#With my track record this might take a while but I'm having so much fun with it haha

[bampayr]

What's up Marilevi Nation. I'm working on a little something something for you 👍😬👍

[w--zii]

a surprise - part two

bf!jihoon x f!reader

[minors dni]

smut warning:usage of words like slut, filthy etc. orgasm control, let me know if theres more.

vc:703

you took a deep sigh as you closed the folder in your hands and checked for the time. your dinner order should be here by any time now. you went to kitchen to have some water and when you came back to lay on your shared bed with jihoon, a notification popped on on your screen from him.

▶️AUDIO—6:24

he must be so bored, you thought, as you clicked on the notfication. how innocent.

hi baby^^ listening to it now<33

:)

he only sent a creepy smile and left you alone with the voice record.

first seconds of the audio were only his breathing, you didn't understand a single thing, just continued listening while your eyes kept a stare on the white ceiling.

"y/n.. a-ahh,"

your tracks stopped after hearing his voice. did he really moan your name? your face and entire body started to warm up, you felt like your heart might melt anytime.

"f–fuck oh, feels so good."

you started to breathe heavily.

"i miss you–ah," his every word ended with a whine or moan, it turned you on more. hearing your name on his lips has a dirty impact on you.

now you can hear his breathe getting faster and his groans deeper by every second. you started to squirm in your place, pressing your thighs together to get some kind of friction, didn’t help much though.

jihoon

one message. and he got you. thinking of how wet you would be right now made his cock twitch in his pants. (yes, again, he was desperate.)

"i s–swear, mhh–if i don't get there asap, my cock is g–gonna fall ah–off"

his words made you chuckle. your right hand reached for your clothed wetness, cupping it. you let out a whimper. jihoon didn’t respond to your message yet, he wants you desperate too.

“y/n, i know you're dripping right now. my filthy slut.”

you kept listening to him as he reached his climax. audio ended, you called jihoon in light speed to ask about the heck he done.

he accepted the call with a smirk on,

“what's up baby?” he's having fun and it's obvious.

“jihoonie... i miss you,” you said in a crying tone, he will help, right?

“mhm, i miss you too. i wish you were here, pretty.”

“i love it when you tease me.”

sudden confess made his heart drop.

“oh? is that so?” his eyes turning dark, he knows what you're trying to do.

“you can wait for me, yeah? beautiful?”

“please...”

“it won't take long i promise, baby.”

you fake cried to him, not trying to be a brat but you needed him, now. your pleas continued and jihoon just listened to you. still smiling to himself.

“y/n, i said no. right? you heard me? no touching to yourself. be a good girl for me, yeah?”

“okay hoonie...” almost whispered to yourself. you lost your voice.

“mhm? couldn't hear you, baby.”

“i'll be your good girl i promise, jihoonie”

he grinned when he heard you, you are all pouty and he knows it.

“good girl, as you should. now i'm gonna go, i need to sleep, okay? i'll call you when i'm done with work tomorrow. good night baby. i love you.”

“love you too jihoonie good night.”

you let out a puff and sulked. “really jihoon...”

as you were making your way to bathroom, to get cleaned up, another notification popped on your screen from him.

baby boy^_^;

would you like to send me a picture of yourself too before we sleep?

i wanna see you without a top on, baby.

you cursed in your breath and removed your shirt, your tits bouncing when they freed.

you took a photo showing off your boobs, lips in a pout, you tried to act angry but failed, he'll find you more cute.

that's my girl, thank you. you look so good baby i missed those tits so much.

if i was there i'd just make you cum only playing with your buds

i bet you're so fucking wet for me right now

filthy girl.

tf jihoon you look so good TT

i miss you i miss you i miss youu

shut up or i'll come untouched😭

bet lol

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

a/n: help i don't like this at all lmaoo TT

not proof read. © w--zii. do not repost.

[spaceorphan18]

Romy Fic: Intrusive Thoughts

Rating: T for suggestiveness and one bare ass ;)

Summary: Taking place during XM #4 post-Basketball game. How exactly does Remy get Rogue to agree to go on a date?

Notes: Next piece in my canon series. Wanted to write about how we got from the charged (literally and figuratively) basketball game to Rogue agreeing to actually go out with him. Thus this scene was born. Also, it was an excuse to write Remy in the shower. ;) Thanks @ludi-ling for the beta!

I decided I'm adding a panel to go along with each entry...

****

Intrusive Thoughts

Remy LeBeau is in the shower, deep in thought.  It had been a hot day but that hadn’t stopped them from playing a good game. It had almost felt like being among friends instead of teammates.  Who would have guessed Jubilee would be good for his ego? And showing up the Wolverine is always a plus.  The physicality had felt good, so much more satisfying than the drills in the Danger Room the professor made them run.  Even as the game intensified, it had all been in playful fun.  They had been accepting of him more than he realized.  

Unintentionally, his mind starts to drift.  Starts to dig around in the dark parts that he prefers to keep hidden.  They tolerate him now, but if they knew…?  There are so many factors that may come into play, so many that may blow over his carefully stacked house of cards.  The Thieves’ Guild, would they take him back? (It’s been long enough - surely they would welcome him home?)  Sinister might want another favor.  (The screams of those poor mutants still keep him up at night).  Belladonna… (He doesn’t want to think of Belladonna… How long has it been since they’ve spoken? How long has it been since they’ve touched…).

He closes his eyes, trying to reach out onto something that isn’t connected to his past.  She is the first thing that enters his mind.  Rogue.   She has been on his mind constantly since he had arrived at the mansion.  A welcome distraction to the darkening intrusive thoughts that have been haunting him lately.  

Stormy had brought him to the X-Men, misguided faith that she had in him. And it’s been nice, for a while, pretending to be the hero.  Pretending that there is some actual good in the world he could do.  Pretending that this might be a family worth keeping.  He knows his track record though, and if he was to be smart about it, he’d take off and not look back.  It’d be better for them in the long run.  Maybe better for him, too.  

For as much as he feels the need to go, he doesn’t. Because she’s there.  A beacon of light enticing him.  A smirk climbs on his lips as he thinks back to the court, about holding her in his arms, about what it would be like if she were really under him.  Or above him.  Or anywhere close to him would do.  The beautiful apple of Eden; forbidden to touch despite knowing how sinfully delicious the taste would be.  He knows better, he does.  But she’s not just another pretty girl.  There’s something more going on with this one.  He just doesn’t know what it is yet.  

…Or maybe he does just have a death wish.  

He turns the shower to cold, needing to cool off.  They are, after all, community showers.  

The sound of a muffled jazz song floats through the air.  Intrigued, he finishes his shower. He then grabs a towel off the rack, giving himself a quick dry down, before wrapping it loosely on his hips.  If he’s hearing it right, the music is coming from the room next door.  And he knows whose that is.  He steals a quick look in the mirror, grinning at his own form, wondering how she will react when she sees him.  

Just his luck, Rogue’s bedroom door is wide open and welcoming.   The stereo on her dresser is playing a slow, soulful tune as she sits curled up on her armchair, reading a book.  She’s changed out of her uniform, and looking relaxed in a pair of sweats and an oversized t-shirt that hangs off one shoulder.  God have mercy on his soul. She doesn’t have to do a thing to be breathtaking.  Wanting her is a constant state he doesn’t mind having to contend with.  

She’s so buried in her book that she doesn’t notice him standing there, casually leaning up against the doorframe.  He takes a moment, just to watch her, just to enjoy the wonderful creature that she is before he lets himself be known.  

“That a good book, chere?” he asks. 

Startled, she looks up, finally noticing he’s there.  Her eyes bulge when she sees him, in shock but not with disinterest.  It’s enough to make him grin wider.  

“Gambit,” she says.  There’s a blush on her cheeks as she turns her head away.  “You have no clothes on.” 

“I was just walking by from my shower,” he says, ignoring her observation.  “And heard Glen Miller on the radio.  Beautiful sounds that old boy makes, I just had to stop and listen.”  He takes a step into the bedroom.  Her eyes narrow, but she doesn’t stop him.  “Surprises me, though.  Figured you’d be the type who’d like something a little more…country.” 

She rolls her eyes at him, but smiles.  “I’m allowed to like more than one thing, you know.” 

“So, country isn’t off the table?” 

She bites her lip, looking towards the ceiling as he walks in a little further.  “What do you actually want, Gambit?” 

He comes in close and leans over, nearly whispering in her ear.  “You already know what I want,” he says.  Her entire body tenses as he lingers over her.  He makes her nervous.  He enjoys that he makes her nervous.  He knows when to push and he knows when to stop.  The fact that she hasn’t kicked him outright from her bedroom is a score for the day.  With Rogue, it’s the long game he’s playing.  “What’s this book that has you so engrossed?” 

“Oh,” she finally faces him, surprised.  “It’s nothing.” 

“A Duchess in Need,” he says, intrigued by the title.  “A romance book?” 

“I doubt you have any real interest in my book.” 

“Nothing wrong with a good romance book.” he licks his lips. “I find them inspiring.” 

“I’m sure you do.” 

“So, you wouldn’t mind me having a look?”  He makes a grab for the book.  She tears it away, just out of reach.  He goes for it again, this time using both hands.  The lunge forward causes the towel drop.  

“Gambit!” she cries, dropping the book in order to cover her eyes.  She’s scandalized but he doesn’t much care as he scoops down to pick up the towel and grab the book.  He loosely holds the towel up to cover himself as he flips open the book.  He knows his ass is hanging bare.  He knows, as she peeks through her fingers, that she can see it in the reflection of the vanity mirror.  He wants her to.  

“Oh, this be a dirty book,” he says, very amused as he starts reading.  “Her lips tremble and quiver with desire…”

“Gambit, give it back.” She jumps out of her seat, attempting to get the book out of his hands.  

“His manhood throbs in her hand...” 

“Gambit, I swear, I’ll…” 

“She finally submits to her lust.” 

“Gimme that.” She finally tears it from his hands, pulling it close to her chest.  “I get that this may seem silly to you, but I’m allowed to enjoy my books.” 

He may have pushed a little too far this time.  She is more closed off than ever, holding herself tightly, her eyes once again looking off in the distance.  Only this time there is anger.  “Chere, this book - it’s no good for you.”  

“Why? Because they should only be reserved for perverts like you?” Her voice is sharp.  Cutting.  

“Because it isn’t real romance,” he says.  It’s the seriousness in his voice that gets her to pay attention.  Up until now it’s been all flirty games and teasing words.  Most women he’s encountered, that’s all they need.  Not Rogue.  She’s going to need more.  How far is he willing to go? He isn’t sure.  But he knows there’s something stirring in his heart.  Something he can’t quite figure out.  

He wants her.  He’s known that much since the day he met her.  But he’s learning he may want all of her.  And that’s a much more dangerous game to play.  

“Like you know what real romance is,” she spits out.  

“I do.”  He takes a moment to pull the towel fully around his hips, securing it tightly.  The gesture is not lost on her.  “We get dressed up nice.  I take you to a nice dinner.  We can find some live jazz and dance in the moonlight.  We can talk…” 

“And then?” 

He gives her a suggestive glance.  “And then I take you home like a proper gentleman.” 

She scoffs at him.  “I doubt that.” 

“Your call, chere.” He plays it nonchalant, but his chips are all in.   

A long moment passes. Her eyes flicker as the wheels turn in her mind. It’s like he can see them. Whatever she’s thinking… 

“Okay,” she says carefully. 

“Okay?” He almost can’t believe it.  

“But if you try anything, I’ll break you in two.” 

“I would expect nothing less.” 

He turns to leave, knowing that her eyes are lingering on him, and smiles.  

[mantequillamcwhoremick]

Is there a both option? I mean the question is how far would Cartman go and risk alienating Kenny and I think the answer is quite a lot and the track record really shows that he can get away with basically anything and not get disavowed from the friend group 🤔 so there isn’t really a disincentive to not try to break them up, especially if he thinks they will eventually get over it and return to status quo.

Though on the other hand I do think it could go the route where depending on what lengths he goes to…while it might not permanently sour any relationship Cartman has with the two boy separately, but I couldn’t say the same with complete confidence for the Kenny and Butters connection. I think if any dysfunction starts interfering with Cartman’s schemes, he might get fed up and try to fix it somewhat 🤔 Although somewhat as a side note though he already spews vitriolic hate speech and slurs, I would have a hard time believing he wouldn’t find some way to take advantage of the Bunny relationship and be more embolden to start saying even darker more heinous stuff because he believes he would receive less push back as *insert sound bite “How can I be homophobic my b*tch is gay🎶” *

(In reference to this poll)

True, Cartman would definitely take advantage of his friends being in a gay relationship to get out of any accusations of homophobia just to spew even more homophobic crap, but while Kenny is arguably closest to him out of the main 4, I kinda feel like he doesn't need KENNY to be the friend he takes advantage of bc of this. He would just as much say this about Stan and Kyle (even if they aren't even together lmao) and he is pretty much canonically 1000% on board with THEM being in a gay relationship (see "Cupid Me" and "Guitar Queero").

Some people reblogged the poll with some interesting takes, and I gotta say what convinced me the most is the fact that Cartman just kinda has it out for Butters at all times lmao. I'm convinced he would think that Kenny can do better, and especially if Kenny started calling Cartman out on how he treats Butters, he'd think Butters is "corrupting" Kenny and trying to ruin his and Kenny's BFF-ship.

The way he reacted in concern about Kenny's girlfriend being a slut who would just "throw his heart in his face" in the episode "The Ring" has me convinced, that Cartman somewhat weirdly cares about Kenny's relationships, and not just in a self-serving way. This isn't in an attempt to alienate Kenny, but rather alienate the potential partner, and we've seen a LOT of instances in which Cartman does not have any qualms about painting Butters as the bad guy and/or someone to be made fun of.

As much as I'd love to advocate for some kind of compassion Cartman could express for Butters, their friendship is just not built on that. Butters and Cartman get along well enough, but only as long as Butters goes along with everything Cartman says. Once he goes against it, Cartman either goes LIVID or completely dismisses/invalidates his concerns. Some good episode where you can conclude this, are "Let Them Eat Goo", "The Death of Eric Cartman", "DikinBaus Hotdogs", "Poor and Stupid", "The Magic Bush", "Tegridy Farms", "Super Fun Time" and about a hundred more, but when I think of Butters & Cartman's friendship these are the ones that first come to mind.

The only instances where he kind of seems to care about Butters' distress in small ways are in "The Magic Bush" and briefly in "Super Fun Time", but it's not significant enough to qualify for the genuine respect I see him show Kenny (or even Stan). I can write a whole essay about the nuance of Cartman and Butters' friendship, but that's for some other time. In short: Cartman really likes having Butters do whatever he says, and Butters doesn't even need to do anything particularly defiant for Cartman to start putting him down (ex. the ending of the "The Death of Eric Cartman" episode.) If Kenny, who is Cartman's weird soft spot, started going against Cartman in favor of Butters, whose established dynamic with Cartman completely benefits him, I can imagine that this would rub Cartman the wrong way.

I could be convinced though, that once Cartman realizes how sad it made Kenny, if (thanks to one of Cartman's schemes) his and Butters' relationship were to not work out, Cartman would begrudgingly take some kind of pity on Kenny (and maybe even Butters) and recognize that being together is what makes them both happy. He then would do another scheme that gets them back together, and "Smug Alert"-esque not want them to know that it's thanks to him hahahh

So yeah, it could be kind of "both", but, in my humble opinion, only AFTER Cartman damages their relationship almost beyond repair in an attempt to keep them apart. Which is why I, personally, would still go for the "manipulative-anti-matchmaker" option. But I purposely didn't add a "both" option bc most people would go for that without thinking it over too much lmao

Thank you so much for the ask anon, sorry for taking so long to respond but you truly made me think about this a lot ahaha this kinda turned into an analysis of the trio more than an answer to your ask, I hope you don't mind. You made my braincells fire off

[relentlessconqueror]

Hiiii, so I was thinking here... do you think the reason why Xavi is a menace in the kitchen is because Philos food was vastly different from Earth's? And about Sylus, do you think he sings a bit off-key because the style and tones in which people sung in Tarus was also different? Maybe to their standards they are good at those things, it's just that we have different cuisine and are used to a different kind of singing technique?

Anyway can't wait for December 2.

O, the amount of screeshots I'll be taking....

Take care!

iirc xavier should only be banned from the kitchen when he expresses a desire to use the stove or any electrical appliances 😂 in [galactic harmony] MC is very protective over her new oven in particular. and when he messes up in cooking/baking without involving appliances, it's just because it's his first time doing it like that time he managed to fuck up peeling an apple in [shining light], or when he made ugly egg tarts in [moment's respite] 😭 as royalty, he probably had other people cooking for him all the time in philos so he never learned

maybe you're right, he never really got the hang of earth technology because he's from a different planet, or he's simply terrible at keeping track of time/he's constantly forgetting things because of exhaustion. and i also think it's partially because he's relishing being a "normal" person with more freedom and little to no responsibilities — he keeps burning shit and doesn't make much of an effort to control his disastrous tendencies because he's allowed to make mistakes now. there's no father telling him to take the crown, no group to lead, no MC dying to worry about. i imagine that being allowed to mess up must make him feel a particular kind of relief (i haven't gone through his material in a while though so i might be wrong about something 🤦‍♂️)

personally i don't expect to connect sylus' singing with his backstory. i just think it's a way to nerf him and show us he's not perfect, like his bad luck. it's also fucking hilarious and cute because he's so in denial about it. who doesn't want to see a crime boss force his awful karaoke on everyone in his vicinity. and obviously it's adorable because he loves music soooooo much but he can't replicate any of his tunes with his voice ☹️☹️☹️☹️ and it can't be because of his hearing being different, because he knows how to play the organ. the poor fiends in tarus probably cover their ears when he gets in a singing mood

but i'm very fond of the idea of him singing awfully on purpose because he finds it funny when MC cringes at him, and he sings well when she's not around/conscious to hear it. i'm imagining him making a game of it — how long can he keep up the ruse that he's tone deaf? let's just say it all started in [melodic weave] because he wanted to embarrass her a little during their duet, but then he found her dismayed expression so cute that he wants to replicate it as much as possible in a harmless way. because how could he play an instrument while being so melodically handicapped.... in the base, MC hears beautiful singing and thinks he's got a record playing so she walks into the room he's in to ask about it, but when she comes in it's just sylus humming terribly as usual 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 she asks, disappointed, "are you sure you haven't put anything on?" "yes sweetie 🥰"

i'm waiting for one of the 4 stars to become my wallpaper lol. hope you have fun 😌

[thenightfolknetwork]

Turning isn't fun for me. I don't know if it's my particular strain of lycanthropy or if it's just me, but it hurts... a lot. It's really inconvenient.

I can feel the full moon deep in my bones. I've heard others describe it like a buzzing energy, a pinch in your center, or ah, I don't know a restlessness, maybe? It's annoying and a pain to deal with, but ultimately, nothing completely life altering. It's not like that for me.

For me, the moon is a constant ache that grows worse as the month advances. I can feel my bones grinding, twisting, and shuffling around. I've had to make a chart on what times of the month certain foods are dangerous for me to eat because the closer I get to the full, the more canine my insides are.

Now, my pack is incredibly supportive in all this. We've gone to doctors, witches, the fae, you name it, to try and find a way to cope. So far, we can't pin what's wrong, but we've found a way to manage my pain to be somewhat tolerable. My pack is not the problem. My problem is Debbie.

Debbie is a wolf shifter. While her change is influenced by the moon, she has conscious control over when she can shift, and by her own admission, it's virtually painless. She is also my only coworker connected to the community.

It was fine for a while. I thought we'd hit it off. As the only two people of the night, we could support each other like no one else in the job could. We'd trade jokes, cover each other's shifts at work when we weren't scheduled the same day, or just talk. I considered her a friend, or maybe more than, and even talked about introducing my pack to her.

The thing is, due to the nature of my condition, I have to take three days off a month. For years, this set up as been fine. Sure, I get a little less time off than everyone, but I love my job, and it's not like i can really go anywhere, so I don't consider it much of a loss.

But last month, my time off was denied. They wouldn't accept it. I asked if there was anything I could do to get it off, another sick note or something, but they said that they had "investigated" my condition and confirmed with someone else in the community that I was overexaggerating my symptoms. They told me they would let me off with a warning because of my track record, but not to make it a habit.

I was crushed. One of the reasons I love my job is because of their leniency. Without it, I would get burnt out and possibly aggravate my condition.

I told Debbie what happened. It was partly to see if she could cover my shift, but also to warn her to be vigilant and protect herself in case something similar happened to her. It turns out, SHE was the one that claimed my symptoms were overexaggerated! This whole time, she thought I was making out my condition as worse than it is. Her packmates don't have my problems, so clearly I'm just trying weasel in some paid time off.

I was so, so angry. I shouldn't have yelled, but my pain, both mind and body, was excruciating, and I couldn't take it anymore. I think I got the point across, though. By the time one of my packmates came to pick me up, she looked absolutely wrecked.

It's been a month and we haven't spoken outside of work related things. I'm currently looking for a new job because even with paid time off, my condition is slowly eating into it. Plus, I have a life outside of my job and would like to spend time with my pack.

But I don't want to leave Debbie on a sour note. I might not trust her like I used to, but she was a friend. With me leaving, She'll be the only person of the night in the job. I feel guilty leaving her by herself.

So, how do I approach this? She broke my trust, but we have too much history for me to feel comfortable leaving without saying anything.

How can I talk to her without getting hurt? Is that even possible anymore?

I'll get to the final part of your question in just a moment, reader. First, I want to address some of the issues you've raised about your workplace.

You say that, because you take three sick days a month, you get less holiday than your co-workers. From this, I am inferring that you are taking these days off as holiday rather than sick leave. Which raises a great many questions about their refusal to grant you leave on the grounds of this so-called “investigation” of your condition.

Your employer is entitled to refuse you leave, but they can only turn down those requests on reasonable grounds, and they cannot refuse to give you your leave entirely. This refusal does not seem to be made on the grounds of any clear business grounds – they haven't cited understaffing as the reason, for example.

In fact, any business concerns they might cite are clearly unsubstantiated. You've been working there for years, with no evidence at all that this time off has affected the business. And if they have no business grounds on which to refuse you, you're entitled to take that time off as you wish.

Instead, your employers have refused you on the grounds of their so-called “investigation” of your health condition, thereby treating your holiday leave as sick leave. If this time off is sick leave, they need to do far more than asking the opinion of some random person of the night. To deny you sick leave, they must conduct a proper investigation into your condition and take the actual medical evidence into account.

There is a wealth of medical evidence that somatic transformation is a radically varied phenomenon, and chronic, painful transformations are well-documented as a real medical concern. This is not to mention the evidence you've accrued over the years of your own efforts to find treatment for your condition.

In short, they have no grounds to refuse you this time off. If you really don't want to leave that place of work, you need to stand your ground and push for the leave you're entitled to. Speak to your manager, and make it clear that you know your rights and are willing to escalate the matter as necessary to see that those rights are respected.

I also strongly recommend you speak to this manager about the obvious lack of professionalism shown by discussing your private medical issues with another employee. As well as being a violation of your privacy, it's also demonstrates an appalling lack of respect for liminal identities and the diversity of experiences within the community.

In short, reader, put the fear of God into them. With any luck, you'll be able to keep your job and your time off, and find the balance you need to manage your condition in a healthy, sustainable way.

As for Debbie, that's really up to you. You say you don't know how to speak to her without getting hurt, but that's not something you can control. There is nothing you can do to ensure she won't say something at best thoughtless, and at worst, actively hurtful. All you can do is brace yourself for the possibility, and plan for how you can look after yourself if she does end up hurting you.

To be frank, however, I'm not sure she deserves it. She's undermined your trust and forsaken any right to your time and energy. Talk to her if you really want to, but I think you'd be well within your rights to draw a line under that relationship and concentrate on relationships that centre respect and mutual care – or at the very least, a modicum of solidarity.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[bitchliteraria1906]

Very random headcanons for the dokis living together (take this as poly dokis or friendship, idc)

Tw for small references to depression, disordered eating, self harm and implied abuse.

•They have a chore board to keep track of everything and remember who's doing what. It was Monika's idea and it works pretty well.

•One of the things they learn to memorize rather quickly is each other's eating habits. Sayori comfort eats, Natsuki often stops eating when stressed due to old habits from when she still lived with her dad, Yuri is picky due to sensory issues with texture (autistic Yuri!) and Monika literally forgets to eat if she's working too hard on something. They have each other's needs memorized, keep each other's preferences in mind when buying snacks and coax each other into better habits.

•Speaking of food, Natsuki is the chef, Monika is the second best cook and Sayori and Yuri are... not good. They're trying to learn though!

•There's a significant amount of pride merch around the house.

•Each of them has their own room!

•Sayori's walls are pastel blue and she painted little clouds on it. She also has plushies pretty much everywhere, and tries to sleep with all of them in the bed. Her bedside table is full of origami, always has some water so that she doesn't need to get up if she gets thirsty at night (she has spilled said water on her origami creations and ruined them more than once) and there's 3 drawers for different purposes: the "Fun drawer" has things she needs for her hobbies and little trinkets, the "Emergency drawer" has bandages and painkillers (since she hurts herself all the time by being clumsy) and the "Feelings drawer" has poems, notes with silly jokes or positive affirmations and pretty much anything that could either lift her spirits or help her feel enough to cry and let things out.

•Natsuki's walls are pastel pink and filled with posters of characters and artists she likes. She has a lot of fandom merch, as well as a full gaming pc set up (yes, even cat ears headphones). She also owns a heart shaped mirror, a hello kitty night light and her door has these "Don't disturb", "My room, my rules" signs but with more agressive wording and in pastel colors because she thinks mixing agressiveness with a softer look is funny.

•Yuri probably has the most "atmospheric" room by far. I'm talking scented candles, poterry decorations and such. Her walls are black, which makes her the only one who didn't go with her favorite color (her favorite is purple). Her reasoning is that it makes her feel grounded and sleep better. She has transparent boxes for her knive collection, an altar with crystals and one of her walls is full of polaroids, including photos of the club as well as photos of nature, architeture she found pretty and much more (pushing the "Yuri is into photography" agenda). And of course, books everywhere.

•Monika had the most trouble with her room because she never had the time to think much of it? Like, she had an idea of how she would organize it but decoration was tricky. After a while, she decided to paint the walls an earthy shade of green and get a bed curtain. She also has plants (plant mom Monika, anyone?), her piano and a record player. The only thing on her walls for a while were post its with little reminders, but then she managed to get her hands in some cool images and paintings. Her desk has a mug full of different pens and she has a mat that is white and fluffy.

•Don't be fooled, having cool rooms doesn't stop them from falling asleep in each other's rooms or together in the couch pretty often.

•They have movie nights weekly and take turns picking movies.

•Yuri genuinely tries to stop self harming, and the others help endlessly. There's a silent rule of not leaving Yuri alone for too long in days when she seems too tense, and instead offer to take her to a calming walk or anything else that might help her gather her thoughts.

•In fact, there's a lot of unspoken rules in the house.

•Another big one is not letting Monika overwork, and reminding her to take breaks when she's studying or preparing projects for the club.

•There's also "Don't question Sayori's sudden mood swings or innability to get out of bed, just help". They often bring her water and snacks on bed and remind her that they're there if she needs to vent. She rarely ever does that, but it's still nice to see how much they care.

•And of course, "Don't mention Natsuki's dad and what she went through with him unless it's 100% necessary or she brings it up herself". Of course all of them notice how Natsuki often flinches at loud voices, or how she still feels the need to hide her manga collection and other stuff sometimes, but they don't point it out. Instead, they just silently remind her that she's safe by lowering their voices when they startle her, giving her space when she wants, not going through her stuff, etc.

•They often find themselves copying each other or getting into each other's interests. Some months of living together and suddenly Monika is watching kids cartoons because of Sayori, Natsuki is getting into horror, Sayori sometimes finds herself copying Yuri's stims (she feels super bad because she doesn't want Yuri to think she's mocking her but Yuri actually finds it kind of endearing).

•Sharing clothes. Natsuki specifically is a certified clothes thief.

•Holidays are always cool, especially christmas and halloween. Decorations, fitting music, food and movies, all that stuff.

•Halloween specifically was a bit difficult the first time around because Yuri and Monika wanted to stay home and watch horror movies while Sayori and Natsuki wanted to trick or treat (Sayori because fun and candy and Natsuki because she worked hard on the costume). Yuri was anxious about talking to random people and Monika was tempted but thought they were too old for trick or treating, but they do end up going and having a lot of fun (the four of them still watched the horror movies when they got home though).

•They're all planning on starting therapy.

•"How do they get their money?" What are you, a cop?/j. I don’t know either, I need to think of job headcanons or something.

[bybdolan]

quick ttpd thoughts

ok so. i did listen to a leak so I had time to sit with the OG album for a while. I have not yet listened to all the Anthology tracks, but this not-doing of something is part of my album reaction. Bear with me.

First of all: I am insanely impressed with Taylor for being this raw and messy on record. More distinguished haters have said that this album once again feels like self-mythologizing, but I personally do not agree. User dancefloors had an excellent take on this: the album is emotional and messy to a degree where you feel like you should not be listening to it. At least that's how I felt.

However, that also has a downside. I find many of the lyrics, especially on the standard edition, to be unpolished or downright cringe. This rambl-y first draft type of writing might work for other artists, but I never feel like it works for Taylor. The second line of Fortnight is so awful that I was CONVINCED the leak I heard was AI, and people have talked at length about the tattooed Golden Retriever. Girl. Almost every song had an insane clunker or two hidden in it. This is not helped by what I personally (!) perceive to be a bit of a rehashing of imagery and themes that have been prominent in songwriting trends for the past few years. Killing the woman you are jealous of, Cassandra, religious imagery .... Don't get me wrong, I think the call for "originality" at al costs can be detrimental to art, but frequently with this album i felt as if lines were haparzadly chosen to fit a certain "aesthetic" that didn't mesh well with the rest of the song. Like. Nothing about "my husband's cheating. I wanna kill him." communicates any deeper emotion. (Compared to e.g. Samia's "I hope you marry the girl from your hometown and I'll fucking kill her and I'll fucking freak out.")

The introductory poem is one of the worst things i have ever read.

The thing is. I don't always do well with new releases, they are overwhelming, etc., but I listened to the first four tracks and was like "how can anybody think this is good". Which IS a hater take, and there is much I do enjoy about the album, and I am happy others like it.But with the already present repetition PLUS 15 Tracks .... it is a bit too much. I could go on and on about the repetition of words and themes that feels a bit trite (smalltown stuff, "starry-eyed", "precocious"), but I don't wanna. I wish there had been more editing, and I think I have talked at length before about how I do not like this new era of just putting out everything.

Alas. I did not click with this album and there are very few tracks i want to go back to. So Long, London is a favorite because of the concise lyrics and beautiful production, I can bop to Down Bad, but daddy I love him is fun imagery-wise, Clara/Sam/Sophia/Marcus is sad and also. A Lot., So High School, and I dig "You're not Dylan Thomas, I'm not Patti Smith, this ain't the Chelsea Hotel, we're modern idiots". The 2am tracks need more attention, but I already like Looking Into Windows (?) much more than a lot of other tracks - generally, I enjoy the more genuinely sad Joe tracks about the slow demise of a relationship much more than the fast paced high strung ones.

anything else .... well. I don't know.

[goodbysunball]

August 2024: Habitual socialite

Another delay-ridden post, this one gestating for about a month now, or at least mid-July's when I took the picture above.

Lucky for you there's a fix: Doug Mosurock, formerly of @still-single, is back up and running reviews at Heathen Disco. Doug's the real deal, an obvious influence on this withering Tumblr blog, and his short/sweet review digest, delivered once or twice a week, is well worth a (free, for now) subscription. The onslaught of reviews have hipped me to that CHBB reissue, and I'm sure there'll be a bunch more.

Onto the records, heavy on the punk and hardcore this round ---

Bad Breeding, Contempt LP (Iron Lung/One Little Independent)

Bad Breeding are back to crash your dinner party, armed with exhaustive pamphlets and not letting up on arguments about housing crises well past the point of decor. They have been singularly adept at cataloging the damaged, bleak, backwards, corrupt and blind state of the world, and have done so across a set of blistering LPs and their accompanying essays. Exiled is still my favorite, but I thought the band stumbled a bit on the follow-up Human Capital. The long tracks on Human Capital feel every bit their length, but listening back today, I think "Joyride," "Arc Eye" and "Straw Man" buoy the album with ease around the title track and "Rebuilding." Contempt could be considered a much sharper version of Human Capital, ripe with feedback, near-metal riffing and righteous fury as before, but still extending track lengths with mixed results. The best part of the album, and maybe of Bad Breeding's discography to date, is "Liberty" into "Discipline": the former cold-worked into a frenzied noise over two pummeling minutes, and the latter doing the most with drums, feedback and barked vocals, fighting desperately against being swallowed whole. While they don't touch that peak again on the album (and not many could), "Temple of Victory" and "Vacant Paradise" are furious pounding tracks that, when isolated from the album, pack some real heat. Over the course of the record, the band's relentless sound can wipe out distinctions between tracks, or worse, as on the second half of "Guilded Cage / Sanctuary," drag the momentum to a complete halt. Those minor quibbles shouldn't deface what is an album full of the mid-tempo, bass-heavy, feedback-laden hardcore I'd prefer to hear, and in any case "Guilded Cage" fuckin' smokes. I'd take an album full of "Survival"s or "Retribution"s if it meant more punks railing against the systems in place as Bad Breeding so fervently advocates, rather than against like-minded (or not) peers. Maybe Contempt is asking too much of the discerning public, or maybe the earnestness is a turnoff, because the record can feel easy to dismiss as too reflective of what we can read about or experience without much effort every day. But there remains a fire within the record that feels vital, even if it's not the soundworld I want to enter every day. I think it's one of the best records of the year, not because it has to be, but because the band clawed and teared their way there, producing a ferocious album/package that digs deeply into the late-stage capitalist system we all suffer from. Contempt's not the solution, but it might well inspire it.

Klonns, Heaven LP (Iron Lung/Black Hole)

The most recent Deep Voices post had an interesting dive into perfection vs. originality in music, and Heaven is swinging for perfection in a genre more often satisfied with filth and murk. Here's a rare hardcore record that sounds polished, barely smudged with experimental touches on the edges, and emerging fully formed and fun as hell. Now labeling their sound "The new wave of Japanese hardcore," Klonns are near-bulletproof across Heaven, so much so that I somehow don't mind when they pull out a "GO!" vocal command every track. Gruff, raspy but still intelligible vocals sit comfortably on top of near-metallic riffs and drums that flash just enough to make sure you keep a distance. The resulting sound is roomy and comfortable, like an old hoodie, but with the sleeves cut off and reeking of VFW hall floors. I'll point you straight to "Beherit"/"Realm," the breakdown on the former serving as a primer for the guest vocals of Sailor Kannako ripping apart the end of the latter. The bruising riff at the end of "Nemesis" or the finale to "Replica" sound like a finely honed point rather than emulation: this is a band focused on what makes hardcore vital to them and executing it nearly flawlessly. The electronic intro/outro portions are nice touches to bookend an LP's worth of evidence of what a supportive punk scene can produce when everyone's aimed in the same direction. Sick and wildly unpretentious LP, beautifully packaged and bursting at the seams with music that begs to be experienced live. Maybe someday, but for now, this'll do.

Osbo, s/t 7" (Blow Blood)

A "gritty, modern classic of a hardcore record" you say? I'm as numb to label write-ups for their own records as anyone at this point but that's still a bold gambit to throw down, along with the Cold Sweat RIYL, but Blow Blood rules so here I am. I don't really think many have come close to Blinded except for that way under-appreciated Pious Faults LP, but the sound and attitude on Osbo earn that Cold Sweat comparison. I'll leave it to the real hardcore scholars as to the rest. The band previously released a demo back in the first wave of the Covid pandemic, which I am forgiving myself for missing, but might have to cop after hearing this EP. The vocalist is what sells it here, going full ugly for the duration, the kind of hardcore that would've lit up message boards back in the mutated reign of bands like Twin Stumps or Mayyors. Still works today, especially as a companion to that Bad Breeding LP, feral and ugly hardcore sagging under its own weight, probably causing the rooms they play in to sway like a ship in rough waters. I think "Say It to My Face" is the best track here, but it's hard to deny the nearly side-long "Time," a plodding, abrasive four-plus minutes that basically serves as a perfect showcase for the band's strengths: bass up front, uncomfortably ringing guitar, and the finest "AUGHHHH" I've heard in a minute. That track's worth the price of admission alone, and the artwork/design is aces, too. One hundo copies only, so go scoop yours from Sorry State (they still have the demo tape, too) posthaste.

Shop Regulars, s/t LP (Merrie Melodies)

Another fine recommendation from Matt K.'s Yellow Green Red here, the debut LP of Shop Regulars after a handful of limited, self-released cassettes that you or I will assuredly not own. That's just as well, because the LP's got plenty to unpack. The band sounds like prime Julian Casablancas fronting Horse Lords (or whatever rigidly asymmetric rock band you'd like) covering the Fall, all disjointed rhythms and knotty guitars paving a path for the most unbothered vocals. You'd be forgiven if you're conjuring visions of bands like Dirty Projectors or other lauded indie bands that felt like homework to listen to from that ill-fitting descriptor, but it gives twice what it takes and even tiptoes into spine-tingling on the 11+ minutes of "Emerson Run Down." The two guitars calling back-and-forth in the middle of that track gets me every time, even though you know where it's going, and it sounds like the rest of the band falls into place in real time and thankfully captures it all on tape. The whole record has this loose-but-tight feel, which in the wrong hands can feel very annoying, but here it's anchored by the performances of the patient vocalist and the drummer ready to fill any available void. Doesn't mean the drummer has to work overtime: the restraint on "7 Winds," which utilizes repetition like The Double, chases the spiraling cut-short guitar riff ad nauseam. There is a bed of real feeling here, not the robotic core that bands trafficking in uncomfortable time signatures, repetition and overlapping movements often do. It all makes Shop Regulars surprisingly durable, even helping me maintain a cool head in unbearable traffic earlier this week. Somehow a portion of the 200 copies are still readily available from the link above, but I can't imagine that'll be the case for long.

Sin Tax, Abnegation 7" (Miracle Cortex)

To the point: here's a 7" record packed with hardcore played at the pace of grindcore, draped in the sneering, smoldering frenzy of first-LP Kriegshög. Sin Tax have dropped my favorite 7" since Healer's Resurgence EP a few years ago, taking the torch of Straightjacket Nation and driving straight toward Valhalla. The vocals take a page out of DX's book, which I'm guessing most don't do because of health or safety concerns, and the band cuts all fat and likely into some blood vessels in service of making this as lean and feral as possible. Only "Dog Eat Dog" lets you come up for air, but good luck getting past all the flailing arms, let alone the razor-wire riff of the title track on the first side. Flattened me the first time and now probably the twentieth time I've listened to it; shouldn't be surprised given as it's from the label that released that under-the-radar Execution 7". Still available from the label for about $20 shipped to the U.S., and I'm available to tell you how dumb it is to spend that money elsewhere. "YOU ALREADY PAY."

[starryknights44]

f1 race tier list 2024 edition

Ok. So, I am going to be making an F1 tier list of the races I've watched so far this year. Let me know your opinions, but dont be mean. I am just a girl. 

We will be skipping Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, and Australia because I only want to do races I've personally watched. But I will be watching the race highlights while I'm writing this. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Starting off with the Japanese Grand Prix at Suzuka. 

Fun fact because why not: I did not actually see this race just heard it live (I couldn't log into ESPN) 

Here is an actual fact now: Suzuka was completed in the '60s as a permanent race track, but it didn't have its first GP until 1987, and Lewis Hamilton holds the lap record with a 1:30.983

Completed in 2019. 

5 red lights. 

First lap crash between Daniel Riccardo and Alex Albon 

⋆˙⟡Safety car ⋆˙⟡ 

Looks to be Danny's fault 

⋆˙⟡ Red flag ⋆˙⟡ 

Restart  on lap 3 

French cival war as per  

 Lap 5 good overtake from the inside by George Russell, even better from Yuki on lap 13 going around the outside of the Alpine into turn 7 (I think)

 A good case of team orders from Mercedes. George taking p5 from Lewis on lap 14. 

A pitline straight drag race from Lando and Lewis into the first corner. Lando takes the longer line and comes out ahead.

Mercedes once again proved its falloff during a race last year. Well, except for the cold, apparently…

Lap 18 Red Bull and its early season dominance. Love them, but I'm glad that stopped much more exciting. Dare I say they should have listened to Checo. But I'm not a boss, just a girl. 

Lap 19, looking at the Lewis and Carlos battel, something apparent throughout all the season, but that's not what I meant to bring up. I just wanted a moment of silence for the old Ferrari livery before all the little stupid blue stickers covered it and its drivers. 

…..

Ok, that's enough. On to the next laps  

Lap 23 is a huge pitlane battle between K-mag, Botass, Mr. Freedom (Logan) Yuki, and Stroll. With Ocon getting the jump of the century (not actually, let me know what is your jump of the century)

Mine might be that guy to that one judge  

And Yuki getting out ahead, but Kevin coming in first; not hard when you're pitting against a Sauber and a Haas. 

In lap 26, they just showed an overtake from the Ferrari's back cam. Wow, I miss the old rear-wing 

Ferrari a message for you. 

Do better. 

Lewis can't be seen in that car. 

At 444 words before writing this, its a sign 

From who, idk but a sign nonetheless

Oh, and Charles went wide and lost a place 

Lap 34. Yuki Tsunoda, my goat. 

Logan Sargeant off track 

OH MY GOD, MY SHAYLA, OH MY SHAYLA

Lap 44. Ferrari V Mclaren, another common theme throughout the season.

Lap 46. Ferrari V Self, common again. Ferrari, I love you (I say while screaming into my pillow, crying about all the loss)  

George Russell last lap overtake on Oscar to take p7. 

Wowowo Max Verstappen p1 and Checo p2 

*insert Dutch national anthem* 

And Carlos Sainz p3 

The rest as follows 

Lec 

Nor 

Alo

Rus

Pia

Ham

Tsu

Hul

Str

Bot

Oco

Gas 

Sar

Zho, Ric, and Alb all out. 

Pretty good. Tbh dont remember it all too well. But I'll rate it. 

Overtakes:6/10

Excitement:4/10

Track: 8/10

Overall: 18/30 or 60%

I will put it in B tier 

Let me know what else I should grade on. 

ooh, and I'll also keep track of safety cars and red flags. let me know your Japanese GP highlights.

Thanks for listening to me yap or reading it, I mean.

xoxo, myself

[purplekoop]

Feels like as good a time as any to get Hestia a bit more acquainted with the rest of the cast, so here's interactions between her and the 16 other bots so far! Been a while since the last one, so hope y'all enjoy.

(and these only are gonna get longer, so buckle in)

with Wilderoad: Hestia: "Just like old times, huh Wildy? You and me, back in action together." Wilderoad: (Questioning whistling) Hestia: "Alright, a few things have changed. Like me actually in the action. And the bug." Wilderoad: (Sigh-like whistle)

with Calber: Calber: "We'll take who we can get in this war, but I won't be tolerating any insubordination, understood?" Hestia: "Yeah yeah, I got it. Not interested in causing any more trouble than I have to. Don't think I have it in me at this rate." Calber: "Hmph. I'll be holding you to that then."

with Poppett: Poppett: "Woaaahh, sick ride! Mind if I take him for a spin?" Hestia: "Absolutely not. Nobody's getting on this bug except me." Poppett: "Aww, come on! Can we at least trick him out with some roller blades?" Hestia: "If you don't stop nagging me about this, the only 'ride' he's going to give you is a one-way trip 20 feet into the air... though you might have too much fun with that."

with Nekross: Nekross: "You seek to imitate life. Why not attempt to truly understand it?" Hestia: "I know your shtick, pal. If you touch my bugs, I'm gonna wrap what's left of you in that dusty cape and dump it in the next river I see." Nekross: "You misunderstand the scope of my intentions. I seek far more noble ends than mere violence." Hestia: "I think I've heard that line before. Pardon the skepticism."

with Yanno: Hestia: "Hey so... heavy question, but do you ever wonder what kind of legacy you leave people with? What kind of mark you make on the world?" Yanno: "I've found my passion in giving people something simple but beautiful to remember. Of course, I can't do that if everybody else is gone too, so that's why I'm here." Hestia: "Right... I mean I've got a bad track record of only leaving behind bad memories. Seems like it's always the best outcome to just be forgotten." Yanno: "Never think it's too late to change that. I think you're already on your way to leaving a good legacy here."

with Velenna: Hestia: "Not sure I got the debrief right, but I heard somehow an old friend of yours is causing some of this mess. Care to elaborate?" Velenna: "And I am aware an aimless anarchist like yourself has kept equally destructive company." Hestia: "Aimless, huh? Do you wanna test that claim real quick, doc?" Velenna: "I'd gladly take the chance to test the insecticides I've been working on lately."

with Lyonn: Lyonn: "Pardon me miss, but I can't help thinking you seem familiar. Can't quite place it, but I swear I've seen a bot of your model with a keen interest in insects before! Was it on an entomology paper perhaps?" Hestia: "Oh, yeah uh... I think you're mistaken. Whoever you're thinking of is long gone back at Haven 2." Lyonn: "Oh... my apologies. And condolences." Hestia: "Save it for someone who deserves it."

With Navea: Hestia: "Hey so... Captain, right? No hard feelings about me being on the team considering my uh... prior business?" Navea: "If you are truly willing to put your life on the line to protect others, that is all the proof I need to trust you. In a fight like this, we need to put aside the past and look ahead to keep going." Hestia: "Well, if you say so, we'll be right beside you then ma'am." Navea: "Hah, I'm counting on it!"

with Formann: Hestia: "Gotta be honest, it's nicer than I expected to be part of a team again. After last time... not sure how trusting I was gonna be moving on." Formann: "I've been around a long time, but I ain't had a crew as fine as this one before. We don't all get along smooth, but we get the job done." Hestia: "I'll do my part then making sure we all get it done in one piece then." Formann: "Heh, right there with you partner."

with Harmony: Harmony: "Aww, what a tremendously adorable little creature you are!" Hestia: "I appreciate the flattery miss, but don't you think that's a little forward?" Harmony: "Oh! My apologies, I was referring to your companion." Hestia: "Don't worry, I've been called worse. And better..."

with Xenir: Xenir: "The behavior on your drone here is astounding! How in the world did you make something so advanced?" Hestia: "Don't give me too much credit, a lot of the work was just copying something already out there, I just made some personal adjustments." Xenir: "Hey, don't sell yourself short! Inspiration is the foundation of invention, I'd say." Hestia: "Not a bad way to look at it... might take some inspiration from those turrets of yours then for my next project then."

With Sorsier: Sorsier: "I couldn't help but notice you and your companions are named after ancient myths." Hestia: "Oh yeah, looking into the records of all that stuff was a big interest of mine back in my early years." Sorsier: "I see! Why name yourself 'Hestia' though? Why not 'Hera' to go with 'Heracles'? Or 'Athena' for your wisdom and tactical mind?" Hestia: "I'm not after all that much glory, kid. All I want to be is someone who can bring people together and make them feel safe. A home."

with Otto: Otto: "So I was wondering, is there any chance you could hook me up with one of those little guys? Late night shifts back home can get kinda lonely." Hestia: "I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I don't think I'm ready to take a request like that yet. These guys take a while to get right, and well... I get a little sentimental, y'know?" Otto: "Ahh, alright... but if you change your mind, can I be first in line?" Hestia: "(sigh)... I'll see what I can do."

with Ezela: Ezela: "Wilderoad told me that you have changed quite a lot since they last saw you. Forgive me for imposing, but is it possible you've... how to put it, reinvented yourself?" Hestia: "They said all that? I mean, really it feels more like I've kept running from somebody else's life, stuck with their stupid choices." Ezela: "I... believe I understand, to a degree. Maybe it's time to stop running then and make choices for ourselves?" Hestia: "Maybe. I think I can make time for that when this job's over..."

with Burnett: Burnett: "Say, when this job is over, you think you wanna roll with my crew? Gotta admit you're the only engineer I can stand working with as much as Xenny." Hestia: "Oh, well... I mean I'm honored to get the invite, but I think I'm finally on my way to starting my own crew. Aside from the bugs, I mean." Burnett: "What, you're gonna start stealing our gigs then? And to think I almost found somebody else doesn't grind my gears out here." Hestia: "Hey, I didn't mean it like that! If your guys need a hand, I can keep in touch."

with Arber: Hestia: "So you're from Haven 2, right kid? That's gotta be... rough to deal with right now, huh." Arber: "I am. It's been hard to leave home knowing how I left it. Everybody who's... gone." Hestia: "Trust me, I get it. But at least now we don't have to move on alone. I got my bugs, you got your... arrangement, and we have the rest of the team. We'll make it through." Arber: "Right. and I'll do my best to be there for all of you, too."

And that's another batch done! Hopefully the next one will be sooner, either with the next new character or update to an old one. Yanno's well overdue for both a redesign and finishing his backstory, but both are gonna be a doozy. I also need to draw out Hestia's other two companions, especially since these lines were written with all three in mind and thus don't reference Heracles specifically.

[autisticlalna]

okay. so. i need you guys to bear with me here. also like all of this is speedcore so while i personally don't consider these "as intense" as the typical examples of the genre it might still be overwhelming for people that don't vibe with it. anyway--

here is some history: the album Wanderlust by The Quick Brown Fox is one of my favorite albums of all time. it's very much because of nostalgia reasons, but it's just- okay, i can't get into it, it'll make this post longer than it's already gonna be. but there's two relevant tracks here: the title track Wanderlust, and the track Just Hesitation.

Wanderlust is the title track, and kinda embodies this specific era of TQBF in general. (fun fact: i nearly was in the chorus for this, but i wasn't able to record myself singing at the time. I'm filled with wanderlust / my dreams are running circles / I want to wake up smiling) asides from the choir, basically all the vocals in it are synthesized, including using a Speak N' Spell that in the fandom got kinda headcanoned as TQBF-the-character's voice. (Now spell: You are someone, warm, beauty, terror, sugar, danger.)

Just Hesitation, meanwhile, is centered around a sample from The Island by Pendulum. specifically it hones in on the line "What are you waiting for?". (What are you waiting for? / As you drag me down / What are you waiting for?) it's the final track that closes out the album, it's... it's good.

Just Hesitation is also one of the songs that gets remixed by other Lapfox aliases a few times. it in itself is a rework/sequel to the song No Hesitation off the album before Wanderlust! the Jackal Queenston Remix is pretty good, honestly, and smooths out the speedcore-ness a bit for a more low-key experience. if you wanna just Hear The Song i'd recommend listening to this version.

specifically, though, i want to call attention to a certain remix from 5 years later.

Just Hesitation (HES3 Edit) is... i think currently the most recent version? it takes after the Jackal Queenston Remix a lot, while bringing back the energy of the original. it also has the chorus from Wanderlust. (I'm filled with wanderlust / What are you waiting for? / My dreams are running circles / What are you waiting for? I want to wake up smiling) and then finally closes out with the return of the Speak N' Spell from Wanderlust (That is right. You are correct.) and one last repeat of "What are you waiting for?"

...and then "For, as in: For someone."

I. OKAY. THIS IS THE PART I CANNOT EXPLAIN MY EMOTIONS ON VERY WELL. but the integration of Wanderlust's chorus and then the clarification of the repeated question in every version of Just Hesitation is... it's something i think about a lot. i have already done A (Less Coherent) Version Of This Infodump to some friends because when i start talking about lapfox i always end up drifting back to Just Hesitation and its evolution

anyway, the reason why i'm dumping all of this info on here instead of on my main is because i think Just Hesitation (HES3 Edit) is a Navigator song. something about the blend of Wanderlust into it and that final post-script. i want to wake up smiling. that is right, you are correct. what are you waiting for? for, as in: for someone.

[whentherewerebicycles]

okay. i promised myself i would do some long reflective journaling to sort through some Big Feelings and I keep kicking the can down the road because idk sometimes you don't want to sort through the Big Feelings in case you don't like what you find there. but I have a morning of uninterrupted time and I am in a good headspace and I think I will just write through some stuff under the cut.

it sure looks like i might be having a baby next summer, which means that things are moving out of the hypothetical realm and into the realm of being Very Real. so i am experiencing the expected levels of "oh shit oh shit oh shit i am about to be responsible for a living being???" that i imagine all prospective parents experience. more than that, though, i think i am having to confront the reality of single parenthood in a more emotional way than i was expecting! and this is partly because it might be about to become real for me, but also because some people i love very much who are very close to me are pregnant now too, and i am watching them live an experience of pregnancy that is very different from the one i've had thus far and much closer to the socially "normal" path. and i think that is surfacing some unexamined and semi-unexpected feelings of grief/loss for me as well as a complicated mix of horrible bridge troll jealousy feelings. i want to write through some of that so i can get a better handle on what i'm feeling instead of letting the big emotions unexpectedly avalanche over me at random times.

let me think first about my own experience of getting pregnant.

I'm glad I am pregnant and I am extra, extra grateful that things are going well thus far after experiencing a pregnancy loss this summer that kind of turned me inside out for a while. I also know that despite how excruciatingly drawn-out this process has felt, I was able to get pregnant a lot faster/easier than many people are and I don't take that for granted. but man oh man I think getting pregnant via assisted reproduction can really fuck with your head and heart in ways I wasn't anticipating when I started this process a little over a year ago. everything is so intensely medicalized. my life has just been going to appointments and getting ultrasounds and having blood drawn and giving myself hormone shots and undergoing painful medical procedures and healing from an emergency surgery and reading medical journals and swallowing pills and recording symptoms in a tracking journal. I don't feel like I've spent this year preparing for and then actively trying to conceive a child; i feel like I've spent this year receiving intensive treatment for a medical condition (not being pregnant) that requires obsessive anxious monitoring and might be rooted in some deeper flaw or failing in my body. almost no part of this experience has felt private, intimate, precious, spontaneous, joyful, sacred, sexy, or fun in any way. it's all felt mediated by doctors and by an incredibly expensive industry that jacks up the prices knowing most people going this route don't have an alternative (because they're gay or they're single or they have medical conditions that impact their ability to conceive naturally). and the ectopic pregnancy just like intensified and heightened all of that, because all of a sudden i DID have a life-threatening medical condition and all that obsessive monitoring WAS justified and my body HAD fucked up, and everyone afterwards spent a lot of time warning me i'd need to subject myself to even closer monitoring next time because i was at increased risk of it happening again.

idk man it's just been a lot!!!!!! and i think that even though early on I was like "i'm going to try to carve out some part of this experience that can be just mine, separate from the medical aspects of assisted conception," i just kind of failed at doing that. i don't think it's my "fault" or whatever, because idk, there's a lot of cultural pressure to medicalize and pathologize and turn our bodies over to doctors or whatever, and it's hard to swim against the current, especially when you are stressed and spending a lot of money and willing to do whatever an expert tells you to do if it'll get you the thing you want so badly. so i don't blame myself but i also have to acknowledge that i haven't had a very positive experience of trying to get pregnant and i think that the single precious, sacred moment of this whole entire year was when that very kind very gruff tech let me watch the heartbeat on the ultrasound right before the surgery and then went to get warm blankets from the dryer to wrap me in. and maybe also the night that my mom and i had the little burial in the woods. that was it, those were the only sacred moments, and they were moments of deep and wrenching grief, not of joy. even finding out i was pregnant again only a few months after the loss wasn't really a moment of uncomplicated joy, because i was so immediately consumed by anxiety and so instantly sucked back into the vortex of endless medical monitoring. so idk i think i have some unresolved grief around the experience of trying to conceive/early pregnancy i got compared to the one i might've hoped for.

when i found out my SIL was pregnant, in the immediate aftermath of my own loss and on the same timeline i would've been on, i just spent a long time feeling like the most horrible bridge troll version of myself i could possibly imagine. i was just eaten up inside with jealousy and it wasn't just that she was having a joyful, healthy, uncomplicated experience of pregnancy while i was healing from a very raw and painful loss. it was also this feeling that like, she was supposed to be pregnant, she was expected to be pregnant, and the whole world was smiling joyfully upon her pregnancy, and everything was unfolding smoothly for her in ways that it hadn't for me. they're young, they're married, they own a house, they have two good incomes and will easily be able to support a family, she's thin and blond and very pretty, and (while i don't know this for sure) it seemed like they got pregnant for free on almost the first attempt, on the exact schedule they'd decided they wanted to have their first baby. and idk just watching my parents excitedly prepare for their first grandkid and make all these plans for how they'd be involved and coming out to tour fancy daycares with them just sucked! you can be so happy and excited for someone you love and also you can feel like the bitterest, ugliest, most horrid little bridge troll inside. i just felt like, i'm going it alone, i'm older and i have fertility issues that might make it impossible for me to do this, i make less money, i'll never own a house, i don't have a partner, blah blah blah, and even though most of those things are choices i've made about the type of life i want to live, it just felt like... idk. i was just eaten up inside by jealousy!!!! like i know nothing about their experience of trying to conceive or what her experience of pregnancy has been like so far, but my ugly inner troll voice was like, why was it so easy for them and hard for me, why did i have to pour $15,000+ into this process, why did they get to have fun joyful let's-create-a-future-together sex while i had to go to a doctor every other week to get stuck with needles and prodded with ultrasound wands and have an insanely painful cramp-inducing dye injected into my fallopian tubes, and why, WHY did our babies conceived at almost exactly the same time have such different fates.

i mean the answer is just like, this is the world we live in! this is the reality of being a queer person and an unpartnered person who wants a family! these are the life choices we make! this is the randomness of conception outcomes and a healthy dose of plain bad luck! but it was hard (and is hard) to not internalize the differences as like, something is Wrong With Me and something is Right With Them. and i think on the most basic level i was just jealous of their shared joy, and was feeling the ache of, i'm in this by myself, i have to weather this loss by myself, i am the only person who cares about this as deeply as i do. and of course that wasn't wholly true, of course i had my mom and my sister and my closest friends who grieved with me and took such good care of me, but idk. i think it stirred up some feelings about being unpartnered for me that i hadn't really examined all that closely before.

and i think... like... i think that is probably the other big piece that i am going to have to spend time grappling with, maybe for a long time, maybe for the rest of my life! with my students, we often talk about the idea of animating questions, like the big preoccupations you find yourself wrestling with again and again, these questions that won't ever be resolved because they don't have a simple or straightforward answer. they are questions you don't ever answer once and for all, but wrestling with them over the years is what gives shape and meaning to your life as a person on a quest for purpose, for clarity, for deeper understanding. i am carving out a life path for myself that looks different from most of the people around me and i think that sometimes i really really wrestle with the question of, like, does this path represent a failure or a choice? and if i have chosen this path have i made that choice out of cowardice or from a place of strength?

i still have to untangle what i mean here or what i feel around this, but i think like... i don't know... i don't really crave partnership, i don't feel its absence in my adult life, i have cared deeply about past romantic partners as people but i have always felt immensely relieved when relationships end because i get my own space & life back, and i feel like almost all of my human emotional needs for connection are met through my friendships and my work. i like sex and i like the idea of a live-in best friend but i also feel pretty sure that modern dating on the apps is not the avenue through which i would find that person and i don't really know of other ways to go about building relationships like that at this stage in my life. but idk man the cultural PRESSURE you feel to do the expected life path thing is immense!!!! and i think that while most of the time i'm able to set that pressure aside and just live my life, the decision to have a child on my own suddenly reignites all of those uncertainties and some of that shame around like, why isn't this a thing i want, does it mean i am emotionally stunted in some way, will it impact my ability to parent well, blah blah blah.

i suspect i will spend a LOT of time in this next chapter of my life trying to untangle those feelings, so i am not going to put too much pressure on it now!! i just want to begin naming them so they aren't just like, swirling around in the back of my mind seeping into everything. i think what i can say definitively right now is this:

i have never felt a strong impulse towards or yearning for romantic partnership, and thinking about dating mostly just makes me feel tired and like i would be doing it for other people, not for myself. if i really think about it, i can imagine myself in a shared partnership with someone who shares my interests and values and sense of humor, but i truly can't imagine getting there through hinge or bumble or whatever. maybe that is where the sense of tiredness comes from when i think about dating, lol.

that said... i HAVE, for a very long time, felt a very strong impulse towards becoming a parent. i feel nervous about this (money! time! blowing up your life! being responsible for a small person!) but i feel no ambivalence towards it, you know? i want to be a parent and i think i'll be good at being a parent (i mean i am sure i will also feel like i am a Very Bad Parent for much of the time as that seems to be a feature of parenting, but on the whole i feel confident in my ability to provide the love and stability and structure necessary to raise a reasonably happy, well-adjusted kid). i have never been able to imagine a life where i do not become a parent by some route and i feel a deep, wrenching sadness when i imagine a life where i don't raise a family.

i think the sense of total clarity and joy i feel around the choice to parent vs. the profound ambivalence i feel around the idea of dating signals something important! but it is just challenging, you know, to carve out a life for yourself that goes a little or a lot against the grain of what other people's lives look like and what people think would make you happy. i know i am very VERY lucky that over the past five-ish years my parents have gone from being extremely skeptical or worried about my life path to 10000000% supportive and on board and ready to help me make it work. but i also just think i gotta wrestle with the cultural demons in my own head/heart you know!! i am going to have to work hard to get to the point where i feel really secure in my choices!! i know that the horrid bridge troll feelings about other people conceiving easily in the context of happy marriages are normal and okay to feel - it's just human to wish that your own journey was easier, simpler, cheaper, less painful. but i also think that, as liz says all the time, security (in yourself and in your choices) is a gift you give to yourself and everyone around you. i might not be there yet, but i want to work hard to get to a point where i am so secure in the choices i have made that i can experience other people's experiences and choices as simply theirs, not as a reflection or a shaming judgment on mine. i want to be able to say, i am so happy for you, and i am also so happy for me, because we have both worked hard to create the lives we needed and wanted for ourselves, and now we get to live in them. I want to know with total certainty that I, not other people, get to decide what my life means.

but also.... i want to think of this journey not just in terms of Struggling to Make Peace With My Choices but also in terms of like... sometimes taking a different path can produce unexpected joys that people on the regular path won't get to experience. for instance, i can already tell that my mom and my sister are going to be incredibly involved in raising my kid, and that my parents are going to feel an extra sense of responsibility to provide my child with a life that is incredibly rich and full of love. so i am going to have a life that is rich in family relationships, maybe richer than it would've been if i was part of a traditional nuclear family unit. i am going to have to learn to depend on and lean on other people in wholly new ways, which will challenge me (a person who tends towards insularity and independence) to really stretch and grow. i am also going to get to have a different experience of parenting in the home! i am going to have to learn to work things out with my kid without another adult there to help mediate conflicts. we are going to have to figure out how to be a good, functioning team because we are going to have to share responsibility differently than in a two-parent household. and i hope that through this experience i also get to meet and talk with other single parents (something tumblr has already allowed me to start doing!), and i get to develop a deeper, richer understanding of alternative family structures and life paths that don't look like other people's.

i want to be honest: there is some real grief there! i have chosen a life that is different than the one i hazily imagined for myself as a younger person... and already that has meant that i've had a very different experience of trying to conceive/being pregnant than the people closest to me, which has sometimes felt very painful and lonely. and i imagine that as i navigate parenting i will have to keep grappling with the grief of like, living in a culture where it's not "normal" to parent alone, where other people will judge the choices i make, and where i will be missing out on some of the joys of shared childraising i see other people around me experiencing. but i don't know i guess i just have faith in my ability to make meaning out of my life, and i think that the grief will be counterbalanced by joys i'm not able to anticipate from this vantage point because i haven't lived them yet.

and also if i stop for a second and think: would i rather not go down this path at all? the answer comes back to me so clearly and so immediately. of course not. i want you so badly, little seahorse. i'm so ready for you to come into my life. i'm ready to shed my old self, my old life, and become somebody wholly new, in a wholly new relationship with a wholly new human being. hey! i love you! come here and be my baby!

[dreamsmearcampaign]

a) I'm gonna preface my points with this. Dream has been overhated for a long time. The grooming jokes are out of line, especially since he has had allegations levied against him, and I think a lot of the hate towards him is due to the very vocal bad apples in his fandom in the early 2020s. (On that note, I do appreciate how he called out the bad actors in the discussion stream).

b) That said, I do think that his response to this controversy was HORRIBLY handled. I don't want to focus on points that have been talked to death again and again, but one thing I haven't seen talked about is how in his initial response stream and his response video, he chose to have himself portrayed as his minecraft character, which I don't get. He's being put on blast right now (primarily) for using incredibly charged language in an insulting way, and he decides the best way to show his point of view is to dress up as "Detective Dream" on stream and to add cinematic shots in his response video. I cannot think of a reason why he chose to do that instead of just keeping the screen black with some text, like he did in other parts of the video.

c) One thing that I can give to Tommy's response video over Dream's (Which to clarify, I've only skimmed Tommy's), is that while I've heard that it's mostly opinion based, it didn't have music. I personally think that adding a backing track to a response video is, while nowhere close to Colleen Ballinger levels of bad ideas, still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. If you're simultaneously defending yourself and accusing others of serious allegations, I think it would be prudent to treat it as seriously as possible, and I think putting muzak behind accusations of child labor is antithetical to that effort.

d) I think that one thing that a lot of people are forgetting about is that the tweet that sparked all of this wasn't directed towards Tommy, instead being directed at his FANS, which, in my eyes, invalidates the defense that it was him breaking after years and years of concentrated harassment from Tommy, as again, it was aimed at Tommy's fans. Again, in my eyes, if it was truly the result of Tommy harassing him and he couldn't take it anymore, the tweet would be aimed at Tommy specifically. I can't connect the logic of "Tommy made fun of Dream, so it's fair to go after his fans" in my head.

e) Least consequential point, but I'm thirsty for context. A lot of people have been saying that Tommy has been clickbaiting Dream, and that argument doesn't make sense to me. I can't speak for the SUIT podcast, but on Tommy's main channel, Dream has been either in the title or thumbnail five times by my count since January 15, 2023, which doesn't seem like that much in comparison to his upload frequency. Those videos being "Dream", "Was The Dream SMP Bad?", "We Recorded Our Dreams...", "If YouTubers Were Honest...", and "Goodbye, Dream SMP.". Of those videos, "Dream" is in response to the current controversy, "Was the Dream SMP Bad?" discusses the SMP in general (which Dream explicitly states in his response video, "The Dream SMP was made what it was by everyone" (4:00)), though it does have Dream in the thumbnail, "We Recorded Our Dreams..." is in reference to what happens during sleep, though still added due to the word choice, "If YouTubers Were Honest...", which has Dream in the thumbnail, and "Goodbye, Dream SMP.", which is again about the DSMP in general, though this occurrence doesn't have Dream in the thumbnail. To restate a point that might have been lost in the wall of text (btw sorry about all the text), that isn't a lot compared to the amount of videos uploaded during that time. However, IIRC, Dream did mention during the discussion stream that the older videos with him imply that the two of them are still friends, though with the dates the videos were posted clearly available, as well as how widespread this got in the mcyt space, I don't think that's a good point, though I can see the logic that idea spawned from.

f) Again, sorry for the wall of text.

a. we agree

b. we agree it was handled irresponsibly. as for the minecraft character, dream does not stream with his face ever. it is fine to disagree with that choice, but that's his choice to make.

c. in our opinion, if music choice matters more than the subject matter, the person is already far beyond asking them to treat dream in a rational manner.

d. yes, it was directed toward his fans. the fans (who were antis as well) that encouraged the pedo jokes. the fans (who were antis as well) who sent death threats and rape threats to dream fans. the fans (who were antis as well) who doxxed Dream's address.

it was a terrible response to them, but since tommy had dream blocked and would not be able to hear dream if he said "please stop encouraging harassment toward my community," we, the mods, don't know how he could have discussed that better with tommy (we already have seen how people treat him if he tries to ask them to stop harassing him).

e. mentioned in the podcast, mentioned in the qsmp/usmp video, livestream with tubbo reacting to Sapnap,

the reason dream pointed out the videos left up on his channel were because it looks performative to say "I hate this person" while profiting off his name. that may not be the case, but many have to admit that's a valid interpretation.

for an outside example, after the iskall situation, many hermits removed iskall from previous thumbnails and titles so his name wouldn't be featured on their channels.

we appreciate your comments. they are well-put and genuinely reflective.

-mod b

[pqrachel]

This year's steam replay. I played a bunch of indie games, not shown is Balatro at 6%, Neon White 4%, Cult of the Lamb, Parking Garage Rally Circuit, and Animal Well at 2%.

-

And that also means it's time to pick my personal Game of the Year.

The games I'm considering are Animal Well, Balatro, Parking Garage Rally Circuit, Pseudoregalia, and Rivals of Aether II.

-Animal Well is a fantastic game that was just full of secrets that completely hooked me. I have ~18 hours played in the two or three weeks I played it. It had so much ability to skip around and do things and discover secrets at my own pace. The ARG second layer stuff was definitely fun at first but I wanted to see everything and that really wasn't possible. So it kind of ended on a weird note despite being so good while playing it. I wanted to try speedrunning it but never got around to it.

-Balatro is such a neat little game. It does what it does so perfectly. I'm up to 72 hours because I just keep coming back to it. I've basically finished the in-game collection and it's just so cool. And the indie cameos with the Friends of Jimbo updates are nice bonuses. And there's also supposed to be a big gameplay update sometime in 2025, so I might eventually end up hitting 100 hours at some point.

-PGRC is another example of a smaller game that does its thing really well. It makes you feel so fast playing it and it takes just enough control away from you to feel fun. Like it's not easy to go as fast as that game lets you. I tried speedrunning the individual levels a little bit, I made it to 23 hours of playtime before I got distracted by some other games. I still plan to come back once the Europe tracks are added, the game's super fun.

-Pseudoregalia is another speedrun game. I got super into it, I have 110 hours in and even had some early world records after a big movement update happened. I wish it were a bigger game and I wish the OB stuff wasn't as weird and I wish the combat wasn't just awful, but the movement dude OMG the movement! I seriously got hooked. I doubt I'll go back to it cause I just played SO much but it was insanely fun. ...and yeah it didn't release in 2024 but that hasn't stopped me before. All my playtime was in 2024 and there was a huge update that reset the community a bit so it also felt new while I was playing, cause I was in the speedrunning discord helping make new routes and it felt cool. There was even a small chance we were gonna do a GDQ race too, but that fell apart. If it got accepted though I'd probably have another 100 hours and it could have been an amazing time, but it kinda fell off for me personally after the race got rejected idk.

-And Rivals of Aether II. It came out so late in the year. Yeah I have a bunch of playtime in the early beta and the prerelease demo (16 hours) on top of my 74 hours of the actual game. It's the first directly competitive game I've ever played and it's been a weird experience. Like I'm fine competing against myself in speedruns, but being head-to-head with someone is exciting and stressful and just fun. I'm entering (and getting destroyed) in online tournaments. And the game has so much funding and there's a lot of the Rivals 1 cast left to be added as well as new characters. But the game is just not fun casually and that sucks. Like Smash Ultimate had a bunch of single player game modes that I got lost in on top of being fun to play at parties and with friends. Rivals feels like it's only fun if you get good at it. And when I get matched with an opponent that's better than me I'm constantly reminded just how not there I am. And that's especially true whenever I pick up a character other than my main (Maypul) it just feels like I'm starting over, so I don't even know if I'll enjoy the new characters once they're added. But I do think most if not all of those negatives would go away if I had a friend to play locally with but I just don't.

-

So yeah tough decision to make. I've definitely had a lot of playtime this year. But let's start narrowing it down...

I think Rivals of Aether II is out, not because it's not good, but because it's not finished. As long as it keeps to its perspective schedule it's gonna still be in the running for 2025, since it came out so late this year, and there's so much planned for next year.

While Pseudoregalia is a "better" speedgame, I just had more fun with PGRC even in the quarter of the playtime I had. The dev's cool too, he follows so much of the community and takes input and really wants to make his games better. Please go check out PGRC if you haven't.

Animal Well was fun but the way I played it initially, there's like no replay value. I don't want to start over, I don't want to speedrun, and honestly I don't want to go through the deep effort that seeing more secrets would require. But maybe that's just the metroidbraina genre, once you know the secrets what's really the point in playing it again. (I should finish Outer Wilds tho lol)

And I guess that leaves Balatro or PGRC. And when you put it that way it's clearly Balatro. After taking out RoA2 comparing any one of the other 3 to Balatro, just shows how much Balatro comes out on top for me. It's more fun, more addicting, more rewarding, has fun challenges, is incredibly replayable, and it's just an all-around good indie game. I'm 70+ hours in and I still constantly want to go back for more and I don't see that stopping anytime soon, especially with the 2025 content / gameplay update. Like maybe it'll change once I get to gold sticker grinding but even that could be fun in its own way. So yeah an amazing game that really deserves GOTY!

-

Balatro = Rachel's 2024 Game of the Year!!!

[f1-stuff]

for the wip asks: the mechanic au 👀 there is no where near enough mechanic aus and a charlos one sounds INCREDIBLE.

(P.S. i actually love ur blog. you always make me laugh 🫶)

🥹 Aw, I'm glad!! Thank you for sending an ask! This was actually one of my first F1 WIPs, but it was requiring sooo much research that I took a break that turned into a complete abandonment. But hopefully, I'll go back to it one day!

Here's a little snippet I wrote for Charles' first day in the paddock 💪

The only word his brain has the capacity for after the first day is tired. 

The minute they land in Melbourne, they’re heading to the track to begin setting up the garage for the arrival of the cars. Charles gets issued a full team kit, including socks with the Ferrari logo. As soon as he puts them on, he finally feels like it’s real. It’s really happening.

“You’re, Charles, yes?” one of the mechanics asks him in Italian while they’re setting up. “From Monte Carlo?”

He nods. “Yes, nice to meet you...”

“Alessandro. But you can call me, Alé. I believe we’re roommates.”

“Nice to meet you, Alé,” Charles says, shaking his hand. The other man seems young, but still older than Charles. “What do you do?”

“I’m a gearbox mechanic,” Alé says, smiling. “And I operate the front-right gun for the pit. My first race was Melbourne in 2017. So I know what you’re feeling right now.”

“And what am I feeling?” Charles asks, arching a brow in challenge.

“Scared as shit,” Alé says, grinning. Charles laughs, but he doesn’t have the heart to correct him. He’s not scared - if anything, he’s the most ready he’s ever felt. But he doesn’t think anyone would believe him if he said so. “Your Italian is not bad.” 

Charles knows this means it’s quite good, otherwise Alé wouldn’t have said anything. “I’ve been learning since I was a child.” Alé nods.

“Is it ‘Sharl’ or ‘Charles’?” Alé asks, pronouncing it with and without the ‘s’ sound at the end.

“Either is okay,” he says, shrugging. “I like both.”

“Well, you’re very easygoing,” Alé says, chuckling. “Very polite.” Charles smiles, but it occurs to him that maybe he’s being made fun of. He brushes it off though, focusing back on what he’s doing.

Everything, of course, becomes even more real when the cars arrive and he has to begin his real work. He’s been assigned especially to the brake department, as they’ve started to see a brake overheating issue and needed someone dedicated to monitoring them and replacing parts if necessary. 

He records the thickness of all of the brake pads and discs, so he can later examine the wear after practice and qualifying sessions. It’s a clockwise circuit, so Charles in addition to putting the slightly denser brake pads at the front of both cars, installs the heaviest at the left-front brake. They’re meant to all be the same size, but there are always slightly heavier pads and discs.

In addition to this job, he’s also part of the car crew for what will this year be Carlos Sainz’s car. He knows a bit about Sainz - he’s had a successful few seasons in Formula One already, particularly last year where he’d raced surprisingly well in the sub-par McLaren car. It was what had won him his seat, replacing Sebastian Vettel in what had been a slightly shocking decision to Charles. He’s not the only one interested in what Sainz might be able to pull off in a Ferrari.

As soon as the car is built, they’re doing pit-stop practice until late into the evening. There isn’t a curfew for Thursday, so they take advantage of every moment of time available. Charles has been assigned to the left-rear corner, where he removes the old tire from the car when it pits. 

There’s definitely a learning curve, and the tires are heavier than most people think. He’ll need to step up his workout routine if he wants to keep up with the other mechanics. On top of the sore arms he’ll surely have tomorrow, his feet are killing him after hardly sitting down since disembarking the plane. 

At one point, he takes off his shoes and walks around in just his Ferrari-issued socks, the floor feeling blessedly cool on his aching feet. However, he soon has to put his shoes back on or risk injury, which is when he discovers that he should never take off his shoes again because putting them back on is its own hell.

When he gets to the hotel room that night, he hardly says a word to Alé, who is indeed his roommate, instead collapsing face-first onto the bed, still fully clothed. He doesn’t remember closing his eyes, and he’s not aware of anything until the alarm goes off the next morning. That, of course, is when the real fun begins.