#When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace‚ I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured

[micaathogwarts]

the words Aromantic and Asexual seems to get scrarier with time for me

TW: I'll discuss my fear of not being accepted for my identity, not finding a place in society because of it. +long post

For context: I'm 21, closeted ace and on the aro spectrum, never had a relationship or a crush before. This is obviously just my experience, i think that maybe also other people feel similarly in some way. I don't have many chances to talk to other aro/ace people so I'd love to hear from you! If you agree or not with my little rant, If you feel in somewhat similar or if you have different experience! obvs asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums and everyone have unique experiences so I'd love to hear yours!

(P.S. english is not my first language so I hope this is overlall understandable! plus I hope it does not sound as some kind internalised aphobia or discrimination: I am really proud and happy in my identity yet I am afraid that is will not be positively percived or understood)

I distintively remember being 15 and seing these words for the first time. I remember the confusion and the weird sense of understanding and belonging. But also I remember thinking "it is kinda ok if i am ace, my family would never know, ask or get mad because I don't have sex". (this may sound like a weird thing to think but understanding that you are queer, that others feels things differently than you, in a traditional, conservative enviroment may be scary and i though this would be easier).

I mean obviously i understood a lot about me and others in that moment, and I'd be lying if i say that my identity never made my feel distant or isolated from friends and other teens. (classmates talk about their crushes, relationship, experience all the time. Adult and professor akwardly talking about attraction and "active sexuality" as something normal, scientifical, biological that will eventually happen to everyone). But I have always been kinda shy and I was a good student in highschoold, adults and friends never questioned about me too much. True, maybe romantic relationship are kinda expected during your teenage years but everyone around me seemed to think that I was just "shy and focused". Ace and Aro label seemed much easy to hide and, most importantly I feelt like if others would ever come to know of it, it would not be a big deal.

But few years can make a great difference in what society expects from you. Once highschool was over it seems like being "shy and focused" was not worth of any praise anymore, quite the contrary actually: relatives started asking if I had a "boyfriend", closer family members started wondering if I liked girls, closer friends, who usually did not discuss relationship before, started looking for partners, dating and sharing their experiences and often it felt like I was just left out of the conversation. I started realising how I misjudged the situation before: being aroace is not as invisible as I though and it is actually a big deal!

It is a big deal and I didn't realise cause i greatly understimated how much of a big deal romance and sex were to everyone else in "adult" life. I realised that Hetero/Amatonormative Relationship are seen like a compulsory step to take in life, necessary to grow up, necessary for a stable adult life: I realised it by seeing that 75% of instagram posts written by students on university page are about realationships, sex, love, finding other attractive (it is almost like I forgot about a fundamental side quest: get a partner, for the main quests: get a deegree) I realised it by hearing my friend asking each other about their dates and encouraging eachother to join dating apps. I realised it by seeing online how people talk about celebrities love life, from the young woman who broke up with her boyfriend and in now a "different" person to the way people comment when they hear a boy in his 20s saying he had never kissed anyone. Love is compulsory, everyone my age is either in love or should be looking for love....

And I feel like it will only get worst: soon the people I grew up with will all be in relationship or looking for love and my closet will get more and more see-through with time and as much as I am proud of my identity I am deeply afraid of others reaction to it. And then they will get marryed and maybe I will not, and this society is weirdly couple-shaped, I almost cannot imagine living fully alone for the rest of my life.

(obv I know that aroace people can have relationship, I am aware I may even fall deeply and desperatly in love tomorrow morning but what I was trying to say is that if I still be as I am in this moment the way my closeted identity will suface always more and I am afraid of how others will treat me then.)

(I know this all posts sound dramatic, i hope it is not too unreliable tho!)

[liothediabolus]

[ID: tumblr tags that read

“#The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life #they are seeing romanticism and sexuality as the root of the problem. #They think that not having that ‘special someone' in your life means it's not worth living. #they're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on #When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace, I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured #about how people drift off into their bubble #about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day #and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships. #I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships. #About the conversations I can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up. #I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line #reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do. #That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about. #Not me missing out on having a romantic partner. #okay”

\End ID]

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

[sweetofsin]

i feel like allo dating in our current society can be seen within predominantly two different lenses

either it's full of people that are doing the whole situationships, 14 month talking stages, chasing after emotionally unavailable people, creating all these weird social rules that they feel like everyone else should abide by although it's clearly making them miserable

Or

it's full of people that are seeing this stuff and being like, omg! guys dating shouldn't be so complicated. either you guys are dating or you aren't! if someone doesn't want to date me after a month then i'm gone! it shouldn't be this difficult! love should feel easy and effortless!

and i get where both sides are coming from, but as an aroace person it's just... it's just a little rough out here

because truly, i think for the most part, people should mind their business and do what is best for them. and what is best for them may look like what is worse for me. and this doesn't mean that i condone people chasing after people who clearly aren't good for them, no. but if someone desires that, i can't force them to stop. i can gently try to guide or help, but that's it. i've been trying to accept that living in a world means you have to be open to people where they may choose to play it safe and continue with what's comfortable with them. it's understandable

most importantly though, i think the issue is people projecting so much dating advice and expecting everyone else to abide by it. it's one thing if you're sharing your experience and what you choose to do, it's another if you create an entire generalizing statement where it should be applied to everyone. because too many things require nuance

i also think about how every relationship/dynamic is different, so trying to constantly apply this baseline of advice is so wild to me! every romantic situation i have had with someone has progressed in different variations and forms. and there were some similarities sure, but also some differences

i'm not saying to forsake your identity when you're dating. of course it's good to have boundaries, know what you want/don't want, figure out your non-negotiables. AND i think it's also crucial to be flexible when it comes to other things because no person is going to fulfill your every need, desire, or standard in a partner. it just won't happen

for me, i love listening to dating advice when it comes to certain older people cause i feel like it's a breathe of fresh air, i don't know. they oftentimes do not romanticize the hell out of love. they'll just be like, yes. i love my partner. yes, they can annoy me and kinda drive me insane sometimes. yes, we respect each other and try our best to treat each other kindly. yes, this took a lot of work, trial and error to get here. no, it was not easy

it just sucks because i feel like people don't desire to intentionally communicate what they want, they go based off of what society wants (which is definitely not isolated to our generations). and then they let the social rules and norms dictate what should/shouldn't be allowed within their relationships. they leave little to no room for questioning, for growth, for uncomfortability. they leave little to no room for anyone who isn't extremely allo, doesn't have severe trauma or mental illness, etc. i'm just like, who are people trying to date where love genuinely feels so effortless? because it feels like people are trying to sell an image that isn't there. love, especially radical love, requires a FUCK TON of work. it's not even just in the sense of love if you have mental struggles or not. it's also because of the deconstruction we have to do when it comes to a lot of the narratives we have been sold about what love is, and a variety of other things

anyways it's just frustrating because i feel like more and more stuff just becomes so polarizing where it's like two sides arguing at each other, and still not recognizing how complex these things are. and also god forbid if you don't want to date someone or have sex with them immediately after meeting them! because clearly that means you're wasting their time and the other person should move on or whatever bs... as if ace people just don't exist

[acespec-ed]

I'm seeking for your wisdom

I think I'm having an acemergency over here.

I screw it up. Like, really badly.

Okay, this is the matter: I made this power point about the ace umbrella, and I might have caused one or two ace crisis to my friends.

Personally, accept that I'm aroace was a really complicated and painfull process for me, and I don't want that annyone else go thru it the same way I did.

So, do you have any advice of how can I help them to accept themself in a not-that-harmful way?? How can I know that I'm not making everything worst??

Pd: srry if this make you feel uncomfortable and is okay if you don't want to answer, I just really need help with this and I'm really sorry if I cross some line

This could be a good thing- everyone reacts to their ace-discovery differently. My experience was the opposite of yours. For me, I was relieved. It was a joy to discover. Things finally made sense. I accepted the fact immediately, thrilled that there was nothing "wrong" with me after all! I would've loved to have known about asexuality sooner.

It's possible some of your friends feel the same I did, so you have nothing to worry about. You might have even prevented harm- many aces force themselves into having sex, because expectations. And had they known they were ace, they might not have done so. They would have known that there was nothing that needed to be “fixed.” Or, if they’re AFAB, they may have assumed the stereotype of women being disinterested in sex is true, and just “put up with it” anyway because that’s what the woman is supposed to do. Stuff like that. (Though there is also a chance that an ace struggling with internalized aphobia might force themselves into having sex too. But that ace probably would have done so anyway even if they didn’t know they were ace, because they most likely see themselves as having a problem that needs to be “fixed” and the label doesn’t change that feeling. Unfortunately, all you can really do there is try talking sense into them and hope for the best.)

I’m not sure how to go about having them accept themselves if they are struggling like you did, since my experience was the polar opposite of that. But maybe it would help to think about the good parts of being ace. Not staying in unhealthy relationships “just for the sex.” Not feeling a “need” to seek out sex. Not having to worry about STDs or unwanted pregnancies. No sexual thoughts distracting you. No “sexual frustration.” You can go long periods of time without sex and/or be content with getting off yourself.

It could also be helpful to read up on the experiences aces have and being able to relate to that. Just knowing you’re not the only one out there feeling the way you do. For me, that was the biggest thing before I discovered I was ace- I felt isolated and alone because everyone else was talking about something I couldn’t relate to and I felt like I was the only person in the world who didn’t. That feeling went away once I discovered I was ace and started seeing others like me. Now instead of feeling isolated, I just feel confirmation in my ace identity.

I think, the only way you could really cause harm would be if you acted like being ace is a bad thing. Because that could lead them to thinking it’s a bad thing, when it’s not. Being ace is a neutral thing, like having curly hair or liking bacon or whatever. None of those things are bad, but it doesn’t make you better than other people either. It’s all neutral traits that come with pros and cons. (Though you should definitely focus on the pros to keep your friends from worrying about the cons!)

I’m not sure if any of that will help or not, and maybe others can add on. But it’s probably better that they know they’re ace. Yeah, there’s a possibility of it being a painful process, but in the end, it’s better to know than live life wondering why you are the way you are. They’ll come to terms with it eventually. Sometimes all that’s needed is time.

[arowitharrows]

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

Edit: adding my tags directly to keep things accessible:

#The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life #they are seeing aromanticism and asexuality as the root of the problem. #They think that not having that 'special someone' in your life means it's not worth living.#they're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on

#When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace‚ I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured #about how people drift off into their bubble #about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day #and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships.

#I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships. #About the conversations I can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up. #I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line #reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do. #That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about. #Not me missing out on having a romantic partner.

[mynameisemma]

Hi, I hope you don't mind me jumping at this post because I have Thoughts about Sonya and her Relative Happy Ending and I want to talk about it!!

To be completely realistic, I think Sonya needs therapy. I know we often joke about "character x needs therapy" but in Sonya's case I'm dead serious. She needs years and years of therapy to reflect on and undone the emotional damage caused by the Rostovs' mistreatment but that's not an option for obvious reasons.

I think Sonya does need to find unconditional love from someone else to start some healing process of her own. I don't mean that this love should be necessary romantic or ONLY romantic but it must be unconditional.

By the end of the novel Sonya is completely emotionally isolated from and by people she considers to be her family. It hurts her and she clings to an even false feeling of being involved — her sitting "weary but resolute at the samovar" with the others in the epilogue. Essentially she lives in a very emotionally damaging environment and I don't think she'd had enough mental sources to start processing her position in the Rostovs' household (of both generations) without some sort of emotional support from aside.

I think Sonya tends to suppress the feeling of being hurt. The first and only time we see her bitter and hurt by the Rostovs' mistreatment is when countess demands her to release Nikolai. And it's no wonder, really, she HAS to suppress her feelings in order to survive the severe emotional abuse when she has nowhere else to go.

Finding someone who'd show her genuine care and validation and love might trigger some comparison process and doubting and maybe realization. Even if her would-be companion said "Hey, I think your family does much more little for you than you do for them" it would be a good starting point for her (or a final step towards it)

In the end I think it all bails down to "A human needs a human": I completely agree with you that Sonya needs to learn self-love and self-worth but, imo, it's a long and cathartic and painful journey that is paradoxically impossible without love.

[UPD: I feel I need to clarify: I don't mean that Sonya has to be shipped with anyone to have a "happy end" and I have nothing against her being asexual, aromantic or aroace. I'm just a bit frustrated with not seeing anyone talking about Sonya overcoming isolation that is in fact her loneliness by finding people who'd value her. Sorry if I came across as policing!]

hi official leo tolstoy what are your opinions on sonya/happiness

hello i think this is the most important thing in all of the universe!! Sonya deserves to be happy i can and will kill leo tolstoys for not letting her be

However comma I do have genuine takes on Sonya’s ideal happy ending. I see a lot of people saying things like “she needs to find (romantic) love” and shoving her with random characters in order to get that and… for SOME reason (COUGHamatonormativityCOUGH) that really annoys me.

I disagree that Sonya just needs to be loved by someone. I think one of her fatal flaws is not caring enough about herself, leading her to create some very tragic situations for herself. To me, the ideal good ending for Sonya involves her learning some self-worth and finding nonpartnered happiness. I think it’s sad that her happiness has depended on other people’s whims throughout the entire book - whims of people who don’t care nearly as much about her as she does about them - and I’d love to see her depart from that. I’m not viscerally opposed to the idea of Sonya falling in love a long way down the line, but I think she has a lot of internal healing to do before that, lest she use it as a crutch and never face her issues with herself. Also I will admit I’m biased towards aroace Sonya <333 she’s just like me fr fr

[lazicepie]

Image ID:

A lot of hashtags.

[The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life. They are seeing aromanticism and asexuality as the root of the problem; they think that not having that 'special someone' in your life means it's not worth living. They're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on

When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace, I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured. About how people drift off into their bubble; about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day, and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships. I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships. About the conversations I can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up. I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line Reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do.

That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about. Not me missing out on having a romantic partner. okay]

Note: I put this through an image to text device, though it doesn't have any mistakes. Also I had removed the hashtags and added punctuation in place of them for better reading.

End ID.

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

[mosspapi]

[Image Description:] a screenshot of Tumblr tags written in pink font, reading as follows but formatted for easier reading: "The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life, they are seeing aromanticism and asexuality as the root of the problem. They think that not having that 'special someone' in your life means it's not worth living. They're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on. When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace, I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured, about how people drift off into their bubble, about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day, and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships. I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships. About the conversations I can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up. I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do. That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about. Not me missing out on having a romantic partner. Okay?"

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

[bluishorange]

[ID for image above: #The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life #they are seeing aromanticism and asexuality as the root of the problem. #They think that not having that 'special someone' in your life means it's not worth living. #they're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on #When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace, I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured #about how people drift off into their bubble #about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day #and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships. #I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships. #About the conversations | can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up. #I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line #reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do. #That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about. #Not me missing out on having a romantic partner. #okay]

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image ID: Tumblr tags reading: #The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life #they are seeing aromanticism and asexuality as the root of the problem. #They think that no having that 'special someone' in your life means it's not worth living. they're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on #When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace, I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured #about how people drift off into their bubble #about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day #and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships. #I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships. #About the conversations I can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up. #I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line #reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do. #That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about. #Not me missing out on having a romantic partner. #okay /End ID]

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

[robjectionable-content]

[ID: tags: "#The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life #they are seeing aromanticism and asexuality as the root of the problem. #They think that not having that 'special someone' in your life means it's not worth living. #they're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on #When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace, I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured #about how people drift off into their bubble #about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day #and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships. #I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships. #About the conversations I can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up. #I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line #reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do. #That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about. #Not me missing out on having a romantic partner. #okay"]

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

[gorgon-heap]

[image ID: a series of tags, written in pink text on a white background. the tags read as follows:

#The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life #they are seeing aromanticism and asexuality as the root of the problem. #They think that not having that 'special someone' in your life means it's not worth living. #they're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on #When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace, I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured #about how people drift off into their bubble #about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day #and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships. #I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships. #About the conversations I can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up. #I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line #reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do. #That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about. #Not me missing out on having a romantic partner. #okay

End Image ID.]

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

[cupcake-complains]

[Image ID: tags that read,

#The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life #they are seeing aromanticism and asexuality as the root of the problem. #They think that not having that 'special someone' in your life means it's not worth living. #they're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on

#When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace, I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured #about how people drift off into their bubble #about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day #and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships. #I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships. #About the conversations I can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up. #I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line #reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do.

#That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about. #Not me missing out on having a romantic partner. #okay

End of ID]

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

[stormcloudsonthehorizon]

I kept the tags from the original post because they're perfect.

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

[ilikeithereinsidemyhead]

#The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life#they are seeing aromanticism and asexuality as the root of the problem.#They think that not having that 'special someone' in your life means it's not worth living.#they're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on#When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace‚ I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured#about how people drift off into their bubble#about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day#and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships.#I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships.#About the conversations I can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up.#I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line#reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do.#That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about.#Not me missing out on having a romantic partner.#okay done now sorry I'm feeling gloomy#mai rambles#literally#aromantic#aroace#asexual via @arowitharrows​

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

[noromanceplease]

These tags by @arowitharrows are too good to stay hidden in the tags:

#The thing is that when other people imply that being aro and ace must condemn someone to a sad and lonely life #they are seeing aromanticism and asexuality as the root of the problem. #They think that not having that 'special someone' in your life means it's not worth living. #they're showing pity for something they think you're missing out on #When I talk about feelings of isolation caused by being aroace‚ I'm talking about the way our (western) society is structured #about how people drift off into their bubble #about how the older you get the less and less time everyone has in their day #and how your role as a friend automatically becomes lesser compared to other relationships. #I'm thinking about how certain emotional and physical connections are suddenly reserved for romantic relationships. #About the conversations I can't really participate in and I sit there awkwardly knowing they find it weird that I'm not opening up. #I'm thinking about all the times I get hit out of nowhere with a throwaway line #reminding me that people think there's something wrong with your soul if you don't love like they do. #That they think a life like yours isn't worth living. That's the kind of isolation I'm thinking about. #Not me missing out on having a romantic partner.

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"