#Worst thing is the fact both series got done dirty

[thisispoggers]

Oh my god I'm crying

You guys DO NOT KNOW just how much I love these characters and the fact you've made them meet up and they're just instant best friends made me go XJSOXNDONXOSN

these guys would totally be best friends

[all-pacas]

no one asked but here’s my informal listing of house’s fellows from “rotates them in my brain” to “whomst”

Chase. God’s least favorite princess. Nepobaby who keeps failing up, but make it tragic. The more his career succeeds the deader his eyes become. Starts off as a cheerfully lazy loser and ends as a nihilistic cynical slut. Looks better with short hair. Secretly kind of a Sports Guy. No one has ever loved him. I like to imagine sitting the baby doctors down in S1 or 2 and breaking it to them that Chase will inherit diagnostics someday. They'd all be horrified. Foreman would be so mad. If House had hugged him and told him he was proud one (1) time, 46% of Chase's trauma would have dripped away like squeezing a dirty sponge.

Cameron. Because I love her and Chase so much I keep wanting to think of ways they could work and failing. This is honestly very attractive of Cameron. Insufferable little control freak who probably, just a little, reads Wellness and Crystal shit and goes HMM. Has absolutely no idea that she is deeply mentally ill. This is crucial. She truly believes she is normal and healthy and well-adjusted. She unironically says girlboss. Chase has never topped, not even as a special treat, but they're both into that.

Thirteen. Love when she just wanders around making Sarcastic Quips instead of being useful. Kind of thinks she's a Cool Girl and she has no idea what she's doing, but because she's really good at pretending to be her chosen archetype she's like what? We aren't all doing it intentionally? I thought this was like a bit? Can be insufferably aloof/smug but when she has her little crying breakdowns I forgive her. Very silly actually. Dating Foreman was a character flaw.

Foreman. I like him best around others and in relation to others, which is ironic because he clearly never wants to interact with a human. I love him because like Cameron his self perception is a total 180 from who he actually is. I think he truly believes he's good with people. By himself he's kind of dull but force him to interact with anyone and he turns to gold. I like to give him a hard time because he deserves it, but it's ok because he still kind of thinks he's better than everyone else and can take it.

Taub you heard me. Unapologetic. A hypocrite. Has the insane grace and humility to go from a House/Wilson/Cuddy senior partner in private practice to best friends with Kutner without it really becoming an ego issue. Decided to start over not by going into general surgery but taking a random fellowship in a field House invented. By S8 he doesn't even need to be here he's just having fun. Just a little guy. Unlike his taller and younger coworkers, has no illusions that he's a cool and sexy main character with no flaws or weaknesses. Deserves everything he has coming.

Kutner. Just happy to be here. Intriguing mix of super clever and super incompetent. Love how tight he and Taub and 13 were as a team, it's a shame we never really got to see him with the others. I bet within 15 seconds of meeting Chase, Kutner would have him convinced of the most outlandish conspiracy theories. We were robbed. Worst thing Obama has ever done.

Park. Could be annoying!! Like she was intended to be annoying and that's fine, but sometimes on a meta level the show is just HA HA SHE UGLY AND WEIRD and that's the part that irritates me. Calm down. We get it. I like how punchy she is. Loved her staring Chase down in an elevator until he agreed to get drinks with her. Could be Too Much but she had a strong and developed sense of character and I'll always take that over bland.

Masters. Like the concept! Super morality plus being younger and not a real doctor yet is actually a really interesting dynamic since she can't pull a Cameron and pull rank even when she wants to. Just never quite clicked, and wasn't around long.

Adams. :( This is what happens when you don't have a strong and developed sense of character. She is a series of facts. I consistently forget she has a first name. Feels like she is probably a Horse Girl.

[im-no-jedi]

MLWTBB: This Isn't Goodbye

Part 12 of the “My Life With The Bad Batch” series, a (mostly) canon compliant self-insert story set in “The Bad Batch”

rated: M warnings: drowning, discussions of sex, implied character death, attempted suicide, implied sex relationships: Hunter/self-insert, Omega & self-insert (adopted siblings), The Bad Batch & self-insert chapter word count: 2600+ words

✨MLWTBB masterlist✨

summary: Hannah is confronted by a long-kept secret of hers that she refuses to bring to light. and after the Bad Batch take on a mission that goes horribly wrong, Hannah experiences one of her worst fears imaginable, bringing her to a breaking point of seemingly no return. everything that she’s faced up until this point will culminate into a life-changing moment that will affect the future for her and the group of Clones that she’s adopted as her new family.

notes: this chapter is just an itty-bitty small taste of the angst that's to come 😋 despite being an introvert, I tend to suffer from separation anxiety if I'm away from people for too long. I also definitely have a "warning signal" for certain things, which doesn't help my overall anxiety LOL. should be fairly obvious at this point, but I'll get more into that further into the story 😉

A/N: this story has not been proofread by anyone other than myself. so apologies for any uncaught errors 😬

previous chapter

Chapter 3: I've Got a Bad Feeling About This

__________________________________________________________

“So!” Cid stepped further into the room, commanding the attention of everyone in it, as usual. “I know it’s been a while since I’ve sent you boys out.”

“It’s only been a week,” Echo dryly interjected.

“Your point?” Cid went up next to the counter and snapped her fingers. “Hey, droid. Make me a drink, on the double.”

“Roger, roger!” Clank replied. He immediately sat down the dirty dish he was washing and began preparing Cid’s usual drink.

Cid wasted no time gathering everyone together again, even going so far as to taunt Hunter that he could “schmooze with the bartender later”. Hannah defiantly hung back, both out of spite for Cid’s comment and the fact that her boss was about to rip her family away from her yet again. Of all the rotten times for it to happen too…

It wasn’t a huge request, but the job Cid had for the Clones would still involve them being away for a few days. Possibly more if things didn’t work out perfectly, as Tech commented. Omega chose to remain positive about it though. She specifically glanced over at her big sister as she stated that she was sure they would be fine. Hannah appreciated the positivity and gave Omega a small smile in return.

“Well, I don’t care how you get it done,” Cid said matter-of-factly. “Just do it. And no funny business!”

With that, she took the drink Clank had made for her and marched back into her office with a huff. Echo commented to the others that she seemed to be in even worse spirits than normal, if that was even possible. It actually got a good snicker out of Hannah, much to his delight.

“Guess we should just head out then,” Hunter said with a small sigh. “Don’t wanna make Cid actually hate us.”

“As if she doesn’t act like it already,” Echo dryly added.

“Cid doesn’t hate us,” Omega retorted confidently. “She’s probably just having a bad day.”

“She must have a lot of bad days then!” Wrecker exclaimed with a scoff.

Cid wasn’t the only one having a bad day. The entire time they’d been talking, Hannah had remained off to the side, lost in her thoughts. There’d been an odd twinge in the back of her mind from the moment Cid had mentioned the Clones going on their mission. It flared up even more when Tech brought up the possibility of their mission going wrong, which was common for her to feel. But this one felt different. Even after Omega’s reassurance, the feeling had remained.

It was like… like something was trying to get her attention.

It wasn’t the first time she’d gotten that feeling either. The day Roland showed up, the day they’d gone to Hosnian Prime, several times on Volruna, and that fateful day the Empire came to Astreon… even all the way back to the day her original family had left on their ill-fated journey. It was like Hannah had her own little warning signal, forewarning her of impending danger.

And the fact that it was going off again now…

Hannah’s thoughts were abruptly cut off by Hunter’s approach. “Sorry we have to leave so suddenly,” he said sympathetically. “But we won’t be gone long. I promise.”

Another twinge. Hannah shut her eyes to try and ignore it, then shook her head at Hunter. “You always say that…”

Hunter gently placed his hands on her shoulders, causing her to release a sigh. “And I mean it. Just try to keep yourself occupied while we’re gone. We’ll be back before you know it.”

The twinge was sharp enough this time that Hannah actually winced. Hunter seemed to take notice of it and rubbed her shoulders reassuringly. Her pain still lingered, but the gesture definitely helped ease her somewhat, and she gave him a half smile.

“Do we hav’ta go right now?” Wrecker asked. “I hate leavin’ Hannah while she’s not feelin’ good…”

Hannah looked over at him with a touched expression. Wrecker’s empathetic nature had always been a boon for her, especially if she was struggling to express her true feelings. Omega was the same, as shown in that moment by the little girl coming up next to Hannah with a gentle smile.

“I don’t wanna leave either,” Omega started. “But Hannah will be ok. She always is.”

For whatever the reason, Omega’s words were the only ones that didn’t set off Hannah’s “warning signal”. Maybe it was because there was some truth to her words that spoke louder than any of them realized. More often than not, Hannah was always ok, even if it didn’t feel like it. 

But that was the problem.

Was she really ok if everyone she ever cared about wasn’t ok?

“We have our orders,” Hunter stated. “We may not like it, but this is our job. And we have to do it.”

Hannah’s face quickly turned down into a scowl. There he went again, talking like a soldier. Despite all of her efforts to try and erase that mentality from him, Hunter still insisted on doing things from a military perspective. Echo was the same way, unfortunately. She’d already accepted that she would most likely have to put up with that for the rest of her life. 

But it was still annoying. 

Especially in this instance. 

And especially with her twinge flaring up again.

“Why?”

Everyone’s attention was drawn to Hannah as she spoke.

“Why do you have to do it?”

Hunter gave her a look like she was asking a ridiculous question. “What?”

Hannah’s face remained in a scowl as she continued. “You don’t have to do anything. You don’t even have to take this mission if you don’t want to. Who cares?”

Hunter continued to look at Hannah questioningly, while Echo stepped a bit closer to speak. “I don’t think you realize what you’re saying, Hannah.”

“I know exactly what I’m saying!” she responded, probably a bit harsher than intended. “I’m sick of this mentality you all have about this stuff! When are you guys gonna realize that you can make your own choices about things?”

Echo was about to speak again, but was cut off by Tech. “We are well aware of that fact. However, we also cannot ignore the fact that we must continue to do certain things in order to benefit our living status. I’m certain none of us are content in this position, but it is where we are. And we must do with what we have. As we always have.”

As usual, Tech was right, but that didn’t make the situation any better. If anything, it made Hannah more upset that her family was seemingly stuck in the position they were in. And like always, she desperately wished she could do more for them.

Maybe that’s what was upsetting her the most. She felt… useless. Helpless. Lost.

Again.

“You don’t have to like it when we leave,” Hunter said, maintaining his stoic demeanor. “But like Tech said, this is where we are. And this is what we have to do.”

Hannah took a deep breath through her nose and let it out just as harshly. “Please stop saying that. You never have to do anything, Hunter. Everything you do is by choice. And I wish you would acknowledge that for once.”

Now thoroughly done with the conversation, Hannah shoved her way past the Clones and walked over to the bar. She aggressively ripped her gloves off and tossed them onto the counter before starting to angrily clean some cups.

“Ooooooh, you know she’s upset when she starts scrubbin’ the cups,” Wrecker quietly mentioned to the others, which caused Echo to sigh.

“She’s probably just still struggling from last night,” Echo replied. “It’s understandable.”

Hannah said nothing and continued to act like she was ignoring them. But there was definitely some truth to Echo’s words. Her nightmare about losing them all had to be having some effect on her behavior. That might even be the thing that was setting off her “warning signal”.

No… no it had to be more than that. But what?

“Hannah…” Omega’s soft voice caught Hannah’s attention. She turned to see the little girl standing beside her with a sympathetic look on her face. “It’s ok that you’re upset. I… I wish we could be together all the time. I really miss you when we leave. But we always come back. Right?”

Once again, her little sister’s words struck straight to Hannah’s core. In that instance, Hannah felt herself nearly crumble to her knees from the emotional weight of it all. 

Omega’s words… they were far too similar to ones she’d heard before.

Biting her lip to hold back her emotions, Hannah’s eyes drifted down to her exposed wrists. Specifically the one that carried her deceased sister’s bracelet. The thing that had been gifted to her shortly after being reassured that her sister was going to come back.

Hannah let out a shaky sigh, then quickly wiped her hands on her pants to dry them. She held her arms out and pulled Omega into a tender hug. Her hands held Omega’s head against her chest, and the little girl nuzzled into her big sister affectionately.

“Please come back,” Hannah said, her voice trembling.

“I will,” Omega replied as she gave Hannah a squeeze. “I promise.”

A big smooch was placed on top of Omega’s head, and Hannah gave the little girl one last squeeze before letting her go. Omega looked up at Hannah with the sweetest smile ever, then ran off to rejoin her brothers.

“Good luck cleanin’ your cups,” Echo teasingly said to Hannah before heading for the exit.

“And if ya get too tired,” Wrecker added as he walked off. “Don’t forget about that clanker of yours!”

Clank gave Wrecker a salute and nod of acknowledgement. “I’ll do what my master asks of me!”

Tech turned to Clank and said, “When we return, I would like to continue my attempt at upgrading your arms with armaments.”

“You mean like the B2 units?” Clank asked. “The thing Master Gildish offered to give me?”

“Indeed. Although mine would be far superior.”

“Riiiiiiight.”

Hearing that exchange got Hannah to giggle, which she sorely needed. Tech gave her a nod of acknowledgment on the way out, and she returned it.

Only one Clone remained in the parlor. He was obviously hanging back on purpose, but Hannah couldn’t bring herself to acknowledge his presence and kept her gaze away. Several seconds of awkward silence went by before he eventually approached the counter. His mere proximity immediately set off Hannah’s twinge again.

“We could sit here and argue work ethics all day, Hannah,” Hunter said in his usual stoic way. “And I wanna respect your opinions. But we have to be realistic. And the reality is…” He briefly stopped to let out a despondent sigh, breaking his stern composure. “We can’t be together all the time.”

The weight of his words were painful as is, but the pure hurt in Hunter’s voice as he admitted it made Hannah’s entire chest ache. If she could, she would’ve wrapped her arms around him and never let him go again. She would do that for all of her Clones. 

Flashes of her nightmare began to manifest in her mind. Her inability to save them from their impending doom. Like with all Clones, it felt like a fate they could never escape from. An inevitable death that was coming for them sooner than most. And Hannah was hopeless to help them. 

A twinge stronger than before hit Hannah so hard, it made her clutch the side of her head. She tried to shake it off, but a remnant of it lingered. Her face lifted to see Hunter standing at the bottom of the stairs near the doorway, looking back at her.

“We can talk more about it when I get back,” he said. “Just… take care of yourself until then.”

Hunter had a look on his face that spoke more than his words did. He was clearly trying to be positive, but his eyes held a deep somberness behind them. Like he could tell just how much Hannah was suffering. If only he knew why…

“Don’t let him go.”

The words filled Hannah’s mind so suddenly, it took her breath away.

Was… was that her own voice saying that? Or…

“Stop him.”

Hannah’s heart started racing, and she put a hand on her chest to calm it. Hunter gave her a look of concern, clearly picking up on what she was physically feeling, but she waved him off. Hopefully he would just assume it was her fatigue and nothing more.

With a clearly downcast sigh, Hunter turned to leave. And with every step he took, Hannah’s heart rate increased. Her “warning signal” was flaring more than ever before.

This was no time to be stubborn.

Right as Hunter stepped through the door, Hannah rushed from her place towards him. She nearly stumbled up the first step, and Hunter turned just in time for her to fling her arms around his waist in a tight grip.

A wistful sigh left Hunter’s nose. “Sweetheart…” 

His hands tenderly rested on her shoulders, and she held him even tighter. Though she tried to hold back her tears, small muffled sobs still escaped from her throat as her face buried into his chest. In her mind, she kept saying over and over, “please don’t go, please don’t go”, but the words never found her lips.

For whatever reason, this parting was harder than any other she’d had with Hunter in the past. Not even the ones on Hosnian Prime and Volruna were this bad. And she didn’t even know why.

Hannah suddenly felt her face cupped by two strong hands and tilted upwards. Her partner was looking down at her with the most sympathetic expression she’d ever seen him make. His thumbs gently ran across her cheeks to wipe away the tears, and he continued to tenderly hold her face as he spoke.

“It’s gonna be ok, love. I’ll come back to you soon. I promise.”

His words melted over her, and she felt a wave of ease wash through her whole system. A slight remnant of the twinge remained, but Hannah refused to give it any more power over her. She was going to take Hunter’s words to heart and believe that everything would be ok. She had to.

Face still cupped in his hands, Hannah looked up at her love with understanding and repose. Hunter gave her a warm smile and leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead. Then she gave his waist a good squeeze before slowly easing up her grip. Hunter caught one of her hands in his and held it for only a moment. He gave her one last affectionate look, then turned and began heading up the stairwell.

Hannah thought that was the end of it.

“Make him stop.”

The voice returned to her mind and made her clench her jaw tightly.

“You have to tell him. Just tell him.”

Tell him what? About the nightmare? About the twinge? Or was it about… 

Hannah’s fists clenched as tight as her jaw, and she let out all the tension with a single exhale. She went up the rest of the way into the stairwell and called out Hunter’s name to get his attention. He had just reached the top of the stairs and turned back to look at her curiously. “Yeah?” he asked.

She tried to speak. Her mouth was open and everything. But the words failed to formulate. It was like everything she wanted to say in that moment had been locked away and couldn’t be freed.

“N-Nevermind…” Hannah awkwardly looked away and clutched her hands to her chest. In her periphery, she saw Hunter giving her another concerned look, and he sighed before finally heading out of sight.

It was done.

There was nothing more she could do.

And she only hoped that she’d not just made some kind of huge mistake…

[lazillie]

Chapter 1

Deere fanfic which I will hopefully make a series out of!

TW: zombies, gore, knifes etc just be warned!

"Meeting again"

Jeremy Here had been through quite allot in his life.

His mom left home

His mom left home because of him

Jeremy did not want to be her perfect Abigail

That would have been the worst moment of his life if it were not for the mistake of swallowing the supercomputer that could have destroyed the world but... Turns out it did not because the dead or infected... started walking around and it was terrifying

Jeremy remembers that day very clearly besides the fact he saw his lecturer being ripped apart by a group of students, but it was when it was the also the day, he got broken up with by his ex Boyfriend, Jake fucking Dillingler, Jeremy could say that would have been the worst day of his life, because he thought that Jake would be someone who would always been in his life, maybe he would

As three years later finding him in some massive new world society where there was 20ft walls and a familiar 5'5 dirty blonde pointing a shotgun at him demanding his name as he stumbled there after walking for days but as you can figure Jeremy did not have too when the shorter boy realised who he was "Tall ass??"

That was a reunion he was not ecstatic about, not because of rich but the figure who followed behind him, someone who he thought was dead. Jeremy thought that about allot of people, He had seen it enough in the past three years, His dad, christine and not long-ago Michael...

Jeremy did not want to talk about that not ever, watching your best friend and all the people you love being ripped apart and coming back as those things you eventually get tired of it all

Jeremy was extremely tired of it all...

Back to the figure, Jeremy was in shock for the first moment in a while, Jake fucking Dillinger Jeremy did not know what to make of that moment, Rich still had looked the same, well... mostly besides the washed-out red stripe and his patchy facial hair, But Jake… he looked so different he had gotten taller? How was that possible?? He looked at least 6’5 which was crazy, unlike rich. Jake had grown an actual beard and his hair was more grown at the side obviously you won't be finding a barber around here or maybe you will? It looked like they would have some sort of grooming system around here.

"Jake...”

" Jeremy..." The two stood just staring at each other speechless, besides the fact that it had been three years since they last saw each other it was like the first time they first met not the best example as they were both in kindergarten-but it was like a new beginning. Jake took a step forward towards Jeremy, he could feel jakes warm brown eyes on him looking him un and down analving him like he was a threat until he saw a hand reaching towards him it was jakes, Jeremy panicked flinched and grabbing jakes wrist as he stepped back looking up at the boy well now…Man? Jesus Christ. anyway somebody who he thought he loved but that was not the case anymore, Jeremy refused to feel love for anyone he couldn’t in this word, Jeremys' breath became shaky as he realised his grip on jakes wrist was tighter the more he thought about it, not that he meant to do so, he slowly let his hand go Jake quickly pulling it away learning his lesson quickly . "don't do that" he whispered under his breath. Jake stepped back himself looking almost shocked, like he did not know who this boy was, it was Jeremy, but his hair was grown past his jaw and his eyes were dull, lost, he was skinny... Well, Jeremy had always been but obviously this case was different but one detail that was still there was his gold hoop on his nose, making a smile curl upon Jake's face, He remembered when him and Jeremy went to go get it done, Jeremy had a bucket list of stuff he wanted to do a nose piercing was one of them . "Shit...Jere. Jeremy" he said almost laughing. "You need a haircut" he whispered as he took a step forward, but Jeremy took a step back like a timid animal. "Hey-Hey you’re okay..." he said softly but he finally realised that Jeremy obviously did not like this even from Jake well why would he, Jake left him outside his dorm room in tears after dumping him, Jake regretted that…, Jeremy took a step forward as he sighed looking around, it was like before the apocalypse began with people walking around, kids playing, homes and everyone looked just like before "What is this place...?" he asked almost shocked but somehow Jeremy still, kept his guard up.

"it's a second chance..., well no- it is a new beginning the appropriate name, when all this started, we only had a house but as time grew, we made it work and now all of these houses are now homes." Jake cleared his throat "But we don't just let anyone in, were going to need you to empty your pockets" he said as well nicely as possible he didn't want to treat Jeremy as a threat but even then he had a whole community to care for and he didn't want to think that Jeremy was a threat but he did not want to risk that

Jeremy sighed as he unzipped the hoodie, he had on revealing his blue and purple stripped shirt with his waist belt had a sharp knife, he pulled it off dropping it on the ground, Jake looked over to rich as the shorter male grabbed it nodding. "I'm going to need to pat you down" Jake said as calmly as he could feeling his heartbeat fast just at the thought of touching Jeremy again, not In a sexual way.

(Sure, Jake who are you kidding) Jeremy stood there staring at Jake as he took a deep breath nodding to give Jake the permission to search him,

Jake gulped as Jeremy lifted his arms, Jake lifted his hands slowly and gently placing them on the other as he gently moved them along the shorter boy's arms, not breaking eye-contact with Jeremy and his deepening blue eyes, Jake slowly moved from Jeremys arms to the sides of his torso as Jeremy winced in pain, "shit- I'm sorry, I'm nearly done "he said as Jeremy nodded as jakes careful hands made his way down to Jeremys hips, Jake quickly moved his hands because he did not want to make Jeremy more uncomfortable than he already was but part of Jake missed having his hands on Jeremy. Did that sound creepy? Oh god he really did not want that to sound creepy even in his own mind. Jake quickly got that over with as he leaned down to Jeremy's thighs legs and lifted his cuffed jeans checking incase, the cuffed parts of Jeremys jeans had stars drawn on them making Jake smile again, god he must have been freaking Jeremy out, making it appear like Jake is getting off on this, but he was not he promises.

"Well, that was something" Rich muttered grinning as Jake looked over at the blonde glaring at him

"not the time man, go and watch out for the dead" he said hissing as he looked at Jeremy whose face was like a tomato then looking back at the blonde walking away "so Jeremy... I am assuming your alone?" Jake mumbled as Jeremy looked even more scarred than before as he nodded *I am" he said avoiding any more eye-contact "well... your welcome to stay here as long as you want but you need to do your part, but first we will need to get you into a house system, you can stay In my house it's pretty big, and we have hot showers and I can get you a change of clothes" he said picking up the knife handing it over to a girl with a short bob wearing a blue hoodie her name was veronica she helped Jake out and saved his ass more times than he’d like to admit,

"uh well… come with me and I can show you around" Jake said as he watched Jeremy follow, "Jeremy I need to ask, where have you been all this time?" he asked as he looked over at the other as he opened his mouth "it doesn't matter..." Jeremy said replying as he lifted his hood putting it on with his hands in his pockets, wincing slightly but Jake didn't notice, and this was the start of how the relationship of Jake and Jeremy led to their complicated relationship and their daughter in an apocalyptic world .

[baggebythesea]

I love this analysis.

Just to zoom in on Glimmer's subplot, the fact that her "power of love" moment was beating the shit out of her posessed father, apart from what op already mentioned with her showing love by destroying Prime's ability to use him (and trusting his ability to be able to take a beating like that), her means of doing so also came from a culmination of her character arc.

One big theme for Glimmer throughout the series, and especially in s4, was the conflict between the expectations on her and her need to be herself. In s4 she got all the powers she had envied Angella for - magic and political - but itched to do things her own way. To get her hands dirty. To do the work herself. Shadow Weaver and - more roundabout through parallelism - Catra offered her ways to do that, and in the end it was to no small part the powers, tactics and self confidence Glimmer had learnt from the two of them that allowed her to take down Micah.

That's why Micha's Prime induced 'reason you suck' speech fell completely flat.

"The weakling. The failure." By that point in the show Glimmer knew she was neither of those things. Weakling? She had held the power of the Heart of Etheria in her hand. She had seen firsthand the damage she had brought with that power. Failure? She had seen her own worst sides mirrored in Catra. She had talked Catra into doing "one good thing. She had begged for, and received the forgivness of Adora and Bow. She knew that there was a way back from even the worst of failures, and - as always - Glimmer was no quitter. She was going to keep trying, no matter what.

Pathetic? Alone? Weak? Glimmer knew she was neither of those things. Prime had tried to reduce her to a trinket in his museum before, and she smashed his fucking orb, turned his key Etherian assest against him and returned with the fucking legendary hero She-Ra to smash his shit, beat up his clones, destroy his mainframe and steal his fucking cat. Alone? Even locked up in a cell in space she was not alone, not with Catra there for her, not with Bow and Adora and Entrapta rushing to save her. Even when Prime did his best to turn the people of Etheria against the princesses, it took one fight and one speech for the princess alliance to be back in business. Weak?

Queen Fucking Glimmer of Fucking Brightmoon is many things, but 'outgunned' is not one of them.

Glimmer KNOWS she is not weak. Not a failure. Not pathetic and most ephatically not alone. She is brave. She is kind. She is stubborn.

And she won't lose another parent = she won't allow Prime to use Micah as leverage against her. He tried it in space. He tried it again in the final fight. Both times it ended with Glimmer smashing his shit, stealing his puppets and utterly owning him.

And she could do that BECAUSE of her turns and misturns during the show. BECAUSE she had allowed Shadow Weaver to tutor her. BECAUSE her choices had stranded her in space together with her worst enemy. She was GLIMMER - the person who had done those bad things AND good things that had led her to the moment where she was now, and that person could totally kick Micah's ass.

Failure? Pathetic? Weak? Alone? There were times during the show Glimmer would call herself all those things. The weak princess. The bad friend. The unworthy queen. The pathetic excuse for a hero. Overwhelming hubris and crippling self doubt. But by the time she faced her chipped father, all that was behind her.

By the end of the show, Glimmer had truly grown into her crown and her throne and her powers. She owned her mistakes. She owned her insecurities. She also owned her good sides. Her strength. Her bravery. Her stubborness. Her never ending urge to do what was right. Her friends and her hard work to mend bridges with them.

She listened to the bullshit Prime had her father say and saw right through it. Rightly realised how pathetic his taunts of her was.

Overwhelming hubris? She owned her strength as well as her weakness.

Crippling self doubt? She owned her confidence as well as her insecurities

Allow Prime to use her father as a puppet?

On her watch?

Absolutely-fucking-not

Glimmer's 'power of love' movement was the power of self-love. Of reconciling her different sides. Of winning her conflict with herself. Of not allowing her doubts and insecurities stop her from fighting the good fight.

She even got to see her mother cheer her on, which was nice.

she ra confuses me, like in some parts of it, it subverts tropes like destiny, mentors, redemption arcs, but in the big finale it's the biggest 'the good guys defeat the bad guys with the power of love' cliche

I disagree. There are some elements of this, but the meat of the finale is not about the power of love - rather, it is about identity and self-actualization. And the places where love interact, sometimes it is in more interesting ways. Such as.... where this love comes from, and where it is accepted.

Let me go through the key beats of the finale:

1. Would you say Shadow Weaver saved Catra and Adora with the "power of love"? Is that her "love" for them? If so, then that's really interesting - a darker interpretation of love, which they also have for her, in a way. That is no happy go lucky love cliche. The scene with them crying over her, it's powerful and painful and very provocative, IMO the strongest part of the finale. What do you do when you feel love for your abusive parental figure, and then just when you're getting over the fact they never cared about you, they show love back in an act of self-destruction? What closure do you get?

2. Love in the context of Entrapta and Hordak, is hard earned, because these characters spend so much of the show thinking that they were innately unlovable, and because Hordak had spent the whole season being guided back to his own identity with the "LUVD" crystal, and even then, it still wasn't enough - after Hordak had finally won the battle to be true to himself, to show and accept love, he had this pried out of hands immediately by Horde Prime. In the original animatic, Hordak panicked that he killed his brother (who in part he does still love), and Entrapta calmed him down... then Prime yelled at them, in Hordak's body, that they were unworthy and unloved and would die with no comfort. It was chilling. The final scene was cut short but I'm glad the original was shared.

These two have a bit in common with Adora and Catra - Entrapta works her ass off this season to protect the people she cares about with her tech skills, and is scared of failing them or being rejected, while Hordak doesn't think he is worthy of love because of the monstrous abomination that he is. In this scene, rather than shooting Entrapta, failing her again, and discarding his identity, Hordak shows her that he recieved her message of caring about him, reciprocates, and has her back. And in doing so, accepts he's worth something.

3. Catra and Adora's story of love isn't about the fact that they were going to get into a romance, it is about how Adora has spent the entire show giving OTHER PEOPLE her love, INCLUDING Catra, and how she has always refused to accept reciprocation. She has gotten herself into the mindset that it's her responsibility to care for and protect everyone else, and that to accept help, or to let other people do the job, would mean that she is too weak to be counted on, that she is unworthy of the power of She-Ra, or of the love her friends have for her. Adora's too strong for her own good and thinks that because she has a very slim possibility of surviving a suicide mission, that she should do it, rather than someone who has zero chance. But like how Angella didn't think Adora should seal the portal, Catra doesn't think Adora should use the Failsafe by herself, and decides that they will face their fate together.

In accepting Catra's love, Adora accepts she is worthy of love, that she is worthy of happiness, and this basically heals a rift in her being which allows her to focus on BECOMING She-Ra and actually save the world.

4. While I'm not exactly fond of Mermista and Sea Hawk's scene (IMO its inclusion was fun but made the finale seem too much like "power of love woohoo"), Glimmer and Bow had some interesting demonstrations of love.

Glimmer doesn't break Micah's control with kind words of friendship like everyone else does - she shows her love by MELTING HIS DAMN FACE OFF, knocking him out of the fight and stopping him from further damaging his own body.

Bow's big love moment isn't for himself or even someone he's particularly close with - it's for SCORPIA. Bow appeals to Scorpia's inner good nature, to get her to pause for ONE SECOND, so that he can execute Entrapta's nicely-prepared programme and actually free all the chipped people, because no amount of love will spare them from Prime's hivemind. It's a big moment for Scorpia, who has spent the whole show being the villain who always had so much care for others, but never recieved much back. Bow may not be close to her, but he understands what it is to be that friend, and is able to connect to her and believe in her without having much of a rapport.

5. Prime's actual death is straight up She-Ra murder, which is pretty cool. Bear in mind, this isn't She-Ra's power being boosted by love so much as it is the Heart of Etheria that the First Ones collected... but Adora, now at peace, is able to enjoy a moment of empathy for Hordak, a character who has a lot more in common with her than she would have ever believed.

Two soldiers born and bred to be used as weapons of war, finally meeting again at the end of their journeys.

Anyway, like I said, there are SHADES of "power of love", and that comes through when the characters "break out" of their chip control, but complete pandering to this is subverted by how the chips actually had to be 1. broken to prevent complete control of the characters and 2. removed by Entrapta and Bow's server hack, which is absolutely NOT "power of love", we spent the whole past season watching them prepare for that task, learning about Prime's computers and dismantling the chips.

The places that it appears most, as listed above, are hard earned, and more about the power of self respect than about loving someone else. Because the characters have all been capable of loving others the whole time, but the hard part is accepting they are worth being loved back, and that's what the finale is about!

[kingsuckjin]

Ungodly Beast 2

⸸ Pairing: Devil! Jungkook x reader, Priest! Namjoon x reader

⸸ Rated: M (18+)

⸸ Genre: smut, horror, fluff?, angst?

⸸ Synopsis: You’d rather go to hell yourself than let the devil take your baby, even if he helped create him… even if your little boy is beginning to sprout horns.

⸸ Warnings: (may contain spoilers) death, kidnapping, kind of depression and some heavy feels, satanic symbolism, voyeurism, blowjob, fingering, unprotected sex (please wrap your ding dong before playing ping pong), more sinful shit, male masturbation, dom-ish reader, strangulation (like also not in a sexy way), dom! Jungkook, spit kink, the most dirty talk you've ever seen, fisting, fingering, dick size kink, daddy kink, degradation, impreg kink, pain kink, devil kook still looks wild, spanking, branding, choking, hair pulling, biting and scratching, blood play/blood eating, tattoo kink, really rough sex, a very jealous Jungkook, more death/murder, a very brief mention of drugs, fluffy sex, gore, a fight scene, it's just graphic and awful.

⸸ Words: 15k

⸸ Note: I’d link the first part in this fic here, but tumblr has been doing this cute little thing where if you insert a link in something then the fic won’t show up in the tags. So I very sincerely apologize for the inconvenience, but you’ll have to go through my masterlist to find part 1. Also, an anon told me that this fic goes really well with the album Too Weird to Live too Rare to die by panic at the disco, specifically the song Far too young to die, so if you're looking for something to listen too while reading this, then that would be perfect.

"What have you done?"

Those were your mother's first words after telling her you were pregnant. You had no idea how she knew, perhaps it was the worried, troubled, tired look on your face that that told her. Maybe she just sensed it, sensed the seed of half evil already taken root and growing inside of you.

You stayed silent, confirming an unspoken conclusion between you. She clutched at the rosary around her neck as her shocked, open mouth quivered and glossy tears pooled in her eyes.

"You didn't…" She whispered, "please tell me you didn't." 

Out of shame, you still didn't speak.

"How did you know?" You finally decided to ask.

"I've dealt with him before, I know the way his terrible presence feels, and now I feel it with you. I almost can't stand it." Her words both stung and made you have an unsettling feeling that crawled up your spine. Was it simply the baby she had felt? Had he marked you somehow and now it was you making her feel like this? Or was he with you? Silently watching and waiting.

"What did you give for the child?" Your mother was nearly in sobs now.

"He didn't tell me at first-" you began to try to defend yourself but your mother cut you off.

"He never does. What was it?" 

"He's taking him…" you felt the prick of tears sting your eyes now too. You had to cover your mouth quite suddenly to keep a sob from escaping. It hurt to think about, to talk about. You were afraid. "...when he turns five."

She took your hands between hers and looked you in the eyes.

"We will do everything we can, I promise. We will fight."

You nodded and attempted to blink away the tears.

"Pray with me. We can pray. God will help us, I know it." 

You nodded again as she gripped your hands firmly in hers reassuringly. She let her head fall slightly and closed her eyes prompting you to do the same.

As she started with her prayer, you began to feel a ringing in your head, the sound grew and grew until it was piercing, drowning out her words. A tsunami of nausea overtook your body so powerful you jumped up from your seat at your mother's kitchen table, knocking the chair back as you ran for the bathroom in a dizzy haze.

"Ah, they should call it all day sickness instead of morning sickness." Your mom had committed, seeming to brush it off, but you knew in your heart and deep in your soul that something was very, very wrong here.

From the moment you first saw him, you were in love. His big doe eyes, his chubby little cheeks, his soft little hands, and feet. Although he had no horns or black eyes, you tried hard not to see his father in him, which was difficult sometimes.

The worst memories for you were taking him to get baptized as a newborn. He had screamed from the moment you had entered the church and nothing you could do would calm him.

The moment the blessed holy water touched his skin, you watched as it seemed to burn and blister his infant skin in just seconds. You went out to your car in the church parking lot, 

calmed him the best you could before strapping him into his car seat, and you cried.

You cried because while he seemed to be a normal little baby, your son, the baby you feed with your own body, sing to, bathe, and love, you were occasionally reminded of what he was and that you might only have him for a very short time.

He still whimpered in the back seat just as you did in the front. Guilt and sadness and fear prompted you to get out of the car and into the back seat where you unfastened him as his pout only worsted your feelings. You took his small body in your arms and held him to your chest. Your nose snuggled into his mess of fluffy dark hair.

"I love you. No ones ever going to take you away from me. I don't care what you are, you're my son more than anything." You let your tears fall onto his head.

That wasn't the scariest thing you had been through though. The worst was the nightmares.

The first was just under a month after he had been born. You had sat up in your bed covered in sweat, the house felt like an oven. Your heart was beating hard even before you had heard it coming through the baby monitor.

Singing.

It sounded high and angelic along with the happy coos of your son. As your groggy mess faded with the race of your heart you also realized it was in a language you not just couldn't understand, but had never heard anything like it before.

It took no time at all for you to practically leap from your bed, and dash from your room and down the hall to your son's room.

As you pushed his door open you saw him. You felt like your heart was beating in your throat now as you saw him with his back to you holding your son, bathed in only the moonlight that the sheer curtains of the nursery let in.

The singing had turned to a soft hum. You realized how wrong you were upon pinning his voice like an angel. You saw the horns sprouting from his wavy hair that dangled as he looked down at the baby in his arms.

You wanted to scream, you wanted to fight, you wanted to do anything to save your baby and keep him from being taken away from you. He was a newborn, it wasn't even time.

You couldn't do anything though, and you didn't know why.

Horrifyingly you found yourself yet again drawn to him, in awe at his presence.

"You can't…" you managed to choke out.

"I will." He didn't turn as he spoke to you. After he spoke, you woke up.

You couldn't sleep very long for months after that nightmare. 

There was no denying by age two and a half that he looked more like his father. There was also no denying the little bumps you found while brushing his shaggy hair that sat on the top of his head under his skin. Most mothers would be concerned, wonder if their child had gotten hurt, and bumped their head a few times. But you just sat there frozen, feeling the bumps. You knew what they were, they were his father's claim to him, they were forming horns.

"Mommy okay?" Your son noticed your strange and oddly still demeanor as the hairbrush dropped from your hands onto the bathroom tile where you sat. 

That's when it hit you the hardest. Your baby was halfway there. Halfway gone. All you had done so far was helplessly try to deny the fact that he was coming for him. He would take your little boy and drag him to hell if you didn't do something to fight this, find some way, something, someone to help you.

"Mommy?" your son had turned around and was now reaching for your cheeks to smush with his hands like you often did him. His face read of concern and question. Your heart melted at his little gesture. You took in his sweet little face again, his little two front teeth poked out just a little. You couldn't help but squish his face gently right back.

"Mommy's okay." You tried to reassure him the best you could, and it seemed to work. Lucky for you toddlers were sweetly gullible.

The moment you got free time you sent a text to your mom telling her you'd be dropping her grandson off at her house tomorrow, you didn't wait for a reply as you already knew she would jump at any chance to see her grandson whenever she could.

You then made a very important series of phone calls.

"Thank you, thank you so much for meeting with me today on such short notice father-" 

"Father Namjoon or just Namjoon is fine." He interrupted. "And don't mention it, I'm here to help. You mentioned problems with your child?"

You took a deep breath and let your face finally show the worry you felt, your bouncing foot on the floor let out your anxiety. You sat there in his office at this tiny church. Worried he would throw you out the moment you told him the truth about what was going on.

Father Namjoon sat across the big worn wooden desk from you and waited patiently for you to further explain. Behind him on the wall was a massive cross along with pictures with him and maybe members of the church pinned to the wall.

" I'm afraid I didn't tell you everything over the phone because… well, every priest I've called said I was crazy and hung up on me after I told them." You admitted and watched as his body language changed with his growing attention.

"But father Namjoon, I swear on my son's life that what I'm about to tell you is the truth. My son is no trouble, but his father is. See, I would've brought my son in today, but he gets these… headaches and nosebleeds in churches." 

You watched his reaction carefully, he curiously tilted his head.

"Go on…" he urged.

"Because his father… is… the devil."

Namjoon gave you a nod of understanding that was far too casual for the words you said.

"I have proof." You defended before he could even think to refute your claim.

"I believe you." 

"What?" You asked thinking maybe you were only hearing what you wanted to.

"Listen," he leaned forward so that his arms rested on his desk. "He's real. I know he's real. The nervousness in your voice and you say you have proof… you seem perfectly sane to me. When can I meet with your son? Would your home be alright?"

"What are you doing right now? He's with my mother right now."

"Let's go." He said with sureness and no thinking time behind it.

He followed your car to your mother's home. You watched as he got out of his car and just stood there in the driveway, staring at the home.

"Something wrong father?" You asked as he brought forth the cross around his neck and clutched it tightly.

"I can feel him."

"My son? My mom says the same thing about him. We just assume he carries the same feeling as-"

"Not your son, the devil. He's here." 

Your heart began to race at the thought of encountering him again. Maybe you had gotten in over your head by asking a priest to see him, but you had to do something.

"Your cross." You stopped father Namjoon as he started to walk towards the door. "I'm sorry but you can't have it near him. My mother had to take down all of hers when he was born." 

His eyes seemed to shift around nervously before finally taking off his cross and putting it in his car.

"No worries." He gave you a reassuring smile. 

You expected more upon entering the house, not just for your son to casually be sitting there watching tv.

You and your mother had exchanged silent, nervous glances upon her letting you in and seeing the priest.

"Hey buddy, someone wants to talk to you." You knelt down and told your son but he seemed to ignore you.

Your mom turned off the tv, but it didn't seem to affect him.

"Touch his head." You whispered to Namjoon.

He stepped forward and crouched on the floor.

"Hey, little guy! What kind of show were you watching?" He placed his hand on your son's head to pat it but quickly retracted it.

"Don't touch me." your son spoke clearly and firmly. His speech was nothing like his normal, broken toddler way of talking.

You looked at Namjoon who still looked shocked by something, it had to be the growing horns.

"Daddy said don't touch me." Your son spoke again perfectly as if he were a few years older.

Daddy said

"Oh my go-" you couldn't help but let out at his words. Had his father been around this whole time? Just watching him… and you?

"I won't touch you, I promise. Could you turn around for me?"

Your son did as he was asked and faced the priest, looking up at him with wide, almost terrified eyes.

“Can I show him your back?” you asked knowing he would let you touch him before he would a priest. Your son nodded but seemed confused. 

You lifted the side of his shirt and showed Namjoon the mark spread along the ribs. The upside-down thick, black cross.

“Quite a birthmark you have there.” Namjoon joked with the boy.

“His father has the same one."

Namjoon stood to his feet which prompted you to do the same.

"Can we talk?" His eyes flickered towards the front door.

"Yeah of course." 

"Possibly off the property?" He added and you gave him a nod.

“I'll be back” you assured your mother as you left with the priest.

He led you to his car before asking if you wanted to get a coffee and told you he needed it after what he had just seen and felt. You understood and agreed.

He continued to apologize on the short drive there, but again you understood his need to process this.

It wasn't until after you both had gotten your drinks and sat down in a quiet corner of the shop that he began to talk openly.

“I’m still not sure what to think of all this, but I know you're not lying. He looks like him. My…” he let out a sigh as he played with a pink packet of sugar. “My grandmother had a run-in with him once, never said why or how, but she described him and the way his presence felt. I just don’t think it's your child making me feel that way. I really need to ask what happened between you and...his...father.”

“I-um..I…” you too took a deep breath and decided to explain everything as detailed as you could from summoning him, to only having a few years left with your son. You felt ashamed as you explained to this priest how you had slept with the devil.

Namjoon didn't seem to judge you though, as a matter of fact, he looked sympathetic. He seemed so sweet, kind, and understanding.

“I’m not sure what I can do here,” he told you and reached across the table to place his hand on yours “but I promise to do the best I can. I will do what I can to help protect your family and son.”

You felt the honesty and sincerity in his words, it felt so comforting to you.

“It’s going to be hard, I can just tell he doesn't want me there. I don't know if it’s because I’m a man or because I’m a priest. Let me ask you a rather personal question, have you dated at all since your son was born?”

“No.” you shook your head “I don’t want anyone getting attached to my son because I just don't know what's going to happen. Also, I’m afraid…he might do something. I just… I don't want to put anyone else into this that doesn't need to be.” that part hurt you too, you just felt so lonely on top of it all. “I've had no one to turn to with all of this except my mother.”

“Well, you have me now, okay? You don't have to feel alone anymore. We can solve this together.”

Namjoon had come up with a plan to meet with your son every other day, and at the end of the week, he would meet with only you and talk over the progress, if he had made any at all.

Just a few months in, there was a difference. It seemed his method of slowly introducing god and holy objects such as crosses were beginning to work, he no longer got headaches and nosebleeds around them, and his horns while still little bumps under his skin, they had stopped growing. That also happened to be the month your mother got very very sick. No matter how many times Namjoon came and prayed over her, she still continued to just slip away until she was gone.

And now you had no one but Namjoon.

The day after she passed away was the hardest. Your son was still too small to fully grasp the concept of death, but he still cried about his grandmother never getting to play with him again.

You had waited until you had put him to bed and he had fallen asleep to pour yourself a glass of wine and just cry.

Nothing could distract you from the pain, from the heavy misery, not even the pouring rain and house shaking thunder.

You had turned off all of the lights, the only thing that would occasionally light the room was the lightning.

You felt so alone, more alone than you've felt in your life. You tried hard to sense him, but he just didn't seem there. The one time you felt so desperate and alone, his presence didn't loom over you. 

“I hate you,” you spoke out loud. “If you can hear me I hate you. I hate that you've done this to me, I hate that you took her from me and your son. Are you really watching over your son or do you just love to see me suffer? Do you love to see me alone? Huh?” anger coursed through you as you talked to the walls “Answer me!” you yelled a little too loudly and worried that you would wake your son up so you decided to be quiet.

The desperation and loneliness felt like it was suffocating you, you had to do something.

You felt pathetic calling him up this late, but once you heard his voice you already felt better.

“Hey, how are you hanging in there?” 

“Not good Namjoon.” you sniffled “I-I just feel so alone, so in over my head. All the things my mom has done for me I just…” you did your best to hold back tears.

“Do you want me there? Is it alright if I come over so you don't have to feel alone?”

“Please?” Your plea was squeaky and weak.

“I’ll leave right now okay? It's just important to remember that you're not alone. God is with you.”

“Thank you. I don't know what I would have done this past few months without you.”

“Please, don't mention it.”

You don't know how it got here. You had only had a half a glass of wine in total, and a two-hour deep conversation and now you had pulled him into your room and you were ripping off each other’s clothes as if they were tainted.

“Fuck me” you tossed your shirt to the floor and pressed your lips back to his with ferocity. He sharply exhaled through his nose at how turned on he was by your demand, although you could feel it through his underwear. 

“You sure?” he mumbled into your lips. You let out a hum into his before sinking to your knees.

“Fuck.” he muttered, mesmerized as you pulled his underwear, letting it fall at his feet and letting his cock loose.

You let little time pass between the moment you saw his cock and putting it into your mouth. You were hungry for touch, for affection, for sex, for companionship, and you were sure to show that in the form of his dick in your throat. It was as if somehow you hoped it could fill that strange void that had existed in you for far too long.

He thrust in tandem with your head bobbing while letting out groans and sharp breaths of pleasure that just told you that it had been a while for him too. 

Thunder rolled in your dark room as you suppressed a gag and let your spit dribble down your chin. You were dripping with need at just the thought of sex.

As a brief flash of lightning lit the room, you swore you saw him in the chair in the corner of the room, legs crossed, watching you.

Could it have just been your imagination playing tricks on you? Could you have been just thinking about him? Was it what you wanted to see?

You closed your eyes as you took Namjoon deeper into your throat, letting the tip of your nose connect with his thin patch of pubes.

His hands tangled in the back of your hair.

"Can- can we have sex? Please? This feels too good to take this anymore." 

You took him from your mouth and got into the bed on all fours. He took a moment to take your body and pose in for a moment, but once his brain seemed to function again he got behind you on the bed.

His fingers ran down the skin of your back almost making you shiver.

He yanked your underwear down around your thighs and ran his fingers along your soaking folds.

"No teasing, fuck me."

You heard an almost inaudible moan behind you before feeling his tip at your entrance.

The feeling of him slowly sinking into you, filling you, felt so nice after so long.

"Be rough with me."

"O-okay." He stammered and grabbed the back of your hair to pull on as he began slamming into you.

The skin of his thighs slapped at the meat of your ass over and over, but it somehow just wasn't enough.

"Harder, call me names." 

"I won't- I can't call you names." He panted his refusal.

Thank god he was behind you so he couldn't see you rolling your eyes.

"Stop stop, stop." 

His hips quit moving at once.

"Lay on your back." You had had enough and wanted to take this into your own hands.

One he pulled out and played down you straddled his hips, reaching down to guide his cock into your entrance before sinking down on it.

The moment you slowly moved your hips with him buried inside of you he began to moan. You picked up his hands and placed them on your breasts.

"What do you think, father?" Your voice dripped with seduction as you clenched around him.

"You're so- oh god- so beautiful." 

"Wrong answer." You stilled your hips making him scramble for the right words.

"Your pussy is so wet… just for me." 

"All for you." You began to move your hips again with the answer that satisfied you. Possibly to make sure they didn't stop again his hands drifted down to your hips to move them faster on his own. You couldn't help the loud moan that slipped out of your mouth at him taking control just a little.

"You take my dick so well." 

"Fuck fuck." You chanted, moving your hips faster, feeling so close to losing it. You couldn't lie, the thought of him being a priest was really about to get you off right now.

"Such a bad girl." He murmured. Maybe he felt the same.

"Does it feel good being in the same cunt as the devil has been?" You teased.

You swore you heard a very short, unamused chuckle from somewhere in the room. 

"Fuck yes, fuck I'm so close." He aggressively moved your hips now, his fingers digging into your flesh and finally making you cum.

"Up up" 

You got off of him fast and watched ad his hand went around his cock to give it a few short jerks. His thick cum spurted from the tip. Coating his hand and shaft.

"I'll get you something to clean that up with." You climbed off of him as he quickly nodded.

"Darliiiiing" 

You felt a hand on your thigh that woke you from your sleep.

"Wake up, I need you." Your face contorted in confusion at Namjoon's words.

"Too tired." You muttered into your pillow.

"But I'm so hard for you." His deep voice whispered in your ear sending tingles through your body.

"All I can think about is your wet little cunt of yours. I'll do whatever you want me to darling." His hand ghosted up your back until it came around and reached your neck where he left it

"Mmm." You hummed in satisfaction as you rotted your ass into his once again hard dick.

"You like that? Hm?" His voice was so thick and rough with sleep. "What if I squeezed just a little?" His fingers tightened slightly around your throat.

You were more than ready now for round two, it seemed he had found some courage between when you fucked earlier and now.

"Who does your pussy belong to, darling?" 

"You." You whispered mixed with a moan. You needed him back inside of you so badly that you ached for it.

"You lying whore." His grip on your throat tightened, so much that it became almost impossible to breathe.

You struggled against his grip and tried to pry his hand from your throat.

"Your body and cunt belongs to the devil. Evil courses through your blood." You could hear the hate in his voice through his gritted teeth.

You tried to kick at him, hit him, but you could feel the tightness in your face and brain from lack of blood flow and oxygen.

"Stop, please." You attempted to choke out as your vision grew hazy.

"You belong in hell too." 

You thrashed until there was no more pressure on your throat, your hands and feet collided with nothing.

You sat up in your bed covered in sweat. You were alone and once again your room was as hot as the pits of hell themselves.

You picked up your phone from the nightstand, almost blinding yourself with the light from it as you checked the time. 

Namjoon had left hours ago. He had left upon your request.

"What the fuck." You sighed as you flopped back into your bed.

As you laid there the weight of reality seemed to feel heavier and heavier on your chest, crushing.

Your mother was dead, you had fucked a priest, the devil wouldn't leave you alone, and you had very little time before your son was gone forever.

Your bedroom felt too large, too spacious for your lonely body just as all of your problems did. Would you end up sucked into it all? Eaten alive? Was there any point in fighting at all?

You swallowed down the lump in your throat but it was no use. You couldn't stop the tears that filled your eyes and leaked into your hairline as you stared up at your ceiling.

"Please" your word brought forth your sobs in the empty room "make it stop. I'll do anything but give up my son, just make it stop."

You couldn't help it, for weeks after your dream you felt weird around Namjoon. The rational part of your brain knew he wouldn't hurt you, although you still denied any little advances he made. It did fade, and once he took you out to dinner and you let him put his hand on your knee, but he was careful not to overstep boundaries.

You thought about calling him one night as you laid there sleepless in your bed. You don’t know how you had gotten so turned on but your body felt so hot with need.

You tried to just roll over and go to bed, but your sensitive clit throbbed along with your heartbeat as if begging you to touch it. Sny motion you made at all only made things worse until you gave in.

You pulled up your oversized sleep shirt and shoved a hand down your panties. You paused a moment as you realized that it wasn't just getting off you needed, but contact with someone.

You went to reach for your phone on the nightstand, but your hand didn't even meet it before you froze.

"Don't." It was a command.

Your eyes flashed to him sitting in the chair in the corner of the room, just like you thought you had seen him a month ago with Namjoon.

You quickly pulled your hand from your underwear and sat up with your mouth agape.

"Did you miss me, darling?" His horns tilted as his head did.

"Get out of my fucking house and leave me and my son alone!" You growled, clutching your shorts angrily in your fists.

"Why? So you can fuck that priest again?" He held up his index finger, slightly shaking it making a tsk-ing sound. 

"Why does it matter to you what I do?" Your voice was stone cold.

He narrowed his eyes at you and leaned forward in the chair with a smirk. You couldn't stop yourself from thinking how regal and utterly beautiful he looked. He looked far more casual this time in a black t-shirt and jeans, but nonetheless majestic and powerful.

"You must've forgotten. That's alright, I wouldn't mind reminding you. I'm not here for our son, don't worry, not just yet."

"Then let's talk about that." 

"Talk?" He gave a little smile "we can talk. Come here." 

Although you wanted to, almost needed to, you stayed in your bed.

"Then feel free to keep going… unless you want some help."

"Tell me why you're here." You demanded.

"I'm here to save you. You called me."

"I didn't." You argued.

He beckoned you over once more as he stood from the chair. You got out of bed this time and stepped closer.

"You've done nothing but try to get my attention for months. Don't argue, you know I'm right. I can hear it again, that delicate little heart of yours fluttering when you see me." He reached a hand out for you, you took it, it was just so warm in yours. You let him pull you in until your back faced his chest with his hands on your sides.

"You called me, see?" You closed your eyes as he whispered to you, your bodies swayed together in a nonexistent song. It felt as though he was pulling you deeper into a trance, and you let yourself go.

"Does that heartbeat for me? Do you live for me? Do you want me?" You felt his nose graze your neck, the hot air from his worst trailing behind it. You had dreams of this moment for years. His whispers, his touch, the way he made you feel drunk and hypnotized you, the way he made you feel whole.

"Yes." You couldn't lie, everything but the truth had melted away, you couldn't feel or speak much else. You were weak for him, weaker than you remembered.

"Then are you mine?"

"Yes." You answered once more.

"I'll talk to you my love, about whatever your heart desires. First, tell me what it is you want from me." He whispered as you felt him grip the hem of your sleep shirt at your thighs. His hands brushed your skin. You continued to sway with him, eyes closed, worried that if you opened your eyes that this would all be a dream, worried that if you looked at him you'd fall deeper.

You didn't want to say it, you didn't want to admit you wanted him right now. He had done so much to you. Your internal struggle was hard, you wanted him desperately, yet he had done so much to you and your family. Even your closed eyes couldn't hold back the tears that escaped.

"Why did you take her?" A single son escaped but you shut it down, you refused to show all of your weakness.

To your surprise, he gently shushed you.

"Darling, I didn't take her. Her soul was never mine to take. I don't decide who lives and dies, it was just her time."

You were stunned, why was he comforting you? Why did it feel so good?

"Please don't take our son, he's alI have now, he-"

"I've thought about so many things. We can talk later, no tricks, no lies. You don't need to worry. Just let them all fall away and tell me what you want."

You bit your lip as you felt his cock begin to twitch beside you.

"You already know I want you." Your voice was a soft, weak whisper.

"Yes, but do you want me to hold and comfort you? You've been struggling so much with that. Perhaps you want my cock buried so deep inside of you that it hurts. Or maybe you just want me to pump that belly full of a second baby." 

His hand slid into your panties as you let out a gasp of excitement. Every nerve in your body felt hypersensitive, so when he slid his finger over your slit you cried out for him.

"All of it. Please, I want it all." 

"What a greedy, needy little bitch. Did that boring god loving freak not satisfy you?" He teased as his finger dipped into your folds and teased at your clit.

"N-no." You stammered.

"You didn't look like you were having much fun, not until you saw me at least." He seemed so amused by it. "I'm a little mad you let him poorly use you like that" he seemed to growl making slight fear go down your spine. "Who fucks you better? Who has a bigger dick?" His finger circling your clit picked up speed with the ferocity of his words.

"You." Your breath was already short.

"Tonight, prove to me that you're mine, that you're devoted, that you'll do whatever it takes for me, And I'll show you I'm yours." 

This wasn't happening, you couldn't believe the words he had just softly said into your neck. Your disbelief was cut off by your quickly approaching orgasm. You let out a whine as your knees turned to rubber, you would've fallen had he not have been holding you tightly against him.

"That's it darling, let me have you, let go for me." Your orgasm exploded through you like a bomb and all you could do was whine.

"Such a good girl." He still held you tightly and placed light kisses on your neck and collarbone as he took his tattooed hand from the front of your panties.

You let out a small shriek when he picked you up and carefully set you on the bed. He could've broken you in half right then and there, if he wanted to.

"On all fours, ass facing me." 

You hurried into position for him, and for a while, you felt nothing until you felt the fiery sting of a slap along a cheek.

You sucked in a breath.

"What's the matter baby, can't take it for me?"

He was so wrong, you loved it.

"I'll take whatever you give me." Your words were followed by the pleasure of another slap.

"Fuck it." He muttered and suddenly you were dragged by your legs onto his lap where he positioned you over it.

"Take anything for me, huh? We'll see about that." The slaps kept coming until your ass felt raw. You arched your ass up for him as you let out a needy whine.

"You're so fucking wet, it's everywhere. Do you want me to touch you? Is that what you're whining for?" 

You let out another whine.

"Say it."

"Please touch me. I want you to touch me." 

"I'll give you what you want." You knew that tone he used, it was the tone of having something else planned.

His fingers immediately sunk into your core.

"You're wetter than I thought, I could slide whatever I wanted into you so effortlessly." 

You could hear the sounds of his coated fingers working you too.

"Whatever you want." You replied hoping it was his cock, but you knew better at this point.

"My love, I'm going to absolutely fucking ruin you."

You went to reply but suddenly felt the slight stretch and sting of more fingers entering you.

"Ahhhh." You let out but backed up further onto his hand, still wanting more.

"What a good little whore, look at you riding my hand and taking it all for me." 

You loved the pain, and he gave it to you like no one else could. You were already ruined for anyone else, but he didn't know that.

His hand felt so deep inside of you that you swear you could feel it in your stomach.

"Harder." You begged,  and he obliged.

"You like me filling you like this, slut? I'm going to stretch your pussy so well for my big cock."

You continued to rock backward in tandem with his movements, it didn't take long at all until you were almost there, panting and gripping the sheets.

He stopped and slowly pulled his hand from your cunt, leaving you feeling more hollowed out than a pumpkin.

You left his lap and looked at him just in time to see his shirt come off. His body was just as beautiful as you remembered it, something of pure art and fantasy combined. Tattooed, muscular, and smooth you just wanted to lick every single inch of him, you had to.

You climbed back into his lap and pushed him back while you leaned forward and placed your lips to the very warm flesh of his collarbone. Your lips made their way down slowly to his nipples and enveloped one in your mouth.

"Ah." A sound of surprise and pleasure came from him, and you loved it, you loved that you could make him feel that way, you wanted more.

You took your mouth from his chest and crawled backward until you sat between his legs.

You undid his pants and pushed his underwear down along with him. You had almost forgotten just how massive his cock was. It was veiny and the tip was a blushed shade of pink that made your mouth water.

You spit in both your hands and wrapped them both around his shaft.

You slid your spit slicked hands over his leaking head before slowly bringing then down to the base.

"Faster darling. Don't play with me." He threatened with a grunt. You did as he asked and even added your mouth.

His hands tangled tightly in your hair at once.

It was hard to take him even halfway into your mouth without you gagging around his size and thickness filling your throat.

As you sucked his dick, you stared at the three black sixes on his lower stomach and watched as they moved as his muscles flexed.

"What I wouldn't give to cum down your throat right now."

You moaned around his cock at the desperation and lust in his voice.

"So fucking good for me. You suck my cock so well with your little whore mouth." He gripped your hair tighter but still not enough to hurt.

Him lying there, moaning and groaning as you pleased him made you all the more impossibly wet, you could feel it as you squeezed your thighs together.

"Please come here." He asked as he released your hair and sat up.

As you let his cock leave your mouth and too sat up only for him to lift and drag you onto his lap once again. He reached down and guided his cock into your entrance.

As you lowered yourself onto him he made a noise that should've stopped your heart.

It was a moan and a sigh all at once, he combined that with dropping his head onto your shoulder. The fullness and warmth of his cock inside of you, every little move he made, he was all just too much. How could you survive something like this a second time, especially with being this close to him.

He didn't move even an inch for a moment, not until he lifted his head off of your body and peered at you with those inky black eyes through his just as inky dark hair.

His net movements were fast, rough, and hard. He grabbed your hair from behind, forcing your head as far back as it could go without breaking anything. Your chest was arched towards him and he used it to his advantage by taking a nipple into his mouth as he bucked his hips into you quickly. All you could do was grip his shoulders for dear life as he fucked into you, fingernails sinking deeper and deeper into his muscular flesh the closer he pushed you to your high.

You felt the little sharp sting of him pinching your nipple between his teeth. You couldn't help but fall completely apart as you moaned out the filthiest curse words that you could.

Once he let your hair go and you could properly look at him, you saw beads of dark liquid forming on his shoulders. Your nails and grip had drawn blood, real human blood.

All you could do was stare. He bled just like you, he was vulnerable just like you, just like anyone else.

"Hm?" He caught your staring but seemed confused.

"I-I hurt you. I'm sorry." You furrowed your eyebrows with guilt.

He laughed, it was a real laugh, not a teasing one, not an unamused snort. His nose crinkled and his more prominent two front teeth were made more visible.

"It didn't hurt, I didn't even know you did it." He tried to get a look at the little droplets himself before wiping one away with his finger to show there was no mark left, he had somehow healed.

Each fleeting glimpse of his humanity vanished as soon as you spotted it.

His dick was beginning to soften inside of you despite him not getting off yet.

"Did you want to kiss it and make it better for me?" His voice was seductively playful and you couldn't tell if he was joking or not until he brought his blood-smeared fingertips to your lips.

You looked him in the eyes as you took them into your mouth and sucked them clean. He looked satisfied and you could feel his dick twitch back to life inside of you, showing you how much he liked that. Without a second thought, you attached your mouth to his shoulder and began to lick and cuck at the blood droplets where the wounds once were. The moment reminded you of when you were a child and they told you that wine was the blood of Christ, except this was so much better. You wanted to show him you were willing to take him in any way possible, to submit to every desire he had.

He pushed his now hard cock as far as it would go into you.

"I want to do something to you." He whispered as he continued to slowly thrust.

"Do it." Your reply was fast.

"It's going to hurt you." He added.

"Do it."

“I will. For now, shut up and bounce on my cock, slut.” his tattooed hand grabbed throat “ and you better fucking ride it harder and faster than you did that stupid Jesus loving freak.” his face read of disgust.

“Yes daddy,” you replied trying to hide the smirk at the satisfaction on his face from you calling him that.

He dropped his hand from your neck and you began to move your hips as he laid back. You would normally start slow, but you let him have it. Everything about him was incomparable to anyone you’ve ever slept with.

“Fuck, like that baby.” His hair was messy, his eyes were squeezed shut and his tattoo that looked like a snake that wrapped around his torso almost looked like it was slithering. 

“You like that daddy? I took every inch of your big cock just for you.” you loved the power over him that he was letting you have and you were going to make sure you got to enjoy it.

His hand shot to your hip and he squeezed.

“I swear If you fucking make me cum right now you’ll fucking pay for it,” he grunted obviously trying to hold back seeing as his hand was digging into your skin as if it was the last lifeline between him and losing it.

“Don’t you want to cum in my pussy daddy? Fill it full of cum and watch it drip out of me?” you continued to tease him and bring him even closer as you jackhammered up and down on his rock hard dick.

“Fuck, this is your last damn warning bitch.” his jaw was clenched, but it was too late, you were already falling apart on top of him, once again saying the dirtiest shit you could as he shuttered under you, barely hanging on as he watched you cum.

You paused, breathing heavily for a moment of rest, but it didn't last long. He was pulling out of you and throwing you face down on the bed, holding your hands by the wrists behind your back.

“I fucking told you, didn’t I?” 

“Sorry, dadd-”

“Did I say you could speak bitch?”

He wasn’t even inside you anymore but you’re empty walls clenched as you let out a small moan onto the bed sheets.

“Now let’s see just how fucking much you’re willing to take. Be good for me darling.”

You were scared but excited at the same time, the adrenaline that coursed through your veins was nothing like you’ve ever felt before.

“Yes daddy.”

“Don’t fucking move.”

You listened and stayed completely still.

You felt his hand cover the back of your neck. It got warmer and warmer until it felt searingly hot, it was burning your skin. You bit down on your lip so hard it had to have left a bruise just to keep from screaming. There was no way of stopping the whimpers that came from you in the few seconds that his hand was on your skin.

“There,” he said and sounded as though he was admiring his work before releasing your body and letting you sit up. By the time you sat up though, the pain was entirely gone as if it had never even happened.

“It’s the mark, to match.” you knew he meant that he had just branded you with an upside-down cross to match his and your son’s. You were too busy noticing the wetness on your cheeks and wondering where they had come from to concentrate on this strange sentimental moment.

You felt something warm roll down your cheek and lifted a hand to wipe away what you now realized were tears, but he gently grabbed your wrist.

With his other hand went to your chin and guided your head to face him.

You were met face to face with him, his dark eyes peering into yours and also assessing your wet cheeks.

Both hands now went to your cheeks and his thumbs wiped over the wet mess on your skin. 

He was trying to dry your tears.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.” his voice was quiet. It was a glimmer of sincerity, a splinter of sweetness.

“I didn’t even feel it.” you joked but he didn’t buy it or laugh, instead he just continued to stare into your eyes with both hands on your face.

He leaned in so slowly, head tilting slightly and his lips met yours so gently. Your eyes closed and pressed your lips harder into his.

It was a sweet kiss but it held the strength and intensity of being punched in the stomach.

Your hands came up to roam the back of his shaggy, dark hair but your mind was elsewhere.

You imagined him as an average man, your son as a normal little boy, you imagined a family. Cuddling on the couch, touching him whenever you pleased, your son being able to play with his father, your life with him would never grow dull. However, your daydreams were dashed as your hand accidentally met with a horn. 

What was wrong with you? You knew these things were stupid and unattainable, he was unattainable. Although you had known this fact from the start, here you were sleeping with him again. He fucked you over so hard, he was pure evil and you knew it, but yet here you were falling for him even harder. To be fair though, was there a soul living or dead that could resist him, that ever has been able to?

You pulled away, his hands left your face.

He looked at you with wide eyes, he looked almost shocked, scared. There was some kind of very deep feeling moment between the both of you, some kind of wordless exchange of revelations. 

A million things you wanted to say to him flooded your mind at this moment. There were so many things you wanted answers to ”Do you know how miserable I was? Do you know what it felt like waiting for you in fear the entire time? Do you know how much I hate not being able to hate you? Do you know how bad it hurts me seeing your face in my son’s? Do you know how badly you ruined my entire adult life? Do you know how hurtfully perfect you look? Do you know how lucky and cursed I feel all at once? Do you feel any weight for the things you've done to me and my family?” but you were too scared this moment would end, that he would never come back, that he would take your son and leave. You wanted to cry, but you pushed the entire internal war out of your mind, you boxed it all away just to not ruin this moment.

During your thoughts and your stares at one another, his face had softened and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Y/n” you realized that it was the first time he had ever spoken your name out loud, and as beautiful as it had sounded coming from his lips, you didn't want to hear it spoken so guilt filled. “I’m so sor-”

"Are you going to make me cum again or not?" You broke the silence, and he seemed thrown off for a moment. You didn't know what he was apologizing for, but you didn't want to know. Not only did you want to shut this sad moment down just to have the fun back, but something inside of you hurt to hear and see him like this.

An expression you were familiar with him having flickered onto his face, a smirk. It relieved you and set the fire in your body back alight.

He tackled you with his hands wrapped around you. You were flesh to flesh, his lips moving to the space above your breasts, sucking hard before moving onto another are.

“Dont fuck anyone else.” it wasn't sharp like his normal demands, it was almost as if he was asking you not to without making it into a real question.

You almost snorted as he continued making an army of marks that continued to trail lower and lower.

You almost snorted sarcastically.

“Then who the Hell am I supposed to fuck?”

“Me, fuck me.”

You did sarcastically laugh at this one. 

“Don't laugh at me.” he said defensively before sucking a new place by your belly button.

“What? Every few years you’ll swing by and I just have to wait until then?”

“No. Are you even enjoying this anymore or have you now set your focus on calling me out?” he looked up at you with an arched brow.

“Calling you out seems more fun right now.” you were only half joking, all of that hurt hfrom earlier was now festering back up to the surface upon hearing his stupid lies.

“I told you I’d talk, and I will. Trust me.” he sat up and looked down at you.

“I’ve trusted you before and that was shitty.” you argued.

“Then why the fuck are you fucking me now? Why the fuck are you letting me mark you? Why the fuck are you telling me you belong to me?” he shot back.

“BECAUSE I WANT TO PRETEND YOU'RE NOT… NOT...I DON’T KNOW...THE ACTUAL FUCKING DEVIL!” you whisper yelled at him through clenched teeth.

He came down over you and looked you in the eyes for a moment with such a look you thought he might kill you, but instead his voice was quiet and calm.

“If you think I’m incapable of feeling then you’re wrong, you're dead wrong. If I didn’t feel, then why would I want my son? Why have I been watching him grow, watching you love and take care of him and doing my best not to interfere with your time with him. I may not be mortal but I have feelings, I have empathy. Do you understand the shit I have to see and be in charge of? Do you know what it feels like to just want something so pure in good while living in something so fucked? Watching you and our son has been the only sliver of heaven that I’ve ever been able to have.” his arms were shaking as he held himself over you. You had never seen his body show any signs of tiredness or weakness, even his wounds had healed right up. He was shaken talking about this and it was obvious.

It hit you hard. Why would he want to take him? Why did all of this just make sense?

“So please, don’t take this away from me right now. Let me make you cum again, let me just have this for a little longer and we can talk.”

You were stunned. He had felt the same way, he wanted to drag this out just as much as you did, he wanted to cherish this. The question now in the air was, if you both wanted to be together, then why couldn't you?

You yanked him by the hair, forcing his lips to collide with yours. Your tongue clashed with his split one, but it no longer surprised you or made you nervous. While little about him was normal, what was normal anyway? From the moment you saw him as he really was you had thought he was perfect, so why until now had you been wishing for him to be the man you first saw at the bar? Was it because the puzzle piece of his humanity had been missing in an otherwise perfect puzzle?

Your teeth gnashed together as if you were young, new lovers blooming with anticipation, as if you had never touched before now, despite fucking for god knows how long already.

He bit at your already sore lip you had bitten down on, but he wasn't harsh.

“I want you.” you told him meaning more than just how he took it. He reached between both of you and pushed himself into your already abused core, you winced from the ache and the sensitivity.

“Close your eyes” his voice was so quiet you almost didn't hear his instruction.

You closed them though.

“Now imagine me like you.”

“Why?” you asked.

“Humor me.” 

You did, you imagined him like he was the night of the bar, like you had thought of him earlier.

“Now run your hands through my hair.”

With your eyes still closed, you felt for his hair before coming them through the soft, wavy strands. Your eyes opened just to make sure what you were feeling was correct. As you looked at his hornless head, his brown eyes looked down at you. Now you properly looked him in the eyes and now that you could see his irises, you knew now that he was looking right at you, not just at you though. He looked at you like you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen with a small smile of amusement.

“I just wanted to have this moment with you, like you. I thought it would mean something to you to not have to look into cold, black pits.” 

The man looking and speaking to you right now was not the devil, he wasn't horrible or evil but neither was the man he was before but you were yet to know why he did the things he did.

You lifted your neck this time to kiss him and his lips chased yours as you laid back onto the pillow. He once again slowly began to thrust, short breaths and quiet moans escaped you both. Your legs entangled around his hips, angling your own body so he could hit just the right place.

“Be with me.” his voice shook as he continued to thrust “I’ll do anything.” he sounded just so weak as if he were pleading.

“I’m already yours, don't pretend you don't know that.”

“Let's have a family then, I’ll stay.” he rested his forehead on top of yours, his eyes were closed, hips still moving hard cut slow as if with each powerful but passionate thrust was a chance to convince you to be with him.

“As-” you could feel yourself coming closer and struggling harder to catch your breath. “As long as you stay.” You knew it, if he went away, if you lost him tonight, nothing would ever feel this good again, you'd never feel this complete for as long as you lived.

“Let's start now on expanding.” you could see his slight smile before his voice turned serious and sultry.” want me to put another baby in you?”

“Please, fuck I’m so close.”

“Come on baby, cum for me one more time.” he picked up the pace with his hips up just a little more. “Let me get you pregnant again.”

He only thrust into you a few more times before you were coming undone underneath him.

“Fuck, I love you fuck fuck fuck.” you moaned as he also let go, burying himself deeper than he already had been.

“I love you, I love you too.” he messily kissed your lips as you felt his last few pumps slow.

Only when he had said it back did you realize you had said it at all. 

You were still breathing heavily as he pulled out and laid down next you. There was silence between you, for a while as you both recovered.

"I said I would talk so here it is."

You decided to just lay there and listen to him.

"I've always known we were supposed to be together, always. There are things I just know, I can't explain it, sometimes I just know destiny and sometimes I don't until certain events happen. Ever since I became the king of hell I've always known that eventually there would be one woman that would bring me to my knees. They call her Lilith, although that's not her name just as satan, the devil, whatever, isn't mine. There have been stories and mythology written about you that just aren't true, much like everything else in my life. When I met your mother, I knew I was fucked. So I stopped you from being able to conceive, how was I supposed to know I was only helping destiny along? When you summoned me I was nervous, although curious as to what you would be like, I never watched you until you began to work on summoning me. I developed a plan. I thought if I just gave you what you wanted and then took it away from you then you would hate me, you would never want to see me again, but yet again I plated into destiny. The moment I saw my son… when I watched you care for him and love him, I-I felt this longing. I wanted to hold him, I wanted to be with you both. I kept my distance and fought against the urge to just drop in and tell you how I felt. I resented you for the power you held over me, but at the same time I wanted to give you your space and let you have your time with him. I was still going to take him but at that point it was out of love. I knew you were still angry with me anyway, rightfully so, I also thought… that you couldn't love someone like me anyway, you were better off with a mortal and I wanted to let you live your life. I watched your pathetic attempts to protect our son from me, at least you thought you were only trying to protect him. You're a good mother, just like yours was. When our son was really little I used to sneak into his nursery and just hold him and stare at him, I could see you in him. The point where I knew I had to step in was the priest. Not only did he treat my son like his, not only did you fuck him and make me jealous but-"

He abruptly wet quiet just as the anger in his voice seemed to pick up.

"I'm sorry." You replied.

"It's not that, it's not any of that that makes me hate him, it's not my jealousy." He still didn't say what it was, but instead he got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" You sat straight up.

"I'm going to shower if that's okay." He replied as he shuffled for the bathroom attached to your room.

"Sure." He was already in there by the time you uttered out your dumbstruck reply.

He had said he would stay, you don't know why him doing average things in your home just astounded you.

You laid back in the bed with the reassurance of him planning to stay and you thought about it all.

At first you asked yourself what your mother would think of this, what she would say. Maybe if she knew everything that he had just told you she simply wouldn't say anything at all. She had been able to love the devil's son and see him for just the little boy he really was, so maybe she would've done the same for the devil himself had she really known him.

You were beginning to feel uncomfortable with the stickiness of his speed leaking out and smearing all over your thighs.

Some part of you was nervous to go into the bathroom with him showering in there, but it was your house.

You ran to the bathroom as fast as it could to keep the cum from dripping everywhere and making a mess on the floor.

You paused as you caught a glimpse of his silhouette through the shower curtain.

His horns had returned, but you didn't look at him as much as his overall shape, you could help your staring.

"I hear your heart again, are you looking at me?" He chuckled and your eyes went wide with the horror of being caught.

"I…"

"Do you want in here with me?"

"...y-yes?" 

"Get in, I promise to just let you shower, no funny business." He offered.

He kept his word though, he did his own thing in the shower and so did you. He did look jarringly beautiful with the water beading on his tattooed skin and muscles, but you didn't know how much more your body could physically handle of him so you kept your hands to yourself.

He got out of the shower before you, you were a little concerned at the silence so you got out soon after.

You found a fresh towel and pajamas waiting for you on the bathroom sink so you quickly dressed.

He just sat there in a white t-shirt and black sweat pants at the foot of your bed. His head was down and he looked to be in deep thought as he stared at the floor. He looked a little sad.

"Have you seen him since you've been here?" You asked curiously, making him finally look up and shake his head.

"Would you like to?"

He seemed shocked by your offer.

"I wouldn't want to wake him…" 

"It's alright, he's a good sleeper, he'll go back to bed… if you want to that is."

"I really really want to, I haven't seen him person to person since he was a newborn."

You led him down the hall and pushed open your son's cracked bedroom door.

His night light dimly lit the form of his little body snuggled in his toddler sized bed.

You let his father take a few apprehensive steps into the room, slowly approaching him before he knelt on the floor by the bed.

You just looked on at the little moment.

He gently pushed his son's shaggy hair from his sleeping face, but caused him to stir.

"Daddy?" You heard your son's sleepy voice ask. You had no idea how he knew it was his father, and from the look on his father's face, neither did he.

"Hey buddy." 

Your son sat up and threw his arms around his father's neck, who promptly picked him up and stood. He wrapped his arms around the little boy, holding him close.

"How did you know it was me?" 

Your son unwrapped his arms from his father and looked at his face.

You saw his lips begin to quiver and his eyes fill with tears as he started to break down.

"Oh no." You whispered as you saw your boy stare at the horns on his father's head.

"Your horns are scaring him." You whispered.

Your son patted the top of his own head as he sobbed in his father's arms.

"Me too, I too."

"Oh." You said as you realized that your son was answering his dad.

"You have them too? That's how you knew, huh?"

Your son nodded to his father and began to cry harder. His dad pulled him back into his body, lightly shushing him and patting his back. He buried his head in the little boy's hair much like you had the day in your car after he was horrifically baptized.

The moment hit you like a train.

He had missed his father all this time, and you had no idea.

"you know I'm always with you, right? You and mommy both." 

Your son nodded into his father's neck, soaking his shirt with tears although his father didn't seem to mind at all.

"I know you hear me sometimes. You know I'm here." 

Your son pulled away from him again to look at him.

"Daddy-" his words were cut off by upset hiccups from crying so hard "no leave."

"I'm not. I'll stay, I promise." 

His father knelt back down on the floor and attempted to lay the boy back in his bed, but his little hands stayed locked around him.

"I'll be here when you wake up, and all of the rest of the days when you wake up from now on, you can let go, I'll be right here."

Your son finally relinquished his hold on his father who pushed more hair from his son's face.

"And mommy?" Your son's eyes look at you now.

"Mommy has always been here, silly." His father then spoke something in a strange language, it might've been the one from your dream after your son was born.

Your son gave his father a nod not just as if he understood, but he did understand this very strange language. You had never heard your son speak it, and you had no idea that he even knew a whole other language, until he spoke it back to his father.

He sat there knelt beside his son's bed until he drifted off to sleep. You watched as he gave him a kiss on his forehead before standing and turning to face you.

You walked into the hall and closed your son's bedroom door when he looked at you with a look of concern.

"There's still more I have to tell you, it's the most important thing."

"You're going to have to trust me, okay?" He asked from his seat on the sofa beside you. "There are things I know and things I don't, you have the power to change destiny, and right now what I'm seeing is someone is going to try to take you away from us, from your family."

"Okay," you tried to patiently follow, ready for him to say anything.

"Namjoon is going to kill you."

"Why's he going to kill me?" 

"I had this deal with his whore grandmother… she wasn't happy with it, it wasn't my fault. It's not my fault mortals are idiots."

"Hey." You firmly snapped at him.

"It's just what I do, I teach lessons. Anyway, I believe Namjoon is going to hurt you and maybe even our son. He can't physically harm me, I'm immortal, but he can hurt the things I care about. Unfortunately, I can't kill him either, I can't kill humans, God's rules. So I can't stop him, there's nothing I can do but pass this to you. It doesn't matter what you do, Namjoon will hunt you down."

"Okay." You simply just sat there looking calm on the outside but terrified on the inside.

"So, y/n… I think it's kill or be killed in this case. If you die, I'm not sure how much I can do to protect our son but take him with me…" 

To hell was what he meant.

You let out a sigh as you stared at the floor and scraped together some kind of plan.

"Take my soul." You offered.

"Why?"

"In case something happens to me, take my soul." You were sure of your decision.

"I'm not taking your soul." He declined.

"Why?" It was your turn now to ask.

"Do you want to go to hell? Do you realize how many eternities you would be tortured down there before I ever found you?" 

"No." You answered both questions and seemed less sure of your offer now.

"I'm not taking your soul. Our son could come and go with me because he has that power, but you, a pure mortal… you would be in more pain than you could ever imagine." 

"But if I killed a man… wouldn't I go anyway?" You pointed out.

"Not if it was out of self defense for you and your family."

"What the fuck am I saying?! I can't kill father Namjoon!" You realized.

"Y/n, I know he's going to kill you, and I don't want to lose you, I'd do anything not to lose you. What about our son? What about our second child?"

Your mouth dropped open.

"Second child? It-we…?"

"It's not just you living in that mortal body anymore. I know, just like I did the moment I gave you our son. You have to live, you have to do this, you have to trust me."  He reached for your hand and threaded his fingers through yours. "I love you and I need you here with us."

"How do I do it?" You gave in.

You were terrified as the phone rang.

You had just left your son with the babysitter and you sat in your car. You were alone but you felt him near you.

"Hey!" Namjoon's voice came through cheerfully and it made you feel sick.

"Hey, I'm not doing so great tonight. Everything is a bit heavy and I kind of want some fresh air. Would you go for a walk with me at the park? I know it's late but…" 

"Of course. The one closest to where you live, right? I'll meet you there in a few."

You thanked him before hanging up.

"I'm sorry you have to do this." He appeared right beside you in the passenger's seat now, but you didn't look at him, instead you spaced out while looking out the window at the dark park. You were nervous, you were trying to ready yourself, you were trying to wrap your head around this situation.

"What happens after? What do I do right after?" You asked.

"I'll take care of everything. No one will know." The grim thought of what that entailed was shadowed by reassurance of only having one task to do. "You just wait in the car, I'll drive us home. I'll take care of you." 

"What if he sees this opportunity to kill me like I do with him?" You asked with your hands shaking in your lap.

"I think he would wait for a moment when our son is with you, pick you off at the same time." 

Your mouth was dry, but you still tried to swallow down the weight of his words.

"But what if I die? You said you don't know all things." You continued to think your worries out loud.

"I also said people can change destiny, they do it all the time." 

"You haven't been able to." Your point made him go silent a moment. It was true, he had been fighting against his destiny with you since before you were born only to end up with you.

"Part of me didn't want to change it, even if I hated it at first. I've always wanted you. The first time I saw you I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from you. The first time you saw me, I just wanted you to look at me that way forever, I didn't care about anything anymore and that was scary. You're my Lilith, my eternal soulmate, there was never any fighting you. There's nothing more powerful than what we have, not me, not god himself."

"What if you're tricking me?" You asked abruptly.

"You really think I would?" His voice sounded hurt and you could feel him looking at you as you said nothing "of course you do, of course you'd think that after what I've done and because of who I am." His voice was soft now like he had accepted that option "I wish I could take back what I did to you, everything I've done to you. I wish I never would've made that deal with your mother, I wish you would've had a family with a normal man, a normal life… what have I done?"

"Like you said" you sighed "it was supposed to happen anyway, it's not all on you. I've suffered for you, and now I'm going to kill for you. Would I be doing that- any of this if I really thought you were tricking me?" You admitted. "Maybe I'm just blinded by you, so in love with you and wanting a family with you that I can't see anything else, you're the devil, it's probably what you do, but what other option do I have anyway?" 

"We could go home." He offered softly. "We could have our family and play pretend until it's ripped away." You could hear him swallow louder than his soft words."Then I'll have nothing, but at least I would've had everything for just a fraction of a moment in my eternal life."

"I'm not going to live forever anyway you know, our son might, but I'm human. I die, and when I do I'm destined to be tortured in hell for eternity." 

"You're not going to hell." 

"How do you know?" You asked partially out of curiosity "I'm in love with Satan, I bare his mark, I bared his child. How much more sinful can I be? You can't sit there and tell me Satan's soulmate is going to heaven."

"God has never let me have anything. If he decides it's your destiny and your time to go, if you're taken from me and I can't have you in life, he's not going to let me have you in death." He explained.

You sat there thinking about what he said and came to the very real conclusion that you were most likely going to die tonight. God wouldn't let him have you, he had already seen that Namjoon would kill you, you were going to die. 

Your eyes began to fill with tears as everything finally began to sink in.

"Please take care of our son." 

"Don't." He snapped at you "Don't you say that shit like I'm going to lose you."

You began to sob, you weren't listening to him.

"You're going to go out there and fuck him up and that's going to be the end of it." His voice was stern, but you were falling apart. You let your head fall onto the steering wheel.

"Why wont you just take my fucking soul?!" You cried in despair and frustration "you have every single fucking thing in my life but that, just take it god damn it! Take it and let me burn until you find me. I will obviously go through anything for you and our son at this point. Just fucking take it." 

"You don't deserve it. I don't deserve you, okay? I've fucking destroyed your life, I'm not dragging this into the timeless afterlife, no matter how badly it hurts. We have one single shot, and this is it. I'm fucking horrible, I'm the worst of the absolute worst, but there’s no way I'm going to be that selfish to let you rot in hell because of me." 

"Please?" Your voice was a desperate squeak as you finally turned to him. "Fuck." You uttered at what you saw.

There was a dark liquid running from his pitch black eyes and down his cheeks.

"Is-is that fucking blood? Are you crying blood?" 

You watched as it pooled at his chin and dropped onto his white shirt.

"Please do everything you can tonight." He ignored your question and begged you.

If you had a doubt that he loved you before, you didn't now. You watched as he closed his eyes.

"God," he began, he didn't seem as though he was talking to you at all "just let me have this, please? I'll do anything. Just let me have my family."

The dark car was suddenly illuminated by headlights coming from behind. You turned to see a car pulling into the parking lot.

"I'll be with you." He spoke as Namjoon parked beside your car.

The passenger's seat was empty when you looked back.

This was it.

You felt for the pocket knife you had put in your pocket upon leaving the house and your adrenaline began to rush through your body.

You willed your weak legs to get out of the car.

You forced a half-hearted smile but did your best not to look him in the eyes.

It was quiet at first as you both started down the dark trail.

"Don't get offended, but you look terrible." 

You hadn't slept since you had gotten your mission yesterday night, your mind felt fried and stressed and tired.

"It's been hard." You were honest about how you felt.

"Why is your lip bruised? Did you get hit?" He pried as you thought back to how hard you had bit it the other night.

"No, I did it, by accident." Although it was the truth, you wouldn't have believed it either with the way you had said it.

"Are-are you seeing anyone? It's been a few days since we talked and-"

"No." You lied quickly.

"If there's anything I can do to help you or your son… I know things are still rough for you…" 

"We'll be okay." 

He gave you a strange look.

"You're not still worried about… him?" You could hear the suspension in Namjoon's voice and you knew you had to say something to extinguish it for now.

"I am, I just don't know what's left to do, I feel so hopeless." You said as you saw the path begin to lead into a more wooded area ahead.

"Don't you feel him right now?" Namjoon asked.

"He's always just… around, I'm used to it. Maybe it's just me at this point." 

"What's that on your neck?" He reached out to see.

You had to do it now, you felt like your mark had given you away.

You stepped back out of his grasp as you quickly took the knife from your pocket and flipped it open. You didn't know if he had time to see it or not before you lunged at him.

He had put his hands up to stop you but the force you had come at him sent him toppling backward. 

You went to plunge the knife into his neck only to feel his hand around your wrist stopping you.

He yelled for help but there wasn't another soul at the park, you had been here awhile waiting, you would know.

You used your other hand to help overpower him, but he was still stronger even with all of this adrenaline and chemicals coursing through your body, even with the image of your family in your mind.

"Stop!" Namjoon yelled at you, but this was too far gone to stop now, your mind was already made up. You knew that if you stopped now then you would be the one who died.

Your arms were beginning to grow tired and your strength was weakening and because of that he was able to shift the point of the knife towards you.

In one last burst of strength you tried to switch the knife's direction back towards him but your muscles just gave out.

You didn't feel the pain of the plunge into your chest at first, but you felt the crack of your ribs at the sheer force. You were in shock, it didn't feel at all like you had just been stabbed. You let go of Namjoon and rolled over onto the cool grass as you tried to process everything.

You could hear Namjoon panicking, sitting over you, trying to help you,  it was confusing.

Why was he trying to help you? He wanted you dead.

"Please? Where are you?" You choked out. It was hard to breathe, you felt like you were drowning as you looked up at the stars.

"Get away from her." It was the only voice you wanted to hear, it had brought you some kind of peace.

You saw Namjoon look at something with wide eyes before leaving your line of vision. His quick footsteps on the ground you lay on got further and further away. 

You continued to choke and gasp.

Jungkook watched in the distance as the knife was turned on you and the blade disappeared in your chest.

It hadn't hurt until now. It was as if you were his voodoo doll. He had never felt pain before, but once he felt the sting, he knew exactly what it was, although his pain came from the inside. Until now he had been watching coldly, waiting for this to happen, knowing you would die.

You had to die, there was no other way you'd let him have his son, there was no way you'd let your son end this world. You were too compassionate, too human, too emotional. You were all the things Jungkook never thought he was. Perhaps you completed him in many ways he only was now able to realize.

He was able to fool you so well, tell you all the sweet things you needed to hear to lead you to your own demise. But why did it only now hurt him? Had it been so easy to lie to you because maybe somewhere deep down in his unbeating heart he knew that maybe you really were the one? He felt as though that as you laid there dying, that you were forcing your most human parts into him, you were cursing him.

He had never actually thought you were his Lilith, his soulmate, not until now as he watched you bleeding out and physically felt it. He felt the weight of every sweet thing and lie he had ever told you pressing on his chest. Your face, the sweet moments, holding you, the guilt of never telling you his name, everything flashed before him. He wondered for a moment if he was dying too.

"I have given you a gift, the gift to feel.Your heart is broken, child. Go to her, be with her in her last breaths before I bring her home."

It wasn't even a voice that Jungkook heard, but it wasn't in his head either. He knew who was speaking to him. He suddenly felt enraged. He wasn't going to let God take you away from him.

"Get away from her." Jungkook boomed making the silly mortal that was panicking over you run at the sight and power of his voice.

Jungkook knelt down beside you and watched as the blood flowed from the corners of your mouth and tears streamed from your eyes.

"He's not going to take you from me! God damn it! Please don't take her!" Jungkook knew you wouldn't go to hell, god himself had said so. You did nothing wrong, you had been fooled by him just like Eve had been, and Eve still went to heaven when she died. He would never see you again and it hit him harder than anything ever had before.

Jungkook  lifted his hand, the one he hadn't unknowingly slipped through your fingers, and produced a flame which gave way to a scroll of paper.

He pulled you into his lap as you continued to choke. He put your hand to your wound and dipped your fingers into your blood.

"It's okay, it's going to be fine, please just sign it, you have to move, sign it." He let go of your hand but it was limp. There was no more choking, only a faint rattling coming from you now.

"Please please just sign the paper." He begged. "I'm so sorry, I was wrong, I did this and I'm so sorry. It hurts so badly, sign the paper, I need your soul, I need to find you." 

Silence.

There was no hummingbird heartbeat, there was no heartbeat at all as he looked into your empty eyes that still looked back at him. Your body lay in his lap with the mark he had given you, but you were gone. 

“But I love you...” it was the first time in his existence that he had said it and meant it. You had never known he didn't mean it, you had never known everything he did was a lie, maybe it was best that way. Despite not feeling any of it before, he felt it now, all at once. If he could do it all over again just to mean it, just to experience those feelings along with you he would. He would have held you longer, cried more, he wouldn't have ever let you do this, he wouldn't have fed you those dreams and lies and he would have protected you. Namjoon never wanted to hurt you.

All Jungkook wanted to do now was hold you, so he did until you grew cold. It wasn't fair he only got to feel this after you were gone as punishment. He wanted to go back, he wanted to start over, but it was too late. What kind of cruel god would gift him with his now?

His chest continued to sting, as his anger continued to fester. He hated everything, God, Namjoon, himself, this horrible fucking mortal world. 

He was going to burn it all. He never wanted to make another deal with any human ever again.

Whilst he couldn't touch these stupid fucking humans, his son could, he was half human.

This wasn't supposed to happen for another few years. He didn't think his son was old enough just yet, but it would have to do, he was still naive enough to destroy humanity on his father's command. All he had to do was show his son what he was capable of, fill him with rage for his dead mother, and watch the world burn. All Jungkook knew was fire and destruction, now his son could learn as well, both of them with a bitterness in their hearts.

Jungkook let out a loud scream of anger and frustration and all of these new feelings that he didn't want that felt like they were internally ripping him apart. 

The entire park was sent up in flames, including your body.

The end was coming early for this world, it was over. He was going to destroy every last one of God's precious creations for making him feel like this.

[onceupona-chaos]

Why keep an open mind about Elain

(And why her book will slap hard)

When I was writing this one-shot right here, I read a few posts about Elain as a spy, some of them liked the idea, others didn't. Which is totally ok, if you don't, of course. I also reread a lot of scenes from the books to understand better how this could play out.

But I came across some comments about how Elain being a spy would make her "lose her characterization" or be "out of character". So I wanted to talk a little about it. This post will be discussing those comments specifically and why you should keep an open mind about Elain.

NOTE: As usual, sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language. I really hope I made myself clear. If you have any comments, I would love to hear them. Be kind!

1. Elain as a character

The first reason I don't believe that argument is because ACOSF made it clear that we know very little about Elain. So how can we say it would be something out of character for her when we barely know her as a character?

So far, we only have other characters points of view on Elain: a person who has a sweet temper. But ACOSF came to tell us that there is another side of her. Nesta expected Elain to cry because of Graysen. She didn't. Elain didn't back down from her fight with Nesta, she didn't hesitate when it came to the Trove or the Hewn City, she laughed when Nesta told her to fuck off. In every single of those moment, Elain's behavior is emphasized by one reaction of the others: surprise.

"You think I’m to blame for his death?” Challenge filled each word. Challenge—from Elain, of all people.

"Elain showed some teeth," I observed. "I wasn't expecting that."

And this is nothing new. Look at what we have in ACOFAS:

and Elain—Elain—had taken up Azriel’s dagger and killed the King of Hybern instead.

The last two books highlight that 1) we don't know everything about her and 2) we expect one behavior from her.

But most importantly: she often doesn't correspond to what it is expected of her, especially in ACOSF.

And then we have this:

With time and safety, perhaps we'll see a different side of her emerge.

But I also think we haven't yet seen all she has to offer.

And before this makes someone think Elain will not get a book because we don't have much on her character, this is exactly what books are for. To develop a character. Before ACOSF, Nesta didn't have much development either. We had seen ACOFAS lay the background for her, the same way ACOSF laid the background for Elain's story.

Elain will surprise us. Sarah is practically screaming that at this point. So before judge something as out of character, we need to have in mind that Elain will have her arc and by the end of it, she will be different, she will grow. Which leads me to:

2. In order to be developed, characters need to change

Before ACOSF came out, lots of people said Nesta would never be a warrior, especially because of this line:

And why must I train at all? I am no warrior nor do I desire to be. (ACOWAR)

And I understand. I really do. But we went from that to Nesta not only becoming a Valkyrie, but also thinking about starting a small unit of females. Yes, that line is back in ACOWAR. However, in ACOSF Gwyn and Emerie said the exactly same thing:

Gwyn gestured to Nesta's fighting leathers, the overlapping scales. "I'm not a warrior".

Emerie's face yielded nothing, as blattle-hardened as Azriel's. "I'm not interested in a warrior's training".

There's a difference between developing a character and doing something out of character.

Elain already is passing through an internal change, which means SJM is preparing her for her arc. So we have to keep in mind that Elain will pass through challenges, changes in her journey, where she will learn new lessons, abilities. She will face and deal with her traumas and flaws, because she will be developed as a character. Of course, her essence will still be there, but in order to grow, she needs to change as well.

At this point lots of things happened to her, now we will see Elain making things happen. Changes like that are inevitable, necessary, but not out of character.

Now, if Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie became warriors, why would it be so out of character for Elain to become a spy?

Personally, I think if Elain became a warrior, that could be considered out of character, because Sarah already told us that her strength comes from a different place:

Elain had always been gentle and sweet—and I had considered it a different sort of strength. A better strength. To look at the hardness of the world and choose, over and over, to love, to be kind. She had been always so full of light.

Of course, this is Feyre's Pov, but is also SJM talking about Elain's nature.

We have to understand the difference between characters' point of view and what SJM is trying to tell us. For example, Nesta in ACOSF had one perception of Elain ("she is like a dog"), but SJM emphasized Nesta's perception as not correspondent to Elain's behavior. How? Using that scene where Elain talks about Nesta's dancing. in that moment, Cassian and the readers realized Nesta's point of view was biased, non correspondent to what Elain was showing us in that scene.

I'm saying that because there's a difference between narrator and author. But this is another discussion entirely.

But I truly believe from what we have seen so far, Elain isn't the warrior type. And despite the fact that we had just read ACOSF, therefore another book about warriors training doesn't sound so appealing, from what we had seen until now, Elain's has potencial (build up) to go to another direction, one that we haven't seen yet.

3. Elain already has what it takes

I want to look at this:

I wondered if Rhys’s spymaster often got his information through stone-cold manners as much as stealth and shadow.

My sister Elain can convince anyone to do anything with a few smiles.

For the record, Feyre said this in ACOWAR and these both scenes are very close to each other.

Spying is not all about shadows and stealth. Azriel works from the shadows, but if Elain can be so lovely and convincing that anyone would do anything for her, she could be a different kind of spy. And with her Seer powers, she could be a valuable one. As much or even more than the Night Court spymaster. Look at this:

Shadowsingers are rare—coveted by courts and territories across the world for their stealth and predisposition to hear and feel things others can’t.

We know Elain can be almost as stealthy as Azriel. And she is a Seer, which means she can See and hear things others can't, too. Not to mention we already have seen that she is observant and knows how to keep a secret.

Elain pushed, “We keep it secret—we send the servants away [...] No one will know.”

“I think she’s got you beat for secret-keeping.”

Elain saw every single thing Nesta had done, and understood why.

Not only she is observant, but also knows how to read people, to understand them. Look at these scenes where Nesta said basically the same thing, but Feyre didn't understand her. Elain on the other hand...

With Feyre:

“Father would want you to—”

“Don’t you finish that sentence.” Despite the sound shield around us, there was nothing to block the view of my sister baring her teeth. The view of her fingers curling into invisible claws. A scene. This was about to become a scene in the worst way. (ACOFAS)

With Elain:

"[...] if Father were here—”

“Don’t ever mention him.” Nesta bared her teeth, but kept her voice low. "Never fucking mention him again.”

Pain slowly washed over Elain’s face. And understanding. “Is that what this is all about? Father?” Silver lined Elain’s eyes, but her voice remained steady, sure. “There was nothing that could have been done to save him, Nesta." (ACOSF)

Elain understood exactly what was going on with Nesta.

Nothing is more telling to me than this, and I highly doubt SJM didn't want to show us not only Nesta's internal issues, but how Elain can understand and read very others very easily as well.

Elain also understood when Feyre wasn't sure about buying gifts. And not get me started on Azriel's bonus chapter, where it's emphasized repeatedly that they can read and comprehend each other without necessarily saying what they meant. This shows a connection between them, yes, but also a skill.

Just imagine how valuable and rare she would be for the Night Court.

And the best part is it wouldn't be out of character, because she already presented those features. Besides, Elain can be lovely, delicate and be a bad ass spy (or whatever she wishes to, tbh) . Even better: she can use those characteristics in her favor.

Do not forget what Rhysand said: Elain is sweet and she is not afraid of get her hands dirty. We just haven't seen that yet, because SJM will show us that in her book. Simple as that.

4. Elain being a spy attends SJM's pattern

In every book (or series) so far we had a female character learning something new. Feyre learned how to control her powers (and to read), Nesta learned how to be a warrior. I think it's safe to say that Elain will learn something in order to be developed as a character.

You could argue she could learn anything, which is fair. But in ACOSF we learned that Elain can be stealthy as well. SJM emphasized it again and again, and there is no way in hell she did that just for fun. It's safe to say by now that even if she doesn't become a spy, this ability will play a role in her book.

A few examples that we all know too well by now:

Elain spoke from the doorway, having appeared so silently that they all twisted toward her, “Using me.”

"You came,” Elain said behind her, and Nesta started, not having heard her sister approach. She scanned Elain from head to toe, wondering if she’d been taking lessons in stealth either from Azriel or the two half-wraiths she called friends.

She'd leave her gift amongst his other, opened presents, subtle and unnoticed.

What is curious is that stealth is associated with Azriel, but also with Nuala and Cerridwen, Elain's friends. (Here, I highly recommend this amazing post for more on this friendship and what it means to Elain’s future).

I don't have a doubt the next book is about Elain, it will be her book. So you can't tell me the fact that her friends and love interest are spies is just a coincidence or that won't mean anything. Not when Elain herself has already started to show that she can be just as stealthy and subtle as any of them.

In this scenario, we have:

Elain learning how to be a spy with Azriel, whilst they work together to find the Trove and help each other to heal from their issues.

A female main character learning something new with the help from her love interest whilst they work together to solve a problem connected to the main plot and help each oher to heal from their issues.

I PRESENT YOU THE SJM'S PATTERN.

I know some people like or don't like this theory because that would mean Elain would have a connection to Azriel or because they don't like her becoming "similar to Azriel".

But the thing is: they already share a connection, they know each other for almost two years now and most of their interactions happened "off-screen", so they don't need her to become a spy to want to be together. They already do.

And mostly important, she wouldn't become similar to Azriel, because Elain already has the required features. We don't know much about her, but so far what we do know is: she is stealthy and a good secret keeper. She knows how to read and understand people. She can hear and see things others can't, because she is a Seer, and she can be convincing af.

Most of those were emphasized again in ACOSF concomitantly with Elain's another side. (Tell me again the next book isn't about her).

And again: a female character learning something with her love interest is SJM's pattern. We've just read a book that follows this exactly structure. Are we going to say Nesta or Feyre lost their characterization because they learned and now share the same abilities as Cassian and Rhys?

SJM already answered that for us in ACOSF:

“Does it undermine my image as a warrior to be with you?”

“No. Does it undermine Feyre’s when she’s seen with Rhys?”

This is so telling, I literally stopped my reading at this. We tend to put this passage aside because of what comes next (Cassian being very discreet and screaming he's Nesta's mate to every single soul in Velaris to hear), which is totally fair. But right there, SJM is telling us that female characters sharing abilities with their love interests is no reason to undermine them. On the contrary, in her books this is a way for them to heal togheter.

Knowing SJM, Elain being a spy along with Azriel, Nuala and Cerridwen wouldn't be nothing new. We have seen this story over and over again.

We have so much build up for this, I could go on and on and on. And before someone says this won't work because Azriel has to stay away from her, just take a second to think about how much tension we would get if they are forced to work together in order to find the Trove (or any other reason that SJM will come up with). We'll have a story full of secrets, tension, drama, angst, passion, desire, love. Things too easy don't make a good story.

But at the end, even if she does not become a spy, I just think we have many possibilities for Elain and an amazing story ahead of us. I really want people to keep an open mind about her and her book and not judge too harsh amazing possibilities as out of character. If Nesta hadn't became a warrior, we wouldn't have known the Valkyries. So maybe, when you judge a possibility like that, you are closing yourself to an amazing journey.

And also, Nesta was once judged and hated. A lot of people ended up changing their minds, which is great because she is awesome. So I think we already learned that lesson.

We will see another side of Elain emerge and she will surprise us. That's not me, that's SJM. She already told us that. Repeatedly.

All of this just to say: keep an open mind about Elain. She has what it takes and will surprise us - and I can't wait to see her becoming a badass.

[luanna801]

If we're going for a controversial character for bingo, Jack Seward seems to fit the bill! Or if someone already asked for him, Satoshi Hiwatari/Hikari maybe?

HAHAHAHA OHHHHH BOY, HERE WE GO

... Okay, but let's start off with Satoshi 'cause that'll probably be less controversial. (Also, any excuse to talk about my boy!)

"everyone but me is wrong about them" - There are very few characters where I'm LITERALLY out here like "I AM THE AUTHORITY ON THIS CHARACTER ACTUALLY, ALL OF YOU ARE WRONG." Satoshi is one of those characters.

"wasted potential" - I mean, he honestly probably was LESS wasted than some other characters in canon (Riku got SO badly effed over by canon, godammit), but that doesn't mean there wasn't still a TON of wasted potential here. I think one of the most disappointing aspects of the ending is that after spending pretty much the entire series suffering and being abused... there's never any meaningful confrontation or catharsis between him and either of his abusers? There's so much more that needed to be explored and addressed there.

"they're like a blorbo to me" - As with Dick Grayson, he's a strong contender for my #1 blorbo.

"deeper than they seem" - I should really just add this one automatically.

"I like them enough to project my own issues onto them" - this is interesting because on the face of it, I don't consider myself particularly similar to Satoshi. I guess it's more that... I connect with his character in a very personal way? And also I think that when you really love a character, there's always a certain danger of projection.

"they got done DIRTY by the fans" - So, fun story. Did I ever tell you guys that I was once so fed up with the DNAngel fandom that I made up a "Victim-Blaming and Abuse Apologism Bingo Card" with all the worst takes I'd seen? No?

... Yeah, I think that says it all.

"didn't get enough screentime" - I mean, he got a fair amount, but there's still SO MUCH MORE I WANTED TO SEE DEVELOPED AND DEALT WITH W/ HIS CHARACTER, GOSHDANGIT.

Jack Seward:

"everyone but me is wrong about them" - I have this very particular reaction to the Jack Seward Discourse where it's like, I hate seeing people say they hate him and he's evil, but I also hate seeing the people who make excuses for him about things that IMO they really shouldn't? Like NO, you are NOT allowed to say you hate him and he should be kicked out of the polycule. But NO, you also should NOT be acting like it's totally fine and non-comment-worthy that he thinks letting Renfield eat kittens is a tempting scientific prospect. Goddamn!! Get it right!!

(Necessary disclaimer that in actuality everyone can and should feel however they like about his character and there are multiple valid takes, etc. etc. But also, mine is the correct one.)

"they're deeper than they seem" - I think there's honestly ENDLESS material to explore with Jack, from the way he interacts with his patients (to both the good and bad), what he represents in terms of the development of psychology, his depression and fears about his own mental health, his low-key mad scientist tendencies (and yet the fact that he has a strong enough conscience to hold himself back from going down that path)... there's SO much there.

"I like them enough to project my own issues onto them" - I honestly relate to Jack a lot, as someone who's struggled with depression for years, and decided to go into psychology partly as a result of that struggle. That doesn't mean I'm down for his dubious psychological ethics, but there's a lot about his core struggle that resonates with me,

"they got done DIRTY by the fans" - I should note that there are also a lot of fans writing really balanced, nuanced, thoughtful posts about him. But hooooo boy, some edges of the discourse can get... interesting.

"Didn't get enough screen time" - in terms of the actual story of Dracula and the need to balance all the different characters, he probably got the correct amount of screentime. But like, I would've been happy for more! He's kind of the polar opposite of what I said about the Joker, in that I probably would happily read a spinoff about whatever shenanigans he gets up to running the asylum and joining a 12-Step Program for Staying on The Mad Scientist Wagon or whatever, even if the rest of the Dracula cast only briefly showed up in it.

[luckyasfuck]

maybe i just wanna be yours [k. bakugou]

A CAMBOY AU SERIES - PARTS 1, 2, [3], 4, 5

pairing // katsuki x female reader

tw // cussing, smut

warnings for this part // (kinda?) mutual masturbation

theme // enemies to lovers au, camboy!katsu au, college student!katsu and reader au, no quirk au

keys // y/n, l/n, h/c

words // 1.8k

a/n // pt. 4 will be written at 100 likes and posted at 5-10 reblogs :). i’m glad ya’ll are enjoying it, send criticism and/or ideas in my inbox.

previous part I masterlist

y/n’s head was no longer cloudy.

it scared her at first,  her twitter username and bio must have gave it all away. part of her hoped that katsuki wouldn’t notice the notification, and if he did, well she hopes he’d be too dumb or oblivious to know it was her. but of course, bakugou fucking katsuki wasn’t like that. y/n would know, especially when she woke up him following her back.

fucking son of a bitch.

it was very obvious that it was katsuki. from his voice during lives to his demeanor with his posts: reserved. it was a bitch to think about, no matter what y/n did it was all that occupied her mind. she was aware of the comments she had left on his last live, her other hand too busy pumping her fingers in and out of her pussy to make more than two. that’s what bothered her. not only did she get off to her rival of all people, she did it twice. twice!

she thought about it the whole morning as she reached UA. a person came from behind and bumped her shoulder, rushing to the group of people crowding the main gate. y/n knotted her eyebrows, her mind was too all over the place to know what they could have been fussing about.

the crowd completely blocked the gate and she sighed, opting to take another route until someone grabbed her arm. thinking it was a teacher or a student, she turned around with a smile.

what the fuck.

katsuki stood there gripping her arm and her heart dropped. she yanks his hand away and glared at him, goddamn if looks could kill katsuki would’ve made it to heaven right about now. she stared at him with so much intensity, it almost looked like she was gonna go crazy over the fact that he stopped her, let alone even touch her.

fuck, that’s hot. katsuki gulped and mentally slapped himself after the thought. “don’t let the teachers see you-” he whispered, looking around. y/n sighed, “too late.” she looked behind him where their Biology professor stood with a smile.

“good morning, kids! i’m glad i found you two together, which is um... quite new, don’t you think?” the old woman greeted. katsuki rolled his eyes before facing her, standing beside y/n.

the h/c-haired girl didn’t like being near him at all, he had this weird aura and she didn’t know what his intentions were at all. and him approaching her for the first time without being forced by a professor after the shenanigans of last night? way too timed to be a coincidence, though she wishes it was. 

“if you don’t know yet, our school’s competing with others schools with this little competition our school made.” the old woman got straight to the point. “the competition is that weekly for this month, a duo would take a quiz on a specific subject together. the subject changes every week and the questions get harder and harder! the 5 duos with the lowest scores are eliminated. it’s said on the board right there!” she pointed to where the students crowded.

“um, okay...? why are you telling us this then?” y/n questioned, adjusting her grip on her bag as the professor smiled again whilst katsuki breathed out a loud sigh. 

“i want you both to be the duo that represents our school!”

“miss-” katsuki started, but got cut off. “don’t you think we’re the worst duo for this? i mean,” y/n laughed sarcastically. “you know we hate each other, everyone fucking knows tha-”

“language, miss l/n.” the professor’s sternly scolded and y/n flinches a bit at the change of mood. “yes, ma’am.” the younger girl looked down on her shoes. “i think it’s a good opportunity for the two of you,” the old woman pointed to the two students. “to get along. you two are really gifted, and i don’t want our school to lose this or get humiliated just because you two have beef with each other for reasons unknown.”

y/n was sweating under her jacket and she gulped as the woman walked away, letting them know her decision was final. katsuki breathed out a deep sigh, face-palming. “what are we gonna do now? knowing that bitch, she’ll tell everyone we said yes.”

y/n didn’t bother to argue with the blonde, she knew he was right. the crowd near the gate starts to disappear and she leaves without responding to katsuki. she doesn’t know where the fuck he got the confidence to talk to her so casually. more like she wished she didn’t know.

she knew that he knew.

and he knew that she knew too. 

so simple yet so complicated.

class dragged out and y/n hasn’t spared a single glance at katsuki. she’s done this almost everyday since she met him, so it was easy to do. if only he’d stop staring into her soul, knowing she can see him in the corner of her eye. 

katsuki’s always liked to stare, though he had nothing to stare at. and now he does, even he doesn’t like how much he’s staring. he’d snap out of it, curse himself and y/n too while he’s at it, then get caught in a daze while staring at her again. 

multiple teachers approached them and individually asked them about the competition, their answers were the same the whole time, a bland “yeah, we’re competing as the duo.”

the students sat in their last class, blabbering around and not caring anymore. it was the last class, after all. they were tired and wanted to go home, but of course, they can’t. at least not yet. y/n didn’t feel like listening, she was tired too. doodling in her notebook, her heart drops when the professor calls her name. fuck, i don’t know the answe-

“oh. and mister bakugou too. i think it’s for the competition, the principal wants you two.” the old male lets out an intrigued hum. “don’t you guys hate each other?” y/n and katsuki walked out the room silently, filling the room with embarrassment on the professors side. 

the female walked on the other end of the corridor, she didn’t like katsuki at all. his mere presence makes her gag, and she knows it’s the same for him too. that’s why they opted to stay as far away from each other as possible.

the ash blonde walks into the principal’s office with y/n hot on his trail. “take a seat.” the principal said, not looking up from his paperwork. “listen, you two. i heard a lot from teachers about how you compete with each other, but the both of you are the smartest duo here. all i want is for you two to study together and pass the quizzes as best as you can. you don’t even have to get along! and your grades will be perfect A+’s for the whole month, and if you win, maybe i’ll extend to a month more.”

y/n and katsuki’s eyes widened at the offer, it was so tempting. and education always came first before pride anyway. “fine, i’ll do it.” y/n was the first to speak while katsuki just nodded his head.

“it’s settled then.”

[ timeskip ]

y/n plopped down on her bed. the two of them got sent home early and were forced to share socials with each other. they were also granted permission to use the library whenever they wanted, and were given the schedule to study together from their last two classes until whenever they liked. and before going their separate ways, she told katsuki to text her a plan if he had one.

her phone dings and she automatically assumed it was him. and it was. just... a little more lewd. definitely not what she was expecting.

y/n cussed, “since when the fuck did i let this stupid fucking site give me notifications?” katsuki’s heavy breathing and occasional grunts boomed through her speaker and she hurried to click off it, until her eyes landed on his cock.

from what seemed like it, he had already cum once, the white liquid dripping from his slit down his lenght. y/n can’t seem to tear her eyes from the way he stroked his cock, so gentle yet so rushed, so... satisfying.

she shakes her head and kicks herself out of her absurd train of thoughts, thumb hovering over the ‘X’ on the top left of the site. “have you joined the live, pretty face?” she flinches when she heard his raspy voice, thighs unconciously rubbing together and panties already soaked. 

“i hope you have, fuck. been thinking about you all day, mhmm~ why don’t you drop your little comments for me?” she could practically hear the smirk in his words, and it irritated her. but fuck, if he wasn’t so attractive. his perfectly sculpted body, his voice, and that pretty cock. it was that fucking cock.

“are you touching yourself, pretty face? you better. this live’s all for you.” katsuki moaned out, stroking himself faster. y/n watched as the chat went crazy, all of them confessing their sins to him like he was some sort of God.

and maybe he was, cause she found herself running a finger through her wet folds as she watched the camboy play with his tip. she shoves a finger inside, moaning with him before moving in and out parallel to his strokes. 

katsuki comes again, his strokes coming to a half. he pants before smirking, “pretty face, lookie here.” he shows a fleshlight to the camera, his tip prodding at the toys entrance. y/n slowly adds another finger as he sunk the toy down onto his cock, both of them moaning.

they both fuck themselves into oblivion while thinking of each other, katsuki’s hips violently fucking into the toy as he hissed, “fuck, i bet your pussy feels a lot better.” y/n felt her cunt clench around her finger at the statement as she started to rub her clit as well. 

she orgasms a little bit before katsuki shot his load into the toy, both their movements halting as they tried to catch their breath. she types in a comment before finally exiting the site, feeling slightly disgusted of what she just did. she shudders and opts on taking a shower before napping.

“you dirty little thing.”

katsuki felt his cock twitch at y/n’s comment. he ended the live right after, knowing she probably left already. the notifications for money he hoarded sat heavy on his account and he smiled, cleaning himself up after. the image of her with her legs open, her fingers buried deep in her cunt and her moaning uncontrollably was all that filled katsuki’s brain.

and he fucking hates it. he hates how much power the desires of his cock had over him when he was horny.

and the only desire his cock had was her.

next part I masterlist

taglist:

@princesspeach-00 @tamakisropebunny @bakugous-mamas @ll379333 @j1-914 @gazelle-des-pres @trashpandainahat @dickinson-67 @victoriaestein @amelie-chan @your-worst-obsession [ cannot tag last two ]

[bokunosimpfiction]

Kidnapped Yandere!Heisenberg x Reader Pt.5

Summary: You feel emotions other than rage and sarcasm oh my god 

A/N: The reason I took a break from this series was because I had no idea where to take it from that cliff hanger, and I felt that character development needed to be done before we dive head first into the plot. This is part of that, but keep in mind it’s not filler like Chapter 2 became. I think it’s funny that this was SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKING ONE SHOT BUT APPARENTLY FUCKING NOT. I’ll be posting another chapter for this series soon. Also feel free to send me asks about this series. I’ve been getting comments on my ao3 that are a) genius b)hilarious and c)heartwarming. Talk to me. Please! Ask and anon should be open right now let me know if they aren’t!

Masterlist link for previous parts:

Link to this chapter on AO3:

Taglist: @localdepressedvampire​ and one person recieving updates via email

The fresh cold late-autumn air made your lungs sting. And the layers of clothes didn’t help fight the chill you didn’t know you were facing. Has it been that long since you’ve been outside, to see the sun? You stick your arms in your armpits under your outercoat. Well, Heisenberg’s spare trench coat. It was much too big, the cuffs of the sleeves going well past your fingertips and the bottom half an inch from the ground.

You were so used to the fluorescent lighting and the warm dry air of the factory, that your body went into some type of culture shock. It felt like an allergic reaction to the outside world itself. Adjusting to it once you escaped would be hard.

“You’ve clearly become less fit since you started living with me,” Karl says in a matter-of-fact tone. You��d be insulted if you didn’t hear him say weird stuff about the other lords or the occasional brain-washed villager who brought up offerings. One had sewed you a wool and fox-fur dress and brought it up in September, in preparation for the winter. He’d thought it dumb at the time, but it protected you from the November chill better than anything you’ve ever worn.

Did they think you were a woman? Whether they were right or wrong, it didn’t change the fact that it was comfortable, warm, and made you feel better than the clothes you’d been wearing before in the factory or even before. You felt safe.

“Of course, I have, I’ve been sitting on my ass,” you retort.

“Still see that sass is intact.”

“It’s something that’ll never leave me.”

“You’d make a terrible house-spouse.”

“That’s the point,” you sigh hard, and you can see the cold air in front of your face, “I had a whole ass college degree before I came here and got my ass kidnapped.”

Karl whips around and looks at you, tilting his head down to peer at you from above his glasses. “You have a college degree?”

“Why are you surprised? Did you think I was that stupid?” Even if the question is sarcastic and witty, you felt a pang of hurt reverberate in your heart. Did he really think you were that stupid? Apparently so.

“I have two masters. One in aerospace engineering and one in mechanical engineering. Double majored in those fields for my bachelors at Oxford on a full-ride scholarship of robotic engineering.”

His mouth drops open. “And I didn’t know about this because?”

“It never came up.”

He pinches his nose, “you could have been helping me this whole time in the shop, and I let you sit on your ass and play care-taker.”

“More like forced me.” At this point, you’ve stopped walking, and you’d be able to see the manor of Benviento if it weren’t for the fog.

“Besides the point.” He looks stressed. His eyebrows are furrowed, a deep frown is on his face and his whole disposition makes him look genuinely conflicted and upset. “Let’s just go.” He gestures for you to follow him and stomps up the path.

You follow him, trying not to slip in the mud. Converse doesn’t have great traction, you realized. Maybe you should have worn hiking boots. “Listen, dirty Dr. Doofenschmirtz-“

“I don’t want to listen to your dumb nick-names right now.”

You stop again, and your fists ball up at your side around the fabric of the sleeves of his coat. Your coat. The coat you’re wearing.

“Why the hell are you so mad at me!” It’s not a question. It’s an exclamation of emotion. For some reason, it hurts. Even if you despised him, hated him with all your being, having someone love you unconditionally felt nice. He was toxic at best, sociopathic at worst, and yet he loved you so strongly it tore the both of you so part. To feel that admiration has gone missing, even if for a second, sent you reeling. You can’t explain why you softened towards him.

“I’m not.” He keeps walking before he realized you stopped. He turned around to look at you. “I’m not mad at you. I’m just…” He looks for the words. He’d never been good at expressing himself, you realized. Better through actions than words. But you didn’t want him to act on whatever he was feeling.

You wait in silence, eye-watering, trying not to cry.

He sees and rushes over to you. His left arm wraps around you and his right hand gently grabs your chin, his index finger underneath to lift your chin up to look at him. “Don’t cry, you know I hate it when you cry.”

You struggle to take a deep breath, choke on it, and the world feels so much more dangerous. A million malicious eyes gazing into your soul, whispers of panic fill your brain, and flashing thoughts of running right now, of hurting him or you flash through like lightning in a foggy storm. Every damn thing feels hazy and thick and you’re choking on the lump in your throat. “I don’t want to. I don’t want you to be mad at me, I don’t want-“

“Take a deep goddamn breath.” You feel his tobacco-scented breath on your face. You can see panic flash through his eyes for a moment. You hate the smell, and it suffocates you even more. “You need to breath.”

You swallow around the lump in your throat, and your breath shakes like a wasp nest about to fall from the highest branch. “Why are you mad at me?” This time you genuinely ask. You don’t want a reason, but rather a reassurance that he isn’t at all.

His lips form into a snarl that doesn’t come out before he presses them in a tight line. As he thinks. It makes you even more nervous. “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at the fact that I had an opportunity that went to waste.”

You look up at him. “Okay.”

He wraps his other arm around you and places his chin on your forehead. “Let me know when you’ve calmed down.”

You rest your forehead on his shoulder and breathe.

In. Out.

In.          Out.

In. OUT.

In… out

In.

Out.

 In.

 … out.

“Do you feel any better?”

You wait a moment. “Yeah, I think so.” You ponder for a moment. “I think I had a lot of pent-up anxiety from everything.”

He stays quiet. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

He places a kiss on the crown of your head, his beard ruffling your hair. “Are you not going to forgive me?”

You take a deep breath. “I don’t know yet. It’s…” How do I phrase this? “I worked hard for this anger. This anger to love me, to know I didn’t deserve this, to be kidnapped, to have my head ready to be mounted on a stick.” You continue, “if I stop feeling angry, if I forgive you, I’m afraid I’m losing that. That’s why I tried to escape because I loved myself, I wanted better for myself.”

“Was I… Was I not providing enough for you?” His question strikes you like an arrow.

“I-“ You stumble on you’re thoughts for a moment. “It’s less of you not doing enough, but more of the rough foot we started on.” You sniffle. “When I gave up, I felt like I lost a part of myself, all that I worked for. That degree included. I felt all my efforts, all my struggles that I faced outside this goddamn village had gone to waste. That it wasn’t worth it. That I wasn’t worth it.”

You had promised yourself to keep him at arm’s length, to not give him clues to manipulate you. But you poured your heart out into his. You felt him shake and squeeze you tighter.

“Never. Ever. Feel like you aren’t worth it.” You feel something wet on your scalp. “You deserved better than each challenge that you faced, and each bit of hurt you felt along the way.” It’s his turn to choke on his words. He takes a shaky breath above you, and you can feel his heart pound faster. “You, darling, are worth everything.”

Something small inside you breaks. He’s just as human as you are, you realize. In this desperate attempt to escape, to fuel this hatred that’s worn you down, you’ve villainized a man that’s felt even more pain than you. A broken man, who thinks you’re the glue to put him back together. You shouldn’t feel any obligation to, but you do, because you’ve felt a fraction of the pain he’s felt, that he’s currently feeling, and it’s made your mind and bones ache far after the situation ended.

“And so are you, Karl.”

He unwraps his arms from around you. “Come one butter-cup, let’s go. Ugly-ass-psycho-doll is waiting for you. Says she wants you for a fitting and some tea party with her demented child, Angie.”

“Angie? Who’s she.”

“Well, you’re about to find out.”

[milfnearyou]

                𝐨𝐡 𝐬𝐞𝐡𝐮𝐧: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥.

 “𝐡𝐞’𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐞’𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭, 𝐢𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮.”

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 2.4K | 𝐎𝐇 𝐒𝐄𝐇𝐔𝐍 𝐗 𝐅𝐄𝐌!𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: ANGST. CHEATING. BETRAYAL. SUGGESTIVE. THATS PRETTY MUCH IT THIS TIME AROUND. NGL THIS ISN’T MY BEST WORK AND IS A SHORT ONE SHOT, SORRY! CLICK HEADER FOR HIGHER RESOLUTION BC TUMBLR IS STUPID.

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

“So you just woke up one day and decided you loved me?!” 

Your voice was painfully shrill, bouncing against the metal walls and echoing through the elevator shaft. If you hadn't been so furious, you would've cringed at the way you sounded. Considering your behaviour to be completely out of character and rather petty. But it was impossible to think straight. With all the sirens in your mind screaming 'Alert!' causing you to grow defensive. You saw everything as red, wrapped in a series of warning signs. Eager to protect yourself you grew aggressive, fury coursing through your veins and laced with disgust. 

The disbelief was evident in your tone, accompanied by the extremely annoyed look plastered on your face. Your eyebrows were contorted together, lightly creasing your forehead as you anxiously chewed on your bottom lip. Your hands were balled into tight fists trembling at your sides as you fought the urge to beat the living crap out of him. 

"Fucking answer me Sehun!" You exclaim, throwing your hands in the air. You didn't understand him, not taking any of his bullshit words seriously as a result. Had he been telling the truth, had he truly meant every word he said. Sehun wouldn't have just stood there in front of you with nothing to say. The silence he offered simply adding more fuel to the fire that raged inside of you. 

"So now you're silent? You weren't this fucking quiet back when you were professing your so-called love to me?! What's gotten into you now?"

Again, nothing but silence. The tall man simply stands there in front of you with his hands shoved into the pockets of his pants as the elevator continues to rise higher and higher. With every floor, the elevator cabinet passed, the angrier you got and it didn't help that you lived in a high rise apartment. If he continued to act this way you'd be fuming, steam emitting from your body by the time you'd reach your floor.

“Do you even know what it means to love someone? Or do you just throw yourself in any direction that proves beneficial to your selfish well being?” The questions flew past your lips one after another. You weren’t going to hold back either. Pushing yourself towards him, forcing him to explain himself. 

You didn't deserve the silence. You deserved proper answers, ones that were absent from the immature man in front of you. 

"Answer me right now or I swear to god I'm cutting you off forever," Warning him, you take a step forward to face him closer. Invading his personal space as you stare at him, craning your neck upwards with your arms crossed. 

Watching him like a hawk, you attentively wait. Noticing how he seems to take a slight step back, his broad chest heaving up and down slowly. He seems to be nervous or perhaps, flustered? It was hard for you to believe that with all the ways he could've handled the situation this was what he opted for.

Step by step, you get closer and closer towards Sehun until he's got his back pressed against the metal walls of the elevator. It was hard to believe that someone who looked dominant most of the time could be so cowardly. 

"I'm not asking again," You state, pressing your index finger roughly against his chest. Physically pushing him around until he's finally had enough. His large hands pressing against your shoulders as he shoves you back, regaining his confidence. Finally, he refutes, silence no longer being an option for him.

“Fuck off! Do you want an answer? Fine, but you don't have to act like such an invasive bitch about things!" 

Stunned your eyes widen. You can't tell if you should be offended or impressed with just how much you pushed him but you let him speak. Not saying anything even though he had just called you a bitch. 

"No, I didn’t just wake up one morning and decide that I’d fall in love with you! It took me countless days and nights, essentially adding up into months of thinking about nothing except you! Do you know how painful it felt for me? Do you not understand how guilty I felt?!” The tone in his voice is dangerously low as he narrows his eyes at you. It's his turn to match your attitude, fixing his posture and standing tall. 

"Oh really? So you only thought about how you felt and not how I would feel knowing about your feelings for me? Sehun, how selfish can you be? You aren't the only person on this godforsaken planet!" 

"You don't think I knew that? I know you wouldn't be happy with this but you have to understand that had I kept everything to myself and continued to hang out around you; it would've been both disrespectful to you but also incredibly torturous to me. It was worth gambling my feelings and confessing with the consequence of potentially losing a friend instead of hiding it."  

Taken aback, you feel yourself pause and you hate yourself for it. Sehun has a point, he's valid for being upfront about things but there was just one thing that didn't sit right with you. Despite wanting an answer and getting it you curse yourself for falling silent. The hypocrisy of your silence hitting you square in the face but you're not done. You still have one more thing to say.

"What about the fact that you're still dating my best friend? Did you think about how much this would hurt her? No, let me guess, I bet you haven't even mentioned anything to her," Bringing your best friend up seemed to be the major thing standing in between both of you.

Sehun stares at you like he's been frozen in time. His features completely poised and monotone as your eyes scan his face for any sign of emotion. It was still much too hard to accept his words, to trust them and understand that it came from the bottom of his heart. Your anger was now replaced with complete confusion, perhaps even denial as you scoff at him. He was crazy to think you'd ditch your best friend for a man like him.

Sehun only stood there with his shoulders pushed back, his posture relaxed. His orange tufts of hair making him look like a complete clown. His current demeanour was very different in comparison to how defensive he was earlier.

How could he be so hot and cold? None of it made sense with his face being completely unreadable, everything felt bland like a black and white movie. Sehun could scream as much as he wanted but his words would never get through, bouncing behind the screen, staying unheard from the crowd. All these things made it impossible to find the sincerity he had in his words represented in his body language. 

The elevator came to a stop with a rather loud ding notifying you that it had arrived on your floor. You take one last look at Sehun battling with yourself on whether or not someone as selfish as him was worth entangling yourself with. But no matter how you thought of it you couldn't accept him. With Sehun came consequences, ones that you weren't willing to risk getting into and that being losing your best friend. Someone who was there for you through thick and thin could never be replaced with a man you'd only known for roughly a year.

He didn't mean anything to you and he wasn't allowed to have any meaning in your life, it just wasn't okay. Betrayal had a greater impact than love, you would be foolish to accept the latter. 

Leaving him behind, you step outside of the elevator. Realizing just how much more breathable the air outside the shaft was in comparison to being back inside holed up with your worst nightmare. Your moment of freedom is cut short when you feel his lean arms wrap around your waist pulling you back inside.

He's clinging onto you like a child refusing to let go as he rests his head next to your shoulder. His hot breath brushing against your neck, making you uncomfortable for many reasons that were quite obvious. He just wasn't single nor available and you couldn't let yourself be the other girl. 

“Please just—take a chance. I'm willing to cross oceans for you, tear apart anything that stands in my way because I love you. I'll break up with her, she's nothing like you. Why can't you see that I love you?” He rambles, his voice falling soft. Sehun sounds like he's about to fall apart as he speaks into the crook of your neck. 

His voice vibrating against your skin, echoing through your mind. Despite his tone being no louder than a whisper, his message came loud and clear. Slowly his plump, soft lips make contact with your skin as you freeze in place watching as the elevator doors slam shut. Moving downwards again you feel like you're slowly descending to hell. 

His actions gave you goosebumps as he peppered kisses against your neck. Using one hand to grasp your waist, holding you close to him. While the other cupped your cheek, tilting your head slightly so he could gain better access to your body, his kisses moving down south and landing onto your shoulder. Pushing your shirt slightly aside before gently biting down on your skin causing you to gasp. 

Sehun's touch was electrifying and almost hypnotizing, you felt yourself growing dizzy and out of touch with your surrounding. As he continued using his lips to convey how much you meant to him against your screaming mind that yelled at you not to do this to your best friend. But like a fool, you melt into his touch. Lips falling apart, as your chest heaves up and down. The air feels intoxicating as he rotates your head towards him. His lips crashing against yours as you feel like you're about to pass out. 

You can't give in, you can't betray your best friend and yet, you feel yourself kissing him back. Your tongue tangling with his, exchanging dirty, secretive kisses. Turning around to face him better you fall into all the places you knew weren't right and that was right into the arms of Sehun's. Intertwining your fingers with his, holding onto him tightly as if the only chance you'd have with him would be taken away. 

Now you knew what it meant to be selfish and just how delicious it tasted. 

The elevator is filled with the lewd, smacking of the shared kisses between you both. His body grinding into yours as you feel yourself growing heavy. Developing a strong heartbeat where your filthy desires lay. You felt yourself growing wet, shifting your thighs uncomfortably together. Feeling his hand snake down towards the waistline of your skirt, tugging on them. 

"You just have to say the word and I'm dropping everything and everyone for you," He says in between kisses as you tilt your head back in pleasure when you feel his fingers slipping past your skirt. Hovering dangerously over your soaked heat. "Do you want to run away with me?" He asks. 

You want to say yes. Your body having a mind of its own would rather speak for you but you just can't bring yourself to go through with it. The image of your best friend is hung up in your mind and even though the damage has already been done, you still don't think it's too late to stop. 

“I can’t and you know I won’t,” You reply, wincing at how your voice cracks. You didn’t want to seem weak in front of him, you needed to show him you had control over how you felt. That you were sure you didn't want him but it was all a lie. A lie you told yourself and in return had the truth spoken out loud by the actions of your body. 

Sehun knew of this and yet, his peppered kisses come to a halt. The grip he's got around you loosening as his hand slips out of your skirt. You step out of his grasp feeling ashamed, not daring to look at him. Turning around and staring at the doors instead. Fixing your shirt you crane your neck from side to side trying your best to calm down. Bringing a shaky hand towards the elevator buttons and clicking for your floor. 

You can feel Sehun's gaze boring holes into the back of your head. 

"I don't understand. Why can't you just let me love you? It's not that hard to just give me a shot. I can give you the world, give you all the happiness and security you need in life."

"--Let me be the man that protects you, that cherishes you. I know it's hard because of her but...don't we deserve to be happy?" He pleads, his voice wavering. If you had turned around to face him you'd see his lips quivering. His dark, brown eyes are glossy with tears threatening to escape from the tiny apertures of his tear ducts. 

But currently, it's your turn to fall silent. All because you know that despite him falling at the seams, begging you to love him you know that he'll only go back to being the same once he's got you twirling around his dainty fingers. His norm being the same silent person as always, emotionally unavailable and confusing as always. Plus, who's to say he won't just ditch you like he's doing to your best friend? 

"It's your turn to answer me," He pleads but you ignore him. Thanking the timing of the elevator for opening right at the end of his sentence. 

Quickly stepping off you pray that he doesn't snake himself around you again because if he does, you don't know if you had the power inside to fight him off again and thankfully he doesn't. Sehun leaves you alone watching you get out of his view, the sound of your Chelsea boots clicking against the hallway floors until suddenly you're just gone. A wave of heartbreak washing over his feelings as he realizes that he just can't sit here and do nothing. 

He won't go back to your best friend, he doesn't love her and in fact, he never did. It wasn't his choice to hurt her like this but he couldn't help but fall in love with the wrong person. So he chases you, chases the love of his life eager to satisfy his selfishness and have you by his side. 

The consequence of dealing with your best friend could come later but first, he needed to convince you once and for all that he was the only good thing in his life. Your best friend was to be replaced. 

   𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃: 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐅𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐔©︎

[juniorgman187]

Never Enough (Spencer Reid Drabble)

Summary: Ever wondered what Garcia wrote on that sticky note in the series finale? Read here to find out. When Reader, the new technical analyst, feels out of place at a party, Penelope’s sticky note and Reid’s kind words do just the trick.

A/N: This is a comfort piece for me, someone very introverted who never seems to do well in social gatherings. So this is dedicated to anyone who’s ever felt like they didn’t belong. You are loved. Couple: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Category: Fluff, Drabble Content Warning: Fear of exclusion, loneliness Word Count: 2.4k

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

All my life, all I’d ever wanted was to be a social butterfly. Their lives seemed so easy. People would naturally flock to them, what with their charisma, their confidence, their natural gift of being conversational.

I envied them for the sole reason that I was nothing like them, not in the slightest.

It wasn’t easy for me to keep a conversation going, even if I was trying my very hardest, which was often the case. I could never seem to commandeer the room in the way that someone extroverted could, and it was especially hard sometimes to feel a part of everyone.

It would be too easy to say I was invisible. Instead, I felt painfully visible, and entirely ignored.

Everyone could see my shyness peeking through, everyone could see how alienated I’d become, everyone could see my despondence, and yet no one bothered to change it.

No one cared.

My excruciating awkwardness had reached an all-time high at Krystall’s birthday party.

Agent Rossi was so keen on inviting me, and I was honored to go since it’d be my first bonding experience with the team outside of work. I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to grow closer to them, otherwise, I’d run the risk of isolating myself even more. As if being brought in as the BAU’s new technical analyst to replace Penelope Garcia wasn’t enough of a reason for them to doubt, despise, and disrespect me, I was the introvert who had a hard time making friends - unlike my predecessor, who’ve I heard could make friends like nobody’s business. I knew I could never fill her shoes, much less fill the glaring void she created when she left, but still, I maintained my bright-eyes in hopes that I’d be enough for them, anyway. I was all too eager to get to know everyone as more than just my coworkers, with one exception.

Dr. Reid maintained an arm’s length distance from me at all times, and at first, I understood. I even empathized with him.

Besides SSA Morgan and SSA Hotchner, the only other person that he’d work the longest with was Penelope, and now she was gone, too, but the longer his rejection of me lasted, the more I was curious what he truly had against me, and the more I was less interested in changing that. Why would I work tirelessly at mending this broken friendship, if he wasn’t willing to meet me halfway?

I was more shocked that he, of all people, would be the most displeased with my arrival. When Agent Rossi replaced Agent Gideon, from what I heard, the transition wasn’t as rocky as mine. Dr. Reid was overjoyed to be working with him and to discuss all his books. When Jordan Todd, and eventually Ashley Seaver, took Agent Jareau’s place momentarily, he was happy to be working with them. When Alex Blake and Kate Callahan came in after Emily Prentiss, he welcomed them with open arms. So what was it about me that was so abhorrent to him?

I never outright asked, mainly because I feared confrontation and I also had no way of knowing if my curiosity would make the situation worse or better. But I should’ve. I should’ve marched right up to him and asked, “What’s your problem?”

Somehow, though, I finally got up the courage to do so tonight.

I watched as the team laughed at one of Rossi’s anecdotes, meanwhile, the inside jokes flew over my head, hindering that bonding experience I was so sure I’d get by coming here. So I stepped inside the house, wandering into a spare room, knowing I wouldn’t be missed.

I thought I’d only be there for a moment to get some “fresh air” even though I’d actually migrated from the outside to the inside, where there’d arguably be less fresh air, but that’d be my excuse if anyone came in. But I was forced to stay longer in the office when it finally happened.

I finally reached my breaking point.

It was building up all night. It started when I first stepped into the house. My confidence faltered almost immediately when I accidentally stepped on Rossi’s Italian leather dress shoe as I went to greet him. He told me not to worry, but of course, I did just the opposite. It was a minor bump in the road, something so minute, but still, it weighed on me thinking about how embarrassing it was that I dirtied something of his that everyone recognized as valuable.

My shame didn’t stop there. As I was talking with Krystall, there were many periods of awkward silence that I couldn’t manage to fill with words, so we each sipped at our wine until one of us would try to pick up the conversation. What’s worse was that we each knew the silence was suffocating, and I could tell we were both thinking of things to say to keep the conversation going, and yet, nothing worth saying came to mind.

And worst of all was when Penelope Garcia finally arrived at the party. Don’t misunderstand me - it wasn’t the worst part of all because she was bad - no, she was lovely. She gave me a welcome present - a Beanie Baby to put on my desk, evocative of her own style of decor, and I loved her for it, which made me hate her all the more.

Rossi’s house livened up when she came. Everyone flocked to greet her, laughter erupted and ricocheted off Rossi’s high ceilings. They were positively elated by her presence, truly happy. Which was the first time I’d ever seen them that way because frankly, they were never that happy with me.

It was a painful reminder that I could never bring what she brought to the team, and I could never be as good as her. And the general consensus I reached, sitting in Rossi’s office all alone with my glass of wine, was the same one I’d known for years now - I’m not enough.

And I will never be enough.

I hadn’t realized I was crying until a tear cascaded down my cheek, dripping right under my nose, forcing me to audibly sniffle it away. Using the sleeve of my cardigan, I desperately tried to wipe away the tears faster than they were spilling out, but it just wasn’t possible. In fact, the coarse fabric of my cardigan rubbing against my cheeks only made them redder, making the fact that I was unwell that much more obvious.

The sound of the doorknob turning sent me into overdrive, automatically engaging me into turning around and facing the wall so that whoever was coming in wouldn’t find me in the state that I was in. I sniffled a great big sniffle and fanned my face to dry it of any moisture that my silent sobs could’ve left.

“Sorry, Rossi, I was just getting some fresh air and I thought I’d check out your book collectio-”

When I turned around, Rossi wasn’t standing there as I’d assumed.

In fact, the person standing there was the last person I thought it’d be.

“Dr. Reid?”

He was lingering in the doorway, studying my face, to which I instantly preventing from continuing on any further by cowering my head and looking away.

“What are you doing here?” My voice had taken a tone of anger that I didn’t anticipate to be there originally.

“Are you okay?”

To my surprise, his question seemed sincere, but I couldn’t truly believe it was.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just allergies from being outside for so long. The pollen and stuff, you know?” I rambled nervously.

“Oh, really? Are you allergic to the grass?” He asked in a joking manner, knowing I was lying but still asking so that he’d have the satisfaction of getting to see me try and work my way out of the situation.

“Yes, I am actually. The most common outdoor allergy triggers are trees, grass, weed pollen, mold spores, dust mites, cockroaches, and cat, dog, and rodent dander. Don’t you know this? After all, you’re the one with the IQ of 187 here, not me.” I tried to joke to lighten up the room’s heaviness, but clearly, it didn’t work.

By this time, I’d already turned back to face the wall, so Reid surely couldn’t see me, but I heard the door click shut behind me, and a wave of anxiety permeated my soul.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”

I scoffed at his question, almost hitting him back with an “As if you care.” But I decided against it in an effort to preserve what little repose we had left between us.

“Will you please tell me what’s wrong?” He sounded like he was begging - like he was practically willing to go on his hands and knees to get me to answer, but all I could focus on was the feeling of his hot breath ghosting over my neck.

Goosebumps rose on my skins once he put his warm hand on my cold shoulder, which was bare from the absence of my cardigan and where it had slipped down to my elbow.

I flinched at the sensation, causing him to recoil.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” He quickly apologized, regret filling his eyes. “Um, you look nice by the way. I like the way you did your hair. A-and your dress. It looks nice.”

Not even giving a chance to respond to his compliment, I asked again, “Why are you here?” Pressing him to get the point faster before I had a chance to react at another one of his physical advances.

“I saw you leave the backyard and I thought I should check on you.”

“Well, you’ve checked on me, so you can go back now.” I didn’t miss a beat when responding, fooling him into thinking that I didn’t catch his words and their intentions.

“I just want to talk.” He replied, finally answering my question from before.

“Okay. Let’s talk.”

He took a seat on a chaise lounge sofa while I stayed standing by the bookcase in preparation for a quick escape if need be.

“I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you away. That wasn’t fair of me.”

Although I hadn’t expected him to apologize, I wasn’t going to be misled and naively accept his apology with no reservations.

“Why did you do it? And for so long?”

“I was angry. I didn’t want another person in my life that I cared about to walk away, so I thought maybe if I made you feel unwelcome, you wouldn’t want to stay. And she’d come back.”

It hurt to say, but at least I knew he was being honest.

“I accept your apology, but it’s not okay.”

“I know that.”

“Okay, are we good now? We’ve talked, so,” My hand gestured toward the door, suggesting he should leave, but he didn’t comply.

“I’m not leaving.”

“And why not?” The wine glass in my hand nearly shattered at the way my hand wrapped around it since its presence hindered me from being able to actually clench my fists.

“I didn’t come here to apologize, even though I should’ve sooner. But I came here because I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Like you care.” I chuckled mirthlessly.

“I do care.”

I gave in, not wanting to fight him any longer, otherwise, I might cry some more from the altercation.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” He shook his head. “I know you’re not fine. What’s really wrong, Y/N?”

I looked away immediately from his gaze, trying to hide the sheen that was inevitably coating my eyes from the presence of tears, but he would’ve known I was crying the minute I used the cuff of my cardigan to wipe under my nose again.

“I just . . . I feel so unconnected,” I whispered, the pain of my words stealing my volume. “I don’t fit in. And I’ve never fit in before, but I actually thought this might be my chance.”

“It still is. Just come back outside.”

“You don’t get it!”

“What don’t I get?”

“I just needed to take a moment to compose myself so I wouldn’t ruin the energy of the room. And I’d really like to do that alone, okay?”

“I know you don’t want me to go.”

“What?”

“You’re testing me to see if I’ll stay.”

“No, I’m not.”

“So you’re saying that if I left right now, you wouldn’t regret letting me walk away?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“I know you’re lying to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Yes, you are. I know what it looks like when you lie. Wanna know how I know?”

I entertained his question out of pure frustration “How?”

“Because I pay attention to you. I see your mannerisms. I notice everything. Do you think I haven’t picked up on how you crack your knuckles when you’re nervous? Or how your stutter goes away when you talk about technology? Or how your fists clench, like how you’re doing right now?”

My eyes flickered to my fist that was wrapped so tightly around the glass, my knuckles were white. Out of shame, I loosened my grip.

“I pay attention because I care. And I’m sorry that I made you ever believe that I didn’t. What you do, and say, and think - it’s important. So no, I’m not leaving. I’m staying right here to give you the attention you deserve.” He sighed with a breath of relief. “I care more about you than whatever’s happening out there.”

And slowly, then all at once, that barrier between us broke down.

“I care about you. We all do. And when you’re ready, we can walk back out there together so that you can see for yourself just how much we care.”

. . . That night, I made nine more friends.

And the day we came back to work, with my Beanie Baby in hand, I rearranged my desk.

A folded up sticky note fell out from between two tables. I picked it up, recognizing the handwriting instantly.

Penelope Garcia.

Even when the laughter always seems to come from the other room and the world seems busy as it carries on without you, may you know this to be true. No matter who or what made you feel invisible, unworthy, unloved, or unseen, in this ever-moving world, there is still a place for you. And you are exactly in the place where you are meant to be.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

quote by morgan harper nichols

[ateezmakemeweep]

you’re the one that i want (part 23)

word count: 7k

angst, fluff, smut

(part 22) (series masterlist)

“i’ll fight ‘em, i don’t care.” 

“shut the fuck up, you won’t fight shit.” 

“oh no? watch this.”

you bite back a smile hearing a groan leave hongjoong’s mouth, jongho’s fist connecting with his stomach before the two boys promptly start to beat each other up and bicker back and forth. 

you hadn’t meant to let it slip that you had a...bumpy start to your relationship with the boys from school; but you’d gone in just a little bit of detail about your first day, the way you’d actually bumped into wooyoung earlier that morning before becoming well acquainted with crying in the bathroom after you had talked to them for all of five minutes. 

but hearing how the three boys didn’t welcome you with open arms made them all the more wary of them, still giving seonghwa shit two months later after he confessed the (multiple) errors of his ways at school - including letting his friends treat you like that.

they never really knew if seonghwa was different around his other friends but quickly came to the decision that they didn’t care - they would call him out and harass the shit out of him until he stopped if he dared do it in their presence this week.

but something tells them that’s not the case anymore, watching as the dirty blonde walks into your aunt’s backyard heading straight for you. 

they see a smile light up your face when his arms wrap around you from behind, his lips pressing down on your shoulder as he mumbles what they can only assume is his signature “hi, baby.”

the affection between you both was something that noticeably grew more and more these past few months, done in such a way that it doesn’t even creep them out that much. they can see it’s done from a place of just utter adoration, sweet and pure, solely for the fact that you’re finally with one another. 

but they still have to give you guys a little shit despite how much they like seeing seonghwa happy and in touch with his emotions; so they let out mock annoyed groans and beg you guys to get a room, seonghwa rolling his eyes before looking over jongho cautiously. 

“still planning on fighting them?”

“of course he is,” hongjoong drones sarcastically as the youngest boy nods his head eagerly, insisting that they deserve it and he’s more than capable, so who is he to not put some mean high school boys in their place? who is he to not defend your honor and-

“good. because they’ll be here in about two minutes.”

and it’s at that jongho’s eyes widen and lips jut out questioningly, carefully looking out the white gate of the backyard. you snap your head back and turn in seonghwa’s hold, eyes lighting up in excitement because you haven’t seen san in two whole days. 

“really?” you squeal excitedly, seonghwa’s eyes narrowing before he tightens his arms around your waist.

“really,” he confirms lowly, fighting the smile trying to make it’s way on his face. “but you weren’t that excited to see me just five seconds ago.”

“i see you every day,” you point out, cocking your head to the side teasingly before rolling your tongue over your lips. “and we have....things to talk about.”

and it’s at that seonghwa’s eyebrow quirks up, about to ask what things those are when yunho’s voice rings through the backyard. you snap your head over to look at him and smile, holding up two fingers to the boy who immediately blushes and swats you away with his hand. 

your boyfriend lets out a quiet groan and whines your name lowly, your eyes moving back to him and feigning a look of innocence. 

“what?” you squeak, smiling up at him when he just continues to stare at you blankly, almost chastisingly. “we didn’t do anything.”

“i didn’t say you did,” he counters quietly, taking your jaw in his hand and squeezing your cheeks ever so slightly. “so that’s how i know you and san are plotting something.”

and you have to give him credit where it’s due - he might know you both just a little too well. 

but how could you and san resist in playing matchmaker? especially after you off-handedly mentioned seonghwa’s friend yunho had been complaining to you about his lack of a love life.

“it’s so sad, y/n, like...i’m not looking for anything serious right away but i miss having someone. even just to talk to at the end of the day.”

because he hadn’t had someone like that since last winter, what was supposed to be a one-week stay at a ski lodge turning into a whole month due to severe weather conditions and multiple cancelled flights.

he told you over a bonfire one night about someone he’d met there, how they just clicked right away and he never had a connection with anyone like that before. it had felt as if they knew each other for years and not just four short weeks, becoming closer and closer every day while forming a bond that was like no other.

“we had only been friends and, i don’t know, maybe it was only me but it kind of felt like something more,” yunho said, a sad, distant look in his eye you’re not at all familiar with in the boy. “i even gave them my number but never heard from them again so i guess...it wasn’t like that at all.”

and while you didn’t divulge that story to san, you told him how sweet the blue-haired boy was. how any single person would be so lucky to have him and you can’t imagine anyone not falling in love with him immediately. 

“maybe he’ll be desperate enough and pity mingi,” san said, the mentioned boy’s head snapping up upon hearing his name. “sad boy has been crying for someone to love him for weeks now and-”

“shut up, nooo!” you heard the tallest boy whine, letting out a snort and thinking, maybe, that wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.

but when you mentioned it to yunho the next day, his cheeks turned pink and he waved you off, flustered and embarrassed at the idea of being set up with someone who’s name he didn’t even know. 

“i wouldn’t say we’re plotting something, we’re just...we had an idea. 

seonghwa bites the inside of his cheek to control the smile on his face, narrowing his eyes as he nods his head at you skeptically. “mhm,” he hums lowly, completely unconvinced in a way that makes you let out a sigh. 

“you know what, how ‘bout you just mind your own business?” you squeak, poking at his chest playfully. “because i’m not gonna help you control everyone if you’re gonna be mean.”

"you have to help,” your big, strong, cool, boyfriend whines, his hands moving to your waist so he can hold you closer to him. “this is gonna be a fucking disaster, babe.”

“you’re so dramatic, no, it’s not,” you say, rolling your eyes as you allow seonghwa to pull you into him. “we’ll just have a little bit of a headache for the first few days.”

and that fact, because seonghwa already knows it’s a fact, causes him to let out a sigh, lifting your chin so he can take your lips in a kiss. you smile into it and lift up on your toes to deepen it, sweet and chaste and mouths only parting a little bit to keep it pg in front of the three boys. 

but you think that they’re used to it already, the sweet pecks and constant affection (that’s still making your heart flutter so intensely) around them more often than not.

you never thought you’d be one to show affection around anyone, mostly because you never thought you’d have the chance to have a boyfriend nor a group of friends, but something about it is oddly...reassuring. like you’re worth being hugged and comforted not just behind closed doors or in the walls of your room. 

“ohhh, they’re they fuckin’ go again,” jongho whines, pool noodle in hand that he promptly smacks seonghwa’s back with. “enough, break it up.”

seonghwa turns around and narrows his eyes at the boy, staring him down before snatching the yellow foam out of his hand and hitting him on top of the head. you let out a giggle watching the two boys fight playfully before sneaking over to yunho and hongjoong, rocking back and forth on your toes.

“y/n, stoppp,” yunho whines when he sees the look on your face, his cheeks already pink and burning. “you’re making me even more nervous.”

“there’s no reason to be,” you tell him softly, a pout on your lips as you look up at the sweet, blushing boy. “no one but san knows about so it’s completely in your hands, yunho. if you like him, great, if not, that’s good too. i just want you to be happy,” you say sweetly, remembering how gentle and kind and patient he was since the moment you first met.

but your kindness only proves to make him more flustered, poking your arm gently before pulling you into a half hug. “remember when you couldn’t even look me in the face and now you’re trying to pimp me out to some-”

“this shit be niiiice, y/n, you didn’t tell us you had a pool!” 

you’d recognize that voice anywhere, head snapping over to see wooyoung and san standing just outside the white gate. a dimply, happy smile is on san’s face as he waves excitedly to you, a tiny gasp leaving your mouth before you rush over and usher them in the backyard.

“she did tell us, you fuckin’ idiot,” yeosang says from behind him, pushing wooyoung through the gate as he’s eager to get a look at the backyard. “but you didn’t say you were literally right on the beach?” 

“what did you think beach house meant?” you ask the boy dryly, a snort leaving mingi as he waves to you like a child; the more you got to know the tall boy, the more you saw that he was actually incredibly shy. 

you only saw him with his lifelong friends, people who’d he grown incredibly close and comfortable with over the years.

but the talk of him meeting new people this week had seemed...challenging for him. not because he didn’t want to or didn’t like the idea of them but because he just finds that he gets a little bit... awkward. confused as to what to talk about and overanalyzing anything he could possibly say to keep a conversation going. 

but with you, it’s easy. with you, he’s able to smile softly and make his way over to tell you he wants to go in the pool even though it’s barely seventy degrees out. 

and you don’t see it but seonghwa does, the way yunho’s head snaps up upon hearing mingi’s whiney voice. looking over the boy with a flicker of recognition before hurt and fondness surface, watching as he throws his head back in laughter and threatens to throw wooyoung in the pool.

it’s why the dirty blonde makes his way over to yunho and asks if everything’s good, shaking his dazed head before he looks away from the familiar, tall boy and nods unconvincingly.

“yeah,” he manages to get out, his heart pounding in his chest and head swarming with confusion and nervousness and maybe even a little embarrassment; but seonghwa’s far too used to lying and deflecting, raising an eyebrow at his usually honest friend.

but before he can ask if he’s sure, he sees jongho come out from god knows where and head straight toward wooyoung, mingi and yeosang.

“oh no,” seonghwa mutters but hongjoong only lets out a scoff and shakes his head, the three boys reluctantly making their way over to the group.

and they have to hold back their laughter when they see jongho, all smiles and polite handshakes, as he introduces himself to the three boys he swore he was going to fight three seconds ago.

“you’re his younger friend, right?” yeosang asks, remembering the name as it rings with the slightest bit of recognition in his head.

“yeah,” the blonde starts to say but then seonghwa’s arm is thrown over his shoulder and he smirks down at the boy, a look in his eyes that’s making him extremely uneasy.

“younger but pretty strong,” the dirty blonde says, a shit eating smirk on his face. “in fact, he wouldn’t shut the hell up before about fighting each and every one of-”

“is anyone thirsty? pardon y/n for being an awful host, i’ll go get some,” the boy smiles tightly, elbowing seonghwa in the rib and causing the boy to wince. “ice tea? lemonade? water?” 

“you’re such a fuckin’ coward, it’s not even funny,” hongjoong whispers out of the corner of his mouth. 

you giggle watching the exchange before making your way over to san, the two of you sharing soft smiles as excitement courses through you. 

because this was such a foreign idea to you at one point in your life. having friends over to hang out with, having friends over in a warm, welcoming house where you could laugh and make memories and have fun.

you remember during the summer walking past groups of teens and thinking you just wanted one person to do that with. wanted one person to make connections and memories with, knowing that you didn’t really know how to have friendships or relationships but wanting so desperately to try.

and now you have eight, ten if include jojo and bo-ra who couldn’t come due to prior vacation plans but have continued to visit you and san at the cafe a few days a week. 

you have a boyfriend who loves you and a best friend you connected with the second you met and other friends, some with more bumpier starts than others, who you can now hang out with and rely on 24/7.

you have a safe house where they’re more than welcomed to stay, if your loving boyfriend wasn’t overly concerned with your safety and genuinely fearful of them burning down your house. 

“i’m so excited you guys are here finally,” you squeal quietly to san, his eyes shining and happy as he looks over the backyard of people; because similar to you, he didn’t know if he’d ever have this again. he didn’t know if his group of friends would ever be repaired again, fearing that it’d never go back to the way things used to be.

but with a little bit of apologies and forgiveness, things were able to be mended. it didn’t happen right away but their memories and mutual love for one another had eventually paid off and worked everything out.

“i know, me too,” he says, looking over the boys who’re already chatting and laughing with each other; or at least, most of them. 

because two of them still haven’t uttered a word to another and it took only a few moments of you and san watching yunho and mingi to notice something was off with them. for you to furrow your eyebrows at san before going over to yunho and asking him quietly if he was okay. 

and yunho could lie to seonghwa but he couldn’t lie to you, biting down on his lip before allowing the words to leave him. 

“i know him.”

“who?” you ask quietly, looking over the boys and seeing mingi with his glossy eyes trained on the large, in ground pool. 

“him. the tall one,” yunho said quietly, the feeling of disappointment and sadness he learned to bury deep down resurfacing. all because of the person who can’t even look at him right now, who kept him up at night for months, making him question himself and their relationship and an entire month of his life. 

“he’s the boy from the ski lodge.”

by the second day of the boy’s arrival, you would’ve thought everyone had been best friends for years. 

because if they weren’t teasing and yelling at one another playfully, they were throwing each other in the pool or pelting french fries at each other from across the table. 

and it only got worse as the week went on.

“cut the shit,” seonghwa growled at them, losing count of just how many times he’s uttered that phrase within the past few days. but now, instead of three boys to defy him, there were seven and it was quickly testing his patience. 

so much to the point that seonghwa grabbed you by the arm after watching wooyoung and jongho play monkey in the middle with you and a fry, leading you out the door of the diner quickly.

a tiny whine leaves your mouth as you remind him you hadn’t even gotten to eat your food yet; but it’s like the boy hadn’t even heard you, opening his car door before pushing you inside and giving you a warning look.

and it’s a look you’ve learned not to test, his dark frustrated eyes disconnecting from yours as he walked around the front of his car and plopped down in his seat.

the sound of the door slamming caused you to jump, looking over his tense body before deciding to crawl over and plop yourself down on his lap; your legs straddling him as your arms wrap around his broad shoulders gently. 

“you’re being dramatic.” 

“i’m not, babe,” he insists after he lets out a huff, his eyes shutting at the feel of your hands playing with the back of his hair. “they are so fucking exhausting.” 

you let out a small giggle because while you can even agree with that, you’ve kind of grown to like the chaos. 

it used to scare you at first, hearing them bicker back and forth as their voices grew louder and harsher; but now you can’t help but smile and giggle softly watching them, adding commentary every now and then that would either get you a smile back or a harsh poke in the arm. 

“they’re your friends,” you reason softly, smiling when his eyes meet yours and you see the tight irritation in them. 

“they’re annoying,” seonghwa growls lowly, your teeth biting down on your lip so you don’t let out a snort. you sigh as you cock your head to the side, running your hand through his hair and smiling when you hear him hum contently.

“i just want one day alone with you,” he says after a few moments, his voice low and soft and making your stomach flutter in such a familiar way. “i would’ve gladly spent this whole fucking week with just you.”

because he hates sharing you with them. he hates feeling like he has to fight for your attention when san and jongho and wooyoung and what feels like every person on this earth is trying to make you smile or laugh. 

and he’s happy that this is the current dilemma he’s having, that you’re finally being treated right and the way you deserve to be after such a long time of not. 

but it’s like when he can finally get you in his arms for one second, kiss the side of your neck and hear you giggle his name out, an obnoxious screaming boy is trying to get you to play chicken or take turns with a video game or learn a stupid dance.

and it’s not coming from a place of jealously but more so from a place of selfishness and frustration; because if he was able to have you at night, maybe this would be a little bit easier. 

but no, he has to share his bed with one of them and be kicked around all night by another, then be woken up at 9 a.m. because “you’re the fucking host and you’re not serving us breakfast?” 

“i know,” you tell him softly, smiling sweetly before you lean in and peck his cheek. “but it’s nice to have friends, seonghwa. that they’re here and we’re having fun together. i...i never really had that before.” 

and it’s a sentiment he, truthfully, hadn’t even thought about, all the irritation and frustration leaving his body almost immediately at hearing those words leave your mouth; because it hadn’t even occurred to him what a big group of friends meant to you now, now that you were safe and happy and had a little circle of people that were yours. 

“i’m sorry, baby, i didn’t even think that about,” he says honestly, his arms wrapping around your waist and rubbing at your sliver of exposed skin gently. “i just miss you. they keep hogging you.” 

you feel your heart warm at his softly spoken words, resisting the urge to giggle and instead leaning down to press your lips against his. you’re not surprised when he responds immediately, tightening his hold around you and meeting your kiss with an eagerness he’s trying to control.

but once you tease his lips with your tongue, slipping it in with ease and catching him off guard, he’s quick to take control. tighten his hold and growl against your mouth that you better be careful because this is not the right time to test him. 

“oh no?” you tease when you pull back slightly, eyes widening and brow raising as you resist the urge to smirk. “then when would be a good time? i think i’ll be able to squeeze you into my busy schedule.”

and even though he wants to smile at the newfound sass that’s coming out more and more every day, he’s quick to fist your hair and pull you toward his mouth again. 

humble you in the form of lips and teeth and tongue assaulting your mouth, his deep voice and the slight sting on your scalp every time he tugs on your hair making a whine escape you just a little bit. 

“should i fuck you in my car again? is that what you want?” 

you feel your stomach swoop when he mutters those words in your ear, tone deep and husky and making you arch your back into him as you take your lip into your mouth.

“maybe,” you hum lowly, words bold and daring but the telltale sign of your flushed cheeks and wide eyes showing you still get as flustered as you would back then. “but what about you? do you want that?” 

and then just to tease him a little more, you roll your hips over the hardness growing in his lap and smile when he takes a sharp inhale of air. 

“don’t fucking play with me.”

a pout crosses your lips as you peer up at him with a mock innocence, his words reminding you so much of the first time you guys were...intimate. when he insisted you weren’t ready for what he wanted to give you but you knew you were; even just for a little bit. 

and it’s the same way you now wish it was summer again so you could be wearing a skirt, the jeans covering your body making it impossible for him to slip his hand in your underwear and remind you of what happens when you do play with him. 

“i’m not,” you whine softly, circling your arms around his shoulders again and running your fingers through his hair. “i’m just asking you a question.”

“bullshit,” he growls and you let out a giggle seeing the tense look on his face, your hands moving down to massage his shoulders.

he closes his eyes and takes a moment to enjoy your hands on him, your quiet hums and the feel of you under him, your hands working gently but firmly to relax him the best way you can in the parking lot of the diner. 

“they’ll only be here for a few more days,” you hum lowly in his ear, your lips against his skin making him shudder more than he cares to admit. “and then we’ll have alll of sunday. just us,” you say sweetly, pulling back and trying to calm him with a soft smile.

because you know it’s only a matter of time before someone runs out and looks for you guys, bangs on the car window and tells seonghwa to stop being a bitch and keeping you all to himself. 

“i think i’m gonna lose my fucking mind,” he grunts out lowly, looking back at the diner like it’s an awful prison and not somewhere fun with milkshakes and ice cream and the best french fries ever made.

“well, don’t,” you whine, lip jutting out ever so slightly in a way that makes him smirk. “because i need you, okay? you’re still my favorite.” 

you feel your heart lift when a full, handsome smile stretches across his face, resisting the urge to roll your eyes because you can’t believe this is the boy who knocked into on the beach and acted so indifferent to you. 

who looked at you in school and filled you with so much sadness and heart ache you didn’t know if you’d ever recover. 

but you don’t know if you’ve ever felt happier, melting into him when he hugs you against his chest. cuddling into him for just a few minutes before you two have to brave the diner again, his steady heartbeat against your ear as his arms wrap around your waist tightly. 

“i better be,” he mumbles against your head, his lips grazing your hair before the boy who constantly fights for that number one spot rushes out of the diner and pounds on the car window. 

“sorry to interrupt,” you hear san say, though nothing about his voice sounds apologetic, “but jongho and yeosang are about to get us kicked out.”

“i just don’t understand how you thought a food fight was appropriate.” 

“it wasn’t me you, fuck! i told you wooyoung started it.”

“no i didn’t, you little bitch! i told you to stop taking my fries and what do you do you do? you took my last god damn-”

“can we perhaps...go swimming now?”

everyone, minus you and san, look at yeosang and groan in frustration. because ever since you arrived at the beach a few hours ago, coolers packed with snacks and beers the boys from school may or may not have snuck in mingi’s car, he hadn’t stopped asking. 

and now, with alcohol coursing through his veins, it seems like nothing is gonna stop him; nothing’s gonna stop him or you or san (also maybe a little tipsy but who’s counting) from jumping up and squealing at the idea in glee, despite the fact it’s fifty degrees and the ocean is probably freezing.

“let’s go, i’ve been waiting for you to ask again!” 

but before you can even get two feet, san and yeosang already running out to the ocean despite wooyoung’s protests, seonghwa stands up and catches you around the waist. 

“i don’t think so, baby.”

you let out a mixture of a whine and scoff, flailing against seonghwa in a move that’s happened the five other times you three have tried to make your getaway. 

“seonghwa, stop!” 

but he doesn’t care how much you whine or how much you protest, knowing that the odds of you getting sick from a ten-minute night swimming session are high - especially in this cold weather. 

“you’ll get sick,” he tries to reason softly, his hand moving to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. but your face only twists into one of anger and annoyance, poking him in the chest roughly despite the way he doesn’t even budge.

“no i won’t, i promiseee,” you say, smiling sweetly and the boys are all trying to control their laughter at the way you’re basically begging. “we’ll only be in for a little.”

his eyes narrow and he’s about to shake his head again, sit you down on his lap and run his hand through your hair in hopes that’ll relax your tipsy self to the point of falling asleep. 

but yeosang and san starting to yell at him to let you go isn’t helping, nor is the way you’re now staring up at him with wide eyes and pushing yourself away from him. 

“you...are not the boss of me, even though you’re my hot boyfriend,” you stammer at him, a smirk pulling at his lips because you have a drunken habit of confessing how attractive he is on this beach. “like, you can be the boss of me sometimes but that’s only when we’re doing, like,-”

“enough,” seonghwa growls lowly, the boys in the back falling into one another as their loud cackles finally echo through the air. 

but your eyebrows only wiggle suggestively and he shakes his head, knowing you don’t realize how much you’re testing him right now but also finding it incredibly cute. 

“i just...don’t know if i trust those two,” seonghwa says to you lowly, seeing yeosang and san stumble into one another as they proceed to throw wet sand at each other. 

and before you can suggest that he comes in the water with you too, brave the cold like the big, strong man you tease him about being, two voices speak at the same time.

“i’ll go with her.” 

and it’s as if that sobers you just a little bit, peeking around seonghwa’s body to see yunho and mingi looking at one each other warily, shyly, like the way they have ever since this week started.

ever since yunho confessed to you that mingi was the boy from the ski lodge, the boy he thought he had something special with but then never got a call from; he’d been avoiding the conversation as a whole all week, been avoiding the boy almost completely, really.

and it seemed to be a mutual thing, neither of the boys communicating or looking each other’s way. 

you were surprised more people didn’t notice, just you, san, and seonghwa all sharing looks of suspicion and sadness any time they left the group to take a nap or make a phone call in another room.

but even with a few drinks in you, you can see the awkward, tenseness in their gaze, mingi stammering that he can go while yunho mumbles an apology. and now seonghwa really doesn’t have any say in the matter, the pleading look you throw his way making a sigh leave his mouth. 

“both of you go,” seonghwa says, tone commanding and begging like he’s the one who made the decision in the first place. “someone to watch her, someone to watch the two idiots.”

you roll your eyes at the word watch but shrug yourself away from him anyway, sticking your tongue out when yunho stands up and takes your cold hand in his; mingi awkwardly trudges in front, yeosang and san grabbing onto the boy before they nearly knock him into the sand. 

“you’re freezing, y/n,” yunho begins to say as you make your way down to the water. “i really don’t think this is a good-”

“why haven’t you guys talked?” 

the blue-haired boy isn’t shocked by the question but it still makes him sigh, looking down at you and smiling softly when he sees your wide, curious gaze.

there’s still that hint of softness in them too, like you’re not gonna judge him or make him say anything he doesn’t feel comfortable saying right now.

“he hasn’t talked to me either...” yunho says quietly, voice dejected and disappointed and you’re just so not used this bubbly boy sounding sad. “so i just figured if we both act like we don’t remember, that’s better. it seems to be what he wants.”

“but-”

your small, whiney voice gets cut off when you hear san’s loud yelp as the freezing water touches his feet, yeosang running all the way out and ignoring the way his body turns numb.

“holyfuck, holyfuck, holyfuck! this is freezing!”

you and yunho watch mingi’s shoulders shake as he laughs at his friends, rolling his pants up before plopping down in the sand carelessly. 

your lips purse together and you look over the boy for a few seconds before out into the ocean where san is flailing due to the cold water and yeosang is laughing, screaming at him to stop being a little bitch.

“I’m going with them,” you tell yunho, squeezing his hand in yours before backing up a few feet. “are you coming in?”

“absolutely not,” yunho laughs out because you couldn’t pay him enough money in the world to go in the water when it’s this cold. you roll your eyes with a soft smile as you shrug, looking between him and mingi who’s only a few feet in front of you now. 

“you should talk to him,” you suggest quietly, eyes wide and pleading as you look at him sweetly. “i-i know you’re probably scared but sometimes people deserve a second chance.”

the words hit him even more because they’re coming from you, knowing everything that happened between you and seonghwa which only makes his heart hurt worse. because he knows the pain you were in, and bets it was probably more severe, but he still doesn’t know if he can do it. 

it felt silly to still be so hung up on the situation a year later but it’d just been the first time he connected to any person on that kind of level. and then for it to just...die when he tried to keep it? hoped that things were gonna blossom and really felt as if it had the potential to be something really good?

he thinks if the memories are tainted any more, it’ll be hard to open up to the next person he has any sort of connection with. but your words are hitting him deeply, the way you look so hopeful and patient and can relate to your own advice more than anyone. 

“you’re too good, little one,” he says with a shake of his head, a small giggle leaving your mouth as you shake your head. 

“you’re better,” you quip with a small smile, peering behind his body to see seonghwa watching you closely. you resist the urge to roll your eyes and wave to him instead, looking back at yunho and telling him you’re gonna go now before seonghwa changes his mind and throws you over his shoulder. 

he watches you run out to the water with a small smile, fully expecting the shrill scream that leaves you when the water hits your feet.

he stands in his spot as san and yeosang grab you by the hands and feet, pulling you further out and immediately dropping you into the cold water when they hear seonghwa’s loud “hey!” from the fire a few yards away.

he lets out a snort and sees someone else found the whole interaction funny as well, watching broad shoulders shake before his handprint continues to make indents in the sand.

and it’s with a deep breath and a silent prayer to whoever’s listening that he walks over hesitantly, mingi turning around at the sound of footsteps approaching. 

he only offers a small smile over his shoulder before his gaze turns back to the ocean, yunho standing there awkwardly with his hands hanging at his sides. 

“can i sit?” is what he eventually blurts out, not sure if five seconds or thirty seconds passed before he was able to utter the question.

sure,” mingi mumbles, biting the inside of his cheek when he feels the boy’s large presence next to him; he’s gotten taller, he thinks to himself. he was taller than him before but it seems even worse now. 

or maybe he just doesn’t remember anything properly. 

“i did,” yunho says quietly and mingi could’ve easily missed the words if the howling wind decided to blow at that given moment. but because it didn’t, he heard the words and his eyebrows pull together in confusion.

“what?” 

“i did get taller,” yunho says, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice because he doesn’t think the boy meant to say that aloud.

the knowledge makes mingi’s cheek flush and his eyes to close, not liking how shy and flustered he’s already getting because of the boy next to him.

“i didn’t think i said that out loud,” he mumbles to himself, yunho’s short but deep chuckle making him lick over his lips nervously. 

the both of them continue to watch you three flail around and laugh together, the gentle crashing of the waves and distant chatter from the bonfire surrounding them. 

but it’s not like either of them can even hear that anyway, too distracted by their own frantic voices in their heads.

yunho wondering what he should say, ask him straight up why he didn’t call and if he made up everything in his head?

mingi asking if he even remembered him in the first place, if his awkwardness is just making him feel awkward? tell him he’s sorry if he misunderstood everything from the start.

it’s eventually yunho who finds it in him to speak, taking a deep breath before confessing that he wasn’t even sure if mingi recognized him. and it’s at that the brunet’s eyebrows pull together, looking at the boy in confusion because what? he thought it was fairly obvious he remembered him right away.

the second he heard his voice and saw his face, he felt his stomach drop and face turn pale. he thought he was about to throw up right in your backyard and promptly ruin the welcome party.

“of course i do,” he laughs out humorlessly. “how could i not?” 

yunho doesn’t like how hopeful the words make him feel at first, a spark of anger bolting through his chest that is very unfamiliar and makes him let out a sarcastic tsk. 

“what?” mingi asks, voice so low and deep he’s hoping he doesn’t catch the waver in it. 

“i guess you wouldn’t forget something like that,” yunho says snidely. 

the boy you toyed with for a month and filled with hope but then forgot. the boy you promised to call when your flight landed but then completed ignored and left worrying for days, even weeks after. 

yunho’s tone makes mingi’s eyebrows pull together, looking to his side to see a tightly set jaw and eyes burning into the sand. and he wants to ask what the fuck he has to be angry about? like he was the one who wasn’t honest about what he wanted. 

he could’ve just told him he didn’t wanna continue their....friendship in the first place. he didn’t have to give him a fake number. 

“yeah, i wouldn’t,” mingi bites back, the tight hostility and edge in their voices quickly taking over the mood between them. “but i was also honest about everything so.”

he’s surprised that the words fly out of him as easy as they do but he can’t even say he regrets them, looking away from yunho to look back out at the night sky. 

“honest, that’s funny,” yunho says, his hands folded into one another as he presses them together tightly. “your memory seems to be a little foggy. it felt like i was the only one who was honest.”

“okay, linda,” mingi bites back sarcastically, the name permanently etched into his mind because he’ll never forget the embarrassment of insisting to an middle-aged woman her number belonged to someone named yunho.

and fuck anyone named yunho in the first place because it almost looks like his face of pure and utter confusion is genuine. 

“what?” yunho asks; who the hell is linda?

“who the hell is linda?” san’s loud, quivering voice asks, plopping down next to mingi and snuggling over into him for body warmth. “tha-that’s yunho,” the blonde stutters, you and yeosang coming in freezing and huddled together.

“i wondered the same thing,” mingi mumbles quietly, feeling petty and stupid but truly not caring; it was the first time he opened up to someone and he paid for it dearly. 

“i don’t even know what you’re talking about,” yunho spits, getting increasingly annoyed at the boy’s lowly mumbled comments. 

“yeah, i’m sure you don’t,” mingi bites back just as snippily, your eyebrows pulling together and lips falling into a pout; you’ve never heard either of these boys sound like that but especially yunho. 

“what happened?” you ask both them both quietly, looking between mingi and yunho before your gaze stays on the latter. but all of this is quickly becoming too much for the blue-haired boy, knowing that you meant well with your advice but clearly seeing that this was a big waste of his time. 

that he was stupid to remember that month every now and then in hopes that something would ever be rekindled. 

it’s why he can only shrug his shoulders and stand up from his spot on the sand, dusting off his pants before shaking his head and mumbling “nothing.” 

but he only takes about five steps before mingi pops his neck to the side and looks back at the retreating boy, wanting to get one more dig in before he permanently erases the winter ski trip from his mind. 

“next time you don’t wanna be friends with someone, just tell them,” he snaps. “don’t give them a fake number like some little bitch.”

yunho’s head snaps back so fast you can’t believe it doesn’t fly off, his eyes flaring even in the dark as he walks back over and looms over the boy. 

“what are you talking about? you’re the one who didn’t even bother to call me,” yunho bites backs. “i was stupid enough to be worried about you when i didn’t hear from your after your plane landed, asshole.”

“i texted you the second i landed and then called you when i got home,” mingi snaps, you, yeosang and san watching these two tall boys with deep voices growl back and forth at each other. “but the number you gave me belonged to a linda, she didn’t even know anyone named yunho.”

and it’s upon hearing that you resist the urge to squeal or laugh or smile, you’re not 100% sure what you wanna do, but it’s obvious everything had all just been one big misunderstanding. 

an unfortunate misunderstanding that left the boys upset and embarrassed and angry, doubting themselves and the relationship as a whole for a year; but at least now you can see something other than those emotions in their eyes, a flicker of confusion and shock and astoundment that immediately makes you take yeosang and san by the hand and run up the sand to the roaring fire. 

seonghwa takes one look at you and releases a long exhale, his arm outstretched for you to sit on his lap despite the way freezing ocean water is dripping off of you. 

you smile at him and immediately scramble into his lap, humming softly at his warm body and the heat of the fire before he throws a blanket around his lap. 

“did you have fun?” he grumbles in your ear, the shiver that runs through you probably both from him and your current, soaking state.

“yes,” you answer softly, the slightest hint of sarcasm in your voice that makes him shake his head against you. but then you’re curling yourself into his body and resting your head right on his chest, mumbling that he should’ve joined you guys too.

“nah,” he mumbles against your head, lips ghosting over your hair as he feels you frown against him. “we can’t both be sick this weekend.”

and you’re happy that in your tipsy, tired state, you didn’t make a fool out of yourself and say you wouldn’t be sick. 

because the next morning, you, san and yeosang all woke with disgusting coughs and fevers that made everyone shake their heads and say they told you so; it cut the trip one day short but you and san couldn’t even be upset over it since you’d all but slept the day away. 

you didn’t leave seonghwa’s chest until he forced you awake and gave you the same soup that you had the last time this happened, seonghwa’s words soft and gentle but eyes staring you down like he couldn’t believe you did this again, especially in the winter. 

but you only groan and pushed the bowl away once you were done, whining at him until he laid back down and you promptly passed out on his chest again. 

he shook his head and couldn’t even stop himself from smiling as you cuddled further into him in your sleep, quiet little hums leaving your mouth that he silenced by running his hands through your hair. 

“h-hwa,” you mumbled sleepily, his head turning down to see your eyes barely open. 

“go to sleep, baby, i’m here,” he mumbles against your head, arm tightening around your body that serves as the final thing to completely knock you out. 

even though he’s so excited to tell you that, on monday morning, there’s gonna be one extra person in the car going to school with you guys because someone decided to stay an extra day at the house next door.  

(chapter 24)

tag list: @chogiout ; @psshwa ; @yeocult ; @seongghwaa ; @cherryeonii ; @chaoticbanqtan ; @8teenee ; @nczenniez ; @atinyarmyx1 ; @mingtopiaa ; @chubsluda ; @joongiebug ; @mochibabycakes ; @jisungity ; @skz-on-my-mind ; @nlost21 ; @myonlyaurora ; @closer-stars ; @kuaenam3g ; @byungaji ; @floweryjh ; @joeycheungg ; @lostscenarios ; @atinyxtopia ; @sanisms​ ; @kpopnightingale ; @simpforhyunjin ; @89staytinyzen21​ ; @lokicaramel​ ; @hwaxbum​ ; @sakura-uji​ ; @songsoomin​ ; @toffee-hwa​ ; @deobitiful​ ; @hyunjeansuniverse​ ; @chrryhwa​ ; @i-know-you-know-lee-know​ ; @tiny-whatsername​ ; @fairieofeternity​ ; @yixing-jaehyun​ ; @sleepyseonghwa​ ; @revehosh​ ; @atletino​ ; @yeol-wish​ 

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter Three.

a/n: get ready for the yearning in this chapter! also please make sure to reblog to share and leave feedback — it really helps writers continue wanting to post and continue writing.

SERIES MASTERLIST | word count: 8.2k

come talk to me about wtsgd! i’d love to know your thoughts!

April 30, 2017

Luci woke up to loud knocking on her front door, too loud for eight in the morning when she wanted to sleep in. She thought she was dreaming, like someone was knocking directly onto her head, telling her to wake up. But the knocking increased, making her scream into her pillow, getting out of bed. Her pink soft house slippers that Ren made sure she brought so she wouldn’t get her new floors dirty with her outside shoes padded on the wooden floor and towards the entrance, opening the door. 

Once she opened her door, her parents and Nathan were behind it, smiling as they waved their hands into a jazz-like movement. 

“Lulu!” 

“My Lucky!” 

“Ana!” 

Her family charged through her doorway, bringing her into their arms for a family group hug. Luci was wide awake and smiling at the sight and presence of her family. They all eventually let her go to give her individual hugs to have their own moment because they just missed her that much. 

They made their way out of the front entrance and hallway, walking more into her apartment as Ren and Beatrice looked around in awe of how much natural light that was provided. She gave her parents a tour before they all settled into the living room where they had a cup of coffee in to-go cups and ate breakfast sandwiches. 

Luci then told them the events that happened yesterday, minus her unexpected hangout with Harry, and they were furious. All at once, their hearts broke but were quick to ignite with anger. 

“How could she do that?!” Ren had an angry expression on his face, and it was one that she and Nathan had always been afraid of ever since they were younger; it was rare to see their father angry since he was much softer as it would take a lot for him to get him to that state. 

She shrugged her shoulders. “People favor power over fairness these days, or else they’d lose their biggest stars.” Nathan scoffed from the sofa chair next to the couch, but didn’t say anything more. 

It was the harsh truth of showbiz that almost everyone knew—it was a fact; Broadway and Hollywood don’t play fair, it’s obvious they want the best of the best, and if that’s passing up a new talent that could take them to the moon over the seniority of actors who’ve been in the industry for much longer, they’ll take that opportunity. And Luci knew that when she signed up for this. 

Beatrice told Luci that she was sorry this was happening, and they all agreed that whenever her time to perform on stage comes, they’d be there. Luci smiled at her lap, appreciating their support. The Suki family talked for another hour and a half, catching up on the month that passed when they weren’t all together, before they took the subway to the hotel they were staying at to catch their flight out of New York. Luci said her goodbyes to them in front of the hotel, apologizing that they had to come out here for nothing, but they brushed it off, saying that they would do it again just to see her. 

She watched them get into an Uber, waving at her family as they took off down the streets of Manhattan. She took the subway back to Brooklyn as she wrote down a list of what she wanted to do today; find more decorations, clean, eat pizza, and crack a bottle of wine because she damn well needed it. 

It was almost eleven a.m. when she got back to her apartment and decided to get ready for the day. Her throat felt incredibly dry, so she hydrated herself, gulping the liquid down her throat until she heard a knock on her door. Luci furrowed her brows, wondering if it was Nathan or Beatrice behind that door, asking if they’d left their wallet or phone since they were the more forgetful ones in the family, but when she looked around her living room, she didn’t find anything.

A knock on the door was heard and Luci sighed, walking over to open it as she didn’t expect the person behind it. 

“Samuel?” 

“Hey, babe.” A smug smile was present on his face, but a scowl was present on hers, rolling her eyes at the pet name.

“What are you doing here—no, how do you even know where I live?” Luci placed her hand on her hip, a wrinkle in between her eyebrows. 

“Not gonna let me in?” He gave her an amusing smile, and she rolled her eyes, huffing before moving to the side and letting him in. He walked into the main part of the apartment, looking around. 

Luci crossed her arms, trailing behind him. “So, are you gonna answer my question?” 

“I got your address when you texted me to come over that one night, remember?” 

She mentally cursed herself. Her relationship with Samuel had done a complete one-eighty. After the afterparty on opening night, things were very weird between them after she denied his request to have sex with him in the bathroom of the longue. He had avoided her unless it was work related, but even then, he kept the conversation and words to a minimum, adding attitude and rudeness. If she thought things were weird then, it got even weirder the night leading up to when Daisy took her spotlight on stage last night. 

During rehearsals, he’d flirt with Daisy sometimes even kiss her up. Daisy would give Luci a snarky look every time his face was in her neck, biting her skin, and that was when Luci found out the real reason why Daisy despised her. All because of Samuel. All because of a man. The bitter looks didn’t bother Luci and it wasn’t like she was jealous, but it simply confused her because one day he wanted to fuck her and was sweet to her but when she said no, he was rude and would fuck someone else—there was no real type of closure. He probably took her into the bathroom after she left, Luci thought. 

So, she didn’t really care for him anymore because after all, he was just a someone to fuck; all she cared about was why he decided to show up at her apartment unannounced and uninvited. 

“That was a very weak moment for me.” Luci rebutted mockingly; Samuel scoffed and smirked cockily. He leaned against her countertops, and she hated that she still found him attractive because anyone with eyes knew very clearly that he was a very sexy guy, and the worst part was that he knew it too—he knew it very well. “So, tell me what the fuck you’re doing here?” 

“I’m here to tell you that you’re probably not going to perform anytime soon…” he said in a mocking tone, a fake pout on his face as he gave her puppy-dog eyes. 

She scoffed, shaking her head lightly. “Aww, did Daisy tell you to come all the way here and tell me that?” 

“And if she did?” 

“It’s cute that you’re a messenger now. It suits you since you have all this time to waste, like you did mine.” She breathed out a laugh, making him roll his eyes, and it only brought satisfaction to hurt his huge ego. “Well, how about you tell your little Daisy to stop sending people to tell me things because if she had the balls, then she would tell me herself. Plus, you’re wasting your time here to tell me one little thing that doesn’t affect me.” Luci dramatically gasped. “I’m really living in both of your minds rent-free, aren't I?” 

Samuel inhaled heavily, biting back his words as if Luci had offended him, but it would only make sense that he felt that way because of his feelings for Daisy. He headed towards the door with Luci hot on his tail as a way to push him out faster than he came in. 

“Well, I’ll see you Luci—not on stage, but yeah, I’ll see you.” She wasn’t going to lie, but those few words took a dig at her heart; luckily, she’s an actor, so she was able to mask her pain and anger, giving him a scornful smile as she opened the door. Samuel chuckled, not amusingly but in a way that made him think that she was an outright bitch. 

Harry’s door suddenly opened, making him stop in his tracks as he witnessed the interaction happening because it definitely looked like this guy was just leaving her place. Luci’s head turned towards him as her eyes widened slightly; Harry had a weird look on his face, looking back and forth between her and Samuel. 

“Hey, Harry.” Luci broke his train of thought and Harry looked directly at her, smiling slightly. 

“Hi, Luci.” She suddenly felt a wave of nerves wash through her, butterflies erupting in her stomach once he said her name, thinking that he was by far the best person to say it. 

She felt antsy, fiddling with fingers as she started bouncing on the balls of her feet—a habit that she did when she started to feel nervous. Samuel could see straight through her, catching all the signs when she was a bit anxious and he had a feeling that it had something to do with her neighbor. 

Samuel brisked past her, giving her a kiss on the cheek to mess with both of them; Luci’s eyes widened, pulling her face back but it was too late as his lips had already connected with her skin. 

“See you, Luci.” Instead of the cocky smirk he had when he arrived, he had a loving and kind smile as he left because he wasn’t the only actor in the room. 

Once Samuel rounded the corner, Luci looked at Harry and there was a crease in between his brows. 

“I-I, uh, that’s not-”

“No worries. You don’t need to explain to me, honestly.” Harry walked out into the hallway, locking his door before giving her a toothless grin and walking down the hall. 

Luci’s mouth was slightly ajar as she watched him. She closed her door and placed her forehead against it quite harshly, letting out a frustrated groan.

After much sulking, she decided to get on with her day, hoping she can be as productive as she hoped to be. But the thought of if Harry liked her—even as a person or ‘friend,’ if she could call herself that—lingered around in her head; and she doesn’t know why what he thought of her had so much of an affect on her, but it did. Maybe it was because she had a sort of infatuation with her neighbor, or that she couldn’t stop thinking about him and what he was doing across the hall. Whatever it was, she only hoped that he liked her too. 

May 13, 2017 

Quite early, Luci received a phone call from Tal. 

Her phone was buzzing rapidly on her brown wooden nightstand; and in her sleep, she was trying to determine if she had set an alarm the previous night. When she thought she did, she let her phone snooze for ten minutes. But it was certainly not an alarm because just a few seconds after the buzzing stopped, it had started again. 

Grumpy as usual in the morning, she groaned, propping her elbows on her mattress as she pried her eyes open and picked up her phone. When she saw Tal as the caller ID, her brows furrowed in confusion. 

“Hello?” 

“Luci? Luci? Hi, can you hear me?” The gauging sound of the city was heard on the other end of the call, and she could just imagine Tal placing one hand to her ear as she walked through the bustling streets. 

“Yeah, I can. Hi.” Luci’s voice increased, becoming more audible for Tal. 

“Great! So, I’m glad you answered. I know things have been a bit weird lately ever since, y’know…” she said, referring to when Daisy had stolen her spotlight. “But I want to let you know that you’re performing tonight. I’m saying this in a calm manner because I know you know the shit in the show, so I’m not worried about it. But I need you to play Kim tonight.” 

Luci’s breath hitched in her throat as her eyes widened. She was completely speechless and she felt like she was dreaming. But first thing’s first, she needed to know why Tal’s statement at the end was demanding and slightly panicked. 

“What happened to Daisy?” She wondered, sitting up fully on the gray wrinkled sheets from her slumber. 

Tal sighed deeply, perceptible through the chaos of the outside. “Last night, she partied a bit too hard. She’s just getting back to her place, according to Samuel, and she was high off her ass. I don’t need that today, or ever. So, I figured this would be the perfect time for you to step in.” 

“And why me? Why not Wendy?” Luci referred to the understudy for Kim. 

“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t stick up for you when I should’ve. Daisy has always been…intimidating to me, which is crazy because I run the show, but I should’ve been more stern with her. So, with Daisy out of the picture for today, I want you to perform tonight.” 

Tal genuinely felt guilty that she wasn’t being the stage director that she should’ve been. She let Daisy control some of the show when it should’ve been her to direct everyone. Tal loved her job, she did, but every time she had Daisy as one of the lead characters, she almost dreaded work. She didn’t want to be one of those people who dreaded work because although theatre is stressful at times, it’s also fun and her passion. 

“Okay…” Luci couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’ll perform tonight.” 

Tal let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god. Okay, perfect. Thank you so much, Luci. I’ll see you at five.” \

“I’ll be there. Bye, Tal.” 

Luci hung up the phone and sat on her bed for what felt like forever, simply gazing into the sheets as she couldn’t believe what had happened. Luci was going to perform tonight; her dream was finally coming true. 

When the realization hit her, the corners of her lips turned up into a bright and excited smile. She laughed and screamed and squealed into her pillow, doing a little mini dance on her bed. Looking at the time, it was nearing eight so she had plenty of time to start her pre-show morning routine. But the first thing that she needed to do was to text her family. 

I’M PERFORMING TONIGHT! 

Instantly, she got responses from them. 

Nathan: REALLY?! I get off work at four, I could take a last minute flight. 

Luci hearted her brother’s message. 

Pa: Luci, I’m so happy for you! Your mother is still asleep but I’ll wake her up and tell her the news. We’ll see what we could do to make it to the show. 

She thanked them, texting that she hoped to see them tonight, but would understand if they couldn’t make it since it was last minute. 

Hopping out of bed, she washed up and changed into her workout clothes to go on a walk and grab a smoothie. It was such a beautiful day out that there were more people out on the streets in the morning than usual as they were basking in the bright sun and lovely weather. 

Once she got back home, she made her favorite breakfast—a bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel with cream cheese; and rehearsed some of the more emotional and dramatic lines, taking notes on which parts needed more depth of emotion. 

The day had gone by relatively fast as she showered, tidied, and packed her belongings; and it was already 3:45, so she headed out the door. 

As Luci was locking up and about to walk down the hall, she looked at Harry’s door. She hadn’t talked to him in about two weeks, since the time he opened his door to Samuel kissing her cheek. She had sort of missed him, and she felt like the event with Samuel had put up a wall; she felt like he was avoiding her.

Thinking back to their conversation at the diner, she remembered that he told her he would be there when it was her time to perform, and she didn’t want to not inform him on that because she had a feeling that he would be disappointed hadn’t he known. 

Bravely, she stood in front of his door and knocked, hoping that he was home because she didn’t have his number to tell him. Luci waited one minute before she knocked again and waited another minute before sighing. Just as she was two feet down the hall, his door suddenly opened, making her turn around quickly. Harry looked out into the hall without taking a step out of his apartment and saw Luci with a tote bag on her shoulder, wearing leggings, a vintage tee with Stevie Nicks printed on it, and a beige cardigan. 

“Luci?” 

She turned around. “Harry, hi. Uh, how are you?” Her attitude had visibly changed and brightened as she was ecstatic to see that he answered the door. His hair was wet, separating the strands of hair into slightly thicker chunks as water droplets lingered at the tips; which explained why he didn’t answer the door right away. 

“Good, good. How are you?” 

“Good—great, actually. I-I’m actually performing tonight and I wanted to tell you that in case you wanted to watch the show.” She suppressed a wide smile, linking his hands together to refrain herself from jumping up and down in excitement. 

Harry raised his brows before the corners of his lips turned upward. “Really?” She nodded. “Luci, that’s amazing!” He exclaimed. 

“Yeah, I’m really excited. I was just called this morning that I was performing tonight, so I’m heading to the theatre right now.” 

“I’m so happy for you. But I, uh, have plans already tonight. I’m sorry,” he said sympathetically. Luci couldn’t deny the ache in her chest when he said that, but she completely understood as it was a last minute decision for her to perform. 

“Oh, no worries. Maybe another time whenever I get to perform again. I’ll let you know?” 

“Yeah, please do.” He nodded. There was a bit of silence after as there was nothing left to say. “Well, uh, good luck out there.”

“Thank you.” She smiled. “Maybe we could get some coffee or a smoothie. There’s this really good smoothie place down the street-”

“Brooklyn’s Smoothies?” He asked; Luci nodded. “That’s my go-to smoothie place. But yeah, I’m down for that. Just let me know when.” 

Now, she had another thing she could be excited about: her second hangout with Harry. 

“Great!” She headed towards the hall before she walked back towards him, pulling her phone out. “Here, put your number in—only if you want to.” He chuckled, grabbing her phone as he quickly put his number and name into his phone before handing it back to her. “I’ll text you. Bye, Harry!” She waved as she walked towards the end of the hall; Harry waved back before walking back into his apartment and closing the door. 

Once she was on the subway, she found Harry’s contact, which he named himself ‘Harry (neighbor)’ as if he thought she was going to forget who he was. But it was quite the opposite as he seemed to invade most of her mind as she mindlessly thought about him. She almost always curses herself for being so nervous around him, but that was because he somewhat intimidated her; and that said a lot because she’s very confident in her own skin and rarely finds anyone intimidating. But there was just something about him that made her nervous, and that thought slightly scared her. 

Hi, Harry! It’s Luci, here’s my number. 

She placed her phone face down on her thigh that was relentlessly bouncing before she hit send. Before sending it, she looked over the text, practically overthinking a simple greeting that didn’t need any more thinking. A few minutes later as she was transferring trains and sitting on the blue bench, her phone vibrated. She picked up her phone as the screen lit up; Harry’s message appeared on the screen. 

Hiiii, thank you. Good luck tonight x 

Luci smiled crazily at her phone, putting her chin to her chest as she hid her smile from the many people on the subway with her. She thanked him, and decided to start another conversation after the show so she could tell him how the show went, which was an excuse to text him again. She locked her phone and turned the volume up higher as G Luné played through her Airpods. 

Her cheeks had started to hurt due to the fact that she couldn’t stop smiling, like it was genuinely difficult for her stop. A surge of happiness and relief had washed over her that she felt the happiness line on her chart increase. With a little over two months of living in New York, she had felt like her career was going nowhere when that was the entire reason why she moved there; the whole situation with Daisy had made her life plateaued as her happiness line wasn’t moving upwards. But tonight, it was skyrocketing.

T-minus five minutes until showtime, and Luci was bouncing on the balls of her feet. She started humming and whistling to get her mind off the perturbation that ran along the linings and spaces of her body; it didn’t help that everyone was literally running around, passing by one another through the dark corridor. 

Obviously, everyone knew that it was Luci’s first night performing, so they tried keeping everything light and easy for her, which she appreciated. Once she walked through the doors of backstage, she was immediately greeted with warm and excited smiles—the complete opposite as the last time she walked through the door. Nina squealed and hugged her as they both jumped around in elation; Luci truly missed the first friend she’d ever made on Broadway, and they promised each other that they’d hangout more often outside the theatre. 

After Luci had her hair and makeup done, changed into her costume, and was mic'd up, she was standing on the side of the stage where she could hear the crowd settling into their seats as they talked amongst themselves. Peter, who was playing Chris tonight, stood beside her, rolling his neck in circles and moving his jaw around. She was glad to know that Samuel wasn’t performing tonight because god only knows what he would say to her, only to get inside of her head right before the show. 

She heard the technical and stage crew speak into their headsets, asking if everyone was ready as they counted down from ten. The lights went out, the curtains were pulled to the side, and Luci’s mind went blank as ‘Kim’ took over, completely owning this character because it was fucking showtime. 

After two hours of pouring emotion to give her best act while the spotlight was on her, shining brighter than ever before so she couldn’t see the audience below her, watching intently, her first performance was successfully over. 

She’d earned a majority of standing ovations and was called for another curtain call, where she ran back on stage to overwhelmingly smile brightly, waved, bowed, and blew kisses to the crowd who were whistling and cheering for her wonderful performance. This amazing and exhilarating feeling was something she anticipated, and it did not disappoint; it was a feeling that she wanted to feel every other night. She loved the praise, the cheers, and the claps that were thrown at her so fast that she could cry at how hard the impact was. 

When she left the stage and headed over to the dressing room, her cast members cheered for her as Luci clapped all around the room for everyone’s hard work tonight as well. They all took pictures with one another to share this memorable moment; Luci told everyone to send her the pictures because she wanted to get them framed for her apartment because this moment was definitely frame-worthy. 

When it was time to leave, they all took off their costume and hung it on its rightful rack, and changed into their own clothes before walking out into the lobby where the audience could meet and greet some of the cast. Cheers erupted in the lobby once the cast walked through the doors, and they all smiled, mouthing ‘thank you’ and bowing their heads in appreciation. 

Luci walked through the crowd as they stopped her to tell her that she did an amazing performance; she was grateful and said thank you to everyone she came across. She weaved through the crowd, trying to find Nathan or anyone she could share this moment with; and she was lucky that Nathan was tall because she spotted him instantly. 

When she finally reached him, she was somewhat surprised to see their parents with him because they didn’t mention they were coming tonight, just that they had to see what they could do in order to make it. 

Beatrice was the first one to hug her. “Oh, my Lucky Star. I’m so proud of you!” She hugged Luci tight, swaying to the side. Once her mother let go, she hugged her dad who had the proudest and biggest smile on his face. 

“Lulu, you did amazing up there.” She smiled into Ren’s shoulder, feeling herself tear up from the positive reaction of her performance. 

Nathan was patiently waiting for his hug; and Luci pulled away from her father, giving him a smile before hugging her brother. 

“Ana, you’re so talented.” He squeezed her, patting her back as she always found the action comforting since she was a little girl. Beatrice was taking photos of her kids, tears glossing her eyes at her greatest accomplishments. 

“Thank you for coming. I know you’re tired from work, but thank you for being here anyways.” She could tell that Nathan had just put a long coat over his navy blue scrubs, meaning that he had flown to New York straight from work. 

“No worries. We wouldn’t miss this for anything, honestly.” 

Luci pulled away, smiling as she faced her family. She thanked her parents for coming, still surprised, and they said the same thing Nathan did: that they wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

They took pictures amongst each other, taking a family selfie before Ren had just asked someone nearby to take a proper photo of them. 

“Excuse me? Do you mind taking a picture of us?” The man turned around, making Luci softly gasp. Tonight was just full of surprises because Harry was the one who turned around and nodded, grabbing her mother’s phone to take a picture of her family. 

Harry looked dashingly handsome; he wore black trousers, a baby pink shirt with a black coat over. He held a bouquet of flowers in his arms as he took the picture; and for the life of Luci, she couldn’t dare to stop smiling at him instead of the camera. 

Ren was the first to walk over to him and thanked him, but Harry didn’t walk away, he simply stayed put until Luci walked over towards him. Her parents and brother were looking at each other warily, wondering how Luci knew the man who took their picture. 

“You’re here.” She smiled so brightly as if the spotlight was glued onto her. 

Harry blushed, looking down at his feet before looking back up. “Yeah, I told you I would be here when you were going to perform, right?” Something that she hadn’t witnessed yet until now, that took her by surprise, was the dimple that indented his left cheek, more so than his right cheek. He looked absolutely adorable when he smiled, on top of being handsome; Harry was simply a beautiful man. 

“You did tell me that, I remember.” She couldn’t stop the giddy grin that felt like it was permanently placed on her face because she couldn’t believe that he was here. 

“Oh, these are for you. You did an amazing job—the crowd loved you.” He handed her the mixed bouquet of pink peonies, baby pink roses, white lillies, and baby’s breath wrapped in brown paper. Luci smiled down at the bouquet, admiring how pretty the colors and how well the different flowers looked together. She wondered if Harry picked these out himself; if he individually picked every single flower that was in the bouquet. 

Feeling her face heat up, she unexpectedly leaned in for a hug; and this time, he was ready as he opened his arms and hugged her. He squeezed her tighter than he did when she was crying in his arms, making her heart flutter in her chest. Luci had completely forgotten that her family was behind her until she pulled away. Her eyes slightly widened, knowing that they were most likely enjoying the show that was happening off-stage of her hugging a man they didn’t know. 

“Thank you so much for coming, Harry. It means a lot to me.” He simply nodded. Luci slightly turned her body, presenting herself to her family. “Uh, Harry, this is my family. And this is Harry; he’s my neighbor.” 

Beatrice brows raised, and Luci gave her a knowing look that told her not to say anything weird. 

“Hi, I’m Beatrice, Luci’s mom.” She shook his hand. 

“Hello, I’m Harry. Nice to meet you.” Beatrice turned towards Luci with wide eyes once she heard his accented voice, and she chuckled at her mother’s reaction. 

Ren and Nathan introduced themselves, and they all made conversation quite easily. It was a side that Luci’s never seen of Harry—quite talkative. She wondered if she was the problem as to why he wasn’t so talkative. But she figured that almost everyone wanted to impress and get along with their friend’s parents. 

Once they were finished talking amongst themselves, Beatrice whispered into Ren’s ear and then Nathan’s; and Luci wondered what they could be so secretive about that they couldn’t say it out loud. 

Suddenly, Nathan said, “Well, we’ll see you soon, Ana.” He gave her a quick hug as Luci furrowed her brows, confused. 

“Oh, I thought we could get dinner or something.” It was like her parents didn’t even consider her suggestion as they were hugging her goodbye. 

“I have to get back to Boston, work tomorrow, y’know?” Nathan excuses; Luci nodded, understanding before turning her head towards her parents, seeing which excuse they’ll use since tomorrow was Sunday. 

“Uh, we have a flight to catch—red-eye.” Beatrice spoke up, a little white lie slipping so easily on her tongue. Luci looked at Ren, finding him nodding, warily looking at his wife. 

She could tell, inside and out, that her parents weren’t being truthful because she knew that they’d want to spend every minute with her while they were in the city so they wouldn’t get a red-eye flight on her opening night. Plus, Beatrice had been eyeing her and Harry ever since he introduced himself, so she knew that her family acting weird and how they suddenly had to leave was most likely them wanting Luci to hangout with Harry. 

“Plus, don’t you have an afterparty to go to?” Ren asked. 

“I mean, yeah, but I could always skip it-”

“Now, why would you do that? It’s your opening night; people are gonna be wondering where you are!” Ren did make a point, making Luci mentally agreeing. 

Luci didn’t bother asking any more questions, and decided to let them leave, although she was a bit sad that they had to leave again. They said another round of goodbyes and hugged each other tightly; they planned to come to New York again so they could properly hang out, and Luci said that she’ll see what she could do with going back home to visit. Of course, they didn’t forget to say goodbye to Harry; Ren and Nathan shaking his hand as Beatrice gave him a hug. Luci watched them interact as if he was an old boyfriend or a new boyfriend that they happened to like and adore so much. 

She waved to them as they headed outside the Broadway Theatre doors, and then she was left with Harry. He shyly smiled at her, and Luci hugged the bouquet of flowers tightly to her chest. 

“Uh, would you like to go to the afterparty with me?” She asked. 

Luci watched as Harry considered the invitation in his head. There were two options that he was debating from: go home and have a boring night in, or go to an afterparty with his insanely beautiful neighbor that he was slowly but surely taking a liking to. He realized that wasn’t such a difficult decision after all, so he chose the latter. 

“I’d love to.” 

The entire cast settled into the same lounge that held their very first afterparty. The lounge apparently didn’t mind since everyone contributed to buying lots of alcohol, so they obviously wouldn’t pass up the opportunity of business. 

Luci introduced Harry to the cast who decided to show up, and she was happy that they were very friendly and welcoming to him because the last thing she wanted was awkward tension between her neighbor and coworkers. She wished Nina had gone to the after party because Luci knew that she would get excited about the neighbor she’s crushing on. 

Luci and Harry decided to pace themselves with the drinks as they didn’t take the shots that were given to them at the same time as the rest; instead, they nursed and sipped their drinks. They were towards the end of the circle, in their own world as they talked to one another. Luci was happy they were getting to know each other better, but she figured that was the help and magic of what alcohol did. They told each other childhood stories that made each other laugh, increasing the buzz going on inside their heads. 

Harry had an additional glow to him when he was tipsy, and Luci thought it was the cutest thing ever. He was very touchy—placing a hand on her arm, shoulder, or knee at any given moment—and his laugh was contagious as it was loud and he threw his head back. It was a side that pleasantly took her by surprise, and she hoped that as they continued talking and hanging out, this side of him comes out more when they’re sober and comfortable with one another. 

“Can I ask why your brother calls you Ana?” He wondered, asking at the same time Luci was taking a sip of her drink. 

She nodded. “Yeah. So, Nathan is five years older than I am, and my mom and dad said when he was five, he still had a hard time speaking, like he’d babble and seem to talk gibberish. Anyways, when I was born, my parents were trying to get him to say my name, but couldn’t pick up on the first part of it; he started out with ‘An,’ but eventually picked up ‘Ana.’ And since then, it just seemed to stick—he’s the only one who calls me that and would personally get offended if someone else called me that.” She ended with a chuckle and a sip of her shot. 

“What’s your full name?” 

“Luciana Ivy Suki.” She said slow and a bit sultry, which she hadn’t meant to. The dark light and booze didn’t help that she felt a bit sexy. 

Harry smirked slightly. “Luciana.” He stated as if he was testing how it sounded and felt on the tongue. Luci felt a chill run down her body, making her skin prickle from the goosebumps. 

If she was starting to melt from the sound of her nickname from his lips, the sound of her full name had completely liquified her. 

After an hour, the two moved to the bar, completely forgetting that they were with the cast. Luci suggested getting more drinks for them, and Harry told her that he’d come with. He said something along the lines of “don’t want to miss a moment hanging out with you,” and Luci swore that her heart was becoming a butterfly’s nest as it sank down to her stomach and made her smile. 

“It’s genuinely insane how talented you are, like I was nearly crying by the end of the show!” He complimented, sipping on a Pomegranate Paloma through a thin black straw. Harry was genuinely so amazed as he watched Luci act, alas he was near the rear mezzanine, which was towards the back, he was still blown away by the entire production, especially Luci’s talents. 

“That’s so sweet. Thank you, Harry.” She smiled down at her Royal Manhattan, swirling the drink around in its glass. She was used to taking compliments about her acting and talent, but when Harry complimented her, it made her insides jittery and her face heat up; she felt so honored that Harry was praising her for her talents. 

“Now, can I ask…I thought you had plans tonight. What happened to that?” She wondered. 

Harry blushed, nervously chuckling. “Uh, I canceled them.” 

Her eyes widened. “W-Was it anything serious?” 

“It was a date that my friend, Jeff, set me up with but I wasn’t all that interested in the first place. 

She pouted. “Harry, I feel bad.” 

“Don’t be. I wanted to be here.” She smiled at that, looking at the contents inside of her glass. 

“I’m really glad you’re here.” She reciprocated the thought, clinking her glass with his as they both sipped their drinks. 

After another hour, the cast was lessening one by one, calling it a night as they said their goodbyes to Luci and Harry. She hadn’t realized how quickly time had gone by until the bartender of the lounge had told them that they were closing in a few minutes. Luci looked at her phone as the time read 12:55 a.m., which her and Harry laughed about because they were both in shock about the night being so late already. So, they left the lounge, not before generously tipping the bartender $40 each and gathered their belongings; Luci made sure to not forget the beautiful flowers Harry gave her. 

Neither of them felt like they were sober enough to get on the subway themselves, knowing they would probably get on the wrong one or fall asleep and end up somewhere else. So, they decided on an Uber, seeming as that was the most responsible and safest option there was. 

Luci got inside the black Honda, saying ‘hi’ to their driver. The entire ride back to Brooklyn was quiet, only the soft breaths they both exhaled and the pounding of their hearts. Harry felt himself getting sleepier, and unexpectedly resting his head against Luci’s shoulder. She tensed up at first, not expecting the action, but she welcomed it, placing her head on top of his. They both watched the city through the car window as it disappeared from their sight once they were in Brooklyn. 

Once they were in front of their apartment complex, Harry offered her his arm and she looped her arm through his, leaning into his side as he guided her to the elevator. He leaned against the corner of the elevator with Luci pressed up against his side with her arms still around his, and he looked down to see her eyes closed. He softly smiled, moving the strand of hair that had fallen in the middle of her face to the side. 

The loud Ding! of the elevator seemed to wake Luci up as she startled awake, making Harry chuckle. They walked down the hall and towards their door; Harry occasionally had to tell Luci to keep quiet as she was singing ‘Wannabe’ by the Spice Girls, but Harry couldn’t help but join in. 

When they got to their doors, as usual, they unlocked and opened it; but they didn’t immediately go inside their apartments. Instead, they turned around to face each other; both of their eyes droopy from the slight buzz that was still in their system. 

Luci smiled before leaning in to hug him. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as his arms went around her waist. The hug was sweet and warm as it definitely fed to the touchy-feely side of their buzz. 

When they pulled away, Luci leaned up to boldly plant a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for being here, Harry. Shall we hang out next week?” Harry nodded, not trusting his voice to say anything as his heart erupted into flames. She gave him a smile as he was frozen from the chaste kiss; and Luci walked into her apartment, waving at him before she closed the door. 

Harry was out in the hallway, stunned as he blushed from the small kiss she had left on his cheek; and it was something he was going to be dreaming of until he wakes up, only to think about it over and over again. 

Harry was cooking breakfast when he heard relentless knocking on his front door. He peeked his head out from the kitchen to look at the door, like that would tell him who was behind it, as he was whisking some eggs in a white glass bowl. Setting the bowl down, he walked over to the door and opened it. 

To his surprise, Luci was behind it as tears streamed down her face with her phone in her hand; she was in her soft blue pajama pants with a black hoodie over, and despite her recent state, Harry thought she looked absolutely adorable and cuddly. But he pushed that thought to the side; immediately, Harry was concerned. His eyes widened and his protective side turned on, thinking he was going to lose his shit on whoever caused this poor girl to cry. 

“I-I’m sorry. I just…” she hiccupped, and Harry took her into his arms. He was slightly confused about what had happened during the six hours he’d last seen her—when they were coming home from the lounge. He still couldn’t get that kiss out of his head; in fact, it was difficult for him to sleep because he kept reiterating it in his head.

He pulled her into his apartment, closing the door as he sat her down on his brown leather couch. She cried into his shoulder as she passed him her phone that was unlocked on an article. He grabbed it, not letting go of her while he rubbed her arm. 

The article read on the bright screen read: 

Miss Saigon or Miss No-BE GONE! 

Just twelve hours ago, I went to see the show ‘Miss Saigon; for the second time. The first time I went to see it was last month when Broadway star royalty, Ms. Daisy Beck, was playing the role of ‘Kim.’ With its amazing cast, production set, and story-telling, I knew I needed to see the play again. 

My hopes and dreams were crushed when I didn’t see Ms. Beck on stage, but instead, a newbie Broadway actress known as Luciana Suki. Before writing this review, I did some research on her to my very best ability because she’s practically a nobody in this business, and found out that she had been in several commercials since she was a child (great another child actor) and has been on Off-Broadway, which definitely explains the acting! At least give a man a warning before I decide to put up with a shit-show of a performance. I couldn’t even stay for the entire show because it was completely horrifying to see injustice served to Kim and a downgrade from Daisy Beck. 

I tried, I really tried; but I left during intermission. Luciana Suki is not meant to be playing the part of Kim—almost everyone agrees. There was no connection, no emotion to the character, and it was a poorly done job in Luciana’s part and the casting. 

It’s Daisy Beck or no production. Simple as that, or else, the show will lose its audience and precious money that they wasted on paying Luciana Suki. 

Harry sighed, balling his hands up into fists as he locked her phone and set it aside. How could anybody be so cruel? He understood the importance of critics to the theatre, but to outright insult and humiliate someone wasn’t even critical—it’s being straight up rude. 

Once Luci was ready and had somewhat calmed down, she pulled away from Harry’s embrace, looking at him. Poor Luci’s eyes were swollen and her eyes were red from the crying, and she was a sniffling mess. Harry quickly grabbed her a few tissues to dry her tears, and she blew her nose into the soft cotton paper, not really caring how unattractive she thought it was. 

“That article was written by Adam West—the most important critic in Broadway.” She wiped the snot under her nose. “H-He practically just ruined my career and any chances I have on Broadway ever again.” Luci sobbed as it was difficult for her to accept the fact that she may never act ever again because of a senior journalist. Her chest hurt and her eyes started to become sore from the amount of times she squeezed them shut, freeing her tears. 

“No, come here.” Harry’s heart ached for her, and he couldn’t imagine what she must be going through when that article was directly made towards her. He pulled her in for another hug, and she softly cried against his chest, staining his white t-shirt with her tears, but he couldn’t care less. “You’re insanely talented—critics or no critics—no one could deny your talent. What he said was unprofessional and poorly written, and that’s coming from an English major and a teacher. Now, I’m sure that you know you’re extremely gifted and you’ve worked hard to get to where you are. So, don’t let him get to you because almost everyone loved your performance last night.” 

Harry reassured her quite well that Luci had calmed down; it helped that the vibrations from his chest to her ear as he talked had soothed her—it was quite relaxing. She pulled away again, looking at him through glassy eyes as another tear threatened to fall. He placed his palms against her cheeks, taking his thumbs and running it across her skin to wipe her tears away. 

“Would you like some French Toast? Heard it’s a comfort-food, but I may be wrong. Maybe I’m being biased because I think my recipe is good.” He tried lightening up her mood, and it’d definitely worked because she breathed out a chuckle and nodded. 

“I’m not intruding, right?” He shook his head. “No significant other to get mad at me and throw me out?” She slyly asked as she had been wondering if he had someone. Plus, she was still wondering about the red-hair woman who frantically left his apartment. 

“Nope.” 

“The…red-haired girl. You’re not with her?” 

Harry smirked as he definitely indulged into the slightly jealous feeling that Luci was portraying. “No, we’re not dating. She’s just a friend.” He chuckled. “What about you? Someone I should be worried about?” He stirred the topic towards her as curiosity also got the best of him. 

“Nope.” She answered the same way he did. “Do you make out with all of your friends? Noticed her lipstick was a bit smeared off.” Luci knew later on that she would regret opening her mouth and spewing out those particular choice of words. Her tone also seemed a bit jealous, and she had no right to be, but her crush on Harry was quickly increasing. 

“I mean, some of them; when the time comes.” He somewhat joked. 

“Would you make out with me?” Luci spat out, but quickly slapped her palm against her mouth, eyes widening. Her mind was speaking for herself as she’d been dreaming of the way Harry’s pink lips felt against her mouth and other places she wouldn’t dare speak aloud. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why-”

“Yeah, I would,” he responded honestly. This was the most honest and straight-forward he’d ever been, which only occurs every few months, so it was time to close that window again and wait for it to open. But he also couldn’t deny his attraction to her, like it was difficult to not be so enticed with her. He felt at complete ease with her, and it felt incredibly easy to talk to Luci and be open. “So, the French Toast?” He changed the subject, walking over to the kitchen, leaving Luci glued to her seat on the couch. 

Astonished by his words, she was extra shocked that he was so quick to move on from his response. But she was glad to know that he would want to kiss her, maybe, some time in the future; but the thought made her giddy because she undeniably wanted to kiss him too.

come talk to me about your favorite moments and scenes, and your thoughts and feelings! thank you for reading <3 next chapter will be posted next saturday! 

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Call Forth Love- Chapter 4

So I planned for this chapter and the next to originally be one but as I started writing it, the words kept flowing and oops....now its really long. So I decided to split it. This means that I’m pretty much done with the next chapter so I’ll be able to get it out in a few days! Yay!

Also, Ivar is pretty manipulative in this chapter. Someone made a comment in the last chapter that I want to acknowledge. Going forward this is kind of a theme but I just want to put that warning statement- if this is triggering for you, please read with caution. There is nothing explicit or graphic but its still manipulation. 

Words:4000

Warnings: swearing, manipulation

Tag List: @youbloodymadgenius​

Series Masterlist

Sitting in the office at work, Kari sipped on her smoothie as she plugged in numbers for an inventory order. She had just finished teaching one of her morning classes and was now doing some paperwork for Lydia while on her "lunch break". 

 She jumped when her phone suddenly buzzed- a text alert. Surprised and curious as to who would be texting her at this time, she unlocked her phone to see the text from an unknown number. 

 Unknown: hey u busy 2nite?

 Kari: who is this?

 Unknown: u fav person

 Kari: OMG! Ed Sheeran?!

 She giggled quietly to herself, returning back to the laptop screen. Normally she ignored any calls or texts from unknown numbers, but it had been a good morning and she was feeling playful. When there was no return text, she shrugged the conversation off and returned to the order. Apparently, the unknown number did not get the reaction they were hoping for or realized they text the wrong person. Either way, she did not care. 

 A couple minutes later, her phone started to vibrate repeatedly. Looking down, she saw she was getting a call from the unknown number. She hesitated to answer, but by the third ring her curiosity got the better of her and she answered it. 

 "Hello?"

 "FUCKING ED SHEERAN? REALLY?"

 She sat there stunned. "Ivar?"

 "Of course, it's me. Who the fuck were you expecting?" He asked, angrily. 

 "How did you get my number?"

 He ignored her question, his voice suddenly sounding muffled. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be a second…. damn it. I know!"

 "Who is that?" 

 "My brother.” He scoffed, muttering something unintelligible under his breath, before speaking to her again. “I have to head back into a meeting now."

 "Oh, ok?"

 "You didn't answer my question."

 Her mind was still reeling from the fact that Ivar Lothbrok had her number and was calling her out of the blue. "What question?"

 He huffed, exasperation evident in his tone. "Are you busy tonight?"

 "Why?"

 "I want to take you out."

 "Ivar," she sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead, "I told you, I can't."

 "Yeah and I don't believe you, so…."

 "No. I'm sorry but the answer is still no."

 "Fine. I have to go." He snapped then abruptly ended the call.  

 Slowly, she pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it. What just happened? Before she forgot, she added his number to her contacts since she had the distinct feeling this would not be the last time he contacted her. Once done, she set her phone down and dropped her head into her hands. 

 It had been two days since he drove her home and she said they could be friends. In those two days, this was the first contact they had. She had hoped he grew bored with her since she was not playing his game, that she refused to go out with him. Maybe he finally decided she was not worth his time and moved on? Which was for the best. She could never fit into his world, there was no space for her there. Nor did she want to. She was happy, content with her life. 

 It was better for her to not allow Ivar into her life. That's what she repeated to herself as she tried to focus on the inventory order. 

 *****

 "Just put the bags right there, thank you." Kari said, placing the grocery bags, one in each hand, onto the tiled floor. The kitchen in her townhouse was small, two people could barely move around in it without bumping into one another. Thankfully, she did not spend much time in the kitchen. Cooking had never been her forte. 

 "Do you need anything else? I don't mind staying to help." The dirty-blond haired man asked, setting the two bags he carried down onto the floor. He started to shuffle forward but seemed to think better of it and leaned against the half-wall separating the kitchen from the short hallway. 

 "Erik, it's fine. If anything, I owe you. You never let me pay for gas money."

 He shrugged, and tucked his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "It's not a big deal. I needed to shop too."

 "Still, it's not fair to you." She turned around from placing the milk in the fridge to look at him. 

 "If I think of something you can do to repay me, I'll let you know. Deal?"

 "Perfect."

 "Do you still want a ride to work tomorrow?"

 She shut the door and jokingly waved a hand at him. "See! You're too nice."

 "I'd be ‘too nice’ if I also showed up with coffee for you."

 She laughed, moving some frozen fruit into the freezer. "You're too perfect to not have a girlfriend." 

 He rubbed the back of his neck, a flush growing on his cheeks and drawing out a boyish smile. "I don't know if I'd say that. I'll let you get to it. I'll meet you outside at nine?"

 "Thank you, Erik."

 "Of course." He popped his head around the wall to look into the living room. "See you, Alana!"

 "Bye, Erik!" The response came from the living room. 

 Kari continued to put her groceries away as she heard the front door click shut behind him. Somehow, she needed to figure out a way to pay him back. 

 Erik lived in the townhouse next door alone. When he learned that Kari did not own a car, he offered to give her rides whenever it worked out for both of their schedules. At first, she had been hesitant, still not having lived in the townhouse for long but eventually gave in because he always acted like such a gentleman. Every time he saw her, he made sure to greet her and ask about her day. He always held the door open for her and anybody else close by. A negative word never passed his lips, rather choosing to focus on the positive in life. A routine soon started to form and every two weeks they would meet up outside of their townhouses and go grocery shopping together. When she did not have to work early, he would occasionally give her rides to work since the bank he worked at was only a couple blocks away. That was the extent of their interactions though. She wondered about inviting him over for dinner as to thank him but she always chickened out in asking him. Perhaps that was what she needed to do after all.  

 Once all her groceries were put away, she headed into the living room, seeing her roommate and friend sitting on the couch with the TV on to the Great British Bake-off but looking down at her phone. 

 The brunette asked, dropping onto the second couch. "How was work?"

 "Good. You?" Alana looked up, her make-up flawless like usual on her delicate features. 

 "Nothing too exciting."

 "You know, if you'd waited two hours I could have taken you to the store."

 Kari nodded, fiddling with her diamond stud earring. "I know, but you're so busy with work and school. I know you like relaxing when you come home and Erik said he was free today."

 "Did he now?" Alana asked with a smug look.

 Kari tossed a throw pillow at her. "Don't start this again."

 The blonde caught the pillow, still grinning like the Cheshire cat. "You know he likes you. He's just too shy to ask you out."

 "He's a friend, it's been like seven months, I think if he was going to ask me out, he would have done it by now."

 "He. Is. Shy." Alana enunciated, as if talking to a child. She rolled her blue eyes, leaning back against the couch. "Shit, he only started to actually talk to me this summer."

 "Cause you are intimidating."

 Alana threw the pillow back at Kari. "Bitch, it's cause I radiate sexiness and he can't handle it."

 "That is most definitely it." 

 "Well the guy I hooked up with last weekend said I radiated sexiness."

 Kari wrinkled her nose, looking over at her roommate. "I don't want to hear that. It's bad enough when you bring them here."

 "You know, it wouldn't be the worst thing for you to actually go out with Erik. He's…. sweet." She quietly stated, eyes back on the TV. 

 "Yeah."

 "I'm fairly sure he'd treat you better than that fucker of ex."

 Kari picked invisible lint off her black leggings, apprehensive about where the topic was going. Her love life, and lack of it, was something Alana liked to remind her of frequently as of late. "Honestly, I'm even sure anymore he should count as an ex."

 "Well you were supposed to be exclusive, right? And then you find out he's been fucking other girls the whole time. That counts as a shitty ex."

 She winced at the reminder of her one attempt at dating. "I don't…. I don't think I'm ready."

 The blonde pointed a finger at her roommate without turning her eyes away from the TV. "Well don't wait around forever, you'll miss out."

 "Says the woman who hooks up with a different guy almost every other weekend."

 "And I'm not missing out!"

 Kari laughed. Feeling her phone vibrate, she pulled it out of her pocket and checked it to see a new text from Ivar. 

 Ivar: hell no, if we r gng 2 see the Northern Lights thn we're gng 2 Iceland or Norway.

 She smiled at the text, quickly typing in a reply. 

 Kari: fine, we'll add that to the list. Can I please put South Africa back on the list?

 She fiddled with her diamond stud earrings, looking back at their conversation throughout the day. Just looking at all the texts, she bit her lip to try and contain the smile. 

 Ivar had texted her in the late morning, asking her out again. To which she just texted back a one-word answer- "no". Apparently undeterred, he ignored her 'no', saying how he wanted to take her to this popular restaurant. Somehow the conversation spiraled into creating overly outrageous "dates" he would take her on, each one more fantastic than the last, with her encouraging and creating her own ideas. Their texting had lasted all day, and she found herself actually looking forward to his responses. Something she never would have expected, especially after how rudely he hung up on her the prior day. 

 So far her favorite "date" involved him renting out the entire Roman Colosseum in Rome and having a candlelight dinner in the middle of the arena. The most amusing one was when she suggested they go skydiving. He shut down that idea saying they would have to be strapped to instructors and the only man she should ever be strapped to was him. 

 Her phone vibrated in her hand, alerting her to his response. 

 Ivar: u r not swimming w/ sharks 

 She giggled, trying to imagine his facial expression. She actually had no desire to do half of the stuff she suggested but it was funny to get a rise out of him. 

 Kari: African safari?

 "What are you giggling at?" Alana questioned, giving her the side-eye. 

 The smile dropped from her face. "Nothing."

 "That doesn't sound like nothing."

 "Just a funny meme." She deflected, getting to her feet. There was no way she could tell Alana she had been texting Ivar all day. "I'm going to shower."

 As she headed upstairs to her room, her phone vibrated again. 

 Ivar: do u jus luv danger?

 Kari: I'm talking to you, aren't I? 

 She headed to her bathroom, turning the shower on and checking the temperature. In a spur of the moment decision, she tossed in a eucalyptus shower bomb. 

 Just before she jumped in, she looked at her phone one last time to find his response.  

 Ivar: touche, kitten, touche 😘

 *****

 The soothing soundtrack of nature played over the speakers in the yoga studio room. A few women were already in the studio with their yoga mats out, either stretching or quietly conversing as they waited. Depending on the day, the ten am morning class could be busy but typically it averaged about fifteen to twenty women.

 Kari bent over, touching her palms to the floor. Even though she would not be continuously doing the routine along with those in her class, she still liked to be limber and have her muscles warmed up. This was a beginner class, where she spent a good portion of the time either correcting people's forms or showing how to do a certain pose. A few of her coworkers complained about teaching beginner classes since when the participants walked through the door, you never really knew what level they were at. 

 Checking the clock hanging over the door, she saw she had five minutes before her class started. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying the pull of her muscles. The door to the studio room opened but Kari continued to stretch, shifting to a downward facing dog pose, holding it. She could hear some people moving around but she focused on her breathing.  

 "Mmm, I could get used to seeing this."

 The familiar voice behind her, caused Kari to try and whip around in startled surprise, only to end up crashing onto her ass. 

 Above her stood Ivar with a devilish smile. "Hello, kitten." He softly said with smolder that instantly made her flush and a tendril of warmth curl in her belly. Standing there in his jeans and red shirt with his hair pulled back in a man bun, it was unfair how striking he looked. Even the braces over his legs did nothing to deter from his attractiveness. 

 She rose quickly to her feet, wiping her hands over her leggings and peeking at the others in the room. Most were curiously watching their interaction but remained where they were. 

 "What are you doing here?" She hissed, turning her gaze back up to meet his. "How did you find me?"

 He rolled his eyes. "You were wearing a Whole Wellness Yoga Studio shirt when I drove you home last week. Plus, hearing from Gyda that you work here…. You're not that hard to find."

 That made sense, even if she disliked the logic. "Ok, fine. Why are you here though?"

 "I want to take you out tonight."

 "Oh gods." She could not believe what she was hearing. The prior day they had spent most of the day texting and sure it was fun, but her answer had not changed. When he had not text her this morning, she assumed that was the last she had heard from him. Apparently, he decided to ask her out in person instead of over the phone like the past two times. "Ivar… No."

 "Why? You keep saying you can't but never why."

 "It's just…. look, I don't want to date."

 He took a step closer, face inches above hers. His voice dropped low, an underlying current of anger in his tone. Those piercing blue eyes challenged her. "You say that but I don't think that's the real reason. So, until you tell me the truth, your 'no' means fucking nothing. Friends tell each other things, right?"

 "You know, I don't think we should be friends anymore."

 He chuckled, still standing too close for a normal conversation. "Too late. I like you."

 "I'm still not going out with you." She placed her hands on her hips, trying to appear confident, hoping desperately he did not hear the wavering in her voice. 'This was for the best, it was best for both of them' she repeated in her mind. 

 "Fine. I'll wait for you to change your mind." He winked and stepped back. To her horror, she watched as he walked over to the side of the room where she kept her water bottle and light jacket. He grabbed a nearby chair and dragged it over before dropping down with his legs in a manspread, that stupid smirk still on his face. 

 She stomped over to him, whisper-shouting at him. "What are you doing?"

 "I'm waiting."

 "What?"

 "I'm not leaving until you agree to go on a date with me."

 "You can't...no…. Ivar." She whined. 

 "I walked all the way here to see you, even though my legs are quite painful today…. you wouldn't kick a cripple out when they just need to rest, would you?" He asked, eyes widened in mock innocence. One of his hands rubbed at his knee in exaggerated fashion as if to prove the discomfort he was in. 

 She groaned. "I hate you."

 "No, you don't." He gloated, then nodded towards the clock. "It's ten o'clock, it's time to start your class, I believe."

 Without another word, she moved to the front of the room. She refused to play this game. Her answer was 'no' and no matter what he said or did, her answer would not change. The whole time she could feel his rakish gaze on her, reminding her how tight her leggings and purple tank top were. She tried to focus on her class, smiling at the women she recognized and the ones that she assumed was new. "Let's begin. Everyone start in mountain pose. Take deep breaths, let's center ourselves."

 "Kari!" 

 She looked over at the older woman, Ingrid, who called out. The woman was easily one of Kari's favorites, doting upon those who worked at the yoga studio, and becoming the unofficial grandmother of them. Ingrid had been coming to the yoga studio for years but was forced to only take beginner level classes after a bad fall the prior year. She loudly complained about her doctor being an idiot and how she felt fine, but Lydia refused to let her attend any other class than beginner classes until otherwise said by her doctor. 

 "Yes?"

 Ingrid's hazel eyes twinkled with mischief from the front row where she stood. "You planning on introducing that handsome young man you've got over there?"

 "No, we are going to ignore his presence. He's going to be leaving soon." Kari flatly stated with a polite smile.

 "Hi! I'm Ivar!" He announced with a charming smile, his bright blue eyes alluring under the dim lights. Giving a little wave with his fingers, he continued, "I hope my presence doesn't bother all you lovely women, I just came to see my girlfriend and ask her on a date tonight."

 A chorus of "awwwws" filled the room. 

 Kari wanted nothing more than to bang her head against a wall. Or preferably, Ivar's head. She could not believe the audacity of him.

 "Where are you taking her?" One of the newer women asked in a flirty tone, pulling her shoulders back to emphasize her ample chest. 

 Ivar barely glanced at her, keeping his focus on Kari. "It's a surprise. I wanted to do something special."

 "Young man, if I were a few years younger, I would fight Kari here so you could take me on a date." Ingrid said with a laugh. 

 "I would be honored to take a lovely woman like you on a date." He sent a playful wink to Ingrid. 

 "Alright, let's get back to yoga." Kari tried to redirect the attention. Annoyed and upset did not even begin to describe how she felt. 

 "Well it was lovely to meet you, young man. Kari should have told us her boyfriend was so handsome. We might have convinced her to bring you in sooner for some eye candy." Ingrid teased. 

 "He's not my boyfriend." Kari retorted, shooting a glare at the smug raven-haired man. 

 "And that is why I'm trying to take her on a date." He placed a hand dramatically over his heart, eyes staring at her beseechingly. "Just for her to give me a chance."

 "Get her some tulips. Those are her favorite flowers." Karina called out from the back of the room. 

 "Can't go wrong with chocolate!"

 "Oh! Read her a sonnet and dance under the stars together!"

 "This is so romantic…. like something out of a movie." Someone loudly whispered, making a few others laugh. 

 Kari dropped her chin to her chest. Tears welled in her eyes. She knew those in the class meant well, that they were really just trying to help. But they were helping the wrong person. Why would Ivar not leave her alone? She told him 'no' multiple times, that should have been enough. Her tolerance for his behavior was waning rapidly and honesty she was not sure if she would fight back…. or surrender. 

 The chair scratched faintly on the floor followed by his footsteps landing audibly as he crossed the room to reach her. She refused to lift her head, her eyes squeezed shut. Not just to pretend she could not feel him standing so close to her, but to try and hide the single tear that rolled down her cheek. 

 "Kari." He whispered, the sound a caress of her name. 

 Still she did not move. 

 Gently, he tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him. His thumb wiped away the evidence of her tear. It was those captivating eyes, the ones that could both scorch everything in view but also send flames of desire dancing across her skin, that met hers. To her surprise, there was a softness in his gaze, a vulnerability, that was reminiscent of the few times they were alone. As if with just her, for a brief moment, he let his guard down and she could glimpse the real Ivar. 

 "Go out with me." He murmured faintly, stroking her cheek with his thumb. Standing in front of her, his broad back to the class gave them a semblance of privacy. "Please."

 "Why can't you let this go?" She begged quietly, staring up at him. 

 "I told you, I'm persistent." He smiled, almost shyly. 

 In his words, it felt like there was such a depth to them she was unaware of. That he was confessing something to her in which she did not have the key to fully understand. 

 She sighed softly, closing her eyes for a moment before looking at him again. "Fine. I'll go…. But it's only as friends, ok? This isn't…. Romantic. Just…. Just friends."

 "Sure, just friends." He leaned forward and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to her cheek. "I'll pick you up at seven."

 She nodded, feeling torn apart inside. 

 After a lingering look that breathed a flame into her belly, he spun on his heel to face the women. "She said yes!"

 A few cheers and clapping reverberated in the small yoga studio room. 

 "I graciously thank you all for your sound advice and encouragement with helping me to woo the beautiful Kari. Wish me luck as I plan to thoroughly spoil her tonight." Ivar dramatically bowed, shooting a quick wink at Kari as she watched him. 

 She desperately tried to fight the small smile off her lips. No one could say that Ivar was not charming or charismatic when it suited him. 

 As he finally made his way to the door, he turned around just before pushing it open. "Wear something nice." He said, pointing a finger at Kari and then walked out like a dream where one cannot decide if it was a nightmare or not. 

 The brunette ran a hand down her face before shoving aside her emotions and plastering a customer smile on. "I'm so sorry about all of this. Let's get back to it. I promise it won't happen again, ladies."

 "Kari, dear, you have fun with that boy tonight." Ingrid spoke up, eyes darting to the now closed door and back to the yoga instructor. "And if you don't want him, let me know. I'd still jump on him in a heartbeat. That boy has the prettiest eyes, I swear."

 A few sounds of agreement echoed in the room. 

 Kari could not stop her smile from turning genuine at Ingrid. No matter the situation, the feisty, older woman always knew how to make her laugh. "I promise I'll let you know. Now, back to mountain pose please."

 Silently, she hoped tonight was not a mistake.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch45: He Started It

Intro: Katie and Steve adapt to being the parents of a new baby as 2020 ticks by in a whirl of dirty diapers, sleepless nights…and a very childish war between Steve and Tony.  

Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut! (NSFW) No under 18s.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: Yeah, I love this chapter. I hope you all do too. And thank @angrybirdcr​ for the edit. It made me laugh, a lot.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 44

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

 May 2020

Katie heard a set of keys being dropped onto the table in the hallway and looked up as Steve opened the door to the living room, crossing the floor, Lucky following him before promptly dropping on the rug in front of the fire place, clearly pooped after his walk.

“Hi.” Steve smiled, sinking to one knee and pressing a kiss to her cheek as he reached out a careful finger, gently tracing the curve of Jamie’s busily working cheeks. “Somebody’s hungry.”

“Somebody takes after his father in that respect,” Katie retorted glancing up at him as he gently loosened another button on his plaid shirt, rubbing his hand over his clean shaven face.

“I feel like I should be apologising.” Steve smiled as his lips pressed onto hers and she gave him a proper kiss. He pulled back, grinning as he looked down at the tiny hand that gripped his finger solidly, lost in his thoughts.

Only the previous month the new dad had been in the throes of a sudden crisis of confidence post one of Jamie’s check-ups. Though Jamie was as healthy as a baby could possibly be, he was still on the small side. Bigger than he was when he was born but still tiny. The Paediatrician advised it was nothing to worry about, and that it was likely to be something to do with Steve’s body chemistry and who he was before the serum. Steve had been none too thrilled and had blurted out to Katie later on that he felt like he had let their son down.

“You could never let our boy down, ever.” She said, as they both lay on the bed, Steve’s feet planted firmly on the top of the duvet, legs bent with Jamie resting back against his thighs, both his hands curled round Steve’s fingers. “He’s perfectly fine and healthy, love. If he grows up a little small, so what?”

“I just want more for him, more than I was you know.” Steve swallowed, his eyes misting over.

“Hey, look at me.” Katie reached up and turned his head to face her. “You have always had the biggest heart, regardless of what you think. The serum isn’t you, you’re you, and if Jamie grows up to be half the man his daddy is I’ll be so proud”

The fact that right now Jamie seemed to have an exceptionally strong grip for a twelve week old baby made Steve slightly more confident that maybe he had inherited some of the positive effects of the serum after all.

“What time do we need to be at Tony’s?” Steve eventually asked, tearing his eyes off his son to look at his wife.

“Pepper says to get there any time from four so we can collect Emmy from school and go straight up.”

“Sounds good. Do you wanna stay or come home?” Steve asked.

“Rather be at home.” She answered, honestly. “Just easier whilst he’s so young. If he starts screaming the house down at least we’re here.” “Whatever you want, Doll.” he smiled, and at that point his attention was taken once more by baby Rogers who had finally finished his meal, milky mouth opening into a small yawn.  Katie handed him over to Steve and did up the shirt that she was wearing, as Steve stood up, adjusted a soft cloth over his shoulder and held him tenderly to his front, gently patting his back.

“Baby, you look exhausted” He glanced down at Katie as she yawned.

“Thanks.” She grumbled, shooting him a glare.

He chuckled “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah well I probably do look like shit.” she sighed “Neither of us got much sleep did we?”

They’d had a rough night the night before. Since they’d brought Jamie home, Steve and Katie had both shared the night feeds following advice from various people to spread the load so to speak. The problem is, for some reason, Jamie hadn’t settled at all post feeding and in attempt to let Katie get some rest, Steve had brought him downstairs but it hadn’t worked as she was unable to sleep as the sounds of his cries made her heart ache.

“Why don’t you go get your head down for a bit?” Steve suggested, as his large hand rubbed at their son’s back. Before Katie could reply, Jamie promptly spit up down the front of Steve’s T-Shirt, missing the cloth completely.

“Nice shot, son.” Steve rolled his eyes and Katie laughed standing up to mop him off. Jamie seemed utterly nonplussed by his activities and his large blue eyes blinked heavily before closing. Steve brushed a soft kiss across his son’s forehead and then looked at his wife again.

“Go, get some sleep. And that’s not a request, I’ll wake you in a few hours.”

“Bossy bastard”

Steve arched an eyebrow at her “I’m not bossy, I just can’t deal with Tony’s tantrum if his baby sister falls asleep at his 50th party.”

“Good point, well made.” Katie conceded. She leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek before heading back out of the room.

Steve watched her go, a frown playing across his face. She’d been really quiet over the last few weeks. Life with a baby wasn’t easy, it was full of hard work, sleepless nights, puke, poop…but every time he saw his son it all paled into insignificance for him, as he was worth it. Maybe his wife was struggling a little, as despite her joke before, Jamie sure did feed a hell of a lot. At their last appointment it had been suggested that maybe they tried introducing formula as well to help fill him up which was what they had started to do overnight and he had been hoping that it would it make things a little better for her as he could do the night feeds and allow her to sleep.

Last night had been the worst one they’d had in the twelve weeks since his birth but that aside, there were other things Steve had already noticed too the main one being she wasn’t as affectionate towards him as she had been. The other night for instance he’d tried to instigate a little bit of something because frankly after months of giving himself a jerking off once every so often when he felt like his balls were explode, and he missed her. He missed how she felt under him, over him, next to him…any which way she was. But, he knew he had to be patient, her body had been through a lot after all. He’d wondered at first if it could be post-partum depression but none of the other signs he had read up on were there so he was putting it down to tiredness and hormones.

He couldn’t help with the latter, but he could sure as hell try and make sure she slept. And he could apologise for being impatient as well.

Once Jamie had dropped off to sleep, Steve placed him in his basket and headed into the kitchen. There were a few dishes and what not from breakfast so he sorted that out, wiped the surfaces to save Katie a job and then settled down in front of the TV. It wasn’t long before he was himself asleep.

***** Katie wanted to cry. Nothing in her fucking closet fit, well nothing that didn’t make her look huge. She’d settled for a navy blue strapless maxi dress which flared out from her waist so wasn’t clingy. The large pink and white flower patterns also flattered her as much as she could but she wasn’t happy.

You’ve just had a baby, let’s be real… she thought to herself, before she grabbed a pair of strappy sandals and a denim jacket, hastily wiping her eyes. Fuck it, she was going to be amongst friends, as if they cared what she looked like. She stepped back into the main part of the bedroom, where Steve was pulling on a dark green polo-shirt. She looked at him for a moment, simply admiring him, and found herself rather jealous that his physique hadn’t changed since having a baby. He had no stretch marks, no two inch increase to his hips, belly and fuck knows what to his boobs.

Bastard.

Steve’s head emerged from his shirt and he looked at his wife, watching as she moved to sit at the dresser to pull her hair back into a loose braid. He passed her, his hands dropping to her shoulders as he stopped to give her bare skin a soft kiss.

“You look beautiful.”

“Sure.” The sarcastic response and the eye roll happened before she could stop them, and she hoped he hadn’t noticed but of course, he had. Steve frowned. “You do.”

She sighed and looked down slightly and Steve didn’t like this, not one bit. Moving so that he was by her side he gently placed a hand on her knee and knelt down next to her, and she glanced at him as he looked up from his spot on the carpet. “Honey, please don’t fly off the handle at me, but are you okay? This isn’t like you and I’m kinda getting worried a little.” “Hormones.” Katie sighed, rubbing at her eyes slightly. “And lack of sleep. That’s all.”

“So it’s not something I’ve done. Or not done?”

“No, baby, it isn’t, I promise.” She gave him a little smile, reaching out to brush her hand down his cheek.

“Alright, as long as you’re sure.” He licked his lips slightly before he took a deep breath “And I’m sorry if last night you thought I was rushing you or putting pressure on you.” He licked his lips. “I didn’t mean to. At all.”

Katie looked at him and suddenly felt awful. He hadn’t done anything of the sort. He’d been nothing but patient and loving with her since Jamie had been born.

“Steve.” she shook her head, “That’s not…” she sighed again and pinched the bridge of her nose “You didn’t. Honestly. It’s me…I-“

She swallowed and looked down at her hands and when she looked back at him, it was his turn to sigh as he saw the tears brimming in her eyes.

“Honey, please talk to me.” He begged, both his hands now on her knees as he knelt up slightly.

“I just…” the tears trickled down her face and Steve took a deep breath as she looked at him. “I know you say I look beautiful but I don’t feel it, not at the moment. I don’t feel like me. I look different, none of my stuff fits now, I feel huge and fat and…” “Okay, okay, stop.” Steve instructed sternly but not unkindly. He wanted to tell her she was being ridiculous, as frankly he loved the changes to her body. There was a new curve to her hips, her body was softer, her face slightly rounder. She wasn’t fat either, but Steve understood straight away that the problem was she was used to her figure before-hand, washboard stomach, trim legs and thighs all courtesy of a physical job and Avenger Training. And as Steve knew only too well, sudden changes to yourself could be hard to deal with.“You had a baby three months ago.”

“I know but since when did a baby mean my ass had to treble in size, or my hips, or my boobs…” she trailed off.

Steve took a deep breath, and then suddenly something popped into his head, something that hopefully could make her understand and see why none of that shit, even if it was true would matter to him in the slightest.

“If I woke up tomorrow, and the serum was gone, and I was back to being that 5ft 4, ninety-five pound scrawny guy from Brooklyn would you love me any less?” “No, of course not!” She scoffed, indignantly. “But that’s not the same!” “Why not?” “Because this is about how I feel.” she said

“Yeah, and I still feel like that kid that was getting his ass kicked all the time.” Steve implored, searching her face. “As you keep saying, the serum didn’t change who I am.” “And that’s why I love you.” She frowned.

“Exactly. So what makes you think I could possibly love you any less now because your hips or your ass or your boobs are bigger, which for the record, I’m kinda on board with.” “Jerk.” She mumbled, sniffing slightly and he smiled.

“Frankly,” Steve looked up at her, his eyes heavy, “I still find you the most beautiful woman on the planet. And you’re my wife, who gave birth to my baby boy.”

She cocked her head to the side and he saw a smile flicker on her face. “Say it.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What?” “You know what.” “You’re my baby momma.” He grinned with a low voice and it made her smile as she bit her lip. He took a deep breath and reached out with his hand to cup her face. “I love you.” “I love you too.” She replied gently, and she leaned down to press her lips onto his, the kiss growing quickly heated as she slid her hands into his hair, her nails raking down his neck causing him to groan.

“Seriously,” Steve pulled back, looking at her, “you’re gonna have to stop that because if start I aint gonna be able to stop and we’ll be late picking Emmy up.”

Katie looked at her husband, his blue eyes shining with mischief and she was both surprised, pleased and a little relieved to feel that familiar tingle between her legs that she hadn’t felt for ages. Glancing at the clock she realised she was right so she sighed and turned back to the mirror.

“Hold that thought, Soldier.” she looked at him in her reflection as he stood up and smiled, dropping a kiss to the crook of her shoulder and neck, and this time she didn’t push him away.

***** Tony Stark had always been known for his parties. Anyone who’s anyone would attend the raucous events filled with memorable moments. In contrast, the small gathering that was now sat on the table outside the lake-house was much more subdued. This was their first social gathering really since the snap and although various faces were missing, every single person sat there would have been happy to tell anyone who asked that it was enjoyable.

Thor, who hadn’t seen Jamie since a week after he was born was astounded at how fast the boy had grown, commenting that he was remarkably like his father, but with his mother’s nose. Their baby was, in turn, fascinated by the God, pulling on his beard at every chance he got. Steve kept apologising profoundly, but Thor wasn’t in the slightest bit bothered, if anything he seemed to enjoy it. He entertained the little boy for quite some time, which gave Katie chance to relax. Relax enough to quietly, although not that quiet so that Steve couldn’t overhear her, ask Pepper if she would be okay to have a glass of wine whilst still feeding Jamie. Pepper had smiled and simply told the younger woman that one glass wasn’t going to hurt, especially if she wasn’t going to be nursing until the morning and with that she’d poured a large one and slid it over to Katie across the kitchen counter. She’d hesitated for a moment and Steve had leant over closer to her, his finger-tips gently stroking her bare neck and shoulders.

“Doll, we have enough bottles made up, if you want to drink, it’ll be fine.”

With that she’d smiled at him, picked up her glass and headed back outside. He’d followed and as she’d gone to sit back down at the table had pulled her chair out for her, force of habit as always, only this time when she’d sat down and he’d leant forward to place a soft kiss on her cheek she’d turned towards him and gently rubbed her nose against his.

“Thank you.” She smiled softly, and it didn’t take Steve longer than a second to figure out she wasn’t talking about his display of chivalry over the chair.

“Gross.”

Katie looked up to see Emmy was sat next to Tony as the pair of them stuck their fingers in their mouths, miming being sick before they cackled and shared a hi-five.

“One day you’re gonna grow up.” Katie looked at her brother over her wine glass.

“Hmmmn, not so sure.” Pepper said, dropping down in the chair next to him, Morgan in her arms. “Think this little one will do that before him.”

“Erm, you can’t insult me, it’s my birthday.” Tony shot, looking round.

“He’s right, they’re the rules.” Emmy nodded, earning herself a fist bump from her Uncle.

“Cheers kid.” He smiled, and Katie rolled her eyes.

“I wouldn’t worry, Kiddo, she’s thirteen this year right?” Rhodey leaned forward for his drink. “Soon be way ahead of his mental age.”

The table giggled and at that Tony pouted and announced it was time to fire up the grill for the food.

For the rest of the evening, Jamie spent most of the time being passed around the table for cuddles from his extended family. And Tony even took on a nappy change to give Steve and Katie the chance to continue eating as Jamie chose the most inopportune moment to kick up a fuss about needing one.

It wasn’t until they later that night that they realised there was an ulterior motive for his helpfulness.

Steve was busy making sure Emmy was tucked in for the night, the eleven year old having slept most of the 45 minute drive back home, whilst Katie was getting Jamie ready for bed, trying not to wake him. She removed his little dungarees and t-shirt to reveal a small vest underneath and as she looked at it she felt the laughter bubble in her chest and she couldn’t stop no matter how hard she tried.

“What are you-“ Steve stopped and gazed down at his son, his eyes widening. Katie had tears pouring down her face as she glanced down at the small white garment which bore two simple words and a symbol; ‘Uncle > Dad’

Katie wiped the tears of laughter out of her eyes as she gently undid the buttons along the shoulders of the vest and carefully slid it over Jamie’s head.

“You’re bother is an asshole.” Steve looked at his wife, grabbing the vest and tossing it across the room in a display of annoyance.

Katie rolled her eyes, smirking as she picked up their baby and gently placed him in the crib at the side of their bed. Steve wrapped an arm round his wife’s waist as she smoothed down the blanket and they both peered down at their son before he kissed the side of her head. She turned her face and captured his lips, the kiss deepening slightly as Steve pulled her to him, his hands strong at the base of her spine. Playfully he slid his hands down to cup her ass and she smirked into the kiss.

“Hands, Rogers.” She teased and he shrugged.

“I told you…” his lips brushed hers, “I like your ass.” “I like your face.” She pulled back, causing him to laugh and look down at her.

“My face?”

“Yeah, your big, stupid, handsome face.” She muttered, pulling him back down to her. In between the dizzying kisses, Steve steered her towards the bed, and as her legs collided with the edge he stopped to gently trail his lips across her bare collar bone. With soft hands, he undid the zip on her dress and he felt Katie hesitate slightly. Steve paused for a second, before his lips found her jaw and then she relaxed, allowing her dress to pool by her feet. Steve groaned and followed it down, dropping to his knees, his hands gripping at the back of both her thighs. His mouth gently licked the inside of her knee, making its way up her leg and Katie let out a shaky whisper of his name, her hands tangling into his hair as he moved his affections upwards slightly, skimming his nose across the waistband of her underwear, over her soft stomach. This time her gentle whisper became a loud groan which she stifled with her hand as he pressed his nose into her arousal, and she felt her knees tremble slightly.

“You okay?” He asked quietly, peeking up at her. She nodded and with a wicked quirk of his eyebrow, he stood up, fast, hand still on her thighs so she went with him and he pitched them forward onto the bed. Then it was a scramble to get out of his clothes as fast as he could before he fell forwards again, back on top of his wife, his hands pulling down her underwear, lips kissing at the spot just below her ear.

Katie was utterly lost now, lost in the sensations she hadn’t felt in so long and she tilted her head back, sighing softly as he continued to nibble at her neck, settling himself above her. His fingers gently dropped between her legs and he felt her slick against the tips as he gently coaxed at her clit, continuing until she was nothing short of a writhing mess clawing at his back, aching for him. They locked eyes as he took her left hand in his, and slowly worked into her, both moaning simultaneously at the sensation, Katie’s eyes rolling back at the stretch. Steve began to move his hips slowly, displaying nothing but absolute tenderness in his thrusts which weren’t measured in the slightest. His free hand kept hold of Katie’s hip, keeping her as close as she could possibly be. 

A gentle breeze from the night air which blew through the slightly open window ruffled his hair and Katie wound her right hand into it, pulling him down to kiss her again as he kept his lazy thrusts aimed perfectly on her spot. Given that it had been over three months since their last time, it didn’t take them long at all before their releases were creeping to the forefront. Steve’s senses were on fire, and he broke the long, lazy kiss that they were sharing to stifle a moan against his wife’s cheek when he felt her clench around him. The sheets rustled underneath and around them both as their pace continued slow and languid until the very end when Steve saw his wife’s head tip back, her throat bared to him in utter bliss as she came hard, her moans soft and breathy. Steve gave a low grunt which morphed into a gasp as he clung to his wife as he spilled himself into her, his hips slowing to a stop as he collapsed forward. Katie gave a soft chuckle as her hands gently slid up his back and into his hair, as she moved and pressed a soft kiss to his head. 

“You’re gorgeous.” His voice was muffled as his face pressed into her neck, and she felt herself flush and grin before he moved to look at her, catching her mouth in a sweet kiss.

******

July 2020

“What are you two up to?” Katie asked as she walked into the kitchen to see Steve and Emmy looking at the laptop one morning just as Steve handed Emmy his card.

“Buying something.” Steve replied.

“What?” “You’ll see.” Emmy glanced up. “In time.” Katie rolled her eyes, she had a horrible feeling this was to do with Steve’s return shot after the whole vest thing Tony had pulled just over a month or so back.

And she was right.

On Steve’s birthday, the perfect revenge was taken when the Rogers’ hosted a gathering, similar to the one Tony had held.

There was plenty of Asgardian mead shared between Thor and the Super Soldier. They got louder as the night went on, Thor telling him about another brew he had on the go and inviting him to New Asgard to be part of the testing panel. Katie wasn’t completely sure that was a good idea, but she couldn’t help but admit that pissed Steve was one of her favourite Steve’s, and she enjoyed watching him cut loose once in a while.

At one point, Steve took the boys and Natasha to see his recently furnished ‘man cave’ which was basically the cabin next to the pool house, which now held a couch, a TV, stereo and his art supplies along with a desk. They men spent a while looking at his latest project which was a pencil sketch of Emmy and Jamie sat on the lawn before returning to the group, topping up their drinks.

Natasha, Tony, Pepper and Morgan were staying that night, and when it started to get late and the thirteen month old was dropping asleep, Pepper took her into the spare room they were sleeping in, emerging with the highest tech baby monitor available, of course, which linked directly to FRIDAY. About an hour or so later, Katie saw Steve and Emmy disappear inside, the pair of them whispering.  She watched them go and when they came back about five minutes later, Steve simply raised his eyebrows at her, grinning. 

Later that night when, after Morgan had been making some soft noises, Tony went to check on her and the five of them who were left heard his exclamation on the baby monitor.

“son of a-“  

His mumblings were followed by a loud fit of laughing and Pepper frowned. Steve and Emmy exchanged a look of glee and soon Tony emerged back onto the patio area of their garden, Morgan balanced on his hip, the dark haired tot wearing a bright blue Captain America hat. Steve reached over to hi-five Emmy as he raised his glass to Tony, giving him a slightly tipsy smirk.

“Now we’re even.”

“Oh if you think I’m leaving it there, Spangles, you’re very much mistaken.” Tony sat down with Morgan on his lap. “Just you wait.” And wait they did.

*****

October 2020

Steve walked in the door to a barrage of noise. Lucky was flopped out on the floor in the hall and simply gave Steve a look which he was convinced was the equivalent of an eye roll and he knew why, Jamie was screaming blue murder.

 He was teething.

“Hey, Sweetheart.” Steve smiled, dropping a kiss to Katie’s cheek before he gently laid his hand on the back of his son’s head. His cheeks were flushed from the teething and his little face was stained with tears.

“I don’t know what to do!” Katie looked up at Steve, utterly lost. “He’s been like this all day. I feel useless Steve, nothing I do helps, and the more he cries, the shittier I feel because he’s in pain!”

“Let me take him for a while.” Steve offered. “You should be getting ready to go out.” She pulled a face, and Steve frowned. She had been invited on her first night ‘out’ since having Jamie, with Brooke’s mum Jennifer and a few other mom’s from the school. Well, it wasn’t strictly out, it was a few drinks and snacks at the coffee bar for one of the lady’s birthday but still, it was a chance to let her hair down and she had been looking forward to it. 

“I don’t know if I can go, not with him like this.”  “Yes you can.” Steve looked at her as she gently bounced Jamie in her arms.

“But you have Emmy and Brooke to watch as well, it’s her birthday weekend and-” Steve snorted. “They’ll be in the den in sleeping bags watching movies and eating crap all night. As long as I provide them with pizza and a constant supply of popcorn I won’t see them. Come on, give him here.” He gestured with his hands and Katie passed Jamie over, and instantly the baby looked up at his dad and broke into a teary smile.

“Oh, that’s just fucking typical.” Katie threw her hands out to the side. “I sit here all day, you walk in and after five minutes he stops.” Steve laughed and looked at her, as she scowled. “I’m sure he’ll start again soon. Now go and get ready. Go on.”

With a last look at them both she headed out into the hallway and up for a shower. When she came back down an hour or so later, having taken her time just because she could, she found Steve in the kitchen making himself a coffee whilst Jamie sat in the highchair, chewing on a frozen teething ring. He grinned up at his momma who dropped a kiss to his head, all tears and tantrums forgotten, and Steve turned to look at his wife, a smile crossing his face.

She looked knock out in a simple pair of tight jeans, a white silk vest top and black blazer with three quarter length sleeves. She’d bought the outfit especially, after finally getting down to a size she felt comfortable at thanks to stepping her training back up making use of the pool and their gym. She had changed shape, there was no getting away from that, and Steve doubted that any amount of training she did would take her back to her SHIELD Agent size, which he didn’t give the slightest shit about anyway, but what was important was that she didn’t seem to care anymore. Her stomach was more or less flat again, even if it was a little softer than before, but her hips were bigger, giving her more of a curve, which Steve loved, grabbing her ass every chance he could do. There was also the added perk that, even though she was down to one feed a day with Jamie being on solids, her boobs hadn’t shrunk much, remaining two cup sizes bigger than they had been. Another thing Steve found pretty damned fine about his wife’s post-baby figure.

But, what he loved the most though was that she was comfortable with herself and it showed tonight as she grinned up at him and gave him a twirl. He aimed a playful swat at her ass before he pulled her close and dropped a kiss to her lips.

“You look great.” He smiled and she blushed, giving him a kiss back before they heard he door open and voices echo in the hall.

“Get a room.” Emmy said as her and Brooke emerged into the kitchen. Steve arched an eyebrow and made a meal of pulling his wife closer as Brooke whooped and Jennifer, who had come to drop the girls off and pick Katie up gave a wolf whistle. Katie laughed and stepped back, shooting Steve a look that almost had him hard right there as he knew full well it meant he was in for a good night when she got back.

Emmy opened the fridge, and Steve looked at her. “Yeah there’s nothing in there, we’re getting pizza.” “Sweeeeeeet.” Emmy grinned, exchanging a hi-five with Brooke, handing her a soda.

“No wonder she likes coming here so much!” Jennifer laughed again as the two girls headed back into the hall.

Steve smiled and leaned back against the counter. “Yeah, well, Katie’s the cook, not me.”

“Don’t listen to him.” Katie rolled her eyes, picking up her phone and dropping it into her purse “He can cook most things fine, he just can’t be bothered.”

“Don’t blame him, it’s Friday.” Jennifer laughed, as Katie dropped a kiss to Jamie’s head again before she turned to Steve.

“Don’t wait up.” She winked, and he rolled his eyes, giving her a look, because he knew full well he would.  

*****

At the end of the month Emmy turned twelve and was overjoyed with the new bike, clothes and phone she got, but was most overcome with the party Steve and Katie let her have in the pool house, the parents supervising six other pre-teens from afar as they splashed about in the water before Katie fed them all burgers, mac and cheese, and enough sugar to keep them wired for a weekend. Emmy had cried again later that night, never having had a proper birthday party before and thanking them so much it made the pair of them tear up slightly too.

The start of November brought the time they’d been equally looking forward to and dreading- Jamie started crawling. And he was fast, possessing Ninja skills Natasha was extremely proud of. Steve and Katie, aided by Emmy seemed to spend all their time running after him and poor Lucky was the target of his affections as Jamie loved pulling his fur or ears. In an attempt to give Lucky some peace and to prevent any mishaps, Steve erected baby gates all over the house which were small enough for Lucky to leap over if he needed a fast escape, but they confined their little Carpet Terrorist to the room he was in.  Naturally, Jamie hated them, and would sit and scream in frustration when he couldn’t follow his parents and sister freely, and Katie couldn’t help but laugh one day as he sat by the gate which separated the living room doorway from the hall, gripping the bars and yelling in objection as she and Emmy headed to the kitchen to make lunch. Steve was stood behind him, arms folded, shaking his head, a huge smile on his face as he chuckled.

“He looks like he’s in jail!” Emmy laughed as Steve swooped him up into his arms, blowing a raspberry on his belly instantly making all the tears vanish, his angry cried replaced by gurgles and giggles.  At that point there was a sharp ringing in the hallway, indicating someone was at the drive entrance. Emmy headed to the screen.

“It’s a delivery driver.” She pressed the button to open the metal gates. Steve followed her into the hall, Jamie still in his arms. Katie continued into the kitchen and was joined a moment later by the three of them, Emmy carrying a small box.

“Who’s it from?” Katie frowned as she pulled the items out of the fridge to make sandwiches.

“No return address.” Steve shrugged, as Emmy pulled open the box. The girl glanced inside and her mouth made a small O as she pulled out the stuffed American Eagle toy that was inside, but then dropped it harshly as it started to sing. There was a pause, as the ‘Star Spangled Man With A Plan’ theme tune blared round the large kitchen from the stuffed animal, and then Katie started to laugh as did Emmy and Steve dropped his head and gave a groan.

With perfect timing, Katie’s phone began to ring and she pulled it from her pocket, grinning as she saw it was Tony.

“Ahhhh you got it!” He laughed, clearly able to hear the noise on the other end of the phone.

“Where on Earth did you find that?” Katie snorted.

“I made it, well, I made the voice box. I told him to wait! Tony Stark 2, Spangles 1”

Of course, Jamie loved his latest present. And every time Steve made an attempt to hide it, he would scream blue murder. Mind you, Steve wasn’t sure what was worse, the constant screaming or the damned song emanating from the fucking toy.

“I really, really hate your brother.” He groaned one evening at the end of November as he was sat on the floor trying to coax Jamie into playing with one of the other hundred toys he had, the infant simply refusing.

“I told you not to start a war.” Katie sniggered.

“I didn’t start anything!” Steve scoffed, indignantly “He started it with that damned vest!”

“Well if you retaliate it’s gonna keep on going, you know what he’s like he’ll…oh my God, Steve!” Katie suddenly changed subject, her mouth dropping open as she watched Jamie who had crawled to the side of the sofa and was now attempting to pull himself up. They both watched in awe as their baby grasped the side of the cushion in his hand and used it as leverage to get to his feet where he stayed for a second or two before his knees gave in and he crashed to the floor with a loud thump, his diaper clad backside hitting the carpet. There was a pause where they both waited for the ensuing scream, but it never came. Instead he gave a loud shriek of laughter and went to try again, Steve recording the second attempt on his phone, all thoughts of revenge and stuffed eagles flew out of his mind as he watched his son hit another milestone.

Jamie had a sudden growth spurt heading into December, meaning he was more than ample size for his age, much to Steve’s relief and delight, and all three of them noticed that he was incessantly chattering and although it was complete gibberish they often found themselves answering back. Emmy was best at this, Steve and Katie one Sunday afternoon hid in the doorway, stifling their laughter as she held a full blown conversation with the nine month old whilst they watched the lion king.

“No that’s Simba.” Emmy responded to a loud screech as she pointed to the screen.

More ineligible babbles.

“Nala, and that’s Zazu.” Another noise, this one a little softer.

“Yeah, he will in a minute. Not for a while though. He’s gotta go to the elephant graveyard first.”

Jamie giggled, gesturing with his arms.

“I know, right?” Emmy rolled her eyes. “Stupid thing to do, should stay on the pride lands.” A string of gibberish escaped Jamie’s mouth and he looked at Emmy with an expression on his face, just like he had said asked her a serious question.

“Well, no, I mean a lion could take them but man, those hyenas are sneaky.” At that, Emmy looked up to see her parents watching from the door and she shrugged.

“He still talks more sense than you.” Steve grinned, earning himself a scowl in response ***** “It’s wonky, Dad.” “No it isn’t!” Steve shook his head, standing back to look at the Christmas tree.

“Yes, it is!” “She’s right.” Katie grinned, where she was sat on the floor, Jamie stood in between her legs, using her fingers which she held out to support himself on his legs, bouncing up and down.

Steve stepped back and gave a groan as he saw it was, indeed, leaning to the right. After a bit of a reshuffle scattering more needles on the floor he finally righted it. Katie watched as father and daughter shared a hi-five before they set about digging the decorations out of the two boxes at their feet. Katie was happy to leave them to it shouting the odd direction and the time came for the star and the big switch on.

“You wanna put it on again Em?” he asked and she nodded eagerly. She took it in her right hand and, despite her being taller and bigger than the year before Steve easily lifted her off the floor, hands on her hips so she could drop the star onto the top of the tree.

“Ready?” she asked once her feet were back on the floor, as she ran to the socket on the floor.

“Hit it!” Katie grinned, standing up and swooping Jamie along with her so he was propped on her hip.

“3-2-1…” Emmy gave a count down before she flipped the lights and the tree came to life. “Awesome!”

She moved over to where Katie was stood and reached up, bopping Jamie on the nose who gave a smile in response. He was fascinated by the lights on the tree, his eyes going wide and he let out a loud noise of approval, reaching both his arms out towards it.

The decorations on the bottom two branches lasted approximately twenty minutes until Steve and Emmy hastily moved everything up out of his reach.

The family spent Christmas Eve afternoon with Tony, Pepper and Morgan (who was now fast into her toddler stage being eighteen months or so old) but their first Christmas together was spent at home, with Natasha joining them. Jamie doted on his Auntie Nat-Nat, a nickname Steve had given her, one she faked disgust at, but they knew she loved it.

They all exchanged gifts, giving Natasha a chunky silver chain bracelet which Katie had spotted as they were shopping not long ago, which made her tear up, and a framed photo of her and Jamie from Jamie, obviously, along with a box of her favourite sweets carefully selected by Emmy.

It wasn’t long before they got a call from Tony.

“I’m gonna kill your husband.” 

Katie frowned. “What…”

“Morgan, she won’t leave the damned toy shield alone.” “What toy shield?” Katie asked. Hearing the exchange Steve looked up, grinning and she locked eyes with him, as he shrugged innocently.

“The toy shield that was in the pile of gifts you bought her, well she’s just thrown it straight at Gerald, the poor animal is traumatised!” Katie let out a sigh, rubbing at her forehead and out of the corner of her eye she saw Natasha, Steve and Emmy share a three-way-hi five, and she couldn’t help but smirk at the sight.

“Tony Stark 2, Spangles 2…” She grinned. “Merry Christmas, Tone.”

It turned out, however, that Natasha wasn’t about to let Steve get away completely, and the solder groaned where he sat with Jamie on his lap as they opened one of Jamie’s last gifts from his god- mother, which was a teddy bear wearing a Captain America shirt and a little plush shield, not unlike the one Steve had won Katie at Cony Island. Nat raised an eyebrow at Steve as Katie choked on her glass of wine but Jamie shrieked as Steve tried to take the bear off him for a closer look, ignoring the hundreds of other toys he was surrounded with.

“Jamie, that’s Cap.” Nat said as she sat on the floor, taking the bear from him and rubbing it gently in his face causing him to shriek with laughter. Steve simply shook his head and handed his son over to her.

“Suppose its better than that damned eagle.” He mumbled as he sat next to his wife who was opening the gift from Natasha to them. Both of them looked down at the photo frame which housed a number of pictures, some of which Katie and Steve didn’t even know existed. They went as far back as the first battle of New York in the shawarma joint, where they were both laughing at something. There was one taken in a bar in DC that Katie could remember, one of them cuddled up on the balcony of the tower, then some taken without their knowledge like a particularly nice one where Kate was sat on Steve’s lap on one of the couches at the tower during one of Tony’s parties. There were a few pages of their extended family as well, including Thor, Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Sam, and right bang in the middle was a photo of Steve, Katie, Emmy and Jamie, taken at Steve’s birthday in the summer.

“Nat,” Katie croaked, “it’s…”

“Fantastic.” Steve smiled, looking at her from where he had settled on the arm of the couch, arm extended along the back.

“Well, I saw the one in the hall and figured you could do with another to go with it.” Nat smiled, shrugging their thanks off as she referenced the large frame that Katie had made for Steve all those years ago.

Their newest photo collection was hung by the side of the already existing one the very next morning.

Everyone had warned both the new parents that time would fly by, and as they welcomed New Years in, this time as a five with Natasha, sitting in the garden all wrapped in blankets round the fire pit, both Katie and Steve realised that nothing else could be more truthful. As the fireworks erupted across the Brooklyn and Manhattan skyline, calling time on 2020, and Jamie’s first nine months of being alive Steve pulled his wife closer and she turned to face him.

“Happy new year, Soldier.” she whispered.

“Happy new year, Baby.” he replied softly, dropping a kiss to her lips.

**** Chapter 46

 **Original Posting**