#William “Billy” Benedict

[seanpultz]

The Bowery Boys in The Haunted Mansion

As the Bowery Boys, led by the ever-confident Slip Mahoney, approached the imposing Gracey Mansion, the late afternoon sun cast long, eerie shadows over the sprawling lawn. The mansion loomed before them, its Gothic Revival Pointed-style architecture a stark contrast to the humble streets of New York they were used to. The intricate carvings and pointed arches reminded them of the grand designs of the Joel Rathbone mansion they had heard tales of back in the city. "Look at this dump," Slip quipped, trying to lighten the mood. "It's got more gables than a gossip's almanac!"

Sach, his eyes wide with wonder, looked up at the towering edifice. "Wow, Slip, it's like a giant gingerbread house," he exclaimed, his voice filled with a mix of awe and fear. Bobby, the youngest, clutched his hat tightly to his chest, his excitement barely containing the tremble in his voice. "Do you think it's really haunted?"

Whitey, ever the nervous one, swallowed hard. "Guys, I don't know about this. Maybe we should just… you know, leave the ghosts to the Ghostbusters." He glanced around, his eyes darting as if expecting a spectral apparition to appear at any moment.

Chuck, arms folded and a smirk playing on his lips, patted Whitey's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry, Whitey. If there's anything spooky in there, I'll take care of it," he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt.

"And what if it's a ghost?" Whitey retorted. "You can't sock a ghost, Chuck!"

Slip stepped forward, placing a hand on the ornate gate. "Don't worry, fellas. If the worst comes to the worst, we've got each other's backs, right?"

The group exchanged hesitant nods, their bravado slightly wavering in the face of the unknown. With a collective deep breath, they pushed open the creaking gate and began their cautious journey up the winding path to the mansion's entrance, the laughter of their earlier banter replaced by the solemn echo of their footsteps on the cobblestone. Little did they know, their adventure was just beginning, and the Haunted Mansion had quite the surprises in store for them.

"Look at this place, it's a regular graveyard smack in the middle of the park," Slip said, eyeing the overgrown plants and tilted birdbath with a mix of amusement and unease.

"Yeah, and that carriage," Sach pointed out, his voice hushed, "It's like it's waiting for a ghost to hop in and say 'Step on it!'"

"It's probably just for decoration," Bobby said, trying to reassure his friends, "You know, for the spooky atmosphere."

Whitey couldn't help but glance over his shoulder. "Decoration or not, I don't like the look of it," he murmured, his eyes following the path of the invisible horse's reins.

Chuck rolled his eyes. "You guys are letting your imaginations run wild. It's just a ride, remember?"

Slip grinned, his mood lifting at the sight of the dilapidated fountain. "Alright, let's get a move on before we miss our appointment with the other side!"

The group shuffled along the cobblestone path, the tension in the air palpable despite their attempts to keep the mood light.

As they approached the gate, the Bowery Boys couldn't help but notice the busts of a peculiar family, each with an expression of horror frozen on their faces. "Look at these mugs," Slip whispered, nudging Sach, "They look like they saw a ghost!" Suddenly, the embossed musical instruments on the crypt of Captain Culpepper Clyne began to play a mournful tune, the notes floating eerily through the air. Bobby's eyes widened. "Guys, I think that's supposed to be a warning!"

Whitey's knees wobbled. "See, I told you this place is haunted!"

But Slip was intrigued. He stepped closer to the tomb of Prudence Pock, the poetess, and read the words that materialized before them. "A penny for your thoughts, a dollar for your silence," he recited, raising an eyebrow.

The crypt lid opened with a groan, revealing a fountain that began to spew water and bubbles. "Looks like someone's home," Chuck quipped, trying to keep the fear at bay.

Ignoring the chilling melody and the unsettling visuals, the group pressed onward, reaching the servant's entrance. With a final exchange of nervous glances, they stepped into the shadowy mansion, ready to confront whatever secrets lay within.

As they stepped into the foyer, the chilling notes of the pipe organ's "Grim Grinning Ghosts" grew louder, setting an eerie tone for their exploration. The once elegant space was now sparse, the grandeur of its past only hinted at by the faded wallpaper and dusty chandelier above. To their left, a portrait of a dashing young man, presumably the mansion's former owner, hung solemnly above the cold, unlit fireplace. The painting's eyes seemed to follow them as they moved, a shiver running down Whitey's spine.

"Looks like the party's been over for a while," Slip said, trying to shrug off the disquieting atmosphere. He approached the portrait and tapped the frame with a knuckle. "I bet this guy had some stories to tell," he mused.

Sach squinted at the painting. "Maybe he's the ghost that's been scaring folks?"

Whitey's eyes darted around the room. "I don't know about you guys, but I've had enough of ghost stories. Let's find a way out of here before we become part of the decor!"

Chuck chuckled, crossing his arms. "You're not scared of a little music and some dusty old paintings, are you?"

Bobby moved closer to the portrait, his curiosity piqued. "Do you think he's still here, watching over the place?"

"I wouldn't bet on it," Slip said, turning to face the others. "But if he is, I'm sure he's bored to death. Let's liven things up a bit, shall we?"

The Bowery Boys cautiously proceeded into the mansion, the haunting melody a constant reminder that they were not alone in the vast, empty halls.

Suddenly a voice boomed out from the darkness: "When hinges creak in doorless chambers. When strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls. Whenever candlelights flicker when the air is deathly still… That is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror with ghoulish delight."

The portrait of the dashing young man began to distort before their eyes, the handsome features morphing into a grotesque visage of decay. "You guys aren't going to believe this," Slip stammered, his bravado momentarily forgotten. The once-handsome man now had sunken eyes and a gaping, skeletal smile. "This is definitely not part of the usual tour!"

The wall beside the grisly portrait slid open with a dramatic flourish, revealing the octagonal room. The group stumbled in, their eyes drawn to the four portraits adorning the walls, each accompanied by a gargoyle holding a flickering candle. The room pulsed with an unnatural energy, the air thick with anticipation.

"Well, if this isn't a VIP pass to the afterlife, I don't know what is," Slip quipped, trying to regain his composure.

Sach took a tentative step forward. "Look, guys, it's like the pictures are watching us!"

Whitey's eyes darted around nervously. "I don't like this, Slip. It's like we're in a room full of… of… ghost judges!"

Bobbysquared his shoulders. "Let's keep moving. Maybe there's a way out through here."

Chuck nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and maybe we'll find someone to tell us what's going on in this spooky place."

The Bowery Boys cautiously entered the octagonal chamber, their footsteps echoing through the silent mansion. Unbeknownst to them, the ghosts of the mansion were indeed watching, curious about these living intruders who had stumbled upon their eternal abode. The portraits' eyes seemed to follow them, hinting at the secrets they held and the adventure that lay ahead.

"Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion." The voice boomed out. "I am your host, your Ghost Host. Our tour begins here in this gallery. Here, where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state. Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for everyone. There’s no turning back now."

The Bowery Boys stumbled backward as the walls of the octagonal room stretched upwards, the portraits elongating to reveal their morbid finales. Slip gaped at the bearded man in his underwear, poised over the keg of dynamite. "Looks like he's about to have a real blast from the past!" he quipped, trying to mask his unease.

Sach pointed at the lady on the tightrope, his voice cracking with nervous laughter. "Hey, she's got alligator legs!"

Whitey's eyes bulged at the sight of the old woman with the rose. "Oh no, not poor George! What'd he do to deserve that?"

Bobby nudged Chuck. "Looks like that guy in the bowler hat picked the wrong pals for a piggyback ride!"

Their humor was a thin veil over their growing apprehension as the room's atmosphere grew increasingly eerie. The stretching portraits seemed to cackle along with the Ghost Host's sinister narration, the mansion's secrets unfolding before them like a macabre pop-up book.

"This is it, folks," Slip said, swallowing hard, "The real McCoy. Let's not stick around for the grand finale."

Chuck nodded firmly. "You got that right, Slip. Time to find the exit before we're part of the next exhibit."

Whitey, his eyes glued to the stretching walls, whispered, "I think we're already part of the show."

"Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis." The Ghost Host said ominously. "Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination — hmm? And consider this dismaying observation, This chamber has no windows and no doors… which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out!" The Ghost Host unleashed a bone chilling laugh which reverberated throughout the room. The Bowery Boys had all eyes glued to the celling. "Of course, there’s always my way."

The lights flickered and went out, plunging the room into complete darkness. A deafening clap of thunder rattled the windows, and the flash of lightning revealed the skeletal corpse of their host hanging from the rafters. The Bowery Boys' collective gasp was drowned out by the shrill scream that followed, their hearts racing in unison. The sound of shattering bones pierced the silence before the lights abruptly returned, and the terrifying sight had vanished. In its stead, a previously unseen wall slid open, revealing a hidden passage beckoning them into the mansion's depths. "Let's get out of here!" Whitey yelled, his voice cracking with fear. "But remember," Slip said, trying to regain his cool, "we're here to find the way out, not to get spooked by a couple of cheap tricks!" With newfound determination, the group stepped into the passage, ready to face whatever lay ahead, their laughter replaced by the echo of their racing footsteps in the gloom.

"Oh, I didn’t mean to frighten you prematurely," The Ghost Host said apologetically with a slight touch of mirth. "The real chills come later. Now, as they say, “look alive,” and we’ll continue our little tour. And let’s all stay together, please."

Continuing down the shadowy hallway, the Bowery Boys found themselves in a short queue that seemed to lead to an even darker part of the mansion. The air grew colder, and the distant sound of creaking floorboards and faint whispers grew louder. "What's with the line?" Sach asked, his voice shaking slightly. "This place is supposed to be empty, right?"

Whitey nodded, his eyes darting around the dimly lit space. "Yeah, unless we're waiting for the ghost of a butler to serve us some spectral tea?"

"I don't know about you, but I'd rather not wait for the after-life refreshments," Slip said, his attempt at humor failing to hide his own nerves.

Bobby poked his head through an archway, only to pull back quickly. "Guys, I think I see the way out!"

Chuck leaned in to get a better look. "Or it could be the way to the dungeon."

"What's this?" Slip questioned as they approached the Doom Buggies, his curiosity piqued. "Looks like we're getting a ride out of this after all," he quipped, trying to put a positive spin on their situation.

"Yeah, but to where?" Whitey's voice quivered, eyeing the shadowy vehicles warily.

"Don't worry, Whitey," Chuck said, slapping him on the back, "It's all just for the fun of it."

Sach looked around, his eyes landing on the stretching room behind them. "If you say so, Chuck. But I don't know if my stomach can handle any more surprises."

"Just remember, we're in this together," Bobby said, trying to bolster their spirits.

The Ghost Host's disembodied voice filled the space once more. "And now, a carriage approaches to carry you into the boundless realm of the supernatural," he announced, his tone dripping with mystery. "Once on board, remain safely seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And watch your children, please."

The group exchanged looks, the reality of their situation setting in. This wasn't just a mansion tour; it was an immersive experience, and they were about to embark on a journey through the afterlife itself. With a mix of trepidation and excitement, they climbed into the Doom Buggies, ready to face whatever spooky delights the Haunted Mansion had in store for them.

"Do not pull down on the safety bar, please," the Ghost Host's voice echoed around them, sending a shiver down their spines. "I will lower it for you. And heed this warning: the spirits will materialize only if you remain quietly seated at all times." With a metallic clank, the safety bar descended, securing the Bowery Boys in their Doom Buggies. The vehicles jolted to life, gliding smoothly into the inky blackness of the mansion's interior.

"Whoa, hold on!" Slip yelled as the Doom Buggies plunged into the steep stairwell, the floating candelabra casting an eerie glow on their faces. They passed under the landing, and as they did, the candelabra tilted precariously as if to greet them before righting itself with a ghostly flourish. The sudden transition into the hallway was jolting, and they found themselves staring at the four paintings. With each flash of lightning, the images transformed from serene to terrifying, the woman's dress becoming a tiger's fur, the sloop morphing into a ghost ship, the knight's flesh peeling away to reveal bones, and the peaceful scene in the Greek temple turning into a grim tableau with Medusa.

Whitey clutched the safety bar, his knuckles white. "I don't like this, guys," he whimpered. "It's like we're in a funhouse that forgot to take its happy pills."

"Keep it together, Whitey," Chuck said, though his own voice held a tremor. "It's all just part of the act."

Sach leaned forward, his eyes wide. "But what if it's not?"

Bobby spoke up, his voice steady. "Then we're in for the ride of our lives."

Slip grinned, trying to rally his friends. "And remember, we're the Bowery Boys. We've faced down worse than a bunch of painted ghosts!"

"Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please." The Ghost Host continued. "We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights."

The paintings shuddered, and the room grew colder. The Bowery Boys exchanged nervous glances, the laughter dying on their lips as the gravity of their situation sank in. They were about to find out if the Haunted Mansion was all fun and games or if the ghosts within had some genuine surprises in store for them.

Leaving the hallway, the Bowery Boys found themselves in a vast library, the air thick with the scent of aged paper and dust. "Wow, talk about a ghost writer's paradise," Slip quipped, though his voice was not as steady as he'd like it to be. Phantom hands darted out from the shelves, sending a chill down their spines as they plucked books from their resting places, the pages fluttering eerily in the still air. An empty chair in the center of the room rocked back and forth, as if the invisible sitter was deep in contemplation. A ladder slid smoothly across the floor, reaching for books as if guided by an unseen librarian. "Our library is well stocked with priceless first editions, only ghost stories, of course, and marble busts of the greatest ghost writers the literary world has ever known," The Ghost Host announced proudly.

Sach's eyes grew wide as he took in the scene. "Look at all these books," he murmured, his voice filled with a mix of wonder and fear. "I didn't know you could write about ghosts without actually seeing one first!"

Whitey's gaze was glued to the marble busts. "Those guys look like they've got more stories than the Library of Congress," he said, his voice a high-pitched squeak.

"Let's not get too cozy," Chuck warned, his eyes scanning the room. "We're not here to borrow a book."

Bobby nodded in agreement. "We've got to keep moving. Maybe there's a map to the exit in one of these tomes."

As the Doom Buggies rolled into the Music Room, the Bowery Boys couldn't help but gape at the sight before them. An invisible specter played a hauntingly beautiful Rachmaninoff-style melody on the grand piano, the instrument's keys moving as if by unseen hands. The shadow of the ghostly pianist danced across the floorboards, in time with the dramatic crescendos of the tune. The storm outside seemed to match the mood of the room, the lightning casting eerie flashes through the stained-glass windows, illuminating the ghostly scene within.

"Looks like we've got a virtuoso on our hands," Slip quipped, trying to lighten the tension.

Whitey's eyes were glued to the shadow. "I don't think I've ever been this close to a ghost without it trying to scare me!"

"Or us trying to scare it," Sach added with a nervous chuckle.

"They have all retired here, to the Haunted Mansion." Continued The Ghost Host. "Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here. But there’s room for 1,000. Any volunteers?"

Entering the main stairwell, the Bowery Boys' jaws dropped at the sight of the impossible architecture. The stairs twisted and turned in every conceivable direction, a dizzying maze of wood and shadow. "What in the name of the M.C. Escher is this?" Slip exclaimed, his eyes trying to follow the paths that defied gravity. The ghostly footprints, illuminated by the flickering candles, danced up and down the steps, creating an optical illusion that had them questioning their very perception of reality.

"Looks like we're in a ghostly game of Chutes and Ladders," Sach said, his voice shaking slightly.

Whitey clutched the safety bar, his eyes darting from one disorienting step to the next. "I'm not sure I can handle this," he murmured.

Chuck leaned over to Whitey. "You can do it, pal. Just keep your eyes on the prize: the exit."

"But what if we're the prize?" Bobby whispered, his voice barely audible over the mournful organ music that filled the space.

The Ghost Host's voice echoed around them, "Well, if you should decide to join us, final arrangements may be made at the end of the tour."

In the eerie silence that followed the Ghost Host's words, the walls of the stairwell seemed to come alive with the sudden appearance of glowing, blinking eyes, scattered across the patterned wallpaper like a twisted constellation of stars. The Bowery Boys squinted, trying to make sense of the sight before them. "What the…?" Slip began, his voice trailing off as he took in the disconcerting wallpaper.

Whitey's grip on the safety bar tightened. "Slip, tell me that's not real."

"I'm not so sure, Whitey," Slip replied, his voice a mix of amazement and fear. "It's like we're in a room full of peeping Toms from the other side!"

Bobby nudged Sach. "Look, it's like they're watching us!"

Sach leaned in closer to the wall, his curiosity piqued despite the creeping dread. "Maybe they're just wallflowers at the ghost party," he suggested with a forced laugh.

"Wallflowers with a nasty stare," Whitey said, his voice quivering.

Chuck took a deep breath. "Come on, guys, we're in Disney World. Nothing here can hurt us. It's all just for the thrill."

"A charming 'ghostess' will be on hand to take your application," said The Ghost Host. "We find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running chills."

The Doom Buggies glided through the stairwell and into the second floor hallway, where the sound of the Ghost Host's voice grew hushed. "Shhh, listen!" he hissed, and the keening grew louder, sending a shiver down their spines. The hallway stretched on forever, lined with creaking doors that seemed to hold secrets beyond their wildest imaginations. A solitary candelabra floated in the center, casting eerie shadows on the walls that made the armchair and suit of armor seem alive with malicious intent. "Look at that," Slip whispered, pointing at the floating chandelier, "It's like it's leading us to the VIP haunting suite!"

Sach's eyes grew wide as he stared at the suit of armor. "Do you think it's got a ghostly guest inside?"

Whitey leaned in, his voice a tremble. "Or maybe it's just waiting for someone to sit in that chair," he suggested, nodding to the chair that appeared to be watching them with its carved facial features.

Bobby swallowed hard. "Let's just keep moving," he said, his eyes darting from door to door, as if expecting something to jump out at any moment.

Chuck tried to put on a brave face. "It's all just for show, right?" But even he couldn't hide the waver in his voice.

The keening grew more intense, the walls seeming to close in around them. The Bowery Boys clung to each other, their laughter replaced by the tightness in their chests. They had signed up for a thrill, but the line between reality and illusion was blurring, and the mansion's haunts were feeling all too real. As they passed the floating candelabra, the suit of armor took a subtle step forward, its eyes following them, and the chair's "face" twisted into a sinister smile. The air grew colder, and the hairs on the back of their necks stood on end. The mansion was definitely not playing by their rules anymore.

"H-H-Hey, what's that noise?" Whitey stuttered as the keening grew louder, his eyes darting around the shadowy conservatory.

"It's just the wind," Chuck said, trying to sound more confident than he felt.

"Or it's the ghost of Lady Gaga," Slip quipped, trying to ease the tension.

But their laughter was cut short as they approached the center of the room. A coffin, adorned with a dusty funeral wreath, sat in the middle, surrounded by the desolate remains of what once were lush plants. The lid began to rise with a tortured creak, revealing skeletal hands desperately pushing against the wood, the sound of their struggle echoing through the space.

"Let me out! Let me outta here!" The muffled cries sent a chill down their spines, and they watched in horror as the hands continued their futile escape attempt.

"Guys, I think we've seen enough," Bobby said, his voice trembling.

"Yeah," Sach agreed, "I don't think this place is for the faint of heart… or the living, for that matter."

"This way, please," the Ghost Host's voice directed them as their Doom Buggy jolted backward, sending them down a corridor lined with twisted doors. Slip's grin faded as the cacophony of unearthly noises grew louder, the doors seemingly alive with the rage of whatever was trapped within. Sach's eyes widened with terror as the doors bulged and groaned around them. "Is that door breathing?"

Whitey's knuckles turned white on the safety bar.

The others remained silent, too stunned by the macabre scene to speak. The door knockers rattled in time with their racing hearts, the cries and laughter growing more desperate with each passing second.

As they approached the grandfather clock, the ticking grew louder, until the very air seemed to pulse with the madness of time unraveling. The shadow of a clawed hand slithered over the clock face.

The Bowery Boys gulped as their Doom Buggies rolled into the dimly lit Séance Circle. The air grew thick with an otherworldly energy, the scent of incense mingling with the ominous sound of a raven's caw. They stared in amazement at the crystal ball hovering over the table, its misty depths swirling with spectral lights. "Madame Leota's got quite the show going on," Slip murmured, his bravado slightly shaken.

"What's she doing?" Sach asked, his voice trembling.

"Summoning spirits, I think," Bobby whispered, his eyes fixed on the raven perched on the chair's back, watching them with unblinking eyes.

"Yeah, and it looks like she's got the whole band up there," Chuck added, nodding at the instruments floating around the crystal ball.

Whitey's eyes darted around the room. "I don't like this. It's like we're in the middle of a ghost convention!"

The raven cackled, and the table began to shake. The spirit of Madame Leota's head materialized within the crystal ball, her eyes glowing with an eerie light. "The party's just getting started, boys," she said with a mischievous smile.

"Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they’re at! Rap on a table — it’s time to respond. Send us a message from somewhere beyond…Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween, awaken the spirits with your tambourine! Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond, let there be music from regions beyond! Wizards and witches, wherever you dwell, give us a hint, by ringing a bell!"

The group held their breath as the spirits of the mansion responded to her call, their images flickering into existence around the room. The raven cawed again, and the instruments played a haunting tune, the notes resonating in their very souls.

Suddenly The Ghost Host spoke: "The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations and are beginning to materialize. They’re assembling for a swinging wake, and they’ll be expecting me… I’ll see you all a little later."

"Look at them go!" Slip exclaimed, his eyes wide with amazement as the ghostly partygoers danced and played below. The balcony they found themselves on offered a breathtaking view of the grand hall, now alive with the spectral shindig. The birthday ghost's tunes played on, the flickering candles casting a warm glow over the decayed festivities. "It's like we crashed the afterlife's version of a speakeasy!"

"And it's not even my birthday," Sach muttered, watching the ghosts vanish and reappear with each candle's flicker.

Whitey leaned over the railing, his eyes following the old woman's rocking chair. "How does she do that?"

"Magic!" Bobby whispered, his voice filled with a mix of wonder and fear.

Chuck's gaze was drawn to the duelists emerging from their paintings. "It's like they're stuck in a never-ending loop," he said, a hint of awe in his voice.

As the storm outside raged on, the wraiths from the hearse and windows added to the whirlwind of ethereal activity. The organ's melody grew more frantic, the tiny spirits popping out of the pipes like a twisted jack-in-the-box. The Bowery Boys clung to the railing, unsure whether to laugh or run. The Haunted Mansion had transformed from a spooky amusement into a full-blown phantasmagoria, and they were right in the middle of it.

Leaving the Grand Hall, the Bowery Boys were led into a dark and dusty attic, where the air was thick with the scent of decaying memories. The rhythmic thump of a beating heart echoed through the space, punctuated by the chilling notes of "The Wedding March" played on a piano that seemed to have a life of its own. The room was cluttered with forgotten relics of happier times, now twisted into a macabre display of matrimonial madness. Their eyes were drawn to the five wedding portraits adorning the walls, each with the same bride but a different groom, their heads fading away and reappearing as if in a grim game of hide and seek. The sound grew louder, more intense, until it was almost painful to listen to. Then, amidst the cobwebs and shadows, they saw her—Constance, the ghostly bride. Her eyes gleamed with a manic glee as she held a bouquet of flowers, her voice a ghostly whisper as she recited her twisted vows, "I do. … I did!" Each time she spoke, a spectral hatchet would materialize in her hands, only to vanish again with her laughter. The group exchanged horrified glances, their hearts racing in unison with the erratic piano. "Let's get out of here," Chuck murmured, his voice barely audible over the cacophony. As if in answer, the piano's music grew softer, the heartbeat fading away. They spotted an open window, the promise of escape beckoning them. With a collective gasp, they rushed towards it, their Doom Buggies bumping over the uneven floorboards, and plunged into the stormy night beyond, leaving the haunting melody and the madness of Constance's attic behind.

As the Doom Buggies descended the stairs backwards, the Bowery Boys found themselves in the midst of a ghostly graveyard, the storm's fury matching the chaotic scene around them. The raven that had cawed earlier now sat on a tree branch, watching them with a knowing gleam in its eye. "Look, it's like the whole mansion threw a party and forgot to invite the living," Slip quipped, trying to keep the mood light. The caretaker and his dog stood frozen, their expressions a mirror of the group's own terror. The graveyard buzzed with spectral activity, music and laughter floating through the air as ghosts danced and played among the tombstones.

Sach pointed at the phantoms playing instruments. "Hey, they've got their own band!"

Whitey stared at the King and Queen. "They're… they're swinging from a tree branch!"

Bobby noted the Singing Busts, his eyes wide. "Those heads can really belt it out!"

The Beheaded Knight and his companions' song grew louder, the Mummy's desperate attempts to communicate with the deaf spirit eliciting a stifled laugh from Chuck. The scene was a whirlwind of madness and macabre merriment, the line between life and death blurring before their very eyes.

As they approached the Mausoleum, the raven that had accompanied them earlier perched on the door, cawing a greeting that seemed almost mocking.

Then a familiar voice is heard, "Ah, there you are!" It was The Ghost Host. "And just in time… there’s a little matter I forgot to mention."

"Beware of Hitchhiking Ghosts!"

As their Doom Buggies approached the exit of the graveyard, the Bowery Boys spotted three hitchhiking spirits lounging by the side of the path: a dapper Traveler, a cheeky Skeleton, and a mischievous Prisoner, each with a grin that seemed to say 'pick me!' The spirits waved, their spectral forms beckoning the group to take them along for the ride. "They've selected you to fill our quota," the Host continued, his tone playfully sinister, "and they'll haunt you until you return!"

The boys exchanged nervous glances. "What's he talking about, Slip?" Sach asked, his voice quivering.

"I think it's our cue to leave," Slip said, his grin forced.

But as they drove through the archway, the mirrors surrounding them came to life, reflecting not their own faces, but those of the Hitchhiking Ghosts sitting alongside them. The Traveler's top hat sat jauntily on Slip's head, the Skeleton's grin matched Sach's own, Bobby had a noose around his neck, and Chuck and Whitey were sandwiched between the Prisoner's ghostly arms. The ghosts waved merrily, as if they had been there all along, joining in on their unearthly adventure. "Looks like we've got some stowaways," Slip murmured, his attempt at humor not quite reaching his eyes.

As the Bowery Boys' Doom Buggies approached the final stretch of their haunting journey, they saw a tiny, ethereal figure perched atop a crypt. She was no more than a doll in size, yet her presence was palpable. Dressed in a white satin gown with a hood that concealed her face, she had long, flowing blue hair and glowed with an otherworldly pallor. In her hand, she clutched a bouquet of lifeless flowers, her voice as soft and cold as the chill in the air. "Hurry back," she sang, her eyes gleaming with a mischievous twinkle, "Be sure to bring your death certificate, if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now! We've been dying… to have you." This was Little Leota, the Ghostess, and she watched them with an unsettling anticipation. The group exchanged nervous glances, unsure if they were ready to leave the thrilling yet terrifying embrace of the Haunted Mansion, but knowing they had to face the real world again. With a final chuckle from their spectral passengers, the Hitchhiking Ghosts vanished, and their Doom Buggies emerged into the night, the storm now a gentle patter on the cobblestone path. They had survived the mansion's eerie embrace, but the memory of Little Leota's invitation lingered, a haunting reminder of the secrets they had uncovered in the heart of the park's most mysterious attraction.

"Now I will raise the safety bar, and a ghost will follow you home!" Laughed The Ghost Host.

As the Bowery Boys stumbled out of the Doom Buggies, their legs unsteady from the nerve-wracking ride, they couldn't shake off the feeling that they were being watched. "Looks like we're ghost-free," Slip said, trying to sound more relieved than he felt. They looked around the unnaturally quiet graveyard, the storm now just a faint whisper in the distance. "Let's get out of here before we're invited to another party we don't wanna crash," he suggested, a hint of nerves in his voice.

Whitey looked back at the mansion, his eyes lingering on the windows. "You don't think they're gonna follow us, do you?"

"They're just trying to keep the mystery alive," Chuck said, slapping a hand on Whitey's back, "It's all part of the show."

Sach scratched his head. "But what if it's not just a show?"

Bobby nods. "Let's just go before we find out."

They hurried down the path, the mansion's looming presence seemingly less menacing with each step they took away from it. The sound of their laughter grew louder, trying to drown out the whispers of the night. As they neared the park's bustling main street, the chatter of other guests and the jovial tunes of the carousel wafted through the air. The mansion's eerie spell began to break, but they couldn't shake the feeling that the Haunted Mansion had left its mark on them, a reminder that sometimes the most thrilling adventures were the ones you didn't plan on taking.

[itshelia]

My mom to her friends, my aunts, and literally everyone she knows: Yeah, my kid is so smart. She is on her phone a lot of the time, but it's not like you guys think, She is not like how kids nowadays are, She reads a lot of books on her phone!!

Me, a fanfic reader who can survive off nothing but just words and day dreams herself to sleep:

[rambleonwithrosie]

Richard's monologues in Henry VI pt 2 are terrifying not just for how merciless he is but also for the fact he uses similar arguments to what a modern incel would. Truly chilling.

[abriefingwithmichael]

Screengrabs from:

Episode 45

Episode 46

Episode 47

Episode 48

Episode 49

Episode 50

Episode 51

[milliondollarbaby87]

Sabrina (1954) Review

Sabrina Fairchild is the daughter of a rich families chauffeur and she has always been head over heels in love with David Larrabee. After a trip away she returns and it is actually his older brother Linus who begins to be a more suited match for her. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Continue reading Untitled

[letterboxd-loggd]

Theodora Goes Wild (1936) Richard Boleslawski

December 8th 2022

[storiesforallfandoms]

Masterlist 3!

Here’s the third masterlist for all of my works! If you want to check out more of my work, here’s the links for masterlist one and masterlist two Imagines marked * are smutty imagines! Imagines marked ` are requests! Imagines marked ⭐ are personal favorites!

IMAGINES

STRANGER THINGS small ~ jim hopper` dance with me ~ eddie munson ⭐ starry night ~ steve harrington* (part five) ⭐ at the hip ~ steve harrington` ⭐ triple date ~ steve harrington (part six) ⭐ the freak ~ steve harrington (part seven) ⭐ oblivious ~ eddie munson ⭐ jason doesn’t know ~ eddie munson ⭐ this is music ~ eddie munson` ⭐

SUPERNATURAL strange human feelings ~ castiel` cleaning ~ dean winchester`

HANNIBAL into fiction` sob story ~ hannibal lecter

THE BOYS obsession ~ billy butcher* ⭐ herogasm ~ soldier boy* ⭐ alone on christmas ~ billy butcher can’t get too close ~ billy butcher ⭐ change in a heartbeat ~ billy butcher ⭐ the bad room ~ homelander ⭐

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY life father ~ diego hargreeves` rescue mission ~ klaus hargreeves’ ⭐

THE LAST OF US (HBO) friendly neighbors ~ joel miller ⭐ too sweet ~ joel miller

BARRY attraction ~ barry berkman` treat him better ~ barry berkman

AMERICAN HORROR STORY late night sins ~ xavier plympton (1984)*`

VICTORIOUS lost dog ~ tori vega` junker ~ beck oliver

HEMLOCK GROVE i don’t ever wanna see you with him ~ roman godfrey ⭐

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES roses are red ~ damon salvatore` ⭐

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH captive ~ blackbeard/ed teach ⭐

PEAKY BLINDERS moved on ~ thomas shelby

FUTURE MAN winner ~ josh futturman* ⭐

GAME OF THRONES littlest lion ~ oberyn martell (part one) ⭐ freedom ~ oberyn martell (part two) ⭐

THE WITCHER destiny ~ geralt of rivia

DOCTOR WHO looks of a princess ~ eleventh doctor ⭐

BRIDGERTON by the lake ~ benedict bridgerton

THE GENTLEMEN the assistant ~ raymond smith ⭐

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN spirit of nature ~ jack sparrow`

THE MAZE RUNNER i’ll keep you safe ~ newt`

MARVEL how things are now ~ marc spector and steven grant` ⭐ kneel ~ loki* the most wonderful time ~ bucky barnes fast ~ pietro maximoff ⭐

1917 early morning ~ will schofield*`

THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF MASSIVE TALENT happy birthday ~ javi gutierrez ⭐

FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S i need someone older ~ william afton ⭐ the ice cream girl ~ mike schmidt

SALTBURN new toy ~ felix catton ⭐ partners ~ oliver quick ⭐

THE SANTA CLAUSE santa’s sister-in-law ~ bernard the elf

8 MILE one of the guys ~ jimmy smith jr ⭐

THE FALL GUY the space cowboy and the pa ~ tom ryder

A QUIET PLACE i’d find you in any life ~ eric ⭐

GLADIATOR II betrothed ~ emperor geta ⭐

PETE DAVIDSON your gift` favoritism`

HARRY STYLES the perfect tree a star in the making` sleepy head`

MACHINE GUN KELLY baby mama` ⭐ my queen*` getting your attention*` all the mistakes` not what it looks like` can’t keep doing this*`

EMINEM may the best artist win*` too close for comfort` ⭐ when it’s wrong but it feels right` in the dressing room*` he’s acting different` we have to stop meeting like this` every inch*` let’s surprise the world` i’m sorry i let you down`

GOODGUYFITZ wake up call*`

CORPSE HUSBAND letting go` they forgot` ⭐

ASHTON IRWIN home life` cover me*`

CONAN GRAY pushing`

MATTHEW LILLARD accidental drunk confessions`

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE feeling good*`

ALEX TURNER more than a song*` ⭐

BO BURNHAM can’t handle this right now ⭐ look at me*`

KRISTEN STEWART special customer`

TARON EGERTON he already has my approval ⭐

ROBERT PATTINSON my favorite superhero

GERARD WAY good girl*`

GWILYM LEE history repeats itself`

RYAN GOSLING play date`

JOSEPH QUINN bad idea, right? ⭐

RANBOO fluffy haired gamer boy`

JACOB ELORDI height advantage`

MOTLEY CRUE she is mine ~ mick mars`

CHRIS EVANS not used to normal` ⭐

SWAGGERSOULS our next step`

JSCHLATT too far ⭐ the hotel room* ⭐

JOHNNY DEPP just for us`

TRAVIS BARKER the parent trap`

SHIPS

family reunion ~ hermione granger x draco malfoy`

HEADCANONS

showing pedro pascal fan edits ⭐ sitting on jschlatt’s lap ⭐

NSFW ALPHABET

rook (jp capellette)*` eddie munson* ⭐ billy butcher* ⭐

[baddestbittyontheblock]

°.┈∘┈୨୧┈∘♡masterpost♡┈∘┈୨୧┈∘°

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ here all my masterlists in one place! i hope you all enjoy! 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ remember to like and reblog the works you enjoy in order to support each writer!! 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒

monthly recs

january

february (2)

march

april

may

tlou

ellie williams fic recs(1) (2) (3)

abby anderson

joel miller

woso

alexia putellas(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

alessia russo(1) (2) (3)

leah williamson(1) (2)

steph catley

caitlin foord

ona batlle

jessie fleming

leila ouihabi

patri guijarro

claudia pina

georgia stanway

lucy bronze

mapi león

aitana bonmatí

ana-maria crnogorčević

jenni hermoso

sam kerr

kyra cooney-cross

vivianne meidema

måneskin

hp universe

marauders era

sirius black(1) (2)

james potter(1) (2)

remus lupin

lily evans

marlene mckinnon

kpop

huh yunjin

yu jimi

minatozaki sana

im nayeon

park jihyo

kim minjeong

kim jennie

kim mingyu

hong jisoo

choi seungcheol

dancers

lee bada(1) (2)

marvel universe

natasha romanoff (2)

wanda maximoff (2)

tasm!peter parker

yelena belova

bucky barnes

hotd

rhaenyra targaryen

celebrities

billie eilish

elizabeth olsen

scarlett johansson

florence pugh

pedro pascal

bridgerton

anthony bridgerton

benedict bridgerton

peaky blinders

tommy shelby

f1

lewis hamilton

charles leclerc

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ dividers: @v6que, @chilumitos, @h-aewo, @aqualogia 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒

[vintagetvstars]

Hot Vintage TV Men's Bracket - Round 1 - Part 1/2 (Polls 1-99)

Round 1 (All Polls)

Ted Bessell Vs. Dick Van Dyke

Jonathan Frid Vs. William Hartnell

Claude Rains Vs. William Hopper

Eric Idle Vs. Peter Tork

Henry Winkler Vs. Tom Smothers

Martin Kove Vs. Tom Selleck

Jeff Conaway Vs. John de Lancie

Dave Foley Vs. Michael J. Fox

David Hyde Pierce Vs. Tony Shalhoub

Jason Bateman Vs. Rob Lowe

Ted Cassidy Vs. Boris Karloff

Eddie Albert Vs. Russell Johnson

Bobby Sherman Vs. Micky Dolenz

Robin Williams Vs. Fred Grandy

Kevin Smith Vs. Bruce Campbell

Brad Dourif Vs. LeVar Burton

Seth Green Vs. Brandon Quinn

Matthew Perry Vs. Tim Daly

Mike Farrell Vs. Judd Hirsch

Matt Bomer Vs. Timothy Olyphant

Larry Hagman Vs. Kent McCord

Fred Rogers Vs. Bobby Troup

David Cassidy Vs. Luke Halpin

George Takei Vs. Richard Hatch

Ricardo Montalban Vs. John Forsythe

Richard Dean Anderson Vs. Bruce Willis

Anthony Head Vs. Paul McGann

Thorsten Kaye Vs. Michael Horse

Darren E. Burrows Vs. Dana Ashbrook

Adam Brody Vs. Milo Ventimiglia

Adam West Vs. Richard Chamberlain

Randy Boone Vs. Dean Butler

Clint Walker Vs. George Maharis

Erik Estrada Vs. Paul Michael Glaser

Billy Dee Williams Vs. Rock Hudson

Ted Danson Vs. Jameson Parker

Sylvester McCoy Vs. Armin Shimerman

Joe Lando Vs. Spencer Rochfort

Ben Browder Vs. Keith Hamilton Cobb

Richard Ayoade Vs. Kevin McDonald

Patrick McGoohan Vs. Robert Vaughn

Chad Everett Vs. DeForest Kelley

Jon Pertwee Vs. Mark Lenard

Darren McGavin Vs. Peter Falk

Terry Jones Vs. Alan Alda

Michael Tylo Vs. Timothy Dalton

Sean Bean Vs. Valentine Pelka

Ioan Gruffudd Vs. Colin Firth

David Tennant Vs. Robert Carlyle

Jason Priestley Vs. Tom Welling

Martin Milner Vs. James Garner

David Soul Vs. Lee Majors

Derek Jacobi Vs. Andrew Robinson

David Hasselhoff Vs. Stephen Nichols

Jimmy Smits Vs. Hal Linden

Brent Spiner Vs. Ted Raimi

Patrick Troughton Vs. Andreas Katsulas

Miguel Ferrer Vs. Mitch Pileggi

David James Elliot Vs. Andre Braugher

Blair Underwood Vs. Mark-Paul Gosselaar

Don Adams Vs. Cesar Romero

Bob Crane Vs. John Astin

Walter Koenig Vs. Davy Jones

Tom Baker Vs. Jamie Farr

Woody Harrelson Vs. John Schneider

John Goodman Vs. Joseph Marcell

Danny John-Jules Vs. Marc Alaimo

Michael Praed Vs. Kevin Sorbo

Mark McKinney Vs. Colm Meaney

Neil Patrick Harris Vs. David Schwimmer

James Arness Vs. Robert Fuller

Clint Eastwood Vs. Robert Conrad

Jonathan Frakes Vs. Michael Hurst

David Duchovny Vs. Michael T. Weiss

Luke Perry Vs. Jeremy Sisto

Matt LeBlanc Vs. John Stamos

Reece Shearsmith Vs. Alexander Siddig

Eric Close Vs. William Shockley

Daniel Dae Kim Vs. Robert Beltran

Scott Cohen Vs. Scott Patterson

Dick Gautier Vs. Michael Landon

Wayne Rogers Vs. Alejandro Rey

Gerald McRaney Vs. Robert Wagner

Simon Williams Vs. John Cleese

Brian Blessed Vs. James Earl Jones

Noah Wyle Vs. Kyle MacLachlan

James Marsters Vs. Paul Gross

Paolo Montalban Vs. Robert Duncan McNeill

Garrett Wang Vs. Nate Richert

Christian Kane Vs. Michael Vartan

David McCallum Vs. David Selby

Leonard Nimoy Vs. Colin Baker

Randolph Mantooth Vs. Michael Nesmith

Demond Wilson Vs. Tony Danza

Ron Perlman Vs. Mr. T

Ron Glass Vs. Dirk Benedict

John Shea Vs. Michael Ontkean

Jeffrey Combs Vs. Rowan Atkinson

Tim Russ Vs. Bruce Boxleitner

Round 1 Polls 100 - 128

[kaylasficrecs]

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ fic rec masterlist ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖

✩ if one of the fics is yours and would like me to remove it, pls let me know by messaging me ✩

billy the kid

william bonney

bridgerton

benedict bridgerton

criminal minds

spencer reid ⋆ part 2 ⋆ part 3

detective comics

damian wayne

dick grayson

jason todd 

grishaverse

kaz brekker ⋆ part 2

nikolai lantsov

harry potter

lightning era

cedric diggory

draco malfoy

harry potter

lorenzo berkshire

mattheo riddle ⋆ part 2

theodore nott ⋆ part 2

marauders era

james potter ⋆ part 2

remus lupin

hunger games

coriolanus snow

marvel cinematic universe

loki laufeyson

peter parker ⋆ part 2 ⋆ part 3

marc spector

matt murdock

miguel o’hara ⋆ part 2

outer banks

jj maybank ⋆ part 2

rafe cameron

peaky blinders

thomas shelby

percy jackson and the olympians

luke castellan

real person fiction

actors

drew starkey

jack champion

tom blyth

tom holland

nfl & nhl

jack hughes

joe burrow

singers

harry styles ⋆ part 2

scream

ethan landry

supernatural

dean winchester

jack kline

sam winchester

star wars

anakin skywalker

cal kestis

poe dameron

stranger things

steve harrington ⋆ part 2

ted lasso

jamie tartt ⋆ part 2

sam obisanya

the bear

carmen berzatto ⋆ part 2

(chef) luca

the summer i turned pretty

conrad fisher

top gun

bradley bradshaw

jake seresin

javy machado

twisters

tyler owens

[granolora]

Fun little game, can anyone tell me which 4 of these British actors have NOT starred in Doctor Who?

Rowan Atkinson, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Holland, William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, John Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davidson, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, Sir John Hurt, Christopher Eccleston, David Tennant, Matt Smith, Peter Capaldi, Jodie Whittaker, Ncuti Gatwa, Billie Piper, Jo Martin, Sir David Attenborough, Micheal Sheen

[grimoireofhayley]

Grimoire of Hayley's Masterlist

Hello and Welcome to my Masterlist.

Here you will find both continued and currently writing stories/series and their links, which is always nice as it brings you straight to it. My Masterlist will always be updated and you'll find every literature piece I've ever written located here.

When Requesting Prompts/Headcanons/One-Shots:

I will write anything whether it be triggering to many or not triggering at all, whether it be dark and grotesque to light and heartwarming; nothing is off limits (I am a splatterpunk/extreme horror author) but please be specific with what you want in the 'Ask Away' section of my blog.

Below are a list of things I will need... I WILL AUTOMATICALLY DECLINE if I am missing all three things in the request.

Pronouns

Character or Characters you want written for/about

Prompt/Idea

Example: "Hi, I would like to request a prompt where reader's pronouns are she/her and I want it to be with Billy Loomis where reader is upset that Billy has gotten so close to Sidney, I want it to be angsty, possible friends to lovers trove."

!RULES FOR MY BLOG!

THIS IS A 18+ BLOG, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, as there will be hardcore smut (even though I’m still learning how to write it, haha), swearing, and graphic content...

I DO NOT tolerate any kind of bullying in the comments, if I see any, you will be automatically removed from any tag list you may have requested to be on, your comment will be removed and you will be blocked. So, please, NO BULLYING.

BE RESPECTFUL to me and to others

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION for MY STORIES to be posted on other sites!

Fandoms I’ll write for 🥵

BALDUR'S GATE 3

Astarion Ancunin, Gale of Waterdeep, Wyll Ravengard, Shadowheart, Karlach, Halsin, Raphael, Lae'zel,

SCREAM

Stu Macher, Billy Loomis, Randy Meeks, Charlie Walker, Dewey Riley

HORROR

Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, Ghostface (obvs 🤟🏻) Pyramid Head

RESIDENT EVIL

Leon Kennedy, Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, Albert Wesker, Claire Redfield

BRIDGERTON

Anthony Bridgerton, Benedict Bridgerton, Colin Bridgerton, Simon Hastings

THE WALKING DEAD

Daryl Dixon, Rick Grimes, Glenn Rhee, Negan Smith

STRANGER THINGS

Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove

SUPERNATURAL

Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Crowley, Lucifer, John Winchester

EVIL DEAD (Series and Movies)

Ash Williams, Pablo, Baal, Kelly Maxwell, Ruby

☣️Reading Lists/My Works☣️

Stranger Things

Colourful Mind (Eddie Fic) (Will be continued soon)

The Jealousy Monster (Eddie Fic) (Completed)

Evil Dead

Hail to The King, Baby! (Ash Williams Fic) (Will be continued soon)

Scream

Of Friends and Horror (Stu and Billy Fic) (Current series!)

Baldur's Gate 3

Cheri Cheri Lady (Astarion FanFiction)

[randomfoggytiger]

Kibbe Body Types, Part 2: David Duchovny

Gillian Anderson's Kibbe analysis here; beginner's guide here.

Okay.

So.

We're going to have to do this analysis a little differently.

David Kibbe has a thorough quiz to type your body correctly... if you're a woman. So... I'm going to have to go around the mulberry bush a bit to arrive at David Duchovny's Kibbe Type.

...Why don't you tag along with me? We'll find out together.

(Spoiler: I already know his Type.)

KIBBE BODY TYPES-- BUT FOR MEN

(**Note**: You can skip this section if extra reading isn't your thing.)

Kibbe identifies female bodies through their height, their hips, their chest, their waist, and their shoulders. However, male bodies are a whole different ballgame: width is the key measure-- of greater importance even than height-- as well as the softness or "fleshiness" of the frame.

THANKFULLY, Aly Art's got my back with this video.

Now: we must identify the yin-- soft, delicate, short, light-- qualities and separate them from the yang-- strong, tall, lean, vertical, angular, sharp-- qualities. Everybody has a blend of those two traits slapped on their skeletons; but Kibbe tried (tries) to keep it as simple as possible.

There are five basic body types; and those five types are divided into yang (sharp) and yin (soft) variants.

Dramatics-- 100% yang energy: tall, lean, strong, hard. They look angular and heavy. Typically have smaller eyes, prominent nose and chin, and thin lips.

Benedict Cumberbatch, Sean Connery, Charlton Heston, Ricardo Montalban, Errol Flyn, Daniel Craig

Soft Dramatics-- predominant yang energy with some yin added: softness and fleshiness added to their sharp, angular frame.

Dean Martin, Christian Bale, Matthew McConoughy, John Travolta, Nicholas Cage, Clark Gable

Flamboyant Naturals-- strong and hard, but with wide, blunted edges. They appear sporty or athletic: moderate to tall height, wider shoulders, and slimmer waists and hips.

Calvin Klein, Dick Van Dyke, Harrison Ford, Clint Eastwood, Tom Selleck (maybe), Michael Landon (maybe), Joe Biden  

Soft Naturals-- like the FNs, they are wide, and blunted; but their width is softened by added fleshiness, appearing slightly less tall, less dense and more delicate. They sport plusher, softer cheeks, lips, torso, and thighs; and often appear "cuter" than FNs, Ds, and SDs.

Alan Alda, OJ Simpson, John Wayne, Robert Redford, Robert Conrad, Bing Crosby, Tom Cruise, George Clooney, Gene Kelly, Brad Pit, Gene Hackman

Dramatic Classics-- is an even, "average" mixture of yin and yang elements with a slightly more dominant yang presence. They have a very blended bone structure with tauter cheeks and more predominant facial features.

Carey Grant, John Ham

Soft Classics-- is an even, "average" mixture of yin and yang elements with a slightly more delicate yin presence. They have a very blended bone structure with softer lips and fleshier cheeks.

John Slattery, John Glenn, Gregory Peck, Bryant Gumbel

Romantics-- is 100% yin: smaller, shorter, softer, more delicate. No sharp angles. They appear gentler, less harsh, less "brutally" masculine than their Dramatic and Natural counterparts.

Colin Firth, Leonardo DiCaprio, Elijah Wood, Simon Baker, Richard Gere, Michael Jackson, Omar Shereef, Billy Dee Williams, Elvis Presley

Theatrical Romantics-- is 100% yin with a taut touch of yang to their features: narrow, delicate bones instead of fully-rounded, softly-widened angles.

David Kibbe, Orlando Bloom, Prince, Johnny Depp

Flamboyant Gamines-- an uneven mixture of yin and yang elements, with more pronounced yang in their angularity and sharpness. They have small, rectangular muscularity: angular facial bones, smaller shoulders and torso, some tautness to their physique.

Jimmy Kimmel, Frank Sinatra, Neil Patrick Harris

Soft Gamines-- an uneven mixture of yin and yang elements, with more pronounced yin in their rounded curves and softness. They appear the most "cute" of the types: an even smaller Gamine, with softer cheeks, softer noses, softer lips, bigger eyes, smaller hands, etc.

Fred Astaire, Robert Downy Jr. 

THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE MONOTONE

David's frame is dominated by prominent, long vertical lines-- dare I say, blunt edges?-- and shoulders that appear-- or are?-- wider because of his narrow waist and hips.

Using this previous post as a rough guide to map out his features, DD has pronounced yin-- softer cheeks, rounder nose, softened jawbone, softer flesh over his muscles-- but not enough to cover or dominate the long, strong bones in his frame and overall musculature.

I have my suspicions, and they swing Soft Natural (not enough T-bone shoulder to fit Flamboyant Natural); but let's put this theory to the test.

COMPARISON IS OUR REPRIEVE AND JOY

But you ask: how are we going to type the Man, the Myth, the Monotone without a handy dandy reference guide?

Easy peasy. We compare him to other body types and notate the differences.

David and Gamines

We're eliminating Gamines first because their shorter lines, shorter stature, and more angular or rounded bodies are in direct opposition to his longer, denser lines.

Compared to DD's wider shoulders, denser frame, and squarer facial features, Jimmy Kimmel and Lucy Liu (and Theatrical Romantic Gillian Anderson) appear more"weightless", angular, and narrow.

Soft Gamine Winona Ryder and Halle Berry appear weightless as well; but their angular features are tempered by an added layer of softness that corresponds with the fleshiness of David's face.

David and Romantics

We have a look-a-like for this section: Richard Gere, a pure Romantic.

Compared to DD's wide shoulders, slim torso and hips, and more defined musculature (even at his skinniest), Richard is composed of rounded curves, more delicate facial and skeletal bones, and a soft layer of flesh over his torso, arms, thighs, and legs. Even at Richard's fittest, there was still a softness present in his body that could not be chiseled away or hidden.

The two Romantic Type women below-- Drew Barrymore, pure Romantic; Gillian Anderson, Theatrical Romantic-- again highlight the density of David's structure, bringing out a "heavier" presence than the Gamines had previously.

David and Classics

Is David a Classic Type? Frankly, no-- his bones are too long and dense to be moderate and balanced; and he, even more frankly, looks terrible in very quaffed, groomed, and buttoned-up outfits.

Compared to DD's length and width, Dramatic Classics appear more proportionate, their touch of sharpness blending in with-- not rivaling-- the balance of their frames. DC Carey Grant's more balanced edges bring out the angles in DD's face, more so than the Gamines or Romantics did.

By contrast, Soft Classics' proportionate frames contain a touch of softness-- Meryl Streep's yin calls forth David's, appearing more rounded instead of angular or blunt.

David and Dramatics

Compared to David, Dramatics' structure is more elongated, narrow, and angular. Dramatic Benedict Cumberbatch has sharper, more prominent features; less width across his shoulders and torso; and barely any yin to speak of in his face.

(I also suspicion Tea Leoni as a Dramatic; so sneaked her in here.)

Soft Dramatics have the elongated sharpness of the Dramatics with a soft, fleshy padding over the tautness of their features. Compared to SD Christian Bale's sharpness-in-spite-of-his-softness, DD's softer, blunter edges become more obvious.

David and Naturals

And last but not least, we reach the native soil of David Duchovny's body type.

Flamboyant Naturals are a close but not perfect match-- their elongated, blunt width not only matches but exceeds DD's shoulders, torso, arms, legs, and facial features. FN Harrison Ford looks denser, more muscular, and even more athletic when compared to his softer brother from a different mother.

Soft Naturals: finally, David is home! Soft Naturals have the width and length of the FNs Types softened and slightly moderated by an added, pronounced yin quality. Their face, lips, arms, torso, and slim waist appear less blunt (if no less wide); and the dense musculature of their frame is less noticeable in comparison.

LINES, SILHOUETTES, AND OTHER FASHION ADVICE

Now that David's found his SN kind, I shall pack him up a little box lunch of good wardrobe advice to take with him. ...Or that was the theory, except it is notoriously hard to get my hands on Kibbe Body Type advice for men.

I shall do my best to transcribe and transform Aly Art's excerpts (here) from David Kibbe's Metamorphosis book:

"Soft Natural: it is the overall combination of the very soft yin with the yang undercurrent. Slightly soft and fleshy body type on an angular frame combined with an appealing, innocent essence.

Height: moderate.... Bone structure: slightly angular bones, slightly broad shoulders, moderate to slightly short limbs, slightly leggy look also possible. Blunt or small and irregular facial contours-- nose, cheekbones, and jawline. Hands and feet are moderate and fleshy, or slightly small and wide. Body type: slightly soft..... Facial features: full and rounded. Round eyes, round eyes, full lips, soft cheeks. Nose tends small and wide; or slightly irregular, blunt or wide. If overweight, the body tends to become extremely soft and fleshy, with the waist thickening. The upper hips, arms, and thighs tend to collect excess weight most rapidly.

"Physically, you are basically angular in bone structure-- although this is softened by a fleshy body type and full facial features.... To disperse your soft yin undercurrent..., we want to develop an appearance that could best be described as fresh and sensual....

"Shape: Asymmetric and irregular curves-- elongated ovals, wide circles, ellipticals, and so on. Relaxed geometrics with rounded edges, easy swirls. You might not look as good in sharp geometrics; in wide, chunky, and boxy shapes; in plain, symmetrical shapes; in overly ornate shapes.

"Line and silhouette: unconstructed silhouette with shaping, particularly at waist. Relaxed lines with subtle drape and flow, particularly bias cuts.

You might not look as good in wide, shapeless silhouettes; in sharp, severe silhouettes; in symmetrical silhouettes; in fitted silhouettes.

"Details: details should be loose, relaxed, delicate, slightly intricate, and very creative. Any detail that suggests a bit of antique or the earth is excellent. Shoulders should not be sharp or stiff. Necklines should be loose and soft, not closed, restricted, or fussy. Simple draped necklines; soft cowls; soft notched collars; clean lapels; shawl collars; and so on. Waist should be defined, although loosely: there can be a slightly blousy effect with the top draped over the waistline, or a slightly dropped waist as long as the silhouette is fluid. Gathers and falls should be deep, full, and soft; sleeves can be full and flowing, or gently tapered at the wrist with minimum detail.

"Trim should be delicate and antique, shearing applique, and so on. You might not look as good in sharply tailored detail, in no detail, in overly fitted and fussy detail, in animated, perky detail."

Conclusion

David Duchovny's gonna do and wear what he's gonna do and wear. And that's just fine.

Thanks for reading~

And take care of yourselves.

Enjoy!

[wouldadepressedpersonmakethis]

top portrayals:

LIZZY

[12] Lily James

[9] Keira Knightley, Jennifer Lawrence

[5] Imogen Poots

[4] Maisie Williams

[3] Sarah Bolger, Jenna Louise Coleman, Romola Garai, Bella Heathcote, Amber Heard, Saoirse Ronan, Emily VanCamp, Alicia Vikander

[2] Rose Byrne, Nina Dobrev, Taissa Farmiga, Sarah Gadon, Karen Gillan, Eva Green, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Anna Kendrick, Katie McGrath, Leighton Meester, Sophie Turner

[5] Matthew Goode, Jared Padalecki

[4] Jude Law, Aaron Paul

[3] Nathaniel Buzolic, Bradley Cooper, Hugh Dancy, John Krasinski, Landon Liborion, Miles Teller

[2] Jonas Armstrong, Justin Bartha, Douglas Booth, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Sam Claflin, Charlie Cox, Chace Crawford, Charlie Day, Leonardo DiCaprio, Robert Downey Jr., Martin Freeman, Ryan Gosling, Tom Hardy, Tom Hiddleston, Charlie Hunnum, Jake Johnson, Harry Lloyd, James McAvoy, Mads Mikkelsen, Julian Morris, Colin Morgan, David Morrisey, Dylan O’Brien, Evan Peters, Michael Pitt, Eddie Redmayne, Andrew Scott, Bill Skarsgard, Ben Whishaw

KATE THE GREAT

[ 3 ] Astrid Berges-Frisby, Bella Heathcote [ 2 ] Sarah Gadon, Felicity Jones

KATE AA

[ 8 ] Michael Fassbender [ 8 ] Keira Knightley [ 7 ] Tom Hardy

[ 6 ] Emilia Clarke, Phoebe Tonkin [ 6 ] Jensen Ackles, Richard Armitage, Henry Cavill

[ 5 ] Emily Blunt, Nina Dobrev [ 5 ] Nathaniel Buzolic, Sam Claflin, Luke Evans, Chris Hemsworth

[ 4 ] Jenna Louise Coleman, Michelle Dockery, Margot Robbie, Emma Watson [ 4 ] Ben Barnes, Benedict Cumberbatch, Chris Evans, Liam Hemsworth, Jared Padalecki, Bill Skarsgard, Sebastian Stan, Toby Stevens

[ 3 ] Candace Accola, Natalie Dormer, Jessica Brown Findaly, Claire Holt, Scarlett Johanson, Freya Mavor, Katie McGrath, Natalie Portman, Charlize Theron, Emma Watson [ 3 ] Robert Carlyle, Nikolai Coster-Waldau, Jaime Dornan, Theo James, Joseph Morgan, Julian Morris, Evan Peters, Aidan Turner

[ 2 ] Chloe Bennet, Shelley Hennig, Lena Headey, Amber Heard, Lily James, Leighton Meester, Emilie de Ravin, Krysten Ritter, Sophie Turner, Evan Rachel Wood [ 2 ] Aneurin Barnard, Douglas Booth, Charlie Cox, Charles Dance, Hugh Dancy, Scott Eastwood, Mark Gatiss, Tom Hiddleston, Michiel Huisman, Harry Lloyd, Richard Madden, James Norton, Colin O’Donoghue, Daniel Sharman, Milo Ventimiglia

LAUREN

[ 7 ] Natalie Dormer [ 6 ] Romola Garai [ 5 ] Emma Stone [ 4 ] Crystal Reed, Holland Roden [ 3 ] Karen Gillan, Rosamund Pike, Emilie de Ravin, Eleanor Tommilson, Charity Wakefield

TINA RAE

[ 5 ] Ben Whishaw [ 3 ] Billie Piper [ 3 ] Dylan O’Brian, Colin O'Donoghue [ 2 ] Alexis Bledel, Laura Carmicheal, Sarah Paulson, Lara Pulver, Taylor Swift, Anna Torv [ 2 ] JJ Field, Freddie Highmore, Josh Hutcherson, Gabriel Mann, Dan Stevens, Max Theriot

JENN

2: Cava Delevingne, Zoey Deutch, Phoebe Tonkin, Lea Seydoux, Kristen Stewart, Suki Waterhouse, Emma Watson

3: Tom Hiddleston 2: Daane Dehann, Chris Hemsworth, Luke Mitchell

[kwebtv]

The Over the Hill Gang  -  ABC  -  October 7, 1969

Made for TV  movie

Western  (ABC Movie of the Week)

Running Time:  75 minutes

Stars:

Walter Brennan as Nash Crawford

Pat O'Brien as Captain Oren Hayes

Chill Wills as Gentleman George Asque

Edgar Buchanan as Jason Fitch

Gypsy Rose Lee as Cassie

Andy Devine as Judge Amos Polk

Jack Elam as Sheriff Clyde Barnes

Edward Andrews as Mayor Nard Lundy

Ricky Nelson as Jeff Rose

Kristen Nelson as Hannah Rose

William Smith as Amos

Myron Healey as Deputy Tucker

Rex Holman as Deputy Dolby

Bruce Glover as Deputy

Allen Pinson as Deputy Steel

Burt Mustin as Old Man

Almira Sessions as Mrs. Fletcher

Robert Karnes as Sheriff

Dennis Cross as Sheriff

William 'Billy' Benedict as Joe (telegrapher)

Harlen Carraher as Nash Crawford's grandson

Larry Michaels as Nash Crawford's grandson

[one-odd-ood]

I recently ran a Devil tournament in a Discord I’m a member of, and here are the results after weeks of voting.

The original list (kept to 32 for ease of bracketing):

George Burns - Oh, God! You Devil (1984)

Gabriel Byrne - End of Days (1999)

Peter Stormare - Constantine (2005)

Kirk Douglas - The Garden of Allah (1995)

Al Pacino - The Devil’s Advocate (1997)

Tom Waits - The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009)

Viggo Mortensen - The Prophecy (1995)

Elizabeth Hurley- Bedazzled (2000)

William Fichtner - Hell on Earth (2014)

Jack Nicholson - The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

John Glover - Brimstone (1998-1998)

Tom Ellis - Lucifer (2016-2021)

Gwendoline Christie - The Sandman (2022-2022)

Dave Grohl - Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny (2006)

Mark Pelligrino - Supernatural (2009-2020)

Ewan McGregor - Last Days in the Desert (2015)

Gary Oldman - Beat the Devil (2002)

Peter Cook - Bedazzled (1967)

Benedict Cumberbatch - Good Omens (2019)

Jon Lovitz - SNL (1985-1990)

Chris Pontius - Jackass (2000-2007)

Jason Sudekis - SNL (2003-2013)

John Ritter - Wholly Moses! (1980)

Harvey Keitel - Little Nicky (2000)

Billy Crystal - Deconstructing Harry (1997)

Ray Wise - Reaper (2007-2009)

Clarence Williams III - Tales from the Hood (1995)

Keith David - Tales from the Hood 2 (2018)

Rosalinda Celentano - The Passion of the Christ (2004)

Peter Fonda - Ghost Rider (2007)

Ciarán Hinds - Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)

Jennifer Love Hewitt - Shortcut to Happiness (2003)

For the record, that’s not Satan in Legend; his character’s name is Darkness. Just throwing that out there.

If this could somehow make its way to Dave Grohl (I don’t have twitter), that would be appreciated and awesome. Congratulations Dave!