#Where did she even get the money?
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"I wanna hire you"
Every last Friday of the month Jason, Kori and Roy partake in a small tradition.
They meet up for dinner in their respective cities, costume or not, and just catch up on the others respective lives.
It was a dumb tradition Roy had suggested when the Outlaws split up the first time, not wanting to let the others go with little communication in between them ever again. So here they were, New Years Eve being the last Friday of the month before ringing in the new year.
Lian was off hanging out with her friends for the holiday, choosing not to join them on their tradition this year which Roy was only slightly thankful for. Especially since it was Jason's turn this time which meant they'd be having dinner at his usual spot in Gotham.
Roy shed his coat the second he walked through the doorway of Joe's Diner. He was tired but not any more so than usual.
New Years Eve was always a harder day for Gotham. The crime rate always went up for the holidays rather than down, so it gave almost every vigilante here extra work to do alongside their usual duties.
But being able to visit was still the best part of making it to the end of the year.
"Happy New Year, Joe."
Joe, the owner way to used to the Outlaws shenanigans, just smiled back at him as he walked in. He had the usual to-go coffee cups in his hands.
"Happy New Year, Arse"
The two met up at the nearest table, Roy sliding into the booth as Joe handed him his own cup before turning around to the countertop to make his usual go to order.
"Any signs of Big Bat today?"
"Nothing nearby," He took a sip of his coffee as Joe continued on with his thought, still working on his sandwich order behind the counter. "But I'd reckon he's pretty busy considering the holiday"
Roy hummed in agreement while taking another swig of his drink. He honestly figured Jason would be late again, typical for him during the Holidays, and Kori would probably be over in a few minutes.
It wouldn't be a long wait.
He sighed and laid back against the booth chair contentedly, eyes shut to try and get some kind of rest before either of the 2 showed up. Roy tried to ignore the way he felt someone's eyes on him as he did so, hoping silently that whoever it was would just be a curious civilian and not anything crazy he would have to deal with.
But hope meant basically nothing in Gotham.
The person slowly approached him and Roy heard them harshly shove a backpack onto the table before he eventually opened his eyes lazily to look at the person intruding his peace.
It was a kid.
A very tiny looking girl, no more than 12 years old, hiding underneath a tattered looking Nasa hoodie that was basically swallowing her whole. Roy looked at her with curiosity as she seemed to examen him thoroughly, a hand still clutching her bag despite it being on HIS table.
"Are you Arsenal?" She eventually spit out bluntly, making Roy sit up sharply.
It was rare a real kid, one who wasn't a trained threat like Damian or any of the Titans, actually approached him and simply knew who he was. So her knowing him, despite being in costume, put him on edge a little bit.
"Well?" The girl snarked at his silence, looking more annoyed at the lack of response. Roy could feel his grey hairs getting longer by the second.
"Are you really Arsenal?"
She still had her sea-blue eyes trained on him between half hidden bangs and her hoodie as she asked. Roy just sighed into his cup of coffee quietly and nodded, watching as the girl brightened slightly and slide into Jason's usual booth seat.
"What's up kid? Isn't it a little late for you to be out in Gotham?"
The girl huffed at that comment, pulling her hood off of her head to truly look over at him. She seemed exhausted and much younger than he had originally assumed her to be. In a strange, heartbreaking way looking at her only reminded him of Lian when she had been that small.
"I'm not a kid." She snorted with a roll of her eyes before taking a sip of the hot cocoa Joe had silently passed to her with a ruffle of her hair.
"You look younger then 10. That makes you a kid, kid."
The girl huffed again before reaching into the torn bag Roy hadn't seen her pull off the table, digging as quickly as she could.
"Whatever, my age isn't the point. The point is I need to hire you to do something."
Roy almost choked on his coffee at that declaration, finally putting his cup down on the table. "I'm sorry what? What could you possibly need to hire me for? How did you even FIND out you could do that? You're like 10-"
"13" She interrupted, stopping her own search through her bag, unphased.
"Sure kid, 13 then. But still-"
The girl just groaned loudly to interrupt him again, kicking his legs harshly from underneath the table to shut him up officially. She took her attention back to her backpack while huffing and muttering under her breath in annoyance.
Eventually she finally seemed to grab whatever she'd been looking for, grinning again before turning to look back at him and slapping something onto the table. Roy looked down to see whatever it had been hesitantly, worried only a bit it'd be some kind of child concoction she had with her.
Instead he was met with 2 wads of cash, all 100 dollars, wrapped in what looked like glittery green rubber bands. Startled, he looked at the very obviously NOT 13 year old with money she also obviously did NOT usually have for any explanation.
The girl shrugged at his reaction.
"I also don't wanna just hire you." She responded pointedly between his shock as if it was obvious, taking a sip of her hot cocoa. "I want to hire the Outlaws."
Roy sighed and just tried not to give any answer just yet considering the situation. The girl took it as a sign of rejection and pushed the baggy of cash closer to him while slapping another wad of cash baggy towards him.
"Kid-"
"Not a kid."
"Okay, Not-a-kid then," Roy watched as the girl glowered at him before continuing. "What do you even need the Outlaws for that the police can't do?"
At that question the girl went quiet and slowly shrunk into herself against the booth seat, eyes trained everywhere but him. Roy immediately felt regret but didn't voice it.
"My siblings are missing." She eventually responds, her free hand brushing some of her bangs out of her face while sliding the money bags closer to her side again with the other hand. "They've been gone since Christmas Eve and I've tried everything to find them but no ones even tried helping me."
She sniffles slightly and Roy feels his heart breaks slightly as he watches her wipe her nose against the tattered hoodie sleeve.
"Everything?" Roy asks and he watches her nod, still not looking at him.
"The GCPD are too swamped with cases because of the holidays and we don't have any adults in our lives to help."
"What about Batman?"
Roy felt slight self justification at the way the girls face turned from crying into an angry scowl. As if he had just suggested her to take a swim in the Gotham Harbor.
"Fuck Batman"
He couldn't help but let out a choked out snort as he filed that tidbit away for later. Jason would like this kid.
"Got it. No Batman," Roy reassured her with a grin before continuing. "So what exactly made you choose us to find them?"
At that question the girl seemed to hide again, more so out of embarrassment this time rather then anything else, her cheeks tinged slightly pink.
"Red Hood's my favorite hero but he's hard to ask for help from and everyone knows that you work with him..."
Roy sighed again and felt his face pinch into a grimace. Of course it would be Jason's fault kids were approaching him for help with things. As much as Jason denied he was a helpful force to Gotham, it was pretty obvious to anyone who looked at the way he cared for Crime Alley that he was.
"Alright kid. Put the cash away, okay?" The girl eyed him suspiciously before doing as Roy said and sliding both bags back into her tattered backpack.
"Starfire and Red Hood are supposed to be here in a bit and when they get here we'll try and see how we can help you, okay?" Roy almost smiled again when he watched her eyes widen in surprise at him agreeing before going back to her neutral expression.
"Anything more you wanna tell me?"
The girl hesitated before nodding and speaking again.
"Me and my siblings are on the run from people who want us for... being different. If you help me find them, you have to promise we won't get caught by Batman or any one with some kind of government access." She spits out quickly, making sure to look Roy directly in the eyes as she talks about her conditions.
"If you try and turn us over to either of them, I will make sure you and the others don't have a grave to be laid to rest in."
Roy shivered slightly as she spoke the last part, her eyes flashing a bright green he didn't recognize as she tried to show him she was a true threat. He gripped his coffee mug, trying his best to not get worried over it since he knew she was just trying to protect herself and her missing siblings.
"Got it, you have my word. Any chance I can get a name for you?"
The girl looked him over again, her eyes having returned to the sea-green color they were before, eventually nodding in agreement to his request.
"You can call me Ellie. Most people do"
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Or basically,
Ellie stumbles upon Arsenal at a diner late at night where she tries to hire him and the Outlaws into finding her siblings who went missing on Christmas Eve. Roy is just concerned this very obvious 8 year old wants to hire the Outlaws at all.
#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp crossover#dp x dc#dpxdc#dc x dp#dcxdp#dc x dp prompt#Ellie just wants her siblings home#I think itd be funny if Ellie was such a RH fan she knew about the outlaws#Ellie: man Danny & Jazz are gone.. better call the Outlaws!#Where did she even get the money?#Who knows#she probably stole it tbh#its fine the rich guy she took it from wont miss 10k probably#the rich guy was Dick Grayson and he probably noticed immeaditely#also who the Fenton kids were taking by is up to you#Im imagining its Amanda Waller and Cadmus instead of the GIW#bc lets be real they would#lol#Roy is so concerned this literal baby is trying to pay him like 10k to do a job#roy: jason this is ur fault u fuckin hero asshole#jason: ???
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i wish finding people was easier
#never learned how. even when i was mandated to share a building with 400 of them i struggled making connections#idk what to do now. all i do is go to work or stay home. i really dont have anywhere else to go. at least not without spending money#and even if i DID have somewhere to go i dont want 10 million questions about 'where are you going? why do need the car? what if i need it?#my grandmother is SUFFOCATING to be around. she still pulls this shit with my mom too and shes in her 40s#im just. lonely. i feel bad saying i want friends cause i DO have friends. just. not in person#hell i like to have a partner adn ive NEVER had that as a priority before. but i dont know how to get there#and if i did have a partner; or friends; its not like i could take them home. im just stuck.#im struggling for independence and i have no way out
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it's so liweiover.
#see: heath's uptie story#WHY DOES HE ACT LIKE THAT. WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT.#liwei would not FUCKING say that.#first of all hes not even the boss. hes a full stop FIXER not the OPERATOR!!!! HE SHOULD BE THE SAME LEVEL AS HEATH/TAMAKI!!!#secondly he would not be the one to buy guns. hell in ruina hes the one to suggest to the other two to drop their guns to save themselves!!#listen. i know this is a mirror world where anything can happen. honglu could have just replaced the operator bc he's so rich#(hell all the differences between hongle + liwei are because hong lu has money)#but like. why honglu???? why is honglu the liwei id????#outis is LITERALLY RIGHT THERE. hell in the cutscene she;s the one who tries to capture eileen and gets stopped by argalia! WHICH IS#LITERALLY EXACTLY WHAT LIWEI DID!!!#not to mention honglu and liweis personalities dont match at all! they're mischaracterizing my boy in here :(#meanwhile outis is literally a war commander and has a more angry/stoic personality that FITS LIWEI BETTER#liwei fans we lost. we lost so fucking bad#(granted I havent seen the announcers w/ the actual guys so maybe that will be better) (unlikely)
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so i took my car in today because i thought it might just need some more brake fluid and although i tried to just look at it myself i couldn't for the life of me figure out which part under the hood was the brake fluid reservoir without having to lean all over my car and get all dirty, so i figured i might just have to pay a service fee and whatever for the fluid itself...
turns out i need all new brake pads !!
ahaha
haha
ha
yay
#i swear to god it's like my car knows whenever it's tax time#like 'hey can i have some money pwease? pweaaaaase just a thousand dollars for new brakes pretty pwease?!'#i guess!!!!!!#i kinda need 'em#jokes on you though because i haven't even filed my taxes yet#i'm gonna have to wait until next week when i get paid but they said i should be able to drive on them for maybe another month as they are#i had other stuff i was gonna do today but given the circumstances i decided to just park my ass back at home#mostly i've been trying to do some ~research of the local libraries to prepare for school which is starting....soon#but i'll just have to postpone my research for the time being#it's funny too because i was watching a tiktok the other day of 'what to do if your breaks fail'#i even almost scrolled past it but something told me to go back and watch#and now i guess i know why#fortunately i haven't had to use that information just yet#but dear god today whenever i put on the breaks it sounds like thunder#just a terrible sound for a car to make#prior to that all that happened was my break light kept coming on whenever i accelerated#it would go off once i'd been rolling for a little bit or sometimes if i'd ease off the gas and then accelerate again#and when i tried to research it myself that's where i got the break fluid thing from#really hoped it was going to be that simple but it never is!!#that's just the rules!!#so anyway that's how my weekend's starting off#not great tbh but it could be a lot worse so i'm just gonna be grateful this is something i can fix#(even if i really don't want to)#and just move on with it and hope nothing else tears up on this goddamn car#because it wasn't that long ago i had to take it in for something else so....#if i could go like....mmm a year maybe before i need any more expensive ass repairs i'd really appreciate it#tires i'm looking you straight in the eye don't you even think about it#i did have my follow up with my urologist today also and they did another x-ray#she said she doesn't see the stone anymore so i believe it did in fact pass so that's some good news !!#we're just gonna keep an eye on the one that's on the other side and still in my kidney
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i need more piercings right now immediately ←has to wait until after surgery
#also idk where to even go bc the last guy quit without telling me#& also didnt let anyone know i had an appt so i went there & they were. closed#& they said their other piercer would reach out to schedule once she was back from vacation but she never did...#it was kind of a pain to get to anyway so i dont mind going somewhere else i just gotta Figure Out Where#goddd and that was so long ago too lmao i couldve gotten so many more in that time. two or three rounds probably#whateverrrr i didnt really have the money anyway but AUGH#im being so patient
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Can I say its kinda funny how in Girl Meets World when they had Farkle get ganged up on by Riley, Lucas and Corey as they tried to force their god and belief's onto him- I say their god since this show did not acknowledge other religions in this episode and tried to act like their god was the god basically- , Corey went for, "the air you breath is god's making", when like...if the writers wanted Farkle to be the atheist character who uses science as his logic, he could have brought up what the air is made up off and what science says explains it??? Let alone then proceeded to have the science/smart atheist not just respond with uh homes/people/animals when asked by the trio what's in those buildings and instead have him go he cant see in them so he doesn't know, giving the religious trio a chance to one up him???? That's not even a science atheist response, that's just a normal one he could have said while wondering why they treating him like he's stupid or why the teacher who gave them a religious discussion topic for class is showing bias when it comes to favoring religion seriously I know its outside of school this scene happened but Corey is still Farkle's teacher and last I checked teachers aren't allowed to force belief's onto students-
#im rewatching a critical video on the show and this episode among others got brought up and just#i still hate it oh my god#for a religious discussion episode they surely leaned to religion so much the two characters who are either agnostic (maya as she honestly#doesnt care about religion while giving valid responses to riley whose acting like worst friend this episode) or atheist (farkle as he#really makes it clear he doesnt believe and gives science logic and is the only one who doesnt cave at the end to religion due to peer#pressure so good for him) get basically shit the entire episode#with maya getting shit the most really like riley out here shaming her for picking up some dropped money in school and riley#acting like its a crime to god and even trying to replace the money only for maya to grab that too which....funny as fuck tbh deserved to#riley there if she thinks a student will remember where the fuck they dropped some money or that lost and found would give a shit#also shout out i guess to the bitches who pick up dropped money guess i'll meet you in hell if thats a crime to god since i did that#a few times as a kid lmao#but the episode ends on maya leaving money in the place in school cause she saved to peer preasure to believe which...great#way to end discussion episode...riley FINALLY about to embrace her friends despite differeing beliefs....only for maya to say she prayed#that morning and riley instantly happy like....again shout out to farkle for not caving like maya....
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Finally watched The Batman 2022. It was extremely good (it only took me this long to get around to it bc I was so burned out on Batman ngl)
#me. sat there. flabbergasted that batman didn't actively kill anyone (even in the car chase you can see him avoiding cars and-#shit so people don't get hurt. it was literally penguin's fault with the trucks/lorries lmao).#that bruce was shown to be a detective#that they handled younger bruce coming into his role as batman and what that means to him really well. they put in the roots for-#him to become a better person outside of batman and actually start investing his money wisely and ensuring said money ends up in the right-#hands. HE EVEN DID HERO SHIT. HE SAVED PEOPLE FROM GETTING ELECTROCUTED AND CARRIED THE INJURED OUT.#AND I KNOW THAT ALL OF THIS IS CORE BATMAN SHIT BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW TIRED I WAS OF MODERN MOVIE BATMAN#also robert pattinson??? my man understood the assignment. very good as bruce and batman frfr#catwoman was great too and it was refreshing to see she wasn't oversexualised for once#and the riddler? loved him. loved the whole redditor/4chan angle they gave him. bc yeah. yeah that fits riddler's mindset well#was nice to get a batman movie where the first villain he really deals with isn't the joker for once#riddler my beloved. you've finally been appreciated once again 💜#anyway. yap over. i am unwell over this movie though don't talk to me about it /j
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my inability to play mobile games nowadays is also a source of suffering as a person who loves rhythm games. i miss her (SIF1).....
#but 1) she is shut down <3 and 2) even if she was still up i probably would barely play because the game was getting.... messy#i loved the old UI but they kept like. adding shit. too many little red exclamation marks#but it was one of the comfiest feeling rhythm game mechanics i ever played#i need to find a rhythm game that really feels good is my problem. high key i actually do not like most of the project diva style gameplay#TOO MANY button inputs that are hard to read im too learning disabled for that#i did love project mirai tho. and i liked project diva X because the progression was less skill focused and more perseverance#i really dont like post ps4 pd i do NOT like those multi button inputs where you have to do like#r1 + square + circle + whatever and it like changes every time. girl i cant READ#i much prefer rhythm games where the inputs are simple and dont require as much thinking or reading#and its more focused on just how good can u hit those simple inputs#i really loved beat saber when i played it at a vr arcade once. but i do not have the space or money for vr rn LOL#i also have really enjoyed taiko. someday i'd like to try a peripheral. one time i played it on the dk bongo gamecube controller#to see what it felt like. it felt bad <3 but it was fun <3 <3 <3 <3#osu i havent really liked. although i do enjoy elite beat agents and oeundan. i think its the physically small screen of the ds#sometimes its fun to boot up melodys escape or audiosurf too. but id really like to try other games#when i did play mobage i was partial to stuff like sb69's three track system and llsif's 9 spot system#but i didnt like the way deemo felt.... the size of the visual hit boxes were TOO SMALL it always felt weird#flick notes sucked whenever i played a mobage tho. i have SWEATY FINGERS dont to this me#swipe notes are fine its just flick. also i dont like how hard they are to read similar to a lot of console games <3
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just when i was celebrating not having to go to work tonight..........now i might have to go in. at 10pm. i just wanted to fucking drink tonight 😭😭😭
#UGH FUCK i hate this job#as i typed that now it's a little up in the air#cause my employee who's there right now was like 'they might run till 1am'#then i call her and talk to the production lead and he says 10:30 and she said she could stay till 11#so idk where the fuck she got 1am from and i feel bad cause i couldn't hide my frustration#but i'm not gonna let my department get blamed for not being there when needed#even if that means i ruin my saturday night and sleeping schedule to go in for a few hours#and not get paid for it cause i'm salary#(something i kinda like...guilted my staff about when i was trying to get someone to work next saturday)#(but they need to understand i can only bend over backwards so far before i break)#(when they're the ones who get the extra money for going in)#and i mean i could still have a drink or two tonight....#i did give my tech a deadline of 9pm to tell me if i need to go in#mk's work woes
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why're things so fucked upppppp~
#stayed up too late#did nothing#should've done something#should've been doing uni applications or chemistry#instead spent my time thinking#didn't even get to good thoughts#I'm still anxious on my future#i haven't picked up my anxiety prescription#felt anxious and still didn't#now just stuck#I don't want to do anything because it feels like everything I'm gonna do is like changing something and changing something with my parents#usually for the worse#even talking with my parents#there's also their mood swings where i cannot for the life of me tell when they'll get worse and better#and if better it's usually to manipulate me#oh we bought you yarn now force yourself into these uni choices#or even the ultimate of it#get married#if only they viewed people as humans and not puppets of god#if only they cared about people than their ideals and god and marriage#shove enough money into a dowry and everything's fixed#break your kid into a doll for marriage and it's fine#we don't talk about any of my interests in the kitchen#the only thing we talk about is my education#and like even then we don't agree#my mother judges medication like hell#despite taking medication herself!#but for her it's medicine and for me I'm gonna be a drug addict#she even fucking judges disease#yeah mom thanks I'm sure all the cancer patients appreciate you judging them like an ass
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today should be a t break day
bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts
but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain
so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either
#text post#no idea where the fuck this came from and it kept me up until fucking four in the fucking morning#but only NEARLY crying my body/brain still won't let me FULLY cry#and i did email my prior doc with a 'can i ask u just abt this one current symptom and if it is abt what i think & ill send u 20 bucks even'#she said no to the twenty bucks but said yeah it does sound like my ptsd has been triggered by multiple things over the last year#and the not being able to cry is a part of it. my body's trying to protect me from feeling anything abt it and breaking down#and part of that means not letting the tears fall so there's no physical acknowledgement of any feelings#which is what i was thinking was going on but it's nice to confirm it with someone who knows their shit#doesn't fix it but at least i know.#the thing is that the triggers are like. good? bc im in a healthier safer environment now with ppl that don't do what my mum & fam do to me#but it means my brain is learning just how much of a lot of it Wasn't Normal and was actually Pretty Harmful and that's.#i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything????#why are we still thinking abt it and having feelings over it at this point bc that feels like a waste of time#there are no apologies I'll get for things that happened from when i was younger and there's no closure it just Is What It Is#I'm tired of even wanting to cry over it when I'd rather be throwing myself into making money & being productive art-wise#it manages to interrupt so many fucking facets of my life like#whatever. anyway considering a music au new draft where ed and izzy meet seth. and immediately offer to kill him for Pickles aksnsjfnfgj
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i feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me and every day i pray that its just the underdeveloped prefrontal cortex and not more mental illness that will continue to prevent me from forming meaningful relationships with people as i grow older and more alone
#there are so many points in my day to day life where it feels like all that i am is a mask. i say or do this because i think it's what is#expected of me i dont have any interest in anything besides stuff i got into in middle school that i still cling onto i have no friends or#anyone that knows me on personal level really. i dont even leave my house. even on my days off all i can do is rot in bed and feel sorry fo#myself as junk piles up around me. i just wish i could go back and not take everything that i did have for granted.... highschool felt like#the end of the world until i started working 70+ hour 7 day work weeks and mandatory overtime every other day#13 yr old me thought she had it bad LMFAO u shouldve taken us out at the ripe age of 16 like we planned girl now look where we are!!!#Ok im done being emo now i should probably use my big girl money and get myself a therapist or something
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unrelatable annoying text post incoming but i feel like it is a red flag to me when i see jewelry stores with frequent staff turnover. not because the people working there are likely learning, which i think is fine and good. instead, it is because it reads as the workplace being either fucking terrible and people are quitting, or management is firing people/laying people off way too fucking often. but the people are more annoying in these stores as well. the ones with the highest turnover seem to attract only commission-vultures to remain that won't let you fucking glance at anything without breaking your 'i'm just looking today, thank you' request of silence by going SO YOU WANT TO BUY THAT? no i was giving it the side eye because i know how long that plating is going to last, leave me alone.
#rubia speaks#even my former workplace has gone downhill since most of my friends left#see: missus who told me she tried on the ring i had ordered in before i could come pick it up. that's so irreverent! don't tell me that!#but it looks like every time i look there are new people working there. where did you all come from. did u fall out of coconut trees#but the place across the hall from it is so much worse for it. unless i see the manager or the one other long term employee i'm cooked#with my friends at my old workplace i have the opposite trouble where even when i'm in to buy something they think i'm in for a chat#which i do want to chat! but please don't ignore me in favour of the customer who came in after :( i need ur help pls pls pls pls#so it takes a really long time to be able to buy something when i'm there until i get the chance to say HI ACTUALLY I'M A CUSTOMER TODAY TO#PLEASE TAKE MY MONEY BEFORE I GET DISCOURAGED AND SAD THAT YOU DON'T WANNA HELP MEE
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Video I'm watching just made such a low blow comment of comparison. I hate to sound snobby but like, it's really rich coming from a YouTuber that "and Gen Z and Millennials aren't exempt from criticism because none of them want to work!" Like, I know that you know you chose the WORST possible choice. You know as well as I do it's not ugh these new kids aging into the workforce are SO entitled and #lazy
#like fucking tell me how my millennial aged friend whos in her 30s is lazy when she has MULTIPLE years of experience and a degree is lazy.#Tell me shes so entitled. Tell it to me!!!#What about all my other friends who struggled through college who have degrees that we're DESPERATE for hires in and how they're still#STRUGGLING to find work. Oh but right. We're so entitled for wanting a liveable paycheck 🙄 god forbid we want to live like our parents did#20 years ago where they were making LESS THAN US and could live ON THEIR OWN!!!! NO ROOMMATES and also afford a car and groceries and have#some spending money. right. right. ugh so lazy!#sorry. I get really upset about this topic but like im living it. my friends are living it. i know multiple people with degrees-- of GOOD#majors/in demand things that have had to go into like. cashiering. dont fucking talk to me about lazy workers!!!#and even then?? i dont blame them!!!!!! it's fucking dire out there.#sorry. boy yells at the clouds or whatever
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the more i think about it my last roommate really was the devil
#when she told me that she felt unsafe in our house and that she couldn't rely on me to help her when she's in danger#because i didnt wake up in the middle of the night to check on her and her gf while they were having a bad trip#i didn't even know they were smoking weed no one asked me to check in on them#and i was literally sleeping LMFAO what even#it's just me and my 27 page word doc of all the shit she did to me#not to mention the loud ft calls w her dad where they were strategizing how to 'get her dollar back' from me for the furniture we split#& having to hear her dad be like 'can you really trust that girl with money and to pay you back?'#DIRECTLY OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM DOOR BYE#i literally paid half her rent for like 3 months too and she had the audacity not to thank me for that & to say i never gave a shit abt her#sorry i'm so pressed abt this rn#also my other friend is pissing me off too but thats for another time
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man the violent cognitive dissonance between "I need to do everything in my power to get out of this house because my abusive fathers mental health is clearly declining which will make things Worse" vs "If I take advantage of my moms offers to help me get the fuck out of here I am Abusing My Class Privilege And Therefore Should Suffer The Fate Of Die"
#vent#vent post#growing up on the progressive internet did a lot of good things for me but fuck am I terrified to touch any resource I have gained unfairly#literally my brain thinks someones gonna come into my askbox like#''everything wrong with your life is a farce because your mom has money''#she doesnt even have like rich people amounts of money she has like unionized work with a powerful union money#so its not even ''bad'' money necessarily#and every time I try to voice how my brain panic scrambles about privelege Im like ''oh god what if people think Im conservative about it''#Im not I just have extreme social paranoia and get very irrational about things people talk strongly about#like to the point where I saw like a post talking about progressive white girls trusting the cops too much and went ''oh god Im Like That''#girl (Im girl) you go into a freeze response over interacting with fucking mall security theyre not even Real Cops
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