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drrutherford · 8 months ago

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Yes. This evening should be over, should've been over before it'd even started.

But the Rutherford doesn't answer her. He buttons his jacket in silence, even as the pleasant, carefree hubbub of the bar surrounds Cecelia's words, a stark contrast between lightheartedness and sobriety. He wants to know who told her about his private affairs. He wants to know what they're saying, how they found out, what poisonous opinions are circulating about him this time. He knows she won't tell him.

'I don't know who hurt you,' Cecelia says, and he wants to laugh. How much time do ya got, Hathaway?... It might've all started with a car crash at the age of five, with his aunt's guilty, trembling fingers as she'd tried to unwind his hand from hers and leave him in a place he didn't understand, with other children who'd lost parents, too.

Old stories, old wounds — but there are events even Cece remembers.

The way his name was dragged in every fucking tabloid and online forum for years after supposedly betraying Britain's sweetheart; the darling, two-timing, drug-abusing Katherine Mayfair — who'd detonated his reputation all to punish him for the Great Crime of divorcing her and seeking custody of his son.

"It's not about whether you're out to get me." He lies, because it is that too, because he doesn't trust her, even though he has enough manners not to say it to her face. But it isn't only that. "It's about the fact that my business – my own – is wagging on people's tongues despite my not telling anyone outside of my family." Leyla and Nora were the only ones among his friends who knew of his plans, and neither were the type to tell. "Hell, Cece," He scoffs, "There are even members of my family who don't know it yet. I'm sure you can imagine what that feels like."

But maybe she's right, that she isn't the kind of woman whose agenda he should be so deathly afraid of. After all, it could've been Charlene; with her razor-sharp smile and cold-hearted machinations. It can always be worse; life has taught him that.

''My motives were clouded, but they were real. Does that count for anything?'

Despite himself, despite the fact he has one foot out the door, Gideon sighs. "I dunno." He admits, this time honestly. "Maybe it does, I'm not sure." He shakes his head and nudges the stool out again, but he doesn't sit; not just yet. Instead, he meets Cece's gaze, as if to say for your love of all things holy, don't make me regret this.

"Yes, I'm trying to get Felix back. Because..." Gideon hesitates, looking for a polite way to say, 'his mother only remembers he's around when she can use him as a weapon'. He doesn't say it. Even now, he can't. Maybe to the courts, but not to Cece. "Because I've reason to think it's in his best interests. Whatever people may think of that."

Your kind of people, he thinks. The people who make gossip their currency.

The surgeon looks down at the business card for her top private investigator. It's sitting abandoned on the bar counter now, next to Cece's free drink, compliments of Table 5. As much as it irks him to think she's picked up his case out of a need for diversion, as if his entire life is of no more importance than a trifling hobby to her, he tries to consider his son. It might hurt his pride, but if it could benefit Felix...

"How did you come by the services of a PI, anyway?"

It's bold. Blurted out without the due consideration that would normally bar such a question from his mouth. But as his gaze flickers up from the card and back onto Cece, he finds he doesn't regret it. Two could play at this game.

And if isn't a game, then Cecelia Hathaway can give him an ounce of private truth for the pound she'd stolen from him, unsolicited.

Now, he seemed utterly absurd. She couldn't help but release a sigh, one that conveyed a clear message: it was time for a serious discussion. They had barely arrived, yet both were already acting impulsively. What they truly needed was a moment to pause, to take a breath, and to approach this situation anew. She had reconsidered. She was ready to give it another shot, but he would also need to be open to the idea and let go of the ridiculous notion that everything she did was solely for her own benefit. "Are we already deeming this evening over then?"

No, she resolved to push back a bit more. Not to defend her offer for assistance anymore, but to combat this perception he seemed to have of her.

"Gideon, I don't know who hurt you..." someone had to have hurt the man, "but not everyone is out to get you. I'm not. I'm offering to help. If you don't want my help fine. But, don't paint me up as some kind of woman incapable of carry out a single non selfish act. I've got my flaws, but I'm not that kind of woman."

She was actually fighting for this. Why? Especially, when just moments before she was ready to delete his contact from her phone forever. Did Gideon Rutherford really mean that much to her? No, not really. She didn't mean that harshly. It was just, this was a whole lot more than just that. A whole lot more than just one man. This was about her soul. And, unfortunately for Gideon, she'd already decided today that he was going to be her part of her little contrition mission.

I got carried away. When I heard about your situation, I just…" needed the distraction. Would she admit that though? Perhaps just a hint. Just enough for him to grasp. "I needed something to divert my attention. I won't delve into it, but not everything in my life is as flawless as you might assume. So, yes, I took it upon myself to delve into your problem, your ex, and your child. I'm sorry. You're justified in being upset. It was desperate…" pitiful, "but I genuinely wanted to help you. That much is true. My motives were clouded, but they were real. Does that count for anything?"

The atmosphere in the bar grew still, although nothing outwardly had shifted. It remained open, the crowd maintaining its size, and the sound of balls being potted persisted. However, what had truly changed was Cece's heightened focus on the man before her. She waited, anticipating his response. For her, this level of openness was rare, and now that she had shown it, she felt a twinge of unease settling within her.

This wasn't like her. At least not since she'd met Adam. She was insecure all over again. Here she was, waiting for Gideon Rutherford to acknowledge her apology. Fuck—this blackmail ordeal had truly taken its toll on her. But could she honestly claim to be the same person she was before Harrods? No. The truth was, the day Cece chose to get involved with some utter knob (that's how the British put it), her entire world had shattered.

"Maybe I should just go."

#G x Cecelia #March '24 #every day i ask myself #why is he so weak for a good guilt trip #convert him Cece; he'd make a good Catholic

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jaceyneedsabetterusername · 4 years ago

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Hayloft p.3

Pairing: Arvin Russell x F!Reader

Summary: Your dad brings home his new coworker, Arvin Russell, telling you that he’ll be living with the two of you for a while. While attempting to keep Arvin from seeing the disfunction of your relationship with your father, the two of you grow closer than you thought. (Inspired by “Hayloft” by Mother Mother, though that’ll really only be one chapter later on so I don’t know if it really counts…)

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, death, abuse, and sexual assault (depictions of none, though)

Word Count: 5.0k

A/N: I am so sorry for how long this took to publish! Work and school have been CRAZY!

Citation: (This is absolutely cited incorrectly but the poem included was found at this link!) https://rememberingthesixties.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/love-poems

Read the Previous Chapters!

Part 1 Part 2

_________________________________

“No! No! No! I ain’t got time for this today!” You groaned, twisting your key in the ignition only to hear the engine struggle to turn over. You were already running late to work, thanks to you misplacing your shoes, purse, and keys all on the same morning. When it was really only just you, your dad, and Arvin living in your home, it was ridiculous to be losing things as often as you did. It’s not like they were touching them. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think there was some gremlin that lived in the linen closet and hid your things to make life more difficult.

Of course, your car wouldn’t work either. What a fantastic beginning to the day.

You weren’t even sure what could be wrong with the car. It had worked just fine yesterday. There was no reason for it to suddenly fall apart on you. But alas, after several minutes of trying to start the car and checking what basic things you knew about under the hood to no avail, you gave out a groan of anger, “Damnit!”

With an angry kick of your old tire, you stomped back into the house. “Everythin' okay?” Arvin asked from the dining room table, where he sat eating a plate of toast and eggs.

“I was already running late this morning and now my stupid car won’t start,” you grumbled, throwing your purse onto the open chair and taking the phone off the receiver on the wall with more aggression than you intended. You were spinning the dial and putting in the phone number to the diner you worked at.

Arvin leaned forward in his seat, “I can take a look at it for you, if you’d like.”

“That would be great if you’re willing to but-” You began to answer but you stopped abruptly and held up a finger to him when a voice answered on the phone.

“Molly’s Diner. How can I help ya?” A woman’s voice that you recognized as your coworker Charlene asked from the other side.

“Hey, Charlene?” You asked, shooting Arvin an apologetic look for the sudden interruption. She sounded surprised to hear your greeting on the other end.

“Where you at, girl?” She questioned, the ambient wound of the busy diner in the background.

You leaned against the wall, gripping the phone with both hands, “I know I’m late! I’m sorry! My car broke down and I don’t think I can make it-”

“I can give you a ride if you need.” Arvin offered quiet enough for Charlene to not hear him on the other end but you perked up.

“Wait, hang on-” You interrupted Charlene just as she began to respond, “I can actually get a ride in.” You mouthed a sincere thank you to Arvin while holding onto the phone with both hands, feeling a slight glimmer of hope in your otherwise crappy day.

“You know what? Don’t even worry about it. You’re already so late just take the day off and get your car fixed. Just be here tomorrow, alright?” You could almost hear the way Charlene’s hand was waving dismissively from the other end of the phone.

You sighed in relief, “Thank you so much. I’ll make it up to you!” After a few brief goodbyes, you hung the phone up on the receiver.

Arvin stood up and placed his plate in the sink, “So are you needin’ a ride to work?”

You shook your head, “No, Charlene said to just take the day off ‘n get the car fixed. Thank you, though. It really is sweet of you to offer.”

Arvin only shrugged, “C’mon, after all you done for me, givin’ you a ride into town really ain’t much at all. I’d still be more than happy to take a look under your hood if you’d like.”

You blushed and tried to suppress the immature giggles that threatened to slip out at the way he worded his offer. His face visibly paled and began to stumble over his words, “‘m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to come out like that! I didn’t mean take a look under your… erm. I ain’t too good with my words sometimes. Forgive me.”

You laughed outright now, stepping forward and trying to pull his nervously fidgeting arms down, “It’s okay! You’re fine! You’re fine! I would love it if you looked under my hood.” You teased, overexaggerating the way you emphasized his words, throwing them back at him.

He rolled his eyes at you, an embarrassed smile pulling the corner of his lips upwards, before looking back down at you. It was then that you realized just how close you and Arvin were, your fingers still loosely touching his forearms where they had fallen. You looked up into his eyes - those soulful brown eyes - and found yourself wanting to know everything that they’d seen.

That familiar heat rose to your cheeks and you pulled your hands back, running them up and down the white apron you wore over teal uniform, “Well, um, I’m gonna go get changed outta this if I ain’t gotta wear it for work and then I can help you out with the car?”

Arvin’s hands found their way to his pockets and he nodded in understanding.

You had changed into a pair of jeans with a buttoned up blouse before jogging out front to find Arvin already bent over the exposed inner workings of your car. “How’s it lookin’?” You asked, slowing to a pace until you reached the car. You landed beside him, hands falling on the dirty metal as you leaned over to see the mechanics. He fiddled with a few things here and there, things that you didn’t quite understand. You were good with the basics of fixing your car. You could change the oil and fix a flat but when it came to the more complicated stuff, you were a little less well-versed.

He leaned back and wiped his greasy hands on each other, “I think I have the problem pinpointed. ‘M gonna need to head into town and get a part but it’s not a hard fix at all.”

“Thank you so much for doin’ this. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” You took a few steps back as Arvin lowered the hood, letting it fall the last few inches with a heavy thud.

“Yeah, well I’m happy I can finally be some help ‘round here to you.”

You rolled your eyes, following Arvin back to the house, “Please, you are plenty of help ‘round here. More help than I’ve gotten in years.”

Arvin gave you a knowing tight-lipped smile and nodded once the two of you made it through the front door. He didn’t say anything for a moment but there was a silent understanding. “You need anything while I’m out?” He asked, changing the subject.

You shook your head, “No, I’m alright. Thank you though.”

It was rare that you actually had time to yourself. While Arvin was gone, you found yourself wandering around confused for a short while until the buzzing silence wore on your ears. You sat on the couch and pulled the radio over closer to you on the coffee table, looking over your shoulder as if someone would catch you at any moment.

This was one of your secrets that you held close to you, knowing your father would make fun of you if he ever found out. Moon River had been a favorite radio program of yours since you discovered it while tuning through the stations a year back. It was full of romantic poetry and slow beautiful music. Everything you dreamt about but knew you could never have, not while you were stuck here at least. But a girl could dream.

“Tonight’s love poem is written by Betty Hayes Albright. We hope you enjoy.

They tell me not to write of love

but what else can I write –

when love is in my heart and soul

and mind both day and night?

“You’re just too young and you can’t know

of love,” (does anyone?)

“you can’t profess such knowledge –

stick to verse and pun.”

They tell me that, and say love poems

are worn out through and through

but I can’t agree with them,

for me love is brand new.

Feelings in me can’t stay down,

my love for him I can’t ignore,

somehow it’s got to be expressed,

“I’ve got no lock upon my door.”

To those who stick to subjects

of the sky and stars, of joy and pain

I write my poems of love because

my heart’s love-blood shall never drain.

Perhaps they too shall love again.”

You sighed as it came to an end and you couldn’t help but see Arvin’s face in your mind’s eye. Love had always felt like something you could only dream of. It was a “one day when I get out of here” thought, not something you saw yourself obtaining for a long time, if ever. Now with Arvin… well you weren’t sure if you could call it love but it sure as hell was the closest thing to it you’d experienced.

Since the words were spoken, they kept swirling around your head: “When love is in my heart and soul; and mind both day and night.” Since his arrival two months ago, Arvin had been that very subject on your mind almost constantly. He was the first face you hoped to see every morning and the last one you wanted to see before bed. Your entire mood lit up every time he walked into the room, even when you were stressed from work or your father. It hadn’t been hard for you to realize that he became the lighthouse in the rocky ocean, promising solace and providing light in the storm that could be your life at times. It was hard to not fall for that.

"Never heard that one before." You whipped around in a panicked start to see Arvin standing in the foyer. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

You shook your head and tucked your hair behind your ears, "No, no, you're fine. You read a lot of poetry?" You watched Arvin shake his head and walk into the room. He stopped on the other side of the couch and you climbed up, placing your knees on the cushions and leaning over the back of the couch to look up at him.

"I don't like poetry all that much, at least the ones we read in high school… but I like that one." He looked down at where his hand gripped the back of the couch and his weight shifted on his feet.

Your eyes fell to his hands in an attempt to hide the blush that crept up on your cheeks that really had no place being there. "Yeah… me too. It reminds me that there is real love out there in the world."

A silence settled over the room as your eyes anxiously dragged up Arvin’s body till they settled on his eyes but you found yourself unable to hold his gaze. "I, erm, I got the part I need for your car." He took a step back and lifted the hand that wasn't on the couch, tossing the metal mechanism in his hand.

"Oh," you pressed yourself away from the couch and moved back to stand, "thank you for runnin’ all the way out into town."

He gave you a small smile and a nod, “It’s my pleasure. I’m gonna go see if this fixes the problem.”

***

"That should be it," Arvin slammed the hood back down and wiped his hands on his jeans. "We should take her for a drive to see if she's runnin' alright now."

You nodded, "Alright. Hop in." You took the keys from your pocket and gestured to the passenger seat. Arvin climbed in and you slid into the driver's seat, turning the key. This time, the engine started up without a problem. A big smile spread across your face, "You're a miracle worker, you know that?"

Arvin shook his head, "I ain't no miracle worker. Just good with fixin' things I s'pose."

Your feet were on the brake and the clutch when you shifted into first gear and began to peel out down the long dirt driveway. You stopped at the road and looked both ways, trying to decide which way to go. You looked to your right, the road into town, and then to the left, the way to that field that was oh so special to you. You began to gnaw at your lower lip.

Did you want to show Arvin? That little clearing by the creek had been your secret getaway since you’d discovered it three years ago. You never told anybody about it and you’d never seen anyone else there when you went so, as far as you were concerned, it was yours. Your special hide away, your paradise, your escape. But since his arrival, Arvin had become just that as well.

“You alright?” He questioned, looking over at you with a vaguely concerned expression.

You looked over at him, a nervous twist to your lips, “Can I show you somewhere special?” Perhaps it was an odd question to ask, though you hadn’t thought it was until you saw the curious and somewhat confused look dawn on Arvin’s face. Nevertheless, he nodded and, with a smile, you turned left towards the field.

It was a short but otherwise successful, trouble-free drive. You slowed down and pulled off to the side of the road into the dirt shoulder. “Where are we?” Arvin asked, looking around and seeing nothing but tall grass and trees.

With an impish smile, you turned off the ignition and looked towards him, “You’ll see. C’mon!” You threw your door open and walked around the front of the car towards the passenger’s side, hanging on the passenger door when Arvin finally opened the door to exit the vehicle.

He followed you to the edge of the brush where you walked as if you knew it like home. With minimal effort, you found the overgrown path and pulled him along behind you. The road disappeared behind the two of you as you wandered beyond the tree line, tall birch trees creating a maze that you knew by heart. The path was short and you navigated it with a sixth sense until you led Arvin to a small field. There was an imperfect circle of wild grasses beside a stream that seemingly appeared from nowhere but you knew it was that time of year when the snow started melting off the mountains. Bundles of wildflowers grew mixed in the grass. Just along the bank of the crystal clear creek water was a large dogwood tree with vibrant white flowers.

“Wow…” Arvin breathed out in amazement as he tried to take in the beauty of the place.

“Pretty, ain’t it?” You asked with a smile, the wonder in his brown eyes warming your heart. You were glad that he seemed to appreciate it as much as you did.

You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face as your heart welled with happiness at his stunned reaction. He stepped in a slow circle, taking in the beautiful scenery. “It’s beautiful.”

“This is sorta my… escape from reality, I guess you could call it. I come here and I’m suddenly in a different world away from all the bullshit of life.” You reached down to run your fingers through the soft blades of grass. Arvin smirked and you looked up at him with a short breathy laugh, “What?”

He shook his head and looked down, hands buried in his pockets as always, “I think that’s the first time I ever heard you curse.”

You rolled your eyes, “I don’t do it very often. My daddy would always yell at me tellin’ me how un-ladylike it was to say bad words. Told me it made me sound ugly. I think his exact words were ‘a dirty mouth makes a dirty woman.’” Your voice dropped to mock your father.

Arvin spoke plainly, “Your pa needs to treat you better.”

You gave him a sad knowing smile and looked down at the ground, “It wasn’t always like this, y’know? I think that’s the saddest part.”

“What you mean?” Arvin asked.

You sat down on the grass, feeling the soft blades press against your skin as you sat back on your hands. Arvin followed suit, finding a comfortable spot beside you and waiting for you to continue. “When my momma was alive, he hardly ever drank. Wasn’t nothing like he is now. I think that’s the only reason I’ve put up with as much as I have. I hate seeing this miserable shell of the man I once knew but I also know that a real father wouldn’t have let himself fall into this pit - or at least stay down there long enough to practically leave his daughter to fend for herself. I just always hoped that maybe one day he’d pull through and… y’know… be my dad again.”

You laid back on the ground and stared up at the sky. The clouds passed by, white and weightless, pure and unaffected by the troubles of this world. You envied them. The way they floated along, either bringing shade and beauty to the sky or raging unapologetic storms, with no constraints as to where they could float and how they could behave… it made you wish you could be a cloud.

Arvin was silent, unsure of how to respond. He wanted to offer words of support and encouragement but he never had been too good with words. He hadn’t really been taught to talk about problems. His daddy had taught him to finish them with his fists. Finally, he sighed, looking out across the field, “I understand. I felt the same way ‘bout my daddy.”

You perched up on your elbows, “Really?”

He nodded and looked down at his leg, which he was slowly rolling side to side just to keep fidgeting in some way, “Yeah… he, uh, he changed into a totally different man after my mama died.”

You looked up at him but you could see he was trying to avoid your eyes. You rested a gentle hand on his knee, “‘M sorry, Arvin. I had no idea.”

He shook his head, “Nah, don’t be. It’s been a long time.”

“D-do you mind if I ask what happened?” You cautiously inquired but quickly added, “Of course, it’s fine if not. You just… you don’t talk much ‘bout yourself.”

Arvin took a deep breath in, “My mama died when I was ‘bout ten. Cancer took her. My daddy tried everythin’ to keep her alive but when it didn’t work… he killed ‘imself too.”

This time you were unsure of how to respond, stunned by the new information you’d just learned. “I-I’m so sorry,” you breathed out in disbelief. For some reason, you had never thought that perhaps Arvin could have had a similar childhood experience to you, like losing your mothers, but your heart went out to him.

“It took a long time for me to understand why he did what he did but I finally realized that he just loved my mama so much that he couldn’t bear to be away from her.”

“He should’ve loved you enough to stay for you.” Before you could stop yourself, the stunning but honest words slipped from your lips. You damn near stopped breathing when you realized what you said, “I’m sorry. That was out of line. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright.” Arvin had been stunned by the words that came out of your mouth but he knew damn well they were only a vocalization of a thought he had had almost every day since the day his father put a bullet in his head. “I’d be lyin’ if I said I hadn’t thought the same thing before.”

A heavy silence weighed over the two of you that was only relieved by a cool breeze. “So what happened to your mama?” Arvin asked.

Your face twisted, “Labor complications. She was pregnant with my little sister. When she went into labor, things just went really wrong. She lost too much blood ‘n died. The baby died too. I think it was just too much loss at once for my daddy to handle.”

“That’s too much loss to make a child deal with on her own,” Arvin commented the same way you had earlier.

You shrugged, wavering your head from side to side. Like he’d said, you would be lying if you said you hadn’t had the same thought. “Looks like we got a lot in common.” You chuckled sadly, “I feel like I lost everyone who ever loved me. My mom, my sister, my grandparents, my dad...” Another silence settled and you waved the thought away, pushing yourself to sit up, “‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to make this all sad.”

Arvin shook his head, “You ain’t got nothin’ to be sorry for.” He paused, hesitant to continue. He hadn’t talked to anybody about what happened back in Coal Creek and Knockemstiff but something was strongly compelling him to. Maybe it was a bad idea to continue but he did, “I had a sister once too.”

Your mouth fell slightly in surprise and you let out a heavy breath, “You did?” The use of the words had and did instead are have and do were not lost on you and you couldn’t help but wonder what had happened.

Arvin swallowed hard and nodded, “Yeah… she, uh, she got into some trouble with this no good preacher that came into town. She was just so lonely, reminds me a lot o' you, but when he saw that and he took advantage of her. Took everythin’ he wanted and when she got into trouble he just told her she was crazy.” He paused for a moment, the memories of his sister flowing through his head, “Found her hangin’ in the shed.”

You were dumbfounded by the story you’d just been told. Anger and sadness were clear in Arvin’s voice despite his attempt to hold on, though you had a feeling that just the way he had been telling you about it meant that he had shared more of himself than he ever intended to . You struggled to wrap your brain around the tragedy he had just shared. “What’s her name?” You finally asked after a few moments of silence.

Arvin looked out across the field again and then back at you, “Lenora.”

“Lenora,” you repeated, “That’s a pretty name.” Arvin only nodded wordlessly. Again, another pause before you continued, “You said it was some preacher that got her in trouble? What happened with that? I mean, you knew? Didn’t anyone else? Is he in jail or somethin’?”

The man tensed up next to you and shot a look towards you that was sharper than one he’d ever given you before. You shrank back ever so slightly, taken off guard by his response to your seemingly simple question. “‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. You don’t have to-”

“Ain’t nobody woulda believed my Lenora if she told ‘em. You know how people see women who got babies ‘n no husband. Especially since he was the preacher…” he trailed off and you were desperate to see the memories that played behind his big brown eyes, “He ain’t gonna hurt nobody no more.”

Your brows knitted together, trying to decipher what that meant. Did he go to jail? Was he fired? Was his reputation ruined? You prayed whatever justice he got was fit for something so atrocious.

"I'm sorry you lost your sister."

"I'm sorry you lost yours too."

After a long silence, Arvin laid back beside you, his body grazing your arm as he lowered himself. The two of you rested beside each other in this new understanding of each other. As you struggled to keep your attention on the sky, your eyes frequently straying from the vast blue expanse overhead to the beautiful man to your right, you couldn't help but wonder if by some insane fantasy maybe he'd be struggling to keep his eyes off of you in the same way.

"Let's talk about somethin' less depressing," you prompted, "How 'bout girlfriends? You ever had one of those?"

Arvin’s chest rose and fell heavily as he sighed, "I ain't never had much time for a girlfriend. Didn't much like anybody in my hometown anyways. Don't think nobody liked me much neither."

You rolled your eyes and audibly scoffed, "I find it hard to believe you didn't have girls bangin' down your door for a date. You're tellin' me you ain't never went out on a single date?"

He shook his head, "Nope. I mean I kissed a girl or two back when I was younger but I never had no time for datin'. Always workin' or helpin' my grandma or keepin' Lenora safe."

You rolled over onto your side and looked down at him curiously, "Where you from anyways?"

Arvin was hesitant to answer, you could see it plain as day, though you couldn't figure why. Finally, he answered, "Lived with my mama and daddy in Knockemstiff but moved to Coal Creek with my grandma after they died."

Mentally, you wracked your mental map for any memory of those towns but found none. "I don't think I ever heard of those," you commented, lying back down.

Arvin stretched his arm up and readjusted his cap, "Not many people have unless you're from near there. Just some small towns you'd drive right through and never even notice. Knockemstiff is near Meade, Ohio."

"Oh!" You exclaimed in realization, "I heard of that one!" You giggled. You didn't live anywhere near there but you'd heard the name at least from a friend whose family was from Meade.

"What about you?" He asked.

You began tracing light patterns on your stomach with your finger, "What about me? You know where I'm from."

"You ever had a boyfriend?"

You kept your eyes staring straight up. “I tried datin’ a few boys back in high school but nothing too serious. They didn’t seem to like me much,” you admitted with a shrug. At the time, it had bothered you a little that you seemed to have a hard time finding a boyfriend but now you saw that it was better this way. Younger you had spent night after night praying for a knight in shining armor that would come and whisk you away to some beautiful new life. All they had done was run for the hills because they didn’t want to deal with your daddy… not that you could blame them. You’d learned not to depend on anybody for anything, certainly not some boy to make your life better. You’d have to do that yourself.

“I think it would be impossible for somebody not to like you.” Arvin said quietly but with no ounce of dishonesty.

You rolled your eyes and rolled over to look at him, “Your just sayin’ that.” Despite the fact you swore to yourself he was only joking, blood rushed to your cheeks.

Arvin’s head turned in the crook of his arm to make eye contact with you, “I like you.”

The sweetly joking smile you had on your face fell in shock. “W-what?” You stuttered less than gracefully.

“I mean it. I like you… a lot.” After your pause, his heart fell but he didn’t need you knowing that, “You ain’t gotta say it back.”

“I like you too,” you admitted quickly before Arvin could continue to doubt himself anymore but when you looked over at him, you could see that momentary flash of doubt in his eyes. You could almost hear his thoughts behind those big brown orbs: Nah, you’re just sayin’ that. So you decided to beat him to it, “I really do.”

A warm breeze couldn’t dispel the thickness that had been created in the air between you two as you both looked at each other, trying to decipher what the other was thinking and what on Earth you were supposed to do next. Neither of you were well experienced when it came to love or romance or whatnot but experience wasn’t needed to feel some higher power, call it God or the universe, pulling the two of you together.

You weren’t quite sure when you and Arvin had started to inch your lips closer to each others’ but when they finally met in a gentle experimental kiss, it was as if fireworks had gone off. Your heart swelled with an emotion that could only be described as longing. Breathing stopped as if the feather-light touch of his lips on yours had knocked the air out of your lungs and you found yourself unable to catch it.

Both you and Arvin were hesitant to pull back and neither of you did until there was no air left in your lungs. It was one of those kisses that left you less. Breathless, speechless, thoughtless. Just less. And yet somehow more. A part of you that you had denied being empty for so long felt like it was now filled by Arvin and, perhaps that was too much credit to give for simply saying he liked you and sharing a mindblowing kiss with you, but damn.

“I-I-I uh…” You tried to stammer out something that would be fitting but there were no words.

“You ain’t gotta say nothin’.” Arvin reached over and gently brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen into your face, “But I’ll be damned if I let you go without tellin’ you you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”

You reached up and covered his large hand with your own, twisting your wrist so that your fingers would interlock with his, “Who ever said you gotta let me go?

__________________

Taglist:

@peterswebshooters

@thisisparadisemylove

@justapurrcat

@tomsirishgirlx

@peterswebshooters

@femmme-xxx-fatale

@kittyformannn

#arvin russel imagine #arvin russel imagines #arvin russell #arvin russel x reader #arvin russel x you #arvin russel x y/n #arvin russel fluff #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader #tom holland x fem #tom holland x you #tdatt fanfiction #tdatt fic #tdatt x reader #tdatt #tdatt imagine #the devil all the time

251 notes · View notes

crossbows-and-moonshine · 6 years ago

Text

Mobile masterlist (updated)

Updated list for you lovelies.

Daryl imagines;

Little black dress.

Summary: It’s the welcome party for you at Alexandria and a little black dress makes your dreams come true. Warnings: Swearing, a little bit of sexiness, and of course that hot crossbow-wielding redneck that we all love.

Truth or dare.

Summary: After a hard day, you and your best friend Daryl get drunk leading to some fun. Warnings: Swearing, smut, alcohol.

Scar.

Summary: Feeling ugly after being disfigured, Daryl helps you see your beauty. Warning: Swearing, a little angst, and lots of fluff.

Panic attacks and pregnancy.

Summary: You get the shock of your life. Warning: Panic attack, fluff and pregnancy.

Making up.

Summary: You and your fiancé Daryl have a huge fight, but then make up in the best way. Warnings: Swearing, angst, smut.

A twin thing.

Summary: An unexpected person comforts you after a loss. Warnings: Death, swearing, fluff.

Shower time.

Summary: You’re new to Alexandria and you get a special welcome from someone. Warnings: Swearing, smut.

Damaged.

Summary: You meet Daryl in the line up with Negan and get more than you bargained for. Warnings: Swearing, angst, mention of child’s death, a bit of violence and smut.

Damaged part 2.

Summary: Part 2. Daryl starts to be extra protective of you, causing some tension. Warnings: Swearing, angst, smut.

BangBang.

Summary: After leaving with Merle, Daryl comes back and blames himself for you getting shot, which leads to him confessing his feeling. Warning: Swearing, fluff, Daryl tears.

Hope.

Summary: Daryl wants kids and you’re scared to tell him you can’t have them. Warning: Swearing, mentions of infertility, and fluff. Lots of fluff!

Trip to Alexandria.

Summary: You’re Jesus’s sister and go with him to Alexandria for the first time. Warning: Swearing.

The necklace.

Summary: You were looking for Merle unaware he was dead. You ended up finding Daryl and he helps you with your grief. Warnings: Swearing, fluff.

Birthday present.

Summary: Daryl gets jealous of you spending time with Rick and fucks things up. Warning: Swearing, angst.

Protector.

Summary: You’re in the line up, Negan takes a liking to you and Daryl tries to protect you. Warnings: Swearing, angst, violence.

Confusion.

Summary: Daryl likes you but finds you kissing a woman and gets jealous, leading to feelings being revealed. Warnings: Swearing, smut.

Date with Mr Dixon.

Summary: Daryl asks you to have dinner with him. Warnings: Swearing, fluff.

Date with Mr Dixon. Part 2.

Your little pet.

Summary: Negan lets you pick someone to help satisfy you sexually. Warnings: Smut, swearing.

Reunited part 1.

Summary: You’re Ricks eldest daughter and haven’t seen him since before the turn, you’re finally reunited with him in Alexandria when you’re picked up by Aaron. You start to develop feelings for Daryl as you get to know each other. Warnings: Swearing, fluff, angst, drama, smut eventually.

Reunited part 2.

Dirty Dixons.

Summary: You have a threesome with Daryl and Merle. Warnings: Swearing, smut.

Lost.

Summary : You get separated from Glenn during a run and he loses you. When Daryl finds out, he isn’t happy. He goes to find you and he admits his feelings. Warnings: Swearing, angst, smut, fluff.

Anger management.

Summary: You and Daryl have an argument and up scares you. Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff.

Princess.

Summary: You and Daryl hate each other but get forced to go on a run together. Warnings: Swearing, angst, smut.

Princess part 2.

Summary: You and Daryl have fun in the watch tower after the run earlier that day. Warnings: Swearing, smut, daddy kink.

Angel baby.

Summary: You’re pregnant with Daryls baby but suffer a miscarriage. Warnings: Swearing, angst, miscarriage.

Sophia part 1.

Summary: You find Sophia when she’s missing and help her back to the group. Warnings: Swearing, angst.

Sophia. Part 2.

Kings and Queens.

Summary: You get injured on a run but Daryl saved you and admits his feelings. Warnings: Swearing, violence, fluff.

Fatherhood.

Summary: You and Daryl were together pre apocalypse, but he left you when you thought you might be pregnant. Now in Alexandria you and your daughter come face to face with the man who abandoned you. Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff.

Forgiveness.

Summary: Daryl left you for Merle, he comes back when he realises he made a mistake and tries to fix it. Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff.

Bipolar beauty.

Summary: You’re Jesus’s sister and suffer with bipolar. You move to Alexandria so Denise can help you but you find what you need from someone unexpected. Warnings: Swearing, fluff, smut, mentions of bipolar, self harm and mental health.

Heatwave.

Summary: You catch Daryl masturbating and decide to help. Warnings: Swearing, smut.

Daryl x Lucy.

Request: Can you do one where a girl name Lucy and Daryl are married and they’re in Alexandria but they have an argument. So Deanna is having her welcome party but then Lucy is worried about Daryl so she goes to go look for him and when they meet in the street, they admit that they were sorry to each other and they have make up, passionate, rough sex? Warnings: Swearing, angst, smut.

Mine.

Summary: Daryl gets jealous and makes his feelings known . Warnings: Swearing, smut.

Asshole.

Summary: A guy at the prison is bothering you and Daryl finds out and gets mad. Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff.

Shy.

Summary: You and Daryl like each other but you’re too shy and end up avoiding him. He gets the wrong idea and confronts you. Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff.

Hero.

Summary: Daryl and Rick save you from your own group. Warning: Swearing, fluff, angst.

Let’s talk about sex.

Summary: You and Daryl are in a relationship and are both virgin’s. Pre apocalypse. Warnings: Swearing, smut, fluff.

Jane doe. Part 1

Summary: You lose your memory and Daryl finds you in the woods. Warnings: Swearing, angst, smut, fluff.

Home.

Summary: You and Daryl are friends and you get separated at the fall of the prison. You meet back in Alexandria and confess your feelings.

Don’t give up.

Summary: Daryl stops you from killing yourself and admits his feelings. Warnings: Mentions suicide, sadness, fluff and smut.

Request: Anon.

Can I get an imagine where ur at Alexandria and in ur own house with daryl and u get bad nightmares one night and u wake him up thanks Hun xx

Request: @caylynn1122

Hey could you do an imagine where the reader is daryls daughter and carl finds her outside the walls while he’s on a run. He ask her what’s her name and she says (y/n) Dixon and carl brought her to the Hiltop so she can see daryl.

Request: Anon.

Can I get a daryl imagine where youre arguing and say you find out about his backscars(I dunno his shirt rips or sum)and he suddenly becomes this sad wounded puppy and there’s a lot of crying and hugging and feelings are admitted? Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, fighting, swearing

Goodbye (Daryl request)

Can I request an imagine where Daryl dies at the end? And the whole imagine is basically fluff and angst

Nobody (Daryl request)

Can you do one where you are talking about the past and you talk about your successful career and he gets embarrassed because he was a no one? All fluffy and sentimental

Daryl request;

Could I get a really sweet imagine with Daryl? Like the reader and him are friends, and he sees that she’s having a very bad day. Like she’s stressed and depressed and so done with everything. Maybe it ends with them cuddling and maybe a relationship. It’s up to you really! : )

Sugar. Honey. Ice. and Tea (Daryl Drabble.)

Dark Ages

Summary;Can you do a Daryl x reader where the reader gets a small cold and daryl becomes extremely over protective which annoys the reader and ends in fluff??

Seahorse

Summary; 47 - “Hold my hand until it’s over?” The reader is in labor with hers and Murphy’s or Daryl’s first child and is really scared. They asked #47 and he does. The have a healthy baby G/B.

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

Summary; Can you do a Daryl x Reader Imagine where the reader has been with Rick for awhile and catches him cheating on her with Jessie and falls out of love w her. And then the reader confides in Daryl about it who makes her feel better, Daryl x Reader smut if possible… Love your stories! <3

Eat like a damn horse

Summary;#12 with Daryl? Thank you! I don’t mean to spam you all the time, sorry. 💖🧡💖🧡💖🧡💖🧡💖“You’re a genius with facts, but you’re really stupid with people.”

That’s What You Get

Summary; Can I request an imagine where Daryl is secretly in love with you and only Rick and Carol know but he’s been avoiding you cuz he thinks you like Glenn and he blows up one day cuz Rick and Carol is pushing him to tell you and you overhear everything

Cuffs

Summary; The reader and Daryl were together before the apocalypse, and the reader turns up at the Atlanta group after Merle and Daryl had joined, Daryl and the reader get a cute reunion but it’s ruined because Merle has always hated the reader for no reason

Eye Spy

Summary; The reader and daryl have a thing going on and you have to share a tent at the farm and one night daryl can’t sleep at all and he sees it really cold one and he keeps u warm it’s all cute and fluffy thank you xx

Unstuck

Summary; Could you do a Daryl x female reader fic. Kinda like Beth and Daryl in season 4 but now it’s with reader. Somehow Daryl and reader get separated from the rest and he’s being a dick because he has feelings for reader. With some fluffy smut at the end?

Multi chap Daryl fics;

Let The Flames Begin

Charlene gets stuck with the Dixons at the end of the world. She has to deal with the new world whilst dealing with Merle being his usual self, and Daryl having his intense need to protect her. Read author note.

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)

(Chapter 4)

(Chapter 5)

(Chapter 6)

(Chapter 7)

(Chapter 8)

(Chapter 9)

(Chapter 10)

(Chapter 11)

(Chapter 12)

(Chapter 13)

(Chapter 14)

(Chapter 15)

(Chapter 16)

(Chapter 17)

(Chapter 18)

(Chapter 19)

(Chapter 20)

(Chapter 21)

(Chapter 22)

(Chapter 23)

(Chapter 24)

(Chapter 25)

(Chapter 26)

(Chapter 27)

(Chapter 28)

(Chapter 29)

(Chapter 30)

(Chapter 31)

(Chapter 32)

(Chapter 33)

(Chapter 34)

Cat Scratch Fever (Companion piece to Let The Flames Begin)

Into My Web (temporary hiatus)

Arabella has been part of the family since the farm. Despite the time passed and the fact they were now settled in the prison, a certain gruff hunter still hates her. Some say there's a fine line between love and hate, and they might just be right. Daryl/OC Read author note.

Chap 1

Chap 2

Chap 3

Chap 4

Chap 5

Chap 6

Lunacy Fringe

Zoey gets saved by Rick and Daryl from the hands of her captors. She needs to learn to deal with her trauma, all while finding herself depending on one of the men that saved her a little too much. Daryl/OC. Read author note.

Chap 1

Chap 2

Chap 3

Chap 4

Chap 5

Chap 6

Chap 7

Chap 8

Chap 9

Chap 10

Chap 11

Chap 12

Chap 13

Murphy MacManus imagines;

Whiskey and Church. Part 1.

Whiskey and church. Part 2.

“10. One finds the others blog. Hilarity ensues.” (Drabble.)

Rocco. (Not Murphyxreader. Short drabble told from Murphy’s POV.)

Request; Fic of Smutty Murph in Cinema maybe? ;-)

BDS Murphy X reader- she's really innocent and sweet and he really likes her (they're dating) but Connor doesn't approve saying she's negatively affecting his efficiency and Murphy says he'll do anything for Connor to at least meet her. After they meet Connor changes his views and approves of their relationship

Murphy request;

Hello! Just found this blog and really like it. Totally enjoying Whiskey and Church. Really like how you write the Irish accent/Gaelic. May I request a Murphy/reader were the OC has a thing for his accent and loves to hear him talk/whisper in her ear? Please and thank you. P.s. hope you feel'n better

Connor Imagines;

3. They get stuck in an elevator. With Connor, Smutty please.

Protector. (Not ConnorxReader. Short drabble told from Connors POV.)

7. One’s forced to show them around the school on the first day.

A lesson.

Conphy;

Sickness and soup.

Request: Connor taking care of Murphy when he’s sick. Warnings: Fluff, conphy cuteness.

Murphy/Reader/Connor;

3. Stuck in an elevator with Connor and Murphy.

Birthday girl ; For @risingphoenix761 because it’s her birthday!!!Happy day of birth, thank you for being born you amazing human. :)Continue on for some MacManus goodness.

Multi Chapter Fics;

Home

Summary; Murphy/OC/Connor, told in Murphy’s POV.

Home Chapter 1.

Home Chapter 2.

Home Chapter 3

-----------------------------------------

Anam Cara (Complete)

Summary; Summary; Luna has some unique gifts that connect her to The Saints. They end up helping her after she is attacked and they realise their souls are connected. Murphy/OC/Connor.

Anam Cara Chapter 1

Anam Cara Chapter 2

Anam Cara Chapter 3

Anam Cara Chapter 4

Anam Cara Chapter 5

Anam Cara Chapter 6

Anam Cara Chapter 7

Anam Cara Chapter 8

Anam Cara Chapter 9

Anam Cara Chapter 10

Anam Cara Chapter 11

Anam Cara Chapter 12

Anam Cara Chapter 13

Anam Cara Chapter 14

Anam Cara Chapter 15

Anam Cara Chapter 16

Anam Cara Chapter 17

----------------------------------------------------

Choíche Is go deo

Summary; Summary; Follow Niamh Flannagan as she grows up with the twins in Ireland and watches them turn from boys into men. How will they both deal with having feelings for her? Will jealousy get in the way? Murphy/OC/Connor.

Choíche Is go deo. (Chapter 1)

Choíche Is go deo (Chapter 2)

Choíche Is go deo. (Chapter 3)

-------------------------------------------------

Crazy in Love

Summary; This story is Murphy/OC/Connor but will center on Murphy at first. The whole story centers on suicide, self-harm, mental illness so if that’s a trigger for you please read with caution. This story is darker than the others I have written, I’m testing the waters by posting the prologue here to see if people like it before I post it on Archive and Fanfic, any feedback is appreciated. You don’t meet my OC in the prologue, she is introduced in the first chapter, but I felt the prologue was important for Murphy’s situation.

Crazy in love (Prologue)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Such a Softer Sin (Complete)

Summary; Her grandfather's illness brings her back to Boston, and Lila gets more than she bargains for when she meets two handsome Irish twins. MurphyxOCxConnor. Pre BDS.

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter one)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter two)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter three)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter four)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter five)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter six)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter seven)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter eight)

Such a softer Sin (Chapter nine)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter ten)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter eleven)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twelve)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirteen)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter fourteen)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter fifteen)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter sixteen)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter seventeen)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter eighteen)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter nineteen)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty one)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty two)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty three)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty four)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty five)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty six)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty seven)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty eight)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter twenty nine)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirty)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirty one)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirty two)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirty three)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirty four)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirty five)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirty six)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirty seven)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirty eight)

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter thirty nine)

---------------------------------------------------------

Blood in the Water (sequel to Such a Softer Sin) [COMPLETE]

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)

(Chapter 4)

(Chapter 5)

(Chapter 6)

(Chapter 7)

(Chapter 8)

(Chapter 9)

(Chapter 10)

(Chapter 11)

(Chapter 12)

(Chapter 13)

(Chapter 14)

(Chapter 15)

(Chapter 16)

(Chapter 17)

(Chapter 18)

(Chapter 19)

(Chapter 20)

(Chapter 21)

-----------------------------------------------------------

Poetic Tragedy (COMPLETE)

Summary; Madeleine Ryan hasn't had a good life. Now a homeless recovering addict, the MacManus boys take it upon themselves to try and help her. Murphy/OC/Connor. Read author note.

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)

(Chapter 4)

(Chapter 5)

(Chapter 6)

(Chapter 7)

(Chapter 8)

(Chapter 9)

(Chapter 10)

------------------------------

All or Nothing (COMPLETE)

Summary; Savannah gets talked into signing up to a dating app by her best friend, it leads her into the lives of the MacManus brothers. Starts off Murphy/OC. Eventual Murphy/OC/Connor. Read author note.

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)

(Chapter 4)

(Chapter 5)

(Chapter 6)

(Chapter 7)

(Chapter 8)

(Chapter 9)

(Chapter 10)

(Chapter 11)

(Chapter 12)

----------------------------

Chemicals (COMPLETE)

Summary; Katie gets stalked on the way home from work and it leads her into the arms of an Irish man with smoldering looks. Murphy/OC.

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)

-----------------

Preferences;

Having a kid with Murphy and Connor would include;

Being in a poly relationship with Connor and Murphy would include;

Being in a relationship with Mac and him finding you using toys when he's not around would include;

Having a teenage daughter with Murphy would include;

Being in a relationship with Daryl would include;

My huge ass fic recommendation list

#masterlist #mobile masterlist #daryl dixon #daryl x reader #daryl dixon fanfic #boondock saints #boondock saints imagine #boondock saints fanfic #boondock saints drabble #murphy macmanus fanfic #murphy macmanus #murphy macmanus imagine #murphy macmanus x reader #connor macmanus #connor macmanus imagine #connor macmanus fanfic #conphy #connor x reader

476 notes · View notes

kiss-my-freckle · 6 years ago

Text

Katarina Rostova wasn’t just a mother. She was a wife, a mistress, a daughter, a friend, a KGB agent, and if still alive - is a grandmother. She's been in the show since the pilot, threaded in more character stories than people realize.

An episode-by-episode list of Katarina & Masha Rostova.

Rostova: Season One

Pilot -

Gender neutrality was shown from the very beginning. Not just in dialogue, but in the t-shirt Tom was wearing as well as their adoption storyline "It's a girl."

Tom: For the field trip Air and Space or the D.C. Zoo? Liz: The zoo’s gender neutral.

We were introduced to Katarina Rostova through Red's dialogue.

Red: Abandoned by a father who was a career criminal, a mother who died of weakness and shame.

And Masha Rostova through Beth Ryker.

Liz: Your name’s Beth, right? Yeah? My name’s Beth too. I’m Elizabeth. My friends call me Liz, though. You can call me Liz if you want.

Both ballerinas.

Liz: When I was little, I loved ballet. Whenever I performed, I felt a presence.

Both children having their lives disrupted because they're in danger.

Red: Within the hour, Ranko Zamani will abduct the daughter of U.S. General Daniel Ryker.

Red: As I feared would happen, elements from Katarina’s past are circling Elizabeth like a pack of wolves in the night. I put Tom Keen in her life to keep an eye on her, and he married her. Kate: This isn’t about Tom Keen. It’s about your need for control. Red: Indeed. I need to control the danger to Elizabeth. I’ve built a vast criminal network predicated on that very principal. It’s time to live up to my mission statement.

With the presumed dead actually being alive.

Red: Then a dead man just stepped off United 283 from Munich to Dulles. Ressler: Listen up, people. The lab just pulled a latent print from the airline arm rest. Nine points of comparison. Zamani’s alive.

Liz and Beth Ryker, Zamani's daughter and son.

Zamani: This is about the children. Raymond, today on this day - I am giving their plague back to them.

The Freelancer -

This episode brought us Floriana Campo, mothers and their children.

Floriana: Do you have children, agent Keen? Liz: Uh, Elizabeth. And If all goes well - Floriana: There is no work more meaningful than being a mother. I didn’t have kids of my own. This is my one regret. But these girls that I’m trying to protect, they are my family.

Red: I think the assassin may have slipped her a lethal cocktail of the same barbiturates she uses to drug her children. She’s not the woman you think she is.

Wujing -

The Wujing - Katarina parallel, both spymasters regarded as a myth.

Liz: Do you expect me to believe that - a secret meeting with the mysterious Wujing? He's a myth.

Masik: I don’t think there are any photographs of Katarina Rostova. She’s a myth.

The Stewmaker -

Again, with the children.

Kornish: What about you? Are you a mother? Liz: No. Kornish: That’s good.

Soundtrack:

♪ See I left my mothers heart See I left my fathers home And I fell into a well of hope ♪

The Courier -

Liz: What is this place? Red: Something of a hideaway. It used to be home to one of the finest American writers who ever lived - Fredrick Hemstead. Liz: Never heard of him. Red: No, you haven’t. Nobody has. Dear Fredrick was waiting tables when we first met. Strange little man, built like a fireplug. He was living here with his mother until she died.

Gina Zanetakos -

This episode brought in the parallel between Tom and Katarina, which includes the murder case of an FSB agent named Victor Fokin.

Tom: And there’s - there’s passports with my face on it. And, uh - these names. Who the hell is Anton Pierre Louis?

Red: I knew her as Katarina Rostova. One of her many names.

Frederick Barnes -

This brings in the story of Mrs. Forrester's affair, like Katarina's affair with the real Red. Katarina allowing Constantin to believe Masha was his, like Mrs. Forrester leading her husband to believe Ethan was his. The real Red knowing he was Masha’s father, just as Frederick Barnes knew he was Ethan's.

Mrs. Forrester: Frederick is Ethan’s father. Liz: Does your husband know this? Mrs. Forrester: It just happened. I thought it was best for the family to keep the secret. Liz: Does Frederick know he’s Ethan’s real father? Mrs. Forrester: Yeah.

Liz redecorating, bringing in the grandmother.

Tom: I like this one. Liz: Grandma’s Pumpkins? Tom: Grandma’s what?

The Takoma house scene brought in Symphony No. 3 by Henryk Górecki. The dominant themes of the symphony are motherhood and separation through war.

General Ludd -

The end of this episode gave us their swingset scene, which is current day Katarina and Masha - the "now" of their photograph in Red's flat.

The Good Samaritan Killer -

The Good Samaritan was a victim of his mother’s abuse.

Samaritan: I was a victim. My mother. She called it tough love. It was abuse.

In the opening of the episode, he killed Michael's mother for abusing him.

Meera: Michael’s mother was abusing him for years, and now she ends up dead.

Add in the DV victim, considering Red was shot and killed the night of the fire while assaulting Katarina.

The Alchemist -

Eric Trettel helped people disappear by faking their deaths. Bring in the wife and daughter. Trettel, a “bad man” like Raymond Reddington, willing to kidnap his wife and child.

Mrs. Trettel: You shouldn’t be here. Eric is a very dangerous man. In his head, he thinks we’re still together, a family.

Anslo Garrick: Conclusion -

This episode gave us Mr. Kaplan's assumed gender.

Mr. Kaplan: What color is the sky? Liz: Red. You? You’re Mr. Kaplan?

The Cyprus Agency -

This episode brought us the adoption business to play in part with Liz being adopted by Sam, and the kidnapping of children tying in Masha's kidnapping.

Red: Lizzy, I’m giving you the chance to take down a criminal organization that is abducting babies from their mothers’ arms.

The victim they introduced in the opening scene was seeking out her child. Doesn't matter how she was conceived, that child was still hers.

Woman: My baby. Please. They have him. They - Please. My baby. They have - have him Please. Please. They - they have my baby. They took my baby. They took my baby. They - They took my baby. They have my baby.

Coincidentally, both children were kidnapped by the father.

Liz: Your legacy. You’re the father. The children brokered by the Cyprus Agency are yours.

Kate: So what he - he - he stole Masha to hurt you? Katarina: No, that’s not it. He thinks she’s his.

Five kidnapped women, all biological mothers having their children (27 total) given up for adoption without their consent.

Madeline Pratt -

This episode introduced us to Cooper's wife and children.

Red: I was just looking at the pictures of Charlene and the kids. How old are they now? The kids, not Charlene.

And Red's Bloody Christmas Eve story. No mention of a wife, just a female child.

Red: I can - I can still smell the nape of her neck, feel her little fingers on my cheek, her whisper in my ear.

The Judge -

This episode gave us Red's dialogue to Ruth, assumed to be a man.

Red: Think of him as a prisoner’s court of last resort.

Red: Of course. A woman.

As well as the dialogue from her victims.

Liz: Aram, the paper said Rifkin’s last words at his execution were “Good night, mother.” He said it to his spiritual adviser, Ruth Kipling. I just heard Hastings say it.

Mako Tanida -

Parallel of Ressler losing Audrey just as Katarina lost Raymond.

Audrey was pregnant, so she would've been a mother.

Scene cuts at the end flip between the ballet, Ressler, and Liz in the shower with Tom. Back to that dialogue from Liz in S5.

Liz: When I was little, I loved ballet. Whenever I performed, I felt a presence.

Red's scene with Christine.

Red: I’ll see you on the 22nd. And please send my thanks to your mother.

Ivan -

This episode brought us Harrison Lee's grandmother, Ms. Lee.

Ms. Lee: A computer hacker? I can’t even set my thermostat without the help of my grandson. Ressler: Your grandson?

As well as the music box scene, which parallels Liz's scene in Gaia's episode.

Liz: You knew I’d find out the truth. And you wanted me - Red: To know that everything is going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.

Liz: I mean, that’s my one job - to protect my child. Make her feel safe at any cost. To hold her. To tell her everything’s gonna be okay. But now - because of me, because of what I’ve done, I can’t even do that.

Milton Bobbit -

This episode had Red "threatening" Craig Keen's mother at the art museum.

Craig: I don’t know what you think you’re gonna gain from all this, but I’m not gonna talk. I will die before I give you anything. If you so much as touch my mother -

The Pavlovich Brothers -

This episode brought us back to the Tom - Katarina parallel. Katarina marrying Constantin as a cover, Tom marrying Liz as a cover. Keen2′s scenes in this episode mirror Red and Kirk's torture scenes in 4x8.

Liz: Stop talking about your job! You, this. Everything was a lie! My life was a lie!

Red: You saw what Katarina wanted you to see. She lied to you about everything.

The Kingmaker -

This episode brought us the death of a wife and mother.

Liz: It must be difficult to see her so traumatized. Chandler: She’s heartbroken. Her mother was everything to her. She was everything to us both.

Berlin's episodes -

The death of Meera Malik, mother of two kids, a daughter and a son.

Red confirming for Liz that her father is dead.

Red: I’m telling you, with no uncertainty, your father is dead. He died in that fire.

Backstory characters in this season:

Sam Milhoan knew Katarina Rostova, but was not confirmed to know the real Reddington. Mr. Kaplan knew Katarina Rostova, but did not know the real Reddington. Alan Fitch, Harold Cooper, and Admiral Richard Abraham all knew the real Reddington - Katarina Rostova's lover and target. The big bad of this season was Berlin. He believed his daughter was killed by the real Reddington - our Red's assumed identity. Again ... Katarina's lover and target.

#Rederina #Season One

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iliketoeatmyself · 6 years ago

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ED BOOKS

I stole this from mpa (because I wanted to save it) but I’m going to highlight those I’VE READ... also I might add some others as time goes...

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson (it was a good read!)

Solitaire by Aimee Liu * (Considered first anorexia memoir. Thus, there are points when EDs aren't completely understood, but still totally worth the read. Available through KU.)

Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain by Portia de Rossi (it was really good and real tbh)* (One of my faves! A memoir that really captivated me)

Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia * (Really is what it says on the tin and so much more. This memoir captures the darkest parts of EDs and is done very logically, stabilizing itself with facts that are intermixed by the chaos of EDs).

Just Listen by Sarah Dessen (Romance)

Thin by Lauren Greenfield (Nonfiction elements. Like the TV documentary of the same name, but of course, the book has more details.)

The Best Little Girl in the World by Steven Levenkron (NOT like the movie. Based on research of EDs in figure skating and gymnastics.)

Perfect by Natasha Friend

Purge: Rehab Diaries by Nicole J. Johns

Skinny by Ibi Kasliky

Loud Girl in the House of Myself: A Memoir of a Strange Girl by Stacy Pershall

Gaining: The Truth about Life After EDs by Aimee Liu (same author as Solitaire)

Identical by Ellen Hopkins * (Written in same manner as her other books, which is basically more like a poem than traditional novel format. LOVE this book and recommend the authors other, non ED books)

Letting Ana Go by Anonymous

Massive by Julia Bell

Keeping the Moon by Sarah Dessen (Romance)

Hungry: A Young Model's Story of Appetite Ambition and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves

She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb

Thin by Grace Bowman (memoir)

The Disappearing Girl by Heather Topham Wood (Romance, KU)

After the Strawberry by Adrienne Maria Vrettos

Purge by Sarah Darer Littman

Beautiful Me by Natasha Jennings

Hunger Point by Jillian Medoff (it was okay, the sister of mc has an ed)

Pointe by Brandy Colbert (Very dramatic. Deals with sexual abuse and also kidnapping in addition to an ED. Still not sure how I feel about this book, but a read that is very interesting, especially for those who like reading all things ballet. Also, this is nice because a black girl is not only a ballet dancer, but also has an ED, which is not portrayed enough!)

Looks by Madeleine George

Kessa by Steven Levenkron (I'd say this is probably for younger readers, but hey, you're never too old to read any book in my mind!)

My Sister's Bones by Cathi Hanauer * (Really liked this book and it isn't necessarily because of the ED part of it. I just like the whole feel and author's style)

Parperweight by Meg Haston

You Remind Me of You: A Poetry Memoir by Eireann Corrigan

Chalked Up: Inside Elite Gymnastics' Merciless Coaching, Overzealous Parents, Eating Disorders and Elusive Olympic Dreams by Jennifer Sey (Wow, that's a mouth full!)

Believarexic by J.J. Johnson

Feeling For Bones by Bethany Pierce

More Than You Can Chew by Marnelle Tokio

A Dance of Sisters by Tracey Porter

Gravity Journal by Gail Sobat

Elena Vanishing by Elena Dunkle (A memoir written with her mother)

Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver (Haven't read this in a long time, but I remember liking it)

A Trick of the Light by Lois Metzger * (One of my favourites! About a male with an ED.)

Starved by Michael Somers (Another good male ED novel)

Reckoning Daze by Michael Beaulieu (Currently free kindle edition is available)

Thin (Sharing Spaces Book 3) by Alicia Michaels (This is part of a romance series and is the third book. This one focuses on the ED character, but there are hints to the ED in other books. You don't necessarily need to read the other books in the series and can figure things out without reading them first. I actually read this book before the others)

Cake Dreams: A Memoir of Survival by Hoyt Phillips * (Another male ED book. Great multi-faceted portrayal of EDs and general metal illness. Available on KU)

Not My Father's Son: A Memoir by Alan Cumming * (It's been a while since I've read it, but I recall there being an ED. The book does not focus on the ED, but it is thrown in there, adding to an already fascinating, interesting read.)

Nothing by Robin Friedman (Another male ED book)

Lighter and Weightless (books 1 and 2 of Begin Again Duet series) by Gia Riley (Romance and available on KU)

...And All Shall Fade to Black by Layla Dorine (Gay Romance, male with ED, available on KU).

Still Water: A Boys of Bellamy Novel by Ruthie Luhnow (Gay romance, male with ED, available on KU)

Four Weeks, Five people by Jennifer Yu * (A male wannabe rock star with an ED. He is 1/5th of the main characters who all have other mental disorders and have been sent away to camp to help with their various mental illnesses).

Phat (Escape From Reality series) by Taylor Henderson (Part of a series. KU)

Life-size (no, not like the Lindsey Lohan movie) by Jenefer Shute (Available through Kindle unlimited)

Love Struck (Star Struck Series) by Amber Garza (Romance series. KU).

Fake Perfect Me by Cari Kamm (KU)

Out of Breath (Exposed Series) by Hazel Kelly (KU).

The Kaitlyn Chronicles series by Elaine Babich (Series, for younger readers. KU).

Please Don't Go by Elizabeth Benning (A bulimic sent to a residence to recover and teams up with anorexic former enemy in hopes of escaping)

Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen * (very great!! I loved this one, it’s not only about the ed, but human nature and emotions) (A classic novel that everyone interested in metal health should read).

Do or Die (Fight or Flight Series #4) by Jamie Canosa (Romance series. KU).

Hungry: One Woman's Battle and Victory over Anorexia and Bulima by Jessica Skinner (The title pretty much says all you need to know. KU).

My Perfect Little Secret by Rebecca Coppage (KU).

Anorexic: The True Story of An Anorexia Survivor Who Found Love by Anna Paterson (This is romantic, but I wouldn't call it romance. KU).

Balance of Control by Stephanie Nance

Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder that Fed it by Rachael Rose Steil

My Not-So Secret by B.P. Morrison (KU).

26 Beats per Minute by Dez Wilder (Male with ED. Memoir. KU).

Summer Fades by Amanda Bews (KU).

It's Never Enough (Book 1 in Never Series) by Susan Soares (Series. KU).

Restricted: A Novel of Half-truths by Jennifer Kinsel * (KU).

Chrysalis by L.A. Field, Gary Thaller * (KU).

A Slow Fade by Brooke Melius (KU).

All We Ever Wanted: Unmasking the Silent Battle by Alexandra Wnuk (KU).

Life Hurts: A Doctor's Personal Journey Through Anorexia by Dr. Eliabeth Mcnaught *

A Fork in the Road by Rebekah Wilson (KU).

Skin Deep (Stolen Breaths series) by Pamela Sparkman (Romance Series. KU).

Feeding the Heart (Heart Series) by Marion Myles (Romance Series. KU).

Anorexic Annie by Sarah Burleton * (KU).

The Downside of Being Charlie by Jenny Torres Sanchez * (Male with ED, the ED is not a huge part of the book, but also deals with family dysfunction, which I always find interesting).

The Art of Starving by Sam J. Miller * (This is very interesting. Male with ED. Deals with super powers! Though, it could just be the ED causing the protagonist to think he has powers, but I'll let you be the judge!)

Skinny Boy: A Young Man's Battle and Triumph Over Anorexia by Gary A. Grahl

It Was Me All Along: A Memoir by Andie Mitchell * (about binge eater who lost weight)

Safety in Numbers by Brittany Burgunder *

Skinny: She was starving to fit in... (False reflections book 1) by Laura L. Smith (Currently free kindle edition is available).

When You Fall by Alex Karola * (through Wattpad. Not finished yet, but is a great read!)

Inner Hunger: A Young Woman's Struggle Through Anorexia and Bulimia by Marianne Apostolides

Empty: A Story of Anorexia by Christie Pettit

Inside Out: Portrait of an Eating Disorder by Nadia Shivack

Not Otherwise Specified by Hannah Moskowitz *

All Good Things Die in LA by Anhoni Patel *

Jane in Bloom by Deborah A. Lytton (Another one for younger readers. Still, a nice read)

Gravity Journal by Gail Sidonie Sobat

What I Lost by Alexandra Ballard *

This Impossible Light by Lily Myers (told in verse)

Sad Perfect by Stephanie Elliot (the girl has avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder)

Beautiful Bodies by Kimberly Rae Miller * (this is a KU book and is a fairly new release as of 7/28/17. It is about disordered eating and chronic dieting, not a full blown ED; however, I still enjoyed it and recommend it).

Shattered Image: My Triumph over Body Dysmorphic Disorder by Brian Cuban * (KU, male memoir detailing ED struggle and primarily his struggle with BDD)

Sugar by Deirdre Riordan Hall (KU)

Empty Net (Scoring Chances Book 4) by Avon Gale * (gay romance about bulimic hockey player)

Heavyweight by MB Mulhall (Male protagonist)

Just Jack by Shaun Powell (KU, male protagonist)

Don't Call Me Kit Kat by K.J. Farnham (for younger audience definitely)

Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxanne Gay (BED)

Skin and Bones by Sherry Shahan (Male protagonist)

Skinny Me by Charlene Carr

Wrists by Jay Broderick (male protagonist)

Unicorns and Rainbow Poop by Sam Kadence (male, gay, romance)

Bare Roots by Molly S. Hillery (KU)

Grip by Adex Garza (KU, male. Deals with morbid obesity)

Rita Just Wants to be Thin by Mary W. Walters (KU)

Taint by Jude Nicholas (KU)

Fasting Girls: The History of Anorexia Nervosa by Joan Jacobs Brumberg

13 Ways of Looking at a Fat Girl by Mona Awad

Hunger Pains: The Modern Woman's tragic Quest for Thinness by Mary Pipher

The Stone Girl by Alyssa B. Sheinmel

Pretend We are Lovely by Noley Reid

Stick Figure by Lori Gottilieb

Diary of an Exercise Addict by Peach Friedman

The Anorexia Diaries by Linda Rio

Feed Me!: Writers Dish about Food, Eating, Weight, and Body Image by Harriet Brown

Insatiable: A Young Mother's Struggle with Anorexia by Erica Rivera

How I Got Skinny, Famous, and Fell Madly in Love by Ken Baker (about a girl who goes on a reality TV show to lose weight. Fun read)

Inside Out: Portrait of an Eating Disorder by Nadia Shivack

Perfect: Anorexia and Me by Emily Halban

Losing it by Sandy McKay

Fragile by Nikki Grahame

My Big Fat Disaster by Beth Fehlbaum

Thin Ice by Niki Settimo (romance)

Unfiltered by Lily Collins (not solely a book about ED, but the topic is mentioned throughout)

Good Luck with That by Kristan Higgins (coming out on August 7, 2018)

Staving in the Search of Me by Marissa LaRocca

Feast (True Love In and Out of the Kitchen) by Hannah Howard

The Solitude of Prime Numbers by Paolo Giordano (the mc is anorexic but it’s not focused on it only. This book is about two outcasts who connect to each other and its effect of it in the course of their lives)

The Vegetarian by Han Kang (it’s very good and wild. It also tackles on feminism and societal issues as well)

Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami (it’s a great book. The ed is not the main point but there is a character suffering from one)

#eating disorders #eating disorder #book #books #anorexia #bulimia #ednos #list

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tumblunni · 7 years ago

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okay im gonna just try and write down all my damn pokemon i can remember from every generation fuck fuck i know i could never get ALL OF THEM cos it was at least 100 each gen but i can hopefully remember my main teams??

~ Sun and Moon Team ~

Pulcinella the male Primarina (Egotistical smarmy jerk-with-a-heart-of-gold celebrity boy) Herald the female Mimikyu (nice grandma + amateur newspaper reporter, sends them back to the other ghosts at the thrifty megamart) Charlene the female Golisopod (never really thought of a personality for her? I didnt originally intend to use her but then she was really good and i love golisopod’s design?? so i just named her randomly after charon cos wimpod is kinda shaped like his hair, lol) (i think maybe one of those cowardly characters who’s brave when she needs to protect her friends? like eduardo from foster’s home for imaginary friends) Suspenders the female Lurantis (stoic samurai type, but also very sweet, naive and a little ditsy. easily gullible to pulcinella’s pranks cos she just takes everything seriously with samurai honor.) Ampere the female alolan Raichu (sweet mom friend of the group, makes everyone pancakes and mitigates all the conflicts. you’d think herald would outrank her in mumsiness but she’s more like the eccentric grandma who encourages her kids to misbehave, lol) Sherbet the male Muk (super chipper cuddly little toddler type fella who luv and support he friends) (OH GOD i caught a shiny muk in bw2 and i was gonna say they were cousins and i was so excited to have them finally meet.. aaaa... T_T) (THE COUSIN IS NAMED NOUGAT AND HE IS ALSO A SUPER CHIPPER CUDDLY BABY AND NOW HIS WHOLE FAMILY IS FUCKIN DEAD) (god that gives him a plotline to differentiate him from his alolan version but GEEZ i didnt want it to happen like that...)

and honorary member Neopolitan the Kadabra who was on the team early on but got replaced with Charlene cos when SuMo first came out there was a dumb glitch that prevented kadabra from learning one move in its learnset and it was just STUCK WITH NO ATTACKING MOVES FOR 20 LEVELS GEEZ but neopolitan was still a supportive friend yes possibly personality like that monk robot guy from overwhetch?

also honorary member: that leavanny that my friend Beezah traded me and i spent ages training it up to level 80 to rematch her and i NEVER GOT TO DO IT I think his name might have been cedric?? or some other c name??

~ X and Y Team ~

Didnt really think of personalities for these ones or have any big attatchment to them, except that the game came out on my birthday by some strange coincidence. funny how we’ve gone from that to losing games on my birthday! the xy birthday was like the only time my birthday hasnt been GIANT MISFORTUNE in the last seven years, and the only time i managed to meet up with any irl friends and have some sort of a party. so i guess i’ll remember that fondly about XY even though the story was possibly my least favourite in the series.

Namaqua the male Greninja Jayus the male Aromatisse (named for an OC of mine at the time, who’s also my steam handle!) Dwedd the female Gourgeist (who was actually my most powerful pokemon in sun and moon competitive?? god im gonna miss her now)

and I’m seriously struggling to remember if there were any others :P

~ ORAS Team ~

I played both versions of this so my team was kinda huger? Still not super memorable as a generation, tho. one of the ones im least depressed about but more depressed than xy. but still depressed about all of them. AAAAA

York the female Blaziken Roquefort the female Swampert (a duo! i played with both of them as my starters cos i only played a little bit of alpha sapph before switching to omega rube for the main playthru. i just love tabitha!) (oh and they were named for some of my ocs at the time.) Wesley the male Charizard (actually got him in XY but never used him there) Seraphim the female Salamence (REALLY sad about this one cos she was a gift from my friend Zoe whom i’ve now lost contact with, same one who gave me the birthday party when xy came out, same one who traded me like EIGHTY OTHER POKEMON ACROSS ALL MY GAMES and LITERALLY SAVED MY LIFE ONCE and WAS AN AMAZING PERSON) Nick the female Gyarados (also traded from zoe. it was named after her fish who died :< I LET HER DOWNNNNNNNN) Tanka the female Gardevoir (just a shoutout to the one i had back when i first played the original rse as a kid, but lost along the way. it was also my username and the name of like forty different ocs for every fandom i had as a kid? i just thought it was a cool word. its the name of a type of poem i heard in class once) Pascal the female Ludicolo (Only one who i gave any sort of personality to. I kinda liked her so much she was more like my starter? i felt like she was a super chill badass. repurpose all those old chuck norris memes for pascal!) Lockjaw the female Banette and Hex the male Mismagius (actually pokemon i made as ocs for a team galactic fanfic i never wrote. usually i make pokemon ocs based on mons i caught, but these ones i went out and caught them to match the story. spent so long chaining mons to find a story-fitting nature for lockjaw that i stumbled onto a shiny shuppet along the way?? i was like “fuck but that isnt what i asked for, but i’ll take it anyway” XD) (oh and i named the shiny shuppet Chuckie) (oh and lockhjaw and hex were meant to be the rest of charon’s pokemon team to give him enough for a decent boss battle)

~ BW Team ~

Anotehr generation i didnt really enjoy? honestly there was a large gap between sinnoh and sun and moon where none of the main plots grabbed me. i still enjoyed the gameplay and the increased graphics for all the cool areas and stuff, tho! im just a plot lover so SuMo bumped the series back up from “just consistantly good” to “the best game ever” But strangely enough I did get really attatched to these guys, even if i didnt really think up personalities and backstories for all of them

Shogunkora the male Samurott (Back when i was in highschool i drank so much caffeine it was like a running joke i was ‘that cola kid’ so i just named my starter after a dumb attempt at ‘cola in a japanese accent’. Ugh, past-me!) (But Shogunkora was actually a casuality long before this! I lost him during the time i was transferring pokemon using a friend’s BW cartridge. I actually had to sell my BW game cos i was preparing to run away from my abusive parents and live in a homeless shelter. Thankfully i did indeed survive that! i had to pick on only one game to keep and of course it was sinnoh. But then i ended up losing the cartridge when i moved house and then finding it earlier this year and then causing me to buy bw2 and put the sun cartridge down and.. well, you know the rest.) Boku the female Leavanny (named as an in-joke cos my roselia was Ore in sinnoh. also a casualty who got lost in that hectic transfer.. alas...) Alviss the male Roggenrola (I was very fond of that pun. He managed to survive, and i even got to pet him in sun and moon! I miss him... gahh.. he survived so much and it was all for nothing...) Flint the male Lampent (i only just finally was able to evolve him in sun and moon, thanks to beezah’s help! i miss him tooooo... fuckkkk...)

~ DPPT Team ~

THE GOLDEN ONES god that was back when i was so extra into pokemon, aaa it legit helped me survive thru abusive dad times i got so atattched to sinnoh and all of these lil guys... fuckkkk...

Ore the male Roserade (Personality was like a cheerful and goofily oblivious typical shonen action hero, but like.. eight. He had a sad backstory where he was befriended by a kind old blind human back when he was a wild pokemon, and then some sort of tragedy burned down the forest and killed both that human and all of his family. And also burned off his hands. I mean, he’s a plant so he can grow those flowers back, but it was still super traumatic. So he took up his trainer’s sword in his burnt off hand stumps and promised to avenge him, and thus gained a magical girl style transformation into a human, somehow...??) (the theme for this party was ‘gijinkas’ and i thought it would be cool if there was a different reason behind it for everyone. he was the more magical type.) (oh and he really liked sandwiches) (oh and he was comic relief a lot cos he was a pokemon who turned into a human instead of vice versa. like ariel in the little mermaid where she combs her hair with the fork. HOW DOES HUMAN WORK) Mangos the female shiny Luxray (traded to me by another best friend that i lost touch with long ago, Clash. I miss her too, it sucks that now all i have is one well-protected drawing of an oc she gave me in high school to remember her by..) (anyway, Mangos fit into this random plotline by being the opposite to Ore. she was a human who got turned into a half-pokemon through an evil genetic experiment. And she balanced him out by being an ultra stern and serious mom figure. She was actually a policeman as a human, so she kicked a lot of ass!) (I know that this whole serious personality doesnt really fit with a name like mangos but shiny luxray looks like mangos) Zene the male Infernape (another shonen hero type comic relief guy?? but he was a teenager and comparatively buff, i guess? i didnt realize these two were so samey despite being opposite elements lol. i guess just the difference is that zene did more comic relief and ore did more cuteness factor) (he was also the least developed one in terms of backstory for being in this half-pokemon heroes team. I just knew that he was some sort of martial artist trainee who wanted to be the best, and that was still his goal after he got superpowers, rather than actually saving the world and all. he’d always recklessly get into fights and have no sense of danger, just HEY THAT THING LOOKS DEADLY LEMME PROVE IM DEADLIER) (oh but i did think way too much about how the law would work in this situation?? like, he was depressed and ended up joining this travelling group cos he got banned from the martial arts tournement he was in. having pokemon superpowers would put him at an unfair advantage.) (oh, i think actually his powers were just genetic or something? like it was a mystical power his whole family line had, but he was an orphan so he didnt know until he hit puberty and started breathing fire. but comedically he thought it was because he ate a magical riceball instead. “it was supernaturally yummy!”) Gaspar the male Haunter (Actually came from that one memorable trollish trade in sinnoh where that lady offers you a haunter and it doesnt evolve into gengar, DAMN YOU. i was determined to love him forever to spite her!) (oh and he eventually did evolve into gengar in xy due to a friend trade and me forgetting to tell her not to evolve him. i’d gotten really attatched to him as a haunter so i was sad for a while before realizing it was dumb and that i might have made my friend think i was mad at her?? thankfully we worked it all out!) (Gaspar’s gijinkaness was literally just... i Died.) (He was a human from the 1920s or something who died horribly and came back as a ghost to avenge his own death. but then after he avenged it he continued to exist, and he floated around aimlessly for a long time before learning to appreciate his second chance and form a new life and a new family. He was like the goofy sitcom dad of the team!) (oh, and he liked candy. i still maintain the headcanon that all ghost pokemon like sweet things!)

~ RSE Team ~

These guys actually were also part of my sinnoh team, but they originated from RSE. I didnt really get attatched to my pokemon in rse or gsc cos i was still salty over having my yellow cartirdge stolen and losing my starter raichu that i loved. TOOK THIS LONG FOR IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN, EH? *cries forever*

Reaper the male Sneasel (My honorary starter and oldest pokefriend. I miss him the most.. fuck..) (He was like.. kinda sirius black from harry potter? but teenage? and like.. trying to be serious? like, a total goober prankster loveable uncle figure but he wants everyone to think he’s a brooding dark antihero, and gets flustered whenever his true cuteness slips through. He looked like squall from ff8 except with dark skin and sunglasses??) (He was also someone who was a pokemon with human powers, instead of a human with pokemon powers. But he adapted a lot better to human society, he was just like.. pride at being wild? He hated the idea of being captured by a trainer, or now the idea of losing his true self and becoming like those humans he hated. So all his moments of failing to pass as human were more cos he refused to lower himself and do [insert normal thing here], rather than cos he was oblivious like Ore. But he actually did end up getting a soft spot for his trainer and becoming like a dad figure to her, like how mangos was a mom to ore and zene, and gaspar was the grandpa/dad to everyone in general. I had quite a complex set of relationships worked out for everyone!) (oh, and yeah, they had a trainer! cos i mean i was playing the game, of course they did. but it was more like the one token powerless human on a team of magical girls and boys. she just pretended to be their trainer so they could travel around pretending to be normal pokemon when necessary. and they were all bffs and protected her cos she didnt have parents. she was kind of a self insert..) (oh, and reaper’s backstory was that he was one of the shadow pokemon captured by team cipher, and then when he got rescued and purified it somehow gave him superpowers too or something. he was blessed by celebi and was like the chosen hero of that legendary. But he didnt wanna, he just wanted to use his new human feet to go buy booze and stuff XD) (i actually did get him in collosseum and he was my fave and best and i kept him forever and now he’s fucking gone) (fuck) Nether the male Sableye (Basically my oc Malachi?? its been all these years and i just suddenly recently revived his plot concept as his own character in his own original story. I hope maybe now i could do that with all the others in some way, so i dont forget them..) (he was all the same back then, down to dying from being bricked up inside a basement. except he became a magical gijinka instead of a more normal ghost.) (oh and this version had him as an adult instead of a child, and his personality was... vague? he started off as a loki-ish trickster and then was a complete jerk and then was the comic relief and then was a gym leader and blablabla. At one point he was even Reaper’s boyfriend, which is ridiculous now this character is a kid instead! (tho he’s still remained bisexual in honor of that) Funnily enough he was also Reaper’s sworn enemy gary oak rival at some point too!) (Basically he was the least developed personality-wise, so i dont feel bad that i changed him quite a bit as malachi. it doesnt feel like a change and more like i finally figured out what i originally wanted to do with him.)

~ RBY virtual console team ~

aaaargh only just got them and already lost them whyyyy

Chuppy the male Raichu (reincarnation of the first pokemon i ever got on my original Yellow cartridige, which got stolen because kids are ASSHOLES) (i cried for days and i feel like doing it again right now.. how little life changes...) Starlet the female Clefable Gumdrop the Nidoqueen

i didnt even have time to love you enouuuuughhh

i didnt love any of them enough aaaa

god this made me sad

but at least now i wont forget any of those memories

probably??

i dunno how to tag this so i dont forget

#BUNNI DONT FORGET #bunni plays pokemon #bunni's important pokemon that bunni isnt gonna forget #THE EPITAPH TO LOST GAMES #aaaaaa i made myself sad: the motion picture #WHY ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY

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should-be-sleeping · 7 years ago

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You know what one of my biggest pet peeves in writing is? The bizarre redundancy and fetishization of having a lot of scars in works of fiction. I don’t know when or why this began happening, but I have noticed it increasingly over the years. Like you just know the author has maybe one scar on their entire body and it’s probably from falling off their bike as a kid.

It’s no longer just, “Charlene has olive skin, dimples, a mane of rebellious curly hair, and countless scars from a rough life/childhood/Black Friday/MCR concert,” mentioned casually as part of the character’s introductory description. Oh no. They’ll be mentioned repeatedly almost every time the character enters or returns to a scene. “Charlene arrived last minute to save the day, bringing along all her bitchin’ scars with her.” You’ll read more about that characters scars than their weapon, motivation, or personality by the book’s end. If on a woman descriptions of scars will be soft and related to something feminine, like lipstick or flower petals. Never dimpled, rough, or uneven. She undoubtedly sustained them from abuse or being bitten by some creepy guy whose probably the villain but gets a redemption arc in the next book. Very rarely will she have any scars from battle unless she got caught in it unwitting. If they’re on a man then they will be rugged and manly, described as mountains or ravines in his skin, bonus points if they get described as gullies and no one laughs because that word sounds ridiculous. They were probably given to him by a dragon or a sword fight (that he won). He might have even got a few of them from being the best Blacksmith in the realm (though if you ask me he can’t be that great if he keeps burning himself with molten metal) before he became the realm’s chosen defender. If there’s a nude scene at least an entire paragraph will be dedicated to these scars that you already know the character has due to how frequently they’ve already been mentioned but now that they are naked, they are sultry and intriguing! All eyes are drawn to them, despite having seen them before. No one can look away from all those scars. You just can’t! Every scar is Hypnotoad. If the scene is specifically sex related, they are sexy scars and the person the character is with will shower them with tender, steamy affections. They will dedicate time to pay passionate attention to each and every one, even if there are hundreds. This weird-ass foreplay is going to go on all afternoon. I hope Charlene’s got her DS and a snack because practically none of them are in erogenous zones. She’s going to be so bored. I’m a person with a lot of scars. If I was making-out with someone and their lips wandered off to make-out with my scar tissue, I would not find this sexy. I would find this fucking strange. Stop this. I beg of you. You should describe a character’s scars in the same situations you would describe their eye or hair color and unless the character seeing the scars has some legitimate fetish, the sight of a character’s scars should not immediately enchant anyone (unless a warlock has literally enchanted their scars or something). I recommend describing scars in the following scenarios:

A character with scars is being introduced to the reader.

A character acquires a new scar(s).

That’s it. There is no reason to describe scars more than this unless you’re getting paid by the word. It really pulls the reader away from the actual content of the chapter to sift through another three or four redundant sentences about something you’ve already thoroughly described to them. I mean, some will argue that this could also apply if you’re one of those writers who refers to a character as “the brunette” during long dialogue to change it up from writing “Charlene said...” four times in a row (pro-tip, just write that Charlene said it four times in a row) -- and you’re right, it does. Physical traits are always less important than what is taking place or being said in a book. Always. Of course scars mentioned in dialogue between characters get more leeway. Other characters may and should notice terrible scars that other characters have visible and comment, react, or ask about them. Scars should not however be the most memorable thing about the character that has them. If a character you’ve written is recalled by readers first-most as “Oh, that person with the scars,” then you have failed to give that character enough dimension. I’m not going to list bad examples because that’d just be rude. But here are some good examples of characters written with scars, even extreme scarring, that are recalled for things other than their scar tissue or the circumstances which gave them their scars.

Tyrion Lannister has some pretty notable scarring, he is not immediately recalled as, “The Lannister with the scars on his face.”

Darth Vader is basically one big walking scar. No one discussing Darth Vader starts off with, “Oh, right, burn-dad.”

Edward Scissorhands has scissors for hands and scars all over his body because he has SCISSORS FOR HANDS. I mean I get that having scissors for hands is pretty distracting, but most people overlook his scars because of everything else the character is doing, not just because he has scissors... for hands.

The Phantom of The Opera is less known for his scars (which are described quite disgustingly) and more know for, you know, terrorizing an opera house and having a creepy obsession with a soprano.

Your characters can have physical scars and not be their scars. Anyway, I had to get that off my chest. Remember: Always write the thing! Even if you think it’s bad or someone like me complains about one of the things you happen to have a habit of. There is exactly one way to improve your writing and that is by writing it despite anyone else. Put it out there for people to read and listen to constructive criticism. I’m a sensitivity reader/advisor for authors looking to portray characters that are autistic, deaf, have chronic illness, and/or that are lgbt and I guess this is my introductory rant on the lack of sensitivity regarding serious scars in recent fiction because my goodness, what a weird ass trend y’all.

#scars #writing #authors #writing characters with scars #pet peeves #long post

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sorrydearie · 7 years ago

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Re the writer's love for Tom: I'm half expecting s5 to show Tom as a completely redeemed, accepted character. I'd love to think otherwise, but like you said, the boys in the writer's room seem to be self-inserting with the "cool" "misunderstood" badboy with a six pack. Also I feel like most shows get more attention when there's a romantic/sexual component, so it's a 2 for 1 in their minds *sigh*

There are so many interesting relationship they could instead focus on: they could get someone else for Ressler, re-visit Harold and Charlene, or - and I know this is completely outrageous and far-fetched - focus on the two main characters: Red and Liz. Or they could advance Samar and Aram’s relationship, but instead they chose to add in a love-triangle with a character who is basically a female!Tom who is hot and flirty and every man’s fantasy I guess. Because why create more female characters with whom the female viewers can identify like season1Liz or non-unreasonably-bitchy Samar.

What I’m trying to say is that there is absolutely no reason to focus on Tom - a character who was so disliked and uninteresting that his spin-off was pretty much immediately cancelled - when they could instead talk about other characters whose characterization and story arcs have been suffering lately merely because Tom needs to be given an exceptionally unreasonable amount of character time (remember those blissfully good episode at the end of s4 where there was no Tom at all and suddenly all the reviews went up again? Yeah).

And that is not even mentioning the fact that Tom had absolutely no apparent character development? There was no redemption to his character - he hasn’t addressed his past transgressions, he hasn’t changed his behaviour, he hasn’t tried to become worthy of Liz (and Agnes) in any way. Instead, he chooses to go back to a life of crime and violence (and unlike Liz he does so on the ‘wrong’ side of the law).

I’m okay with trope character - the cool and misunderstood badboy? I get it. But not the way he is used here. There is a reason why certain character constellations exist within tropes, why the abusive man doesn’t get the girl at the end of the story. But alas I think that with this character it really shows that The Blacklist is written by men, and that women are largely under-represented in the writers room.

#I am so bitter about this anon I'm sorry #I just get really angry because it would be so easy to fix?#like; it's not metaphysics?#reviewers and journalists have been trying to tell them for years now #just get rid of Tom #and focus on Red and Liz #that's the way to success #Anon #ask

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duchessofostergotlands · 3 years ago

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I don't know why but some people want always drama about royals 🤷‍♀️ I grew up with the rumours that Stephanie was the one who drove the car and not Grace and she was responded for her mum's death. Never mention that Grace had a stroke while driving. For years Albert was considered gay and when they found out about his kids, we have the new scenario Charlene is a deeply unhappy woman. I never seen her been unhappy, I suppose she missed her family but things changed when the twins were born.

I truly think it's so so rude. Look, everyone likes the occasional bit of gossip. We're human and there are tons of studies looking at the positive role gossip plays in building communities. I'm not saying I'm any better than anyone else in that respect. I have my own opinions based on literally nothing. But keep it private. If you want to gossip about someone's personal life then talk about it in your bitchy WhatsApp, vent about it over a cup of tea with your friends, but don't throw it out into the world so recklessly. It's gone from slightly mean gossip about Charlene to people saying that she's mentally ill and that she's been abused by her husband, and that's not ok to state publicly with no evidence whatsoever. Because the two options here are that they're right and she's ill and miserable and they're just sitting there viewing her life as entertainment and talking shit about her hair constantly or they're not true and she's had to go through 10 years of people telling her on a daily basis that no matter what she says, does, or thinks they - total strangers- know she's sick and miserable and so that's the objective truth which is massively manipulative and problematic in so many different ways.

Royals are public figures and so there are some elements of their actions and choices which will be up for discussion which wouldn't be if you or I did them. But they are still entitled to elements of privacy - especially as Charlene is the consort for a tax haven with no poverty and major social issues to work on whose entire job is to keep up the image of Monaco as glamorous and wealthy. And if you don't want someone to look at a picture of you and declare on social media "she's not smiling and her boyfriend's ugly so she must be miserable and mentally ill" then don't do it to other people.

#ask #anon #princess charlene #monegasque princely family

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notesandcoffee · 8 years ago

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Opinions 4.14

Aram is great, Red continues to be great, TK is not so great.

I left the bar on the ground for Blacklist this week, halfway expecting to hand it a shovel. The other half expected it to pick up the bar and start beating me with it, in some weird form of revenge for my well-documented contempt of all things TK. I got neither. Instead, it picked up the bar, brushed it off, handed it back to me, and then patted me on the back.

This episode we follow Aram and Red as they try to get information out of people, complete with guns blazing, hostage situations in each, and the stiff bond between exes that's celebrated with each scenario. There's TK involved, but when contrasted with the other storylines in this episode, his is by far the weakest and hardest to sit through as we wait for answers to whether Aram will make it out alive or if Pruitt will ever give up her information. The "mystery" of who was lying about a murder that didn’t actually happen doesn't actually compare to an older guy shooting up an esports hackathon where someone could actually die. The intrigue is shaky, whereas the tension is far more immediate and pressing.

One thing I truly do not understand is why TK isn't telling Hargrave about... things. It's hard to follow. Here's the script.

Liz: You should show this to your mother. She probably knows something. Tom: No. Her pain about losing her son seems real, but… Reddington says I can’t trust her. That if I tell her I’m her son, I’ll never get the answers I’m looking for. Liz: Based on this, it seems like the only way you will is if you do. Tom: I just want to know, what was there to gain from me disappearing? And why was it so important that someone confess to my murder? And whoever wrote this, what could they possibly want?

Infant TK could not have been particularly special, as far as infants go, so the entire reason for this elaborate plan to cover up his disappearance must have something to do with his parents. Having TK not ask his dear old mother who she had been previously and why it was important for her to have a son (and create this odd sexual tension between the two) doesn't make sense. Furthermore, why would TK actively take Red's advice on matters not regarding Liz? Red only looks out for Liz; he doesn't take care of TK or is even fond of him, based on every interaction the two have on-screen. Why is TK suddenly taking Red's advice to the letter is a bigger mystery to me than the whole disappearance and fake murder.

Liz was in this episode, but managed to not have her own storyline. I could have dismissed it if it were to favor Aram's, but... her on-screen presence seemed like more of an excuse to chase the faux-mystery of TK's plotline.

Ressler's storyline continues to build. He's pursuing other projects off the task force now, where Reddington has less jurisdiction over, otherwise Ressler may not have the interest in it that he does. He's determined to implicate Laurel Hitchin in Reven Wright's murder, and is still struggling with being sorted into Team Red. It's hard to give a complete analysis on this, as it didn't pay off this episode. That's not necessarily a bad thing, as long as it pays off later. Ressler's storyline is something to keep watching, but not something to dissect. Not yet.

Cooper's daughter is sick, and Red notices that he's been hiding it from Red and the rest of the team. Red acknowledges that it's never been brought up before in a half-nod to the audience that it's a brand-new family member being introduced in the fourth season, but... it'll be interesting if this one goes anywhere. Cooper hasn't had an intriguing arc since the second season, unless viewers want to count Charlene, which was resolved anticlimatically and unrealistically.

Red is still working on where the leak is coming from, trying to find our Big Bad who is responsible for more than one fatality in his Army. The scene between Spader and The shock that the call is coming from inside the house probably should have been more clear to me in hindsight, as it was heavily hinted at at multiple points through this portion of TBL, but I still enjoyed the reveal. If the Big Bad isn't Mr. Kaplan themselves, our BB certainly is connected to them. Mr. Kaplan had a very close relationship with Red's business dealings and how they were handled, and she has more than enough motive to try to tear his Army apart from the inside. Mr. Kaplan's feelings to protect Liz are clearly stronger than their loyalty to Red, and their knowledge of Red's public and personal lives is unparalleled.

Elise is back in a costume that suits the badass she is. She's no longer pretending to like Aram for his tech skill, as it's those same superhuman abilities that are stopping her from doing her work this time around, and goes head-to-head with him in the hacking equivalent of a cage match. She loses the match, much to Aram's glee, and takes her bitterness out on Navabi. They continue to trade petty insults for most of their interactions, which probably was far more terrifying than entertaining in person. Elise ends up protecting Aram in this episode, not because she's trying to make him fall for her again in some contrived meaning of "love", but because she respects him as a colleague.

The K2 metaphor is continued with this awkward love triangle between "Elise", Aram, and Navabi. Elise has moved on from the job and on to this one as Janet, but Aram is the one still asking questions if anything -- the intimacy, in particular -- was real. "It wasn't personal," "Elise"/Janet responds. Even after this acknowledgement that it wasn't personal for her, that it was what she was hired to do, she still apologizes at the end of the episode, after seeing just how much her misleading has destroyed Aram.

Unlike the storyline with TK, "Elise" doesn't really play with Aram's emotions with trying to win him back with extravagant ideas and gifts. Instead, she's owning up to her actions before the memory of them can hurt Aram any further. She’s owning the past in an acknowledgement that she's responsible for her own actions and that those actions hurt Aram and how he's going to make new healthy relationships. Betraying such an close trust makes any relationship unstable and worthless, especially for the one who was betrayed; Janet understands this crucial concept, TK does not. After Aram comes to terms with Elise's affections and the fighting that came afterwards as part of her job, anything she does after her apology will be a true reflection of who Janet really is. If there is a relationship between these two at this point, it'll be up to Aram to decide the context, rather than Janet inserting herself where she doesn't belong.

If the TK storyline had been written this way from the beginning, casual and internet fandom would have a very different perception of all things TK, including the unofficial K2 fandom and the too-official Redemption mini-series. The abuse would have been acknowledged in the show and everyone could have all moved on a while ago from whether or not it occurred. But now that TK has apologized for actions that were seemingly "genuine", viewers don't know which actions are a reflection of the genuine nice guy he's meant to be written as. He chose to take on a mission that he felt was important to him and abandon his child with no supervision earlier this season. Was abandoning the baby to take on a mission he deemed important to himself "real" or something he apologized for by turning in the passports?

There's also a contrasting note of character development, which only Aram seems to get. He's always had a problem with the idea of killing people, particularly himself being responsible for someone losing their life. Distance doesn't seem to help, either, as he still hesitated to kill Gaia earlier this season after getting into the chopper Gaia was piloting. Given Aram's unwillingness to hold a gun, let alone shoot it, it's completely unlike him to go through the actions to set up a railgun and take out a car carrying more than one person. (Not to mention -- where did he learn how to snipe like that?!)

Aram's justifying it to himself the entire time, mumbling under his breath that "he escapes, more people die", but the idea of killing people still unsettles him. He never will be okay with the idea of killing someone else, because that's not what he's hired to do, and quite frankly, that's not who he is. He has to go through the steps to justify it to himself, and chances are really, really high that he's going to do some soul-searching after being responsible for killing someone. (And a really cool explosion.)

This is also a comment on Aram being called "naive". One of the reasons why I love this character so much is because he's not naive at all. He's idealistic and wants to believe in the best in others, which people can mistake for naivete. But he's also calculating and mercilessly honest, even at the expense of himself sometimes. ("If you think you’re that hot– Well, you are, but I don’t care.") He doesn't have a very high opinion of himself either, and goes out of his way to put others first. ("What I do care about is the lives of the people out there...") It's a unique combination of traits that can make him seem flat, but it's still ones I relate to.

Tweet of the week comes from no one in the writer’s room, but this goon who had the pleasure of being beat up by Heise (Elise/Janet):

(x)

You do you, man.

#opinions #the blacklist #Aram Mojtabai #cinnamon roll hacker supreme #analysis #the architect

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burnfatbefit-blog · 8 years ago

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Movies to Watch for Weight Loss Inspiration

We know that movies are a great way to stay entertained, and that they’re perfect for curling up on the couch with a healthy snack and relaxing on a Friday night. Believe it or not, movies can also be a place to find inspiration for our weight loss journeys — as long as we know what to look for. On that note, we rounded up the top six movies with a message about weight loss, movies we can watch to feel good, get inspiration, laugh at, maybe even cry a little. Put on your comfy clothes, grab some air-popped popcorn and take a seat.

Disfigured

Genre: Drama Stars: Deidra Edwards, Staci Lawrence, Ryan C. Benson, Elizabeth Sampson Rating: Unrated About: Disfigured is a movie about two young women — Lydia and Darcy — who both struggle with eating disorders — one is extremely overweight, the other extremely underweight. They form an unlikely friendship after Darcy, a recovering anorexic, joins Lydia’s “Fat Acceptance Group.” Why You Should Watch It: Disfigured is a movie about body image and how women on two dramatically opposite ends of the spectrum struggle with the exact same things — deep body dissatisfaction that’s a constant struggle for women.

Shallow Hal

Genre: Comedy Stars: Jack Black, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jason Alexander, Joe Viterelli Rating: PG-13 About: Shallow Hal has spent a lifetime chasing after and dating girls for their looks. But when a motivational speaker puts a “curse” on him to only see women for their inner beauty, he finds himself falling in love with a 300-pound girl who he sees for what she has on the inside. Why You Should Watch It: Losing weight and getting healthy is extremely important, but contrary to what much of the world tells us, it shouldn’t only be about looking good. The more important thing to strive for is the benefits it has for our health. This movie’s message is about having a positive body image and that no matter what, being a good person trumps looking like a supermodel.

Heavy Weights

Genre: Family/Comedy Stars: Tom McGowan, Aaron Schwartz, Ben Stiller, David Goldman Rating: PG About: Heavy Weights is a film about a young teenage boy named Gerry sent to fat camp by his parents. The camp starts out fun, until a psychotic, fitness-frenzied personal trainer takes over and forces the kids into extreme, humiliating workouts. Gerry and his friends eventually imprison the trainer and start eating so much junk food that they become sick, l a camp counselor steps in and encourages them to actually start losing weight and exercising. Why You Should Watch It: The best thing about this movie is that it teaches us that nothing is good in extremes. The boys were miserable and defiant when they were forced to lose weight in extreme ways by the personal trainer, and they were just as miserable when they made themselves sick eating junk food. But, when they started eating and exercising in moderation, they lost weight and found their happiness. It’s a message that mirrors what we, here at Diet-to-Go, believe works best for weight loss: Common-sense, healthy eating.

Precious

Genre: Drama Stars: Gabourey Sidibe, Mo'Nique, Paula Patton, Mariah Carey Rating: R About: Precious follows the story of Claireece Precious Jones, an obese, illiterate 16-year-old about to give birth to her second child who hopes to change her life after being accepted to an alternative school. Precious’ whole life has been full of abuse — physical, mental and sexual — but attending the alternative school gives her a chance to escape it all. Why it Works: This movie is heavy. It’s emotional and leaves most of us in tears by the end. But it also has a strong message: No matter how difficult circumstances are, perseverance and determination can result in triumph. It’s a message that we can easily apply to our personal journeys to lose weight. Because, after all, if Precious can defeat insurmountable odds and change her life, then we can too.

To Be Fat Like Me

Genre: Drama Stars: Kaley Cuoco, Melissa Halstrom, Michael Phenicie, Rachel Cairns Rating: Not Rated About: When a stuck-up, popular teenage girl named Aly injures herself, she decides to enter a documentary film project in the hopes of winning money to pay for college. Aly dons a fat suit for the film and sets out to prove that personality can overcome “bad” looks. She quickly learns how difficult life is for people who struggle with weight, and learns some valuable lessons along the way. Why You Should Watch It: To Be Fat Like Me is a good lesson in acceptance and supporting people in a positive way to lose weight or to become the people they want to be.

Fat

Genre: Drama Stars: Mel Rodriguez, Ashley Lauren, Jason Dugre, Charlene Amoia Rating: Not Rated About: Fat is about a man named Ken who, despite multiple warnings from his doctors that he’s headed to an early grave, refuses to change his eating and exercise habits. But Ken’s chance encounter with love causes him to rethink his position on life and find the motivation he needs to change. Why You Should Watch It: Fat is the story of a struggle so many of us know — a refusal to give up the foods we (think) we love and an unwillingness to change our lives, even if we know it’s making us sick. But it’s Ken’s eventual choice to turn things around that let’s us know that no matter how stubborn we are, changing is about finding the proper motivation to do so.

Super Size Me

Genre: Documentary Stars: Morgan Spurlock, Daryl Isaacs, Chemeeka Walker, Dania Abu-Rmaileh Rating: Not Rated About: Super Size Me is a deep look at the fast food industry and what it does to people. Director and star Morgan Spurlock spends an entire month eating only at McDonald’s, and the film follows the effects on his health, as well as the company’s greed and focus on gaining profits no matter the cost. Why You Should Watch It: There is no better film out there that so clearly outlines the pervasion of the fast food and junk food industries in our lives — and how much it’s cost us. It’s the kind of film that will leave you feeling angry and totally deceived by brands you’ve known your whole life. But, on the plus side, it’s also the kind of film that will boost your motivation and readiness to change.

Source: diettogo.com/blog Author: Caitlin Hendee

#movies weightloss inspire

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lilsurvs · 5 years ago

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009.

Who was the last person you kissed?: Correy... three weeks ago :(

Do you think you could forgive someone for cheating on you? : No.

How long have you been in your current relationship?: It’ll be a year next month!

Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most in life?: No.

Who’s the last person you sent a friend request to?: I sent a follow request to a girl named Kristin on Twitter.

Do you trust people easily?: No.

Do you currently have a lot of drama in your life? : Just work related shit that doesn’t directly involve me, except for like one instance.

Who’s the last person you kissed on the cheek?: Correy.

Is anyone in your family a criminal?: No.

Do you think your attractive?: Nope.

Are you currently stressed out about anything?: Yeah, I am.

Do you know anyone that’s a stripper?: No.

Who’s the most sarcastic person you know?: Charlene.

Who was the last person you told to shut up?: I don't remember.

Who do you miss the most right now?: Correy.

What was the last thing you lied to your mother about?: I’m not sure.

Do you believe in giving second chances?: Maybe sometimes.

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?: Yes.

Is anyone angry with you at the moment?: Not that I know.

What’s the last song you heard?: Thank God I Got Her x Jonny Diaz

Can you quote a song lyric from it?: I don’t feel like it.

Is there anyone in this world you would do absolutely anything for?: Yup.

Do you still talk to any of your ex’s?: No.

Do you like the color of your eyes?: They’re fine, I guess.

Who’s the last person that sent you a message on myspace?: LMAO.

How are you feeling right now?: Tired.

Do you think anyone hates you?: I don’t think so.

What do you think your last ex would say about you?: I don’t know, and I don’t care.

When you say you love someone, do you mean it?: Yeah. Now I do.

Do you still talk to the first person you fell in love with?: No. He stopped talking to me when I got into my current relationship. We had never been anything other than friends, but we both had feelings for each other. He knew I had feelings for him and ignored it and told me that I should go “have fun,” so I did. And I met Correy. And I’m happy. But I still miss him and his friendship. It’s for the best though. I don’t want anything to ruin what I’ve got now.

What’s one thing you recently learned?: No idea.

Are you going to have a baby by the time your 18?: No, I did’t.

Do you avoid certain people at school or work?: Yeah.

Does anyone like you right now that you know of?: Aside from Correy? No.

Would you ever fake your own death?: No...

Do you know anyone that was molested as a child?: Yeah.

Have you ever kissed anyone that was the same sex as you?: Nope.

Do you still want the last person that hurt you to have a happy life?: Yeah.

Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: No.

Why did your last relationship end?: I was unhappy.

What would make your life complete right now?: $$$, Correy coming home.

Would you ever marry someone who could not have children?: Yeah.

Do people compliment you often?: Yeah.

What’s one thing you like about the person you’re thinking about right now?: He always makes me laugh.

Are you talking to anyone right now?: No.

Do you have any friends that are pregnant?: Yeah.

Are you in love with someone right now?: Yes.

What’s the last thing you stole? : Nail polish... or was it the tie clip and sunglasses? I don’t remember.

What’s a curse word you use often?: Fuck.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?: Yep.

Have you ever ran away from home?: No.

Do you know anyone that’s ever been raped?: Yeah.

Would you ever kill someone?: Nope.

Do you ever feel lonely?: Yes.

Have a lot of people betrayed you?: Hmm.

Do you believe in God?: Yes.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?: Sometimes.

Do you tend to wear your heart out on your sleeve?: Sometimes.

Do you know anyone that looks up to you?: No.

Which one of your friends is always serious?: I don’t have any friends like that.

Are there any people in your life that you wish you never met?: Yeah.

If you could get any tattoo, what would you get?: I’m not sure.

Are you happy with the person you are?: Nope.

Do people think you’re a bad person?: No.

Do they also think that you’re a slut?: I don’t think so.

Are you with the last person you kissed?: Yes.

Have you ever wanted to just run away and start over?: Mhm.

Have you ever been punched?: Yes.

How many people do you know that have been to jail?: None.

Have you ever given out your cell number and then later regretted it?: Yup.

Was your last kiss a mistake?: Nope.

Do you know anyone that sells drugs?: Yes.

Do you know anyone that does drugs?: Yup.

Do you care about what’s happening in other countries?: Yeah.

Do you get annoyed easily?: Mhm.

Do you consider yourself high maintenance?: I am.

Are you faithful in relationships?: Yes.

Do you think you have a pretty good reputation?: Yeah.

Would you ever intentionally and physically hurt someone?: Maybe. It would depend.

#survey

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stopsubstanceabuse1-blog · 6 years ago

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Change is Strange: Coping with Change in Addiction Recovery

New Post has been published on https://www.substanceabuseprevention.net/change-is-strange-coping-with-change-in-addiction-recovery/

Change is Strange: Coping with Change in Addiction Recovery

What Are “Changes”?For the past several months I have been experiencing a lot of change. But what does that mean? I’ve been asking some questions:What do we mean by change?How do we view change?What does change do to us?Simply defined, change is, “the act of making or becoming different.”Those are small words for such an often series of tumultuous acts. Change can be sudden and unexpected, or it can be thought out and planned. But no matter how much we plan for change, it can throw us in a loop. We can feel lost. Anxiety and fear can take over. In sum, change is strange.Change is Strange: A First Hand AccountTake for instance how I have spent my life’s work working in the behavioral health care field, most notably in the addiction and mental health arena. I’ve spent decades either teaching on the university level or helping others to change. I have worked with thousands of students as well as hundreds of families whose loved ones experience the maladies of abuse. This has included:Chronic painDisordered eatingDisordered shoppingCompulsive gambling… other process disorders coupled with anxiety and depression. All the while, the name of the game is to motivate, facilitate, inspire them to change their behaviors. The goal is to fool those neuro tags and change the way one responds to life.Well, let me tell you first hand, “Change is strange”. I travel for work. Over the last few months, I have worked in London, New York, Fargo, Clovis, Mountainside, Long Beach and Malibu. I have changed some of the work I do from consulting at one place to consulting at a few others. Consulting means you go into a center with essentially clean eyes and knowledge about the subject matter you are asked to look at. As such, one becomes a partial part of something.As a consultant, one’s job is well defined. In my case, most of the time it centers around developing curriculum, training and working with others. As such, you must learn all about the entities and perspectives in the workplace. In other words, you must put yourself in their shoes. You must identity with and try to understand all the nuances of a treatment environment, even though you are not present all the time.Looking at AttachmentThis is a tightrope walk. I honor the professionals, the work they are doing, and their processes for accomplishing their goals. Nonetheless, in doing so, I find that I become attached to the people, places, and things I encounter.When a consulting job ends, there is a little hole inside of me that misses that place, that staff, those people.And so, faces and places change. I found this experience to be bittersweet, having learned tons about a new subject matter. Hence, whether it’s abrupt or planned, saying goodbye is difficult. Change is strange!Moving to a New Home Shakes Things UpRecently, my husband, dogs, and all our things were picked up and moved. The process has shaken up the molecules of knowing where everything is in its rightful place. It’s difficult to know where things are: from where silverware sits to where the best grocery store is to wondering, “Where did I put this or that?”.. to not knowing exactly where to go, what to do, or who to meet.My sense of direction, belonging, and trajectory have all been thrown into a clothes dryer and the dial turned up to maximum spin. I don’t know where I’m going to fall when the tumble dry finishes. Indeed, change is strange.Many of you know we have relocated to the desert. Mr. Wadas – my husband – as I affectionately call him, is happy as a clam after spending months making a new home. He can walk out onto our back patio and look up at the stars every night, see the harvest moon, and can play golf for a cheap ticket at the best clubs.As a former athletic director, moves are a way of life for him. He changed university colors many a time. As an athlete, he learned that there is always another game to play. If you lose one you get up the next day, dust yourself off, learn from the plays, train harder, and go back out. His mantra is:“Preparation plus opportunity equals success.”He rolls with the punches, another way of dealing with the emotional highs and lows of transition.How Being an ACOA Informs My Response to ChangeFor me, the adult child of an alcoholic and the daughter of a Loretta Young-type mother who vacationed and moved constantly, change doesn’t settle well in my bones. In addition to this, I’m a woman who experienced many sudden deaths of close family.I don’t move.In WeHo, my previous residence, I only moved two doors down from our condo to a home. I fell in love with the city, learned, laughed, walked everywhere in the neighborhood feel of WeHo, met so many new people, volunteered at the Sheriff’s station, tripped in disbelief over a growing homeless population, protested the marijuana stores, made friends with the doormen at Sunset Marquis, experienced the vastness of the treatment and recovery industry, hiked up to Soul Cycle every morning, riding alongside artists, designers, celebrities, etc., and felt a strong sense of community. I felt energized, activated and secure with the sounds of La Cienega roaring in the background.And then life took some turns and we chose to move.I have been coming to the desert for more than 35 years. I know the streets, have a few professional friends here, and can find my way around. Still, I don’t know all the places. There is a flood of new faces. Yet, there is a familiarity in unfamiliarity.I Turn to the Tools of RecoveryWhat I do have that I embrace are the tools of recovery for any environment in the world. As such, this means that:I try six meetings and try six more.I try six spinning studios and try six more instructors.I use the telephone (I don’t know my landline number even that was switched).I reach out to new and old friends, suiting up and showing up.I trade Melrose Place for Lowes (really!)More than anything, it means feeling my feelings.I grieve the changes and welcome new beginnings. I shed some tears, write an article about FOMO (the fear of missing out), as I am missing all the L.A. events and its robust treatment community. It means facetiming with grandchildren instead of hugging in person.And in the process, I am finding my groove.This morning, as I see the desert sky come up… I am grateful. Grateful that I got to learn so much about chronic pain and how to work with families in that arena. I’m grateful for the synergy of the city, for learning about life in the fast lane, for traveling near and far in the pursuit of wellness, for learning from such great folks along the way from Sean Firtel to Brad Lamm, Jonathan Rauch, Jeffrey Merrick, James Flowers to Cole Rucker, Heather Hayes and Eve Ruff, Judith Landau, Denise Klein, Charlene Short Majors, Monica Phillips Priya Chaudri, Ed and Mary Ann Spatola, Dawn Hedgepath.There are so many more!How to Get Through Periods of ChangeSo, now I am here in the desert, being gentle with myself. I realize that I am in the process of becoming. “Be gentle with your soul,” I say to others. Now I am saying that to myself.In this new chapter, the tools of recovery are important. Here they are:EmpathyEstablishing new ritualsExerciseFeeling one’s feelingsMeetingsNutritionPeer SupportProfessional consultationTelephone callsSo, if you are in the midst of doing something different – taking something out of your daily routine or adding something in – please remember it takes 60-90 days to change just one behavior. When you are trying to adjust, adapt, or learn about so many new things… let those neurons fire off and remember you are attaching to new ways of being.You will be OK.Change is strange! As John West, Co- Owner of The Guest House . hared on Facebook:“A shark in a fish tank will grow eight inches but in the ocean it will grow eight feet or more. The shark will never grow out of its environment. The same is true with you. Many times we are around small thinking so we don’t grow. Change your environment and watch yourself grow.”How are you growing today?How are you addressing change?Let me know and I will compile your wisdom and share with everyone. Source: https://addictionblog.org/recovery/change-is-strange-coping-with-change-in-addiction-recovery/

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welovetheherb · 7 years ago

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Marijuana: safer than opioids?

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Marijuana: safer than opioids?

Weed, pot, reefer, grass, Mary Jane, hash, herb – no matter you name it, marijuana traditionally has had a nasty status as an unlawful avenue drug. Marijuana elicits photos of highschool children hiding in loos, faculty events stuffed with smoky air and the gateway drug to tougher addictions.

But within the midst of an opioid epidemic within the Blue Water Area, some advocates argue that utilizing marijuana to deal with persistent ache is a safer, much less addictive different to narcotics.

Tom Owens, a medical marijuana consumer and licensed caregiver, proposed to Brown City City Council in March to open a marijuana dispensary inside the metropolis limits. After consulting with town legal professional, the council determined to desk the choice till extra state guidelines are put in place. In the meantime, Owens will proceed to cater to his 5 sufferers.

As a persistent ache affected person himself, Owens is aware of the challenges of managing ache, accessing therapy and getting evening’s relaxation. Owens had a hip substitute and continued again issues, along with a coronary heart assault. He noticed the hazards of opioid habit in mates and neighbors, and wished to keep away from that for himself. In addition, the narcotics that his doctor initially gave him brought about a large number of negative effects, together with gastrointestinal upsets.

After reviewing analysis articles, Owens determined to strive cannabis to deal with his ache.

“I’ve got to be hurting pretty bad to take half a piece of (cannabis) candy,” Owens mentioned. “I don’t usually take it until I am done for the day, and I sit in the chair and relax and take half a piece of candy and sleep like a baby. If you go a lot of nights without sleep, you realize how important it is. But I’m 63 years old, so everything hurts on me.”

For anybody who questions his choice to deal with his ache with cannabis relatively than narcotics, Owens urges them to delve into current analysis on their very own.

What the analysis reveals

In St. Clair County, the unlawful use of prescription ache tablets and heroin continues to rise. In 2016, 308 grams of heroin was confiscated by the St. Clair County Drug Task Force, a virtually 50 % enhance from 2015. In 2015, 48 overdose deaths have been reported. And 2016 got here to an finish with three deadly overdoses reported within the metropolis of Port Huron in a 15 hour span from Dec. 31 to Jan. 1, 2017.

While native officers work to fight the epidemic and discover actual options, extra neighborhood members proceed to die from deadly overdoses. Owens not solely advocates for cannabis as solution to deal with persistent ache, but in addition as a safer different to interchange opioids.

A research printed a 12 months in the past by researchers on the University of Michigan School of Public Health reported that sufferers utilizing medical marijuana to fight persistent ache reported a 64 % discount of their use of opioids.

Kevin Boehnke, the lead creator of the research, mentioned whereas cannabis does have the potential for abuse and habit, in addition to different long-term results like bronchitis, he mentioned the trade-off is value it when in comparison with opioids. He mentioned opioids current unfavorable negative effects that cannabis doesn’t, similar to gastrointestinal upsets and constipation. He mentioned sufferers utilizing cannabis reported fewer negative effects and higher high quality of life.

In addition, he mentioned marijuana has not led to any deadly overdose deaths, like opioids have.

A current research out of the University of California-San Diego reported that, on common, the hospitalization charges for opioid overdoses dropped 13 % and hospitalization charges for opioid dependence dropped by 23 % in states that allowed using medical marijuana.

Similarly, a 2014 research performed by researchers at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health discovered that “in states where it is legal to use medical marijuana to manage chronic pain and other conditions, the annual number of deaths from prescription drug overdose is 25 percent lower than in states where medical marijuana remains illegal,” in response to a Johns Hopkins press launch.

“We believe patients are substituting the use of opioids with cannabis, which is not associated with overdoses or other clinical risk factors that opioids are associated with, so marijuana may present a safer alternative to opioids,” mentioned Brendan Saloner, co-author of the Johns Hopkins research and assistant professor of well being coverage and administration at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.

Saloner mentioned the largest good thing about cannabis is that there isn’t a danger of overdose. He mentioned marijuana just isn’t related to the identical sort of psychological dependence that opioids create. While marijuana might be addictive, it is extremely totally different.

“The key thing to think about with opioids, when people use, the brain literally has a strong craving impulse, and then they stop using opioids they experience a physical painful withdrawal and often need medication to help manage their dependence,” Saloner mentioned. “Marijuana doesn’t have that kind of issue.”

Opioids overdoses additionally result in respiratory despair, which is a critical medical conditional that causes an individual to lose consciousness and may trigger their important organs to cease functioning. This is why opioid overdoses might be deadly.

“There are no cases of that kind of thing happening when people consume a lot of marijuana,” Saloner mentioned. “But there are other (non-fatal) reasons why people using marijuana may seek medical attention like psychosis or if they become disoriented.”

Opposition

Boehnke mentioned whereas extra analysis is rising to help using marijuana to deal with persistent ache, there are nonetheless many physicians who’re cautious to help it.

Physicians don’t write prescriptions for cannabis, however certify that their affected person has a medical situation that qualifies them below state legislation to acquire a medical marijuana use license. Since it’s not a prescription, there’s much less regulation and that may make some medical doctors nervous to encourage using the substance.

“Unlike an opioid prescription that has a known standard, the quantity of active ingredients in marijuana is not regulated by the FDA,” Boehnke mentioned. “Cannabis has many different active ingredients. It is grown by many different people. It is not standardized and there are many different ways to ingest it. There’s a lot of uncertainty for doctors, which pushes some physicians to say, ‘Let’s try something else first.’”

Saloner mentioned extra analysis nonetheless must be performed concerning the results of marijuana. He mentioned a few of the well being dangers of marijuana are usually not but totally understood. He mentioned abuse of marijuana can create issues as any substance abuse can, similar to impacting household life and careers. Using cannabis whereas working a car can result in accidents.

“There is pretty solid evidence now that marijuana is an effective tool for managing some symptoms related to pain, but it may come with its own risks and they are very real and important to think about in the broader public health perspective,” Saloner mentioned.

Charlene McGunn, Mobilizing Michigan director, mentioned as a result of marijuana just isn’t an FDA-approved substance, customers can’t make sure how highly effective every dose is. She mentioned a lot of the analysis supporting medical marijuana use is simply anecdotal analysis. Mobilizing Michigan is an academic motion began by the Chippewa Valley Coalition for Youth and Families, primarily based in Macomb County, to guard children from marijuana.

“What we do know is that marijuana is extremely potent and much stronger than it was decades ago,” she mentioned. “We do know it is addictive, and very damaging to developing brains. Use of marijuana in adolescence can lead to use of opioids and heroin in adult life.”

Michell Tincknell, Owens’ daughter and a registered visiting nurse, is working along with her father to convey the dispensary to Brown City. Some of the sufferers she works with as a visiting nurse use cannabis to deal with their persistent ache. Tincknell mentioned that the largest delusion about marijuana she hears is that it’s a “gateway drug” that results in using tougher substances.

In 2015, extra than 90 % of Michigan medical marijuana customers listed “treating severe and chronic pain” as their cause for making use of for a card, in response to the Michigan Department of Licensing and Regulatory Affairs.

“People already have it set in their mind that cannabis is bad and they don’t educate themselves,” she mentioned. “But it’s a great feeling to be able to see a chronic pain patient who hasn’t wanted to get off the couch for months, be able to walk to get the mail themselves or walk around their house to do little things. It’s about patient quality of life.”

Tincknell mentioned she doesn’t consider that cannabis leads youngsters to need to strive tougher medicine. McGunn disagreed.

Regardless, Saloner mentioned better availability of any drug makes it extra probably minors would use it. Having cannabis in a cupboard poses the identical dangers as having opioids or alcohol simply accessible by youngsters.

While cannabis is likely to be a safer different to deal with persistent ache, extra analysis must be performed earlier than it’s a frequently accepted apply within the medical discipline. At the very least, Saloner mentioned, it’s noteworthy to keep in mind that whereas opioids can result in deadly overdoses, cannabis doesn’t – and an increase in opioid-related overdose deaths is the general public well being epidemic that officers are presently attempting to fight.

Tom Owens mentioned he’ll proceed offering for his 5 persistent ache sufferers, with hopes to at some point be capable of present for much more.

“Marijuana still has a bad rep,” he mentioned. “I used to be a farmer — I farmed corn, soybeans, hay and alfalfa — so I like growing (cannabis), but mostly I just want to help people. There’s not many places people can get cannabis close, they have to drive far. I just thought with a dispensary here, it would be easier for them.”

Contact Nicole Hayden at (810) 989-6279 or [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter @nicoleandpig.

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