#We were talking yesterday and we talked today
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Mama, I’m in love with a criminal 2
Tags: Sukuna x fem!Reader, prisoner!Sukuna, dead dove, descriptions of violence including murder and child neglect, dark romance trope
Synopsis: Sukuna is in prison because of you. He’s ordered to undergo weekly counseling sessions. Talking to his counselor about you, it's apparent that his obsession with you is quite concerning.
An: You guys ate up session one 🤭 Hopefully session two can live up to the hype.
Session one. | Session two.
It was criminal how the counselor had actually been looking forward to his next session with Sukuna. They had ended on such a cliff hanger with their last sessions, talking about your first word to Sukuna in sixth grade — “please.”
The guards shuffled Sukuna in. His massive stature still clad in a blue jumpsuit as he plopped onto the couch without a care in the world. “Miss me, doc?” Sukuna asked with a crooked grin.
The guards slammed the door shut, locking and barricading it with a metal rod — as if it’d stop a monster like Sukuna.
He was in a max security prison. While the prison didn’t necessarily want the counselor to get hurt, if Sukuna was ever tempted to run… Well… they’d just take their chances on hiring a new counselor.
“You seem to be in a good mood.” The counselor noted as he fumbled with his pen. He was still nervous to be counseling the troubled individual, but he felt a weird sense of security as well. It seemed all of Sukuna’s victims had stemmed from an obsession with you, so in theory, the counselor should have nothing to worry about.
Sukuna glared at the counselor as he fumbled with his pen. He hated the clicking sound, but he gritted his teeth to bare it. He was in a good mood today. There’s nothing he enjoyed more than talking about you, and while he didn’t believe in this counseling bullshit, he enjoyed reminiscing about your past with him. “Yeah, whatever.” He shrugged as he slumped his body against the couch.
“We ended off last week with mouse saying her first word to you.” The counselor said, completely skipping complimentary words. He wanted to get right back in to the nitty gritty.
Sukuna’s lips curled into a feline smile as he kicked his feet up on the table next to him. “Her voice was unlike anything I had heard before. It was just barely a whisper, weak from not being used enough.”
“What made her talk to you?” The counselor asked, completely enthralled in Sukuna’s story.
This time, Sukuna let out a small laugh, remembering the memory as if it had happened yesterday and not several years ago. “Mouse use to wear her hair in these pigtail braids when we were younger. I wanted her to talk to me so desperately that I finally grabbed ahold of her braids, and I pulled on them, telling her that she had to say something in order for me to stop.”
“So, you hurt her?”
Sukuna’s eyes cut towards the therapist as the air in the room went stale. His feline grin was no more as he was now scowling at the man across the room from him. “I wouldn’t consider a bit of hair pulling to be hurtful. Mouse didn’t either.” His tone was low, nearly a growl. He clearly didn’t take the accusation too lightly.
He had been convicted of heinous crimes, and he had also been accused of a few more that they didn’t have enough evidence to charge him with. Sukuna drew the line when it came to you though. He’d be the monster they drew him out to he in the press — never to you though.
The counselor gulped harshly, reminding himself to not get too comfortable with Sukuna. He shifted in his seat a bit, but he said nothing to try to discount what the criminal was saying.
“As I was saying,” Sukuna hissed lowly as he got back in his comfortable position. “She was cute, whining to try to get me to stop. It was hard not to, especially when she gave me that pout. When she finally whispered the word ‘please’, I remember feeling like a fire had lit inside me. She was so vulnerable. She needed me.”
“I let go of her hair, and I made sure to braid it back for her since it had gotten a bit messy from my incessant pulling. Her hair was always so soft, and she smelled so sweet.” He spoke slowly, reliving each moment of you two in sixth grade together. His heart ached for you.
“Did she start talking to you then?” The counselor prompted, wanting for Sukuna to continue.
“Sure, if one word answers count as talking.” He let out a dry laugh as he looked up at the ceiling. His jaw line and neck were well defined and sharp — the looks of a true predator. “Mouse was quiet, reserved. She didn’t need words to convey her feelings or thoughts. I could usually tell what she was thinking before she could.”
“I immediately noticed when there was a change in her demeanor.” Sukuna’s voice shifted to a darker tone. The light left his eyes as he remembered a particularly troubling incident between you and him.
“A change..?”
“She didn’t have to say anything. There wasn’t any marks, but I could just read her like a book. She came to school one morning, and she looked like she hadn’t slept at all. She tried to give me that polite smile she gave everyone else, but I wasn’t buyin’ it. I knew something was up.”
The counselor leaned forward, furrowing his eyebrows as he listened closely. He wondered what was going on with you and how this transpired into Sukuna becoming deadly for you. “What did you do..?”
Sukuna grunted as he adjusted his position on the couch. “It was the first time I followed her home. Her house was nice, but it was anything but happy inside. I heard her dad yellin’ inside. Her mom was screaming right back at him. They went at it for far too long. I knew it wasn’t a good place for mouse.”
“So, I tapped on her window until I caught her attention over the screaming match.” His gaze lowered to the ground as he had an almost thoughtful smile on his face. “Mouse was scared — an easily frightened thing. I convinced her to crawl out her window with me that night. It’d be the last night she slept in that house alone.”
The counselor furrowed his eyebrows in confusion from Sukuna’s words. “How did that play out with her parents?”
The prisoner gave a cocky grin with a small shrug. “Her dad was most time not there or too drunk to notice. Her mom felt so guilty about the fighting that she never said anything to mouse. Every night I came to her window, and she either crawled out with me, or I crawled in to be with her.”
The counselor silently pondered for a moment. It seemed like the unhealthy attachment between you and Sukuna wasn’t one-sided. It seemed like you both needed each other like you needed air.
He took a deep breath as he was reminded of one of the warrants for Sukuna’s arrest. His first murder victim was allegedly your father, but Sukuna wasn’t necessarily convicted of it. They hadn’t had enough evidence, especially since you and your mom adamantly refused to give any statements to police.
“You’re thinkin’ about her old man, huh?” Sukuna asked as if he could read the counselor’s mind. He propped his elbow up on his knee, and he held his jaw with his hand.
“Did you do it? Kill him, I mean?” The counselor asked, even though he wasn’t sure that he wanted the answer to that question.
“Is this protected underneath patient confidentiality?” Sukuna asked. Sly bastard.
“Since you don’t pose a current threat to yourself or the community,” His counselor let out a breath of defeat, “yes, it is.”
Sukuna’s grin widened, and he relaxed back into the couch. He looked more tense when he talked about your troubled days than when he talked about the literal murders he had committed.
“Mouse was asleep on me late one summer night. If I remember right, we were teenagers by then. We were in her bed, and it was probably around the early hours of the morning when her dad came stumbling in. He kept making a fuss, trying to wake up the whole goddamn house.” He started on his story, and the counselor didn’t dare to interrupt.
“He walked into her room, and he started yelling at me to get the fuck out of his house. I told him that if he woke up mouse, I’d kick his fucking teeth in.” Sukuna started to laugh. His skin felt like it was buzzing with energy from remembering that night.
“Mouse started to stir, and when she woke up, that fucker tried to drag me out of her bed. He tried to take me away from her. When I got ahold of him, I dragged him outside of the house where mouse and her mom wouldn’t hear him scream. I made good on my promise.”
The counselor furrowed his eyebrows slightly as his stomach turned. He didn’t necessarily want to ask for more details, but his morbid curiosity got the better of him. “You kicked his teeth in… How did that lead to him dying?”
Sukuna laughed heartily at the therapist’s question. “You really don’t know a thing, do you?” He asked rhetorically. “I made that bastard bite down on a tree branch that had fallen on the ground in their backyard. He was so drunk that it was barely a fight, and when he bit down, I used my foot and-“
“Okay-! Okay! I got the image now…” The counselor spoke up quickly, waving his hands out in front of him. Sukuna got a real kick out of the counselor’s suddenly squeamish behavior.
“Ryomen! Get your ass out here! Your time is up!” A guard yelled loudly from the other side of the door, using his fist to loudly pound on the metal.
Sukuna was still laughing as he stood up off the couch. His massive frame easily took up the room when he was on his feet — the true embodiment of intimidating. “See ya next week, doc. Maybe I’ll finally get to tell ya how I made mouse mine.”
With that, Sukuna left the counselor’s office.
Tags: @catladythoughts @pinky0328 @coldluminarykoala @lemonlimecrystal-blog @san-it-is-i-guess @kunasthiast @nonamevenus @ecliipzed @jup1tersuccubus @gojodickbig @totallygyomeiswife @gremlinartstudio @tojislittleprincesss @jaybirdluvr73 @emyyy007 @b3bybunny @unofficialsapphire @thequeenofcurses @canecomplex
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fanfic#fanfic#drabble#jjk suggestive#jjk sukuna#sukuna smau#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x reader#sukuna ryomen#jjk ryomen#ryomen x reader#jujutsu kaisen ryomen#ryomen sukuna#jujutsu sukuna#sukuna#dark romance jjk#jjk dark content#jjk x reader
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@TacklersCulers: The Chaotic Teen Serie pt. 4
fcb femení x chaoticteen!reader 3569w pt. 1 - pt. 2 - pt. 3
phew! that's a long one, but i'm really proud of it, i've tried to get more comfortable in my pacing, hope u guys like it<3
The grass still smelled the same, bringing back unwanted memories of yesterday’s humiliation. Sweat ran down your forehead as you used your shirt to wipe it off; Ona would be proud of that move. The exhaustion got the best of you and you let yourself flop on the turf, breathing heavily and rolling on your back. Every coach who had ever trained you had told you to walk it off, but there wasn't any scientific evidence of that, and more importantly, there were no coaches around you.
The Barcelona sky was bright blue, though you could spot a few clouds here and there. If you were in a better mood, you’d have tried to guess what object their shape matched. The gentle wind caressed your face and you couldn’t contain a shiver. When you had arrived earlier in the morning, it was still dark, and you had witnessed the sun rise. Yesterday’s mistake pushed you to come to the field early to train. You needed to plunge your head back in the game, and quickly. The taste of humiliation still bitter in your mouth.
You had pushed yourself through multiple sets of drills, though none that would really improve your timing as you were training alone. But still, you knew you needed to run off the embarrassment, so you tackled shadow opponents, working on quickly going up and down. You sprinted until it felt like your legs would fall off. You did so many ball control exercises with intricate cones patterns it made your head spin. The previously pristine pitch now scattered with proofs of your training while you lay sprawled on the ground.
A voice shut up behind you, startling you in the process. “You do know what recovery day means, right?” The blonde had a disapproving tone matching the look on her face. “You’re not supposed to sneak in extra practice.” she finishes sternly. You gave your capitain a sheepish look.
“Running never hurt anyone?” you tried, but it seemed like Alexia wasn’t having any of it. So you followed up, “Why are you here anyways, are you not supposed to be in the recovery room?”
The older woman was not impressed.
“Part of the recovery plan today is to have an activation session.” she glared at you and you felt your body shrink in the dirt. At that, her voice softened when she added “Now stop being snarky and tell me what’s wrong, Cariño.” Her gaze felt heavy on you, like she was trying to see right through you. Maybe she did.
You open your mouth to speak but words are caught in your throat, no sounds leaving the tip of your tongue. Your hands are clenched and you can’t help but stare at them, or really anything but Alexia standing in front of you. The blonde sighed, and gently came to lay with you on the pitch.
Alexia isn’t sure of what to do. For the few days she has known you, you were always such a cheerful and energetic person. You managed to coax smiles out of the most serious players, all because your chaotic aura was incredibly endearing. She guessed your personality might have fooled them all, you’re still only a child after all. Seventeen and so much pressure on your shoulders.
“You’re doing great you know” she starts her voice warm, but you look up at her, frowning.
“I tackled a cone yesterday.” you whisper, words spilling out of your mouth before you could really think about it.
She frowns. “…That’s what it’s about?” her head tilts, giving away her confusion.
“Well, I mean, It’s just…” you struggle to piece together a correct phrase. You look up to see Alexia giving you a gentle, encouraging smile, and somehow it’s enough to send you in a ramble.
“Because, I’m trying really hard! But then I messed up that tackle. And, and! The Mapi cardboard, it was just to be funny, since we had talked about it during team bonding.” You rattled, gesturing without making much sense.
“But fans aren’t happy with me, and they’re right! I’m here to play football, because it’s my job! You guys shouldn’t have to deal with this, we’re not here to have fun, It’s not- I shouldn’t-” Your distress was cut off by Alexia, pulling you in her arms, but you can’t stop yourself. “I just, I should not be making everyone’s life harder,” your voice breaks and you clutch at your captain like your life depends on it.
The blonde gently caresses you back, shushing you and you feel yourself sink into her.
“Why are you apologizing? You have done nothing wrong, I promise you no one is mad at you, for anything. You’ve made us laugh so much in so little time, and we can see you’re working hard,” her voice is full of gentleness, and you can tell she really means it. She gently wipes away some of your tears with her sleeve.
“The cone!” you half sob on her shoulder.
A chuckle escaped Alexia’s lips and she slapped a hand on her mouth, you recoiled, audibly gasping and looking at her with wide eyes.
And the absurdity of the situation hit you like a freight train.
You were somewhere between a laugh and a cry now, “It’s not funny!” you whined, pushing her shoulder with your hand.
“Perdón, Cariño” the blonde chuckled, “It’s just, all this for a cone?”
You pouted, and the captain shook your shoulder slightly, giving them a squeeze.
“You’ve just been promoted to one of the best clubs in the world, you’re fitting in really well, you’ve got potential and Mapi is basically your mentor already, but you’re worried about one failed tackle?” she questioned with a smirk.
You hid your face in your hands. It seemed so stupid said like that, and you felt so embarrassed and vulnerable. Alexia got up, clutching your hand in hers to pull you with her.
“Come on, Diablilla, let’s go get changed before activation begins, sí? ” she awkwardly patted your head and started dragging you toward the locker room. “Oh and, I think Mapi is going to want to see your cardboard soon again, apparently she has many ideas for pictures” she said, her voice mixed with amusement and disapproval while you chuckled.
Alexia really did find you very endearing, and she knew the whole team felt the same way. They just needed to make you understand. It seemed really well timed when Mapi saw you walking in the tunnel and pulled you into her arms.
Her arms squish you into her body, and you give her a weak laugh. When Mapi pulls back and sees traces of tears on your face, she frowns. “¿Estás bien?” she asks you, her face full of concern.
“Better now,” you answer truthfully.
“Actually, Mapi,” you begin, “I wanted to say, thank you. For what you wrote, on the cardboard…You know.” you voice is low and when your eyes meet, you shy away.
When you look back to her though, she’s got a smile going up to her ears, her eyes sparkling. The brunette pinches your cheeks, surprising you.
“Well, look at you being all emotional?” Her voice is full of playfulness and you can tell she’s not going to spot annoying you.
“Mapi! Stop!” you squeal. You two bicker the whole way to the locker room, pushing each other.
She puts her arm over your shoulder and pinches the back of your neck with her thumb and index. “I’m just doing mentor duty, Cariño,” she smirks.
“You’re supposed to be the mature one!” you whine after she tickles you for the third time.
Alexia smiles profoundly seeing you two walking in front of her. You looked so shaken up when she had seen you on the field, she wasn’t sure anything she might tell you would help.
You made your way to the door entry, almost running to escape from Mapi’s rough love. You spotted Ingrid and ran to hide behind her.
“Ingrid! Mapi is annoying me!” you fake a pout.
The Norwegian looks surprised at the forward love you show both Mapi and her. But still, she plays into your game, throwing her arms up to take a more protective role.
“María, leave Skrulla alone.” she says sternly.
Mapi sighs, giving up and going to her place, grumbling bad words at the both of you. You just stick your tongue out at the tattooed woman, earning yourself a disapproving look from Irene. But Vicky’s voice shoots up before you can say anything else.
“Oh Mapi, looks like you’re going to sleep on the couch because of the new kid!” Her voice is teasing, making the whole team bark out a laugh.
You made your way to your locker, still snickering from the scene that had just happened. It felt a bit crazy to you, the way your teammates had managed to get you to calm down from your self deprecating state so quickly. Normally, it would take you days of very rough training to get over a mistake like the one you had done yesterday. Yet, Alexia alone had managed to take so much of the weight off of your shoulders. If the captain of the team, one of the most hardworking people you knew, did not see any trouble with what happened yesterday, then you’d trust her.
You reached for your locker, wanting to get changed in some jogging before going to the activation session, as you won’t be playing football. They mainly consisted of cardio and active stretches.
As you turned the lock open, an avalanche of neon orange and yellow fell in your arms. What felt like close to one hundred cones were spilling from your locker, getting everywhere on you and bouncing off the floor as you tried to catch them.
The whole team laughs as you turn around, mouth wide open and still clutching some of the cones against yourself.
“WHO?!” you scream, still shocked.
“Thought you needed extra tackling practice!” Pina manages to say in between wheezes which sends the team crackling even more. You can feel your cheeks heat up.
“That’s karma for making Ingrid tell off Mapi,” Jana adds, not helping your case.
Then it’s Ona who chimes in, “Looks like Diablilla got tricked,” but you hardly hear them, your eyes get caught into Pina's eyes and she bolts.
“She’s so dead!” you yell as you start chasing Pina, who runs away, still clutching at her ribs from laughing too much.
Pina almost manages to run away until she reaches a dead end in the maze of hallways the stadium is. Instead of letting herself be caught, she simply traces back her steps, feinting you so you can’t trap her, and making a beeline for the locker room, again. You chase her, smirking when you realize her mistake, in the locker room, you’ll be able to trap her.
When Pina bursts through the door of the room where most of your teammates are, quickly followed by yourself, you can hear Caro and Irene telling the both of you off.
But your brain doesn’t register it, you’re too focused on wanting to catch the forward. Pina had spotted Alexia and decided to mirror the situation you were previously in with Mapi and Ingrid, except she literally gripped Alexia and threw her at you, using her like some kind of shield. The look on your captain face is laughable, a mix of shock and bewilderment
“¡Madre mía! Pina, Y/n, Para!” the blonde screams in frustration, trying to separate you like two children fighting.
Except the harsh scolding is enough to distract Pina, giving you time to throw yourself at her, wrestling her to the floor.
Neon colors near you grab your attention, so you pick up one of the flat disks and drop it on top of Pina’s head.
“You got cone-ed!” you squeal, your body vibrating with laughter. You step back and look around the room, everybody is wheezing at your banter. Mapi is absolutely dying from the look on Alexia’s face (who still hasn’t recovered from Pina almost sacrificing her to save her skin) and you’re sure the tattooed woman will never let the captain forget.
Salma and Vicky are snickering while filming the both of you. You’re certain it’s going to be posted on the official fcb account, but you’re laughing so much you can’t bring yourself to be bothered.
Irene shakes her head, “Dios Mío, these kids are more tiring than Mateo.” But the smile tugging at her lips tells you she doesn’t really mean it.
“So, you are all going to inhale for 5 seconds, hold it in for 5 seconds, and then exhale for 5 seconds, we’re going to do it together. Remember to keep your eyes closed.” The yoga teacher said with what she probably thought was a soothing voice.
Apparently, in the weekly recovery session, yoga classes were mandatory. They happened after the activation training, which the coaches probably hoped would help the team settle before yoga. You had gotten through the actual yoga positions well enough. But they were followed by a few minutes of meditation, much to your dismay. Staying still and keeping your mouth close was not something you had ever been good at. Especially not while trying to “clear your thoughts away”. You were sitting in the lotus position, looking around, fully aware you were disrespecting what the instructor had said mere seconds ago.
You audibly sighed when you realized all the women had their eyes closed, deeply uninterested in doing anything else than the breathing exercise. Unfortunately for you, your sigh was heard by Alexia, who opened one eye to shoot daggers at you. You quickly turned your head and shut your eyes. You’d have never guessed the Catalan woman to be so into meditation.
“We’ll redo the same thing, but now, you are going to release all the tension in your body when you exhale,” the teacher continued to dictate.
The collective noise of inhaling was loud in the room full of tranquility.
Suddenly, a piercing screech broke the peacefulness.
“AAAAAAAAAH” you just couldn’t help it, the tension had escaped your body, without meaning to, in a very dramatic way. You froze, not daring to open your eyes and the whole team stilled.
“What was that?!” Mapi exclaimed herself, her voice breaking the silence quickly followed by a snort.
“Did someone just exorcise a demon?” Jana said, faking being scared.
“Someone isn’t feeling very zen,” said Ingrid with an amused voice as she elbowed you in the ribs barely holding in her laughter.
You opened your eyes to see the whole team staring at you, the teacher looked bewildered. You felt yourself sink in the mushy mat, “I didn’t mean to!” you mumbled weakly.
“It’s called the scream it out method! Very trendy,” Pina said, leaning against Patri stile cracking up and you shot her a glare. She was pushing her luck today, and the smirk she gave you confirmed it. The prank war was on.
Even Alexia couldn’t help herself, “That’s certainly not in a yoga manual.”
You let yourself flop back on the mat as you heavily groaned.
“Though I’m sure the tension did leave her body,” replied Frido. You stared at her trying to look annoyed, but the Swedish woman just shrugged, still laughing.
Mapi had apparently managed to calm herself. She had gotten up to plop down next to you. Her eyes were mischievous when said “Why would you just release tension when you can traumatize the entire team by screaming?” and even you couldn’t hold back a chuckle with how proud she looked about her joke.
The “traumatized” team seemed in a very nice mood, all cracking up more as the team continued to pile their jokes on you. You covered your face with your hand, still slightly embarrassed but the chuckle of the whole team made you feel better.
Alexia got up, clapping to get everyone’s attention. “Alright, we’ll stretch out a bit more and then we’re done for the day. And no more screaming, Cariño” she said with a stare. You nodded, giving her an embarrassed smile.
“Wait, that’s all she gets? Last time I did something like that, you made me run 10 laps!” Pina added, looking astonished.
“Only one of us can be the favourite!” you replied. Irene, who was walking behind you, gave you a soft tap on the back of the head making you wince.
“That’s child abuse,” you deadpanned and Irene choked back a snort, giving you a judgmental look.
Mapi and you were exchanging about various defending strategies while you rolled your calves on the foam, frowning when it hit a particular tense spot. The Spaniard was leaning into Ingrid while the Norwegian was chatting with Frido.
The team was scattered into multiple different friend groups and you couldn’t quite believe you had lucked out in the middle of defender heaven. You would have spent more time fangirling about it in your head if you hadn’t been struck with the smartest plan ever.
You knew you wanted to take vengeance for Pina’s prank, but Alexia and Irene, as good captains, were keeping a close eye on you, apparently feeling your prankster aura. But they underestimated your brain, and what you were capable of, really. What was better than being able to mess with someone without them knowing you’d be the one doing it? Ok, tackling an opponent was better. But still, your idea was pretty cool.
A mischievous smile took over your lips as you opened your phone, logging into your fan account to start editing a meme. Once satisfied, you set a timer so it would publish in 10 minutes.
You raised your eyes from the screen to see Mapi staring at you, she was squinting and her head was tilted.
“What is our little Diablilla planning again?” she said with a smirk, loud enough for the two Scandinavians to look at you, raising an eyebrow.
“You’re imagining things, Mapi.” you tried to secure your voice as much as possible. You realized using the fan account and posting while surrounded by the team was risky. But you knew nobody has seen you, and with the delayed post? They wouldn’t figure it out. So you placed your phone on the ground, and joined Frido’s and Ingrid’s conversation. You knew both women (all three of them, really) loved coffee, so you couldn’t help yourself when you heard they were speaking about coffee shops.
“Oh! Do you guys know that one place around the corner? I used to go there before practice when I was at La Masia,” you started rambling.
It didn’t seem to bother them though, instead, the women were listening attentively to your story about what you called “the best coffee in the world”. They were so interested in fact, that you all decided you’d go there together tomorrow, and you couldn’t hide the gigantic smile on your face.
The coffee talk was interrupted by Frido’s phone pinging, she picked up the phone, eyes sparkling with interest.
“New post from the TacklerCulers account!” she announced and Ingrid quickly leaned over her shoulder to be able to see the screen.
tacklerculers
posted 36 seconds ago… liked by 259 others.
TacklerCulers: Everybody hold their boots! Pinagoal or, should I say, Spongeboal?
Both women burst out laughing and threw the phone at Mapi so the both of you could have a look too.
“You have to see this!” Ingrid had blurted out between chuckles.
Mapi had looked at them with a curious expression, until her face had changed into one of pure happiness, her eyes crinkling.
“Pina! You’ve been turned into a meme now!” Mapi called out, making the small spanish come running toward you. You gave a knowing chuckle. God, this was even better than you had planned.
“…I don’t know if I should be flattered or annoyed?” she said after being blessed by the sight of that meme.
“Definitely flattered,” you said as innocently as possible, “This is a work of art.”
“This feels like a hate crime.” she shot back, frowning at you.
Frido is laughing harder when she chimes in “It’s already trending, wait till people start showing up to matches with posters of this.” Her statement made Pina frown, putting her hand on her forehead dramatically.
“Actually Pina, that’s really what you looked like,” you add quickly with a smirk.
“Who even runs this account?” the forward shriek, and her eyes narrow at you.
“I’m not brilliant enough I fear,” you reply trying to seem sincere, but you can’t help feeling a cold sweat running down your neck, making the hair stand up, alert.
A few other players had seen the commotion and had come to check it out, eyes full of curiosity. Patri was laughing hard when Frido had tilted the phone to show her.
“The resemblance is uncanny,” she observed.
“I hate you all.” Pina blurted out, sending the whole group gasping for air.
You clutch at your belly from how painful it is to laugh so much. You’re not even trying to hide the fact you’re full on snorting in a loud, uncontrollable way. The joy is warm in your body, filling it delightfully. You’re overwhelmed by a sense of freedom you hadn’t felt in a while, and maybe everything would be ok, after all.
#mapi leon x reader#barcelona femeni x reader#fcb femení#woso#woso community#mapi leon reader#fc barcelona#fcb femeni#barcelona women#barcelona femeni#ingrid engen#ingrid engen x reader#imagine#woso x reader#woso imagine#woso fanfics#fcb femeni x reader#idk why i did that#yes i made the meme#it's funny in my head but is it really#barcelona femeni x teen reader#teen reader#platonic#mapi leon x ingrid engen#mapi leon x ingrid engen x teen reader
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anything dad!jude pls we beg 🥲💕
safe and sound - jb blurb.
tiny insta au at the end 😉
“cranky, just like your mama,” jude baby talked as he shook the bottle, while his babygirl eva fussed and crinkled her nose upset. “here you go, let’s go sit on the bed with mommy.” jude made sure all the lights were off downstairs and doors were locked before gently going upstairs to your room.
“jude?” you called out, he yelled back a yeah seeing you finishing up your skincare routine by your vanity, pulling the covers down so he could sit with eva in his arms. “she’s so sleepy, i felt so bad waking her up,” jude whispered as you walked in now changed in your pjs and hair in a messy updo.
“i know but if we hadn’t she wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight,” you replied joining him sitting up on the bed. “but seeing her so excited and intrigued today, gosh i can’t believe she’s so big now. like you mean to tell me she was this small” jude pinched his fingers and squinted his eyes, “and now she’s almost one? where’d all the time go,” jude frowned, visibly upset that his babygirl is growing up so fast.
eva’s eyes were heavy, fluttering often as she drank her bottle and cuddled into her daddies embrace, the warmth and comfort helping her soothe so she could fall asleep quicker. jude traced her brows and the tiny birthmark on her cheek, kissing her forehead and giving her the most undeniably attention. “it feel like just yesterday where we found out we were expecting. the late night runs to the grocery store, the baby shower, i wish to do it all again,” jude said, kissing your temple as you leaned and laid on his chest.
“and we will, but we want to enjoy these special moments with her. for so long and give her the most happiest childhood. if we rush into having another kid i feel like we won’t get to experience and enjoy it. we have all the time in the world you know?” you said your hand coming up to trace eva’s cheek, where she was no fully asleep, lips pursed and brows pulled in. “she looks exactly like you when she’s asleep,” jude laughed.
“does she really?” you say confused, now noticing the probability of it.
“exactly like her momma,” jude leaned down and kissed you sweetly. “when you say do it all again… does that mean…” jude said unsure, feeling those similar jitters he once felt when you had surprised him with the unexpected news of your pregnancy. happy, scared, but overall thankful. thankful for the life he’s getting to build day by day along with you.
“i mean as in a few years maybe two or three we can try again for our second baby,” you whispered butting your lip as jude stared at you with adoration. “you make me the happiest man, you have no idea baby,” jude smirked, “don’t be getting any ideas now! just because i say that won’t mean we won’t have precautions,” jude pouted but shook his head understanding the boundaries you were setting.
while most of your pregnancy went smoothly, there was times where you felt just so stuck. the back pain, the headaches with no use of medication, the nausea and loss of appetite, being unable to sometimes keep your food in and throwing up. you felt useless but jude was there everytime to remind you to take it easy and that there was no rush, that both you and the baby mattered, as he held you close to him.
jude gently still rocked eva in his arm, making sure she was fully asleep before he went to leave her in her crib. the last thing he wanted was to stay up with a crying baby who refused to go to sleep. he had learned that back then when you had gone to a girls trip. the restless nights and getting a taste of what you dealt with when he wasn’t here.
“sometimes i can’t believe it’s real. that we made this tiny beautiful human,” jude sighed watching as eva slept peacefully. “im so incredibly happy, i just love you both so much,” and there he was again, despite you being with mixed hormones jude was always the sappy and emotional one during your pregnancy and after. “jude were not going anywhere,” you laughed, hugging him and pressing kisses on his cheeks as he cried.
“i know, i know, you know how i am,” you wiped his tears still giggling from the random outburst. “as long as you’re here next to me with eva, it’s all i need to be okay. to feel safe,” jude said kissing you feverishly. “i love you both so much, never forget that. i mean it,” he said seriously at the end. “if you ever decide to leave me just know-”
“jude im not going to leave you, quit it with that. do i have to remind you of this,” you flashed your engagement ring, “or this?” then grabbed the the pendent with his initials and eva’s on your necklace. “or this?” you said a bit louder, pointing to the tattoo dedicated to him. “that’s the best gift you could ever give me,” he smirked proudly, kissing the inside of your wrist where the ink was.
“i could always get it removed…”
“don’t!”
———————
judebellingham + ynusername
liked by: ynusername, vinijr, gioreyna, jobebellingham, andreamartinez, adidas, yourfriend, user129, and 996,390 others!
judebellingham: day out with mis dos amores 🤍
comments:
ynusername: ily hubby 😘
ynusername: MYY BABIESSS
ynusername: eva’s chunky legs im in love!! 😣😣
ynusername: ok stalker, catching me off guard 😒
jobebellingham: no invite? okay i see how it is 😒
vinijr: 🤍
gioreyna: sooo adorable! little eva is so big now! ❤️
comments are limited!
———————
ynusername added to their stories!
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The future can never be known beforehand, but in your crystal ball eyes I see myself and what you want me to be.
Yuki’s Fandom Analysis and Thoughts
It was after midnight when I saw the news. I was heading to bed and was struck by this thing that has now caused Obey Me to be a trending topic in gaming today, something it hadn’t done in quite a while. Shock, dismay, hope, despair, relief, commiseration, joy, emptiness. Sleeplessness. I took a nap after the Ferris wheel of emotions from talking with everyone and seemed to process the entire gamut of emotion in those few hours, then I went to work because it was just a normal day.
I cried at work. [secretly]
I smartly decided to take a day off today. Throughout, I kept an eye on all my social medias and saw the range of opinions about where the game should have gone or could go next, some rampant rage, confusion, but mostly just sadness. Posts lamenting, posts agonizing, because this is what fandom is. We are all the emotions that can ever exist and at any given point we as individuals become fixated on a certain genre of them. No matter what we each thought to ourselves about individual elements, we are joined here by this love that we feel for the game because we can only feel a loss this strongly if we also love just as strongly.
I decided to take a breather from social media and opened the apps. It felt so strange. Obey Me wasn’t an mmorpg. There was never any physical people in there aside from the friends we got ap from. The tactile features, the noises, texts and pop ups were the same, so why did it feel so empty?
It’s because the fandom was mourning. I realized that when the fandom is joy, I am joy. When the fandom is sad, I am sad. I and you and others are fandom and fandom is what made the games what they are. Fun.
We are what keeps this world running.
Everything we had as a fandom, as friends, acquaintances, even if you were just a random blurb attached to squishy avatar to me, all this was meaningful beyond the constraints of the game.
But we are hurt. If we are to take Obey Me’s rules to heart where we are the MC of our universe, this was literally world-shaking news. We need to allow ourselves to process these feelings (even me, who didn’t treat the inhabitants as my romantic partner). We need to do it on our own terms and not on someone else’s timeline.
The official statement is vague on purpose, and everyone is preparing themselves for the end, but the future can never be realized beforehand. I don’t care for self-fulfilling prophecies if the only reward at the end is being able to say “I was right”. They gave me a rescue hook and I’m skewering myself on it. I’m passionate about what I love and I’ll let it drive my action; whether critically or lovingly. We took a hit yesterday and I’m still feeling it today, but that’s exactly why I want to support this fandom in anyway I know how in whatever way I know how.
Here is where you’ll find me.
(I remastered my “Hug Day” art for this. I usually repost the original when I’m feeling sad and Diavolo’s stupid silly face actually makes me less sad. Imagining this big awkward dude earnestly trying to make me feel better puts the smile back on my face where it belongs, so let me eat my bittersweets and don’t tell my dentist)
Live discussion on Reddit
#obey me isnt ending so please dont treat it like it is#obey me#obey me nb#obey me nightbringer#obey me analysis#obey me thoughts#obey me characters#obey me boys#obey me diavolo#obey me mephistopheles#obey me lucifer#obey me barbatos#obey me shall we date#obey me fanart#obey me fandom#obey me game#obey me mc#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me swd#my safe art
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our interpretation of darkheart x reader (angryheart...) ?? if thats okay.. (/nf ofc!!)
-hexx & sovvka 🌀
angry!darkheart heart x reader
☆ TL;DR: the spiral stereo’s version of darkheart is just traumatized by Illumina and he was kicked out lol
☆ also this is the response to the other 2 people who asked for a darkheart req.
….
☆ 2/23/2020
☆ today I was exploring an.. ancient ruin of some sorts! apparently it belonged to the sfoth deity named.. darkheart. that’s from history class, i’ll admit..
☆ I’ve always been interested in the sfoth deities! like, they’re pretty majestic but, yet some of them interact with us .. mortals.
☆ oh, i’m getting ahead of myself! the ruins had a lot of weird .. drawings. specifically those like ancient-drawings that you see on caves? yeah, those!
☆ it looked.. really worn down too. I tried to imagine what it looked like before , but I think it’s beyond repair. I kinda wish to see it in its full glory! imagine that..
….
☆ 2/24/2020
☆ so.. I’ve been seeing a few weird shadows following me whenever I go outside? it only lasts for a few minutes so , definitely not stalking!
☆ but.. I’m not sure how to feel about this. yeah, it’s only when i go outside but.. someone’s definitely watching me.
☆ i just want.. actually. maybe they care for me! or whatever pronouns they go by , but.. I’ll need to keep my guard up for a while.
☆ 2/25/2020
☆ okay! um.. the shadows are starting to talk to me! they’re.. very friendly, so I can’t really complain.. but, it’s kinda creepy? maybe — .. maybe ghosts are real? orr maybe not?? actually, ghosts ARE real! there’s evidence they’ve existed for a while now!
☆ ghosts aside.. they introduced us as.. darkheart? the sword deity that was.. missing! for a while! their followers have been on their knees praying for them to come back but— I’ve figured that ruin was haunted in some way. it was… creepy.
☆ but .. dark as I like to call them.. they didn’t trust me as first, as all people do but.. they were more.. distraught.. than normal people! like, I don’t wanna offend them and all but.. i just wonder what happened to them. i can’t help but feel worried, even though I’ve met them once.
….
☆ 8/14/2024
☆ oh. Dark opened up. it’s because of.. Illumina? i thought she was lowkey just a chill guy! but.. ugh.. is that why they’re so angry? i mean.. i can’t blame them at all. considering what they told me is true.. i can see bruises all over them, and.. i .. i want to comfort them but.. i don’t know how.
☆ i don’t want to say the wrong thing. I’ve experienced it.. before… and the thought of someone experiencing something.. like that.. it makes me sick to my stomach. I— i don’t know how to feel about this! I just want to help them out however i can. just.. i need some time.
☆ 8/15/24
☆ okay. um.. i managed to get darkheart some cake! i figured they would like it, i love cake myself, but they like phish a lot. specifically the ones phished up from the crossroads river to blackrock. they said they.. live there. i dunno how, but as long as you’re comfy.
☆ i.. i know how to cook phish pretty well, so i asked for a phish from them and.. cooked it! my signature dish, i cook it all the time, and yet i don’t know what to name it.
☆ man.. that was a REAL mood switch from yesterday.. but, whatever it takes, i guess!
☆ in all honesty, darkheart liked the phish. they gobbled it up like some.. hungry cat you find at the street if you give food to them! imagine that! we also talked about a lot of things, like shadow things and all.
☆ even though they still have a bit of .. anger issues.. i still love them nonetheless!
#exnoiafork req.#phighting#phighting!#phighting x reader#darkheart x reader#darkheart x reader phighting#platonic#darkheart phighting#phighting darkheart#illuminakissers
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Husband: (leaning in, planting a soft kiss on the belly) “I can’t believe we’re almost there. Our little one is going to be here so soon!”
Expectant Father: (smiling brightly) “I know! It feels like just yesterday we were talking about starting a family. Now look at us!”
Husband: (gently caressing the belly) “You’re absolutely glowing. I can see how much love you have for our baby already.”
Expectant Father: (placing his hand over his husband’s) “And I feel it from you too. Every time you touch my belly, it’s like you’re connecting with them. It makes me so happy.”
Husband: (looking up with a warm smile) “I can’t help it. I just want to be close to both of you. Can you feel them moving right now?”
Expectant Father: (nodding) “Yes! They’ve been quite active today. It’s like they know you’re here.”
Husband: (grinning) “Maybe they’re trying to say hello! What do you think they’ll be like?”
Expectant Father: (thoughtfully) “I hope they have your kindness and sense of humor. But I wouldn’t mind if they inherited my love for adventure.”
Husband: (chuckling) “A little adventurer with a big heart! I can see it now—running around, exploring everything.”
Expectant Father: (laughing) “And getting into trouble, no doubt! Just like their dad.”
Husband: (feigning offense) “Hey now! I was a good kid! Just a little mischievous.”
Expectant Father: “Mischievous is one way to put it! But that’s what makes life fun.”
Husband: (gazing at the expectant father lovingly) “I’m so grateful we’re doing this together. You’re going to be an amazing parent.”
Expectant Father: (blushing slightly) “Thank you. That means a lot coming from you. I’m just as excited and nervous.”
Husband: “It’s okay to be nervous. We’ll figure it out together, just like we always do.”
Expectant Father: (taking a deep breath) “You’re right. As long as we have each other, we can handle anything.”
Husband: (leaning in closer) “Exactly! And we’ll make sure our child knows how loved they are, every single day.”
Expectant Father: (smiling widely) “I can’t wait for all the memories we’ll create as a family.”
Husband: (kissing the belly again) “Me too. Here’s to our new adventure!”
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in true earth-sign fashion, I'm going to observe a little longer before I send the most pathetic text I've sent in 15 years
#I really didn't like the thought of stressing him out more with a text of that depth#Right before he has both kids for the weekend#We were talking yesterday and we talked today#But in a small way I didn't give him a hug when he came in#And I was downstairs when he left so I didn't get a hug then either#I just don't like the idea of him... not knowing how to turn me down#So I don't want to put him in a position where he has to take the hug out of obligation#I miss his hugs. And his hands. I miss him. That's the crux of it I guess#Maybe I'll hug him tomorrow. Idk. I feel really guilty when I hug him now bc the thought that he doesn't want it bothers me#He can just tell me that!!! Christine said that if he hasn't told me to back off yet that he wont#But I'm scared he just doesn't know how to reject me so he'll keep me in limbo forever
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(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
#I've had the cutest interaction today#So like yesterday? There was this post I saw on my dash that was like “you want to know extra info about museums? Just befriend a–#guide! That way you can also unlock the Secret Backscene” and I was like. Lmao. Who could ever befriend a museum guide I've never–#even personally met anyone who works at museums?#... Well. Guess what happened today#I was following this guided museum tour with a friend and when the tour came to an end I was happily chatting with her when the guide.#Shyly chimed in and was like “is that an Atsushi keychain?” And I was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#And I was like‚‚ omg‚‚‚ Do you happen to know‚‚‚ This one series‚‚‚‚‚‚#And they unsheathed their phone like a fbi distinctive in American movies to show me their fyo/zai background amjdsgawsjda it was SO cute.#They were adorable. And I got so embarassed but trying to keep my cool while internally I was like‚‚‚#Omg the Cool Museum Guide™ is talking with me about my hyperfixation‚‚‚‚‚‚ What is happening#We talked a bit about the manga it was such a nice and sweet exchange. They said they like Dostoyevsky and I was like yeah he's so cool!!!#They said they're sorry about Bram it was REALLY cute (´;ω;`)#I didn't want to hamper them too much so I took my leave shortly after but I'd actually really like to pay visit again–#when the new chapter is out??#Hhhhhhh I don't want to look stalkery and like go look for them on their job. But also like‚ they looked genuinely happy and as excited as–#I was when we were chatting and I believe in the power of human connections through shared hyperfixations#The possibly funnier part is that then my friend went “Wait you're into b/ungo stray dogs??” and like alright. This is less surprising.#I already knew she likes manga.#What actually left me quite baffled was that... She really didn't know I was into b/sd. When it's literally what I think about 24/7#Something very similar happened just a week ago. My friend gifted me a manga volume of a series she really likes for my birthday#But when she was giving it to me she awkwardly went “oh‚ just‚ it features romance between two guys. I hope that's okay with you...”#And I internally had to pause and realize that no.#In fact most of the people I hang out with don't know I spend half my time curating a bl focused blog.#It's just funny in a way? I got so used to concealing my hyperfixations I didn't even realize I actually got quite good at passing–#for someone who is normal about stuff.#random rambles
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a slight continuation of this
no caller ID pops on your screen, pulling your attention away from your previous task at hand: not fucking up your eyeliner. you typically wouldn’t care if it was a little uneven, but you’re going on a date tonight, for the first time in so long, and you want everything to go as smoothly as possible.
which is why you groan when you end the call, and that same no caller ID pops right back up seconds later. you know who it is—who else would it be? you figured he’s already seen your story of being excited for going on your first date in a while, on the only app you hadn’t blocked him on. petty? perhaps, but it’s on him to be keeping up with you despite you cursing him out for wasting your time and then blocking him right after.
you watch it ring though, contemplating for a while longer than you should. you blocked him for a reason. no need to entertain his same shit that he always spews to you when he realizes that he might be losing you once more?
….but it doesn’t hurt to hear the hero beg for you.
“What do you want, Bakugou?” You sigh irritably as you finally answer his call, putting him on speaker as you go back to even out your eyeliner. You hear him huff on the other side of the phone at the use of his surname, but he doesn’t say anything about it, instead, quickly telling you what he’s been bothering you for.
“Who’s the fuckin’ loser that’s gonna drool over how good your tits look in that stupid green dress you love so much?” Bakugou grunts, and you instantly feel your face heating at his crude words. You glance over with a frown at that same green dress that makes your tits look good, where it hangs on your closet.
“None of your damn business, Bakugou.” You snap at him, wondering if it’s too late to find something else to wear. “Not like you ever took me out in my stupid green dress.” Your voice holds a level of bitterness that only he can bring out of you, and you hear his sigh through the speakers.
“I told you this before, I’m always—”
“Busy.” You cut him off, voice suddenly thick as you think back on the countless rejections he’s splattered at your feet every time you tried to further your relationship with him. “You reminded me of how busy you’ve been since you first started this whole situationship.”
“Situation—? Huh? We were dating!” Bakugou protests with a huff, and you can hear how he paces the floor quickly. You glare at your phone, setting down your liner to instead pick of your (his) favorite lipgloss.
“You’d have to ask me out to be dating, Bakugou. You’d have to court me to be dating, Bakugou. You’d have to make time for me and take me out on dates and not hide me to fucking date me, Bakugou.” You spit at him, venom dripping off of your lips in waves. You don’t know why you answered, why you even entertained him. You shake your head with a huff when the line goes quiet, eyebrows quirking up when your date sends you a text to make sure you’re still on for tonight.
“I’m sorry.” Bakugou mutters pathetically, his voice suddenly soft. You hesitate, for some reason, when it comes to texting your date back. Why do you always hesitate when Bakugou is around?
“Let me make it up to you, court you, and shit. I can take you to one of my favorite places, you can wear that pretty green dress and that gloss you know I love.” His voice is pleading, thickening and sweet and suffocating. You shouldn’t respond, should reply back a yes to your date.
“Please? You know how much you mean to me.” Bakugou mumbles, and you can hear the earnestness in his voice. Why haven’t you said yes to your date yet?
“I’ll do better this time. Just one more chance, sweetheart.” Bakugou’s voice is so soft, you’ve never heard him this vulnerable before. You sigh with a shake of your head, slumping back into your seat in defeat.
…
Sorry, I can’t make it tonight. Something came up. Maybe we can reschedule for another time?
#sorry this is kinda angsty lol#but I saw this tt earlier where this girl was so giddy bc ‘no caller id’ called LOL#and it just reminded me of the first part to this#at first he’s all ‘no we can’t date bc of xyz bullshit reason’#but the moment you’re like ‘I’m done w this toxic back n forth we’re not even a couple’#he’s like WE WERE TOGETHER THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!#delusion is what I like to call it#also he definitely takes you out to a place that’s very secluded and exclusive#to shut you up for the time being#the whole ‘at least I took you out!’ shtick#I hate him actually#but the toxic hate sex goes crazy ☝🏻#okay gn I’m sleepy and I felt so shitty today#or yesterday#so I’m hoping today will be better#maybe I’ll mediate before I start on my work#I wanna go on a walk sometime this week bc it’s gonna be great weather but my anxiety keeps telling me#that one of the stray cats or foxes is gonna attack me AKSJDKDJDJD#omg does anyone remember me talking about that calico kitty in my backyard at one point???#I haven’t seen her since and I hope she’s okay :( we miss her :(#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#bakugou treats! 🍬
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my seniors have been so quiet all year and it’s been fine cause we’ve had a lot of writing/research to do but I need them to talk to me now so i was hit by a bolt of inspiration two days ago and I made them all tell me their comfort level with sharing aloud, rating themselves on a scale of 1-10. I then averaged the class score and they’re a 4.5. I then told them yesterday we needed to raise the score the tiniest bit. And the 1’s and 2’s didn’t need to be 10’s just maybe 3’s and 4’s. And they tried! They talked more 😭
#it’s sooooo hard because when a class is quiet my default is to assume you hate me#which is so hard because I need a response. which is why I actually can handle a loud raucous class pretty well because it’s just about#holding their attention and redirecting#but when they’re quiet it’s so hard. but i’ve really forced myself to be like ‘they don’t hate you they’re just quiet’#and they ARE#and actually they are reading (not all of them lol) and a lot of them want to learn#it was really helpful going to try to capitalize on this today#I had a moment a few weeks ago where I taught them a poem and it was crickets and I was like sigh they hate it and me#but then I said wanna learn another one? and like—seven of them nodded at me with big eyes and quiet enthusiasm#and I was like okayyyyy there is something going on#it feels so different teaching them than any other class it’s been a real learning experience for me#also yesterday we were talking about Jane Fairfax and Emma hating her lolololol#and Emma being frustrated with Jane’s reserve and I teased them a little bit#I said you’re not cold but you ARE reserved and I am Emma trying to get you to tell me about Frank Churchill at Weymouth#literally lol#ALSO it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday that this is the class where I need to tell them WHY I make them tell me all the plot details#and we go over it together#and the actual concrete purpose of it. cause it isn’t just book-clubbing it!#it has to do with guiding them through a novel but also teaching them how to do it themselves#I get so prickly when people think it’s just book club behavior#if I was in a book club i would be a tyrant which is why I belong in a classroom#ANYWAY I AM WASTING THE DAY AWAY#but i have woken up with great excitement because I’ve been mulling on the seniors all year#and I feel like I’m getting somewhere#teaching tag
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I'll be back for more blogging eventually but real quick, a dream I had about John Milgram I just have to put down somewhere:
His role was quick and simple. He agreed to pose in a picture with me, and smiled for the camera. The emotion of the whole thing is a bit harder to explain. There was the thing with photography -- Mikoto's favored form of art being able to capture John. The art connecting both of them, though they'd always be on opposing sides (Mikoto taking pictures and John being the subject of this one). There was a sense of legacy, or proof. He said he'd "disappear" come trial 3, but now there was at least one physical record he had existed. He was here, he was happy. But at the same time, there was still a deep sadness that he would be lost -- since we've never really seen him smile, anyone who looked at the photo would think it was Mikoto. Idk, it was about being invisible and visible and being connected and being individual and breifly being happy...... it left me feeling a really mixed bittersweetness.......
#milgram#mikoto kayano#john milgram#we were talking about him yesterday and ive been listening to double a lot so i guess hes been in my mind enough#i have a few more things to do today but i wanted to put this down super quick#sorry if it makes no sense adfggh it had Dream Emotions and i wish i could better explain it#rose posts
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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top scars boob window is literally my peak btw. never getting better at designing than this. (bonus alts of the second one under cut)
#artists on tumblr#ocs#art tag#clyde#june 2024#yesterday drawing was hard and chronic illness was kicking my ass and i was feeling so dreadful but today im sexy and cool and the best#bitches WISH they were me#this is really messy but we arent gonna talk abt that it was mostly just style practice
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FIRST EVER ARTIST ALLEY TABLE DONE!!!
#everyone who came to the table was so lovely and so many of our friends came to support as well ;o;#day 1 was so busy and i was so stressed and had completely lost all social energy by lunch RIP#but i felt much better today actually AHA prob bc it was just less packed in general and also i had worked out a better system#for organising my stuff#overall it was rly cool to try a new experience tho ive literally wanted to table since high school ;o;#hopefully next time i will be less stressed and can actually talk to other artists lmao#we did get to meet some super amazing artists at the end tho but that was like. 2 out of the whole con#one of them gave me a print for free even tho he bought one of mine n i kept trying to offer to pay but he refused RAHH#also shoutout to the person who bought an adlers bookmark and said they were an atsumu hater but cosplayed atsumu yesterday. help
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#yesterday we watched shrek 2 and i said i wanna be built like that about some random male henchmen who were both strong and chunky#i wanna look like a lumberjack but girl but lumberjack#and he was into it#and then today i played the knb character songs in the car on the way to buy yarn so i can crochet him a scarf#and on the way back we listened to country music and talked about what kinda dog we're gonna get in the future#also he's growing out a moustache for movember like can we all just agree i won a little bit#like i WONNNNN
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letting myself unmask has been so nice at times because i'm seeing my boyfriend express joy much more readily too. who knew me being expressive and all that would do so much good!!!
#today was touch and go but overall much better than yesterday where i was watching a musical (not my thing) and it was legally blonde (cool)#but everyone's voices were so shrill (ouch) and the audience was clapping (ouch) and talking a lot (ouch)#and i was three rows back from the stage so the lights were bright (ouch) and there were strobe lights (ouch) and the person seated next to#me kept touching me when she turned to talk to the person next to her..... AND my joints were killing me but we had to walk everywhere from#the theatre to the restaurant we ate at for dinner. which was a byob. and i didn't know we were going to a byob or i would've b'd my own b#but my bf's family doesn't drink so it would've been awkward anyway. and no one talks to me and i don't talk to anyone but yet i'm expected#to be there for some reason (??) i'd rather stay home honestly. horrible time. i couldn't even vape because of said family#so i had zero pain or anxiety relief that whole time. and i had the longest meltdown in the theatre. and i couldn't finish bc intermission#so i had to just like. force it down so i could sit there in silence for 15 minutes while everyone else talked to each other.#and then after all that we still had a 40 minute car ride back home. with my bf's mom.#and then today she invited us to the park with her and my bf was like 'do you wanna?' and i couldn't say no in front of her so i said yes#and then felt SO anxious because god. i just needed A Day. so then i shut down. but then i communicated what i was needing to my bf#and we had a nice walk at a different park on our own. phew#i do Not mean to complain but goodness. pre-autism i would've blamed myself for everything that happened#but now i can properly commiserate with people who understand me LOL anyway. look at some of the crazy shit i went through yesterday
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