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polarwandersea · 7 years ago
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Proof of a right wing conspiracy the Clinton Chronicles
The next scandal or conspiracy I will be focusing on in this text post is “The Clinton Chronicles,” is a 1994 film that accused the Clintons of a range of crimes. In order to understand this scandal there are some people you need to know.
1. The infamous Larry Nichols. This is the same man who was involved in my last post and who helped orchestrate the Gennifer Flowers scandal. While Nichols apologized and admitted his wrongdoings in the Flowers scandal, he never quite got rid of his need for revenge and as soon as new opportunities came up for revenge, he went after them. Quick reminder Nichols had bad blood with Bill since he was fired from his job working at the ADFA. 2. Pat Matrisciana was the producer of the film: The Clinton Chronicles. He was also the founder of the conservative group Citizens for Honest Government. (this group will come into play later on in this post.) 3. Reverend Jerry Falwell. He was was an American Southern Baptist pastor, televangelist, and conservative activist. He also owned Falwell’s liberty alliance which helped produce shows and videos. Falwell was basically the caricature of what a bigoted right wing extremist christian would be like. Here are some of his quotes: “The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country.”       “ AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.”
Facts and background information: 1. The Citizens for Honest Government was registered with the IRS under section 501 (c) (3) of the tax code as a nonprofit educational organization, theoretically non-partisan, tax-exempt and free to solicit tax-deductible charitable contributions. In practice, the organization had two main purposes: to propagate the political and religious beliefs of the extreme religious right, with which its founder and sole proprietor Pat Matrisciana was closely allied; and to promote and distribute video tapes by Jeremiah Films and Integrity Films, two for-profit corporate entities he (Mastrisciana) owned. 2. Until 1993, Jeremiah Films produced slick melodramatic videos on themes mainly of interest to Christian fundamentalists. To give you a gist of how paranoid and crazy these films and documentaries were here are some examples:                                                                                                                                       Halloween, Trick or Treat? warned parents that lurking behind such “seemingly innocent symbolism” as black cats and jack-o’-lanterns lay a satanic plot to seduce their children into “Pagan Occultism.” There was also a film produced by this company called Gay Rights, Special Rights where the film focused on “the hidden purpose of civil rights laws forbidding discrimination by sexual presence:to enable homosexuals to procreate in public classrooms where they recruit and propagandize the innocent.”                                                                                                                                              
Now that you know what what type of paranoid and extremist people that were involved in this, let’s get on with The Clinton Chronicles Scandal and how all these men came to know each other and work on this.
1. Matrisciana and Nichols were introduced in late 1993 by a former NBC News cameraman named John Hillyer who had been hired by Matrisciana to scout Arkansas for anti-Clinton material. 2. Before The Clinton Chronicles, Matrisciana and Nichols’s first joint venture was a thirty-minute video called Circle of Power. Distributed nationwide by Falwell’s Liberty Alliance (this is how Reverend Jerry Falwell who was introduced at the start of the post becomes involved,) in early 1994, the video opens with Nichols earnestly telling of “countless people who mysteriously died” after running afoul of Clinton’s political ambition. Taking Vince  Foster’s death as a starting point, Circle of Power, tied President Clinton to a series of suicides, accidental deaths, and unsolved homicides.
The Clinton Chronicles: Facts: 1.The Clinton Chronicles was the second more ambitious production of these three men that reached the widest audience after it was released that Spring. 2. The largest volume of fabrications in The Clinton Chronicles concerned the ADFA (where Larry Nichols had worked and had been fired from.) 3. Falwell promoted The Clinton Chronicles as if it were The Ten Commandments. For four successful weeks in May 1994, viewers of Virginia evangelist’s syndicated TV program, The Old-Time Gospel Hour, saw not sermons and spirituals but excerpts from Circle Of Power and The Clinton Chronicles, along with a half-hour informercial touting the videos for a donation of $40 plus $3 shipping and handling. A few of the more than two hundred TV stations that carried Falwell’s program deemed the episodes political rather than religious and refused to broadcast them without payment, but most showed them on schedule.
Now this part is hilarious: Toward the end of the thirty-minute infomercial, Falwell interviewed a figure in silhouette, identified only as an “investigative reporter.” “Can you please tell me and the American people why you think that your life and the lives of the others on this video are in danger?” Falwell asked. “Two weeks ago we had an interview with a man who was an insider,” the dark figure replies. “His plane crashed and he was killed an hour before the interview. You may say this is just a coincidence, but there was another fellow that we were going to interview and he was killed in a plane crash. Are these coincidences? I don’t think so.”  The silhouette’s voice was recognized by investigative reporter Murray Wass, who finally got Pat Matrisciana to admit he was the mystery man. “Obviously, I’m not an investigative reporter,” Matrisciana confessed, “and I doubt that our lives were actually ever in any real danger. That was Jerry’s (Falwell’s) idea to do that… He thought that would be dramatic.”
False claims and faults In the Clinton Chronicles: 1. Although the video came advertised as a documentary, many who appeared in it got paid. Citizens for Honest Government ledgers show that the organization paid out more than $200,000 to individuals featured in the Clinton videos between 1994 and 1996. Nichols repeatedly claimed to have received no money but was in fact paid $89,000 according to the ledgers. Jim Johnson (enemy of Bill’s from Arkansas I posted about him here) received a new pickup truck, while Paula Jones and her husband received a paltry of $1,000 for their appearance in The Clinton Chronicles.         “We did not pay people to tell lies,” Martisciana told Salon magazine reporter Murray Wass. “We paid people so that they would no longer have to be afraid to tell the truth.” (lol faulty logic at it’s finest am I right ladies?)
2. Veteran reporter Carrier Rengers drew the assignment of reviewing The Clinton Chronicles for the resolutely Republican Arkansas Democratic-Gazette. “Apparently,” she commented tartly, “honesty isn’t necessary in videos.” She painstakingly debunked its most absurd assertions. Had then Governor Clinton really failed to balance Arkansas’s state budget even once? In fact, he had done so every year because state law forbids deficit spending. Had he, as the video alleged, issued a full pardon to a political supporter named Dan Lasater who was convicted of giving cocaine to his aquaninstences? Impossible, because Lasater had pleaded guilty to a federal crime.
Other things you should know: 1. Another Arkansan who joined with the Citizens for Honest Government was a former Saline County deputy sheriff named John Brown. Over a two year period between 1994 and 1995, Pat Martisciana paid the ex-homicide detective $28,000 for “investigative work,” on anti-Clinton videos and Brown appeared in two of them. He took the money, but soon came to take a jaundiced view of Matrisciana’s operation. Later on Brown, regretted his involvement with Martisciana. Although he had appeared on The New Clinton Chronicles (a revised but basically the same as the first edition version) and a second video titled Obstruction Of Justice, he contends that his remarks were scripted, electronically, altered and placed in a context that entirely changed their meaning. Moreover he says the same is true of virtually all the law enforcement officers who appear on Martisciana’s videos.                                                                                                                                                                                                    “If they’d had been halfway honest,” Brown explained to a Little Rock reporter, “they’d have called themselves Citizens against Democrats. Basically, they just wanted to play a game of connect the dots. Except that every picture had to show Bill Clinton’s face. They’d take somebody like Dan Lasater or even Roger Clinton, and find a way to tie everything they’d done wrong to Bill Clinton.”
    2. One possible explanation for Nichols’s erratic behavior and persistence of revenge towards Bill Clinton was his own addiction to the painkiller Dilaudid . By the time of the Clinton Chronicles, Nichols was gobbling pills buy the handful and staggering around in a daze much of the time. Dilaudid is a Schedule II narcotic with potentially fatal side effects, including suppressed respiration, mode disturbances, and impaired judgment.
Conclusion: The Clinton Chronicles was not based on fact but rather each of the men using the film to get back at the Clintons and further their agenda. Nichols still wanted revenge and Martisciana wanted money as well as revenge. Falwell wanted to use the film to further his political and religious agenda at the same time by going against the Clintons new age new democrat Liberal politics and portraying it as a sin.
Honorable mentions: 1. In a strange incident, Brown insisted he saw Nichols demonstrate his toughness by emerging from the bathroom having run an electric guitar cord through his scrotum. “That was it for me,” Brown exclaimed. “I got up in his face and told him if he ever came around me pilled up like that again, I would kick his ass and turn him in.” From that point forward, the former detective’s relationship with the Citizens for Honest Government deteriorated rapidly.” 2. On Monday, October 31, Jerry Falwell spoke before a Baptist preacher’s gathering in Little Rock. Originally scheduled to be held at Immanuel Baptist Church, where the President had worshiped during his years as governor, Falwell’s appearance had to be moved after Pastor Rex Horne refused to allow his church to be used for the event. Having watched The Old-Time Gospel Hour on cable tv, Horne felt that Falwell had blatantly violated the Ninth commandment by bearing false witness. “I happened to tune in on a Sunday morning,” he explained. “I saw Falwell promoting the video tapes that have been proven to be scurrilous and full of innuendo and falsehoods directed not just at the Clintons but other Arkansans. I could not, with good conscience , go along with it any longer. 3. Gary Johnson was in the Clinton Chronicles
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also here’s Nichols being interviewed on infowars pretty recently. Infowars is a youtube channel lots of Trump supporters watch so now you know lol. 
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msstate-crc-blog · 8 years ago
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Recovery to me means: Acceptance & Calm
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I soon felt it was time to go back to State. I knew I had something to offer this school now. Blake actually inspired me to come back to Mississippi State. My dad bought a house in Starkville, and I applied for admission at State again. Since then, I’ve been immersed in the CRC here, and I hope to re-establish what I built at the CRC in my previous school.
I am 100% confident that I am on the right road to recovery. I have been sober for 25 months now. The difference now is literally night and day. I try not to focus on myself; now, I try to focus on others. I feel I had a spiritual awakening, and I want to maintain that. With sufficient reasoning, I can handle almost any situation. I feel I have a strong support network here, and I know it will only get better as I get closer to people here. “It’s cool because I am kind of like the new guy in a way, but I’m not. I’m the old guy!”
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Recovery to me means “acceptance and calm.”
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The walls and floors in the small two-stall bathroom were covered in white tiles. The first stall was larger — big enough for both girls to fit inside.
“We definitely tried to make sure — if at all possible — that no one was in there. But if someone was, we would either flush the toilet or turn the sink on, so if we were snorting a line, they couldn’t hear it.”
They wouldn’t talk much in there. They had to be quick if they were going to make it to class. At lunchtime, they met up again — this time in the concrete outdoor bathroom near the cafeteria.
Estimating conservatively, McKiernan and her friend used more than $9,300 worth of cocaine during their final two years of high school.
That doesn’t include the money she spent on Parrot Bay rum nearly every weekend or the times she was short on cash and someone else would cover the cost. It doesn’t even include her summertime drug use, which was often more frequent but varied too widely to calculate.
To fund the drug abuse, McKiernan worked part time at a grocery store, and then at a pizza shop. Her friend worked as well, and the two split the cost of the drugs.
After high school, McKiernan’s drug use rose and fell depending on how much money she was making, and which friends she saw most often.
First, she stuck to cocaine. Then she tried meth and crack, but neither became a habit. Later, she tried muscle relaxers. By 21, her drug use grew to include heroin and powerful prescription painkillers.
Prescription opioids and illegal opioids like heroin caused more than 42,000 overdose deaths nationwide in 2016, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported. Last year, President Donald Trump said the ubiquitous cases of opioid addiction and deaths had become a national health emergency.
The first time McKiernan tried the Roxicodone pills, she balked at the $15-per-pill price tag.
But then, “I did it and it was so strong, and I thought, ‘This is why this costs so much money,’” McKiernan said.
Within a year, she was shooting up Roxicodone with the help of her boyfriend, who would eventually father her daughter Calie, now 8.
At Least $300 a Day on Drugs
By 22, McKiernan was a single mom to a 6-month-old daughter. She took a job as a dancer at a South Florida strip club.
There, she could make more than $1,000 in a single night. Suddenly flush with cash, McKiernan and her friends had more access to drugs.
She went from one pill at a time to buying 30 pills at once. At the time, that was only enough to last three days. Then she moved on to the Dilaudid pills, an even stronger opioid that cost her up to $30 each.
She spent two years taking between six and 10 Dilaudid pills a day.
While working at the strip club, McKiernan said she got close to one of her regulars, a wealthy South Florida businessman. Soon, she stopped going to the club, because he covered her expenses.
He rented her an apartment in a building near the beach. He bought her a series of high-end cars that she either wrecked or failed to maintain. And every time she saw him, he’d give her money that she would spend on drugs.
One weekend, he gave her $14,000 and she spent every penny of it on a hotel suite, drugs and alcohol for a party she had with a few friends.
On an average day, she spent about $300 on Roxicodone, Dilaudid or other drugs.
A conservative estimate of the cost of her regular drug abuse over the span of a decade is nearly $385,000.
That number does not include the amount she spent on alcohol or the periods she spent using less expensive street drugs. During those times, the cost of each drug and the length of time she used it varied too widely to come up with an accurate estimate.
Still, those costs were only slightly lower. When she was tight on cash and couldn’t afford the painkillers, she’d get heroin instead. That could cost between $80 and $120 a day.
Except for a few brief stints in rehab — one lasting 24 hours and the other 48 — that were each thwarted when the withdrawal symptoms kicked in, McKiernan didn’t give quitting a serious try until she was arrested in Martin County, Florida, with pills, marijuana and a crack pipe in her car in 2015.
She was 27 and faced a felony drug possession charge.
The Cost of Getting Sober
To avoid a felony conviction, McKiernan agreed to enroll in drug court, a substance abuse treatment program for first-time offenders. The agreement was that if she made it through the program successfully, her charges would be dismissed.
But as she soon learned, sobriety comes with costs, too.
McKiernan went through two rounds of drug court. The first lasted about four months. Each week, she had to pay $30 to cover the cost of mandatory drug testing and another $30 for counseling. If she missed or failed a drug test, she was off to jail.
That happened twice. The first time, she spent three nights in jail, and the second time it was two weeks.
“I used to pray for her to get arrested,” McKiernan’s mother, Pam, said. “If she’s in jail, she can’t do drugs. She won’t die.”
After being jailed the second time, McKiernan had two options left: Spend a court-ordered 10 months in a Pembroke Pines, Florida, rehabilitation facility for mothers fighting addiction or spend that time in jail.
She chose rehab, where she could be with her daughter.
For the next 10 months, McKiernan’s parents bore the brunt of the cost of their daughter’s addiction.
Every Friday, they drove the 90 miles south from their home in Hobe Sound, Florida, to Pembroke Pines to see McKiernan and pick up Calie. Then every Sunday, they would drive down again to bring Calie back to her mother. It cost about $45 in gas for the two round trips each weekend.
Over the span of 10 months, that’s $1,800 in gas alone.
On average, her parents spent another $100 a week paying for food and clothing for McKiernan and her daughter, while also making sure Calie had toys. That’s another $4,000.
But the thousands of dollars they spent in the 10 months McKiernan was in rehab was just the most recent of the expenses her parents took on from her addiction.
“The emotional part you can imagine,” Pam McKiernan said. “Lots of sleepless nights, lots of crying, lots of begging… But there’s the financial part, of course. We took care of Calie most of the time. So we had the extra expense of that.”
Before Amanda McKiernan went to rehab, most of the responsibility and the expense of child care for Calie fell on her parents’ shoulders. Day care alone cost between $85 and $120 each week for four years — more than $17,000 total.
Pam McKiernan estimates she and her husband spent at least an additional $10,000 helping to care for Calie and buying groceries for Amanda over the years.
And the expenses didn’t stop once McKiernan left rehab. She immediately had to begin her second round of drug court. That meant another six months of drugs tests and counseling sessions for $60 each week.
Her parents covered the cost for the first three months before McKiernan got a job at Dunkin’ Donuts. Her minimum wage pay was nothing compared to what she had pulled in as a dancer.
If she made that kind of money now, she probably wouldn’t be sleeping in a bottom bunk bed in her parents’ two-bedroom house. Her daughter sleeps on the top and her sister sleeps in a separate twin bed in the same room.
McKiernan said she visited her old strip club a couple times after she completed rehab and drug court.
“I would have to be high to work there, and I didn’t want to get high,” she said, making it clear that even if sobriety meant a financial setback, it was worth it.
The Lasting Costs Are Financial, Emotional
This summer, McKiernan was invited to speak to a group of people in drug court. Some were graduating, while others were just starting.
Among them was a graduate who managed to stay sober even after her sister’s overdose death and another just starting out who wasn’t sure if she’d be able to go without using for the next two weeks before her drug court officially began.
“I’m scared for them and their families,” McKiernan said after she spoke to the graduates who would no longer be required to take weekly court-ordered drug tests. “Tonight is going to be a hard night.”
For McKiernan, the past three years of sobriety have been about slowly forgiving herself, regaining the trust of her parents, rebuilding the relationship with her sister and making up for all the years she lost.
Weeks before her drug court speech, she quit her job at Dunkin’ Donuts. She graduated from a medical assisting program and got a new job that pays a bit better. She still can’t move out of her parents’ home yet, but that’s OK. She doesn’t want to rush things and get in over her head.
Her father is proud. He said he never thought he’d get to see her graduate from the medical assisting program. He couldn’t be happier about the change he’s seen in his oldest daughter.
The costs her parents bear now are minor in comparison to the years prior — their electric bill is a bit high because of the extra people at home.
But they don’t focus on that. Instead, they revel in having their daughter back. They work quickly to build up their retirement funds now that they have the money to do so.
“You don’t see the pain and the hurt that you’re causing while you’re in it,” McKiernan said. “Now, I have a kid. I would never want to go through what my parents went through — just not having any control and just wanting and wanting and wanting your kid back, and you can’t do anything about it.”
Occasionally, McKiernan will drive past where she was arrested or a place she used to use drugs. She has even crossed paths with her old dealer. He was happy to see her sober and didn’t try to offer her drugs.
These run-ins with her old life were tough at first. Now, they simply remind her of how far she has come.
If you or a loved one is in need of addiction treatment, click here to learn about affordable options.
Desiree Stennett (@desi_stennett) is a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
This was originally published on The Penny Hoarder, which helps millions of readers worldwide earn and save money by sharing unique job opportunities, personal stories, freebies and more. The Inc. 5000 ranked The Penny Hoarder as the fastest-growing private media company in the U.S. in 2017.
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Here’s How Much it Cost One Woman to Fund Her Drug Abuse, Then Get Sober published first on https://justinbetreviews.tumblr.com/
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thegloober · 6 years ago
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Market-based approaches solving the opioid epidemic
Mary first took oxycodone after a minor surgery and found she liked it. Returning to her surgeon a month later with vague ongoing pain, she received another prescription. Her primary care provider took over from there — until one day that physician checked a urine drug screen and a prescription monitoring program (PMP) report, only to find that she was obtaining various opioids from several providers. The physician cut her off and reported her to the PMP just as crackdowns on opioid prescribers arose. The prescriptions dried up. She tried buying pills from illicit sources but found that at roughly a dollar a milligram, the street price of prescription opioids can rapidly exceed a generous mortgage every month. A friend offered her heroin to stave off the shivering, vomitous withdrawals, and she accepted. She is now hooked on heroin.
The patient is not real, but her story is a true-to-life composite of dozens of patients who have recounted the same well-beaten pathway to heroin in my medication-assisted treatment (MAT) practice. These patients fall victim to the pull of narcotics on an opioid-adjusted brain, but they also fall prey to the invisible hand of inviolable market principles. For people stuck on these substances, prescription opioids are a product of “price inelasticity” — the economic principle that posits that the demand for some products stays steady no matter how steep the price. Many people will not be able to quit opioids simply because Medicaid stops paying the copays — but they will drift to the cheapest source of a substance that will fit tight into the opioid receptor and satisfy the withdrawals for another day or at least another hour. And if the price of that source rises, they will either pay it or find another product that will do the job.
Enter Suboxone and its key ingredient buprenorphine — the mainstay of MAT treatment in the primary care setting. Suboxone staves off withdrawals longer than most opioids and boasts a much preferable safety profile. But it is expensive at the pharmacy and on the street. The single largest “cost” of switching to the safer, milder buprenorphine molecule is the wait time it requires to find a prescriber who possess the X-waiver license necessary to prescribe this medication in the United States, to hope that prescriber has not reached their patient limit of 30 or 100 or 275, and to pray that your insurance — if you have insurance — covers the drug without cumbersome paperwork and limitations. That makes Suboxone a precious commodity, creating medical rationing and an inevitable robust black market for the life-saving substance.
The key to solving both the opioid epidemic and the unsavory black market for Suboxone may lie over the Atlantic Ocean. Faced with their own opioid epidemic several decades ago, France has allowed buprenorphine prescription from primary care offices for over 20 years without the strict licensure and limits in effect in the United States. This liberal prescribing policy has resulted in wide availability of buprenorphine and a lower overdose death rate for the country. The policy functions on a basic market principle: flood the market with a safer alternative that then becomes the preferred product of opioid users. Use the marketplace of personal choices to make Suboxone cheaper and more available than cut-rate, adulterated heroin, and people will flock to it.
While France’s liberal prescribing policies for Suboxone may seem revolutionary, the isolation of buprenorphine to a special class of medications requiring extra training and licensure is an outlier in American medical regulations. I can prescribe insulin, Dilaudid, and Xanax without any more training than I received in a routine family medicine residency, even though all three of these medications can exert consequences far more severe than buprenorphine. But I cannot prescribe buprenorphine without meeting strict requirements and being subject to surprise DEA audits.
Above and beyond bucking the drug-war trend toward draconian supervision of opioid use disorder treatment, utilizing market-based approaches requires a fundamental belief that patients with substance use disorders are not crazed, irrational beings that have been hijacked by an exogenous molecule. Instead, patients with opioid use disorder are rational actors in their own lives who follow similar decision trees as anyone else: if you are ill, you seek to treat that illness effectively. If you are in pain, you seek means of relieving that pain. And just as a cash-strapped college student might comparison shop and clip coupons, individuals with opioid use disorder will find the means of satisfying their needs via the most financially expedient pathway that presents itself. If heroin is the cheapest fix on the market, users will choose heroin. If the safer, longer-acting Suboxone is that rational choice, users will choose Suboxone.
In a situation where the most rational choice is subsidized, widely available Suboxone, patients are free to make rational market-based choices that support their health, rather than paths of least financial resistance that result in exposure to impure substances, injection site or systemic infections, and street crime. We have only to correct the fundamental market mistakes of the drug war – especially the ludicrous assumption that banning an addictive chemical will result in anything but a sharp rise in black market supplies and the violence that accompanies prohibition — and move forward with policy choices that mesh with fundamental principles of human behavior.
Julie Craig is a family physician who blogs at America, Love It or Heal It.
Image credit: Shutterstock.com
Source: https://bloghyped.com/market-based-approaches-solving-the-opioid-epidemic/
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beniceorleave · 7 years ago
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Update for those who only know me on here
My baby daddy ex boyfriend currently Jason went to jail early in May I bonded him out 5 days later 2 days after that I ended up getting picked up on a PC or probable cause warrant, we have our daughter during this entire time and I got money from one of our mutual friends that sold dope I stayed with her but when I say with her there wasn't anything going on I didn't stay in the house with her. He decided to sell dope with my daughter and let junkie prostitutes watch over her while he went to go make moves in order to bond me out the entire time he's making enough money to get high also. I was clean the entire time. The last two months of my pregnancy and then up until about May 20th when I got bonded out. And when I say I was clean up into the last 2 months of my pregnancy I was smoking weed and my OBGYN new it they said it was fine just don't let it show up in your system or the baby system when you give birth. Now fast-forward back to May 20th 2017, I have a court date the day before I get bonded out and I'm thinking it's them adding on some bullshit charge 2 two different felonies I took the rap for, for my lovely boyfriend Jason because he did not have an ID card so I went and did something and pawn something that I did not know at the time was stolen but regardless now I'm facing that. I go to court and DCF says we took your child from the father's care due to fear for her safety. So I can have jailed in that stay well really it was technically I believe Saturday morning at 2 a.m. they let me out we head back to this mutual friend of ours house you can already guess it's a trap house we are homeless now his mother does not want to staying with them since he was stupid enough to lose the baby so we go and we take a bunch of beans or ecstasy. That's what starts it and then I hit this depression because I was steadily breastfeeding and now I don't have that part of my life anymore. A little bit after that we are bouncing around friends house to friends house to wherever we can get in really no one wants to help us now because we don't have the baby. June hits and so does my inheritance check $20,000 which we get a $5,000 check a week before because I was trying to get a loan on it and instead of the attorneys letting me do that they just sent me a $5,000 check and so don't worry about taking a loan out instead of a sending you the 20,000 next week we'll just send you $15,000. We go ahead and we take a look at cars we take a look at places but there's only one thing stopping us, job verification. Pay stubs. So we go ahead and we buy new clothes and new shoes so we have something to ourselves because we're wearing ragged ass clothes I'm still wearing the leggings I wore when I was pregnant so we go and buy new stuff and in the middle of that he's flashing the money to people that he knows and everyone he knows are dealers are hustlers. Somewhere in between getting new clothes and hanging out with one of his friends I started smoking crack again and to come down he would shoot me with a pill so I started that again but let me make a note he never stopped. He was in my delivery room while I was in the labor shooting up in the bathroom telling me he was going to stop the drugs after our daughter was born and he never did and it's somehow my fault. It's somehow my fault because he got me off of everything when I got pregnant besides smoking weed so I didn't have to be on psych meds, and I couldn't help him get off the drugs he continue them. Let's fast forward now getting back to end of June early July it's almost 4th of July and we're wandering around the neighborhood and I remember wanting to cry looking at all of the fireworks and thinking what's my daughter's face look like what's the family that has her doing right now? She was placed with a foster family that I know for a fact lives in my father's neighborhood somewhere in the Tyrone area but I don't know where. We had a court date with DCF we're giving Tuesdays and Thursdays for visitation and we were going to that but we were fucking up because we were getting so high before hand and for him he wasn't showing it but I was I was dropping weight like crazy. Now August 4th he got picked up right after we just got done getting high he had the loaded pipe on him he also had a rig on him and a half a bag of heroin. He's been in jail since because we're both on bond and with him getting arrested on sales of meth and crack cocaine to 2 narc detective's and to possession charges cancelled out his bond. Did I completely abandon him maybe about two weeks before he got arrested he had me start posting up on Backpage and robbing John's. He was taking all of the money that I robbed them for which was a petty $50 here 80 bucks there and going to get high with it and then getting mad at me like physically angry and abusive towards me because I would get upset and ask I can't get the wash of that pill? I can't get a hit of crack? You're doing it right in front of me you're sharing with all these people in this vacant house where were squatting and you're trying the fuck out of me and I'm going to stand up for myself even if you do hit me. He kicked me in the face and smashed his phone against my jaw trying to break it because while we still had the money someone broke his jaw hitting him in the head with a bat because he was flossing it too much so for roughly four weeks his job was wired shut until he just unwired it himself and that's about the time he had me robbing the John. I know I'm sorry I'm going back and forth between time periods but things are coming back to me as I'm telling the story. He got caught and I went with one of his friends a female who felt bad for me and called him out on his ship because she knew what he was doing she knew how he was talking to me and she also knew that he was making me lie because of his mistakes because of his actions. And it killed her she took care of me and we got a hotel room I did what I had to do after he got arrested. I took that as a chance to say I can leave him and be on my own safely and not worry about him coming after me because I want to leave him. He still writes me he still tries to call me I'm still keeping it as kosher as I can with his mother because his mother is not the problem he used to hit his mother and abuse his mother too. So I'm talking to his mom he comes my important documents and Al all my clothes are still there. And I'm in the hospital right now I've been in the hospital since Wednesday I have MRSA I am positive for hep C because of all the needles I've shared probably. I have five other unknown bacterial infections my liver shutting down and I just looked at myself in the mirror and I don't have an ass anymore my skin is all scabbed up I look disgusting my face is scabbed up scarred up. I don't know how I got this far into a depressive state where I did all the drugs I got onto meth real bad I had a 6-day meth binge at one point I was doing fake Blues I was doing heroin I was doing Dilaudid I was doing Roxy's I was doing crack cocaine I was doing everything. And the only reason I admitted myself into the hospital was because I got an abscess early August and it wasn't healing so that was concerning me and I have this sciatic nerve pain shooting down my right leg making it impossible for me to move turns out I have something inside my body that's attacking it and killing it and if I didn't come to the hospital when I did I would probably be dead in the next week or so. Am I blaming this all on Jason? No because when he got arrested I did not have to go into the Steep of a depression and go to drugs to numb everything but he didn't getting our daughter taken when I was in jail really set the fire and really got me to not give a fuck anymore
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My First Foray Into Medical Marijuana
(This will be a two-part series) 
Why did I want to try Medical Marijuana?
I have battled with Lyme Disease and co-infections for over five years. As a result I developed a painful auto-immune condition wherein my body attacks my nerves and brain instead of pathogens. I can’t rid myself of the co-infections because taking antibiotics makes auto-immune issues worse and the pain is severe. Recently the pain has become unbearable and nothing will quell it. 
I have worked with two different hospital’s pain management teams trying everything from opiates and pain meds like Fentanyl, Methadone, Morphine and Dilaudid to nerve meds like Lyrica and Neurontin. I have tried anti-inflammatory drugs and even drugs in an off-use way like seizure meds and psychiatric drugs to no avail. Meditation? Ha! Tapping? Pure silliness! Mind over matter? Go fuck yourself. 
So when my doctor recently got his license to prescribe medical marijuana he thought I should try it. 
My friend concurred, sending me this video he recently watched by a Buzzfeed editor who suffers from a painful nerve condition and her attempt at trying MMJ to quell her pain. 
Still I was reticent. I hated weed and always have. I first tried smoking a joint with my first boyfriend when I was a teen. It made me feel racy, my heart pound and all I could think about is how I could make the high end. I kept fixating on how if a fire started or my appendix burst I would be too high to coherently convey the issue and get  help. I’m neurotic and weed makes me more so.
Add to that my ex-husband was a pot head which lead to our divorce and I was wary. My ex-boyfriend Amir has smoked weed everyday for the last 20+ years. I didn’t want to be tethered to anything in that way and be like Amir who furtively has dealers come to his house at 2am or who’d meet us on vacation to drop off weed. I didn’t want my apartment to smell like herb on the reg either. 
Obviously I smoked weed a bunch of time over the years, never with good results. More recently I tried an edible. Made me feel a bit off and craving gummy bears. Not worth it. 
A friend in Michigan relayed to me that she tried an edible from a dispensary recently and ended up in the ER thinking she was going to die. 
My doctor assured me that he’d prescribe only the low-THC variety which would not make me high, but should have strong painkilling properties. 
In the interim he sent me via mail a CBD oil to try out. (I haven’t done so yet.)
The application process: 
My doctor filled out the application form online for me, stopping frequently in the process to lament how antiquated and wonky the DOH’s online application system was. The man who never gets flustered was audibly so throughout. 
MMJ is only approved for a few conditions. Cancer is one as is nerve pain. PTSD is listed but way harder to prove. 
Once the doctor’s application was sent I had to also log on and fill out a request form. 
There is a question that asks if the applicant has any first degree family members who are schizophrenic. My mother is, so this gave me pause. 
It required me to prove I lived in NY and provide a head shot. Because I do not know how to drive it was a bit troublesome. I tried to submit my IDNYC card, but it was not accepted. Thankfully I had a copy of my lease, passport and bank statement. 
A thing to note: The Department of Health Medical Marijuana Program’s website is a nightmare. It is confusing and wonky. It takes a billion steps to do one thing and if you have to resubmit something there is no way to sign back in and edit your application. It just brings you to a page to start a new one but then notes you already have an application filed. It is a vicious, anxiety-inducing cycle. Calling isn’t much better. It is nearly impossible to get a real person to help you in real-time who knows how to navigate the online system. You can leave a message, but when the person returned my call she didn’t leave a name or extension so I had no way of reaching her back to submit what she requested. I found emailing was way more effective. Finally I sussed it all out. 
Once submitted, my doctor quickly confirmed with the DOH that I was indeed his patient pictured. 
I finally got my card in the mail -- took less than a month. 
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Setting up the appointment: 
The next step was to go online and find a dispensary. Turns out there is only one in Manhattan.  It is located in the East Village. Thankfully its website was easy to use. I filled out a medical history form and chose an appointment time. They were readily available. I chose 4:20pm for the following week because I am who I am. It’s important to have a sense of humor no matter how much pain or despair you have. 
The Visit
On the day of my appointment I showed up to the East 14th Street office about 20 minutes early. On the corner were two junkies sprawled out on Third Avenue. I climbed over them and headed to the clinic. 
I rang the bell and finally got buzzed in by a overly tanned, bouncer-looking guy with slicked back hair. His overly large gold insignia ring and Sopranos-esque demeanor was off-putting. Still, I soldiered on. I assumed his bravado was there to “weed” out fakers. (See what I did there?)
I went to the reception desk where a young guy with dyed platinum hair was commenting on the soundtrack the dispensary was playing. 
The whole place with its weird characters and carnival-type music lent itself to a Lynchian vibe. 
The clerk at the desk was telling the bouncer guy that the music was 1950′s novelty tunes. The song playing was actually called “The Purple People Eater Meets the Witch Doctor.” Trippy!
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I took a seat and took in my environment. 
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The reception and waiting area was long and narrow; I’d estimate it is about 500 square feet. The sparse decor is mid-century modern meets bunker. There is a large screen monitor displaying information about the program, which made it seem more like a store than a medical clinic.  
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The other patients in the waiting area included an elderly couple and a young Asian mom with her two young kids. Later a man wearing aviators and camo shorts came in followed by a be-suited man. 
At exactly 4:20pm (they are exact!) I was beckoned to the sealed off area. The pregnant pharmacist who tended to me was lovely and very thoroughly went over my medical history and concerns. She was familiar with my exact auto-immune condition (few people are) and was very encouraging. I shared my fears about feeling out of control or high, and she reiterated I would not be permitted to have any high-THC products anyway because my mother is schizophrenic and THC can cause some mental issues. 
She said I would only be offered low THC products which are ideal for nerve pain. 
Turns out there is no actual weed in the clinic anyway. There are three products: tinctures -- drops to be used under the tongue; pills; and vape pens -- to smoke oil.
She said that the first two were basically the same and the pen was to supplement each. So one would take two pills or use the tincture twice a day, and for added, more immediate relief, one could take a puff or two of the vape pen. 
I asked about side effects and she said basically there aren’t any negative ones to worry about. Some people feel more alert and energetic. 
I opted to buy a week’s supply of both the pills and tincture to ascertain which was most effective for me and one vape pen (90 puffs.) That came to over $200 and would last only roughly two weeks. So this is quite costly. A month’s supply of pain relief (if it works) would cost over $400. And of course insurance doesn’t cover any of this. I’m actually surprised in a city as moneyed and as big at Manhattan there is only one dispensary. 
My friend in Michigan got to try out multiple locations and a far bigger array of products as did the woman in the video in Los Angeles. 
I left with my bag of supplies, eager to try them. 
The second part of this series will come in a week or two once I have had a chance to try each product, including the original CBD oil. 
Stay turned. 
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