#Where my greek myth save comes in is the fact that I fucked up while getting Leto pregnant and came back to her having one singular infant-

[bugwolfsstuff]

I can't wait to do all the silly plots i have for the Demigods get social media fic

Like I still have to do:

Harley doxxes Clarisse's mom and gets: demigod famous, his account banned, Leo fired from the Demitok team and accidentally starts a demigod riot against Nyssa

the Drew, Lacy and Connor sims 4 saga (this one is based off my own greek myth save)

the Grover and Percy ≠ Dionysus x Ampelos post

Percy x Hermes (the Hercules movie version, look at the design and guess why)

The great school escape and Camp Badboys (and girls and theys), coined by Leo

Litterally when the gods show up

When Chiron and the Romans finally get clued in and get an account

and user Concerned citizen as a whole

litterally the Hamilton incident is barely scratching the surface here

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

Suspend Your Disbelief. Seriously.

One thing I've taught myself when it comes to interpreting literature, no matter what it is or where it comes from, is when something is left unsaid, I assume the best-case scenario.

An example: Greek Mythology.

Greek Mythology is notorious for having very...disturbing things happen. And yeah, it happens to even your favorites.

But something that ticks me off (on this website in particular) is exaggerating a myth.

I think Apollo is a very good example of this. I have heard "Apollo raped [insert name here]!" so many times, but you know what? They never back it up with actual sources! Just heresy!

Daphne? He never even touched her. Chased her? Yes, but people also tend to disregard Eros's own involvement in that matter. (i made a post about it and other things)

Castalia? Same as Daphne. also was a very late addition by the Romans and is not Greek

Cassandra? This is literally a case of a woman being given autonomy! If Apollo was literally any other god, she would have been raped - but he didn't! Curse her? Yes and there's a lot more to unpack here but that's another post but he never assaulted her! "But she was coerced-" NO SHE WAS NOT. AS A MATTER OF FACT SHE LOVED HIM. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT CASSANDRA LOVED APOLLO. PROOF IN THE TROJAN WOMEN:

Farewell, ye garlands of that god most dear to me! farewell, ye mystic symbols! I here resign your feasts, my joy in days gone by. Go, I tear ye from my body, that, while yet mine honour is intact, I may give them to the rushing winds to waft to thee, my prince of prophecy

also this is after the curse situation. so. they have NUANCES! and i like that. euripides be giving us NUANCES and i SALUTE him GIVE ME THE NUANCES PLEASE

I could go on and on. But one myth is a very good example of this "assume the best happened" vs "assume the worst happened" mindset.

Bolina. She was a mortal who Apollo fell in love with, but she threw herself off a cliff. Apollo turned her immortal to save her life, and that's the end of the story.

Yet I have heard people use Bolina's myth as "proof" that Apollo's a rapist.

First of all, I have a whole post basically debunking this notion, but also, where does it say. at any point. that Apollo raped Bolina?

(screenshot from Theoi.com)

Where.

That's right. Nowhere.

Sure, I guess you could assume it was done after Apollo turned Bolina immortal, but honestly, in my opinion, that's just grasping at straws. That's looking for something to complain about.

What I've learned is to assume the best happens. And guess what? That makes me enjoy mythology more! Suspend your disbelief! Not that difficult! Just because these myths are from ancient times doesn't mean terrible things happened all the time!

And I say this as an enjoyer of Mythology. This is not my religion, or my culture, but I am an avid enjoyer (particularly of Apollo's myths, hence why I used him as an example) and I do get irritated when these myths are twisted around in someone's quest to "prove" that a certain god usually Apollo is The Worst.

and it's kinda funny how people are determined to make Apollo this terrible, misogynistic asshole when...he's not. Then turn around and call the goddesses feminist girlbosses when they have also done fuck-up shit to other women.

Suspend the disbelief. You'll be happier.

[solena2]

So.

Tommy isn’t Theseus. Every time I see Techno’s analogy about Tommy being Theseus brought up I’m filled with endless rage and I’ve DECIDED!

That it’s about time I explained just why it’s so objectively incorrect.

-

First: a bit of backstory on Theseus, because I doubt many of you actually know much about him beyond what Techno said in his “so you want to be a hero” speech, which left out a lot of relevant details.

Theseus was a demigod with two fathers and one mother. His fathers were king Aegeus of Athens and the sea god Poseidon, and his mother was Aethra, Aegeus’ wife. Aethra raised Theseus on her own, far from Athens to avoid him being assassinated.

Aegeus left him nothing but a sword with the Athenian crest and a pair of sandals, buried under a rock so no one else could get them.

When Theseus came of age, he took the sword and sandals and headed up to Athens, slaying various monsters along the way. (It pains me to abbreviate it that much, but Techno left out everything before the Minotaur so it won’t help me much in debunking his analogy.)

Once he got to Athens, he met up with his dad, chased out his stepmom Medea, (yes, that Medea) and killed some people. Then comes the relevant part.

Crete had won a war against Athens a while back, and because of this, every seven years Athens was forced to send 14 tributes to be killed by the Minotaur. (Yes, this inspired the Hunger Games)

Theseus decided he’d volunteer and kill the Minotaur, thus ending the tribute system for good and getting one over on Athens. He promised his dad that if he won, he’d come back in a ship with white sails, as opposed to the standard mourning black that signified the death of the tributes.

So he went to Crete, met king Minos and his daughters Ariadne and Phaedra, and got sent into the labyrinth. Ariadne gave him a magic ball of string that kept him from getting lost, allowing him to find the Minotaur and then safely get out afterwards, providing he could kill it.

He killed it, led his other 13 tributes out, and sailed back home. On the way, Athena told him to leave Ariadne stranded on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean, so he immediately did so, because Theseus was an asshole.

He got home, his dad committed suicide because Theseus forgot the white sails and his dad assumed he’d died, Theseus became king and married Phaedra, and then the fun began, because again, Theseus was an asshole.

First, he cheated on Phaedra with Hippolyta, queen of the Amazons, so she left and took the kids. Next, he and his other asshole friend Pirithous decided to kidnap themselves some new wives. Theseus decided on Helen of Troy, who was a child at the time, and Pirithous decided on Persephone, which resulted in both him and Theseus getting stuck in the Underworld for a while due to pissing off Hades.

Once he got back up, he killed his son for fucking his wife, which is messed up on many levels, and then left Athens because his people were rightfully not super okay with that.

Then he goes and meets Lycomedes, who throws him off a cliff.

-

Next, let’s talk about Techno’s speech a bit.

He starts off by accusing Tommy of being a power hungry dictator (paraphrased), before asking him if he wants to be a hero.

Then, he provides what is apparently the archetypal example of heroism, something often associated with selflessness, kindness, and generally giving at least one singular solitary fuck about other people.

Theseus! Heroic hero who does heroic things, like, uhhh *checks notes* cheating on his wife, kidnapping children with plans to forcefully marry them, leaving people alone on tiny islands with no supplies, killing his kid, etc. etc...

So we’re off to a great start.

Then, he gives a short summary of Theseus’ life and times! He skips the first part of his life completely, which is hilarious to me because it’s the only time Theseus ever did anything actually heroic or selfless, and gets straight to the meat!

“Let me tell you a story, Tommy. A story of a man called Theseus. His country was in danger, he sent himself forward! Into enemy lines. He slayed the Minotaur! And saved his city. You know what they did to him, Tommy? They exiled him. He died in disgrace, despised by his people. That’s what happens to heroes, Tommy.”

-Technoblade

So first off, he doesn’t mention... really anything other than the Minotaur and the exile, which is leaving out a lot of relevant details, like why Theseus was exiled. (You know, killing his son in cold blood?)

Second, he doesn’t give details in general. Not that he should’ve given a full telling, or anything, but I’m always surprised by the shortness of this speech when I go back and listen to it. He pretty much just gives the barest bones of an argument and expects his audience to take it at face value. (Which they do, but it’s still bad practice)

From the more accurate (if still brief) summary if Theseus’ life I’ve just given, I’m sure you can see why this might be more than a bit dubious, as an analogy. Given cc!Technoblade is literally an English major, and doubtless knows significantly more about the myth than I do, I’d imagine this was never intended to be taken at face value.

Over and over again, c!Techno proves himself to be an unreliable narrator, and over and over again, the fandom at large takes his word as gospel.

-

Now, as far as a more in depth argument for Tommy as Theseus goes, I will attempt to debunk that as well, because there are some genuinely good points to be made.

First of all, most people make Dream out to be the Minotaur. Given the time this speech was made, I imagine Schlatt was the intended target of that, but with latter events in mind, Dream does make much more sense.

I’d say this is honestly pretty fair, but I don’t think Tommy takes the role of Theseus in that narrative. I’d argue he’s much more analogous to the role of Ariadne, giving the tools required to defeat Dream but ultimately not doing so through his own power, but because someone chose to take those tools and make use of them. This also provides the very interesting characterization of Punz as Theseus, which is an incredibly unique take that I hope some a Punz enthusiast does something with, because I don’t know enough about his lore to make a good analysis on that.

The idea of Schlatt as the Minotaur, as was probably intended by Techno at the time, makes much more sense, though I still think other characters fit the role better. Firstly, Schlatt wasn’t killed, he died of a heart attack, and if someone had killed him I think it’s more likely to have been Wilbur or Techno who did it than Tommy, as Tommy was still very hopeful and idealistic at the time, at least compared to his character now. You could posit Tommy as Ariadne again in this situation, given he was the one to mastermind the final charge, and though I think Tommy as Ariadne is an idea that’s worth further exploration, I’d say Fundy futs the Ariadne role here much better, with him giving the spy’s diary before being effectively shunned and left out in the cold by both Pogtopia and Manburg, much like Ariadne was abandoned in the original myth.

I’d posit the Theseus in this scenario as Techno, Wilbur, or possibly Philza, as they were the ones to actually kill things in the 16th, though Techno and Wilbur’s killings were more in the metaphorical sense, taking the second life of L’manburg.

As for the exile, Tommy exile was alike to that of Theseus only in concept. Both were sent from their kingdoms for a crime, resulting in a falling out with someone close to them, and had a precarious relationship with heights while they were gone, but that’s about where the similarities end and even then they’re superficial.

First of all, Tommy’s exile was far more because Dream was looking for an excuse to do it than because briefing actually means anything on the SMP, given how Dream had been griefing bases and blaming Tommy for it for a while before it went down. (Fun fact, Bad and Skeppy were going to burn one of his discs over this, but one of them got sick so they had to cancel the stream.)

Theseus’ exile, on the other hand, was entirely deserved, especially when you consider how serious a crime killing family was in Ancient Greek culture. It was pretty much the biggest no-no in existence, and I’m almost surprised he wasn’t just straight up executed for it.

Second, Tommy’s falling out with Tubbo was almost entirely due to outside forces, (Dream) rather than because anything Tommy had done. Though Tommy’s cavalierness towards the trial and attempts to threaten Dream with Spirit doubtless didn’t help things, Dream surrounding L’manburg in obsidian walls and threatening them to exile Tommy was entirely his own choice, and not something that can be pinned on Tommy, no matter what the apologists may say.

Meanwhile, Theseus’ falling out with Phaedra had begun long before his exile with him cheating on her. Him killing his son was merely the last in a long line of dominos to completely destroy their relationship.

Last, Tommy nearly killing himself is very different from Theseus being pushed off a cliff. Tommy’s near suicide was the direct result of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of c!Dream for what was canonically, I believe, several months? (Correct me if I’m wrong on that one.) Tommy almost jumping off a pillar because he was deliberately isolated from his support systems is nothing like Theseus being killed because he was a cocky asshole who thought he was god.

-

So that’s why I don’t think Tommy is anything like Theseus, and why I’m filled with endless rage by the completely uncritical acceptance of this parallel, but it’s not the whole reason it pisses me off.

It also pisses me off because, as stated earlier, cc!Techno is an English major. He knew what he was doing with this. The fandom’s insistence on refusing to acknowledge his character as an unreliable narrator is, in my opinion, acting as a massive kneecap to what could be a great analysis of how he thinks.

Specifically: why does c!Technoblade think Tommy is like Theseus?

Of all the Greek heroes to pick, why that one? Was it just the tantalizing opportunity to parallel Schlatt with a horned monster, or was it because c!Techno has some genuine in-character reason to think this myth specifically applies to Tommy.

Now, we all know people in the SMP have a habit of analogizing Wilbur and Tommy. The assumption Tommy wanted to be president, the belief that Tommy nominated Tubbo directly, the belief that he was intentionally deceiving Techno about Pogtopia’s intentions regarding Manburg... all of these stem from Wilbur. There are more cases of this, of course, but several analyses have been done in the subject already, and this is long enough without more padding.

So why does Techno think Tommy is Theseus? Well, it’s simple, isn’t it?

Wilbur is Theseus.

To be continued, because this is already too long and my brain hurts.

[c-is-for-circinate]

Ok, Hades gameplay reaction time!

(Because I have been terrible this quarantine year about posting thoughts about stories I've been invested in, and I'm really enjoying this game, and I'm playing basically blind and I have theories, and what is tumblr for if not recording those things to look back on later.)

I love this specific kind of fantasy/speculative fiction, that straddles the line between 'allegory clearly designed to explore a real-world issue' and 'the themes of this reflect real-world issues but also everything is times one million for drama and setting's sake'. I love it so much. Because, look, this is a story about a teenager/young adult trying to gather up the skills and resources and help he needs to escape his controlling, possessive, emotionally abusive father's house. That's it. Strip away all of the trappings, and that's what the story is about. By comparison, I think about Star Wars. (I love Star Wars too.) That's also a story about a dysfunctional fucked-up family dynamic. But that family is fucked up because dad went on a magic-corruption-induced killing spree, and his twin children were separated at birth to be raised in seclusion with the intention of someday taking him down, and look, that's cool, but it's definitely not how people actually are. All of the dysfunction in that family is an outgrowth of the fantastical setting, which means it is fantastical dysfunction. It can occasionally mirror or remind us of real-life interactions, but it's a fantasy. Which is great and fun to watch and very comforting and so on, but I don't necessarily want that in every story, and I love Hades because it is not that, at all. When you extend out the basic 'kid trying to escape his toxic home environment', Hades is the story of Zagreus trying to get out with the help of his dad's estranged, complicated, wealthy and powerful family, who are absolutely part of the reason why dad is Like That in the first place, and may not be any more reliable in the long run but who he needs right now. And his stepmom and teacher, who love him enough to help him leave, unconditionally and supportively (ask me how many feelings I have about 'look, Hades can't hurt me for helping you, don't worry about me, I am going to take care of you and that means helping you get out of this house' coming from an adult authority figure, ask me). And his dad's employees, who like him but also have to fear the old man's wrath, and walk that line in different places the best they can. And stepmom's long-estranged parent, because this is a story about families and how they split apart and come back together. And all of that is so real, so grounded in actual, concrete, this-is-how-humans-work family dynamics. But it's also individual. The story works so well because Hades isn't just a silhouette of the controlling asshole father; he is clearly The Way He Is for reasons, complicated ones, good and bad alike. The Way He Is has details, particularities, paperwork, a dog he pretends not to love and rely on. He is specific. Nyx and Achilles are specific, not just generic kind stepmom here to be a trope inversion and cardboard cutout teacher. Nyx has backstory and personality of her own, Achilles has a complex history, opinions, a missing lover, and they BOTH have very particular relationships with Hades that aren't just boilerplate script. Yes, there's abstraction there, you meet these characters in brief visual novel-esque three-line conversations over the course of dozens of escape runs, of course there's abstraction--but there's the very real sense that all of these people have nuance, have good and bad days, that they've made choices to be who they are, even if we don't know what those choices are yet. And, like Star Wars, some of the ways in which this story is so specific rely entirely on the fact of the otherworldly setting! I've seen stories that go the other way, that try to use their setting entirely as window dressing, and they end up feeling so flat I can't even remember them right now because they don't let the environment lend complexity and nuance to their characters at all. The environment these characters live in matters. The absolute control Hades exerts over his surroundings is a divine power. The fact that everyone Zag runs into, for or against him, is either immortal or immortally dead, changes how the react to

one another and to the situation at hand. The shape of his attempted escapes (gauntlet combat with a variety of legendary weapons) might be an allegorical construct of the genre, true, but it doesn't work in any sort of real-world setting where there exists the possibility of authority figures above or aside from Hades and his extended fucked-up family. That's part of why the family is so fucked-up in the first place. But these changes still fit well within the realm of, 'yeah, if you took this extremely real-life dynamic and added these factors to it, I can envision people doing this thing'. I can envision these specific people doing this thing. They add to the specificity of these characters. Letting them be influenced by their unreal surroundings makes them more real. So hell yes for good storytelling!!!!

I'm still relatively early in the game (by which I mean I'm like thirty runs in but only just got past Meg for the third time, because I am not good at this game, although in my defense it's only the seventh video game and second button-mashing game I have ever played in my life so there's that), but I'm starting to develop suspicions about Persephone. Because, look, outside of Persephone's absence from the underworld, this story knows its Greek mythology, uses it, revels in it. And there is some kind of mystery still shrouding Persephone leaving in the first place. She left a goodbye to Cerberus in her letter but not to her own son. Nyx has warned Zagreus multiple times not to let the Olympians know she's his mother. He literally never even knew she existed. That's complicated! Add to that, Persephone left--the exact thing we are trying and failing to do again and again and again. She left with one note, which means either she managed a one-shot speedrun out of the entire realm or she had some other way to leave, because if she'd washed up in the Styx pool to plod back to her room and try again, she wouldn't've needed to leave the note in the first place. And, you know, she's Persephone. Really quite famous for leaving the Underworld! Also quite famous for being forced back. So. I'm wondering if Zagreus, so conspicuously absent from her goodbye, has something to do with it after all. Six pomegranate seeds condemned Persephone to six months, half a year, half her life. I wonder if a child that's half of her her constitutes a fitting trade instead. Which, of course Hades would be even more resentful and dismissive and cruel to the kid he got in place of the wife he loved (who he chased away by being cold in the first place). Of course Persephone would have difficulty saying goodbye to her son in those circumstances. It would make sense. The tricky thing here is how the Olympians fit into it, because I also suspect the rift between Hades and Zeus sprang from Persephone's departure. And yet, if the Olympians never knew Zagreus existed, let alone that he's Persephone's son--how can he count as payment into the deal in their eyes? So in that case, what does Zeus think is the justification for Persephone leaving, after the pomegranate thing? Or are we just not doing the pomegranate thing at all? It would be a shame to lose it entirely, out of a story that really seems to enjoy the myths it's playing with. And there should be something complex here, something more than simply 'mom fucked off and left because dad sucked and now I'm following her because same'. It feels more complex than that. 'Mom and dad had a baby to try and save their marriage, it didn't work, but when mom left she had to leave me behind because otherwise dad would have gotten the cops and her extended family involved' feels more right, while still just as grounded in reality as the story has been so far.

I sort of want to write some meta about how each of the six legendary weapons corresponds to their original divine wielder, but I haven't unlocked all of their codex entries yet (look I am very bad with ranged weapons in this game ok, I am working on it), and I still need to think about the details. Aside from, of course, fuck yes of course Hestia's the one with the railgun. Leave drama and elegance and traditional weaponry to her brothers and sister (Demeter, who knows how to get her hands dirty, gets a pass). Hestia is out here to get shit done. With a grenade launcher.

[365days365movies]

March 15, 2021: Clash of the Titans (Review: Part One)

Please. Let me write a Greek mythology movie. I’m tired.

I am SO TIRED of Greek mythology being so...misused. Do y’all realize how much potential lies in an adaptation, a PROPER adaptation of Greek myths? Because it’d be fantastic if done well. Look, I’m not a writer, let alone a script or screenwriter, but I could write a better adaptation of Greek mythology, I swear I could.

Full warning, you might wanna skip this part. It’s gonna be...REALLY long. 

So, yeah, this “review” is getting broken up into two parts. The first part here is really just a rant/hypothetical Perseus film that Id make if I had any screenwriting ability. Yeah, it’s basically a fanfic, so feel free to, like, not. Check out the Review here. Read ahead at your own peril.

You might be saying, “OK, bet; how would you adapt the story of Perseus?” Fair question, metaphorical yet judgmental person; how would I do it, exactly? Well, I’d mostly do it straight, to be honest. But you need to make this a cinematic adaptation, right? SO story changed need to be made, I get that. And I think that needs to start with the gods.

First up, you need Zeus, if for no other reason than to father Perseus. I do like the fact that he’s a patron for Perseus throughout these movies, but I don’t like Zeus as a straight-up dad. That’s for various reasons, but I’ll get there. Perseus’ main patron, instead, should be his half-sister: Athena.

Seriously, Athena needs to be a big part of this movie. She’s not exactly one of the biggest patrons for heroes, but she does like them. In the case of Perseus, she should sympathize with him. Perseus, after all, is one of the first major Greek heroes. Yeah, he really should be one of the first, and that needs to be fully acknowledged. Athena, in her LITERAL INFINITE WISDOM, should see the young demigod for what he could become: a bonafide hero. And so, she needs to be a part of this movie. One of her key allies should be...

Hermes should be, well, mercurial. Always moving, never truly still, because dude is CONSTANTLY busy. Not only is he a messenger, but he’s also the god of medicine, AND a psychopomp that escorts spirits to the underworld. Yeah, he wears a lot of winged hats. He’s also another extramarital child of Zeus, giving him sympathy for Perseus as well.

While he’s mostly a neutral god, he could also serve as a messenger from Athena to Perseus, delivering to him the gifts from the gods. He could even be the one who gets the Helm of Darkness from Hades, given his relationship to death and the Underworld. So, he’s gotta be in there as an ally of Athena. Hell, he could even be the one who finds Perseus and tells Athena about him in the first place. OK, Athena and Perseus now have an ally, so what about a villain?

Well, this movie had Calibos and technically Thetis, the 2010 had fuckin’ Hades (because of course they did), but no. Both are the wrong choice. The right choice here, in my humble opinion, is one that MAKES FUCKING SENSE.

Hot take: POSEIDON IS AN ASSHOLE. I realize that this statement has doomed me to a death at sea, but that won’t stop me from hiding the truth. Yeah, dude’s the god of the ocean, and of horses, but he’s also the father of countless monsters, nearly as horny as his younger brother Zeus, and the god of earthquakes. He’s a petty, tempestuous god, as angry and ever-changing as the ocean that he rules. And he’s ABSOLUTELY the right choice for a villain of a Perseus movie.

The movie would begin in the ocean, the source of all of the troubles in this movie. 20 years before the main events of the film, we emerge from the ocean and soar over an island, on which is a beautiful temple. Waves wash over the island, enveloping it. A woman’s scream is heard in the background, as we soar over the island, following an owl that is flying away from the island. As we fly over the ocean, narration tells us that this is a world of gods and monsters, and the owl flies over creatures in the ocean, like hippocampi and other such creatures. The owl flies over another island, which on screen text identifies as Argos. Here, a shower of gold dust flies up from a building. Perseus has just been conceived.

Cut to a day not too far afterwards, where King Acrisius is meeting with an unseen trio of women, in a cave on a mountainside. The king tells them that his daughter, Danae, has become pregnant, although he knows not by whom. The women reveal that Zeus is her lover, and that this will bring great ruin onto the kingdom of Argos, especially onto Acrisius himself. This is a big problem, too, as the kingdom of Argos worships Poseidon as their patron god. Acrisius, see, was planning on saving Danae for Poseidon, as a perverse offering to the god. But Zeus beat him to the punch, which has made Poseidon angry. And so, Acrisius sacrifices his daughter to Poseidon...by putting her in a box, which he casts out to sea.

Poseidon is about to destroy the box and Danae, who is still pregnant with her child. However, Zeus won’t have it, and in a battle between the two gods, a storm with golden lightning rages over the sea, and sweeps the box away, to the safety of an island where it washes up on shore, AWAY from Poseidon’s wrath. Zeus’ protection saves Danae, who has given birth to a son: Perseus. Poseidon, spurned of his revenge against his brother, makes a child of his own. But we only see its shadow beneath the waves. He’ll come back later.

Time passes, and a few things happen. The kingdom of Argos falls, and Acrisius is brought to ruin, as the mysterious prophetesses predicted. They are starved of fish, and the king is blamed, for condemning his daughter to death. He is driven into exile, and Argos is destroyed...by Poseidon’s mysterious child, who is only known by the name Cetus. The city still exists afterward, so that Perseus has a place to return to, but it’s wrecked.

Meanwhile, Perseus grows up, into a young man. He’s not particularly strapping, but he’s still surprisingly strong and hardy for his size. All the while, he’s watched over by a little owl, the same one we saw in the beginning of the film, flying over the ocean. Appearing below the owl is a rooster, which flies up next to the owl. Both of them watch the young Perseus, then look up when they hear the screech of a golden eagle, flying high in the sky above them. They look at each other, as the eagle flies up to the tip of a nearby mountain. The owl and rooster fly off, with the rooster flying higher than a rooster should be able to fly.

We follow them as they pass through the clouds, and they turn into their true forms: Athena and Hermes. They watch the golden eagle fly into a separate grand temple, as thunder and lightning appear. We’re not gonna see Zeus until nearly the end of this movie. Athena and Hermes discuss Perseus in Athena’s temple on Olympus. Hermes is a bit busy, so he’s off in a hurry, but Athena sits and ponders Perseus’ situation.

Perseus, meanwhile, has a different problem: surviving. Poseidon’s been particularly dickish lately, and the fish stock around Perseus’ island is low as FUCK. His mother, meanwhile, is older now, and struggling with her health. An old hermit walks into the village one day, and hears Perseus’ troubles. The hermit tells Perseus that the fish market is good near the nearby kingdom of Aethiopia, which includes a large and prosperous city that may also have medicine to help his ailing mother. Perseus decides to go on the journey there. As he leaves the hermit, we see the hermit’s eye color change to a sparkling electric blue.

Perseus heads onto the seas, with a fishing boat leaving for Aethiopia. The second that boat hits the water, Poseidon senses the blood of Zeus on his ocean. Being the petty asshole he is, he sees his chance to finally exact revenge on Zeus for stealing Danae from him. He sends his child, Cetus, after the ship to sink it. We don’t see the  Cetus brings rough water with it. However, Zeus again protects the ship on its journey, and Poseidon’s SUPER butthurt now. He watches Perseus make his way to Aethiopia.

Aethiopia, in this movie, is a city that doesn’t particularly worship any one god. It’s not exactly the least theistic place in the world, though, because its residents will still fear any action that the gods take against them. That’ll come in handy later. Perseus lands there with the boat, and is immediately overwhelmed by the city’s grandeur. Additionally, he stands out here, as the people there are mostly, surprise surprise, black and brown in skin color. BECAUSE IT’S NORTHERN AFRICA!!! YEAH! Andromeda COULD BE BLACK, FUN GODDAMN FACT. Aethiopia was used to describe southern kingdoms below Libya, which was northern Africa! Come on, man!

While wandering blind through the city, Perseus bumps into a young woman, shrouded in plain vestments as she walks through the village. And it’s immediately love at first sight for Perseus, although the young woman seems somewhat nonplussed. This is the beautiful and radiant Andromeda, and YEAH! I’M RIPPING OFF ALADDIN A LITTLE! SUE MEI! See, Andromeda’s trying to explore her kingdom, as she’s been somewhat sheltered throughout her life, protected in the castle by father King Cepheus and shallow mother Queen Cassiopeia.

The two part quickly, but her visage remains in Perseus’ mind, horny Zeus’ kid that he is. He finds out who she is later on, considering what’s about to happen. See, there’s a festival going on, and it’s actually leading up to Andromeda’s 20th birthday. The overly clingy Cepheus honors his daughter unnecessarily, setting up an entire 2-week celebration leading up to her birthday.

During the nightly celebration, which Perseus attends, there’s a great feast. He bumps into Andromeda once again, and the two start talking. Andromeda is kind, if naïve, and wants to be a good queen to her people. However, she feels like a trophy, set aside for any given suitor wanting to win her heart. Perseus sympathizes, and feels a bit guilty, as her beauty was what struck him most at first, but has now begun to appreciate her as a person, over the course of this conversation. Said conversation is watched by Athene, in owl form once again.

The conversation’s interrupted by Queen Cassiopeia, who makes a speech about her daughter, and you know what’s coming here. She says that her daughter is beautiful, moreso than any of the Nereids, or anything that the sea could produce. And everybody laughs, it’s real funny, people agree...and then, we zoom over to a nearby fountain. The water begins to shake, and then, the ground itself begins to shake! Because Poseidon is the GOD OF EARTHQUAKES. COME ON, USE THIS SHIT!

Poseidon, pissed off, manifests from the water of the fountain, and we now see his visage in full for the first time, and it needs to be IMPOSING. He looks at the queen, and at Andromeda herself. He says that for Cassiopeia’s hubris, they are to be punished. Her child will meet one of his, the great Cetus, and then they’ll be able to compare “prowess and beauty”. This is certain death for Andromeda, obviously, and everybody knows it. This is to be done on her 20th birthday, or all of Aethiopia will fall. It’s then that Perseus steps in to defend Andromeda.

Poseidon looks at him, and says something like: “And look! As if to perfect this offering, Zeus’ bastard steps in the save the day! Well, child, do you offer yourself to me, after evading my justice for so long?” Everybody, INCLUDING PERSEUS, if totally shaken by this revelation. See, Perseus had NO IDEA that he was the child of Zeus. But he swallows his surprise, and offers himself in Andromeda’s stead. As Poseidon’s about to kill him there and then, he hears a hoot from the rafters, and sees the visage of Athena overlapping the little owl. Not comfortable with this situation, he offers a deal: if Perseus can complete a task for him, he will spare Andromeda’s life. Perseus accepts IMMEDIATELY, without hearing the task. And that task?

Kill the Gorgon Medusa, and bring her head back to Aethiopia before Andromeda is sacrificed.

Yeah, not good, and definitely unfair. Perseus isn’t exactly a warrior of any prowess, so this won’t end well for him. Poseidon laughs, and disappears into the water of the fountain. Silence befalls the hall, and all eyes turn to Perseus. Athena leaves, and flies up to her temple, angry and frustrated. She then decides that, if Poseidon is going to meddle in the affairs of the mortal world so strongly, then she will do the same. She finds Hermes, and the two start to conspire.

The next morning, Perseus heads out on the journey, although he has no idea what to do. Andromeda begs him not to do it, but he says he has little to lose. King Cepheus, humbled by Perseus’ intentions, promises whatever Perseus wants if he succeeds. Perseus states that he wants little, but will take assistance for his mother and village. It’s done. And Andromeda, to the surprise of her mother, almost offers her hand in marriage to her as well. But she stops short, still hesitant.

Perseus is about to go the distance, when a little owl catches his eye. Something tells him to follow the owl, and he does. Athena reveals herself, and Perseus is struck, not knowing what to do. She tells him to find the Greae, as they will tell him how to get to Medusa. He asks how he will get there, and Athena gives him his first divine item: Hermes’ winged sandals, loaned to him by the messenger god himself. The sandals will guide him to the location of the sisters. And Perseus accepts.

He makes his way to the sisters, the shenanigans with the eye stay about the same (it’s pretty solid in the 1981 film, not gonna lie), and from there, he finds out where to go. In the meantime, Athena’s and Perseus’ deeds are being noticed by the gods, eventually making their way to the three brothers. Poseidon is, of course, enraged at these happenings, considering them dishonorable to him, and also incensed as this is coming from Athena, a long-standing rival of his. Hades seems neutral about it. And Zeus...we’ll come back to him. Hermes, joined by Dionysus, speaks with Athena in Olympus, and delivers something to her to give to Perseus: Hades’ Helm of Darkness. He’s curiously chosen a side, but why isn’t known even to Hermes. Will that reason ever be revealed?

I have my reasons. Dionysus, also inspired by Perseus’ origins (which mirror his own as well), gives to Athena a wine-colored cloak, impervious to harm from all poisons and corrosive items. Inspired by this, Athena thinks on her history with Medusa. And, uh...remember that scream from the beginning? Yeah, Medusa’s “birth” coincides with Perseus’ conception. While Poseidon was...busy...Zeus went for Danae behind his back. And we’re going to sanitize Medusa’s origin...a little. But for Athena’s sake, specifically.

Poseidon raped Medusa. That’s a given. And Medusa was a priestess of Athena, but not a great one. Although Athena was angered at Poseidon’s actions GREATLY, the one who inevitably suffered for it was Medusa. Poisoned by Poseidon’s actions, she was transformed into her current form. And in this case, it’s not made clear whether or not Athena directly caused it...but it’s clear that Athena did nothing to stop it. This can be changed in some ways, but this is how I’m changing it for the movie. If you disagree, entirely understandable, I’m open to suggestions here.

OK, after that flashback, we see that Athena’s kind of ashamed of her actions, but not entirely. I realize that this is a stretch for Athena’s character, but this is a movie for wider audiences, so we’ll go for it. There’s a reason, I promise. Athena delivers the gifts to Perseus, which he finds once he’s left the cave of the Greae. That’s the cloak from Dionysus, the Helm of Darkness from Hades, and Athena’s offering, a mirrored shield. Perseus heads out to slay Medusa.

Poseidon, meanwhile, has his own ideas. He goes to speak with Hera, a shadow antagonist who’ll get her day later on. He persuades her to help take care of Zeus’ bastard son, and she reluctantly gives him permission to use one of her creations. What this is is left a mystery for the time being, but not for long. Perseus is busy flying with the winged sandals, and is thinking on how easy the journey has been. He’s getting a little cocky, in other words. But that’s quickly stopped when he’s blind-sided by something hitting him in the sky. He’s sent flying, and when he focuses up again, he sees what’s hit him.

YUP. HARPIES. Now, at this point, you may be saying: “365, you hypocrite! That never happened in the original story of Perseus! You sonuvabitch!” To that I say:

This is supposed to be a movie, and it’s gotta be a little exciting.

The origin of the harpies is entirely unstated, and Hera loved her some birds, so it makes sense that she would have some. In fact, I kind of want to make them women that Hera punished with this form, possibly for their association with Zeus at some point.

I’m setting something up, just trust me here.

Harpies as a concept are a familiar enemy to most audiences.

They’re cool, and an aerial battle’s even cooler here.

Perseus needs some mortal peril, because of something that’s about to happen.

OK. With that, the Harpies attack Perseus, and Perseus realizes that he doesn’t have a weapon to fight them with. He’s forced aground, on a seemingly desrted island. The Harpies fly off for now, ready to pick Perseus off later. Perseus, now stuck on the island, wanders around. At the same time, Zeus, sees this, and turns into an eagle once again. He flies off to a volcano, as an irritated Hera looks on. At the volcano, he flies into a cave, lined with veins of many metals. This is Hephaestus’ forge.

Hephaestus is another of those gods that I feel like never gets his day in court. There are many reasons for that, to be fair, but I’d like him to have a role in this story. He’s a relatively neutral god, mostly caring about his work at the anvil, moreso than anything else. I also like the idea of having him almost be a running joke in his scenes, in that he always comes up with devices far beyond their time. Like, at a certain point, he offers something for Zeus to give to Perseus, which he calls a “thunderblast”. And it’s a fucking CANNON, YEARS ahead of its time. You also see sketches for smaller versions, which are just straight up guns. But, y’know, eus will refuse that.

Speaking of that, THIS is the first time that we’ll see Zeus’ true face, lit by the light of the forge. And there are a few reasons for this, one of which being that Zeus’ casting should be a big name, and a surprise in marketing. But other than that, Zeus’ really shouldn’t have too much import in the story, outside of Perseus’ creation. However, looking at Hephaestus, who is himself a cast-out and neglected offspring of the gods, Zeus actually manages to eke out a little guilt for his actions for one. He asks Hephaestus to make something for him and Perseus. Hephaestus is hesitant, but agrees upon hearing about Perseus’ origins, because Hephaestus is ALSO HIS HALF-BROTHER...in this movie. Hephaestus’ origin has changed in different tellings, but I want him to be Zeus’ kid. So, yeah, Hephaestus agrees to make something...simple.

Perseus is on the island. There, he’s being watched by YET ANOTHER mysterious figure. Because, yeah, that’s how these people should work. See, there’s another benefactor for him that I want to bring in for various reasons. This island appears to have been inhabited at some point, but was abandoned for unknown reasons. Perseus wanders around, and stumbles upon a ruined Great Hall, open to the sky. He wanders in, nervously. But then, to his surprise, he sees a great feast before him, as a fire roars in the hearth at the end of the hall. He looks at the fire for a moment, and sees a woman tending it. But as the fire bursts, it produces a flash of light, and the woman is gone. Who was she, though?

The LEAST used and talked about goddess in all of pop culture. An unofficial/occasional Olympian, and far less popular than Dionysus, who usually takes her seat. I actually want her to have given Dionysus her seat, as she will be wandering the world, bestowing blessings on the households of those worthy mortals who honor her. To Perseus, she gives this gift, and this hall with maintain this gift in the future. This goddess is Hestia, Goddess of the Hearth and Home.

AND YES I AM AWARE OF HESTIA IN THE ANIME DANMACHA. Doesn’t goddamn count, because that obviously isn’t Hestia. The Greek goddess deserves some respect, as she’s literally the oldest of all of them, and was VERY respected in Greek culture, by LITERALLY EVERYBODY. So, yeah, Hestia’s going to appear here, ever so briefly.

The other reason for this is...well, the Harpies show up, as Perseus eats. They perch on the roof of the Great Hall, and watch him eat. He notices them, and as he reacts, they come down to take the food and attack him. Perseus realizes that the food has revitalized his weary body, and he runs. However, the Harpies prevent egress, and he still has no weapon. Until...

Thunder clashes, and lightning strikes in the middle of the Great Hall! The fire goes out, but light is coming from something in the center of the table, as Perseus and the Harpies look on. With the lightning bolt, there traveled a harpe, a type of sword, which is embedded in the table. But this is no ordinary sword, as it chines silver, almost blue in hue, as electricity arcs off of it. This is a divine sword, forged by Hephaestus on the order of Zeus himself.

But the sword is nameless...for now. Perseus uses the flashes of the sword to fend off the harpies. When one of them lunges at him, he quickly moves in response to it, and strikes it just, slicing off a wing. The other Harpies fly away in fear, but not too far. Perseus takes the opportunity, and leaves the great Hall, maybe grabbing some food on the way. Now armed, he has a way to kill Medusa, and to take her head. He heads to the island, with new purpose.

Meanwhile, in Aethiopia, the people are starting to panic. Remember when I said the city wasn’t particularly religious before? WELL THEY ARE NOW, since they’ve realized that they’ve profaned Poseidon with their arrogance. The vain Cassiopeia is now terrified, for herself rather than for her daughter. Cepheus is terrified for Andromeda, and Andromeda...well, Andromeda is putting hope in Perseus, but she is also prepared to sacrifice herself if necessary. But deep down, she doesn’t believe it will be, because she oddly believes in Perseus.

However, Cepheus won’t be able to hold off the hordes forever, It’s been nearly a week, and Andromeda is to be sacrificed soon. And if Cepheus won’t do it, the newly religious Cassiopeia and the crowd will.

Poseidon realizes that his plan with Hera’s Harpies didn’t work...perfectly. Damn, he’s still alive. Plus, the Harpies won’t get off of the island now, especially seeing that food seems to be magically appearing every night, due to Hestia’s gift. Maybe and island with magically appearing food beset by Harpies will, I dunno...come backcoughcogchJasoncoughcoughArgonautscoughcough. Nevertheless, Poseidon hatches another plan, a back-up plan to get revenge on Zeus and Perseus. He tells a nymph to “find him”. We’ll get to “him” later.

However, this is a problem for Perseus still, because he’s been thrown WAY off course from the island of Medusa. Even with the sandals, he’d be cutting it close to get back to Joppa with Medusa’s head. And that’s if he gets back with the head. Still a big if, that. In any case, he’s headed there to do what he must. He’s already faced the Greae and the Harpies, so, hey! Not too bad so far, right? Just Medusa next, and then a giant sea monster! Hahaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Well...whatever. For Andromeda, and for something else, he’s going to do it. Perseus looks at the sword, and wonders what’s up with the whole “Zeus is my dad” thing yet again, but shakes it off as he continues flying. Above him, an eagle flies. Said eagle is soon joined by an owl, and the two share a look as they follow Perseus. He’s close to the island, and Medusa’s island is prominent on the horizon, shrouded in a dark eerie fog.

Perseus lands on the island, after hovering above it for perhaps too long. This is, unsurprisingly, the same island from the beginning of the film, now in ruins. He gears up, and this includes the Helm of Darkness this time. He creeps into the temple, and is struck by surprise when he sees a Gorgon slithering next to him. OH SHIT

On first glimpse, the invisible Perseus notes that the creature is indeed monstrous, standing 6-feet tall, with snakes for her short hair and fang-like teeth protruding from her mouth. And while there are some details not actually in Greek mythology, I do like some details given in the films. Firstly, this Gorgon is armed not only with her looks and teeth, but bows and arrows, as seen as she takes an arrow, and coats in in poison dripping from her teeth.

Perseus realizes the danger that he’s in, but also doesn’t realize that this ISN’T Medusa. YUP. This is one of the Gorgons, but not Medusa. He approaches the creature, confident in his invisibility. However, he isn’t careful enough, and accidentally kicks a pebble. The Gorgon looks directly at him, into his EYES, and he’s paralyzed! But...he isn’t turned to stone, curiously. This is how he figures out that this isn’t Medusa, but simply another Gorgon. He also realizes how careless he’s being, and takes care to avert his eyes from the Gorgons and Medusa.

He gets over his paralysis eventually, then carefully makes his way to the main temple. On the way, he encounters another Gorgon, completing the trio of Gorgons present in mythology. He walks into the temple, and as he does, a door slams shut behind him. Now the Gorgons up until now have been monstrous and fairly tall women, with snakes for hair and hideous visages, but also with mostly humanoid bodies, with legs that they can walk upon. Medusa, though...Medusa’s different.

As the door closes, Perseus is clearly unnerved. The temple seems empty in front of him, but he also sees statues littered around it, clearly those of mortal men turned to stone by Medusa’s gaze. He walks carefully, and as he does, he hears a voice call out, asking who’s there. She can smell him, sense him, and he is not completely invisible to her. Perseus says nothing, as not to completely give away him position. But he is TERRIFIED, and the audience should be as well. Because we see glimpses of her throughout the temple. You ever see the new version of Disney’s The Jungle Book? Remember how they first showed Kaa?

In the same way, coils of a snake’s body are seen, slithering around Perseus, who’s looking for Medusa. All the while, a hissing voice speaks to him from the shadows. She recognizes that his patron is Athena, her former priestess. She explains her rage, both at Poseidon for what he did, and for Athena for abandoning her and condemning her to this terrible fate. She asks why he’s come, guessing that it’s to kill her. He confirms this, but upon hearing her story, expresses his doubts.

But Medusa...Medusa doesn’t really care. If this is a favored beneficiary of Athena, as she used to be, she wants him fucking DEAD. And she doesn’t care who he is, or what his mission is, or about his feelings. he’s going to turn him into stone, and display him in her collection, so that Athena can see something she loves turned into a monstrous form. And now, we see Medusa in full. And I gotta say, Harryhausen had it right. So did Warner Brothers in adapting it.

Half snake, half woman, with long, LONG snakes for hair, and a long snake body as well. She’s also surprisingly beautiful, as I actually do like the idea of keeping her beautiful, in a way to remind her of what she used to be. She’s armed not with a bow and arrow, but with a stone spear. And she’s BIG in form. Her head is still human-sized, but she was clearly a tall woman when she was human. She uses her body to rear up to terrifying heights, though, and Perseus can only see glimpses of her as she reveals herself.

She attacks him, and Perseus has to think fast. In the original myths, he gets her in his sleep. In the movies, it’s a combination of luck and mirrors. But here...here, it’s going to be different. See, we’re going with the old fallen pillar gag. Perseus enrages her, and tricks her into knocking over pillars of the temple that they’re in. She attacks with the spear, with statues thrown by her snake body, with her snake body, and also with an addition: spitting venom, like that of a spitting cobra.

But he manages to either dodge it, or block it with the corrosive proof cloak. All the while, he avoids her gaze, but his helmet is knocked off in the process. She can see him now, and that’s bad news. But only one more column needs to fall. Perseus tricks her into knocking the temple down around her, and she’s trapped in the rubble.

Perseus escapes, and the other Gorgons outside are knocked out by the debris. However, Medusa’s definitely not dead. He stumbles across her, under the rubble, and still enraged. She’s trapped now, though, and he can kill her easily. She actually asks him to, and he refuses at first. But Athene, in owl form, lands on a still standing pillar, in Medusa and Perseus’ eyeline. They see it, and they know that it’s a sign of what Perseus needs to do. Perseus closes his eyes. And he swings.

The blood washes over the sword, smoking. Now christened in an act of mercy and strength, the blue-silver turns to gold, and a name appears on the blade: Chrysaor (and yeah, I know Chrysaor was a dude, but I am TAKING CREATIVE LICENSE HERE). But Perseus is upset by this, feeling that he wasn’t a great hero at all. But Athena appears, and notes that mercy is also a quality of heroism. Something even the gods could learn (referring to herself, and her actions in reference to Medusa). He looks at her, unsure of what to think. 

Not that it matters, since he’ll never get back to Aethiopia in time to save Andromeda. And then...the rubble begins to shake. Perseus arms himself, and he points the sword at the rubble, expecting to fight a Gorgon. But instead, an unexpected creature springs up from the rubble: Pegasus.

YUP. I’M STILL DOING IT! I realize that Pegasus is NOT Perseus’ mount, but he is actually linked to the myth via Medusa. So, yeah, Pegasus is born of Medusa. Perseus looks at Athena, who notes that Pegasus looks swift, and seems to be a way back. Pegasus is also pretty grateful to Perseus, as he’s technically responsible for his freedom. So, yeah...he gets ONE ride.

Perseus puts the head of Medusa in the cloak of Dionysus, and gets on Pegasus. As Perseus takes off with Pegasus and Chrysaor, Athena looks at the body of Medusa. Zeus, as the eagle, looks on, and follows Perseus to Aethiopia. Athena stays behind, and then is joined by Hermes. He notes that he’s here for Medusa’s soul, as Hades has been waiting for her soul this whole time. There’s his ulterior motive. But Athena tells Hermes that she’ll be accompanying them. She will speak to Hades.

But enough of that, because Andromeda’s set to be sacrificed! The angry mob has hit a fever pitch, and it’s day before her birthday! Cassiopeia, now fully in the cult of Poseidon with the rest, brings her daughter to the rocks to be chained up. Cepheus tries to stop this, but the mob stops him instead, imprisoning him on the command of Cassiopeia. Andromeda is also taken captive, set to be sacrificed to Poseidon to gain his favor.

Perseus gets to Aethiopia, and lands near Joppa, the capital city. Pegasus takes off, bidding goodbye to Perseus, who thanks him. Pegasus has a date with a kid named Bellerophon. And Perseus is finally feeling confident. Although, he’s not entirely sure what he’ll do when he gets there. But he’s got the head, so what could go wro-BAM!!!

He’s blindsided, with a hit to the face by a rock! And here, we get a bit of an aside from the myth to add something. See, Perseus wakes up, as he’s been out for a WHILE. As he wakes up, he sees an old man, clearly bedraggled and haggard. The man notes that he’s awake after all, and Perseus notes that he has the sword and Medusa’s head in the cloak. This old man introduces himself as an old banished king. He explains that he is there to kill Perseus, on command from Poseidon. You see, he’s been given a chance at absolution, for offending him via inaction many years ago.

The two have a heart-to-heart of sorts, about the expectations of the gods, and Perseus asks why he hasn’t killed him. The king doesn’t reveal his full reasons, those being that Perseus is, of course, his grandson. But Perseus asks him to let him live, in order to save someone with the item in the bag. Curious, the old king looks in the bag...

Stone. And thus, Acrisus’ prophesied downfall is done. Shocked and saddened by this, Perseus nevertheless takes the head, his sword, and his sandals. and takes off to save Andromeda. More time’s been lost, and Andromeda’s lost her hope in Perseus, as has everybody else. By the time he gets there, Poseidon’s released Cetus, who can look however, but I will say I think the incarnation in the 2010 movie was pretty solid. Cetus heads off to kill Andromeda, under the watch of Cassiopeia and her cult of Poseidon.

But then, Perseus shows up to present the head, and sees Cetus having arrived to devour Andromeda. Instinctively, he presents the head to Cetus, and turns him into stone (because I think that’s a cool way for him to go). Andromeda is saved, but Poseidon is PISSED THAT HIS PLAIN FAILED. He rears up from the ocean, complete with earthquake tremors, ready to kill Perseus himself. BUT ZEUS IS FUCKING DONE WITH HIS BULLSHIT.

He steps in the way of Poseidon, and screams that there’s been enough damage done! At the first full appearance of Zeus, EVERYBODY in Aethiopia reacts. While everyone bows in reverence, Cassiopeia’s so freaked out that she runs away. She’ll be leaving the city altogether, and when she does, she’s watched over by a cuckoo (or a peacock). This is Hera, and as a god of women AND OF MOTHERS...she’s going to be punishing Cassiopeia for her deeds.

Zeus and Poseidon speak, and the two come to tentative peace. This is settled in the courts of Olympus, where everybody involved comes together to speak about this affair. They note that, despite Poseidon’s petty bullshit, something unique has happened. A mortal child of a god, spurned on by their actions, has managed to outsmart and defeat countless obstacles. And now, celebrated for saving Andromeda and the city of Joppa, Perseus is celebrated. Zeus predicts that he will be made king, with Andromeda as his queen. And this pleases Zeus greatly. Poseidon, still angry, is not convinced. But Zeus directs his attention away from Perseus’ celebration, and towards one of his children: Pegasus.

A new age is now dawning in the world of man, and in the world of gods. As Pegasus flies over the oceans, he flies over an island, as Zeus narrates on the nature of this new age of heroes. And as Pegasus lands, we see the city of Corinth in the distance. The narration concludes, as we are introduced to a young man, a prince named...Bellerophon.

Cut to black.

Well...almost. There’s a mid-credits scene, where a newly crowned Perseus goes back to his island with a fleet of ships to see his mother, and bring her to Aethiopia to live happily. And then, there’s an after-credits scene, with Athena. She’s looking at the mortal word, and looking forward to this age of heroes. She sees that some divine intervention may be needed in the land of Boeotia. She asks her attendant to fetch her shield. And Medusa, saved from the Underworld by a penitent Athena, brings her the shield, Gorgoneion, now adorned with the image of Medusa’s former self, as a reminder to Athena to be merciful. And off she goes, to help another burgeoning hero: Cadmus

AND SO THE AGE OF HEROES BEGINS

Alongside a theoretical franchise, of course.

If you read this nonsense, then...wow, why? But also, thank you! Mostly for putting up with my mad ravings. I’ll be putting the the straight-up review of this film later today, but...I really needed this off my chest. Any thoughts? Any ideas? Any criticisms? Any petty insults? I’ll take it, whatever it is! THanks again for putting up with this.

See you in the ACTUAL REVIEW!!!

[imnotwolverine]

White gulls

Henry Cavill x OC Lisa - multi-chapter fic

Author’s note: Its been raining all weekend, so I needed all the sun flooded heart buzzing fluff I could fit into one chapter. And BOI has it become fluffy. I hope you enjoy! Have a lovely Sunday everyone <3 

Word count: 3.061

Disclaimer: fluffff

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This is part 20 of the Tea for Two series.

Find the Masterlist here. 

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< Go back to part 19

Salt.

Sun.

The sensation of a soft, lukewarm wind on toasty skin.

A lushious towel, its soft weft protecting me from the seething hot, wooden deck.

Gulls, screeching atop our heads.

And the sea. Its waves softly breaking against the boat’s bow.

I turned the page on the book I was reading and looked over at Henry, his satisfied face poking out from the shimmering water as he floated around in the pale blue sea. Cute bear. 

He looked so very relaxed, a soft smile playing on his lips as his eyes tracked the gulls that were flying big circles through the sky, his hands languidly paddling through the Aegean sea water.

We had agreed on taking some holidays after the production for the Witcher had wrapped up. And though I had been apprehensive - I loved working JUST a bit too much - Henry was quick to veto his vote. 

‘I’ll organise everything.’ He had stated simply. And so he did. And here we were. In Greece, on a private yacht. Which is totally, totally ridiculous, but…whatever. Life was never truly normal with Henry in it.

Our days were spent eating freshly caught fish, learning some Greek words from the ship’s crew, meandering through small harbour towns and swimming. Lots and lots of swimming. I, especially, since I was struggling to keep my cool in these high temperatures. 

Talking about which.

I checked the page number of my book and closed it, crawling up from my towel and readjusting my bikini before quickly tiptoeing over the burning hot wood to the back end of the deck. I squealed, feeling my feet almost melt as my skin touched the wood, the arduous journey becoming even more complicated as the boat shimmied in irregular patterns, making me wobble unsteadily on my half-sleeping legs. 

‘Oh fuck fuck fuck.’ I cursed under my breath, before finally finding a more comfortable spot to stand on.

‘..You okay there love?’ The wind carried Henry’s deep baritone voice to my ears as I stretched myself out, looking for a good spot to jump into the water. Ha. I could jump almost right next to Henry without him seeing, his eyes still peering up at the sky.

‘Yes dear.’ I said sweetly, before pushing myself off the deck, landing a little distance away from Henry in the cool, cool water.

‘OI! You little..’ He quickly turned, spluttering out the water that had gotten into his mouth as he reached out an arm for me. I squealed as I tried to make a swim for it, my blubbery legs unfortunately letting me down.

In no time I was wrapped in Henry’s iron grip and my body shuddered. Be it because of the cool water, or the fact I was a prisoner to his will now.

‘..little vixen.’ He breathed in my ear, nipping at my earlobe playfully. I laughed and bit my lip, turning my head towards him as far as I could, my back still pulled flush against his chest.

‘What?’ I said, feigning innocence.

‘You know what.’ He growled.

‘It’s not like you got any wetter.’ I shrugged, feeling a dry chuckle reverberating through his chest.

‘Mhm..’ He hummed, one of his hands now reaching down for my fabric covered crotch, a teasing finger pressing against my clit, making me shiver again.

‘BEAR!’ I gasped.

‘What? It’s not like you can get any wetter…hmm?’ He nuzzled my neck, his finger continuing to make small circles over my nub.

I squirmed, my legs kicking out as I felt my breath hitch. ‘..Hen…’ I rolled my eyes back, my oversensitive flesh yielding much to quickly to his touch. 

Gods..this man.

Electricity started to bubble up in my pinky toes, licking up my calves, washing over my thighs before knotting up in a tight coil in my core. I let out a low moan before being suddenly interrupted by another large spray of water that took us both by surprise.

‘Kal…’ Henry chuckled, the big dog apparently not wanting to miss out on whatever fun we were having as he had just now also launched himself in the water. 

Henry released me from his grip and greeted the large akita as he circled towards us, large paws kicking the water as his fur clouded around him, making him look even bigger.

‘Saved by the Kal.’ I chuckled, earning a teasing smirk from Henry as he scratched Kal. ‘You just wait.’ He winked.

—

‘A shot to good health!’ Felipe, the captain smiled as he pressed a shot glass of Ouzo in my hand. I smiled, raising the small glass and clinking it with his before taking a small sip. The captain wasn’t quite as subtle however, taking a good long swig of the strong liquor. 

I studied the way he hollowed his cheeks and let out a satisfied sigh, his eyes shimmering as he gazed back over the water, checking if all was well. If you thought of a captain of the ship, this is probably what popped up in your head. His skin looked almost leather like, his eyes soft and dark brown, most of his face hidden behind a well trimmed, greying beard. 

And, Felipe was a jovial, romantic spirit. He spoke in great length of local history, myths and legends and seemed to know this sea better than his women - which he had..plenty of..if his stories were anything to go by.

We had just finished another delicious lunch that the cook had prepared - like…totally ridiculous..we had a cook on board - and Henry, Kal and one of the crew members had made it to shore so Kal could do his business, the boat now languidly gliding over the water, waiting for them to return.

Felipe tapped my shoulder, alerting me to follow his pointing finger.

‘See there? Those are white seagulls. Lovers. See the way they circle each other?’ He sat down besides me on the blue and white striped pillows, keeping his gaze fixed at the birds. The birds tilted their heads at each other, dancing on the wind as their wings twisted and turned.

I smiled, the birds reminding me of the dream I had that night.

‘I actually..dreamt of white gulls last night.’ I hummed, taking another sip of the Ouzo, the liquor burning a trail through the back of my throat.

‘Oh! Tell, tell! What is it you dreamed about?’ Felipe turned his warm, curious eyes at me, studying the way I now looked at the glass in my hand.

‘I eh…was standing on a rocky shore, alone. A seashore I think, though I can’t remember seeing a sea. And everything around me was big, blue.. cloudless sky, the only sound I heard being the screeching of gulls. Two gulls. Circling above me just like they do now.’ I looked up as the birds made a bit of a dive, their little feet almost touching the water before circling back up again.

‘Just two of them?’

‘Yea..two gulls. It was quite nice to watch..but weird as well. Usually my dreams are a whole lot more busy, action packed..haha.’

‘Hmmm. Well, it is a good sign.’ He nodded, taking a last swig of his drink and pushing the glass on his table.

‘How so?’ I asked, looking over at the captain as he let his hand slip down from the glass, his fingers spreading on the table.

‘We greeks believe that dreaming about two seagulls means you have met..or WILL soon meet..your one true love. They are a representation of eternal love…marital bliss even.’ He sighed, a satisfied grin appearing on his lips as he quirked his head towards the beach where Henry was strolling.  

‘I see.’ I said slowly, looking back over my shoulder to see Henry and Kal running around on the beach, Kal jumping up at a piece of driftwood that was thrown. A soft smile curled on my lips. ‘I see.’

—

We had come to shore for a day, our feet now flip-flopping over the promenade while watching the locals be about their business - selling small trinkets and ice cream, chatting on the docks, fixing fishing nets.

Henry glanced over at me, smiling.

‘Hi.’ I said impishly, smiling back.

‘Hi.’ He said, his voice smooth as butter.

We smiled almost stupidly, lost in each others eyes for a moment as we walked into a secluded little bay.

‘Even now, with you just looking at me, you can make my stomach flutter.’ I said, sniffling shyly and folding my hand around his before leaning my head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head. ‘Good.’ He hummed, his hand squeezing mine gently.

‘I can no longer imagine a life without you.’ He said as I lifted my head back up.

‘Not even when I steal all the blankets?’ I jested. He raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh, don’t tease me little she-devil!’

Without warning he lifted me up and over his shoulder. I shrieked.

‘Nooo HEN! Put me down!’ I kicked my feet haphazardly, both our flipflops now discarded on the beach.

‘Perhaps a swim?’ He suggested, walking towards the water. I tried to worm out of his tight grasp, but to no avail.

‘Oh you wouldn’t dare.’ I challenged.

He however didn’t stop as the water moved passed his calves, his hand now playfully patting my butt.

‘Then no more blanket stealing?’ He rumbled.

I chuckled and finally managed to wiggle out of his grasp as a surprise wave hit him, making him lose his balance for a split second.

Quickly I strode further into the water, up to my waist, before turning back towards him.

‘Never!’ I said exasperated, laughing, letting myself slip fully into the water, my summer dress now pooling around me like a colourful cloud. He joined me, rolling his eyes at my cheekiness.

Within moments I was back in his grasp.

Our lips connected. Eager tongues fighting as I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling him as he pressed his groin into me. He let out a low moan, feeling the friction as I pulled him even closer in the hook of my legs, his eyes quickly darkening.

‘No blankets needed here.’ I said, quirking up an eyebrow. He tilted his head, unbelieving, his eyes quickly looking over my shoulder at the shoreline.

It was practically deserted, two fishermen just walking around the corner out of sight. The shutters of all the few houses here closed to keep out the heat.

I kissed his neck to regain his attention, sucking the sensitive skin behind his ear and earning a low moan from him.

‘You’re my undoing!’ He groaned, wrapping his hands around my buttocks and steadying my shimmying hips. I sniggered playfully.

‘Mmhmm.’ I hummed, catching his lips again.

It took but a few seconds for him to pull down his slacks and move aside my panties, his erection springing free before delving into me. The water caused an unfamiliar friction, making us groan as he slowly pushed inside. ‘Mmmppfff.’ He hissed, catching my lips again before I would moan too loudly.

We mostly just stayed like that while our lips discovered every little bit of skin, the salt sticking to our lips as his hips ever so slightly gyrated against my core. I fluttered my walls around him, making him moan, his lips curling into a smile. ‘Positive side effects of core workouts.’ I whispered in his ear, earning one of his breathy laughs.

Not long after he came, the friction just too overwhelming, his legs shivering. He moved his hand to my nub, but I stopped him. ‘Later.’ I hinted at some people just walking past the corner of the small bay. He sniggered, still somewhat shivery and his cheeks flush with embarrassment, his arms keeping me closely tucked to his chest.

I unwrapped my legs and looked for the bottom of the sea shore, the small sand grains melting between my toes again as I found my footing, the water washing our sweet sins away. 

We kissed while Henry manoeuvred his pants back on and I moved my panties back in place - all while trying to not catch the attention at the people who were now strolling on the beach. We chuckled quietly, seeing the people move at an excruciatingly slow tempo, both our cheeks pink with embarrassment.  

‘Well that was naughty.’ He said, still a bit flustered. We kissed again.

‘I love you.’ I hummed, smiling at him. He cupped my face, looking into my eyes. Deeply. His ocean blue eyes almost burning into my green eyes. Not saying a thing. He just..looked at me, his breath still a slight bit irregular. He clenched his jaw, leaning his forehead against mine as he continued to look at me. ‘Be mine.’ He whispered. 

I leaned back against his forehead, closing my eyes, feeling his hands still cupping my jaw with a certain need. As if he was scared I would vanish, if not for his tight grip. ‘I am yours.’ I whispered in turn. He was quiet for a moment before he nodded, kissing me.

I could feel he was not saying something he really wished to say. But I figured, as is with all men, it just needed some time to turn into words. I cupped his face in return. ‘I am yours.’ I said with a touch more seriousness, looking back up into his eyes. His thought stricken face melted into one of love.

—

We had left the boat behind us as we had reached our last destination; a small harbour town with thousands of white-painted houses that seemed to grow like mushrooms from a steep rocky shoreline. The sun was currently sinking further and further to the horizon as our feet carried us through the narrow streets, our hands interlocked as Henry guided me to another one of his “little surprises”.

I didn’t really know what to expect, but apparently a “little surprise” meant in this case an absolutely lovely, completely private dinner with view of the sunset, the small terrace hewn from the coast rock itself. I hugged him, endeared by the gesture. 

‘This is…a-ma-zing.’ I said exasperated, looking out over the railing to see the waves clashing against the rock below. My eyes probably spoke a thousand words, because Henry could only just smile broadly, proud of his present.

We sat down and a waiter came up to us in full black tux, pouring us some champagne, before quickly shuffling off through a small gate in the back.

We raised our glasses. ‘To life and to love.’ Henry said, our glasses clinking. I sipped the champagne, looking back at the sun, the sky now slowly turning deep hues of pink. And once more two gulls were floating in the soft evening wind. 

How fitting.

‘Reminds me of when we met.’ I said, smiling happily before looking back at him, reminiscing that early morning hike in LA. He smiled sweetly, his nostrils flaring.

Strange…Was he uncomfortable? He always did that when he was uncomfortable...His shirt too tight? Too hot? I can’t be right...My thoughts rolled over in my mind as I studied him. No amount of acting classes could hide from me that something was up with him.

He was now also looking out at the sunset, his hands clenching his glass in a death grip and.. did I see a certain …worry.. in his eyes? He looked back at me, his smile growing wider, before realising I was noticing his discomfort, my eyes glancing down at his clutching hands. He grinned, as if caught, nodding, then took a deep, deep breath.

‘Go ahead then, spill the beans.’ I said, knowing something was up while looking at him with studious eyes.

He looked back at me too, our eyes meeting, and love melted back into his blues. Those big, anxious, puppy eyes. Gosh. He is so..nervous? Whatever it was: it was endearing. He moved his chair back, taking my hands and pulling me up, his eyes looking at me studiously as I quickly straightened my dress, confused as to why he wanted us to get up. 

‘My sweetest, sweetest Lisa. Not in my long life have I felt so nervous about asking anyone such a question.’ He smiled. I smiled in return, peering into his eyes while squeezing his hands, my heartbeat slowly raising.

Our eyes delved deeper and deeper into one another as he continued.

Was he...?

‘We have this most wonderful, relaxed…well-balanced relationship. I just honestly didn’t even know I could have that. But here we are..’ He gestured at the sea with a quick raise of his hand, as he took another quick breath, swallowing his nerves.

Is he..?

‘I do not wish anything more then for this to never end. For us to see a thousand sunsets together, if life allows..’ He sank down on one knee, looking up at me.

OH BOI.

My heart started to flutter like a captured bird, restless and begging to be released, my lip suddenly trembling with emotion.

‘Would you dear Lisa, please, marry me?’

I felt a tear burning as I started to nod feverishly. ‘Yes, yes you fool.’ I laughed, the tears slowly flowing down my cheek as I threw myself in his arms. The air was suddenly so thick and heavy I couldn’t even stand on my own legs anymore, my full weight now hanging onto Henry as he remained there on one knee, quickly capturing me in his arms. 

We kissed, laughing giddily and gasping for breath, our lips curling in such broad smiles it hurt our cheeks.

He finally settled me more comfortably on his knee as he moved one of his hands down a pocket, reaching for a ..marker?

He held it up. ‘No ring.’ He smiled with boyish enthusiasm, carefully taking my left ring finger and drawing a black band with his initials in it. I laughed, releasing a breath I didn’t know I was holding, a smile etched on my cheeks as I looked at him as he drew on the band.  

He put the marker back in his pocket, blowing gently over the ink, before kissing it, his eyes interlocking with mine again. 

This was it. I realised. 

Forever.

The two white gulls that were now circling the burning skies, our witnesses.

--

Epilogue >

[yet-another-fan-girl9]

Different Worlds (7)

Summary: You’re the youngest Winchester, a girl who needs to show her big brothers that she doesn’t need help. Then one day, on a totally normal vampire hunt that you had all under control, three meddling Avengers come barging in.

Warnings: language, violence, canon divergence, slow burn, me making stuff up

Word Count: 2234

A/N: Is it 2 am? Maybe... Am I listening to nostalgic and depressing music to make myself sad? Maybe...

~*~

Chapter Seven: Some Words Are Exchanged

“Well don’t just stand there,” Crowley said when nobody moved. You all traded glances as you tried to come up with a plan. “Come and take a seat.”

“Cut the act, Crowley,” Dean ordered. “You know why we’re here.”

“And here I thought we were friends, Squirrel.” The demon sighed and with a wave of his hand, the music stopped. “You brought me a new friend, though.” He looked at Bucky and when you moved to interrupt his gaze, Crowley smirked. “Ah, but it looks like the soldier is already taken.”

“Give me the book Fergus,” Rowena drew her son’s attention toward herself.

“Well since you asked so nicely, mother, and sat at my table and ate my food and joined me in some wonderful conversation—”

“Stop stalling,” your oldest brother nearly shouted. “Where is the book?”

“What book?”

“The Magicae Libro.”

“Ah, yes. It’s a powerful book, but why would you think I have it?”

“You stole it,” Jack answered. “After the Avengers left we discovered both you and the book missing.”

“Then let me rephrase it,” Crowley grinned while everyone else either glared or rolled their eyes at him. “It’s a powerful, very powerful book. Why would you think I still have it?”

“You gave it away?” you groaned and resisted the urge to stomp your foot like a child. Why did this have to be so fucking hard? It was starting to feel like a scavenger hunt. “Who did you give it to?”

“I didn’t ‘give it away,’” Crowley scoffed and sat in the chair at the head of the table. He motioned to the other chairs as if the action would convince your group to dine with him. “Honestly I’m hurt that you would even think that I would do something as dumb as giving the Magicae Libro away.”

“So you’re saying someone stole it from you?” Sam cocked his head.

“Stole it? From me?” You had to bite back a grin at seeing Crowley’s very offended expression. “First you think that I simply gave it away, then you think that somehow, someone came into Hell to steal it from me?” He paused for a moment. “Though I’m sure you morons would have found a way to steal it from me.”

“So where is it?”

“Where is what?”

“Crowley, I swear to fuck—”

“He’s stalling,” Bucky said to your surprise. “He told us that he wouldn’t give the book away and that it wasn’t stolen. He still has it.” He narrowed his eyes. “But not for long. He traded it for something.”

“How do you know?” You look at the blue-eyed man.

“My training,” he replied simply.

“That’s amazing.”

“Thank you, doll.”

“Okay,” Rowena snapped. “We get that (Y/N)’s boyfriend—” Both you and Bucky interrupted with a couple of half-assed denials. The red-haired witch cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow at you. “We get that (Y/N)’s boyfriend is good at whatever he’s good at, but I need the book.”

“Yeah, we need the book,” Dean said holding his knife up threateningly.

“Who are you giving it to?” Jack added.

“And where and when does the exchange take place?” Sam joined.

“Um, I’m personally more worried about what Crowley traded it for,” you point out. A small smile crept up your face when Bucky nodded his agreement with you.

“What makes you think I would tell you?” Crowley leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“We’ll postpone killing you,” Dean threatened.

“Would you let them kill me, mother?” the king of Hell turned his gaze on to his mother who sharply responded,

“Maybe. You are being a pain in my ass.”

Crowley opened his mouth to retaliate but before he could get anything out, you jumped in.

“What if we trade you something better than what the other party offered you?”

“You leave me alone for two years and I’ll answer your questions,” he said immediately. “That means you all let me do whatever I want for two whole years. No stopping me or my plans.”

“As long as it doesn’t endanger anyone,” Bucky negotiated.

Crowley shook his head. Superheroes, right? They never want anyone to die. There will always be casualties, but you can’t save everyone. It’s a lesson all hunters must learn early on.

“As long as it doesn’t hurt more than ten people,” Sam offered but the demon continued to shake his head.

“It doesn’t matter who he kills as long as it’s not me,” Rowena sighed.

 “Fine,” you said. “Twenty-four people. You’re limited to one every month.”

“Twenty-four?” Bucky asked as Crowley pretended to mull over the offer. “That’s a lot of people.”

“Without limitations, his body count would be in the hundreds each year.”

“I’ll take the deal.” Crowley held out his hand.

“Remember, if there’s more than one person per month, we will intervene,” Dean warned and stepped forward to shake the demon’s hand.

“Is that it?” Jack asked. “Has the deal been made?”

“What do you want a kiss?” Crowley made a face. “Anyways, my client, or clients, are the twin witches by the names of Myra and Alek.”

“Those pieces of shit,” Rowena spat. Then she turned to the rest of you. “They were, and I suppose still are, hungry for power. I heard that they were the ones Lucifer recruited to get the book in the first place.”

“Yes, I do seem to remember them saying something about their Dark Lord,” mused Crowley. “They decided to meet, well not meet per se. The book will appear in the Stull Cemetery at the witching hour at their request.”

“So they have a sense of humor,” Sam deadpanned.

“Stull Cemetery’s in Kansas,” you pointed out.

“Right, okay. Let’s get out of here and come up with a plan.”

“You’re not sticking around for dinner?” Crowley looked at the table.

In response to his question, Rowena mumbled some Latin under her breath and you all appeared in the bunker’s library in a flash of purple flames. Cas jumped up from his seat in surprise and the fire in the bowl died out. 

“Do you have the book?” He asked once you were all orientated again. 

Dean shook his head no and explained the deal you had made with Crowley. 

“So we go in and get the book before the witches,” Sam summarized. Talk about easier said than done.

“Rowena, are you in?” You looked at her. 

“I would very much enjoy obliterating those pieces of shit.”

“What about you, Bucky?”

“I think I gotta sit this one out,” he said slowly and you could feel yourself visibly deflate. “You guys sound like you’ve got this handled anyway.”

“Okay.” The room was silent. Oh, fuck. Everyone’s eyes were on you. You have to get out of here. “I’ll show you out.”

“Can I talk to you about something?” Bucky asked once you left the library.

“Uh, sure.” You had a few ideas of what was on his mind. Was it going to Hell? Was it the multiple almost-kisses? You really needed to talk about that.

“Are you sure letting Crowley kill one person every month is a good idea?”

Hmm. Not quite what you were expecting. You should have known this was coming. Definitely would have preferred the almost-kiss topic. Maybe have a redo.

“Well, to keep the book out of those twitches’ hands, we had to make a deal appealing to the King of Hell.” You led him up the stairs, getting very close to stomping. “As I said before, he would kill a lot more fucking people if we gave him even the slightest hint of…” You turned around at the door to face the superhero. “Listen. Any other scenario would definitely have a body count higher than twenty-four. In a shorter time frame than two years might I add. Trust me. I’m not exactly thrilled about this deal either, but there will always be casualties. I would think you would be one of the people to understand.”

“I do understand,” Bucky said when you finally gave him a moment to speak. “But I thought you would have tried harder.”

He opened the front door and left silently. The slam of the door behind him echoing a bit too much in the large, empty room.

~*~

Bucky wished he hadn’t left like that. In fact, he kind of wished he hadn’t left at all. The moment the door had closed, a bit too loudly in his opinion, he had regretted the goodbye. Or lack of one. As much as he wanted to go back in and set things right with (Y/N), he was never one to properly deal with his emotions.

He marched back to the small quinjet he had flown to Kansas in. The journey back was quiet, but not in Bucky’s head. The events of the day kept repeating in his mind just like a record stuck on repeat.

The day could have ended so differently. He had almost kissed her. Twice. Once even in Hell. Fuck, the fact that he had been to Hell, actual, literal Hell, made his mind spin. And he hadn’t even left the castle.

But he had almost kissed (Y/N). He wondered if she wanted to kiss him too. Would it have happened if Dean hadn’t interrupted? They had been seconds, inches away.

And now he probably fucked everything up because he had to question her. He knew that there would always be casualties. He knew she didn’t want anyone to die. But he wished that she had tried harder.

Twenty-four was a pretty large number. Twenty-four people were a lot of people. Bucky wondered if he even knew twenty-four people right now.

It was eight pm when Bucky landed in New York and his stomach was practically yelling for food. He half wished he had taken up Crowley’s offer of a feast. But then again, who knew if it was poisoned or cursed or whatever the demon King of Hell would do to food. Probably curse the consumer to be stuck in Hell like the Greek myth of Persephone and Hades.

The kitchen was empty except for… great. Bucky sighed, knowing that the two men in the kitchen serving themselves ice cream wouldn’t let him have a peaceful dinner as he had hoped. They greeted him happily when they saw him and Bucky mumbled his greeting back. He wandered over to the fridge, praying that there were some decent leftovers. He didn’t think he could eat instant ramen right now.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve called out. “Where’ve you been?”

“Yeah, man. You look like shit,” Sam joked, though Bucky was sure there was some truth to it.

He ignored Sam’s oh so important contribution to the conversation and answered Steve in one word: “Hell.”

“C’mon, it couldn’t have been that bad,” Steve prompted, eager for more details.

“No,”  Bucky corrected as he placed a bowl of spaghetti in the microwave. “I literally went to Hell with the Winchesters.”

“Oh, so you were with (Y/N),” Sam smirked.

“Why did they need to go to Hell?” Steve asked, he too ignoring the Falcon.

“Apparently Crowley stole the Magicae Libro from them the other day.”

“Did it end in a fight?” Bucky could clearly hear the concern in Steve’s voice.

“No.” This has had to be the longest microwave minute in history. One of them would come to the conclusion soon enough. Sure enough, the next words out of Sam’s mouth…

“So trouble in paradise, huh? That’s what’s gotcha so down?”

“I wouldn’t call it paradise if nothing ever happened between us.”

“But you want something to happen,” Steve confirmed the same time Sam asked what had happened.

Finally, the microwave timer went off and Bucky managed to escape answering his friends as well as the onslaught of questions that were sure to follow. He took refuge in his room and ate the spaghetti on his bed. Bucky could see (Y/N)’s file on his desk. It was pinned underneath the Supernatural book Wanda had lent him.

The specific book was titled ‘Skin’ and it was about skinwalkers. It had matched up with what (Y/N) had told Bucky about Dean’s first serious run-in with the law. Bucky kind of wanted to read more of the Supernatural books, God was actually a decent writer, but at the same time, it felt sort of like reading (Y/N)’s diary.

Shouldn’t he be learning all about her from, well, her? Bucky supposed that she could also look up his life on the internet. Although the media wasn’t always true or nice to Bucky. How true were the Supernatural books? Did he trust God, or Chuck Shurley, to know (Y/N)’s thoughts and emotions in those situations? She must have changed a lot since the books had been written.

Shit. Maybe Sam was kind of right with the whole ‘obsessed with her’ thing. It wasn’t an obsession, it was just simple curiosity. Bucky was only interested in learning more about the hunter lifestyle. Or (Y/N)’s hunting lifestyle. Or (Y/N). Damn, he really couldn’t get her out of his head.

When he finally went to bed after sluggishly completing his nightly routine and confirming to Steve that he was okay, it was twelve thirty-two. He wondered how (Y/N) and the rest of the gang were handling the witches.

~*~

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Tag List (strike though means tag didn’t work):

@grav3dollie-666 @broco8

[childoftimeandmagic]

Burning for You

Klaroline AU Week 2019 is here, catch me sneaking this in under the wire. Thank you @itsnotacrimetoloveyou for getting my author juices flowing again. 

Read on AO3 

               Growing up when giants walked the earth Caroline often felt older than she truly was. That being said being reborn often made her feel exactly her age. Stranding slowly, her head fuzzy with the details, she glanced around her store and groaned. The scorched tile and ashes of where her store had been made sense. Feeling her chest, she felt the healing wound on her chest. Bullet wound, wood by the fact she’d rebirthed so quickly. Humans had the most entertaining toys to play with, holding out her hand she absorbed the residual flames and heat back into her body. If anyone had been around to notice it, they would have seen the briefest glimpse of fiery wings rising behind the naked blonde.

           Taking a deep breath, she started moving through the rubble of her jewelry store for anything of value to take with her. Since she’d most likely be considered dead from a mysterious fire, it was time to leave Mystic Falls. After recovering a hundred pieces of gold and silver gemstone encrusted pieces, she took a deep breath and in a swirl of blue fire disappeared from the rubble, just as sirens started to pour in.

           Unbeknownst to Caroline someone had been watching her stumble through her former store. Someone who had been looking for the being that couldn’t be killed by a weapon of man nor flame of the gods. A man who was bent on controlling or killing the powerful beings in creation. Someone who believed himself to be the most powerful creature to walk the earth. Klaus Mikaelson stalked from the shadows across the Mystic Falls square his suspicion confirmed.

           People had murmured his entire immortal life of the powers of rejuvenation and destruction a Phenix controlled. A nice bedtime story for those who needed a miracle or a plea of vengeance. Then the alters had started popping up, about six hundred years ago or so. Whispers saying that if one left a vibrant gemstone, or something of equal beauty the Auroral Phenix would answer their prayer. Klaus had dismissed it as the blithering tales of human’s hell bent on praying for anyone to save them or protect them.

           Then his minions had started pouring in stories of villages being burned down the day after an opal or precious stone had been left at one of these alters in the woods. Soon more stories came in of the sick miraculously healing. Abusers of women and children, catching fire spontaneously while walking through the town after a doll from a little girl or toy cart from a little boy had been left with pleas for help. Yet no one saw anything but a burst pretty petite blonde near the location of every occurrence. Soon his interest was piqued, Rebekah and Elijah had amused his curiosity to an extent.

           Caroline reappeared five thousand miles away in her villa ruins of Despotiko. While she could have reappeared anywhere, her family home was were her body always pulled following a rebirth, over the last two thousand years she’d given up on resisting the pull. Despotiko was protected and a national archaeological site for the Greeks. Whether or not they’d ever actually owned it or not was of little matter at this point, the ancient history of man and nymphs lost to time. Once islands across the Mediterranean had been known to be sanctuaries for the children of the gods. Walking through the broken pillars to where she could look out over the bay, she closed her eyes.

           Lots of mythos surrounded her people but, in the end, she was the last one left. Shapeshifting hadn’t protected them as much as Helios and Hephaestus had hoped. Man was a cruel race willing to destroy anything it didn’t feel it could control or conquer adequately. Rolling her shoulders, she walked over to her mother’s chest, that she had here masked by magic and careful misdirection. There were sentimental things, like her mother’s molting plumage which never faded, an aquamarine pendent in the shape of a tear, as well as practical things like clothes and weapons. Grabbing her gear, she got dressed quickly. Placing the gems and jewelry she’d recovered from the remnants of Rising Jewelers ashes into the box she placed her hands on the chest and said a prayer to her father to protect her from whatever was chasing her.

She like her mother, was child of an air nymph and the sun god Helios. Nymphs who bore a Phenix didn’t survive the birth, so most Phenix’s lived with an older member of the flock until maturity which was between six hundred and eight hundred years old. While they rarely stayed in human forms, their avian forms in the end had been their undoing.

As humans had realized that they were demi-gods or the grandchildren of a titan and a being of Gia, the desire to control grew. Phenix’s could neither be controlled or tamed, they also couldn’t be recreated through interbreeding. Then the age of iron had come, and with-it man’s weapons grew stronger. Unbeknownst to her flock or her father, to prevent them from growing too strong, Zeus had cursed his cousin’s children to be burned by the touch of iron. As such they could only be killed by iron through the heart or brain.

While man had destroyed her culture 1200 years ago, her god father had spirited her away from the blood bath and placed her with cousin Hephaestus in the volcanic chasms underground until she’d reached maturity of six hundred years old. Carolina as she’d been known then had trained as a jewel smith under her god cousin, who was amazed at her ability to focus and her attention to details.

The old gods slumbered now though, their worshipers far and in-between, not enough to keep them awake. Caroline drifted through the world of man taking time to help innocents here and there. Caroline missed her flock often especially after a traumatic rebirth, but life moved on and with time so did she. Man was impressionable though and with a few well-placed whispers and alters popping up on every continent she thrived.

 She pulled a replacement phone from the chest and plugged in the password to unlock it. Walking around the ruins of her old life, she ran a security check on her various properties across the globe. Everything was fine except her store front in New Orleans. Rolling her eyes, she zoomed in on who was sitting on her counter. Niklaus Mikaelson. He had been sniffing after her tail feathers for six centuries. Still her deal with Kol Mikaelson not to engage with his older brother was the reason; why his overzealous murder happy brother wasn’t a crispy critter her to consume.

Growling low in her throat, she felt the fire rise within her. Taking multiple deep breaths didn’t keep her phantom flame wings from unfurling behind her, scorching the points of her shirt where her real wings would have come out of her back. Spinning on her heel she walked back to the chest and grabbed her favorite leather jacket. If Klaus Mikaelson wanted to fuck with her, he was about to find out that getting too close to an open flame got you eaten by the last daughter of the sun.

  Klaus was hoping that his minion wasn’t wrong otherwise he was sitting in gorgeous jewelry store that had been closed for five years. In fact, the store according to his minion had closed the day after he and his siblings had returned home. Klaus looked around the store from his spot on the counter impressed with the amount of gold and gems left just sitting on display. Was this woman really so powerful that she felt comfortable leaving such expensive things behind in her absence.

“You know getting ass sweat off of glass is a lot harder than people assume,” a crystal voice startled him out of his thoughts, “get off the furniture hybrid.”

Spinning he looked for the source of the voice, standing behind him was the slight blonde beauty who’d burned and the reformed in the rubble of a small-town jewelry store four nights previous. “So, you aren’t a myth?”

“No very much real now if you want to continue to terrorize your section of the supernatural realm, I suggest you leave now,” the blonde replied, barely looking at him. In fact, it looked almost like she was bored. Snarling he flashed forward only to meet heat and smoke. Turning on his heel he froze as he felt a burning pain on his back. “I told you to leave Mikaelson.”

“I’ve been looking for you,” he breathed through the pain trying to ignore the searing pain that burst forth from her hand on his back.

“You have hmmm, I don’t remember you calling me up or sending me a message on twitter,” she pushed more heat through her hand feeling the flesh start to burn under her hand, the shirt long gone.

“I didn’t think you’d take me call.” he wheezed flashing away finally giving up all pretense that it didn’t hurt to feel her touch.

“Oh, but breaking into one of my stores seemed much smarter,” Caroline was growing impatient. The predator in her wanted to eat him in one gulp, people forgot that some birds weren’t herbivores. She felt the fire from her hand itch to come out and play.

“I wanted to know if the stories were true, if you were the Auroral Phenix incarnate,” he said, shifting his shirt off to look at the scorch marks her hand had left. Only the marking looked more claw than fingered.

“So why not just ask, one apex predator to another?” she asked, looking around her store, and Klaus paused.

Up close he was amazed there weren’t more stories of how beautiful this blonde woman was. Eyes that made him feel he was staring into the deepest pools of water, and hair that could only be described as spun gold. “I never heard tale of a Phenix’s kill, or destruction until you started burning whole villages down as you pleased.”

“It’s not my fault man built their homes out of such flammable material, if they couldn’t handle a little heat then they shouldn’t beat their wives or children,” Caroline stated, as though the thought of not burning down a tinder box of a wooden home hadn’t occurred to her. She was working ridiculously hard at focusing on his ches-no eyes. God why did immortality tend to happen to the only physically gifted individuals of the world.

“So you only ever burned down villages of people who deserved it?” Klaus asked, stepping closer.

“Sometimes a rebirth went wrong, or my heart too heavy to contain my flame,” Caroline sighed, she was growing bored.

“It’s true though, all the stories about your kind though?” he asked, pushing closer when she made no move to stop him.

“Depends on what you’ve heard, though I doubt any of it was actually correct.”

“You don’t cry healing tears, nor journey to the ends of the world to die and be reborn?”

“Maybe yes, but maybe no,” Caroline answered, moving around her store looking to check if he’d stolen anything, always keeping one eye on the man in her store.

“Don’t play games girl,” he growled.

“Girl, that’s rich, I was in my first thousand years when your people hadn’t yet learned how to make swords.” Caroline spun on him so quick he felt off kilter. In a thousand years he’d never met anything or one who made him feel weak. Her hair glowing an almost auburn kind of gold, the color of molten metal. “Either tell me what the great Hybrid wants with me or be gone!”

“Madam,” he cleared his throat. “I merely thought that us powerful creatures should get to know one another better.”

“Bullshit, those words might work with the witches, and fae queens you’re used to dealing with, but my magic is older than the magic of man and far less forgiving Niklaus Mikaelson,” Caroline felt her body aching to change and devour the abomination before her. Stealing the monster inside herself she remembered the teachings of her mother and her people.

“It’s actually my sister Rebekah, she’s been poisoned by something and withers away day by day, I was looking for you because Kol told us that only you could save her,” he relented, stepping back.

“You came to ask a favor, or did you think you could force my hand Niklaus Mikaelson?” she said, eyebrow arched as flame wings glinted behind her reflecting off the gold and silver pieces hanging around the store.

Klaus was at a loss for words, if this was her half transformed, with wings of flame, it belied a beautiful creature in her natural form. He could see shades of reds, blues, and yellows, rippling over her hair and through the flames behind her. “I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.”

“Bring me the thing you value most and I’ll give you the gift to save your sister,” she said, stalking forward and holding her hand out to him. Taking it, he hissed as the heat seared his palm. Pulling away he saw a scar on his palm in the shape of swirling smoke.

When he looked up, he was alone on the roof top of One Shell Square, alone. Spinning around he saw a faint sparkle of something flying off into the night sky a thousand yards away from him. Growling he flashed home to see how Rebekah was faring in his absence.

 Two days passed and Klaus had not come back to her shop. She was calmer now, the heat of the rebirth finally worn off. Sighing she turned back to her styling and sculpting of the vial that she would use to hold her tears. A phenix’s tears gained their healing ability from the lost souls that they cried for. Crying allowed them to protect and preserve themselves and their flock outside of rebirth. Even if Klaus didn’t come back, she would leave the vial on Rebekah’s bedside. She need only drink the tears and all curses, maladies, and pain would leave her body.

Standing she walked to the garden outside her workroom, she knelt down and placed the vial at the center of the sundial design in the tile. Finally, she allowed herself to shift into her natural form. Deep red and yellow plumage spilled out as her bones thinned and shifted to become her real self. Shaking out her tail feathers, she let out a low mournful call, which startled every bird within a half mile out of their nests and into the sky.

Crying drops the color of molten gold, she angled her head so as the tears dripped down her face, they rolled off her beak and filled the vial below. She cried for all the women lost to anger, the children dead in the name of greed, and the loss of her family a millennium twice past. When the vial was full, and her heart felt as light as her bones she shook out her plumage and looked up into the sun which was highest in the sky.

“Thank you, father,” she silently prayed.

“Caroline?” he was here, curious she turned her head 180 degrees to look at him. Standing in the doorway of her work room was the hybrid empty handed. Cooing she looked at him eyes wide. Shifting back into her sun-dressed human form she shook off the few feathers that clung through the transformation. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like a fairy princess transforming in a gust of wind and flame?”

“I tend to eat most beings who see me transform, so no,” Caroline said softly, looking up at him as she knelt to stopper the vial. “I believe the deal was what you value most, in exchange for your sisters cure.”

“I thought about this for two whole days Nix, and I couldn’t come up with anything,” he said slowly, “my sister actually figured it out first, you want me to give myself to you in exchange for her.”

“I wanted the offer, but I’ve never left a woman to suffer,” Caroline laughed, and tossed the vial to him.

“Dinner on the gulf?” he offered, snatching it deftly out of the air.

“Our pact is fulfilled,” she answered, walking over and leaning up to kiss his cheek lightly. “Don’t be late.”

[droxley]

pray for the wicked

pray for the wicked is considered the shittiest panic! album by many. they say that the music gets boring, and the lyrics are meaningless. while i do agree that the music can get boring, the lyrics don’t seem as meaningless as they seem at first glance. in fact, if you look closer at the lyrics, you can see that they’re actually a lot darker than they seem. while they aren’t as poetic as they were before the split, they can still require a bit of unpacking, which will be happening in this post (or an attempt at it).

DISCLAIMER: ALL OF THE FOLLOWING ARE IDEAS. I AM IN NO WAY CLAIMING THAT THIS IS WHAT THE LYRICS ACTUALLY MEAN. not all of these ideas are mine; i have had a handful of friends online who have helped dissect the meanings.

1. (fuck a) silver lining

brendon has said that the message of this song is that essentially nothing is good enough, that you should never let anything be good enough. while the mindset of “nothing is ever good enough” is a good mindset to have, if you’re a perfectionist/have anxiety and what you create isn’t ‘good enough’ for you, it can tear you down.

“no wings of wax or endless mountains” - these are both most likely referencing the greek myths of icarus and sisyphus. icarus and his father daedalus ran from king minos from crete, via wings made of feathers and wax. however, icarus, having too much fun, flew too close to the sun, causing the wax to melt and the feathers to fall off. now wingless, icarus fell down to earth. sisyphus was doomed to roll a boulder up a mountain for eternity. the catch was this: every time he got near the top, the boulder would roll back down the hill, forcing him to start over again. by saying that there will be none of these, brendon’s essentially saying that the misfortunes of icarus and sisyphus aren’t going to happen.

“sunset shadows through the trophies” - not sure what this means, but the sunset and trophies come up again in this album. ‘trapped in your sunset bungalow,’ from dying in la. ‘they wanna celebrate my medals or they want to take my trophies,’ from hey look ma, i made it. ‘oscars and emmys and grammys, everyone here is a trophy,’ from roaring 20s.

2. say amen (saturday night)

“been travelin’ in packs that i can’t carry anymore; been waiting for somebody else to carry me” - a pack is another word for group, and to ‘carry’ can mean to lead a team to victory, especially if they’re not very good or dead. brendon could be saying that he’s been leading a group, and is now waiting for someone else to come and help him.

“if i try to change my life one more day, there would be nobody else to save” - if he tries to change his life, and by extension, himself, he’s saying that there would be nobody else to save. he either doesn’t need saving, or doesn’t think that he can be saved.

3. hey look ma, i made it

this song is supposed to be celebratory, and it is, mostly. there are a few parts, like when brendon talks about how his ‘friends’ want to take his trophies from him. brendon did make it, he got to the top, but it seems like he’s sacrificed a lot to get up there.

“all my life been hustlin’ and tonight is my appraisal; cause i’m a hooker selling songs and my pimp’s a record label” - brendon is literally comparing himself to a prostitute, calling himself a hooker and the music industry his pimp. while this relationship wouldn’t be too far from the truth, saying that he’s a prostitute can be seen as a bit extreme. after all, he has plenty of money, while prostitutes are there because they have no other way to get money.

“this world is full of demons” - the world is full of terrible people and things, yes, but brendon goes all the way to say that it’s full of demons. it’s also interesting that he chose the world ‘this’ instead of ‘the.’ it’s implying that there are more worlds than this one, and that just adds to the whole vibe in king of the clouds. however, this could also be saying that there are different worlds that can be accessed by doing drugs or drinking. 

“so i do the deed, get up and leave” - brendon is, yet again, most likely referencing prostitution. doing the deed is a way of saying having sex. as for getting up and leaving, well... prostitutes get paid, satisfy their clients, and then get up from the bed and leave.

“friends are happy for me or they’re honeysuckle phonies” - he’s essentially saying that ‘friends’ are happy for him, or they’re fake. as for ‘honeysuckle:’ the victorian language of flowers used honeysuckle to show devotion. if you keep that in mind, this phrase says that his friends are happy for him, or they’re devoted fakes.

“some are loyal soldiers while these other thorns are rosy” - this directly follows the lyrics above. he’s saying that some of his friends are loyal and stay with him no matter what (soldier), while others he calls thorns. by calling them rosy, he’s essentially saying that while they do look nice, they will still draw blood.

“and if you never know who you can trust, then trust me you’ll be lonely” - if you look at the previous two phrases, he’s split the people into two groups: those who stay by his side, and those who don’t. brendon could be saying that by not knowing which one of these you can trust, you can be taken advantage of and ditched.

“think i must be dreaming, wide awake and dreaming” - this just reminds me of king of the clouds, either because it sounds like he’s on something or disassociating. it’s probably supposed to be happy, because being a rock star was one of brendon’s biggest dreams, but since it sounds so much like king of the clouds (which doesn’t really seem all too positive to me), i just can’t hear it.

the song aside, if we look at the music video, it basically says that musicians are just easily replaceable puppets. also, if the amazing beebo is supposed to be brendon and his way to fame, then that would mean that brendon actually had a phase where he did cocaine. yes, he got better, but it’s also possible that he wouldn’t have gotten better.

4. high hopes

this is the song that really helped panic! be more recognized and really helped bring in more fans. say what you want about it (i personally do agree that it is overplayed and also rather repetitive but... listen to the instrumentals?), but this song is one main component in panic!’s success today.

“stay up on that rise and never come down” - you’re going to have to come down at some point. he’s at the highest point at this song, but the anticipation for when you’re going to come crashing down nearly overpowers that.

5. roaring 20’s

there’s a lot to unpack on this. buckle up.

brendon has said that this song was based off his time on broadway and kinky boots, but there seem to be references that could be based off touring.

“broadway is black like a sinkhole” - brendon was on kinky boots on broadway. he has said multiple times that it was a good experience overall. so then why would he say that broadway is black (a color often associated with evil), and like a sinkhole? it would be interesting to note that a sinkhole is something that’s caused by a collapse in the surface layer.

“this is the oddest of summers” - i don’t want to look too far into the fact that he chose to use the word ‘odd.’ there are a fair amount of synonyms, but he chose to use the one that’s in the album title of pretty. odd., which is interesting. on top of that, summers (or at least the day and night/sun and moon) seem to hold a deeper meaning in panic!’s lyrics. there are multiple mentions in pretty. odd. and v+v.

“the past on the pavement below me” - earlier in the verse, it is sung that the narrator of this song is on the rooftop. something on the pavement below them would probably mean that it got either pushed off, or it jumped. either way, it’s dead. brendon is essentially saying that the past is dead. but did he push it, or did it jump?

“my telltale heart’s a-hammer in my chest” - the tell-tale heart is a short story by edgar allan poe, narrated by someone who tries to convince the reader that they’re sane while describing how they murdered an old man. at the end, the narrator gave themselves up, as something caused them to hear a hammering noise that they interpreted as the heart of the dead man. why exactly brendon would put this reference in this song, i’m not sure, but referencing books/stories is something that has happened often, especially in afycso. it’s also interesting that he would refer to the telltale heart as his. in addition, using this reference adds to the overall vibe of the song. murder and insanity aren’t very happy things to be writing about.

“cut me a silk tie tourniquet” - silk is often a way of showing off wealth and status. a tourniquet is a way to help staunch bleeding. again, this just adds on to the imagery of the song. more blood.

“this is my roaring, roaring 20’s, i don’t even know me” - it sounds like brendon’s looking back at himself and who he was, and that he can’t even recognize himself at this point. this also sounds self deprecating in a way. your twenties are supposed to be around when you peak, as you’re still young, but have the freedom to do whatever you want. this idea is further helped by the fact that the word ‘roaring’ is put in there. (of course, that could just be a nod to the time period.) however, the ‘i don’t even know me’ just sounds like he’s getting high all the time and letting the past all blend together, like “look at me, i’m peaking, i’m out here getting wasted.” not remembering what happened is a side effect of excessive drinking and sometimes drug use, which seems to be a recurring theme in this album. the fact that excessive drinking and drug use is a repeating theme is... concerning, to say the least.

“roll me like a blunt cause i wanna go home” - brendon smokes weed a lot, as proven by his many videos and streams online. so much that it has apparently gotten into his songwriting. the ‘i wanna go home’ just sounds like he’s tired of what he’s doing and just wants to relax. if this song was inspired by his run on kinky boots, what exactly happened there? there were a few incidents where fans would shout and scream in his face when he came out after shows to sign brochures, which would make sense. brendon has anxiety, and if the fans didn’t back off, an anxiety/panic attack could happen. (there are already a few cases of this happening, one being in the sydney airport.)

“oscars and emmys and grammys, everyone here is a trophy” - saying that a person is a trophy doesn’t say very good things about that person. a lot of celebrities can be objectified by their fans, but be glorified objects. hence, a trophy. brendon could also be saying that people are often reduced to the trophies that they have won and aren’t considered human. either way, the overall idea of this phrase is not very positive.

“hallucinations only mean that your brain is on fire; if it’s lord of the flies in my mind tonight i don’t know if i will survive” - lord of the flies is about a group of boys who get marooned on an island and go insane. they initially try to keep some sort of order, but ultimately sink into chaos. at one point, some of the boys set fire to the forest to try and smoke out another one of the boys. this is most likely the part that brendon was referring to. it’s like his brain is the forest. he’s saying that he tries to keep his head and thoughts in order (lord of the flies in my mind), but it eventually sinks into chaos and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to survive.

“lighters up if you’re feeling me” - lighters are used at shows, often to show support/approval for a musician. the ‘if you’re feeling me’ would probably refer to the approval part. something interesting, though, is that during live performances of northern downpour, the band would ask everyone to specifically put their lighters up.

“fade to black if you’re not mine” - if you’ve seen the overture, or the video that was released to help tease fans for the release of vices & virtues, there is a bar scene. there’s one scene where there are two shadows in the foreground. they’re supposed to represent ryan ross and jon walker. i’m not saying that this is what brendon meant, but it’s possible.

“i just need a sign or a signal inside” - he’s just feeling hopeless and empty at this point, waiting for something to prove that he’s human, maybe. there’s a parallel in always from vices & virtues: ‘blink back to let me know that i’m skin and bone.’

6. dancing’s not a crime

“i’m still uninvited” - brendon has said that this song is about how he’s often the ‘obnoxious friend who’s always dancing in public,’ which, let’s be honest, isn’t a great title. he’s uninvited because he is that friend, but the ‘still’ is important to note. it implies that he hasn’t been invited in a while, which... hurts.

“i’m going insane and i don’t care” - he’s just become numb to everything. he could be literally going insane, or he could be feeling like he’s going insane because of various drugs that he could have taken.

“if you’re night crawling with him i won’t take it lying down” “don’t call me saint california if you’re at another altar” - both of these sound like brendon’s s/o is cheating on him, but... he’s happily married?

7. one of the drunks

this song is, rather obviously, about drinking. it also sounds incredibly disorienting.

“welcome to the club” - this phrase is often used to welcome people to a group, and is also sarcastically used to welcome people to a really shitty part of life.

“orange juice, pour out half the carton; gray goose, pour it, get it started” - these two are the ingredients for a cocktail called a screwdriver: half orange juice, half vodka, or gray goose, in this case. the thing that catches my attention is the fact that you’re pouring out half the orange juice carton. this is half the drink. you would have to use enough vodka to fill in the other half of the carton. if you said that the carton was maybe a liter big, you’d be drinking half a liter of extremely strong alcohol. and since it’s mixed with orange juice, you’d probably just drink more alcohol than you originally thought. this is... a lot of drinking.

“good times remedy your sorrows” - he’s saying that good times cure your problems, what you’re stressing about.

“baptize” - to baptize can be to clean yourself of all your sins. a lot of people resort to drinking to try and forget their sorrows, to drown them. this could be considered an incredibly twisted form of baptizing.

“don’t worry about tomorrow” - this might refer to the hangover that you would definitely have the next day. it is also, needless to say, extremely shitty advice. however, if someone were to follow it, they would find themselves blackout drunk, depending on how bad their issues might be.

“every weekend with your friends, every weekday when it ends” - every weekend with your friends is a bit... excessive, but normal for some people. it’s with your friends, so you’re having fun. however, ‘every weekday when it ends...’ i assume ‘it’ is the weekend. in which case, he’s saying that he’s partying every weekday, and since it says nothing about friends, he’s probably just drinking and partying on his own. which is a new level of yikes.

“it’s all good, i guess” - if the ‘i guess’ wasn’t in there, it would be fine. you’d be able to tell that he’s having fun, it’s all good. the addition of ‘i guess,’ just adds in a lot of doubt. is he not having a good time? this part also sorta sounds slurred.

“searching for a new high, high as the sun, uncomfortably numb” - he’s high, but wants to be higher, hence the ‘high as the sun.’ this might be because of being uncomfortably numb: a high is known to give you a bit of a buzz. maybe he’s just looking for that buzz, and consequently getting higher and higher.

“never dry, every day you’re thirsty” - in this case, i assume ‘dry’ means alcohol running out. being thirsty every day probably means the cravings for alcohol, which only serves to bring into the light how bad this person’s possible addiction is.

“bourbon high, sip it till you’re tipsy” - only sipping until you’re tipsy probably means you’re going to be drinking more. a lot more.

“night’s young, searching for a feeling” - there’s that numbness again. drinking a lot can help mute your feelings. the fact that it’s not too far into the night says a lot about how much this person drinks.

“round and round and round” - he could be talking about a round of drinks, or the fact that the room can feel like it’s spinning when you’ve had too much to drink. this part just sounds dizzying in itself.

8. the overpass

this song sounds like two people who are just pining for each other.

“let me hear you say something” - these two people haven’t talked in a while, or it’s been a long one-sided conversation.

“sorry to get sentimental tonight (that perfume lingers in your hair), it’s just that everything reminds me of things i thought i shouldn’t have to see again” - it sounds like he’s been having a good time, but the smell of *that* perfume just reminds him of something he thought he’d never had to think of again. brendon sounds like he’s apologizing for ruining the good times they’d been having.

“(you need me don’t you)” - this could have two ways of being read: ‘you need me.’ and ‘you need me... right?’

“meet me, meet me, at the overpass, the overpass; sketchy girls and lipstick boys; troubled love and high speed noise” - an overpass is a place where a lot of people would do things that are pretty sketchy and probably borderline illegal. the phrase ‘sketchy girls and lipstick boys’ just serves to cement that image, and ‘high speed noise’ would probably be referring to the cars or trains that would be passing by nearby.

“i know you wanna meet me, meet me at the overpass” “i have a shirt that keeps your smell, you keep one too in parallel” - it sounds like both of them are pining for each other, but chose not to do anything about it, or can’t.

“but i remember every time; every thing about you is perfect, down to your blood type; but i remember every time” - he sounds drunk in this, and the background vocals are mixed together, which just heightens that. the blood type comment is a bit creepy, and honestly sounds like one that you’d only make while drunk.

9. king of the clouds

brendon was high while writing this, and it’s possible that he was rambling a bit. however, the final lyrics are the edited version. he had to have revised the lyrics many times to get them to rhyme and to fit into the music. even then, the gist of the lyrics is that the narrator of the song needs to get high in order to escape from the world, and all that’s in it. it seems to be centered around insomnia and dissociating, and that is honestly sort of scary in itself.

“every day, i’m carl sagan in space to escape this old world, this old world” - carl sagan was an astronomer, along with a few other things, and his most famous work had to do with being the first to send physical messages into space that extraterrestrials would be able to translate. being in space means that there’s no sound, and all in all you would be incredibly isolated from the rest of humanity. brendon is escaping from this world, and he’s calling it old. from that, you can assume that he’s tired of this world. in hey look ma, he said that ‘this world is full of demons.’ another way of looking at this could be by considering ‘old world’ as africa, europe, and asia. ‘old-world’ can also be a way to say ‘old fashioned.’ so he could be thinking that he’s in ‘space’ to escape the old fashioned ways of thinking (homophobia, etc).

“some days i lie wide awake till the sun hits my face and i fade, elevate from the earth” - the lying awake part is probably about insomnia. this happens to people with anxiety a lot; probably has something to do with brendon and his thoughts keeping him up until sunrise. second part: brendon was, as stated before, high while writing this. to fade is another way of saying to get high, and to ‘elevate’ helps with that imagery as well.

“far away to a place where i’m free from this weight” - far away probably means to space, which in turn is probably getting high. this weight is probably gravity, which probably symbolizes his thoughts and stress. so, in short, brendon could be saying that he gets high to get away from his stress for a little while.

10. old fashioned

“from a kiss to a swill” - a swill can be a large mouthful of drink, such as ale. again, alcohol. this probably means that brendon and some other person kissed and drank.

“we were swallowin’ the nights like we had nine lives” - acting like they would stay young forever, partying a lot during the nights?

“seventeen so gone” - brendon was seventeen when he first joined the band.

“we were borderline kids with a book of disorders, medicating every day to keep the straightness in order” - brendon’s probably referring to the medication he used to be on that dealth with his adhd and anxiety. keeping the straightness in order probably refers to keeping his mental disorders in order.

“so pour out some liquor, make it an old-fashioned” “two dashes of the bitters, add some ice and you pour” - these lyrics reference how to make a drink called an old-fashioned. an old-fashioned is a ‘cocktail made by muddling sugar with bitters, then adding alcohol… and finally a twist of citrus rind.’ again, the theme of drinking comes back.

11. dying in la

“the sun was in your eyes” - this could be referring to two things: the first being that the california sun can be extremely bright and blinding, and this could just be a way of saying that there is a sense of awe (‘you couldn’t believe it’). this could also be referring to the idiom ‘having the sun in your eyes.’ it means to be drunk. this person could be literally drunk, which wouldn’t be surprising, given the context of this album, or they could be drunk on the possibilities now that they are in la. however, i’m not sure if this is an actual idiom that people have heard and use often.

“riches all around; you’re walking, stars are on the ground; you start to believe it” - the hollywood walk of fame is located in la, and has the names of famous celebrities in stars that are embedded in the ground, as a monument to their contributions to the entertainment industry. these lyrics could mean that, surrounded by riches and seeing the names of celebrities, the narrator of this song started to believe in their own success.

“every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you” - this is most likely referring to the hollywood boulevard, a place where all kinds of people, including ‘dreamers,’ flock to.

“nobody knows you now when you’re dying in la; and nobody owes you now when you’re dying in la” - this could be interpreted as the narrator knowing no one while in la.

“nights at the chateau, trapped in your sunset bungalow; you couldn’t escape it” - this is most likely about the chateau marmont, located on sunset boulevard, in west hollywood. even the cheapest rooms are rather expensive, and the bungalows are amongst the higher end of the spectrum. the not being able to escape could be about not being able to escape how much money you have, if that’s understandable. the more money you have, the more media is going to be on your back about things, because that’s how this world works.

“drink of paradise” - this could be referring to alcohol, as it can help people forget their worries. hence, ‘paradise.’ a paradise is also a cocktail. yet again, the theme of drinking returns.

overall, this album is… quite a bit darker than i first imagined. thank you for reading all the way through if you did, and feel free to add on, whether it be other lyrics, or your opinion on the same lyrics.

[nataliesewell]

monster prom pop quiz results

I was bored, so I decided to try and record all the questions and answers in Monster Prom’s Stupidest Pop Quiz Ever(tm). It’s really likely I haven’t found them all, so I’ll come back and add to this from time to time.

The pop quiz consists of three questions; the first two go towards determining your highest stats at the beginning of the game, while the third chooses your possible prom date (this isn’t set in stone; you can still try to pursue a different character in the actual game). The order of the questions is randomized.

Other links: Vera Walkthrough

You can find the questions and their results under the cut!

stat questions

What is your spirit emoji?

a. Caucasian guy with a turban because fuck stereotypes. +CREATIVITY

b. Octopus emoji. Best animal on Earth. I know 5 mixed drinks, 3 drug cocktails, and 17 sex positions that involve one or several octupi. +FUN

c. Snowman, because that motherfucker is in the middle of a blizzard and he’s fuckin’ smiling. He doesn’t give a fuck about blizzards. And he has a kickass hat. +BOLD

It’s your chance to fix global warming. Go ahead!

a. Global warming isn’t real. I invented it, and now science is claiming authorship because science is a lame copycat with no original ideas. +CREATIVITY

b. Nah, the world is doomed. But I’ll start investing in ships and start a profitable business for the “soon to be covered by water” world. +WEALTH

c. It’s time to be a real hero: I’ll lead a mission to the sun in order to... invite the sun to the party of its life! We’ll have so many hilarious misadventures that the sun will eventually become... cooler. ;) +FUN

Be a visionary: what will the next big social media craze be?

a. Bull$hit: it’s Facebook, but each time someone shares news that isn’t supported by real facts, they’re taxed, and the money goes to the people exposed to that bullshit. +WEALTH

b. Greek Agoras: like literal Greek agoras re-instated in our cities. Places where philosophy and arts are discussed by the greater minds. That’s the social media I want to log into! +SMARTS

c. Rbert: from now on, a socially awkward guy named Robert will do everything he’s commanded to do through the app by its users! +CHARM

You wish you were raised by...

a. A mysterious old man who saved me from the streets in order to raise me as his disciple in the ancient ways of rad DJing! +FUN

b. A pack of wild wolves... who also happens to be tech moguls who own some of the most profitable companies of Silicon Valley. They would be kick-ass role models AND wild wolves! Sick! +WEALTH

c. A really progressive marriage between a kick-ass venomous snake and... actual fire. I love fire and I see no issue with being raised by it. +BOLD

You build a 100ft statue commemorating an event so that in 1000 years archaeologists can learn something about the people of our time. What does the statue represent?

a. That glorious instant when your friend stopped you from texting embarrassing stuff to your ex while hella drunk. +FUN

b. That mind-blowing twist in your favourite TV show that clearly changed the life of everyone forever, unlike all that boring stuff they show on the news. +CREATIVITY

c. Your least favourite political figure... being devoured by rabid rhinoceri... which are also covered in badass tattoos. +BOLD

Which is the coolest mythological creature?

a. The invisible hand of the free market. +WEALTH

b. A sphinx... who’s super turnt up and ready to party! And she raps all her riddles (she still kills you if you don’t answer them correctly... but she raps the riddles)! +FUN

c. This weird creature I drew when I was six and which is clearly super derivative from other mythological creatures... but it’s super cool and it’s my OC and my spirit animal, okay? +CREATIVITY

You’re elected president for a day. What’s the first law you pass?

a. You can deduct taxes by writing sonnets instead. Amount of taxes deducted are calculated based on the beauty of the sonnets. +CREATIVITY

b. Trivia fact: presidents don’t pass laws... so is this a trick question or are you just being an idiot? +SMARTS

c. One dollar bills will now include a picture of me and the inscription “Beware: Too Much Awesomeness.” My presidency might last a day, but my fame will last forever! +CHARM

A radioactive possum just bit you... what superpowers did you get?

a. The superpower of always choosing the right combination of emojis to get the desired reaction from all people: seducing my loved ones, burning my enemies, settling an argument, and even conveying complex emotional thoughts. +CHARM

b. Uh, probably rabies? I’d go to a hospital immediately. +SMARTS

c. The incredible power of writing fanfiction so compelling that the actual creators of the TV shows decide to go with my ideas and crazy ships. +CREATIVITY

School is outdated and lame. We need a new school subject asap!

a. Critical thought. I mean... damn, this country could really use a subject like that in schools. +SMARTS

b. Turning people into your puppets through emotional warfare and deception 101. +CHARM

c. How to correctly punch a crocodile without terrible consequences. +BOLD

If you had to have sex with animal... which animal would it be?

(You don’t get six answers; the three answers you get are randomized.)

a. A great white shark. I have to fuck an animal, let’s at least make it a story worth telling! +CHARM

b. A swan. They’re classy. Plus it reminds me of that myth of Leda and the Swan, so at least by bestiality standards it has a certain chic appeal. +CREATIVITY

c. A human being, because I’m the kind of douchebag who loves to find loopholes in stupid questions like this one. +SMARTS

d. A purebred horse. At least I can keep his semen and sell it. It’s worth a lot! Who said there was no silver lining to bestiality? +WEALTH

e. A dolphin. They’re the only other animal that fucks just for pleasure, so at least we can both do our best to have a good time, right? +FUN

f. No on can make me fuck an animal. If I fucked an animal, it’d be of my own free will. As a matter of fact, I already have fucked an animal, so the joke’s on you, pal. +BOLD

The coolest reality show would be...

a. Twelve experts on the various arts of seduction live in a house where they must face a common challenge: seducing a potato into marriage... somehow. +CHARM

b. Eight rich people fight in weekly challenges to see who’s the best at giving money to you. +WEALTH

c. People in various positions of power must face all sorts of questions relevant to their field, and if they fail, they lose their jobs... and society wins. +SMARTS

You get the chance to produce a movie. It’s based on...

a. The most influential Russian novelists of the XIX century... have gone nuts! They don’t remember anything about last night and now they can’t find the manuscript of The Brothers Karamazov; and Dostoyevsky has to deliver it TODAY! +FUN

b. Two cool guys walking away from rad explosions. And they don’t look at the explosions. THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE EXPLOSIONS! They reflect on life and love... AND IT IS SUPER DOPE AND KICK-ASS BECAUSE THEY DO SO WALKING AWAY FROM NEVER-ENDING EXPLOSIONS! +BOLD

c. Something about superheroes, but with a love triangle between a beauty yet somehow relatable girl (maybe she’s always stating she’s a mess?) and two of the super hot superheroes, which are also like vampires or pirates or both. Instant hit! +WEALTH

Democracy is just broken. What would be the best way of choosing the leaders of modern society?

a. Whoever can play the most heartbreaking violin solo wins. +CREATIVITY

b. You put all the candidates in an empty room... with a wild grizzly bear. Whoever kills the bear should be our president. If everyone dies, then it’s obvious: the bear should be our president. +BOLD

c. We create a reality show called “America’s Next Top President” where the candidates compete in all kinds of physical and mental challenges. Voter turnout would increase and we would turn a profit on it! +FUN

If you could put a curse on your worst enemy, what would it do?

a. I’d curse them to fall in love with a wonderful person and be happily married before they realize that all this time... their partner was a wild panther in disguise! Then the panther viciously devours my enemy. Classic! +BOLD

b. The curse of always meeting obnoxious people at parties who are super into new fad diets that feel the need to explain them in detail. +CHARM

c. You can’t rely on the effectiveness of a curse. I prefer to take care of my enemies the old-fashioned way: by exposing them to unsafe doses of radiation over the course of several years. +SMARTS

What would be the coolest prize you could find in your box of cereal?

a. A tiny piece of sharp metal, so every scoop will be full of thrill and danger! +BOLD

b. The phone number of the sexy tiger on the front of the box. He’s so passionate about breakfast and health that he’s surely also a grrreat lover. +CHARM

c. A sample of a more nutritious breakfast option, so people are encouraged to stop eating that colorful crap. +SMARTS

What inanimate object do you think would make the best girlfriend or boyfriend, provided you went criminally insane?

a. A human-size pillow depicting a character created by myself. As a matter of fact, I have all the needed paperwork and I’m only waiting for the conservative narrow-minded laws of our country to finally step forward into waifu and husbando territory, as was clearly intended by God. +CREATIVITY

b. A dildo, duh. +FUN

c. An ATM. Sugar baby life, here I come! +WEALTH

Which god do you pray to each night before sleeping?

a. Praying is kind of lame. I have a group text set up with some deities: Dionysus, Bastet, Loki... coolest cats in town. +CHARM

b. Praying is for fools. I took some compromising pics of a god molesting a tree, and now I blackmail him for whatever I want. A lot more effective. +SMARTS

c. Oh, I pray to all kinds of gods. I have this business where people pay me to deliver their prayers every night. I’ve even started to look for a Chinese factory to outsource the prayers. +WEALTH

prom date questions

What is the sexiest type of knowledge a lover can have?

a. How to set stuff on fire. ❤️DAMIEN

b. All the principles to build a financial empire. ❤️VERA

c. Lyrics to all Disney songs. ❤️MIRANDA

d. Obscure 80s movie trivia. ❤️LIAM

e. Sports things. ❤️SCOTT

f. How to make a killer cocktail out of anything. ❤️POLLY

Your partner just gave you a cool gift for your anniversary but you totally forgot! Quick, come up with an idea for a great gift!

a. The head of their fiercest enemy. ❤️VERA

b. A silly toy that makes silly noises. ❤️SCOTT

c. The abstract concept of gratefulness. ❤️LIAM

d. A pony. Always a pony. ❤️MIRANDA

e. Anything on fire. Or a weapon. No, no: a weapon on fire. ❤️DAMIEN

f. Anything capable of leading them to an overdose of some sorts. ❤️POLLY

What would be a deal-breaker for a potential lover?

a. The person lacks taste. ❤️LIAM

b. The person is mediocre. ❤️VERA

c. The person is a coward. ❤️DAMIEN

d. The person is boring. ❤️POLLY

e. The person hates the outdoors. ❤️SCOTT 

f. The person lacks manners. ❤️MIRANDA

What would be a killer accessory?

a. Sunglasses... at night. ❤️POLLY

b. A fabulous purse made from the skin of your worst enemy. ❤️VERA

c. Coolness itself. ❤️LIAM

d. Fancy brass knuckles. ❤️DAMIEN

e. A necklace with your own name... in case you forget! ❤️SCOTT

f. Shiny armor. ❤️MIRANDA

The world will end tomorrow... What will you do today?

a. Nobody ends the world but me! I’ll end the world today. ❤️DAMIEN

b. It’s okay! We invented the apocalypse to take care of the overpopulation of commoners. ❤️MIRANDA

c. I’ll finish my novel... whoever comes after the end should know my legacy! ❤️LIAM

d. 100 push-ups... no, no 200 push-ups! ❤️SCOTT

e. They always tell you the world is ending... I’ll profit on other people’s hysteria. ❤️VERA

f. I always party as if there were no tomorrow... so who cares? ❤️POLLY

Which criteria would you use to name your children?

a. Meh... no name? It’s just too much work! ❤️POLLY

b. I will research for a name that is pun-proof and joke-proof. No one will pick on them. ❤️VERA

c. A non-heteronormative name to give them freedom to define themselves on their own terms. ❤️LIAM

d. Just a swear word. ❤️DAMIEN

e. My name + “II” (the Second). ❤️MIRANDA

f. Something simple and friendly, like Bobby or Mary. ❤️SCOTT

If you were an ice cream... which flavour would you be?

a. Double creme de la Gruyere and meringues. ❤️LIAM

b. Spicy chocolate. No... chocolate on FIRE! ❤️DAMIEN

c. Success. ❤️VERA

d. Tequila and coke. ;) ❤️POLLY

e. Rainbows and gummy bears. ❤️MIRANDA

f. Meat! ❤️SCOTT

What would be your dream first date?

a. An art exhibition experimental enough to give you a seizure. ❤️LIAM

b. A sweaty and manly wrestling match. ❤️SCOTT

c. A professional meeting where you charm your date with some astonishing business advice! ❤️VERA

d. A wild party in international waters. ❤️POLLY

e. A lovely walk in the forest... after rescuing your date from a dragon! ❤️MIRANDA

f. Crimes. ❤️DAMIEN

You find a genie in a bottle. You can ask for whatever you want. What do you ask for?

a. A rainbow that you can eat! ❤️MIRANDA

b. I don’t ask for anything. I drink the genie from the bottle. I can grant my own wishes! ❤️DAMIEN

c. Before asking for anything, you try to negotiate up to the three standard wishes. ❤️VERA

d. Infinite confetti! ❤️POLLY

e. ...His friendship! ❤️SCOTT

f. Him to not be so cliched. Genies and wishes... so mainstream! ❤️LIAM

What would be the most appealing in a love partner?

a. A big... horn. ❤️DAMIEN

b. Sharp wits. ❤️LIAM

c. Kawaii eyes. ❤️MIRANDA

d. A very tsundere personality. ❤️VERA

e. Soft fur. ❤️SCOTT

f. A taste for party. ❤️POLLY

[ayearofpike]

The Immortal

Pocket Books, 1993 213 pages, 16 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-74510-7 LOC: CPB Box no. 705 vol. 16 OCLC: 27434465 Released July 1, 1993 (per B&N)

Did you ever take a vacation because your best friend insisted that you had to? Josie Goodwin is. At the suggestion (or maybe insistence) of her oldest compatriot Helen Demeter, her family is spending two weeks on Mykonos in the Greek isles. Helen’s there too, and she has a lot to show Josie from her trip the previous summer, not the least of which is a sacred island with a plateau that has a mythical connection to Apollo. What Josie doesn’t know is her own connection to Apollo. But Helen does, and it’s a connection that calls for no less than cold vengeance.

I have distinct memories of reading this book on a summer vacation road trip with my dad. But aside from the fate of the main character, I found that I didn’t actually remember that much about this story. Revisited in 2018, this is some Percy Jackson shit. Like, not to the point where Rick Riordan owes Pike some money, but it definitely doubles down on the sex among gods, mortals, and monsters. It’s fitting that I read this one while reading The Sea of Monsters to my kids, because I was already in the Greek gods mode for it. Although enough people have written about Greek myth in modern times that I can’t say anyone is directly ripping anyone else, necessarily. Maybe they just have the same muse.

So, all right, where do I jump in? The beginning is as good a place as any, I suppose. We’re on a plane with Josie and Helen (who, by the way, maybe couldn’t have a more Americanized Greek name) as it descends into Athens. They’re traveling with Josie’s dad, a once-hot screenwriter who is currently struggling, and his current flame, a failed alcoholic actress. Josie wakes up knowing they’re close, with a sense of almost being home. Which is weird, right, because she’s never been to Greece before. Foreshadowey! WOOOOOO

They have to cab to a smaller airport and hop another plane to the island of Mykonos, which is their final destination. Helen can’t warn the Goodwins about the rudeness of Greek people enough, but Josie finds them very pleasant. She wonders if maybe it’s this difference in attitude that makes boys who are initially attracted to Helen eventually want to be with her. Yep, Pike did it again with the accidentally-steal-yo-man girl, only at least Josie is honest with herself and admits that going out with her best friend’s ex makes her an asshole. Not that she’s going to stop. There’s one boy in particular she’s thinking of here, who went with Helen and then with her and then moved away and dropped off the face of the planet. Remember when you could do that, all the way back in the 1990s?

So they get to the hotel, drop their crap, and decide to go snorkeling at Paradise beach. They have to rent motor scooters to get there, but it turns out Helen has an ulterior motive for wanting to go so far away: a guy. Specifically, a British bartender named Tom, whom she met during her trip the previous summer. Of course Josie is instantly smitten, but she’s not immediately planning to steal Tom. They plan to go out later, the three of them and one of Tom’s friends, and then the girls get their snorkeling equipment and get in the water.

It’s when Josie pushes herself too hard that we learn a little more backstory. Seems she had a mysterious heart inflammation the previous summer while Helen was in Greece and almost died from it. The experience has made her appreciate life more, and so she really wants to tackle everything that comes her way. But her endurance is still not where it should be, and she’s been swimming for an hour. As she struggles to get back to shore, Tom plunges into the water (in his full bar uniform, no less) and pulls her in. Interesting that he was watching her swim while he was supposed to be at work, yes?

So they go back to the hotel and Josie grabs a nap, and then she decides to interact with her parentals. She argues with the girlfriend, who is drunk in the bar watching TV, and then finds her dad pecking on his laptop on his room’s balcony. Seems he’s been fighting with a science-fiction screenplay for about a year. Mr. Goodwin has never before had this hard a time unfolding a story; before, they always just came to him, but now he can’t figure out where to take it. He knows that there are humans in an interstellar war with aliens, and that the humans have captured one and are going to make her escort a single pilot on a suicide mission to blow up the alien homeworld, but he doesn’t really know why or what comes next. (I think the screenplay is supposed to have some parallel with the narrative, but it’s a pretty big stretch.) He’s interested in Josie’s ideas, and she tells him she’ll need to think on it.

Right now it’s time for her to meet Helen and the boys for dinner. She finds Helen at a restaurant in town, and they talk about their mutual attraction to Tom, and Helen says she won’t be upset if Tom prefers Josie only she is obviously lying. Tom shows up a little later with his roommate Pascal, a big French dude who works with handicapped kids most of the year but is spending his summer delivering vegetables to restaurants. In fact, he’s got a truck coming in on the late ferry, and he wants to take it for a ride with one of the girls — only (obviously) neither one wants to leave Tom to the other. So he takes off in the truck, and the other three go to a bar, where Helen drinks too much and pukes on Tom’s shoes, so that’s over. Josie takes her home, they fall asleep, and Josie dreams of being a goddess suffused in radiant blue light. When she wakes up she’s totally fine and feeling great, even though she drank at least two bottles of wine and should be a little hungover. Did the light save her from the booze?

Of course, being totally sick doesn’t keep Helen from having an agenda. She wakes everyone up the next day (even Josie’s parentals) and makes them take a boat to the island of Delos. It’s a sacred holy site, which Josie learns about by reading along the way: supposedly it’s the birthplace of Apollo and Artemis, fathered by Zeus and borne by the titan Leto (which I had to look up because I was confusing her with Leda) on an island that was not fixed in place, as Hera had banned Leto from giving birth on terra firma. The mythology of the place made it an important site of worship, even though nobody could live there, and today it is essentially a museum full of excavated ruins. Josie’s dad’s girlfriend thinks it’s junky, of course.

But what Helen most wants Josie to see is the top of Mount Kynthos, where Apollo was supposely born. And it’s true, the sun does feel stronger and more intense up there, and Josie senses a connection to something greater than herself. Helen knows it, and she sprinkles in a little more backstory by saying that when she got out of the hospital she knew that this was a place she had to come, for some reason. We learn that Helen tried to kill herself, not long before Josie had her heart ailment, but we don’t really learn how or why. Josie wonders if the boyfriend they shared was an impetus, but she sure as hell doesn’t ask any more questions about it. Still, they both share that getting so close to death has provided them with a new understanding of what they should do with life. Still, we start to wonder about their friendship. How close are they actually? Do they even still like each other?

Josie doesn’t help matters by immediately going to see Tom at the beach when they get back from Delos. They try to figure out how to get together without upsetting Helen, and don’t come up with much other than everybody hanging out again. After a swim and a stint of topless sunbathing, she goes back to the hotel, where she tells her dad that the suicide pilot in his script has something to live for and then puts off Helen’s attempt to go get dinner, as she needs to wait for her sneaky plan to happen. She dreams of a secret altar to Apollo, where she prays for insight and information to pass along to humans, and then she and Helen go to the same restaurant as the night before, where Tom and Pascal just happen to show up. Only Pascal’s fumbling English gives away that it was all planned, and Helen storms off, but not before revealing to Josie that the reason their mutual boyfriend hasn’t been in touch is because he died at the end of last summer. Helen has known this all along, but she has obviously kept it from Josie out of spite ... or something. I think here their friendship is officially ruined.

Josie and Tom try to salvage the evening by going out on the bay in a rowboat. While they’re out there, though, the temperamental summer winds kick up all of a sudden, and they lose their oar and can’t get it back. Tom jumps in the water to get it, but before he can get back the boat blows out to sea with Josie in it. All Josie can do is bail as it takes on water and pray that the wind stops before she sinks. And, like, literally as soon as she prays, the weather lets up and the water gets calm. She passes out in the boat and wakes up on a rocky beach, which she’s pretty sure is Delos. So she goes to try to find the archaeologists on the island, but before she can she discovers that the ruin is somehow a living city, and they welcome and worship her.

And suddenly we’re flung into a new myth, one of Pike’s own making. We learn about the muse Sryope and her best friend Phthia, granddaughter of Zeus. They are both in love with Aeneas, half-blood son of Aphrodite, and Phthia seduces him and gets him to swear an oath of fidelity before she goes back to fucking around. This pisses Sryope off, and she figures out how to get Phthia to forgive the vow: a story contest. If Sryope wins, Phthia will release Aeneas; if Phthia wins, Sryope will never tell anyone that her father is Alecto, one of the Furies that guards the underworld. Yeah, I know, and so does Pike — Furies in myth are traditionally portrayed as female, but there’s some shape-shifter tales throughout fiction.  Of course Sryope basically goes back on her word immediately, telling a story of a Fury who impregnates a goddess by impersonating a handsome warrior and begats (?) a daughter, just changing the names like that hides anything. Of course Phthia gets pissed and yells at Sryope, then takes off without telling her story, never to be seen again until Alecto finds her dead and floating in the river Styx. Upon which he (she?) arrests (?) Sryope on suspicion of murder.

This is where Josie wakes up with the sunrise in the ruins of Delos. There’s a tiny marble statue of a goddess next to her, which she recognizes as Sryope, so she pockets it, but then she realizes she’s going to get in trouble if she’s found there. She gets out, hides among the tourists, and takes the first boat back to Mykonos, where her father and his girlfriend are anxiously talking to the police on the dock. Seems Tom made it back to shore and warned everyone that Josie was missing, and now that she’s back they call off the search and get everyone ready for a celebratory barbecue at the hotel. But first she tells Tom what happened, and shows him the statue, which has since the morning become flecked with clear crystal somehow. He’s not sure he believes her, but he does promise to stay with her and protect her from any more weirdness.

The girlfriend runs the barbecue, maybe out of guilt of not being more ... motherly? I don’t know. Is that really the responsibility of a thirty-something woman whose boyfriend has an eighteen-year-old daughter? I know, cultural expectations and all that bullshit. But Helen helps make the burgers, and Josie asks for two but can’t finish the first so Tom eats the other one. While she’s eating, Josie talks to her dad some more about his script, and suggests that the pilot plants the bomb on the planet but that the alien is struggling to tell him something that she’s been programmed against. Then Josie goes to bed and  dreams about Sryope’s trial, where she is twisted into lying about knowing Phthia’s parentage and discusses how she shares stories and ideas with mortals, in particular a certain screenwriter and his daughter.

Josie wakes up feeling like crap. The statue is still there, but now it’s totally clear, with a red swirl in the center. She tries to call Tom, but Pascal says he’s too sick to answer the phone. She’s starting to worry about all of it, so she finds her way over to his house and realizes he needs to see a doctor. At the health center, Josie collapses in the waiting room and sees more of the trial, where Minos (the underworld judge) shows Sryope forcing the daughter’s best friend to drink poison, and then sees herself forcing the spirit of Phthia into the best friend’s dying body. Sryope realizes that it’s Alecto impersonating her, but there’s no way to provide a realistic motive without going back on her lies about Phthia and Alecto. So she accepts her punishment, which is to give up her immortality and take the place of the dying spirit in the screenwriter’s daughter.

Josie wakes up with her family around her. She asks to talk to Helen alone, because by now they both know the story. Helen tells Josie that she put ground glass in her hamburgers, and there’s no way to get it out of her system. I don’t know if that’s how it works ... isn’t finely ground glass essentially sand? Snopes says this isn’t inherently fatal, but we didn’t have the Internet in 1993 and so it scared the piss out of me at the time. Helen isn’t really upset about Tom being collateral damage, either, because he treated her wrong. She’s taken a similar revenge on their dead mutual ex, in fact. She tells Josie that this was her plot, abetted by Alecto, and all she has to do to live forever is to sacrifice somebody to the Furies — in this case, Pascal — on the summit of Mount Kynthos.

So with no hope for themselves, there’s no reason to go to the mainland hospital, but there’s still time to save Pascal. Before she goes, Josie leaves a note for her dad that tells him the planet is actually Earth, and the aliens are what humans would have become if they stayed. Then she rouses Tom out of bed and tells him about Helen’s plan, and they sneak out of the health center. They grab Pascal’s gun from the apartment, then steal a boat and rip over to Delos.

He’s already bewitched and is ready to obey Helen. There’s no other option. Josie tries to shoot her but the gun doesn’t go off. Tom (the stupid idiot who thinks he knows better than killing) knocks the gun out of Josie’s hand, and Pascal grabs it. Helen tells him to put it in his mouth and pull the trigger, which he does — but it still doesn’t go off. Josie realizes the safety must be on, but Pascal doesn’t. The gun in his mouth is enough to break his hypnosis, and he faints. Helen doesn’t realize about the safety either (I guess she thinks the gun is busted) so she pulls out a giant knife and literally lifts Tom off his feet, telling Josie she wants her to watch him suffer before she dies too.

But Josie has one more trick up her sleeve: her camera, which is in the pocket of the windbreaker she’s wearing. If she can get one good shot, maybe the flash will distract Helen enough that she can grab the gun and kill her before she kills Tom. And it’s a good shot. So good, in fact, that it lights up the entire island as though from the sun. Helen is momentarily blinded and drops the boy, and Josie has enough light to find the gun, flick the safety off, and fire six shots into Helen’s chest.

So Pascal is now safe, but Josie’s still dying, right? And Tom? Hang on a second. Josie realizes that the red in the little statuette is blood. Her godly blood. In fact, when she takes it out of her pocket, the head has turned into essentially a flip-cap. But there’s only enough for one person, so guess what. Yep, she makes Tom drink it, and once again Pike has killed off the first-person protagonist. Really — he’s done it in literally every single (YA) story written from 1PP so far. I’d say to start expecting it, only the next major one from this perspective is The Last Vampire, so ... but maybe he’s counting that as dead?

Our epilogue finds Sryope at the top of Mount Kynthos, conversing with Apollo, who she has only now realized is her own father. He is interested to know what she’s learned from her time on Earth, and as they arise into the sun she begins the tale of a girl on a plane to Greece.

And hereby we close The Immortal. I have to say I’m not mad at it. The agency of the girls and goddesses is useful, and it certainly does more with the kinky Greek myth sex than anything teachers will let you read. The parallel of the higher being dying after fulfilling an important informational mission between the narrative and the dad’s screenplay is super-thin, and I could have done without that, but Josie and Helen are kind of badasses who don’t apologize for their desires, and I’m glad. I’m also glad that this re-read gave me the thought to check on that ground-glass thing, which makes me more OK with hamburgers. 

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

How to Write a (Healthy) Relationship:  An Illustrated Guide.

@trappedinfairytales asked:

Hi! Let me start by saying this blog is a god send for more than just writing skills, I even turned on your notifications 😂 Anyway, I apologize if you've already done a post like this, but I was wondering if you could do a post with different kinds of healthy relationships? I feel like it would help, because even though I am a bi girl, I've never been in a relationship so sometimes I don't know where to start 🙈 

@magnificentcollectiverebel asked:

Bro bro I'm trying to write a cute lil romance do you have any tips please I didn't realize writing needs so much planning also thank you for all the tips on characters both of my love interests are girls the tips help

Excellent questions! 

Now, there has been a request for me to make a post about LGBTQ characters, so I will talk more exclusively about queer relationships then; sufficed to say this post applies to all types of healthy relationships.  Even though you could say I’m BI-ased on the matter.  (I’ll see myself out.)  

In the meantime, here are my personal rules of thumb for writing a ship-worthy romance. 

1.  Allow opposites to attract (but do it right!)

No, I’m not talking about two characters who have no common ground or core values;  I’m talking about two characters whose traits compliment one another.  

Maybe one’s analytical and the other’s impulse driven.  Maybe one’s a happy ray of sunshine and the other’s a grump.  Maybe one’s an idealist and the other’s a realist.

Do you see pattern here?  Not only do these proposed pairings balance each other out, but their mutually beneficial to each other:  an impulse-driven character will add spontaneity to the life of their analytical partner, while the analytical character will keep the impulsive one from leaping off cliffs;  the happy ray of sunshine will brighten up the life of the grump, while the grump will keep the ray of sunshine aware of life’s problems;  the realist will keep the idealist weighted in reality while the idealist will help them to get off the ground.

Moreover, as each of them has something the other lacks and needs, it creates a natural magnetism between them.  

Just think of it like the old Greek myth, in which mankind was split in two by Zeus and each of them are searching for their other half to become their best selves.  

In terms of writing romance, pretend your two characters are two halves of a greater whole, and allow them to complete each other.

2.  Create chemistry and attraction (but remember that it does not immediately equal love.)

If I had to pinpoint the source of my frustration with the depictions of attraction in literature, particularly YA romantic novels, I would say it roughly narrows down to the fact that the attraction, as it’s depicted, is largely extremely vapid and hollow. 

Two characters that hate each other are not going to have true chemistry or be compatible for a long-term relationship, even if one of them is equipped with excessive depictions of eye-color and can smirk like a champ.

To create true chemistry, the readers have to crave the characters’ interactions;  they have to root for them to get together, not role their eyes when they finally do.

So how do you do this?  Well, first and foremost, there are different and better ways to convey attraction than the tried and true “cerulean orbs” and obnoxious smirks and whatnot.

First and foremost, save strong, sensual language, like “she leaned in close, and I tasted her breath on mine,” “My heart thudded painfully in my chest as I felt her body press against mine,” et cetera for when your characters are actually in an intense situation.  That way, your audience isn’t desensitized to it and are more likely to root for your characters when they finally shack up.

When your characters first meet, keep the language light and playful.  Unless you’re doing a modern, queer reenactment of Romeo and Juliet (which sounds pretty awesome, honestly -- so long as the ending is happier) most people aren’t righting sonnets about people they first meet.

Let your POV character check out her prospective partner if you so desire, but press hold on the purple prose.  

For instance, instead of something like this:

“Long lashes fluttered like the wings of the butterfly over peridot orbs, a faint gold dusting over the graceful slope of her nose.  Red lips as ripe as strawberries glistened in the sun, and a waterfall of gilded hair fell over her slender shoulders.”

Try something more along the lines of this:    

“She had striking green eyes framed with long lashes, a smattering of freckles over the bridge of her nose.  Her hair was a thick mane of unkempt gold, and when she saw me, she smiled.  Her lips were plump and strawberry pink.”

If you’ll notice, both passages convey basically the same thing (i.e. that this narrator finds her prospective gal-pal attractive):  one is just significantly less pretentious than the other, and in my opinion, a lot more readable.

As the story continues, you’ll likely want to build up the tension as the character’s attraction to one another grows.  Maybe your character starts to get butterflies in their stomach whenever their love interest is around, or there’s a tension-filled moment where their skin brushes together.  Maybe they’ve found themselves constantly looking at one another’s lips and mouths.

Keep in mind while developing your characters’ chemistry into something greater that contrary to what most YA novels will teach you, attraction isn’t love.  Finding one another’s meatsuits aesthetically pleasing isn’t reasonable merit for a long-term commitment.  Love, generally speaking, is often just that:  it’s a commitment.  It takes time to cultivate, and it isn’t fun 100% of the time.  But people stick with it anyway, because ideally, the payoff is worth it.

And that’s a good thing.  As an author, you get to build up on your character’s relationship, challenge it, make it stronger.  And that’s a lot of fucking fun.  Plus, you get to write all the cute romantic shit in the times in between.

If you are implying love at first sight (which, sappy bitch I am, I’m a bit of a sucker for) feel free to imply as such, but I’m still inclined to think short, sweet descriptions work best:  “Their eyes met, and for a moment, Ishmael could have sworn the earth had come to a stop while the world kept moving.”  Or perhaps, “Luna looked at Misery for the first time, and knew right away this was the woman she was going to marry.” 

Now keep moving.  Too strong language too fast weighs your story down, keeps the reader from relating to it, and detracts from the satisfaction of when your characters finally end up together.     

3.  Let your characters’ relationship be built on friendship.  

The other day, I got lunch with my best friend and her new girlfriend.  A year or so ago, she’d gotten out of a really toxic relationship that she’d been in since I’d first known her.  

I’d thought she was happy (because at the time, I didn’t have anything else to compare it to) but seeing her with her new girl was like seeing the proverbial sunrise for the first time.  (Pardon the floral language.  Even I’m not totally exempt from purple prose.)

We laughed, we made jokes, we all checked out the hot waitress together.  Overall, it was just like spending time with two close friends -- just, y’know.  They happened to be in a romantic relationship with each other.  And that, let me tell you, makes all the difference in the world.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again:  all the sexual attraction in the world will not make up for the lack of a strong basis of mutual respect, affection, and camaraderie.  

Sorry to burst your bubble, authors of the mainstream publishing world:  even if they kiss in the rain till the cows come home, even if the music swells every time they make contact, even if it’s a love story for the ages, that means your characters actually have to be friends.

So ask yourself these questions:

Do your characters have any shared interests or hobbies?

Do they actively take interest in their partners’ hobbies?

Do they crack each other up, tell each other jokes?  Exchange playful jibes that aren’t pointed or hurtful?

Do they do the above more than they fight and bicker?

Would both your characters feel comfortable with their partner seeing them at their most comfortable (e.g. stuffing their faces with Nutella and watching bad reality shows)?

If so, would they join in?

If one partner feels hurt, neglected, or insecure, will the other partner take notice and attempt to comfort and reassure them?

Can they confide in each other?

Do they share the same goals, desires, and core values?

If you answered  ‘yes’ to most of these questions, congratulations:  your characters’ romance is more akin to Gomez and Morticia than most YA pairings today.  And believe me, that’s a good thing.

  4.  Make sure your characters are more or less equals.

She’s a ridiculously hot, intelligent, accomplished twenty-something.  He’s a an out-of-shape manchild in his thirties who makes lots of fart jokes and probably has a neck-beard.  

This pairing probably would raise quite a few eyebrows in real life, but it happens so much in movies and TV (particularly comedies) that no one even questions it.  Do I really need to remind you that the entertainment industry is largely male dominated?

This doesn’t always equate to characters being equal in conventional attractiveness:  movies such as Legally Blond and Hairspray, for example, both have adorable pairings featuring lovely plus-sized/chubby women and thinner, more conventionally attractive men.  Tucker and Dale vs. Evil consisted of a satisfying romance between a chubby, kindhearted hillbilly and a thin, conventionally hot girl.  Moreover, they don’t leave anything resembling the bad taste in my mouth that the aforementioned Manchild + Hot Girl trope does.    

But your characters will need to be more-or-less equals in terms of positive attributes.  Even if they differ significantly in conventional attractiveness or status, they’ll probably roughly even in out in terms of intelligence, good manners, kindness, conscientiousness, et cetera.  

It’s also best to avoid blaring power imbalances when writing healthy romances.  I’m inclined to avoid huge age differences (though there are instances where it can be healthy), and definitely avoid huge age differences where one of the characters is underage.    

Basically, if your pairing looks like they could belong in a Woody Allen movie, no dice.  (If you think I’m kidding, just look at his fifty-six-year-old self with a nineteen-year-old love interest in Husbands and Wives.)

Differences in wealth and status are also generally be okay, but be conscientious that they can easily become abusive if one person misuses their power (lookin’ at you, 50 Shades.)    

Last, and certainly not least, your characters will almost definitely need to be equals in terms of three-dimensionality.  No exceptions.    

Which brings me to my final point:

5.  Give your love interest purpose (outside of being a love interest.)

I’ve talked about this before, but why do you think there’s such a huge following for Kirk and Spock’s romance (besides that one episode where Spock gets super horny and the two of them role around in the sand for twenty minutes), when there are droves of female love interests for both?  

Why are Dean and Castiel AO3′s most popular pairing (besides the recurring prevalence of romantic tropes throughout their narrative), when the following for their more canonically established relationships are practically nonexistent?  

What about Holmes and Watson (besides the blaring case of queerbaiting in the BBC version, and the fact that Doyle’s Sherlock was rife with gay subtext), or Steve Rogers and Bucky and Barnes (besides the fact that the writers somehow find the possibility of making Steve a Nazi less offensive than having him love a man)?   

Internalized misogyny and fetishization of MLM by straight women is sometimes a factor.  But considering the popularity of these M/M pairings amongst queer women, I’m inclined to think its simply because these male main characters are simply the most interestingly written in their respective franchises. 

It also works the other way: why do you think everyone hates Kara and Mon El’s romance so much? Because Kara is a wonderfully developed, benevolent character (surrounded with equally developed, benevolent characters who would work much better as love interests, I might add) and Mon El is a callous, entitled jerk who only wants to become a hero to woo his prospective girlfriend. 

This is also why heterosexual pairings with equally well-developed characters have no problem at all finding followings.  Just look at Han and Leia, Mulder and Scully, Booth and Bones, Monica and Chandler -- both characters hold roughly an equal amount of weight in the narrative, so we give a fuck what happens to both of them. 

Healthy, well-balanced WLW romances with happy endings are difficult to find in media, but some of my favorite examples of ship-worthy pairings that fit this criteria are Korra and Asami from Legend of Korra, Willow and Kennedy from Buffy (even though I’ll never forgive them for what they did to Tara), Carol and Susan from Friends, and Alana and Margot from Hannibal.         

And of course, there’s these lovely ladies from Sense 8.

Bottom line is, make sure both your characters are important;  don’t follow the trend of meaningless, forced heterosexual romances in media in which one party could almost invariably be replaced with a sexy lamp or a dildo.

Make the love interest a hero in their own right, and the audience will root for them.

Best of luck, and happy writing!  <3 

[scrawnydutchman]

5 Comic Book Heroes I Despise

Have I made it clear that I like Superheroes on this blog yet? Because I can always make it clearer. Superheroes have been a centerpiece of my life for a long time, and honestly how could they not be? The modern day all american equivalent of Greek Myths have not only been hugely entertaining and exciting action, but they’ve also made their stay as some of the finest storytelling across multiple mediums. Some of the greatest stories of our time are within the superhero medium like Watchmen, All-Star Superman, The Killing Joke, The Death of Gwen Stacy, The Man Who Has Everything and so on. Of course the number one appeal of these stories is the heroes themselves. All the colorful characters that are arguably the most well developed in our culture, being that they have thousands of issues building themselves up. I’ve grown to love many from both DC and Marvel alike, and to a lesser extent other companies like Dark Horse. But some characters . . . some characters just continue to leave a bad impression on me for one reason or another. I don’t really mean their powers are lame, because a good writer can make even the silliest heroes badass, and I don’t mean how they look because honestly even if a design is undeniably bad it’s nothing a simple revamp can’t fix. I’m talking specifically about personality and reoccurring themes that the writers think are compelling but I just get horribly annoyed about.

Now I want to make ONE THING VERY CLEAR before we get into it. My experience with these characters comes largely from watching them on tv shows like Justice League Unlimited and Batman: Brave and the Bold and other stuff. The truth is, I’m not an avid comic book reader, so my opinion is VERY subjective and could easily be proven wrong by something demonstrated in the comics. Yeah, I’m very biased, but i might as well be honest about it. Take what I say with a grain of salt. And of course, if you like these characters, good for you. I’m a guy who thinks Superman Returns is a good movie, no need to take me so seriously. Enough stalling, let’s do this.

1. Star Girl

Yeah, you saw the intro picture so you knew this was coming. Might as well get this one out first. So my introduction to Star Girl (among many DC heroes) was Justice League Unlimited and she later received my attention in Batman: The Brave and the Bold. The above video where she teams up with Blue Beetle in BTBatB is a solid indication of why I dislike her so much. She’s a snarky, condescending, petty and honestly pretty self entitled princess who acts like she’s so much better than everyone else . . .but gets her ass kicked and needs help/saving in everything I’ve seen her in. In the above clip Mantis is ready to break her spine with one hand until BB saves her, and all she has to say in response is calling BB a knock-off (btw hypocritical much?). But honestly this doesn’t come CLOSE to topping the time in JLU where she directly disobeys Green Lanterns orders, gets her ass kicked as a result, Supergirl ends up dealing with her mess and than she gets all petty about Supergirl being popular in Japan. GOD she annoys me. I’ve never seen or heard of her doing anything cool, and in everything i see her in she contributes nothing of real substance.

2. Cyclops

So let’s talk about leader characters for a second. Leader characters can be difficult to get right in fiction because, well, to be honest leaders in real life can be a difficult person to really like. even though being bossy and over authoritative can be necessary in dire times, a lot of people take issue with that and associate people who take charge as self righteous buzzkills with no sense of fun or relatability. Because people who are evidently better than you are ALWAYS hard to relate to and thus you by default don’t really trust them. But some leaders you can’t really argue with. Captain America can be that guy (and he’s had bad moments in comics) but overall he tends more often than not to be in the right on any subject and a major part in how he leads is that he inspires good work, not insists on it. Cap is a prime example of a leader character done right. Cyclops is nothing like Cap. Why? Because not only is he a pompous self righteous asshole, unlike Cap he can’t even back up his own bravado. He insists everybody always pull it together and not do anything to jeopardize the mission but the MOMENT he loses something like, say, Jean Grey (which happens a lot, no secret about that), he has a complete mental breakdown and puts his own personal problems before everybody elses. Yes I know, he was her boyfriend and therefore the closest one to her, but the fact that he’s SO self centered he can’t even recognize how much the loss of Jean effects the rest of his team is just unbearable. Besides, considering how much he cheats on Jean throughout the comics anyway, it’s kind of a moot point that his pain is SOOO special.  And he’s SO entitled to the leadership and gets all jealous whenever another member takes charge. Asshole, you’ve proven you don’t have the emotional capacity to put your duty as leader first, why the hell would we give the position back to you? Storm for all intents and purposes is a better leader than cyclops. She takes charge whenever he’s being a fucking baby (which is a lot) and she ends up being SEVERAL times more competent. She also keeps him and Wolverine from butting heads all the time. And unlike him, she doesn’t let her personal issues get in the way of others. She’s claustrophobic, but she admits to it and doesn’t let it come before the welfare of her team. While Cyclops is self entitled to respect out the gate, Storm earns it without even asking.

Also, in terms of powers Cyclops is kind of useless when his brother Havok is around. He can control his optic blasts AND can shoot in more than one direction at once. Bottom line; Cyclops kinda sucks.

3. Captain Atom

Alright, so conceptually this guy is really cool. Nuclear man that can absorb and blast radiation? Alright, I’m down. But his execution more often than not is really either just a simple means to an end or a result of REALLY shitty decision making on his part. In the Flashpoint Paradox storyline he’s trapped and basically used as a nuke (and I’m pretty sure this isn’t the only time he’s been used like this). For a LONG time in the comics he’s been built up to be somebody who betrays the Justice League in a big grand way. In Justice League Unlimited he chooses his loyalty to the U.S. airforce over his loyalty to the Justice League and boxes Superman, despite the fact that he KNOWS CADMUS ILLEGALLY DETAINED AND TORTURED THE QUESTION FOR INFORMATION. Captain Atom: enabler of terrorist activity. How about in Superman/Batman: Public Enemies when he works for President Lex Luthor? This guy has a reputation for backing the wrong horse, don’t he? Also in Batman: TBATB he’s an arrogant douchebag who blatantly insults Batman for having no superpowers, goes through a whole story arc about what it truly means to be a hero . . and than learns absolutely nothing by the end of it. Yeah, I know, it’s supposed to be comedic, but the point I’m making is that this guy just always seems to make bad decisions or straight up turn evil. Anytime I see him and he’s NOT doing that he’s doing something of no real significance. 

4. Damian Wayne

Alright, so my earlier entries I can imagine a lot of people disagree with. But I think I can get at least a LITTLE sympathy for this one. Everytime I see this punk ass piece of shit kid I wanna deck him right in his arrogant self absorbed face. Now, let me be fair. This is a very difficult type of character to make likable. For one, child characters of any personality are notorious for becoming very annoying very quickly, for different reasons each. I think it’s largely due to the amount of attention they absorb and how a great deal of the viewing audience is inherently a lot more mature and thus can’t relate to them as much. A great deal of the time they take away from the drama of the situation rather than add to it. For another, Damian is deliberately meant to be a very stuck up, unapologetic and unforgiving, relentlessly violent kid. He grew up a bastard child raised by the league of assassins under the world’s most intense martial arts training, and so as a result he’s become almost sociopathic because he just can’t understand the outside world. He has an arc where he grows to respect his father, and that’s all well and good I suppose, but for me personally it’s not enough to distract from the fact that at the end of the day it’s like a 10 year old kid being the edgy badass. If there’s a way to make the “you can’t tell me what to do DAD” character likable I haven’t figured it out yet. Also, in the Injustice universe he betrays his own father for a maniacal Superman. Fuck him.

and now for my final entry . . . . brace yourselves, this is gonna be a hard one.

5. Batman

Oh yes. You bet your ass I went there. I can hear the fanboys rallying around my building now. But honestly, the extent of how defensive people get about this character is precisely why I’ve grown such a distaste for him. Now, I should state that “despise” might be too strong a word for my feelings on Batman. Conceptually I think he’s fine. He’s had great stories, good movies, good tv shows. Conceptually he’s totally fine to me. But this is a situation where hype has not only ruined the character for me by making the expectations too high for him to reach in my view, but it’s actively impeded on DC’s storytelling. Batman is too. damn. competent. Batman has a plan for everything. Batman can beat anyone he wants to. Batman can do no wrong. You can’t criticize him because he’s the GODDAMN BATMAN. This is the mentality that’s been surrounding the character for a long time and it’s gotten pretty old. The fact that he’s done so much amazing feats renders everything supposedly relatable about him completely moot. Being a human with no superpowers doesn’t mean anything when he can accomplish things no average human could possibly do anyways. a master in every form of martial arts? knows every language known to man?? can beat every league member no matter how powerful they are?? The guy who can stop himself from being possessed by spirits??? The guy who ghosts flinch around??? THIS is the guy who’s meant to be the relatable human?? People complain about Superman being too powerful but at least he has exploitable weaknesses. Batman apparently can’t be touched. But honestly, that’s not even the worst of it. The worst part is that his competence completely ruins his whole character conflict. to summarize:

Bruce Wayne’s life was changed forever the night he lost his parents to a mugger in an alley. He became emotionally distant and pessimistic, and became obsessed with vengeance against the forces that too his loved ones from him. So he dawned the mantle of the bat to strike terror into the hearts of criminals. But as he delves more into the Bat persona he loses more and more his capacity to make human connections. He wants to make his parents proud, not realizing that his parents wanted him to have family that could provide him with happiness he so deserves. He needs to let people in and let himself be vulnerable.That’s why the Bat-family is so important. That’s why Alfred is so important. That’s why the Justice League is so important.

But when you make him so competent that he can do everything himself under the circumstances, all that does is justify his delusions. Why SHOULD he trust the league more if he can do everything himself anyway to the point where every other member is a clumsy asshole in comparison? What is the point of having such a colorful and diverse superhero team if the writers constantly insist one should be your favorite? When you make it so he never has to depend on anyone his whole arc as a character is thrown out the window. Now, Batman HAS been displayed right in the past. JLU makes him badass but not overbearing and Lego Batman is oddly enough the best cinematic Batman film in years. But recently the “Bat-God” has been the mainstream, and it’s completely gratuitous.

[crybabydx]

sso basically a mom accidentally kills her son and herself in a car accident, her ghost witnesses her son’s and her body lying on the ground and death comes to her as a taxi cab driver, says there’s nothing anyone can do to save the boy, then offers her a ride. she falls asleep in the cab and he drops her off at the dock where she promises him she’ll be back. and then falls asleep on her friends boat where they set sail to sea in the bermuda triangle. this is where the loop resets itself. she has flashbacks in her dream of what happened to her before, when she washes up on shore after being thrown overboard, then she wakes up with no recollection of what happened, is confused, and doesnt’ realize she’s in a loop until after they board the cruise liner after the sailboat had capsized in the storm , and sees two copies of herself fighting each other, then like clockwork, the next group of their copies board the ship. she tries her hardest to change what she knows is supposed to happen (fate) to no avail. the fact that she’s willing to kill her friends to get the loop to stop shows how much she loved her son, how desperate she is for him back, also a feeling of guilt that she was a dick to her autistic son, and for possibly causing their deaths. the loop of them boarding the ship doesn’t restart until all of them are dead. so she thinks she needs to kill them all and then prevent the next group from coming onto the boat in the first place, so they can find another way to return to land. but she can’t do this, she can’t prevent this from happening no matter what she does, she’s tried many, many times. 

eventually she gets pushed over the ship by her own copy and washes up on shore, she runs back to her house and sees herself yelling and hitting her autistic son for accidentally spilling paint water when he sees this other copy of his mother outside the window looking in. she then goes to the shed gets a hammer and kills her, her son sees, reassures him it’s just a dream, puts the body in a bag in a trunk, they drive away, she hits a seagull, goes to throw the dead bird into the ocean but realizes there’s already seagulls there, indicating she’s still in the loop. she gets to her car, frantic, speeds away, crashes head on into a truck, and the loop starts over again with death coming to her. he takes her back to the dock so she can try to save her son again.

tthe only thing i dont’ understand is wh y did she have her keys with her on the cruise ship in the first place if the taxi drove her there intitally. 

there’s some time gaps i don’t fully understand like where does the story really start, with the car accident? if that’s what happened in the first place? they die, she tries to go back and save them. on the cruise ship they told a story about sisyphus, who was a greek mythological character who was granted one more day in the living world to do some unfinished business , to meet him back but instead he ran away with his wife and when he reached his natural death, his punishment , essentially in hell, was to push a rock up a mountain only to have it fall once he reaches the top. stuck in a loop, he was to keep doing this until he got the rock to the top. that’s how the story goes. in the movie, death does give her another chance when he tells her i’ll keep the meter running , and she promises that she will come back, although she never intends on it, she does. she tries to drive away in the car with her son, but she gets in an accident, death comes back to her, and she tries again. i can’t figure out if she herself is causing the loop to repeat itself, like she’s in some sort of pergatory, having unfinsihed business as a ghost, unable to accept fate/reality/ the fact that she died and so did he. 

or if she’s forced to go through this over and over again, like the greek myth. perhaps she is alive on the sailboat before they get capsized. hm, maybe that’s how she actually dies, and the cruise ship liner is her ghost’s way of finding her way back to earth . it would make sense that the cruise ship is not real life, despite all the gory carnage that ensues on it. 

i think this is what happened:

according to the movie, the captain of the sailboat asked her, the mother, to join them on a sailboat ride with a couple of high school friends. they encounter a storm in the bermuda triangle that capsizes the ship, in reality, i think this is how she actually dies in real life. the cruise liner that passes them while theyre capsized and waiting for help is literally a ghost ship, there’s no one on it, but there is fresh food available as if there were people just there. it’s from like the 30′s and is super old timey looking, it even had a record player that played during the moments she realized she was in a loop.

aeolus is the name of the ship in the movie. in greek mythology, aeolus is the wind god. in homer’s odyssey,  “ Aeolus gave Odysseus a closed bag that contained all winds, but for the gentle West Wind that would take him home. However, Odysseus' companions, thinking the bag contained riches, opened the bag and the winds escaped, blowing the ship in all directions and thus extending their voyage back home.”  the cruise ship is essentially the wind god , who caused the storm in the first place, killing her (thus preventing her return to home) and her friends. them boarding the cruise ship symoblizes their journey in to the afterlife, possibly hell, considering it’s in a terrible time loop, with no conflict resoultion, as in the story of syphisus, where his punishment in the afterlife was to endure the same loop for eternity. 

the story of sysphus was mentioned twice in the movie, as well as imagery of the cruise ships symbol. sysphus cheated death twice, first by tricking death by trapping him in the chains that were meant to chain him, then by lying to queen of underworld when he died of natural causes, who granted him one last day among the living to finish his unfinished business, but to promise to return. he never did so his punishment was to push the rock up the hill for eternity. 

the loop that began on the cruise liner does not stop even though she fell overboard, washed up on shore, and ran back to the house. she’s still in the loop, as indicated by the pile of seagulls on the shore that she disposes of after it hits her car and it dies. she tries to escape the loop, by driving away, until she gets into the accident. her ghost observes their bodies and death comes to her and asks if she needs a ride. i think death does allow her to reenter the living world again for a day, if she comes back to him. although she never intends on doing so. like the syphsis story.. so i suppose then that she was allowed to the living world once, but only once. and she fucked it up somehow, either she killed them on accident again, or she got caught by death, which i suppose is the same thing. now her punishment is to endure this loop for eternity. she definitely cheated death. i’m now aware that sysphus cheated death twice. perhaps she has done the same, or possibly more times.

i think she accidentally died in the boat, her afterlife on the cruise ship is in purgatory “a state after death according to Roman Catholic belief in which the souls of people who die are made pure through suffering before going to heaven. : a place or state of suffering,  Purgatory is place for souls destined for glory but who are not prepared for the beatific vision or being in the eternal presence of God.  “. she endures purgatory on cruise ship, tries her hardest to change and do the right thing, to be a better mother when she witnesses her self being an ass to her son. i’m not sure if she’s stuck in the loop for eternity, or if she chooses to do so, in a way to prepare her soul for heaven, because she still feels unable to accept death. she has unfinished business, so she stays until she feels like she’s ready to ascend basically, she chooses to go through hell time after time again. unless she has to endure it for being an a hole to her son while they were alive. 

“Purgatory is a choice made by a soul who sees the attachment to sin that he still possesses. “ she feels guilty for being a bad mother, so she chooses to remain in pergatory as a ghost on earth. oh my god, i’ve finally figured it out. she goes back to the house as a ghost, fuck, that’s why the doorbell rings and when she answers no one is there. perhaps she is reliving a loop she created for herself or, until she feels shes served penance for her sins.

[starlightbisexual]

Hullo!!! Shy anon here, you're one of my favorite blogs so i was wondering if you happen to have any marvel fic recs? I'm running low and it's summer, so any fic would be appreciated (as long as it's not explicit). Any suggestions? ^^

hi love, you're so sweet thank you!! 

i have about a million fics to rec so this might be a bit long and im gonna put it under the cut. personal faves are marked with an !!!

(when you say “not explicit” i took that to mean they’re not tagged as explicit on ao3. i cant promise that none of these fics contain sex/other mature themes. it’s probably best to always read the tags on each fic just to make sure!)

ofc this list isn’t exhaustive, just the first ones that popped into my head! if you or anyone else wants some more please come ask, i love discussing fics!

those on mobile: note the read more

slide to answer (mature, 6k)

“What do I do?” Steve appealed into the phone. “I’m freaking out.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. It lasted so long that Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and frowned at it. Pay phones were old. Maybe this one wasn’t working despite the obvious dial tone when he picked up.

“Ok,” a stranger’s voice said over the phone. “First acknowledge the fact that you dialed the wrong number, but be quick about it because my cab is a few blocks away from my own plans and I’m about to drop some truth bombs on you.”

lonely houses off the road (teen, 17k)

Barnes is now glaring at him for some reason. It’s somewhat terrifying but also, oddly, a little reassuring— because that’s emotion right there, which means there’s still somebody behind those eyes. Somebody who seems to think Sam is being a bit slow on the uptake. “Time parameters exceeded. Mission failed.”

“Wait.” Sam narrows his eyes. “Is this some kind of… report? Debriefing?”

“Mission report,” confirms Barnes, looking pleased. Well, looking slightly less murderous than before.

In which various people deal with things they never signed up for, but at the end of the day no one’s particularly surprised.

i love you like rlb (teen, 3k)

I love you like rlb has become a well-known, accepted and valuable component of American vernacular. The meaning of the letters ‘rlb’ is unknown, but is uniformly considered to be a statement of a great romantic love, commitment and sacrifice.

It was Dernier as first said it. Steve never imagined that something like that could have survived the war and all the years in between.

In which Tony goes insane trying to figure out why that phrase affects the Cap so much, Bucky teases the press, and Steve and Bucky love each other like rlb.

i was found and now i don’t roam these streets (mature, 15k)

They’ve decided to start producing Bucky Bears again, now that he’s all shiny and redeemed and fighting for good on this big Avengers misfits team. “He has a little shiny gray arm,” Bucky says, wiggling the stuffed arm in question, one of the tweaks made in the new model. It takes Steve a second to realize that Bucky’s got a small smile on his face, actually looks a little bit proud around the eyes.

Or, Bucky relearns himself and how to be on a team, the rest of the Avengers try to get answers, and everyone watches too much Criminal Minds.

roll on (mature, 89k)

In 1938, there’s a bar in Brooklyn called Sully’s where people are safe to be themselves. Behind the bar, a girl pours drinks. She’s always got a big smile for Steve and she says queer like it’s a good thing. On a regular basis, she takes his shoulders in her hands and tries to shake sense into him, saying, “When will you do something about that best friend of yours?”

In 2012, Bucky’s gone, but Steve’s not, and the girl’s hands are too old to shake him. She does her best to make him see sense anyway.

Steve had people who loved him before the war, and it turns out a few of them are still around when he finally comes home.

one cloud feels lonely (mature, 72k, !!!)

“I’m going to take a break for a while,” Steve said quietly, not looking at T’Challa, not knowing that this was what he was gonna do until the words were out of his mouth. “I can’t be on a team right now.”

T’Challa nodded as if he understood. “Alright.”

AKAIn which Steve and Bucky both figure out how to be a person again, and it still takes them over 130 years.

barnes & rogers and the goddamn truth (not rated, 18k, !!!)

There are three well-known facts at Shield High:

1. The history teacher Mr. Barnes is a stone-cold terror, and it’s not even because he only has one arm.2. The other history teacher, Mr. Rogers, is a mysterious enigma, and it’s something to do with the body of a Greek God and contradicting stories of his past. (They’re all rumours, anyway.)3. Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers hate each other.

Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.

asked and answered (teen, 5k)

“You should marry me, Bucky.”

“What?”

“You should marry me.” Steve said again. “Sister Eustace said that marriage is the purest form of love, and I love you more than anybody. So we should get married.”

Steve and Bucky. Five marriage proposals (and one time they didn’t have to ask).

1917 (mature, 15k, !!!)

Born on March 10th, 1985 at the Brooklyn Hospital Center, James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes was named after Sergeant Barnes, Captain America’s childhood best friend, who died when he fell off a train in the Swiss Alps.

In 2008, Peggy Carter donates to the Smithsonian letters Captain Rogers wrote to Sergeant Barnes in 1944—

After he fell.

Some lives are eternally entwined.

to be vunerable is needed most of all (mature, 118k)

Steve is a shy comic book artist and meets his new neighbour, Bucky Barnes.

In which there are awkward longings, meddling best friends, comic conventions, heartache, lemons, video games, dorkiness, dancing and two cute boys.

there should be stars (teen, 45k)

“All memories to tell you the truth aren’t good.But sometimes there were good times.Love was good. I loved your crooked sleepbeside me and never dreamed afraid.

There should be stars for great warslike ours. There ought to be awardsand plenty of champagne for the survivors.”- Sandra Cisneros

Or, it takes them decades.

fever dream (mature, 9k)

“Buck.” Steve says, soft as he can, so he won’t start to cough again. The light from the stove hits his face just right, makes his eyes light up bright, spring sky blue. Bucky’s head aches just looking at him.

1942, in fits and starts.

they say love is a virtue (mature, 22k)

“I have a bet,” Tony announces to the room. He stands up, repeating himself a few times so that everyone is forced to stop the game and look up at him. He looks straight into Bucky’s eyes when he goes, “I bet you fifty dollars that you and Steve can’t spend a whole week pretend married without realizing that you’re both in love with each other.”

the smithsonian guard (gen, 8k)

Bucky makes a friend.

cross this river to the other side (teen, 14k)

Here is the truth about Captain America and the Howling Commandos that every World War II historian must come to accept at one point or another: we will never know everything. We won’t even come close.

So much was lost with the untimely death of Captain America. While the man beneath the uniform sunk to the bottom of the North Atlantic, the myth lived on, only to grow bigger and more unwieldy as the years went by. Now, it is near impossible to tell fact from fiction, to separate out truth from propaganda.

In 1943, the Howling Commandos wrote goodbye letters to be given to their loved ones in the event of their deaths.

In 2014, Sharon Carter finds those letters in a tin can in an abandoned HYDRA base.

captain fantastic and the pineapple king (teen, 30k, !!!)

Shit.She hadn’t noticed him yet. Maybe he could turn and leave without them noticing – Sam would understand. Sam was the most empathetic person he knew. He wouldn’t scold Steve for coming home spice-less to avoid an awkward encounter with an ex. Surely.They drew closer.Fuck.Please don’t notice me, please don’t notice me, please don’t notice me…"Steve?”Fuck.In which Steve is saved from his ex in a grocery store, Bucky Barnes is Way Too Chill about absolutely everything, and Sam has had enough of all of these goddamn pineapples in his fucking house.Or: The five times Steve received a pineapple (and one Piña Colada) and the one time he didn’t

haha, jk (teen, 13k)

(A tale of Not Unrequited Love)

Steve: I love you.Bucky: oh no.(and other fallacies)

Bucky learns to never say never when it comes to the effect his best friend can have.

apes debemus imitari (we should imitate the bees) (gen, 15k)

Steve operates a fruit & veg stand at a farmer’s market. Bucky keeps bees and has started up a honey shop just opposite. They’re failing to get along. Steve gets along a lot better with the anonymous friend he’s been writing letters to. In fact, he’s rapidly falling for him.

it’s no coincidence (teen, 109k)

The kids immediately scream, “Trick-or-Treat” before they see who opens the door.

The strange resident looks between the two kids, then at the adults, and his eyes widen in horror.

“It’s October already?”

Okay, Bucky thinks. This guy is probably high.

don’t ask (mature, 21k, !!!)

Captain America and Bucky Barnes were like brothers. Everyone knew that.

most ardently (teen, 9k)

Baron Grant, nothing more than a small, sickly country gentleman with no fortune and very little to recommend him, has just poured a glass of claret over Duke Barnes, a wealthy lord with the world at his feet.

[emthinks]

The Trials of Apollo #1: The Hidden Oracle by Rick Riordan

Now, I’d like to preface this review by stating that the reading of this series without prior knowledge of previous books in this universe, while possible, would be difficult. So while I recommend everyone to read Rick Riordan’s mythology books (they’re gold and they teach you a lot of shit about the ancient civilizations), for ToA, you really need to read Percy Jackson & The Olympians and The Heroes of Olympus first. And then get around to this. Because this book is good.

Here, we get to read first person POV (which I really do think is Rick’s strong suit) about Apollo (yes, the Greek God) being turned into this skinny ass mortal with flab and acne and - the coup de grace really - stuck with the name Lester Papadopoulos. Which. Honestly. How could you pass up on that? And Apollo, while I do admit was kind of an ass sometimes and really annoying (are all Greek gods that egotistical? Wait. Don’t answer that question) was really entertaining the rest of the time. 

Rating: 8.8/10

An Overview:

That whole bit in the beginning, where Apollo met Meg the Dumpster Girl and then had to traipse through the city to find Percy was my least favorite part. Probably why I actually paused and put the book down. I know right? Shocker. 

But then we got to Camp Half-Blood and things picked up a lot. Apollo trying to greet his kids (his cabinmates? His friends? What does he call them?!) was priceless. Hearing about Meg’s exploits in the meantime was a nice touch (good job, Crotchkicker).

But then we learn about Rachel. And the Oracle. (Well, I guess I learn, because I’d apparently forgotten that Apollo had been punished back in HoO? Well, nevermind.) We learn campers are disappearing. We learn shit is bad. Apollo has these weird-ass dreams (which, uh, usually I have a decent background on Greek mythology, but these two were just weird). 

It was a little odd for me for them to not be thrown into a quest and leave camp so early on. I was always waiting for a quest...and then forgot that the Oracle (aka. Rachel) wasn’t exactly working. So no quest. The Catch-88 or whatever Apollo called it.

And then there’s the three-legged race. That was...interesting. Mostly because it was kind of adorable how everyone just wanted to please this little Hephaestus kid. Apollo and Meg were, naturally, bound together. And then thrown into the labyrinth. Which. Whoa. Did not see that coming. Who knew Daedalus’s labyrinth would be such a throwback? So we traipse around a bit in a really dark maze. And then, of course, we end up in Delphi. Where we meet the Beast and the Python. And then we learn shit is about to go down.

So we travel into the woods. We meet the geyser dude (ah, there’s Rick’s nice weirdly-modernized touch). And then Meg gets captured. By....giant ants? Apollo is saved by Rhea. Which. Did not see that coming. 

He goes back to camp. Heals. Decides, oh fuck it, and takes the bow and arrows. He already broke half of his promise on the Styx anyways (which, idiot, why would you swear that?) and delves right back into the woods. The ant hive. Those couple minutes of him shooting every ant was great. He rescues Meg (eventually, after some trouble). Apollo naming the queen ant-thing Mama was just a nice touch. (Which, thank God he did, because we needed her help later on.) And then they were out into the clearing. The entrance to Dodona. And we meet the first of three Triumvirates.

Nero. Now, I have no idea who Nero is. But. He kind of sounds like an ass. And he’s Meg’s stepfather? Now, I can’t say I didn’t see it coming, because I did have this half-suspicion formed in the back of my mind, but really, Meg? That’s just a bit ridiculous. But thankfully, Meg comes around, eventually, although she totally still leaves. (Which. Apollo is bound to her still. So how’s that gonna work?) We get some prophecies from Dodona. Yay. Then we go back to camp and all is well, right?

Nope. There’s Giant Naked Apollo strolling up the beach. Ah. There’s that potential problem Nero mentioned. They’re all a mess. It’s kind of bad. (But kinda cute when Apollo’s kids still were so eager to help, even after the mess they just went through. I guess it just goes to show. Demigods are sturdy af.) 

Still, was I glad to see Percy at the end. That was nice. “The weekend had arrived.” The cavalry, more like it. Thank God. Oh, and good job causing hay fever in Giant You, Apollo. And then we get that lovely fluff bit at the end with Leo and Calypso? Adorable. The line that was formed so everyone could punch Leo was great, and Apollo realizing Calypso had willingly left her island and given up her immortality for this elfish boy was pure gold. 

The Characters:

Can we talk about Nico and Will for a second? (Do they have a ship name? Solangelo? Lol. God their names are hard to combine.) To be honest, I totally forgot they existed. No, not that they as characters existed, but like, they existed. So when Apollo first saw them together, I was like “whaaaaa?” Because I totally remember in House of Hades where Jason (the fucking idiot, really) thought Nico was in love with Annabeth and we had to jump through those hoops, but it obviously never registered to me that Will and Nico were together-together until, well, now. And boy, must I say they are great. They’re so entertaining. Like, the bickering is adorable. And how Nico is all “I have to sit with my boyfriend because I have a doctor’s note given to me by my boyfriend...who is also my doctor”. Like, they are cute af. 

Now. The heart of the problem: Meg. Meg was....well. Meg was ratty and dumpster girl and rebellious (and obviously Demeter’s daughter as soon as we saw her throw fruit and summon a grain spirit, but hey, some people can be dumb) and she was fun. She was Crotchkicker and Eyebruiser on Day One and she was great. She was also, for all her hemming and hawing, obviously a spy. Well, she was obviously the spy as soon as we overheard the Beast mentioning there was a spy. She skirted around talks of her stepfather and obviously froze up with the mentioning of the Beast (at the sound of his voice?). But she’s Meg. She’s resilient. And, well, she’s still tied to Apollo, so they’ve gotta figure something out there. Maybe they’ll have to go find her (save her?) in one of their quests? Or they just run into her again? Idk. 

And what about Apollo, our lovely protagonist. A god. Who knew? Reading first person POV from Apollo was weird. Enlightening, but weird. Yes, I was annoyed - especially in the beginning - with how he ranted about how great and awesome he was and how everyone should bow at his feet and how if he only had his godly powers, he could totally smite them all. It definitely took me a while to accept the fact that he couldn’t accept he was mortal. Not completely. Eventually, he improved his outlook on humans, but in the beginning, God I was pissed. However, the fact that it was never really forgotten that he was mortal - that he couldn’t do all this magic that he was used to with the snap of a finger - was nice. He wasn’t omnipotent. He had to rely on others. And I do think he became a better person-god from it. He learned from his kids. These kids, whom he barely acknowledged when he was a god, still risked their lives to help him. Wasn’t that admirable? The one thing I really hope is that, in the end of his whole journey (trials, whatever) he doesn’t forget them and, after he’s a god again, he actually still spends time with them and cares a little more. That would be a nice bit of character development.

Questions:

Do you think the Labyrinth will come into play again?

Eventually, yes. I think, in general, a lot of the things we’ve encountered in the past two series will come into play, because there are only so many Greek/Roman myths we can poke around in. It’s not like Riordan can conjure up more. Also, the Labyrinth has, supposedly, spread throughout the world, so it can basically bring anyone anywhere. And isn’t that terrifying.

What do you think will happen next?

Well, the bit we got from the Dedona trees mentioned Indiana, right? And they sit the Triumvirate had split up North America into thirds...Indiana is in the middle of America, right? (Yes, great job Emilie. Much thought it took to come up with that idea.) I just hope Festus can be helpful the whole journey this time, instead of breaking down halfway. I loved that dragon in HoO. 

So that’s that really. When does the second book come out? What’s it called? The Dark Prophecy. Huh. Well, that bodes well.