#Who up loving a height difference in the nuanced and thoughtful way I do

[2demondogs]

Javier/Arthur Headcanons

A/N: For Kinktober: size difference, but these are all SFW. Also Javier is being... his weird little self. See what I did there? Content Warning: Malnutrition mentions.

Arthur is a full head taller than Javier and built thicker in general, so there's a noticeable size difference between them. Javier is on the brighter side of it now, but he was light as a damp rag when Dutch took him in.

For his part, Arthur doesn't think on it much. He's always thought of himself of clumsy and pins Javier as graceful, when really there's not much of a disparity as there is a difference in skill sets. Most of the time, it's an issue of Arthur being too stuck in his head -- especially once he's sweet on someone, it makes him self conscious to even exist around them. He'll have to bump it down to Four Finger Filet pretty soon.

Javier, however, has a few feelings about it. There is nothing heterosexual going through his brain, in fact, because Arthur is the kind of masculinity that drives artists to sculpt. The first time he expressed that thought, Arthur tried to act nonchalant and then stuttered through every sentence until he successfully got Javier talking about something else and went quiet.

Arthur's hands are double Javier's in both size and thickness, years of muscle versus the aftermath of severe malnutrition in his own; both just as scarred and sun-beaten, their knuckles forming arthritis and the veins fat with lack of water, hair dusting the fingers. Arthur tends to prefer encasing Javier's hands in his rather than holding hands and Javier does not mind it.

There's a certain safety in it. Being scrawny does few favors in their life, and before Dutch's gang, Javier wasn't too acquainted with the idea of brotherhoods. At first, there were many taunts about how easily he could kill Arthur, reassurances mainly for himself that stopped when he no longer felt like a threat. Some resurfaced when they begin fooling around, but those root fears were eased with-- well, as heartfelt of a conversation as two emotionally constipated fools can have. Nowadays, he can see the advantage in being something a man like Arthur wants to protect.

And Arthur wants to protect everything he loves. Most of his feelings on the size difference are just that. He knows Javier is perfectly capable of surviving same as he did before Arthur, but he's screwed up one too many times. Being able to offer something more, in any capacity, is soothing to him.

When the day is done, and for little reason beyond Arthur making a good mattress, he likes that Javier curls up beside or on top of him. It's the same reason he enjoys covering his hands in his, or holding Javier's face which fits so perfectly into his palms: he feels strong in a way that is nonviolent, feels like he is doing what good men do and using his power for loving.

[nanabrainrot]

A Private Affair [Husband!Miguel]

Hobie and Pavitr are convinced you and Miguel have a loveless marriage. Gwen insists they just don’t watch you two hard enough.

Husband!Miguel x Wife!Reader (just fluffy and playful miguel being flirty w u <333)

“What do they even talk about?” Pavitr quipped once as the rest of the team left the room with him.

While opposites attracted, you and Miguel carried a similar energy: serious and stern. Miguel was grumpier and prone to losing his cool compared to you, who was known for your aloof attitude right after being known for being Mrs. O’Hara.

“No clue,” Hobie grunted as he crossed a threshold past a number of anomalies, “might be a loveless marriage. Never seen ‘em hug or kiss like couples do.”

Gwen rolled her eyes and scoffed, “Of course you boys don’t see the subtlety of it.” The boys paused before huffing at the suggestion that their gender of all things obscured them to any nuance between you two: you never really touched, never dwelled on conversations beyond missions in front of them, and were never affectionate. It was just like seeing two coworkers and no more than that.

“What subtlety?” they inquired in unison, matching Gwen’s storter strides as they went toward the cafeteria.

“Just watch them more. Harder next time.”

-

“Earth-349’s anomaly is clear. Canon event still occurred at proper time and Earth-56’s anomaly is just awaiting transport. Went smoothly,” you reported, hands across your chest as you looked up at Miguel. His eyes weren’t on you though, just the screen. You weren’t missing the way he kept glancing though.

“Something on my face?”

“Nothing,” Miguel coughed, that shy way he did when he wanted to be close to you but couldn’t be. Smiles are saved for private, the facade of professionalism thinly veiling the tension between you two: you both just really wanted to go back home and get some rest, be close again.

It’s so hard to not just sink into his arms and coo at him like a cute puppy and coddle him with kisses as his wife but it generally was agreed upon to just be as controlled around each other as possible. It was destined to go downhill if you both got too touchy feely; he’d look like a lovesick fool instead of a leader and the same applied to you. Work is work and home is home.

“You keep looking at me though.”

“I can’t look at you?”

“You can if I have something on my face,” you retort with the smallest smile in the word - the corners of your lips tense as they slightly rose. He was funny in his shy nature like you weren’t married for years. His love was so cat-like, having to let him be skittish before he leaned into you.

“Then you do have something on your face,” he replies typing absentmindedly.

“I do?” you ask, genuinely worried you’d been clambering around with food on your face as a leader in the medical center.

“Yeah,” he said, “you’ve got pretty all over it.”

A slightly bigger smile. A professional one. “You got empanada on yours.”

He stands straight. “Really?”

“No,” you chuckle, “but you thought you did for a second huh?”

-

The way you stand by each other leaves room for Jesus, Hobie thinks. Miguel has to crane his neck down to look at you and you need to crane your neck up. The banter on the height difference is barely out of earshot when he hears you two as he stands outside of Miguel’s office: your voices all friendly and calm.

“Can’t you sit when I talk to you? You’re hurting my neck, Miguel,” you start, foot nudging the rolling chair to him.

“You’re hurting my eyes,” Miguel shot back quickly as he grabbed the back of the chair rolling at him.

“Calling me ugly now?” you snort with an eye roll, arms crossing in that closed off pose even with just your husband.

He narrows his eyes, that cheeky smile, “No. Just hurts to look at the sun, y’know?”

Hobie thinks he’ll throw up.

-

Gwen and Pavitr had seen you in the medical bay, Miguel sitting in a chair by your desk with some stitches in his forehead. Gwen and Pavitr only really needed a dash of hydrogen peroxide but you recommended they stay seated and drink water before they headed out. It’s just adjacent to your desk, separated by the thin hospital curtain - thin enough to hear you. Gwen’s fingers pressed to her lips as Pavitr went to speak (as he always did) and she gestured to the direction where your desk was.

You and Miguel were whispering… just loud enough for them to make out what you both were saying.

“You’re getting real old… coming in here with that gash,” you murmur, “swing faster. I never wanna see you bloody again.”

“Thought you said you wanted to grow old with me. Swinging slow so the arthritis doesn’t kill me,” he scoffed shortly.

“Hysterical,” you snip back in a low voice before pausing and saying, “but I just hate to see you hurt. Even if I get to see you in my unit.”

The murmurs stop as some shuffling is heard, the sound of little peppering kisses to his hair barely audible. “I just need a magic kiss and I feel better though. Get right out of your hair…” he chuckles lowly.

They can’t see you smiling.

“I won’t give you one then,” you start, “just cause I want to take care of my husband a little longer.” The little giggles and cooing from across the barrier are just a private moment overheard but it does enough.

Hobie and Pavitr just fake gag behind your backs now when they see your hands or shoulders brush against each other. It’s the little things of a marriage that are the most important, at work or at home.

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Writer asks -

@bittercape tagged me in this weeks ago and I’m finally doing the thing!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

215 works...

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

976,222

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Marvel and DC lately, but I’ve also written a significant amount of Supernatural and Criminal Minds.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Brains Over Beauty (SPN/CM) 

Spitting Venom (SPN/CM) 

The One With The Pottery Barn Couch (DC/Marvel) 

Quitting (SPN/CM) 

Origin Stories (SPN/CM)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! Almost always.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I usually just do angsty endings that are on par with the angst level of the rest of the fic, I guess — I try to end with some amount of resolution or at least hope, and so I rarely think of my endings as angsty. But probably Come Haunt Me.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Sweet Home Was Home. The whole story was about sorta… figuring out what happened after the camera stopped rolling. And figuring out what “happily ever after” would look like for them. So it was the fic that I felt was most important for it to have a happy ending and to have a full resolution to all the emotional threads. I really love the ending — I love the way it mirrors the beginning scene, and I love how well it sums up the ways in which the characters have grown, and I think it gives them exactly the full, meaningful lives that they deserve. It’s not just a love story and the ending reflects that.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not particularly.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

Yes. So many kinds. But usually the “rough sex as catharsis” and “kink as therapy” kind.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

Ha. Yes. They’re my favorite thing to write!

Weirdest ones were probably This Tall To Ride (Sam Winchester/Frank Iero, because that height difference is fucking hilarious), Daisies (Sam Winchester/Harry Styles on acid at Bonnaroo), and Four Super-Soldiers and Tony Stark Walk Into A Bar… (in which Slade Wilson and Soldier Boy are in the cryo tanks in Siberia).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of, but I’ve never looked.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I’m aware of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Marshmallows, with @noxnthea

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Winterhawk. There is something so fundamentally good and healthy about the way these two fit together, no matter which aspect of their dynamic you bring out, and there are so many - they work as grumpy/sunshine, as murder husbands, as snarky disasters... more importantly, they’re two characters who would be able to both accept each other unconditionally and help each other grow, and that is my favorite thing to read.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don’t have any right now! My only current WIP is Map of My Heart. The others have been shelved but I either don’t have interest in finishing them or I absolutely think I will finish them, no doubts involved.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Putting the reader in the character’s emotional state, showing character growth/development, and writing relationships that are ultimately healthy.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes and building suspense. Which is why I'm doing this instead of working on my fic! Oops.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I feel meh about it? I am not a fluent speaker in any other language, so I’d have to use some sort of translator, which tends to miss nuance and feel stiff, which is never what I want in dialogue. Instead I tend to use italics to convey that they’re speaking another language but write the lines themselves in English.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Lords of Dogtown. On fucking Quizilla. I am a Fandom Old.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

A Muscle the Size of Your Fist. If anybody wanted to get to know me really well, get to know what I believe and what I value and how I see the world, I’d point them to that. But it’s also just well written; I’m proud of the unique character voices and the way their narrative arcs all fit together. They all make each other better over the course of the story.

Tagging (with apologies if you've already done this) @kangofu-cb @stunudo @i-know-how-my-story-ends @carcrash429 @betrayedbycinnamon

[duckiemimi]

thoughts on this post:

https://www.tumblr.com/alluratron/729365875383222272/thoughts-on-gojo-satoru

it def gave me a different perspective of ch 236 and also Gojo… i guess i never really understood him (i mean granted i only check in on the manga to see who’s survived so far 😭)

definitely interesting and a new perspective for me, too!

that was a lovely read! i can’t read japanese, so it’s great to see the nuances in gojo’s words from the original language itself. with this post in mind, i will say that while i can understand how gege wrote him, i don’t understand why.

it’s true that gojo is different from everyone else! the way he processes information and emotions is a very obvious indicator that he is. but instead of a match in strength, i assumed the biggest lesson he had to learn as a character framed as “alone” by everyone else in the series was connection and interdependence. as in, instead of finding or making people on par with him, i assumed that the work he needed to do as a character was to realize that he could be understood despite the gap in power between him and everyone else. i mean, he’s found that place of understanding before with geto. and that was even after he became the strongest alone. but maybe he was written without the intention of growth. then why write him the way he is?

perhaps the fault really lies in the english translations because by saying “allies” in english, i assumed he meant “support,” as in supporting him as fellow jujutsu sorcerers. it implies that there is a burden to bear and that he wishes to have more people to shoulder it with him, on the same height (similar levels; “catch up with me”). i wouldn’t exactly use the word “allies” to describe a group of people fostered to be on par with gojo for fun’s sake only.

but he is a nuanced character, so perhaps he does care about his responsibilities as a jujutsu sorcerer, and he simultaneously wants other jujutsu sorcerers to have as much fun as he does. but then why doesn’t he just unilaterally establish a new system, since he hates the higher ups and how they run it? geto posed a good question; it’s possible for gojo. is the system a weakness? is his name and lineage a weakness? i don’t understand why we were given so many empathic scenes of him shit-talking the higher-ups when he could just flip the world upside down. if he were leading jujutsu (instead of being somewhat of a figurehead like before), then he could foster people who could have as much fun as he does with jujutsu, right? he could make jujutsu fun for everyone, or at least he could appoint people to make it fun, right? then why hold back?

i think the problem with the writing is that while gojo is a very self-centered character, undeniably arrogant with the power to back it up, he doesn’t exist in a vacuum. gege wrote in politics and a whole world beyond just gojo and his powers, gege wrote in characters who render gojo unmoving. so it’s strange to see gege pick and choose whether or not the canon world affects gojo that day. it’s not consistent. but i mean, gege hates the guy, i guess. so it tracks, as tracking goes.

if so many people see his character a certain way, regardless of language, maybe the problem lies in the readability of his character. assume your readers are smart, yes, but don’t leave things so vague and messy for them to figure it all out by themselves. there’s an obvious incongruity in knowledge between the author and the readers that should be leveled. is he supposed to develop and reach a resolution, like many people assumed he would, or is he supposed to die with his “original sin”? the transition between the gojo we saw in volume 0, in hidden inventory, and even right before his sealing to the gojo we see in 236 is not effective enough to answer that.

[nonuggetshere]

15 and 16 for my baby girl PK?

Full disclaimer, I pulled an allnigter so this might not be comprehensible

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

HMMM. Okay, so I really love PK x WL/WyrmRoot, I adore big height differences and guys just obsessed with their wives. And they're both morally grey, nuanced characters, doomed to fail from the start, so they're both already pretty high up on my character likability tier list and when you put them together it's even better. They support each other's wrongs. They haunt the narrative together. What's not to love?

I also like PK x Grimm/PaleNightmare and PK x TL for other reasons.

Visually, I like the aesthetic of Grimm and Pale King together, and the dynamic some people give them - of Grimm being one of the few people who can irritate and stand up to Pale King and get away with it - I adore a lot. This dance of power and how far one can push the other is something I enjoy in ships. Also, two old fucks finding comfort in each other's company.

Pale King x Traitor Lord is just very amusing to me. It would make the Traitor Lord a gigantic, stinking hypocrite and that's funny to me. Also, I enjoy mortals winning over gods and being the "dominant" one in the relationship, so to speak. That's it, that's the only two reasons. Mostly, it's funny. I love old man yaoi.

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

I'm gonna say Lurien x PK/PaleWatcher. I flip flop between disliking them and liking them, and I think it has to do a lot with how they're written. I KNOW it's played up for a joke so I don't really mind it as much, but boiling down Lurien's character to "the guy obsessed with the Pale King" rubs me the wrong way (I keep saying how I don't like characterisations that serve no other purpose than to prop up or demonise another character, and this falls under that category methinks). But it's 99% a joke so it's fine. I'm personally not a fan of how some people write either of them (most of the time Lurien) to be hopelessly pinning after the other, just not my cup of tea specifically for these two. I want them to be two weirdos who just Get each other, are one of the very few people who truly understand each other, but there's still this dance around the...let's say proper mannerisms, statuses and societal expectations. I feel like you get me like no other but you are my king/my subject and I cannot get closer to you than at arms reach, even if I crave it, I need it. I also want them to get completely weird about it in a worshipping your deity kind of way (yes I know it sounds kind of similar to Lurien being obsessed with PK I mentioned before. It is not, not in my soul or heart. Just trust me on this one okay, don't question it).

So overall I don't necessarily dislike it so to speak, it's just my least favourite ship because it can be very hit or miss (I guess they never miss) kind of relationship for me

(For the briefest of moments, when I realised that I'm talking about a ship that I don't even dislike, I thought about switching this answer to Radiance x PK because that's the worst ship I could think of without it being downright gross/triggering. And then I promptly realised it'd be fucking hilarious and now I want to see them make each other worse. I want to observe this toxic inevitable disaster like a fly on a wall)

[honestreviewsblog]

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries

Everyone who knows me knows how obsessed I am over P&P so when I read a Tumblr thread on Pinterest that said that this is one of the best things in the world... okay I didn't watch it instantly cos I'm prejudiced (badumtss) BUT a few years later, I found another thread that says it's amazing and people should go watch it and I'm bored so I thought, "alright?? maybe i WILL watch it????". And I did and it was the BEST FREAKING THING IN THE WORLD OMG.

I've watched the BBC and 2005 version and while I loooveee both versions equally in my heart of hearts, I think this version perfectly encapsulates my idea of Jane when I read the book. Jane was described in the book by Mrs Hurst and Caroline as "a sweet girl". In fact Jane was the only one in the Bennet family who received a compliment from both their judgy ass which further proves just how sweet Jane really was. And the actress totally nailed it, she was so soft-spoken and calm and good natured, when you see her all you can really think about was, "Oh my God she's so sweet".

Charles Bingley/Bing Lee's charac is much more nuanced in here and when you look at what he did to Jane in a modern eye, you might dislike him just a bit honestly. But I guess in this version, their feelings were mutual and they both knew that. In the regency era versions, he didn't know Jane's feelings because she's shy and didn't show it much and along with her family being soooo embarrassing, he was persuaded to end the "engagement" by the people whose opinions he hold in the highest favor. He fully redeemed himself tho the moment he knew and in all the versions, you just couldn't help but like him in the end cos he's an overall good guy and good person just surrounded by judgmental people lol.

Wickham's a first class a-hole, I hated him before but now I LOATHE him, he's a HORRIBLE person hope he dies a most painful death. Meanwhile Lydia, I looove her in this version. I can't believe I'd say this really, it sounds so crazy but yes I do love Lydia. I think she was a victim of her choices but she shouldn't be held majorly accountable for that. She's a kid, she didn't know better but when she did, she gained a lot of wisdom from it.

Lizzie couldn't be more relatable—she was relatable before but now with all the technology, it feels like she's speaking for my soul. Meanwhile Darcy is soooo dreamy, and much much more hilarious. Everytime he shows up I just wanna rewatch it all over again. He's also more intimidating tho in a sense probably bcs of his limited screen time and how the vlogs are structured to only see what Lizzie wants you to see and only what is sometimes taken from a camera "candidly". No other point of views and no other camera points that might suggest otherwise. The whole vlog was totally Lizzie, it's like travelling inside her mind and only knowing people through her. It was definitely a whole other experience to which I absolutely loveeee as I do like to experience P&P in different ways.

Kinda sad that I didn't get to watch it at the height of its popularity tho cos I can only imagine the hype?? the chaos?? the excitement for the next episode next week?? the intensity of waiting for Mr. Darcy to finally appear on screen?? It must've been sooo crazyyyyy

Overall it was 10/10 I can't believe I finished it in 2 DAYS WTHHHH I WAS SO OBSESSED

[no-where-new-hero]

chaos: 6, 13, 25!

This was unexpectedly trickier than I thought because I don't think I hang out enough in fandom, but thank you for the asks!

6. Which ship fans are most annoying

I truly don’t have a good answer to this, so I'll commit violence against myself and say the Dean/Emily shippers. Because honestly, I dislike a lot of the fanfic I see written about their “what ifs”—the way so much of it is OOC, or falls short of the tough work LMM was doing in showing their relationship and its toll on Emily, or seems to exist for mere titillation. They were my emotional support ship during my angsty teen years and so—recalling that long expose of my relationship with the books—they are extremely personal to me. They’re mine. Only I Understand them and the particular nuances of both how they could work and why ultimately they didn’t. (This whole response just proved my point lmao).

13. Worst blorbofication

I know I could probably come up with a better answer for this if I wracked my brains further, but honestly the first thing that comes to mind is Mr. Darcy. I feel like this is mostly due to the 2005 movie, where Matthew MacFadyn does go around looking perpetually like a kicked puppy left out in the rain, but (I think I saw this pointed out elsewhere on Tumblr) we sincerely AREN’T supposed to like him or feel sympathy for him throughout the first 3/4 of the book. We are supposed to agree with Lizzie’s estimation of him and come to the revelations about his true and upright character when she does. We shouldn’t ever have the chance to feel sorry for him to the extent that we do in that movie, imo.

25. Worst fandom complaint you’re sick of hearing

Not entirely sure this comes from within the fandom (is there a Bronte fandom? Idk, it’s still a complaint), but it’s “Wuthering Heights isn’t a love story, it’s unhealthy!” A, those two statements are not incompatible. Show me a love story that doesn’t have its moments of unhealthiness, of problematic elements. The definition of an “unhealthy” relationship differs from culture to culture. B, Emily Brontë wasn’t writing a love story, but not in the way critics mean it, either. I always remember a line from the Introduction of the first copy I bought, where the writer—expecting a “bodice ripper”—was surprised at the “asexuality” implicit between Cathy and Heathcliff, despite the very intense physicality that happens in their relationship. So, no, it’s not a love story in a romantic sense, but I’d argue it’s in a Romantic sense—the tension between individuality and understanding, the loneliness, the violence, etc. It has nothing to do with what we think about ordinary romance or sexuality, and I don't know who's exactly responsible for the misrepresentation lol.

[earth4angels]

No some of you don’t get it

Josh IS Peeta. Like that’s just his personality. Suzanne Collins even said so. She’s repeatedly said that she would’ve hired him if he had purple skin or hair. I have been in love with exactly two men since I was 10. One is Josh Hutcherson and the other is Logan Lerman (I’ve always had correct opinions, don’t @ me). For reference- I turn 22 in like 2-3 weeks. I LOVE THAT MAN

Now was Jennifer miscast- yup! Now I do love their height difference so much. it’s one of the things that made me less insecure about my height and helped me out of the belief that in a relationship, a man should be taller than you. I also liked that she looked like me. But in terms of accuracy…… yeah no. Katniss is a malnourished (I get why they couldn’t cast someone actually malnourished and stunted but they could’ve tried a little harder), physically stunted from hunger, little gremlin and I love her so dearly. That is MY babygirl. She has an olive undertone (I’m not arguing with any of yall about tanness, Suzanne doesn’t mince words) which made me feel very seen as a neutral girl. Her hair is dark and thick and she constantly has rbf. Regardless, She’s not a “cruel” person and I feel like this is where Jennifer’s Katniss drives me up a wall. Katniss toes this line of bluntness and obliviousness that was completely misread in the movies. Despite not being canonically autistic, if you read the book from the perspective that she is, her thoughts and actions become a little more clear and nuanced. Jennifer jumped over this nuance and there are moments in catching fire where she is cruel. Not blunt, not oblivious, not snarky, not bitter, not traumatized. Cruel. By presenting her this way it shows a lack of understanding of why Katniss is the way she is. It ignores the fact that she’s beloved by her community, even if she doesn’t see it herself. This is ultimately, at least for me, what makes Jennifer completely misalign with Katniss. Katniss is not a girlboss, she’s a scared traumatized little girl who was forced to grow up too fast and to hide her thoughts and emotions. Shes not trying to make a statement- in fact she’s fighting it at every turn. Shes not constantly going to have the best opinions, she’s literally a teenager.

Anyways, in this essay I will (gunshots)

LOGAN YEAH I ACCEPT THAT! but this is all on point, ugh everything you said it’s good, collins made this series so powerful and i absolutely love it, she makes us fall in love with the characters, walks us through their pain, the horrors of war, CHILD ENDANGERMENT, abuse.. all for greed and power and we have these two symbols of hope.. and they don’t know that bc they’re fighting mentally and physically i can keep going i love the hunger games so much

[theygotlost]

ok ive been thinking about something and it might be controversial but hear me out. i make a lot of "yaoi gay sex penis laugh now" jokes about gk but can we please discuss the relationship between tsurumi and his subordinates with more nuance than "lol they are all so gay for him!!!! XD"? hold on this has gotten pretty long im putting it under the cut

i want to refer back to that anonymous essay i rbed the other day cause they got it exactly right.

tsurumi is manipulating and taking advantage of deeply traumatized young men by filling a role of support and affirmation that the rest of the government/society has failed to provide. he is deliberately making these vulnerable, unstable people grow attached to him so that they will easily do his bidding, his "dirty work". he explains as much himself. even tsukishima, who seems like the most "normal" member of the 7th division, has been manipulated into being so fiercely loyal that he was ready to injure or even kill a 9 months pregnant woman on tsurumi's orders.

even worse are the cases of koito and usami, who were CHILDREN when tsurumi first began manipulating them. usami was even his own STUDENT. they've both developed an almost psychosexual obsession with him that gets more insidious the more you think about it. while I wouldn't go so far as to call tsurumi a blatant sexual predator, he is certainly exploiting and enabling this type of relationship because it benefits him to have his officers be in love with him. usami especially just makes me really sad more than anything else.

that's why I feel like "shipping" any of these characters, tsukishima, usami, koito, ogata, or whoever else, with tsurumi is entirely missing the point. like these relationship dynamics should be explored, sure, and there's certainly a lot to say about each one. but if your takeaway from these interactions is "wouldn't it be awesome if they kissed?" then you haven't been paying attention.

just like I've said about gul dukat during the height of my ds9 posting, the fact that his behavior is so believable in its maliciousness is what makes him a compelling villain who is fun to hate. when I see people posting like "omgggg tsurumi is so sexy i love him heehee!!!!" it feels like they have fallen victim to the exact same manipulation as the rest of his officers. I'm not saying you're not allowed to find him attractive or whatever, I'm just saying that his tactics are so effective they are working on you the viewer, even though you're real and he's not. idk, something to think about.

"but austin, didn't you just say a few days ago that you're entertained by toxic messy unwholesome relationships, or in your words, 'evil gay sex'? seems like these relationships are pretty toxic, aren't you being a hypocrite?" you fool. evil gay sex is fun when both parties are on EQUAL FOOTING. when they are both equally fucked up and equally hostile toward each other. MUTUALLY ASSURED DESTRUCTION. by definition, it is the POWER IMBALANCE between tsurumi and his subordinates that makes the whole thing so disturbing. the toxicity doesn't go both ways here; tsurumi is completely in control. hopefully you see the difference. this isn't like, a callout post or anything, just a thought

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

I saw the impersonate you invitation and I'm not very good at impersonations, but I will tell you what I think you are like based on your blog!

First of all you love Lucy from Fairytale, and have a lot of fun playfully obsessing over her.

I say playful, because you have a suprisingly nuanced understanding of the characters that you like. You dont just take the text (or whatever medium you are engaging with) at face value, you think through what is happening and what it means. You have excelent literary analysis skills.

I think you are probably pretty blunt and opinionated, but you are not mean or unkind. You care deeply for the people around you and put a lot of effort into understanding them.

You may lean towards pessimism sometimes, but you have a sarcastic sense of humor which can make it seem like you are more pessimistic than you really are.

You are very enthusiastic about the beautiful parts of the world, and delight in happy suprises.

I have no idea why, but you feel like somebody who thinks marine biology is cool af.

How did I do? Did I get anything right?

oh my god I love this alskfjsjf

first of all: sorry this took me a hot second to answer 😅

second: hey how does it feel to cut out a piece of my soul only to serve it to me on a silver platter?

gonna go more in depth with each one under the cut (bc I love talking about myself lol) but if you don't have the nerves for that ATM let it be known that you've got me clocked my guy. if I have to describe myself in a job interview I'm gonna ring up beloved tumblr anon to do it for me 🫡 💕

most inaccurate is probably that I'm actually not sure whether I'd call myself an optimist or pessimist (though I do know that I make an effort to be outwardly more optimistic than I actually feel) and while I do absolutely adore the ocean I'm not sure I'd say that I'm particularly interested in marine biology specifically. it's one of those things I keep telling myself I want to do more research on but I never actually do it, so like, theoretically yes but not in practice? does this make sense?

1. id say lucy heartfilia lives rent-free in my head but it would probably be more accurate to say that I feed her scraps of brain matter and heart tissue and devotion in hopes she deems my soul a worthy resting place (<- look how normal I am about her!)

FT was not only my longest obsession ever to date but also my first after moving countries, so being unwell about Lucy again feels weirdly nostalgic in a way?

2. oh yeah I do adore analysing texts and characters and devices and stuff. which is also why I adore wuthering heights lol (cycles and parallels and tragedies my beloved). I don't really know how to read WITHOUT doing this tbh? like of course there is a difference when I am actively engaging with it but sometimes I'll say something that seems pretty obvious to me and then people will be like "this is a great analysis!" lol

(also not to brag but I've been told more than once that I often approach narratives and symbolism from an angle that others haven't considered before 😏)

I actually started studying literature, but for various reasons (which include not being able to deal with a bunch of people clacking on their laptops at the same time the sound was literally driving me insane does anyone have any tips on how to deal with that) I stopped going after like a month

tho id say my favorite thing to analyze is actualy theater plays? especially because of the added element of speech (it feels unfair to judge an audiobook by this metric since books were primarily written to be read but theater is literally made to be spoken aloud and thus it is the authors duty to also think about the cadences of the words and what the different sounds feel like instead of just focusing on how it looks like on paper imo) and visuals

whenever I go with a friend (I need to go with someone so I can talk about it) I'll first ask them what they thought so I can gather my thoughts and kinda compare and then I won't shut up until we have to go out separate ways lol

3. which is a great way to get into the third point: I do have opinions about everything! (unless I don't have a lot of information on the topic in question). I always keep myself open for counter arguments (my biggest fear is becoming one of those obnoxious stubborn ignorant people who are proud of being stuck in their ways and categorically refuse to even consider other viewpoints and opinions) but unless this is about something factual where you have more experience/facts than me it's actually pretty hard to convince me.

because while I love sharing my opinions to everyone that'll listen, im Not a fan of confrontations? I tire of them pretty quickly so depending on whether you pass my vibe check I will either be honest (hey yo agree to disagree can we change topics) or pretend to agree just so we can move on without anyone getting prissy lmao

4. and yes I do try to always be kind to people! dni if you don't make an effort to wish the bus driver a good day tbh. I have this need to be acknowledged and remembered by strangers and also feel really bad whenever im mean to people so my compromise is to try to always be friendly while wearing bright hair and clothes lol

I think I also have a pretty approachable aura? I'm often asked for directions and stuff (which is always a shame for the people asking because i am lostTM)

5. okay so. this is actually a fun exercise to do. because characters in books need to be fairly simple at their core (so the author can write them consistently) while creating the illusion of being complex and layered - and you can kind of do the same thing to real people!

in my mind that makes me a bad shittalker because I'll be actively doing this while you are trying to tell me about something shitty someone else did to you. I'll try to look at it from various angles (at least within the realm of the possible when going solely by a very biased POV) which often comes across as defending them? but I think this is a rather unpopular opinion since I can't count the times I've heard "I know you don't like to shittalk people, but-" as a conversation starter lol

6. I am! a sarcastic shit! I can clearly tell the difference between my sarcasm and my serious voice, but people say that it sounds the same to them (which just makes it more fun tbh lol) tho I think that's only fair considering I often have a hard time telling when other ppl are being serious vs not

7. idk where I am on the optimism pessimism scale tbh. when I was small I figured out this neat magic trick where if u pretend to have really low expectations things seem even cooler than they actually are. it makes sense (expectations and everyone is master of their own reality and contrast etc etc) but back then I genuinely thought I had unravelled the fabric of the universe lol

so like. I'll always be kinda expecting the worst while at the same time not quite believing it? so I'm not disappointed when the "worst" does indeed happen but am also not actively psyching myself out? idk the only gymnastics I'm good at are the mental ones

long story short anon I hope I don't come off too strong but I think I am in love with you <3

[denimbex1986]

'The animosity between Strauss and Oppenheimer had probably several different dimensions.

In 1945 physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer was a national hero, hailed as the “father of the atomic bomb” and the man who ended World War II.

Less than a decade later, he was a pariah, after the United States Atomic Energy Commission revoked his security clearance following allegations about his left-leaning politics at the height of the anti-communist McCarthy era.

Christopher Nolan’s biopic, “Oppenheimer,” which opens in theaters on July 21, will star Irish actor Cillian Murphy as the famous scientist. But it will also feature Robert Downey Jr. as a lesser known real-life character, Lewis Strauss (pronounced “Straws”), the chairman of the AEC and one of Oppenheimer’s chief inquisitors.

The clash over the nuclear bomb The clash between the scientist and the bureaucrat was a matter of personalities, politics and the hydrogen bomb (Strauss supported it, Oppenheimer was opposed). But according to amateur historian Jack Shlachter, the two represented opposites in another important way: as Jews. Shlachter has researched how Oppenheimer’s assimilated Jewish background and Strauss’ strong attachment to Jewish affairs set them up for conflict as men who represented two very different reactions to the pressures of acculturation and prejudice in the mid 20th century.

Shlachter is in a unique position to explore the Jewish backstory of Oppenheimer: A physicist, he worked for more than 30 years at Los Alamos National Laboratory, the New Mexico complex where Oppenheimer led the Manhattan Project that developed the bomb. Shlachter is also a rabbi, ordained in 1995, who leads HaMakom, a congregation in Santa Fe, New Mexico, as well as the Los Alamos Jewish Center.

“A hero of American science, [Oppenheimer] lived out his life a broken man and died in 1967 at the age of 62,” The New York Times wrote last December, after the secretary of energy nullified the 1954 decision to revoke Oppenheimer’s security clearance. Lewis Strauss died in 1974 at age 77; his funeral was held at New York’s Congregation Emanu-El, where he had been president from 1938 to 1948.

When I asked Shlachter what drew him to the story of Oppenheimer and Strauss, he told me, “At this later stage of my life, I realized that things are not black and white. The common narrative that I think I have heard in town puts Oppenheimer at 100 and Strauss at zero. I just tried to balance that a little bit, and I thought that their Jewishness was one way to see that there’s some nuance in the relationship.”

Our conversation was edited for length and clarity.

There has been a lot of talk about Oppenheimer in anticipation of the Christopher Nolan film, but I haven’t seen much on his Jewish background. I guess as a rabbi and a physicist at Los Alamos this was a subject you couldn’t resist.

I am speaking as a private citizen, not on behalf of Los Alamos National Laboratory or anything like that. Oppenheimer was the first director of what is now Los Alamos National Laboratory. He was the scientific leader of the Manhattan Project. And it was really his doing that the laboratory ended up in northern New Mexico. He has been out here as a late teen and really fell in love with the desert Southwest.

His Jewishness is a bit complicated. His father was an immigrant from Germany in the late 1800s. And his mother was a first-generation American but her parents had emigrated to the United States. And in their approach to religion, they became enamored with the Ethical Culture Society of Felix Adler.

That’s the non-sectarian movement that had roots in Reform Judaism and is based on the idea that morality does not need to be grounded in religious or philosophical dogma.

Correct. Samuel Adler, Felix’s father, was brought over from Germany to serve as the rabbi of New York’s Temple Emanu-El, then and now a major Reform synagogue. They sent Felix back to Germany to study and he got his PhD in Heidelberg, and the plan had been for Felix Adler to succeed his father at some point. He came back in his 20s and gave what was his first and last sermon at Temple Emanu-El. He had adopted and absorbed some ideas while he was in Germany that were completely anathema to the Reform community, and he spun off the Ethical Culture Society.

Julius Oppenheimer, Robert’s father, was a trustee of the Ethical Culture Society, and Felix Adler conducted the wedding ceremony of Julius to Ella Oppenheimer, Robert’s mother. J. Robert Oppenheimer was educated at the Ethical Culture school. It was supposed to be non-religious and yet it was clearly dominated by Jews. It was one of these things about being American through and through, and somehow not having Judaism stand in the way. I think that really shaped Oppenheimer’s approach to Judaism.

Was there an ethos that he might have absorbed from the Ethical Cultural school that would have been important either in his left-wing politics or in his approach to the Manhattan Project?

My suspicion is yes, because Felix Adler in his training in Germany had become quite interested in Karl Marx and in the plight of the working class, and it seems impossible to me that that didn’t get somehow transmitted at the Ethical Culture school. It does not surprise me that Oppenheimer’s politics were left leaning.

As an adult, did Oppenheimer ever talk about his Judaism publicly or explain what his connection was to either the people or the faith?

Almost not at all, although there are some quite interesting quotes from other people. The Nobel laureate physicist Isidor Isaac Rabi and Oppenheimer were quite close, and Rabi testified on Oppenheimer’s behalf at the security hearing in 1954. According to Ray Monk’s massive biography of Oppenheimer, Rabb says that “what prevented Oppenheimer from being fully integrated was his denial of a centrally important part of himself: his Jewishness.” And Felix Bloch, who was another Jewish physicist who went on to win the Nobel Prize, said that Oppenheimer tried to act as if he were not a Jew, and succeeded because he was a good actor. You know, when you can’t integrate yourself and you’re trying to distance yourself from your roots, you can become conflicted. That’s Rabi’s assessment of Oppenheimer’s connection to Judaism.

But you also found a few instances of Oppenheimer positively engaging with Jews and Judaism.

In 1934, when Oppenheimer was a professor at Berkeley, he earmarked 3% of his salary for two years to help Jewish scientists emigrate from Germany. I think the fact that they were scientists was the important thing, and of course they were Jewish, because they’re the ones who were trying to get out in 1934. I don’t know that he was doing this because they were Jews or because they were scientists. Supposedly, Oppenheimer sponsored his aunt and cousin to emigrate from Germany, and then he continued to assist them after they came to the United States.

And then in 1954, at the security clearance hearing, Oppenheimer said that starting in late 1936, he developed “a continuing, smoldering fury about the treatment of Jews in Germany.” I don’t know if you had gone back to 1936 that you would have found any evidence of him saying that at the time. I doubt it. But one thing to remember is that in Oppenheimer’s lifetime, antisemitism was not non-existent. Antisemitism shaped how people dealt with their Judaism and this was the way he dealt with it.

So fast forward, Oppenheimer grew up well-to-do in New York and was educated at Harvard and then in Europe, where he studied physics at the University of Cambridge and the University of Göttingen. He joins the staff at the Lawrence Radiation Laboratory at Berkeley, and he begins socializing with leftist professors — both communists and so-called fellow travelers, deeply involved in workers’ rights and supporting the anti-fascists in the Spanish Civil War — in ways that are going to come back to haunt him in the 1950s. In the “American Prometheus” biography, which Nolan’s film is based on, we learn that Oppenheimer’s political activities came to the attention of the FBI at this point, years before his work on the atom bomb project.

That’s correct. He clearly had sympathy for those causes. And I would say understandably. There was a depression going on in this country, and the workers’ condition was not perfect.

There are now historians who are claiming Oppenheimer really was a card-carrying communist despite his denials. He certainly was a fellow traveler, his brother Frank was clearly a card-carrying communist as was Robert’s future wife Kitty.

In 1942 Lieutenant Colonel Leslie Grove was appointed director of what became known as the Manhattan Project, and selected Oppenheimer to head the project’s secret weapons laboratory.

Groves and Oppenheimer seem to have a chemistry which was critical for the success of the project. Why Groves figured that Oppenheimer was the guy to lead it is a little bit of a mystery. Oppenheimer had not led anything even remotely like this. He was a theoretical physicist, and you’re talking about huge experimental facilities for the project. And he wasn’t yet 40. But Oppenheimer rose to the occasion.

You mentioned earlier what Oppenheimer later described as his “smoldering fury” over the Nazis treatment of the Jews. Did working on a bomb to defeat Nazi Germany assuage whatever pangs of conscience he might have had over developing a bomb of such massive destructive potential?

I do think so. And that was probably true for many of the scientists who worked on the project, many of whom were Jewish. There was also a suspicion that the Nazis were working on a bomb as well and then God forbid that they should get there first. I think that was really the driver.

I’vre read that Oppenheimer did not feel guilt over his contribution to developing nuclear weapons or the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki but he did feel a sense of responsibility for what had been unleashed.

Oppenheimer realized that a lot of people lost their lives as a result of this. But I will tell you, my father was a GI during World War II, he enlisted in 1943 and fought until ’45. He was in Europe when V.E. Day came, and then came back to the United States for leave before he was going to be shipped out to the Pacific. And my father was convinced to his dying day that the bomb saved his life [by ending the war with Japan]. And, you know, that was a widespread sentiment.

After the war, Oppenheimer ends up in Princeton directing the famous Institute for Advanced Study and that’s going to bring him into the crosshairs of Lewis Strauss. Tell us who he is and how these two Jewish figures contrasted.

Three of Strauss’ four grandparents emigrated from Germany/Austria, probably in the 1830s, 1840s. Somebody ended up in Virginia and Strauss grew up in the South. His connection to Judaism is quite different from Oppenheimer’s. Strauss was a valedictorian of his high school and in his autobiography says that he was absolutely fascinated by physics. But the family had no money so rather than go to college Strauss became a traveling shoe salesman. And even though merchants he sold to would be closed on Sunday, he insisted on [also] taking Saturday off because of his Judaism, and he took the financial hit. He ended up volunteering to work for Herbert Hoover, the future Republican president, who was organizing European relief efforts after World War I. Hoover becomes a lifelong friend, advocate and supporter. Strauss managed to push Hoover — no friend to the Jews — to lodge a formal complaint when some Jews were slaughtered by the Poles.

He had a pretty meteoric rise. He gets connected to the Kuhn, Loeb investment firm, marries the daughter of one of the partners and he makes money hand over fist. But he stayed connected with his Judaism through all this, eventually becoming the president of Temple Emanu-El for 10 years from 1938 to 1948. So just like there are political differences between Oppenheimer and Strauss, there are religious differences: Oppenheimer grows up in the Felix Adler breakaway and Strauss is mainstream Reform Judaism.

Strauss was a trustee of the Institute for Advanced Studies when it hired Oppenheimer. What else came between the two men? I’ve read that Strauss was a proponent of the hydrogen bomb, and Robert Oppenheimer was hesitant because he felt the astronomically greater power of the H-bomb was not necessary.

The H-bomb was physicist Edward Teller’s idea — he called it “the super” — and Oppenheimer appropriately sidelined Teller at Los Alamos, saying “this is a distraction from what we’re trying to accomplish.”

The animosity between Strauss and Oppenheimer had probably several different dimensions. But I think Strauss also had to navigate being Jewish in an American society that didn’t totally embrace Jews, and I think it was somewhat of a threat to him to have somebody like Oppenheimer whose approach to dealing with his Judaism was to hide it, basically. Here’s Strauss, you know, president of Temple Emanu-El, he’s clearly not hiding that he’s Jewish, and he’s trying to survive and thrive in a Washington establishment that’s not so embracing of Judaism. So that was another dimension. I’d even read that Strauss was offended by Oppenheimer’s alleged marital infidelity.

The animosity also includes the fact that Oppenheimer could be mean. Generally, people who worked at the laboratory loved him, but he could also be mean, and he made Strauss feel like a fool in a public hearing in 1949 — sort of like, “You’re an amateur physicist. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” and that really cut to the quick.

Whatever the reason, Strauss is not a good enemy to have when he becomes a trustee of the Atomic Energy Commission. It’s Strauss who in 1953 told Oppenheimer that his security clearance had been suspended, and led Oppenheimer to request the hearing that led to his security clearance being revoked.

Strauss was appointed one of the five members of the original Atomic Energy Commission. The chair at the time was David Lilienthal, also Jewish by the way, and there’s a photograph of the five members of the Commission that’s absolutely perfect because there are four people on one side on the left, and one person sort of off by himself on the right — and it’s Strauss who’s off by himself. And there were apparently a few dozen votes of the Commission in its early years, mostly having to do with security matters, where the vote was four to one and Strauss was the lone dissenting voice. He was focused on security and was probably very anti-communist.

I want to shift gears and talk about your background, and how a physicist becomes a rabbi.

I was a graduate student at the University of California, San Diego, and my thesis advisor sent me to Los Alamos for the summer of 1979 to learn a certain piece of physics. My connection to Judaism at that stage in my life was almost nil. I had done the classic sort of Conservative American Jewish upbringing of post-bar mitzvah alienation. When I came to Los Alamos I didn’t know a single person in town, so I thought I could go to the synagogue and meet some people. And because my training was reasonably thorough in the liturgy, I started leading some things at the synagogue while I was here.

Instead of going back to UC San Diego, I ended up continuing my graduate studies at the laboratory and completing my PhD while I was still here, and then got hired as a staff member at the laboratory. And all that time there was a rabbi who was coming up from Santa Fe to Los Alamos, and would teach an adult education class and I got interested. I had the arrogance of a newly minted PhD physicist that if you can learn physics, you can learn anything. So I started doing a lot of self-teaching in Judaism.

And what I discovered, which is my passion in the rabbinate, is that adult Judaism is not taught to kids because kids are kids. And most people reject Judaism like I did because they don’t know that Judaism is much richer than what most people reject. I spent my entire physics career here at the lab and in parallel, as I became more knowledgeable in Judaism, I came to know that I didn’t know anything. Then it turns out that there was a rabbi, Gershon Winkler, who moved to New Mexico and took me on as a private student, and that process led to my private ordination through him.

To pull the threads together, I’m curious how you as a physicist think about your responsibility for the uses of science, and how they mesh or clash with what you are learning in Torah.

I’ll steer your question slightly, if that’s okay. [The medieval Jewish philosopher] Maimonides says clearly that we’re given brains and the ability to do rational thought. Judaism is, it seems to me, inherently compatible with the idea of using your brain to understand how the world works, which is what physics is all about. Physics can help us see the beauty in the universe. And that beauty is part of what we’re given as a responsibility to appreciate in Judaism as well.

But science can also be applied for destructive purposes.

We are in a world that is not perfect. And, you know, there have been wars since time immemorial. Atomic weapons were used to end a war, and that was important. Like I said, my father to his dying day felt that his life was saved because of the atomic bomb, and you know, who’s to say that he was wrong?

In Los Alamos, how does the community process their legacy? Is it one of unmitigated pride or is it always leavened by regret about the destructive forces that were unleashed?

I think Oppenheimer is generally viewed very positively. What happened in Los Alamos was an important part of the history of the world. And it’s inspiring to be here at a place where, 80 years ago, there was basically nothing but a small boys’ school.'

[tobiosmilktea]

umpah umpah! smau

↪︎ bokuto x f!reader x iwaizumi

[008] — we meet again!

masterlist | prev. | next

a/n: i was listening to hozier while writing this which explains why both bokuto and iwaizumi is whipped for the mc ✨

asking if you were okay was a good question. really, it is—too bad you didn’t know the answer to that very question no matter how grossly interchangeable the words were tossed around and scrambled into nuances phrases. if anything, it made your mood turn even more sour as your two best friends tried their best to calm you down. keyword: tried

kaori was too busy dying of laughter as she would tease the glaring look on your face. “you’re going to pop a blood vessel, honey.” she snickered, holding her stomach as it ached under the constant tension.

meanwhile akaashi was still profusely apologizing beneath the latter’s amusement. a sigh left your lips for the umpteenth time in the span of five minutes as your arms braided over each other in frustration. “what the fuck are you trying to get at, keiji?”

a gasp practically escaped kaori as she slapped her hand over her mouth, “(y/n) used your first name, that’s how you now she’s pissed off.”

akaashi could only roll his eyes. it was to his best bet to ignore any of kaori’s quips as she’s known to escalate things just by the power of that witty brain of hers. “nothing!” the editor exclaimed as he turned back to you, “i just figured it wasn’t a big deal since you and bokuto both said you guys ended on good terms. besides, i warned you to check the list.”

“okay, but that doesn’t explain the fact that iwaizumi is here!” it was at this moment that you were glad the music was pumping loudly through the venue speakers to hide over your shouts.

“i told you they work for the same team, but i didn’t know they were friends until i saw who bokuto wanted to invite!”

you groan, “unbelievable.”

“i just don’t think you should let their presence ruin the rest of the night, (y/n).” akaashi mentions flatly.

“i agree,” kaori suddenly cuts in, “it’s your party, you could kick them out if you want.” she suggests with an impish tone and an expression laced in provocation.

“i’m not going to kick them out, kaori—” you’re interrupted then as she swiftly elbows you in the breast, “ouch! what was that for?”

 “sorry, i was aiming for your ribs not your titty.” she laughs briefly before motioning to a familiar figure making it’s way towards you three. perhaps it was his height that triggered a response in you to cause your heart to rapidly thump against your ribcage, but honestly, it was probably his spiked hair with white tips that was the perpetrator. “is that bokuto? oh fuck, he’s coming, act natural.”

great, you thought. you had to fight the urge to just walk away a leave, but you knew it wasn’t going to end well whatever you did. knowing your luck, you were going to stumble upon this man one way or another.

“akaashi, there you are!” bokuto calls out over the crowd, serpentining his way through groups of conversating individuals to reach his best friend. but in all honesty, akaashi knew what this guy was doing. bokuto didn’t listen to a word he said in his text messages as the volleyball player ended up coming over here either way just to talk to you.

you’re over (y/n) my ass, akaashi thinks to himself, feigning from rolling his eyes again because at this point, it was just a matter of time before everything came crashing down.

it almost felt like a target was on you, perhaps a red laser shining right in the middle of your forehead the moment bokuto flickered his attention to you. “(y/n)! it’s so nice seeing you again!”

you nod as an awkwardly smile melted on your expression, “it’s nice seeing you too, bokuto.” despite your meek demeanor, what you said certainly wasn’t a lie. you would be lying to yourself if you said that you didn’t miss bokuto and his warming aura. you suppose it was the sudden meeting that caused your fight or flight response to suddenly kick in.

bokuto’s eyebrows furrow slightly, “bokuto? what happened to calling me kou?”

as if the situation wasn’t already difficult being in, it was as if he flicked another match into the burning dumpster fire of a party. “well... we haven’t seen each other in years, so i thought it was appropriate.”

“ah...” his voice trailed on as a few beats of silence ensued.

“oh shit,” kaori suddenly curses under her breath as she nonchalantly spilled his drink all over her arm. “um, akaashi could you come and help me clean this off?” she asks in faux concern, not bothering to give the guy a chance to answer as she tugged him away.

you couldn’t help but feel a faint smirk forming on your lips as you watched the two disappear into the crowd. kaori was always good at acting herself out of awkward situations that you honestly had to applaud her. maybe later you would teasingly remind her to audition for the webtoon’s live action just to spite her. it was just a little mindless payback for leaving you alone with your ex-boyfriend.

your striking gazes met again as you turned your attention back towards bokuto. at first glance, he looked exactly the same as you last saw him—then again, the last time you did see bokuto was when you two decided to break up on the day before graduation, you couldn’t remember much of him as it was dark under the midnight sky as tears blurred your vision. even when things ended up mutual with no hard feelings, you still couldn’t help but feel a tug at your heart when you recalled the way bokuto looked at you then.

it was hard to sleep that night. 

it was a bizarre juxtaposition of comparing eighteen year old bokuto to him now. rather than appearing before you with messy hair and tears streaming down his face, he was beaming in some contagious lightheartedness. it was a feeling you never thought you would feel so nostalgic in as he still smelt like fresh chamomile. he was much bigger now, more buff as one would say and not to mention taller as well.

perhaps going professional really treated this man wonders as you had to admit how increasingly more attractive he has gotten.

“you look great, by the way.” bokuto says, pulling you out of your thoughts as you realize how long you have been staring.

“thanks...” god, this is awkward. this certainly wasn’t leaving a good impression on your part, “you don’t look too bad either.”

a red tint burned at the tips of bokuto’s ears as he scratched the nape of his neck like it was some kind of nervous tic. he usually doesn’t get nervous meeting people, new or old, yet there was something about the way you look at him even after all these years that would send his heart rate into the extremes. he hated how this all ended due to your differing aspirations. “congrats on having a successful webtoon. love cemetery is amazing and i’m obsessed if you couldn’t already tell.”

“i never really pinned you to be one of my biggest fanboys, you know.”

“i’ve always been your biggest fanboy,” bokuto assured with a smirk, “how about you, are you still my biggest fangirl?”

you playfully scoffed at his statement, “um...”

“um?” he pressed, finding the amusement in your eyes adorable.

“i dunno, i haven’t really kept up with volleyball after high school.” you chuckled, swirling the contents of your drink in your hand. “besides, i think you have enough fangirls drooling over you.”

“who needs all of them if i have you?”

you rolled your eyes as you took a sip from the alcohol in your hands. “you’re flirting again.”

“isn’t that the reason why you dated my in the first place?” bokuto jested, feeling the burning in his cheeks as he couldn’t stop smiling. this was progress to him knowing that this playful banter was enough to surely get you two to reconnect again.

you peered your eyes at him suspiciously, “you’re planning something, aren’t you?”

“you’re making it sound like i’m evil!”

“well, are you?”

“of course i’m not,” said bokuto, “i just wanted us to be friends again.”

“you’re kidding.”

he shook his head, “never in a million years.”

you weren’t sure if it was his words that made your chest feel warm or if it was the alcohol in your system. regardless, you refused to let bokuto affect you so easily in a span of a couple minutes even if you took your alcohol well.

“at least you weren’t kidding when you said you were going professional.” you hummed, leaning against one of the smaller round tables as you stared into the crowd. you were hoping bokuto would do the same, but he’d rather look at you than a congregation of random strangers.

“and you weren’t kidding either when you said you wanted to become an artist.”

“i mean, becoming a webtoon artist wasn’t exactly what i thought i was going to be, but i’m glad where i am now in life.” you answered as your eyes wandered the room.

“even without me in it?” god, what a flirt.

that infamous laugh of yours emitted from your cherry-colored lips. it was the type of laugh everyone found themselves attracted to and never annoyed, in fact, it was the laugh bokuto hadn’t even realized he missed so much until the moment it left you.

his mindless attempts at flirting was catching up to you now as you couldn’t fight the feeling of the heat rising to your cheeks. “well, you’re right in front of me aren’t you?”

“things are different know, though...”

“right but—” you tried to respond, but was inevitably interrupted by yuko.

she came up to you in a slight hurry, calling out your name before apologizing to bokuto. “sorry to cut your conversation so short, but i need (y/n) to come take care of something for me.”

confusion melted upon your expression as you turned to her, “we do?”

“we do,” she huffs.

“it’s alright,” bokuto says while motioning for you to follow suit of your manager. “let’s catch up more sometime, yeah?”

you smile at him, one that’s less mediocre and awkward and a bit more genuine. “of course,” was the last thing you could say before yuko yanked at your arm once again until you were in just another body in the crowd.

despite yuko’s hand firmly gripped around your wrist to ensure you wouldn’t get lost in the sea of people, it was difficult trying to focus at one thing at a time. at first it was the worry about your manager and her sudden interruption, but now it was trying your best not to spill your drink due to all the drunken bodies bumping into yours. were there really this many people on the invite list?

grumbling to your self, you threw your head back as you finished the last bits of drink in your hand while you were pulled through the crowd like a ragdoll. having to pay for a stranger’s dry cleaning due to a spilled drink was the last thing on your mind right now.

“what did you want me to help you with?” you shout over to your manager once she slowed down.

“nothing,” said yuko over her shoulder, “i was watching you and bokuto talk and you kept getting redder and redder i thought you were going to pass out.”

embarrassment flushed through, cheeks heating up again at the thought. “ugh, was it that obvious?” you groaned as your head fell from the utter humiliation that was coursing through your body at that moment—far too distracted that your humiliation could only worsen the moment you bumped into another.

“sorry, i wasn’t looking—” the apologetic tone in your voice subsided as your eyes flickered up to whoever’s chest it was up to a yet another familiar face.

“(y/n)?” he says.

“iwaizumi?” you say.

your names were jumbled up in unison just as much as your thoughts immediately dissipated into thin air. just my luck, huh? you swore you were dreaming. nothing in the absolute world could possibly make such a ironic turn of events as if you were in some melodrama yourself. call it fate or destiny, but bumping into both of your exes within a span of ten minutes was something you never would’ve wished upon yourself.

“it’s um... fancy meeting you here.” you start the second you flicker a look over to yuko as she could only give you a pitiful smile. “it’s been a while, right?”

regardless of the confident aura you were extruding right now, you were completely freaking out for the third time this evening. you knew today was going to affect you emotionally, but you wasn’t expecting it to be like this. you were expecting to get a bit emotional due to the fact your webtoon that you poured your absolute heart and soul into has come to an end and not because two attractive dudes from your past just coincidentally came back into your life.

and yet it didn’t matter, it wasn’t like iwaizumi could see through that little façade of false confidence in your expression as it felt like he was meeting you for the first time all over again. it fit all down to a tee from the way his adam’s apple bobbed up and down in his throat to his breath hitching from the sight or to the infamous monarch butterflies tickling his gut.

“it’s nice to see you too, (y/n)...” his words trailed as you couldn’t help but notice how deeper his voice had gotten since the last time you’ve seen him. granted, he was fifteen back then and had a lot of time to grow up and become this absolute adonis.

iwaizumi certainly wasn’t planning on coming across you this evening either. if anything, you two both shared that internal panic when your eyes briefly met at the start of the party. however, he couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved knowing that in the end you two did manage to cross ways. he supposes that after seeing you and bokuto talk as if you two have known each other for years created an inkling feeling in his gut.

he hates the way you distracted him the majority of the night. it wasn’t like you two were on talking terms especially after years of not seeing each other, yet it felt strange for him to even let himself feel this way.

besides, iwaizumi felt absolutely terrible knowing satomi was trying her hardest to capture his lingering attention by making conversation about anything—literally anything.

anyone who had been friends with iwaizumi in the past know he’s an absolute sweetheart, but at the same time, he’s honest. he’s not the type to hesitate in telling someone the cold hard truth even if it meant hurting their feelings, yet whenever he would look at satomi, he couldn’t bring himself to say that he wasn’t interested in the conversation.

you cleared your throat, pulling iwaizumi back from his thoughts, “so... i heard that you became the new athletic trainer for the black jackals.” the man before you nods as he was stilling taking you all in. was he staring at you for that long? “i thought were living in california, why the sudden change of plans?”

iwaizumi shrugs as he took a sip of his beer, “i ended up getting a better job offer here, so i decided to move back. why? have you missed me?”

the moment those words left his lips, he immediately wanted to slap his hand over his mouth and cringe. why was he suddenly so flirtatious with you? was it because he saw you and bokuto flirting earlier, was that it?

you chuckled in amusement as you nod. you honestly weren’t going to lie that his words did catch you off guard for a second. something like this was definitely not in iwaizumi’s handbook his (more or less) complicated personality, yet you decided to play along anyway. “of course i have, iwa! i’m not soulless, you know.”

iwa? the man before thought to himself, what happened to haji? he shook the thought out of his as he opened his mouth in attempt to speak, but he noticed your attention leaving his and onto the person beside him.

satomi cleared her throat as she looks at him innocently, waiting for iwaizumi to introduce her to you.

“oh uh,” he motions his head to the team’s physical therapist next to him, “this is yahagi satomi, she’s my—”

“—date for this evening,” she cuts iwaizumi off and answers for him, catching him a bit off guard and confused, yet he doesn’t correct her. granted, satomi was his plus one so it made sense.

you purse your lips as you took in her features. she was a bit on the shorter side with her long copper hair pulled back into a sleek high ponytail as her bangs were styled perfectly to fit her face. semi was right, she is pretty. it was then you stuck your hand out for her to shake, feeling who cold her palm was compared to yours. “it’s nice to meet you. how long have you two been together?” you ask out of the blue.

i mean, what’s wrong with a little curiosity?

“oh no, we’re not together.” iwaizumi is quick to answer, not even noticing satomi’s slight change in expression when she parted her lips to answer herself. “she’s just my plus one because bokuto told us to.”

you nod at his words, trying your best to ignore the intravenous relief that was coursing through you at that moment. you realized how long you had been standing there then, failing to notice that yuko was still by your side the entire time. if anything, she was just trying to help you out once again as she could literally feel the rising tension in the air. if you were to talk to satomi any longer, it would surely go wrong knowing your luck. luckily, she spots sugawara’s silvery hair just a few feet away.

yuko wasn’t entirely sure how in the hell she was going to get his attention to save your asses, but it was going to happen one way or another. she was just glad you were too preoccupied talking to iwaizumi and satomi that yuko was able to text sugawara to come over.

she watched sugawara feel the buzzing of his phone in his pocket, observing his every move as he pulls it out and read the text as the screen light shined over his face. he looked up then, eyes scanning the room briefly before landing upon yuko’s familiar figure standing next to yours.

the manager widens to eyes a bit at him like a warning to come over here.

she wasn’t sure what was so hard to understand from the pure helplessness in her expression, but sugawara was taking his sweet ass time.

yuko grumbled to herself. at this point, perhaps she was just trying to save herself.

it was then sugawara was finally making his way over to you and yuko. “oh hey, iwaizumi! long time no see, sorry to interrupt but i need to borrow (y/n) and yuko for a second.”

you gave sugawara a confused look as it washed over your expression. again? ugh, give me a break. however, before you could excuse yourself from the conversation, iwaizumi grabs your upper arm lightly.

“(y/n),” he stops you in place, “we should catch up sometime.”

you open your mouth to respond, but sugawara interjects before you could. “why not catch up now?” he suggests, causing all four of you to snap your head towards him, “i’m sure i’ll just yuko’s help will be enough, plus (y/n) has tons of time to talk to more guests.”

the silver haired man gives you a sly wink before taking yuko with him and leaving you behind. great.

you honestly couldn’t excuse yourself now as it would be obvious why no matter how many excuses you come up with, so you had to power through. besides, what could go wrong with talking with your first love and some random girl that somehow gives you a weird vibe?

“so how do you guys know each other?” satomi questions you, suddenly interested in your relationship with iwaizumi. it sounds suspicious, yet she was genuinely wondering if she was attempting to make moves on someone like iwaizumi was a good idea.

“we went to middle and a little bit of high school together,” you answer as a matter-of-fact. there was surely no need to lie.

her eyebrows rise in curiosity, “that makes sense... you guys must have been really close, huh.”

you flickered a look to iwaizumi, examining his reaction if he was also noticing her off words. “yeah... really close.” his expression melted into confusion then as you placed your gaze back to satomi.

iwaizumi scratched the back of his neck as the words remained at the tip of his tongue. why weren’t you mentioning that you two dated before? it wasn’t like it was a crime nor secret. he hated to think this, but could it be because you regretted your relationship with him?

he shook the thought out of his head quickly. the obvious answer was no as the breakup was mutual, yet after all these years of drifting apart, was that really the truth?

if he recalled correctly, one of the last words you said to him before you inevitably left for tokyo and never looked back was that you love him and would always be there for him no matter what. you even promised to text him as much as possible, yet after months had passed since you moved to your new life, it was as if the promise was nonexistent. however, iwaizumi couldn’t bring himself to blame you. if anything, he had himself to blame considering how many times he had written that same text over and over again, yet never had the courage to send it.

“(y/n) had to move to tokyo after our first year so we kind of drifted.” iwaizumi answers. even now with the chance open for him to mention your previous relationship was out in the open, he was still do cowardly to say it.

perhaps somethings never change.

fun facts! —

iwaizumi wasn’t really keen on using social media back in high school, which explains why he never really found out about (y/n) and bokuto’s relationship

it wasn’t like (y/n) and bokuto liked posting about their relationship either at the time

satomi and bokuto have always been homies after they have gotten closer when bokuto injuredhis knee and had to go to physical therapy, but he never really talked about his past relationships, hence satomi not knowing about (y/n)

taglist: (comment or send an ask to be added!)

@moonlightaangel @elianetsantana @k4tiepie @memorableminds @skyguy-peach @suhkusa @kitsunetea @airybby @noeminemi @truly-a-snitch @keichan @cosmicmermaid25 @bap-kingdom @saturnfarie @kwdflash @ennos-baby @dinablossom @chrisrue15 @seikamuzu @nestlevanilla @chasekudo @yammmers @pixcldust @iwaizluv @h0ngh0ngh0ng @emogril @tiredandkindaoverworked @atsunakaashi @underratedmage @bokutosuwus @kellesvt @kaiju-teeth @oh-tapeworm @scrappydaisies @alittlebitofrain @mxngy @tpwkatsumu @atsumuwoah @macchiatoast @dicerawr @kageyamasbabygorl @some-random-stranger-007 @vhskenma @wntrmn @little-plants @stargirlara @kissungjae @je11yfishwriter @sbaepsae

[chilly-me-softly]

fluff alphabet for jordan (henderson)

This is my first alphabet so hope I did it right and that you like it! x

A - APRON

Jordan wasn't the best cook in the world, he kept it simple and always made the same recipes sure that the result was more than acceptable. And you loved to see him in action, from the moment he put on his apron until he got to the cooker, his expression always focused as if he were in the middle of a surgical operation. And then his eagerness to know if it was good, the smile on his face when you complimented him, him enormously pleased with himself.

B - BALL

Of course he always has a ball between his feet, many times urging you to play with him. And you're not a professional player at his level, but you certainly manage to distract him in other ways...

C - CUDDLE

After a day of practice what better thing than holding you in his arms while you tell him what happened while he was gone or anything else that comes to mind. Your voice is better than any relaxing drink, so much so that many times he has closed his eyes without even noticing.

But it's the little circles you draw on his arm, the light kisses you leave on his chin from time to time that make his night. Because no matter how much he likes being around the boys, no one pampers him like you do.

D - DINOSAUR

The little dinosaur is supposed to be for your son, but ever since it was given to you, it keeps you company when you're alone. Or even to annoy Jordan as he often complains that you spend more time hugging that soft toy than he does.

"I swear, as soon as he's born, I'll let him have it"

"If you say so" Jordan strokes your eight month old baby bump with a smile on his face, "did you hear mommy? She'll leave you her toys" he leaves a light kiss on your belly as you gasp hitting him with the dinosaur head.

"You're really mean Jordan, go away I never want to see you again" you put on a fake pout as he looks at you softly getting up to be at your height.

"How about you keep this dinosaur, and our son gets another one? You can match"

"I don't need a stuffed animal, I'm a big girl now" but you don't believe it either, him raising an eyebrow clearly amused and you hitting him with the dinosaur again.

E - EXERCISE

Even on his days off Jordan had to work out, the home gym built for the occasion. And he loves showing off for you, when you go to sit on a bench and your gaze settles on his toned, sweaty body.

"Like what you see?" he sneers, gently passing the towel over his face and then laying it on your shoulders, you rolling your eyes faking nonchalance.

"Please my lover is in better shape"

"Oh yeah?" Jordan walks over trapping your legs against the bench and starting to lie on top of you.

"No Jordan you're sticky" you try to desist but he's already on your lips. So you draw him to you by the neck, the thin layer of clothing separating you starting to get annoying.

F - FAMILY PHOTO

Jordan literally loves family photos, a big one of you just on the fireplace. He claims that every year you have to redo it because you all change so much, especially the little ones. Plus that year there is a new member of the family so it has to be redone.

You smile, arranging the ribbon around the baby's head in your arms as a three-year-old runs past your side almost tripping.

"Careful" you sigh, "Come on come over here next to us so we can take the picture and then you can go play" you don't know how he hasn't gotten dirty in some way yet. Jordan and the light shirt obsession. It's cute but totally not appropriate for a vulcano like your kid.

Finally Jordan arrives after talking to the photographer about the shots, wrapping an arm around you briefly. He places a kiss on your temple and the forehead of the little one in your arms before stopping the baby who was about to run away again.

"Just two minutes okay?" he smiles, crouching down and resting his hands on the kid's shoulders, smoothing down his jacket and adjusting his little bow tie before guiding him back to his seat.

And at the end of the week all you have to do is choose the best photo.

G - GETAWAY

Especially in summer you used to disappear to spend some time alone away from schedules, appointments, dinners to attend, families. Nothing was better than disconnecting, just you and Jordan relaxing in a secluded place or being tourists in some unknown location. You did everything you could to keep your mind off your troubles for even a couple of nights and it was always worth it.

H - HUG

All you had to do was say that word and Jordan would drop what he was doing, his arms gently around your body. Sometimes you did it just for the sake of it, but most of the time you just felt the need to be held and he was almost always there to satisfy you.

I - ILL

Sick Jordan was absolutely something. His unkempt state, his bright eyes and his drawling smile made him so cute in your eyes even though he felt like crap.

"Stop looking at me like that" he complains as he always does trying to hide his head somewhere while you smile.

"I'm not doing anything"

"You're looking at me" his voice comes muffled from under the pillow as you try to take it off, stroking his slightly damp hair. You liked taking care of him for once, even if it meant he wasn't at his best. He always seemed so strong, always available for you and that was one of the few times you could somehow return the favour.

He got annoying but you couldn't really take it out on him, could you?!

J - JORDAN

You didn't use nicknames, his name was good like that and you didn't need to change it or not use it at all. And he loved to hear his name coming from you. With hilarity when you were having fun; with sweetness in intimate moments; and yet angry, joking, alarmed, every possible nuance brought a smile to his face.

K - KEY

You were having breakfast one morning, you were enjoying your bowl of cereal while his had become un-eatable by now as he kept throwing you glances not caring about it.

He continues to twist something between the fingers of the hand he has hidden from your view when suddenly Jordan reaches across the table, sliding something towards you. A key.

"This is the house key. I wanted to... well give it to you but don't feel pressured in any way" he doesn't know exactly what he's nervous about, many times he's left you his keys to get in or when he was out of town for emergencies. But you looking at him motionless certainly doesn't help him. Has he made a mistake?

"You're giving me the key to your house?" your gaze on that object, incredulous, not touching it as if it might shock you. "Really?" you always had his keys on loan, having your own meant he trusted you enough to let you into his space even unannounced, or that you wouldn't lose it and risk someone else finding it. It was a really great gesture.

"Yeah I mean I thought you could have your own copy, and use it even when I'm here" a huge smile breaks across your face as you stand up going to sit on Jordan's lap, him scooting his chair further back to allow you to be more comfortable.

"That's...I have no words. Just thank you"

"I like the idea of coming home to find you already comfortable"

"Oh I surely will" you chuckle as you finally take that key in your hands, snapping to your feet causing a confused expression to appear on Jordan's face as you leave for the door.

"I forgot something" you walk back inside using the key and going straight to leave a kiss on his lips as he stands up immediately wrapping his arms around your body. "Are you crazy? It's so cold out there"

"I have a key now" you state with satisfaction as you cling to him.

L - LAUGH

Definitely his trademark, you can recognise it even with your eyes closed. You couldn't be more different than that, you always trying to be as quiet as possible while he was always so loud. But you couldn't help but be mesmerised by his face when he laughed, from his squinted eyes to his head thrown back.

"If I were to lose my memory, I'm sure your laugh would make me remember you" a soft smile on your face as you looked up at him slightly from below lying on his chest as he raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? Why would you lose your memory?"

"I said if, it's a scenario" you roll your eyes pouting, him quickly running his thumb over your lips to remove it.

"Why do you always have to be so tragic?"

"Ugh Jordan it was a compliment, it's not my fault you don't get it" and that laugh is always there to fill your heart.

M - MATCHDAY

Every home game Jordan is sure to have you at the stadium cheering for him. Over the years that has never changed, only skipping games when you weren't feeling well or when you were really pregnant and Jordan would be more concerned about you and your safety than the outcome of the game.

A little unspoken routine between you, him always leaving home early no matter the kick off time to review tactics and you sending him a text to wish him luck with a picture of you - and later a picture of you and the kids - wearing his jersey.

After the match regardless of the result and after he has done any interviews, here you are together sharing a short but sweet moment. You remind him how proud you are of him, the children want to go and play on the pitch.

N - NOSE

His nose brushes your neck as he snuggles up against you to rest; his nose brushes yours gently in an Eskimo kiss before he makes your lips connect; his nose brushes your skin after you have just stepped out of the shower. You often teased him by saying he looked like a tracker but you liked that little attention, the build up to what came next.

O - OLD

You always tease him by claiming he's getting old, sprawled out on the couch after spending half an hour chasing his son completely out of energy while the kid would happily take another ten thousand steps in the backyard.

"If I'm old then so are you, you know that don't you?"

"Yeah" you shrug, "but I'm still younger than you"

P - PIXEL

It's no secret that Jordan travels a lot during the year, your pixilated face seen more times than he'd like. But you don't hold it against him, besides being work it's his dream and moving around so much means he's living it to the fullest; that he's required and indispensable to the team besides being its captain of course.

You have learned to live the moments when you are together, to cheer and not waste it. And every time he stops to look at you while you're sleeping by his side or even just at any other time, he can't stop remembering how much those pixels don't really do you justice.

R - RING

It was a normal day in your life when you realised as a teenager that you had a thing for guys' hands, and if they had rings for some reason it was a bonus.

And many times you'd literally froze as you stared at Jordan's hands moving as he talked or wrote or cooked, the addition of that ring after your wedding didn't help the cause. You were brought back down to earth by his laughter because it was always surprising how one minute you were actively participating in the conversation and the next you were like in trance.

S - SAFE

You don't think you've ever told him verbally but you were lucky enough to have met him. Jordan makes you feel safe and you don't talk about the need to be defended from the bad. You know that with Jordan you can talk about whatever is on your mind without fear of being judged, you know he will always be there for you no matter what. You're immediately heartened by the reminder that he's by your side because any moment is less hard if the right person is by your side.

T - TOMORROW

It is something you often talk about, tomorrow. Everything is unpredictable, you never wanted to make long-term plans because you never know what might happen but only one thing you know for sure that you want Jordan by your side. And your idea matches his.

"You are my tomorrow and as long as I wake up with you by my side I will have a reason to smile"

U - UNIVERSE

"You are my universe"

"Stop it"

"But you are, why wouldn't I tell you" he chuckles as you hit him trying to hide your face.

You are one who is always on the move, always available for others but at the same time doesn't know how to react to compliments. You do what you do not to be praised or anything else but just because you feel like it and every time after a compliment of any kind any word would seem unnecessary, making you stand in front of that person smiling embarrassed making you feel uncomfortable. There, if you had to find a word to describe it you could say that compliments make you uncomfortable.

And Jordan knows this very well, but every now and then when you're alone he starts showering you with compliments and sweet phrases for the sake of it. But the truth is that he likes it when you blush, your cheeks turning red as you do your best not to look him in the eye or hide your face in your hands.

V - VOWS

It seemed years away, but your wedding day had arrived overwhelmingly. You couldn't wait to experience that day and those emotions to the fullest. The thing that had been most challenging for you was the vows, so many things to say without finding the right words. Everything seemed already said, obvious, not perfect and several times you had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for that small detail.

But on your wedding day, no one around you exists anymore. There's just you and Jordan and your hearts full of love for each other, his thumb caressing the back of your hand for support. You almost forget what you've been struggling to write over those last few months, the words that come easily from your lips just by looking into his eyes.

W - WINNER

Winner takes it all. Jordan watches from afar as you joke with some of his teammates and the only thing he can think about is how that year just ended was one of the most amazing of his life so far, both professionally and in his personal life. He had achieved extraordinary goals with the team, broken records and set new ones. And then he had you who had given him a child a few months earlier and he felt like a winner.

Y - YUMMY

"Yeah that's yummy" Jordan watches his baby close his mouth around the spoon and then bring his thumb to his mouth getting messy with his own food.

"Why do you do that hm? Why?" his tone of voice only makes the child laugh as he waits for another bite clapping his hands on the high chair. Jordan quickly satisfies him seeing the same scene repeat itself, the little hands that have now become sticky and are getting everything they touch dirty like they always do at feeding time.

Z - ZOOM

His professionalism never fails to amaze you as you watch him from afar managing to handle questions in front of a computer. It will be the third interview in which he's asked the same things over and over again and you have never seen him make any gesture of tiredness or annoyance. And you are waiting for him to finally get up from that chair to wrap him in your arm and give him the right amount of pampering he needs to clear his head of everything.

[bokunosimpfiction]

Demon!Dimitrescux Reader

Synopsis: Lady Dimitrescu reveals herself as a demon that has made it her personal mission to guard you after what you believe is the case of worst/best timing of your entire life. No trigger warnings. 1.6k words.

A/N: This took me less than two hours to write/publish this. I needed this out of my system ASAP

             The black Toyota Corolla had to look strangely familiar your first pass down the street. It reminded you of your boyfriend’s car, and you swore that the digits of the license plate must have been one or two off his, and the generic pine tree air freshener must have been a different color. Not to mention the woman in the backseat with a cocktail dress on.

             You chose not to think about it as you walked into the 7-11 in nothing but your pajamas and the pair of crocs you haven’t worn since being on the college swim team. It wasn’t hard to decide what to grab off the shelves. A bag of chips store brand sour patch kids and gummy worms, a two-liter of Pepsi, and a bottle of wine too big for one person. The cashier looked just as tired as you did, and you understood what it was like, barely, time is a social construct that distanced you deeply from the night shifts you pulled at this same store while in college. Nine to five shifts (Dolly Parton shifts, your coworker would call them with a smile) were only better because you could sit down and have a stable sleep schedule. It was the same grueling work, and in your case, you had to deal with the same shitty people that complained about things you can’t control.

             His droning voice pulled you out of your train of thoughts. “The total is forty-eight fifty-seven.” He was either crying in the backroom while you were picking out your chips or hit a massive dab, you weren’t sure, but his red eyes made either option feasible. You didn’t comment on it, only handing him two twenties and a ten and taking the change back before walking out the door. You didn’t say anything to him, and vice versa, which you appreciated because you didn’t have the energy to deal with a chatty Kathy right now. And as you pull yourself down the street, your bag of crap from 7-11 in your hand, you pass that same deja-vu-mobile and look at the stickers on the back.

             The same I love my dog and proud cat-dad stickers in the exact same place, the dent on the right side of the bumper, and the license plate that was in fact, one hundred percent his. Which begs the question, who was the girl in the cocktail dress, and what was she doing in the backseat? The question didn’t matter for long because the car promptly burst into flames. Oh well. Wait.

The.

Car.

Is.

On.

Fire.

             It’s your boyfriend’s car.

Your

Boyfriends.

Car.

Is.

On.

Fire.

             You wipe out your phone to call the fire department when you see the girl in the same cocktail dress crawl out of the car, dress pulled up to her waist, barefoot and mascara streaming down her face. She’s violently beating his clutch against the ground, desperate to put out the flames while your boyfriend slams the door open on the other side and throws himself out full force onto the asphalt of the busy street. He looks up and sees the anger in your eyes.

             “Hey, babe.”

             “I-I-can-” he stutters violently. His face was red in anger and blood dripping from his nose due to the face-first collision with the freshly paved street.

             “We’re over.”

             You do him the favor of calling the fire department for his car and walk off as soon as you hear the sirens of the firetruck. You didn’t have anything to do with it. No need to watch the fallout when you had nothing to do with the disaster. Besides, your soda’s getting cold, you wanted to drink that before it got Luke-warm. You ended up dropping off the crap and walking to the 24-7 grocery store a little farther in the other direction to get ice cream. Standing in the frozen aisle, in nothing but your pajamas, bright red crocs, and moist eyes, you try and decide between the weird, nuanced flavors that all taste like vanilla anyhow.

             You look up towards the top shelf when you notice the woman leaning over you. She’s deathly pale, skin as pale as paper and lipstick so red it glowed compared to everything else. Her huge hat would make a shadow on her face if it weren’t propped right above her hairline.

             “So, did you enjoy the show sweet-heart,” she whispers in your ear. You feel her breath on your neck and her gaze freezes your heart. “You didn’t think that his car catching on fire was a happy accident now did you?”

             You turn around, only not to see her behind you, but on the fogged-up glass doors on the other side of the aisle. “Did you really think that I’d be standing right behind you?” Her question is almost taunting.

             “Who are you?”

             She breathes into her elegant pipe only to blow out to re-fog the glass before staring dead into your eyes and saying the words that changed your life forever. “I’m your guardian demon.”

             You honestly thought you were losing your mind, seeing this woman in the glass, telling you she was a demon who set your ex’s car on fire. (It felt odd to call him that, you had been dating him for three years). Her elegant leg steps through the glass, her dress riding up to just below her knee before it hit the ground and the rest of her flowed into our realm as smoothly as her dress swayed when she walked over to you.

             She was almost twice your height, and the view from where she stood in front of you made her feel even more so tall. “So mortal, what do you have to say, knowing that you have a five-hundred-year-old all-powerful demon protecting you?”

             “What happened to my guardian angel?”

             She scoffs. “You never had one. Most people nowadays have guardian angels, in fact, I’ve only heard of one other mortal who hasn’t had one that’s alive right now.”

             “What do you mean?” You can’t help but ask. There’s an entire world of things you didn’t understand. Angels. Demons. Hell, even bigfoot could be real for all you know.

             “Well, darling, there is a very simple answer to that question: there are only so many angels for so many mortals, and so sometimes a few slip through the cracks of the system, and that’s where we step in.” She moves around to the refrigerator next to you and inspects the sorbets. “Despite what the church tells you, us demons love humans. They’re a claim to social status. You bring a human home, and you’re viewed as wealthy, famous even.”

             “So that’s what you get out of taking a person’s soul in a deal.”

             She turns to you. “When I what now?”

             “Ya’ know,” you say, “a person makes a deal with a demon in exchange for money or fame, and when they die their soul belongs to the demon and they’re doomed to eternal hell yada-yada-yada.”

             “Is that what they’re teaching you, now.”

             “At least that’s what my mother says. I didn’t really believe in any of this stuff till you stepped out of the door and said you set my ex’s car on fire.”

             “I would have done it sooner, but you looked so happy with him, it was difficult to pull that away from you,” she sighs before standing up to her full height, “that woman he was with was going to give you HPV and I’d prefer the human I fought tooth and nail over to not get an STD. I would never have let that stupid-man-thing touch you had I known he would cheat on you with a mortal so… infected.” What an interesting word to decide to land on.

             She turns and waltzes back across the aisle with a grace that has long been lost to time. “And besides, you’re better off without him, with him off your mind you’ll be able to take that new project on at work and get that raise you’ve been needing so badly.”

             You’re still trying to process this. “You mentioned that you only heard of one other mortal with a demon guardian. Who is he?”

             “His name doesn’t matter, all I really care about is that damn man-child, Heisenberg, is watching him, which means he won’t be alive much longer.”

             “Do you kill us?”

             She puts her hand to her chest and looks genuinely offended before her features soften when she realizes you had never met a demon in your entire life not to mention even believing in them. “We would never. Our humans are like our children, and while we may not be able to subtle pull strings to protect those that we watch over, we do have our more… direct ways of protecting them.”

             “Like setting his car on fire.”

             “I’ve done worse things to keep you safe.”

             Your face pales, but your curiosity brightens your eyes. “Like what?”

             “Your so demand, child, but remember when lightning struck the tree in your backyard, and it fell and landed on your neighbor fifteen or so years ago?”

             You can’t formulate words.

             “Or how your car broke down on the side of the road so you couldn’t reach the hotel you booked?”

             “You did that!”

             “They were going to steal your luggage!” She scoffs before taking a long drag from her pipe. “Anymore, questions?”

             “Is Jesus real?”

             “I wasn’t there for that, and if he was, he hasn’t left his fluffy little sky bed since being nailed to that goddamn cross.”

             “One more.”

             “It better not be stupid, darling.”

             “What ice cream should I get?”

             Her soft smile returns. “Get the java-chip, but the one right behind the front one, there’s a little extra than usual in that container.”

[imagineredwood]

Hey babe. I don't want you to put too much into it because we already expect too much from POC to begin with but can you give me just a simple small handful of things that you absolutely don't want to see in fanfic?

I had a post like this already but I couldn’t find it because tumblr is trash so here we are  😂

I understand that being vague can be difficult because it’s difficult for me, but being too specific can really throw things off if the person reading doesn’t fit your description. For instance, I knew I had a certain vision when it came to the story I wanted to do for Camila and I didn’t want to have to cut things out and leave out those details that really paint the picture. I do reader inserts all the time. That’s what I do. Literally 90% of my work is reader inserts, maybe even more. I’ve created a name for myself here by doing that, so that’s what the bulk of my work is, but I also want to show what other things I can do. Show how well I can paint a picture and tell a story. You can’t do that as well when the reader has no attributes. So that being said 

Don’t mention the “readers” hair color/length/texture etc. “Flowing blonde hair”  

Don’t mention the reader's skin tone/color/texture 

Don’t mention their height/weight/body type or build 

Don’t throw in backstory like “your 5 siblings” “Growing up without a mom” “coming from an abusive home” things like that. You may relate, other’s don’t

Don’t substitute Daddy with Papi. We’ve been over this a million times 

It's very easy to see which writer is writing something self-indulgent and just trying to pass it off as a reader insert. And writing self-indulgent work is fine! It’s great! Sometimes self-indulgent work comes out the best! I never thought that Cam’s story would make it as far as it did because I created her out of thin air and she’s not actually real, yet people have really enjoyed it because it came from the heart. It was something I created that made me happy and it showed, so people love it just like I do. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok but a good amount of people have really enjoyed the story.

But to label something as ______ x reader, and then describe yourself or your OC, that’s not how this works. You’re lying to people, whether you want to see it that way or not. And there are also other subtle nuances that people sometimes don’t even realize that they’re doing. Keep in mind that:

Dark-skinned or black people don’t blush. They feel the heat, but their face doesn’t “turn pink”. Instead, try saying “They felt the heat rise to their cheeks and ears” Same thing for light or dark skin, but you’re not excluding anyone who can’t physically have pink cheeks

Certain hair lengths/textures or curl patterns don't just let you run your fingers through their hair. Someone with 4c hair can’t have that done as easily as someone with straight hair. Someone with no hair can’t either, or someone with a protective style.

Not every Latino is Mexican. If someone asks for a Latinx reader and they don’t specify, don’t start going off about elotes and family in Juarez when that might not be where they’re from. There's a shitload of Latin American countries, Mexico isn’t the only one. Of course, you can’t include every single culture, so don’t. Just use some Spanish if you know any, maybe family dynamics, things like that.

Not everyone’s nipples are pink. Fair-skinned people have pink nipples, and not even all of them. Black, Latina, Asian, women usually tend to have brown nipples. Some lighter, some darker, but not “pretty pink” Associating pink nipples with being the pretty ones is a microaggression in itself. 

Afro-Latinos exist. Just because someone asked for a Latina reader, doesn’t automatically make her medium skinned. Dark-skinned Latinos are real and it isn’t fair to count them out. So unless the reader requested a lighter skinned latina, don’t just do that on your own

Don’t be too hard on yourself if you have done these things. Hell, I’ve written things that excluded MYSELF  😂 When I first started here there was no Mayans MC, it was just SOA and we know how that went. So I always felt like if I didn’t cater to the people who looked like the main characters, I wouldn’t do well. It’s not that I’m comfortable in my own skin and got no problem writing about people that look like me. But I’ve found things like “you blushed” in my own writing when I first started and that excludes darker-skinned people. I’ve tried to correct it in any piece that I find, but I’ve done a lot of work and I don’t have the time to go through every single piece. 

If anyone ever finds something that is not inclusive like that, please let me know. There are somethings that I will have to leave because we are all different and there are some things that I won’t be able to include every single person. But something like that where I did the above if you find it let me know which story. I know they’re out there because I’ve found and corrected some myself. I’m not saying I’m perfect and I don’t expect anyone else to do. What I do expect is for people to try. Once you’ve been made aware, don’t brush it off. Address it. If you don’t, that’s your right, but then don’t complain that people don’t read your stuff and you don’t get as much positive feedback as other writers. 

It’s nice that you bother to ask babe. The more we can educate people, the more inclusive this space will become❣️

[carefreejules]

About the Winter Soiree Pokemas Event

I’m gonna copy and paste my observations and thoughts on Leon’s character in the recent Pokemas event that I tweeted on Twitter because hey, I feel like talking today kadhjas

I think what I like most about the Pokemas event is that it's making me think about how relationships, whether platonic or romantic, are complicated in that even knowing if someone is doing something for the greater population, it's human nature to yearn their undivided attention.

It kind of grinds my gears when Leon gets called out for behaving in certain ways and then suddenly people think he's being called a bad person and that we HAVE to jump to his defense and it's just like, you're kind of missing the point?  Look, I love Leon and I will die on this hill, but even he needs to be acknowledged for certain actions and behaviors that may be done with good intentions, but recognize that they can and will hurt others and that's not inherently a bad thing. I think that’s something the internet isn’t willing to discuss or talk about because we feel uncomfortable when the characters we care about, are being acknowledged for habits that we believe are done for the greater good, but end up having a more negative impact and it’s OK if that happens and it doesn’t make them a bad person for it. It’s exhausting how the internet has hyperbolized or really made actions with black and white labels when there’s so much complexity and nuance to be had. 

Sure what Calyrex said may be misinterpreted or come off as harsh, but the point he was trying to make is for Leon to become more self-aware of his actions and whether or not they're actually benefitting others because it's not enough to just hope and think that they are.  Because throughout the whole event, you can see Calyrex watching and observing how Leon and his friends are interacting with each other and he clearly sees the effect that Leon's habits and mannerisms has on them. 

Sonia is disappointed because her two close friends are working when she finally makes time to visit but she knows it's not her fault or theirs and Calyrex KNOWS that too. Nessa being able to make time in-between work to spend time with Sonia, shows the dynamic in their relationship and how it differs from her and Leon. Leon on the other hand, wants to get work out of the way first before spending time with Sonia, which again, has good intentions, but in contrast to Nessa, we see that Leon is someone who chooses not to rest or take a break and depending on your needs in a friendship, you could be OK with this or like Sonia, not so much. You can tell that when Nessa took a break to spend time with her, it mattered to her A LOT because being able to set work aside to spend time with someone shows that you're prioritizing them over work. It's hard for Sonia to get that impression from Leon and Calyrex KNOWS. That's why when Calyrex says "the more you push yourself to greater heights, the more others struggle to keep up" he's challenging Leon by making him think about his priorities because even though Leon is working in the interest of his family and friends, that can become a burden.  He's not calling him a bad person or that he should feel bad about bettering himself, Calyrex is telling Leon that hey, maybe you need to come back to Earth for a bit and remember those who got you to this point because you matter to them and I know they matter to you too. 

This isn't an issue of keeping up with each other, it's to take the time to remind yourself and appreciate those that helped you get to where you are because that's what the spirit of the holidays is all about, you know? Everyone should absolutely push themselves to greater heights, but there's only so much you can do with your power alone and you need to take the time to come back down to Earth and ground yourself so you never lose sight of what's important. That’s why Calyrex kept talking about how the more you distance yourself, the harder it will be maintain relationships that are just gonna keep drifting further if you don’t make an effort to close the distance yourself.