#Working my last shift for the week tonight also just in time for my bday

[cxpperhead]

SPOILERS AHEAD if you've ever watched T.he D.ragon P.rince but after all this time, I may have finally found a voiceclaim for Copperhead? Everything about it just *chef's kiss* from the quiet, calm way the character talks which is very much in line with how Copperhead communicates! Consider Aaravos this boy's new VC!

[akaashisupremacy]

Job Wanted: Boyfriend

Summary: Makki is callous w/ his words. After a big fight, he knows he needs to make changes. Can he make things work before it’s too late? 

Notes: Right on time for Hanamki’s birthday!! In the fic it’s his actual bday too lol!! Inspired by hcs about Hanamaki’s toxic traits that lives in my mind rent free!

January Fic List || Masterlist || Read it on Ao3

Hanamaki  x reader  

genre: ANGST, lovers to exes to ??, pining, tw: toxic-ish relationship (wc: 1.9 k)

“It’s not my job to be your boyfriend.” Takahiro Hanamaki mutters with his arms crossed, “Stop trying to police what I have to say!”

Your eyes widen in disbelief. You knew it was over between you two then and there.

You met Makki while working in a soba restaurant. He was charismatic, smart and efficient. Whenever you two were on the same shift, he tried to make the work fun. You both started hanging out after work—indie films in the university theatre, library study sessions, walks home after work. Makki even traded shifts just to see you more often.

All you were asking from him was to be more sensitive. Enough was enough. Sure he liked you and you liked him, but compatibility was a separate thing altogether. He knew you were touchy about comments on your art, your looks and your confidence, but he just didn’t know when to shut up.

“You’re wearing that sweater really?”

“This piece looks okay, like subpar on a good day.”

If he doesn’t want to have to be careful with his words, then  you don’t want to have to be around him. You swiftly grab your things and walk out the door. When it finally sinks into him two seconds later, he stumbles onto the door apologizing. You refuse to hear any of it.

“I didn’t mean it-- ”

But fun hang outs and serious dating are two different things, and the end of your relationship proved just that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Makki tries to apologize to you when he sees you, but nothing seems to work. Eventually he gives in and allows you both to drift apart—he stops catching you in the library and trading shifts, which was fine by you.

After a few months, Makki finds himself staring at his phone one fateful afternoon. He’s still debating whether to make the call or not. In the end, he shrugs his shoulders. There’s really nothing to lose.

When you see his name, you pick up because of your curiosity more than anything.

“To what do I owe this occasion?” you snort. You hear him repress a chuckle.

“Damn, I haven’t said anything yet and you’re hostile already.” he laughs. You threaten to put the phone down.

“Hey, on my last birthday you said that may all your wishes come true, right? Well, my next birthday is coming up and my wish is to spend the day with you.”

“I’m in Kyoto right now. You’re in Tokyo.” you point out. You are both on semestral break. Has he already forgotten that you spend your breaks with your grandmother in Kyoto?

“I’ll take the day off and I’ll come down to see you.” he holds his breath as he waits to hear your answer, “We haven’t hung out in a while.” he adds casually.

“Can’t you just spend it with someone else?” you sigh somewhat resigned, “The not hanging out part is on you. Don’t put that on me.”

You could hear him thoughtfully inhale on the phone before he replies, “No, I want to spend it with you. Besides, I’ve always wanted to see Kyoto.”

“I’m ending the call now.” you roll your eyes, unnerved by the whole conversation. The audacity of this man!

“I promise I won’t do anything or say anything dumb!” you hear him yell over the phone as you get ready to end the conversation.

“Sure.” You click the end call button.

———————————————————————

On his birthday, you do go out with him. You find yourself waiting at the Kyoto Central Station, wading through the crowds to find his light brown head searching intently for you. He smiles when he sees you. You feel a mixture of sadness and nerves. You’d never thought he’d be so callous with you when he first smiled at you like this.

If anything, today is little more than a break from work. You’re also determined to be so quiet to the point of cold to make the experience so awkward he’ll never want to come to you again.

“I really want to change.” is the first thing he says to you over doughnuts and coffee.

Makki can easily tell that you are still not back to your old self. Despite the strong smell of brewed coffee that pervades the Kyoto Central Station, you sit quietly on your seat distractedly eating a sandwich.

You almost pretend to not hear him. Instead you turn to him with a blank expression in your face and look away.

“I’m serious. I know I have a problem. You’re not the first person to leave me for the things I’ve said.” he adds.

“I’m sure the next person you date will appreciate that.” you mumble diplomatically.

“Don’t give up on me.” you hear his voice pleading, his eyes sincere and not their usual sleepy nonchalance.

You put down the donut and cross your arms, “I don’t owe you a second chance. You know that, right?”

“I’m really sorry—“

“Makki, I hate so many things about myself. I don’t need you to taunt or repeat them to me. You’re an above average friend at best, but you’re a terrible person to date. I can’t even call you my boyfriend because you you said it wasn’t your ‘job.’” you sigh deeply with your hand on your forehead, “Can you see why I’m not enthusiastic about you?”

Announcements left and right and the ceaseless shuffling of the busy station fill the voids of your conversation.

“So why spend the day with me?” he pauses, eyes wide with curiosity looking straight into yours.

“To prove a point to you. Even when you’ve made the effort to come down here, you’re finding it difficult to watch what you say. Do you find that sustainable?” you tilt your head inquiringly.

He nods, less confident than usual “I want it to be sustainable.” There was some uncertainty in his eyes.

“I can already see it, Makki. Two weeks of this and you’ll be ready to blow your top because you’ll be tired from having to be on edge all the time.”

“I’ve got to start somewhere, right? It’s a change of mindset I’m realizing, but it’s not impossible. I’ve been trying to be more careful and it’s been easier. I’m just a little tense because I’m around you today.” he says quietly, “I’m really trying. I promise.”

“Feels nice to be the one that’s not tense,” you let slip a smirk.

———————————————————————————————

At the end of the day, you’re back at the train station with Makki beside you. You’ve taken him to see the Golden Pavilion and its surrounding touristy streets. You stop by a bookstore and a shop for sweets. You buy a book, he buys mochi. Despite your coldness, Makki was intent on catching up with you. He wants to know what you’ve been up to, what movies you’ve been catching, what your grandmother’s inn is like. It’s difficult not to warm up to him.

“Can I kiss you goodbye?” he abruptly asks before heading to his platform. You’ve made your way back down to the center of the train station where all the schedule is displayed.

The first time Makki held your hand was in a train station in Tokyo. You were on your way back from a concert when he slipped his hand into yours in the busy platforms. You don’t pull away, instead you hold on tight. You remember pressing your head against his chest on the ride home, his chin resting on the top of your head. Neither of you said much. The companionship was more than enough. That moment seems so long ago.

“No.” you swiftly reply.

“Not even a forehead kiss?”

You firmly shook your head. You half expect him to insist and push, to say something about you being a prude and playing hard to get, but instead he just nods.

“Can I hold your hands? I want to hold you before I go.” Makki doesn’t murmur nor is he reticient. He speaks in his regular tone, extending his hands to meet your midway.

You hesitate at first then grudgingly agree. You reach out to hold him, your fingers lingering on each other’s barely interlaced.

“Let me know when you’re coming back to Tokyo. I can meet you at the train station and help you with your luggage.” he waves before turning his back. You watch him get lost in the crowd of the station.

After Makki leaves, you head back to the inn to help with the dinner service which is more crowded than usual. Your Obasan is grateful that you made it back.

Towards the end of dinner service, your phone rings incessantly. You curse and head outside of the kitchen to quickly answer the call. Of course, it’s from Hanamaki.

“You could’ve just texted.”

“I miss you already. I just wanted to hear your voice.” he says. His usual flirtatious tone is absent.

“Now that you’ve heard it, can you put it down? I need to go. Obasan needs my help.” you whisper hurriedly, “Now is a terrible time to call.”

“If you want to stop talking, you don’t need to drag your grandma into this.”

“I’m serious, she needs help washing the dishes. You can call later when we’re done with tonight’s service.” you chastise him, “We’re a little short staffed in the kitchen. You should know what it’s like.”

You rush back in to help wash the dishes as your Obasan brings more dirty trays of dishes. Momentarily you put Makki out of your mind. But when the inn becomes quiet again, you pull out your phone and stare at it.

Do you make the call again? After ten minutes of indecision, you give in and make the call.

Makki sounds slightly surprised on the other end of the line, “Done with dinner service?” He probably expected you to not follow through.

“Yeah, done for today.”

He clears his throat, “I slipped something into the book you bought. Did you see it yet?”

You put the phone down to reach for your bag. A thin white envelope is sandwiched between the first page and the cover. You open it up. He hears you unfolding the letter.

“Care to explain?” you ask with an eyebrow raised as you read through the lines. Hanamaki Takahiro sent you a resume…?

“It’s my application—“

“We don’t need another dishwasher here. Besides, you live too far away.” you cut him off.

“To date you.” he finishes. You’re too stunned to reply. You feel your heart skip a beat as you fumble at your phone.

“Don’t pass your judgement just yet.” he adds, “I know I have a lot to prove. I want it to be my job to love you and make you happy. Just know that.”

“...I’m not sure I want to give you a second chance.” you whisper, your voice inevitably cracking. You clutch the envelope a little too tightly, accidentally crumpling it.

Makki pauses before answering, “That’s up to you, but I-I’ll be here in case you do. Anyways, thanks for spending the day with me. I missed you a lot and I’d like to come back someday…if you can let me come over.”

You listen to him breathe in the other end of the line. You imagine him twiddling with a pen with one hand and his phone on the other.

“Goodnight, Makki.” you nod. You missed him too and you want him to come back. You don’t say yes or no, nor will you make promises. For now you let things hang in the balance.

------------------------------------------------

If you liked my style of ansgt, you can check out another hq ansgt about Daichi here. 

Taglist: @itstheee-ha-chan @kaizumi @holaaaf @glxar @francxsca

If you wanna be added, DM or comment!! Don’t be shyyyy

[blissfulsun]

3rd installation of the lessons in love series, written for and with my angel Nics in mind because it’s my best frenssss bday!!! I love you so much💖@vlobsessed

word count: 2,311

A masterpiece in the making // Jeff Wittek

‘You’ve been quiet...’ 

It’s a simple observation made by Jeff, his fingers intertwined in your own as he leads the way and you follow. 

The fact you look so much like a couple right now is not lost on you, hands clasped tightly together and his jacket adorning your frame. 

An older lady even smiles as she walks past you two, it’s the fondness in his eyes that’s corresponding your own which makes her compliment how lovely of a couple you make. 

He’s right, you’ve been quiet since then, far too focused on the hammering in your chest and whether Jeff can hear it. 

If not that, then he can definitely feel just how clammy your palm has become. 

‘Angel?’ there’s humour in his tone, underlying concern that dances in his eye when you finally look up at him just as he pulls your clasped hand up and lays a feather light kiss to the rings adorning each finger. 

‘Sorry, ‘m just hungry’ it’s half a lie, since your stomach does grumble following the confession. 

Jeff knows there’s more to it, but he also knows how you operate, will tell him what’s on your mind when you’re ready. 

Besides, his primary concern right now is to feed you before you get grumpy, a look consisting of a permanent pout and furrowed brows that he secretly loves. 

‘What my girl wants she gets’ You soften, staring up at him with uncontrollable wonder but Jeff just misses it, already looking around the street for a place you might like. 

You end up in a quiet coffee shop, quaint and homely despite it’s location in the city, yourself taking a seat after Jeff has promised he already knows what you want as he goes to order. 

He sits close in the corner booth, your thighs touching and one of his arms around your shoulders while the other pushes another dose of caffeine your way. 

‘Is it-’ You begin to ask. ‘oat milk? Course, told you I know exactly what you like baby.’ 

He feels smug in the way his words seem to make you frazzled, teeth nipping at your bottom lip which makes his heart lodge itself in his throat in return, accidental payback. 

Because you are, frazzled that is, it’s a simple detail: knowing how you like your coffee or that you always forget to bring a jacket wherever you go. 

It’s the choosing to remember that keeps you in your own head so much on this day, Jeff’s choice to take notice of your habits, and you’re not even sure why it feels so different now, why it seems to have such an earth shattering effect on your thought process but it does. 

It feels good to be known without asking, you don’t remember the last time you’ve let someone close enough to even have the opportunity. 

Not like this, with his feet kicking against yours under the table as Jeff retells a story from a barbershop shoot you missed earlier that week, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of your neck. 

Hours pass like this and you never really notice, afternoon slipping away without a care in the world, your usual habit of glancing at the clock forgotten in favour of looking at him, face animated in the storytelling, eyes reflecting the sunlight bouncing from the windows as strangers come and go but you don’t want to look away and miss a single thing. 

Has he always held your full attention like that? Hours turned to days spent in each other’s company, with your friends crowded around you but no one else truly in your sight. 

‘We should head back to the car if we wanna make our booking in time’ Jeff finally says, bursting the little bubble that’s somehow become your favourite spot in a couple of hours. 

You nod, standing up to follow him outside after thanking the barista in passing, hands once again intertwined. 

Maybe, just maybe your mind has been playing trick on you and there’s nothing different in the way Jeff glances down at you while you roam the streets, there’s nothing unusual about the comfort of his frame towering so closer over yours, or the way he opens the passenger door for you and lands his hand on the top of your thigh as he drives. 

It’s nothing more than two friends pushing boundaries in the name of your forsaken assignment. 

But then he’s smiling over at you, wind blowing his growing hair underneath the cap and cheeks full with bubbling laughter and you think, god, I love you, almost whisper it across the console when you’re sure the music playing is far too loud for him to ever hear it. 

Yeah, it’s definitely you that’s falling, simultaneously for your best friend and apart.

The day continues on, as if you haven’t had an epiphany that’s shaken you to the core. 

Jeff put the truck in park, runs around to your side of the car to open your door and reaches for your hand. 

You fight the urge to shiver when your fingers intertwine. 

‘You ready baby?’ He asks, dimples on show and brown eyes lit with underlying excitement at the prospect of the next part of your evening. 

‘I would be if you finally told me what it is exactly that we’re doing’ you whine, lips forming into a playful pout that Jeff mocks with his own before letting your hand go in favour of throwing his arm around your shoulder to pull you tight into side. 

He comes clean with his lips pressed against your forehead, a half peck accompanied by an instruction ‘We’re just around the corner, you’ll see’ Once you do, the excitement surges through you. 

‘The Broad?’ Jeff observes carefully, fondness sparking in his heart at how easily your expression brightens at the sight. 

Deep inside, he’s already sure you’re bound to be the most angelic work of art he’ll see tonight, a masterpiece of freckles, scars and booming laughter all wrapped up in the best girl he’s ever had. 

Jeff coughs, hand flying to rub at the back of his neck as he nods in answer to your question. 

‘I got us tickets to that light exhibit you wanted t-’ Your eyes almost pop out of their sockets as you interrupt. 

‘Kusama? I thought they were sold out’ your attempts at getting tickets proving futile in months passed. 

You watch the man shrug, expression a mixture between sheepish and smug, ‘I have my ways doll.’ 

The only thing left to do is leap into his awaiting arms, you whisper a gentle thank you with your head furrowed into his neck, lips pressed against the skin there momentarily, the touch is so feather light Jeff’s left wondering if it ever really happened as you pull away only to grab his hand and head inside with a new found bounce to your step.  

He’s right. The mirror rooms are beautiful, each installation of light stretching on in its endless path. 

Your eyes brightened by colour in wonder, each reflecting in the smile that shows your teeth and dimples as Jeff takes pictures and poses accordingly at your request. 

He listens to your explanations , every single thought, hangs on to every word as it leaves your pretty lips.

I could stay here forever. The thought presents itself through an exhale in your mouth, eyes travelling around the final room to land on the brunet that’s asking one of the other visitors to take a picture of you guys. Jeff returns with a sweet older lady in tow. 

‘C’mere doll’ he finds himself behind you, arm wrapped around your waist and palm splayed across your stomach, you smile, first at the lady and then again in preparation for the picture when the same hand turns your frame around and closer in his clasp, Jeff’s face leaning down. 

The flash goes off. He doesn’t kiss you, merely hovers with his forehead pressed against your own, but each of your erratic breaths makes the cupid bow of your upper lip graze the tip of his own. 

‘You two make a lovely couple, it’s sweet to see two young people so in love’ the older lady interrupts the storm brewing in your heart. 

The two of you reluctantly pull away, each reeling at the almost that hangs in the air as Jeff clears his throat and takes his phone back. 

We do..I am, you admit to yourself, gaze following the man that’s somehow the brightest beacon of light to your pacified mind. 

You’re surrounded by art, sculptures and reflections of beauty but there’s only one masterpiece worth observing in wonder for eternity if you get the chance. 

Unknowingly to you, Jeff’s heart is settling in his rib cage with the same realisation. What now? 

Something changes. Shifts as you exit the art gallery to be met with darkness of the night and sidewalks illuminated by streetlights. 

Jeff’s at ease, movements intentional as his hand slips into your own. 

You lift the intertwined fingers up to kiss his knuckles, pretending the blush you see dusting his cheeks and mirrored in your own is caused by evening breeze and not this new found quiet affection that feels so right. 

‘Hungry?’ Jeff asks, breaking the comfortably silence as he swings your hands as you walk to the car. 

‘Mmmm’ you ponder, ‘we could cook something back at mine?’ he nods, the journey spent listening to another one of your playlists made with him in mind. 

It should still terrify you. How your body slots against his, filling every space and gap with gentle precision, each of you mindfully working around the other as you teach him how to make the pasta dish of yours Jeff loves. 

The rest of the evening slipping past you in a domestic bubble of his aftershave wafting through the air and directly into your nose as you cuddle into his chest on the couch. 

‘Y/n...baby wake up’ the soft whisper stirs you awake. 

The moan of protest that leaves your mouth in realisation of being awake causes Jeff’s chest to rumble in laughter under your weight. 

‘Let’s get you to bed doll’ he insists again. 

‘Mhm...yeah, I wanna shower first’ you protest sleepily, body clinging to his warmth like a koala as Jeff sits up and begins the journey to your bedroom. 

Though once he sits you and pulls away you open your eyes to see the tiles of your bathroom from the sink counter. 

Your eyes watch his every move, white cotton shirt stretched along his muscled back as Jeff turns on the shower and sets it to a warm temperature that immediately fills the room with steam. 

He turns around to give you a soft smile, a sweet go ahead before turning to step out.

You’re not sure when you move, feet meeting the cold floor tiles as your small hand wraps around his wrist.

Jeff’s lost, brown eyes searching your own for an answer once he turns around, only seeing the vulnerability laced in your own that causes a stammer in his heart. 

You’re not sure what you’re doing, toeing this invisible line as you pause to momentarily fidget, teeth gnawing at your bottom lip before you whisper ‘Stay.’

One word, short and simple but enough to shatter the thin veil of almost that’s hang over both of you all day, if not for months. 

You think he’ll protest, respond with a Jeff like nervous giggle and the shake of his head that’s meant to let someone down easily, you’ve seen it happen in the past with your very own eyes. 

Instead, you watch the man take a shaky breath, eyes fleeting up and down your frame that’s changed into a hoodie of his earlier. 

He moves, hands instinctively reaching in your direction before they go for his own T-shirt instead, each garment falling to the floor with a thud as you slip your own off and step inside, distorted by the foggy window of your shower. 

Jeff hovers outside, inches of colourful glass separating him from you. 

Before you have a chance to call out his name he’s inside, pools of darkened brown tracing every detail of your bare face framed by wet hair. 

His gaze drops only for a short second, but it feels like a lifetime as you allow yourself to admire his toned chest and pause at the deep v lines of his hips without looking any lower.  

‘Turn around’ the gentle command pulls you away from reverie, you do as he asks. 

Breath quivering in your throat as you watch his hands reach to the shelf built into the wall to pull out your favourite bottle of shampoo before he squirts some onto his palm and begins to massage the soap into your strands, from the roots down to the ends that fall down against the lover skin of your back. 

The sensation is heavenly, Jeff’s long fingers gentle in their effort to clean your hair thoroughly before moving on to conditioner. 

You turn around after, silently returning the favour once he gets the hint and leans down slightly to match your height and allow you easier access to the locks matted against his forehead. 

There’s a moment of clarity, your eyes falling closed as he pulls you into his wet and naked chest, arms wrapping around your shoulder as you both sigh against each other. 

It remains, buzzing in the air when you slip into the bed and slot yourself against his side, head on his chest and leg thrown across his own as Jeff whispers a sweet good night that’s met with your soft snores.

It’s gone in the morning. When you wake up tangled in cold sheets and alone, tears blurring your vision at the realisation that your twenty four hours is finally up.

[rkjinwook]

• • •  STARTING LIVE!

       02AUG2020  |   🐥 JINWOOK’S HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🥳 🥳        DURATION   |   1:02:22

it’s a cute set, albeit typical for this kind of broadcast. the staff have provided jinwook with a fixed camera framing his mini birthday table, complete with multicolored balloons decorating the back wall. there’s a small tablet to monitor the stream and comment feed, which jinwook fiddles with as he waits. in retrospect, he thinks it would’ve been nicer to hold a more casual conversation with fans for his first solo live, but that might just be the nerves talking.

he fills the silence with music, his guitar in his lap. it’s an everyday sight, but jinwook realizes most fans won’t have heard him play much, so he takes care to warm up cleanly, and warm up his vocals too. he only alternates between a few simple chords, though. it’s the sort of background music he used to hear when he’d occasionally attend church services with eve. as jinwook plays he imagines an audience quietly filing in, taking their seats at his birthday party as they each receive the live notification. finally the staff motions for jinwook that the actual video is starting, and he rests the instrument in his lap, out of view for now.

“hello! i’m convex’s sunshine, jinwook.” the greeting is bright and familiar as he dips his head toward the camera. it’s unlikely that the viewers, who arrived so early from a notification, don’t know his name, but it can’t hurt to start off formally. “today is my birthday! yay!!” also evident from the title and the backdrop. jinwook gives himself a round of applause anyway. then he picks up a party hat from the table and slips the cone over his head. “tada~” 

“since we can’t meet in person, i wanted to greet you all with a live today to celebrate.” there’s a pause as jinwook adjusts the thin elastic of the party hat. he takes a breath. “last year, hmm...” he taps a finger to his cheek as he thinks back. “oh, last year i made cupcakes! i was helping our team sphere on the mgas.. so i couldn’t meet consta that time, either.” jinwook hums in thought, suddenly a bit nostalgic about his time as a coach. he shakes his head. “so i’m excited to try this out now.”

“let’s see...” he says, quickly moving on, “is everyone settling in here alright?” he peers over the tablet and rests a finger over the chat to pause its scrolling speed. the amount of viewers is staggering and the number only keeps rising, but jinwook focuses on the individual users sending messages instead. it’s a relief to see the majority in his native language. “hello and hello and hello,” he says, reading off a string of usernames and greeting each one individually, “and thank you for coming, and thank you for coming, and thank you for coming~!”

when jinwook releases his finger from the screen, the chat jumps back to life, shifting too quickly to read. he frowns and tries to pause it again. it takes some concentration to read off the unusual username combinations, but he does his best.

💬  :  happy bday 🥳 🥳 🥳 💬  :  you look handsome!!! 💬  :  happy birthday oppa~ 💬  :  thank you for being born 💖🎁🎁 💬  :  bare faced jinwook is the best!

“ah, thank you~ hello!! thank you too~ thank you for being by my side! oh! this one...” jinwook is startled into a laugh at the last comment, bringing a hand over his mouth. when he drops his hand he shows his full face to the camera, grinning. “this is definitely not bare faced jinwook, but, still i appreciate you thinking so~”

as he tries to keep reading, he tilts his head and squints. many of the messages are just full of celebrating emoji or animated emotes. it’s less to parse, but more noise to sort through. “ah, so much emoji in chat, you all must’ve learned from me, huh...” he muses.

after another minute he leans back again, his nerves settled. well, jinwook’s never had much trouble even talking to himself, so it shouldn’t surprise him that speaking to a bustling chat window comes naturally, too.

💬  :  did you have a good day so far?

“i’m happy today!” jinwook answers confidently. “my grandmother always wakes up early on sunday mornings, so i called her on the way to practice! and later tonight i’m going to video call with my family. actually i told my sister what time i was going live, so she might be listening too?” jinwook squints back down at the tablet and bites his lower lip. “ah, the chat is going way too fast to tell...”

💬  :  where are the other members!!

“hmm, training?” jinwook grins. “i’m taking a break to talk for right now~ but we are all working very hard otherwise!” he shares another smile, proud of himself for not mentioning anything further - although if his eyes sparkle, he can’t be held responsible. “they might stop by at the end!”

“that reminds me!” jinwook reaches below the table for his bag, pulling out a fresh journal that jaehyun had gifted him in the morning. he holds it up for the camera, proudly showing off the nice foil accents and the fold-out attachment. “my roommate, haru, got me this really pretty notebook. it’s supposed to work as a real midi keyboard.” jinwook’s runs his fingers over the cover. “he has good timing since i am almost out of pages in my old notebook... i’m excited to use it.”

💬  :  oppa’s hair is cool today!

“my hair, ah..” jinwook reaches absently to touch it, pleased. “it grew!” it’s worn longer than it was for pretty u era, freshly dyed and parted down the middle. he’s lucky he’s even allowed to have it showing for the live right now, since it’s a similar shade to his old cut. “i’m kind of happy, since it feels healthy recently...” he chuckles a little, the compliment leading him to another train of thought.

“speaking of cool, consta, did you guys see our call me baby special stage last week?” jinwook looks up to the camera and leans in, curious. “the concept was slightly darker for us, since unit black is so, you know... cool.” jinwook gestures vaguely but laughs at the understatement. it’s not a big enough word to describe some of the biggest superstars in the industry. “we have songs like rock but it’s different from convex‘s usual image, maybe,” he adds thoughtfully, knowing full well that their next comeback is inching in that direction. “do you think we suited it well?”

💬  :  convex is cool too!

jinwook nods, pleased by the positive responses in the chat. “so it was okay, then?” he laughs a little because of course, they’re all biased fans and he asked for it on his birthday, but it’s still reaffirming. “mmm, it still felt a bit refreshing and funky like convex, too. so i think there can be a middle ground,” he says, as if simply imagining how things could evolve in the future. “something smooth like that stage?”

something smooth. jinwook’s thinking of crazy in love, specifically, but the title song itself is an even bigger departure from their pretty u sound and aesthetic. “ah..” he shakes his head with a sheepish grin, “i think i’m rambling a lot.” jinwook takes a dramatic deep breath and collects his thoughts.

then he shifts away from the tablet to pull up the guitar in his lap. “i wanted to answer a lot of messages, but i actually prepared a song for you, too.” he strums a bright chord for emphasis. “it’s nothing fancy but i thought consta would maybe enjoy something like this. so i don’t have to sing happy birthday to myself, or anything,” he jokes.

🎵  :  heartz / minhee&luda — i’ll be there

“this is one of my favorite songs recently! i thought it would be nice for our fans, too.” it’d been an easy choice when jinwook was preparing for this stream. it’s a recent sphere release, plus he’s been listening to and singing the song since it came out, so he already knew most of the words. still, jinwook pulls up the lyrics on the tablet just in case. since he frames it as a fan song, there’s no need to change the gendered parts, although he doesn’t think he would have bothered, either way. 

jinwook only slows the tempo and lowers the key slightly to fit his guitar and his voice. the song has a different energy with an acoustic guitar instead of the bouncy synths, but it’s just as sweet and upbeat. he takes his time, singing all the way through both verses and two choruses. 

just before the bridge, jinwook trails off with a little smile. “ah, i just practiced up until here so far...” he keeps strumming idly as he leans over the tablet again. the comments flood with cheers that jinwook only can read some pieces of. it feels good, though, and jinwook feels confident about the vibe.

he watches several prying questions about heartz fly by in response, and carefully doesn’t acknowledge any of them. “of course i’ve been cheering for heartz,” is all he says. “i really liked around you and vivid also! and i’m excited for the next singles released this week, too.”

💬  :  please a convex song next!!

“oh,” he says, “a convex song?” jinwook takes a break, first, to roll out his wrists. then he hums in thought, searching for something he could play on the spot. “do you remember this one?”

🎵  :  convex — 20

he transitions into a familiar guitar intro. long-time fans might recognize it as the vocal unit song from convex’s debut album, but jinwook is pleased to introduce it to anyone else who’s unfamiliar. personally, he thinks it has held up pretty well over the past two years. “shh—” he mimics the sharp first line, then smiles as he continues strumming and begins to sing.

the song proves difficult to solo, and jinwook wishes he’d thought to prepare more material ahead of time. a medley could’ve been nice, but with all of the comeback preparations going on..... instead jinwook giggles as he trips over the lyrics, attempting the first verse’s backing and lead vocals both together. “hm..” he mumbles, glancing up at the camera. he casually redoes the section to make a decent recovery, and the chorus soars as intended. 

“ah...” says jinwook wistfully after he eases to a stop, “i’ll have to come back to that one someday. that one is nice to sing to consta, too. i always liked the lyrics a lot. you’re my twenties~”

he taps his fingers against the body of the guitar and is reminded of the special day. “but today my twenties are officially half-over, aren’t they? wah... scary....”

twenty-five. he stares blankly toward the tablet, thinking he should follow up: then i’ll just spend the second half of my twenties with consta!

these days, though, it feels like an unfair promise to make.

💬  :  like a gorilla like a gorilla!

his eye catches on one of the suggestions breezing down the chat window, and it interrupts his brooding with a burst of laughter. “gorilla? de:code’s gorilla?” he repeats. he tries a few chords but they’re not in the right key, and jinwook grins as he puts away his guitar on its stand. “i don’t know, that one would be an interesting acoustic cover.” he sings a little phrase of it anyway, a random adlib from the ending: “girl you make me feel~!”

“but!” he points a finger at the camera, not wanting his opinions to be twisted. “maybe one day i could cover their song beautiful, or i’m fine from predebut!”

💬  :  what are you listening to recently?

“hmm... what is new?” jinwook absently adjusts his elastic party hat elastic and pulls out his phone. “i like lee hi’s holo! per_se have a nice summer album.. with o sole mio, and of course...” jinwook hits a pretty falsetto as he opens the music app: “this is how i feel about you, twilight~”

“it’s like twilight, yeah~” he flicks through his playlist and wonders if he should just share screenshots of the whole thing on fancafe. “ah, and eclipse’s comeback!” he adds. “look, isn’t the album cover pretty?” his screen is probably illegible, when he holds it up close to show the camera, but at least his enthusiasm is clear. “i like their night side the best, with that unique rock sound...” jinwook pauses, and reconsiders. “actually, navillera was totally my style, too.” he shakes his head and grins. “eclipse is definitely cool no matter what.”

💬  :  it is already 4 in the morning here why 😭

english. jinwook has glazed over every message in foreign languages but he laughs at this one. he trips over a stilted reading of the comment, and quickly switches back to korean to answer. “i’m sorry ahh, next time i have to think of different timezones, right?” he tilts his head. “mm, it seems impossible to find a good time for everyone all around the world? but i’m happy you could visit with me for even a little bit. please make sure to rest well~” as an afterthought, he finishes in english: “and goodnight~”

💬  :  can you show a rap verse? 

“rapping?” jinwook’s eyes light up at the suggestion, and he laughs out loud. “can i tell a secret?” it’s not the right question to ask, judging by the staff’s reaction. but jinwook leans in sneakily, and continues despite their concerned looks. “we tried to switch parts for adore u once, so i learned seungcheol’s rap! that choi seungcheol,” he says with a grin, “has pretty good expressions on stage these days... his parts are fun! i like practicing his pretty u verse, too.”

he tells the story casually, although that part switch was not just boredom in the practice rooms, but an official planned anniversary release. that weekend in incheon is still a fond memory despite the disappointment of never getting to see the final edit.

he rolls his shoulders. “anyway, i don’t have the nice low voice for it, but there is a little melody to his parts a lot of the time...” jinwook postures up for full effect and puts on his best rapper expression. “how can you dazzle so much? you’re so pretty it’s—”

it’s probably for the best that he is interrupted by a loud knock and a rowdy chorus of happy birthday starting right outside the door.

➡️  :  continued in part two...

[lukin08]

Hindsight

Happy Holidays @frenzy5150!  I’m your secret Santa!  Two years in a row now!  Since you are all around awesome and you also just celebrated a birthday, I decided to do something a little different.  First you get a two parter- one for your bday and one for Christmas.  Second, I went out on a limb a bit and went a different direction than I’m used to.  This is kind of sorta inspired by a show I watched with the same name maybe five years ago.  I hope you like it!  Part 2 will be up later in the week.  

Part 2 HERE

Modern AU

Rating: T 

Words: 4600

If you could go back and change one thing about your life, one decision, one answer, one mistake, what would you do?  Knowing everything you know now, would you make the same choice and somehow get it right this time?  Or would you start over?

 The question was at the tip of her conscience as she flipped through the pages.  She looked so happy.  They both did.  Her wedding. Her first one.  With the exception of her sister, no one would have guessed on that day how her marriage would implode on itself.  You married the wrong person, she thought to herself.

Almost twenty years later, Anna still thought about that day.  Her first husband, Harry, and she had been so in love.  Or that’s what she had told herself.  They were definitely crazy.  …and impulsive.   And so stupid!  

Anna closed the album with a sigh and walked over to the closet to tuck it safely on the shelf. The best place for it now, she decided, was under other stacks of photo albums and scrapbooks she had collected over the first twenty years of her life when she had occupied this room.  She never brought them with her when she moved out. All the digital files were with her, but she had still wanted to print them all out.  There was something permanent with pictures in a book.  Maybe she was old fashioned, but she preferred to look at them this way.  With the exception of one wedding album that joined the stack a long time ago, none of them ever left.  Anna preferred the nostalgia of being able to sneak in every so often and steal a glimpse of her past.

The layers of photos and books heaved as she tried to lift up the bottom.  Anna rammed the album in only for the entire pile to shift to the right and begin to tip.  If it hadn’t been for the box of books stored next to them, the entire thing would have come down on top of her.  The albums came to an abrupt stop, sending several pictures fluttering down to the floor.

She quickly picked them up and went to stuff them back in one of the pages.  But something stopped her when she glanced at the photos. Those eyes were staring back at her. Young and hopeful and without the sadness they carried the last time she had looked into them.  She slowly flipped through the others.  They were all pictures of the summer she spent that summer at her parent’s lake house and it was her favorite memory.

There were two of her and Elsa.  Both smiling and making faces at the camera.  It was easy to forget over the years how close they had once been.  The rest were of friends including another picture she stopped to look at again of the one she considered her best for a very long time.  That was the first summer they met and she thought they would be in each other’s lives forever.  Incredible how she was wrong about so many things.

“God, I miss you,” she said, running a finger over the photograph.  

A spark touched heart for a brief moment before the knock on the door made her jump.

“Anna?  We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago.”  The door opened as Andrew popped his head in. “Everything okay?”

Anna twisted on the bed and offered a smile.  “Yes. Yes!  Good.  I had a little fight with the closet, but its fine!”

He walked into the room and offered his hand to Anna.  “Good. I was beginning to think my fiancée was getting cold feet.”

“Don’t be silly!” Anna wrapped her arms around Andrew. She felt him pull her closer for a moment.   Then one arm let go of her as he fumbled in his pocket.  When she looked up at him, he had a ridiculous grin on his face.

“What is that?”

“Mistletoe.”

“I know what it is, but why do you have it?”

“Because you and I both know that tonight is going to be crazy and I want one kiss with you alone with no party and no people.”

Anna smiled and reached up to kiss his cheek.  “Hold on to that until after the party.  I’ve kept us too late already.”

“But I won’t see you after the party.”

“Then we’ll have to find a few minutes to sneak out of it.”

She walked past him and down the hall to the front door.  Andrew quickly caught up to her, grabbing her coat and helping Anna into it.

“Are you sure you’re up for this.  An engagement and Christmas party all rolled into one?”

“Of course.  We are getting married and everyone is in town and its Christmas.  What better excuse do we need to host a party?”  She winked at him and reached for the door to head out.

 ----

Okay, you can do this.  Just get a drink in your body before you talk to your sister.

Anna strode through the room, keeping ahead of Andrew, smiling and waving to the guests.  She found the closest bar and ordered a glass of champagne.

“There’s the blushing bride.”

Anna spun on her heels, setting a pleasant look on her face.  “Hi Elsa.”  

They gave each other a quick hug, one that would never happen if they were not in the public eye. Elsa gave Anna a once over, not hiding that she was checking to see if Anna was dressed appropriately.  

“You look worried.”

“Elsa.”

“Okay, You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.  And you look beautifier. Beautiful, I mean.  As always.”

Elsa nodded, then turned her gaze to the crowd of people.  “Thank you for agreeing to this.  Since I couldn’t convince you to pick a more sensible time after the holidays for your engagement party, I think this is the best compromise.  I will admit it makes it easier to host the Christmas party and Andrew’s parents run in the same social circles, so co-hosting with them makes sense.”

Anna held in the intense desire to roll her eyes.  “That and it’s one less function you have to attend now.”

“An added benefit, yes.”

“Wouldn’t want to make you look bad.”

“That hasn’t seemed to bother you in the last twenty years.”

“Can we not get into that? I just want tonight to go smoothly.”

“Relax.  You’ll be fine.  You’ve done this before, you know.”

Elsa glided away, greeting a valuable client with her usual diplomacy.

Anna couldn’t resist. She cupped her hand to her mouth and yelled out.  “I love you too, Els!  Merry Christmas!”

She turned back to the bar and downed her glass.  By the time her second was in her hand, Andrew had whisked her away to make the rounds to all the guests.  The evening began to blur.  Anna found nodding along with Andrew instead of engaging in conversation an easier path for the night.  It didn’t help that questions from her boss kept scrolling in and she had to excuse herself to answer them.

“Where do you keep going?” Andrew asked as they walked together during a brief moment alone. Anna could hear the tint of annoyance in his voice.

“It’s Simon.  I have to keep helping him for a meeting prep he has tomorrow.”

“You work too much.”

“What else am I supposed to do?’

Andrew sighed and turned to Anna.  “Maybe one of these days, you should put your tail between your legs and talk to your sister about working at the company you are partial owner in.”

“That’s never going to happen.”

He smiled that exasperated smile at her.  It hit her how genuine he was.  How much he loved her.  Andrew was the opposite of her first husband in every way.  He was sweet, kind, responsible, had a job.  But did he set Anna on fire?  

She was warm. That had to count for something.

By the time the toasts began, Anna could barely hide the look of despair as her body fought the duel urge to run and stay.  You look worried.  There was no hiding the truth from Elsa.  She had noticed it instantly.  Doubt crept into Anna’s thoughts.  Was she making the right choice or was this about to be another bad decision in the string of ones that defined her life?  Anna yearned for a trusted shoulder to lean on right now. But she didn’t have her sister to talk to and she hadn’t spoken to her best friend in years.  

She made it to the bathroom and was able to hide in a stall before full panic took over.  This whole engagement was a mistake.  It was screaming at her.  It was the same warning that she missed before her first marriage.  Just get through the holidays.  You can deal with it then.  Tonight you need to stay calm.  Anna took a deep breath, but before she could move, she heard two people walk in.  

“You must be so relieved she’s finally settling down.  She could probably still have a baby if she froze her eggs.”

It was her cousin. Anna had never gotten along with her and she seethed at hearing her voice.

“Let’s hope this one sticks. Anna’s always been.  You know, a little flighty,” Elsa replied

Anna’s mouth dropped at hearing her sister.  She had to clamp her hand over her mouth to stop the squeak from leaving her mouth. She peered through the slats in the door to get a view.

“Anna’s been successful in other areas of her life. She does well with her career.”

“Please, she’s a glorified secretary.”  Anna’s hand came up to her heart at the harshness of Elsa’s words.  “I always thought she’d have a bigger life.  You know, do something extraordinary.  Or at least something that made her happy. She’s so talented, but she was consumed by that husband… then the job.”

“Anna made her choices. Bad ones, yes.  We both told her that her priorities were out of whack.  So her first marriage was a disaster.  Sometimes it’s better to let people do what they need to do so they can work it out themselves. We’re here now and she’s finally settling down with a nice man.”

“You’re right.  I’ve just been worried about her for so long. I won’t dwell on the past. I’ll… I’ll try to be happy for her now.”

The women finished up and headed out.  Anna’s cousin spoke again.  “Who knows? Maybe Anna will come to her senses and apologize to you and come to work at the company where she belongs.  Where family should be.”

The door closed and Anna let it out, punching her fists in the air as hard as she could.  Elsa, please see through her bullshit.  She’s just trying to get her husband a position at the company.  The room was silent and Anna was left with her thoughts of Elsa’s words.  It wasn’t a surprise to hear, but they tore at her still.

Anna slipped out of the bathroom and away from the party until she found herself in the front lobby. She needed to talk to someone. But not just anyone.  She needed one person that would listen to her, understand and not judge her.  She longed for his comfort and how he could pick up her spirits when it seemed the world was collapsing around her.  But she had ruined that as well and it cut her down more than anything.

A flash caught her eye, making Anna look up.  In the lobby, was a grand Christmas tree all decked out in the finest decorations. Ornaments and garland glittered all the way to the top where it was fitted with a gorgeous star.  It took her a second to notice the two girls who were working the party in front of her admiring the tree.  

One of them caught her staring at her and elbowed the other.  “We’re sorry ma’am.”

Anna shook her head. “Don’t mind me.”  She looked back up at the tree.  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Both girls smiled back at her.  “It’s our last night working before Christmas.  We had to get our wishes in.”

Anna tilted her head at them.  The other girl added before she could ask.  “Some of these decorations from the tree are original to when this hall opened. I don’t know which ones besides the star.  But there’s a story that if you make a wish to the star, it will be granted.”

“It doesn’t hurt to try, right?” The other girl added.

The corners of Anna’s mouth turned up.  “No. No it doesn’t at all.”

The girls excused themselves.  Anna went to go back to the party, but she couldn’t keep her eyes off the tree.  “I know what my wish it would be.”  She took one last wistful look at it and went back into the party to find Elsa to tell her she was leaving.

It took a few minutes of searching and ducking out of small talk with people to find Elsa.  They may have not be close anymore, but Anna was still aware of Elsa’s tricks and hiding spots.  After a few tries at more obvious locations, Anna spotted Elsa off in a side room with a bar.  It was secluded enough that most of the people didn’t use it and exactly why Elsa requested it stay open every party.  

She was half way in the room before she noticed who Elsa was with. She froze in place, unable to move. Her sister sensed her, looked her way while tapping the arm of the person seated next to her.  Elsa slipped off her stool and walked towards Anna. For a fleeting moment, her face was soft and she paused to place her hand on Anna’s shoulder.

“Go talk to him,” she whispered.  “I’ll cover for you.”

It took some convincing for her feet to move.  Anna finally took a hesitant step closer.  Then another. And another.  He had already turned back to the bar and she watched him take a long draught of his beer.  Her hand gripped the back of the stool next to him.  She noticed the two other empty bottles sitting off to the side.

“Is…is this seat taken?”

Kristoff huffed and a slight smile brushed over his lips.  He glanced at her before looking straight ahead, pulling another swig of his beer.

“It’s your party.  I think you can sit wherever you want.”

It probably was the best invitation she would get.  She stepped up to the stool, keeping both legs facing him.  “It’s really Elsa’s party, we both know that.”

“She’s not here to kick you out the seat, so I guess it’s yours for now.”

The both chuckled, Kristoff stole another glance at her holding her eyes to him.  He had aged well, despite everything he had been through. He was smaller than she always remembered him, his hair was short, with just a hint of grey at the temples.  It fit him, but Anna missed that mop of hair that she always had to fuss with and yell at him to remember to cut.  “Kristoff.” She reached up and stroked his cheek. When he didn’t jump back from her touch, she dared ever so softly to place her hand on top of his that was resting on the bar.  She could feel her heart start to race, a surge of energy running through her body. “What are you doing here?”

“I was invited, remember.”

There it was.  That grin.  Suddenly he was twenty-one again and not a day had passed between them.

Anna arched an eyebrow, grinning back.  “You’ve been invited to at least the last ten.  You’ve never showed up before.”

He shrugged and turned to the bar again.  The break in contact, felt like losing him all over.  Anna pulled her hand close, her fingers still tingling where they had touched him.

“I was in town. Didn’t have anything else to do. I figured there’d be free food and drinks.”

“Okay Bjorgman. Whatever you say.  You sure that’s the only reason?”  She bumped her shoulder to his, hoping to keep the mood light.

He didn’t look at her, keeping his beer close to his lips.  “Kind of wanted to check in on you, too.”

“And hiding in another room is how you do that?”

“No.  I saw you earlier.  You were busy talking to…everyone.  I decided to hold back and see if I could find you later.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

They fell into an easy rhythm.  Anna told Kristoff everything that popped into her head.  She talked about work and how busy she was, ignoring the messages from her boss.  She talked without a filter and she couldn’t remember how long it had been when she didn’t have to reign in everything she wanted to say.

Kristoff was listening to her and it felt so good to feel significant to someone.  He shifted in his seat as if he was studying her.

“Anna, are you okay?”

“What?  Of course I am!  I’m wonderful.  It’s Christmas and I’m getting married.”

“But are you happy?”

“Why do you think I’m not happy?”

“I don’t know.  You just seem…  not like yourself.”

Anna stiffened at that. “You haven’t seen me in over ten years. You don’t know who I am.”

“I know when something isn’t right with you.  That hasn’t changed.  I can see right through you.  What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine.”  Anna crossed her arms.

“No you’re not.”

“Kristoff, I told you-“

“It’s because you’re about to marry a guy you don’t love and you are absolutely miserable, isn’t it?”

“No!”

He squinted his eyes, leaning closer.  “Yeah, that’s it.  About to make the same mistake again.  Did you not learn anything from your first marriage?”

“How dare you!”

“How dare I what? Call you out on your bullshit? Can’t handle hearing the truth, princess?”

“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that anymore.” Anna turned away from him, but she couldn’t stop herself from glaring back at him.  When she moved, he looked so smug and satisfied that she saw red.  

“Who do you think you are anyway?  Waltzing in here after years!  What? Did you find out I was engaged and you had to run over here just to try to rub in all my misery?  Poke at all my weak spots.  Make me feel worse than I already do?  Well you did!  Are you happy?  Why do you care?  We aren’t even friends anymore!”

“You made sure of that, didn’t you?”

“You don’t think I don’t feel horrible about that?  I do every day, Kristoff!   I hate that I wasn’t there for you and that I wouldn’t listen… and…  I miss you every day.  But you stopped talking to me!  And you can’t come here and tell me I’m not happy when you don’t know me anymore.”

“I know you better than you know yourself!  Look, forget it.  This is pointless.  I shouldn’t have come here tonight.”  He pulled out his wallet to fish for a tip.

“Kristoff, why did you come here tonight?”

“Why did you invite me?”

They stared each other down. Anna gnawed at her bottom lip unable to take it anymore.  “I asked you first.”  Her voice was barely a whisper as she struggled to stay in control.  

Kristoff sighed. “Because I didn’t try to stop you before.”

“You did.  I wouldn’t listen.”

“Look, Anna.  You’re right.  I don’t know what’s wrong other than you are not happy.  I had to come see for myself.  And I see you and you have the same look on your face that you did before.  I didn’t try to stop you the way I should have last time.  I wasn’t honest with you and it wasn’t fair to you.  I thought if I showed up this time…that…”

“What?”

He shook his head and laughed to himself.  “I never could tell you to no.  Ever.  No matter what crazy idea got in your head. Even when I watched you marry someone you didn’t love.  I couldn’t stand the thought of causing you pain.  But I should have then.  Or at least I should have figured out when to walk away.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because there never was a time when I wasn’t in love with you.”  Kristoff fumbled for something at his legs.  “I have to go.  I’m sorry Anna.  I shouldn’t have come.  Forget I was here.”

Anna sat frozen in her chair.  She watched as Kristoff carefully slid off the stool and take a measured step with the cane.  The memory of his accident flashed in front of her.  The doctors said he was lucky to even be alive.  Then the guilt washed over her.  She hadn’t been there for him.  Too wrapped up with Harry to be the friend he needed the most.

He got to the entrance of the room before what he had said sunk in and Anna could move again.  She hopped off the stool.  “Kristoff… I invited you all these years because it kept the door open the tiniest bit. It was all I had, but there was always hope that I would see you again.”

“I know.”  He stopped and dropped his head.  “Do not pursue the past. Do not lose yourself in the future. The past no longer is.  The future has not come.  Look deeply at life as it is.”

“What?  Kris, I don’t understand.  Please, just stay-“

He looked at her once more and smiled.  But it was distant and he took another step away.  “It’s a Buddhist Proverb.  One of my therapists told it to me when I was rehabbing.  I used it as a mantra to help me keep going when I thought the pain was too much.  I never forgot it.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Your past doesn’t define you, Anna.  You can make your future what you want it to be.  Remember that.  Please.”

“Kris.  No.”

“I have to go.  Don’t invite me again.  Goodbye, Anna.  Merry Christmas.”

He disappeared into the crowd in the main room.  An ache shot directly into Anna’s heart. She couldn’t breathe, choking on the air as tears streamed down her cheek.  He was gone and this time it was for good.  It was as if a part of her had been ripped off.  She couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing him again.

She caught her breath, her mind racing.  No, this wasn’t going to be how this ended.  Not this time.  Not when she finally understood what she had been wanting all along.

“Kristoff!  Wait!”

Anna darted through the crowd, trying not to look too desperate as she wove through the people and headed towards the lobby.  She had to be able to catch up with him.  She pushed out the main doors, and past the tree she had stood in front.  A reflection from the lights hit her in the eyes, making her wince.  He wasn’t there.  Anna hoped she could catch up to him before he got any further.

“Kristoff!”

Anna yelled as she raced down the stairs and onto the sidewalk.

“Kristoff wait! Please!  Where are you?”

She ran into the streets, checking in all directions, looking into the vehicles before they could move from the light.

“Kristoff!”

But he was gone.  It was as if he vanished right in front of her. Anna threw her head back in defeat looking to night sky.  She was too late.

A snowflake hit her eye. Anna flinched and stumbled backwards. When she caught her balance, she looked around and saw that it had started snowing.  She loved the snow.  It should have felt magical, but all she wanted to do was get to her bed and sleep for a week.  

She trudged back to the venue.  Somewhere inside was her coat.  She needed to find that before she figured out how to get home, all the while trying to avoid Andrew and her noted absence.  Anna was going through scenarios of how to sneak in and back out when she found herself in front of the tree.  She slowly followed the layers of ornaments up to the star as the rage and sorrow from the night built.

“Wishing tree my ass.” She let out of woeful laugh.  “How many people have come here over the years? What do they ask for?  Money, I bet.  Or their health.  Or love.” Anna waved her hand dismissively. “For what?  All because someone came up with some ridiculous story who knows how long ago to draw in customers.”  She stared up at the tree again.  “How many people have you let down?  Christmas wishes…  You know what wishes solve?  Nothing! You’re still poor, or sick or lonely, or… or…”  She stopped to wipe away the tears.  “You know what my wish would be?  To fix this! To fix me!  Make this night never happen this way!  But you can’t because you’re a stupid tree!  A stupid, dumb, plain ole, non-wishing tree!”

Anna stepped back. She could feel a headache coming on. “What’s wrong with me?  Now I’m talking to the tree,” she mumbled.

Her headache quickly morphed into a dizzy spell.  Anna held onto the wall waiting for it to pass.  Her eyes caught the lights of the tree.  They were blinking.  Had she not noticed that before?  The room started spinning.  Then it got faster.  Anna went to call for help but couldn’t make a sound.  She lost her grip on the wall, stumbling forward, passing out before her body slammed to the floor.

 ----

The beeps were faint but steady.  Anna groaned at the sound.  She turned, not fully awake yet.  That noise? Where was it coming from?

“It’s Saturday,” she drawled out.  “Alarm off.”   The sound didn’t stop.  “Snooze.”  No change. “Disconnect!  Off! Stop!”

Anna sat straight up. Great, the sensor on this thing was going to have to be fixed again.  She didn’t even want to know how much that was going to cost.  She stretched, waking up more…  Wait.  That sound was different.  It was farther away, muffled almost.  She scrambled around.  The sound was coming from her bed.  No, from in her bed, under the blankets.  Anna threw them off, searching until her hand felt something hard, like metal.

“Ah ha!”

Anna’s hand flew up in triumph with the offending source of the noise.  She brought it down closer and stopped.  “How much did I have to drink last night?”  

She turned the device around and stared at the phone.  Her finger reflexively swiped at the screen setting the alarm to off.  “I didn’t know I still had this.  …or why.”  But it was hers she remembered that case that was designed to handle being dropped. Lord knows she dropped it enough times. It was a wonder the phone even turned on.  

Anna laid back down. She was going to have to find Andrew and talk to him.  First to find out what happened; a huge part of the night was a blur and then… nothing. She remembered going to find Elsa, but after that was blank.  But more importantly talk about them.  She couldn’t mask over her feelings anymore.

She ran her hand through her hair and stopped.  “What?” She pulled a handful forward to look at. “H-how?”  It was long.  Last night it was,pulled back and short.  Her hair didn’t go past her shoulders.  The last time her hair was this long, she was…

Anna’s mouth dropped as she looked around. This wasn’t her old home.  It wasn’t even her current place.  It was… it was…

She hadn’t noticed the TV was on, but her head flicked to the screen as the morning news came on.

We are officially entering the Christmas season here folks.  Welcome channel seven news for Saturday, November 24th 2018. Your home for all traffic weather and…

Anna bolted straight up.

“Wait, what?  Did he just say 2018?!”

[yeonjuins]

i change my theme so much that as soon as someone comments on it, i've changed it about three times 😂😂😂😂 purple is such a pretty colour !! it's one of my favourite colours, plus my name is ALSO a colour of purple 😂💜

ah, you are so welcome, my love <3 i will forever hype up your creations 💗

i definitely think those five naps would really mess up your sleep pattern as well, one nap messes me up </3 i'm hoping you're able to get your sleeping pattern back <3

i had hot chocolate last night before bed with mini marshmallows !!! my s/o surprised me with a bag and i was just so cosy. i was watching a crime documentary with the cats next to me and honestly, the sleep that came after was one of the best sleeps ever <3 i had a weird dream though but a damn good sleep!! <3 i'm having some hot chocolate now and hoping i can have a good sleep tonight as well :)

(language pardoned) 😂 i agree. there are also some blogs on here who dedicate their time to help people and give advice where it's needed and i can say that some of those help me a lot. i've had a few really shitty experiences (pardon my language) in my life that sometimes still affect me to this day and those help me a lot <3

you've put yourself first in that situation, dropping that course <3 putting yourself first is healthy and i honestly hope that it continues to have a better impact on your life <3 & thank you, love.

i'm excited for spring !! my mum and step dad are gonna be moving into a house soon when they've finished decorating (they've spent two years on this house, stripping it and redoing it all up to make it a place to actually live in), it's in the countryside so LOTS OF BABY ANIMALS !!! lambs, calves, birds I AM EXCITED <3333 i'm so happy you had nice weather ☀⛱🌻

i'm really happy you work in a really nice place <3 that's amazing 🥰 tbh when you enjoy your work, it doesn't really feel like work. <3 this isn't what i wanna do forever, i actually really want to work with animals, but not be a vet. hoping to work with the sspca (which is the scottish society for prevention of cruelty to animals), they do amazing work and i would love to be a part of that 💜 i once saved a hedgehog when i was about 10 years old that some little kid had kicked and saving the life of that animal still makes me smile to this day. i love all animals and want to save them <3

i love pizza. i used to love dominos pizza but i can no longer eat takeaway pizza because it makes me ill :( i usually make my own pizza <3

(lengthy response!)

PAHAHAH changing mobile themes often is fine (": i feel like it's a small little hobby people adapt and i think it's so adorable... i also love the new rose icon hehe all the icons u make are so pretty ;0

i never knew heather was a form of purple that's so cool !! my vietnamese name acc translates to 'soft bamboo' which i think is pretty cute hehe <3

i think ? i was able to fix my sleep schedule ? it's monday rn so i don't wanna jinx anything but hopefully i don't take any more naps throughout the day and acc just go to sleep earlier instead... pray for me

hot chocolate with mini marshmallows omg hev are we soulmates ? PAHAHAH i bought a cup of hot chocolate before my shift because since the weather here is cold, my nose has been runny and i feel ever so slightly sick ;; the hot chocolate felt like a warm blanket hug though i am very (: will probably make a cup tonight too now that you mention it...

as much as i might still 'complain' about having to wake up in the morning, i'm very grateful for the freedom i currently have with my school schedule (": i just hope i can get a better work-life-balance so i can fully enjoy it yanno?

spring ! spring ! i'm so so excited... once i power through these next two weeks, it'll be my bday (:< and then ! i booked a couple days off from work so i can go hang out with friends ! and thenn !! i'll be going to toronto for a little food adventure with my brother (:< i'm very excited

YOU SAED A HEDGIE ?!?!?!?? ? OH MY GOD absolutely in love with you rn... i love hedgies ): thank u for saving hedgie life... i bet that small little ball appreciated it as well ): that'd be so cool in an environment that saves animals but i feel like it'd also be stressful simultaneously ;;

WHAHAHA dominos is the place i always get my pizza ;0 me and my brothers replace the pizza sauce with garlic spread instead and it tastes x10000 as better imo i cannot have the pizza the same way anymore (": i would LOVE to make homemade pizza one day it seems so comfy and warming... ;;

[t0ngue-tech]

All Yours | Three

“The news you received was a good thing. It had to be a good thing. You recalled all the moments where Yoongi constantly asked himself what was he doing wrong in their relationship. You remembered how hurt he was and how alone he felt when Seolhyun would blow him off or not return his calls. All he wanted was to feel like he was in a relationship again and his wish came true. This was all definitely good news.

But why did you feel so hollow?”

↠angstttttty, universityAU↞

word count: 4.7k

↠series: 1 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | ↞

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME :D as for my birthday, here is my bday gift to you guise ^-^ it may not be much, but here it is~ i hope you all enjoy :)

It was a long, painful week. Not only were you clocking in more hours than you were used to, but you were staying true to your word by staying away from Yoongi.

The first couple of days of your ‘Yoongi cleanse’ consisted of you telling him you were busy whenever he would ask to see you. He would offer to see you after work, but you would tell him you were exhausted and you just wanted to go back to your dorm and sleep. You weren’t even sure if any of this was working because even when you were trying to keep yourself occupied, you were still thinking about Yoongi and his stupid gummy smile.

You still convinced yourself that this was for the best and that it was going to help you in the long run. Eventually, Yoongi ceased his calls and text and it honestly broke your heart. Maybe he caught on or maybe he thought you were angry with him over something. It made you feel empty, but just as you were telling yourself, this was for the best.

It was until you found out some shocking news from Jungkook during one of your late shifts.

“Wait so, Yoongi and Seolhyun are actually doing fine right now?!” You exclaimed, putting way too much whipped cream on Jungkook’s drink.

“Yeah. It’s shocking! She’s staying at the dorm tonight, so I’m bunking at a friend’s dorm.” He reached for his drink and took a long sip. “The last thing I want is to be in the vicinity if explicit things happen.” Jungkook shuddered and took another sip.

You remained quiet. So this was why he stopped trying to contact you. Maybe Seolhyun instructed him to never talk to you anymore and Yoongi willingly agreed because you stopped talking to him in the first place.

“Hey, y/n. You okay? You look like you’re about to cry.” Jungkook asked, leaning forward on the counter.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Just tired.” You lied through a forced smile.

Jungkook looked unconvinced, but he couldn’t stay to argue with you. “O-Okay. If you say so, y/n.” He stared at you for a while and tapped the granite counter. “Get some rest soon.”

You watched quietly as Jungkook left the coffee shop, leaving you with only two more customers working on their laptops.

The news you received was a good thing. It had to be a good thing. You recalled all the moments where Yoongi constantly asked himself what was he doing wrong in their relationship. You remembered how hurt he was and how alone he felt when Seolhyun would blow him off or not return his calls. All he wanted was to feel like he was in a relationship again and his wish came true. This was all definitely good news.

But why did you feel so hollow?

↠↞

“Hani, I don’t know what I need: a ten hour long nap or ten shots of whiskey.” You let out a long sigh and wiped down the counter.

“Let’s do both. Ten shots of whiskey tonight—screw my lab tomorrow—and let’s just sleep in instead.” Hani chimed and assisted you in stacking up the chairs in the coffee shop.

“You see? This is why I love you.” You chuckled. “But I know that lab is an important one, so let’s take a rain check.”

Hani wiped away a fake tear and nodded her head. Because she was your best and closest friend, Hani knew about everything that was going on in your head.

“Y/n, this is a good thing—for the both of you. You know that right?” Hani walked over to to check up on you because you stopped your movements all of a sudden.

“Y-Yeah, I know…but—“

“You like him and I know it wasn’t easy to hear that from Jungkook. And honestly, I’m not on board with the idea of liking someone while they’re in a relationship, but you never made any advances towards him and Seolhyun was being really shitty towards Yoongi.” You cracked a smile. You also weren’t on board with the idea, but it was happening to you and that’s why your mind was all jumbled up.

“Now, come on, y/n. Close up and I’ll walk with you to your dorm entrance.”

↠↞

Hani had offered to sleepover at your dorm to keep you company, but you knew she had already made plans to sneak into Seokjin’s dorm. You politely declined, promising her that you were going to be just fine.

Walking into your dorm made your body feel a lot more exhausted than it already was. All you wanted was to change out of your work clothes and climb into bed; thankfully you didn’t work tomorrow and you didn’t have any classes on a Saturday.

You followed through with your plan, but instead of going straight to bed, you opened your refrigerator and pulled out an unopened bottle of red wine. After a physically and emotionally draining week, you deserved a little alcohol. It was just you drinking, so you decided to drink directly from the bottle and tune into something interesting on the television; which most likely meant Forensic Files because what else would be on at 11 in the evening.

Your attention was mainly focused on a random spot on your coffee table with the t.v being background noise. Hani was right, this whole thing was good news for everyone. Yoongi and Seolhyun were finally on better terms and that meant it would make it easier for you to let go of your feelings. But it still took an emotional toll on you because you were letting go of someone you liked for a little over a year and of course it wasn’t going to be easy. This was for your own good and you needed to accept it whether you wanted to or not.

The loud volume of your ringtone startled you, almost making you drop the wine bottle. You cocked your eyebrow. Jungkook?

“Hello?”

“Yeah dude, just—hey, y/n! You busy?”

Jungkook only ever texted you, so the fact that he called you instead caught you off guard. “No, I got home not too long ago and now I’m just watching some t.v. Why?”

“Okay because Yoongi is drunk and he won’t stop pestering me to take you to your dorm—yes, I’m on the phone with her, could you please stop poking my back Yoongi!”

Yoongi’s drunk request also caught you off guard. Why did he want to see you out of all people? And first of all, Yoongi barely drank alcohol so what the hell happened?

“U-Um, I-I don’t know Jungkook.”

“Y/n, please? Yoongi and Seolhyun got into a fight and I have work in the morning.”

“A fight? Weren’t they just doing fine?”

“I know, I’m just as shocked as you are, but please we’re literally almost to your dorm. He’s probably going to drunk-explain everything.”

Before you could even answer, Jungkook ended the call and there was knocking at your door. You placed the bottle on your coffee table and sighed. Dammit.

As soon as your opened the door, a drunk Yoongi fell through and draped a heavy arm over your shoulders.

“Y/n! Long time no see!” He slurred. The aroma of vodka was on him and it was enough to make you feel drunk as well.

“H-Hey, Yoongs.” You found a grip on him, but his dead weight was a bit too much for you.

“I’m so sorry, y/n. I owe you one—oh! Come to the diner on a day I’m working and I’ll treat you to a meal.” Jungkook looked at you apologetically and you really couldn’t be mad at him. Yoongi was the one who asked for you and Jungkook needed to be in bed because of an early shift.

“Alright. I’ll take care of his drunk ass, be careful on your way back to the dorm.” You smile at him to assure that you were really okay with this situation.

“Thank you so much, y/n. Love you!” He called out as he scurried back down the hallway.

You closed your door behind you and dragged Yoongi, who couldn’t stop giggling to himself, to your bedroom. He kept on tripping on himself and once he started to laugh, he would shush you.

“Ugh, up you go Yoongi.” You shoved Yoongi onto your bed and sat beside him. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were shut. You assumed he fell asleep right away so you stood up to resume your alone time on the sofa, but Yoongi circled your wrist with his hand.

“Don’t leave.” He muttered through his slightly chapped lips.

“I’ll be back. I-I just need to clean up the living room.” You felt his grip loosen and you took that opportunity to slip into your living room.

For a solid minute, you stood there, baffled. It had only been a couple of days since Jungkook told you Yoongi and Seolhyun were doing better and now they weren’t on good terms again. Maybe asking him wasn’t going to be the best idea because of his current condition, so you had to control yourself for the rest of the evening. You quickly tidied up your living room before returning back to Yoongi’s side. He was preparing himself to sit back up, but you gently helped him lie back down.

“Dude, how much did you drink?” You asked subconsciously placing your trash can near the bed.

“Vodka. Too much.” He breathed. “You need to lie down here.”

It hasn’t been too long since the last time he slept over, but you still felt the rush of butterflies as you glided over the side closest to the wall.

Your room was dim with only the red light of your digital clock illuminating the small corner of your desk and the full moon shining through your curtains. You laid on your side while Yoongi stayed on his back. The quiet sound of his raspy breathing and the soft humming of the air conditioning were the only noises that could be heard at that moment. You thought he was asleep, so you closed your eyes hoping to drift off quickly.

“I haven’t seen you in a long time.” Yoongi mumbled. “Where have you been?”

You opened up your eyes and tried to focus on Yoongi’s face to check if his eyes were open as well, but they weren’t. There was a thick lump in your throat and you dryly gulped it down.

“I told you, Yoongi. I’ve been busy working.”

“Bullshit. That didn’t stop you before.” A wash of guilt crashed over you. He was right. You thought he was pretending to be drunk so he could talk to you, but he began to whisper slurred words and giggle to himself again.

“Yoongi, I’m sorry.” Your heart felt broken. “Busy working” seemed like such a half-ass excuse and Yoongi knew you too well.

“Mm.” Yoongi slowly turned over to face you and your breath hitched. “The room is spinning.”

“Lie on your—“ Yoongi scooted closer to you. Your knees grazed and you regretted your choice of sleeping shorts.

You once again gazed at his features. How could someone look so cold yet so soft at the same time? You were so entranced by how smooth his skin looked that you didn’t notice Yoongi staring right back at you.

All of a sudden, there was a loud vibration that you felt even on your side of the bed. You knew it wasn’t yours because you kept your phone right in between the two of you and there was no light illuminating from it. By default, it was Yoongi’s.

“U-Um, someone is calling you.” You whispered, trying to keep yourself composed.

“It’s probably Seolhyun and I really don’t want to talk to her.” Yoongi grumbled. He fished for his phone to turn it off and set in on the nightstand beside your bed. Instead of staying on that side, he turned to face you once again.

“Do you mind me asking what happened?” If he didn’t completely remember what happened or if he didn’t want to talk about it, you couldn’t blame him. But even when they argued countless times over the past month, he never chose to drown in alcohol to relieve his frustration.

Yoongi shrugged and rubbed his face with hands. “She wanted something sweet to drink so I recommended we go to the coffee shop because it’s home to the best cinnamon cream lattes and she just blows up.” Yoongi’s voice dropped and you could see the aggravation in the details of his face. “Seolhyun kept badgering me why I just had to bring you up but I only mentioned the coffee shop at that time, not you specifically. I tried to tell her you might have possibly not worked tonight, but she didn’t listen to me. Instead, she assumed I’ve been fucking you.”

You were at a loss for words and boiling with different emotions. Why did Seolhyun hate you all of a sudden? Was it because Yoongi sought refuge within you whenever they argued? But you two haven’t done anything wrong and home-wrecking was not your cup of tea. You were a bit impressed because despite being drunk, Yoongi remembered everything that happened.

“I told her that we weren’t fucking and that we were just friends. But she just kept yelling at me and telling me to choose you or her.” Yoongi’s voice began to tremble and it broke your spirit. He was never this emotional. In fact, the only time you saw him cry was after finals were over and you all went for a celebratory drink. He was completely drunk and upset over the fact that he forgot to buy Jungkook a birthday gift even when his birthday was in four months.

“How could she just make me choose like that? You’re both important to me. Plus, she chose her friends over me multiple times the past month.” He rolled onto his back and covered his eyes with his forearm. A shaky breath was released and you immediately knew he was crying. “I kept asking her to calm down because Jungkook was in his room next to mine, but she still wasn’t listening. The next thing I knew, she receives a text message and says she has to go, so she stormed off.”

“Yoongi…” You sat up and looked at him with concerned eyes. “Wait here okay? I’ll get you some water.”

You lifted yourself off the mattress to retrieve a glass of water from your kitchen. You had no idea that the cause of their fight was because of you. Keeping yourself away from him was to supposed to result in good things not the opposite.

Shortly after, you returned and assisted in helping Yoongi sit up beside you. After turning on your lamp, he took the glass from your hand and drank the entire thing with ease. Without warning, he leaned over to rest his head on your shoulder but moved his body closer to find a comfortable spot in the crook of your neck.

“You smell good, like coffee.” Yoongi breathed, sending shivers down your spine.

“Hey, this is exactly why Seolhyun thinks we’re fucking.” You try to lighten up the mood, hoping he wouldn’t take your sentence to heart.

Yoongi stripped himself from you to look you straight in the eye. You were waiting for a disapproving reaction and instead, you were given a smile.

“W-What?” You stuttered.

“Nothing… I just… missed you.” He spoke slowly, not breaking the eye contact.

You let out a broke chuckle and tried to brush off his words. “You’re drunk, Yoongi. You tend to say things, you know that.”

“I may be drunk, y/n. But I know what I be talking about.” He slurred with a serious facial expression. “It feels like me hasn’t see you in weeks.”

“I’m sorry, Yoongi.” You hesitated to tell him the truth, so you sugar coated your reason instead. “After what happened at the supermarket, I thought that maybe if I left the picture, your relationship with Seolhyun would be restored and I guess it worked for a while.”

Yoongi cupped your hand. “Don’t blame yourself. Nothing is y/n’s fault. So don’t leave the picture no more. I don’t think I can stand not talking to you for another week.”

His hand was warm against your cold skin. You had to keep reminding yourself that Yoongi wasn’t in the perfect state of mind, so you weren’t sure if he was going to remember anything in the morning.

“Okay, I promise.” You forced yourself to smile.

“Good. Now, me is tired—“ Yoongi dropped his head back down onto the pillow. He was still holding your hand so almost pulled you down against him, but you stopped yourself with your free hand. He took the hand he was holding up and settled it in the locks of his blond hair. You took the gesture as an invite to massage his scalp and play with his soft strands.

“Thank you, y/n. For everything.” Yoongi whispered with a tired smile.

“It’s no problem, Yoongs.”

“No, really, thank you. You helped me through so much and became my safety blanket when I needed a someone.” He closed his eyes and adjusted his legs to get comfortable. “I wish Seolhyun was more like you.”

Why did Yoongi have the tendency to say things at the wrong time?

Your movements began to slow down and you could hear the loud thumping of your heart in your ears. There were so many things you wanted to say to Yoongi in that moment but you bit down on your tongue to keep yourself from speaking.

His last sentence kept on replaying in your head like a broken record. You’ve liked Yoongi for so long and hearing what he said almost reduced you into a puddle. He’s drunk. He’s drunk. He’s fucking drunk, y/n. You didn’t want to, but you had to remind yourself of the situation.

In the midst of the silence, you could hear Yoongi’s breathing indicating that he was fast asleep. You slipped your hand out of his hair and gently removed your blanket beneath Yoongi’s head. At first you planned to sleep in the living room to avoid looking at his angelic sleeping face, but you didn’t want him to wake up in the middle of night throwing up and you weren’t there beside him. You sucked in a breath and joined him in your bed. You opened up your large cotton blanket to cover both of your bodies.

It took you 15 minutes to find a comfortable spot and even after finding it, your thoughts kept you tossing and turning. You settled with lying down on your side, facing Yoongi who was still dead asleep on his back. You watched his chest steadily rise and fall and there was a sudden spark of jealousy because you wanted nothing more than to sleep.

Yoongi coughed and you readied yourself just in case he turned over to throw up, but he rolled over towards you leaving a couple of inches of breathing space in between you two. He seemed to still be asleep so you let out the breath of air that was caught in your chest.

It wasn’t fair. Yoongi had a chance in forgetting everything when he woke up while you had to go on your day knowing what he said. You stared at his sleeping face and sighed. There was no doubt Yoongi deserved better, Hani, Seokjin, and Jungkook agreed, but there was no way you would ever put yourself out as a candidate for him. Plus, you knew he loved Seolhyun, he really did. Seolhyun had an amazing boy as her boyfriend and he didn’t deserve to be yelled at or given the cold shoulder. Jungkook once told him to break up with her because communication is important within a relationship and Seolhyun wasn’t meeting him halfway. But at that time, Yoongi believed he was capable of putting the pieces of his relationship back together.

“You fucking suck, Min Yoongi.” You whispered angrily. He let out a soft mixture of a grunt and a snore as his response. “I like you too damn much and I hate it.” For a moment, it almost seemed like he heard you because he groaned and wiped his mouth. Not even a second later, his snores were filling up the stuffy atmosphere.

You glared at him for sending you into a short state of panic, but your eyes softened as they traveled from the slight furrow between his eyebrows to the valley of his cheeks and finally to his lips. Your throat went dry as you stared at the outline of his lips. You remembered the feeling you had when you both stood in your kitchen just staring at each other and heat raced to your face. The temperature of your body rose and you could practically hear the loud thumping of your heart throughout your entire body. Your thoughts were fighting against each other and one thought specifically remained still and scared you the most.

God, I really want to kiss him.

You almost brought your hand up to slap some sense into yourself. There was no way you would ever allow yourself to do something so stupid, especially since Yoongi was in a shitty yet committed relationship. It was tempting and frightening because you couldn’t believe that you were actually thinking of doing something like that.

He probably won’t even remember in the morning—No. Oh my god, no.

In an instant, your hands flew up to cover your face. “No, no, no, no.” You mumbled into your hands.

All of these feelings were making you feel a lot more horrible than you already were. You chewed on your bottom lip feeling conflicted with everything inside of you. With an intensely beating heart, you scooted closer to Yoongi’s side and opted out to brush blond strands of hair out of his eyes. No matter what you were feeling inside of you, you had morals, so you turned your entire body away from him to face your wall. You couldn’t do this to him, even if he was drunk.

↠↞

Yoongi awoke the next morning feeling hazy and completely out of it. He tried to push his back down to face the ceiling, but everything was moving in slow motion and he wanted to throw up. As soon as he adjusted to the brightness of the room, he took in a deep breath and sat up on his elbows.

“What the fuck.” Yoongi croaked trying to grasp the situation. He glanced around the room wondering why he was missing his desk setup and midi keyboard. He recognized a certain bookshelf as well as a particular sushi plushie sitting at the end of the mattress. “Ah, fuck, y/n.”

With whatever strength Yoongi had left inside of him, he slid off the bed and onto the balls of his feet. It felt as if the weight of the world was resting upon his shoulders and all he wanted was to lie back down.

The familiar smell of spicy ramen welcomed him as he stepped foot into the kitchen/living room area. He noticed you standing in front of your stove and beside you was a large bowl and the coffee mug he bought. You turned around to reach for the cutting board that had sliced up fish cake on top of it and nearly had a heart attack seeing Yoongi just standing there.

“Jesus fuck Yoongi! At least say something when you get up.” You placed a hand over your chest as an attempt to calm yourself. He began to laugh at first, but winced in pain feeling the side of his head throb.

He laid down on your sofa using his forearm to cover his eyes. There were many feelings floating around inside of him; pain, confusion, regret, nauseous. You joined him shortly carrying the bowl and mug for him to indulge in.

“Here, eat. You need the soup.” You lifted his legs so you could take a seat.

Yoongi let out a long sigh and sat up. “Feed me.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but you closed it realizing it was too early to argue and that Yoongi was definitely not in the mood to argue.

“Fine, ah.” You held up the pair of chopsticks with ramen noodles pinched in between. The hot soup dripped onto your hand which was there to avoid it dropping onto the floor. Yoongi leaned forward, obviously in pain, and captured the noodles with lips not caring if it was piping hot or not. You stared at his lips and fought the blush that was rising to your cheeks. Now was not the time to think about what happened last night.

“Y/n, about last night… I’m sorry.” Yoongi propped an elbow on his knee and brought his chin to rest on his palm.

“It’s alright, Yoongs. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” He took another bite of the ramen. “In all ways possible. Some things are a blur.”

“D-Do you remember why you’re in my dorm?” You asked hesitantly.

“Um, yeah. Yeah, I do… do you?” He spoke slowly. Yoongi’s facial expression changed and leaned back against the sofa.

“I-I do actually.” All of the conversations you had with Yoongi the previous night played in your head. You couldn’t imagine what he was feeling at the moment.

“Y/n, I—she—I don’t know why Seolhyun—“ Yoongi choked on his words.

“It’s okay, Yoongi. It’s really okay.” You assured him, still hurt by Seolhyun’s assumption, but he didn’t need to know that.

It got quiet for a moment and Yoongi was still trying to find the right words to say. He obviously remembered his fight with Seolhyun and he felt ashamed.

“Thank you, y/n. For everything, especially for dealing with my drunk ass.” Yoongi sat back up again and placed his hand on your shoulder.

“It’s no problem. I’m always here for you, Yoongi.” You smile at him still fighting your own emotions.

“I didn’t say anymore stupid stuff, did I?” You suddenly remembered the last thing he muttered before drifting off to sleep and it made you uneasy. But again, it was something he didn’t need to know.

“Nope. You just kept laughing to yourself and talking about how sleepy you were.” You lied trying to keep yourself together on the inside.

Yoongi chuckled and silently asked for another bite of ramen. “Good. Ah, fuck, I should text Jungkook. Just to let him know I’m alive and hungover.” He slipped his hands into the pockets of his basketball shorts but came up empty.

“I’ll get your phone. I’m gonna make myself a cup of coffee anyways.” You placed the chop sticks back into the bowl and stood up. “Eat, Yoongi. Please.”

Yoongi smiled and slowly nodded his head. He watched you disappear into your room for a couple of seconds and came back to toss his phone to him. As you waltzed in your kitchen, he couldn’t tear his focus away from you.

You were always so caring and selfless towards others since he met you and it was something he admired. Even if you both playfully bickered over small things, you were always patient with him and always understanding. He felt his stomach turn and it wasn’t because of the nausea.

He reached for his cup and smiled at the little orange cat that was painted on the outside. Cats weren’t always his favorite animal, but ever since you couldn’t stop texting him multiple photos of kittens and cats, he had a change of heart. Soon after, you returned mixing your caffeinated beverage in your own coffee mug that had a turtle on the outside.

“What?” Yoongi didn’t realize how long he was staring at you until you spoke.

“Nothing.” He bit back a smile behind the coffee mug as he took a sip. “Feed me.” You tilted your head and gave him a fed up look, but you still picked up the bowl of ramen and gave it another good stir.

As you fed him another bite of ramen noodles, some of the soup spilled from his lips and onto his chin. You immediately set the ramen aside to reach forward and wipe it away with your fingers. Yoongi’s breath was caught in his throat and for the first time in a while, he felt butterflies in his stomach.

♡ rae jagi

[garden-of-succulents]

I was trying to put some of Bitty’s tweets in order for a small screencap but then it just turned out to be easier??? to format the entire month of March 2016??? IDEK a little bit of computer code is a dangerous thing to know

ANYWAY. As available here, except in chronological order, here are Bitty’s most recently-released tweets:

1  @omgcheckplease:  I refuse to talk about politics, but I literally let out a sigh of relief when coach told me who he voted for. <3 THANKS, POP!

2  @omgcheckplease:  Personally? I'd teach the finer workings of Samwell hockey anywhere but on that upholstered cesspool we call a couch, but I trust Lardo.

3  @omgcheckplease:  Lardo: And if someone's late you just write it down. If someone doesn't show let RH know. Ford: RH. RansomHolster. Got it. Lardo: 'swawes.

4  @omgcheckplease:  Ford: Right. I get that it's positive? But why do you guys say 'swawesome? Me: You'll find something weirder to worry about soon enough.

5  @omgcheckplease:  Nursey: Hey, Las Vegas is playing Providence tonight. Dex: Uh oh. Jack versus Parse. Dex: I'm obvs rooting for Jack but that should be good.

6  @omgcheckplease:  I shouldn't be thinking about jam this much, but here I am. Thank my wonderful aunt.

7  @omgcheckplease:  NHL players like pie--but also mason jars filled w/ jam prepared according to an old family & aunt-perfected recipe. (A lil' bird told me.)

8  @omgcheckplease:   But when your friend asks you to make a batch, does he mean enough for his team? Does that include the coaching staff?

9  @omgcheckplease:  Whew! Now I can hit the hay. #PVDFalconers!

10  @omgcheckplease:  What Ransom &I Talk About: - Hockey / The underclassmen - Life plans - Music - Dating and significant others. - Alexei Mashkov's instagram

11  @omgcheckplease:  Tango: I had a date to homecoming my senior year, but before that I was homecoming alone. Nursey: PFFFFFT. Dex: Jesus, Tango. Chowder:...OH

12  @omgcheckplease:  Picked up my phone to capture that poor child Tango's words in tweet form.

13  @omgcheckplease:  The #GoPVDFalconers appreciate their fans; I appreciate the #GoPVDFalconers; I therefore appreciate all Falconers fans!! <3

14  @omgcheckplease:  I'm nervous because I'm always nervous before hockey...but I've never seen Ransom and Holster so jittery.

15  @omgcheckplease:  But for good reason. #ECACHockey QTR Finals, here we come.

16  @omgcheckplease:  I'm excited for my day or three of visiting a special someone (<3), but I need to give this team 100% of my focus. #SamwellMensHockey

17  @omgcheckplease:  #GotYourBack

18  @omgcheckplease:  Tough loss. Thank you to everyone who made it out. #samwellhockey #ECACHockey

19  @omgcheckplease:  It's good to have someone who understands and can talk you through a loss, get you grounded for the next game. <3

20  @omgcheckplease:  Getting pump up texts from former teammates is one thing; getting texts from pros with no Samwell affiliation is another! #GoPVDFalconers

21  @omgcheckplease:  Y'all've seen Tater's instagram--I'm still not sure what all those parenthesis are supposed to mean???

22  @omgcheckplease:  Hey, y'all. Thanks so much to everyone who supported us this season! All the love in the stands and around campus means everything. <3

23  @omgcheckplease:  I'm so thankful for our seniors--our captains & our team manager--for giving us 110% of themselves. They exemplify the team motto. <3

24  @omgcheckplease:  Lots of love for Samwell hockey these last few days. Going to spend the break focusing on this team and our seniors especially.

25  @omgcheckplease:  Oh, my heart "hi b! hearing news..........(((" "thank u for jam! so good)))"

26  @omgcheckplease:  Doing some spring cleaning before I go and watch some games hosted by the national professional ice hockey league.

27  @omgcheckplease:  That Lardo and Ransom are finally organizing themselves for their birthdays their *senior* year is somehow appropriate. It's gonna be big.

28  @omgcheckplease:  I'm not even going to pretend that I retained MAX 5% of the French I learned. Y'all everyone has their talents; language is not mine.

29  @omgcheckplease:  Like, I remember some phrases & can read and understand more than I can speak? But If I had to call an ambulance in Marseille, I'd perish.

30  @omgcheckplease:  A beautiful language! I wish I were better! Oh and the pronunciation I learned is all jumbled up with Quebecois in my fool mind.

31  @omgcheckplease:  Why is it that I'm not at the Haus when the legendary Shitty Knight is back in town wreaking havoc in Samwell, MA?

32  @omgcheckplease:  oh smh group text is

33  @omgcheckplease:  Shitty: everyone knock on all the wood around you but can we give it up for JLZ & the Falcs Shitty: summer vacay we're smashed in Welltown

34  @omgcheckplease:  Lardo: I need to beat Alexei Mashkov at beer pong.

35  @omgcheckplease:  Jack: haha he's serious about that. Lardo: then why has it taken so long Lardo: time and place Shitty: yessss that's my girl

36  @omgcheckplease:  Tater is literally twice the mass of Larissa Duan.

37  @omgcheckplease:  Anyway! Back to (#) (◡‿◡) (!)

38  @omgcheckplease:  Ransom has his computer and Lardo is writing lists. They're up to something.

39  @omgcheckplease:  Nursey just texted me that he really needs "baked goods" this afternoon. I wonder why he's having a bad day?

40  @omgcheckplease:  Well! I'll be cooking for most of the day anyway! Because y'all? Jam is in **demand**

41  @omgcheckplease:  WHEW. There's something comforting about a warm kitchen full of mason jars.

42  @omgcheckplease:  The situation: A friend of a friend got hold of my aunt's jam, & now a good portion of a pro. hockey team is on a jam (or pie) waitlist.

43  @omgcheckplease:  He's got more important things to focus on at the moment, but a member of that team should be by this week to pick up the goods!

44  @omgcheckplease:  I'm being *so* vague. Y'all'll *never* guess which former Samwell hockey captain and #GoPVDFalconers star will be dropping by for jam.

45  @omgcheckplease:   And I really don't mind! I should be doing my reading for Alice, but she's getting jars too. Y'all, what's spring break FOR?

46  @omgcheckplease:  Dex just showed up, saw the chaos, and dropped his backpack in the corner. Dex: Need help? Me: Bless your heart.

47  @omgcheckplease:  Only on very rare occasions do I use that phrase with good will and a positive intent. <3 These frogs.

48  @omgcheckplease:  Nursey: He only wants your dibs. Dex: (1) Bitty's not graduating. (2) You know that people are capable of doing things for others, right?

49  @omgcheckplease:   Nursey: He only wants your jam. Dex: Dex: Bitty I wasn't going to say anything but it's my mom's birthday next week and

50  @omgcheckplease:  She's up to something.

51  @omgcheckplease:  This t-shirt might smell like cherries for the rest of its existence.

52  @omgcheckplease:  All these girls out here with majors like "engineering", "art", "cs", & "poli sci". I'm literally trying to graduate by writing a pie essay.

53  @omgcheckplease:   *A very lengthy pie essay. Unfurling the shifting roles of baked goods in specific historic eras is copious research.

54  @omgcheckplease:  Coach: How's school? Me: My GPA's at [OMITTED], meeting w/ my American Studies adviser on my thesis Coach: History? Me: Me: Pie history.

55  @omgcheckplease:  Holster: what ever happened to the better bitty's butt thing or whatever? Ransom: oh the bureau? i'm not saying we achieved goals but.

56  @omgcheckplease:  *Ahem* Though not much has changed I feel more confident in my assets. It was about bettering the bitty and not the booty all along.

57  @omgcheckplease:  Aw, well Ford sent out a lovely email to the boys. She's getting good practice in.

58  @omgcheckplease:   By lovely I mean a detailed schedule of dates for spring semester conditioning, but you get me.

59  @omgcheckplease:  I've been so focused on the making of pies & jam that I haven't noticed the STORM on the horizon. Hurricane Lardo&Rans are up to something.

60  @omgcheckplease:  They're not trying to hide anything from me, but this might have to do with the kegster they're planning. Or Lardo's birthday?

61  @omgcheckplease:  Or Rans'--their bdays are so close together. I gotta tie ribbons on a few dozen mason jars, I'll report when Holster spills the beans.

62  @omgcheckplease:  I ALMOST JUST DROPPED A JAR OF JAM.

63  @omgcheckplease:  Y'all the #EasterKegHunt, the Sunday kegster, and the birthdays are *all ONE THING*

64  @omgcheckplease:  =Group Text= Me: When were y'all going to tell me about this GIANT KEGSTER? Rans: I think we did. Lardo: p sure we did Dex: yuuuup

65  @omgcheckplease:  Chowder: u guys order the kegs in the kitchen! Holster: Bitty, kinda late, but you've been in a weird jam headspace for the last few days.

66  @omgcheckplease:  Okay, Nursey and Dex are downstairs and are going to help me out. I'm so confused.

67  @omgcheckplease:  I guess...I did make a lot of jam. It all happened so fast. These can all fit in Jack's car, right? He'd make two trips.

68  @omgcheckplease:  I'm going to bake a pie to recalibrate.

69  @omgcheckplease:  Jack: How much is there? Me: A few jars! Holster: Jack, we have the highest jam per capita in the state of Massachusetts.

70  @omgcheckplease:  Jack: It can't fit in one car? Please send a picture. Lardo: lol bring a friend Lardo:....bring tater

71  @omgcheckplease:  I've stepped out the Haus and can see the volume of jam I produced. I should have stuck to the rivers and lakes that I was used to.

72  @omgcheckplease:  New Falconers faceoffs for your AM viewing.

73  @omgcheckplease:  =On Shorts= Whiskey: Yeah. They don't look good on the average man. Tango: My legs get so hot. Whiskey: Well. Golf & basketball shorts.

74  @omgcheckplease:  Whiskey: swim trunks. I guess athletics shorts are fine. Tango: Mosquito bites when you're wearing jeans. Can never really get 'em.

75  @omgcheckplease:  Tango: when it comes to clothes, I just wear whatever and go. Whiskey: I'm taking the last pie slice.

76  @omgcheckplease:  I have no idea why I love these tadpoles so much, but I do.

77  @omgcheckplease:  Waking up to the sound of wheelbarrows and dollies thumping around downstairs. It's #KeagsterSunday.

78  @omgcheckplease:  Ah! Guess who's here and brought a friend!

79  @omgcheckplease:  Jack just sighed and looked at me. "Hey, Happy Easter. What's the jam situation?" Good morning to you too.

80  @omgcheckplease:  He actually said hi though. I'm paraphrasing. He's absolutely not ready though.

81  @omgcheckplease:  Tater: Hey, Zimmboni this not bad for uni party hauses, you know? Clean floor... Tater: [points] Wow curtain!

82  @omgcheckplease:  The Swallow moves fast, but these hockey players and these mason jars should be out of here soon.

83  @omgcheckplease:  But of course Alexei Mashkov wants a TOUR. "College! Yeah, show me everything!"

84  @omgcheckplease:  Whiskey and Tango looking very nice in suits. Jack: Hey [picks up box of jam] Whiskey: do you need help with that we can if you do but yeah

85  @omgcheckplease:  Tango:...Is Jack Zimmermann stealing Bitty's jam?

86  @omgcheckplease:  = Group Text = Nursey: whens the easter keg hunt Lardo: later Jack: hey y'all! You should drop by before Jack and Tater head out!

87  @omgcheckplease:  = Group Text = Jack: i'm on Jack's phone. Dex: The y'all sorta tipped it off.

88  @omgcheckplease:  Me: So that was *my* room, and this used to be Jack's, and down the hall are the stairs to the attic. Me: Oh hi Rans. Rans: .............T-

89  @omgcheckplease:   I think he just woke up.

90  @omgcheckplease:  Okay, we're all done here! I was about to put on a brunch for our lovely guests but *somebody* said quote: "Bits, you really don't have to."

91  @omgcheckplease:  Well, I was just *trying* to say goodbye to these young men when the door to the backyard opened. It was Lardo.

92  @omgcheckplease:  Lardo: Alexei Mashkov. Tater: [turns around slowly] Tater: ... Tater: Lardo.

93  @omgcheckplease:  Well, I'm starting brunch while Tater and Lardo sort all this out. Please don't get beer all over my clean floors.

94  @omgcheckplease:   *lunch with brunch food. Drat, it's too late for a ham. Well, we can only do our best, can't we?

95  @omgcheckplease:  Jack: where's Rans? Holster: Hiding. Holster: Didn't you guys say you were heading out like two hours ago? Jack: Yes.

96  @omgcheckplease:  I have no idea how many rounds they've played but Tater is shouting "best 7! best 7!" This food is gonna get cold.

97  @omgcheckplease:  Jack keeps asking Lardo and Tater if they want food. Instead, a shout--"Tango, bring me a plate. With food ON IT."

98  @omgcheckplease:  From the hallway. "WHAT! NO! No no no! No way!!! Best NINE!!!!!!"

99  @omgcheckplease:  Rans & Lardo made an event for a #KeagsterSunday Pre-game Kegster Hunt and and wellies are...beginning to show up. Um?

100  @omgcheckplease:  For the record, Tater's playing with water. Lardo's playing with who knows what.

101  @omgcheckplease:  Jack: Ok. Let's head out. Tater: Hey, it's fine! I mean, i'm doing better with crowd.

102  @omgcheckplease:  All right, Jack's cutting things short. ("COME ON, ZIMMERMANN!" "ZIMMBONI IT'S TIE!!!!" "No. You guys can have a rematch later.")

103  @omgcheckplease:   He's serious...

104  @omgcheckplease:  Jack went up to the attic to wish his our captain a happy birthday...And they're off. Lardo and Tater are...friends? Colleagues?

105  @omgcheckplease:  Oh my goodness. Whenever we decide to name a kegster, something strange is bound to happen. #KeagsterSunday

106  @omgcheckplease:  You're not doing college right if you're not finding easter eggs filled with miniature liquor in your backyard.

107  @omgcheckplease:  And yes, they do make mini kegs. The frolicking!

108  @omgcheckplease:  Ransom: Do you think Tater and Jack will come back? Holster: Um. Holster: Sure, bud.

109  @omgcheckplease:  The Group Text Shitty: what the fucking heck is going on in Samwell, Massachusetts.

110  @omgcheckplease:   Lardo: i was so close shits

111  @omgcheckplease:  Whiskey: It's cool how Jack just drops by whenever. That's alumni relations! Tango: ....Huh...Isn't it because he's--OW.

112  @omgcheckplease:  Dex just smacked Tango in the back of the head. It could have been a dance move. It's a kegster, who knows.

113  @omgcheckplease:  Tango: ow.........OHh! He wasn't stealing the jam! Haha, wow, I'm glad.

114  @omgcheckplease:   Ohhh, *his friend and our captain!

115  @omgcheckplease:  New conditioning sched: afternoon practice and afternoon classes mean late night baking and bad habits.

116  @omgcheckplease:  There are times when I thrive rising early? (Esp. when it means trying out new things for breakfast.) But other times...well!

117  @omgcheckplease:  Despite my team being creatures of habit, we're also college students / love sleeping in. Not natural early birds (well, most of us)!

118  @omgcheckplease:  Not sure if y'all remember, but I used to Tweet about Shitty busting in on Jack quite a bit. Those were mornings! Classic #SamwellMensHockey

119  @omgcheckplease:  Big game for the Falconers tonight...#GoPVDFalconers!

120  @omgcheckplease:  Nervous for hockey. The Falc have been looking so strong this season. Let's go, boys! #GoPVDFalconers

121  @omgcheckplease:  Chowder: !!! Is that Shitty and Lardo on the jumbotron??? Chowder: Oh, it's not. Well, I still like those people!

122  @omgcheckplease:  Pie's in the kitchen, we're in the den, laptops and textbooks and pies and hockey. Good vibes from here to Providence. #SamwellMensHockey

123  @omgcheckplease:  (I have a reading response due in two hours that I should have done over spring break, but c'est la vie. (I remember French!))

124  @omgcheckplease:  During commercial breaks, I'm wondering how this TV has managed to survive so many kegsters, even if it's been carefully stowed away.

125  @omgcheckplease:   If you remember, Shitty had his door kicked in one year--nothing's safe. But THE GAME.

126  @omgcheckplease:  Ugh.

127  @omgcheckplease:  They had a good screen on Snowy; he didn't even see the puck.

128  @omgcheckplease:  By the way, watching anything with Holster means you're watching something with Holster. "These announcers are Schooner announcers, geez."

129  @omgcheckplease:  "I'm telling you, the do more close-ups on Jack than anyone else."

130  @omgcheckplease:  "Hey, Rans, it's Tater, the love of your life. For the record, I think Alexei Mashkov thinks my name is Randy and Ransom's name is Adam."

131  @omgcheckplease:  "Their power play is killer. OH, Shitty just texted everyone that they're DEFINITELY doing more close ups on Jack. How's that not creepy?!"

132  @omgcheckplease:  1-1 !!!!!!!!!

133  @omgcheckplease:  Me: POOTS!!!!! Dex: They don't actually call him that, right? Dex: At least Jack wouldn't-- Dex: I called a guy Shitty for an entire year.

134  @omgcheckplease:  Nursey: Kent Parson's been in like 3 commercials since we turned this on.

135  @omgcheckplease:   We're all confused by this. Uncanny on a number of levels.

136  @omgcheckplease:  Down. Come on, y'all.

137  @omgcheckplease:  When it comes to my peach pies, Ransom in part

138  @omgcheckplease:  YES

139  @omgcheckplease:  Never check on a pie during play because you'll miss your FRIEND SCORING!!!!!!!

140  @omgcheckplease:  I need to see that replay 20 more times, so someone better post that online in the next 60 seconds, thanks. #GoPVDFalconers

141  @omgcheckplease:  Half of Samwell men's hockey is in the den about to watch this last period of the #GoPVDFalconers game.

142  @omgcheckplease:  No shade to Seattle, but they HAVE to lose. (Even though I think #16 for the Schooners is getting a jar of vanilla bean plum from me?)

143  @omgcheckplease:  (I have no idea. A Falc owed one gentleman who was roommates w/ another player--I just gave it all to Jack and try not to think about it)

144  @omgcheckplease:  Schooners power play. Lord.

145  @omgcheckplease:  Come on. I swear this team does better when their backs are to the wall.

146  @omgcheckplease:  PLEASE

147  @omgcheckplease:  Lardo' s stress snapchats are calming in a time like this.

148  @omgcheckplease:  Lord. Another penalty to kill. #GoPVDFalconers

149  @omgcheckplease:  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!

150  @omgcheckplease:  TATER SHORT-HANDED AAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

151  @omgcheckplease:  Oh my god, I'm crying. They could make it. Oh Lord.

152  @omgcheckplease:  Watching is one hundred times more stressful than being on the ice.

153  @omgcheckplease:  Lord! It's easier to tweet and listen to these boys reactions, haha!

154  @omgcheckplease:  mY HEART.

155  @omgcheckplease:  Half a dozen teams are already guaranteed a spot in the NHL playoffs. The Falconers just joined them #GoPVDFalconers #PVDFalconers #GoFalcs!

156  @omgcheckplease:  = SMH Group Text = Rans: YEAAAAAAAAAAAH Chowder: Jack!!! Dex: CONGRATS, man! Holster: JACK!!! Shitty: WE'RE GETTING DRUNK IN PROVIDENCE

157  @omgcheckplease:  = SMH Group Text = Lardo: you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you

158  @omgcheckplease:  He'll smile when he can finally check his phone. :)

159  @omgcheckplease:  The little blurb in The Daily on the Falcs!

160  @omgcheckplease:  Dear S.O., Wow! It seems as though one of my favorite vocalists/performers has released a clothing line--and my birthday is upcoming!

[solasulad]

Should I Feel Like This?

Ive put off writing for a bit.. My brains all over the place Like I do things to myself unknowingly realizing what the out come is. Last week Tuesday October 9th I went out to shisha with a girl friend. Ended off dropping her off at her place mad early like always and decided I still had time to kill before going home. So messages hermit. He was in my area watching a movie at the theatre.. said he’d leave the theatre to come see me and “hang” but I was kinda 50/50 on that. So he said come pull up and i did. Got in my car and we drove over to another fucking city within the region to get his car.

A total of 15-20 minutes on the highway knowing I only have my roads permit. During the car ride we were talking like saying we could’ve slept sooner back then but we both kinda didn’t think of it. He wasn’t feeling me and I wasn’t feeling him we where just friends. Could’ve pulled a move on him back in 2017 summer when we went to a club together and danced but after that we just went our separate ways.

Get to his car and we drive off to another location that’s empty.

We start making out and I’m now self-conscious because I have bath breath....

Me make out and he’s so aggressive mad aggressive like I’ve never seen. Biting my neck and nipples kissing me hard all over my body. I go down to give him head and he’s trying to get me to deep throat something I’ve never done before!!!! And his dicks already huge as fuck too. I tell him I can’t and he still continues to push my head down hurting me I couldn’t breathe. I look up at him and say I give up tapping out and he’s like “you’re not a freak like you said you where” I gave up. I get on top and slowly put his dick in me and I already felt the pain! I move in motion by my self and start screaming scratching him. About maybe 4 minutes in he pulls me off throwing me to the side and takes the condom off. I look at him like did you come? And he’s like no. So I said why’d you stop??? He’s like I’m hurting you. I said no!!! Wth why it was good why’d you stop. As he’s still taking the condom off I just look at him confused. He takes it off and steps out side still hard. I’m like your still hard wth? He’s like I’m 24 I can turn it off basically... I get quite. I fix myself my make up a mess, black tears on my cheeks from the mascara.

Tryna wipe it off putting myself together before he comes back in the car. I get dressed and just sit there confused.

As we drove back to my car he’s like “I normally had sex with older women”.. yah that makes sense... those women know what their doing.. so then he says tbh your soft, I would’ve hurt you. I’m like oh wow okay. Thanks I guess. So I say yah I guess I normally have a fuck buddy and his isn’t big as yours. Yours probably would stretch me out... I leave the car telling him I’m gonna hit up my fuck buddy and fulfil the rest of my night.

Well that’s that. I’m apparently soft. Been texting has continually to show him I here because I felt this vibe he’s been dealing with some shit and he called and cleared that up with me maybe last weekend of last week. Come to Wednesday night I stay in and keep it simple. Has called me during the afternoon but I felt a bit sick and just woke up conversation felt weird.

Thursday night I go into work. Get off Friday morning and text has and mo”de the same message “good morning” Mo’de responds back has doesn’t. Saturday I get off at 12pm and sleep for a bit Around 10pm ish I get a call from has telling me he fixed his car and that things are kinda okay now. I’m still showing him support also giving him a positive image and advice. I still text mo’de kinda on and off at this point. While still texting my neighbour about linking up so he could eat me out tehehe. Sunday afternoon I go into work get off at 12am and get a call from has around 1am. Prior to that when I was driving home I felt all sad. Like with all of these guys. I felt sad that when they’d ask me what was up I’d say nothing when in reality so much was going on. That I’ve built walls around myself and no one even notices. I kinda wished they cared more but I can’t change how they want to treat me. Come to a conclusion that I’d have to end one of the situationship I have going on with either mo’de or has. It’s tough cause they both told me not to leave them. But there i go Tryna make something that’s nothing into something. Even tryna plan things together outside of our regular day to day lives. So I said I’ll give it time and know my worth with these guys. So I get a call around 1am from has.. and I ignore it. I then get a follow up text message maybe 20 mins later stating that he has love and respect for me but he can’t see this going anywhere. Told me that he doesnt want to hurt my feelings and I can have a good life.

I read that messages and cried. I cried but laughed at myself. I wrote back saying I was trying but I get it hope he finds happiness and a peace in the near by future. I could’ve wished hell on him but I just couldn’t. I’m not like that. It’s all a whatever to me. I place myself in these situations but at least this time I was making use of it. Getting dicked down by other niggahs while claiming I was innocent and pure. Ha I’m living in my karma can’t blame myself. But I get it, felt that disconnection too. I’m not crying my eyes out like he probably thinks I am. I’m unfazed at this point I get it we didn’t connect I seen it with my eyes but it would’ve been fun to have fun with him. But it’s all good. That happened Sunday night. Monday came and I kept re-reading the text message. Like okay it was real.

Tuesday I went out shisha and more shisha posted snaps and insta video seen he still follows me confused like you think I’m gonna unfollow you nah niggah you’re gonna watch me post my snaps and vids see me all unfazed and Shit like you thought wrong bitch.

Wednesday night I stay in. Talked to mo’de via text like always talking about he wants to come to mtl with me on my bday weekend. Uhm I’ll think about it. Thursday night aka now at work We still talking told him my bro’s getting married to that girl he said he knew wanting to know any info on her. Then tonight he hits me up with that “when can I see you 🙄” asked why the face said it’s been too long. Yah you made it that why duh. But told him I’m mostly working weekends and that I chose that shift cause I don’t do shit on weekends. He replied back like our schedules don’t match but blah blah blah.

I don’t even see myself with him either. If anything he was the first on my list to cut off. Physically I’m not attracted to him, mentally we don’t connect he’s an air head and doesn’t show me any love that I need. Last we went out was the night before I went to Miami July.. then I last seen him was when we linked up last week of August.. then the whole shisha spot incident.... he messaged me like a week and a half later tryna see me. But it’s just so bad. I gave up on trying with him. He hurts me like the efforts I put in I don’t want that kinda hurt again.

If we link up we link up, but I’m not gonna settle for a car convo unless I’m cutting him off. And as stupid as I may sound... winters just around the corner. I might want his company but we’ll see what happens.

So i’m apparently soft, unattractive and not worthy of seeing. ​

[datingadviceonreddit]

I [27M] have been single for the better part of the last 4 years. I've been dating on/off when I have time, mainly through apps. Recently I met a girl on an app [26F] who I'm interested in, which seems to be rare for me these days. We met in person and hit it off - she's really sweet and bubbly, seems like a really nice girl. My type. She tells me she recently quit her job because of some really unfortunate working conditions, which I completely understand because it sounded pretty rough. Consequently, she's living with her parents and looking for a job.Tried to arrange a second date about a week or so later. This girl is abysmal at texting. I'm talking a full day between when I text/ask her something and her response. Usually when this happens, I'm immediately clued in to the fact that they aren't that in to me so I move on. Except her responses are usually long winded and have some sort of explanation. I'm not seeing anyone else so I figure what the hell, might as well make myself available. She seemed to be always busy with something (organizing her mom's landmark birthday, going to a cottage for the weekend, etc.) On a Tuesday, we manage to plan to see each other for the Thursday. On Wednesday, she reschedules to Friday because of a friend's birthday, and then on Thursday morning she says the friend canceled the plans so shes available tonight again. Bit flaky, but I'm happy it worked out. Great.We see each other and it was really fun. It's quite clear to me that we're clicking, so I made a move near the end of the date and kissed her, she grabbed my hand and we walked back to the car and I drove her home. On the date she casually mentioned that ~ a week and a half from then, she might be leaving on a last minute week long trip overseas so she's tied up with that.The next day she confirms that she'll be leaving (in 9 days). I casually ask her to get some pizza 2 days from now. She takes over a day to respond and says shes busy planning her mom's bday and preparing for her trip (still over a week away) and makes no attempt to reschedule. At this point I'm kind of spent. I consider myself a pretty patient/understanding person, but I'm quite busy as well. I have a pretty demanding job (sometimes I work 2 or 3 weeks without a day off, on night shifts), and I also play a sport semi-competitively. But I'm trying to make more room in my life for dating because it's what I want. Anyway, after this I don't text her for about 4 days or so just to see if she'd text me unprompted.Turns out I was right, she didn't text me at all in those 4 days. So I figure that's it and for whatever reason I'm feeling like I need whatever bit of closure I can get out of this so I message her to say something like "hey it was nice getting to know you, I'm getting the idea you aren't interested, so good luck with your stuff!"She responds something like "hey I was really busy/at the cottage, I'm totally interested but the timing is bad, let's do something when I get back from my trip".Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment so I agree, and we don't message until she lets me know she's back from her trip (over a week later). She makes no attempt to make plans with me, just sending vague half-suggestions that we should "connect tomorrow to plan something" (I'm still not sure what this meant). So finally I say "I think I'll let you plan this one, let me know where and when and I'll pick you up". On Friday, she suggests something pretty ambitious for a third date which I'm excited about, but says she has to be home for a concert later that evening (Sunday) and doesn't give a time for when we should meet up. The day before we were supposed to go she tells me she's starting to feel a cold coming on and shes nervous she won't be able to hang out (which I guess might be plausible because she was just on a 12 hour flight). I tell her "let me know as soon as you know one way or the other, feel better".Lo and behold Sunday comes and it's about noon (probably too late to leave on this ambitious date in order for her to be back for an evening concert), and no message from her. So that's gotta be for sure it, I'm done.Me: "OK I've made some other plans. Really do hope you feel better! I don't think I'm interested anymore in making this work. It was nice getting to know you, good luck with the job hunt and everything else."Me: "(For the record I think you're really cool, just can't deal with the flakiness/last minute stuff)"Her: "Oh no. I just woke up- I must have really needed that sleep because that was not normal. I totally understand how things have come across and why you would feel that way. I know from my end it was really just unfortunate timing (again and again- first with the unexpected trip and then with getting sick) and I had every intention of seeing you this weekend, but I totally understand how it has come across. I'm sorry for any flakiness you felt- really annoying to deal with that and that was never my intention. Happy you made other plans- still sick today so would have had to cancel today. It was great to meet you and wishing you all the best. Please let me know if you want any further of an explanation or anything. And if you're open to it then I'd be happy to try to make it up to you once this cold goes away, but I totally understand if you're no longer interested and I realize that the timing for that is also up in the air and kind of annoying."Me: "I'm open to it, but I leave on a work trip probably Wednesday night and won't be back in the city after that until mid/late October"Her: "Oh boy okay let's see how this cold plays out and I understand if the timing doesn't work out"That was all Sunday and I haven't heard from her since. I think the only reason I'm holding out is because we really clicked and I was excited about it. I meet a lot of girls on apps and never have any luck, usually because I'm not attracted/interested in them.Anyway what do people think? Is this flakiness inexcusable? Am I a sucker? Should I hold out for more? What would it be like planning things with her when she DOES have a job?TL;DR: Girl is astronomically flaky, but will still clearly state she is interested. What should I do?​ via /r/dating_advice

[alxxkim]

December 2

I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together.  It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again.  I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise.  I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am.  I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay.  The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him.  I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it.  I wish I realized how unhappy John was.  But there’s nothing I could’ve done.  And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better.  Maybe I need to take the next semester off.  Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am.  But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed.  He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA  And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to  smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that. 

i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see.  I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to.  Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba 

i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work

i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think.  fucking kill me. i just want to have free time