#Was not gonna tag it but tumblr pissed me off

[mymomsaiditwasaphase]

Who told him a seatbelt is an acceptable accessory?

[rainbowsuitcase]

Gentle Very agressive fucking reminder that if you want to hate on a character, don't do it under the post of someone loving them. Don't bring hate into a space of love. Big genuine fuck you and you're a giant asshole if you do that.

[scarrletmoon]

so we’re just not believing the show itself or the actual words that came out of izzy’s mouth as he was dying, huh

[jalapenobee]

look i've kept my mouth shut most of this time here but i'm getting real fucking tired of this shit that's been going around lately.

ai art generators scrape real, human creator's art and copy it down and call it original.

ai chats takes lines from human-made stories, usually fanfic, and claims it to use in an rp.

i don't care if you think it looks like real art because it's not. i don't care that it's 'cooler' to do roleplay with a robot than a human. it's the product of theft from creators who put feeling into their work and put it out into the world.

[melancholiaenthroned]

the tumblr pirate poll drama going rn is sooo funny but its like. so annoying because its literally the whitest argument u can make like

"we dont live in a perfect world so you cant be critical of racism in tv shows if those shows also have gay people. you cannot afford to be picky when it comes to allies right now so please stop saying mean things about the show i like or else i cant really be an ally with you. the racism in the show would stick out more (to me, a white person) if there was less racism in the world overall. but as there isnt i think its fine actually."

and this is because of a tumblr poll. youre mad a character you put in a tumblr poll won against another character in a tumblr poll.

[vanweezer]

"i see them as friends!" "platonic besties!" until its an m/m pairing. friendship hcs surface level explorations of the guy character because you dont actually like the girl character or working her into your "secretly good version" the media because she ruins your yaoi vibe you have going. "see this is actually comphet" only from the pov of a man in a relationship with a woman hes known and loved and trusted for years because the 3 minutes of screen time he got with one man is actually "the first time he allowed himself to love". dont piss me off

[darksideofthemamon]

Well, fuck

[lumiilys]

Me trying to remain positive in the notes of that wang/xian vs black/bonnet poll cause I genuinely respect wang/xian but man the notes are annoying as hell. People making fun of that person who didn’t know wang/xian is canon just rlly rubs me the wrong way idk idk, that person was corrected and then genuinely apologised but people are still being weird about it??? Not every misunderstanding needs to be met with aggression guys jfc sometimes you just need to calmly explain and then everything will be okay

[hazbin-but-good]

another hazbin hotel rewrite/redesign?

yup! and i'm so serious about it that i made a whole blog for it. i'm a white queer ex-cath tran doing this as an art and writing exercise, so feedback from other creatives + jewish and/or racialized folks is especially welcome.

i'm putting this post and only this post in the main tags for visibility. also, not gonna link my main, but i do make my own original stuff, and i encourage fans and haters alike to do the same.

anyway, here's a mostly good-faith 1.7k-word essay on the original. i think it's pretty funny and brings up some less talked-about points. correct me on the facts, disagree with my opinions, and ask clarifying questions, but don't come at me with any piss-poor reading comprehension.

the hellaverse is garbage, and here's why

cw: strong language, stronger opinions, intersectional feminist critical discourse analysis

1. vivienne medrano, the person

medrano was born as a well-off white-passing latina (salvadoran-american) in bougieass frederick, maryland. while attending new york's top art school, she got popular on deviantart-tumblr-twitter by being a prolific multifandom fujoshi furry who's more into ornamental character design than storytelling. upon graduation, she leveraged her fanbase and industry connections to make the hazbin and helluva boss pilots, get helluva made for youtube, and get hazbin made for amazon prime.

like every woman online, she gets harassed for no good reason, and as a certified autist, i will defend her right to be dumb, weird, annoying, and bad with words. however, there are legit reasons to criticize her:

racism, misogyny, homophobia, fatphobia, some antisemitism, past transphobia, past ableism

shitty boss, bad friend

cowardly, vindictive, manipulative, thoughtless behavior

skeevy friends

sucks at taking criticism

in short, i think she desperately needs a PR person and someone to clean up her digital footprint.

2. medrano's art

incurious

inauthentic

noncommittal

creatively stagnant

overindulgent, and the indulgence isn't even fun

shallow and childish framed as complex and mature

bland and boring framed as shocking and subversive

to be clear, i'm at peace with the existence of suckass art like this; i just think the money, attention, and praise it gets are unearned and should go to more interesting works, of which there are infinite.

medrano's had the time, money, and social cache to grow as an artist, learn from the best, and take creative risks, but she hasn't. if she truly has nothing more to offer, she should let her collaborators take the wheel, but she doesn't do that either. instead, she keeps getting more and more resources to make the same baby bullshit, and that pisses me off. she could be the nicest person ever, and this fundamental arrogance would still make her art blow.

stop with the pointless guilt: liking medrano's work does not make you stupid or evil. however, if you stay in the kiddie pool of culture, if you refuse to engage with a diversity of art, if the hellaverse is your point of reference for anything media-related, you can't expect to have your opinions on art, media, or culture taken seriously. you have not earned a seat at the table. you gotta hit the books first.

i cannot emphasize enough how much incredible stuff is out there if you're willing to look further than what social media and streaming services put right in front of you. if you come away from this blog having learned about just one new artist or piece of art, i'll be a happy camper.

3. the hellaverse

a. empty and confused

hazbin and helluva's content and marketing has no clear target audience. the subjects are inappropiate for teens, but the execution is too childish for adults, and lemme tell you what i don't mean by that, first.

not inherently inappropriate for teens:

sex and sexuality

violence, including when it intersects with the above

politics and religion

not inherently childish:

animation (any style)

comedy

episodic writing and/or loose continuity

young characters

fun, happiness, optimism, the power of friendship, cuteness, tenderness, sincerity, etc.

what i mean is that these shows are literally about adult characters who fuck, smoke, drink, do drugs, go clubbing, work full-time, manage their own finances, and deal with stuff like bureaucracy, sexual violence, domestic abuse, marriage, divorce, late adoption, and family estrangement.

however, none of these "adult" things are given enough specificity to create drama or comedy. it's all too stock, vague, flat, weirdly sanitized, and thus utterly banal—pure aesthetics on top of bad saturday morning cartoons. it's exactly what i'd expect from a sheltered disney kid who needs to log off and get into their local gay scene ASAP so their only contact with things like poverty, policing, addiction, and sex work stops being facile movies and TV.

if the shows were aware of this and played with it, that could be amazing, but they're not. they give you the mickey mouse version of the world with a straight face and then play looney tunes sound effects to try to make you laugh and sad_violin.mp3 to try to make you cry. now that's funny.

b. old and tired

let's make like americans and pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist. even within the confines of the USA, home of the hays code, the red scare, and reaganite propaganda, this neopuritan fascist state ruled by 1000 megachurches in a trenchcoat, the indie/underground animation scene has been doing crazier shit for decades. anti-war films in the 60's, bakshi movies in the 70's, the simpsons shorts and r-rated movies in the 80's, adult swim and MTV in the 90's, flash/newgrounds/youtube in the 00's, streaming in the 2010's—so what are we doing in the 2020's with this wet white rice drowned in expired ketchup? i feel crazy making this point because it's obvious if you've watched these things, but if you haven't, you're gonna be like "well, there's gotta be something new here". no! there isn't! in the words of jimmy "the scot" jordan, nothing, nothing, NOTHING!

c. ideological purgatory

actually, there is one thing in these shows i've never seen before: the presbysterianism. shout out some interesting or at least intentional presbysterian art in the comments, because the way these ideas are presented here is not compelling. it just makes the rainbow neoliberalism even more confusing and contradictory.

i guess the big presbysterian things are protestanism, calvinism, and, uh, big church government? presbysterians, get your shit together. get your brand down. catholics have BDSM and vampires, evangelicals have TV and corporatism; what do you have? celtic crosses? no wonder medrano has such uninspired ideas on divinity.

d. queer deficiency

when i look at a piece of art, i ask myself: "what does this give me that i can't get from the hunchback of notre dame (1996)?" if the answer is as limp as "uhh, gay people, i guess", i can probably look for my gay shit elsewhere and rewatch the hunchback of notre dame (1996) in the meantime.

but let's say that you have no standards. you've been waiting for ages for a show about gays by the gays for the gays, and by god you're gonna get it. this is it! here we go! time for some

generic twink obliteration

male sexuality as aggression and dominance displays

WLW (sex and chemistry not included)

a couple straight femdoms

and the stalest sex jokes known to man

...yeah, it's not very queer. and by "queer", i mean "questioning or subverting gender norms (including sexual roles) within a given cultural context regardless of creator identity and intent". i'm not a queer studies scholar so LMK if there's a more specific term for this, but whatever you call it, it's not in the hellaverse much.

there's not even any transness, literal or metaphorical, just ancient drag jokes. i guess the writers thought we would've been too controversial. so much for an indie animation studio that prides itself in the diversity of its staff both above and below the line, bakshi-style. i wonder how medrano, a bisexual woman, would've felt if told that a lesbian main couple in hazbin would be "too controversial".

4. spindlehorse and the vivziepop brand

spindlehorse toons underpays its overworked staff and keeps outsourcing more and more labor to even more overworked freelancers overseas to cut costs. a rainbow sweatshop is still a sweatshop, and just because these practices may be "industry standard" doesn't make them any more ethical.

the studio has also been repeatedly accused by current and former employees and contractors of creating a hostile and abusive workplace. AFAIK, it still has no dedicated HR person, and victims are too afraid of retaliation like blacklisting and online harassment to speak out.

this is exactly the stuff that unions exist to prevent. as i'm writing this, the IATSE (the parent union of TAG, which is the parent union of all US animation unions) is negotiating with entertainment industry executives for better working conditions, and if the execs fuck around like last year, it's strike time again. so watch this space, voice your support, and don't cross any picket lines.

i hope spindlehorse unionizes, but until then and for these reasons, i don't think you should give money to the company.

first of all, all content on amazon-owned platforms is ok to pirate, and all youtube ads are ok to block. everyone involved in making the episodes has (or should have) been paid upfront, so you're not taking the bread out of anyone's mouth.

next, let's look at the succulent offerings of the official vivziepop merch shop:

$10 pins and keychains

$15 sticker packs

$20 mugs and acrylic cutouts

$25 shirts

$30 metal cards (not even tarot)

$40 lounge pants

$50 mini backpacks

random $80 skateboard deck

forgive my latin americanness, but this is all stuff you can get made by a local metalsmith, print/sublimation shop, or just crafty people in your life. it's cheaper, customizable, and better for the environment to skip all the shipping and packaging. also, not painting your own skateboard is poser shit.

the hazbin website also has $15 pins, one $20 keychain, and $6 trading card packs. people are weird about trading cards, so if for some reason you wanna gamble for a mass-produced bit of cardboard, plastic, and tinfoil, at least bulk-order for all the vivziepoppers in your area so it's less of a huge waste. better yet, trace the designs and make infinite bootlegs.

at the end of the day, buying merch is not activism. your bulk order of trading cards will not save any wage slaves from getting evicted from their overpriced studio apartments. however, the shop links you to all the credited artists/designers, and more of your bucks will actually reach them if you buy their designs directly, then turn them into body pillows or life-sized bronze statues or whatever the fuck.

go through the credits of any episode of helluva or hazbin, and you'll find even more creatives you might wanna support. get jinkx monsoon's albums on CD. subscribe to actually good artist, animator, and composer gooseworx. lots of voice actors now have patreon, cameo, or self-hosted pages where you can write better lines for their characters and have them read it. these things may not look as shiny as Official Merch™, but we all need less plastic shit and more culture anyway.

[these-posts-arent-real]

(masterpost link)

Aaand we have returned to the madness on a larger scale! What are these cats up to...

#sighh #i know i've been away from dash sim posting for a while #was dealing with my last few days of school #but #that is Over Now #i can return to fulfilling everyone's need for Warrior Cats But Tumblr

57 notes

🐦 s3afow1s--sc0wl Follow

PLEASE stop talking about the most recent TTDV slates without spoilers, it hasn't made its rounds to ShadowClan yet and I don't want to know what's going to happen before I read it!!!!

#ttdv discussion #ttdv:rp #through the desert vast #ttdv: rattlesnake path #ttdv #through the desert vast: rattlesnake path #especially since i heard the newest slates have seafowl in them a lot #he's my specialest guy...

9 notes

🔁 🛤 carnation-stem-02 reblogged

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

I think the worst thing about no longer being a Clan cat is that a lot of the time I have no idea what y'all over there are talking about. What is TTDV?

🦁 lionsight-x3 Follow

TTDV stands for Through the Desert Vast. It's a new slate series everyone's going bee-brained over... I haven't read it yet because I prefer for a series to be finished before reading, but I've heard good things. Queer rep within the first couple chapters of the first slate-set, a non-traditional setting and cast (a rogue group living in the desert), and complex characters... needless to say I'm excited for when it finishes and I can read it!

#it's been on my to-read list for a while #maybe this is a sign #it seems pretty cool #ttdv

2,070 notes

🔁 🐦 s3afow1s--sc0wl reblogged

⛰️ fc-rockpaint Follow

In honor of Through the Desert Vast becoming popular, I've decided to make a rock-dye project on all of the main characters. Today's character is... Seafowl!

Unfortunately I don't have the right paints to portray him accurately (I haven't been able to find any white herbs for his patches, but I'm still on the lookout!) but this is mostly accurate to how he is described in the slates.

🌠 nightshade-tast3s-yummy Follow

Pssst... @s3afow1s--sc0wl

#eeeek! seafowl! #i looove him so much... my precious boy... #art #ttdv #ttdv seafowl #thanks for the tag!

162 notes

🔁 🌻 l1llyst3m reblogged

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

Aahhhh I've finally gotten into TTDV and... NOBODY was gonna tellme that one of the characters is heavily implied to be transfem? Nobody thought I'd find this interesting????

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

SCRATCH THAT. IT'S CANON. PIT VIPER IS CANONICALLY TRANS.

🐚 hermitcrabfriend Follow

I had wondered if you were talking about Pit Viper when I saw this post a cople days ago! Apparently so ^w^ yeah, it's canon, gets confirmed in the second slate set.

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

This makes me wonder. Why is everyone on this site talking about Seafowl saying he gives "egg vibes" when we have. An actual confirmed trans character. Right here.

Nothing against Seafowl but the only vibe he gives off to me is traumatized.

🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow

He's your typical prettyboy cishet protagonist type and everyone is pissed off that he's a side character rather than ttdv's ✨️specialest boy✨️. So they're trying to make him special by claiming he gives off trans vibes when he clearly does not and is happy as a tom.

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

#wait till op reads rattlesnake path

What do you mean by that-

#what do you MEAN by that— #im gonna need context #is this /pos or /neg #does something bad happen in rattlesnake path?? #help someone pls #through the desert vast #ttdv

103 notes

🔁 🥬 rxttencatmint reblogged

🥬 rxttencatmint

Im so fucking irritated... my mom wont let me read TTDV because it's "inApPrOpRiAtE." Which. Of course. Is because it has lgbtqia+ characters.

🥬 rxttencatmint

WONDEDFUL NEWS. MY MENTOR LET ME BORROW HIS COPY OF THE FIRST SET. AHHHHH!!!!! I GET TO READ IT!!

#YIPPEEEEE #òwó im so exCITED!!! #ive been wanting to read ttdv for a whileee #i love my mentor sm

5 notes

🪵 i-eat-moss Follow

My unpopular opinion (TTDV:RP SPOILERS INCOMING)

Keep reading

#ttdv:rp #ttdv #rattlesnake path spoilers #ttdv spoilers #ttdv:rp spoilers #nothing against pit viper!!! #i like her as a character #i just dont get why we got a whole book explaining her backstory

203 notes

🐚 hermitcrabfriend Follow

I LOOOOVE RATTLESNAKE PATH SO MUCH. IVE JUST GOTTEN TO READ IT AND IM SO EXCITED. OMG.

Not only is it a whole set dedicated to my favorite character !!! like a dream come true!!! It ALSO contains good intersex rep (Ball Python my beloved!!!). Over all just a FANTASTIC set in a fantastic series.

12 notes

🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow

I'm... back?? I'M BACK ON CLANBLR!!!! WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO

#i thought i'd never get back #stuck on Tumblr...

0 notes

🍽 the-post-maker

I hope y'all enjoyed this insight into what the cats do when they get fandom-y... and if you want to discuss TtDV further... well, there's a server for that ;) now back to your regular dash

[tex-now]

Hey is it just me or do certain fans complain about how much they hate the other groups instead of loving theirs.

I don't think calling out the misogyny in this fandom is wrong, not in the slightest (my most popular post is calling out the way people treat ena versus akito because of their gender), but most of the time these call out posts just result in more negativity and arguments rather than any like. Productive discussion.

I don't wanna hear about how minoharu and anhane are more canon than ruikasa and akitoya and are Therefore More Valid And Liking Ruikasa More Is Wrong And Bad (exaggerated but most of the time people do insult a ship in order to promote their own) (also sometimes implies that rarepairs are less valid which is a dick move). I wanna hear about the interesting (and I mean very interesting) relationship that an has with kohane, her feelings of inadequacy and slight envy, I wanna hear about how minori (and the rest of mmj) inspired haruka to get back on the stage, and how minori finally got to "repay" haruka in a way.

I didn't start liking ichika because of people endlessly complaining about how underutilized she is and how You Guys Just Don't Get Her, Read The Stories And you'll Discover That She's Actually Perfect Actually (this one isn't an exaggeration but it was on YouTube not Tumblr so in it goes), I started liking her because I learned about her character, her sheer determination and love for her friends, and her want to resonate with people's hearts from people who really like her.

I'm not gonna pretend the Ruikasa fandom and akitoya fandom can't be annoying, a lot of them are toxic and have a habit of making everything about Ruikasa/akitoya while reducing their relationships with other characters to push their shipping narrative. It pisses me off. A lot. I could write (and probably will write) an entire essay on how entitled and bitchy Ruikasa/akitoya fans can be, and I definitely understand how it can build up resentment towards a ship, and how their mass popularity is most definitely attributed to the fact that they are men (which results in an extreme lack of understanding of their actual characters and overall dynamic, reducing them to "top tall sexy one" and "bottom cute feminine one" which upsets me to hell and back). And calling this out is not wrong in the slightest.

but needlessly attacking a ship that someone likes is not a call out. calling Ruikasa and akitoya "a stupid ship" is not a call out. Actively insulting people for liking it is not a call out. Adding Ruikasa and akitoya tags to your post bashing them is not a callout. It's being a dick. You are not doing anything productive by calling Ruikasa and akitoya shippers idiots or stupid or insulting their taste you are only going to piss people off and you know that you are going to piss people off.

Acknowledge but do not attack. Be civil. And if you cant be civil then save everyone some time and keep it private.

Oh yeah. And be annoying about your blorbos. Make KING kanamafu art. Put shizuairi in Fragile. Talk about how much you love your girl ships and your girl characters and don't event mention the guys, make fanfiction and fanart of the girls, I really really want you to, genuinely, because they do get less rep in the fandom than their male counterparts, so more content of the girls is always great. It feels a lot better than complaining about a ship you don't even like, I promise

(Btw I mention this in the tags but if anyone wants to add input or correct me on something you totally can. My words aren't law and this post is just me stating my thoughts, and I invite you to share yours if you want.)

[77ngiez-archive]

i wonder what pafl tumblr would be like

1 note

🍑 upto30meters

i think beautiful bpd boys should be allowed to do nefarious things sometimes. dont ask me abt my weekend plans

#sanyechkaa if ur reading this tell ur brother to go fuck himself #txt #hall of fame

23,719 notes

👁 eagleeyed1

this prison food is passé

#why am i in prison? don't worry about it

7 notes

📙 false-epitaphs

i am so sick of my friend vagueposting about his illegal plans

#and as if thats not enough the post BLEW UP TOO #if he gets arrested i blame this website #thats a joke hes stupid so itll be all his fault #dont rb btw #epitaphs: textpost

5 notes

👿 anger-management-official

#poll #small musician #music #polls #HAHA I FOUND THIS IN DRAFTS I THINK ARTHUR MEANT TO POST IT YESTERDAY #I EDITED SOME OF THE OPTIONS FOR HIM LMAOO

14 notes

🍜 kt003-415-deactivated-20150831

ill be deactivaing this acount soon, i dont get a phone were im going '). love u guys!! dont come lookig for me!!

🍑 upto30meters

KATYA IM COMING

#I DIDNT KNOW SHE HAD A TUMBLR???? SANYA WAS THIS UR DOING????? #WHAT WAS SHE DOING ON TUMBLR SHE COULDNT EVEN SPELL

2 notes

🐱 itzanya14

FORCING MY BOYFRIEND TO READ WARRIOR CATS WISH US LUCK

#talking tag #boyfriend tag #weve been really stressed out lately (family drama basically) so were gonna unwind with some wc uwu

4 notes

🚗 ilovemyjesusandfightingandmygf

@yanikastudy HOW DO I POST

📚 yanikastudy

you just did dear))

#not academia #❤️: vanya

3 notes

🌀 spasticlightsky

My girlfriend (<3) is making me read a very confusing book. I don't believe cats are this intelligent.

0 notes

🏞 srgkzrn

I fucking hate kids

#Never should have let this idiot get near my sister #Vent

0 notes

🔥 ifthiswasthemanagement

im gonna kill my brother

#DOES HE KNOW WHAT PROFESSIONALISM IS #whatever whatever its just a dumbass poll #but its pissing me off #why would he remove the see results button????? #NOT TO MENTION I WAS KEEPING IT IN DRAFTS FOR A REASON #goddd #delete later

5 notes

⚗️ zonefucker69

I'm ashamed at the board's lack of scientific taste(((

0 notes

🕶 cassettephones-deactivated-20110418

me and my brother are going to haunt the narrative so hard someday, rb if u agree

37 notes

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

A/N ::: I'm so fuckin' pissed at Tumblr right now. I had everything all done and the fucking thing wouldn't post. So, here's the bare bones of what I had.

MDNI UNDER THE CUT

THIS IS SMUTTY AND FLUFFY. IT'S FLUT. PLEASE JOIN ME IN ADDING THIS TO THE READILY AVAILABLE TAGS.

I LOVE THIS MAN. I NEED THIS MAN IN SO MANY WAYS I'VE LOST COUNT.

PLEASE ENJOY THIS. GIVE KAFKA THE LOVE HE DESERVES.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING.

WC ::: JUST OVER 800.

"Ay-yo! Just what do you think you're doing? Mm, miss? I don't think my lady would appreciate you grabbing my ass like that. Especially since she's not around to defend what's hers." Kafka batted your hand away from his chest after you lightly smacked his cute little butt. 

"Oh hush. If your 'lady' had any clue as to just how much of a stud muffin you are, she'd never take her sights off of that sexy dad bod you've got going on here." You climbed into the shower and stood behind him, pressing your still dry breasts against his soaking back. 

"D-dad bod? But I - we - there are no kids. I don't have kids. I - we haven't even talked about having kids." He sounded like he was starting to panic. 

"Calm down. Calm ..." You ran your hands from the fronts of his shoulders down his chest and lightly scratched his upper thighs with your nails, "down."

You felt him tense up beneath your fingertips before he pushed your hands away and turned to face you. 

"Look, Miss...?" He backed you up against the shower wall and pressed his erection to your own cute, pudgy belly. "Eh, y'name's not important. I'll forget it anyway because my heart belongs to another. But I'm gonna make damn sure you never forget who I am." 

Kafka grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head and he held them there with one hand. His other hand traced the swell of the outline of your left breast. 

"Keep your hands there. Don't move them until I tell you to do so. Understood? Miss?" He was speaking so closely to your ear that you could feel the breath behind his words. 

You nodded, looking a little taken aback by his behavior. 

He grabbed your right thigh with his hand and hiked your leg up over his hip and pressed into you. You felt everything. 

Kafka slid his hand from your thigh to your backside and lifted your other leg up to wrap around his waist. He slowly lowered you onto his cock, watching your face all the while.

"Miss, you're so tight. Can't say I've ever experienced anything quite like this before. Damn, heh."

You gasped as he fully buried himself inside of you. The warm water was making the entire experience even more enjoyable.

"I told you not to move, Miss. What part of that didn't you understand?" He growled at you.

Kafka shifted his hips and thrust himself into you with such force that you had to bite your lip to keep from screaming. His hands gripped your backside so tightly that you were sure he was going to leave bruises.

"Oh fuck!" You cried out, trying to free your hands from his grip.

"Ah, ah, ah. No. You stay right there." He bit down on your shoulder, drawing a moan from you.

Kafka continued to slam into you, and you could feel yourself starting to tremble from the intensity everything.

"K-Kafka! I-I'm gonna ... oh shit! Oh my god!" You tried to pull your arms away from him, but he wouldn't let go.

"Hold it. Not yet." He moved his hips in a circular motion, grinding into you.

"Please! Please, Kafka! Let me cum! Please!" You begged him.

"Alright. Go ahead, Miss. Cum for me." He released your wrists and held on to your hips with both hands, pushing himself deeper and deeper into you.

You dug your nails into his back and screamed his name as you finally released the tension that had been building inside of you.

"Ah, hah hah hah! Fuck, Kafka! Fuck!" You continued to moan as he slowed down his pace and gently slid out of you.

"That's it, Miss. That's a good girl." He groaned as he reached his own orgasm. You could feel him cum hard inside of you. Your walls pulsating around his throbbing dick. 

He wrapped his arms around you and held you close, kissing your neck and shoulders. "Was that too rough? I didn't hurt you, did I, kitten?" 

You were still trying to catch your breath. But you smiled and shook your head no, "Mm - Kafka, that was so hot. And where did you get the idea to call me 'Miss?'" You found yourself blushing, even after all of that you two just did. 

"Mm-mm-mm. Jus' came to me. You uh, you liked it, huh?" 

"Kafka, you were amazing." You pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. "You are amazing."

He smiled and kissed you on the lips and gave your butt a playful smack.

You reached for the body wash and started to soap yourself up.

"I don't know about that, Miss. There's something about you that I find strangely irresistible." He winked at you.

"You are talking about me, right? You must be crazy." You teased him.

"Nah, just crazy happy." 

@supersecretsaga @kazutora-kurokawa @southside-otaku

@darkstarlight82 @bakubunny @arlerts-angel

@reiners-milkbiddies @trevengersprincess @katkusuo

@viburnt

[csbnova]

HIIIEEE all of ur text aus(they arent technically aus ik shush what else do we even call them..?) are soo fun to read im backflipping, and u seem like a super nice person i hope youre having a good time on tumblr bc i certainly dislike it very much here🥹🥹 genuinely there are so many weird people who will piss you off BUT fret not as i am putting a spell on you that will keep them away for the next five years

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*⊹₊ ⋆°⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ zbadoink

anyways i was gonna ask if u write for hiori… if u do, id love to see bf texts with him sometime <3 either way have a suuuper nice day and stay safe!!! mwah

Hiori bf texts ૪

notes: YOURE SO SWEETTT UGH TYSM🫶 i hope you start having a better time on here than you were before 😭 enjoy cutie 💙

alsoo idk i call them aus bc like why not yk🦹

tags: fluff, gn reader, slight suggestive convo, kys jokes, angst(just a tiny bit)

᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃

᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃

᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃

᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃᳃

you guys i love hiori sm omg… did excessive research on him

“but he doesn’t talk abt his parents! he’s not-“ SHUT UP SHUT UP HE WOULD TELL HIS PARTNER EVERYTHING 💔💔

anyways yeah drinking hot choco w/ hiori would fix me yall don’t understand UGH ND HIS CUDDLES TOO

no i’m not posting this at 3:00 AM what are you talking abt…

[the-golden-comet]

✨🏴‍☠️OC Questionnaire Mega Tag 🏴‍☠️✨

Thank you so so much for all these OC Questionnaire Tags:

@tragedycoded here, @wyked-ao3 here and here, @jev-urisk here, @illarian-rambling here,

@oliolioxenfreewrites here, @drchenquill here, @pluppsauthor here, and @saturnine-saturneight here. Thank you everyone who has tagged me, and even if I don’t see your tag just know that I appreciate you a lot! (I found out that Tumblr doesn’t catch all the times I’m mentioned either. Feel free to DM me if you wanna chat or get added to my writing list! ✨)

Allllright let’s get started on these….who should I—

….Oh.

Cheers, mate! 🍻

Five Things that make you happy?

Benjamin, Rum, my ship, my mates, and blasting the smug grin off the faces of royals :)

If you could save just one other person who would it be?

Take one guess, mate.

Tell us one of your funniest jokes.

There once was a lad whose nose flew off from a point-blank shot. What did he say? “Tell us one of your funniest jokes.” No? Not laughing? Oh darn, I thought that was quite the knee slapper there. :)

Where would you like to visit?

Around the Caribbean Isles with my husband and crew. The waters should be good this time of year…

When do you usually go to sleep?

Well, depends….usually after Benji and I—

Benjamin: —STOP. 😡

Are you a jealous person?

Absolutely.

Have you committed a crime?

….Nah. ;)

Do you have a chore you absolutely hate?

Usually it’s the mates that do those, but cleaning the heads has never been a favorable chore for any of them.

Benjamin:…Not at all. 😑

Tell me an embarrassing childhood story.

I was spending a night in the slammer after Officer Ralph caught me pickpocketing. I tried using the butter from my bread at dinner to slip through the bars, and wound up getting stuck. Officer Ralph was none too pleased about that one, as he had to get out the hacksaw on the iron bars to free me.

Are you a good person?

I’m a pirate. Are pirates known to be good people?

Benjamin: You’re a pirate with a heart of gold, Peter.

Oh love, you’re gonna make me blush. I’ll remember that line next time I’ve pissed you off enough~

What's the worst thing you've ever done? Do you regret it?

…..Oh Gods. I don’t think I want to go there…

Benjamin: …It’s fine, Peter—

—it’s not. Back on Bloodwater Bay, I….I still wake in cold sweats to that scream.

Benjamin: It had to be done. I realize it now. You saved me….

….I may have saved you, but I’m no hero for that.

What's the quickest way to make you laugh?

Insulting parliament. Or robbing them blind.

What is your favorite song right now?

“The Wellerman” is right fun, it is. Never fails to make me break out in a jig with the mates.

Do you sometimes wish to be someone else?

Mmmmmmnope. Can’t say I do.

Do you push forward or take time to rest?

I’d take time in the islands to let my mates rest, but if I let my guard down for even a second it could spell disaster. I remain vigilant, even in slumber.

What is your favorite drink?

Ron de Barbados. A gorgeous, rich rum with earthy flavors and hints of vanilla. A kick of cinnamon spice, and a dash of hazelnut that tickles the tongue. A bottles worth about twenty grand, but you’d be a fool to think I’d purchase a bottle to enjoy its contents :)

If you had to pick an item of clothing or an accessory to wear for the rest of your life, what would it be?

It’d have to be my father’s tricorn. I’m honored to continue his legacy.

If you were forced to forget one memory, what would you choose?

Remember that thing I regret? On Bloodwater Bay? If I could erase that from my mind, I’d do so in a heartbeat. The day I nearly lost my husband is a day that still rests as a deep scar stitched across my chest, and perched there is the little red bird that I must protect at all costs.

What is a positive thing your worst enemy would say about you?

That I have guts. And I’m not afraid to spill them.

Thank you, Peter. 🏴‍☠️💛✨

Leaving this as an +open tag for anyone who wishes to join 💛✨

✨👇Tag list for writing snippets below. DM me if you’d like to get added 👇✨

Tag List for writing tidbits (lmk if you want + or -)

@deanwax , @dyrewrites , @paeliae-occasionally , @lychhiker-writes , @thatuselesshuman , @katenewmanwrites , @zackprincebooks , @fantasy-things-and-such , @finickyfelix , @billybatsonmylove , @madi-konrad , @froggy-pposto , @fractured-shield , @avaseofpeonies , @topazadine , @willtheweaver , @rivenantiqnerd , @somethingclevermahogony , @noxxytocin , @leahnardo-da-veggie , @mysticstarlightduck , @yourpenpaldee , @moltenwrites , @pixies-love-envy , @davycoquette , @writeahurricane , @nczaversnick , @lavender-gloom , @smellyrottentrees , @aintgonnatakethis , @thecomfywriter , @pluppsauthor , @flurrysahin , @authorcoledipalo , @jadeglas , @spookyceph , @astramachina , @48lexr , @differentnighttale , @inseasofgreen , @saebasanart , @leatafandom

[mynameismckenziemae]

Intimate History Part I

(next part here)

You finally get Jake to tell you about his history with Rooster and things take an interesting turn.

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, MMF, oral (m receiving), dom/sub, sub!jake, femdom, humiliation, spelling/grammatical/punctuation errors, lmk if I missed any.

A/N: I’m an idiot. I thought I was deleting my own repost (I apparently screwed up the tags on the original post so it wasn’t showing up under any of the tags 🙄) and I ended up deleting the original. You’d think I’d have tumblr figured out after a year but I guess not. Anywho, please let me know what you think, but be kind…I’m sensitive.

*bzz bzz*

Rooster reaches into his pocket to check his phone, almost dropping it when he opens the message you’ve sent to both him and Jake. 

"Can't wait you see you!" with a picture attached of you in your sexiest lingerie, vibrator in hand with the tips of your fingers trailing under the waistband of your panties.

“Damn, Jake is one lucky man”, Bradley thinks, almost light headed by how quickly his blood rushes to his groin. 

He’s snapped out of his train of thought as he hears a throat clear 2 seats from his left. 

“Oh God, Hangman is gonna be so pissed. She must’ve accidentally attached it to our group text on accident” he realizes, quickly deleting the picture. 

He quickly types out, “I don’t think that was meant for me, honey. I’m sorry, I opened it before I knew what it was, but I’ve already deleted it.”

Bradley sets his phone face down on the table in front him, avoiding Jake’s gaze, willing his erection to go down while attempting to listen to the briefing. 

*bzz bzz*

Rooster reaches for his phone again, expecting to see your horrified response. His stomach flipped as he opens it. 

“It was meant for exactly who got it. I know about the little crush you have on me” your message reads. This time the picture attached was of your hand completely down the lacy front of your thong, the wet spot giving away your arousal.

Bradley startled as he heard a sharp inhale from Jake. He slowly lifted his gaze to Jake’s, expecting to see him hot with anger, but was surprised to see a different kind of heat. 

*bzz bzz*

“I’m guessing Jake hasn’t asked you yet, naughty boy—you’ll pay for that later by the way. I’ll see you both in a few days. If you’re not up for it, no hard feelings, we’ll pretend this conversation never happened.” The final picture had him swallowing his tongue. Your eyes closed and cheeks flushed as you sucked on the fingers you just had in your heat.

Bradley slowly put his phone back in his pocket, noticing the fabric tenting the front of Jake’s pants. 

________________________________________

You laughed as you stripped off your lingerie and got in the shower, wishing to be a fly in the wall when Jake and Bradley talked. 

The recent trysts in the shower and gym had cracked Jake open, and soon his secrets and desires came spilling out. 

_____________________________________________________

You could’ve cut the tension with a knife when you were introduced to Bradley; immediately honing in on the attraction on both sides. But your relationship with Jake was so new, you decided to keep your questions to yourself; at least for the time being. 

Your suspicions were confirmed a few weeks prior to the deployment, a few weeks after you gave his "reminder" in the shower.

 Head laying on Jake’s chest, drawing circles on his skin when you asked, “So why is your safe word 'Rooster'?”

You felt Jake stiffen beneath your head, you sit up to look at him, but he won’t meet your gaze. 

“What’s wrong? We don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready.” You said, pulling his chin to look you in the eye. 

“I…have a history with Rooster…an intimate one. It started when we were both trying to hook up with this girl. She suggested we both go home with her and well, we did. We ended up kissing during it and ended up fooling around a few times. No sex, just a few hand jobs and I gave him head once. So I guess I’m…bi? I lean more towards women and I don’t need that to be satisfied sexually. You’re more than enough; you’re everything to me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, and I understand if it’s a dealbreaker for you, I…” You silenced him with your lips.

You kiss him until you’re both breathless. “That is so fucking hot.” you murmur against his jaw, kissing a line down his neck. 

“It is? You’re not mad?” Jake asks, sounding so unsure, it breaks your heart. 

You lift your head from the trail you were making down his chest to meet his eyes. “Of course not. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me. Now tell me more about when you guys were together” you say as you swallow his cock. 

___________________________________________________________

Jake rolls off you an hour later, sleepy and satisfied. 

“Would you ever want to share me…with Bradley?” You ask shyly 

Jake whips his head to the side. “Seriously? You’d actually want that? You’re not just saying it because you think I’d want it?”

“No, I’ve always wanted to have a threesome, and now I’m not going to be able to get the image of you two out of my head. Do you think Roo would be interested?” You ask. 

“Yes. No doubt. I’ve busted him checking out your ass so many times. Nat told me he was ready to hit on you before he realized you were with me. He has quite a little crush on you” Jake smirks. 

You laugh, “Pffft, no way“. 

“I’ll bring it up while we’re on the boat and will let you know” Jake says with a kiss to your forehead. 

________________________________________

Bringing it up to Rooster had proved to be harder than he thought it would. 

The entire crew was still under the impression that you were sweet and innocent with how you blushed when someone made a dirty comment, how it took a few drinks for you to loosen up and relax. Your shyness was just finally starting to improve around the group after nearly 2 years together. 

If they only knew the delicious, dirty things you and Jake got up to.

Jake feared that Bradley would assume he was coercing you into something. 

You remedied that by sending those pictures and messages during the briefing. Jake almost came in his pants seeing the picture of you sucking your fingers and calling him a naughty boy. Christ, you were going to be the death of him. And now Rooster knows you call the shots; making a sweet mixture of shame and arousal shot through him, making him shift in his seat. 

________________________________________

Jake feels Bradley’s eyes on him as they walk back to their rooms after the briefing. 

Bradley shoots a quick glance to the left and right to make sure no one sees him as he slips behind Jake into his room. 

Kicking the door closed behind him, he reaches back to lock it; Jake freezes at the sound. Bradley stalks behind him and whispers in his ear, “Now, what were you supposed to be asking me?”

Goosebumps rise along Jake’s body. 

“She asked about our history before we deployed. I thought it would scare her away but she’s wondering if you’d want to join us sometime?” Jake forces out. 

“Your girl wants to be shared? The one who turns redder than a tomato whenever the topic of sex comes up? What made her ask? I haven’t told anyone about what we did.” Bradley grins as he slides his arms around Jake’s middle, loving the way Jake tenses. 

“Uh, we were uh, experimenting? In the shower. She, uhmm, asked me for my safe word. And I panicked and said "Rooster” Jake stuttered out. 

Bradley moves one hand up to rest under his pec, the other to trace circles on his lower abdomen, justtttt above his erection. “Experimenting huh? I’m intrigued. What could that sweet girl possibly do to you for you to need a safe word?”

Jake whimpers, face burning with shame but his cock somehow hardening further. “Shespankedmeintheshoweruntilialmostcameandnthensuckedmybrainsoutthroghmydick” he breathes. 

Bradley’s hips push his cock into Jake’s ass with a mind of their own at those words. “Fuck. You’re not serious, are you? That little thing brought you down a few pegs, did she? God, that’s so sexy. I’d like to see that. Did she make you cry? Hmm?”

Jake nods, too embarrassed and turned on to say anything. 

Bradley ghosts a kiss to Jake’s ear, “Tell her we’re on when we get back. I’m going to leave now, because I’m not doing anything until I see the words come from her pretty lips myself. You’re not going to touch yourself until we get back, do you hear me? Naughty boys don’t get to cum.”

Jake whines his disappointment, but nods in acceptance. 

Bradley steps back, tucking himself in the band of his boxer briefs to hide his hard on until he gets to the privacy of his own bunk, and leaves Jake’s room unnoticed. 

Jake looks down and his own erection and exhales a frustrated, “Fuck”. 

________________________________________

2 days later your phone vibrates in your pocket at work, signaling a message from Jake. 

“We’re back! Heading to the Hard Deck, meet us there after work?”

Attached is a selfie of Jake and Bradley, looking too good in their aviators, grinning like idiots.  "I'll see if I can head out a little early. See you soon!" you type back, crossing your fingers that one of your coworkers will cover you for the next 2 hours.

________________________________________

You stroll into the Hard Deck a little under an hour later, freshly showered and looking like a dream in your little sundress. 

“There she is!” You hear Jake before you’re swept off your feet. God, you missed him.

You lean in for a quick kiss, which Jake immediately deepens, much to the amusement of the crew. 

As you’re pulling away from the kiss, you hear a whispered “Get a room!” 

Your eyes meet Bradley’s as you turn in Jake’s arms, face flushing, but you keep eye contact as you reply, “You’d like that, wouldn’t you” with a wink.

Bradley chokes on his beer and nods, “Well played.”

________________________________________

A few rounds of pool and darts later, your face and chest are pink. Thankfully everyone still there figures it's the flush from the alcohol in your drink, but Jake’s been rutting his denim clad cock against you since your earlier kiss. You knew he was excited for the plans for that evening, but it was almost like he couldn’t control himself. “What’s gotten into you?” 

“You know how I finally talked to Bradley on Tuesday?”

“Mhmm, took you long enough” you k joke, smiling into his arm. 

“Well… he got me a little worked up, he didn’t kiss me or touch my dick or anything. Said he wanted to hear it from you in person first, but then he said…” Jake gulps. 

“What did he ask baby?” You ask, pushing your ass back into his erection. 

“He said I couldn’t touch myself until we were back; that naughty boys don’t get to cum” he whispered into your hair, embarrassed. 

You knew he liked it by the way his cock twitched against you when he said it. “And you listened?”

“Yes ma’am.” He nods. 

“Mmm good. Time to go.” You say as you grab his hand to lead him out. You mouth “Five minutes” as you pass Bradley and he gives you a nod. 

________________________________________

Thankfully Bradley parked the Bronco in the dark corner of the lot. As soon as you were out of sight, Jake had you pinned against the driver's door, kissing you hard, fingers playing with the hem of your dress. 

 He pulls back and looks you in the eye. “I missed you so much baby, you have no idea. Are you sure you want to do this?”

You smile and nod, taking his hand and pushing it under your dress. Watching his eyes widen as he realizes you aren’t wearing underwear. “Can you feel how sure I am?”

Jake slips two fingers in you, using the palm of his hand to press on your clit.

You both startle as you hear a throat clear to your right. "It's only been 4 minutes" you tease, pulling Jake's hand from under your dress. He starts to bring his wet fingers to his mouth, but you grab his hand and offer it instead to Bradley.

The boys lock eyes as Bradley sucks Jake's fingers clean. You whimper as a fresh wave of arousal coats your thighs.

Bradley releases his fingers and gives him the keys. "You're driving".

_________________________________________

You sit in the middle as Jake pulls out of the Hard Deck parking lot, resting your hand on Bradley's upper thigh. "Should we give him a show?" you breathe into his ear as you drag your hand closer to his groin.  Bradley nods and pulls you in for a kiss. His moustache tickles and you smile into his lips. He deepens the kiss, licking into your mouth, drawing a moan from you. You feel Jake's hand grip your thigh and your own hand travels over the sizeable bulge in Bradley's jeans, popping the button. "Lift your hips" you murmur against his lips. He does so and you help pull his pants and boxers down.  You shift in your seat, purposely nudging Jake's hips with your ass as you lean down to lick the precum gathering at Bradley's tip and moan at the taste. Bradley's hands fly into your hair, while Jake grips your hip.

You tease Bradley at first, kitten licking his shaft. You can feel his grip tighten in your hair, but doesn't push your head down. "Such a gentleman" you think. Without warning, you suck him to the back of your throat, tears prickling at your eyes as you fight not to gag. You start slow, but increase gradually with every bob of your head. "Christ, that mouth", Bradley groans, "You give head almost as good as Jake". You snort at that, giving him a little teeth on the way up. His grip tightens in your hair, but he lets out a breathy laugh. "I'm kidding, sweetheart. You're both good. So, so good.  Jake's hold on your hip tightens but he lets go. You hear him let out a groan of his own. "Ya'll are killing me. We're almost home". You feel him palming himself, trying to relieve some pressure. 

You feel the Bronco pull onto your street and double your efforts, moaning around Bradley and reach up to gently tug on his balls. 

"Honey, I'm gonna cum. Where do you want it?" Bradley grinds out, tugging on your hair to pull you off. You moan while you shake your head, encouraging him to let go.

You feel the vehicle stop in the driveway as Jake shifts it into park. You gently press on Bradley’s perineum and it sets him off; his balls draw up as he cums in your mouth. "Fucccccccccckkkkkkk" he moans, hips gently thrusting. You swallow most of it as you pull off him. 

You sit up and turn to Jake. He's wrecked, still desperately palming himself over his jeans. You put your hand over his as you lean over and kiss him hard, letting him have the rest of Bradley's cum from your mouth. Jake gasps as he tastes it and lets out the most pitiful whine. 

You pull away to see him panting as hard as Bradley is behind you, eyes screwed shut with a grimace on his face.

"I just came in my fucking pants".