#Whenever I want to break out into tears and ugly ugly words I take a small moment to read the kind words I get. Or the nice art I see.

[ray-elgatodormido]

I am going through a rough time. A very rough time. So I just want to take the time to express how every little like, every little comment, every little reblog and every little post from moots or others brings a little smile to my face.

And it warms my heart to see my ocs being well received. Genuinely thank you.

[thesassypadawan]

Spring Has Sprung (Master Anakin x FemPadawanReader)

Summary: This isn’t how you imagined your first time would be like. You thought it would be romantic, loving. That all changed though when your master was infected by a sex pollen during a mission. Taking what he’s always wanted, whether you like it or not, and…showing you a side of yourself that you never knew.

Warnings: 18+ (minors dni), because of all the lovely smut. Sex pollen, hair pulling, rough sex, age gap implied (20 years), and Ani’s big dick. Padawan Reader is of age.

Notes: Happy First Day of Spring, lovelies!

“I’m sorry, angel… So sorry… I promise to make this up to you… To give you the moment you deserve…”

Despite his compassionate words, Anakin’s voice was low. Filled with lust, laced with darkness. A darkness that sent a chill down your spine, straight to your soaking core.

You let out a small whine as he slid in and out of you. Slow, teasing; pushing you further to your limit each time his hips pressed against yours.

With your ass high in the air, Ani kept his steady pace. Brushing your cervix with his tip, making you whimper…causing him to growl.

From the way his grip on your hips begins to tighten and how his thrusts grew more forceful. You could tell that what little of his self-control was quickly slipping away. That he would no longer be able to hold back. “Don’t be scared.”

This isn’t how you imagined your first time would be like. You had always pictured, had always hoped that it would be gentle…loving…the most romantic moment of your life. Instead it was being stolen away; stripped and reformed into something entirely different. Something more twisted and ugly. All thanks to the pollen…the pollen that had infected your master.

Well, at least one piece of your dream had come true…

He grabbed the back of your neck. Squeezing hard, enough to cause you to gasp out in pain and terror. “Do you know how many times I’ve fantasized about this?”

Organic hand moved higher, burying itself into your hair. “About the way you’d look beneath me.”

Pulling harshly, he yanked your head up. Hips now moving at a brutal speed. Length slamming into you over and over while you whined helplessly. “The feel of you clenching around my cock.”

Mecho hand slapped your ass painfully and you cried out. A small flame of pleasure igniting inside of you. “The sounds you’d make as I break in your tight, virgin pussy.”

A moan spilled from your lips. “Yes…please, yes.” That broke off in a high pitched mewl as his cold fingers brushed your clit.

You can practically hear the smirk in Anakin’s voice. “Please, huh? Please, what?” He pulled your hair roughly, the burn on your scalp sending shivers down your spine.

He pinched at your sensitive bud, swirling around it. Your walls fluttered in response and a gasp flew from your mouth. “Master! Please, master! Break me in and make me yours!”

“Better,” he grunted, tugging even harder. “Now tell me, who does this pussy belong to?”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, the sting so overwhelmingly good. “You. It belongs to you.”

Removing his fingers, he lands another powerful smack on your ass. Pulling you up higher by your hair, he forces himself deeper. “What was that, padawan of mine? Couldn’t hear you.”

No words, all you manage to do is squeal in delight. Ani’s fingers were toying with your clit once more, his hips thrusting frantically. The sound of your obscene slapping only spurred you on, clinging to every inch of his rock-hard length,

Not answering him properly earned you a low, warning growl. Then a sharp tug, your neck snapping back. “Aargh! You, my pussy belongs to you!”

You felt his hot breath on your neck, followed by his teeth sinking into your shoulder. “That’s right, only your master’s. To cum and ruin whenever he pleases.”

No longer fighting your torn emotions, you let yourself get swept up in Anakin’s words. Your whole-body trembles, you clamp down hard. Fingers dig into the mattress and your toes curled. “Maaa…Master!” You wailed, your orgasm ripping though you.

Spent; you begin to fall forward, but are yanked back up. “Not yet! I’m not finished with you yet!”

His hand slid to your hip, squeezing it with a durasteel grip. He pounds into you without remorse. Bruising and abusing your poor cervix, while he chases after his own release.

It’s all too much, you’re so overstimulated. Tears stream down your face as the pain sets in. As the realization hits you…that you’re being used as nothing more than his personal cocksleeve. And maker help you, you have never been more aroused. “Cum! Cum, please! Want it! Need it!”

A loud groan filled the air. “Take it! Don’t you dare waste a single drop!” With one last forceful pull, he buried himself to the hilt. Cock twitching, shooting rope after thick rope deep inside of you. Filling you to the absolute brim.

Both panting, the hand in your hair slackened. Now gently massaging your poor overtaxed scalp. “I-I wasn’t too rough; was I, hatari?”

Anakin’s actions… His words… The pollen must have worn off...

Head tipping forward, you laughed softly. Relief with a hint of disappointment washing over you. “Nothing I-I couldn’t handle.”

Peace had fallen… Your Ani had returned to you… It was finally…

His grip began to tighten, hips slowly started to rock. And that voice; that voice filled with lust, laced with darkness muttered. “Good then you’ll be able to take much MUCH more.”

Tag List: @espinathena-17, @myheartwillgoon2022, @cacti5539, @wifeofasith, @princessswifie

[spiceofvy]

SKZ - Reader get's insecure during sex

cw: gender neutral reader, nsfw, insecurities, body image issues, comfort, lots of praise, bottom reader (Minho), mirror sex (Minho), overstimulation (Jeongin), my Changbin bias is very obvious in this one

Chan: Kisses you softly after your confession. Worried about what made you feel that way. He feels so sad that someone or something in your past made you so insecure, that you even feel uncomfortable around him. Wants to make sure you don't ever feel like that again. "Let me take your mind off it, I promise I will make you feel better." From now on whenever you have sex he spends a ton of time complimenting you and caressing your body. Worshiping you, holding you close as he tells you again and again how lucky he is to get to see you in such a vulnerable position.

Minho: when you tell him he is taken aback a bit. He loves you so much, so he can't understand how you could not love yourself. "Can we try something? I wanna show you how beautiful you are." as he pulls you in front of his mirror, and fucks you in front of it. Making you look at yourself as you cum. Holding your face tightly so you can't break eye contact with yourself. After he is finished he carries you to the bathtub and slowly washes you body, whispering sweet praise into your shoulders.

Changbin: This man does not allow any kind of insecurities in his bedroom. He will worship it all out of your system. He lays you out in front of him and starts kissing every piece of skin. Every curve or angle. Every knuckle, every spot. While whispering the sweetest words into your ear. Calling you pet names. Tells you how beautiful you are to him. How perfect. How grateful he is to be able to touch you. And touching you he does. He probably makes you cum during so. And afterward, he holds you, not caring if he came too. He holds you and kisses your temple, promising the world to you. "So pretty. So perfect. My stunning love. I will not let you believe that you are anything but beautiful."

Hyunjin: He looks you dead in the eyes and pulls out his sketchbook showing all the stunning pieces of art he did inspired by you. Portraits of you with intricate sketches and watercolors are all so beautiful that it takes your breath away. "Would you call my art ugly too? Then why do you insult my muse like that?" He then makes some very slow love with you. Whispering in your ear how he hopes to someday draw you in a situation like this too.

Jisung: "Noooo babe, you're too hot to be insecure." He tries to pull a joke to put you into a better mindset. But in reality he is so heartbroken because he loves you so much and he wants you to always feel like the amazing person you are. Kisses you for a long time as you slowly makes love to you. He softly touches you all over you body, caressing your skin, telling you all his favorite parts of your body. Which are to no surprise: all of them.

Felix: He looks so devastated. He knows how terrible body image issues feel and to know that you feel like that too, it breaks his heart. He believes that you are too amazing to go through stuff like that, and that the world is so unfair to make you feel like that. Bites back some tears as he holds you tightly. "Please don't ever question your beauty." You have a deep conversation about insecurities, and how to deal with them. Afterwards he starts kissing you softly, and you making out turns into slow sex again.

Seungmin: He understands how you feel. He struggled with insecurities before and so he puts everything he has into making sure you can feel better. He whispers soft compliments into your skin as he slowly pushes you over the edge. During aftercare he wraps you in your favorite blanket and as he feeds you snacks he tells you about how he overcame his own insecurities. "You are the most beautiful person in this world, believe me please."

Jeongin: Oh sweet soft boy. He takes it slow. Pressing kisses to your skin. Holding you softly. He tells you how amazing you look to him. How lucky he is to have you. As he slowly kisses down your body. Whispering love into your thighs, looking up to you like you're the world. "Please let me show you just how beautiful I think you are." He makes you cum a lot that night. Whispering the softest words into your ear as he slowly pushes you into overstimulation.

[imyourbratzdoll]

Hello my beautiful bubs💗 so I see you added Max Burnett to your list and like to request a little angsty and fluff. 

So Maybe him and reader get into a ugly and heated argument or he leaves her with no explanation like he does in the movie but then they End up fixing everything after awhile. 

hey baby! I hope you like what I wrote!

summary - max left you with a word, causing you to go through many stages of heartbreak until you finally meet again after 5 years.

warning - angst, swearing, heartbreak, no happy ending.

the gif I use isn't mine, divider by @newlips and @firefly-graphics

He told you to meet him here. You were sure of it. You had reread the address and time he sent, not wanting to disappoint him. You waited anxiously on the bed, gnawing your bottom lip as you whipped your head from the door to your phone. You turned it on and went to the messages, opening his contact.

Max❤: Meet me at our spoken place, you know what room. No, later than 12.

You looked at the time, noting it was now an hour past 12, and you were all alone. You scrolled through the messages you had sent him.

You: I’m here. 12:00 seen

You: Max? Where are you? 12:05 seen

You: Max? 12:15 seen

You stared sadly at your last message.

You: I see… You’re not coming… 1:00 message could not be delivered

You blinked back the tears, wondering if you would’ve seen the signs beforehand if you weren’t so stupidly in love. You would’ve rathered him break things off face to face instead of leaving you like this. Did he even care about you? Were you nothing to him? All these thoughts ran through your head as you stared at the wall, not bothering to wipe the tears that rolled down your cheek away. You must’ve been there for a long time because you were only brought out of your zoned-out state when someone entered the room, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder and asking if you were okay. You painfully smiled, nodding your head before leaving. You made your way home, feeling drained of all emotion, not knowing if you’ll ever feel okay again. 

You slowly stripped from your clothes, turned the shower on and entered. Your head rested against the cool tile, letting the water run down your body as tears fell from your eyes. Your heart hurt more than ever, squeezing harshly inside your chest as if someone had reached inside and begun to squeeze. Your sobs filled the quietness of your apartment, showing you how alone you really were. Once you were finished with your shower, you slowly got out and dried yourself, dressing in your comfy clothes before crawling into your bed, ignoring the harsh rumbles in your stomach, begging for food, ignoring the dryness of your throat. You just wanted to close your eyes and never wake again. 

It had been about five years since Max left you without a goodbye and a shattered heart. You spent the first year numb, barely living or feeling anything. Your friends and family didn’t see or hear from you, and when they did, they noticed that you barely took care of yourself. They tried convincing you to go to therapy, but you stared at them blankly. Barely even hearing a word they spoke to you.

The second year, you spent grieving. Your feelings came crashing down on you one day, and you couldn’t stop the dam from breaking. You’d cry whenever you saw something that reminded you of him, and you’d cry if you saw his name or someone who looked like him. You’d cry when you came home and saw things he had gifted you or the jumper he had left behind. The people in your life were still worried, but they were relieved you were at least feeling something now, taking more care of yourself than the previous year. 

And now we are here. For the remaining years, you became cold, heartless, and mean. You had built walls so damn high around your heart that no one could penetrate it. This is what caused the meeting you walked into. Your friends and family sat in your loungeroom as you walked into your apartment, staring at you worriedly. Throwing excuses that they care about you, they're worried about your well-being, and that you need to get help. You left, slamming the door behind you and heading to the closet bar. You sat on the stool and ordered a whiskey, needing something strong. You barely took notice of the man sitting beside you, rolling your eyes as other seats were available.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you drink whiskey.” You scowled, knowing who was now sitting beside you by the voice. Max smirked, leaning against the counter. “What, no hug?” You skulled the rest of your drink, slamming the glass down before slowly turning toward him, noticing the smug look on his face. 

You smirk, causing his brows to furrow as confusion takes over his features before you raise your fist and slam it into his face, hearing the crunch of his nose. You slam some bills down onto the counter and begin to walk off, exiting the bar to get as far away from that asshole as possible. You rolled your eyes, clenching your jaw, when you heard him following behind you. “Hey! Wait up!” You don’t. You just pick up your pace until he grabs hold of your arm and spins you, quickly raising his hands as you go to punch him again. “I just want to talk.”

“Talk?” You growl, stepping closer to the man. “Now you just want to talk? After five fucking years, you finally want to fucking talk?!” You scream, punching his chest until he grabs your wrists and stares at you. You huff, glaring at him. “I don’t want to talk, Max. I want you to fuck off. I want to return to five years ago and get the shattered pieces of my heart back.” You lick your lips, “I want to go back to before I met you so that I could have never met you and fallen for your stupid words and your stupid face. I want to be me again, but guess what? I can’t! Because I fell for you.”

He raises a brow, gulping as he continues to stare at you. He took in how beautiful you had gotten and how your sweet scent wafted through the air and into his nose. He missed you and feels it’s too late to make it up to you, but god, he will try his hardest too. “Are you done?” 

“Let me go, you asshole.” You growl. You wouldn’t let him back in. You couldn’t. You don’t know if you’ll survive another heartbreak and aren’t willing to try.

“Just listen to me, okay? I’ve been looking for you for five years.” You scoff, rolling your eyes at his words. “It’s true, goddamit, Y/n! Will you just fucking listen to me.” 

“Or what? What are you going to do, huh? What’s worse than you pretending to fucking love me and then leaving me without so much of a word?” Your glare sharpens, desperately wanting to get far away from him. 

“For fuck sake! I didn’t pretend to fucking love you! I still fucking love you! I didn’t have a fucking choice, okay?!” Your brows furrow, wondering what the fuck he means by that. Max sighs. “They were onto you and me. They threatened to hurt you if I met or even spoke to you. It took me four years to get away from them, to get them off my radar. You disappeared. I’ve been looking for you to ensure they didn’t do anything. Fuck! I didn’t want to fucking hurt you!” 

You shake your head, not wanting to believe him. You couldn’t. Sure, you still had some love for him, but you couldn’t put yourself through that again. Max cups your cheeks, looking into your eyes with his tear-filled ones. “Please, just give me a chance… Even as a friend, I just… Please, I need to have you in my life.” You shrug against him, stepping back and away from him. 

“I don’t know… Maybe in another life, but I don’t know if I can put myself through that again.” You swallow the sob that tries to pass your lips before turning away from him and walking away, holding back the tears that want to fall.

“Y/n! Please!” He cries vision blurred with tears as he watches you leave him like he left you. 

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[scarletwinterxx]

wait for your love - haechan scenario

hellloooo so this one is a request. I've mentioned it before, i'm still not the best at writing angst but I try😅 when i saw this request, a few scenes immediately popped in my head. Hope you like it🥺 also I was listening to We Can't Be Friends by Ariana on repeat while writing this.

Also a short anecdote, when I saw nct dream last year during Sorry, Heart stage I literally bawled my eyes out. Like full on ugly sobbing in my seat haha I was okay during the first verse but when it got to Haechan's turn to sing the chorus the tears just went falling like waterfalls

ANYWAYSSSSSS

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

and if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

"What are we then?"

Those words shouldn't scare Haechan as much as it does. He hates it too. He hates how he can't say it to you but he doesn't want to let you go either.

He hates this grey area the two of you are in now.

"We're us. Isn't that enought?" he asks back

"For fuck's sake, we've been seeing each other for what? like 2 years now? And until now you still can't commit? I can't call you my boyfriend, you don't like it when people ask if we're dating"

"Because it's none of their fucking business"

"Well it's my business, I'm asking you right now, what the hell am I to you?" you stare at him, waiting for an answer. Any answer.

At this point hearing him say you don't mean anything to him would make more sense than the usual silence he'd give you.

"Baby, please I don't want to argue" he mumbles

"See, this is what you do all the time. I'm not a play toy. I'm not some past time you can call whenever you're bored, Haechan. We're adults now. I've invested my time, my feelings, a fraction of my life to you. For this. And you can't even answer me, is that too much to ask? Am I too much?"

You look at him, waiting for him to argue back. You didn't know it was this draining to be in a relationship or situationship or whatever it is you have with him. At some point you got tired of asking him what this all means. When it's clear he's not going to answer you, you stood up from your seat

"I can't do this" you whispered

"What?"

"I can't. I can't do what you're asking, Haechan" you speak clearer this time

He waits a few moments, letting the words sink in.

"What do you mean? I thought you said... you said we can"

With every word he tries not to show he's breaking right and the only thing keeping him together is you, and here you are about to slip through his fingers.

"We can't keep all promises, right? Like how you promised you'll try. This isn't trying."

"Baby-" "Don't" you cut him off. You know it will be a lot harder to walk away if you hear him call you that, it's already hard on you now.

"This is me letting you go" were your last words to him before walking away. You wipe the few tears that escaped, plastering a very fake smile before taking the first step away.

One of many you'd try to take just to get away from this heartbreak.

You would want to say that's not how it ended, that he changed his mind and finally mustered the courage to call you and say what he's really thinking. You want to say that he came the next day and surprised you, knocking on your door holding sunflowers for you.

But no.

After that day you never heard from him again. When you got the (unspoken) message that he'll never try to reach out and fix things between the two of you, you blocked him on everything. Your friends didn't ask questions, you went on with your life. Trying your best to bury and let that part of your story go.

From spending every day and most nights together to being strangers. You acted like he never existed to cover up the hurt you're feeling.

It's been over a year since that. You haven't really cried about it. Not even the day after he left. It's like you're just a shell now. You locked everything in a pandora box in your head, to be forgotten for the rest of time.

"Hey did you hear Dreamers new song?" your roommate asks the moment she steps through the door. You were sitting on the dinning chair, stacks of works and your laptop infront of you

She hears the song playing in the background, "Of course you have, it's good right?" she smiles

"Mhm, I like it"

"Sorry, Heart. Definitely an anthem for the broken hearted" she says withouth meaning out, "I meant like you know it's a sad song" she adds

You chuckle, she probably thinks this song is very fitting for you and you kinda agree with her.

"Anyways, I'm going to the lounge later. Want to come with?"

"Sounds good, I actually need to go out, stretch my legs and get some fresh air"

"Okay, let's leave after lunch"

You met with other friends at the lounge, chatting and sharing notes together. It was a good way to pass time. These days you find that it's best to keep yourself occupied so as not to think about things you'd rather not think about. You kept yourself busy. Finding random hobbies, fixation. For a while you liked running after class, then you got into baking, then crocheting. Activities that keeps you busy, distracted long enough not to remember.

One day you were at a record store, your newest hobby. Browsing for a new record to take home. Today out of the days you forgot to bring your headphones so you hum along the music playing in the store.

While reading the back of the record you were holding, you hear it.

A familiar voice you haven't heard in a long time, a voice you didn't think you'd hear again.

Your head shoots up, looking at the other side of the aisle.

You'd know his voice anywhere. You can be inside the loudest room and you'd still be able to single out his voice.

There he stands right across you, signing out your favorite bands newest song while he has his headphones on. Probably not realizing he's singing a bit too loud.

When Haechan felt someone staring at him, he looks up not expecting you to be looking back at him. He blinks a few times, comtemplating if this was all a dream or he's going crazy and started to hallucinate.

Immediately you put back the record you were holding and ran out the store. Once again leaving Haechan behind.

You're already far by the time he takes the steps to follow you, thinking this time he's not going to make the same mistake but you were already gone.

He knows you blocked him. Of course he tried to call you but his efforts were shut down when he couldn't reach you or his messages won't deliver.

Similar to you, he tried to find distractions. To drown out the thoughts, he drinks, goes out to parties, too many nights he drunk texted you, saying how much he missed you only to see it in the morning unsent. Most of the time there's music directly blasting through his ears. Music being his only escape from his own thoughts, if he's left long enough it's like his own mind is beating him up.

That's how he got into collecting records. He was on the look out for this new record so he decided to drop by the store that day. He didn't expect to see you there.

Out of all the places he'd see you again.

He's not going to lie, he imagined this moment many times before. Even rehearsed what he'd say to you when he see you again but now that it happened he just froze on the spot.

Just like that it's like he back in his room, watching you walk out his door for the last time. He's back to square one.

It's been weeks and no sign of Haechan. It's a good thing, you think.

Also you've been subtly avoiding going to public places just in case you accidently see him again. You thought you're ready, but the moment you saw him it's like all of these emotions you've repressed since you left came back again.

Your roommate finally convinced you to come out. A few of you were gathering for karaoke night. You almost said no again but you need a night out, one more night in your room might just drive you crazy.

"Oh my gosh, girlie you're hereeeee" one of your friends squeals when she saw you walk in the room

"I'm here as a spectator, not to sing" you tell her, accepting the bottle of beer she hands you

"Alright by me, you better cheer the loudest when I sing"

You got invited to karaoke night. A couple of students from campus got together tonight to hang out for chill night. Even though you don't really sing, you do enjoy hanging out with your friends.

You were talking to another friend when suddenly you hear the intro to a familiar song being sung by a familiar voice.

왜 이리도 쉽게 토라지는지? (Why do I become mad so easily) 내 맘이 작아서 너무 한심하지? (It's pathetic that my heart is so small right?)

You look over the makeshift stage to see Haechan holding the mic, singing out one of your favorite songs.

어떻게 널 볼까? (How can I see you?) 밤새 뒤척인 맘의 조각들 반짝이지 않아 (I toss and torn all night The fragments of my heart don't shine) 난 알고 있는데 내가 할 수 있는 건 (I know it, what I can do is) "I'm sorry", 그 말뿐이란 걸 (Only those words)

Before the chorus starts, Haechan looks through the crowd finding you. He looks straight at you as if he's singing every word to you.

Words you wished you heard from him a long time ago.

Tell me why I let you down Any chance I get, I'm breaking down 잘못인 걸 다 아는데 (아는데), 왜 힘든 걸까? (I know I'm at fault but why is it tiring?) To tell you that I'm sorry, heart

For the rest of the song the two of you look at each other. You listen to him, imagining it was really him who was saying those words and not through the song.

When he finished, you stood up to go outside and get some fresh air.

Of course he's here. Luck was never on your side and fate seems to like playing jokes on you.

Haechan watches your back, giving the mic to the next person before following you out. You hear the footsteps behind you, knowing who it might be without looking back.

You're now at the rooftop of the building, a fewer people were hanging out here than inside. Feeling another presence beside you but they haven't said anything yet.

Even though you already know who it was, you don't say anything instead you get another beer from a nearby cooler and passing it over to Haechan without a word.

For a while neither of you said anything, watching the view in front of you.

“I get flashbacks when I see you and not the good kind” you finally speak out loud

“You’re saying that like I was the worst thing that ever happened to you” he snickers, holding the bottle up to his lips to drink his beer

He really didn’t think you’d talk to him or even acknowledge his existence at all. But now here you are, at some rooftop at a party he least expected to see you. 

He’s trying not to be too obvious but he can’t keep his eyes off of you. Maybe it was the way the light hit your face, or how the cold breeze was hitting his skin and yours. The moment he arrived he was kind of hoping to find you here tonight. He knew some of your friends were coming, you did use to have the same circle of friends until he started to distance himself.

He's glad though knowing you found good people who'll be there for you.

He's looking at you again, not being able to stop himself. It was at this moment he realized. Realized something he never thought he was ever capable of ever doing again. 

Feeling. Loving. Falling and accepting. 

The sound of horns from cars and the murmuring people in the background, the city lights in front the two of you and the stars as the witnesses. Witness for something that’s about to unfold.

It was scary. This new found knowledge scared him. 

In the past it was scary to him to even think about being tied down. To be committed to someone. All of this comes from his fear of failing. He wanted to tell you that before, the last day before you ended things between the two of you he wanted to let you know the reason why he couldn’t set things straight with you was because he was scared of letting you down. He was scared you might feel trapped. 

It's wasn't you who was too much for him. He was the one who felt like he was too much for you. He thought he was being too fast, too careless. His fears got the better of him, costing him a future with you.

You walked away and everything in his life got worse. Like the only light in his life was extinguished. 

Right now feels like that one chance to get things right. Even though he still feels scared, this time he’s willing to take that risk for you.

There are other things to be scared of, like your gaze. It was the way you were looking at him.

Like you can just consume all of him with those eyes. How you’re saying a thousand words with them without saying a single syllable.

One look into his own eyes and he's ready to surrender everything to you.

“Do you really want to hear my answer to that or are you still emotionally unavailable?” you ask, taking a sip of your own drink. 

“At what point did you realize you liked me? Like really liked me?” he asked instead, all he got was a laugh from you. You were laughing out loud like it was the funniest joke you’ve ever heard. 

“We were watching a movie, I mumbled something under my breath. I think it was something along the lines of ‘oh that’s so cute’, talking to myself. Then I felt you hold my hand, you kissed it before holding it in yours for the rest of the movie. It’s not the grandest gesture but at that moment I felt so content. It was all I wanted but I knew you didn’t think the same way” you smile sadly recalling that memory. Giving him an answer, wondering why you did.

"I guess I never said sorry, I'm sorry"

You shrug, taking another swig from your drink. "What's done is done. I would say no hard feelings but I kinda do hate you for what you did"

"Good. I'd be sadder if you said you didn't care. Hate isn't the opposite of love, it's indifference" he says

"Was that what you felt for me before? Indifference?" you can't help but ask, in your mind you're not sure if you're ready to hear his answer but it's too late to take it back

He shakes his head, drinking the rest of his drink before standing straight to face you

"I felt more for you, more than I ever said. In that I was wrong, I admit. I should've told you. It might be no use in telling you now, but I did feel something for you. I was being stupid and was too scared to admit it"

"Then why are you telling me now?"

"Because I realized not having you in my life is scarier than the thoughts in my head. I was too scared of my own mind, I sacrificed you instead when I shouldn't have. I could've told you. I wish I told you"

You listen to him, letting it sink in. For so long you asked just what went wrong, what you could've done differently or what would've happened if you stayed.

"I waited, I waited until you told me you liked me. But the more I waited, the more I started to not like myself. I knew I deserved more but I stayed because I wanted to be with you. You were always first to me" you say

Hearing you say those words breaks something in him. He did like you, he still likes you. Haechan has always kept a safe distance from everyone, you were the only exception.

"I'm glad we got to talk" you say to him with a smile, then you walk back inside.

This time Haechan didn't follow you because he knows this won't be the last time he sees you.

"Oh my gosh, so that's what happened between the two of you?"

After that conversation with Haechan, you went back to your place and called it a night. The next day your roommate noticed you were staring blankly into space, out of concern she asked you what's wrong. You told her all that happened in the past 24 hours then you told her all about your history with Haechan.

"Yep, I haven't seen him around campus that much after that"

"You know, one of his friends is my blockmate and we go to the same gym. I heard he did an exchange program for a year, maybe that's why you haven't seen him around" she tells you

"Oh really, he did mention it before. Maybe he went through with it" you mumbled

"So you guys were like in a situationship then?"

"I guess so. We weren't exclusive, but he was the only guy I was seeing for like 2 years. Remember when I was barely home"

"Oh! That was him? He used to like send food here all the time whenever you were busy studying"

"What?"

"Oh my god I forgot to tell you that? yea this was like when you guys were a thing. During exam season or when you're busy with reports and stuff, he'd drop off food for you" she tells you

"I thought you had those delivered"

"Girl no, half of the time he leaves it at our door. The only reason I know is because I caught him one time and he fessed up"

No, you definitely didn't know that.

Haechan never told you. He never told you anything. At some point you thought it was better to not ask instead of being met with silence as a reply.

One thing you know though is he's the type to take action rather than say it. You won't be surprised if he did it before, he might not be good at expressing himself but he never passed the chance to make you feel like you're the only girl in his world.

It feels like that was another lifetime ago, that at some point in your life you'd rather be the backburner than totally lose him.

Seeing him again was no help. It's like you spiraled down again. You thought he didn't have this effect on you anymore but you were wrong. You'd be lying if you say you haven't thought of him since you saw him last.

What you didn't know was Haechan felt exactly the same. He's trying to think of a way to reach out to you without seeming to needy, he didn't want you to think he's forcing himself back into your life.

Another week has passed and still no sign of you. He decided to get drinks with his friends, he's a few drinks in when he decided to call it an early night. This really wasn't where he wanted to be.

He's not sure where he wants to be. All he knows is his night would be a thousand times better if he sees you, even just a glimpse.

On his walk back to his place, he plucked a branch from a random plant. Picking out the leaves one by one, leaving a trail behind him.

You're on your way back from the library, deciding to get some midnight snacks first. You noticed the scattered leaves on the road, chuckling at the sight. The more steps you take, you slowly realized it's the same path to your apartment.

You slowed down, looking around to check if anybody was close to you but the street is empty. You grab your phone in your pocket just in case, while you hold your keys with the other hand.

When you're nearing your front door, you see someone sitting at the steps. Head lying low, you can't even see his face but you'd know that brown mop of hair anywhere.

"Haechan?" you called out for him

Haechan looks up, seeing you walking towards him. At first he thinks he's dreaming, he wipes his eyes to clear his vision. Even pinched his arm to check if this was real.

You're here.

He's here.

"What are you doing here?" you asked once you're standing right in front of him

"I grabbed drinks with Yangyang and Jeno, I swear I was walking home. I guess I got confused" he mumbles, now holding a branch with no leaves on it.

You look at it, then looked back at the trail of leaves behind you.

"Do you want to come in? Go drink some water or coffee first before you head back" you offered

"Are you sure?" he asks back, standing up from the steps

"Wouldn't offer if I wasn't. Let's go inside, it's getting chilly"

He steps aside to let you go first, following behind you. The elevator ride up to your floor was quiet, even after going in your apartment Haechan didn't say a word.

"Here, have some water. I can make coffee but it's too late to drink it, do you want ramen or something?" you ask him while getting the snacks you got out of the grocery bag

"Do you usually ask guys to come in with you and cook ramen for them?" he asks

He meant to only think of it, but with the little amount of alcohol in his system seems to have turn the filter off.

You snicker at his question. Instead of answering him, you grab two ramen cup noodles from your cupboard and turn the kettle on. You wait for the red light to turn green before pouring it in the cups, bringing it over the kitchen island and taking the seat beside him.

"I can't even order late night snacks without thinking about you, we used to do it all the time when I came over at yours or when we're having late night hangouts. You ruined a lot of things for me" you finally say

Haechan just looks at your profile. Even though you say it like that, there's really no trace of anger on your face. Maybe you are, but to him you look so pretty and cozy. He wanted to beat himself up for ever thinking he can walk away from this. From you.

"For what it's worth, whenever I get drunk I used to text you all the time. You probably blocked me because the messages never got delivered. Every morning I see that on my phone, message after message until I lost count. I knew you weren't going to answer but I still did it"

"Why?" you ask him

"I missed you. I wanted to tell you I was being stupid, I wanted to beg for you to take me back. But all of those thing I could only say with a bit of help from alcohol. That's how I knew I couldn't go back, not yet anyways. You deserved more than drunken confessions"

You look over at him, for the first time since that night you really look at him. The same eyes that used to feel like home to you.

He looked so different yet the same.

You still feel the same.

"It's been 3 minutes, you hate soggy noodles" you nod at his ramen. Opening your own cup to start eating. Neither of you said anything after that. It wasn't awkward, you actually enjoyed the quiet.

For the first time since Haechan came back and you saw him again, your mind was at peace. You weren't overthinking things. You weren't wondering your long list of what if's.

It's like a part of you knew he's finally here again.

After the quick snack session, he helped you clean up before walking towards the door.

"Thank you for the uh snacks and water" he didn't know what to say, a shy Haechan is a rare sight so you can't help but smile.

Haechan sees this, he can feel his own cheeks redden. You still look so beautiful when you smile, so beautiful that he's ready to fight anyone who makes you smile that isn't him.

"Go home, it's late. You're sober now right?" you ask him

"Yea, I'm good"

"Okay, don't want you getting confused and going to someone else's front door"

"I promise I won't drunk text you again so will you unblock me now? Or if you have a new number you can text me or whatever. Actually you know what, do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Don't listen to me, I'm just blabbing now"

You can't help but giggle at him, the action making Haechan's heart skip a few beats.

"I'm imagining this is how those drunk texts would sound like" you say

"I missed you, Y/N" he mumbles

You don't say anything. He can hear his own heartbeating, each thump like it's the last then you're smiling back at him

"Goodnight, Haechan"

He smiles at you, waving goodbye before finally walking out. He gestures for you to close the door behind him, only leaving after he hears the lock from the other side. He skips back home.

The next few days were back to normal, you weren't feeling gloomy. You were going out with friends. All in all, you're in a great mood.

"Hey, somebody left this outside. Tell me I'm crazy but is this from Haechan?" your roommate hands you over a small bouquet of flowers with a paper bag full of snacks.

"Uh yeah, I think so"

"I know things didn't end well between the two of you, but the boy is still so whipped for you" she mumbles, watching the small smile on your face

"Maybe it's just a peace offering"

"Right, well whatever it might be I say go for it. As long as you're happy"

You look up at her, shocked to hear that all of a sudden "Isn't that what you're worrying about? You really think I didn't notice it, you were listening to Sorry, Heart on repeat the other day then now you're listening to love songs. If he's it for you, then give it a chance"

She left after that, leaving you alone at home.

You take the gifts Haechan sent to your room, putting the flowers in a vase. You see a small note attached,

xx12131xxx just in case you lost it or changed your number. - H

You get your phone and dial the number, it's still in your phone. You unblock it first before you click call, waiting a few rings before you hear his voice

"Y/N?"

"How did you know it was me?"

"I wasn't expecting anyone else, and uh it looks like you didn't change your number"

"Oh yea uhm so you're unblocked now" you told him, not really sure what else to say

He chuckles, "Thanks, so I'm guessing you got the flowers and the snacks?"

"Yeah, thanks by the way. Why though?"

"You shared your stash with me the other night, just wanted to pay you back"

"You didn't have to, I offered. But thanks again"

"Hey uh are you busy right now? or tomorrow or really whenever you're free"

"I don't have anymore classes today"

"Do you want to go grab coffee or food or anything really. Whatever you want, my treat"

If someone told you you'd be going out to get drinks with Haechan, you'd say they're out of their mind. But here you are, visiting a new cafe you've never been to with a guy you thought you'd never be with again.

"I'd get the taro milktea, thanks"

"I'll take this one" he points at the drink in the picture, "And two of the cookies please, thank you" he pulls out his card to pay for the both of you. When you got your drinks and food, you walked back outside to sit on the vacant seats. The weather was nice, it wasn't too hot or too cold. A perfect day to be out.

You open your drink, taking a quick sip while Haechan does the same. You notice he made the face, like when he drinks or eats something sour.

"It's lemon flavored isn't it?" you chuckle, taking the drink from him and giving yours to him instead

"No, it's fine. I'll drink it"

"You hate anything sour flavored, I like lemon it's fine" you sip his drink, it does taste good but you know he won't like it

He watches you get the cookies, breaking it in half before giving him the other.

"If you have anything to say, just say it. You're too in your head again" you tell him

"Sorry, I was just..." he's at lost for words, but this time not for the wrong reason.

It's like his mind can't put what he's feeling in to words.

"Did you get the record you were looking for?" you ask him, changing the topic

"Huh?"

"At the record store"

"Oh I wasn't really buying anything, I was just browsing around. They didn't have the vinyl version of the album I wanted, I'll come back some other time" he tells you, taking a sip of your well now his drink.

"You were singing to the Dreamers, you know them?"

"I know a few songs, Sorry, Heart is good. I like that one"

"Me too. You sounded good when you sang it" you complimented him, this made him smile shyly at you

"Isn't it a bit too sad?" he asks, you shrug your shoulders

"I like it, although my roommate said I've been playing love songs these past few days" you shake your head, remembering what she told you

"Thank you by the way" Haechan suddenly says

"For what? You paid for our drinks"

"I meant for agreeing to get drinks with me. I was an asshole to you. All the time I was gone, I was thinking about how to make it up to you. That is if it's okay with you" he tells you.

He mentally pats himself on the back for not messing that up. Maybe slowly he'll learn how to speak his true feelings, he just hopes you'll be there to listen to him. Even though it took him this long.

"The last thing you asked me was what are we, I was being stupid. I wanted us to be more. I wanted us to be official but I was always scared to say it. I don't know why I was ever scared of committing, I could've been with you. That's my regret"

"Haechan"

"You're not a playtoy to me or just some past time whenever I'm bored. You were never too much for me. If anything I was the one who lacked. I don't blame you for walking away, I deserved that. I needed that so I could finally grow up"

You listen to him. You listen to him finally say the words you've been waiting to hear from him.

"This time I want to do it right, I want to take you out on dates, be there to go on night walks with you, go buy records we'd listen to, whatever you want to I just wan to do it with you. If you'll still have me"

The last words was barely a whisper, like he's scared to say it outloud, scared you might turn him away.

Haechan feels his heart beating wildly again, one day he might pass from arrest he thinks. Then you smile at him and it's like everything in his world stops.

You lean over, kissing the corner of his lip lightly. It was so quick but to him it felt like long time

"All I wanted was that, when it gets too much in your head you can talk to me. I'll listen. We don't have to walk away from each other" you tell him

"I'm sorry" he whispers

"I forgive you, the same way I forgive myself from everything that has happened. We need to heal from those wounds for us to move forward"

He smiles at you, he didn't even notice he got a bit teary eyed until a few tears escaped. He wipes it away before looking back at you again.

You stand up from your seat, holding out your hand to him. He looks at your hand then your face then your hand again before intertwining it with his.

There wasn't a destination in mind, he's probably thinking the same. The two of you just walk where your steps lead you to, with him following beside you holding you close to him.

Haechan looks at your hands, a smile forming on his face. He leans towards you to kiss you on the head, the action making you smile too.

"Thank you" you hear him mumble. You didn't say anything back but he felt you grip his hand tighter. Squeezing it three times.

And he knew everything was finally going to be okay. This time, you won't let go.

[kentosovertime]

(adj.) deadly, destructive

➳ yandere best friend!yuta x afab!reader - 1.5k

➳ a/n: straight up brain rot- i just know this man is unhinged

➳ cw: explicit content, explicit language, unprotected sex, orgasm denial, emotional manipulation, yandere themes, catfishing, friend zone, degradation, praise, pet names

✨Masterlist | Tag List | Ask Box | AO3 | Ko-Fi✨

Fat, ugly tears soak into Yuta’s white sweater as he wipes the wetness from your cheek while he rubs your back comfortingly with his free hand. 

“It’s gonna be ok, hun…” He coos with a warm hum that feels like home. It’s why you begged him to pick you up from the date you were stood up on and ghosted after months of talking. 

“N-n-no its n-not.” You sob into the pillow that you’ve curled around, clutching the fabric until your knuckles blanche in color. “I feel so fucking stupid!”

“What’s wrong?” He pretends to sound clueless, like he’s concerned about something you’re not telling him. “You still haven’t told me why you were at that coffee shop…”

“T-that guy I told you a-about-” Your breath shutters out of you, making it impossible to force words out for a second. “It w-was a d-date and h-he didn’t show up. I’m blocked on everything n-now.”

“The guy from the dating app?” He makes a show of furrowing his eyebrows in concern, frowning deeper when you nod your head into the pillow, sobbing even harder now. 

“Feel s’dirty and used… what’s w-wrong with me, Yu?” You want to crawl out of your skin, you feel so nauseous thinking about how close you had gotten to this guy, how much you had confided in him. “Why can’t all men be like you?”

“Oh hun…” You allow him to tilt you towards him as he settles on the couch next to you, pulling you into his arms as he gently shushes you. “Come ‘ere, baby.” 

His arms wrap around your body and settle you in his lap, sighing contently as you nuzzle into his neck, basking in the warmth and support he always provides you. Once you’re settled into him, even as your cries continue, he finally allows himself a satisfied grin that his plan is going better than he thought. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ 

His jaw clenches as he watches you from across campus, seeing you giggling loudly with yet another frat boy fuck ass who’s only with you to get his dick wet. You deserve someone who puts you first, who cares about you more than anyone else; someone like him. 

That night he’s decided he’s had enough of being the afterthought when he deserves you more than these boys who break your too soft heart.  One more terrible heartbreak would certainly break you enough for him to make a move. It's just one more… then you’ll never have to go through it again. 

That’s how he justifies opening his phone to download the dating app he knows you use the most, making a profile after he pays one of the men desperate for cash on campus to use his photos and have him facetime you a couple times to make it more believable. 

It doesn’t take long for you to match the profile or for Yuta to use the knowledge he has as your best friend to concoct the lies that would hook you fastest. The imposter he created enjoys all the same things as you, understands your problems, and supports you when you’re down. 

It’s almost pathetic how quickly you fall for him, folding after a couple months of talking when Yuta decides to be selfish and asks you for a video of you playing with yourself. Yuta digs his teeth into his bottom lip, stifling a guttural groan at the first sight of your finger spreading yourself open for the camera, teasing your clit before you burrow your middle and ring fingers into your cunt. You little pleading moan for him to send something in return so you can picture it while you fuck your fingers into yourself. 

Yuta seethed with jealousy, even if it was his cock you came to when he sent you a video back. You didn’t know it was him, you didn’t love him. It made him so angry that you refused to see what was right in front of you. 

Whenever you hang out with him, you gush about this guy that you met that was so much different from the shit bags you normally gravitate to. And Yuta would smile, listening to you describe everything about him except how you sent him to the dirtiest little clips while he glanced at your hand, itching for you to sink those fingers into yourself again so he can suck them clean. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Your sobs slowly calm with Yuta’s warmth sinking into your bones. Only small hiccups echo in the room as you feel him leave small kisses across your shoulder. 

His touch isn’t unfamiliar but this specific action is, he was normally so reserved with you, but you shiver as those comforting presses of his mouth on your skin, his breath skating across the surface, serving to fill the void left by a man you thought you could love. 

The low, desperate rumble that sounds from his throat has your eyes fluttering and goosebumps running down your skin. The kisses slowly turn wetter, sloppier as he lays one just below your ear, his tongue peaking out to lap at the skin there. 

“Yu…” Your voice cracks, pleading, as your head tilts to the side, giving him more room to continue his actions. “M-make it stop h-hurting… please.” 

“I don’t know what else to do, hun…” He almost can’t hold the condescending coo from his tone. Fuck he wants to hear you say it. He’s waited so long for the words to fall from your lips. 

“I… Can you…” You hiccup in embarrassment, burrowing into his neck as you grip his shirt as tight as you did the pillow earlier. “I w-want you to fuck me, Yu.” 

“A-are you sure…? I don’t want you to regret it later.” His eagerness is only betrayed by his fingers digging into your hips as an anchor. He needs you to know he’s going to care about you more than anyone, that he isn’t the frat trash you soil yourself with.

“Y-yes… but if you don’t want to- Yu!” You squeak, your eyes widening when your back hits the couch cushion and he settles between your thighs, his hardness already pressing against the fabric of your panties under your skirt you wore especially for your date. 

“Don’t want to?” He growls, pushing the fabric of the skirt to pull around your hips, reaching between you to rip the seam of your pretty lace panties you wore for the imposter he created. 

He deftly flicks the button of his jeans, pushing them along with his boxers to his mid thigh, entering you in a rush movement before you can decide you don’t want him. 

“Oh fuck, Yu-” You moan loudly, your sobs turning to those of pleasure as he sets a brutual pace, taking out all his frustration, anger, and jealousy on you. 

He grits his teeth, carelessly shoving his hand under your shirt to grope your breasts, gripping onto them to hold you in place, using it for leverage to drill into you harder.

“Finally woke the fuck up and realized I’m right here?” He hiss as you flutter around him, your cunt making a white ring around his cock as he fucks you raw. His brutal pace is matched by the demeaning tone. “So nice to be your second choice, you know? Stringing me along like a needy slut?” 

You jolt in shock, the rough treatment only serving to make you clench down on him harder, teetering on the edge.

“S’not like t-that Yu-” You whine, clawing at his chest through his shirt. “I’m s-sorry, I d-didn’t m-mean it like that- M’sorry ‘made you wait!”

He grins ferally at you folding so easily for him, ready to finally force the final blow.  

“Really, hun?” He reaches a hand to your clit, circling it slow enough to drive you crazy, keeping you right at the edge of your orgasm without giving you that last push. “Fuck toys don’t get to cum… only girlfriends do. Are you my perfect little girlfriend? Or a useless fucking cum dump?” 

“Girlfriend!” You shriek as he immediately applies more pressure, his thrusts stuttering a little. You’d give him anything to cum. “I’ll b-be yours ple-” 

Your back arches off the bed as you explode into a thousand little pieces, coming hard enough for your vision to go fuzzy, mewling when you feel Yuta still after pressing deep inside of you. His cum spills from your abused cunt, spilling out from around him to drip down onto the couch. 

“Good fucking girl, hun. Fuck-” The praise makes you tremble and cling to him and he knows breaking your heart was worth the pain.

tag list: @sugarbooger513 @sugarmapoops @roughwithfluff @severelytalentless @yelzoldyck @silversslut @aazaard @dreamyyholland @wobblewobble822 @vantastic210 @rafzaha @tirzamisu @chososhoney @littlemochi @bebechinas99 @firdaoz @saoney @meromelo @pelicanpizza @sukunassoulmate @damncakie @katgalle @honeyyjems @tsukikoxo [[ if your blog name is crossed out i couldn't tag you]]

[actuallysaiyan]

Silence Teaches You How(Serial Killer!Kenpachi x Fem!Reader)

warnings(PLEASE READ THESE PROPERLY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY) : smut, DARK content, YANDERE themes, STOCKHOLM SYNDROME, STALKING, MURDER, unprotected sex, CERVIX mention, creampie finish, DUBCON(bordering on NONCON), slapping, biting, blood mentions, VERY VERY VERY DARK CONTENT

word count: 2.7k

pairings: Serial Killer!Kenpachi x Fem!Reader

summary: there's a serial killer on the loose in your town and you are his next victim...or are you the apple of his eye?

a/n: thank you to Vero(@yeowangies) for helping me with this! this might be one of the darkest things I've ever written. dividers by: @/adornedwithlight. Want the full effect? Listen to the Sinister OST, especially BBQ '79 where I got the title from.

He’s been watching you. Every second of every day, he watches you carefully. He’s never seen anyone so full of youth. So vivacious. You practically bounce with every step you take. It’s so perfect, and yet he’d love to fucking tear you apart.

You’re so unaware that he’s there watching you. You don’t notice that someone is always making sure you get home safely. You don’t realize that someone wants to watch you and see what you’ll do.

Then the reports come on the radio, the TV and even on social media. You try to ignore it, but you’d be lying if you said the thought of a serial killer on the loose didn’t make you the least bit nervous. 

You’ve seen the pictures. He looks tall, and definitely more buff than you thought. Something about him is far more menacing than you’ve ever witnessed. Even though his face is covered by a mask, you swear you can see the anger and hatred in his eyes. You can sense it.

First it’s police outside in your neighborhood to keep watch on things during the dark hours of the night. Then it’s the cops in the schools, making sure kids are safe. Then the curfews start.

After that, you become much more aware of your own surroundings. You find yourself jumping at your own shadows much more. You sleep with a baseball bat under your mattress, ready to grab whenever you need it. You were becoming even more afraid than before. 

Who would have thought something like this would happen in your little town? You thought you could live here without having this kind of worry. You had watched the news and heard all the gruesome things they’d even decided to share.

This man was out there. He was ready to kill his next victim. It didn’t seem to matter to him who it was either. It was going to be any one of you. They had a very hard time trying to pinpoint who it was too. He was ruthless, clever and didn’t leave any traces of who he was.

Every night was the same. You’d get home before the curfew. You’d make yourself dinner and then you’d watch the news until it was time to go to bed. And then you’d meticulously check every window and every door.

You’d never let any of them go unchecked. Not before going to bed.

And yet every night, he still found a way inside…

He found that you had neglected to get that lock changed in your old backdoor. It still locked, but it wasn’t a perfect latch. It was an easy way for him to sneak in too. He would just walk up to the door, unlatched it and then he slid inside.

And for the next few nights after he found out that your door was easy to break into, he decided to watch you sleep. You looked like a pretty little angel. How you slept so peacefully despite the concern and worry you held with you all day. Maybe it was from the sleeping pills he was secretly sneaking into your food and drink when you weren’t being as aware as you thought you were.

Some nights, he would just sit next to your sleeping form on the bed. He would play with your hair, loving the smell of your shampoo. Oh you were just so goddamn beautiful. Too beautiful for someone so dark and ugly like him.

The nights became darker as the season was shifting. Despite it being close to Halloween, it seemed like less and less people were excited for a festival that most usually were looking forward to. This serial killer had plagued this small town with terror and fear.

It was around this time that you started receiving mysterious love letters. You slept with one eye open that night, afraid for your life. The letters were short, but you knew they had to be from him. They couldn’t be from anyone else. And he was hiding them in spots in your apartment.

Finally, you decided to go to the police. You filed a report with them, which made you feel a little more at ease. They promised to come patrolling in your neighborhood a little more heavily that night. You felt like a wave of relief washed over you when one of the policemen gave you his personal number to call if anything happened. And they even promised to do a thorough sweep of your home before you even returned.

Though you weren’t completely able to prove that it was in fact the serial killer sending you these love letters, they weren’t going to be taking chances.

So you got home to the police just leaving your home. They assured you that everything would be alright. One of them stayed patrolling the neighborhood.

So you went through your nightly routine as usual. Though you were very jumpy. You were so afraid. Even trying to settle down and eat your meal was too much. You didn’t feel hungry at all. Your skin was crawling at just the idea of that man lurking somewhere in your apartment.

And then it was time for bed. Oh you were dreading it. Just the thought of being alone in your bed made you scared. You tried to calm yourself with a shower and some tea, but your heart was in your throat. Your stomach was in knots.

You laid in bed, looking up at the ceiling. You had a few lights on, but those were proving to make you feel even more anxious. You looked outside your window to make sure that the police would be outside, but you couldn’t see any of their cars. You tried to reason with yourself and tell yourself that they’d be back in the neighborhood soon.

The lights cut out soon after.

You grabbed for your baseball bat, only to find it missing from its original hiding space. You heard heavy footsteps climbing the stairs. You gripped your sheets, wanting to pull them up over your head.

He was coming to you. Finally, he would reveal himself to you. He knew there was nothing you could do to stop him. He would finally have you. You were his everything. He was madly in love with you.

The footsteps stop right outside your door. You look over as fear has you stuck on your bed. You’re without a weapon, without help and the lights are cut. You have no real escape unless you take the window. And even then, you’re about 3 storeys up. You’d be risking your death if you tried that route.

Kenpachi snickers to himself. You were completely at his mercy. He sheathes his blade in the holster, smirking as he slowly opens your bedroom door. You’re gripped with fear, praying to some unknown savior. Nobody could take you away from him now. You were all his and he wouldn’t let anyone take you.

“Hello sweetheart,” he croons as he walks in. He’s close to seven feet tall, and he’s big and buff.

You’re shaking as you look up at him. He looks down at you, a smile on his face. You didn’t think that his smile would captivate you quite like this. He then reaches out to caress your cheek, and you shudder when you feel the warm liquid smearing on your face.

“Sorry about that, beautiful. I didn’t mean to…”

He sighs before he sits down next to you. His weight makes the bed dip down. You try to crawl away from him, but he’s quick to pin you down. His smile is a little wilder now, and yet you are still so intrigued.

“Have you been getting my letters?” He asks, leaning in to kiss you.

It’s a warm kiss. Not cold and deathly, like you had imagined someone like him would kiss. It’s so warm. He tastes like iron and cinnamon…he smells like fire. There’s something so captivating. Your brain is yelling at you to push him off and to try for the window. Your heart says you can’t make it on time.

“Have you?” He growls, pinning you down harder. You yelp in surprise.

“I—I have. please…Please just let me go. I won’t tell anyone you were here.”

He laughs. “It’s too late for that. I know you already went to the police. Are you that afraid of me, angel?”

You want to say something, but all you can do is shake your head ‘no’. He laughs again. It’s sardonic and deep. This is when you know you won’t be getting out of this alive.

His hands are surprisingly gentle as he begins to caress you. He starts with your face, then down your neck. When he feels your pulse, he notices how badly your heart is racing. He loves having this effect on you.

Then he begins to take off your clothes. You’re pleading and crying to him, trying to appeal to some humanity inside of him, if he has any. He begins to mock you, blubbering and whimpering in a very taunting kind of way.

“Don’t worry about it. You know I’ll make you feel good.”

You want to close your eyes and wish this all away. But you know you can’t do it. Nothing good will even come out of that. You grimace as you feel  his calloused hands on your smooth skin. Something about this ignites a fire deep inside of you.

Kenpachi leans in to lick them off your cheeks, moaning as he finally has your flavor on his tongue. He continues to lick your face, then leaning in closer to bite at your neck as he tugs and pinches your swollen nubs.

He smirks when he notices you lightly arching into his touch. Then he kneads your breasts roughly, making you cry out. He tugs at your nipples, loving the way you’re crying for him. The tears in your eyes that slowly roll down your cheeks make him thirst for you.

“G-get off. Please…I’ll give you money. Please, anything but this.” You try to reason with him.

You feel the sting of his hand on your cheek. More tears roll down your face. You can’t stop sniffling now. You know there’s just no escape from him. And yet part of you doesn’t even want to escape from him. You want to lay here and take what he’s got to offer.

“Say that shit to me one more time, and I promise you’ll regret it.”

His warning is enough to have you settle into the plushness of your blankets. He smiles when he notices how docile you’re being. Kenpachi leans in to whisper in your ear, “I really don’t want to get rough with you, doll. Please don’t make me do that again. Please.”

You nod your head, trying to be as calm as possible. Then his hands wander down your body. He pulls off your pajama pants and he smirks when he sees you’re not wearing any underwear. 

“Perfect. Here’s my meal.”

He spreads your thighs, making you shudder. The way he has complete control over your body has that flame inside of you growing. Arousal pools deep inside of you. Your slick begins to dribble out of you. Kenpachi grunts as he gets a whiff of you.

“Heh,” he laughs. “I knew you’d like this.”

And without another warning, he’s devouring you like he hasn’t had a meal in days. Your nectar is the only thing he ever wants to taste again. His hands grip your thighs so hard, you know there are bruises already forming.

You can’t help but gasp and moan as he hits all your sweet spots. You want to reach down to grip onto his hair, but you stay on the bed and you don’t move. Kenpachi makes the most obscene noises as he works you to a very messy, wet orgasm.

Once you ride out your high, he easily maneuvers you onto your hands and knees. He presses your face into the pillows and all you can hear is a zipper being unzipped. You try to turn around to look at him, but your face is pressed deeper into the pillows.

The first couple of thrusts are experimental. You try to hide your whines of pain, but Kenpachi can hear them. What surprises you is when he begins to play with your clit to make you even more aroused. You let out such a cute moan when he finally bottoms out and rubs against your cervix.

“Fuck,” he grunts. “You’re much tighter than I thought.”

And with that, Kenpachi leans over to grab onto the headboard for leverage and he begins pumping into you. His movements are wild and beastlike. He fucks you with reckless abandon, pulling moans and whines from you. You can just barely make out the words he says as he fucks you hard.

“Love this little pussy. It’s all mine. You know it’s mine…”

A cry is ripped from you as you reach your peak violently. Your legs are shaking as you try to stay up. Kenpachi notices how he’s fucked you so hard and you’ve just cum so good that you can’t stay in this position.

With your walls still clenching, he pushes you onto your back. He wraps your legs around his big frame, sliding into you like it’s no big deal. Then he slowly begins rocking his hips, smirking at your reaction. He definitely loves this position much better than the last.

Then he surprises you again. He reaches up to begin cupping your face. He kisses you sloppily; his tongue is violent in your mouth and wrestles with your own tongue harshly. When he pulls away from the kiss, he leans his forehead against yours.

“This world is ugly,” he grunts. “I’m ugly…”

You cry out for him, “N-no…not ugly.”

His heart flutters. “That’s my good girl. You’re my good girl. I need to take you away from all this. This filth isn’t good for my angel.”

He picks up his pace ever so slightly, making sure to rub up against your sweet spot. You cling to him, your nails digging into the meat of his arms. Kenpachi grunts and he laughs softly. More kisses to your lips, then to your neck. You whine when he bites down.

“If I mark you up, then everyone’s going to know you belong to me.” He laughs again. “Then again…nobody but me will ever get to see you again.”

You don’t want to even think too deeply on what he’s saying. You don’t even want to think about how he’s been making you cum so hard. You didn’t even reach for your phone. The cops never even came back. It’s just you and Kenpachi. You realize you don’t even know his name…

Kenpachi nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck as he pounds into you. You smell so good. Like springtime and linens. It’s his favorite scent. You taste so good; your sweat and nectar is his favorite flavor. And he feels his balls drawing up and his body twitching.

“Be good,” he growls. “Cum for me. Milk this cock.”

You want to finally push out of this trance, but it’s too late. His thumb is rubbing your clit roughly, making you tumble off the edge just once more. It’s all too much. You can see stars speckling your vision as you try to hang on. Kenpachi pounds into you so hard, you swear he’s trying to enter your cervix.

With a loud roar, Kenpachi begins spilling his seed deep inside your waiting womb. You’re barely conscious at this point. Kenpachi kisses you so hungrily as he rides out his high. When he stops moving, this is when he realizes you’ve passed out. 

When you wake up, you notice you’re no longer home. You’re sitting on a bed in a dimly lit room. You look at the door, your heart thumping wildly in your chest.

Kenpachi walks in, his mask on his face. You realize that he wasn’t wearing his mask when he broke into your home. Then it all comes back to you. You thrash around on the bed, but Kenpachi is quick to come over to you. He soothes his hand over your face and hair.

“Shh…I’ve taken you away from the filth, angel.”

His words calm you. With tear stained eyes, you look up at him. You know he did exactly that. He is your savior.

reblogs and comments always appreciated!

©actuallysaiyan 2024– do not repost on other platforms, copy, translate or edit my works!

[thatfreshi]

Not if You Collect Them Like Ex-lovers (Astarion x Reader)

Tw - couple arguing

Recommended Song: This Is Me Trying - Taylor Swift

Whenever you and Astarion fight, it gets ugly. Two extremely emotional people, two people who still aren't used to letting their guard down all the time, people with faults.

"I don't understand why it bothers you."

Usually, it starts with a misunderstanding, an attempt at love, a hand reaching out to simply ask a question.

"Because Astarion, it's my house too!"

Full names, no more sweets and doves. Throwing words around like rocks, glass bottles breaking on countertops, shards, shattering.

"Yes, our house, I thought that's what you wanted? Or was I mistaken when you pleaded with me, saying you wanted this forever."

Questions lose answers, no longer searching for love, just words to defend yourself with. When the friend becomes the enemy and your throat closes up with grief, what do you do other than fight back?

"I wanted a house that at least had some semblance of looking like a house, not just your shit everywhere!"

Wounds that run deep, that need to hold onto every little thing he finds, your home decorated with the most meaningless items, things that mean everything to him. To you they're knick-knacks, some of them even garbage, and that hoarder's mentality drives you mad. The argument was so incredibly stupid, easily solved, but it's impossible to be peaceful when you never get time apart.

"Well, why don't I just take my things and leave then?"

And there he goes, escalating when he feels cornered.

"Oh right, and go where Astarion? Go burn to a crisp in the sunlight, or maybe hide in an alleyway somewhere? I'm sure that'll be so much better than living with me!"

Poking the bear, as you do when you're stressed. You know he hates the fact that he's lost the sunlight, cursed to be in a wooden box with blackout curtains.

"I'm sure you'd love that, if I just disappeared right?"

Deflecting, but also wrapping himself in insecurity. It's a test, a trick question, a puzzle.

"At least I'd have some room in this fucking house to do anything without tripping over all your useless 'treasures.'"

From trying to understand to going on the prowl for hatred, you've reached a point of no return.

"Why do you even care Tav, I just like having things! Is that so much to ask? Are they not allowed to mean something to me?"

"Not if you collect them like ex-lovers!"

Astarion opens his mouth to say something else, but trembles. Now you've done it, gone too far. He scoffs, tears leaving his eyes.

"Well then perhaps I should have another."

It's late, the stars dotting the sky like scars from teeth, allowing the vampire to storm out of the house, slamming the door. You begin to cry as well, knowing you shouldn't have said that, knowing you didn't really mean it. You're just frustrated, the stuff scattered everywhere is overwhelming, and you just don't get why it matters.

When Astarion leaves, he knows he only has a couple of hours to cool off, to think things through. It's infuriating at times, being so chained to one place, after getting to explore the world for months on end. He wasn't allowed to have things with Cazador, not anything that was his own. After the nautiloid crash, he started grabbing everything he could get his hands on. Jewelry, pretty fabrics, anything that could possibly mean anything. Now he's stuck in one place again, but a place where he can finally store all those little finds, a nice-feeling rock, a bottle that reminds him of a night stroll the two of you took. It's a comfort in a scary transition, to be allowed to keep something, anything.

While you're thinking of where he's gone, you look around at all the things Astarion has piled up on the coffee table. A couple rolls of thread from the market, ones he hasn't even started to use, a stack of books he'll probably take forever to finally read. You go through these items forever, trying to organize all the little things he's left around the place, filling drawers with memories you didn't realize were important. After clearing out most of the things in the living room, you find a small, poorly crafted ring. It's heavily scratched, but has an inscription on the inside. Your mind floods with the magical feeling of the grove, and Astarion pocketing this ring after showing the young tiefling child a magic trick. Back then, his intentions were just to show the child that your things can get snatched up so easily, but he slowly began to believe it was lucky, just as the kid said. You meditate on the thought, realizing these items, they're all either moments or possibilities. The front door opens.

Somber steps, the sound of his dagger being placed on the nearby table. You turn around and walk towards him, wrapping your arms around each other.

"I'm sorry."

You manage to choke out.

"It's alright darling, I'm being ridiculous."

You shake your head, breaking the embrace.

"No, no you're not. I was going through all of this, all of this stuff, and you're right. It all means something."

"Stupid meanings though. It's all fear Tav, fear I'm going to forget, fear I'm going to lose everything I have."

"That's okay, it's okay to be scared."

You show him the tiefling's ring.

"But we don't have to be scared anymore. We have luck on our side, right?"

He laughs, fiddling with the silly scratched-up band.

"You remember this?"

You nod.

"Of course I remember. I still don't know how you did that trick."

"A magician never tells."

You both laugh, still crying

"Gods, I thought you were so annoying."

"Well apparently I still am if you had to take that heavy of a jab at my past."

You frown.

"I-"

"I know you didn't mean it love, but we can't just say things we don't mean to get a rise out of each other."

He's become better at being the voice of reason, growing, changing.

"It's just so overwhelming sometimes. I know you're new at this whole, living a domestic life thing, but I just want to have a say in our space. That's all."

"I know, I hear you and I respect that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made our space my space."

"I'm fine with all your keepsakes, but can we just organize them? Have a space for all your little treasures and such?"

"We do still have that extra room upstairs."

You push him.

"That's supposed to be another guest room!"

"Do we really need that many guest rooms?"

The two of you giggle to yourselves.

"You know if we can't host all our friends at once, they will throw a fit."

"Well, I'll find some way to give you some more space. I never wanted to make you feel suffocated."

You look into each other's eyes for a moment, seeing that spark again, finding that love bubble back up. Saying things you don't mean, meaning things you don't say, it's all so new to both of you.

"I know my love, I know."

You hold each other by the doorway for a while, mumbling about how to make this space work for the both of you, how when you start raising your voices, you need to just step away and rethink it. Learning to love, to truly love, to exist as one, it's such a struggle, but a worthwhile cause. After all, there's no one else you'd rather fight with.

[base0h]

Hello! I really enjoyed the confessing to an oblivious s/o, but dang watching even shank’s and mihawk’s self esteem plummet HURT

If you don’t mind can we get a part 2 where it turns out the s/o was actually trying to be a good friend but was absolutely shattered thinking their man was in love with another, like after that ‘practice confession’ they’re straight up sobbing in their room!

Thanks for always posting such good fics💙💙

a/n - AAAAA IT HURT ME TOO 😭 omg wait this would be so sad but cute at the same time- tysm anon!! I’m so glad you like my works :)) 💜💜💜💜

Warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, part 1

It’s always been you

- of all the things you wanted most in the world, it was for mihawk to share the same feelings you had for him

- When he asked you for help with confessing his love to another, your heart broke in two, it was like your whole world came crashing down for a moment

- it was painful to help him, knowing that those words weren’t meant for you.. but for someone else

- how lucky that person was to be the receiver of Mihawk’s love

- why couldn’t it be you?

- you went to your room to hide for the rest of the day, face in your pillow as you started to cry quietly

- Mihawk always knows what’s happening, so he managed to hear your sobs from outside the door

- he didn’t want to intrude in case you didn’t want anyone to bother you.. But he just HAD to open the door, he couldn’t take it, hearing you cry like that

- But before you opened the door, he heard you say this, “There was someone else?… Dammit!”

- He stopped, his hand stuck on the doorknob, wait- so did you love him back? Were you literally just being your oblivious self?

- He wanted to break down the door just to confess his love again, but- that really wasn’t his style

- he knocked before opening the door, making you scramble to your feet, pretending as if you were doing something else

- your act was seen through way before you even knew he was there, tears still flowing down your cheeks, snot starting to leak out of your nose, your eyes puffy and red from sobbing

- “Y/n what’s wrong?”

- You could barely stand to look him in the eyes, “Um. I heard what you said- not that I was eavesdropping..” wait- he was.. STUTTERING?!

- you were shocked, mihawk never stuttered, never

- “There’s not someone else, it’s always been you.” He managed to say, the SLIGHTEST tint of pink on his cheeks

- you were about to faint or start sobbing again, you really didn’t know which one was gonna happen

- why not both?

- Mihawk was a bit confused as to why you were crying- were you depressed by his confession?

- maybe this was the best day of your life, you really didn’t know, but you gave him a big hug as you ugly sobbed into his chest

- prepare for the most awkward hug of the year, and very weird back pats 💀

- it’s like he’s trying to say “there there” but literally doesn’t know how???

- idk the message came across alright 😭

- imagine Benn dragging Shanks to his room and just slamming his drunk ass on the floor while dumping a bucket of water on him 💀

- benn would literally just leave him be before he managed to hear someone crying in your room

- who else would it be other than you?

- to you, shanks was sooo- amazing

- there was no one else you had more feelings for than him

- His playful personality, the way he literally was drunk 24/7 and always flirting with you, and even the way he’d go to you whenever he’d start sobbing after drinking too much

- but when he asked you for help with confessing his feelings to someone else, you couldn’t help but have your heart shatter

- …you thought maybe there was hope that he liked you! With all that flirting he’s done with you, how could he like someone else?

- I guess you thought wrong

- fast forward to you starting to sob into your blankets, struggling to wipe all your tears away with your wet sleeves

- “There was someone else... I’m so stupid.” You said between sobs as you pounded your bed, your face slamming into your pillow, cries being muffled by the soft fabric

- benn hears all, you can’t escape him

- he grabbed shanks and shoved him against the wall for him to listen, and as you kept sobbing about how there was someone else, Shanks literally just ascended

- he sprinted out the room, breaking a window or two, maybe even a picture frame before bursting into your room, polluting the air with his alcoholic smell 💀

- “Y/n *hicc* I love you too-!”

- *dies and snores on the ground*

- … this asshole

- “What?! Shanks! Wake up!”

- literally didn’t wake up until 1pm the next day

- woke up hungover asf and literally didn’t remember confessing, but when you started kissing his cheek and giving him cuddles, he just went along with it 💀💀

- thought god enlightened his path, making everything he wanted come true 🫠

- he’s gonna go sulk in his little training room for however long

- one of those people who will do a thousand pushups for every tear he sheds 💀💀

- (he actually cries a bit tho- he’s sad)

- after his 100000008 push-ups, he was tempted to go to your room and just- spit out all these bottled up feelings, but he didn’t

- when he walked past your room, he heard muffled sobs from inside (don’t ask me how he found your room he has an internal compass for you)

- “I’ve liked him for god knows how long- shit!” You said, sniffling and blowing your nose into nearby tissues

- Zoro’s eyes widened, so- you did like him!

- he was jumping for joy (inside his mind) on the outside he looked like 😐

- he opened the door without knocking, completely interrupting your crying session

- “Y/n. I heard you.”

- …

- “Why are you spying on me-?!”

- “I’m not spying on you dammit!”

- “Then how’d you hear me?!”

- “I- I was just listening very carefully as I walked by!”

- … idiot

- “Y/n. There’s not someone else. It’s always been you, not anyone else.”

- his words were filled with so much- devotion and sincerity, it was almost weird to see Zoro be so- romantic

- You were happy of course! But it was a bit shocking- and you were still trying to stop crying..

- There was a long awkward silence after his words, making him start blushing like crazy

- “Can you say something you idiot!” -Zoro

- “What am I supposed to say?!”

- “I don’t know maybe- I love you too or something?!”

- “… I love you too Zoro.”

a/n - these were cute :)

[blushedarmybunny]

After his Shadow || Jeon Jungkook x Fem Reader

♡ Pairing: Athlete!Jeon Jungkook x fem reader

♡ Word count: 2.6 k

♡ Genre: Angst (m), toxic relationship.

♡ summary:

He is the most loved athlete in Korea, and you are just his girlfriend until after four years you decide to leave him and is the best and at the same time the worst thing you could have ever done.

♡ a/n: I hope you like it, anon that requested this piece i made it angsty bc that is the vibe i got, idk but I maybe write a part 2 please comment if you want.

PART 2 IT'S UP

There is no feeling to describe how dysfunctional your personal relationship with Jeon Jungkook is and how it casts so many shadows on your own personal demons. You can barely recognize yourself even when you are detoxicating from all the shit you had to put up in the past 4 years. After breaking up with him you supposed to feel free but instead a sense of dread crept out behind you every day leaving you with lack of sleep and shakings all over your body, or as they call it anxiety.

You’d been hiding from everyone, deep rooted in your grandfather lake house which you had the spare key, that’s where you had been laying in bed for the past week and a half, just answering your mom’s text and eating less to not have the necessity of going out for groceries. Yes, you were far from Korea but you know that they will find you, they always find you.

The press, the obsessive fans or just about anyone that follows up the sports stars in the world of football, because Jeon Jungkook is big, more than that he is a superstar well loved by the public especially, his fans. He is very young but also very talented and has too much fame and power to the point he is almost untouchable. In his own country he is almost a god, no Korean football player can dream to become as big as him, whenever he is outed somewhere the traffic literally stops while crowds of people gather following his pace, after all he is the team leader who brought South Korea their first world cup, his team mates were now globally famous because of this and after the absolute pandemonium that was taking the glory to his country Jeon Jungkook became an athlete legend.

Every girl would throw herself at his feet, so everyone was shocked when he publicly announced his relationship with you four years ago, you had no idea what were you doing back them, all you can do now is regret your naivety. You had some idea that your new boyfriend was wealthy but everything progressed fast, too fast, to realize the extend of his fame. You suddenly were kissing for the first time and next thing you know is him posting on his insta that you two are boyfriend and girlfriend and then it hit you. You blame yourself for not google him before accepting going out with him after a casual party in a bar, it was so stupid but not more than the face the press photographed the day after the post, you were cluelessly walking down the street trying to grab some coffee and then some people run to your side with cameras in their hands, flashing lights all over, such a confusing situation that you ran back to your apartment and demand explanations from him.

From there it was a wild ride, crazy calls from every person you knew, your 3-digit following account rising up to the six digits on the same day, Jungkook stopping by so casually that it must have raise an alarm inside you but it didn’t, it fucking didn’t.

So that brought your path to what is your life in this moments, a full grown women hiding under the blankets deleting every picture on her phone, dried eyes, no tears just dark circles and a undecipherable expression. Suddenly you came across a blurry picture from way back, cheeks fuller and a bubbly smile, it was cute at the moment but the people had tore apart every single detail of your face that you can’t  longer find anything nice about that moment of your life. That’s why you didn’t bother to check any of your socials, the aftermath of the breakup was too ugly and you were the villain, you were always the villain.

Because Jeon Jungkook was Korea’s national treasure, not only nationals but his fans all over the world would defend him before anything and anyone, fame was a weapon that could be used against you and he realized that very soon into the relationship, you did something that made him upset? He can post some pathetic tweets leaving some hints. You try to push back from his ‘love’ and ‘protection’? he misses goals at an important match and points out to press after that he has been feeling ‘emotionally unstable’. God forbids you ask to take some time from the relationship because he would cancel a match making a social media circus and you being guilt tripped and publicly shamed back to him.

All of that just to everyday being gaslighted by everyone in how lucky you truly are for being his girlfriend, it was a sick joke.

“And what the fuck is this? Are you out of your fucking mind, Yn?” Jungkook yelled at you while he showed you a picture of you in your best friend’s boyfriend birthday, you had know him since uni, your best friend and him were engaged, you had known him for so many years that you greeted him with a hug  and that was exactly what you were doing in the picture, but the angle, oh that damn angle made you look like you were kissing each other.

“You tell me you are in a trip with your friends and this is what you fucking do? I look like the biggest fool in the news!” Jungkook sentenced while you look at him with concern.

“I was just hugging him!” you fight back, his eyes made an imponent statement at your direction.

“Why are you hugging another man? How is that proper, tell me?” his ironic tone made an echo through your head.

“You really baffle me, I hugged him because he is my friend and because I wanted to? Who you think you are to control me?” you snapped back at his rhetoric but he didn’t seem pleased at your response.

“You rub your tits in another man’s chest and when I don’t like that you are the one who gets mad? You truly are something…” Jungkook scoffed  “Can you see that you and your so called ‘friend’ is making me look bad?”

“This is so fucking tiring, what are we exactly discussing here? I told you I was hugging a friend end of conversation”

“Is that so? You don’t care then? When people laugh in my face and later call you a slut?” Jungkook said bitterly, he was mocking you, because he knew how things worked in his world.

“You know this is exactly why I think we don’t make sense, you seem to take pleasure in making me doubt myself and making everyone dislike me!” you can feel the tears wanting to come out but have to be strong.

“You need to know your place, Yn, you know you are in the wrong when the crowd it’s calling you out, if they are calling you a slut then…”

You hit him across his face, it was no use because your strength could not really hurt him, but it did caught his attention.

“it’s not fair, and never will be, they are on your side always and you know that!” you exclaimed clenching your teeth, Jungkook at the sight of your frustration he smiled.

“that’s right it’s not fair, knowing that information and you still dare to slap me? Don’t you know my next match is in two hours I have to leave this apartment in a few minutes and when they see the pictures leaving this apartment upset, a mark on my cheek and later a low performance on the match, what they will think of you?” Jungkook asked still smiling, you gasped in horror.

“Yeah exactly, now apologize to me and I will consider to put a mask when I go outside” there he  was being in control again, he had you cornered, he made you small.

“I’m sorry” you murmured, his hands grabbed your face making you look up to him, his eyes scanning yours, he leaned over and kissed your lips, you move your move lazily corresponding to his more passionate kiss.

“That’s right, baby, I know you are sorry”

You rolled over bed and kept deleting all you could, the memory has left you with a bitter taste in the mouth that quickly made you nauseous you run into the bathroom to throw up, while you wash up you look at your pathetic reflection in the mirror the same pathetic expression of that time when you actually tried to left him thanks to his very public indiscretion.

The aftermath of all that mess is threatening you with a head ache but the mind still goes to that specific place.

“How dare you, huh?! You bark at any man that glances at my direction but you go to a fucking yacht party kissing every model on sight!” you throw the tabloid at his face, he looks up with his big doe eyes, parting his mouth like he was just exposed without any warning, he blinked a few times perplexed “You pathetic scum I should had neve-“

“I know you are mad” he simply said and you can feel your eye twitching in disbelief. “Can you calm down a bit”

“Calm down?!”

“Look I’m sorry okay, it won’t happen again it was a stupid mistake” he brushed off the whole situation like it was nothing and you were starting to lose it.

“Mistake? Are you fucking kidding me? There are videos, Jungkook, you seem pretty fucking chill while those bitches are sitting on your lab…”

“Yn…”

“Then you kissed them like it was the most fucking natural thing to do…”

“Oh my god, stop, it’s not that big of a deal, I apologized!”

“And you expect me to accept it?”

“Those girls nobody knows them, but you are my girlfriend, aren’t you?” he asked with an irritated expression.

“I don’t understand you, Jungkook, I really don’t, let’s just break up that way you can kiss all the models you want” you responded completely tired of his bullshit.

“You are still mad, I see” he said standing up and walking towards you.

“Don’t go near me!” you warned him but he keeps coming close until he is in front of you then he takes your hips and pulls you down while he takes a seat in the couch, you end up in his thigh.

“I know baby, you must be angry” said affirming you in his leg, you were only wearing a skirt so your underwear was the only barrier against his muscular thigh, you got nervous. “You don’t have anything to be jealous about, you want this don’t you? You saw me in the video doing this and now you want me to take you in that way?” he asked looking at your eyes and your lip trembling he grabbed your hips and move you hitting that precious spot making you pant.

“that’s right baby” Jungkook said an erection forming in his shorts “I know you want to move” he said to you with a cheeky smile you closed your eyes and nodded you felt how he spank you with dry sound, the wetness now lubricating Jungkook’s thigh, he always looked good in uniform.

“how do you call me?” he asked while pulling up his shirt showing his abs and taking out his growing cock jerking it a few times, he spanked your ass once again when you didn’t respond.

“…Daddy” you managed to say between moans, now fully moving your hips in his thigh while he jerks up, you did not last much longer and while you had your orgasm the grin that Jungkook gave you was enough to sink you after your high, back into humiliation.

“You fucking slut, ugh you’re so hot” he said between his heavy pants, his seed spilled all over his abdomen soon enough when you were washing up in the shower, he turned you over to wash your hair with shampoo then he suddenly whispered in your ear:

“While I’m right here taking care of you I still can’t bother to remember those girls names or faces” he said while he continued to massage your head “ you have nothing to worry about” you closed your eyes trying to believe in his words, that’s all you wanted in that moment.

Your stomach growled screaming for food, you walked to the kitchen making the laziest thing you could and swallowing it, then back to bed, that has been your routine the past week, you felt disappointed in yourself, at the end of the day that’s what Jungkook has done to you, he left you so empty.

Because of both of your natures your relationship continued to be unstable and the public was right there to enjoy the circus, every single time.

It didn’t matter how many more indiscretions Jungkook had, the media crucified you no matter what, not attending to his matches was more than enough to enrage his crazy fans. You didn’t have the basic right to be mad whenever he doesn’t do his part.

Jungkook just likes to take and take from you, his jealousy was a problem but his cheating was not.

His sexual needs mattered but your emotional needs were ignored. He acted like the perfect boyfriend in public just to treat you like you don’t exist every time his friends call him on the weekends.

Being in a relationship with Jeon Jungkook was a state of constant confusion. And it all did not make any sense on why he kept insisting in continuing the relationship, he would do anything, get mad, act upset to the public, put at risk an important match, even cry whenever you tried to bring up your need of wanting out, but with his actions Jungkook has made very clear he wasn’t done toying with you, and you had no say on it.

At the end you hit the bottom after four years of this so called ‘relationship’ and once you snapped back out of your submission you did not look back. Took your stuff and while he was busy in another freaky party in Japan, you flew back home taking serious steps into going incognito. Yes, Jungkook called you like a thousand times but nothing that a block can’t resolve. You announced him your break up  in a letter that you send him via text before blocking him, then you made it public via twitter simply putting:

Jungkook and I are not in a relationship anymore, please respect my privacy.

And after that you had been trying to hide from the rest of the world, you had a vague notion of how the rest of world reacted at least in the first days, Jungkook fought with a photographer outside of a bar completely drunk, he made very alarming tweets, it was all over the news, but you did not know the details or bother to dig deeper, his fans almost throwing a celebration party but at the same time blaming you for everything wrong that is happening to Jungkook.

You did not judge yourself on how you ended things with him either, you were kinda running away, but it was the best option in where he didn’t get to manipulate you or black mail you.

At the end of the day you were the only person who can pick yourself up from the ground, and make whatever you want your life to be, and with Jungkook out of the way, who can stop you?

There is only one way up, right?

[444ileen]

♡ sweet loving ~ hinata shoyo ♡ no.1

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ time-skip era! angst, cursing, heartbreak >_<

[no.2 click here]

⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆

“let’s…break up [name]”

hinata shoyo was going to be your highschool sweetheart. at least that was you and everyone was expecting. until he “kindly” dumped you last minute and left to go pursue his dreams in a whole other country.

whats worse is he made the decision for you both it came out of no where there was no room for you to argue.

“let’s break up [name]” he said with a sad smile.

“hinata what the fuck are you literally saying?”

“it’s better this way…i don’t want what we have to be ruined when i leave i’m not even sure how long i’m gonna stay in brasil i can’t do that to you”

“you—hinata you literally leave tomorrow?!? why are you just doing this now it isn’t fair we decided we planned…”

“i do not want to hurt you or anything”

“hinata” your voice begins to crack a bit as you feel a lump in your throat

“i know i know baby” he quickly hugs you tight “i love you…i’ll see you later”.

bittersweet.

when you woke up the next day to go with him to see him off you found out he told you the wrong time. you didn’t even get to say goodbye.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆

there’s a limit of things people can take. it’s been two years and you can bare the sight of seeing hinata happy without you in his life. truly you support him and all but there’s an ugly part inside of you that tears apart when he posts about how amazing his life is. you unfollowed him but can’t help but check on him every once in awhile.

you hardly took his calls or responded to his messages. he’s tried and never gave up it’s less frequently now but you gotta hand it to him he is determined to still be friends.

instead focusing on school and anything that will take your mind off of him.

“hello earth to [name]”

“what?”

“geez did you listen to a word i said?”

you were dozing off in your class almost even falling asleep. staying up late will be the death of you.

“nope”

“i said let’s go out it’s friday!”

“i’m not sure about that [f/n]”

“ehh but you had so so much fun last time”

“i blacked out and ended up waking up with like ten boxes of pizza!”

“pfft—”

“it’s literally not funny (it is) we literally ate pizza for weeks”

“i’m sick of pizza this time order something different”

“[f/n]!”

“okay okayy i’ll make sure you don’t black out like last time heyyy you can’t say i didn’t take care of you cause i did!”

[f/n] was a friend you made when you first started school. honestly the people at karasuno were the only people you had made friends with but you distant yourself from them quite a bit. although you still go out with yamaguchi, tsukkisima and yachi whenever you guys could align your schedules.

with much convincing from [f/n]. you sat at the bar watch your friend flirt with some guy to guarantee free drinks.

ding! ding! ding!

your phone got your attention as you shoot your friend a smile.

[6 messages from karasuno ★ gc]

[8 messages from pookies ♡︎ gc]

[4 messages from yachi ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚]

[1 message from unknown maybe:hinata shoyo]

smile dropped to so fast…

night officially ruined.

✎: hello! i will be making this possibly into multiple parts :3 i love love love hinata pls i have time skip hinata brain rot and decided to just write it out to pass the time. i know it’s probably not even good lmaooo tell me why im so scared to post.

[cyvmints]

2. “I could never not love you.”

When Bruce comes home from work, Alfred greets him.

He immediately starts to worry.

Usually, Alfred is tailed by a pair of little footsteps happily skipping behind.

Today, Dick is nowhere to be seen.

Bruce frowns as he lets Alfred take his coat.

“Where’s the little one?”

Alfred shakes his head. “I have yet to see Master Dick this afternoon. I’m afraid I’ve been quite preoccupied with preparing for tomorrow’s gala that it slipped my mind. Last time I checked in on him was after lunch. He was in the library perusing for a new book to read I suppose.”

Bruce hums. “I’ll go see if he’s still there. Thanks, Alfred.” He then makes his way to the right wing of the manor where the library was located. It was odd. Dick was usually so eager to greet Bruce whenever he comes home; is always by the door with Alfred when he enters the home. To not have him greet Bruce made the man worry. There was something wrong.

He finds out as soon as he walks into the library and hears sniffles in between the bookshelves.

He quietly makes his way toward the sound and feels his heart break when he sees Dick seated on the floor by a bookshelf, his little arms wrapped around his knees and his head hung low, tears quickly dripping.

Bruce rushes to him and crouches. He feels his heart beating out of his chest with worry.

“Dick? What’s wrong?”

The child slowly looks up, tears streaking down his cheeks. When he sees Bruce, his lips tremble and he lets out a heart-breaking sob.

“M-M’sorry, Bruce—M’ so sorry,” the child stutters.

Bruce is quick to wrap his arms around the nine year old. Dick’s cries get louder as Bruce tightens his embrace.

Bruce lets him cry. He whispers comforting words but Dick continues to cry.

It takes nearly 10 minutes before Dick finally calms down. When he does, Bruce gently pulls away just enough to look Dick in the eyes. He brings out his handkerchief from his pocket and wipes the tears on Dick’s cheeks.

“Do you want to talk about it, chum?”

Dick sniffles and nods his head, although hesitantly.

“We don’t have to talk about it yet if you don’t want to,” Bruce adds as he places his hand on top of Dick’s hair.

“N-no. I have to tell you, Bruce.”

“What is it?”

“I—,” Dick hesitates again before he nods determinedly. “I broke a vase, Bruce.” Dick’s eyes start to water again. “I-I’m so sorry.”

At that, Bruce’s heart steadies. Relief floods his system. He smiles at the boy in front of him.

“Which vase did you break, chum?”

“The one near the classics bookshelf…”

Bruce shakes his head, still smiling.

“Is that why you were crying?”

Dick nods shyly and sniffs.

“Oh, chum,” Bruce chuckles. “Everything’s alright, yeah? I’m not mad that you broke a vase.”

Dick’s eyes snap up to look at him. “R-really?”

Bruce nods. “Really, really. But what made you cry so hard, bud? Is it just because the vase broke?”

Dick hesitates again. “I-…I was afraid you wouldn’t to adopt me anymore b-because I broke it. I didn’t mean to be a klutz, Bruce! I really didn’t see the vase before I bumped into it!”

“Hey,” Bruce takes hold of both of Dick’s hands and squeezes. “I wouldn’t not adopt you just because of something as silly as that, Dick. I could never not love you because of something so trivial.”

“R-really?” Dick’s eyes fill with hope, their spark slowly returning.

Bruce nods. “Really. The vase is nothing compared to how much I care for you, bud. that can’t be measured by monetary means.”

At that, Dick’s entire being brightens once again. He’s back to that joyful kid that Bruce has come to love and treasure.

“And to be honest, bud, that vase was always so ugly. So, thank you for getting rid of it.”

Dick laughs, loud and happy, and Bruce immediately feels his heart lighten.

[11queensupreme11]

What would yanderes be like as in-laws? (Poseidon would undoubtedly be in the worst in-laws since technically he IS his own father-in-law). From the best to the worst.

A) One of their children's boyfriend/girlfriend is everything they detest/hate in a person.

B) Percy behaving like a good mother-in-law. (I honestly see Percy being the typical mother-in-law who says phrases like: don't worry son, you're part of the family now, feel like you're at home or just being friendly and sociable with the her son/daughter's partner.)

C) The son/daughter always talks about his/her partner. WHENEVER he gets the chance, he even comes up with cheesy (or extremely sweet) words.

D) When yanderes comment or try to do something to their child's partner, the son/daughter will defend their partner tooth and nail. Always PROTECTING you from something bad happening to you.

//

Additional bonus. The girl/boy is a mortal who believes nothing in the existence of gods. (Or simply the boy/girl is a weak mortal)/I think DaddyPose wouldn't be happy/)

poseidon would be the father-in-law from hel. he'd be terrible even IF he actually somewhat approved of the partner, but he's an absolute NIGHTMARE if he doesn't 💀 the kid doesn't have time to introduce their partner cuz he would straight up kill them the second they find out they're human. relationship over an instant

hades would be okay with it. he's a little iffy about the relationship, but he won't be rude to the partner especially when he sees how much his child loves them. he does, however, warn his kid that if they REALLY want to be together, then the person would have to accept immortality and godhood. if the partner doesn't and his kid doesn't wanna force them, hades would pressure them to break up to save his kid from future heartbreak

apollo's a little huffy about it. i mean, a human??? you're MY kid, you couldn't score any better???? 💀 he'd be pretty rude upon first meeting cuz he's already pointing out their physical flaws and calling them ugly 😭 percy would have to tell him to stfu. it'd take some time for him to accept it, but when he (begrudgingly) does, he would insist that his child deify them QUICKLY before they lose them (he's paranoid). he would actually FORCE the partner to ascend to protect his child from the heartbreak of having to lose them because he knows how much that hurts

beelzebub wouldn't outright hate it. he'd be curious about why his child picked a human when they could've fallen for someone better so he stalks and researches on the partner to learn more about them. finds nothing special about them and doesn't get why his kid likes them so much. he believes the relationship will amount to nothing so he uses his abilities to control the partner; make them angrier and more violent, more jealous and possessive, just overall more toxic to the point that the kid would get sick of it and dump them on the spot.

loki would be DISGUSTED and he would make it very obvious. the only reason he's not jumping the brat and killing them for wasting his kid's time is because percy's got a good grip on his arm. he'll be very snarky and cruel towards them tho and say a bunch of shit that makes the partner run out in tears. he'd have a good laugh until percy and his kid start yelling at him, then he'll get pissed that THEY'RE mad at HIM, and take the anger out on the human and kill them

so best to worst in-law:

Hades: he's most likely to be okay with the relationship and won't interfere much

Apollo: he'll begrudgingly accept it, won't try to kill the kid, but would force them to ascend

Beelzebub: would NOT accept it, but he won't kill them.... just control them into becoming a bad person so his kid would leave them

Loki: only reason he's not number five is because the partner at least has a few more minutes to live after the first meeting

Poseidon: is the worst because the partner will INSTANTLY die after first meeting him

[softrozene]

“Who is it going to be?” - Molly

From an old event I did called the Sad Yee Haw Hours:

anon requested: Can I please get Molly x female reader for 5? I hope you feel much better soon and are staying safe 😔

rdr2 masterlist 

Thank you honey! I’m staying safe as I can and taking it day by day still. Here is your sweet angst. I hope you enjoy it, Love! 

Originally published on May 24, 2020

Molly x Female Reader

Scenario Starter 5: “Who is it going to be?”

Warnings: Angst, mentions of cheating, hearts be broken and it’s the reader’s, I did my girl wrong in this- refer to the last sentence I wrote lmao-

Words: 703

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“Who is it going to be?” You ask your eyes not leaving hers for a second.

She stares at you with slight confusion before she realizes that you are finally making her choose between you and Dutch. She looks shocked.

“We can’t do this here and now. Dutch is going to be here any second,” Molly says.

She looks terrified of Dutch finding out what has been going on but you don’t care. You really don’t care. Your heart has gone through enough pain for her and whenever you think you are getting closer to securing her in a relationship she deserves she pushes you back. She falls right back into his arms and it nearly kills you every time.

“We can. You had enough time to think about this…”

The stare she gives you suggests that she already has her answer. You feel your breath hitch slightly and your heart race as it tries not to break then and there.

“Of fucking course. I should’ve known better. I have done everything for you that he doesn’t do for you. When will you see that you deserve more than him? I… God, do you know how much I love you? I am the one taking the risk for you each time. I come and visit you at your request. I go to such great lengths for you and you would really rather be with that man? He doesn’t pay attention to you. All you are is eye candy for him and even then you see the way he stares at Mary-Beth!” You rant.

You know you’re pushing it but you deserve to say every word. In your eyes, she deserves to know how much pain you are in. How you really do feel like you are dying by seeing her surprised expression turn into a hard stare.

She hisses at you. “I think you should go. Dutch is a great man.”

“Was I just some toy for you then? Some plaything for you to use until Dutch pays attention to you? Do you even realize how much pain you are putting me in right now? What am I saying? Of course you don’t. You don’t care about anyone but yourself and I hate how that is something I love about you,” You say.

It’s like you can’t stop talking. All of the emotions want to burst out of you right here and now and they sort of do. Your eyes are misty and cloudy before you blink and the tears fall.

This time her face turns serious and she admits. The fact that she admits it hurts more than ever. “You don’t mean anything to me. How could you provide for me the way Dutch does?”

That is laughable. You want to laugh, scream, and cry. She continues, “I appreciate all the times you’ve came for me and kept me company but I love Dutch. I am in love with him. He’s the one for me.”

The ugly sob you are so trying desperately ignore almost comes crashing out. Thankfully, though, a distraction happens. The man you despise walks in. He looks confused as he sees your crying form and Molly’s awkward one.

“Miss (Last Name), what can I do for you?” Dutch asks.

You glance at Molly. You can see the distrust and fear in her eyes. If it’s possible, it’s the distrust, and the fact that she is scared of you bringing up her cheating with you makes you want to cry even more. You aren’t that petty as much as she thinks you must be. You hate it. You hate everything as you force a smile and turn to Dutch.

“Sorry, Dutch. I came here looking for you to ask about any medicine you can bring it. I ain’t feeling too well and the stuff Grimshaw has isn’t kicking in. That’s it. Sorry for worrying you and thank you Molly. Thank you for showing me your true self just now.”

Dutch narrows his eyebrow down as he asks, “Miss O’Shea helped you?”

You want to laugh and defend her at the same time. You merely nod. “Yeah. You can say that. Thanks again Dutch.”

You helped me dodge a bullet.  

[mariacallous]

(JTA) — “We are immigrating to America.” It was 1989, and my parents had sat my sister and me down in our living room to break the news. In those years of economic and political instability, as well as the ethical injustice of apartheid, many Jewish South Africans had an exit plan. Our time had finally come, and I was devastated. I sobbed big ugly tears. 

In my mind, I was leaving more than the comfort of my family and friends. I was leaving the only way of life that I understood. South Africans as a group are traditionally Orthodox but not necessarily observant; Shabbat dinners followed by TV was how I grew up. Immigrating to a vast new world made me petrified that I would lose my Jewish identity.

When I arrived in Florida, I got involved with a local theater group for teens. But as much as I loved performing, I became a drama dropout, in the name of Shabbat. I traded rehearsals for the sound of the chazan singing “L’cha Dodi.” I️ chose tasting challah and grape juice with my family over eating McDonald’s French fries with fellow thespians. Eager to remain rooted in a world that was familiar, observing Shabbat became my way to recreate home.

I think about this change every year at Rosh Hashanah, an opportunity to begin our lives anew. Our hearts are open, our books are open, the shofar cries out and we cry out with it. We reckon with ourselves and we reckon with God. Every year, the High Holy Days call upon us to pause, reflect and consider what changes we need to make to bring more justice to ourselves and the world around us. What part of our past must remain unchanged, and what do we have the power to change for the better? Yehuda Amichai, in his poem “My Parents’ Motel,” captures this very dichotomy as he describes his father’s dying words. After recalling his father’s softer and gentler version of the Ten Commandments, he says: 

I want to add two to the Ten Commandments:

The eleventh commandment, “You will not change,” and the twelfth commandment, “Change, you will change.”

Amichai’s two invented commandments have guided me from my earliest days, constantly exploring how to hold onto change without changing too much, and how to balance tradition with modernity in a world that does not always value religion. For me, that liminal space between changing and not changing — and the desired pace at which change can or should occur — remains a constant undercurrent in my life and leadership. 

In 2010, many people objected to Rabbi Avi Weiss for ordaining me as the first female Orthodox rabbi. The sudden media attention brought on an onslaught of criticism. Orthodox change is seen as an oxymoron at its worst and decidedly slow at best. My ordination and my taking the title “rabba” (the feminine form of “rabbi”) several months later was seen as too much too fast. This move, I was told, would destroy the Orthodox community. 

The two rabbis who railed against me published an article called “Orthodox Women Rabbis?” and used a metaphor of orthodontics in expressing his views. Change, they said, quoting one of their teachers, must happen slowly, like the process of braces that methodically and slowly straighten teeth over time. Too much pressure, they accused, would cause the teeth to break.

It’s not that I don’t believe in patience. My patience has helped me slowly traverse many obstacles. Some of my colleagues, understandably, have accused me of being too patient! The metaphor I like for patience and the process of change is not orthodontics, but rather exercise. My trainer, with whom I have been working religiously, once a week every Monday afternoon, introduced me to the phrase “time under tension.” When you hold one position, be it a squat, plank or bicep curl, for a long period of time, it is called time under tension. Whenever I hear this phrase, usually while sweating, I always think about the process of change. I may be gasping for breath (and in pain), but I can’t help but imagine my muscles first being called to wake up, and then slowly, with lots of effort and energy (and did I mention some pain?) eventually changing, becoming better and stronger. 

When we put in the work, with a healthy dose of righteous anger, change becomes inevitable. Yet many people, like the orthodontics rabbis, have a visceral fear of change and they end up imprisoned by their past, remaining exactly where they are.

When people ask why I continue to invest in women’s leadership in the Orthodox world after I experienced so much resistance and animosity, my answer is this: if we want the Jewish community to grow and thrive, we cannot ignore the wisdom, insights, moral courage and spiritual rigor that women contribute. Our community has always benefited from many voices, scholars and genders. When women are undermined in Orthodox communities — where we truly and deeply belong — everyone misses out.

Rabbeinu Yonah Gerondi, in his introduction to “Shaarei Teshuva,” or Gates of Repentance, a book that is often read on the days leading up to Rosh Hashanah, tells a story about a group of bandits that were imprisoned by the king. After a few days, the prisoners dug a tunnel, a route to escape. But there was one prisoner who was immobile. He could not crawl through the tunnel to freedom. He remained imprisoned, plagued by his past. 

We are often stuck behind the walls we create for ourselves. 

We have to know when to forge ahead and when to have the patience to wait. We have to know what to shift, what to transform and what to keep intact. We have to know which external fears inhibit our ability to change and what personal cages we erect for ourselves. I have come to realize that although the process of becoming ordained was slow and methodical for me, it opened up a pathway for hundreds of other women to actualize their dream of being halakhic and spiritual leaders. The accusations of “too fast” were just a front for some people’s resistance and discomfort to change. 

Rosh Hashanah is the opportunity to ask ourselves, “Which changes are we seeking? What gets in the way of evolving in the ways we want?” Perhaps the shofar sounds are emblematic of the tensions, paces, and anxieties of change. On one hand, the fast, quick t’ruah — the tu-tu-tu-tu-tu — is like an alarm that awakens the soul to act. The slower drawn out sounds of the shevarim — tu, tu, tu — remind us of what should not change too fast, and of the deliberative slowness that sustains everlasting change.

Unlike my experience as an immigrant and as a rabbi, changes don’t always involve physically crossing an ocean or becoming more religious. But everyone has the capacity to traverse gulfs in their own lives — personally, communally and spiritually. We must embrace moments when we are called to change and when we are called to not change. We have to know when to hold onto the eleventh commandment, “You will not change,” and when to employ the twelfth commandment, “Change, you will change.”

May this year, 5784, bring deep cathartic awakenings, quick and necessary resolutions, and also the patience and fortitude to slowly and gradually relax ourselves into changes that can be everlasting.

[lluzionz]

hii can i request diluc finding out reader is anorexic feel free to ignore :)

Hello there dear anon. I really really hope that you just came up with the idea and not are anorexic yourself or someone you know. If that's the case, I am really sorry you had to go through something like this (or if is someone you know) but remember, you body is amazing no matter the size it is. Just like you. I love you so much you amazing, beautiful person <3

-

"Body size"

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Diluc x gn!reader

Tw: anorexia, comfort

A/n: Apologes to the person who sent this request, it literaly took so long and it's kinda all over the place..

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"You are fat" Was the three words that your refflection screamed at you every time you looked at yourself in the mirror. "You are fat, stop eating." The voice in your mind scolded you everytime you tried to eat anything and you listened, you stopped eating.

At first it wasn't that bad, just eating a little less than usual, avoiding sweets and fast food but as the time past by the amont of food you ate was less and less until it was nothing. "I'm hungry but I don't want to eat anything because I'll get fat again." You reminded yourself whenever your mind drifted off to dreamland, or rather, the food you used to enjoy a while back. "I have to change and that's final." That thought kept you going even when your felt like passing out from starving yourself.

"Aren't you going to eat your food?" Diluc's voice brought you back to reality as you turned your head to look at him. "I'm not really hungry." You replied as you gently pushed your plate from in front of you. "Besides, I'm on a diet. I need to loose some weight." You continued as Diluc put his spoon down and looked at you, taking your hand in his. "Y/N, I've noticed that lately you had been loosing a great amount of weight." He started and you felt your breath caughting on your throat as the words left his mouth. "I'm not asking you to tell me why do you want to loose weight. All I want you to do is to remember to not overdo it and to take good care of yourself and to me, you are perfect just the way you are."

A faint smile rested on his lips as he rested his hand on your cheek, giving it a little stroke with his thumb. You smiled back at him, feeling your heart breaking into pieces as his words settled in. Not overdo it? Take good care of yourself and to him you were perfect? Was he serious or he was just lying to make you feel better? You had no idea and this made you feel ever worse. What if he was with you only because he felt bad for you? What if he didn't actually liked you? All of this overthinking made you feel even worse so you removed his hand from your face and got up from your seat. "Are you ok my love?" He asked as he watched you walking away. "I'm just tired and I want to get some sleep." You tried to smile but nothing came out.

With slow, unsteady steps, you walked towards your shared bedroom and an layed down on the bed. You didn't even had the strength to chanfe your clothes. Your body was pretty weak and extremely skinny to the point were your bones had started showing. It was that bad. You didn't even let Diluc touch you let alone hug you anymore and you felt horrible about it but there was nothing you could do about it. You just couldn't let him see the things you were doing to yourself. "He would be so disappointed in me." Tears were rolling down your cheeks as you cried yourself to sleep.

Time passed by and things were only getting worse and worse. Diluc tried so many times to ask you what was bothering you but you never gave him a clear answer. "Oh I'm just tired" or "I didn't sleep well last night" or "I'm just not in the mood" was some of the excuses you used to cover up the damage you were doing to yourself, both mentally but mostly psychically. You were anorexic, even tho you had no idea that you were doing it because everytime you looked at yourself in the mirror, a fat ugly refflection of yourself stared back at you from the the other side of the mirror. It was awful but there was nothing you could do about it rather than keep going until you change, you become pretty.

"Y/N please, eat your food." Diluc begged you but your answer was the same. "I already ate." It was a lie, obviously, but you needed to lie to him in order to get him off your back. "I know you're lying..." He said in a low, almost like a whisper voice but you were still able to hear it. "I'm not lying." You stoop up abruptly from your seat which caused you to feel extremely dizzy and stumble back. "What's wrong?" He asked you as he managed to grab you before you could hit the hard ground. "Nothing, I'm j-just feeling dizzy all of a sudden..." Your voice trailed off as your eyes closed slowly, the last thing you remembered seeing was Diluc hovering over you, calling out your name, trying to wake you up.

Your eyes opened slowly and you looked around you, trying to undrestand where were you. You were in an unfamiliar room, machines were biping around you as you tried to get up from the bed you were laying to. "Relax Y/N. Don't move." Diluc's soft voice echoid throught the unfamiliar room as you turned to look at him. "W-where am I?" You asked as he took your hand in his, camling you down a bit. "You're in the hospital, you fainted in my arms." He said and flashes of last nights events rushed back to your mind. "I remember now but, why am I here?" You asked but Diluc didn't reply to you immidiately. He firstly took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before talking again. "As I held your fainted body in my arms, l realised that you had lost a great amont of weight, to the point were your bones are showing. I got extremely worried and rushed you to the hospital, where I found out that you are suffering from anorexia..." His voice caught on his throat as he tried to hide the lump on his throat.

You stayed silent. Your mind was completely empty. You knew you were harming yourself by not eating anything for a while now but you never realised how much damage you were actually doing and you ended up having anorexia. "I have anorexia..." Tears started falling from your eyes as you repeated the words over and over again, trying to accept reality but you couldn't. It was too hard. "I just want to ask you ome thing, why?" Diluc gathered your attention back to him as you wiped your tears away and turned to fully face him ansd then the truth came out. "I'm fat and so ugly and I wanted to change myself in order to become pretty." You said without taking a breath, just letting all your thoughts and feelings out as Diluc just sat there, listening to you talking.

When you were finally done comfessing to him all the lies you told him ever since this whole mess started. "Y/N, you know this isn't true. You are neither fat or ugly. You are just an amazing, beautiful person who sadly lacks the confidence and has low self esteem." His words hit you like a tone of bricks but he was absolutely right. Your low self esteem and lack of confidence had brought you to this, laying on a hospital bed and hocked up in machines, trying to correct your mistakes. "I'm sorry Diluc. I'm so sorry for being anorexic, lying to you and having you worrying about me." You tried to hold back your tears but it was impossible as they ran down your cheeks once again. "No no Y/N don't apologise to me. I'm the one who needs an apology but yourself is." He was quivk to correct you. "You tortured yourself for so long, trying to change and become "prettier" as you put it, only to end up in a hospital. Why? You are a beautiful person Y/N, inside and out without even trying but you sadly can't see that, your true beauty." He said, making you cry harder.

"You only see yourself as what you think it is and not for what it truly is and this makes me so sad because you can't see what I'm seeing, that beautiful person I fell in love with and will continue to love for the rest of my life." He said as he slowly got up from his seanmt and walked up to you, gently wrapping his arms around your skinny body hugging you close to him as you cried. "It's okay Y/N. Everything will be alright. I am here for you." He said as his hand run circles on your back in an attempt to comfort you. It worked as you slowly stopped crying and raised your head up to look at your lover. He looked down at you and smiled, bringing his hand up to wipe your tear stained cheeks. "I will be here for you and we will get through this together. Your pain and sadness are mine too so let me help you recover and be happy because, I can't afford to loose you. I love you so much and I can't imagine living in a world without you." Uppon hearing his words, smile made it's way across your lips as you hugged him as tightly as you could, using that small amount of strength that was left in your body. "I love you too Diluc."