#Wished I used a more textured brush because her Lineart looks a bit too smooth when compared to Qiu & Tamarack

[srenorsomethin9]

I drew my OLNF OC & edited her in some Screenshots from the game

Here's a larger version if you wanna see her not shrunk:

[pandemellia]

Fuck Hope

This is basically me being mad at myself for still having some feelings for my ex, missing him, and deep down still hoping that he'd regret breaking up with me. I hate how even after almost a year when he's clearly happy with someone else, I still wake up every day wishing things were back to what they were before. Hope really is a double-edged sword.

As established before, Eufrene (the one in yellow) symbolizes my hope and generally optimistic side More about her here: www.deviantart.com/pandemellia…

And Antera (the one showing Eufrene the middle fingers XD) symbolizes my anger, heartbreak, and sadness.

More about Antera here: www.deviantart.com/pandemellia…

Because of my contradicting emotions about how I feel about my ex, they don't get along well right now. XD Eufrene miraculously still tries to see the good in him and desperately wishes he'd come back. She's the part of me that romanticizes the good times I had with him and still clings to the illusion he created of being a kind-hearted person. However, Antera knows that holding on to hope is only causing her (me) to feel more heartbreak. Also, Antera's that part of me that'll seemingly forever hold resentment and anger for my ex cheating on me and leaving me for someone else. Her ability to hold a grudge is no joke.

Think about this dynamic like the characters in Inside Out.

God, this sounds so cringe when I write it out, but it just makes perfect sense in my head!

I tried making this kinda funny by basing this off that meme with someone giving the middle finger to a crying cat, but I don't know that joke lands lol. It was hilarious in my mind until I drew it.

Here's the image: knowyourmeme.com/photos/138454…

As for the process of creating this, this drawing was me experimenting with trying a different style again. I tried using a charcoal brush for lineart/shading in Photoshop instead of the usual round hard pressure brush I use and drew the lineart with slightly thicker lines this time. I was going for this rugged, dark look, but it just ended up looking wrong to me. Lowering the lineart's opacity saved it a bit. This is disappointing because I see other artists draw with even thicker lineart and it looks good when they do it XD 

Right now, I don't know if I should keep using textured brushes, or go back to my smooth lines. I don't think using a charcoal brush worked as well in this image because of the thicker lines, but it did work for my Dr. Two-Brains drawing.

Probably because the lineart was thin. On the other hand, drawing and shading with the hard-pressure brush is just so satisfying, but I feel like I could achieve a darker art style if I use textured brushes.

Speaking of brushes, I used these embroidery brushes (by NadinePau-stock) for Antera's sheer sleeves to make them look like lace. You can barely see it because she's mostly in the dark foreground, but I still think it was a nice touch. c:

Drawing this was also a challenge too. It's rare that I draw multiple characters where not only do I have to draw them from different angles, but also in different spaces relative to each other. I really tried my best with using references and all, so I hope I got the perspective right.

Another challenge was trying to shade in different textures. I used the same brush for everything, but I redesigned Eufrene a bit. She's one of those baby dolls that have a plastic/rubber head, and a plush body, (like this one: www.ebay.com/itm/233705053614) which is why her neck looks weird. XD But hey, that's what the references on this type of doll showed me.

So I started off cell-shading her face and used soft shading on the rest of her body, but halfway through rendering, the filters, and other shadow layers I added to the characters....overshadowed that.

I know she looks cuter when I first drew her, but I wanted her design to reflect my deteriorating mental health, so I tried to make her look weirder and creepier looking. Especially with her face, I wanted to exaggerate that chubby face that these baby dolls have. I'd like to think that her first image portrays her (me) in a slightly better mental state (not like I was better at the time of that drawing lol) and that my OCs start to look better as I heal.

And my OCs look weird and cursed as fuck in general because I want to go out of my comfort zone, and create a horror/ gloomy-like art style.

I have more OCs, and I'm gonna try to make them look just as cursed as these two XD.

And then there's the usual challenge of drawing different emotions other than having characters smile all of the time. I think I did okay this time.

Overall, I'm on a roll with this because it hasn't even been a week since I drew Dr. Two-Brains, yet I still finished this. That is extremely rare, and I really hope my energy doesn't run out. I think this was mostly because I drew this during my days off from work, but I actually did something instead of just rotting in bed and scrolling through social media all day. I still feel depressed and heartbroken, but drawing things like this helps me out a little. Every time I finish a drawing; I feel so accomplished like I'm getting my shit together X'D

Unfortunately, I have to do a lot more than just drawing if I actually wanna get my shit together, but it's a start.