#Warriors from Hell

[adamwatchesmovies]

Warriors from Hell (1990)

The question isn't whether a low-budget action movie called Warriors from Hell is bad. The question is, why is it bad? Laughable performances? Special effects that would be boo'ed out of a high school play. Maybe a cheezy plot with one-dimensional villains? How about because it's boring? I know. I never expected a film titled Warriors from Hell to nearly put me to sleep.

Jacob (Glen Gabela) is heartbroken when Col. Dankov Esperato (Shayne Leith) and his soldiers massacre the women and children of his village. The men are taken captive and brought to the communist’s camp to be trained as members of his army. As the red menace’s influence in the southern African country grows, lone wolf Matt Buttler (Deon Stewardson) is sent to help.

Written and directed by Ronnie Isaacs, there isn’t a germ of talent in this entire movie. The pacing is dreadfully slow. I swear half the running time is spent walking through endless African-looking forests, plains, canyons, or encampments. For the first hour, the only excitement comes whenever a hapless prisoner is sent to run through a minefield or is torn apart by a hungry crocodile. You watch these poor souls in envy because, for them, the movie is over.

The film promises Rambo: First Blood-style carnage and action but you’ll be waiting a long time for that. Meanwhile, you’ve got to sit through embarrassing scenes of our heroes making one bad decision after another. The villain might be a rapist and a child murderer but at least his moves all make sense. Why Jacob and his fellow tribesmen think they can escape from the Colonel in broad daylight when they can easily be spotted and then gunned down, I don’t know. The monotony is too much to handle and what’s worse is that you know the movie is nowhere near the end because Matt is still making his way through who-knows-where while his fellow mercenaries are disturbing graves. In this moment, the energy you have left in your body manages to spring you awake for one last, desperate gasp. Early in the film, we heard about a curse of hell warriors. Now, Matt’s stumbled upon a supposedly mystical cave. Could this slow-as-molasses-going-uphill movie deliver some awful magic zombies? No. There is a prophecy brought up towards the end but it’s the most non-exciting waste of words you’ll ever have the misfortune of hearing. It’s bad enough you have to sit through an attempted gang rape. Now the movie’s dangling a carrot of false hope in front of your eyes? It’s almost infuriating enough to make you want to hunt down Ronnie Isaacs and treat him the same way Col. Dankov treats these poor Africans.

If Warriors from Hell was merely tasteless and dull, it would be one thing, but the writing is dreadful too. In no time at all, Jacob has forgotten all about his dead son and wife. Now, he’s not only crushing on a fellow captive at the slave-labor camp, he's fallen in love with her. They’re not the only couple that forms despite their loved ones’ corpses not even growing cold either.

Characters who were clearly killed in previous scenes show up again later, alive and well. When people do die - for real - their last breaths don’t evoke any sort of emotion. You might laugh at one pathetic attempt at dramatization, but that’s one unintentional chuckle in a film that feels as long as an entire school year. The platform I watched it on interrupted the main event with ads and each break was like a foot massage it was such a relief to see.

It’s hard to imagine anyone - even people who were involved in the creation of this abomination - sitting down and watching it all the way through. Warriors from Hell is an absolute waste of time and anyone who’s seen it, who’s even seen a few minutes of it, will feel their soul shriveling a little bit afterward. (April 1, 2022)

[vuelode-irbis]

StarClan's tool

ID: a digital drawing that features Leafpool (Warrior Cats). She's seen from the above, her face is covered in leaves put in by StarClan cats' paws. Her eyes aren't visible, but her muzzle and ears are. At her paws, there are blue, starry pawprints of StarClan paws, simbolizing a path already traced by these cats. The path ends in a holly leaf, a sycamore maple leaf, already turned yellow, and a jay's feather, simbolising the kits she was bound to give birth to. End ID.

[juniper-clan]

MOON 18: Oh Shit She’s Feeling It (pt. 1)

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[deathflare]

preparations

erenville is definitely an extremely efficient packer with an airtight system… meteor has less than 24 hrs to clean out his inventory and cap his tomes/scrips

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

I love showing Xena episodes to someone new who's never really watched the show and infodumping my many amazing Xena facts upon their increasingly disbelieving ears

[wigglebox]

Suptober - Day 11 | Myth

[mellysanders]

Related to people saying they picture asoiaf as looking like 90's fantasy TV-

I want an asoiaf adaptation that looks like a Roger Corman low-budget, absolute piece of crap 80's sword-and-sorcery movie. That's the aesthetic I think we deserved

I want that Mystery Science Theater 3000-ass look

[size-two-shrimp]

You know whats fucked up? V2 is the one you fight in 1-4 and 4-4, and who you should've fought in 7-4 because they're your rival right? You always fight them and they're the opposite of you. Except they're not. And instead of opening the door in the final layer of greed to see them put back together and ready to brawl again, the Earthmover is there. There's not a single mention of V2. Because V2 was never your opposite, nor were they ever your rival. You don't care about them. Its always been the Earthmover that you wanted to see. That you wanted to fight. Wanted to kill. Before you even knew of it's existence, you knew it was what you were looking for. The Earthmover was always more of your antithesis than V2 (something more akin to a doppelganger) could ever be. This is the only way their story could have ended.

[maesonc-artistic-adventures]

An equal exchange.

[slamrink]

Nothing to see here just steph stealing glances of klay like he’s afraid he’s going to get caught 😃😃 (via namxsj on twitter )

[necroangelz]

impending doom, seek no freedom . . .

don't interfere with the rhythm !!

it was a gift for someone

ASSORTED CHARACTER GRAPHICS!

rambling under the cut + like/rb and creds appreciated!

NOW PLAYING: I'M SANE by AXIE !!

i treated this as practice, it was quite an interesting process to make graphics of characters with like only 1-2 good editable images of them readily accessible online , especially characters i knew NOTHING about

sometimes, when one is editing a character they're not familiar with, and one is too lazy to learn more about them, they might jump to the wrong conclusions about the character . that was me editing ravenpaw i thought he was edgy bcz he's a black cat with raven in his name but i read about him and he seemed quite peaceful so i made 2 edits of him (the "KARMA!" one was when i thought he was edgy and the other one is when i learned who he actually was) so yeah. it was kinda a fun learning experience yk

[doodlestormer]

Sing for me, lute boy

[thewhizzyhead]

I feel like I legit fucking witnessed the definition of a modern media miracle

[subwaylesbians]

very very cool context re: make way for cyrus, from sasha hutchings’s (cowgirl’s) instagram. there’s an incredibly interesting article on step and gumboot dance and their intersections here https://encompass.eku.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?filename=2&article=1000&context=ekuopen&type=additional for anyone interested!

[eikichi-supremacy]

for a guy constantly stuck as the butt of the joke (and in the unrequited love torture chamber) I think he deserves the dub of someone ANYONE confessing to liking him no matter how big the crush or how long ago idgaf it should've happened to the greatest dude ever kuwabara

[clanborn]

Brookclan’s three couriers. As apprentices, Streamsong and Horizonshine realized their knack for running and endurance, and chose to take advantage of these strengths as couriers. The two have grown to be close friends, and are often seen hanging out together. Meanwhile, Creekchill has been a Brookclan courier for countless seasons, after moving from Iceclan in her youth. Cats struggle to remember just how old she is, and many find it remarkable that she continues working in her demanding position. With this generational distance, Creekchill’s serious personality, and their general immaturity, the younger two cats struggle to meaningfully connect with her.