#Withdrawing

[f1andfooty]

It was fun while it lasted 😭

[smolbean-fae]

Nights like tnight I wish I had someone to help me regress and look after me....

[desswright29]

Heeeeeeyyyy latino folks….y’all remember this?

Yea. The mass deportation from 2019!

Remember how black women were marching and crying and recieving death threats……😬😬😬😬

[afuaama]

me and my minimi. cold hands, warm heart. Part 1. Many moons ago, (2022?) I made the doll and put her up. She felt like a riptide in a quiet ocean. But, she was very pretty. She actually gets nice compliments. Well, we never bonded. (until recently) Part 2. pretty girl rock. an Abenaki tale. (2023) first heard from joseph bruchac. Once upon a time a very pretty girl refused to marry anyone not as pretty as her. So, one day by the river she heard a turtle shell flute song played just for her. He - the player - was very pretty. When she took his hand, it was cold. "that's ok" she reasoned. "cold hands, warm heart." At his home, with his people, with his air. She felt the cold. Cold as stone. Well, he lived under a rock. Underwater. Literally. You see, he was actually Horned Snake. She fled from him with his mother's and grandfather thunderbird's help. Back at her home she finally married a human with warm hands and a warm heart. Part 5. do you love me. do you love me? do You love Me? love, minimi.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

[basically-queenberyl]

I’m trying to withdraw from everyone right now bc I can tell everyone is fucking annoyed by me. And that always makes me question if I’m even a good person. Like maybe what I’m doing is really bad and that’s why people are annoyed. I feel like I’m an emotionally and energetically draining person, and that’s why I have this blog in the first place.

Yes, it’s bc I’m a whiny bitch.

It’s really hard to respond to people and give just enough input, but also simultaneously barely say anything and stay neutral. Also, venting is the fastest way to get things off your chest. It’s hard to bottle it up and it’s not healthy, but a lot of times I look for immediate relief. Sometimes it feels like if you can’t have someone to turn to for venting about everything, then the people who say they care about you don’t actually care. And that’s not true. It just means I’m a negative and childish person and no one will tolerate that when all they’re trying to do is help me.

And people tell me I’m too hard on myself, but u have to be. Bc if I’m not, then I’ll keep being a burden and not get my shit together. I’m just gonna continue venting here when I need to in order to maintain speaking the bare minimum without losing my mind.

[sendryl]

Sometimes I get very sad and very quiet inside and I don't have anything left to give

So I go quiet online

Because that's where my inner voice gets to be the loudest

This is why I'm thankful for queues, because I can leave a bunch of things in them and then still see your responses to that, despite my momentary silence

It's nice for quiet times

[heritageposts]

Translation: What a shitshow. This years Eurovision has gone to hell. And it's first and foremost the EBU's fault.

Also, excerpt from the same article:

Throughout the course of the Eurovision Song Contest, the EBU has acted as if they live in a parallel universe. Eurovision is one thing, the world outside something else. The EBU has stuck its head in the sand. Shoved the problem under the rug. Held their hands over their ears and shouted LALALALALA. They appear to have done everything they can to pretend it's possible to hold an apolitical event in a world that's on fire. We have come together to be "united by music", they say, but the sharpshooters on Malmö's rooftops have nothing to do with us! In its struggle to remain apolitical, the EBU has become like a small fascist state in itself, where the artists' space for expression and action has been reduced as much as the undergarments of the Spanish dancers. It is reprehensible.

Reminder again to BOYCOTT EUROVISION 🇵🇸

Don't watch, don't vote.

[xtrablak674]

Debilitating Mental

Good morning Ms. Stone, while at the supermarket this morning I realized that my mental health can be monitored directly by seeing how often I am journaling and taking self portraits versus when I am not. Something that has been hard for me to determine is when I am having a depressive slump. I've gotten better, but this is something more tangible which makes it clearer. • 8:32 AM

Good morning. Is the correlation that you take more pictures and journal more when you're feeling in a better state or is it the inverse of that? - Ms. Stone iPhone) • 8:42 AM

Its exactly that, when my mental health is better I journal more and do my little mini-photoshoots when I go to the supermarket. The screenshots show the last three months and June. June and July I was nearly writing about something everyday. But these last two months my writings have continually diminished. • 8:52 AM

I haven't heard from you as much either.

Has anything specifically happened or do you think this is just a low swing? - Ms. Stone (iPhone) • 8:53 AM

The default of my depressive phases are withdrawal.

This is the thing that truly drives me crazy, my last few months have been relatively the same, no dramas, traumas, upsets or anything. And I understand that depression needn't have a specific trigger. Its just hella-frustrating when you're doing a good balance of exercise and diet and you take a depressive tumble right on your face. • 8:57 AM

I was contemplating whether I wanted to even post this discussion, but Ms. Stone asks such good questions, and I love the very meta-nature of using this mini-blog as a way of gauging how I am doing mentally.

None of this was really news to me, I used to be a window-seat demon, perched up there from the time I woke up until the sun stopped shining on my bare backside. Over the last two months, after I get in from my walk its like I never leave the bed, using it a a chaise after making it up. Taking in my television shows on my back as opposed to jacking into my Yamaha speakers for a more deluxe audio-experience.

Seriously, I thought I was just going through a new phase in my apartment where I just wanted to be more horizontal through the day, but over the last week or so I have felt my energy diminish so much that once in the bed, it was a trial to get up and leave it, even for the most innocuous of errands like flipping an album over or getting a drink of water.

I am known to have seasonal depression on top of my garden variety depression or dysthymia, and albeit we have literally moved from Summer into Fall, my mood change is usually relegated to the Winter equinox, when the amount of sun we are getting severely changes. I have noted also during the last couple of weeks I have been sucking up sun like Krypton's favorite last son, making sure that I was always position on the bed to catch the most rays.

The one thing I haven't done is talk about this depressive dip, and it was only my realizing my journaling was directly related to it that I shared it with Ms. Stone. I realize she has her own struggles with mental health issues and I thought my struggles could possibly shed light on her own, and assist her at some future time.

The other thing is I don't really see the point, the only other folks I am interacting with are the children, and I don't think it appropriate for me to bring up such a burdensome topic on folks who are still learning to navigating their own bodies and brains. Then there is that annoying purview of novices in the mental health arena, always asking you how you are. Which isn't really helpful. Life-Kit on NPR did a really good episode of how to approach depressed people or maybe it was anxious folks and interact with them.

I realize that I have become more isolated as I have gotten older, and generally speaking I don't have an issue with that. The thing that drives me a bit crazy is the fact that I don't have any control over when a depressive bout will show up and even with all the tools Ms. Kennedy gave me, I can sometimes still find myself at a loss, no matter how well I was doing previously, and this can be extremely frustrating.

[Photos by Brown Estate]

[kittenquasar]

Stomach hurts, head hurts, heart racing, can't focus. I've been bit by the caffeine gremlin again. Why do they lie about what does and doesn't contain caffeine? This isn't the first time this has happened. First was the root beer, then it was the PC brand carbonated Moscow Mule carbonated water. How is this legal. Total caffeine content from all sources should be displayed on the label, not hidden behind "natural flavors" this has given me trust issues with my food and I hate it. I've been trying to quit for months and the symptoms keep returning. I pray it won't be as bad as last time

[aludraslytherin]

Withdraw because my friends give me off vibes and I don't want to be a burden

[bioethicists]

it's very important to understand how a personality disorder diagnosis functions in the psychiatric system, even if you identify with the diagnosis or find it useful.

personality disorders on your medical record will be used to discredit anything you say or do. they indicate "don't bother listening to this person; apply treatment regardless of their wishes but also they're probably manipulating/attention-seeking so maybe don't bother treating them". needing support becomes attention-seeking. behaviors that would be treated + supported in someone without this diagnosis are ignored or treated as manipulative. providers are instructed to "withdraw warmth" (a real thing in the DBT provider's manual, btw) in response to self-injury or suicidal ideation.

if you have been dx'd with a personality disorder professionally, you likely understand this.

now, here's the important part: this is not an issue of 'stigma' against a politically neutral, pre-discursive True Disease which is being Unfairly Maligned. these diagnoses were formulated based on the idea that some patients cannot be trusted, that some patients seek care too much. they are applied to patient charts as a justification for withdrawing care or as a dismissal of someone "not getting better" fast enough. in the uk, they are often employed by the nhs to shame or problematize people who use large amounts of nhs resources, arguing that receiving a lot of care through the nhs is a negative behavior stemming from a disordered personality.

there are elements of personality disorders which resonate strongly with many people, including myself, but you need to be clear-eyed about the origins + functions of this diagnosis. as a whole, they were created + function as ways to discredit + mistreat noncompliant or "difficult" patients. 'reclaiming' them is not going to change how they function systematically- it is going to make it easier to engage in this systematic neglect by evoking 'ableism' or 'stigma!' when people question the utility or application of the diagnosis.

[zillychu]

anyone done this yet, or

[doesephs]

saw everything BUT the impending yaoi, welcome the office trip hazard jonathan sims!

[lotus-pear]

i miss them......please come back........please come home :((

[exhausted-undead]

"It was affection that held us together."

zoom in for better detail (tumblr likes to butcher my quality lmao)