#Whats this??? representation makes people feel more normal????? crazy concept

[ghostb0o]

Lowkey,, seeing so many people love the tnmn milkman (and yell at people who get rid of his nose bump) has been making me feel less ugly with my own nose bump and dead sunken soulless eyes

thanks guys, keep simping! *thumbs up emoji*

[analy-sing-stuff]

Hi overthinkers :D

After a really messy gap of three years, I finally red "Boy meets Maria" and I'll never be able to express how much this short story made my heart ache and melt. I can't believe I took so long because it's pure genius how it's written, and it's so SO sad we won't get anymore of it.

Anyways, let me yap a bit about it because I got SO MUCH to say, especially towards Arima's gender. I'll try to be as respectful as I can and use they/them referring to them regardless of the conclusion I take.

⚘️ spoilers ahead ⚘️

Both of the main characters are SO WELL WRITTEN in a way I've rarely seen in media these days!

"Boy meets maria" is a comic novel that makes us question so many things we have barely thought about in modern society, being them specially gender roles and norms, or how abuse comes in all sizes, shapes and colors.

Let's start with Taiga!

In a way, Taiga is the "least complex" character in this mangá. His concept is simple; he lost his mom when he was very young, his dad was irresponsible taking care of a child and drowning on his drinking addiction, and after growing up with all that, Taiga decides he wants to be a hero.

The meaning of a hero to Taiga is, simply explained, to be this great GREAT person. He wants to be a famous actor, succeed in life, and have this beautiful girlfriend to "save".

To be short, Taiga decides he doesn't want to be like his dad. His bright personality is basically his way of getting better, of being happy, and most important of all, of helping people.

I guess we can say Taiga is a very deeply conflicted character. looking for his way to the top on theater, I'd say this is him leaving his past behind and looking ou to show the world he is worth something, looking for something that may bring back to him the feeling of control contrasting how much he couldn't help but just watch his mother slowly die, and how weak he felt not knowing she was already being hurt by his father all along.

Let's say that the reason he's looking for a perfect girl for him to act like this perfect hero also has to do with the passing of his mom and the absence of his father, because to him, this is one unconscious second chance of treating a girl right and having a happy ending.

Then things don't go exactly as planned, and he meets Arima 😍

You see, Arima is a BIG part of Taiga's reality check because boy is completely HEAD OVER HEALS. Mind you, i saw some people saying they kind of cringed because of the way he acted and that he was unrealistic or a "manic pixie boy," and I totally disagree, I disagree even harder because I do know boys like him in real life and I can assure sometimes this big extroverted person is nothing more than a nod to the neglected child they were on the past.

So, yeah, when he chases Arima through the hall, this is basically him saying "don't say no to me, because I need this 😃 um excuse me, 😀 I need to be happy 🙂 dont say no" , and it's so persistent Arima ACTUALLY has to show him their genitals...so...uh...kinda crazy, huh?

But surprisingly, this is not a big deal to them if not for the inconvenience, and I'll say more, They lost all their notion of decency way before their childhood Trauma

Let's talk about Maria...No! Sorry, I mean...

Let's talk about Arima

Arima is a complex character that I appreciate so much due to never seeing a representation like them in media before.

I'd like to say that I'll not get into the sexual abuse too much because this may get too long, and it's sort of a sensitive topic for me, but I might mention it later if I feel like it.

Arima, since very little, was forced to be perceived as a girl by his mom, a type of abuse called forced feminization, where, well, you force a vulnerable individual to use exaggerated accessories that would match better a woman according to the known gender norm.

It was clear, However, that Arima never had a normal childhood being perceived as a girl, since none of what they had was granted because they wished, it was what their mom wished to fullfill HER wishes, and so on Arima felt like a boy but had to keep the image of being a girl solid and intact, after all, it was all they knew.

This is really big on their relationship with Taiga, since they basically reverse roles when they mature

This pannel, for example, is screaming gender roles, with Arima being stuck to pink and girl toys while Taiga is surrounded by all types of boy toys. This pannel has, also, big foreshadowing for their image of a hero when they were little. While Taiga thinks he can be this awesome image of a savior he wished to become, Arima holds on to a hero, shyly showing that not only they need to be who they truly are, since this is also the only toy on the picture that they hold on and that they're trully interested, but they also look for a saviour, someone who could take them out of the feeling of not belonging, someone who could understand what they need. The only thing also separating both of them is a flower, which is much symbolical to their different perspective growing up and the curious impact of Taiga's dad in their lives.

The cover for this mangá is the paralel we get from the back, and honestly, it's so beautiful how it doesn't necessarily mean it is about Arima detaching from their feminity, Rather just how much Taiga helped them realize they don't need to look feminine to be accepted and fullfill anyone's wishes.

To me, at the end of chapter 6, it's most likely that yes, Arima might be a boy suffering from detachment of something that they knew since they were very little, the role of a girl; AND HEAR ME OUT! THE THEATHER CONTEXT WAS GENIOUS!!!

Arima, their whole life, were assigned as this little girl, that deep down, was unhappy with their identity.

Then they go through this horrible fucking abuse and they feel vulnerable and weak,and they say, well, I'm a boy. That's it, that's who I always was.

And then, they go to their first play and they play as a boy, and they act (literally) as a boy, but the second their abuser is there to see them, (motherfucker) they lose it.

They lose it because, in the first place, all that happened to them was because of the rumor they weren't really a girl, and concluding that, they run away from their real them to avoid facing their trauma and their identity.

So Arima only acts as a girl on plays (literally) despite acting so well as a male character, hiding their talent and their feelings from everyone.

Until Taiga appears and never give up on them, which is beautiful.

And then, in the end, we understand that maybe they are not a boy, maybe they are not a girl, maybe they are both, maybe they are neither, but;

1. Their gender is not defined by what they look like

2. It's nobody's business

I can't put into words how well written this whole scene is. The way they mimick how the abuse was, the way they're scared of getting attached to someone again, the way they're mentally destroyed by the doubt and the feeling of weakness and how none of this matters because Taiga love's them.

No matter the gender, Taiga fell in love with Yuu.

And then they feel comfortable again, which seals pretty much this comic.

No matter which role (gender or theather lol) Yuu chooses, they'll always be Yuu Arima, and they'll always be special.

THAT'S IT OH MY GOD, I MIGHT HAVE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, THIS TOOK ME SO LONG, ANYWAYS LOVE THEM SO SAD IT'S NOT A BIG SERIES BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD WTFF 🥹

[almostyours]

hi have you considered any other fcs for the girls ? the lineup is exquisite don't get me wrong i'm just curious

oooooo of course i have!  and maybe u just wanted a normal response from me,  but i am going to make this reply a bit more visual and fun  (for me)  because i am going to explain what i was looking out for in my girls and why i decided not to choose ___ and ___ and yada yada because i'm feeling crazy!�� also because i’m taking inspiration from @/pureun because they did something like this before and i thought it was really fun  <3  but trust me,  it will be really hard to get sana,  jisoo,  and yuqi out of my hands.  they are set on stone at this point!

first off,  we are starting with my darling kaia.  for her i wanted someone to bring the fun to the group and,  for lack of better words,  friendly-looking.  approachable,  lighthearted,  someone who exudes comfort to even those she’s not close to,  someone very fun to look at when on stage,  and someone who is known to be a wonder to be around with.  a mom friend,  basically.  but i also wanted someone no one would ever suspect of doing anything wrong,  which is why it was such a shock to fans when rumors circulated that kaia mistreated a stylist and that she is known by her inner circle to have anger issues  🙈  

i immediately thought of sana minatozaki when i came up with her because hellooooooooooooo!  and she was perfect because i actually wanted a japanese fc as i wanted kaia to be a member of akb48.  i also really liked the idea of kaia pulling a xg’s cocona and going viral for flawlessly rapping in three languages 😮‍💨 and idk just the thought of the face of baby girlism sana having anger issues and rapping in the levels of soyeon will always be funnie to me

i consider and think about nana komatsu as kaia every now and then,  though.  there was a time that i actually wanted her to be the oldest out of the three and in a way i could see nana fitting her background,  especially as an idol who likes to stay low-key with her own endeavors,  but i just don’t see her as kaia.  maybe as idol!kaia,  but not kaia,  yknow?    i also think that the vibes of nana!kaia would have been a little bit too similar to yvan’s,  and the thing about hiraeth is that the three of them are different from each other

mina myoi also crossed my mind because madre!  but it’s the opposite of nana’s situation.  i see her as kaia,  sure,  but not as idol!kaia  D:

for poppy, i wanted someone who gave off princess-y,  royalty like vibes with a dash of cunt,  especially as she’s the group's representation of elegance and maturity.  miss little pretty face,  a reserved woman with a big mouth and an open mind,  devoted to her craft as an idol and as a producer,   someone people and other idols look up to,  usually kept under a microscope by knetizens because there’s no way anyone could be that nice  (and she’s not even that nice,  she just minds her business!),  if her face is involved,  the brand’s stocks are sure to rise,  and she’s not that intimidating,  but there’s something about her that makes people hesitate to approach—not just because of her beauty or her monotone-like attitude,  but because she’s poppy.  i also wanted someone who seemed really put together on the outside,  but in reality they are not as poppy is chronically ill and kinda insane ngl  😔

i think out of the three, poppy’s main fc is the one i don’t think i’d ever change. i’m really attached to jisoo as miss pawppy—  like,  there’s so much history in here friendsies!!  poppy is jisoo,  just with some alterations that i’d love to talk about eventually,  but i’d be lying if i said i haven’t thought of other people as poppy.  not because i don’t see her in jisoo anymore,  but because i’m so attached to poppy as a character that i see her everywhere,  either as a concept or as someone else.

eunbi never never neeeever fails to remind me of her…  she’s genuinely the perfect alternate fc,  especially since she’s the same age as jisoo so if i did the change, i wouldn’t need to adjust anything!  but i have a really strong bias,  and i know that if i ever changed her fc to eunbi,  i’d end up switching back  😭 

and here’s where i admit that each girl is inspired by current or former idols,  and poppy is lowkey inspired by hirai momo who has always reminded me of her—  in terms of her personality,  stage presence and her looks.  like that one picture she posted during the miumiu fashion show…  where she was sitting and looking back at the camera with her bare back,  like yall,  that's poppy!  😵‍😵‍😵‍  but again,  i have a bias.  plus i also want kaia to be the only japanese woman in the group

now heejin would have been the perfect candidate to be poppy’s fc if only poppy wasn't a hag,  so yeah.  that’s never gonna happen unless i make an alt universe where they are younger…  :p

for yvan,  i wanted someone with the it factor—  someone who graduated from servington university with a degree in serving!!!  😝  i wanted someone approachable and relatable,  THEY/THEM realness fr, a best friend or at least a friend to many,  admired for their genuine love for their job and their talents,  fun and quirky with a dash of chaoticness that usually keeps everyone on their toes,  so big-mouthed it often lands them in trouble but usually works out in their favor,  and despite doing absolutely nothing  (they absolutely did or said something btw),  their name is always on everyone’s mouths.  i also wanted someone who could “snatch” the golden maknae title from j*ngkook,  which is the reason why armys fucking hates them and keep making up stuff about someone who’s not only globally liked but also j*ngkook’s number one wingman!  🙄

yvan actually went through a lot of fc changes until i started to pay attention to g-idle during the queencard era.  when i say everything clicked when i watched this yuqi fancam…  yeah.  since then i’ve never considered changing their fc.  yuqi is literally everything i envisioned for yvan  <3

xiaoting was one of their initial fcs and the one who stuck around the longest  (i even have old edits with her face and everything),  but i couldn’t quite see yvan in her as much as i wanted to  ):  

now ningning…   siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighs.  it’s similar to poppy’s situation with heejin—  though she’s the perfect candidate to be yvan’s face claim,  she was too young to be in a group with ’95 liners,  and i wasn’t going to age-bend anyone for that.  maybe in another universe…

i initially created the idea of yvan with yves in mind  (catch the “y” at the beginning of their stage names?  not really a coincidence lmao),  but due to some plot changes to fit the narrative of my friend’s and my ideas,  i decided to switch their ethnicity.

but wait.  alternate faceclaims but instead they are younger and have just debuted recently…  wait!

[gayofthefae]

Thinking about how Finn said that “personal growth” and “learning things about themselves” thing not about Mike in the chair like I misremembered (I grouped it in with the “normal” line) BUT IN RESPONSE TO A QUESTION ABOUT MIKE AND EL’S RELATIONSHIP.

Listen, I know that El learned knew stuff and that is clear. But the idea that Mike learned new things about himself and went through personal growth when the primary focus was on his joint relationship implies to me that that wasn’t the only thing he was thinking about.

Also, I am thinking about the things he did need to learn about himself for the introspection required for the I love you speech, but it almost feels like an omission of more unreliable narration that we weren’t let in on the transition of him figuring that out - seemingly between the painting scene and the speech but including prior, more ambiguous scenes.

It was a payoff to him not saying I love you for both of them on the surface but actually...what was it a payoff to? Because conceptually the like structure pitch is “he can’t say I love you then he does” not the PLOT. So it is FASCINATING to me that it wasn’t emphasized to us at all. Like no further scenes to show how El feels unloved after that one scene for the rest of the season other than parallels GA wouldn’t catch. And more importantly, we did not see Mike’s inability causing him any pain or making him feel pent up. We saw it clearly causing him guilt. But there was no emphasis or representation whatsoever of what he was actually going through. The anxiety reasoning wasn’t presented until right before - in the previous episode to the speech. Everything else was ambiguous and seemed to be more guilt oriented surrounding how it made El feel that he couldn’t and the following events causing her to leave. He felt at fault for her leaving and possibly being in danger and he felt bad about how they left things. He wanted her back. But that is a separate concept from how he was feeling about being incapable of saying it even BEFORE she brought it up. If she hadn’t been hurt and there hadn’t been consequences...would he have been comfortable? What internal effect was it having? Was there torment? Was he trying to say/write it? Did he not even notice and just subconsciously omit it? 

The fact that we don’t know is what’s crazy to me. Because it means that the set up and payoff are bookended but not earned. We are told he can’t say I love you and she’s sad about it. We talk about other shit for 7 episodes (yes, including Mike, because I am not counting guilt, only explanation). Then he says I love you. EMPHASIS ON We talk about other shit for 7 episodes. It was not about them. Mike felt guilty and El was preoccupied. We are told we should care but it just feels weird. Because honestly? I DO care! But the way that the writers handled it dampened that a little bit. It didn’t ignite it. Not in a like dampening joy sense just like a flame that wasn’t tended to and died out. It wasn’t tended to. They didn’t maintain anything but “I couldn’t tell her but I wish I had told her...you know...that”. Okay so all we know total is that he wishes he had been able to tell her and she wishes he had been able to tell her but we don’t know WHY he couldn’t tell her and we only know that she wishes he HAD been able to tell her. We don’t have enough details to know if saying it now would even fix things because the thing that hurt already happened! It might fix things! But we were given insufficient information to know that!

It feels earned. But only for the people watching the show for them. It would be like Byler kissing in season 5 episode 1. It’s out of the blue. It’s unearned. The fans following subtext are excited, but your average Joe was NOT paying attention to those side details and implied subtextual messaging enough to know or care or get behind it. Nice. Good for them. Now what else is on. If you’re just a general audience member, it satisfied just enough. It’s a band aid. It’s a slapped on excuse. It’s a question’s answer spat out just for the people who don’t care enough to ask any more. “What’s gonna fix that” “I love you” “oh...ok...fixed”. It’s for the people who care about the concept of a plot conflict being resolved more than the specifics of what that conflict or resolution even are. There was a question. There was tension until it was answered. It was answered. Nobody cares what the answer was.

If you think about it, there is only a setup and payoff - no build. That’s not how that goes. That’s not how writing works - at least not when you’re trying for that. You can’t just say “I want this”, wait a while and then give it to them. They didn’t do anything to achieve it. Mike was venting but we didn’t watch him do any sort of work on himself or introspection or anything really to achieve what he seemed to. Even his reaction to the big thing that supposedly would cause that adjustment wasn’t shown to us. And El’s plot wasn’t even about that at all. If anything, the fight was a driving force for her to run into the arms of her main plot. They essentially created a clear and easy setup, executed an unrelated complicated and planned plot, and then were like “oh yeah” and wrote an ending.

Except, obviously, they didn’t. They would have done that if they didn’t care. But they do care. Which is why it was purposeful.

It’s just like what I just said about the M&M’s season 3 season in the hospital being right in the middle of the action. They don’t want you to care about their romantic relationship. They don’t want you to be against it and they want you to be in support of them in general, which is why they have plenty of scenes with focus like the pineapple pizza scene - platonic and happy. But multiple of their payoffs are plotlines are deprioritized. From the start. Mike and Lucas were fighting and they needed to stick together to find Will - One of El’s narrative functions there being to drive them apart to hinder that ability. Mike was with Will and El was finding her family. El was with Max. It was one-sided). El was regaining her memories and Mike was struggling with guilt.

They have always either had other primary focus or only one of them was focused on the other. And what did all these seasons end with? They kissed after bonding, but amidst a focus of Mike and Lucas’ fighting and overcoming for the sake of friendship. They went to the Snow Ball together, but after spending the whole season with other people. They got back together, but after one of them not initiating anything in that regard (ironically, her grief caused her focus to shift - not that it wasn’t one of her focuses it just wasn’t #1). Mike said I love you, but only after she spent the whole season working through her lab trauma. Their plots were not buildups to their payoffs. They never have been. Because their payoffs have always been romantic. But the little moments sprinkled out have been what’s really important. While it hasn’t been emphasized like the unearned moments, it has been there throughout. ( Also I don’t know where to add this in but the distraction of Max cutting the speech off aka being a priority basically saying “other things are still happening” just like the cuts in the hospital scene did: “there are more important things” was more of the energy than them feeling connected at all.)

Because their platonic relationship may not be the big music swell, but it’s what will stick with you. Because those are the moments that were given the time and the true focus. They weren’t distracted from. Because those platonic moments are both the most important ones FROM their relationship and their relationship is not the most important thing from their individual storylines. So the built up arcs, the earned ones, have been something different. Not gonna list again but prime example: El telling Brenner no and standing confident in her decision rather than being told “I love you”.

They have important moments together but the moments that would supposedly end their arc for the season are unearned because the romantic nature and what they actually are was previously referenced but not built up. The moments given the time of day were not buildup or payoffs at all, but rather little in between moments where they simply enjoyed one another or offered understanding and support. Their plots are romantic and that’s why they don’t work. Because the most important part of their relationship has always been just being there. 

[kikuism]

hello mariam!! 💕💖 it fills me with joy when you reblog things from me and i can see the little 'kou' or 'kaname' or 'kiku' tag. they are like old friends to me. how are they doing? and how is your writing going?? i know we both share much less of it (or none of it) on tumblr these days but i hope it's going well. give your ocs a little kiss for me mwah <3

jenna your messages always make me smile 💗💓💞 i always think it's funny how i've done a complete 180 with regards to my writing....i wouldn't shut up about it, and now it’s become absolutely private and personal to me, and the thought of sharing it now feels like it would take a huge leap of faith. but i'm still writing, writing a lot ... with the same old struggles. i wish i wasn't so hard on myself, but that just means i've grown in my skills. still, i wish i could just write freely and without abandon and not pick it apart afterward.

i rotate between kiku kou and kaname all the time!! i literally feel kiku and kou growing up with me, they've been with me for so long....lately i've put them in the taisho era bc it's a fascinating time period in regard to the fusion between eastern and western culture that was flourishing (and causing a lot of anxieties) in the country. i also really love the aesthetics/fashion of this period. kiku and naomi are aloof listless heirs in their huge sprawling estate etc. they just don't really know what to do with themselves. then one afternoon new household staff arrives in the form of a blind boy....

one thing i found really interesting during my research was this concept of 'feminized' masculinity in regards to the increased consumerism and consumption of western culture and aesthetics that was happening in this era; the adoption of western material culture was 'showy' and superficial and therefore it was feminized. contrasted with this more rugged notion of masculinity that rejected everything western and was upheld by conforming to traditional values like devotion to the nation. these two representations of masculinity constituted differing responses to the problem of modernity. the fear that the nation was becoming emasculated in the wake of foreign influence is one i hadn't heard of before...it all comes down to a fear of losing one's identity in the wake of change. can you still maintain a sense of self while evolving into something new? i thought to parallel this change happening on a smaller more personal scale to kou entering the confines of kiku’s home and the feelings he arouses in him. he's puzzled and intrigued and attracted all at once. although his family embraces modern sensibilities in terms of dress and art, it's really just for appearances sake, because at this time it was still mainly the wealthy who could afford these types of clothes and luxuries. on the inside they are quite a traditional family, so there's that tension as well. i also read a little about how servants were portrayed in the literature of this time period, and how in this shared space master and servant sometimes crossed boundaries especially in the way these modern homes were constructed.

oh and kaname!! so much has changed. the assassin plotline has kind of dropped completely......it's not at all what i'm focusing on right now. i've discovered a lot about her through backstory and it's basically all i write now. it's crazy....i felt blocked for so so long with her, but all i had to do was focus on another aspect of her and then the words started pouring out. in this wip i focus on the tensions between those who are living on the fringes of society and the 'normal' people inside, no matter how frugally they might be living. kaname belongs to the former. there was a class of people in the edo period called eta who engaged in professions related to death, blood and the handling of corpses and were therefore considered defiled and unclean by the rest of society and all their work was confined to the outskirts of the villages and neighborhoods. they weren't allowed in these places unless it was to beg and only then at certain times. they were severely ostracized and had to adhere to strict rules regarding almost every aspect from their life, from the way they dressed to who they married, and an eta was considered 1/6th of a regular person. it's .... really hard to do research on the eta bc there don't seem to be that many records from that time and often i need really specific information like what the inside of their huts looked like 😭 i need information on these eta villages and what they were like. kaname works in leather making, particularly skinning hides. she's living a rather numb, listless life and her only solace comes from sneaking off and standing on the great ryogoku bridge that connects her world to the lively world of the other side, where people wear different colored kimono and eat real food and seem to live actual lives. her only friend is a sickly girl named nana who lives deeper in the eta village but who spends her evenings with her after her work drinking tea and eating the slurry of grains that make up their supper.

nana seems content with life, but kaname is restless. she really wants to eat the food she sees being sold at stalls in the village on the other side of the bridge. i love kaname and nana, they're literally 🌑 and☀️.

nana loves taking care of her and kaname is like. ew. stop that. but she tries to do whatever she can to make nana happy bc her smile and laugh soothe her :') not that she examines these emotions too closely or anything. one night during the summer fireworks festival, one of the times when the eta are permitted to enter the inner village, they both go to sell handmade dolls and other paraphernalia in the hopes of getting some alms. but the night ends badly, and that's when kaname's story really starts....

so that's where i am with my writing! it's so hard but it's so fun. the light of my life. and omg i finally posted some kaname stuff 🫣

[shinneth]

I really shouldn't be so afraid to post this, but this one post has bothered me enough to the point where I just had to rant about it. I won't be surprised if this post results in a lot of followers dumping my ass. There's another controversial rant post I'm gonna make soon, so I guess this is a good enough warm-up.

It does take a lot of mental gymnastics to make "Rules for thee, not for me" sound justifiable.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Also, I don't think that equity is working out very well right now with the race-bent Snow White.

Side-note: Snow White's fucking name comes from the in-story explanation: "skin as white as snow". But that's not something we should respect right!

Just imagine the number of hopeful girls who would've been honored to have been chosen for the role of Disney's first-ever princess and would have shown so much more respect for the role and the story than this. I'd hope the social brownie points were worth it, but most people are actually seeing this lady for what she truly is.

Hell, the bigger problem nowadays is how most Disney Princesses are being given the same feminist story beats, being strong independent women who don't need no man and are also total girl bosses. Sure, just gut out the story in the name of "progression". And slowly make the Disney Princesses a "progressive" hive mind.

Also, there's the whole Nani controversy that really shows how skewed the priorities are of everyone who advocates for blackwashing established white characters.

Nani being dark-skinned isn't crucial to the story, though. Her actress is still a native Hawaiian, which is objectively the more important representative aspect of casting in a movie set in Hawaii with Hawaiian culture being heavily featured.

Look, personally I'd advocate for casting people who actually look like the characters they're portraying if these live-action remakes must be a thing.

But clearly the Hollywood execs don't agree. So this casting doesn't bother me. If anything, I find it hilarious - especially after seeing everyone throw a hissy fit over this. It showcases their hypocrisy, as these are the same people who were all "CHANGING ARIEL'S SKIN COLOR DOESN'T MATTER YOU BIGOTS". On top of that, these people are actually wishing harm on this actress, solely over her skin color.

Let me guess, though. It isn't really racism if colored people oppress and threaten and harm white people, right? By this logic, it's just a matter of ~equity~ that fair-skinned folk are subjected to the same prejudice. For fuck's sake.

Nah, let's just normalize the concept that no one can relate to a character unless said character looks just like them. Let's encourage kids to embrace narcissism and refuse to find commonalities in characters that don't physically resemble them in any way.

Because apparently it doesn't matter that I can't see myself and my mother in Tiana, even though her driven, workaholic underdog story resonates with us. But because we're not black, we're not allowed to feel a kinship. It's inconceivable for a little girl to feel that she, for what she is on the inside, can relate to a Disney Princess that she shares no physical traits with.

Maybe I'm just crazy for believing we should focus more on who we are than what we are. Maybe I'm a monster for discouraging indulgence in narcissistic behavior. Am I a bigot for rolling my eyes every time I hear a cry for "MUH REPRESENTATION"?

I like to think I'm not. But society is so heavily fucked in so many ways these days. So much that I'm actually afraid to post this publicly.

But I shouldn't be afraid to speak my mind when I see bullshit being glorified. So I'm gonna give my piece, come what may.

[limeade-l3sbian]

i couldn't get behind the lesbian ending of lok because it felt like an ass-pull for representation after they both went for the same guy earlier, especially with the cattiness between the women before then. i also couldn't get behind kuvira because she was a cop, and because her character existing implied toph slept with a man (and was also a cop), especially when kuvira also went for men, romantically.

more than that, i'm bothered by the shitty plot, especially the way they threw out basically everything important to the world of atla. atla very strongly supported things like harmony with nature and portrayed much of industrialization as a bad thing for the world (due to both the harm it does to humans AND the harm it does to the environment), but the "better world" of lok is steampunk? only about 100 years or so have passed iirc, and the world has become a completely industrialized, westernized, capitalistic place. it's depressing. the destruction of the avatar cycle combining with that really grossed me out.

plot wise, it just felt infinitely less cohesive and controlled than atla. atla felt like it had things to say (many of them based around social justice and environmental justice), and built a strong story around those things without faltering for even a moment. lok felt like a sloppy anime that clumsily tried to forcibly inject social justice talking points into the plot. it's unfortunate because there are a few impressive character designs and concepts, and i would have loved an atla sequel following a female incarnation of the avatar (and actual, solid gay representation would be nice too), but it just failed to be anything actually impressive, imo.

on the downlow, i kind of feel it paved the way for the steven universe era of cartoons, where children's cartoons are heavily marketed to adults (who they rely on for an audience more than the actual kids the show is meant for) using nostalgic references and weirdly inserted social talking points and instances of representation that feel more like the creators are saying "LOOK HOW STUNNING AND BRAVE AND SUBVERSIVE AND PROGRESSIVE WE ARE" rather than actually trying to tell stories, convey messages they feel strongly about, or represent people authentically. i know a lot of right-wing people use that sort of argument in bad faith, but a lot of these pieces of media with gay representation or therapy talk make me feel like i'm a brand or a market audience rather than a normal type of person.

i couldn't get behind the lesbian ending of lok because it felt like an ass-pull for representation after they both went for the same guy earlier, especially with the cattiness between the women before then. i also couldn't get behind kuvira because she was a cop, and because her character existing implied toph slept with a man (and was also a cop), especially when kuvira also went for men, romantically.

LISTEN ANON LISTEN AUGHHH

Okay! One, you're right! the lebsian ending meant a lot to my coming out development, but i was literally trying to tell people, like, "didn't this shit feel a little rushed?" like, yes they did write to each other and all that and oh, asami said she liked korra's hair (you know, like girls do).

Two, I think you've got Kuvira and Lin mixed up, but your point is no less valid since I completely understand what you're saying. i think the move to turn toph into a cop was supposed to be a funny little "isn't that crazy that the most rebellious member of the group became a cop?" but it's like, yeah, it is crazy. Two point five? If you want to tell me that Toph isn't a lesbian, I might lose some support but I can kind of understand that. To me, Toph is just a tomboy who doesn't like to be restrained. But at the same time, I also don't think that woman is one to just have sex with a cop, have fucking kids, and ugh. Like, I understand they wanted the fun of writing the offspring of a fan favorite, but honestly? Maybe Lin and Suyin should have just been adopted under some strange circumstances because I have never been able to buy that Toph slept with a man. I think that woman cares about herself and helping out when need be.

Three! Kuvira and Lin being straight is another example that another anon said about the writers not being able to fully commit. You know damn well those women aren't straight and you damn sure didn't draw them for the osa gaze. THAT WAS FOR US.

more than that, i'm bothered by the shitty plot, especially the way they threw out basically everything important to the world of atla. atla very strongly supported things like harmony with nature and portrayed much of industrialization as a bad thing for the world (due to both the harm it does to humans AND the harm it does to the environment), but the "better world" of lok is steampunk? only about 100 years or so have passed iirc, and the world has become a completely industrialized, westernized, capitalistic place. it's depressing. the destruction of the avatar cycle combining with that really grossed me out.

I NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS

I'll be honest, I wondered how they would go about portraying the future of this world since something that really drew me to it was the necessity of bending. To be a bender was a true boon in the original series. So much so that an entire city functioned off of it. I thought it was so cool the way the fire nation stole the concept of the hot air balloon and were able to create something arguably better around their bending. Bringing more tech advancements into the mix always felt like it would sort of ruin a little of that magic, and to me, it did. Seeing them driving and stuff, I was kind of flat faced. Like nah, what happened to the cool ass animals they ride on and stuff? It definitely took a little bit of the magic away. There had to have been a better way to push the plot into the future (if you really felt so inclined) without completely turning it over on its head.

plot wise, it just felt infinitely less cohesive and controlled than atla. atla felt like it had things to say (many of them based around social justice and environmental justice), and built a strong story around those things without faltering for even a moment. lok felt like a sloppy anime that clumsily tried to forcibly inject social justice talking points into the plot. it's unfortunate because there are a few impressive character designs and concepts, and i would have loved an atla sequel following a female incarnation of the avatar (and actual, solid gay representation would be nice too), but it just failed to be anything actually impressive, imo.

I stand by the fact that I liked the series, but people often think that means you can't talk crap about it at all, and that's simply not true. But this is. I think what I enjoyed about this continuation was the inclusion of more fight scenes. I liked seeing the different ways people used their bending. I've always loved that. I'm an action gal lmao. Plot wise, tho? I understand your point completely.

on the downlow, i kind of feel it paved the way for the steven universe era of cartoons, where children's cartoons are heavily marketed to adults (who they rely on for an audience more than the actual kids the show is meant for) using nostalgic references and weirdly inserted social talking points and instances of representation that feel more like the creators are saying "LOOK HOW STUNNING AND BRAVE AND SUBVERSIVE AND PROGRESSIVE WE ARE" rather than actually trying to tell stories, convey messages they feel strongly about, or represent people authentically. i know a lot of right-wing people use that sort of argument in bad faith, but a lot of these pieces of media with gay representation or therapy talk make me feel like i'm a brand or a market audience rather than a normal type of person.

Damn, that's true. The only thing I'll say is that I don't even really think it did that either. I can't tell you any lesson I learned or was told through LoK except "gay ok" and I already knew that.

You've got some really dope perspective, anon. <3

[lovestsaint]

ok i promised this

(plus how i'd rewrite it)

rating from 1 (worst representation ever borderline homophobic) to 10 (actually still pretty good). buckle up this is gonna suck for me specifically. 

tw for death, religious talk of sorts, misrepresentation of mental health, and overall bad portrayals of gay people. i was Not a Good Writer in middle school.

dismay and joy

oh Fuck

BACKSTORY:

these two were from “nightmare circus”, an idea for a rpg maker game i wanted to do (SUPER BORING NAME but i was 12 it’s excusable)

set in 1800s inside of a circus, and the secrets the ringleader is hiding from the performers. very inspired by franbow and night woods circus (vocaloid)

important characters here : the jesters. 12 matching circus jesters who have a corresponding emotion they act as. (ex. anger jester, sadness jester, etc.)

backstory of them is that they’re all runaways/orphans who found their way to this circus, have been working there since.

BACK TO JOY AND DISMAY. dismay arrived at a young age around the same time joy did. they quickly became close friends. not all of the jesters are close or even friends, but! these two had a genuine connection.

i will say tho.. on a different note.. while dismay had many questions and concerns about their situation and the circus, joy unknowingly tended to shut down those arguments by trying to keep dismay happy.

THE QUEER ASPECT:

im gonna be honest. there was no real relationship 💔

dismay developed feelings for joy in her 20s, but it’s supposed to be unclear if joy shared the same feelings or even knew. i never really had a solidified idea for this part of the story, but here’s what i considered a) joy wasn’t aware, and didn’t have romantic feelings for her b) joy knew but didn’t reciprocate. she also didn’t want to reject dismay and hurt their friendship so she wouldn’t mention it.

since it was the 1800s, option 1 is probably the most realistic and the one i'd go with.

BACK TO STORY:

then before the actual story would’ve even started joy would’ve died. uhhh

the original plot was that joy went cRaZY 🤪 and died for. Some reason. for obvious reasons i don’t like this plot point anymore!

HOW I'D WRITE IT NOW:

NOW. i would make it so that joy got injured on the job. probably one that’s more so internal than visible. joy doesn’t take time to heal and continues to overexert herself. eventually this catches up to her physical health, and when she has to rest, her internal injuries get worse. the show must go on however and because of that the ringleader continues to work her, even more so than before. maybe she’s delirious one day and another accident happens. everything piles up and she’s fatally injured. the ringleader notices she may not recover and therefore, is disregarded. replaced by someone else almost immediately

this isn’t the best concept but hey, it’s better than the original.

rating this a 6.5 because it’s onesided, unrequited, and.. bury your gays trope… you know…

san flor josé

BACKSTORY:

san flor josé resides in purgatory. in this universe, people either go to heaven and hell but if someone dies before their supposed time, they end up in purgatory. depending on where they were supposed to go, they’ll spend time trying to prove themselves to the respective ruler (satan or god) that they either: deserve to have another chance at life or if they’re in hell, that they belong in heaven instead.

san flor josé was born josé hernández flores in 1891, and lived in mexico his entire life. he grew up working class and his family was made up of farmers. in 1910, the mexican revolutionary war started and, feeling inclined to defend his family and the other working class people around him, he enlisted at age 19. (there’s more to this but! im trying to summarize). josé is 29 by the time the war ends, and tried to live a normal life after - going back to his hometown, helped out the community, and regularly went to church.

THE QUEER ASPECT:

when he came back, he met another man (at some point…) and they fell in love. due to the time period, they couldn’t express it freely and would only meet in private. they were together for 3 years when josé contracted a disease which developed into pneumonia. due to lack of resources, josé died.

josé was devoutly religious his entire life, and his sexual orientation was a main cause of distress for his relationship to his faith. however, he was hoping to end up in heaven. when he woke up in a desolate wasteland with the grim reaper standing above him, he knew something was wrong. he was then told he died at the wrong time, but there was a way to gain his life back. he agreed, and the grim reaper told him that he was going to end up in hell, so that was where he would be working. josé was understandably devastated: he was sure he did everything right. why did he end up here?

while josé was a man dedicated to his family and faith, his homosexuality was too great of a sin for god to ignore.

he renamed himself san flor josé, and still resides in purgatory, feeling no inclination to come back to earth. that thought died when his lover passed away a decade after his death. he has an established position in hell and is up in ranks, working closely with the grim reaper.

HOW I’D WRITE IT NOW:

san flor josé was sorta my commentary on someone trying to do everything right in their life, but oppressive religion demeaning their existence solely for the “lifestyle” they live. as you can tell i had a complicated relationship with religion in middle school LOL

honestly i don’t mind this backstory!! maybe im still not aware of its issues but i think it works for the story im trying to tell with him.

the one thing i would AND DID change was his relationship with another person in purgatory, tricky. tricky came to purgatory around 2016 and works under him. they had a .. weird relationship??? tricky would have a crush on him and flirt often. he wasn’t interested but .. he never corrected her??? it was very black hat and demencia from villainous coded. but also tricky died at 16 originally .. and he was 32. ummm ermm!!!

this is super weird to me now and yeah i changed it not too long ago! she still works under him but she’s more like a daughter to him than anything. tricky is 18 now too, but that’s just because I thought her story would work better if she was older. they have a lot more familial relationship in the story now.

i think i'd rate this a 7.5, i still like the story for the most part and i think his character conveys what idea i was going for

ian and max

BACKSTORY:

in the future, space travel is Somewhat commercialized. not in the “regular ass people going to mars” type way - more like government approved groups go to space to try and create alliances or are sent to collect resources. in my main groups case, they go to establish alliances and they work to help other planets, either with inner conflicts or how commercialized space exploration affected them.

the main crew consists of: amelie (the muscle and de facto leader), alice (navigator), ian (ACTUAL leader and dictates which planets they travel to), andromeda (tech & maintains care of airship), max (inventor & translator), and sirus (a robot max & andromeda invent later on) !

they all didn’t initially intend to work together (with the exception of alice and ian, childhood friend win), but since they couldn’t find anyone else they stick by each other.

IAN AND MAX’S RELATIONSHIP:

a few days in and they already don’t like each other. max is very excitable and - in ian’s eyes - irresponsible, while ian is reserved and - in max’s eyes - has a huge stick up his ass. though, ian disliked max more than max disliked ian - ian thinking max’s presence was not just a nuisance but an actual threat to the success of their group.

they continue! to not get along throughout the first 6 months of their voyage. but they’re functional, they can at least co-exist together. that is until something goes wrong on a planet, and max is the one that fucks up.

he's immediately apologetic, it’s an actual mistake he didn’t even try to overlook. despite everyone else understanding, ian snaps; he begins berating max, telling him he’s unreliable and shouldn’t even be in their crew. ian probably regretted these words the next day, but at that moment he was only focused on airing out every issue he had with max - the crew member that completely ruined their mission due to negligence. max is understandably upset; in no way did he mean to make this mistake, people slip up, it happens. ian isn’t listening at this point - while the rest of the crew chastises ian, max insults him back - noting how since the beginning ian has always had something against him.

this marks a shift in their relationship, as now they’re both on mutual terms of heavy dislike. they might work in the same ship, but that doesn’t mean they have to interact. so they don’t: they ignore each other and only interact if necessary (much to the rest of the crew’s concern and uncomfortableness).

this continues on until one day, both of them get captured by an alien planet. they are put in prison and placed right next to each other. for the first few days they don’t talk, thinking their crew is just about to save them. the week passes and they’re still in the prison cells. they come to the awful realization: they’re gonna have to work together to get out of here.

THE QUEER ASPECT:

max is an openly gay man, while previous to this, ian’s sexuality wasn’t talked about. this was gonna be the first time his sexuality was discussed.

this is where the story was gonna go: they start talking again in the cells, initially just to devise a way out. then, they start talking about their issues, and ian is .. supposed to confess he actually liked max the entire time.

max.. accepts the confession and they start dating after they come back to the ship. hm.

HOW I’D WRITE IT NOW:

umm I don’t like this idea anymore.. obviously.. soo i changed it!

how the story goes now: they refuse to talk the first few days, trying to come up with their own plan of escape. after the first week, they begrudgingly decide to truce (for the time being) and work on a way out. a month passes and they figure out a good plan, putting into action that same day. they’re on the run after this and need to find a place to rest. they travel for the next month, switching from place to place trying not to get caught. all the while, they try to regain communication with their team.

the whole month before they were only discussing solutions and plans, but during the second month they actively start to discuss the issues they have with each other. ian ultimately apologizes for his actions and, now seeing that max is more than capable of being a dependable work partner, starts to respect him. max is still hurt by the words said back on ship, but sees that ian wants to work on himself and that the apology is genuine. they’re not friends just yet, but they can work together and have a newfound understanding of the other.

when their crew can finally rescue them safely, everyone is relieved to find that they actually sorta get along now. thank god.

THE QUEER ASPECT (REWRITTEN):

throughout the story they become friends, genuine arguing turns into light hearted banter. max messes with ian significantly more, just for funsies.

they remain that way for a whileee when. guys. is it just me. max definitely has his arm around ian right. huh.

it’s more so a background development but they become kinda . Touchy. later on. no one really notices it but it’s a change for sure. well no one really notices it at first but when you see your kinda-boss lean in a little too close to the self proclaimed little freak of your friend group, things get a little confusing

the literal definition of an offscreen slow burn. its like klance but worse because its my original characters. they definitely talked about it on their own time but are they telling the rest of the crew anything? No. one day they’re chilling on opposite sides of the couch, the next day max calls ian “babe” in front of everyone. everyone on that spacecraft is getting emotional whiplash.

the old story i'd rate a 4 out of 10. new one probably a 6.5/7, it still needs reworking but SOO much better than the first one (atleast in my eyes)

overall i'd rate 10-13 year old me's writing a 5/10 he did try ill give him that but. sad trombone music. happy pride month btw :)

[rachelarobinson]

Reading & Response #4

For the first reading, what I read was stuff that I mainly already knew about but it was interesting still to read examples of Futurist and Dada movements that I hadn’t known about previously . One of my favorite concepts from these movements is how performance art challenges contemporary art, the most elite art at the time, being paintings and statues. It’s always so fascinating to me to see such unfamiliar art being performed to challenge the basic criteria of what is art and how it’s evaluated and to see more and more things to be considered art rather than that standard at the time. As stated in the reading, this kind of art is against the establishment, the commercialization of art, and the strict confinement of museums and galleries. And states right after similarly, performance art acts against the belief of art being limited to the production of art objects. And with performance art, there’s so much more depth to it than simply sitting a critiquing art and it being so limited to aesthetics rather than taking into consideration a lot more. I always love seeing performance art that is normally unsettling or just a lot different than what people are used to because that’s what makes it so special and different. For example, “How To Explain Pictures to a Dead Hare” by Joseph Beuys made me so uncomfortable to watch but it’s honestly a time of art that is so amazing to see even if it’s a guy talking to a freshly dead hare which is very unsettling. This is off topic but when watching that video in my class I felt physically uncomfortable but for some reason it’s interesting to see to me, not in a way where I’m comfortable with dead animals or anything like that but to me the weirder and more unsettling an art piece is, the better. I like the controversial stuff and the art that challenges so many things (to an extent of course) and that’s exactly what performance art is.

One thing I found interesting in this second ready was first off the numerous examples of people from Africa, Asia, and the Americas being brought to Europe for aesthetic contemplation, scientific analysis, and entertainment. I had known about previous examples of this before like these various groups of people being exhibited in theaters, zoos, circuses, and world fairs but I wasn’t aware of how many times these things have actually happened until reading the list of examples given. For example, I had no idea about Wampanoag Chief Metacom’s head being put on public display for 25 years in Massachusetts after being executed for fomenting indigenous rebellion which to me is insane that for 25 years this was able to slide. And the examples just keep going and going and it’s so shocking to see how bad they all are and I never thought of these things to be examples of sort of “performance art” and as intercultural performance. But looking at it through the eyes of the oppressor it was entertainment to them which to me is absurd but to them by putting these numerous groups of people through these situations it was for performance, even without these people’s consent. It’s also so crazy to me to see as well the fetishization of these cultures and different aspects of them and a sort of appropriation that could even still be seen to this day. I do agree with the points made though that the human exhibitions dramatized the colonial unconscious of American society and that by justifying genocide, enslavement, and the seizing of lands, there is a splitting of humanity along racial lines. Through this the fetishization of representations of the Otherness is naturalized. And as I mentioned before, these things are still seen to this day and it absolutely shocked me to read about how things like the dissected genitals of the Hottentot Venus and different Native American remains are still displayed in public museums. And I feel like there’s a fine line of educating people and things just being a separation still of the Otherness but as mentioned in the reading, with the desire to look from a safe distance. That’s one of the biggest things I took from the reading and it was very interesting to see the process and analysis behind the performance “Two Undiscovered Amerindians Visit Madrid” and to read about the different reactions to this performance but it was so powerful to me and I would’ve loved to see in person. I loved how Coco Fusco and Guillermo Gómez-Peña brought their history of the people of Guatinau into this and how they would be put in cages on display for horrific entertainment purposes.

[natjennie]

different person but as a trans woman you are crazy if you think pronouns are culturally divorced from gender entirely. i don’t know whatever fandom echochamber you’ve been in that makes you think it’s normal to, by default, refer to gay men with she/her pronouns just because SOME drag queens CHOOSE to do it, but it’s utterly insane. when people call me he/him it’s ok because it’s not misgendering cuz pronouns are ungendered right? it is a major intracommunity problem in the LGBT community that gay men are viewed & treated like your girly little purse puppies. the amount of gay guys i know who have personally told me they felt alienated from watching this show, a show that is ostensibly FOR THEM, because of queer women in the fandom are acting like you are is legitimately heartbreaking.

ok I'm gonna try to respond to as many of these points as I can because I understand what you're saying and really want to make myself clear. I feel like there are a lot of assumptions and generalizations being made, both in this ask and the other persons', that are muddying the waters of what we're talking about.

nowhere did I say that pronouns ARE divorced from gender entirely, only that in an ideal world they could be. also I don't default to she/her pronouns for gay men, I don't know where you got that, genuinely.

also I was using the drag queen point as an example of the use of traditionally gendered pronouns not matching the traditionally labelled gender of the person using them, more of a proof of concept than a dogma for all gender expression and pronoun use.

of course people misgendering you is horrible, if your pronouns are she/her and you're a woman, then someone using the wrong identifiers would be hurting you. I meant that point to mean that you can be a man and want to use she/her. you can be nonbinary and use he/him. you can be a woman and use he/they. the ideological concept of gender and pronouns is completely fabricated, and can be mixed and matched however you want.

the way that gay men are treated in fandom in general is disgusting, you're right. I agree wholeheartedly and have for a long time. and the fact that gay men aren't comfortable in their own communities is sickening, especially for our flag means death with its themes of inclusion and representation and breaking the barriers of masculinity.

I truly don't know what you want me to say. "babygirling middle-aged men" is a huge thing on this website mainly because it's fun. it's a cute fun way to encapsulate the squishy emotions you feel when thinking about them, writing in your journal with glitter, kicking your feet up in bed, kind of energy. yknow? at least that's how I've always understood it. at the end of the day we are random people on the internet calling a person attractive. I just really don't understand how my words got so twisted. I can't sit here and defend an entire like. meme. I'm just one person calling someone cute. right? I don't know.

[crystalnet]

Current X-book Mood-Ring Guide

There are an awful lot of X-books on the shelves right now. They are most of my monthly haul. No joke it is at least 12 books at this point. So, in order to cope with that, I’ve organized all the books into one of four different categories, aka “booster-pack” themes. Click through if you want to jump aboard the best X-men run since Morrison before the boat pushes off for the Hellfire Gala this summer! These are the 4 categories:

-Mainline Blue/Gold-style 

-Jr. Mutants Academy 

-2nd-Wave Krakoa Niche (aka “the good stuff”)

-Cetera

#1. Mainline Blue/Gold-style

Mood-color/vibe: Actually 90s-style Blue/Gold and like bright primary colors (but also muddy-ass colors from X-factor). 

Books included: X-men, Excalibur, Marauders, X-force

Typical Pokemon: Scott Summers, Jean Grey, Wolverine, Betsy Braddock, Kate Pride, Beast, Black Tom, Storm, Bishop, Emma Frost, Rogue, Gambit, Jubilee, Kid Omega, Domino, a Pyro, Iceman, Avalanche. Rare drops: Apocalypse, X-23, Synch, Darwin, Kid Cable, Fantomex (in that Giant-Sized!)

These be the books for someone who wants those direct, mainline, core-members-style lineups. On the main book (adjective/word-play-less X-men) Hickman/Yu have worked wonders with their run, but it hasn’t been a stable team, instead focusing on Scott and his adventures dealing with some of the more prominent threats to Krakoa. 

So it’s essentially been a revolving door of a book with Cyclops sometimes leading assaults against major problems and sometimes just being a dad to teenagers from the future, and it’s been generally great. 

Meanwhile, the teams we find on the other 3 books could basically be a main X-men team if you just throw Jean/Scott/Logan onto them (except for X-force because Logan is usually on that one, actually, and Jean sort of is..)

X-force: Wolverine usually, Kid Omega, Beast, Jean (quitting?/back-up), Domino sorta, Sage, Black Tom Cassidy, Colossus once? Forge sorta. [Lot’s of backup or sometimes-members on this team but kinda centers on Beast, Omega, Wolverine and Jean or Domino]

Excalibur: Betsy Braddock, Rogue, Jubilee, Gambit, Avalanche, baby/dragon Shogo, Apocalypse (honorary, mia)

Marauders: Kate Pride, Storm, Emma Frost, a Pyro, Iceman, Bishop

On X-force, you get a little Morrison-homage energy going on what with Beast being sus, Quentin Quire having a character arc and dating a cuckoo and then all the body-horror. This one hasn’t been amazing and the art sometimes has issues for me but it’s been a solid expansion on Krakoa-Era lore. 

On Marauders, you get a book centered on Kate Pride and the Hellfire Club. It’s been aight but I’m not the biggest Kate fan. Definitely has heart and the art has been beautiful. 

Excalibur started a little weird for me... I lack the references or attachment to Otherworld or Davis/Moore-era Excalibur so I don’t think I’m even really the target demo, but I will say it recently, post-X of Swords-- which it set up single-handedly basically [along w/ one ish of X-men]-- has gotten more interesting in recent months. The Betsy + Kwannon stuff was great! And Howard did great with Apocalypse before he went off to another dimension. (points off for iffy color-palettes sometimes). 

#2. Jr. Mutants Academy

Mood-color/vibe: Pastel

Books: New Mutants, X-factor, Children of the Atom, Cable

Common Pokemon: Magik, Cable, Rachel Summers, Doug, Warlock, Armor, Boom Boom, Scout, Dani, Warpath, Karma, Glob, Beak, Daken, Eye-boy, North Star, Rachael, Prodigy those Children of the Atom kids, Magma, Rahne, and a lot of lil kid mutants runnin’ around in Akademos/the Wild Hunt area of Krakoa whose names I don’t know yet.

This is the junior-crew club. New Mutants would be in the Blue/Gold books practically due to being part of the first wave of post-HoX/DoX books, but its basically been 3 different books/teams over its run and along w/ Children/Cable/X-Factor, it feels like there a whole handful of books offering up junior-crew shenanigans specifically. 

So New Mutants has been all over the place, starting with a lineup of OG Claremont era New Muties, then focusing on a team consisting of Glob, Armor and Boom Boom (perpetual...”young adult” I guess?), now settling on a new team under Vita Ayala with Magik and Warpath heading up a squad of young ‘uns (beautiful art on the recent stretch). Hopefully it’s settling into its self now, because I can see longevity for this new squad... maybe. 

I still have to read the 2nd issue of Children of the Atom,  but am intrigued by it. X-factor meanwhile seems to be focusing on queer representation with people like Prodigy, Daken, North Star and Rachel on the same group together. Polaris started out the lead of that title only to be plucked out by Duggan (or the fanbase) for the main X-team coming up. This honestly makes sense, because even though she isn’t drawn this way, shouldn’t Polaris be considerably older than someone like Rachel? Eh. 

Also, in issue #4 of X-factor we had a beautiful homage to the Academy X mutants, with several cameos, so it seems like Marvel is intentionally using these junior-crew books to acknowledge all the various junior-crews, whether it be OG Claremont kids, Generation X people, the kids intro’d under Morrison and Whedon, or even the dang ‘ol Academy X ones, they seem to all be getting at least some representation in some book. 

Also Cable owns. Didn’t know I’d like the Kid-Cable guy until this book and his appearances in the main title, but now it’s confirmed. Him dating Esme, Kid Omega dating Phoebe? These crazy telepaths! Anyway, I hope Duggan’s main-team book is more like Cable than Marauders, in terms of pacing and characterization, but they both have beautiful art!

New mutants: Karma, Magik, Mirage, Scout, Warlock, Warpath and Wolfsbane

X-factor: Daken, Eye-boy, Polaris (quit?), North Star, Rachael, Prodigy

#3. 2nd-gen Krakoa Niche aka “the good stuff”

mood-color/vibe: purples, metaphysical/cosmic pallets, tertiary colors

books included: Hellions, S.W.O.R.D., Way of X

common Pokemon: I mean they’re basically all rare drops

This is the good stuff! Who would have thought. And when I think about it,  Way of X and S.W.O.R.D., as part of the second wave of Krakoa-era books that started with Cable, both address some of the core issues and ideas that the whole HoX/DoX mini kicked off better than-- or at least more directly-- the other books. So I guess the non X-men, first-wave Krakoa books feel “mainline” in terms of their team lineups, but in terms of content, these newer ones almost feel more relevant by design. S.W.O.R.D. focuses on the cosmic context of the mutants post-Krakoa and Way is Kurt’s first spot-light moment in the era and is expressly concerned with Kurt’s addressing of the deeper moral quandaries that a people who have conquered death will be faced with. I mean, it's expressly about religion and like, spirituality-- a very tall order, but first issue pulled it off super deftly.

Also Hellions is better than it has any business being! Read this if you want savagely dark humor and some very obscure mutants + Havok/Psylocke/Sinister. But if I had to reccomend one, it’d be a tie b/w S.W.O.R.D and Way. First issue of Way was exceptional and got right into things and Kurt’s very well-written and will surely prove a meditative lead for a book like this, whereas S.W.O.R.D is epic in scale while still have sick character moments/dialogue. Manifold had a great issue or two and is now my favorite new mutant, even in the context of a somehow-actually-good King in Black tie-in. Damn! And everything going on b/w Magneto and Fabian Cortez (who was made to argue for why mutants should be allowed to murder “flatscans”/humans to the whole Krakoan council this week whilst naked. It’s fantastic. Hell, even the Snark-War sounds...interesting? What’s happening to me. 

S.W.O.R.D.: Fabian Cortez, Magneto, Abigail Brand, Peeper, Manifold, Wiz-Kid, Mentallo, Fenzy

Children of the Atom: Cherub, Marvel Guy, Cyclops-Lass (?), Gimmick, Daycrawler

Hellions: Havok, Psylocke, Empath, Orphan-Maker, Nanny, Wild Child, Sinister, Greycrow

#4. Cetera

Mood-color/vibe: colorless, “normal” element

Books included: Fallen Angels (complete 6-ish mini), All the damn Wolverine books, the uh Sword of X “guidebook” and the new Peach Momoko Demon Days books and whatever X-men Legends is.

These are titles which are either complete or don’t fit in with other things or in Demon Days or the X-men Legends’ books’ case, I think don’t even occur in-universe. And per usual of course there are multiple Wolverine books... the main one seems fine. 

Anyway all-in-all, these books are doing weirdly well. Mutants as a concept shouldn't be able to be spread this thin story-telling wise, but the books don’t really feel redundant and most are filling a specific niche or purpose. I may be dropping some of the first-wave Blue/Gold style books (Marauders and X-force I'll probably just check in on from time-to-time), but S.W.O.R.D., Way, the main book under Hickman or Duggan and Hellions all have me verrrrrry satisfied. Even standard stories in the Krakoa era feel special, and that speaks to the power of Hickman’s vision. Hellfire Gala, here we come. 

[namtanlovesfilm]

I am so sorry that a stupid anon (who honestly, if they felt they were right, should've not been anon) sent you that ask. I agree with you that the cheating storyline was lazy writing and also just confirms that they both don't think gay relationships will last and that they are low-key biphobic I feel. There were so many directions they could've gone and also they could've explored Teh having feelings for other people without actually cheating AND the whole concept of change without making him so emotionally gross about it (like "calling out" Oh in front of his own friends???? wtf was that). As always, communication would've solved it. Also maybe Teh realizing that he has to confront his feelings for once, since that same kind of inability to face things head-on caused him to play with that girl's feelings in S1. I thought he learned his lesson but whatever.

Side note: anyone who condones cheating is like ?? Why? Would they feel the same way if it was a straight couple? Or if it was cheating with a woman? As a gay person, the whole "gay couples can do no wrong", in the perspective of cheating being accepted, is just very confusing for me. I guess we shall never know what would've happened.

Anyways, I hope you are having a wonderful day and keep up posting your amazing content. I will fight all those evil anons for you.

I feel like the thing that the writers seem to be lacking in this sequel, which is SO opposite to the first season which did it wonderfully, is that yes you can write flawed characters, but they have to have some development too. if this sequel stood on its own & it was about a couple pulling apart from each other, I would honestly like it more (though teh would still look like an asshole.) but this sequel comes as the continuation of season one which was full of angst & it seems crazy to me that the writers didn't realize we wanted to see teh & oh-aew grow TOGETHER, not apart since the freaking first episode. we literally didn't get any rest from the angst, and jumped right back into it. especially since the sequel being set elsewhere & with new characters is already unsettling enough, so making us feel like we're losing the characters & the relationship we love is simply not the move. at the end of the day, even if I would've still hated it, I would've entirely preferred they break up than to see my favorite character be so cruel as to cheat on his partner out of boredom. and yeah, cheating is... unfortunately a part of life, but I don't think it needs to be accepted as normal behavior in a relationship, especially in a fictional lgbtq+ one since it's only been a decade that we've been getting a sliver of good representation. thank you very much for that, I'm glad you enjoy my blog & that is very cute haha :)

xxx

[addierose444]

Spring 2021: One Month Update

We are now just over a month into the spring semester. This is a bit strange as mid-march normally coincides with spring break. Well, normal just isn’t the norm right now and hasn’t been for a while. Like seriously, it has been a whole year since Smith sent us home last spring. Here is a blog post from a year ago about my final week on campus. That was a stressful time, but I was also so naïve about what was to come. In some ways, it’s hard to believe that a whole year has passed; at the same time, it has felt like an eternity. This post is primarily about my current courses and other life updates, but it also felt incomplete without acknowledging the passage of time. Last semester, I wrote a few update posts. I started them because I literally didn’t know what else to write about. However, I found them to be an effective post style that is worthwhile to continue using. 

There does finally seem to be a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Namely, I have received my first dose of the Moderna COVID vaccine! I was eligible thanks to my job in ResLife. I will be getting the second dose in two-weeks time. I feel very fortunate to be getting vaccinated so early. I’ll also be honest in saying that it was really stressful taking the bus to UMass and navigating through the vaccination center. Another exciting update is that I have secured a summer internship at Microsoft! You can read about my application process here. 

I am currently living on-campus in Parsons House. We are fortunately still operating in Green Mode which is our least restrictive operating mode. This still includes masks, social distancing, and testing three times a week. We are also still ordering most meals on the Grubhub app. However, there is now some limited seating in the dining halls and we have transitioned to using some reusable food containers. Furthermore, Chuckett (our name for Chase and Duckett) is open for true grab and go. The best part about going to Chuckett is that they have yogurt, ice cream, and snacks. Classes and house events continue to be primarily over Zoom so that we can practice social distancing and include those not living on campus. 

As for my classes, it’s been a very busy semester. I am in class less than in past semesters but have had more work outside of class. With that said, this is in part because one of my classes is asynchronous with synchronous labs. To check out all of my past courses, click here. 

PHY 210 has been more interesting than I expected. It’s not an easy class, but it hasn’t been the nightmare I was worried it would be. The class has so-called pre-class check-ins (PCCIs) which are short exercises due at the start of each class (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). We still have a full homework set due each Wednesday, but I enjoy having the PCCIs as it’s more similar to the high school homework model (short more frequent assignments that don’t have to be 100% perfect). I now have a much better understanding of complex numbers and why they are useful. Other topics we have studied thus far include differential equations and the Taylor series (both topics were briefly introduced in past calculus classes). We have also been learning the basics of Mathematica and are currently studying integrals in two or more dimensions. Last semester in MTH 212, all of the exams could be taken over multiple days (unlimited time) so it’s not the easiest transition back to timed math exams. 

PHI 220 is a great complement to my four STEM classes. Specifically, it’s reading and discussion-based and doesn’t have problem sets! While there is absolutely value in courses unrelated to my majors, I really love learning concepts that come up in computer science but from a different perspective. Over the course of the semester, we have been working our way through Gödel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid. We have been learning about formal systems and been gaining an understanding of Gödel's incompleteness theorems. Later in the course, we will be delving into the study of Turing machines. Each class starts with five minutes of breathing and stretching. The first day I thought it was really weird, but have now gained an appreciation for it.  

EGR 220 has been my most time-consuming class, but I have also really enjoyed the course content. I am glad that I took PHY 118 last spring as it gave me a good primer for some of the circuit theories. This is particularly useful as circuits is a fast-paced course. Labs have been frustrating at times due to technical difficulties, but having a hands-on component definitely helps my understanding and makes things more engaging. As long as we stay in Green Mode, we will have a few small-group in-person labs! We have also had and will continue to have occasional full class in-person outdoor demonstrations. (All of my other classes have been and will continue to be fully remote). In terms of course content, we have learned about passive components like resistors, capacitors, and inductors and circuit analysis techniques like nodal analysis and mesh analysis.

CSC 250 has generally been enjoyable as I have an awesome professor. I don’t dislike the course material, but I definitely prefer programming and systems to theory. Also, theoretical computer science requires writing lots of proofs which is not my favorite. I am glad that I took discrete math (MTH 153) last semester as it introduced me to proof writing. MTH 153 an unenforced prerequisite of CSC 250, which I was originally going to take concurrently due to schedule conflicts. In the course, we have been learning about regular expressions, finite automata, context-free grammars, push-down automata, and most recently Turing machines. (See what I mean about the overlap with PHI 220!)

COMPSCI 230 is my UMass computer systems class. You can read more about Five College registration here. The course is asynchronous which has its advantages and disadvantages. It’s nice being able to self-schedule my coursework, but it’s strange not really interacting with my classmates. As the UMass semester started two weeks before Smith’s, I am just about halfway through the course which is honestly sort of crazy. In the course, we have learned about data representation, von Neumann Architecture, caches, and virtual memory. 

I am not taking guitar this semester and unfortunately have hardly played my guitar. Last year I had set a daily practice goal that I did a really good job of sticking to. That said, I regret having set that goal as it made playing feel more like a chore. The issue is that when the year ended I was justified in taking a few days off from playing. However, as I was really busying during Interterm it was just too easy to dive into my coursework and other responsibilities. Playing guitar is something that I love, so I am trying to incorporate it back into my life in the right way. You can read about my musical history here. Another music update, that’s really just for me to look back on is that my current favorite song is The Story (written by Phil Hanseroth and performed by Brandi Carlile). I have been listening to a lot of Brandi Carlile’s music over the past few days and absolutely love it. As for 2020 goals, like many people, mine weren’t the biggest success. I originally set out to write four original songs but only wrote two (one of which I had started in August of 2019). I was successful in my reading goal so that was at least one win. You can read about my 2020 in books here. 

[littlemessyjessi]

And another thing! Where is the representation of my melanin queens on every day things?! I’m just really upset about alot of fanfiction right now.  Like, I don’t get it.  I’m using every fucking piece of information that I have gathered from my godmother, an indescribably beautiful melanin goddess, over the years and I’m using it in fucking fanfiction because it’s fucking important.  For example:

My godmother, Dana, is a STUNNING black woman.  She was there for me when my birth mother would straight up drop me on her doorstep and I would see her for months. 

Dana, the queen that she is, is a beacon of light and information. 

I had an interesting childhood.  

I’m a mixture of a lot ethnicities to be honest and I spent my childhood back and forth between two countries if you want to know the truth about it.   But when I was in the USA, I was supposed to spend time with her which lasted for all of about two weeks full of abuse.  Looking back, honestly being with Dana is probably what saved me. 

Anyway, personally I’m a red head but my curl pattern is somewhere between 4B and 4C.  Naturally, it has a tendency to be frizzy and is heavy on the dry side.  I have my mother’s hair. 

Dana knew this, as she grew up with my mother and actually has a very similiar hair texture. It’s just that her’s is dark. So she knew exactly how to handle me when my mother jumped ship. 

And my dad didn’t know how to do that.  He’s Serbian and white. Not to mention the fact that he worked all the time over the road trying to provide for his four children. He wasn’t around much but it wasn’t because he didn’t want to be.  It’s just that someone had to provide for us and that was him.  Side note:  All of have different mothers and they’re all crazy.   I think he has a type.  He didn’t turn them crazy.  No, no. They were like that when he met them.  I just think he’s a glutton for punishment. 

Anyway, the hair. That was a foreign language to him.  I mean, he tried but he was hopeless until Dana legit showed him. 

This fucking angel introduce me to the bonnet when I was four. Four.  To this day, I refused to go to bed without a bonnet.  

She also introduced me to protective hair styles and the concept of a damn headwrap.  Which is fucking life changing mind you.  My cuban fiance, Valentina, bonded over this when we first started talking because she video calls me one morning to talk to me while we were getting ready for our respective days. 

Of course, I answer.  Still in my pjs, bonnet on my head and slathering myself in shea butter.  Again, thank you Dana for your life changing knowledge of shea butter and cocoa butter.  I attribute my good skin to you, love. I’m in my late twenties now and honestly I don’t really look any different as to what I did when I was eighteen.  Perhaps, it’s genes.  But I think it was Dana and her knowledge. 

Anyway, we’re sitting there talking and all of a sudden Val just has the biggest smile on her face and I’m like, what?

And she was just like, “I love that you have your bonnet on.” 

And I was like, “Uh, ok? Should I not?” 

And we got into a whole discussion about it and how it’s viewed.   

Listen, if I am deep conditioning my hair I will walk straight out this house with a bonnet on and not give a single fuck.  You think I’m playing but I am not.  And that’s my point.   I don’t know why things like this are looked at differently and I’m sick of it.   

What’s even more disgusting is that I would get less looks for it than a black woman.  Why?  Because regardless of the fact that I actually came out of an extremely deeply darkly skinned woman, I pass as white. 

That god damn statement enrages me to my core.  The fact that I, someone who passes as white, can do basic things like wear a bonnet or a headwrap and while I may recieve some strange looks here and there..... it’s really nothing. 

Whereas a woman of dark complexion has a totally different experience.  And that enrages me.   I used to lose my temper over it when I was about 10 or so and Dana would take me to the movies on Sundays.  That was always deep conditioning day and so we went in our bonnets.  And these mother fucking girls would snicker and point and act like fools.  I, all 4′11′’ of me, nearly got into a fight with them b/c I have a short fuse on a big bomb.  But Dana just pulled me back and told me not to worry about it.  But I was upset.  Dana is literally one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, inside and out.  And I couldn’t understand how someone could be so nasty.   We had a talk that day about skin and why it was different.   I mean, I knew Dana and I have different colors to us but I never thought much about it to be honest.  

She was very honest with me in her experiences and she told me that we were different and even though that shouldn’t make a difference at all, for some people it did. 

Cue tiny preteen Kenny going on a fifteen minute rant until she gave me pineapple and tajin and told me to chill out, lol. 

Also, if you’re not putting tajin on your pineapple, what are you doing?  You’re missing out and I highly reccommend you see to it immediately. 

She told me the best thing to do was to ignore them and to just live my life.  And I see her point but I also don’t.  Because if you always look the other way then nothing changes b/c it just keeps getting swept under the rug.   

Dana is a lot nicer than me.  And perhaps, she’s smarter b/c she’s older and she just knows more than me.  But I will not stand for this! 

I realize how ridiculous that may sound but I don’t care.  I will call someone out on it in a heartbeat. 

I just get heated about things I feel strongly about. 

So all this to say that I was listening to this video where a girl was talking about how upset she was about the lack of representation in fanfiction and I was just consumed with anger b/c she’s right! 

And I was just so pissed. Poor Val listened to me rant forever before she just called Dana and was like, ‘Please calm down your child.” 

Because yes, as far as I’m concerned, Dana is my mother.  Not my birth mother. 

And, lol, Dana told her, “Just give that little hot cheeto some pineapple and tajin. Or make her some kool aid.  She’s just gotta rant for a minute and get it out of her system.” 

And Val said, “I tried to give her kool aid.  She spazzed out and drank half a pitcher.  Now she’s on a sugar high and she’s worse.” 

I’m assuming Dana told her to just hand over the phone and she promptly told me to calm down before she came over to deliver an ass whoopin.  

And then she asked me what was wrong and so I told her. 

And so she said, “Just write the fanfiction how you want it.   That’s what you’ve always done. So if you want to see mentions of bonnets in stories, start putting them in.   Make it a point to create scenes that specifically give you an opportunity to showcase some of that stuff.  Talk about the struggles of finding a foundation that actually matches your skin tone.  Talk about wash days and co washes.  And for the love of the all mighty, please mention to someone to put some damn lotion on their elbows and knees.  I’m tired of seeing these ashy ass people.” 

And we talked for quite some time about it and she made me feel better.  Like she always does.  I didn’t come out of her but Dana has always been my mother.  And always been there for me.  Always given me the best advice.   Always knew just what to say when my emotions wreck me. 

So I know a lot of you like my reader content and I’ll continue to do that. I promise.  I mostly just do plus size reader. But maybe we’ll include some specific POC plus size reader.  I mean, that’s not new for me.  I’ve done that before but you get my point.  The only way to get passed some of these irritations and unfairness is to normalize it to the point of common knowledge. 

And you might be seeing more and more POC OC’s from me.  This isn’t new either as I’ve got plenty of them.  But you might see an influx lol.  Because I’m upset about it and b/c it’s deserved.  You know what I mean?  

Also, for the love of god, please please please if you are writing reader insert when you are talking about someone blushing... jesus christ, Dana could be embarassed and you’d never know b/c she is literally as dark as a dark chocolate bar.   Blush doesn’t show on her skin tone and I can imagine it doesn’t show on a lot of deeper skin tones.  It doesn’t on Valentina and she’s cuban caramel candy.  

There are other ways.  Like heat creeping up the neck or whatever.  You know what I mean.  

Also, the ‘he ran his fingers through my hair’ bit?  Ugh.  First of all, with my hair.... I’d like to see them try.  Second, don’t. touch. my. hair.  

Just saying.  There are other ways.

Anyway, thanks for listening. 

And Dana, if you’re reading, cause I know you come read my stories sometimes- thank you for listening and giving me good advice.  As you always have.  I love you and I’m just really thankful you’ve always been there for me and taught me so much.  I love you, Mama D.

Love, 

Kenny

Also, ya’ll pray for me.  I have a whole pitcher of kool aid, that I made so it has way too much sugar in it.  And if I can’t calm myself down, Valentina may murder me.  And ya girl is trying to get some tonight, lol. 

P.S. If she does away with me and you never find my body, someone just tell Idris Elba, Queen Latifah, Sebastian Stan and Aaron Taylor Johnson that I love them and that I died well.  

Probably not though.  

Valentina is mean.  She’d make me die a slow and horrible death. 

Like depravation of cuddles and chocolate. 

The horror. 

Shit, I like her feisty though. 

Anyway, I’m rambling. 

I love y’all and that’s really all I had to say about the issue lol. 

[youeverfeelcursed]

On The Narrative of The Last of Us 2 (1 of 2?)

I am impressed by how many people are hating on this game and its narrative when I’m finding it how amazing its written even though it broke my heart in so many pieces I’m not sure I’ll be able to stick them together for a while. Reading most of the arguments against the game it feels like people are simplyfying the story of both game to worrisome levels.

This is going to be a long text, and obviously, it’s going to be FULL of spoilers so: SPOILERS AHEAD.

Let’s start by going back a bit and into the Last of Us.

Naughty Dog and the importance of being human: The Redemption of Joel

I think before we start we need to talk about the most important detail of The Last of Us franchise - onwards TLoU -  and that is that its never been about zombies, or survival, or Joel or Ellie but about humanity, or better yet, about what is being human and what makes us human. It doesn’t matter if its Part 1 or Part 2 but keep in mind that this concept is the driving force of this story, subtly hiding in our protagonists and their friends stories. You wont find easy blacks or whites in their storytelling, because being human is not that simple.

Now that we have that clear, keep in your mind too the word monster.

With TLoU - Part 1, we get in the skin of Joel Miller, an assholish smuggler based in Boston. From the beginning we can see that Joel is not a good person and through the whole game is heavily implied that he’s been less that nice to humans to survive. The player can “easily” forgive these flaws of him because we can empathize with the lost of his daughter during The Outbreak but even if we empathize we can’t just ignore that Joel is not a hero, he’s just a broken survivor.

Many people think that TLoU is all about the connection of Joel and Ellie, but in the end it’s all about Joel and his “redemption”, his coming back up from being a murderer, a smuggler, a shitty person to a human with feelings again, with so many feelings he makes the worst decision for the survival of humanity: he saves Ellie. He saves Ellie because he cares, because he learnt to care so much  that he put his own selfishness above humanity’s well being. He’s battled thousand of zombies along the way but we know they are mostly not aware of their actions anymore, they can’t choose to hurt people, they just do it because it’s what they do but Joel made a conscious decision. A horrible decision.

And after, he lies to Ellie. He takes the chance of deciding about her own life only because he desires to keep her alive. And this is what it is about, how beautiful can it be to be human, and how horrible can it turn into.

TLoU Part 2, the death of Joel and the descent of Ellie.

We begin Part 2 with Joel narrating what happened in the hospital to a flabbergasted Tommy. I’m not sure how most people felt during this sequence but during it I felt shitty for actually being happy that he saved Ellie, which was alleviated by Tommy’s acceptance of it (”I can’t say I’d have done different”). I’m not sure if I were to be Tommy I would have reacted the same way, but props to him for forgiving his brother.

So times passes and we land on Ellie. This is where everything begins.

The transformation of Ellie is like a trainwreck, you know it’s going to end badly but you cannot stop looking.

When we get control of Ellie we get our old Ellie back, maybe a little less cheerful but it’s normal, she’s already 18 and she’s been hit hard by life, multiple times. Still we can see that underneath all that tough and grumpy behaviour (I mean seriously, she’s just like Joel) there’s the Ellie we loved from the first part.

Up to the point Joel is killed.

Oh how I fucking hated that moment and it’s not because it felt stupid - it truly didn’t to me - but because I was at the same time expecting it, and not expecting it. Because that’s how death gets to you and I found the setting horribly marvelous.

Many people think that his dead was stupid, that he didn’t go in a grand way but just simply got his face smashed by Abby. I hated it, because the whole scene I was like Ellie hoping for Joel to pull through and save himself, I couldn’t believe he would die in the first 3 hours of the game!! Naughty Dog what the fuck!?

But you know. That’s it. That’s the point. Things come and go and most of the time we don’t really expect what happens. And it’s traumatizing, it’s unbelievable, it’s shitty. But it’s life. One night I was saying goodnight to my dad, the next day he was dead. It happens. Death is not grand, death is not heroic most of the time, it just is.

And that’s the feeling that they manage to convey, that it’s not real. We are feeling the same feelings as Ellie, thinking that somehow, in some crazy way he’ll be back to come back. But he won’t. There’s a grave. And yet the feeling is there. If Joel’s death had been shown differently, we - as players - could find some closure, but this way? This way we are stuck. Just like Ellie.

Just like the beginning of the end of Ellie. Because the next part is all about losing yourself. We can see it in tiny details like Ellie’s hair. In Jackson, she’s got a tight bun, controlled and when she and Dina are getting to Detroit, part of that bun is loose as an analogy of her slow demise, how she slowly loses control. It’s also represented by the weather, with one of the most ruthless scenes happening during the huge storm of Detroit: Mel’s death. 

It would be easy to just blame this turning into a monster on Joel’s death, but there’s multiple factors affecting Ellie during this time, apart from the trauma from watching Joel be killed in front of her own eyes. 

The first one is that she was forced to miss the chance of being useful, useful as a cure for the whole world, for her life to have meaning. It must be really hard to love someone so much - Joel - and hate them at the same time, and plus to all of that, you dont get the chance to forgive them because it was ripped from your own hands.

Next is what she deems as a betrayal from Dina, her pregnancy. This is where the queer theme comes strong, because who hasn’t been in a situation in which we feel we will lose our loved one to the straight ex? The feeling of being powerless specially because Jesse is her friend. She loves him, she loves them both. But it’s obvious she doesn’t feel worthy of Dina, and when the pregnancy comes, it just pulls at her strings. She starts to go alone on missions, reckless crazy missions distancing herself from both of them to the point she crashes hard and makes Nora talk. 

Ellie much to our liking and hate, grew up under the care of Joel, a sweet and wonderful man with his own troubles but a great problem of sharing his feelings, something I feel was passed to Ellie. She doesn’t speak of her feelings, she keeps them inside until they break her apart, so this descent wasn’t caused by just one simple happening, it was a collective of shitty feelings. And we could argue, “but its obvious Dina likes her!”. Well yeah, it’s obvious to us, but for someone that lost so much so fast, how obvious can it be?

Finding Abby is not just about revenge, is about having control over her life. That’s something she can do, she can find Abby kill her and get revenge for Joel. It keeps her grounded while slowly plummeling her into turning a monster. Because sometimes we hold onto the most stupid things just for the sake of being grounded, even if that thing destroys what’s left of us.

I know many people were angry at how a LGTB+ was treated but I personally don’t think this demise would be as hardcore if it had been a straight white girl. If this representation is good or bad its up to everyone’s opinion but I personally think Naughty Dog did a good job in here. I know people are tired of traumatic stories, but there’s a lot to chew in this game to just reduce it to “sad gay story”. For the instance, Ellie is consciously destroying her own life, personally I think because she felt she should be dead plus everything mentioned beforehand. When she leaves Jesse behind to go get Abby instead of saving Tommy that’s the point of no return.

Well, there’s more to unravel but I feel this post is long enough already and we still have Dina, Tommy, Jesse and Abby to talk about. So I’ll take a breather and keep writing later. Sorry for typos and keep safe.

[despair-ninja-everything-agency]

Land of The Unnamed: A Concept

Believe it or not, rebrowsing Beksiński's artwork inspired me to think of an FFXIV raid based on his artworks (the paintings more so than the photographies or the photoshops). Given that, beside Edda's story, I don't see straight up horror elements borderlining eldritch beings (Sky Pirate raids came close with Void Ark and its Giger aesthetic) so I kinda want to think of something a little different.

Elaborations under the cut:

The Concept

The concept of the raid itself is a bit different than the traditional 24-man alliance or 8-man normal raids in that it's more like the 4-man dungeon run instead but with more miniboss or, alternatively, zero boss dungeon but with significantly strong "trashes" than the traditional 3 boss per dungeon and a more open world feeling environment. However, there's a duty closer to a trial but with a more dynamic environment than the usual circular stage most trials tend to have, naturally with a more complex mechanic as well. As of now, I can't decide whether to make the dungeon section and the trial section into one continuous duty or making them separate but I'm leaning toward the former since doing the latter would make it too similar to a normal dungeon and/or trial duty.

The amount of duties in this raid will be 6 duties, twice as much as an alliance raid line but half the amount of a normal raid line.

While player can do it with other players with the Duty Finder, it's also possible to do it like a Trust or Squadron in that it's with NPCs instead of other players.

In lieu to the story I would elaborate below, the questline would render the player unable to return to the rest of the open world areas. In exchange, there would be some sort of hub areas within the world of the questline where you can do non-combat sidequests, gather stuff, uncovering mysteries from puzzles or riddles, rest, buy stuff, etc. So you still have something to do in the areas while not having to worry about stuff like buying potions or crafting armors and weapons.

In the same vein, given what will happen to the player in the story, there would be some sort of interface screw in that player can't see anything but darkness and their surrounding is "seen" with literal echoes (think of a bat's echolocation).

The Story

In an ambiguous timeframe, the Warrior of Light suddenly gets transported into an unknown world alien to them. Worse still, Hydaelyn's blessings somehow wont reach them there, leaving them without the protection of the Crystal. While roaming, they met with 3 other people who are similarly trapped in there, 2 in which are not a species the WoL familiar with (one is a burly Roegadyn-like man and another a small goblin-sized boy) and one is a Midlander Hyur girl... at least that's what she looks like but she reveals she doesn't know what a Hyur is.

So the four of you tries to find a way to get out of there, searching high and low and occasionally slain the horrific creatures they meet if they feel they threaten them.

It is then discovered that one of them has to sacrifice 3 of their senses to escape the alien world they're in. Neither want to do so, including the WoL. However, the first trial renders the WoL deaf, leading to them becoming the unwitting sacrifice. Along the way, they start to lose their sense of sight and sense of touch (the "Hyur" girl helps them when they lost the former) each from the subsequent trials. Despite that, there's no exit in sight. The group become frustrated - the WoL moreso since their loss seems like it's for naught - until they met a mysterious man under the moniker of Bezimienny who leads them to a building filled with impossible maze-like structure despite from the outside it's nothing but a thin and tall structure. In the greedy and/or desparate attempt of escaping, the other three unknowingly (or knowingly?) left the WoL alone in their disabilities. However, the managed to get out despite it. How did they managed to get out depends on if you have DRK job unlocked or not (not necessarily having to equip the job).

If you have DRK job unlocked, the WoL's heart seems to resonate into one direction which is getting stronger and stronger until they mentally hear Fray's voice in their head. He helps them using another means to identify their surrounding (the aforementioned literal echo, representated by an red outline of Fray spamming Unleash and creates red circles centered from him that outlines the room they're in) and they exploit it to lead them to the exit.

If not, while it's not stated, the WoL implied to have simply stumbled into a field filled with grave stones. The maddening voices in their head (presumably from the dead corpses in the graves) almost drive them crazy but due to them standing their ground, they finally can "see" their surrounding (again, the aformentioned literal echo. This time only the echo outlines coming from the WoL themselves without Fray initiating it). They use it to their advantage and finally able to get out of the maze.

After that, a mysterious voice cryptically congratulates them. At the same time, the WoL finally regain their lost sense back. When asked what happened to the other three companion, it is revealed that they're separated and lost within the maze, doomed to never escape it and slowly turned into the denizen of the nameless land (WoL don't seem to be purturbed because they left them to fend themselves in the maze while having lost 3 of their most crucial senses). The voice then task them with one last trial: climb up the waterfall flowing from a frame held by the one holding the frame. Despite the difficulty, they manage to do it and finally returns to their world with seemingly no time has passed since they went to the alien world.

(Finer details, like the background of the 3 companions beside that they're not from Hydaelyn or any world of FFXIV, will not be discussed for now. Just the general story)

The Creatures

(Oh boy, I saved several Beksiński paintings just for this. All paintings courtesy of Zdzisław Beksiński himself)

I could say every creatures ever existed in Beksiński's art appear here but several special mentions. Firstly, the first boss.

The idea of losing senses came when I'm thinking of this dude as a boss. In the following cutscene after his defeat, he blows his trumpet again very loudly and WoL have an unfortunate position of being right in front of him, rendering them permanently deaf (well, not permanently per say but you get the idea).

Another is this dude(s).

They're either a trial boss or an end dungeon boss. Their gimmick is that while in the first phase and last phase they attack as one entity, the phases in between has them separated (though some may still clumped together) and fight the party members individually. The ghost faces also don't come out until the last half of the fight.

Then there's this little guy.

Undoubtly a "trash" mob, with several of them scattered through the dungeons either in small groups or just by itself.

I could list everything in his paintings but I figured it would be to exhaustive to list.

The Drawback

I'm very aware this is not without drawbacks. One thing for sure is that the locked area system would be pain in the ass especially if you want to do something else (that is not within the locked area, they can only do so much) while waiting for duty to pop up. Another is that the proposed 4-man raid system would be no different from normal dungeon run and the first 3 ARR primals' 4-man trial.

Lastly, the matter of copyright even if this can be circumvented by not making it too obvious to be a carbon copy of Beksiński's work.

If you read it till this far, then thank you for reading. The idea is just a burst of inspiration (not helped it's originally very WoL!Cole centric), so it's not very fleshed out. But regardless, I might want to expand on this if I had more to say.