#Whatever you say... Look
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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truth serum / system reveal au where shen qingqiu gets hit with an uncloaking spell that reveals the system in the reflection of his eyes every time it pops up.
during one of his missions, in the treasure hoard of some dragon-like creature, he finds a golden, oval shaped hand mirror, its gaudy style more victorian based than anything (airplane you hack!), that doesn't seem to do anything when he looks into it. but when he does, it reveals the system's screen in his eyes.
he doesn't notice this, of course, because he can't see it, and the system, surprisingly, stays quiet.
the peak lords think he's cursed.
maybe mu qingfang is the first to notice, during the mandatory post mission check-up, when shen qingqiu is scrolling through his most recently accumulated points and mu qingfang can see the strange vividly-blue lines reflected in his pupils. it's gone when shen qingqiu blinks, like it was nothing but a trick of the light.
it comes out when yue qingyuan is visiting and, just as he's done laying out the plans for a new mission, shen qingqiu's eyes glaze over and a bright blue box takes over the whole of his iris. shen qingqiu goes quiet; the thing in his eyes moves, shifts, pulses for a second, like static worms crawling all over his pupils. then he blinks, and it's gone, and shen qingqiu accepts the mission that yue qingyuan was almost sure he would decline.
maybe there is an intervention, when the peak lords corner shen qingqiu at qian cao peak and try to figure out what's wrong, subjecting him to all kinds of treatments and curse-finding spells that turn up empty, they can't find anything.
of course, the silencing threat is still very much up and running. at first shen qingqiu was kind of confused by the whole ordeal, but when the peak lords start describing a "strange blue box", he realizes, with sickening suddenty, that they're describing the system. and he can't say anything.
this only makes everything worse, because their fellow peak lord now keeps evading every question and acts like he doesn't understand. liu qingge points right at his face and asks, "that blue box, what is it?" and shen qingqiu laughs nervously and starts talking about how bright the weather is and surely it's the sky and nothing to worry about!
even worse, during the intervention the system thought it was a good idea to start talking to him, so now even the peak lords who hadn't seen it and who might have been persuaded by light tricks and reflections, get a first row view that no, that definitely isn't a trick of the light.
they try to do the whole thing of "are you in danger, blink twice" but shen qingqiu can't even do that because it's still a direct admittance!
maybe eventually he starts saying vague confirmations that don't actually confirm anything, like "this master hears what you're saying", or maybe he goes with a classic "this master can neither confirm nor deny that." but the system starts warning him for that too and eventually he stops saying anything, which worries the others more.
luckily mu qingfang catches on that every time they ask a direct question about the box or shen qingqiu says anything vaguely confirming, it appears. it doesn't appear when they ask about curses or demons, so it must not see that as a threat.
for a little extra angst: maybe the peak lords keep pressuring him for answers, and at some point shen qingqiu gets fed up and snaps out something like, "why don't you understand that i'm not allowed to answer that!" the system counts this as a direct admittance, threatening it's existence. so it punishes. shen qingqiu has a qi deviation so bad it lasts two weeks and takes two people every day to cleanse his meridians. the system doesn't appear in that time. it doesn't appear for a long while after that, either. the peak lords stop asking, mainly because shen qingqiu will instantly leave the room if they do. they don't stop searching for a cure, though.
shang qinghua returns from a business trip and catches on the second someone mentions a blue box and forced silencing.
#i like the idea of sqq sort of disassociating every time he talks with the system#like his eyes go unfocused and he goes quiet and doesnt seem to hear what others are saying#and the others always thought that was odd but hey. whatever. until some strange *thing* started showing up#i do also like the idea of the system slowly allowing sqq more liberties#bc its decided it likes this storyline#liu qingge comes to cleanse sqqs meridians and gets red with anger when the system pops up in sqqs eyes#but then sqq reaches out to him and says ''no. it... likes you.''#the system doesnt (cant) really like anyone. but its gifting him friendship points when liu qingge visits him and that's positive?#liu qingge doesnt see it as positive and gets even more mad because what do you MEAN this monster enitity ''likes him''????#liu qingge is going to kill it the first chance he has!!#yue qingyuan talks about a mission looking for volunteers and you can *see* his face fall when the blue box appears#''it wants you to go. doesn't it?'' ''this shidi would like to join this mission.'' ''i understand.''#sometimes the blue box appears and sqq looks *stricken*. like he just saw something really awful#but he just cant talk about it#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#mu qingfang#system svsss#svsss au#reveal au
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Happy spooky month!
#digital art#my art#art#fnaf#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf art#fnaf security breach#fnaf fanart#fnaf sb#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#daycare attendant sun#daycare attendant#daycare attendant moon#sun and moon fnaf#sun and moon fanart#halloween#halloween art#my grandma asked what I was working on and i just said two cartoon characters holding pumkins#she said it looked very nice#that is her way of saying i have no idea what the fuck i'm looking at but i want to compliment whatever you are working on
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this is the dynamic they have going on in my head.
Edit: No more reblogs for now this can't be my most popular post I can't bear the weight of this being it.
#box art#dead by daylight#dbd#mikaela reid#sable ward#the unknown#dbd unknown#dbd the unknown#ive never drawn sable or mikaela and i did it with minimal reference so they might look a little wack lol#brought to you by 'I cant help it but let sables go as unknown and if there's a sable and mikaela i have to let them both go'#i have this thing. where i tend to let go whatever survivor is the killer im playing's counterpart#but its been happening WAY more as unknown because sables try to befriend me so much??#at least every other round against a sable one of them will try to get me to be friendly with them. and i just cant say no.
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Technoblade....
#not me rememebring to post this half a year after the zine it was made for got realsed becaue ei forgog#and then decided midgnight on a wednesday is the best time to post it#technoblade#philza#mcyt#yippe wohoo#i do like this thing even if soem bits bother me but whateevveerrr#missing technoblade times man augh#anyhow so yeah hi the 5 followers sho follow me for technoblade#i got you babes👍#we are listening to miotosis by fleet foxes!!#:)#also for anyone still reading im trying to be better at posting this year. which i say every year. but surley this year for realsies#<guy who thinks they post soooo often till they look in their art tag and realise they have pisted like 10 things ever probably...wops#totally gonna get better this year for sure so uh concider yourself warned because i might even follow through#so for now we are doing soem backlogging or whatever#:))#my art#see fisk i rememeber to tag my art for suureeee
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team fortress 2 finally getting rid of the bots after 5 years
work on the team fortress 2 comic continuing after 7+ years
half life 3 development looking more likely than ever with legitimate code, file, and voicework leaks referencing a new non-VR single-player game from valve featuring a HEV suit wearing protagonist and Xen creatures and concepts
shoutout to the valve fan that found the genie lamp. you a real one
#liz blogs#valve#team fortress 2#tf2#half life#half life 3#what did i say. what did i fucking say.#once again the impossible becomes commonplace#valve exists as a company to walk into the gaming industry. slap their dicks on the table. and yell THIS IS HOW ITS DONE#and the gaming industry has never been in a more sorry state than it is now. maybe second only to the 80s i think. something something ET#in b4 its called Half Life Xen as all the files reference ''hlx''. hl3 fakeout. but its another half life game.#half life 3 has been ''made'' multiple times in various states but its never been up to standards. whatever this project is though sounds l#like its very far in development. maybe they didnt give up this time#ive never been closer in my life to actually saying half life 3 confirmed. its not confirmed but its looking really good for once#crazy year to be a valve fan i'll tell you what#its only the actual objective most anticipated game of all time. no biggie#edit - added a link for the comic news for those who dont know. and the bot bans havent been announced in one place anywhere#but you can literally just look it up on youtube or twitter. valve has been mass-banning bots for the last month. fixtf2 worked
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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love fics where Danny ends up in the DC universe & every alarm goes off at once & the magic users are like "yeah that's the most powerful being in the universe & also possibly super evil we are FUCKED fucked" & the Justice League is freaking tf out trying to find this thing that casually tore a hole in reality & it just cuts to Danny (Fenton) standing in the background blissfully unaware & like "man my life sucks but at least i have this candy bar—" *drops it in a puddle*
#danny phantom#dc x dp#dp x dc#sorry it's 7am i havent slept & all i can think about is dp shit#so a normal day for me basically#you know that ''oh hes fucked up actually'' meme?#i like to view Danny as that but opposite. ''oh he's normal actually''#i think that is underutilized. Danny just being some kid#his life is insane & he has superpowers & is half dead & his parents are ghost hunters & his house is a lab#but underneath it all he really is just some kid#okay so this has gotten almost 300 notes in less than 12 hours so i need to say something#Danny being a little bit pathetic is key here#the others can view him as some super powerful god king. he can even look like it. but he HAS to be a little pathetic & even a bit stupid#he HAS to accidentally drop that candy bar & it HAS to land directly in some dirty street puddle#& he has to stand there for a minute just staring at it before picking it up phasing the water off & sighing so dejectedly#it rattles his lungs like he's about to cry & then he eats it anyways because that boy will eat anything#& all he had with him when he fell through that stupid portal was this candy bar Tucker threw at his head 2 seconds prior#so really he doesn't have anything else to eat at the moment#& then Batman is there#whipping the adoption papers out of his cape & choking out ''god i can't NOT adopt him'' or whatever
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pt.24!! <pt.23 pt.25>
i saw that cheese drawer yesterday. dumbstruck.
tag gang!! @andrewsleftarmband @blurryhour @you-know-i-get-itt @notexactlythatgirl @strangeoffputtingrat @tessasilverswan @minyard-05 @carbon-dated-gal @bisexualchaosdemon @stormiiflies @watercoloureyes01 @vampire-overlord @iron-sides @azure-wing @buffalo-fox @ohgodnotagainplease @pink-hydrangea @jaywalkerss @ohmynoggin-blog @cosmic-marauder @min-getoutofmy-yard @plazybones @disastersappho <33
#the cake thing i had to edit a pic of but i did that once or twice when i was 15 i kept my weed in there too#not my brightest idea i will say#also the constant andrew cat tweets are because i wholeheartedly believe that it’s the only thing he responds to now#unless you’re asking him about his cats you WILL be ignored. kevin’s on fire? whatever look at this little guy and his ball of string#aftg socmed au#aftg#kevin day#neil josten#andrew minyard#seth gordon#renee walker#aaron minyard#matt boyd#allison reynolds#dan wilds#nicky hemmick#aftg social media au
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redid my hms designs. i go on a ramble in the tags beware
#chonny jash#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cj heart#cj mind#cj soul#cccc heart#cccc mind#cccc soul#art#my art#i have a Lot to say about these#i made heart sea-themed because the moon controls the tide and shit#and also because like. hes a bird and yet...... hes sea-themed#vice versa for mind as hes a cuttlefish yet shes sky-themed#soul i really did some thinking with#you guys know aristotles rhetoric right#if heart is pathos (appeal to emotion) and mind is logos (appeal to logic)#then wouldnt soul be ethos (appeal to ethics) ?#and ethics is like#morality and whatever#like. your sense of judgement#ergo the judge/court themeing#wow guys look at me im so smart a ha ha#also her gavel can turn into a trident. cool#yeah thats all
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I couldn’t be a minecraft creator because if I was doing freaky gay roleplay with my friends and then got called siblings I would just end it all
#anyways mcyt fan culture makes me fucking insane I hate how it’s devolved into this#I bet nobody even cares about cc boundaries it’s just about being cool and parasocial with them#they don’t know you they don’t care. make their Minecraft characters kiss#they’re saying what you want them to say so they’ll stop being bombarded with annoying questions every day#also holy SHIT please stop making every woman have a familial dynamic#it’s ok for women to not always be the mom or the sister or whatever!!! it’s okay!!!!!!!#women can have relationships! why are you ignoring them and making everything about men!!!#I need to stop looking at the lifesteal fandom. I just get frustrated everytime I do
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banging on the wall of my asylum room can anyone hear me.
#pokemon#kieran#trainer kieran#florian#sghr#candyappleshipping#hrsg#rival kieran#trainer florian#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon sv#indigo disk#art#fanart#persona 5#shuake#trust me bro….#tealmaskshipping#suguharu#WHY ARE THERE SO MANY NAMES#giggling cackling sobbing maniacally#yknow throughout the game I was waiting for kieran to pop the ‘I hate you Florian’ like any self respecting rival yaoi would do#but he never…. did it……#HIS SPEECH IN THE TERAPAGOS ROOM WAS CLOSE ENOUGH THO!!!! CLOSE ENOUGH…..#speaking of which yeah maybe the bg being terapagos room instead of bb entrance would’ve fit better but whatever man#begging you not to look at any mistakes too closely I did this in a feverish frenzied state#does anybody get me or do I have to go insane all by myself#anywa i thought i was being delusional and mentally ill with my interpretation of kieran but then terapagos room happened and#HE JUST SAYS ALL THAT? HES ACTUALLY EXACTLY LIKE THAT. HES SO FUCKED#rank 8 akechi has such a special place in my soul. I’ve never been the same person since.
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crusty evolution redraw. in theory.
#xmen#xmen evolution#erik lehnsherr#magneto#quicksilver#pietro maximoff#snap sketches#i stopped liking this past the lineart stage but i told myself id try to finish whatever i start to at least try and learn somethin#did i learn anything ? thats for me to reflect on. for now tho ramble time 😌#its painful to draw erik with short hair but sometimes you gotta get outta the usual !! <- never doing this again#ive been ahead of my schedule with stuff i have to draw so ive simply decided todaay will be My Day for personal doodles#idk why ive decided my first evo fanart should be the one where erik and pietro leave behind wanda but ok !!!!! freak#i have a long hair ver but i didnt color it. i was just greedy .. not greedy enough tho evidently#anyways i have like. idk what four episodes of evolution left ?? depressing this show's great ...#i didnt nkow theyd have a david ep ... a pleasant surprise but now im emo ...#OH WELL lets see what else i doodle tonight#this week's going to be annoying but i think i say that every week LMAO and look at that i get through them anyway#we'll be fine and chill team .. ok bye bye
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you'll never guess which movie i finally watched after 2 years of being lazy
#dont you just love it when your artstyle changes like 5 times in the span of a day#i saw emmachen1003 give them the glove type thingys and went “that looks cool. im stealing it”#so uhm. props to them for being awesome and making cool art#anyways that was a fun movie#not gonna say the title here cause i think it messes with searching and i dont wanna do that#that n frame is like the first time i have ever done a decent angle/perspective thing#im so proud of it you don't even know#murder drones#murder drones uzi#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones nori#absolute solver#i guess#or is it absolutesolver#whatever#oh yeah uhmm#murder drones episode 7#murder drones episode 7 spoilers#murder drones spoilers#its been 2 weeks but im gonna give it another day just to be safe#just realized i fucked up the quote and its pissing me off so edited. go fuck yourself
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a point worth making when talking about the decrease of sexually explicit movies is that its happening simultaneously with an increase of intimacy coordinators and stronger awareness wrt making actors comfortable performing them. and potentially contractual power to refuse to do them without shooting your career in the foot
like yes, sure a lot of ppl watching are uncomfortable with sex scenes in many ways tumblr routinely dunks on, but also like lmao exploitation of young women who had to make rent-money and could be coerced into nudity/sex scenes they werent comfortable with was an issue in the industry for the longest time (and still is)
#.text#not to be like look at emilia clarke but look at emilia clarke#and tbh say whatever you want about poor things sex scenes but it is more comfortable to know that emma stone was an executive producer and#hence had a say in what did/didnt happen while in the 2000s#it was like russian roulette between this was fine and this was a torment nexus for the actress#1k
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#skitty#sniler#oh yeah. this is a shape. a certain flavor of creature. a certain bubblegum sort of flavor#thus they shall be…#idk it's 7 AM on new year's eve when i'm writing these tags. skitty is cute and all but i Cannot think of anything to say#i wanna play more nier automata#okay here. this thing is a cute pairing with cyndaquil for a pmd team#how about that#the one scene in rescue team where partner asks like moltres or whatever it is to look into their eyes? and it zooms in on them#yeah. you remember. you know the scene
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