#What could drive someone as old as a god to want to change themselves so thoroughly

[monstrousvoice]

*drops this and skidders away*

(This would be before the events of the game)

Do you think every couple of years or so the bishops would host celebrations/festivities? stuff to do with sate, order, cure, etc etc, some respite for their followers- keep em hopeful for a little while they continue their evil bs.

And the vast majority of the time, all of them are there except Narinder, be it from him being an anti social edgelord or simply not having time for such trivial things, even with prompting from his siblings, he never attends.

Even still, the remaining four still keep a spare chair/throne for him incase he ever does decide to join them.

His frequent absence during these periods of respite ends up becoming an in-joke for those who attend, that “death does not celebrate”.

Maybe eventually they fill his seat with a potato sack dyed black with a flimsy paper crown on top of it and an angry face drawn on, god knows if he ever actually decided to attend and saw his “replacement” all hell would break loose…

Nooooo come back!! *Sprinkles little bits of cheddar across the floor to tempt you to come closer*

YES!! I think the Bishops def had various celebrations at different times of the year. Some, as you suggest, are about celebrating good things like an abundance of food, or a strain of plague finally reaching an end!

On a darker note, considering what we see in game, I do believe darker festivities were held as well. Heretics being held hostage and beaten and sacrificed as some "glorious" act of heroism and goodness. Think Salem Witch Trials kind of mentality.

As for Naridner?

I think, even if he is incredibly busy, he does want to be a part of these celebrations. He loves his siblings, he wants to be a part of their lives and spend some quality time with them.

As hilarious as it is to imagine potato sack Narinder (which someone should def draw 👀🤣) I think in reality, the siblings wouldn't even think twice about him not being there.

Narinder wanted to change, as we learn from Shamura, who says that that isn't something Death can ever achieve. He wanted to change to be like them, his siblings.

I would think it was an offhand discussion to them, most likely Shamura, where they state "Narinder, you wouldn't belong at such a festivity. Death has no place at a celebration of life after Heket's famine/Shamura's war/Kallamar's plauge, etc etc."

But for Narinder?

It's a punch in the gut. His responsibilities, his purpose, is keeping him from being able to do something as simple as attend a party being thrown for his siblings.

Who wouldn't want to change to be something more after centuries of that?

PS: And thats not even covering other aspects of life that must have influenced his desire to be something more. It's just one possibility. All we as the audience have to go off of is that Narinder felt like, pardon the expression, black sheep of the family.

He felt that he had to change the very core of his being to be more like his siblings.

[partitionis]

on the horror of fame:

something that I often find myself thinking about when I’m back in Taiwan and around people who are far richer than I’ll ever be [1] is how the day-to-day experience of being rich and powerful is actually pretty… dehumanizing

there’s a sweet spot where you’re wealthy enough that you don’t have to worry about money ever and still anonymous enough that you can pop down to the 7/11 without anyone knowing who you are, but once you’re famous enough that people on the street tend to recognize you? you’re fucked.

ok, you haven’t driven a car in a few decades because you’ve been rich enough to employ a driver and someone of your status isn’t really the type to drive themselves around. this is fine. except now your driver knows all of your business. that’s also fine, you pay him for his discretion. do you pay him enough? can you be sure that his institutional loyalty is enough to stop him from taking a tabloid payment? maybe you want to go somewhere spur of the moment. you could call your driver, and he’d drop whatever he was doing and be at your house to get you within fifteen minutes [2], but you know, maybe he’s with his kids or something. you could take the subway, except if you do that multiple people will recognize you and everyone will treat you like you have some sort of infectious disease [3]. guess you’d better stay in.

and every moment of every day is like this! being a famous man is great because women want to have sex with you and men want to be you. except mostly what everyone wants is access to the wealth and power you represent: people tell you half-truths to try to convince you to invest in some bullshit or they put their hands dangerously close to your penis in public social situations [4]. you— the person you actually are— are mostly treated like an obstacle to be overcome or a puzzle to be figured out. ‘what kind of currency do I need to put in to the old man to get what I want out of him’

so you have all of the things people want, but they’re poisoned by abundance. you can go anywhere and buy anything, but you can’t do it without feeling the eyes of the world on you. you have more friends and potential lovers than you know what to do with, but do you? one of the great privileges of being a regular person [5] is that you can generally trust that social gestures are genuine. I’m just a regular guy and the only benefit anyone gets from throwing me a birthday party or having sex with me is that we ate birthday cake or had sex. none of these things will unlock access to money or power because I’ve got none to give, but once you do, you invariably attract these people. they’re not all of your social circle, but they’re a lot of it, because competing for your limited time and attention with the people who are willing to grope you in public feels vaguely debasing

no wonder musicians are alcoholics! no wonder the people I know are all withdrawn and snappish. you’re just some guy, and you’re living a life so divorced from the rest of the world that you have more in common with the god-kings of old than you do with your own parents. is it worth it? I mean I won’t lie, sometimes it’s pretty sick; I’d never buy a $5,000 watch, but I can pretty easily imagine what I’d do with thousands of dollars of pocket change. but then I remember that one person I know refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is because people make such a big fucking deal out of it and I think, hm, if that were me I’d probably develop a heroin addiction [6].

[1] presumably

[2] let’s not consider how much it sucks to be the driver in this situation

[3] you are not the good kind of famous in this story, sorry.

[4] I’m sure this was titillating at one point but I’m also pretty sure it got old by the third decade, never mind what it’s like in the fifth

[5] unless you’re an Olive Garden manager who posts a lot about fake friends and backstabbers on Facebook or wherever the beleaguered Olive Garden managers of the world are posting today

[6] at least I’d be able to pay for it

[polarisblitzwing]

WELCOME TO THE FRI3NDSFOR3VER AU

Ford's World - Dimension Fri3nds46/’

◇ Alternative Earth Variant ◇

● Humans have wings and feathered tails

● Alternative Pines family decisions timeline

◇ Stanford Pines ◇

● Ford is a minor god of dreams and a self-proclaimed god of anomalies

● 30 years old here (Young Immortal)

● Met Bill when he was 5 due to him attempting an interdimensional dreamwalk link, with Bill trying the same thing by chance, something that wouldn't work at their age without each other

◇ Gods Among Them ◇

● Most gods were mortals whose power was drawn to them like a magnet due to their personality in some way

● Fairly secretive and prefer to hide their works

● Rely on their believers to notice their efforts, resulting in an increase in power

● Can reveal themselves to the public, but building up power from faith alone is more sustainable for less powerful gods

● Stop aging between 25 and 100 (depending on what age someone wants to live forever)

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

Bill's World - For3verEuclydia

◇ Alternative Euclydia Variant ◇

● 360 years is the average lifespan of a Euclydian in this au

● No massacre

◇ Bill Cipher ◇

● Bill is a minor god of dreams and a self-proclaimed god of weirdness

● 30 years old here (Young Immortal)

● Met Ford and Stan when he was 5

◇ Gods Among Them ◇

● Only gods have wings and tails as a power symbol

● Their wings and tails are invisible to anyone that doesn't believe in them specifically

● “Omnipotent” Euclydian gods only know everything about their own world. Bill's knowledge of the third dimension is seen as false teachings to even them.

◇ Bill’s Family ◇

● Scalene is a goddess of Truth and Euclid is a god of Reality

● No one believes Bill is a god except his parents, as godhood is a power grant at birth to someone who the power is drawn to here. It can skip generations.

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

NOW, ON TO THE ACTUAL DIALOGUE FOR THIS DRAWING! FANFIC TIME ~

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

Bill: So here's my problem - I need to show them the stars. It gets real flat to hear “you're delusional, Bill” and “stop talking about a third dimension!” “Shh, you're gonna get arrested!” “It's not real!” Over and over again. It's time to change up the law and their perspectives.

Ford: Hmm.. that'll be quite the endeavor. You might need more power for that.

Bill: Ohh-ho-oh, definitely. Some of my ideas get real difficult along the way. The kind of stuff only a god with twice my power could pull off. 

[ Pulls up a holographic board with his first idea. ] 

Bill: If I could turn their eyes towards the stars and give them the same vision as I do, that'd be ideal. 

[ Ford manifests a danger sign over Bill's board; a buzzer sounds in warning. ]

Ford: Doing that to the entirety of Euclydia could potentially be devastating. Even if you get that newfound power, without centuries of diligent practice, you could end up permanently mutilating thousands of people in the process. Too risky. 

Bill: Uuugh… even if the people I wanted to show the most were immortal too, I don't think I could put up with more of their talk for that long. It has to be this century.

Ford: I get where you're coming from. I’ll do my best to make sure it happens when we figure out a plan that won’t have too many risks involved.

Bill: I could probably have the world dream of stars if you help, but that isn’t real enough to me. It drives me crazy that I can’t see you in real life. 

Ford: We’ll meet one day, I promise it. 

Bill: I sure hope so, Sixer. 

[ Pulls up two more holographic charts. ] 

Now.. back to my list of extremely great ideas.. what if I put really tiny stars in the world and contained the heat? Or flipped the world on the y-axis just to prove a third dimension exists first?

[ Ford manifests two more warnings in succession. ]

Ford: Could easily start a fire if anything went wrong, and for all we know, flipping the world vertically could cause everything to fall bottom to top infinitely until it’s fixed. Also runs the risk of killing a lot of Euclydians. Not to mention there could be other forces in your space that could affect the world.

Bill: Yeesh. Alright then, you got any ideas?

Ford: Actually, come to think of it.. 

[ Ford summons a hologram with a vision of his own forming. ]

Maybe instead of dreams, we tried something just a step up from multi-dimensional dream-walking, something like astral projection. We bring them out of their bodies, but tethered to their world, into space. Without the limitations of their physical forms, their eyes should be able to see more than what they could before.

Bill: SIXER, YOU'RE A GENIUS!!!

Ford: Hah, well, I try.  

Bill: NOW THAT'S SOMETHING I COULD ACTUALLY PULL OFF RISK FREE! It might take splitting up the days people get to see it, but, they’ll finally see.

Ford: Well, hold on, splitting up the days could be risky for the groups who see versus who don’t on the first day, so, here's what I'll do. I'll give you my powers for as long as you need them for this. I would like to help personally, but I’d need to physically be there. This will be my contribution to your paradigm shift for Euclydia.

Bill: ..you really trust me that much? 

Ford: (smiles and nods) Of course. You're my best friend, my muse, the sun in my galaxy, Bill. I want you to be happy.

[ Ford offers his hand and godly powers out to his partner. ]

Bill: (chuckles, smiling) You’re the best, Fordsy.

[ They shake on it. ]

[echantedtoon]

Love Is Blind Ch1 To Which One Discovers The Other

Love might be blind but in it's blindness is a sense of compassion and care that is unbiased and true. Y/n has a chance encounter with a man that will change the course of her life forever.

(Important Note!!: Y/n can look however you want except for the pale hair for reasons later in this short story. I don't plan on this being as long as my other stories but I wanted to write for one of my absolute favorite Demon Slayer characters. Of course it's also an au so barely anything is cannon.)

Life had an interesting way of agreeing with fate and driving one to gain their destiny. 

You still remembered what your mother always told you all those years ago. 

"When a young man or woman reaches the age of sixteen, the gods bestow a gift on them."

"What kind of gift, Mama?" The young toddler could hardly contain her excitement as she stared sparkly eyed up to the older woman softly tucking her in with a gentle smile. "When someone turns sixteen years old, a name appears on their palms for one whole week. That name is the name of your soulmate. Your future husband or wife." Soft blankets were pulled over her body once again and gentle hands tucked her in. 

The little child's eyes went wide in fascination. "Is that how you and Papa met?"

Her mother nodded. "That's right. When I was just sixteen years old, his name appeared on my hands. We were neighbors so it was very easy to find one another."

"But...How do the gods know who to pick for your soulmate?"

"I'm not sure but I always heard that they listen to your wants and send you what you need in life. So think hard on who you want. The gods will hear your prayers and send you the best man they have for you." 

"Then I'm gonna think every day about what I want?! I'll get the handsomest husband ever second to Papa!"

The woman chuckled at the toddler's cute proclamation. "I'm sure you will. Get some sleep now. You can't think anything if you don't rest your mind "

From that fateful day forward, life went on as normally for you as the average girl. You grew up very beautifully. Many parents offered to set up arranged marriages between their sons or they would approach you themselves to ask you for your hand in marriage. You refused and so did your parents. Insisting on waiting until your sixteenth birthday to await the fated gift the gods would bestow upon you. You still remembered that birthday like it was yesterday. It happened in the middle of the night. You were fast asleep when you felt a burning sensation in your hands. It had caused you to wake up yelling in alarm startling your parents into waking up and running in to check on you. Your younger self had clutched your palms and was hissing in pain. It took your father forcibly prying your fists open as your mother held you crying. You'd never forget the two words etched upon your palms. The one that caused you pain that night and would stay there until they mysteriously vanished one night a week later.

Kagaya Ubuyashiki 

The words were so foreign but yet so .. exciting to you. Your parents were in awe but happy for you you all the same. This was it. The name of your future soulmate. You remembered spending countless hours of that one week staring at the words and letters on your hands. They were so mysterious and yet..you couldn't help but be excited at the same time. 

Kagaya Ubuyashiki

It sounded like a handsome name. A noble name. One of a handsome man. You thought about it often as the days turned to weeks. Weeks to months. Months to years. Even as the words faded. Even as you continued your work under the local herbalist and planned your future life. And you knew EXACTLY who you wanted. A tall handsome man. You didn't care what color his eyes were or how long his hair was. You just wanted someone appealing. You also wanted someone who was...bright, kind, and caring.

You once saw a couple arguing with one another loudly on the street. Apparently she had caught him with a mistress in their house. You never wanted that so you added responsible and fair to you among the list of traits. You also prayed every day that whoever he was would be willing to listen unlike the many other men you've ever seen around the town. But..life went on. Soon you forgot all about your soulmate and instead focused on your life and what you wanted to do. There wasn't many jobs for women, but you had found your calling. Despite working under an herbalist for many years, you had found your real calling amongst the garden of flowers. 

A florist. You wanted to be a florist. 

Your mother approved instantly although your father still had a few doubts, luckily he came around to the idea in time but still insisted on you studying herbalism for something to start out on. You were nearly done with your studies under the current herbalist in town anyways so you easily agreed. You grew into an adult now and You had you're entire life planned out for what you want to do. You wanted to travel for a year or two seeing the sights and the land before finding a place to settle down. From there you'd continue your herbology work and gradually save up enough money for your real dream. A BIG garden! You wanted a BIG garden filled with flowers! Wysteria. Hydrangea. Roses. Daises. It was going to be beautiful. You couldn't wait. It was going to be so perfect. 

Nothing could stop you from achieving your dream.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!!

A knock on your door stopped you from helping your mother in the kitchen with lunch when the two of you stopped and looked over at the door.

"Now who could that be?," your mother asked curiously raising a brow.

"I don't know. Should I answer the door?"

"No. Come over here and finish washing these vegetables off for me. I'll see who it is." You nodded and silently took over at the sink picking up a potato as your mother stood. Her footfalls trailed after her as she walked over to the door and opened it only to blink as a man she's never seen stood there. "....Can I help you?"

"Is this the L/n residence?"

The older woman suspiciously narrowed her eyes, taking her time to wipe her hands off on the apron she wore before placing her hands on her hips. "I don't know." Her suspicious eyes looked him up and down. "Who is asking?" 

"I am a messenger from the Ubuyashiki estate." Your entire body froze. Eyes going wide as you turned to the doorway. What did he say?! "My Master has been searching for your daughter for a while now. I've come to bring her to the estate."

"Estate? What business does she have there?"

The man dared to look utterly confused. "To meet her future husband of course."

[starheirxero]

I JUST WATCHED THE TRIPLE LORE-

OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD.

I AM FLABBERGASTED- I AM SHOOKETH-

I AM CURRENTLY ACENDING INTO THE HEAVENS ABOVE-

I CANNOT EXPRESS ENOUGH, HOW MUCH I ADORE TRAGEDIES AND HEAVY ANGST- I LOVE, SEEING THE CHARACTERS FALL APART. I LOVE, WATCHING THEM LOSE THEMSELVES. I LOVE WATCHING, AS THEY LOOK INTO THE MIRROR, UNABLE TO REGOGNIZE THEMSELVES. I LOVE SEEING THEM LOSE THEIR MORALITY. I LOVE, SEEING CHARACTERS BREAK. I LOVE, WATCHING THEM SUFFER AND CHANGE THROUGH IT. EVERY DAMN STORY MADE UP IN MY HEAD TURNS INTO A TRAGEDY-

I AM ON MY KNEES- I AM BLESSED, MY HEART HAS BEEN TORN INTO MILLIONS OF PIECES-

THIS WAS SO CHILLING, IN SO MANY GREAT WAYS.

MOON HAS COMPLETELY LOST HIMSELF. THE CHILL THAT WENT DOWN MY SPINE!!

THE WAY HE JUST STOPPED, REALIZING THAT HE DOESN'T CARE, THAT HE LOST EVERY BIT OF CARE HE HAS FOR EARTH-

EVEN MORE SO??? HE BURNED HER. SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE SHOWING SIGNS OF PAIN, SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE CRUMBLING.

RUIN WAS FINE. BLOODMOON KEPT SPOUTING AND CACKLING.

EARTH WAS THE ONLY ONE HURT. SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE AFFECTED-

HER ENTIRE LEFT SIDE HURTS WITH EVERY MOVEMENT! This is so fucked up, oh god… OH GOD-

Moon's entire existence revolved around his family, and now? He almost killed his sister. He didn't even care. Quite literally just told her "Oh well"!

Even though he aimed to kill Bloodmoon, she's the injured one… God, I can't even describe, how much this fucks me up…

To be honest? A part of me wants these burns to be permanent. A consequence and reminder of Moon's action. A physical reminder, why he will never be forgiven, and him and Earth will never be close again.

And a part of me hopes, it turns Earth colder. That it becomes something, that changes her. After all, this was her brother. A person, she trusted dearly. And now? She sees him the same way as she does her father. Something that he acknowledged, but yelled at her for.

And now? He's occupying some place in space, though the question would be: how long? Last time someone floated in the void, Dark Sun swept him up and put something devastating in his head.

AND OH GOD, BLOODMOON'S DEAD- HE WAS DISINTEGRATED ATOM BY ATOM-

EVEN WORSE?? I THINK, HE WANTED THIS. HE KEPT TELLING THEM TO DO IT, MOCKING THEM, PROVOCATING. MAYBE HE WANTED THEM TO KILL HIM, SO HE CAN BE WITH HIS BROTHER AGAIN. MAYBE, LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING WITHOUT A WEIGHT AND VOICE INSIDE HIS HEAD-

There were in general so many things that were said about the twins, about the way they work. Ruin never created them with bloodlust. It was never part of their programming to begin with.

Did their old selves have it at all? Was it so deep in their code, that it was invisible to anyone else? Or was their something else driving them this entire time?

And what made the new version so bloodthirsty? Was it simple enjoyment? Was it their memories?

Speaking of which- RUIN IS FUCKING BACK- HE IS A FREE MAN ONCE MORE!!!

I am so damn excited what his journey will lead to- He's such a fascinating character!!

You've already pointed it out, but the way he tried to comfort Earth is so interesting! It seems that Eclipses flock to her, in some way!

And of course, Puppet. Oh god, Puppet. They used up all their magic, to the point of a breakdown…

All of this seems so convenient. All of this feels odd, as pointed out by Ruin and Puppet both.

Could this all be part of Dark Sun's scheme?

Furthermore, could he be the reason, Moon snapped? Could he have planned it?

There's so many questions rotating in my brain!!

I am sticking with it as my favorite arc-

-Stardust

YEHAYSUAYHAHAYAYAYA!!!!!!! I'M A FEW DAYS LATE TO THIS SO NOW THERE'S EVEN MORE TRAGEDY NOT MENTIONED IN UR ASK BUT [SHAKES YOU] ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!

there is SO MANY LEVELS OF WILDLY FASCINATING AND HEARTBREAKING BEING PRESENTED HEREEEE!!!!!! EVERYTHING'S IN SHAMBLES. EVERYONE'S HURT TO SOME DEGREE. THINGS JUST KEEP TUMBLING MORE AND MORE DOWNHILL AND IM SO EUWBSIHAHAHAAAAAAA IM SO YAY YAY YAY YIPPEEEEEE!!!!!!!

YYEHSYEGS MOON BURNED EARTG!!!!! I'M STILL NOT OVER THAT. HE HURT HER THE WORST!!! AND YEHSYEYYSS GHOOOODDD I KNOW THEY PROBABKLY WON'T WORK IT INTI THE MODEL BUT EARTH WITH BURN SCARS FOREVER AFTERWARDS PLEEEEAASSSSEEEEEEE

AND MOON NOW YEAH. THAT'S SO WILD TO ME HE JUST GOT STRAIGHT UP BANISHED. AND UR PREDICTION WAS SPOT ON DARK SUN IMMEDIATELY GIT HIS HANDS IN HIM..... TOOK SOMETHING OUT TOO IM SO AHSJSBDJSN

AND GHOD YEAH BLOOSMOON IS JUST. DEAD NOW. FOR REALS. It all happened so fast I can't EVENNN. HONESTLY I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING THO, HE SEEMED DESPERATE FOR A FIGHT, TO BE KILLED. I 100% also attributed it to him not knowing how to function with his twin and just deciding to go full recklessness. AND WHAT RUIN DROPPED ABT HIS CODE OMS YEAH.

I won't lie it's both kind of hilarious 2 me to me that Bloodmoon 2.0 just decided that being a murderer is fun as shit, but also kind of a relief bc it explains a LOT. Or, well, like. One detail but STILL SKABDJDM

The way I heard it, Ruin was basically going "yea the og had the kill code but I couldn't get my hands on that, so I just did the next best thing, but it's entirely up to them to actually obey it." yk?? Which!!! Is a solid explanation for why OG Bloodmoon expressed frustration with his code before he died, but why Bloodmoon 2.0 had no issues with it. because they were doing that shit for funsies HEJHAJDHS

AND RUIN AND PUPPET YAYAYAYYA I'm so wildly fascinated by their short interaction + I am so intrigued to see what'll happen to them!!!! Dark Sun's involvement in everything has me terribly fascinated and I can't wait to see every thread he may or may not be pulling. its justqhaAHSJAHSJ ITS ALL SO EXCITINGGGG WEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[vermillioncrown]

an actual AU snippet: a number of different selves

bc @rozaceous and i keep teehee-ing about 'folie a deux' and aaaaall the au's we have for our dc-siocs

money where the mouth is: bonus snippet + concept for followers

(it'll prob just be like my longer mdzs au's with one written part and the rest is just back and forth)

impetus: roz and i saw a shitpost where someone laughed at "bruce wayne x reader divorce" and said "he's already going through it and people are really inserting themselves in the narrative just to divorce him lmao"

which we then joked "damn we'd be set. he could have whatever mistress he wants as long as we could have financial support and leave us alone. we'll play his trophy wife"

and then we both realized that there would be things we couldn't let go if we ever caught wind of it. like it would drive us insane to abide by it. and thus...a version of our si's w bruce (yeah you heard me, both of us)

so here's a thing, bonus only for tumblr🙂

“I put you two in that meeting to clear up any hard feelings,” Lucius stares dead-on at his screen. He tries very hard not to pinch the bridge of his nose—composure needs to be maintained. “It can’t have gone that poorly.”

“Time is a finite resource for us lowly mortals and I’m not getting that hour back,” Vivienne grits out. “A fucking PA—where does he get off on his high horse? I hope he explodes.”

What?

“—know how many people work here, Lucius? Let alone just my division? And you’re wasting everyone’s time with each dead-on-arrival concept that gets shuffled into our portfolio and then ‘mysteriously’ yanked when it’s just good enough to Frankenstein into whatever high school science project that’s hiding in some Gotham sewer tunnel.” Her tirade is caustic and not hidden behind the typical red lipstick smiles. “Morale is dipping. There’s only so much you can pay to keep mouths shut and stop turnover.”

Vivienne makes very good points—the fact she has the acumen even three years ago was why WanyeTech moved to fund her PhD and fast-tracked her as a technical director upon entering the workforce. She caught on very quickly—too quickly—that there were private uses of certain advanced concepts within R&D, and she cared. Fortunately for WayneTech, her diligence meant increase in efficiency for the company; they’ve won several bids that have extended their reach into two new industries.

(Fortunately, WayneTech is privately held and not subject to public shareholder scrutiny.)

Unfortunately for the Batman, it meant additional roadblocks for his tools and supplies. It was by God’s grace, or something, that Vivienne didn’t decide to either blackmail them or whistle-blow. What she argued for was more oversight and appropriate man-hours and billing for certain projects that went towards a ‘private use case.’ The willingness to help (out of logistical fury) took a load off Lucius’s shoulders, but it put two new headaches in his skull: one next to each ear every time Vivienne or Bruce complained about each other peripherally.

“Does His Dark Grace think he’s not subject to g-forces?”

“Lucius. I asked for four different configurations. It should be able to fit.”

“Love his idealism—of course we have the manufacturing tolerances of an ant colony!”

“This is over-redundant and unnecessary. It gets in the way of visibility. I need a design change by two weeks.”

...and so on, so forth. So Lucius decided to cut himself out as the middleman and make the two talk to each other. A direct stakeholder meeting to capture requirements and fulfill proposals, so to speak in company terms. As both Bruce’s long-standing friend and Vivienne’s superior for her tenure at the company, he’s in the unique position to see the similarities in their personalities and (perhaps foolishly) believed they would get along after candid discussion.

And somehow, it all went to hell in a hand basket. That’s probably on Lucius for forgetting that adults were equally susceptible to playground scrapping as his six-year-old son. Thankfully, there’s less physical dirt involved or impromptu weapons, even if Vivienne looks ready to rip her stiletto heels off to use as a real stiletto.

“Vi, what do you need me to give?” Lucius straightens and prepares to negotiate. The greatest vulnerability of adding good talent is having more people in the know. Loose ends. It’d be a blow to lose Vivienne, but as long as she doesn’t talk—

“He’s lucky he’s a net good,” she snarls, now pacing in front of his desk. “He’s fucking lucky city statistics are on his side.”

“Vivienne.”

She stops mid-rant. “What.”

“Are you terminating our agreement?”

Vivienne takes a few calming breaths before rearranging her stance into something more office-appropriate rather than riled up before taking part in an illicit cage match. “No, Chief Fox. I am not,” she answers with a placid smile, tone light and even.

“Then, what would make your life easier?” Lucius does understand that she’s doing them a huge favor at an equally huge cost from herself. There’s a lot of duties that are more effort and well-beyond what someone her pay grade should need to touch; the delicate situation requires her to be equal parts every role for end-to-end conceptual design to manufacturing.

When Lucius scouted Vivienne Yang from her undergrad in Gotham University, it was by chance—there were technical managers scouting and giving PR for various capstone projects, and he decided to tag along. There, as he was browsing various posters, is where he found her. The work done by her team wasn’t novel (just par for the course with undergraduate engineers), but it was the polish that caught his eye. A methodical approach to answering the prompts given by the capstone courses, justified scope, and structured analysis and design choices that made her team’s final concept (proposed electric car design) stand out. Their value proposition considered necessary support infrastructure and manufacturing as part of their considerations.

He called them ‘her team’ because it was clear that, despite being barely 5’6” with pointed choice of footwear and surrounded by young men over a head taller with the typical engineers’ mannerisms to boot, she called the shots. Oh, of course, her teammates contributed to the questions he asked (”Andy,” young-Vivienne barked, and Team Member Andy jumped in to answer about the drivetrain sizing), but she was the systems integrator.

This was the type of skill that took years to build—usually, years of practical experience on the job—and she had it as intuition. And when Lucius corrected certain assumptions on their design, she didn't take it personally but was instead able to promptly speculate how that would shift their design point.

Thus, he put out an immediate sponsorship for her to grab an advanced degree (or two), school of her choice, research topic to be approved by whatever technical manager in WayneTech that acted as her liaison, and would jump into a stable job with a salary and employee benefits other grad students could only dream of.

Landing something as prestigious as Director of Advanced Concepts, slated for Chief Technology Officer by her 30s, in a Fortune 500 company? Barring the fact that the work was based in Gotham, crime capital of the United States, it would be something like pure fantasy to any aspiring engineer.

She took the sponsorship offer, and Lucius learns over the years that she financially supports her family living out-of-state and genuinely enjoys the various industries that intersect within WayneTech’s R&D. She likes a job well done, is practical and professional (if not overly enthused) when defense-related bids come across their table, and disdains many of the big research or tech conglomerates that make the news for various crimes or “waste of brain cells and human effort.”

Her morals aren’t obvious, but Vivienne’s choice to support Lucius’s efforts to protect Bruce in his uphill crusade is her character vouching for the Batman, even if she dislikes the actual man behind the mask and his design requirements. That she considers it still of worth is something that Lucius needs to compensate her for.

Lord knows had Bruce actually gone through with that projectile design, he’d have already lost an eye. If Vivienne says his proposed ‘Batplane’ design will vibrate into smithereens, he’s inclined to trust her on that.

“I’m going to start calling him an idiot and vetoing stupid requirements,” Vivienne declares, one eyebrow raised like she’s daring him to object.

“You mean you haven’t been doing that already?”

“Lucius, I have been nothing but polite to him. You have the CCs,” she refutes, looking at him incredulously.

He’s not sure by whose standards her scathing emails can be considered ‘polite’, but of course she can be worse. He needs to smooth this out, redo the first meeting ASAP. His hairline can’t take more of this.

“Fine, alright. Just—let’s try to set up another discussion. I’ll attend this time.”

Vivienne actually snorts. “Guess I’m never beating the PA allegations.” She looks down at her watch. “Fuck. Should have just written you an angry email. How am I going to make it five blocks in ten minutes?” She mutters and just as suddenly as she invaded his office, she strides out with a distracted, “Okay thanks, I’ll continue this later.”

He’d rather she not, but it seems she’s sticking around the Wayne Enterprises HQ building to call into her upcoming meeting; he hears her requesting a fresh notepad, a hot cup of coffee, and a private conference room and everyone outside honors those requests immediately.

That’ll give Lucius about two hours to process Vivienne’s rant, track down Bruce for his side of the story, and figure out how to smooth things out. It shouldn’t be unreasonable.

His phone call to Bruce shatters his expectations.

“You called Director Yang my what?”

[preciousbarnes]

Remember Me

Chapter 1: Wiped

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Bucky is left completely changed from the man you married. A multi-part, on-going series.

Word Count: 1.2k

Tags/Warnings: Injuries, Discussion of Torture, Amnesia, Established Relationship, Angst, Hurt/Eventual Comfort.

You stood in the large hangar next to the ramp up to the quinjet, watching the others walking up and taking their seats, strapping themselves in and talking amongst themselves about the upcoming mission. You didn’t know much about the confidential mission since you were not accompanying them, since you were still recovering from an injury that happened during a training session. However, you could just sense it was a serious one; meaning a dangerous one. The whole team was serious, instead of joking and cutting up like usual. It worried you. While you watched the backs of all your team members, there was certainly one you always looked out for especially. Your husband, Bucky. You hated that you wouldn’t be there, and you knew you would be worried until he returned to you.

A smile graced your face as he walked towards you carrying his go-bag, an old duffle bag. He stopped in front of you, setting the bag down to take you into his arms, kissing you on the lips firmly before pulling back to rest his forehead on yours.

“Be safe. You better come back to me in one piece, Barnes,” You tell him sternly, making him chuckle.

“I will, and I always do, Mrs. Barnes,” His deep voice assures you, quieting your fears temporarily. His promise will quiet the nagging fear in your head for a short time, no doubt destined to return later once you find yourself alone in your apartment without him tonight.

You give him a tight hug before he reaches down to pick up his duffle, giving you a reassuring smile before he jogs up the ramp and into the quinjet, it's engines whirling to life.

You stand at the sidelines, watching as the jet lifts off and hovering for a moment before it flys off to their destination, it carrying your whole world away from you while you just prayed to any god that would listen to bring him back home to you safely.

That night you found yourself curled up on the couch with your favorite book, Alpine purring on your lap, kneading your thighs with her paws ever so gently. Lost in the imaginary world held within the novel in your hands, you and Alpine are startled when your phone suddenly loudly rings from it's place on the coffee table in front of you.

You slide your bookmark in the book to save your spot, picking up your phone, surprised when you see who is calling. It was Bucky.

You answer the phone, pressing it to your ear.

“Hey, honey” you excitedly say, always happy to hear from your husband while he is away.

“Hey, sunshine, it’s Steve,” The captain says, sounding exhausted and every bit his age.

“Steve? Where’s Bucky, why are you calling with his phone?” You ask, confused.

“Listen, you need to get to the compound. We got just back,” He tells you quickly, confusing you even more, and you wondered what the beeping was that you could hear in the background.

“What? I thought Bucky was getting a ride with you? Got a hot date, cap?” You joke, rising to your feet and walking over to grab your shoes.

“Sweetheart, it’s Bucky. He’s hurt. Bad. You need to get here, ASAP. We’re going to send someone to get you, I don’t want you worried and driving,” He tells you.

That’s what the beeping was. Medical equipment. The noise you heard was a heart monitor. You suddenly feel faint, knees buckling as you plop back down on the couch, shoes falling from your hands and hitting the floor.

“S-steve. He’s alive, right?” You ask brokenly, needing to know if you had lost your whole world.

“Yes, he’s alive, but he’s not okay right now. They’re telling me your ride is about two minutes out, they’ll get you here safely,” He assures you.

“Is someone with him right now? I don’t want him alone until I get there,” You tell him, voice breaking.

“Yes, sweetheart, we’re all here with him, and you will be soon,” He assures you, while still clearly worried about his best friend.

You say a quiet ‘okay’, before telling him that you’d be there soon, hanging up. You felt like ice was running through your veins as you put on your shoes quietly. You numbly rose to your feet, walking out to where you heard the sound of a car pulling up for you.

The ride over was fast but quiet, the agent driving using their lights and sirens on the vehicle to speed back to the compound where the team, including your apparently injured husband was. The urgency in their driving scared you even more. He must have been bad. You found yourself fiddling with the ring on your left hand, your wedding ring, as the worst case scenarios played in your head.

Steve was standing outside when you arrived, security lights illuminating his figure in the dark. As you exited the car, he moved to quickly usher you inside. You walked down the main corridor and towards the medical unit quickly, until Steve suddenly and gently grasped your hand, stopping you before you reached the sliding doors into the med bay.

“Sunshine, I need to prepare you, before you see him,” He tells you solemnly.

You drily swallow before nodding, understanding that it would be best for Bucky if you were prepared beforehand. You felt eerily calm, probably from the shock of it all, your brain conveniently told you.

“How bad, Steve?” You ask, not even recognizing your own voice. It sounded dark and gravely to your ears.

“Physically, he looks fine. It’s his mind,” He tells you, trying to gently break the news.

“How bad?” You repeat, making him sigh and look down at his feet before he gets closer to you, locking eyes with you again.

“We were investigating a new underground sect, that we thought may have connections of Hydra. We were right. Bucky and I rushed in. They drugged me with something, we don’t know what it was but it was very effective in knocking me out. They wanted their Winter Soldier back,” He explains.

“Steve, tell me what happened to my husband!” You loudly say, getting looks from some agents who were walking past. You give them a glare, daring them to say something. The quickly avert their eyes and speed walk down the hall.

“They used the Memory Suppressing Machine on him, they attempted wipe him” He tells you, breaking the news that effectively broke your heart.

Would he remember you? Would he even know you? Would the Winter Soldier be back? You opened your mouth to ask these questions, but no sound came out.

“W-what?” was all you could manage to get out, feeling tears come to your eyes.

Seeing your broken expression, Steve hugged you, resting his head on top of yours.

“He’s still unconscious, we don’t know what it wiped yet, if anything at all. Even though he’s out, I knew you’d want to be here. We have the best doctors, including Dr. Banner at the ready. Tony and him are looking through files and studies right now as we speak. We will fix this, sunshine,” He tells you.

You pull back from the friendly embrace, give him a broken smile despite yourself.

“Don’t make promises you aren’t sure you can keep, Cap,” you tell him softly, before walking through the sliding doors in to see your husband, most likely a ghost of the man you had come to know and love.

[brineffxiv]

I arrive on the Moon.

Emet-Selch's voice informs me that this is where Zodiark is imprisoned (and reminds me that both of our star's moons were prisons for gods. WTF, did the Allagans know He was here?) and where the souls of those sacrificed to give Him life still slumber.

Uh... speaking of??? That's an Ancient.

There's a disembodied voice calling to me. Is it that person?

They spawn anguish monsters when I interact with them, and disappear when I go to touch them. The disembodied voice tells me not to do that, a little bit late...

Somehow I failed to notice this palace(?) immediately.

Hey look, that aetheryte is in the style of the ones from Amaurot! I wonder...

Oh. Oh my. Hello.

Are you like the shades from Emet-Selch's Amaurot? A memory? Or are you a completely different kind of arcane construct that just happens to resemble them?

Wait, I missed that first part.

Hydaelyn created the moon?!

Holy shit.

So our star has no natural satellites. This moon was created to imprison Zodiark.

On the topic of Zodiark, I am having difficulty parsing what I'm looking at exactly. I'm seeing... Man, I don't know. Wings, horns, big beefy arms? He's got a superficial resemblance to the trial boss Sephirot from the Warring Triad.

That's only a projection of the real thing, ensconced in the core of the moon.

There are six brands that bind Zodiark in his prison; five were broken in Fandaniel's attempted jailbreak. The Watcher has managed to repair one of them, and is working on the other four. But his attempts are being stymied...

By the souls of those sacrificed to summon Zodiark.

These... These are the people Emet-Selch wanted to save. To free. These are the people I condemned to a purgatory eternal by slaying him. These are the people who willingly gave their lives in the hope that their brethren could save their future.

The Watcher wants me to "expel" them. What does expelling them mean?

I... No. Please don't ask me to do that. I've already taken their hope. I cannot take any more from them.

Okay. That. That I can do.

The spirits are so fragile, so little left of them, that simply taking to them causes them to dissipate.

I am crying again.

Oh! Oh it's a dog! A sparkly dog! Hello puppy.

The dog leads me across the surface of Mare Lamentorum, from one brand to another, and on to more spirits. They all dissipate after saying their piece. Giving voice to their laments.

Until, quite suddenly, they don't. And there are more and more of them.

But someone...?

Saves me?

Hythlodaus?! Hythlodaeus!!

The real Hythlodaeus!

If you weren't a ghost I would hug you!

Ah! It's like meeting an old friend! It is meeting an old friend. Just like that, you confirm I am Azem's reincarnation. A question I'd had since your shade first handed me the constellation crystal.

But how?! The others, they're not... they're not "themselves"! How are you you?!

You. You... N. No. Why are you here...

You were sacrificed to Zodiark.

...And just like that, I understand Emet-Selch's pain, his drive, anew. To know that Hythlodaeus is... was? One of the souls trapped with Zodiark. Suddenly I can understand it, on a personal level. And he, Emet, he knew all of them. He knew them well enough to build an entire city populated with their souls. Knew Hythlodaeus well enough that meeting the real man is nearly indistinguishable from the shade.

On that topic...

Hythlodaus is adorable. He seems... happy. To find that the Emet-Selch he once knew had not changed, fundamentally, in all this time.

I must contrast that with the shade Emet-Selch had created, who seemed to think that while they were once close, they were no longer? I wonder if that was a projection of Emet's own subconscious dread that Hythlodaeus would dislike the person he had become?

That's fanfic fodder is what that is. God dammit why are you both dead?? I'm sad now.

Hythlodaeus tells me about what his time was like as a shade. How they know and remember all that had happened between their sacrifice and Zodiark's ultimate imprisonment. They know of the sundering and-

OMG.

You're not sundered, are you, Hythlodaus? No, you can't be. You wouldn't be you if you had been. Did being sacrificed to Zodiark ultimately save you from the sundering?! That's incredible.

Oh. Oh, Hythlodaeus, you don't know what that means to me.

Our lovely little chat is interrupted by the shattering of one of the two remaining brands. Hythlodaus identifies the two souls as Fandaniel and one he does not know, but who is "an unfamiliar but fearsome being." He promises to ensure that the shades will no longer hinder me by way of apology for keeping me from my duty, and urges me to protect the final brand.

The lustrous dog returns, and I ride it to the last brand...

But I am too late.

Fandaniel waxes poetic about Zodiark's power and potential; pointing out that without Elidibus, Zodiark has neither heart or will to guide Him. Which I hadn't considered. Elidibus was Zodiark. What's left down there... is a mindless being of pure power.

(Whoa, hey, wait. Does this mean... Because, Elidibus was already out of Zodiark when the sundering happened... Hydaelyn didn't actually have to fight a thinking being, She took advantage of Elidibus' absence! She didn't win a fair fight... That makes so much sense. I wondered how the most powerful primal, fueled by half-a-city's worth of lives, could lose to a primal fueled by a dozen or so. But the lights were on with no one home...)

Zenos is more to the point and challenges me to battle. We're about to beat the stuffing out of each other when Fandaniel third-wheel's his way in with an interruption: he's got something to say.

And then he lets himself fall backwards, into the gaping hole in the ground that leads to Zodiark.

Oh. Fuck.

Haha... he just sniped Zodiark out from under Zenos... And now we're in big trouble.

I am alone in the darkness with the collective will of the ancients. They are speaking their purpose to me.

And Fandaniel is suppressing and overruling them.

He is subverting their purpose.

He is hurting them!

I know what I must do.

Who? An ancient, I would guess, but I don't recognize that voice...

I don't think I know him? But...

He's talking to Hades! He's talking to Emet-Selch!

...Hythlodaeus?

Maybe?

Whoever he is, he dissolves into sparkly blue particles and floats away. A mystery for another time.

Oh wow. Hi Zodiark.

[melishade]

In the beloved timeline, we're at the part where the warriors leave, right? So next comes finding the Neutral Ship and then the whole overthrowing the government arc. There's no way Elita-1 will sit back while her man's out doing who knows what with his sworn enemy. What would her part in this be? Also, your version of Optimus and Elita give me Millie and Moxxie vibes.

Previous Episode of the Beloved Timeline AKA Megatron getting fucking wrecked!

Say my name Grieving Soft shit

Elita?! Sitting out?! Absolutely fucking not!

Look, she had to miss out on the remainder of the war because of what happened on Cybertron, and has been stranded on the AOT world for 20+ years. She is not going to miss out on another conflict where innocent people could suffer (which is definitely not her trying to overcompensate for her absence in the war), she not going to leave her Conjux Endura behind, and she's definitely not going to let Buckethead do whatever the hell he wants!

There are...a few issues unfortunately.

See, Elita wants to see if maybe she could see something on the mainland. Marley doesn't know anything about her, maybe she could spy on Marley for Paradis. But the first part of that issue would require Megatron to take her to the mainland.

Elita pulling out her sword, causing Megatron to take a step back.

Hanji: Oh my god, Elita, keep your murder boner in your pants.

Levi: And if you are going to murder him, do it over the ocean. Less clean up and they won't find his body for a while.

Hanji: Levi!

Megatron: You'll be stuck down there with me.

Elita giving an unsettling grin: Only for a moment.

Optimus has to address them both that they need to stop and to not antagonize each other.

Megatron: I'm trying to stay away from her!

Optimus deadpanning: I am saying this from experience.

Megatron:...fair point.

Optimus: Elita, put the sword away.

Elita glaring at Megatron.

Optimus: Elita.

Elita narrowing her optics as she slowly puts it back on her back.

So once that is addressed, hopefully but unlikely, Elita needs to update her alt mode. She can camouflage her colors just fine, (as proven in RID2015, don't like the show, just some aspects of it), but her vehicle mode is too futuristic. Hanji thinks that it can't be that bad, but Elita just transforms and she's a fucking hovering car. Hanji's completely distracted now, placing her hand in and out in between Elita's hovering wheel and the ground. At one point she just starts rolling under her, giggling like a little kid. So Elita needs to update her alt mode to this time period.

Three, she doesn't have a holoform, and neither Optimus nor Megatron know how to really install it themselves.

Elita: Why do you have one?!

Megatron: Soundwave! Deal with it!

So if Elita wants to help out on the mainland, she and Megatron...have to work together.

Elita:...Is killing him over the ocean still an option?

Hanji: NO!

Levi: Please do!

Hanji: Stop antagonizing!

So once Megatron scopes out the area and finds an area where Elita can find an alt mode to scan without being seen. Megatron has to take her to the warehouse, with Hanji deciding to go with them. Because both are people Optimus cares about, and she can't handle Optimus being upset! So the two of them are going to tolerate each other or else someone's losing a T-Cog!

So they end up going to the warehouse in Marley and its a pretty tense ride to there. Elita looks at the vehicles and picks one that just looks like this:

It's one of the newer models of this time period, but still old and primitive compared to Cybertronian standards. She can still drive extremely fast, the internal components haven't changed, and the windows are tinted. It's still not a model she's entirely comfortable with but it'll do for now. Hanji says that they should head back to the island, but Elita states that she'll start her mission right now and drives off. Megatron's relieved she's gone, but Hanji immediately turns to Megatron demanding some gratitude out of him.

Hanji: I am trying everything that I can to make sure that she doesn't kill you, so I better hear a fucking 'thank you' out of you or else I'm just gonna let her do whatever the hell she wants to you! And I am very eager to see a repeat of what happened last time!

Megatron quietly grumbling:...thank you.

Hanji: What was that?!

Megatron: THANK YOU!

Hanji: YOU'RE WELCOME! LET'S GO HOME!

So now Elita's scouting out other parts of Marley in her new alt mode while Megatron is dealing with the situation in Liberio. A few thing:

-Elita does come back to the island on a monthly basis with Megatron. Hanji has to be with them at all times so they don't kill each other.

-Optimus and Elita have to start managing a long distance relationship. Optimus walks her through some of the human customs that might translate over from Earth while Elita is pretty excited to talk about the sights she's seeing since she's been on the island for so long. Although, Elita's not too happy about the discrimination the Eldians on the mainland go through. She expresses her displeasure at the situation.

-When Elita does come back to the island, she and Optimus are literally spending their time catching up and being in each other's company. The Survey Corps can't help but notice the way Optimus lights up around her.

-Zeke, Yelena, and the Restorationists have no idea that Elita exists and they intentionally keep it that way because they don't trust them yet, and this does allow Elita to spy on them and gather information. Like she did with the Quintessions.

(I probably should write Elita having interactions with the Survey Corps to see why Optimus cares about them so much. Like how Eren feels about her, but that's for another day. And yeah I guess it could be Moxxie and Millie vibes.)

Also Hanji with Megatron and Elita:

[prue84]

Warren Worthingon III headcanons – The women

Further headcanons. In this part, a reflection of Warren’s most significant loves in a 5+1 parts format ficlet. Krakoa-canon compliant, up to the date of the posting.

Part I | Part II: romantic life | Part III: more powers | Part IV: his women

Under the read more so I can easily make small fixes or add anything. I don’t plan to update it, should Marvel remember that Warren is an A-character and (gods save us!) pair Warren with someone new, but never say never. (Posted also on AO3 and SquidgeWorld if you prefer that format - links under the read more)

1. Jean Grey, the what if

Jean is his first everything. The first girl he felt mature love for. The first to not fall for him. The first to like - and hate - him for what he is (was), behind the looks or wealth. The first to offer him pure, disinterested friendship. She is the reason why he strove to become a better person, why he learned to be less self-centered. She’s the drive that made him grow up.

Jean is... Jean. How can someone describe the complexity and paradox that is Jean Grey? Fire and water, life and death, weakness and strength, omega powers and humbleness. Far from perfection and yet elected as the role model from a whole community, painted as a saint, but fierce as a demon. The soul of the X-Men, the star that lit their path even from dead. The woman who was offered the cosmos, who held galaxies in her hand and nursed timelines back to life, but chose to stay earthbound. The woman who was offered ascension to more than mere godhood but chose to stay mortal. The woman who said no to a force older than the universe itself that wished to be one with her. But Warren met Jean when she was none of this, when she still was a girl trying to find her place in the world and eager to prove that she could be a power to reckon with.

Jean is his first love. He had his flings before a pair of wings sprouted from his back and changed his life forever. He never lacked flocks of girls who threw themselves his way. He could name a few, but he would eventually forget some. His looks, his status, his success in any sport he decided to apply himself - girls were eager to be with him. He was a self-centered teenager who knew he was beautiful - he felt it natural, it felt it was his right, to have beautiful girls fight for his attention. And he may have liked them, but with none of them he pretended there was more than mere attraction. Again, teenage flings. Never he had applied to himself the term lovestruck until Jean Grey came into his life.

Sure, when she arrived at the Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, the only girl in a class of four boys, it wasn’t love. She was beautiful, she was smart, she was witty. An eye-catcher that hid a brilliant mind under a head full of red hair. Unbothered by her being the only girl, amused by the way they all flocked around her in a race to impress her. Love was the last thing that buzzed in his mind, back then.

But then somehow it happened. Sexual attraction softened, morphed into genuine interest and then more. As they went from teens to adults, as he grew from boy to man, his feelings for Jean changed as well. The easier years. Before the Phoenix, before Apocalypse. When the very idea of a second class at the school was distant. When they still felt but a tight group of five adults who had known each other since forever, when the idea of splitting up was unbearable, when they still felt nothing could break them up, that they would never go separate ways - that somehow they would all find their place in the world but find themselves together at night, and eventually grow old but always together.

Jean has always been a woman who made her interest known. She didn’t play hard to catch. She didn’t wait for a man to court her - she didn’t want it either. When Scott tip-toed around her, she reached out, making her own feelings clear but, at the same time, waiting for him to come at his own pace. And Warren stood on the sideline. Aware that he would always be the third wheel. It was hard for him, to back down - it was the first time for him, a lesson to be learned.

For years he felt the second best. The one Jean would chose, should Scott be unavailable - the one she would turn to, should Scott would loose his mind and turn her down. The one she would've picked had Scott never tried so hard to hide his interest. The man she would marry, had Scott backed down. Perhaps something did happen between them, when Jean returned, when Scott was torn between the love for the woman he always wanted and duty toward the wife he built a family with, when Jean felt rejected by the man she expected to marry. There was an underlying current. And if only Candy wasn’t there, if only Scott... Many ifs.

Now he knows better, though, Now he knows that spot in Jean’s heart belongs to Logan. There is no need to to see them share intimacy to understand that Logan has a place in Jean’s life that he’ll never have. Too different from Scott to appeal to her when they were barely adults thrown in a world that would spit them out, too similar to appeal the her wilder side, the one that burns with fiery and feral passion.

He doesn’t care. He accepted long time ago that Jean was never meant to be at his side as lover. Jean was meant to be at his side as a friend. Jean is his best friend. One of the few Warren ever allowed in his discreet life. One of the few privy to his secrets, one of the few that he shares his thoughts with. Together they are two fifth of the First Class, the originals. And each of them has a special place in each other’s life. But Jean will always come first. He likes to think he’s her best friend too. She’s full of friends to rely on, fellow X-Women she searches for a comforting hug or ask out for a date if she needs to take her mind off things, but he’s her oldest, the one she’ll find whenever she feels to share her mind about some private matter. If she needs to vent about Scott, he’s the first she goes to. Bittersweet. But Warren feels himself honored to be that person for Jean.

And yes, he might’ve been happy with Jean at his side. And he would’ve made sure to make her happy. He would’ve never made the same mistakes Scott did - he would’ve never jumped into a relationship with a Jean look-alike after burying her, he would’ve never jumped into Emma Frost’s arms with Jean sleeping every night beside him, breathing and gloriously alive. But the ship is long sailed - or, to be more accurate, never existed to start with.

He wouldn’t trade their friendship for any timeline in which they eventually got together. If one of the eternal beings that rule the Omniverse came to him with an offer to live a life where Jean chose him over Scott, he wouldn’t accept. Sure, he’d be tempted, but in the end he would refuse. Loyal friends, especially the kind like Jean’s, are harder to come by than potential lovers or wives. But he can’t deny at, at times, he wonders how different his life could’ve been, had Jean that faithful first day picked him instead of Scott.

*

2. Candace Southern, the wife that’ll never be

Candy was his real first love. They’d been childhood friends, they dated, on and off while he tried to juggle between his vapid, rich disguise and his secret identity as X-Man. Her unintentional involvement during the first tragedy of his life, the murder of his father, had him cast her out of his life, her presence and closeness during the second tragedy, the death of his mother, cemented her place at his side. Outside of the X-Men, she’s the first, since he debuted in the public as the Avenging Angel, to discover his secret mutation, the first to accept whom he really is without the need to have a mutant gene herself. Not only she accepted it, but embraced his uniqueness. Brave and reckless, she’s the first human ally the X-Men earn - unbothered by the secret, immediately ready to throw herself in the fray to protect them.

She was there when they all believed Charles Xavier had died, and they were left to face the world alone, deprived of the guidance of their patron. She was there when he met the new recruits, mutants who could fly on top of having other abilities, and he suddenly felt outdated, when he felt he could be discarded. She was there when the two classes tried to accommodate each other in the school, and Warren felt redundant. She was there when the first class disbanded to let the second class step in, and Warren felt adrift. She was there when, without the X-Men to take up his life, he found himself with too much time to fill. She was there when, with the first class scattered around, he had to relearn what privacy meant, with no shared bathrooms or nosy roommates. She was there when he suddenly found himself richer than he ever though he could be, with no idea how to manage such a scary inheritance all by himself.

Theirs have been a strong relationship, friends, partners. She was her right-man(right-woman), the brilliant business leader whom he could entrust his own fortune while he soared high, tailing any villain that threatened the world. Same background, same approach to life, both willing to enjoy life at its fullest and never shy about embracing the perks of their upbringing. Candy not only accepted his mutant status but embraced it, with everything it entailed - dangers included. Eager to be part of his world, she plunged headlong in his adventures, never backing down, never asking him to stop. No matter the dangers they both faced, she never requested he choose between her or his lifestyle. Despite everything that happened to him (Heather’s mental manipulations, his blindness, the tragedies), her time as team leader for the Defenders it’s perhaps the best time in which Warren managed to have his private and mutant life to coexist. If only he hadn’t been too young, too self-absorbed, too busy being the high-flying angel to consider to keep his feet on the ground... if he hadn’t been turned upside-down by Jean’s return and the conflicting feelings such miracle brought in his heart, he would’ve asked her to marry him. Candy would’ve been the perfect woman to be forever at his side. In a world where being the lover of a mutant doesn’t make you a target, in which non-mutants aren’t doomed to die between the arms of their mutant partner, Candy would’ve been the right woman to grow old with.

Too much went wrong with her, his life went downhill since that day she walked out of him. A part of him at times wonders how his life would've been if he had been given the chance to explain, to reassure Candy that there was no reason to be jealous of Jean, that his heart, for how disoriented and conflicted, in the end belonged to Candy. If only he sat down with Candy and explained her his heart tribulations, if only he had been honest with her since the beginning of the X-Factor project... If Candy had been there, she would've noticed Hodge's machinations before it was too late. She was always the more perceptive of the two. Who can say how different things would unfold, with her alive and at his side.

Her loss is a scar. The wound has healed, he can think back to her and not cry. He isn’t scared anymore by the photos of her he stashed away when it felt too hard for him to see them. But the scar will never vanish, and her name is forever branded on his heart. A part of him will forever belong to Candy. His innocence, the carefree Warren Worthington III who felt entitled to own the whole world in his hand, is gone with her and forever belongs to her. It feels just right that he fell from the skies the same day he lost her, that he fell into Hell the day she stormed out of his life forever.

Does he hate that death doesn’t work on criminals, that death can’t keep Hodge, but Candy will never return? Yes. Does he hate that killers and mass-murderers can be brought back to life thanks to the resurrection protocols while Candy will never be able to return? Yes. That he was regenerated and kept alive even when he was killed and meant to die? Yes. But Candy was no mutant, and for humans death is final - she’s forever gone. And perhaps it’s best she stays that way. It’s best that she rests in peace, with no one ever having the ability to twist and manipulate her like it happens to them mutants, who can’t achieve peace even in death. She was returned to him once, a pawn to strike him, a weapon to hurt him. It was enough. Besides, she wouldn’t like the Warren he has become. She would never accept the brutality, the violence he employs. She would never find in herself any reason to stay with him, after seeing - knowing - Archangel and what he entails. She would be disgusted, horrified, by the things he did, by the blood on his wings. Better she rests, never to be condemned to the knowledge that the man she loved has fallen from heaven, that he’s become a bringer of death.

Somewhere, in the thousands of timelines out there, there must be an alternate Earth in which Candy never doubted of his love, Jean’s presence didn’t come between them, and Hodge never betrayed them. Or an Earth in which he never jumped on the X-Factor project, where he didn’t listen to Hodge’s idea. Where Jean never met the Phoenix and died, or survived and retired in marriage with Scott, or Hodge died in a car accident before plotting his betrayal. Somewhere, there must be a Warren Worthington who had the chance to live his life with Candy to the very end. At times he finds himself wishing to search for it, to explore all the realities out there, to become an Exile and jump from timeline to timeline, just to know that there’s a Warren out there who is truly happy.

*

3. Charlotte Jones, the regret

Charlotte is a stain, something he's ashamed for and will forever be ashamed for. Not for her, never for her - but for him, because everything was his fault. He was in a bad place back then and not really himself, Charlotte was a life jacket, an hand held out, an offer. Someone who saw the angel behind the monster. Someone who was willing to accept that new Warren, unlike all his friends who just wanted the old Warren back.

She helped. Scraps, morsel of a real life. A woman different from Candy. Gruff, not born of rich, used to work hard to get by, an everyday warrior. A punch from reality for the wealthy privileged white boy who never got to know the hardship of the everyday life for those who can’t fly high and see everything from the sky. Her closeness allowed him to find back the man he thought Apocalypse killed, her patience to work out his mood issues. She saved him - more than she could ever think.

He had come to love little Timmy. Seeing him fight against his own condition was an example for him to fight back Apocalypse’s manipulations, an example to learn to accept his new self - the blue skin, the metallic wings that felt estranged to him like an artificial limb he rejected.

But, in the end, Charlotte was just a police officer. And he needed more. The high flying Archangel soared between goddesses and omega mutants, how could he stay earthbound? She had her own issues, and couldn’t hold his own burdens as well. His depression, his moods. It was too much.

She was never asked if she wanted to take that burden, though - he just drifted away, closing himself off, facing his own inner demons and forgetting everyone else. She tried. She reached out for as long as she could. But at some point she gave up, unwilling to forever yap at his leg for a morsel of attention from the man she though was her boyfriend. A relationship can work only if both the parties care and fight for it, and Warren soon lost the will to fight. Ghosting Charlotte was the easiest way, for an angel that felt too blue to embrace happiness.

He still feels bad for how it ended, for how he vanished on her instead of manning up and break up vis-a-vis. He would like to cling to excuses, to blame the hectic life of an X-Men, to hide behind Magneto and the Phalanx and every other thing that happened, every danger that fell on them. But the truth is that he wasn’t in the right mind to care for his romantic life, he was just tired of everything and he barely held himself together as an X-Men. He still feels bad. But he can't change his past. They met a couple of times. She was closed off and annoyed they happened in the same place. She has every right to clam up and get rude to him. He was an asshole, he deserved to be treated as one. He will never fault Charlotte for not forgiving him.

He wonders how Timmy is doing. He wished he could help him, be the silent patron that tends to his needs, to pay for his tuition. But Charlotte would never allow him. When he vanished, he vanished on Timmy too after all. He had been tempted, though. To fly to the block where she lives, find a good spot on a near roof and wait for Timmy to walk on the street below, to make sure he’s fine and he still has that bright smile on his face. But he doesn’t feel like handling that rejection, the risk of Timmy raising his head and see the man perched like a hawk to check on him. He likes to think back to Timmy as the boy he left the last time he opened his wings and took flight from Charlotte’s window. Besides, Charlotte would come to have his ass, should he show up to Timmy out of the blue.

He learned from that mistake though: he broke up with Betsy as soon as he understood their relationship was stagnating, before they would eventually drift apart.

*

4. Paige Guthrie, the mistake

Paige is... Well. Let's say he was hurting and confused. Very very confused. He's not one to repudiate the past, for everything that happened to him - good or bad - is what made him the man he is. For all the things he would erase, there are worse things than a wrong relationship that was started on the wrong premises. They fell for each other and so be it. Although, nowadays, he can't understand how that even happened. They really were too much different. In any other moment of his life it would've never happened. But he was mourning Betsy, in a time when death was forever. And Paige was there, reaching out, willing to help him and ready to stomp her feet on the ground and force-pull him out of the self-pity mood he was wallowing in. And Paige too, she was in no good place. Rebounding off her failed romance with Starsmore, perhaps she thought that with someone older than her things would be different, that she wouldn’t be forced to be with someone who kept self-sabotaging his love life. She took a look at him and thought he was different, that the only Original who was public and proud about his mutation would be the farthest from a Gen-X whose mutation took out half of his face and chest.

Not to say they didn’t have a good time, while it lasted. But, why. He didn’t act like himself, or perhaps not like the himself he had been since that moment. In a way, with Paige he was back to be the first Warren, the teenager - the Warren before the tragedies that forever marred his sunny nature. The Warren of the First Class - before Candy, before his uncle, before everything. He acted immature, he didn’t act like the responsible adult one would expect from someone who is a founder of the X-Men and a businessman who sits on a multi-bilionaire fortune, runs a Fortune 100 company and is stockholder in too many places for him to even remember.

Only when he was at his lowest, memory-less and naive, he had stopped as low. Sex in the sky right above Lucinda Guthrie’s nose? What the hell was he thinking? This is something sixteen-years-old Warren would do, what the pre-mutant socialite would do - not [twenty/third-something-I-hate-you-timescale] Worthington!

He got much flack from Bobby because of this, but even someone who knew him as much as Bobby admitted he was different with Paige, younger - an attitude that had been stripped out of him by Apocalypse. Perhaps this is why nobody stepped in, why none of his oldest friends planned an intervention to save him from embarrassing himself. Why, other than Bobby’s jabs, he was left alone.

Paige did make him feel younger and carefree, in a way that he had forgotten. And for that, he should be grateful to her. But he was no more a teenager, and he should’ve been more mature than that. More mature than giving in. He should’ve stuck to his role of First Class and team leader to Paige’s Generation X, two different generations, too much age difference. With hindsight, he should’ve listened to Stacy X. He owes Miranda an apology: she said those things because she wanted to get into his pants, sure - still, she was right. All in all, it was a phase that didn't last much and he won't talk about it.

He might be embarrassed about how he acted, but Paige doesn’t deserve ill feelings. She was there when he unknowingly needed someone like her, after all, and never shied away. Fought for what she wanted, when he was playing hard to catch and clinging to what he felt was ethically right to do (which was not make a move on Paige) - and he must give it to her, the girl is a warrior.

When they eventually drifted apart, they did so in good ways. There’s no avoided glances and stunned silences if they are assigned to the same team, there is the right amount of closeness and camaraderie one would expect from fellow X-Men. They don’t greet each other with kisses nor they hug after a tragedy, but he is a private person and he isn’t big on gestures - but, should she need a hug, he wouldn’t shy away, and she would do the same for him. He couldn’t ask no more, for a relationship that had been an error from his part.

*

5. Elizabeth Braddock, the other half

Elizabeth is and will always be his soulmate. He might feel silly to say it aloud, and he likely will never admit it even in the privacy of his mind, but deep inside he knows it.

Both born privileged, both proud of their mutation, both magazine material, both striking handsome. If someone had to come up with a more perfect pair, they couldn’t draw one better assorted than them. White or blue, Asian or English, it doesn’t matter. They would be the pet of gossip, guest to the best glamorous events, they could be the king and queen of New York if only they wanted. If only they weren’t mutants, actually. Or, at least, if their affiliation to the X-Men and mutants weren’t public - or if people were enamored with mutants as they are with the Avengers and the Fantastic Four or anyone else on the side of angels who has superpowers and isn’t named Spider-Man.

Both manipulated by others.

But Betsy has always been the strongest of the two. Where he reacted to what Apocalypse did with gloom, by turning depressed and introverted, by wallowing in self-pity or venting his rage on himself, she reacted to each manipulation by getting more determined and hard, by not letting the pain drag her down, by focusing that rage in her moves, using it to strengthen her tk knife. For months, after he returned into the X-Factor fold, he fought his metal wings, he rejected their power, he avoided mirrors for the fear of meeting his own blue reflection, he pretended that Warren Worthington was no more, dead like his wings. She, after regaining control of her mind and back to the X-Men, immediately made use of her acquired ninja abilities and adapted her mutant powers to efficiently use them in conjunction with the new fighting skills, turning an already deadly body into an even more deadly warrior. And she accepted the differences in her body, she focused on what good it came with, she didn’t clung to what she lost. Unlike him, who had to break one heart, watch her dead girlfriend die again between his arms and be kicked in the face by his best friend, before understanding that he had to reclaim his whole life and accept that it didn’t matter the hue of his skin or the metal protruding out of his shoulders where feathers once had been - that Warren Worthington III, the High Flying Angel, was still down there, even if he now soared on metal wings.

Together they faced everything. They endured and survived, they died and resurrected. Always bouncing back to each other. As if some uncanny force bound them together. They hurt each other, every time. Unwilling. Forced by the events, forced by others. They aren't good for each other, because they indulge and worsen each other's addictions. They're good for each other, because they are the other’s rock. Forces like death, time, mystical powers and Apocalypse didn’t manage to keep them apart; stress, different attitudes, different goals and stagnation did.

Betsy isn’t a woman to settle down. She constantly needs excitement, she needs to live life at its fullest. She craves for the adrenaline that fights pump in her vein, she needs to always be at the center of the field. Ninja or mutant, she doesn’t bode well with monotony. He’d sign any contract that granted him a quiet life in which to enjoy his money, soar the sky and retire in the night to sleep near the woman he loves. He always returns to the X-Men, no matter how many times he promises himself that this is the last time, that this is the final retirement. But she can’t stay away from adventure - if the X-Men disbanded and mutants suddenly had no more enemies, she would find other ways, other teams, other allies and foes. She would hop literally to other worlds and times. Not even death managed to force her to stay put and rest. Not even Krakoa managed to make her stop and rest.

And then Archangel, the dark shadow he carries within himself came. He, the one who rejects and fights Betsy, the only one who stands between them. The reason why she twice returned to him, the reason why she leaves everything to fight his own battle, to protect the Angel from the Archangel in Archangel’s never-ending battle for supremacy over the man Warren Worthingon. And eventually he won. He didn’t manage to break them apart the first time, he drew them closer. He didn’t manage to break them apart the second time, when Betsy lied with the enemy in order to get to him. He didn’t manage to break them apart the third time, when it were His wings that saved her from being consumed by the darkness of the Shadow King. But He got his revenge, Archangel won the very moment Warren found a way to get rid of Him. And Betsy had to call forth Archangel to save Angel from himself - and the whole world with him.

They have drifted apart now. They didn’t break up, not like other people do. One day they were besotted with each other, happier than ever, an English woman finally back in her own original body and a smitten bird eager to get to know a woman finally complete. The next Nate Grey came and turned their own little world upside down. And then, Krakoa. As he said, he eventually bounces back to the X-Men and she can’t stay away from the field. If only they’d staid in Colorado, if they haven’t returned to the fold... would their history be different, then? Would they be part of the few that Nate left behind, to pick up the pieces in a world where suddenly all mutants where considered dead and gone? Who knows. But they didn’t. They were on the front line. He switched sides. She used her tk knife to force him back to her. He shouted to her, he reluctantly helped the X-Men. And then. Then, they both got sucked in that twisted utopia, and they never recovered from that. And now they’re strangers. They barely exchange glances when they’re in the same place, they barely nod each other in greeting before parting ways again, each headed to their own way. They never stop and talk to each other - there's never the chance. They don't know how. Too much was done to them, too many changes. It’s like a wall has been build between them while they were too busy to notice, and they both don’t seem interested in tearing it down. Or perhaps it’s just that they don’t know. Or perhaps they are scared to see what awaits on the other side.

It’s like a lifetime has passed by since the last time they were close, and now they’ve become two different people - gone are the X-Woman who fought with tk weapons and the X-Man who patrolled the skies. He traded his uniform for high-fashion suits, and she traded her trademark pinks for the Union Jack colors. He put aside his mutant abilities to use what is in his blood instead, she stripped of her very mutant name to build herself another identity. He left the aerial fights for the equally brutal economic battlefields, she this Earth for the Omniverse. They have become strangers now - the CXO and the Captain Britain, the man with the duty to keep X-Corp floating and Monet in check, and the woman in charge with the security of Otherworld saddled with the overbearing presence of the less fashionable, more annoying lost sister of Emma Frost.

And now Betsy apparently found love again with someone else. Warren is void and tired. He feels like he failed yet another woman. That it just isn’t it in him to keep a woman. That he’s doomed to eventually be alone, that anyone he falls for eventually will leave him for greener pastures. He’s bitter. But is also happy for her. He’s not cruel, he’s not heartless. He’s not that kind of asshole who wishes ill or failure to the woman who had once been his out of spite. Nor he is annoyed that his former girlfriend now swings for the other spectrum. They all have met and fallen for aliens, gods or cosmic forces - what’s gender, compared to this?

Of all the people he knows, Betsy is the one who deserves peace and happiness the most. After all she endured, she’s entitled to. So, if she’s found the right person to find peace with, then so be it. If Rachel is the person who can bring out the good in Betsy, or even just give her a slice of happy married life, then so be it. He knows Rachel - she’s not one he would call friend, they don’t share a close bond and is little more than a fellow X-Men to him, but he knows her enough to know she’s good inside. Perhaps a bit troubled, a dark past that at time resurfaces - but who, between them X-Men, can call himself truly innocent and clean? Rachel is strong and stands for what she considers right. She’s not scared to take sides, even against her own friends - he would know, she was one of the few who sided with them time-displaced five, when everyone (Betsy included) were hunting them, unwilling to listen to what they had to say. Rachel will be a good partner for Betsy. With Rachel, Betsy won’t fall in her old habits. There won’t be an Archangel lusting for blood who will drag her back into black-ops missions and killing sprees. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t feel a pang of pain whenever she sees records of them together, fighting or making a guest apparition to some gala. That he doesn’t feel the need to avoid his eyes whenever they show up together in Krakoa and his keen sight spots a flaming head or familiar purple hair in the crowd. Eagle eyes are both a blessing and a curse, at times. He remembers himself that the past must stay in the past, that it’s time to look at the future ahead. That he moved on from Candy, and he can move on from Betsy as well.

But within, he feels that they aren't done. That somehow they’ll eventually fall back in their old paths. As if they were somehow doomed, struck in a loop they can’t escape, no matter how hard they run or fly. They are connected and forever be. That is nothing neither Archangel, nor Otherworld, can change.

*

+1. Laura Kinney, once forgotten

Laura is what was never meant to be. If Hank hadn’t plucked their younger selves from their time to throw them in a dark future, nothing with Laura would’ve happened. Laura has always been a child to his eyes. A child born out of pain, created to be nothing but a killing machine. Warren had known her as such, the feral female, younger counterpart to Logan - silent and cold, troubled and obedient. A reliable partner, for a black-ops squad made of killing machines. Wrong place for her, right for everyone else involved. They never clicked but they didn’t disagree either. Both too reserved, too stuck in their own killing machine mind, both prisoners to their own darkness. They worked well together, they protected each other’s back, they even supported each other. Yet, they barely exchanged few words. No matter that she lived in his house, hanged around in his kitchen - or saved his life on the field. He didn’t spare a thought to her, when they reshuffled the team and Logan put his foot down on her being out of the team - they lost a killing machine, but they were getting Betsy out of the exchange, and that was all that mattered at the time. And then everything went to hell.

To this day, he can’t explain how they fell together.

He doesn’t know what Laura saw in him. How Laura could see the teenager Warren and separate him from the adult Archangel of Death Laura had worked with. Perhaps she understood that they were as different as they could come, that the teenager Angel had nothing in common with that Warren Worthington but the genetic makeup. Perhaps he had changed in the meantime and he hadn’t known. She was one of the few young mutants they hanged out with in their future. He’s always been a socialite, back then - always a flirt. He was young and still foolish. Perhaps he unconsciously searched for someone different from him to ground him. Perhaps for once he wanted to help a broken person. Or perhaps it was the meeting the first girl to not fall for his charms - Jean Grey all over again.

They were sun and moon, carefree and troubled, light and dark. Yet, for some time it worked. Against all odds Laura returned his feeble feelings and they spent quality time together, like only a pair of teens involved with the X-Men can. He managed to make her smile. And he liked it. With him, she was less gloomy, at times he could see her eyes shine with some of the lightheartedness she was robbed her whole life. Twice he even managed to stole her a laugh. She compensated for his hot-headedness and his impulsivity.

But then he ruined it all. In his desperate attempts to escape his fixed destiny, he put a wedge between them. But how could she understand? To know that you have your fate presented to you, to see whom you will become, the horrors... Nobody ever had the galls to look him in the eye and explain how he ended up to be a Warren who believed himself an angel. Why he would gain metallic wings. Why he would drastically change in body and mind. Why he would loose himself. Everybody glossed over, everybody avoided his questions. He was left with what the cold files told him, and his mind to fill the gaps. He didn't share his fears with her, and Laura didn't reach out. To be fair, she didn't know how to. And he didn't give her any chance. His choice to keep the Black Vortex modifications was the start of the ending.

And then secrets built up. With hindsight she could've helped him, had she trusted in her. She had known the Warren who had been (the Warren he was doomed to become), and she knew too well the burdens of fury and a drive to commit violence. But he didn't trust her. And she was right to give up on them. They drifted apart. And in such a sour way that, by the time them five were about to return to the past, he and Laura didn't even exchange a word - not a farewell, not a goodbye. But theirs had always been a hopeless thing, something with an already written expiration date. A relationship he forgot, until the block on his memories fell.

He took the time to thank her for putting up with his younger self. For not telling him what she knew about his future. He asked her permission for a hug. Not as paternal figure, not as a brother, but not a distant lover either. He recalls with melancholic affection that brief time in which they were happy, when he felt that with Laura he could fix all the wrongs in the world - when he got a respite from the X-Men and returned to be the Avenging Angel, not alone but standing alongside a Wolverine.

Laura has Logan. But he promised he would be there for her if she ever needed help. As a friend. As a fellow X-Men who every day has to fight the darkness within.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Notes

Jean I see the potential for this pair in early Silver Age X-Men and later X-Factor, and I could see a (better) evolution of Scott's character in which he overcomes Jean's death, and - even if he's understandably conflicted with Jean's return - eventually stays with Maddie because he might've fallen for Maddie out of her likeness with Jean, but he's come to genuinely love her; the pain of seeing her die has forced him to mature and their love belongs to the past, as the "high-school" romances. In this case, Jean and Warren get closer. But this would mean Warren breaking up with Candy for Jean, which... no. It's disappointing that in the only What If...? in which we see Jean picking Warren during the First Class era, everything is portrayed as a bad fanfiction, with Scott leaving the X-Men and becoming evil.

Candy Candy is... Candy. My endgame is Warren/Betsy, but Candy is almost there. Wherever Warren goes, Candy goes to (I have two Warren/Betsy AUs - a medieval fantasy and an 1800s historical - and Candy gets her part in Warren’s life in both, shaping him and leaving a hole that Betsy has to struggle to fill. In the fantasy Candy is the reason why Warren doesn’t give Betsy a chance and rebuffs Betsy’s every attempt at building a bridge between them). If Marvel really wants to stick to Betsy/Rachel even after Howard leaves and Betsy ends up in other hands, then my dream would be to have Candy return - she’s not a mutant, but a retcon is behind the corner, should an author want to head that route (as proven with Moira McTaggart), and it’s not that in Marvel universe non-powered people never return from dead anyway.

Charlotte I liked them. But they really were too different to work on the long run. When X-Factor folded back into X-Men, authors had Warren act like a dick toward Charlotte. I think Warren would be the guy who went and broke up, instead of ghosting a girl. But he was in a bad shape, so it works. I personally know how it feels to let things drift and avoid confrontation and then wake up one day and realize too much time has passed and the train has left and you can’t get back and fix things (or, really, just close them as they should). Still, a dick. I would’ve loved it any authors hinted that Warren paid a scholarship, founded his medical cures or even invited Timmy to fly on mechanics wings in that X-Men Unlimited story. I was one of those who hoped the Archangel-wannabe Cherub of Children of the Atom was Timmy. Sadly, I was disappointed. Part of me is tempted to ignore that the guy is actually called Gabe and has nothing to do with Timmy.

Paige I think what I feel about her is heavily reflected in her chapter. I’m not a rabid hater (the “sex in the air right above momma Guthrie’s head” scene notwithstanding) but I feel we could remove that portion of his romantic life from Warren’s history and not miss/loose anything (although this pairing deprived us of more flirting and panel presence of Stacy X who was unceremoniously scraped off). They were attracted to each other out of the blue (especially him; Paige had every reason to be JUST physically attracted but he? They probably never shared a panel before since Gen X debuted), then together one moment, and the next they had fallen out and their relationship never be mentioned or hinted at again. For the best, I think. It was so poorly executed that it’s hard to salvage anything of that ship. I tried my best.

Betsy As a hard Warren/Betsy shipper, it’s very difficult for me to accept Betsy/Rachel. How it came to be, and especially with how the Betsy/Warren remains unresolved (the confrontation with alternate!Warren is too little and too ambiguous to satisfy anyone who ever cared for the ship) doesn’t help, but it’s how it’s portrayed (in every issue they have to be shown holding hands, kiss, exchange love confessions or flirt) that irks me. I can’t speak for other hetero ships, but Betsy/Warren didn’t need this amount of “in the face” to work - and Wildstorm/DC Apollo/Midnighter neither. It’s as if the author doesn’t trust her writing and/or has to make sure the readers don’t forget that “these two queer women are a couple” - or wants to be sure the readers don’t have any way to ignore their queer status. It’s not that I have something intrinsic against Betsy and Rachel per se, but I just know that - now that she’s been paired with a woman - Betsy will be forever stuck on the “lesbian” side of the mutants. No matter that she has been straight for most of her comic tenure (with the bi-ness ambiguous at best with her thing with Phatomex/Cluster). I am one for bi!Betsy, actually. But the majority of Rachel/Betsy fans (or at least the more vocal, the ones who seek queer representation in any form no matter the characters involved and if their previous canon history allows for this, some who staid with Howard only because of the promise of the queer couple, some who barely knew who Betsy was or never liked the character and jumped on for the pair only, some who gush on butch!Rachel despite Rachel never being buff - or tall like English!amazon!Betsy either) seem at times to forget that Betsy isn’t lesbian but bisex: if in the future an author decided to stray from this narrative, the backlash would be massive. Marvel wouldn’t want to the accused of queer erasure because Betsy left her (butch) Askani for a man. That’s why I fear Howard put a tombstone on Warren/Betsy. Nowadays, there’s no turning back once a character is portrayed as queer, bi-erasure is still strong. Tiny Howard, by making Rachel jealous of Saturnyne but not of Peter or any other man Betsy has to do with (including recently Tony Stark, who is a womanizer and the kind of man Betsy used to dig), doesn’t help. Objectively, one could think Rachel is only jealous of women because it’s her first lesbian relationship and she’s insecure. But the message the reader gets is that Rachel is only jealous of women because she doesn’t perceive men as a “threat” - as in, Betsy doesn’t care for men (like Warren was jealous of Betsy close to Neal Sharra but not of any X-Women Betsy hang out with). I have this feeling that Howard did this move to establish Betsy as different from Kwannon - she was given a character that was mostly blank, since everything we had come to know of Betsy was given to Kwannon (name, butterfly, powers, looks, attitude, roles within the X-Men - Kwannon got everything in the divorce!), and in hindsight the choice to make alternate!Warren married and divorced from Kwannon further strengthen this (Warren, and Neal and all the men she flirted, fucked or kissed, are Kwannon’s Betsy - Betsy’s Betsy is Rachel). At this point I resigned to the fact that Betsy will never return with Warren. But accept the reality doesn’t make it easier to swallow it. All in all, I tried to respect the new pair nonetheless and paint Warren as an understanding, decent man who still loves dearly Betsy and knows he has to let her go (she’s already gone - she has to let his feelings for her go, that’s what I mean).

Laura I’m in the minority that didn’t dislike Warren/Laura. I maintain that they had potential but it was a)poorly executed and b)at some point the authors weren’t interested and gave up. As with everything from the time-displaced!O5, canon never referenced to them again. I like to think Laura has put her thing with Warren in the list of fallen relationships of her life, but has understood that they were never meant to be in the first place and, with time, learned to appreciate the small goods things she got from that time. Warren, on the other hand, might be conflicted. He got to know Laura as an adult but then had a romance with her as a teen. But he might be conflicted on everything that happened during that time - the infodump of memories, once Jean’s block fell, must have been insane and, of all, the ones of his thing with Laura were far from the worst.

———————————————————————————————

Crossposted Dreamwidth: prue84.dreamwidth.org/90008.html Livejournal: prue84.livejournal.com/98314.html AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/49184803 SquidgeWorld: squidgeworld.org/works/46670

[promiscuouspomegranate]

could we get more on ezra? his character seems interesting and i wanted to see more of him in the oneshot! IT WAS STILL REALLY FOOD THOUGH !!

Me fucking rambling

TWs: Bullying, harassment, self harm, physical violence, stalking, manipulation, unstable home life, Lenore isn’t a good person, and Ezra just sucks.

(I hoped someone would ask for more because I focused on adjectives and “Oo, this sounds pretty” more than the plot�� erm.. my bad 💀)

When Ezra was nine–maybe ten, he can’t remember anymore–he witnessed his dad strike his mom across the face. His dad cussed her out over a minor inconvenience and then left her alone to go for a drive. His mom needed her “beautiful boy” to hold and coddle with saccharine affections. She whispered in Ezra’s ear, “You are far kinder than your dad… Never turn out like him, Ezra.” Ezra’s father came home an hour later with a bouquet of roses, and he heard his parents kiss from his room. At that age, Ezra took to heart the interaction and prayed that God helped him flourish in love the way his parents did. God never answered his prayers, but the devil did.

When Ezra was twelve–he could never forget the moment–he felt his childhood friendship with you change. You were starting to flourish and grow in ways he never knew someone could. Your mother had passed away, your father became a deadbeat, but you managed to thrive in your miserable conditions. He viewed you as someone capable and strong.

You ruined his perception when he heard you sobbing at the pond. You were crying for your mom to come back. That’s not what you were supposed to be like. You were meant to prevail by yourself. He already has to take care of his poor mother, now you?

The next day at the cafeteria, Ezra handed you a packed lunch from his mom. He waited for you to thank him and swoon–maybe confess your love if you felt like it–but you were so ungrateful. You hoarsely muttered, “I don’t need this, but thanks.” That’s definitely not how you were supposed to react. Weren’t you needy? You needed him. Stop being so confusing.

Your pessimistic attitude and nihilism–as philosophical as a middle schooler gets–were apparent to others. You arrived late to your classes, you cried in the bathroom stalls, and you were no fun to be around. People used to show false sympathies and whisper amongst each other, “Oh, poor thing, I hope they brighten up soon.” Even teachers pitied you and would murmur in the lounge between gas station cigarettes, “Can hardly believe what it’s like to be so young and lose your mom. I knew her well before she passed, lovely thing. Such a shame she didn’t pass her optimism to her child.”

You first experienced bullying when Ezra, enraged by your unwillingness to acknowledge you needed him, spread a rumor about you freshman year. A tale so disgustingly detailed and grotesquely exaggerated, it just had to be true. He told others in a hushed whisper in the band room you caused your mom’s death, whether willingly or not, he left for people to interpret. The car accident was your fault; you told him in tears, “Couldn’t handle hearing complaints about your father anymore. You snapped and lost her in a second.”

He showed them pictures of you in the hospital and old diary entries about your mother. Soon, people felt revolted by his lie and found you guilty of your mother’s death. Rumors stacked, and suddenly, you were getting things thrown at you in class; people would fight you when you least expected, and you were violently bullied and belittled by everyone.

Ezra realized his plan was working when he overheard a group of girls gossiping, “Bet they miss their mom so much they’re trying to join her in the afterlife. Someone saw them cutting themselves in the bathroom… like; get a fucking life, honestly. I knew them in middle school, and they always had a horrible vibe, y’know?”

Yet, not everyone believed Ezra’s story. The school’s book club knew a plot hole when they saw one, and there were quite a few in Ezra’s rumor. The polished president of the club, Lenore, extended a hand and invited you to her group. She would defend you when one of Ezra’s friends harassed or threatened to hurt you. Although her reputation was battered and she became a target, she stuck with you.

At a snail's pace, your personality resurfaced, and your mind soothed itself. By senior year, you laughed alongside your friends, defended yourself from verbal altercations, and debunked Ezra’s rumor. Only Ezra’s friends believed it, and many had apologized to you for their actions.

Yet, the wound was still bleeding, and you could only apply bandaids to patch it. Yes, your depression faded, but it persisted. Yes, you could walk in the hallways without getting your hair dragged, but you still faced violence. Yes, you had a friend group and a fantastic soul to defend you, but Ezra was still there. Why couldn’t he leave you alone? You used to be friends.

Lenore tried to patch your grief with positivity and smother sorrow with her sweet smile. Lenore would hold you close and whisper, “I’m here for you. Isn’t that all that matters? You have someone to look after you.” In contrast, Ezra would open wounds and stab you with words. He’d always repeat, “Just give up, fisheyes. Some people will always know the truth that you’re a murderer.”

tbh I’d move to Wisconsin in this situation and make cheese for a living !?

[navxry]

DIVERGENT AU : BLINDSIDED

-> Walking alone at night is never a good idea, and it seems someone is about to learn that the hard way. (WHAT IF? AU/CONCEPT) (RULER OF LOVE TAGLIST: @xianyoon ; @naraven ; send an ask to be tagged) [ note: since this is the last day of EBG, I will be writing this as my send off (for now) as we return to finish Ruler of Love. I have a (hopefully) smaller one to compensate before I go back to usual business for tonight, so let's get this done and dusted! ] [ <- divergent au | main page | divergent au -> ]

Walking home at this time of hour was not on their agenda.

For Navina, they had too much to take care of: their work, failing relationship, and even their family. They've never said it, but there's something about their mother's insistence that drives them... Insane.

Raising their phone, they scowled at the recent message they got. They were talking about having them go through a new job as their old one isn't supplying what they need. It wasn't their fault that their work is also growing more and more chaotic, like they couldn't keep themselves stable without worrying over God knows what.

They can hardly think of how much they have left, especially with the recent layoffs. Groaning, they raised their hand and raked through their hair, trying to deal with the stress—

—crack.

...

Navina stopped walking.

What was that?

Confused, they looked around, trying to find where it came from. They raised an eyebrow, almost like they weren't sure on where it came from. It wasn't rare for them to hear such things, but they were sure no one would be around at this hour.

... Strange.

Sighing, they lowered their hand and continued walking, though they were tense. They were cautious with anyone they may encounter, especially after what happened with the disappearance in their town. It got them alarmed as it happened so frequently in theirs, and with no evidence tied to who could do it...

".. Ugh, I need to contact Kirara," they murmured, pulling up their phone to begin dialing the number.

...

"... Lost signal?" they asked, ignorant of the danger looming from behind them. "What the hell, I thought I—"

As swiftly as it came, a hand reached over to cover their mouth, shutting them up.

They began to struggle as they were being dragged to God knows where, their screams muffled by the cloth on their face. They couldn't tell where they were being dragged, but the fumes in it began to make them woozy.

In the midst of their struggle, they dropped their phone and bag, their chest slowing down to gently breathe as the chloroform kicked into their system.

...

When they stopped struggling, their culprit looked down, watching their eyes close. Relieved, they can only sigh in relief as they moved the item away, lifting them up by their arms to get to their car.

It was never easy, considering what they had to do. However, tonight... Things were going to change. It'll be in her favor, not theirs.

Lowering the unconscious worker in the trunk, they slammed it down and went to the driver's seat. Opening the door, they closed it and started it, this time to drive off to a location that they knew best.

"... Finally," she murmurs, pulling the mask off as she glared at the rearview. "Finally, I got them. It's been far too long since they had their fun."

Glancing over at her companion, she frowned, continuing, "Don't look at me like that. I'm so tired of pretending that things are in their favor, and that I'm not aware. How long has it been since they were let go and tormented that family?"

What greets her were faint scratches, which made her scoff.

"'They're innocent', huh? Well, I doubt they are. Don't you realize that they've killed her over and over?"

...

"I'm not insane!" she yelled, raising her head to focus on the road. "Not after everything I did! I followed that thing to the letter, and we've both seen how it ended. I don't... I don't want to experience dying again and again, you know."

...

"You and I know that they deserve this. They're a monster, after all— why else would they murder that Knave like it's nothing?"

Reaching over to the semi-burnt letter, the girl scoffed, examining how the words became nothing but smudged ink. Clearly by their doing, no doubt.

"If they wanted so badly to get rid of their 'Father' and the family, it's only right that I do him a favor. It'd be terrible if I let a killer run amok like this—"

"Oh? And you say that your actions are justified, miss Kirara?"

The car swerved as Kirara raised her head, eyes widening to see the Knave sitting beside her. Regaining control on the wheel, she darted her head towards the latter.

"What— how are you alive?!"

"Me? Alive?" Arlecchino chuckles. "Oh, you must think that I'm around. How adorable," she continues, giving Kirara a knowing look. "No, I'm not alive."

The car continues to drive on, but Kirara is clearly trying to think of something—anything... And yet, she's drawing a blank.

"You seem confident that the person you took did this to you," she began, giving the girl a knowing look. "You're confident in despising a God that seems to care too much of keeping people alive, despite their role. Why is that?"

... Because I knew that—

"Ah, is it because you think they killed me?"

Arlecchino directed her attention to face you.

You who is reading right now.

"You seem to think that I'm dead in this universe. How cute."

She twirls the charms on her person, her eyes gleaming. Sure, she found it cute that you think (so far) that since she's gone, she got murdered by a God, but it was far from it. Even those who posed as the 'judge' and 'witness', trying so hard to drive the narrative...

... She found it all amusing.

"Well, here's something to think about," she added, reaching over to grab her gun and raising it towards you.

"I'm not dead. It'd be hell for me to go down, and you have little faith in me if you think they took me away. Now, do me a favor and apologize to the me when things are over with."

BANG.

@/navxry | do not repost my works | 2024 | entry for may ebg 2024 by @/xianyoon

[kmhnsecretexchange]

Title: The Ultimate Observer

Author: @mirroredgiraffe​

For: @collegiate-trash​

Pairings/Characters: Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito

Rating/Warnings: Teen and Up, No Warnings Apply

Prompt: Kamukura observing the Neo World with Junko’s AI (where he definitely isn’t focusing on Komaeda wdym)

Author’s notes: The themes and matrity of the fic match the ones of the games, so I didn’t get too extreme. Also you’ll need to know the events of SDR2, DR3, Ultra Despair Girls, and DR 2.5 to understand this fic.

Summary: Kamukura has set up this killing game to determine which is better: hope or despair? While in the simulation observing the remnants, he rediscovers emotions and memories he thought were previously lost. With the help of his body-double and other friends, will he still want to answer this hypothesis?

Word Count: 14K+ (idk how i did that)

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45523753

Fic under Read More

He predicted he’d end up somewhere in the program when he put the flash drive in the main computer.

Although, he did not predict he’d be like a ghost watching over younger versions of the remnants. It was truly an interesting situation, especially since he could watch *himself*.

Yet, this “Hinata” didn’t grab his attention as much as another individual did.

“Heyyy, Zuzu whatcha’ up to now?” Enoshima puts her elbow on his shoulder, looking him up and down, “huuuuuhhh?”

Her voice was grating on his ears, like nails on a chalkboard.

“Same thing as always, you know that.”

“Ahhhh, you’re so predictable sometimes. HA, it’s no fun, Zuzu~!” She puts her arm around his neck and squeezes him tight enough to choke someone, of course, it didn’t affect him.

In the distance, they could see “Hinata” speaking to Nanami. It gave Kamukura a sinking feeling in his chest he couldn’t describe.

“Doesn’t it hurt your cold, *cold* heart to see him with your old, *only* friend?” She giggles, rushing to grip her stomach. “Oooh, it especially hurts now since she’s on our team, right?”

“We aren’t a team, all of us are separate entities.”

“Godddd, you’re no fun! I think if we all try hard enough we can all be besties!” Her arms go slack and her face turns hollow. “Unless you guys don’t even care or like me, which I can understand. I’m just a miserable pile of chaos and despair…” She switches again, sporting a metal pose like she’s a harupeko. “Jesus Christ, fuck that!! Even if you guys don’t want me, you’re gonna get my sweet ass anyways!!”

Kamukura, expression unchanging, keeps staring at his body double and “friend” talk. Then, another person came into view; a tall guy with white hair. Kamukura immediately recognized him, but he looked so *different*, it surprised him.

All of the remanets looked like themselves, for the most part. He can still see their passion in their eyes, their talent in their mannerisms, and he can still see their bond even without memories of each other.

Yet, he was different somehow. Kamukura couldn’t quite place what it was, and that fact fascinated him.

Like everything else, Enoshima immediately noticed this slight change in his aura. She gasps dramatically and grabs Kamukura’s face like she’s trying to look for something. “Did I detect a hint of curiosity from you?” She starts to fake cry, “you never felt that way towards me befooore!”

“You were never interesting enough to warrant my curiosity.”

“Ohhh! You wound me so!! ” She makes a motion of stabbing herself in the chest. “I think I’m bleeding out!”

Kamukura ignores her and continues watching the participants.

“Hmmmm, you didn’t change your ‘tude until *he* showed up.” She rubs her chin and watches the group with him. “God, you must have been gay before the surgery.”

“You jump to conclusions too much for someone who’s the ‘Ulitmate Analytic’.”

“Oh, only for show, my dearest~!” She pokes his chest, “I reaaally know what is happening to your brain right now, even if you don’t!” She holds her arms close to her and she starts trembling, “it’s so romantic, isn’t it? Oh, but I wish you felt *something* towards me. You know I just want you to ra-”

“I don’t wish to hear it.”

Enoshima jumps in surprise, “oohooohhh I’m so sowwy Kamukuwa-senpai! I won’t ever do it again!” She saluted him with her tongue sticking out of her mouth.

“Why do you bother to lie to me, even when you know I can tell?”

“Because it’s fun! Ever heard of it, Mr. Lobotomy?”

“I am the Ultimate Comdeian.”

She bursts out laughing, “yeah you def are!! You’re so funny, I can’t even tell when you’re joking.”

“Hmm.” He stopped paying attention a while ago, all he was focused on was the interesting guy attached to his body double’s hip.

-

“You’re not supposed to be here.” Nanami looked up at Enoshima, her gaze occasionally drifted to look at Kamukura, but her focus was on the woman.

“Awww, why not, Nanami-senpai~?” She puts her hands on her hips, “why can’t we all just be kumbaya? Just hold hands and watch this shit show go down together?” She puts a hand to her face to cover an eye, “we’re all the same anyways.”

Nanami turns a faint shade of red, “don’t you *dare* put me in the same category as *you*! *He* is even different from you, I think.”

“What a bold statement from a tiny gamer girl! I didn’t know you had that fire in ya!“ Enoshima snickered, "luckily for you since you’re AI, you’re on the same level as me! Isn’t that such an awesome gift?”

“No, I was made to watch over the remnants. It was *only* supposed to be me here, probably.” Her eyes darted to Kamukura for a second, but she redirected them to Enoshima. “You’re just a virus, you’re not meant to be here.”

“What’s with the divided attention, Nanami-senpai~? I’m starting to get jealous.” She started to fake cry, “it’s like you ha-hate me!”

Nanami didn’t respond to that, she only straightened her posture and continued glaring at her.

“Hmm, you’re no fun.” She crossed her arms and sighed heavily. “You should hang out with Kamukura since you’re both such party poppers.”

Enoshima vanished after that, going somewhere else to annoy someone.

Nanami stepped closer to Kamukura, studying his face and body. “You’re Hinata-kun, right? I have all the memories of Chiaki Nanami so I think I understand what you are. But… Why are you here?”

“You could say I’m ‘Hinata’, but he’s separate from me now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I theorized that when we entered the program, something would happen to both of us. It was unpredictable which outcome it would be.” His eyes glimmer slightly at that comment, “the outcome ended up being 'Hinata’ and I being forced apart.”

“So you’re different people now or..?”

“No.”

“I see… So why can I see you here and Hinata-kun in the program with my classmates?”

“When the program forced him to forget his time at Hope’s Peak and after, it tore me from the equation. Since I only existed in that time frame.”

“If that’s the case then why are you still here?”

“I’m not quite sure.”

Nanami stepped closer again. “I think I might like having you here.” She smiled, “I vaguely remember you, but you’re the only one who remembers me as a friend, right?”

Kamukura didn’t speak for a while, that question made him contemplate deeply. “I suppose I am.”

-

He’s similar to the Servant he knew.

Of course, he was younger and has no clue what he was and what he’s done. A more innocent version of the man, which is saying a lot.

Sure, all of the people on the island were like that. For Kamukura it was interesting, especially now that they were forced into another despairing situation.

Not quite like the last one, this one had a tinge of hope. The hope of escape and resilience.

He knew better than that, and it seemed this “Komaeda” did too.

Kamukura has been watching Komaeda for the last three days closely. Enoshima and Nanami were with the students most of the time, so there was no one trying to talk to him. 

Since the announcement that the remnants were put in a killing game, Komaeda has been planning a murder. At a party where they were supposed to ignore that exact same fate. One where Komaeda was supposed to die at the hands of someone else.

Interesting.

Komaeda was mostly silent as he planned his scheme. He did not want to draw suspicion after all, he was lucky enough to be able to clean the building all by himself. 

It seems he put it all on luck, even when the outcome was never guaranteed. His whole plan was reliant on his luck even when it is almost unpredictable.

Kamukura also possessed the talent of luck, and because of that, he knew the ins and outs of it. Yet, he never really used his luck for a thing such as this. Perhaps due to this, he was engrossed in this man’s organic luck.

Yet, there was one other person who happened to cross the unfavorable side of the man’s luck; Hanamura Teruteru, the only other soul in that building at the time.

Due to him discovering Komaeda set up a murder, he played exactly into his game. Kamukura could tell that the moment he saw the way Komaeda’s eyes swirl when Hanamura demands an explanation.

It will be interesting to see how this goes.

Maybe he is closer to the Servant he knew after all.

-

Togmai Byakuya was found dead under the table, now “Hinata” and the rest of the remnants had to find out who did it.

Kamukura was able to be close to the remnants while the trial happened. Enoshima made it able to where he could “be part of the fun”, of course, he was only able to be seen by the other AI.

Although, it was a special case for “Hinata”. Due to their mental link, they had some influence on each other. The man didn’t know Kamukura was there or even knew of his existence, but he knew *someone* was in the back of his mind helping him somehow.

“Hinata” felt lost, and confused, but mostly he was scared. One of his classmates died, and another one did the deed. Even with the investigating he did, he was reluctant to point fingers. However, he had to, and with this new boost of stability from the back of his head; maybe he could do this.

Due to stress, his head was empty. Maybe Komaeda would help him with this, he *was* very helpful in the investigation after all.

“Hinata” wanted to prove that he was capable, so he *had* to be able to do this trial right. Of course, his and his classmates’ lives were at stake. The pressure was insane, making his head hurt from how useless it was.

Apparently, we were never expected of greatness. I *could* help “Hinata” with the trial. Although, he seems like he would be fine. Interfering would be pointless.

Kamukura stood next to “Hinata”, looking at the screen on his stand. 

He wrote down enough evidence to figure out what happened, maybe he could figure this out on his own.

He looks at Komaeda across the room. He can’t see Kamukura, but when he locks eyes with “Hinata”, Kamukura pretends Komaeda is looking at him instead. Well, that wasn’t entirely wrong, but Kamukura was being a little self-indulgent. A thing he has never done before, it gave him a glimmer in his chest. “Hinata” felt his longing and hope, it gave him the motivation to do this trial.

They both could thank Komaeda for that.

I wonder what you will do, please surprise me.

-

Hollow.

Komaeda gripped his stomach as he spoke.

Betrayed.

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Confused.

[Out of all the people, why did it have to be you?]

Sorrow.

“Hinata’s” thoughts were racing, screaming in Kamukura’s face.

Heartbroken.

[I *trusted* you. And for what? For you to fucking murder someone and turn around and look at me with a smile asking to help investigate… So it was all a lie… A game to you?]

Kamukura couldn’t believe it, but he was *feeling* emotions. Strong ones at that, he didn’t think it was possible. Yet, the influence of “Hinata” ended up making him share the wave of despair he got from Komaeda’s “betrayal”.

Enoshima, or rather Monokuma, was giggling from the sidelines as the students were freaking out.

Her shrill voice echoed in Kamukura’s head.

You didn’t expect that, didn’t you? Even when you knew exactly what that skeleton freak did, he *surprised* you. Doesn’t that make you feel such wonderful despair? I am so happy you get to see things my way!

He felt nauseous, his head was banging like it had its own earthquake. “Hinata” leaned forward holding his stomach, so he felt it too.

Komaeda’s laugh became louder in his head as Enoshima’s faded. It was raspy in comparison like he barely had enough air in his lungs to continue laughing.

Determination.

Kamukura *knew* what happened, so maybe he should give “Hinata” a little push in the right direction.

No, that’s wrong.

“Hinata” voiced the thought Kamukura gave him, and it echoed in the room.

A spark of something was in Komaeda’s eye, but Kamukura couldn’t quite read it.

Maybe I- we should look more into you.

Kamukura looked at his body double, he had a new fire in his eyes. And it all came from *him*.

Who knew Kamukura still had it in him?

“Hinata” must be a larger influence than Kamukura previously thought.

Now, he was *interested* in what more “Hinata” could show him.

-

Hinata opened a door and entered a small room. It didn’t look anything like he’s seen before. It was completely dark, the only thing illuminated was the door he used. He turned around and around to try to see anything, but nothing.

Then all of a sudden a desk with two chairs appears.

He decides to approach them.

A person with long black hair and a black suit and tie is sitting in one of the chairs. Their face is darkened out, so Hinata cannot tell who it may be. 

The figure speaks, “I didn’t think you’d come here.”

“I saw a door appear and opened it and ended up here, so don’t think too hard about it.”

“I won’t.” Hinata can feel their gaze on him, “sit down. Don’t you want to talk about something while you’re here? You’ll be here a while.”

Hinata looks back at the door, and then back at the figure. It seemed like a bad idea to run back and go against their wishes.

He sat down next to the figure, eyeing them up and down. Even when they were so close, Hinata couldn’t see any facial features. “Who are you exactly? Also, I’d like to know where I am and why I’m gonna ‘be here a while.’”

The figure puts their hands on their lap, “I don’t think you want to know who I am, not yet anyways.” They sigh, “but I will tell you that you are in your own head. Let’s just call it ‘dream time.’ Of course, you sleep about 8 hours a night. Until you wake up in the morning, you’ll be here.” They put their joined hands on the table, “you don’t always need to come inside and see me, but you chose to tonight.”

“It just felt right… I don’t know…” He shakes his head, “no fuck okay, so what even are you then? If this is just some weird dream, then what does that make you?”

“Let’s just say I’m a part of you.”

“What the fuck… You’re not making sense.”

“I suppose I am the side of you you want to forget.”

Hinata grabbed his head, “gaahhhh, whatever be mysterious and vague emo… guy…”

“Good insult.”

“Oh, shut up.” He crossed his arms, “what am I supposed to even do here anyways?”

“We could talk if you want.”

Hinata leaned back in his chair and looked at where the figure’s eyes would have been, “sure. Got any conversation starters?”

“What do you think about Komaeda?”

He choked at that name, “*Him*? That’s what you want to talk about?”

“I feel your emotions and know everything you think. I know you want to understand him too.”

He put his hands in his face, “okay, fuck okay. I’ll humor you.” He sighs and puts his hands on the edge of the table. “I used to see that guy as a friend. He was just so chill and made me feel-. God, I don’t know anymore. I just don’t like thinking about it.” His hands gripped the table harder, “what he did is *unredeemable*, he manipulated someone to *murder*. He was planning to fucking kill someone!”

“That last part isn’t true and you know it.”

“… What?”

“We both saw the evidence and based on that, his plan didn’t exactly go as he originally planned.”

“What are you saying..?”

“He planned for himself to be the one who died.”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” He stood up, “you- you don’t make *sense*!” He turned around so he couldn’t look at them anymore.

“It’s pointless to reject your own thoughts.”

Hinata whipped around and pointed a finger at them, “no. No! I do not think that! I don’t care if you’re my fucking “other self”, but you must be some intrusive thought or something… I am not dealing with this shit anymore, I’m leaving.”

Hinata walked towards the door, stomping his feet. He slowly opened the door and sighed.

“See you soon, ‘Hinata’.”

He shut the door behind him.

-

“Oh, Hinata great timing,” Hinata bumped into Koizumi in the cafe. “Could you do me a favor, since you’re here?” Her voice pitched high when she asked that, it felt fragile to Hinata’s ears.

“Umm, sure, what is it?”

“Could you bring this breakfast to Komaeda?” Hinata jolted in surprise, “hey, don’t act like that! I was gonna go it, but when I did it earlier he complained I gave him rice.” She scoffed, “god, he acts so high and mighty even when he’s tied up for planning a murder. I should have left him hungry, but *someone* had to feed him, right.” Her shoulders fell, “don’t want to accidentally kill him… I asked Monokuma and he said it would count…”

Hinata *really* didn’t want to do it, but after that weird dream, he thought maybe… It wouldn’t hurt.

“Sure, whatever, I’ll do it, Koizumi.”

“Really?!” She coughed, “thank you, you are a competent man, Hinata. A reliable man like you is rare.”

“Yeah…”

She handed him the tray and ran off before Hinata could back out.

[Maybe I shouldn’t think too hard about it…]

-

“Hahaha, hey Kamukura-senpai~! Guess what!” She jumped and jumped in front of Kamukura, “come onnnnnnn! Pay attention to me!!”

Kamukura didn’t move his head to look at her, “what is it?”

“That guy you like it all tied up in the place where the shapeshifter died! Doesn’t that make you feel something?” She hugs herself, and drool goes down her chin, “doesn’t it awaken something within you?”

“Even if it did, I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Oooh, being so mysterious~! I know deep down it triggers something in you.”

“… Maybe it was a bad idea to see what you were up to.” Nanami appears behind the two, and she sighs. “I just wanted to see what you were scheming, probably.”

“Nanami-senpai! It’s *great* to see you!” She grabs her arms and pulls her to see what they are watching. “Dontcha wanna watch the action with us?”

Nanami looks down at the scene, it’s Komaeda and “Hinata” in the cabin having a conversation. “What are you talking about?”

“I can just feel the lustful energy coming off those two! So I’m watching to make sure nothing goes down, because if it does!” She points a finger to her face, “I’ll just have to butt in and stop it! It’s against the rules, after all.”

“… Right…”

“Y-you don’t believe meeeee!” She starts to fake cry, drying her tears. “I pwomise I’m not some pervert, Nanami-senpai~! It’s j-just to make sure nothing freaky happens!”

Nanami’s mouth goes lopsided and her eyebrows are frilled. “Okay… Just… Stop…”

Enoshima makes a peace sign, and hugs Nanami by the neck, “I’ll never stop not even after death!”

“You’re already dead,” Kamukura speaks up, still not looking at the two women.

“Ahaha yeahh, thanks for reviving me, bestie!”

“Uhuh.”

“Grrrr, he’s not giving us proper attention. Maybe he’s more into that junk down there than I originally thought.”

Kamukura has been barely listening to her ramble since he wanted to see how his body double was doing instead. After what they discussed last night, he was curious about how he’d react to the man now.

His head was filled with “Hinata’s” thoughts, although what the two men were saying was a little muffled since they were high above them. Of course, for the Ultimate Musician, it was clear as crystal.

“I’m so glad it was you who came to see me, Hinata-kun.”

“It was only because Koizumi asked me to.”

“Oh! Did she trick you into doing it? I know earlier she was cursing me out for saying I don’t like rice.”

“She mentioned that…” He carefully put the food tray in front of the man, “she didn’t trick me or anything, just asked me to do it… And I guess I felt bad for her enough to do her this favor.” He crossed his arms, “don’t look too heavily into it, it’s not that deep.”

“If you say so…” Komaeda pulls at the ropes around his arms, “well, isn’t that inconvenient.” He smiled at the other man, it made “Hinata’s” hair stick on end. “I can’t feed myself with my arms tied up like this. Hinata-kun, could you feed me?”

He stood there in shock, he didn’t answer immediately.

Kamukura was captivated by the exchange, he wondered what would happen if “Hinata” helped Komaeda. Of course, that thought reverbed, and “Hinata” heard it in his head. It made his mind race more than before, the possibilities “Hinata” thought of were much more creative than Kamukura’s were.

“Hiinata” felt guilty about his anger towards the man, it felt displaced. Being tied up was a tad extreme in his opinion. Sure, he helped plan a murder, but right now there isn’t any motive to kill anyone. Plus, he doesn’t look very intimating right now, just pathetic and kinda pitiful.

Maybe it was because he was laying on the floor in an uncomfortable position with his face squished into the floor. He really looked like he took a beating and was left for dead.

Kamukura couldn’t help but see Servant more in Komaeda today, and that reflected back to “Hinata”. The chain on him especially was a call back that Kamukura couldn’t help but hold onto. Even back then he thought it was an unnecessary accessory, but he was always told how it wasn’t. 

I cannot begin to understand him, but I want to make an attempt to.

And “Hinata” mirrored that sentiment.

“Fine,” he sat down in front of him. “Just don’t be weird about it.”

Komaeda didn’t reply immediately like he was thinking of what to say. “… I didn’t think you’d actually agree. I suppose it must be the good luck I got out of bad luck of being tied up.”

“Hinata” sighs, “please, don’t make me regret this.” He looked Komaeda up and down, “oh *shit* wait, is it okay if I touch you so I can make you sit up?”

“You can do whatever you want to me, I don’t mind.”

He paused and gulped, “… Yeah, sure…” He grabs the other man’s shoulders and moves him to a sitting position. “Umm… Are you comfortable?”

“Yep! Thank you for doing this for me, Hinata-kun! You really didn’t have to help trash like me, it would have been fine to leave me to starve.” He smiled at the other, “yet, here you are staying with me and willing to help.”

“It’s just human decency, I can’t just leave you to starve until someone else remembers to feed you.” He grabs the milk bottle and opens it, “and we both know that’s not happening. Here, drink some.”

Komaeda stayed quiet and drank. “Hinata” took the bottle away and grabbed the toast. “Out of everyone on this island, you are seemingly the only one who tolerates me.” He laughs at that thought, “I really wonder why that is.”

“Yeah, well, keep wondering because I don’t know either.” He shoves the toast in Komaeda’s face, “eat.”

He took a few small bites, “interesting. So you don’t know how you feel about me? Well, that is at least better than the alternative of you hating me.”

“Hinata” didn’t say anything to that, all he did was sigh. His face turned serious like he was thinking hard. He put the toast back down and rested his hand on his lap. “I don’t want to judge you too harshly before I understand you is all. I already told you not to look too deep into it.” He starts to stand up, “look you ate enough to live until lunch, so I’m gonna head out.“

“Awww, going so soon, Hinata-kun? I didn’t even finish all the food.”

“I said I’m gonna head out. See ya later Komaeda.”

“Hinata” kept a cool composer as he left the man alone, it made Komaeda speechless. He really thought he’d make more of a huff and puff about the questions he asked. And like that the other was gone.

“See ya, Hinata-kun.”

Kamukura found the whole situation engaging like he was part of the conservation. And maybe he was more of an influence on “Hinata” than he thought. It would make sense based on how he left the situation so calmly.

Even then, he wished “Hinata” stayed a little longer.

“Wooow! That display was sooo fruity!” Enoshima laughed at Kamukura’s side. “I am *so* glad I didn’t have to stop anything spicy from happening!” She gasps dramatically, “so so sowwy Kamukura-senpai I know you wanted to see something *intewesting*.”

“Did you want something from me?”

“Besides some di-”

“Stop. Did Nanami leave?”

She crossed her arms and puffed out her cheeks, “yeah she did the big meanie. She called me names and everything!”

“Knowing you it seems warranted.”

“Not you too, Kamukura-senpai!” She starts to fake cry, “you’re lucky the rules don’t apply to you since you’re not a student.”

Kamukura looks back down at Komaeda, “it wouldn’t matter to me either way.”

“God sometimes the responses you say are so boringggg.” She turns around and leaves.

Now, Kamukura is alone with his thoughts. He could have had a bigger influence on “Hinata” if he tried, to make him talk to Komaeda more in a better effort to understand him.

Yet, that idea felt immoral to him. If he truly wanted to understand Komaeda, he had to understand “Hinata” first.

-

Enoshima’s next scheme was the despair disease; Owari, Mioda, and Komaeda were deathly ill. The whole island split into groups to quarantine. “Hinata” and Kuzuryu were in the group with the ill and Tsumiki, while everyone else was in another location.

Due to this, Kamukura couldn’t meet Nanami at all, as she had to make sure no one found her missing. So, he decided it would be best to hang out in the hospital with his body double and everyone else.

Plus, Komaeda was there so it was an added bonus. Although, he was in the worst condition compared to the rest of the sick. It all made sense to Kamukura why that was the case, but for his body double, he was very worried.

It became very real that Komaeda could die soon. He was stuck in a fever-induced coma, so Tsumiki didn’t allow “Hinata” to be around much.

But Kamukura could be around the man as much as he wanted. It wasn’t like Tsumiki could do anything about it. Although, it did make Enoshima more annoying.

Enoshima stood next to Kamukura and slapped him on the back hard. “Heyyy, bestie. Whatcha doing around the sick freak?” She started to giggle, “SEE I have jokes too!”

“It wasn’t a very good one. That pun wasn’t clear or clever.”

“Ahhh, shhhh!” She put her finger to his mouth, “shush my sweet prince.”

He pushed her hand aside, “did you want something from me?”

“I just wanted to know why you’re sticking around on the ground, not like you get anything out of it.” She looked at the ill man sleeping in bed, “riiiiight?”

“It should be obvious to you why I’m here.” He sat on the foot of Komaeda’s bed, “I’m bored.”

“Hmmmm. Yeah! That makes both of us, bff.” She sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, “ya know I don’t know why you focus on him of all people, did you have some fun escapade after I died or some shit?”

“You could say that.”

“Ooooooh, fun! Give me all the deets!”

“That Kotoko girl you kidnapped sounds just like you sometimes.”

“Oh, so you’re giving me vague-ass responses now.” She held him tighter, putting her face against his cheek. “You know I know that you two were watching my little freaks after I died. Didn’t realize you cared about them enough to remember a fuck all detail like that!. You didn’t hang out a lot, so you really did seem like a deadbeat dad who left to go get milk.”

He didn’t say anything to that.

“Oh~ sweetie pie, did I touch a nerve?” She kicks her feet and squeals, “I’ve never done that to you before! Something is def making you more emotional, huh??” She slapped his cheek, “maybe that Hinata guy is the culprit, he *is* those missing emotions.” She smiled unnaturally wide, “or… Maybe Komaeda did? Wouldn’t that be so cliche? You were changed by a man of all things!” She giggles and it sounds like a banshee, “ohhh the drama!”

“I don’t know either.” He pushed her off and she landed with a whine, “and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Godd, you’re no fun!” She fake cries and stomps her feet, “fine, I’ll go bug someone else.” She makes a peach sign, “later loser.” And like that she’s gone.

Kamukura sighs and looks down to look at Komaeda’s face. He was still pale and red-faced, he looked more dead than alive with his baggy eyes and non-moving chest. Kamukura wished he could comfort him in some way, but he was unable to be perceived by the other man.

He went to move the hair out of his face, but his fingers went thru it. If he calculated it, he could make an object in the room move it for him. Yet, it would be pointless to do so. If Enoshima found out he found a way to do that, she’d freak. Plus, he wanted a real hand to comfort him.

He didn’t know why he felt so sentimental towards the man, but his feelings wrecked his brain and chest.

It seemed his only option was to get “Hinata” to comfort Komaeda for Kamukura. Since it was his body double, it was almost like he was doing the comforting.

Of course, he knew it wasn’t the case, but what else can he do besides that?

Even if it wasn’t Kamukura, Komaeda needed to have some comfort. Plus, with a little pulling of strings, he could get “Hinata” to do as he wanted. 

Yet, Kamukura thought maybe it might be wrong to control another person, even if they share a body.

But were they really different people?

-

Hinata is very tired, he’s been worried sick about his friend.

[Is it okay to call Komaeda a friend?]

He decided to not think over it.

He was back in this dark space with the door. He opened it for the first time in a while.

The black figure looked up from their lap, “ah, hello Hinata.”

“Hajime is fine. I mean, you’re me so like… Just be casual. It’s just us… Me.” He grabbed his hair, “god this shit is confusing.” He sat down in front of the figure and rested his arms on the table leaning forward. “That reminds me, what should I call you? I’ve just seen you as this… Black abyss person thing.”

“I have a name, but you don’t want to know it quite yet. It could trigger something bad.”

“Right,” he didn’t want to know. “I’ll just call you… Umm… Emo… Edgelord… Punk guy… Something like that. God, those are shitty ideas though, right?”

The figure just stared at him.

“I knew you’d agree.” He laughed awkwardly, “Shadow? Because I literally can’t see your face or anything about you. Like those shadow clones from video games… Oh, fuck you’re the Shadow to my Sonic.”

“I suppose you’re right about that. I think ‘Shadow’ is a good nickname. The previous ones were awful.”

“Fuck you, man.” He laughs, “ahh, for real though, I’m glad you like it.”

“And thank you for giving me one. My real name wasn’t as thoughtful.

“I see… Well… Umm…” Hinata became at a loss for words, “did you wanna talk about anything?”

“Yes actually,” he placed his hands on his lap, “it’s about Komaeda.”

He jumped slightly in shock, “that is seemingly the only thing you want to talk about.”

“Says a lot about you, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, shut up…”

Shadow sighs, “but it’s true. He’s sick and we’re worried sick.”

“Haha…”

“The pun was not intentional.” They cough into their hand, “anyways, I have an idea of why he is so sick. I know you don’t know exactly who or what I am, but I possess different memories from you.”

Hinata stood up straighter, “do you remember my talent?”

“I don’t want to answer that.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“You need to figure it out yourself.”

“But you *are* me!” He crossed his arms, “don’t give me this fucking bullshit about ‘figuring it out myself’.’”

“I’m sorry.”

They sat in silence for a while, neither of them knowing what to say. Hinata was still a bit attached to what Shadow wanted to say earlier, so he didn’t want to leave yet.

“It’s… Okay, Shadow.” Hinata sighed, and leaned back in his seat. “What were you saying before about Komaeda?”

“He is sick.”

“Yes, I knew that already genius.”

“No, he was sick before the despair disease, that’s why he’s sicker than the rest, *genius*.”

“… What?”

“He will be fine eventually, he always springs back up.”

“How do you know this?”

Shadow looked at him, thinking over what to say. “I suppose it will be alright if I say this, but you knew Komaeda before you meet him on the island.”

He rubbed back his hair roughly, grabbing at the strands. “… I had a feeling that was the case.”

“Good. It’s better to not explain that.”

“Fuck you.”

“You know whenever you refer to me, it also applies to you?”

“Don’t even try that, Shadow, you’ve also been insulting me.”

“Touche.” He puts his hands together on the table and leans forwards, “anyways, just know Komaeda will be just fine. Well, for the most part.”

“Alrighty, Mr. Mysterious Shadow Clone. Don’t explain jack shit to me.”

“If I did you wouldn’t believe a word I said. Either way, I don’t want to tell you everything yet.”

“Fun.”

(Hinata! Hey!!)

“Did you hear that too?” Hinata looked at Shadow.

“Yes. I believe it’s coming from the outside world.”

“What the fuck…”

(Hey asshole wake up already! It’s Komaeda!)

-

“What…” “Hajime” was laying down in a hospital bed. He sat up and bumped his head into someone else’s.

“Hinata, OW!” Kuzuryu grabbed his head, “what the fuck man! I just wanted to wake you up.” He groaned, “gahhh Komaeda’s awake, Tsumiki just told me. I rushed to tell you.” He regains his composer, “come on man, let’s so see how he’s doing.”

[That is a fucking crazy ass coincidence… Unless… Fuck I’m not gonna think over it.]

The two rushed downstairs. Once they got to the door, Kuzuryu slammed it open, scaring Tsumiki.

She jumped in her seat, “oh gosh! Haaa, you woke me up, Kuzuryu-san…” Her eyes were drooping, and she began to cry. “I’m s-so sorry, I don’t blame yo-you or anything! I should have been awake, but I’ve just-just been so tired!” 

“It’s… Fine… Just stop crying over it…” Kuzuryu looked equally uncomfortable and worried.

She wheezed and snuffled, “of course… It’s n-not like it matters anyways.” She looks at Komaeda, “Komaeda-san is awake now. His condition has stabilized and his fever has gone down. Although, it is still high.” She looks back at the two, “oh! Right, I need to check on the other two now!” She stands up abruptly and almost falls over, “please carry on!”

Kamukura sighed, it sounded dejected. He was concerned about Komaeda’s health and wished he could be there for him. Although, “Hajime” should be good enough.

Then Enoshima giggled at his side.

“So, you’re at the hospital again?” Kamukura glanced in her direction.

“Yeppers! I got bored bothering that gamer girl. She just plays games and ignores me.” She pulls on her pigtails, “the absolute gaul!”

“And I’m your only other option.”

“Nuh-uh! I could have used a Monokuma to bother my students, but the ones who are fun to bother aren’t really all there right now. HA, although I was fucking with Souda for a while.” She puts her hands to her hips, “what grease stain, he is just so easy to make fun of it gets boring fast.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh, don’t be boring now!” She stomps her feet, “what am I supposed to do then?”

“Maybe you should find a new hobby.”

“Awww, it’s hard to do that when you’re an AI stuck in a therapy computer simulation, ya know.”

“Of course.”

“Ahhh, anyways. I heard your sigh of concern!” She giggled again, “it is sooooo funny how being put into this dating sim made you so emotional.”

Kamukura looked at her from the corner of his eyes, “you’re right.”

“Waaaaa?!?!” She put her arms up and gawked at him, “you’re agreeing with little ol’ me?”

“Did you know me entering the program would bring back ‘Hajime’?”

She starts cackling, “mayyyybe~.”

“Alright, Hinata, I’m gonna head back to the waiting room since it’s almost time for the meeting. You can stay back if ya wanna.” He opens the door, “see ya.”

The door clicked shut and the room became silent.

“This should be entertaining, right, Zuzu?” She giggled and kicked her feet.

Kamukura didn’t acknowledge her.

“It’s awful to see you, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda smiled at the man with his hands in his lap.

“Hajime” stood next to him, he scratched the back of his head. “Ya know, that’s not a nice thing to say to someone who *chose* to visit you.”

Komaeda’s stare felt a little more intense after he said that.

Kamukura grunts in annoyance, and Enoshima snickers. “Not the brightest tool in the shed, ain’t he?”

Don’t you remember he has the lying disease? Don’t be so presumptuous.

“Hajime” stood up straighter and put his arm down, his eyes widened. “Oh wait… You have the lying disease.” He laughed awkwardly, “sorry, I umm really need to think before I say shit. Jesus, I sound like an asshole right now.”

Komaeda laughed, but it turned into a gross and dry cough. “You sure do! Worry about it, because it really bothers me.”

“Hajime” looked at him with a serious expression for a minute, and then snapped his fingers. “Oh, if you didn’t mind it then, I’ll just move on then.” He grabbed the chair and moved it to sit next to the man, “are you doing better than before? You were out for a long time… I- WE were very worried.”

“Oh, I’m doing great! The fever has lessened, just as Tsumiki said! I’m actually doing worst since you’re here. Maybe you should just leave.”

“What?” His tone was immediate and upset, he almost didn’t have time to think. As he started to stand up, he got a sudden pain in his head.

Don’t run away , it said. It was like there was a second voice in his head he never paid mind to. Yet, this voice was *his*. Maybe his dreams had more meaning than he previously thought.

“Hajime” stayed sitting, and put his hands together on his lap. “You really want *me* to stay with you?”

“No.”

“Okay then, I’ll stay for as long as I can.” He laughs, “you must have been bored and lonely for the past few days, huh? I mean you even *asked* me to stay with you, it’s kinda funny when you think about it.”

“It really is! I can clearly see why you’d think that.”

“Even in this state, you act like that huh… Whatever it doesn’t matter.” He leans forward, “what don’t you understand then?”

“Why it’s not funny.”

“Hajime” took a minute to think that over, not wanting to explain it. “Well, I thought you’d want someone else…”

Kamukura *knew* he was still not sharing the whole truth, but this time he wouldn’t intervene.

“That makes no sense. I would prefer someone else, of course.”

“Oh.” He stood up straight again, “that’s… Nice to hear.

“It makes sense why it would, right? I mean I am a great, beautiful person.” Komaeda groaned after saying that, he held his head with his hands. “I really am so wonderful.”

“Yeah…” He chuckled, “I think I prefer you this way. You know your self-depreciation gets on everyone’s nerves.”

“I know that, but they still shouldn’t know.”

“Hajime” looked at him with a confused expression, he was unable to translate that sentence.

Kamukura bought a hand to his face. Enoshima giggled and kicked her feet at the motion.

He doesn’t understand why people hate it when he tells them how awful he is, since he sees it as the truth he must share.

“Yes… I understand.” He shook his head and looked at Komaeda again. “Well, I don’t think that way, and I’m sure at least *one* other person here agrees. I mean, you’re not as awful as you say you are.”

“I believe you.”

“Oh gre- … Komaeda… Why would I lie to you?”

“It would be very unfunny and difficult.”

“Uh-huh, sure man.” He sighs, “it is kinda hard to talk to you right now. Hell, I could have left a long ass time ago back when you said you didn’t want me to be here. But, here I am.” He gestures to himself, “I don’t fully understand why *I* chose to stay here, but maybe - just maybe - I am worried about a fellow human being and classmate.” He clicks his tongue, “so don’t worry about it too much.”

“No thanks, Hinata-kun.”

“Great.”

The two continued to talk but Kamukura stopped paying attention for a moment.

“Hajime” seemed to mirror his feelings and thoughts more than he previously considered, it was blurring the line between consciousnesses now. It was like there was no separation besides memories. Now, Kamukura was thinking that could be the case.

He wondered who was the one who began to like Komaeda first. It should have been him, after all, he knew the man first. However, he did not have any of “Hajime’s” memories either. So it was something he could not figure out on his own.

Although, getting “Hajime” to share these feelings seemed like a big undertaking to Kamukura.

-

The remaining remnants were trapped in Fun House, with no food or water. They would not be released until someone was killed. They decided to group the boys and girls into different houses, with “Hajime” staying with the girls.

The elevator that connected the two houses was broken, so “Hajime” couldn’t interact with any of the other boys.

For Kamukura, this meant he was sending all his time at Grape House watching over the boys. Of course, most of his energy was focused on Komaeda.

Of course, he also was interested in the Final Dead Room. When Monokuma said there are secrets waiting there for those who dare enter; he just had to check it out.

Being an AI not set as a student, he was able to enter the room with no fuss. The only difficulty proved to be finding the files she promised. Kamukura couldn’t interact with most things, so he had to look through the code to find it. Yet, Enoshima hid it well.

“Oh, Kamukura-senpai~! I *know* you’re looking through the code I made.” She leans against his shoulder and puts the back of her hand on her forehead. “I feel so violated! You pervert looking through my files!”

“You mentioned to the remnants that you stored secrets in here. I’m only looking for those.”

“Oh, wow, I didn’t realize you’d care about those.” She crossed her arms, “I thought you knew everything about these guys.” She laughs, “I made sure I didn’t share *too* much info in these. I really doubt you’d find anything new in those.” She snaps her fingers, making a file folder appear in her hands. “You know what, I don’t really care either way.” She hands the folder to the man, “here.”

Kamukura holds the folder in his hands, he looks at it, and then back up at Enoshima.

“Oh, come on! Don’t make me regret it!”’

A door opening could be heard, and the two turned to look at it. It was Tanaka at the door.

“Omgomgomgomg!!” She sends a Monokuma into the room, immediately talking to the man.

Kamukura takes this as his chance to leave.

-

Kamukura had suspicions of this, but now they were confirmed. He already knew “Hajime” was a Reserve Course student with no talent. It’s no wonder he cannot remember his talent, he must have blocked out that he’s talentless since he hated that fact.

Besides that, everything else in the folder was true and basic. Just the student files of each remnant, what they did as remnants, and such. It got into gory detail, which isn’t surprising knowing Enoshima.

In the end, it was worth it to read the folder. Even if it didn’t share much new information for Kamukura, he at least got confirmation about “Hajime”.

He admits his past self fascinates him to no end, it wasn’t always like that. Yet, after watching him for weeks and having conversations with him; he can’t deny there is *something* there. Especially since they had this emotional link now, if Kamukura understood “Hajime” more, he’d be able to understand anyone.

Of course, his focus was on Komaeda. Since neither he nor “Hajime” could understand the man.

In the Fun House, the two men have been spending their free time together. Since Kamukura nudged “Hajime” to give Komaeda a chance and understand him before he makes a judgment.

Although, there were some times “Hajime” got too prickly or when Komaeda got too intense.

It was riveting to watch nonetheless.

“What in the world *is* hope to you, anyways?” “Hajime” stood across from Komaeda with his arms crossed. 

[I’m starting to regret listening to his freak of a shadow clone, but hey dreams are supposed to be subconscious thoughts or some shit. Maybe I really *want* to understand this… Guy.]

“Why am I so misunderstood… It’s just something I want to believe in. You really need to think it over seriously. What do you think hope is?”

[He’s right I never thought about it before. Well, for him it’d be…]

Kamukura had a very specific view on hope since he was created to be the Ultimate Hope after all.

It was a complex and personal opinion, even if he wouldn’t admit it. He was just like Komaeda in that way, but they did reach different outcomes. 

This whole killing game is so Kamukura can see which is better; hope or despair. Currently, he still can’t say which one will win.

Now they were presented with the question, but surprisingly, it was “Hajime” that was able to answer.

“It’s… Absolute good.”

Komaeda clapped his hands together with a smile, “that’s exactly it! And it’s something you guys can embody… As long as the seeds of hope are planted, I’ll gladly kill or be killed.” He laughs, “the fact that I’m still alive is hope in itself!”

[I still have no clue what he’s talking about… It doesn’t seem like he does this for his selfish desires… Which freaks me out more somehow…]

“Huh, Hinata-kun are we done talking? You have this vacant look on your face… We can talk later, right?” He turns away, “after all, we’re both friends who yearn for hope.”

“Hajime” watches him leave, and Kamukura mirrored the same sentiment as him.

[Do we really share the same type of hope?]

-

Kamukura didn’t have much to do at night, it wasn’t like he needed to sleep.

So of course, a loud bang in the middle of the night caught his attention.

Once he got where the sound came from, he was greeted by Enoshima.

“Fucking crazy, right? That goth furry killed a robot. And I *just* brought that fucker back to life.” She laughs and then breathes out suddenly, “it’s sooooo cool though, right? Like the way he figured out to kill a beast like that, I’m impressed!” She grabbed Kamukura’s right arm and held it close to her chest, “what do you think, Kamukura-senpai~?”

“It’s… Tragic.”

“WOOAAHH!! I didn’t think I’d get an answer like *that*” She pulled his arm down, and look at his face. “You’re been more emotionally available recently, what the fuck is wrong with you? I thought those old fucks’ did a better job of getting rid of your emotions.”

“We both know you already know the answer to that question.”

“Jeez! You’re really no fun!” She stomped her feet and puffed out her cheeks, “you can never play along, huh?”

“I can, just not the way you want me to.”

She pulled on her pigtails and screamed in annoyance.

“*God*, I love the way you make me feel sometimes… It makes me feel such wonderful despair!” She dances her finger on his chest, “I don’t know why you can’t feel the same towards me!”

“Says the one who said I don’t feel emotions.”

“Touche.”

-

Komaeda proved to be especially captivating to Kamukura recently. After the boys found out what happened to Nidai, Komaeda went to the Final Dead Room.

Of course, Kamukura followed.

Komaeda entered the room, and the door shut behind him.

“So this is the Final Dead room… It’s eerie, hope I don’t get scared!”

“Oh no, I thought that could be my way out… Wait, Komaeda-kun…?”

“Monomi-san..? What are you doing here?”

“Ooooh, I’m trapped in here. I hear the body discovery announcement… I thought it would happen here…””

“And then you got locked in. I see, you’re a fool from head to toe.”

“Yeah… I’m embarrassed…!”

“Not like I care much. Just don’t get in the way.”

“Of course! Just ask when you need help, okay?” Then Monomi notices Kamukura behind Komaeda, “what… why are you her-”

Kamukura made a shushing movement, “don’t you make my presence known.”

“…Monomi-san, did you say something?”

“NOPE! I’m just thinking out loud…”

“Please refrain from doing that, I need to focus in silence.”

She nodded quickly, then she looks at Kamukura. She sweats and tears up.

“I’ll only talk to you with yes or no questions, so just shake your head and stay quiet, okay?”

She nods.

Komaeda goes to the bars, “looks like we can’t get out of here until those get out of the way.”

“Yeah… I tried to open them but my arms weren’t strong enough.”

Komaeda looked at her with a neutral expression, “you tried to pry them open?”

“… It sounds silly when you say it like that…”

Kamukura doesn’t look at Monomi, still focused on Komaeda. “Did Monokuma prevent you from teleporting out of the room?”

Monomi jumped and opened her mouth. Then remembering what she was told, covered it with her paws. She nodded.

“He must have thought it was funny to make you do the game yourself, then.”

Monomi cried.

Komaeda peaked his head into the closet, not looking at Monomi. “Monomi-san, are you crying? Do you think you can do it silently?” He held a wired hanger, “I’m trying to think here.”

Monomi looked at Kamukura, her eyes were glossy.

“Don’t look at me like that. If anything you being here is more distracting than what I could ever be.” Kamukura sat next to her, “at least he can see you and talk with you.”

She looked at him with a curious look, “are you jealous?” She whispered into his ear.

Kamukura looked at Komaeda. He was at the desk looking over a piece of paper, he didn’t react to what Monomi said.

“Perhaps. It is rather inconvenient to be invisible, but Enoshima thought it’d be funny if I couldn’t be seen. She acts like I’m some ghost.”

Monomi giggled.

“Monomi-san,” Komaeda turned and looked at her. “Are you laughing at my total incompetence? Well, I think it’s a little harsh to judge before I even finished trying, but I understand the judgment!”

“Oh, Komaeda-kun, I could *never* judge you! You are one of my wonderful students! I’m only laughing because… I remembered… Umm..” She looked at Kamukura for help.

“Say the code on the paper is nautical directions.”

“Oh, the code on the paper is nautical directions.”

Komaeda looked at her for a moment, thinking it over. “Yeah, that makes sense… You must have seen this before I came in.” He looks at the numbers written on the walls, “I’m surprised you figured it out! I didn’t take your seriously when you said you’d help, thanks.”

She’s aghast, “… thanks…umm… you’re welcome?”

Komaeda goes to the combination safe and enters the code, it opens up. “Well, look at that! You were right Monomi.” He grabs the camera and USB stick.

Monomi looks at Kamukura, “thanks…”

“Now what to do with these…” Komaeda goes back to his deep thinking, ignoring Monomi.

Kamukura sighs, “you never looked around did you?”

Monomi looks at her paws and shakes her head.

“It’s been about two hours since you got in here, and you didn’t think once to look around to find a way to escape?”

“I didn’t want to have to shoot myself, is that so crazy?”

Komaeda whipped his head in her direction, “Monomi-san, are you okay? Are you talking to yourself or… Are you talking to someone else?” He holds the hook he made to his chest, “maybe you’re just talking to a pretend friend because talking to me would be an awful experience, right?”

“No, no nothing like that! I… Have been talking to you… I just…” She looks at Kamukura again.

“Say you had a moment of stress.”

“I… Am just stressed… That’s all…”

“Sure, whatever you say.” Komaeda didn’t believe her but didn’t have enough evidence to point fingers yet. So he left it be.

He knelt next to the bed and used the hook to try to grab something hiding under it.

Kamukura watched him from behind.

Monomi hit Kamukura on the shoulder, “that’s not school appropriate, stop looking!” She screamed in a whisper.

“Monomi-san,” Komaeda didn’t stop what he was doing, “I’m starting to think you’re talking to your invisible friend.”

“I don’t have an invisible… Friend…” She covered her eyes, “I’m just saying my thoughts out loud…”

Kamukura sighs, “saying that doesn’t make you look good.” He didn’t look away from the view.

“I would never treat my students that way!”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t, Monomi-san… I’m more concerned about your mental state now.” Komaeda stood up and dusted himself up, “are you stable enough to be a teacher?”

“Komaeda-kun, I am *very* mentally healthy! I was programmed to be the perfect teacher after all.” She puffed out her chest.

He held a key in his hands. “They must have not had good experiences with teachers then.”

“My programmer had one of the best teachers ever! Plus, she-”

Komaeda opened the locked drawer and held the scissors it contained. He looked back at her, “she what?”

“I don’t think I should say…”

“Okay, I’m not good enough to share secrets with anyways.”

“That’s not…”

Komaeda cut open the Monokuma plushie with the scissors and pulled out batteries.

Kamukura stares at the destroyed Monokuma, “seeing that reminds me of our past.”

She leans in and whispers, “our..?”

“I and Komaeda used to destroy Monokumas for fun. Well, it was fun for him. He enjoyed watching me easily dispose of them. I didn’t feel anything, but he enjoyed it so I did it.”

“Oh, I see you wanted to make him happy!” She giggled.

“Monomi-san.” Komaeda didn’t look at her, his eyes were focused on the computer screen. “Who are you talking to?”

Kamukura sighed, “you really need to learn to not speak.”

“I- I just… Wanted to say that… No reason…”

Komaeda sighed and looked at her. “Are you referring to me in that statement? Am I the ‘you’ or the ‘him’, or am I presumptuous to even imagine myself in such a situation?”

Monomi squealed, she looked at Kamukura who was glaring at her. “I don’t… Want to say…”

“Okay. I don’t deserve an answer anyways.” He sighs, “you’re really not helping me by babbling nonsense. I told you to stay out of the way… Hmm, maybe that was selfish of me to ask for such a thing. Although, I asked *you* so is it really that selfish?”

Monomi was crying, and Kamukura crossed his arms. “Ask him what he’s trying to do.”

“Komaeda-kun… I want to be useful… What are you trying to do?”

“Well, I’m trying to figure out the code for the computer. Not quite sure what to put. I don’t expect you to know it.”

“Don’t be so sure… I…” She looks at Kamukura, “can help…” She walks over to the man, and motions for Kamukura to follow.

She looked at the screen, “oh umm… Yeah… It must be… The…”

Kamukura looked over Komaeda’s shoulder, it was obvious what the answer was to him. And he could tell it was to Komaeda too. He must be playing dumb so Monomi can tell him the answer. So he does this game outside of trials too.

“Ask to see the camera and memo.”

“‘Can I see the camera and memo you found?”

Komaeda’s eyes lit up, “of course.”

Kamukura and Monomi looked at the items.

Kamukura looked at the screen again, “tell him it’s the first letter of the planets, in the order of the planets. That’s the code.”

“It looks like the code is the first letter of the planets, in order.”

Komaeda clapped his hands together, “wonderful job, Monomi-san! Your hope is shining bright, I would have never expected it!”

“Thanks, I think.”

Kamukura felt a fuzzy feeling in his chest, but he didn’t know why.

Komaeda entered the code on the screen, then the computer screen showed a grid of dots with numbers.

“It looks like a game of Othello…” Komaeda sighed, “that doesn’t sound right.” He looks at the digital clock, “maybe the lights on that correspond to a number here.”

“Well, even if it does, how will you enter numbers on it?”

“There is only one thing here that can input numbers, of course, that’s the answer!”

Monomi steps back, “of course…”

Komaeda enters the code into the combination safe, and then the bars lower into the ground.

“Yay! Komaeda we did it with our combined powers. We cleared the room!” She waves at Kamukura as a ‘thank you’.

“Who cares about clearing it…? Why doesn’t it feel like the exit isn’t open?”

“It’s not open..?” She tries to open the door, “ahhh! It’s not open?!”

“I just told you that…”

“The game musn’t be over yet.”

“Oh, I wonder if this has anything to do with the paper I found when I came in here. I thought it was just a joke…”

“Is there something you want to share?”

“I got a letter when I first got in here, I thought it was a joke so… I forgot to tell you about it…”

“Enough with the excuses. Hurry up and show it to me.”

She sheepishly hands it to him.

He reads the note, “looks like I need to play Russian Roulette in order to get out of here.”

“W-what?! You can’t do that! That’s too dangerous!”

“How is that dangerous?”

“It’s Russian Roulette! You know you have to put one bullet into the barrel and spin it the shot yourself! That means you have a one in a sixth chance of death! How is that not dangerous?!”

“That’s a pretty small likelihood of getting killed. I mean it’s only one-sixth of a chance. Doesn’t that seem easy to you? It should be the opposite, I’ll remove a bullet so there are five bullets loaded. So that would be one-sixth of success.” He laughs, “wouldn’t that be more thrilling?”

“Y-you’d actually do that?”

“Yep, I’m doing it right now!”

“Noo!” She looks at Kamukura, “was he always like this?”

Kamukura looks fond, “yes.”

“Komaeda-kun, why??”

“Since my talent is luck, that should mean I should survive. If I didn’t survive with a one-sixth chance, is my luck really ultimate?”

“P-please stop…”

He fires, and the gun clicks. No bullet came out just like he hoped. In response, the door clicked open.

“Haha, looks like we finally cleared the Final Dead Room!”

“I’m… Scared of you Komaeda-kun…” She looks at Kamukura, “I’m scared of you…”

“Oh, really?” He shrugs, “oh, well, let’s go then. The Octagon should be beyond that door.”

They go through the door. There are boxes of weapons lining and walls, and a window at the end of the hallway.

Monokuma appears out of nowhere to greet them, “congrats, Komaeda. You completed the Final Dead Room.”

Monomi squealed, “ahhh, he’s here too??”

Monokuma ignores her, “and on the highest difficulty too! I got a special present just for you!” He hands him the Future Foundation file.

“Wait, didn’t we already get this?”

“It’s extra info I left out before, haha. Couldn’t have all of you guys knowing everything, now can I?”

Monomi huffs, “did you get that without permission?!”

She is ignored again, “and here are your student files from Hope’s Peak!” He hands the folder to Komaeda.

His eyes light up, “I can’t believe this…”

Monokuma looks Kamukura dead in the eyes, “I’m sure you’ll find stuff in there that tickles your fancy.” He giggles, “I wonder if it’s lucky or unlucky that *you* of all people got to see this. Well either way you’re gonna make things more interesting.” He looks at Kamukura again, “and isn’t that *exactly* what you wanted?”

Komaeda raises a brow, “what do you mean by ‘you’?”

“Whelp, I gotta get going now! Come on Monomi, you cheater!” He grabs her arm aggressively and drags her back to the door, “you didn’t finish the game yet!”

The two left the room screaming their own woes.

Komaeda looks at the student folder, “looks like I’m alone now.” He sighs, “I’ll deal with you later.” He puts the folder in his jacket and begins to look around the room.

Kamukura watches him in silence, sure if he wanted he could speak. It wasn’t like Komaeda could hear him, but what would be the point?

He moved aside to let Komaeda move around and peeked over his shoulder when he inspected objects. He acted like he was investigating with him, or maybe it was more like watching an animal to him. He couldn’t quite place the feeling.

Komaeda spoke quietly to himself while he was looking around, like doing so made him feel like he wasn’t alone. He had this strange sense that he wasn’t alone too.

“Usually, I always feel like someone is watching and judging me… But now…” He opens a fridge, “it’s more like a curious stare, I don’t know how to describe it.” He laughs and closes the door, “maybe that poison would be useful, huh? Maybe you agree, maybe not. Not like you can respond.”

Kamukura’s eyes widen slightly, “knowing you you’d find a use for it.”

“It doesn’t matter anyways, I figure something out if I need to.” He looks at the door on the floor, “wait… I’m on the 1st floor, right? There wasn’t a bunker in the sketch… Huh…” He laughs, “this got interesting..!”

He turned the corner and walked over to the window, “why would there be a window here?” He steps closer, “in actuality, what could this mean?” He looks through the window and laughs. He laughs long and loud, it turns raspy after a while. He suddenly stops himself, “it all makes sense now.”

Kamukura stood next to him, his head hovering over his shoulder. “I knew you would figure it out.” There was a fondness in his tone that he didn’t know he could muster.

Komaeda was proving the fight between hope and despair could be interesting.

-

Hinata appeared in the dark room again, he felt mad and scared. He didn’t want to open the door, but it opened itself. Making him come inside.

Shadow was sitting there, as he always does. But now, Hinata could see the lower half of their face. He watched their mouth move as they talked.

“Hello again, Hajime.” Shadow paused, “you don’t look well.”

“Ya think, genius?” He sat down in the other chair, “look I didn’t want to come here, but I was pushed in. Was that *your* doing?” He glared at Shadow, resting his elbow on the table.

“No, I have no control over the door. I only am allowed in this room.” Shadow paused, “well, I used to be able to go outside, but since we got here, I’ve been locked in here.”

Hinata relaxed his shoulders, “‘ever since we got here..?’ Do you know why?”

Shadow didn’t speak for a while, “I think you have an idea why now, don’t you?”

Hinata’s head pounded, and he sweated. “What do you mean by that?”

“Komaeda told you, you were a reserve course student with no talent.” When he said that more of Shadow’s face was visible, Hinata was able to see freckles on his cheeks. “Once he said that you denied it, but it caused you to remember it was true.”

“Shut up..! I don’t like this…” Hinata’s hands shake.

“I’m sorry, Hajime, I really am.” They sigh, “you had to find out at some point.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Hinata grabbed his hair, “you know *everything*, so why can’t you tell me any of it?”

Shadow looked at Hinata with a frown, and Hinata could see a faint red glow coming from their eyes. Even if he still couldn’t see their eyes, that red glow triggered something in him. Hinata’s pupils were small as he stared at Shadow like he didn’t want to say what he was thinking out loud.

“You remember who I am, don’t you?” As Shadow spoke, the shadow over their eyes disappeared. Hinata could see their face in full now, their red eyes bore into his soul in a way he didn’t want to think over. He knew this guy was him, or at least a version of him, but Shadow having the same face as him was too much for him.

“No… NO!” Hinata stood up from his chair and stepped away from Shadow slowly, “I don’t want to remember, this is fucking ridiculous…”

Before Shadow could respond, the door burst open, letting light in.

-

Kamukura knew it would happen eventually, that “Hajime” would remember things. Although, he never excepted him to have memories of the project. Their mental link seemed lessened after that encounter, Kamukura assumed “Hajime” was hiding from him.

Maybe it was better for him to be alone for a while.

Although that wasn’t the thing plaguing Kamukura’s mind. Komaeda has been scheming and sneaking around more than usual. This peaked Kamukura’s interest, ever since he read the files Komaeda has been distant from everyone, even Nanami didn’t see him much.

However, Enoshima knew what he was up to, and she made sure Kamukura knew all about it.

“Heyyy, Kami-senpai~!” Enoshima grabbed Kamukura’s hair and wrapped it around her neck, she stood chest to chest with him. “Did you miss me, babe?”

“Not peculiarly.”

“Oooh~, you’re buttering me up, huh?” She put her face closer to his, “ya know, that boy toy of ours has been planning a mass murder, right?” She giggled, “oh, wait! You didn’t!” She laughed harder, “you haven’t been able to see him recently… Did you have some lover’s quarrel?” She stepped back and slapped her forehead, “ooooOOooOo, waiiiit! I fowgot, he doesn’t know you exist!” She pulls harder at his hair, “well, I shouldn’t say that, huh? He read that talentless boy’s file, so he knows your existence now.” She started to braid his hair, “you know, I think that’s just *beautiful*! It’s like love prevails all! I remember what you guys were like before and *after* my death after all.” She cackled, and held her stomach, releasing the hair. “If you can even call your little agreement love, it was def a bastardized version of it.”

“You’ve been helping him, haven’t you?”

Enoshima’s eyes glitter and she squeals, “oh don’t say it like that! You’re making it sound like I’m the other girl!” She sighs, “look buster, he asked me to help set it up since he knew I’d do almost anything as long as he made it an interesting murder. So obvi I put my part in! You know we’re near the end, I mean the readers must be dying for this to end. We’re at what, like over 11k words, right?” She groans, “breaking the fourth wall can be so cringe, right? I mean I’m a serious person here, doing a joke like that is beneath me…”

Kamukura’s brows furrow, and Enoshima notices, giggling at him. “Where has he been?”

“Oh, you know the fifth island, I just opened it up.” Her eyes widened, “have you not been there or something?” She grinned like a devil, “oh, is it because your body double has been locking himself in his room all alone?”

Kamukura didn’t say anything.

“So that’s why, huh? Wanna protect him or something? Or like keep an eye on him?” She pops her cheeks with her acrylic nails, “is it because your boytoy has been a big ol’ meanie to him?”

“You could call it the inciting incident.”

“Oh! A literary term! How clever! How appropriate!” Enoshima clapped her hands, “either way, that bitch is a depressive mess, lmaooo. Kinda bummer tho, like bringing my mood down.” She turns, “I got Monokuma to like get him out of his cabin, but he wasn’t very responsive.” She darts her head to look into his eyes, “did you do anything to him? I know you’ve been talking to him *somehow*, but it’s not like I can see into his head, or anyone’s for that matter. Well, I am the Ultimate Analyst so I basically can do that shit!” She pauses, “although, I was never the best at reading you since you have the same talent you know how to prevent it.”

Kamukura didn’t say anything.

Enoshima tsked, “not even giving me anything with words, huh? Okay, be boring, I think I could bother Komaeda more anyways. Not like I need to watch some gay ass shit since you’re stuck here.” She held her fingers in an L-shape on her forehead, “later loser.”

Then she disappeared into the wind.

Kamukura sighed, he really needed to help “Hajime”, but he refused all help from him.

There was only one way he could fix this; he was going to give Nanami a visit.

-

Kamukura is at Nanami’s front door, he knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Her voice came through the walls.

He let himself inside, he phased through the door. Nanami didn’t look up from her game, “I said come in!”

“I’m right here, Nanami.”

She gasped but didn’t look up from her game. “Based on the voice, I’m gonna say you’re Kamukura-kun, right? I mean Hinata-kun can’t get inside without opening my noisy door, I think.”

“Yes, it’s me.” He stood in the doorway, unmoving.

Nanami beat the level and looked up from the screen, “you can sit down wherever, I don’t care.”

Kamukura looked around, and Nanami looked back at her screen. He decided to sit on the ground across from her.

“So… Why did you come and see me?” A scream came from the console, “you haven’t done what before. It’s always me taking my time to speak to you.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve been focused on other things.”

“You don’t have to apologize, we’re friends, I understand.” She smiles, “I know you don’t think of those things anyways, probably.” A horn sound came from her game, she looked up at him. “So, what did you wanna talk about?”

“I wanted… Your help.” Nanami looked back down at her game, but he knew she was listening. “It’s about Komaeda, and I suppose “Hajime” too.”

“Oh, I see. Well, it’s a related subject then?”

“Yeah, it’s linked. Do you remember what happened in the funhouse? When Komaeda showed up out of nowhere, berating “Hajime”?”

A slashing sound came from the console, “oh yeah, of course. It was unsettling, to say the least. I mean he found out almost everything and took out his anger on Hinata-kun.”

Kamukura’s face relaxed, “yes. Well, “Hajime” didn’t take it well.” He’s been locking everything out, you noticed, I’m sure.”

She nods.

“He has locked me out too. Our mental link has lessened, and I’m… Worried about him.”

Nanami paused her game and looked at Kamukura.

“It must be very serious, I’m sorry Kamukura-kun.” She sighs, “I know Hinata-kun better than anyone else here, probably. He’s hard-headed, but he’s very emotional. It’s not a bad thing, he just can’t think things through when he gets too overwhelmed.”

“Yes… It’s been difficult to reach through to him.” He sighs, “He doesn’t want to think about who I am or what we went through. I want him to know these memories aren’t a bad thing. They aren’t from a good time, but it’s our memories.”

“Wow, I never excepted that from you. Maybe from Hinata-kun, I guess he was a bigger influence on you than I thought.” She smiles, “maybe you two aren’t as separate as everyone thinks.”

“That is part of it, yes.”

“What’s the other part?”

“Seeing all the remnants from before they became brainwashed gave me a new perspective. They don’t seem as predictable as before… Especially Komaeda.”

She giggled, “yeah, he’s a… umm… Eccentric. Like he’s odd, but he’s nice. He stands out pretty easily.”

“That’s not exactly what I meant.” He paused, “do you know about anything that happened after you died?”

“Well, I was given all of the information and Future Foundation files for the remnants, plus some key events for everything. So I have the jist of it, but I don’t like know many details, I think.”

“You didn’t have much information about me then.”

“Nope. Only your interactions with Enoshima-san, but even those are sparse. There are some mentions of you being around other remnants, aiding them since you were ordered to. Not too many of those events were recorded though, Future Foundation couldn’t keep up with everything.” She clicks her tongue, “also, you were in Towa after Enoshima-san died, but we don’t know what you did there. And that’s it.”

“You kept a close eye on the genocide in Towa, you never noticed what I was up to.”

“Hmm… What were you doing?”

“I hung around Komaeda and the Warriors of Hope. It was a way to pass time while I was thinking over… Setting this game up.”

“Oh.” She looked over his shoulder, “so is that why you’re more focused on him.”

He gave her a blank expression, but it felt shy.

She giggled, “oh, did you want to talk about it?”

“Perhaps…”

She smiled wider and gave him a thumbs-up.

“Well, I’m concerned he’ll die soon. The fact that I don’t want that to happen, is strange.” He looks at his hand, “I never was meant to feel this way.”

“And what’s wrong with that?” He looked into her eyes, she was determined. “It doesn’t matter what others think you should do or are capable of. What matters is what you want to do, and what you want to try to do.”

Kamukura stayed silent after that, and Nanami silently sat with him. She never picked up her game until he left.

-

Kamukura has connected to “Hajime” again, but this is not the way he wanted it to happen.

Komaeda was dead.

He felt “Hajime’s” distress, and it made him panic. It was feelings he has never felt before, it was too overwhelming. Kamukura thought maybe, he was *too* connected to “Hajime” now.

“Hajime” sat next to the body, and the survivors stood behind him in shock. Yet, he didn’t acknowledge them. Kamukura sat next to “Hajime”, staring into Komaeda’s eyes.

Nanami crotched next to them, “hey, are you doing okay?”

She was talking to both of them, but it was “Hajime” who responded. “Have I ever been okay since I got here?”

“No… But you know what I mean, probably.”

“Yeah… Sorry Nanami… I’ll be fine. I just need to investigate and get this over with. I can grieve later…” He stood up, but still had his focus on the body.

Nanami stayed with Kamukura. She nudged him, making him look up at her.

“I will be fine too…”

“Hajime” scratched the back of his head, he looked confused. “Nanami..?”

Nanami stood up and smiled sadly, “okay… That will be good for now.”

-

Hinata was back in the dark room, but the door was already open. He stepped slowly, and looked into the room before entering.

Shadow looked up at him, his face was completely visible. His red eyes still made Hinata feel ill.

“Hello, Hajime.”

“You…” He walked into the room, and stood in front of the table. “Why is the door open?”

“It based on how open you are. A clear metaphor, isn’t it?”

“Don’t be fucking coy with me! I don’t *feel* open. What does that *even* mean?!”

“Kamukura” folded his hands on the table, “it means you wanted to talk to me. You are having a spiral, and are questioning everything.”

“Yeah, no shit. After seeing the people I consider to be closest with dying on the same day would make me spiral and question shit. Fuck you.”

“Hajime, please, I am also mourning for them. They are just as important to me as they are to you.” He leans in, “please, we should talk about this. I think it’s time to share everything to get the full picture.” He sighs, “I want the best for you, I want you to know.”

“What’s with the vulnerability? Usually, you’re like… Detached and emo…” He sat down slowly, “it’s like kinda scaring me.”

“Do you remember the Kamukura Project?”

Hinata stared at him, eyes wide. “N-no… I-”

“It’s okay to remember. The memoires aren’t a prison.”

Hinata breathed out and closed his eyes, “it’s you, right? It’s how I died… For a promise of talent… I didn’t even get to survive to see it.”

“Hmm, yes. I’m sorry, Hajime.”

“I wish I could have been you.”

“I wish I could have been you, too.”

Hinata looked up, “why would you want to be a loser like me?”

“You had everything I didn’t, and I envy that. I was never concerned that having emotions and memories would be so dreadful, but after I lived I learned life was boring without them.” He sat straighter, “all I wanted was to be like everyone else, then maybe I could escape the monotony.”

Hinata gaped at “Kamukura”, “seriously? You want to live a normal life? Believe me, it’s boring as hell. Why would you even *want* that?”

“Having every talent makes everything easy, with no effort or love involved. I would be told my art was soulless and my help was meaningless. All because I couldn’t connect with anything emotionally or personally. Humans are social creatures, and I wished I could be a part of that.”

Hinata held his head in his hands and breathed out, “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry… I- I didn’t think that’d happen…”

“You cannot change the past.”

“True…”

“Since you remember who I am, do you remember what I am?”

Hinata looked at him, “nah, everything after the surgery is blacked out.”

They spent the rest of the night talking. “Kamukura” told Hinata all about the Incident, the apocalypse afterward, his time as Enoshima’s lapdog, and his time with Komaeda in Towa City.

Hinata had the full picture but he couldn’t believe it, it was all too much.

He had his hands in his lap and was leaning forward. Tears formed in his eyes, and the bags under his eyes were noticeable. “So… We were a terrorist and had a fucked up terrorist family with Komaeda of all people?”

“In layman’s terms, yes.”

“Fuck okay…” He bonked his head on the table, face down. “I don’t want to know…”

-

Even when he already knew everything, her words stabbed his soul.

He was the mastermind, the one who put him and all his friends through Hell.

It was never your fault.

Hinata turned around and saw “Izuru” behind him.

“What…? You… “Izuru”…” He rubbed his eyes, “why are you here? What’s happening-?” He holds his chest, “why is my heart beating so fast?”

“Izuru” grabbed onto Hinata’s shoulders and squeezed, “you’re having a panic attack.”

“Huh…?” He looked at his trembling hands, “oh fuck great.”

“It will be okay Hajime, we’ll be okay.”

“Easy for you to say, like fuck you planned this fucked up killing game”

“Izuru” stayed silent for a while, “yes… I wanted to see which was better; hope or despair.”

“That’s fucking dumb, and you know it.” He pushed “Izuru” away, “I just wish you’d leave me alone for a minute…”

-

Hajime was gone.

Kamukura was alone in a dark space, but it was different than the one in his head. Like he was inside a computer breaking apart, and he was.

He walks around for a while, but it was meaningless; there wasn’t anything of note. Only glitching out scenery and voices of dead classmates.

“Kamukura-kun…?”

He whipped his head in the direction of the sound, no one should know he exists. It wasn’t Enoshima, she wouldn’t say it so… Genuine. His eyes widened, it was Komaeda. He looked completely fine like he was still alive.

“Komaeda, how are you here?”

He looked side to side, “I don’t really know where ‘here’ is in all honesty…” He smiled, “but I’m glad to see you again!” He steps forward and grabs Kamukura’s hands, “I know it’s presumptuous to say, but I missed you, my Kamukura-kun…”

He looked up at the other man. “You remember me.”

“Hmm?” He looked up and into his eyes, “of course I do. How could I forget someone like you?”

“Dying traumatized your brain enough to remember everything, right?”

He smiled brightly, “you always are.” He held Kamukura’s hands closer to his chest, “did you find out what won?” His eyes started to swirl, and his smile looked creepier.

“No…”

His smile drops slightly, and his eyes go blank, “I see… Well, that doesn’t matter now. Hinata-kun and the ultimates are figuring that out now, right?”

“Yes.”

His smile returns and the grip on Kamukura’s hands tighten. “My plan to get rid of all the ultimate despairs failed… It’s a pity… Although, our original plan is going swimmingly.” He steps closer to Kamukura, but only their intertwined hands separate their chests. “I’m sorry I went off script… My memory is awful normally, but this time I have a pretty good excuse, huh?” He giggles and puts his arms around his shoulders, “you are acting different than normal… Did something happen?”

Kamukura rests his forehead on Komaeda’s, “being in this game has made me reclaim lost emotions and memories…”

“Oh..?”

“It’s due to the programming forcing Hajime to return, we have merged in a way. Although, not completely.”

“Hmm, sounds rough on both of you. I mean I know both of you well, or at least I like to think I do. Maybe saying that is too pompous of me…”

“No, you’re right… You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“Wow, you’re really different now… I’m surprised you would even say that to me of all people.”

“I always thought it… It just never felt necessary to say.”

“Hmm…” He plays with Kamukura’s hair with his fingers, “I find that unbelievable, but you’ve never lied to me before… And I would never imply that you ever would either! However…” He smiles, “I’ll let it slide this time.”

“You’re acting different than normal too.”

“Hmm… I suppose I am.” He laughs, “maybe we both had some clarity in this simulation. Was hell to get through though… I’ve been thinking a lot since I read those files and now…” He holds Kamukura tighter and puts his head on his shoulder and whispers, “I wish we didn’t have to choose who wins.”

Kamukura’s eyes widen, “you don’t want to prove if hope or despair prevails anymore?”

“Shush… Don’t tell anyone…” He giggles, “maybe I trust you too much… But I can’t help it…”

Komaeda felt a sudden shift, there were arms around his waist and he was being held closely. He leaned back, and was met with the same face, but how he sported short, white hair.

“Hinata-kun..? No wait, is that you Kamukura-kun?”

“I’m both of them.” He had this voice that echoed in Komaeda’s head, it was truly beautiful. “I think you’re right.”

“Right..? About what?”

He held the man closer and looked into his eyes. It was a strange thing for Komaeda, neither of these men gave him much eye contact. Those red eyes were analytical like before but now they had this hopeful determination in them. Komaeda could look into those eyes for hours.

“Hope and despair don’t really matter, don’t they?”

“What…?”

“Don’t act all coy with me. I was there when you said it…”

“Hmm… There’s the Hinata-kun I know…” He smiled and it was genuine this time.

He scoffed, “I never really went away.”

“It felt like you did…” He grabbed Hinata’s face, “I missed you…”

“Uhuh… Missed you too.”

Komaeda giggles, “I’m sure you did.”

Hinata’s thoughts were clearest than they had ever been. Even when he tried, he couldn’t completely shut out Kamukura. He knew there was no division between the two of them.

He was Hajime Hinata, even if he was called Izuru Kamukura: he was still *him*.

He is Hajime Hinata.

The future was mysterious and unknown, yet that meant you could do anything with it. You could crave your own path and your own personal future.

They all heard it: future.

It was the hope for a change. It was not some muddled and glorified hope or despair, but a real tangible thing.

A second chance for the fallen.

[omegasmileyface]

Don't kids have privilege though? Like up there with white or straight privilege

if you mean that kids can generally get away with more things than that is somewhat true, but unlike the groups you listed which are given purposeless advantages, kids have more leeway because they are less capable of understanding situations and theyre consequences. theyre still learning, and the expectation is that when they grow older and gain experience, that extra leeway will go away because they can be expected to have a better understanding of their actions

its like being a student! if youre in a driver's ed class and you speed a little or miss a stop sign, your instructor will go "hey, you missed that. please pay more attention next time, ok?" rather than getting a ticket like you would if you were a licensed driver, since driving is a very difficult activity requiring you to get a lot of practicebwith a lot of new inputs. yes, even in a driver's ed class a mistake like that COULD have dire consequences, but (a) there are signals in place for other drivers to understand that this driver isnt as practiced in the rules of the road as they are (in this scenario, its "student driver" markers. for kids, its recognizing what kids look like) and (b) we expect people with a driver's license to know the rules better because they were able to get that license, which requires testing. we expect adults to know the rules of life better because they made the decision for themself, typically, to interact with others. children dont get to make that decision for themselves, so it wasnt them saying "yes, im ready for this" like an adult or a licensed driver. not my best analogy, but...

really, it's less of a "privilege", which implies an unfair advantage that others in your situation aren't getting because of systemic inequality. it is more of... an adjustment? it's like... oh my god whats the word. i forgot the word but those changes that are made available to disabled people so they can experience situations equitably with abled people. those. the same way someone might be more lenient with a person with narcolepsy for not being able to make a prior appointment because they were less able than an abled person to predict their ability to get there, someone might be more lenient with a 13 year old for lashing out during a social event because they were less able than an adult to regulate their emotions and judge their options. and they are less able! their hormones are working differently than an adult's, their brain is working differently, they have less practice with existing in the outside world. theyre a student; theyre new.

and then, similarly, a narcoleptic person may not be able to get a driver's license (woo back to driver's licenses lets go) because the same thing that gave them more leniency earlier makes them less able to hold responsibility over controlling a car. its unfortunate, but thats why we accomodate (thats the word!!) people when they just cant hold the same responsibilities because differences in their bodies (and brains, which are part of bodies) make it so they cant do the necessary tasks reliably. we try to give them other options. similarly, a child's natural issues with emotional regulation and decision making, discussed above, would give them *less* leeway in something like holding a political position or owning a credit card.

its not like racism or sexism where people say "oh, [marginalized group] is uncapable of being responsible, so we wont let them have any positions of power! [group that we prefer] will be able to do whatever they want." we're talking actual, scientific "their frontal cortexes aren't functioning the same way we expect participants in the adult social world to", and then saying "so let's provide equity however we can"

and you know what! kids (and very much, disabled people too) dont get nearly enough say in their lives in our current society! theyre not the ones saying "im not responsible enough to drive", its other people (who dont trust them to be responsible enough to make that decision) saying it for them. and its ALSO not them saying "well, i cant be trusted to know how to act in social situations, so you have to be softer on me." Its adults making THAT choice too.

long story short, kids, while being the same species as adults, and while we never truly stop maturing and we cant put hard lines on when agency and accountability come in full force, they CANNOT be expected to have the same mental patterns as adults. an 8 year old DOES NOT have as much practice with life and expectation and consequence and the world outside them as a 16 year old, and the 16 year old doesnt have as much as a 24 year old, etc. our hard lines on accountability and agency coming at the age of 18 are arbitrary, but someone playing their third game of basketball can't be expected to have all the rules memorized, and someone reading a book for the third time can't be expected to know how to pronounce all the words, and a kid going to the grocery store for the third time can't be expected to know that you have to pay for something before taking it. children come into this world without any preparation or being asked, and the best they can do is be a kid. thesis here bc im too wordy: punishing them for not knowing how to be an adult doesnt help anyone involved, so we try not to. its not a privilege to account for someone's uncontrollable lack of preparation for existing in the world. yknow?

anyway all that said i think youre responding to the post that said "hating humans who havent been alive for as long as you on principle isnt a good habit", and i feel like even if kids DID have some unfair advantage in life compared to older kids (sorry. i mean adults.) that shouldnt be an excuse to hate them? theyre literally just adults that havent been at it as long and thus have less practice and more hornones lol

[ask-third-circle]

I have been meaning to ask..

Why are the marks on toliki on the places they are?

Like, why cogs in the neck, hands, feet and eyes?

Is there any particular reason?

This is very long and full of spoilers, so get settled in and please keep your arms, legs and feelings inside the vehicle at all times!!!

<3

A long time ago, a fight ensued between Traebit and Deity (a man who was involved with the creation of arfri, Toliki's species)

As expected of Traebit, he was using mainly psychological means to torment his opponent, and began to step closer.

Deity's lover Scally (also involved in the creation of arfri) has had enough and runs over there to at least get in between the two.

But Traebit, excited on how much his words are affecting Deity, decides to strike.

Deity pushes Scally away.

Blood goes everywhere and Scally out of instinct covers his face, and so when the blood lands on him it lands kind of like this.

The chaos of bleeding and also seeing his lover covered in blood but calm enough to comfort him … how do I describe it? It became a core memory for Deity, and influenced the creation of Arfri, which he and Scally were working on together.

And so the body parts of Scally that had blood on them later became an important part of the shifter uniform:

In combination with colour rules, where black means responsibility/devotion and white means a new start/open to new possibilities …

The uniform is black meaning you should be a responsible shifter when you wear it … but sometimes, as shown by the white accents, it is necessary to break the small rules to keep the peace or serve the greater good

The fact that these same areas are where Toliki has his markings ...

...means that he has basically been told by the universe that no matter what new information or new opportunity comes his way, he is still a corrupted member of his species.

By the way, it would probably repulse other arfri to even see purple, let alone have purple in the areas of the body usually reserved for "open to new possibilities"

The reason there are cog shapes is because the category of creature he is is called a Cog. It's like having a tattoo of a rose if your name is Rose: A really obvious, non-metaphotical, slap-in-the-face reminder that he is Different and no matter what clothes he wears to hide it, his body will still display that he is CORRUPTED and should REMEMBER that he is a Cog even if he cannot BE a good cog.

The order of creature categories goes like this:

Unlimited - Gods, etc. Residents of the third circle e.g. Traebit, Pelor, Creator, other creator gods etc. Nothing stops them from doing what they want forever.

Wish Makers - ~Humans~ and similar creatures. They are only one level below gods themselves. They are not "unlimited" just because they HAVE LIMITS. Even if all diseases and ailments are cured, a body can only do so much. You only have so much time. You have to take breaks to eat and poop. Sometimes wish makers ask gods for special powers, but it's rare that this is actually given.

Immaterial - OH, IF ONLY I HAD A BODY!!! This category is for those who maybe have wishes, but cannot even begin to work on their goals because they don't have physical bodies to experience the world with. Sometimes they possess a physical creature, but it doesn't last for long. They prefer humans because of our sophisticated language abilities and the fact that we pride ourselves in making artworks. Some examples of immaterial are ghosts, and also ideas waiting to be born.

The Devoted - No wishing. No desire to change. Humans might make dolls and pretend to be gods. Immaterials might possess someone and pretend to own a body. But the devoted is a category that has no intention of becoming something different. It's worth noting that they are not BENEATH wish makers/immaterial, just seperate from them. (Imagine a 40 year old learning to drive for the first time and the instructor is 20. Maybe in life the older one knows more and could guide the younger one but in the case of driving, the younger one knows more.) Plants are in this category. All they do is grow and grow without any regard for whose perfect lawn they are interrupting. the Guardians are in this category too (remind me to make a post about the guardians lmao)

Cogs - Truly the only ones who ever get anything done. But it's such a shame that they have no free will. Arfri, for example, were created to serve shifters and protect them from evil. Humanise them all you want, but cogs are literally living tools. When was the last time a letter (in a word (in a sentence (in a book))) said to you "hold on i need to rest" ??? When a pen no longer produces ink, do you not throw it away? (unless it's a hello kitty pen, and then it still has a function; to be pretty, even if it doesn't write.)

[neonbitemarks]

It had been a set of unfortunate circumstances. Nikolai was going through a particularly turbulent rough patch. His episodes were occurring frighteningly frequently again, as though all of the progress he’d made over the last three years had suddenly vanished overnight, and the best anyone could hope for was that it was only temporary and would pass soon.

He’d been feverish again, though every effort had been made to combat that so that he would remain stable. Still, it took time to leave his system, and his healing factor was slower than usual, further hampering the situation. Nik hadn’t been able to leave the cage in days, a precaution for his safety, and that meant his family taking shifts to watch over him in case the side of him that seemed to hijack control during his blackouts attempted to harm him.

It was a small mercy that his grandfather was still visiting, meaning there was an extra pair of hands on deck to help out around the house and an extra person to watch over Nik while others got some sleep.

The hour was late, and the house was quiet.

Nikolai had woken up from his most recent bout of needing to be sedated with the steep dust system installed in the cell. Still, the episode had outlasted the dust’s effects this time around. Hence, the boy who had awoken was not in a pleasant mood, still groggy from being dosed and scowling up a storm. However, the threat of being put back under seemed to keep his self-destructive tendencies on a leash for now.

“Are you going to let me out yet? “he quizzed, knowing the answer, but he pushed his luck regardless.

“I’m afraid I cannot do that, at least for the time being,” the elder god replied calmly, seeming completely unfazed by the change in his grandson despite it being so upsetting for his parents to witness.

“What, in case I eat someone?” the boy leered.

“It is a matter of safety, yes, though more so your own than anyone you might harm since you seem only to target those proven to have hurt children.”

The boy’s eyes flicked up, a slight shift in his demeanor that seemed to be surprised.

“How did you...?”

“I know a lot of things, Nikolai.”

“Your precious little Nikki isn’t here, old man. Don’t you know that?”

“Oh, but he is. I’m looking at him right now,” Erebus countered. “And I am talking to him.”

“Don’t waste your breath. He can’t hear you right now.”

“Perhaps, but part of him is listening nonetheless.”

The boy saw what Erebus was getting at, taking a beat too long in responding to pretend that he didn’t.

“So? What’s your point?”

“My point is that, no matter what you choose to call yourself, you are still my grandson.”

“Is this the part where you try to appeal to my good side?”

“I’m simply stating that I recognize what you are.”

“Oh? And what is that, exactly?”

“The part of my grandson that remembers what happened to him.”

“Wow, clever. A real fucking eye-opener there, gramps. As if Nikki-boy’s therapist hadn’t already worked that one out? What other revelations have you got for me, hm, Captain fucking Obvious?”

“You don’t really want to hurt Nikolai.”

“I thought you said I was him?”

“You are, and you are the part of him that is in pain.”

“Again, not hearing anything new here….”

“You hurt yourself because you feel as though it’s the only way to get anyone to pay attention to your pain. You do it because you want them to see how much you are hurting, and you don’t know any other way to show them that is more effective than by spilling blood.”

The boy went quiet, another witty remark dying on his tongue as his grandfather summed up the driving force behind his behavior.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about…” he muttered, expression souring into a pout.

“That’s possible, but what if I am correct?” Erebus inquired, approaching the glass that separated them both. “Do you know what some animals do when caught in a trap? They lash out and bite anything that comes near, even if that thing is trying to help them. Some even gnaw off their trapped limb to free themselves.”

“How is that relevant?”

“Because right now I see that fourteen-year-old boy, trapped in the memory of what was done to him, fighting like hell to be free of it, even at the cost of hurting others and losing a piece of himself to escape it,” Erebus answered plainly. “Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll believe you.”

The boy in the cage looked away, trying to hide the faltering in his hostility as he fought to push his emotions down and control them once more.

When he turned back, his grandfather was no longer on the other side of the glass but inside the cage with him.

It startled him enough to make him jump, unsure how Erebus had managed it without physically opening the cell door since the whole thing had been spelled and warded up to the eyeballs to keep Nik safely confined and unable to escape.

“I know none of us can begin to imagine how much it must hurt, Nikolai,” Erebus stated gently, slowly moving closer, keeping his hands visible to not spook the boy further.

“Stop calling me that!” he spat in reply, his resolve crumbling. “I told you, he can’t hear you….”

“Then I’m telling you this. I know the pain is more than you can bear, and I know you’re scared, and that’s okay. You don’t have to hurt yourself to get my attention. I am listening, and I will stay here and listen for as long as you need,” the elder god affirmed. “And if you need me to talk to your mother on your behalf, I will do so, no matter what you have to say or how difficult it may be to hear.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because it has become clear to me that you need to be heard in a way that does not involve bloodshed, and whichever part of you called to ask for my help understood that hurting yourself is not getting you anywhere other than spending more and more time locked in here.”

The boy fell silent for a long moment, considering the old god’s words before he let a sniffle loose, his head hanging low as his posture sagged.

“I’m just so tired…” he whispered, voice cracking with exhausted desolation.

“I know you are, dear boy. Enduring what you have for as long as you have, and while still so young, is terrible beyond words, and admittedly, I, too, am not at all pleased with your aunts on this one. You deserved better than this. You deserve better.”

The boy broke down sobbing, looking so much younger at that moment as the broken, frightened child inside the older teen stopped fighting against efforts to help him for just a moment.

Erebus moved in to comfort his grandson, pulling him into a gentle but firm embrace and making soothing sounds.

“I promise you, you don’t have to suffer this alone,” he murmured, cradling the boy as though he was physically still that small child the elder god had carried around so often when he was little and fussing terribly.

“Let us help you.”