#Which is ok. Missing good things is ok. It's a fine reminder to never let my head drop so far again even for a minute. Rely on only myself.

[ovkl]

I'd like to stop mourning the loss of a very good feeling and peaceful dynamic I had while I'm taking a monster leak. P&T.

[niceminipotato]

Personal Heater

You weren’t sure why you had woken up in the middle of the night. You did noticed that the pitcher of water was empty so you had decided to get it replenished. It was maybe a little after two in the morning when you had quietly slipped out of the bedroom. You hoped none of your movements disturbed the peace of the castle, much less disturbed that beautiful sleeping woman you had left back on the bed.

However, as you stepped back into your room, full pitcher in hand, you found Alcina was no longer asleep. She sat reclined back with a soft smile sitting lazily on her face. Her eyes cut right to you as you stepped through the threshold, their golden hue flashing ever slightly.

Heavens she looked like a goddess. Her alabaster skin bathed in moonlight and her ebony curls sitting gently on her shoulders. How could she be this perfect even after waking in the early morning hours you didn’t know? But you wouldn’t ever question it.

“What are you doing up?” You asked and she gave you a small shrug.

“My personal heater went away.”

You lifted a brow which she matched with a smirk. Letting out a small sigh she spoke once more a small pout on her lips.

“I simply missed you.”

You shook your head unable to hide your smile, “who knew you had such an adorable side to you?”

“Who knew? Well, obviously, you dear. Hence why you’re here.” A frown sat on her brow for a moment before it softened as she patted the bed. “Now, stop your dallying and get on this bed. You look far too lonely over there.”

Rolling your eyes and huffing in fake annoyance, you made your way towards the bed. “Fine.”

Carefully you set the pitcher down listening to her shuffling down on the bed to lay down once more. As you climbed on and began to settle under the covers she drew you close to her chest. Giddy with her actions you smiled and settled under her chin, listening to her heartbeat. Softly she drew aimless patterns on your back. You loved this. You loved her.

“Can I tell you something?” You said softly.

“You can tell me anything.” Came her soft reply.

“You make me happy.”

Her movements paused for a moment before she hugged you even closer to her. “You do the same for me, draga. I… I love you.”

“I know. Though I do enjoy hearing it every once in a while. Never stop telling me?”

“I will spend my life reminding you.”

“Good.” You grinned and placed a soft kiss on her collarbone. “Alcina?” She hummed in response. “I love you too.”

So I was yet again looking through little prompts because I need to get some inspiration for the fic exchange I’m going to be a part off. This exchange isn’t for Lady Dimitrescu however I read the one little prompt and Lady Dimitrescu waltzed in all like who do you think you’re going to write about? And of course I had to tell her it was her. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this little thing. The prompt was “What are you doing up?”, “My personal heater went away.” Gosh soo much fluffy stuff. Ok bye I need to try and focus on work and maybe that exchange fic 🙃

[its-time-to-write]

Thank you so much for the response to my request <3. the fic was better then I could have hoped!!!!

I have a new request (but feel free to focus on the story themes you were wanting to do!), I have been really wanting to see a Jamie fic where he takes care of sick reader. Could be period or illness (no preference) and Jamie has no idea how to help but tries his best. I think its a cute idea

Can't wait to read more of your fics!

Thank you so much for requesting!! Literally love when people ask me to write things. Also, apparently everyone loves a sickfic because my other one has the most notes of everything I’ve written. Anyway, here’s your fic!

there’s orange juice in the kitchen

You are not sure of much, but you know one thing: you’re in pain. It’s 2am, and you’ve gotten a grand total of two hours of sleep. You’ve given up on laying in your bed and have filled up your bath with hot water, bubbles, and bath salts. Lots of bath salts. Your abdomen feels like it’s shredding itself and you suppose, technically speaking, it is. You’re just relieved that tomorrow is the weekend and you don’t have to slog through a work day, white-knuckling these absolutely ripping period cramps. 

You don’t have regular periods like, ever, and your doctor’s concerned about your fertility. You remember waving it off with the statement, “That’s a problem for another day.” Thing is, that was just a cop-out. You didn’t want to think about it for a single second because then it would become real, and you make it a personal point never to complain about a period no matter how brutal it is because at least it’s something and never mind that your last one was four months ago, you’re ok. You have a good life and good people and you’re fine. 

It’s just the principle, you know? The desire of choice. 

The hormones don’t help either. 

But anyway, you’re in your tiny bath trying to soothe the pain you’re in, trying to make yourself tired enough to fall asleep once you get out. You breathe, in, out. In, out. 

You’re up till 6am when you finally doze off. 

—

You wake up in a sweaty haze. You’re in soft pants and a large t-shirt, on top of your sheets rather than in them. You reach for your phone then pull your legs in with a sharp gasp. You’re still in pain. 

It subsides so you reach again and check the time. 9:01. You groan. Three hours of dubious sleep is not enough. You have a missed text from Sam (remind me which brand of kitchenware you use?) two missed texts from Keeley (look at this absolutely adorable puppy! Attached: 1 Image), and a missed call from Jamie. 

Ah, right. Jamie. 

Your boyfriend. 

Who you were supposed to meet for breakfast exactly sixteen minutes ago. 

Shit. 

You call him back and he answers on the first ring. 

“Hey love!” he says. “You alright? Not like you to miss breakfast.”

You grimace. “I uh, I wasn’t feeling well last night and I haven’t slept very good. I forgot to text you. Didn’t fall asleep until 6.”

“A.M.?” Jamie asks and you reply to the affirmative. He lets out a long “shiiit,” followed by a, “how contagious are you?”

“For you? Not very,” you say. “For another girl, incredibly contagious, although some say that’s an old wive’s tale.”

Jamie is silent in confusion, then- “Ohh, I get it! You’re not sick-sick, you’re on your fucking period.”

You chuckle, despite remaining curled up on your side. 

“Yes,” you reply, “My fucking period. I feel nauseous and tired and I am bleeding so. Much. It’s like my body’s making up for the last four months of nothing.”

Jamie’s silent for a moment and you internally cringe, kicking yourself for over sharing. You haven’t been together that long, about a month and a half, and he doesn’t need to know that about you. He’s a famous footballer, after all, and a guy’s guy. Probably gets grossed out about periods and stuff. 

Then he says, “Can I come over? I’ll bring food,” and your worries almost completely evaporate. 

“As long as you don’t care about how disgusting I am or the fact that I hurt a lot, sure,” you say. “I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

—

Jamie’s at your flat in 40 minutes, which is fast considering how much food he walks in with. He’s brought a bag of Chinese takeout, plus two overflowing grocery bags. 

“This is for now, these are for later,” he explains. He’s in a pink sweatshirt with matching shorts and socks, and maybe it’s the damned hormones again but he looks hot. His hair is pushed back with a headband and you want him to fuck you. You don’t think you can convince him, though, what with the blood. And the fact that he’s Jamie fucking Tartt. And that he probably doesn’t do shit like that because it’s gross. 

Your brain whispers, but he’s here, isn’t he? so you just push that thought down to live with other scary ones like, I will never have kids, or I’m going to live with this pain for the rest of my life.

Jamie is oblivious to this, just pulling everything out of the bags and chattering on. He’s kicked off his trainers near the door, and he hasn’t made any comments about the fact that you’ve wrapped a blanket around your shoulders like a shroud, or that your hair is in the messiest bun in the history of the world. Not the sexy, reader-insert fan fiction type of messy bun, either. Just an I-did-not-get-anywhere-NEAR-enough-sleep-last-night messy bun. 

“-and me mum always drank orange juice, swore it helped with bloating or hydration or somethin’, I don’t really know, but I got some of that too and this tea that’s supposed to help with cramps, and also a shit-ton of chocolate because I didn’t know which kind was your favorite. I was thinking we can sit on the couch and watch a movie or play Animal Crossing or some shit while eating the takeout, then I can cook you a proper fucking meal later. Coach always says it’s important to have a balanced meal when you’re under the weather, and I think it applies to this too.” He stops when he notices you just looking at him. “You alright, babe?”

“Yeah, I just- why did you get all this?” you blurt out. 

For the first time since you’ve known him, Jamie looks unsure of himself. “I dunno. I mean, I do know. You didn’t sound great over the phone, and Keeley’s always telling me to fucking listen to other people, and me mum was always the same on her period so I used to get her the things she wanted all the time. And-” he takes a breath, “and I picked up on what you said. The fuckin’ four-months shit. That ain’t good babe. Even I know that. And, we haven’t been together that long, but I’m pretty fucking sure you know that too, and I wanted to let you know I’m sorry.”

You’re momentarily fixed on the way he says certain words. Keeleh. Sorreh. It’s sweet, for some reason, and it causes a dull ache in your chest. You realize what he’s actually said to you and that ache deepens. You’d kiss him if you weren’t sure your breath was gross. 

So instead, you settle for nodding and staring at your kitchen wall. That’s because option one is kissing and option two is crying. You can’t do either right now.

A traitor tear slips out your eye anyway, and you hope Jamie won’t see it. He does. 

“Hey, hey.” He comes around the counter and pulls you into a hug, blanket shroud, messy bun, and all. “Love. It’s alright. It’s alright. You’re not alone, and we’re going to go sit on the couch and eat as much food as we can and then pass out, alright? We’re not going to think about anything else except what’s right in fuckin’ front of us.”

“That was,” you sniff, “weirdly philosophical. And very sweet. And I’m sorry for being disgusting.”

Jamie pulls away from you, and you think this is the first time he’s realized how gross you are. 

“Don’t say that shit, babe,” he says, and you laugh before you realize he isn’t joking. 

“I’m serious,” he continues. “You might feel disgusting, but you aren’t. You smell like fucking lavender, for Christ’s sake. Your pajamas are clean, and so’s your hair. Might be fuckin’ messy right now, but me mum also taught me to braid, so it’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”

You pull him back against you and let some more tears come out. 

“Why are you being so nice,” you ask, voice muffled through his sweatshirt. 

“Oh, dunno,” he replies, hint of a smile in his voice, “Think you’re fit. I like shower sex. You pick.” He pauses. “Maybe both. Heard that it can help with cramps.”

You laugh wetly into his chest. He’s warm and comforting, and so completely not what you expected him to be. You both stand in the kitchen for another minute, his cheek resting on your head before he says, “Oi, you hungry?”

“God, yes,” you say, “I could eat a fucking horse.”

“Good.” Jamie picks up the bulging bag of takeout and a roll of paper towels. “Lead the way, babe.”

—

It’s not until much later, after you’ve eaten, watched a movie, and showered (and all that implies) that you realize you’re finally tired. Finally calm. You let yourself relax on your bed in Jamie’s arms, breathing in his clean smell. In, out. In, out. By the third breath, you’re asleep. 

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Being Team Japan’s Manager:

Miss Manager is Great with Kids

Team Japan x Female Manager (she/her)

Warnings: swearing, obviously kids (sometimes they are scary 🫣)

Request here

AN: I apologize if this isn’t the best 😅

You know what’s really funny YN?

The similarities between being Team Japan’s manager and working in a preschool

Honestly it’s pretty much the same thing

Iwa drops the kids off for their morning practice

Yaku yells at them, scolding them for not playing nicely with the other team members

You have to remind them to eat and take bathroom breaks

Essentially, the same 💅

Which is why your transition from teaching to being team Japan’s manager was so easy

The guys 👉🏻 instantly love you

Was there really any doubt?

Of course, some of them *cough* ATSUMU *cough* HOSHIUMI *cough* make it their life goals to be hard on you

You can’t tell me they aren’t annoying and finicky about literally everything 🙄

But once again, it’s fine because you’ve dealt with snotty, marker covered kids pretty much your entire life

Literally these guys have nothing on a group of 3 year olds

The guys never really asked much about your previous job, not really caring much about where you came from before you started with them

Aran would occasionally bring up the subject but you’d just shrug, answering, “a little of this, a little of that.”

Let’s be honest, there’s no conversation that doesn’t involve volleyball lasting for more than 5 seconds in the Gym

Especially with Atsumu, Kageyama, Hinata and Bokuto

Guys really think that other occupations don’t even compare to Volleyball so why waste the time talking about it

However 👀 the boys would soon find out just how much they should have asked about your prior employment

Because you see, Kuroo had a little something up his sleeve to help promote Team Japan

“Come again?” Asked Gao

“A kids camp! Ages 4 to 9!” Kuroo excitedly explained

“Count me out,” Sakusa groaned

“You really think it’s a good idea for little kids to be running around while we practice?” Kageyama questioned

“Well you would t be practicing, it would strictly be for the kids,” Kuroo responded

“NO PRACTICE!” Screamed Atsumu, Kageyama, Hinata and Bokuto in unison

Iwa narrowed his eyes as you tried to keep a straight face, “listen here, if you don’t participate, I’ll have coach bench you and give your number up!”

The group immediately straightened up as Kuroo smirked

“Maybe it won’t be so bad? I mean it’s only for a couple hours right?” Komori responded

The guys all nodded as you tried your best to keep your composure

A week later, the camp was underway and let’s just say, it was going about as well as Seijoh’s chances of going to nationals 🫠

“Oh my go- gosh!” Atsumu shouted, stopping himself again from nearly letting out a bad word in front of the children

“These kids are actually feral!” Hoshiumi screamed, trying to wrangle two kids who were throwing volleyballs up into the bleachers

“I thought these kids were suppose to like volleyball!?!” Aran asked

“I never said that,” Kuroo chimed in, as he and Akaashi watched form the sidelines

Akaashi was there to do a special report on the teams event as well as take in the free entertainment

Bokuto and Hinata were rolling around on the floor, attempting (huge emphasis on ATTEMPT) to show the kids receiving

Sakusa was sitting with a group of kids who were “too cool” for this

Ushiwaka had already made 3 kids cry just by walking up to them

Iwa had left to cool down because he was at his breaking point

And you, well you had seen enough

Suddenly, Kuroo watched as you grab the microphone and headed to the middle of the gym

“Hey kids, who wants to see a professional athlete serve?” You shouted as all the kids (yes I’m including the athletes) looked over at you

Suddenly, screams and shouts filled the air as all the kids flocked towards you

The guys, Kuroo and Akaashi, included all watched in wonder

“Ok we all need to sit in the chairs because this guys serves can be either really good or really bad. Atsumu, show them!”

Atsumu rn 👉🏻👁️👄👁️ HEY MY SERVES ARENT BAD!

“I’d say it’s 50/50,” Sakusa chimed in as Atsumu growled

“Hey how come I don’t get to show them my serves Yn?” Kageyama grumbles

“Tobio you’ll get a chance just calm down and wait your turn ok?”

After the show of serves, you again grabbed the kids attention

“Ok so who wants to try spiking??” You ask as a million tiny hands shoot up

“Ok everyone get in line, littlest to oldest, and we will all get a chance to practice!”

You made your way to the nets, team and children following you like little ducks as you began to coordinate

Iwa watched in awe as your skills, impressed at your ability to manage such a wide age range

I mean 💅 this is Yn Iwa, what did you expect?

After the event, the kids all came up to you after getting their autographs and gave you a big hug

“Thanks so much Miss Yn!” They all smiled as they ran to their parents

“YN why didn’t you tell us you were good with kids?” Yaku asked

You just shrugged, “it never came up.”

“I mean it makes sense, look how good she is with the other idiots,” Iwa said, nodding over to the feral group

“OMG YN THAT WAS SO FUN! Can we do that again??” Bokuto screamed, jumping up and down

“We deal with enough children daily so no,” Sakusa said, turning to leave going to the locker room

“What kids- HEY WHAT THE HELL OMI??” Atsumu yelled

You just smiled, knowing your boys were the best kids around 😌

[starberry-cupcake]

We are done with book 1, folks!!!

previously, in gideon the ninth

this happened

also, I was proven right about dulcinea (kind of)

just pointing that out again

final update of this book, it's gonna be a bit of a long one, folks (gideon, from inside my mind, where she is now living rent-free: "that's what she said!"):

we left off in the fight against not!dulcinea

yandere simulator twin w/inner chad was being used as a battery pad

regina george twin is at an unknown location

la gideon and my qp wife are fighting

harrowcita passed out

so basically not!dulcinea unlocks the big magnus archives entity monster harrowbean had previously locked

harrow wakes up to make a bone dome

for scale, this is the dome and mickey is gideon, but she's inside the thing

magnus archives junji ito monster keeps beating the dome from outside to crack it open like an egg

harrowbean starts to disintegrate from the inside because it's hard to make a bone spaceship earth and keep it up

camilla is accepting fate at this point, my poor beloved qp wife

but la gideon is not gonna give up

she's never gonna give you up

never gonna let you down

never gonna...

so harrow starts making a goodbye speech

reminding gideon to take care of the ninth and the barbie in the freezer

for the barbie reference, please go to this recap

but gideon is determined to come up with a plan

*very niche reference but "bien warrior" by miss bolivia plays in the background*

we all know this is a terrible idea because gideon's plans are always "punch really hard" and, in this case, that's a wild thing to do

but she does that

a metal version of that

she decides to, if I understand correctly (because description is scarce for various acceptable reasons) impale herself on the iron spikes inside the dome, to force Harrow to slurp her soul

so this is the situation

absolutely heartbreaking stuff

she's sort of ghost-placing herself behind Harrow to guide her using the sword

like this

and being all silly and gideon-esque and harrow is heartbroken and sad and it's all very very heartbreaking and I'm suffering

I'm ANGRY, OK????

IT'S NOT FAIR

I didn't even like gideon at the start

I complained about her for like a good first chunk of this book

I got mad at her for being dense and not following through with things

I got angry at her way of approaching situations and trusting people I didn't trust

I didn't totally vibe with her vibe most times

and then she made me like her and grow attached and NOW I HAVE TO SUFFER???

what's the point????? you make me like you and then you SACRIFICE YOURSELF?????

WHY??????

footage of me

anyway, it's fine, we're fine, everything's FINE

harrow and force-ghost gideon defeat not!dulcinea by aiming at the "issue" palmolive started

( @lady-harrowhark "paramedics" is actually a much better nickname, why didn't I think of that)

not!dulcinea crosses the veil, hopefully forever, good riddance bitch, you really did fuck everything up for petty reasons

harrow passes out

afterwards, harrow wakes up in like a sort of hospital situation or something like that

the space version of that

there's a man reading stuff in a tablet and a paper

a "flimsy", which I didn't know was something before this book (again, not a native English speaker, doing my best here)

the man has very specific eyes which I imagined in a way that I'm not sure is what it's supposed to be, but I'm gonna keep my version for now

this is the man of the hour, the emperor, many other titles I can't remember, the reason we all got together in the first place

harrow is upset, I'm upset, we're all upset

emperor sama over here can't do shit about it

according to him

which, what are you, the wizard of oz?

he's also like "forgive not!dulcinea, it was my bad" I WILL FORGIVE NOTHING

he says he can't bring gideon back without risking harrowbean as well

very limited for a man who claims to be god

who seems to have beef with a barbie in an ice cube

idk about this guy

so he tells harrow that he's gonna protect the ninth if she becomes lyctor because the universe is going to shit and he can't handle everything on his own anymore

you know what could have helped, my man? COMMUNICATION

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING AT ANY GIVEN POINT

anyway, harrow is, at this point, tired and sad and grieving for everything so she says ok

according to this guy, the only other survivor is yandere simulator twin w/inner chad who is missing an arm

very convenient for him, who needs lyctors

an didn't, at any point, explain anything

but they "haven't been able" to find the bodies of: la gideon, my wife and regina george twin

everyone else was, at least, partially recovered, as far as I remember he said

they're probably gathering pieces of palmolive from every carpet and piece of wallpaper

I am reluctantly gonna miss that guy

so there is hope that I'm not a qp widow yet and that la gideon might come back in some capacity, which I MEAN, COME ON

also, I don't know if people would be making such a fuss about her arms if her body wasn't of consequence anymore

because I don't know much about these books but I did know that coming in, that and skull make up were my two clues

and we still don't know where she came from and if she's a demigod

and why her hair and eyes are that color

I don't know, I'm unsure about this

I hold hope

keeeeeeep hoooooolding ooooooon ♪

I am sure regina george twin will be back because people have been cryptic about her in replies to my updates

and I hope camilla comes back because right now I'm like a victorian wife, standing at a lighthouse, waiting for her sailor to come back from the depths of the sea, throwing messages in bottles

final extra notes:

THERE WAS A GLOSSARY ALL ALONG

I COULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT IT

maybe it was better this way, though, but WHY DIDN'T I LOOK PROPERLY

PALMOLIVE WOULD KILL ME FOR THIS OVERSIGHT

now I know what thanergy is, what thalergy is, what bone magic and flesh magic differ in, can you believe???

I can summon my own construct and everything

it's the only way to make friends as an adult, after all

there is a guide for the names and I have been pronouncing more things right than I thought because many of these are based in Latin and I'm a Spanish speaker so maybe if I had just pronounced them as they sounded to me I could have remembered more names

there is also a list of salseo/tea from judith

I kept making comments while reading them

she was acting like camilla was of no consequence from the start

ALSO PROTOZOA HAD KIDS?????? WHAT????

man, poor dude, rip this guy we never really knew

she did read chad for filth, which is correct

but they were off about absolutely everything else

important ending commentary of the book:

as an ending side note

I'm going to just point this out, with kindness and utmost respect

like, much love and respect and warm regards

don't kill me for this

as an editor

I am enraged with the tagline they have in the cover of this book, now that I've finished it

the quote that's in the cover about lesbian necromancers in a victorian mansion in space and whatnot

it sells the book incredibly short and also tells you things you shouldn't be told because a) they aren't as clear cut as they make them out to be and b) you should be told none of that entering this book

best experience is to know absolutely nothing

like gideon

and since I have an ebook, I see that quote more prominently than any blurb

it reads like the short summary of a fic and it doesn't do it justice one bit

now that I've finished the book, I think this post was about it and I didn't know at the time, because that's fair

this book is very difficult to categorize because it seems to be using a lot of different references and mixing them together in a very personal and unique way to the author

but, because of that, it's a very unique take on different things

I think it stands very aligned with both core classics and more contemporary foundations, at the same time

and the narrative point of view is a bit at-odds with the complexity of the lore, which makes it a very brave first part of a bigger thing for an author to throw out there

and it works, as it is

it actually works well like that

however, as difficult as it can be to explain it, that tagline really flattens it to something that I don't think favors how much more of that it is???

I don't know, that's just my personal & professional opinion, but anyway

I need to go find the next one

you haven't seen the last of me!!!!!

[psychologeek]

Teaser on chapter 24!

Bc I loved it, and I think you would as well.

Edit: please, please let me know what do you think about this. Comments, #, rb - all goes.

If any of my followers is fluent in Arabic, I would highly appreciate it if you take a look and lmk what you think. Translating idioms is HARD.

Idioms I used/referenced to in chapter:

You play with cats, you find the talons - thousand words.

اللي بدو يلعب مع القط بدو يلقى خراميشه

Literal translation: Whoever plays with a cat will find his claws.

English equivalent: If you play with fire, you’re going to get burned.

Whoever has a head wound keeps feeling it

(I also considered "a book knows its reader" - which suits better to Jason, but is an Egyptian proverb, afaik.)

Darbk 'akhdar

دَرْب�� أخضر Lit. Your path is green.

Guan Tang Bao Zi - a dish from Keifung.

Anyway -fic!

That was a good day, he remembers. Father had been away on some mission with the Kryptonian and the warrior. Mother had taken him to an old restaurant, where no one knew them. Where they were just a mother and her son, eating and talking about school or football or whatever American kids talk about. Mother had then proceeded to ensure he hadn't lost any of his fighting skills. He had gotten to keep the dagger he gained in the battle. Yes, he knows she’d let him take it. That's irrelevant. Mother is a mighty warrior, and there is no shame in losing to her. They ate dinner at a Chinese place. They even had proper Guan Tang Bao Zi, served with a spoon, like Mother used to eat as a child. He can almost taste the sugared pear he ordered as a dessert. But every good thing must come to an end. 

And as they exit the restaurant, Mother takes him to an alley. There's someone already waiting there, sitting on his motorbike with his helmet on, one hand typing so.ething on his phone.  “Kiif kaan?” how it's been?  Mother asks as they approach the cyclist. “Tamam,” the man replies, distracted. fine. “Kiif zakhtak?” Mother asks.  How do you feel?  “Tamam,” the man's still focused on his phone. “Wa sahiblk?” Mother doesn't let go. and your friends? “Tamam, yā mama,” he finally put away the phone. “Kulu tamam. lā taqlluqī.” His voice is both irritated and loving as he finally turns to look at them taking off his black helmet, he smiles at mother. Fine, mom, everything's ok. Don't worry. “What will I do with you, Asfuri?” She mumbles, letting out a long sigh. “You kids and your phones.” “Hi–!” The man's mouth opens in an offended scream, but mother easily disarms him. “You are late, Ayuni,” she kisses his forehead. “I almost thought you were caught.” “As if,” the man rolls his eyes at her. “They wish. You taught me well.” “You play with cats, you find the talons,” she warns him fiercely. “I wasn't –” “How many explosions, uh? How many more then you really needed?” The man sighs. “How did you know?” “Whoever has a head wound keeps feeling it,” she reminds him. “You keep looking at your phone to see if it made it to the news yet.” “I'm sorry,” the man says. “I almost failed you. It won't happen again.” “Make sure it doesn't,” Mother is certain. “I will not lose you to such low-life creatures.” But her face are soft as she looks at Damian's brother. “Rukhi“ she kisses his right cheek. My soul “Mi Alma,” she finally kisses his left cheek. Jinsu's face is an interesting color. Almost as red as his war helmet, Damian notices. Mother takes a deep breath, and faces back at Damian.  “Yalla, Habibi,” she holds him. “It’s time to go.” (And if his arms hold her tightly, and his fists are closed behind her back– if he breathsher for nearly a minute, there's no one around to say anything about it. Except for Jinsu, but he'll never tell.) “Darbk 'akhdar, Galbi,” Mother says as she picks him up and helps him up the motorcycle. Travel safely, my heart. (He can do it alone, but her arms are soft and warm and long missed. He lets her help him.) "aetni bi'akhik, ya ibni,” she says. Take care of your brother, my son. “Dayamin,” they both reply. Always. (Damian doesn't look back as his brother takes them away from their mother.)

[living-lucid-dream]

Blind Pico AU (part six)

Part One

Previous

Next

The next morning, Pico frets to Boyfriend over Darnell and Nene's impending visit. He asks Boyfriend to help him call them so he can cancel before they arrive. When Boyfriend asks him why, Pico says that he doesn't want them to see him "like this."

Boyfriend asks "Like what?" to which Pico waves his hands around his eyes and snaps, "THIS!" He goes on to say that he's worried about how they will react to his new disability and that it would be better if NOBODY else he knows sees how bad off he is.

Boyfriend tells him that is a silly reason to turn away his friends, especially when they're already worried about him. "Besides, they're going to have to find out sometime...unless you plan on NEVER hanging out with them again."

Pico mumbles that might not be such a bad idea and is about to reiterate that he wants Boyfriend to call them when there is a knock on the door. Boyfriend takes both of Pico's hands and squeezes them as he says, "Hey. It's going to be fine. I know you can do this. I'm going to go answer the door." Pico sighs, "Fine" and plops onto the couch to pout.

Nene and Darnell come in and, after a cursory greeting to Boyfriend, find Pico sitting on the couch. Darnell tells him it's good to see him alive. Pico answers that he'd tell them the same, but (gesturing to his eyes) "you know...."

Nene sucks in a quiet gasp. "No. No fucking way. You'd better tell me that was an extremely shitty joke. You are not--"

"Blind?" Pico interrupts. "Sorry to break it to you, but apparently having drain cleaner dumped in your eyes will do that."

Darnell says, "OK...so how long until it clears up?"

Pico lets out a bitter laugh. "Are you serious? I just told you: I had drain cleaner dumped into my eyes. It's not going to 'clear up'!"

A few seconds of painful silence go by. Then Nene says, "Alright. Who do we need to kill?"

Pico slumps, admitting he doesn't remember who assaulted him. They press him to try to remember as much as he can about what happened after they left him backstage at the concert. Pico is irritable at first, saying "I already had to do this with the police and they couldn't figure out shit."

Darnell says, "Yeah? Well we're not the police. So spill."

Pico reluctantly recounts the little he remembers. ("You guys stormed off after biting my head off. Some stagehand came up and gave me a beer. I drank the beer. And then there's nothing.")

They push him to remember what the stagehand looked like, but Pico admits that he wasn't paying attention to details. He only remembers that it was a guy, average build, dark hair, wearing a stagehand uniform.

Nene says, "Wow, real helpful, Pico."

Pico snaps back at her that it wasn't as though he started the night knowing he should commit every inconsequential detail to memory because it might come in handy if some asshole decided to permanently maim him.

Realizing that Pico is on the edge of losing his cool, Boyfriend jumps in to change the subject. He reminds Pico that he has something he wants to give to his friends. Pico still seems annoyed, but he asks Boyfriend to go and get the things from his bedroom. Boyfriend goes to Pico's room and returns with Darnell's lighter and Nene's throwing star.

Nene and Darnell are surprised to see that Pico had their things. They tell him they'd been missing them since the night of the concert. (Somebody had taken them out of the lockers they'd stored their personal belongings in before the show.) They ask Pico why he had them and he explains that they were found with him in the dumpster.

Darnell and Nene both go quiet. Then Darnell says, "Son of a bitch. Somebody actually tried to frame us, huh?" Nene adds that she hopes Pico wasn't dumb enough to fall for it. When Pico fails to immediately disavow her of this, she says, "Wow, Pico, give us some credit. I mean, baseball bats and drain cleaner? That's hardly our M.O." (Darnell adds "Yeah, man. You know that if we wanted to kill you, we would have made sure to finish the job!")

They all laugh at this (with the exception of Boyfriend, who isn't sure what to think of the gallows humor) and the tension in the air fades. Then Nene says, "So you really don't remember anything between drinking the beer and waking up in the hospital?"

Pico affirms that is the case. Darnell says, "Naw, man. Those memories are in there somewhere...how do you feel about hypnosis?"

Pico shrugs, saying he doesn't really believe it works. Darnell says that "Yeah, most of the hypnotist shows where they make people do stupid shit like bark like a seal is bogus. But it can help people remember things their conscious mind forgot. It might be worth a shot."

Pico asks Darnell when he started getting into all this woo-woo crap and says (assuming it works as advertised, which it doesn't) he's not about to let some rando mess with his head. Darnell tells him it wouldn't be some rando: it would be him.

Pico asks Darnell "Are you for real?" Then, when he doesn't answer, he laughs and says, "Yo, Nene, Bee! Darnell's extra-smart big-brain has finally turned on him. I mean, for crying out loud, hypnotism?"

Boyfriend quietly replies, "Actually, I think you should try it." Pico is incredulous, but Boyfriend goes on to explain that they still have no leads as to who the assailants were. "Maybe this will shake something loose enough for us to figure it out."

Pico turns to Nene, now taking on a pleading tone as he says, "Nene, you agree that this is a stupid idea, right?"

Nene just says, "I dunno. It's better than anything we have now, which is bum-fuck nothing."

Pico grumbles that he can't believe he is doing this, but agrees to let Darnell try hypnotizing him.

Minutes later, Pico is laying down on the couch. Before Darnell begins, Pico implores Boyfriend not to let Darnell or Nene make him do anything stupid and to "kick Darnell in the nads" if he tries. Then Darnell begins giving Pico instructions to relax and focus on his breathing. After several minutes, Pico does seem to relax--so much so that Boyfriend thinks he must have fallen asleep.

Darnell shakes his head and says he doesn't think so. He asks Pico if he can still hear him and Pico says he can. Then he starts trying to direct Pico to recall what happened just before he drank the beer, specifically, any memories about the stagehand. Pico stays quiet for a long time. Then he says he was about my height. Dark hair. Average build. And he had a weird tattoo on his wrist...like some kind of round maze...."

Boyfriend whispers "Oh my god it's working..." Nene and Darnell seem to be just as surprised as Boyfriend. Then Darnell tells Pico to try and remember anything about what happened after he drank the beer. Pico seems to tense up a bit and says "No." Darnell reminds Pico to relax and that he's safe. Then he again directs Pico to remember what happened after he drank the beer. Pico whispers in a small voice that he doesn't want to. Darnell asks him to try.

Pico whimpers a rapid narrative that he can't move and he can't talk, that there are "things" around his wrists and legs, that he's laying on something hard...and then he starts to scream.

Boyfriend immediately runs to him and tries to shake him awake, but Pico's screaming turns into sobbing. Over Pico's shrieks, Boyfriend yells to Darnell to wake him up--now!

Darnell shakes himself out of his momentary stupor and quickly directs Pico to be fully awake and alert. Pico's screams stop, but the stress of the experience has triggered a hallucination of sorts and he is still thrashing against Boyfriend. He yells at Boyfriend, "Let go; DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!" When Boyfriend tries to reach for his hand, Pico takes a wild swing, punching Boyfriend on the nose and knocking him back so he falls onto the coffee table and snaps it in half.

It's at this moment that Girlfriend bursts onto the scene. First, she sees Boyfriend sprawled over the destroyed coffee table. Then she sees Pico curled up in a quivering ball, pulling at his hair and whispering, "Shut up, shut up, I know you're dead, goddamn it shut up!" Then she sees Nene and Darnell standing around looking contrite. With her eyes just short of shooting flames, she demands of them, "What. The hell. Happened?"

Boyfriend comes to their defense, explaining that they were only trying to help and they didn't mean to give him a bloody nose or to hurt Pico or to break the coffee table into smithereens. Darnell and Nene elaborate that they were attempting to help Pico remember anything that would help them figure out who hurt him.

Meanwhile Pico seems to be calming down. He is no longer curled in on himself and he's stopped whispering. Girlfriend asks him if he's alright. He says that he thinks he is now and asks if they got anything helpful.

Boyfriend says that he told them a little more about the stagehand guy. Pico notices Boyfriend sounds like his nose is stuffy and asks him what happened. Boyfriend says, "Uh...you kinda-sorta decked me in the face."

Pico groans and apologizes for hurting Boyfriend. ("Thought you were Hanzou, that little creep. Can you believe that?") Darnell says, "No, I'm sorry I pushed you that far. Shit, you even said you didn't want to remember any more. I should have listened to you."

With the mood still tense, Girlfriend decides to show everybody what she has brought with her for Pico: it's a lavender fragrance mist, meant to promote relaxation. She says "I thought since you're still having nightmares it might help you sleep better. Mom absolutely swears by this stuff. Here, take a whiff!"

Girlfriend sprays the lavender scent. Darnell and Nene agree that it smells nice, and Boyfriend says it must be pretty strong because he can smell it even with his nose puffing up. But the effect on Pico is immediate and extreme. His whole body seems to tense and he starts breathing faster, almost to the point of hyperventilating. Then he starts to tremble and sweat.

Girlfriend freaks out, thinking that Pico must be allergic to the spray, but Nene and Darnell realize he's having a panic attack. They usher him away from the couch (against Boyfriend and Girlfriend's protests that "he shouldn't move if he's that shaky!" and "you're going to make him pass out!"), and into the kitchen. Once away from the scent, Pico starts to calm down again. When he is able to speak, he expresses bewilderment and embarrassment that he "had a complete shit fit over some froufrou perfume. What is wrong with me?"

Darnell asks Girlfriend if he can take the bottle of lavender spray. She glances over at Pico, who is irritably swiping beads of sweat off his face, and tells him to take it (it's not like they're going to be using it for Pico.)

Darnell and Nene say goodbye to Pico, Boyfriend, and Girlfriend. Once outside, Nene says, "Never pegged you as a fan of woman-y perfumes." Darnell says he doesn't plan on using it and tells her to take a good look at the bottle. The logo on the bottle looks like a fancy sponge with the words "Cyril's Squeaky Clean Shoppe" printed on it.

Nene gives a venomous grin and says, "Ooh, it looks like we're going to be visiting an old friend after all!"

[snowandwolves]

hi hello! tis the lengthy ask anon back after a length of time. it is now ... wow almost the end of march. why is time like this?!? how has this first quarter of the year been for you? got some crispy lettuce? and rest??

it's been a rollercoaster for me and tbh there were some days when i couldn't read the lighthouse au because it just cut too deep, does that make sense? but things are a bit better now, so i'm back with questions! as always, feel free to skip whatever of these don't bring joy <3

do you think suzanne would ever entertain tours of the lighthouse? does she already?

during that dinner they all had together and mary and ava went out, do you have an idea of how that talk between bea and lil (with cam mediating? eating popcorn?) would've gone? (also i still love that transition: "Everything's fine. — everything is, in fact, not fine.")

how often does ava bring up the "topping" mistake? and how often do does she make them have ice cream so can talk about topping(s) in general?

had bea called suzanne mom before ava said it?

during their time apart, do you have an idea of a moment or two when bea missed ava?

what was the most played song on that playlist you mentioned?

how'd you come up with the title btw? also did you find it easy to come up with a title?

hope spring brings some good things for you!

end of… march… lengthy ask anon, i am so genuinely sorry it’s taken me this long to respond to this 😭 i was dying from summer, got awfully sick twice, and weathered a few life events akdbskd so i guess that answers how the past quarter(s) have been for me 💀 in between, i did get crispy lettuce, some truly jaw-dropping sunsets (i saw iridescent clouds for the first time in my life and deadass sobbed in the middle of the street), and somehow made it through things. i’m still alive and grateful i’m alive 😂

but ok, questions!

1. i’m not sure about that one actually, with her hip and all. but i’m thinking it’d be ava’s great idea that she’ll regret pitching bec who else is supposed to help suzanne and bea set up tours and stuff? 😂 then she’ll, ofc, sign up to be a tour guide, in which case bea will catch her showing off the leather strips in the everything-shed and promptly marching over to cut off whatever unholy thing ava was gonna say about them 💀

2. that talk would’ve been heated, to say the least. i was thinking lilith is the type of person who holds on tight to the people she lets in and bea could misinterpret that as something controlling bec of her childhood. they’d say almost-hurtful things until lilith spits it out for her: “i’m not stopping you from trying to live your life. i’m just asking you to stay, too. i’m worried, and—afraid.” to which bea would pause, look at her friend as her friend and not as a reminder of people she’s not, and say: “i’m not going to forget you, lilith. i’m not going to love you any less than i do now. and if you think that i’m leaving and never coming back here, then think again. this is my home. you’re part of the home that i chose.”

3. SO THIS IS GOLD 😂 what if it’s winter a year later and ava wants ice cream because “i feel like i haven’t reminded you about topping in a while” and bea’s like “must you remind me? after last night?” and ava’s like “if it gets you to blush or gets me a repeat performance, yeah. win-win.”

4. slip of the tongue. unacknowledged but known, you are my mom, and you are my daughter. something allowed and welcomed and only told by the face suzanne makes every time bea says it 🥺

5. bea tries to read a book during her appointed time for a break. her thoughts catch up to her, the way they couldn’t when she was busy thinking about generators and weather reports. and she sits there, open book on her lap, gaze worlds away, trying to sink into the quiet and wondering why it isn’t as peaceful as she remembers it being, before ava came and made a habit out of asking her to read out loud. she cries, just a little. of course, she does.

6. oh gOD. there were so many honestly. i’ll do a top five because it would be a crime to pick 😂 Far From Here by Emmit Fenn (bec i love the intro and the vibes), Silence by Before You Exit (for all of the soft avatrice scenes), Calme by Ever So Blue (for all the quieter, more tender scenes), What a Wonderful World by Reuben and the Dark and AG (this version specifically for the whole storm scene), and Rein You In by TENDER (for the horny) 💀

7. NO, I DID NOT FIND IT EASY TO COME UP WITH A TITLE OR ANY OF THE SOUL-EXTRACTING AO3 ASKED OF ME BEFORE I CAN EVEN POST THE FIRST CHAPTER 😭 i think i was trying to figure out how to relate it to the lighthouse and ava’s journey. it’s honestly longer than my usual titles but at that point, i’d agonized over everything else AO3 wanted that i was just like “fuck it i can’t think about this anymore” 😂

lengthy ask anon, i’m gonna try to respond to your other asks slowly 💀 i’m still sorry it’s taken me so long and please know that i waited to answer these because i wanted to be fully present for it. these still bring me joy, and i appreciate you for it. i hope you’ve been doing alright, that this quarter isn’t as difficult as the others 🥹💙

[simcardiac-arrested]

can i ask some stuff aboutyour ocs you mightve already said/shown at some point on the askblog . thank you in advance either wayyy

how does NS even "know" to blame NWB for his suffering? how well does he remember the conflux fuckening?

it seems like FTA has seen NS at their happiest post-trauma, which is. sad. why does he hate them?

does Wayback intentionally self-isolate from the rest of his group, cuz it seems like at very least WT would try and humor him, and CD wouldn't care about his productivity.

WAIT IS CD IN THAT ONE ARTIST COMIC WITH NS PRE-VIRUS CD? REAL? actually do their groupmates feel like.. upset about the change in *her*? ok sorry i know this is so many asks are not the best way to do this but i am runnin g away

hi ! totally fine. probably have revealed some of this stuff already but i have the memory of a dust particle so idgaf we Will talk about this once more

1. i think sep remembers that it was wayback’s ‘fault’ because well, that’s Licherally how it all started. like the reason they went through all of this at all was cuz they had to take wayback’s workload as well. i think waves would often talk about how sep needs to be Better than that useless green bitch. but mainly i think that everytime sep would be forced to overwork themself they would also see wayback just doing nothing and having fun and whatever and they’d be Reminded. re: how well does sep remember the conflux fuckening … i will be honest it’s tricky to explain and i feel like anytime i do it 1. completely changes 2. doesn’t make 100% total sense. but also i think that’s ok ^_^ i don’t need it to make total sense i just need u guys to get the gist of it. because like … well memory problems and/or loss in Human brains already kind of works weirdly. and with sep he is both biological and mechanical and literally One Big Superbrain; so basically i’ve always imagined that while his memories and files can just be erased with no consequences like how it would usually happen to a normal computer, i think the biological part of him would always Know to some degree and be aware. i think the best way i’ve ever explained it is that it’s like walking into a mall in the middle of a weekend and seeing it empty. it just feels off, like something is missing, like there should be People there, because it’s 2pm on sunday and everyone fucking loves malls. but there’s no one. you can Tell something is wrong and something is missing but you can never fully Understand, just follow your deja vu and gut feelings. i hope that mostly makes sense!!

2. first of all, fates is just a really reserved and negative person and a Professional Hater, so she can find reasons to hate almost anyone for almost anything. it comes naturally to her. the surface reasons for hating sep would be that he is generally annoying and can be condescending even while helping fates. she just doesn’t really like him as a person, she thinks he Sucks. but the deeper reasons … well. let’s just say maybe fates and wayback have more parallels than u might think (said by a guy who barely draws attention to these parallels (I’M SORRY WE JUST HAVENT GOTTEN TO THAT PART YET !!! UEAHGHH) (completely unrelated. Hi skiddles hi steven)))

3. nope, wayback only self-isolates when he’s Going Thru Shit, which i understand is like 100% of the time but you know what i mean — the thing with his local group is that he’s an Enigma to them. they do not understand him and like a good half of them think he’s just annoying (ris, fta, sep(???)). also to be fair wayback is just not super interested in all the iterator business so he barely checks the local group (even if he dislikes being lonely). and while wt does try to humor him most of the time they are also Quite Old and do not really get what the fuck he is on about 80% of the time. also they honestly just have bigger things to worry about. now with cd it’s a different deal because she and wayback would make amazing buddies, it’s just that she’s actually a really big fan of his weirdass music and therefore is way too shy to ever actually talk to him. also she thinks if she does become friends with him then the whole group will hate her because they all seem to dislike wayback to some degree. she whines to weaving about this often and they just go No one would dislike u man … but she doesn’t believe them. she’s quite peculiar if i do say so

4. yesss cd used to be sep’s artist buddy! and uhmm. to be honest i don’t think most of the group knew cd that well before (ris and soar are not huge fans of interacting and son isn’t either) and/or just don’t really gaf about what happened (fta and ris once more). so yeah don’t even worry about it. i mean i’m sure Someone is upset about it . don’t know really. Who said that. must’ve been the wind

[aromanticmara]

1989tv review

wtny is so. eeeeeeehw why is it so low? idk music terms but it’s bad and seems like she tried to make it worse? 

blank space is the opposite of wildest dreams in this case. the background is too loud for her singing. or maybe not too loud my ears just don’t care for the background level compared to her voice. also the harmonies she tried to do towards the end didn’t blend very well? i don’t know how to describe it 

style ok i didn’t mind this one but i feel like she could have a little more emotion. i know you can’t do anything about her having a more mature voice but i think she’s trying to give it more pep with harmonies instead of emotion if that makes sense

out of the woods was enjoyable the bridge was good i enjoyed it

ayhtdws i need to stop comparing this to the og but it was fine i guess. not a good song if you didn’t know the og tho that’s important 

shake it off i mean you can’t rlly mess this one up so 👍

i wish you would suffers the same fate as style

bad blood hm sounds like a girl band is singing this. anyways pretty true to the og

wildest dreams was good

hygtg is interesting. i don’t like the super fast drums in between verses. but i love the oh oh ohs in the middle. i liked this one

this love sounds auto tuned sorry

i know places was never my fav when i was little but i like this one. def a different color than the og tho

CLEAN MY BABY!!!! instrumentals are very good but her ah ahs are not enjoyable to me. chorus was good 2 me. idk it’s good for not being the og. does it justice i guess i’ll say

wonderland is very similar to the og so i can’t complain

you are in love was good. i miss this song. it’s still here but i miss the time where i listened to it on repeat 

new romantics…. very fun i like the backgrounds. love the ah ah ahs! i like the more childish sound to them

slut! please stop making your vault songs sound like midnights 

say don’t go. i liked it actually i enjoyed it. reminds me of one red vault song but i can’t remember which

now that we don’t talk.. same thing w slut! still midnightsy

suburban legends. i let it slide like a hose on a slippery plastic summer LMAO what. also what is with her obsession with the 50s

is it over now. FUCKING SAME ISSUE AS SLUT! midnights is making this so hard. only the chorus saves it from the midnights allegations 

[anjumbai]

Before the Coffee Gets Cold: Tales from the café by Toshikazu Kawaguchi

"We can never truly see into the hearts of others. When people get lost in their own worries, they can be blind to the feelings of those most important to them."

I picked up the second book. Unintentionally. Not my fault, ok. I was just picking up book from Islamia Library and I thought I do need a short story book so I picked this one up. Without realizing that the first book was right next to it. Silly me, but anyways.

Funiculi Funicula, a coffee shop in Tokyo, one can travel back in time once served coffee by one of the girls of the Tokita family. There are a few rules including: 1. the person you're about to meet should've visited the cafe at least once, 2. you cannot change the present no matter how you try or what you try, 3. you must sit in the one chair assigned to travelers and you cannot leave it once you're in the past or future and 4. you must finish the coffee before it gets cold. Forgive me if I missed any.

The following rules bring up a lot of questions and the most significant one in my mind was that "can I simply not take something like a heater to keep it warm?" and the book simply replies no you cannot. Which is fine, because it's a magical realism book and I do not wanna question the laws of time travel behind it. The rules provide us with a beautiful sequence of short stories that probably can be read as standalones. I'm not saying this because I bought the second book first don't look at me.

While it can be read as standalones, the cast of the cafe owners and workers remain the same and I think they are a good addition to this long series of books. It provides you with a familiarity, that each time you pick a new book, there are people you can recognize, there are people to return to. Which is why book series work so great, that feeling of familiarity. The recurring faces of the cafe are Nagare, his daughter, the absolutely adorable Miki and the heavy hearted Kazu, who we sympathize greatly at the end of this book.

I'll take this moment to talk about my favourite character, Miki. The six year old girl turning seven in the final half of the book, who made me smile tremendously every time she entered the room. She sometimes becomes French, changes her attitude towards other in a way a child would when they learn new things, and she is filled with impatience and hope to be the next pourer of the coffee, to let people go to the past. She probably just wants to feel important and that's just so innocently childlike that I cannot help the urge to just be in her company. Here is a series of dialogues between her and her father, Nagare, regarding the first time she pours coffee. She thrives in the at her moment of "my time has come". I found it so funny so I cannot help but share it:

"Is it you, monsieur, who wants to return to the past?" "Miki, please, speak proper Japanese," said Nagare, aghast at her attitude. But Miki tsk-tsked him with a wave of her finger. "That is not possible, moi (nobody knows why she calls herself moi) is not Japanese," she retorted. Nagare gave an exaggerated frown as if he had been expecting such a response. "Oh, what a shame! It is a rule of the cafe that the person who pours the coffee must be Japanese." "ONLY KIDDING. I'm Japanese."

I laughed out loud at a moment in a book, and it's just great how my imagination could make this scene so funny to me. And Toshikazu Kawaguchi surprised me with his remarks about the contrast of Miki and the seemingly cold Kazu. The line was: "If people had auras whose colors were somehow visible, there is no doubt that Kazu would be surrounded by pale aqua, while Miki's would be orange."

A flutter of emotions and memories grasp my mind and I'm reminded of how much I love the color orange.

Will buy the rest of the books cause I love having something casual to read and just enjoy myself. Short stories are great in the busy world I created for myself. 7/10, I'll probably look for the first and third book soon.

[livvyofthelake]

please talk about your fuckass book you just finished <3

ok yay :) i literally neeeeeed to talk about it in relation to other books i’ve read recently so that’s what i’m gonna do here i heart making every book a conversation with each other… so you’ll all have to forgive me for comparing call me by your name to the dream thieves of raven cycle fame but i need to. its a comparison that literally begs to be spoken about. to me. i also need to compare it to the secret history and the sun and the star and most importantly. well we all saw the timeless video. we need to get into that as well!!

obviously what sets it apart from all of my genre bullshit is that it is NOT genre bullshit, like it's just set in italy 1983 in the normal universe. which made it one of the most unique books i've read this year to be honest and real.... i have NOT been reading normal ass books... earlier i compared elio's narration to the great gatsby but i literally have just only read very few real world narrative novels i've got gatsby, richard, and this i guess. i'm working on it though!

anyway it was veryyy richard core in the sense that it's being narrated from some point in the future where elio is reflecting on that summer and oliver and what it meant to his life at large, where richard does the same thing with narrating his time at college with his greek class and bunny's murder. reflecting on two very different things unless you wanna look at it with the keen eye of a total nutcase and then i could say that they're both simply reflecting on what it was like to be seen and known by someone who turned out to not be what you hoped and you didn't end up with him despite it all. richard papen you would have loveddd call me by your name... wow. elio pearlman you would have loved the secret history...

it was ALSO very the dream thieves core in the sense that um. well me when i'm gay and having kind of a hard time working with that and there's a guy who's just like me in a bad way who wants to fuck me so bad we both look stupid as hell... but through it all there is the through line of intimacy that comes from being Recognized… rip joseph kavinsky you would have LOVED call me by your name!!!!!!!!!!! (would ronan lynch love cmbyn? well no!)

i ALSO only wanted to talk about it in relation to the sun and the star because they’re both like. ok Gay Representation is not a genre but they’re both books about gay people that i read recently so like. yeah. it’s crazy how glaring the difference between those two books is for things that both get tagged “lgbtq+” on storygraph or however many of those letters that website uses idk. like one of them is clearly written so some dude could pat himself on the back for giving the kiddos Representation in his stupid ass franchise and the other is just some fuckass book written by a totalllll freak that happens to be about gay people. in essence one made me so mad to read and the other was fine. i would never go so far as to describe a man’s work as great though. chappell roan voice i don’t think men make good art. !!! and i really believe that sorry. when a man impresses me i will let you all know but it is very rare…

which brings us to the timeless video. for everyone who somehow missed that that means (you’re fake btw 🙄) the timeless video is an amv i made last summer when i wanted to make an amv for my guys from my books but obviously they’re from books. so what i did instead was gather a bunch of characters from movies and shows that reminded me of MY guys and edit them to taylor swift’s timeless. because it’s like. other lives and i see them in everything. anyway so elio and oliver made it into the timeless video despite all the sort of mean stuff i’ve said about oliver lately (not even my fault he fuckin sucks btw) and the fact that their relationship is not like. Endgame. BECAUSE of my favorite scene. from the movie not the book. this scene was lame as hell in the book it’s the part that made me go wow i think perhaps the film is much better!! the “is it better to speak or to die” scene… i talked about it earlier but genuinely that happened to my buddy kit herondale…. and then he said something and it didn’t go very well!!!!

anyway. yay i <3 blogging on my break at work!

[wasted-my-time]

By the fireplace

@make-me-your-animal I said it would be a quick one!

___________________________________________

California is supposed to be sunny all the time, isn't it? So tell me why did the sun have to go on a strike on the very first day of my holiday! Or my last day of work, it depends on how you see it...

I get home, drenched because of the rain and sigh as I kick of my shoes in a wet suction sound. Yuck!

-So it wasn't that good of a day, innit? I hear Phil asking from the kitchen.

-Do you have other understatements?

-Maybe this will help. He comed up to me with what seems to be twk cocktails, which is... Surprising, to say the least.

-Made with alcohol-free gin that Sav recommended me. He explains in response to my puzzled face.

-Oh, fine then! But I'm gonna' change first. I answer and point at my soggy clothes.

-Sure, I'll wait for you in the living room!

Of course, when I return to join him, this time in the comforting dryness of a pair of sweatpants and one of his old T-shirts, he's got his guitar with him and is sitting on the edge of the brick fireplace.

-How cheesy is this going to get?

-Not that much actually, since I've been working on songs here for the whole day.

-And I thought it was all for me. I pout and sit on the couch to take a sip of my drink, which was waiting for me on the coffee table. You know what, Sav's a liar, this thing can't be fake. I joke.

-Yeah, that's what I thought too at first!

-So, show me that thing you've bee writing.

-I thought you'd never ask! Ok, so here's one I think you'll like, Joe has lyrics, he called it All We Need, but I only have the intro so far and it's not done and I'll probably change it and...

-Stop! Play it, then you can beat it up.

-Yeah, sure...

He starts this little jangly thing, reminding of a carillion in the wind. As he said it's just a short segment, but it is very nice.

-You were right when you said I would like it! But do you know what would make it better?

-No, tell me.

-I'll say it if you come here. I state the condition with a teasy smile.

-Alright. He accepts before resting his Telecaster on its stand and sitting just a foot away from me. What is it?

-No, closer. I insist and put my glass back on the table.

He closes the gap between us, then puts an arm around me and rests his head on my shoulder, looking up at me with those ever so blue eyes that makes me melt inside.

-Now?

-That's the missing thing. I finally say and plant a kiss on his lips.

-Now I think I have another song idea... He whispers after I let go of his mouth.

-Tomorrow. Right now, you're finding inspiration and nothing else, is that clear?

-Yes ma'am. He smiles and lay me down on the couch for another, much longer kiss.

[majoringinsarcasm]

OK SO NOT TO BE EVEN MORE DELUSIONAL if Bees don’t happen tomorrow it’s fine literally I’m not even worried bc I know it will this volume BUT LET ME GET UP ON THIS STEPLADDER TO REACH FOR A MINUTE (also for context I am getting the episode numbers from crunch roll I think they might’ve been slightly different originally on YouTube but it’s fine I’m already reaching)

Volume 1 Chapter 6: The Emerald Forest is when Blake and Yang locked eyes and became partners BEFORE they even joined a team. So in a world where team rwby never happened they would still be partners on another team. Also could be argued Blake picked Yang on purpose bc we see her dart by in the foreground. You know. Also side note but Yang asking the Grimm if they’ve seen a girl in a red hood vs Ruby asking Little if they’ve seen a girl with long blonde hair. Sisters, your honor.

Volume 2 Chapter 6: Burning the Candle. DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY MORE? Some could say it’s one of the defining moments of early series Blake and Yang, it’s so good you can just say the title and the ones who get it get it. Highlights are the laser pointer which I found personally fun, early volume humor I love you, hugging your sleep deprived stressed girl best friend and then saying you’ll save her a dance. Also shout out to shirtless Ren??? Forgot about that and Nora in the background pretending not to listen to him and Jaune talk lol. Also early volume Renora my BELOVED

Volume 3 Chapter 6: Fall is when the fake out leg break happens with Mercury which isn’t a Bees moment but that later sparks the conversation all the girls have about believing Yang really saw him attack first and Blake bringing up how this reminds her of Adam but deciding to trust in Yang anyway. Volumes four and five don’t have Bee moments tied to their respective chapter sixes.

However the bees are thinking about each other while they are apart, with Blake seeing Yang in Sun’s place when he’s attacked by Ilia plus Sun literally calling out that Yang would want Blake to be with her even when things are bad. And Yang’s “what if I needed her here for me?” when she and Weiss have their little heart to heart in V5.

Volume 6 Chapter 6: Alone in the Woods: a personal favorite of mine in general. They are at the farm, they are above the Apathy, Qrow gets his first big wake up call in terms of his alcoholism and how it affects his family. Yang grabs Blake by the hand to lead her out of the house even though she doesn’t really Need to and Weiss gets to torch the place because she also has a parental figure who struggles with drinking and it affects her. Love this episode a true banger.

Volume 7 Chapter 6: A Night Off: Blake and Yang are going dancing. Neither are very good at it and it’s very cute. Featuring a hand on the shoulder as Blake does her makeup and Yang sitting like a lesbian on the bed behind her and smiling as she does said makeup. Also Blake’s giggle she laughs at whatever Yang does. I love mutually down bad couples. Also Weiss watching half of her team be gay dorks and deciding to go to the movies with Oscar and Jaune bc she refuses to be a third wheel for another second. Highlight for me personally is the beginning when everyone is training I love shots like that I think it’s cute and fun and. I miss when they could act like this before. The Horrors truly set it. Also the beginnings of Ren semblance evolution and the Rosegarden crumb haha. Also Yang chasing after Blake and her shadows as they are fishing was also cute.

Volume 8 Chapter 6 is Cinder’s backstory but V8 does have the bee reunion face cradle and forehead touch as well as Yang’s conversation with Jaune that he mistakenly thinks is about Ruby, as well as Blake’s conversation with Nora about needing to know who you are outside of your relationship and how They don’t have to be all You are.

WHICH BRINGS US NOW TO VOLUME 9 CHAPTER 6. Not every cute or significant Bee moment is tied to chapter six and they have more than one movement to talk and have moments in each volume. I just had a lil breakthrough and wanted to check when they became partners and what chapter burning the candle was and went down a rabbit hole.

Again IF there’s no confession in like 10 hours do Not let the bad faith haters get you down. We are coming off a wild episode and I personally missed my boy Jaune so much and want to know what happened to him. We will see how all that plays out. But the evidence is there and has been for years and has been pointed out in universe so if it doesn’t happen it’s ok to be disappointed but please trust that it Will happen.

But if it DOES? No bigger bottles will be popped. We win either way; it just depends on when. See y’all on the other side!

[a-tale-of-legends]

Hmmm. Okay first, I suggest looking up the five man band trope. Overly Sarcastic Productions have some videos on it that I love, and was what honestly got me to this train of thought.

In the more recent games, the player seems to have gained a friend for each game they're in. XY is the most obvious,the rivals literally being categorized as friends, but after that the cast of kids surrounding the mc is noticeably bigger than previous games. Ok, when I thought about it more, I think this trend started with BW with Cheren and Bianca, but after XY the cast just became bigger up to three. Now, if you interpret the games with two protagonists like me, then you can find yourself in a spot with a group of 5, hence why I mentioned the five-man band. And within that five-man-band, there's the heart. So now I'm wondering who is the Heart of each game is ( among the friend group I mentioned earlier).

Tbh, this is just an excuse of me to talk about the five man band trope, cause when I learned about it for the first time I was hooked. I don't really use that trope- or at least don't follow it word for word, anymore. But it's a fun trope and I wanna talk about it.

Also. A protagonist doesn't always mean a leader. Most of the time, yes, but they would be other things as well. So let's start off with where this trend really kicked off

XY: The Heart of this group is pretty obviously Shauna. I mean like. Come on. She's the one who talks about doing things together, and pretty much wears her heart on her sleeves. She brings the group together! Shauna is The Heart of the group.

SM/USUM: Lillie. Easily. I was going to argue it's the protagonist, but they're the big guy of the group, the literal strongest one of the kids who handle the threats. Gladion is actually the leader, the only with an actual plan for certain things and actually takes the charge towards the Aether Foundation, and Hau is his lancer. Not all lancers are angsty loner types. The only thing missing is the smart guy, which can either be occupied by the other main protagonist if we are going with the dual protagonist thing, or Lillie doubles as the heart and the smart guy trope. ANYWAY. Lillie is the heart and a damn good one at that. She's the motivation for a lot of characters which then reminds the audience that they are, well, characters. Characters that grow and change. The protagonist doesn't really do that, huh? Yes, as the protagonist , characters change as you progress, but it was never really you who caused that. Lillie did. She's what brought Gladion and Hau together under a common goal, after all. So yeah, Lillie's The Heart.

Swsh: This one was hard, but I think The Heart is going to have to be the protagonist, and that's by a small amount. Cause realistically, the protagonist doesn't bring the group together. At most, it's them and Hop, but Marnie and Bede? Nah. Which sucks cause I genuinely believe that they all would be good friends post game. So why the protagonist? Well. Partly because the only other person that's a clear Heart is Sonia and that's towards her own friend group not the protagonist. And partly because on a way, while they didn't bring the rivals together, they did cause change that would eventually lead them to be. But still. Swsh feels like there isn't exactly a Heart among the main kids, which is fine. A trope is not exactly something to strictly follow, more like a suggestion imo. The characters and their dynamics are still interesting and they can still be friends despite of it.

SV: The protag again but much easier to figure out. Do. Do I really need to explain this one? I feel like I don't, but I'm going to anyway. Literally what brought the rivals together, as well as helping their character growth. Just look at everything during Area Zero, and you'll get my point. Shout out to Nemona for being a minor heart, since she does act as the peacemaker among Arven and Penny, and generally has shown more concern for the players well being ( despite always wanting to battle them). But overall she's The Big Guy/Gal of the group ( as in she's the muscle. They literally point this out in the game).

Bonus. BW: THE PROTAGONIST IS CLEARLY THE HEART OF THEIR FRIEND GROUP CHEREN AND BIANCA LITERALLY HAVEN'T INTERACTED WITH EACH OTHER IN 2 YEARS WHILE THE PROTAGONIST WAS AWAY. THE PROTAG WAS THE GLUE THAT BOUGHT THEM TOGETHER!!!!!!!

Ahem. Anyway. This was very self indulgent. If you read all of this, thank you!

[blueempty]

Me and the Pita Man are on a first name basis now

My review of today is I'm sooooo sleepy. Before work I played all of the new FF16 songs in Theatrhythm and without context I was thoroughly whelmed. They are good, I do not feel strongly. But I was glad to be playing Theatrhythm again its been a minute

Then I went to the Pita Man's Pita Hut. That isnt what its called but I'm so sleepy. He got a new card reader which rules for him but I missed the tip screen cuz I'm used to him handing me a receipt to sign so I had to try to find paper money in my wallet to give him even though he said it was fine. I've been going there for a long time and he's never let me down, I love that guy. Then as I was leaving he asked my name and then I asked his and our names are like two letters off. It was a good start to the day

But then it got BA- no it was fine. I had to go into the cleanroom again and ran into some trouble which was rough cuz I'm still very tired and dizzy but it wasnt a big deal. I thought about how much time I spend in there doing the job that a machine could do in like a 100th of the time it takes me all because my boss is too cheap to pay for fast delivery, but I get to just listen to music the whole time so its not that bad. I'm gonna be in Pinegrove's top 3% of listeners on spotify this year

Then we had a situation in the Barony community discord where some guy joined and started spamming racist memes and zoophilia and gore and stuff, which I always forget people still do, and I hurt my own brain trying to understand the motivation. Theres a type of person who spends real effort and significant time in their day just making the world worse, and theyre proud of it and I just dont understand how a person becomes like that. Or even to a lesser extent theres another person in there who just jumps between chats acting disinterested in what people are saying and calling them stupid, and when I asked them what their deal was today they were like its funny to annoy people. I was like brother it isn't annoying its just confusing lol. Like you could be cranking your hog or learning to tie knots right now but you're in a server for a game I assume you dont play replying "ok" to everything we say. What is the motivation, what do they gain

I think its one of those things where the scariest answer is "nothing" but thats likely what we're looking at. I just wish there were a way to like appear beside them irl and be like what are you doing man, to remind them that other humans are physically real and that my big bag of rocks I brought with me is also real

I know you the reader understands this but like just try to make the world a better place because you were in it. Leave things better than you found them. Nihilism be damned, I'll tellin you that things do matter, and its important to care about stuff. Irony poisoning is a real disease affecting our youth

My night sky pics came out bad so here's Mocha reading the internet

Peace and Long Life