#Which led to him saying all tumblr ppl do is hate him which :

[mikaikaika]

what did tubbo say? :(

Tubbo is on alt stream and people were asking him about QTubbo's age to which he said qTubbo is 20 years old and then expanded to say that however qTubbo has been around for longer but his age got stopped when he got frozen

Also Creation has been shutdown for now and we won't seem him soon but we might so who knows

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

[sinha-ri]

I know nothing about your ocs so please give me the rundown I NEED to learn about them but have no idea where to start

Strap in this is going to be long bc i will give you a rundown of each lil fucker I have gl on the read ive been oc obsessed for YEARS also warning for lots and lots of dark and tragic themes not a single one of my ocs has a good life (at the start anyway)

Lily Artesia

he is the blorbo bleebus, the guy i was obsessed with for over 3 years and has over 110 art (that number is just as much as i could find on this laptop alone and NOT including shittier sketches)

he's 28 in present time, gay and asexual, trauma heavy fella, at this point its what hasn't happened to him he has the worst luck, chronic pain, shit dyslexia so he cant read, and his left eye is missing

He is a runaway prince from the holy star kingdom. His family is blessed by the stars and he is their first ever 2nd child, as they were "cursed" to only have 1 child, he has been the only outlier ever. This made him have a few of the blessings rather than all (list of said blessings)

As a runaway prince, he traveled across the sea to another land where he became a mercenary/bounty hunter, worked in the black market, dated a shit ton of questionable ppl, uhh..false sex work that ended up just being murder (as in..he murdered) before being kidnapped and enslaved for a year. He was saved but more like ownership traded w the military he uh, i guess he served there for a while and got in a questionable relationship with Valdis (more on him later) Almost died in battle, was saved by Oliver and ended up recovering and having a fufilling life with Oliver that turned to marriage :D.

He's a lil sarcastic, a big heart, arsonist, selfless, pretty empathetic, likes to murder (ppl he finds irredeemable), just a caring lil guy that copes in the only ways he knows which is ofc murder, self harm (this takes a few forms) and generally getting defensive where he can turn to violence if he really thinks he's in danger (which doesnt help when he has major anxiety and ptsd)

TOYHOUSE if you want anything on tumblr, just search lily in the tags of my blog and you will not run of content on there

2. Oliver Artesia

He is a favorite but sadly doesnt reach blorbo status as lily and hero but he's up there

30 in present time, demi sexual and romantic, doesnt know he has ptsd, isolated himself for over 5 years lol

Born as a grand mage (i cant find my source talking about this so uh, basically mages here are born with 1 skill type but grand mages can learn any skill type thats all you need to know (and theyre rare)) and a branch of the Artesia Family (rant here lol). Oliver's mother always wanted a daughter and so she would dress Oliver as one, enrolled him in school as such, and prevented him from trying to question her authority or pretty much do anything himself. She was abusive and held him to high standards. This led to a lot of bullying and being unable to make any friends.

This got him to be taken into the custody of his uncle, but once he hit 18, he was enrolled into the military (war just started) as a frontline medic. He absolutely hated this job and found it pointless to save someone who will only go back out to battle. He ended up committing War Crimes by lvling a field with foe and allies, tried to cause war disruption on his own, then let himself be caught so he could be bewitched (also cant find where i talked about this but basically, their magic is nerfed and theyre unable to physically lie), he ranaway soon after and lived alone for over 5 years in a refugee village, becoming the village doctor, herbalist, and pharmacist (he isnt licensed but he knows what he's doing)

He starts off selfish, blunt in adding unnecessary details/comments, has a really cheerful and upbeat energy to him but he will say the most vile bitchy thing ever, over confident in himself, smaaallllll power complex, comforting in his gender (being male) but will roast your ass if you call him she/her (Intentionally)

TOYHOUSE he is also one you can find a lot on my tumblr if you just search up his name on my blog

3. Jonah Artesia

the fucking baby boy, protect him with all your life

around 16 in the present, queer, god someone help this kid he is drowning in anxiety, low self esteem, and separation anxiety that makes him feel like he needs to be useful

Jonah was born into a Mage Family but was given the short end of the stick by being born a Dark Mage (a magic type that is feared and pretty much banned from these mages to practice at ALL), he was abandonded when this was discovered (around the age range 10-12). Trying to live a decent life, he found himself attempting to be useful via being a guide. He makes maps and sells them, he can read the stars and find his way out of most forests and places. He was finally taken in by a group of teenagers that needed a guide, in which he fit in perfectly. He tends to keep quiet and never voices his opinions, doing anything to be a ppl pleaser in hopes they'll let him stay, which they do after they find out he's a Dark Mage.

in the future, he ends up being adopted by Lily and Oliver, growing in a healthier steady environment where they try to help him recover and grow as a well adjusted adult

he's a big doormat, way too kind and caring and way too selfless, will never speak up for himself, he just doesnt wanna be left alone again and will give up as much of himself as it takes to :(

TOYHOUSE uhh you can find some lore on him but a few of it can be dated

4. Alexander (i dont have a last name yet sobbing)

he's recently been rising in my mind lately, he is the local WHORE

currently 32, his sexuality is anyone he can have sex with lol, he copes with sex, suffers from insomnia, he makes the absolutely worst dog shit decisions when it comes to his brother its astronomical how stupid he is and how much of a King manbaby he is with the way he approaches the situation.

The first son of the royal family and elder brother of Lily, he is currently King. He is the reason lily ranaway and blames himself for the rest of his life, aiming to make it right by all means. He is a good and caring leader that attempts to listen to his people. But he's very two faced in that he's actually super tired and bitter in the inside and would throw all this away if he could. He hates his job, he hates his life, he's miserable but never lets himself show it nor change how well he does his job. Due to his first lover having been someone who only used him to steal money from him, this man has never fallen in love since. The only intimate relationship he'd have with anyone is through sex but even than its under a disguise. He has no friends, he hates other royalty and nobles, but he will never lash this out on people. The kingdom loves him and he puts on a serene and comforting smile for them to stay trustworthy and complacent.

he's very Fake nice and flirty, he tries to look under the true intentions of anyone who attempts to have a relationship with him. Hardly trusts nor listents to anyone, he's actually pretty awkward when he isn't being King or doing official business, he just really does love sex

tOYHOUSE you probably wont find anything much on him on my tumblr except from pretty dated things i probably scrapped and are no longer canon lol

5. Valdis Nevermore

this is an image of him in the future but i dont have any of the present. i would say hes a himbo but hes problematic

31, bi, hes got a hero complex, turns from occasional drinker to alcoholic real quick after certain events, complicated family relationship

Valdis is born from a family of knights, and being the eldest, he follows in the footsteps of his father and his ancestors before. He knows there is a problem in the system, but he hopes to help change it from the inside, but finds himself following their orders more than questioning them. Despite this, he does have high morals especially when it comes to treating others and commoners. He attempts not to use his status as an advantage against others. However, once he is in charge of lily during lily's time in the military, he finds his passion reignited to question leadership and develops a hero complex towards Lily, feeling as if he has to help/save him but ends up making things far worse than they should. Once lily is assumed dead, valdis deserts as a Knight, gets disowned by his family, and is on a constant run from being tracked down. Lives with regret and drowns in alcohol

He is a very helpful guy, very kind to all, and a bit of a loser lol. Charming and charismatic when he's not wallowing in pity, he really does have a good heart that is misguided.

he has no toyhouse and very little information is avaliable on tumblr

6. Lenn (might change her name so ill just keep her nickname)

i have so little woman but GOD am i gay for her, she is wife

35, lesbian, she needs time off and doesnt deserve the treatment she gets fr, get a better job or beat alexander up

a half dragon half human that was "adopted" into the royal family. It was more like taking her in when she was a child, raised as their older sister, but eventually assigned herself the role as the royal guard to the brothers once their parents passed away. She has dedicated her life in trying to protect the remaining family she has, yet it seems alexander hasn't seen her as such in a long time. He hardly listens to her advice and attempts to shoo her away with unnecessary tasks. but she wont let up, even if they no longer see her as family she will strive to protect this family from ending itself even if her worth is no longer appreciated

when around alexander she is serious, stern, and straightforward. Yet in a casual setting, she's rather quiet and wants nothing more than have a moment to relax, yet her mind can't seem to let her. It's been long since she's ever been in a relaxed setting away from the King, but she can get pretty bashful away from it all

she has no toyhouse and almost nothing on my tumblr LOL

two more before i let you choose if you wanna listen about another OC that i will just list and give even more basic information on or give yourself a mental break from the absolute OC brain i have

7. Sergio Cartias

who brought their weed dad, for some reason i have so little of him yet he is SO loved

30, uhh, i forget what its called but he likes fem presenting people regardless of gender (but he is married to someone who uses she/her). honestly my most normal guy his biggest flaw is he smokes lol.

born from a mage family (listen..i did not realize how many of my ocs come from important Line families istg this was unintentional but when put together it does not seem that way) this branch specalizes in information and history, making him following in the line and steps of becoming a professor/teacher, specifically on witches. while the job was accepted by his family, the specifications and how he teaches about witches is not. The reason being he was Oliver's only friend that really sympathized with his situation and figured bewitching a mage doesn't exactly mean they're horrible people, because he couldnt believe some of the vile shit they would say about Oliver. He lived a fairly normal life with his spouse and being a pretty great teacher that students grew to love.

He's very laid back, he really is Just A Guy but in a good way and has the least drama carrying. He sees his own family above all, but he will be there for his friends or anyone who needs him or just someone who wants to talk to someone. Oh and he's a lightning mage and knows how to use magic with just his hands! (this is relevent?? sorta?? in my lore using your hands for magic casting is the ultimate control sign, as most mages use wands or other mediums given they have easier control with them than hands which is harder to master)

he doesnt have a toyhouse either and you can find some bare minimum stuff on tumblr

the next character is from an entirely separate universe/story, as everyone above is part of the same one.

8. Hero

foaming at the mouth and rolling around the dirt he is THE blorbo right now omfg I CANNOT stop thinking about this absolute piece of shit person he is my WORST character i fucking love him rn

228 years old baby, aro/ace with extreme sex repulsion and generally physical touch repulsion, god he is so fucked up there is so much wrong with him, might have autism but unrelated to him being an asshole he just isn't neurotypical aint no fucking way (this was done unintentionally btw but certain parts of him made me realize oh, typicals do not feel or think this way usually)

Born half human/half druid, he was left abandonded in a village filled with mixed species. He never knew his parents and he was never given a name. the village he lived in was raided by knights and many kids, including himself, were captured. After captured, he went through what is known as the Hero Project, in which they aimed to find and raise the most suitable to be the kingdom's official "hero". Hero, being the most human passing, was given an advantage already. When tests were conducted, he passed with desired results (praised/rewarded for following orders unquestioningly, least hesitant to harm others) It is no surprise he was the winning candidate to be Hero. Throughout, he was still never given a name but instead called by his title once he earned it. their biggest gripe with Hero was his personality, but through time, he learned to mask his true personality and instead showed one of heroism and kindness. All his expressions were calculated depending on who he was speaking to and especially in public. However, outside of the public eye, he was a nightmare to work with

He cared for no one, he is pure selfishness, he will strike down anyone in his way and in fact enjoys killing to an addictive degree. All crimes he's ever committed were swept under the rug in order to keep his image clean, and so he knew he could get away with anything he pleased. He will torment you in any way that will gratify him and worsen you, be it physical or mental torture. He thrives on seeing the expressions of despair and betrayal. He betrays his kingdom and party members at the drop of a hat because he was simply bored. He betrayed the only person that he somewhat cared for because he refused to change, continuing a campaign of destruction as he used his status as Hero to confuse those who haven't heard the news of his betrayal.

He's cynical, calculating, and will do anything to let himself stay in control of his life

TOYHOUSE there is also so much more lore on toyhouse but ive dropped quite a bit on my tumblr recently

Time for speed rundowns:

Peter/Petros/Petra: The leader of golems that will do all in their power to ensure they thrive. the oldest golem that has little hope for humans, but isn't stubborn enough to put their people in jeopardy over them

Jairo Torrance: A farmer that is currently the closest to a friend Oliver has. He is generally nice but dislikes Lily given he was there when lily temporarily ruled the kingdom

Diene Artesia: the eldest daughter of the artesia family and the next in line as head of the family, she is a lesbian disaster and monster fucker

Azazel: a golem that is half sheep/human, he is mute and the 2nd oldest golem, but he keeps his whimsy and cares for Ophiuchus

Ophiuchus: a golem that follows azazel around, he helps communicate to others what azazel attempts to say and keeps him company and protection

-

Caide/Mushi: a demon working under a prince of hell, he had forgotten his purpose on the surface before coming to his senses and continuing the plan they had set in motion

Dylan: a half demon/human who was named "Demon Lord" by humans despite being far from it, he wishes to leave in peace but when push came to shove, he will do what must be done

[harpieisthecarpie]

posts about misha collins being so wacky and standing up against the cw to fight for gay shipping rights have felt a bit off to me for a while (esp recently), bc he really isn't the tumblr ally ppl act like he is.

every time he trends on tumblr for loving his character's gay ship all I see is a dude that is beating a turbo dead horse for a shred of relevancy

but reading his 2021 poetry collection (outloud to the friends I trapped in a vc) really made me understand and feel it (hatred) more, I think?

Because this man dedicated this collection to his kids but spends the entire first section rambling about his crumbling marriage and how much he loves his (now former) wife despite their distance (in the acknowledgments at the back he says they separated).

Which seems either willfully thoughtless or intentionally manipulative.

And he'll ramble about her figure and her touch and how he misses her, but I don't know a goddamn thing he likes about her as a person.

The only actual thing I know about her (or how he sees her) is from the first poem, where she perportedly says

And his response? Depicted in a poem he wrote and chose to publish?

This doesn't even seem to be him now acknowledging his actions that led to their separation. From the rest of the poems, he does his damndest to make himself seem, if not a loving guy who makes mistakes, then at least a pitiful fool who showed his powerful love wrong.

The poem these stanzas are from, "The Kiss", is the FIRST POEM in the collection. And that poem frames this current day against when they were dating, apparently young and in love, in order to show that they were drifting.

But there is no self awareness in this, because the entire "Love Poems" section is disgustingly trite. Cloying. I would understand if these were personal poems, but he published them and dedicated that published work to his CHILDREN. Whom he mentions vaguely perhaps twice that whole section.

Speaking of children, here's a poem also in "Love Poems"

Like, okay, the most charitable explanation is that this is ANOTHER poem about his former wife (and not his alluded affairs), and she had been taking care of their kids. Which, even so, why the fuck would you write AND PUBLISH this???

The less charitable explanations seem more plausible, and either way the poem (along with his others) is misogynistic in such an upsetting way. This is the guy who's standing up for gay male rep? He can't even be normal about WOMEN. Even ONE WOMAN.

And "Tug of Woman" juxtaposed with what he aptly titled "The Last Poem" (in "The Kids" section) makes me. Ugh.

Idk man, I don't think any of us needed to read about your nipples and "grown-man arms" in a poem about your kids???

I hope it's just that he's a really bad poet. Which he is. But even without the weirdest sex poem AND the weirdest parental love poem I've ever read, I just hate this guy's vibe. And I hate how people treat him like a cutesy do-no-wrong softboy.

Anyways I just needed to rant bc I hate this guy's face now and it's tumblr's favorite so I suffer. So much. All the time.

If you wanna read terrible mangst poems, you'll find them in Some Things I Still Can't Tell You. The audiobook is even voiced by the author for added immersion!

An e-library I use had a copy, which is great bc I would rather cut off an arm than pay for the words I read.

[namuneulbo]

week ninety-nine

so close.

monday and tuesday were nothing special.

wednesday i went thrifting and i found a cute top that makes me feel so bella swan and a cute dress that makes me feel so 2014 tumblr. i wore the top to the quiz in the evening.

thursday omg. my friends were doing a concert at the same bar as where the music quiz was held. i went there w a and on the walk there i ask her if we should go see the jazz concert afterwards as well and she was like:

"yes, of course, u know whos playing, right?"

WELL, i did in fact NOT KNOW but it just happened to be w on the drums. bro i was so excited. we went to see my friends concert and it was great and ended in a mosh pit so it was quite the change walking into the jazz gig afterwards.

they had already started playing when we go there but it was fine. we didnt get a close-up seat but i could stare at w from afar. it was funny bc when s arrived we just exchanged this glance of like:

"oh, we both know why IM here." the performance felt quite short but yk, we also arrived a little late. after the performance there was a jam, as per usual. w sat w his parents and some others, im assuming relatives, and also d (and k for a bit???).

yadayada i sat down w a, a, l and v closer to the front and then i saw w standing w´by the table l was sitting at but talking w b, k and t. i move over there since i knew it wouldnt be too obvious since me and l r friends. i barely look at him bc hes so close yk but UGHHHH he was like resting his hands on the table and leaning. idk how to describe it but yk standing but leaning and his sleeves were rolled up. dead.

anyways both c and l were leaving and i tried begging them to stay while w was there but they ended up just being like:

"no, girl, just talk to him instead."

i end up moving back to sit w a and l. a and v had left by now too. ws standing by himself and a immediately tells l to invite him over and he invites w to sit w us and points to a seat next to me. he sits down on the other available seat though lol i dont blame him since it was closer so it was more logical.

l and w talk briefly in-between watching the jam session and then w just drops a "i just realized i havent had any dinner today" and we start talking about going out to eat. we were discussing whether we should go to the grill or mcdonalds. mcdonalds is a bit outside of town and only the drive-thrus open that late but w did offer us going w him in his car but we ended up going to the grill. i wouldnt have minded sitting in his car though hehe.

me, a and l leave to go get our coats and w left behind for a bit to go pick up his cymbals and his bag. me and a freak out a tiny bit on my behalf before he joined us again. we left and i was so... omg? the entire walk there and i message l being like "OMGOMGOMG". on the way there w meets a bunch of ppl he knows and he starts play fighting w a. it was quite cute.

when we were nearing the grill i became ever so slightly more comfy to talk after i made a joke he laughed at. we were talking about how much food he could get if he just handed them his bag of cymbals and silly me said he could get lots of shrimps and rice. it sounds so dumb to like explain in such detail things i remember him or me saying but like,,, im gonna do it in detail anyways bc i want to remember it when im seventy and i look back at these posts (if tumblrs still a thing by then).

we all order food and he orders such a dad meal but ig its quite cute when he does it. we bonded over dips bc we had the same fav and the same least fav. we both love béarnaise and hate oriental lol. then b showed up and we invited him to eat w us so we had to wait longer so his food would be ready as well. i didnt mind ofc.

we started talking ab hans zimmer which led w to a passionate rant thanks to him being a zimmer fanatic. then that led to a film bro talk that initially made fun of how film bros act ab shots and stuff just for him to start doing exactly that dgjslkfj it was funny bc he was like listing famous movie scenes being like:

"and u know the story ab this shot, right?" until he reached one that we actually didnt know and he was like "oh okay then let me film bro real quick *proceeds to explain how that scene was shot*"

im afraid i really like film bros. i think its so cute when they get all passionate about it TT

i dont think ill go TOO into detail ab each tiny thing he said bc i already have a note in my phone of everything i remember TT am i manic?

we got our food and we went to campus to eat it. he went by the basement to put away his cymbals while us others went to the cafeteria. we went to sit down and a went to sit right next to me but l whispered like:

"no! move over! leave that seat empty!" wanting w to sit down next to me naturally. hes an ally ! anyways i did like a short joke ab how hed probably sit down on the opposite side and l laughed and was like "oh yeah, he probably will" and yup, he did. it was quite funny bc i havent told b i like w but if it wasnt obvious by now idk what.

we sat eating together for like an hour and i was so happy to get a reason to stare at him attentively wo it being weird bc yk,,, just watching him from afar and stuff can be pretty weird TT but like actually getting to have eye contact w him and stuff AHHHH!!!

b left first and us others were left sitting for a bit. i thought we were all going home until a whispers to me like "l, hes coming to the bar!!!" which was a big surprise bc like ive mentioned before, hes v rarely at the bar. hes been there more recently though which is fun.

we walk to the bar together and ahhh so happy hihi but we split up quite early on as he goes to his classmates and i felt to awkward to join him. after going outside rq i caught up w s for a bit before walking back in and joining w and some others who i knew. later we were left alone near the bar and bro it was so awkward and later a steals his cap and puts it on her head and i just awkwardly drop the worst line of my life:

"looking fresh."

i actually cant, ive been thinking ab it ever since... WHY TF WOULD I SAY THAT???

okay anyways i wanna forget ab it truly.

later on i joined a and her friends and omg... she asked me if she could wear my glasses and i let her and then she moved over to me and was like:

"i feel like a sexy substitute teacher," then she caresses my shoulder and chest and lightly grabs my shirt and goes:

"hm, u havent done ur homework~ what should we do about that~?"

AND BRO MY GAY ASS... i literally melted... that was like the hottest thing someones ever said and done to me. def up there w the time i cuffed me. she did apologize quickly for touching my chest but i said it was fine (WHICH IT VERY MUCH WAS!). then she pulled me into the bathroom and we talked for quite a while. shes so nice TT

when i got back w was gone.

next day, friday. we celebrate bs 18th bday. once getting to the bar we sit outside and i was so happy actually. like the conversation was so good and i was becoming the perfect level of drunk. i was sitting w my back towards the bar and c just looks at me and points behind me and mouths a quiet "look."

i turn around AND WHO DO I SEE? w. i literally look back in shock w my hand in front of my agape mouth and v goes:

"what, what happened?"

and i go like:

"omg, i havent told u i think" and i lean in and just "i like w" and then do little drum motions w my hand to like clarify which one i mean and his immediate reactions like "AIGHT, give me a minute" and he stands up. he was joking ofc and sat back down then genuinely asks me if i want him to wingman me. i consider it and i said he could go talk to him but dont like directly say i like him and he proceeds to go and talk to him twice i think?? it was funny. i told him he could wingman me next time for sure.

i never end up talking to w that night but i did end up telling a about it when i was walking around to bar to find him. i just walk up to her like:

"i was looking for w but he seems to have left."

then i proceed to tell her that i like him and thats why i was looking for him and her replys the cutest thing ever. she just starts telling me how im so cute and how hes so sweet and would be a great boyf and that i should so talk to him and AHHH I LOVE HER. feeding my delusions sm i love her. then she genuinely goes like:

"should we go look for him?"

i just tell her hes left bc i havent seen him but i told her quickly ab our little hangout from the day before and she was so excited ab it.

then nothing else of important note has happened this weekend. i dropped the story ab o to e and s. e on friday and s asked me ab it on saturday and it was so funny hearing ab him from their perspective. we all ended up agreeing that hes nice but def a bit,,,, weird and has some questionable traits.

ive been trying to figure out how to incorporate quotes into these texts wo it looking dumb and its so hard. i know how to use quotation marks in like,, fiction context but idk the proper grammar rules on how to use it while quoting ppl mid-story.

sotw: david bowie - criminal world

[awsugar]

I don’t understand why some big mcr blogs slate anyone who believes gerard and frank had a thing, like our view didn’t arise from nowhere there’s clearly evidence that has led us to think this. I get disliking those who push frerard in frank and Gerard’s faces (barely anyone does this nowadays) but slating people for believing they had something in the past is kinda ridiculous imo. Franks solo music speaks volumes but if you read into it you’re demonised as a frerardie

mmmmm am i down to clown today... ok i will speak.

actually im going to put this under a cut bc my last ask was a long one and i feel like i am going to talk about this for way too long bc its 1am and im honestly a little tipsy.

note: i just finished answering this it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time and i dont think the person who asked this is even going to read it but i apparently have a lot of thoughts and no one ever wants to listen to me lol 

firstable yea actually unfortunately anytime they do a livestream, or anytime anyone SOMEHOW RELATED to them does a livestream. there are ppl in the chat talking about frerard. they both have comments off on insta now, i didnt actually read the comments that much and franks have been off for ages but im positive there were people in the comments talking about frerard. i mean fuck, franks LAST tweet he qrted someone who tagged him in the replies of a pic of The Kiss. so i mean yea its definitely not a majority but it still happens extremely frequently.

this is like. genuinely really funny to me bc im sure frank didnt see it, i think he knows enough not to look at the chat for the most part. but the moral is that its 2021 and people STILL dont know how to act. i wont go on about it but it actively enrages me anytime i watch a stream. rule one of real person fandoms is keep all that shit in your fan spaces. which is actually why i prefer tumblr. none of them are on here. actively engaging in mcr fandom on twitter is too close for comfort, especially since frank follows a handful of my friends and also like. knows me.

so like moral of my most times unavoidable wall of text is that ppl are right to be frustrated with the fans who act this way. i am extremely frustrated with them. and i think for the people who have never like tinhatted or anything, this type of behavior stands out and makes an impression and becomes the like. poster child for ppl who are like 'hmmmmm but what if.' about the frank and gerard stuff.

anyway, moving on, i think a lot of peoples hang up is that they view it as rpf. which i have a couple things to say about actually. its no secret that i have read a lot of rpf. i had never heard of fanfiction until i started getting into mcr in 2008. that was my introduction. and at the time, in that community, it was completely normal. and it was for a loooooooooong time. i knew of people who didnt read fic or felt weird about it but the majority of people i interacted with DID read fic. and on top of that, the people who didn;t were nothing like they are today. we all got along. no one was like demonizing people who did read fic. in 2012 when i think mcr tumblr was at its peak, ALL of the most popular blogs were "frerardies" (hate that term). they all talked about and recced fic and a lot of them wrote it too. everyone had a boyfriends tag. anyway when i came BACK to the mcr fandom in 2016 after a couple years away post-breakup it was still like that. people talked about fic all the time and you didnt have to like, hide it in fear of being labeled as a terrible person.

i always discussed this stuff, fic and theories, openly on this blog. for YEARS. the first time i noticed the rpf shift was 2019 tbh, when my blog was suspended and i (not related) had a mental health crisis and i spent a handful of months off tumblr, when i remade on a different blog suddenly it seemed like people were like noooo you cant talk about that. ppl who read fic are disgusting. if you think something happened between them you're homophobic. i was like honestly baffled bc i didnt know how it had seemingly changed so much in a matter of like 4 months or so. but thats the society we live in now lmao.

anyway the other thing about rpf is that i think most of these people are hypocrites. bc almost everyone makes an exception for unholyverse. theyre like ok i will dabble in the most popular fic and see what its about while still demonizing the people who read OTHER fics. like ugh.

also i have noticed its an age thing. a lot of the time. almost every mcr fan i personally interact with or know, which is a lot of people, read fic, used to read fic and just sort of grew out of it, and/or (usually and) believe something happened between them. but everyone i interact with is an adult and all of my closer friends are long time mcr fans like me. i feel like the percentage of fans who are minors who are extremely anti-rpf is way higher than the percentage of adults. and i think thats just due to the fan culture we grew up with and the fact that young people a lot of times are like..it seems very performative in an attempt to be the least problematic person that ever lived.

also random side note its really funny to keep updated with this debate on twitter. they literally yoyo there. frerard is ok on a bi-weekly basis.

anyway back to what i was originally saying which was that people view tinhatting as rpf and therefor not okay. which like idk maybe i sound crazy but i also always said this when i was in the phandom and discussing like dan and phil and whether or not they were soulmates before they came out, i don't think tinhatting is rpf. or like. idk theres a part of me that can see why people think rpf is a bad thing even though if i was famous i wouldnt care if people wrote fics about me. but like. analyzying the real life things that people have done and said in public (important). in order to try to contextualize their relationship or understand that dynamic better. well i mean first of all its not fiction. but like i do think its a lot different than writing explicit bdsm fic about them.

and i know a lot of the people on here who dont like actively participate in these conversations do like. see where we're coming from. with the frank lyrics and millions and like all of that stuff. they just dont talk about it. i mean *I* have stopped mostly talking about it at all unless its vague, due to the current climate and opinion. and sometimes we'll all have a moment of hysteria where we've all decided its ok to speak about. me right now apparently.

anyway im positive no one read all of this. i need to learn how to be brief but ive been saying that my whole life. but you're right. to me its clear that there's a bigger story behind it than frank and gerard just being buddies who were in a band together. a logical conclusion. and i wish we could just all get along again instead of people being sooooo mad about it.

[fuckyeahmercury]

Wow… OK, I have an idea what this is about. A few weeks ago I called out some fans who are using those “beauty HD filters” on Freddie/Queen photos, which make them look like a completely different person.  Both posts can be read here and here.

So, I’m just going to begin from the start: “Your edits aren’t so fucking great!” – You’re right, I agree. You know why that is? It’s because I don’t make ~edits~. I find or scan the photo as it is and just post it. It’s really that simple! I don’t feel the need to remove wrinkles, pimples or facial hair off of Freddie Mercury. I also don’t think I need to make him look younger or completely unrecognizable. He is perfect as he already is in the original photo. “What do you get out of bashing someone else’s creations?” – It was hardly bashing, I was stating my opinion without insulting anyone on a personal level (which is what you just did) and I was glad to learn that a lot of other fans do not approve of filtered Queen photos either. If there’s something I dislike and I’m a part of it, I will speak up. Besides, I am sure I can say whatever I want on my own blog, thank you very much. “Nothing worse than a bully and someone who can’t say it directly to someone because they are afraid of getting their feelings hurt like a little baby…”. – I was pretty direct, I literally stated my own opinion on my own blog. Besides, you do realize you wrote this question as anonymous? So, I don’t think I’m the one afraid of getting my feelings hurt by a random stranger on the internet. “You’re probably ugly, fat, pim ppl led, and dirty sitting behind your computer screen reblogging other people’s things all day. You’re disgusting, have no respect or manners, and are a boring twat.” – Yes, you’re totally right about everything, if it makes you happy… By the way, have you ever heard of ‘Queue’ option? “The band would not approve if they knew you were a keyboard jockey. Say it to their face next time.” – Sorry, this part confuses me. “Go to hell you tiny brained little child.” – Me, a child. No, in fact I’m too old for this. I spent the last 2 days, contemplating if your ugly messages are even worthy of my reply. ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ Here’s the thing about these edits and I will once again post some examples. In the past few months, checking the #freddiemercury tag on Instagram or Tumblr is just painful; when majority of popular posts on Freddie fan pages look like this:

I think you don’t have to be a die-hard Freddie fan to notice that these look nothing like the real Freddie Mercury. And this is what I spoke up about, this current trend I’m seeing everywhere, the trend of “enhancing” old low-quality Queen photos into “HD” which doesn’t really make the photos look HD anyway. What it does is makes the photo completely smooth and unrealistically polished while at the same time the peoples appearance in the photo (in this case Freddie’s) completely changes. I hate these edits because there is nothing creative about them. It’s not a colorful creation or a gif. How I see it, it’s a complete violation – you’re literally changing a persons original appearance and I don’t think it should be happening. Let people be genuine because these kind of edits have nothing to do with reality.  I am totally against it and anyone who reads this can feel free to disagree or unfollow. I’ve been running this blog for almost 8 years and I’ve seen a lot of Queen photos, videos, gifs, rare stuff, you name it. I have seen enough to know that this is not what Freddie actually looked like. It’s pointless, unnecessary and just plain disrespectful to him. 

To anon: even though I know who you are, I choose not to mention or expose you on my blog. The difference between you and me is that I would never insult someone’s appearance, mentality or intelligence just because they have an opinion. What I wrote here concerns everyone who makes these edits, not just you. 

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this. ✌️

[crollalanzaa]

My Haikyuu Thoughts

(reposted from twitter)

I started the manga 23/6/14 largely because there was a void left by me falling out of HP which RL and PJO wasn’t filling. I saw Hinata art on viria’s tumblr and was, ‘oh, who he?’  I think I watched a bit of the anime but had not thought much of it ???

So there was this kid who was irritatingly enthusiastic and embarrassingly bad at volleyball and it was all the cringe making stuff I hate because I’m not into vicarious humiliation, but as I read on, and he hit that perfect shot and yelled ‘ALL RIIIIIGHT!’ I was almost hooked.

Then he appeared and you know who I mean. It wasn’t the appearance at the middle school match but turning up at the gym, realising his place was now under threat, but going out of his way to make sure the two idiots bonded on court.

I was intrigued and more than a little koo-koo  over Suga, but still not absolutely hooked. The point where I knew this was not only my thing but a story which was going to reel me in was the Neighbourhood match. The drama of the Asahi/Suga/Nishinoya dynamic was one thing. Asahi calling for the toss still sends shivers up and down my spine and yet ... what hooked me was the adults leaving the match, their conversation as they went back to their normal lives They laughed with fondness and nostalgia about the drama of HS volleyball and   as an adult reading that, it suddenly transcended the kids/teen lit I’d thought it would be (nothing wrong with that -I often prefer this genre because books written for my demographic I find samey and overly romance or abuse based) because we had normal people like me who’d left their HS dreams in the gym (or the drama studio for me) but were happy(ish) in their everyday lives and enthusiastic about volleyball as a hobby. When Shimada put himself out to help Yamaguchi. When Saeko put herself out to get the idiots to Tokyo, it felt like they were falling for these kids and this team like me.

Reel back a bit. Hq had been going for two years when I jumped in. I binge read everything in two days, finishing at 112 (I think). Back in the day, my friend, we were relying on fan translations. There was no official site, and the translators did it all for love,  which was wonderful but there was a lot of debate about reading for free and waiting for the translation could be tortuous. I wanted to support Furudate but couldn’t buy the physical copies. It was suggested at one point that Eng speaking fans shouldn’t be a part of the fandom  - not by anyone remotely official, you understand -  but that was the state of things in 2014. I bought official merch instead and watched the anime while I waited for 113 to drop.

So forward to 117. If you ever want to know why I still catch my breath and laugh a little at the Daichi Dead moment it’s because we all had to wait for what seemed like twenty years to find out what the high heck was wrong with him. I genuinely thought he’d wrecked his shoulder and was distraught because there was no way they’d win everything with the Captain out!

(Of course I had no real idea about Ennoshita stepping up to the plate, but that’s another story) The discovery it was a tooth had me SCREECHING! So relieved. I yelled to one of my first hq friends (who’s now deactivated) and then casually went to France with friends -hahaha.

I’ve done complete 180s on so many characters now that it’s safe to say I never trust the initial narrative Kags, Tsukki, Yams (come on, he was Tsukki’s mate giggling in corners over Hinata’s ineptitude. It was only when he saw what Hinata could do he stopped being a sock puppet).  

 The biggest turn around was on Oikawa who I hated to the point where I threw things at my laptop when he appeared. It wasn’t so much him as everyone going ka-ka over him which pissed off my withered adult heart. What changed was forcing myself to write him for an IwaOi week. I reread/rewatched his story and through Hajime’s eyes I began to appreciate him. I wrote Philos as an Achilles/Patroclus reincarnation type fic and that led on and on. And this is what Furudate does so well. Gives you a ‘villain’ then adds the backstory so they’re a hero.

Disliked Tendou, too but his Farewell My Paradise, his acceptance of defeat and the way he was such a good sport about it, made me gasp. And I love love love his new career.

It’s the appreciation of amazing play by the opposition which made me fall hard for Inarizaki and Atsumu. (Look at him here! Punt him out the f*cking window!) I’d learnt not to automatically hate anyone, so I reserved judgment. Moment I decided I liked him? Setting for Kags.

Moment I decided I loved him - getting laughed at by Osamu.

Before this turns into an Atsumu appreciation thread, let me tell you about the characters I was indifferent to but then warmed towards. The main one was because one of my earliest hq friends (yes, you Megan) likes him and through her eyes I started to appreciate the hngg that is Konoha Akinori 

When I first started reading hq, I did some searches on tumblr and came across quite explicit Kuroken fanart, so I was understandably nervous meeting those Nekoma boys.   Although I’m still ultra fond of the kurokens I wrote, hindsight is a dreadful thing when you see how off your assumptions and hcs were. But in retrospect I don’t think anyone envisaged quite how dorky and shy Kuroo had been as a boy. The error I laugh over the most is somehow transplanting Yaku’s personality into Kai and vice versa, but that’s what happens when you write before canon is done. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Could I have held off writing for six years - nyope. Not a chance. Watching the story unfold, week after week, year after year has honestly been the happiest part of my life. Is that sad? Is it melodramatic? 

Perhaps. But it has brought me so much apart from a fantastic story. Found friends. A shelter from when real life’s shit. And so many laughs. I still on occasion burst out laughing in the street when I think about Hinata forgetting to spike, or a daft hc shared on twitter. Still sigh a little over the ppl who said they’d leave when their team lost. Remember the time I was warned not to celebrate the Crows winning because it would upset the Seijou fans. I restricted myself to a brief yay then deleted. All nonsense, because most of the Seijou fans I was friendly with accepted the narrative with a bit of wistfulness and looked forward to the next chapter. And for those who wept that Oikawa ‘deserved to win’ they received their own message from Tooru that his ‘worthless pride’ meant something and he was still a winner! 

Oikawa Tooru’s journey perfectly illustrated the idea that your life doesn’t end at High School, that your path is never fixed, and you’re not only made of your achievements but perhaps more so by the doubts and failures. We saw that more recently with the strongest player    Ushijima Wakatoshi whose recent backstory with Iwaizumi has at last made me warm to him. (Iwa-chan has this effect!) 

 There are so many stories to relate to. So many moments. Yachi and Suga overthinking. Kiyoko finding something else she was passionate about. Asahi returning. 

You all know I write and some of you know I’m an amateur actor - both of these rely on a certain amount of internal motivation but also external validation. What if the story flops? What if I dry on stage? ‘What if’ can become a never-ending mantra. So when Hirugami’s story appeared, where despite being amazing at volleyball it was making him miserable, until Hoshiumi suggested he could quit and that freed him - it sang to me.  I’ve been through ups and downs with writing, and much as I love acting it can takeover especially the worry that you’ll fuck up. I know I won’t set the world alight and that used to ‘Concern’ me, but partly thanks to this story and also my hq tl, I’ve realised it’s  unimportant.

If I fuck up on stage, I might throw off other people, but no one will die. If no one reads my fic, I won’t die. If I never write another fic ... no one will die except for the fictional characters and my headcanons. And even then they’re still alive in my head.

And look, I have so many ppl to thank who’ve made this journey with me and supported me all the way, but I’m too scared of missing people out and in a way everyone has helped. But none more than the creator. So Thank you Furudate and Haikyuu for everything. 

Great Receive!

[hamliet]

AOT is my fav manga so far, but I just had a conflicted feeling so I thought I'd get some help. I hate all this Nazi talk surrounding AOT and I don't accept a single one. On the other hand, I feel like what Eren and Zeke are doing doesn't differ that much from mass genocide which is wrong. I know we don't have a single clue about whatever Eren's intentions are, but as the protagonist, he's been killing ppl left & right which goes totally against one's morality and it seem it's being ignored.

(Same anon) This show literally tampers with everybody's decisions whether they're good or bad ones all the time so I don't mean that it's following Nazi policy, but if we were to consider *only* Eren's horrible deeds as sth similar to Nazis massacre, does this make his friends constantly following him around and trying to help him the culprits in the same crime too? Sorry if this turned out to be long. I was so conflicted.

Don’t be sorry, you’re very polite! 

So, to quote what I said earlier about a different topic: portraying something is not akin to endorsing it. Framing matters. Like, a mystery with murder isn’t endorsing murder. And Eren, imo, is framed as wrong thus far. 

Like you, I don’t think Eren’s plans are in line with Zeke’s, but neither do I think the story is endorsing Eren’s actions. In fact, it’s outright condemning them as far as I can tell.

Every single action of Eren’s since the timeskip has led to extreme consequences that have devastated those he loves most and gone against what he previously stood for. Mikasa. Armin. Sasha is dead. Historia is still pregnant and miserable. Levi is maimed. Hange was imprisoned, Falco a titan. I therefore don’t quite agree that it’s being ignored, since everything in the story is actually addressing it via showing us how wrong it is. If the story were to suddenly switch and endorse him murdering Liberio, etc, I would personally criticize it heavily on that, but as things stand right now I don’t think that’s where it’s going. 

Eren’s friends love him. As someone who has lost relatives to a cloud of religious fundamentalism, while not the exact same, it is really, really painful. You will probably always love them, even if you despise their actions. And I think it’s clear that Connie, Jean, Armin, and Mikasa despise Eren’s actions. Mikasa told him he was irredeemable in Liberio. Connie told him Sasha was his fault. Levi kicked him and referred to him as a murderer. Armin told him he wasn’t free and he had hurt them, and even while Armin is trying to believe the best in him, he’s having flashbacks in which he realizes Eren isn’t living up to a good standard. Mikasa abandoned her scarf. It’s just not easy to say “I no longer care about you” after years of loving someone. I don’t even know if I’d say it’s right, or wrong. It’s a painful road to walk and I think each must walk their own path, often alone. 

It’s also worth noting that Eren’s friends not confronting him right away has led to major issues, so the story is kind of calling them out on not taking action before things escalated. Armin and Mikasa especially, as they wound up being verbally eviscerated and then locked up in prison. I do think the story is giving them consequences for that. That said, Eren could have confided in them, but has chosen not to. 

So, one other thing I think people are messing up in interpreting SnK is that they think showing how someone (Eren) falls into a very toxic extremist nationalist mindset is endorsing it because it also shows us the horror of having it happen to someone we, the audience, care about. It challenges the belief that these people are not human. But I hate to tell Tumblr this, but extremists absolutely were/are. That was what is so abominably chilling about them. We’d like to think of people who commit genocide as monsters from the moment of conception, as never ever having a moment where they are anything like us--but that is not the case at all. They are still people--that doesn’t mean the victimized have to like them or even care about them, but it does mean that humanity is capable of some true good and some true evil at the same time. SnK’s theme has always been that monsters are not the titans; monsters are every single human, and no human at the same time. Be careful where you tread. 

So yeah. It is tricky framing, but so far I think Isayama is doing a good job (albeit with that awful pacing keeping us out of Eren’s mind). I hope the ending keeps it up. I think Eren’s friends wanting to believe the best of him isn’t endorsing him, but is portraying humanity and relationships in an honest way. I think Armin and most of the 104th will abandon Eren at a certain point as well. 

[primeadv]

SITS DOWN

PULLS OUT 10 GIANT ALBUMS :))) 

(this came out way longer than I intended im so fuckgkdsdf sory)

How I feel about this character: EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I’M IN LOVE WIHT RATCHET. I love him in all iterations of Transformers because he’s always the tired, pragmatic one of the group. In contrast, he’s also almost tiredly optimistic in some ways. He won’t get out of bed, but if someone gets shot in the head he’ll spend however long and beyond to resuscitate them. There’s 2 halves to this--the me who identifies with the beating exhaustion he exudes, and the me who’s in awe that he’ll still fight his way through life.  I won’t... get into each continuity...because that’s too much, so I’ll stick with probably the most unpopular version of him and that’s IDW (my impression, anyway). IDW Ratchet gets a lot of flack for being way too sour and like, maybe not selfish, but uncaring. He cares! A lot! He’s always thinking about everyone in really surprisingly thoughtful ways. Like when he’s 90% sure he’ll die due to Overlord and his last words are to promote First Aid to CMO (he’s ready!! god that’s sweet), and to give his hands to Whirl (though maybe a bit blindsided, he’s paid attention to some roots of Whirl’s trauma). Or yeah he’s hella mean to Drift in the beginning, but when Drift is dying in his arms he’s scREAMING at him “you’re gonna make it! You’re gonna be fine because I’m gonna make sure you’re gonna be fine”. He can be an asshole, but he knows the time and place. Death isn’t something to play with--he’s seen probably countless friends die, and he doesn’t want that to happen again. Even now, even after the war.  So I feel very confused when ppl act like he’s this mean, cold person. He’s exTREMELY emotional. He’s probably way too invested in everyone’s lives, honestly? He interrupts a round table story for Rung just to reminisce on the veery last time he, OP, and Roller were together in the same room (not even hanging out or anything, just being together one last time. who remembers that after 5+ millions years??). He started an illegal clinic in the bad part of town because he wanted to put his skills to better use! Like! LOL.  ALSO, a point that i think is unfair is that ppl think his atheism is just really mean. IT is! But I think it shows just how much of an emotional and extremely, deeply hurt person he is. It gets aggravating when he’s condescending of religion, because there’s no simple logic to it. He reacts the way he does because he’s a hurt person who’s gone through years of trauma and this is his way of coping. Is it healthy or right? Nah, but it’s humanizing. It’s why when he becomes closer to Drift he occupies this weird between space where he snarks but also tries to indulge more in perspectives outside of his own in his own dumb old tsundere way. He’s a person who believes in justice, ultimately, and religion to him doesn’t fall under justice.  ALSO, can I say that his inability to say good byes is so.. like relatable? I have rly bad social anxiety, and so I’ve definitely ghosted people who’ve been nothing but really supportive for me. It’s not because I wanted to burn them, but it freaks you out needing to, not even say goodbye, but communicate with ppl. And for Ratchet--how many times was he FORCED to say good bye to friends + patients who were dying beyond his help? Maybe, if he could help it, he doesn’t want to say goodbye. And it’s tragic the times he’s just left, these were people who ended up either dying for falling astray into insanity, i.e., beyond his help. But he learns. He chases after Drift, who he actually said, in a way, good bye to (helping him off the floor after being attacked, also I should point out that a very tiny handful of people were comfortable interacting w/ Drift at all, and how much Ratchet just doesn’t give a shit abt how other ppl think abt him. he’ll help drift off the floor bc t’s the right thing to do). He says goodbye in his old dumb way--First Aid calls him out on it. ALSO his trust in First Aid is super cute. ALSO he’s like.. genuinely nice to Ten (he helped him get a date with Minimus!!!). And he’s not afraid to call out on other ppl’s bullshit (telling rodi straight you dont deserve to be captain which, at the time, was really true). He’s also SUPER smart. Also there’s that post on tumblr that pointed out that Ratchet immediately goes to deescalate conflict. He’s willing to put aside pride and anything if it means ultimately coming to a resolution where EVERYONE involved is safe. The only time he doesn’t is FUCKING OVERLORD who he rightfully, immediately, tries to briefly incapacitate to lockdown his medibay (protect patients/information). Ok I gotta stop I can go on forever just going page to page. Also, despite my love, I can totally point out his flaws. He’s grating when it’s unnecessary, he’s abhorrently bad at communicating, he’s privileged, he’s narrow-minded at times, etc. ec. But again what I love about him is that despite all that, he’ll throw his own self out the window for others’s well-being bc he genuinely, genuinellyyy cares about other people. If only he could care for himself //cries All the people I ship romantically with this character OH god... everyone. He’s my bicycle.  ok look, ya’ll know I’m an intense dratchet shipper and I could literally write a god damn essay. ... here’s another essay???!! So, I’ma be real, I wasn’t a super dratchet shipper before. I wasn’t anti (i have no notps), but I was just “yeah they’re cute i guess haha”. But 99.99% the reason why I ship anything is all for super cute adorable fanart. and I kept drawing them because 1) ratchet’s my fav, 2) drift is super popular so I figured I should learn to draw him. And they became the only 2 mechs I could draw. I used to be way more into Scavengers + megarod. I used to only like 1 dratchet fanfic and that’s bc it was less romantic and more plot centric (still a fav tho). Then I kept seeing cute fanart, I would read posts by other dratchet shippers too about what makes them so nice? And I was yeah.. oh yeah. And it doesn’t help that in Lost Light, drift is CONSTANTLY by Ratchet’s side. He’s constantly checking up on him and holding him and touching him, like as if Ratchet is the thing that he needs to make sure, at all costs, is safe.  In Drift’s life, Ratchet is the one who appears to him when he needs support the most but is in the most denial of it. When Drift is at the brink of death, overdosed and about to be broken apart and Orion brings him to Ratchet’s clinic. Ratchet patches him up pro-bono and tells him that he sees something special in him.  like??? can you imagine how that feels? To have no one believe in you--you don’t even believe in yourself, and yet here’s this person who tells you “you’re gonna be great”. And it totally doesn’t hit Drift in anyway, at least in a way that’s tangible to him, until much later in life. Or maybe it does (hey, how do you weave character narratives when it’s been written by like 3 different ppl shrugs). And that statement means 2 different things to them. To Drift, it’s a reminder that he’s worth something, even if it’s a sliver of nearly nothing to hold onto. To Ratchet, it’s a reminder that the greatness he saw led to the deaths of thousands of people.  HEY can you imagine this person you saved, patched up, tried to encourage, ended up being a mass serial killer in the future? (have you ever read Monster by Naoki Urusawa). Ended up killing people you loved?  So it’s no wonder that a good part of Ratchet is absolutely mad at Drift. And I think if that was all, they probably would’ve ended up being amicable. But Drift also ended up being super religious and seeing the hand and primus in everything and oh my god is this person really waxing poetry on the value of life when he, himself, shot several bullets at me at one point?  I also believe they are uncomfortably similar as they are different. The reason why they constantly butt heads is they’re two people trying to escape a past they don’t want and found complete opposite ways to cope with their losses. Drift found religion, Ratchet is gratingly pragmatic, and they see each other and go “how could this guy choose to be this way?”. I’ve heard ppl like to cite the annual as the reason why they could never work out. BUT, can I point out, that they act around each other in a way they don’t with anyone else? Drift gets SO MAD. Ratchet gets extremely talkative and incredibly personal (pulled out an electro slug from someone’s spark, holy shit that fucking traumatized you didn’t it??). They challenge each other emotionally, and it’s so fucking difficult bc they’re both extremely depressed and suffer from PTSD and would probably rather just go on their dumb space adventure and look at stars--take 2 emotionally constipated idiots and you get them. And hell no, don’t tell me Drift is in-tune with his feelings bc he’s 10000% not. He uses religion to cope with a past and life that he doesn’t want to think about. He tries to re-contextualize himself because he hates who he is. OUCHHH. And Ratchet MAKES him confront the parts of himself he hates--bc Ratchet has seen his worst traits and isn’t afraid to make him think about it.  So why do they work out eventually? They realize how important they are to each other. Delphi, Drift saves Ratchet’s life while he’s barely holding onto his own because he probably feels like he owes Ratchet his own life. And that’s a huge turning point in their relationship--Ratchet sees that... Drift tries really really fucking hard. My friend Zig pointed out that post-Delphi, Drift is eating energon w/ chopsticks (what a fucking nerd), and you can see in a later panel that Ratchet (who chose to sit next to Drift) is using those chopsticks too. IT’s such a small thing, but they’re becoming closer by sharing and learning from each other. And then Drift takes the fall and leaves. And Ratchet realizes just how important Drift’s presence is in his life. I mentioned it already lol but the scene where Ratchet helps Drift up off the floor and it’s superimposed with the love message Rewind left for CD. They care about each other so much!! And Ratchet chases after him!! HOLY SHIT. If that isn’t romance, what is?? lol I kid, but it’s obvious just how important Drift’s presence meant to him. IT’s really because they became so so so close in a way that can’t be described as just friends. They deeply understand each other in really uncomfortable ways and bring out the absolute worst and absolute best in each other. And this point is where Ratchet again appears when Drift doesn’t realize he needs someone in his life. Drift thinks he can be a loner and just float aimlessly and voicelessly--hell no! He needs friends, he needs community. He NEEDs belonging, because he wants to belong somewhere. And Ratchet helps bridge him back to friends and found family.  And Ratchet slowly changes the more he’s with Drift. He reads religious text and tries to brag about it bc he’s a dumb tsundere lol but he’s trying to understand Drift’s interests more even if it takes a decade and more to get there. And Drift values him for being his rock. That’s why he’s constantly making sure Ratchet is safe and unharmed, because he owes at least that much to him. And yeah they eventually fall in love because they value each other in a way they haven’t anyone else. IM EMO I CAN GO ONE, this all probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense but yeah. I’m just so soft to the fact that they’re horribly hurt people who don’t know how to redirect their pain, but by being together they come out healthier and more confident. IT’S RLY ROMANTIC IDKKK My non-romantic OTP for this character As much as I also love OpRatch, they are also great best friend platonic ship. They know each other best, they’ve been through SO MUCH together. It’s honestly a shame they barely interact in IDW bc the small tidbits we have, they obviously deeply respect each other’s opinions and deeply value the relationship they’ve had over the past millions of years.  I’m also all for non-romanceOTP for dratchet because I can totally imagine they go to each other to talk about things they feel uncomfortable sharing with others (they’ve seen the absolute worst of each other afterall).  My unpopular opinion about this character I don’t... think I ahve one. Some ppl view my love for his as grating lol.  One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Medic spin off.

[ashleyomidi]

So..

Today at work I had another opportunity to share what God is calling me to do in my life and my coworker gave me this wonderful idea to write a blog after I told her that He led me to book a one-way ticket to LA on my birthday. (S/O to Alison Shine 🤗)

But let’s backtrack a little.

A month ago -April 4th to be exact- is where I got to have more of a 1-on-1 convo on set with Noah Centineo since they had us standing right next to each other. Before this day, we had a few interactions on set but never did I get a chance to actually get to know him a bit.

Funny enough, I actually wanted to hate him after this day because I personally get to know people by asking them questions and he didn’t ask me ANYTHING back to do the same ☹️ I was so upset because I see everyone, no matter how big of a platform you have, as regular people. I refuse to be seen as less than just because of how many people know you 😭 like dang. Anyways, I just wish he saw me as a regular girl but I can’t blame him because if I was famous, I wouldn’t know if people genuinely cared about me either.

BUT THEN, I think the Lord did this- at home I was on YouTube and an interview of Noah popped up on my home page and I clicked “not interested” so it could leave my screen lol 💀 and it did, BUT THEN the audio played in the background somehow so I had no choice but to watch it 🙄😒.

It’s a good thing I did though because in the interview I learned that 1: he said as he gets more famous he needs to be more guarded (which I totally understand bc ppl be fake) 2: he would never date a fan, and 3: he said ppl wouldn’t talk to him if he wasn’t in movies.

So tryna be in his shoes and look at his POV, I understood why he acted the way he did with me even tho (idk if he felt the same) but I felt mad chemistry 😩 (the other background actors beside me said he kept looking at me when I was looking down as he was telling everyone riddles but who knows really 🤷🏾‍♀️).

If he was just a regular guy I would totally hit him up and ask him to chill w me 😭💔 (and y’all are probably like who wouldn’t 🙄😒 tru tho 😑) but ugh he’s everything I look for in a boy. He is SO humble (best trait in a human being ever btw ✨ but v rare), genuine, and wise (I get bored reAL QUICK if you don’t stimulate my mind haha 💀 my last 2 bfs were potheads so ya lol smh 🤦🏾‍♀️)

After watching several more of his interviews on YouTube, I was totally in love ahahaha 🙃🙂🙃🙂. Maaan . I was like Ash chill 🙄 you haven’t even had a real convo w this boy loolol.

During my quiet times with the Lord all I could think about was Noah. Which was very weird to me because I was in a season where it was just me and God and I was honestly so content with dying and not getting married bc I just couldn’t see myself with any guy. There was no one that I knew that could stimulate my mind nor loved God as much as I did. (Idk if Noah is saved and knows Jesus personally himself but he says he’s spiritual -idk what that means yet- and I love the fact that he makes sure he doesn’t conform to the rest of the immorality of this world. He keeps to himself by spending a lot of time alone, making sure he doesn’t change who he is- like society does and wants everyone else to do).

Everyday, Noah was constantly on my heart and consumed the majority of my mind. I just wanted one more day to get to know him or even ask him out 😭. Bc this was so unsual for me to have someone I barely knew to be on my mind, I did keep asking God if Noah was an idol and if I was no longer keeping Him first. But He led me to read Debi Pearl’s “Preparing to Be a Help Meet” and from that point on, I knew God was calling me to be Noah’s help meet.

In mid April, I assumed I was going to meet Noah on set again since God revealed to me that this was what He saw was right.. but no. Instead, it’s been almost a month and a half now since that day we interacted on set and I’ve been completely antsyYyy y’all 🙃. I’d say it’s been horrible but He’s been teaching me so so much. About myself, about people, life, and even potential obstacles I may face if He was calling me to be Noah’s wife especially at this young age. Like what.. thinking of marriage at 20 years old ?? Excuse me. That ain’t me .

Last Friday, on May 10th I booked a one-way ticket to LA for my birthday on May 26th and I don’t even know how to feel about it even though it’s always been my dream place to live and breathe 😭😩💕.

As of now, I have way too many concerns. 1) Noah had told me that they’d be here filming until probably mid May and it’s now May 15th and I still haven’t been called to set ever since April 4th- the last time I saw him. 2) I’ve been waiting to meet him again and ask him out on a date ever since then so why would I go to LA if I’m not going there to spend time with him 😭 3) I have yet to book accomodations because God did not tell me to do so.. I think He wants me to stay with Noah since He’s already calling us into marriage.. and 4) this means I have 11 more days to wait on God and watch Him orchestrate something so good that only His Hand can do. I’m SO scared yet excited at the same time 😭😭😭😩.

Updates coming soon 🌊

Made a new tumblr account today (May 15th) for this reason and I pray that more people come to Christ because of being witnesses of what the wonderful God is doing in my life. May You be given all the glory Father 😊💖 Amen.

P.S. i didn’t mean to reblog my own post idk how to undo it 💀

[janiedean]

(1) Can I just say I hate all this Freddie Mercury biopic wank with a passion? Like, this hellsite went from "Queen is one of those boring 'classic' bands all whites are obsessed with bc they won't even consider new music by diverse artists u.u" to "WWRY is clearly a song about rebellious queer youth, cishets don't touch Queen u.u" after someone pointed out Freddie's ethnicity and sexuality, to "why aren't they making Freddie gay in the biopic!!!11" and... whatever they're whining about now.

(2) And I HATE looking at all this bs and thinking "fake fans", bc I'm pretty damn sure that by most standards, *I* count as a "fake fan", too. I mean, most stuff I know about the band's history is actually stuff about Freddie, thanks to a few documentaries centered around him and my mom, the long-time fan with a big crush on Freddie who introduced me to Queen when I was a kid. Hell, I couldn't even name all their albums or anything needed to be considered a "true fan". But ppl on here... ugh. (3) It's like they're really embarrassed bc they were called out on mistaking "woke" stuff for "unwoke" stuff, and now they have this desperate need to prove their ability to discern wokeness by getting offended about something they don't even care all that much about, as loudly and dramatically as they can.

HAHAHAHAHA.

okay so, tldr: I hate this discourse and I honestly hope that it dies within two weeks out of the biopic for a whole lot of reasons amongst which the ones you said, but like, this discourse actually highlights a shitload of issues with the usual tumblr discourse which I will gladly go into now because I’m fucking tired and this movie isn’t out yet.

now, premise: while I don’t think that true fans are a thing - at most there’s casual fans or in-depth fans but I mean, a fan is a fan so I don’t believe in the *fake* fans thing..... the problem here isn’t that they’re fakes. it’s that they aren’t fans. period.

other premise: from what you’ve said you’re a casual fan which is normal and you DON’T count as fake I mean if you like them and listen to them and know something it’s basically being a casual fan same as I am with idk the rolling stones, I like the famous stuff, I have the fundamental records and I like them when they’re on but that’s it.

but, yours truly is a Not Casual Queen Fan in the sense that a) I got into them when I was seventeen and I’m thirty now so thanks it’s been a while, b) I own all the records, c) I own a decent portion of roger taylor’s/brian may’s solo records (and I have listened to all of them that I couldn’t buy), d) I went to see them live once (k it was with paul rodgers but nvm guys not my fault if I wasn’t born in time for freddie) and I love queen’s music and I’m also fucking cishet and you know what? these people Are Not Fans and they should stop pretending they are and just stop making themselves look like assholes.

SPECIFICALLY:

the movie’s not out yet and I’ve had to see FIFTEEN ‘FRIENDLY REMINDER TO ALL CISHETS THAT FREDDIE MERCURY WAS GAY (at least a couple said he was bi and they were less asshole-ish) AND POC AND IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’D BETTER LEARN NOW HAHAHAHA YOU THOUGHT HE WASN’T. spoilers: every fucking casual queen fan who has bothered to buy three records knows that. yes, also the cishets. like, as someone who went from VERY CASUAL (ie: I know three songs) to NOT CASUAL in the span of two months I can 100% assure you that before getting into queen the usual preconceptions are that freddie was gay and that queen = freddie + three other people. the first three things you learn when getting into queen are (more or less in order but it can change) that a) the band was actually brian may + roger taylor first, b) that roger brought freddie in because they knew each other already, c) that mary austin was a fundamental person in freddie’s life and that she was also brian may’s ex and knew him first before they got together, d) the members’s backstories including where freddie was born, so like...... this idea that CASUAL CISHET FANS wouldn’t know that freddie was a) not heterosexual, b) poc is just something a NON-FAN would say because guess what, most queen fans even at a casual level are 100% aware that freddie was a) not heterosexual, b) not ethnical british. and saying that OMG CISHETS DON’T KNOW it’s ridiculous because guess what, everyone knows and if they have no idea they do, though luck, we did;

(spoilers: I also am 99% sure that those ppl have no idea that roger and brian actually sing on the records and composed a shitload of the music and queen =/= ONLY FREDDIE but okay)

they have no idea that rock music in the 70s/80s was not so heteronormative and was not the cishetmalething they think it is. like, please look at led zeppelin (ie THE PEOPLE WITHOUT WHOM YOU WOULDN’T HAVE HEAVY METAL) and tell me they were heteronormative. like, you saw robert plant? yeah, me too. and the thing was that queen were revolutionary in the sense that they brought an operatic/theatrical approach to the music that no one tried before but guess what, the point is that they made it sell. the thing that I would like tumblr Woke People to grasp is that what made queen groundbreaking as far as Wokeness goes is that they managed to sell and become the monster-moneymaking group they were (while keeping things quality) with a frontman who was Not Heterosexual, Did Not Try To Pass For Heterosexual One Day In His Life and Never Shied Away From It. like, idk if people are aware that while the scene was way less heteronormative than they think it still wasn’t the most openly talked about topic around (I mean guys elton john did marry a woman at some point X°DDD), but going around in the seventies flaunting your non-heterosexualness around and selling millions of copies making your stage persona a selling point of your music wasn’t exactly common. like ffs one of the most famous queen songs has a video where for 3/4 of the time they’re in drag and the other part has freddie performing with the royal ballet (and guess what the song was actually written by john deacon and the idea of doing the video in drag was roger taylor’s and none of them as far as we know is Not Heterosexual, but never mind giving the rest of the band some credit when it came to Not Caring About Heteronormativity) and fine, that video was banned/controversial, but it still was a huge british hit and it’s in the top five queen songs Everyone Knows. and tbh I’m terrified of that video being shown in the biopic (which it should since the works was from ‘84 and they stop at ‘85) because I’m 100% sure that those people have no idea it exists and when they find out how long is it gonna take them to decide that IT’S PROBLEMATIC? I mean, Woke Kids on here think the rhps is problematic, I’m shuddering at the thought of what they’d think of the i want to break free video;

actually a lot of us cishet queen fans might have had a wake up call including, er, finding out certain preferences, thanks to either their music or their shows or their videos (*cough* I 100% assure you that watching roger taylor in drag was what made me realize crossdressing was my thing for good like I knew before but I didn’t actually put two and two together until I saw that video and went like ‘............. AH WELL SHIT THEN THAT’S IT FAIR ENOUGH’), and a lot of us cishet queen fans who weren’t, like, strictly playing to heteronormative rules back in the day found a lot to relate to in their music even without being queer ourselves and guess what I’ve never met a single queen *fan* who could give less of a damn about freddie’s ethnicity or orientation (as in: everyone was a-okay with it) regardless of their background. that was what made them groundbreaking and extremely important as well, because they managed to be that kind of record-selling records-breaking band while not shying away from having a Not Heterosexual frontman AND Not Heteronormative Heterosexual Band Members Who Also Didn’t Give Two Fucks About Their Lead Singer’s Sexuality so going like OMG NOW WE’RE GONNA TEACH YOU THAT FREDDIE WASN’T HETEROSEXUAL BECAUSE WE’RE WOKE is ridiculous because dearest susan, we already knew and we already were woke about that and to us he was the frontman of a band we liked for a bunch of reasons;

also I don’t think people realize that freddie was a role model/example for the entire next generation of rock bands frontmen even in genres that had zilch to do with him - I mean guys AXL ROSE had a hero-worship for freddie and sang bohemian rhapsody at the freddie memorial concert WITH ELTON JOHN and grn really aren’t the same exact sphere as queen jsyk, but if you look at axl on stage esp. when he was younger? guys. it’s obvious. like you can see the influence. but lmao, now ALL the very cishet(-ish) singers who OPENLY SAID FREDDIE INFLUENCED THEM DIDN’T KNOW ACCORDING TO TUMBLR DOT COM?

LIKE, fuck’s sake, one of freddie’s major accomplishments in that sense was to ending up being a role model for younger singers in a genre where heteronormativity is way less common than everyone thinks BUT where not many people esp. back in the day would be open about their sexuality because it still was a taboo-ish thing -- like, gender roles were a lot more blurred but you wouldn’t hear many of those people admitting openly they were bi or gay or Not Heterosexual and the entirety of the rock scene especially mainstream but also not was entirely fucking aware of it, do these people think THE FANS wouldn’t?

also, we will rock you was WRITTEN BY BRIAN MAY AND IT WAS ABOUT A FUCKING ENCORE WHERE THE FANS SURPRISED THEM AT ONE SHOW IN LIKE MID-SEVENTIES which already shows that They Know Nothing because if they think freddie wrote all the queen songs then it’s already obvious they have no fucking clue about how queen worked as a band because all the members contributed something (guys john deacon wrote at least two of their major hits, roger taylor sang on all the records along with brian may and if you hear the back harmonies on ‘39 he goes way higher than freddie and a part in seaside rendezvous has both him and freddie mimicking other instruments with their voice and you wouldn’t know if no one told you first, brian may wrote a SHITLOAD of music for queen and it was an all-four effort, not just freddie + three other generic british dudes for fuck’s sake) so like, anyone saying that is already giving ample proof that they have no idea;

now of course you can interpret it as whatever the hell you want, but assuming that all of queen’s music that might relate to queer issues was written by freddie ABOUT QUEER ISSUES (this when freddie’s main topic of interest was... not really discussing his sexuality especially in the seventies like again, I want to break free is one of the queen to-go songs everyone brings up when it comes to that topic and IT WAS WRITTEN BY SOMEONE ELSE and the video concept was THANKS TO SOMEONE ELSE) just shows that a) you don’t know shit about the band’s history, b) you’re not a fan because you didn’t even bother to look it up on wiki, c) you’re trying to look woke at all costs;

they have NO FUCKING CLUE that most people in the 70s/80s/90s in the business were NOT politically correct according to their standards LIKE LITERALLY NO ONE WAS;

goes unsaid they probably haven’t listened to one full queen album from beginning to end not even the greatest hits.

tldr: I hate that they don’t seem to realize that things existed before 2005 and that music in the 70s/80s COULD and WAS diverse and *woke* already before they were even born, I hate that they decided that ALL CISHETS DIDN’T KNOW when thank you I think even my damned parents know and they don’t listen to rock music, I hate that they decided that queen APPARENTLY DIDN’T HAVE A FANBASE BEFORE THEM (lol) or that that fanbase didn’t understand them (triple-lol), I hate that they’re reducing freddie to his sexuality when he didn’t want that in the first place, I hate that they’re falling into THE MAIN MISCONCEPTION AROUND ABOUT THIS BAND as in THAT IT WAS FREDDIE + THREE OTHER PEOPLE and not an all-around group effort of people who were friends and deeply loved/respected each other and put the same share of work into it, I hate that they moment they see the movie and are introduced to the actual music/the actual story they’ll MOST LIKELY find problematic things to wank about because like hell they wouldn’t and I hate that they’re basically pretending to give a fuck about a band that I love and have loved dearly in a very non-casual way when they actually fucking don’t.

fucking hell please never let anyone make a biopic about either springsteen or led zeppelin or other people I actually like because this is bad enough, I don’t even want to think of what tumblr ppl would say if they knew anything about any rock artist of medium-large fame back in the day. peace.

[mikeshanlon]

goddd I cannot believe u have read iwwv u don't know me but for some reason we watch like.. the same shows and now books lol. anyway can I ask what were ur thoughts on the ending? like to me at least it was onvious Oliver had not done it and he wasn't gonna pull a unreliable narrator last minute (despite being an unreliable narrator) I'm talking abt the whole uhh James is a**** thing.. like what HAPPENS NEXT? is he w wren? also I feel so bad for meredith like girl love urself.. sry 4 the essay

omg yes taste!!!! Also no I’m dying to talk abt this novel so don’t apologize if anything im sorry bc I wrote way too much answering ur question LGRNLRGN

IF WE WERE VILLIANS SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT go read it if u haven’t it’s legendaric

Okay the ending!!!! AH!!!! Okay yeah so I think it’s clear Oliver did not do it, I think the ambiguity lies more whether or not James intentionally killed Richard or if it was an accident. Like, did he see Richard stumbling out in the woods hella intoxicated and think to himself that this was the perfect opportunity to get revenge for all the abuse and torture Richard had been terrorizing him with??? Did he lie to Oliver? Personally, I believe James that it was an accident… of sorts. I don’t think James set out with the intention to kill Richard at all. But Richard was goading him and fighting him and after the buildup of cruelty and tension between them over the past few months, Richard be a homophobic dick and calling James and Oliver qu*er and prodding at the most important relationship in James’ life struck a nerve. So when Richard wanted to keep fighting and hurt him again he was like fuck this and he hit Richard too hard with the hook and that in tandem with Richard being drunk caused Richard to fall and die. And, like the others, James felt awful but there was a sort of sick sense of relief.

(Also, I’m not exactly sure Oliver counts as an Unreliable Narrator. I mean he is certainly keeping some things from that detective guy but, and I was reading something from M.L. Rio about this, like he’s literally just oblivious and dumb as fuck sometimes LKGNLRGLKNRG. So idk how often he’s intentionally Unreliable but I also get what you mean)

Anyways I’m totally a believer that James is alive bc despite enjoying dark stories im like okay but I need a happy ending LGKNLKRGlkenlgneg. Like c’mon they never found the body……….. A metaphorical death and shedding of his past life bc he blames himself for Oliver taking the fall is like the MOST tragic hero Shakespearean shit ever like it just works so well!!!!!! The part where Oliver describes the last time James visited him in jail…

“Oliver I’m begging you,” he said. “I can’t do this anymore.” When I refused again, he pulled my hand across the table, kissed it, and turned to leave. I asked where he was going and he said, “Hell. Del Norte. Nowhere. I don’t know.” (343).

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd. God. Anyways I think that was very telling of his plans. Hell (for “committing suicide”, moreso for all of his wrong doings). Del Norte is the beach that him and Oliver slept on that one night and so I feel like that place holds a lot of significance for them, but it’s a place only those two know the significance of. So, I like to think he ran away there and started a new life. He wrote that letter with the disjointed Pericles monologue I think to hint to Oliver that he was at Del Norte, if he wanted to find him, because even though his “death” was a self-punishment for ruining Oliver’s life, he still cares for him a lot and doesn’t want to be without him. Like a whole monologue about the sea????????? The fact that he literally said the monologue to Oliver while they were at Del Norte?? “To give my tongue that heat to ask your help; / Which if you shall refuse, when I am dead, / For that I am a man, pray see me buried.” LIKE WHAAAAAAAAAAT god !!!! Also water is gay<3 and in my heart Oliver goes and finds him and they like work through shit and are together.

Anyways I don’t really think he’s with Wren. Their relationship during senior year was always sort of ambiguous to me…. Like they definitely got super close, they probably were romantically involved in some capacity (since other characters like Alexander who is much more perceptive were like Oliver how did it take you this long to notice LRGNRGNK) though idk if it was like the Encompassing Love Affair Oliver thought it to be bc he’s oblivious and jealous. And also like James was very much enamored with Oliver so idk. (EDIT i just remembered they slept together LMAO but i think my point still stands) In the epilogue Wren is in London and is a recluse and doesn’t reach out to any of the Villains which like. Good for her LRGNRLG even though I hated Richard I can’t imagine like how much of a toll that took on her to see her cousin die and all their friends be like uh yeah we should let him die and then have to keep up a lie like… even though she agreed Richard was awful that has to be so heart wrenching (badumtss) and life ruining. So I think she especially wouldn’t want to be with James seeing as he essentially led Richard to fall into the lake, though I’m not sure if she knows that or not.

And Meredith!!!! Like I’ll be real sometimes she frustrates me but I think she’s also SUCH an interesting and realistic character (which is something I love about this novel, all the characters are interesting to me and I like how the female characters are portrayed.... like i LOVE Fillipa she is such a bad ass bitch but again she’s not just like. Expected to always be strong and clever like she’s got feelings too. Anyways love her). As I said before I was perusing through the author’s tumblr a bit and ppl were like “omg why did Meredith go through all the male friends” like BYEEE literally feeding into the stereotypes that made her feel insecure and weak… (Also again, they’ve known each other for four years… so its not that insane lmao). I think Meredith’s relationship with her sexuality and beauty is very interesting and relatable for a lot of women (I mean I am not. Like a seductive femme fatale like she is but LGKNKRGN). On one hand she is definitely a multifaceted person who is more than her sexuality, on the other, she’s constantly Literally Cast by Gwendolyn in sexualized roles and seen as sexualized by her friends/bf (Richard) and constantly told her worth in and out of the theatre is her body. Like there is an interesting duality about the power she possesses with her sexuality but also the extreme insecurity that is bred by being constantly sexualized and this struggle of like knowing she has worth outside of her body but also sort of … not in the eyes of others. That scene where they’re doing those exercises of their strengths and weaknesses really Hit. Anyways yes Meredith love urself queen… get a hot respectful gf… become a powerful successful legend…..

Related-ish sidenote, obviously I like James and Oliver together the most though I will say Meredith and Oliver’s relationship was interesting though ultimately unhealthy…. Like one of the aspects I like about their relationship is Oliver respects Meredith and when he realizes he is falling into that idea that Meredith is this super sexualized person he’s like hold awn that’s shitty of me… But also I think the fact of the matter is that their relationship was catalyzed by shitty stuff,,, like lust and the need for revenge. Like I honestly don’t really think they would’ve gotten together if not for the extreme animosity with Richard and the adrenaline of like that whole show run and more particularly That Night…. It feels like they got together because they were drunk and they’re attractive, which like yeah fine valid, but also, subconsciously, to be like fuck you Richard. Like, guess what I’m with the guy who you’re constantly saying doesn’t matter. And also seeking comfort and validation when their most important people are not valuing them (Richard being literally fucking awful to Meredith, James sort of pushing Oliver away—again I think subconsciously was sort of a revenge jealousy type thing where Oliver is with the person that James doesn’t really like and makes not amazing comments about being promiscuous). And then their relationship I think keeps going because like. Wow grief is a bitch and they want some comfort. Meredith is drawn to Oliver because he’s one of the only people who values her for more than just a sexual object which like is What She Deserves but their relationship is like a mess of sex and guilt and Oliver is in love with James (the parts where Meredith drags Oliver for caring more about James… iconic as she should! Like when Oliver is like sorry James is visiting me I’m not coming or when she’s like are you more jealous of him or me when they kissed for that scene….. OOP!). Anyways idk if that makes sense but I find Oliver and Meredith’s relationship interesting bc it’s not like… the worst unhealthy relationship ever or anything and I think there is genuine care and love/attraction there between them but like Oliver is never going to totally Be What Meredith deserves especially because like… he loves James more. Also the part where Meredith slaps Oliver when he gets out of jail and he’s like yeah I deserve that is so GLKNRglkenrgnrg to me.

Anyways I probably have more thots but wow. This is long. Sorry LGRNLKRGNng

[habibialkaysani]

@therewas-a-girl

replied to your post

“preview of my next fic (Dinah/Diggle; T for now but will be higher)”

I like how well u capture dinahs dry sense of humor btw

aww thank you. she has a few of those moments in this fic. :)

@therewas-a-girl

replied to your post

“y'all why are you sleeping on my fic I want people to actually read it...”

I was about to write this in the fic but i realized it wouldnt be relevant there. I thibk one issue might be the cheating element. I mean it is for me. I dont willingly go out to look for fics about people cheating. Idk i never have. But then again maybe this is just me xause i know plentybof ppl who ship things like that - like canarrow even before sara came back and oliver and laurel were over. So idk

I mean - yeah. I get that. totally. and I’m not saying I’m condoning cheating or saying that this is in any way an ideal or healthy relationship. because like idk if you read my other spartancanary fic but I actually had dinah have the line “you’re fucking your problems away” and like, it’s dysfunctional and wrong but that’s... kinda what makes it a rich story, for me? idk if that makes sense. I just think it’s an interesting relationship, you know? plus, call me annoying but like - I like writing non-white ships. as in ships that have all parties be people of colour. (in fact I might include a white people joke just because.) there aren’t enough of them out there esp in dctv where most of the big superheroes are white.

and I’m glad you brought up canarrow. I’m sure I’ve come across a fic about sara and oliver’s first time together in the back of a car or at some kind of festival or something, and like, oliver was very clearly cheating on laurel and not just with anyone - with his girlfriend’s sister. but in the comments no one brought that up, that I can remember, anyway, and it was actually quite widely read if I remember correctly. but I’m searching for it and I have no clue who wrote it lmao so it’s not hugely substantial evidence that I’m right :P

I do get that maybe ollie was the kind of douche to do that to his girlfriend whereas diggle wouldn’t do that to the mother of his child, and I know it’s different in that sense. but I also think - john is in a realllllllly bad place rn with his ptsd (which he does have even if the show will never vocalise it) and the injury he sustained while on lian yu. and I feel like when you’re in a bad place you do things you regret. or things you wouldn’t normally do. I think that’s what’s happening to john here. and dinah is a good person too and she hates the idea of being the other woman but in the last month or so she’s found herself feeling really lonely. and it’s like that line from a streetcar named desire, my favourite play ever by tennessee williams - “you need somebody, and I need somebody, too. could it be - you and me?”

@therewas-a-girl

replied to your post

“preview of my next fic (Dinah/Diggle; T for now but will be higher)”

Your characterisation is on point as ever and i have a very special love in my heart for quiet moments between teammates - regartkess of if theyre lovers or friends. Im a tually very here for a fic exploring dinahs feelings and where her head is. What shes doing with her life. How THIS life has impacted her as a person. Id read that with love bc i love her character

yeah I mean the first bit minus a few moments could be construed as just a really intense friendship (which is what I’m feeling like the writers will go for with them because wendy mericle and juliana harkavy have both said that it’s not going to be romantic) and I am totally here for the moments of peace between the team. but yeah I think there are a lot of gaps to be filled in with dinah’s character and a lot to her story we don’t really know. plus those five months where she gets promoted and seems more confident as canary is also development done offscreen. glad you like my characterisation - esp because I barely write one character and have only just started writing the other and I wasn’t sure how they would come across on paper.

@lancedinah

replied to your post

“okay, medical people of tumblr. can anyone explain to me what john...”

I'm not the medical side of tumblr and I still need to watch the episode but usually with degenerative nerve damage it means that it is irreversible and once your nerves begin to get damaged they become weakened and that can cause tremors to occur.

ah I see. so basically (spoilers) diggle got a bit of shrapnel in his chest during the explosion on lian yu and that led to degenerative nerve damage, resulting in him being unable to fire his gun. but if you’re saying it’s irreversible I can see how it would affect john mentally too, as well as the tremor.

[6-v-6]

hey daddy can u give me a rundown on some of them worst tumblr moments on that post u reblogged

like a description of what they were? Sure thing

“reblog this post if you aren’t a peasant” this was basically like a Really Popular post.. for whatever reason.. that went around a lot back in the day. I think it had a lot to do with the trend of calling people peasants as an insult which was like a weirdly popular thing too

mishapocalypse aka the Worst fuckening thing. So Misha Collins is an actor in the tv show Supernatural, which we all know is already a yikes fandom, and this mishapocalypse Mess(tm) was basically a time period in which Everyone In That Fuckening Fandom changed their profile pictures to Misha’s face and they’d put the picture all over posts and it was terrible. Everywhere you looked you’d see that man’s face and they thought it was hilarious

tumblypoos I don’t really know what this one is and I’m glad for that

the year when “your fave is problematic” blogs became popular and were literally Everywhere so I feel like this is a little straightforward, but yeah basically a bunch of blogs popped up that were Dedicated to creating discourse over every single character from anything ever. Some were focused on one character, one fandom, etc. Others were just general. It became a trend to like... find the tiniest moment that was “problematic” and blow it up and be like “see!!!! they’re problematic!!!!” basically because this website hates happiness and has to villainize everything

the era when progressive discourse was “gay men are terrible and just like heteros” okay this one was Really Really Weird and I didn’t get too much of it on my dash but I remember seeing really confusing posts that would talk about how gay men are priviledged and how they use that priviledge to look down on other sexualities or something and they were pushing this rhetoric that leveled them on the same wave as heteros

find john green I’m not 100% clear on this since I’m not a fan of that book and I’ve never seen the movie, but I feel like people were trying to find him on tumblr or something

sonic for real social justice THE BEST FUCKING THING EVER. Okay so this blog opened up one day, and literally within the span of a few hours had garnered so much attention and a ton of followers. It was basically like... an anti sjw blog except all of the mods on the blog used a sonic character as their persona. And then there was drama between the mods they started fighting and banning each other it was fucking amazing

kin drama I’m not kin or anywhere near that side of tumblr but from my perspective this whole kin stuff blew up everywhere with people claiming to be kin with like, 500 different things and I Vividly Remember this one post or blogger or something that blew up because they were kin with grass and were telling people not to cut their grass because they were murdering their family 

“i like your shoelaces” “thanks i stole them from the president” another terrible tumblr idea that I feel in part led to dashcon but this was like.. “code” .. for what to say to someone if you met them on the streets in order to find out if they had a tumblr too. ie person A says “i like your shoelaces” and if person B had a tumblr they would respond with “thanks i stole them from the president”

superwholock probably the most iconic and I’m sure everyone on this site has seen what became of this. A real tragic mess that will go down in history books. But lets not forget how it tried to extend into superwhoavengepottermerlock like the 7 deadly sins coming together

potterheads get your horcruxes, dr who fans get ur screwdrivers… THE ICONIC FCKING POST I think i reblogged it on my blog a while ago even. Just..... oh my god a bunch of 13 year old kids thinking that a fandom granted them power. Like the supernatural fans being like “I know how to exercise a demon!!!111!!” and sherlock fans being all “I know how to hide a body and make it look like I never did anything” and the rest of us were just like...... chill..... we get it u sit on ur couch watching television all day... 

tumblr prom tumblr trying to hold a virtual prom to make people feel better about the fact they had no prom date. Pretty sure someone printed out a url and brought it to their actual prom and said that was their date. Another tumblr mess. 

skeleton war halloween madness that extended beyond halloween where people were very adamant about skeletons and fighting a skeleton war and there was lots of talk about joining the Fight after you die and memes about skeletons just lots of skeletons

dashcon the accumulation of everything bad on this site. A convention... that was planned on tumblr for tumblr... that said they’d have famous guests like popular voice actors and actors in general and creators. Raised 17k to fund it. People paid it in their eagerness. Turns out no one remotely famous showed up, and the convention center was more like a giant empty warehouse with the most memorable thing being a small shitty ball pit. People got mad and started to realize they’d been scammed so the ppl in charge tried to offer “an extra hour in the ball pit” to appease them. Someone peed in the ball pit at one point and gave everyone else a rash. Fuckening amazing

[survivor-hosts]

Ep. #2: “One Woman Hall of Fun House Mirrors” - Drew

The tribes were given the music video immunity challenge. Jinsei planned out a story to go with their song and what each person will do whereas Naicha didnt seem to care much.  Jinsei obviously won.  After the results, a plan was made by Jessy and Drew to blindside MJ while MJ was trying to convince Jessy to blindside Drew. Meanwhile, Regan being uber paranoid and started freaking out in the tribe chat and telling people she is going to vote for them and making up fake advantages.  This lead everyone to change their votes to take out Regan as she was too much of a liability.  Jessy still voted for MJ even though she knew Regan was going.

update: im here but rip to my perfect game cause catherine randomized her vote

Cat: I don’t use sugar she’s cursed I’m using Christy I won with her also cat: gets voted out first I’m disappointed to see cat go first. I was really excited to play a game with her for the first time ever and I just wish there was something I could have done to help her.

Can’t wait to be second boot

[2:30:43 PM] Austin Trevino: Ok!! I’m trying to scroll back right now and catch myself up but Skype isn’t showing like half of the messages for some reason. Did we decide on an idea? [2:31:13 PM] Sam: we’re doing something LGBT+ related since it’s pride month omg the trumpie is shaking

[2017-06-12 4:08:53 AM] Jessy: this is actually crazy [2017-06-12 4:08:58 AM] Jessy: IS NO ONE GONNA DO ANYTHING?????????????????????????? [2017-06-12 4:08:59 AM] Jessy: BKLMASDFKLMASFKLMDFKLSDAFMS [2017-06-12 4:08:59 AM] Jessy: LIKE [2017-06-12 4:09:01 AM] Jessy: KLJSKLJSSKLMSKLMSKMLSKM [2017-06-12 4:09:19 AM] Jessy: THERES LEGIT GONNA BE NO VIDEO [2017-06-12 4:09:19 AM] Jessy: SLKJSLKJSKLJS [2017-06-12 4:09:22 AM] Jessy: BC THESE PPL ARE SO LAZY [2017-06-12 4:09:26 AM] Jessy: OR THEYRE JUST THROWING [2017-06-12 4:09:27 AM] Jessy: BKLMSADFLKDS [2017-06-12 4:10:51 AM] Jessy: LEGIT ITS LIKE [2017-06-12 4:10:53 AM] Jessy: SICKENING FOR ME [2017-06-12 4:10:54 AM] Jessy: TO DO NOTHING [2017-06-12 4:10:56 AM] Jessy: KLBMASKLDMDFSAMKL [2017-06-12 4:10:59 AM] Jessy: I WANNA YELL AT EVERYONE AND JUST GET TO WORK [2017-06-12 4:11:01 AM] Jessy: ME: U DO THIS! [2017-06-12 4:11:04 AM] Jessy: ME: GET THIS PROP! [2017-06-12 4:13:47 AM] Jessy: ugh it makes me mad [2017-06-12 4:13:48 AM] Jessy: KLBMASDFKDSMA [2017-06-12 7:59:26 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For me, this season is about Redemption. I just learned that Connah is looking to break his pre-merge curse he’s adapted to over the past few seasons played, so instantly I need to jump on that connection and form some sort of understanding between us in order to prevent him from going after me. I feel like this creates a whole lot of trust, and when the time comes where I’ll need it most I’ll be damn sure to use my allies to my advantage in securing votes. The thing with Connah is that he’s viewed as our tribe’s local Inactive. The time zone thing really does hurt his game because of my tribe consisting of sleepy old schoolers. Me, the insomniac that I am, can use this to my advantage by being Connah’s go-to for info and reliance. The problem for me though is looking back to Bhutan, where the last time I trusted someone in a different country voted me out @F5… *eyes Max*

It’s Day 4. 4 days since the game started and I’m not in game-mode yet. It’s probably because it’s been a long time since I played a main but even then, in Generations I wasn’t in game-mode at all. I may be too comfortable or I’m not on guard but I haven’t had that “spark” yet. I have no alliances yet, I’ve talked game to no one. Is this new schools Tumblr Survivor? Things are just…slow? Now I’m not sure if everyone is just feeling things out or I’m already in the minority but I just feels so detached from the game. Catherine has been voted out FIRST and that should give me motivation to do better but I didn’t feel anything. I think what made me feel so detached in games is that in the past year, I’ve played two orgs on Facebook. I didn’t mesh well with people there at all and basically became emotionless and indifferent. That in turn led me into FTC and Final 4 respectively. I’m trying to do the same thing and I thought this is Tumblr where my ORG life started I should have connections or know everyone, should be hard but it actually isn’t. People usually label me as a non-threat until late into the game but I have to be careful because I have friends on my tribe and the other tribe but if I can somehow manage to convince everyone I’m not a threat and will be helpful to them I could pull this off for the third time and make it to FTC. That’s my game plan. As for my relationships in this tribe, I’m friends with Connor for about a year. It’s almost common knowledge since we hosted 4 games together but in the event that people don’t we’re both trying to be distant to one another in the tribe chat. The next person I’m closest to (minus Connor ofc) is probably Jessy but we haven’t talked game yet. I’m still kinda feeling things out. I don’t know how to end this confessional PS I have 4 outdated video confessionals because I can’t upload them BECAUSE NO INTERNET !!! FUTURE JOSH REMEMBER THIS MOMENT AFTER THE GAME IS OVER AND HOW YOU FELT THIS CLOSE TO SUING THE INTERNET COMPANY

Catherine deserves all the good things in the world by the way. She’s an angel. Please let the Phoenix Idol be the Arabia twist.

Okay but in all seriousness, can I tell you how scary it was to see my name come up last night… like Catherine made no effort to communicate with anyone so she can’t say “no ones talking to me” when she doesn’t do the same. Communication is a two way street, you get what you put into any conversation. Idk I just find her to be very hypocritical and don’t really feel bad that she was the first boot. I really want to push for a David/Andrew/Myself alliance, but for the moment I am worried that David and Sam are close and he would spill the beans. I feel like Sam is pretty well rounded in this tribe and that kinda worries me, but I can’t do anything about it so early you know?? But I think I have something solid with Andrew, I feel like Austin trusts me, and I have the Amulet of Abduction in my possession. If things go south, I think I have the tools needed to reverse the car and drive north. Now thinking about it, maybe Catherine voting me out was a good thing because the other tribe could possibly think I’m in the minority and save me for the next round. Who knows honestly, but one could hope. I really have no idea what could happen and I think my paranoia at that tribal during the live call has people questioning me. However, I did contribute a lot to this challenge and I think that puts me in good graces. I suggested the LGBT theme in celebration of Pride Month, which got us going somewhere with our video. I really hope we win mainly because I think our challenge idea is so cute, and if the judges don’t see that then they got something wrong with them. Heres to hoping we win this challenge so I have one peaceful night of sleep

omg austin writing #lovetrumpshate on his sign… me: *blurs it out in the video* i hate that i have to be on a tribe with a trumpie… i just hate it so much… it sucks that i actually get along with him? godt

me when we win this music video challenge

so yeah if we don’t win this challenge it’s plain homophobia

So basically the last vote was super easy except our tribe literally doesnt talk….Sam and I had to get the ball rolling which is weird for me because I never take part in that but I guess im like the leader of the tribe or something (Not really) Im really good with Sam like I think we are going to be a solid 2 going into a swap. Im good with Andrew and Lydia and Austin as well. Sam and I want to get an alliance chat of those people + Scott going so that we can have majority and no one feels left out and we can vote out Connor if needed. The music video we will hopefully and and then I wont have to worry about getting 15th! 

[13/06/2017, 10:21:03 AM] Josh: I can talk when I get to my desk! I’m driving atm [13/06/2017, 10:23:14 AM] Regan: Okay thanks lmk [13/06/2017, 10:37:35 AM] Regan: you drive slow

A plan to blindside Drew has been made but I’m not sure if it wise. On one side, Drew is a huge threat and he’s on everyone’s good side, but if we’re swapping tomorrow it’s not ideal to have a broken tribe. Only me, Jessy, MJ and Regan know about this and it’s enough to send Drew home but that would leave Connor and Allison out of the loop. I’m more concerned about burning the bridge I have with Connor that’s why I’m gonna try and pull off a unanimous vote. Or at least a 5-2 vote. I need Connor’s trust and more importantly it’s only the first tribal we’re going and I’m already hiding things from Connor. I’m at a dilemma. My vote seems to be the deciding factor if we keep Regan or not. We still have a lot of time to think about the vote and I think it’s better to have a full on discussion together with MJ and Jessy and see what we’re gonna do. For right now I’m gonna feel out Connor and see what he thinks of possibly blindsiding Drew.

So we won the challenge and we did that, the judges just knew not to be homophobic. But honesty the other tribes vid was not that good so we had this shit down. I think Regan is going and thank god because apparently she was trying to kidnap me and im like please get out before you ruin me thanks. I love Matt Summers so much also because we had a little tea session and it was juicy. he told me about the Regan stuff and I told him about why we voted out Cat seaux I hope if theres a swap we are good

Oh okay the game’s starting now huh. I’m sorry in advance, dear readers, this is gonna be lengthy as fuck, I really should’ve done a Meet the People confessional the first week but I got lazy so here we are! So first and foremost, I’d like to personally thank Steffen for messaging me after immunity results like WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT MUSIC VIDEO because we know, babe. We know. Dramatic little fuck, ilysm. ANYWAY my ass is making some interesting mistakes! We’re gonna break this lil confessional section into three segments because it’s how I’m processing my thoughts: All Stars, Congo, and Pacific Islands. 1.        When I first walked into this tribe, my first thought was “OH look, three All Stars kids! Well that can’t happen!” and then they turn out to be…….the only…….people…………I talk to???????? dkjlshlkfjhgKJHFLKJSHD kill me now honestly. So now this is the crew I’m accidentally rolling with for at least this first vote. MJ gave me a call on like night two like “I wanna work with you until the end, I think we could go really really far together and it’s not something people would see coming” and I’m like WHEW this probably means I’m not first boot huh. Like okay if by some miracle or twist of fate, I’m actually capable of making FTC here, I’m not going with no damn MJ, but realistically who says no to an F2? Jessy is a fucking angel, and the only person who will semi-reliably reach out and just say hey, which I’m not sure I’ve ever done with her. Actually, because this is reminding me, I’m gonna go do that right now! … kk now that that’s done. She’s a sweetheart, I don’t ever want to do anything against her or without her. Like I will if I have to, don’t you worry about that, but it would hurt. And then Matt Summers who I’ve talked to like twice since the season started because he’s always busy but like they were real conversations, it wasn’t even anything game-related, we like poured our hearts out to each other. And now he’s been kidnapped so he’s not on the table anyway. But like honestly truthfully, these All Star kids are the good eggs of the beach, I could actually see working with them for a while (cut to Connor and Josh and Allison’s confessionals saying the same thing because they’ve gotten the same calls and the same messages and I’m actually just that easy to manipulate). 2.        Okay, Congo. Congo is a side season I won a million years ago. Hosted by Connor, Josh, and Cat. So when they all popped up here, two of them on my tribe, best believe I was SCREAMING. And it was cute until I realized the main season history that Cat and Josh had and how that wouldn’t last. And sure enough, Miss Cat was the first to die and that wasn’t completely unexpected but damn why these bitches have to take my secret pair beware??? We literally saw Moana together in theaters, I’d have thrown away my entire game for her. But this boot is probably a better case scenario because now fewer people are looking at Josh and Connor, they lost their footing on the other tribe and are just in general softer more passive people, at least outwardly. Everyone knows they’re connected, Josh hosted Connor in Palawan and they did Arabia together, but I don’t know that I’m exactly linked with them, which is great right now because if we can manage to work together on a lower radar for a while, it could end up being very very helpful in getting things together moving forward in new tribe configurations. 3.        Oh Pacific Islands…….a mess. This is Regan and Allison. Allison is an interesting case because on the one hand I love her, she’s one of my favorite hosts, I’ve been hosted by her in three Pacific Islands games before, she’s a lot of fun. But she knows how I play these days. She and Andrew actually did a cast assessment for PI Johto, which was Heroes vs Villains, and some of the things they said were spot-on but not things I want out. Allison talks about how she wishes I’d been cast on the villains tribe because I’m like secretly cutthroat as fuck, willing to stab literally anyone in the back, may not be seen as a villain but has very villainous characteristics. And Andrew is like Drew is super hard to read, you can have an image in your head of Drew’s game and who he’s aligned with and you could be completely wrong and then suddenly you’re the one working with him and making moves, but it’s never shady. And like true but fuck. So like Allison knowing this much about my game, having hosted me through to the finale episode three times, seen me win one and get player of the season once, is a bit of a scary concept because I’m LIVING for the fact that I’m mostly an unknown entity to these people, like MJ and Matt might know bits of my record and stories from Kait or being in VLs or whatever but so few of them have seen me play and I’m ready to not be nearly as known. And then Regan is just being……..whew. Imagine messaging everyone 20 seconds after the challenge ended, like actually everyone, schedule calls with them, literally tell someone on call that you’re leaving to go talk to someone else instead, frantically messaging the tribe chat like “I know I’m the easy choice” “I just want to beat my best placement” like babe we all do, this is a returning season and only two of these flops have won, we’re all hungry to at least better ourselves. She’s been rubbing people the wrong way, especially Connor and MJ. I don’t think anyone except Allison would lift a finger to save her. BUT HERE’S THE THING, THEY MIGHT NOT HAVE TO. Regan. Got. A. Vote. Stealer. From the idol map. Which is apparently a thing! So in this tribe of seven, literally all she needs to stay is me and Allison and her vote stealer. I mean granted, she doesn’t have me and I don’t think she knows that yet, but it’s a nice concept, very cute. Like I’m not going to stick my neck out for her on literally the first vote when if we don’t swap and Matt comes back, everything could quickly fall apart for me. Plus another layer. I have the map now. And Regan is the only one who knows that it’s even a POSSIBILITY that I might. She didn’t EXACTLY tell me so even she might not realize it. She was trying to be vague like “It’s on the blog, it’s super obvious but not something you’d ever think to search for, like what specifically would you be looking for” so I tried board, then grid, then map and BAM. So I make my very first search and find a vote negator!! Oh do I already have big dreams for this little baby This place could be a fucking gold mine for me moving forward, if no one knows that I have it and I never have to expose that I do until it’s time. I was never a captain, I never got a clue, who would look at poor little Drew for any sort of power? Regan, that’s who, who knows if she’d even guess that I did figure it out after all, I never told her I did, but she knows what she told me. Which is why she absolutely has to leave now because she’s the only one who could know. Now I have a way to test the loyalty of whoever becomes captain next, and at least for the moment, of accumulating wealth without anyone knowing. Part of me wants to go for broke and ask Regan what places she’s already searched but I’m not pushing my luck and forcing her to realize that I made it to the map. That’s on her to figure out. I don’t know where I’m going from here, Trevor said it would be beneficial to be on Skype after tribal tonight, which probably means a swap. Which sucks a little because I have a pretty good connection with everyone here right now, I fit into all three of the groups listed above, I think I might actually end up in alliance chats with all three by the time tribal rolls around. But I’ll find new friends if I have to. I’m a lot more confident in my ability since the last time I did a main season, and I’m finally in a season where I can potentially be looked over and befriended as a number and might not have to fight quite as hard to dodge the immediate threat edit. I’m nowhere near the passive player I used to be. Who knows if I’ll win this season, but I was not proud of my performance in Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, so it’s time to have a main season experience I can look back on and say I did that. This vote negator and I are gonna go find some friends and get down to business!

[2017-06-12 5:52:25 PM] Jessy: ughhh [2017-06-12 5:52:28 PM] Jessy: i hate this [2017-06-12 5:52:38 PM] Jessy: keeping regan is better on THIS tribe [2017-06-12 5:52:49 PM] Jessy: but im just giving away three free allies to sam and lydia [2017-06-12 8:06:55 PM] Jessy: I love Regan but like I can totally picture being in trouble with her, Matt and Allison if we were to make this move. Making enemies out of Drew, Josh, Connor and MJ is literally so fucking scary but I don’t want to regret this later on thinking that I should have made the move so that this season wouldn’t end with a winner like Sam, Lydia or MJ. But I also don’t want to be one of those players who only make “big moves” just for the flashiness of it. [2017-06-12 9:47:46 PM] Jessy: okay U know what? [2017-06-12 9:48:00 PM] Jessy: I completely understand the logic Matt implied [2017-06-12 9:48:13 PM] Jessy: but here’s the thing. OPPORTUNITY! [2017-06-12 9:48:35 PM] Jessy: By voting out Regan I’m accepting a position at the bottom of an alliance that not only has numbers on my tribe but the other tribe as well [2017-06-12 9:48:53 PM] Jessy: So yes it does make enemies of the other tribe, but the opportunity I have rn is to take out the person that connects them [2017-06-12 9:48:58 PM] Jessy: the head of the snake. [2017-06-12 9:49:21 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: wheres your confessional

Anyways scratch all this bc Regan is targeting me apparently so she’s DONE.

last night lydia and i agreed that we should make a 4 with connor and scott and try to take out austin cause david suggest a 4 between me, austin, him and andrew right before the cat vote but now david is including me, andrew, scoot and lydia in an alliance YIKES G2G!!!!!!

Scratch that it looks like we’re voting Regan again

So the first tribal council was pretty successful aside from the fact that Connor was left out of the loop. But honestly I’m over that. I’ve been talking to him a little more lately and same with Lydia so trying to keep those social connections up! I would give a more extensive recap but essentially the challenge went fine except for a marker fiasco where a new purple marker fresh out the box exploded all over my table…..anyway! Scott and I have been getting closer and he’s really cool tbh. He told me today that I’m his #1 and that he wants to go through everything in this game with me “at his side” and I’m like alrighty! Hope he’s not saying that to anyone else lmao. In terms of other people, David and I have been good and Sam and I have on and off convos - sometimes involving strategy and other times not. Lydia and Connor I’ll talk to here and there but not about strategy. And then there’s the fun Forced Austin Convos™… Okay I ain’t gonna be mean like the conversations I have with him are genuine but also never go anywhere? Like I guess we have each other’s backs which is fine. I’m just waiting for him to really REALLY strike something with me but he doesn’t which I guess is fine because I don’t trust him and therefore wanna vote him out. The big development of the day though was David and I got an alliance going. I basically just cracked open a cold one with the boy and said let’s talk an alliance and before I knew it he was getting Sam I was getting Scott and Sam was getting Lydia. This is also good for me getting close to Lydia btw! Keeping that in mind. Also David wanted Lydia and I wanted Scott but my messages fucked up so we ended up getting both of them? Which is fine… I think. We were going for a 4 person alliance but I’ll work with 5 the best I can. I just needed Scott to be involved. That was a top priority. So now the other tribe’s tribal is tonight and from all the completely expected game related shit Matt has talked on Regan - she’s going home. BUT. This is a main season. Ya never know what wackadoodle-Dan shit is gonna happen.

[1:15:02 AM] Jessy: THIS TRIBE IS SO CRACKEDT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [1:17:00 AM] Jessy: MJ IS SENDING MIXED SIGNALS! [1:17:02 AM] Jessy: LIKE SIS! [7:45:09 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: What’s happening [7:45:13 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Make a confessional

things are… confusing yet also very straight forward. the vote was pretty clean cut on being regan, then things.. well, they happened. regan told drew that she heard her name from mj (mj i think???) and then she was like BUT i heard your name from mj. so drew messaged me like ‘what is the happen’ and i was like, well, i have never heard your name so thats probably not happening. regan told drew that she has a vote stealer and is going to try and take mj’s vote and vote for mj, but frankly the vote steal probably isnt real. i have a good thing going with allison, i like her a lot and i really hope to work with her deep into this game. im hoping to pull together an alliance of myself, josh, mj, drew, and allison and then a counter one? with everyone else. that would leave me in the middle which is where i play games best. im just hoping regan goes. i know she would be an easy shield down the road, but theres just no clear target going into this vote, and especially with her having a vote steal, taking her out with it and seeing if it’s something that exists will be very beneficial in the long run.

So I really am happy that we ended up winning the immunity challenge. Beforehand I was so scared cause we lost the first immunity and I didn’t want to go back to tribal after receiving a vote at the last one. Plus I don’t know who they would have kidnapped which really scared me. Lydia and I also discussed who we should end up kidnapping outside of the tribe. She was really worried about her relationship with Matt Summers and their previous game history, so she felt it was best to kidnap him. I personally didn’t give a fuck so I just went with it. Even though if we kidnapped Regan, it would have easily changed their tribe dynamic since Matt confirmed that she was an easy vote. I kinda wish he would have like actually given info on the dynamics so I could know who to abduct if we end up never swapping. Also, I’m low key surprised that Regan told the other tribe I had a final 2 with her mainly cause I don’t and know that she’s bad for my game being here. She also told them she wouldn’t take me to the end, which really has me thinking I’m a huge threat on their side. Personally, I think there are more fish to fry on my tribe over myself, so I hope I don’t go home anytime soon. Lydia also told me she talked to Connah and he seems to have a fire lit under him because he’s more motivated now. Which I’m happy about cause he did a phenomenal job on our video. If the tribes do stay the same and we lose again, I would personally like to see Austin go over Connah. Lydia and I compared notes on how Austin’s conversations come across as very fake and in genuine, and like hes only talking to us through a game perspective. I just find Austin to be fishy. Today, Sam told me that Lydia and I would be approached by Andrew and David about an alliance. And she even told us that she has a separate alliance with just Andrew and David. I’m actually happy she told me this mainly because now I have info against her for down the road. Andrew approached me moments later about it and I acted like I had just heard this. So I got added to an alliance with Andrew/David/Sam/Myself called the Pure Four. I’m happy that this alliance was made cause it was the alliance that I wanted, but right now I just feel very suspicious if that makes sense. I think the smartest thing for my game is to lay low until the moment is right. Who knows if that will happen though mainly cause if I use the Amulet of Abduction premerge, it makes me a pretty big target going into the merge. It sucks cause I want to tell Andrew so I can further our trust but I can’t tell him without exposing the Three Muskequeers (Sam/Lydia/Myself) and why Lydia was chosen to be captain was to help our alliance. So right now I just need to lay low and hope that Regan didn’t completely ruin my reputation on the other tribe

I swear to god, Regan is like a one woman hall of funhouse mirrors and all we’re trying to do is walk a straight line.

So IDK IM GETTING VOTED OUT AN DIM FREAKING. ITS ME OR MJ ME OR MJ I HATE LIFE