#What's a little angst amongst fam

[syncopatedid]

Thinking tl;dr thoughts about how Link Click clicks with the butterfly leitmotif just as well as the other wuxia donghwa because: 1. The Butterfly Lovers:  One of the great Chinese tragic love stories of its time, centered around the romance of Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai who were soulmates but fate kept tearing them apart, and were only able to finally reunite after death when they are reincarnated as butterflies. Much like its theme of ill-fated soulmates, the pair seemed trapped in an inescapable fate that threatens to keep them apart.

2. The Butterfly Effect: Part of the Chaos Theory, the butterfly effect is the idea that small, seemingly trivial events could ultimately result in something with much bigger, unpredictable consequences. Key word here is unpredictable. This very much is a concept that is reflected in this series, on how Xiaoshi's... and later on, Lu Guang's actions, had resulted in changes in the timeline, with the final revelation being that Lu Guang's one action had led to the future being completely altered, but at what cost to follow?

3. Xiaoshi and Lu Guang as yin/yang butterflies: Butterflies in Chinese culture, for the most part, are good omens, symbolizing "rebirth" and "transformation". However, the conundrum is that for transformation and rebirth to occur, it implies there must be certain "loss" or "death". Most butterfly species also have very short lifespans, which directly mirrors Xiaoshi's life cut short. Far as symbolism goes, I see them as a Yin/Yang dynamic, so Xiaoshi would be a black one (like a Black Swallowtail) to Lu Guang's white (like a Cabbage white), but what gels perfectly in my brain about these two species is that not only do they contrast each other in almost every way (size and flashiness?), a white butterfly is specifically thought to represent the spirits of the dead revisiting their loved ones (see also: 1.) and I am alluded, ironically, to the imagery of Guang being the soul from "another world" returning to the past in search of his lost soulmate, and now existing in an alternative timeline, a world where he actually doesn't belong to... and must eventually let go of. Just something to think about.

[lanafofana]

The Faithwarden & The Archdruid

Day THREEEEEE of HalsinTavWeek is upon us, fam! Pairing: Halsin/Tav(F) Summary: When she is away, Tav wonders if Halsin misses her as much as she misses him. Rating: Explicit. Minors DNI Warnings/Tag: Voyeurism, Mutual Masturbation, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Post Epilogue No Beta We Die Like Yonas (RIP Yonas) And an AO3 link! For all who celebrate.

If Tav had had any idea of the kind of commitment involved with holding the title of Faithwarden, she might have just killed Khaga in cold blood where she stood. The woman had certainly made it tempting enough without the added threat of being named the equivalent of a druidic mediator, judge, and oracle. 

When she said as much to Halsin the former archdruid had only given her the proudest, softest expression and assured her that she was the only druid he had ever met who was well suited to the task. Which might have just been, possibly, the least helpful thing he could have said.

The summons came from all over Faerûn and took her away from home from anywhere between a tenday to months on end. Settling disputes between groves, ousting unworthy leadership, and using her ironclad grasp of Silvanus’ teachings to guide, illuminate, and teach his servants.

Highest honor this. Under the eye of Silvanus himself that. It was godsdamned exhausting, is what it was.  

Every time her duties kept her away from home for longer than a few days her skin itched to return. To ensconce herself in their house amongst the trees, rousing from her meditation and rolling on top of her lover, listening to the chatter of nature while she walked barefoot through the forest born anew. These were the things that tugged at her mind most when found herself many miles from home. 

Frustratingly, Halsin did not seem to miss her quite as much as she did him. When she returned he greeted her warmly enough, an enthusiastic participant in their lovemaking always, but a part of Tav wondered if she was the only one left pining during their separations. 

If she was gone longer than a ten day they would exchange letters or messages through nature, sometimes managing to speak through their meditations though that was rarer. He shared news of the happenings from home, asked after her welfare, and sometimes included messages from the children under their care. All very sweet but the few times she tried to broach the subject in her letters, how she missed him and yearned for his touch, he either said something clinically empathetic about duty or, worse, didn’t address it at all. 

The lack of reciprocation of her desires began to chip away at her confidence in their bond. She began to wonder if maybe she was being selfish trying to bring it up all the time. Perhaps he considered the lust she felt in his absence a youthful fault of her own and nothing to do with him at all. 

When she takes her leave one day she mentions while he walks with her to the boundary of their home, that if it looks like she may need to stay longer she will send a letter before the tenday is out. He smiles and nods but tells her she need not trouble herself on his account and kisses her softly on the forehead. 

Walking away from him, her steps feel heavy, and the words chase themselves in circles in her mind. Hurt blooms like a wicked vine, crawling through her mind with cruel barbs that whisper silky lies that taste like truths. Keeping in contact over long distances is not necessary. If someone should miss her, they surely know how to reach her. He may as well have told her not to come home at all. 

It all boiled down to the same thing. My love does not equal your love. Once she had the thought she found it had taken root and would not be burned away. She heard it as she walked, as she lay staring at the stars, and in her troubled meditations that shattered under the weight of it. It took very little imagination to begin to hear them repeat in her mind with his voice.     The journey is long and difficult but with dark thoughts dogging her heels she pushes herself as far and as fast as she is able. The grove is surprised to see her arrive so early but readily enfold her to the circle and the reasons they called for assistance. 

Two days, one set of bruised knuckles, and a sternly worded letter to an archdruid in Amn later Tav leaves the grove in an even fouler mood than she went in. 

“Please, Faithwarden, at least stay another day. Your journey here was most perilous and long, you should take a day and refresh yourself.” 

Tav tries to put her best face forward, she really does, but it is extremely difficult after her altercation with the grove’s resident healer left her in such a seething rage the First Druid had been forced to physically hold her back from beating the woman to death. When she whirls on the young novice he flinches back and Tav feels the sharp words turn to ash on her tongue. 

She can’t do anything to rid her face of the stern expression that has decided to live there but she does try to curb her tone at the very least. She assures the poor man she was well rested enough thank you very much but must be on her way to her next destination. 

The problem was, Tav had no idea where that destination was. Should she go home? Or would it be so terrible to wander for a bit, away from where she was clearly not as wanted as she supposed. Almost as soon as the thought occurs to her she decides no. She has a stack of letters to work through, almost half of them undoubtedly more summons for her aid. 

Standing in the middle of a dusty, overgrown road she sighs. The tangle of hurt and anger giving way to sudden weariness. Was this to be her doom? Always wandering, always aiding, and never finding a notch to catch her heel and making her stop and rest. To sooth her loneliness with the fleeting, loveless passion between strangers who desire her body or her position. It turns her stomach. Inside her chest her heart feels splintered with cracks. One more blow and she will crumble. 

When she is close to Thaniel’s realm she hesitates crossing the border right away. She decides that the temporary succor of reuniting with her lover, for once, does not outweigh the turmoil inflicted by the detachment of his farewell. It hasn’t even been a full ten-day anyway, so no one will be looking for her return. She can steal in through the window in her raven form, collect her stack of correspondence, and be gone again without anyone the wiser. 

The sky is dark and silent when she begins her mission.  A new moon offers plenty of cover to flit through the dark shadows on her way to the house nestled deep in the center of Thaniel’s realm. Spying an open window she flits though and perches on a chair, cocking her head and getting a read on her surroundings. The house is quiet though; the children are all nestled tight in their beds and the druid is nowhere to be seen. 

She wonders at that for a moment, it’s unlike him to leave the children unattended overnight. Though, she concedes, he does like to wander the border in wildshape when he feels like thinking in solitude. She brushes the thought away and sheds her birdform to creep on soundless steps through the dark home. 

The letters are not in the study where she expected them to be. The desk is tidy, just how Halsin prefers, but the slot where she usually keeps her stack is empty. She rifles through the drawers but they’re simply not there at all. Huffing an irritated sigh she spends a few extra moments poking around the rest of the room but there’s nothing. 

He’s already preparing for you to leave permanently, whispers the acrid voice from before. That makes Tav stop her tracks, her heart and stomach and throat twisting so much she has to put her fist against her chest to assure herself she hasn’t been impaled by an arrow. The cracks within, quiver in expectation but she’s here on a mission, not to feel sorry for herself. She ruthlessly shoves the thought and the accompanying lance of pain from her mind. 

The kitchen is likewise tidy, and the living area where Tav is most guilty of leaving her things strewn around, “like a magpie’s nest,” Halsin had oft remarked. The words had seemed teasingly affectionate then but now, wandering the spotless house, Tav isn’t sure. 

There’s only one place left to check but at this point Tav wonders if she mightn’t just leave after all. It seems unlikely the druid would move her things there, where they had no proper place like the desk. But there is a dreadful anticipation buzzing under her skin and she realizes she can’t not look, can’t leave without seeing for herself if she has been erased from even that space. If he has packed away the odds and ends, removed the evidence of her existence. If he had truly cut her out of his life so thoroughly. 

Her hand on the doorknob, heart in her throat, Tav braces herself. When the door swings open on silent hinges, revealing their bedroom just as she remembered it before she left she lets out a sigh that feels less like relief than she thought it would. Stepping in and shutting the door behind her, her keen eyes can see little that has moved or changed in the few days she’s been gone. 

Her robe is missing from the place it usually hangs but that’s not unusual. The children were very fond of donning it for their make believe games of wizards and sorcerers. The little vanity table the druid had carved for her is littered with her trinkets and keepsakes, untouched. She spins slowly, correspondence forgotten for the moment while she looks for something. Anything to either untether the ache in her chest or banish it for good. But there’s nothing. The room is unremarkable, ordinary in every way. 

She pokes around a bit and finds her stack of letters in the drawer of her vanity. She gives the room another cursory glance but pauses when she hears a gasp. She freezes, wondering if one of the kids had a nightmare and has found her in their search for comfort but the door is shut. The room still. 

Curious, she moves as silent as a shadow towards the alcove where the bed is tucked away from sight by a large screen she brought with her from one of her travels. A very dim light comes into view, a guttering candle more ember than wick left. The view that unfolds beyond the screen however, steals her breath away. 

Halsin is naked on their bed, eyes shut tight, with one hand holding her robe to his face while the other works a fierce pace along his erection. His hand rolls over the leaking head, once, twice, smearing the leaking precum from the tip before returning to pumping his thick length. His head drops back on the pillow, his mouth dropping open as he pants, his face a rictus in concentration. He breathes in sharply, another gasp he can’t hold back while he pleasures himself, lost in his fantasy, with her robe acting as the anchor. 

She feels…giddy. The sight before her would in any other circumstance be enough to have her naked within moments and joining him but the evidence of his clear desire for her, his desperate gasps and near silent wails are the result of his desperate want of her and she…she can’t look away. Her blood runs hot but she’s frozen. 

On the bed Halsin whines, teeth clenching, hips flexing as he tries to fuck his own hand. His heavy breathing is broken by a soft murmur, a whispered litany of words she can barely make out except for one. 

“Tav.” 

The hand holding her robe clenches and he takes a deep breath through his nose, taking in her scent from the fabric and when his eyes slit open Tav feels her own breath shudder out of her. It’s hot, suddenly too hot. His expression betrays surprise, confusion but when his hand stops moving on his cock Tav’s mouth is moving before her brain can catch up.

“Don’t stop,” she commands with a voice that sounds stronger than she feels. Inside she feels brittle and if he pushes the issue she would crumple immediately but he doesn’t. He nods, chest heaving, and his hand resumes its ministrations, his nearly black eyes on hers further driving her wild with desire.

Not even sure what she’s doing anymore Tav sheds her clothes and positions herself at the foot of the bed. A possession has come upon her, moving her limbs for her while her brain is far away. Abandoning his grip on her robe he uses his other hand to squeeze his balls, his breath hitching and in response she feels herself suck in a breath sharply. When he growls, stare heavy on her, she licks her lips and drags the hot skin of her palm across her nipples, her stomach, before finally dipping between the lips of her sex, seeking the bundle of nerves that throbs for attention. 

“Tav,” he utters, breathing thready and she sways. 

She drinks up the sight of him; squirming, needy, and skin flushed with arousal. The precum welling up from his tip looks like beads of pearls before he swipes it away to join the wet slick slide of his grip pumping his sex. When his hips start to jut into his hand again her hips jerk to echo it, her fingers swirling around her clit increasing their pace to keep rhythm with his movements. 

The silent room has become a chorus of their echoing gasps, groans, and stilted breathing. The lewd wet sound as they masturbate to each other’s pleasure is obscene and Tav nearly comes apart with the force of how much she likes it. She watches with intense hunger, the flex of each muscle as he unravels under her gaze. 

“I’m–! “ He breaks off, throwing his head back, the corded muscles of his neck taunt, the column of his throat damp with sweat. 

“Y-yes!” It’s all she can manage to choke out before she’s lost to the sensation of her toes curling, jaw clenching. 

They orgasm together, the sight of his seed spurting across his hand, his stomach, his chest has her moaning and grinding her finger into her clint until she exhales an aching, guttural sob, vision exploding with stars.

She crashes to her knees on the mattress, throwing out a hand to catch herself from falling face first into the blanket while she blinks away the haze of her orgasm. There’s movement and before she’s fully inhabiting her body again his mouth is on hers, his hands pulling her into his embrace. They’re both sticky and sweaty, but it feels like coming home after being away for a decade and she throws her arms around his neck and plunges her tongue into his mouth. 

Breaking apart, still catching their breath they sit entwined, foreheads together while they come back to their senses. 

When she finally meets his gaze it’s to find it already on her, soft and warm. The ache in her chest cracks wide open and she bursts into tears. 

“My love?” Halsin’s voice is the comforting rumble of a summer thunderstorm and it only makes the tears flow more insistently. 

“I–I thought...” The words die in her throat. It’s stupid, it’s ludicrous. How could she ever have even dreamed this sweet man would do the things she had supposed. What foolishness had bewitched her? How did she let her mind come to those awful conclusions? She doesn’t have an answer and speaking the words out loud feels fraught with peril. 

Halsin doesn’t press her but cradles her head against his chest, running a hand down her back in a soothing gesture that only makes the tangled mess of her emotions a stronger torrent of tears. He rocks her, humming something slow and soft. He kisses the fevered skin of her forehead, clutching her body to his tightly, securely, until at last she feels her last sob give way to hitching sighs. 

“I think…I think I’ve been incredibly foolish,” she admits, pulling away to look at him with bloodshot eyes and a snotty nose. 

Halsin takes that in but instead of interrogating her, he thumbs away her tears gently before pressing featherlight kisses against the damp skin of her face. 

She breathes in, sucking what courage she can from the air between them and haltingly begins to explain. Halsin’s face goes through several complicated emotions as she speaks before settling on sadness. 

When she is done relaying the whole of it. How she thought he did not miss her and how it snowballed so horribly from there, he takes her face in both his hands and kisses her softly. 

“I miss you,” he begins firmly, holding her gaze. “I miss you when you are not near, whether that means you have gone to answer a summons to a far away grove, or down to the river to collect the children, or even when you are laying in this bed in a trance close enough to touch. I miss you like the land misses the rain in a drought,” he takes her hands in his and presses them to his chest. “I miss you like the winter misses the sun; the dragon misses his flight; the Tears of Selûne miss the moon when its light is extinguished and they are left to trail along until she returns. Without you by my side I feel my days grow dark and grey and spend too often looking over my shoulder for the moment you might appear and bring the light to shine on me again.”  

“But–” 

“I miss you,” interrupts Halsin urgently. “With everything that I am. Foolishly I held myself aloof in your absence because I did not wish to burden you with my own selfish suffering. You already found the duty bestowed on you an oppressive one and I did not wish to add myself to your troubles. I see now that was a mistake. One I will not commit again.” 

“I’m sorry,” says Tav, looking away. “I should have tried harder to explain what I…what I wanted, I suppose. What I needed from you.” 

Halsin smiles and nuzzles her cheek. “We each of us have learned something here today and I think we are the better for it, no?” 

“You’re very wise, archdruid,” says Tav with a small smile, the spark coming back into her eyes. “You wouldn’t be interested in becoming Faithwarden, would you?” 

Halsin laughs and tugs her into his arm again, burying his face in her neck, and stroking her hair and the bare skin of her back. “I’m afraid I’ve quite retired from druidic duties, my heart.” 

“Yeah yeah, rub it in.” She pulls back from his embrace when a thought occurs to her and she scans his wide chest in puzzlement before she spies her rolled up robe cast aside on the floor. “Halsin Silverbough did you use my robe to clean up your– “

He leans in close and snatches a kiss to cut her off. “I will wash it myself.” 

“Yes you will, that was a gift I got in Waterdeep! Silvanus protect you if I have to go back to that fetid kingdom of money plagued rats to get another one.”

He grins and snatches another kiss before rolling away and snatching the robe off the floor, backing away to the door. “I’m glad you’re home, my heart.” 

“You’re not going to be very glad if you don’t go put that in some water right now!” 

“Yes, dear,” he calls, sauntering away

“Cold water, Halsin, I’m serious!” He doesn’t respond and she trails after him in alarm. “Halsin? Are you listening?” 

“Always, my heart.”  

The End

[speedforce-zoomies]

Something I think that’s funny (not in a judgey way) is how a lot of the fandom views Tim’s relationships with the other Batfam members/Gotham heroes

Tim might be the bat fam member/Gotham vigilante with the most positive relationships out of every one but for the angst a lot of people ignore that (again not judging, also love a good angsty fic, just think it’s interesting) and I listed it out below : )

Tim & Alfred - Alfred loves him, that’s one of his boys

Tim & Jim Gordon - as far as I’m aware Gordon has never had anything bad to say about Tim

Lucius Fox - they worked well together to stop Ra’s al Ghul from destroying Wayne enterprises/Industries (whatever its being called now) in Red Robin

Tim & Bruce - that’s his son and most of the time Bruce acts like it

Tim & Selina “He’s a goody two-shoes but I like that kid” (Catwoman #31)

Kate Kane - as of Tim Drake: Robin their relationship hit a rough spot but he was still wanting to do whatever he could to protect her so I think they are/ will be good

(Tim & Luke Fox - genuinely have no idea if they’ve had any significant interactions so I’m gonna assume they’re good but not sure if it counts so I’ll leave that up to individual opinion)

Tim & Barbara - Barbara has said he’s the only batboy with manners lol and she has fallen for his baby brother charms

Tim & Dick - has literally stated in canon that he would do anything for Tim, he’s Dick’s litte brother, Dick is absolutely Tim’s favorite brother

Tim & Jean Paul Valley - JPV hurt him but due to his reaction to hearing Tim got the clench and trying to save him he obviously still cares and they’ve worked together since so I think they’re on good terms

Tim & Helena - she was so genuinely heartbroken when she thought he was killed by killer croc, has also fallen for his little brother charms

Tim & Cassandra - siblings who have each others back no matter what

Tim & Jason - despite their rocky start, as of Knight Terrors: Robin they’ve been shown to have a civil if not a positive relationship

Tim & Stephanie - besties despite being exes

Tim & Harper Row - what I’ve seen of them has been a fun relationship “I should go. Probably some kind of mischief going on.” “Mischief huh?” (Batman Eternal #52 I think)

Tim & Duke Thomas - they alway come through for each other and haven’t had any beef as far as I’m aware

Tim & Darcy Thomas - good relationship

Tim & Damian - as of Tim Drake: Robin, Tim is calling Damian his little brother. They may have hated each other in the beginning but they don’t now

(Am I missing anyone??)

Out of the other characters that are generally considered to have good/positive relationships with everyone else -

From my understanding, Alfred, Gordon, & Barbara have had mostly positive relationships with the others (sometimes they’ve had bumps in the road but usually the relationship recovered from that) but I don’t recall if they have had a relationship with ALL of the above characters

Cass and Jason did have beef due to extremely different ideologies and I’m not aware of that being resolved

Duke Thomas has not been shown to have interactions with all of those listed above

Dick has some on again off again beefs with some of the others

+ other beefs I’m aware of

Jason & Damian last I recall were still getting into tumbles whenever they made the other angry, which is a lot

Bruce has multiple beefs going on at all times it seems : (

I feel like I’m forgetting some unresolved beef involving JPV but maybe I’m wrong

Anyways my point is, unless I’m majorly wrong about any of the above, or forgetting several people, Tim is most likely the canonical Batfam member with the most positive relationships amongst Gotham vigilantes (if I went past that that list would never end lol) even if a lot of his relationships with the others started out rough or had a rough patch at some point

[turtleblogatlast]

Before asking this question I must say that I literally read everything I could find about your prisoner!leo au and I just love it so much it’s hard to explain, it’s the perfect mix between angst and comedy and I really hope you’ll keep posting content about it in the future (even if you don’t it’s fine, I’m not forcing you-)

Now

You said that the first time that Leo cries after he come back from the prison dimension is when he puked after eating something

Did anybody see him cry? What happened then?

(I hope everything is understandable, English isn’t my first language 😭)

[ cw: vomit mention / ]

Aaa thank you!!! I promise I’ll absolutely return to my boy eventually, just struggling with the next part amongst busy-ness in general 😭 but thank you, I’m glad you’re liking the AU thus far!

As for your question - yes, his family saw. They wanted to give him something to eat, wanted him to feel at home, but unfortunately for everyone the feeling was just so foreign and uncomfortable that Leo couldn’t keep it down.

As for why he cried, it’s because, in my opinion, there’s few things that make someone feel as much shame and misery all at once than vomiting. To do so in front of his family and show a blatant weakness, after masking for so long, after wanting things to be okay, after feeling humiliation and losing what little face he thought he’d lost…

Above all, after feeling vulnerable to that degree, it’s no shock that he’d finally break.

He runs off after that, of course. Has to fix his face back up, return with a smile and a “ough, boy, wow that was gross lmao anyway wanna go skateboard?”

The fam learns pretty quick that pushing him like this just leads to more deflections and the like, so they’re forced to lay the matter to rest, for now.

[izzyfandoms]

A Sleep So Sweet - Chapter Eight

When Emile discovered he was the soulmate of the prince of a magical species known as Beings, he did not know how to react. Beings were terrifying, powerful creatures, who often did not care for humanity, and, in their first meeting, his soulmate, the sleep prince, seemed to be no different.  

Will Emile fall in love with his soulmate, or are they simply not meant to be?

SHIPS: Remile, Date (Janus x Nate)

WARNINGS: Deception

GENERAL TAGLIST: @quillfics42 @aj-draws @phantomofthesanderssides @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game @because-were-fam-ily @imtryingthisout @a-creepycookie @littlestr @spooky-scary-virgil @fuyel @mimsidoodles @soupgremlin @aroaceagenderfluid @birdsbookshiddeninrealbirdsskin @quirkalurk @gingers-trashy-stuff @iinyxtello @justaqueercactus @melodiread @mrbubbajones @pun-master-logan @gayturtlez @k1ngtok1 @yourneighborhooddisaster @alexxander-the-gay @full-of-roman-angst-trash @selfcarejanus

A SLEEP SO SWEET TAGLIST: @spellingwillbethedeathofme @unicornofdarknessstuff

Masterpost

A Sleep So Sweet Masterpost

“So, what have you been up to lately, Emile?” Nate asked his son, handing him a warm mug of tea.

Emile happily took the mug, letting it warm his palms as he lifted it to his lips and took a sip.

“Oh, not much,” he said. “Work, mostly.” He paused, before adding. “I’ve also been, uh, making a few new friends.” He let out an awkward laugh.

He certainly had been making some new friends. Apparently, Beings stalking him and showing up in his home or place of work was a part of his life now. It was weird, but it wasn’t all bad.

Virgil and Patton had been nice, though if Emile wanted to hang out with them, they wouldn’t be the easiest to contact, as he assumed that they did not have phones. But perhaps Emile could use a Whispering Being to contact them if he wanted to meet up with them again.  

“New friends?” Janus prompted, moving a little to the side so his husband could sit down beside him on the couch.

Emile nodded, taking another sip from his drink.

“It’s kinda weird, honestly,” Emile admitted. “It turns out Sleep’s Being friends are curious about me, and have been, well... stalking me, I guess?” He then hurriedly added. “But none of them have tried to hurt me so far! They seem to just want to... be friends?”

“You’re being stalked?” Janus asked seriously, one eyebrow raised.

“Well, yeah, but – um – I guess this is my life now.” Emile let out an awkward laugh. “It seems to kinda be a side effect of having a Being prince as a soulmate.”

Janus hummed, his expression unhappy: his brow creased in thought.  

Nate had a similar expression on his face, though his was more thoughtful than upset.

“Have you spoken to your soulmate about this?” he asked. “Maybe he can get his friends to stop stalking you.”

Emile had begun to raise his mug to his lips again, but lowered it again after his father had said those words.

The thought of talking to his soulmate again made him feel conflicted.

Yes, he wanted to stop worrying about random Beings showing up in his home or workplace, but... well, he didn’t really want to talk to Sleep right now. He had a lot of conflicted feelings about him, and the thought of talking to him made him nervous.

Who knew what kinds of things Sleep would say about humans if Emile tried to talk to him again? He had claimed that he would spend time amongst humans to get to know them better, but Emile had no way of knowing if that was actually the truth.  

Sleep might have been his soulmate, but that didn’t make Emile’s feelings about him any less complicated. In fact, that made his feelings even more complicated. He couldn’t just give up on him, this was his soulmate, he wanted to give him a chance. But he simultaneously felt anxious at just the thought of talking to Sleep again.

Things were... complicated.

Emile sighed. “Maybe.”

There was silence for a bit, just a little awkward, before Emile decided to speak again.

“I, uh, made a new human friend a couple days ago, too.”

“Oh?” Janus said. “How did you meet?”

“I kinda... ran into him, spilling my coffee all over his clothes.”

Nate laughed. “Sounds like the start of a romance movie.”

Emile had been trying very hard to keep himself from thinking about it like that.

He had been simultaneously thinking about Remy a lot, and trying not to think about Remy at all.

He barely knew the man; it made no sense that he was taking up just as much room in Emile’s brain as Sleep was! Honestly, this situation was complicated.

Sleep was his soulmate, he was the only one who Emile should be thinking about romantically. And Emile was thinking about him romantically. Thinking about how handsome he was, despite his inhuman appearance. Thinking about how he was actually listening to Emile, and had decided to spend time amongst humans, like Emile had suggested.  

But, well, there were the downsides to Sleep, too. He was rude, and despite the fact that he had decided to spend time with humans, he still thought of them as lesser.  

Emile didn’t know what to think of him.

And then there was Remy. The handsome man who he had only met once, but who he could not stop thinking about.

Remy hadn’t texted him yet, though. Maybe he never would.

Maybe that would be a good thing – it would take Emile’s mind off of him eventually – but Emile could not help but be disappointed by that thought.  

Gosh, why were there so many handsome men in Emile’s life?

Well, there were two handsome men in his life, but that was still too many in Emile’s opinion. It just made life too complicated.

“You alright, kid?” Nate asked, reaching out and nudging Emile. “You zoned out there.”

“Is everything okay?” Janus asked, one eyebrow raised.

Emile let out an awkward laugh, looking down at his mug.

"Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he said. “I just got a bit distracted. What were we talking about?”

“You were saying you made a new friend the other day. A human one?” Nate said. Then, he laughed slightly. “Gosh, how weird are our lives now that we have to make that distinction?”

Emile laughed, too. “Yeah, I know. Life has gotten pretty crazy.” He took a sip from his drink, trying to focus on the tasty tea and not on the two new men in his life. He failed immediately. “But yeah, I made a new human friend the other day. I spilt my coffee on him, so I bought him coffee to make up for it. We talked about cartoons for a little bit, and I ended up giving him my number – platonically – so I can give him some cartoon recommendations.”

Janus hummed, nodding slowly.  

“And it was definitely platonically, right?” he asked after a moment.

Emile sighed. “Yes, it was definitely platonic. I think I made it pretty clear that I wasn’t hitting on him. I mean, I have a soulmate, dads. I can’t just go around flirting with other men, even if my soulmate and I aren’t exactly... together.”

Janus nodded, and so did Nate.

“Understandable,” Janus said. “Have you heard from your soulmate again lately?”

“Not since the message from the Whispering Being that I told you about,” Emile said. He sighed, looking down into his mug. “Honestly, I’m not really sure what to do next. He says he’ll spend some time amongst humanity, should I just wait for him to do that and assume he’ll come to me afterwards? Or do I reach out to him first? It’s all just... so confusing.”

Nate reached out, placing his hand on Emile’s shoulder and causing him to look up from his mug.

“You’ll figure it out,” he said firmly. “This isn’t the easiest situation, but you can handle it. If you want to talk to him, do it. If you want to wait, do that instead. Do whatever feels right.”

That was nice advice. It did make Emile feel just the littlest bit better about himself.

But it was also just the slightest bit unhelpful. But Emile knew that he shouldn’t look to his parents for answers every time he had a dilemma. Sometimes, he had to come up with solutions himself.

He paused, thinking.

Would it be best to contact Sleep now, or would it be best to wait?

Emile didn’t really want to wait, when he didn’t know how long he would be waiting. But he also didn’t want to rush Sleep. If Sleep wanted to spend some time around humanity, then perhaps Emile should wait until he’d gotten to know humans a bit better.

“I think... I’m gonna wait a bit. Then, I’ll try to contact him again and I’ll see if he’s changed his mind about humanity.”

Nate and Janus both nodded.

“That sounds like a good idea,” Janus said.

Nate gave Emile a smile. “I agree.”

Emile smiled back slightly at his parents.

Maybe things would get less complicated.

Maybe Sleep would get to know humanity and realise that he had been wrong. He would come back to Emile, apologetic, and they would be able to start their relationship again, like nothing had ever happened. They would fall in love and live happily ever after for the rest of their lives.

Okay. Maybe that was thinking ahead a little bit too much, but Emile just couldn’t help himself.

He smiled again, and took another sip from his drink.

Things were going to be okay. They may have had a rough start, but things would turn out fine.

Emile was almost sure of it.

***

When Emile arrived home, it was late, later than he had perhaps intended. But that often happened when he visited his parents. They talked for hours – catching up on life, as they no longer all lived together – and often lost track of time. That had happened this time, so as Emile shut his front door, he yawned.  

He leant back against his door, blinking sleepily and almost dropping his keys.

Gosh, he really hadn’t been getting much sleep lately, too distracted by Beings showing up in his home or staying up late thinking about his soulmate dilemma.

He yawned again, before he took a step away from his door. He hung his keys onto a hook, kicking off his shoes and taking off his coat.

Just as he began to hang up his coat, too, he heard a noise from inside his pockets. It was a notification from his phone, so he quickly pulled it out – it could have been work-related – hanging his coat onto the hook and switching on his phone. He unlocked it, and saw that he had a new text from an unknown number.

Is this Emile?

Emile blinked, a little surprised, but immediately began to type out a response.

Emile

Yup! Who is this?

He began to make his way over to his kitchen, deciding to make himself a hot chocolate to prepare himself for going to bed. Just as he began to place his phone down on the counter, he received a message in response.

This is Remy.

Emile stared at his phone, a little surprised, for a few seconds. It had been a few days, he almost hadn’t expected Remy to ever text him. Then, he smiled, and immediately saved Remy to his contacts.

Emile

Oh! Hello Remy! How are you?

He placed his phone down on the counter and began to make his hot chocolate. Just as he finished preparing it, lifting it to his lips for the first taste, he got another notification. He put down his mug and picked up his phone.

Remy

I’m good.  

How are you?  

Emile smiled, and began to write out his next text.

Emile

I’m good! Thanks for asking!

Do you want some cartoon recommendations now?

Soon, he completely forgot about his hot chocolate, too engrossed in his conversation with Remy. And by the time he remembered it, it was almost cold.  

[taecalikook]

(Not) Just Friends

summary : Befriending the fuckboy with devilishly handsome face and emotional capacity of a pea is not exactly your choice, especially when you met him when you were in fifth grade, attracted for the unhealthy vermillion shaded face of the nerd he was that fateful day. So is Jungkook, as he is already putting strictly platonic label on your forehead and calls it a day. But it is only a matter of time before everything changes, and it only takes a frat party, lots of booze and... a certain Kim Seokjin.

{friends to lovers! au, fuckboy! au, fratboy! au}

pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (side kim seokjin)

genre : major fluff, a sprinkle of angst and borderline crack

word count : 24.612 (one-shot)

==============

“Hi, pumpkin! Is that for me?”

You were just sipping on your morning espresso, sitting in your favorite coffee shop while reading your favorite book of all time when the familiar annoying voice of your childhood best friend rang in your ear. You look up, finding the hateful smirk on his lips that you desperately want to strangle off of him, more for interrupting your sacred solitude morning routine—well not really solitude since you did promise him breakfast before class today. But as per usual, he just had to steal the glass you had in your grasps, sipping on the tasteful liquid while scrunching his eyebrows on your choice of reads.

“Isn’t it too early for The Great Gatsby in such a wonderful morning?”

“Isn’t it getting too old for you to keep drinking my coffee?” You bite back in the same bratty manner he displays. Jungkook chuckles, resting the cup back with a slight grimace. Probably because the coffee is tad too bitter for a sweet-crazed tooth like him. “You don’t even like espresso. I don’t even know why you always want a taste of my coffee.”

“Nah, I just want to mess with you fam.” He smirks, the bitterness still leaving a mark on his taste buds. Serve him right, you roll your eyes and try to center your attention back to your book. This idiot really knows no boundaries when it comes to you, you swear to God.

You and Jungkook have been best friends since both of you were kids. As cliché as it sounds, you met Jungkook when he was a total nerd in fifth grade of elementary school. He perfectly embraces the nerd stereotype at that time, thick ass glasses, braces, carrying books and his neon green nintendo nearly everywhere. You were not really interested in befriending the nerd, but when he got shamed by the cool girls for giving them chocolates for Valentine's Day—an expensive chocolate, for anyone keeping notes—you quickly stepped in when it seemed like it went overboard. 

Jungkook was bullied in the middle of the school yard with everyone to witness, for giving the girl he likes a chocolate on fucking Valentine’s Day. You noticed how ashamed he was—lips quivering, heads hanging low and the most distinctive feature is his cheek and ears, literally turning to the shade of vermillion. You did not know whether it is healthy for a face to be that red—you were terrified he might pass out—but yet those girls were still keen on mocking his sincere acts and his shy expression, not showing a sign to stop anytime soon.

Your consciousness literally forced you to step in, jumping on between them and literally yell at those girls. You forcefully stole the chocolate from one of the girls' grasp, eating them on the spot and shouted in irritation, “Done! I ate everything, so stop bullying him. You girls should be ashamed of yourself, he did nothing wrong!”

The imbecile girls were embarrassed, because their show was immediately stopped by an unpopular girl they never saw before in front of the whole school to see. One girl who seemed to be like the leader of the lunatic gang suddenly moved forward and pushed you until you fell on your back, and you know that was it. You seriously had been waiting to use your taekwondo skills for a better cause, and at that time, you saw the chance and took it whole-heartedly. You were not even using your full strength on her—you mostly used your defense technique when she was giving multiple amateur punches. You really lost everything when she grabbed your hair and pulled it hard (like most amateur girls would fight). The pain on your scalp hurt from the vicious pull, so you mildly used the front kick technique on her to push her away yet she easily fell down like a limp noodle, scraping her body with a small amount of the blood trickling out.

After the fight ensued and was broken off by one of the teachers, you and the crying girl were taken to the headmaster’s office. You were going to be punished severely, but fortunately some witnesses came to your rescue, you and the girl received punishment of detention for one month straight. Somehow, the spoiled annoying girl got out of the punishment with her parents persuasion, yet not really the same for your strict parents. They were furious for you to be punished for a physical fight in school that they directly cut you from your twice-a-week taekwondo classes you loved so much—thinking that it must be a bad influence for you. Not only that, you were also grounded and was forbidden to go out of the house for a month. You were devastated, but you know there was no way to change their minds, so you just sucked it up and promised to do your punishment well.

Day one of your punishment, you were sitting inside the detention class, the teacher was zooming off on the table with a documentary of Helen Keller played on the television. You were doodling on the back of your book in boredom. Suddenly, amongst the silence, a hush was heard in front of you, whispering your name. You shifted your head, finding the same boy directly on the table in front of you.You must absolutely did not expect it to be him—the nerd you saved from raging selfishness of the slow-minded girls.

“Hi... I got into detention to accompany you...” 

You inspected the boys with scrunched eyebrows in confusion. He somehow was still with the vermillion shade of red coloring his supple cheeks, just like last week when you were defending him. Is he... sick? He better be not, cause if he were, you were going to regret not setting the girl straight a little bit harder. The adamant despise towards injustice firing inside you was ignited by the lesson you always received from your taekwondo class, how you always must use your strength for goodness. Yes, you indeed will be missing going to Taekwondo classes. 

Realizing your mind had been anywhere but here, you straightened in your seat and tilted your head in confusion at the guy. “Are you okay? You look so… red.”

The boy quickly hid his cheeks with his palm, eyes not meeting yours out of shyness. It looked like he wanted the world to swallow him firsthand. “I—I’m sorry! I just have this weird physical habit of turning super red whenever I'm shy or angry..” He whispered, nibbling on his lips while still avoiding your eyes. “I hope I don’t make you uncomfortable..”

“Nope.” You answered with a loud pop on the last ‘p’, sending the boy a warm smile. “It doesn’t bother me in any way. You should not be ashamed of that. That’s cute.”

Well if you thought his face was already red, you could not imagine how more red it could turn into after you called him cute. Out of panic, you swiftly handed him the cold drinks sitting on your desk. “H—hey! You are too red, it is not possible. Put this on your face!”

After a few seconds he spent pushing the cold bottle to his face, you could finally see him breath again. You were unable to hold a smile looking at the boy, huffing his breath repeatedly to calm himself. You did sincerely find him cute, so different from the boys from your school who somehow really got on your nerves from constantly bragging about nearly everything. Their expensive belongings, their parent’s house, their ability to play sports, and it sickened you. Well you didn't really know the boy in front of you, but it seemed like he wasn’t the type to. You were prepared to drop him the second a cocky symptoms were found though, even if internally you wish he wouldn’t. You spared so much of your effort to take on the guy’s side, such a waste to do that on another thick-headed prick.

“I just realize I don’t know your name.” You suddenly thought to yourself after multiple times addressing him as ‘the nerd’ or ‘this boy’. He was just giving your drinks back to your desk, and then he shyly put out his hands to you.

“Hi.. My name is Jungkook. I am ten years old, and I came from Busan. I have one brother and one dog. My hobby is playing games and taking a bath! Nice to meet you!”

You really were going to burst into laughter, but then you detect the teacher was already woken up and shooting looks at the both of you for causing such a loud commotion. You bit your lips, holding any sound from coming out fervently, your eyes trained on your desk so you would be able to hold them back. Inside, you were glad that you saved this boy the other day. This boy was too pure and kind for his own good, and you were happy that you stood for him.

Well, that was all too long in the past, you nearly had a hard time remembering it. Now Jungkook has changed, 180 degrees from that cute, shy, vermillion shade faced boy you met in elementary school. After an agonizing ten years has passed, he went from a total innocent sweetheart, such a cutie to the annoying ass of a fuckboy jock he is today. What a shame to witness the degradation, you thought to yourself. But you did know when and where it went wrong—he was just too tired of being taken too much of an advantage by despicable people around him. The friend he befriended, his chemistry lab partner in middle school, his classmates and especially the girl he dated in high school. He hated it—he hated everything that happened to him when he was trying to be the nice guy for everyone. 

So in the last year of high school—after the bad breakup with the said girlfriend—he changed everything, nearly everything until it's even hard for you to recognize him sometimes. He swore off dating and romances, he went twelve hours per week to the gym and the school’s football team, attended parties days and nights before fucking random girls, and did the bare minimum in his education due to the shift of focus. But still even by then (actually, even until today), one and only person he would always listen to was you. 

When he failed one of his subjects in the last term of high school—and seemed completely unbothered by it, you were furious at him and refused to communicate in any way to him until he got his priorities straight. He tried contacting you, but you rejected at the first beep. He waited for you in front of your class but you quickly shove him with hurtful words his way, “You stop being yourself, Jungkook. I don’t even know you anymore.” and you meant every word. You missed your best friend, you missed his innocence and availability for you, and frankly, you also had enough of hearing about how charming he was, or how good he was in bed, talked in hush by your obnoxious girls in your classes. 

Few days later, you were already resting in your house while reading a book and listening to the droplets of the heavy rain knocking down on your roof, until a hesitant knock was heard on the door. You shuffled to open the door to find, was expecting your brother coming home from college, but instead found Jungkook, drenched in front of your porch with the remedial sheet on his hand—written that he passed the said subject with flying colors. You were surprised that he even got the chance to fix his grade, but after telling you he needed to do a fifty page review of the economic systems around the world to even got the chance to remedial test, you did realize how much he put an effort to pass a subject he didn’t even like. Somehow, it resulted in more happiness on you than you thought it would be. You couldn’t deny you were already contemplating whether you were too harsh or nosy on him, or he would just drop you the second you push him away. You were on the edge, imagining that you would lose a best friend because of your annoying attitude and peskiness. But he came through.

After welcoming Jungkook to take a bath and wear your brother’s clothes, you offered him a glass of hot chocolate, his favorite drink. But you noticed that he was still pouting, so you questioned it. “I am thankful that you knocked some sense into me, but Y/N, don’t ever ignore me like that again…” Jungkook’s pout turned deeper, his knuckles pushing your forehead in annoyance. 

“You are the last person who I ever wanted to turn against me.” He whispered after seconds of silence of just staring at each other, eyes turning gleam that knocked some guilt inside your chest. You nodded silently, promising that you would not do that kind of antics again.

You remember that day like the back of your hand—after a long time, you see how vermillion-shaded his face has returned after telling you how thankful he was for your presence as his best friend during the past ten years, and your straight-up attitude that set him straight during his weak times. He cried that day, telling you how hard everything was for him. Behind those strong facade and muscle, you realized he was still the innocent, vulnerable nerd with a vermillion-shaded face you met ten years ago. You missed those innocence he finally displayed, and it brought you back to times when it was just you and him against the world. 

Even after that day Jungkook still continues all his fuckboy ways, and until now after both of you went to the same university. He is taking an industrial engineering major while you were doing your life-long dream of taking political science, both of your faculties are located near each other. Jungkook was still being the same Jungkook he was, he joined the football team and brother frat in college, filled with dumb rich jocks who held parties nearly twice a week. After getting few drinks in the party, he would fall into meaningless sex with the girl he just knew before. Not that you mind, you have been way too accustomed in having such a best friend and it doesn’t even bother you anymore.

But still, you were confused how Jungkook is able to maintain his life together—his studies, his jock practices and his fuckboy activities in parallel. You have no objection at all for his life choices—since he never leaves you out and schedules a breakfast or lunch minimal twice per week with you to update you on what he was doing with his life and likewise. Not even counting the times he would get you from your apartment if you have the same morning class like today. By what you hear from him, it really seems like he is holding up just well. Good for him.

“Hey, stop ignoring me, you ugly ass hoe!”

You wake up from your long flashbacks, since you notice that you have been zooming out for quite a while now. You clear your throat, sipping on the coffee that has turned cold, sending apologies for not paying attention to him. “Sorry. I was distracted. You were saying?”

Jungkook frowns, his eyes squinted on you, and you know what he was doing. He was trying to diagnose your silence. You roll your eyes at his nosy acts. “Stop looking at me like that! I said I was sorry, Jungkook. Now tell me what’s bothering you. This girl you fucked with before, did she still try to contact you again?”

“I wasn’t telling you about that!” Jungkook raises his voice, his face slightly reddening out of shyness for you mentioning his bad experience on one of his one night stands. Looking at him, you are reminded about the vermillion-faced Jungkook you met in elementary school. Oh how you miss those reddening supple cheeks of his. “I was telling you if you are going to Hoseok’s birthday party this weekend. It’s gonna be lit, I swear! He is holding it in his fancy ass house with a pool and whatever.” You snort, your eyes trailing back on your books even if you are not reading at all. You just want to ignore him, implicitly telling how silly his invitation was. Parties are never your forte, you feel mildly uncomfortable in such a short distance with tons of strangers. You’d rather reread this book you are holding for the nth time already, you swear.

“Y/N, you could even meet boys there, I know how saintly you have been living lately. Live a little, pumpkin! I swear you’ll enjoy it there.” Still you don’t budge on him.

“Kim Seokjin is gonna be there, though. You sure you won’t come?”

Listening to his name, your ears perk up, eyes slightly glancing up to him. Seokjin is one of Jungkook’s frat brothers, a final year who surely does not share the same ugly traits of the other brother. He is smart, ambitious in his study, and is also the head of the Taekwondo university club. Your deep interest in Taekwondo has driven you to see him in multiple universities and external competitions, and you cannot bear yourself but to swoon over him and his rightful acts. Even if you surely do not have the courage to directly introduce yourself to him, you have been thinking a lot about joining the club with pure—well not really pure motivation. You are also unable to emphasize more that he is really one of the kindest souls out there. He is known as very helpful to everyone, joining as a volunteer in various social and environmental movements. You also heard that he had a serious relationship for five years, in which they had to break up a year ago because the girl had to move to America to pursue her study and decide to break up with him. What a doofus.

You notice the cocky, winning triumph on Jungkook’s face realizing how affected you are by the name, but you’ll set aside your will to erase the annoying smirk off of his face just to get more information out of him. “Continue.”

“He is best friends with Hoseok. I know he is not really a party type—you probably know that better than I do—but this one's for his friend's birthday party. He’ll come.” Jungkook says, munching on the served american breakfast in front of him. “You can finally meet him, probably say hi and then bone him while you’re at it. You get me?” Jungkook wickedly smiles, eyebrows dancing on his temple and you roll your eyes in response. You have such an obnoxious dickhead as a friend, and whose fault is it? Yours, of course.

“I hate you so much, Jungkook. Do you know that?” You gave him a cynical smile, and he returned it with the same bland taste, biting on the last piece of bacon. 

“Can.. Can I bring Lia too?” You hesitantly asked, biting on your lips. Jungkook’s chewing movement is slowing, an uncomfortable silence ensues.

Lia is your apartment roommate, a cute girl with the same major as yours. Short height, big round eyes and straight hair are her noticeable features, and what troubles Jungkook for Lia’s presence in your discussions, is her uncanny resemblance to his high school ex girlfriend. Her similar name, her looks, her height, her choice of outfit and nearly everything, reminded him of the girl he has been trying to forget. You were surprised while meeting her too at first, but you did not realize how the resemblance would bother Jungkook that much. Well probably, Jungkook was still trying to forget about her—hell, this whole new persona of his was founded by his heartbreak towards the bitter-ended relationship.

You remember how head over heels was Jungkook towards his ex-girlfriend. Whenever he is around her, or just thinking about her when she was brought up in your discussions, Jungkook would again turn vermillion in shyness for his adoration of the girl. He would waste hours, with all his power and wealth to make the girl happy—without telling you at that time about how much he spent for her, since he knew how fervently you would react to that—and content with the relationship they both shared. But none could prepare him for the inevitable break up, Jungkook found the girl was cheating on him with another older guy, in which he found out who was her source of income too. Jungkook was devastated, heartbroken and that's the turning point when he swore off romances and relationships at all cost. You tried your best in helping him mend the broken pieces caused by the vicious witch of an ex-girlfriend, but you know none of it was the same ever again. What you could and promise to do is to be there for your best friend, at all times.

“It’s—it’s okay. I think I am just overreacting over all of this. I swear.” He sighs, sounding a little bit tired of everything and putting the utensils on his plate. You lean closer, waiting for the continuation of his spoken mind. “I am so fucked up, Y/N. Like, there are so many things that keep reminding me of her. You know how evil she is, and everything she did to me—but I still find myself missing her so much it’s crazy. It’s been nearly two years, but I still think about her—a lot. The girl I was with last night. The girl I met at a party two weeks ago. Your roommate—gosh, i’m so tired.” He sadly groans, hiding his face behind his palm. Oh, how you wish to take away some of the pain he feels.

“I think.. I think you just need to stop pushing it away, Jungkook..” You softly speak, your palm caressing his shoulder to his arm in sympathy. Jungkook let out another sigh, resting his palm over yours, eyes filled with frustration over himself.  “I think the more you are trying to stop thinking about her, the less you are able to overcome it. Just let it go. Confront it. Confront everything that reminds you of her, and tell yourself that you are slowly but surely overcoming the hunch.”

Jungkook silently nods for a while zooming out to the street, until at one point he slowly squints his eyes on you, full of suspicion. You choose to look away, trying to be nonchalant of his suspecting gaze.

“You just want me to allow your friend to go to the party so you will have a companion to meet Seokjin, right?”

Well, you should know you are going to be caught red-handed, but it should not this fast, though. Are you that obvious or it’s just another episode of Jungkook knowing you better than you do? “You know how much I need to meet him, Jungkook! You are my friend, you should help me with this. I need her as my support.” You defend yourself, arms folded in front of your chest in agitation. You are desperately in need of  Lia there, so at least when you embarrass yourself in front of a cheering crowd—or worst, Seokjin himself—you will have support that helps you get into that taxi and drive yourself to the nearest cliff. You won’t even expect Jungkook to be  there for you, he must be off somewhere fucking bimbos and that’s just how less you expect of him.

“Hey, I can be your wingman to score him too! Are you kidding me? I am his kind, I know how to get you to him better than that friend of yours.” Jungkook scrunch his nose in distaste of your doubts about him. You scoff loudly, pushing your cold coffee away so you or Jungkook’s slob trait will not nudge or drop it to pieces mid argument. That surely happened before, and you do not want another dirty look thrown by the waitress at the both of you for causing troubles, yet again.

“Stop kidding me. First, you are not his kind. He is not a fuckboy. And what would happen if I go there with you are first, you missing at twenty minutes mark and off fucking some girl on the upstair bedroom or even worse, in the restroom and I’ll just be foolishly standing in the corner like fucking nerd who miss her literature club meeting with expectation to meet a cute, faithful guy in some dumb frat parties, fell in love and get married to happily ever after. Or second, you ignore the girls thirsting over you to accompany me and just an hour, you off to get a drink and those dumb girls will kidnap me and feed me to the lion. I don’t see any positive scenario over you, accompanying me to the party. No thanks.”

Jungkook is surely bewildered over the scenario you just play out to him. You take a deep breath, realize you have been spitting out so many words in such a short span of time. You are quite proud of that talent, though.

“That’s… strangely detailed.”

You roll your eyes, looking at the watch on your wrist. Only ten minutes left and both of you need to run to the first class.  “We need to get going now. Let’s go, you dumb jock.”

Jungkook sighs, following your step, resting a few bills on the table. “It’s my turn paying now. Let’s go.”

*

“Are you sure you want to wear that?”

Listening to Lia’s queries for the nth time, you sigh and go inside the bathroom to change into your comfy house clothes. You have been trying to find the perfect dress that is the perfect balance of classy and slutty since three hours ago—exactly right after you ran home from your afternoon class. But yet it seems like no dress is right, one makes you look too slutty, or another which makes you like a freaking nun amongst the girl in the party, or another one which make your butt looks massive or one that is too tight you know you can’t even breathe if you wear that to the party. And who are you even kidding? You are putting too much effort for a party that most likely will not even realize you are there. You know that you are not that excessively pretty like some girls that hangout with Seokjin and Jungkook’s frat—yes, you are not far on the other side either, but it’s still a valid point.

“I’m done. I’m just wearing anything to the party and if Seokjin can’t see me, he can kiss my ass. Probably gonna die alone anyway, why do I even try...” Your groan was muffled to the pile of clothes on your bed. Lia hisses at your sudden discouragement, she wakes up and launches a slap on your butt.

“Nuh-uh! You know how important this is to you, Y/N. You gotta try, or you’ll regret it forever!” Lia shakes you again, but you are still groaning against the clothes. Seeing how long this may drag and you still haven’t even done your hair, she has no choice but to drag you from bed until you are thrown on the floor with a loud bump.

“Ah! It hurts!”

“I know it hurts but you’ll be thanking me in the next five years when you are married to Seokjin and pregnant with his third kid.” 

“Now that’s just forward. And delusional. Seokjin is married to me? Seriously, like he even wants to deal with such a mess.” You pout while rubbing on your hurting elbow due to the unexpected fall. Even with such a small frame Lia cages animalistic power it’s unbelievable. “And I don’t even want to get married that fast! I still need to open my restaurant, I haven’t even met Liam Neeson, travel the world—”

“Wait-wait, hold on. Why Liam Neeson?”

“Because he is hot. Like real hot. Have you seen Narnia? That is one god-carved voice, damn! How I wish I could have a man with a voice like Liam. In Taken! He is so hot and protective and do you know that in Star Wars—”

Lia quickly shuts you by throwing a glittery dress to your face, disgust coloring her face. “That’s just borderline daddy kink and I hope you are well aware you are fucking weird.”

You grimace. “No argument here.”

*

9pm, and both you and Lia finally arrive at the large mansion which you recognize must be Hoseok’s. You check the text Jungkook sent this morning about the location’s address once again, quickly scrambling out of the car after muttering thanks to the driver to enter the huge, fancy house. Lia holds you by the waist, giving it a short squeeze of support seeing how jittery you have become since the taxi arrived. “It’s okay. You look beautiful, and Seokjin will be crazy not to see you.”

“Thanks.” You huff a breath, trying to muster a little bit confidence in your steps. It is half-working, you have to admit. 

It’s still early, yet the party is crazy enough you can’t even believe it. Every corner is busy with their own games and activities, the bass blaring in your ear until you’re this close to temporary deafness, and the outside of the house is a large outdoor pool with people laughing and girls with hot bod and bikinis. Just the perfect recipe of the best night everyone will regret—or maybe it’s just you.

You already had your fair share of parties, and you have to admit that it’s not your thing. The free booze, though? Tempting. You are trying to look at the better side of the whole ordeal. Even if you fall short and embarrass yourself in front of your crush, you get the eternal consolation of booze to help you kick the shame away. Nothing screams adult like pushing your problem away with the help of alcohol, right?

You check yourself against the reflection on the nearest mirror to you, restlessness creeping inside your head. Damn, you seriously are just a sack of old potatoes compared to these girls in clad dress and high stilettos which will surely be able to stab and kill someone. You should just pack it up and go home, really.

“Hey! I know that face, Y/N. No! We are not backing down. I did not just spend five hours of your whiny ass complaining what to wear for you to be this defeated without even trying!” Lia quickly pushes you away when you are about to run out the door for your life. You frown, ready to let out some whiny complaints when she pushes your unknowing ass away, right into someone’s arm.

From the countless people inside the freaking party you just had to fall to Seokjin’s arm. God must be joking. 

Looking straight into his beautiful, sparkling eyes, it seems like your mind is completely wiped like new, and you have the trouble of speaking your mind. His warm arms are around your shoulder, keeping you stable on your feet and this might be the nearest you have been to the taste of death.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I think you fell and I just caught you...” Seokjin smiles politely, eyes crinkled into a smile and you are still in the midst of inner conflict of speaking out anything. Out of realization how annoying your act must have been to him, you jumped feets away, desperate to keep a distance. You are really this close to running away, but do not want to be perceived like a total moron especially to him, so you let out a thin, nervous smile. 

“T—thank you for catching me.” You breathily murmur, feeling shy. How can someone not be? God, is he beautiful. His fluffy hair is styled nicely, he is wearing such a simple attire, a blue loose shirt and black denim but damn did he wear it like nobody’s business.

“No problem.” He lightly shakes his head, but a sudden realization comes to his mind as he inches closer to you, eyebrows scrunched together in question. You unconsciously lean further away from him, heart drumming fast in your chest. “I think I’ve seen you before. In my Taekwondo’s match. Right?!”

Never in a million years have you thought that Seokjin might notice—and even remember your face amongst the large crowd, watching him in his battles for your college’s team. You are always hidden, and as plain as ever whenever you watch him from the bleachers, and would run away the second whistle blows signaling the end of the competition. But now he told you he recognizes you?! Gosh, what are the odds. You have never felt so shameful and concious of your own skin before.

“Um… Yes! But you have nothing to worry, I’m not a stalker or anything, I just really like taekwondo and I like watching you—I mean the team!” You shyly correct yourself, internally punishing yourself for the accidental slip. You are such a humiliation and frankly, still too sober for this. What will you trade to forget the encounter never happened and drown yourself in booze in every form—drinks, beer, jelly shots, whatever.

“No! Of course not.” He chuckles, amused like he is really content to see you, nonchalant to how uncomfortable you are with your skin right now. You feel like a doofus, making a fool of yourself. “I really want to talk to you every time a match is finished, but you always bolt away after, I don’t have the chance to.” Then he dare to fucking winks. “But I’m glad we can finally meet here.” 

You are too confused with every act and word coming out of his mouth—did he just flirt with you?—so your reply is simple, and desperate. “Wow. Sorry, I seriously need a drink right now. Can you hold that thought?”

Seokjin chuckles and nods, his palm hovers over your back, guiding you. “I’ll come with you.” You don’t really know why he has to follow just for you to shortly grab a drink, and then he points to his empty glass. You nod knowingly, trying to focus on the booze bar you are heading to. The bar is crazy extravagant for a frat party, with the bartender pouring mixed drinks on the side. You silently gasp. Damn, Hoseok is really that rich, huh?

He continues with a cheeky smile. “I have been looking forward to talking to you since forever, and you just bolted out. Is it wrong of me to be scared you are going to pull the same trick again?”

Wow, you don’t even know what he means by that, so you let out a nervous chuckle as an answer. It is like you are back to third grade, having your first crush giving you hope by his words and you are busy configuring and overthinking everything like fucking detective conan. But you refuse to get your hopes up, your brain desperately screaming to fill your glass with your favorite whiskey. You offer him the bottle, and he smirks and receives it while purposefully brushing your hand in the process. Fuck Kim Seokjin. What happen to such a polite boy you heard so much about?!

“So, are you going to tell me about yourself?” He smiles, and your finger fidgets in nerve, quickly taking a whole gulp of the alcoholic drink, praying it to quickly intoxicate your mind so you can speak clearly in front of such handsome face. Well, for one booze is the best recipe for you during these times.

“I don’t know what you want to know about me, Seokjin. I’m just an ordinary freshman.” You smile, your teeth grazing your lower lips. But one thing you notice is that Seokjin is silent, his eyes following the movement of your bitten lips like he is completely bothered by it.

“Do you like taekwondo? I see you a lot in the match.” He starts with a simple question, while taking a large portion of his drink down his throat and ending it with a sigh. “When you were watching, you looked like you knew your stuff. It’s TMI, but I can’t help but to find it’s totally, totally hot.”

“So you are watching me watching people during a Taekwondo match?” You bravely shoot, and Seokjin let out a chuckle. You do not know what has gotten on him—or you, even at that point. What you know is that you feel your head is light, but your body is hot and bothered by just looking at him. Seokjin just literally flirts on you and all you wanna do is to jump on him and quench the thirst rubbing in the middle of your thigh.

At the time, you notice that Seokjin is bluntly staring at your lips, his eyes turned dark and heavy with lust, and his face literally inching closer and closer to you. You lick your lips, suddenly finding it hard to swallow. Is it really going to happen? Seokjin somehow, against all odds, finds you hot and that's it—you’re going to kiss him like that? Just how many years of luck do you have to sacrifice for this?

“Seokjin! Here you are. Hoseok is looking for you.”

The strange sexual tension that filled the air between you and Seokjin with your lips just inches away from each other is broken by the dumbest fuck of a best friend, Jeon Jungkook. Seokjin immediately flinches, moving away and you instinctively turn your head, your hands scratching your nape out of shyness. You swear you are going to kill your best friend after this. How dare he interrupt the moment you have been dreaming for such a long time now?!

“Thanks for that, man.” Seokjin hisses, his words dripping with sarcasm and annoyance of your interrupted session. He turns his regretful eyes to you, hands resting on your shoulder, sliding to your wrist affectionately. You do not know whether it’s just you, but your body feels like it is set on fire with his light , feathery touches. He suddenly grabs your hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“I’ll find you later, yeah? Don’t go anywhere.”

You shyly nod, and Seokjin turns his back on both of you and walks further away to the other side of the gigantic house. After his disappearance, you quickly land a hard punch on Jungkook’s arm in agitation.

“You are fucking idiot and I hate you! How dare you interrupt us like that?! We were just about to kiss, you moron!”

Jungkook frowns, rubbing on the spot you just hit. “Hey! I am doing this for your own good. You are certainly going to regret kissing that guy! He is not that good, you’re better off without him.”

You hisses at his lackluster explanation. “I don’t know what crack you are sniffing, Jeon, but you just told me yesterday to attend this party and bone him. And now you’re pulling this shit?!” 

“I know! But I just don’t like it with him. I feel like he’s up to something.” You sigh after listening to his nonsense. Seriously, you can’t believe it. The first time you ever try to flirt and kiss someone you just met, and get a response—from Kim Seokjin, more to emphasize—at a party has to be interrupted by your fuckboy best friend. You have overestimated your luck.

At your sudden silence, Jungkook takes the time to raise his gaze and take in your appearance from head to toe. You are wearing your black sleeveless bodycon dress, the one you once drunkenly bought a year ago and always have been placed on the back of your closet. You compliment your dress with a pair of red heels, fresh from Lia’s closet. Your wavy hair is styled nicely, tied up that exhibits your neck line to the slightest of your collarbone. Your makeup is rather simple, but the red lips is just the perfect end-touch to your appearance today. You are simply beautiful.

“Why are you looking at me like that, you hobo?” You snort when feeling Jungkook’s gaze is too intimidating around your body—you fold your arms protectively on your chest. At your mocking question, Jungkook quickly throws his head somewhere else, sniffling his itchy nose. He seriously needs to catch himself before he erupts and makes a fool out of himself. But one he somehow forgets is that his body is way, way more truthful in speaking his mind than he really is. 

“Hey! How was it? Have you scored Seokjin yet?”

On your side, Lia shuffles with a bottle of beer and a knowing smirk. You sigh, shaking your head mournfully. Your wingman nearly yells.

“Why?! I voluntarily shove you too, back then! I saw you guys are chilling together so I decided to grab something for a sec and now you’re telling me he’s gone and you both did nothing?!”

To answer her question, you just vehemently point Jungkook. “This asshole decided to ruin everything. Just when it is about to happen, Lia! His lips were this close.” You mourn your lost chance, mimicking his lips hovering over yours. Jungkook quickly pushes your hand away from your lips with annoyance, eyebrows scrunched together in disgust. 

“You are creepy, and I am doing this for the sake of my frat brother. He is better off with someone else.” He pouts, his face looking severely annoyed and red. But it’s not just any kind of red. It’s vermillion, just the way you remember it from your elementary school, along with the childish pout on his lips. Ignoring your previous anger at him, you scrutinize his face closely and shift his face side by side with your palm, and he looks completely flustered. What in god’s name is happening?

“Hey, why are you so red, Jungkook? Are you okay?”

At the sudden attention thrown at him, Jungkook’s face just becomes even redder—if it is even possible. Realizing that he is in a very unfortunate situation at the moment, Jungkook quickly racks his brain for any reason to avoid your pesky questions. “I—I just think it’s too hot in here. Don’t you think so?”

“There’s literally four air conditioners in this room, Jungkook. It’s freezing cold in this place. Who the fuck has four ac in just a living room anyway? Damn you, capitalism!” You hissed, unamused with his lies. Jungkook grins, realizing how idiotic he must have sounded. At your last statement, you are suddenly self-conscious about the coldness in the room, rubbing your bare arms to create friction and warmth. He quickly notices your subtle gesture.

“Are you cold? Here, use my jacket.” Jungkook instinctively offers, not even waiting for your answer and unattaching the fabric of his body. At the kind gesture, you are touched as he seems to always understand you without you even need to say a thing. But when you see he is just wearing a body-fit black shirt underneath the denim jacket he was wearing—clearly, that jacket is going to go either way—you immediately snort. That bitch is just asking for an opportunity to flex the unnecessary muscle in front of the girls there, no need for you to feel flattered whatsoever.

“God, you’re both so fuckin domestic and boring. I’m off finding fun somewhere else, don’t wait for me~” Lia coos, walking to the other side of the house along with her bottle of beer. Well, Lia basically knows her ways in and out of frat parties, so you are not worried for her. If somehow Seokjin does not find his way back in thirty minutes, you promise yourself to hitch an uber as fast as you can and bolt out of that shitshow without making a scene. 

As the girl who somehow looks exactly like his ex exits their space, Jungkook reverts his focus back on you. You are busy looking anywhere else but him, your lips clamp on the glass to sip on the beverage. “Aren’t you tired with those heels? Let’s sit somewhere else.” He offers lowly.

You comply either way, somehow feeling a little bit suspicious over Jungkook’s sudden calm demeanor. You know him and how he is at parties. He should not be with you right now, instead joining his dumb jock friends and the girls at the other side playing body shots. This is borderline weird—you don’t want to interrupt him during his fuckboy activities, now both you and Jungkook are seated on the sofa in the corner of the room. 

“Are you okay, Jungkook? You are suspiciously silent.”

Jungkook clears his throat again, but all of a sudden loses all remaining composure when your finger delightfully skims his cheek. “And your face is red. There must be something wrong. The last time I saw you like this was—”

Jungkook knows what you are about to say but decided not to. He decided to ignore your suddenly awkward gesture and answers. “It’s not that, I—I’m just not feeling it tonight.”

You suddenly scoop his fingers and squeeze it lightly. “Is it because I am here? I swear Jungkook, you don’t have to accompany me. I’m perfectly fine on my own, you know it.”

“I want to accompany you.” Jungkook denies, not knowing how to speak his mind in any other way. His gaze is filled with unexpected sincerity, you don’t really know how and why. “I attend these parties, meet these people nearly everyday, Y/N. But they don’t have what we have. And now that you here, of course I would rather be with you.”

You don’t know whether it is the alcohol in your spine or the bass thumping likely on your heart, but you clearly feel something about the words. You feel important. You feel needed. And the way Jungkook looks at you right now? You feel like it’s somehow filled with new, raw emotions you never found on him before. The way his fingers are clasped on you—it’s like he is holding it for dear life. You can not deny that you are mildly confused by the sudden tension between you and Jungkook.

“Here you are, Y/N. I’ve been searching for you.” 

Seokjin is now standing in front of you and Jungkook, his eyes silently trailing on the fingers intertwined with you and your best friend, but refusing to comment. Realizing how awkward the moment must have been for the three of you, you swiftly jump on your feet, cheeks slightly reddening out of shyness while Seokjin still maintains the charming smile on his lips. “Can I take you somewhere else? This party is too loud. Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

“Mmm.. Okay.” You mutter, trying your best not to glance at Jungkook. You want to avoid adding more fuel to the awkwardness—well, you are too emotionally incapable to face whatever emotion you were having with Jungkook just now. He is just a thoughtful best friend, why are you even dwelling on it like it’s something new in your friendship? And being the coward you truly are, you answer the offer of Seokjin’s hand, following him to the outside without glancing even once at Jungkook. Even if all you can think about is him and what the hell just happened.

*

It’s been nearly two weeks, but you have yet to receive any message, or call, or anything from Jungkook. It’s not his fault, though—you could have started a conversation yourself, but you always find yourself hesitating while typing words on your screen. Maybe it’s because Jungkook has mostly been the one to start any conversation, and now nearly two weeks has passed since your last encounter and you have no idea how to start. Idiot.

You are still lounging in your bed, mustering yourself to be brave enough to say anything to Jungkook. When suddenly a message arrives, you are startled, swiftly clicking it open. But seeing the sender, you sigh in disappointment. It’s not Jungkook.

From : Seokjin

Hey, you are coming to the practice, right? [12:40]

Do you want to grab a bite after that? I have this coupon I need to use:) [12:41]

Ah, Seokjin. Since that fateful night in the party, you have been frequently hanging out with him. He is a senior in your department—he is even the assistant for some of your classes—so you do meet frequently. It is weird now that you are acquainted with him, he is everywhere, like literally everywhere. Especially because after that night, he asks you to join the taekwondo club based on your interest and previous experience. And who are you to reject? You like Taekwondo, and you like him. Talking about killing two birds with one stone, right?

But now you feel on the edge nearly all the time because your fuckboy best friend is missing in action. You want to tell him everything, but you feel like you have sinned him greatly for ditching him that night. It’s even hard to find out why! All you know that he might just find another girl to fuck with that night, and both of you know that the only thing in first that invite you to the party is because Seokjin is there—even Jungkook propose you to bone him! You seriously hate yourself for feeling this way.

“Jungkook, you are a complete moron!” You hiss, throw the phone to the desk and dip your face to the pillow.

Okay, new plan. It’s better for you to just meet and confront him directly. So tomorrow after class, you are going to meet him after his 8am, and just point and blame him for ghosting your friendship. Well, he is not ghosting, but that’s not the point! It’s a brilliant plan, yet you find yourself strangely terrified for what is about to happen.

*

Tomorrow morning, you are going to ask Lia to walk to class together, yet you find she is already missing, bed is made and cleaned. It’s weird to see her wake up so early since she is absolutely not a morning person, but you shrug it anyway, expecting to see her in class. Still, even after the professor arrives, you find her regular place beside you is empty. You send her a message, but it is met with no reply. Skipping class is not really rare in her case, so you just silently attend, mind filled with the plan you will execute later on.

After class, as previously planned, you directly head to Jungkook’s faculty. You can remember it vividly, Jungkook’s class for the morning is always running late due to his old as hell professor, who talks extremely slowly and loves to discuss anything but the topic he is supposed to teach, hence your plan. You are going to wait in front of his class, supposedly asking to grab brunch together before accusing him for ignoring you altogether.

But then, what you find while walking on the bridge connecting the two faculties catch you by surprise. It is Lia, talking to a man who's back you easily identify as Jungkook—you can detect those small waist everywhere, hidden cladly in a slim fit dress shirt. Both of them are engaged in serious talk, with Jungkook’s face a little bit tense and Lia’s face looking like she completely had enough.

Lia? And Jungkook? Your eyes must be deceiving you right now.

With all will, you march onto them, and even the fact that they are talking, just the two of them without you is weird enough, they don’t even realize your presence until you are tapping on Jungkook’s shoulder with a suspecting gaze. The moment he finds you, he unconsciously jumps a few steps back with a loud gasp, exactly like whenever he has been caught doing something bad. “Y/N! You’re here!”

“Yes. I was just about to catch you after your class, Jungkook, maybe we can grab a bite together.” The moment you let out those words, you heard Lia snickers and Jungkook immediately throws her a look. 

“Finally. You both should eat together! and I don’t know—maybe be truthful at each other? or anything, I don’t care. I’m out of here.” She walks out, not minding your voice calling out to her. You seriously have zero idea what she means, but Jungkook quickly places his hands on both your shoulders—desperate for your focus, his cheeks now colored in bright shade of red.

“Don’t mind her. Let’s go eat.”

You stop your track against Jungkook’s force of pulling you away, scrutinizing his face closer with a worried gaze. “Jungkook, you are acting weird. And you are sooo red. Are you sure you are okay?”

Jungkook hastily nods, pulling you to the place you both usually grab coffee at, not really far from his faculty. On the way, both of you still fall in silence, and one thing your eyes could focus on is his fingers, tightly intertwined on yours—the same gesture he has been doing for around ten years now. 

Is it weird that now you definitely do not feel nothing from just holding his hands?

*

Both of you are seated on your usual spot—near the window inside the coffee shop, right after ordering. “So. Are you going to tell me where you have been these past two weeks?” You questions, sipping on your usual choice of espresso. Jungkook grimaces, his fingers clasping against each other nervously. Not that he expects you to beat around the bush.

“I am just kinda busy. With practice and studying.” He silently answers, eyes still not looking anywhere else but you. And what kind of best friend are you not to notice that?

You nod cryptically, decide against pushing it.  Even though skeptic, what he said does seems plausible. “So, what’s up?’

“Just the regular.”

Your left eyebrows raise. “No news on your fuckboy conquest of one night stands?”

Jungkook eyebrows scrunched. “You’re disgusting.”

You are baffled at that. “What?! I am disgusting? Jungkook, you have been explicitly telling me stories about these girls you sleep with for already two years now. What are you, playing coy?“

Jungkook sighs tiredly. Instead of answering, he reaches for your glass of espresso, sipping it before wincing due to the bitterness—like a fucking moron doing his usual thing. It seems already too familiar, so you just shrug it and focus on the initial topic instead. “I just… I haven’t been sleeping with anyone these past two weeks, okay?”

You send him a cryptic look, and Jungkook complains in frustration. “I am not lying! I am not an animal, okay? I am tired sometimes, and I am allowed to not do that anymore.”

“Jungkook, there is no way you are not going to parties and not sleeping with these girls. You have been doing these for two years. What gives?” You push, as you know there must be something he is hiding from you. Jungkook sighs, looking at you with a gaze filled with strange emotions.

“I—I haven’t been to parties too. Look, I am just not feeling it, okay? I just.. I just needed a break.”

Looking at Jungkook, it is difficult to even imagine him not doing all his usual popular jock activities. And now he told you he hasn’t been to parties for two weeks? It’s really unlike him. He hasn’t missed a single party for these past two years since high school to the point you have a hard time remembering what he used to do on Friday nights. Something must have happened, that’s for certain.

“Do you want to tell me why?” You ask him carefully, your fingers reaching out to his. He looks up at you, something in his face tells you that something indeed has happened. And suddenly, your mind flashes to the event that just occurred. Could it be?

“Does it have anything to do with Lia? This morning, when you met her?”

Jungkook’s eyes bulge, his hands are harshly pulled to his lap, away from you. You can detect his chest pumped, heaving too much air in, eyes nervously scanning away. Too many reactions for a mere ‘nothing happened’. “I—I don’t know? What do you mean?”

“It’s weird! You were literally avoiding her before, Jungkook. But then I saw you meeting her alone. What happened? Tell me.” You persuade, determine to get to the end of it. But the answer you are given is only a nervous shake of head, with shade of red slowly creeping in his face. Another trait that you know from Jungkook, is his inability to hide his feelings—at least in front of you.

Due to his prolonged silence for his orders arrival, you silently guess what might have happened with him. A flash of unpleasant image enters your head and you wince internally. God, please don’t let it be true. You even have a hard time to spell those words. 

“Jungkook, please tell me you didn’t sleep with her.”

Jungkook’s face is flushed in a bright shade of red, as he shakes his head vigorously. “You are crazy. I did not sleep with your best friend.”

A sense of relief washes you. “So tell me what it is! What is it that you can’t possibly tell me? It must be it, or do you expect me to believe you somehow have feelings for her?!” You mindlessly intrude, but now seeing Jungkook’s face is vermillion red and how silent he is for a few seconds after the accusation, you can’t even believe there is a chance it might be true.

You hesitantly approach, voice caught up midways. “You… do you have feelings for Lia?”

Jungkook stares back at you, and you can see a hint of sadness on his eyes. Internally, he is terribly conflicted. He doesn’t know what he can say to you. He already has the answer to your query on the tip of his tongue, clearer than anything else but he cannot do that. It would be unfair to everyone, especially you. 

In life, Jungkook believes he is a risk taker—he is taught that way, ever since he was a little kid. Risk is what makes life even better and interesting. But how can he gamble with what you both have right now? He could never take that risk for what you have right now with him. It’s too much in stake—a game not worthy to play, and he knows his chances like the back of his hand. So he forces a smile, mustering all his might to say something that he is well aware does not reflect what he is truly feeling.

“I—I think so..”

Listening to his answer, you nod slowly, not knowing exactly how you feel. You are happy for him—for Jungkook to finally find someone he likes, someone who can get him off the meaningless sex routine he has been accustomed to for awhile now. And truth to be told? Lia is one of the best girls you ever acquaintanced with. If one thing you can ever count on, is that both of your best friends are great people that somehow grealy deserve each other. Lia is pretty, smart, fun to talk and party with, and allegedly good at sex—you don’t really now, it’s just what she claims to be—and Jungkook is the kindest soul out there—even if he is a certified douchebag once in a while—but they really fit each other well.

But is it disappointment in the pit of your stomach?

Noticing how silent you have become, Jungkook quickly takes the opportunity and changes the topic he instantly regrets. “So, how are things with Seokjin? I hear you both are hitting it well.”

Your throat feels constricted, so you clear it, hoping your stupefiedness is unrecognizable. “Yup. He is a good guy. I am now in the Taekwondo club as well, so… yeah I’ve been seeing him a lot too.”

“I am glad you finally got into the club! I remember how much of a pain you are, always go on and on talking about Taekwondo.” He rigidly smiles, eyes still trained on the dish served in front of him, cutting it in pieces. God, he is seriously digging his own grave with this fake supportive best friend shit.

“Yeah, whose fault is it that I got off Taekwondo in the first place, huh?”

Jungkook sighs, resting his utensils on the plate. He is aware of it very well, he knows what a fucking coward he has been since little, which may had forced you giving up on taekwondo—something you really loved. You can’t even imagine how guilty he is about everything. You have been the one thing keeping him sane, yet he always thinks himself on the recipient side of the friendship. And the midst of his current vulnerable state, he feels greatly undeserving of you. Who is he kidding? You might even regret saving him from humiliation on that fateful day, ten years ago.

Sensing that your joke may have not been taken well by Jungkook, you reach out to him, placing your palm on his, trying to soothe the indignation palpable on his face. “Jungkook, I am sorry.. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.. I know. It’s okay.” Jungkook answers, lips pursed into a tight line. You can see that he is indeed piqued, and truthfully, it is your fault. He always blames himself for the time he felt you sacrificed so much for him—like Taekwondo, for example. You convince him that it is not his fault since you can always go back to Taekwondo again—you just choose not to, but he always blames himself, thinking of the what ifs. You should not have brought it up and joked about it.

The silence then ensues, the tension between you and him thickens like you can slice it and choke it down your throat. You were about to apologize again, right when your phone rings and displays Seokjin’s name on the screen .Jungkook definitely saw the name too himself. You are hesitating whether to answer or not, before Jungkook answers it for you rigidly, jaw clenched tight. 

“Answer it.” 

When you are in the middle of conversation with Seokjin—and unimportant one, Jin is just asking what are you doing because he is bored in the middle of intensive taekwondo training, so you just casually tell him about grabbing a brunch with Jungkook—your best friend quickly flips few bills from his wallet, raising up from his seat. You swiftly hold him back, cutting off the ongoing call without even saying goodbyes. “Jungkook, where are you going?”

“I guess you must be somewhere with Seokjin, right? Let’s go, don’t want to keep the handsome boy waiting.”

The way Jungkook pronounces every word is heavy with sarcasm, and it wounds you. Is he seriously telling you that you are going to ditch him for Seokjin? Dry tears are lounging on the corner of your eyes till your visions are blurry, and it is hard to even breathe. How dare he play that game to you? Does he really think he has any right to treat you like that?

Jungkook must have noticed your contorted face and inevitable tears, and he is quick to apologize. “I am sorry, I didn't mean it like—”

“Save it.” You curtly cut him, slapping a few bills on the table. “It’s my turn to pay now. And you are correct. Thank you for that, I will find that handsome boy right now.”

If Jungkook calls you again, you are unable to hear it. Too pissed off to even breathe, your head feels like it’s about to explode along with tears that are quick to rain on your parade.

*

After you storm off the brunch with Jungkook, your afternoon class is fortunately cancelled. Instead of going with your words and meeting Seokjin, you decide you are too emotionally exhausted and head back home. So here you are, chilling in your apartment alone, watching netflix and eating popcorn after completing a long nap of five hours straight. Your phone is far ducked inside your room, as you notice Jungkook has blown off your phone for quite a while now, and you are this close to answer it so you throw it away. That bastard definitely deserves a lesson for pulling an unfunny passive aggressive prank like that.

While you are in the middle of refilling your bowl for the second batch of popcorn, your apartment door is swung opened. It is Lia, with a huge triumphant smile on her face. “Look what I brought us!”

You don’t even know the reason why, the moment you are looking at Lia’s face, you immediately remember Jungkook’s claim that he has feelings for this girl. For your best friend. For a girl who looks exactly like his ex. Damn, did you really sound that bitter?

“What is it?” You fake enthusiasm, even if what you really want to do is sigh and roll your eyes. 

“Chicken and beer! Not just chicken, this is the exact brand and flavor you like! I think since we rarely hang out nowadays, tonight we can watch bad movies together and eat and drink unhealthy food and drinks we probably will regret in the morning!” She cheerfully shouts, resting the packages of food on the table, running to her room to change into comfy clothes.

You bite your lips, regretting how undeserved she is for your cynical thoughts. You are greatly touched by her mindful gesture. Albeit harsh and sometimes cold, Lia is really affectionate at times, kind and selfless to her friends, especially you. You can’t even count how much she helped you, saving you from an embarrassment or humiliation due your sloppy and forgetful trait. The mind is indeed a dangerous place, and you should limit any possible toxicity that might be planted and grow in it.

So you and Lia jump to watch some chick flick which she always denies to like, but somehow always in tears after. One thing that you might not realize is that you often find yourself staring at her, thinking about how easy it is to like her. She is really the dream girl. Pretty, strong, funny and independent. She’s basically perfect. You even doubt Jungkook deserves her, seriously.

“Honey, another look and I think I might just go gay for you.” Lia sighs, resting the chicken drumstick on the plate. You avert your eyes on the TV, shy of being caught staring. “What is it? Are you falling for me? I swear—”

“No, I just.. Nothing.”

You are silent, busy gulping the beer to hide how flustered you are right now. Damn, are you really that obvious? “There must be something. Y/N, I will not push, but you know you can tell me everything. Nothing will surprise me, seriously.”

You nod, throwing your attention back to the movie. But not even five minutes, the curiosity gets the best of you, so you decide to mum a question to her. 

“Lia, what do you think about Jungkook?”

You kind of wish she does not hear you, but it is instantly cancelled since she answers. Yup, she can hear your silly question, loud and clear.

“Jungkook? He is hot, good looking and kind. A little dumb and blabber a little bit too much, but I think it’s manageable.” She nonchalantly answers, suddenly her prodding eyes are thrown at you. “Where does this suspicious question come from?”

“Nothing! I just want to know what you think of him.” You bitterly smile. Yes, definitely that and only that.

Another ten minutes pass and you open another question, still full of hesitation whether it’s best to ask or just keep it to yourself, yet it’s literally killing you so you ask anyway. “Hypothetically speaking. If… I don’t know, Jungkook confesses to you he likes you. Would you accept it?”

Lia looks at you strangely — like you have grown another head, when her face suddenly brightens, an imaginary light bulb practically pictured on her head. A sleazy smile is worn on her lips, her eyebrows wiggling playfully. “Ah! So that is about all this. Finally!”

“Of course! Jungkook is a nice guy, he is kind, respectful, albeit a little annoying and dumb, he is hot, which kinda makes it even. He listens well, and strangely gives good advice.” Lia brightly smiles, literally like the woman who endorses cooking items in the supermarket to middle aged mothers. “I think anyone having a monogamous relationship with that manchild is very, very lucky!”

You do notice how exaggerated and odd her sentence is, but when you are about to reply, few soft knocks are heard on your door. So keeping the words back, you wake up and mindlessly open it.

Well, It turns out to be Seokjin, and he could arguably be the last person you think would be standing in front of your doorstep now.

“Seokjin? What are you doing here, at this time of the night?”

Seokjin answers with a serene smile, his eyes sparkling amidst the dim hallway. “I am sorry to be at your doorstep this late. I just… I just want to talk to you. Is that weird?”

Your heart literally skips a beat at that. Seriously? Seokjin comes to your apartment at 10pm just to talk to you? Is this even real? “You can’t just call me? Not that I’m not glad to see you, but I don’t want to tire you. You just finished your crazy tiring training!”

“I’ve been trying to contact you, but I went into voicemail. So I guess, more reason to meet you, right?” Seokjin shyly smiles, scratching his nape. God, have you ever mentioned that he is really cute? “I hope I’m not a bother.”

“No! Of course not. But my roommate is here. Do you want to go somewhere else? I think one restaurant near here is still open.” You quickly offer and Seokjin agrees with a nod. You are hurriedly about to grab your purse, when Lia walks out to the doorstep, meeting Seokjin.

“Hi! You must be the roommate. I’m Seokjin.” Seokjin offers a hand along with a charming smile. Lia receives it with confusion written on her face. 

“Are you both going somewhere?” She asks, puzzled. You slightly run to the door, hoping there is nothing to be discussed amongst the three of you anymore.

“Yes! We are. I’ll be back soon, see you!” You quickly smile and close the door right on her face. Damn, you don’t know what has gotten into you, but you really can’t seem to shake that cautious feeling. It really needs time before you even consider letting Seokjin hang out with your nosy friends. Like Lia, or even Jungkook.

Especially Jungkook.

*

Jungkook is sitting with Taehyung, his project mate on the corner of a restaurant near your apartment. He has been trying to contact you since afternoon but you still haven’t replied to his call nor messages, it makes him feel guilty beyond words. He shouldn’t have snapped like that at you, you literally did nothing and he blew everything way out of proportion—especially when that dickhead Seokjin called you. And now he is nearly losing his mind, because he doesn’t want to spend another minute in your probable wrath. How can everything be so messed up?

“Dude, stop calling her. She’ll call you soon. Why is this such a big deal?” Taehyung groans when Jungkook relentlessly dial your number once more. He doesn’t even know why, but another call you ignore, he might combust and run to your apartment, begging for reconciliation. He is seriously just that desperate.

The call fails, yet Jungkook is still tapping on the call again button when Taehyung meddles in his pathetic best friend obsession. “Hey, stop! Why are you doing this, dude? You like this girl or what?” 

At Taehyung’s accusation, Jungkook was silent. “I don’t know. But I can’t stop, Tae. Or I’ll go crazy.”

Taehyung sighs, giving up and instead going back to his work. As long as the tasks are divided, he would not be bothered by his friend’s crazy fixation towards a so-called-friend. Seriously, why do people even want to monogamously date? It’s such a hassle, and unimportant. Girlfriends are liabilities, and Jungkook of all people should know it!

After being rejected for another three calls, Jungkook finally gives up, slamming the phone on the desk. “I give up. She’ll never answer. Fuck it, I need to work.”

Taehyung glances at that guy trying to focus on the task in front of him. Everyone can see how out of place he is—if there’s a guarantee Jungkook will not land a punch to his precious face, he really wants to tease him right now it is hilarious. Damn, his friend is whipped.

Amongst the silence, Jungkook’s phone suddenly rings. Throwing the thousand page book in his grasps right away, he answers it like a madman—probably without even checking the caller. It must not be the girl of his dreams, since his hopeful puppy face instantly sombers.

“Of course not! How can I, we just got into a fight.”

After listening to the faint caller’s word, his knuckles intimidatingly whiten due, jaw tightening. “Seriously? They are leaving now?”

A few banter and the call ends, but Taehyung can see how bothered the guy is after the call. He is no longer bothered to even pretend he is working, instead his eyes hollow, zooming out to nothingness. But another five minutes, a slight tingling from the entrance bell is heard and Jungkook feels like his heart is about to fall out he instinctively ducks his head. Taehyung tries to steal a look to the source of attention, and it’s you, the girl he has seen a lot previously with Jungkook and Seokjin… Together while holding hands.

Oh, oh. This is bad.

Jungkook really should just storm out. He is never the masochist type, but somehow curiosity gets the best of him so he stays, his work is completely ignored. He focuses on glaring to the other side of the restaurant where you and Seokjin sit near the window, nonchalant to his presence while lively and affectionately talking to each other. And for fuck sake, can fucking Seokjin get his hands off you? It takes everything in his power to ignore the need to slap those dirty paws away.

“Jungkook, we should go..” Taehyung silently pleads, noticing how tense his friend has become since you and Seokjin arrived. But Jungkook is unable to hear or sense anything, was too focused on probing both of you while trying not to be caught.

It is a rather short meal, as you and Seokjin only ordered a dessert to share and Jungkook is irritated. You finished a bowl of ice cream in one sitting and you can’t seriously get a dessert for your own? Disgusting—After approximately thirty minutes, you and Seokjin head out, hand by hand with a sickeningly shy smile on both of your faces.

Jungkook thinks that is the end of it, thank God he can finally breathe. But how wrong he was to even think he will remain unscathed, because as both of you stand in front of the restaurant, Seokjin bravely pulls you closer by the nape and crashes his lips on yours. It feels like a punch to Jungkook’s gut, seeing how blissful both of you are engaged in a sweet kiss, your hands on his cheek and his hands clasped on your waist. There’s the anger, the jealousy raging inside Jungkook’s chest at the moment that it’s even difficult to breathe. 

As now both of you and Seokjin have left the scene, Taehyung forces himself from the tense situation to steal a glance at Jungkook. Just seeing him—staring at the ceiling with no expression whatsoever—radiates the devastation and frustration he is currently experiencing. God, Taehyung hopes he will never have to experience that kind of emotion in his life.

*

During ten years of friendship with Jungkook, you never knew what it feels to have him avoid you. But now that you are exactly being treated like a plague by him, you wish you were warned beforehand because it fucking hurts. And you have no idea how or why, and you have no one to console your loss — not even Seokjin, or Lia. Well it mostly because you don’t want them to realize how fucking dependent you are to Jungkook, it’s pathetic.

“Kitten, you are spazzing out. Are you sure you are okay?”

Seokjin’s words are nearly lost on you, and the moment his hand is on yours, you unconsciously flinch. He is now examining you, with a gaze full of worry. 

“If you are feeling not okay, we can just go home.” Seokjin kindly offers, but you shake your head fervently, not wanting to wallow again in your sadness. You can’t take this away from Seokjin, when it’s his dearest fellow frat brothers—especially the seniors who are having the party. Seokjin as the angel he is will not let you be alone in your apartment.

Since the day you meet Jungkook for brunch, a week has passed and it seems like you and him are in the middle of a cold war. It’s not like you are not speaking to each other, but every word coming from him speaks distance and you are tired and just stop trying—yet it doesn’t lessen the pain. And now you are going with Seokjin for his frat party, and you know Jungkook will be there—it might be the reason you are simultaneously eager and despise going to the party. You are terribly anxious about facing him, but you can’t back down when you know you did nothing wrong.

In front of the frat house, Seokjin holds your hand and brushes his lips to your temple as an encouragement. “Let’s go in, shall we?”

You throw your gaze at Seokjin’s side profile. Seriously, what did you do to deserve him? He is seriously the kindest soul out there, always looking for your best interest. He never hesitates to go big for you, yet you can help but to feel guilty. He is too kind. Too perfect. And you can’t shake this feeling of undeserving and owning him everything to him.

The moment your feet step into the party, your eyes instantly fall to someone so familiar yet so strange—Jungkook. He is leaning on a sofa, talking animatedly with two girls on either side, leeching to him like they are willing to take turns to suck him dry. You roll your eyes in disgust. What were you expecting? That Jungkook might go celibate and seriously get a grip on his life? You must be drunk. That bastard can’t even face the fact that he likes someone and actually does something about it.

Yes. He likes Lia. But being a total fuckboy is not what someone should do when he seriously likes someone, right? You just want the best for him, not wanting Jungkook to waste another time when he can have someone he truly likes instead of engaging in another one night stand.

While Seokjin is chatting with his group of friends, you excuse yourself to grab a drink. He, as the gentleman he is, offers to accompany you, but you refuse—mentioning it will only take a short while. And after finally settling in the kitchen where you can finally have a space for your own, you heave few deep breaths. You do not know exactly why, but being surrounded among strangers always sends you to a nervous bundle. 

That’s exactly the reason why you always avoid going to parties. You wanted to tell Seokjin about the anxiety you feel, but you feel like it’s too much of a burden to throw on him so you just swallow everything and hope for the best—but now you regret everything. At least previously, you have Lia and you are assured she is going to take care of you. Not that you don’t think Seokjin will not, but the trust issue you have for nearly everyone is not going to go away when you literally only know him for one freaking month.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Suddenly, a familiar voice is heard and you look behind, seeing Jungkook with a worried gaze, his palm soothing your back. “You don’t really look good. Does the party bother you?”

You bask in his appearance, and sense the anxiety building up inside your head crashes into a loud sob. Seeing such a familiar face, worried about your well-being somehow instantly relieves you, and the emotion is excessive and you inevitably feel the urge to cry. 

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry.” Jungkook whispers, pulling you inside his arms and enveloping you with the ever-so-familiar warmth. His fingers forming circles in your back, just the way he used to calm you on every rainy day, while you clutch into his jacket for dear life. 

“Why do you even come here, you idiot? You should have let me know.”

His ignorant statement somehow flares the anger inside you, and you irritatedly push him away with both your palms. Jungkook is a jerk, and you do not deserve any of this. “How can I let you know, Jungkook? When it’s crystal clear you are avoiding me. I haven’t heard anything other than your one two word messages. I can’t even call you!” 

The guilt is definitely painted on his face, confirming a guess that has been going around your head. He truly was avoiding you. “I—I don’t mean it like that…”

“What wrong did I do, Jungkook? How can you do this to me?” You whimper sadly. All the frustration inside you is coming out. “I know I was wrong, but this is not how we resolve things, Jungkook. You know it. And you can’t even tell me what’s wrong directly to my face, or even try to reconcile our friendship, instead you go back to partying, eye fucking two girls at the same time when I’m standing right here. Do you even know how it makes me feel?”

“It’s not that!” Jungkook defends himself, feeling the obnoxious guilt seeping inside his heart. He feels at fault now seeing how heartbroken you look, and the fact that he is the one causing them. It’s like he is finally awoken, that he has been selfishly trying to redeem himself from a one-sided love for his childhood best friend without thinking about how you feel. But in his defense, he thought you would be okay! 

“I...I just thought now that you have Seokjin, you won’t be needing me no more. He seems to be such a better companion than I am. And I know you like him so much, Y/N, I feel like...”

“Hey. Are you okay?” 

All of a sudden, Seokjin appears in the kitchen, staring at both you and Jungkook standing in front of each other with somber looks on each of your faces. He definitely was about to say something, but like he sobers up and puts up a thin smile and reaches out to you. “You take a long time to get a drink, so I thought I should check up on you.”

You quickly grab the nearest bottle of beer, giving a short, civilized smile to Jungkook to handle the pain throbbing inside his chest. You desperately need space away from him, swearing that you would do anything to avoid breakdown in the middle of a frat party filled with tons of strangers. “Excuse me.”

“Hey, Seokjin! Get your girl, we are going to play!”

That trademark voice was definitely Hoseok’s, gesturing you to join the circle of group with countless shots in the center—which is literally a recipe for a disastrous night. Seokjin is about to wave him off, intending to focus on your well being instead, but that is seriously the last thing you want to do right now. All you need is alcohol—lots of them and avoid whatever internal conflict you are having since that’s what you do best. Hence, you pull the older guy closer to the group cheering them on, forcing him to sit down beside you. 

“Hey, we don’t have to do this if you are not comfortable.” Seokjin consoles, his hands smoothing on your thigh. 

“But I want to!” You fake a cheer, pretending to sound enthusiastic. “I haven’t done this in a long time. I wanna do this again.”

Jimin—one of the other frat brothers, is counting the people and after clicks his tongue in dissatisfaction. “We need one more. Hey, Jungkook, come here!”

You quickly snap your head towards your so-called best friend, who just came out from the kitchen from your previous unpleasant encounter. Just a glance and you can see how messed up he looks right now. Jungkook seriously was about to flip Jimin off, instead wallowing himself in sadness and regret. But seeing you sitting in the circle, he gets no other choice but to accept the offer. All that he can think about is the annoying frat buddies of his who might force you to do the things you despise, along with your occasional social anxiety that might ruin everything for you. He will never forget himself if they happen without him there, when he had the opportunity to. He’ll do it, regardless of your current distaste for him.

“Okay! So we are going to play Never Have I Ever!” Jimin shouts, and your stomach dips in nerves. God, are you seriously going to do it? But then you feel a certain concerned stare is directed towards you, and your pride forces you to act nonchalant. You are not going to let Jungkook think he needs to babysit you again. The previous thing in the kitchen is humiliating enough, you don’t need another second. 

“It’s the usual. if you have done it before, drink a shot! Don’t worry, we have abundant alcohol supply and our dearest freshmen right here, kindly volunteer to refill the glasses.” You emphatically look amongst the fellow freshmen, standing outside the circle with bottles of alcohol in their hands. God, this reminds you why frat people are seriously the worst.

“I’ll start! Okay. Never have I ever sexted someone during class.”

A series of groans are heard in the circle, few people—some that you know are Taehyung, Hoseok, and even the smartest of the frat boys, Namjoon bottoms up their respective drinks. Seriously? They pay tuition to sext during class. What a disgrace.

And of course Jungkook’s glass is empty too. What did you expect?

Next is Hoseok. “Never have I ever faked an orgasm before!”

Well, that one is on you, but you are just glad to be able to finally drink. And damn is it good to finally have alcohol buzzing inside your system—it’s been way too long. After drinking his own, Seokjin offers to exchange your empty glass into a full one. You send a thankful smile his way.

“Never have I ever sent a nude to someone.”

Well, that's correct on your previous relationship with a dickhead in your high school. Wow, you feel the slight kick, but since your tolerance is quite high, your tongue still craves for more.

“Never have I had a threesome before.”

Your eyes curiously find Jungkook, as he bottoms up his third glass of the game, with only a few of the people there drink—Jungkook, Taehyung, Jimin and one of the unknown girls. Not that you did not expect it, but you find yourself mildly uncomfortable and somehow disappointed with the facts. He is Jungkook. You should have known it.

“Never have I ever roleplay mommy / daddy kink during sex.”

You detect Seokjin shyly drinking his glass, and you fake a gasp. The alcohol on your spine and the great atmosphere are a success in bringing up your mood. “Wow, I knew it! It’s all so clear, you must have daddy kink!” You let out a belly laugh as he softly pinches your waist, still abashed to the new found fact. What you miss is Jungkook shooting daggers both your ways and Taehyung on his side giving him a few comforting taps on the back.

“Never have I ever liked someone else when I was in a relationship!”

The question somehow kills every fun you have, as you silently recall your previous relationships. There was definitely something on your mind, but you quickly pushed them back. No. It did not make sense and still does, and it was something you chose to bury a long time ago. Pretending it never exists is way easier.

But when you straighten your back to regain your sense, your eyes instantly find Jungkook sipping on his alcohol whilst glaring at you, before throwing his back and bottoming it up. Not only that, even after he slams the glass back on the table he is still giving you the same intent stare. What does he want from you? If he is trying to mess with your mind it is not working—so you faked nonchalance, waiting for the next question, yet your mind is busy thinking about who might be on the receiving end of Jungkook’s feelings while he was in a relationship with his bitch of an ex.

The game goes on for another round, and boy was it a mess. As time goes by, the questions are getting out of hand, until a point you seriously think you need to see your therapist due to how traumatic the questions are. During the game you only drink five glasses, which is still not enough for you—and Seokjin, who apparently has a great alcohol resistance as well. The game ended when Hoseok and Taehyung were hugging each other with two bottles of vodka between them, noisily faking smooches sound to each other.

When Seokjin offers to walk away from the rainsacked table, one of the friends whom you recognize as Yoongi holds him back with a tactful smile. “Hey, Seokjin! I’m bored, Let’s play!”

“Yoongi, I think that’s enough play. I think me and Y/N are just going to talk.” Seokjin calmly refuses, when Jungkook comes to Yoongi's side, resting his arm on the smaller man with his face bright red, looking totally buzzed.

“Ugh, that’s so boring! Why don’t we just play a game!”

You snort when you can smell his breath reeking with booze. No wonders though, he only missed two shots during that godforsaken game. “Jungkook—”

“No! I want to play!” He childishly pouts again. Here goes Jungkook acting like a nine year old whenever he is drunk. You roll your eyes agitatedly. Can he grow up already? “I want to beat you and this boyfriend of yours. Let’s play beer pong!”

“That’s a great idea, Jungkook! I think for the prize the winner can ask the loser for anything.” Yoongi shows his gummy smiles forming a smirk. Seokjin was about to discard the offer when his friend cleverly ignited another fire. “What, you don’t think you can win? Or do you just don’t get the nerves to? Too scared to be beaten down in front of your girlfriend?”

Somehow the conversation is loud enough that it attracts people, and now everyone is wooing the provocative statement from Yoongi. He has been silent throughout the previous game, and you don’t even know why he is so keen about playing beer pong with you and Seokjin. Can’t he just ask someone else instead? But you are assured, since one thing you learned from athletes like Seokjin, he is not easily provoked by such cheap statements. 

“You are on.” He grimaces as you gape, not expecting the sudden plottwist. How can he just approve? Damn him, you seriously do not want anything to do with these frat boys! “But I swear to god if you lose, I am going to force you to kiss this manchild for fucking five minutes in front of everybody.”

“Well that’s not really a punishment if I will enjoy it, but go on.” Jungkook drunkenly shouts, Yoongi palpably shudders beside him. The crowd laughter goes wild, as other freshmen—you seriously really feel bad for them now—sets up the red solo cups on the table. Your head spins in confusion, as you literally have not once played beer pong before. It’s a lost cause, and you are going to be punished by those evil spawns!

“Seokjin, I seriously can’t play for shit!” You hisses in worry while Seokjin smiles as an assurance.

“No worry, Y/N. I am a reigning champion of beer pong is this godforsaken frat. We will surely win.” He holds you by the shoulder. You send a judging gaze to Jungkook as he pretends to look nonchalant, confidently rubbing his palm together. Damn, you really want to smack him in that idiotic drunk ass face of his. What a jerk! You just hope Jin is truly as good as he claims, because if not, you are completely, utterly fucked. And not even a good one.

The first thing you did wrong was to believe Seokjin is just as good as his words, because Yoongi—who you just knew is the captain of the basketball team—completely triumphs him through every shot. And you already in peace with the fact that your aiming skill is the worst thing that could happen to you, so there goes scoring zero. That bastard Jungkook, somehow amidst the drunkenness is able to score a lot as well—probably due to the fact that he also plays football. Now that you think about it, the game itself does not make sense. And not only that you lose, the glasses you shove down your throat are quite a lot, to the point you can finally feel the buzz of alcohol in your spine. Just fucking perfect!

“Yes! We win!” Jungkook gleefully shouts, seeing the last red cup in front of your table has the shiny yellow ball in it. Seokjin sighs in defeat, quickly taking the last glass and drinking it, completely forfeited. You groan, rubbing your aching temple. This is gonna be rough.

“Wow! Do we finally have the winner here?!” Yoongi shouts with mirth, as the crowd woo. “Well, I don’t want to hold you back, let’s cut to the chase, shall we? I am just giving you a taste of your medicine. You can now make out with the bride.” Everyone snickers, and you are too shy to even look at Seokjin. “But we don’t want porn here, so just three minutes?”

“Are you okay with this? I can make him stop.” Seokjin asks calmly, as Yoongi snickers about his friend’s cringey thoughtfulness. Well now that everyone’s looking at you, you ain’t really got any choice, right? So you hesitantly nod as a permission, before Seokjin encloses his lips on you, and all you can sense is the deafening shouts of the crowd.

And Jungkook’s deflated back while exiting the room.

*

Two hours after the last disastrous beer pong and a three-minutes exhibitionist makeout session with Seokjin, you are shocked to still find yourself sitting at the frat party. Seokjin has asked you multiple times if you want to head home, but you refuse, feeding him lies about somehow still enjoying the party. Truthfully, you don’t even know what he is holding you back. You stopped drinking after the game, instead drinking lots of water to avoid a bad hangover in the morning. The party is dull, especially when you are no longer drinking and alone—Seokjin is asked by a few fellow final year friends to join them for a drink outside, so you assure him you’ll be okay staying back. All you do now is keep an eye on your so-called best friend, shoving alcohol down his throat like there’s no tomorrow. There were few girls around him, but the way Jungkook was not having it and instead focusing on the drinks—his nonchalance probably bore them so they fled, locking on other frat boys as targets. It is only Taehyung now with him, who looks just as drunk as he is. Literal dumbasses.

Amongst the loud bass thumping inside the room, your phone vibrates. You quickly excuse yourself from a couple who is now making out beside you—god, you seriously thought the girl was interested in talking to you before, but now she just ignores you while shoving her tongue down the boy’s throat!—and walks out to pick up the call. Against your expectation, it is Jungkook’s brother, Junghyun on the other side of the call..

“Y/N! Y/N, I am so glad you pick up!” Junghyun shouts loudly, sounds greatly relieved after listening to your greetings. You chuckle, realize it has been quite a long time since you heard from him. You desperately need to visit him sometimes, instead of constantly hanging out with his idiot younger brother.

“Hey, do you know where Jungkook is? We actually have to fly to Busan tomorrow morning, so we expect him to be home now. He even brought the car with him!” Junghyun shouts filled with stress, then you scrunch your eyebrow in confusion. He will fly tomorrow morning, so why did he even bother to come to the party? You scoff in disbelief.

“Yes, oppa. I am in the same party with him, but he is not looking real good.” You answer, looking inside the frat house. Well, not that his brother is unaware of Jungkook’s current trait of drinking and partying—not that he supports it—but you just think that he would be more responsible in his choices, and the your disappointment at him is vivid as a day. Making his family worried, all because he just wants to party which he nearly does every week? It’s shallow even for him. “But I’ll get him home now, no worries.”

Junghyung release a relieved sigh. “You’re a lifesaver, thank you!”

After a shot goodbye, you close the call and furiously march inside the frat house, right to Jungkook’s side. He is still drinking, but now looking severely drunk while unreasonably laughing with Taehyung, and now Jimin as an addition. Three drunk guys are never a good combination. “Jungkook, you fucking idiot, let’s go home!” 

With that Taehyung whistle loudly, tapping Jungkook on the back fervently, pepping him. “It’s Y/N! God, finally she is asking you to get something-something!” You scrunch your eyebrows at the drunk ass guy with a reddened face. You are earnestly curious for what booze he is having so you can avoid drinking it forever.

“You want to go home? Let’s go home, babygirl.” Jungkook lowly whispers whilst standing up, but before you can even react to such provocative words, he limps—probably dizzy from consuming too much alcohol. You circle his arms on your shoulder, helping him cause you are certain he is unable to walk on his own now.

Limping to the outside of the house at the best speed you can do, you find his car is parked a few meters from where you both stand. You grumble, swearing that you would keep a tab in every kindness you give to this unthankful moron. 

“Hmm, you smell nice.” Jungkook whispers, the tip of his nose settles on the crook of your neck, brushing it to your skin repetitiously as he hums in delight. All of a sudden you feel like it is hard to breath, your nape hair standing from such impulse. Damn, how can he take so much reaction out of you? It’s totally unfair! “I love your smell, babygirl. I wish I could smell you everyday.”

“Jungkook, I smell like booze, smoke and sweat. And what the fuck is wrong with you!” You hiss, trying to calm your irregular heartbeat. And you can always trust Jungkook to somehow flirt with you in the middle of his drunken antics. “I need to get you home, Jungkook. Don’t make me throw you on the street, okay?”

Listening to your cold answer, Jungkook pouts, his arms fold on his chest. The luring persona he had is now replaced to the childish one, and you can’t believe you have to deal with it now. “You are being a meanie to Jungkook! You have to apologize!”

Boy did he mean it, because he is now refusing to enter the car until you apologize. You sigh in distress — but some part of you do enjoy the cute banter with your drunk best friend. You are definitely going to tease him about this after he is sober.  “Okay! I apologize, Jungkook. I won’t throw you away, and I will get you home safely. Satisfied?” He nods with a foolish smile.

Then you realize that you don’t know where he places his car keys at, so you ignore the warning in your head and search his pockets, trying to disregard that he is wearing tight-ass pants that force you to feel him up somehow. God, you can’t even shake the embarrassment creeping to your cheek. Where the hell is that key?!

“Y/N, do you seriously want to do it here? I want out first time to be in bed, please.” Jungkook politely says, like he did not just imply about sleeping with you — instead asking for a candy. You whimper, greatly embarrassed even if you know it’s only a drunken act. He does not mean it in any way possible, so the flutters inside your heart should stop! You curse yourself, despising how his words are now affecting your wellbeing.

After finding the key in his left back pocket, you open the door to him and he kindly obeys, but you take the chance and purposefully hit him in the head with the door. Serves him right! As Jungkook winces while bearing the physical pain, you gladly saunter to the driver's side, turning on the car and heading it to Jungkook’s address—which you already remember like your own, located not really far from university.

Few minutes pass in silence, so you think Jungkook already fell asleep, when a sudden question is heard and throws you away to shock.

“Do you like kissing Seokjin?”

“What the fuck—” You look at him, thinking he is joking but you find him staring back at you, eyes dead serious while his face is painted with no trace of mirth whatsoever. It sends you jitter and nerves all over your body. “Jungkook, I don’t understand why you are asking that.”

“I just want to know if he is a good kisser or not.”

“He doesn’t need to be a good kisser to make me like kissing him.”

You heard Jungkook’s breath hitched like it’s so hard to believe. “So you like kissing him?”

“That’s beside the point, Jungkook. I am just stating a fact cause your logic is flawed.”

You most definitely underestimated the level of distressfulness in his question when Jungkook literally growls, not liking the mind games you are playing on him. “I’m serious. Do. you. like. kissing. him. or not!”

“I don’t know why you are asking that, since it’s literally you who asks for the fucking beer pong game. Not to mention, it’s you who wants me to bone this guy, Jungkook.” You whisper, reminding him of the day he offers you to come to Hoseok’s birthday party. “That question is weird, I am not answering that.”

“I regret that day, everyday…” You hear him mutter silently while looking outside the window. You quickly warn yourself to avoid overthinking it. It’s unhealthy, and you’ve been here before! Better to turn off your feelings before everything gets messy on your side.

“Why do you even have to be bad at beer pong?! It’s just shooting fucking ball to a cup. How bad can you be to not even score a point?!” Jungkook childishly huffs, and you take a few deep breaths to stop yourself from landing a punch to his devilishly handsome drunk face. What you are going to do is ignore him, like an adult you truly are.

But the silence is too much and you just want to talk to him, hence opening up a new topic. “Jungkook, you know you have to leave for Busan tomorrow. You shouldn’t be partying the day before. Have you even packed?”

Jungkook looks at you and sighs, like he is mentally and physically drained—well, as he should from drinking that much. “How can I, when there’s a chance you are going to the party as well.”

You raise your eyebrow, unsure. “What are you saying?”

Jungkook scoffs in disbelief when grasping how clueless you actually are. “I don’t know what fucking Seokjin has asks you to believe, but I am still your best friend, Y/N.  Since we were kids. I know you like the back of my hand, I know how you hate parties, how you dislike being around strangers, and I know how dangerous it is to be with these frat boys.”

He pauses. “And frankly, I just can’t trust Seokjin. Even with ten years of friendship, I’m still finding new, wonderful things about you and you expect me to trust a fucker who only knows you for a month? Seriously. I only trust myself to be capable of taking care of you.”

The sincerity in his words and gaze, how determined he is with his words seriously blinded your sanity—this part of you trying to assure that what he says is strictly platonic. Your heart is beating so fast it is literally painful to even breath, all the butterflies in your stomach fly without a care in the world. Does he really mean it? Do you even want to know what he means by the words?

The rest of the way passes in tense silence, both of you busy in each of your thoughts, and the car already approaches the street of his house. You sigh, putting on the break when you finally arrive in front of his house lane. “This is it, Jungkook. Go home, get some sleep. Don’t forget to eat some aspirin, and please wake up in time for your flight.”

Jungkook somberly nods, clicking his seatbelt off. You were about to say something, anything about addressing the elephant inside the car—to confirm whether he meant his words, whether he is indeed jealous of the punishment kiss with Seokjin. But then he beats you to it.

“Can I ask you one thing? And please promise me you will answer this.” He stares at you, and you hesitatingly hum as an answer, the tension is hard to miss.

“Answer me truthfully. Do you like kissing him? Seokjin, I mean.”

You sigh, not believing how still hung up Jungkook is on the matter. “Jungkook—”

“I know you like this guy so much, Y/N. I don't even want to ask that. I just want to know if you like the kiss. I wish this guy sucks in kissing, at least let me live with that.”

You look up to him, cheeks turning vermillion as he braves himself to look into your eyes. Your heart swells in pride, thinking how important it is to confirm that to you. God, has he really been this cute before?

“It was okay.” 

Listening to your answer, Jungkook smiles widens from ear to ear, like he is completely over the moon with okay as an answer. “Just okay? Not mind blowing whatsoever?” 

“It was okay.” You repeat, not confirming nor denying his latter question, but Jungkook still looks pleased with just the same answer. The manchild then hums, throwing both his arms around you, enveloping you into a hug so close like he never wants to let go. After a good minute he finally lets go, still with a million-dollar smile on his face and... rests his forehead on yours, closing his eyes as he breathes your scent in. This time, you are definitely sure you are going to schedule a slot with a cardiologist because there must be something wrong with your heart for beating that fast. There must be. And then his eyes flutter open, showing a strained gaze filled with anonymous emotion. 

“Are you going to be mad if I were to kiss you now?”

At Jungkook’s hushed questions, the temptation to taste his lips and comply with his request has you blinded, so you let go of your sanity and approve with a shy nod. The realistic side of you is quickly shut down as you don’t want to argue with it now. All you are thinking and craving about is to kiss him, or else you are going to die.

As his lips advances, the kiss finally happens. You can vividly feel the fireworks light up inside your chest—a strange yet wonderful feeling, the first time you ever feel this away while kissing someone. Jungkook’s lips are soft, touching you slowly like he is testing the waters. After he feels your careful reply, he sends more pressure, slowly but sure savoring your lips like he is taking his dearest time with you. Boy did he taste amazing—like a good whiskey, even if it’s probably all on him. The kiss feels amazing, yet you find yourself getting impatient with how it progresses, since all you can think is to feel him close. God, you must have lost your mind.

“Patience, pumpkin.” He teases, and you can feel a sleazy smile formed on his lips. You snort in annoyance, but he unexpectedly uses it to his advantage, stealthily shoving down his tongue inside your mouth cave. You gasp when the taste of alcohol kicks in, but is content nevertheless. You can’t even describe how good it is to have him close, your fingers entangled in his beautiful oak brown silk hair, his hands tightly encircled on your waist. How did you even think about spending a lifetime without kissing him?

“God, can I have you now? But I hate doing it in the car—I want our first time to be special.” 

Somehow, his desperate words instantly sobers your lust-clouded head, viciously taking you back to reality. So he really thinks of you that easily. And like you are saved by the bell, his brother appears from inside the house, probably realizing that the car has arrived but yet to show his brother—for a bit way too long. You curtly shove him away, heading outside the car before slamming the door vigorously. Of course. Of fucking course that is going to happen! What do you expect? He kisses you once and is finally ready to take your hand in marriage? You should’ve known better than to fall for the same tricks he played on those dumb girls. He even does it while drunk, for god sake. You should’ve known better!

With heavy self-disappointment you quickly open your phone, opening an app to order your ride home. All you want to do is now wail in sadness, and promise yourself to never let that happen again. You are too focused on your plan to flee, so when you feel Jungkook’s touch against your skin, you instinctively flinch. You can see how pained he is to see your reaction closing him off, yet you keep your mouth shut, not wanting to say even a word to him. The more you think about what just happened, the stronger the ache you feel, so you decided to just stop trying. You desperately need some time alone.

“Y/N! You are here. Thank you so much from bringing Jungkook home. This kid never learns, I swear.” Junghyun smiles, nonchalant to the tense air between you and Jungkook. You put up a fake smile of reassurance to the older guy, shrugging his worry.

“Are you going home? I can drive you, just let me take this guy in first.” Junghyun kindly offers, but you quickly recide. How can you do that when just in a few hours they are going to fly to Busan? They are seriously too kind.

“I ordered my taxi, it will arrive soon, oppa. No worries!” You brightly smile, not minding the obvious stares of Jungkook on your skin. You thank your lucky stars after the white taxi of your choice gladfully is near enough, and the blinding light of the taxi car lamp finally allows you to breathe. “It’s here!”

“Hyung, please take the details of the taxi, will you?” 

While entering the taxi you hear Jungkook’s subtle request to his brother, yet you pretend to be clueless, since it is better this way. You can’t. You shouldn’t. You don’t want to mess with the things you have now. You are so conflicted you don’t even know what to do with yourself.

“Text me when you get home.” Jungkook rigidly murmurs and you nod with the same manner. The taxi finally moves, and after a few seconds of total silence, you find the tears you have been holding for a while finally free, raining down on your cheeks.

*

Finally ending the fateful night, you arrive in your apartment and cry yourself to sleep. You feel betrayed, you feel dirty, you feel played and used. You do not know what has gotten into you to seriously think you are special to Jungkook, but that’s definitely not the case since he just caught up in the moment and just needed you to wet his dick. After that, you are going to ruin a ten year old friendship just because you can’t keep your feelings in hand like he can’t keep his dick inside his pants. You should’ve seen it coming—but now the damage is done, there is no use of regretting the things you can’t change. Yet ever since that day you can’t even sleep, eat, study, or basically do anything without thinking about him.

Especially since in the morning he left for Busan, he informed you through a message that he will be there for a week, and after that he needs to talk to you. You haven’t even replied, leaving him only on read even if that’s basically what you are thinking about night and day. What is he going to say? Is he going to reject you? Is he going to say how disgusted he is for that night? Is he going to tell you should not be friends anymore? There are countless scenarios playing in your head, and not even one is as what you wish it would be. Just an endless count of rejection and humiliation.

So the night before he is coming back, you are seated coated in your blanket in your apartment, right in front of your TV even though you don’t even know what show is playing. You are just zoning out, racking your brains for reasons that you need to say to Jungkook to avoid meeting him tomorrow. Do you just pretend you are sick? Or can you bail on him? But thinking about Jungkook, waiting alone in a cafe makes you sad and guilty, so you immediately cancel that last option. God, what are you going to do?

Too invested in your thoughts, you do not notice Lia is just in front of you. You finally acknowledge her presence when after she is now waving a plastic of delicious smelling food in front of your face. “Hey, earth to Y/N!” She calls you again, the agitation builds up for the past week of being ignored by her own roommate.

“Honey, seeing you like this makes me sad.” She sighs, resting the plastic on the desk. “I brought offering food, and with this I hope you can finally tell me what’s wrong.”

You sigh, realizing how annoyed she must be seeing you like this. You have been closed off on her as well, keeping the event from a week ago only for yourself. It just doesn’t feel right talking about it with someone Jungkook admitted he likes… Which suddenly pops an idea inside your brilliant head. God! How can you not think of it before?!

You widely let out an ear-to-ear smile which frankly scares Lia due to the drastic change of mood. But you couldn't care less. You need to do this, to save the remaining pieces of your friendship with Jungkook and give him a helpful hand as well.

“Lia, honey, can you please help me with something?”

*

Jungkook arrives at Gimpo International Airport at 5.40pm, along with his parents and brother. After going back for the wedding of his relatives, every new day he can’t wait to finally be back in Seoul. He is worried as hell about you, since he is aware that he did make a mistake that night—he scares you with his overwhelming feelings, but he promises himself to make things right. He would be crazy to let you go that easily. Jungkook definitely felt something from you that night—there is a glimpse of hope that you somehow like him too, and now he is helplessly hanging on to that rope.

After telling you he needed to see you after he got back, you left him on read for a few days and he had to confess that he was so moody and off during those days, constantly pissing everyone around him. But how can he not? He thought he lost his chance. What if Seokjin took those days to convince you how much better of a man he is than him? What if you had enough of him and dump his ass? Or worse, what if you think you can no longer even be friends? Those thoughts constantly bothered him, but when you message time and place to meet him, he feels comforted. He trusted you—you are much better of a person than what his pessimistic mind forced him to believe.

So when his flight arrives, he directly goes to take the train instead of going with his family’s car, heading to the restaurant you informed. As you informed him about the dinner—7pm reservation, he carefully calculated his ETA. Jungkook is a bit confused due to your choice of place—you don’t really fancy Mexican food, but he pays no heed as what he can only focus is what he is about to say and the gift he thought thoroughly and carefully before, secured on his backpack. Jungkook silently smiles. He is going to make this right.

Exactly an hour arrival, he is now in the area of the restaurant. He quickly hitch a taxi, asking the driver to drive as fast as he can since his plan was to arrive first before you. The hope grows dimmer as seconds pass, especially when his taxi is caught in the middle of a traffic jam. Jungkook groans, there is no hesitation that he will be late. He quickly send you an apology by text, in which you do not even read—adding more anxiety to his already existing one.

After a few minutes which passes like a thousand years, he finally arrives in the said restaurant. He slaps a few bills at the driver, not even waiting for a change as he runs inside, nervously tapping his foot after mentioning your name as a reservation. His heart is beating fast, his palms turn clammy, and he feels jittery all over his body. God, the feeling has already been too long to even remember. But he can’t deny that it indeed feels nice. It feels amazing to care and have real emotions this deeply about someone.

Instead of finding the face he has been thinking of night and days, he finds a completely different woman, sitting nervously on the table. He is too overwhelmed to even speak.

“You—What are you doing here?!”

Jungkook can’t even believe his eyes. It’s Lia, your best friend, sitting on the table right now. All at once, his head spins followed by a sudden nausea bubbling up his throat from the great shock. He has been expecting you—to see your face again waiting for him with a smile, to tell you how much you mean to him, to finally confess and give him a gift he carefully picks out for you—but instead you set him up for dinner with your best friend, without letting either of them know. He feels rejected, a wave of sadness crashing at him that he can only weakly sit down, his legs nearly giving him up. He is now mourning on so-selfless yet so idiotic action you do him.

“God, Y/N asked me for dinner together, and he actually set me up with you? What the fuck?!” Lia flares angrily, taking her phone and fervently dialing up your number. Seeing how ugly it can get, Jungkook takes the phone away, closing the call. “What are you doing?!” She hisses.

“I.. I accidentally lied to her that I like you instead of her when she caught us meeting that morning.” Jungkook whispers, his throat too dry for catching up in the sadness. “And now she is setting us up together.”

“God, it all makes sense now! She actually asked me how I feel about you, and knowing you like her, I put good words. Could it be that she thinks I like you too?” She gasps, but Jungkook is already too numb in the feeling. “God, she is such a moron sometimes!”

“That’s okay. It’s just clear now. I know she does not have any feelings for me, and she might be too afraid to say so. She is probably already with Seokjin now.” Jungkook bitterly whispers, trying to uphold his voice yet it still wound him so fucking bad. Of course that is it. Seokjin is a whole perfect package for a man, not a child with zero emotional capacity like him. He must be drunk to even think about competing with that man.

“No, that's not it..” Lia shakes her head fervently at Jungkook’s helpless posture. “I believe she broke up whatever relationship she had with Seokjin. Don’t tell her you know this from me, but they kinda did it in our apartment hallways a few days ago and I accidentally—well not really accidental but that’s not the point—heard! I thought she was extremely quiet and sad because of that!”

He is confused, he really is, but now he knows the fact, there must be something he has not known yet. “Are you sure?” Jungkook rises up to his seat, strangely motivated. Not that he wants to take advantage of your odd break up with Seokjin for his personal advantage, he just wants to be there for you — like what best friends would do.

“Are you okay if I leave you now?” Jungkook kindly asks, and Lia shoo him away boredly, eyes already skimming on the menu.

“Don’t need no boys helping me eat, but you owe me a lot after this, bro. You get it?” With a nod of confirmation and a short smile, Jungkook quickly heads to the place he knew he would find you.

*

You don’t even know what you are doing, seated in the usual coffee shop you always visit with Jungkook. You have been sitting in the cafe for nearly two hours, munching on the countless foods you order from the menu, yet you can’t hold back the obnoxious, ugly feeling in your chest — especially when the barista is asking where Jungkook is when you ordered your usual. It’s literally on you—you were the one setting up both your best friends who greatly deserve and like each other together, so why is it so painful to face the possibility that they are having a nice date in her favorite Mexican restaurant right now?

Great. Now you are crying. God, you must look hideous, no make up, alone with plates of food in front of you. You can’t even imagine what people must be thinking about you right now, since even you are disgusted with yourself.

“I better go home.” You sigh, ready to pick the bill when a soft bell tingling is heard and you do not know whether you can believe your eyes or not, but it signals Jungkook’s entrance. He is wearing a dark blue sweater you bought him for his birthday a year ago, walking pensively to your table. Just looking at him immediately quickens your heartbeat, too loud you can distinctly hear it rings in your ear. What is happening? Why is he here, not more than an hour in the date? That look—Is he mad at you?

“Y/N, before I am going to be angry at you for setting me up with your best friend, I want to hit pause. Okay?” He calmly speaks, resting his bag on the floor. You look at him with teary eyes, still shocked for only his presence so you hesitantly nod. 

“Are you okay? After Seokjin, I mean. I heard about it.” Jungkook whispers, trying for a slow approach to the said matter. You don’t even know how he knows, yet you don’t really care.  “I’m sorry.”

You finally gather your courage to let out your voice, eyes still training on your lap. “Don’t be. It’s hard, but I’m okay. We just realize it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Do you want a hug?” Jungkook good-naturedly offers like it's the most usual thing to do inside a coffeeshop, and you can’t hold the chuckle which he follows. “We always hug it out whenever we are sad. I don’t know about you, but it always works for me. Your hugs are the best.”

You know he probably does not imply anything, so you nod, because you are desperately in need of your best friend’s hug right now. When everything is hard, it feels nice to have someone who completely understands and is willing to listen, instead of telling you what you need to do. That’s the kind of friendship you have with him, and you are thankful neither of you has given up on each other even with the constant fights.

After a good ten minutes just having each other close in a hug—his arms secured around your shoulder while you lean your head on his annoyingly sturdy chest—you let your best friend go. “God, we must be looking like two moron right now.” You whisper, noticing a few glances are thrown at your table and Jungkook snickers, agreeing with your comment. You snort. “More like because you look like a fucking idol and I look a hobo. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Hey, I just arrived from Busan and I directly come here without even changing.” He pouts and you chuckle, feeling the butterflies vividly knocking on your stomach. He helps you asking for the bill, and when it arrives, he directly gives the waiter his card and you angrily shove him away.

“Jungkook, if you pay for the food you don’t even touch, I swear to god—”

“But it's my turn to pay!” He protests and you roll your eyes.

“It’s not, because you did not even eat a thing.”

He quickly munch on the leftover fries, giving the waiter his card and pushing the confused man away before you can snatch the card back. You hiss, seriously feeling guilty for letting him pay for the whole thing. “God, I am starving! Can I eat this?” He asks, munching on your half eaten pasta without waiting for you. You just stare at him, happily eating your food and you can’t hold down the smile.

“Can I have this coffee too?” He politely asks, pointing at your black coffee and you sigh. 

“Jungkook, once again I tell you, you do not like black coffee. I’ll just order you anything.” You are about to call the waiter again when he holds you back.

“I like everything you like, Y/N. I think this goddamn coffee has grown on me.”

But he is completely bullshitting you—and probably himself because as his lips touch the glass to take a sip, he instinctively grimaces at the strong, bitter taste. Gosh, an idiot and somehow you still call him your best friend.

“Jungkook, do you want me to order you a banana milkshake?” You kindly offer like the coffee thing did just not happen, and he answers with a 1000 watt smile that leaves you strangely speechless.

“My hero.”

After exactly another hour talking about the cousin’s wedding he attended a few days ago, both of you and him exit the coffeeshop. You can’t hide your blush when the barista is secretly teasing you with his goddamn eyebrow, not that Jungkook can notice. God, you wish he doesn’t notice.

“Can we walk to your apartment? Are you okay? it’s a little bit cold.” Jungkook worriedly asks, and you nod as an agreement. He smiles serenely at you, his hand runs to fix your messy hair—courtesy of the wind. His fingers delicately put a strand of lost hair to the back of your ear, and smile with all his bunny teeth on display after being satisfied with the result. God, you wish he would not notice how nervous you are right now.

During the short walk filled with comfortable silence, he reaches your hand, tightly intertwining it with his fingers. All the things he does are not special—you nearly do it every time in your so-called platonic friendship, but everything definitely has changed. But the fuzzy feeling quickly turns into nerves when you sense the inevitable talk is coming, as he points to one of the benches in front of your apartment building.

“I am angry at you.”

You look up to him, expecting anger on his face when you found none, instead a thin smile. “You set me up with your best friend. What were you thinking, Y/N?”

“You said you liked her. And I know you need a push to finally do something about it, that’s why I did it.” You guiltily try to defend yourself. Jungkook sighs, suddenly feeling remorse of what the conversation will turn into.

“But.. I don’t know whether we want to discuss this, but here goes—we kissed that night, Y/N. Does it even mean anything to you?” 

And now it is there. The hurt, the frustration, the anger shown on his beautiful doe eyes. You know it is coming — the inevitable confrontation about that night. But how can he even ask such question to you? Doesn’t he know it nearly keeps you awake every night?

“You were drunk, Jungkook. And horny... I was—we were just caught up in the moment.”

He scoffs in disbelief. “I don’t know about you, but I was not just caught up in the moment.” Jungkook curtly answers, taking a deep breath of courage. He hopes he doesn’t mess up everything and end up chasing you away yet again.

“Can’t you see it, Y/N? I like you. I like you so much for how it seems like a long time ago, but idiot me, somehow I just realize everything now.”

At his answer, your head feels like it is about to explode. But you are too scared, too realistic to even think about the possibility that he may truly mean every word. “You can’t lie to me like that, Jungkook! I am not the girl you can play with like your one night stands. I do not want to be just another number to you.”

“But you're not just another number to me!” He agitatedly hisses, letting his emotions open up on the table. “You think it doesn’t kill me? I think about it nearly everyday. I think about you and Seokjin. I think about you rejecting me. I think about you and our ten years friendship currently on the line. Do you think it has been just a walk in the park for me?”

He takes a deep breath. “I like you, Y/N. I like you so much it kills me for you to close me off that night we kissed. I thought everything was clear—my obvious feelings for you, but just now, you set me up with your best friend. How fucking great!”

The tears welling in your eyes are forcing to come out. “You don’t know how afraid I was, Jungkook. You can’t even imagine how it was for me! I like kissing you—I think I like it a little bit too much—but when you said you wanted to fuck in the car, I felt… I felt disgusted. You were drunk, and I felt like you were just using me for my body, like I’m just another dumb girls who you’ll fuck and never call back. I.. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

The statement you let out just brings a whole new guilt on his chest, and he moves to hold you close. “What were you thinking, Y/N. I would never do that to you…”

“How can I think of that? Are you shitting me right now? Jungkook, you slept with at least three girls a week, and you explicitly told me about fucking these girl nearly everyday before. So you expect me to comply and fuck you in that car, ruining our friendship because you only want to fuck me and wet your dick?!”

“Y/N, I swear it is not that. I like you too much, and I got so jealous of Seokjin—I am sorry that I make you feel that way. But I swear to god, at that time I just wanted to show you how much I like you, and I am sorry if it came out that way.”

You take a deep breath, but even doing it suffocates you. “I just need some time. That’s it. Can we… can we just pretend this never happens?” You sigh tiredly, and at your word, Jungkook feels hit with a ton of brick until he is completely numb. You want to disregard everything that happened?

“I am heading upstairs. You.. you can just head home now.” You whisper, and every word coming out hurts you back like it hurts him, but you need this. You need some time to think about everything. You don’t want to hurt yourself again—just seeing him now hurts so fucking bad already. Jungkook is not emotionally ready for you. He just caught up in the moment of drunkenness, and he doesn’t mean it. You should just stop thinking about it.

You are about to leave to cry your eyes to sleep, when you heard him call from behind.

“Here. I bought this for you. Don’t worry, Y/N.  I’ll leave.”

And you can hear the steps of his boots, walking far and far away until it disappears in the  silence. Now that he is not here, you find the wind is ten times colder, and the pain in your chest multiplies a thousand times. It’s only you now, alone with your thoughts. You brave yourself to turn back, seeing a box of chocolate resting on the bench, which then leaves you a crying mess.

It’s the exact chocolate he gave ten years ago to the girls, the one you ate when you saved him from the humiliation he faced. How could he even get this?

To : Y/N

Thank you for saving me again that day. And the day after. And the day after, until today. I owe you my life :)

With love, your vermillion faced favorite person in the world.

Jeon Jungkook.

*

Another week passes, and Jungkook wakes up with a groan inside of his room he shared with Taehyung. God was he trashed last night. His frat was having another party, and he may or may not steal a few bottles and decided to trash himself whilst playing Overwatch—he can’t even remember when or how. His back is killing him for falling asleep with bent back, his face plastered on the keyboard.

He tries to straighten up, but the dizziness from suddenly standing up washes him away that it takes some time to get used to. His lips are as dry as sahara, yet he found no bottle of water that may relieve the thirst—seriously, Jungkook? Stealing two bottles of vodka but forgot to bring up a bottle of water? God he is a moron sometimes.

He walks out of the room, descending to the downstairs with his head still banging painfully due to the bad hangover. He is about to head directly straight to the kitchen, but his steps are paused when he finds Seokjin currently having his breakfast on the table, with… you.

The first thought that comes to his mind is how different you look—you look pale and tired, the dark eyebags are getting prominent and it does look like you haven’t been sleeping well. The thoughts finally come closing when he realizes how awkward the air has become, you, Seokjin and himself on such close distance. Jungkook can’t bear the bitter thoughts of you, having your usual breakfast with Seokjin. God, he must be a bother—so he quickly enters the kitchen, intends to grab a drink and forces himself out of the picture.

“Jung—Jungkook, can we talk? Outside, I mean. I want to tell you something.”

He looks back, not expecting to find you standing up and walking to him to the kitchen. 

“We can. Do we need Seokjin to join as well?” He bitterly shoves the water inside his throat, not even minding how petty he must have sounded. 

“No. No need. I need to talk to you alone.” You beg, internally praying that Jungkook will not make it harder than it already is. All you want to do is say what you needed to say, then run away and bury yourself alive beside the nearest tree. 

Jungkook hums, and follows your hesitant step to the backyard of his frat house. But now that he is seeing you in such close distance, makes him realize that he terribly misses seeing you and talking to you. The week after the confession he let out, he decides to give you the space you deserve—no matter how desperate he is to just send you a message and ask how you’re doing. He can’t even deny that he went to your faculty a few times before, wanting to just see how you are doing even from afar. He knows how cringey and creepy that thought is, but he seriously can’t stand the idea of not having to see your face during those times. Checking up on you is like something he has been doing for ten years now, and he doesn’t intend to stop just because you need your own space.

Now you are standing with him, yet he thoughtfully motion so you can sit on the patio wall. The first touch he gave you since the last encounter, and it successfully turns you ten times nervous than you already are. Will you even be able to say what you need to say when he is right there, looking at you like that?

“Before you say anything, can I ask why are you having breakfast with Seokjin?” He starts, somehow unable to disregard the scene he just witnesses. He doesn’t know why, but he feels somehow sad and anxious that you are spending such an intimate breakfast with him. Sensing that Jungkook is indeed dead serious, and so are you, you decide not to beat around the bush and answer him with the truth.

“It’s nothing. I just wanted to see you and he was there, having his breakfast. He was just being polite.” 

“Jungkook, I want to say I am sorry.” You whisper directly and cut to the chase, intending to look him in the eyes but still failing to do so. All because you are nothing but a nervous pile of mess. “I.. I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t set you up with Lia just because of my insecurities. I thought I was doing you some good, but that was my fault to overstep it. And I shouldn’t have been angry at the thoughts that you were just playing with me—it’s only in my head and I accused you for it. It’s so unfair for you, I.. I want to apologize.”

Both of you fall into deep and tense silence, waiting for the other to speak up. But falling too uncomfortable with the silence, you decide to open your voice again. “Aren’t you going to say anything? Are you still angry at me?”

“Shouldn’t you apologize for one more thing?” Jungkook calmly asks, basking in your appearance once again like it’s never enough. God, are you even eating well? You hesitantly look up, confused with his words. What does he mean by that?

“The way you expect us to forget everything happened.” He winces soundly just by saying the word he refuses to acknowledge since the moment he heard it. Just thinking about the word you said a few nights back still brings fresh pain inside his chest. “That’s actually what hurts me the most. I don’t really care about the other.” You bit your lower lips. Is it just your hallucination or Jungkook seriously asking that?

Jungkook racks his brain, trying to articulate his thoughts yet failing to do so. Then he gives up, letting his heart do the talking instead. “I like you, Y/N. I don’t want to scare you—but I might even be in love with you. These past few years are so clear now. I like you, I always have feelings for you but it was so clouded with any friendly, somehow platonic feelings I thought I have and I don’t know—what happened with us just awakened me, making me realize  that I don’t want anyone else but me to be the one taking care of you.”

The newfound sincerity in his words astonishes you. Your breath hitches, with his words coming in and out of your mind, yet it still feels unsettled. Does he really mean it? 

“I guess I was just too busy with myself, with my own ways of hiding the pain I felt. But I realize, it was not any parties, or meaningless sex or any other things that makes me happy. I thought it was, but it’s not.” Jungkook takes your chin, pleading for you to look up to him. You are too overwhelmed by emotion, and you are thankful he asked you to sit because if you weren’t, your leg would give you away.

“It’s you. It’s always you.” He proclaims, as clear as the sky upon him. “It’s breakfast with you, talking with you everyday, seeing you be happy and be the one causing it. That’s what makes me happy.”

At such sentiment, the tears swimming in the corner of your eyes finally falls, streaming on the side of your cheek. He quickly pulls you close, his head entangles on your hair and your hands basked on his waist tightly, like you are holding it for dear life.  “Jungkook, I am scared. I don’t want to lose you... What if everything goes wrong and then I lost you forever?”

Jungkook kisses the top of your head. God, he is scared beyond words too. But he loves you too much, he believes in what you both have and is ready to take his chances. “We’ll make it through. I can’t promise you much, but I promise I’ll always look out for our best interests. You won’t lose me. I am your best friend before anything, Y/N.”

You nod, somehow assured by his words. You know it’s going to be hard to believe—even your past self would too, but you trust him with all your heart. Jungkook has been one constant thing in your life, and you trust him and are willing to put everything on the line because frankly, you love him, and he loves you. Maybe it’s time to finally be brave enough to face anything and take that risk. Only because it is him.

Another moment of holding each other close when Jungkook fucking opened his mouth and decided to ruin everything. “So.. Can I kiss you now?” He jokingly whispers and you snort, all sappy moments crumbling down to ashes. An amused chuckle somehow did escape your lips, and he pouts. “Hey, let me kiss you, you pretty girl. Seriously, I kissed you once, and god, that’s all I can think of this past week.”

You roll your eyes, heart beating rapidly fast in your chest. You are going to shrug his face away from you, but the moment you can clearly look up to him, you feel warm and giddy. His face is saying everything, shaded vermillion red while shyly looking down on you. A flashback comes inside your head, reminding you about the eleven year old kid with the same shade of vermillion on his face. He is still the same Jungkook you know—the Jungkook you love and wouldn’t trade for anything in the whole world.

His lips advance closer to yours yet you are the one to close the distance between. To have your lips finally touch against his chapped one, you can feel the same firework lights up, only ten times better now that you finally is truthful to your own feeling. God does it feel amazing to feel it to have him against your lips. Both of you are too content with even such innocent kisses, feeling the smile forming in each of your lips, inevitably bringing up a laughter.

“Fucking finally!”

At the loud roar, you quickly push Jungkook until he falls a few steps back, completely shocked beyond words to hear the shouts behind you—which belongs to Taehyung, somehow with Lia shutting him instantly on the mouth. There are few other frat brothers like Jimin and Namjoon as well, smiling meaningfully in front of the door. You shyly duck your head, god, how long have they been standing there? This is embarrassing!

“Are you going to hit them or should I?” You whisper, walking outside from the back door with Jungkook on your side, escaping the loud shouts and woo from the people standing there. Jungkook chuckles with mirth at your reddened abashed face. Is it a good time for him to say how adorable you are right now, with a burst of red coloring your cheek?

“No worries, I will.” He kisses your supple cheek. “But objectively speaking, I do think Lia has rights for that. She is the one helping me to get you since god-knows-when.” Jungkook smiles endearingly, holding you close around the shoulder when it’s finally just the two of you, brushing a kiss on the top of your head. You chuckle knowingly, and Jungkook stops to see you straight on the eye.

“Aren’t you going to ask me when, why or how? I mean about the chasing you thing with Lia.” He asks seriously, yet apparently can’t get his hands far from you as he reaches for your cheek, softly brushing it delicately with his fingers. You hum, somehow content with his touches. God, you sure like him so much it hurts.

“Baby—you’re cute. But actually it’s Lia who convinces me about you.” You chuckle, and Jungkook scrunch his eyebrows, yet still falling shy at the nickname that sounds entirely different now that you are the one saying it to him. “She told me everything. And that’s actually when I realize that I can trust you. With all my heart.”

Jungkook smiles, heart turning warm from your statement and still, the endearing nickname. “On the light note, you called me your baby. Ugh, can I kiss you again, pumpkin?” He cheekily asks, and your hearts light up at the familiar yet so strange nickname that now it feels different to have him as your lover.

You smirks, holding his palm against your cheek, taking in his disheveled, morning appearance once again. He looks extensively cute with his button nose and reddened cheeks, his disheveled morning hair still super inviting to have your fingers running through it. And it is unfair that somehow he looks his best now, better than anything you have seen him before. High chance it is because for you, the best thing for Jungkook to wear is his smile—especially when it’s because of you.

“Not if you have to ask again every time you don’t.”

He smirks and pulls you by the nape, muttering an answer against your smiling lips. He seriously wouldn’t mind doing this every second of the day.

“Deal.”

========

Finally! nearing 25k, wow this is a lot to write. But it was so much fun and i hope you like it! let me know and lets talk :) kindly check my masterlist !

UPDATE #1 : Drabble posted on masterlist! Do check lovelies! <3

UPDATE #2 : Find the Taehyung spinoff, “The Platinum Rules” click here!

[secretly-a-cold-blooded-murderer]

Good News...? (Harry Styles x Reader)

Warning: Angst

A/N: It would be nice to hear your views on the fic :-)

Summary: Harry wants a baby, you don’t. Angst ensues.

“So, when are we hearing the good news?” Your husband’s aunt asked you excitedly. You barely stopped yourself from retorting something that would most certainly tarnish your reputation amongst your in-laws.

This was not the first time someone had asked the two of you about having a baby and you knew this would definitely not be the last.

“Hopefully sometime soon, auntie.” Your husband let out a little laugh.

You turned your head towards him, your eyebrows furrowed as if asking him a question; one that he didn’t seem to catch as he continued talking to his relative.

You left his side to look for something other than champagne to drink, murmuring a little excuse me and passing a smile to his aunt who had now moved on to tell your spouse about her friend who recently had a miscarriage because she and her husband got pregnant too late.

You walked towards the kitchen, swiftly passing by all the other guests before they got the chance to say hello. You had lost all your cheery mood, and could not be bothered to act more proper.

The kitchen seemed to be the only place in the entire house which was somewhat empty. You beelined towards the fridge, champagne was too light to help you go through this evening, you needed something heavier. 

Opening the fridge, your eyes immediately fell upon the lonesome bottle of vodka sitting in the back. You looked around the kitchen, making sure no one was paying attention to you and pulled out your soon-to-be lifeline.

“Rough night?” You turned around at the sudden voice, only to find your mother in law staring back at you, her foot lightly tapping against the floor.

You made a sound of frustration, “Why the only thing they have to talk about is babies?”

Anne’s face softened at your complaint like she understood your concerns, she was there once.

“They are just intrusive people who have nothing better to do, your eyes raised at Anne’s blunt statement; noticing your expression she raised her hands, “You know it’s true, they did the same when I first got married, seems like they found a new target in you.”

Anne took the bottle of vodka from you and poured it in two shot glasses, sliding one to you.

“So, what do I do?”

“Just smile and nod, occasionally let out a little laugh, that’s really all you can do. Anne’s advice didn’t help to ease your mind but at least now you knew she was on your side. The truth is it wasn’t the relatives’ words that were bothering you, it was Harry’s.

You tipped your head back and drank the shot, feeling the burn run down your throat. That definitely helped.

“Thanks, mum now I guess I have to go find my hubby.” You left the kitchen, a little more prepared to take on your inquisitive relatives.

“Y/n where were you? I was looking all around.” Harry clasped your elbows and pulled you aside.

“I was just in the kitchen looking for a drink, then I started talking to mum.” Harry started to say something—

— “Hey lovebirds, what are you doing here hiding in a corner?” Harry and you moved apart a bit and found Harry’s other aunt grinning at both of you.

You both looked around the room and almost everyone was now turned towards the lot of you.

“Honey, I think we all know when a married couple is hiding in a corner there can only be two things they must be doing,” uncle Matthews claimed loudly, a slight slur in his voice, but face lit up with excitement. 

Aunt Matilda’s forehead wrinkled in confusion as she tilted her head to the side, figuring out the meaning of her husband’s implications, her expression soon morphed into a big smile, “They can either be fighting or be doing the complete opposite,” she waggled her eyebrows in suggestion, “Which one is it, dearies?”

Uncle Dan tilted his head back and let out a boisterous laugh, which prompted everyone else to join him, some people even started cheering.

You plastered a big smile on your face, nodding a little; you made sure to chuckle occasionally, and then kept your head downwards, not even meeting eyes with Harry until everybody went back to mingling with each other.

But Aunt Matilda remained by your side the entire evening, thankfully now indulging in and asking you about your work, and you were extremely happy to oblige.

“So you’re now the head at your office?

“Yeah, I got a promotion only a few months ago. The hours have definitely increased but we make it work, right Baby?” Your eyes met Harry’s green ones. Your mind was a lot more calm, even with a shot of vodka running through your bloodstream.

“Of course. I am so proud of her,” his dimples more prominent than it had been the whole evening.

“Aww look at the two of you, so cute,” she reached forward and grabbed each of your and Harry’s hand, “Have you both decided on getting pregnant yet? don’t you think it's time?"

You almost rolled your eyes, no matter where you went, it seemed impossible to escape the baby question.

You pressed your lips together and left the question for Harry to answer, “Yeah, hopefully, we'll have good news real soon," the dimples didn't leave Harry's face at all.

She turned towards you, as if to confirm Harry's statement, you pulled your cheeks back in a smile and nodded lightly. 

Her eyebrows raised a little in surprise, a big smile graced her lips, "Well that's lovely," She brought her hands up to cover her mouth, "Oh, can you imagine a little Harry running around the house?"

Harry, still smiling, nodded along. While you cast your eyes sideways and around the room until they landed on Anne.

Anne tossed her head backwards in greeting and you passed her a pleading look, directing her eyes to the still talking Aunt Matilda.

Anne shook in silent laughter, relating to your situation a little too much. She nodded her head and walked away.

Your parted your lips, unsure of Anne's plan. But guessed she had experienced pesky relatives enough times to learn how to deal with them.

Your guesses were confirmed when Anne's voice called out to everyone that dinner was set up. You lifted your head upwards and thanked your stars but most importantly, your mother in law.

Aunt Matilda left to join the rest of the family.

Harry offered his elbow to you, his back completely straight, "Shall we go for dinner m'lady?" He asked in a posh accent.

You laughed at the goofball but declined the dinner, you couldn't take any more of his family.

His forehead crinkled, "But why?"

You hated lying, especially to your husband, "I am not feeling well, I guess" you shrugged your shoulders, guilt slowly creeping up on you.

His eyes softened as he brought his hand closer to the side of your face and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, "Okay, you go rest upstairs, I'll deal with the fam."

You pressed your lips tightly to not make a noise, but you were still shaking, trying not to burst out laughing, "fam?"

Harry moved his lips into a pout, a red tint making an appearance on his cheeks, shut up.

You placed a kiss on his left cheek and made your way up the stairs, leaving him standing in the middle of the room. 

You were still smiling when you entered the second room to the left and were instantly met with all the posters from when Harry was a kid. You glanced at each one by one, your attention then taken by his old Manchester United t-shirt hung on the wall.

You opened the window and sat down on the bed, finally away from all the people. You loved this room the best out of all in the entire house. It showed Harry's true essence; he still had his old model cars lined neatly on the shelf, along with pictures of his old mates.

The room was filled up to the brim with silence and the smell of Chinese food from next door lingered in the air. You felt calm.

The door opened with a little creak, you turned to see Harry entering his room. He placed himself next to you and lied down, taking you with him. Together you both laid on a single bed surrounded with trinkets from Harry's childhood.

It was probably very late in the night and you were still awake. Harry's breath tickled your neck, but you didn't want to disturb him. His statements from earlier this evening came back to you.

You were wondering if Harry had been wanting a child but didn't say anything. You also got worried imagining why he didn't tell you. But most importantly, were you ready for a child?

Before you realised, sunlight filtered through the room and Harry was up. As he was getting dressed, you feared for the conversation you were about to bring up.

"Wake up, sweetie. It's almost time for breakfast," Harry whispered by your ear. You couldn't wait any longer.

"H, Do you want to have a kid?"

Absolute silence surrounded you.

"Harry talk to me. Please." You were on the verge of begging to get him to say something, anything. But you were with nothing.

Harry let out a sigh and sat down on the bed. You got up from your lying position and brought yourself next to him.

"Yes, I do. I really do." A lone tear ran down his left cheek. He immediately wiped it away.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" You didn't know why you asked this question, you both knew the answer.

"Because I wasn't sure if you were ready," he turned his body towards you, you could see he was holding his breath and his eyes were slightly widened, "Are you?"

You closed your eyes, you were turning in your bed the whole night thinking exactly about this. You then met his eyes, they were waiting eagerly for your answer, "No."

Harry let out the breath he was holding, and looked down for a moment before rejoining your previously held eye contact, "Why? I remember very clearly that we talked about kids before getting married, why are you refusing now?"

His voice was increasing in volume with every word, "I didn't say anything for the longest while, hoping maybe one day you will, and now you are saying that you don't want to have kids." He stood up from the bed and you could see his hands were now clenched into a fist.

You were really nervous, you didn't expect this reaction from Harry, he was usually such a calm person, "I am not saying that I don't want to have kids ever, but you have to understand Harry, things have changed. I am the head of my firm now and you are away on tour for months on end,"

You stood up as well, your volume was now matching his, " How are we supposed to raise a kid when we are not there to raise the goddamn kid?" You took deep breaths to calm yourself and made a mental note to not raise your voice moving forward, shouting at each other wouldn't help anybody.

"Every couple in the world figures it out, we will as well. I want to have my own baby, Y/n, what am I supposed to do?" his voice was barely audible now, his shoulders slumped and he sat back down on his bed, "What am I supposed to do?"

You didn't have an answer so you just stood there, hoping for a miracle to happen while the silence once again engulfed you two.

"Harry, Y/n breakfast is ready," Anne's voice interrupted the uncomfortable silence between you. You thanked her in your mind, she had lately become a saviour for you.

Harry and you walked down the stairs to join Anne in the dining room, the silent tension following you.

During the entirety of breakfast, Anne was the only one talking. There was no chance she hadn't heard your fight. This was a small house and you both were being pretty loud. 

She filled in you two about the events of last night's dinner, which weren’t in the least bit interesting and she ended up just describing what each member of the family was eating.

You two were eager for this temporary distraction and let her go on and on about essentially nothing, "You know how Mike is allergic to mushrooms? So, when he started removing them from his chicken, Aunt Matilda scolded him to finish his dinner as if he were a kid," Anne laughed.

You stopped eating your pancakes for a moment to fake a laugh for her sake. she was helping you get through the breakfast, the least you could do was meet her halfway as she was bullshitting through a story.

Soon after breakfast, it was time for you both to return to your place in London. Frankly, you were dreading the trip back home. You would rather live in your husband's childhood home for a few more days than suffer through a 3-hour journey in your current situation.

Unfortunately, you had a life to get back to, so an uncomfortable long drive was the only option.

Harry stood up to prepare for the trip back home. Anne stopped you before you could leave as well, "You okay?" her eyes were soft and full of concern for you, "I heard the fight, will you be okay going back home right now?"

Your heart filled up with love for the woman you now called mum, she didn't ask for an explanation of your fight, all she cared about was you.

"I'll be okay. Thanks, mum," you nodded your head, staring straight into her eyes. You were almost sure yours were glistening.

Harry came into the room, "Y/n, we should go or we'll be late," he stood there for a moment before nodding his head towards his mum and then left through the front door to wait in his car. His voice held little emotion, which made you more anxious about the journey ahead.

You wished your mother in law goodbye and exited the house.

Harry was in the car, wearing his shades when you sat down in the passenger's seat. You realised you had forgotten your weekend bags and opened your mouth to inform Harry, who pointed to the backseat where he had placed them.

The car ride had been one of the most awkward 3 hours you had spent with your husband. It was eerily quiet, which was something new to both of you. You two were never silent, either you would be talking or Harry would be singing a song under his breath or some noise, never complete silence. Even when you were fighting, you would argue each other's heads off.

This was new territory, this fight wouldn't be solved with make-up sex. You had to have an adult conversation about it. You just weren't sure what it would entail. What was the middle ground here?

When you entered your place, before Harry could walk away, you held his elbow, "H, I don't know what to do, but I know that this silence is killing me. Please say something." Your voice was hoarse for some reason and you were barely holding yourself together.

"I need some space," he removed his elbow from your hold and went out the door, leaving you feeling stranded in your own home.

It felt like a dam broke, with the way the tears were falling down your cheeks. You didn't have the time to go up to your room or sit down somewhere before you broke down, so you were currently sat on the floor, arms around your knees which were pressed against your chest.

It was a horrible sight to walk onto, which was exactly the first thing Harry saw when he entered the house after a few hours. You were rolled into a ball in the middle of the room, shaking as the tears flowed freely.

Harry rushed towards you and kneeled down in front of you. He held your face in his hands, making you face him. You could hardly see with the tears obstructing your view and still noticed his glistened eyes. They were swollen and red covered his entire face. He was crying too.

"Please don't cry baby, I am so so sorry. I am an idiot." He took your hands in each of his and made you slap him repeatedly, "I am an idiot, I made a mistake. I am sorry." He started trembling and sobbing at this point.

You couldn't bear to see Harry like this, you stopped him and removed your hands from his grasp. You were frantically shaking your head, "Stop H, please stop it." Your eyes were staring into his.

You both took deep breaths together, slowly calming each other down. You two were on your knees, holding each other, regaining your composure.

Harry spoke first, "What was I thinking, forcing you into having kids? I am so so sorry I acted like a dick Y/n. I don't know what came over me. I promise to never ever act like this again," he shook his head, his eyes moistening again.

You wiped his tears with your thumb, "I want to have kids. I wasn’t lying when I first told you that I wanted kids. You were right, we'll figure something out." You noticed Harry's expression turning uncertain, "But not right now, I need time."

Harry started nodding slowly, "However much you want."

”A year, H, I need one year for us to figure out how we'll handle having a baby and so we can be completely ready before we start trying."

Harry cupped your cheeks and rested his forehead on yours, exhaling lightly, "Absolutely. I'll cut back my time on the road to take care of you and the baby, our mums can help us babysit anytime we need the extra help."

You bit your bottom lip, letting out a small smile, "They'll fucking jump on that opportunity."

You both started chuckling, and before you realised, you were sprawled on the floor, in each other's embrace, laughing.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you too, H.” 

[tododorks]

synopsis: why, why, why? everyday you saw them, and everytime it hurt more than the last. it was driving you crazy and you tried to ignore it, you really did– but it was easier said than done..

parings: midoriya izuku/reader (+platonic bakugou katsuki/reader)

warnings: cursing, angst, self-hatred, depression, all that fun stuff

word count: 1.6k

i do be feelin down in the dumps fam, so here, take my sadness in form of writing and read it also this was barely proofread,, so whoops

.・。.・゜✭・.・✭・゜・。.

Why did he look at her like that?

You never meant to be jealous, you never thought you would be jealous. Especially not because of her. For three years you had friends, hell, she was one of your closest friends now. So why? Why did it hurt so much?

Why did your heart ache when you saw them talking together, walking together? Why did it hurt so goddamn much when he laughed at her jokes and when he would look at her and smile?

But you told yourself it was okay. That it would go away, that this feeling would go away. There wasn’t a need to bother him with your feelings. He would just get upset, and you didn’t want him to be upset. You wanted him to be happy, that’s all that was important.

“Y/N, angel?” You heard Izuku’s voice from behind.

He looked happy.

“Hey, Izuku. How are you?” You gave him a slight smile, pushing the negative thoughts out of your mind.

“Good,” He took a seat next to you. “Just wondering if you wanted to hang out with Iida and Ochako tomorrow? M-me too, obviously.”

You nodded and he patted your shoulder.

It didn’t feel right.

“U-um…” You stammered out.

He looked back at you with a questioning look, but you couldn’t get anything out. You wanted to tell him, so badly, but you couldn’t.

After a few seconds he went back to his seat.

. . .

Izuku texted you that he’d meet up with you and Iida. He was walking with Ochako.

But that was okay! You were okay.

It was just walking, they were just walking. After all, she was his best friend, it was only natural.

“Are you okay, L/N?” Iida asked you.

“Yeah, of course,” You replied.

He nodded and you two continued to walk in silence. It was awkward. Despite being a part of their friend group (their friend group being Izuku, Iida, Ochako, Tsuyu, and Todoroki), you didn’t exactly feel like you fit in anymore, but you didn’t exactly have another group you could just slide in to. Other than them, Bakugou was your only friend. Though his group didn’t exactly feel right either.

You looked down at the ground and began to lightly scratch your arm. Just a nervous habit. Iida took notice but left you be, knowing it was probably best if he did. He could tell something was off with you, but he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries and make you uncomfortable.

“Midoriya! Uraraka!”

You looked up immediately and saw him– saw them. They were so close, shoulders centimeters apart. Why were they so close? There was a weird, painful feeling in your chest, but you ignored it and tried your best to look happy.

Izuku ran up to the two of you, and Uraraka followed suit.

“L/N! You look beautiful!” She flashed you a quick smile before turning to Iida and starting a conversation.

You nodded and turned to them, forming a small circle. Izuku was on the opposite side of you, nervously laughing at what Uraraka had just said. He looked at her like she meant everything.

“Hey, Izu.” You waved.

“Hi, Y/N!” No nickname.

Izuku didn’t always call you nicknames around people, he’d get too flustered before he could manage the full word. It was the first time he’d ever been in a real relationship and he was still getting used to it. But even knowing that, it upset you. It’d been a while since he called you any affectionate names or even hugged you.

But it was okay, you were just overthinking it. The two of you were probably just getting out of that honeymoon phase people say relationships go through.

Yeah,

That was it.

The four of you walked the rest of the way to the park. The three of them talked and laughed amongst each other and you would pop in every once in a while. It still felt slightly uncomfortable, but you wanted to contribute at least something.

You didn’t want to be boring.

You didn’t want Izuku to think you were a boring person.

. . .

You stepped into the bustling lunchroom. Despite being full of students, somehow it felt empty too. You felt like an idiot standing alone in one of the aisles between tables while everyone else was with their friends.

But you couldn't move, you were stuck in place. You knew people were looking at you strangely, you just knew they were, but you were unable to move. Before you could think you were calling for Izuku. He was the only person you wanted to see. Seeing him, his face and his beautiful smile looking at you may calm you down.

And there he was.

But why was he walking with Uraraka? Why was he looking at her like that, touching her like that, smiling at her like that? For a brief second you thought you saw them holding hands, but the next moment it was gone. You felt tears forming in your eyes, you wanted them to stop, to smile and tell yourself that it was okay and they were just being friendly with each other. But that look… that look.

It was the same look he gave you when he told you he had loved you.

Through your tears you saw him look back at you, and you thought he would walk over to you and hold you. You thought he would comfort you and ask you what was wrong. Instead he gave you a blank stare and turned back to Uraraka and sat down with the rest of their friends. They didn’t even notice you were gone. They just continued their normal chatting, completely forgetting about you.

Were you really that forgettable…?

.

“That’s fucking stupid.”

“Bakugou,” You whined, shoving your face deeper into his pillow. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you!”

He rolled his eyes. “Well it is. You know we all care about you.” You lifted your head up slightly, eager to see what he’d else say. “We wouldn’t forget about you. Not now, not ever.”

“Katsu…”

“Don’t fucking call me that, almost as bad as Kacchan…” He grumbled.

Hearing ‘Kacchan’ made you think of Izuku.. which made you think about him and Uraraka and the dream. God, that fucking dream. It definitely wasn’t the first, but that one was just flat out fucking with your mind. At least the others were subtle about it.

Bakugou was always honest with you, which is what you liked about him. If you were to ask anyone else whether Izuku and Uraraka looked like a good pair, they’d probably say no out of pity for you. Of course, he made sure he didn’t hurt you with his words. What can I say? He had a soft spot for you.

Though he knew you were going to be hurt when he said yes, you were already hurting because of it, and he knew you needed to hear it whether you liked it or not. It was your third time coming to him because of Izuku and Uraraka and Izuku and your relationship. But he could see how tired you were, how upset you were when you looked at the two of them, and sometimes if he was close enough he could hear you crying at night. Bakugou knew the only reason you hadn’t come to him more was because you didn’t want to be selfish or whiny.

No matter how much he told you that you could always come to him when you were feeling down, you couldn’t bring yourself to actually go to him. To you it always felt like you were just being a burden by doing so.

He looked at you with a hint of pity. Ever since you told him about your worries a few days ago he’d been noticing things about you and he was beginning to worry for your health. It wasn’t the first time you put someone else’s feelings above your own, but it was the first time he saw just how much it was hurting you. Not having the best mental health wasn’t exactly an unfamiliar topic to you and he knew that too.

“Op-oing-at…” You mumbled into the pillow.

“Sorry, can you repeat that, Shrek?” He said.

You lifted your head up and gently threw the pillow at him. “I said stop doing that, looking at me like I’m a wounded animal– and what do you mean Shrek? I sounded nothing like him.”

“I wasn’t looking at you like…” You cut him off.

“You were.”

“I could tell, Bakugou.”

He shifted and pressed his back against the wall, looking up at his ceiling and letting out a deep sigh. You weren’t an idiot, he knew that, just too caught up in your feelings to realize how badly the relationship was affecting you. That or maybe you were just holding out hope that it was just temporary, that your feelings would pass and your relationship with him would go back to how it was before.

Happy.

“Y/N?”

You hummed in response, tapping his knee rhythmically.

“Is this relationship really worth it?”

You stopped and sucked in a breath. “Pfft...what do you mean…? What– what are you now? A relationship counselor or something?” You let out a small laugh.

“Well, I just mean you seemed happy before.. and now…” His eyes left you and drifted to his hand. “Look, you know I don’t like that damn Deku, but he seemed to make you happy. But now it just seems like half of the time you’re with him you’re suffering.”

“‘s not true…”

“Y/N.”

You sat up and folded your hands in your lap, shaking your head. It wasn’t true. You just felt a little blue, that’s all.

“Just think about it, not about how much you love that nerd or whatever– and not about how he’d feel either. Just think about it,”

“Is it really worth it?”

[whittakerjodie]

Time to Tell (13th Doctor X Timelord!Reader)

Request: @biscuitfam​ “For your requests opening up; I was wondering if I can get a 13 x reader where the reader feels like the Doctor is pushing her away? Much angst and fluff ensue? 🥰”

a/N: So I did write something long today but it didn’t end up vibing so I had to (temporarily, hopefully) scrap over 3k words.... So I wrote this up to cheer myself up! Sorry that it’s so short, and I hope that you enjoy! Sorry there’s not fluff, after losing the other fic I was feeling pure angst. 

Words: about 1.5k? 

   You stared across the library at the Doctor, who was tearing apart the large grandfather clock. Although she claimed it had a fault and could do with an added AM/FM radio, you knew that it was for the sole purpose of having something to do while you relaxed between adventures. Likely, the moment she completed tearing it into pieces, she’d stitch it back up again and pretend like she’d changed something. It’d only been an hour of her working on it, but roughly seven since she’d talked to you.

Typically, after dropping the Fam back off on Earth, you and the Doctor spent some quality time together. Cuddling, experimenting, travelling, amongst… other things. But as of late, ever since your run in with the Master, she’d pulled away and collapsed in on herself, avoiding your cuddles and your science experiments. What she didn’t ignore, however, was the travelling.

Over and over again you found yourself in increasingly dangerous adventures, nearly every free minute you had. The Doctor claimed that it was the randomizer acting up, but you’d caught a glimpse of her screen long enough to know that she was tracking the Master. It wouldn’t be as disappointing if she had bothered to tell you about it.

You tried to push down your hatred for the your common time lord enemy and instead focus on the Doctor. 

“Doctor?” You murmured. She hummed in response and said nothing further.

“Doctor?” You repeated. Another hum, louder this time. 

“Doctor!” You shouted.

“What?” She snapped, dropping her screwdriver. Your eyes widened at her volume, which was accompanied by an unexpected sharpness in her voice. It cut through you, forcing you to throw up a small shield.

“Hey!” You shouted. “I’m trying to get your attention. It’s been hours.”

The Doctor moved through the piles of tools and parts she had around her lap and found a watch seemingly out of nowhere. “Oh. So it has.”

You sat up from the couch, abandoning your book. “Doctor, come on. What’s wrong?”

She scrunched up her face and pointed to the grandfather clock. “What’s wrong is this clock doesn’t have a radio. I thought I explained that to you.”

You scoffed at her ridiculousness, walking up behind her and sinking to the floor so you could wrap your arms around her from behind. She tensed under your hold and you frowned, pulling back. “Not even a hug?” You leaned forward to look her in the eye. “Doctor, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to talk about this now” She grumbled, and she shot up abruptly. You leaned back with a gasp as she exited the room hastily, not sparing a second glance at the grandfather clock.

_________________

The Doctor kept the fam around after that. A lot more than usual. Whereas before she would wait a week or so before picking them up at the usual time, she started flashing forward directly to the next time they were available without a second thought.

“Are you wearing the same outfit you were wearing last week?” Yaz laughed as she finished giving you a hug. You sent a quick glare the Doctor’s way. She was, of course, looking away from you and saying hi to Graham and Ryan, catching up with them as if it hadn’t been five minutes since they last exited the time machine.

“Not last week” You grumbled. “I saw you five minutes ago”

Yaz took in your expression and your tone and matched your frown, giving the Doctor a once-over.

“Is she being weird again?”

“Define weird. Not talking to me? Avoiding me? Being reckless? Well, more reckless than usual but..”

“I assume you’ve tried to talk to her, right?”

“Of course. But it’s like she’s closed herself off. I mean, we had problems with this in her last regeneration, but it was backwards. First he was cold, then he was warm. Now it’s like she’s just shut it all off again. “

Yaz gave you another reassuring hug. “Maybe next time she picks us up, just tell us if it’s only been a minute. We’ll flat out tell her no.”

You shrank a little, feeling guilty. There was a reason why you and the Doctor invited so many companions along with you. They longed to see more than what they could on Earth and deserved to do so. It was practically your duty to give it to them, and it was a duty you enjoyed fulfilling.“No, Yaz, that’s not fair on you guys. Plus I like taking you places.”

“Alright then, if you say so. But I promise, just ask and we’ll do it.”

And eventually, you did ask. After the adventure, one without a full conversation with the Doctor, the fam were all dropped off on Earth. And not 10 minutes later, the Doctor was landing in Sheffield roughly a week after that in Fam-time. She landed just outside of Yaz’s flat, throwing the door open with a faux smile. Yaz stood out the door, coffee mug in hand, sipping from it. She threw a quick wink at you.

“Sorry Doctor, we’ve all got a bit busy this week. Grahams on a trip with some work friends, Ryan’s trying things out with Tibo, and I’m trying to connect with my mum a little bit. Maybe next week?”

The Doctor blinked, clearly surprised by her response. You nearly laughed. She clearly wasn’t used to people turning her down for trips. “Oh. Makes sense, I suppose. Uh… Be seeing you then.”

When she shut the door, her eyes met yours for the first time in a couple hours.

“That was odd.” She murmured, leaning against the TARDIS doors.

“Was it?” you hummed, fidgeting with the pages of your book. You knew that now was the time to talk with the Doctor properly.

“Maybe I’ll just… pop ahead to next week then.”

You tensed, but not enough to stop yourself from jumping up from your seat and quickly crossing the room to beat her to the console. Somewhat obnoxiously, you stretched your arms along it’s surface so she couldn’t have access to the buttons and levers. Her eyes widened, trying to step forward. You leaned further back against the console, daring her to try again.

“Y/N? What are you doing?”

“Stopping you?” You cleared your throat to hide the nervousness. Instead of holding onto the console, you reached forward to grab her hands. “Listen, there’s a reason why they didn’t come with. We all decided that me and you really needed to have a sit down. “

The Doctor’s hands tensed in yours, her eyes hardening. “We don’t need to talk about anything.”

You scanned her face, hearts tearing at the way it seemed so … foreign from the Doctor’s usual self. There were layers of protection clouding her eyes, ones that you knew were necessary and ones that you knew could and should be broken through to get through to her. 

“Come on,” You whispered, pulling her into a hug. “I don’t care if we sit here for hours, days. I want to know what’s wrong.”

The Doctor’s muscles relaxed slightly, accepting your hug. 

“Y/n…” She murmured, arms gripping you a little tighter. You felt the touch of something wet against your neck. A Tear. You leaned back just enough to brush a second one away, then hugged her tighter. 

“You can tell me, Doctor.”

There was a silence sitting between the two of you despite your closeness. A horror that had laid unspoken for weeks, one strong enough render the Oncoming Storm herself speechless. Something so abhorrent that she couldn't possibly tell you, her closest and oldest friend. 

“It’s about Gallifrey”

[chaoticneutralwriter]

Jamais Vu

A remedy, a melody A memory that only I will have If we stop here Would it be better to just turn everything off?

guardian demon!Jimin x reader

genre: supernatural, romance, comedy, angst, fluff

word count: 13.5k

related works: see Masterlist under guardian demon!Jimin

Continuation of Second Act: Temperance

A/N: IT’S HERE!! AHHHHHH TT-TT This chapter, we’re finally heading to the concert! :O what other sorts of things can possibly happen here...? 👀 👀 LOLL As always, thank you so much for all of you guy’s patience and the endless love and support i’ve been getting through your asks! I really truly appreciate you all for sticking it out for this story!! 💖💖💖🥺🥺🥺 As always, I hope you enjoy!

Tag: @cherryjiminiee​ @kokobaekkie​ @breathebangtan​ @itsadoozie​ @thatshylatinagirl​ @chiminieboi​ @azulamakesmeblank​ @sectumsemptae @awkwardwookie @aduky @poisonseashell @shortannoyingginger

“Hey Y/N, we’re here.” A hushed voice along with a gentle nudge stirs you from your half-slumbering stupor. Blinking, you sluggish look around, mind beginning to catch you up on where you are and what’s happening as you hear the car doors open. It takes a minute but you eventually get your butt into gear, taking off your seatbelt and exiting the car as well to round to the back where your friend, Rosa, and the Uber driver were unloading your luggages.

You hastily make to grab yours, the last of it and place it onto the four wheels before pulling up the handle.

“Thank you so much for the drive.” Rosa thanks the driver, a fairly elderly man who’s been nothing but sweet and accommodating to the both of you despite it being nearly the ass crack of dawn.

“It’s not a problem. You two have fun on your trip; take care and be careful okay? There’s been too many horrible stories about young women traveling alone lately.” He says it kindly, almost like a grandfather to their granddaughters and even though you’re so tired, you can’t help but to smile in return.

“We will sir. You take care driving out there too.”

He nods before waving you two off as you and your friend shuffle onto the island. When he pulls away from the curb, you hear your friend take a deep breath in before exhaling. Turning to her, you catch her eyes and she grins at you, white teeth peeking out past the tops of the neck pillow she has on.

“It’s really happening.” She says, a little breathless — nervous yet excited.

You nod, her giddiness, although self-contained (you had a feeling it was because it’s so early and she’s mindful to the people who aren’t as awake yet i.e. you), is still contagious, the smile on your own lips stretching a bit wider.

You both head on inside, rolling your luggages along until you come upon the many self-checkin kiosks placed in the large terminal. The process was thankfully made easy with no need to send anything off; the trip was short and thus, Rosa and you have settled on just having one carry-on case and a crossbody handbag (or in Rosa’s case, backpack) each. With that done in no time, the next thing on the list was finding your correct gate, go through security and then finding the nearest Starbucks to ingest as much coffee as your body will allow you to.

Contrary to Jimin’s advice on getting as much rest as you can, you felt like you hardly got any sleep at all. Your restlessness was caused by many things — nerves from flying out for the first time with a friend, navigating your way through a city you’ve never been to until now, the excitement of not missing out on seeing a BTS concert when you were so sure you wouldn’t be going, it all felt so surreal to you, even as you’re strolling through the airport amongst many other people who bustle along with you, either arriving from a flight or off to catch one like yourselves.

But rising above everything, like a tumultuous wave ready to crash down on you, was your guardian demon. It should be no surprise really as it seems he’s constantly occupying your thoughts nowadays, a permanent resident and not paying rent though you think this time around, you can forgive it. The worry you have for him had remained firmly in the back of your mind, festering and growing until it too, joined in with the other thoughts keeping you tossing and turning that night.

Jimin told you that he would be meet you at the gate in spite of just coming out of a two-day coma from a near death experience; something that you can’t process at all. Even though he’s reassured you that he would heal in time, the very thought of the slight chance he could be putting up a front didn’t sit well with you, made worse that it’s more likely than not. Before you know it, the anxiety is eating at you and already, you’ve caught yourself doing double-takes for the fifth time, mistaking someone else for him. It’s embarrassingly made you prone to spacing out, so much that an officer at one point had to nudge you along because you were holding up the line during the screening process.

Thankfully, you make it through without further incident (though your cheeks are red and you kinda want to curl up in a corner somewhere but that would probably get you sent to an interrogating room under suspicious behaviour).

“Oh hey, I see our gate.” Rosa’s voice breaks through your thoughts, forcing you to take in the overhanging sign indicating that and the fairly empty seating area. Beyond the large windows overlooking the runway, the sky is still dark, the barest soft orange hues peeking through along the horizon. You’re about an hour and a half early for your flight, glad that the ample time you’ve given yourself arriving to the airport was used well because you weren’t in a panicked rush in finding your gate and risk missing your flight. Furthermore, you now have the leisure to do the next thing on your list — finding some food and caffeine.

“I think most of the cafes and other eating places are just a little further down that way.” Rosa comments, stretching her neck to peer down the long pathway before turning back to you. “Do you want to stay here and I’ll go grab us something or…?”

You smile, shaking your head. “No I’ll come with. I think I need to keep moving around to stay awake at this point.”

You choose to leave out the fact that you’re also feeling a little too fidgety, your anxiety not allowing you to stay put.

So the both of you wander further down the terminal, taking advantage of the moving walkways when they come and eventually come across the duty free stores, some luxury brand boutiques, and of course, the cafes and eateries. There’s a decent amount of foot traffic here despite the early hours, though you suppose you shouldn’t really be surprised — the airport only ever gets busier so to some, this might be considered ‘quiet’.

“Which place? Starbucks, A&W’s… I see Second Cup too. Is that a Mcdonald’s?” Rosa lists out loud before audibly gasping at the prospect of seeing the faint traces of the trademark ‘M’. You squint your eyes too, trying to make out if it was indeed your potential elixir of life and can’t help the snort that escapes you.

“It’s a McCafe, which is close enough so let’s go.”

Rosa giggles, falling into step beside you as you both make your way over. Fifteen minutes later, you’ve got a muffin and a medium ice coffee in hand. The shock of the cold drink in your system has you feeling more alert but the effect doesn’t last long nor does the caffeine (you swear it’s actually making you sleepier). You walk around for a while longer, looking at things you can’t afford and nibbling on your chocolate muffin before you lose your appetite halfway eating through the top half. Stuffing the remaining into your crossbody, you continue to follow after Rosa, your conversations kept light by the underlying buzz for your upcoming travels and yet you feel like you’re not all really there yourself.

“Hey, Y/N….Y/N?”

“O-Oh! Yeah sorry?” Your gaze snaps back to Rosa, unaware that you had become lost in watching people pass by the shop you and Rosa were in.

Your friend chuckles, giving you a wry smile. “You were spacing out hard fam. I think you need to take a nap.”

“Hey, have pity on me. I am not a fully functioning human-being any time before 12PM, at most.” You reply defensively in half truth. In the end, it’s decided that you should both head back to your gate to wait out the rest of your time there. The seating area has become fuller when you arrive, at least in terms of an early flight which thankfully means you still have no trouble in finding a place by an outlet to hunker down until your boarding time an hour later.

You practically sink into your seat, the exhaustion encompassing you like the flannel blanket you should’ve brought along with you just as a yawn threatens to tear your mouth open.

“Oh my God, we need to board soon before I just pass out right here and miss the flight entirely.” You say around it, stretching your arms before you cross them to get comfortable.

“For real, but luckily you have me to haul your ass onto the plane. It shouldn’t be too long now…” Your friend remarks, taking the seat beside you. She peers out at the runway, the sun already rising and daybreak beginning to light the sky an azure blue but even that isn’t enough to pull you from teetering over the edge of sleep again. You fall into companionable silence, Rosa occupying herself with her phone while you begin to drift in and out of a haze, a confusing seesaw between staying awake and drifting off. You don’t notice how the time pass as when you’re nudged gently on the side, you find your friend grinning at you like a Cheshire Cat.

“We’re twenty minutes from boarding fam! Watch my stuff for a second while I go use the washroom? I don’t want to have to go while we’re 5000ft off the ground.”

Your astounded expression pulls a laugh from her, no doubt picking up on your lack of time awareness but nonetheless, you smile with a nod, voicing your own desire to probably do the same after she’s back so please hurry, the ice coffee needs to be drained from your bladder too. She takes off in a brisk walk, beelining straight to the overhanging sign indicating the facility and make to stretch out your arms and crack your stiff joints. Lifting your gaze, you scan the sitting area, noting the few people sitting ahead of you with their heads buried in their phones or other electronic devices, some having taken up the seat facing the large windows, and there are even those looking like they’ve spent the night here as they lay curled up on multiple seats, oblivious to the world around them as they rest.

You wish you could be like that, but you’re plagued with a restlessness you can’t drown out no matter how hard you try. You breathe a heavy sigh, shoulders heaving as you think how even though your flight is a fairly short one, you get the feeling that it’ll be twice as long in your mind and that’s something you’re not looking forward to.

“Maybe I should’ve grabbed a pack of Xanax or something….” You grumble to yourself, rubbing your eyes with your hands.

“I don’t think you’ve got the health insurance to cover that sweetheart.”

You jumpstart in your seat, nearly jostling both yours and Rosa’s carry-on luggage over as you whip your head to the side. Your gaze catches the back of his head, and you wouldn’t have known any better had it not been for the unmistakable smooth lilt of his voice. He’s sitting on the other side of the bench from you, back to back, one seat to your left so when you twist just slightly, you would’ve caught sight of his side profile. To your dismay and surprise though, the lower half of his face is hidden by a black surgical mask, the rest by his black ball cap.

“Ji—!“

“Eyes forward cherub, don’t want to draw attention.”

Your mouth snaps shut, heat warming your cheeks when you realize how much of your elation at seeing him came through your voice. You heed his advice, partly because he’s right but also to hide your struggles in fighting off the wide smile threatening to break out on your face. Plus, this way it feels like you’re suddenly in a spy movie, meeting up with a contact incognito.

“Could’ve sent me a text to let me know you were here…” You say afterwards.

“I could’ve, but where’s the fun in that?”

You scoff quietly, rolling your eyes at his playful gibe but you’re not bothered by it at all. You’re glad Jimin’s here, his presence having some sort of immediate effect on you and your previous uneasiness, which now, has calmed to something manageable, like the invisible shadow following you has disappeared and you no longer have to keep looking over your shoulder to make sure it doesn’t sneak up on you. You finally have breathing room however, there’s still something that lingers persistently.

“So…H-How are you feeling…?” Your question comes out far softer, more hesitant than you had intended and you bite your lip. There’s a drawn pause, one that felt too long for you and makes you all too aware of the heavy pounding of your heart. Unconsciously your fingers begin to tug at the ends of your loose cardigan sleeves, nervous all of a sudden and just when you open your mouth to fill in the void, Jimin replies.

“Do you really have that little trust in me cherub? I’m kinda hurt…”


“N-No! What I meant was—!”

“Relax I know, I was just pulling your leg.”

A huff of air leaves you, a little on the exasperated side as you’re frozen midway in fully turning to face Jimin, subtly be damned (you think you’d never make for a good spy anyways). You know he’s trying to reassure you and it would’ve worked had you not picked up on the way he downplays the seriousness of the question, deflecting with humour and banter. He’s clearly intent on not worrying you so much but it only serves to do the opposite. It makes you want to turn around to gauge his expression, see for yourself if he’s really okay.

“Hey,”

The call of his voice tears you from your train of thoughts, head naturally turning towards him and you’re a little surprised to see dark obsidian eyes staring back at you. You’re lost in their depths, how they hold you captive in a gentle but firm way and instantly it’s like the whole world melts away and it’s just the two of you. Then, they turn up slightly at the corner in a way where you can already imagine the soft smile he has on beneath the mask, it sends your heart racing once again as you wait with almost bated breath for what he has to say.

“I’m okay, really. I promised I would be didn’t I?”

Your teeth pulls at your bottom lip, eyes darting off for a second before they come back to his. You take him in as much as you can, searching for anything that might give way to his front but it’s either he’s concealed it so well that you can’t tell or maybe perhaps he really is okay like he says. Jimin was already a hard person to read, but with that face mask on, it’s even harder.

You sigh, relinquishing.

“Then…Can you also promise me you won’t push yourself?”

His eyes crinkle a bit more but you’re determined to remain steadfast in your conviction. Jimin sees it as he tilts his head before nodding in agreement.

“Okay, I’ll try not to.”

You shoot him a pointed look, one that makes him chuckle and raise a finger to tap on your nose, so quickly you didn’t get the chance to lean away. You blink, flinching back in a delayed reaction but cheeks warming just the same.

“Will it convince you if I told you I’m not going to teleport there and that I’ll actually be on the flight with you?”

That makes you straighten up, eyebrows shooting into your hairline.

“You are?”

“Well, I figured it’s the best solution to the two problems we have; I don’t have to strain myself like you said and we’ll be in close proximity to each other, enough that in case anything goes wrong, I can step in without any issues.”

You nod, seeing his point and honestly even asking yourself why you hadn’t thought of that before until you furrow your brows, zeroing in on him again.

“Wait, you haven’t been recognized yet have you?”

“Of course not, I got this on for a reason.” He gestures to his face, indicating the face mask and baseball cap but that only makes you cock your head back, chin tucking in with an extremely dubious look scrunching your face. There’s absolutely no way this ‘disguise’ of his worked, in fact, he’s playing right into the ‘obviously-a-K-Pop-idol-leaving-for-a-flight’ airport look. It makes you cast shifty eyes around you suddenly — maybe you should actually turn around and pretend you’re in a spy movie again.

“Jimin that’s hardly a disguise! And you can’t tell me you haven’t taken it off at least once to do airport security checks. Are you using your cloaking spell right now? Don’t tell me you are.” You resort to frantically whispering to him as you sink a little lower in your seat.

“I’m not right now, but I did use a couple of enthralling spells here and there, nothing too taxing though so relax. Just enough that I get by with no incidents.”

You suppose that’s as good as it’s gonna get with an answer so you choose to not pry any further. Rubbing the bridge of your nose, you let out one last sigh.

“Alright… Just stay out of trouble.”

“I should be telling you that.” He chides back, getting up with a stretch. Jimin reaches down to grab his denim jacket and black duffle bag (Louis Vuitton, you’re not surprised at this point anymore) sitting on the seat beside his. Your eyes can’t help doing a full sweep of his figure; fitted black t-shirt tucked into dark wash jeans, held by a belt cinched around his waist. You feel like a troll next to him in your sweats and oversized t-shirt (that you double up as a sleep shirt too, you literally just threw on a bra before you left that morning).

“Where are you seated?” You ask after getting over Jimin’s unfaltering immaculateness (you swear the apocalypse could be happening and he would still be dressed in designer brands).

“Business of course.”

You nearly choke.

“B-Business…?!”

“Ah, I should really try to snag another cocktail at the lounge before we start boarding soon.” He says offhandedly, dark eyes drifting off in thought and then redirects them to you. “I’ll be in touch cherub, even if you might not see me. Still, stick with your friend and don’t have too much fun now you hear?”

He’s striding off with a finger wave salute before you can get another word in, but not like you can you think, absolutely stunned speechless. You don’t even notice your friend making her way back to you, just as the attendant at the front desk to your gate announces pleasantly that you would all be boarding soon and can those with special needs, young children and the elderly begin to line up to board first.

“Hey, what’s up? You look…kinda pissed? More alive but pissed.” Rosa laughs good-naturedly. “Some bastard try to pull a fast one on you?”

You exhale a wheeze because she’s not too far off with that statement so you don’t necessarily deny it, almost ruefully replying, “Yeah…I guess you could say that…”

She lets out another laugh, grabbing your hand to tug you out of your seat when the attendant calls for your section to begin lining up. As you gather your things and begin to make your way, you ironically think that your friend wouldn’t be laughing if she had known she, and by way you, have been robbed first class seats.

Oh well, you think, you can’t be too mad because as they say, beggars can’t be choosers. And besides, you have a lot to be thankful for in that moment and you’re not just talking about the round trip to seeing your favourite band play. So with a little more pep in your step since you first arrived to the airport, you eagerly board the plane.

-

What you had planned was to use the flight time to catch up on as much rest as you can before landing where you know it’s going to be a whirlwind of hopping from one place to another.

Unfortunately for you, your ice coffee kicks in despite having emptied your bladder only fifteen minutes into the flight. You significantly feel more alert so your attempts at getting comfortable against the window were futile. Even when you shut your eyes, you’re very much still conscious and aware of everything going on around you, especially the loud droning of the plane’s engine. You don’t know how people get used to it, let alone make it as part of their white noise to help them sleep.

What you do know is that it’s not easy as after a few more minutes of shuffling in your seat, you give up on any hopes of getting any decent sleep and instead, settle for just closing your eyes, earphones on with your old iPod touch cycling through BTS albums — might as well drown out the plane engine with some good music.

You zone in and out for the entire four and a half hour, which felt like it went by in a snap because next thing you know, you’re startled by the chime of the PA going off.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, we are about ten minutes away from landing and — …”

You pull off your earphones, winding the cord to tuck your iPod away into your crossbody as you gaze out of the window, watching the clouds drift like oversized cotton candy through the clear blue sky, sun blazing on overhead. You’re glad that it seems like the weather would be perfect for the concert, which means there won’t be any pains in traveling around by foot. Bonus is that sunnier weather always puts you in a better mood.

Rosa seems to share the same sentiment because when you turn over to her, she’s staring out the window too, eyes practically sparkling and way perkier now that she doesn’t have to hold back. She grabs your arm, giving it a squeeze, silently conveying her excitement and you grin back at her, wiggling a bit in your seat as you both eagerly watch the wing of the plane dip, swooping down lower until it breaches the sea of white below and you get your first glimpse of the city.

You land without a hitch, even having some passengers clapping much to your amusement but in general, the lively buzz just adds to the atmosphere. You gather your belongings, double checking to make sure nothing is left behind as you wait to join the queue in the aisle to exit the plane.

“So it’s close to eleven-thirty right now, which gives us a good amount of time before doors open to let us into the stadium. Should we find our hotel to drop off our things and then go find something to eat? Or should we drop off our things, head to the venue and then see if we can find a place to eat near there?” Rosa asks, tapping her phone so that the airplane mode is turned off.

You contemplate, humming before you say, “How hungry are you? Because I don’t really have an appetite right now but if you want to eat after we drop off our things first, we can do that.”

“Oh, I’m pretty good too so we drop off our things, head to the venue, then eat?”

“Yeah, sounds good to me!”

After struggling to get both of your carry-ons down from the compartment without giving yourselves a head injury (luckily your seat neighbours were kind enough to lend you a hand), you and Rosa wheel off out of the plane, down into the ramp. For a split second, you catch yourself glancing back one last time, eyes searching for that familiar shadow but the pace in which the masses move easily sweeps you up, not allowing you to linger for too long less you want to hold up traffic. However, you recall his words, assuring you that even if you might not actually see him, he’ll be close by to still be able to help you out if you need it. So you continue on, exiting out into a terminal in no time thanks to bypassing the need to go to baggage claims, telling yourself that everything’s fine and there’s no reason to fret.

You’re here to see BTS damn it; your faves, your ultimate and you can’t waste this golden opportunity by overthinking on things.


“Okaaay…” Rosa starts, not unlike a ranger about to take their scouts on a rigorous hike while teaching them survival skills. “Let’s grab an Uber and head on over to the hotel. You have the address right?”

“Oh, yes!” You quickly pull out your own phone, pulling up the text file as Rosa opens the Uber app on her phone. She’s typing the address into the destination bar when you hear someone call out to you.

“Um, excuse me?”

You and Rosa both look up, wide eyed like rabbits caught out in the open and turn to see two other girls staring back at you, no older than you are but what caught your attention immediately was the firefighter red cushion that’s shaped like a heart clutched in one of their arms, only this heart had a funny little face on it — two beady eyes, straight brows and round, yellow plush lips. A familiar face.

Tata.

Your eyes light up, you hear Rosa gasp softly beside you and in an instant, the mood shifts. You’re no longer confused from not recognizing the pair, instead it’s like running into old friends again if the way they smiled back just as widely was anything to go by, a knowing look on their faces.

“Are you..—?”

“ARMY?”

“YES!”

“YES!!”

You barely stop yourself from escalating in volume but your newly formed group had already drawn a couple of judgemental looks in your directions. Cheeks warming yet pleasantly aching from the grin, you wave frantically in an attempt to quiet the excited chattering that has exploded, your initial task forgotten in favour of acquainting yourselves with your new found friends, comrades gathered here for a common purpose and love for one particular group.

Rosa lets out a surprise squeak before falling into more of a hush, a sheepish smile playing on her lips and everyone sort of follows suit, still giggling.

“Oh my God this is so wild!” One of the girls laughs, “Are you guys staying somewhere close by the venue?”

“Yeah, actually we were just about to grab an Uber to head over there.” Rosa replies, flashing her phone with the app still open but address only half completed.

“AirBnb or did you somehow grab a hotel?” The other asks you, adjusting her backpack and making a few keychains jingle. You get a flash of a Cooky enamel chain glinting in the light.

“Yeah we’re staying at this hotel.” You showed them the official website page and she gasps.

“Wow! You’re lucky, that’s so close to the venue! Literally everywhere I go I keep hearing how everywhere is fully booked, even the AirBnbs around the area.”

“Where are you guys staying?” Rosa asks, after she’s copied down the address from you.

“We got an AirBnb that’s a little bit further away from the venue, like a ten minute drive? Not so bad but we’d definitely need to Uber to and back.”

You make a sound of understanding, picking up on the implication that it’ll be more money spent but that’s just what comes with these things. However, an idea comes to you.

“Hey,” You speak up, getting the attention of the party, “We can… split rides for Uber to your place if you want to? I mean, we’re all heading out anyways so we might as well right? I think it’ll be cheaper that way too.”

Rosa nods at your proposal, jumping in to add, “Yeah! Uber has a feature for that, I can definitely set up a second trip.”

The two girls glance at each other in a wordless act of debate, shortly reaching an agreement of sorts when one of them shyly turns back to you and Rosa with a timid smile.

“If you don’t mind? That would be really great actually.”

“Of course not! Save money when you can right?” Rosa says exuberantly, dispelling any remaining doubts to the two as their smiles widen again. So with a few taps, you make the necessary adjustments to your ride and now you’re all heading out to meet your driver in a merry band of four.

During your wait, you finally realize you haven’t made any formal introductions to each other (which, upon bringing it up, causes a round of laughter) but at least now, they know yours and Rosa’s names and you know them as Sam and Megan. Conversation flowed easily between the four of you, quickly getting acquainted with each other and by the time you and Rosa are getting dropped off first at the hotel, you’ve all followed each other on Twitter, Instagram and gotten everyone’s backstory on becoming fans of BTS (and of course, biases and bias wreckers).

“Hey, hey I got this, don’t worry!” Rosa says, trying to bat away Sam who had stepped out of the car as well to help you unload your carry-ons in the trunk. Megan follows suit after placing her Tata cushion and duffle bag in the backseat.

“No! This is the least we can do for sharing the ride!”

“It’s not even that heavy, it’s okay!”

Everyone fusses until it eventually turns into a group effort, even if what Rosa said was true. It makes you all giggle in the end at how silly it is but no one seems to mind.

“Thank you so much for the ride again! We should try to meet up at the venue!” Megan suggests to all of which you nod in agreement.

“Yeah! We’ll be in touch then since we have each other’s handles.” You smile back as Rosa closes the trunk. You go to shuffle onto the sidewalk, ready to see the other two girls off when Sam, wide eyed, suddenly lets out a loud gasp.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” She says quickly, darting into the back seat to grab her backpack to rummage through it, you and Rosa watch on curiously. After a short while, she triumphantly pulls out two baggies and already you see the goodies in them — self-printed photo cards of a member, fan art stickers, post cards, and a handmade purple bracelet. What’s more is that she hands them to you and Rosa, making you and Rosa squeal simultaneously.

“I’m handing these out at the venue and I wouldn’t want to run out before seeing you guys again.”

Immediately, you’re thanking her profusely and after another round of bidding each other later, you and Rosa head inside to the lobby of the hotel. It’s nothing fancy to be of note, but thankfully, it’s not sketchy either. The interior is quite simple yet spacious, the decor all in warm tones that matches the lighting, the accents emphasize on a deep mahogany wood. Off to the side, closest to the windows overlooking out onto the streets, is the lounge, the only area where it’s carpeted while the rest of the hotel is tiled, curtains drawn up and out of the way with an array of long couches and chairs surrounding coffee tables. The flat screen tv hanging on a single panel of wall space that perfectly divides the windows in half is set to a local news channel, displaying the weather and traffic around the city.

You and Rosa roll your carry-on towards the front desk, standing behind a few people ahead of you. It’s actually quite busy with lots of people coming in and out or taking up space in the lounge but all of it doesn’t surprise you because you have a sneaking suspicion as to why. Almost on cue, the group at the front begins to walk away, keycards in hand and bags full of BTS merchandise hanging off or stuck to their travel cases. Rosa nudges you but you’re already nodding with a grin on your face to show that you’ve noticed.

Checking-in was an easy process, what with both you and Rosa only needing one room with two beds to share. So you scurry off to the fifth floor, locating room 517 and as soon as you get the keycard on the door, you fling it open, rushing into the room with a bounce.

“Lemme change my outfit real quick! I feel like a slob and I can’t be looking like this in front of my boys!” You gasp, throwing your case onto the ground to open it.

“Oh shit you’re right. I need to put on liner or something! Can’t show my face like this to Jin.” Rosa says, doing the same with her carry-on case to pull out her little make-up pouch.

You grab your change of clothes, rushing to the bathroom and it felt like you were doing a quick change routine by how fast you managed to switch out everything. Looking in the mirror, you can’t help the grin on your face as you check yourself over. You’re wearing a black t-shirt with BTS’ logo taking up most of the front of the shirt while on the back lists all the members names in white text. It’s an old shirt, unofficial merchandise too but you’ve worn it the previous time you were lucky enough to go to their concert so you feel like it’s only right to bring it out again. After deliberating on a French tuck or a full on tuck, you decide to go with the latter, stuffing the ends into your distressed skinny jeans.

Satisfied, you step out to find Rosa already decked out in her concert gear that includes an RJ shirt over black cargo pants and RJ headband. She’s carefully applying lipgloss in the vanity and it prompts you to grab your own make-up bag until the both of you are crowding around another for the mirror. Once you’re done applying liner, some lip tint and other touch ups, you turn to Rosa.

“‘Kay, I’m good to go!”

She turns to you with a grin, grabbing both of your light sticks that’s set out on the bed, presenting it to you like it’s an Oscar. You can’t help letting out a boisterous laugh but take it from her anyways.

“Let's get it!”

You grab your bag, emptying out the things you wouldn’t need and leaving only your wallet, cellphone, charger bank, and keycard in. Stepping out, you make sure the door locks itself properly before you and Rosa start heading towards the elevators.

“So the venue is like… a ten minute walk from here, do you want to Uber it or walk?” You point out, pulling up Google maps as a reference.

“I’m good for walking because we’ll make it five if we power walk.”

Turns out, she’s right. Apparently Rosa’s enthusiasm sparks to double yours which you’ve completely underestimated because before you know it, you’re walking alongside other concert goers and then you see the first of the banners and then…

“Oh my God…” Rosa whispers beside you, absolutely vibrating but you nod, sharing the same sentiment.

There are banners with each members faces on it hanging from the flagpoles lining the walkway towards the stadium. Around on the grounds, there are canopies of tents selling official concert merchandise, light sticks and a giant wall poster with BTS at the centre, dressed to impress as always, giving the fans the opportunity to take a commemorative photo. It’s like a little marketplace for the fans — there’s so much to look at and so much to take in that it makes your heart pound but along with that, there are lines.

Oh the lines.

You gulp just looking at all the different lines leading to different activities and booths, how they seem to stretch for miles and miles, twisting and curving like one giant serpent. You can’t even begin to imagine how early some people must’ve arrived here in order to be the first twenty in line. Honestly, it makes you sweat a little, but somehow, you’re determined to embrace this madness, swept up by the hype and the fact that you may never get this chance again.

“Okay, what do we do first?” Rosa asks, “I’m really not about to try for that merch line but I really wanna do the photo booth. We didn’t get to do it last time right?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking too.”

“Okay! Photo booth line!”

So without a second thought, you and Rosa speed on over to the set up, racing to find the back of the line. You find it curving halfway around one of the buildings that was a washroom with vending machines posted out at the front. Once you made it, you and Rosa buckle down and play the hardest game known to any fan — the waiting game.

It wasn’t so bad you think, you and Rosa basically spent time catching up on things you didn’t get to talk about in the early morning, talk about which songs you’re looking forward to see live and even getting interrupted every once in a while by kind fans handing out freebies. Time is lost amongst the shared laughter, swept away in the electrified thrum of other people’s combined energy and you soak it all in, loving the feeling even if your cheeks ache from having smiled and laughed so much. You shuffle and move along with the line, at times, zoning in and out or simply watch what’s going on around you (you think it’s amusing how every time the venue staff would announce a round of items that were sold out, the awaiting crowd would groan or yell in anguish altogether; it resonates with your soul).

Soon, you find yourself within the winding barricade part of the line, thirty people deep and close enough to hear the squeals and squawks people are making when they first enter the photo booth.

“I’m totally gonna be like them when I go in, just completely lose my shit at holographic Jin.” Rosa points out, grinning.

“I’m just so excited to finally do it! It’s just too bad we can’t get any merch but at the same time, I’m pretty much too broke to afford anything.” You reply. Rosa nods solemnly in agreement.

Another half hour later, you’re finally at the front, waiting for your turn and you’re absolutely besides yourself, rocking on your heels to try to restrain from combusting. It’s hard to do because Rosa is bouncing in her spot which makes the monitoring staff giggle. You shy away a little, even though you know they’re probably used to it by now but your embarrassment doesn’t last long when two of the three booths become free and you’re given the go ahead along with Rosa. You’re laughing all the way in from hearing Rosa’s gradually fading scream.

Drawing back the curtains, you enter in the little room, brick red in colour with one ottoman bench fit for two people. On the wall in front is a touch screen with seven squares, each displaying a members face on it and all you have to do now is choose who you want a digital picture with.

Your finger moves as if on its own, right towards —

You stop.

It takes a second for you to realize where they hover, a hair’s breadth from his picture.

Jimin.

No…Not him. Not…

You shake your head, ridding the thought and this odd feeling that overcomes you in that second. You chalk it up as it finally hitting you how all of it seems so bizarre that you’re here to see BTS’ Jimin when all this time you had a literal clone of him manifested as a demon meant to protect you. It’s tripping you out, which is why it takes you a hot minute to get your head in the game, so to speak.

This is BTS’ Jimin — vocalist, dancer, model idol and member of BTS, the biggest boy group in the world right now. Park, nation’s angel/fairy, Jimin.

Totally different.

You repeat the words in your head like a mantra, convincing yourself before breathing in deeply. Then you press the icon, submit yes and watch with a rapidly beating heart as a countdown begins, the screen switching to the live selfie camera and on one, Jimin appears as if entering the booth. Your eyes dart up to the space he should be instinctively but you quickly chastise yourself, drawing back to the screen in front of you as you hear him speak a few lines. Even as a digital hologram he’s breathtaking, soft honey blonde hair swept off his forehead and dressed in a black suit that fits him so well that it’s almost criminal. He strides to sit beside you and you reel a bit, quickly trying to orient yourself on the seat in the screen and his figure, barely catching a few words in Korean that initiated the first photo take.

The countdown begins and you get into position, smiling towards the screen but within those three seconds, you catch sight of yourself and him; the way he leans into you, a soft smile adorning his lips and in that moment, your heart squeezes and you falter as the camera shutter goes off.

You blink, stunned but you can’t stop to process the feeling so you push it back as Jimin prompts for a second photo, this time holding his hand to form half a heart which you’re meant to complete.

This is BTS’ Jimin.

You hastily follow, almost stubbornly so as again, the countdown begins and you force a smile, angling yourself to look half as flattering as Jimin.

This is BTS’ Jimin.

The shutter goes off again, he says a few more sweet words before he walks off screen and you’re left to choose between the two pictures you’d taken to have printed.

You grimace as you scan them over — neither one of them are satisfying to you.

-

“I think your photo looks cute!” Rosa exclaims, looking over yours before giving you a nudge on the shoulder with a teasing glint in her eyes. “You two look good together.”

You nudge her back, taking the photo from her and stuffing it into your crossbody. “Stop, before some sasaeng overhears.”

Rosa cackles loudly, throwing her head back. “Oh please, a bitch can try to run up on you or me. I will fight.”

That pulls a laugh out of you but somehow, you have no doubts about it. Clicking her phone, Rosa checks for the time and with a glance, you’re shocked to see that you’ve already spent a good three hours around the venue. And a chunk of it was just waiting in a line.

“‘Kay now should be a good time to grab something to eat.”

At the mention of food, your stomach gurgles and churns in response and you’re surprised it’s only then that you feel the ache of not having eaten anything sufficient since six in the morning.

“Yeah, I’m starting to feel it now. Where should we go?”

Rosa hums, straining to look around as you come to the borders of the stadium grounds. She turns her head from one side of the street to the other and you follow her, spying a few familiar fast food chains by their company colours.

“I think we should grab something that we can take on the go, it’ll be easier in case we spontaneously decide to jump in a line again.”

You snort, not arguing with the idea but the thought of getting into another lineup is…. You’re gonna have to think on that after eating a sandwich or something. Your head cocks a little at that.

“How about a sandwich then? That’s pretty easy to carry around, and filling too.”

Your friend considers the idea and then nods, “Yeah, I can do that.”

It wasn’t hard to find a place that would meet your requirements of a delectable sandwich as the concert venue was situated very closely to the downtown parts of the city. It was only a matter of how far you’re both willing to walk, which is…not very far. You and Rosa both agreed that it would be in your best interests to stick around the venue because on your way to picking a spot, you chance your first look at the one lineup you and Rosa probably dreaded the most, outright feared.

“God is that—?”

“…Yeah….” The words come out short but heavily in a resigned sigh. Like with any other lines you’ve seen so far, this one stretches just as long with the only difference is that you can at least pinpoint exactly how and when it started. You easily spot the makeshift camp ground fans have created, tents of varying colours dotting along in the empty parking lot, peeking out from over the heads of those currently waiting in the queue for GA. Now your stomach churns uneasily for a different reason.

“Let’s hurry and get in before the line gets any longer!”

The both of you rush into action, entering the closest fast food establishment for the sake of not dallying but perhaps you think all in vain because it too was crowded with people, specifically other concert goers. At this point, there’s no escaping the wait anywhere and Rosa seems to realize too as she gives you a wry smile, moving to stand at the end of the formed line with you following suit. Another twenty minutes later, you and Rosa are dashing out, a bag in each hand containing your sandwiches, extra snacks and bottle of water. You’re out of breath when you finally reach the end of the line, ready to sit on the sidewalk and eat. To your pleasant surprise however, you find some familiar faces.

“Oh my God! Sam, Megan!” Rosa exclaims, wide eyed as the girls glance up from their phones respectively, wide smiles appearing on their faces when they see you and your friend. They envelope you in a hug each and you fall into conversations, all centred around what you’ve done so far in the venue, showing the pictures you took and freebies you got. It goes on for a while until you can’t stand it anymore and as politely as you could, informed that you must devour this sandwich now or else you would keel over. The first bite you took was nothing short of heavenly and it’s like a ravenous monster has been awakened because you think you downed it all in ten seconds flat.

Regardless, it does the job of filling your stomach with something so that it doesn’t end up eating itself but you somewhat had the thought before to try and portion it out, knowing you had a bit of a wait to get through before doors officially open. Within that time, you had also finished your bag of chips, sharing amongst the group and drank your fill of water. Hydration has always been the one thing everyone emphasizes the most when going to BTS’ concerts but you still struggle to find that balance between getting enough water and having too much water because who would want to have to go to the washroom in the middle of a concert? Plus, any water you don’t finish before security check you would have to throw away anyways.

You end up holding back on chugging your entire bottle, stopping when you felt like your bladder won’t explode any time soon but that means you’ll have to accept that the rest would be given to the trash.

Finally after some time, you’re startled from your stagnant position when the line ripples to life. You perk hearing the muffled bass of songs you’ve grown to love and know word for word despite the different language. Megan is the first to stand up, all of you at one point resorted to sitting right along the sidewalk edge, tip-toeing to see what the commotion was.

“I think doors are opening! The line looks like it’s moving now!”

The news has an immediate effect, the rest of you springing to your feet just as the people in front of you start shuffling forward. A surge of jitters tingles along your spine as you move along, inching closer and closer to the entrance. Not only does this mean you’ll be finally getting into the arena, but it also means that the concert is well on its way to starting soon. You catch yourself in time from bumping into the person in front of you when the line suddenly stops right on a bend. You think nothing if it until you hear murmurs of a commotion and see people actually leaving from their spots.

“What’s going on?” You ask, concerned.

“I think there’s a confusion between lines?” Sam answers, peering around the many bodies in front of you. You do the same, trying to worm your way through this broken telephone game until you hear someone raising their voice.

“Left side of this line is for GA!! This line is for seats!!”

“Ah shit!” Rosa curses, turning to Sam and Megan. “We gotta bounce then. Enjoy the show girls!”

“Bye!! You too! Now go, go!”

You wave hastily before Rosa is pulling your arm and you both go running to the newly formed line beside the one you were just in. You’ve made quite the jump, even if you are a bit aways still from seeing the front entrance. But it’s almost like it doesn’t matter because the line continues to move and before you know it, the doors are right in front of you.

“As soon as we get through the security gate, we’re booking it.” Rosa says, determined and fired up, even doing little stretches as if she’s getting ready to do a 100m sprint. You don’t argue with her though, chewing on your lower lip at thinking about how many people must already be in the pit, how your chances of getting a good spot is dwindling lower and lower with every people let in. Slowly, you grow more anxious and now you’re antsy to get your ass in ASAP because like hell, you’re going to be stuck with an awful view!

You swear it takes everything in you to remain as calm and collected on the outside as you can once it’s your turn for the security check. You present your crossbody, showing them the inside, dispose of the water bottle in the growing bin, pull up your ticket on your phone for verification and once you’ve given the all-clear—

“Go, go, go, go, go!” You take off, following the herd as your only means to finding the path to the concert pit, glancing over your shoulder to make sure Rosa is behind you (she is with a big goofy smile on her face). You hear the echoes of numerous excited voices bounce off the walls and they increase in volume, easily intermingled with instrumentals and growing clearer, more distinguishable as you approach. When you finally pass through the entryway, you feel your breath hitch.

The crowds are already gathered at the edges of the barricade, singing along to the music video being played on the large screens. Above and all around you, the seats are being filled by more fans, their light sticks twinkling to show their numbers. You rush to join in with everyone, coming to the space furthest left at the head of the stage, just a row or two behind others, brandishing your own light stick to switch on. With the app, you sync it up, right when Rosa joins you.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE WE’RE HERE AHHHH!!” Rosa screams, waving her light stick crazily and falling into the fan chant. You laugh, not caring how loud you might be. You spend the next remaining minutes dancing, singing, and screaming, immersing yourself in the energy all around you. Rosa pulls you in for selfies, taking commemorative videos every once in a while. It helps pass the time and as the final notes of the music video fades out, the lights dim and the screams are louder than ever. All eyes are glued to the intro VCR, your heart’s pumping in your ears as you feel the rush of adrenaline increase. You’re blown away by the visuals and you can’t help but to scream whenever the sight of any of the members appear (and this is all before they’re on stage dear god).

The video fades to black, transitioning into a new track as the spotlights light up one by one to the beat until it swells into a climax as extravagant stage props are revealed and the pyrotechnics are going off. You truly lose all sense of inhibition when from the floor of the stage, seven figures emerge. You don’t know if you’re shaking from the force of your scream, the screams of a thousand people around you reaching a whole new level of pitch and intensity, or from the booming stereos that begin to blast their title track.

They were nothing short of incredible, you’re starstruck at how coordinated they were, all the while maintaining such stable vocals, not to mention look absolutely stunning in their stage outfits — sparkly black suits with varying gold accents that decorate their shoulders or as lapels, giving off very princely vibes. And you’re witnessing all of this with your own two pair of eyes. Never have you ever been this close to them before where you seldom rely on the big screen camera in front of you and you’re having trouble on where your eyes should be, so captivated by their aura and charisma.

So you find yourself screaming names left and right when you’re not shouting the fan chant. The first song comes to an end though it doesn’t mean that the energy doesn’t carry on as after a moment’s pause, the next song starts up, another hit single everyone recognizes and loves. When the lines of the first verse starts, the boys start making their way down the catwalk towards the thrust stage. As they move, so does the audience, all eager to keep their eyes on them no matter what. It’s hard to fight the wave so you can only go with it, forced to shift from your original spot to something a little less than favourable. You’re still too far up the main stage that the only thing you see is their backs and try as you might, half the time a phone is blocking your view.

It’s a struggle but you make do with the large screen and when there’s a song this hype playing, it’d be a crime to not do anything besides dance and cheer at the top of your lungs. And that’s what you love about their concerts; the moment you step into the arena it’s like you’re transported into another world, a place where you can let loose and for once be happy, blessed and thankful.

No more worries, no more what-ifs.

You’re going to seize this moment as if it’s your last.

When the song comes closer to the end, the members gradually make their way back to the main stage, waving to the crowd as they go and you swear Namjoon had returned your wave, dimpled smile on display. You can’t help the squeal that comes from your mouth.

When the last notes end, you finally turn to assess your surroundings, the crowd once more shifted but thankfully you spy Rosa not far from you so you maneuver yourself to her. She greets you ecstatically.

“DID YOU SEE JIN?! HE HAD PURPLE HAIR!! I’M GONNA DIE!!”


“I KNOW!! AND NAMJOON WAVED AT ME!!”

The two of you fangirl until the VCR is done and the melodies of another song bubbles over the speaker. Once more, the attention of everyone in the arena draws towards the main stage and from there, it starts all over.

You work up a sweat dancing and singing along to the songs, breathless in the best way possible. You were enjoying the concert through and through, the only issue you have was your throat beginning to burn a little more than usual from all your screaming and the sea of people you’re currently swimming in is getting a bit more pushier. But the night was still young and though you’ve been dancing nonstop for four song straight, there was nothing stopping you when the spotlights turn into a warm golden yellow, the ones along the ground turning green and the first notes of possibly your favourite song starts to play.

From the floor, Jimin’s figure rises up, voice as light as a feather filtering through the building and instantly, you’re entranced.

Before, you had been unsure of how you would react to seeing the original Jimin on stage, the apprehension nearly smothering you as you waited but like a spell, as soon you laid eyes on him, singing and dancing so gracefully, so effortlessly, you knew that this was someone else entirely different. Now dressed in a flowing silk shirt embroidered with crystals that twinkle endlessly in the spotlight, he has singlehandedly rendered you speechless as the rest of the thousands watching him. Your eyes were glued to him, heart swelling with emotions as you watch him in his element, nailing each step and note and like caught in a siren’s song, you itch to be closer. Scanning around, you try to find an opening you can squeeze through, anything.

You see a space, big enough for you to stand in and without even thinking twice you surge forward, weaving as best you can before the chance disappears. You bypass two people, grazing their shoulders but shrinking in on yourself pays off because your view is even better than ever. Now you’re a row away from the metal barricade and when you focus back on Jimin—

You’ve heard many times that photos don’t do any of the members justice, not even a fraction of how they look but being this up close, you think it’s the understatement of the century. You’re stunned, mind going blank like it has trouble processing the fact that there is a human being that exists in this world you’re living in that is beautiful beyond words and his name is Park Jimin and you’re currently staring at him, in person.

Being this up close, you can see the details of his movements, how every part of his body from the tips of his fingers to his toes is adding something to this choreograph to make it that much more fluid or powerful. You see the rings on his fingers glint as he brings it up to run it through honey blond hair, strands falling so delicately and softly against the thin sheen of sweat against his forehead, it has you mesmerized. And then you see the beginnings of a secret smile, one that starts in his eyes before stretching over his lips as he sings those sweet words. You don’t stop yourself from swooning loudly because you’re not the only one who’s affected. The song ends all too soon, Jimin backing away to be lowered down on the stage but not without throwing another smile out towards the audience, gaze so full of love for the people around him as he sings the last notes and you feel like you can finally breathe properly again.

You find yourself laughing, half in disbelief and giddiness, smile so wide thinking that that performance was closer to a spiritual experience more than anything.

BTS’ Jimin is truly something else.

So caught up in it all, you fail to notice that, at some point, you’ve lost your friend Rosa, only after when you turn your head, ready to gush about Jimin and finding that she’s no where to be seen. You had the mind to look, but it’s difficult for you less you want to lose your newly obtained good spot. Besides, the lights darkening makes it even harder to distinguish her. You leave it for now, as the next song starts up; if you can’t find her by the end of the concert, you can always call her. With that settled, you return your attention back to the next member performing.

You’re thankful for the relatively slower songs, allowing you to the time to recover and more importantly, keep the crowd controlled to a rhythmic swaying. You hate to admit it, but you really wished you had bought another water bottle even if they did cost you an arm and a leg in the arena. Your throat aches uncomfortably, making swallowing hard even if it’s a knee jerk reaction in an attempt to quench your thirst. The most you can do now is refrain yourself by simply mouthing along to the lyrics but it’s a lot easier said than done. You still catch yourself shouting the fan chants when the timing comes up even when you sound like a dying cat (but who says no to the Kim Namjoon?!)

Perhaps a poor decision on your part because then comes the medley.

You feel it in the crowd before the track even kicks in, like the tides pulling back in a telling sign that a tsunami would follow and you have no choice but to ride it, too deep into the sea of bodies to put up any sort of resistance. You’re forced to move as close to the thrust stage as possible, everyone trying desperately to grab the boys’ attention as they walk along the edges. It pushes you until you’re on the left side of the catwalk behind two rows of people now, much to your chagrin but you don’t linger on it long, too immersed in the heavy beats of the song that makes you dance with reckless abandon.

Your spurt of energy doesn’t last you long as you quickly tire, heart hammering as loud as the bass in your chest you feel like it would burst through your ribs, and what’s worse is that every ragged inhale and exhale of breath agitates your scratchy throat. The t-shirt you’re wearing is too damp for your liking, clinging to your skin and does nothing but add to the heat already surrounding you. You slow yourself down, fighting off a dizziness the overcomes you, like you’ve accidentally stood up too fast and your shoulder collides into someone. You get shoved back and though there wasn’t any real strength behind it, you stumble, barely catching yourself. You think a couple of toes have been stepped on but you think it’s collateral damage at this point, too preoccupied with trying not to succumb to this moment of weakness.

Breathe, relax, you’re fine!

You blink rapidly and as if out of sheer willpower, it begins to subside, the dark hazy border clouding your vision seeps away. You remain in your spot for a while longer, making sure that it goes away completely and once you’re sure, you focus back in on what’s happening. You’ve been moved way farther back into the crowd than you had thought, maybe about ten steps away from reaching one of the sides of the catwalk. You’re surrounded on all sides by jumping bodies, the high of the atmosphere showing no signs of stopping and with the boys still partying it up on the stage, it’s all it takes to pull you back in.

Literally nothing will stop you from seeing this concert to the end.

“Everybody say—!!” You think you hear Jungkook scream and you can’t help laughing but join in to the chorus of thousands of others singing along. The song tapers to a simple beat, the main instrumentals dying off a bit so that you could really hear the echoing voices and see the way members egg on the audience. It gradually builds again, you realize it’s a remix in place of the original song that seems even more hype than should be possible. It’s gearing up for a drop you know would have the whole arena lose their mind over as the boys travel back towards the main stage. You naturally follow the crowd, always vying to get a better view just as the music picks up and everyone starts jumping in place again.

You’re torn from trying to see the actual stage or the big screen, so keen on keeping your eyes on them until the song comes to an end. You’re out of breath once more, shoulders heaving in effort and the foggy feeling creeps back again. The stage lights dim until the only source of light you have is the big screen playing the next VCR. You distantly hear the dreamy soundtrack, a mere muffled sound against the ringing in your ears. You try desperately to make it pass, along with this dizzy spell and you shut your eyes in hopes of doing so.

It was meant to be for a moment; just like the first time it happened, you had expected for it to pass easily, only… it doesn't.

It’s like your body decided to shut down without notice, going numb before you even had a chance to fight it.

It all happened so fast.

When you become conscious again, you’re extremely disoriented, vaguely aware that you’re not where you thought you would be — on the ground, trampled with a concussion and causing a whole scene by having a team of on site paramedics surrounding you (and if you’re being honest, you’re thankful that it’s not the case because you would rather take the concussion, unconscious and all than having to see thousands of people and all the members of BTS remember you in that way).

Vision clearing a little more, you slowly start to piece the shapes and colours that come together until you recognize them as eyes…

You…You know those eyes….

Time seems to slow until you’re taken back to the night you first met eyes with a pair of crimson ones. You remember how vibrantly they gleam against the dark, burning so deeply into your soul that you had dared not breathe. Those eyes stared at you with an intensity that had frightened you from the power they hold, yet you learned that they can shine with mirth, twinkle impishly, soften in tenderness, become the moon and hold endless stars and galaxies that had you wanting to see more.

But now, they stare back at you, pupils shaking in an amalgamated storm of emotions so palpable you wonder if the stars had burnt out and the world was no more.

Distress.

Panic.

But above all, fear.

“Y/N….? Hey Y/N, can you hear me?”

You blink, rousing from your daze, the faint smell of lavender intermingling with burnt wood enveloping you like a warm blanket— a comforting and familiar scent. You turn to get a better look at the owner of this voice but all it does is throw you in for another loop.

Jimin is staring down at you, wide eyed in alarm. The black surgical mask he’s wearing is pushed down, revealing full lips parted in a way that can only be described as holding his breath, bracing for the worst. The hoodie he has pulled over his head makes it hard to get a good look at him, the orange cast of the light above almost intensifying the shadows over his face that it has you squinting, wanting to discern his features, wanting to confirm that it’s him but his voice alone should’ve been enough.

“Ji…Jimin…?” You wince at the croak you just let out, voice completely shot and sore but you need to know if this is real or not, still feeling so out of sorts. Gently, you’re being propped up into more of a sitting position and something touches the bottom of your lip.

“Drink…”

As soon as you get that first sip of the cool liquid, it’s like you come to life again, grasping at the bottle to gulp down more like you’ve spent the past hours in a desert rather than in a concert arena.

“Slow down cherub….”

A bit spills over, trickling down your chin but you don’t care, the feeling is welcomed against your hot skin. After having your fill, you pull away to take a deep breath, finding the strength to support yourself though you feel the solid arm behind you linger.

“Wha — What happened….Where..?” You mumble, bringing a hand to press to your forehead, to yourself or to him you’re not sure.

“You blacked out, probably from dehydration. I had to get you out before you got seriously hurt.”

“Out…?”

The word belatedly registers with you but when it does, your gaze whips around you, taking in your surroundings for the first time. You’re outside, on the side of the building that acts more like a back alley meant for delivery trucks and it’s secret employees-only side doors that more or less, lead to the dumpsters you see farther down the way. It’s dark out, the night air much cooler now and distantly, you hear the cheers and the thumping of the bass, the concert still going on.

The concert!

A gasp flies from your lips as you spring to your feet, so fast your world spins and you would’ve toppled over had it not been for a hand to steady your shoulders.

“Y/N! What are you— “

“I-I have to get back! The concert—!” You sputter, cutting yourself off from a cough that tears through you, making you duck into the crook of your elbow in hopes of quelling it. Your feet falter in trying to figure out which way you should go but that wasn’t the only thing holding you back.

“Wait, just hold on a second—!”

You’re tugging against his hold on your wrist, eyes watering from the force of your cough but all you hear is the waves of excited screaming and the start of a new song which rings more like the tolls of a bell signalling time is running out. You become more frantic and frustrated — at him, at yourself. All at once, these tumultuous thoughts surge forward, consuming you in their urgency; you’re blowing it, completely throwing this chance away, couldn’t even do this one thing right, why couldn’t you just hold out?

It was all a waste. You really don't deserve any of this.

“Let go of me! I need to—!”

“Y/N! STOP!”

You’re jerked back quite suddenly, firm hands taking hold of both your shoulders until you feel your back pressing into the rough brick wall of the building. Your mouth parts, a retaliation ready at the tip of your tongue but you’re cut off with a hard shake.

“Are you out of your mind right now?! What do you think you’re going to accomplish going back in there in your state?!”

“Can you just lay off?! I’m fine!”

“You can barely hold yourself up! I’m not letting you put yourself in danger!”

“I DON’T CARE!”

“Y/N LOOK AT ME!”

His voice snaps you out of your frenzy, the sheer volume of it able to pull you out of the spiralling decent into your own madness — you don’t think you’ve ever heard him shout before. The revelation makes you pause and it’s enough for you to finally become aware of what’s in front of you.

At some point, his hoodie had fallen off, letting you finally see him. He’s everything you had remembered seeing, still so utterly beautiful in that otherworldly way that it’s almost heartbreaking. Your mind can’t help but to replay those images of him on stage, so ethereal and mesmerizing until they shift, melting away altogether to what you see in front of you — raven locks replacing the honey blond, slightly more disheveled against his forehead, strands sticking to a light sheen of sweat that makes the bruising stand out more against paler skin, and stormy blue irises for a subdued scarlet, the faintest glow barely visible behind those eyes that look at you in such a pained way.

It’s a sobering sight, one that has your heart clenching.

This isn’t BTS’ Jimin.

No, he’s —

You’re slightly out of breath but you realize you both are, his exhales fanning warm against your lashes. You see Jimin’s eyes search yours, not really sure what he’s trying to find in them but you don’t want to know, too afraid of that answer. After a tense moment, he asks, a single question falling from his lips in a disquieted whisper that resonates above the cacophony that surrounds you, inside and out.

“Why….?”

Why…. It tumbles around in your head chaotically with no signs of reaching any conclusions, the thoughts disjointed and fragmented for your mind to even begin processing. It dredges up feelings you’ve unconsciously tried to bury, way more than you had imagined and it becomes too much for you to handle right now, much less put into words. But perhaps above everything, you can’t find it in you to face any of it.

You break eye contact first, turning away from the intensity that has you feeling more vulnerable than it should.

“I....You—….” You struggle to form the words past the trembling in your voice, hands balling into fists until they dig crescents into your palms, on the precipice of breaking down entirely from experiencing so many heightened emotions in one night that you just want it to end. “Forget it…Please, you— you wouldn’t understand….”

You don’t look up to see his expression, won’t dare to but you feel the way his hold tenses, going rigid until slowly, his fingers begin to slip away, touch barely brushing the tops of your forearm before they recoil completely. And then you feel his warmth leave you as he steps back, feet heavy and you miss the way the glow in his eyes extinguishes, leaving nothing more than an empty, dark abyss.

“You’re right…. I wouldn’t…” He rasps, the resignation palpable and your heart squeezes again without your permission. Your guardian demon doesn’t say anything more, the silence threatening to suffocate you but you’re moving before it has the chance to, pushing away from the wall even though your steps hesitate.

You feel like you should say something, guilty conscious tugging you to hold you in place, the words I’m sorry sitting on the back of your tongue but when you swallow, what comes out instead is, “I…should go…”

You run without looking back, ashamed.

A coward.

-

You find your way into the arena following the sounds of the cheering crowd, rising continuously in crescendos. You have no sense of how much time had passed, the lack in any distinguishable song playing makes you sprint and when you burst through the entrance, the entire place is bathed in violet and magenta as the white lights of people’s cellphones twinkle all around you like a sea of constellations in a galaxy.

“This is gonna be the last song for tonight, love you guys, let’s go.” Namjoon says, a bittersweet smile on his face as the music begins to play and everyone cries out again in recognition. You’re left bewildered, not wanting to believe that the concert is coming to a close already and after a brief moment of stunned silence, you force yourself to move, rejoining the crowd in the pit. You walk, wanting to immerse yourself again and finding a spot on the farthest side of the stage, closest to one of the big screens displaying the members. All around, people are singing along to the uplifting lyrics of the song and you do as well, but it’s like your body and mind are on autopilot, completely numb.

Your thoughts are running rampant inside, the fight still fresh no matter how much you’re trying to take everything in around you, commit them to memory before…

Before what?

Before you lose this small piece of happiness you’ve ever known? Or are you afraid of losing the feeling it brought you, when watching these seven amazing men who share their music that heals the hearts of so many no longer bring that sense of comfort and joy to you, but instead remind you of sad, distant memories full of unspoken words, yearning and regret.

You can almost feel it already happening.

The song comes to an end, continuing on in an instrumental loop as the members gather up to do one final bow at the thrust stage, hand in hand. Afterwards, they disperse, each taking their time to wave and interact with the fans from all corners of the stage before leaving through the lift at the main stage. You catch sight of Taehyung on the catwalk waving and gesturing cutely, Hoseok who’s eyes are glued to the far off seats, grin broad and waving enthusiastically to make sure that the fans there are not forgotten, Jin who makes a show of following the camera to blow kisses into it for everyone to see….

And then your eyes wander unconsciously, searching for him, for Jimin who’s ever the sweetheart, is running to the farthest left of the stage he can reach, right in front of where you’re standing to greet the fans there. He's radiant, a stunning smile stretching over his face so wide in a way that makes his eyes turn into crescents but you know no doubt that they sparkle in pure happiness as they look out to the fans, like he’s trying to memorize each and every face of the people who made all his dreams come true. Jimin waves to as many people as he can, blowing kisses here and there and occasionally gesturing to those to not cry and smile.

You watch on fondly, but your chest begins to ache uncontrollably in a way you don’t think is because he’s beginning to make his way back to centre stage, ready to leave. He walks languidly, like he’s trying to draw out as much time as he can while his eyes still remain focused out onto the fans and in that moment, he looks your way.

You’re not even sure if it’s just your mind playing tricks on you but you see him so clearly. With the softest smile gracing his lips, you lock eyes, his gaze so warm and adoring and as cliche as it sounded, the world slows and you see him mouth something that makes the breath catch in your throat.

I love you.

He reaches out a hand to wave one last time before he’s turning away, screaming those same words again into the microphone to let the whole arena know and with that, the boys are lowered down. The music fades, there’s a final huzzah as a massive lit up panel with the band’s logo rises up to take up centre stage and like a movie, the credits begin rolling on screen, signalling the official end of the concert. People around begin to disperse, intending on leaving to beat the rush of traffic while there are some who remain in their spots to watch the extra practice footage the boys took.

You are the latter, however your attention is not on the clips rolling, rather you are lost amidst a turmoil of emotions as your mind seems to be stuck on replaying that moment with Jimin. You’re not sure why, can’t understand the affect it has on you when logically you know this isn’t the first time you’ve seen something like it. It’s almost a bit absurd until you realize….

For the split second it happened, you had wished for raven hair and deep ruby eyes.

[lorenzodemedisi]

Mother’s Love.

PAIRING. 

Steve Rogers x Enhanced!Reader; Stephen Strange x Enhanced!Reader (enemy?); Avengers x Enhanced!Reader. 

SUMMARY.

After the battle in Wakanda, Thanos didn’t use the stones. No him and his army just disappeared and now he awaits, hidden in the shadows. 

The Avengers and others heroes decide to re-group at the compound, and think of a new strategy to finally defeat their enemy. Dr. Strange had a plan but is something that you might not like...at all. 

A/N.

Angst and Fluff. 

This is my entry for @captain-kelli, Captain Kelli’s 500 Fam Writing Challenge. Congratulation on your milestones girl! Prompt;  “I could do it better! And in heels.”. The theme is Strong Women, and today I really wanted to put a light on strong Mothers; their power and love. Don’t hesitate to give me your thoughts, message, and comments. Hope you will like it and thank you for reading!

Gifs are not mine, credits to the owner and maker. 

A lots of love. Lex!xxx

WORDS.3020ish. 

°°°

You felt your heart beating hard inside your chest, hurt, confusion and anger pressing your from inside out, making your body shaken hard, standing beside your husband. You felt his hand taking yours, his skin pressing your fingers together, reminding you that he was here with you but you couldn't acknowledge him right now. Not after what Strange just announced to everyone.

" You must be mistaken, Stephen. " You took a step forward, breaking the contact you had with Steve, your eyes only on the face of the man who just turned inside out your world. " Unfortunately, no. I wish we would not come to this - " " You wish! " You hissed your fuming gaze inside his regretful blue eyes, you make a fist of your hands, already feeling the energy gathering under your skin. " I will make you wish to never cross me. " You argued, your voice hard as steel, your breath ragged, but determinate to beat his ass. " Alright let's put everyone on a time out and tried to consider for a bit. " Tony interjected the little fight between the wizard and yourself putting his body in front of you. " I think we all need time to re-group and think of this new strategy-" " There is no " new " strategy to think of. " You interrupted the billionaire frowning at him before glaring toward the doctor once again. " Besides, a hard and final; no. " You snarled between your teeth, unfazed by the different gaze of other superheroes coming from other galaxies or planets.

You turned around on your heels, and quickly started to walk out of the room, leaving the other in shock, surprise but also understanding your reaction. The click of your heels echoed inside the hallway as you distance yourself from doing something stupid to the wizard or anyone else. Actually, you didn't care what they were all thinking back there, your only preoccupation was on the only person who mattered inside your eyes right now. 

"Y/N?" Steve called behind you, following you through the corridor of the compound. " What didn't you say anything? " You sharply turned around, surprising him as the blond-man froze dead in his tracks. " Y/N…" Steve sighed, his voice full of sadness and exhaustion. " This is a delicate situation and-" " No. It's not, Steve! " You cried out, furious with the lack of his reaction. "There is no need to think about it or even discuss the fact with the other. " You vaguely pointed the door behind him, where were gathered a high amount of heroes. "The answer is no. A hard no. " You declared loudly, panting. Your hands starting to shake more from anger and frustration. Why everyone acted like it was normal to consider this sacrifice and you were the only one seeing the truth? " I know that. We have to consider another alternative…" Steve tired voice told you while making a step toward your angry frame. " So why, I felt like the only one in there being alone against everyone? Why don't you had my back? " You continued to shout, interrupting him once again, tears threatening to fall on your cheeks. " I have your back, Y/N. " The Captain also yelled at your face, outraged of your accusation. He took a deep breath, calming his emotions looking down on his shoes, for a minute. " I have your back. " He repeated calmer, rising his head to look at your face. " And I already told you, this fight his a delicate one. We all need to be on the same page and threatening an ally is not how we need to handle this. " He explained, making another step and gently took your hand inside his big one.

You let your blurry sight looking away from his blue eyes, and watched the compound's ground behind the huge glass windows. The sun was almost up, and you realized that you've been locked inside the room at the end of the hall for almost all night. Exhausted you closed your eyes, and bit your lips while Steve pushed on your hand to make you take the one last step that separated both of your bodies apart. You face collied on his tone chest, and his protective arms enlaced your trembling figure inside a thigh hug.

" I will never let anything happen to our baby girl or you. " He murmured leaning his head inside the crook of your neck, his lips brushing your ear. " I promise you with all my heart that I will be long dead before someone touches her head." He added, pressing a soft skin on your skin.

You sniffed against the fabric of his shirt, holding on your tears as hard as you could, the reassuring words of your husband playing inside your brain and appeasing your worries inside your mind.

" Let's go join them. " Steve whispered, pulling his figure away from you. " We have to take a decision, together. Something which will suit everybody. " Steve declared, in his deep and firm leader voice.

It was easier to say that to accomplish.

°°°

Because of your different personalities, different historical backgrounds and also deep and true nature, it was difficult to make a conclusion of what would be the best approach to win against Thanos and his army.

" So, after hours of deliberation, we all conclude that we can't take him by force, surprise or with subtlety. " James Rhodes enumerated reminding everyone of what you haven't decided to do within these thirteen hours of searching. " So, we all going to die. That's fun. " He nodded, taking a seat next to an annoyed Clint at the huge table inside the room. " Maybe if we go with my idea…" Dr. Strange mumbled under his breath not looking at anyone in particular, standing a little bit at the edge of the group.

You snarled and glared at him, ready to cut his irritating head from his irritating body if he mentioned his horrible idea once again.

" Maybe the wizard had a point. " The One who names himself Star-Lord, winced crossing his arms on his chest. " Excuse me? " You sneered, turning your dark eyes toward the brown-haired man. " All I'm saying is that maybe it worth a shot. " He shrugged his shoulders, grimacing, even more, feeling all the eyes of the room were on him. " No, it's not. " You firmly replied to him, before Steve could defuse the situation. You raised yourself from your seat, your angriness growing once again inside your core. " Come on, Y/N. I'm sure your daughter could do it. " The wizard remarked striding toward the table, purpose inside his eyes. " She's only three, Stephen. Stop this nonsense and lets us think of something more conclusive who doesn't involve my daughter's safety. " Steve raised his voice inside the room covering the little chats amongst the different groups seating at the table.

His features resolved and set, showing no discussion could change his or your mind, but when the magician had something in mind he was ready for anything to accomplish his purpose.

" I don't agree. " Stephen grinned eying you, and only you. " She would be fine." " And I would be better. " You affirmed him, blowing your fists covering in brigh force field against the wooden table in front of you making everyone jolted inside their seats. " Good. " The wizard concluded, taking his hands away from his pockets. "Because he's here." He announced taking a deep breath.

Nobody had the time to fully understand the meaning of his words before the ground shook and devastated started to wreck everything on the building.

°°°

Dark smoke everywhere made you coughed inside your hand, while walls shooke the grounds by falling down on everything and everyone. You couldn't see anything only heard cries, here and there from people trying to free themselves from this nightmare. You closed your eyes, feeling a headache beginning to ponder inside your skull, but suddenly you felt a hand griping your arm hard and raised your body from the holes you were lied on to the surface. You gasped for air, your eyes opening wide as you felt warm hands on your face and a distinct familiar voice calling you.

" Y/N? Y/N? Can you hear me? "

You shifted your eyes toward the voice, your eyes catching Steve's blue one. He sighed seeing you alive, a faint smile creeping on his face but quickly the sharp sound of weapons clashing against one and other, guns and other powers drowned toward the enemy made him looked away. Toward the battlefield. 

" He's here. " You moaned, putting yourself into a seating position, crunching your nose when you felt the injuries inside your rib cage and thighs burning you. " Yeah…" Steve nodded faintly, raising his eyes on the battle ahead of you, looking through for the Titan. " Great. " You sighed, biting your lips hard realizing that the final battle had knocked hard on your doorstep. All of sudden you realized something, that made your blood boiled with madness. " Where's Strange? " You demanded, turning your eyes toward the battle scolding your eyes at all the individuals.

You didn't wait for an answer from your husband to raise your body from the destroyed ground and started to run. You felt all your limbs were heavy with exhaustion and injuries but you continued to run, without thinking about anything but about the teleportation abilities of the wizard and his knowledge of the location of your daughter. You passed by many Dora Milaje fighting aliens, quickly your eyes caught Tony in his suit flying above your head, followed closely by Sam and the Valkyrie. Your eyes were everywhere but you couldn't find the wizard anywhere. You groaned frustrated, unaware of being the target of aliens weapons, you heard the sharp cries coming closer, and your eyes caught sight of them, but it was too late. They were upon you a second and being thrown away from a large hammer, the next. You pushed the next wave of monsters with a wave of your hand, craning your neck to look at Thor behind you.

" Where's Strange? " You asked him, yelling over the battle shout around you. " A thank you would also be nice. " He raised an eyebrow, his hand opened in front of him to get a hold of his hammer coming back toward him, knocking a few aliens along the way. " He's over the barricade, holding down the water. Why? " The God of Thunder asked, making out a bolt of lightning with the tip of his fingers and hit with it another bunch of your enemies.

You quickly searched for him, behind your back but found yourself blown away by a huge amount of power. And this time no one was there to save your ass as your body got thrown on the ground, hard. You felt bone-breaking because of the blow you received, colliding against the rough soil.

" I heard quite a tale Miss Y/N. " A deep and mocking voice told you reaching your ears even if multiple battles screams were all around you. You groaned, feeling your injuries tearing you apart all your frame, and rose your head opening your eyes to watch the dark purple head of the Titan smirking at you. " Here we meet again. " He smiled, his dark eyes filled with mischief and darkness.

You groaned, even more, feeling the copper taste of blood on your tongue, your wobbling legs getting your body up. You stood awkwardly, patches of dirt and dry blood on your skin, your hair all messed up. It was only you and him, apparently. Good.

" Maybe I should pay a little visit to your dear daughter of yours. The wizard thinks highly of her. " He started advancing on you, still smiling. 

Oh no he didn't. At the mention of her, your eyes widen in shock but also anger and hatred. Rage started to grow inside of your body erupting inside your heart.

" She's three right? " Thanos asked, still grinning. You felt the hot flame of outraged growing inside your stomach, your legs started to shake feeling warm wrath emanating all over you. " And he really thinks she can be the key to beat me and this. " He chuckled raising his arm strapped into the gold gauntlet, all the Infinity Stones bright with glow and colors. " That's a bit…too much, don't you think?" " H-He w-wanted to make an s-s-sac-crifice of her or s-somethin'. " You stuttered, your voice trembling from the boiling emotions that were exploding inside of you. You watched him stop into his tracks, just a few meters away from you, looking at you from up-down. " That's funny. Maybe I should start by killing you and then go make a little visit to her. " He suggested, starting to make a fist of his hand wearing the most powerful weapon in the world. " And, I would get to see if she's actually good enough to… destroyed me. " He shrugged his shoulders, his eyes catching the magic trick of Dr. Strange was making with his hands, standing a few feet away from you. Gold lines were appearing everywhere between his fingers.

Your eyes were only on the man who had utterly threaten your daughter's life. You couldn't feel anything, nor the ground under your heels, nor the floating glow around you but only the anger. The fury coming from you was unyielding love of a mother, that would do anything to protect her little one from this sick monster. Stephen Strange tried to hold on the Titan for a long time but with a flick of a gem, he got knocked out on the ground.  

" You really think you could have a shot to defeat me, you lower rank magician," Thanos chuckled, shaking his head at the man lying. " No…" The dark-haired man shook his head looking up at the figure in the sky. " I could do it better! And in heels. " You declared high in the sky, your eyes glowing like flame ready to destroyed and burned everything on his way. "Goodbye, you freak. "

Quickly you rose both of your hands and let the anger pondering inside of you for hours wreak havoc on the battlefield. Time stop, body froze, some felt on the ground, some raised their head to look at the firebird bright in the dark sky. You were nothing but, power. Raw power, destroying, ruining and killing the opponents by shattering their body in pieces. Your eyes were only on the man who had menaced your child, feeling the deep pool of your power breaking the smirk of his face made you pulled inside of it, again and again, your rage, protectiveness and love never-ending if it meant the safety of your child. You continued to ruin everything until nothing was left of his body, his army and his ships in the sky. Until you felt no more pain, anger or any feelings at all.

°°°

Something smooth was stroking you. Light and as soft as a feather. You slowly opened your eyes, feeling the caress trying to pry on your neck and tickled you. Bright light through the windows made you close your eyes quickly but the little sensation on your skin put a faint smile on your lips. You were awake, alive and... well had some company. You tried again to open your eyes once again, slowly this time and turned your face toward the little disturbance. The little girl opened her blue eyes wide seeing you smile at her.

" Awake! Mommy is awake." She cried out in a delicious laugh, her face lightened up. She rushed her small body against yours her little arms enlacing your neck.

You chuckled, your nose brushing her little head. You raised with difficulty your arm to stroke her back. You rose your head and caught the sight of your husband smiling at you. You licked your lips, feeling a little bit sore, your injury not completely healed and winced a bit as you pushed yourself into a seating position, your back against the bed headboard.

" Hi, baby. " You whispered, your voice hoarse and dry. " How's my baby girl? " You murmured as she pulled away from your neck and put a gentle kiss on your cheek. " Alright, Audrey let mummy breathe a little bit. " Steve announced walking toward the bed you were resting, before stroking the hair of his girl. " No, it's ok." You murmured smiling at the blond-man. " Mummy wants another cuddle, come here. " You proposed opening your arm the other still numb. " Yeah, cuddle! " Audrey exclaimed, pushing her body against your collarbone, her hand enlacing your neck once again. She closed her eyes, her head resting on your shoulder.

You put another kiss on her head, and breath, your nose pressed against her skin, reassured that she was here, with you. You opened your eyes and slid your face to look at Steve.

" What happened? " You inquired shifting your eyes toward your husband while holding on your breath waiting for his reply. One hand protectively on your Audrey's back. " Everything and everyone is fine. " Steve smiled, before pushing his body to hover yours and your little one. " Thanks to you, mama bear. " He murmured, his clear eyes bright in the natural light of the room.

Steve put a soft kiss on your lips and sat on the edge of your bed, reaching for his daughter to put her little body on his lap. The little family was reunited and started to enjoy their moment after complicate and dark times.  However, the wandering eyes spying on them through the clinic window was a colorful addition to the mix.

" Don't look like me like this. " The dark-haired man scoffed, arranging the collar of his cap. " I do what I had to do for us to win. Mother's love is the most powerful and dangerous thing out there." He shrugged his shoulders at the two soldiers glaring at him. " I had to make her angry, and that was the only way. " He continued to justify himself, as he started to walk outside the room, following by the desperate look of Sam and angry stares of Bucky. "Desperate times need desperate measures, soldiers. " Stephen Strange told them still striding to the exit, his back to them.

°°° Tag List; @jtargaryen18 @princessdancingonthesunshine @captain-kelli​ @fckdeusername​

[writerwrites]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Protégé to Bruce Banner, Rosemarie finds herself working closely with and befriending the Avengers. Friendship, lust, heartbreak, and so much more find her along this heartbreaking journey into new adulthood. Rosemarie discovers her self-worth and that home is where the heart is… she’ll just have to figure out what her heart is saying first.

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: Smut 18+, language, angst, fluff, language, ye ole slow burn, and eventually death, pregnancy, love triangle… or love adjacent to a triangle? It’s complicated.

playlist . masterlist

A/N: This WIP is intentionally made to ruin all of our lives with feels. You were warned. It’s just my writing style, but I use a name for the reader, in this case Rosemarie, so adjust your imaginations as you read, fam. Also, I do what I want, so don’t come at me for MCU canon timelines. The most notable YOLO in this series is that Bucky/Winter Soldier is an Avenger pre-Blip, Banner isn’t in space, and though there’s tension between the Tony and Cap ‘sides’ of the Sokovia Accords they’re all trying to work together. Avenging is not a main point to this story, but that’s the clarification I will give you. I hope you enjoy my first posted fic, leave a comment, review, message, etc.

Chapter 1: Let’s fall in love for the night...

--- STARK INDUSTRIES: THE TOWER; MIDTOWN MANHATTAN ---

“To the wolves,” Natasha whispered to Bruce as she pressed her fingers to his chest, stopping him from coming to his employee’s rescue. It wasn’t a malicious act, Nat had sized her up as ‘new to this’ and she wasn’t wrong. Rosemarie’s rapid ladder climbing in academia and internships had kept her barred from most parties. At first it was because she was underage, but even in her last year, most people found her intimidating or shy. Natasha glowed like a friend full of faith in a new puppy- or maybe it was the expensive brand name highlight on her cheekbones. “She’ll be fine. If you go to your little lab rat now then she’ll stick to you all night because you’re familiar. Let her have her moment. I’m sure she’s the last one of the three you invited that you’ll need to worry about.”

Bruce pursed his lips and looked down at Natasha’s mouth and her angled features that were made more accentuated through meticulous contouring. “Well, how can I say no to you when you show up in this dress, Jessica Rabbit?”

She leaned into his shoulder, her silky gloved hand sliding up his arm, and whispered in her sultry deep voice that sent shivers up down his spine, “Exactly, now dance with me, big guy.”

Though Rosemarie couldn’t hear what they were saying she watched her boss in his bright red pants and suspenders over a white button up being led to the dance floor. It took enough of her focus to keep her mouth off the floor. She never expected to see Dr. Banner smiling and maybe no one else did either because she’d made it deeper into the room seemingly unnoticed as everyone’s attention diverted to Nat and Bruce or back to their own conversations. The laughter and atmosphere was enough to make Rosemarie find her own small smile. Everyone donned costumes of varying extravagance, the music was at a low enough volume to welcome conversation, and as the songs changed she noticed it slipped between Halloween and pop music. Before she knew it, she’d breezed through the crowd toward the bar, invisible.

There wasn’t a single seat free at the bar and Rosemarie used her equivalent of a super power to keep slipping through the line along the bartop to it’s far corner where a couple was too busy flirting to notice her standing next to them, waiting to order a drink. The minutes ticked on and burning holes into the bartenders’ backs didn’t make them notice her. When her eyes moved up the bar, guessing who everyone was dressed as, Rosemarie felt the shock of the scene as people she had seen on television or read about during her research stood chatting just a few feet away. Swallowing at the dryness that settled in the back of her throat as she tried to pick apart their costumes and tell herself this wasn’t a big deal, that she’d even ‘met’ them during her Stark internship- albeit through a lab window. All of the chatting Avengers donned black suits with white shirts and black ties, some had sunglasses on and she smirked at her hands when she caught sight of Captain America and the notorious Winter Soldier’s suits added the accessory of fedoras.

Maybe she hadn’t realized she laughed out loud a little, but Rosemarie was caught in the act. Their blue eyes moved down the bar to the young doctor leaning against the wall still waiting to be noticed by the bartenders. The innocent chuckle caught in her mouth as her face warmed and her eyes fell to the surprisingly comfortable heels. Rosemarie’s brain raced, the sensation of eyes on her, of being seen, had her mind flitting from panic, to embarrassment, and even fleetingly to Natasha’s hands brushing along her leg. Despite no physical scarring, the heat in her cheeks felt like there were tallies adding up on her forehead marking this as three times more than she had been seen in years. Casually trying to look up under her lashes brought a new surprise, the group of suited men had dispersed just as quickly as she had noticed them. But then she heard it, a Brooklyn drawl that sounded like home. Then she felt it, the gentle brush of cold metal just above her elbow. Timidly, she looked up from those heels, polished boots standing toe-to-toe, and her eyes kept moving north up the stocky, six foot frame of the Winter Soldier. The white shirt was tight to his chest and just as she surveyed his neck, a shot was offered to her.

He broke the silence, pulling Rosemarie from her reverie “You looked like you were waiting a while.”

Looking graciously at the drink, now more than ever, she took it and looked into his bright blue gaze with a nod, “You’d be right in guessing that, Brooklyn.”

“Brooklyn?” He watched Rosemarie with curiosity as she took the shot, wondering why she’d called him that, but she offered no explanation. “What am I supposed to call you?”

With the burn in her throat from the smooth tequila, she found a new fleeting liquid-confidence. “Natasha won’t be happy if her Snow White ensemble isn’t instantly pin-pointable, sir.”

“Well, Snow, what can we do to get you out of this corner and have a little fun with us tonight?” His blue gaze looks innocent enough, Rosemarie decides, but his thoughts are anything but- a game already in play amongst the suited men.

“You’ve already done it.” Before she can banter any more, his vibranium fingers took hers and he brushed her past strangers toward the Avengers, maneuvering her curvy frame through the room with ease.

“Snow, the boys,” Smiling and quite literally looking up at everyone, the doctor realized the soldier hadn’t yet dropped her hand, but just as quickly as she had that thought, he’d left her hand cold and empty. Rosemarie reached out to shake everyone's hands in a whirlwind of greetings as she tried to remember the few first names she wasn’t familiar with. “You’ll have a hard time remembering some of our names if you’re going to stick with your current system. Steve Rogers, also Brooklyn.”

Steve’s grip was surprisingly gentle, giving you one firm shake before his fingertips brushed your palm and let you go. A stark contrast to Thors’ which had been strong, and Rhodey and Clint’s which were fleeting and polite. Rosemarie choked on the air leaving her lungs as she tried to keep her cool, feeling the Brooklyn boys’ blue eyes still watching her as a charming man you knew as ‘Falcon’ leaned in front of them, “Sam or, if we’re being technical- the one and only Agent J.”

Rosemarie listened to the cadence in Sam’s voice and guessed Harlem, but bit her tongue, smiled and nodded. “Men in Black, classic choice, but these two…” she pointed between the two super soldiers, “Are the Brooklynites the Blues Brothers this evening?” The smirks that lit up the two men’s faces gave her an indication that she’d gotten it right and, as much as she wanted to keep looking, there was something fun in this game of being in a circle of lethal and exceptionally attractive people, though she was positive she wouldn’t hold their attention long. “Now you three,” her gaze panned over the remaining suits and then between them at the minglers nearby. With a sigh she shook her head, “You’ll have to tell me.”

“Reservoir Dogs.” It was Clint who shrugged it off with a confident smirk. “Tony’s idea, but I think he just wanted to see who looked best in a suit.” His hazel eyes moved over Rosemarie’s shoulder, “It was nice to meet you, kiddo, I’ve got to get back to-” With a clap on her shoulder Hawkeye walked past you and through the barrier of soldiers at your back.

Rhodey was quick to follow, mentioning his night was all about business and politely excuses himself as Rosemarie looked at her heels and tried not to take offense to having so quickly cleared out the room. She put her smile back on, trying to brush it off and to brush off the ‘kiddo’ comment, too. “So, Brooklyn mentioned something about you all being where the fun is tonight?” Pivoting, she closed the gap that Clint and Rhodey’s absence had made in their little group. 

“I mean, we are, I don’t know about the two fossils.” Sam laughed as he drank his beer, a clear buzz already going.

“Just because we can’t get wasted doesn’t mean we are any less fun than you idiots. Besides, someone has to babysit the Asgardian and the college rambler.” The Winter Soldier’s words were honest with a twinge of annoyance but Steve clutched his shoulder and smiled. “We’re wondering who you think we all should be dancing with.”

Her thoughts were on who could be the ‘college rambler’ and the request. An actual laugh passing her lips that bordered a scoff, but she looked around and gave it her best shot. “Thor maybe with the brunette over there talking to the lady agent with Mr. Fury.” Tilting her chin up she saw the corner of his mouth turn up into a smirk as he took his hand out of his pockets and smacked a handshake into Sam’s hand.

“I bet he’d be more upset if it wasn’t Sif. I swear those two have been harboring feelings for each other since…” Sam laughed and shrugged. “All right, matchmaker, not a bad start. Who’s next?”

Swallowing, she looked around the room. There were plenty of women standing around chatting to other women, but one beautiful woman looked around the room with an expression all too relatable to Rosemarie’s. “Sam, what about the petite cutie with the marg by Nat?”

Taking his hands out of his pockets, Sam clapped Steve on the shoulder and shook his hand. An odd gesture, Rosemarie fleetingly thought, but before her eyebrows could even draw together in confusion the soldiers looked at each other and Cap, shaking his head, told him, “That’s Thor’s ex, Jane.” His head tilted at the young doctor in front of him. “Isn’t she working with you and Banner?”

With a shrug, you looked over again, Sam leaning on the table and Nat rolling her eyes, Jane clearly trying not to make direct eye contact. “Well, I’m clearly no matchmaker, so I hope that if she’s working with me that Sam doesn’t actually tell her what I did.”

“Don’t take it too hard, most of the regulars have at least gone on a date with Tony and everyone else has done God knows what with at least one other person in the room.” Steve shrugged, offering a gentle smile before bringing his beer to his lips and pulling his eyes from her.

“Okay, we won’t force you into playing our little game anymore, so it’s our turn then.” Rosemarie looked up at the two remaining Avengers, but their eyes were on each other and then out through the crowd.

“What about Pete?” Steve suggested, nodding toward a somewhat familiar face.

It took a moment before she could place him. “He’s a college student interning for Stark, isn’t he?” Her eyebrows drew together with uncertainty. If she remembered his story from the one conversation they’d had, he was a savant like herself. “He’s a bit young, isn’t he?”

“Aren’t you?”

“I’m old enough to drink.” She nipped back at the boys, her own Brooklyn accent thick.

“All right, what do we have here? The beginnings of a joke, surely. Two cavemen and the apprentice of Yoda walk into a bar…” The clap of hands and quippy attitude were quick to place.

Steve greeted him tight lipped with a single nod. “Tony.”

“Cap. Barnes. I see you’ve met my former intern and young doctor of neuroscience that is leading one of Banner’s teams at BST. Doctor...,” He trailed off, either to let her introduce herself or to remind him of her name.

Regardless of whatever game Stark was trying to play, her non-confrontational nature made her quick to smile, nod, and shrug off the introductions, “I’m just Snow tonight.”

Tony’s head tilted to the side and both super soldiers failed to hide their amusement. “Y’know, I see why Pepper likes you.” As if hearing her name made her ears tingle, Pepper slipped in at his side, offered up a wave to the group, whispering into his ear and pulled him along as her black dress ghosted the pristine floor, a perfect replica of Hepburn’s Givenchy gown from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. But as he passed her he whispered in her ear, “Don’t get too caught up with these troublemakers, kiddo.”

Needless to say, Rosemarie knew they’d heard it when she caught their jaws clenching and she groaned. “I make decisions for myself, thanks.” Brazenly, she grabbed both their hands, “Back to the bar, Brooklynites. I think we all could use a drink.” It amazed her how, with a look, three people gave up seats for them. “So, back to this horrible job you gentlemen were doing at a setup, care to try again while I enjoy this?” She lifted the shot, throwing it back after they did the same, and then made an order for an actual drink. Her attention wasn’t on them, unaware of the looks they gave each other, their gaze panning the room. “Giving up on the impossible mission, boys?”

“Impossible?” Steve laughed.

“Giving up?” Bucky scoffed.

“It’s all right. I did what Nat and Bruce needed, a quick show of my face and day one of the new job is done.” She shrugged, sipping on her drink.

“Day one?” They’d asked in unison.

“Yup.” She nodded, polishing off the drink, a sudden urge to make the most of the night now settling into her bones and she slipped off the chair, the Winter Soldier’s vibranium hand reaching over to quickly help Rosemarie steady.

“... and you’re at a Halloween party instead of celebrating with friends?” Steve pressed his lips together, trying to hide a look of pity.

“Don’t.” She grimaced in a whisper, a slight sadness in her eyes as they met Steve’s. “It’s a party. Dancing, that’s what we’re supposed to be doing right?”

The pulse of the song felt familiar, even if she didn’t know the words. Rosemarie’s hips swayed side to side, arms up like the music was pumping and she was home alone dancing Bachata. Forgetting about the peak of skin that the crop top exposed in doing so, she felt the heat rise in her body when both of them swallowed. Her eyes fluttered closed and she kept dancing. Eyes closed, ignoring the initial eyes on her or that Nat had pulled Bruce to the floor and Pepper, Tony before the majority of chattering conversations ceased and the floor filled with laughter as a new tune thumped on.

The gentle sensation of a hand on her hips made her eyes open and Rosemarie gasped to see Natasha swaying with one hand behind her on Bruce’s neck and the other on her hip. “How much have you had to drink? I definitely didn’t think you’d be the one to start the fun tonight.”

“Surprise?” She tried to laugh, “Not much, promise.” The comment was directed at Bruce who didn’t seem bothered either way. “We’ve got work in the morning. I wanted to have a little fun and appreciate the invitation before heading back home.”

“Already?” Nat pouted.

“Brooklyn, baby! It’s about forty minutes home.”

Rosemarie watched Nat’s hand pull away from her as she slowly stopped dancing. “Then I guess we’ll just have to drag you out sometime. You seem like you’re getting along with everyone, right?” Her green eyes looked over the doctor’s shoulder back to the bar. “Get this one home safe. She’s headed that way.” Just as Rosemarie was about to protest, Nat wiggled a finger.

It seemed like a fruitless thing to argue, but in her mildly buzzed state she lacked the energy to fight or to realize that in a tidy little pile in a limestone on the Upper East Side bathroom were her keys, clothes, and badge. With a nod and a quick goodnight, she headed toward the elevator, weaving effortlessly through the crowd with a smile on her face. As the doors dinged open she could feel the presence of the two men on either side of her. “You don’t have to, guys. It’s Brooklyn, been there my whole life. I can handle myself. Hell, you see how easily I walk through this room. I’m Harry Potter in the restricted section twenty-four, seven.”

Neither of them seemed to catch the reference, following her into the elevator. Steve broke the uncomfortable silence, “I’m not much for partying and he’s not much for groups without me.”

“Now, you’ll have to pick your poison because we both rode motorcycles here.” Rosemarie crossed her arms stubbornly at his comment. Crossing her arms after hitting the main floor’s button, he realized she wasn’t going to cave. “All right, looks like we’ll have to do this the old school way. Three out of five?”

“That should get us to the main floor.” Laughing like schoolboys, they played rock-paper-scissors, the doors opening, and Rosemarie ducking under their hands to get out.

“So who won the honor of a very long chaperoning adventure?” She asked as they reached two motorcycles in the parking garage.

“Go on, Buck. I’ll see you back home later.” Steve’s face was warmer, a genuine look of happiness on his face as he clapped a hand to his friend’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “C’mere Snow, let’s get a helmet on you.”

“It’s Rosemarie, actually.”

“She speaks!” Bucky got on his bike, his own helmet secure and the engine purring. “Pretty name, doll. Bit of a mouthful, but maybe it suits you.”

“I used to be called Rorie when I was little.” She rubbed her hands nervously in front of her as she also listened to Steve telling her how to get on the bike. He even took her hand to help her as she swung her leg over. “Good night, Steve. I guess I’ll be seeing you around.”

Tilting his head to meet her eye, he smiled, the kind of warm smile where it met his eyes and made creases in the corner. “I hope so.”

And with that farewell, the engine was revved and Rosemarie lurched forward in fear. Her arms wrapping to the best of her ability around the suited soldier, taking in fist fulls of his shirt when she couldn’t fully hold on to him. His vibranium hand covered her, his hand patting hers as she hid her face into his back. It took her a minute, but he let her get used to the chill of the wind on her arms and legs, the stop and go of the city’s red lights, and the proximity to a man she hardly knew. When she finally plucked up the courage to look up they were halfway to Brooklyn. Her right arm stretched out and she flipped up the visor to the helmet, letting out a laugh and cheer as they zipped through Queens Midtown Tunnel. His vibranium hand patted hers and though she couldn’t see it, she thought he was smiling too.

It wasn’t until they reached Brooklyn’s limits and her racing heart settled into a calmer cadence that he pulled over at a red light and flipped up his own visor. Exasperated, she pouted and gently tapped her helmet to his, “Don’t stop driving!”

Then he laughed, just like he had with Steve, and explained himself, “You’ve got to tell me where you live eventually.” It took a moment, a fleeting thought that it would be easier to show him the address on her ID than to try and shout over the sound of the bike through a helmet, that she realized she’d been to caught up tonight to remember her clothes, lab coat and badge, keys, and even her phone were in Bruce and Natasha’s house. He could tell something wasn’t right, pivoting on the bike to get a better look at her. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“My keys are on the damn Upper East Side.”

Laughing again, the man simply shook her head. “That’s fine, we can get it later. What’s the address?”

--- ROSEMARIE’S UNIT ON E 22ND ST; BROOKLYN ---

She didn’t get it at first, but with their feet in front of the triple locked tiny fourth floor apartment, he squatted, took something out of his coat pocket, and within twenty seconds the door was opened, no sign of invasion. “Wow. You’re good with your hands.” Her cheeks were bright red as she slipped past him into the pitch black apartment. “Thank you so much, Mr. Barnes.”

He cringed and shook his head, “Bucky, please- or even Brooklyn or Barnes. Never James, never Mister Barnes or Mister anything-else, and preferably no Winter Soldier, either. Just Bucky.”

“Have it your way, Bucky.” She gave him a nod to come in while she leaned against the door, a warm smile on her face as the liquor was quickly leaving her system and the little flirtations had no gray area. “Let me make up this coerced escort nonsense for you.”

“Are you sure, Rosemarie? I thought you had work in the morning.” His blue eyes looked down at her, trying to read her expression as he tried to decide if he was being propositioned and if going in was a good idea.

“I’m sure.” With a laugh she tugged on his hands, his entire frame completely immobile in the hall. “Come keep me company and we'll have snackies!”

Bucky nodded, stepping into her home with clear eyes and a sense of expectation that she’d drawn a line about where the night would lead. She flicked on light after light, the room filling with a warm honey-white glow that illuminated the books, art, pictures, scattered around the room and hanging on the walls. “This is nice.”

Her head popped up from behind the refrigerator door, her eyes falling on the man that looked obscenely too broad for the space. “Do you mean the apartment or the picture?” Rosemarie saw his blue gaze studying a painting on the wall, “It’s a painting of Roraima in...”

“The borders of Venezuela, Brazil, and Guyana.”

“Yeah… I want to go someday. It was my brother’s last painting.” She swallowed and looked down at the peanut butter and nutella sandwiches she was making, reminding herself to catch her breath. It’s not like he hasn’t travelled all over the world. It’s not like he really cares about where you want to travel to. He definitely doesn’t care about your crazy family.

“You should go, it’s one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen.” He smiled at the painting and came to the kitchen counter, noticing the crease in her forehead as she made their late night snack. “Do you want to talk about him?”

She shrugged, both surprised by the question and uncertain of her needs colliding with her personal baggage. Instead, Rosemarie slid the plate of four half-sandwich triangles toward him and then added two spoons to the plate before tucking a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns ice cream and two bottles of hard cider under her arms. “He’s the one that used to call me Rorie. He couldn’t really get Rosemarie out and my parents hated it when people mispronounced it as rosemary.” It felt like a simple enough gateway to let her try to gauge his interest. After flopping onto the couch and nodding to the spot next to her he joined her, setting the food on the coffee table and taking one of the ciders. “I think they’re twist off caps?” She struggled, cheeks red with embarrassment, but Bucky used his vibranium hand to flick the cap off before doing the same with his. “Oh, so that’s what the hand is for.”

“Among other things.” They shared a soft laugh and he watched her kick off the heels and pick up the gaming controller, talking to the television as it popped up with the Netflix logo at her commands. “What are we watching?”

Tossing him the remote she grabbed a slice of the sandwiches and pulled her knees to her chest. Taking a big bite, the hazelnut and peanut butter coated her mouth and she let out a satisfied hum. “Brooklyn's choice.” A second big bite and another hum and Bucky’s curiosity got the better of him, clicking the first film on her recommended list to snag a slice for himself. A deeper, similar hum passing his lips made Rosemarie squirm in her seat. She washed it down with the cider. “Right? Comfort snackies are the best late night food.” Rosemarie turned to look at the super soldier taking up two thirds of the love seat to find the hazelnut spread in the scruff of his overgrown stubble. With liquid courage pulsing in her veins she leaned in slightly and brushed it away with her thumb, but not courageous enough to meet his piercing blue eyes. Heart thumping in her ears, she whispered, “I forgot to grab a napkin.”

Bucky’s full lips wrapped around her thumb, his eyes unblinking as hers went wide. The soldier didn’t give her a chance to act on flight, his arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her onto his lap as she whimpered at the sensation of his tongue sliding up her finger. “Aren’t you just starved for attention.”

He wasn’t wrong. It had been six months since she’d been with anyone and that was a one night stand with a stranger from a bar and longer still since someone had been inside her. She’d taken herself out to celebrate finishing school and someone told her she had the perfect body. Rosemarie squirmed in his lap thinking about the way their hands had worshiped her curves and their mouth had set her off. It was one of just a couple of encounters. All of them paled in comparison to having the broad shouldered and bright eyed man holding her close. “I..It’s…”

The man smirked at how flustered she was, His fingers moving from a firm grip holding her waist to brushing up her back as he finished the snack in one final big bite. He almost looked childish if it hadn’t been for the look in his eyes, pupils blown and the corner of his mouth turned up. “Complicated? Doesn’t have to be, Sugar.”

Sugar, the word was sweeter in the subtle hints of his accent, a dated term of endearment that wasn’t typical in any non-condescending modern usage, she thought. This wasn’t how intentional. He wasn’t even on her radar and as he drank his cider and watched her, she climbed off his lap and slowly unbuttoned the yellow shorts, stopping before she pushed them down because her little panicked mental monologue found her again. He doesn’t really want you. He just wants to get laid. Maybe I just want that, too? This is never going to happen again, so calm down, focus, enjoy the moment. But the ice cream on the table is going to melt and leave a water ring from condensation... Then his hands were on her hips, pulling her legs closer by tugging on the loose fabric of the shorts before he wiggled them down her legs.

His now empty bottle set to the side, Bucky looked up at her as he leaned forward and pressed his full lips to her hips. The warmth of his mouth and the sting of cool from the wet mark he’d left after it met the air felt as starkly contrasted as the warmth and the cold of his two hands. Nibbling on her bottom lip, he kissed the other side and questioned her demeanor. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Letting his fingers rake up her back and under the crop top, Bucky used his superior senses to interpret what she wasn’t saying. Rosemarie now realized just how small she was next to him, her pulse thumping with a far more vibrant cadence than when he’d taken her finger into his mouth. Now his own fingers rubbed her back and moved south, pushing her panties to the floor before coming back up to take off the crop top too. But he didn’t gawk or let his eyes wander, he just drank in the smell of hazelnut and peanut butter on her breath, the faint smell of honey and apricots from her morning shower, and the heat rising in her cheeks. “Where have you been the last ninety-nine years, Rorie?”

Swallowing down the nickname, she brought her hands to his tie, “Should I be flattered or creeped out about this age gap?” Nervously giggling she loosened the silky bit of black fabric, watching it ruffle into the mess of her own clothes half on the floor and half on the couch. She felt his muscles through the pressed fabric of his shirt until they ghosted along the top of his slacks and as she looked at his neck, still too anxious to meet his gaze, Rosemarie chewed on the inside of her cheek. Nerves, she was nothing but nerves on fire. When she undid his belt with shaking hands, his hands left hers to quickly undo the buttons of the dress shirt. It was a frantic and rapid dance to get him just as naked as she was and her nervous laughter abated into a whimper. The zipper went down exposing black boxer briefs and with her thumbs in the elastic and she pushed it down, just as he’d done to her, just enough to make his clothes fall to the floor. “This seems entirely unfair.”

He let her eyes move down his body, his chest rising and falling at steady pace, though obvious that he was taking deeper breaths. Rosemarie rested her forehead on his sternum, drinking in the toned muscles that met the cut of his hips, the hulking lines of his thighs, and then at last the bulk of his cock. She didn’t hide her fear from him well at all, completely certain she’d never be able to handle the size of the solid man. His hands went to her neck, hot and human, cold and robotic, and that tender tilt up of her chin, forcing her eyes to look into his, she knew that he knew. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If you feel like I…”

“Bucky.” She interrupted, breathing sharply. Before her mind in all its anxious sadness could torment her back into silence she managed to whisper, “Of course I want you. I’m scared, not an idiot.” Leaning up, her lips brushed his, so close to kissing him, she made her request. “Please, gently.”

Of all the stories she had heard, she didn’t know if he was capable of it until he kissed her. Her soft lips were met with his, hungry and forceful and then, just before she could flinch, his tongue parted her lips and the kiss became subdued. Bucky knew what he was doing, teasing her with the passion she was missing out on while enticing her with the promise of giving her what she’d asked for. Her demure little touches of her fingers avoiding all his most sensitive areas made him moan against her lips. The man couldn’t help but wonder if she was intentionally teasing him in return. His lips left hers, trailing wet kisses down her neck and across her breasts. Bucky flicked his tongue across her nipples, hiding his smirk in her ribs at the squirm of her hips under his hands when he gave them no more attention and sat back on the couch. She was so close to pouting, protesting, and pleading, but his hands moved down her curves and tugged at the soft flesh at the back of her thighs, pulling her onto the couch to straddle him. 

Rosemarie rocked her hips forward, pressing his length against his stomach and her clit. The groan that came from the back of Bucky’s throat had her dripping and as she continued grinding against him while they kissed, she could feel herself dripping down her thighs and onto him. His kisses were patient but the longer she kept teasing him, feeling her skin heat beneath his touch, Bucky began to rut his hips compulsively. Her finger tips dug into his shoulder and neck as the tight coil of her climax built in her belly before any part of him had even been inside her. Slowly she lifted herself and he looked into her eyes knowing what she was finally ready and asking for, confirmed by her lip biting and head nodding as she lowered herself onto him.

Bucky let her take him in, slow but keening. He could tell how badly she needed to do this on her own, quiet gasps between tongue tangled kisses as every inch of him stretched her. He savored those little sounds, they only made it harder for him not to thrust completely inside her. His mind was in a fog, intoxicated by the smell of her, the shake in her legs, even the way her body reacted to the cool metal of his weapon brushing her hair from her face. She’d turned into it, briefly pulling her lips from Bucky’s to put her burning cheeks to his palm and she knew he could kill her just as much as she felt it in her gut, he wouldn’t. She’d been in love just once before and never been looked at like this and just as she’d thought that his kisses stopped and his hands held her still and he asked her, “What’s that look?”

Rosemarie pressed her lips to Bucky’s metal wrist and his expression was just as unreadable as hers had been seconds earlier, “What’s that look?” Her playful feedback of the same question was far less focused, each word a breathy whimper as the sudden lack of affection made her all the more eager to be full of him. The doctor swayed her hips in small circles, calling out in her native tongue as their thighs met and he hit every spot, stretching her out.

“Fuck. Fuck you’re so tight.” The timbre in Bucky’s voice made her squeeze around him and he clutched her hips to stop her from moving for fear that the evening would be short lived. He pressed his forehead to her shoulder and she caressed his back and did the same, the salt on his skin coating her lips. They listened to each other breathing and Rosemarie began a slow ride, relishing the sounds of his pleasure. “Good girl,” the words were whispered in her ear - a stark contrast from his grunting just seconds earlier, his teeth brushed her earlobe, and then his hands squeezed her ass as he met her pace with repeat eye watering thrusts.

The English language failed her, pleading for more and pleasantly surprised when he understood. Bucky’s pace stayed the same, but each thrust was deep and then deeper. Her fingers tangled in his dark hair and pulled until his mouth was back on hers. The small apartment echoed with the bawdy sounds of moaning pleasure and skin on skin, all of her muscles began to tighten as he brought her to the edge. Leaning back slightly with a hand on his knee and the other on the couch Bucky accepted the invitation to access more of her body. His tongue drew circles around her hard nipples and his thumb massaged her clit. The slow build to the first orgasm had been worthwhile and obscenely wet, they could feel her pouring down their legs and soaking the couch. Immediately, her entire body shook and her face was bright right, her eyes apologetic. “I’m sorry, that… that’s never happened before and…”

A soft hush passed his lips and he pushed back inside of her, finding a new rhythm as her muscles reacted, milking every thick inch of him. “You’re sexy, beautiful, smart, and…” he swallowed, his thrusts became erratic, and maybe it was the compliments or an instinct he was close but Rosemarie couldn’t help herself, bouncing up and down on him, and every time he bottomed out she practically danced for him, grinding on him for friction to her clit. “Don’t stop.” He was the one panting and begging now. “Good girl, beautiful. Just like that.”

All the positive praise as his eyes stayed on her wide hips and full breasts made the woman question if this was how sex was supposed to be. The curves she only liked in certain outfits, now being drunk in like a missing Van Gogh. She got off on it, her body still reeling from her first orgasm and Bucky rutted into her as she gave him his. Lost in the moment, they held each other tightly, his cock filling her until he dripped his own mess onto the furniture. But despite the new exhaustion and how her tired body draped over him, he was still hard and she was still hungry. “More.”

The whimpered plea was met with his strong arms holding her as he walked down the short hall opening the first door to find it was the bathroom and then the second, her bedroom. Her legs were too tired to wrap around him and the tips of her toes tickled their way across the floor until he pulled her on top of him on her bed that was obscenely small for a man of his size, let alone two people. “Rorie, you should get some sleep.”

She bit the muscle of his flesh arm. “You’re still inside me, Barnes.” Her lips moved across his skin, nipping at his ribs before trailing her tongue along the toned muscles to his other arm, where she placed a kiss and settled her head. Her dark hair was unruly as it draped across him, his own no better on her bedsheets. Though breathless, she managed a feeble argument. “You can’t just bring me to bed, be inside me, look like this, and not keep going until I’m unconscious.”

He laughed, not maliciously but rather out of shock at how sleep impacted her candor more than alcohol had and all Rosemarie could think was there’s nothing more beautiful than you. It was written all over her face, but he missed it, his eyes closed as he laughed, and maybe he’d never believe it if he had. She couldn’t help herself, kissing every inch of his skin that she could without moving a muscle, savoring her legs tangled in his. “If you want me to put you to bed, there’s more than one way to do that.”

“But only one way I really want you tonight.”

“Tonight? There are other ways you want me on other nights…”

“Mmmhm, Friday night? You free?”

“It’s a date, sweetheart.” The banter was sleepy, but Bucky’s hips were already lifting off the mattress and his arm around her waist pinned her there to take each eager thrust.

What had started slow and sweet, evolved into deep and needy, now found an impassioned second wind. He worshiped her mouth, the tip of his tongue brushing across the roof and before he could have the audacity to take it from her, she nipped, and caressed his tongue with hers. Then Rosemarie worshiped his chest, arms, and stomach; pushing against him as she rocked her hips with every movement across his skin. He gave it to her again, deep thrusts, fervent even, and he pulled her mouth to his. “Good girl! So eager for another orgasm. Been a while since someone gave this pretty pussy the attention it deserves?” Her tired frame dropped slowly over him and he held her close on top of him, one hand brushing her hair as he still pinned her down at the waist as he claimed her. “I hear those tired moans, Sugar. I’m gonna put you to bed real soon. I want to hear it one more time. Say my name, roll those soft hips against me and say it.”

Her bedsheets were held in her fists, anything for further friction. They both got it and as she tightened around him she begged, sticky with sweat, sore and breathless, and still wanting. “Come with me, Bucky. I want to feel you throbbing inside me again. Bucky. Buck,” she was so close, panting, “Buck, don’t stop.”

Bucky tangled himself in her and gave her what she begged for, finishing deep inside of Rosemarie as her legs shook around him and her arms gave out, every muscle in her body vibrating. “Good girl. Now close those pretty eyes and get some sleep, okay?”

Though she nodded sleepily, her head almost incapable of being picked up from his chest, she mustered final exhausted chatter, “One last kiss and a promise you’ll stay?”

Again, he granted her request and she hummed at the sensation of his scruff on his chin. He smiled, satisfied, and finding her quiet verbalization of pleasure a sweet surprise he changed his mind about slipping out as soon as she fell asleep. “I’ll stay a bit, sweetheart. I gotta get your stuff from Nat’s before you have to head to work, but I’ll be here when you get up.”

She yawned, the word stay a soft echoing plea in her head that never passed her lips. Bucky reached over and pulled the blankets across them as Rosemarie already started to shiver. Typically he found the serum’s endurance enhancement’s side effect of insomnia infuriating, but tonight he was grateful for it. Watching her sleep in his arms like she needed him, clinging to his body every time he sighed or moved an inch. Then, despite usually only needing a few hours of shut eye a week, he drifted off into an unheard of peaceful, dreamless sleep. The last thing on his lips was a kiss to her temple and on his mind, no idea how he’d make it to Friday.

INTRO . CHAPTER 2 (Coming Soon!)

Taglist: @caplanbuckybarnes​

[firebirdsdaughter]

Heh heh, whoops…

… Realised I forgot to do a Ryusoulger Raw post.

So… Y’all get to hear my initial reactions to the subbed version! Yay! XD

Let’s a-go!

In no particular order and w/ many typos:

Naohisa peeling the banana for Ui bc she’s so busy staring. XD Ui, I know Asuna is beautiful, and the boys, too, but please remember to eat?

Well, that’s either really convenient, or Naohisa knows more than he’s letting on. This is Sentai. It could be either.

Aw, poor Melto. Come here, I’ll give you a hug. ^^ Sometimes I’m a good mother.

I think I already waxed about why I love the way Banba immediately, like, flies to this guy’s side in the tags of Ryuu’s gifset, but it still holds. Believes he can’t trust people and that kindness is weakness, but still can’t stop himself. I am really hoping for an episode/something way down the line where he has a ‘I would have turned into a monster w/out Touwa and the rest of you’ moment. Might just write one myself, eventually. ^^

And the coincidence, one of the true heroes of Toku, saving the day is also still hilarious. Like, if Banba had been one block over.

Why was he even on this street to begin w/?

Why is Touwa here? I find it hard to believe Banba would at all be interested.

No, actually, I know why. Bc plot.

Aw, he came bc he loves you two and is constantly anxious. Melto is absolutely the type of person who is afraid to let the people he loves out of his sight bc what if they didn’t look both ways before crossing the street and got hit by a truck???? And I doubt Biker Dad’s death helped that at all. Kou and Asuna are all he’s got left of his ‘family’ and he’s secretly terrified of losing them, too. Hey, Melto, I think I just got an idea for an angst tidbit for you, and I’m really sorry.

Aaaaand the youngest brothers are at it again. XD Dorks.

My ‘age’ order for this family is Naohisa, Banba, Melto, Asuna, Kou, Touwa and Ui. Age in quotes bc obviously the canon ages are completely wild. But I think I’ve done the fam break down before, so I won’t go into it again. ^^

I mean, gotta hand it to Wyzul. It’s a situation where acting blatantly weird and out of place works. Like, it’s a legit acting job. People in special events/games. Ren fairs. Yes, he’s acting really evil and suspicious, but that’s easily explainable as that being the character. Another pretty good plan. Very Sentai, but actually a good plan.

OH GOD NO! IT’S A MIMIC! DX

I don’t actually play Dark Souls, but…

Okay, but I wouldn’t be getting too comfy, yet. You’re missing one, and he happens to be the most stab-happy out of all of them. Like, I’m sorry, but as a villain, I would be celebrating while Banba was unaccounted for. I’d be checking the back stairwell.

This confirms that the chibis are merely going in colour order and have no bearing on the focus character.

Mother¡Melto makes another appearance, in a small way. ^^

I don’t know, Asuna. Given that none of you remember how you got here, I think it’s very valid of Melto to fear this was a Druidon trap.

Kou takes a moment to look majestic. XD HAve you been taking lessons from Banba? ^^

This is so obviously suspicious. Like. It’s obviously magic. Touwa and Asuna win the doofus award this ep. At least Kou figured it out eventually.

Touwa is the super winner of the award, though. Asuna had the sense to snap to it when told there were Druidon. XD

Honestly, she probably needs the protein and calories. Her super strength might mean she burns through energy faster than other people.

Actually, I dunno if that makes sense.

Mother¡Melto again. XD ‘Don’t eat mystery meat!’ is kind of like he’s telling her not to take food from strangers…

Yup, Touwa’s a dumb. ^^ I love how in the character blog, Yuito was like ‘he would have gotten scolded if his brother was there.’ XD Probably one of the reasons they didn’t want Banba in Wonderland w/ them. A) he would have snapped Touwa out of it too soon, and B) given how the chests open in their own, they didn’t want to reveal too much about his past, I guess? Though I wish they would tell us at least a little more. Keep it slow, absolutely, but I’m hoping for some more concrete hints soon.

A for effort, Melto. You tried.

Also, oh, Kou. ^^ Cutie. So it is limited—bc they had to stay trapped in the ‘box,’ it couldn’t actually grant Kou’s wish. But it sure tried. Kinda like w/ that Yummy that was destroying people’s dreams when it tried to attack Eiji, and the world came out of his mind.

Aw, he’s fine. The boy is durable. ^^

Kou, now is the time when you assume this is not the real world, you dork. XD

Aw, did Banba help clean up? Actually, there’s no indication if he did or not, but it’s sweet to think he did. ^^

I mean, he’s got a point. It could have a backlash. My recommendation would be to poke it first. Though since Kou crashed into it before, it’d probably just be impervious…

Oh, don’t remind him of that, that was (obviously unintentionally) kinda insensitive of her… Well, it did say that she sometimes has a habit of saying the wrong thing/speaking so bluntly she has trouble communicating… We haven’t really seen that yet, but I think it’s kind of coming into play here, since Melto’s bio, and this ep, establish that Melto is self conscious and doubts himself in comparison to the others… So that probably hurt him a lot  more than she intended it too.

But bc he’s Melto, he didn’t communicate that, so she had no way of knowing and no chance to reassure him she didn’t mean it that way.

God, Banba’s got a compulsive apologising streak, Melto has an inferiority complex, neither likes admitting hurt/weakness, esp to people they care about… And then there’s Asuna being too blunt and saying thing w/out thinking, Kou and Touwa are probably in the ‘bottle things up’ boat, too, just of the Stepford Smiler/Snarker variety… Any more of my quirks you’d like to spread out amongst the team, Toei? Like, maybe Gold is constantly terrified he’s bothering everyone?

Sorry (exhibit A XD) that got a little nonsensical. Right now it’s mainly Banba, Melto, and Asuna who are exhibiting some of my habits (apologising [for ex. rather than thanking someone], a slight inferiority complex compared to more “successful” friends, an in ability to read social cues and saying things w/out thinking).

And I love them for it. DX Really gotta write more Melto now!

Aaaaaaaaand… Now I’m crying all over again. DX I mean, hi Biker Dad and all, but poor Melto… TT^TT

This poor baby… DX Like, you can tell that for a fraction of a second, he’s almost like ‘oh my god, you’re alive?!?!?’ And… Then the memory hits him. DX

And then he promptly logics himself out to ‘I’m hallucinating.’ Oh, baby… DX

I know it would’ve broken the illusion, but… I wish Melto could’ve hugged him. Let the boy hug his Biker Dad. DX

Or, if not, can someone please hug someone??? Please?!?!?

Aw, he’s scared, though. I mean, I totally think he was the anxious, ‘oh my god what if I turn around for a moment and they fall of a cliff?!?’ sort of person before, but losing their Masters magnified that. He loves them so much he was afraid of something happening to them before, but now that something terrible has happened to someone else he loves, it’s even worse.

Basically, he was already terrified of something bad happening to the people he loved, and then something did, validating that terror.

Inferiority complex probably didn’t help. It’s not exactly resentment toward people perceived as ‘better’ (though there is some in it), but feels like a failure on the part of the one w/ the complex for not being ‘good enough’ or able to ‘catch up.’ He knew they were good at fighting, but was terrified by their recklessness and feared he might not be strong enough to help them one day, or something. Not sure any of that made sense.

I do like the idea of Biker Dad inside the Blue RyuSoul just being like, ‘oh no, Melto is worrying himself into a corner, maybe it will help if I astral project and give him a pep talk.’ Might be cute if the Masters’ souls are still semi ‘present’ or ‘aware’ in the RyuSouls.

…

… Ooooooo. I just got an idea. Kinda like in that Magiranger episode. Like, the trio get trapped in some ‘magical dimension’ or something again, and, like, the Masters are somehow there, or their souls come out of the RyuSouls somehow… Anyway, could have something like when… Houka, I think it was, didn’t want to leave that place bc it seemed like their mother was there. Could also include friendship bc maybe the final straw for them finding the will to go isn’t just ‘we need to protect the world’ but also, on a more personal level, the Tatsuis and the brothers? Like, if they realise that the boys are getting overwhelmed in the real world, esp if the brothers are partially fighting to try and rescue them, and are about to get defeated, and meanwhile Ui’s in the line of fire bc she’s trying to help civilians and doing everything she can, too… Could be cute. And heartbreaking.

That was a bad explanation, I’ll try to be more concise later.

Why… Is he explaining this?

Again. I wouldn’t be celebrating while mister handsome murder boy the Majestic Knight is still at large.

I like how it’s still saying ‘here, here.’

Wow, Melto can jump!

Oooo. They came out of the fire! Cool effect.

I’d question how Biker Dad knows this, but he’s dead, so maybe he’s omniscient now. I dunno. I’m inclined to give more leeway to people knowing weird things if they’re dead. Bc they’re no longer tied to this plane, ya know?

Anyway.

…

……

……… Butt. DX

AAAAH! DX Poor baby. He’s all like ‘I did it, dad!’ and briefly forgets that it was an vision, and then of course Biker Dad is gone, and it… TT^TT

Ah, yes. The perfect way to get me to stop crying. Cut directly from sad, introspective Melto to Banba tenderly caressing the lid of some random box. XD

Now, I will not grow out of that joke. XP Ryusoulger here, making me jealous of inanimate objects like pros.

Must everything he does be so very attractive? And by that I mean sexy? But for some reason I am very self-conscious about that word???

Touwa still wins the super doof award.

And now, Melto does math. I think.

XD Kou’s crash into the dome was useful! Though I’m impressed Melto could have any estimation of what the height of that was. ^^

I really like the little collars of the suits. I really do.

AH. I FIGURED IT OUT. THE LITTLE ‘LIFE BLOBS’ ARE SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT THE MINUSAUR!

(pictures at the bottom)

CUTE.

XD Using the Minusaur’s power against it. ^^ Nice going Melto.

I guess it’s not technically him piloting alone—though he does seem to be the one in control…

XD Wyzul and Crayon’s reactions are so funny. ^^

Touwa just lying on the grou w/ his arms folded is still funny.

Banba just… Freaking teleports behind Kou. How did he even find them? Did he walk down the street carrying the box while fully transformed? XD

Banba interrogating the mooks is hilarious bc, esp in most recent years, they can’t actually talk. The most recent exception I can think of is Kyuranger’s mooks.

XD The absolutely unnecessarily fancy sword twirling he does just to point it in the other direction. <3

I mean, I guess it might seem a little silly, but… Isn’t there a belief in Shinto that all things have souls, even inanimate objects? So… Not so far afield, really. Though that does kinda make it sadder that Banba just smashed it. DX Requiescat in pace, antique miniature garden box. Thank you for your sacrifice.

Most easily defeated Mimic. Ever.

Asuna and Kou are either staring into my soul, or thinking about how cool Banba is, and I find both to be valid.

Touwa, don’t be mean. DX Ah, dorks.

This scene is really cute. Y’all here turning into a family w/out noticing, between the younger sibs teasing Melto and then goofing off among themselves, Banba just walking behind them like a tired babysitter and even shooting a look at Melto like he’s trying to make sure Blue’s still w/ them… Cuties.

Also, Touwa bouncing. ^^ <3

The soft piano version of the theme song definitely helps, too. ^^

That hug is still available if you want it, Melto.

And yes, I’d like to think it was. ^^

Still wondering what was up w/ that hooded person. They’re in the opening. They can’t just forget they exist! What happened in the rest of that secene w/ the brothers? Not even Touwa has mentioned it. Did they get their memories of the encounter wiped? Or is there something more?

Preview:

I like the opening shot of Asuna playing a carnival game while the boys watch. Like, it’s so cute and family-y. Melto’s so excited for her like a proud mom and Kou seems to trying to perfect his strategy. XD

Asuna once again finds herself talking people out of… That.

At this point, I don’t care how short that Banba sulking scene is or how little it relates to the plot. I just want to see it. ^^

That’s all, folks! Virtual mochi for anyone who read all that! I really liked this episode, and I’m glad for Melto getting a chance to be very heartbreaking, too. Next episode is an Asuna ep, and while I’m a little cagey about it bc of the short summary we saw at first, I’m willing to give the show the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions about how they’re going to handle it. Hoping we’ll see Anky Mom, too, though there haven’t been any shots of her in the previews… Well, it wouldn’t make much sense if they didn’t eventually bring her back in some way. Still hoping for more concrete info about the brothers’, and specifically Banba’s past. Not all at once, but you could slowly start giving us more. Though it’s not that pressing, and is mainly bc I’m an impatient baby—they’ve got time to do it. And then there’s mysterious hooded person who is in the opening. Gaisoulg? Master Gold? Probably too old to be Gold, but who knows. It does seems strange that not even Touwa, the more friendly of the two, has brought it up to the trio. You’d assume he’d mention ‘oh, yeah, mysterious cloaked man came and sought us out and [something something]’ Makes me very suspicious of cloaked man. Did he wipe their memories? Threaten them? Just plan ask them to keep him a secret? Is he friend of foe? Is he Naohisa? Who knows. But I’d like some clues. At some point.

Lastly, the screenshots I promised, of the life blobs, and the thing everyone else probably already noticed:

[one-who-reads-too-much]

home with the hollands

a/n- y’all my writing is all fluff, i need some angst. this got a lot longer than i thought it would. i didnt want it to be cliché i failed . feedback is always appreciated of course. 

Word count- 2.1k 

Warnings- fluff !! 

Request- Could you do one where tom takes the reader home to meet the rest of the fam maybe love yoyr work <3

enjoy!!

Your hands shook as you gaped out the window. London was beautiful. But it’s allure was overshadowed by the impending doom. Perhaps you were being dramatic, except, meeting your boyfriend of six months parents seemed like an acceptable reason to get a bit tense. Never mind that your boyfriend was Tom Holland, and his whole family could be considered famous. Oh, and the fact that he had probably brought home countless attractive and famous girls. Girls you couldn’t hold a candle to. Forget about it. You were panicking.

Tom, observing your distress reached out, gathering your hands in his own, grounding you. “They’ll love you. I promise,” In return you smiled weakly.

“Hey, if it makes you feel better, remember when I met your parents?” he chuckled in attempt to lighten your anxiety.  “Oh god, I remember. Trust me. But they called me yesterday to say they loved you, despite you breaking my mom’s oldest china.” You replied, giggling as he groaned and buried his face in his hands.

As you pulled up to the Holland’s charming house, Tom leaned over to help you unbuckle, and exit the car. “Don’t worry, I think I’ve chatted you up enough. There’s no way they won’t adore you. My mom already talks about you like she knows you’ll be the daughter she never had.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead. “And remember that I love you, and I’m so glad you agreed to do this.”

Then you had grabbed your luggage, paid the taxi, and you were standing in front of the door. It swung open, and you and Tom took a stride into the foyer, hand-in-hand.

Immediately Tom was tackled by two gangly boys. They must have been Sam and Harry. You had basically met them. Tom FaceTimed them once a week and you had joined in more than once. Once the reunited brothers had extracted themselves from their pile, they immediately turned to you.

“Ay, you brought Y/N!” Harry grinned. “Hi! Wow you’re a lot shorter in person,” you smirked in return. Harry gasped in fake offense.

Next, you twisted to greet Sam. “Hey Sam!” He returned the hello, “We finally get to meet the famous Y/N Y/L/N.” He presented you a bouquet of daisies, bright and colorful, rivaling the dreary weather outside. “Here’s a welcoming present.” Your heart swelled at this considerate gesture. “These are my favorite! Thank you so much!” you exclaimed.

“Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl,” Harry winked, Sam shook his head in exasperation, while Tom pulled you against his side. “Stop trying to steal my girlfriend,” he play-growled, nuzzling his face into your hair. “She’s mine.”

You pushed away. “I belong to no man,” you giggled in mock-indignation. The boys’ “oohs,” were interrupted by a clattering from another room.

“Tom? Is that you?” A woman’s voice rang out.  The speaker quickly bustled into the room. A slim woman with fiery orange hair quickly enveloped Tom into her embrace. “Hi, mom!” She pulled away and did a double take, giving you a once over. “Y/N,” her smile melted off her face. Before you could respond, or even give her the bouquet you had bought for her, she was back in the kitchen. You glanced up at Tom to gauge whether he had picked up on the slight hostility his mom expressed. He was oblivious, smiling down at you.

You caught a glimpse of a small boy, with a spattering of freckles. When your eyes met he started to shrink back into the shadows. “You must be Paddy! I’ve heard so much about you!” you exclaimed, walking forward to greet the youngest Holland. “I brought you something!” You pulled a pack of football cards from your back pocket. “Tom said you’d like these,” He nodded and thanked you enthusiastically.

Dom shuffled around the corner to aide you with your bags. “Ah, Y/N, we’ve heard so much about you. You’re all Tom talks about. Jeez, what did you pack? Bricks?” he chuckled good naturedly as he hauled them up the stairs. You liked him immediately. As he showed you to your room, Tom trailing behind, he cracked countless jokes, easing the tension from earlier.

The minute Dom closed the door after jokingly laying down the law of “no monkey business, yeah?” you flopped down on the bed, taking in the room. The room Tom had grown up in. There was nothing special about it, yet you found it endearing. Spiderman action figures lined his desk (what a dork) ; posters from old bands covered the walls; framed photographs of his family, friends and co-stars were placed on a shelf above his bed. As you looked closer, you saw that pictures of you took up the majority of the limited space. The one in the center you remembered like it was yesterday: it was just a few months after Tom had confessed his feelings for you, you were on a beach in LA where you had visited for his birthday. You were laughing, head thrown back onto Tom’s shoulder, his arm was encircling your waist and he was staring at you with so much adoration, you could practically feel the heat.

You were drawn back to the present day as Tom flopped down next to you. You turned onto your side to look at him. “I don’t think your mom likes me,” you stated matter-of-factly.

“What?!” he pushed himself up onto one elbow. “Why would you say that?”

“She just didn’t seem happy to see me,” you realized you sounded paranoid, but you couldn’t help it. “Sorry, I sound stupid right now, it’s just my anxiety and-” he cut you off by wrapping you in his arms. “I know, I know. She’s just a little slow with new people. She’ll love you,” he coaxed, “Though not as much as I love you. That’s impossible,” You laughed, cheeks turing rosy.

“I’m going to go see if she needs help with anything.” you withdrew from Tom’s arms, suddenly very cold. Before you exited, you looked back at your boyfriend, sprawled out on his childhood bed, fingers tapping furiously on his phone, eyes scrunched, his lip was between his teeth. You would go through anything, even suffer through awkward family dinners, for him, you realized as your heart swelled.

As you padded downstairs, you heard muffled voices from the kitchen. You hesitated outside the doorway, not quite eavesdropping, but still hearing quiet sniffling. Peering around the corner, you saw Nicola perched on a stool, her face buried in her hands, shoulders shaking. You meant to make a stealthy retreat from the all-too-private scene and return later, but of course you had to catch your foot on the rug, twisting in a full circle in attempt to catch yourself, only resulting in you crashing full force onto the tile floor of the Holland’s kitchen.

Nicola gave a start, “Y/N! Are you ok?” You smiled sheepishly up at her. “Yeah, I’m all good thanks, I just thought I’d make a dramatic entrance, y’know?” you replied, standing up and brushing yourself off. Instead of acknowledging your feeble attempt at a joke, she turned away, her shoulders still shuddering.

Your humor disappeared in a flash as you placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. “Are you alright? Anything you’d like to talk about?” What were you supposed to do in these types of situations? She let out a sob,

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It’s just this is the day my mother died a few years ago and it’s a bit hard for me. And I don’t know, you just reminded me so much of her. She was beautiful and witty just like you. It’s just never a good day for me.”

You were taken aback. Not really knowing what to do otherwise you gathered her into a hug. “I’m honored to be associated with someone like your mother,” you consoled, “I bet she’d be proud of you.” She responded with a watery smile.

“Thank you Y/N, that means more than you know,” she paused, then snapped into action. “Now, let's get started on some dinner!” she clapped, her previous grief disappearing.

You glimpsed Tom, who had observed the exchange. He was leaning against the doorway, a faint smile tracing his lips, his copper eyes shining warmly. When you caught his gaze you beamed, and spun back to face Nicola, who was calling in her boys to help her. Before the stampede arrived, she whispered in your ear, “If things work out the way I think they will, I would be ecstatic to have you as my daughter.” You blushed as she winked.

Cooking dinner, all crammed into one kitchen was hectic, to say the least. Tom snuck as many kisses as possible, and the twins tried to start a food fight by sprinkling flour all in your hair, to which you and Paddy teamed up on them and chased them out the kitchen by shoving ice cubes down their shirts. You took instruction from Nicola, who had since not stopped smiling, joining in on the antics. Finally you all emerged from the kitchen with a meal fit to be on Food Network, covered in flour, and in the twins’ cases, sopping wet and shivering.  

The whole family collected around the table and you all immediately dug in. At first the conversation was mundane and you were content to just observe the dynamics of the family, Tom rubbing small circles on your back occasionally, his own way of checking in with you.

Dom suddenly shifted his attention to you, “So Y/N, tell me about yourself,” your anxiety started to spike, and you looked back at Tom, who nodded expectantly.  So you started to talk animatley about your passion, you could feel your eyes lighting up, and your hands starting to wave around. You realized you were rambling so you started to fade off, but looking around at the family who were all listening intently, more so than anyone you had ever opened up to, you continued.

The rest of dinner, the Hollands took turn asking you about your life, and your’s and Tom’s relationship. You found yourself loosening up, and truly feeling at home amongst the repartee.

During dinner, Paddy had been griping about an English project, which happened to be your forté, so you coached him through it after the table was cleared. With your aide, you finished quickly and you went to find Tom.

Once again you found yourself hidden in the shadows outside the kitchen doorway when you heard your name being mentioned. Tom and Nicola stood side-by-side at the sink, elbow deep in soapy water. “So, what do you think of Y/N?” Tom asked tentatively, “Because, mom, I think she’s the one. I’ve never been happier. I just have this feeling, like she’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with,”

“Oh, Tom, that’s wonderful! I think you two are perfect for each other. I really love her,” Nicola turned towards her son.

“Okay good, because, well, look,” Tom stuttered, pulling out a petite navy blue box. You had to check yourself as you let out a muted gasp. Thankfully, Nicola reacted the same way, jumping up and down like a child.

“Tom! You’re getting married!” She squealed, to which Tom quickly shushed her.

“Mom! She hasn’t even said yes yet,”

“Oh, but she will,” she responded slyly, “Now what’s your plan?”

You slipped away before they could continue. You didn’t want to spoil the moment for both you and Tom. The minute you got to Tom’s room, you spun in a circle, overtook with adrenaline. He hadn’t even asked you, and you couldn’t stop beaming. A knock at the door interrupted your private celebration. It was Tom.

“Hey, love,” he laughed, closing the door behind him, “Whatcha doing?” You turned bright red, “Oh, nothing,”

“How are you doing? What with meeting them, and-” you cut him off, with a kiss, suddenly very affectionate. “I freaking love your family,” He chuckled, “Good, I’m glad. Told you they’d adore you.”

Harry abruptly barged into the room, with Sam trailing behind, apologizing for his brother’s brashness. “You love birds wanna watch a movie?”

And so you found yourself wrapped in a blanket with Tom, his ratty sweatshirt keeping you warm, watching an old horror movie. Paddy sat next to you, and you exchanged sarcastic comments. Harry would throw popcorn at you two every once and awhile to shut you up. As the movie progressed, you found yourself dozing off against Tom’s chest, he soothingly wound your hair around his fingers.

In the fine line between dreams and reality, you glanced around. Though you had met them only today, you felt… safe... home, with the Hollands. Like you were already part of their family. And weeks later, it would be official.

[lil-feenz]

This Christmas (MyDay Secret Santa gift)

a/n: wow, okay first off i haven’t written a fic in years so this was a #struggle so props to all of you writers out there doin ur thing! ur amazing and you are appreciated!

i wrote this for my secret santa gift for one of the world’s nicest mydays aka @parkjaeins ! it’s been so fun messaging you, and i’m really glad i got to know you a little bit! i hope you have an amazing christmas, and i hope this is slightly enjoyable! (im sorry i still don’t quite like the beginning and end so forgive me!!)

genre: holiday fluff, angst if you squint and do a headstand

word count: 2.8k-ish oof

summary: Distance makes the heart grow fonder, they say. However, being apart for their first Christmas left Janelle particularly reminiscent. (a.k.a. holiday facetiming with Jae)

characters: Jae x OC, 3rd person (I did write this specifically for my secret santa!)

Brrrrrrng.

“Huh.”

The ringing sound slowly seeped its way into Janelle’s consciousness, insisting its way through her concentration as her brain reached for a response. What was that noise again?

Brrrrrrrng.

“Oh.”

Janelle haphazardly leaned over the bowls and ingredients crowding the counter in an effort to reach her laptop. Smudging some residual flour on the mouse pad of her laptop, she ran her fingers over the device and pressed down to hear that satisfying little click, accepting the video call request.

“Hi, babe!” she called out hurriedly, dancing around her own feet to maneuver in front of her laptop. Catching herself in and out of balance, her body finally slumped onto the countertop, a lopsided smile decorating her face.

A scratching sound echoed in the kitchen as Jae shuffled around on the other end of the call. Janelle caught the sight of the dormitory in the moving scene displayed in front of her. “He must’ve just finished at the Christmas Eve concert the boys were having,” she thought.

“Hey, baby,” Jae drawled with a tired smile on his face, raising his phone to eye level now. “How’s it going?” A soft thump pushed its way through her laptop speakers as Jae unceremoniously flopped onto his bed, followed by the murmur of ”Merry Christmas Eve.”

“Pffft,” Janelle laughed airily at his antics. “I’m doing fine, just trying to finish up some things for our Christmas get-together.” Glancing down at her hands, she noted the dusting of dry ingredients surrounding her laptop and absentmindedly brushed it away with her fingers. “How was the show tonight?”

Jae quietly beamed, his face turning up towards the ceiling. “Man, the fans’ energy was great. I think it was a nice way to finish 2018 as a group and fans, we had a pretty good year together, y’know?” He reached back, ruffling his fluffy crop of hair. “I just wish you could’ve been there.”

A small sadness panged through Janelle’s chest. “I know, I do, too…” She exhaled softly. With Jae’s world tour, music show performances, and awards shows on top of Janelle’s studies and exams that all seemed to come nonstop the past two months, the pair only had digital representations of each other to find comfort in.

A thought dwelled in the back of Janelle’s mind: she knew long distance spells like this would be a reality when she chose to let Jae into her life, but she didn’t expect that the deep craving to be there with him would ache so thoroughly. Walking into a coffee shop reminded her of their first few meetings with him. Seeing dogs on the street reminded her of the time they puppy-sat for Dowoon when Janelle concluded that Jae was absolutely a Yorkie.

-

“A Yorkie?!” Jae choked while Janelle cackled. “How on earth am I a Yorkie?”

“C’mon, don’t tell me you don’t see it. Big personality, easily susceptible to getting clowned, sassy, territorial, suspicious of every noise, they’re, like, 18 cm tall, you’re 180 cm,” she listed off, checking off each thing with her fingers. “Yorkies absolutely fit the bill.”

“Okay, okay okay,” Jae hurriedly interjected, “but I protest. I’m more like a Great Dane, or something.” He was incredulous, and she could tell. This would be fun, and she knew it. “I am friendly, I am loving, I am large and in charg-” Unfortunately, he did not get to finish before Janelle’s laughter burst through the conversation.

“Please do not finish that phrase, oh my gosh,” she managed through her giggles, sitting up. She patted his knee gingerly. “The only thing you can claim from a Great Dane is you don’t realize how big you are.”

“I am offended,” Jae gasped, eyes wide and a hand mockingly hovering over his chest, “are you calling me fat?”

Suddenly, Janelle’s humorous expression dropped. She knew what was coming. “Jaehyung Park, don’t you dare,” she tried to warn, but Jae wasn’t one to back down from a joke.

“I am honestly HURT that you would call your warm and caring boyfriend fat,” he went on, progressively leaning further into her space on the couch, “I truly thought you appreciated my physique, you’ve never once complained about my cuddles, but I guess your true feelings are showing.” He continued blabbering dramatically as he used every bit of height he had over her to lay uncomfortably on top of her protesting figure. He turned onto his back as he tried to push her into the couch as she alternated between laughs and groans of discomfort.

“Jae, you’re really bony, you know that?”

“Yep.”

“So you know I’m very uncomfortable right now.”

“Yep.”

“So then what will it take to get you off of me, if you don’t mind?”

“Admit I’m a Great Dane.”

“But you know, you’re really acting like a stubborn Yorkie right now,” she commented, wiggling underneath him to free her shoulder of his spine pressing into her. He only pushed further. “Ow!”

“Or am I just an affectionate Great Dane trying to get some reciprocated affection?” he rebutted, turning his head to catch a glimpse of her struggling underneath the dead weight of his body.

-

“Hey, is something on your mind?”

Janelle snapped back to attention, staring at the image of Jae on her laptop. He was sitting up, looking at her curiously with a bit of worry coloring his gaze.

“Sorry, I just zoned out a bit,” she smiled meekly, widening the placement of her elbows, allowing her to fiddle with her fingers.

Jae gave her a knowing smile. He could read her like a book, no, like a score, watching all the thoughts swirling intertwining within her, conveying her thoughts and emotions in a symphony of signs: the light behind her eyes, the furrow and lift of her brows, the pull of her lips, the curve of her posture. “Damn,” he thought, “I’ve got it bad.”

“It’s okay,” he assured warmly, trying to lift the mood. He knew it was hard being apart for their first Christmas as a couple, but it was Christmas, for goodness sakes, and he wasn’t about to let Janelle be sad if he could help it. “So what are you doing for the fam?” he asked, hoping to bring about a lighter topic.

Janelle looked at the bowls, sugar, baking powder, and other items scattered about next to her. “Well, I’ve been trying to finish baking as much as I can for tomorrow’s dinner so tomorrow is as stress-free as possible,” she sighed, the hours of baking she’d done the past week catching up to her. “I realized a few days ago that I’d been so busy baking for everyone else that I forgot to plan what I’d bring to Christmas dinner, so I’m just making a batch of brownies.” Her eyes flitted over the half-done batch of batter she had been making when Jae called. The oven light let out a soft click to signal it was done preheating, briefly drawing her attention to the appliance. “I figured it’s a crowd-pleaser, so I couldn’t really go wrong.”

Jae threw back his head with a groan and a smile. “You’re making brownies? Without me to taste test? I’m jealous.” There was no doubt Janelle’s baking was popular amongst her family and friends, and Jae was undoubtedly a contender for her number one fan.

Jae watched Janelle turn back towards the camera and arch an eyebrow playfully. “You better watch that sweet tooth of yours, I wouldn’t want you going out to find a substitute sweet and finding a better baker than me,” she joked. “I can’t lose my number one customer.”

A fondness curled up inside Jae’s chest. He lolled his head to the side, squinting and shaking his head. “Never, babe.” A brief but familiar silence lapsed between the two as they alternated looking at each other and at their hands. Jae quickly cut in, “But for real, you’re going to save me some, right? I put it on my Christmas list, and I’ll be very sad if I miss out on that brownie goodness.”

Janelle chuckled. “Well, if I can figure out the rules for sending food at the post, then I might just make you a batch.” Collecting her measuring spoons and snatching the tub of cocoa powder, she scooped up the soft, brown powder and tapped it into her mixing bowl. She glanced at him through the camera mischievously, attempting an air on nonchalance. “But you might check under your bed in the meantime, Santa may have left something to make it up to you.”

Squinting suspiciously to hide his excitement, he lowered his arm and scooted off the bed.  Sliding himself to the floor, he rested on his knees and elbows, still clutching onto the device that held Janelle, nervously awaiting his reaction. Sure enough, a small box sat proudly amongst the clutter underneath his bed. “Wow, a bow and everything!” he tucked his chin in in a big, goofy grin. Janelle’s view of Jae was obstructed as he ducked to grab the gift.

“Nice ceiling, are those new lights?” she quipped, heart picking up a little as she waited for him to see the gift. Jae just snorted in response. She was actually quite nervous: had the gift made it in one piece? Was it the right one? She hadn’t laid eyes on it herself, rather, she had it shipped straight to South Korea, entrusting Younghyun to receive and hide the box in Jae’s room. Abandoning the mix once more, she looked on as the camera moved around dizzyingly until Jae righted himself into view.

“Aw, thank you, babe,” Jae cooed, examining the box in his free hand.

Janelle smiled, trying to egg him on. “You can thank me after you open it! Go ahead!”

He obliged, commentating with his stream of consciousness while setting down his phone to pry open the box. “Alright, alright, I’m going. I can’t believe this, who did you have to bribe to bust into my room?” he paused and shoved his head directly in front of his phone. “Was it Brian?”

“Jae, for the love of all that is good and sacred, if you don’t open that gift, I’m going to send all of your brownies to Wonpil and make you suffer, please open it!” Janelle threatened quickly, eyebrows shooting up to try and show some authority.

“You’re not intimidating, babe.”

“...shut up and open the stinking box.”

Jae continued on, ripping open the tape keeping the box sealed. Janelle shifted on her feet, waiting for any sort of reaction.

“Well?” she asked, only catching the tip of his head from the angle of the camera.

“Well, you need to tell Brian that he’s a crappy gift wrapper. He only put a bow on it,” Jae panned, holding the red decoration over the camera for Janelle to see. Janelle heard the final rip as the last bit of tape gave up its hold on the box. Shuffling. She gazed intensely at the shot of Jae’s forehead, the nerves in her stomach tingling. She studied the way his eyebrows pushed up, creating fine wrinkles in his forehead.

Jae was silent. Janelle hopes it’s the good kind of silent. Chewing on the inside of her lip, she cautiously asked, “Do you like it?”

The view on her laptop shifted again as Jae picked up his phone. She couldn’t read the look on his face, but she didn’t push any further. Jae sat against the side of his bed, organizing his thoughts, his jaw slack and his eyes clear. “Janelle, this is…” he left his sentence unfinished, opting to shake his head and look directly into the camera. “Thank you for this,” he swiveled around, snatching his pillow off the bed to use as a stand for his phone. He carefully set down the device and leaned it against the pillow until his cross-legged figure was in full view. Next to him lay the now empty brown box, and in his lap sat a brown leather bound book. He turned his attention to it, opening the cover gently, eyes roaming the title page that read “Memories” in black script. In it were pictures the pair had taken while they had visited each other, Janelle when she went to Korea in the summer and Jae when he pit-stopped for a day after the concert stop in Jakarta. Some were selfies, showing silly faces and surprise kisses, some were sneakily taken shots of Jae sleeping on the couch or low-angle shots under his chin. He slowly flicked through the pages, seeing pictures of the coffee shop where they first met in Korea, selfies of Janelle pouting with a small plushie Jae had given her before she left to start uni.

Janelle watched on, her chin resting on the heel of her palm, her weight balancing on one foot as she crossed her ankles, resting her toes on the cool floor of her kitchen. She felt a soft bliss as Jae scanned the photo book she had made for him, a compilation of their times together so they could reminisce. She knew how sentimental Jae was inside, and she knew how hard being constantly busy was, and if he missed her the way she missed him, the distance couldn’t have been easy on him.

“I just figured it’d be nice to start keeping something to help us along when we’re apart,” Janelle divulged, eyeing the screen before letting her eyes fall to the countertop.

“There’s blank ones,” Jae remarked, looking at his screen once more. His voice was soft, devoid of the usual playfulness typical of his tone.

Janelle bit her lip, an excited smile forming on her face. “Yeah, I left those for our future memories.”

Jae rocked backwards, hands holding his ankles, hitting the side of his bed in the process. He looked down at the book again, a smile brimming on his own face. “I love it, babe. This was very thoughtful, I really like it.” Making eye contact with her through the screen, he tried to convey as meaningful a look as possible. “Come, here,” he suddenly said, holding his arms out towards the phone, wrapping it and the pillow in an awkward hug.

Janelle laughed on the other end of the line. “Well, that didn’t last long, did it?”

“Come on, don’t leave me hanging, or else this’ll get really awkward.”

“It already is awkward, Jae.”

“It’s what I do best.”

Releasing a sigh ahead of a warm smile, Janelle obliged, wrapping her laptop a hugging gesture. “You’re crazy.”

“Right back at ya,” Jae drew away, smoothly dropping a wink. Janelle gagged in response.

“What about me? Any hints for my gift?” Janelle redirected, hoping to escape more electronics-as-middleman skinship.

Looking out at his room, Jae exhaled shortly. “I checked the postage tracking, but I think it got held up in customs,” he explained, “I knew I should’ve sent it earlier.”

“Don’t worry about it!” Janelle hastily deflected the negativity pulling down on her boyfriend’s shoulders. “Anything is fine, I’m just lucky to have you,” she pressed her lips together to try and dispel any regret he may have been having.

“Janelle,” Jae began, “I think we all know that I’m the lucky one in this combo. Like, the fact that I even managed to meet you is a miracle in itself, so please, will you let me keep the title of ever-grateful boyfriend here?”

A roll of the eyes. A sarcastic smirk.

“Well, I guess, but where does that leave me, huh?”

“You win title of the most tolerant girlfriend to the most ridiculous man on earth,” he quipped.

Another eye roll. “Well, you’ve got that right,” she muttered jokingly.

“I’ll let that slide since it’s Christmas.” Jae got up from the floor, clutching the book as he waddled over to his desk.

“You love me,” Janelle swayed her shoulders to the side, leaning her head down until they met before she started to pick back up on her baking.

“You know it.”

Time slipped by as they continued to chatter about plans before ringing in the New Year. Janelle joked about kissing a random person at midnight on New Years Eve: sulking, Jae left the phone on his desk as he paced around his room. “That’s mean,” he pouted. Both of them knew that neither would ever do such a thing, and both trusted each other to not betray that.

After catching up with each other, Jae was fighting back the onslaught of sleep and Janelle was waiting for her brownies to finish baking. It was quite late, but neither party seemed to want to end the call. Eventually, Janelle’s conscience nagged her into encouraging Jae to go to bed.

“You need the rest, you shouldn’t sleep Christmas away,” she reasoned, swinging her legs from her perch on the countertop.

Jae whined, but relented. “Yes, ma’am,” he grumbled sarcastically. “Talk to you later?”

“Yeah, talk to you later. Good night, Jae.” That little pang in her chest returned, wishing earnestly that she could be there with him.

“G’night, babe,” Jae grinned, crinkling his eyes and waving before her smiling face disappeared and a dark screen took her place.

Heaving a sigh, Jae propelled himself up from his bed, going to the bathroom to wash up before packing his toiletries.

Her Christmas gift was on his way.

a/n: WOW congrats if you made it through!! hope you enjoyed it, have a merry christmas! 

[historiesandmemories]

❛ i’m sorry, have we met? ❜ (bringer for fam bcus angst :) )

Famine scoffed and shook her head. "No, never," she droned sarcastically. But as she looked back to Bringer's face, she found no hint of joking amongst their familiar features. Dread dropped like a heavy, cold stone in her stomach as she watched them and realized they were terribly, horribly, heartbreakingly serious.

As if the words had a physical impact on her, the horseman took a step back, her gaze never leaving the Bringer. "No, never," she repeated and was shocked to find her voice full of impending tears, "I...I must've confused you for someone else. I really oughta wear my glasses." She gave a forced laugh that was hardly humorous. "Sorry for interrupting you. Have a good day." She gave a quick wave accompanied by a polite smile before stepping away.

As soon as she was past Bringer, the tears bit her eyes fiercely and she struggled to blink them back. What the hell was going on? Famine took a quick glance over her shoulder, just to make sure that that really was Bringer and she hadn't just mistaken someone for her partner. She desperately wished that was the case. That later, when she next saw Bringer, she could tell them, laughter dancing through her words, about how she randomly bounded up to a man on the street she'd mistaken for them and had been embarrassingly mistaken. But no. She knew Bringer, even beyond looks. There was an aura of comfort around them, an easy familiarity that Famine would recognize without even having to see them. And that was here, though it felt so jarring against their total lack of recognition.

Famine looked to her feet as she kept walking, feeling tears spill over onto her cheeks despite her best efforts. There were plenty of people she knew whom she'd love to have forget her existence. Her siblings, Maina, that one guy in town who was a little too fond of Famine for her liking. But Bringer forgetting her? Famine had had her heart broken again and again but somehow this was the most painful break. It was a shattering that left no shards but dust, the poor scarps of her heart ground into nothing through her despair.