#World’s most expensive mushrooms

[reilemon]

♥︎Amore Immortale♥︎ Ch. 1

♡︎ synopsis: A simple foraging trip takes an unexpected turn when you wake up in a mansion hidden deep in the forest. Now four captivating men are nursing you back to health, but their intentions—and identities—are a mystery.

♡︎ pairing: vampire!Xavier, vampire!Zayne, vampire!Rafayel, vampire!Sylus x fem!reader (separately and together)

♡︎ cw: depictions of head injury and fever

♡︎ tags: vampire au, slow burn (-ish), eventual romance, eventual smut, eventual polyamory

♡︎ word count: 4.3k

♡︎ a/n: the first chapter of the sixth and final story for kinktober 2024. I wanted to finish off kinktober with a gang bang, but I got carried away and now this is going to be a multi chapter story. I hope you'll like this one.

♡︎ Thanks to my dearest friend and beta reader ♡︎@its-de♡︎ for helping.

divider by @cafekitsune

"Poor little bunny." The blue eyed man coos as he find the source of the sudden loud noise - you. The clumsy human probably slipped and fell when the sky opened and heavy rainfall started. He carefully scoops you in his arms, with your head resting on his shoulder.

A small whine barely hits his ears and he catches the moment you briefly gain consciousness. He softly chuckles when he hears your silly question before passing out again. He ignores how a little of your blood is mixing with the rain on the fabric of his coat and starts walking away.

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

Your eyes flutter open, heavy and bleary. You adjust slowly to the dimness around you, the fireplace in front of your bed the only source of light. The ceiling looms high - a ceiling you don’t recognize. The walls are covered in wallpaper, worn and peeling in places. You don’t recognize that wallpaper either. The royal purple catches the dim firelight, a color you could never possibly afford.

You shift against the bed beneath you, the silk sheets cool and smooth against your skin. Over you is a heavy wool blanket, its weight like a comforting presence. A low groan escapes your lips as you rise and rest on your elbow. The room is beautiful, with expensive furniture, but there is this dormant energy to it.

You glance at the thick velvet curtains covering the window. The sliver peeking in the corner shows you a glimpse of the outside world. It’s nighttime, the downpour relentless, drops thrumming against the glass.  

‘The rain!’

You sit up abruptly, a sharp pang of pain zapping through your skull, making you wince and press your fingers to your temple. Your fingers try to rub the pain away as you lean on your other arm to rest. Right, the rain. After closing up the bookstore, you've gone to the forest to search for some mushrooms and sweet chestnuts. A hearty dinner and sweet dessert would be a great start of your two week long vacation. The last visitor commented how their elbow hurt which meant a thunderstorm is coming. You politely smiled and packed up their books. You should've listened to their elbow.

Now, staring around this unfamiliar room, unease twists in your stomach.

‘Where the hell am I?’

Right on cue, the door creaks open, and a tall, raven haired man steps into the room. He pauses in the doorway as his eyes meet yours.

“Hello,” he says, his voice smooth and deep. “How are you feeling?”

You swallow, his presence suddenly making you aware of the mess you must look. Embarrassment prickles your skin, and you rub your temple, trying to compose yourself, only to see his brows knit with concern.

“Um, I’ve been better,” you manage, forcing a chuckle. The grogginess in your voice doesn’t help the embarrassment. You smooth a hand over the blanket, feeling a little exposed. “Why am I here?”

“My friend found you,” he explains, “Out in the forest, just before the storm. You most likely slipped on the mud and hit your head.”

He nods towards your forehead, then reaches for a small, gold hand-mirror resting on the bedside table. The antique metal glints softly as he holds it, and you take it with a hesitant hand. As you lift it to inspect your reflection, you catch a small bruise just above your brow, the skin tender and slightly swollen. Considering the circumstances, you think, it could’ve been much worse.

The man, whose name you still haven’t learned, clears his throat. “I was the one who changed you into dry clothes,” he shifts in his seat, averting his gaze briefly before meeting your eyes again. “For that, I apologize. I wouldn’t have done it if there were any other choice.”

You shake your head with a small, reassuring smile. “It’s fine, really. If you hadn’t, I’d probably be shivering with pneumonia right now.”

His expression softens with relief. “I’m glad you understand. I would still like to listen to your lungs, Would you be comfortable with me examining you?” then he adds, “I’ve been in the medical field for quite some time, I assure you.”

Something about his demeanor, calm and controlled, makes him look trustworthy. And considering how thoroughly he must have tended to you—removing every speck of mud, leaving you dry and warm in a comfortable bed—it’s clear he has your wellbeing in mind. You nod. “Of course.”

He gives a curt nod and shifts closer to the bed. “You don’t need to do much, just sit as comfortably as you can,” he murmurs, the calm, low timbre of his voice steadies you. The shirt you wear—a loose button-up clearly meant for a man—hangs loosely over your shoulders, open at the collar. Suddenly, you feel the pulse of your own heartbeat, wondering if he might hear it already. His hand moves lightly over the fabric, as he leans closer, and then he places his ear gently against your chest, just above your heart.

The moment feels both entirely professional and so intimate. You tell yourself that this is completely normal, this is the usual routine. But he is not your doctor, and you can’t shun the butterflies you feel from having a handsome stranger resting his head on your chest. His hair, thick and dark, grazes your collarbone as he listens, his breath warm against your skin. Your heartbeat, which you’re certain must be thudding wildly beneath his ear, betrays you, a deep flush creeping up your cheeks as you try to steady yourself.

“Breathe in deeply for me,” his voice a soft murmur, his cheek brushing against you.

You comply, feeling his presence with every rise and fall of your chest. When he shifts, his head moves closer to your collarbone, the tickling brush of his hair sending a wave of goosebumps along your chest. You’re conscious of every small movement, every slight intake of his breath.

He shifts back a little, his hand grazing your shoulder as he adjusts to press his ear against your back. “One more time,” his tone is still composed, though you’re unsure if you catch a hint of restraint.

You breathe in, slowly, deeply, feeling the warmth of his palm on your shoulder. He holds still for a moment longer, listening intently. Then, he slowly pulls back, settling into his seat with a neutral expression.

“You do have a small fever,” he calmly states. “Although, there are no signs of anything serious.” He offers a faint, almost apologetic smile. “You should lie back down and rest.”

Your cheeks are warm, and not just from the fever. You nod and do as you’re told, sinking under the comforting weight of the blanket. The man briefly explains that you were unconscious for around two hours, and that your clothes are being washed.

You nod again, processing the details. “Thank you… that’s all very considerate of you.”

He offers you a faint smile. “It’s the least we could do.”

He rises from his seat and steps toward the door, his hand resting on the brass knob. “I need to check on my friend in the kitchen. There may be a fire to manage. And I’ll bring you some herbal tea.”

You chuckle. “Well, thank you, Dr…?”

A flicker of amusement lights his eyes as he opens the door, pausing for a moment. “Just call me Zayne.”

You tell him your name in return, and with that, he’s gone with the soft click of the door.

After Zayne leaves, the room slips into an almost eerie quiet. You prop yourself up against the plush pillows, trying to get comfortable despite the persistent ache in your muscles and the dull throb in your head. The room feels larger now that you’re alone. Every detail catches your attention—the thick velvet drapes, the intricate patterns on the worn wallpaper, the faint smell of stale air. You’d get up to investigate the room or try to figure out more about where exactly you are, but your body protests with every small movement. So you have to settle for gazing around the space instead, picking out details you hadn’t noticed before. The furniture is old but well-kept, the kind that belongs in a property far grander than any home you’ve ever been in. This place—it’s not like the humble cottages back in your village. No, this is different. Larger. More isolated. Somewhere far from the familiar streets you walk every day.

A shiver crawls down your spine at the thought of how far away you could be from your home. You’ve never ventured beyond the edge of the forest. You’ve heard stories about the other side. It was always whispered between older folk who’d lived through enough strange events to keep their superstitions alive. Vampires, werewolves, creatures of the night. They’d mention them, always in passing, as though acknowledging them would draw something out of the shadows.

At first, you’d dismissed it. What else could it be but old folklore? Some scary tales to spice up their lives, stories passed down from generation to generation. Something for them to talk about when the nights grew long and dark, to keep the children from misbehaving. Those creatures don’t exist. You were certain of that.

Or, at least, you had been.

You replay the events in your mind, trying to make sense of it all. Zayne said that his friend found you unconscious in the woods. They’d brought you here, tended to your injuries, and kept you warm. His behavior had been nothing but kind, gentlemanly even.

But then, why does your skin prickle as you think of him?

What if he is one of them? The pale complexion, the unnerving quiet, the way he’d moved with such elegant grace. And those eyes... there was something about the way he looked at you. Your pulse quickens. You try to reason with yourself—if this man, Zayne, were a vampire, wouldn’t he have done something by now? You were unconscious and vulnerable. He could have easily taken advantage of that moment, but he hadn’t. He’d taken care of you.

But what if... what if this is all part of some darker plan? You swallow hard, trying to silence the growing paranoia. What if they want to keep you here? What if, right now, they’re simply playing a long game, to coax you to be their little blood doll—

‘Stop.’ You force yourself to take a deep breath, trying to calm your spiraling thoughts. There’s no proof, no reason to believe that Zayne—or anyone else—is anything other than a human.

You glance toward the window. Your body feels like lead at the moment, but tomorrow you will probably be well enough to leave. The storm can’t go on forever.

A sharp knock on the door pulls you from your thoughts.

"Come in," you manage, your voice wavering just a little.

Zayne steps in, balancing a tray of a delicate ceramic tea set. The gentle clink of porcelain against porcelain brings comfort to your senses. Behind him, another figure slips into the room—a man with handsome, soft features. His tousled, blonde-gray hair looks like it would be soft to the touch. And his eyes, though shadowed by the dim lighting, have a dreamy quality, like someone lost in thought.

A faint smell of something burnt drifts into the room, cutting through the soothing scent of the herbal tea. You can’t help but frown a bit at the scent, but neither man acknowledges it. Zayne places the tray on the small bedside table, the teapot steaming. The air feels warmer now, not just from the tea.

The second man steps forward, offering you a polite nod, “Hello.” he says, his voice silky and mellow. “I’m Xavier, the one who found you.”

His soft smile makes your heart stir. It takes you a beat to find your voice to introduce yourself.

“Thank you… for, well, rescuing me,” you say with a shy smile.

Xavier gives a gentle shake of his head, his smile widening. “Why were you so deep into the forest with a storm on the way?” he asks, his tone feels almost like teasing.

You chuckle nervously as you feel the faintest flush of embarrassment creep up your cheeks. “I – Well, I wanted to gather some things for dinner,” you admit. “It’s my first real break from work, and I may have gotten a little too excited.”

His gaze lingers on you for a moment, as if he’s trying to fully take you in.

“You’re lucky he was done fishing at the time.” Zayne adds as he hands you a cup of tea. His fingers brush lightly against yours as you accept it, deepening the flush on your cheeks. You are lucky to be here. Even though you’re sitting in a room with two men who are strangers, they still have cared for you with such tenderness. You could feel their warmth in every gesture, in every word. It’s hard to hold onto fear when faced with such care. Even now, you can feel yourself relaxing, the tension in your shoulders unwinding.

You take a sip of tea slowly, trying to mask the strange tide of emotions flooding through you. You had been so afraid, so convinced of something dark lurking beneath the surface. But now, in this quiet moment, with the warm tea in your hands and their watchful eyes on you, you feel strangely safe.

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

The clock on the mantel ticks softly, the brass hands showing it’s almost 1 a.m. The fire burns low, casting a warm, flickering glow over the room. Your eyelids feel heavy now, the weight of exhaustion settling deep in your bones. You turn onto your side, pulling the duvet tighter, forming a cocoon around you. The warmth, the softness—everything lulls you closer to sleep. But your mind drifts, recalling the conversation with Xavier after he’d brought you dinner.

He’d placed the bed tray gently over your lap, making sure everything was within reach. Before he turned to leave, the sound of your voice stopped him.

“Did you manage to catch anything?” you asked, your voice quiet but curious.

Xavier had looked confused for a moment, then his face lit up with a soft smile. “I did. Fried a few, but Zayne didn’t let me serve it to you.” He chuckled. “Said he didn’t want you choking on a bone.”

You laughed too, the sound easing the leftover tension you’ve been holding. That explained the faint burnt smell that had lingered earlier, and why Zayne had to rush to the kitchen.

“And don’t worry,” he added. “I brought back your basket too. Everything’s intact.”

You were about to thank him, but then an image flashed in your mind—a fleeting memory of him, his hair wet and clinging to his face. The moment felt so vivid, so real, that it stopped you mid-thought. You stared at him, squinting slightly.

“What’s wrong?” His voice softened with concern, his brows furrowing.

You shook your head quickly, flustered for being caught staring. “Nothing… it’s just—did I say something to you?  When you found me?”

Xavier hesitated, his lips twitching as though trying to suppress a grin. He glanced to the side, his hand coming up to cover his mouth, but his eyes gave him away. “Oh no…” you said, feeling the heat rising in your cheeks. “Was it something embarrassing?”

“No,” he replied, though the gleam in his eye said otherwise. “It was cute.” He paused, then looked back to you, “You opened your eyes for a moment, and asked me, ‘Are you my prince?’ Then you passed out again.”

Your heart practically leapt into your throat, your face instantly flushing. “Oh, that’s definitely embarrassing,” you groaned.

Xavier laughed then, his voice soothing. “Don’t worry, I’ve been called worse.”

And just as you wished for the shadows to come alive and swallow you, Zayne entered, saving you from further humiliation. He brought you a bowl filled with ice and a cloth. You thanked both of them, adding that you planned to leave in the morning.

Their faces changed for a heartbeat when you said that, though you didn’t miss it. It wasn’t worry exactly, more like hesitation, as though they weren’t entirely convinced you would be gone by morning. Or perhaps… that they didn’t want you to be.

That thought lingered now, swirling in your mind as your body sank deeper into the mattress. Their kindness, their calmness—they made you feel safe, soothed the fears that had gripped you earlier. Yet, there was something unspoken between the three of you.

A sigh escapes your lips. You can feel sleep creeping over you, warm and heavy, pulling you under. The memory of Xavier’s reassuring smile and Zayne’s attentive gaze lingers in your mind, their faces blurring at the edges as your thoughts dissolve into a haze.

They are both so kind. And so handsome.

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

A low whine escapes your lips before you even open your eyes. The ache in your body is heavy and relentless. Every muscle protests as you shift, but you force your eyelids open. The room is warm, the fire crackling faintly in the hearth. Someone must’ve light it while you were still asleep.

‘I said I’d leave in the morning.’ You glance over at the clock—it’s 11 a.m. That’s not really morning, but it is time for you to leave. If only you felt better.

You wince as you slowly, painfully, push yourself out of bed. Your legs feel weak, your body sluggish, like you’re moving through water. Every movement sends a wave of soreness through your bones, but you grit your teeth and push through. You don’t want to linger here any longer than you have to.

Grumbling under your breath, you stagger toward the door, your feet barely shuffling across the hardwood. You’re still dressed in the warm clothes Zayne gave you, though they feel a little too big now. You’ll just ask for your things and be on your way. You’ll return their clothes once you fully recover.

Goosebumps spread all over your skin as you open the door, the chill air of the hallway shocking your senses. It is completely quiet, only the soft creak of the floorboards under your slippers breaking the silence. More doors sit along the hallway, likely bedrooms as well. You glance at them briefly, but you step towards the staircase ahead. The polished mahogany wood gleams faintly, and you internally groan at the thought of making it down the steps in your current state.

You’re about to take your first step when—

“Hey!”

The voice comes out of nowhere, stopping you in your tracks. You freeze, your heart jumping in your chest as footsteps echo from above, growing louder as they approach. Turning, you find yourself face-to-face with a man descending the stairs. He’s tall and moves with an almost feline grace. His hair is gorgeous - messy curls of muted violet and his eyes, an unusual blend of blue and pink, are sharp and full of curiosity. His plump lips are pulled in an amused smirk.

“Where do you think you’re going?” His voice is teasing, though there’s a touch of disapproval in it. His arms cross over his chest, as he takes in your disheveled state.

You blink at him, still trying to shake off the fog in your head. “I - I need to leave.”

He narrows his eyes, looking you up and down. “You should stay in bed,” he says firmly, stepping closer. “You look like you’re about to collapse.”

He is right, you do feel like you’re about to collapse, yet you can’t help but notice how striking he is. His hair, his eyes, even the way he moves—it’s all captivating. But you force those thoughts away, shaking your head slightly. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

He uncrosses his arms, offering a small smile that’s both charming and a little smug. “Oh, right. I’m Rafayel.” His voice dips slightly, your name falling from his lips. “I’m staying here too. Zayne told me what happened.”

You blink again, taken aback by how easily he says your name. You hadn’t expected to meet another guest in the house. “Rafayel,” you repeat.

He nods, brushing a hand through his unruly curls. “Yeah. I took care of your clothes. They’re drying in my room,” he adds. “It’s still raining, though, so they might take a while.”

At his words, you pause and listen. Sure enough, you hear the soft, steady patter of rain against the windows. You’d been so focused on leaving that you hadn’t even thought to check the weather. ‘Of course it’s still raining.’ You sigh inwardly, frustration and weariness settling in your chest.

“What about Zayne and Xavier?” you ask, hoping to at least get some help from them.

Rafayel smirks, shaking his head. “They’re sleeping.”

You frown. “Sleeping?”

“Yup,” he says with a shrug, almost dismissive.

Your mind races. You know why you are up so late, but why are they still sleeping. Your mind is about to wander to that corner again, but you stop yourself. ‘They must’ve been exhausted from taking care of an injured stranger.’

Still, the unease lingers. Rafayel’s gaze flickers over you, his eyes softening slightly as if sensing your discomfort. “Look,” he says, his voice gentler now, “you really don’t look like you’re in any shape to leave. Why don’t you rest a bit longer?”

You hesitate, your body aching with every breath, the fatigue weighing you down with each second. He’s right. You’re not ready to leave yet.

Rafayel’s eyes hold yours for a moment. “You’re safe here,” he adds softly.

Just as Rafayel is about to steer you back toward the bedroom, another voice cuts through the air, deep and teasing, with a velvety edge that sends a shiver down your spine.

“Is that the lost kitten?”

You look down the stairs, and there he is. The man who appears next makes the very air around you seem heavier. He’s taller than the other men, with strikingly sharp features. His white hair is tousled yet elegant, and his eyes - a deep, mesmerizing wine-red, lock onto yours with an intensity that makes your stomach flutter.

Before you can even react, the man is standing right in front of you, his height towering over you. You can’t help but gawk, unable to stop yourself from tracing every detail of his sharp jawline, the way his lower lip looks so plump and soft.

Rafayel’s voice, sharp with annoyance, snaps you out of the trance. “You know her name, Sylus.”

But Sylus just smirks. He takes your hand, his fingers long and strong, enveloping yours completely. Your breath catches in your throat as the warmth from his touch sends heat rippling through your body. His hand is so much larger than yours, making you feel almost fragile in his grip.

“My name is Sylus. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Your name drips from his lips, and he bends forward and presses a tender kiss to the back of your hand. The sensation of his cool lips against your flushed skin sends tingles across your arm. You can’t help but blush under the attention.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Rafayel roll his eyes, an exasperated sigh leaving his lips. “You’re shameless.” he mutters, though there’s a playful lilt to his voice.

Sylus simply laughs, a low, rich sound, before releasing your hand. With a light touch on your back, Rafayel guides you back toward the bedroom, his hand steady and firm against you. Sylus trails behind, watching with an amused expression.

When you’re back in the bedroom, Rafayel’s hands gently but insistently push you down by the shoulders, guiding you to sit back on the edge of the bed. “Seriously,” you protest, exasperated, “I feel better already! I don’t want to be a burden.”

Sylus leans lazily against the doorframe, his arms crossed, a smirk dancing on his lips as he watches the scene unfold. "You look much too cute to be any kind of burden, kitten," he says, his eyes fixed on you.

Before you can say anything else, Rafayel presses you back into the blankets, his firm but gentle insistence impossible to resist. As you sink back into the bed, Sylus pushes off from the door and approaches with an almost predatory grace. The teasing glint in his eyes fades slightly as he crouches beside the bed, his expression softening as his hand reaches out to press against your forehead. His touch is cool—no wonder, since the rest of the mansion is freezing—and the sensation sends a refreshing chill through your heated skin.

“You still have a fever.” he murmurs, his thumb brushing lightly against your temple.

Rafayel shakes his head, giving you a disapproving look. “See? You’re in no condition to leave. I’ll prepare you tea and breakfast.”

Your protests die on your lips as Sylus pulls away, his touch lingering on your skin. Both men turn around and leave before you can say anything else.

The door shuts softly behind them, leaving you alone once again. You sink deeper into the bed, your body heavy with exhaustion. Your thoughts swirl, still caught in the lingering effect of their presence. You turn on your side, facing the window, staring at the thick velvet curtains that block out the view of raindrops racing down the tall windows. As much as you want to leave, as much as you should leave, you know your body isn’t ready. The fever might not be severe, but it’s enough to weaken you. Slipping away now—especially into the woods with no clear path—feels like a death wish.

A heavy sigh escapes your lips. For now, the best option is to rest and regain your strength. You can’t deny how safe their presence makes you feel, even if you don’t fully understand why. Something about them pulls you in, something more than just their looks.

You close your eyes, letting the exhaustion pull you under.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

twst food culture compilation

Please note: this post does NOT include all food-related lore in TWST (for example, you won’t find a lot of information about individual characters’ food preferences or personal experiences with food here). This post ONLY talks about the food culture, notable locations, cultural dishes, and unique foods of the Twisted Wonderland world at large (ie countries, specific towns and cities, etc).

I did my best to scour for info, but I’ll update if I find anything new or details I missed the first time around.

General and/or Unspecified Location

Icicle mushrooms are one of Twisted Wonderland’s three greatest delicacies. They are extremely rare and expensive.

There is a seasoning called “pure azure salt”, which is said to be rare, even in the Coral Sea.

Twisted Wonderland has a fruit called ruby berries (which taste “like freshly picked strawberries”).

There is frozen mint with a “refreshing profile” that grows in icy mountainous areas.

There exists Walrus-brand oyster sauce. Trey uses this to cook hamburger steak for his younger siblings. He says the oyster sauce provides a "nice savory flavor" with considerable depth. Trey also jokes about adding it to chestnut tarts in book 1.

There are mentions of irl Japanese foods such as konjac and takoyaki, but so far no place of origin in Twisted Wonderland has been sited.

Like in the real world, celebrities like Vil and Neige are used to promote products (including food and drink) in commercials, on social media platforms, etc. For example, in book 5, we see Neige advertising Red Apple Soda and Vil using his Magicam account to promote the apple juice made by Epel's family.

There's a popular dish called "pumpkin carriage stew". The insides of a pumpkin are scooped out and the shell is filled with a creamy stew, which made it difficult to carry over to tables. It would sell out every day at the cafe Ruggie used to work at.

Some restaurants call their spaghetti with meatballs "starry night spaghetti", named after the tale of two dogs who shared a spaghetti kiss under a starry sky. It is said that sharing spaghetti with meatballs with someone outside would lead to true love.

Hunting is sport as well as something done for food.

Crowley goes on vacation “to the South” and reports to enjoy mango and mango-flavored products from there. He also brings back manga tea as a souvenir.

Briar Valley

General

Cotton candy is a classic snack food sold at Briar Valley food stalls. The way it is prepared resembles spinning threads, which is considered a blessed occupation (as there was a period in Briar Valley's history when no one was able to spin thread, so some clever individual tinkered around and made cotton candy instead).

In the battlefield (~400 years ago, during the human-fae war), soldiers would roast rats and lizards to eat if they didn't have rations or other ingredients.

There is little in the way of modern technology and electricity; typically, one would prepare dishes and/or collect ingredients by hand (such as via fishing) or by using magic.

Magic is used to light fires for cooking. There is little risk for fire accidents since magical fires automatically go out when you go to sleep.

Because Briar Valley is located to the north, it can get very chilly. When the snow melts, it turns into very cold freshwater.

According to Lilia, “berries are a must-have, especially at birthdays parties” in Briar Valley. They are famous for its berry juice.

The forest where Silver and Lilia live has strawberries. Silver picks them with his animal companions.

Coral Sea

General

According to Jade, there are no fires in the Coral Sea. Therefore, most of the food consumed is raw.

A month-long land boot camp first established by a mermaid princess that married a human prince teaches merpeople fire safety and how to eat food as part of its curriculum.

It's rare for merfolk to eat anything sweet, as those kinds of foods aren't readily avaliable in the sea.

The Atlantica Memorial Museum has the mermaid princess's "silver hair comb" on display. This, of course, refers to the "dinglehopper"--a common fork. This implies that merpeople (such as the mermaid princess referenced in many stories) fused to be unaware of the eating utensils on land.

Azul's mother owns the "hottest restaurant" in the Coral Sea. It started off as a small place, but has since expanded to have a large staff.

Couples from the Coral Sea frequently request rainbow dessert soup with trident cookies for their weddings. To eat it, you use the trident cookie to stir the sweet sky-blue soup, which then turns the soup into seven colors of the rainbow. This is a dish that is only served for special occasions in the Coral Sea, and it is typically served warm.

Jade says that he was surprised to see that many land dwellers eat their fruit without the peel; this would imply that those from the Coral Sea typically eat their foods with the skin/peel left on, or as-is.

Playful Land Amusement Park

All food and drink are handed out for free.

They serve food in large quantities, such as tuna, entire tart cherry pies (with cinnamon, clove, and crushed nuts in the filling) and a whole peppery roasted chicken. The park encourages consuming in excess.

Other food items being offered include fried tuna fish and sparkling apple juice. The juice comes with an umbrella stuck in the opening to prevent bugs from getting in. You remove it before drinking.

They have ice-cream in many flavors! We see strawberry milk in the related event.

The park had candy and popcorn in “apple core” flavor. Supposedly, this is a taste inspired by the story of the Generous Fox giving a Puppet Boy an apple core instead of a whole apple because “the puppet wished to have a core”.

There is a “Candy Road”, a street lined with shops that have caramel lollipops, chewy candy, marshmallows, cookies, chocolate crunch, and lots of other sugary treats!

Their chocolate crunch has 12 different charms thrown in.

The third most popular souvenir are pasta snacks in the shape of the Friendly Fox and Gentle Cat. The second most popular is a tin of plain cookies in the shape of the Friendly Fox and cocoa cookies in the shape of the Gentle Cat. Finally, the most popular are apple core flavored candies!

Sage's Island

Night Raven College

Pomefiore holds a welcome party for the freshmen, which includes a fancy dinner. Savanaclaw does not hold a welcome party.

Scarabia regularly holds banquets, typically at Kalim's request.

Heartslabyul holds "unbirthday parties" whenever it is a day that does NOT fall on a Heartslabyul student's birthday. Sweets are mandatory at unbirthday parties.

The dorm members of Scarabia and Heartslabyul pitch in to prepare for banquets and unbirthday parties.

Mr. S's Mystery Shop stocks food items, such as candies (which Floyd often buys), tuna cans, and ingredients for baking (this is where Deuce and Yuu pick up things for the chestnut tart in book 1). Sam also sells food items that he seems to have made himself, like the Mystery Drink (which Octavinelle eventually buys the rights to).

The school cafeteria is said to have delicious breads.

Students can use the school kitchens outside of normal serving hours; Ruggie and Jamil sometimes do this, but they also have their own dormitory kitchens to cook.

Once a month, a famous bakery from out of town serves their goods at NRC. Their stock includes items such as chocolate croissants, egg sandwiches, yakisoba bread and cream bread ("cronuts and bear claws"), roast beef sandwiches, red bean buns ("hot dog buns"), and deluxe minced cutlet sandwiches ("deluxe ham and cheese"/"grilled cheese" in the localization). They sell out fast!

The school library includes recipes books. Some recipes include spicy curry soup, red pepper and tomato soup, and garlic pork habanero soup.

Basic school lunches are free to all students, but they must pay for changes or extra items.

The cafeteria at NRC serves food buffet style; the cafeteria is kept warm with magic from fire fairies which are supplied with dry firewood every day. There is also a rotating daily menu.

Master Chef ("Culinary Crucible") is an elective course at NRC that teaches students how to cook. It is meant to curb the expenses related to eating out and to help the boys maintain balanced diets and learn how to take care of themselves. Judges for this course are randomly selected from the students and staff (prior to this methodology, people would bribe the judges for extra credit).

While taking Master Chef, students help with preparing meals in the cafeteria in exchange for part-time pay.

The instructors for Master Chef are ghosts who were professional chefs at five-star restaurants when they were alive. These same ghosts also serve as cafeterias staff. Crowley says it was difficult but worthwhile to recruit them.

There are various locations on campus where the students go to fetch ingredients for Master Chef. This includes an on-campus farm, ranch, windmill... and even the dormitories themselves!

The woods behind the campus have chestnuts, which the main crew collect for an apology tart to Riddle.

The Botanical Garden has some edible plants growing there. These include strawberries, which the Science Club cultivates.

NRC opens its school gates to the local townspeople for a period leading up to Halloween; during this time, they distribute candy and other sweets (such as Sam's waffles, served with jam made from NRC's apples) to guests. There's also a party on Halloween night where lots of food is served.

Mostro Lounge

Octainvelle has the Mostro Lounge, described by Jade as "a meeting place for gentlemen" where fighting between dorms is prohibited. While dining there, students are expected to abide by Octavinelle's rules. It is run by the manager and founder, Azul, who made a deal with the headmaster to get the rights to open the establishment. NRC gets 10% of the revenue the Mostro Lounge makes.

Jade and Floyd partake in some cooking, but Azul does very little cooking. He tends to investigate the competition and market.

Jade uses the weeds and plants he collects from mountain hikes to brew experimental new teas. Sometimes Azul adds these drinks to the menu.

Floyd likes to experiment with making sauces. These, too, are featured in the lounge.

The lounge offers cakes with coral decorations. You can order one for your special occasions.

The Mostro Lounge is particular about its quality name-brand dishware. Azul believes that this will boost the experience customers have in the lounge.

The Octatrio bought the rights to the Mystery Drink from Sam and raised its price from 600 madol/6 thaumarks to 1500 madol/15 thaumarks.

The Mostro Lounge has a one-drink purchase minimum.

Menu items range from roughly 600 madol to 1500 madol (6 thaumarks to 15 thaumarks).

The menu rotates on a seasonal basis; this helps to cut down on costs since they can focus on cheaper in-season ingredients.

The Mostro Lounge also operates food stalls and/or sells food at many school events, such as the cultural festival in book 5 and the interdorm magical shift/spelldrive tournament in book 2.

It is mostly Octavinelle students who staff the Mostro Lounge, but there are occasions when outside students are brought in as extra help. Ruggie has worked there part-time, as well as Jack, Ace, Deuce, and tons of other students.

Unbirthday Party Rules (related to food)

Rule 25: There must be a tea party on the 5th of every month.

Rule 29: You must not eat the Queen's tarts without her permission.

Rule 153: The only tea you may drink in the evenings is herbal tea.

Rule 186: Do not eat hamburger steak on Tuesdays.

Rule 256: You must not drink lemonade with honey past 8 pm.

Rule 271: You must get up from the table within 15 minutes after eating lunch.

Rule 339: Your post-meal tea must be lemon tea with 2 sugar cubes.

Rule 529: If you eat steak on the night of a full moon, a cat must play the violin afterwards.

Rule 562: Do not bring chestnut tarts to an unbirthday party.

Rule 648: You must brush your teeth 2 times on nights when you eat turkey.

Rule 703: Whoever comes in 2nd place in a croquet match must serve tea to the Queen (dorm leader) the next day.

If the dormouse wakes up at an unbirthday party, you are to paint its nose with jam.

Coffee is forbidden; tea must be served at all occasions except for birthdays.

According to Cater, sweets are mandatory at unbirthday parties.

Dwarves' Mine & Silent Woods

There is an abundance of wildlife in these areas; Jade often goes hiking and foraging, making note of what he finds. He uses the plants to make his own tea blends (which are sometimes added to the Mostro Lounge's menu) and the herbs, plants, and mushrooms to experiment with in cooking.

There are fish to be found at the lake, including massive catfish.

The Foothill Town

There is a port for mainly cargo ships located at the southwest part of town. It's called Crane Port! The east side has a port as well, but that one is moreso for passengers. Crane Port has been getting fewer and fewer people passing through lately (until Port Breeze Fest, in which the NRC boys run food stalls and help to revive business in the area). Group A makes churros, Group B makes waffles, Group C makes salads, Group D makes cotton candy, and Group E makes clam chowder.

A popular restaurant in the Crane Port area serves foods like french fries and burgers. Their signature menu item is a donut made from potatoes. Actually, this restaurant specializes in potato dishes!

There is a chain restaurant on the island that also has locations elsewhere, including in Ace's hometown. He mentions that there are slightly different flavors to the sauces depending on which location you go to. This chain is also described as affordable for students and gives free refills. There is a location of this chain a car ride away from Harveston.

The town also has other eateries that are more geared towards students, seeing as it exists on an island with two notable magic schools to the north and the south. Cater often mentions going into town to take pictures at cafes.

The town has a public market; the Ramshackle Ghosts resell mandrakes there.

There is a famous patisserie there. You have to line up early in the morning before opening time to get your hands on one of their strawberry tarts (or anything, really!).

There is a stall in the marketplace that sells specialty coffee. They also have a tea which Crewel enjoys (though he also brews his own).

Scalding Sands

General

The Scalding Sands seems to borrow heavily from Middle Eastern cultures. For example, some of the Scalding Sands’ traditional dishes include, but are not limited to: roasted lamb, moussaka, döner kebabs, shawarma, flatbreads, potato and bean spreads, and seafood sautés.

Tea is a popular beverage; it is had at every meal and break. People can drink up to 10 cups of tea a day!

The Scalding Sands specializes in black tea. For entertaining guests, special tea leaves are used.

In the Scalding Sands, they brew their tea leaves loose and without an infuser. This makes the tea very strong and bitter. To counteract the powerful flavor, people add lots of sugar to their tea and drink it with sweets.

“Luxurious” tea is very sweet, since sugar was once very expensive (due to a shortage of it, according to the localization) and considered a luxury.

Due to the hot weather, people often toss herbs into their tea to make it more refreshing to drink.

Coffee is also popular; there are many cafes that serve coffee and tea. The Scalding Sands is known in particular for their spiced coffee, which has a very distinctive flavor. This coffee is brewed without a filter, and some cafes do “coffee divinations” (reading the shapes and patterns of the grounds and the water droplets that remain after drinking to tell the fortunes of customers).

There are a lot of unique spices in their dishes. This is especially true of banquet dishes. However, a variety of dishes are still served at these occasions.

Kalim describes the Scalding Sands as being “big on stewed stuff” like curries.

In Kalim’s hometown, people love to gather around the table and talk over a meal.

Halloween in the Scalding Sands is celebrated by feasting on a variety of dishes. The idea is that the food must be abundant so that the ghosts that return to the world of the living for the night may also have their fill.

It used to be difficult for the people of the Scalding Sands to obtain water due to the lack of rainfall, hot climate, and expansive desserts. However, Kalim’s ancestors utilized the country’s rivers to reach other countries and to trade their textiles, spices, tea leaves, and other local goods with foreign lands. It was particularly impressive at the time, as they were the first traders from the Scalding Sands to sail (back then, accurate nautical maps were not a thing). This maritime pioneering is what would make the Asim family their massive fortune.

The Asims and other merchants heavily invested in technologies and innovations to make the area more sustainable and potable water more accessible.

The waterways of the country eventually developed into canals and communities formed around them as trade hubs. The canals are also used to host ferryboats for locals and tourists to sightsee, boosting the tourism industry. This also made access to water much easier for the residents, and the water helps to cool the temperature.

Silk City

The bazaars in Silk City are where locals do their shopping for various goods and staple foods like vegetables and fish. There are also stalls with gourmet food that cater to tourists.

Camel Bazaar is named after camels, which were used to transport people, goods, and luggage before Silk City’s canals and roads came to be. There also used to be an oasis where the camels would rest and drink after long treks; this oasis became a center for commerce and eventually evolved into a marketplace. To this day, the name “Camel” has stuck, even if people use trucks, ships, and cars more than camels.

There is also Zahab (”Gold”) Market, which is popular with tourists for shopping (especially for souvenirs!) but also has swindlers and pickpockets mixed in with regular customers.

Many snacks are sold! There’s camel milk chocolate, cookies drizzled in syrup, sunflower seeds, pistachios, chickpeas, all kinds of nuts, dried fruits (including dates), jams, jellies, syrups, starfruit, dragonfruit, etc. 

(Lamb) shawarma is described as meat roasted on a spit and served on baguettes or pita bread. Because grease drips off while it cooks, it is “surprisingly healthier” than one expects it to be. Shawarma is also customarily served with vegetables (tomatoes, onions, olives, jalapenos, etc.) and sauces (yogurt, garlic, chili, hummus (a paste of garlic and chickpeas), mayo basil, etc).

There is a vendor that can supply large quantities of sweet and refreshing coconut water; this is because they’re used to providing for Kalim’s extravagant and excessive tastes. They create a hole in the top and provide straws to poke in and use to drink the water. The coconut flesh inside is also edible.

There are a lot of bread stalls; bread is also another staple food, and it comes in many sizes, shapes, and textures. Small roadside bakeries have wood-fired ovens which allow them to serve bread fresh to customers.

One stand sells baguettes that are taller than many children; these “tower baguettes” are a famous Fireworks Festival treat. People say that if you eat a big one, you’ll never go hungry again! The saying comes from a story of a young man that shared bread with hungry children. It’s because of that story that baguettes are considered a good luck food that many vendors sell on holidays.

The Camel Bazaar sells an elastic ice-cream (based on a similar irl frozen Turkish confection). It is kneaded on a pole and stretched out; customers are meant to “catch” it in their cups and cones. It’s food performance art! All the stretching makes the texture very unique.

There’s a fruit stand that is only open on festival days which sells a Silk Melon sundae; the fruit is hollowed out to host ice-cream (of the same melon flavor!) and toppings which make it very photogenic.

Starfruit is usually put in salads, according to Trey.

The dragonfruit sold is recommended to be eaten with honey. You drizzle it on top of a slice and eat!

Silk City’s signature fruit is the Silk Melon. It is called that because of its silky texture and sophisticated sweetness. It can’t be found in many other countries. The man of legend that shared his bread with a starving child is said to split a melon with his friend, even though he did not have much money to spare. It’s because of this tale that people started saying if you share Silk Melon with someone, it would make your friendship or romance last forever. Now the fruit is a festival staple and considered a symbol of good fortune.

In the past, water was only used for irrigation due to its scarcity. Some gave up on farming after years of trying to produce crops and failing—but others refused to give up and cultivated the land to made it fertile, something which future generations would reap the benefits of.

The fruits and veggies sold Camel Bazaar are freshly picked and grown locally. Jamil says this is possible because the arid climate actually helps with growing crops of high quality. Produce raised with less water concentrates flavor since the final fruit will have a higher sugar content. Because of this, Silk City’s produce is prized by chefs all over Twisted Wonderland. Of course, you can get them at an affordable prize in Camel Bazaar!

Shaftlands

General

The Shaftlands are famous for its jeweled pineapples.

The Shaftlands spans a large area of land and has drastically different climates depending on the part of it you're looking at. Therefore, we can deduce that foods and customs surrounding food are very different as well.

City of Flowers/Fleur City

The city’s food culture seems to be inspired by real world Paris, or at the very least, France.

Bread is a local specialty, particularly very buttery kinds. As you walk down the streets, you can smell bread baking. The City of Flowers has 10x (or more) the variety of bread that Sage's Island offers, and has an abundance of bakeries too.

Bread-making is popular in the City of Flowers. The windmills at the edges of the city grind grains to produce fresh flour. There are also watermills powered by the Soleil River to assist with making flour.

Because wheat is plentiful in this area, some of it is also used for desserts. One such confection is financier, which is made from a combination of wheat flour, almond flour, and butter. It resembles a gold bar, so eating one is said to bring financial prosperity.

Lately, gluten-free desserts have been trendy.

A dessert that does not use wheat flour is macarons. In the City of Flowers, they are yellow and shaped like bells to honor the Bell of Salvation which oversees the community and provides magic that helps rare plants grow in the area. The filling is a ganache with dried bits of grapes and apples.

Grape juice is popular in the City of Flowers, as the fruit is another specialty. You can buy the grapes raw and eat them as is, or ask a vendor to crush it (skin still on!) into juice for you. Some buy the grapes to give as gifts!

The grapes are grown in vineyards right outside of the city, and the farmers are constantly experimenting to improve their breeds. They taste very rich, tangy, and sweet.

The City of Flowers is also known for its many specialty cheese shops. Together, bread and cheese are called the staple foods of the city, and are sometimes eaten together. One specialty cheese shop the boys visit sells baguettes topped with ham and rich melted cheese.

The city considers goats a symbol of good luck, so they are treated with care. There are many community goats (which are just as common as domesticated cats or dogs) allowed to roam freely in the city. It is said that if you treat the community goats with kindness, they will come rescue you in your time of need.

Goat milk is used in some of the specialty cheeses produced by the city. The grapes mentioned earlier are also made into fruit compotes to go with the cheeses.

They served a roast beef at the young mage’s social; this was infused with spices and evenly heated.

Harveston

This village has many dishes that borrow from a mixture of irl Nordic cultures. There’s also an emphasis on having hometown pride and the community itself being very close.

Crows often damage the apples Harveston grows. The community comes together to put up nets and make noises to scare them off.

As expected, many of Harveston's dishes feature apples: apple pie, grilled and roasted apples, apple salad, apple pound cakes, etc.

Epel's family has an apple orchard that has been in the family for generations. They grow different kinds of apples throughout the year. Many of his neighbors are older people who also raise produce, and they help each other out when they're short on hands. The community is very tightly knit because of this, and treat each other like extended family.

Harvest season (autumn) is the busiest time of year; once that's over, everyone comes together to have a party. It's a potluck style celebration where everyone brings a homemade dish or homegrown food to share.

Harveston preserves its produce (such as apples and wild greens) by pickling them and serving them in salads. The bright colors are maintained by boiling the produce in a copper pot, which stabilizes the pigments. It's wisdom passed down from generation to generation.

There is also pickled herring, traditionally eaten on bread. Brining preserves the fish while it is still raw and doesn't dry it up. It's ready to eat right out of a jar, no cooking required.

The local stew is not very thick. It tastes sweet because of the added vegetables and savory because of the tender meat in it. There is also a salmon broth sprinkled with herbs which is described as "melty".

Fruits and vegetables can be packed in snow to keep them preserved. This method is called “snow aging” and prevents evaporation. In the old days, the villagers would build whole farms out of snow. In modern day, they just shovel the snow into a barn. This creates a natural fridge that will naturally thaw in the summers. Snow aging in this manner makes the produce sweeter and more nutritious.

The next town over is a three-hour bike ride. The roadside has many apple trees you can enjoy during the trip.

You can easily pick apples off the branch and eat them fresh! Farmers can snack on apples while picking.

Harveston is surrounded by tall mountains that are snow-capped all year, the most famous one being Mt. Moln. The greenery around Harveston is due to the spring water irrigation which runs down from Mt. Moln.

Most of Harveston’s land is used for orchards, and apples are their main produce. They also make many products using those apples like chips, rice crackers, and cookies.

Fall apples are sweeter, while winter ones are more sour. Winter apples are unique to Harveston.

Harveston also grows a lot of garlic.

Harveston farming is done the old fashioned way, as the predominantly older population distrusts chemical fertilizers and biotechnology.

Some villagers like the mayor and Marja (Epel’s grandma) adjust their accent to communicate with people from outside the village. Marja says she switches up when she’s selling goods in another town, since it can be tricky for non-Harveston locals to understand.

Hand washing before eating is a must! They take the act very seriously in Harveston. Stories say the miners of the past used to get very sick due to poor hygiene, but their health improved drastically once they started washing regularly with soap and water. It was difficult for them to get treatment because the town is so remote and far from hospitals or doctors, so the best thing is stressing prevention. This why the townspeople are sticklers about hand washing now.

To wash the Harveston way, you plunge your hands into ice cold water and make it all foamy with soap. You also scoop the water up and splash your face as well (as the miners from the past would also do this).

You can catch salmon in the nearby river.

Apple Square is the main festival venue; it has many vendor stalls in an area called Kokko (which means “Bonfire”) Market. The Sledathon is the most lucrative time of year for the townsfolk.

Many of their products are made locally by the older folks in town. The goods aren’t trendy or very fancy, but they’re high-quality and made with Harveston pride.

The stalls give apple juice, apple tea (which has fruit pieces floating in it), and apple ginger tea for free. The apple juice is one of Harveston’s most popular products.

Giant five-meter apple pies are made for the Sledathon. They’re considered one of the main attractions, and you can get a slice from them free of charge.

There are other stalls that sell regular apple pie too. Every vendor has their own style, from the apples used to the crust and baking technique.

There are other kinds of fruit pies for sale, but apples are the most popular and “special” ones. The Beautiful Queen had a preference for apple pies, so the townspeople do too.

Harveston apple pies have such an entrancing flavor that the nearest city has stores that stock them. Critics say that Harveston apple pies make anyone drool and that the best way to convince someone to do you a favor is to gift one.

Harveston holds an apple competition to find the reddest apple. This is because the Beautiful Queen prized beautifully red apples. In the past, the townspeople would offer the reddest apple from the season’s harvest to the Beautiful Queen. Over time, it evolved into the apple competition.

Kokko Market makes pancake balls from a flour batter and top it with jam. It’s prepared in a pan and with methods similar to takoyaki, coming out crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside.

Pancakes also come in a square form. In Harveston, pancakes are baked in the oven instead of on the stove. Some people cook pancakes in the fireplace too; this makes them tender, thick, and pudding-like.

There are many grains used for bread: sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, oats, flax seeds, sesame seeds, rye, wheat...

Barbeque is served for large gatherings and celebrations.

Cooking tends to be done in the fireplace instead of on a stove, especially in the case for stews. It keeps the room warm in winter while the food cooks.

Harveston has a bean and fruit soup. Most other places serve it cold, but those in Harveston sometimes enjoy it warm. It’s a thick consistency and the fruit in it has been dried.

Farmers drink tea on their breaks between work.

When setting the dining table, people in Harveston leave one extra plate out. This tradition comes from a story about a traveler visiting a family’s house and being surprised by the messy state of it. The traveler cleaned the house and cooked a nice meal for the family. From this story came the belief that as long as you leave a plate at your table, you’ll never want for food or go hungry.

Sandwich cakes are common party centerpieces. They are made with bread and vegetables, topped with shrimp, deviled eggs, olives, apples, and salmon slides arranged in a rose shape. The frosting on it is made from mayonnaise and sour cream, making sandwich cakes more salad than dessert.

They sell cherries and other berries by volume. Also sold are vegetables and juice, freshly squeezed.

Because Harveston is located in a mountainous region, there are rare varieties of mushrooms to be found. These can be served in a traditional mushroom soup, which can be finicky to prepare (so usually only experts make it). Mushrooms are also cooked in butter and served in sandwiches.

Mushrooms, herbs, and flowers are foraged from the nature (both public mountains and private woods). Locals usually don’t buy plants that are wild when they can pick it themselves. Instead, they’re sold to tourists.

Good foraging spots on Moln Mountain are kept secret so people don’t overharvest. The mountains are dangerous in winter, so foraging has to be done in spring or summer.

Harveston brines raw fish like salmon in a mixture of salt, sugar, pepper, and fill. In the old days, brined salmon was buried in sand to let it ferment.

Fish is dried to preserve it and to enhance the flavor. Before there were proper roads, it was hard to bring in food for the winter, so Harveston relied on foods preserved in the spring. They last for a long time and have many uses (such as in soup stock or to eat straight up). To this day, preserved meats and vegetables are a local specialty and new methods such as roasting have been developed for preservation.

Sunset Savanna

General

The food here appears to be inspired by African cultures of the real world.

Fruit is more plentiful than grains.

There is floral cacao in the Sunset Savanna. It bears fruit only once every 10 years.

Gummy bugs are popular and a Halloween staple.

The people of the Sunset Savanna value living in harmony with nature and will go out of their way to adapt to the land (due to the high population of beastmen, who have animal ancestors). Because of this, they oppose change that could damage the environment. There are some parts of this arid country that still rely on wells for their drinking water needs. They also hold the Tamashina-Mina festival every year to pray for rain.

Sautéed mutton is a common meal in this country. Leona brags that the Sunset Savanna is top notch when it comes to cooking meats.

The bananas of the Sunset Savanna are starchy and resemble potatoes (similar to plantains). They are steamed and served as a staple food. They’re faintly sweet and are actually very light and easy to digest.

It’s easier to grow fruit instead of wheat and rice in their climate.

Rice hull crepes, another staple, are served with a stew that you pour over it. The stew comes in variants such as a white fish stew simmered in tomato sauce, spinach and potato stew, beef stew, etc. There are also many side dishes you can enjoy with the crepes. The crepes aren’t meant to be eaten alone, as they taste too sour solo.

The phrase “that’s the Circle of Life” is a proverb that has been around for ages. The strong eat the weak, then when the strong die, their bodies become nutrients for the grass which feeds the next generation of prey animals. Life comes “full circle”, and the proverb indicates this delicate balance.

The Sunset Savanna is famous for its coffee. It tastes spicy, not bitter, because the custom is to add spices to the drink.

Food prep performances seem to be common for the wealthy; Leona mentions seeing big fish filleted before being served.

Yogurt is considered a “healthy dairy” and is typically served for breakfast.

Elephant Graveyard

The Elephant Graveyard, once considered a scary and lawless place (the “shadow lands” which were not a part of the original kingdom), has become a tourist destination—something akin to a spa.

They are known for selling vanilla cookies shaped like bones.

The hot springs at the Elephant Graveyard have kettles hidden by the steam. The hot water vapor cooks onsen tamago (a traditionally Japanese irl dish) and puddings. It imparts a slightly salty and sulfurous flavor and smell to the foods.

Sunrise City

The Raintree Market is a bazaar that features many foods and drinks.

Many snacks sold in the marketplaces are local specialties, so they’re popular as souvenirs.

Wild and cultivated hibiscus flowers are boiled with sugar to produce a red juice. There is also a white juice, which is made using wild baobab (which is full of nutrients; people call it a beauty elixir you can drink). A legends says that, long ago, members of the royal family would have their foreheads painted with baobab juice when they were born. That’s how the fruit became a local specialty.

In the original tale, the juice for marking foreheads was red. It seems that, over time, the color was changed to white by word of mouth, with the latter description fitting more with the white fruit of the baobab. Because of this change, more and more stalls have been selling a mixture of hibiscus juice and baobab juice.

The baobab fruit is also used to make a particular sour candy. The candy is dyed with red food coloring and is then dusted with sugar and chili powder. It’s described as having a “mature” flavor. Leona has liked this candy since he was a child.

Mangoes are a local specialty! Vendors will happily cut open the fruit for you to enjoy on the spot.

Other notable fruits for sale are tart passionfruit and creamy but smelly jackfruit. The latter is considered the largest fruit in Twisted Wonderland and grows on its tree’s trunks.

The Sunset Villa is a luxurious hotel that hosts VIPs and important guests of the state. They offer a large selection of drinks (fruit juice, black tea, coffee…) and serve whole slabs of steak in front of you before serving at luxurious barbecues. After dinners, they have dance performances.

There is an enormous sausage that’s wrapped up in a coil. If unwound, it’s a meter long. It’s meant to be cut with scissors before eating. The sausage’s herbs make it taste refreshing, and its meat is finely grounded to allow its flavors to come through.

Seafood is fresh and cheap, provided you live by the sea or in a coastal region like Dawn City. In more inland areas, seafood is considered a luxury.

Their seafood tends to be cooked with strong spices.

Ruggie’s yet-to-be-named hometown

Because the residents are poor, their food is usually made from collected scraps (such as pumpkin pie made predominantly from the pulpy parts) or prepared with substitutions and without extra flourishes. For example, Ruggie’s grandma prepares homemade donuts for his birthday but they couldn't afford fancy toppings (until Ruggie started working to bring in extra income).

It’s implied that there were instances when Ruggie (and presumably others from his hometown) had to eat rotten food or out of trash cans to get by.

Queendom of Roses

General

There is reference to some irl UK foods in this region, such as the jacket potato.

The Queendom of Roses is famous for its rose jelly rolls. Roses are the flower the country is best known for, of course, but they also have lavender, rosemary, sweet violet, foxglove, bluebells, and many berries.

People from this country eat flowers (which are specifically grown for eating). Flowers are also used for dried flower bookmarks? potpourri, etc.

The Queendom has a good selection of breads.

Apparently, the Queendom also has a strong “tea culture”.

People in the Queendom of Roses eat a lot of different pastries (pies, tarts, quiches, croissants, scones, etc). Croissant donuts (cronuts) in particular have been pretty trendy lately. They’re donuts made with croissant batter, so they come out super flaky. They are sometimes sold with iced tea as a combo.

Potatoes are a staple food.

Jacket potatoes are common at festivals; they are potatoes baked with the skin (ie “jacket”) still on. The standard topping for them is baked beans, but you can also have tuna mayo corn, bean chili, sour cream, avocado, and other things.

Anyone that grew up in the Queendom of Roses has probably done the “cookie smash” at least once as a kid. (More info on this under the “Clock Town” section!)

The Queendom is known for lavender, berries, and rosemary.

Riddle and Trey's yet-to-be-named hometown

Trey's family owns a bakery (called "Patisserie Clover" according to the TWST manga). It seems to be a small "mom and pops" shop with no particular notoriety. However, the manga implies that it was the Clover bakery where Riddle saw the strawberry tarts and became entranced by them. This is also where Riddle would later try his first strawberry tart.

In Riddle and Trey's hometown, people enjoy apple bobbing during the Halloween season.

Before interview: Riddle was worried whether they can start on time and was relieved when Vil showed up and Vil was pretty smug about it lmao

There is a farm not too far from where Riddle lives; it is famous for its ice-cream buns. There is also a cafe located on the farm! It opened shortly after Riddle entered NRC and is so popular that it’s spoken about in magazines and tourists go there just to sample their sweets.

Clock Town

The people of Clock Town value time and punctuality due to the town's connection to the White Rabbit, who was always in a hurry. Many of the foods sold at stalls are things that are easy to hold and eat while walking, such as sliced sandwiches.

The Clock Town Folk Museum mentions a girl that appears in the story of the White Rabbit. She ate cookies that made her grow large; the museum recreates this experiment by projecting a large image of guests that eat cookies they have set out.

The Clock Town Folk Museum also runs a bugle-playing contest. The participation prize is a carrot cookie.

Clock Town sells a brand of potato chips with the White Rabbit logo on them.

The town also sells cookies iced to look like a pocket watch. The icing is made from a mixture of sugar and egg whites (“royal icing”) which hardens considerably. You’re meant to crush the cookie with a hammer to make it into smaller pieces, making it easier to eat. It’s based on the story of the White Rabbit breaking his pocket watch. Others tried to help him fix it by hitting it with a hammer, but it didn’t help at all, only damaged it more!

A lot of people enjoy growing plants, gardening, and horticulture, including stuff that can be eaten like herbs.

Sausage rolls are served in pairs to resemble bunny ears; the container they come in resembles the White Rabbit. They’re sausages wrapped in a pie crust/puff pastry dough, and come in cheese (with a shortcrust pastry similar to what is used for tarts to help hold its shape) and a spicy sausage (with a puff pastry that makes it flaky) variant for the White Rabbit Festival.

There are large mushrooms that grow in Clock Town; eating one side will turn you large, eating the other side will turn you small. The girl in the story of the White Rabbit has eaten these strange mushrooms before. These mushrooms are said to be enchanted and only work in a particular area; its effects last for ~1 minute after eating.

[easy-there-leftovers]

I See You, Darling (3)

[Astarion x reader] As I mentioned in a previous post, this came along surprisingly easier than the last one. The same can’t be said about the quality though maybe– sorry for that. :,DDD|Word count: 2.6k.| 

Content Warnings: Mentions of cooking, handling knives, blood, one sex joke (lol), the normal warnings that you’d associate with the game

Part 2 here!!

Next Part here!!

As an outsider to most of everyone’s problems, you find your place by helping in whatever way you can. Even if that may be at the expense of your own comfort, but at least it’s been fun so far.

Alternatively: Reader can't catch a break from anything, can they?

————━─━────༺༻────━─━————

Being resident camp caretaker was surprising, for lack of a better term. You were away from the stresses of technology, corporate assholes, and disappointing family with your choice to pursue unpractical careers. Instead living the “cottagecore lifestyle” of foraging for food and cooking with a cauldron that those from the digital world claimed to be the best. What they failed to mention were the incessant pests coming in to nibble through rucksacks if you were not careful, and the occasional swarms of ants or flies coming in to nip at your flesh.

The experience was a mixed bag, so it would seem. But the tired smiles that the group would give you when you greet them with a warm and filling meal was always a comfort that you would have.

And it would seem they needed it now more especially than ever.

Your band of misfits planned to venture out and defeat the goblins at their camp in order to aid the tieflings’ journey to Baulder’s Gate. Per your instruction, you convinced the more solipsistic members of the benefits of eradicating the sect. Namely, they wouldn’t hinder you as much in the future if they were taken care of. Hence your plan to slightly increase the amount of portions for supper tonight.

By twilight, you had a good broth steeping in your cauldron. The camp having returned just a few moments prior from an earlier excursion. You were making a pottage that the others have expressed their enjoyment for. A stew of sorts that you had made when you had quite the number of items that would have spoiled before consumption had you not done anything about it. A mixture of fruits and meat, stewed in a consomme of a pig’s head and various mushroom caps. 

This time around, you’ll be using fresher ingredients to hopefully lift their spirits.

As you’re chopping up fruits, you think about all that’s happened to you and possible explanations for why your character suddenly ceased to exist in order to make room for you.  What’s more is that no matter how many nights pass, you never end up waking from your dream. Which you fear is lasting longer than your usual ones.

Your working theory is that whatever force, be it magic or fate, tethering you to this world is also responsible for removing Tav. Astarion claimed that he couldn’t remember the finer details when you had confronted  him. And so you settled with that hypothesis. That like how a thread that unravels opens a seam in a garment, a new thread must be used to darn the cloth together again.

You laugh at the disgustingly poetic analogy you created in your head. You fear that you’re becoming more and more deranged as—

“My, aren’t you busy?” The intrusive voice causes the knife to slip out of your hand a bit, thankfully only cutting off a portion of your index finger’s nail. Your shoulders, that were raised in alarm, release their tension after feeling the sudden chill leave your body.

“Astarion,”  Exasperated, you put the knife down on the cutting board to catch your breath for a while. 

“I would greatly appreciate it if you stopped sneaking up on me when I’m doing something dangerous.”

The high-elf offers a mischievous smile in response. “Very sorry, pet. But it’s hardly my fault when you’ve barely been paying attention to me.” There’s regret in his words, but not in his tone.

Because while perhaps it’s an odd interest, he enjoys hearing the quickened pace of your heart. The pulse getting louder, as it stays that way for longer.

“I’d feel sorry for doing so if you were too, but you’re not.”

You laugh out, breath still shaky but steadying slowly, as you pick up your knife again.

 “I heard you’re part of the encampment that’s finishing off the goblins by midmorn.” Chopping the rest of the fruits, you feel his presence move from behind you to off to your side so you can see him from your peripherals.

“Hm? Yes. Although I would have preferred if we didn’t do this at all. It’s too much work, and the goblins could be entertaining! Killing useful spoils seems like an awful waste.” 

This must be the reason why he approached you, to persuade you to call off the hunt. And his unfading smile supports that thought. When you voice said thought, it earns you a playful scoff.

“Don’t you have anything else on your mind other than the parasite lounging in it?”

The mood is light as you say this, the banter welcomed by you both. 

And as you continue to converse, a few eyes begin to follow the two of you. They’ve never really seen Astarion interact with you for this long, at least not away from your private spaces. And even less without hushed voices. The interlocution is definitely a welcome spectacle to them. 

“On my honor, the only thing on my mind is depraved, carnal lust.” He says, proudly. Gesturing to himself with one hand, and the other held high like he was swearing an oath. 

Your closed mouth drops into frown, eyes wide, and your eyebrows skew upwards. A very undignified, but small, squeak coming from the back of your throat. You swore you heard someone groan in disappointment from far away too.

You know full well that the look of shock that you were sporting was by no means attractive, but the flagrant revelation, though not at all out of character, was shocking to have directed towards you. You’ve been trying to romance the elven vampire with your character, only to end up nowhere. Therefore you are completely unsure if the dialogue he was spewing was completely a figment of your imagination, or is, indeed, canon.

The elf in question has seen this expression of yours before. Quite often, too. And while he doesn’t think it a, “pleasant sight,” it is rather… charming to him. 

Whether it be on purpose or not, people have the tendency to be on guard around him, preserving any twitch and sound that could give them away to themselves. Not that much had ever evaded him before with his naturally cunning behavior. But this clearly unscripted response, with the blatant confusion swimming in your eyes, is a rather refreshing sight to see.

“I see–” you clear your throat to lower your voice back to its normal octave. “Well, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to uh, bring those thoughts into fruition! Uh–,” You slide the rest of the cut fruits off of your cutting board and into the stew. 

“Is there anything else you wanted to tell me? Something I should know?” You turn to face him. He laughs at first, but then his brows furrow in question, as if he did have something to say and forgot about it or thinks it is no longer an appropriate time to ask. He shakes his head and says something along the lines of, “letting you do all the hard work” and returns to his tent.

But you are not left alone for long as another member of your little ragtag team joins you to ask about dinner. To which you ask them for which meat would be better to toss into it. 

—————————

After dinner, your little rapport concerning the plan and new findings with everyone is adjourned. Some thanked you before they left, and others simply walked away. From what you have learned from them, the Archdruid that was taken prisoner by the goblins was named, “Halsin.” He was a topic of interest as they said he might be able to aid you in your search for moonrise and understanding the Mindflayer worms.

Wyll had also approached you alone after dinner and offhandedly mentioned a dead boar being on the road. He had planned to return to camp with it if it could have been useful, but he had claimed that the animal had been unnervingly light. As if half of its weight was no longer there despite seemingly just keeling over for no reason.

You take note of that in one of your many journals, including additional information about the Archdruid and their kind in general. The book appearing more and more like the game’s quest booklet, with the exception of a few crossouts and colored ink to emphasize each quest’s urgency and relevance to finding a cure. When you successfully rescue the druid of the grove, it seems you will have to move out quite soon after, so you fixed up your pack just a bit to make it easier later on.

You look around, everyone seems to be in their respective areas. Doing whatever it is they usually do  with the exception of Astarion. Though he has been known to either sneak off or hide away from time to time in his tent, so you think nothing of it.

You return to the communal chest, tallying up the remaining supplies and inspecting the wares. You sort the tradeable objects in one rucksack and appraise its worth. The chest also has pieces of gold, some that others have placed, and others you picked up and added. You prefer to let the others keep what they think is valuable to them, and only place what they want to share in the vessel. 

If the party’s gold ever runs out, you think that the rucksack is worth a few nights of food when you travel out again. Assured by this knowledge, you placed your writing materials back in, closed the chest, and turned in for the night.

Maybe this time, you’ll wake up. But you also don’t really want to. Not just yet. 

—————————————

As you slept, you wondered about the longevity of your knowledge of the media. You hadn’t finished the game, and although you’ve accomplished a fair bit of it, you worry about how you will face the events to come. One of the only reasons why you haven’t flinched so much at the terrors that occurred was because you had anticipated them. Braced yourself for the dangers ahead.

You fear what might happen when you no longer have that power at your disposal.

Perhaps it's the worry, perhaps it's the stiff, compact ground that you have yet to be accustomed to sleep on despite the bedroll, or perhaps it's the presence of something suddenly cool that stirs you awake. 

But what you did not expect was Astarion’s face hovering over yours to be the reason. Fangs bared, and ready to bite. Your eyes go wide and you let out a small gasp, hands moving up in a gesture akin to clawing at yourself. 

The elf realizes that you’re awake now and he curses. Moving away as you scramble upright just like you did all those nights ago. The look of genuine fear at the prospect of being bitten is apparent on your face, and he feels almost guilty to be greeted with it.

“Please, I wasn’t going to hurt you— I just needed, well, blood.” He says it in a panic. Worried that you might run off, losing his only sure chance, and possibly enraging the rest of the camp.

In this moment, you realized the error in your ways. Astarion had been hunting nearly every other night in the same area. And if you were progressing through the events like how the game did, he couldn’t have had the time nor energy to venture too far after feeding from most of the creatures in the vicinity.

‘The exsanguinated boar…’ You remember.

“You’ve been feeding on animals for the past few nights, haven’t you?”

“It seems like word got around then.” Although unknowingly, he’s referencing what Wyll delivered to you earlier in the night.

“I’m not some monster, I feed on boars, deer, kobolds– whatever I can get. I’m just too slow right now. And with the damned excursion,” He stops himself, complaining is only doing worse for his condition.

“It’s not enough. I feel so…weak. If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer. Fight better.” You’re conflicted. You had no problem offering yourself as your character for him to feed on, but even witnessing that through a disconnected screen was enough to make you feel uncomfortable imagining it. You care about him, want to give him what he deserves, but this…

What’s more is that you know what he’s saying is necessary, not at all overstating how dire his need to satiate his hunger is, making it all the more difficult.

He needs to convince you, if he wants to continue on, that is. Without the presence of the illithid, he resorts to more practical means of doing so. Similar to what he did to many.

Noticing the slight tremor of your hands, he takes the chance to slowly kneel down on your bedroll. Closing the distance between you. He takes your hand, now rougher from the work you do, and meets your shaken gaze with his dark eyes.

“Please. I only need a taste, I swear.” He had meant to tell you before dinner, had he not felt the eyes of the others on the two of you. This discovery is not lost on you. He needs you specifically. And you realize it's out of convenience because you’re an expendable resource. If you pass, the group can venture on, but he also still needs you alive for whatever reason. He can’t have the others finding out, not until they trust him. 

He needs you to trust him. And this is the only way you can help him in this moment.

With that, you strengthen your resolve. 

“I…I trust you, Astarion. But no more than what you need.” A dangerous bet, but you hope it would be worth it.

“Really? I–”

 “Can I trust you on that?” The shock on his face fades, and he agrees.

“Let’s make ourselves comfortable, shall we?” You lay down, preparing yourself to faint during the process and allowing your blood to flow throughout your body. He observes the rapid movement of your eyes as he drapes himself above you. Your sight flitting from anywhere but him and then returning all the same. No doubt that you fear being at his mercy.

He feels almost sorry that you have to do this for him.

So he graces you with what mercy he can give.

The bite is quick. You would have felt the flesh of your neck parting for him, had he not done so. You feel tears prick at your eyes and start to feel the area from your neck and upwards go cold.

A momentary, sharp pain, that lulls to a chilling numbness in what seems like a matter of seconds.

You feel his body start to grow warmer at your expense and you feel satisfied knowing that you could help him.

When he doesn't stop, you start to worry.

Your breath catches in staccato beats, pulse quickening in tandem. You try to stop him, hands coming up to push or tug, but the heavy sensation that washes over you only permits them to find purchase on his form.

You try to speak, but it seems as if the common tongue does not reach him.

Your mind goes into overdrive, all of a sudden it doesn’t feel like a dream anymore and genuine fear courses through your veins.

You need him to stop, and you try to think of more efficient ways of doing so.

But your mind starts slowing as well. The pain has certainly faded, but the presence of the vampire at your throat reminds you in case you’ve forgotten.

As a last ditch effort, you try to use whatever might appeal to him, to break him out of the trance that he was in from finally replenishing himself. 

“Isalhal–” One of the few Elvish words you recalled.

The effort thankfully makes him pull back in shock, stopping him. Your eyes finally close, thankful for the reprieve you're finally granted. You hear a distant, “thank you,” and a more distant “shit” before rest takes over.

You worry about waking up tomorrow.

But for now, you’re thankful that Astarion will be able to fight well.

For himself and for everyone else’s sake.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

Thank you to @rey26, @shyminnie07, @lynnloveshobi, @iggee-rose, @automnepoet, @tiannamortis, @aoirohi, @sarkara211, @jane-3043, @h3110-dar1in9, @h3ll0k1ttyl0ver333, @mimziethealien, @squichymochi, @sharabay, @furblrwurblr, @dork-of-the-universe, @thedevilssinner, @fuckalrighty, @queenofthespacesquids, @perseny, @goldenplutus, @h4nluv, @awkward-d3rs3-dr3amer, and @auszimbo for asking to be tagged!!

[hisui-dreamer]

cook your way to your man's heart!

Characters: Deuce, Ruggie, Jade, Malleus

Synopsis: In which you decide to cook your guy's favourite food to condition them into liking you. Don't underestimate a person in love!

Tags: fluff, crack, reader is good at cooking, food is used as bribery, bot proofread

Word count: 766

Notes: inspired by this post

Disclaimer: this post is entirely light-hearted and as a PSA, please do not manipulate people.

Masterlist

this man adores you to bits

house-spouse material!!

every time he's so curious to see what you made for him

is it an egg sandwich? a quiche? an omelette? egg rolls?

he'll happily eat all of it, he loves your food!

refuses to share with anyone else unless it’s you

he finds you so endearing and he really appreciates the gesture

he would offer to cook with you or help you wash the dishes

before he knows it, he wants to always be close to you

walks you to school every morning, saves you a seat at lunch, etc.

when you tell him you made him food bc you liked him, he’ll be ecstatic

you put in all that effort for him?? that’s so sweet of you!

he wants to introduce you to his mom and see you two working in the kitchen together, his two most favourite people in the world

"Prefect, thank you so much for making me food!" Deuce says heartily. "Everything tastes amazing, you're so talented! I'm so happy to eat your cooking!"

oh he falls for it so bad

house-spouse material no.2!!

while he's careful with trusting people, he can't deny seeing you makes him so happy and he just can't resist the food

every time he sees you his tail is shaking in excitement

he has half a mind to wonder where you're getting the expenses from to keep making food for him

but hey how could he ever resist donuts?

he's so flattered and wants to repay you somehow

finds more opportunities to spend time with you in his busy schedule

works extra hard to earn thaumarks and get you some gifts

also he's always there for you if you need help

by the time he realises, he's head over heels in love with you

he can't say he minds, you're such a lovely person and you come with great food!

"Wow Prefect, are you trying to bribe me with donuts? I'm not that easy, ya know. Shishishi!" Ruggie laughs, his lips coated in chocolate. "But I gotta say, these donuts are awesome. You really know how to make a guy feel special. Thanks a ton, you're the best," he beams.

he's cautious when you start giving him food withouta good reason

he knows what you're up to fast

what else would you expect from a master manipulator like himself?

he'll play along though, only to enjoy your cooking

he does appreciate the effort you're putting in to make him happy by preparing his favorite food

even though he knows, he still finds himself looking forward to seeing what new dish you might bring

would it be octopus carpaccio? a toasted mushroom and egg sandwich?

he loves everything you make for him

eventually he'll find himself in love with you, but only willfully

by that point he'll start teasing you and play around with your expectations to keep you on your toes

truly a match made in heaven, two scheming dorks in love

but hey, all's fair in the game of love

"Why thank you, Prefect. Your thoughtfulness is truly appreciated," Jade says as he savors another bite. "This octopus carpaccio is quite exquisite. Perhaps you'd be kind enough to impart some of your culinary secrets to me? I would love learning from such a skilled cook." He's smiling but there's a certain glint to his eyes.

happy dragon noises

he's so in love with you omg

he was already interested to you when he met you in ramshackle

but one night you started offering him ice cream?

he's smitten

and you made it by yourself???

lilia's holding him back from marrying you instantly

he’ll find himself visiting you whenever he’s craving food or you

he's so fascinated by how ice cream is made and all the different flavours he can try

insert image of malleus furiously shaking a plastic bag with ice and cream in it

appreciates your determination and hard work in the kitchen so much

it makes him feel so valued and cared for

gives you all of his treasures to woo you and pays for all of the ingredients

and offers to help you in the kitchen, although you should keep a close eye on him if you don't want ramshackle burnt to the ground

Malleus smiles at you contently. "Might I express my sincerest gratitude, prefect? Your efforts to make my favorite food are not unnoticed, and I am deeply appreciative of your kindness," he says. "Your gifts are cherished, and I find myself drawn to your company more and more each day."

Masterlist

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

[rosehxnt]

the stars in your eyes

characters: deuce spade, leona kingscholar, jade leech, jamil viper, silver summary: noticing the small details that make your boyfriend him warnings: mention of leona's scar, swordfighting, otherwise just fluff

Deuce Spade  He'd been nervously shifting in his seat for the better part of ten minutes, every now and then glancing at you just to see you staring at him.  "Do I have something on my face?" He finally asked.  "Yeah, handsomeness."  His face became flushed. "Thank you...but it's like you're staring right into my soul," Deuce nervously giggled.  "It's like I'm staring into the endless ocean." You held your gaze. "But it's even better because it's you and you're right here with me."  He tried to stare back at you for a few seconds, but failed, quickly turning away and finding something to distract himself with. You let out a light laugh as the eye contact ended, enamored by his reaction.

Leona Kingscholar  His chest rose and fell as you observed him. He was once again fast asleep in the botanical gardens, sun cascading across his face.  Absentmindedly, you reached out to slowly trace the scar going over his left eye.  "Herbivore." You had woken him up and he was now staring up at you, his cat-like pupils thinning to slits to accommodate for the midday sun. "What do you think you're doing?"  "I think..." You gaze into Leona's eyes, fingertips sitting still on his cheekbone. "I think I want you to look at me like that forever."  You swore you saw his pupils grow in size, but he'd deny it if you said anything. A small smile appeared on your face.  "I think I want to nap," he replied and, much to your chagrin, closed his eyes to resume his slumber. In your mind, you replayed the image of him looking at you, those emeralds he held easily rivaling even the most expensive jewelry one could buy.

Jade Leech  It was always a joy to see Jade practice his passion. That passion being taking care of his endless mushroom collection. The happiness showing in his eyes was always worth it to you, and you made sure to take in every bit of it.  Except he always noticed your staring. Although, this time he decided to say something about it.  "Why do you look at me with such intensity, my dear?" His casually delivered question threw you off, causing you to find sudden interest in the floor.  "Oh, um, I like it when you're happy, it makes me happy."  "I'm glad you're happy, then," he commented and went back to work making sure each individual terrarium was in ideal condition.  "Your eyes are also super pretty," you found yourself saying. "I love how one is like the sun and the other is like the earth. It's almost like you're my entire world."  It was his turn to deliver a shocked expression, not expecting you to turn the situation into an opportunity to flirt with him.

Jamil Viper  You were content to sit on the sidelines while Jamil prepared that evening's meal. He insisted you not do any of the work, and you questioned if he was looking out for you or the state of the meal. His answer was ambiguous.  So here you were, watching as he moved about the kitchen. His long hair swept over one shoulder, his hands working to expertly chop up the various vegetables, and his eyes flitting to each ingredient as he threw them in the large pot that was to feed the entire Scarabia dorm.  Those eyes, the ones that reminded you of the charcoal used to light fires, similar to the fire you felt for Jamil himself. He'd lit one in your heart through the way he'd always help you when you were getting behind in class or were feeling under the weather. His observant eyes that kept watch for you and worked hard to keep you out of trouble were just one of his many charms.

Silver  You'd been invited to watch Silver and Sebek spar, which you'd looked forward to for days. Both them and Lilia had worked to make sure you'd be safe just in case any blades went flying. This ended up with you sitting on a wooden bench behind a metal fence. Lilia was in the corner watching the two boys the entire time just in case, since they tended to get competitive.  Though your sight was slightly limited, it didn't stop you from watching Silver's expression as he expertly defended Sebek's attacks and launched some of his own. He was focused on the battle and his eyes, which reminded you of the translucent lavender tinted marbles you'd play with as a kid, tracked every movement and flash of metal.  It was hard to remind yourself he was still just a human in that moment. A human who had trained among fae to become a fierce enough soldier to protect their crown prince. A human who would look at you so kindly after the sparring had ended, offering his hand to help you up from where you sat, awestruck.

a/n: i was just thinking about a specific someone's eyes and thought i'd do this m.list & rules

© rosehxnt

[mushroom-forest-life]

Mushroom of the day:

Caterpillar fungus/Ophiocordyceps sinensis

Growing location: China, Nepal, India, Bhutan on the Tibetan plateau and the Himalayas; growing location: parasitizes Caterpillars of the ghost moth at about 11,000 feet above sea level

Characteristics: brown, like mushroom grows out of the head of a ghost moth caterpillar

 Rarest, and most expensive mushroom in the world 

[monstas1ut]

Characters Having Sex w/ black!s/o

BYAKUYA K , ICHIGO, KENPACHI, ACE, LEVI, MADARA

contains

__ +18 black coded reader, female reader, Squirting, the word slut, impreg, size diff, reader is claimed to have hairbeads in one of the Headcannons, heel kissing, teasing, pussy eating

a/n

___ Thanks again for all of the support, I’d love comments as well! And everyone is welcome to give me their suggestions, I don’t mind one bit!

Byakuya Kuchiki is the most erotic, passionate man that you’ve ever come across. His voice changes when around you. His face turns from a blank scowl to a gentle expression. How could he not? His wife was absolutely ethereal, gorgeous, and down right doll-like. There was something about you that he couldn’t shake loose from. Your finger was wrapped with Byakuya’s whole being.

There’s no doubt that Byakuya treats you like his Queen.

Byakuya would lay you down with care, he’ll admire your soft body and he’ll vocally pick out your insecurities. He will firmly say just how much he loves them, how much he loves you as a person. Your sweet hearted husband treats you as if you’re the only woman in the world. However, if you think about it, you are. You are the only woman in his world.

“You’re ravishing. I’m quite glad you chose this color, it enhances your skin color.”

“I do wish for you to keep this on, I’ll try not to ruin it.”

Byakuya is a man who’s quite fond of clothed sex. Lingerie, dresses, and heels. Specifically heels that strap up your legs. The gold color of them would completely wreck him. They look so good on your brown skin. He always thought you looked expensive. He can’t help but imagine them by his face. And a small secret is that he will kiss each of the strings and the heel itself before sinking his cock inside of you.

“My beautiful Queen, Mrs. Kuchiki”

“You’ve gotten me so worked up… I deeply apologize for what I am about to do.”

“Don’t be bratty with me, I will give you money to fix the damage..” Byakuya will simply be referring to your lace, your acrylics, and your makeup. Because really, he can’t help but pin your wrists above your head. His cock was above average, it was so pretty and elegant just like his aura. He bared no hair below, and it was clean. It didn’t curve, but it had a clean, straightened form. It dug inside you with soft, slow strokes, and it found your g-spot every time.

Byakuya seems like a gentle, sweet, loving man, and he is. However, one thing that can push him over the edge is that pretty brown pussy squirting on his cock. He doesn’t expect it all the time, no, but he can’t help but make you feel like you’ve reached heaven. His overstimulation would include fingering you the rest of the way, or softly sucking at your clit with passion. He’d completely forget about his own pleasure… but it’s because of you.

“What such beauty…” he may sound as if he’s alright.. but he’s fought against cumming at least five times.

Ichigo Kurosaki is such a shocker and a goofball. Being in an established relationship with him is a ride in itself. He would be completely invisible most of the time, but he still thinks about you. Whether you are a human or a soul reaper, you still barely see him. He is the strongest among most, there’s no way he can’t be on the front lines. But, best believe he’s thinking about you. He’s thinking about how you laugh, your overly glossy lips, your beads and how they make so much noise.

Lord knows he’s craving your touch. He can’t even function sometimes when he’s gone for too long. He misses your touch, how you cook, and your mushroom hat(he knows it’s a bonnet, he just loves to piss you off). Ichigo gets agitated so quickly, he usually runs to you when it’s beginning to be too much for him. All of it builds up because he’s unable to see you, but damn does he give it to you the second he sees you.

Ichigo is very caring, he’s more of a gentleman in bed.. but he won’t hesitate to slut you out if you ask for more. He legit doesn’t care if you have your bonnet on, or if some of your acrylics have broken off. Ichigo doesn’t even care if you’re wearing a plain, big tee. He’s pushing that shit up and he’s using his cock to make you cum.

Big boy Ichigo has a cock that tilts to the side. It’s very thick and long. He hits the best spots inside of you, and it’s absolutely perfect the way your insides caress it. He prefers gripping your ass cheeks with a tightness, and making you go slow while you’re bouncing on him or if you’re in the doggy style position. He especially loves it if the sun is beaming from the window, shining right on your brown skin. He likes the glow, he loves the softness of your brown pussy lips around his cock. The way you showed yourself to him.

“Just… like… that… fuck”

“Ass looks so pretty like this..” Ichigo will immediately burst if you shake your ass. He really can’t deal with it. He’s the type to cum in his jeans if you dance on him, what makes you think he can survive your wet pussy and your huge ass bouncing to him. And at the same time? No. He will get his revenge that’s for sure.

All that will be heard is your loud moans and whimpers as Ichigo pounds your kitty. The backshots would sound like bombs.. and your eyes will not only roll back, but your brain would go blank.

“You’ve lost it huh? Poor thing.”

“Don’t run yet… I’m not finished y/n… Baby cmon…”

Kenpachi Zaraki had a thing about himself. The male was too large for anyone to even consider him soft. However, behind closed doors, Kenpachi is a big bear to you. Not only does he fall into your little acts, but he will come to your rescue everytime. Much to his dismay, his obvious care for you has slipped in public a few times. If you’re visibly in danger, he’s literally going to go insane, more than he already is. You’re his everything.

Kenpachi has lost a lot, he can’t let you leave him too. That is why he is as careful as possible. He may jeer some rude comments at you, he may push you once or twice.. and he may even press your buttons, but he won’t do it harshly. Just like in the bedroom. It wouldn’t be all extravagant, hell, it may not even be in the bedroom. Unlike other men, Kenpachi doesn’t plan shit. If he gazes upon you fighting like a complete maniac, yet still being a sexy slut, he’s gonna get hard.

The captain is easy to please and turn on. You could stick your tongue out at him and he’s immediately hard. A fairly huge thing is the way you’re shaped, though. Kenpachi cared nothing for women in his earlier days, hell, he still doesn’t. But, you were just that one exception. Your height was so low, yet your power level was as a lieutenant(he’ll brag about you all the time).

But the thing is that Kenpachi watches you intensely while you take his cock. He was beyond average, as so was his height. There wasn’t really a huge shock when his cock thumped on your pussy the first time you two had sex. Overtime, it’s become easier for you, and it’s made Kenpachi revel in the soft feel of heaven.

“Damn this pussy is tight.”

“Stop squeezin’ me like that… before I fuck you to sleep.”

Kenpachi also loves when you talk to him like YOU own HIM. When in reality , it’s the other way around. If you dare to act bratty around him, that just makes him have a certain excuse for pulling at your braids, or whatever hairstyle you have in your head that day. He loves ruining it.. hey, he believes if you act that bratty, you don’t deserve it.. but it’s not like he won’t go to the human world and steal what you need… he’ll do it. Besides, like Byakuya, he’s wrapped around your finger.

“How can you take all of me… shit!”

“You gotta be shittin me if you think I’m pulling out. Go ahead an’ pass out, I’m just gonna keep goin’..”

Madara Uchiha is a man of substance. One may think he doesn’t take pleasure in sex often, but wow are they incorrect. Once a black woman falls into his arms, he’s completely blind to everything and everyone else. You sparked life into his eyes. His dullness had lightened the second you came around. His secret was being touch starved, and the second you came around him, bold as ever, he melted almost.

This man was scary, everyone knows this, but you weren’t afraid one bit. You even called him ‘sugar’, ‘baby’, and ‘love’. He scowled the first time he even heard it, he practically threatened you as well. However this didn’t deter you from him, it made you try to get closer. Madara started noticing himself fall when you’d bring him meals, speak to him, and even take up for him. He couldn’t help but pair you as his own.

And once you were his, there was no backing out.

Madara specifically took a liking to the opposites of you both. The only thing in common was that you both came from strong clans. Your brown skin, your hair, it was all different. Even the way you spoke was different, and he couldn’t help but listen to it in more ways than one.

“Open. Don’t hide your voice from me.”

“I suppose you rather I stop? No..? Then act as if you mean it.”

Madara can’t help it when he’s alone, he has to cum to your sweet words. He doesn’t even mind if they were slurred or babbles. He will overstimulate you until he turns you dumb. He will tie you up just to hear your whines, and he will make you say his name over and over again until he’s satisfied.

Madara’s cock was so damn big, so it wasn’t hard for him to get that outcome. He always has you creaming on his cock, and so much. The tears coming from your eyes never fails to make him even more rough.. although, he does try to be romantic. He can be very romantic and sweet, but sometimes he loses himself. His eyes turn that familiar red, his senses are higher, and all he can think about is catching that high while you’ve come on his cock more than four times.

The room would be potent with your delightful smells, and the Uchiha mark that was on that shirt you wore would be covered in sweat.

“It’s so damn hard to be gentle with you, my love. Especially when I think about how precious you’d appear with a large belly..”

“I wonder how many times I can place a baby inside of you… you’d love that right?”

Please say yes, because he’ll cum instantly…

Levi Ackerman was a virgin before you, please understand that. He didn’t have time for such matters. So, when coming across you, he’s absolutely appalled with how you act. You’re blunt, you have the same energy as him, and you’re beautiful. You were much different from the others. Not only was the island filled with fair skinned people, but they didn’t even know people could come out such a color.

There were some who thought you were weird, but just about every man there thought that you were beautiful. The sun would wrap around your skin, and Levi would stare so damn hard that Hange would completely destroy him verbally. Levi started to become so enchanted by you that he began thinking lewd. So, when he finally got his hands on you… he absolutely went berserk.

Levi runs on pure instinct. If it’s been a bad day, he’s pounding you harder than he looked like he could. He’s short, you’re taller than him, and thicker.. but you would be lying if you said he didn’t have you cumming every three minutes. His short height didn’t compare to his cock, that’s for sure. You kind of wonder how he gets to conceal that thing while wearing his uniform.

Levi is fifty percent gentle, the other fifty being a complete maniac. There’s no knowing what you’ll get this day, or the next. One day, he could be completely on board with you slamming your ass down on him, but the next? He’ll be making sure you know that you have no authority. He loves watching you try to catch your breath, it’s funny when you also try to keep quiet. You don’t want anyone hearing you, and Levi has also felt this way.. but overtime he’s become a bit of a smut.

“You can scream louder than that, y/n…”

“You make such a mess… Your pussy makes more noise than your mouth.”

Teasing is a huge thing for him. Levi can’t have sex with you without teasing you at least once. Seeing you begging for his cock is all he needs to get him going. That, or when you try to get into your uniform. He just knew your ass was huge, everyone could attest to knowing this. It was an inside joke for the scouts. Everyone would joke solely about how you struggled to put your pants on today. Levi would silently agree when he wasn’t in a relationship with you.. but now, most people have stopped saying it.. Levi gets jealous easily, and Jean and Connie have been the two to really get scolded and hurt by Levi.

Only Levi can talk about how huge your ass is. Hell, he’s the one making it bounce at night. He’s the one that has absolutely made you a pool of water. One of Levi’s favorite things would be watching you fuck yourself on his cock.. really. He loves when you’re bouncing on it, shaking ass on it, grinding on it. He won’t admit it, but he’ll cum fast… yet he’ll still be hard. And please don’t try to leave him before he's cum, he’ll grab your curls and will not let go until you finish your duty… he doesn’t care how much you cry and whine about it.

Rarely, Levi will give pity. He’ll see how weak you are by the end of the day, and he’ll suck up his problems to tend to yours. He likes to be clean and sterile, and he knows you are too, but eating pussy was a thing he had to ease into. He couldn’t even understand how you suck him off.. but if you could do it, he could do the same to you. So, he usually eats you out when you’re very tired or annoyed. He goes so slow. He makes sure to touch every crevice. That man’s lips have been absolutely everywhere… and I mean everywhere.. he doesn’t talk about it afterwards, but he’s definitely harder than a rock.

Levi may not say it, but there was something about getting dirty with you…

“Filthy little slut…”

“Might as well get you to squirt. You’re begging me to do it anyway.”

He just wants to drink it…

Portgas D. Ace is head over heels for you, so much so that he is whipped. You’ve sparked this sudden love for women, but he couldn’t look at another woman like this. He’s like a little boy finding out he can imagine things. His brain is absolutely destroyed the second he meets you. Your energy was just too sexy. The way you look at him, the way you lick your lips, the way you rub his arm. Ace can’t help but imagine just how proactive you could be in bed.

Eventually, he doesn’t have to imagine.. but his brain still sabotages him. He constantly thinks about how you’d look in certain things, certain hairstyles. He especially loves braids and he has a huge thing for them. They seem so perfect, just like you. Your hair defines you, and it’s the most important thing on your body, Ace would understand that fully. He knows it’s your crown.. that’s why he doesn’t touch it during sex.

Poor baby. Ace can’t help when you're sucking him off. He’s all over the place because he doesn’t want to touch your crown. However, if you tell him you can, he’ll be so gentle. He won’t even grip it, he’ll run his fingers through it and inspect the feel. He won’t even yank it when you’re deepthroating him. He’ll just pant and growl.

Ace will slap your ass though, let’s get that straight. He’s not all innocent. He will do whatever you tell him to do. Hell, he’ll even sit there handsomely and watch you tease him with a lap dance. Or, he’ll watch you use your fingers for pleasure. This man is a flip flop, he can dom you into the night, but will sub for you any second. He’s a sweetie pie, he will cherish every part of your body without hesitation.

All he asks is that you make it known that he pleasures you greatly. And he does. His cock is always so warm. It makes your whole body feel comforted, but sometimes it’s so hot that you two are sweating from all of the sexual energy. Ace can barely control himself when you’re draining him.. It could result in some accidental burns, but he will apologize so quickly.. but a secret is that he nuts pretty fast if you still keep going after the slight burn.. especially if you moan from it…

“You’re-… so beautiful, y/n…”

“I love you so much… Damn. I love this pussy too… I hope it loves me back…”

Ace is such a joker when you two are in bed. He can’t help but crack a few because that’s just how he is. He will laugh when you make a cute sound, and it’s contagious.. so you end up laughing and moaning at the same time. It’s actually quite hot to Ace.. and he manages to hold his orgasm, but that’s because he tries not to focus too much on it.

“Damn it-… y/n I can’t-…”

“Sorry! It was too tight, I couldn’t pull out because you were gripping me too hard!… it’s too tight…”

“It felt so good though…”

ⓒ Monstas1ut (do not copy)

[ponett]

I have now finally seen the Mario movie. It was Pretty Good. Here are my wordy thoughts on it. (I am going to spoil the entire movie. Duh.)

In many ways, the Mario movie does what I wish the first Sonic movie had done. They just took the characters and the premise and the world from the games, and made it a straightforward animated adventure movie. It's bright and colorful and remixes things JUST enough to include fun elements from multiple games, and it doesn't make Mario get adopted by James Marsden or whatever. It even has the music!

That's all you really need, right? Right...?

I'll get this out of the way up front. Chris Pratt was fine. He's fine

If anything, it really feels like they did the movie a disservice by letting us hear so little of the Mario voice in the previews. It took one scene for Pratt to disappear into the role for me. It was totally fine. If anything, I found Charlie Day's normal voice coming out of Luigi WAY more distracting, even if I did like him in the role.

Everyone else was pretty good, for the most part. Jack Black was obviously very good as Bowser, but I'm biased. Seth Rogen does the Seth Rogen laughs as Donkey Kong, but I thought DK was fun, too. (I liked his little rivalry with Mario where he was just constantly giving him shit.) The only casting choice I truly hated was Fred Armisen as Cranky Kong. I hated every line that came out of his mouth. He sounds atrocious. Just the worst. I swear to fucking god if they do a DKC movie and we have to hear him for 90 minutes

I did think Peach was lacking, but that was on the script, not Anya Taylor-Joy's performance. It's cool to see Peach fight, but it's one of those all too common instances where the writers put so much effort into making the main girl kick ass and be an effortlessly confident girlboss that they forgot to give her an actual personality. Not that I'd point to Super Princess Peach and its mood swing superpowers as positive representation or anything, but there's a happy middle ground, surely. Shrek was 22 years ago, just having the princess do flying kung fu kicks isn't enough.

Okay. With the voices out of the way, let's talk about the big picture:

It's way better than the words "Illumination Mario movie" implied, and I mostly enjoyed my time with it. The spirit of Mario is there 100%. But I'd also describe it as "ruthlessly efficient."

This was perhaps the main complaint critics had, and they were absolutely right. People have responded to these totally average reviews with "Well, what did you expect? Shakespeare?! It's MARIO!!" Like, yes, I would prefer it if the movie I paid to see had writing that was good instead of bad. What a shocker. My issue isn't that it's not "high-brow" enough. The problem is that it feels mercenary. It feels like an editor went through and deleted almost every line of dialogue that isn't some form of exposition, at the expense of the pacing. Any scene that's not a montage or some sort of action is kept as short as they could make it, with barely any room for embellishment, character interaction, or anything other than the bare minimum word count to hit all the typical Save the Cat Hollywood screenwriting 101 story beats to the letter. There aren't even as many jokes as you might think (and the ones that are there are extremely hit or miss, including a lot of the slapstick with Mario himself).

Mario and Peach's little arc together in the front half of the film is probably the worst example of this pacing. Even having read reviews that complained about how fast Peach goes from meeting Mario (by her admission the first other human she's ever met) to deciding to train him as the new savior of the Mushroom Kingdom, I was SHOCKED at how fast it was. They don't even lampshade it.

Peach takes Mario straight into the big training sequence where he learns how to use mushrooms and jump over platforming obstacles. Peach is apparently already a hypercompetent platforming pro and a great fighter, so there's no clear reason why she's taking the time to train this random guy to be half as good as her when the world is in danger. Then they set off on their adventure, Toad joins them, and we get a VERY brief travel montage. It's about thirty seconds total - just long enough to give Peach a line about how she wants to protect this beautiful world of hers to try and give her some stakes. We get the genre-mandated nighttime campfire heart to heart, which is exactly long enough to have Mario say he misses Luigi and to have Peach give the two sentence summary of her origin story and not a second longer. Then they reach the Kongs, and their big journey is complete. (They barely interact for the rest of the movie.) So much of the movie is like this - always ready to get on to the next scene as soon as a new one starts.

I'm not criticizing the script because I expect The Super Mario Bros. Movie to be a prestige drama - although there are certainly halfhearted attempts at a dramatic arc. The stuff with Mario's family was a fun enough idea, but again, ruthless efficiency. We get one quick scene with them at the start to give Mario some pathos, because I guess Save the Cat said he's gotta have some pathos. And then Mario gets his dad's approval amidst the action of the final battle in Brooklyn to resolve his arc, just so the movie can end as quickly as possible once Bowser is defeated. (Despite now having the approval of their family and their community back in Brooklyn, Mario and Luigi move to the Mushroom Kingdom off-screen without a single word dedicated to this decision, because that's where they live in the games.)

Look. I am not comparing it to The Godfather. Don't give me that shit. I am not asking for an extra half hour to explore Mario and Luigi's childhood trauma. I am not asking for the complex inner workings of the Mushroom Kingdom monarchy. I know this is gonna be a basic Hero's Journey adventure for kids. It just feels like it's turning down so many opportunities to have a little fun with the characters, to let them interact and play off of each other, to let there be some adventure on this adventure. This is the first time we've gotten to see these characters interact with fully voiced dialogue in a very, very long time! "Yeah, it's not High Art, but it's FUN!" Stories are fun! Character interactions are fun! The script could be having so much more fun!! It is adamantly against making the Story parts of this story-driven movie any more Fun than they functionally need to be!!!

Mario, Peach, and Toad's journey to find the Kongs is shorter than the training montage that precedes it. After the opening, Bowser mostly just sits in his castle and waits for the third act to start. Luigi's there, too, but he only gets one scene with Bowser and then the movie mostly forgets he exists until the climax. He doesn't even get to try and sneak out of Bowser's castle and get up to hijinx. He's just there to be a motivation for Mario, so he sits in a cage for half the movie. It's the bare outline of a script with action scenes added in.

Aside from the fact that it's Jack Black singing as Bowser, I feel like this overly-efficient script might be part of the reason why the "Peaches" scene stands out so much. It's a moment that didn't strictly need to be there to keep the plot moving or to provide an action setpiece. It's not even a reference to another Mario thing. It's just a fun and memorable little character moment that's there for its own sake. That's what the movie needed more of. To stop and smell the roses more often. To play in the space.

To be clear, this isn't a unique problem with this movie. Critics have been noting for years that second acts are disappearing from big Hollywood movies in favor of the Act I plot setup and the Act III action, even though Act II is supposed to be where you get to explore your actual premise. And lots of animated movies give me this exact same vibe of being too "screenwriterly," or feeling like they had an executive breathing down their necks and demanding changes based on focus testing. But these common issues are why I come away mostly feeling like the movie is on the better end of "average," rather than totally blowing my mind. You have seen this movie many times before, just not with Mario in it.

And, of course, there's the music. The score by Brian Tyler based on various classic Mario and Donkey Kong tunes (frustratingly all attributed to Koji Kondo) is absolutely beautiful, but it's unfortunately frequently overshadowed by the licensed music. Everyone already complained about things like the use of Take On Me in place of a lovingly arranged DKC medley, but it feels illustrative of the tug of war the movie is caught in the middle of, between wanting to be a lavishly faithful Mario movie and wanting to be a generic tentpole animated adventure movie. Every single licensed song used is the most obvious, overused song they could have picked for the scene. It reeks of cynical executive meddling and it took me out of the movie every time.

But there really was a lot of care and love put into this movie - more than probably any other video game movie ever made, not that that's a high bar. I don't want to underplay that too much amidst all my complaints spurred by the absolutely insane response to the reviews.

Aside from the countless background references that people will be picking apart for years, touches like the Captain Toad tune playing in the background of Toad's introduction or the Mario Kart 8 menu music playing in the kart garage really help bring it to another level of authenticity. I also enjoyed seeing some more obscure Mario enemies that felt like they were picked more for being fun to animate than for being nostalgic and marketable. No matter how many times I sarcastically pointed to the screen and deadpanned "reference. reference." I am not immune to noticing these things and smiling. I am not immune to the DK Rap. These alone don't make the movie good, but it's nice to have a video game movie that feels like it was made by people who like video games.

Most importantly, the animation is great throughout. It's leaps and bounds ahead of other Illumination work, and it's the best the Mario cast has ever looked. They even made Donkey Kong handsome, somehow. They're all so squishy and expressive, and they move so fluidly - especially in the action scenes. I particularly liked the more kinetic ones like the aerial Banzai Bill chase and the Mario Kart sequence. Truly, the Mad Max-inspired car battle on Rainbow Road where Mario literally does the speedrun shortcut is this movie firing on all cylinders.

Other, more hand-to-hand fights nail the Popeye-esque vibe Mario should be going for. He's an underdog who gets the shit kicked out of him by bigger, stronger opponents until he gets his signature powerup and turns the tables on them. My favorite animation of all probably came from the use of Cat Mario to turn the tide in the DK fight. They had so much fun making Mario move like a cat. Again, it feels like a choice made because it'd be fun to animate rather than just a nostalgia move.

It's that animation and that attention to detail that carry the film, really. They elevate it from mediocrity into being a fun watch for a fan like me, albeit one I couldn't help but pick apart with Anthony as we watched it at home. I'm glad I saw it, but there's a lot of room to improve with the inevitable sequel. I hope they do. I can't deny that I had fun with the movie, but I hope next time that fun is partially because of the script instead of in spite of it.

Stray thoughts:

Overall, I would say I enjoyed the movie a lot more than Sonic 1, but probably not as much as Sonic 2. Not that these movies need to be pitted against each other.

I hated the Luma. I hated how hilarious they clearly thought the Luma was. They have the fucking Luma break the fourth wall to end the movie and start the credits. This is going to be a deep cut for fans of bad animated films, but the whole time I was just thinking of the little fish from Romeo & Juliet: Sealed With A Kiss who's just the director's kid saying random nonsense. You know I'm right

I rolled my eyes at the "our princess is in another castle" joke and several other jokes that would have been dated in a gamer webcomic 20 years ago but I guess they had to be there

How much of Brooklyn did Bowser's giant floating castle take out? We know 9/11 happened in this universe because the Freedom Tower is there, hasn't New York been through enough

I can't believe there's a Diskun easter egg

The dog is the most Illumination character design in the movie. It felt like it wandered on set from The Secret Life of Pets

Mario being a gamer and playing Kid Icarus of all things just made me remember this tweet:

Yes Anthony did get mad at me for being thirsty for Bowser

[usedtobecooler]

thinking about going on a date with joe and giving him a sloppy tipsy blowjob in the alley next to the bar ))):

he’s smart, sophisticated, suave in a way that made other men pale in comparison. he was cultured, intelligent, knew a lot of the world that most men his age didn’t. he’d wooed you by speaking fluent italian after he swore up and down he was poor at it — though he could be arrogant when he wanted to be, when he knew he was good at something.

he’s flirty without meaning to be. it comes naturally to him, through the lingering glances, the occasional touch of your skin when you made him laugh. the toothy smile and the way he’d lean into you. he always had to be close to you, just enough that his heat radiated against you. he’s sat next to you in the booth, cosied up and cheeks flushed pink from too many martinis.

you weren’t a martini girl. but you were for him. anything he wanted you to be, you would be. you drank them slowly, savoringly, the briny, salty taste swirling on your tongue and making you dizzy. he notices you don’t eat the olives, swipes them from your glass and pops them in his mouth like it’s nothing.

your gaze lingers too long on his hands. his thick fingers. perfectly manicured nails. chunky silver rings. your belly pools with a heat, a deep need inside of you to gulp them down and lick the remainder of the olive juice off them. your cheeks flush dark and he smirks, leans over to brush your hair from your face and wrap one of those god forsaken hands around the side of your neck. brushes your jaw with his thumb. you’re melting.

he’s suited and booted head to toe in armani. two buttons on his silk shirt unbuttoned, his chest adorned with his pretty chains. black looks best on him, makes him look as sultry as he truly is. you want to jump his bones.

he excuses himself for a cigarette and you’re sat there with a hazy head, in need of something. your feet blindly follow him, thick fur jacket wrapped tightly around you to block out the cool winter chill.

he’s leaning against the wall, as if he’s not in a four thousand dollar suit, cigarette in one hand and phone in the other. his head snaps up when he hears you and he smiles, “you want?” he asks, offering you the smoke. you take it gratefully, hoping the nicotine would warm you up the way it always did when you were on a night out with friends, huddled in the doorway of some dingy pub for warmth.

you’re not your real self around him. he’s intimidating, you’re common. you get pissed on nights out and dance up against men in dirty clubs. you take them home and you don’t remember names. how you wound up with a man like him you’ll never know, but he clearly saw something in you that you never saw in yourself.

you’re in each others faces, giggling about nothing, he’s flushed pink down to his chest, from the alcohol no doubt. he’s gorgeous when he laughs, all teeth and crinkly eyes and he’s so pretty it makes you want to claw at the walls. he leans in and steals a kiss that you instantly turn heavy, opening your mouth for him.

his tongue is sinful, the way he licks into your mouth, the tinge of smoke and bitter alcohol dancing on your tongue. his cigarette is abandoned in his hand, the one that’s now gripping your waist through the thin material of your pretty satin dress. it’s white. virginal. a juxtaposition.

you drop to your knees in a fluid motion, expert fingers working the button and zip of his fancy, expensive suit trousers. you ruck them down just enough for his half hard cock to slip out. he’s big, uncut, a pretty shade of pink, thick enough that he’s a real stretch in your mouth.

“dirty girl,” he admires you with chocolate brown eyes and a seductive smile as you wrap your hand around him, tugging him off until he’s fully hard.

“i’m anything you want me to be,” you flutter your lashes prettily at him, pulling his foreskin back, spitting on the mushroom tip to get him all nice and wet for you. the head matches your lipstick, blush pink and shiny.

you make hasty work of it, wanting to be good for him and get him off quickly. your hand wraps around what your mouth can’t reach, jacking him into the heat of your wet mouth, sliding down so far he’s cutting off your breathing and you’re struggling.

he stumbles on his feet a little, hand petting your hair and the last of his cig dragging between his lips. you can’t take your eyes off of him, and he refuses to look away. he’s half lidded, puffy spit slick mouth open in a moan as he watches you just go to fucking town. you’re insatiable and he thinks he’s in love with you.

“that’s it, take my cock,” he’s muttering and it’s slurred as the hand in your hair fists gently and shoves you down even further until you’re gagging and your eyes are watering, “calm down, sweet girl. you can do it.”

and you do, breathing harshly through your nose as you swallow around the fat head pushed into your throat, tongue swiping over the thick vein on the underside, suckling. you’re drooling, it’s spilling out the sides of your mouth and dripping down your chin.

your jaw aches, your knees scream at you as they dig harshly into the gravel below, but you can't find it in you to care when he's looking down at you like he's never seen anything more beautiful, moaning and spewing profanities like he's got no worry that somebody could walk past and see you both at any point.

your free hand grips at the small expanse of his bared thigh, using that touch to ground yourself as he abuses your throat, fucking his hips back and forth until you're gagging and tears are spilling from your eyes, ruining your pretty makeup.

"stunning," he muses quietly, running a thumb over a tear stain on your cheek, hips stuttering, and you use that to your advantage, gaining control back and sucking him down wetly until he's whimpering above you, "fuck, m'coming."

you quirk a brow, swallow around him one last time, and he's coming hot down your throat, big wet eyes squeezing shut, unable to keep eye contact as he unloads in the heat of your mouth. you hum as you savour him on your tongue, because somehow even the heady taste of that was perfect.

he's a gentleman when he comes to, because he always is. he helps you up from the ground, and you help him tuck his spent cock back inside his pants in return. he kisses you like he doesn't care that your tongue tastes of his release, large hand engulfing your cheek and fingertips in your hair soothingly.

he lights another cigarette, and offers you your own one this time too. you smoke in the peaceful quiet, the drunken haze still overpowering and the ringing in your ears stunning you into silence. you're dumbstruck.

when you get back to his place he makes up for giving you sore knees by eating you out until you cry. because, like you said, he was a gentleman.

[essektheylyss]

Ten Books to Know Me

@aboxthecolourofheartache reblogged her version of this from ages ago but she'd tagged whoever saw it and it sounds very fun and difficult so let's do it!

Tris's Book by Tamora Pierce - I had a habit as a kid of always picking up the second book in a series, so this was the first of Tamora Pierce's books I read. Emelan had an effect on me on a microcosmic level, I'm pretty sure. Anyway, the protag of a whole world of mine is named Tris now, in homage to Trisana Chandler, so. the particulate is still kicking around in my brain.

Ptolemy's Gate by Jonathan Stroud - Another childhood FAVE. This series as a whole started fucking with what I understood a book to be. Also the ending of it has a vice grip on me to this day, and it is probably why so much of my writing is very vibey and favors ambiguous endings.

Cyrano de Bergerac - This was the first assigned reading I had in high school that I utterly LOVED. I love this play so much, I love the tragedy, I love the quiet sorrow. This was also the first proper tragedy that I remember really loving.

The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan - This is a book of poetry and short stories by a Yale creative writing student who was killed in a car crash very soon after graduating, compiled by her professor after her death. I read it repeatedly in college; it is really quite lovely.

Underland by Robert Macfarlane - Apologies to Box who wanted reading recommendations, but she is who introduced me to this book if I remember correctly, and I have spent the two years since I read it habitually picking up Macfarlane's writing without even realizing it. Absolutely phenomenal writing.

Staying with the Trouble by Donna Haraway - @ professor Haraway I know you are a semi-retired scholar and also in the most expensive college town on earth but are you looking for research assistants cuz uh

The Mushroom at the End of the World by Anna Tsing - I actually read both Staying with the Trouble and this book on the same weekend in the start of 2021. I compromised on not including Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake, which I felt was very cliche of me, by including this book, which had as much of an effect. Read those three and Pantheologies by Mary-Jane Rubenstein and you will have some semblance of an idea of what the spiritual portion of my brain looks like. In the interest of not writing the same blurb four times I left the latter two off but know they make up a little microcosm of 'you could make a religion out of this' for me.

The Cat Who Saved Books by Sosuke Natskukawa - A Japanese novel about a cat who appears to a teenager after the death of his grandfather, a bookseller. I read it when I was very frustrated with trying to read contemporary fiction and it was a bright spot among that. (I am still very frustrated with the state of contemporary fiction and this book remains a light.)

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer - Okay I read this one most recently out of this list (over the summer) but it had been on my list for a long time and it really does live up to the hype because it is just so luminous in every sense.

Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer - I had to put this one last simply because HOLY HELL. Rewired my brain. This is the goal I aspire to, this is the dream I dream, this is the highest peak among the mountain range of writing aspirations that I climb. If I can one day write anything even akin to the Southern Reach trilogy I will be ready to die, but that is an utterly unachievable goal so God's just gonna have to let me live forever, I guess.

[dragoneye01]

Under My Skin (Jonathan Crane x Reader)

Word Count: 1,222

Summary: Everyone gets under Jonathan Crane's skin, even the one he likes the most. But you're different.

It was easy to get under Jonathan Crane’s skin. Most people were annoying, picky, and irked him. They got under his skin, but you.  .  . you were different. Oh yes, you did get under his skin. You asked a lot of questions, too many questions. You talked too much about too many things. If he didn’t know you to be an English Literature teacher, he would’ve taken you for a scientist or a philosopher. Your knowledge of the natural world was astounding, along with your takes on the human psyche. It was like a special interest to you, especially the effects of certain fungi on the brain. You were fascinated by the mushroom that controlled creatures, the fungus that moved creatures to its own will. 

Jonathan Crane, for the longest time, thought that you knew about his secret identity, especially after he was let go from Gotham University over shooting a gun off in class. 

“That was you? I thought it had been an overactive student.” You commented when the two of you had met for coffee after the incident. He had just taken up his mantle as The Scarecrow and was on edge, wondering if you KNEW. 

“I’m afraid the students did not appreciate my demonstration and thus I was fired. No one appreciates a good lecture anymore.” Jonathan huffed. 

“No, students are changing. Entitled little brats.” You scoffed. “Did I tell you about the class discussion where I couldn’t dock a student points for being a bigot because of the school’s policy? I wanted to expel this student from my class, but the dean insisted it’d be discriminatory against their beliefs, even though said beliefs were bigoted! Can you believe it? I should just quit school and create a life of crime.” You laughed. 

Jonathan laughed nervously. 

“Yes, a life of crime. And what would you do?” He asked, carefully. 

“Hmm.  .  . maybe I’d perfect an experiment on fungi that can take control of their host, controlling others into doing my bidding. I could release a toxin or cultivate it in a public space so that I could use others to steal money for me. Collecting books is an expensive hobby.” A smile broke out on your face. At that Jonathan could agree. 

And that’s where he found himself now. Using his fear toxin he broke into the Gotham University Library, into the old and interesting section. There were many books there of interest, but he only had eyes for one. It was a story collection from the mid-nineteenth century that centered on gothic fairy tales. Haunting and eerie tales that were beloved to many. You had a soft spot for this collection, so much so that he made sure to wear gloves when handling it. Stealing it was easy. Why keep this book hidden away in a library full of ungrateful people? That was his reasoning. You would love and cherish this book. Display it, keep it out of direct sunlight, find pride in it. 

Jonathan had invited you over to his apartment to share a cup of tea or coffee when he showed you the book. He handed you a pair of soft, cloth gloves and then bestowed the book to you. This was the moment of truth. Would you know who he was? The theft wasn’t in the news. Who would report on one stolen library book? But would you understand how he got it? Would you see his well-kept secret? Would you accept him for who he had become? 

You held the book reverently, easily identifying it as the one from the Gotham University Library. Softly, you whispered, “Jonathan, how did you get this?” 

Jonathan had left the room for a moment to get your cups after the tea had finished steeping. “Oh, don’t you know? I’ve begun a life of crime now and stealing books is my goal.” He said as sarcastically as possible. 

“You’re not lying.” You spoke. Jonathan stared at you, heart skipping a bit. “You have a tell when you’re lying. It’s like you slip, from the years of academia, and you get a twang to your voice. You’re not lying this time. You really did it, didn’t you? I heard rumors at the University about you, ya know? That you had.  .  .”

“That I had what?” He asked quietly, holding the cups of tea. You sat on his sofa with the book held to your chest, eyes open so wide. 

“They call you the Scarecrow now, don’t they?” It was barely above a whisper. 

“That they do, my dear.” Jonathan stared at you intently. 

“And you stole a book for me?” 

“It would appear so.” 

“A favorite of mine. What did you do to get it?” You asked curiously. Jonathan still held the cups, standing in the doorway. 

“I have created a fear toxin and I used it to scare the security guards senseless, letting me sneak in to take the book. It was such a small theft that it wasn’t reported. Can you imagine? That University admitting that someone so easily came in and took what they wanted? They’d never admit to it.” He noticed a look on your face, a look of curiosity. A look of interest. 

“Is it bad that I’m not scared?” 

“Did you know beforehand?” He asked. 

“I guessed.  .  . you know, with how you managed to still live decently after being let go. You seemed to be enraptured in something, but I never could guess what it was. But now.  .  . this is everything. You’re the Scarecrow! The King of Fear!” You laughed loudly, setting the book on the coffee table. Standing up, you walked over to the doorway and took your cup of tea. Jonathan watched your every move. 

“Are you scared?” 

“Should I be?” You asked, breathlessly. 

“Only if you want to be.” You both stood so closely together, taking up space in the doorway. He took a chance. Jonathan reached out a hand and cupped your face, running his thumb over your cheekbone. He leaned in for a chaste kiss, honestly surprised when you didn’t pull away. You pressed your lips to his and then pulled away before he could ask for more. 

“The tea will get cold.” You smiled. 

“That’s true.” He nodded. 

“Would you read to me?” 

“Read to you?” 

“Yes, out of the book. I’d like it if you read one of the stories to me.” You walked over to the sofa again. Jonathan sat with you, knees touching. With gloves on, he picked the book up, flipping it open to a random story. You leaned into his shoulder, listening to the drawl of his words. As he read, his southern accent came out, making the words drip like honey. Jonathan’s eyes scanned the pages, occasionally glancing at you. He never wanted this moment to end. But every story had to have an ending. 

“I almost wish the tale didn’t have to end.” He commented when you finished the gothic retelling of Red Riding Hood. 

“You could always steal me another book and we could keep doing this.” He liked that little smirk that came on your face. “We could have our own personal library. You read me a story. I read you a story. It doesn’t have to end with this.” 

“Oh, my dear, it’s just beginning.” Jonathan smiled, carefully shutting the book.

[auncyen]

I've been poking at sickfic in email drafts the past week and now trying. to actually put it together LOL

-

They took off their cloak to sleep.  That was the mistake.  They're always comfortable with their cloak on, it's like magic.  It's probably a Craft, really, but they've never seen a tailor or fabric shop advertising a Craft that sounds like it.  He's considered a few times asking someone who knows sewing Crafts to look at it--maybe it holds a clue to where he's from--but if it's that rare, would they even recognize it?  And if it's really rare, what if they decided to take it?

(They know most people wouldn't steal a cloak.  But they've been robbed before, and their hat and cloak are too precious to lose.)

… He had been feeling a little off during the day.  Foggy and absent-minded, more than usual.  At one point when the group was taking a break and the others had been distracted with tasks, he indulged himself after finishing his own job of scouting and curled up tight, pulling the cloak up around his face, folding his arms up to his body and tucking in his legs to disappear entirely in the cloak. It was something that felt nice on the very rare occasion they felt too warm, or too cold, or just wanted to hide from the world.

Bonnie had spotted him doing it. Of course someone would, when he lingered in it for so long. "Ha!! Frin looks like a toadstool!" Their voice sounded a bit raspy, but their energy was back, so Siffrin didn't mind them having a laugh at his expense. It was pretty funny to realize, with his broad-brimmed hat still perched on the top of his head, he would look a bit like a huge lumpy mushroom. He wriggled inside the cloak.

"'Course I do. I'm a fungi, after all."

"Ugh! Frin! No!!"

Siffrin couldn't see the others, still curled up in their cozy cloak, but he could hear Odile's scoff just under Isabeau's boisterous laugh. They smiled. Mirabelle was probably still away, gathering firewood--wait, no, they could hear footsteps approaching him, and they sounded like her boots--

"Siffrin? You're not getting sick too, are you?"

He stiffened inside the cloak. He messed up! He worried Mirabelle, when she's already been so anxious over Odile and Bonnie! He popped his head out of the cloak so quickly his hat fell off and smiled up at Mirabelle as she leaned over him, holding a bundle of firewood close to her.

"No, I'm fine!"

"You're sure?" Mirabelle asked. "You're cold, though--you don't get cold very easily." She looked like she was trying to get the wood balanced in one hand and reach out the other to him so she could--?

The one-handed hold must have been too precarious, as she quickly took it back.

"I'm fine, I don't get sick," they reassured her.

"You've gotten sick from eating berries," Bonnie piped up. "You said that was why I had to check any berries I picked with you or Mirabelle."

Yeah. They'd prefer Bonnie check with them just because they know from experience which berries are good and which berries will make one regret being alive, but they also knew Bonnie liked Mirabelle better and Mirabelle said she'd taken wilderness classes at her House and they knew she would always err on the side of caution if she didn't know something was safe, especially if it concerned Bonnie. So. They just wanted to make sure Bonnie check with someone before eating something that might cause them misery. "I've gotten sick from eating bad berries," Siffrin conceded. "But germs have nothing on me. I'm not getting sick like you and Odile were."

"If you're sure…" Mirabelle was still frowning as she looked him over.

"I'm fine! I'll get warm as soon as the fire's going," he added, which had the desired effect of Mirabelle setting about to make the fire instead of fussing over him.

And they really had been fine for most of the evening! The fire had warmed them right up, sometimes too warm so they had to step away, but then they'd start feeling that cold achiness again and come back to the fire. Still, they'd been comfortable enough, thanks to their cloak. They'd eaten a little of the dinner Bonnie made, even if their appetite was strangely absent.

But then they'd taken off the cloak to sleep, and that had been a mistake.  He fell asleep after inching dangerously close to Isabeau, hoping to catch some of the warmth that the man seemed to radiate the few times they'd brushed each other and woke up sweaty, hot but shivering, with Isa looking down at him in concern.

"Isa?" he whispered.

"Sorry, Sif. I was just checking your temperature--you're burning. I think the germs finally gotcha."

"I'm--I'm fine," they muttered. "I'll be fine in the morning." It was still dark as pitch outside, only the dotted lights in the sky providing illumination. They still had some hours to sleep and recover for the next day's travels.

"Sif, if you caught what Bonbon and M'dame had--"

"I'll. I'll be fine, Isa. Don't worry Mira, okay?"

"…Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine. It's fine. Don't worry."

"Sif…" Isabeau sounded far more concerned than he should be. Siffrin would be fine, he just--he just needed to make himself comfortable in the bedroll that had gotten sweaty. They were so tired already, if they just closed their eyes and stayed that way…

They opened their eyes to dawn light and Mirabelle's worried face and groaned.

They didn't feel better at all. They were feeling much worse, even more knowing that they were upsetting Mirabelle.

[thatredheadwriter]

absolution

javi gutierrez x reader (2.7k)

Javi misses your date and has some making up to do.

A/N: This started because I was listening to MAMMAMIA by Maneskin on repeat and I couldn’t stop thinking about Javi G on his knees in front of his lady. These two love the pants off of each other (literally).

This is an NSFW oneshot for female reader with Javi Gutierrez of The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent. This work contains smut and mature language and should not be read by those under 18. As a writer, I will attempt to make accurate warnings for each of my fics, however, I cannot guarantee that I will identify each and every sensitive topic. My works regularly contain swearing, allusions to/mentions of sex, and canon-level violence.

Content Includes (but is not limited to):

fiance!Javi

some D/s dynamics (not hardcore)

dom!reader

sub!Javi

use of religious language to describe sex (there’s a theme, idk)

oral sex (male + female receiving)

anal fingering (male receiving), just a little as a treat

a very sexy dress (link in case you’re having trouble visualizing)

Please read at your own discretion and remember to consume your fanfiction responsibly.

-

10:42 pm

You’re seething as the numbers tick higher on the small clock beside the huge king-sized bed. One thing that never changed in all the hotels you visited with Javi, they all had the same shitty, annoying alarm clock sitting by the bed.

Shooting for this most recent project had so many locations–between photography, location shoots, studio shoots–and Javi insisted on being there for all of them. You’ve spent the last eight months crisscrossing the globe after your fiance and his passion project, watching him work to the bone for some sort of perceived perfection while the rest of the world turned on without him.

Tonight was supposed to be different.

Javi made reservations at the hotel restaurant for seven o’clock and promised he would be there. In all your time knowing him, he’d never broken a date with you, or anyone for that matter. But when eight o’clock rolled around, you settled back in your chair, called the waitress over, and ordered.

The mushroom risotto was delicious and the chardonnay tasted as expensive as it billed. You had the rest of the bottle sent up to your room for good measure. And now you’re waiting. Because good food and wine have sated your hunger, but not your fire.

It’s not until 11:03 that you hear the electronic click of the lock and your fiance finally enters the room. He strides in with his back to you,

“Late night?” you clear your throat and retrieve your half-finished glass from the low table by your seat.

Javi turns on a dime and his mouth falls open. Even from your seat across the room, you can practically see his pupils dilate as he takes in your form, clad in the sexiest dress you’d ever braved. It featured a false wrap-style v-neck, and for the kicker–double thigh slits. If you moved a certain way, it was clear you weren’t wearing underwear beneath.

You’d shown up at dinner dressed to the nines, dripping in the jewelry Javi had bought you over the years. And you’d left the same way. In the suite, you’d dressed down, putting your heels away in the small closet and taking everything off except for the earrings you always left in and the pendant he’d gifted you for your first anniversary–a single blue-green sapphire set in white gold that hung just perfectly at the crest of your cleavage.

“It’s the same color as the sea back home. Reminds me of you, because well, you’re my home too,” he’d explained as you had looked over it speechlessly.

“Have you eaten? My dinner was delicious,” you stand and turn your body to face the window, but your eyes stay on him.

You see it in his eyes. The exact moment he remembers the date he planned and everything he promised you, swept up in time and replaced with this crackling tension between you.

“Mi amor,” his face pales instantly as he crosses the room to you, but you hardly give him a glance. Instead, you lazily sip at the wine in your glass and circle the room to maintain your distance. “Please forgive me. I got caught up at work. I’m so sorry.”

“I waited for you, Javi,” you finish the wine and set the glass on top of a dresser, striding languidly towards the bed. “Alone in that damn restaurant.”

“Fuck, my love, it was never my intention to leave you there tonight. The shooting ran late and then the director wanted to go over some things, and then one of the actor’s agents called about a contract dispute…It’s a poor excuse, I know. I just now got away, and…Please forgive me, mi amorcita.”

“I won’t be a bystander in your life, Javi,” you settle yourself on the end of the bed and part your legs so the fabric parts around them. “It hurt me, sitting there alone. I miss my fiance.”

Javi drops to his knees in front of you, his gorgeous face twisted in anguish. “Please, tell me how to make it up to you.”

Showing the slightest mercy, you reach for him and relish the way he leans into your touch. With the softest grip on his golden chocolate curls, you guide his cheek to rest on the inside of your bare thigh. “Beg.”

So close to what he wants, he’ll never take it without your permission, even as he eyes the wetness peeking out from under the slit in your skirt.

“I want to taste you, please. I want to drown in you and feel you cum on my tongue. Let me give you as many orgasms as you can take.”

“I don’t know if you deserve it,” you muse, pretending to be distracted by something on the bedspread. The truth is, you know you’ll cave as soon as you look him in those gorgeous brown eyes.

“Please, princesa, I know I fucked up,” his accent weighs heavy with his distress. Javi’s hand traces up and down the outside of your thigh, “Let me make it up to you.”

You look down at your fiance, and your heart breaks a little. He didn’t mean to forget dinner, and you know he feels awful. Besides, he’s been terribly stressed with his new project and it’s not like you two have spent much time together lately, not like you used to.

“Okay, Javi, I forgive you. Now make me cum,” you purr.

A giggle escapes when he hooks his arms around your knees, forcing you to land back on the bed with a light bounce.

“I am so fucking sorry, mi querida,” he growls, sucking and kissing up the skin of your inner thighs. “I swear on my life, on my father’s grave, it will never happen again.”

You want to remind him that maybe now isn’t the best time to bring up his dead father, but then he swipes his thumb against your clit and all that comes out is a high-pitched moan

“Fuck, Jav,” you reach down to bury your hands in his curls and feel him nip at your skin in response.

“Never leaving this bed again,” he licks the flat of his tongue up your slit and you buck your hips up, chasing the sensation. “Can’t leave you, can’t leave this.”

Javi is a man used to the finer things in life. It’s what happens when you grow up on a huge estate, surrounded by servants, never wanting for anything. But one thing has always sated him, left him content and pliant at the end of your fingertips, and he’ll drink at it for hours if you let him.

You’re still clothed, however the dress you’d specially chosen for the occasion is just garnish. He’d been meant to savor it all through dinner, feast his eyes before taking an indulgence of the flesh, but you were never one to deny your lover. Especially when his absolution feels so divine.

From the first time he took you to bed, Javi made it a point to learn you. He was certainly a skilled lover, but over time he’s grown incredibly attuned to every little sound, every little twitch and jerk as he works you over. And he’s certainly eager.

A steady-building pleasure grows in your belly as he licks from your entrance up to your clit, over and over. Each time you can feel the proud jut of his nose bumping against that little bundle of nerves as he dips lower.

Your first orgasm comes quickly, and your fingers grip hard at Javi’s hair. But he doesn’t stop. If anything it spurs him on further. The taste of your first release drives him on and you can’t help but cry out when he sucks on your clit.

-

You’re not sure how long it is, or how many times you’ve cum, but eventually you’re overstimulated to the point of pain. You push Javi’s head away from your core, making him whine.

“S’too much,” you pant, “Gotta give me a break.”

At the blown-out look in your eyes, he’s worried. “Did I do too much? I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, Javi, you never hurt me. M’just sensitive is all.”

You reach for him and he obliges, laying down beside you on the bed. Now that he’s finally close, you pull him in for a deep kiss, whining when you taste yourself on his tongue. When you need air again, he just kisses and nips down your jaw, still putting his mouth to really good use.

“I’m so sorry, mi amorcita,” he murmurs into the tender skin he soothes with a kiss. “My mind has just been so-so…scrambled lately.”

“I know, Jav. I’ve been a little worried about you.”

At your confession, his face falls. You know he never wants you to worry about anything.

“You work too hard, Javi,” you continue, running your hand down his exposed chest. “Too much espresso, not enough sleep.”

Your love sighs deeply under your touch, a weight lifting at your words. “I will do better.”

“Let me relieve some of that stress?” your lip curls in a smirk as your hand slips lower and lower until you’re fiddling with the buckle of his belt. Just below, his zipper is struggling to contain an impressive erection, the thought of which already has you salivating.

Javi flushes, voice raspy all of a sudden. “I still have some making up to do, no?”

You shake your head as you slip from the bed beside him into nearly the same spot he was in moments ago. “This night was supposed to be about you, cariño. I’d like to get it back on schedule.”

He doesn’t breathe as you settle into position, a serpent preparing to strike. Your hands run up and down his clothed thighs, just to feel him tremble beneath you.

“Easy, baby,” you soothe. “Gonna let me get you all nice and relaxed?”

Looking up at him, you wonder how you got so lucky. His curls are disheveled, sticking every which way from your grip on them as he brought you to ecstasy after ecstasy. Sweat glistens across his golden skin, flushed from the summer heat and more. You want nothing more than to bite his bottom lip, the one that sticks out as he pants for breath, nodding eagerly as you finally cup his bulge with your hand.

“Words,” you click your tongue at him.

“Yes, please.”

With his consent, you take your time with his belt, removing it completely from the loops and setting it to the side. Then you’re undoing his pants, careful not to pinch or pull on the skin that pushes up against his waistband. As the button pops open, you lean forward and give the imprint it left behind a kiss, and Javi shudders above you. You’re just as methodical with the zipper, pulling it down tooth by tooth until it reaches its end.

When you look back at your fiance, his face is caught in a mixture of concentration and ecstasy, eyes pinched shut as his chest heaves with the struggle of staying still.

“Javi.”

Deep brown eyes find yours in a heartbeat, searching for answers, instructions, pleasure. Whatever you’re willing to give.

“I love you.”

Immediately he relaxes, the curve of his spine returning to normal as some of the energy pent up from his day releases, leaving only room for you and the pleasure that’s to come.

“I love you too, mi princesa.”

“Tell me you want me to suck your cock.”

A groan rattles somewhere in his chest and his knuckles go white as he grips the sheets. Javi is vocal about giving you pleasure, but tends to go mute when asked about his own. But you’re not doing anything else until he asks for it. You want him to get used to asking for what he needs. You won’t let him burn himself out like this anymore.

“I want-I want you…mierda. I want you to suck my cock. Please,” he rasps, little more than a whisper.

You grin up at him as your hand slips under the band of his boxer briefs to find the weeping head of his cock. “You’re so good for me Javi,” you praise as you run your thumb through the dribble of precum that’s gathered there. “Telling me what you want. I love that, thank you.”

He’s more than ready when you finally take him out, but you still take your time. The first sloppy kiss to his head and Javi is digging his fingers into the bed below, brow knit in concentration. You work your way down to his neatly trimmed base before coming back up the other side.

Javi’s fingers thread through your hair, not insistent, just an anchor to the present. He tugs lightly when you first swallow him down, curses dripping from his kiss-swollen lips. After all your time together, you know exactly what it takes to get him right to the edge. Your tongue works the underside of him as you lazily bob up and down.

Your eyes cut to his to find them glued on yours as you work him. “Fuck, Jesus, querida, stop or I’m going to-”

You pull off of him, but your hand still works up and down his shaft. “You’re going to cum for me Javi, just like this. Let this be your final penance.”

With that you go back to your task, taking him down your throat until your eyes water. Two of your fingers gather some of the spit and precum that’s dribbled down to his base and you use it to gently work against the tight ring of muscle just a few inches below.

Javi looks divine like this. The tendons in his neck bulge as he throws his head back in pleasure. He’s screwed his eyes shut and you wish you could be in two places at once so you could lick the bead of sweat away forming at his temple.

“Wanted to- wanted to, fuck- I wanted to fuck you like you deserve,” he pants through gritted teeth. “But this is…” He doesn’t finish, because that’s when your fingers press in to breach his ass, and a low groan rattles through his chest.

The taste of him hits as you curl your fingers against his prostate. His fingers scratch against your scalp as you swallow against him again and again until he’s a shaking, muttering mess above you.

You release his softening cock with a soft pop sound and grin up at your utterly wrecked, not-a-stressed-bone-left-in-his-body fiance. As he tries to catch his breath, you rise from your position on the floor and hope Javi can’t hear your knees pop as you slide onto the bed next to him.

Javi pulls you in for a kiss and tugs you up the bed so you can lay beside of him. He doesn’t pull away until you’re firmly tangled in his embrace.

“I love you, and I’m so sorry about dinner.”

You smooth a hand over his disheveled curls. “Javi, you’re forgiven. Just don’t forget that you have a life outside of work. I will do everything in my power to support you in whatever you choose to do, but I won’t watch you neglect yourself. I love you too much.”

“I hear you. And I will…I will try to do better.”

“That’s all I ask. Maybe one day this week you can let the cast and crew have a break and we can have a do-over for dinner?” you ask hopefully.

“Yes, I think maybe Tuesday, or Wednesday. We’re supposed to shoot with-”

“Details later, Jav,” you silence him with a peck to the lips. “You never answered my question earlier. Did you get a chance to eat?”

He winces a bit and gives you a look, “I had some crackers and hummus from food services.”

“Let’s call down for room service and then you should get some rest. I plan on letting you do some more making up before you head off to set tomorrow.”

[sleepingelvhen]

Red Wine [Pt. 1] SFW 🍷

Baldur's Gate III

Enver Gortash/Reader SFW

Triggers: None (yet)

Masterlist

NOTE: Apologies for disappearing. I've been very busy lately and so fanfictions will be rather slow for a while. Hopefully, this will simply be proof that I am working on projects and improving my writing as often as I can. Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy. 🌹

‘Meet me in my room’ was the message he had sent you. Just a simple prod into your mind from the connection between your tadpoles, a short and straight-to-the-point request, yet one that left you more excited than you realized you could be towards him.

It isn’t like you don’t like him. He’s handsome and charming, despite the slight bit of derangement, but beyond all that he is crafty and talented. That’s what you like about Enver Gortash, his passion toward his crafts and his abilities.

You meet him in his quarters later that evening after freshening up, only donning some light clothes for sleeping. And as expected, he was waiting for you, sitting at his desk with a feathered quill in his hand writing whatever it was he wrote in the middle of the night. Probably some new concepts for more iron-kind, or maybe his own secret fanfiction about him being the ultimate ruler of Faerun with everyone bowing before him and kissing his feet.

 Now that would be something to discover about him. The big scary tyrant of Baldur’s Gate writing little stories about being a big scary tyrant of the world. Just the thought made a little chuckle rise up your throat, the sound being enough to make Gortash lift his head and turn to look at you over his shoulder.

“Ah, you’re here. Good.” He pushes his chair back, making certain to flip over his papers. Maybe he was writing something embarrassing to be so meticulous in hiding it.

“I couldn’t ignore an order from the Lord Gortash himself, could I?” You speak with a lilt to your voice, always enjoying the little back and forth of faux respect that the two of you have; titles and formalities used to mock rather than to give either an advantage in conversation and status.

“I suppose not if we are putting titles into consideration. But this was a personal request, meaning you were, indeed, free to ignore my invitation.”

“Truly? I guess I’ll be leaving then.”

“Go right ahead.” You can hear the offense in his voice, the way his words sound almost clipped, the way he punctuates them with a click of his tongue. 

“You want me to leave then?”

“No, I don’t.” 

You smiled at that, your own guard melting in his honest gaze. Perhaps now was not the right time for teasing.

“I don’t want to leave, either.” You admit, looking into his eyes for more signs that this was fine, that you weren’t making a glaring mistake in letting down your guard. His shoulders seem to relax, that easy smile of his stretching into something you swear is genuine.

“Here, I have some wine.” Gortash strides over to his wall of bookshelves; bookshelves that hold everything aside from books. There are vials of liquids and other substances, journals, multiple kinds of writing instruments, cups stained with what looks like paint, and multiple kinds of wines. The books lie on the floor, on his desk, and sit in stacks on his bedside table; everywhere but the bookshelves. 

He grasps for a fancy-looking bottle, and finds two clean wine glasses amongst the mess, pouring a deep red into each before handing one to you.

“Sourced from the Underdark, if you can imagine. It’s rare and quite expensive.”

The wine smells sweet and bitter at the same time – common for most reds – but with an undertone of something woodsy or maybe even salty. The taste is strong, the flavor a burst of fruit and mushroom; a bitter bite of cranberry and pepper. 

“That’s…different.” Is all you can manage to say, the flavor sitting upon your tongue for but a moment before vanishing as if it were never there.

“I never said it would be good.” 

“I never said it was bad.”

“Is it good, then?” He asks the question with a raise of his brow, taking a moment to sniff the wine’s deceptive aroma. You mimic his action, pretending to really think about the question before answering.

“I’m not sure, I can’t remember..”

“And that’s what makes this wine so exquisite,” he begins, taking a long sip and scowling a split second before his expression relaxes. “The flavor goes away so fast, you forget the taste, then drink again and again until you are so drunk you can’t remember if it was good or bad, only that it’s addicting and you absolutely need more.”

“Ah, so it’s more like a drug then?”

“I suppose you could say that, yes.”

You swirl the wine in the glass, noting the unique color of it, how it almost seems to reflect back a perfect image of yourself, before continuing.

“Is that your plan then? To get me drunk and have some fun with me?”

Gortash sputters into his glass, wine splashing over his face and clothes. He coughs a moment, setting down the drink while trying to pat the wine from his face and where it clung to the hairs on his chest.

“Why–why would you assume that?”

“Maybe because you invited me here and gave me a wine that supposedly gets you drunk super quickly? What else am I supposed to think?”

“My dear,” he laughs at the absurdity of your comment. “I don’t need to get you drunk to bed you. The wine was simply to relax the tensions between us.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You ask with a straight face, eyes intense in their gaze. Gortash falters a moment.

“What?”

“You said you didn’t need to get me drunk to bed me. You really think I’d just jump into bed with you?”

“My dear-”

“I’m not so easily swayed, Enver. I don’t just sleep with anyone who gives me wine.”

“That’s not–”

“You are a damned fool if you really think I’d just–”

“Would you let me speak before jumping to such obscene conclusions!?”

His shout echoes within the room, nearly rattling the glasses upon his shelves and causing you to shut your mouth. Gortash takes a deep breath, whispering something to himself before making his way back to his desk and picking up the paper from before.

“The comment wasn’t aimed as an insult.”

“Well, that’s how it sounded.”

He shoots an irritated glare your way before handing the paper to you with a frown.

“Read this.” He says, eyes flickering between your gaze and the wall.

Hesitantly, you take the thin paper into your hands, setting your drink to the side.

1492 DR – Entry 55 – Personal Note

Much has happened in this recent year. My command over Baldur’s Gate has, of course, gone as smoothly as ever, especially with the help of these little parasites within my brain. The others seem dedicated the this ‘Absolute’s’ will, but I am not so thoroughly convinced. The powers, of course, are nice and welcomed even, but following another is just accepting a chain around my throat for them to pull when I inevitably step out of line. 

The surprise as of recent has been the travelers who have recently arrived and have been causing trouble within the master plan. Specifically their leader. They seem kind but are reasonably cautious. Intelligent. Masterful. Skillful. Beautiful.

I have found myself unable to express disdain towards them and that concerns me. Normally a kindness as theirs would be seen as a weakness. But they show ruthlessness in their actions despite our opposing views. And all I seem to desire is them. I can’t think of anything else. It plagues me, haunts me – their face, their body, their voice….

Your eyes widen as you read the missive. What he had been writing before wasn’t plans or a story like you thought, but a diary entry. Funny thought, that Enver Gortash keeps a diary, but not unusual; most people do. But these words, this confession. Gortash’s face is red when you look back up at him.

“The comment was not meant to offend.” He says again.

“You were trying to flirt with me?” You ask and his nod is both pathetic and endearing. This man, someone who rules and controls Baldur’s Gate, was stumbling over himself trying to show affection to the one person he definitely shouldn’t be having these feelings for. 

And through the obscenity of it all, the reality of such strange times, you can’t help but start laughing. The laughter bubbles up all of a sudden, a surprise to your chest and your voice, your lips pulled taught into a smile impossible to contain. The paper falls from your hands as you cover your mouth and when Gortash’s brows knit together in offense and confusion, you stumble forward, grab the stained lapels of his fancy jacket, and pull him into a kiss full of fitful giggles.

[namesareweird579]

Ochre's heart

Ochre is an unremarkable dragon, he always was and always would be whether he was in some world saving prophecy or not, but he didn't care, he never cared just as long as he had something to eat he would be fine, After all why should he care? Nobody ever cared about him, Nobody ever cared about his well-being? He always felt like he was missing something when he was in the Talons of Peace, he didn't even want to be there, he was only there because the talons of peace didn't know what to do with him. He thought he'd never feel anything other than apathy for the situation he previously found himself in, but after one mission he was sent in order to get him to do something useful he found something he never knew he was looking for, a family. Reunited with his sibs he now feels loved, noticed and appreciated

Ochre was peacefully napping in a burrow, he wasn't in very deep sleep as he could hear various noises from bugs and birds, Ochre didn't mind though he just continued napping in the burrow under covers made out of moss and pillows woven out of reeds filled with cattails, he continued to lay their until he felt someone nudge him. Ochre to preceded slowly open his dreary eyes and turned to see who nudged him, it was another mudwing who was much bigger than him, this mudwing had copper colored scales, a light tan under scales, curled ram like horns and two eye piercing eyes one orange and one Navy blue, this dragon was Ochre's bigwings named Cow and despite his angry glare Ochre wasn't very intimidated.

“It is time to rise…” grunted Cow, Ochre grumbled he could feel shifting near him and turned to see some of his other sibs Fireback and Villiuamite, Villiuamite was the group’s treasurer as his small statue allowed him to crawl into small spaces other bigger mudwings couldn't reach. Fireback was their war strategist. Fireback and Villiiamite both had scars while Villiamite only had some claw marks scratched across his face and parts of his tail and Stomach, poor Fireback was covered in scars, including a snapped off horn and a slashed out eye, supposedly out of all their sibs she had the most because she happen to hatch out with Flame resist scales, the flame resistance scales that he was supposedly supposed to have. As Fireback and Villiuamite crawled out of the makeshift blanket fort, Ochre craned his neck he could smell something cooking in the distance, which enticed him enough to decide it was worth it to leave too. Ochre slowly crawled out of the burrow followed by Villiuamite, Fireback, and Cow. Ochre eventually made it to the main living area where the rest of his sibs were. They were surrounding a dead tree stump with a partially eaten strawberry pie in the middle of the area. The area was dimly lit by bioluminescent Oyster mushrooms clinging to the roots of a tree holding up this part of the burrow. The walls of the burrow were decorated with random random leaves, acorns, drawings, and other not very expensive of things, the most notable being a terrarium filled with different kinds of invertebrates, lying on a wood table, According to Villiuamite, it was Bulrush's bug collection which he got very defensive about other dragons touching, Ochre asked them why'd they kept this stuff, Villiuamite said because it was pretty; Bulrush went on a tangent about bugs. Ochre continued to wander around the burrow noticing a few more holes lining the bottom part of the walls. The holes lead to various other places like, the treasury, a kitchen, alternative sleeping quarters which made Ochre wish he could crawl into but Cow or Cinquefoil would just drag him out, he'd have to wait till sunset before doing that. Cinquefoil was the group’s medic; she had vast knowledge over different herbs, minerals, and other items, though most of her advice boiled down to sit in the mud until you felt better. Ochre could see Cinquefoil staring at him, seeing if he would try to go to the sleep quarters anyways, Ochre decided that it wasn't worth the headache

Ochre's sibs sat on pillows near the tree stump and casually talked about random things. He wandered towards them and sat down next to a free space towards them, he could see Bulrush glancing at his bug collection, besides being a bug collector Bulrush was the group's gatherer as he had a keen eye for finding all kinds of things though he wasn't quite as keen when it came to the specifics of what he gathered which was why Cinquefoil was their medic and not him.

“Do you want some?” one of his sibs asked. This one was named Billabong. He was quite jittery and panicky, Billabong was always full of energy. He was the group’s communicator. he’d often spend time talking with Fireback about battle strategies. Ochre eagerly looked at the pie.

“Sure, I guess” Ochre grumbled

“Ochre… if you wanted some, you could just have some” one of his other sibs replied. This one was Agardite, Agardite had his right horn partially snapped off and didn't really have a role in their sib group so Agarite would often spend time just helping his other sibs with their roles.

“Of course we made this specifically for you” Buttercup responded. Finally there was Buttercup. Buttercup was the cook of the sib group, she would take the stuff that Cinquefoil or Bulrush would grab and cook it up into items that Ochre had never seen before. Buttercup had a calming soothing voice that would always feel a little sad, it was strange… he would watch his sibs play, and fight, and sleep, and just be there they would always be around eachother, Cow and Buttercup would always be a shoulder to cry on, Billabong and Villiuamite would always crack jokes to make you feel better, Fireback and Bulrush would just sit there then give tales about their lives, and Cinquefoil and Agardite despite their strict nature would always have a piece of advice to give it felt strange… he never knew what it was like to really belong to anything, while their was the prophecy no one really cared about him and he didn't care about anyone which was fine or atleast that's what he thought he never really thought about how the other false dragonets had someone to rely on, there was Viper's parents and uncle, Flame's mother, Squid’s father who he always made sure to remind everyone how important he was as the talons of peace leader’s son, and Fatespeaker's… Fatespeaker didn't really have anyone either… but that didn’t matter she had someone now, though Ochre thought about how he had someone now too, Ochre's head ached thinking about it and he groaned. Suddenly he was poked by someone

“Are you okay Ochre?” Buttercup Asked

“I'm fine” Ochre grumbled “Just thinking.”

“About what?” Agardite asked

“Life.” Ochre replied. “it's nothing to worry about “.

“Are you thinking about the Talons again, Ochre?” Cow asked, Ochre didn't respond. “Hmmm” Cow said “Just as I assumed…”

“I know you haven't been with us for a while…but, mayhaps you could tell us more about your time at the talons of peace…”

“There's not much to talk about!” Ochre grumbled “ We just moved around a bunch, sat in a volcano for like two weeks, then I sat with the Talons of Peace since they didn't know what to do with me!”

“Did they camp in the mud kingdom?” Cinquefoil asked

“They did…” Ochre said

“Did you get a chance to explore the mud kingdom?” Cinquefoil continued

“Of course not, most of the members hated how dreary and bog ridden it was, so we tried to stay as far away from it as we could, we didn't even stay there for a month…” Ochre snorted

“Mother never tried to take you? I know mudwings don't do parents but surely she would've wanted you to be able to experience it, As a fellow mudwing? Villiuamite asked

“Nope, she never bothered to take me” Ochre replied “But that's alright, It's not like I cared about her either”

The group paused with various concerned and disappointed expressions

“That's truly unfortunate” Cow hissed

“But at least you Have us now!” Villiaumite chirped, Ochre didn't respond. “Right?” Ochre turned to the sib group, it was strange, to see all these dragons trying to make him feel better, it made him feel weird and he found that he kind of liked the feeling

“Yeah…” Ochre said. Then he smiled

“I guess I do…”

End

[winterandwords]

Happy STS! I know I'm pushing it lol. I've noticed a lot of writers thinking or knowing they wouldn't survive in the world's they created. Which one of your stories do you think you're most likely to thrive or survive in?

I'm answering this on Sunday because fuck the system 😁

So much of Noah and Brett's lifestyle is built on my own "What I would do if I had the money" dreams (not the murdering part though).

Providing I had their level of affluence, I'd absolutely thrive in a big house by the sea, buying insanely expensive socks, and enjoying a continuous supply of magic mushrooms, excellent food, and fancy holidays.