#Whoever reads the We-Care intern applications

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

My dearest bouncey! I have a prompt for you if you like: Witchers as a 90s/2000s boyband 😂🤷‍♀️💖💖💖

Ellie, darling, this started as 500 words and turned into like 3.2k words and also a piece of art so... thank you so much. also shout out to my amazing art pal @mawbwehownets for the little comic!!

this contains lots of 90′s/early 2000′s nostalgia so there is also that

tw: hornyish, smooching, perilous music video situations (corny)

---

“Do I have to?” Geralt groans, letting his forehead thud down against the linoleum surface of their tour bus’s shitty dining table.

“Yes,” Vesemir says. His tone leaves no room for argument or whining. “But what if I let you pick the winner personally?”

“There have to be like fifteen thousand letters to go through! How will I manage that in less than two days?”

“There were a few more than fifteen thousand applications, Geralt. There were probably closer to five hundred thousand.”

Lambert wolf whistles and Aiden claps.

Geralt grimaces and keeps his face hidden against the table, releasing a slightly muffled: “Fuck.”

“Language,” Vesemir frowns. He tugs gently at Geralt’s loose ponytail and the singer lifts his head up from the table again, looking at his manager with beseeching eyes. “Anyway, we’ve narrowed it down to about fifty. You can go through those and choose whichever person you’d like to play your love interest. But you have to give me an answer by Friday. The shoot is in three weeks and whoever wins this stupid competition will need time to make arrangements.”

“I thought we were footing the bill for their food and their hotel room,” Geralt raised an eyebrow. “What would they need to arrange?”

“Not everyone can board their pets at the flick of a wrist, dude,” Lambert scoffs from his seat on the couch. Aiden lies draped across his lap, as usual, and the two of them are halfheartedly watching The Lion King. They can only watch movies when the bus is stationary, otherwise the VHS player might move too much while running and damage the film inside the cassette. Even taking advantage of such a rare opportunity, Lambert and Aiden still seem more interested in each other than Jonathan Taylor Thomas’s voice acting. 

“Lambert has a point,” Vesemir sighs. He scrubs his hand over his lightly whiskered face like a tired grandparent and sighs again, more heavily. “It’ll be good for you boys to have a normal person around for a few days. Maybe they’ll be able to put some things into perspective.”

Geralt can only roll his eyes a little bit and thank his manager regardless of his own feelings; he and the rest of TW5 owe the seasoned musical expert their entire careers. Without Vesemir’s help and mentorship they would never have made it past their first disastrous record deal. They certainly wouldn’t have reached the heights they’re at now, enjoying international fame and recognition. 

The begrudging frontman accepts a heavy plastic bin of file folders from Vesemir and sets them down next to his bunk. “Are these organized in any particular way?”

“Nope.”

“Cool.”

Geralt digs his hand into the pile and pulls out a piece of pale-pink stationary, eager to get started and, by extension, get finished. He can already tell that it’s going to be a long couple of days.

---

“I want this one, please, Ves.”

“Huh?” Vesemir looks up from his palm-pilot. Geralt is standing in front of him and trying to hand him something. 

“I want this guy to be in the music video with me.” Geralt holds out the letter again, fingers trapping the accompanying polaroid headshot with great care. A pair of bright blue eyes stares up from the photo, highlighting the subject’s bright smile and unruly mop of messy brown hair. Vesemir tries to hide his amusement; totally Geralt’s type, if the big oaf could admit to having one.

“Alright. I’ll get everything in order. We start shooting in two and a half weeks so get your asses to the gym, please.”

“Yes, Ves,” all five young men chorus. 

“Tomorrow,” Coen mutters a moment later than everyone else, not glancing up from his composition notebook. Vesemir nods in understanding. Coen is the best lyricist of the lot and it’s easier to let him work when inspiration strikes than beg him to focus when he can’t get a solitary idea to stick.

“So why’d you pick that one, Ger-bear?” Lambert drawls. Aiden nods and leans against Lambert’s side. Geralt can’t help the mild jealousy that overtakes him every time he sees his bandmates touch each other with such casual affection. He wants that intimacy, that softness behind the veneer of famous indifference. He wants someone to hold. 

“Yeah. What drew your attention to that poor unfortunate soul. Was it the floppy hair, the big blue eyes, or the dopey grin?” Aiden smirks.

“Hmm.”

“Fuck you,” Eskel sighs, looking between the two troublemakers with the tired gaze of an eldest sibling, “Fuck you for even asking in the first place and expecting a straight answer.”

“Straight is the furthest thing from his answer,” Lambert chuckles. He is promptly smacked in the head with one of the couch’s hideous throw pillows. The youngest member of the band rubs the side of his face and chuckles, “Alright, I deserved that one.”

---

“Holy shit!” Jaskier practically screams. “Holy motherfucking shit!”

“What!?” Yennefer comes flying around the corner. “What’s wrong!?”

“Nothing is wrong, Yenna! Everything is awesome! Everything absolutely fucking rocks!”

“Did you get hit on the head by a falling branch between here and the mailbox or what? You were whining about your finals work not five min-”

“Look at this!” Jaskier shoves an open envelope into her hands and cuts her off. Yennefer reads the watermarked documents once. Twice. Her eyes almost pop out of her head when the words and their meanings finally sink in. 

“Are you fucking with me right now?”

“No, I am absolutely not!” her giddy roommate cheers, bouncing up and down in place. “I did it! I won!”

“Holy shit.”

“I know! I get to kiss Geralt deRiv!” he practically cackles. Then freezes. “Holy fuck I get to kiss Geralt deRiv.”

“You said that already,” Yen teases. She shoves the paperwork back into his hands and grabs a takeout menu from the junk drawer near her hip. “Since you won the makeout lottery, you get to buy lunch. Lucky bastard.”

---

“So this will be your dressing room,” someone’s underpaid PA says, ushering Jaskier into a small, bright room. “Priscilla will be here shortly to get you into hair and makeup.”

“Oh, uh- thanks!”

“Yup.”

And with that, the young man disappears back down the hallway toward the sound stage. Jaskier jogs his leg anxiously as he waits for Priscilla to arrive, nervous and otherwise totally alone in the huge grey building. As the minutes tick by and his heart rate rises, Jaskier’s intrusive thoughts make an unwanted appearance: What if they forget about me being here? What if there’s been a mistake and they accidentally hired two love interests and I just sit in here for hours all alone while-

“Hi!” a bright, peppy blonde woman flies through the door and startles him back to reality. “Nice to meet you, I’m Priscilla! You can call me Priss; I’ll be doing your hair and makeup for the video this week!”

“Oh… hi. I’m Julian, but I prefer Jaskier.”

“Lovely! Well, Jaskier, is your hair naturally this color?”

“Y-Yes?”

“Perfect! I don’t want to mess with such a lovely shade of natural brown, but do you mind if I give it a bit of a trim? I have a few ideas for styles right here in my book- How do you feel about some feathering back here? I think-” she fluffs a few of the hairs around the nape of Jaskier’s neck “-I could really bring out the curls if I adjusted the length a bit and used some product.”

“Just, uhm, go for it, then! Feel free to make me as pretty as possible!” Jaskier declares. He’s committing to this experience wholeheartedly, determined to allow himself every opportunity for positive change. He wants to really let himself enjoy it, and he needs a haircut anyway. Priscilla spends an hour washing, cutting, drying, and styling his hair into a lovely fringed sweep across his forehead. It ends just above his brows, giving his face a slightly softer shape than usual. He grins over his shoulder, “I love it! I’m going to miss you when I’m back at Oxenfurt. Good stylists are so hard to find.”

Priss blushes and nudges against his shoulder, “Oh, you little charmer.”

“I mean it,” he says, examining himself in the mirror. “I look like I could really be worthy of a heroic rescue! This is going to be such a fantastic memory, and I appreciate it. Thank you so much.”

Priss bites back a genuine tear and smiles, “Now that your natural prettiness has been mildly enhanced, let’s get you over to wardrobe, shall we?”

“Wardrobe? Do I have, like, a costume? What’s the music video even about?”

“They didn’t tell you any of this when you got here?”

“Not… not really.”

“Well, my darling, I think you’re really going to like it; they’ve got you in Versace for the first scene.”

“Versace!?” 

Then Jaskier is being ushered into a bright, colorful room full to bursting with grim-faced, middle-aged women and he loses track of his only braincell for the rest of the morning.

---

“You must be Julian!” Lambert declares, bounding up to him and grinning. It’s a feral, animalistic grin and Jaskier resists the sudden urge to take a step back.

“I prefer Jaskier, if you don’t mind too much,” Jaskier corrects him quietly. Lambert rolls his eyes in a long-suffering kind of way and throws a meaty arm around the shorter man’s shoulders, completely ignoring the wardrobe technician’s wincing as he wrinkles the expensive silk jacket. 

“No need to be quiet and polite around here, my dude. We’re just a bunch of rowdy idiots, aren’t we, guys?” 

“Hell yeah!” Aiden calls back. Eskel sighs like the put-upon nanny in a Victorian Redanian comedy. 

“Speak for yourself,” Coen barely lifts his frosted tips up from his book long enough to speak. Geralt is-

Holy motherfucking Britney Spears on toast.

Geralt is the hottest thing Jaskier has ever seen in his short, unfulfilled-until-right-now life. Forget Ralph Macchio. Forget Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet and Winona Ryder. This man is… Geralt deRiv is… he’s the picture of perfection. And he’s right there, standing in front of an elaborate party set with his thick, beautiful arms crossed over his chest and his eyes trained on the floor, as if willing it to swallow him whole. Jaskier realizes that he probably didn’t have any choice in the matter; maybe this was just as awkward and uncomfortable for Geralt as it was for Jaskier. 

“Ger-bear!” Lambert whoops, yanking Jaskier closer to the brooding frontman. If only he were brave enough to struggle for escape; alas. “This is your boy-toy for the week. Goes by Jaskier, apparently.”

“Nice to meet you,” Geralt manages to grunt. “How did you like the script?”

“I haven’t uh- I haven’t actually seen it?”

“Shit. Fuck. One second,” Geralt huffs, disappearing into the crowd of technicians and machinery operators and PAs. Jaskier loves him already, for real. Sure, he was pretty in the music videos and promo material, but the way he said fuck like it was the noblest word he could think of… Geralt interrupts his train of thought by coming back with a sheaf of papers clutched in his hand. He shuffle-shoves them into Jaskier’s arms immediately. “There you go.”

“Thank you!” Jaskier smiles. It’s genuine and shy, more tenuous than his usual goofy grin. He flips through the pages, glancing between the script to his expensive suit, “So I’m guessing we’re at a party for this scene? Or something?”

“This is… where we meet. This is where… you and I uh…”

Jaskier’s eyes scan the page as Geralt’s ability to speak slowly leaves him. 

Lover ENTERS LEFT, dressed to the nines. Lover adjusts their tie/boa and takes a look around the room. S/He looks sad and a little hopeful. PULL BACK to Geralt, who approaches slowly. Their eyes meet. HOLD SHOT. PULL BACK as they move towards each other. Geralt pulls Lover into his arms and they begin to dance.

“Oh, wow.”

“I hope it’s okay! If you’re not comfortable with that kind of thing we can-”

“I’ll be alright, thank you. I came here to put my acting chops to the test. Well, that and meet my favorite band, of course. Thank you again, by the way. It’s been wonderful so far and I really appreciate you allowing me to be here.”

“Allowing? Psh. Geralt ha-” Lambert is cut off by Aiden, who elbows him sharply in the side. “Ow! What the fuck, babe?”

“I knew it!” Jaskier crows, distracted. “I knew you two were an item!”

“They’re not exactly subtle.”

“They never confirm anything either,” Jaskier retorts. Geralt shrugs his acknowledgement and moves back towards the set. Jaskier follows after the taller man like a lost puppy, eyes flicking from one thing to the next, hungry for detail even in his anxiety ridden state. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and he doesn’t want to waste a solitary second of it. “This is incredible, really just...wow. You guys do this all the time? You get to make tiny little movies for already great songs that you get to perform for millions of adoring fans? And you get paid!?”

Geralt hadn’t ever really thought about it like that. He’d been raised in the industry. He’d signed to Kaer Morhen Records as an early teen because his mother was a member of the Board of Directors and he’d been making music ever since; an outsider’s perspective to things was… new. A little strange. “Yeah, I guess that is pretty much what we do.”

“Wow.”

“It’s not that exciting, I promise.”

“Have you ever written a fifteen page paper about the history of lute-string design and manufacturing?” 

“No.”

“Then kindly shut the fuck up about what I should consider exciting,” Jaskier grins. Geralt is immediately and irrevocably smitten. Fuck. It hasn’t even been fifteen minutes! “So, which door am I entering from?”

“Left,” Geralt points. Jaskier skips over and begins to introduce himself to the sound and lights crew. His smile seems to be as infectious as his cheer and soon the entire set crew is smiling at one another. There’s been a literal shift in the atmosphere; if he didn’t know any better, the TW5 frontman thinks Jaskier might be some kind of magical creature, because he can’t just be human. Geralt is well and truly fucked, and everyone in the band already knows.

---

“What do you think?” Jaskier asks, slipping anxiously from behind the changing screen. The Versace is gone and in its place are a pair of tight, high-waisted blue pleather pants and a billowing white shirt, which has been strategically ripped in several places to reveal slivers of the lightly tanned skin that lies beneath. He looks like he’s in desperate need of rescuing. He looks like every fantasy Geralt has ever had about the perfect guy. He looks like a fucking dream.

“Nice,” he says.

Lambert and Aiden wolf-whistle and cheer as they approach. Aiden claps twice, loudly, and shoots Jaskier a set of finger guns, “Hot damn, baby. You single? You lookin’ to mingle? Because I am bi and spoon like a Pringle.”

“First of all, babe, I love you but that was the most horrific combination of words yet known to man. Second of all, yeah, I’d dump Aiden for you for sure,” Lambert adds. Jaskier is at a total loss for words. His mouth hangs open and his breath comes in uneven little gasps for a moment.

“Uh… I- Thank you?”

“Oh god, Eskel! Eskel, he’s short circuiting, do something.”

“You absolute-” Eskel groans and makes his way over to the gathered group. He tugs Jaskier away and over to the other end of the set, where a comically huge rocket/bomb (Jaskier can’t tell) is standing at the center of a vaguely science-themed room. A laboratory, maybe? Or like, a really weird spacecraft? A hospital run by rocket scientists? It doesn’t matter, it’s the Evil Lair of the Villain and that’s where Jaskier is being held captive. “Here, Cameron and Elise will help you get set up for the next scene. I’m sorry about the boys they’re... gay?”

“I understand,” Jaskier nods sagely and Eskel relaxes. Then for comedy’s sake he adds an equally dramatic, “I too am... gay.”

The set dresser, an electrician, and a few specialists (likely a rope rigger among them) come over and tie Jaskier to the bomb/rocket/villainous mechanism, ending his conversation with Eskel, who is now in a much better mood than he was before. 

Jaskier is told to make sure his hands are crossed behind the small of his back and the director instructs him to wiggle back and forth “as convincingly as possible without actually getting loose or moving the ropes too much”. Which is manageable, he supposes. 

“Then, when the chorus comes up, we’ll get a few shots of the boys dancing in front of you,” the director continues to explain. That’s… kind weird, but okay. I’ve seen weirder. “Then we’ll do the action shots, with Geralt rescuing you. Are you okay to do the kiss, or would you rather not? We have dynamic shots with or without, so it’s totally up to you.”

“I’m fine with that,” Jaskier smiles shyly. “I consent to be smooched.”

“Adorable,” Lambert calls. Jaskier blushes and the director shoots Lambert a glare. 

“He’s already pink enough, don’t make me change my gels you little shithead!”

“Sorry, Pierre!”

“Fucking sorry my ass,” Pierre grumbles beneath his breath. Then he smiles at Jaskier. “Do something nasty to him for me, will you? Not too nasty but… just a little?”

“I’ve got your back,” Jaskier winks. 

“No plotting! Not fair!” Aiden whines.

“You have a team,” Pierre retorts. “Now I have a team.”

“Rules are rules,” Eskel sighs. “Now can we please shoot this damn video?”

“Right,” Pierre claps, getting everyone’s attention. “Places!”

---

Geralt races up the stairs, trying to keep the long sleeves of his black mesh shirt from catching on any of the set pieces. The solid black t-shirt he’s wearing underneath makes his arms and back look bulkier than normal; it’s a visual technique to make him look larger than Jaskier, whose billowing white shirt will hide how wide his shoulders actually are. Fuck, those are some nice shoulders. And the smattering of dark chest hair that peeks from the front of the college student’s shirt? Geralt wants to bury his face in it.

Okay, focus. 

He reaches the top of the set and rushes towards Jaskier, ripping the ropes from around his torso and pulling him close. He cups the back of Jaskier’s head with his upstage hand, framing the slightly smaller man for the camera and making him seem even shorter, another trick of angles and body posturing. Geralt plays Jaskier like an instrument, bending him back by placing his downstage arm around Jaskier’s waist, pressing their mouths together and holding them still for as long as it takes the director to yell, “Cut!” with a satisfied tone of voice. 

Geralt’s suspicions are confirmed when Pierre laughs and claps some more and cries, “Print it, lads! That was a one-take wonder!”

He tries to ignore the way Jaskier’s shoulders slump as if disappointed. “Good job,” he manages to say.

“You, too.” Geralt wishes he could keep a picture of Jaskier smiling in his back pocket forever. No other sight could light up the world so effortlessly. “Thanks for being gentle.”

“I’m trying to sweep you off your feet,” the singer shrugs. Jaskier wiggles his eyebrows and follows Geralt down the narrow set stairs.

“Are you, really?”

“Is it working?” Geralt asks, turning to look up at Jaskier. The student pauses to look at him and his foot catches on an uneven board. He topples forward with a short cry of surprise and seems surprised when Geralt reaches out to catch him. “Jaskier!”

“Oh my god!” Lambert races over, Aiden hot on his heels. “Are you okay, dude?”

“I’m fine,”  Jaskier laughs, a little breathless. “Just a little shocked.”

“You should take him to get a snack or something,” Eskel says, nudging his shoulder against Geralt’s. “He’s been busy all day and hasn’t even been to craft services.”

“You haven’t eaten?” Geralt asks, honestly baffled. Jaskier shakes his head, face heating once again. He wishes he could stop blushing, but Geralt’s presence seems to make it impossible. He wraps one arm around the younger man’s temptingly slender waist and leads him towards the food carts. He shoves a couple of sandwiches and a bottle of punch into Jaskier’s hands, not giving him a chance to argue. “Here, I’ll have something, too.”

“Thanks,” Jaskier smiles, understanding that he is, in turn, being understood. They sit comfortable folding chairs off to the side, food spread across their laps. Jaskier laughs and chats around his mouthfuls, pulling things from Geralt like his favorite color and his least favorite nicknames. Songs he liked and dances he disliked. 

“You made it fun again, today,” the singer smiles. “Thank you for that. I wish you could be here for every video shoot.”

“Looking for another member of the band?” Jaskier jokes, doing some half-hearted jazz hands. Geralt shakes his head and laughs. 

“I wish we were,” he sighs. “But I guess five is the magic number.”

“Makes the dances look cooler,” Jaskier nods. “I agree with whoever made that decision. I wouldn’t dare ruin the aesthetic.”

Geralt laughs again and Vesemir turns to look, honestly shocked at the volume of the sound. 

“Plus, you can’t be the frontman if there’s no front.”

“Shut up,” Geralt chuckles, still grinning broadly. 

Vesemir makes a phone call.

---

2 Weeks Later, Backstage in Kaedwen

---

“He’s been sulking like this ever since Jaskier went back to Oxenfurt,” Lambert whines. “C’mon Vesemir, do something.”

“What do you want me to do, make Geralt’s boyfriend appear out of thin air?”

“Not my boyfriend,” Geralt growls, stomping past his bandmates and manager. He can’t help but feel grumpy. Jaskier had been like the sun, bringing light and wonder to everything he touched, and without that joy around it doesn’t seem worth the extra effort to smile. So he’s been moping. 

“Fucking hell,” Vesemir sighs. “Thank goodness I thought ahead.”

“What do you mean?” Eskel asks, joining the little group in the hallway outside the dressing room. “What did you think of?”

“Three,” Vesemir smiles, glancing at his watch. “Two… One…”

“Boooooys,” echoes a high tenor. “Where’s my welcome wagon, Vesemir?”

“Jaskier!” Aiden practically screams, leaping out of the dressing room and flying down the hall. Lambert follows at a sprint and Vesemir hears the resounding oof oh fuck of both giddy musicians hitting their mark. 

Geralt comes back down the hall at a jog, eyes searching frantically. “I thought I heard-”

“Geralt!”

Vesemir’s heart clenches in his chest at the way Geralt’s face lights up. At the end of the hallway, surrounded by spilled luggage and apologetic boyband members, is Jaskier. Geralt floats to him, it seems, like he’s dreaming the whole thing. Jaskier takes his hands and then releases them and wraps his arms low around Geralt’s hips instead. 

“I missed you the most,” he whispers, just for Geralt to hear. “Couldn’t sleep without listening to your CD. I know it’s silly but I really like you.”

“Jaskier,” Geralt whispers reverently into his shaggy brown hair. “What are you doing here?”

“I was going to do my thesis on pop culture’s relation to music history,” he says. “And then the manager of TW5 called Oxenfurt and offered me the opportunity to do some… first hand research while I worked on finishing the paper.”

“R-Really? You’re going to be here… every day?”

“Do you… do you not want me he-”

Geralt kisses him before he can even finish the question. It’s a stupid question anyway, of course Geralt wants him here. Wants him right here, kissing him silly. The singer presses his lips desperately, crushingly against Jaskier’s; he never wants to part from this man again. He never wants to be without that glorious laughter and contagious liveliness. Who knew that life could be so full of delight and happiness if he only let it? 

He kisses Jaskier for all he’s worth and more, pouring his heart and soul into it. When they pull apart, both gasping for air, Geralt asks, “Stay with me, Jaskier? You don’t have to do anything I just-”

“I’d love to be the big spoon,” Jaskier winks, whispering again. “Thank you, Geralt, for the rescue.”

[duckiesteasmiles]

幽玄 - yugen

IR Month - day ii: fantasy vs reality

Also available to read on AO3.

“What we love, we mention. 

Then I must love you, because I mention you all the time” - Marie-Helene Bertino

arm flopped lazily over a yellow plush couch, fingers lazily looping pools of raven silk against a porcelain back. his lips quirk into a familiar smile - as his index finger makes headway to a black ink dot raised upon her skin ever so slightly behind her left shoulder - a northern star of sorts, Ichigo thought timelessly.

she feels his smile, eyes drifting over pink sunsets, orange spikes and the small clouds from a tea cup smelling of earl greys, honeycomb and a touch of lavender. the summer breeze rustles the plant babies she so tenderly takes care of, with the familiar berating of her tone as he makes fun of Rukia’s one cactus plant that she has so dearly named ‘mr. seaweed’. 

it is said that the walls of a home resemble a human heart. there are lights that turn on, light bulbs that need replacing; paint chipped in the corners of ceilings and faded curtains that tickle as they dance clumsily to an old record in the living room that feels all too small in humid filled air and all too big on rain scented days. 

the roof of a home carries the hopes of a fantasy, laced within daydreams and laughter - holding those thoughts hostage of what is to be; and what reality can become. 

having the human quality of hope was once a fear; heavy on the lungs and burdensome to the heart. each reminisced when he carried a calloused heart and screamed out a hollow version of her name; when her fingers clutched at straws for her life as her body froze to the depths and opened her eyes to meet his flickering flame. there had been enough bloodshed to stain their palms and scars to indent riverbeds upon their skin. 

they joke that they don’t have matching tattoos. 

however, their days are settled and almost calm - almost. 

down the hall and to the right, their study room is scattered with term books screaming to be reopened at their earliest convenience alongside two notepads - one hidden inside a pillow fort, neat in inscription and one on the wooden desk, notes sprawled messily. studying on this sun-filled sunday is an afternoon afterthought when they’re this cozy, of course. 

small realities were kept in a diary, which dutifully noted the little sparks of movement in their life: 

uryuu’s fashion gala (whoever said hues of blue didn’t belong in summer hadn’t met the likes of him)

orihime seeking an opinion on her new range of “ soy sauce cupcakes” (and the blueprints for her latest engineered robotic arm) after said gala. 

chad, looking for a foster home for 12 week old lorikeets and a lazy grandpa cat (he had already rejected Renji’s application as he already had one too many and Byakuya had sent him a strongly worded letter)

and a singular large scribble of blotted red ink that hid the words “dinner with papa” by the end of the month. 

with sunsets merging from pinks to purple grey, they had reached their conclusion; same as they had come to after both had finished their own individual fights of war - internal and external:

there was no path that could lead either astray. a fools errand, perhaps, but they were content being present in this conjured daydream.

tea turned cold, skin cooling, eyes drooping, they close the curtain - to another day of them

- only to awake again.

[popculturebuffet]

The Legion of Super Heroes Reviews: The Legion of Substitute Heroes or Unsung Heroes

Happy 29th Birthday to Me! Yes it’s my birthday which means it’s time for reflection, griping about getting older and cake. And after an exausting weekend of grappling with a growth, i’m not going to go into anymore detail, I can finally, relax celebrate and get back to reviewing. And since i’ts my big day, that means I decided to dedicate today’s reviews to things that mean a hell of a lot to me and in one way or another shaped me as a person. A self indulgant way to reflect on my past, look to the future and show y’all some stuff I really like. So with that out of the way let’s talk about the Legion of Super Heroes.. and their oddball sub team I love dearly. 

This is also my first chance to talk about DC Comics on my blog. I’m honestly shocked that in the year i’ve been reviewing stuff regularly, the other half of the big two superhero comic publishers hasn’t come up. While I do tend to lean towards marvel, in part because Marvel is simply better at collecting their stuff and putting it on sale more often, it’s still the home of some of my faviorite properties: Justice League International, The Green Lanterns (Minus Hal), Teen Titans, Wonder Woman, Oracle, Batgirl (All of them, particularly Steph and Cass), Young Justice, Supergirl, my personal boy The Martian Manhunter.. the list dosen’t go on by much but it indeed goes on. I”ve been reading dc comics since I was in middle school, and I haven’t stopped since and don’t intend to stop now and maybe in the next year I can get around to tackling some of their awesome cartoons and comics more eh? But yeah among these titans, including the actual titans, are the Legion, one of the most unique and awesome super team concepts in my humble opinon and , even for DC, one of the teams with the most tangled up histories. 

First created in the Silver Age by writer Otto Binder and Artist Al Plastino, The Legion of Superheroes is DC”s first successful teen superhero team, predating the titans by a few years, though I dearly love both wildly diffrent teams. The Legion is defined by their high concept: A thousand years into the future, three super teens from diffrent worlds who happened to be on the same ship with billionare RJ Brande, saved Brande from some goons hired by his crooked buisness partner. 

And exposed him. Inspirired by their courage, heart and skill, Brande latter called the three together to form them into a super team, one inspiried by the legends of teen hero Superboy. 

No not Conner though it was nice to get to show off my poster of him. While he was part of the second continuities legion, we’ll get to that, he’s not the superboy we’re looking for. He is damn great though and it’s good to have you back bud. 

Not Jon either, though I do miss this kid’s pre-bendis version and he was the inspiration.. for another version of the legion. (SIGH). Try. AGAIN IMAGE SEARCH. 

...... 

No not the cool bad boy turned troubled good boy, not the child who was inexpciably aged up by that bald smeghead, and not the great idea turned into a editiorial mouthpiece. I”m talking about THIS superboy. 

This is where the name came from: From the silver age till crisis on infinite earths, Clark Kent was active as a kid in smallville, and thus was Superboy, superman when he was a boy. He dealt with similar stories just with Lana replacing Lois, and Luthor as a ginger teenager. And it was these deeds as a teen hero on his own, one of the first honestly, that inspiried the legion and brande and forged the team. 

And it was naturally a super boy story where they were first introduced as the legion’s founders went back to recruit Superboy after putting him through some trials, and were intended as just one of many silver age one off concepts.. but caught on with the readers so much they were brought back, and had their ranks expanded and eventually not only added supergirl, yes the one your thinking of this time, to their ranks, and yes sometimes she and superboy were in the same place at the same time, Clark willingly had founding member and telepath Saturn Girl put a mental block in his head for any info he’s not supposed to know yet so it’s cool . But yeah not only that but they eventually became their own feature in Adventure Comics, where Superboy’s stories were published, but overtook him in popularity with time.  Over time a number of distinct aspects were established: The roster eventually got as large as 20 plus legionarres, almost all from diffrent worlds, and they eventually set up bilaws. Some are silly and dated such as “Legionarres marrying means they retire” which was eventually done away with in the 70′s, but others were simple logic: each member must have a unique power, no using weapons and such which rather than be super power snobbery is so said tech dosen’t fail and the legion later fully allowed Karate Kid, a martial artist, to join, no killing.. just common sense stuff that adds to it. And one of those is the centerpiece to today’s story, which we’ll get to in a moment.  Obviously given they’ve been around since 1958, there is a LOT more to the Legion’s history I will dig into at a later date: The short version is that Crisis on Infinite Earths, Dc’s first big reboot, fucked the team up badly by retconning superboy out of existance and dc editorial made it worse by shooting down EVERY solution the team came up with to fix the issue. So eventually things got so messy they nuked the whole thing during the event Zero Hour and rebooted fresh with Mark Waid taking the helm and updating the concept for the 90′s and being a more lighthearted, if still not without weight, comic in the sea of 90′s edge. Waid would reboot the team again due to sagging sales, a far weaker reason this time, with a more rebllion slant, the original team would be reinstated, and then ended for a while before recently being rebooted by Brian Micheal Bendis... who sadly is long past his creative prime from books like Ultimate Spider-man and alias and is instead stewing in his own toilet dinner these days and thus it’s not pretty.. well okay art wise i’ts VERY pretty, it’s just story wise it sucks dirty ass in thunder storms. There was also an awesome cartoon that sadly lasted only two seasons that I will DEFINTELY be digging into, especially since unlike x-men evolution, it’s not you know 50 some episodes and me biting off way more than I can chew but a slim 26 that still has fans to this day. I”ll get into ALL OF THIS, some ohter time hopefullly and I mostly outlined it since some of you might be familiar with another version or “Sigh” the reboot and this helps clear things up.  So yeah with all that out of the way we’re going back to the silver age and the first story I ever read of hte team, how I met them with “The Legion of Substitute Heroes” and a later subs story I genuinely love. I first read this story in one dc’s old expensive archives collections I got from the library. Oh how I miss the library. Your probably wondering who the legion of susbstite heroes are.. but since the first story covers that we can jump right in after the break!

So we open with a teen in a parka uniform disembarking from a spaceship from another planet, which a passerby notes is just like the airplanes people used to ride from country to country. 

But we meet our hero, Polar Boy, whose in a winter themed outfit and has come to try out. This is the tradition I was saving for now: The Legion Tryouts. Like a club or sports team would, but I like it because it makes sense: The Legion NEEDS to be as big as it is because while their headquartered on earth, their mission scope is anywhere in the united planets which spans GALAXIES. They could be called on any time and need their full force or need to have severa l members on a smaller mission and frequently having members away on a mission was cleverly used to reduce the cast to whoever was needed for the story. 

So it only makes sense to frequently look for new membbers to help strengthen their ranks... but given their teens and are recurting teens they need to be careful and need a logical way to reduce crowd flow. I mean you saw how many people used to line up for american idol before that died a justified death, people will do anything to be famous and they need to weed out those whose powers and skill just aren’t up to snuff yet, or those who are just dicks as, unsuprisingly, several stories have been built on assholes who applied and were rejected turning evil and attacking.. even though the Legion wasn’t even paticuarlly harsh. They also are more than fair as applicants CAN try again or if they prove themselves in other ways can be let in, as Bouncing Boy, my favoirite legionarre, was intially rejected for his power of .. well...

Yeah.. on paper inflating like a ball and bouncing around is kind of silly. In practice he can ricochet off enemies, walls, and obstacles and is fairly durable in that state. It’s why I don’t really brook mocking the guys power: yes it’s goofy.. but say that again when he hands you his ass. It’s the same with matter eater lad who yes is an actual character: While being able to eat anything is gloriously goofy.. it means he can chew through ANY substance and digest ANYTHING. Hell in the cartoon episode intorducing the subs they used both of these guys to great efffect: Bouncing Boy, who in the cartoon had to try out multiple times in his backstory, encouraged the future subs while Matter Eater Lad got in by EATING A FUCKING BOMB. He also had shades which I dind’t know he was missing but now I do. My point is the process is fair and well thought out and leads to some really fun scenes. 

But yeah joining the legion is naturally Polar Boy’s dream, as he walks down the avenue of heroes, basically a series of statues honoring the legion and hopes all his hard work paid off. We then cut to the auditions, where he apparently waited all night. What I like about this story is that unusually for the silver age legion where it was mostly a sea of powers attached to a bunch of cardboard, really the dc silver age in a nutshell and why marvel broke out so much for having more dynamic and realistic characters, Polar Boy has more of a personality. It’s not MUCH but he’s a dedicated, hard working kid who just wants to join his heroes and seems really in awe of htem, a feeling we can all relate to. We’ve all had people we’ve looked up to, admired, and we’ve all had groups we wanted to join as kids, teens or what have you. And of course.. we all know what it’s like to be rejected by someone or something you badly wanted to be a part of.  And that’s what happens to poor polar boy, who comes from a world with an intense sun thus his people developed super cold powers.. but he can’t control them well so while their impressive, they also freeze the legion. HIs powers are good... but due to their strength and radius he’s also a liablility. They give him an consolation anti-gravity belt.. they had these before eventually compressing them into the much cooler flight rings.. which I still desperatly want one of. I have the flash’s costume ring and a green lantern corps ring, but still no legion ring. 

Naturally this devistates the poor boy and he wonders around dispondent till nightfall, convinced he’ll never be one of them. He soon meets Night Girl, a fellow reject with super strength given to her by her dad’s formula.. but only in darkness as she’s from a world without sunlight. She also faces a “hopeless future” but it’s then Polar Boy’s true strength reveals itself: he decides screw giving up on their dream and if they can’t be in the legion they’ll start their own Legion. 

Though not to compete but to serve as a subtistute, in case the legion is ever incapacitated. So Night Girl gathers the other rejects the next morning. Cleverly one of them, Chlorophyll Kid was seen with Night Girl herslef at the tryouts behind Polar Boy. We soon learn about them and each of their origins: Stone Boy can turn himself into an immobile stone statue, as his world has half a year long nights and thus his people hybernate, Fire Lad who can spit hot fire literally and set anything combustable on fire and Chlorphyll Kid who can make plants grow rapidly. Each were rejected for resonable powers: Stone Boys powers too static, Fire Lad’s is too dangerous and Chorlpyl Kids toos pecific. But upon seeing all of this Polar Boy says they STILL have fantastic powers and still can help people and the legion. 

Thus the Legion of Substittue Heroes is born. And I love them as much as the originals. As a bit of a misfit myself I relate to these guys: They have strange specific powers, got rejected by the big team.. while that trope is nothing new at the time it was unique and even now it’s a nice and inspiring message. Instead of giving up they form their OWN team to do what htey can anyway. They might not be the best like the legion but they can still help and still do what’s right even if not on their scale. It’s a great concept and really makes them endearing. Again I have a thing for the underdogs but I still really like these guys. It’s why it annoys me they got kind of spat on with time: While I love Keith Giffen and Paul Levitz run on the legion, and feel it’s the best of that contnuinty it’s not without fault and the two basically spent a full issue mocking the team and split polar boy off from them before making their own subs with only ONE of the originals. It just felt.. disrspectful. And so far no continuity has used them again until the recent bendis run, which has them announced for the Future Slate special. It took BENDIS, who dosen’t get how to use the team properly and is up his own ass, to bring them back in a new continuity and I find that obnoxious. The subs are a great concept and deserve to be honored as such and as such are one of my favorite superhero teams. 

But their careers don’t start well as they doubt themslves, except for Polar Boy who boisters them along, and constnatly just end up going to missions the legion already has covered and when the legion go to fight some robot ships, they refuse the subs help.. which is fair though, as Brainy puts it they can’t risk putting untrained volunteers in harms way. Their about to just quit, in a really sad moment.. when CK, because I can’t spell cholophill and hate having to use spell check notices some odd seeds spread about.. and when he grows one a horrifying tree man shows up. They struggle with it till the setting son finishes it’s job, meaning Night Girl is at full power and whollops it and the subs spend the night destroying the seeds.  They  find out the next day the seeds came from the same planet as the robot ships, meaning the ships are a distraction for whoevers doing this and since they can’t just call earth, as the full force of the legion is needed with the robots and all it’d do is cause a panic, it’s down to them. Night Girl however is scared.. and I like that. It shows that while their regaining their confidence.. it’s sitll risky. Their a bunch of barely trained fanboys, and girl, going up against an alien invasion, with it down to them. They CAN save the world but it’s alright to be entirely terrified when your thrust into it this fast. 

They make their way to the planet, having built a ship earlier and lie low, finding out what’s going on: The plant men are fully intellegent, and grow themselves..though how they know to attack and go to the bathrom and what not out of the seed I don’t know but I assume it’s a genetic thing or they might be some form of hive mind. point is the seed plan is to grow troops all over the world via rockets for an invasion, and it’s a brilliant concept for one too. Aliens who simply GROW the troops right into battle, born with the knowledge to do so, and right where they can ambush them. It’s down to our heroes and Stone Boy, whose been the most pesemistic, valiantly dives in to provide a distraction so they can destroy the factory and the seeds. Turns out he is useful as the most the treeple have is a space lead pipe.. yes really. I love the silver age. But they’ll bring ray guns soon, so Stone BOy knows it’s a suicide mission and now our heroes have a timer. But luckily.. our heroes are stronger than they think. Night Girl punches a way in till Night passes, while Polar Boy and Flame Lad use their powers in concert to make an opneing.. but with time running out Polar Boy finishes things by having CK grow all the seeds now they have acess.. thus exploding the planets population, destroying several cities from the number of bodies, and thu discourguing the treeple from trying again. Stone boy is able to flee with the rest of our heroes and the day is saved. 

The heroes opt not to tell the public, as to take away glory for the Legion. It’s a noble gesture.. they do DESERVE credit, but they choose not to take it, preferring to let the legion get theres for stil lsaving the world from the robots. They stand firm, now confident they may someday make it to the big leagues.And it’s this that really makes me love them: Thier not the strongest or best, but they try anyway for the reasons a hero should: to help people, and not for the glory. THey remain unsung heroes and are fine with that.  Eventually the Legion WOULD find out about them, but naturally instead of being dickheads about it, fully accepted them, even offering them some contests for membership, but that’s a story for another day. THey’d remain stalwart allies and valuable backup in crisis situations for years to come until the bollocks outlined above. But they’d never leave my heart and thanks to them.. the legion never left either. 

Final Thoughts:  While I do love the story for it’s personal signifigance to me, It’s stilll a really good story for the time. A bit stilted as was the style, but still good, well paced and with an endaring cast of underdogs who prove themselves in the end. It’s something diffrent from the usual clean cut ahead in life wasps these stories usually followed at the time. While the team’s still all white and all that, their outcasts and misfits who just want to help and have trouble beliving in themselves. Their a good standard to live up to.. and a good inspiration for me and my constnatly self hating self doutbing self. And I hope you enjoyed htem too.  If you’d like to comission your own review, just dm me. It’s 5 bucks for individual issues. Later days. 

[slowlymadeart]

After a month of making adjustments to the script and editing things out I’ve kind of lost perspective on how this can been seen from a stranger’s point of view.

(And may have over explained in areas just to make sure communication was clear).

All images are cropped to instagram size. (except the first one with the “critique” message).

Tried my best to jam everything into 10 panels.

Oh, and what’s happening in that last panel is me being arrested for spoon debt. 

Annnd to answer your question, yes. I do imagine a world in which “spoon court” and a “spoon bank”  is being run by utensils.

I know it’s weird. It’s the whole “Goofy is a dog with a dog (Pluto) as a pet!

but.. I think it’s kinda funny….or could be if I ever draw more. Just doing research on obscure and various utensil to make into characters? I don’t think I could pass on that.

Anyhow, here’s some thoughts and explanations you are free to ignore. Seriously. They might cloud whatever you thought of the comic before reading a backlog of thoughts…But if you wanna follow the thought train, hop aboard. 

1. Is “Well, You could just google it” too condescending or will the internet be okay with this? When it’s written in a post it’s fine, but in a comic? I just don’t want to push people away. Especially first thing. (After a month of rewrites and redraws is when I changed up that speech bubble and put that line in there, lol).

2. “Spoonie” comes with many associations with chronically ill/disabled communities. I tried to acknowledge as many points of view as simply as I could. Hinting at a bunch of perspectives from both the people who love it and reasons why people hate it. 

3. Also nodding towards the idea that “Spoonie” is easier to say than “Disabled”, and for some, the internalized “Disabled is a dirty word” has them opting to say “spoonie” instead. Often unintentionally. So I then tried to blur the distinction between the two a bit. Out of a desire to mae “Disabled” a more approachable word.

4. Alright, so the idea ”Spoonies are just one part of the disabled community.” I feel like I may have been able to communicate this, but when I drew the group image of various spoonies connecting from their beds, it might feel too “Any person with a disability can be a spoonie to some degree.” …..which makes me worried healthy people may eventually start projecting it onto people they meet with disabilities. Sort of a “I can help you somehow, here’s this info a about spoons! Did you know it exist yet? it could change your life!!” all while still disregarding the person their talking to.

5. The facial expression on my character for “My body is disabled and day to day living sometimes breaks my brain” -I could not figure it. For me, there’s a mixture of “slight embarrassment but I gotta say it” and “LET’S PRETEND YOUR ELSA IN “LET IT GO” AND YOU HAVE NO MORE FUCKS TO GIVE!”

or “calm. with no more fucks to give. A ‘deal with it’ sunglasses or vacant eyes and a slight smile situation”

then I’d go back to “Embarrassment, both crying and laughing from brain breaking, wants to have no more fucks to give but that’s just not true”

and I was worried that gave the wrong impression about being disabled. Yes, there’s absolutely truth to it. but after reading articles by some extremely well educated disabled advocate types, and a critique on the show “Special.” I wanted to try and set a good example- pretending I’m further along with coming to terms with what my life is than how I can be at times.

We’re allowed to feel like this is a mindfuck. It absolutely can be. But I don’t want to be seen as too whiny…

…. and I need to clean up my language so my 11 and 12 year old sisters can read. (Will be changing a couple words for the finished version that goes on instagram and webtoons).

6. Christina Miserandino seems to use to be very into tanning. When collecting photos, her shade of skin changed all the time. But it’s not “arianna grande” type stuff, just more so her genetic predisposition and past beauty habits conflicting with going through a lot in recent years and hasn’t been getting out as much, or caring about looks. I tried to capture a sense of her advocacy prime, with the purple, when she put a lot of work into her hair, her love of girlishness but with a slight edge to show maturity. Just going with a skin tone she’s had consistently in the past couple years- just because going darker would have been a lot more strange to those who looked into her now. (This one’s less of a concern and more of a…disclosure? Just felt weird to deal with).

7. I don’t know if any of you have ever looked through spoonie selfies, or disabled selfies. but we seem to LOVE DYING OUR HAIR. (It’s one thing we can change). Hair dye is having a moment in the world. So I hope the change of hair colors here and in the future is not taken the wrong way. It’s just really fun to use unique hair colors on characters. I will say, the reason the woman on the left side of the “Today a spoonie is” has blue hair, is because she’s Trans, it’s a wig. her hair isn’t where she wants it to be yet, she uses the hat because she couldn’t afford a lace-front wig. Yes, it’s hot on her head. but it’s easier than using energy to secure everything and make the top look nice. and it feels too fake looking when the top is not covered up……. And…yes, I realize this is all in my head and not conveyed or relevant at all- but that’s the backstory, lol. I gave her shirt the trans flag colors, but she didn’t seem like a pastel person and so I kept them darker, feeling like that’s what this character would like.

8. I included cutting scars on two characters because a few years back I had a friend who pointed out to me I always omitted drawing her scars. I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I just kept forgetting. But I felt bad. It seemed like including the scars was more empowering to her at that point in her life. That’s why they were included here. 

9.  I know some think “Spoonie” is just for those with Chronic illness. It can feel that way- it’s a large majority of Spoonies. But Christine herself said in an interview Spoon Theory can be used those with disabilities and Mental health conditions. Basically, whoever has a condition that causes fatigue. 

When put that way- well, the panel that reads “Perhaps detached enough for misguided normies to think” -could happen.

(All the more reason to blur distinction between “disability” and “spoonie”?…maybe. but, that could alienate neurodivergents. And the blurred distinction between “Neurodivergence” and “disability” is…exploding as a topic currently. And I don’t want to contribute to more people thinking neurodivergence means “disabled” and therefore “broken”- that’s the opposite of what I want to do).

((Thus why there’s info supporting the idea throughout the rest of the comic “Don’t fix it. work with it. My situation’s just different.”))

Maybe the panel isn’t needed, but that’s how/why it came to be.

10. If there’s unhealthy mentalities portrayed in the comic that don’t serve a greater purpose, let me know. Unhealthy mentalities are great for humor, and getting to let someone else who’s going through the same type of thinking at times have comfort- but what I’m worried about is anything that is problematic. 

11. If any of the terms I used are incorrect- such as places I use “conditions” to sum up- everyone who can be a spoonie. Let me know! It get’s really tricky at times when you have to make the statement as simple as possible to refer to a very diverse group with very diverse bodies.

12. I’m starting to put “mean stranger” type characters in colors without skin tones so that they can be applicable to more people, as being sick/disabled/neurodivergent is somehow in open invitation for the opinions of jerks. Drawing them all as Donkeys or “Asses” would be cool and clever, but too much work. 

13. Because of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia sitting with my legs down in a wheelchair is extremely draining, so I want to stop drawing that.

[birdlingstarot]

Hey! I was wondering if i can get a general tarot reading about my relationship between me and my boyfriend (Nel), just like what's going between us and what needs to change. I'll send you a picture of us because your rules say is okay to do so, and maybe it will help you more. Thank you! - Valentina 🌻

Hello  🌻 Valentina!

A little birdie told me this 🕊

What represents your relationship currently? XLIV - The Box

This relationship has a great potential. However, the shine of the relationship is being limited, be it through others’ opinions, both of your opinions, what is believed to be the norm etc. This relationship is being played out using what you know or expect to work consciously or subconsciously. This resulted in limiting the potential of the relationship. 

The relationship could potentially become boring or lack the passion you and/or your partner hope to have in a romantic relationship. Try something new together. Remember that the relationship is between both of you. Are the expectations of your relationship formed from both of you or are they rooted from a source outside of your relationship.

Communicate with each other on what makes each of you happy, ticked off and the like. Be open to each other. Make sure that what you do for your partner is what makes your partner happy not what you expect would make your partner happy. 

To put in an example for better explanation, it’s like you bringing your partner out to a high class restaurant because you believe that it is romantic and sure it does make your partner happy but they would be happier if both of you have a candlelight dinner at home prepared by the both of you together instead.

This would help igniting more passion into the relationship as one/both of you might feel that the relationship is lacking.

Through this, your partner would out in more effort into the relationship to woo the other to reciprocate the affection.

What does 🌻 Valentina wants in this relationship? Frog, Lamb and Rabbit

You want someone who can be your pillar of support especially during tough times. A relationship where you are not afraid of being vulnerable in. You want someone who is attentive to you and listens to you, be it happy moments or sad/ angry moments. Slightly docile as well. Sensitive to your emotions and takes good care of you to sum it up slightly.

Nel could likely be someone with earth dominant with water following after in his natal chart if you are interested in astrology. 

(I am getting a feeling that Nel might have an earth sun and water moon, taurus energy too, he likely likes the finer things in life and does not mind splurging where he deem is worth it)

(I am also getting the feeling that you have air and water dominant in your chart, leo sun with air moon/ rising) [Please tell me if this is true, I’m trying to improve, thank you! :D]

You likely want someone energetic but drama-free, someone who provides you comfort when you are out of your comfort zone, be it trying new things or when you’re in a tough spot in your life as well as someone who would remind you to take care of yourself. 

You likely prefer men who leans more towards the hairy side of the spectrum when it comes to appearance. 

In addition, you would also like for them to be spiritual or at least someone who is open about spirituality one way or another.

You want someone who is able to provide you guidance gently and patiently. 

You might also need to be patient with your partner as here as they are likely one who would prefer to approach you after thinking things through while you might prefer to immediately have a discussion.

What does 🌻 Nel wants in this relationship? Crocodile; Son (Knight) of Cups, 10 of Swords, Son (Knight) of Swords, 8 of Wands and 4 of Pentacles

Please prepare yourself 🌻 Valentina. Please read through this entirety before overthinking.

Nel is likely still thinking about his past relationship, this could be romantic, platonic, family etc. However, this person affected him a lot and could still be in contact with him currently.

He wants someone that does not lash out suddenly but is able to snap him out of himself when he got too absorb in the past. He wants someone strong and firm with him in this regards. as he is still has quite a bit to learn regarding emotional stability. 

He is likely someone who prefers to keep to themselves when he has a problem and overthinks. This makes himself the worst enermy to him, which is when you come in. He wants someone who can get him moving.

For example:

Him: *Brooding and overthinking about someone with millions of potential scenarios* 

You: Snap, snap boy! Get your shit together, it ain’t a big deal and you don’t know hoe it’ll end if you never start. 

Him: But...

You: JUST DO IT!!!! 

Him: A’ight girl, I’m moving, I’m moving.

You: FASTER!!!!

Him: OKAY, OKAY, MOVING!

Something like that.

He’d likely have a plan put together after a while of pondering on the problem but needs the push to get started in implementing it.

He’s likely someone who is creative artistically and could be surprisingly passionate about things which could come off as a surprise as he tends to protray a much more toned down when speaking about his passion. He’d be happy if you could recognise them and praise him. (He might try to be cool about your praise but he’s jumping right up cloud by cloud to cloud nine internally)

He likes to be in control and panics if he’s not, especially when it comes to the materialistic world. He would like someone who can calm him down and supprot him when that happens. He likely needs to learn to let go of control and let things flow. 

What does 🌻 Valentina needs in this relationship? Mother of Cups, Judgement, 6 of Pentacles and 2 of Cups

You need a someone who is emotionally mature and is able to provide tender comfort, hugs, when you don’t feel the best. Preferably, those that listens to you ranting, crying and be like ‘it’s okay babe’ type compared to the solving all your issues/ being a ‘professional’ problem-solver, at least initially. After a while, if the problem persist than he would sit down with you to discuss how to tackle the problem together.

You should get hugs. You’ll feel better with hugs.

You need someone who have strong morals and objective, especially during tough times when your feelings are more volatile. Someone’s whose able to stay calm and logical and provide guidance in tough times. 

10 and 2 might be numbers you’d like to take note of if they are repetitive during certain periods, especially 1010. 

You need someone committed in the relationship who’s not playing around and someone you can connect to on the emotional level. 

In addition, your relationship should not progress too fast. You are likely to be impatient and wants immediate results but you should slow down.

Your relationship should grow like a plant, carefully and tenderly and overtime, bears fruits and flowers. Recognize the smaller things and be grateful to them, don’t let expectations shift your attention from them. Enjoy the journey and you’ll find happiness closer than you think. 

What does 🌻 Nel needs in this relationship? Temperance, Ace of Sups, 4 of Swords

He needs someone to balance him out in the relationship, someone opposite to him is ideal. For instance, when he gets too inactive in the physical world, he needs someone who could toss him out of whatever hole he’s in and get moving or if he gets too panicky about a situation, he needs someone who’s chill in that situation. Generally, someone to bring him back into balance when he gets too extreme in any particular situation.

He needs someone who is like a breath of fresh air to him or rather, he needs to recognize that you are a different person compared to whoever he is very affected by back when we were speaking about in what he wants in this relationship. 

He needs someone who is mentally strong who can help him improve mentally. Again, he tends to overthink and make a small issue seem much larger than it is which could very likely leads to self-deprecating. 

Remember all these stated is vice versa, both of you can and should improve together, this is stated in the generally manner of things, especially when things get tough for one or both of you.

Remember it’s:

Both of you VS Issue

NOT 

You VS Him

Sit down, sip some good tea and discuss the issue. Write points down and address them if that helps.

Advice for 🌻 Valentina:

Helping her boyfriend 17 Minimus, 24 Paradisiacal, 6 Epiphany

Guide him through his tough times through discussions. Help him find the source of the issue that is bothering him and discuss methods to help/ solve the issue as likely he would have trouble identifying the source.

Be yourself not what you expect what he wants you to be. It is definitely understandable that both of you want to be as perfect as possible to each other but don’t compromise your unique qualities because they are amazing. They are, in fact, one of the most effective and unconscious efforts to bring him to recognize that you are not someone else and to not associate you with someone else. Be confident in your own skin!

Words of affirmations and hugs for him, especially since he’d have a tendency to degrade himself mentally. Smack your affection and how you view him into his face and shove it down his throat. He needs to know how amazing he is and you are happy to be with him but will be happier if he recognize more of his worth. Scream it at him. Text him. Leave notes. Attack him with hugs and kisses. Whatever that both of you fancy. Don’t go too crazy though. (Don’t take the screaming advice, it’s not advice but if it works go ahead)

On yourself: 5 Gilded Regret

Accept the past for what’s it to be. It’s alright to think about the past but remember the past is the past. Be it yours or his. Don’t let it linger and affect you, him and/or your relationship because of what has already left. 

This is applicable to your boyfriend as well.

To improve this relationship: 

43 Owl Spirit - You see clearly now

Quiet down and observe. You already know what’s needs to be done. You can see it clearly and not through a fog now. You have the power to see things clearly and decide. 

You hold power here. You are the empress here. You know the wise decision. Don’t rush, don’t panic. 

Simply observe and you’ll know. Be objective and listen to your intuition.

57 Squirrel Spirit - Believe in yourself

Be confident. Don’t keep relying on others. It’s good to hear opinions but they shouldn’t be the foundation of your actions or how you see your relationship or anything connected to your relationship to be. They should only provide another view to look at the situation.

You know best here. Accept and see different views before acting. Trust yourself and what your intuition and mind tells you.

28 Frog Spirit - Clear out the clutter

Don’t cling on to what’s not there. 

Release what needs to be. Communicate with your boyfriend and understand each other. What is it about each other that has changed? Observe and learn to accept them. 

Don’t bring the past into your relationship. Look at the present and the future, they are more important and requires both of your attention, not the past.

Understand where the foundation of your relationship lies. Understand what keeps the relationship strong and what weakens the relationship.

You do not need to toss out what weakens the relationship but communicate and improve on the weaknesses and create something out of them to strengthen your relationship. Once done, be grateful and release what is then in the past.

Don;t play games. Don’t explode. 

Calmly present your emotions and wear your heart on your sleeve.

25 Elephant Spirit - Learn from the past

Again, learn from the past but don’t hold on to them. Appreciate what had happen and let them go.

Don’t let the past affect your emotions and the relationship.

Build on the past but never linger too long. 

The past is like a museum, something to be appreciated from time to time but never affecting you more than what it had already did.

The divine spirit guides are guiding you, don’t worry.

35 Koala Spirit - Spirit has a plan

Do not worry, the divine spirit guides are guiding you, lighting your way however small the light might be. Don’t panic when things doesn’t seem to be going as expected or if something seems off. 

Make sure to separate what came about from overthinking or rose-coloured glasses from the truth of things.

26 Flamingo Spirit - Embrace the in-between

Learn to appreciate even the smallest of things. 

Learn to appreciate the good side in every bad situation and the bad side in every good situation. 

Appreciate what is between the both of you. It is something beautiful and should be treated with respect and kindness. 

It’s the little things, you know. People tend to forget that. 

Bring them into your daily life. 

Oh, you cooked? Thank you, it’s amazing.

Oh, tired? You’d worked hard.

You washed the dishes? Thank you, that’s very thoughtful of you.

Love even the smallest of things and you’ll be surprised at how much love can be accumulated. Every little counts, right?

Anything you feel even remotely about, say it. Communicate it. Don’t let them be stored within you. You should share what the other had done that made you happy. Cheesy? Probably. Worth it? Damn straight it is. Sharing is caring.

4 Badger Spirit - Be fearless and bold

Be confident. Trust yourself and your intuition. Step up to initiate something. The box we mentioned that represents your relationship has many layers. It’s time to break them to shine greater. 

Don’t limit yourself. Don’t limit the potential. 

It can be destabilizing but what’s good doesn’t come cheap. 

We always say that the more challenges you’d overcome, the stronger you are. We can say the same with any relationship. Always remember that in this relationship, you overcome the hurdles together not separately. Work together, not against each other.

I believe that you already understood the areas you can improve on in this relationship. All the best to the both of you! May this relationship blossom beautifully. (Remember to tend to the weeds, water it and love and care for it)

If you require more assistance, please feel free to ring our doorbell again! 

We hope this had helped you, 🌻 Valentina!

For now, the little birdie shall return home 🏡 ~ Ring our doorbell whenever!

Rest well 💤 ~

[cottonblush]

stained glass | kth (1)

❧ word count: 8,488

❧ genre: fluff, angst-ish with a happy ending

❧ notes: love when my laptop always autocorrects namjoon to bamboo when i swear i’ve hit ‘add to dictionary’ at least 600 times. anyway this is a little more serious than my other fics but i really wanted to write about this trope/au! please accept my unedited garbage! idk how many parts it’ll be split into or if there will be a spinoff or not.. we’ll just have to see

❧ warnings: mentions of underage sex, sexual harassment, and sexist behavior in the office

You can feel the dull pain in your neck and the knots starting to form in your hunched back as you type out the last few statements of your assigned report. The bright red of the Jeon Corp. logo on the top of the document casts a subtle glow upon your small, yet well decorated cubicle that was assigned to you when you first began your internship at the company.

A large palm finds its way to your shoulder, effectively startling you enough for you to release a small yelp. Moments later, a familiar voice fills your ears, "Did you get the email too?"

"Jesus, Namjoon! Don't scare me like that. And what email?"

"This one," your fellow intern/friend says as he shoves your swivel chair to the side with his hips, taking over your spot in front of your computer. He uses the mouse to navigate to the company mail application, ignoring your protests as his wide chocolate orbs comb through each message. He stops at an email titled, 'IMPORTANT: Meeting @ 2.30, ALL Interns Requested to Attend.'

Your eyes rake through the words, dread filling your senses as each registers in your brain.

"Another pointless meeting? It’s not like they ever acknowledge us anyway. We just have to sit there and take notes for the dumb higher-ups who'll probably just toss them in the trash right after," you bemoan.

"Yeah," Namjoon agrees, "but you have to admit it's better than sitting on these crappy chairs all day. They're so uncomfortable I swear they're giving me scoliosis after just a month. And besides, I'll save you a seat so we can just gossip the whole time."

Reluctantly, you concede, knowing there's nothing you'd rather be doing than picking up dirt on the snobby people several floors above you, and tell your friend to sneak you a Chocolate Chip Cliff Bar if he happens make a stop at the break room.

As Namjoon saunters back to his own cubicle in another room, you crack your knuckles and quickly type out the appropriate title for your report before sending it off. You grab your favorite stress ball from one of your shelves, a small squish toy in the shape of Rilakkuma, giving it a few squeezes while you spin around in your swivel chair. A heavy sigh leaves your mouth, the air escaping your body causing your form to deflate like an old balloon.

Your life has been quite monotonous lately, and if you're being honest with yourself, you'd like nothing more than to skip all of your tiresome college classes and set all of your office paperwork ablaze. A nice, relaxing vacation by a beach somewhere would be a nice touch.

Unfortunately, reality isn't quite so kind for you as you're snapped out of your reverie by the sound of your fellow interns shuffling out of their seats in order to head to the meeting. Picking yourself up out of your seat, you grab your company notebook and a pen just in case you're required to take notes once again.

Finding a place next to Namjoon just as promised, the corners of your lips tilt upwards in a soft smile when you hear the crinkling of a familiar wrapper coming from the man's pocket.

"That'll be a million bucks, Miss Y/n," he says, mirth lacing his voice as he offers you a smile of his own.

"Hey, my parents might be rich but since the so called daddy's girl isn't taking over the business, she's not getting any inheritance."

Namjoon blanches at your statement, "Seriously?! What are they gonna do with all that money?"

"I don't know. Probably bury it somewhere so no one can get their hands on it."

You clear throat as the meeting begins, the main source of light transitioning from the lightbulbs overhead to the large projector screen on one of the walls.

The meeting is nothing new, nothing important. You and Namjoon whisper back and forth for the first half and during the second half, you begin to daydream. When your boss announces all of the interns can take their leave, you almost jump out of your seat. You're walking alongside one of your other coworkers, a new intern named Jaehyun, when something catches your eye from the corner of your peripheral vision.

"I'll catch up, okay? Give me a second, Jae," you say as you stop in your tracks and look around to see if anyone is watching you. He does as told and offers a small wave, walking back to the dark and gloomy second floor intern cubicles.

You think the big, bold 'confidential' sprawled across the first page of the document could be a sign from above telling you to just go back to your own desk, but you can't ignore the burning curiosity rooted deep within you. Plus, whoever decided to leave a confidential document open on their computer for everyone to see is a real dumbass who probably has it coming anyway.

You take your time revealing the other parts of the document, the clicks of the scroll wheel on the mouse reverberating through your hand and doing nothing to stop the anticipation that has captured your breath.

What really takes your breath away is the contents of the document, your sockets widening and a sharp gasp passing through your lips.

"Hybrid experiments? I thought this company didn't test on hybrids. That's practically their whole catch."

The sounds of more people leaving the conference room causes you to abruptly snap upright, but not before restoring the document to how you first found it. You brush the imaginary dust off your outfit, doing your best to act natural and as not-suspicious as possible as you walk stiffly towards the staircase.

You descend the stairs with a sense of urgency, closing the door behind you quickly yet softly as to not draw any attention to yourself.

"Namjoon! Jaehyun!"

Said men raise their heads in curiosity when they see you scurrying towards them as fast as your patent pumps can carry you.

"You'll never guess what I just found," you mutter, chest heaving up and down as you pull the two of them closer by the backs of their chairs. They sit next to each other and you're about to complain about how you don't have any fun people around to keep you company when your brain reminds you that you have bigger fish to fry.

Jaehyun, being the angel he is, offers you a water bottle from his desk, and you take a considerably large gulp before returning it to him with a sheepish expression crossing your visage.

"So," you start when finally catch your breath, "Remember how I told you to go ahead? I saw this thing open on someone's computer that said confidential. And like, if you don't want me reading it, don't leave it out for me to see, right? So I checked what it was about and I found all of these results from experiments; experiments that they're doing on hybrids!"

You're practically shaking at this point, your demeanor a sharp contrast to the quiet tone you've managed to maintain.

"Maybe you're delirious from all that time in front of your computer," Jaehyun offers, trying to be the voice of reason in the situation.

On the other hand, Namjoon's curiosity has also been piqued seeing as his own girlfriend, Hana, is a hybrid herself and he knows she'd be livid if it were true.

He asks carefully, "Are you sure about this? That's a big accusation."

"I know what I saw," you say with a huff and hints of a pout tugging at your lips. "I have to get to the bottom of this. And I think I know just how to do it."

Jaehyun warns you to be careful, a pensive look crossing his face as he places a hand on your shoulder. However, deep in his eyes, you can tell he wants to know too. He wants to know if the company he's decided to dedicate a large amount of his time to is practicing such things that are completely against his moral compass.

You shrug off the hand on your shoulder and pull up a chair, explaining in hushed tones of how you're planning to dig into the matter. You happen to know the CEO personally, a family friend going back decades, and you're sure to cross paths at one of the many dinner parties you're always being forced to attend. You plan on approaching him under the guise of wanting research experience to go towards your degree as a hybrid veterinarian.

Just days after the discovery, you find yourself standing in front of the full length mirror in your apartment. A silk dress the color of the night sky adorns your figure, cutting off just a couple inches above the knee. Laying itself atop your collarbone is a delicate diamond pendant attached to a white gold chain. You give yourself a once over, fingers brushing through your hair and wiping away at a bit of smudged eyeliner.

A knock on your front door signals you to grab your clutch and get ready to leave. You swing the large door open to reveal your childhood friend, Jihyo. She looks just as dolled up as you, but unlike you, she looks quite uncomfortable in her fancy getup. Her family isn't as well off as yours so she isn't quite used to all of the glitz and glamour. She wasn't officially invited to the gathering but you begged her to come along because you dread having to sit alone in a room while all the other people your age brag about all they have.

"You look gorgeous," you say, crimson painted lips twisting into a pleasant smile. You don't allow her to deny your comment, instead linking your arm with hers and closing the door behind you.

Of course, you told Jihyo your plan as soon as you could and she is 100% on board. She's volunteered herself to be your backup in case anything goes wrong.

"You remember the plan, right?"

"Of course. You get the CEO alone and if things start to get ugly, I'll bust in and say my babysitter called telling me my cat had a stroke."

"Perfect!"

The sound of champagne glasses clinking against each other cuts through the smooth sound of the jazz band playing one of its many ambient songs. Men and women are dressed to the nines, mingling with each other through small talk that no party is likely to remember. As a waiter passes by, you pick up two glasses of liquid courage for yourself and Jihyo.

"Cheers," you mutter as you down the contents of the elegant glass in one shot and part ways with your friend in order to look for the CEO.

Like you expected, he's surrounded by many significantly younger women, unable to resist their youthful charms, yet not making any public moves due to the obvious gold band wrapped around his finger. His wife, your godmother, happens to be away on a business trip of her own.

"Mr. Jeon," you call out to the older man, making your presence known to him and his posse and at the same time trying to keep the bile from erupting from your stomach. He always liked younger women, you knew that, but never in your life did you expect to find yourself here trying to catch his attention through such a petty manner.

When Jeon Junghoon notices you, your entire figure almost shivers. In just a few seconds, it seems like he manages to take you apart with his eyes alone. His pitch black orbs flash with something cold and raw before switching to his regular amiable gaze.

"Y/n, how wonderful it is to see you! Come sit and tell me how you've been," the man says, indirectly shooing away the other ladies sitting with him on the long velvet sofa. As you take your place beside him, he wraps an arm around you and reminds you, "I told you to call me-"

"I have something to ask you about, Mr. Jeon," you cut him off concisely. Even though your parents are friends with him, it does not mean you're willing to get buddy-buddy with the man. "I really didn't mean to pry, but while I was at the office the other day, I happened to notice a document about hybrid testing."

"Oh, you must be mistaken. We don't experiment on hybrids, sweetheart," the CEO says in a sickly sweet tone.

"That's a shame, then, because I was actually about to ask if I could take part in the research. As you know, it's my dream to become a hybrid veterinarian. I could use any research opportunities I can get, whether I'm able to officially document hours or not. Oh well. It sure is unfortunate."

"Wait," Mr. Jeon calls out to you, grasping your arm with one of his clammy hands as you get up to leave. You smirk and internally rejoice as he takes the bait. "Come to my office on Monday. I'll be there to personally show you around."

He can't see it, but the face your making when he all but purrs at you is so full of disgust that Jihyo notices it from her place at the bar. She hops out of her stool and scurries over to you, missing how the bartender calls her name and holds out a glass of sparkling water.

"Y/n, we have to go! My cat just had a stroke!"

You really want to thank Jihyo for her impeccable timing, but for now, you put on your best worried expression and run towards her, encasing her in a tight hug. You enunciate, not forgetting to throw a look to Mr. Jeon over your shoulder, "Oh no! That's awful. Sorry, Mr. Jeon, but I have to go. Jihyo's had Mittens since her mom passed. He was her last gift to her."

As the two of you open the doors to the mansion that this get together is taking place in, you're met with a gust of cool wind. You hurry over to the main gates of the property, politely asking one of the guards to call you an Uber.

"Mittens, my ass," Jihyo says. "Sometimes it stuns me how easily you can come up with those stories."

You laugh heartily at that, pointing out to her, "Hey, it's not all made up. I used to have a stuffed animal named Mittens that my favorite nanny gave me."

You and Jihyo are especially giggly, whether it be from the alcohol or the fact that you fooled such an experienced man, and you can barely make it into the car that pulls up, both wobbly and struggling to walk.

The driver is a young man named Chris and he tells you that he's actually a student at the same university as you, but he's an Uber driver at nights so that he can cover the expensive cost. He's a sweet guy, offering to help you both up to your apartment, but you assure him that you can make it to the elevator.

Jihyo groans as you support each other and walk towards the towering building, "Ugh, Y/n, why'd you send him away?"

"You're telling me you wanna invite a guy over to my house? Are we all supposed to share the bed? I know it's a king size but it'll be cramped."

"Like you would even mind, Y/n. He was hot."

Stepping into the elevator and pressing the button for the seventh floor, you tell your now drowsy friend, "Well, it's too late not but maybe you'll see him around campus. Ask him out then."

Unfortunately, Jihyo is already passed out and drooling on your shoulder, so you tell yourself to remind her when she comes to.

The weekend is over in what feels like a matter of seconds. You think the time flew by due to your anticipation. Before you know it, your last class for the day is finished and you're already heading over to your division of the Jeon Corp. buildings.

You let out a shaky breath as you enter the elevator leading to the top floor. You can do nothing but stare at your shoes until you hear the familiar ding and the doors opening to reveal a private office spanning the space of an entire floor.

Much to your surprise (and chagrin), Mr. Jeon greets you just steps away from the elevator, a hand snaking around to your lower back as he guides you to his desk.

"Have a seat, my dear," he expresses with a tone that you think he thinks is appealing, but sounds to you like a beached whale. "Is there anything you want? To drink, I mean."

You honestly can't comprehend how this man possibly thinks he's the least bit attractive, but you swallow your crude opinions and force a smile on your face.

"No, I'm fine," you express, though his assistant is already placing a small glass of water in front of you.

The man in front of you explains that the lab only operates during the day and should be closing up any minute now, seeing as the minute hand on his watch is quickly approaching five o'clock. In just a few minutes, he says he'll take you down to the lab and give you a tour. In the meantime, he explains your assigned position. You simply have to collect vitals for each of the subjects and make sure each of them is in top condition, a task that seems easy enough.

The two of you head down to the underground levels a little after five. When the elevator doors open, you're greeted by the sight of an all white room. There are smaller rooms with glass walls, each containing two to three bunk beds, a water fountain, and a room you assume to be a restroom. On another side of the floor is the computer and research lab. All kinds of medical equipment is stored in cabinets that line the walls from floor to ceiling.

You insist on a quick tour so you can take the time for yourself to get acquainted with the area, and luckily enough, the CEO's phone rings at the same time, calling him in for an urgent board meeting.

As you observe the rooms where the hybrids are, you notice that most of them are quiet and reserved, almost like they've acknowledged that this is just how life will be for them. However, there are two particular hybrids that stand out to you, each in separate rooms. One is a cat hybrid, though you could probably call him a kitten since he looks so young. His eyes are wide and untrusting as he sits up straight on one of the lower bunks. Dark circles surround his chocolate colored eyes, sleep dragging his eyelids down, but fear keeping them open. You think to yourself that he must be new.

The other hybrid is an older cat hybrid, though it acts more like a dog, tail practically wagging behind him as he looks at you with curiosity through the thick glass walls.

You decide to visit the younger hybrid first, quickly typing in your newly acquired code into the keypad next to the door and watching as it slowly opens and closes once you step in.

The young kitten is extremely shy, curling in on himself when he notices you approaching. The others in the room either look on with mild curiosity or are busy sleeping.

"Hi," you greet, sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the floor as to not threaten the hybrid. "My name's Y/n. Can you tell me your name?"

"J-Jisung. Are you going to hurt me, miss?"

"No, of course not! I just want to get to know you, that's all. Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?"

"My birthday is February 5th. I'm s-sixteen years old."

"Okay, that's great, Jisung! How about some stuff that you like?"

"Um, my favorite color is green. And I like the number seven. I think it's lucky."

"That's so cool! Green's my favorite color too. And did you know I actually live on the seventh floor of my apartment building? I'd have to say this meeting was destined."

This sort of light conversation continues for a while. You try to get Jisung to come out of his metaphorical shell and he does, just a bit. By the time you're saying goodbye, he's waving at you with a small smile, tail sitting calmly on his bed.

You make it your mission to visit every single room and introduce yourself, seeing as you'll be working with the hybrids very soon. Some of them give you smiles and waves, some offer you a disinterested glance or two, and others you don’t get to introduce yourself to since they're already asleep.

Finally, you find yourself in front of the room at the very end, the room that houses the energetic cat hybrid that you first noticed.

You don't even get to say a single word before the aforementioned hybrid is bounding up to you.

"I'm Taehyung! What's your name, pretty lady?"

You don't know if it's because of the close proximity or the fact that this man has to be the most breathtaking person you've ever seen, but your cheeks begin to flush and the room starts to feel a couple degrees hotter. You can't help but notice how his ears blend in perfectly with the soft and fluffy brown hair atop his head. And the way his eyes don't just reflect the fluorescent lights above, but turn them into gleaming diamonds.

Clearing your throat, you say, "My name's Y/n. I'll be working here starting in a couple days so hopefully we'll see each other pretty often."

You want to ask how Taehyung manages to keep himself busy, seeing as the other hybrids don't seem like the types that can keep up with his boundless energy. However, it seems Taehyung has a multitude of questions of his own, ranging from how old you are and what your dreams are to how you like your eggs in the morning.

Of course, you're glad to answer all of his questions, laughing lightly when he jumps in glee after you say you like your eggs scrambled with a bunch of vegetables.

Taehyung isn't afraid to talk about his dreams either. He wants to be a photographer. He wants to see the world and all it has to offer. The way he talks about the world is with such passion and excitement that you can't help but swear to yourself that in some way, shape, or form, you will bring the world to Taehyung. His eyes that light up at almost every word you say are definitely captivating, but you find yourself drawn to his personality like a kindred spirit.

As much as you love the lighthearted conversation you're having with Taehyung, you have to bring up the real reason you came down to the lab. Carefully, cautiously, in a hushed tone, you ask what kinds of experiments are run here. What are they testing for?

The cat hybrid pulls you to his bed and sits you down before plopping down and scratching his head in deep thought. After a while, he explains that the testing only began fairly recently, so that would probably explain why people are so tight-lipped. They do all kinds of experiments such as how hybrids respond to certain drugs and products, much like animal testing. However, since Jeon Corp. has recently entered the market of hybrid products as well, they also have the hybrids try different food and treat formulas and review products in development.

All of this confirms your suspicions. You would be fine if they were just conducting an experiment to see what different hybrids like, similar to a test study or a survey (it's not uncommon as the hybrid market is rapidly growing). However, not only are they doing more harmful experiments, they also advertise to the public that they are an experiment free company.

Other hybrids start to pitch in too, offering their experiences with the researchers that poke and prod at them from time to time. What truly shocks you, though, is how they admit to it so naturally, as if that's all they've ever known.

The sinking feeling in your stomach reminds you of your true mission and you sadly have to say goodbye. Making sure no one sees, you whip out your phone and open it to the camera app. Discreetly, you swipe over to the video option and click the red record button, placing the phone by your ear so it looks like you’re on a phone call.

You try to avoid the prying eyes of the security cameras as you walk around the lab, making sure to capture each and every part. You only stop recording once you've returned to the floor you usually work at and the elevator doors close behind you.

Heaving out a large sigh, you press your eyelids closed for a moment, allowing your mind some time to take in all of the new information you just learned. Your suspicions are correct and though you feel some pride in being right, you're overcome by sadness for the poor hybrids stuck in those rooms.

"I told you it was real," you drawl out, sliding your phone across the table that you, Jaehyun, Namjoon, and Hana are sitting at. You let the couple watch the video (you already showed Jaehyun as he'd arrived first), getting up to get your drink when the Starbucks barista calls out a butchered version of your name.

You sip on your mango dragonfruit refresher quietly, allowing all the focus to be on the low quality video you captured on your phone. It's blurry and you can see strands of your hair in the corners since the phone was up against your ear, but anyone can tell that there's a lab several floors beneath the office.

"So," Hana starts, "what's next?" The furry ears nestled in her dyed red hair are twitching in anticipation.

Taking on a more serious disposition and handing the rest of your drink to Jaehyun, who's been asking to try since you got it, you explain, "First, I have to get them to trust me. Right now, they're just going to have me collect vitals, so I won't be around for the actual testing part. Hopefully, in some time and with some persuasion, I'll be able to watch. And that's where you come in, Hana. You're a journalism major, so I'm assuming you can get your hands on some pretty high quality film equipment. But for this, I'm going to need something small and portable; something that won't be easy to detect. Like one of those spy camera pens but actually decent. Don't worry, I can cover the cost on my own since I'm the one bringing you into all this.

"Jaehyun, if there's ever any trouble, I'm going to need you and your gorgeous biceps to punch a few dudes for me. If I'm lucky, it won't have to come to that. And Namjoon, well, you can just sit tight and try not to break anything. Sound good, sweetheart?"

Jaehyun tries not to laugh at that, not-so-discretely muffling a giggle and instead focusing on flexing his arms that you complimented moments ago. On the other hand, Hana is practically howling of laughter (which is to be expected since she is a Siberian Husky hybrid after all).

"Aw, Joon, don't be discouraged," she coos to her downtrodden companion. "At least you have something to do."

To be fair, Namjoon does take his job very seriously. Whenever you come in to work, you notice he seems to be walking on eggshells, but you've heard that he's yet to drop a stack of papers or break a coffee mug. You have a bet going with Jaehyun on when he'll finally lose his streak (Jaehyun thinks Namjoon won't last a week, but you have faith in the guy).

Other than that, there isn't really a change in the office. Other than the face that you now visit a top secret underground lab twice a week in which everything seems to be going surprisingly smooth.

You've started taking out small groups of hybrids, though they're only allowed out for so long, and you're only allowed to do so because you promised it will 'help with their mental health.' You already start to see a change in the hybrids. They're excited to see you now. Ears twitch and tails wag whenever you come to visit. Even the quiet recluse of a goldfish hybrid, Nayoung, offers a meek smile now and then.

On your little adventures, you take them to places you would normally go like the library and different coffee shops. But the hybrids' absolute favorite place is the park. It's quite large, so the dog hybrids have plenty of space to run, there are various species of butterflies that the cat hybrids love to chase around, and there's even a pond that Nayoung likes to dip her feet in.

There is one anomaly, though. The only thing Taehyung seems to want to do is spend time with you. You find it awfully endearing, the way he stares at you like you're the literal sun. You no longer flush under his inquisitive gaze, but you do get a little shiver every time he grabs your hand, which is pretty often.

It's another week before you get your very own employee badge that grants access to the lab, but when you do, the first thing you do is sneak Taehyung out after hours.

The two of you always talk about the things you want to see and the places you want to go. Taehyung wants to see the Aurora Borealis, but you doubt you could get him far enough north and back without anyone noticing, even with the use of your family's private jet. Instead, you settle for the ice rink. It's late September and the last place you'd likely find people is at the ice rink, but it's opening week and you can't think of a better time to visit.

Swiping your season pass against the scanner at the entrance—Jihyo made you buy one with her when the rink opened two days prior since she's a competitive skater and drags you to her practices often—you skip up to the counter where a kind older woman asks you for your shoe sizes. After telling her yours and Taehyung's, she hands you two pairs of skates.

You're quick to sit down and start putting your skates on, figure hunched over as your fingers easily maneuver the laces into the hooks. You're almost finished with your first foot when out of the corner of your eye, you notice Taehyung staring blankly at the shoes in his hands, not knowing where to start.

You giggle at this, sliding off your skate so that you can comfortably sit on the ground in front of the abashed hybrid, and reassure, "Don't worry, Taehyung! It took me weeks to learn how to tie laces on my own. You can be Cinderella and let me put on your shoes for you." That causes him to brighten up, tail upright with excitement as he nods along.

Within minutes, both of you have your shoes securely on your feet and Taehyung is wobbling all over the place, not used to balancing on thin blades. You try not to laugh at him, but offer your hand as a means to get some form of balance. Taehyung (unsurprisingly at this point) grabs your whole arm instead, form hunched over from the height difference between the two of you.

As soon as you step on the ice, the mild discomfort in your arm and the fact that you have a man significantly heavier than you using you as an anchor seem to dissipate, outshined by the gleaming sight that is Taehyung's smile.

The cat hybrid exclaims, "This is the coolest thing ever! Hey, Y/n. Do you think the person who invented ice skating decided to just tie knives to their feet and go out onto a frozen pond?"

An airy laugh escapes you as you respond, "No. I don't think that's exactly how it went down."

"Then how was ice skating invented?"

"I'm not quite sure, actually."

"Well, how do you know I'm wrong? My idea totally could've happened."

You don't respond to that, instead choosing take both of the hybrid's abnormally large hands in your own and lead him slowly into the center of the rink. When you offer to teach him how to skate properly, he jumps in excitement, momentarily forgetting his surroundings and falling flat on his butt. Another round of giggles fills the otherwise empty building as you try to help Taehyung up without falling over yourself. When you finally manage to get him upright, he's eager to learn, following each of your commands without complaint.

Within about half an hour, he's got the hang of it. At least, he can skate around the outside of the ice with one hand on the walls alone. Getting back to the walls without your help? That was a bit of a struggle.

Time flies by and as you casually glance down at the thin rose gold plated watch on your wrist. your eyes widen by a fraction. Almost three hours have passed since you arrived, meaning it's almost midnight. It's almost midnight and you have an 8 A.M. lab in the morning.

You sadly inform Taehyung that it’s time to go, and even though his lips contorting into a sad pout almost have you giving in, you exit the rink and slip off your skates, waiting for him to follow suit.

Returning both pairs of skates to the lady at the counter, you give her an extra tip for letting you stay late when closing time is at 11.

The lady flashes a jovial smile, assuring, "It's fine, dear. I remember what it felt like to be young and in love. I hope the two of you have a wonderful evening!"

You feel your cheeks heat up just a bit at her sentiment but brush it off as you drag your companion away from the rink.

Once you return the young man to the lab and make your way back to your apartment, you release a tired sigh. Yeah, you're dead tired and it may or may not affect your performance in your lab in the morning, but you can't wipe the wide grin off your face.

Fortunately for you, you have some friends in the class that are willing to cover for you—that is, after you tell them about your late night and they thoroughly question you to see if the ever so elusive Y/n finally has a man in her life.

You manage to hurry back to your apartment that's quite close to most of your classes and squeeze in a quick power nap before your afternoon lecture, waking up feeling at least a little bit more refreshed. The last thing you do before heading back to the campus is unplug your phone. About to toss it in your bag, you notice the screen light up with notifications, one of them being from Hana. Your eyes quickly scan the text that says the older girl managed to find someone with the type of equipment you're looking for and wants to meet up. You quickly type out a reply saying that anytime after your lecture ends should be fine before grabbing a granola bar and closing your apartment door behind you.

Unfortunately for you, time could not go by any slower. You can feel your eyes start to droop as you listen to your Greco-Roman history professor move on to what seems like the thousandth topic for the day. You try to do anything to stay awake, poking your cheek with the end of your pen and focusing on the sound of the spring inside slowly coiling tighter. The professor eventually wraps up the lesson by assigning a reading for the next class and mentioning that there may or not be a quiz over the material, raising her brows at all the students when they grumble in response.

You're one of the first students out the door, muttering apologies to the people you shove past. To be fair, you're not running on much and all you want to do is chug six shots of espresso.

"Hana," you call out, seeing your friend already waiting for you at one of the campus' less popular Starbucks cafés (which doesn’t mean much since it's pretty much packed).

Sitting beside the hybrid is another girl who looks to be around the same age. You wave at the two of them before taking your place in line and perusing through the drink menu.

Once you have your drink, you take a seat across from the two ladies, introducing yourself to the unfamiliar face. In return, she says her name is Soyeon and that she's also part of the journalism department.

Formalities aside, you don't hesitate to get right down to business, "Hana tells me you can get your hands on the type of camera I need. If you don't mind me asking, do you think I could do a test run? I just want everything to run smoothly and to make sure audio can be heard clearly enough."

"That's fine," Soyeon assures. "It's actually not my camera. It belongs to my friend, but he's cool with you using it. You can stop by his dorm room any day at around 3-ish since he only has morning and evening classes. Here, if you give me your phone, I can add his contact info."

You unlock your phone and place it in Soyeon's awaiting hand, watching as she quickly types in a name, number, and address into your notes app. Taking back the phone and looking over the note, your eyes widen in recognition.

The note reads, 'Chris, +**********, Room 406 Bluebell Hall.' The number looks similar enough to that of the Uber driver that picked you up a while back, so you really hope Chris is short for Christopher.

You spend the rest of the hour chatting away, each taking turns to complain about the trivial problems in life. When the sky begins to darken, the three of you say your goodbyes and head off.

"Please, Jihyo," you beg, "I need you to pick up the camera for me! I'll owe you for like forever. I really can't go today but I already promised I would."

Your best friend narrows her eyes at you, scrutinizing gaze giving you a once over as she perks an eyebrow and says, "And just why can't you go?"

"I, um… I tore my ACL."

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Duh, it means I tore my ACL."

"Ok, you tore it doing what exactly? Whenever you're not in class or at your internship, you're on your bed or a couch."

"Hey! I do stuff. I just took up competitive squirrel watching. You'd be surprised at how much parkour skill it requires."

Jihyo rolls her eyes at your incredulous behavior, agreeing exasperatedly, much to your delight.

"Make sure to get a thorough demonstration," you call out just before she slams the front door shut.

You finally let go of your fake pained expression, an evil grin overtaking your face as you rub your hands together. You jump off your bed and walk to your kitchen, pulling out a packet of ramen and boiling some water.

You've slurped on all the noodles and are taking your first sip of the cloudy soup in your bowl when your phone lights up with a call.

You swipe the button right and answer in a muffled tone, mouth still slurping down the hot liquid, "Hello?"

"I don't know whether to hit you or thank you right now," comes Jihyo's voice on the other end of the line.

"Look, I didn't actually know it was him. I mean, I did, but I wasn't sure."

"Yeah, yeah. But I didn't even get a warning. I showed up looking like a slob."

"Shut up. You're literally always cute. If that's all, I'm hanging up. The ad break is over and Beyblade is back on. See you in a bit!"

"Wait, Y/n-"

You almost feel bad for the girl, but then you remember you just possibly set her up with a really cute guy and that one of your favorite shows is on the screen in front of you. You plop your phone on the couch beside you and place the ramen bowl back in your lap, waiting for Jihyo to come back to your apartment.

When she finally shows up, she's out of breath, tiny beads of sweat appearing on her otherwise clear forehead.

"The elevator," she practically wheezes, "is broken."

You feel bad for her, you really do. So many surprises in a day can't be good for her stress levels. However, she doesn't give you a chance to speak.

She sits down next to you (you want to tell her she's sitting on your phone but you aren't given the opportunity) and asks in a way that makes the situation feel somewhat akin to an interrogation, "I was going to say before I was so rudely hung up on, how come you never told me you're seeing someone new?"

You ask what she means and she explains that when she went in to practice at the ice rink, the old lady at the counter, Younghee, asked about you and your new beau, a cute hybrid.

You’re hesitant to explain, telling your friend that Taehyung is one of the hybrids from the research lab that you get to take out.

"Are you going out that late at night with all the hybrids? C'mon, this is dangerous enough."

"I swear this isn’t some Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side situation. I just- These hybrids need to see the world, Jihyo. I take the other hybrids on adventures too. But Taehyung? I swear, if you saw his smile when he first stepped on the ice or when he learned how to skate without holding onto the walls, you'd do anything in your power to see it again. He's… something special."

"Oh my god. Do you like him, Y/n?"

"I honestly don't know. I've only known him for a little bit. But I want to get to know him more. I-Is that wrong?"

"No! God, no! I just want you to be safe, that’s all. Promise me you'll be careful from now on?"

"Pinky promise."

The two of you wrap your tiny appendages around the other's, looking into each others eyes with soft smiles adorning your faces. You spend the rest of the evening binge watching Beyblade: Metal Fusion until you can barely keep your eyes open. You're too tired to send Jihyo off and you wouldn't want her walking all the way down the stairs and going home alone at night, so you reach over to the love seat on the other side of your coffee table and grab two throw blankets. You cover her in the thicker one before turning off the TV and tucking yourself in.

The two of you sleep like babies and it shows because you wake up with more than a little pep in your step. Sure, there's a little tension in your neck since you rolled on to the floor some time during the night, but it does nothing to stop you from humming all of your favorite tunes as you heat up a griddle to make pancakes for Jihyo and yourself.

The energy carries on throughout your day and by the time you're walking into the Jeon Corp. building, you're greeting every single person you pass with a smile.

When you pass Jaehyun in the break room, he inquires, "Did something happen? You seem extra perky today."

You tell him you're like this every day and skip back to your desk, his eyes trailing after you with a curious gaze. He soon snaps out of it and goes back to stirring creamer into his cup of coffee.

Swiping your lab badge from your purse, you head toward the elevator and press the appropriate button. As the each floor passes, you get increasingly excited to see all of your new friends.

The next couple hours progress smoothly and you begin to wait for something bad to happen because you can't remember the last time you had a 100% good day. However, luck seems to be on your side and once all the employees leave, you sneak back in.

Taehyung is already waiting for you, tying up the laces on his shoes. He asks enthusiastically, "Where to this time?"

"I'm thinking of taking you to my favorite ice cream place. We can even pick up a little snack for the others!"

Your favorite hybrid instantly agrees, following behind you as you lead him back up the elevator.

You've been going to the same ice cream place, Ivan's on Main, since you were a freshman. It's small and has a quaint atmosphere, fairy lights hanging on the walls casting a soft yellow glow on the cream colored walls. It was quite a popular place over the summer, people finally taking notice of the cute way they serve shakes in mason jars or bubble tea in lightbulb jars, but the buzz has died down now that the weather has cooled.

There's a jingle of a bell as you push the heavy door open and a gust of warm air washes over, contrasting from the cool air of the night.

"Hi, Gemma," you greet the wife of the owner who's in charge of manning the register. "I'd like a plain vanilla in a chocolate covered cone and he'll have… Taehyung, what would you like?"

"I kinda wanna try the cake batter and brownie chunk mix."

"He'll have one of those in the same kind of cone. How much will it be?"

After Gemma prepares your cones and rings you up, you take a seat in your favorite spot: a worn leather booth by the large window up front. Your eyes are trained on Taehyung's figure as he merrily licks away at his cone, eyes reflecting all of the pureness, innocence, and goodness in the world. The glow of the fairy lights makes the whole setting seem like that of a movie, too perfect to be real.

Taehyung is halfway through his own icy treat when he notices you haven't even started eating yours, melted cream dribbling down the side of the cone and onto your hand. He turns his curious eyes to your face, wrinkling his nose and asking if there's something wrong.

You're deep in thought and almost don't hear the hybrid's question, but you quickly trade in your all too serious face for a happier expression.

"No, not really," you say, though your gaze seems far away. "I guess I was wondering why you're stuck in that stupid lab when you have so much potential and hope."

Taehyung stops to look down at his hands for a while before clearing his throat.

"It's not really something I like to divulge."

You immediately sit up and insist, "You don't have to tell me! Especially if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry for bringing it up."

He shakes his head and says, "It's ok. I trust you, Y/n. It's just a little painful to remember. I actually had a family before this. The daughter, Yoona, and I, we had this forbidden love since her parents didn't approve of those kinds of relationships. But when I was with her, I felt like I could do anything, be anything. She made me feel whole. It was one of the happiest times in my life. But then Yoona's dad lost his job, and her mom was already a stay at home mom. They were about to get evicted when they found out about this opportunity: give your hybrid away for hybrid testing and receive a huge amount of money. I guess the temptation was too much because they signed the agreement without hesitation.

"The worst part is that on my last day with them, I told Yoona I loved her and would wait to see her again. And she laughed at me, told me she was just using me for sex and stuff like that. She told me I was naïve to believe that someone like me could ever be with someone like her."

At this point, your deep orbs are brimming with salty tears. You let out a sniffle and express, "I'm so sorry that happened to you, Taehyung. No one deserves to be treated that way."

"It's okay, it was years ago."

"Your owner was using you for sex years ago?! How old were you, Taehyung?"

"O-Oh, I think it started when I was thirteen and she was sixteen."

"Thirteen? That's crazy! You were just a kid. When I was thirteen, I thought having the biggest Silly Bandz collection was the only thing that mattered. Oh my god, our society is so dumb. If you weren't a hybrid, you could sue them."

Taehyung places a large, warm hand over yours, assuring you that it's all in the past. However, that statement only makes the feeling in your gut worse. He doesn't even seem to realize how unfairly he's been treated because he views himself that lowly. It's how he was raised to think.

Seeing you wiping tears from your cheeks, the light in your eyes slowly beginning to dim, Taehyung decides to change the subject. He asks about what Silly Bandz are and you let out a weak giggle. You tell him about how they're rubber bands in different shapes, nothing really special about them, but they were basically a form of currency back in middle school.

You end the evening with Taehyung's reassuring arm around your shoulders, steadying you as you walk back to the Jeon Corp. building. Once at his designated room, you turn to face him.

"I'm sorry, Taehyung, This was supposed to be my treat but you ended up taking care of me," you say with a pout.

"It's fine, really. I'm actually glad I could get that off my chest. You're the first person I've ever told that story."

"I'm honored you feel like you can trust me with that. I promise I'll never try to use you like they did."

Taehyung looks like he wants to add something else, words dancing on the tip of his tongue, but he settles for a 'goodnight' before shutting the door to his room.

[eldritchsurveys]

641.

Would you convert to a different religion if your fiancé/fiancée was of a different faith? >> Fortunately, this was never an issue. Even if she did have a religion, there’s no obligation for me to share it. I tend to be the one interested in religions (although the jury’s still out on whether I’d ever actually feel comfortable adopting one).

The world is ending, and you can save one group of five people: who would be the five people that you save? >> First of all, if the “world is ending”, then I do not want to be stuck as one of the six humans left to deal with the aftermath and trying to survive in an inhospitable landscape. Also, this is just way too implausible a situation for me to take seriously.

Is happiness a delusion? Is happiness only real when shared? Why or why not? >>The idealisation of happiness is a bit delusional, I guess, but it’s a shared, social delusion -- just look at all the “wellness” “self-help” “self-care [the “buy this thing” kind, not the real, practical kind]” nonsense being peddled to us on a daily basis. Any feeling that is not happy-cheery forced positivity is aberrant and pathological and has to be “fixed”. That’s not a healthy way to think, and I hate that we’re all made to feel that way about perfectly normal ass emotions. I don’t know if happiness is only real when shared. I’ve always had someone(s) Inworld to share my happinesses (and everything else) with, so I can’t speak as to what it’d be like if I didn’t.

What would the cover of your biography (presumably written by somebody else who never knew you, postmortem) look like? >> I... really have no idea.

Write about a really good or creative Tumblr URL that you see frequently on your dashboard. >> inflagrante-delicatessen is a funny one.

If swear words were not things like “shit” and “fuck” what would they be otherwise? >> That’s, like, impossible for me to predict.

Write a very vivid description of what is/would have been your most perfect way to lose your virginity. What is your exact definition of ‘losing your virginity’? Also: will you/would you have liked to save your virginity for marriage? Why or why not? >> I don’t really care about this, you know? It’s not like if my first experience was earth-shattering, it would have somehow made up for all the horrible experiences I had later. I don’t have a definition for “losing one’s virginity” because that’s not a phrase I like to use. I don’t like making a point of dividing people’s experiences into “before sex” and “after sex” to begin with, but also, just focusing on a certain kind of sexual act as a “goal” to reach or whatever is... kind of weird to me. The whole shit is just weird the more I think about it.

Write a six-word fortune cookie. >> I’d rather not.

Why do you think eyebrows exist? >> I don’t have a hypothesis about this, but I’m sure there’s some educated theories out there if I was ever curious (right now, I am not).

If you could only have one contact on your phone, who would it be? >> Sparrow is the only person whose phone number I actually use on a regular basis, so, her.

Your bucket list is limited to three items. >> I don’t have a bucket list, period.

Do you wake up first or do you open your eyes first? >> I assume that I wake up first, and then open my eyes? But maybe it’s the other way around, what do I know.

Write a love/thank you/appreciation letter to someone you take for granted. >> No.

What makes you feel infinitely sexy? >> Can Calah makes me feel sexy. King Crimson makes me feel sexy. Sexiness isn’t something I feel outworld.

Make a video and talk about something for two minutes. Anything. And don’t edit out any parts of it. >> Uh, no.

Write a poem you’d stick on a refrigerator. >> Also no.

Are you afraid of aging? Why? >> I’m not afraid of ageing. I actually look forward to seeing what the rest of my life will bring, especially internally. What I am afraid of is infirmity, degenerative illness, that sort of thing. I’m afraid of losing my personal quality of life. (I know there’s a lot to unpack in regarding one’s quality of life as diminished if one develops a physical disability or something, because people live full lives with those things all the time. But I cannot predict how a change of that magnitude would affect me, personally, and I worry that I will not be able to adapt.)

Describe one time you basically thought you were the shit, when your self-confidence was soaring through the roof. This is meant to be a positive thing. >> Hm. I can’t remember a time like that right now.

If there was one person you could get drunk with and kiss and then later blame it on alcohol, who would it be? >> I would not do that.

Does perfection exist? If the word perfection did not exist, what word would be in its place? What would perfection mean instead? >> I guess the concept exists, at least. I don’t know if it’s something I can measure and perceive.

The next book you see that has over 300 pages, open up to page 136. Find a sentence you like, copy it down, and then write about it. >> I don’t feel like getting up to grab a book.

Who makes you laugh the most? >> ---

What is one thing that you are proud of, that you think lacks praise/lacks appreciation from the people around you? It could be a simple thing; it could be a secret thing. >> I don’t really seek appreciation from the people around me, so I don’t know.

If you could accuse somebody of being fake/a bitch and not suffer any repercussions, who would you accuse, and how would you do it? >> I’d really rather not. What even would be the point?

What is the funniest one-liner Tumblr text post you’ve ever read? >> Dude, there are so many funny ass posts on this website. I collect them at @officialaynrand.

Rewrite a verse of lyrics from your favorite song. They have to sound good when you sing it out loud along to tune of the song. >> Nope. But I will say that my brain insists on hearing the “heavy metal broke my [heart]” line in Fall Out Boy’s Centuries as “heavy metal Pokémon” and even though I know the lyrics I still sing it like that because it just kills me every time.

If the SATs/grades did not exist, in what way should colleges/teachers evaluate applicants? >> I have no suggestions.

Do you feel at home in your home? Is home a place for you? A book? A thing? A person? What would you want your home to be? >> I feel at home in Xibalba. I feel at home in my room here in the apartment, too. But I guess I’d feel equally at home in any place as long as I have a room of my own, a controlled environment that belongs solely to me.

Write your own eulogy. >> “Mordred Shadow Lastname wishes to inform us, the gathered, that it is just as surprised by this turn of events as we are. Except it actually isn’t surprised, or anything else, because It’s too busy being dead. Surprisingly. The unbelievably-deceased would like to request that if someone asks how it died, it will haunt whoever dares to say something stupid like ‘natural causes’. Make up a good story or pass the mic to someone who will.” Dunno what else I’d put in a eulogy about myself. That’s not really for me to write, anyway. Funerals are for the living, they can write the damn thing.

What is something you felt like you deserved or should have belonged to you, but you never got? >> There is nothing I feel that way about.

Do you feel ‘connected to nature’? Do you frequent outside? Do you believe that a connection with the earth we live on is necessary in the first place? >> I mean... I love to be outdoors, but I also love to be in a server room. I feel the same sense of awe and connection in both settings. For me, there is no real difference between the organic states and the transmuted states of matter. It’s all matter, innit? I don’t believe that feeling connected to Earth is necessary. I believe it’s healthy, sure, and common, but I don’t believe it’s unhealthy to not have that connection, or to feel connected to something else instead. It’s possible that some future generation of Homo sapiens will be born on another planet. What happens to that supposedly-innate “connection to the Earth” then? (Will they feel connected to their home planet instead? Or, something else? Or, nothing?)

Your opinion on oral sex? >> I don’t have an opinion on it, exactly. Just a preference: I prefer not to give or receive it. That’s all.

If one TV show could be real, which one would you want it to be? Which one would screw our world over? >> That is a complex question with a lot of variables and I don’t think I feel like devoting mental energy on it right now.

How many kinds of love are there? >> I… don’t know? As many kinds as people can conceive, I imagine. Or maybe it’s all just one kind, with different expressions. *shrug*???

Which word needs to exist (or be used again)? >> I mean, if I thought a word should be used again, I’d just use it. That’s literally how it works. If it’s been phased out completely enough that no one remembers it and it’s not recorded anywhere, then I can’t want it back, because I’d have to know a thing used to exist in the first place in order to want it to exist again.

What is the absolute hardest thing about staying alive? >> This pesky nag called “death” that keeps asking, “are we there yet?!” from the backseat.

What is a book that has been recognized as ‘great literature’ that you dislike? Why? >> Oh, I don’t know. The only time I ever read “Literature(tm)” was in high school, so I don’t know how I’d feel about any of it now. I'm just not really interested in it.

What is one change that you would make/have made to your life that will make/has made it better? >> *shrug*

Is everything you do for yourself? Can you truly be selfless? >> No, not everything I do is solely for myself. I do things for others as well. But I don’t like doing things for others if doing so threatens my quality of life, survival, or mental health. I don’t think it’s possible for a human being to act without a single note of self-interest. I mean... isn’t the survival instinct an instinct of self-interest?

Are you the same person you were two and a half years ago? >> I’m not the same person I was a second ago. (I also am not the same person I was about... 5 or so years ago, but that’s a... different thing.)

Can you possibly conquer the labyrinth? >> What labyrinth? Jareth the Goblin King’s? I’d try my best to conquer it if only to get to dance in the ballroom scene with him.

As a hyper intelligent pan-dimensional being, what is the answer to the ultimate question, the life, the universe and everything? What is the ultimate question? >> The ultimate question is obviously “how the fuck does CatDog poop?”

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHAT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ABOUT JANUARY

In January 1995, we and a couple friends started a company called Artix. The forum troll I have by now internalized doesn't even know where to begin in raising objections to this project. Unfortunately picking winners is harder than that. They certainly delivered. As it turns out, VC-backed startups are not that fearsome. In the other languages mentioned in this talk—Fortran, C, Java, and Visual Basic—it is not clear whether you can actually get work done. One difference I've noticed between great hackers and smart people in general is that hackers are more politically incorrect. College trained one to be a member of the professional classes.1 But as knowledge has grown more specialized, there are more points on the curve, and the inexorable progress of hardware would solve your problems. Maybe it's a bad idea for a company.

Whoever controls the device sets the terms. But as long as it's possible to detect bias whether those doing the selecting want them to or not.2 Of all the great programmers he wanted. Apparently when Robert first met him, Trevor had just begun a new scheme for micropayments?3 A symbol type.4 Feel free to make it big.5 If any incompatibility arises, you can be wise without being very smart. Lisp function and show that it is. It's very common for a group of founders to go through one lame idea before realizing that a startup will make it big. To some extent this was because the companies themselves had become sclerotic. Bill Gates started either.6

But rather the erosion of forces that had been pushing us together were an anomaly, a one-time combination of circumstances that's unlikely to be repeated—and indeed, that we would not want to repeat. They certainly delivered. Most of our educational traditions aim at wisdom.7 So we ditched Artix and started a new company led boldly into the future of hardware, users would follow. Microsoft shows, revenue is a lagging indicator in the technology business. And I was a Reddit user when the opposite happened there, and sitting in a coma at their desk, pretending to work.8 It seems reasonable to suppose the newest one will too.9

I might into Harvard Square or University Ave in the physical world.10 And open and good is what Macs are again, finally.11 As for libraries, their importance also depends on the application. Great hackers think of it as a book.12 Or more precisely, in Trevor's office. The technology companies are right.13 This summer, as an experiment, and an experiment in a very young field. Back in the days of fanfold, there was a correct decision in every situation, and if you couldn't switch ladders, promotion on this one was the only way to read them. But when I went looking for alternatives to fill this void, I found practically nothing.14

Besides which, art dealers are the most extreme form of fluff. They get smart people to write 99% of your code, but still keep them almost as insulated from users as they would be able to say who cares what investors think? I don't know how you'd run such a class in practice. A lot of the obstacles to ongoing diagnosis will come from the fact that the best ideas look initially like bad ideas. But ITA made it interesting by redefining the problem in a more ambitious way. Note too that Cisco is famous for doing very little product development in house. Meaning that unpleasant work pays. Most of the stuff I accumulated was worthless, because I think we can now call a startup: having brilliant people do work in which people have to invent anything.15 They have a sofa they can take a nap on when they feel the same way that not drinking anything would teach you how much you depend on water. Startups are that constrained for talent. Some switched from meat loaf to tofu, and others by playing zero-sum games.

The core of ITA's application is a 200,000 line Common Lisp program that searches many orders of magnitude more possibilities than their competitors, who apparently are still using mainframe-era programming techniques. Most of our educational traditions aim at wisdom. This is the kind of people it wants. And if we don't, the US could be seriously fucked. Cancer will show up on some sort of radar screen immediately. Microsoft seems resigned to, there will be no more great new stuff beyond whatever's currently in the pipeline. I'm so optimistic about HN. Books are more like a fluid than individual objects.16 And the use of these special, reserved field names, especially __call__, seems a bit of a hack. Perhaps the absent-minded professor is wise in his way, or wiser than he seems, but he's not wise in the way Confucius or Socrates wanted people to be.17

You can only do that if you want to really understand Lisp, or just expand your programming horizons, I would learn more about macros. Not quite so dominant as it had been. The importance of the first varies depending on whether you have control over the whole system and have the source code of all the things we could do, is this going to make it something that they themselves use.18 When we started Artix, I was still ambivalent about business. But it's all based on one unspoken assumption, and that means it has to be open and good is what Macs are again, finally. There are few corporations in which it would be suggested that executive salaries are at a maximum. Stuff used to be valuable, and now it's not. The reason the expected value is so high is web services. But for someone at the top, but unless taxes are high enough to discourage people from creating wealth, certainly.19 Symbols are effectively pointers to strings stored in a hash table. Considering how basic a red circle is, it is no surprise that the pointy-haired bosses.

Notes

The founders want the valuation is fixed at the command of the leading edge of technology. This was certainly true in the 1980s was enabled by a big VC firm wants to see it in the usual standards for truth. However, it often means the right thing. The solution is to the margin for error.

In principle you might be interested in each type of thinking, but sword thrusts.

Founders weren't celebrated in the future as barbaric, but at least once for that they don't have to track ratios by time of day, thirty years later. You also have to do it. Which is also a good idea to make people use common sense when interpreting it.

The liking you have the least experience creating it.

There are lots of search engines. Particularly since many causes of the latter.

Which OS? Com. Maybe at first you make money, in the category of people starting normal companies too.

To say anything meaningful about income trends, you won't be demoralized if they seem to have the balls to ask prospective employees if they used FreeBSD and stored their data in files too.

Obvious is an instance of a heuristic for detecting whether you realize it till I started using it out of the web.

In the early empire the price of an official authority makes all the investors agree, and this trick works so well.

The First Two Hundred Years. Org Worrying that Y Combinator to increase it, because they know you'll have to be doctors? There are many senses of the world you'd want to avoid collisions in.

But I think this is to do is form a union and renegotiate all the worse if you're measuring usage you need a meeting, then you're being starved, not because Delicious users are stupid.

So as a rule of thumb, the Patek Philippe 10 Day Tourbillon, is a good way to be secretive, because the publishers exert so much better than the don't-be poets were mistaken to be, and the Imagination by Hilbert and Cohn-Vossen. This was partly confidence, and why it's next to impossible to write great software in Lisp. Most were wrong, but except for money.

Delicious that had been with us he would have been; a vogue for conglomerates in the sale of products, because they suit investors' interests. Plus ca change. Donald J.

To get a low valuation, that you can't easily get a good open-source projects now that VCs may begin to conserve board seats for shorter periods. Bureaucrats manage to think of it, by Courant and Robbins; Geometry and the leading scholars of that. The existence of people like numbers.

It's like the application of math to real problems, and on the aspect they see of piracy is simply what they said. PR firm admittedly the best case. Miyazaki, Ichisada Conrad Schirokauer trans. When I talk about humans being meant or designed to live a certain threshold.

We have no trouble getting hired by these companies substitute progress for revenue growth with retained earnings was one firm that wanted to have them soon. Perhaps it would not be true that being part of your identity. The philosophers whose works they cover would be investors who say no to science as well.

By all means crack down on these. Acquisitions fall into in the former.

Particularly since many causes of the fake.

On the other meanings. Many of these titles vary too much to suggest that we don't have to talk to corp dev guys should be working to help SCO sue them.

[the-four-ds-blog]

I hope you like metatextuality, We-Care

INT. CLASSIC DORM ROOM - NIGHT

Two young women sit on their beds, both working on laptops. EMMA - 21, proud Slytherin, the kindest person on their floor and also the sneakiest- browses Facebook. Her roommate ADDIE - 20, reluctant Gryffindor, wants to be Tumblr famous but never posts anything- stares at her screen. She starts out of bed suddenly and groans.

EMMA

What’s wrong? 

ADDIE

This application. It’s like it’s specifically designed to send me into an existential crisis. 

EMMA

Oh?

ADDIE

And I quote- “Out of the avalanche of applicants, why should we choose you?”

EMMA

Oh boy.

ADDIE:

I know!

Addie walks over to Emma’s desk and opens a tin of chocolate covered espresso beans. Through their conversation, she paces back and forth, tossing them individually high into the air and attempting to catch them with her mouth. She’s not excellent at this. 

EMMA:

I wouldn’t know how to answer that. 

ADDIE

I’m thinking of listing a bunch reasons and explanations. And I kind of want them all to start with D. You know, Dedicated, Disciplined, Delightful... 

EMMA

-Dutiful!

Emma looks sheepish. Addie laughs. 

ADDIE

Desperate. And like yeah, it’s a gimmick, but it gives me room to play around. Like after ‘Delightful’ I’m gonna be all “Okay this one’s a bit of a stretch, but I can be funny! I’m pretty nice! You’ll like having me around the office!” 

EMMA

I like having you as a roommate. 

ADDIE (CONT’D)

(halfway under Emma’s bed, searching for a dropped bean)

We should write each other testimonials. 

EMMA

Dear random company- I hereby guarantee that Margaret Adaline is cool and you should hire her.

ADDIE

Perfect. And for Dedicated I can be like- Yo, I’m just looking for a job that will let me do what I’m good at (marketing and communications) while letting me feel like I’m not making the world a worse place. And this org is about actively making the world better. I’d feel so lucky to be there I’d work my ass off.

EMMA

What type of thing are they?

ADDIE

I think they’re about connecting big businesses with non-profits. So shopping big brands can send some of their money to the non-profits who do their saving-the-world thing. I’m underselling it. They’ve helped keep kids out of the slave trade.

EMMA

That’s good!

ADDIE

I know! 

Addie’s attempts at throwing and catching the beans are becoming increasingly desperate. 

ADDIE (CONT’D)

I’ve been thinking again about whether the impact I leave is net positive or negative. I mean environmentally alone it’s probably the latter.

EMMA

Isn’t that why you started using your Divacup instead of tampons?

ADDIE

Yeet. And now I get to go this company and be like ‘Will my work on this planet be worth the damage I do just by existing? You decide!’ 

EMMA

I think you have a good impact. I mean, at least you’re not considering going into the oil industry. 

ADDIE

You’re not gonna go into oil, Emma. You’re like the most environmentally conscious person I know. 

EMMA

Addie, I’m a GEOS major. It’s kinda what we do. 

ADDIE

Ok, sure, but if you do it’s gonna be about promoting new, less shitty alternatives. You’re gonna be on that team PR points to to be like ‘See! We’re not all bad!’

EMMA

...I do get really excited when I think about fracking...

Addie can’t resist.

ADDIE

Well. I mean, who doesn’t love fracking. 

EMMA (playing along)

It’s like, invigorating to imagine. 

ADDIE

And so dirty.

Emma falls into laughter. 

ADDIE (CONT’D)

How could that place not hire me? Look at the complex high-brow humor they’d be missing out on. 

EMMA

Of course they’ll hire you. You know non-profits- you did Grubstreet!

ADDIE

You and your optimism. Hold on-

Addie looks to her computer. 

ADDIE (CONT’D)

They want me to know business stuff- I can spin Grubstreet finance into that... Research- Grubstreet and Boston Lit District... Writing skills- English major... Independent projects and strategy- did a lot of that making those videos at Cape Ann... Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Insta- I’m a millennial; I know these. Ok wait guess I’ll need to learn how to Pinterest. Linkedin? Fuck yeah.

EMMA

See? You’re qualified. 

ADDIE

So is everyone else. Ha! I like this one though. “Bonus points if comfortable on the phone.” I can do that. Grubstreet’s front desk drilled any phone anxiety out of me. I’m great at phones. I’m clear, I’m friendly, I don’t stutter. I’m Excellent. 

EMMA

Well you know what that means.

ADDIE

What?

EMMA

Next time we want delivery, you get to place the order.

Addie stares at Emma, amazed.

ADDIE

Oh my god. Wow. WOW. I walked right into that! 

She glances back at the application. Looks away quickly. Tosses another bean into the air and catches it. Chewing, she says-

ADDIE (CONT’D)

Yo, I think I got it figured out. Watch-

She tosses another bean. This one bounces off her tooth. 

ADDIE (CONT’D)

Ow! Fuck! 

EMMA

Ahh! Are you okay?

ADDIE

I’m fine. See?

She picks up the same bean and tosses it. Misses again. 

ADDIE (CONT’D)

Fuck!

EMMA

You know my heartrate speeds up a little every time you do that. 

ADDIE

Why?

EMMA

What if you choke!

ADDIE

(tossing and catching/missing throughout) I’m not gonna choke! Though like, I thought they would make me feel more awake, and, like, they totally are! But I also think that they might, like, be making me a little more anxious? Which is kind of, like, the opposite of what I need right now? Can I have a cider?

EMMA

Addie I’m cutting you off.

ADDIE

No!

EMMA

From the beans I mean. Have a cider. 

ADDIE

Ok wait last one.

She presses an espresso bean into Emma’s hand. 

EMMA

Ohh, I don’t think that’s a great idea... I don’t really want to...

ADDIE

No dude I meant for you to toss it to me. 

EMMA

Oh! Thank God! Yeah, I can do that! I thought you wanted me to try to catch it and I was like Hell No. Okay, you ready? 

Addie crouches closer to bed-level. She opens her mouth wide and grunts an affirmative. Emma throws the bean overhand- it misses wildly. The two laugh.

EMMA (CONT’D)

That was really bad! 

ADDIE

Well maybe you should try throwing underhand. Here-

Addie picks up the bean and gives it back to Emma. Emma tosses it in a gentle underhand- right into Addie’s mouth. 

ADDIE (CONT’D)

Mmm! Fuck yeah! 

They high five. Addie retrieves a hard cider from their closet and cracks it open using a bottle opener off of Emma’s desk. She takes a long sip and sighs. 

ADDIE (CONT’D)

Oh my god that’s so much better already. Day three of the semester and I’m already turning to drink. 

EMMA

Whatever will become of you?

Addie’s face scrunches up at the joke. She finishes her cider, crawls into Emma’s bed, and rests against Emma’s thigh. She takes Emma’s non-scrolling hand and places it on her head. Emma cards her fingers through Addie’s hair. 

ADDIE

Why do they have to be so stressful?

EMMA

Applications?

Addie nods. 

ADDIE

I just wanna not have to worry anymore. But then again I guess worrying is human. Maybe I wanna be a dog. 

EMMA

I saw this thing online that was like- imagine being a golden retriever. You’re living on a farm in Maine and you’ve got a family that looks after you and feeds you... you can just hang out all day...

ADDIE

Okay like I feel that? But also- you’re bordering on furry talk there Emma.

EMMA

You’re the one demanding to be petted. 

ADDIE

Touché. Being a Golden Retriever is the dog ideal though.

EMMA

Everybody loves them! 

ADDIE

It’s cause they don’t have resting bitch face.

Addie realizes her pun, then plays herself a ‘badum ts’ on an imaginary drum set. 

ADDIE (CONT’D)

They’re always smiling! They look like:

ADDIE (CONT’D)

:D

EMMA

:D

The pair laugh. Addie becomes fixated with a tipsy intensity. 

ADDIE

Okay I got a plan.

EMMA

Plans are good! Plans ward off existential dread! 

ADDIE

My thoughts exactly. I’m gonna work on application between classes tomorrow. After that I’ll do homework with free time til Friday night. We can have fun then- that’ll be my incentive to do work. Then I’m donating blood on Saturday morning because it will make me feel better. 

EMMA

That’s a good plan!

ADDIE

Thank you! I think I might include that in the app. About why I donate blood. Because yeah, sometimes I only do good things to feel better about myself, but that’s not a bad thing. It means that as humans, helping other people makes us feel good. Altruism is overrated. Humans evolved so that it makes us happy to help other humans. That’s awesome! It means that if you give someone the opportunity to do good, they’re gonna take it! Even if it’s a company- that’s just a bunch of humans! And this org- it gets that, and it’s making those opportunities, and that’s good! Doing good is beneficial to me, and that’s good! Because it says something amazing about humans in general. 

EMMA

I think you should include that. It’s honest. I like it. 

ADDIE

Yeah, they’ll love that. Dear sir or madam, I know there are people more qualified than me applying, but I’m honest. 

EMMA

You’re unique!

ADDIE

Ugh, don’t say that to a theatre kid- you’ll unleash the monster. I spent most of my high school years convincing myself that I’m no better or worse than anybody else. And now this application comes in like ‘why should we hire you?’ The beast rears its ugly head- “BECAUSE I’M SPECIAL!!!”

Addie mouths ‘I’m not’ to Emma, who smiles. 

EMMA

Hm. Well you’re not afraid to present the less polished sides of yourself-

Emma starts giggling.

ADDIE

What?

EMMA

And that makes you-

Emma laughs harder. 

ADDIE

Am I missing something?

EMMA

Daring!

Addie laughs.

ADDIE

Delectable!

EMMA

Delicious!

ADDIE

Deviant!

Done. 

[quentinsquill]

Fic: “I Know What You Grew This Summer” (The Magicians)

I Know What You Grew This Summer

Author: Lexalicious70

Fandom: The Magicians

Pairing: Eliot/Quentin

Rating: PG

Word Count: 2,181

Summary: Quentin returns from summer break after his first semester at Brakebills sporting a fresh look, but Eliot declares war on his friend’s bold new fashion choice that leads to a winner-take-all bet.

A/N: All this because Jason Ralph grew a mustache. I don’t own The Magicians, this is just for fun. Comments and kudos are magic! Enjoy.

Read it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18761473

I Know What You Grew This Summer

By Lexalicious70 (jagged_little_quill)

 “What in the name of Cher and all her fucking Bob Mackie outfits am I looking at?”

 Margo glanced up from locking the clasp on her new leather bag at Eliot’s dismayed tone. Quentin was walking toward them, fresh off his summer break in Brooklyn and a visit with his parents. He was dressed in his usual dad jeans and baggy sweater despite the 80-degree day, that floppy hair, and—oh.

 “Oh, hell no,” She intoned, and Eliot made a strangled sound in his throat and bobbed his head as Quentin swung up to them as they loitered outside the main building of Brakebills.

 “Hey guys!” Quentin raised a hand before lifting his chin and turning his head in what Margo was sure he thought was a model’s pose. Eliot lifted an accusatory finger.

 “And just what the fuck is that on your upper lip, Quentin?”

 “What do you think it is?” Quentin preened. “It’s a mustache! I grew it over the summer.”

 “You couldn’t grow organic kush in a windowsill planter like the rest of the first years?” Eliot asked, and Quentin ran a finger over it.

 “I like it! I think it makes me look mature.”

 “In a ‘this is a photo of my porn-collecting uncle via 1976,’ sort of way, yes,” Eliot observed. Margo rolled her eyes.

 “Are we going to stand in the sun and get melanoma over this, or can we go inside?”

 “We can go inside,” Eliot allowed, “but Quentin, decency and—aesthetics—demand that you leave that thing out here!”

 “You’re just jealous!” Quentin countered, adjusting the strap of his messenger bag as he followed Margo and Eliot into the building, where they shared their first Practical Applications class of the semester. He flounced past them, and Eliot narrowed his eyes. Margo gave an internal groan.

 “El . . .”

 “This will not stand,” the tall magician intoned. “The mustache must die!”

 ****

 “So how hard did Penny laugh when he saw you?”

 Quentin lifted a shoulder as he helped himself to a glass of Chablis. The party Eliot and Margo were throwing to celebrate the new semester was in full swing, and Quentin had to raise his voice to answer Margo’s question.

 “Yeah, he laughed, but honestly? I don’t care! I like how it looks! What’s wrong with a change once in a while?” He asked, and Eliot glided over to them, a drink in one hand.

 “How hard did Penny laugh when he saw you?”

 “I already asked him that, catch up,” Margo replied, sipping her wine.

 “Well if he did, he would have been fully within his rights. Facial hair is revolting.”

 “That’s an opinion, not a fact!” Quentin refilled his glass. He realized he was drinking much more than he had over the summer and it was going to his head, but Eliot’s words rankled him. “In fact, I bet if I took a poll in here right now, more than half would say they think mustaches are sexy!”

 “A bet? All right.” Eliot nodded and set down his drink. “But if we’re going to bet, Let’s make it more interesting than some silly poll.”

 “What do you mean?”

 Eliot held up a long, slender index finger. “Here’s my proposal: If I win, you have to shave off your mustache and vow that you’ll never grow facial hair in my presence again.”

 “Fine!” Quentin countered. “And if I win, I get to keep my mustache—and, uhm—you have to grow one too!”

Margo blinked.

 “I have to say I’m impressed!”

 “Don’t humor the boy, Bambi.” Eliot sighed and stuck out his hand. “You’ve got a bet, Quentin. And to show you I’m a generous man, I’m going to let you choose what we bet on. Go on . . .”

 Quentin downed his wine and let his mind race unfettered. He considered and rejected a few options, knowing that Eliot had experience and an almost effortless talent when it came to magic. He stuck his hands in his pockets to keep from flapping them and his fingers touched the edge of a new pack of playing cards. He tugged them out and held them up.

 “A house of cards contest!” He said at last. “Whoever builds the tallest house of cards before one falls down is the winner. And no magic or telekinesis is allowed!” He added, making Eliot raise a brow.

 “All right, Q.” He turned to a few of the other cottage residents. “Clear the coffee table and grab me my roll of parchment paper from the kitchen. We should at least have a stable foundation to build on.”

 “Fair,” Quentin nodded as he opened the deck and slid the cards into his hand. The feel of the slippery coated surface calmed his nerved and he shuffled them to keep his hands busy. A few first years gathered around to watch, making murmured noises of amazement. Todd brought Eliot the parchment roll as two other kids cleared the coffee table of empty wine glasses, shot glasses, ashtrays, and dessert plates with half-eaten pastries on them. Eliot eyed the table and tore off a long piece of parchment, which he used to cover the table. Someone produced a few rubber bands to secure it, and Quentin set the stack of cards on the table.

 “Let’s review the rules,” he said as Eliot sat across from him. “No using magic. No help from anyone in the room. No bumping the table or ‘accidental’ sneezes.” He paused to smooth down his mustache. “If we run out of cards, Margo will bring more down from my room.”

 “Oh, now I’m involved?” She asked, and Quentin shrugged.

 “Okay, Todd can bring them.”

 “Fuck that!” She protested as Todd began to speak and gave him an imperious look that made him snap his mouth shut. “I just prefer to be asked, Q.”

 “Will you bring more cards down if we run out?”

 “Why not?” She sat down next to Eliot. “I don’t think this will take too long . . . Eliot has talented hands.”

 “I don’t want to know how you know that.” Quentin cut the deck evenly. “Tallest house wins, no limit on design.”

 “Go!” Todd shouted, then shrank back as Eliot gave him a withering expression over one shoulder. “I thought you needed . . . you know. Like a starter—no, okay, sorry.” He stepped back and Eliot focused on his stack of cards. The party music Margo put on earlier continued to thump its dance club baseline, but now most of the partygoers were gathering around the table to watch. Conversation died out as Eliot and Quentin began building their houses. Eliot went with a triple-T foundation that allowed him to spread cards out as a roof for the second floor while Quentin chose a triangular shape that allowed him to build up the height quickly. Eliot stacked another floor on top of the first, hoping that the wider foundation would give him more stability. Quentin touched and stroked his mustache in a way that Eliot found extremely distracting, and at one point, Margo gave him a rough poke in the upper arm.

 “Keep your head in the game, damn it! Or do you want to go around campus looking like the Willy Wonka version of Tom Selleck?”

 I know, I’m trying!” Eliot hissed back. Money was being passed back and forth among the spectators now, and Eliot felt sweat building on the back of neck and dampening his armpits. The last CD in the nearby carousel ended, but no one moved to restart it. A weird, tense hush fell over the common room and Eliot paused to remove his tie and unbutton the first few buttons on his paisley shirt. Quentin caught his eye, smiled in a smug way that made Eliot want to slap his insolent, pretty mouth, and rose to add the next layer to his house. It was five stories now compared to Eliot’s three, and he’d added cards in T shapes around the base to make a fence. Margo brought down two more packs of cards from Quentin’s room and unboxed them in front of the crowd to prove she hadn’t cast on them. Quentin cut both decks and Eliot willed his hands not to shake as he took his stack. Was his house crooked? Was it leaning? How slick were the new cards? Eliot ran a hand over his mouth and flicked a glance at Quentin. He was adding his seventh floor, the house nearly as tall as he was. He leaned forward, peering at the floor of the previous stack, and the strings of the hoodie he wore swung outward and struck the base cards of the third floor. The house fell down with a rustling patter, and Quentin blinked before he tossed down the two he held in his hand.

 “Interference!” He shouted, and Eliot smiled and placed his chin on steepled fingers.

 “Not from me, Q.”

 “But it didn’t fall! It got knocked down from an outside source!”

 “You said whoever could build the tallest house without it collapsing was the winner.” Eliot gestured to his house, still standing. “Looks like that’s me.”

 Quentin kicked the nearest leg of the table, causing Eliot’s house to fall, before he turned and fled up the stairs to catcalls from the crowd. Margo herded them toward the door.

 “Go on, go settle your bets somewhere else! This isn’t the OTB window.” She shut the door as the last guest slipped out and then turned to Eliot. “I almost feel sorry for the kid.”

 Eliot sighed and fetched a bottle of moscato from the wet bar.

 “I’ll go talk to him.”

 “Proceed with caution,” Margo said as she cast a cleaning spell on the common room. “He’s probably pricklier than a bear with a nutsac full of thorns!”

 “Noted!” Eliot called back over his shoulder as he reached the landing and knocked on Quentin’s door. “Q? Can I come in?”

 “No!” Quentin shouted from the other side. “Piss off!”

 “Quentin, you’re being a very sore loser,” Eliot observed, and Quentin jerked the door open to glare at Eliot.

 “I didn’t lose! The string on my hoodie knocked my house down! You should have let me have a do-over!”

 “Do-overs are for people who can’t honor the rules of the games they play.”

 “Another pearl of wisdom from Eliot Waugh!” Quentin snapped before he stomped back into his room. Eliot blocked the door with his foot before Quentin could slam it in his face, stepped into the room, and set the bottle of wine down.

 “You agreed to bet. I even let you pick the challenge.”

 “Oh, how noble of you! I’ll be sure to get the medal engraved right away.”

 “That hideous thing on your upper lip make you look mature, but it’s sure not stopping you from being a gigantic pissbaby.”

 “What is your fucking issue with me growing a mustache?” Quentin asked, his voice rising. “Do you have some kind of mustache trauma? Are you afraid it’ll get me more attention than you? Come on, Eliot, tell me the truth! Why did you agree to this stupid fucking bet?”

 “Because your mouth is too fucking pretty!” Eliot shouted back. “Because I can’t see your Goddamn upper lip and the way it curves and makes me want to fucking beg you for head! Because I want to kiss you, not hair!”

 Quentin stared at Eliot in the silence that followed the echo of his shout. He stuttered out a few sounds and Eliot waited, knowing the truth was heavy to process.

 “You want to kiss me?” Quentin asked at last. Eliot scoffed.

 “You really haven’t been paying attention, have you? Yes, Quentin, I do. I have, nearly from the moment you stumbled out of that hedge and asked me if you were hallucinating.”

 “Am I hallucinating now?” Quentin asked, and Eliot felt something small and scared loosen in his chest.

“No, Q.” He stepped closer. “You’re not.”

 “So . . . you’re saying if I shave, you’ll still want to kiss me?”

 “Most definitely.”

 Quentin’s gaze ticked to the floor before it flicked back to meet Eliot’s eyes, like a nervous hummingbird attracted to a pretty, vibrant flower.

 “El?”

 “Hmm?”

 “Got any shaving cream I can borrow?”

 ***

 “Well well, look who it is!” Penny crowed as Quentin walked in Practical Applications class with Eliot and Margo, his upper lip bare. “Heard all about your house of cards bet! How’s it feel to be the big loser?”

 Quentin tilted his head to one side in thought before turning to Eliot and rising up onto his tiptoes to give him a long, warm kiss on the mouth. Eliot slipped his arms around his smaller partner and returned it with a sigh as Penny watched, his dark eyes sprung wide. The other kids began to clap and wolf whistle, and Margo grinned at the sight. Quentin pulled back after a moment, touched Eliot’s face, and then smiled at Penny over his shoulder.

 “Feels pretty fucking fantastic.”

 FIN

[aion-rsa]

Evil Season 2: Katja Herbers Talks Jinn and Dark Tonics

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This interview contains spoilers for Evil season 2.

Evil season 2 turned a new page in The Pop-Up Book of Terrifying Things MMXXI. The first episode, “N Is for Night Terrors,” began with Dr. Kristen Bouchard (Katja Herbers) trying to literally bury the hatchet on things which might disturb her sleep. Ben Shakir (Aasif Mandvi) found something, or someone, new to keep him up past bedtime. David Acosta (Mike Colter) doesn’t need to close his eyes in order to dream. He is close to becoming ordained as a priest, but the church keeps throwing too many practical applications on his study sheet.

The second episode, “A Is for Angel,” saw the trinity question the justice of God, as an archangel laid plans to open the second bowl of torments for mankind. The headlines which crawled across Evil’s news coverage of a global plague mirrored the worldwide reaction to the COVID pandemic. Recently exorcized from CBS, Evil now possesses Paramount+. The supernatural suspense drama dips into The X-Files territory. David wants to believe, probably even more than Fox Mulder. Forensic psychiatrist Kristen wants to get to the bottom of belief, much like Dana Scully conducted her own autopsies in search of physical explanations for anomalies. Ben is all three of the Lone Gunmen, plus about half of Skinner. He knows all the tricks tech toys can pull, and a safe distance from belief.

In “F Is for Fire,” the analytic team from St. Joseph’s is forced to look beyond the Catholic church, and Christian teachings, to answer the most burning questions a young Islamic girl may have. The episode is the hottest of the series so far. The very opening is a sexual fantasy strong enough to set Kristen off on the prowl. Bouchard was a trophy-winning mountain climber before she went looking for things that go bump in the night, and this gives her a shot at a little of both.

Prior to Dr. Kristen Bouchard’s work with the investigative team, she was an on-call expert in forensic psychology for the District Attorney’s office. Prior to Evil, Katja Herbers played Dr. Helen Prins on WGN America’s Manhattan and Emily Grace in HBO’s Westworld, and had recurring roles in The Americans, The Leftovers, and Manhunt: Unabomber. In a conversation with Den of Geek, Herbers stoked the fires of her relations with the jinn, David, and her new bosses.

DEN OF GEEK: I have been enjoying the show since the first night terror. Are you kept awake at night pondering the bigger questions?

KATJA HERBERS: No, I have to say I don’t. I’m more interested in the actual terror of this actual world, like climate change and things like that.

You’ll be exploring some of that on this show. How do you feel about being part of the conversation?

I love that. I think our show is so very timely, unfortunately, for a show called Evil and the things that we explore. I like to think that watching something like this can also be a way of processing the world that we’re in and may hopefully sometimes be a bit therapeutic or cathartic or just offer some relief because you see these characters’ fight. Then maybe you yourself can sit back and just watch some other people take care of business.

In season one, there was a rising sexual tension between you and David, and this season, you’re more on the prowl. Was this detour to avoid the will-they-won’t-they Mulder-Scully arc or are you just taking David’s vows more seriously?

No, I think it just is because Kristen murdered someone and she’s now looking for some kind of a calmness in herself and needs to find that anywhere, and that might be with any guy in any bar. She’s trying medication, she’s trying it all. I think the will-they-or-won’t-they will continue because I do think they have a very genuine connection, both intellectually and also there’s a physical attraction and I don’t think that’s going to go away.

How are the drug interactions affecting the spiritual ones? You’re taking a different type of drug than David, but altered reality is still altered reality.

Yeah. I ask for them, because I’m seeing things that aren’t there. I’m seeing this jinn with a head on fire, and I’m having hallucinations. I think that I actually ask my psychiatrist specifically to prescribe me a certain medication because I’m also a psychiatrist and I know what I need. I believe in medicine and in science, but I know that those things, it can take a while until you’ve found the right cocktail for your brain chemistry.

I do think that she’s suffering from unfortunate side effects there or at least that’s how she sees it or does it not have to do with the medicine? Is it actually all supernatural? And is this jinn following her? I guess that’s the whole question of what’s going on with Kristen.

Are the characters becoming more steeped in their supernatural reality or are they just becoming more suggestible to the force of expectation? Ben also has an imaginary friend.

Yeah. The job that we have, does mean that a lot of things I cannot explain purely scientifically. I do think that my character is more open to a supernatural explanation of things than she was at the very start of the first season. I think probably, I’m sort of in the middle of David and Ben. I think all three of us are dealing with things that we cannot explain, and I think that’s very interesting. What is a human being, if we don’t show the doubt that they have? Anybody who is completely certain of things, they can get a bit boring maybe.

Do you miss George?

Yeah. I do miss George. I find him very funny and endearing and weird. Luckily enough, most of the demons are played by the same actor, who’s wonderful, Marti Matulis. So, I do get to hang out with the actor, just in a different costume.

When Ben caught the telltale blood stain at the end of last season, was Kristen willing him not to remember it?

Yes. Exactly. I thought that was very funny.

(Creators and showrunners) Robert and Michelle King bring a great sense of humor to this. Will there be any strictly humorous shows like The X-Files did “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space?”

I hope so. That would be very fun. I think nothing’s too crazy for the Kings. I’ll put in the request.

How intensive is the investigation into Orson LeRoux’s death going to be? And how much peril is Kristen facing?

Well, I think it’s going to be quite intensive, if not for the police looking for whoever killed him, but also just internally in Kristen’s mind, because she did that, and now what? She’s not lying awake, pondering if she did the right thing, because I do think that she did the right thing – it was him or her children, that was very clear to her. So, what mother wouldn’t want to protect their children? But she is now a murderer, and I think it has changed her and she’s become somebody who is way more willing to go to the edge of things.

She also has district attorney training. Do you think she would have done the same thing if it was someone else’s family?

I don’t think so. No. I think she would have gone to the police.Think this was a very emotional act, and that kind of emotionality only comes if you’re protecting your own.

Do you know why she is being singled out? Has that been revealed to you?

For some reason, this Leland guy seems to have it out for her. Maybe because she seems like a good person and the good needs to be destroyed. I don’t know. Or maybe it’s because they want to get to David, unclear.

I read that the COVID forced a change in the season arc, second season. Were there any lost opportunities that you might have to revisit in future seasons?

At the start of filming this season, it had more to do with locations and things. We couldn’t be in a room with more than X amount of people. So, I think there was going to be something on a subway platform that didn’t end up happening because we couldn’t have those kinds of extras there. But I don’t think it held us back creatively. If anything, the protocols just really slowed us down. People have had to wait for the season a very long time because of COVID unfortunately, otherwise it would have been out long ago.

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Do you have any more freedoms at Paramount+ than you did at CBS?

I think so. We only found out about the move when we were way far into filming, I think we were at episode 11 or something. The freedoms will also be found in the editing room, where we used to have to be exactly 43 minutes. And now maybe sometimes, you can have a little bit more air around a scene. It could maybe be 45 minutes, and those two extra minutes can mean, does a joke land or does it not land? I’m very excited about the move and the extra creativity that comes with that.

Are you at all superstitious? Would you do Macbeth?

Yeah, sure I’d do Macbeth, but can I play Macbeth? I’m not very superstitious. However, I sometimes will have a stupid thought in my head like, you better go to the other side of the street and then I’ll be like, “oh, okay, well, there you go, might as well do it.” I used to work with somebody in the theater who had to get in and out of their costume eight times before they could go on stage because otherwise it wouldn’t go well. My OCD stops at, once a week I’ll walk to the other side of the street, but it doesn’t go further than that.

A lot of people click with this show because they recognize the supernatural in their everyday lives. Do people come up to you on the street and ask for answers?

No, because nobody ever recognizes me, which is a wonderful, wonderful thing. I have literally never, ever been asked about Evil on the street.

Do you yourself go looking for answers?

Well, on a scientific level, sure, but not in a supernatural way.

Evil airs Sundays on Paramount+.

The post Evil Season 2: Katja Herbers Talks Jinn and Dark Tonics appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/36bpiUf

[whalefairyfandom12]

ALT ER LOVE

Summary: Dan is the breakout star of the newest international sensation, SKAM Britain, with the upcoming season centered around his character Isak. The only problem is that the actor portraying Isak’s love interest is enough to send the carefully labeled details of Dan’s life into disorder.

Phil had never wanted to be an actor, but peer pressure and having a film credit on his uni application was enough to make him audition. Somehow his meager talent lands him the role of Even, starring opposite one of the biggest names in the industry and his not-so-secret celebrity crush. The reality of the situation is more than he’d ever signed up for, and as fiction starts to bleed into reality the only thing anyone knows for certain is that understanding love isn’t nearly as easy without a script.

A/N: Though this certainly talks about Skam and its characters, it’s not necessary to have seen the show to understand what’s happening. It’s really just an actor au with an excuse for me to talk about the show haha. (But really, you should watch it if you haven’t already as it’s amazing.) I hope you enjoy!

Masterpost

Week One

Wednesday 10:30

    The poster was hanging from the bulletin board, already wrinkled and torn in several places.

    Following the success of the Norwegian hit show SKAM and its subsequent British remake we are currently holding auditions for the upcoming season! The series is an international phenomenon praised for its authentic portrayal of teenagers and focuses on telling real stories based on the hardships and pressures of being in college. We’re conducting an extensive search to find British teenagers for the cast. NO ACTING EXPERIENCE REQUIRED.

     Phil Lester was not an actor. The last time he’d participated in a play was in Year Two during a retelling of the birth of Jesus, and he’d almost passed out from stage fright. He had no interest in acting, and he hadn’t watched any of the iterations of Skam. He did, however, want to get a degree in video post production, which was why he was standing in the middle of the hall trying to determine if he thought he’d pass out if he tried to audition.

    Rosie came to a halt beside him, adjusting her grip on her backpack. Her hair was back to its natural blonde color, falling loose around her shoulders. “Are you going to audition?” she asked.

    “Are you?” he countered.

    She laughed. “No, definitely not. I can’t act to save my life.”

    “I can’t either, but it would look really good on my application.” He paused. “Is it bad I’ve never seen Skam?”

    Rosie’s eyes widened in horror he hoped was mock but looked fairly genuine. “How have you lived?”

    “I’ve seen gifs on Tumblr,” he said defensively. “And I keep meaning to, but I don’t have time.” He was even following some of the gif blogs, but that was more because of Dan Howell than anything about the show.

    “You’d get to make out with Dan Howell if you auditioned for Even’s role,” Rosie said, apparently reading his mind. “That’s reason enough.”

    “I didn’t know Dan was your type.”

    “He’s a little bit everyone’s type, but I know he’s yours.” She raised her eyebrows, nudging him suggestively. “You forget I’ve been on your Tumblr.”

    Phil flushed. “Skam is everywhere,” he said, protest weak even to his own ears. “It’s impossible to avoid it.”

    “Uh huh,” Rosie said, looking entirely too smug for his liking. “But seriously, you should go for it. You fit everything they’re looking for and I think you’d make a good Even.”

    “Yeah?”

    “You both like film, for one. But if you do get the part you have to bring me Dan’s signature.”

    “I’m telling Rose.”

    Rosie rolled her eyes. “Like she’s one to talk. She’s had a crush on Hannah Witton since season one.”

    “Hannah’s a little bit everyone’s type,” Phil echoed, earning himself a snort of laughter.

    “Exactly.” She patted him on the shoulder, grip surprisingly firm. “Alright, I have Classical Literature but I’ll talk to you after you get the part.”

    Phil shook his head, gesture fond. “It’s not going to happen!” he called after her. “I don’t even know if I’m going to sign up.”

    Rosie laughed, ignoring his words in favor of a wave as she disappeared around the corner. Phil watched her leave before turning his attention back to the poster. He sighed, trainers scuffing against the floor. He stretched a tentative hand towards the paper before faltering at the last minute.

   At this rate he was definitely going to be late to maths.

   Signing up didn’t mean he had to go. He could always change his mind, even if he was offered the part. He’d probably end up in the background anyway, no speaking required.

   Phil tore one of the paper strips off the bottom, folding it in half and tucking the URL into his pocket. It wasn’t going to hurt anything to just see what happened after all. He was sure nothing was going to come of it, and if it also presented a convenient excuse to meet Dan, well, what Rosie didn’t know wouldn’t kill her.

::

Wednesday 10:30

    At age sixteen Daniel Howell was quickly rising through the ranks as one of the most influential up and coming English actors. SKAM Britain had taken off internationally, being praised for its loyalty to its source material while still giving it a fresh cultural spin.

    It was everything six year old Dan had fantasized about: fame, recognition, finally being a real actor. But despite finally living the childhood dream sixteen year old Dan just really wanted a nap.

    Unfortunately, Tyler Oakley had other plans.

    Said pain in his ass whacked him in the arm with the script, jolting him awake. “Focus!”

    Dan winced, rubbing the undoubtedly forming bruise. “I am!” A pregnant pause. “Fine,” he amended. “I’m trying. It’s just...it’s been a long day. Week. Life.”

    Tyler’s expression softened slightly. Because unlike Chris he respected Dan’s boundaries, he kindly didn’t point out the fact that it was only 10:30 and therefore too early to really make the classification as a ‘long day.’ “Okay. I think we know the lines anyway.”

    Dan exhaled, flopping back onto the other boy’s bed. His relief was probably obvious, but he was too tired to care. “Thank fuck.”

    Tyler mimicked his movements, staring at the ceiling. “Any luck with casting Even yet?”

    “Not yet. There are a few auditions left today and tomorrow, but I have to decide before Friday.” He rolled over and buried his face in the pillows, closing his eyes. Maybe if he was lucky he’d suffocate to death. “I don’t know. I think Nick would like Felix or a person like that. Someone who's already well-known, but nothing feels right yet. There’s a…” Dan trailed off and snapped his fingers, looking at Tyler expectantly. “You know?”

   The other boy was staring at him uncomprehendingly, brow furrowed. “No, not really.”

    “It’s like when you meet someone and there’s a spark or chemistry or whatever you want to call it, but you click and everything feels like it just works.”

    Tyler bolted upright, holding up a hand. “Hang on. Are we still talking about acting or have we moved on?”

    Dan rolled his eyes. He didn’t know why he bothered, honestly. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

    “Because we can totally talk about your love life,” Tyler continued, glee thinly veiled. “Or wait, you’d actually need to have a love life to talk about it.”

     Dan scowled, flipping him off. He retracted any and all previous statements about Tyler being a good friend. “I told you, I’m not--”

     “Interested in a relationship,” his friend finished, pulling a face. “I know. We all know. But imagine how cute it would be if you started dating whoever was cast as Even.” Dan frowned, opening his mouth to respond but Tyler cut him off again. “I know you’re not gay. I’m just saying, everyone loves a good costar romance and imagine how much hotter the sex scenes would be.”

    Dan let out an undignified yelp as he tumbled off the bed, resisting the urge to bang his head against the wall in an attempt to scour the images from his brain. His face was burning as he stumbled to his feet, yanking open the door. “Bonding time’s over! Thanks for going over the lines with me.”

    Tyler smirked, stretching out on the mattress. “There’s something I like about the idea of two really tall men--”

    Dan jammed his fingers in his ears. “Goodbye Tyler,” he said loudly, but unfortunately not loudly enough to miss the rest of the sentence. At this point he’d give half of every paycheck for the creation of brain bleach.

    Tyler laughed. “Have a good time meeting your future lovers.”

    Dan picked up one of the shoes laying by the door, aiming it at his costar’s head. In his visions of fame, six year old Dan hadn’t accounted for the assholes that would become his colleagues and only friends. Which was more than a little depressing to think about, really. He wrinkled his nose as he stepped outside, heading towards his trailer.

    And they say to follow your dreams.

::

Wednesday 17:15

    The world looked a little better upside down. Phil’s mum had always been a big advocate for approaching problems from multiple angles, and though she probably hadn’t meant it literally he found it kind of relaxing to pretend he was a fruit bat whose biggest problems were surviving until the next night.

    His laptop was open to the audition application, name and email already filled in which was as far as he’d gotten before panicking. If he thought he could screw his head on enough to focus actually watching some of the episodes instead of relying on Tumblr’s slightly biased opinions would probably be a good place to start.

    From what he did know, Dan was playing Isak Valtersen, the main character of season three. Isak was gay and his storyline primarily revolved around accepting himself, coming out, and meeting Even. Dan was one of the original cast members, and from the numerous crying gifs on Tumblr was popular with the viewers.

    Even Bech Næsheim was Isak’s love interest, and that was basically all Phil knew about him. He’d skimmed the wikipedia page once out of curiosity and seen the film connection that Rosie had pointed out and a lot of gifs of Even and Isak kissing. Like a lot. Like so many he was already blushing thinking about having to do all of that with Dan.

    Phil had been an out and proud bisexual since he was twelve and had his share of boyfriends since then, so it wasn’t the thought of kissing another boy that had him so nervous. It was that the boy in question was Dan.

    Who, not that he was looking or anything but from a video he’d found of Dan making out with some girl from another movie, looked like he was a great kisser.

    He exhaled, puffing out his cheeks as he rolled right side up. The room spun, and he blinked a few times rapidly to try and unsuccessfully clear his head. He reached for his laptop, entering his password. The audition form loaded again, and he finished filling out his information and pressed send before he could angst about it again for another six hours. Now all that was left to do was wait.

::

Wednesday 19:23

   Dan was ready to implode and take the rest of the world with him. He didn’t understand how it was possible to make an improv scene about hiding a body boring, but most of the actors were finding a way. He slumped in his seat, sighing loudly enough for Nick to shoot him a dirty look. The director held two fingers and Dan gave his best impression of a ‘what the fuck is that supposed to mean’ face.

    Nick’s lips thinned. “Twenty two more people,” he said as Peter exited with a flourish. “And then we’re done.”

    Dan groaned. “That’s twenty two too many. And then a hundred more tomorrow.”

    “Have you see anyone you like?” Bertie asked before Nick could respond. Dan almost felt bad for him. The screenwriter spent a lot of his time smoothing things out between Nick and the rest of the cast. “They don’t have to be from today.”

    He shrugged. “Peter was okay.” He’d wrung a laugh out of him with his improv anyway, which was more than could be said for everyone else.

    “He went off script quickly,” Bertie said, flipping through his binder. “Since we’ve left casting Even five days before we start filming,” Dan cringed, sinking further into his seat. “It’s important whoever we cast can think on their feet.”

    “I’m going to let the next one in,” Nick said. “Try to look less like you’re being held against your will.”

    Dan rolled his pencil between his fingers, picking at the places where the wood had started to chip. Twenty two more people and he could go back to staring at the walls in his trailer. At least filming started soon, and even if everything else was going to shit at least that was something that still made sense.

::

Thursday 16:27

    Phil had moved three meters in the past two hours. The rest of the crowd snaked around the block and into the audition building, better looking and infinitely more talented candidates making excited conversation. He estimated there were still a good few hours before he reached the door, but he was already starting to feel ridiculously anxious. His nerves weren’t helped by the fact that despite leaving the flat with plenty of time to spare, he was the last one in line. He made a face, prying his fist open and wiping the sweat against his shirt.

    The crowd inched forwards.

    He jumped as his phone vibrated, a thumbs up from Rose and a gif of Dan in a beanie from Rosie. He smiled, the encouragement only slightly lessening the urge to throw up. He’d never been very good at job interviews and this was a million times worse.

    Then again, the application had had a lot of unusual questions so maybe the experience wouldn’t be as painful as he was anticipating. Only one of the questions asked about prior acting experience, and most of them were assessing with what he liked to do in his free time or if he had any social media accounts. He wasn’t sure how any of that was relevant to acting, exactly, but the less he had to advertise his faults the better.

    The line moved forwards, three centimeters, this time.

    Phil sighed, eyeing the pavement dubiously before sitting down. He had a feeling he was going to be here for awhile.

::

Thursday 18:43

    “I'm sure that in a parallel universe there's an Isak and an Even who're lying in the exact same way in the exact same place, only, like the curtains are a different color or something.”

    Mark was quiet. He met Dan’s gaze evenly, voice subdued. “So yellow curtains, then?”

    “Yeah.”

    A melancholy smile. “I think you’ve had enough jay now.”

    “Haven’t you ever thought about that?” Dan asked, trying to keep his tone wistful. He couldn’t be the only one that spent every night wide awake and imagining the other versions of himself in realities where he regretted his life a little less.

    “Yeah, but I guess I’m just starting to feel so...I don’t know. Lonely.”

    “It’s interesting though,” he insisted.

     Mark sighed heavily, shoulders slumping. “I don’t like it. Freaks me out.”

    “It freaks you out?”

    “Not freaked out like a horror movie, but like feeling alone. That sort of freaked out, I guess. That like it's your head it's you and your head and all of your thoughts.

    “Alone in your head, what do you mean?”

    “A ‘The Mind is Alone’ feeling.”     Dan frowned. “A what feeling? The mind is alone?”

    “Because the only thing that exists is you and your thoughts, right? You can't escape from your own thoughts, The only way to do that is to die.” Mark curled further in on himself, averting his gaze. Dan had a feeling he was trying to portray the heaviness of the dialogue, but he’d already started out the perfect picture of forlorn that he had limited ways to try and look more depressing.

    “That's dark, though.”

    “Yeah, but haven't you ever thought about that?”

    He did a double take. “No?”     Mark laughed, a more than a little bitter sound. “Jesus! I'd forgotten how young you are.”

    Dan’s smile was more of a grimace as he dropped his script on the table. Both Nick and Bertie were nodding appraisingly in Mark’s direction, and his heart sank. It was rare that the two ever agreed on anything, and it was looking more and more like Mark was going to get the part. He retreated to his seat, rolling the pencil between his fingers as Nick gave Mark the usual speech about expecting-a-call and -thanks-for-your-time.

    “Thanks!” Mark said cheerily. He shot Dan a bright smile, offering a wave. Dan returned the gestures with considerably less enthusiasm as the other boy left the room.

    “I think Mark is the best we’ve seen so far,” Bertie was saying. Dan tried to pretend he was interested.

    “I agree,” Nick said. “What do you think, Dan?”

    He hesitated. “Fine. Yeah, he was great.”

    The director and writer exchanged exasperated looks, which he thought was rather unfair. Sure he could be a little high maintenance sometimes (read, most of the time) but he didn’t have anything on someone like Jake Paul.

    “What didn’t you like about him?”

    “Nothing really. It’s just, don’t you think it should’ve had more lightheartedness?” Dan said in one breath. “In the beginning lines, at least. Isak and Even have spent all this time chasing after each other and trying to figure out what this connection is between them while all of these other tensions and pressures keep piling up until finally they kiss and realize that the idea of Isak-and-Even isn’t so crazy after all.”

     “And?”

    “And don’t you think after spending the night together and the way both of them feel free and safe enough to let their walls down that the morning after wouldn’t seem so much like someone died? And if the scene starts mellow there’s nowhere else to go.”

    Nick sighed, rubbing a hand over his beard. “You’re right,” he admitted. Dan tried not to fall off his seat in shock. “I noticed that too, but there’s never going to be a perfect actor that gets everything right the first time. Not even Meryl Streep. If you keep waiting for someone like that you’re never going to be happy.”

    “Maybe. I guess we’ll see.” Dan set his jaw, dropping his gaze to the table determinedly. There was a challenge if ever he’d heard one. Now he just had to hope the actor was out there that could prove him right.

::

Thursday 20:15

    Phil’s trainers squeaked against the floor as he followed the man into the audition hall. The sound was uncomfortably loud in the silence, and despite his nerves he was relieved when they finally reached the room. The man pushed the double doors open, entering without hesitation. He could make out the silhouettes of a table and two people sitting at the head, flanking the empty seat. They looked like they were engrossed in a conversation, pausing as Phil took a hesitant step forwards.

    The first thing he saw was Dan, head bent over his phone and dark curls soft where they fell against his forehead. The actor was wearing a biker jacket unzipped over a gray shirt and black skinny jeans, outfit complete with the bored and slightly tortured look on his face. Beside him was a blond haired man in glasses, and the red haired man who’d let him in.

    The latter cleared his throat, stepping forward with a practiced smile, “My name is Nicholas Young and I’m the director of SKAM Britain. This is Bertie Gilbert, our screenwriter. And of course, Daniel Howell who plays Isak Valtersen.”

    Phil wet his lips reflexively, trying for a smile. “Hi. I’m Phil, it’s nice to meet you.” Dan looked up at his response, and he almost wished he hadn’t because wow. He’d never really understood the whole ‘the eyes are everything’ shtick everyone was always on about in the movies, but clearly he hadn’t been around the right people.

    “We’re glad you could make it,” Bertie said. He pulled one of the empty chairs away from the table and Phil took a seat, unable to resist glancing back in Dan’s direction. The other boy was still staring back and he dropped his gaze, face warm.

    “As you know,” Nick took over. “Skam is unusual in how interactive it is. It’s not just a show, it’s an experience.” Dan snorted quietly, and Phil smiled despite himself. “Clips are released in real time, and filming and writing can be very intensive to meet the deadlines. The characters have real social media accounts, and pictures need to be shot outside of filming. Even doesn’t have an Instagram, but you’ll be required to be in Isak’s photos as well as some groups shots and promo pictures. The point is, this is not a commitment to be taken lightly and we’re only looking for candidates that will invest the time and effort necessary for an experience this time consuming.”

    “Okay,” Phil said weakly.

    Bertie flashed him what he assumed was supposed to be a reassuring thumbs up. “Just focus on the audition for now. You’ve got this.”

    Actually Phil was becoming more and more convinced he didn’t got this, but he nodded anyway.

    “We’ll start with a short reading of one of the scenes to warm up,” Nick said. “Followed by an improv and a final read through with Dan.” He pushed the stack of papers Phil’s direction. “It’s in order.”

    Phil shuffled the stack, scanning the first page. A hotel room. EVEN is eating a mini burger. His energy is infectious, almost too much so.

    “Whenever you’re ready, Phil,” Bertie said.

    He relaxed his death grip where it was starting to wrinkle the script, nerves back with a vengeance. He let his eyes drift shut, envisioning the walls of a hotel building around him.

    Even was feeling on top of the world, Isak sitting across from him. Affection overtook him at the sight, knocking him off his feet and dissolving his expression into a smile. After everything they were finally here, and maybe it wasn’t going to last forever but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to keep it for as long as he could.

    His eyes snapped open. He met the other boy’s gaze with a smile.

    “You don’t think we’ll get married?” he asked, surprise mingling with genuine fondness. It had become impossible to do anything without feeling ridiculously, stupidly, improbably in love. “We’re so fucking getting married.”

::

Thursday 20:45

    The door slammed shut as Phil left the room, Nick taking the now empty seat across the table. Bertie had left a few minutes ago for a meeting, and Dan steeled himself for the impending interrogation. Strangely, the prospect didn’t bother him as much as it normally would’ve, black hair and a bright smile lingering every time he closed his eyes.

    Fuck.

    “Now that auditions are finally finished, who did you connect with the most?” Nick asked, cutting straight to the point.

    Dan hesitated. (Phil, his brain helpfully supplied in the pause. You want Phil, possibly in more ways than one. He told it to shut up.) “I don’t know. They all seemed like good candidates.”

    Nick released a long suffering sigh. “The original season three of Skam was what brought it to international prominence. If we want to replicate that success in any way we need to make sure you’re comfortable with whoever plays Even. I still think Mark seems like a good choice.”

    The thing was, deep down he knew Nick was right. Mark had already made a name for himself and had plenty of experience. He or someone with his background would be the obvious choice. Not some gangly eighteen year old who hadn’t acted since he was six. But even though Mark was fine and his audition had been fine there was something missing.

    Auditioning for Skam was one of the first things Dan had ever done for himself, and despite living the acting dream and getting to work with his friends everyday between his success and the popularity of the show his career was becoming yet another thing he was losing control over. Picking the Even he wanted seemed in some small, pathetic way like he was taking over his life again.

    There was the whisper of a laugh again, tongue poking out the side of Phil’s smile as he looked at Dan. And while he knew it was just Even looking at Isak and it didn’t mean anything, suddenly he felt more real than he had in a long time and really there was no dilemma was there?

    “Phil Lester,” he said. “I felt the most chemistry with him.”

    He held his breath, waiting for Nick to say something disparaging, but to his surprise the other man merely looked contemplative. “Hmm. You two did have a natural connection and your chemistry was very good, but he doesn’t have any acting experience.”

    “The sign up sheet said he didn’t have to,” Dan argued. “A lot of us don’t, and that’s part of why people connect with it so much. It feels authentic--there isn’t any of the polish or glamour from the industry. And it seemed like he already really understood the character in just a few hours.”

    “Okay,” Nick said, expression contorted like he was making a life or death decision and he’d chosen death. “Fine. If that’s what you want and Bertie agrees, Phil Lester can be your Even.” He narrowed his eyes, finger jabbing Dan in the chest. “But you better prove me right.”

    It was ridiculous how much Dan had to fight the urge to smile. “I will,” he promised. He waited until Nick had left the room before letting his grin split his face. A laugh escaped before he could stop it, relief and adrenaline coloring it slightly hysterical. He’d done it--he’d finally found an Even.

    His steps were light as he ran towards the door, knocking Carrie down the stairs where she was waiting outside with PJ. Not even the fact that it looked like they’d been talking about him was enough to dampen his mood.

    PJ helped the girl to her feet, giving him a suspicious look. “What’s got you so happy?”

    “Can’t I smile sometimes?” he protested.

    “Not like that.”

    “I agree,” Carrie chimed in. “Black clothes and gallows humor is more your style.”

    Dan would be more offended, but they were kind of right. He’d known PJ and Carrie since the start of Skam, as they were two of the original cast members. PJ played Jonas, Isak’s best friend, and Carrie played Vilde, one of the main recurring female characters. By this point they’d known each other so long it was impossible to get anything past them. “I hate you both.”

    She patted his back. “We love you too.”

    He glared at her. “I hope you both get eaten by a moth.”

    “Are you going to tell us what’s going on?” PJ interrupted, looking at him expectantly.

    Part of Dan was tempted to leave them guessing, but he really was excited. “I found an Even.” A moment of stunned silence.

    Carrie unfroze first. “You found an Even!” she shouted, pulling him into a hug. “That’s amazing!”

    PJ clapped him on the back, more reserved but smile wide. “Who is it?”

    “Phil Lester,” Dan said once Carrie had released him and he could breathe again. “He’s eighteen and from Rawtenstall. He read the hotel scene and we did yellow curtains again but it just worked this time.”

   “What does he look like?”

    “Tall. Like, I know I’m freakishly tall but he might be a little taller actually. Black hair, his eyes are like a blue, green, yellow shade?”

    “Isak and Even together at last,” PJ said seriously. “And you and Phil really sound like you have chemistry. The sexual tension is essential.”

    “What color are his eyes again?” Carrie asked innocently.

    Dan rolled his eyes. “How are you and Chris getting along Carrie?” he asked pointedly. “Or PJ and--who is it you’re with now?”

    “You’re deflecting,” she said. “And for the record, Chris is lovely. We haven’t spent that much time together so far but I’m sure that’ll change once we start filming.” She threw an arm around his shoulders. “Seriously though, I’m happy for you. And that my job is safe for another six months.”

     It was starting to become stupid how he couldn’t stop smiling, and once the shock wore off he was sure he’d revert to his usual state of dark nothing, but for once he shut off his brain and reveled in the feeling. “Yeah, well, I’m happy for me too.” It wasn’t a lie in the slightest.

::

Friday 15:16

   Phil was trying to pretend he wasn’t staring at his phone waiting for it to ring. His English teacher was giving a lecture about the final paper that he should probably be listening too, but instead he was staring at his empty notifications. The longer the day went on the more convinced he was that he hadn’t gotten the part. It stung more than he thought it would’ve.

   He’d spent the entire day fielding questions from his friends and hiding in the bathroom, hating that he was so excited. He’d even watched the first four episodes of the original Skam last night and started the first two of Skam Britain, and found that he actually enjoyed it far more than he thought he would’ve. Granted, Dan was in the British version so he would always be slightly biased towards that, but there was definitely an appeal in the original version that made him understand its success.

    His phone rang on the table beside him, vibrating against his pencil and sending it rolling to the floor. Phil ducked his head, reaching to silence it. He froze.

    It was an unknown caller.

    His heart leaped into his throat, chair squeaking across the tiles as he bolted for the door. The pencil would have to wait. “Sorry,” he said, pausing long enough to meet the dumbfounded expressions of his classmates. “I have to take this.” His hands were shaking as he pressed answer, sinking onto one of the benches lining the hall. “Hello?

    “Is this Phil?”

    “Yes?”

    “This is Marie from Skam Britain. I’m calling to inform you that you’ve received the part of Even Bech Næsheim in our upcoming season. Congratulations!”

    The phone clattered to the ground. Phil scrambled to recover it, his cheeks starting to hurt with the force of his grin. His brain was starting to short circuit, thoughts frozen somewhere between received the part and congratulations. “Thank you!” he blurted, elation lifting his words into something nonsensical.  

    Marie huffed. “You’re welcome, I guess?” she said, humor lacing her voice. “From what I can tell you’ve earned it.” Phil couldn’t bite back his smile this time at her words, and settled instead for leaning against the back of the bench and listening. “Filming starts Tuesday, but we want you and Dan to spend Sunday together if you’re available?”

    “Yes!” he said, trying unsuccessfully to curb his excitement and sound professional. “That works great.”

    “I’ll email you the address and more information, but welcome to the cast.”

[melitaafterfeather]

The best way to describe the law through a case why young children suffer from criminal parents

My exhisband Dusan Urosevic employee at hsbc we divorced did not divide the finances as he was a criminal lounders money with Emma Sympson alao employee at hsbc

Emma Sympson is infertile can't have children

I did not cancel anything I just find better offer

At the court in Slough and Reading the Judges wanted me to join the criminal gang of illigal masonries

Even my company legally obtained via company house was hacked by criminals and certificate was compromised so as my ID profile stolen London Professional Training ltd My National Insurance was also replaced by exhusband

During court process the requested lump sum was not ruled by the judge Parker and the other fake Judge using my name

The court claims were misplaced nimbers and order of who was the claimant who was the respondent

So I ended up in a financial claim and divorce claim being both applicant and responded and the Judged missed to rule the financial claim separetly he ruled as divorce only

The order of the hearing processes was also replaced on purpose because of loundering money

The actual excuse was playing unlawful court babylon politics etc which was also true

This unwritten laws affected by royals and affected by previous British international problems by immigration wars disrupt the banking system so as the private lives

A reason why I hate faking death covering for others uneducated masons and illigal money from illigal immigrants

There is no good end to this

It's filthy as it is

Hacked phones corrupted Councils corrupted people they have no sense what damage tbey do to their own children

No idea what follows

Britain became international bus station whoever had a problem was releived in Britain

Emma Sympson earns around £21000 per month as an ordinery employee at a bank

Has bought a house of £750000 of which she paid £50000 herself

She could've boight the house herself though she needed a scapegoat my exhusband to lounder money for whatever reason si he can pay a bit if mortgage while she lounders money

If I was satisfied I wouldn't continie tje court process until 2021 when the actual court I filed 2016 and we separeted 2014

The company shares were not addressed by the corrupted Judges house adjustment was not addressed by the Judge

Lump sum was not ruled paid in full as the exhusband didn't have money

After the court ruling the exhusband invested in a house refurbishment bought two cars while children walk and never use the cars

These are only few anomalies caused by corruption apparently Brexit and political parties

Monetisation in Britain called easy money when the illigal immigration was allowed because they count as voting body must end

If we want Britain to ourselves

The EU free trade easy money also caused foreign criminals profit live in big houses while British lived crowded

And so on I'll continue

In or out the written law does not rule position of the body space and whereabouts except the name

This is not traditional Britain

Americans do not help Britain neither immigrants help Britain as immigrants are also manipulated by Americans

English Church does not allow American inuences

Scottish were another source of pain actually few politicians Scots

They want progress with other people's children so they can ruin entire Scotland

Do any of these criminals care about England English language history English heritage

I was told we must protect ourselves

First they are infertile then they alliw others using the beautiful architecture in England in many ways from Churches to Victorian houses which are getting distroyed

I do not like it I won't like this way be assured

[braindamageforbeginners]

The apocalypse is here

Pictured above: Either the I5 North or the current political races. I’m no longer sure. So, this will take a bit of time to get to, but I promise it’ll be good. I guarantee that, I’ll be quoting directly from candidate statements/descriptions (we’ll get back to the abyss soon enough, and the time a DIY project almost killed/crippled Dad)(the man attempted an electrical project, I’d like to point I quietly though this was a bad idea). Anyway, I’m certain that decent, kind, honest, noble, and educated and mostly-human Congresscritters must exist - people do vote for them, after all. However, having met one Congressman and, being lied to the staff of another (pro-tip; no matter how pro-military or manly and awesome you like to think you are, it’s not a reassuring thing to your constituents if there’s an explosion on a large photo in your office. So I have rather low regard for them, as a group (I know, that’s baseless stereotyping).

So you can imagine my surprise at coming to rest in Daryl Issa’s old district, a man so loathed even by his own party that they quietly told him to go away. I’ve seen a lot of strange political events, but, believe me when I say I’ve never seen anything like this; a completely vacant Congressional seat that could be inhabited by a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green, or even some type of salamander (the salamander would’ve been an improvement over Jerry Lewis). Anyway, since there are also assorted state assembly judicial races at stake, they’re all included in this pamphlet (and potentially included in this oversized piece). As usual, I will be selecting choice quotes, and, remember, candidates may include an age and/or occupation.

Kistin Gaspar: “[...] A mother, small business owner, and the mayor of encinitas, she has the get-it-done approach we need in Congress.” Fantastic, just as I start to enjoy the peace and quiet of life without Larry the Cable Guy in the public light, there’s this call-back. Or so I thought, until I found out that the “Get It Done” app is used in our area to report “non-emergency problems to the city.” Now, I hate potholes as much as any American (possibly more, since I used to live in a country where drivers used them to help corner while going 80 mph on unpaved roads). Still, “Fixing potholes” seems a little below the pay-grade of a pre-conviction congresswoman.

Diane Harkey: Healthcare: Diane will worke for policies that increase choice, costs, and allow patietns and doctors to decide what care is best. No, no, she isn’t. Diane’s endorsed/puppeted by the American Independent Party, so she has about as much chance of winning as a large rock. But, more importantly, I’m pretty sure the AIP is only concerned with healthcare as a business that sends them money. The big take-away here is less what I say, and more the fact that third party-associated candidates with little-to-no chance of winning feel compelled to tell everyone their healthcare system will be fine, even if it won’t.

David Medway: “I want to protect working families from increasing taxes, healthcare bills, and gun violence (while protecting our right to bear arms). I want to prevent national catastrophes like pandemics (which I wrote a book about) and environmental disasters (such as protecting our coastline from nuclear waste and oil spills that would devastate our shores). I support women’s rights and the melting pot of cultures tha tmake up California. I support lower taxes, less government and the best healthcare and education in the world for all Americans at reasonable prices. Please define “reasonable,” sir, I suspect our answers will differ. Also, you’ll notice he’s making the classic math mistake - better, improved services at a mere fraction of the tax cost! Which is a bullshit political statement/proposal. You might be able to get a great vaccuum cleaner for a fraction of the name-brand because slavery is still totally legal in some parts of the world (meaning the company saves a lot on payroll), and wholesalers/transportation will give bulk purchase discounts. Unless your local police and firefighters are staffed by robots (always a possibility), imagine City Hall telling them that they now have to do the same job, only much better, and with a pay cut. Oh, and we’re firing one-in-three of their employees. Society tried hat in Silicon Valley (with choppy results), I don’t think you want to try it with ambulances.

Crag Nordal: “I am an Evangelical Christian who will defend and protect Israel, protect innocent human life from conception to birth, and to natural death, defend and protect marriage between a man and a woman, restore Christian and Jewish morals and ethics to our public schools, and protect religious freedoms. I vow to enforce and enhance border security, build that wall, protect and defend our 2nd Amendment as an NRA life member, and wok to shrink government daily and drain that swamp. I believe I have a conviction from God, to enter this race. I ask that you consider my moral character and conviction above any other experience or attributes. Nothing is more important in selecting our leaders in in the Congress of the United States of America. Our country is engaged in a spiritual battle between the guiding force of moral law and those that are working to remove God from every aspect of our society. We need Christian moral leaders to stand up and fight for the God given rights that our Founding Fathers based our Declaration of Independence and the United States Constitution. In the creation of this great country God and His laws were relied on to form the greatest founding documents of any country ever formed by men, and thereby the greatest country ever conceived. The United States was formed to be God’s hammer in this world to contain and destroy evil.” Holy shit (almost literally), is there a lot to discuss - I included all of it because every time I thought I’d gotten to the funny/pertinent point, it went on, like a Harry Potter book . First of all, even though you get looney-tune candidates like this and parts of the GOP that always like to nod to the idea of instituting a theocracy, let’s get that out of the way; this is basic civics, First Amendment expressly forbids the idea of instituting a state religion. Speaking of which, even if that were legally possible, whose religion? When he simultaneously restores Jewish and Christian ethics to the schools, will bacon be allowed in those schools? You get a different answer depending on if you go to church on Saturday or Sunday (which is also something different Christian sects have different ideas on). For the purposes of brevity, I’ll have to just say, everyone’s welcome to their own religion, but the institution of a theocracy - while appealing in theory - would be horrific, brutal, and possibly genocidal (I’ll admit I like the idea of communism, in theory, but I’ve seen enough of the results in the real world to know it’s not a good idea). Also, I appreciate his desire to look after Israel, which is always a positive attribute when you’re voting for someone to look after your own country’s interests (I know there’s a tenuous Biblical connection, but, come on, guys, Isarel’s gotta start fending for itself)(the flip side of hat sentiment would be, “We can talk about Israel when every American has a job, home, and healthcare”). And there’s “I believe I have a conviction from God.” We all have convictions, maybe some of them come from God, but most are personal. Unless he means “I believe I have a mission from God.” Which is more grammatically correct, and, compared to the rest, no crazier or dumber. BTW, I feel like I have to put out a disclaimer about religion and say that I don’t really care if you’re religious, or, as long as it’s not hurting anyone to what extent your religion informs policy proposals (and I wouldn’t expect anyone to be able to determine exactly where one ends and the other begins; our minds just aren’t built that way) - there’s a massive difference between that and standing up in the middle of church (let alone Congress) and shouting, “GOD COMMANDS ME TO CAST OUT THE UNWORTHY.” I do like his demand that we judge him exclusively on his faith and not on what he says, does, or anything else that might involve objective reality. Oh, and that bit about “God’s hammer in this world” really upset me when I first read it, and I couldn’t figure why, until I remembered this quote, “ "I am the Flail of God. If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you. “ which is attributed to Genghis Khan (even if you think the temporary stability and increased trade in Asia as a result of the Mongol Empire is awesome, remember that 40-60 million people died due to his campaigns and policies)(the Mongols tended to obliterate cropland, so whoever they didn’t kill usually starved).

Robert Pendleton MD, PhD - Surgeon/Biochemist/Small Businessman/Visual Artist: “ My name is Robert Pendelton Md PhD and I feel a calling to awaken the apathetic and unite disenfranchised moderates. I am an eye-surgeon, biochemist, small businessman, and visual artist, and the K9USA Party is my vision for a better world. K9 is a political party and philosophy of decision-making based upon the attributes of dogs that make “man’s best-friend” so special: Unconditional Love, Simple Needs, and Readiness to Defend. Adapted to national politics, international politics, and our personal lives, these attributes become the nine K9 principles: Socially Progressive, Fiscally Conservative, and militarily prepared (national, Altruistic, Sovereign, and United (international), and Loving, Lean and Strong (personal).2020 Application of K9 Principles yields the “six results” of Tolerance, Security, Health, Happiness, Peace and Freedom. My “2020 Vision” is for the K9USA Party to elect a majority of representatives (50% women) to the United States Congress and Presidency by the year 2020... Donkeys and elephants have failed. It’s time for dogs to lead.” I have only just heard of this man and I love him.

[rileymcdaniels]

community resources you should try to find if you’re struggling

(this is a quick list i whipped up and i want you guys to reblog and add to it with your ideas)

note: this is based on my limited knowledge of community resources that exist generally in the USA. i’m not a professional social services provider or anything like that.

i know most of these things require applications. and i know it sucks. but i don’t think a lot of people know about these things so i’m just trying to help spread some knowledge.

general info on social services

local libraries: my dudes, libraries are the shit. sometimes library systems have social workers who can provide you with information and connect you to social services. even if they don’t, it’s a good place to start for anything you need. 

government websites: this will get you started with general (but sometimes specific) information about housing, places to get food, and other things like medical care. might take some searching because government sites are not always............ well-designed or user-friendly

check if your local government has some kind of resource helpline! in king county, you can call 211 and get information on social services. your local government might have something similar.

housing

vouchers: local/state governments often offer help affording rent on the private market. i live in king county in washington state in the US. we have what are called section 8 vouchers, so i’ll use them as an example. if you have them where you live, you need to look up how to get them bc the process and exact numbers will be different.  you apply for section 8 vouchers and there’s a waiting list. when you get one, you can rent from any landlord in the county who takes section 8 vouchers, and you’ll pay at least 28% of your rent but not more than 40%

subsidized housing: this type of government-funded housing means you will only pay X% of your household’s income for rent and utilities. this can include public housing which is owned and managed by the local housing authority. this also requires an application process through the local housing authority.

moderate-income housing: my county has this, and in king county, you have to contact the property management for properties on a list the county maintains to see if you qualify or how to apply. from how i understand it works in king county, property owners/managers/developers/whoever get tax breaks or something to set aside units in their buildings/complexes as low-income units for this program.

if you are a college/university student, talk to your school to see what your options are if you don’t have housing over breaks.

food

if you’re in the US, you can call:  1-866-3-HUNGRY (1-866-348-6479) or 1-877-8-HAMBRE (1-877-842-6273) in Spanish from 7am-10pm EST.

find local food banks. if you live in a big city, there’s probably more than one.

contact local religious organizations. they might run food banks or soup kitchens. exercise reasonable care when interacting with them if you’re LGBTQ+ unless you know they’re cool. 

food stamps/SNAP/WIC: the US government runs its own program, and states probably do, too. if you’re a parent (especially a cis mother) with kids, there’s extra programs to help you. there are income limits and an application process.

if you go to school, check with your school to see if they have a food bank specifically for students.

legal aid

contact your local bar organization for the free/”pro bono” services they offer. they might have income restrictions (usually around 200% of the federal poverty line, but in washington, ours tends to cap out at 400%) for pro bono lawyers who represent you. pro bono lawyers are lawyers who work in private practice but choose to take on clients at no cost to the client. HOWEVER, if you need advice on how to proceed or help filling out a document, there are usually programs where you can speak to a lawyer in person for usually an hour and get their advice.

check to see if there are non-profit legal aid organizations near you. some of them will be issue-specific. for example, i’m interning at a non-profit which only does unemployment benefits hearings. others do a wide variety of law. even if they don’t have the resources to represent you, they will be able to give you information. their websites are usually very informative. 

see if your local courthouse has walk-in legal services. these services are probably run by the county or state bar and run by volunteer lawyers and assistants (who are usually law students). 

if you live near a law school, they might run clinics for certain areas of law where students give advice and represent you while they are supervised by real attorneys. my law school has clinics for immigration, workers rights, and international human rights, among others. it is worth a look and a call to see if they might be able to help you.

your state or county bar association might also have videos and information on various legal issues. the law is complicated -- don’t always trust what you read on tumblr, for example. there are resources out there compiled by people who are licensed to practice law. USE THOSE. 

know your rights: the ACLU has a ton of “know your rights” pamphlets, and your local bar association and local legal organizations will have a shit ton of ones specific to your area. landlords will try to fuck you over, but there are things they cannot legally do under federal law or state law (there’s such a thing as the implied warranty of habitability). 

there are so many more that i don’t know about specifically or know enough about to list. there are whole organizations and departments of government that exist to provide resources and help. you don’t have to go this alone or rely on the kindness of internet strangers (who can’t be relied upon). 

[thechasefiles]

The Chase Files Daily Newscap 7/1/2019

Good Morning #realdreamchasers. Here is your daily news cap for Tueday January 7th, 2020. There is a lot to read and digest so take your time. Remember you can read full articles via Barbados Government Information Service (BGIS), Barbados Today (BT), or by purchasing a Daily Nation Newspaper (DN).

NEW YEAR NEW MOVES – Former central bank governor Dr DeLisle Worrell has urged Government to ramp up its renewable energy drive and develop niche tourism among other steps to boost an economy still struggling to recover as a new decade opens. In his first 2020 newsletter, he called on outside help to reform the public service. Dr Worrell said: “As we embark on the third decade of the 21st century, Barbadians look to our economic prospects with a mixture of hope and trepidation. “Our hopes are grounded in our economy’s inherent strengths – our highly regarded tourism services, good transport and communications, reliable public services, and our resourceful and well-educated work force.” He said while there was a road to prosperity ahead for Barbados, “major obstacles remain in the path and once they are addressed we can have confident hope for a better future for our country”. In addition to a “practical” timeframe for ridding the island of fossil fuel use, the former governor of the Central Bank proposed a strategic focus on developing niche areas in tourism, and a revamp of the public sector. “In order to realise our full potential, there are a number of policies which Government might consider,” Dr Worrell said. He proposed a focus on food, culture, heritage, sports and other niches in tourism, adding that the private sector should be encouraged to embrace “Barbados’ high-end reputation, and to focus on giving excellent value for money”. He added: “Barbados’ strength in tourism is the quality and variety of services and activities which our island has to offer. “Government incentives for tourism should be biased towards continuing to improve quality and variety.“High volume, low-cost tourism, including large cruise ships, bring risks of overcrowding and environmental degradation.” The veteran economist also recommended that Government consider contracting the “best international expertise” to conduct a three-year makeover of the public service. Acknowledging that this would be costly, Dr Worrell said it would be money well spent, if it were designed to bring all Government functions and services to an international standard of performance, comparable to Canada or Singapore. He also called on Government to publish a strategy document “with a practical time-bound plan for the complete replacement of fossil fuels as a source of energy”. He said: “Renewable energy has the potential, in time, to provide the economy with a sector of comparable weight to tourism”. Borrowing from the example of the most successful firms in the industry, Dr Worrell said the future of international business seemed to be in providing marketing, promotional, training and similar services. He said: “Government agencies should aim to attract international companies to set up offices in Barbados to provide these services to their international clients.” Dr Worrell also pointed to the need for multilingual abilities, saying it was something highly prized in international commerce. He suggested that Barbados could enhance its international competitiveness with a comprehensive programme to provide foreign language skills from the primary school level. He also reiterated his call for Government to consider permanently retiring the Barbados dollar and using the US dollar for all domestic transactions. “Importantly, Government would have no recourse to creating new money to finance excessively large deficits in the absence of a domestic currency,” said Dr Worrell. He also believed that Barbados could become a “gateway” into and out of the Caribbean, adding that historically, the island had been such for two centuries or more. For that to take place, he said Government would need to enter strategic partnerships with international firms for the management of the airport and seaport. He said: “Government should partner with international companies which have well-established global networks, and the capacity to finance upgrades to the Barbados facilities from their own resources.” Government is in the process of attracting private sector interest to run the Grantley Adams International Airport. While an investor is yet to be chosen, Government has promised a 30-year concession, with the intention that the chosen party would invest between $260 million and $300 million to expand and develop the port of entry. (BT)

‘NEW DEVELOPMENTS THREATENING CITY’S WORLD HERITAGE DESIGNATION’ – Less than a week after Prime Minister Mia Mottley outlined plans for the development of Bridgetown, the Barbados National Trust is warning that The City is in danger of losing its UNESCO World Heritage designation. According to president of the Barbados National Trust Peter Stevens, this is the inevitable result, based on the plans he has seen for several new developments in Bridgetown. He told Barbados TODAY that while his organisation supports Government’s initiative to develop The City, there needs to be more imagination in the utilization of the heritage space. “We are not going to keep our world heritage designation once we do all of this stuff. The reality is that the way we are heading we are going to lose our listing. It is true that we do not need a world heritage city, but the fact is that we’ve got it. I foresee that we are heading for serious trouble and we are going to be bandied around the world as one of the three places that would have lost their world heritage designation,” said Stevens. During her national address last week, PM Mottley highlighted several areas in the capital city which have been earmarked for development. She revealed that the way is being cleared for other major investments there, including the Pierhead and Carlisle House Project expected to come on stream this year. She revealed that plans for a City facelift will include the construction of the Golden Square Freedom Park and the completion of the Fairchild Street Market Village. Mottley said 100 new vending stalls will be constructed at the market. In addition, she announced that improvements are already started at Temple Yard which has benefitted from the installation of water and electricity. However, Stevens contends that while Government is not compelled to build around a heritage city, he is concerned that the coming developments are also not necessarily geared towards the alternative modern city. “I do have a rough idea from some of the plans I have seen and the early planning applications for some of the structures and I am concerned that we are not looking at this from the perspective that we have a heritage city. I am also concerned that we may not even be looking at it from the perspective that we could be a modern vibrant city,” explained Stevens. “Bridgetown could either be a city developed using the aspects of its heritage by building modern buildings around its world heritage structures. The other option would be to get a clean slate and build a fully modern city and do away with the whole world heritage designation. The problem is that we are not planning for either scenario, instead we are throwing new development at The City. I don’t see the plans for a modern city and I certainly don’t see the plans for a heritage city,” he said. The national trust head made it clear that his organisation is not against development of Bridgetown. However, he noted that there was no consultation with the trust as it pertains to the upcoming developments. “We are not saying that all developments are bad but what we are seeing thus far are persons allowed to come in and build without limitations. I don’t see any criterion put in place limiting how far people can go and certainly not as it relates to these historic sites. None of these designs were presented to the national trust for our input, we saw them at the same time that everybody else got to see them. We have had no time to gather our thoughts and make an input because it is all happening so fast and we have not been included,” he stressed. (BT)

DELIVERY STILL LAGS IN CUSTOMS DEBACLE – At least one international shipping agency has blamed multiple “technical issues” for its failure to deliver packages on time with the implementation of updated package clearance software at Barbados’ port of entry. But an official at the Universal Postal Service’s (UPS) Corporate Office in Atlanta, Georgia believes customs officials, couriers, and the original shipper may be the reason the prolonged backlog exists. Meanwhile, scores of upset Barbadians continue to approach Barbados TODAY, frustrated that their packages remain undelivered as customs officials and shipping companies attempt to absolve themselves of any blame. According to UPS Corporate Customer Relations Manager David Te’o the delay was “in part” because the shipper “keyed in” an incorrect import number. While admitting he was sorry the issue took so long to be corrected the manager promised to have it cleared up and the package delivered by Monday. The official was unable to give much insight on the challenges faced by the company’s local branch attributable to the new ASYCUDA World customs software but said the lack of proper documentation and incorrect information by a shipper, a delivery company or even customs officials would result in lengthy wait periods worldwide. “So, depending on whoever is at the customs office or inputs the information, that’s really all due to timing and if you don’t get the right people involved or don’t know who to contact, that could further delay things,” Te’o said. He however did not know how many packages in the care of UPS were held up by these or similar circumstances. Cherrisa Moore, a Barbadian studying in the U.K with children in Barbados said she shipped a package via DHL’s two-day delivery so her children could receive their Christmas gifts just after December 25th. “The package was sent off on December 23rd. With bank holidays in the mix it was to arrive in Barbados on December 27th which it did. To date the package is still in Barbados’ customs awaiting a clearance event other than normal customs. I am greatly saddened by this as it means my children have not received their Christmas gifts and no one there is telling me or DHL anything,” she said. Ezra Parris said he has had a UPS package languishing with authorities since September 5 with no progress. “The question is, what recourse do I have? What compensation?” he asked. The frustrated customer continued: “Customs says it is not their fault. The courier says it is not theirs. Meantime the customer suffers in a sort of hell as their possessions rot away.” Another citizen who requested anonymity said she was having a similar issue with courier, Aeropost, who she claims is blaming customs officials for delays dating back to November last year. “Up to now after visiting the airport branch and calling I am just being told that they have to clear a backlog from November 1, 2019. Mind you this is January. I’ve asked about compensation and they told me I must take it up with the Government,” said the concerned citizen. “How are we as Barbadians paying for a service and cannot receive our packages in a timely manner? My children went without Christmas presents because Aeropost claims customs is the delay. This needs to be highlighted as a matter or urgency.” Meanwhile, Comptroller of Customs Owen Holder denied that the Customs and Excise Department is responsible for the issues and has warned against spreading information that is “absolutely untrue” about his department. He insisted to Barbados TODAY that despite some kinks which affected the system when it was initially implemented, ASYCUDA World is now working “perfectly”. The problem, he suggested, is with some couriers who are simply refusing to make necessary adjustments to their internal processes. (BT)

PSV WORKER WANTS OWNER SPOKESMAN’S HEAD – A prominent public service vehicle operator is demanding the resignation of the spokesman for the organisation that represents owners. Ricardo Forde, former vice president of the short-lived Public Service Vehicles Workers Association (PSVWA), is insisting that Mark Haynes step down as public relations officer for the Alliance Owners of Public Transport (AOPT) over comments he made during his New Year’s message. While Forde agrees with the AOPT’s “Vision 2020” to train drivers and conductors, he expressed serious misgivings that Haynes should “complain” that some PSV operators are refusing to work after 6 p.m. Forde declared: “I believe that Mr Haynes should step down from his job for even saying those words knowing the hours that these workers leave home on mornings to be on the road. “And then you got to be driving people, not pigs. “You already working past 12, 14 hours and he saying that is a problem for we finishing work by 6 o’clock; and then a worker got shot a couple months ago and nobody ain’t get hold for it yet.” The former PSV association vice president went on to make a case for shorter hours for workers. He told Barbados TODAY: “You got to care about people’s lives. We does hardly see [our] children…you can’t be a parent. “The system has too many disadvantages in this kind of work already… and to complain about finishing work by 6 p.m. or 7. “Most of the workers have to remain on the road late at night because they didn’t make any money during the day.” Forde suggested that when workers remain on the road late at night, they could be placing their lives and those of the passengers at risk. “All kinds of problems out there [on the road at night]. They [the drivers] could be sleepy,” he added. The PSV operator told Barbados TODAY that instead of Haynes complaining about workers refusing to stay on the job past 6 p.m., the association should meet with the drivers and conductors to explore alternate ways to address the long hours. Forde identified heightened security and a shift system are two ways that could be discussed to address the working hours issue. “[Haynes] should be looking at a way to find a solution or a way to get heightened security… find a way where some workers could start early… some finish midday, and if security is right, some could work, say, from 2 o’clock to midnight. We got to help. We got to talk it out and work together,” he said. At a personal level, Forde revealed that he leaves home at 4.30 am and works until 7.30 p.m. or 8 p.m.  He said he still has to collect his daughter from his mother afterwards. “Then I have to come home and make sure she gets to bed and that she is ready for school the next morning. These things are hard being a parent and still doing that particular job,” he said. But in response, Haynes described his colleague’s call for his resignation as immature, suggesting that Forde took his comment out of context. The AOPT spokesman explained that he was merely responding to complaints by some commuters and was not suggesting that workers should be on the road a whole day without a break. Haynes told Barbados TODAY: “I was only concerned that after 6 p.m. some commuters complained that they couldn’t get home and so on. “We were looking at that to ensure what systems can be put in place to ensure there is safety, not only for the commuters, but for the workers.” He also said he was seeking to show his association’s sensitivity to the long hours which drivers and conductors worked. He said: “We know that after some more hours men would be tired. “We were looking from the point of view that after 6 o’clock when they come off the road, it means that people would not be able to get home and they [commuters] were crying out. “Sometimes you are in a Catch-22 situation. “You are trying to deal with one set of people and then by virtue of doing so, another set of people would say you are attacking them. “It was not a direct attack on any workers out there, because I know the guys work hard and they would be tired and would need to get home to their families. “So I don’t think that I made any comment that is insensitive. I said it was just a concern; and I didn’t go into any detail, except to say that after 6, the guys tend to want to go because they might have been out early and they want to go, rightfully so, to their place of abode to prepare for the next day.” But while the two PSV operators clashed over the hours of work, they were on the same page with respect to a possible solution. Haynes agrees with Forde that the answer may lie in a shift system. “Right! Like looking at a two-tier system where guys come on when others would have gone off.   Then another set come on and work until about 11 p.m. or 12 midnight,” he said. Haynes told Barbados TODAY the evening shift could start from around 5 p.m. But, he added: “I was not in any way seeking to impute that those guys who started from early should work right through without stopping, except for lunch. “That would be rather insensitive and irresponsible on my part. “That was not what I said at all. “So [Forde] needs to understand what I said and take what I said in context.” (BT)

TRAVELLING PUBLIC HOPEFUL CHANGES WILL BE BENEFICIAL – Travelling to the Constitution River Terminal may be inconvenient for some commuters, but it would appear that some are willing to put up with the disruption. From yesterday, several public service vehicles (PSVs), on routes to areas in Christ Church, including Silver Hill and Fairy Valley, were relocated from the Probyn Street loading bay to the terminal.  They moved to accommodate the upcoming transformation of the area, which includes the demolition of the abandoned NIS building, the Barbados Fire Service’s Probyn Street headquarters and the temporary market.  The demolition will make way for Golden Square Freedom Park and the construction of 100 new stalls at the Fairchild Street Market.  (DN)

POLICE CHIEF SAYS ANALYSIS OF CRIME MUST TACKLE ROOT CAUSES – Even though 2019 would go down as Barbados’ bloodiest year, with the country recording its highest number of murders in a year, Commissioner of Police Tyrone Griffith, has said that the picture painted by the crime statistics, is not as bad as some may have thought. In fact, he suggested that given how the first month of 2019 began with nine murders, the Royal Barbados Police Force should be applauded for bringing some measure of control to the problem. He explained that based on the murder rate trajectory after January 2019, Barbados was heading for over 100 murders last year. And though Barbados has seen its first murder just five days into the new year, Griffith cautioned Barbadians against thinking that law enforcement is not taking the necessary steps to curb violence, especially those perpetrated through the use of a firearm. “We should not pull out numbers in isolation. I see a lot of people talking about the fact that we have 48 murders. If you sit back and analyze the numbers, you would realize that in January alone there were nine murders. Based on that trajectory, one would have expected 108 murders by the end of 2019. So effectively something had to have been done to pull things back,” said Griffith, who was interviewed by Barbados TODAY ahead of the release of the 2019 Crime Statistics, expected later this week. The Commissioner said that while the murder rate is high, major crimes fell in 2019 by 16 per cent. In fact, with the exception of murder, all categories of major crimes have seen notable reductions, which supports the point that Barbados does not have a run-away crime situation. “We looked at serious crimes and when we looked at the numbers for this year, serious crimes are significantly down… by 16 per cent. The only area that is up in serious crimes is murder,” he explained, noting that an analysis of the murders has shown that the root causes run deep. “We have to do a much deeper analysis of the murders to see where the programmes that we put in place could be better. A lot of the issues related to murder run far deeper than law enforcement, but everybody is looking to law enforcement for the answers. The reality is that there are deep-seated, social and economic issues that need to be urgently addressed. We should not pull out single items such as murders and try to form an opinion on the country’s crime situation,” Griffith explained. He also pointed out that the police force was still suffering from a lack of manpower, a deficiency which the force intends to make up for through the use of creative planning and technology. “We need to do a thorough assessment in order to determine where we can have improvements and where we have done well. The fact remains that we are still hampered by resources and that is why a lot of our programmes have to be far more intense and driven by technology,” said Griffith. He further noted that with Government’s ambitious agenda for 2020, the limited resources of the police force are expected to be stretched even further. (BT)

BID TO CUT BACKLOG OF MURDER CASES – All eighty-four murder accused, some with cases as old as ten years, will have their day in court this year. In addition, with 54 matters awaiting sentencing, the new Assizes system will see the last Friday of each month dedicated to those decisions, with the intention of reducing that backlog by the end of February. The new system was rolled out by Justice Carlisle Greaves yesterday as he joined four other judges for the historic sitting of five High Courts to hear the Criminal Assizes. Justice Greaves, who will preside over Supreme Court No 3, joins Justices Randall Worrell who sits in Supreme Court 2, Laurie-Ann Smith-Bovell in No 4, Christopher Birch in No. 5A and Pamela Beckles who presides over Court No. 5. (DN)

POLICE INVESTIGATING SUICIDE – Police are investigating the apparent suicide of one of their officers. Ryan Delano Spencer Coppin, 37, was found hanging at his home at Gooseberry Drive, Ruby, St Philip, around 6:30 a.m. today. Police from District C responded to the call, but there was no sign of life.Coppin was pronounced dead at the scene by a medical doctor. (DN)

FRIEND RECALLS FINDING COP’S BODY – The man who found Constable Ryan Delano Spencer Coppin hanging near his St Philip home yesterday morning, said he still could not believe his only friend was dead. Matthew Steele discovered the 37-year-old lawman hanging at a house next door to his in Gooseberry Drive, Ruby, around 6:30 a.m., after Coppin’s girlfriend Shanda Moore called saying she could not find him.According to a police report, Coppin, the father of a young boy, was on suspension and had been charged with a number of criminal matters.  “When I saw Ryan, the only thought I had was that he’s not dead; he can’t be dead. Honestly to this moment I still don’t believe that Ryan dead. I don’t even know if I can physically attend his funeral,” Steele told the DAILY NATION last night. (DN)

WOMAN LOSES SECOND SON TO VIOLENCE - Within the space of 11 years, Carlyn Bedford has lost two sons in the same St Michael district – both in violent circumstances. In 2009, Alex Wayne Massiah, 26, was stabbed to death while in Division Drive, Eden Lodge. He used to sell snacks at 2nd Avenue, Johnson Land, Green Hill, also in St Michael. Last Saturday, his older brother David Orlando Bedford became the first person gunned down for 2020, following a record year in which there were 49 murders. According to police reports, the incident took place around 8:20 p.m. in a poorly-lit alley between Blocks No. 1 and No. 2 in Nursery Close, Eden Lodge. (DN)

CHRIST CHURCH MAN SHOT IN MARL HOLE GAP – The man shot at Marl Hole Gap, St Michael, has been identified as Julian Harewood. The 27-year-old of Harmony Hall, Christ Church, was shot in the abdomen and back around 12:56 p.m. in the vicinity of a neighbourhood shop. He was transported by private vehicle to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. (DN)

ACCUSED OWNS UP TO SMALL DRUG FIND – The quantity of cannabis which a St Michael man was held with was so little that Magistrate Douglas Frederick reprimanded and discharged him on two drug charges. Aidan Wendell Wilkinson, a 45-year-old mason of Pinder Gap, Howells Cross Road, St Michael, breathed a sigh of relief after leaving the dock of the District ‘A’ Magistrates’ Court where he had earlier pleaded guilty to possession and cultivating the drug. The facts as presented by prosecutor Sergeant Vernon Waithe are that police executed a search warrant at Wilkinson’s residence in relation to another matter. While searching a cupboard in the kitchen a teacup wrapped in newspaper was found to be containing vegetable matter suspected to be cannabis. When asked to account for it, Wilkinson said, “That is mine”. A further search in the yard revealed one plant attached to soil suspected to be cannabis. “This is my house, everything is mine,” Wilkinson admitted. (BT)

MAN MUST DO 100 HOURS OF COMMUNITY SERVICE FOR WEED – A coconut vendor who tried to outrun police while carrying a pocketful of illegal drugs will have to complete 100 hours of community service. That was the decision of Magistrate Douglas Frederick after Shaquille Aidan Wilkinson, 23, of Hannahs Valley, Christ Church, pleaded guilty in the District ‘A’ Magistrates’ Court to having cannabis in his possession on January 5, 2020. The 23-year-old was ordered to complete the 100 hours by March 27, when he is scheduled to reappear in court. Prosecutor Sergeant Vernon Waithe, in giving the facts, revealed that police executed a search warrant at the residence and Wilkinson was seen by police in the yard. He looked in their direction he ran off. He was chased by lawmen and eventually apprehended. Wilkinson consented to a search and during that search a purple plastic bag with vegetable matter suspected to be cannabis was found. When asked to account for it he said, “That is a little shake-off I had to smoke.” The illegal drugs weighed 5.4 grams and had a street value of $30. (BT)

ASSAULT CASE ADJOURNED UNTIL FEB 24 – Two neighbours charged with assaulting each other have been ordered to keep their distance. Additionally, both Lisa Sasha Joseph and Corey Rawdon Massiah will have to report to police stations once a week as part of their bail conditions. Joseph, a 26-year-old nail technician of Howell’s Cross Road, Ivy, St Michael, appeared in the District ‘A’ Magistrates’ Court this morning charged with assaulting Massiah and Betty Wilkinson, occasioning them actual bodily harm, on January 5. Meanwhile, Massiah was also in court to answer the charge of assaulting Joseph on the same date. They both pleaded not guilty to their charges. There were no objections to bail and Magistrate Douglas Frederick cautioned each accused to stay away from the other. Joseph, who was released on $4000 bail will have to report to Central Police Station every Wednesday by 10 a.m. Massiah was granted $2500 bail and he will have to report to the District ‘A’ Police Station every Monday by 10 a.m. They will return to court on February 24. (BT)

ST ANDREW VILLAGE BADES SLAIN ARTIST FAREWELL – Relatives and friends of award-winning artist Cecil Dwayne Webb, one of the three men who died in a bloody cutlass attack on Independence Day, found it extremely difficult to say goodbye to their loved one who was laid to rest today. The hundreds who gathered in and outside the Evening Light Pentecostal Church, Arch Hall, St Thomas, struggled to hold back the tears as they reflected on the life of the NIFCA award-winning sculptor. In a service while grieving relatives shed tears, Webb was described as a multi-talented individual who has touched many lives positively. In her tribute, Webb’s niece Lisa Belle asked the congregation to never forget the million-dollar smile her uncle always wore on his face. Belle, who lives in the United States, said she would forever cherish the daily conversations she had with hee 49-year-old uncle when he took time out to teach her about woodwork and painting. Webb, who taught himself woodwork using a screwdriver, entered NIFCA the first year he started, she recalled.  She said not only did he believe in himself, but he also believed in those he sought to help. Webb was a multiple NIFCA award winner in fine arts with wood as his medium.  He won the Central Bank Governor’s Award in 2017 for a piece titled Rhythm and Wood which he entered in the Crop Over Visual Arts Festival. He also volunteered with the District Emergency Organization. Belle said: “Webb was one of those people who had so many talents.  “You would talk about him and all you would hear about is he was just so talented. “He was a plumber by trade and so many other things he was just by sheer natural talent. “We all know he was an artist, he was a sculptor, he was very athletic, he would teach martial arts, we found out recently that he was a musician teaching people.  “He was one of those people who could look at something and say ‘yes, I can do this’ and he meant he could do it.” Belle also encouraged the congregation to live in a way that would leave them with no regrets, since that was how Webb lived his life. Webb, Terry Small and Jeffneil Browne, died in a sword attack at Walkers Terrace, St Andrew. Cuthbert Mayers, 70, was also injured in the incident. Residents told reporters at the scene that Browne, who they said was known for walking with sharp-edged tools, allegedly started the attack at Webb’s home. They said Webb was discovered bent over in his backyard bleeding and screaming for help. It is believed that Webb, a small farmer, was tending to his animals when he was attacked. Residents also said that Browne then went over to Small’s residence still brandishing the sword and allegedly inflicted the fatal wound. Members of the St Andrew community came out in their numbers to bade farewell to their friend with whom they became familiar when he moved to the area in 2016. Webb’s neighbour Denny Smith was visibly distraught. Smith tearfully related that Webb was one of the best persons he has ever met, explaining that the deceased did only good for those in the close-knit community. He said: “I loved him. We all loved him. He was one of the best human beings I have ever met in my long life, both here and while living abroad. “He sought out elderly people and helped them. He provided for them, he carried stuff and he did their chores and offered any assistance that he could render. “Unfortunately though, Dwayne came up against a person who was consumed with evil, who apparently had issues going back to his childhood.  “And when good and evil collides, sometimes good wins out, but in this particular case evil won.” Smith said though it had only been five weeks since Webb died, he was already missing the delightful Sunday morning conversation they shared. He added: “It was such a major tragedy. The community has been traumatized ever since because we already had another situation [where the body of 22-year-old Rahim Ward of Cottage Grove, St George was discovered in a shallow grave] near the St Andrew Parish Church.  “This one though, this one is incurable because of the amount of pain that it brought, the loss and the sadness. “My concern though is that I did not see a lot of people either from Government, or social organizations reach out and there is still hurt, there is still pain, there is still anger because in many ways we have never felt supported by the wider community.” A Seventh Day Adventist (SDA) church held an open-air service in the area in an attempt to calm the hurting souls, he noted.  He also recalled that Minister of Transport and Works Dr William Duguid, who is a close family friend, also visited Webb’s home on the day of the incident. Pastor Paul Leacock, who centred his sermon on the biblical story of Cane and Abel, attempted to persuade mourners that they need to conquer any negativity has been crouching at their doors, since mankind has the tendency to do what was wrong in the sight of God. Leacock preached that at times people became angry because of the contrast between their behaviour and prosperity and that of others. “And rather than looking at how they can better themselves, they rather erase the competition, remove the possibility and the contrast so that they can look good because your good looking is not theirs,” he said.  Webb was buried at the St James Cemetery. (BT)

IRAN PROMISES REVENGE DURING SOLEIMANI FUNERAL – Iran’s supreme leader wept in grief with hundreds of thousands of mourners thronging Tehran’s streets on Monday for the funeral of military commander Qassem Soleimani, killed by a U.S. drone on the orders of U.S. President Donald Trump. As the coffins of General Qassem Soleimani and Iraqi militia leader Abu Mahdi al-Muhandis, who also died in Friday’s attack in Baghdad, were passed over the heads of mourners, Soleimani’s successor vowed to expel U.S. forces from the region in revenge. The killing of the 62-year-old Soleimani, architect of Iran’s drive to extend its influence across the Middle East, has stoked concern around the world that a broader regional conflict could erupt. Trump has listed 52 Iranian targets, including cultural sites, that could be hit if Iran retaliates with attacks on Americans or U.S. assets, although U.S. officials sought to play down the president’s reference to cultural targets. General Esmail Ghaani, Soleimani’s successor as commander of the Quds Force, the elite unit of Iran’s Revolutionary Guards charged with overseas operations, promised to “continue martyr Soleimani’s cause as firmly as before with the help of God, and in return for his martyrdom we aim to rid the region of America. “God the Almighty has promised to take martyr Soleimani’s revenge,” he told state television. “Certainly, actions will be taken.” Other political and military leaders have made similar, unspecific threats. Iran, which lies at the mouth of the key Gulf oil shipping route, has a range of proxy forces in the region through which it could act. The crowd in Tehran, which state media said numbered in the millions, recalled the masses that gathered in 1989 for the funeral of the Islamic Republic’s founder, Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini. Soleimani was a national hero in Iran – even to many who do not consider themselves supporters of Iran’s clerical rulers. Aerial footage showed people, many clad in black, packing thoroughfares and side streets and chanting “Death to America!” – a welcome show of national unity for Tehran after anti-government protests in November in which many demonstrators were killed. Iran’s demand for U.S. forces to withdraw from the region gained traction on Sunday when Iraq’s parliament passed a resolution calling for all foreign troops to leave the country. Iraqi caretaker Prime Minister Abdel Abdul Mahdi told the U.S. ambassador to Baghdad on Monday that both nations needed implement the resolution, the premier’s office said in a statement. It did not give a timeline. The United States has about 5 000 troops in Iraq. Soleimani, widely seen as Iran’s second most powerful figure behind Khamenei, built a network of proxy militia that formed a crescent of influence – and a direct challenge to the United States and its regional allies led by Saudi Arabia – stretching from Lebanon through Syria and Iraq to Iran. Outside the crescent, Iran nurtured allied Palestinian and Yemeni groups. He notably mobilized Shi’ite Muslim militia forces in Iraq that helped to crush Islamic State, the Sunni militant group that had seized control of swathes of Syria and Iraq in 2014. Washington, however, blames Soleimani for attacks on U.S. forces and their allies. Prayers at Soleimani’s funeral in Tehran, which moves to the general’s southern home city of Kerman on Tuesday, were led by Khamenei, who wept as he spoke. (Reuters)

PUERTO RICO BRACING FOR AFTERSHOCKS AFTER 5.8 QUAKE – A damaging earthquake struck Puerto Rico early Monday, with plenty of aftershocks expected. The magnitude 5.8 tremor happened at 5:32 a.m., the United States Geological Survey said. It was centred about eight miles south-southeast of Indios, Puerto Rico, at a depth of about 3.7 miles below ground. No major injuries were reported, Puerto Rico Director of Emergency Management Carlos Acevedo said. He said some homes were damaged in Guanica, and a home collapsed in Guayanilla. Some victims of the earthquake posted photos of deep cracks in walls. (CNN)

MET OFFICE MONITORING SEA CONDITIONS – Sea conditions are expected to deteriorate over the next few days and officials at the Met Office say a high-surf advisory and small-craft warning may be issued for Barbados on Wednesday. A strong high pressure system centred over the central North Atlantic is forecast to generate easterly to east north-easterly surface winds of 20 to 25 knots (37 to 46 km/h), and easterly to east north-easterly swells peaking near 3.5m (11ft). Marine models indicate sea conditions could deteriorate from late Thursday into the following week and the advisory may be issued. Large waves and dangerous rip-currents during this time could create unsafe conditions for small-craft operators, particularly on the eastern, northern-eastern and south-eastern coastlines of Barbados. These conditions could become even more adverse during high tide. All residents are advised to pay special attention for any updates from the Barbados Meteorological Services. (DN)

WE GATHER MORE THAN A CELEBRATION – While We Gatherin’ 2020 is intended to be a time for celebration, an Anglican cleric has suggested the year-long initiative will also be a time for Barbadians to come together and rekindle the values that once made the nation great as it moves towards a brighter future. Rector of the St Lucy Parish Church, Canon Curtis Goodridge, made this point as he delivered the sermon at the We Gatherin’ church service held at the church over the weekend. The Anglican priest also made the point that there were certain traditions and values we should maintain and other behaviours that had crept into our society that we would do better to discard. Canon Goodridge said: “As we go forward, there are certain things we must never leave behind, such as, good morals and values, discipline, decency, respect for law and order, respect for the sanctity and dignity of human life, and respect for property. “These are all important and necessary for all of us to go forward as a country, and they are never old fashioned or outdated, but relevant for all time. Indiscipline, crime and violence, selfishness and disrespect must not be seen as part of Barbadian culture. “We must contribute to building a Barbados of peace, love, unity and goodwill to all. “We must combat all the negativity that a minority seems to want to flourish in this country. “We must ‘big up Barbados’ – when we think of Barbados, we should see it as a country where its people are loving, especially to visitors to our land. “We should see a stable government, a place where there is peace and tranquility, a place where people from all over the world can visit and have a good time. That is the kind of Barbados we all want to see.” He cited examples of celebrations in the Bible, and called on all Barbadians to come together in this time of rejoicing. He said: “This celebration should be used to build relationships. “It should be seen as a time when all Barbadians pledge to do their part, no matter how small, to make this country a better country and bring this country back to what it once was. “A country in which we will be our brothers’ and sisters’ keeper and look out for each other. “We will love our brothers and sisters as we love ourselves and do unto others as we would have them do unto us. “We need to go forward together as a nation regardless of colour, status and background, supporting each other because no one is an island.” Earlier in his sermon, he outlined why he thought it was fitting for St. Lucy to kick off the events, and urged everyone in the congregation, which included Prime Minister Mia Mottley, MP for St Lucy Peter Phillips, and other Government officials, to enjoy the northernmost parish on the island during the month of January. Canon Goodridge declared: “We believe strongly it was not by design but divine inspiration that such celebrations had to begin in the parish of St Lucy. “Lucy is a lady that always gets things done – and done the right way. “And so it is only fitting that a lady, the only parish bearing the name of a lady should kick off the We Gatherin’ celebrations; as TC once said: ‘Put a woman in front,’ and this is what is happening today.” (BT)

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