#Who would pay me 10 dollars to pirate this and clown on it in a video essay

[meanya]

HELLO????

[murderdaddymayhem]

Going To Disneyland With The Slashers Headcanons

Requested by anon!

Charles Lee Ray/Chucky:

In human form, Charles fucking hates it. He barely even tolerates it for you. 

In doll form, Chucky loves it. Free food and souvenirs, and he doesn’t have to pay to get in (”Why would I pay $200 of our hard earned money to go sing with woodland animals?” was always his argument). He can sneak onto rides, he can hide and pose as an animatronic. He laughs every time he makes a child point and cry. 

Beetlejuice 

Knows literally everyone in the Haunted Mansion. “Ghostie Hostie! It’s me, ya boy!” Everybody thinks he works there. He pretends he does so he can lead them off to weird places of the park when all they wanted was a dole whip. Haha. That wasn’t funny Beej, that kid is crying now. 

Jack Torrance

He tolerates it, but if it makes his girl happy, he’ll pretend he’s having a good time. He just won’t go on It’s A Small World. Anything. But. That. After a while though, he can’t take all the screaming little brats, and hangs around the Tower of Terror. Come to think of it, he’s still there... wait-- is that a black and white picture of him with the guests in the lobby?!

Tiffany Valentine

Is a huge fan of exciting rides, and is obsessed with everything Minnie Mouse. Will take a billion photos with you in front of the castle, and squeal every time she sees a princess. Her favourite ride is Snow White’s Scary Adventure-- a perfect mix of princesses and spooks!

Michael Myers (2007 or 1978)

Doesn’t really understand the hype. He spends half an hour admiring the pumpkins on the Haunted Mansion lawn having an existential crisis. He will hold your hand and take all your pictures for you if you ask him. You have to watch him like a child, because he’ll keep wandering back to stare at the pumpkins. Oh shit, look out! Loomis is in the doom buggy behind you two shouting about evil in the park.

Otis Driftwood

Complains aaallll day, grumbles, mopes, etc, but secretly, it’s making him pretty happy. Kind of. He didn’t get shit like this in his childhood, so it’s sort of therapeutic. If any character tries to talk to him, he flips them off. This almost gets you thrown out eight times. He likes Splash Mountain, and cheers (too loudly) for Br’er Fox to “kill that hip hopping little fucker before I do!” And why does he keep yelling "RUN RABBIT RUN!" at Br'er Rabbit??? Shut up, Otis. Please shut up. 

Baby Firefly

Is having the time of her life, but has absolutely no regard for park rules. “What do you m e a n I can’t take my top off on pirates of the Caribbean, it was WET!” Buzz Lightyear’s Astro Blasters is her favourite ride, because you get to shoot stuff. Pew pew. 

Captain Spaulding

Kind of loves it?? Also he’s having a really great time terrorizing the children who keep coming up to him and asking him if he’s a real clown. “Heya kid! Go find your mama and tell her I said to go fuck herself! HAHA!” Disney tries to hire him as an entertainer, he tells them he wants a million dollars for it. Oh, he also really likes the Blue Bayou restaurant. Says their menu needs more fried chicken. Is thrown out. 

Doomhead

Doesn’t want to be there. Would literally rather be dead. He doesn’t have time for this shit, especially when he should be preparing for the next 31. W h y did you bring him?

Stu Macher

Pretends he thinks it’s stupid at first to look cool, but is actually a little kid again. He holds your hand and drags you to his favourite ride, California Screaming, which he makes you ride 10 times in a row. All around, you’re incredibly dizzy by nighttime, but Stu’s excitement is worth it. It reminds him of happy times when he was a kid, before his parents divorced. 

Billy Loomis

The perfect date. You two take pictures together, get Mickey and Minnie shirts, hold hands on all the rides. Billy likes going to some of the live shows too. Will do something cute, like ask the Dapper Dans to sing a romantic song for you two while you share a Matterhorn Sundae at the Carnation Cafe. 

Killer Klowns From Outer Space

It’s a theme park, so they’re happy to be happy with you there! :))) They like the  Ferris Wheel the best, and practically empty out Gibson Girl’s ice cream supply. Oops. The cast member just went screaming cause Shorty jumped over the counter to grab some more. Oh no-- Slim just threw a waffle at Rudy. Security’s coming. Well, it was fun while it lasted. 

Art the Clown

Loves It’s A Small World. You know why. He wants to chop off all the heads and hang them from strings, then fill the water with blood. You know what goes on inside that head. You know.

Pennywise (1990)

Gets annoyed with the children very quickly, and tries to munch quite a few. You have to watch him very closely, or there’s a fat chance the SWAT team will be called. You’ve explained that you’re at a very famous theme park, and can’t eat any children. Papawise clearly doesn’t give a fuck. 

Pennywise (2017)

Realizes this is a big theme park and is basically a buffet, but understands after you explain that he can’t eat anyone in a place this public. He then moves on to taste testing literally everything in the park, because he’s hungry dammit, and the rides make his molecules float so he doesn’t like them. His favourite restaurant is Ariel’s Grotto. 

Freddy Krueger

Thinks this is very dumb, but likes Sleeping Beauty’s castle. Heh. Heh heh. 

Jason Voorhees

Much like Michael, Jason doesn’t really understand the hype around the park, and doesn’t know the characters, so he just gets his pleasure from watching you and the magic in your eyes. He thinks it’s adorable and will never get tired of it. Will hold your hand. Make sure his mask is on tight, cause he almost lost it on Space Mountain and had a fucking field day. 

Bubba Sawyer 

You made him watch a whole bunch of Disney movies before going, so he knows everything about everyone. He gets very excited about his favourite characters he sees walking around (he’s partial to Alice in Wonderland) but is too shy to meet them unless you walk up with him. He’ll also give you piggy back rides when your feet get tired! Don’t take him to the Tiki Room, loud noises upset him. 

Chop Top

Is having the time of his LIFE. You will have to DRAG him from the park at the end of the day. He runs up to characters and asks them a bazillion questions that are sooo fucking hard to answer, sorry you have to deal with this nastyboi asking what your hair growth routine is today Rapunzel, but god is he excited. He wants to hit every ride, but gets lost trying to get there. He also buys a very nice pair of mickey ears to hide his plate. Don’t ask him to ever take them off, he won’t.