#When the NPC is OP as hell

[sena-shi]

Protector of Teyvat (a troll hell-bent on reviving everyone just for fun) P—2

Isekai’d reader who is hell-bent on reviving everyone using your cheat code as the protector of Teyvat. With great power comes great benefits! Teyvat population stonks

Note: asmoday is the unknown god, reader also grants gnosis and visions, isekai, slight sagau, op reader

Summary: You are just a regular human being living your best life on Earth, collecting husbandos and waifus in Genshin Impact when all of a sudden you were isekai'd to Teyvat, but not as a traveler, a creator, or an NPC. You were a very close friend of both Celestia and the Unknown God, who is known as the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles. You too, hold a very important position of the highest order because unbeknownst to the general populace, you are the Protector of Teyvat from the outside forces. And so imagine the Archon's faces when their dead friend suddenly came back to life just so they can accompany you together with Aether and Paimon on a journey to spit on the Celestia's face

Timeline in Teyvat when you got transmigrated: Before any wars happened. Zhongli is probably sucking on a dragon pacifier or something if that even exists.

Warning: curse words, slight ooc, lore flying over the ocean and going for a swim, author removed the lore from the irminsul so act like you know nothing of it, i'm putting the lore in the cheese grater

“T-The hilichurls… turned into humans?” Because of what she had just seen, Amber's eyes were completely expanded, and you could almost get the impression that she was on the verge of exploding any moment now.

You find yourself thinking that it is understandable. After all, raising someone from the dead isn't something that happens very often; in fact, not even archons are able to do it.

You chuckled and smiled sarcastically at the three people who were staring at you in complete and utter disbelief.

You stood there with your arms crossed as you looked over at the hilichurls that had been transformed into humans with confused expressions adorning their faces.

"Oh wow…" You said while putting on a show of ignorance regarding what had just taken place. "What a miracle it is that they have been brought back to life!" You delighted everyone by clapping your hands.

"P-Paimon was very certain that it was Y/N who brought them back to life just now..." Paimon mumbled something to herself as she scratched the top of her head.

“Hm? That is ridiculous. I just smacked them across the face with a fried egg, see?" You answered as you moved closer to the hilichurls that had been converted into humans by slapping their faces with a fried egg that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

And as a matter of fact, a noticeable improvement could be seen in the appearance of the other people's skin after the fried egg had been applied to their faces. They let out a sigh of disgust as they observed the yolk splattered all over their faces.

"Paimon had no idea that a fried egg was capable of doing that..."

Aether shook his head at the innocence of his traveling buddy. It was perfectly clear that you were making light of the situation. At least now he is aware that you were telling the truth when you stated that you allowed the Anemo Archon to have a seat in the seven.

“This—” Amber opened her mouth to speak while simultaneously covered her mouth with her palm in shock. "This is really incredible news! You are able to give them a second chance at life!"

"What caused them to become humans?" Aether questioned while frowning in confusion.

You gave a light hum as you brought your hand up to pet him on the top of his head. "Perhaps your sister knows the answer you're looking for.”

“Our benefactor…” As soon as you turned your attention to them, they started talking, and Aether made a low rumbling sound.

You gave them a sideways glance while turning your head to the side since you thought it was likely that they were bewildered by the situation. Their final recollections would be of fighting for their homeland just before the curse took full impact.

They all got on one knee in front of you, which caused you to raise an eyebrow.

"Ah-ah, there's no need to be grateful to me. You probably aren't aware of this, but I'm a very awful person.” You said with a playful tone.

The people around you gave you a disapproving shake of the head as they expressed their dissatisfaction. Who in the devil would even believe a statement like that after what you have done?

“We were in such a painful dream— we are gratefu—"

You made a huffing sound while crossing your arms. "I find it extremely unpleasant when people thank me or express gratitude in any form. You deserve to live, no? I was only performing my duties at the time."

"Paimon speculates that Y/N is simply not accustomed to being thanked at...?"

You let out a sigh and shook your head in a deliberate manner. You looked down at them and they immediately thanked whichever gods were responsible for allowing them the opportunity to finally take a good look at the face of the one who had helped them.

They feel as though fortune was on their side because a God gazed at them with such kindness in their eyes, despite the fact that they were literally citizens from a nation that does not worship any gods.

"How can we possibly repay you...?"

You cocked your head to the side and hummed to yourself while you started to think.

“Brace yourselves.” You spoke.

“Wha—?”

"Oh, wait, here, have this." You smiled broadly as a variety of visions comprising a range of elements appeared seemingly out of thin air.

They did nothing but blink in bewilderment as they held the small vision in their hands, looking like toddlers who had been given machine guns.

At this very moment, Amber was on the verge of passing out. Witnessing a group of individuals all at once getting their visions is unsettling to say the least. It feels even more wrong to breathe the same air as you!

Oh, my archons, her life is not a sufficient payment to be able to witness such a once-in-a-lifetime event!

 “Let’s all hang out once in awhile, hm? Don’t forget to say hello to Lulu for me!”

Aether raised a brow. Lulu?

With a wave of your hand, they vanished into thin air, and you sent them to a place where Lumine and the Abyss Order are currently staying.

To say that Lumine was horrified to the core when a group of humans suddenly appeared above the head of the abyss mage who was just talking to her would be an enormous understatement.

"Y-You can grant visions too!?" The scream that Paimon let out was so loud that it made you wince.

“Sorry!”

You indicated with a wave of your hand that everything was fine, and Paimon immediately let out a sigh of relief.

"Aether, do you know her, or is she a stranger?" Amber's lips were covered as she leaned in close to the man and mumbled something. In response, he gave a nod that conveyed something close to uncertainty.

You snorted as you extended your hand in front of Paimon and insisted that she give you, her hand. And as she did, a gnosis appeared in your hand.

"Oh, my dear archons!" Paimon reacted, fixating her gaze intently on the bright object that was floating directly above your palm.

"If we were to sell this, we could make a ton of Mora!"

“What—!?” Amber and Aether shouted at the same time.

You blinked and stroked your chin with your index finger as if you were considering what you had just heard. "If I remember correctly, there was a term for buy one and get one free. What if we double it?"

"No no no! Paimon is not even certain that there is a single person in Teyvat who can afford a gnosis! In addition to that, don't you think the other archons will feel uncomfortable about it?”

"Why should we worry about how they feel?" You huffed as you continued, "The one ruling Inazuma handed her gnosis to a friend, the one ruling Mondstadt doesn't even use it, and the one ruling Liyue will probably give up his gnosis in the near future.

"Well, if we're talking about the wealthiest individual in Teyvat right this minute..." You made a soft mumbling sound.

“Should we offer it for sale to the Tsaritsa? You smiled mischievously while cocking your head ever-so-slightly to the side.

As soon as you uttered that, an excruciating ringing sound immediately started up in your head. You gritted your teeth and squeezed one of your eyes shut.

“Y/N, are you okay?” You heard Aether’s worried voice.

"I thought we were each other's best friends! You should be aware that she wants a fight with me!” You can clearly hear Celestia nitpicking away inside of your head. As is her custom, she is highly dramatic.

“Well, it’s partly your fault that she wants to fight you.”

The three looked at you in surprise and astonishment as your choice of words came out of nowhere. To silence them, all you did was give them your whole attention while pressing a finger to your lips.

“Hmph…” You could hear her dejected voice.

“Oh hush, you have me. Just let them do their own thing for now.”

“Alright, but why are you selling a gnosis?”

"Creating a strategy for one's own survival is the first step toward leading a more fulfilling life," After having a good laugh, you promptly severed your connection with the Celestia before she could even begin to complain again.

“At least come visit us—!”

Oh, your closest friends and their overprotective tendencies when it comes to you. Why won't they just let you breathe and stop figuratively and physically clutching onto you for dear life?

"Your highness, who were you speaking with only a moment ago?" Amber stuttered, and for some reason, despite her outgoing nature, she found herself experiencing sudden feelings of shyness. I mean, really, how could you possibly hold that against her?

She hasn't even entertained the thought of speaking with an archon, and yet here she is having a conversation with someone who is significantly more powerful than the archons!

“Oh please, Y/N is fine,” you gave her a friendly smile and told her, “The Celestia is in full support of our business!”

They were all shocked beyond belief and let out a collective gasp.

As they imagined every people of Teyvat holding a gnosis, everyone in the room began to break out in a cold sweat at the back of their necks. You couldn't possibly be serious, could you? Surely you must have been joking. Right?

You met three new people along the way, and the four of you set off on a journey to the city that is known for its freedom. They all came to an agreement that the information on your identity and the incident with the hilichurls should not be shared with anybody else.

You trailed closely behind them, periodically turning your head to take in the beautiful surroundings and the people who belonged to your little archon.

“Let me officially introduce the city of wind, dandelions, and freedom— Travelers under the protection of the Knights of Favonius — Welcome to Mondstadt!” Amber grinned broadly as she placed her hand on her chest and cupped her other hand on her hip.

"O-Oh, not that her highness Y/N doesn't already know about Mondstadt...” Amber massaged the back of her head nervously as you made her blush with your laughter.

"I don't. I didn't have enough time to look into it, so I'm grateful for the introduction. Mm, the only figure of this nation that I am familiar with is the archon,” You were able to make her feel better with the words that you spoke, and now Amber can be seen beaming with happiness once more.

That, as well, is a blatant lie. You have completed so many commissions in this nation while you were still a player, so of course you are familiar with every nook and cranny of this city.

You didn't say anything while Amber and Paimon went into great length explaining things to Aether; the only thing you did was hum sometimes in reaction to what they were saying.

You were on the sidelines as Aether received his wind glider and put it through its trials for the first time, which resulted in a successful outcome.

Ha, that kid used to fly around with his very own set of wings before.

You swung your legs around gleefully as you sat precariously perched over the railings.

It is only a matter of time before the city is shrouded by ominous clouds and Dvalin makes another appearance. This means that you will be able to see your little floatie as well.

Aether descended toward Amber, who was standing there waiting for him once more, as the three of them observed that thick clouds and fog had begun to cover the skies above Mondstadt.

“The sky...” Amber uttered those words with a note of apprehension.

People immediately began fleeing to safer areas as Aether and Amber gazed up at you with worried expressions on their faces, as if pleading with you to take some action.

You only smiled at them before speaking the words, “The stormterror is absolutely adorable, no doubt about it, no?

“E—Eh!?” Your response caused Paimon to exclaim, and at that very moment, a wind tornado was closing in on them and ultimately launched Aether into the air.

You heaved a sigh as you stood up from the rails, your palm shining with some unknown power as a barrier began to enclose the city and prevent any harm from approaching.

You sighed again as you began to protect the citizens of the city. However, since you didn't make an effort to clear away the fog, everything will continue to be a mystery.

You cast your sight upward, in the direction of where Aether is floating in the air thanks to Venti's power, and the two people who were observing you followed your gaze in that direction.

"Don't worry, your highness! We will be all right!"

You couldn't help but laugh as you soared to the location of Aether, where you could sense Venti disguising as one of the thousand winds.

“I’m preventing your fall with the power of a thousand winds.”

“Oh? Little floatie came into rescue too?” You teased as the mysterious voice began stammering.

“L-Little floatie…?”

"Alright, alright, let's concentrate on this," You gave Aether a friendly smile while you ruffled his silky locks with your fingertips.

"Don't worry about a thing; little floatie will look after you."

Aether frowned, indicating that he found the idea quite unappealing. "How about you?"

You hummed as you sensed the wind from Venti moving closer to you as though it was also interested in you.

"I'm quite curious to find out if slapping a fried egg on the stormterror's blood clot will be of any assistance."

Aether's jaw dropped in disbelief. You’re still not done with the fried eggs!?

"Hey, what do you think of this idea, little floatie?"

The mysterious voice heaved a cough and mumbled, "Eh..."

After hearing their response, you rolled your eyes at them. They had a feeling that you wouldn't be speaking anytime soon, so Venti made the decision to explain how to make use of the power.

You were observing everything that was going on around Aether as he started to harness the power of the wind.

You made a few comments about how the wind power looked like a machine gun which made Venti cough multiple times to hide his laughter.

“Not enough. Do you want me to slap you with an almond tofu for an increased damage?”

“W—What?”

You didn't bother to wait for his approval before presenting him with the plate of almond tofu that magically emerged in your hands and then you gently slapped it in front of his face.

It was such a surprising thing that you could practically feel Venti shaking, which almost caused him to lose control of the wind. It was that shocking.

As Aether took the final shot, Dvalin let out a roar, and you swiftly flew over to the dragon, which appeared to be about to collapse as it was shaking in the wind.

Venti stayed only long enough to watch the softening of your eyes as you stared at the blood clot on the dragon's back. Aether slowly flew down to the area where the others are, but Venti did not leave.

He watched as your bright hands gently caressed the dark crystal, which immediately silenced the dragon's roaring.

You were reluctant to completely remove the blood clot because it was Venti and Aether's responsibility to do it. However, because you are so compassionate toward individuals who are suffering, all you did was relieve the discomfort that the dragon was experiencing.

It is completely up to destiny to decide whether or not the abyss mage will still be able to exert control over the dragon.

"Little floatie," You moved your attention to the wind that was swirling. "The traveler is known to be trustworthy. I have complete faith that you are aware of the next steps."

The strong wind has started to die down, and the only sound that can be heard out is a faint “thank you.”

You led the weakened dragon back to the ground, and as soon as the two of you landed, three abyss mages suddenly appeared. You grimaced when you realized that Lumine must have sent them to seek you out.

"Our gracious benefactor," An abyss mage started things off. "Our princess would want to offer her sincere gratitude to—"

You heaved a sigh as you frowned and crossed your arms while looking at them. "I believed that I conveyed to them that receiving gratitude is not something that I like in any way,"

“Uh… they may have mentioned that.”

You gave your temples a light massage as the headache began to set in and asked, "So why are you here?"

"We would like to make a request that you lend us a hand in the restoration of our once-thriving nation and in rescuing its people from the curse."

"Oh, I had already made preparations to carry out that task," You gave your response, and then proceeded to yawn.

If only they knew that your two friends were the cause of their fall, they probably wouldn't be as friendly with you as they are now if they knew that.

As they drifted closer to you, the abyss mages showed signs of happiness; however, when they heard your next words, "But not right now," their happiness quickly turned to disappointment, and they almost plummeted to the ground.

“But— why?”

"Of what use is a nation if it does not have its people?" As you lounged contentedly on Dvalin's back, a sluggish expression began to appear on your face.

“So…”

"If I happen to come across one of your own, you can rest assured that I will deliver them to your princess so that she may deal with them." You uttered those words in a languid manner while staring at them. "Focus on gathering your people, since your nation will not all of a sudden grow a foot and run anyways." 

"We are in all sincerity grateful for—"

“Hush.”

They abruptly stopped speaking once they were reminded that you do not enjoy receiving gratitude or hearing thank yous in any form.

You are truly a weird God— they think. But kind like their princess, nonetheless.

“Then we shall return.”

You made a careless motion with your hand, indicating for them to leave immediately.

“Tell your princess that she should at least pay a visit to her twin, and if she does that, maybe I'll feel more motivated to assist you.”

Your level of excitement and enthusiasm is to be expected, of course. The sooner they come to an understanding with one another, the sooner they will get the fuck out of Teyvat.

That means, you won't have any more job to do. On the other hand, you get the impression that it won't be all that simple.

Not with the looks that Aether was giving you, and not with Lumine's nature, which dictates that she won't stop until she pays back whoever helped her out.

Just hush and go, okay!? What is it that they have planned for the following step? Bring themselves to their knees and make a formal request for your hand in marriage? You let out a sigh as the thought crossed your mind.

In spite of the fact that you intended to rebuild the once-mighty nation, you wanted to execute it in private. There is no question in your mind that once they discovered who their benefactor is, then and only then will they revere that benefactor. What then will become of a nation that does not believe in God or even worship one?

The mages of the abyss remained silent for a short while as they observed various expressions adorning your face. It turned out to be quite comical. It's no surprise that their princess was so interested in interacting with you that she issued a command to find you.

They continued to observe you while you glared, huffed, and grimaced at the ground, and it wasn't until you frowned at them that they eventually left with a quiet "thank you."

You rolled your eyes. “What a bunch of brats.”

As soon as you arrived back in Mondstadt, you saw the three of them speaking to Kaeya. Although the fog has long since dissipated, the sky itself is still completely dark.

As you made your way slowly towards the folks who were introducing themselves, you waved your hand and the barrier vanished before your eyes. 

“This is Kaeya, our Cavalry Captain.” Amber carried on talking as if she had not noticed your presence and proceeded. “These two are travelers from afar, Aether and Paimon.”

Kaeya looked at the two individuals and gave a nod in acknowledgement. He then made direct eye contact with you and asked, "And who might this young lady possibly be?"

Amber's eyes widened as she shifted her gaze back and forth between Kaeya and you. Kaeya saw the outrider's expression, which seemed to indicate that she was at a loss for words regarding how to introduce you.

Your presence elevated the level of excitement that he felt towards everything.

“Oh, I’m Y/N. I sell visions and gnoses.” You responded with an expression on your face that was completely expressionless, and your voice was completely emotionless, which made the situation even more awkward and unbelievable.

The response that you gave seemed to take Kaeya completely by surprise. You? Selling visions? How in the devil is something like that ever feasible? And just what exactly are gnoses?

“Uh… haha…” Amber, at a complete loss for words, scratched the nape of her neck.

"Oh? I had no idea that lady Y/N is such a practical joker,” Even though Kaeya appeared to be laughing, there was not the slightest indication of humor in his voice.

"Uh-huh, you bet! Paimon is in agreement that Y/N has a tendency to joke around quite a bit!” In a frantic effort to salvage the situation, Paimon quickly nodded her head.

"Well, if you want to buy one, all you have to do is ask me..." You just said it while crossing your arms.

“Oh? I was wondering if you could sell me one then." It appeared as though Kaeya was making fun of you with his charming smile; in fact, it almost felt that way.

You seemed curious about something as you cocked your head to the side and then asked, "Don't you already have a vision though?"

"Well, having two would certainly make things more interesting, wouldn't you say?"

You took a moment to think about it before giving your approval with a nod. As you lifted your hands and opened your palms, visions of several elements, each glowing brightly, suddenly appeared.

Huh? He thought you were just joking the whole time!

It would be an understatement to say that Kaeya was caught off guard by the revelation. Are you a fraud? A magician perhaps? However, the visions you are holding exude such an overwhelming amount of power that it is difficult to even consider the possibility that they are a fake.

“Mm, you’re my first customer, so in appreciation of your patronage, I'll give you a discount if you buy Aether and Paimon a meal. Fair trade, don't you think?”

What fair trade? A simple meal in exchange for a vision? Do you not realize that visions are extraordinarily rare, and that the vast majority of people would give anything — including their lives — to receive one?

Of course you're aware of it; you're just messing with them for the sake of witnessing their reactions. It's likely that protecting Teyvat for thousands of years has had an effect on you, as seen by the fact that you're even doing this for no other reason than boredom.

Kaeya remained motionless in his stance; his eyes riveted on the bright visions that had no owner. After snapping out of his trance, he took off his cloak and wrapped it around you in a tender manner.

You made a sound that indicated that you were confused as he said, "Let's continue this conversation to our headquarters."

"Tch, I really need to bring Crepus back to life so that he can scold his children to death."

"Are you going to use fried eggs for that man too?" Paimon inquired, which caused Kaeya's surprise and horror to reach an even higher level.

Too? Does that mean that this wouldn't be your first time bringing someone back to life?

Now, Kaeya is positive that he wishes he could just pass out right there and then.

TAGLIST: @valeriele3 @lunarapple @meikoo

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[calciumdeficientt]

i created the template for NPC quotes and i never posted lenora’s… whoops. anyway here they are now. i have also learned that there are SO MANY different kinds of quotes so i am going to try and make this post as accessible as humanly possible but it is going to be LOOOOOOOOOOOONG

LENORA HARKER QUOTES

ALLY QUOTES

** AGREE TO ASSIST**

Sure, I can keep an eye on you Jim

Don’t worry, Lenora’s got you for sure

**ALLY- ABOUT TO LEAVE**

I can’t take any more of this, I’m audi!

Fight your own battles J-dog, I’m done

**ALLY- HELP ME!**

Hey, give me a hand!

I need some help! Fight hard!

BIKE QUOTES

**BIKE CRASH**

Aw… dang it I really thought I was getting the hang of this

Man… I hope the ladies turned away

**BIKE TRICK- SUCCESSFUL**

Hm, not terrible… now try doing that in the ocean

Radical trick! Just… not in front of the girls. I’m really getting somewhere with them

**BIKE STOLEN**

Hey what gives! That nerd I stole it from might’ve wanted it back!

Aw crap, too high to drive, bike got stolen… this is the pits

**BIKE TRICK- FAILED**

HAHAHAHAAH WIPEOUT

You should go get some training wheels or something, I’m worried about you

BOISTEROUS

HAHAAHHAA WOOOOHOOO

The Bolt from Bullworth strikes like lightning, yeah!

BUMPED QUOTES

**BUMPED- PREP**

Hey, watch it trust fund!

**BUMPED- GREASER**

Usually I’d be mad, but you just slid right off me!

**BUMPED- NERD**

Ewwwuh watch where you put those freaky little rat claws, you can get jail time for stuff like that

**BUMPED- BULLY**

The folks you meet in prison won’t be this kind to you, freak

**BUMPED- TOWNIE**

Can you even be out here? What’s the radius on that ankle monitor

**BUMPED- JIMMY- FRIENDLY**

Ope- I was lookin’ but I wasn’t seein’ my bad!

Sorry little man, I’ll be more careful next time

You go first, all my fault

**BUMPED- JIMMY- ENEMIES**

Ugh! Watch it, dork

Next time, I pound you

Open your eyes when you walk, Jimmy

Listen here, pipsqueak. Munchinland is back the way you came

Stay outta my way Hopkins.

Stay the HELL in your lane, don’t cross me.

SAYING BYE

Got track practice… gotta run

This was fun, see ya!

Hmm yeah i’m leaving now… no dumb excuse, just the vibe I’m getting

CARNIVAL

**FREAKSHOW**

If I’d stayed in California I’d probably be in one of those tents

I wonder if either of those girls are single… hell, I’m not above trying both!

**RIDE**

That ride was pretty okay… I guess

Aw man that ride was so rickety! It would’ve been so awesome if it crashed

CHATTER

How much booze is too much to bring to a party? They never have enough!

I kissed Gord at a party a few weeks ago… Its totally not my fault.. He smells like a lady

Man that fall off the gym roof really hurt.. I wish I knew when enough was enough… I’ll get there

If you think about it sound is like… waves. So when you’re listening to something it’s like you’re surfing!

I let a townie pierce my bellybutton… I think it might be infected

Everyone’s so agitated all the time. It can’t be good for us

My Polish teacher is all up in my grill about my assignments… like I dont have enough homework already.. I mean I already speak it! Who cares if I can’t write it down

Those prefects are always coming at me about my uniform! I didn’t like, ask to be tall!

CHASE QUOTES

**CHASING**

Get back here pipsqueak!

I’ll turn you inside you you little twerp!

**OUT OF BREATH**

Man… need to… focus on long distance

Maybe… I overestimated how fast I can run

**ESCAPED FROM**

Yeah and keep running!

Enjoy your head start, pipsqueak

CALLING FOR HELP

Hey, come check this out!

Dudes, come look at this!

CONVERSING

I don’t know why everyone’s so bothered about global warming… I’d kill for it to be summer forever

Aw man I remember my first wedgie, I never did see that kid again

Dan and Thad look so similar… I hope I don’t slip up again

I am so sure… yknow he threatened to make me run in my underwear the other day because my shorts were too long.. It was soo totally bogus

I saw Ted and that weird rich kid Justin making out under the bleachers yesterday… Mandy is going to be sooo crushed… Someone better go tell her

COMPLAINING

I like, don’t know how much more I can take! I mean he’s totally messing with my vibe

CONGRATULATING

Yeah right on man, you rule!”l

Total masterclass baby, woo!

CONFUSED

Oh yeah totally I- wait wha?

CONVERSING

**CONV- CONTINUING**

Uh huh- go on..

Yeah, so?

**CONV GOSSIP**

Did you hear all the stuff that Gary kid was saying about Jimmy? It’s total nonsense but… I could be persuaded

I heard that Hopkins put Russell in the hospital!

There’s some crazy stuff going around that Jimmy is actually a spy. I don’t buy it

Apparently his mom isn’t actually his mom

Did you hear that Hopkins has been to jail like three times?

Well I heard that he never buys his own clothes, he just takes them off of people he fights!

I heard Derby Harrington is secretly a vampire! Maybe that’s why he’s so pale and ugly

Did you know that Ricky’s been to see nurse McRae three times this week? If he wants pills he should just come to me

Apparently Earnest never drinks water, maybe that’s why his skin is like that

Dan thinks he’s gonna get to actually be on the team next year, I think Burton only told him that so he didn’t run back to the nerds

That Constantinos kid has been avoiding me. Apparently he doesn’t even work for the yearbook, he just likes taking creep shots of everyone

I hooked up with this really dope chick last week… but Kirby told me her boobs are totally fake! Like, I think I know more about boobs than you do, buddy

**CONV/ GOSSIP RESPONSE**

Seriously?! No way dude

That’s, like, next level bonkers!

Holy macaroni!

Damn!!!! There’s NO universe that’s true

**CONV/NEGATIVE PREMISE**

Miss Peabody’s doing random spot checks of the dorms… I’m so totally screwed

Sometimes I wonder if I even wanna run anymore

I’m starting to think maybe girls don’t actually dig me!

The guys don’t really care about me… I’ll never live up to their expectations

The whole clique’s gonna fall apart when Ted leaves for college… man I need to make new friends

**CONV/NEGATIVE RESPONSE**

Yeah right, like that’s anything to cry over

Try being me for a day and see if that still bothers you

Too bad, that’s Bullworth, kiddo

Cmon man that’s nothin’ get over yourself

**CONV/ NEGATIVE STATEMENT**

It’s like… no one cares about what’s going on at home!

I was never meant to be a jock. I’m just a nerd in denial!

Girls hate me, guys see me as a joke. Real sweet life

Times have really changed, we are SO the bottom of the food chain now

**CONVERSING/PARTING**

Catch you later dude

Hang loose bro

See you ‘round man

**CONVERSING/ POSITIVE PREMISE**

You coming to the meet on Friday? I’m set to get another medal

Having inter-clique friendships is pretty cool

I like to think the guys have accepted me as one of them

People always invite me to parties, it’s pretty rad

**CONVERSING/POSITIVE RESPONSE**

Oh yeah? that’s dope

Right on! Totally awesome!

I’m pickin’ up what you’re puttin’ down

**CONVERSING/QUESTIONS**

Hey, ever parked and not paid?

You ever wonder if concrete has feelings?

Have you ever caught a big wave?

Ever put your arms up on a ride even when they tell you not to? You have haven’t you!

**CONVERSING/QUESTION RESPONSE**

That’s a rad way of putting it.. man I feel stupid

Totally, I should do that more

Yeah… well I mean, I’ve thought about it, like… a LOT

Whaat? Nooo. You need to open your mind more man.

Do you think before you speak or do you just say it. of course not

No,that’s for losers

DEFEAT

**DEFEAT- INDIVIDUAL**

So this is what losing feels like… gross

How but- I- but..

Oh man… I should go pawn my medals

**DEFEAT - TEAM**

Who even ARE we?!

Okay seriously, what gives you guys?

They so totally cheated!

DISGUSTED

Oh my god…. I think I’m gonna hurl

DONT HIT

Ouch! I’m not the person you’re supposed to hit

Hey I’m your buddy, don’t hit me dude!

EGGED

Aw man, and this shirt was SO CLEAN!

FIGHTING

**FIGHTING**

Oh it’s SO over!

I’m gonna knock your ass over to the West coast!

Come here and take it!

Oh the gloves are OFF

**KO**

Hhhhgh… nuuuuurse

Hey… I liked those teeth

I just hope… there were ladies watching

I’ll… be back for you later

Dude… everything’s spinning

**FIGHTING TOWNIE**

I’m going to KEEP you on welfare!

**FIGHTING GREASER**

Come on and try it Ponyboy

**INITIATING FIGHT**

Which hospital do you wanna get sent to?

No one steps to Harker

Consider this karma, jackass

GET OVER HERE

**FIGHTING NERD**

The force can’t save you now!

**FIGHTING PREP**

Get your surgeon on the phone!

**LOW BLOW**

Ow! I’m not even a dude and that was still so… emasculating

**SPAT ON**

Euuugh… brush your teeth dude

**WATCHING FIGHT**

Grapple! GRAPPLE!

Cmon man do something illegal, we aren’t cops!

CURB-STOMP HIM! YEAH!

**WARNING TO FIGHT**

Violence makes violence

This is NOT something you wanna get into

FIRE ALARM

Every time I get my hopes up that it’s a real fire… and every time its just some loser messing with the alarm

FLUSTERED

I- eheheh

Totally! So like… what’s going on?

Hey, we can work this out right?

FOOD FIGHT

Dude! Stop throwing that! It’s all that I can eat!

I heard banana is good for your hair… I wonder if it’s good at high speeds

GIFT

**GIFT RECEIVED**

Sweet! The first of many, Hopkins

Same time tomorrow Jimmy?

**REQUESTING BRIBE**

My dealer wants cash… cough up

You’ve got something in there to keep me from swinging, don’t you?

You’re in with all those preps… you’ve got something to keep me away from you, surely

**REQUESTING PAYMENT FOR HELP**

Sure, I can back you up. But you gotta pay up front

I can be mean if you gimme some green, Jimmy!

**BRIBE RECEIVED**

I knew you had a good brain in that noggin, Hopkins

Right on, you’re a good dude

I’ll be back soon as this runs dry

GIFT

Here, I got you a little something

GREETING

**GREETING**

Dude, hey!

Good to see you man

Hey you

**GREET-MALE AUTHORITY**

Hey sir

**GREET- FEM AUTHORITY**

Sup uhh… ma’am

**GREETING- LIKES CLOTHING**

Fresh threads? You’re looking better than ever

**GREETING A GIRL**

Hey mama, you into arts and crafts? I’m real good with scissors

**GREETING- LIKES HAT**

Sweet hat… I need it get me one of those

**GREETING- LIKES SHOES**

Radical shoes, man. Lookin’ swish

**GREETING- LIKES SHIRT**

Rockin shirt dude!

**GREETING- LIKES PANTS**

Those are some kickass pants

**GREETING- LIKES HAIR**

Gnarly haircut

Sweet mane dude, radical

Now that’s hair that’ll get you a scholarship!

**GREETING-LIKES TATTOO**

Sweet ink, I was thinking of getting something like that

Hey I know that style, we get our tats at the same place!

GROOMING

Oh Lenora Lenora Lenora you are such a stud.. man if I were a pretty girl I’d TOTALLY date you myself

Man my hair’s gettin’ pretty long… makes me miss home

HELP

**EXPLAINING REQUEST**

It’s as simple as this

Listen dude, all you need to do is…

**REQUESTING HELP**

Heyyy, just the dude I’m lookin’ for

I’m totally getting the vibe you wanna help me right now

INDIGNANT

Enough! I’m minding my business!

Ow! Un-called for

‘Hey! What’s your damage man!

INTIMIDATED GREETING

“Heyyyyyyy… uhhh bro

JEERING

Lame-o!

Poser!

Wimp!

JIMMY IN GIRLS DORM

Nice, man. Get some. Oh wait- I mean noooo you cant be in here dude

LAUGHING

**LAUGHING- CRUEL**

hah hah hah… aaaah that was SOO LAAME

**LAUGHING - FRIENDLY**

hahahaha dude, no more seriously! I’m cryin’ hehe

PAYBACK

Uuuuugh the next time I see him I’m gonna make him swallow his own intestines!

RAT THROWN

Mr whiskers! I thought Dr Slawter dissected you!

RESPONSE TO GREETING

**RESPONSE TO GREETING- DISS**

I am NOT talking to you until you…. fix whatever’s going on with your energy

Hey back OFF, I am not your friend, and I’m friends with everyone so… you’re kinda a douche

**RESPONSE TO GREETING- FRIENDLY**

Jimbo! What’s goin on little dude

Hey Jim, how’s it hangin?

Hopkins is innnnnn the building! And lookin fly

SCARED

Come on you don’t wanna hit a girl, right? RIGHT?!?!

Jimmy come on man, we’re tight!

I- that was.. I didn’t know what I was sayin man I was fried!

Please dont hit me.. I have a meet this weekend

SEEING

**SEES ALLY ATTACKED**

Hang tight little bro I’m comin for ya

Hey! Keep your hands to yourself!

**SEES SOMETHING COOL**

YOOOOOO Wicked!

WOOOAAAAH BITCHIN’

**SEES SOMETHING CRAPPY**

Man what a hunk of junk, it so lame I don’t even wanna think about it

I really had high hopes for that…. such a shame it was a pile of bullcrap

**SEEING VANDALISM**

What?! No dont touch that it’s my favourite thing!

Damn it damn it! So bogus, I loved that

**SEEING WEAPON FIRED**

Oh man that looks dangerous…. do it again

Wooohoooo! HEADS!!!

STINKBOMB

Euuugh smells like the gym after wresting practice

Ewww it’s like the visiting room in jail

STORE- BROWSING CLOTHING

No girl could resist me in these, it’d be a crime not to get em

Oof… how many people thought this was okay to sell?

SUCKING UP

Listen… I know a LOT of cheerleaders, Jim

We’re buddies Jimmy, aren’t we? ARENT WE?!

You’re a cool guy Hopkins… you respect women. I’m down with that.

TAG DISCOVERED

If you’re gonna ruin the architecture… at least spell the insult right

TATTLING

I’m very anti authority but this is like… serious

A little birdie told me that you were looking for..

TAUNTING

**TAUNTING**

Come over and do something!

Yeah right, loser!

Come at me, bro

Go ahead, make my day

LEEEEEEEEWZER

Little bitch!

Jergoff!

**TAUNTING- AGGRESSIVE**

I’m gonna break you down!

Open wide, I wanna play dentist!

Get ready the beating of a lifetime!

You shoulda read up on caskets!

**TAUNTING- BACKING DOWN**

Bad trip, my b, my b

Lesson learned, It’s cool

Okay kiddo, okay, I get it

**TAUNTING- HUMILIATING**

This is kinda sad… at least fight back dude

Yeeeeah that’ll teach you

You’re my bitch now, ya dig?

Come onnnnnn you know you wanted this

**TAUNTING- NEW KID**

Hey young blood, lemme welcome you the Bullworth way

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES CLOTHING**

You smell like a prep…gross

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES HAIRCUT**

Hey who cut your hair? that hobo?

Oh my god, were you awake in the salon? I hope not

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES HAT**

That hat is… brave

**TAUNTING- JIMMY IS EXPELLED**

I always knew there was something crooked about you, Hopkins.

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES PANTS**

Did you pay for those pants or did you find them on a corpse?

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES SHIRT**

How much did you pay for that shirt? whatever it was it was too much

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES SHOES**

Those shoes are… wow okay

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES TATTOO**

You let a blind guy with parkinson’s tattoo you

All that time in the chair and you couldn’t ask for something a little cooler?

**TAUNTING- LIKES CLOTHES**

Those are some gnarly threads, shame they’re on a dork

**TAUNTING RESPONSE- CRYING**

I just- I (SOBBING) I have a lot of dreams… and most of them are about women (MORE SOBBING)

**TAUNTING RESPONSE- DOESNT CARE**

Oh… you were talking to me?

I wonder if that townie girl is busy right now

Is this supposed to be threatening?

Man, I need a toke

**TAUNTING RESPONSE- AGGRESSIVE**

You got something to say, huh? HUH?

Stand by it, loser, say that again!

I’ve been itching for a chance to fix that bogus attitude

Come over here and do something about it!

Step up man. STEP UP.

Your ass is grass, Hopkins and NOT the fun kind

**TAUNT RESPONSE- BACKING DOWN**

I buh- I-I was just playing around

Man cmon man knock it off

I can dish it but i can’t take it, okay! I’m a wimp!

THIS WAY

Jimbo! This way man!

Did you hit your head or something? It’s this way!

THANKS JIMMY

You’re a good dude, thanks J.

SWIRLY

**AFTER BEING SWIRLED**

Aw man… worst wave of my life

You could’ve done this in the girls bathroom…. they’re so much (SOB) CLEANER

Total party foul…. not cool

**BEGGING NOT TO BE SWIRLIED**

Noooo cmon cmon this isn’t good for either of us!

THIS PIERCING IS NEW PLEASE DONT

The guys’ll leave you alone! I swear! Please don’t do this!

TRASH TALKING

**TRASH TALKING-PERSONAL**

Heyyyy lighten up, it’s character building!

I’ll send some flowers over for your casket

Cmon loser, it’s like a workout!

**TRASH TALKING- TEAM**

We’re jocks for a reason! Go home now!

I feel kinda bad for you guys.. comin’ in knowin’ you’re gonna like, lose

It’s cool we’re giving a chance to a less fortunate team.

THANK YOU

Yooooo, thank you!

VICTORY

**VICTORY- INDIVIDUAL**

That’s how it’s DONE! Check it!

Another one bites the dust.

Ain’t nothin’ new here, ladies.

**VICTORY- TEAM**

Hell yeah, RAIN DOWN THE PAIN

THATS MY BOYS. RIGHT ON

I’ve yet to meet an underdog we couldn’t smash

VICTIMISING

**VICTIMISED**

Oh please no! I’m so scared of you… hahah yeah right

Ohh…Get a life dude… such a buzzkill

**VICTIMISING**

hahahaha right on… I love playing rough!

You’re so funny! Do that scream thing again

If you struggle enough I might feel sorry for you…. probably not

WAIT FOR ME

Hopkins, wait up!

Slow down a little, I’m stiff!

WHINE

This is like… literally like… like… like the worst day ever!

WHAT IS THAT

Heyyyy that looks like… hang on, what is that?

TV TURNED OFF

No it’s fine whatever. Not like I was, like watching it. or anything

[marcussour]

Random C3E113 bits and thoughts

The magic of editing on Sam's ad

"Silver Saddles"

Lionel being -possibly- a duck that was true polymorphed by Scanlan will never stop being funny

GOD DAMN THE COCONUTS ALA MONTY PYTHON FOR THE CENTAURS SOUND

Oh no, Percy and Vex conversation with Keyleth really got me

Old man Trinket!

"She's fenomenal at letting go"

Of course there's been conversations about Vex keeping Percy in the locket so he doesn't die of old age. The couple of all time those 2.

They remembered Junie and Wax! (Wax, damn it, I mean, if you have to find a way to shorten Wildhand'ildan)

Meat Man: Imports and Sexports

Cerkonos being Scanlan's biggest fan will never stop being funny. Bless Robbie for the way he took over the character and gave it a personality.

MAN, INCREDIBLE DICE ROLL. HAD IT BEEN CHETNEY, HE WOULD'VE DIED. THANKFULLY IT WAS GROG.

Of course Percy didn't wanted to leave Whitestone undefended, and also, had his doubts about sending troops with guns to fight

J'MON SA ORD MY BELOVED!

So the troops are arriving to the Malleus key basically in "Avengers: Endgame" final battle way.

FUCK YEAH, LIAM'S BACK AS LIEVE'TEL

I was waiting so much for the moment that Vex would break the news of Bertrand's death to Lieve'tel

I love how all these chucklefucks still behave as always among themselves, and then had to put their more regal faces when talking with Bells Hells or the rest of the world. And I know it's because there's a difference from them being player characters to Matt playing them as NPCs. Don't know if it was planned or not, but it certainly works.

"can you make the noise?"

Celestials!

FUCK SHIT UP

Man I hope we'll see one day this scene of the gathering of forces animated -and that they have enough budget to pull it through, cause there's a lot of characters here-.

Trinket <3

Amazing that Sam still has the old giant tankard

Look at you Essek (also, hilarious that Vox Machina has no clue who he is, even under disguise as Seth)

And Essek's brother is here too, aka, HOT BOY N°2

"I write poetry"; "That's fine"

"Keyleth, can you sign my tits?"

Oh the goodberries

XANDIS!!! I love that he now has to stuck around Vox Machina

Oh Lieve'tel, the silver bell was a memento from Bertrand

Don't remember where I read it, but it's amazing how Grog takes over Travis whenever he's playing it, a sight to behold

Oh how I've missed Scanlan's songs

Oh that map with all the minis is awesome. At this point it's gonna end up looking like a Warhammer map with all the minis.

Matt's gotta have a full box of minis just for Keyleth's transformations

Also, love the new Vox Machina minis

"There's some horse in this house"

The Krin Dinasty troops fighting remindes me of the elves at the beginning of The Fellowship of the Ring

NO MERCY PERCY!! Of course his first attack is a NAT 20, and also, of course his walking cane is a sword that's also a gun

That was the most Grog thing that could've happened

"3 headed white raven as a planar ally", Lieve'tel's not playing around

Nothing more on brand for Kiki than accidentally burning the Krin soldiers next to the Vanguard ones. But hey, fog of war

OPAL HAS ENTERED THE CHAT!

I wish Aimee had been there, but they might've need a bigger table for 10 people

Devo'ssa's new mini is so pretty

Grog's so OP that he made quick work of the vidulch almost as if was nothing. Gotta love high level barbarians.

Well, that was a great episode. I'm so glad to have Vox Machina back, at least for a couple of episodes.

[blackstarchanx3new]

Creations AU FNAF 4, But I obnoxiously over explain it 2

Pages 30-59

The sad story of Cody and his miserable life.

I know for a fact some of these pages were lined don't remember if they colored any by @akdrawsandwrites thanks AK. ^w^

More NPC dialogue.

In FNAF 4 game: There's an oddity with the NPC with a green shirt and brown hair, he has a STRIKING appearance to one of the "bullies" older brother's friends. But the one in the green shirt in the game has blonde hair. Idk if they're meant to be the same character and the sprite was just bonked up or what. FNAF color pallets being consistent is NOT something this series is known for lmfao.

I made these two characters brothers and modified his dialogue to suit that he knows Cody by "Josh's brother". Either way this character should know this kid's name lmfao.

The party coming up is apparently Cody's. The last NPC is debated to be the character "Susie" from the games....I color picked and this girl looks black to me. (Susie is white with styled blonde hair) Like they both have bows and wear pink so MAYBE it was meant to be her but idk. This was the design I went with. Retconning design and inconsistent colors in FNAF again: Is not new.

Susie is used as a character in another place in Creations anyway and it wouldn't line up timeline wise. (This makes an animatic with her as the Chica we meet in Mike's story outdated and incorrect but there's LOTS of ideas in the animatics that were abandoned going over all of them would take hours lmfao.)

Exposure therapy, I say as a joke.

You might have noticed an itty bitty detail of Josh getting set off every time Cody starts shouting. Bro does not handle that shit well.

Yeet the child again, damn it Josh you gotta kick that habit.

Josh's main response to dealing with Cody: Lock him somewhere where he doesn't have to deal wit him.

Oh dear. This looks familiar.

Creations readers and FNAF players alike know where this shit is going.

HI MIKE! ❤️ Yes that's Mike without his dyed hair lol.

Reasonably avoiding confrontation but uh, to the determent of others oof.

Dude proceeds to never stop throwing himself in danger later so I guess he decided to slam to the other side of the two extremes lmao.

HAH.

Well that explains Cody's creepy ass stalker crush on Mike.

He didn't really SPECIFY he recognized Mike verbally when talking to him in the main comic but here we get conformation he for sure did.

Again Cody/Golden Freddy doesn't consider himself a 1 to 1 with the original Cody. Rather just a robot with the kid's memories/soul.

They don't feel like his memories.

Lol. Cody and his Para-social relationship with Mike Schmidt.

We can tell this genuinely amuses him as his eyes aren't red.

Hah he says something to the same affect in thee FNAF 1 Arc...with a lot more body horror involved.

"It was just a prank bro"

Daddy's gonna make it all better.

Cody stop that. We've talked about how the faces you make are unsightly.

Also Puppet. She's here.

People didn't really GET Cody's reality bending abilities: So he explains it pretty plainly here.

He's powerful as hell. X'D

Basically the most OP character in Creations much like the cannon Golden Freddy.

So I'll give ya some writing advice: If you're gonna make an OP character, just make them lazy as fuck.

Easiest way to nerf them: Make them just not care about fighting. X'D

Cody's got a mixture of laziness, apathy and fear of daddy to keep him from being helpful much in the plot.

Because if he wasn't he'd clap Afton in 2 seconds and that'd be no fun. So he's a coward lmao.

He was gonna snap that bitches neck while he slept. And not a single one of us would have blamed him. UwU

Casually hides in his brother's closet XDDD

Also I pointed it out before but Josh's room is Michael's room in main story.

Cody's cowardess is on full display: He bent to NOT killing Josh when he realized how badly Josh was coping with his brother's death.

Just like his daddy!~

Jokes aside this is my fave page in FNAF 4. It was lined by AK. I drew the sketch

I like, never draw the nightmares but the ended up so good here. Props to Ak for translating the sketches real well.

This is another instance of what I mean when I say there's no real good "Starting" place for the Creations AU.

This is smth that happens in Sister Location, but I feel Josh's character is more interesting with this context.

Buuuut this scene makes no sense. Aaaaand FNAF 4 shows more chronological events.

Agh.

Honestly whenever I get around to doing "Spring Bonnie's friends" I'd argue that is the best place to start chronologically but we'll see.

Anyway Cody saving his dumbass brother is so funny to me.

It's also really sad to think that he saved Josh because he knew how much Josh HATED the idea of dying in a springlock suit. Cody shows empathy quite often, especially towards Mike but this extends to helping Josh too.

His little "Now who's the cry baby?" is just the icing on the cake. XD

So Josh IS dead...?

Kind of?

His "remnant" is just kinda all over the place.

Will pick up in part 3 since PAGE LIMITS.

[aurorialwolf]

IM AWAKE!! Time for my live reaction to the new Elliott audio :3 below the cut

Man the animation for this years hbs is so cool (also i love the music)

nice ambience as usual

when the first guy started talking for a sec i thought it was elliotts voice slightly modified lmao

reminds me of a skyrim npc voice

dang this would be so cool to have as a dream

fancy man?? its our boy???

YAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAY ITS ELLIOTTT!!! ive missed him so much

hes so cuteeee

ooooh his fantasy name is so cool

family drama omg

backstorybackstorybackstory

not most of anything :(? awhh

man its so funny watching him make things happen to himself in the dream intentionally lol

jdfhgkjshgjksg realism lmao

sunshine keeps breaking character lollll

a night of rest my ass

'roads dangerous :(' yeah right bucko

hsjks his dream puns omg

well im glad hes not making us experience the realism of crap lol

:O they drew the stuff for it?? thats so cooolllll omg hell yeah i would love having a dreamwalker partner make my drawings come to life dang

ope smooching time i guess

welp thats the end of this post lol cuz it gets erm,, intimate beyond that point

im so happy our boi is back!! even if he might be gone again for multiple months :(( i missed him sm

this does give me more questions about dreamwalking to some extent so maybe ill be inspired to make more posts

[meatcrimes]

i’m mad about something that’s pointless to say in the original thread so i’m posting it here

i know people are cautious about unvetted fundraisers and that’s why people will reverse image search while it’s being vetted to see if the photos are stolen since that’s a known thing scammers do. but i fucking saw an “important addition” to a now-vetted gfm where someone in the tags said “all photos except the last one are original according to reverse image search”. person who said that was merely stating facts and clearly was trying to persuade the readers that it was a real fundraiser. Someone with less pure intent screenshot the tags and said “if you’re not comfortable sharing or donating to non vetted campaigns, you can donate to organizations or buy esims” which to me very much sounded like implication that the campaign might not be real because one (1!) of the 10+ photos wasn’t op’s own

The last picture of the post in question? It was of her destroyed school. The rubble is miles away from where she is taking refuge, and it would be incredibly impractical, unsafe, retraumatizing, and a waste of time/energy to go back to photograph it herself, so she did the horrible egregious sin (/s) of using a photo from a news article reporting on the bombing.

The tagger was obviously trying to emphasize her reliability and the likelihood that it was a real campaign. But some self righteous dolt took their words, wrapped it in a layer of white anxiety, and ran with it.

If your school or alma mater was bombed and you had to rely on strangers to flee a war zone, i fucking bet you’d use the wikipedia photo of your school, or the photo on the front page of its website, or maybe an instagram picture from 3+ years ago, as the before. and you’d certainly use a journalist’s photo for the after. Because it’s common sense that you wouldn’t take unnecessary risks when your life is already in danger every moment of the day. So why the hell is it so difficult to apply that same logic to Palestinians? Is it because you can’t apply human rationality and cognition to people you see as subhuman? Is it because you don’t understand that other people aren’t NPCs?

Less than a week later it was vetted.

[becauseplot]

finished ep 12 of osnf. much sleepy. oughh.

Okay not nearly as many thoughts as last time (I blame the fact that I stayed up late then woke up early to watch this episode, am eepy) but I still got a few!

Alright first of all was Cellbit TRYING to kill them with that encounter at the beginning. SIR. WHAT WAS THAT. He really threw everything at them, the creatures just kept coming and coming. For a while I thought that he was trying to set up for some dramatic entrance where another character (a new NPC maybe) would run in to join the fray and help them out because there were just SO MANY OF THOSE FUCKERS WHAT THE HELL.

Poor Ceasar being scooby-doo chased around the field by the mist trying to shoot the creatures away from his friends while repeatedly getting punched in the back of his head. Joui fighting for his life (literally) trying to get that stupid ass murderdog off of him that wouldn’t let up—even when IT WAS CUT IN HALF, IN HALF—and nearly dying to it (thank god Calango remembered the armor stats hhhhh). And the crazy contrast between Bagi(Liz) rolling several extremes while Rakin(Thiago) rolls nothing but fails because he was trapped and to escape he needed a strength test and his strength stat is s h i t.

But MAN that 2 on strength he rolled trying to save Joui. Thiago struggled the whole fight to free himself from the snake-thing but the moment he saw Joui about to die, he was able to find it in himself to rip that monster off of Joui. Not even joking, I was so relieved. I don't know what I would have done if Joui died. Cried probably. Cried a lot. Joui spent that whole fight yelling at his friends to just run, just get out of there, because he would rather die than watch his friends die again, and so soon after the Nightmare... Hhough Jouiiiii ;-; Wrapping him up in a blanket you're so good sweetheart, you're so good, your friends care about you so much, I know you can't stand to see them hurt but they don't want to see you hurt either.

Anyway uh. The Jeniffer cow lived* but Murilo/the Collector did not, rest in peace my dude. And all evidence suggests the Gatekeeper as the culprit in the murders. And Joui (Luba!!) pointing out how the Gatekeeper told them it was okay to use fire! Man that was a GOOD catch.

But... How did the Gatekeeper know that Thiago wouldn't light up immediately? Bc if he did then the mist would've descended and he would have to figure out how to sneak away during the fight to kill the Helper. And it seems kinda awkward for the group to immediately encounter the mist before even getting to know the town. In any case I'm glad Thiago didn't try to smoke right away, for those story-reasons.

*Side note: real fucking funny how Cellbit said he and Guaxi talked off-stream to discuss how Arthur would react to certain things so that Cellbit's NPC-ing of Arthur for this episode would be accurate, and Arthur proceeded to spend the whole episode fretting over the fucking cow. Like his friends come stumbling out of the woods, two of nearly dead, the other two not much better off (well Thiago was fine bc of his op shield lol), and he's more concerned about the cow. I know that was probably just to set up for him staying with the cow for most of the episode so that he could take a background role but that's so fucking funny. Arthur is just kneeling by the cow "🥺 oh Jennifer....." And of course Joui, angel that he is, puts a hand on Arthur's shoulder and reassures him that they'll find help for Jennifer while he himself is like. Actively bleeding out. 10/10 rp I'm so happy to know that this is character-accurate for Arthur lmfao.

Or perhaps Joui/Luba's theory about what the Gatekeeper told them about fire is wrong, and this is just a coincidence. iirc, the Gatekeeper never told them that it was okay to use fire, he just said it was okay to smoke. Then again, it's apparently his job to tell the new Ignaros not to use fire, period, so the fact that he didn't bring that up is suspicious. Maybe he was trying to be subtle about it, as part of an alibi? If he told them outright that fire was okay, that would put him under suspicion, but if he skirted around the details, or just failed to mention, well...that's also suspect, but it's safer, a detail that's more malleable if he has to defend himself from accusation.

That is to say, if this really is all the Gatekeeper's doing. Someone could be setting him up. If he was really trying to get away with several murders, then why leave the front door to his tower open? Why not destroy the bloody clothes, or bury them out in the woods or something? Liz pointed out the fact that no body in Santo Berco suspects each other, as they all trust each other, but come on man, it's murder 101, you destroy the evidence. Idk he might just be a real shitty murderer. Besides, what motive could he have? I guess that'll be explained, if he really is the murderer. And where did he go? It doesn't seem like he left willingly—not being around to ring the bell would attract a lot of attention to himself, and the door was wide open—or maybe he was in a rush? Questions, questions.

Poor Blacksmith. Things aren't looking too good for you, my man.

In any case, the real Door Final Boss is coming up. Thiago and Ceasar, hope your kicking legs are ready. (Tbh I completely forgot about that little black card thing, thank god Liz/Bagi didn't lmao. Such an inconspicuous little thing to carry so much plot significance...)

[myreia]

How does Aureia feel about Nero?

Oh, Nero irritates the hell out of her.

She never met him when she was in Garlemald (why would she? He was too far up in the hierarchy and her special ops unit was pretty isolated since they were an experiment/test run). But she certainly heard of him, knew exactly who he was, and saw him from afar during ceremonial parades and such.

Meeting him in person was… lacklustre. She went into the Praetorium expecting to meet the full force of a tribunus head-on and then he was… disappointing. It’s not that she wanted to be disappointed, it works for her that he was a pushover, but it was bit like a balloon deflating. Not popping. Just going flblflbflblfblfblfb.

It also changed her perspective on the tribunuses and legatuses, since up until that moment she saw them as something to be feared and then… hm. Her perspective on the hierarchy broke a bit. Her mother—much, much further down the hierarchy than Nero ever was—is way more terrifying to her than a rogue tribunus.

The fact that he sticks around and keeps showing up makes him a very irritating thorn in her side. If she’s in a particularly tetchy mood when he’s around, she won’t address him directly but will instead talk circles around him as if he isn’t there. They eventually end up in a place where they just trash talk each other if they happen to be in the same space.

Aureia coming up with increasingly ridiculous versions of Garlean titles and addresses started with Nero, but she would eventually apply the same thing to Emet-Selch and double-down on it.

[ask me my OC's opinions on NPCs!]

[wardenbeag]

Love when rando npcs r like Warden u are op as hell. Respect

[kidnickgames]

KID NICK UPDATE I have recently been pretty silent about my games, both new and existing, even though my life has been substantially less busy over the last few months. I feel like I've been neglecting being "in the TTRPG community" to the small extent I already was, but I'm also happier and saner than I was when I was regularly checking in and occasionally commenting on TTRPG Twitter. Which is a trade-off I'll make any day!

NEW GAMES

I know it's an internet creator cliche, but I have several WIPs that I'm really excited about, and they're all at different levels of completion. It's Time is a GM-led dungeon crawl through an infinitely tall tower. It's my first game that really feels like it's about something and it's designed to make you feel certain ways and it's basically done save for some actual dungeon content. That'll probably stay as a digital-only game but should release soon! Card Hearts is a GM-led card-batting TTRPG set in a world where all conflict is resolved through trading card game battles. Players use playing card decks with cards that awaken into powerful unique trading cards at moments of tension and desperation. I've designed the card battling game, all ~200 cards for it, and have a framework of the rules, but I want this game to have stellar art and it's going to require a lot of it. Expect an artless "demo" version of this sometime in the next few months, maybe? It's the project I'm most excited about but it's daunting.

You Teach Me is a GM-less game for 2 players exploring the power dynamics and odd friendship of a trademark-agnostic master tamer and their battling monster. One player is the tamer, a human who issues battle commands to their best friend. The other player is the intelligent but speechless monster, who does the battling and receives that injuries but isn't the one who calls the shots. I have the framework for this one but need to fill it in- it'll incorporate some co-op strategy, as well. I'd like to have a physical release of this. Finally, while I do have other TTRPG projects that with some level of development behind them, I'm also working on a video game with a friend. It's in super early stages, but it is taking up a big chunk of my time. More on that to come, hopefully? EXISTING GAMES Did you know I put out a new game earlier this year? Probably not, because I put it out under a pen name for brand and vulnerability reasons. Well, to hell with that; please go check out Tabletop Foreplaying Game! Hometown Holiday and The NPC Phonebook are both available as physical zines through Indie Press Revolution! If you're going to Gen Con (like me! I'll be there!), you can go to the IPR booth and buy Hometown Holiday in person! And finally, all my games are available digitally, including the tumblr post-inspired, played-in-Smash-Bros TTRPG smallroom shorttimer bigquestions ultimate and the free Gawrsh Quest! Fun fact about Gawrsh Quest- I met Bill Farmer, voice of Goofy, at Gen Con last year and told him I made a horror game where everyone is a different version of Goofy. He seemed legitimately delighted to hear about it! STREAMING

Idk I miss streaming but my internet has just gotten worse and worse and it just hasn't been sustainable. Maybe one day soon I'll try again.

Thanks for reading this life and project update! Do me a favor and hold me to this- let me know if any of these projects excite you!

[hydroflex123]

the story of how a parking ticket led to my DnD party destroying a city

I need to tell someone this story

so we are playing a escape from hell campaign and my players are currently on the the sixed layer of hell called Malbolge.

the PCs where a aarakocra barbarian, a goliath fighter, a owlin ranger/artificer and a bearfolk barbarian

they had recently stolen a devilish airship with a crew of prisoners and had visited a large city of mostly cultists. They had landed there airship outside the city walls and when they returned they saw a devil flying away from the ship. so naturally they immediately attacked it and because I have given them op magic items it wasn't much of a problem to take him down.

That was until one of the goliath who stayed in the ship yelled at the others that this devil is part of the city guard and only given them a ticked because your not allowed to land a airship at a random place next to the city. so I make the players role for perception to see if they hear it, the owlin shooting at the devil heard it but the aarakocra strangling the devil didn't so in order to make him stop the owling shoots the aarakocra which distracts him from the devil and he starts attacking the owling the fight didn't last long but it was long enough for the devil to escape. so when they saw it had escaped they panicked because they where still loading some heavy objects into the ship and they didn't want do ditch it in order to make a run for it so they started to discuss what to do. discussing took so long that a group of devilish city guards managed to arrive at the scene and arrest them the luckily with some high deception checks they managed to convince the guards that a npc named Meowsma (a cat devil the party enslaved) had attacked the guard so they take him away.

But they don't want to leave him because of how useful he is so they start planning a rescue operation they go back into the city and figure out that he is kept in a dungeon underneath the citadel in the middle of the city they don't want to fight all the devil guards so they decided to create a distraction luckily a few sessions before the owlin had gotten in contact with the elder evil Zargon the returner and had been given a task in exchange for power. the task was to take a magical artifact named the eye of Zargon and planting it in the middle of a large settlement. so that's what she did and after that a fountain of ooze started to bubble up from where she planted the eye and from this ooze huge aberrations started burst out of the ground and attacked the city some of them causing madness in the cultist population this distracted the guards and allowed them to save meowsma easily.

But that's not what two of them did the owlin and the aarakocra decided it was a much better idea to rob the local magic shop whish would probably be undefended with all this chaos and only the bearfolk and the goliath went to save the npc. the players didn't know where he was exactly and the bearfolk rolled low so he starts to randomly throw doors open until he opens one that was a throne room with a angry archdevil looking at the devastation true a window. the other opened a door with a large transmission mirror (think magic mirror from castlevania anime) and after messing with hit got into contact with another archdevil on the other side wo asked for the first archdevil and eventually walked true the mirror to go looking for him eventually they think to check the basement to see if the dungeon is there it is and they find the npc free all the prisoners and steal the magic mirror which was that archdevils only way home.

Because of the chaos running back to the ship is not a big problem the other two PCs steal a bunch of magic items and fly back and they fly the airship away from the burning city with two arch devils trying to destroy the aberrations.

mission success

[sena-shi]

Protector of Teyvat (a troll hell-bent on reviving everyone just for fun) P—3

Isekai’d reader who is hell-bent on reviving everyone using your cheat code as the protector of Teyvat. With great power comes great benefits! Teyvat population stonks

Note: asmoday is the unknown god, reader also grants gnosis and visions, isekai, slight sagau in the future chapters, op reader

Summary: You are just a regular human being living your best life on Earth, collecting husbandos and waifus in Genshin Impact when all of a sudden you were isekai'd to Teyvat, but not as a traveler, a creator, or an NPC. You are a very close friend of both Celestia and the Unknown God, who is known as the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles. You also hold a very important position of the highest order because unbeknownst to the general populace, you are the Protector of Teyvat from the outside forces. 

And so imagine the Archon's faces when their dead friends suddenly came back to life just so they can accompany you together with Aether and Paimon on a journey to spit on the Celestia's face

Timeline in Teyvat when you got transmigrated: Before any wars happened. Zhongli is probably sucking on a dragon pacifier or something if that even exists.

Warning: curse words, slight ooc, lore flying over the ocean and going for a swim, author removed the lore from the irminsul so act like you know nothing of it, i'm putting the lore in the cheese grater

“As what I am trying to say, Lady Y/N… is quite… a peculiar person.”

Jean sighed and scratched her temples, beginning to feel stressed. "Stop going in circles and get to the point, Kaeya."

About half an hour has passed since Kaeya first started talking, and it does not seem like he is going to get straight to the point any time soon.

Paimon flew closer to you, who was visibly bored as you sat on a chair, whispering into your ears.

“Paimon thinks you broke him...”

You folded your arms and looked at the man who had been struggling to explain for about ten minutes with a quiet chuckle. His eyes met yours, and he instantly averted his gaze, an embarrassed expression on his face.

And even Lisa, who is standing next to Jean, has been staring at you for quite some time. Her gaze was strong despite the pleasant smile on her face.

“You flatter me, Captain Kaeya.”

Jean arched an eyebrow at you, seemingly perplexed.

“After all, I am just a normal human being trying to make a living.”

She blinked, trying to process everything that is going on. If you're only something like a traveling merchant, why is Kaeya acting as if he's forced to sing praises about you?

The entire room fell silent, and all eyes were fixed on you.

With a straight face, you answered calmly, "I sell visions and use fried eggs to resurrect the dead.”

The room fell into an awkward silence as Kaeya coughed so loudly that he flopped down on the ground and decided to become one with the floor.

"This is quite a change of events," Lisa said with a beautiful frown as she glanced at Kaeya, who was suffering in silence.

Jean shook her head in utter confusion as she pointed at Kaeya, "Just why is he acting like this...?"

“Oh!” Paimon exclaimed in realization of Jean's question. She rubbed the side of her head then stroke her chin, as if she didn't know how to explain everything.

“Uhm— uh… Paimon's not sure who this Crepus guy is, but when Y/N threw a fried egg somewhere, he poof out of the ground and insisted on going to his son instead of joining us to meet you here.”

"He even wanted Kaeya to come along, but this man had already left before we realized it!" Paimon yelled and pointed towards Kaeya.

Jean raised a brow in confusion, and Paimon spoke once again, "It’s not Paimon’s fault, I swear! He suddenly appeared, and Kaeya looked like he had seen a ghost... Paimon is guessing that he is someone important that Y/N randomly brought back to life to scold Kaeya for touching her."

“Oh, my archons…”

Lisa turned to stare at Jean, her eyes wide with confusion.

“If I know… Crepus is Master Diluc’s father.”

Lisa gasped, and Kaeya seemed to be dead with his face plastered to the ground.

“Oh?” You shrugged your shoulders, glancing out the window, unconcerned with what was going on around you.

Jean sighed, obviously disturbed. "How is this even possible? I'm sure even the archons can't—"

“Lady Y/N is not an archon…”

“I’m afraid I don’t quite follow, Kaeya.” 

“Lady Y/N is someone who is much higher than the archons…”

Lisa appeared to be captivated with the new knowledge and immediately turned to gaze at you with amazement. You, on the other hand, paid no attention to her and continued to stare out the window absentmindedly.

Will Timmie make a great archon?

What if I give Timmie a Pyro Vision to roast his pigeons?

If I revive little floatie’s friend, will I have two little Venti?

But what if little floatie's friend starts to feel embarrassed when he sees the huge statue that looks like him standing in the middle of Mondstadt?

If I slap Dain with a fried egg to remove the curse, will he get mad? I’m pretty sure I’d lose my arm before my hand can even come close…

“Someone… higher than the archons?” Jean mumbled to herself.

Paimon huffed, placing her hands on her hips and said confidently, "She is the Protector after all!"

Lisa's eyes twinkled with delight and respect at the new revelation. Back in Akademiya, she unintentionally read a forbidden book about Teyvat's Protector. It was believed to have been authored by the first Dendro Archon, but the book has since been lost or stolen.

There are no other records of you save for that single book, which she is keeping so discreetly that she even went to Mondstadt to keep it safe, despite the fact that the book has reduced her lifespan in half. But unexpectedly, the book mysteriously vanished.

It was recorded that the God of Wisdom has only encountered you once, when they had ascended one of the seven seats, and there were no more chances of meeting you again because you've been protecting Teyvat in the shadows. You've been keeping Teyvat so safe that you have no time to even mingle with them.

"However, I have a sneaking suspicion that the Celestia is trying to keep her highness away from the seven archons, particularly the Anemo Archon,” —  this was one of the numerous lines written by the God of Wisdom that Lisa will never forget having to read.

It was only a one-time meeting, but it was described that all the archons were overjoyed to catch a glimpse of you. There must not be any records preserved or knowledge of you because doing so will provoke the heavenly principles. It's most likely that this is the reason why Sumeru was dealt such a devastating blow back then. And with such a wealth of information, Lisa is left wondering why she is still alive.

And now that the two of you even have the chance to meet, she considers herself to be one of the fortunate people in Teyvat to have the opportunity to speak with you face to face. 

Jean cast a quick glance in the direction of the librarian, who has all of a sudden adopted a new attitude towards you. Now that she's thinking about it, she's curious to find out what information the librarian has about you.

"...before we came to the headquarters, there were at least three or four citizens who had been granted with a vision.” Kaeya shuddered.

“Kaeya’s speaking the truth! Even Paimon has lost count already! At this point, the entire Mondstadt could be dubbed as the nation of vision holders!”

Paimon's voice jolted you out of your daze, prompting you to respond, "...I thought we'd keep that a secret."

“Oh— right! Paimon’s sorry!”

You laughed, softly waiving your hands as a sign that everything was fine. You looked at Jean, who was suddenly staring at you with such reverence that she seemed to want to grovel before you.

You smiled at her. “Anyways, are we done here?”

"Ah, yes," Jean said awkwardly, looking over at Aether, who was staring at you attentively, "About the storm terror attack."

"Y/N and the Anemo Archon supported me," Aether said with a blank expression and a shrug of his shoulders.

“Oh goodness… you’re traveling with the protector and even met the Anemo Archon?” Lisa asked, her mouth slightly wide in surprise.

“Anemo Archon, Anemo Archon, ah— my little floatie is just so adorable. Maybe I should travel the worlds with him after resigning…” You muttered to yourself.

Aether and the other people in the room have all of a sudden become alerted, and their attention is focused on you. Even Kaeya suddenly straightened his posture, only to see you staring peacefully outside the windows.

After resigning!? Travel alone with the Anemo Archon!? Jealous, jealous, jealous—

The voices of Celestia and Asmoday can be heard wailing somewhere in the distance in the sky. They are most likely devising a plot to put you behind bars at this very moment.

It shouldn't come as a surprise if the Anemo Archon suddenly have a club of haters.

You started humming a tune as you became aware of the peaceful atmosphere that was beginning to arise.

You snorted and mockingly said, "Oh? What exactly am I seeing? We've barely known each other for a day, and you're already obsessed with me?"

They all choked in embarrassment, turning away to hide their flushed cheeks.

You cocked your head to the side, amused, as they all began babbling silly reasons just to cover themselves up.

“W—well, it’s not everyday that you get to meet someone like— like—”

“Paimon thinks Y/N feels comfy to be around! Paimon’s not obsessed at all!”

Aether quickly agreed with a nod.

“Right, right, alright. If you people are still interested in discussing the stormterror attack, then I'll just leave you to it,” You gave them a soft smile as you floated right up from your seat and waved your hand before making the decision to vanish with a poof in order to bestow even more visions and cause more chaos.

"Don't look for me, I'm going to meet someone," They heard your voice echoing inside their thoughts, and it made them feel even greater animosity towards the person you are talking about.

“We don’t even want to talk about stormterror attack anymore!”

"…sigh. I wanted to listen more of her voice," Lisa grumbled, and Jean feels the same.

“She must’ve felt uncomfortable, she doesn’t want people talking about her after all.” Aether clicked his tongue in displeasure before running out the room with Paimon to find you.

"Just how am I going to explain everything to Diluc?" Kaeya chuckled bitterly as he slumped tiredly in the chair.

Thank the Gods you got away before they could get their paws on you. But it doesn't mean they won't pursue you.

“Woah! The birds are flocking to you!" Timmie talked happily, obviously amazed as he watched you almost completely covered in birds as you leaned on the parapet to watch the water race by.

"They're rather... heavy." You whispered, attempting to remain still while the birds that usually flew away at the sight of people treated you like a tree.

"Oh yeah! You're like God!"

You gave him a small grin as you looked down at him. "What makes you think that?"

“Well, I've heard stories about Lord Barbatos being so close to birds that he'd even fly alongside them! You're exactly like him!”

The birds chirped happily, rubbing their heads against your cheek as if they wanted to be complimented.

You snorted, trying to image Barbatos flying alongside the birds. You could say that your mind created a pretty humorous image.

Venti sat on top of the statue of the Anemo Archon, blushing profusely at what the wind had relayed to him. He's too sober enough to listen to your conversation, and he wishes he'd gone straight to the tavern to get drunk instead of stalking you.

But he wouldn't pass up an opportunity to see you.

"You seem to love pigeons a lot; do you wish to fly with them as well?"

“Yeah… I believe it would be cool, and maybe I'll be able to find daddy..."

You agreed with a little nod, calmly watching the river flow gently while Timmie stares in awe at how the sun rays were focused towards you, creating a lovely scene.

"Who knows, maybe you'll be reunited with your father soon," You spoke while remaining motionless in your position and gazing at the rushing river.

Timmie nodded, little relieved by your remarks. He has always waited, and he will never get tired of waiting.

“Hm?”

“What is it?”

You ignored Timmie as you cast a glance at the gates, sensing that at least four or five individuals were approaching you.

"I'm afraid our little bonding has to come to an end here."

Timmie pouted and mumbled cutely, "But me and my pigeons like you."

You amusedly ruffled his hair as you giggled at his antics.

"How about you come to me when you're lonely?" You smiled as you took his hands in your own and placed a glowing Anemo vision in his palm.

And then maybe when someone tries to hurt your pigeons, you can airbend the shit out of their lungs.

Timmie gaped, his gaze drawn to the vision in his hands and your bright, smiling face. He began stammering, his brain attempting to absorb everything that was happening at the moment.

Oh my god— oh my god— was all he could think of.

“Lady Y/N!” Jean and the others said in unison.

"See you soon," you said quietly, ignoring the people who were approaching you at an incredible pace, giving Timmie one last pat on the head before disappearing to slap someone with a fried egg somewhere else.

Because seriously, why is everyone so clingy to you when it comes to you? Can't a protector have a little peace in their lives?

Timmie stood motionless, a vision in his hands while his mind went haywire.

Daddy, daddy, I think I just met a God!

“Protecto—”

Before they even had a chance to finish their sentence, a fried egg came flying at them at a high rate of speed, and the runny egg yolk came splattering into their face.

You mumbled something under your breath while opening your eyes with a weary expression and blinking several times in an effort to clear the haze from your vision. They just can't seem to give you some space, even if it's just for a moment, can they not? You're literally trying to get some sleep!

The abyss mage who had just been smacked by a fried egg started to emit light as though the curse was in the process of being broken. Something shattered inside of their soul as they shed the last bit of monstrosity that had clung onto them for hundreds of years.

You found a comfortable position on the grass and leaned back against the tree. And off to the side of your vision, you can make out a woman with blond hair who is dressed in white and blue.

You fixed your attention on her, and by the expression on her face, you could see how genuinely surprised she was by what she had witnessed. Her eyes gleamed with much interest and reverence as they locked onto yours.

You immediately felt an inside sigh of frustration when you realize that you’re going to have another traveler who will try to cling onto you.

Lumine suddenly stepped up, and her voice is just as endearing as that of her twin brother. 

"It is an honor to meet our savior," she said. It was a display of respect, but you are too sharp to even believe those words. You are their savior, but that does not imply that they are obligated to treat you with the utmost respect.

You responded with a faint hum as you quickly pulled an abyss mage close to you to use as a pillow, unaware to the jealous stares that Lumine was giving you. 

“Are you here to meet with your twin?”

“I am not… ready to face him,” Lumine whispered softly while her face distorted into an agonized expression, as if she were thinking back on the times she spent with her twin brother.

"Help him with Dvalin," you said, your cheek resting on the back of your hand. You almost laughed when you saw her slightly frown at you. They were the ones that made Dvalin act like that, thus they should be the ones to clean up their mess.

“But—”

"I'm posing as your twin's guide right now, and if this storm terror problem isn't fixed by the end of the week, how am I meant to leave Mondstadt to search for and save the people of your nation?"

"I absolutely want to retire, sigh..." you mumbled, squeezing the abyss mage's cheeks in frustration.

"I suppose you have a point," Lumine answered, nodding her head in understanding. Maybe she can even take a break and check how her twin brother is doing in this world.

"Wonderful, you finally understand!" You replied enthusiastically, and your smile is so dazzling that Lumine feels like she's staring directly into the sun.

"Then, after cleaning up the mess that Celestia made, the two of you can leave Teyvat and continue on your journey."

“Perhaps after you've completed your journey in this world, I can go get some wine, retire, eh... maybe mingle with the humans and spend time with Venti, and...” You started rambling, not noticing how Lumine's face darkened at your words, suggesting that they should leave this world and continue their journey in another.

And Venti? That Barbatos? Lumine fumed whilst you are clueless that your little floatie had earned another hater.

And what if she refuses to leave? What if she desires to know more about you? What if Aether and her decide to bring you along with them on their journey across the worlds?

Far above in the clouds, the Celestia added another name to one of their most hated lists.

Barbatos

Archons

Travelers

You coughed and paused, embarrassed to disclose your life plans after retiring. Lumine, on the other hand, appears to be listening attentively, as though unconcerned with the fact that you're essentially begging them to leave.

Sighing heavily, you decided to put your plan of slapping them with a fried egg in the back of your mind and work on properly removing their curse.

Lumine kept an eye on you, observing how sincere you've become in your treatment of her allies. As your look became more serious, your hand smoothly glided to touch them without even a trace of revulsion.

Perhaps the unknown God isn’t going to be the one who will trap them in this world this time. Maybe you will be the new reason, and she will willingly stay just to uncover your mystery.

Aether, my twin brother, how about we postpone our journey for a while? Surely you felt the same way when you first met her?

sumimasorry for the late update, I was busy crying over my artifact substat and made a kazuscara ff instead

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bold users can't be tagged, idk why ;m;

well anyways, after this I'm going to hide, make fried eggs, and do my forgotten comms

[sagesariadnd]

The Seven Deadly Sins of Tabletop RPGs

Just because I can.

Greed: Loot hogging - gathering up and hoarding everything you find and never sharing with the party. Stealing from the party, too, no doubt.

Envy: Stealing the spotlight from other players. Demanding your character get something special that another character has (such as demanding the DM give you wings when a character turns out to be an aasimar). Interrupting a player taking advantage of a specialized skill to do it yourself.

Gluttony: This one's a little tricky...in order to avoid the fatphobic modern depiction of gluttony, I'm using the definition on wikipedia: overindulgence and overconsumption of anything to the point of waste. So in that vein, I'll say: excessively consuming one-time use items such as potions when it's not necessary. Kinda mild comparatively, and not as common as the others, but it's what I've got.

Pride: Main Character Syndrome. Insisting your character is The Best and The Coolest and demanding that everything be easy for them. Bonus points if they're powerplayed to hell and back and stupidly OP. With maybe a hint of creating a self-insertive character such that you feel personally attacked when something bad happens. (Not saying that self-inserts are inherently bad, you just REALLY need to be careful about that bleed risk)

Sloth: Chronic tardiness with no excuse. Not paying attention. Playing a character who refuses to buy in.

Lust: Needlessly horny. Constantly making sexual jokes or references at inappropriate times. Attempting to romance or have sex with every NPC or PC you meet, and refusing to stop when turned down. Insisting on narrating or rolling for sex scenes instead of fading to black.

Wrath: Murderhoboing. Excessively torturing characters in the game (even if they are the definitive bad guy). Threatening or yelling at the DM or other players.

[gimblegamble]

Wait why did I private this, this shit is hilarious.

OUAW posting don't mind me.

Why did... why did we leave Witchlight Carnival only to drown in the swamp of sorrow-- I already hate Prismere I wanna go home. 🥲

edit 1: nevermind Gideon is peeing everywhere

edit 2: STOP PEEING ON EVERYONE

edit 3: oh my god his fucking legs

edit 4: 3 points of dick damage

edit 5: hell yeah back in the game anyways fetish swamp

edit 6: I love it when ✨something happens✨ and Derek gets to act like he has rabies

edit 7: ah, they've killed him

edit 8: I'm gonna throw up, he gave her the signal whistle

edit 9: I like DM Andy but I just realized how bro him and Mace sounds like IRL. Also like how feral Twig is for Nikkie

edit 10: [Nikkie creating Twig]: these bitches ain't going nowhere without an NPC to drag them along, time to take this in my own hands.

edit 11: [Nikkie]: can I, as a DM, use the word 'hole'? [Everyone]: NO

edit 12: Dang, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to simultaneously DM and be a player character in a DnD session Nikkie is so cool

edit 13: jesus Twig is OP, she killed like 50 rabbits while semi concious

edit 14: I can't wait until OUAW blasts me with sadness while also telling me about piss and nudist cats with fused legs

edit 15: [Mikey]: can I draw on this? [Derek, without an ounce of hesitation]: I'll kill you

edit 16: Derek setting up a future werecat fight

edit 17: Torbek 🥺

edit 18: Nikkie's 'yes, and?' game is fucking phenomenal

edit 19: [Derek not having any enrichment for an hour and a half]: time for curses?

edit 20: its so funny they all just looks so much happier whenever they get cursed

edit 21: despite all the shittalking they all still care about eachother so very much I'm gonna cry

edit 22: Kremmy's eldritch blast hasn't hit an enemy in a while

edit 23: "It didn't ask for this" the funniest fuckin phrase so far (in context)

edit 24: the penis nose curse is always so funny

edit 25: "no he didn't give me a condom, he gave me a folded up piece of paper! probably some resistance code-- oh, no there's the condom" - Kremy

edit 26: Torbek's back! :D

edit 27: proud nudism is contagious.

edit 28: ITS FRIGHTENINGLY CONTAGIOUS

edit 29: JESUS GIDEON IN LOVE IS 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

edit 30: its always ironic 😔

edit 31: It'd funny because, out of all of the party, it's usually Torbek who keeps track of lore things with the fairy dragon and ClapperClaw

edit 32: NEW CURSE TABLE

edit 33: got my hands on the unedited stuff and????? they're pretty ship friendly??????

edit 34: everyone's clown-sonas are turning out pretty nice

edit 35: " YOU CLOWN BACK UP YOU SILLY FUCK, LET'S GO!"

edit 36: "Torbek just wants to go home" "you are home, you're with us" Immediate waterworks, I'm sobbing

edit 37: something about nickles and Kremy finding silicon breast forms that somehow fit perfectly.

edit 38: my favourite part of the whole play was Hootsie.

edit: 39 the Gideon taking damage every time Mace laughs IRL bit damn near killed me

edit 39.5: Kremy's condom collection grows

edit 40: oh my god NIKKIE! The lore drop from what's basically a comedic bit. AAAAAAA

edit 41: nooooo I love Torbek 🥺🥺🥺🥺

edit 42: say what you want, they really know how to break tension in a good way

edit 43: not the carlfish nooooooooo

edit 44: my head hurts from laughing too hard, I think I'm having heart problems (in a funny way)

edit 45: I'm gonna burst a blood vessel laughing too hard.

edit 46: When will Gideon realize that flirting with Frost is like flirting with a brick wall

edit 47: please stop giving Torbek the bananyas, I cannot think about his long fingers pushing bananyas down anyone's throat again.

edit 48: waiting for a confrontation where the other person doesn't silence Gricko

edit 49: wheres Torbek 🥺🥺🥺

edit 50: "I'M NOT GONNA MISS YOU YOU LITTLE BITCH!" - Twig

edit 51: taking a peek in saltmarsh and-- MUMBO JUMBO MENTION LFGGG

edit 52: why does andy sound like a twink

edit 53: me every time I see my name in the patreons list

edit 54: Derek's Monty voice scratches an itch in my brain I never knew I had.

edit 55: back to OUAW, I really can't get over Mace's regular speaking voice, he has such a jock voice and he says shit like 'jujutsu kaisen' like nothing else... like a jock otaku, a jotaku

edit 56: you know it's back when even Nikkie goes "NOOOO 😭😭"

edit 57: the universal fear of accidentally destroying a bag of holding... Frog of holding?

edit 58: I don't like the shadow demon :( I don't like the frog of holding :(

edit 59: oh its not a frog of holding?

edit 60: I'M SCREAMING, CALL THEIR NAMES KREMY CALL THEM RIGHT NOW

edit 61: TORBEK NO

edit 62: yeah no, I wouldn't be able to watch this without the twists, I'm sorry, I don't- I can't with the fails I'm gonna eat concrete

edit 63: TWIGSIE NO

edit 64: TWIGSIE PLEASE

edit 65: I can't do this tonight man

edit 66: TORBEK NO

EDIT 67: THE WIKI LIED TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

edit 68:

edit 69: nice

edit 70: Kremy... Kremy Kremy Kremy... you are such a simp for your husband. Down horrendous. Down appalling even. I once knew someone like you, I put him in ✨situations✨.

edit 71: wait is there some Briggsy/Torbek stuff anywhere? genuinely curious because of their connection in that oneshot 👀

edit 72: can we not let Torbek end a fight ever again? I don't like being lightly misted by blood and gore everytime he shifts

edit 73: alright alright, listen I'm in it deep enough that I will definitely watch prime okay? I'm doing it piss backwards though and will maybe watch it when I'm done catching up with everything else. I'm trying to speedrun OUAW (badly because I watch the unedited shit + avantris and chill stuff) and I thing I plan on watching Uprooted or Edge of Midnight next. A lot of my motivation for all of this is because of EVERYONE at the table's enthusiasm with their lore like Andy theory crafting at the mere mention of prime plot points? Mace's general everything with anything??? I'm just... in it you know? I love them. I'll watch prime Richie I will. dw about it

edit 74: ASS BACKWARDS NOT PISS

edit 75: LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE

edit 76: I need somebody to look at me the way Mace looks at anyone on the table who drops lore unfamiliar to him. Curious, focused, a bit apprehensive, staring you down as if he wants to bore holes on your forehead.

edit 77: whiplash again... my neck will never be the same

edit 78: I... CANNOT do this... not again. I"M NOT FUCKING STRONG ENOOOOUUUUUUUGH

edit 79: what the fuck even. NOT HOOTSIE MOTHERFUCKER

edit 80: jesus fucking christ

edit 81: I have recovered

edit 81: Torbek 😭

[cha-mij]

NERDS: A Manifesto | A Capella Science

I got a lyrical proclivity

Special like relativity

General knack of physics

Incredible rap ability

Feeling me? Don't tell me these glasses lack in virility

I'm physically intimate yo

Cause physics is into me

The cold open

Nerds from CERN to Hoboken

The soft spoken

When talking openly

Gets your nose broken

It's no joke and I'm

Not hoping to make light

Just throwing a rope

If you got no hope

To hang tight

Dang right

I know what high school life is like

Can't fight

When every bully is twice your height

Turning the pages fascinated up late nights

But stay bright little nerdling

Cause when the hard part's done you got the world on a string

Leaving home as a hobbit you'll return as a king

Cause modern life is brain boxing and you're lord of the ring

It goes

Nerds!

Our name since junior high

But now we're Doctor Last Name saving juniors' lives

It goes

Nerds!

We got pushed at the front of the class

But now we running banks pushing fat stacks of cash

It goes

Nerds!

Ears burnin but we never let it catch fire

Stayed calm built a dot com empire

Nerds!

So keep your pride with your face in the dirt

Cause it's no secret that the geek shall inherit the earth

I'm repping nerd rights

Because we're hotter than thermite

Sharper that any pencil

At the start of the term

Might I suggest

That next to any text a nerd writes

That Hollywood gossip whoring

Is boring like a termite

Cause we're the greats

From Shakespeare to Cape Fear

Oscar nom dot com bubbles in your great beer

Engineers need a mention here

For turning tension and stress

Into a professional career

Yeah we've learned to be relentless

So whether you're a chemist

Inventor of medicines

Or a dental hygienist

Apprentice in theoretical dietetics of lettuce

Just get up and represent;

You know the world has got a nerd fetish

So all my geeks in the closet living secretly

I see you sneaking nature docs on the BBC

No time to hide, take pride in our legacy

Cause it's a brand new world; 51 Pegasi

Nerds!

You say we're lame; are you kidding me?

Nerds!

You think great techs can't have great sex?

We study Wikipedia pages and type in LaTeX

Nerds!

Kept you blind, under cover like a peregrine

Sly enough to leave you Hufflepuffin' while we Slytherin

Nerds!

I never got to be fly as a kid

But my vocabulary gave me sick rhymes to spit

I studied science

Grew up to be a rhyme sayer

No Minnesota connection, one of a kind

Say you're pumping iron?

I'm pumping ions through this bilayer

You can't abide this myelin if you try, player

Mind greater than a giant Ghana land snail

Sign "theta" when I'm answering my fan mail

Rhymes get under your skin just like a hang nail

Wits make you dizzy better hold on to the handrail

I know my limits,

So don't you try to limit me

Won't be derivative

Spitting back what you're giving me

What matters is understanding patterns and symmetry

So I'll be integrating your factual data lyrically

OMG so OP These NERDs

Got the ATP to defeat all you NPCs

LCD to your CRT

TNG to your TMZ

ICBM to your TNT

Cause we're explosive like caesium

Bright like burning magnesium

Swallow you like amoebas

Enveloping paramecium

Fighters right in our element

Like a knight in Elysium

When we bridle the elements

Hell we make it look easy hon.

You think it looks easy? Umm.

Well how bout we face off?

Ignoring laboratory procedure?

You'll blow your face off

So keep your He-Man stats in your grey skull

Cause grey matter is power

That's the power of Grayskull

Nerds!

They called us ADHD, made us take pills

Now we're rippin 88 keys, rocking great skills

Nerds!

If you ever took band or theatre

Take a bow to the haters

And say "Calc-u-later!"

Nerd!

You don't appreciate this high tone

Tell me again how you would die without your iPhone

Nerd!

Music, science and art, the trifecta

Kneel before the mighty pocket protector

[elbiotipo]

This was so interesting and fun to read

I need to point out that "SID MEIER'S EUROPE" already exists and it's Europa Universalis. Ironically, Europa Universalis IS more expansive that any game just set in Europe because it covers the entire world, and I must give props to the devs when they do their research and do it well. But just like you said, the first 2 entries on the series was just Europe doing imperialism with the rest of the world as NPCs

From EU3 onwards, they tried and sort of succeeded in making all the world playable, which is great, and I think EU4 is a really good game. However you can see where it falls aparts at the seams, because it doesn't any longer try to be a game about only European empires; now you can play as muslim sultanates, African kingdoms or native american tribes. The big problem is that they still, no matter if they try to put some mechanics, they all play like European states. For me, EU4 jumped the shark when it implemented playable Australian tribes with concepts such as taxes and development which was absolutely nonsensical (I also need to say that after that they left South America completely abandoned, so if you check the EU4 map, you will find great cities in Australia and South America just a huge expanse of terra nulius)

I believe assymetry is one of the things that make Paradox grand strategy games more compelling to me. It's thrilling to find lesser-known yet fascinating cultures and be able to play with them. However, besides the sheer effort in designing all sorts of mechanics, Gamers love Balance and they will complain if their MP experience is ruined. I simply don't think balance is that important and so I basically agree fully with your OP, a good game developer shouldn't fall into the hell of "playing to win" and make a game that is interesting to play, not to win, no matter what you choose. And the way to do this, in my opinion is to make gameplay more diverse, that is, more assymetrical.

My way to solve this would be to determine some 'basic' types of play; settled cultures, nomadic cultures, tribal cultures that are actually loose association of chiefdoms, etc. that all play different on their historical context. And you could mix and match both in game and in 'empire' creation (like in Stellaris) with different traits, mechanics, aesthetics, so you could simulate both historical cultures and whatever you wish. And also have an historical world map, like in Europa Universalis or Rhye's and Fall of Civilization (IV) that grounds the player.

So, here you got your historical map, with all the civilizations roughly as we know them from history in a particular time period (probably with several starting dates). Now, what you can do, with our customization options, is to play with history and make whatever kind of "civilization" you wish.

However, the instinct to "win" and balance is very entrenched among gamers, and they would complain about what's the point of including small tribes or city states if they can't win (I've actually seen proposals to remove city-states from Civilization in that attitude). So, I think that's where you need to develop flavor for them. For example, no, it would be very difficult to make an aboriginal Australia conquer the world. But there would be perks to playing as Australian aborigines too, you could learn about them, they could have different mechanics that others don't have, and you could play with history and build a different civilization (using the mix-and-match I said above) that did not exist in our world. So instead of just poorly implementing tribal societies as just 'civilizations' with a coat of paint, they would play differently.

Can you elaborate on what you think would be the minimal needed changes to fix what you see as an issue in Civ? Civ has done fairly large shifts in some mechanics before, and "civ like" is still an interesting game space that can scratch certain itches

yeah i mean as i said, the baked-in racism arises from a certain set of core assumptions that i think lock it into that position, which are that civ is a

1) symmetrical

2) 4X

game about

3) 'real world civilizations' (deeply loaded terms ofc but that's how civ envisions them)

4) trying to 'win the game'

5) with a global

6) and transhistorical

scope

so, in its role as a symmetrical (1) game with victory conditions (4), civ as a text has to take positions on what constitutes a 'successful civilization'. as a (2) 4X game this definition also has to include some variation on the profoundly loaded eponymous Xs, 'explore, expand, exploit, and exterminate'. furthermore, as a (1) symmetrical game with a global, transhistorical (5, 6) scope, it has to necessarily create a model of what 'a civilization' looks like and apply it to every 'civilization' it wants to include, at all points in their history.

this all kind of naturally leads into civ being a game in which the colonial european imperialist powers are the default 'civilizations' and all other cultures are basically just like them -- a game where technology progresses linearly and innovations are made in the order they were in european imperial history -- a game where all cultures fundamentally work in the same way and hold similar values, a game where all religions are based on christianity (i mean, just look at civ vi's system, where every religion has a 'prophet', 'apostles', 'missionaries' and 'inquisitors'), a game where not only do cultures have teleological overarching 'goals' but where these goals are shared and these goals are fundamentally based on imperialist visions of 'victory'.

to drill into some specific examples: you can't play a game of civilization without founding cities. you will constantly be founding cities. when you're playing as 'the mongols' or 'the cree' or 'scythia', this makes no sense! these were peoples who historically had rich culture, science, arts, and certainly a notable military history, but were (to varying degrees, at varying times in their history, i don't mean to create a new and similarly heterogenous absolutist category here) nomadic!

similarly, to advance in civilization you must invent 'the wheel'. 'the wheel' is necessary to many later innovations, while of course the andean peoples represented by the playable 'inca' never made significant use of the wheel because the lack of suitable pack animals and environmental factors meant that it did not, in fact, prove a suitable tool for transporting large quantities of heavy goods. for an even more glaring example, a lot of early military technology is locked behind 'horses', which is pretty absurd considering that several of the game's playable civilizations, in the real world, developed plenty of military technology despite living on a continent without any horses!

so having established what i mean by 'the issue', which is that the game's core assumptions lock it into imposing a eurocentric, imperialist vision of 'civilization' onto cultures where it doesn't make sense, here's a few different jenga blocks you could pull out to resolve it:

SID MEIER'S EUROPE

the pillar you knock out here is #5. keep the game engine and core assumptions just as founded on eurocentric imperialist societies as they are now, and just make it about european empires doing imperialism. now, i think we can immediately spot some problems in there -- how are we going to represent the rest of the world? after all, this kind of just creates a situation where, either as NPC factions or as outright exclusions, all other cultures in the world are deprived of any meaningful agency in "history". this one just kind of gives you a new problem and also from a gameplay standpoint results in a game that just Has Less Stuff On It. i think this is a bad one

SID MEIER'S ELYSIUM

now here's one you can get if you knock out pillar #3. keep the same assumptions and gameplay and transhistorical global narrative scale, but remove the 'real-world' aspects. you can get real silly with it and add fantasy stuff to it, or you can be a relatively grounded 'our-world-but-to-the-left' situation. now to some extent this already matches a lot of the features already in civ games: after all, unless you specifically load in a 'true start location earth' map, you're usually playing on a strange parallel world with semiplausible but wholly original continents! now, you also need to get some fucking Nerds and Geeks working at your company to build out your fictional world, or you'll just end having pointlessly pallette swapped a bunch of factions that are now just Schmance, Schmina, and the Schoman Schempire, and not really have avoided the issue. but if you do that, and invent a deep and rich fictional history to riff on, then you could create something really cool and incorporate alt-tech or fantasy or retrofuturistic elements or all sorts of cool shit.

the downside of this is that it makes your game less accessible and appealing to a lot of people. a big part of (at least the initial) appeal of civilization is pointing at the screen and saying 'hey i recognize that thing!'. it is instantly more accessible to someone who isn't super invested in strategy or fantasy dork shit to say to them 'you can be BRAZIL and nuke FRANCE while at war with CHINA and allied to BABYLON'.

more importantly than that, i think some parts of the historical theming (because let's be honest, it is ultimately theming, i don't think civ is interested in 'history' in any serious way) serve a pretty load-bearing role in the game's information economy. it's a pretty tall order to ask a player to remember the unique abilities of dozens of factions and unique wonders, and the historical background makes it a lot easier. e.g., it is a lot easier for a player looking at wonders to remember 'the pyramids need to be built on desert' or 'broadway will help me make more culture' than it would be for them to remember the requirements/effects of 'under-eusapia' or the 'wompty dompty dom center'. i think this is one of the number one things that, if subtracted, would meaningfully create something that is no longer 'sid meier's civilization'.

SID MEIER'S ALPHA CENTAURI

now if you cut out #3 and #5 and #6 on the other hand... sid meier's alpha centauri is not technically an entry in the civilization franchise, but i think most people correctly consider it one. it has similar 4X gameplay to the series, and its (very bad) spiritual successor beyond earth was an official entry. instead of 'civilizations', the playable factions are splinters from a colony ship that fell into civil war as soon as it landed, each one representing a distinct ideology. now, y'know, this doesn't mean it's free from Some Problems (the portrayal of the Human Hive in particular is some of the worst apects of 90s orientalism all piled together) but i think they're problems it's not at all locked into by its design!

SID MEIER'S THERMOPILAE

by cutting out #5 and #6 -- making a civ game about a particular time and place in history you could achieve something much more richly detailed in mecahnics while also being able to handwave a lot more homogeny into it. giving the same basic mechanics to, say, every greek city-state in the peloponnesian war is far less ideologically loaded than giving them to every 'historical civilization' someone who watched a few history channel documentaries once can think of. it also lets you get really into the weeds and introduce era-and-place-specific mechanics.

the scale needs to be smaller conceptually but it doesn't really have to be smaller in terms of gameplay -- just make maps and tech trees and building more granular, less large-scale and more local and parochial and specific. this also gives you the advantage of being able to do the opposite of the last two options and really lean hard into the historical theming.

if this sounds like a good idea to you, then good news -- old world does something pretty similar, and it's pretty good! worth checking out.

SID MEIER'S LOVE AND PEACE ON PLANET EARTH

what if we take an axe to #2 and #4? instead of putting all these civilizations into a zero-sum game of violent expansion, make it possible for several civilization to win, for victory goals to not inherently involve 'defeating' or 'beating' other factions. now, that doesn't mean that the game should be a confictless city-builder -- after all, if you've decided to be super niceys and just try and make your society a pleasant place to live, that doesn't mean that the guy next to you isn't going to be going down the militarist-expansionist path. hell, even if all you want to do is provide for your citizens, a finite map with finite resources is going to drive you into conflict of some kind with your neighbours in the long run.

to make this work you'd have to add a bunch of new metrics -- 'quality of life', for example, as a more granular and contextual version of the 'happiness' mechanics a few games have had, or 'equality', game metrics that you could pursue to try to build an egalitarian, economically and socially just society where everyone is provided for. after all, why shouldn't that be a goal to strive for just as much as going to mars or being elected super world president or whatever?

SID MEIER'S DIVERSE HISTORICAL CONTEXTS

ultimately, all cards on the table, if i was made god-empress of The Next Civ Game, this is the option i'd go for: jettison #1 as much as practically possible, introduce as much asymmetry into the game as you can. some civilizations keep the established settler-city model -- others are nomadic, building their units in movable 'camps' -- maybe the 'colonial' civilizations, your USA and Brazil and so on, can be like the alien factions from the alpha centauri DLC, only showing as NPCs at the appropriate point in the timeline when other civs are colonizing other continents, or putting you into an accelerated-forward version of the game if you choose to play as one.

you could combine this with a more interesting version of humankind's civ-choosing system, where you lock certain civilization choices behind specific gameplay events. this would let you do crazy shit with the balancing -- imagine an ostrogothic kindgom civ with crazy strong abilities and units that you could only choose to play as if your capital is overrun by barbarians, or a hungarian civ that requires you to have started as a nomadic civ and invaded somewhere, or a soviet union civ that requires you to lose a revolution, or a usamerican civ that requires you to split off all cities on a foreign continent from your original civ -- you could add so much variety and so many new and bizarre strategies into the game with this!

as for the universal aspects of tech and the narratives of linear progression contained within, there are lots of approaches that already solve this! stuff like stellaris' semi-random branching tech paths, or endless space 2's circular tech web, could allow civilizations to take tech paths that make sense for them, rather than imposing one single model of 'technological progress' on the wole world.

obviously there's limits to this, right -- civilization isn't going to be a detailed historical materialism simulator any time soon. but i think abandoning the idea that every faction has to play fundamentally the same and introducing some severe asymmetry as well as choices that you can make after starting the game would work wonders to wash out some of the racist and colonialist assumptions built into the game's foundation, while also (imo) creating a more fun and interesting game.