#Why listening to music should be a part of your daily life

[tokoyamisstuff]

Sweet Tooth

Homelander x GN! Reader

Summary: Homelander is a regular customer at your little coffeeshop, visiting anytime he craves something sweet - you, in particular. Warnings: Canon-typical violence, cussing, HL is horny and also a douche Words: 1,575

"Seriously, Y/N? Who the fuck drinks a milkshake at 8am?"

Ah, there he is. You almost got worried because he ran late today.

"What are you, five? Grow the fuck up." That said, the gruff man in front of you pulled out a few loose dollar bills, cheekily slamming them on the counter. "One for me too, please."

You smirk, putting the cup down after slurping it in one go. Ouch, brainfreeze. "Good morning to you too, sunshine."

That's what he likes most about you: Finally someone that can take a fucking joke. People he usually surrounds himself with are either afraid of him, or got a damn stick up their asses.

Communication wasn't really his forte without someone dictating the lines he'd have to say. But with you it came refreshingly easy, that back and forth was so enjoyable that he almost felt human.

"Coming right away" you chant, already busying yourself with the ingredients. "With how often you're ordering this drink, I should name it after you."

Homelander snorts at the well-deserved mockery, unable to keep his mouth shut since you look so adorable when irritated. "As you should, considering I basically fund this place."

"Hey!" you put a warning finger in the air, lighthearted voice earnest now. "I can tolerate a lot, but that's no joking matter."

Okay, the location you were able to afford was neither central nor in a remotely good part of the town. It was so small that there was only space for two tables, and the interior honestly decaying.

But at least it was honest work, and you did the best you could.

"With the new Starbucks across the street I'm basically bancrupt." Oh godfuckingdamnit, he fucked up. Homelander here to unwind, and certainly not to listen to you whining about your insignificant little life.

Maybe Vought should send you a check, though - losing this spot would be annoying.

Initially Homelander came to your café out of sheer coincidence, wanting to calm his nerves after his first encounter with Sister Sage. He took a longer stroll through some shady alleyways, hoping to run into some lowlife to rip apart...

...instead, he found you. A pathetic excuse of business and surely not even remotely close to achieving the American Dream, but whatever.

John had found himself entranced with the cheesy decoration, a desperate attempt to make a place like this feel cozy. He secretly admired people with the ability to make anywhere feel like home.

Well, the menu looked good enough that he decided to treat himself with something sweet as matter of exception - and now it had become part of his daily routine.

Things had just settled like this, with you offering him your sincere company while he'd cryptically vent about anything on his mind.

"Here: For my favourite customer!" you cheered proudly as you presented him the shake. "Made with extra love."

"Secret ingredient, huh? You're just nice to get an extra tip" he tries to hide the insecurity behind a sassy remark, but you instantly parry his claim. "What, why, because you're so generous? Nonsense. You're just lucky you're so cute."

It was no lie, really. John had a rough shell and wore his heart on his tongue, but you appreciated his honesty and the good conversations you shared.

As you were rummaging in the kitchen counter, he couldn't help but notice how you turn down the radio despite continuing to hum the song it was playing. He once told you about having misophonia, and how much he hates modern pop music. You actually listen to him, consider his feelings unlike the imbeciles he's used to.

"Woah, maybe tune it down with the sugar, darling" he thought aloud as you poured yourself a coffe. Damn, he needs to save himself after this one - but the only thing he comes up with sounded more like a backhanded compliment at max. "You're already sweet enough, don't ya think?"

"Charming as always, I see." Your face contorts into a mixture of confusion and amusement at his words, and feeling bold you turn around, giving a provocating slap to your own ass. "As long as the fat goes into the right places."

John bites his bottom lip at the sight of your tight leggings framing your curves too well. Yeah, that'd be a great place to dig his fingers into. Some cushion wouldn't bruise or make you whine if he'd become a little rougher. Shit, his pants feel awfully tight right now.

"You're staring." Seeing him being the flustered one for a change sure was a great feeling, considering that he was very aware of his own good looks. So you decide to get him off the high horse, playfully poking his soft belly. "Also, you're one to talk."

Homelander shifts on the barstool, closing his legs so you wouldn't notice his cock twitching in anticipation at the sudden proximity. God knows how often he had daydreamed about slamming you onto the next best surface and fucking you stupid.

"You really shouldn't be mean to someone that could spit in your drink." He smirks, a predatory glint in his eyes as he leaned forwards until his unfairly handsome face was just inches from yours. "Joke's on you - I'd savour every last drop."

The audacity. You physically fight rolling your eyes at him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of reacting. "Sometimes I think you're the most obnoxious person in the world, John."

Liar, he thinks to himself.

Nothing is hidden from his abilities, neither your raised bloodpressure nor the scent of the wet spot forming between your legs. He prided himself on that fact. And yet you stand there all taken aback, trying to play coy. Cute.

Well, it wasn't as if you had no interest in him. He's been coming here for weeks and you're still working up the courage to at least give him your number - but he was so incredibly out of your fucking league that you never considered actually going through with it.

Homelander on the other hand decided he had let the opportunity slip for way too long already. Except for both of you the shop was empty as always, and even if it wasn't he wouldn't care. Hell, he'd already imagined what it would be like pounding you naked against the display window to show every passenger who you'd belong to from now on.

"John, I-"

"Shh" he hushed you, his silencing finger lingering on your lips. You pulled away, just to be caught by a firm hand on the back of your neck. "Tell me if I should stop - but we both know what you want me to do to you."

Oh, he's insufferable.

Honestly, you should just slap him and tell him to go fuck himself - but a primal need had already shut down the rational part of your brain. "Damnit John, will you kiss me now or do I need to fuck that shiteating grin out of your face?"

Shit, what's not to love about you?

"Hands up in the air you two shitheads, this is a robbery!"

Un-fucking-believable.

While you immediately went into panic mode, seeing a weapon up close for the first time in your whole life, John nonchalantly leaned against the counter, an aggravated groan escaping his throat. "Dude, worst fucking timing."

"John, don't provoke him-" He threw a hand up in the air, signalizing you to be quiet. "Stay behind and let me handle this, sweetheart."

You nod quietly, John shielding you with his body as you shakily paced behind the counter. A shot was fired and you shrieked at the sound, apparently the criminal wasn't exactly patient or he just didn't like your customer's tone.

"John! God John, are you alri-" Your words got caught in your throat as you saw the shell fall to the ground. Must be the adrenaline clouding your view, but there seemed to be not a scratch on his body. He winks cockily at you before turning around, using the lasers in his eyes to make a quick end to this before you'd involuntarily get caught into the crossfire.

"So, is the drink on the house or what?" The hero jokes unfazed after just having spread literal brain matter on your tiles.

You were still trembling when he squatted in front of your cowering self, reassuringly patting your back. This shit is like second nature to him, and sadly the little empathy he possessed had dulled over time. "I told you to stay down, silly."

As soon as you've calmed down to a certain extend, you pulled your savior's baseball cap from his head, revealing disheveled blonde hair.

"Are you the fucking Homelander?!"

"Can't deny that after what you've just witnessed" he answers truthfully, offering you a hand to get up. "Took you long enough to figure out, though."

Your strained pants turned into hysterical laughter, probably due to the shock. "I-I honestly have no words."

That means he wins today's banter, he jubilates internally. You could've been a little more thrilled about the reveal of his identity, though - but hey, you can show him your gratitude later on.

"Thank you, I guess." You finally release the breath you were holding, tension leaving your body as you collapsed into his arms. Police sirens could already be heard fast approaching. "I- could you please bring me home after the investigation is over?"

"Sure" he tries to hide his excitement, cradling your exhausted self against his chest. "If you don't mind, I'll take you to go."

[loveemagicpeace]

💿Some of life things in astrology💿

✨Venus in cancer - I usually see that these people always include parents in their daily life , in their love life , in their life in general. Also they always include their parents in their vlogs. They will always post their parents on social media or doing videos with them.

🎶People who have aquarius in 2nd house have the best taste in music. They have their own music that they listen to, but people always like it. They just put some song and people will love it.

🍸Mercury is how you express yourself and in which way and also shows how good you are in texting with people and how you are in contact with others.

🦭Mercury in capricorn- they are not such a good texter actually.I would say that they will texting you about: I don't know about time or place you two will meet or practical things. But they will not text you like 24/7 or something they are too busy. And also I feel like capricorn usually think they wasting their time texting someone things that don't usually have any meaning or are not practical.

🦋Mercury in scorpio- dig deep into things. Sometimes even too deep. In the sense that they go so deep into the things they want to find out ,that they hurt them at the end. One thing they have is, that they feel better when they find out things by themselves than when they find out from others. They are very deep thinkers and very deep in conversations they don't like small talks and they will always want to go deep with you in every conversation they will have. When you hurt them they will be harsh and very mean to you because when they speak they speak to their emotions.

❤️‍🔥Fire signs are confident, driven, lively and full of energy. They like to be mentally and physically active. They are also dreamers who measure their height. Fire signs are competitive.

🖤Earth signs are more in tune with nature and their bodies. They are reliable, tough, practical partners and friends. Earth signs take time to master a skill.

💕Air signs are mental and need a lot of communication. They like to remain objective. They often negotiate for justice. They value freedom and dislike conflict.

🩵Water signs are by nature creative, imaginative, dreamy and often very ignorant. Water is associated with emotions and the unconscious. They can be visionaries and have many ideas clairvoyant abilities. Water signs care about the environment and by nature feel with everyone and everything around them.

🌞God of Sun is Apollo. It is carved in the sanctuary of Apollo in Delphi the ancient saying "Know thyself". Because with the sun we ask ourselves "who am I?" and "why am I here?". Because with the sun we feel that our lives have meaning, that we were born with a mission that we must fulfill, and we want to know what it is supposed to be.

The sun represents its essence and indicates our goal in life. With the sun, we can discover qualities and find ways to use them in our lives. This can mean that we engage in a certain activity or wear colors with a connection to the sun. Just as Apollo rides in his fiery chariot across the sky, so the sun represents a heroic journey through life. Therefore, we can connect it to the work we do or should do performed in the world. The path of the sun is usually not very clear and, just like the heroic myths say, there are many pitfalls to overcome and lessons to be learned. It is these difficult tasks that test our limits, they confront us with loss and sacrifice and force us to become the best we can be. The Sun together with Saturn represent the father principle. The sign in which our sun is describes experiences with the father figure. In childhood, our first hero is the father.

🫧Nobody talks about how lonely you can feel with Uranus in the first house. Because it's the part of your personality and Uranus could make you feel that you don't belong somewhere or you feel some kind of distance in this house. When it's in in your first house you could feel that being around people make you lonely or doing some things alone for ex.: eating alone in the restaurant this could be the problem for you because you could feel very lonely when you do some things in the public alone or I don't know going to the coffee alone.

🌟Planets return show you things that you are not aware of it or you're not expressing them. For example Mercury return can show you the whole new perspective about things and could change your mindset for the better. Venus return can show you the new value about you or what you value about others. You are more aware now what u actually want. Where do you find real love. Mars return it can show you a new way to be brave, fearless and go outside your comfort zone. And where is your energy best expressed and through what. You can show your anger more during this time.

🍿It’s really hard to forget people with whom you share 4th House this is because they make you feel the most familiar and the most comfortable around them. It's like the family kind of vibe.It feels like coming home and being with them it's like being in the safe and secure environment. 4th house represents our home , the people that are closed to us , the space when you feel the most comfortable and people with whom you feel the most comfortable with.

🧜🏼‍♀️ Venis trine Uranus- I find this aspect so unique because you actually fall in love with the person's uniqueness and differentness they have. You actually love them for it. You love that this person is different and is not the same that anyone else. For ex.: it could be you don't like face tattoos or you don't like someone who dress extra but when you meet this person you actually love this on them. This relationship can be unique and so different than the others.

🧚🏼‍♀️Uranus in 1st house in synastry- it's kind of the same vibe that with uranus conj venus but it's not because when you first meet this person you feel like this person is different than the others and that they have some unique energy that nobody else has. You feel like this person is special and so unique. That their personality could be so different than the others. It's like you can try to find someone else but you feel like nobody else could compare to this person.

🌙Personal planets appear faster in synastry and the first time you meet the person (especially: sun, moon, mercury). And, of course, rising sign :which indicates the energy of a person when you meet them. But here's the trick with rising sign that many times the true energy of a person can be hidden and only show up after a while when you get to know the person better. 💧The outer planets, however, manifest themselves over the years, when the persons already know each other very well and have a relationship.

🧸3rd house not only represents communication, mind,car ,electronics ,social media ,telephones and any of this stuff. It's also represents your early high school experience and also people who were with you in your high school. Your high school first love and how it feels like. Your high school best friend. So every person you have a 3rd house synastry with is usually a person you met at that time. A lot of people you share third house with or the sign you have in the third house is meant to be for you to meet them actually.

🎸The best time you will have with the person and the best things you will experience with the people are people u share 9th house. This house is ruled by Jupiter the luckiest Planet. This is the house of gifts. The girt from God, so when you meet the people you share this house with it's a gift that actually was brought into your life. All the things you will experience with these people will actually mean something to you. Because 9th house is meaningful house is where you find meaning, where u seek for meaning , when u actually find optimism. The person's u share this house with can actually inspire you the most or give you the most luckiest advice.

🧁I believe that it's not only 5th house that represents memories, but every house represents some memory you have from your early childhood. Every house is something special. The sign that you have in this house is the sign that reminds you most of this event of your life. So for ex.: aries in 3rd house -maybe this person were your best friend and remind you the most of your high school experience. Taurus in 4th house- this person maybe remind you the most of your home or your childhood, family life. Maybe you grew up with this person. Leo in 8th house-this person probably reminds you most of a dark/deep period of your life. Maybe you could spend the most intense times with this person and share the most secrets.

🎸For personal readings u can sign up here: https://snipfeed.co/bekylibra 🎸

-Rebekah💿🧚🏼‍♀️☁️

[pearlesscentt]

of cool guys and part-time jobs

mark x reader, college!au, fluff, 752 words

having a job at a small bookstore was relatively stress-free compared to other part-time jobs you’d had in the past. this particular day was slow; you spent most of your time taking care of incoming shipments and doing inventory, with only a handful of customers coming in occasionally.

you loved days like this because they allowed you to put on some music and just do your thing. as if today couldn't get any more perfect, you and mark were able to squeeze in a lunch date.

mark worked at a café a few blocks away. on lucky days when they weren’t short-staffed, he visited and brought sandwiches and drinks for both of you to share—like today.

currently, you were munching on a caesar salad sub while listening to him rant about a regular who rotated between five different coffee orders and somehow expected them to know which one he was in the mood for during each visit.

“babe, we get hundreds of customers daily! does he think he’s special? why can’t he just—” something caught his eye. “wait, are those minions?”

“huh?” your eyes darted in the direction he was looking. you raised your eyebrows at him, confused about why he’d be distracted by minions.

he stood up, making a beeline toward the area where blind box toys and figures were kept. “oh, they’re not minions,” he said, leaning down to see the display closer. “what are these guys?”

they were smiskis. you walked over to his spot where he continued staring at them. “i can’t believe you cut your story short because of these,” you said, giggling.

“what are they? are they like shortcake?” he reached for one to examine the box closer. “like sonny angels but a different edition? they have similar packaging.”

“they’re smiskis.”

“smith-skis?”

“smiski,” you repeated, dragging the letters for emphasis. “i guess they’re kinda like sonny angels ‘cause they come in blind boxes too.”

“cool, cool, cool.”

“wanna know something cooler?” you asked. he nodded in response, still drawn to the bright yellow boxes. “they glow in the dark.”

“what? really?” his eyes were wide with excitement as if you’d just told him the best news of his life.

“cool, right?” you smiled at his reaction, then started walking back to the desk where you were having lunch.

he jogged to catch up with you. “babe, should we get one? let’s throw shortcake out and swap it with a cool guy.”

“shortcake is a him, not an it."

“can he glow in the dark?”

“he can’t, but so what? he’s cute!” you argued. “you can’t glow in the dark. should i throw you out too?”

“i was joking!” he chuckled, raising his hands in defense. when he saw you trying not to smile while playfully rolling your eyes, he pulled you by the waist and nuzzled his head on the crook of your neck. “baby, don’t throw me out. i’ll be good so you can keep me forever,” he whined.

giggling, you pushed him away playfully. “speaking of throwing you out,” you paused to point at the clock hanging on the wall, “your manager probably will if you don’t leave now.”

“oh shit,” he muttered. “i’ll see you later, okay?” he gave you a quick kiss on the lips before gathering his things as fast as he could and making a run for it.

you watched him with a smile as he disappeared from view. after making sure he was gone, you walked back to the smiski display and picked up the box mark was holding earlier.

“shortcake, let’s get you a new friend.”

after your shift at the bookstore, you headed straight to the café where mark worked; he only had fifteen minutes left, so it wasn’t that long of a wait. when he walked through the back door, you immediately held out a small paper bag for him.

“ta-da!”

he quickly made his way to give you a hug. “gift?” he asked when you pulled away to put it in his hands.

“open it, open it!”

when he did, he saw a familiar box. “no way! wait, no, don’t do this to me. dude, no way, you got me a cool guy!”

“yes way, i did!” you laughed. it was like watching a kid on christmas day, his eyes sparkling with excitement and a smile so contagious that it made your cheeks hurt.

“i think i’m gonna cry. i really wanted to get one earlier,” he chuckled, wrapping his arms around you again. “thank you, baby.”

click here for more of mark and shortcake! 🍓

nct masterlist | navigation ── reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated !

© 2024 PEARLESSCENTT. please do not steal my works.

[silentglassbreak]

Anonymous

Noah Sebastian x OFC

Alright folks, I think I’m on the other side of this cold. Which unfortunately means I am back at work. Things are going to start getting more serious here, so bear with me.

Moving forward, each chapter will have its own warnings above the normal, so just keep an eye out. As always, thank you for reading. ☺️

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, overall abuse, mild violence (ie. bar fights), smut, swearing, and altogether just a lot of fuckery. **STRONG TRIGGER WARNING FOR SA** Please proceed w/ caution.

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess

Part 8 - Limits

Three months is not a long time. Not long enough for me to drink in the relationship that now was encompassing the vast majority of my life. I still had my job, my meetings, my daily walks with Angel…but everything else was Noah.

Nights watching movies with him. Days going to his house and just existing while he sat in his studio making music. Standing backstage at random pop up shows they did. Morning showers. Evening cuddles. Very late night sex. Sex all the time? Noah had an incredible sex drive and I was along for the ride.

But today, this truly horrific day, was his last day before he left again on tour. It was panic day. And I couldn’t get out of work. He leaves in the morning for Houston, and is absolutely losing his mind with anxiety.

My phone was going to vibrate off of my desk, so I slipped it into the top drawer and turned my attention back to the clients in front of me.

“I’m so sorry about that, where were we?”

The young couple sat in the chairs in front of my desk, their expression cool and positive. They radiated happiness, love. Jared and Sarah Miller, newlyweds, and visibly elated to be buying their first home. Sarah’s belly sat heavy in her lap, thirty-six weeks into her pregnancy with their first baby.

Their house was closing next week, so we needed to discuss what all needed to be done prior and run their one last statement check.

“You can take that, if you need Mileena. We don’t mind waiting.” Sarah smiled at me warmly, and I felt a tug in my chest when I heard my phone vibrate again.

“Oh, it’s fi-“ Before I could finish, it stopped vibrating, only to begin again half a second later. “Uhm…”

I opened my drawer, looking down to see Noah’s face flashing once again.

“I’m so sorry, it’s my boyfriend. It may be an emergency if he’s calling this much.”

Jared stood up. “No worries! We can run to the car and get Sarah’s snacks, if you don’t mind we eat in here?”

I shook my head. “Not at all! I’ll only be a second.”

“Take your time.” Sarah chirped before they walked out of the office, the door latching behind them.

I slid the newest call open. “Why aren’t you answering?! Are you dying?!”

I had to pull the phone from my ear due to the sheer volume of his voice. “Noah, I’m at work. Not dying.”

“Oh.” His voice calmed down instantly. “Good, because I almost got worried.”

I snorted. “Almost? You’ve called me like, a hundred times!”

He chuckled. “It’s panic day?” He said defensively.

“Panic day or not, babe. I’m with clients.”

“Fuck! I’m sorry. I should’ve known.”

I glanced at my computer screen to a new Teams message.

Sam: Saw your clients left. Wanna get lunch?

I cringed.

Me: They’re coming back. And no, eating in.

I saw the indication he was typing pop up, but disappear a moment later with no new message.

“Listen, babe,” I brought my attention back to Noah. “How about I go to your place after work? I can grab food on the way?”

“I really should focus.”

I laughed. “Cause you’re doing such a great job.”

“You’re right.”

“I’ll see you about six. Love you.”

“Love you too, babe.”

And we ended the call right as Jared and Sarah walked back in.

I smiled widely and took a breath. “Crisis averted. Now, let’s get you guys this house.”

-

I sat cross-legged on Noah’s bed, pulling potstickers from the paper box in my hand. Noah was chewing on his food while his fingers clacked at his keyboard, sending last minute emails to his tour manager.

Rick and Morty played on the television, and I idly watched it while letting him have his space. ‘Just having you here makes me feel more calm’ is what he told me, so I’m just existing, letting him have his panic in peace.

Noah had gone to my house this afternoon and picked up Angel after we talked, bringing him back to his place so I didn’t have to stop home after work. I was almost convinced he loved that dog more than me. I’m okay with that.

Noah turned, chow mein noodle hanging out of his lips. I chuckled at the sight, and he turned his lips up in a goofy smile. He slurped the noodle in his mouth and licked his lips. As silly as he is, he��s still absolutely breathtaking.

His muscle shirt showed his arms that were slowly becoming more defined every time I really looked at them. Noah had been filling free time he had going to Muay Thai and Boxing classes, trying to keep off any unnecessary pounds he may put on from his sugar intake. The results were becoming…difficult to not appreciate.

“You done?”

He nodded, leaning back in his chair. “I think so. Nothing left to do but sleep.”

I nodded, satisfied. “Good.” I glanced at my watch, noticing it was already seven-thirty. The first forty-five minutes of me being here was spent trying to calm the anxiety and help him find his favorite jacket that somehow ended up in Jolly’s laundry hamper.

“We’ve got to head out in about an hour.”

His lips turned down in a frown. “Why?”

“I’ve got work in the morning, and you’re leaving at 4 in the morning. You need sleep.”

“Nuh-uh.”

I raised my eyebrow at him. “Noah, unless you have a show, you can barely stay conscious past 10PM. You still have to shower.”

He shrugged. “Don’t care.”

“Mkay, well I care. Because I also have to shower and decompress before bed.” I stood off the bed and piled the empty food containers into the bag they came in, walking it over to the garbage can.

“Take this out tonight, or it’ll be awful when you get back.”

He just stared at me, a look I couldn’t quite place on his face. It made me shift my weight under me, unsure of how to react.

“What? Do I have soy sauce on me?” I wiped at my face, but he just shook his head.

“No.” He then sighed heavily. “We’re going to be gone longer this time.”

My heart pulled. He was right. He’d be gone two and a half months this time, which shouldn’t be long, right? Three months went by so fast…

“I know. But, I’ll be at the show here in October. And you’ll be home a week after that, just in time for your birthday.”

He chewed his bottom lip. I walked over to him, stopping directly in front of his chair.

“Then we’ll spend the holidays together.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, his head leaning into my chest, his arms swallowing my waist. “Christmas, New Year, Thanksgiving.”

He would be going back on tour at the end of January, so we had to take what we could get.

“Can’t you just come with me?”

I chuckled. “I wish, baby.”

I pulled my arms back, gripping either side of his neck to bring his face up to mine, placing a soft kiss on his lips. His arms tightened around me and a soft moan hummed out of him.

“Now,” I pulled my face back and pushed him back into his chair. “sit there quietly, and let me give you your parting gift.”

I sunk down to my knees and watched while he lifted his brows at me, narrowing his eyes.

“Since when do I do what you tell me?” His tone was apprehensive.

I gazed up at him through my lashes, doing my best to look innocent while my hands unzipped his jeans.

“Since I have something you want.” I very dramatically licked my lips, leaving excess saliva on my bottom lip for effect.

He pursed his lips, and gave a curt nod of his head.

“Fair enough.”

-

I was wrong. I was so wrong. Two-and a half months was crawling. I would assume it felt that way since it had only been two weeks, but it felt like a year.

I had just hung up the phone, Noah having to head into sound check. My lunch break was close to over, so I was already sitting behind my desk, scrolling through emails while I waited for my next client to make their appointment.

My desk phone chimed, and I grabbed the receiver.

“Kline Home Lending, this is Mileena?”

“Are you not logged in to Teams?” Sam’s voice was sharp on the other end.

“I’m on lunch. I haven’t taken Do Not Disturb off yet.”

“Lex wants to see us. Didn’t say why. We need to go now.”

I straightened my back and checked the time. I only had twenty minutes until my next appointment. That didn’t matter, though. When Lex called, you went. He was the President of Kline, and he didn’t make appearances often.

I shot my client a quick text to wait for me in the lobby if I wasn’t back as I walked down the hallway behind Sam toward Lex’s office.

“What do you think he wants?”

Same didn’t turn to respond. “Don’t know. He just asked to see us two.”

What could he possibly need? I kept my nose down, sold my loans, and kept it pushing. I didn’t make waves. Sam, on the other hand…

“Ah! Thank you both for coming on short notice. I won’t keep you too long.”

Sam and I each took a seat in front of Lex’s desk. Our boss, a tall, older man with white hair and his shirt unbuttoned the top two buttons, stood up and rounded the desk, leaning against it.

“I’m certain you don’t know why I’ve brought you here.” We both just nodded. “Right, well I’ll get straight to it.”

He went back to his chair, sitting down and waking his computer. “I assume you’re both familiar with Shamrock Lending?”

“Aren’t they the company that just declared bankruptcy?” I furrowed my brow, my question making him nod.

“Nearly. They’ve backed out of that.” Sam and I looked at each other inquisitively. “We’re absorbing them, including their employees and client base.”

“Why?” Sam sounded unamused.

“Shamrock maintained a prestigious client-base and had great word of mouth. The pandemic killed the business, and with them having been such a small company to begin with, it didn’t cost us much. And now we can retain their clientele, including their celebrity accounts.” He had his chin resting in his hands. “They sold Kelly Clarkson a house last year.”

Sam snorted. “So, what does that have to do with us?”

I had to forcibly not roll my eyes at his disrespectful attitude.

Lex looked intrigued, staring directly at Sam.

“I’m glad you asked, Samuel.” The sound of his full name made Sam visibly straighten. “We need to do something to boost morale for their employees. Shamrock was a family-owned company so most of their staff are…less than thrilled at coming over to Kline.”

“I could understand that.” I empathized.

“Exactly. So we are going to arrange for a company event, something to lighten the spirits. Eating, drinking, and overall merriment.” He pointed at us. “Oh, and live music! That always gets people excited.”

He stood again. “I need you both to organize it. You’re my top performers, so I trust you both to be able to arrange something within the next week or so.”

My eyes widened. We had to what?!

“With all due respect sir, but when you say organize?”

“Find a venue, get catering, hire a band, all that jazz.”

“My family has an estate on a vineyard in Escondido. Perfect for this.” Sam was now smiling confidently. Kiss ass.

Lex snapped. “Wonderful! We need this ready happen by the end of September. The merge is effective as of October 1st.”

I’m so fucked.

-

The following seven days had been a blur. A long, exhausting, frustrating blur. I had to reschedule so many appointments so Sam and I could work on the event.

Venue was no issue, but we needed catering, entertainment, staff, decorations, which is what Sam and I were currently arguing over.

The amount of arguing we had done over the last week had drained everything out of me. Spending this much time with him was absolutely ungodly. He was so difficult to tolerate, his bravado and over enthusiastic flirting got so far under my skin I could feel it in my bones.

“We need a theme!”

“It’s not junior prom, Sam! We don’t need casino night!”

He scoffed, pacing over the floor in my office while I sat, my fingertips rubbing my temples.

“So it’s just a ‘Hey we get you hate us, but get drunk and have salmon’ party?!’

We were interrupted by the door opening, Chrissy, the janitor, coming to clean my office.

“Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you guys were gone.” She backed out and closed the door.

“Jesus Christ, what time is it?” I checked my watch. “Ugh, it’s already seven. I’ve got to go.”

“No, no, we need to finish this. The event is in three days.” He pulled his phone out. “I’m ordering some pizza.”

I stood up in protest. “As fun as that sounds, I’ve got to go walk my dog. Or he’ll piss in the house.”

He locked his phone and gave me a disgusting grin. “No worries, we can just finish at your place.”

My face must have mimicked my disdain because he only smiled wider. I groaned and sat back down.

“Fine. Let’s just finish it.”

I finally swung my front door open at 9PM, exhaustion and agitation fueling me the entire ride home. Angel met me at the door, eyes big, obviously concerned for my whereabouts. He's never left alone quite this long, more so these last few months with Noah picking him up nearly every day.

"Hey baby." He barked in response while I kicked my heels off. "I'm so sorry I was gone so long."

He ran to the back door in response. I dropped my bag right there on the floor, slipping my slides on and striding to let Angel out.

I stepped outside with him, watching as he disappeared near the trees in the corner of the yard, undoubtedly relieving himself. I stayed on the wooden porch, flopping down into the wooden chair at the table. I slipped a single cigarette out of the pack next to the ashtray and lit the end with a match. I didn't indulge in my nicotine habit often, only in times of severe stress. I bought a pack the day I learned of the event and had smoked one each night after work.

I hadn't told Noah that.

This reminded me that I hadn't heard from him all day. I slipped my phone out of my pocket, taking a long drag from my smoke.

I pressed call as soon as I found his name in my recent list, noticing our last phone call was yesterday afternoon. We hadn't talked hardly at all since Sunday, when the shows became more frequent and my work started taking up all my damn time. Our nightly calls had been skipped a few times now, and we mostly communicated over text. Until now, I hadn't noticed how badly I missed him until I saw his contact photo show up when the phone rang; a picture of him sleeping, Angel stretched out over his stomach, snoozing comfortably on my bed.

I put the phone on speaker and set it on the table, leaning back in my chair.

"Hello?" His voice that came through was loud. There was a ton of background noise and voices. There was also some kind of music. Music I didn't recognize - heavy bass drums, some kind of high-pitched synth, with rhythmic reverb. Club music?

"Hey babe. What're you doing?" I could hear shuffling on the other end.

"What?" He couldn't hear me. "Hang on, babe. One sec." The phone then went completely silent, evidently muted.

After a few moments, I could hear sound again, but it was much quieter. "Hey babe, I'm sorry. I couldn't hear shit in there."

"What are you doing?" My voice was sharp, which I wasn't sure if it was due to me being wildly suspicious all of a sudden, or the frustration bleeding over from work.

"Oh, uh, after the show the guys wanted to stop off at this place on our way back to the hotel." His voice sounded intentionally nonchalant.

"What kind of place?"

He was quiet. Too fucking quiet.

"Babe, don't freak out." He sighed heavily. "It's a bar, and look-"

"You're at a fucking bar?!" I stood up, dropping my cigarette into the ashtray.

"Babe, please don't yell at me." I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose, forcibly evening out my voice.

"Noah, why the hell are you at a bar?" I said through gritted teeth.

"It's one of the guys' in ERRA's birthday tonight. We're just here to celebrate. I'm going to be fine." He was annoyed, I could hear it. I was 'sponsor'-ing him, but I didn't fucking care.

"Please don't drink, Noah." He groaned.

"I won't, Leena." His voice was slightly venomous. This bothered me. How could he not understand why I was upset by this? It was a valid fucking reason to be upset. He was right on top of earning his 6-month chip.

"Good. Because I swear to God, I will snatch those chips away from you so fucking fast."

He didn't even breathe. "Nick is here. He'll keep me straight."

"He's not drinking?"

"No."

"Okay." I sat back down.

"I'll call you when I get back to the hotel and after I shower."

"Okay." I picked my cigarette back up. "I love you."

"Love you too." Click. My heart tugged. It felt wrong.

When he finally called me, I was already half asleep. I had showered, finished getting ready for bed, and began fading while watching Supernatural. It was typically unheard of for me to pass out so early, but I was positively exhausted.

My phone began singing next to my face, and I moaned in defeat. I just wanted to be unconscious.

"Hey." My voice was thick with sleep.

"Hey, were you sleeping?" His voice sounded pretty sleepy too. It was past his bedtime.

"I was, but I'm fine." I sat up in bed. I ran a hand over Angel, who was now sound asleep in Noah's spot on my bed.

"Mmm. How was your day?"

I leaned back on my pillows, yawning. "It was long. Had to stay late again."

"With Sam?"

This made me snap to attention. The bite in his tone startled me. "Yeah, unfortunately."

"Hmm." He was making a lot of humming noises tonight. "Been spending a lot of time with him, yeah?"

You're fucking kidding. Noah was not getting jealous...of Shithead Sam?!

"Not voluntarily. We just had to get this event worked out."

"And did you?" He was still so serious. Nothing like what I was used to with Noah.

"Yes." My words were slow, still in disbelief at his attitude. "The event is on Saturday over in the valley. I'll be driving down there Saturday morning to make sure it gets set up."

"Well, I'm sure he'll meet you there."

I had about enough.

"Noah, what's your problem?" I was serious now, over whatever bullshit game it was he was playing.

"I don't have one." He paused. "Do you?"

Is he instigating an argument? "I didn't think so, but you're acting weird." I sighed. "I don't like it."

I heard him breathe, a sigh, maybe? "I'm sorry."

I didn't respond.

"I don't know, I just don't like that guy."

I sat up, pausing the television. "I know you don't. Neither do I. But why be rude to me over it?"

"Well, you spending so much time with him bothers me."

"...and?" I furrowed my brow, bewildered. "I can't help that we got put on this project together."

He snickered. "I mean..." He trailed off.

"What?" I dared him.

"You could have said no."

My jaw dropped. Was he for fucking real? "How do you figure? The President of the company I work for tells me to organize an event, and I just...what? Decline?"

"Pretty much."

I shook my head, absolutely flabbergasted. "Are you fucking joking?" My voice was raised.

"I asked you not to yell at me."

I swung my legs over the bed and began pacing. "Well, that's hard to do when you're acting like this."

"Like what?" His voice was so even, so calm. It was getting under my skin.

"Like a jealous boyfriend!"

He was silent for a minute. "Am I not?"

"Oh my fucking God, Noah! You have nothing to be jealous about!" I was now laughing, but not because it was funny, but because it was so ridiculous. "The guy is fucking putrid!"

"So I've heard." That evenness in his tone was going to kill me, or get him killed if I get my hands on him. I knew that bullshit. It was manipulative, which up until this point, I didn't think Noah was. He had never acted like this before.

"Noah, you don't fucking get it. He's the opposite of attractive. He reminds me of my ex." I had never admitted that before, to him or myself. I didn't think about him often.

"Right, yeah. The ex-boyfriend you never want to talk about. Got it." There was a slight inflection in his voice. Good. At least I know he isn't a robot.

He was just a fucking asshole.

My voice was calm now, still as standing fucking water. "That's correct."

"Leaves me with lots of questions, Mileena."

Who the fuck was this douchebag on the phone with me? What piece of garbage was I talking to? It wasn't Noah. Not my Noah.

"I'm hanging up." My hand was shaking now.

"Sure, yeah, ignore the problem." He was getting worked up. I couldn't tell if that was better or worse.

"No, I'm just not letting this go any further." I took a breath to keep voice even. "You should get some rest."

"No, c'mon, let's talk about it! You always want to know about me and my fucking skeletons in the closet! Where's yours? What's the big fucking secret? Why do I have to pull fucking teeth to get you to fucking talk about your ex? Or your drinking? Or anything fucking personal?!" He was full-blown screaming now, and I was frozen solid.

He wasn't wrong. I always avoided talking about Jeremy, at all God damn costs. He enabled my drinking, he set back my sobriety, and that was the mild stuff.

"Noah...please stop." My voice was cracking now.

"Whatever. So much for a trusting fucking relationship."

That was it. That broke the dam. That sent me spiraling.

"Are you fucking KIDDING me?! You call me, start a fucking fight, and then have the audacity to say I can't be trusted you fucking bastard?! Why? Because I don't want to talk about the asshole that drove me to drink because he was abusing me so badly?! Who slapped me around so much that only the alcohol made it bearable?! Back when I tried to kill myself, couldn't because I was so God damn drunk, and ended up going back to him because he convinced me no one else would ever love me?!"

I couldn't stop. He flipped the switch and you can't just undo that.

"Fuck you, Noah! Fuck you and your bullshit jealousy and trust issues!" Tears were streaming down my face, blurring my vision. Somewhere, I felt Angel's nose pressing into the side of my leg. "Now go the fuck to sleep before I tell you to go to hell instead!"

I ended the call, before he could respond. My shaky hands frantically turned my phone off before I could receive a text or a call back.

-

I had put my phone on vibrate all day Friday, spending the majority of the day in my bed sulking. I didn't want to talk to anyone; Laura, my Dad, most importantly, Noah. Anytime I thought about it, I started crying. I laid in bed, only getting up to let Angel out and get snacks from the kitchen. I laid in bed, watching comedy movies to try and relieve my mind.

It wasn't until I woke up Saturday morning that I finally read all of the missed texts.

The night of the fight:

Noah: Leena I'm such a fcking asshole. I'm sorry. Pleese call me back.

Noah: Babe I don't even know what got into m please.

Noah: Yourr phone is going straigt to voicemail. I guess you turned it off. I'm going to sleep now. I love you. Call me please?

Friday morning:

Noah: Is your phone back on?

Noah: Guess not.

Noah: Leena, please call me. I feel sick thinking about how dumb I was being. I promise I will never do that again. I swear. Please just respond to me.

Nick: Leena, Noah won't stop asking me to text you. Please call him.

Noah: I'm about to cancel the show tonight and fly home. Please Leena.

Noah: Nick said I can't cancel the show. Too short notice. Please call me. I need to hear your voice.

Friday evening:

Noah: Look, I've tried really hard to be patient but I'm starting to freak out. Babe, please. I was stupid. I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever do anything like that again. I have no idea what got into me.

Noah: I'm going to quit texting now. I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry. Call me when you're ready. I love you so much, more than you'll ever know Leena. Always.

I sighed hard. I wasn't angry anymore, mostly just hurt. I really wanted Noah to be different, but after the way he was talking, it was hard to believe. Nothing made sense. In five months, he had not spoken like that to me at all. He was always so laid back, even about things that bothered him.

Something was wrong. Something was different.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to ponder it, as I had to get ready to drive to Escondido and get this hellscape of a day over with.

I decided to send him a response, but not give too much.

Me: I love you too. We'll talk tonight. Have a good show.

-

All things considered, the vineyard was absolutely stunning. The event was exactly how we planned, music elegant but still upbeat. The food was high-class, Kline sparing no expense. People were swaying and mingling, their drinks from the open bar settling nicely into their systems.

I was stood on a hill just out of sight of the happenings down by the massive estate home, overlooking the winery. Vines upon vines of grapes grew, causing such an incredible landscape while the sun began to set over the hills. It soothed the ache in my soul.

I heard footsteps approaching behind me, and gauging the weight of them, I rolled my eyes, knowing my moment was spoiled.

"Too good for the party?" I sighed. Sam's voice was the same as always, condescending and arrogant.

I turned, my long, olive green dress twisting at the skirt. "Nope, just taking a breather."

"Is it hard? Being around people drinking?" For once, he didn't sound like he was being judgmental, and it caught me off guard.

I shook my head lightly. "No. Not really anymore."

He nodded, standing next to me with his hands in his pockets.

"Hell of a view."

I shrugged. "It is."

He nudged my shoulder, gesturing over to a stable to his left. "Want to go see the horses?"

I smirked. "I'm okay, thank you."

He narrowed his eyes at me playfully. "C'mon, girl. Everyone loves horses!"

I chuckled. I contemplated this for a moment. I do love horses, having ridden many when I was younger.

Sam began stalking toward the barn, waving me along. "Just for a minute. You'll love them!"

I rolled my eyes, but still, I stomped after him, my heels nearly sinking into the grass beneath me.

He pulled the door open, the familiar smell of hay and feed hitting me in the nostrils. It was a comforting smell, reminding me of the horses my Dad helped tend when I was a little girl.

He walked into one of the stalls. "This one," he pulled on a rein, a stunning black horse peering out of the stall. I was drawn, walking up to her and smiling. "is mine. Her name is Onyx."

Her large nose pressed into my hand. I ran a hand up her face, reveling in the feel of her silky fur.

"She's amazing." I was in awe.

"Yeah, she's a good girl. Rides like a champ." I nodded.

"I'll bet she does." I backed away from her, peering over at Sam.

"You want to see another?" I nodded, a soft smile on my face.

He waved me down the stable, opening a stall at the end. "Come on."

I didn't see a horse, but I stepped in front of the door, confused. Sam was gone, and the stall was empty. I took a step forward just beyond the door, puzzled.

"Sam?"

It was at that exact second, a hand clapped over my mouth from behind, and a large, thick arm came to snake around me around the waist, holding my arms down to my sides and pulling me in close.

Sam had me pinned, his body pressed against my back, as I began writhing and struggling beneath him. Oh no. No, no, no, no.

I struggled as hard as I could, working my arms around in an attempt to get free. I felt his breath on the side of my face, his voice low and hushed.

"Shh, hang on there, girl. Wouldn't want anyone to know we're in here." I screamed against his hand, forcing him to clamp down harder, giving the feeling that my jaw may break.

Please, fucking, please, no.

"You've been playing this 'hard to get' bullshit for so long. It was about time we finally made it happen, huh?"

His hand over my mouth slid down to my neck, squeezing so tight that my vision began turning fuzzy.

I choked hard, trying like hell to get words out. "S-Sam, please, d-don't."

He had turned us around, pushing me against the wall of the stable. His hand that wasn't holding my throat was roaming up my skirt, his giant palm under my dress and tugging at my underwear. I thrashed again, trying like hell to get an inch so I could slip out of his grasp. It was futile. He had me, I was trapped.

I felt his fingers slipping into the hem of my panties, sneaking underneath. His hands violated me, making hot tears pour out of my eyes. I squeezed them shut, trying to just focus on having enough air to stay conscious. If I pass out, it's over.

I ignored his hands on me, and focused. His feet. His feet were the only shot I had.

I shifted my weight onto my other leg, realizing his was immediately behind mine, using both legs to keep mine spread.

I lifted my foot, and with as much force as I could muster, I jammed my heel into top of his foot, causing him to jump back, his hands releasing me at once. Without hesitation, once my arms were free, I reached my elbow back, connecting it with his face. I felt something crunch beneath my arm, but I didn't care.

As soon as he was no longer on top of me, I ran. I booked straight out of the barn, my vision slowly returning.

I was running back toward the party, up the hill. That's when I stopped. My dress was ripped on the strap, my hair was tangled up, and my makeup had to be running down my face. I was a mess. I looked insane.

I had to get the hell out.

I began sprinting to the parking lot, passing several people on my way but not stopping. I ran to my car that, thankfully, I had left unlocked, keys in the visor. I turned the engine over and tore out of the parking lot.

I didn't care that I blew past multiple stop signs. I pulled onto the interstate and drove. I drove until I couldn't see the winery behind me. Until I could barely see at all because my eyes were watering so badly. My breathing was so sporadic. My hands were screaming with how tight I had been gripping the steering wheel.

I finally snapped out of my state, realizing I needed to stop.

I pulled off on the next exit, finding a rest stop just off the highway and pulled into the parking lot. I sat there, staring out of the windshield, tears streaming, trying to calm my breathing.

It took me a moment to realize I had stopped, and for my brain to begin functioning again.

I picked up my phone, opening it and ignoring texts and missed calls and going straight to my contacts.

I pressed 'Call' and waited for the line to pick up.

"Hey babes, what's up?" Laura's voice rang through the line.

"I need help."

[teddybearsandspaceships]

Notes for another Cleo stream, this one from April Fools. (Cleo has been uploading VODs again \o/ so it will probably be available on Youtube soon! Still available on Twitch here.) Featuring Real Life talk and permit office shenanigans with Grian, Scar, Etho, and Pearl.

Cleo reads out a message congratulating them on the Real Life win only a minute into the stream [making life hard for the mods, who pin a message not to talk about spoilers, as usual ^^]

Cleo´s opinion on if their win is canon: “Why wouldn´t it be real? Why wouldn´t it be?” The test, going by TV series rules: if the special gets mentioned in a later episode it´s canon.

They discovered the allays having coffee at the kitty café that False put there :D

Apparently the group was initially concerned if people would be mad, but they were still making content. The “April Fools” part was just that it was a one-off.

In-game chat: Grian announces the permit office is open. Special opening hours for April 1st! Pearl and Cleo are immediately suspicious and say it sounds like a trap. Joel says that Grian is actually nice to day (but on midnight he turns back into a nightmare.) Cleo is not at all convinced.

About Real Life: ~"the first thing everybody did was wave to each other, and dance, and give hugs, and I think that says a lot"

Pearl apparently had a 0/10 experience at the permit office. The permit office is closed again. nobody is surprised.

After the recording, Scar mentioned that he was told he should get a lap belt too… Scar is not Scar-safe. Cleo is frequently concerned/worried about Scar, which is only appropriate. "I´m not worried he´s gonna hurt himself, I´m worried he´s gonna, just, tear down the fabric of society.” "He´s a special little sausage, and also needs poking with sticks on a regular basis. Like big sticks – not little sticks, massive, massive sticks."

ooh apparently three glass permits are up for grabs! Grian, Scar, Cleo, Etho, and Pearl have a discussion in front of the permit office. Very soon this involves talking about loopholes to the permit office rules, but Grian tells them to stop it, he will just make up more rules. Pearl says she might be an NPC, Cleo says AI is not that advanced. Scar has skins, hats, and plans for him and Skizz has permit enforcers, but no spoilers

They looked at the permit office and the backrooms, listened to some unsettling music, and then started talking about cooking (more specifically Scar started talking about his meat. That he cooked, as Etho was glad to hear him clarify.) Grian thinks Etho would eat grey sludge nutrition paste.

Etho´s daily sandwich: a foot-long baguette, provelone cheese, hungarian salami, lettuce, tomatoes, salt and pepper, balsamic vinegar-based dressing. With dill pickles on the side. Grian calls it the most gourmet sandwich. "The more I learn the more I both admire and get confused.” Etho doesn´t understand the big deal [tbh neither do I? It´s a sandwich.] Scar says it´s because of how mysterious Etho is. Etho considers dramatizing everything part of the job as a youtuber.

"being tortured by Grian is fun, right? Right?" - Cleo

What would be Cleo´s mission if someone had created her? Pearl: to burn things down? Cleo asked if she´s burned down things recently. Etho: "She´s a trap door flipper."

repeated discussions about if Pearl is an AI or not

"you don´t have to be an NPC if you don´t want to, you can break your programming" - killing Cleo, however, would not be unexpected. Pearl has already stabbed her in the heart repeatedly. Not in Real Life! They were together that series. [Is it just me or does Pearl´s “yeeah…” sound a little more hesitant ^^]

Bonus: Cleo contemplates stealing cOW

[khaleesiofalicante]

About the TLND Sequel...

First and foremost, thank you - for all the asks and the kind words. Your messages and ongoing interest mean the world to me, and I genuinely appreciate each and every one of them.

I understand there have been many inquiries about this and I apologize for not being able to respond to all of them individually. I'll address it here instead.

To clarify, what I have is merely an idea— a nucleus scene and some classic music that sparked this whole thing. There's no assurance that it will evolve into a fic. If such a plan materializes, you'll be the first to know.

Some time back, I mentioned an interest in writing about a deeply personal subject— rape/sexual violence. This is a topic I work on (in my professional life) on a daily basis. As you're aware, my writing often aims to educate my audience, in whatever capacity I can. Unfortunately, there are numerous misconceptions surrounding rape/SA, even among survivors, owing to the pervasive misinformation in the world. This is why I wanted to write about it. A story not just touching upon it as a plot point, but delving into it comprehensively. It deserves this kind of attention, I think.

The potential for a sequel, if it happens, would center on Minerva and this challenging theme. I'm fully aware that some readers may find this unsettling, and that's a sentiment I've confronted before. However, this wasn't a conscious decision on my part; rather, it came to me randomly and it felt right. Should a sequel materialize, it would revolve around Minerva (and her family) navigating the journey of healing. I can assure you that, irrespective of the storyline, her parents and siblings will stand by her with unwavering support—a privilege not often granted to survivors.

As I said, it's angsty. But it's also difficult. That's the right word for it, I think. Difficult. It's difficult to read and it's going to be so very difficult to write. Keeping this in mind, I really don't want to go through the bullshit I did last time with TLND where people take sides and get EXTREMELY opinionated on how the characters should react. I';'m not willing to deal with that kind of bullying for a story like this.

Nevertheless, this topic holds profound significance for me. So, I do hope I find the strength to write it. The key thing to me is that this story is affirming. That's an important word/concept we must learn. If we see characters like malec and rafe and max and all our favourites affirming such an experience, I feel like it could be helpful - whether you've been through something like this or not.

You know I never write a sequel if I didn't plan for it in the beginning, but as always, I listen to my characters and not the other way around. So, if this story is adamant and demands to be told, I will of course write it. I don't know when and how, but I will do my best. Until then, please be patient with me.

With love and gratitude, Dani

[madameaug]

Promise Me || Bucky x Black Reader

Synopsis: This occurs maybe about a year after the events of Captain America: Civil War. The reader is a black woman and should be imagined as such :) Bucky is 37, and the reader is ideally 32/33.

Very angsty (reader and bucky are getting a divorce). Not edited at the moment. First non-BTS imagine/fic so I'm super nervous. I love Marvel too <3

I didn't think forever for us would end so soon. Four years seemingly going down the drain. Two years of dating, eight months of engagement, and barely a year of marriage. I felt like I was giving up. Quitting. Like I wasn't honoring my vows.

Til death do us part.

But when I took those vows I believed I was giving them to James Buchanan Barnes. Who I lovingly refer to as Bucky. A man a slightly older than me, but didn't look a day over thirty. He was the man that I envisioned as a little girl marrying.

A man who was tall, easy on the eyes, with a look of danger, but a heart of gold. Bucky had the perfect mix of both. A veteran turned firefighter. He risked his life daily, saving those in a life-or-death situation. He was second chances, personified for these people. He was a light of hope in the darkness of succumbing to a burning fate. He was a hero.

A hero.

A hero more in the literal sense than what I could have possibly imagined.

Bucky Barnes wasn't a thirty-seven-year-old man who was technologically challenged. Not a man who liked listening to music artist from the 1930s. He was sophisticated and romantic.

Doll was his favorite name to call me. Initially, I thought he was just trying to hard not to use generic pet names like 'baby' or 'bae'. Or that maybe his fascination with the olden days carried into his pet names for his girlfriends. But now I wish the truth was that easy and simple to understand. It didn't involve decades of high-profile assassinations and the bringing down of governments.

One man could bring down an entire government regime.

And that man, is my husband?

My James?

My Bucky?

The man sitting across from me in this stuffy monochrome conference room. Well the conference room was quite large. It's just the tension was sucking out any air circulation.

When I took my vows to James Barnes, I hadn't realized I said them to this 'Winter Soldier' to. A man wanted by hundreds of countries for international crimes that date back to the Kennedy administration. A man hunted down by the Black Panther for killing the king of the most powerful nation.

No, surely there was a mistake.

But I would be foolish to argue with evidence. Pictures of his stalky figure I curled up to several times at night. Blue eyes were the portals to his true thoughts. Shoulder-length hair I raked my fingers through mindlessly when listening to him recount his twelve-hour shift at the station. His wardrobe wasn't anything special, which explains why he could slip under the radar for so long.

That was him. He was responsible but not at the same time. Fourteen hours after being interrogated by Maria Hill, I better understood the double life Bucky The Winter Soldier had been living. Believed to be dead by the Allies, he was held hostage by Karpov, who brainwashed him and tortured him until he became the Winter Soldier. Breaking his mind, and piecing him back together to become he perfect killing machine in human form.

Helmut Zemo managed to get his hands on the book containing the words that activate the Winter Solider. He awakened the monster and manipulated him into the bombings that killed King T'Chaka. He used the Winter Solider to effectively divide and dissolve the Avengers. Zemo was responsible for taking away the Bucky that I knew. The hero.

"I'm glad you and your client could be civil and agree to our demands." Your lawyer, Jennifer Walters, spoke. You and Bucky's lawyer had been talking for twenty minutes, but you couldn't focus on their legal jargon. You were tuned out, tracing your steps on how you and Bucky were sitting in this office. On the opposite end of the table, staring at each other as if we'd become opponents. No longer players on the same team.

Bucky's eyes dragged across to scan Jennifer's face. In his heart he held no misplaced hatred for the woman. She was a professional doing her job, representing the interest of her client. He didn't spend long reading the lists of things that you wanted from the marriage.

The house was yours, he wouldn't dare try to live in that house if you weren't there. It wasn't good for him to stay in open spaces, for too long it freaked him out.

Most of your demands were reasonable and he put up no fight. He didn't want to fight with you. When he finally got his head on straight, he wanted to explain his disappearance. He wanted to be the first person to tell you about the Soviets and the Winter Soldier Program. He wanted to tell you about the bad things that he's done, but his memory was a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. He wasn't sure if you would believe him, until he had all the pieces. When he did come across a piece, he was scared that it would show more harm than he did.

Confirming his belifs that he wasn't worthy of a second chance. That he could find happiness living a solo mundane life. Even with his slow aging, he could blend in his environment and live a good life. He would keep intact what little of his humanity he had left. But after Zemo got his hands on him again that little sliver of his humanity was gone. He was a tool designed for slaughter and destruction. Becoming a firefighter saving people wouldn't undo all the lives he took. Marrying you, the love of his life, wouldn't give him the normalcy he sought. He was reminded of that every time he looked down and saw the metal arm. The brute strength granted him the ability to kill with ease. The same metal arm that would now be a reminder of everything he was getting ready to lose with his wife.

The lawyers summarized the documents, and everything signed up to this point. The deed to the house, papers to change your last name, insurance paperwork, everything was discussed. Bucky even took it upon himself to hand you his 401k from firefighting.

Never had the lawyers seen a divorce proceeding go so smoothly. Usually, they have to clear out the rest of their calendars for divorce calendars. Would today be the day that they get out before the late lunch rush? Oh, let it be true.

Jennifer was smart in her word choice. Avoiding the emotional minefields that the couple has. The room was somber, as you shared your emotional hardships. Dealing with the sudden disappearance of your husband. Preparing for a funeral without a body, dreading adopting the label as a widower. Becoming behind on the mortgage and personal family issues flaring up.

Even though it was emotionally heavy, it was easy to formulate the words. You thought long and hard about what you wanted to say. However, you didn't truly have the words for the physical hardship, which was much more challenging to hide. Your right wrist in a sling. A fracture of the ulna and three smaller bones. The one place Bucky has been fighting with himself not to look.

From an instance of right place, wrong time. It would be your first time revealing the details of your broken wrist out loud. Even when Jennifer asked, you were short with your explanation. But looking at Bucky for probably the last time, you were moved by emotion. Emotions of hurt, frustration, and sorrow.

"I see that you haven't signed the restraining order." You gathered your tone to sound as unemotional and far removed as possible.

"Why?"

"I'm not signing it."

The tension in the room deepens as this is the first time you have directly spoken to Bucky. Your lawyers were doing a lot of the communicating for you.

He didn't want to word vomit his emotions and potentially mispeak. Widening the divide between the two. So he opted to sit in silence, letting his heartbreak in silence. Divorce from the only woman he ever loved was going to take a lifetime to heal. On top of that, a restraining order would send him to an early grave.

"What? I thought you agreed to all of our terms."

"That's why I wanted to talk in person. I cant get myself to agree to this. I can't."

Bucky sat across from you with a plea in his eyes. He didn't want to let go of the connection he spent four years building with you. His heart and mind fought each other for days when he got the divorce paperwork. His heart wanted to fight for the marriage. Fight for the sacred union yall made in front of your friends and family. Fight for the love he knew deep down that you still had for him. But his mind hit him with the harsh truth. You weren't safe around him. Having all these enhanced abilities, having this metal arm could protect you. That it wasn't a curse, but a blessing in disguise.

But that wasn't true. And his brain reminded him of that fact with a mental image of your arm in the sling.

It was before Steve managed to track down Bucky's coordinates to that apartment building. When he was still hiding in plain sight. You just happened to be there. Browsing different vendors, as it was the city was hosting a market.

Bucky was right beside you, you knew his scent from anywhere. And the fact that his head slightly turned in your direction, upon calling him confirmed it.

"Buck is that you?"

You raised a hand to touch his face. "It's me. Remember?" His metal hand gripped yours tightly. His hand clapped down on your wrist, leaving you at the mercy of his strength.

You attempted to snatch your hand back. Eyes swelled with tears, as the pain was escalating. Buck remained silent, as he twisted your wrist, to an almost 180 point.

"STOP IT! JAMES STOP!" Your shriek brought unnecessary attention to him. In a frustrated grunt, he huffed before completing the snap. He walked off into the crowd without looking back at you. Those eyes that were the portals to reading his mind was closed. There was nothing behind those eyes. Even in the presence of his wife, his eyes didn't change. I was a stranger. A stranger that he could very easily hurt with little provocation.

Holding onto your broken wrist you were soon comforted by a stand manager. He got you up on your feet and walked you in the direction of the nearest medical aid.

"Please, Bucky. Let this be a clean break. It's for the best."

"The best for who?" His voice a mixture of frustration and vulnerability. "I've been through a lot. We've been through a lot. I want to fight for us. This restraining order snuffs out any chance of us rekindling this."

"We've changed Bucky. The world has changed. I need a fresh start, and I think you need one too."

"You are my fresh start. Don't you see!?" Bucky couldn't go into much detail. His lawyer was unaware of his assassin's past. He was more skeptical than ever about what details he shared about his personal life. Lawyer, doctor, psychiatrist or not. There could be more Zemo's looking to play puppet master with his mind.

"Think about your safety."

The lawyers attempt to mediate. They could sense that something was being left out of the conversation. Something that was connected to your arm in the sling. You were standing firm in your position to sever any ties to Bucky. This was the best decision for the both of you.

Bucky didn't have to worry about his superhero work trickling into his personal life. Not having to worry if some vengeful villain would come searching for you, and harm you to even out the score with Bucky. It was just another concern that didn't have to cloud his mind.

While you wouldn't have to worry about Bucky not coming back home. Getting the news from SHIELD agents that Bucky had died protecting the world from some global threat. The heartache would be too much.

"This is getting us nowhere. Did you and your client really come here to waste our time?"

"Mr. Barnes is just as entitled to getting all of his demands met.

The lawyers started bickering. The couple with actual grounds of argue sitting in silence. You spoke up first, your raised voice silencing the room.

"I'm not asking you to change who you are. I know you've been through a lot. And it is a lot." You reached your hand out to grasp his. You wanted to convey that your heart was full of love for Bucky. You could see a broken and scared man in front of you. A man with more skeletons in his closet than you would like to imagine. But you loved him. And with that love, you had to make the tough choices for both of you.

"You need space and time to collect yourself. Fight those battles in your mind. Get better and heal."

A singular tear runs down your cheek and hits the wooden table as you continue spilling your heart out.

"I love you. I love all of you, and I forgive you. You were unwell and need true help. As much as I want to remove that pain from you, I know that I can't. My love isn't enough. Sometimes love requires letting go. Let me go. Please."

"Even when I was sick, I still had dreams of you. I couldn't make out your face, but I found myself reliving our dates. The time I took you to the drive-thru movies. You said I made you feel like you were in high school again. Or the time I accidentally used all your leave in conditioner on wash day.

Then I started dreaming of a family with you. Raising mini versions of ourselves away from the chaos my life brought. The woods were our backyard, and we were happy. With you I was happy. I still want to make that dream a reality. I'm willing to give up anything to ensure our future."

You listened to his plea. You could tell he was genuine. He would if he could give up his enhanced abilities to be with you. No doubt about it. However, you knew that Bucky was meant for something greater. When he was a soldier who fought the good fight. He was destined to be a hero. A would-be alongside Captain America, fighting threats the world doesn't know about. Ensuring that we live in a world, where us regular people wouldn't have to.

"I can't be the reason you give that up, Buck." You said gently. "It's a part of who you are. Even when you've made mistakes, I've seen you try to right your wrongs. That's the Bucky I know, the hero."

The room was silent again filled with emotion. Bucky had to come to terms that yall were on different paths. Two paths diverged into a left and right. That even under the premise of love, you were right. Bucky was too vulnerable. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened. The Winter Soldier was an ugly part of him that he had to live with. He has to make room for that identity instead of pretending it never existed.

He would be working with Steve and Sam Wilson on hunting down any of the remaining Winter Soldiers. He was thrusting himself into danger. Danger that he didn't want you to be apart of, danger that he felt responsible to end.

You leaned over to whisper in Jennifer's ears. Maybe the restraining order was too much. You were making a rash decision that you may come to regret in the future. Jennifer following the request of her client, placed the restraining order papers in the shredder.

"My client had a change of mind." She stood up packing up all the signed papers in her briefcase.

"Well all the paperwork is signed, our work is done here."

The divorce meeting came to a close and both parties went their separate ways. There you stood discussing the next steps with Jennifer. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky alone. He waited at the bottom of the stairs.

Jennifer took her cue to dismiss herself. With your eyes low, you carefully walked down the courthouse steps to stand before Bucky.

"Promise me we will find a way back to each other."

"I can't promise that Bucky. And you shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

"I would keep that promise. I would stake my life on it." He brought your left hand to his chest. Your wedding ring still on your finger. You hadn't thought about when you would take it off.

"Promise me." His lips were a few inches away from yours. Your eyes were conversing in another language of their own. Saying their goodbyes, and final 'I love yous.'

You brought Bucky into your arms. Arms wrapping around his shoulder as you cried silently to yourself. Bucky tightened his arms around you, his warms rubbing circles in your back. A hypnotizing pattern that would put you to sleep. It was settling over the both of you that this could be the last time that you held one another like this.

You let go of the hug first. Your hand on his chiseled face again. This time not worried that he would harm you again.

"I love you." You laid a tender kiss on his lips. Capturing your affection and goodbyes.

"Promise me." Bucky spoke during the kiss. "Promise me Doll."

You placed your thumb over his lip. You looked deep into his eyes. He was hanging onto every word that you said. Bucky's phone rings, breaking the staring contest you had. To no ones surprise, Steve was on the other end. A bitter reminder of the double life that Bucky was apart of.

"I need to hear you say it."

"I promise."

Bucky leaves a passing kiss on your lips before walking away from the courthouse. He picked up the phone, walking with haste. In a few short seconds, a red-headed woman joined him on his side.

My hero.

My Bucky.

[discar]

HZD Terraforming Base-001 Text Communications Network

Chapter 38 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

Icarus: What IS that awful racket?

HIMBO: MUSIC!

Icarus: ...no. It's not.

SilverVixen: Is it pre-Zero Day music? Or did you somehow manage to record something contemporary?

HIMBO: IT WAS MADE BY A COUPLE PEOPLE WORKING ON A DAM. THE PLACE THAT ENDED UP BEING BANUK TERRITORY.

FlameHairSavior: Yellowstone National Park.

HIMBO: YEAH, I THINK I SAW THAT NAME. ANYWAY, I DON'T THINK ANYONE ELSE HEARD IT BESIDES THE LADIES WHO MADE IT. THEY USED THE ENTIRE DAM AS AN INSTRUMENT, SO IT'S TOO BAD NO ONE ELSE KNEW ABOUT THEM.

SilverVixen: Oh God, you've discovered indie music.

DIVINER: Oh my Ancestors, you're right!

HIMBO: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU GUYS DON'T APPRECIATE TRUE ART.

DIVINER: And he's even a music snob like a true indie fan!!

SilverVixen: I'm tempted to show you some of the classics.

DIVINER: Ummm... does that actually WORK? Or does it just make him a bigger snob?

SilverVixen: Point.

Icarus: Why are you even playing it out loud? You can set it to private easily. In fact, that should be the default.

HIMBO: I WANTED TO SHARE!

ADMIN [Zo]: It's my fault, really. I asked Varl not to smack him for it.

SilverVixen: Spare the rod, spoil the child.

DIVINER: ...that sounds horrible. I mean, if I have the context right.

MARSHAL Kotallo: Makes perfect sense to me.

FlameHairSavior: I'm not sure I want to hear about Tenakth child-rearing techniques.

DIVINER: You don't actually beat your children, do you??

MARSHAL Kotallo: I don't have any children myself. But no, of course not.

MARSHAL Kotallo: Punishment is an important part of any sort of teaching method. No cook is more careful than the one who has cut his hand. You cannot learn to dodge a blow unless someone tries to hit you.

ADMIN [Zo]: I understand the basic principle, though I disagree with any sort of physical retribution.

MARSHAL Kotallo: Not every problem can be solved by waiting three months. Sometimes more immediate consequences are required.

HIMBO: CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT HITTING ME?

DIVINER: Okaaay...

DIVINER: Sylens, what kind of music do you listen to?

Icarus: Very little. I found some interesting atmospheric melodies, but I mostly use them as background noise, so nothing with lyrics.

FlameHairSavior: Huh, I almost expected you to say you only listened to some weird math thing.

Icarus: Ha ha. There is no "weird math thing" music.

DIVINER: You haven't found Rush????

SilverVixen: Remind me to show you Rush.

SilverVixen: Oh.

DIVINER: [Squee.gif]

FlameHairSavior: Of COURSE there's some weird math thing that Sylens would like.

DIVINER: There's something for everyone! From Norwegian Death Metal to Pop Rap, the old world was full of music!

SilverVixen: Really, it was. I preferred the classics, of course, but sometimes it seemed like every other kid was inventing a new genre.

FlameHairSavior: What do you do in your spare time, Sylens? You can't be plotting and scheming all the time.

Icarus: I prefer to watch documentaries.

FlameHairSavior: Of course.

DIVINER: Wait wait! What kind of documentaries?? Because I doubt you care about, like, the biography of the first president of the United States or whatever??

Icarus: There is a fascinating series called "How it's Made," which are short videos on what were, at the time, ubiquitous parts of daily life. There is a similar series with higher production on the History Channel, though as the name implies, that focuses more on the people and the history.

DIVINER: Oh I love that series!!

DIVINER: But the Quen weren't able to get much useful from it! So much of the data is corrupted! I don't think we have a single video about advanced technology!

Icarus: Unfortunately, I was not able to find much more that was useful. I did find an interesting video on how to build an electric engine, but I lacked the materials to replicate it. Besides, GAIA's machines are superior, and more readily available.

HIMBO: I'M SURE YOU LEARNED A LOT ABOUT HOW TO DISASSEMBLE AND RE-PURPOSE MACHINES FROM IT, THOUGH.

Icarus: That is true.

FlameHairSavior: Wait, if you couldn't get much technology out of this show, why do you like it so much?

FlameHairSavior: What kind of things did you learn from it?

Icarus: ...

Icarus: Cheese.

FlameHairSavior: I'm sorry, did you just say that you like to watch a show about how to make CHEESE?

Icarus: Yes.

DIVINER: Are you EMBARRASSED?

Icarus: I do not see how that is relevant.

HIMBO: LIKE, WHAT, CHEESE FROM A GOAT?

MARSHAL Kotallo: It's not all that complicated.

Icarus: The chemistry is quite fascinating, and the old world used a very interesting process to increase efficiency. And they used milk from an entirely different animal, which was never reintroduced into the ecosystem.

SilverVixen: Oh right, you don't have cattle.

SilverVixen: That means none of you will ever have a proper steak au poivre with cognac and frites.

FlameHairSavior: I refuse to believe those are real words.

SilverVixen: It's French.

SilverVixen: So no, they're not real words.

Chapter 38 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

[thedevilsoftruth]

Haven't posted in a while, but something that was really bugging me a lot was some shit I noticed when rewatching the Moon Knight series that I think a lot of comic book fans could relate to. I know, Mr " um actually " comic book guy is talking right now but imma need you all to bare with me here for a second. and before any of you start typing, please remember everything said here is MY opinion. All I ask is that you're respectful. I'm going to start of with how I don't understand the hype around this motherfucker.

Literally the most whiniest mf in the ENTIRETY of the MCU. The only people who can like or tolerate this bitch are mfs who have 9 hours of daily screen time on TikTok, listen to hyperpop music and think that he's a soft uwu meow meow baby girl hurt emo princess boy.

Moon Knight is literally one of the most metal superheros out there and the directors saw that and said, " now imagine that but we make his woman so much better than him and water him down and completely change his back story and then wipe our asses with it, spit on it and then pretend we were trying to show representation. " Like what the fuck are you fucking doing?

My first problem is that I felt like this show focused too much on Layla and her relationship to Marc... Nvm, Sorry I lied. Not Marc, fucking STEVEN. This show isn't about " Layla ", its about MARC and Steven and JAKE. (I'll talk about Jake later) Like can we just... " Are you an Egyptian superhero? " " I am. 🥺" GIRL BYE 💀💀 this part of this show was so bad it made eternals look good. This was cringe on the level of seeing your mother do a dab. All that episode 6 was about was Layla kicking ass and that's it. I don't understand why Kevin Feige has the urge to make everything about badass women. Like theres ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with that, I love badass women and we need more women superheros, but I'm just saying, I came here to watch MOON KNIGHT not Layla El-faouly.

So funny how they make a show about Marc Spector and he only gets like 20 minutes out of the 6 hours of the entirety of the show. I think the most time he got on screen was like episode five and maybe two but that's about it. It felt like he was only there to make things depressing and to make Steven Grant have better character development because he himself is just so fucking boring and not funny. Marc Spector is so much more than " I got hit as a kid and my alter ego is fucking my ex wife. " He's a Jewish antihero struggling with a personality disorder that's eating his life away and a toxic relationship with a man who's been basically lying, emotionally abusing, and manipulating him since his CHILDHOOD. What I love most about Marc Spector is that he's not like all other these mighty superheros, he's just some dude. He just some dude with real human struggles like you and me, trying to figure himself out and navigate through his disorder. Marc should have had a bigger role in this show but I guess Steven Grant and Layla were more interesting than him. Steven is the main course, Layla is the desert and Marc is the salad off to the side that's barley been eaten.

Steven Grant is not a shy British man with great manners who works in a gift shop and is giving in his moms flat, he's a savvy millionaire ( who's from Chicago, Illinois, so as Marc and Jake ) who works in the film industry and lives in a mansion. Those are two completely different characters. Everyone that I've seen who's criticized Steven in the slightest has said that he was bland, boring, and the producers were trying too hard to make him funny. You can't try to have something that's just straight up sad happening with a character and then pretend that it's funny and try to make it into comedy. That's just not how it works and it's not realistic. That's why movies like The Crow are good and movies like Renfield are bad. The Crow takes itself seriously and is genuinely sad but lightly sprinkled with comedy, Renfield wanted to be a bit sad, but ruined itself by trying to hard to make every scene funny.

The only good scene in this entire show is the scene where Marc says, " you are you the only real superpower I ever had " or whatever the fuck. I didn't pay attention because all I could think about was the scene from frozen where Anna fucking froze and Elsa cried about it and then unfroze her with her tears or something. I guess her tears must have been really hot.

What I'll give Muhammad Diab credit for is casting. Having Layla be Egyptian is good, and having Oscar Isaac casted as Marc is also really good. Everyone In the comics is white for a character normally centered around Egyptian bullshit. They also got Khonshus personality right and that's about it.

I hate how the producers said that this show was all about " representation" and then didn't add Frenchie, who is a gay french guy in it or Bushman who is a black mercenary because he was " too much like Killmonger " ( which doesn't make any fucking sense because they are drastically different on so many levels but okay. ) they also said that this show is they're most brutal and violent show yet, but they were " violent " ( and bloody-ish ) the first three episodes and then just kinda gave up towards the end.

For the last thing, I'm gonna talk about Jake finally. Just pretend that I'm sighing right now. Like a really audible, dramatic sigh.

I get they wanted for us to differentiate the differences between each personality with accents but Jake doesn't need to speak Spanish. He doesn't speak Spanish in the comics and having him do it is completely unnecessary. I get it's Hollywood and Hollywood needs to make everything sexy and attractive, but Jake Lockley is the least sexiest alter of Marc Spector. He doesn't wear a suit with black leather gloves or drive a limousine, he's a fucking taxi cab driver with a really weird mustache who wears a turtle neck. When I think sexy, I don't think taxi driver. And it ruins the point of Jake Lockley as well because Marc uses Jake to see what's going on on the streets in New York. New York is really busy and crowded, so people are more prone to using a taxi, not a limousine unless you're bougie and rich.

Anyways that was my rant. Good night.

[ambiguousthoughtsinsilence]

my year of boygenius

Why do we listen to music? Is it just melodic noise that provides background to our daily existence or is it a space where we look for meaning, purpose and beauty? This is a false question, as music can be all of these things, but it is so much more. For many people, the beauty of music gives their life meaning, whether listening or creating it. Most of us will have fond memories of listening to the radio in the car or discovering an album that transported us to a seemingly magical place, expanding our understanding of what music could be and do (e.g. Jeff Buckley’s Grace for me).

Growing up in a relatively small town by the Baltic Sea, one of my favourite activities was to go to the seaside in winter, when it was stripped of human presence, sit down on the staircase of a lifeguard’s lookout and listen to the songs on my iPod. Years before that I had a silver cassette player and a CD player that I always carried with me, along with a CD wallet. Music has always been a comforting presence in my life. But even in this rich history, there are certain albums and artists that have had such a transformative impact on my life that they have become part of who I am. There are not many albums that fall into this category, but this year one of them did appear.

In March, 2023 the record had come out, the first full LP from boygenius. As I listened to it for the first time, I knew it was going to embed itself in my brain as I was going to play it again and again and again. I became obsessed with the record and the three women responsible for creating it - Lucy Dacus, Julien Baker and Phoebe Bridgers.

It was like being a teenage girl again, eagerly watching interviews, trying to find out ways in which to watch their Coachella performances and following a fan account that reposted every live video and tour photo imaginable. People always talk about separating art from the artist, but the songs on the record felt so grounded and rooted in familiarity, like they were made by people that felt real and compassionate and vulnerable. In interviews they would talk about books and artists they admired and how they valued each other, and for someone, who has long felt that romantic love should not be valued more than friendship, it felt almost revolutionary to hear that as a foundation of an indie ‘supergroup’s’ ethos.

In August I had a chance to attend Oyafestivalen with my best friend Tina, who had very kindly gifted me a ticket. boygenius were due to play in the early hours of the evening. This was my first time seeing them live.

‘I want to hear your story / And be a part of it’ / boygenius- without you, without them

Making meaningful connections with other people is probably one of the, if not the most, important things you can do with your life. As I stood on a lawn in Oslo and kept bawling my eyes out, I couldn’t help, but end up in existential ponderings about love, loneliness and human connection and the fact that my closest friend was sharing the gig with me. We live thousands of km apart, but I love her loads and appreciate that she’s a part of my life.

‘And it feels good/ To be known so well/ I can’t hide from you / Like I hide from myself’ / boygenius- true blue

After the concert ended, I sat down by a tree to regain my composure, tear streaked cheeks and red eyes, an emotional outpouring and connection that meant so much to me. A few weeks later, I saw them headlining at Gunnersbury Park, this time sharing it with Tina again and my other friend Peter. This experience was less rooted in existential ponderings and more just an overwhelming sense of joy. It was a scorchingly hot day and multiple people fainted, however everyone around helped to get those people taken care of as quickly as possible.

Queer care and joy was ever present in this audience, people had arrived with wonderfully crafted items of clothing or little references to boygenius lyrics on them. Tina and I handed out pink carnations to the younger girls behind us. There is something strange about loving a band, whose audience seems much younger than you are, but maybe the best kind of music manages to reach something within us that is shared, regardless of age.

As the fireworks went up into the dark night sky, I felt so much joy. This time their music had reached the part of me that felt an immense gratitude for being alive and being able to experience such happiness with more than 20’000 people. This performance felt even more explosive and raw, but also funny and deeply meaningful. It seemed that all of us were treating ourselves to some self-belief.

‘will you be a nihilist with me / if nothing matters, man that’s a relief / Solomon had a point when he wrote Ecclesiastes/ if nothing can be known, then stupidity is holy / if the bore becomes a void, we’ll treat ourselves to some self-belief’ / boygenius - Satanist

The last time I saw them live was thanks to Peter, in a small and intimate acoustic set in Kingston. It was another very special experience as the songs had become embedded in my brain and hearing them acoustically felt quite different from the previous shows with a full backing band, here were the three people who were responsible for all those captivating melodies. They embody a vulnerable compassion and a reliance on friendship that feels authentic, and it is wonderful to see creativity blossom from a place of deep love and appreciation for each other.

The record is an album I have grown to love deeply, because it seems to fit whatever mental state I am in. Without You, Without Them for when I want to remind myself of the love I feel for my friends, Cool About It as a reminder that all of have had to play it cool, when someone has hurt us deeply, Not Strong Enough and Anti-Curse for when my mental health lies somewhere in the bottom of the bin. Whatever I am going through, I can find comfort in knowing that the record is there to give me solace and company, whether I am staring at the ceiling or going on a walk around North London.

[colorisbyshe]

First Monthly Music of the Year!

January (or late December) releases!

"Tell me" Shygirl & Boys Noize. Giving vocal club music. Giving yearning. Giving cunt.

"Let's Talk (Loneliness)" Seola (of WJSN). Hypnotic and mature kpop. Music for kpop hags, I feel.

"Kool-Aid" BMTH. I still barely listen to BMTH but I will admit "Kingslayer" made me give them a second chance. Screamo for babies will always have a place in my heart.

"Saucy" Sistar19. Twice-coded song. Sort of like if Alcohol Free was peak Twice, if that makes sense? If you want more GROWN kpop, here ya go.

Astro Bunny released an album that I really like, though maybe not as much as their last album which pushed more boundaries. If you want something more... bedroomy and introspective, this might be an album you should check out. Start with "Wave of your Memory." More vocal based but does sweet drum & bass.

"Bibora" SF9. Lots of kpop this list but I just love how vibrant this song is and how parts of this song have a sort of early 2010s vibe. I have never listened to a song by SF9 and likely never will besides this one but like... what a song.

"Dirty Desires" Vicetone. This song isn't great but it's more of those early 2010s vibe if you need to pad out a work out playlist or something.

"I Inhabit My Life" Headaches & Golden Vessel. I will admit, this is kinda "travel vloggers background/intro music" but I just find it charming and relaxing.

I was literally just thinking about how I used to be obsessed with Dir En Grey but never retained any of their music, like could not name a song or recognize it by ear, and then this song came out to reel me back in? At over 8 minutes, "Akuro No Oka" is much more mellow than what I can remember but it captivates the entire time. Just good, sprawling Jrock to close your eyes and sink into.

"Make a Name" Mozzy. Capping this off with one last kpop track that is just relaxed and nearly acoustic. The single album is titled "warmth" and I think that captures this well. This is sitting on the beach as waves lap at your toes. Basic and comforting in its basicness.

And then I have a song that I need to talk about because I don't know what the fuck is going on and why I can't stop listening it to it. There is a solid 20+ seconds of this song that sounds like a garbage disposal on the fritz and yet I keep coming back to "Silver Thread, Golden Needle" by AG Cook. This is a song that doesn't just push the boundaries of what makes good music... this pusshes the boundaries of music in general. Is this music or just a collection of sounds? I could not tell you. It's dreadful. I listened to it daily last week.

[thinkpink212]

Tips on how to stop being addicted to phone/social media/internet and actually being productive?

💌 Find your why: Why do you want to be less on your phone? And what are you trying to be productive with. That why

💌 Start with a detox and gradually re-enter: Delete all social media app’s, and make your phone the most boring thing for you. I suggest 15-30 days. I’d say to allow yourself a few app access such as Music, YouTube (but limit to 2-3 videos a day) and pick one Tv show to finish, one episode a day. Once you come back, gradually allow one app at the time with 30min-1 hour use daily.

💌 Do the hardest parts first: If you’re writing something, creating something or whatever your productivity is towards — do that first thing. I personally will get ready for work and do my whole routine and just spend 1-2 hours writing in the morning. Gives me a boost for the rest of the day and then it’s done (and you can always pick back up later that day)

💌 Motivation is key, surround yourself with it: Straight forward, once you’d detox is over or with the limited times on your phone - listen/watch (podcast), read and overall consume the content of people who are being productive. Have friends join or find a community trying to do the same. It’ll help you stay motivated.

💌 When you feel the urge, have something else to reach for; When you know you should be productive, but don’t want to — have 3-4 options for what to do to procrastinate healthily. My top 4 are Cleaning, read, take a walk or video game(s) usually it’s Sims or Animal Crossing/Mario Cart. Usually can only play for 2-3 hours max.

💌 Set aside an actual realistic time for yourself to be productive: This could be 4 hours a day, divided in two for two specific tasks. Or more/less depending on what you wish to focus on. You’re human and our phones are fun, so unless something needs to be done there’s no need imo to banish it. As long as you’ve done what needs to be done, you can scroll ahead (with or without limitations)

Suggestion on what to search for more inspiration: Discipline, Breaking habits, productivity, motivation, actively living life & any people who you look up to’s routines. I love watching people’s writing routines during downtime for inspiration and motivation.

[earthwindandraen]

TASK 001: The Crescent Key - A Rae Elle Park Playlist

Music is a really, really big part of Rae's life. If asked, she'll always say that she doesn't have much of a preference, and it's actually true. No matter the decade, the genre, the artist, Rae Elle has a deep appreciation for all manner of music that can often be seen in her daily life. Typically, if she's working at Broken Record, patrons are liable to hear a very eclectic variety of music to play over the stereo depending on what Rae Elle feels like playing. Very rarely does what she's playing coincide with her mood. Rae's a pretty happy person, all things considered, despite what's lurking in her head and heart. Even when she's playing The Moody Blues, she's more often than not got a smile on her face.

With that being said, this playlist has a big focus of Rae's personality as opposed to her personal tastes, each song a reflection of who she is, not just something she might enjoy listening to. In truth, I first thought about breaking this playlist up into a light magic and a dark magic section. However, Rae Elle is a staunch mix of both. Therefore, her playlist is one cohesive, homogenous mix of light and dark and genre, all tangled together with themes of witchcraft, rebirth, and freedom. There's goth, metal, rock, folk, and country all working together to show off who Rae Elle Park is.

Listen here. Songs detailed below the cut.

Spellbound by Siouxsie and the Banshees | And don't forget when your elders forget / To say their prayers / Take them by the legs / And throw them down the stairs

Which Witch by Florence + The Machine | I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out / Who's a heretic now? / Am I making sense? / How can you make it stick?

Jaded by Spiritbox | And I've always been ashamed that I wanna / Fall into a dream with my honour desecrated / Blood is jaded / I've never found a way to be honest / All I know is a place where I haunted

Bottom of the River by Delta Rae | If you get sleep or if you get none / (The cock's gonna call in the morning, baby) / And check the cupboard for your daddy's gun / (Red sun rises like an early warning)

Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac | She is like a cat in the dark / And then she is to darkness / She rules her life like a fine skylark / And when the sky is starless

Black Magic by Magic Wands | There is a crescent key / That locks a hole in the door / Into the pit of your heart / The future is the reward

Burn the Witch by Shawn James | But I won't scream, won't give them that satisfaction / No, I won't confess my false interaction / As I breathe deep and prepare for my passing / I hear them chant, "Burn the witch"

Lady May by Tyler Childers | I'm a stone's throw from the mill / And I'm a good walk to the river / When my workin' day is over / We'll go swim our cares away

Freedom by Dorothy | Take me down to the south land / Oh I need that humid air / I put two feet through the old church door / Holy water on through my hair

seven by Taylor Swift | And I've been meaning to tell you / I think your house is haunted / Your dad is always mad and that must be why / And I think you should come live with / Me and we can be pirates / Then you won't have to cry

The House of the Rising Sun by Dolly Parton | So mothers you go telling all your daughters / Not to do what I've done / To live a life of sin, shame and strife / In the house of the rising sun

To Someone from a Warm Climate by Hozier | "Uiscefhuaraithe" / The feel of coldness only water brings / There are some things that no one teaches you, love / That come natural as a dream, you didn't know that you were in

Persephone by Cocteau Twins | Hey, the chances I must waste / Hey, ever dirge, even their moth got a jar / Is what it takes

Season of the Witch by Donovan | When I look over my shoulder / What do you think I see? / Some other cat lookin' over / His shoulder at me / And he's strange, sure is strange

[markcarloasuncion]

“HOW DOES MOBILE APPS BECOME PART OF MY DAILY LIFE?”

Given that we currently live in the modern era. Anyone has access to the internet through their smartphones, which are truly important to people's everyday tasks nowadays. It can be used for a wide range of purposes, including education, online businesses, and many other things, where it can be applied as fundamental information to many facets of life.

I can't deny that I still have many things to learn about the course I have been chosen for, even if I decided to pursue a degree in information and communications technology and become a teacher soon. Although it may be difficult to evolve, I hope to see an exciting future, five years or ten years from now on. My aim is to provide important information to my incoming students regarding the significance of using mobile apps and the possible advantages as well as disadvantages that may occur for them.

And now for the very interesting part. I created this blog because I was interested to discuss some of mobile apps that I use the most and provide honest feedback based on my experience dealing those apps carefully and using them in the right manner. Let us start and see! 😁👀

Here's the list of my TOP 10 MOBILE APPS THAT I AM USING IN MY EVERYDAY LIFE:

1. Facebook

2. Google

3. Messenger

4. YouTube

5. Spotify

6. Microsoft Office

7. Canva

8. Google Chrome

9. MVLE Mobile

10. Google Classroom

Facebook is the leading app I am using everyday. Why? Because, I discovered that I could socialize with people using this app in many ways other than face-to-face interactions, such as reacting and commenting to their posts, sharing memes that I saw on newsfeeds and could apply to my real-life status, joining various group pages to share my knowledge, selling things that can generate a profit and starting a business, and a ton of other freely made things.

Google comes in second. This app is already available on all cellphones that you could purchase. However, when it comes to complete my schoolwork and other assignments on time, that's when it becomes resourcefulness for me. I should not really 100% trusted this app, because, there are some things aren't true to know or can be lead into “misinformation” like in the website of Wikipedia. That's why, sometimes, I love to do my self-tasks alone.

The Messenger, the third one. It was an app that linked to Facebook, making it simpler to send messages to people you knew. I have been using this to connect with my teacher and classmates ever since the pandemic. It can't be access whenever I'm offline but, there's another variant of this app which is called, “Messenger Lite” that even basic mode can still access. Unlike the regular version, I guess.

The next one is YouTube. Through this app, I can watch the daily news that I couldn't watch on TV, to gather an additional information about the lessons in school I think it's hard to be understood, have a good time to watch those missed music videos that came from my favorite artists and so much more things to do.

For the fifth place, Spotify is always there at my phone to save me every time. When I listen to songs out there, it makes me heal from everything I pissed off. But, unfortunately, data or Wi-Fi is needed for this app. That's why sometimes, I listen to my download songs playlist. Whenever I don't have an internet to be used it. This kind of music streams is the best app that I had in my whole life and also, you can subscribe for its premium version (just optional only, if you want to remove ads while having a sound trip alone or with your family everywhere, especially, at home).

The two apps next to Spotify are named, “Microsoft Office 365” and “Canva.” Both are eligible to be used and finished on time, the tasks you want to overcome in everyday life. It makes me assist like an instructor that you can learn a lot from these two apps. That's why, I'm thankful that they created a superior & perfect app for every person who have a struggling problems that unable to solve when it comes to work that include time management.

The eighth one is “Google Chrome” that designed to be that's fastest web browser. With one click, it loads web pages, multiple tabs, and applications with lightning speed. Whenever I'm using this app, there will be always ads popping up. So, as a result, I easily annoyed sometimes but, we can't deny the fact that ads is everywhere, even for those online gamers can relate. As what I said, it allows me to set up tabs as many as I can, just in case I needed those pages.

While, the two left apps on my list are called, “MVLE Mobile” and “Google Classroom.” These two educational purpose apps makes me help to fulfill the tasks that I should be finished on time. Aside from that, they're lessons can pin and students can able to download it then, having a takes notes. So, just in case, our instructors may ask some questions about the lessons we read about the learning materials s/he has given through online access.

As I end of my discussion about my experience that I shared here to those TOP 10 mobile apps that I am usually using everyday. I gained a lot of knowledge to them and since everything we use nowadays are related to technology. We can't force ourselves to be able silence but, to inform other people these apps are having an advantages and disadvantages at the same time. But, I would like to say that, “Be a responsible mobile apps user, especially when you're in social media. Think hard first before you click anything, not everything you may see are true. Just be careful with yourself and others that may affect, if ever you do wrongdoings that's not acceptable in our society.”

That's all, I hope you read my blog until the end. Thank you for the time you spend, have a great day ahead!

For more further details about the “Advantages of Disadvantages of Mobile Apps.” Here's the provided link for you:

#individualblog #mobileapps #tumblrapp #livingintheinformationandtechnologyworld

[poutyniall]

How are you doing, apu?

I hope good...

Tesoro 💜 how are you? How life is treating you? Tell me something nice that happened to you recently.

Well, regarding Yoongi, ehm, I'm feeling a bit bittersweet, if it makes any sense. I mean, I was happy to see him (he looked sooo healthy and fine as always!) yesterday during the live and I'm so glad to know he's been resting and eating well and spending time with people who love him. He also got a haircut and I do not like that, no no. But he's still cute as hell tho. From what I understood, but take it with a pinch of salt 'cause I'm stupid and I'm probably wrong, he's going to do social service - I'm assuming due to his shoulder - which means he'll be able to go back home at the end of the day, sleep in his comfy bed, be in his house, work on music if he feels like it, see his friends and family a little bit more often. Also, if I remember correctly, in one of suchwita episodes, he said he wanted to experience a 9-5 job and that's another good point in his favor. The service time has also been reduced to 21 months, I think. But again, I could be wrong, I don't know. But yeah, I'm happy for him but I'm sad for me 'cause it hurts. In an extremely selfish way, I don't want him to go. And listen, I'm well aware that, practically, nothing will change in my life because Min Yoongi, flesh and bones, is not part of my daily, real life but. But. Still. Just the mere thought of him leaving... it hurts and I cannot tell why, I don't know the rational reason but I do know that the feeling is there. And it's pretty real. I'm really trying not to think about it 'cause 2025 will come, eventually. He's gonna come back to us. He promised.

About everything else, I'm a fucking mess. I went to the gynecologist 'cause my period is so bad I can't leave the house the first two days and she said I can't take the pill due my migraines which means I need to try the cup. Now, I bought the cup and period'll come within days but I'm scared. I'm fucking terrified. I believe I'll cry. About the bookstore, I've been doing researches, I've asked around (basically I annoyed the shit out of my poor cousin) and having it in a mall is a big no for two reasons: it's a much higher investment, obviously, and I should do it with some franchise BUT, in that case, I'll feel trapped, creatively speaking, because with them every store has to be the same and there isn't much you can do. But I have a different project (like, I've already thought about the name, I have 3, and I can already picture myself with brushes and paint and tools renovating the place.. I mean it, I can actually see myself doing it). I want a reading corner with pillows and blankets and I want to offer tea and cookies and pastries and I want to include second/third hand books so they can keep on living instead of collecting dust on a shelf. The first step is to find a place and rent it or buy it, I don't know. I know nothing, everything is new, big and scary and I wish my father would tell me 'hey, I know it's scary, it'll be challenging and still it may be a failure but I've got your back, I'm here' instead of 'I wouldn't do it, it's too much responsibilities, find an office job and don't think about it.' Thanks for the support, dad.

I could go on and on and on but I've run out of energy

[earthtooz]

JFUEKSNFKWN henlo, I'm back owo)/ I'll entertain the burger question first HEHEE So I'm okii with anything what to put inside the burger as long as it's reasonable and lives up to its name! (i.e., an ice-cream burger: buns + ice cream) I don't want any pickles on my burger ;; to me, it ruins the savory taste.

About the Itoshi Rin ask!!

🔹Are you going to save for him in Blue Lock: World Championship? It's a farming mobile game (like ensemble stars basic, there's not much of a gameplay) that you can download on qooapp. Our job there is to become the character's assistant (a manager if you will (｡・//ε//・｡)) basically, we exist in their world now and there are side events where you can converse with them (Japanese language settings though-) It's Nagi's banner today!

🔹MANNNN it's soooooo hard to get a merch of Rin inside an anime convention. Maybe the fact that the anime just released in December a huge factor on why I'm having this dilemma rn. At the end of the convention, I only managed to get an official postcard of Rin (I put it inside my closet for daily motivation purposes HNGGG) and a blue shirt of Blue Lock. I ordered a shirt of him though (even if the back of the shirt says Itoshi, not Rin)

🔹I suddenly have an urge to illustrate a chibi Rin so I can send it to a shop where they can make personalized acrylic keychains or stickers so I can satisfy my loving-Itoshi-Rin tendencies (~￣³￣)~💙💙💙💙

🔹MANNNNNNNNNN part.2 HAHAHAAHHA Why do I see Rin do this "thing" where he's pretending to fall asleep or be occupied with his earphones (but it's not connected to his phone) inside a car ride just to hear his fem!classmate he's growing to be comfy with, hum a tune (especially when the tune she's humming fits to his taste of music, King Gnu)

first of all: fair enough, as long as a burger is burgering, i have no complaints! ALSO pickles kinda make or break it, i get why you wouldn't like them in your burger but i think at one point i stopped asking to put aside the pickles so i just eat them LOL 😍😍

ALSO I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A BLUE LOCK MOBILE GAME????????? SINCE WHEN?????? IS IT ONLY ON ANDROID BC I CANNOT FIND IT FOR THE LIFE OF ME IN IOS!!!!!?!??!!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE EFF?!?!?! I WANT TO PLAY THIS SILLY LITTLE GAME SOOOOO BADLY I LOVE MY SOCCER BOYS!!! IF I HAD IT, THEN I WOULD ABSOLUTELY BE SAVING FOR ITOSHI RIN WHAT!???!!? my night is ruined i can't believe i can't play this game </3

i have merch of itoshi rin!!!! i also have some of chigiri, nagi, and isagi!!! but i got that from japan lol so it would make sense that i have them... but hey, at least he's finally introduced in the anime so that means more merch of him at conventions :OOOO but putting the postcard in your wardrobe is so smart 😭😭😭 maybe i should do that. i wake up to his face and immediately start feeling envious of how hard he works so i'll start doing pushups on the floor next to my bed!!!!

also can i see ur chibi rin :(

AND AND AND AND rin would totally do that! BUT I WOULD LIKE TO RAISE YOU THIS INSTEAD! instead of a car ride, it could be on like public transport ride where reader and him are seated next to each other. bc rin is naturally vv standoffish, you feel a little out of place beside him, unsure what to do with yourself, despite how close you two have been getting for the past few weeks.

five minutes in, he sees you reach for your earphones / airpods and glances at your phone in curiosity to see what you'll listen to. then he sees you pulling up king gnu and before he knows it, you're offering a pair of earbuds to him!!! AND HE'S LIKE 'oh... okay' BEFORE TAKING IT AND LISTENING!!!! AND IT'S SO CUTE BC U SHARE FOR BASICALLY THE REST OF THE DAY!!!!! sorry i just love the prompt of sharing headphones, i took my own little spin on your ask - hope that's okay :(

thanks for taking the time to pop into my inbox!!!! have an amazing day and don't forget to take care of yourself! hope 2 see u soon :o