#Whatever man I’m going to bed
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no i looooooove when random normal mundane things hurt me :) i love it
#what do you mean i hurt my knee from standing up#like. literally just. stood up. from sitting.#now there’s a stabby pain when i walk :D#how the fuck does that even happen#whatever man i’m going to bed
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WDAUKBCASJBKSCABUKCDSKBUCEAKBJCSALJBCASNLASCINLCQWLBIBLICSABLIACSL SCA <— remembered Timothy Rand exists
#sparrow speaks#He doesn’t exist he’s literally a made up charcter from a DND OODCAST-#Anywyas#Whatever man I’m going to bed
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I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t expecting Kathryn Hahn to be naked for so much of the first episode. NOT complaining, just to be clear. Just. Really physically and mentally unprepared
#like what am I supposed to do now??#just go to bed with a crystal clear image of Kathryn hahn’s ass in my head??#HOW???#between that and the hand lick I don’t know if I’ll ever sleep again#i’m no better than a man#I know I know#whatever just let me be a lesbian and cry over the art that is naked women#kathryn hahn#agatha all along#agatha harkness#mcu#marvel#agatha all along spoilers
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now is the time when i come out and say that i hate the term “fix it fic” so very much
#this is about ahb! actually yeah#like i get it fixing canon or whatever#cool. fine. whatever.#referring to other people’s alternate endings of art heist they wrote as ‘an ahb! fix it fic’ ?#not cool! not fine! not whatever!#THE ENDING WASNT BROKEN??#it didn’t need to be fixed ??????#HEY MAN LISTEN#ITS.NOT#ITS NOT BROKEN#and it hurts my feelings 😔👉👈 but that’s secondary#like wdym ‘this is the ending we deserved’ ???#‘this is how the end should’ve been’#like hey now! cut that. out.#and also …ouch??#i stand by the original ending + i won’t write an alternate ending so i don’t mind when people do!!#BUT MY ENDING WASNT BROKEN THERES NOTHING TO FIX#s(he’s) br(ok)en 😔#okay i’m done it’s just almost 4am and i’m upset#i just need 2 go 2 bed#nat speaks#art heist baby!
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Bad day. Horrible awful terrible bad day
#there’s not even a reason. nothing bad has actually happened#it just FUCKING SUCKS#I want to walk into a lake and never come back#I want to take my brain out of my skull and throw it at a wall and watch it splatter#I know today sucks because I’m so tense and upset that my back HURTS so fucking bad#cuz when this happens I tense up and my back muscles decide to coil around my spine and squeeze like a starving snake#it’s spreading through my shoulders and even to my chest which is a first#I just 😭😭😭 I want to go home except home also sucks cuz roommate#and I know he’ll be out in a few days but that feels like forever#and I’m so tired and I’m so upset and I want to curl up in a ball and cry and hide from the world#but I’m working a 7 day stretch at my job#and I have to transfer the power and internet to my name sometime before Wednesday#and I’m so sick of takeout the idea of eating it makes me want to vomit but I can’t physically bring myself to cook while they’re there#and I just. ugh. UGH#I’m so sick of existing#why does my life only allow me small handfuls of months at a time#where I’m not living in some form of disaster and stressed to all hell and back and just wanting to lay down and die#what did I do so wrong. what have I done to deserve all this shit#in my short terrible miserable fucking life#whatever I’ll just go home and stare at the wall#and then go to bed and come to work and come to work and come to work there’s always going to work#I’m going to fucking scream I hate my brain#why can’t it just regulate itself in a normal way cuz that’s the thing I know I’m being insane and nothing is actually this bad#but man if it doesn’t fucking feel that way#and being aware I’m being batshit really doesn’t make it better actually I think it makes it worse#kaz rambles
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#tired and sad today#idk what i want anymore and idk how to change anything but i every day i am more certain this cannot continue#everything’s fucking stupid man like i didn’t ask to be born now i’m not even allowed to not be alive cuz oooo people got feelings and shit#was it a greentext? that imaginary torture room with a sandpaper treadmill floor or whatever#if anyone knows what i’m talking about#i don’t mean to be melodramatic but that’s seriously how it feels to be alive for me exdee#like i’m just doing nothing being dragged along slowly being scraped into nothing#soon i’ll be an unfeeling lump of meat and viscera.i guess#now it really just doesn’t feel very nice#to exist or do anything or not do anything#i am incompatible with life#the guilt eats me alive#i’m sorry i’m not happy… i’m sorry it isn’t enough#i’m sorry i can’t do more and be better idk why i just cant pick myself up and keep moving for that long anymore#smh everything sucks dude#i’m going to bed#new day tmr#it will probably be mildly agonizing but generally tolerable as always#and always and always and always and
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my dumbass soulless deranged ass manager always wants to come in in the morning tb “ohh david was it just you by yourself tonight???” BRO. YOU look at the schedules you know damn well who is on mf maybe STOP making it so I have to get the whole fucking place by myself one night a week for three weeks now
#I wasn’t by myself last night but I just thought about it bc he asked me today for the 4828482th time#and my coworker told me I’m gonna be by myself again this week like I real life wanna call off so bad this shit is getting old#<- won’t tho For Reasons…..#but I feel the burn out creeping back in I’ve been so tired lately#if it’s not scheduling issues it’s this man trying to get me to do his work like ok ya I do like to keep moving but I am also tired…..#I try to be understanding bc he has health issues but then he straight up lies about doing things and then I catch him sitting in the#break room when it is not break time like ……. I’m over it boys#whatever tho im going to bed now -_-#thank u for ur time#text
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who knew the price of getting 4 days of alone time was a pet and family member passing away and 2 more family members being hospitalized (one is serious, the other will be fine)
All completely unrelated incidents. Just insane timing I guess.
Interesting series of phone calls these past 2 days.
#yeah that seems about right for my luck#not 1 good thing is allowed. ever.#Whatever man. Idk what to say.#Guess I’m back. Laying in bed doing nothing didn’t exactly help#If I seem detached well I didn’t really know the guy. Plus he was late 70s it wasn’t like completely unexpected#as for the hospital stuff. like I said 1 will be fine. the more uncertain case is in a different country#I don’t have all the details#and as for my cat. I don’t know. vet said it could have been a heart attack or stroke. no way of knowing#I’m so tired man.#taking tomorrow off as well.#boss is going to kill me when I get back#but holy shit#can’t say I don’t have an excuse#again don’t try to cheer me up or anything#that will only make me feel worse. socializing is not comforting for me. quite the opposite#hey man how was your weekend? oh. well. hah. just the usual
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sat around thinking abt the 2015 draft class again…… feeling melancholy and shit :/
#experiencing insane levels of ‘Man I Didnt Need To Do All Of That’#how many times can u exert your brainpower over some dudes being drafted EIGHT years ago b4 u go full on straight jacket ???#i’ll let you guys know when i find out 👍🏼 don’t worry i’ve been Thinking abt this for years#simply cannot help myself from thinking of all the little webs that were spun and tangled and unraveled#and the lasting psychological effects it has had on tumblr dot gov users everywhere#i’m all the days that you choose to ignore or whatever the fuck#i only stick with you cause there are no others!!!#it’s all wrong it’s all right it’s all wrong#crazy. none of this matters. going to bed
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the longer i’ve been on this website the more i realize that my childhood upbringing was…. atypical, at best.
..just today Mal said that it was weird that i’ve never had a bath. I’ve only ever taken showers??? they’re one to talk, all the bathing they do is polish their prosthetic. mans isn’t made of flesh
#pkmn irl#rotomblr#rotumblr#pokeblogging#whatever. i’m going to bed#//ooc: I don’t think it’s normal for SOME to never have a bath and only showers.#//only reason this is abnormal for hari is because he was raised in a fortunate family. he was just spared from the finer things of life.#//and my man was CERTAINLY exposed to the worse things of life#//but just like hari i too am going to bed. gn lmao
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y’all ever think about kissing your f/o. literally screaming into a pillow
#it’s not FUNNY i want to kiss a fictional man so bad right now it makes me look DUMB#hold on i need to be embarrassing for a sec#i’m thinking like… specifically those seconds in between kissing them where their eyes are drooped closed and they’re already leaning-#-towards you again and maybe their hair is a bit messed up because of you grabbing it and agdkfhfk#or like…. the kind of kisses where they’re laughing or giggling to themselves in between breaths and their eyes are squeezed shut and-#-they’re just smiling st you the whole time. literally not once dropping it even while kissing you.#SOBBING MAN…. I’M SO DESPERATE TO KISS ANY OF THEM :(((#doesn’t even have to be traditional kisses like#forehead kisses drive me literally insane#doing something kinda dumb and being met with them like snickering while they shake their head#having them push back your hair to kiss the top of your head while teasing you about it#when you’re cupping their face and they’re looking at you so adoringly and they’re cradling your palm to their face#them turning slightly to press a kiss to your palm while nuzzling into it further…… sobs#i am so soft right now i would literally die at just a peck on the cheek. send help#being busy doing something and they come up to watch you work on whatever it is#maybe it’s something you’re already used to and they can just watch you go through the motions like second nature#and for some reason watching you do something so naturally makes them remember just how much they love every bit of you#so they turn their head to kiss your cheek and when you look st them they just flash you a small smile before going back to whatever#OR OR getting kissed awake by them…. having them press little pecks all over your face when you’re already half awake…… aahdjfbfknc#literally kicking my legs in bed right now i am so not normal over any of these guys#ANYWAY hi tumblr. normal 11pm rainy activities i swear#i’m supposed to be packing…. oops#i’ll go do that right now BUT DO KNOW physically i am doing that mentally i am thinking of kissing fictional boys from a card game show#rainy.file#quartzshipping
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idk how the stage can get kuukou so wrong
while also getting him so right holy shit
#this is vee speaking#i wanna SCREAM lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#wow i sure am glad stage kuukou’s finally at the base level his drama track counterpart STARTED at!!!!!! FCK MAN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#like i’m happy they acknowledged that kuukou’s problems in harmonious cooperation was that he wasn’t looking at his team properly!!!!!!#but he wanted to help them that was the point!!!!!!! he childishly tried to approach them like whatever issues they were having were easy#but he still wanted to help them!!!!!! hitoya’s problems being boring?????? huh??????#y’all can’t possibly tell me this kuukou and the one who looked at jyushi’s tears and let go of his gripes about training him are the same#you can’t!!!!!!!! i won’t believe it!!!!!!!!! fck!!!!!!!!#i’m going to bed angry!!!!!!!! i’ll watch the play tomorrow!!!!!!!!! ig now i can focus on the rest of the play now lol!!!!!!!#c: kuukou👑
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😭
#do you guys ever listen to a song that you used to listen to nonstop and it just kinda hits you#idk how to describe it#lately I’ve had to use pandora cause Spotify has been acting up for me#so it’s been playing some random songs that I usually don’t listen to#and on my way home#it played#arms by Christina perri#and I almost started crying#even though I haven’t heard that song in YEARS#I still knew it word for word#I just find that so crazy#I mean it makes sense#I remember laying in my bed and I would play this song and a few other songs from that cd on repeat#I’m going to make a post with the song cause one of the lyrics is giving me so much warmth and comfort#one day I’m hoping I’ll find that person#I’ve been hearing some songs that I’m like#man that would make a super cute wedding song#like the first dance or whatever#I’m so fucking sappy it’s not even funny#I mean there’s reasons for it and I don’t want to get into that on here#but my love life is just kind of a mess and idk if it’ll ever work itself out#I feel like I’m always going to be the bridal stylist or the bridesmaid or attending a wedding#idk if I can see myself getting married which is so sad to me#cause I feel like that’s one of my biggest dreams and goals in life#to find that person#that person who makes the bad days a little better#who can make me smile even when I’m sobbing… who wants to learn me inside and out cause they love me so much#wowowoowowowowow that song made me SO sappy and emotional#I just want to find the loml and get a house and have some fur babies and maybe one day actual babies#shut up rosie
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“I need water. I thought I could substitute it with white claw, but I don’t think so”
#rambling#I’m doing great tonight LMFAOOOO#I’m gonna have an edible and eat some stuffed peppers I made#I’ll also take a shower and feel new#tomorrow I go to PA to see my mom :’) and she can take care of me#when I’m with my mom I’m more motivated to not rot in my bed#mainly due to shame but whatever works man LMAO
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going through many mood swings right now send help besties
#leah.txt#whenever i start yelling and manically typing and saying shit like besties and girlies know that i’m having a moment#started crying out of nowhere over that art i ranted about last night before deleting so like maybe only a couple people know what i’m#talking about but like that wasn’t a funny joke jfc and the amount of people replying to it just shows me people don’t see a problem with#that if it’s a fictional man whose a villain but if that happened to anyone irl or even to the heroes in the games then they wouldn’t find#that funny. signs#sighs* whatever idc i’m so tired and it’s not even 11am i want to go back to bed
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age gap autumn girl fuck you
#laid down on his bed he asks if i’m alright with him locking the door i say should i be afraid of you locking the door he rolls his eyes#i’m watching a pot on his stove we’re alone in his apartment he’s standing right behind me and i look at the glass of his kitchen window#so i can catch his reflection he’s just standing there waiting for his vegan pasta his meatless dish but i still feel like prey this#weekend i shared a hotel room with the kids they came over at night to watch a game and they’re all cuddled up around me they’re all#laughing and laughing and laughing and telling me about their exes and their boyfriends and i’m under the arm of one of them and he says#kitty kitty you’re going to fall off the bed i rest my head on another’s calf and she says kitty your hair is so soft and they’re all#laughing#i keep this in my drafts and a month after it's freezing at night i'm looking up at a man that might be fifty or at least forty five i#ask his name which i don't remember now because i was plastered. i was so drunk i tell him mister whatever-his-name was you're so handsome#and he blushes like i'm the one chasing him and that's because i am. i am laughing with all of my teeth out. he giggles pretty like i've#spent years doing and i ask him what is it sir what is it and he says i'm not usually told that and i nudge a little more i say you don't?#how? you're so handsome i say it in the way they all taught me in the way i've heard it before i keep going until he leaves for his place#but he doesn't invite me back because it's clear i've made him uncomfortable so i frown a little and lean back towards the boy i made out#with the night before i tell him huh old guy won't fuck me and he laughs he says so you really like them older i say yeah i laugh#i laugh and then i say but they don't seem to like me anymore he makes a joke about me having cut my hair short and i say no it's because#i'm too old for them now and he shakes his head do you see how fucked up that is he tells me and i just laugh harder but don't tell him it#is the truth. but not the whole of it. the rest of the truth is in me prowling through the bars another night and making eyes at them#instead of baring my neck when they come at me it's in me growing into a man in the steel of elevators and their sheets in the ac of their#offices and the heat of their cars and outgrowing them not to turn away from them but to become them that salivating beast they all are#all of us are i lean back on walls and show them a hip a boot-ed-on foot that is still small a wrist that is still thin a jaw that still#won't grow fuzz but don't they see right through they see right through this too small costume i've put on for them in the same way i#used to swear i saw through them too i swore i saw them for what they were but without even noticing they've done what they do in movies#and books and songs and middle-school health classes like in every warning that was given to me but here in this far away country i just#laugh and laugh harder when he says it makes sense though i mean i'm older than you too and he's only 24 and he says it so boyishly#almost with a pout and i cackle and he laughs too and there we are and we sound like children there in the street
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