#When I actually finish I'll write something more elaborate I promise

[naruthandir]

A sketch of Elwing wearing a traditional Veracruzan dress. I'm studying how to draw folds of fabric with mixed results but this is the best one so far

(more stuff under the cut)

So I was in a short vacation to the beach the other day (against my will) (I didn't wanna go) and it dawned on me that the typical Jarocha dress from the folkloric ballet from Veracruz looked a whole lot like a bird, the skirt wide like white wings, so very frilly and delicate, yet adecuate for the hot climate of the Caribbean coast, with all the light fabric. And I thought of Elwing, of course, the elf that turned into a bird and took flight from the shore across the sea... The thought has not left me since. Here are a few pictures for reference:

SO FRILLY!! HOW IT FLOWS!! HOW IT SPINS!! WOA!!

And the lace designs! Very intricate... So nice...

And this one is a promotional card of sorts that I thought was pretty:

Yippee!!! This is more of a chance for me to Share Things Of My Culture I Integrate With Tolkien Lore because really I just think if fits her so well!! Out of our traditional dresses, this is the most elf-like, in my opinion, with all the transparent cloth and decorations and it feels so etherial... And I wanted to show ya'll!! I'll post a finished drawing sometime in the future, but I got all exited so there. Have a post.

[unnoticed-poison]

My sister is...a fraud!!

Those two have been all over my TikTok and I couldn't resist writing a short fic for them (⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ⁠)this is also posted on AO3 and Wattpad

Part 2 of this fic is posted

_____________─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───_____________

"Listen people of Mount Rageous.."

Veneer took a deep breath as everyone's head snapped towards him, he could feel Velvet's curious gaze on his back.

He glanced at Floyd, who gave him a reassuring nod.

'𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵.' he mouthed, Veneer smiled in response and turned to face the crowd. They were all watching him with curiosity and doubts clear in their eyes from everything that happened just now, he couldn't blame them.

"My sister is....a fraud!!"

There were gasps and murmurs among the people gathered here tonight as their eyes moved to his sister, who was staring at him in complete shock, her eyes wide open in disbelief.

"I...What?!!" he winced at her outburst but continued to look straight into her surprised expression.

"Sorry sis but you brought this on yourself.." he said, as he recalled how they got in this situation in the first place.

...══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════...

"We make a good team aye little bro?" Velvet asked, tapping the perfume bottle lightly with her finger.

"Yeah..."

"After such a show I need a rest, watch him for me k?" Velvet said, throwing the bottle his way, Veneer quickly caught the bottle before it hit the floor. He looked up at her and nodded.

"Just don't lose sight of him or something okay?" she said, yawing.

"Will do Sis." he nodded as she walked away, disappearing behind a nearby alleyway.

"Veneer, please.. let me go." Floyd, who was stuck inside the bottle, pleaded, pressing his hand against the glass to get Veneer's attention.

.......

Veneer sighed. " You know I can't." he shrugged. "It's nothing personal really, I just love my sister and all my fame, and things I brought, you get it? I can't afford to lose all that you know?"

Floyd opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't say anything for a moment. Finally, his lips parted again, helplessness plain on his features as he stared at Veneer.

"Is there no other way..?"

"I'm afraid not, I can't betray my sister sorry, like I said it's nothing personal."

Silence fell between them.

Veneer couldn't deny that he felt a little guilt about what he and his sister were doing, he didn't even want to be famous at first, but Velvet was so adamant about having him join her when she started her career, and Veneer loved his sister too much to deny her anything. Even if it meant risking his reputation and his life.

Floyd suddenly broke the silence, "Wait!"

Hm?

Veneer raised a brow as he waited for the red-haired troll to continue, his eyes brightened as he stood up and pressed both his hands against the glass.

"How about we make a deal? I'll help you so you can keep being famous and you let me go, and I'll promise that I won't tell anyone about what you two did."

Veneer paused for a moment, contemplating his words. "Elaborate.."

A glint of determination sparked through Floyd's eyes as he explained. "Remember the times you practised when Velvet wasn't around?"

Oh.

"You do have some talent, albeit not much, but with a couple of months of practice.."

"What are you trying to say..?" Veneer asked, his interest peaked.

"If you would let me finish explaining first, that would be great," Floyd replied, smiling slightly, sarcasm dripping from his tone.

Veneer rolled his eyes as Floyd continued,

"The plan is simple, if you train hard for a few months, let's say two or so, you should be able to sing and dance without resorting to kidnapping and torturing more trolls like me,"

Oh..

Veneer considered for a while, he had never actually thought about this, but the idea was intriguing.

"Sure.. but what about Velvet though, you know how she is."

"You can show your sister after that how much you improved and perhaps she'll change her mind and start practising as well!"

huh.

"And if she says no?"

......

Floyd shrugged, he'll find a solution for that later. "Then we'll just have to see then, won't we?"

"Well, it's certainly worth a shot.."

Veneer said reluctantly, he still wanted to make sure his sister wouldn't hate him after this, but..he was willing to give it a try.

"So do we have a deal?" Floyd asked, looking up hopefully.

.....

"..Fine." Veneer finally gave in.

He just hoped this wouldn't end badly for him.

And thus, they began their secret singing and dancing sessions, with Floyd as his unofficial music tutor.

Whenever he and Velvet were done with their shows, he would sneak out and return to the studio to meet Floyd and practice for hours and hours until dawn.

Floyd was a wonderful teacher and helped him a lot with getting his range and flexibility right.

"Good good you're doing great! now three turns to the left then a flip! very good, just keep going like that!" Floyd exclaimed.

Veneer was panting, sweat pouring down his face as he repeated the steps over and over again until he perfected what he'd learned so far.

After practice, he'd return home before it was time for Velvet to wake up, leaving him with only 2 or 3 hours of sleep if he was lucky, so he started taking naps in between practice hours.

But there seemed to be something wrong with Velvet, her behaviour seemed to be getting...real bad, worse than ever before, he could barely catch any breaks from her, she would criticise him constantly, whenever it was about his dancing or singing, she would always find something to criticize.

'What the hell was that?'

'You call that dancing? our fans would hate that'

'How many fans do you think we can gain by making up little dances? Don't be stupid.'

'You need to do better'

'I'm starting to think you need the troll more than me'

It made him angry and upset at the same time, it frustrated him beyond belief, but thankfully Floyd was there to comfort him every time.

'How can someone treat their own sibling this way..?'

'Don't listen to her, you're doing great.'

'I just feel sorry for you.'

'I know it's none of my business, but if she truly cared about you, she wouldn't force you to do this.'

Floyd continued to chip away at Veneer's doubts, planting seeds of resentment and doubts at the back of his mind during this period.

Veneer was exhausted by the constant arguments, he didn't want to think badly of his own sister, but that last comment from the little troll made him have some doubts.

if she really cared for him, why does she treat him like an inconvenience..?

........

No no, it's not like that, maybe she's just stressed from having to keep up with the shows and fans and stuff and that was her way of relieving some of the stress, yeah that's it.

She would never intentionally hurt him, she cares about him.

Right..?

✧Sometime later✧

Velvet and Veneer smiled as they basked in the people's praises and adorations for their last performance of the evening.

Velvet smirked as she glanced at her brother. "Oh don't you just love this Veneer, the cheer and praises from our fans, It feels so good to get all that attention."

Veneer nodded, the smile he had was a little strained, "Yeah I guess..."

Once they were out of sight, her smug smile turned into a frown as she turned to him.

"By the way..."

He flinched and awaited the unavoidable criticism coming his way.

"What's wrong with you lately?! you almost made me trip when you bumped into me earlier!"

Veneer winced, after several weeks of the same routine, the lack of sleep took a toll on him and his performance during the shows, his dancing moves were a bit sloppy but his singing seemed better than ever.

"Sorry, I couldn't sleep well the last few days," he said, taking a seat on the couch to rest and catch his breath.

"Well you better find a solution to whatever is bothering you cause you're making ME look bad!" she huffed, her arms crossed and glaring at him.

Veneer nodded and rubbed his neck in thought, he was a bit nervous.

"Sis, There's something I need to talk with you about, it's important..." He began, he kept putting it off as much as he could, but he and Floyd figured that it was time, and he finally worked up the courage to talk to his sister about it.

Velevt hummed. "Out with it then."

"I was thinking that maybe we can...stop using the troll..?" he muttered, his voice too low and filled with uncertainty.

"Huh? Stop with the mumbling I can't hear shit." Velvet said, and she used the perfume bottle again, making the troll inside groan in agony.

"I don't want to use the troll anymore!"

........

Velvet paused, while the previously blue, now turned grey troll stared at him with a proud expression, a small glint of hope can be seen in his eyes.

After a few seconds of silence, they both flinched as the girl suddenly burst out laughing. "My god, this is THE funniest joke I've ever heard! you're a real comedian, brother."

"I'm not joking, this is serious."

Velvet scowled, their 'talent' had won them countless fans and everything they had ever wanted, to see her own brother have doubts now about their doings, it filled her with rage. "Why the sudden change of heart, Don't be stupid Venner, you know we can't."

"But we can practice!" He pressed on, he didn't want to go against her, and he knew Floyd was the source of their success and everything they have now, but he couldn't keep on like this either. "it might take a while but we'll finally be famous in our own right without having to resort to kidnapping anymore trolls and drain their talents, we can tell our fans that we're talking a small break so they won't suspect anything!" he added, desperation creeping into his voice trying to choose his words carefully to not make her even more mad.

He then pointed to the tired-looking troll. "I mean look at this guy, he looks rough and pale as heck, and not in a gorgeous Victorian way, I don't think we can use him for much longer anyway, and look! I can show y-" he said, about to show off the results of his hard work, but Velvet immediately interrupted him.

"Ooo so that's what this is about, I get it now."

He blinked. "You do?"

Velvet nodded, shaking the perfume bottle lightly. " You are worried about what are we gonna do after this one kicks the bucket, huh."

"What? no, I-"

"Well, I have a surprise for you little bro," she said, before turning to their assistant, who was standing in the corner. " Crimp!"

The little creature jumped slightly startled. "Y-yes?"

"Do you have the thing ready?" she asked.

"What thing? oh, you mean THAT thing! Of course one second I'll bring it in right away!" she said, running off as fast as she possibly could, leaving the two siblings behind.

"What was that about...?" Veneer muttered, he had a bad feeling about this.

Velvet grinned as she walked over to the closet nearby. "No need to worry, I have already got this covered, look!"

"What do you mean- What the hell!?" he yelled out in shock as she pulled out a small cage.

"We can't let our career get ruined just cause one pesky troll died, can we?" she said with a wicked grin on her face.

"You let us go right this second you little brat!!"

"John?!" Floyd yelled out, staring at his brothers in shock and horror, "Spruce, Clay? how did you all get captured?!"

"It's a long story."

"All of you shut it." Velvet hissed as she shook the cage angrily, causing the trolls inside to stumble back and cry out in pain.

Veneer was stunned.

"You captured more trolls..?"

Velvet looked proud of herself. " Yes, aren't I so great and thoughtful? there's more than enough for the two of us, we don't have to worry about losing our 'talent' anytime soon, now where the hell is Crimp?"

"I'm here!" Crimp called out as she ran back in, this time with two tops with huge shoulder pads.

Velvet nodded, before walking over and putting each of the struggling trolls into the empty spaces.

"Velvet... What is this?"

"Oh, this? we just have to press this little button here and voilà!" she said as she pressed the button, causing the trolls to groan in pain as they felt their talent being sucked while Crimp and Veneer watched in horror.

"You're smart Crimp, I'll give you that, but unfortunately..." she suddenly grabbed the wig and walked over to the closed, "I can't trust you anymore, so you'll stay here until we get a new assistant."

"Wait please no-!" Crimp yelped as she was roughly thrown inside the closet before it was closed.

Fuck, this couldn't be happening...

"Please sis, we can't be doing this! it's too cruel, how about we practice like I sugges-"

"Oh my dear stupid brother, I have already said that I DON'T want to work to be famous, and nothing will EVER change my mind, besides, if those little things escape and expose us we'll be done for," she said, walking over to him and glared at him, making him take a few steps back until his back hit the wall. "So, If you ever think of doing something stupid, just remember that you'll end up in jail just like me, and believe me when I say I'll make you regret it, got it?"

She then scowled, looking down at the trolls, to her, those annoying little creatures were nothing more than power resources. "As for you, don't worry, you won't be alone for long, even more of you will be joining you soon enough." Velvet hissed.

"Now make sure to take a long rest tonight, we have a big show tomorrow night, and you better not miss it up like today." she patted his head with a small mocking smile "And remember, you're 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 without me, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have all this fame and money, and don't you forget it."

She then left before Venner could respond, leaving him staring after her in shock. The whole situation was getting out of control, and he knew better than anyone how dangerous she was.

He felt his knees give up as he slumped to the ground.

What was he going to do?

Floyd, who noticed the state he was in, turned to his brothers and placed his finger on his lips, signalling them to be quiet while he dealt with the situation.

they were confused, they raised an eyebrow at him but decided to keep quiet and wait to see what he was going to do.

Veneer lifted his head as he heard Floyd speak up. " Are you really gonna let her treat you this way..?" his voice was laced with concern. "family don't treat each other like this."

"I don't know anymore..."

Fuck.

Floyd cursed in his heart, all his actions and words those past 2 months were to stir up conflict between the twins, creating a rift between them in Veneer's heart just in case the girl refused to change her ways like now, he could see that he still cares about her a little bit, which made him panic, he needed to find a way to change his mind, and quick, or else he and his brothers are done for.

He just needed a little push.

" Look, Veneer, I know this situation is difficult for you, you care for your sister and want the best for her, but can't you see that she's using you?"

Hurt shone in the youth's eyes as Floyd continued. "She doesn't treat you as an equal, you're nothing but a pawn to her, she's only using you for her own benefits, and you're letting her do as she pleases, she doesn't care about you like you think she does, do you want to spend the rest of your life being controlled by someone who doesn't even respect you?"

He then delivered the final blow. "Is that what you truly want?"

Veneer felt a lump form in his throat, he wanted to deny what Floyd was saying, but a small part of him knew that it was true, he had been so caught up in trying to improve and prove himself to his sister that he was been ignoring the way she's been treating him, shrugging it off as her being stressed.

.......

He really couldn't deny it anymore, huh...

"Maybe you're right..." He finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. "but I guess it doesn't matter what I think now, what else can I do? I still need to do whatever she says, If I let you guys go now, both of us will go to prison for tax fraud and other crimes, I have no choice in the matter."

"Wait." he suddenly said.

The green-haired boy groaned. "What now?"

There was a dangerous glint in the troll's eyes as he gave him a small smile." I think I know how to get you out of this situation scot-free."

"How..?"

"In order for this to work, I'll need your full cooperation and trust, it's not gonna be an easy thing for you, do you understand?"

The boy paused for a moment, considering his words, finally he nodded his head. " Yes, I understand, please tell me what to do."

Floyd nodded his head in approval. "Good, now first things first, let Crimp out."

Veneer did as he was told, he took the wig out, who was shaking in fear. " I swear I won't tell any-"

"Relax, we just need your help."

Crimp gulped, nodding her head, not daring to say anything else.

Floyd coughed as everyone gathered." now that everyone is here, what we need to do is..."

...══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════...

And so here they are now, in the middle of the stage, surrounded by their fans and the now-free trolls.

Veneer tried to ignore Velvet's shocked and furious glare as he spoke again. "She wanted to be famous by all means necessary, though she lacked talent, so she kidnapped the trolls and forced both me and our assistant to cooperate with her, we had no choice but to play along and obey her orders."

Veneer looked around the stand as he said this, seeing all their faces filled with confusion and disbelief.

"What the hell do you think you're doi-" Velvet began but interrupted as Crimp jumped on her head before jumping again and landing beside him, she pushed up her glasses. "And I have the proof!" she said, pressing the button as the large TV showed yesterday's event, with Velvet shaking the cage containing the trolls and threatening him to keep quiet.

"Oh my god.."

"It's true then!"

"What a monster.."

"Those poor little creatures.."

Suddenly a loud screech startled them, Veneer gasped as Velvet jumped at him, wrapping her hands around his neck, squeezing tightly.

Velvet had mascara running down her cheeks from the tears as she growled. " YOU LITTLE BASTARD! HOW CAN YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS? YOU'RE IN THIS JUST LIKE ME! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY FUCKING SIDE!! HOW COULD YOU!"

The boy struggled to breathe, trying to hold Velvet off as she kept screaming insults at him.

Ritz, the DJ who interviews them regularly tried to get her off him but was punched in the face, making him stumble back and fall to the ground in pain.

One of the security guards immediately rushed in and tackled her off of him, dragging her away.

"You're coming with us miss," he said as the girl struggled furiously, causing him to tighten his grip around her arm and drag her out.

"Let's me go!! Veneer!!"

Veneer coughed as he tried to catch his breath, his hand touched his neck, which was now bruised and full of bloody nail marks.

"Are you okay?" Ritz asked.

"Yeah.. you?"

The DJ nodded as he held his broken nose. "Yeah, but damn that girl is strong, I can't feel my nose, gotta get that checked right away, bye!"

Veneer nodded as the guy rushed off, he suddenly felt a hand on his foot and looked down, seeing Floyd looking up at him with a proud smile. " You alright?"

Veneer smiled at him weakly, rubbing his neck. "I think so..."

"I know it wasn't easy for you, but you did the right thing," he said quietly, giving him a reassuring pat, watching Velvet getting dragged by the security guards, with her still hurling insults their way.

His plan worked better than he expected, now he and his brothers are free, and he got revenge on one of those two.

Veneer couldn't help but feel a sense of relief wash over him. " I guess.."

Huh.

This is strange..

He doesn't feel as sad as he thought he would.

Maybe this is a good thing.

══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════

"Look there she is..."

"She still has the nerve to act like she's something."

"What a bitch."

The two girls flinched as Velvet turned her head in their direction, her eyes holding a cold anger behind them.

"If you have something to say say it to my face, got it?" she hissed, glaring daggers at them, they both quickly backed down and ran off.

Velvet scoffed. "That's what I thought."

She grabbed a tray and went to grab some food, she almost gagged at the smell, the food here was absolutely vile and awful.

And this.. thing, this dark brown prison outfit was so uncomfortable and looked horrible on her.

She thought, taking a seat at an empty table and grabbing her fork.

"And now our time for our rising star, Let's have a round of applause for Veneer!!"

What..!

Her head immediately snapped towards the TV that was hanging on the wall to her left.

She could see Veneer smiling and waving at the camera as the fans cheered for him, she felt sick, a mixture of anger and jealousy consumed her as she watched him perform on stage without the help of any trolls, she couldn't believe it, and she hated to admit, but he was amazing at it.

The feeling of injustice and anger was becoming too much to bear, and the sight of him singing and dancing so confidently, only served to remind her of everything she had lost, her wealth, glory, fans, and her position as a rising star in the industry.

When did he suddenly get good at singing?! he was just as bad as her a few months ago!

This wasn't fair.

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘦!

𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰-

Oo I see what this is about-

Wait..

Is 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 what he was trying to show her back then?

Was he practising behind her back..?

Is this why his movement was a bit sloppy during those few times..

𝘚𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴..

His lack of sleep...

So that's why he had a sudden change of heart... he didn't need any trolls to begin with!

She growled, her thumb pressing on the fork until it bent under her pressure.

This wasn't fair, if he tried harder to show her back then she wouldn't be rotting in this damn prison in the first place, she would've been standing beside him, basking in the glory and fame that she know they deserved!

This wasn't fair..

This wasn't fair!

THIS WASN'T FAIR!!!

"Do you have anything you want to share with your fans?" kid Ritz asked him, handing him the microphone.

Veneer let out a nervous chuckle, his smile not reaching his eyes. "Well, I kind of miss my sister to be honest with you, I..tried to change her mind multiple times, I didn't want to do this to her, believe me, I wish things were different, but she...refused to listen, I wanted us both to be here today since we've always been there for each other, but..you know.."

He sighed. " I just want her to know that I still care about her deep down, and I hope that one day...we can get back to the way we used to."

.........

After a few minutes of silence, she finally let out a sob, her grip on the fork loosened, before slipping out of her hand and onto the floor.

'This isn't fair...'

_____________─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───_____________

Kinda want to write more for those two and others ngl (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

[zannolin]

fic author q&a

tagged by @beautyofsorrow <3

why do you write fanfic?

short answer, because i love it and it makes me happy. longer answer, still that. but it makes other people happy too, sometimes, and especially as i am often writing for nicher series/pairings/dynamics/etc, i love knowing that someday if anyone else likes this obscure silly thing, they can go looking for fic about it and mine will be there waiting for them. also i am immensely unhappy when i'm not writing. i don't think i could live without it. and writing fanfic is fulfilling to me in a way that original work often is not, largely because of the community aspect and the low pressure for it to be marketable or revised or support me as a person or an artist tbh.

which of your posted stories do you think of the most even though the story is "finished"?

mmm tough call. the fey au in the sense that it's the world and plot i am proudest of craft-wise. i worked really hard and i think you can see that it paid off. but other than that i think... i think it might have to be please don't hold me to it right now. because i did it just how i wanted. in a way it's like what my boys in bars series was trying to be but didn't quite reach on the friendship level i think.

if you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

just let yourself write what you want, how you want. you can have flowery prose. you can be weird and vague and metaphorical. you can just write about friends, i promise. and stop looking at your fucking stats.

what's your relationship to fic stats?

well. i think above answers that one lol. i've blocked my ao3 stats. i cannot see hit or kudos or bookmark counts on ANY fics. + i've gotten much better about not expecting anything especially by writing highly niche stuff.

is there a pairing or scenario or friendship that you miss writing? if so, why? if not, why not?

ehhh. the shazamily, to an extent. the shazam fandom is lovely because so many of us are writing family/friendship centric works and that's if not the norm, at least MUCH more common than in other fandoms that i've been in, and i miss that because at heart, i'm a genficcer. i'm a friendshipper. i love platonic and ambiguous relationships so much. so i miss that, but for the most part, i'm actually okay with not writing anything i used to write. that's okay.

what motivates you to write?

i WILL lose my mind if i don't. i can't even elaborate past that like i'll just go bonkers.

why do you write for the fandom(s) you write for?

because i am sick and ill and dying from brainrot and nobody is writing the highly specific content that i crave in the way that i crave it. sometimes there's nothing for the fandom at all, and SOMEBODY's gotta be the change. mostly i'm just like hyperfixated and losing it.

if you're stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

take a break. do other things like jigsaw puzzles and taking walks and reading books. listening to phoebe bridgers on my floor. the usual. it'll pass. the ideas will come when they're ready.

what do you wish people knew about comments?

a genuine comment is never a bother. NEVER. no author that i have ever met is going to be upset at you for commenting on a fic and saying hey i really loved this!!! or something like that. no matter how old that fic is. no matter if the author has moved on, or put it on anon, or hasn't written fanfiction in years. it is never, ever a bother. when i get a comment on a fic that i didn't JUST post, i rejoice. i lie on my floor and i think about how incredible it is that people are still finding, reading, and loving something that i wrote, no matter how bad i think it is now that i've grown into a different person. i have coasted for WEEKS on the fact that someone left me a comment saying i loved this and here's my favorite part. here's why. this made me cry. this made me smile. this reminded me of my best friend. this is how it feels, really, you got it. any of that. all of it. sometimes a fic is me going "is this crazy??" and a comment is someone saying "no, no, it's not, i see it". a comment that takes like two minutes to type can matter for two years just by being like, hey, this mattered to me. plus like 90% of my friendships online have been founded on the basis of commenting on fanfic so you know, rave reviews from me.

maybe there's a question you wish had been on here. what's that question (and answer)? -> is there a fic and/or author who is doing what you want to be doing with your own writing? who/what?

i can yap all day about inspirations but lately, i am haunted by love me on purpose by smoosnoom in terms of themes, emotions, and pure aching; @thcscus in sheer technicality and prose; the pacing, metaphor, and tone in there's daggers in men's smiles, @beautyofsorrow's sensory work in literally Every fic ever + her fic for the barbie zine none of you losers get to read yet; and @blusandbirds' ability to capture visceral emotion so damn vividly and succinctly.

tagging @blusandbirds @transjlawrence @lordgrimwing @pinkgrapefloyd!

[four-color-words]

Bailey Adler - An Intro

((Notice: I wrote this while extremely goddamn sleepy, so if I need to elaborate or make something clearer or whatever, lemme know and I'll try my best after I get some sleep))

So, I try pretty hard to keep this sideblog restricted to canon-only stuff. But if I'm gonna start talking about my silly little fanfic on here, I ought to talk about the oc it centers around

Takeoff is the first arc of Bailey's story, and serves as her origin. The front half of it, I like to imagine, takes place in the background of a Flash comic. The back half of it, which I'm currently writing, is a backup or secondary story. Bailey's theoretical solo wouldn't start until she takes up the Golden Eagle mantle, passed down from Charley.

(fun fact: I came up with her around eight years ago, and she's actually what led me to learning about Charley -- but I decided it would be more fun (and achievable) to try and explain how and why Bales was inheriting a mantle, than trying to come up with a new, unused name for her)

Bailey's a complicated character, and it's hard to summarize all the stuff she's got going on. She's very emotionally-driven, and she wears her big bleeding heart on her sleeve. She doesn't exactly like this about herself, but she's been trying and failing to change this for two decades; it's in her nature. And, really, it's the fact that her emotions do run so deep and strong that leads to her becoming a superhero.

Bailey grew up in a small Oklahoma town, and as far as she's concerned, the less she has to talk about that, the better. She moved to Central City to try and not only start a new life, but to forget her old one. Helping her best friend with the rent was a bonus.

Unfortunately, the past won't let Bailey just walk away. Bailey lands a job at a local museum -- no, not that one -- just in time for a haunted suit of armor, a cold case disappearance, and a whole lot of mystery to cross her path. As secrets start to rise to the surface, Bailey finds her own family history might just be tangled up in this web. And untangling it all might mean facing the parts of her past -- and her relationship with her mother's side of the family -- that she really doesn't want to.

Bailey discovers her great-grandmother, Rachel Faulkner, was born Rashel Tavros, of Thanagar. And while this does explain a few things about Bailey's own life -- in particular, why she's always been stronger and tougher than she wants to admit, and why she's always overestimated other people's vision and hearing -- it also leaves her with a lot of questions, and a sense of duty she can't quite shake. She's forced to acknowledge that she's not a normal human. She has gifts and abilities that set her apart from the rest of the populace. She has power -- and we can all finish the old adage.

But she also made promises to her father and sister that, on some level, she feels like she's breaking if she starts being a superhero. Reconciling that and dealing with the guilt, however, are just things she's going to have to do. She does inherit the Golden Eagle mantle from Charley, though I won't say exactly how or why until after Takeoff's finale gets published. (because otherwise I'm not gonna ever write it)

A lot of Bailey's character and story revolve around the ideas of breaking out of cycles of abuse and neglect, what really defines a family, and a whole lot of stuff I'm struggling to put into words.

But while Bailey has, like, so much angst and emotional turmoil, she's also just a big ol' goober. She talks to random pigeons and sings along to the radio while she does chores. She gives her friends stupid nicknames as a form of affection. She offers the neighbor kid cookies because she baked too many at three am, and then realizes how fucking weird that is as a complete stranger. She flirts with people and then freezes like a deer in the headlights when they flirt back. She spent the first twenty-ish years of her life dreaming of being Space Indianna Jones. She's a history and literature nerd, and she will infodump at you about the similarities between art movements across three different planets.

She's a giant dork, and I love her

[guardiandae]

Tagged by the wonderful @rayadraws!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 70

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

710,529

3. What fandoms do you write for?

One Punch Man, Marvel. Formerly BTVS.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

" - 2,391 kudos "Natural" - 2,448 kudos "5+7" - 3,341 kudos "Milkyway" - 4,601 kudos "Salvaged" - 6,567

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Oh yes! But i have a habit that tends to backfire on me... I'll respond to all comments for a while and then after a couple weeks I'll stop responding because I want to finish a chapter first.... this is fine except sometimes by the time I let myself respond to all those old comments it's been like.... 5 years. LOL. But I really do like to reply to every single one.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The Distance Between Us

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Sugar & Spice

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Lmfao. Surprisingly rarely! I've maybe gotten two actual hate comments on my more spicy account. I've gotten more hate comments for making Saitama transmasc, but not by much. But like... I didn't make him transmasc anyway, it just happened. But yeah if people are whiny little bitches and I just roast them and then delete their comment because that doesn't fly for me, especially the transphobic weirdos.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell yeah. Ummm I like it when the weiners touch 👉👈

Actually lemme see. On my main account, my top tags are kind of all over the place. Mainly fluffy stuff, dirty talk. On my secret second account we'll get better results.... Watersports/Urination - obviously. Anal sex - duh, but boring. Dubious consent - spicy. Felching - MM. 🙏 Male lactation - MILK. HIM. 💦

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Only "Now Recruiting", which still gets a lot of love tbh. It's about the Avengers trying to recruit Saitama, which isn't too crazy. Fun though!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

WOOF. I hope not. The sites that scrape fics are scary.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Oh yeah 💜 I love my international fans, and I always say yes when someone asks to translate. I just ask that they remember to link up with mine!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

My memory is bad but I really don't think so. I don't play well with others >.< Also why I have turned down RP requests every time.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Wade/Nate. It might have hibernated for years, but it came back with a vengeance when it came back. But any ship I've written for, it's gotta be a hyperfixation for me, so I promise I love them all.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

[Redacted]. But I'm not sure it's that I never will - it's that I think I overshot my ending and I actually need to hack it back a little and just end the fic. The way I kept going, it would've added another small arc to the fic that made it end on a sad note. And That, I'd probably never finish. The fic is old enough though that even thinking about opening it up to do that makes me cringe.

Secondary: Salvaged. But don't panic! It's not that I'll never finish it, it's that I will but still not any time soon. ;; It'll be a lot of work to open it up again and finish it. I wanna finish some other projects first, including new ones (oops). But I don't feel 'cringe' about opening it again. Just a loooottt of files to sift through.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm told my dialogue is amazing. I think it's because I enjoy practicing the lines, over and over again, and pacing everything out to make sure it sounds like something the character would actually say, and somewhat flow in real time.

I'm also quite lucky at being able to have details fall into place in really interesting ways. So that thing that seems elaborately planned out, who knows, lol. It's sort of half elaborately planned and half happy coincidence.

People also tell me that I manage to capture their imagination and especially their emotions. 🫶

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing. Haha. I'll either catch stage fright if something gets really popular (especially if there's a sex scene, oop) or I'll get bogged down with things needing to be perfect, or a secret third thing - I get really attached and don't want to end the AU because then I worry I'll forget it exists.

Memory problems. Returning to a fic is harder because even after a month I don't remember what happened. And if I'm going without writing for any period of time I feel like I forget who I am as a writer completely. Sometimes I really can't understand who wrote a fic of mine, because it doesn't feel like it was me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Ummmmm I do this very sparingly because I know that google translate is very flawed and I'm not fluent in any other language. Sometimes a little bit of french or spanish has been appropriate for a Deadpool fic, but not full dialogue.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Buffy The Vampire Slayer <3 I didn't include that in my fic count tho.... I don't dare go back to That Place, even just to look (FF.net)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I'm gonna have to break it up by ship otherwise this ain't even fair--

"Hello, Handsome" - Cablepool - it's just soooo creative and fun! and COMPLETE! "5+7" - Genosai - another really fun one, emotional ups and downs but ultimately soooo fluffy and nice and one of those fics that changed my life. Almost done! "Yours" - Skirth/Agony - a rare f/f pairing but I really enjoyed writing them <333 COMPLETE "Milkyway" - Eddie/Symbiote - can something be a fluffy family fic AND really dirty filthy kinky at the same time? Apparently, somehow. COMPLETE.

Tagging @aeriamamaduck @pohjanneito and @theomnicode!

[wishmemel]

Heyy! I saw your ask a fanfic writer post so I hope you don't mind me participating :D

5, 17, 19, 20, 39, 42, 45, & 64

[ I would've asked more, but I don't want to overwhelm you w a bunch of asks 😭]

hi hi i appreciate you going out of your way to ask ! thank u sm for this as i’ve never gotten a chance to participate in one of these before > <

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

when it comes to playlists, i make them for my own OCs - not really for fics that i've written ! (but i have a playlist for satoru that is... still a work in progress. i'll totally share once i feel like i'm actually getting somewhere > <)

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

this is such a good question omg - had to scroll through all my unpublished wips for this, but my favourite line at the moment would be:

"IS A STORY DEEMED A TRAGEDY IF YOU TAKE BACK WHAT WAS YOURS (you can raise the dead, climb through hell, and fight the devil if you must; even the gods won’t interfere when they see a wrath like yours, harbinger. fear not, child of stars, lady midnight, the gods need not your wrath to bring about your damnation.)"

hehe this is from one of those never-ending fics that i keep in my drafts and finish two years later cause why not !

19. what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?

rick riordan honestly altered my brain chemistry as a child. he was my favourite author for so long which is why i was a little disappointed when i grew up and read about all the cultural stereotypes in his writing :( aside from him, i know this is controversial, but i really like sarah j. maas's writing style for some reason? she focuses a lot on characters, rather than plot, and i tend to do the same, but overall i just enjoy her silly writing.

20. what is your favorite trope to write?

ahh this is such a hard one to choose from, but if i'm being honest i'm always a sucker for two characters in a relationship arguing and being really hurtful towards each other, and then later making up and being so so soft. idk if it counts as a trope, but i have countless wips of this ^.^

39. are you an avid reader?

yes ! ever since childhood ! i used to be a really shy kid and would always read while the teacher was talking until i was told multiple times to put my book away > < i'm more social now and usually only read during breaks when i don't have school to worry about !

42. describe the aesthetic of a story in 5 words.

this question confuses me a little, honestly... like one of my stories? a story i like? i'm so confused > <

since it's not very specific, i'm going to do it based off of this: JJK Men Tropes, if that's okay !

Suguru Version (cause i've been thinking of @mambalae-s recently and i'm always reminded of her love for Suguru): imprints, confessions, promises, childhood, and forever !

45. name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

it's been a while since i've read fanfic and this is more than three, i'm sorry > <

@tawus, @/beaubcxton on ao3, @/impxria on ao3, @edendaphne, and @/xoxodee on ao3 !

64. what is your favourite title for a fic you’ve read? 

honestly, any taylor swift lyrics, but also you don't even know me at all (but i was made for loving you), and What Shall I Swear By? (Swear By Yourself, and I’ll Believe You), and Say It Later, Say It Now, and i put this heavy heart in you (it's not your fault) !

i find them all so so poetic and heart-wrenching !

ask game - come say hi (i promise i don't bite ^.^)

[rain-fluff]

Journal Six

Everytime I sit myself down to write in these journal entries, I can't help but feel like Roxas from in 358/2 days; the wee lad had only come into existence for about a week and you expect him to just journal his feelings out when he doesn't even understand the concept of emotions until much later in the game. I'm aware I'm not some playable character in some JRPG but that doesn't mean I can't relate to his lack of experience when it comes to journalling. Well, not that I had zero experience prior to this course assignment but it's not like I ever bothered to even make it a habit! I don't really write down what I do because most of the time I'm relatively super unproductive doomscrolling my social medias.

Well, to say I was super unproductive is also a stretch because this week was the week I decided to finish and start my overdue art commissions which I will not share because A. I like the animosity of my "professional" art account and B. One of the commissions is probably something I should not disclose to the public willy-nilly on an account where my IRL friends can also identify me very easily (no, I will not elaborate on the content and if anything you can thank me for shielding your eyes of the horrors I get paid to draw).

I'm pretty proud of the work so far though, it feels like I've improved just a little bit more anatomy-wise and I should really get around to downloading different brushes online instead of relying on the default ones that IbisPaint has to offer. The defaults aren't bad per say, I just want to more variety that I'm comfortable using with. I'm also happy to hear that my clients are happy with my finished results/sketches and bless their patience because my slow ass could do better with my time management for this work. There's also another potential client I may have with a friend of a friend but I promised to finish my current ones before I could continue theirs.

What else have I done this week that doesn't make me look like a horrendous and chronically-online nerd? Not that it matters since many are aware I am one but it's not exactly something I'm 100% proud of either. I used to have complex but embraced being a nerd but now I feel like I should mask myself around certain folks when I joined my current uni. There's something about the environment that makes me want to shield myself from exposing too much. I do have friends from the uni that I can open up to but the level of comfort isn't necessarily on par with the comfort with my more introverted or high school friends.

Speaking of high school friends, One Ok Rock had recently released their vlog for their performance in KL last year and I could see my friends silhouette in the background of one the interviews they had with some of the concert-goers. I was kinda envious of those being interviewed but at the same time I also feel glad I'm not blasted on the official YouTube channel for thousands to see.

I still can't help but reminisce going to the concert though. There were some hiccups that I wish I hadn't started but the night itself was an experience I'll cherish just as much as when I went to see them the first time back in 2013. I also wish I had photos from the 2013 concert but alas the event organisers actually threatened the audience to shut down the whole performance if anyone was caught recording. I'll cherish my personal photos and clips of the 2023 concert where I can. It took a huge chunk of my Google storage though and I should really move them to hard drive when I can.

While we're on the topic of concerts, Final Fantasy has just announced today for their orchestra tour plans for Final Fantasy VII's soundtrack. Exciting right? It's not so exciting when you learn that's it's one of those occasions where they skip over Malaysia just to perform in Singapore instead. Tickets don't actually go on sale until sometime in May but I highly doubt I'll be able to save up enough for the entire logistics of staying in Singapore and purchasing the concert tickets themselves.

They used to come to Malaysia pre-covid so I'm both surprised and really dissapointed that they decided to skip over this time around. I really would've liked to hear One-Winged Angel live. For now I'll just settle to listening to the recorded versions online. I'm finally getting tired. It's 2:30 a.m. and I should get some shut eye where I can.

-rain

[yuexuan]

Just finished re-reading this and jotting some thoughts down for future self (if I ever get energy to write a more detailed analysis): **contains spoiler**

The worldbuilding is similar to Little Mushroom (LM), but the ways the stories unfold are very different. LM is more plot-driven, whereas How to Feed an Abyss (HFA) focuses more on the different instances of human life. This is directly reflected in the novel where Shi Yuan wants to learn about the humans' and monsters' stories, which leads to Lu Tinghan's lovely confession: "I want to become part of your story".

It's also reflected in the writing as well. HFA has a more elaborate writing, often focusing on describing the details of the setting. God do I wish LM manhwa artist will draw HFA too, the scenes would be absolutely stunning.

There is something unique about the protagonist being an observer to everyone around him rather than...well, the protagonist. It breaks the mold of what it means to be a protagonist, but somehow it works in the context of HFA and LM.

I really love the way that not everyone's stories have a clear end. In fact, most people's stories end at the highlight of their life. We never knew what happened to the soldier dancing on the tower with his cardboard lover and fallen comrades. We can deduce that he died thereafter, but the last scene we saw of him was his beautiful waltz in the sunset. Same goes for Alice and her older brother. We can deduce that Alice's mind failed, but we were left with the last scene of the two of them walking, hand-in-hand, to see the lost summer's fireworks. A note to self on writing angst: It's actually more angsty to see a character's end at the peak of their life, than to elaborate on their death. This is reminding me of the lyrics from 'Zhe Zi Xi': 摺子戲不過是全劇的幾分之一, 通常不會上演開始和結局, 正是多了一種殘缺不全的魅力 ('The Zhezi Performance is but a fraction of the entire play; it doesn't usually show the start or end, but because of that, there is something beautiful in the incompleteness'). The fact that HFA also has a lot of mentions to play and performance makes this so much more relevant.

Unfortunately that also makes the ending of HFA less satisfying. I really wish that the story had ended with Lu Tinghan's death and an ambiguous promise of returning, rather than this strange twist where he is somehow alive again (like how did he even come back to life and came out of Abyss 1???). It would have fitted the whole 'character's life ending at the peak' narrative better - Lu Tinghan ending his life after dedicating his everything to collect data regarding the Abyss' signal, but never seeing the fruits of his work: the prosperity of humankind. The only way I'll accept the ending is if this was Shi Yuan's dream (similar to how Lu Tinghan had an illusion of their happily ever after).

Extended angst note to self: Focus on the sharp contrast between good and bad. Notable moments where this worked in HFA: We followed the Federation's extensive efforts to complete the 'Faraway' and 'Echo' missions for multiple chapters, and all hopes were high, only to be shattered when both missions failed. Second instance was when the residents of Feng Yang City bid their farewell to their deceased loved ones. There was this beautiful but ephemeral scene of the jellyfish and the Forest Deer returning, resembling the return of the heroes' soul, only to be contrasted with the destruction and abandonment of the city the next day. Final instance that comes to mind is Dr. Lin when he finally received the words of his loved one during a stormy night, which was contrasted by the fact that his loved one was already dead, and that they were under attack from a group of mutants. It hurts, but still grants that small closure to the readers :'D

I can dedicate a whole essay to the symbolism of flowers in HFA and the irony whenever the narrative / characters say that time is not on their side. E.g. the juxtaposition of flowers as hope and an undying love versus [mutated] flowers as death and destruction; the parallelism between flowers being used to witness two people's blossoming relationships (i.e., Shi Yuan x Lu Tinghan and Lu Huai x Yu Qingmei); the irony of the Rose Theatre Group receiving flowers for a good performance, only to be consumed by mutated flowers; the symbol of flowers as a way home etc. etc.

[Review]如何投喂一只深渊!

Title: 如何投喂一只深渊! How to Feed an Abyss!

Author: 江为竭

Length: 124 chapters + 12 extras

Tag: apocalyptic, sci-fi, slice of life, romance

Summary [taken from novelupdates]:

【if you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you】

The abyss, the most feared thing by the human race today. The animals infected by the abyss mutate into monsters, and humans are reduced to walking corpses.

Lu Tinghan is an abyss watcher. He has been guarding the world’s most terrifying abyss for ten years.

This abyss is not only scary, but also strange.

Throw the garbage down, after a few days, the garbage will be buried safely next to the abyss – like someone took a shovel and tossed it all night to bury them.

Throw hazardous waste down, after a few days, the waste will be thrown back with unbridled fury.

Lu Tinghan: ?

Ten years later, he left the post and became the youngest general in the Alliance.

The next day, the abyss was also gone.

——The whole thing disappeared and turned into flat land.

The whole world was shocked.

Until one day, there was a knock on Lu Tinghan’s door.

A boy with little devil horns stood outside the door, with delicate features and bright eyes. Obviously, he was scared to death, but he still plucked up the courage to say: “Hello, I, I am Abyss, can you continue to stare at me? QAQ”

He added: “I have helped you bury the garbage every day, oh!”

During their long time together, Lu Tinghan learned two things:

1. Staring at your abyss every day, the abyss will be happy

2. When the abyss is happy, it will purr toward you

Novel

Comments *contains spoilers**

If I have to describe it, this novel has stories centered around individual characters like Link Click S1, but set in a Little Mushroom-esque apocalyptic world. A bit more about the premise of the story: the appearance of abysses around the world had resulted in the contamination and mutation of wildlife and humans. Surrounded by monsters, the people within the Federation were largely constrained to a handful of cities. Yet time and time again, the cities were lost to an onslaught of monsters, particularly during peak periods of the abysses’s activities. 

There was, however, one special abyss - Abyss 0, which had the strongest and most feared potential for contamination, but which had thus far not contaminated anything. One day, Abyss 0 simply disappeared…only to reappear as a young man in search of the Federation’s general - Lu Tinghan (ML). All Abyss 0 - also known as Shi Yuan (MC) - wanted was to find his human again and have the general stare at him. But in the course of doing so, he gradually learned more about humankind and fell in love with them.

For those of you that like Little Mushroom’s world-building, this novel is likely a treat for you since it shares many similarities. Examples include the setup of a monster coming from the barren lands into a human city, a monster x military main couple, the utilization of famous quotes (e.g. “Do not go into that gentle night” vs “if you stare at an abyss, the abyss stares back at you”), the existence of protestors against the ML, monsters attacking from underground causing the eventual fall of the city, and the overall desperation for survival. Need I say more? :3

Highlights

In a way, this novel feels like an ode to humanity. It highlights many tragic, but nevertheless hopeful, stories of humanity’s struggles in an apocalyptic world. In fact, many scenes evoke the beauty of humanity: From the lone deserted soldier dancing with his cardboard lover in the setting sun, to the theatre group performing despite an ever diminishing audience, to the people hiding in the underground bunker witnessing the blooming of the Federation’s flower. At every corner, people nevertheless try to make the most out of their daily lives despite the dangers surrounding them and honestly, I can see why Shi Yuan eventually fell in love with humankind.

There is also a nice blend of humor to balance out the dark tones of the novel. Shi Yuan’s naivety regarding human culture lends opportunities to make jokes in the most unsuspecting moments. For example, he was tricked into believing that ‘1’ meant people that are very powerful, thus he went about telling others that he was searching for his ‘1’, much to the other’s shock and chagrin. 

Structure-wise, I really like how the theatre group’s performance at the start was used as foreshadowing for Shi Yuan and Lu Tinghan’s roles in the novel. Over and over, we are reminded of this performance in Shi Yuan’s dreams, where he stood on stage in front of all the monsters. It’s a recurring element that helps to keep the narrative focused on the ultimate ending.

In terms of pacing, it can be slow in terms of revealing Shi Yuan’s identity as an Abyss. However, the sub-stories focusing on different characters help to ease off some of the wait by directing my attention away from the imminent reveal. When the reveal finally came, I like how mellow it is with how quickly Lu Tinghan adapts to the situation. 

Of course, as a sucker for worldbuilding, this story just hits in the right spots. I cannot emphasize how much I love that each Abyss has their own contamination characteristic, and how each city has their own industry focus. There is a city in charge of growing most of the food crop, another in charge of fabric production, and another with electric production. It does seem like putting all the eggs in one basket (i.e. one city going down = shortage in certain products), but at the same time specializing the cities ensures a steady supply for all population. Also, the way that the author describes so many scenes so vividly and beautifully - ugh. I just want to draw all these scenes.

As a final note…a few tissues on standby might be a good move. I find myself tearing up every so often during the novel :’) Just so, so many touching or tragic scenes.

Things I don’t like

If there is one thing I can nitpick about, it is the ending - specifically the last chapter. It seems superfluous in the grand scheme of things and an attempt made by the author to force a happy ending. Personally, I would have been fine with the penultimate chapter where Lu Tinghan eventually passed away after working from the bottom of the abyss for multiple years. It makes for a bittersweet and honorable ending, instead of the ambiguous final chapter where Lu Tinghan is somehow alive again. I can only assume that Shi Yuan used his abilities to reverse time, but without clearer explanations, it leaves one more confused than satisfied.

[lostinfantasyworlds]

Hi! First of all, I just wanna say that UNTL is definitely one of my best reads this year. Thank you for sharing that masterpiece.

What should we look forward to next year? Any WIPs?

Omgggg I am so honored sldkfja;sd thank you so so so much 🥺😭 ❤️I just —

I do have a few WIPs and I will give little summaries of each under the cut!! They are in order of when I will most likely finish them)

 Under the Northern Lights post-canon PWP oneshot - I’ve had all kinds of little snippets pop into my head of Inuyasha and Kagome’s lives together within the UTNL universe, and I always write them down. Most of them are smutty because I can’t seem to help myself hahahaha. This one is the most fully-formed idea that I had a few months ago, and wrote down a whole rough draft in my phone. It actually takes place on New Year’s Eve, which is why I was hoping to have finished UTNL well before the end of the year so that I could have posted this follow up oneshot on/around NYE, but OH WELL. It’s mostly just porn anyways, but includes a tiny hint of plot that actually ties in with the epilogue! (you will see a reference to “New Year’s” in the epilogue, so just know that you will eventually be getting to read the whole story 😉)

The First and Last - Modern AU that could either be a long oneshot or a multi-chapter depending on how long it ends up being. Currently it's only about 4.5k words, but still super rough so it could definitely end up being multi-chapter. I'm so excited about this one because childhood-best-friends-to-lovers is one of my all-time favorite tropes (Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable were my first ship before I even knew what shipping was...), and now I'm FINALLY going to have a story of my own using that premise! This story is inspired by the summers I spent as a kid at my grandparent's cottage in Maine. It was in a very tiny coastal town, and was on a quiet street with a few other summer homes, so I would see the same kids every year and we would all hang out. And I may have had a smol crush on one of the boys that I would see each summer😏. So this story is InuKag in a very similar situation!! I love this one and can't wait to share once I go back and fill in all of the middle parts 🥰

Sometime Around Midnight - Modern AU multi-chapter based on  a song of the same name by The Airborne Toxic Event. I actually came up with this as my first multi-chapter AU back in January/February before UTNL randomly forced its way into my brain and took up my entire life for the rest of the year. I'm still really excited about this one, and have a whole elaborate backstory planned out, but am actually really stuck on how I want the plot to go past the initial couple of chapters (which starts off as pretty much just a retelling of the lyrics of the song). It won’t be super long, probably only 3 - 5 chapters, but I really can't decide on an interesting enough way to end it 😆.  I'll figure it out eventually, though!

The Girl at the Rock Show -  Modern AU enemies-to-lovers fic that I wrote for @goshinote’s birthday back in October! I was only able to get it to the point of being a super rough draft (that was still over 6k) by the time of her birthday, but I promised to get back and finish it eventually, which I still plan to do! I debated whether to publish it, since it’s very much written for Jane and her interests with lots of inside jokes/references lol , but I figure I might as well share it because someone else might enjoy too! The basic premise is that Inuyasha and Kagome are both working at a concert venue and do not get along at first. But....✨sexual tension✨is there and so begins a FWB type of situation that of course turns into something more...

A couple of canon-based very short oneshots - I have ideas for little missing scenes I would’ve loved to see in canon every so often, and have a couple of rough drafts written. One is my version of a little follow-up to the almost kiss in TFA episode 18, and the other is a post-canon idea of how InuKag’s first kiss might have happened based on the manga where they never kissed inside the jewel! Both are short and sweet and very fluffy. I started off with most of my ideas being canon-based, so I like to return to that as kind of my bread and butter after writing a lot of AU. I just love love love Inuyasha and Kagome’s dynamic in canon, and I consider it a fun challenge to write within that world and keep them as in character as possible!

Apart and Together (very tentative title, pls ignore lol) - This is actually the first fic I ever started writing after finishing the series! It is basically just my ideas of what might’ve happened during the 3 year separation, and how their reunion would have gone. It’s actually already like 20k words hahaha, but I started it so long ago when I knew nothing about writing, and have shifted my views on certain things, so it will require a lot of editing/restructuring to get it finished. Eventually!

Untitled Multi-Chapter epic-style long fic based on Darling in the Franxx - Post-apocalypse AU where demons (led by Naraku) have taken over the world and humans are forced to live in small areas under constant attack. Inuyasha and Kagome (and others) are paired up on a mission to gather fragments of the Shikon Jewel, in an effort to stop Naraku from getting them first. They don’t get along at all at first, but learn to trust and rely on each other over time, although they grew up as part of a selection of kids that were raised to be soldiers so they don’t know much about humanity/love/etc. Also there is a twist! The premise is loosely based on the anime Darling in the Franxx, minus the sexual robot stuff hahaha. This will probably take me forever to write tbh. I have a loose idea of the plot, but nothing really written so far. I want to write the entire thing before posting, so it might not end up getting posted next year but we'll see!

That is ALL of my WIPs that have actually been fleshed out into full story ideas! I have a handful of random scenes jotted down in my phone that could potentially become stories if I thought about them a little more, but I don’t like to have too many open WIPs at once, so I’ll try and get a few of those out before trying to come up with anything else.

Thank you SO SO much for this question, and for your support of UTNL! It means the world ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[alagaesia-headcanons]

Ok I pulled the receipts. (I was gonna write out my thoughts on them tomorrow, but then I decided I didn't want to spend part of another day thinking about Oromis, so forgive me if this is a little scattered because I'm sleepy lol) @oceanfyre and @corvidparty too, because I promised to elaborate.

Like you mentioned in the tags, Oromis's treatment of Eragon's injury is indeed the most glaring and harmful issue. I made a post a long time ago about it which gives a good overview of my feelings about it. Now let me start here.

Oromis tells Eragon that he can't give in to fear of pain because he can't risk failing the Varden, and he must sacrifice himself for the sake of others. Yet he fails to explain how Eragon's desire to avoid exacerbating his wound puts their cause at risk, or how anyone or anything benefits from his sacrifice. And that's because none of it's true. I could understand (though perhaps still not agree with) Oromis's argument that his suffering is necessary for the Varden's success if there was something vital Eragon could gain only by enduring the pain, or if enduring the pain aided his recovery and gradually restored his strength. But he gains absolutely nothing by attempting to train without accommodating his chronic pain, and it actually makes his condition worsen severely- but I'll get to that in a sec.

The Varden doesn't depend on his suffering, and so no one else gains anything from his pain either. Oromis insists that Eragon find something he'd willingly sacrifice himself for, and Eragon's compassion draws him to do just that, striving to help all the people within the Empire. But the moral gravity Oromis puts on this sacrifice doesn't actually exist. Those people get nothing from his agony in a far off corner of the elves' forest- his determination to do whatever he can for their sake is clearly already deeply rooted and it doesn't need to be somehow reinforced through pain. Those people would benefit most simply from his preserved health, but Oromis refuses to ever accommodate for his injury.

So since the reason he explicitly provides for that is meaningless bullshit, it's more tricky to judge why he actually refuses. In that other post, I posit that Oromis feels like his own infirmity somehow justifies his requirement that Eragon suffers as well, which could be part of the reason. Despite his own condition, his approach to Eragon is shockingly ableist, right down to the "~the only disability is a negative mindset~" sentiment. I also feel like his demand for a constant, willing sacrifice of Eragon's wellbeing could be part of Oromis's lack of respect for him. He wants that as proof that Eragon can suffer and survive through weakness, since he sees weakness as an inherent quality in him which must be corrected, perhaps because he's human, he's young, or something else. Again, I'll expand on that thought.

Oromis arranges for Eragon to spar with Vanir because he finds his efforts before this point inadequate. To add a little more context back in to the first excerpt, Eragon had only just finished his second time meditating in the forest. And he had a seizure just prior while sparring with Oromis, so the "troubles" he insists Eragon set aside were his own fault. Eragon's still finding his footing and Oromis is only making it harder- there's genuinely no reason for him to believe he's not trying his best- but Oromis isn't satisfied with him and he blames that on Eragon. Then his solution is Vanir.

Oromis has the idea as a way to draw out Eragon's best efforts, then later adds that it will also maintain Eragon's sword skill. It completely fails the latter purpose because Vanir doesn't restrain his physical abilities to match Eragon's, which would let him exercise his skills. But it's not clear what Oromis is even looking for when he initially wants "his best." We see that his matches with Vanir make Eragon frustrated and spitefully determined resist his derision more than anything. I feel like Oromis's goal is to instill in Eragon a urge to prove himself. Because Oromis clearly thinks he needs to prove something, since his direct attempts to meet the expectations of his lessons aren't meaningful enough to Oromis. Instead, he has to fight and struggle in order for his efforts to warrant Oromis's respect.

And his struggles to reach for his teacher's approval put Eragon through agony. I don't think I need to explain Vanir's mistreatment, that's obvious, but Oromis's response is telling. For one, he in no way refutes or condemns Vanir's claims- which were incredibly appalling. Instead, he says that Eragon's mistakes bolster them. Also, it's subtle here, but his rebuke that he needs to keep a better hold on his temper is a hint of his distrust of Eragon's emotional capacity.

Eragon keeps sparring with Vanir, and we see just how egregious Oromis's ableism is. Here is the detrimental culmination of his determination to act like Eragon's injury doesn't exist. It does not make things better, it doesn't keep things the same, it actively and grievously makes things worse. His seizures get far more frequent and much more easily triggered, growing so severe that his life is ruled by pain and fear, and he struggles to focus and suffers memory lapses. I feel that this decidedly pushes Oromis from strict to malicious. Because even if he cared about Eragon's wellbeing only insofar as what's needed to train him to fight the Empire, he would have stopped here and made changes to spare his back. His deteriorating health is a serious and blatant hindrance to his training, so Oromis is presumably also paying a price for this. I truly cannot parse any kind of rational for this other than Oromis believing that, if Eragon can break, then he's not worth anything, so nothing is lost if he pushes him to that point.

When Eragon refuses to continue with the triggers for his seizures, Oromis again adds this non sequitur that they will "surely fail" if Eragon """abandons hope""" which is still utterly irrelevant to potentially accommodating his wound. I find his sentiment of "rise and prove you can conquer the instincts of your flesh" especially ugly and disingenuous, because what is he conquering other than the agony that you needlessly force him through every fucking day?

Eragon's view of his "compassion" makes me so incredibly sad, because he feels like Oromis would take his pain if he could- HE CAN! He literally can, he can end your suffering that instant just by giving you permission to rest and work around physical exacerbation!!! He holds that power over you!!!!!! There's not a hint of compassion in his inaction, but Eragon is young and longs for kindness and he falls for Oromis's gentle disguise...

(If I may insert a personal sentiment: active harm contained within empty and dishonest words of care is an utter cruelty, especially when actual care is desperately needed.)

Now to shift tracks a little. I made another old post about this scene which gives a good introduction to the initial issue of Oromis giving Arya the fairth without Eragon's permission and then blaming Eragon for letting his emotions get out of hand. I won't restate all of that here, because there's another element of this scene I want to focus on. Oromis claims that the reason Eragon's feelings are an issue is because she can't confront them in any way without the risk of distracting or offending him, since so much depends on him. And that's a bald faced lie. None of the elves, including Oromis and Arya, care if Eragon's distracted or offended! If they cared about his focus on his training, they would do their best to prevent his seizures which become a far, far worse distraction than some little crush. And if they cared about offending him, they wouldn't tolerate Vanir repeatedly saying incredibly derogatory things to his face.

The reason why Arya refuses to handle his attraction in a clear and mature way and why Oromis blames and shames him for it is because his way of expressing emotions is inconvenient and unpleasant to them. He's heartfelt and earnest and they don't know how to deal with it, so they try to make it so that they simple won't have to, and Eragon will hopefully shoulder that alone, no matter how confusing or difficult it gets. And Oromis seriously insults Eragon's emotional intelligence and decency by implying that he would be incapable of training or opposing the Empire in a meaningful way if his feelings were allowed to exist, regardless of if they're accepted or rejected, such that everyone in Alagaesia would suffer. It this implicit weakness and incapability Oromis seems to perceive in some aspect of Eragon. It's so disgustingly condescending and inexcusable treatment towards the guy they're throwing to the wolves in the hopes that he'll win their war. Especially since he does end up doing and great job prioritizing and focusing on fighting for the sake of others while grappling to manage his emotions.

Now for the last main point I want to make. Oromis and Glaedr both refuse to tell Eragon about the Eldunari during their first stay, a decision that very, very nearly gets him and Saphira captured, tortured, and enslaved. They only narrowly escape because of not only their luck that Murtagh was the new Rider and his good will spared them, but also the lucky chance that Galbatorix had phrased his orders loosely enough to let Murtagh act on that good will at all. That's how close it came, just because Eragon didn't know to expect Murtagh's strength with the Eldunari. Yet neither of them apologize for withholding that; instead, they tell him that the reason they didn't tell him was to protect Saphira from Eragon. They do not trust him and they do not respect him. They wouldn't place the slightest modicum of trust in him to not want to harm his own dragon and make a wise decision informed by their advice so that they could tell him the most crucial piece of intel in the war they're begging him to fight for them. They have utterly no respect for his intelligence or emotional regulation to do any of that. They don't even trust that Saphira should have the chance to tell him. They would rather let him fall victim to Galbatorix than believe he might deserve their confidence. And because of them, he almost does.

I don't even know what else to say. They don't apologize. They don't repent for it. They trample over Eragon's chance to defend himself and call them out. It makes my blood boil.

This is somewhat tangential, but I want to include this as a point that Oromis's abuse is a pattern. He openly admits that he recognized the detriment of Morzan and Brom's relationship, that he thought of a way to address it, and that he had the power to do so, and then he didn't do it. And he took these kids from their homes when they were TEN, he's not just their teacher, he would have a responsibility to look after their emotional wellbeing too. But he just didn't care enough to actually do it.

Last one. It didn't fit in neatly with the rest and I don't have a clever explanation for it. Just. What the fuck.

I will always be so sad and angry that Eragon never recognized how horribly the elves treated him and that no one else helped protect him from it either. Oromis is so insidiously and inexcusably cruel to him and Eragon truly deserved the chance to escape that and see the damage he caused, and also to then beat Oromis into a bloody pulp. And Glaedr too, honestly. He's mostly gone unscathed in my past rants, largely because at least his personality isn't so insufferable, but he ain't shit either. He's fully complicit in all of Oromis's vile abuse, and adds to it himself in certain places. They more than earn Eragon's ire, but they all constantly belittle him and insist that they inherently know better than him about everything, and poor Eragon believes them, so he doesn't fight back. No!!! Every misgiving you have about them is true, and not only should you stand your ground, but you should also start maiming them!!!!!

Oromis's mannerisms are respectful, kind, and gentle, but they in no way indicate his actual feelings. It just serves as a guise, while their actions demonstrate that both he and Glaedr don't have a single shred of respect for Eragon. They don't trust him, they don't put faith in him, they don't care about his wellbeing, and they have so much contempt for him. And they do all that while they take everything from Eragon, demanding he sacrifice himself constantly, and not always just in the interest of beating the Empire! In some cases it's solely an expression of their resentment of him or a way to cut away at the parts of him they don't like.

And Eragon gives them everything, so earnestly and generously. Then they give him jack shit. They only give him whatever suits their intention to use him as a weapon, and even in that, they pick and choose things to withhold according to their disdain for him. Contempt is all he gets in return for his trust and loyalty.

And it makes me sad how Saphira isn't there for him in this. In her defense, she's very young and they harm her also by prioritizing her utility to them over anything else, which she sadly does not recognize either. But beyond that, the elves and Oromis and Glaedr specifically treat her far, far better than they treat Eragon. She's in no way responsible for their actions, but there are places where she enables the abuse. Most often through overlooking it, but sometimes when Eragon rightfully balks at their mistreatment, then turns to Saphira for her input, she tells him, "I trust them and I think you should be deferring to them."

Eragon is so earnest and compassionate and he deserves care, both in the form of other people caring about his wellbeing, and also through the chance for him to learn how he can and should care for himself. Yet at the end of the series, he's so conditioned to accept manipulation and abuse and I just want my poor boy to have a chance to rest and HEAL 😭

[syubub]

ENERGY CHECKUP: YOONGI (again)

Now, I know I've already done an energy check up on yoon but I wanted to see how he was doing now that he's gotten his shoulder surgery!

Disclaimer time: tarot is not to be takes as fact and is my interpretation if the cards :) entertainment purposes only~

SHIT IS STRANGE (it is Yoongi though so I'm not too shocked)

So. For starters, his energy is pretty calm and chill. He's also a bit more quiet?

I wrote a note that tomorrow is exciting... idk I wrote it down and I'm not sure if its exciting for him or for us? Maybe its just a general like, "tomorrow is a good day" type thing.

Now. 11... I wrote this down and I'm not sure why though I believe that he might be seeing 11:11 on the clock or possibly that something exciting is happening for him at 11:11 (I just checked and thats in like an hour and a half from when I'm writing this down(( update i just finished writing the whole post and it is about 11 minutes away)) idk. I make no promises but I wrote it down so there you go.

I also kept seeing plants and I'm not sure if people got him flowers or plants as a "get well" type thing or maybe he's stressing bc someone has to water his plants lol

Okay. Okay. Hear me out. Black bean noodles. It popped into my head and I was told to write it down but I'm also really hungry so take that with a grain of fucking salt. (I even pictured a nice elaborate bowl that was red as well as the take out container. Yum. Send me noodles)

MOVING ON

Here's the actual reading lol. He is bored.

Thats all. Thank you for coming.

Jk

I joke. The cards give me a kind of frazzled feeling? Its the struggle of knowing hes done something good but it comes at a cost. Yoongi works. A lot. All the goddamn time. So what now? He's having this shake up thats forcing him to deal with stuff. Him having this surgery also may have brought back some less than favorable memories/ feelings that hes being forced to deal with now. Over all though he feels like its good. The 6 of wands makes me think that he's thinking of our response when he comes back. Its like he's gonna be so much more confident in himself and his dancing and he can finally move on from the car accident? It happed so long ago but he literally carried this burden with him. Its good. The wheel of fortune and is about a change and the 8 of swords is about self imposed restriction, imprisonment and over all bad/ negative feelings. I pulled the wheel of fortune first and asked what was changing and that was the 8 of swords. This surgery is helping to free him from this restricting, painful thing that may have been reminding him of the past! YES HEALING

Now. For this section I just kinda asked "whats up?" And got, easy does it, divine life purpose l, balancing masculine and feminine energies and uplift your thoughts. He may be resting but he's got his mind working on 3,000 my dude. Its the regular "yoongi is woke af" bullshit but damn. The cards say what they say. He's preparing. I'll come back to this.

Now the 7 of cups and the 3 of swords. I asked how he felt about missing out on promoting. He's heart broken with the 3 of swords. It genuinely pains him. And with the 7 of cups he might feel like there's a lot of ways this can play out and he's considered a lot of options.

I was curious how he felt about me coming into his energy so I asked him what he thought of me. Lol. These each came out separately. We got, 2 of cups, four of wands, the empress, justice, the magician, the sun and the lovers. Ha

So. To add to the mood setting my guide said "he's a drama queen" lol yeah he is.

So so so so so. I was confused? Still am a little confused but I'm like 80.9% sure that he isn't bothered by me poking around in his energy n shit. In fact my theory is that he's using this connection to his advantage? Lol sounds dumb but my best guess is that home boy sees my energy/ what I'm doing as a way to figure out his own shit? Idk maybe he thinks I'm his energetic therapist. Maybe even a matchmaker (I mean... I have been putting a lot of energy and work into finding/ connecting with his soulmate so maybe he's letting me do all the dirty work) I really don't understand but I got no further explanation.

Oki oki oki. Now. I was drawn to 2 books. The kybalion and the prophet. I asked yoon if there was any messages that we wanted to point out through the books and I got a number for each book so I took it as page numbers. 28 for the prophet and 54 for the kybalion

Take what you will from these if it calls to you. I haven't read these since I was around 13? The sentiments for each felt important to me so I'm curious what you all might think/ feel when reading these? ( I also get the feeling that Yoongi has read the prophet idk why)

Okay. At this point I was like cool, let's wrap this up but I need to talk about his pjs? Green/grey? Plaid pj bottoms don't ask me don't ask me don't ask me I don't know but It wouldn't go away so I had write it down? Help.

I had written yoongis brother down too. Theres something about him? I'm not sure what but thats all I got lol

I was very strongly told that I needed to remember 7, that its important. Got it. Worth it down.

Oki. As I was going back to the platform blah blah blah the string turned blue too. The cord is usually white or silver but it was blue so that was a fun thing and then I was like "nice. Cool. Thanks. This was awesome, get healthy blah blah" and go to leave/ end the connection but the cord wouldn't go away.

???

What.

Then the string (idk if I said but that string shit is like on the third eye? Its connected to my forehead and his too.) Kind tightens.

I'm like, "oh shit."

Listen. Usually everything is smooth and nice and I just leave.

All is well though bc my guide is like, "stop being a little bitch" so I just let it happen.

Yoon shoves me back off the edge of the platform. Why he gotta be like that?

Now. This is strange. I had dropped down into a library.

Y'ALL

I almost shit my fucking pants. Dear god.

THE AKASHIC RECORDS MY DUDE

He started walking me around until he found a blue book. His mother fucking book.

Home boy brought me to his fucking Akashic fucking blue fucking book.

I was big mad. "YOU LITTLE FUCKER! YOUVE KNOWN ABIUT THIS SHIT?" And he was like, "duh"

I've never felt more disrespect lol

Also the way the library was presented was way way way different from how it looks to me. So thats an interesting note. Looking at his book, on the base of the spine is a number 7...

Oki. Cool. I asked if I could look and he said, "Sure, when you can find your way back."

This mother fucker threw me out of a meditative state. Have you ever woken up just before you hit the ground in one of those falling dreams? THAT WAS THE FEELING.

?? I'm not sure what the fuck just happened or if it holds actual significance.

Anyway. After cursing the fuck out of yoobi I started thinking what else 7 ment.

I was specifically told to remember 7 and it was on his book. Then It popped into my head (I want to say its because I'm smart and thought of it all by myself but I think that was my guide wanting me to keep my last brain cell safe). What is yoongis life path number?

Now I don't know shot about life path numbers but imma read up on them tonight. I used a life path calculator on Google. HIS LIFE PATH NUMBER IS 7 Y'ALL.

Maybe I'm dumb as fuck but yoobi never disappoints.

Conclusion: Yoon is fine. Hes just being a yoongi and a yoongi does.

⬆️Me after this reading⬆️

⬆️ Yoongi rn playing 12D chess⬆️

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2021 - September

I successfully completed the Magical Readathon (MR) prompts! I didn't actually finish the tbr I set up I did swap out book that still met the prompts. Honestly, I'm shocked I was so restrained!

Emma by Jane Austen

Emma was, obviously, a reread for me - and a second reread in one year so I’m just not going to say anything about it. I have no new thoughts, just 🥰🥰🥰

MR - The Mist of Solitude

Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

I have a lot of issues with Peter Pan, and I’m not sure I have the space to talk about it here. I won’t promise to elaborate on this in a full review because I have a VERY LONG backlist to write at this point... I might do one in the next 5 years!

However, I feel that Peter Pan isn’t aging well in terms of race, feminism, etc. For me it was an uncomfortable read and these issues got in the way of me enjoying the story, particularly when it came to Wendy and the Native American tribe who live in Neverland. The language Barrie uses and the ideas around gender roles doesn’t come across well in the 21st century.

I can understand why Peter Pan is so well loved and remains influential. I genuiely love the imagery involved in the story and a lot of the adaptations (Jason Isaacs as Captain Hook is just...perfection!) But the novel itself isn’t for me. I’m glad I’ve read it but I’m never coming back in this form - I’ll stick to the 2003 film, especially as a lot of my intertest in Peter Pan is centred around Captain Hook at this point, adolescent boys going feral is not something I’m particularly interested in to be honest...!

MR: Ashton Tree

The Turn of the Screw by Henry James

Tragically this was another disappointing read for me, I don’t enjoy ghost stories for the most part - however, everyone I’d spoken to about Henry James was convinced this was going to be my thing. It’s the gothic elements mixed with James’ language and open endings, that’s usually my cup of tea.

I just didn’t care about this one? I didn’t love James’ use of language (it felt over written), and the ambiguity just left me frustrated. I can see why people would enjoy it, and I understand why my mum in particular thought I’d like it, but it just wasn’t for me. I also found the main character incredibly unappealing to read about, so that definitely didn’t help!

MR: Ruin of Skye

Etiquette and Espionage, Curtsies and Conspiracies, and Waistcoats and Weponry by Gail Carriger (Finishing School #1, 2 & 3)

I’ve got reviews of this series already - somewhere in 2019 if you really want to go and find them - because these were rereads. This series makes me so happy. I’ve said several times that Miss Gail is my comfort read author. I pick up one of her books and I just enter my happy place, so there’s not a lot of critical thought going on when I talk about them.

If you want a fluffy (yet socially aware) romp about a teenaged girl attending a Victorian finishing school for assassins and spies then this is the series for you. They’re lighthearted, hilarious, and incredibly entertaining. They’re also very fast to read with some fantastic characters, seriously these books have the most accurate representations of teenaged girls I’ve read - minus the espionage of course!

MR: Orilium Academy Arc

Jamaica Inn by Daphne du Maurier

I have mixed feelings about Jamaica Inn. I enjoyed reading it but I was still somewhat disappointed. I do think it was slightly inevitable, I ADORE Rebecca and whatever I ended up reading next from du Maurier wasn't going to live up to that book.

Jamaica Inn was a fun read, it was atmospheric and slightly creepy with similar vibes to Wuthering Heights! (Might be why I enjoyed the atmosphere now I think about it...!) It would make for a fantastic cosy winter evening read - you know where you curl up with a blanket, cup of tea, and the book to ignore the world for a few hours while it's cold and miserable outside? It's that kind of read.

However, the atmosphere was by far the best bit of this novel. The characters felt like flat puppets to facilitate the predictable plot... Nothing in this book was a surprise, I'd even managed to work out who was the ultimate bad guy as soon as they were introduced 🤦‍♀️ It's just not a book that keeps you guessing or engaged that much in the characters. Which is fine, I still loved the atmosphere and writing, but it's not a new favourite. It didn't make for a fantastic book club discussion either...

MR: Obsidian Falls

The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien (Lord of the Rings #3)

I need to talk about Lord of the Rings even less than I do about Emma... Obviously I adored it 😅 If you haven't read the trilogy yet do so!

I'll definitely be writing a reflection on annotating the entire Lord of the Rings so I'll leave all I have to say for that post.

MR: The Novice Path

Arm of the Sphinx by Josiah Bancroft (Books of Babel #2)

I did this book a disservice... I read it as I was annotating The Return of the King and I was on such a Tolkien high that I didn't Arm of the Sphinx the best chance to wow me. It did feel a bit lacklustre - but that is completely on me.

Arm of the Sphinx is a huge step up from Senlin Ascends, and I really liked Senlin Ascends! The world started to make sense, the character development was fabulous for everyone, there was more plot, and the pace gave us more time to ruminate on what was actually helping! This book was all round more coherent, the parts went together well (rather than feeling like 3 separate novellas), and I came to understand what the hell is going on. It's a fabulous second installment to the series, however, I struggled to connect to it? And it's completely because I read it next to Lord of the Rings, nothing can compete with Tolkien for me.

My one genuine criticism for Arm of the Sphinx is the writing. In opening up to other perspectives, without having dedicated chapters for each character, Bancroft has a weird habit of fluidly moving between several different individual's thought processes within a single chapter. It made it hard to follow at times, I just didn't know who was thinking or seeing what in places and I was left confused.

This little issue aside I did really like this book, it was a marked improvement on the first novel, and I'd highly recommend the series so far. I'll definitely be continuing in the near future!

MR: Tower of Rumination

[soldouthaz]

I really want to start writing fics because writing has always been a passion of mine, and what better way to use it than to write about and interact with a fandom i'm passionate about as well, right? the problem is that i'm a 'gifted kid' with both adhd and depression, which makes for both lack of motivation and lack of attention span, even if I'm mentally obsessing over what I'm working on, I'll have a lot of trouble actually doing it. (1/2)

On top of that, I tend to back away or give up completely if I don't have an immediate knack for something or if I hit a roadblock of sorts. Do you have any tips for me, and, more specifically, for how to explore your passions even when your brain chemistry is kicking your ass? (2/2)

hi!! what a good question!!! I've always struggled with some of this myself so I'll do my best to give some good advice below the cut!!! 

- just a quick tw for anyone who may be sensitive to topics including depression or other similar mental health conditions! -

(i’ll talk about a few things regarding the adhd/depression and then I'll include some advice at the end for you!!! this got kind of long (sorry!) but if you read anything, make sure it’s the end!)

so this was something I struggled with big time for a while when I first started writing! I don’t have ADHD but I do have OCD, which is also quite the cocktail with depression so I feel your pain! i understand how frustrating it is because writing is very two sided in my experience, meaning on one hand it’s cathartic and eases anxiety, but on the other hand it can induce those negative feelings just as quickly as it got rid of them if you’re too overwhelmed while doing so.

depression is always the heavy hitter for me personally. I can have so many ideas and so much excitement for them and yet when I sit down to write everything seems so overwhelming that I end up backing out of it and leaving it for later for the millionth time. mine is mostly seasonal as well, so i go through periods of time (like these past few months) where i get very unmotivated and don’t write much at all. it’s an annoying cycle to then feel unproductive and know that you want to do it but you don’t do it but you feel like you should etc. etc..

the ADHD (or OCD in my case) seems to always be more of an environment issue for me. I really can only write more than a few sentences once I'm alone in the dead of night, when everyone else is asleep and I'm in control of my surroundings -- for example, the volume (music, fans, tv, etc), position (where I'm sitting, what’s around me), and being comfortable (comfy clothes, blankets, etc). I'm a big sensory person so if something’s even slightly brushing my arm in the wrong way, I can’t get into what I'm doing.

but i also understand what you mean strictly focus wise, when you’re trying to plan out your ideas and just keep jumping from one thing to another! (by the way i love that you mentioned when you're not good at something immediately you tend to give up - i do the same thing!) this is where i’ll try to give you some of the tips that helped me personally!

not too get too sappy, but to me the beauty of writing has always been that there is no right or wrong way to do it. the most difficult part of it is nailing down the fact that you should write for yourself and not simply to get hits or kudos or comments or anything. it should be fun and ultimately rewarding, and if it isn’t, don’t try to force yourself!

this is where the flip side of the adhd/depression + writing debate comes in -- finishing a piece of work can be one of the best feelings in the world, no matter how big or small or if other people enjoy it or not. because now you’ve got something that you can point to and say hey, i did that! i created this thing and put it into the world regardless of the challenges i might have encountered along the way or anyone else’s judgement! and that’s a wonderful feeling, especially if you’re like me when you feel lazy or unproductive half the time and the other half of you is constantly restless, full of energy with no other outlet for it.

so my advice to you would be to start small. it took me months to finish the first fic that i published because i split it up into portions and didn’t force myself if i truly didn’t want to write that day. to elaborate about ‘small’, there’s several different options!

before i got into fandom writing, poetry was the holy grail for me because it didn’t require much effort! i used my phone or the nearest notebook i had to just scribble down my feelings in just a few lines. it helped me feel better quickly just to get it off my chest, it wasn’t time consuming, and there was no planning required so it wasn’t overwhelming to me! poetry is fun to just play around with and you can kind of make up your own rules, so feel free to try that as a warm up or experiment as well!

but you mentioned specifically fics and fandom writing, so there are some options for that as well!

drabbles are a great idea as an intro to writing in my opinion! they’re wonderful practice for finding your ‘writing voice’ and learning which genres and topics you enjoy writing about before diving headfirst into a long fic! if you plan on publishing it, they’re also a great way to set the tone for readers of what your future works will be like! (another exercise similar to this is word prompts, where you choose a random word and just try to write and see what comes out!)

WIPs are fairly controversial, but who cares? if you’ve got something you want to write and you want to publish a chapter indefinitely throughout the year just when you feel like it, go for it! it’s still a creative outlet and it’s still you expressing yourself, which means it’s fully worth it.

that being said, my entire world changed after i started outlining. if you want to write a full fic to be published at once, the most helpful thing is to have a plan. it doesn’t have to be nailed down or perfect, but even just scribbling down some random scene ideas or plot points can help! from there, if you feel like it, you can go as detailed as you want and add things like goal word count, character bios, etc. until it begins to take the shape of a full story!

while keeping all of this in mind, i know i’m stressing it but it’s so important to remember that how you view this can be the change in how all of this pans out. writing for yourself is the goal here -- getting attached to hits or kudos or reblogs only provides temporary validation. it’s nice but it’s not going to give you that emotional payoff.

you mentioned that writing was a passion of yours and writing can be extremely cathartic, especially when you’re writing about an interest or something you love! no part of it should be extremely stressful or make you more anxious than when you started. i honestly can’t recommend it enough, even if you don’t share your first drafts or if you end up scrapping parts of it later on. no matter how long or short it is and no matter if it’s something you think people will read or not.

with depression and ADHD especially, writing is the perfect mix of pushing yourself and achieving goals without going too far, and it’s helped me in my own mental health journey immensely. (most of my works are just emotion-dumps where i use my characters and storylines to cope with whatever’s going on in my current life!) it’s a type of therapy in itself, and to be able to share it in a community of people that view it the same way is just an added bonus! 

speaking more generally regarding your point about trying to enjoy your interests while also dealing with mental health conditions that limit your ability to do so, my go-to method is always just to take it as it comes, or break it down into easier sections to deal with. if i’m doing something and i’m aware of and actively trying to fight an OCD tic (or in your case ADHD behavior), it’s only going to make me more anxious. so my advice would be to take a break and do something comforting to calm down, then return to what you were doing before. we have to remember to be kind to ourselves, especially in this weird time!

conversely, with depression, i try to push myself just slightly. my brain usually wants to give up and shut down and sometimes that’s okay too, but it usually pays off for me if i bargain with myself to keep going or keep trying, like promising myself a nap or some relaxing time if i can finish x amount of whatever i’m working on, if that makes sense. a little bit can go a long way!

ahh sorry, this one kind of got away from me! i’m sorry it’s so lengthy but i hope some part of it resonated with you! the ask touched on a lot of different things so if you need me to clarify anything or elaborate or if you have any more questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me again! i also made a post about my writing process a while ago if that’s something you’d be interested in, and this post from the other day has some other tips on dealing with grief/anxiety that may also be helpful for your situation! 

(also, I'd just like to point out that just from your ask alone I can tell you write really well! I would be very interested in reading something of yours in the future!) 

I'm wishing you the best of luck with your first venture into writing and fics, and I'd be more than happy to help you in any way that I can! I can’t wait to see what all you do <33333 

[boyapologist]

@runningllikewater

ok I'll elaborate on this because I think it's pretty cool, but I also don't have taylor's musician mastermind so sorry if it's boring (also I don't have explanations for all of them):

upstairs in the dark - taylor usually writes literal things but puts metaphors hidden in them, so upstairs in the dark would probably tell a story where at some point the narrator does mention climbing stairs in the dark, but then it comes back later in the song as a metaphor. like "we climbed together, upstairs the dark" and then later it would turn to not climbing literally but "doing something risky that can result in good or bad". the good ol' treacherous trope.

one million dollars later - you know when lorde said "teen millionaire, having nightmares from the camera flash" in the path? she stole it from me, actually. that's what this one was supposed to be about; dealing with the consequences of money and fame.

green agony - I don't have a story for this one but I just wanted to mention a fun fact: it was supposed to be pink agony and this one would actually have a meaning, but then I looked it up and pink agony it's actually the name of a gore fanfic lmao. had to change it to green because I got too attached to just ditch it, but it lost the meaning.

every other window - "I see your face in every other window". this is from a poem I got too lazy to finish writing.

made you up - when you love the version you made up of someone, not who they really are, and you only figure this out when it's too late.

urban dreams in promised land - ok ok ok this one's my favorite! this one is the exact opposite of the lakes. taylor usually contradicts herself in her music so this one would be after she got what she wanted (running to the lakes). would it end up feeling isolating? does she miss new york? us? all that she left behind? does she feels like she had no choice? is she having urban dreams in her promised land?

everything to everyone - I actually stole this from love is pain by Fergie but it would have the same meaning, just focusing more on it. that feeling where you're being stretched everywhere and people expect too much from you. "I can't stretch enough to be everything to everyone". probably some shade to us asking too much from taylor. cof cof

the long of it - I have two meanings for this and I couldn't pick, but one would be pinning for someone, the longing. the other would be the long of letting go. how much time and effort goes into moving on from something you once loved.

bravely into silence - I don't have a plot idea for this one, but I picked it because if this was a real album it would be a nice way to lead into a hiatus (that taylor would really need after writing 3 albums back to back lmao). literally bravely into silence.

taylor swift “woodvale”

the third part of the folklore triology will be out midnight, march 15, including the music video for the single “rudderless”

insp: (x)

[maneaterwithtail]

A lot of people were acquainted with him through his prolific participation in News & Politics, but to me Aaron was always an author, one half of the team behind Hybrid Theory. That fic was a bastion of creativity, drama, and wry humor; a ludicrous and ambitious premise, played gloriously straight. It provided me with much-needed hope and entertainment in years past. His death comes as a punch in the gut, and takes the wind of optimism out of my sails.

I never knew him well, and now I never will. Rest in peace, Aaron. The world is lessened by your absence from it.

-orm Ember

I didn't want to write this. 

Not just for the obvious reasons, that nobody likes to say goodbye to a friend like this. I didn't want to make this about me, because it isn't about me. I wanted to say something about him, to tell his story, to express the tiniest part of the loss I feel in a way others could understand. 

But I came to realise that it wasn't for me to tell his story. I can't. That story was for him to tell, and unfortunately, he cannot. The only story I have to tell is the story of us. So that's what I'll do. 

I met Aaron Peori when we were both new in high school, about twenty-five years ago. Glace Bay High was the tenth of the eleven schools that I attended in my eleven years of schooling, and so by then I was almost as well-practiced in "meet new friends" as I was in "meet the new local pack of bullies". Walking home, I noticed one guy about my age that always walked alone, reading a book. In other words, a fellow nerd, a weirdo, an outcast. Like me. After a couple of days of spotting this lone reading fellow, he happened to be reading a book by Christopher Pike, an author I also had books by. That was, as the saying goes, an opening.

"Hey, isn't that a Christopher Pike book?" I asked this stranger, casually, as if I hadn't already known.

He looked up at me, not even showing any surprise that some weirdo had walked up and asked about the book his nose was in. "Yes," he said, peering at me owlishly from behind his glasses, then after a moment added, "He's a good author."

By the time we reached home that day, we were already good friends. From that point on, in fact, we were virtually inseparable, aided by the fact that he lived almost literally in my backyard.

From the very beginning, we were creative collaborators. At first, we were using GI Joes and a few other toys in elaborate setpiece dioramas that spanned his house's enclosed front porch, and sometimes spilled out to occupy part of the year as well. Factions, sacrifices, betrayals, and no doubt embarassing-in-retrospect dialogue were all a part of those first afternoons and weekends.

I think he first got a copy of the Marvel Super Heroes RPG from his cousin. Before I'd met him, Aaron and his cousin had both been drawing their own comics about a space-based superhero team called Sonis. Now, with a tool that you could use tell stories about superheroes, and rules to arbitrate - our new great dioramas were ones made of words, not toys. I quickly made my own "expanded universe", about a group of mercenary superheroes called Heroes For Hire. 

At that point, what turned out to be a very long-lasting pattern was set. Aaron was the GM, and I was the player. Aaron created the worlds, and I lived the characters in them. He did want me to be the GM sometimes (it's more fun being the player!), but I was always uncomfortably aware how much better at it he was than me, and so I felt intimidated to pit my own lesser stories against the epics he created.

As time went on, another pattern that would be long-lasting emerged: Aaron and I's stories became vastly greater in scope. He rewrote the resolution system of the game to account for much higher power levels than the original design used (Ochre feats!), and eventually we dispensed with the rules altogether, playing completely free-form with no set rules and only the occasional dice roll. I learned to handle multiple characters at once, and bored at the success easily reached by my insanely overpowered characters, learned to find more fun in getting them in trouble instead. Aaron learned to handle the narrative challenges faced by trying to craft stories about protagonists who had literal "I win" powers, and weren't very likeable to boot.

Very little of Heroes For Hire would be something I wouldn't be embarassed to show off today, but my former internet nom de guerre "Blade" comes from the most central and overpowered character of those days.

About a year before I left Cape Breton, Aaron and I discovered two things of lasting consequence: anime, via his having a comic adaptation of the movie "Project A-ko" in his huge box of comics that I would regularly raid, and fanfiction, which I had been introduced to via USENET by another friend of mine, Mark MacIsaac. After I left, Aaron had more free time, and thus he started writing a story that combined two of his favourite things: the then-popular anime Ranma 1/2, and Star Wars. 

Aaron wrote prolifically, longhand on sheaths of paper, in his inscrutable and typo-laden scrawl. My role in those first stories, for all they were credited under both our names, was just to type these up and edit them - but that wasn't a small task, to be fair. I can type 60wpm despite still pecking with two fingers instead of touch-typing, a skill that dates to those early manuscripts. 

That level of collaboration, though, wasn't enough. Soon we took to role-playing games again, and I took on various Ranma characters in lengthy phone conversations where he was once again the DM. Those games formed several of the plots for Ranma: Curse of Darkness, and the entirety of the plot of Kyoto Chronicles (sadly never actually finished), along with other stories both Ranma and non that never made it to the internet. Again, he would write the scripts and I would type them up, now with more creative control and editing. 

The time came when we once again lived in the same city, able to really collaborate with both of us writing scenes. All of this finally culminated in Hybrid Theory, our longer-than-Lord-of-the-Rings magnum opus, and something we were both pretty proud of despite the various flaws and that we totally botched poor Rei's character arc.

After writing something like that, we were sure, it would be easy to write something for professional publication. But unfortunately, it never came to be. Circumstances separated us again, several promising projects got stalled after a few chapters, and then the grinding workload he faced at his job hurt his ability to write consistently.

But Aaron never stopped writing fanfiction. His mind never stopped working. Most of what he wrote was "junk" in his words, and he wouldn't even show it to me, but he was still thinking up stories and worlds and his favourite thing of all: elaborate fight scenes. He once told me he could write in any series, no matter how crappy or derivative, "as long as the main characters can run up walls".

It frustrates me that I cannot prove to anyone here how brilliant Aaron was, because that brilliance was hidden behind the various flaws in his prose style. His prospensity for typos never did much improve, though he could at least spellcheck stuff he wrote on a computer rather than longhand. He never got hung up like me searching for the exact right word, and so he often just used the same words over and over. For those that read his last work, I can only explain that I took out a ton of "snaps" - "snapped her head back", "snapped his wrist forward", "the snake snapped out" and yet there are STILL that many in there. I was going to do a much more thorough editing pass when it was finished. 

But that is all surface-level. Where Aaron excelled was in his vision for a setting and story. He could take the ridiculous and make it somehow sublime - indeed, he often challenged himself with making ridiculous or cliche concepts work. He could keep track of a million dancing pieces and know precisely which should enter the stage, and from where. It's not that I didn't contribute meaningfully to our collaborative efforts, but I often felt like a child with crayons colouring in the lines of a sketch by Da Vinci. Even if my colouring was good, it wasn't the masterpiece.

His players knew, though. Another habit Aaron kept for the rest of his life was GMing (though he enjoyed playing, when the opportunity was afforded to him), even if he couldn't do it as much in recent years. Aaron was a masterful GM, able to coax out strong story arcs and dramatic moments from players of any skill level, able to make NPCs that the players hated or loved or both, able to coax rambunctious player parties into dramatic clashes and events that never felt railroaded. But perhaps even more than that, he was a master of making game rules work for him instead of against him. Aaron loved role playing game rules: one of his primary hobbies and uses of his spare cash was to buy new gamebooks, even if he never planned to use them for a game. He'd devour them, expertly analyse their strengths and flaws, modify and house-rule them to his liking, and even a notoriously tricky game to GM like Exalted flowed smoothly in his hands.

His set of replacement Dragonblooded charms are still the best and most flavourful charmset ever made for them. And he always maintained that the best game system to run Star Wars with was the pulp action game Adventure! - which was the very last game I'd play with him. He was, as always on these matters, completely correct.

In another world, even with the problems we had, I'm sure Aaron could have been a published author. The problem, if problem it was, was that Aaron's prolificness stemmed from his own joy in writing and creating. Ultimately, if he was more interested in writing about a magical self-insert Sakura than he was in something "professional", then that's what he did. He took note of criticism and changed things if he got it, but ultimately the only critic whose opinion he internalised was himself. He wrote because he enjoyed writing. If somebody else enjoyed what he did, great. If nobody did, he'd write anyway.

Aaron and I were so close that my father asked me if we were gay once. We weren't - I'm straight, and he was (unknowingly at the time) asexual. But we loved each other anyway. We had the kind of easy camraderie and understanding where we could nostalge and talk for hours upon hours, week upon week, and never get bored even when we didn't have really anything to talk about. We were never bored of each other's company. From that very first day we met, we understood each other in ways that nobody else ever did, or ever would. I never pictured my life without Aaron in it. I was going to be a writer, I knew at 15 years old, with Aaron. I was going to move back to Canada someday - and live near Aaron. 

There is a hole, and it cannot be filled. It hurts, and it will always hurt. And yet I am greater for having it. It is unthinkable to wish that I didn't have it. My life without Aaron is unthinkable. I'll have to think of it, maybe another day, but not yet.

Aaron's last few years were difficult in some ways. He stuck in a predatory, horrible job that left him perpetually sick and exhausted, the only thing in the 25 years I knew him that actually forced him to stop writing and GMing for any length of time. He was too proud to take help, too tired to look for an alternative. He nearly died of a perforated ulcer a few years ago, and that added "chronic pain" to his ailments, and being him, he would only take painkillers when it became unbearable. It was unsustainable, we knew it, but he was always reaching for that promotion that would finally bring the shorter hours he had been asking for. In the meantime, he'd always say "Don't worry about me, I'm fine." I wish he had been right.

And yet.

In those same years, Aaron discovered himself. He discovered that he wasn't the strange not-wanting-sex freak he had grown up thinking he was, that there were many people like him out there. He got in touch with the emotions he had suppressed within himself due to a traumatic childhood experience, and while he sometimes had difficulty handling his newfound sadness (he was striken by grief like I'd never seen over the death of his grandfather) or anger (political topics were verboten in our conversations over the last few years), I believe that for all the pain and overwork and lack of creative output he was still in some ways never happier than he was these last few years.

He told me once that he wanted to find a partner of either gender, who didn't need or didn't want sex, but could be with him and hold him close when he needed it. I cried, and told him I knew he could find someone once he was out of that job. He deserved it. He deserved that happiness too.

This forum (although not solely) had a lot to do with him discovering himself, and that is why I felt I had to post about him here. You meant more to him than you know, and to some of you, though I don't know your names, I owe a debt I can never repay. Whoever you are, thank you so much. You helped him in a way I couldn't. The joy and hope of his last years came from the help you gave him.

And that's the end of the story of us. Aaron was exhausted, pushing himself beyond what he ever should have - now, at least, he can rest. Aaron was in pain, but now the pain is gone. There was nothing good or right or kind or acceptable about it, but it can't be changed, it can't be helped. 

Goodbye, Aaron. I love you. Thank you for writing stories with me.

-Chris Mcneil addressing sufficient velocity forums

[existentialstatesofmind]

Weekend Fun

Clare: smiled at Dakota and then glanced at Stacy when she spoke. She nodded. "Okay. That makes sense, I just think I'm the one who is getting to better end of the bargain." She didn't elaborate because Dakota already knew how miserable things were at home right now and she was trying to keep Stacey out of it. "It will be. There's no point in rocking the boat until it becomes necessary." She didn't know when that was going to be. Once she turned 18, her parents wouldn't be able to use the whole Dakota having custody of a child thing to keep them apart because Dakota would no longer be a minor either and they'd no longer have a stay so in who she dated anyway. Clare knew she couldn't wait that long to tell them though. She would only be turning 16 this year. "Dad won't be home." She promised. If she had to she could tell her parents an abridged version of why Josephine couldn't come over when he was there but it probably wouldn't be necessary to complicate things further. Clare smiled at Stacy and Dakota, and nodded in agreement. Then she looked at Dakota's mom curiously when she said she was going to adopt Josephine. From what his mom was saying it might be what was best for Josephine but who knew how Josephine really felt. Family matters were complicated. If Dakota considered Josephine his sister and his mom agreed, it changed things in her mind though. Her parents couldn't dispute whatever 'story' Clare told them. Adoption was actually something her parents advocated for and respected so Clare didn't forsee them asking nosey questions about that if it were true. Not that she should be thinking about herself right now. Josephine needed out of a bad situation. Clare shrugged to say that was fine when Dakota said she'd be sleeping in his room whenever she slept over. She doubted Dakota was ready for a physical relationship after everything she'd learned about him today and he knew she wasn't. It might be uncomfortable sharing a bed but they'd get used to it. Plus she wouldn't be staying the night often. At first she was confused when they started talking about a grandmother. She didn't know their grandmother lived with them. She got why having her there full time might not be great, Clare couldn't handle more than a few weeks at a time with her grandma. Then Clare got it, their grandmother died and they thought the room was haunted. Clare couldn't help laughing. "No, I don't need to be brave and go in there. I've seen Poltergeist a dozen times so the TV cutting on by itself is kind of creepy..." She playfully poked Dakota's shoulder. "How am I supposed to impress your grandmother if I sleep in your room though, she might come in there and throw a shoe at me." Her eyes widened when Emi talked about the deceased old lady giving her candy. If she wasn't actually haunting her own room she'd obviously left a lasting impression since her family was taking good care of the room and everything in it. Clare smiled sheepishly. "Right of course not, I should've thought of that. How do tourists find their way around? We might have a really hard time even with Emi's help and a Japanese dictionary app. Of course we should be able to use our phones to get directions in English. Hopefully." She looked at the paper. Clare knew the Japanese used symbols instead of words in their language. But she certainly hadn't known what it was called or how the symbols looked. "This is really cool Emi. I've never seen anything like it." Clare told her. "How does learning sounds work? Still, it was very clever of you to figure out how many strokes you needed. You're good at drawing." Clare didn't think she would be able to learn much Kanji. French was hard enough to learn and they had the same alphabet. "I believe it, I knew the languages they use in places like Japan and China was more complex than ours and the hardest to learn but jeeze." She exclaimed to Dakota. "I don't know how I feel about octopus. Have you tried it Emi? I might like it better than I would Sushi. I hate fish so raw fish doesn't really sound appetizing to me." She admitted. "Besides if it's grilled I know they at least took the eyes out. I'm not sure about the tentacles though. Food aside, it sounds like so much fun!" She grinned. "Good idea, I bet there's a lot more to do and I wanna dance with you." Clare said shyly. If she was going to have on pretty robes they shouldn't go to waste. "I can't wait. I hope I don't embarrass you too much, Emi, because I'm going to be taking lots of photos." She chuckled. "Okay fair point. What was Time Square like, were they filming anything? But the toy stores always looked really cool on Home Alone 2, were they like that?" No wonder he got lost. "I don't need pom-poms just clapping. Aww a banner would be nice, no one's ever done that for me before." Clare beamed at him. She was lucky to have a thoughtful boyfriend. "Do you like robots?" She asked Emi hopefully. Clare returned the chaste kiss before raising an eyebrow at Dakota. "But we weren't even dating until today, someone must've been pretty confident I would say yes." She teased him. Clare kissed him again. She hadn't even known he liked her and would never have dreamed of going on a date with him. Clare followed Dakota when he carried Emi out to the car. "Of course." She said quietly. "I know where the kitchen is now so I'll put them in the icebox." Clare buckled her seat belt and reached for Dakota's hand.

Kota: nodded at Clare's words as she spoke about Jos and her parents. "She won't throw a shoe at you. She's only ever hit Bren alive and dead." Dom stated. "Let's not talk about Bren until he passes." his mom said and they nodded. "You don't really need to make an impression on her. She doesn't leave her room. Never has, so if you don't go in there, you're fine." Kota stated honestly. "I never met her and I don't plan to. I also stay in Dallas' room a lot." Stacy assured. "Plus part of Grandma's always with us." Dom said honestly. "Not really, that part of her is always in my closet. Like I want Grandma with me when I use the bathroom." Kota stated. "Part of her is in my purse." Kelly shrugged. "Am I the only one that keeps part of her with me?" Ash asked and Kota looked around. "Apparently." Dom answered. Kota listened as Clare asked Emi questions and wondered if she could answer them, though he knew if she couldn't he would. "Um..." Emi trailed off looking for words. "You know how you learn the ABC's then the sounds the letter's make?" Emi asked. "We do something like that. We learn our alphabet and the sounds they make. The symbols change when you form words just like the sounds of the letters in the ABC's change." she tried explaining and wrote " す し" on a paper and showed it to Clare. "That's the sound for Sushi. The first symbol makes the shu sound." she said and took the paper back only to write "寿司" on a paper, then showed Clare again. "And that's sushi when it's written out. I memorized the symbols off a restaurant that way I'd know momma was getting sushi for dinner." she explained. "The sounds are easier and we learn them first. We don't fully learn how to write until we finish middle school since there are over a thousand symbols that take so long to learn." she huffed the last part and thanked Clare about her drawing. Hearing her ask if she had octopus she nodded. "I only had it fried. I watched someone try to eat it still living and it looked dangerous, they couldn't get the octopus out of their mouth." she explained. "I won't eat it at restaurants because they serve them whole and they dance when you put soy sauce on it. Momma got mad because I liked to make them dance so much and wouldn't eat them." she shrugged. "As for sushi, you need to try a California roll, no fish." Kota said looking at Clare. "It's rice, seaweed, fake crab, and avocado." he added and looked at Emi. "Everyone already takes a lot of photos so it's not embarrassing." she smiled at Clare. "Yea, they were just like they were on Home Alone 2, they weren't filming when I was there though." he explained. "Everything is huge in Time Square including the pizza." he added. "I haven't seen a robot. They were only in Tokyo." She stated honestly as she ate her food. "I was hoping you'd say yes." Kota smiled into the kiss. Once Emi was buckled in, Kota held Clare's hand the entire ride home. As soon as they got home, Kota smiled and unbuckled Emi and watched everyone get out of the van. "Um, can I carry Emi?" Stacy asked catching Kota off guard and to look at her. "The light in the house is on. I really don't want to deal with Bren." Stacy whined a bit causing Kota to get out of the car and look at Dallas when he stepped by them. "Is Bren home?" he asked curiously. "No, mom's inside and there's no yelling." Dallas assured causing him to sigh in relief. "Thank goodness he's not coming home." he said honestly. "I agree." Stacy sighed in relief as well as Kota lead Clare inside. He could immediately hear his mom fiddling with stuff in the kitchen and walked there holding Emi and Clare's hand still. "Bren got expelled." his mom said honestly. "I'm putting him in public school with Ash." She added and Kota looked behind him to see Ash. "I want videos. Lots of videos." he stated. "Anyway they didn't say when they're sending Bren home. Clare, if you're here feel free to hit Bren as much as you want want." His mom stated as she started to bake. "He was switched at birth." Kota stated. "Sadly he wasn't, I did a DNA test the moment you boys came up with that theory. Mom and I started to believe he really was switched at birth." Kelly said and Kota shifted Emi a bit. "I'll take her, thinking about Bren coming home is blowing my mood. Cuddling with Emi tonight will take my mind off it, just get me her pajamas." Kelly said to Kota and he let go of Clare's hand to get Emi's pajamas for his sister. Once he got back he handed Kelly the pajamas and took Clare's hand. "I'm done with worrying about Bren coming home. We have one day of peace left and I plan on spending it with Clare and Emi. I'll worry about what to do with him after he comes home." Kota stated and started to walk to his room with Clare, picking up the bag for her as they walked. Once they got to his room, he shut the door behind them and took off his slippers, then his shirt. "The bathroom's right here." he said opening a door that has a sign that has Japanese writing on it. "The sign says bathroom since Emi mistook the closet next to it for the bathroom since the doors are the same." he said honestly as he stepped inside and took out a small box. "There are tooth brushes in here, take your pick, we don't have pink though." he said knowing there were all the other colors but pink and a lot of styles and brands. "I'll be out here when you're done." he said and shut the door behind him as he left. While he was waiting for Clare to finish, he changed into his pajama bottoms and got a blanket for Clare, then laid on his bed and covered up in his black blanket.