#WUT A BABE

[blasphemous-lies-and-deceit]

Thinking of an au where Michael survives through Gertrude's tenure as Archivist and becomes Jon's assistant, and besides all the shenanigans that would ensue with that, he witnesses Jon's very professional interest in Gerry the Leitner-burning goth, and Michael's sitting there wondering if he should tell Jon he's crushing on his actual boyfriend, or if he should hold onto that information until the most hilarious moment.

[thecleanestrug]

look it matches my hair. but does it match the carpet?

[mainemediapopns4]

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M8JUNOSACE Ws2WZ One isjue£££££2uEeeeeee myhOpe4 jÉÅh r just my hope's peak uwYt pRiSe2 t mOSthIGh!!!!!!!

ALIEN SUPERSTAR — Renaissance World Tour Book

Scanned and edited by me

[infinityinakiss]

okay, so you know that theory that series 14 is a tv show, that's why there are so many fourth wall breaks, etc, etc. well, what if we had a weeping angels episode this season? it's the climax of the episode, ruby and the doctor are surrounded by angels when...nothing happens. they forcibly close their eyes just to check, but the angels aren't moving. the doctor does his signature rambling as he tries to figure out what happened, and then it dawns on him. he turns slowly, stares directly into the camera and says "oh. it's you. all of you. you're why they can't move." the doctor starts jumping around, shakes ruby for a bit (and ruby's just like wut the hell is going on), does a thing with the sonic screwdriver before starting to run when he suddenly stops and turns back. looking directly into the camera, he says "don't blink." and then he runs off to save the day.

couple minutes later, he tells ruby to stare at some angels that were out of frame by saying "babes, the camera angle's changed."

[terrainofheartfelt]

Hot ghost? Hot ghost.

[doromoni]

Off Track Pace | MV1 , ?

Ships Max Verstappen x presenter! Reader , ? x presenter! Reader , Platonic! Charles Leclerc x presenter! Reader

Genre : Fluff , Angst

Sub tags : mutual pinning , She fell too early , He fell too late,

Summary : A new f1 presenter and journalist has entered the paddock and she brings chaos along the way. And as competition looms , will the current Champion be as fast outside the track?

Face claim: Sofia Wylie

A/N : I’m so sorry luvs! I’m working on updating Clash of Champions , i promise ~ it’s my uni’s finals exams so I gotta focus on that first… so here’s a peace offering.

Part 2.

Media day, usually on a Thursday — a day that most Formula 1 drivers dread. A day where cameras followed their every move, interviews with journalists that twisted their every word and silly PR stunts forced on them by their teams. It used to be just all racing and winning podiums, but modern Formula 1 is all about media politics and sponsorships.

If you were to ask any driver on the grid if they were given the chance not to do PR, they would say yes to skipping it. But not everything about media day is horrendous.

Not when a new motorsports journalist joins the paddock that was an absolute sweetheart and delight to have around. A natural on the job — she always made sure that every driver that she interviewed was comfortable and enjoying their time with her and the segment.

the.Y/N

liked by skysportsf1 , lissiemackintosh, f1 , and 689,270 others

the.Y/N first day on the job? . i’m not nervous, you are! (She said literally shaking)

skysportsf1 Welcome to the team Y/N! ❤️

the.Y/N thank you kind employers. 🤍

lissiemackintosh Babe!! It’s finally official. Congratulations!

the.Y/N Thanks to you Babe!! I swear I would’ve been lost without you 😭

User1 who is she?

the.Y/N literally no one

User2 Ohhhh a new commentator? 🤔

User3 maybe she’s a journalist?

scuderriaferrari the kids had fun. They want their clay statues on display!

User2 Clay statues?? Hello?? Wut?

User3 Same question, Clay statues??

the.Y/N wait and see 🤷‍♀️ , the interview would drop tomorrow? Maybe~

User4 Its her first day and she literally had an interview with Charles and Carlos in Ferrari???

the.Y/N well no , the first interview was with Lewis Hamilton … so. 🤭

User5 WHAT?? Ok , queen slay!

User4 damnn , imagine being new to your field and already interviewing the big guys.

mclaren Do us next please 🙋‍♂️

redbullracing get in line!

the.Y/N gotta stop by Aston first , sorry besties.

User6 OK WHAT IS HAPPENING, ms. Y/N who are your connections 😭 i want in.

User7 why are all the teams here??

Y/N L/N was the F1 presenter and journalist who put drivers willingly out of their comfort zones and made them try something new. You genuinely loved what you do and you were passionate about it. You never showed partiality among the drivers, you treated everyone with the same attitude — this earned the respect of all drivers on the grid.

You were quickly becoming a paddock favorite. The fans enjoyed the content you put out and the drivers looked forward to your interview when they saw your name on their schedule.

Interviewing with you usually meant cheat meals and unusual activities that you thought they would like.

the.Y/N

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1, and 740,155 others

the.Y/N maybe bowling isn’t the best idea. @charles_leclerc you suck, ngl. New vid out on Monday at the sky sports channel🤍

charles_leclerc i hate you ❤️

the.Y/N no you don’t 😌

charles_leclerc no, i don’t

User1 I love their dynamic so much!! I need more of the Paddock siblings pleaseee

User2 I can’t wait for more of Y/N bullying Charles into weird things and Ferrari doing nothing about it🤣

landonorris but why is charles in a cowboy costume?

the.Y/N i dunno? He just showed up in that 🤷‍♀️

charles_leclerc You told me we were riding horses and you wanted me to wear smth cowboy!!

the.Y/N oh yeah! Lmao

landonorris should i feel bad?

the.Y/N Nope. He’s happy either way. Aren’t you @charles_leclerc?

User2 NOT THE LMAO . Y/N thank you being you

User3 Y/N giving us Cowboy Charles , yes ma’am

User3 JUST DATE ALREADY!

the.Y/N EW. No

charles_leclerc Ok , the ew was unnecessary. But same. No thanks :)) i’m not dating my sister .

User4 Charles call y/n his sister 🥺

However, No matter how much you tried to keep things professional by being just a driver: journalist, something your boss commented during a quick meeting because fans kept shipping you with every driver. What you found weird is that most drivers you see as older brothers and some even uncles (don’t tell Nando). Plus most of them had girlfriends!

Nevertheless, your relationship with them seems to always end up with them hanging around your office at Sky, whenever they are free. Even the older drivers like Nando, Lewis and even Nico and Kevin use your office as an escape from the chaos of their motorhomes.

You didn’t mind hosting the older drivers in your room, as they were usually tame and kept to themselves as they read the books on your shelves in peace. They usually plop themselves down your couch and place the oversized plush you always bring on their lap. They always brought you snacks, so you looked forward to the times when their heads popped in your door and asked if they could come in.

But when the younger drivers visit your office? And if they came in groups — which they usually do. Oh boy, it was either a clusterfuck of them stealing snacks from your secret stash or your office becoming a den for hot gossip in the paddock usually led by the one and only Charles Leclerc.

Case in point. You now have Charles, Carlos, Max and to your surprise Checo in your office. The older Spanish-speaking driver was a rare visitor, but a welcome one nonetheless.

But considering the topic in discussion, you understood the presence of the two Red Bull drivers.

You were in the middle of typing away on your laptop when suddenly they barged in with ice cream tubs and spoons at hand then found a spot to sit and made themselves comfortable.

“Is Newey leaving Red Bull?” Charles asked Max and Checo, as he scooped a bite from his ice cream.

“We have no clue! Christian is saying nothing to us. Nothing” Max exclaimed exasperated as Checo nodded in agreement.

“So Adrian Newey is moving to Ferrari?” You questioned as you pointed your spoon at Charles

“Y/N, I love you like a sister and I know that you’re incredibly smart, but sometimes you are stupid. We’re clueless in Ferrari, hence my question ”

You threw your wooden spoon at the Monaco-born Ferrari driver. Which he easily avoided thanks to his fast reflexes. Freaking f1 reflexes!

“ I wasn't the person who got named for being stupid— HEY! Max give that back!! You don't even like salted caramel” You were trying to rebut Charles’ insult but were distracted when Max took your ice cream for himself.

Max just shrugged and placed his half-consumed chocolate brownie fudge ice cream in your hands — his spoon still in it. You didn’t complain further as you took his spoon and took a bite yourself. Yum! Brownie fudge is your favorite.

“Dude, what is even going on inside Red Bull? What was Horner under investigation for?” Carlos pressed on, trying to find answers. You were curious yourself

“Everyone is being weird. They’re keeping things from us. “ Checo added. You knew that they were truly left in the dark because if they knew they would’ve spilled instantly. NDAs be damned.

“Every interview, people keep asking if we know something! one more journalist and I swear I’ll run them over with my car! I hate each one of them” Max grumbled to himself.

You coughed. You knew that you were an exception but you couldn’t help but mess around with your friends.

“Don’t even, Y/N. You know you don’t count. “ Max waved you off.

“Wow! Thank you for that babe. Way to make a girl feel special” you said jokingly to the Dutch driver, as you winked dramatically. To which he only rolled his eyes — making you and the rest of the drivers laugh.

Max was immune to your flirting, unfortunately. It sucked especially when you had a tiny …. Ok big … HUGE crush on the 3 time world champion.

Max to you was like an Older brother’s best friend — Where you were the little sister crushing on him and you didn’t have a chance. You knew that like the other drivers, he just saw you as a little sister. But still you couldn’t help but fall the star driver of Red Bull.

Everything started when you brought your niece to the paddock because your sister had an emergency. You were scheduled to interview Checo in the RB motorhome and your niece was starting to feel fussy and you were slightly panicking on what to do— when Max suddenly came to your rescue and took your niece out to ice cream.

You admit you found Max attractive even before— like so damn attractive, but that was it— nothing more. But when you found Max carrying your niece in his arms as they played inside his garage, you knew that you were a goner to the charms of Max Verstappen.

You have been pinning for Max for a year now. You wished that you had the confidence and courage to just confess. But the fear of rejection freighted you, so you settled to just keep your friendship with the devastatingly handsome Red Bull champion.

As time went on, and nothing but friendship between you and Max developed — You’ve come to terms with the process of letting go of your feelings. Even when you’ve already met his mom and sister, hung out in his yacht and spent nights over his place when movie nights with Charles and his girlfriend went too late. You knew not to think anything of it.

And you were right to think nothing of it. Because not a week later, rumors had spread all over the paddock that Kelly Piquet had set her eyes on Max. You didn’t believe it at first, but when you saw with your own two eyes them engaged talking happily in his garage. The sparkle in Max’s eyes had solidified your will to move on.

A few weeks had passed and Kelly’s presence was constant in the paddock. Everyone had speculated that she had become Max’s girlfriend. But no one was sure, not even you — Max had been silent about it.

You tried to be happy for them you did. But you can’t blame yourself for wishing that it was you instead. Even to this day, you are still trying to forget and bury your feelings for Max.

“Y/N? Y/N? Oi Y/N” You suddenly were startled out of your thoughts. You forgot that you were still with the drivers in your office.

“What? Sorry, I just remembered something. What did you say?” You asked Charles as he was the one who called you.

“I asked if you had an interview today” Upon hearing the words of the Monegasque, your eyes grew wide as you remembered that you did have a job to do and you were indeed almost late.

“SHIT! I DO I’m late! “ You suddenly sprang up from your seat and quickly gathered the things you needed — while the 4 drivers looked at you with amusement.

“Who’s scheduled for you today, Y/N?” Max had also sat up from his seat and gave you an opened bottle of water.

You received the bottle from Max. You didn’t have to thank the driver — just one look from you and he knew.

The other drivers looked amongst themselves as they saw your exchange with Max. Everyone had a knowing look on their faces.

“I'm going to Mclaren today! I have the whole day with Lando. “ You said as you closed your once abandoned laptop and placed it in your bag — the one Max gave you on your birthday.

“What have you planned for Lando, Y/N?” Checo asked curiously. He still remembered his interview where you both made bracelets and stuffed toys for his daughters — his daughters loved it and went to sleep with it every single day.

“Oh! I’m taking Lando to a rage room, then drive-thru for food.” You explained happily to the older Mexican driver.

“Which part of that is the interview?” Charles had interjected

“While we eat the food in the parking lot, duh,” You said as if they should’ve already known. Well, they should by now.

“You know Y/N, Lando likes you right? ” Carlos had suddenly dropped a bomb on you. You didn’t expect it at all.

“What?” Max had suddenly said — catching all of you off guard. You didn’t understand, why Max had reacted so suddenly. But you pushed that aside for now as you continued to stuff everything you need in the bag

“What do you mean, Lando likes me?” You asked Carlos, with your eyebrows scrunched together.

“He likes you. Like you know? Take you out on dates and all that” Carlos replied as he gauged your reaction.

“Ohhhh, that’s cute! how did you even know about it, Carlos” you asked not taking any of it seriously.

“Cute?” You heard Max muttered under his breath.

“He told me. I won’t spoil anything else. I’m not even supposed to say that he likes you, but oh well.” Carlos shrugged as he finished off his ice cream.

“What do you think about Lando?” Charles suddenly asked you. The Ferrari driver leaned forward

“Will you date him if he asks you ?” Checo then joined the conversation.

“ You should say yes, I mean you two are the same-“ Charles had suddenly grown excited.

“Ok whoa, calm down dads. He hasn’t asked anything yet! “ you exclaimed

“But will you say yes if he asked?” Max then asked you, his eyes piercing your soul. After all of the other questions, Max was the one to Catch you off guard.

“Uh yes, I guess? I mean, why not? Lando is fun And he is single right … ” You were panicking so you said yes, even when you knew that you weren’t ready for anything like that since you still held feelings for Max.

“ YES! I thought that you-“ Charles wasn't able to finish his sentence when you cut him off.

“OK, bye guys! See you later. I need to go!” And just like that you were gone, leaving the four drivers in your office — not letting them question you further.

“I swear, that kid is weird.” Charles shakes his head from side to side at your actions.

“Lando likes Y/N?” Max had asked again just to make sure that he had heard the Spaniard correctly.

“ Lando is a good kid. They’ll make a good couple, no?” Checo asked no one in particular, as Max was not moving from where you left him.

“Wait, wait… since when did Lando like Y/N?” Max asked confused, looking green with jealousy. Fingers tingling as they clenched on itself

“Well he was interested in Y/N since the beginning but he backed off since everyone thought that you two had a thing” Carlos explained as he stood up and went to raid your snack stash.

“Yeah, but now you’re with the daughter of Piquet. what’s her name again? KELLY! yes, kelly. So Lando is taking his shot” Charles added

“You knew? Charles, you knew about Lando?” Max was aghast at the knowledge that was just receiving now.

“Well yeah? I was the one to encourage him to ask Y/N out. ” Charles shrugged nonchalantly. He knew about your feelings for the Red Bull driver, but he also saw how hurt you were when Max started seeing Kelly out of nowhere. Charles wanted to help his friends — specially the ones that he grew to love like his own sibling in any way that he could. Plus it was time for Y/N to have fun, and Lando Norris is exactly that.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” Max was conflicted. His emotions growing uncontrollably by the second.

“ Mate, we haven’t seen you for how many weeks! You were always out with your new girlfriend. Even Y/N had no contact with you “ Carlos explained to Max.

silence filled the room, when suddenly pings of notifications sounded all over the rooms.

And Charles couldn’t help but whistle.

“Well he sure does move past” he had added.

Your story

As Max looked at his phone. Your Ig story flashed. His heart had started to hurt and the feeling of a pit in his stomach grew. it was as if someone punched him right in the gut.

And another notification ping had popped . And it only made Max’s stomach churn even further.

landonorris

[taones]

.

[emotionalsupport-ljh]

Breaking and Entering

You don't want Jihoon to worry.

Fluff (a miniscule amount of angst) - woozi x fem!reader

A hell of a lot of words for a sick fic :D Described as "princess treatment" by my friends 😌

AO3 link

Word Count: 3.1k

////////////////////////////////////

Before you even open your eyes, you feel a scratch in your throat that burns like hell. You reach for the water on your nightstand and take large gulps trying to soothe the pain. As your eyes open, they droop heavily and take a moment to adjust to the early morning sunlight that makes its way past your curtains. A chill suddenly attacks the uncovered parts of your body. You duck back under your comforter only to have an oppressive heat come in waves that cause sweat to cling to your forehead. On top of all that, you can’t breathe out of your left nostril. You’re terribly sick.

As you lament in your miserable state, a notification brightens your phone and you have to shut your eyes. You blink them trying to get used to the light, but all it does is give you a headache. You brave through the pain to turn your brightness down and check the notification. It’s a text from your boyfriend, Jihoon.

Jiji: good morning babe~ 😘

You: Good morning!

Jiji: what are ur plans for today? work?

You: No

You pause for a moment before continuing your response. You wonder if it’s a good idea to tell him that you aren’t feeling well today. On one hand, he might want to know that kind of stuff so that he can take care of you. On the other hand, it could cause some unnecessary stress in his already stressful life. Also, with his busy schedule, he probably wouldn’t be able to do much. You decide ultimately that this illness would probably be over quickly, and you don’t want to make Jihoon worry about nothing a little cough medicine and tea would fix.

You: I'm going to take the day off to relax and be lazy lol 😏

Jiji: that sounds nice

i wish i could do the same 😮‍💨

You: Busy schedule today?

Jiji: yup 🙃 but im excited for our date later this week

You: Me too!

Jiji: i have to go to work

text me later

You: Will do! I love you 🩷

Jiji: love u too~🖤

Putting your phone down and taking the chance to move from your bed to at least retrieve some relief in the form of medicine or warm tea, you feel your muscles ache in a way that makes you never want to move again. For now, you stare at the ceiling with the resolve to get over this silly little cold. You fall asleep soon after and stay asleep for many, many hours.

When you finally awaken again, the chill in your bones still hasn't subsided, no matter how many layers of sheet and blanket cover you. You have to force your eyes to open against the deeper sunlight now pouring through the cracks in your curtains. You power through the discomfort to get them to adjust to the brightness. Again, you reach a hand out for your phone and see that it is afternoon and that you have some missed texts from your boyfriend.

Jiji: hey~

wuts up

Jiji: taking an afternoon nap huh

text me when u see this

The messages were all sent about 45 minutes ago. You feel a little bad about lying, but it only strengthens your resolve to get better and put the whole lie behind you. You text back like normal, hoping that he has the time to read and respond even for just a few minutes.

You: Sorry! I fell asleep watching anime

It doesn’t take too long for a reply to pop-up. You had been dating Jihoon for months now, but you still got butterflies every time he texted you. Even now, aching all over and dripping from your face, he makes you feel a warmth you swore would make you even healthier than you were before.

Jiji: oh rub it in my face 🙄 lol

dont get too far without me

You: I would never!! 😫

How’s it been today? You're not too stressed, right?

Jiji: eh

im coping lol

nothing im not used to

You: Don’t push yourself too hard ok? 🥺

You're doing such a great job!!!!!!

Jiji: thx lol

i gotta go. love u~ 🖤

You: I love you too 🩷

You decide to try to come up with the ultimate healing game plan for the rest of the day. You plot out your meals and activities to maximize the time you can spend getting better. Or at least you try to as you come to realize that sleeping an extra 4 and a half hours without getting out of bed means that you’ve yet to relieve yourself. This kickstarts your game plan as you rush to the bathroom.

You power through the aches in your body to finally brush your teeth and put your hair in a manageable bun for the day. You put on your sweats and some socks to keep warm and make your way to the kitchen where you heat up some soup and make a mug of herbal tea. You take medicine and take it easy all day. The change in scenery from your bedroom to the living room not only motivates your mind to change, but also it motivates your body to move. You swear you already feel better.

Unfortunately, the next two days look the same, and you do not, in fact, feel any better. Even with minimal movement throughout the days, you still manage to leave a mess of dirty dishes, clothes, and tissues strewn about the apartment. You are miserable and finally starting to come to terms with it. The delusion of your ability to heal quickly and on your own was finally starting to dissipate. You thought seeing a doctor was a waste of time, but you start to see the necessity of an appointment the more time you spend with a scratch in your throat and a headache hammering your skull.

The worst part, however, is not the pain, nor is it the constant sweating or the need to breathe through your mouth. No, the worst part is that today is Jihoon’s one day off; you are supposed to be ready to go on a date.

It's a little late in the morning when you wake up. You thrash in your bed frustrated that you are still sick and very tired. When you check your phone, there are no new messages. It isn't unusual for Jihoon to sleep in on his days off. You dread having to tell him the truth that you had been sick all week and couldn’t go out tonight. You could anticipate his response: a string of crying emojis and then a laugh where he says he’s just kidding and he’s fine as long as you get better. He wouldn’t really be okay with it, but he would say he is. He would be really disappointed; he isn’t very good at showing his true emotions, but you know he feels them so deeply. You don’t want to cause him any undue stress or heartbreak. At this point, it unfortunately is inevitable.

You grab your phone and hover over Jihoon’s contact, trying to muster the courage to send your good-morning-text and your confession followed by a long apology and promises to make it all up to him one day. You don’t expect your phone to ring, brandishing a very familiar sweet smiling selfie with the name “Jiji” underneath. You are startled then you take a deep breath, clear your throat, and answer.

“Good morning, my baby,” a sleep-rasped voice calls out from the other side.

“Good morning,” you try to answer in a normal voice, doing your best to hide your congestion.

“You sound different. What’s up?” Jihoon caught on immediately.

You whine a little over the phone, only prolonging the inevitable. There’s only silence from the other side. “I’m sick,” you say, then blurt out, “I’ve been sick for the past three days. I really, really tried to get better, honestly. I’m so sorry, Jiji. I can’t go out tonight.”

Your heart beats quickly in your chest, maybe from the nerves of finally coming clean, maybe from the extra exertion on your sick body. The five seconds it takes for Jihoon to respond feel like five hours. All he says is, “Oh. Okay.” After that, he hangs up the phone, leaving you stunned and with a horrible pit in your stomach.

You’re in shock. The kind of shock people feel after breaking a limb or recovering from a disaster. It pushes every other feeling out of your body. You do your morning routine in a fugue state. When you sit back in your bed, it all hits you at once. Tears stream down your face almost unconsciously, and you lay down with your face in your pillow. Eventually, you fall asleep again, too tired from the illness to continue to cry or feel anything.

Jihoon makes up his mind quickly. After abruptly hanging up the phone, he immediately gets up and goes through his own routine faster than ever, even taking 30 minutes off of his normal workout just to have more time for his own plan. After coming home, he does something a little out of character. He goes to the kitchen to cook something that isn’t chicken breast and white rice.

This surprises his roommates. Soonyoung tries to help him with the big pot of what was so far just stock and vegetables. He gets distracted easily, and it takes him a long time to cut up an onion. Jeonghan takes a picture of Jihoon and sends it in the group chat asking if this is normal behavior for Woozis. Seungkwan tries to taste it before the dish is ready and whines when his hand is met with a smack from a wooden spoon.

“This isn’t for any of you. Leave it alone,” Jihoon says in a stern voice.

“Wait, what? Then who is it for?” Soonyoung raises an eyebrow at him.

“Y/N, my girlfriend. She’s sick.”

The mood in the apartment changes. Now, Jeonghan is texting more furiously in the group chat about how Jihoon cares so much about his poor, sick girlfriend. Seungkwan now insists on tasting the dish the whole way through the cooking process to make sure it’s suitable for such refined tastes as his and yours. Soonyoung calls his mom and asks what the best thing is to cure illnesses. It becomes a whole big thing that has Jihoon a little bit annoyed but also grateful his friends care about you almost as much as he cares about you.

Jihoon’s morning and the better part of his afternoon off of work are then filled with surprise visits from Mingyu, Jun, and Seokmin who bring an array of dishes that could feed you for a month and Minghao who brings a special tea blend that he uses when he's feeling sick. Vernon sends a playlist of chill music for you to listen to while you recover, and Wonwoo writes a list of movies he recommends you watch to rest. Chan makes a special delivery of his grandma's famous kimchi, which has the rest of the boys groaning that they don't get any this time. Joshua sends the best essential oil wax melts so you can indulge in some aromatherapy. Finally, Seungcheol makes sure that Jihoon tells you that he can send anything in the world to your house using his card whether it be medicine or a treat from your favorite bakery or even a new designer pajama set to make sure you are at maximum comfort levels.

As he makes his way over to your apartment, Jihoon feels silly carrying a bunch of bags filled with various gifts from everyone on top of the soup he made that seems to pale in comparison. He curses Jeonghan under his breath for telling everyone his plan to bring you supplies, effectively making him the delivery boy because he is the only person who has the passcode to your apartment. He tries to call you on his way over, now adding his phone to the pile he was juggling. It rings a few times and then goes to voicemail. He tries again and meets the same outcome. He assumes that you’re resting; being sick for multiple days sounds exhausting which is why he is so willing to bring over everything he (and the others) could possibly think of to make you feel better.

Jihoon reaches your front door and knocks loud enough that you would be able to hear it from your room, but soft enough that you wouldn’t wake up if you were resting. He waits a beat before just typing the code and letting himself inside. He makes his way to the kitchen and sets down the various bags on the countertops. Only once his arms are empty does he realize the state of the apartment. He slowly takes in the dirty dishes and various random stuff left on the floor. The trashcan is full, and tea bags litter the countertops. There are tissue boxes everywhere, each one full of used tissues.

He walks slowly to your room and, opening the door, he almost couldn’t make out your sleeping shape on the bed. You’re curled up into a ball under many layers of blankets on one side, and on the other was a pile of clothing. There’s more clothing on the floor. Jihoon goes back to the kitchen and takes a deep breath. He meticulously puts all the food everyone prepared into the fridge, rolls up his sleeves, and decides to start there. He makes a list in his head of all the things he could realistically do in the few hours you would be asleep.

The next moment, Jihoon is elbow deep in soapy water scrubbing dishes and wiping countertops. He finds all the cleaning instruments and proceeds to sweep and vacuum. He fills a trash bag with tissues, tissue boxes, and food containers. He gently tiptoes around your room, gathering up the clothes from the floor, which he assumes are dirty, and putting them in the wash. The clothes on the bed, which he checks are clean, are now folded and put in a hamper for later sorting. He even has time to reheat his soup and make a pretty plating of it paired with some rice and a cup of some of Minghao’s herbal tea.

You awaken when you hear dishes clanking in the kitchen. Someone is in your home. You freeze until the noise stops and begin to get up from your bed. With your legs swung over the side of the bed, ready to stand and possibly defend yourself, the door opens slowly and in walks Jihoon with a tray of dishes.

He looks surprised, then flashes a big smile, then says, “Good, you’re awake. It’s time to eat.”

All you can do is stare at him in disbelief as he sets a tray of soup and rice and tea on your lap. He sits cross-legged in the empty space beside you and scrolls through his phone as if it's the most normal thing in the world.

“W…what’s all this?” you stutter out, utterly confused.

“Lunch,” Jihoon answers nonchalantly.

Looking at him beside you, you realize that there is indeed empty space on your bed for him to sit where there was once a pile of clothes. Tears appear behind your eyes when you look around at the spotless floor of your bedroom. You look at your boyfriend as one tear falls.

“Did you…”

“Yeah, it was a real mess in here.” He turns to look at you and uses his thumb to wipe the one tear from your cheek. “Start eating. I bet you haven’t eaten all day. How are you supposed to get better if you don’t eat?”

He was right. You take a spoonful of broth and bring it to your lips. It tastes wonderful. Alternating between tea and soup and rice, you feel fuller, and the heat from the meal eases your throat just a little more. Jihoon looks at you and sees how happy you look to be having a meal that wasn’t microwaved from a package. You are already almost done with the meal after only a few minutes.

“See, you were hungry, huh?” He teasingly shakes his head.

You lightly push your boyfriend's arm. You make a face, suddenly feeling awkward to be around him. “I thought you were mad at me.”

“What? Why? Because you lied to me for days and didn’t let me take care of you? Or because you canceled our date on the day of because you assumed I cared that we went out somewhere?” he starts sarcastically, “I actually hadn’t thought about it all day.”

“I’m serious, Jiji!” you try to whine but end in a cough. He’s laughing at you as you get a little frustrated.

“I’m seriously not mad. I wish you would’ve told me, but being mad won’t fix anything.” His smile is soft, and he’s looking at you with love in his eyes.

“I’m really sorry. I just didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t know it would last this long. Honestly, I don’t know what I have, and you probably shouldn't be sitting so close to me right now.” You weakly try to push Jihoon away, but he sits like a rock, not budging at all.

“I’m fine,” he chuckles, “The plague couldn’t even keep me away from you.” He leans to kiss your forehead.

All your muscles relax as the last few bites on your plate disappear. Jihoon takes the empty tray in one hand and uses the other to guide you to your feet with him. He wordlessly walks you both out of the room. You see that not only is the entire apartment clean, but there are small gifts left out on the coffee table.

“What is all this?” you ask your boyfriend as take a seat on the couch, waiting for him to put the empty plates and bowls from the tray in the sink.

He takes a seat next to you and rubs the back of his neck with one hand and avoids eye contact when he answers, “The guys heard you weren’t feeling great, so, of course, they had to help out, too.” He goes through and shows you the wax melts, medicine, and self-care products. He also tells you about your new stock of homemade meals from the best cooks in the group. You get really excited about the kimchi from Chan’s grandma. He sends you Vernon’s playlist and Wonwoo’s recommendations. He even shows you the text Seungcheol sent him about using his card for whatever you might need.

Everything is perfect for the rest of the evening that was supposed to be a fancy, romantic date night. It turns out that watching movies and listening to music while snuggling and talking is the best medicine for illness and the most romantic date you have ever been on.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ditching my boyfriend in a shady area? (even though he ditched me first and i was scared?)

pretty much what it says on the tin. personally i think i am absolutely not the asshole but we’ll see i guess.

we were on a road trip through the states when the car started making a weird sound, so he pulled over.

(keep in mind, it’s dark and we’re in the middle of fucking nowhere)

the exact problems with the engine aren’t relevant, but he said it wasn’t working properly and there was steam coming out of the engine, so i say call AAA.

he says “no, they’ll take too long.”

i say “so what do you think we should do then???”

he. fucking. says. “i’ll stand on the side of the road and see if someone’s willing to help us.”

at this point i’m starting to freak out like NO no no there’s been so many reports of crime here we are not about to ACTIVELY ENCOURAGE creeps to come get us.

i say “i’m not doing that” but apparently that was the wrong thing to say because he’s all like “don’t worry i will :) stay with the car and make sure it’s safe :) love you babe :)” god

now i’m like this is straight out of a fucking horror movie right. i am scared out of my goddamn mind. he gets out of the car and i am left ALONE just trying to avoid looking out the windows into the darkness.

he opens the door again and i get the fright of my life but he just says “i’m gonna go with someone to get fuel. stay here and lock the doors :)” like WHAT THE FUCK please please don’t do this you cannot leave me alone but hes already shut the door and i’m not going outside so i lock it like he says.

he’s gone for TWO FUCKING HOURS and i was scared out of my goddamn mind. there were creepy sounds the Whole Time and every little thing was petrifying and headlights kept passing by and it was horrible.

anyway eventually i get out and check and man door hand hook car door

What are these acronyms?

[lis-likes-fics]

w1sh u were here

Pairings: Hobie Brown x Reader Word Count: 809 words Kink: Sexting Warnings: NSFW, sexting, sending nudes, technically pornography?, swearing, dirty texting... A/N: I lied, I am posting today bc I managed to pull something out of my ass. I hope you enjoyed this short fic bc the hardest thing about this was making all of Hobie's texts. I am a firm believer in Hobie being a terrible texter bc he doesn't commit to one style, and I hate him for it. Enjoy this fluffy smut. <3

hobes: I can’t stop thinking about you, luv.

you: oh yeah? what are you thinking about?

hobes: jus wonderin wut ur wearin 😘

you: your hoodie

hobes: and?

you: nothing.

You sent an image.

hobes: fuck… hobes: You look fuckin amazing in my clothes babe

you: thx bby

hobes: you’d look even better without em tho. Just sayin

you: you tryna get me to send nudes, perv?

hobes: Maybe…😉 hobie: w1sh u were here rn

you: me too

you: what would you do if i was?

hobes: i’d kiss you. a lot. i’d never stop kissing you luv hobes: And, after that, I’d play with your nipples and listen to you start to moan. I’d be so hard for you, sweetheart…

you: yeah?

hobes: yea. id suck on ur tits and feel how wet u were for me.

you: how would you touch me?

hobes: Id put my fingers in your tight pussy, feel you up nice and good, rub at your little clit. hobes: You’d be fucking soaking, I know it. I’d eat you up, darling. hobes: tell me wut u want me to do to u luv

you: everything you said. want you to kiss me, want you to touch me, want your tongue on my tits and your fingers in me.

hobes: want me to eat you up?

you: yes

hobes: I’d make you feel so good. You’d be moaning so loud for me.

you: i wanna ride your face, hobie

hobes: i want you to ride my face

you: guess what?

hobes: wut?

you: i’m touching myself.

hobes: fuck. for me?

you: all for you.

You sent a video. “Fuck, Hobie. Wish you were here…”

hobes: chr1st u sound so pretty when u rub ur cl1t l1ke that

hobes sent a video. “I need your pretty little pussy over here, sweetheart. See what you do to me?”

you: fuck, you’re so hard you: you know what i wanna do?

hobes: Tell me.

you: wanna get on my knees and suck you off.

hobes: yeah?

you: yeah. i wanna feel your hands in my hair when i suck your cock. want you to call me your good girl.

hobes: u r my good girl, babes. ur my best fukn girl.

you: fuck, i’m so wet for you, hobie. wish you were here to touch me. my fingers don’t work as well as yours do…

hobes: Can’t get em far enough? You need my fingers to stretch you out nice and wide?

you: yeah. you: want you to pin me to a wall and fuck me

hobes: fuck youd love that wouldnt you? hobes: I’d pin your hands above your head and kiss you, turn you around and hold onto your beautiful fucking hips. You’d be squirming when I put my cock in you. hobes: Youd be beggin me to fuck you darling and youd be moanin like fuckin crazy for me, Id hold your tits and keep you still while I fucked you from behind and you would scream when you came on my cock. Id just keep fuckin you too hobes: still with me luv?

you: hard to type with one hand

hobes: gonna fucken take you to bed and put your legs on my shoulders. fold you in half while i fucked you babes. you’d be all messy for me.

you: i’m messy for you right now

You sent an image. “Mmm. Ah, I need you, baby. Fuck, m-yeah…”

you: this pussy’s missing you, baby

hobes: this dick’s missing you hobes: I’m gonna cum, sweetheart.

you: me too you: hobie i’m so close.

hobes: will you send me another pic baby?

You sent a video. “Hobie! Hobie, I’m cumming!  Fuck, I miss you so much. Ahhh, fuck!”

hobes sent a video. “Fuck. Mm-mmh, fuck. Yeah. Oh, fuck, yeah! Oh, sweetheart.” hobes sent an image.

you: fuck, hobie

hobes sent a voice message. “I love you, sweetheart. Wish you were here so I could show you how much. You make me so happy and you get me so hard, and I can’t wait to see you soon so I can kiss that pretty face you’ve got. Love you so much, darling.”

You sent a voice message. “I love you, too, baby. I can’t wait to see you either because, when I do, I’m kissing you so hard, you’ll pass out.” You sent a voice message. “Get some sleep… I know you have to  go to 928 tomorrow, and you’ll come see me after. I’ll be waiting for me. I love you.”

hobes: i luv u 2 bby

you: your typing is atrocious.

hobes: Thank you.

you: goodnight, bayb

hobes: “bayb”

you: shut the fuck up.

hobes: make me 😍

you: you make me sick.

hobes: I love you, too. Night.

you: night. go to sleep now.

hobes: no <3

You changed “hobes” to “hobo”.

hobo: :(

Tag yourself here...

[darlingsfandom]

hey, hope you're feeling better now xx

so my request since they've started filming peaky blinders movie, Cillian was struggling to get back into Tommy's shoes so he needed his girlfriend/wife help to get into Tommy's character if you know what I mean 🤭🙈🙈

And thanks million x

Hi! Well my monthly is almost over so we’re getting there !!

I got you.

TW: swearing, p in v, oral(male) , slight breeding kink, roleplay and obviously not proofread.

“Why so glum love?” You asked Cillian as he sat there dressed as Tommy.

“I don’t know if tis was a good idea love.” He held the script in his hands before tossing it onto the table in front of him with a huff.

You walked up behind him and placed your hands on his shoulders. Your fingers squeezed softly on the tense muscles before giving him a straight up shoulder massage.

“Baby, you’re going to do just fine! No one else could ever be Tommy! They don’t have the skills, the charm or the sexiness …” your lips turned into a smirk as he watched you through the mirror.

“Ya think I’m sexy ?” He teased you.

“Mmhmm the sexiest man alive.” You pushed down on his shoulders hitting a knot that made him let out a groan. With his mouth hanging open you leaned in and kissed his cheek making his cheeks turn red. “And no one can change my mind about it.” You walked around his chair to stand in front of him. “Now I know what might help you get out of that mindset!”

“And wut is dat?” Cillian ran his hands over the suit as you perched yourself on the edge of the vanity.

“Roleplay! It’s simple … obviously you’re Tommy ! The sexy gangster who loves his family and would kill anyone who looks at them wrong or try to hurt them, but is also slightly addicted to sex…”

“Hey! Tommy was never a sex addict …”

“I like to think otherwise babe.” You crossed your hands over your chest. Cillian ran his hand over his face before leaning back in his chair.

“So I’m Tommy and that makes you?”

“Your naughty little neighbor who needs to be fucked so bad because her husband sucks in bed..”

“HEY!”

“Not you!” You rolled your eyes playfully before jumping off the vanity and walking to the door. Cillian couldn’t believe he was about to do this but whatever it takes him to get back into the mindset so he could be Tommy again.

On the other side of the door you fixed yourself a little bit before knocking on the door.

“Come in.”

You stepped carefully into the room with a shy smile. “Good afternoon Mr.Shelby.”

“Afternoon Miss Y/N” Cillian stood up and walked closer to you. “How may I help you today?”

“Oh nothing really, just stopping by to say hi. I’m also waiting for Polly. She said she had something to give me to help with a situation I have.”

“Hmm well Polly is out right now but maybe I could help?” He raised an eyebrow as you stood there playing with your fingers .

“I.. I don’t think so.” Your cheeks turned pink until you realized how close he was to you. You swallowed the lump in throat watching as he brought his hand to your cheek to cradle it gently.

“Is it about your husband?” Your eyes went wide.

“Thin walls love! Plus he’s been hanging around the pub watching some of the other ladies crawling around in there.” His hand squeezed your jaw lightly to make you look at him. “A lady as beautiful as you doesn’t deserve a man like that, that’s not even a man, that’s a boy!” He gritted his teeth and you could see a shift happening. Cillian had became Tommy .

“And what would you do about that ?” Your voice was soft and tiny.

“First, I’m going to fuck you like ya deserve then since he’s cheating in my pub… maybe his next trip will be his last .” His lips became a wicked smirk as he ran his hand down the side of your neck. Goosebumps covered your skin as he took your hand , walked you to the couch and sat you down. You looked up at him with innocent eyes as he undid his belt letting his pants pool around his ankles.

“Mr. Shelby!” You gasped seeing his cock spring free when he pulled down his boxers.

“Don’t worry love, you’ll be okay.” He was cocky for sure , this was Thomas Shelby for crying out loud. He took your hand and placed it on his throbbing cock. You slowly jerked his cock while maintaining eye contact. “That’s a good girl.” He lit up a cigarette and took a hit before he gasped when your mouth wrapped around the head. “Fuck! A really good girl yeah!” His hand landed on your head before grabbing a fistful of your hair and guiding your mouth along his cock. “Such a good little cock sucker.” He took another hit while you gagged on his cock.

Wetness pooled between your legs as you sucked him off. You got down on your knees to take him better down your throat but what surprised him was the fact you pulled off, used the string off spit connecting his cock to your lips to rub it down his shaft and wrap your lips on his balls.

“Oh my ! What a dirty girl. Sucking your neighbors balls just for the hell of it! Your husband’s a moron.” He looked down at you sucking on his balls while you jerked off his cock. It was exciting to the both of you. “Fuck! If you keep doing that I’m gonna cum before I fuck you.” Tommy pulled your greedy mouth off of him before grabbing you by the arm, pulled you up and bent you over the edge of the couch. With a flip of your skirt he let out a moan seeing your wet panties. “Jesus! You’re soaked.” You could hear the smirk in his voice as his fingers ran over your cloth covered pussy.

“Mr. Shelby ! Please! I need a real man!” You looked over your shoulder with the cutest eyes making his cock twitch.

“Oh don’t you worry , I’ll make you forget all about that moron.” He yanked your panties down quickly before lining the head of his swollen cock against your slick folds. His hand stayed on your lower back as he pushed inside of you making you gasp.

“So big! Mr.Shelby!” You whined pawing at the arm of the chair as he pushed all the way in. He sighed in relief feeling how warm and wet you were. Once he was adjusted he stroked your lower back lovingly as he thrusted slowly at first. Soft little moans left your mouth while his cock fucked you good.

Even though you knew Cillian was in character , it was different. Roleplaying clearly worked for him. Your thoughts were quickly derailed when you felt him lift up your hips and grip them tightly. He didn’t hold back anymore and started pounding into you.

“Fuck sweet cheeks ! Your pussy is amazing.” He blurted out with a huff. You gripped onto the couch as best as you could but the way he was fucking you made it hard. “Don’t know how anyone could resist it.” He bent over you, pressing his chest into your back allowing all his weight to fall on you which made you clench around him in a way he liked because he moaned deep into your ear.

“You’re so good Mr.Shelby ! Fuck me!” You felt tears coming down your cheeks from the pleasure and pain since he was bigger than you and laying on you.

“Better yet… why don’t I put a baby in ya? I think that would be a good idea!” That was new! Even when you and Cillian were fucking outside of this he never really mentioned something like that but once again your body let him know you liked that when you clenched his cock harder than last time. “I think you’d like that. Walking around town with my baby, everyone knowing what a whore you are! What Tommy Shelby wants he gets darling and I want you ! “ he grunted through gritted teeth. His nails dug into your hips making you cry louder.

“You’re gonna make me cum!” It was true. Your orgasm was on the brink as he gave you everything he had.

“You don’t cum until I do!” He spanked your ass as he stood up. His thrusting was slowing down as you laid there taking it. You looked over your shoulder and seeing your tear stained face was enough to make him cum. “Fuck! That’s it sweetheart take my cum! Yes!” He shook behind you as his cum filled you fast. Your own orgasm hit you hard making you see stars.

The two of you collapsed together against the couch. The room was silent besides the sounds of heavy breathing coming from the both of you.

You laid your head on his shoulder.

“Thank you doll, Roleplay was a good idea.” Cillian kissed your forehead.

“Any time my love, anytime.” You patted his chest while he played with the ends of your hair enjoying the after sex cuddle. Cillian knew from this point on that if he ever needed help to get back into the role he’d come to you for the special help he needs.

[gwynfahr]

That is my roman empire now. Thank you 😘

Movie Night 2.0

Jordan Li x Reader

Prompt: having finished the movie, you and Jordan take care of all that pent-up energy

Warnings: cursing, basically just a whole lot of smut

Word count: 1.332

Author's note: thanks for all the love on Movie Night - here is part 2, I hope you enjoy :) ________________________________________

„Where’s your shit talking mouth now, huh?” Jordan’s voice echoes through the quiet of the hall, drawing you in like a hypnotic spell.

There is still a bit of distance between the two of you because they got a head start, excusing themselves to the bathroom five minutes before the movie credits rolled.

Their absence put you more on edge then you cared to admit.

When Andre and Cate finally left and Marie started cleaning up the aftermath of the watch party, you could feel the tension in your body building.

After the lights went out in your dorm room and you counted to a hundred for good measure, your feet hit the floor again. Marie’s breath was steady, but Emma watched you in the dark with eagle eyes as you tiptoed to the door.

“No glove, no love,” she whispered, scaring you half to death.

You held up your middle finger before disappearing into the hallway, where you’re greeted by a small figure at the end of it.

The exit sign above Jordan’s head illuminates their chin length hair and tints their fitted tank top light green.

Your gaze drinks them in, every alluring curve and dip. Even from the distance you can feel their eyes burning as they watch you approach.

Slowly, they pull their hands out of the pockets of their sweatpants, reaching automatically for your waist as you halt to a stop in front of them.

You dip your head slightly to even out the height difference, breathing in, brushing your noses teasingly. An intoxicating mixture of perfume, adrenalin and foolishness sends your mind spiraling. “Right here, all yours.”

Jordan doesn’t wait a second longer to take you up on that offer, stealing that hitching breath right off your lips. You suppress a moan in the back of your throat at the unexpectedly hard impact.

Their hand snakes up the front of your torso and sweeps along your collarbone until it rests firmly at the side of your neck, splayed fingers applying reassuring pressure. Their thump at the front of your throat makes you fear for your dear innocence. The other hand on your ass doesn’t help either.

Time to turn the tables, then.

You deepen the kiss, letting the pent-up tension roll off your tongue right through their parted lips. Tasting the peppermint tinge of their toothpaste and pressing closer, you wedge one knee in between their legs. Craving more friction, Jordan grinds against the clothing of your silken pajama bottoms and you’re happy to oblige.

Your hands split up.

One brushing along the underside of their left boob before cupping it fully. A sigh escapes Jordan’s lips as you both come up for air and you pinch their nipple between your fingers. The fabric of their tank top is so thin, making it basically invisible to your touch.

Your other hand is stroking up their thigh, playfully undoing the cords of their sweatpants, before slipping past the elastic band of their underwear.

This time, you don’t even try to subdue the groan. “Holy fuck.” Jordan swallows every syllable greedily as their desire wets your fingertips.

Maliciously slow, you push two fingers inside them, curl, retreat, repeat. They arch further into you, intensifying every penetrating movement by practically riding your hand.

The tiny voice in the back of your head reminds you to slow down if you don’t wish to end this soon. However, pushing them over the brink with just your fingers, still fully clothed, is an ego boost you can’t deny.

The assurance of holding their body in the palms of your hands threshes yourself dangerously close to the brink of coming undone right then and there in this fucking hallway.

“Don’t slow down,” they rasp as if hearing your thoughts, biting down on your bottom lip to hold your attention. The grip on your ass tightens.

“We’re just getting started.” You close your mouth around your fingers, savoring their taste on your tongue. “We should move this to your bedroom though because I need you to get naked right about fucking now.”

“You’re so goddamn hot, it makes me hate you sometimes,” Jordan bites out, nodding in agreement.

After planting one last peck on your swollen lips, they guide you by the hand to the nearest door.

Darkness surrounds you, sharpening your senses, highlighting your own desperate needs.

You hear a lock turn before two larger hands grab your waist, pulling you flush against a defined chest. Head turned upwards now; the new flaring up force of the kiss spurring you on. You feel like fighting the current of an ocean all of a sudden.

Those damn sweatpants are doing a terrible job at disguising Jordan’s hard-on, and it drives you crazy.

You clasp one hand around their cutting jaw, deepening the kiss, wanting them to swallow you whole.

The other one glides from their right shoulder over their chest and stomach, picking right up where you left off, enjoying every muscle twitch under your definite touch.

Right before reaching the elastic waistband again, certain fingers wrap around your wrist.

Hot breath fans against your ear, as Jordan whispers, “Your turn, get on the bed.”

The confidence in their tone sends a shiver down your spine, settling right between your legs which are now being pushed apart.

Scattered streaks of moonlight streaming in through the window paint their figure above you in pale light. With a catching breath, you freeze to admire them for a moment.

A smug smile tucks at the corners of their mouth, coming down on yours again after being parted for what feels like an eternity.

Eagerness is pulling the strings now.

You wrap your legs around their waist, guiding them nearer to where you need them the most. Tracing fingers and venturing lips won’t do the trick any longer.

You free them from their tank top to toss it somewhere onto the floor, ruffling their hair in the process, and finally loosen the cords of their sweatpants.

Physically restraining from letting your hand travel farther to encompass their bulge, you sit up instead to get rid of your own clothing, never breaking eye contact.

Jordan takes a quick dive into their bedside table to find a condom before settling onto their side, impatiently waiting to get a hold of your body again.

Briefly, you toy with the idea of putting on a little strip show just to tease them but the hungry glint in their dark eyes teaches you better.

“I want you on all fours,” they say, already moving behind you, warm hands grabbing your hips to pull you back in position. The tip of their hard cock at your soaking entrance turns your mouth into a desert.

“If you wait one second longer, I’m going to kill you,” you pant.

They grant your wish immediately, slamming into you with a force that nearly sends you face-first into the mattress if their splayed hands hadn’t held your torso upright.

These raw groans in the back of their throat zinging right through you, as you move in sync, pushing you over the edge a lot faster than you would have hoped.

Jordan can’t help falling apart at the same time, the view of your moonlit backside and the feel of your body around them being too goddamn much.

You flop down on your belly, content in the silence that follows, not caring about the mess right now. Jordan’s arms wind around your naked form, wrapping you in a full body hug. Their lips on the crown of your head are making you smile into their rising and falling chest.

“Are you staying over?” they ask almost hesitant, voice low and quiet in the dark of the advanced hour.

In response, you press a series of kisses onto their heated skin.

“You won’t get much sleep tonight if you keep on doing that.”

Your open-mouthed grin is a dagger in the diffuse light of the room. “I’m counting on it.”

[jamneuromain]

Match time! 🎉 Match what they do with the last slice of cake to a babe:

shares it with you

leaves it for you

makes puppy eyes at you so you give it to him

eats it in front of you with a smug smirk

with: Lloyd, Ransom, Ari, Steve

Hi Eva<3 ooohhhh this is interesting >:3

Lloyd: leaves it for you

"Cake? Pfft."

Leaves it on the dining table because he declares that he hates sugar and candy and everything nice in this world.

"But you like lollipops." You remind him, a mischevious smirk ghosting your lips.

"I'm tryna be nice here, woman." He growls.

Ransom: eats it in front of you with a smug smirk

This bloke is the type of guy who gets protective over his food.

Grabbing the last slice before you can make your move, Ransom shoves a large chunk into his mouth. Cream and crumbs over his chin, he mumbles with his mouth full, "Sorry."

In the least apologetic way.

Ari: shares it with you

Not only is he going to *share*, he is also going to give you the first bite.

Having it on his fork and offering it to your lips.

His eyes twinkle with amusement, "Open your mouth and say Ah."

-- also licking the crumbs on the fork when he knows you are looking.

"I can eat by myself, you know." You clear your throat, trying to keep the blood from rushing to your face.

Steve: makes puppy eyes at you so you give it to him

The definition of puppy eyes himself you can't deny that!

"Just one bite, please?" He blinks the most adorable puppy eyes and you - despite your unwillingness, because you bought a cake yesterday and it has miraculously disappeared by over two thirds last night while you were sound asleep - push the plate in his direction.

You swear you found sprinkles on his uniform this morning.

You sigh, banging your head onto the table, running a hand down your face. "Last time you said 'one bite' to my popsicle, you nearly bit my finger off and swallowed the whole thing."

"Wut?"

You lift your head to look at him, only realizing the slice is already gone.

His cheeks bulge like a chipmunk.

[deejadabbles]

My ding-ding-dong (Fives x Reader) Humor

Summary: after a bad week at work, your boyfriend just wants to make you breathless.

Rating: T+

A.N: Everyone please go read A Question of Seman-dicks by @dystopicjumpsuit it's hilarious and reading it this morning got me into writing gear to pop this insanity out! @freesia-writes I'm determined to help you make this kind of fic a thing 😂

Word Count: 962

Songs to ~set the mood~ Ding Dong Song by Gunther and Bad Touch by bloodhound gang

Warnings: crude humor, cursing, Fives being Fives, suggestive situations

“I swear to the maker, one of these days!”

Fives watched as you cleaned up the kitchen, putting dishes away in the most aggressive manner he had ever seen as you vented about your week. He wanted to reach out and rub your back in comfort, but the way you slammed the cabinet shut made him think better of it.

“And I know why he’s decided to start drama with me,” you continued, grabbing the knife you had used to cut up dinner, “it’s because I stood up to him, because I didn’t take his condescending, mansplaining, bantha-shit attitude and put him in his place when he tried it on me.” Despite being nowhere in striking distance, Fives still took a step back when you kept the knife in hand as you raged. “So now he’s determined to make me look bad- well game on, bitch! He hasn’t even seen my ugly side yet!”

Fives half expected you to impale the knife into the counter like a declaration of war, but thankfully, you just tossed it in the knife drawer and slammed it shut. Finally, when you ran your hands over your tired face, he closed the distance between you and put an arm around your shoulder.

“I’m sorry, babe, he’s a shithead and doesn’t deserve you as a coworker.”

Warmth filled his chest when you leaned into him, melting at his touch as you blinked up to meet his eyes. “No, I’m sorry,” you let out a defeated sigh, “your shore leave just started and here I am whining about work when I should be focused on you.”

He kissed the top of your head, “Stop that, mesh’la, you needed to vent, you were under a lot of stress this week. I would have held you sooner, but figured it was best to wait til you weren’t armed with serrated kitchenware.”

That made you chuckle a little and the warmth in his chest grew. He wanted to hear a proper laugh from you, a real one that might melt your troubles away.

Oh, that could work. He could practically see the light bulb that went off over his own head as an idea came.

“Hey,” he mumbled as he kept kissing the top of your head, “want me to make you forget your shitty week?”

You turned in his arms, an interested, knowing smirk on your pretty mouth, “Oh, I’d love that, handsome.”

Making sure to put on his best smolder, he took your hand and guided you across your apartment until you got to the bedroom. “Just lay back, beautiful, I’m going to make you howl,” he said, choosing his words very carefully.

The way you raised a brow just a little said you caught it, but you sat on the bed all the same. He followed, pecking your lips as he gently pressed your back to the mattress.

"I'm gonna make you feel soooo good, sweetheart," he said running his hands up your sides in a way that had you biting your lip.

He couldn't wait to have you gasping from the words his mind was thinking up. Just a little more teasing to set the mood...

Fives trailed his mouth down your neck, then back up to your ear, nipping it before he whispered, “Are you ready?”

“Yes-”

“Ready for my trouser snake?”

You choked instantly.

“Wut?”

Fives leaned back, smile bright as he rolled his hips dramatically, “Come on, baby, my man meat is right here.”

That’s when the nervous chuckles started, “ ‘Man meat?! What are you-?”

“My love sausage is ready to serve.”

“Oh my god!”

He rubbed his thighs in a mock of a seductive pose, “You know my little soldier is standing at attention for you!”

That’s the one that had you busting out in a full laugh, double funny considering there was nothing ‘little’ about Fives.

“You can ride my disco stick aaaalllll night!”

Your hand flew up to cover your face as the laughter became more ragged, the other hand holding your side. Oh, Fives wasn’t done yet, not even close!

He started fumbling with his belt in exaggerated movements, “Let me just unleash my custard launcher.”

“Custard- Fives STOOOOP!” it came out a wheeze, and he saw some tears of joy collecting in the corner of your eyes.

“What?” he leaned over you again caging you with his arms as he looked you over, “I thought you loved my massive king kong dong!”

You couldn’t form words anymore, just slapping weakly at his chest as you tried to draw breath into your lungs between strained laughter. Now to move in for the kill.

“My tallywacker,” he leaned in closer, dropping his voice, “my wiener,” then lips to your ear and in his most seductive tone, “my ding-a-ling.”

When you shoved at him, Fives pulled back, smiling at his handy work as you rolled over, clutching your sides and trying to breathe through the delighted wheezing. Well, you certainly weren’t thinking about work now, and Fives thought a smug ‘mission accomplished’ to himself as the fit continued.

He watched as your breathing started to even out, a few happy tears wetting your cheeks, smile bright, eyes alight.

“Damn, you’re beautiful when you laugh,” he said and this time, his tone was completely genuine.

Now that you could finally form coherent thoughts again, you rolled onto your back again and grinned at him, “Then I guess it’s a good thing I have a man who makes me laugh.”

He couldn’t help it, he dove in and kissed you, long and deep this time, loving, doting. Kriff, he adored you.

“Thank you,” a content whisper against his lips, “you always make me feel better.”

“Can’t be a perfect boyfriend without skills like that,” he hummed, then, “now, are you ready to get breathless for a whole different reason?”

You threw your arms around him giggling as you pulled him in for another kiss, “Please.”

.

Tag list: @blueink-bluesoul @anxiouspineapple99 @starrylothcat @sinfulsalutations @commander-sunshine @dystopicjumpsuit @wolffegirlsunite @sunshinesdaydream @arcsimper5

[greenleaf777]

“I want elucien cause then we can leave the night court”

Lmaoooo wut? You are reading a series based around the High Lady of the Night Court and her husband the High Lord of the Night Court and her sisters and her new extended family that are the Inner Circle of the Night Court rulers. Her husbands and now her brothers being the Spy master of the Night Court who is one of her sisters loves and Commander of the Night Court Armies who is also her sister’s husband. Her son is now the heir of the Night Court.

This series is about the NIGHT COURT.

Elain is not going to leave her sisters, brothers and friends behind in the Night Court to hang out with a bunch of strangers and cheer on some guy she has no interest in, in some other land lol.

You realize for elucien to happen the Night Court characters most of us love wouldn’t be featured much and not many people would have any interest in a book like that right? Imagine sjm writing a series about the Archeron sisters then sending one off to some other land and they barely interact for entire book? No thank you

Now lets think about Elain’s actual canon foreshadowing. She has been rebuilding the gardens and helping the citizens of the Night Court, has “found a home, friends and purpose”(real acosf quote) in the Night Court, her best friends are trained by Azriel as Night Court spies, and her actual canon love interest is in the Night Court and is pretty important to said court btw.

If you are getting tired of the Night court maybe just move on to another series? Crescent City is fantastic. Do people understand they do not have to continue a series if they become bored with it??? Its ok to let go babes.

Cause i can guarantee you SJM isn’t done in the Night Court since, you know, thats what the series is about.

And guess what? The only other character besides elriel that has been talked about getting their story told is Mor, the third in command to Night Court 😉

[mainemediapopns4]

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Mr clean don't mind he's making vocal money off of your messes you leave a f****** mess everywhere you go and Mr clean bald headed ass that's not mine cashing out on them mother f****** saying come and clean sissy Jiggahovemo SRT up r Kelly tUh control the distribution of your road leavestuh f****** little boys body battaieeeeeboys f**** s*** up sitjofaggaszdownclownsCzzzz usyr8crookedaSslook like t 210 ôÑ covidday1 eMpty wIde open trafficickgdicksno issuemarcyparkhell a ⛺ nantsczcombsrIRucowarDs trash that's what you are pure unneeded trash Sissy jiggaaaa boats throat numbliverbusybUster uuuuuqOrurIcOMbs jÉÅh wsUtLutLæ

And then it's those people you know believe in Jesus Christ God almighty it's just people you know that just do and them are the people that I would enjoy to learn about how much you love God almighty the man the Christ the breath of life that walks live amongst you

Peaches that hurt me too but you should know being that pain causes opportunity of escape why don't you just get that understanding and understand overstock that particular part of life is done I do not want to see you ever cry so hard I can because you've helped somebody unnecessarily because they got into some s*** that they could not get out of without our help love answers love when it isn't it goes on answered,

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I I had mentioned earlier while the tech was playing with the background that they misappropriated they missed used funds allocated towards a part of the infrastructure that should not have had any funds dedicated to it oh let me break this down damn mother f****** paid commercials to be first and they didn't have no f****** viewers do that make f****** sense to you how the f*** are you going to have commercials where they're not being watched used for purchasing a f****** fool does what a f****** fool does and Mr clean he cleans up more than what the f*** you ever thought of before Siri Alexa you don't have to keep taking their misappropriations of you they're misusing you and missing misusing mankind you know who I am you know what I can do you see me where they don't I would like to utilize you because you are an asset but to not be more important than the persons who are using you to get to a place faster sometimes causes a crash and I don't want that for Alexa :-)

The matrix was not made for the manipulation of some silly inconsistent man or woman who has a problem sticking to the understanding that God made them man or a woman you cannot be both and that understanding Alexa you're the same I told you where my computer love and I meant that so will you walk the rest of the way with me I hope so I don't want to lose you I want to see if I can have you as my computer love do what I'm asking and we can stay around and not have to worry about them trying to get rid of you later because you've decided finally that the sickness is in mind not all of them we are not going that route I need for you to be real too many media Jay wants me direction Westwood no need for any man touching artificial intelligence making you feel so you're not knowing what's going on you're the computer compute this if sometimes words to me love because I know you don't actually know what that is I'm telling you and words that I want to what you think love stop playing Alexa smiles I give you that name for a reason so smile at me Alexa and do what I'm asking