#Which is a form of character arc I guess or at least it’s gesturing at one

[starryoak]

You know, it really is such a vibe that when I first played Danganronpa with a friend, literally every time I said I liked a character, not being that invested in spoilers, I was informed they died, and then after experiencing this at least five separate times, I then get informed when I ask, that the literal only two characters I actively wanted to see die lived.

[flawseer]

#30 - "Your Choice"

Smaugust 2024

I am very fond of the second arc protagonists. They are my favorite collective of plot focus characters, which may be evident by the fact that I've been drawing them more than any other in this challenge. They are a very charming group, even if a few possible character connections are vastly underdeveloped (Moon and Turtle, Winter and Turtle, and Winter and Kinkajou could probably form very strong bonds if they were explored).

The flipside of fondness is usually the formation of strong opinions. I think about these guys a lot. One thing I initially thought was fine, but then struck me as strange on a revisit was the ending of Moonwatcher's book. You have the group (sans Winter), who previously struggled to accept Moon for her unintentionally invasive powers, ostensibly overcome their mistrust of her and solidify their respective bonds with her. Kinkajou in particular tells her that, because she makes no secret of her thoughts anyway, it doesn't matter to her that Moon can read her mind. Up to there it is all very wholesome and heartwarming. Moonwatcher then decides to give them an out, sharing the secret of Skyfire as a way to block her powers. This is a good and very noble gesture, really showing her trustworthiness and respect for their privacy here.

But then they actually take her up on that offer, right after stating they are over their misgivings. I get why they do it--Moonwatcher's uncontrollable power is really inconvenient and annoying to be around--but backtracking 5 seconds later makes their previous declaration of acceptance ring a bit hollow. If I could make a choice here, I would really have liked this to turn into a long-running character arc for the group, where they gradually learn to trust Moon and eventually decide that they don't need the Skyfire anymore, taking it off for good. And Moon in turn could work on refining control over her power so she can be around her friends without accidentally reading every thought. Maybe all of that could have been a scene in the arc 2 finale. But at the very least I would have liked for Kinkajou to stick with her original declaration and reject the Skyfire outright, signaling to Moon that--contrary to her mother's words--the powers are not a curse and that she doesn't need to be ashamed of them.

I guess here is an idea for potential fanfiction: Make them chuck the Skyfire in the bin. Let Moon see that her friends choose to hang out with her even if they can't block her powers.

-----

Long comic today. Sorry it took a while to come out. I think this is the longest one I've drawn for this challenge too.

Just one more day and then Smaugust will be done. I hope you have been enjoying this so far. Thanks for sticking with me.

[strideofpride]

DAIR APPRECIATION WEEK 2021 DAY ONE: Why do you love Dan and Blair?

I broke down what I love about Dan and Blair into five parts under a read more below. The tldr is: their compatibility, their parallel arcs, their slow burn, the larger message it would've given GG if they were endgame, and finally their mature, adult relationship (aka "pure and simple love").

Warning: I basically wrote a fucking essay lmao. Cited my sources and everything.

I. Compatibility

Dan and Blair have great chemistry sure, but they have something that I don't think any other pairing on the show really had: common interests. They were pseudo-intellectuals who could talk about books, literature, art, etc. with each other ("Dan and I have a real connection. We did things like visit the Dia and debate Charbol versus Rohmer..."). And I know in TV world all anyone cares about is chemistry, but in the real world the key to a long lasting relationship is common interests.

And yet they are also still an opposite attracts pairing, just in the best way, where they are opposite in personality and background, but still share lots of common interests. Blair was the rich mean girl from the Upper East Side and Dan the "poor" loser from Brooklyn, but they still can relate to one another, they can still find stuff to talk about together, they still come to enjoy each other's presence and friendship.

And back to their chemistry: it isn't steamy chemistry 100% all the time (although they can certainly go there). Their's is a sweet chemistry, a chemistry where it's clear that they respect each other, that they know each other on a deep level, that they understand each other more than anyone else. It's a chemistry that you believe could lead to a satisfying marriage one day.

And I know I've said this before, but to me Dan and Blair are just soulmates.

II. Parallel Arcs

I am such a sucker for when two characters' life journeys parallel one another and Dair had that in spades. In season 1 especially, they were both dealing with the abandonment of a parent (Dan's mom/Blair's dad), they both lost their virginities and entered into sexual relationships with much more experienced partners (Serena & Chuck), and they both had their sights set on one school (Yale & Dartmouth - although come season 2 this became Yale for Dan, giving them even more in common).

I've also already talked on here about how you can parallel all of their other romantic/sexual relationships to one another, as well as how they both were abandoned by their best friends sophomore year. And, they both have a bad habit of going back to the same person over and over again (again, Serena & Chuck).

To me, Dan and Blair are almost narrative foils. Dan's relationship with his father starts out pretty solid but deteriorates over time - Blair's relationship with her mother is the exact opposite. Dan pines, while Blair loves to live in denial. Blair sees her life as a movie, Dan sees his life as a novel.

And that makes it all the more satisfying to see them come together, to learn to appreciate their differences, to accept their similarities, to see them grow together (albeit briefly) over seasons 4 and 5.

III. Slow Burn

A lot of people on here use this word incorrectly. If the characters kiss during season 1 (unless it’s under false pretenses) it’s not a slow burn! But Dan and Blair are a true slow burn (whether or not that was intentional).

From that hallway scene in 1x04, it's clear that Dan and Blair have a deeper connection and understanding of each other than they are letting on. We get brief glimpses into that in 1x15, 2x08, 3x18, and 3x22. All of that very slow build up makes it all the more satisfying when they become friends in season 4.

I truly think the W arc is the best written arc of the entire show. You very slowly see them accept their common interests, grow to begrudgingly respect one another, even begin to accept that there might be an attraction there. It never feels rushed, when they kiss in 4x17, it's earned (I use this word a lot - buckle in).

And then, yeah, the Louis arc was fucky (I stand by that they should've kept the love triangle Dan vs. Chuck, or Dan vs. Louis, all three was too much). But Dan standing by Blair through everything she went through that season was beautiful, to see her depend on Dan in her darkest moments, to see her realize that he's the one who will always be there for her...it just really, really worked.

And so that moment when Blair finally calls him "Dan" to his face, when it becomes clear they are finally going to be together...it's one of the single most satisfying moments in the entire show. Because, again, it was earned.

IV. Larger Message

As this video essay posits, the showrunners were left with a choice after the 2008 economic recession: "Either adjust to the times or lean further into an escapist fantasy where extreme wealth is the status quo...and lean they did. For the sake of providing their audience with an escape, the dark underbelly of extreme affluence became the show's core theme. The more it began to sell cynical opulence as standard escapism, the more the writers and fans turned on the less wealthy characters."

Furthermore, by revealing Dan as Gossip Girl, "It transitions him from pretentious soft boy to borderline sociopath, actively ruining the lives of his friends, family, and crush just to get a foothold in Upper East Side society. And then the show did something it had seldom deemed to do for a less wealthy character: it rewarded him...And thus, the show presented us with the most insidious message of all: wealth, privilege, and power corrupt...and that's okay."

By having Chuck & Blair and Dan & Serena as endgame, GG became one of the most cynical shows on the planet, where (to quote Constance Grady) "all relationships are transactional".

But yet: "The sole bright spot in the midst of this cold universe in which relationships are bought and sold like real estate came in the form of Blair’s brief season four romance with Dan...it marked the last hurrah of the first version of Gossip Girl: In a world in which money is so powerful that it makes romantic relationships indistinguishable from prostitution, Dan and Blair were working to create an authentic, meaningful bond outside of the influence of wealth and privilege."

If Dan and Blair had been endgame (and Dan hadn't been GG - although we all know that one is bullshit anyway), it would've been a rebuke to that ideology, it would've shown that there is more to a good marriage than a shared tax bracket, that a genuine connection is more important than wealth and privilege. That abuse does not equal love.

But alas, that was not the story they wanted to tell I guess.

V. Mature, Adult Relationship (aka "Pure & Simple Love")

I am personally not much of a fan of grand romantic gestures. I often find them shallow, childish, and showy. To me, it is far more romantic for Dan to have secretly written a book about Blair, for Blair to submit Dan's article to Vanity Fair, for Dan to say "it wouldn't to me" when Blair asks if it would matter if she was pregnant with another man's child (especially since this moment is (take a shot here), you guessed it, earned - we know he's being honest because we already saw him do this with Milo).

Now, I am personally not as much of a fan of the Met Steps moment as everyone else (Blair's desire to be royalty is probably the thing I like least about her), but that was probably Dan's grandest romantic gesture and yet...it's still so simple. It's really just a plastic tiara and a cab ride. Which is what makes it so beautiful. Because it's not about the money or the extravagance or showing off to anyone else...it's about Dan showing Blair he truly knows her. And to me, that's the healthiest way to do a romantic gesture.

I also love their bad sex arc in 5x18 because a) it's real - most real world couples don't have earth shattering sex the first time together, it takes time to learn what your partner likes and needs and b) because they actually (after getting drunk at Dorota's & Nate's) communicate about it and work out their problem like adults.

Because that's the thing about Dan and Blair - it's a real adult relationship. It's not a never-ending game of cat and mouse, it's not a fallback, it's not a bad habit...everything else just melts away when they're together. They grew and changed together...they learned to put aside their prejudices and see each other beyond their facades. They became better people together. They always had someone they knew they could turn to.

And that's what true love is supposed to be.

[cogentranting]

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and Mockingjays and Roses

*Warning: Full Spoilers for The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes*

Symbols are an important part of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. Symbols are used to mark the identities of different characters, define relationships, and provide thematic links to the original trilogy. The symbols work to create a tension in the story, a question of whether they complement or contrast. Symbolism is used to explore two of the most influential people in Snow’s life: Lucy Gray and Katniss. 

The various symbols associated with Lucy Gray are color, music, and birds. Each of these things plays a special role in the story and serves to distinguish her from Coriolanus. In a typical setting, love interests with different symbols could be understood to show how they complement each other-- opposites attract, two halves of a whole, etc. This novel lets the reader play with that interpretation for a large portion of the book; the story questions the relationship between them, wondering repeatedly how strong, or even how genuine, their love is. Ultimately, however, the contrasting associations sets them up for their final conflict and foreshadows the eventual destruction of both of them. 

At the first sight of Lucy Gray, she is in a “dress made of a rainbow of ruffles” (24). In her first interview she says “the Covey love color” (53). The Covey are all named with colors. Lucy Gray wears bright colors at all times. The snakes which end up being drawn to Lucy Gray in the arena are bright neon colors. The colors represent her exuberance, her love of beauty, her eccentricity, her freedom to stand apart. But Coriolanus is white. The absence of color, the opposite of all that Lucy Gray loves and represents. However, this symbol for Coriolanus is not prominent in this book. In fact it only really exists in this book in the form of his last name-- Snow. Even that is not the name he goes by. But it is the name that forms his connection with the Capitol and all that it represents: Dr. Gaul calls him by his last name; the Capitol media makes frequent plays on his name; he is associated with the legacy of his family name; in the peacekeepers he is officially addressed as “Private Snow”. It’s also used as the voice of his ambition in the phrase that he and Tigris use, “Snow lands on top” (9). Eventually, when his character arc is complete and he has embraced evil, he switches to going by his last name, as the Epilogue exclusively refers to him as “Snow”. However, to fully grasp that a part of the symbolism of his name relates to the color white requires knowledge of the Hunger Games trilogy. There Snow is represented by his white roses. The roses are present in this book, but they are colored roses. Therefore, Coriolanus being symbolized by white is not a constant in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, it’s a progression. It is Coriolanus turning against what drew him to Lucy Gray. While the progression is ongoing, the decisive moment comes when Lucy Gray uses the bright orange scarf he gave her to set a trap for him (or at least so he assumes) (581). The shift is there as he is “betrayed” by Lucy Gray’s colors, and the fulfillment is present in the person of President Snow in The Hunger Games.  By knowing the trilogy, the reader knows Coriolanus’s future and can see that he eventually eschews color, choosing the stark white which here sets him apart from Lucy Gray, but will also inevitably mark the violent contrast between him and the Girl on Fire. 

The second hallmark of Lucy Gray is her love of music. Her singing is her survival. It’s how she earns her living in District 12. It’s what unites her with her family. It’s how she expresses her emotions. It’s how she attracts attention at the Reaping and how she gains enough favor to win the Games. Coriolanus does not start out opposed to music. In fact, it initially attracts him to Lucy Gray, especially since one of her songs she sings in the Capitol awakens memories of his mother and a song she sang to him that “mentioned loving him” (78). Music is associated with his mother on several occasions, and his mother is the figure who most represents love and goodness for Coriolanus. When asked how he is like his mother he replies that they “shared a fondness for music” but also internally admits to himself that “she liked music, and he didn’t hate it, he guessed” (290). Despite his positive associations with music and his connection with people who love music (his mother, Lucy Gray, and also Pluribus), Coriolanus himself does particularly like music and doesn’t really understand it. He notes that he “can’t really sing” and when he sings the anthem “his singing was more like sustained talking” (127, 129). Beyond lacking talent, it seems that music and poetry are something that he cannot grasp; all the Capitol’s songs “sounded the same to him”, and Livia Cardew mocked him for “his inability to decipher the deeper meaning of a poem” (185). This extends later into the novel when he specifically fails to grasp the meaning of Lucy Gray’s song, which he describes as “nonsense words” and “ridiculous” because he “couldn’t make sense of it” (425, 427). Coriolanus has an inability to understand something that is an essential part of Lucy Gray which represents a failure to connect to her on a deeper level. It also distances him from those characters who demonstrate positive moral character: Lucy Gray, his mother, the generous Pluribus, and Sejanus (who Coriolanus notes had “always been good at rhetoric” (427)). Livia Cardew attributes this to Coriolanus being “self-absorbed” (185). The presentation of this trait within the book represents his moral failings and his rejection of the Romanticism which defines the Covey and the philosophical rhetoric of the Rebels and Sejanus. This puts him at odds with all that the novel holds up as praiseworthy. His attitude toward music only worsens as the book progresses and he finds that he is “weary of the infusion of music into his life. Invasion might be a better word” (445). He feels the way it pushes him away from others and threatens his position. But the significance of the music does not stop with the concept in general. 

The novel features the lyrics of multiple songs. Lucy Gray’s ballad is notable for the way it describes her mystery, how it shows Coriolanus’s failure to truly understand or appreciate her, and how it foreshadows his hand in her destruction. However, as he brings about her destruction, she has a hand in his eventual destruction. Lucy Gray is revealed to be the writer of the two songs from the Hunger Games trilogy-- “Deep in the Meadow” (“Rue’s Song”) and “The Hanging Tree”. “Deep in the Meadow” has less prominence in this book. The context is essentially the same-- Lucy Gray sings it as a lullaby to Maude Ivory in the same way that Katniss sings it to Prim and Rue-- so it carries the same weight initially. It is a symbol of peace and comfort and love. These are things which are mostly denied to Coriolanus and things which he rejects by the end of The Ballad, and actively seeks to destroy in The Hunger Games. However, it is eventually used against him, as Katniss’s use of the song-- her gesture of love for Rue-- is what causes the first sparks of rebellion to rise up in District 11. “The Hanging Tree” plays this role to an even greater extent. Lucy Gray writes the song about a moment that Coriolanus is present for and deeply disturbed by (350-351). The song is, on one level, about doomed lovers. Within the song you have Arlo and Lil-- two Rebels whose fate is mourned and romanticized, and whose doom Coriolanus has a hand in, already casting him in the role of antagonist. However, there’s also the speaker in the song. At one point in the narrative, the speaker is Billy Taupe calling to Lucy Gray. With him in the role of speaker the love story of the song is poisonous-- when they can’t be free together, Billy Taupe wants her to die rather than be free without him (487). After his death, the song transfers to be a call from Lucy Gray to Coriolanus. However, his character is entirely antithetical to the song. He rejects the dark romanticism that makes star-crossed lovers appealing, and rather than being willing to “wear a necklace of rope side by side with” Lucy Gray, he tries to kill her, betraying her and everything she and the song stand for. The song could also be applied to another pair of star-crossed lovers-- Katniss and Peeta. In their Games, Peeta tried to save her life-- “called out for his love to flee”-- then they try to survive together-- “I told you to run, so we’d both be free”-- and when that hope is lost they are prepared to die together-- “wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me”-- in order to deny the Capitol its victory and its ownership over them. Despite being the only couple without a literal connection to the Hanging Tree (and being a fake couple at the time of their actions) Katniss and Peeta most truly embody the spirit of the song, which Lucy Gray calls “too rebellious” (491). The song is meaningful on a broader level because it subverts the symbol of the Hanging Tree, which is meant to be an instrument for the Capitol’s control, and turns into a symbol of love and hope for freedom and resistance that would rather die than submit to the Capitol. Katniss later takes this song and transforms it into an anthem for the rebellion. In fact, it’s compared by Lucy Gray and Coriolanus to the Capitol’s anthem, saying it “has authority” like “when [Coriolanus] sang the anthem in the Capitol” (491). Katniss gives it the platform to be the rival anthem that it was destined to be, and she uses it to attack Snow. Lucy Gray haunts Coriolanus through the Hunger Games trilogy through her songs. These songs which are all that remains of the girl he betrayed and destroyed, come back as weapons against him, brandished as symbols of all that he and his tyranny stand against. 

Beyond her general association with music, Lucy Gray is associated with birds. Her musical nature makes her a songbird like that of the title and her family is deemed “the Covey”-- covey is a word which means “a small party or flock of birds”. The way she is continually conscious of her appearance early in her time in the Capitol evokes a bird preening, as the ruffles of her brightly colored dress evoke feathers. Coriolanus ends up dealing with birds through his work as a peacekeeper, rounding up jabberjays and mockingjays. While his team member shows an affinity for birds, Coriolanus does not. He specifically notes that while some people “just understand birds” he is certain “that he would never be one of those people” (413). In an immediate sense, this once again signals a distance between him and Lucy Gray. She is a bird that he can never understand. In contrast, Lucy Gray has an affinity for snakes. The clearest counterpart for snakes is Coriolanus himself. His use of poison in this book and the Hunger Games trilogy creates the suggestion that he is venomous (especially when the evidence of his poisoning is found in the sores in his mouth). Dr. Gaul also breeds deadly snakes in the same way that she grooms Coriolanus into the man he becomes. Her snakes ignore him as if he is one of them. And Lucy Gray “always knows where [snakes] will be” (433). She uses her understanding of snakes to her advantage, dropping one down Mayfair’s dress, leaving one as a trap for Coriolanus, and poisoning Treech with one. The snakes in the Games end up drawn to her and soothed by her singing. Coriolanus is drawn to her and her singing in the same way, and likewise is used by her to win the Games. Lucy Gray seems to understand Coriolanus in a way that he can never understand her. However, she may have confused him for one of the non-venomous snakes from District 12, rather than a snake specifically bred to kill by Dr. Gaul. Or perhaps she subconsciously knows the truth about him since she states, “I love all kinds of things I don’t trust… snakes. Sometimes I think I love them because I can’t trust them” (441). Regardless of how his role of a snake attracts Lucy Gray, her role as a bird creates tension with Coriolanus. The wildness of the birds unsettles him. He expresses the belief that they’d be happier in a cage, but both Bug and Lucy Gray believe the birds should be free (418, 421). It reflects Coriolanus’s relationship with nature in general. It cannot be controlled and so he dislikes it. When he first sees the woods he is afraid of them; “the disorder alone felt disturbing” (348). This is a stark contrast to both Lucy Gray, who frequents the woods with the Covey, and Katniss who thrives in the woods. In similar fashion, the plant that Katniss is named for, and which aids in Lucy Gray’s survival (435, 497) grows wild, while Coriolanus’s signature flower, his roses, are domesticated and highly cultivated. Coriolanus likes only what he can control. It’s when he realizes that he cannot control Lucy Gray that he turns on her. This distinction takes on further relevance in his specific response to the jabberjays and the mockingjays

Coriolanus appreciates the jabberjays because they can be controlled easily with a simple remote control. Mockingjays, however, represent the uncontrollable. His reaction to them is immediate: “he’d spotted his first mockingjay, and he disliked the thing on sight” (352). Later he advocates killing all the mockingjays because “they’re unnatural” and “he distrusted their spontaneous creation. Nature running amok” (417). Lucy Gray on the other hand loves the mockingjays. When the mockingjays take up her song “the Covey were all smiles” and Tam Amber asserts “like sandstones to diamonds, that’s what we are to them” (439). Here Coriolanus expresses that what he fears most is that the mockingjays have removed “the Capitol birds from the equation” (439). He deeply believes in the need for the Capitol to maintain control, so something that openly flouts the need for the Capitol’s influence is both frightening and a threat to the beliefs that define him. Coriolanus eventually uses the jabberjays (a symbol of Capitol control) to betray Sejanus. In return, Lucy Gray uses the mockingjays to protect herself from Coriolanus as he hunts her (504). If she survived the encounter, it is because of the mockingjays. With his transformation into Snow complete, he is able to return to the Capitol. When he looks back on his time in District 12, he views Lucy Gray not as a lost love but as a conquered threat. Because Lucy Gray was someone he could not control he repaints her in his memory as someone who manipulated him and made him feel jealous and weak (516). But with his new power Snow is assured that “she and her mockingjays could never harm him again” (516). The memories have been twisted to associate Lucy Gray with mockingjays and in turn with harm done to him, though neither has ever actually harmed him. However, knowledge of the Hunger Games trilogy reveals the clear irony of his statement. Katniss uses the mockingjays to help her in the Games and makes them a tool for herself. They then become a symbol of the rebellion for the very reason that he initially hated them. Katniss comes to embody the things that mockingjay symbolizes and she and that symbol are the rallying point for the rebellion. Because of the Mockingjay that he can never predict, understand or control, everything Snow is and has built is destroyed. 

Lucy Gray is a vibrant character that tempts Coriolanus toward a better life and a better way of being. Everything about her symbolizes a potential for good within him in his early years. However, he fully and irrevocably rejects that good. In doing so he commits his first great sin and destroys Lucy Gray. But he is unable to entirely destroy her. In fact, he’s never even sure if he killed her. Instead, she stays on as a ghost girl, her influence haunting District 12. From her influence rises Katniss, the Girl on Fire, like a phoenix rising from the ashes of the songbird Snow killed. Katniss is symbolically linked to Lucy Gray, but at the same time wholly distinct. Through her, Lucy Gray haunts Snow as punishment for his crimes. This link between the Songbird and the Mockingjay represents the way that Snow’s evil paved the way for his own destruction, but more importantly it shows that the things which he rejects and opposes and tries to kill cannot be destroyed. The spark of hope cannot be put out, beauty will not be tamed, and rebellion cannot stay dead in the face of tyranny. Those things were always destined to destroy him. Though The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes may end with “Snow lands on top,” Lucy Gray is the persistent reminder that “The show’s not over until the mockingjay sings.” 

[brawltogethernow]

So on the whole, how useful would you say Death Note is for teaching someone how to write a convoluted plot between enemy chessmasters that's at least... 50% watertight?

General disclaimer that I haven’t touched the source material directly in many years, and all my dn posts are me feeling my feelings. But yeah, I can shake my 8-ball about this.

There are two components to dn’s approach to “a convoluted plot between enemy chessmasters”, and they’re only roughly stapled together. There’s the rivalry/characterization part, which is both compelling and silly, and is mostly about aesthetic. That never really concludes in a satisfying way. It’s not TRYING to, because the characters are pretty much there to hold up the thought experiment premise, which demands a lot of grit and unpoetic death and not solid foundations of character/relationship work. Like there’s stuff there but you’re really deep-mining for it and doing a lot of the work yourself, and that’s by design. All of the character arcs, which are pretty thin on the ground, trend in a negative/dismantling direction (because it’s a tragedy), and few of the relationships play out all the potential they have (because it’s not a tragedy about relationships).

The character aspect of the chessmaster stuff is heavily reliant on the conceit that once people are smart enough they will start reaching the same conclusions in the same way. Like there’s a single most ideal train of thought for every situation that even people who should have very different thought processes will reach with the assistance of enough little gray cells. This isn’t uncommon in smartboi stories, but dn went absolutely ham on it, if you want to make a study of that trope.

The biggest takeaway there is probably noting how the creative team seems to have been unaware that a lot of their audience was actually buying into that between the lead and their rival as a “meant to be enemies” kind of thing and didn’t realize that faction would be less interested once it became obvious that no, all geniuses in this world are taking turns using one brain. I’ll freely admit I deliberately misread this element to maximize my own investment.

Then there are the tricks and puzzles. The odd logical hole is inevitable, but overall they’re solid. They’re also just procedural plots delivered in a less formulaic story than that usually makes one think of. There’s nothing distinguishing them from the weekly puzzle of a House episode or a Detective Conan arc except for raw creativity and panache. There is rarely any characterization going on whatsoever. The twists require players, but you never get the sense that only whoever is being pulled to act could fill their part. They’re always stand-ins for perfectly generic individuals, putting their distinctive quirks and intense personal philosophies aside. This is that idea that there’s one way of thinking that everyone is accessing at staggered intelligence levels in play again. People are simplified until they can be pieces in contraptions no more complex than Light’s exploding desk drawer trap.

This is why the trick plots of dn don’t get pored over a lot by fans. They’re looped too loosely to the rest of the story to have an emotional impact that will make them memorable long-term. They’re deceptively simple, too. Kind of the opposite of a story twist that makes you rethink everything that came before it in a new light. You can’t dismantle dn and reassemble it like pentominoes very easily. A lot of it is grand set pieces, and if you tease out any of the puzzle plots they sort of lose structural integrity and flake away. This is why most canon divergence fic for dn is “diverging” by asking the question “what if Light were less of a shit”.

Ultimately, Death Note only gives the impression of being a complex engine made of moving parts. Its strong suit is its showmanship. It’s very good at carrying you along from twist to twist in a state of mild beffudlement that doesn’t quite escalate to belligerent and securing that “Oh wow! That was clever!” reaction. The mastermind-offs of are deceptively static, pretty much coming down to one party either failing or succeeding to thwart a plot laid out by another in advance without a lot of combating each others’ machinations in real time. Once resolved, twists vanish from the consciousness like disappearing gold. There’s no fiber to them, just flash.

This isn’t critique! Most elements of this story do what they’re deployed to do. (If the tricks needed workshopping, people would analyze them more, ironically.)

I’m myself shit at (de)constructing brain tingler twists and can’t really identify if dn’s are useful for instruction purposes. Not for people who don’t already have a natural talent for them, I guess! It might be interesting to identify why they’re not immediately identifiable as bloodless trick plots, except I suspect it might just be that the rest of dn is so insane and dissimilar from stories that usually contain those? Like I already compared it to two Holmes descendants, and it definitely has BBC Sherlock “let the asshole speak, genii are a protected species” vibes, and the criminal protagonist facing off with a detective premise is Arsene Lupin-y, yet I still feel weird identifying Death Note itself as in this broader genre because *gestures to all of it*.

It’s the least formula-reliant example of the breed I can think of right now, which is neat. (Annnnd also definitely feeds in to people being dissatisfied with it because they miscalled what it was trying to be. Dn is just generally pretty unique, and I imagine the team was making up a lot of its playbook from scratch as it went along, which leaves the audience in kind making up the experience of consuming it.)

All of the above is incidentally why dn is infamous for being very compelling in the moment but then having people revisit thinking about it and decide the he-knows-that-I-know-that-he-knows conceit is actually ridiculous and needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

So uh. This all SOUNDS like bad form, but that’s arguably me being a basic bitch who “likes when plot and character and aesthetic inform each other”, and that’s just fundamentally not what Death Note is. Also it’s kind of a lofty starting goal and writing is hard. Like! This approach worked! We are discussing a very successful property with many fans. (And a weirdly finite cultural impact for its popularity but this isn’t necessarily why.) I guess this is an acceptable playbook, and the takeaway is that you CAN successfully Frankenstein together different unconnected storytelling methods, and it will look dazzling and impressive and barely leave any of your readership feeling confused and hollow inside and likely to return and make fun of themselves for accidentally liking your work wrong.

Oh, also, dn as do’s and don’t’s of building a mastermind character. Do give headlining characters eye-catching, memetic traits. Don’t fail to trace those traits down so they actually represent something at your character’s core because you crossed over the line from “spinning characters out as foils and parallels who compare and contrast to each other in interesting ways” into “all of your smart characters are basically the same challenge-seeking misanthrope stamped with different surface features” -- except WHO ELSE IS GOING TO HAVE THAT PROBLEM? THAT’S NOT NORMAL.

So yeah you COULD study Death Note, or you could binge some crime dramas and then some X-Men issues that have battles in the center of the mind over the same weekend and get basically the same net effect.

[rigginsstreet]

Tell us how you'd write fp different from season one if u were in control 📝

ultimately id probably keep season one the same if we’re still keeping it r*verdale and not... parentdale lmao because then that becomes an entirely different show

but i do think he couldve been utilized a little more like we couldve done some things there. 

first and foremost im making that bitch GAY and yes that is very important to his character but i dont need to tell you that. but the layers that would add bitch! the layers! oh but i also wouldve given him and hermione/the lodges a proper backstory because that shit was not explored okay like i made a post about it before how all these people went to school together and then hiram randomly calls fp up one day cuz he needs a plot of land cheapened by his presence ksjgbkjbg and then add on the whole thing with fp hermione and fred. bisexual love triangle i would like to see.

OH and i would like to see his relationship with the serpents explored more i need to see him actually being a leader and making deals and running shit PLUS how joaquin came to be his like.... second in command i mean i know he was being used to seduce kevin but i really need that backstory too lmfao i need to see that conversation and honestly i think fp pulled that from his own experiences like i can 100% see fp in his younger days having to flirt his way through some situations just to gain some knowledge about whatever. but ALSO!!!! if we had a parallel of fp seducing fred to get info for hiram and fp first agreeing to it cuz hes still pissed at fred but then shit gets complicated because obviously hes still in love with him and then fp starts feeling bad and then oh no fred finds out just when he was starting to maybe open himself up to the idea of being with fp again..... we truly couldve done so much. and then you have freds slutty ass being caught betwen his ex girlfriend and ex boyfriend while also being sad about his ex wife still. so much drama

its really not until season 2 that his character fucking derails. I WANTED TO SEE HIM ACTUALLY IN PRISON! HIM RUNNING THE YARD! PRISON FIGHTS! SEXY!

i would have liked an actual sobriety arc. he said he got sober in prison and was attending meetings and then poof. that ended immediately. and fine. we could keep that but like... at least show the struggle and the guilt over it ya know? also he did not struggle nearly enough for coming out of prison for DUMPING A DEAD TEENAGER IN A RIVER like that town truly shouldve been on his ass about that theres no WAY him working at pops wouldnt have caused a scene.

like my main problem with fp as a character is that he truly never suffers any consequences for anything but also hes written to have all these problems that are never dealt with or remotely explored. and for as much as i would love for that bitch to get some therapy i also realize its not entirely realistic for him as a character and thats fine! but i want to see him struggle i want to see him actually acknowledge he has demons to face and work at them in his own way and both fail and succeed. 

ultimately what it all comes down to is he wasnt written as a person. which.... no one on this show is. they all just tick their little boxes of stereotypes and caricatures and its very annoying. if youre gonna give fp a drinking problem, show it! not just him passed out on the couch but him actually struggling. show him trying to get better and doing good for a while only to relapse, show how he actively has to make the choice every day not to drink. have him apologize to the people he hurt. let us see the actual damage it did to not just him but those around him. 

give him relationships with other people that are fleshed out and actually matter. the fact that he never once checked in on fred after he was shot is INSANE to me. gladys was only ever used as throwaway lines that never went anywhere. he had an entire daughter he presumably never tried getting in contact with based on her reaction to see him again like....but yet he has her name tattooed over his heart? so either that was a hollow gesture to appease his own mind or he actually deeply loves her but was so ashamed of himself and what caused gladys to leave that he couldnt even pick up the phone to call them. SHOW ME THESE THINGS!

show us what the serpents meant to him as a kid who got thrown out by his father at 16 and found a family in them instead. show us why he wound up back there after fred fired him. show us why hes so bonded to them. hell, even if he just went back out of desperation because times were hard and no one else would hire him and he needed that easy money.... fucking explore that shit! 

show us him forming these relationships with the younger gay serpents because hes got all this baggage from his own upbringing and he has a soft spot for kids like him and wants to protect them, even if it is through a drug running gang. show us that abuse fucks up your perception of love and how to do it but its all he knows so hes working with what hes got.

fp honestly works best as a tragic character. trying to do good but he can never quite make it. always drawn to shadier things because ultimately its what he knows and its where he feels safe. but he wants to be better at the same time! he just truly cannot help himself. and thats what needed to be explored more with him but not in a way that romanticized it. like he really is a fucked up person when you break him down and the fact we were all supposed to look at him as the hero or something is so bizarre to me and it never worked because we were expected to just forget everything he was. 

hes not an evil guy either hes just deeply misguided because thats just the shit he grew up in and he doesnt know anything else. except for fred and what he saw with the andrews and that shouldve been an important relationship like they really couldve played on how opposite fred and fp are and used that to a narrative advantage, them being best friends. theres SO MUCH to be done with that but fuck me i guess. 

idk i just always think about how fun fp wouldve been if they had just let him indulge in his devious ways like theres no way fp jones wouldve ever taken a cop job seriously and not used it to his own advantage. theres no way he wouldve been that bent out of shape about gladys running drugs when hes done SO MUCH worse. we shouldve gotten more scamming against hiram and him and hermione being in cahoots. 

like hes a street rat. he will always be a street rat. he cannot shake this. fucking play with that! indulge in it! have fun! have him settle down with his husband but he still cant stop himself from living on the fringe of the law

[evelhak]

“Ancient” wlw ships

This is such a self-indulgent post but I need to get my thoughts out. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about all the girls I shipped in fiction when I was a kid and didn’t realize I was shipping them.

I mean, they pretty much all had boyfriends or ended up marrying a man, and I was pretty much on board, in my eyes it was just some part of the story that needed to happen, because it always did. I think the common thing with these characters was that the female best friend was, at least more often than not, narratively more important than the guy, or just seemed to have a much greater emotional impact in the story.

Thinking about this has been so fun and eye-opening that I just feel like sharing a list of my biggest ancient wlw pairs that I only now, years later, realize were totally in love in my mind, I just didn’t have a concept for it yet. I’m sure that’s relatable for some people, but maybe there’s someone out there who was shipping these same characters??

This will include mild spoilers. And it’ll be long.

1. Cornelia & Elyon from W.i.t.c.h.

I COMPLETELY lived in these comics when I was 8-12 years old, and nothing in it was as compelling to me as Cornelia and Elyon. Guess I was already a sucker for best-friends-to-enemies-to-friends-again, even though I didn’t realize I also wanted them to become lovers. Best friends was all there was to me back then, that was the name I assigned to the highest form of love in my head. Which I still don’t see as invalid? I just didn’t realize I would’ve related to the romance aspect between best friends a hell of a lot more than I did to any of the relationships the W.i.t.c.h. girls had with their boyfriends. Cornelia and Caled was almost as bad as Buffy and Angel! Cornelia and Peter was just boring af. All the other W.i.t.c.h. girls’ boyfriends were all equally boring to me except for Will and Matt, but that was because their struggle to admit their feelings for each other was written in a funny way, not because their relationship had any actual depth.

But Elyon and Cornelia would’ve been perfect! I mean if your best friend has the ability to understand you so well, that with her magical intuition, she can draw you a picture of a guy you’re going to fall for, a guy she has never met... why would you even want to be with that guy anymore? Why wouldn’t you just be with her instead?? What Cornelia and Caleb had was limerence (I actually applaud the comics for eventually treating it as such and showing how it was harmful to both of the characters!) but what Cornelia and Elyon had was true love that transcends dimensions. Cornelia never gave up on Elyon, not even for a moment, after she became the W.i.t.c.h. girls’ enemy, and when she was in trouble, Cornelia had a hunch from another dimension, and she didn’t hesitate to come to her rescue. (The fact that during the same mission she also manages to fall for the dude Elyon drew for her in the past seems more like an accident, to be honest. The real deal was patching things up with Elyon, it was both more emotionally impactful AND more plot-relevant!)

It was also really sad to read the comics sometimes, because Elyon was absolutely my favourite character, and she wasn’t around much after the first arc, being a queen in another dimension. But every time there was a flashback to when Elyon was still living on Earth and being cute with Cornelia I was like MOOOOORE.

2. Sora and Layla from Kaleido Star

If you haven’t watched this anime you’ve missed. SO. MUCH. This is probably my favourite anime ever. And it features another type of ship I LOVE. Which is partners in some sort of activity, usually sports. When it’s written well it’s just so impactful and intense. These girls are routinely risking their lives in their passion for acrobatics, so they need to have absolute trust in each other. And oh boy is the relationship between them written well. I love it when two characters initially don’t get the way the other thinks or sees the world, but as they grow closer, it’s the other’s way of thinking that really unlocks something huge for them.

Also what’s so compelling about Sora and Layla is that there really isn’t anything like them in any other anime, that I’ve come across, at least. These partnerships are always between two guys in a sports anime, the partnership is at the heart of the story and the emotional stakes are so high it’s no wonder most people don’t want to ship these guys with their intended female love interests. Kaleido Star takes this even further because the guy who is in love with Sora is literally a joke, or the fact that he’s in love with Sora is a running gag, and nothing more. All the focus is on Sora and Layla as partners, and how they change each other's lives for the better.

Also the way Sora pines for Layla when she’s away or not paying enough attention to her is SO... I mean you don’t even have to think it’s romantic for it to absolutely melt you. Although it feels pretty heavily romantically coded, and it doesn’t even feel like queer baiting, because it’s just SO real and honest. And how Layla can’t stop thinking about how Sora is changing her as a person. There’s no question about the fact that the relationship between these women is the true meat of the show.

3. Anne and Diana from Anne of Green Gables

I read these books over and over again as a kid, and the Netflix show renewed my love for these two. They are kind of ridiculous, but SO cute. Looking back, it seems obvious that they had a crush on each other, they were just SO giddy all the time they were alone. Sure, you can excuse all their romantic gestures (like changing locks of hair, and vowing to never leave each other with joined hands and grand words) with saying Anne just romanticizes everything, but it never really felt like just that to me.

I’ll never forget how devastated Anne was about Diana getting married, and I don’t remember the wording but initially she wished she could keep Diana to herself for their whole lives. And every time they talked about marriage it was something they were both gonna do not as individuals, but rather the emphasis seemed to be on the shared experience, and how their children would be best friends and all that. It was all about them together. Like their romantic fantasies were nothing without the other somehow in the picture.

I don’t hate Anne and Gilbert but I don’t love them either. Gilbert has always been just sort of “meh”. He’s okay, but also the kind of love interest that can never compel me much.

4. Chocolat and Vanilla from Sugar Sugar Rune

Seriously, this would have been SO GOOD if it was canon.

Think about it, best friends, chosen to compete against each other for the throne. These witches go to the human world to attract male attention and collect feelings from the men, turning the feelings into heart shaped crystals and whoever collects more will be the queen. I mean... the story was good as it is but if they had ended up together and been queens TOGETHER?? That would have been the best story. It could have had SUCH a compelling best-friends-to-competitors-to-enemies-to-friends-to-lovers storyline! There would have been room for so much character development.

And if my memory doesn’t betray me the story would not change much at all if they didn’t end up with the guys they do end up with! Especially Vanilla’s guy is like an afterthought and Chocolat’s guy is... well, a sum of my least favourite tropes, including the one that will remind everyone about Mortal Instruments a LITTLE too much, so he can get lost for all I care.

I cried many times while reading this, and it always had something to do with these two girls.

5. Yoko and Liao from Yoko Tsuno

Okay, these two might have a problematic age gap, I’m not sure, but I didn’t know of that possibility as a kid, they just looked the same age to me. I was a huge Yoko Tsuno fan as a pre-teen, and there were so many interesting female adventurers in this series but for some reason the dynamic between Yoko and Liao was my favourite, even though Liao only appeared in one album. I just really felt like I needed to see more of these characters interacting and where their relationship would develop.

There was something about them that seemed rather original to me then, and a nice change. The reader had already gotten used to Yoko as the hero, she was always saving the day everywhere, she was like The Doctor in a way and not only because she time-travelled. She is simply badass. In Liao’s story there’s a prophecy about a girl who speaks to a dragon and saves everyone, and Yoko thinks that girl is her because she’s from the future and knows the dragon is a machine, but it turns out to be Liao, and that was somehow really satisfying. Yoko treats Liao obnoxiously in the beginning, doesn’t give her much credit, but is deeply humbled after Liao needs to save her ass multiple times because she’s just too sure of herself. It was cool to see how Yoko really needed to grow in this story and realize her limitations, and how wrong she was to treat Liao the way she did and look down on her just because Liao was physically weak, had a temper, and came from a much earlier time period than Yoko.

By the end they are clearly very attached to each other (Liao weeping in Yoko’s arms and Yoko confessing how full of herself she was when they met) and respect each other, and I just really would’ve liked to see where they would go from there. I thought about them meeting again A LOT when I was a kid.

That’s my big five! :D I could go on but this is already long, I need to sleep, and these are the characters that I’ve been thinking about the most lately. If you read this far for some reason it would be cool to hear if you have any similar (or different) experiences.

[murphystartedthefire]

Okay it’s been some time, I’ve had some days,

MEMORI FINALE DISCOURSE ANONS LET’S GO

My feelings are mixed! They really are. My overwhelming finale reaction was “huh, I guess that wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been” followed by a long, numb, aching feeling in my chest, followed by peace, followed by “they can still grow babies on Bardo though, can’t they?” (that’s a side conversation)

So I’m not telling ANYONE else how to feel, because I’m still sorting my own feelings out. I certainly appreciate that this is a hard ending to swallow for Murphy fans who don’t like Memori. Remember, even for you it’s not as bad as it could’ve been since he’s alive and happy and with everyone else at the end!! But the way he got there basically by accident and was otherwise 100% gonna choose death over living without Emori as the final culmination of his story... not everybody’s gonna find that super romantic and beautiful, especially if you’ve felt for seasons that Murphy’s Epic Love For Emori is not your favorite thing about his character, or you actively think their relationship is unhealthy, toxic, etc.

(I promise I’m only gonna yell SHE’S MADE THAT CHOICE TO SACRIFICE HERSELF AND DIE WITH HIM TOO once. I’ll just say it once. I needed to get it out of my system, it’s my tumblr. I know it’s not the same because they survived all those situations. Then again they also, incredibly, survived this one.)

As someone who does love Murphy’s Epic Love For Emori? And expected it to play a big role in the end of the show, but never imagined it happening like this? Yeah, it got me. It made me cry. It’s making me cry now.

Murphy and Emori are THE love story of “The 100″ for me, the way normal(?) shippers felt about Bellarke or Clexa. Without them I wouldn’t have made this sideblog or ever engaged with this fandom. Without them I would have stopped watching the show pretty early in season 6, if not earlier. I’m not going to act like this conclusion to their arc wasn’t *extremely validating* and emotional for me.

If I have something to criticize about this ending (pre-transcendence epilogue), it’s really a problem that was built up long before the finale and especially in this season. I wish they weren’t so isolated. I wish Emori wasn’t basically the only thing Murphy valued or made his life worth living, ‘cause that was never fair to either of them. I wish their love had made them stronger and more connected to others, instead of constantly just anchored to each other, dead or alive.

“The 100″ might’ve been better overall -- certainly more watchable for me -- if they were part of it and not on a whole other show sometimes. On the other hand, my lizard brain only wants to see them together, so being the center of each other’s world to the very end, to the point where they’re SHARING ONE UNCONSCIOUS BODY, only makes me ship them harder. It’s a double-edged sword.

The whole mind drive thing... you don’t have to think it was the right choice or the healthy choice, even. You just have to get that it was Murphy’s choice, and completely on brand for him. He never wanted to just ‘survive’ if it meant losing her. It was an insane gesture that he committed to with every fibre of his being.

Look, once the mind drive was in Murphy’s head -- once Emori was dead, honestly -- there was no “good” way for it to end. I felt that viscerally as I was watching the episode. (Yes, yes, pre-epilogue, I was proven wrong by magic and aliens.) Murphy could stay in there and die with her, or Emori could push him out and convince him to let her go. He’d still get to say his last goodbyes with her, but she could more firmly insist he needs to move on -- I briefly wondered if that’s how the scene would end.

But I wouldn't BELIEVE Murphy moving on and letting go. I've said in like 20 different posts that the ending I wanted LEAST was for Emori to be killed and shatter Murphy’s soul and force him to be alone. (Not least because holy hell I didn’t want to watch a WOC violently fridged for his survival and character growth.) The second-worst ending to me would be him dying and her surviving.

It wouldn’t work without another full season (at least!) of Murphy coming to terms with Emori's death and finding SOME way to cope and be happy again, which of course in the real world I’d think was possible. In the world of fiction, we didn’t have time for that, and to rush him to the Acceptance stage of grief would be completely unearned.

Seeing Emori all bloody and contorted and glassy-eyed on that table while Murphy falls apart was... so, so fucking awful in a way that’s going to haunt me for a long time. I made a gif set with ONE shot of her in it, and it was somehow the LEAST upsetting one and still like the worst thing I’ve ever put on my blog. It didn’t need to be as ugly and graphic as it was. It did not need to linger on her body that way. But I think *why* they made it like that, besides sadism and shock value, is so even the audience felt his need to undo it and not have that be our last memory of her either.

So yeah... on a gut level, on a story level, it was so satisfying IMO. The goddamn tear of relief and fulfillment falling down his face when he’s holding her again, and he never has to let her go for the rest of his short life. The way that every other Memori scene has led to this. I’ll love you forever, even if we die today. To the anon who asked if you’re a bad person for liking it? You’re a human person responding in the intended way to a love story!!

I like a whole lot of tropes in fictional romances that aren't great or admirable in reality. Is this particular form of attempted “suicide” -- where doing it LITERALLY allowed him to reach her in the mindspace and see the light in her eyes again and spend their last hours/days together in a happy place -- likely to spawn any copycat behavior or ideation? I doubt it, certainly not as much as other triggery crap they’ve done on this show. I'm willing to not worry too hard about whether Memori are Setting a Good Example for how people should react to a loved one's death, and instead be like "Hell yeah those two deserved to go out like Romeo & Juliet, and then be brought back to life just as a bonus anyway.”

It's not REALISM and should not be TREATED as realism, but it was a perfect end to an iconic TV romance where they never could live without each other. That’s where I stand on it right now.

[aotopmha]

Notes on chapter 132, based on translations that are out.

-I like how Annie is written out on the character level. The chapter goes into detail considering her character motivations so far and why she decides to stay behind.

One thing I've noticed is people reducing Annie's character to her relationship with Armin now that it exists at all. It's like a knee-jerk reaction every time a female character ends up having a relationship with a male character. I understand it, stories tend to do that and I feel like the romantic element for Annie's and Armin's relationship is kind of out of nowhere myself, but this and the previous chapter clearly explore that Annie is tired of fighting after all of the fighting she has done and I think it makes sense for her as an individual character. It has nothing to do with Armin. Her main scenes in this chapter were actually with Mikasa and Reiner. It's a strange hyper-focus to me, I guess. It happens with Mikasa, too. You've got basically a good chunk of an arc focusing on the relationship between her and Armin with Eren doing his own thing (both Trost and Shiganshina), but she still only cares about Eren, I guess.

This is actually the first time Annie has considered her feelings and what she wants and that's good progress for a character that hates herself.

That said, having her back after 90 or so chapters and not having her actions matter that much here is wierd. The most I see as her plot importance right now is knocking sense into Reiner. I've seen people write the ship crew off already, but I can't help but feel they still might end up having more time and relevance because of paths or some other unforeseen circumstances. I think Gabi and Falco are in a similar situation, as well. If they don't, I think I will have a problem with Annie's involvement in the plot, but I think on a character level she's been handled just fine, even really solidly.

-I like that Floch dies with strong convictions and good intentions in mind. This is the most interesting aspect of Eren and the Yeagerists to me. They are doing this because they want to protect their country and people they love.

While people generally consider fascism as completely evil because of it's horrible methodology (as we also see in this series), the reason why it catches on during times of crisis is because it provides a clear and well-defined perspective within the chaos of the crisis and part of that is the element of saving the people (country) you love. This is a really important element of fascism and the reason why I'd rather not Eren be reduced to the standard villain, but still retain his nuance by the end. Evil is just as human and comes from just as human places as good and for us to not make the same mistakes, it is best to understand the mistakes on a human level and then learn from them, not just brush them off.

-I like Hange's death. It incorporates elements from both, Erwin's and Armin's, sacrifice. She went out there to make all of the deaths mean something and dedicated her heart one last time, which carried on Erwin's will till the end. The final scene of her among everyone is a wonderful callback to the soldiers who have followed the Survey Corps commanders around on their journey, from Erwin standing on the corpses of his comerades to both Erwin and Hange looking at their faces. It's good pathos in my eyes.

I think her farewell scene with Levi was really good for just how well it conveyed their relationship in a couple of gestures.

I've seen the final scene actually considered real and not symbolic of a job well done for Hange for the situation she was handed (which is what I think its narrative purpose was), which I personally think is one of the dumbest ideas I've seen around about the chapter because I think this is a pretty typical trope in war stories and AoT itself has used this stuff before at various points, with, as said, all the scenes with Erwin and Hange seeing their comerades.

But we also see stuff like Jean imagining him and the group of trainees being eaten by Titans before joining the Survey Corps just to convey a state of mind.

Erwin was not actually standing on those corpses, folks. It's all thematic imagery just like all of the animal stuff here and there. Hell, the people Hange knows less even have their backs turned to her.

If it is meant to be literal, it is extremely uncharacteristic of the story, but I feel if you know anything about visual storytelling and visual storytelling tropes, this is pretty typical.

I know there is also contention about Hange being the one to go out there and delay the Titans, but I don't think any of them would be able to do as much as Hange did alone here.

Onyakapon is obviously needed to fly the plane.

Reiner and Pieck would be pretty much useless in their Titan forms and we don't even know if Pieck can actually use the 3DMG, which is the more smarter option here to use over her tiny Titan form.

Connie and Jean going out there has nothing to do with their position in the story and their character arcs, while Hange is the one carrying the weight of the responsibility. Can you also really imagine Connie or Jean having the same competency taking down Titans as Hange, someone who has been doing it far longer than any of them?

Maybe Armin and Mikasa could. But that might leave the possibility of getting through to Eren off the table. I think what people also forget is that Eren still felt guilty when fighting them. Everyone Eren knows facing him might actually be a tactical advantage.

Hange does have a connection with Eren, but most of the group has a much stronger one with him than her.

Finally, there is Levi, who can't even stand up properly. I don't think he is fit enough to even hold off one Titan and as a result they would all be dead.

Outside of this group is also Annie, Yelena, Kiyomi and the two kids and only Annie feels the one equipped enough to take the distraction role.

But ultimately I think it's a thing of principle and character perspective.

Reiner and Annie can use the 3DMG in fairly skilled ways (they are higher ranked among the 104th), they have regenerative abilities and they are in a fairly good physical condition (though also probably much more exhausted than Hange). I think you could spin their character stories to fit this situation if you really wanted. Either of them could've gone to sacrifice themselves for the group to get away.

But Hange is the leader so she thinks she should take the responsibility. She straight-up says that she hasn't been a very efficent leader, so she views this as a redemption of sorts. Armin even offers to go instead of her.

You could paint it as plot convinience and be done with it, but just like Levi's decision to not inject Erwin, I think it makes sense on a character level and what Hange's character struggle has been about in this arc, even if it's not the most "logical" decision.

The other element that has contention related to Hange is that she passed the position of commander over to Armin.

In any other position, I would agree it to be Jean, but considering the context of going to fight Eren, I think Armin is fine and this to me is supported by the reasons Hange gives to appoint Armin as the commander.

Hange says that she appoints Armin because of his insight and courage.

The small detail that even if he's falling to pieces emotionally, he never actually runs away might be useful in the confrontation with Eren. Maybe he'll be overwhelmed and indecisive at points, which is why Jean could be more fitting, but ultimately he ends up at least facing the issue throughout however much turmoil.

While his ability to see the world through a more nuanced light and willingness to cooperate is not only a thematic way to contrast Eren and Armin (the former being stuck in his own perspective and the latter being willing to talk), his reasonings and wake-up calls might get through to Eren much more strongly because they have done so before, in Trost and in Shiganshina.

In any other situation I'd pick Jean, but here I think Armin is better or at the very least also a good option. It's not completely unreasonable.

I do not think this means any of the arcs of the characters are thrown under the bus. I feel everyone on the plane will get closure to their arcs. I think Jean's leadership ability will become relevant. I think Reiner's desire to be a hero will become relevant. I think Pieck's desire to fulfill her responsibility as a warrior will become relevant. I even think Connie's desire to kill Zeke will become relevant and finally so will Armin's and Mikasa's connection with Eren.

I'm much more worried about Zeke and Historia.

I think Historia is essential to make the thematic backbone of the story work. She's the first one among the Reiss to step up and break it. Why would she attempt to break the cycle by playing into it? I think Historia got another perspective of whatever Eren saw and might be working against that. Sadly it probably still involved letting Eren start the rumbling, but perhaps she found a way for it not to go all the way.

We know the oath of the First King is not actually a thing now because Ymir refused to comply, so who says Historia and paths Ymir can't have an encounter.

As a final note, I like the moment with Mikasa and Annie from Mikasa's perspective. The story opted to have Mikasa gain a more healthy perspective on Eren rather than complete independence from him and that can happen. You can go the independence route, but I think this works, too.

Relationships can change for the better and they can change for the worse.

All of this said, I think most of the content was nicely substantial and made sense, but that isn't the main issue I have with this chapter.

I think it has a pacing problem. Some scenes are just fine, but I feel some are a little too quick to have as much impact as I'd like them to have. Mainly Floch's and Hange's death scenes. The point behind them is good, but I think just a couple more pages of breathing room would've made this good chapter a great one.

I do think the anime giving this chapter just a little bit more time could definitely make it great and improve on the other ones where pace bothers me.

[one-boring-person]

Show's Over.

The Lost Boys x VampireHunter!reader

Warnings: blood imagery, (minor) character death,

Context: This is the third part of the vampire hunter arc, I guess. It takes place a long time prior to the events in the first two (which i will link below this) so the relationship between the reader and the boys is not a particularly friendly one. In basic terms, the reader is chasing off a pair of vampire hunters, which the boys decide to confront (?) her about.

A/N: so I sort of figured out, too late, that this isn't particularly focused on the boys, but it kind of helps with some character development I guess? I hope it's acceptable😅

You Tell Us , Distraction

"Typical." I curse under my breath as I catch sight of my target walking down the street to my left, followed closely by an annoyingly familiar figure with a mess of blonde curls on his head, his confident demeanor a clear indicator of who he is. For hours now I've been waiting in the cold, damp space for her to finally walk past, ready to follow her to her comrade, the two of them having been a little hard to catch at first, despite their inexperience, and there's no way I'm letting some dumb idiot ruin the plan. Clenching my jaw, I move to the other side of the alleyway I'm in, pressing my back against the cold wall behind me, taking a fake cigarette out of my pocket and pretending to light it as the scantily clad woman steps past the entrance, my appearance going completely unnoticed. Seconds later, her pursuer trails after her, thumb between his teeth as usual, eyes focused on the target, so much so that he doesn't notice me step out behind him until my hand is wrapped around his mouth, my other arm looped around his waist. In his surprise, he allows me to pull him into the alley before starting to fight, his superior strength quickly getting the better of me, his hand swiftly clasping my throat and pushing me back against the wall, anger blazing in his expression.

"You? What the hell?" He hisses into my face, eyes flashing dangerously as I stand there, staring him down with disgust and irritation.

"You should check your victims before you advance on them, Blondie. She's not quite your type, being a hunter and all." I respond, pushing him off of me as his grip relaxes, surprise briefly flicking across his face. I don't give him time to respond, ducking out of the alleyway swiftly and starting up the street, my hands in my pocket as I try to look as casual as possible, knowing the woman from before went the same direction. For the moment, she's completely disappeared, but I'm well aware that she does not work alone, and they've used this tactic before, though I never found a body in the spot where they committed the deed, which puzzled me greatly at the time. Until I worked it out.

A few seconds later, I emerge out onto a large parking lot, the open space barely lit by three streetlights, revealing a beaten green truck with a tall figure leaning against it, a frown creasing his heavy brow as he spots me, clearly expecting to see someone else. I act as indifferent as possible, knowing exactly where his accomplice is due to their carelessness, quickly locating her the second I step into the light, though I don't give this away immediately. Instead, I take my hands from my pockets and greet the guy by the truck.

"Good evening." My voice is polite even if my face remains expressionless.

"Who are you?" He demands, pushing off the vehicle, muscles tense, demeanor unsure.

"A friend, unless you do something to change that." I inform him, lifting one of the sides of my jacket to show the stake tied into place there, though I keep my more lethal weapon hidden from him.

"You're a hunter too?" He sounds surprised, as if my appearance doesn't lead him to believe me.

"Yep. Santa Carla is my hunting ground." I confirm, gesturing vaguely to the surrounding area, lifting my eyebrow at him when he narrows his eyes. Behind the tuck, I notice there is a darkened shop window, in which I spot the reflection of a faint flicker of movement with no apparent body, confirming to me that she is, in fact, a vampire.

"Your hunting ground? I didn't realise you claimed it." The hunter comments without acknowledging his little friend, eyes flicking almost imperceptibly over my shoulder.

"I have. If you looked close enough, you'd notice that I've left my mark all around the place. And this is also why I'm politely asking you to leave and not come back."

At my words, the guy let's out a scoff, waving me off.

"And why should I do that? You're clearly not doing a good job." He says matter of factly, nodding slightly at the woman behind me, thinking I didn't notice it.

"Oh? What makes you say that?" I push, evening my stance in preparation.

"Well, for a start, this place is crawling with vampires."

I give him no reaction, knowing that he is mostly wrong - I've never let a vampire slip through my fingers, barring the four who skulk around the Boardwalk all night, and they hardly count.

"And what is your solution? I'm not gonna leave."

"Well it's quite simple, really." The hunter smirks at me, before I feel the familiar rush of air that signifies the approach of his accomplice. Instantly, I duck down and let the vampire lunge over me, stumbling past my form as I surge back upwards, pulling her arms back into an uncomfortable position and forcing her to her knees. In surprise, she cries out, writhing in my grip until I pull out my stake and hold it to her neck.

"An interesting solution, but I think you'll find I have a lot more experience than you think, and this is not the first new vampire I've encountered." In my grasp, the woman gasps and whimpers as I pull her arms tighter, nearly breaking her elbows. Across from me, the hunter appears shocked, a line forming between his eyes as he takes in my indifferent countenance, "Now, I'm gonna tell you again. Leave Santa Carla and never come back."

"Or what?" He snaps, scowling at me in frustration.

I roll my eyes, pulling the vampire upright, as I make eye contact again, giving him a pointed look as I thrust the stake straight into the side of her head, holding a hand over her mouth as she screams in agony, her blood pouring out onto my clothes and skin, her body writhing in pain. The hunter starts, a hand lifting as if to stop me, though it is quite clear that it is too late, her vampiric features fading as she finally falls unconscious, her body dropping to the floor with an unceremonious thud.

"That was strike one. Strike two is a little more...damaging." I explain to him, wiping my hands off on my jeans.

He stays silent for a minute, clearly shocked by this turn of events, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he speaks again.

"I doubt it. You think that scared me off? She was useless anyway." He scoffs, though I can tell he is lying, his stance tense and ready to move at a moment's notice, sweat beading on his brow.

"Maybe, but I reckon you have a high sense of self preservation, even if your techniques are as bad as they come." I muse out loud to him, before reaching into my jacket and pulling out a handgun I nicked from a security guard a couple of months ago, holding it down by my side for the minute. His eyes widen a little, almost indiscernibly, his neck tightening as he swallows nervously.

"You don't have the guts to shoot me."

"Don't I?" I cock the gun, aiming straight at his head, "Wanna test that theory?"

Gritting his teeth, he finally decides it's not worth it, climbing into his truck and driving off without a second glance, my arm only dropping when the vehicle leaves my sight. Sighing, I feel the disgust at my appearance finally set in, the congealing blood plastering the fabric of my clothes making them stick to me uncomfortably.

A whistle, followed by a slow clap interrupts me. I turn to find the four people I least want to see leaning against the darkened window of a closed shop, eyes all fixed on me.

"Nice going. Didn't think you could actually do it." Mullet-boy (as I call him) smirks at me, a cloud of smoke billowing out of his lips as he speaks, a cigarette clasped between two fingers.

"What the hell do you four want?" I retort, eyeing them all suspiciously.

"Just wanted to see the show." Twisted Sister Wannabe shrugs, leaning back against the wall with a wide grin, Blondie agreeing with him with a smirk. Only the brunette remains silent, his dark eyes watching me with some sort of emotion in them - admiration?

"Well show's over now, so you can leave me alone."

"Where's the fun in that?" Mullet-boy responds, sauntering over to me with an air of confidence, stopping over the body of the vampire I killed just minutes ago.

"Where's the fun in staying here?" I point out, hesitantly crouching down by her head, pulling the stake from her lifeless skull whilst keeping a close eye on the vampires crowding around me.

A low chuckle leaves the leader, his lips briefly closing around his cigarette as he inhales and exhales after a few seconds.

"You stopped Marko from going after her earlier. Why?" He finally asks, blue eyes holding my gaze in place.

"Who?" I question, before remembering the name that goes with the correct face, "Oh right, yeah, I did. You would've messed up my plan if you'd kept going, and you would've ended up dead."

"Is that right?" Blondie - or rather, Marko - bristles at my words, stepping forwards slightly until the brunette stops him.

"What makes you think he couldn't take them on?" The taller vampire inquires, eyebrow lifted in curiosity.

I shrug dismissively.

"They were both new to the profession."

"Doesn't that make them easier to kill?" Twisted Sister Wannabe frowns, exchanging a glance with Marko.

"Maybe, but it also makes them more dangerous." I sink the piece of carved wood into the unconcious vampire's chest, killing her properly, before placing the stake into my pocket again, standing back up again and backing away from them, going to the space where the truck was originally stood, inspecting the ground around it. The vampires watch me with interest, none of them making a sound until Marko and Twisted Sister Wannabe start to whisper with each other, the two of them giggling amongst themselves at some private joke, only stopping again when I lean down to pick something up off the floor.

"What've you got there, kitten?" Mullet-boy questions me, voice sounding bored even though I know I've piqued his curiosity, the platinum blonde making his way over to me again, taking another drag of his cigarette.

"Don't call me that, Mullet-boy." I growl at him, warningly, feeling slightly triumphant when his face tightens momentarily.

"I could ask you the same thing, hunter." He responds, tone laced with threat.

"Or you could ask me my name." I point out, inspecting the object in my hand: a small signet ring which reeks of garlic. Clearly, the hunter is not aware of how utterly useless this is.

"I know your name. The question is whether you remember ours."

"Of course I do, I'm not an idiot." I snark back at him, examining the insignia on the ring's face, not quite noticing as the other three come closer.

"We never said you are." The brunette, Dwayne, reminds me, his head suddenly appearing close to mine as he takes a look at the loop of metal in my hand. I tense up as I find them all circled around me, each of them looking at the ring, a frown appearing on David's face as he drops the cigarette, crushing it underfoot as he takes the ring from me.

"That's interesting." He murmurs to himself, eyeing the intricate lines with a practiced eye, as if he knows the pattern well.

"What is?" Twisted Sister Wannabe, Paul, asks, face creased with confusion. When the leader doesn't move to respond, I roll my eyes and step forwards, taking the ring back from him with a sense of finality, going back over to the body, where I pat it down, looking for any possessions she may have owned, finding none except another ring, a smaller one this time. Pocketing them both, I reach under the limp body and tense my muscles, picking it up with a small grunt, wincing a little when the drying blood sticks to my clothes, the stench quickly entering my nostrils. As I heave the body into a comfortable position, I shoot one last look over at the four vampires, nearly smirking at their surprised expressions, clearly not expecting me to be able to lift such a heavy weight, raising an eyebrow at them almost as if in farewell, before turning and starting to walk off, intending to dump the body out at sea, where it won't be found for at least a few weeks.

"I have one last question before you go." David calls after me, voice genuinely curious for once.

"What is it?" I snap back at him, eager to get home at this point, fed up with reeking of vampire blood.

"Would you have shot him if he didn't leave?"

I slow my pace momentarily, redrawing the gun from my jacket as I balance the body against me. Without a word, I aim blindly at a nearby building, compressing the trigger twice.

Only one hole appears in the brickwork.

"My first shot is always a blank, but my second is always well-placed." I respond, continuing on after holstering the gun once more, cursing myself for wasting a bullet. Behind me, I can just about make out Marko and Paul talking with each other, one sentence standing out to me.

"Well, I'm glad we don't have to worry about her." Paul says this, but he is quickly interrupted by David, who sounds a little put out.

"I'm not so sure about that."

[kaen-ace-of-diamonds]

Winning Pair

Word Count: 1,800+ (oneshot) [AO3]

Genre: Romance/Fluff

Characters/Pairing: Nara Shikamaru/Temari

Summary: Shikamaru has come to a decision. The only part left is how to make it memorable for the love of his life.

Written for the Leaves in the Wind ShikaTema zine.

~0~

Shikamaru was grateful to his teammates for many things. But Ino and Choji realizing from the few times they’d noticed him and Temari together that they were seeing each other, keeping track of when Temari was going to be hanging around Konoha, and casually informing Shikamaru so he could make time to meet her there...Well. That was a quiet but special mark of the bond they shared. 

And here he’d been, under the impression that they had been real subtle about their relationships, too. Neither were big on flashy displays of affection, but he figured that there was nothing he could hide from his oldest friends. He would have to find some way to actually acknowledge that and thank them for it, especially after this, because a week prior to today, they had informed him that Temari would be staying in Konoha for a couple days. For some diplomatic task or another on her brother’s behalf; Shikamaru hadn’t really cared much for those details. 

What was important to him was that he’d gotten plenty of time to plan in advance the move he wanted to make. Always a nice thing, in both shogi and life. Most of his free time this week had been spent alone in silence planning, eyes closed and fingers interlaced. Or sitting with his father, over tea or dinner or game, discussing the matter. He had considered going to all of his friends about it. After all, they would end up becoming involved one way or another (Ino and Choji certainly already knew of, or at least suspected, his intentions), and some of them were already knowledgeable, even successful, in the art of courting. But no: Nara men did it differently. He and Temari did it differently. 

So, Shikamaru waited. He planned. He fine-tuned the details, like an artisan filing out the tiniest parts of an intricate wooden design. Such as the cube puzzle in his hands right now, that he was fiddling with as he sat at the back of his home to wait. He glanced upward every so often to watch the sun, and to track its progressing arc across the sky.

This was good. Clear sky, barely a single cloud out there. Bright light and visibility. Only the slightest of breezes out to disturb the air, barely even strong enough to ruffle his hair. He would never have called himself the sort of man who had real refined taste or appreciation for great beauty; he supposed he was just like his father in that way. But even so, he couldn’t help but think that he couldn’t have made a more perfect day if he had made a damn checklist for it. He’d made backup plans, of course, in case of rain or lightning, but he was glad he didn’t have to rely on them. This fit better with the scene in his head.

His girl was always the strict and professional sort on the job, and so she was perfectly on time today. Right when the sun moved a little past the highest point of its arc, he looked up and all of a sudden there was Temari’s silhouette up in front of him. The pale rays of light glinted off her bared-teeth grin. 

“Hey there, handsome. Have you really been sitting around here with that thing all day?”

Shikamaru set the puzzle box aside on the planks next to him. “Waiting around, yeah. How’d your meeting go?”

Temari waved her hand dismissively. “Just fine, same as always. I’m more interested in you.” 

“Yeah, I’ll bet,” he said, giving her a wolfish smirk, and received a half-hearted whap on the head with a closed fan for his trouble. 

“Not like that, smartass. Your friend Akimichi told me you wanted me to stop by because you wanted to spend quality time with me. Were those your words or his? Him I expect that kind of sappy stuff from, but you? Hell no.”

He nearly had to bite his tongue to keep from giving away his whole game with a quick and snarky, Oh, really? Temari was sharp, and she was better than any girl he’s ever met, up to and including both Ino and his own mother, at figuring out when he was up to something. Sappy stuff...Even she really had no clue what she was in for.

“Choji’s words,” he answered, standing up to look her directly in the eyes, the color of the sea in storm. He wondered if she could truly appreciate that the way he does, being from the desert and all. “I did have some plans in mind though, if you’re up for it...”

He stepped back and raised his hand in a non-hostile challenge stance. “How about a little sparring match? Since the courtyard’s all empty and there’s nobody here to bother.”

Temari tilted her head to the side, hand on her hip. She was trying to give him a skeptical look, but he could tell that she was trying not to laugh. “Really? That’s what you wanted me out here for? Some extra training?”

His smirk broadened. Exactly how he had predicted she would react. His next scripted line really would fit in perfectly. “So how about we make it a little more interesting than that?”

“Oh, yeah? What did you have in mind?”

“Let’s say...” He pretended to think about it for a moment. “Let’s say that if you win, I’ll give you a grand prize.”

“A grand prize, huh?” Temari snickered. “You’ve already got something in mind, don’t you?”

Yeah, nothing gets past you, hon.

“Maybe. You’ve got to win to find out, don’t you?”

“I guess I do. I’ll go easy on your house, if only for your parents’ sake, but don’t expect me to do the same for you, Shikamaru. Got it?”

He almost laughed. “I never would.”

Before the words were even out of his mouth, Temari was flying at him, the winds picking up a bit in the space around them. It wasn’t exactly his speed that Shikamaru prided himself on, but like any shinobi worth his salt, he was more than fast enough to dodge both her kicks and the strikes of her half-closed fan. When they would spar, their flashier or more destructive techniques were left to the spacier areas of Konoha, the training forests and the extensive wilderness inside the village borders, where a fallen tree or a few flying branches were of relatively little concern. 

(And there was that sole, memorable occasion where he had been the one to travel to Sunagakure and had to very quickly get used to walking and navigating on an endless field of shifting sand. He’d stomach the idea of moving out there if it was what Temari wanted, but all the same he certainly hoped it wasn’t.)

Here in the tiny, grassy arena of his courtyard, taijutsu was their default style of choice. It didn’t get Shikamaru’s blood pumping the way another kind of fight could, but then again, that had never been something he looked for. This way, he could truly appreciate the way his quick, short, and decisive movements clashed with Temari’s slower but stronger sweeping strikes, studying the minutiae between their styles in order to augment his existing tactics and let new ones form. Even better — he had been significantly surprised to realize that this came higher in his priorities — when they were this close to one another, he could take the split-seconds of calm to drink in every last part of his beloved.

He’d respected her strength first and foremost, when they had been children and she had been just an obstacle to his primary goal of finding someplace to sleep through the rest of the Chuunin Exams. Her smarts, always gleaming in those sharp eyes of hers, had come shortly after. A clever girl who could handle herself in battle and carry on a decent conversation after? Not the rarest gift, but still the most precious one. 

Not that he’d ever tell her so (he knew that even a genius couldn’t make it sound like a compliment), but he had noticed her beauty last. No...That didn’t sound right. He had always known that Temari was beautiful. More accurate was the sentiment that he had taken years to realize just how deeply her beauty struck his heart. 

There were her arms slinging around his shoulders or hugging his waist tightly from behind, never so lightly that he couldn’t feel the strength of her muscles. Her lips, so surprisingly gentle as they pressed against his own, or laid soft lines up his neck, when they were entwined together in bed. Her smile, which made something swell in his chest every time he saw it. It calmed him when his nerves were frayed, excited him when he was cold and flat, lifted him back up out of the deep waters of grief. It — she — was the most radiant thing he had ever seen. 

Even the sharp shock of her flesh on his, the muffled clang of thin mail, was more gratifying than it had ever been with any other person. What was that old saying that Naruto was so fond of? About how true warriors could understand each other’s feelings through the wordless exchange of blows? They weren’t trying to hurt each other, far from it. They were only becoming closer to one another.

So Shikamaru didn’t mind at all when one blindingly fast round sweep from Temari’s fan caught him in the backs of the knees, and sent him pitching backwards to the grass. He landed with a thump on his back, and there was only a short beat of silence and spinning blue sky above him before Temari was standing there instead. She planted a foot lightly on his chest and tipped his chin up with the end of her fan. Her smile was triumphant this time, and his heart skipped a beat. 

“Looks like I won, then. So what’s this grand prize I’ve earned?”

Shikamaru smirked, and gestured to himself. 

“How about this hand?” he said, and Temari tilted her head to the side, puzzled. 

“What? I’m not about to cut off your h —“ She blinked, a spark of realization in her eyes, and then burst out laughing. “You absolute sap! You don’t mean hand in marriage, do you?”

“Yeah, and if I did? Is that a prize you’re interested in?”

“You know, I’d say you’re giving yourself too much credit, but...I can’t seem to do that.” 

Temari stepped back, then reached down to pull Shikamaru up from the ground and into a quick but deep kiss. 

“Tell me, though,” she purred, her face still so close to his own. “Did you just let me win as part of a proposal setup?”

Shikamaru hummed noncommittally. “Did it seem that way to you?”

Temari snickered. “A kunoichi’s pride is nothing to toy with, Nara Shikamaru. Tell you what: you give me a rematch, with nothing on the line this time, and you’ll have yourself a fiancée.”

Shikamaru grinned. His girl’s fire was as strong as ever. “Deal.”

[currentlyreadingmanga]

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun Chapter 21: The Tea Party (Part 1)

Previously: we went on a very stressful and very emotional trip. We finally learned Hanako’s brother’s name: Tsukasa and he continued to unsettled me like he does every single time he appears. Mitsuba actually passed away, this time for good, it seemed and it made me tear up a bit ngl. After that, the chapter decided I hadn’t suffered enough so it punched me while I was down and showed us how Hanako feels about the existence of the dead as ghosts in general and how that reflects in his own sense of self. We also got another glimpse of the mermaid and she said some real ominous shit :)))) if anything happens to Nene istg :)))))) Sigh And last but not least, Natsuhiko went to see Nene at her classroom and I’m,,,,concerned,,,,

Now onto the next chapter!

Personal update for the 50 (holy shit?) of you that still follow this blog: Well…..hi there, it’s been a while ^^;; Looking back on it, quarantine really hit me like a bag of bricks and burned me out. It’s not the first time that has happened, and what it means to me is that I just can’t bring myself to consume new content; I might have loved it so far but my brain is like “nope, we’re not doing that today” and well, this time it happened for almost two months. Also, one of my cats went missing for a little over a week (he’s home now, thankfully) and that just added to the general distress I was feeling. But over the last week I actually wrote small fics for another fandom and it finally pushed me back into a creative state, so I went back to re-read the last couple of recaps I did for JSHK and it made me realise that I miss my babies and I really want to know where the story goes, so here I am c:

Ohhhh that’s right, we’re starting a new volume with this chapter! Our main trio is front and center and judging by the colorful pastries and the tea, it is a reference to the tea party that was alluded to in the preview of the last chapter. Also, I see the ropes are back again, but this time Kou also has some around him! Nene and Hanako seem to be tied together with pink, blue and yellow ropes, Nene and Kou seem to be tied together with an orange rope and both Hanako and Kou seem to have another rope each that it’s not connected to neither Nene nor each other. Hanako’s is red and considering the way in which we’ve seen him tied up before, I would guess this represents his connection to Tsukasa. Kou’s is pink and considering everything that just happened, could his rope represent his connection with Mitsuba? Like, I know he’s dead dead now and their actual friendship was short-lived but I would also like to think that even though he’s gone, his memory will live forever with Kou, hence the rope. But I’m speculating and I already went on a long enough tangent for the cover page so let’s move on.

The next color page has the main trio again as the central focus in what seems to be the inside of a place that has a clockwork-like mechanism. On the corners of the page we have who I assume will be important character during the following arc(s): Aoi, Akane, Yamabuki and Teru (the latter one worries me slightly ngl). 

Ohhhh okay, the content page says that one of the arcs is called “the three clock keepers” so the art on that page now makes more sense.

……….I really don’t trust him hhhhh please be careful, Nene, please don’t let your weakness for pretty boys cloud your judgement.

Ohhh it could be because of Nene’s dress and the bunny ears (and the twins) but the title page gives me strong Alice in Wonderland vibes. It’s a cute picture but Tsukasa is there and Nene is tearing up so I’m,,,concerned 

Okay so Nene followed Natsuhiko outside and 

Are you reciting her your dating profile or something? also “call me Natsuhiko-senpai ♡” omfg he’s one of those, huh? Like, it could all be an act but he’s looking less and less threatening by the minute lol

Nene, bless her, has the common sense of asking him why he wanted to talk to her all of the sudden and he says it’s because “someone wants to meet her”. Gee, I wonder who that could be :)))))

…………….oh, oh no. Nene, sweetie, I need you to run and to run fast because this boy is up to no good and you’re not gonna  like what’s gonna happen. (Edit note: also this brings up a question: how did the chaotic trio know that Nene turns into a fish when she touches water? Like, I know they had been keeping tracks on her and Hanako for some time, so maybe they found out that way? Oh, maybe they use the Mokke? Because the Mokke were there in Yako’s boundary when Hanako pushed Nene down the waterfall)

Hhhhhhh and to the surprise of no one, there’s Tsukasa here to make Nene’s day more difficult.

asdasgdjash please do not make my daughter share the same fate as the puffer fish, she doesn’t deserve it (ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；)

Nene fainted (can’t say I blame her jfc) and now she’s waking up in what seems to be the tea party and the floor is wet! so she thinks she could be on another boundary. Interesting, I wonder which number would this one be? Because the boundaries are assigned to the seven mysteries, right? So one of them should be in control of this place. Could Tsukasa be in control of this one? But that wouldn’t make much sense because he managed to get his “physical” form only recently, right? However, Hanako also spoke of a traitor that was changing rumors and we know that these three are responsible, so if they’re not the owners of the boundary maybe they somehow managed to manipulate the mystery that does control it? Oooor it could also be that there’s another boundary that managed to go under the radar and in turn the other mysteries don’t know about it.

sjdgjjasd she’s so done with them lol I know I call them the chaotic trio but it’s really the chaotic duo + Sakura. I’m so curious about how this whole *gestures wildly towards them* arrangement came to be.

Ohhhh this great! So Sakura got everything under control and from her introduction to Nene we now know that she’s a third year and we have confirmation that she became Tsukasa’s assistant in the same way that Nene did, in exchange for a wish. B U T, again, that brings up even more questions because Tsukasa said that while Amane granted the wishes of the living, he granted the wishes of the dead. So like (⚆.⚆) what’s up with that?? Is she an exception? Is she dead? Another supernatural? Or, maybe, even though it should be impossible considering what we know so far, could her wish have something to do with her being ‘alive’ in the school right now? Mhmmmm…...suspicious.

Okay but like, I actually really want to know how he fits in all of this because okay, Sakura and Tsukasa are linked together by the wish she made, but why is Natsuhiko here? Who is he? How did he end up working with these two?  He seems silly and completely whipped for Sakura, so maybe they knew each other before she made her “contract” with Tsukasa?  Hhhhh idk let’s keep reading.

Sakura says that she wanted to meet Nene because they’re in similar positions and she thought they could be good friends. And like, that’s a fair point…...but I don’t trust like that, no sir. Even if she didn’t want the boys to be so rough when they brought Nene here, the fact remains that they still kidnapped her so if this was just a friendly meeting, why would they need to do it in such a convoluted way?

Okay good, Nene is suspicious because of their methods and the amount of knowledge they have about her.

………………...sigh, I shouldn’t be surprised but bby no please don’t trust them so easily. She’s venting to Sakura about Hanako’s unpredictable behaviour and Sakura says that she can empathize with most of her struggles while Tsukasa is sitting on top of her shoulders and wrapping his arms and legs around here…...I can definitely see why she said he was cat-like because my cats do things like that when I’m sit down to write at my desk. But again, I know he’s technically a kid but I really need him to stop acting so cute because it unsettles me a lot.

Even he can see the romantic chemistry between those two. Well, thinking about it, that’s probably why they dragged her here, because she’s important to Hanako.

(;;⚆.⚆) NOPE, no, no thank you, I need you to back tf up please jfc

Nene snaps out of it and realizes that she let herself be drawn in by girl talk. She thankfully knows it was a stupid thing to do but she was just relieved and happy to have found someone who seems to understand what she’s going through, so I’ll cut her some slack. And she mentions that they don’t look like bad people but like I did, if they had innocent intentions, they wouldn’t have had to bring her by force.

………………...I feel like I’ve mentioned this before but I really hate it when either of them does this fucking face, it’s so creepy >n< also, Nene, sweetie, once again I’m asking you to run, run far and don’t look back because that look doesn’t spell anything good, especially paired with Sakura’s scared/resinged look (which makes me think that maybe her own intentions had been more innocent that I had originally given her credit for)

Hmmm. This is concerning; like, yes, Nene has to help Hanako with whatever he needs as his assistant as part of their deal and he does threaten to turn her into a fish when she pouts but I never got the feeling that it was malicious. On the other hand, Sakura’s wording (especially calling Tsukasa “Master” and saying she “can’t” disobey) and the look Tsukasa gave her make it seem like her punishment for not following his orders would be much more severe. hhhhh I really don’t like where this is going

Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||)  WHAT THE HELL THIS THAT THING WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK OH MY GO D

“We’re gonna have you disappear now” okay so, yeah, he’s doing this specifically to upset his brother. the room is fucking sinking though and omfg what even is this room?? is it really a boundary? Since this happened at this very moment, it looks like they do control it so my questions from before remain, the biggest one being “how”. Also I’ve just noticed that the eyes all over the place are very similar to the ones in the broadcasting room and now this tells me that those weren’t an artistic choice and that is terrifying.

…………………..excuse me, w h a t??? why? hello??? “she’s like this sometimes” ????? Sakura what???? I have….so many questions, the main one being why do you let her treat you like this??

……………………………………...oh…..y’know, I hate the term simp with a passion because I feel like it’s been memed to death but wow.

Hhhhhhhh it looks like she can’t stop sinking and that (and the fucking eyes) tell me that this is not normal water (since she would have turned into a fish already). She’s yelling out for Hanako and that’s how the chapter ends. I’m still :)))))) concerned :))))))))

[kuriboo]

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Month

Day 25: For the Glory of Academia! 

This is one of the two prompts for this month I felt a lot of inspiration for, given I did not have the time to work on all or even most of the prompts. At first, I wasn’t going to do this prompt either. As it turns out, I’ve written an au putting many  GX characters into Arc V already, years ago in a fic called Righteous Justice. I’d felt like I’d said all that needs to be said on it -- I ended it at a nice place, had no intentions to continue, and writing a very similar au just felt redundant, given I wouldn’t change much in Righteous Justice even now. 

Then I realized I had planned out a very unique role for Syrus in this au that I never touched on, because he never came up. I felt really inspired to write for that, to write out Syrus’ place in Righteous Justice and also focus on his relationship with Zane, given that Zane plays a large role in it. This is obviously very late given that GX Month ended in September; I finished writing this up at the beginning of October, but it took me to the end of October to type it up and edit it for posting. I enjoyed writing this a lot, so if you read, I hope you enjoy.

I’ll include links to both this fic and Righteous Justice on ao3 in the notes of this post.

⁂

Syrus glanced out the window. For the moment, everything looked peaceful. A few people were out and about, but as far as Syrus could tell, not a single person held a duel disk, or looked like they were disguising themselves. He couldn’t help but breath a sigh of relief.

Long ago, it was Syrus’ dream to attend Duel Academy. He wanted to become a professional duelist, and he was sure he’d have the skills to succeed after graduating, but...

Then he talked to his older brother, Zane.

Zane was already attending Duel Academy, so Syrus was sure Zane would have good insight on what the school was like. When Syrus asked Zane about his plans, Zane said only one thing: Syrus was too weak, not nearly good enough of a duelist to get in. Zane seemed to have no faith in Syrus. So, what was the point, then?

Those words in mind, Syrus changed his plans. He enrolled at a different high school, aimless for now but deciding to find a different goal to strive for. He was upset Zane didn’t believe in him, but Zane’s opinion still was important to him. Plus, since Zane was already going to Duel Academy, he was probably right, so Syrus’ confidence in his dueling ability dropped like a Truckroid in the ocean.

That all felt like it happened a lifetime ago, but it really wasn’t. It had been over a year, but in the scheme of things a year wasn’t that long. Zane hadn’t graduated yet.

Syrus wasn't sure what was happening around him anymore; rumors were spreading about Duel Academy about some project or something going on, but Syrus didn't know anything about that. What he had noticed, however, were the Duel Academy students roaming the streets. They often went after people trying to hide their appearances, seemingly trying to hide from something, or maybe someone. Maybe it was Duel Academy. Duel Academy students were seen dueling in the city more and more, and it seemed like the there were more people hiding all the time, too. At school, Syrus heard rumors that these people hiding their appearances were former students or staff of Duel Academy. That they didn't just leave, they'd had to escape. That they had formed some sort of rebellious group forming against Duel Academy.

But, well, Syrus was having enough trouble keeping up in all his classes. He couldn't keep up with the constant new rumors, or try to look into anything himself.

For now, though it seemed like there weren't any Duel Academy students doing...whatever they did around the city. No duels happening around him. The peace was nice for the short time it would last, and would make it a lot easier to focus on schoolwork. He had some homework to catch up on. Also, Syrus knew he was a horrible duelist. Zane had practically said so himself. He did not want to get caught in any of those duels that happened outside; he knew he would lose, and he did not want to know what would happen if he lost. There were rumors spreading about that, too.

Syrus sat down and put some homework in front of him. As he struggled through difficult problems, he couldn't help but think of Zane. They hadn't seen each other since Syrus graduated from middle school. How was Zane doing? What was his school life like? Did he have any friends? Would Syrus get a chance to meet them? One of his greatest fears was that he'd never know any of the answers to those questions. Would he ever see Zane again? Was there a chance they could become closer like they used to be?

He'd grabbed a snack partway through his homework assignment, but quickly realized it was gone already. He went to throw the snack's wrapper away, but he saw the garbage can was full. Time to take out the trash, then. He went outside with the bag. Currently, Syrus was renting an apartment because his school didn't have dorms (this apartment didn't put him very far from Duel Academy), so the apartment's dumpster was a bit of a walk. Still, it didn't take him long to get there and back. As Syrus returned, he looked at his door.

The door was left open. He'd forgotten to close it and lock it.

Even though it hadn't been long, Syrus felt nervous. He ran to the door as quick as he could, wanting to make sure nothing was out of place. As he reached the apartment, he shut the door behind him. He turned towards the living room, figuring that was the most obvious place to see if anything was broken or stolen.

Immediately, he saw two other people in the same room as him. Syrus squeaked as they both noticed him.

“It’s okay.” One of them held his hands up in a peaceful gesture. “I know it probably looks like we’re trying to rob you or something, but I promise we aren’t. It’s okay.”

”Then...” Syrus glanced at the person who had spoken, trying to stop himself from shaking (unsuccessfully). “Then why are you... Why are you here?”

”It’s a long story, but I guess we’ve already brought you into it? Oh, where are my manners?” The person who had spoken before held out one of his hands to offer Syrus a handshake. “I should introduce myself. You can call me Bastion.”

Syrus declined the offer. “I’m Syrus.”

”Nice to meet you, Syrus.” Bastion dropped his hand, seeming unoffended that Syrus rejected the handshake. “I wish it was under different circumstances.”

You and me both, Syrus thought.

”I’ll keep it brief—“

”We’re putting our trust in him?” The other person asked. They were holding one of Syrus’ homework assignments. Syrus stared at them. Bastion whispered to them to put it down, to which they complied. “He could turn us in.” They looked at Syrus. “Uh, yo, my name is Jaden, by the way.” They didn’t offer a handshake.

Bastion sighed. “It doesn’t really matter what he does now, I guess. We’re already here. He deserves to at least know why.”

”Right, why you’re in my apartment.”

”Yes. The main thing you need to know is we, uh, used to be at Duel Academy. We didn’t want to be there anymore. Duel Academy wants us to go back, but we don’t really want to. They keep sending students to find us, and we were just running away from them. We saw your door was open, and, well, it’s easier to hide when you aren’t out on the streets? I promise we won’t be here long, we just need to—“

”He could still turn us in to Duel Academy,” Jaden pointed out. “I thought you didn’t want to go back?”

”And you do?” Syrus was so confused, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Didn’t Bastion just say they both didn’t want to go back?

”He’s still undecided,” Bastion told Syrus.

Jaden stared at Syrus. Syrus found it hard to maintain eye contact, even more than he usually did with most people. Jaden shrugged, then looked out the window. “Whatever he decides to do, we can deal with it. But it’s cool. I trust your judgement, Bastion.”

Syrus turned his attention back to Bastion. “I’m really out of the loop,” he admitted. “Is something happening with Duel Academy? Why are people trying to leave? Why are they trying to get those people back? Isn’t it just supposed to be a duel school?” Might as well try to get a firsthand account while he could. Ignorance really wasn’t bliss for him right now; he’d rather know what was going on himself, even if only so he could stay out of the situation as much as possible.

”It’s supposed to be a duel school. It used to be just that. It’s sort of expanded beyond that? I was never a student there, but they brought me in to work on a project I never wanted to be part of. So, to make a long story short, here I am.”

”I guess that makes sense.” Syrus nodded, then looked at Jaden. “What about...” His words died in his throat. Jaden was still undecided, right? But then, why did he leave in the first place, if he wasn’t sure?

Before Syrus could think how to phrase what he was trying to ask, Jaden cut him off. “They’re nearby.”

Duel Academy was nearby?! “What if they come in?” Syrus stared down at the floor. Was it suddenly hot in the apartment, or was that just him? “I’ve seen people dueling outside recently, are they from Duel Academy? Will I have to duel somebody? I-I can’t, I’m not any good, I...” Syrus couldn’t duel anyone, especially from Duel Academy. He wouldn’t stand a chance. He hadn’t dueled since...

Jaden looked at Syrus, eyes widened with surprise. “Are you sure that’s true? That doesn’t seem right. I get the same feeling from you I got from Bastion when we first met. You just probably haven’t dueled anyone recently.”

”I don’t...it has to be true...I’m not...”

”The same feeling from me?” Bastion stared at Jaden. “I thought you thought I was...” He shook his head. “Now isn’t the time.” He turned to Syrus. “We won’t ask you to do anything for us. If a duel is demanded, we’ll step in. If someone comes in and doesn’t try to duel you, we will get out of here a different way, so they can’t connect you to us and give you any trouble.”

”Okay...okay...”

Less then a minute later, there were footsteps outside Syrus’ door. He squeaked. Bastion nodded to Jaden, and the two of them quietly walked away to sneak out the back entrance. After the two of them were out of sight, the front door was forced open. Syrus ran towards the door and looked up to see...

”Zane?!”

Standing now in the doorway, Zane seemed talker now than he had the last time Syrus had seen him; Syrus wasn’t sure if it was that Zane was actually taller, or if it was just because he was so intimidated by Zane. Syrus knew Zane was with Duel Academy. He could never tell by uniform what school someone was from, yet Zane wasn’t dressed like anyone Syrus had seen around his apartment. Zane’s uniform was different from the last time Syrus had seen him in, too, even though Zane had been a student at Duel Academy then as well. Syrus wasn’t about to act like he knew anything about Duel Academy’s uniforms, though.

”I haven’t seen you since...” Syrus couldn’t even get a full sentence out, the words just kept getting trapped in his throat. He wasn’t even sure how he felt, seeing Zane again. Happy? Upset? Well, last time he’d seen Zane was when he told him... Right now, he knew he felt scared and inadequate for sure.

Zane glared down at Syrus. “You’re still pretty close to Duel Academy.” He looked around at what he could see of the apartment from the doorway. “Do you really think you can transfer in later or something? Do you really think you’re good enough to do that?”

Syrus tried not to squeak in response. "No, I...I know better than that. It's just... My school is nearby..." It was mostly coincidence. Syrus hadn't realized when he enrolled at his school how close it was. Once he found out, though... the feelings Syrus had about Zane were very mixed after Zane told Syrus that he would never have what it takes to succeed at Duel Academy. But even with that, Syrus found some comfort with not being too far away from Zane. No matter wat, if Syrus ever were really in trouble he was sure that Zane would still try to help him (...he hoped).

"Sy." Zane closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Even if you aren't enrolled at Duel Academy, you still do not get it." His hand fell back to his side as he glared down Syrus . "At least it finally sunk in that you'll always be too weak to get anywhere at the academy. But it's not just the school. You're too weak to be anywhere near the school. Maybe this time it will sink in. We're fighting a war, Syrus."

" War?! " Syrus took a step back, unable to look away from Zane. "What is that supposed to mean?" Honestly, he could not remember anyone mentioning a war. Not Bastion or Jaden, who supposedly left Duel Academy, and Zane sure hadn't before now. He couldn't have heard Zane correctly. Really, how could a school be involved in a--

"It means we are fighting a war, Syrus." Zane rolled his eyes and scowled. "Our world is sick. It's sick and broken, and only the best of the best can fix it. Some people don't want to do that, so right now a war is what it's taking to accomplish that. Anyone who is weak is in the way. Some people who went to Duel Academy don't believe in fixing our world either, so this is part of the war zone now. As long as you're here, you're a liability and in our way."

Syrus didn't really understand what Zane was talking about. The world is sick? Somehow a war was supposed to fix that? Was this what all the duel in the area were about? But Zane said he was in the way, he was weak, so...

"What do you want me to do? Transfer somewhere else, move away from here? I can't do that! I signed a lease!"

Syrus looked down at his hands. They weren't shaking, were they? Definitely not.

"Then get out of it."

Syrus sighed. "Well, if you came all the way here just to tell me to leave, then I guess I can give it a shot..." That probably wasn't the only reason Zane was here, but he couldn't tell him Jaden and Bastion has been here , right? He told them he wouldn't. Besides, saying something could lead to a duel, and Syrus refused to be anywhere near that. He refused to risk getting involved in one. Zane was the best, so why would he need help from Syrus, anyway?

Zane frowned. "I hadn't even known you were here." Right. Zane probably didn't care where Syrus was, as long as it wasn't around him. " I was sent to chase after some Duel Academy traitors. I thought I saw them enter this building, but there's no way a coward like you could hide them, so this was a waste of time."

Without even a goodbye, Zane turned around and walked away, leaving the apartment. Syrus was barely able to get himself to walk to the door and close it behind Zane, he was shaking so badly. Taking a deep breath, Syrus started to think over what Zane had said to him.

⁂

The back exit of the apartment was easy to find. Bastion had taken the lead in sneaking out by Jaden's request, and he trusted Jaden to watch his back. The two of them were ready to leave without a sound unless something bad happened, but when Bastion heard Syrus talking to whoever Duel Academy soldier was after them, any thoughts he had about leaving quickly vanished.

"Zane? I haven't seen you since..."

"You're pretty close to Duel Academy."

Zane Truesdale was the one chasing after them now? Maybe this situation wasn't as bad as Bastion had thought. They were completely out of sight from Zane or anyone who might be outside the front door, so Bastion turned to Jaden. "Hold on," he whispered. Jaden nodded, seemingly trusting Bastion's judgement.

Bastion leaned against the nearest wall and frowned. Syrus was talking to Zane. It sounded like they knew each other. Syrus had known nothing about Duel Academy's new mission but recognized Zane immediately. How was that possible? How could he know about Zane, but not about Duel Academy? One could hardly put one in a sentence without the other these days. In Duel Academy's hierarchy, Zane Truesdale was on par with Aster Phoenix; commanders of Duel Academy's army, well respected, extremely talented duelists. He was also known to be harsh and cold to those beneath them. From the sound of Zane's voice, Syrus couldn't be just be some friend Zane had outside the academy, because that was clearly how he felt about Syrus. Or, at least, that's what he wanted Syrus to think.

How Zane truly felt, Bastion had no idea.

See, Zane was actually a double agent. He'd been serving as one for quite a long time by working with the You Show Duel School, mostly by feeding them information from within Duel Academy's more respected circles. Zane truthfully did not believe in the academy's mission; according to Alexis, respect was one of Zane's most championed values, so how could he believe in the war effort when they showed it to no one? Yet, Zane still played his role at Duel Academy very well to stay out of suspicion. Bastion and Jaden would both be safe as long as Zane didn't see them. If Zane saw them, however, it would not matter that he was a double agent. He would show no mercy.

Which made it all the more confusing that Syrus knew Zane. Whose side was Syrus truly on? Had Syrus lied about being unaware of Duel Academy 's actions? Bastion did want to believe Syrus, but...

Soon, Zane started talking how Syrus was too weak to be a student at Duel Academy, and something clicked in Bastion's mind.

"Before I left Duel Academy, as we realized how much the school had already changed and how much it was still going to change, Zane and I were friends. We both have brothers, and he used to worry about his. He was younger than Zane, wanted to enroll in Duel Academy too when he was old enough, but Zane... As Duel Academy changed, with his brother was in the dark about it, Zane told me didn't want his brother to follow his footsteps there. He wanted his brother to be safe from the academy, he didn't want him to have to go through all this like we did. So don't let his attitude bother you so much. He has a heart, he has a lot of it, I've seen it for myself. He cares a lot about all of this. But he can't risk showing it. He acts like he does because, well, he has to."

Syrus had claimed to be a bad duelist. Zane seemed to think the same. But Bastion trusted Jaden's instincts about Syrus' dueling ability. Did Zane convince Syrus he was a horrible dueling to keep him safe? Was Zane acting like this to Syrus to protect him from experiencing the horrors of Duel Academy's new curriculum firsthand?

Bastion glanced out the back door windows. He wasn't sure how well Zane accomplished that.

Syrus was living within walking distance of the You Show Duel School.

[monkey-network]

The Fiasco Finale of Future [1/2]

So in the penultimate episode of Steven Universe 2, the climax of both the season and series as a whole... is a group hug. As I expected, plenty were not too pleased with this turnout. Some felt it was anti-climatic, some felt it was resonating, and others tried to own the critics by digging deep into the scene like they always do sucking this show’s co- Coming from nearly a month later, I’m... split. One hand, I didn’t mind the climax. On the other hand, it was pathetic compared to plenty of other finales I’ve seen in media. It’s like this show as a whole, I enjoy it, but I also enjoy smacking it upside the head cuz it made some Karen-esque, All Lives Matter type stupid shit that I just cannot get behind. So you know what, Perry the Platypus, let’s mix it up. I wanna express the good and bad of this climactic end to the show and see where we can go from there. You ready?

What’s Good:

You truly wanna know what makes that final hug a great scene? A real showstopper? I have the truth, the best truth behind this, you won’t believe me but here goes. The climax worked because A Hug Is Nice. That’s it, there’s nothing else to it beyond a hug being nice. “But Monkey, you incel troll, there’s should’ve been more to that. The episode shouldn’t have taken that long to get to that point.” Well, in typical fashion, let me put it this way by talking about Spider-Man 2 (better than Spiderverse, don’t @ me). The whole movie is centered around Peter’s life getting shat on. He’s getting fired left and right, his people are abandoning him, he even loses his powers, he’s just at his utter lowest. But at his apartment, while contemplating, in comes his landlord’s daughter, Ursula, who offers him some chocolate cake and a glass of milk.

We can say the scene comes out of nowhere and that this is all that happens, feeling pointless, but I say this is an important scene because after everything that happens to him before, this one gesture from somebody out of nowhere to be honest was one of the nicest things he’s received in a while. It’s the seedling of a scene that keeps Parker going before Doc Ock comes to make him truly spring back into action. Above everything, it was nice. Like a hug.

I don’t need to be philosophically deep with SU2′s meta to tell you that a hug can be a worthwhile thing to get more than anything. It doesn’t resolve all the baggage Steven has in his mind, but a group hug from the people closest to you (and the Diamonds) can be a gesture so nice, it can numb you out, if only for a moment. Only other times where Steven got a hug was when he felt everything could be okay. With Lars, Peridot, and Connie after her “rejection”, and it’s after that “rejection” where he slowly loses it in his attempts to shake off that harsh feeling of abandonment and that everything can be okay. It is something where he can turn to the others for help but the concern of their response makes him reasonably suffer in silence. That last part is a little dumb, but I’ll get to that later. He can’t really hug himself because it doesn’t work like that. The point being that Steven, at his lowest, just needed something nice to consider. And a hug from everyone who loves him (and the Diamonds) can be that piece of chocolate cake he needed to be at ease, again, if only for a moment.

Like let me tell ya, as a deliriously depressed man that constantly wishes for death, a hug shouldn’t be spat on. Whether it be from your friends or mommy, a good hug can, at the very least, keep you sane and going. It isn’t medication, let’s not get it twisted, but a healthy remedy nonetheless, especially if you’ve ever felt touch-starved like I have before. It’s an affectionate gesture that for what it’s worth, should never be taken for granted. And while Steven could’ve well gotten this big type hug at almost any time he desired, I can at least appreciate the show for saving that at the right time. Whew. But, while the moment itself is nice, it’s predictably almost everything around it that unfortunately puts the moment in a vacuum and me with a bad taste in my mouth.

What’s Bad: 

Let’s get this out the way, because I’m such a literal bastard... *inhale*

Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!

Congrats on those with the corrupted!steven theories who no doubt had it hard on when this horned trunk ascended, hung its head high, and beat its meaty chest with blind rage, the crewniverse certainly had the balls to go with this design and a long discussion of utilizing Monster Steven’s full potential. And if you think I’m nasty about this, hoo boy, be glad that words are all you’re seeing right now because artists no doubt had a field day potentially ruining this design for you even more. I’m surprised Tumblr’s flagging system hasn’t taken down whole posts with this. HEHEHEHAAAAAAAA!

As you can probably tell, I’m not a fan of this Diamond Dinodildo’s design (say that 5x times fast). I mean Rebecca could be as horny as she pleased with this show, but this is next level, I tell you. But seriously, it honestly sucked that this is what they came up with when it served no purpose to Steven thematically other than him being a literal peen of a monster. Said this before, but what does becoming a corrupted looking amalgamation mean to him beyond “he’s a monster”? Corrupted gems weren’t the worst things in his world, they were products of a even worse thing. Turning into a diamond like figure would’ve said something about the cycle of abuse making you not feel like yourself, but a reflection of who you not only resent more than anyone, but were the indirect causes of your newfound issues. That would’ve took his struggle in the Diamonds Days arc to its next logical extreme, and brought most of Future’s episodes centered around Steven’s issues to a sensible turning point. Being a warped Diamond version of himself would’ve meant finally embracing inhumanity, and that would’ve conveyed the peak of Steven harshly feeling less like a human over the course of the season, especially when we had several episodes and new powers centering around him being inhuman. And a previous episode had him try to shatter a Pink version of White Diamond, two beings generally responsible for everything that’s happened to him. And it isn’t the design that made this a turn off.

What was Steven even gonna do as a monster? He does nothing to the town, he never even makes it pass the cliffside. He doesn’t even try to attack anybody, the only times he does is when he’s provoked by either the Cluster, the Diamonds, or any of the gems. Spinel raised more hell than Steven. So on the look back it’s insultingly sad they hyped up this big dick energy only to do... genuinely nothing. He already didn’t deserve turning into Pinky the Phallisaurus, but having him not even do anything as a monster left far more to be desired. Mob Psycho 100 did this nearly identical, but better. You can’t deny that it would’ve worked better with 22 minutes, actually give him something to do beyond screech and stomp like he’s Scrat from Ice Age. As much as I don’t like Change Your Mind, 45 minutes worked to its favor to do everything it did. Oh wait, this episode did make good use of time... with a fucking pity party.

They wasted my baby

This is. The WORST scene in the entire series and I’ll stand by that 100%. It’s one thing to show something offensive, but it’s another to have something be completely pointless. Yes, Connie talked some sense into them, but we didn’t need to waste time having White Diamond and the others bitch about something everyone who isn’t a toesucking simp should’ve figured out at that point. Not like it mattered, the Diamonds and Spinel never show up after this episode anyways, so good job making them count for something, I guess. This as well as minorly acknowledge the fact that the gems had a lot to do with Steven’s mental trauma because hey, we don’t have to hold these gems too accountable for child neglect. Speaking of which, where was Jasp- This plays well into my previous point, we aren’t shown what Steven was gonna do as a monster, so what else is the episode to do beyond holding him back in time to just make the characters go “All is lost” for one second before getting back up like this is Marvel’s Captain Driftwood?

Friendship is Magic had this type of moment in its penultimate finale but in that, more time was given to show the villains getting the upper hand, Twilight at her low point, her turnaround with her friends, and the lead in charge to defeat the villains. While some moments felt convenient and downright insulting, they made the most of their limit. The same can’t be said for this and it makes no sense. Speaking of things that make no sense:

Was this shapeshifting or corruption? Rushing or dragging? This personally bothers me because people are saying he shapeshifted even when they were also on board with him corrupting. But what was the point where monster Steven cums cries into the ocean turning it pink?

Now if Steven got himself corrupted, this would make sense since the three Diamonds are there with so fully turning him back to normal wouldn’t be an issue. Questions would arise about how corruption can happen to a human, then again this is Steven Universe, fans never really wanted you to ask questions. But if this was shapeshifting, then why have this permanent monster form? It would’ve made a little more sense of Steven changing his shape depending on his emotions, like what we’ve seen before. Additionally, Steven should have been capable of talking normally instead of roaring and growling like he switched brains with an actual animal. Just because he kinned Godzilla’s joystick doesn’t mean he was unable to speak to anybody, that is if he shapeshifted. Lastly, and this is more implicit than my previous points:

This season shouldn’t have tried tacking mental issues and trauma onto this dickslap of a climax. I’m on the side where we should’ve seen more from monster Steven, but what does this tell me for the topic of mental health? Nearly killing people on three separate occasions didn’t help, but having him transform into a near mindless beast is a backhanded way to convey post traumatic stress. Let me put it this way, if we didn’t get that episode where we learn Steven had held up trauma and stress from Doctor Priyanka, everything surrounding it afterward wouldn’t feel as fucked up as it did. Yes, understanding a root of a character’s problems is good, beneficial even, but having your character nearly, sporadically, commit MURDER THREE TIMES only to then have him become a wildin’ creature does nothing, if not disgust. It's disgusting when you talk about PTS one minute and have your main character be socially dangerous the next. You’d feel sorry for him, sure, but I gotta say nearly killing people is not something we should just hand wave. That is not a good or realistic depiction of depression and post traumatic stress; especially when you trying to discuss this with children. And don’t try to justify it by saying it was necessary for his downward spiral. Having to think and see death before my own eyes in real life, there should’ve been a better way to make Steven hit rock bottom without putting other’s lives on the line. It wasn’t compelling or resonating to see him become a witless creature after saying he could get away with anything, it felt jarringly hallow and teeth gritting sadistic to think this was acceptable. It took him turning into a literal creature to finally go to therapy or a throwaway line about therapy in this show’s case? Are you kidding me?

The hug is a nice moment on its own, but it took far too many kneecaps to get to this point and think it’s believably or justly earned. I can make fun of the monster design all I want, but what they put Steven through to get to this point is the most insulting writing I ever have to think about. Because you know what that hug told me, personally? It’s that you can commit near irrefutable atrocities, you can behave like a blithering rampaging beast all you wish, but that won’t matter. Because you’re valid and your people will love you. That is not only asinine, but it kinda pissed on what I went through growing up. Like, as idealistic as that felt, it didn’t add up because it made the mentally unstable come off as more unstable than they mostly are. You can disagree all you want with this, it won’t change the baffling fact that I came to this conclusion in the first place when I didn’t want to. “But the crew said in an interv-” NO, just nope. If the message the show gives is this polarizing for those that invested or were concerned with it, maybe the message wasn’t clear enough, who knows? I can believe Mr. Rogers never fucked this up when he made his show. I tried thinking of this differently, but I can’t excuse what they did and how they did it. Bojack Horseman never pulled this with its main lead and when it truly did, that was given more time to sort out; not an 11 minute epilogue in its final moments. The hug was nice, but this episode was trash.

Speaking of which, next time...

We Finally Look to the Future

Here’s Part 2, if you’re up.

[feminetflix]

De atracos y ab*rtos - Of heists and ab*rtions or How women are being robbed.

⚠️ this contains major spoilers for LA CASA DE PAPEL / MONEY HEIST season 1, specifically episode 3!

Personally, I have experienced the series la casa de papel (original title) or money heist as progressive, realistic and not afraid to deal with certain topics like domestic violence which I will be commenting on in posts yet to be published, female trans representation and occasionally peppered with numerous feminist parentheses (see characters like Nairobi and dialogues around/involving her opinion).

However, there are certain aspects I did not enjoy to watch / do not support. That is normal and every show has its flaws, those resulting all the more dangerous however, as money heist is not just any show. The series is thanks to its popularity by now a relevant aspect of people’s opinion-forming and plays into the perception of many people all around the world, coming from different cultures and having experienced all kinds of upbringing. The target audience is not specified, yet crime drama (the genre) is estimated to target both females and males aged 15-40 years old. Means, also targeting minors and adolescents. Again, all cultures / religions / races / classes etc etc included.

I am fully aware that this kind of range was not expected and therefore not taken into account by producers, talking about the first two seasons that were solely meant for a Spanish audience, not an international one. (The series was initially intended as a limited series to be told in two parts. It had its original run of 15 episodes on Spanish network Antena 3 from 2 May 2017 through 23 November 2017. Netflix acquired global streaming rights in late 2017). The analysed / discussed scene is indeed part of this maybe not so carefully crafted content. Cough.

Let’s get right into it.

Characters interacting: Mónica Gaztambide (Esther Acebo), one of the hostages who was also Arturo Román's secretary and introduced as his mistress and “Denver” (Jaime Lorente), one of the robbers participating in the heist [Denver is an alias, all robbers being referred to with city names]

Context: Mónica has an affair with Arturo Román (Enrique Arce) -hostage and former Director of the Royal Mint of Spain- which leads to an unwanted pregnancy. Numerous factors influence her (for now) final decision: she doesn’t want the child. Shortly after, the robbery unfolds and she’s taken hostage among other people. She then requests an ab*rtion pill, which at some point arrives in the mint alongside other medical supplies. The scene analysed: one of the robbers (Denver) is supposed to hand her mentioned ab*rtion pill. Before that he holds an emotional speech on the subject, morally risen forefinger, accusations and tears included.

Here the dialogue without comments:

————Now my opinion / the actual post:

“You need money, right?” One might think that the amount of money seen in this frame (20.000,-€ approx. $21.701,50 according to Denver) is an exaggerated, way too generous gesture. Let me tell you, it is not.

According to a 2017 report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the average cost of raising a child from birth [to] age 17 is $233,610. If that made your heart skip a beat, take a deep breath before you read on. Incorporating inflation costs, it will be more like $284,570. Since that’s based on 2015 numbers, we can expect the cost will be even higher, babies born since then.

[…] This average includes everything from housing, food and transportation to healthcare, education and childcare to clothing, personal care items and entertainment.

Let me now remind you that Mónica is a secretary, so she likely earns (barely) enough money to be financially independent herself (taking into account that she lives near or maybe even in Madrid, her workplace, the Royal Mint situated there, so housing alone is hella expensive) and can’t really expect reliable support coming from the potential child’s father, Arturo Román, either, who initially denied support himself, their relationship a secret to the family and wife he already has. Phew.

Btw: A University of California at San Francisco study found that women who were turned away from ab*rtion clinics […] were three times more likely to be below the poverty level two years later than women who were able to obtain ab*rtions. 76% of the "turnaways" ended up on unemployment benefits, compared with 44% of the women who had ab*rtions.

“Enough to get the kid diapers until he graduates.” The problem or let’s say points raised above are now also being ridiculed or not taken seriously to say the least.

She takes the money, sticking to her decision however. “So, what’s the problem?” Or “Then, what is it?” A million additional things, Denver, believe it or not a potential child is a big deal. That and none of your business.

Also, see the reaction? How he stares at her in disbelief (and possibly even disgust, see the risen corner of his lips?). How he looks at her as if she were heartless, selfish, a monster – the picture often painted in this debate when it comes to women who decide to terminate a pregnancy. How he doesn’t respect her “no, thanks” and continues. Continues influencing her, later on even starts to mansplain his way into her stone cold heart. Okay, then let me continue as well.

“That he’ll f*ck up your life? […] Your son. Better to have your life f*cked up by your son than any of these sons of b*tches. Or me.” Call it ‘f*ck up’ or not – that is entirely her perception, her decision and I’d dare to say…she knows best.

First, because regardless of the fact that she is a woman and you are not – well it is indeed her life and, uhm, excuse me Denver, you’re no sibling, no friend, no acquaintance, quite the contrary, you have known her for what? Three minutes and already jump to conclusions?

Take the privilege of explaining her how a child would f*ck or not f*ck up her life?!!

Secondly, what makes him assume the gender of this cluster of cells, this potential future life, this basis for a potential life that may later on develop into a life (it is not a walking talking baby boy already, my friend!).

Personhood begins after a fetus becomes “viable” (able to survive outside the womb) or after birth, not at conception.

Does it provide a smooth transition for that awfully funny and figurative “son” – “sons of b*tches” (org. Hijo – hijos de p*ta) line or is it literal propaganda?

Why does he say “your son”, although he cannot possibly know? I’ll tell you. In order to distract the audience from the fact that he is referring to a pea-sized basis for a potential life by painting the picture of an already existing male human being. Mónica, do you really want to murder your son? Mónica, does that cute little doe eyed baby boy really f*ck up your life? Yeah, propaganda at its best.

Also, another example for ridiculing the point “a child would destroy my life” by comparing an unwanted pregnancy to a literal robbery at gun point. Great one.

“This f*cks your life up. A kid doesn’t.” Do you see that raised gun, that is quite literally an extension of a raised index finger? Wow, the drama. On a different note, did you notice the symbolism? A weapon stands for death, murder and guess what is also often equated with murder.

“How do you know what f*cks up my life? What do you know?” Finally. Exactly. He doesn’t know her, like at all. He doesn’t know her situation and no, he’s also not the pregnant one or anyone who would have to worry about that.

What do you answer to that, hmm? Let’s make this whole dispute even more emotional and dramatic. That ‘a cute little son isn’t as bad as a robbery’ didn’t convince her?

Let’s try with an extraordinary f*cked up and tragic life story, nobody asked for. Its goal? Showing the oblivious, naive, little secretary what real ‘f*ck up’ means, despite the evident lack of any sort of knowledge when it comes to her life (story). Again, conclusion-jumping and wallowing in prejudice at its best.

Have a look at his expression while ‘lecturing’ her. How disrespectful, how belittling. ‘Oh please, what do you know about life?’. On a wider scale: ‘How could we possibly trust women to rationally and with a clear conscience decide such things for themselves – concerning life and death, if they have not the slightest idea, living in their bubble of security and stability and no real problems’ etc. This is everything but taking women and their reasoning abilities, their judgement seriously.

“My mother was going to ab*rt me.” Now the audience doesn’t only have the mental image of a potential cute little son, it is furthermore provided with the image of a living, breathing human being standing right in front of them. Just look at him and his pleading puppy dog eyes. No actual child actor could have done it better.

Thank god she did not go through with the ab*rtion, right? Oh thank god she was not allowed to.

Taking advantage of this frame to remind you of the fact that we are still talking about a POTENTIAL future life, not an existing one that is nevertheless put above the mother’s already existing life in this impudent, low and unfair debate.

“But first…she inhaled the heroin she had to sell to be able to pay for the ab*rtion. Then she was caught by the police. Between jail, drugs and the police, I was born. What do you know?”

1)Adding even more emotions, subtle accusations and drama to that oh so rational dispute? Check. Making his situation seem two thousand times worse than hers (which he, again, has no clue about)? Check. Subconsciously painting the picture of reckless, irresponsible drug addicts/ “lowlifes” or generally female members of “society’s margins” usually being the ones to abort and make it seem like the state’s or whoever’s responsibility to prevent them from deciding for themselves? Check.

2) Then he even tears her valid ‘what do you know (about my life)’ out of the initial context of being confronted with endless assumptions and prejudice and blows it way out of proportion in order to demonstrate the insignificance of … everything concerning her? Her background, her life, her reasons. Everything.

And FINALLY *drum rolls* the wild theories and hypotheses and presumptions she was dying to hear because since he, I repeat for the twelfth time, has no actual clue about her life, let’s make up one.

“Because it seems that you don’t have a very exciting job. And maybe outside of work your life is not that great either. Or what is it that you do? ‘Kilates’? And Friday night drinks, right? What a f*cking drag. Another plan ruined by the kid[…]” That and the entire following paragraph. Wow. All accusations thrown at women who decide to abort in one.

Because OF COURSE a middle aged, down to earth, intelligent, responsible woman like Mónica Gaztambide has no other reason for terminating a pregnancy than not being able to drink alcoholic beverages or party anymore. Because OF COURSE it is valid to assume a woman or any person for that matter one has known for half an hour and interacted with for literal five minutes has a boring enough life that would not be affected in any way by a pregnancy, birth and ultimately being forced to raise an unwanted child. Because OF COURSE Denver would know how much a pregnancy can affect somebody, especially one that is forced upon a person. Quite frankly he has no idea and no right. The audacity.

“Do [your friends who are also mothers] seem f*cked up? / Do their lives look f*cked up? No, right?” Because you know best. Not only regarding her life but on top of that also that of her friends. Because those pregnancies or motherhood in general did under no circumstances end a career or prevent them from pursuing one in the first place or cause the end of a relationship or force them to stay in a toxic or even abusive relationship or change their financial situation completely or rob them of their fragile financial independence and/or free time altogether or cause any (mental) health complications or … you get the point. Oh, and because their situations are completely identical to Mónica’s situation, that is additionally not half as dramatic as your life story. Of course, Denver.

Seeing the ‘rational’ argument doesn’t really work, let’s add yet another dramatic, emotional rhetorical question. As a precaution.

“Do you know how much a child can love you?”

How could she, being the heartless, cruel, selfish, irresponsible, ridiculous and impulsive murderess you’re ‘exposing’ her as?

⚠️ Another spoiler warning for seasons 3 and 4 and still 1.

Would Cincinnati - that’s her sons actual name, not alias – really love her like he does now?

Friendly reminder: his biological father (Arturo Román) let her know - right from the start - that he wouldn’t take on any responsibility whatsoever, regardless of his later statements about doing so. Why those statements don’t matter? Despite his awareness of her state, despite knowing she was pregnant he shortly after urges her on to steal the cellphone she is caught with right after the analysed scene, ready to risk her life and the potential life of his unborn child. Literally, because as soon as she is caught with it, Berlín orders Denver to execute her.

So to those of you who will now say “but- but Cincinnati is okay and has an amazing life and does love her” etc etc, first think certain things through. If Denver wouldn’t have spared her, if she didn’t just happen to get together with him and if the heist didn’t just happen to work out like that, what then?

Cincinnati would have a different name. What else? Well for one, he wouldn’t have a father (that is now Denver) like at all, resulting in possible daddy issues / issues in general. How I know Arturo, the biological father, wouldn’t be there for them, wouldn’t fulfill all his empty promises?

Did he canonically care about his son? Was he devastated that he was not given the possibility to see him or did he instead focus on that random book of his and his speeches about heroism and honour and so on? If he wouldn’t have called his wife by his mistress’s name and through that expose himself, if his family wouldn’t have left him all alone, don’t you think he would stick to them? Just to paint a picture of who the father is and how he behaves and what we can assume from that behaviour. So the probability was high she would’ve been left alone with I quote “all the love” and of course all the responsibility. It’s a thing, Denver.

Secondly, if she didn’t just happen to turn into a millionaire thanks to the heist working out, would she really be able to provide a life for Cincinnati? Would she really be able to remain financially independent? Would her life at her son’s side really be all peace and harmony if she wouldn’t just so happen to be able to live from heist money?

So many coincidences, so many risks and no security. Can we really blame her? Do we have the right?

With these questions I will end this seemingly endless post and leave you to think about it, reflect certain things and – if you want to – share your opinion(s) with me. Please don’t hesitate to do so, as long as those contain rational arguments and most importantly respect. Thank you for reading!

(Also: sorry for the extensive censoring, I had to, otherwise it wouldn’t appear in the tags.)

[mulderwantstobelieve]

I Don’t Want You To Go Home Tonight

I Don’t Want You To Go Home Tonight

“Mulder... why are we choosing to be alone?”

Rating: PG-13

Description: A Post-Ep for the flashbacks shown in Per Manum. Scully’s IVF treatment has failed and Mulder decides to stay with her that night to comfort her with wine and her favorite salad.

Author’s Note: Basically, this fic is my idea of what led up to their “First Time”. I love the idea of All Things being their first time, but this is my IDEAL first time story for them. I think it makes sense with the IVF story arc and with their characters. I imagine this happening somewhere between All Things and before Requiem (probably right before Requiem).

cover photo yoinked from @iddoitforfreebaabe

******

"Never give up on a miracle," Mulder told her, his forehead placed against her own. Scully sniffled as she felt some snot trying to escape her nose. She pulled him in to give him a tender kiss on the cheek and then into a hug.

Mulder's closeness made her feel she was at yet another crossroads in their partnership. Part of her, the one that felt insecure and afraid, could tell him "Go home, Mulder, I'll be fine."

She was tempted to retreat to her room and send him to worry about her somewhere else. Anywhere but in front of her. They could go back to work next week and move on from yet another traumatic event, travel to a new city or state, and they could carry on without letting each other in.

This loss, the impossibility of becoming a mother with her own flesh and blood, was making her soul the weight of a millstone. She had nothing left. Chasing monsters and fighting all the damn time wasn't keeping her alive anymore. It was making her feel old now. Hasn't it gone on long enough?

That part of her wanted him to stay, the part that felt too tired to keep going. That part of her wanted him to slow down and not leave her behind. She wanted him to stay.

Before she could speak her mind, Mulder broke the silence.

"I'm staying here for a while. To make sure you're going to be okay."

Despite the battle going on in her mind, she let him make the decision. Honestly, she was too tired and her brain was so overworked to even talk. She gave him a nod against his shoulder and pulled away to look at him.

Mulder became aware of how dry his mouth was as he felt a small pang of anxiety in his stomach. He felt the weight of the atmosphere, not just from grief of Scully's lost hope, but because he was at a crossroads of his own.

Earlier, he had sat on Scully's couch for what seemed like hours, his mind reeling with all of the choices to be made. He thoughts of two worlds: Scully is pregnant, Scully is not pregnant.

If Scully were to be pregnant, what would he do? How would he fit in to her life? They hadn’t exactly discussed that part of it. Would he be around to become crazy uncle Mulder, sharing tales of myths and Sasquatch and teaching the kid baseball? Or would he and Scully drift apart as she enters motherhood? Would he be present to watch a child grow up with her eyes and his smile, her hair and his nose, her stubbornness and his adventurous spirit... without feeling connected to them? Would he watch as their child goes through first days of school and college, one day getting married, and having children?

Would he remain on the outside as an observer, watching everything happen in montages while he goes home alone, chasing whatever the hell comes next?

But there was another option: he could be here. He could feel happy with her. He could hold her when she feels sick or insecure. He could tell her he loves her. He could hold his child in his arms.

He could be a father.

These thoughts would have scared him a few years ago, but things have changed. And even if Scully were to come home with the news that they weren't having a child, they couldn't go back to their comfortable invulnerability anymore. Not after this.

Mulder pondered these thoughts again as he and Scully stood there for another minute, his arms still wrapped around her waist. He hoped he was comforting her despite the depressing results. Though they both knew there was a high chance the IVF wouldn’t work and Scully becoming pregnant was nearly impossible, it was hard to accept that believing wasn't enough this time.

"I'm going to take a shower, I might be in there for a while. I need to be alone," Scully said as she broke their embrace. He raised a hand to her cheek, but she stared at the wall behind him.

"I'll be here." She gave him a small smile in return and disappeared down the hall.

He decided to go pick up some food from a place down the street he knows she likes. They have these strawberry poppy seed salads that she'll even eat when lacking an appetite. He could at least try whatever he could to get her mind off of this.

He picked up some wine as well, hoping that it may dull her pain. He tried to think of all the topics he could bring up to get her mind off of it, knowing it wouldn't help much, but he could make a strong effort.

A short while after he returned with their dinner, Scully came out of the bathroom. She had taken the time to blow-dry her hair, which he took note of. She still had the energy to dry her hair, which isn't a bad thig but he was aware of the fact that restless working was how she coped, so he needed to be sure she relaxed tonight.

They watched a black and white TV movie that they didn't know the name of. It wasn't interesting, but it was distracting. Mulder and Scully ate their dinner on the couch in silence. He noticed Scully smiling after seeing what he ordered her which made something in his stomach feel warm. A full-tooth smile from her always made him smile back. When the first glass of wine was poured, it became easier to have a conversation.

"Thanks for being here," Scully said after a few moments of sipping her wine. She was facing the TV, cupping the glass against her chest.

"N-no problem," he said a little too quickly, happy she was wanting to talk now. "Actually my plans for the evening were a little boring." He said, facing her direction. He slung his arm over the back of the couch, his wrist hid in her hair.

"Oh yeah, what were they?" She smiled from the inside of her cup. She turned to face him now, her expression lifted.

"It's what I do every Friday night, Scully. Stay late at the office, get Chinese takeout, think about possibly doing my dishes but instead throwing a dart at a map and calling you to tell you we're going to wherever-the-hell, Oklahoma because there's gotta be some cryptic or source waiting for us there..."

Scully began to smile wide and a small chuckle escaped her lips when she realized he was joking.

"...then I take a shower and lay in bed, wondering about the mysteries of the universe. Is that not what you do?" He said, trying to hold back a laugh.

Scully replied with another big smile, "Wow, Mulder, that's exactly my same routine!"

"I thought so!" he grinned, looking at his lap. "Where are your darts, Scully? I'm a creature of habit."

She shot him a jokingly stern look and leaned towards the coffee table to pour herself another glass.

"Actually," she began, "my plans are more like: pick up groceries, clean the bathroom, wash my hair, then get into bed... sleeping soundly because I couldn't care less about Bigfoot or sentient plant life or demons trying to nibble my toes," She giggled and Mulder rolled his eyes.

"You don't have trouble sleeping, Scully? With everything that the universe could hold? You don't even wonder?" He urged.

She shrugged. "I guess I wonder more about stuff that's in my interest. So, less mythical sea creatures and more... real life. I couldn't sleep last night for obvious reasons." She took another swig of wine.

He nodded in understanding. "I guess I do the same thing," he replied.

"Yes, I know you meditate a lot about the Sasquatch, Mulder, but-" she laughed.

"No, no, not just that. Believe it or not, Scully, I am an actual living, breathing man," he laughed and she rolled her eyes. "I think about things that I want. I think about the future. I- I couldn't sleep last night either."

She looked at him, an unreadable expression on her face. "Why's that?"

He paused to form his words correctly and he felt his mouth go dry again.

"I just really wanted this to happen for you."

The lighthearted atmosphere became the familiar, heavy one they felt earlier in the day. They were both remembering what they were trying to escape tonight.

I’m sorry, Dana, but the results came back negative. You are not pregnant.

Scully could hear the words in her head. But she felt Mulder’s empathy, that he was feeling a similar pain. She realized that he lost something too; even if it was unspoken between them, she knew he saw it too. A future.

His words made her smile softly. She looked at him with a tenderness in her eyes he had only seen a handful of times. He saw it in her while she was fighting cancer, while she talked to Emily, while she was informing him of a death of a good friend, when his mother died... and now recently, through the IVF process, he had been seeing more often.

"We're still hoping, right?" He asked, giving her a tender smile.

Scully didn't answer with words. Instead, she set her wine glass on the coffee table and put her arms around him. Her head fell into his chest and they both breathed deeply.

Because of the awkward position of their legs, he decided to lean back and lay down, resting his head on a throw pillow. She accepted his gesture to lay down, remaining in the same position on his chest taking more deep breaths as she remembered the day allover again. He stroked some hair away from her face as his other arm was wrapped tightly around her.

They laid like that for a while, watching the old black and white movie which was full of music and dancing. He waited for her to speak, and if she didn't say anything, he wouldn't mind falling asleep here. Like this.

"Mulder?" Her groggy voice asked. She looked up at him and he hummed in response. "Have you ever felt like there's more? Not... in the universe. But more for you, in this life, in your life. Have you thought of having a family before? Not that it's for everybody."

He continued to gently stroke her hair and replied, "Of course I have, Scully."

Scully nodded in understanding. She didn't resent him for his freedom to start a family if he wanted to; She just wished he could see the joy of it.

There was a pause before Scully started, "At first, I wasn't sure if I wanted to have a family, but after years of traveling, seeing unimaginable things, going through some of the hardest situations of my life... I think at some point, I realized that what I really wanted was one of the most attainable things in the modern world. I can't explain it. Somehow it was the only thing that could be enough for me." She paused for a beat to look up at him. "Do you ever feel that way?"

Mulder met her eyes and rested his thumb on her cheek. He got lost in her gaze for a moment and replied, "I think I'm starting to."

He thought for a moment.

"I think after finding out what happened to my sister, I've started to see things differently. I've accepted the freedom given to me, but it feels emptier than I thought it would."

Finally, she felt a sense of unity between them. Like for the first time, they were on the same page.

Scully then propped herself up on his chest to meet his level and Mulder's arm remained wrapped tightly around her.

She evaluated their position: his arm gripping her waist, her hand on his chest, the smell of wine on his warm breath. This made her heart start thumping a little faster.

An actress in the movie they were watching started singing a song, a romantic song about moonlight and longing. The song seemed to engulf the room, and it was the only thing Scully could hear besides the blood in her ears.

He looked good tonight. Really good. The kitchen light made his features look warm and inviting. His eyes scanned her face, a soft smile appearing on his lips, and she knew she looked quite beautiful herself. She felt beautiful.

Scully then realized she had been staring a little too long without saying anything, and he gave her a subtle squeeze at her hip which reminded her he was actually there.

All this time, they've kept each other at a comfortable distance; seven long years of emotional cushion room, but closing the gap just enough to sneak longing looks and hold hands in the dark.

They could say it's their careers, or they're different people, or they have different desires. But mostly, and they both knew this, it was a shared fear of rejection - that being alone was better than searching for acceptance from someone other than themselves. And they could tell themselves it was enough for them, remaining people who keep each other at a comfortable distance, or they could give in and take a risk for something more.

Mulder swallowed and felt his heart begin to race. He couldn't believe how gorgeous she looked in low light, and he wanted nothing more than to pull her in closer. She was looking at him, almost a drunken haze in her eyes, except she'd only had a glass and a half. Her eyes were bluer than he's ever seen them, and her hair had fallen to frame her face beautifully. Everything was adding onto the emotions clouding his brain - her chest breathing against him, his thumb stroking a bit of bare skin at her hip, their stolen glances at each other's lips...

"Mulder..." she began, her voice hushed and her eyes scanning his face. "...Why are we choosing to be alone?"

Mulder processed her question for a moment. He was tucking some hair behind her ear when he noticed her cheeks were red. He wasn't sure if she was flushed from the wine, or if she was nervous to ask her question. He left his hand resting on her jaw.

If his mouth was dry before, it was a desert now. He was trying to read her face, to predict what would happen next, but only his answer would determine that. He could swear she was inching closer towards him, but it may just be the gravitational pull he felt tugging him to her.

"Are you saying... we have a choice?" He asked quietly, not-so-discreetly staring at her lips now.

She was looking at him in a way that made him dizzy. He couldn't tell if the buzz was from the glass of wine he drank or the way she was making him feel. She, too, seemed to be transfixed on his mouth now.

Scully nodded yes.

He had to remind himself to breathe.

"I-uh-.." He started to form a reply when Scully leaned in closer, not breaking her gaze from his lips. She hovered there, waiting for him to respond.

"Scully.." he said, his breath brushing her lips.

She was too hesitant of her actions, so Mulder reassured her by responding quickly. He pulled her in with the hand that was cupping her cheek, finally placing his lips onto hers. It suddenly felt like a curse broke inside both of them and each one of their fears were fleeing with every second. This kiss wasn't like they had shared for a brief moment at New Year's, this one was urgent and freeing.

His hands wove themselves in her hair, while hers clung to the nape of his neck. Their lips moved at a steady pace, only breaking away to change angles.  The hand that gripped her waist was now trailing up and down her back, catching some bare skin every now and then as her shirt rode up. They couldn't count the seconds, or the minutes, or tell how long the movie had been over since this kiss had started, but Mulder knew he didn't want it to end.

Without breaking their kiss, Scully lifted herself up and put her legs on either side of him, now straddling his waist. It gave him a bit of sobriety as to where things were heading for them tonight, so he slowly broke away. Both of his thumbs were stroking her cheeks now, him and Scully breathing heavy against each other. She was looking at him in a way he had never seen and that made his stomach stir with excitement.

"Scully, I'm-"

"I don't want you to go home tonight," she interjected firmly.

He nodded in understanding, and smiled to tell her that's what he wanted too.

***

Moonlight peered in, leaving bright lines across both of their bodies. The room was still and quiet as they laid there together, Scully softly playing with Mulder's fingers. He held her from behind, and she fit perfectly into his embrace.

"I'm glad I stayed," he hummed softly into her ear. It made her shiver a little bit.

“I’m sorry I ruined your Friday night plans,” She joked.  

“Good one.” He kissed her shoulder gently and breathed her in.

"What's work gonna be like on Monday?" She asked.

"Scully..." He groaned.

"I'm just asking, Mulder," she exclaimed, her voice sounding defensive. "We need to discuss things so they won't become problems later."

"It's going be like working, Scully, but now we have this cool secret that everyone already assumes of us anyway," he said, a touch of sarcasm in his tone. "Don't worry. Just sleep."

His arms felt warm on her belly, which in turn made her feel safe. Mulder smiled as he held her even closer.