#Whatever You Give Life You Will Get Back (Eric Cartman)

[hannah-h-pleb]

HANNAH PLEASEEEEEEE

Eric bragging to his friends about how loud you are in bed and how pretty you look when you’re crying from just his tongue. Literally none of them believe him, even Kenny is skeptical 💀💀

Because like, Cartman? Eric Cartman who’s not shit in bed??? Eric Cartman who’s slept with his gf??? They simply don’t believe it and it’s just him desperately trying to convince them for a sec

Harley you’re a genius. I’m sorry it took so long to get to this. But since I’m feeling extra silly let’s really talk about it

Gonna write these as headcanons but who knows, maybe I’ll write a blurb about it 🤭

Eric Cartman x Reader: Bragging to His Friends About You

Content Advisory: Smut (18+), minors DNI, aged up characters (think “college AU”)

When you and Eric first got together, everyone immediately assumed he was going to be abusive towards you the same way he was with Heidi back in the day. Miraculously this claim was proven to be false as they watched Eric treat you with actual respect, although there were some that still claimed it was “fake” or that he was just “manipulating you”. Therefore another claim was made about you and Eric…”Their sex life must be horrible!” “There’s no way she actually sleeps with him” “I bet he has a tiny dick”

Even Eric’s closest friends, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny, all had their doubts about Eric’s performance in bed. They pinned him as one of those guys who brags about the size of his dick when in reality, it’s not that big. Therefore, they found it really hard to believe that Eric could actually successfully please his girlfriend in bed

Plot twist….he really does…and nobody believes it. But you on the other hand, you’ve experienced it…..

Eric was never one to coddle you in bed. He wasn’t one of those “soft and sweet” boys in the bedroom. When you guys do it, it’s rough, primal, and downright kinky. Eric was pleasantly surprised to find out that you actually enjoyed how rough he was and it only agged him on to give it to you harder. He could be kind to you of course, but when he gets you alone it’s a completely different story

He’s mean. He does one of two things while eating you out: He edges you on his tongue, or he continues to eat you out after you orgasm to overstimulate you. No matter which option he chooses, he aims to make you cry on his tongue whether it be by begging him to let you cum or begging him to stop because “it’s too much”

He would also make you ride his face as he eats you out. This way he could grip your thighs and hold you down on his face while he edges or overstimulates you to his hearts content

Eric is almost always in control and he wants you to know that. He controls your orgasms, he owns your body, he will fuck you as hard he was wants, use whatever toys he wants, and you don’t get a say in any of it. To some, this seems cruel, but to you the feeling of being utterly powerless under Eric and letting him hold all the cards is just so hot. Plus this man loves control so he thrives on making you a needy mess for him

He wants you to beg for what you want. In fact, he wants you to prove how much you want his cock by making you ride one of his dildos before giving you his cock. “Prove it. Prove to me how bad you want this cock. Go on, show me that you’re a good whore and maybe I’ll give it to you”

And when he finally fucks you he shows no mercy. He manhandles you, forcing you down into a mating press and fucking you as hard as he wants. Or, he bends you over and fucks you into the mattress while pulling on your hair, smacking your ass, or digging his nails into your skin. Even if you’ve came for him once or twice already, it’s not over until he says it is or until he gets tired

He has surprisingly good stamina though. The adrenaline rush he gets from the control he holds over you is enough motivation for him to keep going until he can’t. Once again, if he’s not making you cry, he’s far from finished

Your crying and sobbing only turns him on more. It’s the POWER he loves. Knowing he’s the one who can bring you so much pleasure that you start to cry is nearly enough to make him cum on the spot

Oh, and then there’s the name calling and the mocking. He WILL call you names, he will mock you for being a “needy little slut” for him, and he just loves it

Now imagine him sitting at lunch bragging about all of this to his friends. He doesn’t spare any details either. He tell them everything, how you cry and beg him to fuck you, how he licks the tears off your face, the marks he leaves on your ass, everything

And do his friends believe him….of course not. Because why would CARTMAN of all people actually be good at sex? Not to mention Kyle would be the one to speak up and say “You’re not supposed to hit girls or make them cry in bed”, and Kenny would chime in with, “Maybe she cries because of how bad you are”. While the table erupts with laughter, Eric goes “You guys are probably just jealous because I’ve got a hot girlfriend who lets me fuck her however I want and you assholes can’t even get a girls number”. Stan rolled his eyes, “Just keep telling yourself that dude”

Despite his desperate attempts to convince them, they simply don’t believe him and that angers him beyond belief. So just be ready to have some dark hickies all over your neck. This way, everyone will know who you belong to and who makes you feel good

Who knows. Maybe he’ll “accidentally” leave his phone lying around on record well you guys fuck. This way, he’ll have irrefutable proof that you enjoy how cruel he is to you, and that he and he alone makes you cry and cum on his cock over and over again

[lovelykil]

「 Sex 」

kyle x reader older ver.

cw; sex word

note; sometimes I be feeling like I'm asexual but then again I'm DEFINITELY not, it's weird so I wrote this for no reason anyway..

"You know what I noticed when fucking girls? Their nips get hard when you rub, flick, or suck on them it's what ultimately helps them reach their climax if you were to mess and fuck her at the same time." Kenny picked at his tooth with a pic, laying back in his seat. Cartman scoffed while Stan looked down at his hands.

Questioning whether he had been giving his girlfriend a good time or not.

"Holy shit, have I been doing it all wrong?"

"Kenny you've sucked on tits before?"

"Hasn't everyone?" The blonde flicked his toothpick out the car window, smirking at Cartman from the other side of the car. Eric nodded his head in defeat at his accusation towards Kenny, giving it some thought.

"Can you guys stop talking about your sex lives? It's weird hearing the shit you say about girls when you're fucking them." After countless stories with Kenny bluntly talking about his sex life, Stan occasionally, and Cartman.. well we all know whatever comes out of his mouth is a lie so not really him, but him budding in was just as annoying.

Kyle looked back at the group of his friends in the backseat "Honestly." Kyle muttered, you could hear the annoyance in his voice, he was as fed up with their shit as I was.

We heard Kenny laugh with Cartman, they looked at each other before settling down. I rolled my eyes at the behavior of the two, getting ready to crush Eric with setting my seat down.

"Are you guys just sad that yall don't have one? I mean come on you've been together for a year now and it's clear you guys haven't done it yet." Cartman snickered, his words hitting me in the face. And just when I was about to obliterate him with my seat, I stopped to process what he said.

"Why does sex even matter? I don't see why we should do it just because everyone else does.. right Y/n?" Kyle turned his head to look at me for back up and agree with him, I met his eyes and wanted to agree, but I didn't exactly know myself.

Sure our relationship was pretty solid, nothing to bad about it except the sex part.. but I never thought about it.

Well occasionally I did.

I wondered how'd he feel inside me as our bodies collided together, sweat rubbing against each other as we let out lewd sounds in each other's ears, making each other feel good.

But he never mentioned it so I guessed it wasn't relevant to our relationship at least that's what I thought before.. now-? I guess it's a different story.

"I- I don't know." I looked away from Kyle's gaze, to focus on the swaying trees and the clear blue skyline.

"Wha-? Y/n-"

"Ohuhhhh Kyle you see? Sex does matter, it connects you with your partner! If you don't do it sooner or later your relationship will eventually fall apart. It's just scientifically proven." Kenny stated with a subtle shrug, proving his suppose 'point'

After giving Kenny a look of uncertainty and irritation, Kyle glanced at me his brows furrowing in hesitation to reach out for one more word, but he quickly gave up that thought and sat back in his seat. His hands rested on his steering wheel, breathing out a small sigh.

"Alright Saturday car ride is over.. I'm taking you guys home." The conflicted teen started his car, looking ahead. The boys groaned loudly, obviously not ready to go home yet. Kenny was going to argue but it's impossible to change Kyles's mind once it's made up so he shook off the idea, calming down, and talked to his friends as Kyle began to drive.

My eyes still remained on the window, watching the scenery pass me by in a flash my mind still wasn't made up.. I was confused.

My chin rested in the palm of my hand, thinking to myself as my arm rested against the window. I felt Kyle's eyes lay on me then the warmth of his pale hand softly placed on my leg. I quickly reacted, my head turning in surprise to his movement.

He gave me a faint smile, trying to cheer me up he even rubbed his thumb along my leg, caressing it. I couldn't help but smile back feeling bad for my reaction to him earlier.

Maybe sex just isn't for everyone.

. . .

"Annd finally homee!" I fell onto the couch, letting out a relieved sigh. Kyle joined me and sat next to me, a smile graced his face as he chuckled at my playful antic ."Home is nice isn't it?" He asked in a soft voice, looking at me. I sat up correctly, nodding slowly with a quiet smile. We sorta stared at each other for a bit before the elephant in the room came in.

"Hey.. the sex thing.." He took his eyes off me, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. My mouth hung open slightly, almost completely forgetting the incident, I mentally cursed to myself regretting what I said.

"Oh, that.."

"Yeah.. did you want to.. uhm.. like-?" He set his hand down, glancing over at me. I looked at him pausing for a thought.

Do I want to actually have sex with him?

Would it make me.. happy? Fulfill something I didn't know needed to be filled?

If we didn't.. would it change anything?

Shit..

I trembled, my mind racing with various thoughts related towards sex. More than the average teen male probably..

I felt my seat sink some bit as a warm body connected to me, a hand rested on mine and held it softly. I looked up at the ginger in surprise. He looked back at me with a sweet smile.

"Hey it's okay if you don't know, I don't mind if you do or not want to do it anytime soon. I just think it's kinda weird how you supposedly need sex for a relationship to work but really.. we just need each other." He kissed my head softly, explaining himself.

Once he looked down at me I held his hand tightly, feeling myself grow lighter from all this. I sheepishly grew a shy smile up at him "Wow that was corny." I teased, grinning slightly.

With a playful roll of his eyes, he let out a soft laugh and leaned in, gently rubbing his nose against mine. I couldn't help but scrunch up my nose in response, giggling along with him before pulling away with a content sigh. "No but really that makes me feel better I didn't know what to do or say..for now, I wanna wait.. if that's okay with you?"

"That's perfectly fine with me, sweetheart." His response caused a rush of warmth to flood my cheeks, the nickname catching me off guard. I leaned into his chest, wrapping my arms around him. Despite a brief moment of hesitation, he returned the hug, his arms circling me tightly creating a comforting warm embrace.

"Sex is overrated anyway."

"Agreed!"

[loganically]

MINOR CARTMAN RANT AHEAD

I've noticed a lot of his behaviors link to his mother. So, I'm more-or-less giving a reason as to WHY he behaves the way he does. Analyzing his character.

Most of his behaviors come from his mother. She's a sex worker and does drugs, and it's known (if you pay attention), Eric isn't exactly separated from her job. In fact, he relates sex to violence and loving attention to abuse. (Watch the Tweak vs. Craig episode).

Liane Cartman is a single mother, and Eric is a result of a one nightstand. She's not friends with the other parents. She keeps no contact with Eric's father at all. She has no friends. If you watch the Halloween episode, Eric SAYS his mother made him it. He's 8 then and doesn't have a fundamental understanding of how bad Hitler really was. On top of that, he has little to no internet restrictions. And, instead of explaining the Holocaust, she just fed into it. Even later on, she never explains.

She just lets Eric do whatever he wants. In the Dog Traininger Episode, when she finally has someone in her life besides Eric, Eric finally gets undercontrol. He starts doing his homework, brushing his teeth, using manners, and eating healthier. But when the person who was helping her leaves, she goes right back to giving in to Eric. And, for clear reasons, this isn't good. Because Cartman goes right back to being Cartman. Liane is unstable and not fit to be a mother. She has taught Cartman nothing, and he's barely her son–they both manipulate each other and are their only friends.

The environment is horrible to raise a child in, and because no one has actually sat down and talked to him, he continues to think his antisemitism, racism, and everything else.

[swagship-sideblog]

Pinned! Read for info!!

pro-fiction pro-whatever lolicon cartoon fan. dont like - dont look

[art tag]

The main things I enjoy at the moment are: Ed Edd & Eddy, Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends, Ojamajo Doremi, Mob Psycho 100, Homestuck, and whatever other shit i'm into at the moment

Read more below to see my fav ships & characters!

Current Waifus:

Senoo Aiko - my baby, my one and only, I love her so much........... I relate to her on so many levels and just love her alot... I actually have 2 different narratives in my head for this one, one where my self insert is a cute lil catboy who gets sent to her universe, and one where she magically shows up in mine. I could talk about her for hours but all you need to know is that she's my sweetheart of the whole world and I love her <333

Double Dee - i would do. so many things. i shant say...

Ships I like:

Anything ed edd & eddy - any combination of the characters works for me. I love all of them so much

MobRei - been a fan of this one for years, always been there for me and I quite enjoy it [ageswap AU is my fav <33]. Many of the fics I read of them are very cathartic to me, so these 2 hold a special place in my heart

RitMob - also love this one, it's very very cute, was there for me when I was stuck hanging out with antis but my love for mob could never be fully repressed <3

Rickorty - this one's so fucked up but my brain loves it lmao... the first time I read a fic of them I got suuuuper guilty about it the next day, but unfortunately I find guilt pretty hot so this one latched onto my brain like a virus, huge fan

Stridercest - pretty much all forms of it are right up my alley. Don't post about it as much currently but it's an absolute longtime CLASSIC and I love it. Most recently was on an alpha stridercest kick because I love dom shotas and watching Dave fight for his life

Kris x Spamton - I absolutely love the themes being developed in deltarune so far, and I feel like these 2 characters and their interactions explore the themes relating to control and freedom very beautifully... both Kris and Spamton are characters whose struggles I can relate to easily/empathize with, so some of the fics I read of them can be very cathartic and comforting... alot of complex emotions arise from this ship, and I really love it. its also really hot lol.

SaiGenos - oh man.... cyborgs...... I read a fic where some of Genos' wires get fucked up and he needs Saitama to plug them back in cuz hes basically immobile until they get fixed... and OUGH it's really hot..... I read alot more im addition to this, but this one was REALLY good

Scratch x Molly: I enjoy a veeery specific wholesome flavor of this ship, but not many people draw it the way I like (last I checked), so any fellow shippers feel free to say hi lol

Style (south park) - this one is an ABSOLUTE classic, a childhood favorite of mine, and im glad to say it lives on in my heart after all these years <3

Kyman (just a little) - I can have a little kyman... as a treat :3

And many others......

Other Waifus (for historical purposes):

Bloo: jeeeze louise he's so cute. He's such a little brat I just wanna pick him up and shake him around <3 bloo crying 10 minute compilation on loop

Dirk Strider - had a big phase of liking him lol. He's really cute <3

Eddy - I need to put him in a dress and make him cry tears of pleasure

Eric Cartman - I have a thing for little chubby boys in drag btw

Brobot - yes, the battle robot dirk made in his image. It's hot. I like to imagine giving it a personality <33

Mob - unfortunately I was hanging out with antis during my original Mob Psycho phase, so I didn't really accept my love for him & he didn't register in my brain like that... but I still had dreams of cuddling with him and fantasized of being able to meet him and comfort him (and got really high an pretended to cuddle with him using my cat lol), so I believe he still counts

Reigen. - I had a pretty substantial reigen obsession during my first mp100 phase, I have a 125 image porn collection of him from back them lmfao. He's pretty alright

Hal 9000 (2001 a Space Odyssey) - I fucking love hal

Karkat Vantas - excuse my french but I need his transboy tentacle cock in my mouth he is very cute

Mituna Captor - Mituna.......... yippee!!!

Dave Strider - he's every transmascs favorite character of course I like him... tried writing a self insert kissing practice gone wrong fanfic but I couldn't get his dialogue right so I gave up lol

Charles Calvin (Henry Stickmin) - now I know this one's pretty out of place compared to the rest but uh... yeah he was probably my BIGGEST obsession with a fictional character... like it was detrimental at some points lol. But man I really wanted to fuck this stick figure X] I actually created a Google drive folder with about 230 pictures of Henry stickmin porn, even including a document with all the sources I could find lol. If you recognize me from this information, no you don't

Genos (OPM) - god I was reeeeaaally into him when I was watching one punch man and I LOVED him. I still love him just focused on other characters atm <3

And probably some others

Other fav characters

Hunter (TOH) - bro he's just like me fr fr... quite love him and want to see him happy

Scratch (tgamm) - DUDE he's so silly funny, so goofy silly..... these so underrated and ppl need to appreciate him more >:3

Kyle (SP) - mannnn Kyle is pretty cute, some of these south park characters are nearing the waifu tier, it's going to be very silly goofy

Kenny (SP) - dude kenny is one of my classic childhood crushes, shoutout kenny lol

Spongebob (Squarepants) - another one of my childhood crushes, youll see me occasionally post about him too lol.

+ plenty others lol

[empressofthesunwriter]

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 2: One Stick: Lost, Three Warriors: Find

The next minutes of my life I seriously wonder what is going on.

Believe me, moving around the whole country, you get to see really freaky shit, but whatever is going on in South Park breaks the record.

Eric, whom I learn his surname is Cartman, what’s me to beat up Clyde, and the beating up Clyde turns into a round-based video game alla Final Fantasy!

Do you think I’m kidding?

No, I swerve it’s true.

I don’t know how it works, but it works really like that!

If I can summon something in the near future it’s officially a Final Fantasy rip-off!

Anyway, I know the drill and kick Clyde’s ass.

I had to keep from laughing when I needed to learn to “protect my balls” since I don’t need it technically.

But the one who is laughing right now is Cartman.

“HAHA, HAHAHA! Dude that was awesome! You were all like BRAMMGMG! And Clyde was all like "aaghghg, noo"! Hahahaha! Okay, okay. You've proved yourself worthy, Douchebag. Now, come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic.”

With that said fatass does it and I turn to Clyde, rubbing my neck, feeling bad.

“Sorry, dude, for that.”, I apologize for the beating I gave him.

He huffs a “Whatever.” and goes back to his station.

A little whine left my lips.

Okay, I need to do damage control there, for sure. But since I don’t know Clyde that well, I will leave him alone for now and try again later.

So I enter the tent, to stand beside Cartman.

I wonder what kind of relic we are talking here about and what it can do.

“Well, here it is.”, beginns Cartman. “The reason why humans and elves are locked in a never-ending war. The relic for which humans and elf are willing to die... The Stick of Truth.”

It’s just a normal twig on a pillow, a lamp shining down on it!

I admit I’m disappointed.

They couldn’t, I don’t know, put some glitter or fake rhinestones on it? I mean, be creative, dude! What is this sad-looking thing?

Since Cartman can’t hear my thoughts, he just continues to monologue: “Just two days ago, we took the Stick back from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now it thrives. For whoever controls the Stick, controls the universe.”

If this thing controls the universe it sure looks shitty. That is the ugliest relic, I ever saw in my entire life!

Like it is really all so powerful Cartman closes his eyes and nearly cowers before it.

At least he is really involved.

“Don't gaze at it too long!”, he warns me. “For its power is too much for mere mortals to look at!”

Yeah, I could poke my eye out with it! If it would be a giant rock, I would be more impressed.

I’m sad I can’t make that reference.

“Now that you have seen the Stick of Truth, let's discuss your dues.”, says Cartman.

“Dues?”, I repeated with a raised eyebrow.

What, does he want me to pay him so I can participate in the game?

Apparently yes, before I can tell him that I won’t give him any of my pocket money we hear Butters screaming: “ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!”

“Someone has sounded the alarm!”, yells Cartman.

“Yeah, Butters.”, I deadpan.

It was clearly his voice.

Butters enter the tent hectic and jumping up and down.

“Alarm alarm alarm!!”

“What is it?!”, demands Cartman to know.

“The elves are attacking!”

“Oh my GOD! Defensive positions!”

With that Cartman runs back out. I blink for a second before I decide I should follow. That’s clearly part of the game and I indent to play it.

“Man the gate! Don't let them through!”, yells Cartman.

Yep, there is an Elf army right in front of us led by a blond-haired one. Things are about to get interesting. I can feel it.

“Give us the Stick, humans!”, demands blondie.

“Fuck you, drow elf!”, growls our Wizard King. “Come and get it! CLYDE! Guard the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress!!”

“Aye, aye!”, responds Clyde.

“"Aye, aye"? We're not playing PIRATES, Clyde!”

Oh, that would be a cool game too. I would want to be Anne Bonnie!

“Douchebag!”, turns chubby at me. “This is your chance to prove yourself. Hold off the asshole elves at all costs!!”

I salute.

“As you wish my lord!”, I can’t help but get into character.

Cartman is a fat fuck, nonetheless, I will give my all. With a battle cry, worthy of an amazone, I run into the fry of battling humans and elves and fight whowever comes before me.

Again it’s like I’m in fricking Final Fantasy and a learn some new game machines.

The fucking asshole who hit the poor kitty cat got an extra hard beating, no one fucks with cats when I’m around. I love cats, they are my favorite animal. I want a cat, but because we move so much my parents don’t allow it.

In the end, I beat all this bitch ass bitches in their bitch ass faces.

“Drow elves! Fall back! Fall back I say!”, cries blondie leader elf and all of these little bitches get out of the backyard.

“And don’t come back!”, I yell after them, waving my wand around.

Oh yeah, that was so much fun! I could do this the whole day.

Princess Kenny claps for me and then swoons hard as I send her a kiss. Gosh, she has such a cute giggle!

Even Cartman is in celebration mode.

“YES! Awesome, dude! TAKE THAT YOU ASSHOLE ELVES! Better luck next time!”

He then starts to do a little dance and sing: “NA NA NA NAAA NA! We still control the universe! HA HA HA HA HAAA HA!”

Suddenly Clyde appears.

He says just two words, yet it seems the world stands still.

“It's gone.”

I swerve, I hear a record scratch.

“What?”, ask Wizard Fatass.

“The Stick of Truth. The elves got it.”

Oh, that is bad. That is really, really bad.

For Clyde.

I don’t think Cartman will like that.

And I’m right as Cartman yells in Clyde’s face: “THAT WAS YOUR ONE GOD-DAMNED JOB CLYDE! TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING TRUTH! Clyde... you are hereby BANISHED from space and time!”

You hear how practically anyone whines at this. I stand beside Princess Kenny and whisper: “What means that?”

She goes on her tippy-toes to answer in my ear: “It means practically he can’t play anymore with us. And we all have to ignore him.”

I twitch at this.

Damn, that’s hard.

I sure hope I don’t get punished when the truth comes out that I’m a girl. I would feel so sad when nobody wanted to play and talk to me anymore.

“What?! No! You can't do that!”, argues Clyde back.

I don’t think that helps against the fatass.

“Yeah, I can! You're banished, and lost in time and space!”

“Yeah! Go home, Clyde!”, adds our paladin, as Clyde angrily walks away.

There goes my chance to clear things with him.

Awesome.

I just should have done it and not waited around.

I hope it won’t bite me in the ass.

“You fought bravely on the battlefield, Douchebag.”, turns Cartman to me.

I salute again.

“It was nothing my lord, just did my duty to the kingdom.”

“Yeah, this new kid may be a douchebag but he sure can fight!”

I gave Scott for that remark the evil eye and he seems to flatter under it.

Not only here is another one who can’t tell I’m a girl, but he also just straight-up insults me, even though I saved his diabetic ass.

Next time, he can straight-up die.

“Shut up, Scott, nobody cares what you think.”. tells him Cartman and I can’t believe I agree with him. It feels…strange. “Anyways, we have a bigger problem now! The Stick of Truth has been stolen, and we must assemble our ENTIRE army in order to get it back.”

“But our three best warriors still haven't reported for duty, my King!”, reminds him Butters.

“Our newest member can take care of that.”

“What?”

Did I hear right?

Cartman grips me by the arm and leads me a little away from the others.

“Douchebag, I want you to go out into the neighborhood and find my greatest warriors: Token, Tweek, and Craig.”, he says.

Seems like this is my first quest.

Just one problem…

“As you wish my lord, but I don’t know them.”

“That’s no problem, I am texting their pictures to your personal inventory device now.”

Cartman gets his phone out a sends to my phone three pictures. One of a black boy, one blond kid, and another has a resting I-don’t-give-a-fuck-Face.

….Where the heck, did Cartman get my number from? I sure didn’t give it to him…

“But beware. The lands outside are full of marauding drow elves, monsters, and sixth graders.”, warns Cartman. “Be sure you are well equipped. Now go! And send my warriors here! Butters, go with him.”

“Of course!”, says the paladin happy and standing beside me.

I salute, Butters follows my lead.

“You can count on us, my lord!”

This pleases Cartman greatly and he enters the war tent.

I search for a map of South Park on my phone to show it to Butters.

“So noble paladin, where should we first go?”, I ask him.

He gives a little hum, till he points to a blue house, a neighborhood away.

“Let’s get Craig first. His house is the closest.”

“I will trust your judgment.”

Butters gives me a brilliant smile. I ask him to give me a minute and walk up to Princess Kenny.

I bow before her.

“I must go to fulfill my quest, my lady. Be sure that I will think of your beautiful being should I find myself in great despair.”, I flirt.

The princess swoons hard and mumbles something about, what a brave and noble knight I am and that she will pray for my safe return.

I give her a smile and take her gloved hand in mine. I give it a little kiss, which makes her happily squeal. I have a feeling she is smiling brightly under her parker.

With that, I give her one last bow and join Butters.

Let’s find these three warriors!

“So…you know I am a girl.”, I say to Butters, as we make our way to Craig’s house.

It’s not a question. I know that he knows since he signaled behind Cartman’s back to me to keep my real gender secrete.

The younger boy rubs nervous his neck.

“Yeah…”

“And you are okay with it? Why did you help me?”, I wonder.

“Oh well.”, starts he nervously playing now with his fingers. “You are a fifth grader, right?”

I nod.

“I just thought…if an older girl helps me against an elf, doesn’t make fun of us, and wants to play…who I am to not let her? You are already different from the girls around here.”

I let that sink in.

Butters is a good boy, I decide.

But I don’t like what he implies about the girls of this town.

“How are the girls here in South Park?”, I want to know.

“Oh you know…really girly. The girls in my grade, don’t like to play games with us boys and the older girls seem only to think about giving boys B.J., whatever that is.”

…What?!

I hold Butters’s shoulder, so he stops walking. He blinks up at me with big blue eyes. His eyes are a shade lighter then Princess Kenny, I note. It reminds me of a little puppy.

Aww, cutie pie.

“So you are saying the fourth-grade girls are your typical girly girls and the girls in my grade already give B.J. and I’m happy you don’t know what that is. You are way too young to know about that.”, I state.

“Oh, you know what that is?”

Now I’m the one who rubs her neck.

“I’m a bit to couriers, you could say. Whatever. Also, all girls are here probably straight, fantastic.”, I sign sadly.

That get me wrong, I will continue pursuing Princess Kenny…I just thought I could get my game on to with some pretty girls here.

Stupid backward hicktown.

I fucking knew it!

“You seem disappointed, why?”, asks me Butters innocent.

“I’m bi, I’m attracted to more than one gender. I was actually dating a girl before I moved here.”, I tell him nonchalantly.

I don’t care if I will get judged here. I’m who I’m and I will not feel ashamed of that. My parents fully support me and went even to the last Pride Parade with me.

So fuck anybody else!

Butters just stares at me, I raise an eyebrow, till he gives me a little smile.

“Oh, that’s neato. You are so brave! What was your girlfriend like?”

Aww, it’s official, Butters is a sweetheart. The little dude has a good chance of becoming a little brother to me.

Smiling I ruffle his hair and tell him about Serena. He listens attentively and asks questions.

After I show him a picture of her, he agrees that she is a really beautiful girl.

Meanwhile, we go into my house, where I decide to put my Link Cosplay on. Butters, of course, waits for me outside my room and then we make our way to Craig’s house.

I’m quite happy it still fits me and hope our Princess will swoon hard when she sees me.

We kick some elf asses also because it seems these little bitches are everywhere.

But they are nothing against Paladin Butters and Mage N.K.!

Soon we are there.

I check if Butters and I still look presentable, which makes him giggle as I straight up his robes before I knock at Craig’s door.

An older gentleman with balding red hair opens.

“Yes?”

“Hello, sir, is Craig home? We want to ask him to play with us.”, I ask smiling.

“Ya lookin' for Craig? Well, he can't play. He's in detention. Something about flippin' off the principal.”

And with that Craig’s dad closes the door before my nose.

I blink and then I frown.

Wow, rude much?!

“We better get to the other guys first!”, means Butters.

“I agree. Who is the nearest one?”

“That would be Token.”

“Then let’s go, Butters.”

South Park is a small town, yet it feels like we are walking for hours. We did find some Sir Timothy station, which is a traveling service of a handicapped child in a wheelchair with a red wagon. Butters explains to me that Timmy lets travel anyone in his wagon if you call for him, even for free, which is really nice.

Anyway, we are still not quite there where Token lives, so me and Butters talk.

“Is Butters your real name or a nickname?”, I want to know.

I’m asking that myself since I met him.

“Oh, it’s a nickname. My real name is Leopold.”

…How the fuck do you get Butters out of Leopold? Wouldn’t Leo be a better nickname? And a more logical one?

I turn my head to him and raise an eyebrow.

“Do you like Butters?”

“Oh, well it has been my nickname since I can remember.”

“I didn’t ask you that, I asked if you like it.”

My little fourth-grade buddy bites his lip. He doesn’t seem to know how to answer.

Someone fucked him up good and I decide from that moment on that he is now mine to protect and cherish.

So I lay a hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile.

“If it’s okay with you, I will call you Leo from now on. Do you know Leo comes from Latin and means lion? It fits you better.”

He gives me such a wide-eyed, teary, look that I practically melt and hug him sideways.

Leo squeaks a bit and turns red.

“And tell you what, from now on I’m your big sister and when someone is mean to you, you tell me and I beat the shit out of them, okay?”, I add, ruffling his hair.

The boy gives me a tiny, fragile smile and nods his head.

“Okay…big sister.”

This makes me smile brightly.

“Atta boy!”

After our heartful moment, we finally reach where Token lives. He lives in a guarded community named Dark Meadows.

…How rich is this kid?

Can he screw the rules, with the money he has?

Anyway, that’s not important right now. A security guard with a clipboard stands beside the entrance.

Bet we have to ask him to enter.

Let’s do this!

“Good day, sir.”, I call to him and wave friendly. “We would like to enter to get to our friend Token. Can we please enter?”

The guard just gives me a sideways look.

“This is a gated community, sir. We do not allow in the riffraff. Move along sir.”

Since I look like Link, I’m not pissed that the security guard can’t see I’m a girl, but I take offense in calling us riffraff!

“Sir, we assure you we aren’t-“

I can’t even finish my sentence as this motherfucker takes out a pepper spray and gives me a full dose of it!

For the first time in my life, I’m glad I need glasses, so my eyes don’t get attacked that easily, still it freacking burns and hurts and I throw up in the snow!

“If you try again, I will pepper spray you back to the Stone Age.”

“N.K.!”, yells Leo and helps me up.

He leads me away from the security guard. We wash my eyes out with some water bottles we have on us.

“This shit-eating, motherfucking, pigheaded, dickless piece of white trash!”, I curse, while Leo pats me on the back to heal me up more. “I will so kick him into the Kuribohs when we next see him.”

“He will just pepper spray you again.”, reminds me, Leo, gently. “We need a way around it.”

“Any ideas?”

Seems like the universe wants to help us since a new post is on Facebook that might have the answer.

Eric Cartman: HAHAHAHA Dude someone just posted a video of you getting pepper sprayed! Hold on I gotta watch that again. AHAHAHAHA it's even better when you know what's coming!

Jimbo Kern: Jimbo's Guns carries a selection of gas masks that render pepper spray totally useless as a self-defense. Come visit.

First, Cartman go hump a stump!

And second, this Jimbo’s Guns is what I need right now!

I chuckle wickedly, imagining my sweet revenge on the security guard. Leo looks at me worried.

“Let’s go, Leo!”, I tell him. “We have a shop to visit!”

Next

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

Ouch..

Bojack frowned rubbing the back of his neck hurt by the hostility , "No, its something I thought of myself..... back when I went to threapy being friends was the only way i could talk to my friends ..... therapist... and my last one was a complete joke. "

"I just thought it might help you open up more If you don't want to be friends, that's fine. , but I still want to help you ...

even though you're being a major dick right now.

Cartmans admission about Butters definitely caught him off guard as he had a shocked look on his face for a few seconds, oddly enough he didn't stay phased by it and actually smiled a bit happy eric was opening up about.. something.. usually he didn't like to do much of the talking. " well.. its not.. so unusual for boys to want to.. um... be into that kind of powerplay but that's not a healthy way to treat your friends. They deserve better than to be treated like your puppet, Eric."

Truth was he was starting to feel this way ,last time they talked eric kept insisting that he should be his father now he was acting cold and aloof.. it was so confusing. bojack figured it had to be the trauma from that robbery.. he wished he would talk to him about it, that was what these sessions were for.

"Its your home life is't it? Thats why you want to have power over people even friend, you have a deep seeted root of fear and you lash out at others just to feel something.. to feel safe.. you don't care who you hurt as long as you get something out of it."

you should be good to your friends, eric , you never know when they might abandon you because they get sick of your shit and you're left alone. . with a child that acts like your the best thing in the world only to act like a major dick and not give any explanation... " He started trailing off eyes widening as he said too much.

"I'm sorry.. " He sighed embarrased about the outburst ," I'm not being fair you obvipously suffered something traumatic and im being a dick.. I'm the adult you're just a kid you don't deserve my bullshit." I'm sure this home invasion was very traumatic for you. " He kneeled down by the couch ," .. do you want to talk about it? If you don't you can sit on that couch.. and say nothing for the next half hour , or you can let whatever is really bothering you off your chest .. and if you don't want to be here , just go wait in the waiting room.. i'll tell your mom to pick you up and you can come back next week or send your mom to pick up your meds and come back in two weeks.. . whatever makes you happy ... " He was eyeing him a bit more closely the way he kept his sleeves poestioned, lack of eye contact, not bothering to face him at all. something really shitty happened during that robbery and bojack felt like a dick for convincing Liane to leave eric alone for a few hours. "I'm sorry.. I just wanted to help.. seeing your mom.. you know.. it seemed like a good idea but I guess i don't have any.. it was only a matter of time before i fucked up with you." "You can go home, Eric. I'll call your mother we can talk some other time, whenver your ready.. but you should know, you're a very smart boy and you're strong strong enough to get through this.. In fact to help out I'm going to give your mom a check to buy the best home security ever , that way you wont have to live in fear of anymore weirdos getting int your house." He had a strong feeling it was more than a robbery. "You're not a bad kid , Eric, I want you to know that you're not a bad kid."

Eric's been dreading this day for multiple reasons. Not only were the memories with Scott tormenting him, but the nightmares of him and Bojack were affecting him just as deeply and he wasn't sure what to expect from this encounter. Bojack has never done anything to make him feel that way, but something deep inside him was afraid anyway. Something he didn't quite understand. The fact that he was on crutches didn't help. What if he uses it to his advantage??

Eric shudders and tries to shake away the thoughts as he makes his way to the receptionist for his appointment. After signing in, he's told to just wait in his office, since Bojack had stepped out for a moment. With a reluctant sigh, he does just that, going in and sitting down on the lounge sofa that he usually lays back on.

"So weak..." As uncomfortable as he was with Scott's texts about Bojack, he still found himself wanting Bojack in his life. He knew it was his job to care, but he wanted to believe it so badly. Eric zips up his sweater all the way and fidgets with the strings of his hoodie. As the door clicks open, Eric flinches and squeezes his eyes shut instinctively.

Everything is fine. Everything is normal.

@bojackhorsemanobviously

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

[ Eric ]

This is fucking WEAK, dude. These stupid fucking shake things are supposed to make you less hungry and shit, right?? I’ve sucked down three of these and I’m still fucking starving.

[pastel-c4rtmansz]

hi!!! can i request cartman x jewish reader? maybe she introduces him to her faith and he learns to be nicer?

thats a cool theme! here u go 🤍💕 -mod tweek

premise: you are kyle's cousin who's moved in to live with his family ⌒☆

"Cartman, just please please promise me you won't make fun of her. I swear she's really cool once you get to know her. I'll give you 20 bucks if you dont bother her for this whole week at least while she's just getting settled in. That means no Jew jokes around her. Not even if it's about me." Kyle pleaded while getting himself seated in class. "Yeah yeah whatever. I just need the 20 bucks. After this week though, don't expect me to be nice." Cartman said dismissively. "Fine."

Mr. Garrison clapped, getting the class's attention, "Alright class, settle down. Today is a very important day. We have a new student with us today. I expect you all to be on your best behavior. especially you Eric" Cartman rolled his eyes. "Everyone please welcome Y/N"

Y/N walked through the door, her head slightly turned down while she played with her fingers.

Cartman's eyes widened. "Woah.. she's hot.." Kenny said muffled through his orange parka. Cartman slightly nodded. "Dude, that's my cousin. watch it." Kyle turned back towards the two.

"Don't just stand there like a whore in church, tell us a bit about yourself." Mr. Garrison nudged Y/N. "Uhm.. well I'm from (your hometown/city/state), I'm Jewish, Kyle is my cousin actually haha, and i actually love kfc.. I don't know.. anything else I think that's it." "Well alright Y/N, why don't you go sit next to Eric over there. Eric raise your hand." Cartman didn't move. "ERIC GOD DAMMIT RAISE YOUR HAND" "fine, sorry" Cartman shot his hand up. Y/N sat next to Cartman and threw her bag on the floor next to her. Kyle eyed Cartman making sure he wasn't pulling anything stupid.

After around an hour of Mr. Garrison explaining his love life, he finally spoke about something school related, "Anyways moving on from my Tinder hookups, I actually assigned you guys a project. It's gonna be about the book Twilight. listen I know Principal Victoria doesn't think it's school appropriate but I think it's a beautiful love story. For the project you'll have to do a slideshow on whether you're team Edward or team Jacob. This is an individual project so you'll be doing it by yourself, except for Y/N. Y/N since you haven't had enough time to read the book you can work with Eric. I'm sure he'll help you just fine. Get to work guys."

Kyle side-eyed Cartman as another warning. Cartman just stared back innocently.

"So, uh, Y/N who should I choose to side with?" Cartman turned towards her. Y/N shrugged, "Bro I don't know you're the one who read it, not me." "Okay, first of all don't be a bitch. Second.. I guess I'll go with Edward" Y/N took out her phone to check the time, "Sounds good to me.. when's lunch by the way?" "At like 11:30. why?" "I'm hungry. I think my aunt packed me kfc for my first day." Kyle who was eavesdropping responded, "Yeah she did. She packed some for me too. You made a mistake of telling this fatass that though" "AYE DON'T CALL ME FAT YOU STUPID JE- you stupid idiot." Cartman caught himself. '20 bucks 20 bucks 20 bucks' He kept repeating to himself in his head. "Yeah, that's what I thought." Kyle gave him a sly smirk. Y/N cleared her throat shifting in her seat, "Uh anyways, i-if you want I guess I can do some research on Edward for the project to help you. I feel kinda shitty making you do all the work-" "Don't feel bad whenever me and him are paired up he makes me do all the fucking work because he's an annoying shit." Kyle cut her off. "MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS KAHL." Cartman retorted. Y/N turned back to Cartman "..Anyways if you wanna come over later to work on this I'm sure my aunt won't mind. She'd be happy I'm making friends." "What! I don't want him coming over Y/N please-" "Shut up Kahl. Sure I'll come over Y/N! It'd be my pleasure" Cartman said in a disgustingly sweet voice giving Kyle the same sly smirk he got from him earlier. Kyle stared daggers into him.

Time skip to lunch

"Dude, he's just hanging out with her for a project. It's not like they're dating." Stan comforted Kyle. "Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine," Kenny patted his back. "Whatever, I just don't want him near her. He's a horrible influence and a horrible person. Y/N's a good person, I don't want her being corrupted by him. Plus, once this week is over he's just gonna resort to bullying her."

Cartman sat at the table, followed by Y/N. Kyle rolled his eyes looking over at Stan who just gave a sympathetic look. "So uh how is your day going so far Y/N?" Stan broke the tense atmosphere. "It's going pretty well. Everyone's really nice. I'm hanging out with Wendy tomorrow, she's your girlfriend right Stan?" Y/N smiled. "Oh, yeah she is. She's really sweet, you guys will be great friends." Stan smiled back.

Y/N took the kfc out of her bag. As expected, Cartman's mouth watered at the sight. Taking notice to him eyeing her piece of chicken Y/N spoke, "Do you want a piece? You can just ask, you know. We're basically friends." She giggled. A light shade of pink dusted Cartman's cheeks, barely noticeable to everyone except.. Kyle.. His cheeks grew red too, not from good feelings though. An explosive anger grew inside of him. Stan began to ask, "Uh dude are you okay-" "WHAT THE FUCK FATASS!" Kyle yelled. The cafeteria went silent except for Kenny's giggles. "THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR KAHL?" "I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW." Kyle forcefully pulled Cartman into the hallway.

"What do you want!?" Cartman half yelled. "DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MY FUCKING COUSIN?"

"Kahl I-"

"ANSWER ME YOU FAT FUCK."

"WHY DOES IT MATTER?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A NO GOOD ASSHOLE. YOU'LL RUIN HER. REMEMBER HEIDI?"

"DUDE I'VE CHANGED."

"Yeah fucking right. Stay away from her or I'll kick your ass in front of everyone."

Kyle stormed off back into the cafeteria, slowly followed by Cartman.

Y/N stared quizzically at Stan who just shrugged back at her.

"Uh.. anyways are you still coming over after school?" Y/N asked Cartman. Kyle banged his head on the table letting out a loud groan. "Yes, yes I am Y/N."

Time skip after school

"Sorry if my room's a bit messy, I haven't really had time to unpack all my stuff yet" Y/N sat on her bed. "No, it's fine." Cartman smiled looking around. "So.. uhm before we get started, can I ask you something?" Y/N said fidgeting with the fabric of her comforter. "Yeah, fine."

"Why do you and Kyle hate each other so much?"

"..Well.. it's been happening since we're like 4. It's not that big of a deal."

"Then why'd he get so mad at you earlier? I've never seen him like that before."

With a slightly visible blush on his cheeks, Cartman sat next to her on the bed.

"It's.. it's because he doesn't want us dating. Fucking stupid, right? Like I just met you" Cartman dodged the fact that he liked her despite just meeting her that day.

"Why? I mean you seem sweet enough.. Also.. I don't think it's stupid to like someone you just met. Sometimes when you know you just know. you know?" Y/N finally met his eyes.

"Yeah.. yeah I do know." His voice lowered.

They unintentionally inched closer together. Soon enough, without even having time to think about it, their lips met. They stayed like that for a little. Just kissing each other like nothing else mattered.. that was until Kyle opened her door, "Y/N my mom asked if you wanted- HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME CARTMAN?!" "UH OH" Cartman shot up from her bed. "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS FATASS"

"NOT A CHANCE JEW" Cartman ran past him.

Long story short, Cartman got beat up. Despite Kyle's pleas though, Y/N and Cartman started a romantic relationship.

[falloutjay]

Stan x anxious/compassionate reader (kind of has a little canon divergence)

After giving up on Wendy (around Season 12), Stan and us start dating, we were always worried about him (no we weren't dating him out of pity, we were just a very anxious person). Some people find of clingy, others find us adorable but We've never left his side:

Ex: We were by his side helping with whales (Whale W)

We were the only one who didn't leave him when he got depression (You're Getting Old/Ass Burgers)

Next to Heidi, we became social pariah because we didn't want to dump Stan (this even made Wendy guilty)

But him moving, really gets to us, the coronavirus makes it worse. We get worried about him, then we start getting worried about everyone else as everything falls apart (Kyle, Kenny, Eric, Butters, Tweek, Craig, Scott, etc.) And we pass out of stress. About waking up in the hospital, we find out, everyone was worried about us. And Stan is the most worried of all, he spends the whole day with us. We tal-no vent about all the happened to the both of us. By the end of it, we agree that whatever happens we'll do it together.

Guess whos back! :D

Well, while it's not my best work, in my humble opinion, I sure hope you enjoy and like it. Again sorry for the delay! ಥ_ಥ

And if it's not that clear, because I know I can write a little cryptic, there is a time skip. You can either have all the show events happen when they are children and have the time skip between Covid and the memories or between you getting together as kids and the memories. Choose however you like! ^^

_________________________________________

Stan x anxious!compassionate!Reader

Tiny eyes watched the scene unfold.

Normally, Wendy was the one to break up with Stan, but not this time around. Stan was actually telling Wendy that he had no interest in her anymore.

“What changed Stan?��� Wendy asked, obviously confused.

“I think I like someone else… I don’t know yet…”

Wendy gave him a smile.

“I wish you all the luck Stan, say if you need anything!”

“I will.” And with that, Wendy took off to be with her friends, while Stan turned a corner and told Kyle and Kenny how it went.

Cartman was there too, but he only wanted to know if she cried, because “she would deserve it.”.

You closed your locker and felt your heartbeat like crazy. Ever since you changed school a few months ago, Stan captured your little ten-year-old mind.

He was kind and showed you around when you had no idea where to go. It was a little crush you developed, and you never felt as scared and excited as now, since that Stan had broken off with Wendy.

This newfound feeling almost made you dizzy but you quickly snapped back into reality when you heard your name.

“Y/N?” Stan asked and waited patiently for his answer next to you.

“Oh, sorry, I was thinking, what did you want?”

“Would you maybe like to hang out some time?”

Stan almost got a heart attack when you suddenly squealed but was happy when you managed to get a high-pitched “YES!” out.

“Okay, what are you betting Kenny? Some Pennies or a dead rat?” Cartman almost fell from his chair laughing about his shitty joke, while Kyle and Kenny rolled their eyes.

“Don’t you think it’s weird how clingy they are?” Kyle asked his blonde friend, while they kept watching you and Stan, who were seated at a separate table at lunch.

“Honestly, I think it’s pretty cute.” Kenny said with his muffled voice.

You held his arm and hugged him from the side, while he happy kept on eating his lunch.

Eric, who had now calmed down from his laugh attack eyed the couple critically. “I’m giving them a month max.”

He said lazily and looked around. “I say longer than a year.” Kenny said, throwing a crinkled five-dollar note on the table.

“You two are horrible.” Kyle shook his head before he threw 10 dollars on the table.

“Four months.”

Kenny was a happy man after a year, because despite everyone believing you two would eventually break up, you never did.

You were always by his side, no matter what.

His desire to desperately save whales with the help of a braindead ship crew?

You were always right by his in the interviews he gave.

His horrible depression that even drove Kyle away? No chance, you stood strong and helped him through the whole thing and even help reuniting the gang.

Even during the protest against Skanthunt42, you chose to sit this one out, despite you absolutely hating that the troll photoshopped a dick into your mother’s mouth.

At least you and Heidi got close due to you guys both becoming social outcasts. When Wendy heard this, she was impressed by your dedication and felt somewhat guilty for obviously not trying as much in her former relationship.

Everyone admired your patience and endurance. No matter what obstacle came, you managed to get through it.

“You don’t need to be sad, Y/N. I won't be that far away.” Stan said, holding your hand.

“B-But it's outside of town. You need ages by bike to get there and vice versa.” You said, holding back tears.

Randy walked past you and you desperately pleaded to him.

“Please Mister Marsh, please stay in town!” Randy put the box he carried into the car, before turning to you.

“Real sorry, dear Y/N. This town is…How do I put it… Absolute shit and I really want to get away.”

He patted you on the head and went back into the house to get more boxes.

“Told you, you cant talk to him.” Stan said and shrugged.

“But it’s unfair. We won’t see each other as much anymore.” Stan pressed a kiss onto your cheek, which made you blush intensely.

“Don’t. Worry. I will make time for you.”

With that in mind, you didn’t feel as sad, when the car with the Marsh Family in it left for their new home.

“I will make time for you, my ass.” You mumbled while you sat at a bench near Starks Pond. Letting out a deep sigh, you leaned back and just enjoyed the warmth of the setting sun.

Covid was one hell of a bitch and just had to have this big impact on everyone’s life. Stan and you now saw each other less and less.

It was just a horrible feeling that tainted your heart and made you worry a lot.

Maybe he was feeling just as bad as you are, maybe even more?

Maybe he just didn’t want to tell you how he felt?

Were you maybe a bad partner? Your mind began racing and your train of thoughts became unrailed.

So many bad thoughts manifested themselves and it made you almost gasp for air.

“I need to check on him.” You mumbled getting up from the park bench.

You began walking and you kind of hoped that maybe just the walking would get your mind in check, but sadly it didn’t. Involuntarily you had to think about all the other stuff that happened during this horrible time.

The precious Broship was more fragile than ever. You had become such good friends with Kenny, Kyle and Cartman over time that it hurt you a lot too.

You also saw Covid take a toll on your other friends, like Craig and his group, who now took Cartman into their gang after the split up.

However, that came to be…

The girls were also pretty divided, so hanging out with them meant picking sides which wasn’t your thing, you kinda just want them to get along again.

Everything felt like it was falling apart. Your parents had fights ever so often, all your friends had problems and your beloved boyfriend was stuck on that stupid farm.

God how you hated that stupid farm and Randy.

When he gave you one of those plushies that looked like him, you functioned it into a voodoo doll. But sadly, it didn’t seem to affect him, no matter how many needles you rammed into it.

Your heart felt heavy, and it seemed hard to breathe, but you brushed it aside.

You had already reached the busy streets of South Park and mingled between the newly vaccinated people.

Everywhere you looked, the people seemed happy.

Everyone was happy except you and the people around you… Maybe…You were the problem?

You shook your head. No, you didn’t allow those kinds of thoughts.

You much rather think about Stan. How you miss him and how amazing your dates were.

Oh, how much effort he put into all the small things… Well… At least he did.

Now that you thought about it when was your last date?

It feels like it had been ages. It has been ages. Everything had been ages. Going out with him, hanging out with your friends, your family not fighting… How long has this been the new normal? You can’t help but wonder.

Your heart clenched again. “Stop it, stupid heart.” You mumbled under your breath.

An exhausted sigh escaped your lips when you thought about how you maybe had to walk all the way up to the farm… It would take ages, but you really craved being held by the person you adored so much.

So, you continued walking down through the street when an elder lady stopped you.

“Excuse me, but you look rather sickly, are you alright?” Confused you raised an eyebrow. Did the vaccines make them delusional?

“No, I’m fine.” You answered, somewhat snippy, even when you didn’t know why you were so agitated.

“But you look rather pale, maybe you- I am fine.” You interrupted her and continued your path.

Were all people in this shitty town stupid or- The thought could not be completed, due to you suddenly losing consciousness.

When you woke up again, you immediately recognized one of the Hells Pass Hospital rooms, once your eyes had adjusted to the bright lights. Around the bed were your parents and more importantly Stan and his mother.

“Thank God, you’re awake again!” Your mother said when she went for a hug.

Confused you asked why you were here.

“Well, seemingly you were so stressed out, that your body basically shut down.”

Somewhat shocked you looked around. Was it really a surprise to hear that? Not really, but it still felt odd knowing that it happened.

“Well, I’m glad you’re fine, Y/N.” Misses Marsh commented and smiled warmly at you. She had always liked you and you felt the same. She was always nice to you and you felt like she was the only one with a brain in the family…

Feeling a sudden sensation of warmness on your hand, your eyes darted down to it. Stan held you hand while answering something your dad had asked him.

“Well, Sharon, you wanna accompany us to get some hot chocolate for us all?”

Your mother said with an odd wink, which made you and Stan roll your eyes.

The three adults left the room chatting happily. Stan looked at you with a stern expression, which kind of surprised you.

“I swear, whenever I think I couldn’t get more worried about you, your parents call me, to tell me that you’re in the hospital.”

“Worried? About me? I should be worried about you?” You laughed to which Stan shook his head.

“Listen, everyone has been super worried about you since you seemed so down and just exhausted. Like, Kyle already called me earlier to ask if you’re awake again. I don’t know why you worry about me; I am really fine babe. Promise.”

With that said, the door opened, and your parents came back inside.

“Y/N, the doctor said they would like you to stay the night, so they can check that you’re really alright.” Your father informed you and you were immediately annoyed.

Well, you had no choice but to oblige. Your parents left after an hour, wanting to get you some clothes and other things you’d need.

Sharon also bids her goodbye and so you and Stan were left.

And just like you wished, you got to cuddle with him. He held you close, and you vented to him, how worried you were about everything and everyone, while he told you just how worried all of your friends had been since you were acting so out of character.

“Even Cartman?”

“Yup, even when he would never admit it.” Stan laughed. He held your hand tight, and his content smile never left his face.

“I think we should talk more about feelings and being worried and all that. I know I’m not all that good at it, but I don’t ever wanna have to visit you in a hospital again.” Stan said, giving your hand a squeeze.

“That sounds good. But you gotta accept, I worry a lot, because I care a lot about you, okay?” You said sternly and Stan nodded. You two looked fondly at each other and just enjoyed the time you got.

“Together forever?” You asked and he whispered “Forever.”, before he pressed a sweet kiss onto your lips.

[totallyexhausted]

If I Become My Demons...

           Dried blood soaked against his cuff as Kenny glanced down at his wrist, flicking the butt of his cigarette on the ground as he leaned against the school. This was a joke. Everything was a fucking joke. The blood lined against the creases on his wrists, reminding him that even death was a fucking joke as he cut against flesh he wished he didn’t have. Hell, he wished he didn’t have a lot of things… not that he had much. But his sister had caught him. She’d been there the first time, and last night… last night she’d caught him again. She’d caught him breaking a promise he’d made years ago. But it was so damn hard. Especially after Kevin.

           The 17-year-old groaned as he slammed his head against the wall behind him, letting his sleeve fall over his hands as he tightened the string around his hood, covering his mouth with the old fabric. He swallowed, nausea setting in his stomach as the pills he’d swallowed this morning mixed with whatever shit he could find to eat in the pantry. It was bare. Everything was. His mom hadn’t been to the store in a few weeks, and his dad only cared about himself.

           Kenny sighed again, reaching in his pocket and pulling an old joint from his jacket. His hands shaking as he cupped them against the stolen weed, flicking the lighter several times before a flame appeared. This was bullshit. The school was bullshit. The whole town was bullshit. Life. But he’d promised his sister after his brother died. He promised Karen he wouldn’t leave her. He’d promised her a lot of things. But things… things were hard. And she never really saw what he went through. No one did.

           The teenager closed his eyes, leaning against the yellow brick as cars started filling the parking lot. School would start soon. His friends would be here soon. And life would begin, again. Over and over and over. Fucking typical. Fucking exhausting.

           Kenny breathed in deeply, begging the musty joint to give him enough high to make it through the day; hoping it’d give him enough high. It had to. Because he had nothing else left. His stomach growled loudly, and Kenny grimaced, pressing a gloved hand against his hood as nausea ate away at the half stale Pop-tart he’d found in the back of the cabinet. It was cherry. One of the worst flavors in his opinion, but it was all he could find after letting his sister have the last bowl of cereal and water. At least she had eaten… honestly, that’s all that really mattered.

           The 17-year-old opened his eyes, coughing slightly as he flicked the rest of the joint on the ground, flipping off Mr. Mackey as the counselor glared in his direction, getting out of his car. It was forbidden to smoke on school grounds. Like the teenager gave a shit. He was the troubled poor kid after all, so it wasn’t like anything else was expected from him. Truth is, most students, including his own friends, would probably shit their pants if they knew he was number one in their class. He was poor, quiet, a bad influence, a rule breaker… he wasn’t supposed to be smart. He was supposed to be, according to Cartman, dumb as dirt. Because that’s how trash went. That’s how trash was viewed. That’s what trash was.

           A small smile broke out on his face as Kenny glanced towards the parking lot again, seeing Butters pull into the space next to the counselor. Ever since middle school, the sweet blonde kid had grown out of his awkward shy nature. He’d stopped being pushed over especially by Eric Cartman after a fight between the two that resulted in suspension for both. After that, Butters had changed. He was still kind and quiet, but he became cool and popular. He got a motorcycle when half the class got cars; he cut his shaggy hair, so it was short on the sides; and rumors were, he had a tattoo. But those were just rumors. And despite that, Kenny and the rest of South Park knew that the shy pushover who peed on stage once during a talent show, wasn’t the same little kid cowering under authority. Even Cartman was weary of him after Butter’s kicked his ass in front of the whole middle school class.

           Butters cut the engine, pulling his helmet from his head as he glanced in Kenny’s direction, nodding slightly. Kenny grinned, nodding back before directing his attention elsewhere. Stan pulled in, Kyle and Cartman in the backseat of his red 1999 shit box. Kenny pushed away from the wall, snorting as he made his way towards his friends.

           On Stan’s 16th, the teenager got his sister’s old car; a four wheeled piece of metal that died more than it started and as Cartman liked to say, “Made Stan look like he was driving around an old vagina.”

           But out of all of them, Stan was the only one who received a car. Even Cartman’s mom lectured about the safety and responsibility of vehicles, promising her son a car once he graduated high school later this year.

           “Hey, Kenny,” Stan said, shutting his door as Kyle threw his backpack at him. The teenager nodded, mumbling something behind his hood that sounded like, “Moffppftorning, Asspppfmmts.”

           “Goddamn, Stan, next time you pick me up in this, at least stop driving like your sister,” Cartman said as he slammed Stan’s door, taking a sip from his black coffee. Kenny rolled his eyes, shoving his hands in his pocket. They did this every morning.

           Ever since the summer before junior year last year, Cartman had lost weight and grown several feet, now sitting at the second tallest kid in their senior class. He stopped wearing his hat too, letting his brown messy hair become more of a signature than his ugly blue and yellow hat, even though he still wore a stupid red jacket. And despite still being an immature dick, his attitude had mellowed down some, which probably had something to do with the fact that he’d dated several girls last year, and he’d become slightly popular with the cheerleading squad- which was un-fucking-believable, honestly.  

           Stan and Kyle on the other hand were mostly the same. Kyle still stuck around even after Cartman’s relentless jokes and teasing. He still questioned everything and refused to bend to anyone’s will. He too had ditched his hat, cutting his hair down enough to run gel through it daily in hopes of keeping his curls down, but by the end of the day, it was still a messy afro. Him and Stan were pretty much the same height and built. And Stan and Wendy were still off and on monthly, and despite everything they’d been through, Kenny was pretty sure those two would end up married. And ever since Stan’s dad came out as the pop icon, Lorde, the teenager became widely popular in school and South Park.

           The bell rang behind them, sending shivers down the 17-year-old’s spine as he sighed. He mumbled something to himself as he followed his friends towards the door, wishing he’d just skipped, or at least stolen better weed from his father before leaving this morning. Not like the smell of stale alcohol, cigarettes and weed lingering on his clothes wasn’t enough to get high off. He glanced down at the blood still etched against the orange fabric, the rusty razorblade cutting into the scars on his stomach as it laid in his hoodie pocket. His sister had caught him… but that didn’t mean he’d stop. He just had to wait until she wasn’t around...

[ruthlessminddribble]

Chaos Drawn to Madness- Ch 1

Butter’s POV:

Mysterion had become a bigger pain as of late. He had always shown himself at just the right moment, causing all of his planning to be for not. This time Chaos would be damned if allowed. He surveyed his fallen men, none of which had been wounded to bad. Strange it was when Mysterion allowed them off with only a few scraps. His way of giving warnings, as Chaos learned over the years. "General Disarray." Professor Chaos called out. If he was correct, this warning meant that Mysterion was suspicious without really knowing what was happening.

"Yes sir." Chaos caught sight of the young redhead limping over. He gave the boy a once over, covered in dirt and bruises starting to form on his skin.

"Did he find the drive?"

"No sir."

Good, it was just as he thought. Mysterion sent the warning as just that. His plan still remained in the dark; which meant they weren't out yet. "Get the men cleaned up." With a nod of acknowledgment from Disarray, he left the scene eager to put his plan to work.

Kenny's POV:

The next morning Kenny watched as Butters yawned at his desk for the 11th time. Don't get him wrong, it was the cutest thing he had ever seen and he could have watched the butterball yawn all day, but worry lingered in his chest. He was sure his warning would have been enough to put a stop to whatever evil the small blond was up to. The continued yawns were proof otherwise. "Long night buttercup?" Butter's flashed him a big smile, like he often did when he didn't want others to pry. So Kenny prepared himself for the small lie to follow.

"I got stuck on some homework." he gave a small chuckle.

Kenny watched as he unpacked his bag. Patiently he waited, expecting him to gush about last night's escapades with Mysterion and Professor Chaos. For a kid with an evil side, he sure was amazing outside the mask. Always making those around him smile and feel better. What Stan and the guys did to him during the time he was stuck in the afterlife must have really set something off in him. Even so, compared to most "villains" he ran into Butters never really got down right mad at him for stopping his plans. Often ending the battle with his usual "Aw hamburgers" before picking himself and his partner up off the ground and moving on to the next plan. Which was always less harmful than the one he would stop. Kenny often wondered what would happen if he ever told Butters that he was the one fighting him all this time.

When the bell signaling the start of the first period without a single praise from Butters about the fight made Kenny's nerves spike. He silently reminded himself that it was only the first class of the day but to keep an eye on the cute blond beside him, just in case.

Butter's POV:

Tired didn't even cover how he felt. The little sleep he did manage was spent tossing and turning. The rest was spent fine tuning his grand scheme. It was times like these that Butters missed elementary school. Not only was the work easier to understand, but the juggling of school and Chaos seemed like a piece of cake. He often thought about hanging up his villain cap and helmet and living a simple life as just Butters Stotch. But, South Park always gave him reason to keep going. Which meant that over the years, as Butters grew, so had Chaos. Deciding to keep to his strengths, hacking, allowing a more behind the scenes way to bring about the Chaos he so enjoyed. Butters was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice the locker door till he ran into face first. "Thanks Butters." Token gave a smile before walking away, arms full of books. Butters waved before letting out a groan and rubbing his forehead.

"Butters?" The small blond turned to the silvery voice. Kenny was standing in its place, worry painted across his face. "You ok? That looked like it hurt?" 

He let out a small chuckle. "Sorry. I guess I spaced out there for a moment." He watched his boyfriend's face shift into something he could read. "I'm really okay Ken. Promise." He gave him a big smile for assurance.

His face seemed to relax a bit. " Alright. Just let me know if you need anything." He gave a toothy grin back. Butters returned it with an eager nod as the bell sounded, making both boys run off to class.

Kenny's POV: 

Kenny sat at the picnic style lunch table, picking at some chipping paint. Butters had yet to show up and Kenny had tuned out Kyle and Stan who were chatting about the latest Terrance and Phillip show that aired. The noise around him had come to blend together into one giant white noise as he waited on the boy who was driving him nuts all day. The day was almost over and Butters had said nothing about the beating Mysterion gave Professor Chaos men the night before. Whatever he was planning, it was clear Butters didn't want him to know, which meant that he was powerless to stop him as Kenny or Mysterion at this point. It was Cartman's loud voice announcing Butters arrival that jarred Kenny from his inner thoughts. Kenny gave a bright smile as the small blond took a seat next to him. " How's the forehead?" He questioned. He watched Butters hand give a light touch to the spot he was hit earlier. 

"Doesn't hurt anymore. So, I guess that's good." Butters' smile lit a flame in Kenny's panicked heart. For now Butters was his normal sweet self and he couldn't have been happier about that fact. 

"So," Kenny turned his attention to the fat asshole sitting across the table. "So, Butters." Cartman tried to cover a laugh, which came out as a snort. "What's for lunch?" Kenny raised an eyebrow at the fat fuck. Before Butters could open his brown bag, he had already slid it over and was inspecting the contents inside. One normal ham and cheese sandwich, untampered with a bag of gushers, and one clean bag of chips to which he helped himself to. He slowly slid the contents back to Butters, confused. It wasn't until the sound of someone spitting their drink out that Kenny had caught on to the prank. But, it was too late. Butters had already had the foul liquid in his mouth. Kenny was up in a flash, diving across the table at a laughing Eric, the sound of his fist meeting Cartman's cheek echoed off the walls as the room around them went silent. Kenny turned to face Butters as soon as he was sure Cartman wasn't getting up. The poor blond was shaking, eyes wide. Grabbing the bottle of water left at his seat, he handed it to Butters and watched him down the new liquid as he rubbed his back and tried to assure him things were going to be okay.

Butter's POV:

The spray of liquid glistened under the florescent lights of the cafeteria. Butters watched, face pale, as the unknown contents fell to the table top. Lemonade wasn't supposed to be salty. Butters had no clue what he just poured into his mouth and he didn't want to. When the world around him came to, his Kenny was handing him a bottle of water. Taking a sip he gargled the clean water before spitting it out on the ground, not really caring about the fact he was inside. All he wanted was for the taste of whatever it was to be gone from his tongue. Once he was sure it was no longer there, he slowly started to down the rest as Kenny rubbed soothing circles on his back. As he finished the last remaining gulp, the teacher had finally decided to show up. Seemingly not being able to decide who was at fault for what, or what had just taken place, she ushered both Cartman and Kenny away to the office. This left Butters fuming, he didn't know what Cartman just pulled but it wasn't fair that Kenny was going to get dragged down with him. Butters decided he had had enough of that Fatass and his bullying. As the rest of the students went back to their lunches, Butter silently packed his things and left, missing the final two classes of the day.

Kenny’s POV:

Kenny sat in the plastic chair beside Cartman, who was now showing signs of his fist meeting his cheek. The two boys sat quietly as Mr. Macky stared at them silently. Kenny shifted in the chair to keep his butt from falling asleep. He couldn’t have cared less about being punished and wished Macky would just move this along. No, his mind was on Butters, who at this time could be anywhere. Beside him Cartman cleared his throat, “Well Mr. Macky, if there is nothing else, I suppose we should be going.” Eric stood from his chair and glanced at Kenny. “Shall we Kenny?” As Kenny moved to follow Cartman out the room Macky’s voice stopped them in their tracks.

“Sit down boys.” Cartman let out a groan as they both went back to their seats. “Boys, you’re both in 7th grade now. Don’t you think you should act like it, mkay?” Both boys looked at each other and shrugged. Macky let out a frustrated sigh. “ Alright, I’m giving you both three days suspention starting tomorrow. Mkay.” 

“Aw Weak.” Cartman crossed his arms and gave a pout.

When the boys left Macky’s office it was time for the final class of the day. Kenny ran past Cartman, who voiced his unneeded complaints, and headed straight for Butters classroom. He had hoped to catch the boy as he was exiting, but instead ended up bumping right into Kyle. Looking behind him Kenny noticed the classroom empty. “Butters left?” he asked Kyle between breaths. 

“Butters? I haven’t seen him since lunch.” Kyle replied. Kenny pulled his phone from his pocket as Kyle walked around him. Pulling up Butters number, he was about to hit the call button when the bell sounded. Reluctantly, he typed out a quick message and hit send as he ran to his final class. God did he hope Butters was okay.

Chapter 2

[south-park-x-reader-blog]

Can I request a Cartman x Reader bodyswap where the reader desperately wants their body back but Cartman insists on keeping it?

((Thank you https://ahhhhhhsenpai.tumblr.com/ for letting me use your photo! Also thank you anon for the ask!))Today you were feeling a lot warmer than you normally did. It was strange it wasn’t like you slept with much blankets and living in a place as cold as South Park it was definitely a strange thing. Though in your sleepy haze you didn’t seem to mind as you stir awake. Something strange brushes against your hand, it was soft and warm.

“What the hell…?” You mutter but your eyes shoot open. That wasn’t your voice. You quickly sit up and look down at your hands, they were mounds of fat, strangely soft but fat nonetheless. You nearly pass out right then and there. You were in Eric’s room, in his body, in his bed. “Holy shit.” You mutter out in utter shock and quickly glance around. All of your stuff, all of your clothes. You had nothing left. You whine softly debating on breaking into tears or not. The one and only thing that you did know was that you needed to find your body and fast you get changed trying your best to avoid looking a certain… well places as you got changed. You knew eric long enough to know he wouldn’t do the same.You storm your way down the room once you were changed into your normal clothes. Well, actually Eric’s normal clothes. After all you had to try and make it as less obvious as you could. You’ll find your body, get Eric to leave it and get yourself back into your body and everything will be fine. Sure South Park was a strange town but this was beyond ridiculous. Honestly how do the people here not even raise an eyebrow at some of the stuff that happens here. You make your way into the snow and start to run towards your house. Sure you lived only a block away but still walking through the snow in Eric’s body felt like running a marathon. By the time you get there you were covered in sweat and were panting heavily. You hiss in annoyance and ring your own doorbell. You can hear shuffling in your room meaning Eric must be awake now. Of course your parents had to be off to work already. You hiss in annoyance and make your way over to the your room. Luckily you snuck out of your room quite a lot and the ladder you used was still propped up against the window. You head towards the ladder and quickly start to climb up it. You can see in your window that Eric was busy calling someone with your phone. You bang on the window making Eric jump and glance over at you in surprise. He seemed to be in stunned silence for once in his life but he does make his way over opening the window for you. “Ay what the hell!? Why am I in your gross body?!” You yell out. Jesus, you even sounded like Eric. “Hey! My body’s not gross! I’m just big boned!” He yells back crossing your body’s arms across your chest. You sigh and drag your hands down your face as you enter his room.“Fine, whatever, just hurry up and fix this so we can change back.” You say and watch as Eric studies your bodies hand. It was strange to see yourself standing in front of yourself.“Uhhh how about no.” He says with a evil smirk forming on his face. You could feel your gut drop. “Why the hell not!?” You yell back and try to grab onto your body. Eric manages to dodge you and sway to the side. “Wow! This body is so light!” he says doing a twirl to tease you. You glare daggers and try to grab onto him.“Eric! I am not playing your games!” you yell in annoyance and try to grab him to no avail. At this point you were running after your body. Once you get into a full sprint Eric slams himself into the bathroom to keep your body from you. You bang on the door missing your entry by a second.“Eric! I swear to god if you don’t open this door I’ll kill you!” You yell angrily through the door.“I’ll make you a deal Y/N!” He yells back. He had that shit eating ring in his voice that made it clear that you didn’t have a choice in the matter. You take breaths in order to calm yourself. “Fine. Fine what’s this deal.” You hiss out and glare at the door pretending it was Eric’s big dumb stupid face. “I’ll give you your body back if, and only if you go on a date with me.~” He sing songs through the door. You can feel the heat raising in your cheeks. Honestly you were curious to see what Eric looked like with this much red in his cheeks but you had more pressing manners. “Fine.” You hiss back. There was a moment of silence before the door opens and your body seemed rather nervous about doing so. Honestly you wanted to hit Eric across the face but he was still in your body. “So how do we change back?” You ask hesitantly and watch as Eric grins again. He grabs your arm and pulls you into a surprisingly soft kiss. The blush increases as you close your eyes and melt into the kiss. You never thought in your life you’d kiss yourself but here you were. Within seconds you switch back into your body and you can feel how soft Eric’s lips were. You blink in surprise and look down at your hands. You were back in your own body. Then realization hit you. How did Eric know how to switch you guys back?“Eric…” You say in annoyance gripping your fist. Eric backs up seeing your incoming rage.“Y-Yes Y/N?” He asks hesitantly and rubs the back of his neck slowly starting to back up. “How did you know how to switch us back?” You ask anger raising in your voice. Eric pales and laughs a little nervously.“Well… I may or may not have been the one who switched our bodies?” he says and you glare daggers at him. “I’m giving you ten seconds to run.” With in a half second Eric was sprinting out of your house. 

[all-my-friends-were-glorious]

south-park-saints-and-sinners​:

-Josh-

Oh and I’m sure I flayed worse in prison Cartman. I look forward to talking to you.

Stotch

Lunch would be fine, I believe I know where your talking about. I’ll be there at noon.

[ Eric ]

Flayed...? WTF is your problem, bruh???

[ Butters ]

Okay! Thanks, man. I’ll be there with my friend, I’ll talk to whoever’s on shift for hostess duty to make sure we got a good table. Thank you <3

-Josh Myers-

Stotch....Cartman...I would LOVE to have a little CHAT with you two...

Nothing to worry about, just a nice. Peaceful. Chat.

[patronusofthepugs]

Team Coon And Friends

Part Three of South Park Super Hero AU. Or the Quirk AU? Or maybe SP Sky High? God damn, help me name this thing please. Whatever, the kids have powers and they be angsty about it.

Stan Marsh: His power is shape shifting, specifically into animals. In his early years, he usually shape shifts  into animals that would help him avoid situations. Mom wants him to take out the trash? 

 “Checkmate Sharon, I’m a butterfly now. What do you want me to do? To lift those bags with my tiny insect arms? Are you trying to kill me, Mother?” 

“Oh, you want me to present my biology report? Yeah, how about I just turn into a mole and you guys can observe me. Is that science enough for you?”  

He’s  mostly apathetic about his powers and the whole debate about being good or evil. Stan is neither, he’s just super average. Thanks to his dad. 

  Randy has the power to manipulate plants. If he wanted, he could squeeze the life out of a man with vines or quickly make a flower trampoline for jumping survivors out of a burning building. But instead, he just grows a lot of weed. Like A LOT of weed. Any superhero or villain ambitions  was lost to the art of the bong. His mom is marginally better, she has the power to control wind. But just small breezes, enough to be pleasant, comfortable even.  Both of his parents had applied themselves to living in obscurity and Stan figures he’ll follow in their footsteps. 

 After all, he’s a little selfish and honestly he can live with that. Sometimes, in this shitty world, you need to look out for yourself. But then he starts to date Wendy, and her light begins to cast some unforgiving shadows on him. Because she doesn’t hesitate to do the right thing. While Stan? Well, he’s always hesitating, he doesn’t feel strongly about anything. He doesn’t see the point in throwing himself in danger. For what? Some pat on the back, and a couple of cheers? But then he also doesn’t see the point in being evil.

 Unsurprisingly, Wendy breaks up with him in middle school and it isn’t pretty. Some choice words gets thrown out mostly about Stan’s selfishness and wish-washy nature.  Stan tries to summon the anger and self righteous but all he feels is numb. And empty. He enters Hero school with a desire to change. To find something worth fighting for. No matter what, whether it be good or evil.

Kyle Broflovski: He controls lightning. His powers are specifically lightning manipulation that he controls with his hands. It sounds cooler than it actually is. Right, now he can only cause little sparks that barely feels like a zap. And his hair is always fluffy. No matter what. He usually accidentally shocks himself or deliberately tries to zap Cartman. Kyle is lawful good. While he isn’t as serious as Kenny, he’s pretty sure that his path is down the hero route. 

  He wouldn’t mind going the business route either, after all his Dad is a lawyer that  advocates for heroes and helps them navigate the lawsuits around property damage. And his Mom? Well, she’s super cool too! She used to be a big shot villain in the day but has since reformed herself. She runs a support group for all the former villains and henchmen in South Park. It’s mostly an informal book club/gossip session but still she’s doing real good work.

 Kyle is pretty confident as he enters the Hero school. He figures he has his head straight, there’s no second guessing or doubt from him, unlike some of his other peers. Yup, the only thing Kyle has to worry about is the way his face flushes and his heart beats faster every time Stan takes off his shirt to use his powers. But even that, he isn’t too worried about. After all everyone probably realizes their best fried is super hot. It’ll pass. 

But after finding out about his Dad’s double life, Kyle realizes that he has way bigger problems to worry about. He has the chance to be the big hero, to be part of the greats and take down evil but in doing so it will destroy his family. For once, Kyle is torn between his heart and his head. He stands on the precipice between good and evil.

Eric Cartman: His power is his skin is literally rubber. Anything and everything will bounce off of him. He’s also super strong and sturdy. Often times, he’s the muscle of the group, a fact that he won’t ever shut up about. Cartman lives his life barreling forward, heedless of the chaos that he leaves behind him. He doesn’t feel pain so of course he’s going to crash through doors and walls. His Mom eventually installs titanium doors and walls in their house because while she loves her Pookums, she can’t afford the constant repairs. Even though he  hates to admit it, Cartman has something in common with Kyle. He’s sure of his path that he’s going to take.

 He’s a villain all of the way, Baby. Hell yeah, sign him up! Fuck that hippie good doer shit. He knows where the real power lies so of course he’s going to take it. He’s insufferable and smug all through out school, constantly jeering at their teachers and at the hero kids like Wendy. What a bunch of losers. 

But then their team is assigned to their first mission and everything goes tits up. They fuck up. Badly. Kyle is too distracted, Stan panics and is unable to settle onto an animal to change in to and Cartman? Well, he did what he does best. He got super pissed off and charged in.

 He sets off a minefield. He’s fine because he’s Cartman but once the smoke clears, he sees Kyle’s and Stan’s limp bodies. And for the first time, in his life he feels honest to god fear shoot through. It’s ice cold with a bite, it paralyzes him as he could only watch as his best friends in the world bleed out in front of him. 

They shoot a lot of shit with each other and he’s pretty sure they hate each other on most days. But they always come back together, like magnets they’re never apart. He realizes that he actually love these guys, they’re his god damn family and they’re about to fucking die in front of him. 

Kenny and his team end up rescuing them that day. Butters is too shocked at the sight of Eric’s tear stained face to say something dopey. And Wendy is shaken at the sight of Stan’s burnt body.  Kenny is also silent but he also gives Cartman a tight hug, one that makes his heart throb painfully. Fuck. Not this asshole too. 

That night Cartman lays in his race car bed and thinks how close he came to losing something that he didn’t know was precious to him. He also thinks he’s in some deep shit because if he is to continue his villainy path, well that means means being on the battlefield against his friends. And it would break him. But if he was to turn his back on the dark, he’s going to be in even deeper shit. 

  Cartman is an ambitious bastard. He already has evil connections across the city, connections that would slit his throat without hesitation if he thought about betraying them. And he owes a number of them confidential Intel about the school and its defenses. If he doesn’t deliver, Cthulhu is gonna hang him by his balls and fry him in gravy. But if the super villains storm the school, his friends will die. No question about it.  Either way, he’s fucked. God fucking damn it. 

Part One Here       Part Two Here

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Leopold “Butters” Stotch

hi! i think i’ve worked out that i’ve reached the activity limit with my overall replies & discord rp-ing (16 replies overall) but, if not, I’m happy to leave this in your inbox until it’s ready x

out of character info

Name/Alias: Grace Pronouns: She/Her Age: 23 Join Our Discord: Yes – already in x Timezone: GMT Activity: 8 Triggers: N/A Password: Jimmy can fast pass my ass Character that you’re applying for: Leopold “Butters” Stotch Favourite ships for your character: Butters/Kenny, Butters/Eric, Butters/Chemistry

in character info (heavy trigger warning for parental abuse and neglect throughout !!)

Full name: Leopold “Butters” Stotch Birthday: 11th September 2000 Sexuality, gender, pronouns: bisexual, male, he/him  Age and grade: 17, senior.

Appearance: 

Butters is cursed with eternal baby-face: chubby cheeks and big blue eyes. Even his hair is as soft and fluffy as the day he was born, with his parents making sure that he never deviates from his short-back-and-sides style by cutting it themselves every Sunday evening. That’s not the only thing that hasn’t changed; his clothing style is as sweet and standard as his middle school days – boot-cut jeans, comfortable sneakers and the teal fleece his mom bought for his 15th birthday (he’s barely grown, since). Sometimes, Butters will experiment with a graphic-tee, his favourite being his array of Hello Kitty Island Adventure merchandise, or bright coloured polo. 

Butters stands at just under average height and just over average weight, with a cute bit of chub on his belly that he doesn’t think will ever go (he’s banned from visiting the gym after his dad’s bathhouse escapades). One time, his mom threatened to fatten him up so much that he’d never be able to leave, and he’s never been able to budge the extra weight, since. He doesn’t mind, though: he’s as body positive as can be, and thinks that anyone who don’t think he’s handsome ain’t looking hard enough.

Personality: 

Butters is a mess, frankly, though he thinks he’s just an ordinary fella living life as anyone should: by being kind and helping others. He’s dangerously gullible and painstakingly naïve, with a generous soul even after everything he’s been through. He just wants to do right by the world, especially his friends. He has a strong sense of justice, though this can be easily manipulated to the point where he’ll believe that what’s wrong is right and what’s right is wrong. Despite often being misguided, he’ll stick by his guns and stay true to himself when the time comes. He’s got better at standing up for himself as he’s got older, too, and isn’t afraid to put his foot down and say heck no if necessary. Most days, he's very confident in his own skills and self-image, but that can all change with one comment. 

His disrespect for authority is an interesting personality trait. He’ll fudge the police and tell his teachers to go suck a popsicle, but there’s two people he can’t say no to. Butters has been gaslighted his entire life, and the emotional and physical abuse he receives from his parents has led to humiliating and childlike obedience (what 18-year-old accepts being grounded for using twitter after 9pm?). When he’s caught doing wrong by his parents, all his self-confidence and cowboy-like bravado is shot to smithereens: he’s just a no good miscreant who ain’t gonna amount to nothin’, so he may as well give up on his dreams and stick to bein’ a plain ol’ nobody.

History:

Butters was born to Linda and Stephen Stotch on 11th September 2000. Ever since that fateful day, his life has been nothing but chaos and control and, though he wakes up to the sound of his own screams every night, he’s grateful for every opportunity he gets. It would be impossible to write all of his ups and downs in a couple of paragraphs, but there are two things that have really shaped Butters as a person.

One: his family. Stephen Stotch uses fear to control his son whilst his mom, Linda, is dangerously protective. Though seventeen, Butters still calls his dad ‘sir’ to his face and does what he’s told or faces severe consequences. The night that his mom asked him to stalk his father to the bathhouse changed a lot of things; he saw the internalised secrets and lies that have corrupted both of his parents and has watched them wear white-picket-fence masks in public every damn day since. He saw his dad embrace his sexuality yet treat it as a sin. He experienced his mom, breaking down, vulnerable and distressed, ready to kill her own son. Not to mention the time he was sold to Paris Hilton as a pet. Linda and Stephen Stotch are manipulative and controlling parents whose ‘love’ of their son, however much they fret over him and cover him with kisses, will never make up for the trauma instilled in him.

Two: his friends. Scrotie McBoogerballs, AWESOME-O, Good Times with Weapons, Marjorine, Casa Bonita. The list of shenanigans that Butters been apart of, and victim of, is endless. He’s been locked in a fridge, publicly shamed on television and stabbed in the eye with a shuriken, yet he still hangs out with these guys. Why? Because he was never part of the gang in kindergarten, and he’s never really had a true friend, someone who has made the effort to see what he’s been through and respect him regardless. Besides, hanging with these guys (whatever injuries and humiliation they bring to him) has given him a strength he never knew he had. He’s become a pimp, rekindled his confidence to dance, got his wiener out at school, become a best-selling novelist and, best of all, learned to say no to Eric Cartman. Not bad for a good-for-nothin’.

  Sample paragraph: (At least two paragraphs, centred around your character)

For the first time in a long time, Butter’s internal sludge pile of shame and humiliation is joined by anger. He’s so gosh darn mad that he don’t care who knows it, but no-one is gonna know it, ‘cause he got no cell, no internet, and no hope’a gettin’ outta his stupid ol’ room. It’s the same ol’ story: Eric and the fellas convinced him to get a fake ID so they could get some sorta fancy alcohol for Bebe’s party tonight. Kyle said it had to be him, ‘cause he looks the oldest, and he’s the best actor outta all of ‘em. Butters ain’t sure if that’s true, but he appreciated the compliment, and it’s a bad pal that says no to a favour, especially when the entire party rested on his hands.

He got the booze, alright. And he was nice and proud of himself, until Eric said it was the wrong one. Ain’t no one wants to drink this kindergarten crap, Eric said, we’re men now, we gotta drink whiskey. Well, Butters thinks whiskey tastes like butt, and ain’t no one wants to taste butt, ‘cept maybe Kenny. He thought the blue an’ pink bottles looked cute and bubblegum is his favourite flavour, no doubt about it, but maybe he should’a followed the plan and done what he was told. Darn it all.

He was in trouble with the guys, but at least he weren’t in trouble with his mom and dad, and that meant he’d finally be able to go to a real life party, maybe show off his dancin’ skills and eat some cheese and pineapple sticks. But then they found his fake idea when doin’ their routine search’a his room, and all hell broke loose. You ain’t goin’ anwhere today, mister, they said, you’re gonna sit right here on your tushie an’ think about the consequences of identity fraud. I’m goin’ to that party, Buttons said, puttin’ his foot down. Well, that  just about earned a slap around the noggin and a week without his cell, so he couldn’t even tell the fellas he weren’t comin’ tonight.

A knock on his window jolts him outta his angry pacing. He doesn’t want to look up, ‘cause he knows it’s probably Eric, comin’ over just to make fun of his current predicament and boast all about how much fun he’s gonna have tonight. Well Butters weren’t gonna have it, no sir-ee. He puts his hands on his hips and he gets ready to march right over there and give Eric a proper telling to, but then he sees it ain’t Eric, it’s Kenny, an’ he got a proper determined look on his face.

“We’re breaking you out,” Kenny says, an’ Butters ain’t gonna argue this time.

Headcanons: 

Butters still plays Hello Kitty Island Adventures, but he’s also a massive animal crossing fan. Any game that lets him escape his house, have some independence, and talk to (or raise) cute animals can keep him hooked for hours. Unfortunately, his mom and dad turn the internet off at 9pm and keep his phone in their bedroom at night. 

Butters keeps his sexuality a secret from his parents, and it’s no surprise why. After his mom found out about his dad’s trip to the bathhouse (subsequently attempting to murder her son) and after a gruelling (and very confusing) trip to conversion camp, Butters thought it best to hide any ‘abnormal’ feelings. Fortunately, his friends and their often open sexualities has made him feel comfortable and confident with himself, and he’s resoundingly grateful for it.

He is quietly considering his gender and what it means to be Butters. At the moment, he doesn’t think he needs to put a name to it, but it doesn’t hurt to research, and he’s ecstatic to see he isn’t the only one who doesn’t sit on one end of the binary. Though exploring the possibility of being non-binary, he’s happy to be referred to by male pronouns for now.

Butters wants to be a pre-school teacher, even after what happened to Ms. Claridge. He loves drawing and storytelling and wants to share those gifts to others, helping kids who might not be happy at home.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t think his mum will let him go as far as college without having a breakdown or threatening something real bad. Though his parents have started to treat him a little better as he’s got older, their distrust of the world around them, and of their son, has grown rapidly.

Butters works part-time at the ice cream parlour and adds something special to every sale. Most of the time he uses the wafers and chocolate chips to make little teddy bears, but his extra special treat (for people he really likes) is the unicorn uni-cone with lots of sparkles.

Butters is a wonderful artist! He loves using watercolour pencils and paint the best and though his work isn’t always the most profound (it’s usually portraits of his friends or cute animals he sees), it's always beautifully coloured and full of love.  

Anything else: thank u guys 4 the opportunity

[fiddler-unroofed]

27 - what is your take on their dynamic in canon?

Really close to my headcanon one, that's for sure! Cartman loves making Kyle's life hell; Kyle feels obligated to stop whatever bullshit agenda he's got going while secretly getting a little kick from it.

It's also interesting to point out that?? Kyle empathizes more with Cartman than Stan??? When Stan becomes semi depressed after being dumped, Kyle ditches him. When Stan becomes actually depressed after 'growing up', Kyle ditches him for Cartman. Like...

Stan: *goes through period of depression*

Kyle: LMAO... I DONT NEED THAT KIND OF TOXICITY IN MY LIFE....... BYE

Kyle: *goes to hang around Cartman, local Nazi, part time schemer and fulltime asshole*

???? Something ain't adding up here, buddy.

Meanwhile when Cartman is bummed out about something, Kyle gets it. He just... fucking gets it. And while I ship Style (a lot), I dunno if they'd ever be able to overcome these empathetic differences they've got and grow as a couple.

Anyway. Back to Kyman.

Generally I feel like they've got a pretty toxic symbiotic relationship going for them. Cartman needs Kyle so he can torment someone while also staying in line, Kyle needs Cartman so he can exercise his twisted martyr complex on someone.

29 - do you think that canonically, cartman really IS in love w/ kyle, as speculated?

Uhh... define love.

I don't think he wants to cuddle with Kyle on the couch, eating chocolates and smooching under the sunset, but I do think he has some kinda fucked up longing for him. Like a sort of 'he's mine' mentality that he subconsciously (or consciously) projects both onto him and the people around him so they know to fuck off. That projection is also probably why Kyle's the only kid to have never had a real girlfriend agdjhsjs

Idk how to explain it for sure but... yeah.

I definitely think there's something there, but I don't think I'd call it love.

30 - does kyle really care for cartman, or is he just doing “the right thing”, any time he helps/rescues him?

OH BOY.... CONTROVERSY IN AN ALREADY CONTROVERSIAL SIDE OF THE FANDOM....... HNNNGH.....

Okay, so... I'll try to split this out as evenly as I can.

On one hand you've got Kyle The Martyr. Kyle The Brave. Kyle The Only One Willing To Tempt Fate And Stand Up Against Eric Cartman.

And look, Kyle is a good kid, and he is trying to do the right thing-- but I don't think it's just for the sake of doing the right thing. He wants to be held on a pedestal or some shit because of it. He feels guilty over things because he knows he's supposed to, and then he tries to make amends until a better option comes along.

Like in that one episode about TPing someone's house that I don't really remember that well whoops-- Kyle was all "oh no We Must Confess!" up until he found out someone else had taken the blame. And then at the end, instead of just having his conscience cleared by confessing like he claims he wanted all along, he actually rants at Cartman for stealing his spotlight.

Like wow. Real nice morality checks you've got there, kiddo.

You sure confessing was the only thing on your mind??

Anyway what I'm tryna get at with all this is that we could just as easily apply all this to Cartman and say that Kyle hangs around/helps/stops him just so he can get a little kick to his morality's ego. Make him out to be the Good Guy, someone to be congratulated.

Or... we could take the other route, and say he actually cares about Cartman and that's why he hangs around/helps/stops him. Which I can believe, to an extent.

But honestly in the end I think it's somewhere in the middle. Because Kyle needs some way to let himself be hailed as a martyr, and when that way is another person, well-- you kind of end up growing at least somewhat fond of them, no?

31 - how do you think, in canon, kyle and cartman REALLY feel about each other?

Ack, at this point I just feel like I'm repeating myself but: Toxic symbiotic relationship.

"I torment you because it's fun and you give the best reactions while also letting you keep me in line" vs "I keep you in line and stand your tormenting because that makes me a good guy and I really wanna be the good guy."

They're such fucked up little shits, and I hate them so much sgdjsghs