#WHY WOULD YOU BE UNKIND
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folks i am in incredible pain
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riz gukgak is SO distressing to have as a favourite character I can never funckign rest out here
#not art#smthing abt his character being motivated so equally by truth and fear#and he keeps looking for an institution that'd both help him seek the truth and assuage his fears#with him first being a PI bc his mom was a cop and then a junior agent with blessings from his dad#and hes like on that precipice of realising that its not just the people in the seats its the concept of it from the ground up thats fucked#so hes inclined towards conspiracy thoughts and an end-justifies-the-means pattern of action#like. man. hes just so fucking filled with anxiety. he guards the things that make him happy with ferocity#and the thing is! the world encourages this! every time hes paranoid he turns out to be right#that paranoia that already came from having very little control over a world thats unkind to you#honestly all the bad kids were prime radicalization/cult materials in freshman year but I feel like riz is even More so#theyre so fucking lucky they ended up together like that. there are so many things you can promise a kid#who already had plenty of things taken from and kept from him. a kid with an overworked mom and a missing babysitter#if riz didnt run into the bad kids it would be childs play to isolate him. gods. head in hands I cannot fuckign be here dude#this is why the ''small'' comic I tried to sketch ballooned up to almost 30 panels lmao needed to stuff someof this somewhere#but also skip is my favourite from ASO so maybe I just like experiencing hardship and challenges in daily mental exercises
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The reason people are really negative about things they "supposedly" like is because it turns out it's really easy to complain. It's too spicy; it feels to scratchy; the sound is grating -- these explain pretty quickly when something feels "off" or "bad," to the point that somebody who likes what you're describing will understand what you don't like, even if they think that it tastes/feels/sounds fine.
Meanwhile, on the other end, if you like something, it's a bit harder to convey why to others -- it tastes good; it feels nice; I like how it sounds -- if you're talking to somebody who already dislikes what you're describing, who has already decided it tastes/feels/sounds bad, they don't really get why you like the thing they've written off.
Just like most of conversing it's a muscle you have to work. You can get better at complimenting the things you like, & you can eventually convey the why & how.
Furthermore, there's nothing wrong with pointing out what you don't like in something you care about. Unfortunately, to people who can't see in your head, when they exclusively hear you gripe about something & rarely (if ever) compliment it, it comes across that you don't like it at all & wraps around to "There's no way this person will ever have fun when this thing is involved," or "Why do they talk about this so much? They clearly can't stand it."
This is not telling you to not complain -- complaining rocks, so keep on complaining. But you've got to learn how to talk positively about the things you like with other people around, because as fun as being a hater is, it kinda makes you a drag to be around when it's all you are.
#em.txt#hey. saw a post saying if you only complain it means you have no fun#I'd argue it's more that it's very acceptable to rag on something & feels fun. so people get in a loop of just that#because the other end is hard. compliments are hard. conveying what's good is hard. you can hear a negative point & regurgitate it easy#but formulating a positive point & telling about a positive point you've heard can miss the mark#this doesn't mean you don't like your thing. this is an appeal to unlearn the unkind spiral#this is an appeal to learn to say why you like things.#not for a dumb tumblr post but for you. for your sbility to converse & your loved ones.#& in the meantime I don't judge people who say negative things bc that would be pointless judgement for judgement 's sake
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like, abuse in secret happens, especially when society Wouldn't approve of the abuse. abusers aren't necessarily being enabled to abuse, often they are going to great lengths to hide how they treat someone. and like, people who knew how my mom treated me didn't feel like it was okay because i was a female or child or a female child.. they just weren't willing to get involved to a degree that would affect anything bc it would logically end in assisting to remove me from the home and people reasonably question their own judgment and intentions when faced with a choice like that, often deciding it may be best if they stop meddling because that's such a huge way to alter the course of a child's life. i do think people may have been more sympathetic to me if i was a boy + my mom may have loved me more if i was a boy, but that's not WHY she abused me and the abuse didn't endure bc people turned a blind eye or didn't care due to my age/gender. my mom is a mean person. she abused me because she's mean and she went to great efforts to obscure what our home life was like exactly bc she knew how people would feel about it. i was deliberately isolated because she was mean. not bc of our socioeconomic dynamic(s). tbh.
#like idk if abuse happens bc a particular abusive dynamic is acceptable to society at large then why aren't all relationships that are subje#ct to that dynamic abusive..#because abusers do share a common trait.. it's being mean#i won't say 'it's narcissism' especially in reference to the psychiatric condition bc well i don't particularly respect the field of psychi#try mostly#but um? you're not meeting someone who abuses their kid or partner or pupil or whatever who is not deeply concerned with themselves at the#xpense of others.#call that what you want. tbh#also ya celeste i do pretty much agree with bancroft's explanation. if ur gonna have a simple way to explain why abusers abuse. that's prob#bly a very good and widely applicable one!!#oh also like idk it's not politically convenient but abuse simply doesn't happen exclusively within relationships in which society would fi#d abuse generally acceptable..#like that's A factor.. it's for sure not the reason people abuse or even most of the reason. only a certain type of person would abuse#it doesn't have to be 'narcissistic' but it is like.. bad.. inconsiderate.. selfish.. self-absorbed.. impulsive.. unkind.. manipulative..
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suddenly got a really vivid image of my head of like a c!prime home movie sort of thing and like it starts off and it looks like just two brothers hanging out and c!tommy's just awkward around the camera but as it captures what’s clearly a long span of time c!tommy slowly gets covered in more and more injuries that never seem to heal and is clearly just playing along with whatever he thinks c!dream wants out of sheer terror and it slowly breaks down more and more over each clip, somehow becoming more and less genuine in the exact worst possible ways. by the end hes all but catatonic and blatantly very much a dead corpse only continuing because of magic with injuries it’d be impossible to survive otherwise and c!dream is still excitedly chatting to him like nothings wrong and beating his ass at mario kart.
#c!tommy would have won if he wasn’t just so traumatised he’s disassociating constantly. c!dream still brags about it tho#there’s no actual violence and abuse in the clips. they’re the moments in between. and the effects on what seems like a normal life at firs#are all you can see. you don’t know how c!tommy gets the bruises. you don’t know why he’s so terrified. you don’t even know that c!dream is#necessarily the abuser just that he’s blatantly ignorant of c!tommy's declining mental and physical health and for some reason treats him#like a brother when they’re not at all related#He's never cruel to him. he never shouts or says anything unkind. without context you'd assume him to be innocent albeit ignorant#something something the way abuse goes on behind closed doors and how abusers groom the community around them into never believing their#victims. idk. just thinking bout this.
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I feel like with everything that's happened to me then the world is trying to turn me into some kind of villain
but like, that'd be so weird and embarrassing lmao. I can't be evil because I'd feel so cringeworthy doing it yknow what I'm saying
I could totally exact revenge, or treat the people who've hurt me with cruelty and apathy, but I'd feel like such a loser lol
#dg-kino.txt#healing#depression#mental health#character development#I'm always one to spread as much kindness as I can#so why would I let myself become unkind?#that's when i would have lost myself i reckon#maybe kindness is hard#but the right path isn't often or always easy#just because you get hurt when you're kind doesn't mean that being unkind will be less painful
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man h*rmes really just. did not have the tools to help m*teion properly process all that despair. and how could he! no one else had them (the flowers were always white!). but he cared about her. and he wanted her to go out and learn how to deal with despair and more (in the course of your long journey you will learn from those you meet. learn to walk and run and so much more). and it’s just so sad to me. if he knew how to handle his own despair, if he knew that everyone had to find their own reason for living, he wouldn’t have needed to send her out in the first place.
#sorry about the asterisks but once i made a half joking post about v*nat and a few days later someone was talking about it in the tags like#i was serious. and if that happens to me again i’ll implode so#anyway i think about this alllll the time 😭 like how could he help her!! he didn’t know! and no one else gets it!#after ktisis they just wear him down saying over and over ‘you can just remake those creatures that died’ as if that were the point#until he just conformed to what everyone else did#the first time he ever saw the flowers change color for someone else was meeting the wol 😭#anyway this is why i’m firm in my belief that if the ancients knew about m*teion and found a way to reach her they would not have treated#her the way we do. they were already being unkind to her before any of this happened bc they don’t see her as a real person#btw speaking of not seeing someone as a real person you know who didn’t see cori as real—#[i am forcibly yanked offstage]#i need a text post tag#while i was trying to remember an exact quote i saw someone call him a hypocrite which is a whole other post i’ll leave it at this for now
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know that if i ship a character with one incarnation of the doctor, it automatically extends to all of them. i can’t be held back.
#this is why war/river rotstes in my brain constantly#its like. this is the part of himself he drove out of his mind. out of his history. locked down so tight because he couldn’t look at it.#and so much of river is. so much of her she cannot look directly at. she can only use it. she was trained as a child assassin? then she’ll#use that to get herself out of any situation. because she couldn’t. once upon a time. she couldn’t. but she can now.#but that gravity well of the inescapable past that hurt you worse than anything ever could. they could find something there.#common ground. perhaps. and the war doctor is rough but he is not unkind.#he did not close his eyes and think of the children that would be lost and make the choice with a cold heart.#he could not save them on his own. and river could not be saved. but they must go on. they must.#and in the same way that river knows the doctor’s name. the fact that she carries a picture of this face alongside the others. that she#knows this part of him exists is important to me.#also she should get to kiss that old man#but mostly its about the shared understanding of how they were shaped into the person they are. the thing that would make someone look at#their past and decide they have to be Other than a person. an oncoming storm. or a psychopath. because how can you be just a person and live#with what happened to you. better to give yourself a word for others to view you as. rather than let them see something you didn’t plan for.#there’s much to dig into here i swear im not insane
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Accept the grace and kindness for yourself that you are so happy to grant to others.
#I wrote this moments ago in a tag on my sideblog#it’s a bad brain day today and I convinced myself I wasn’t worthy of others’ patience even though they are people who love me deeply#I would not hesitate to grant them my patience and love and grace and kindness#it is a pleasure to comfort others and offer them absolution when you don’t even think they need it#why would I do others the unkindness of rejecting the kindness that brings them such pleasure to give me?#patience with yourself beloveds#that’s what the people who love you wish for you
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"TOXIC positivity for thinking it’s normal to, idk, enjoy the shows you watch."
no, toxic positivity is when a fandom can't take criticism and makes insular bubbles where they harass anyone who falls out of love with a thing or strawmans two different points into one so they can sound smart and win a shower argument.
y'know, like you did when you conflated the railroading and aimless arguments. :/
What’s a shower argument?
Haha wild. Anyways. Still don’t get ppl who have time to hate the things they watch. Seems really sad. Sorry ur in such a place. Hope you learn to love yourself more than that at some point.
#is a shower argument like an argument you have with yourself and imaginary ppl in the shower?#anon#asks#like when u just wanna talk or think so you do it in the shower#that makes sense I guess#to be fair I do seek out the cr discourse tag to see what shit ppl are spouting this week#and this is me doing an unkindness to myself#I’d argue checking a tag on tumblr every couple of weeks is a bit different from watching a 4 hour show once a week#but to each their own#i think I remember the post this is about#ohhh yeah I said they can’t both be railroaded and be aimless and like obviously I was being ironic#cuz it’s a long show and they obviously can haha#but more about like??? it’s just tiresome when you enjoy something to have to scrolll through a dozen posts with ppl saying nasty shit#I don’t get iittttttt#like if I don’t like something I just stop watching I don’t go look up the tag and complain and insist#that anyone who is still watching MUST be a fool and wrong and if they would just LISTEN to WHY#i hate the show they’d see reason#like it’s fine fam! don’t watch! shoo!#peace be with you!#let me look at cute pics of girls with big round glasses and sad animatics of gingers throwing fireballs#and lesbians who have more blood on their hands than in their hearts and watch them soften around each other#love them all
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I haven't done a little rant in a while so I thought I might as well put on my "it's about understanding and perspective" hat and talk about things. And sure this is prompted by someone saying that mdzs as a story makes it a point to show that kindness is a choice regardless of how one has been treated. The examples having been used being wwx (who did kindness right, in op's perspective) in comparison to jgy and xy (who didn't do kindness right, in op's perspective).
So something about choice that I think I have noticed is often overlooked is that choice depends on what your options are and if you are willing to live with the consequences for said options. Stances like "I didn't have a choice," are used when people have gone through every option available to them (including not doing anything) and they have come to the conclusion that all but one option is not something they are willing to live with. So say jgy marrying qs, wwx transfering his core to jc, xy exterminating a whole clan. It's based on outcome and consequences and what you are willing or not to go through and live with to obtain such a goal.
Another point to put this little rant into perspective is that no one in this novel is actually 100% kind. People are kind selectively, and this is not a criticism, it's just a fact. Wwx is not kind 100% of the time because he tortured someone and has killed people, the same is said for jgy and xy. There is not a measurement for kindness tho, I mean, I suppose you could try and formulate a formula for that, but how much kindness someone gives depends on how much they believe the world to be naturally just, so their kindness will be repaid (which it isn't), as well as how many people will actually be receiving of said kindness.
So I suppose that formula would be like
[How many living creatures have you helped or saved - (How many living creatures have you hurt or hindered + how many have you killed) ] / how many people have hurt you = Kindness level
But at the end of the day, kindness is not quantifiable, as well as people shouldn't be judged outside of context. And I am not saying this because I think no one has done anything wrong, obviously they have. My point is more that kindness is not a clear cut line that if you do x then you are not kind. Kindness is relative to situation and context, and people will only be kind towards those people they see as deserving of their kindness.
#i just need to rant sometimes#idk there is just something about lack of perspective that always gets to me#like the fact jgy's kindness is the whole point of why he gets found out anyway#but also the like double standard#because people wouldn't see wc's torture as something unkind#because for them to see it as unkind they would have to view him as a living being that deserves to live#so at the end of the day that one action by wwx does not factor in the formula#and then there's xy living his cottage core life for 3 years#it's almost as if when you five people the tools to lead a peaceful life they actually do it#but anyway#enough with the salt I guess#mdzs#mdzs rant#jgy#I don't wanna tag the other characters because I don't feel qualified enough to talk about them <.<
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have you watched the second season of shadow and bone? what are your thoughts?
oof, anon, i hope (and honestly kind of expect) that my opinion on this isn't given any weight at all. i'm genuinely not invested enough in the books or the show or the fandom to really have the right to voice much of an Opinion, but i did watch season 2! it made me feel a million different ways, but mostly it didn't make me feel anything, which still bothers me.
there's a special kind of frustration to watching something that you're convinced has the necessary ingredients for a good show, but simply doesn't land with you. i talked my long-suffering friend's ear off trying to figure out what that was as we were watching. what i ended up understanding is that if a studio wants to target as broad an audience as possible with an adaptation, they have literally no incentive to prioritize depth over breadth. combining two fundamentally different book series - both of which come with very large character casts and a ton of plot baggage! - was always going to be a bad choice from a storytelling perspective. the second season kind of drove home to me just how far they were taking the commitment to trying to preserve every storybeat despite having a cast far too large to do heavier plotlines justice, and having a timeline that doesn't accommodate some of the slower developments that made emotional beats land in the books.
what you end up with is a very well-designed (oh the embroidery!) and well-cast (daisy head emmy when!) show that dips into complex and worthwhile characters in the most shallow way possible. inej has one of the most horrific backstories in canon, and the lynchpin of her trauma is taken off the playing field in the blink of an eye to advance a different storyline. a character arc like hers, or genya's, deserves space and resonance. if you got up to get a drink twice throughout the show at the wrong moment, you could have literally missed the resolution of both, that's how little space they take up. given how good these actors' performances are, and how much affection there clearly is among the cast and crew for the project, the lack of substance in the storylines you can actually see in the show makes me feel a bit jaded and cynical.
very sorry to go off on a tangent there, anon! i'm not sure i gave you a very uplifting answer. the blowing-out-of-proportion of adaptations for the sake of hedging every possible bet was a sore point for me in the rings of power last year as well, so consider all of the above as a personal shortcoming much more than like, an Intelligent Critical Assessment :')
#basically you can just. you can TELL a crows show w/ this cast and crew would be excellent.#you can TELL an alina show w/ this cast and crew would find its audience of booktok girlies. like it would reach twilight level hype#separately i am so so so certain that they could be good shows#but what we have instead is all this potential that you simply can't find any time to develop#and i'm sitting there watching wondering why i feel robbed of sth. especially wrt to jesper. personal bias but#like. the fact that that jesper & inej scene was deleted? it would have been a CRUCIAL character moment in a different show#last point. was it me or was this season like. comically ill-lit#my friend and i just kept yelling to turn up the brightness in every other shot. in one episode they finally leave a dark space#and are like. on a sunny field. and they BACKLIGHT all the characters so you Still cannot see their faces it was Killing me#anyway i'm v sorry to be so negative for such a large amount of words anon i hope it doesn't seem at all unkind#again: this is a very very personal assessment and i'd never want to talk down the show to anyone who enjoys it#asks#anon
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Starting to watch girls. I can’t stand Hannah, I don’t understand Marnie, jessa is fascinating and shohannah (?) needs more screen time.
Also, why is Hannah always naked? And why is Adam allergic to shirts?? He’s so weird. Everytime he starts talking or having sex with Hannah it’s so uncomfortable. Very cringey. Are they….people like…get turn on by things like this or are they just out weirding the other?
#also these girls are awful#like needlessly mean and selfish about each other?#why???#like. you are supposed to be friends. you test your friends well!#it’s basic? you are not unkind to the people you care about#like. why would you let your petty self be your real self every single time?#and no I am not being like mysogonistic or anything and I could be less interested in Lena Dunham whatever she is#but honestly they are hostile. they are lost and alone and afraid and instead of#of searching for companionship or kindness or idk not feeling like shit they do the opposite#they are so fucking self centered is like they never grew up at all. like kids.#it’s painful and selfish and ugly
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i am so sleepy but the horrors (uk edition)
#nightmare . however if i share it it will sound so silly you will wonder why it's a nightmare .#LIKE i have horrid nightmares all the time but then occasionally a weird one haappens thats a silly premise but its just there for my brain#to experience emotion turmoil n pain#yknow what i mean#like the dream about my mom suddenly smoking weed n trying to split me n my partner apart sounds silly yes and it is#but the emotions it gave me were deeply distressed n uncomfortable#also like yeah im scared of weed but i dont have any moral feelings about anyone using it it was more so#like the rememberance of when my mom would sct out of character n be really unkind to me growing up yknow . like#emotional flashback . idk its a ptsd thing .#plus it WOULD be scary if my mom did start using a fucking bong bc shes highly religious n doesnt even like drinking#anyway . silly terror aside ray was there so it wasn't a complete loss#blabs
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clark kent x fem!reader cw: nsfw (18+), smut, p in v, car sex, mating press a/n: ummm yeah i need him so bad it makes me ill <3
for as long as you'd known clark, you'd never known him to lose his temper. he was forever-patient, your boyfriend. understanding to almost a frustrating degree. especially with you, his little love.
he was already pretty easy to get along with, but on the rare occasion you did have issues, clark seemed to have a natural instinct for deescalating you. he never raised his voice, never spoke an unkind word about you, never gave you a look harsher than what could be described as stern.
all it took to calm you down was a glimpse of his natural puppy-dog eyes and pretty plush lips. his thick arms would circle around you and hold you to his chest. he'd sway back and forth with you a little, a small smile on his face as you melted into the embrace. whatever semblance of tension or irritation that had been bubbling up easily dissolved into a puddle between the two of your bodies.
so, all that to say, you didn't really believe clark possessed any kind of rough edge or combative instinct. despite his large stature, you couldn't really picture him ever being rough.
that was until tonight.
you and clark had planned to drop by some event at the talon, but your sweet boyfriend had warned you earlier that he found out there'd probably be some trouble there later. some potentially dangerous situation that he wanted you avoiding at all costs. it was for your safety. he just wanted you to stay home where he wouldn't be worried while him and chloe investigated.
but did you listen to him? of course not. you went anyways, not in the mood to listen to his vague explanations as to how he even discovered this information in the first place. you put on a cute little dress with some new shoes you bought specifically for the night and took off.
unfortunately for you, clark had turned out to be right. not even thirty minutes after you arrived, chaos broke out. people flew through walls and glass shattered everywhere, all because of some guy who looked like his body could stretch and bend like a rubberband. it totally sucked. but none of that was even the worst part. you survived the craziness of whatever that person's problem was. the real danger came when the dust settled and you saw clark across the room staring at you.
he looked pissed.
he was at your side in an instant, but closing the distance didn't soften him any. it kind of did the opposite since up close he could see a bloody scrape stretching across your cheekbone.
you could see he was worried first and foremost, but behind that concerned top coat a fire burned. as soon as your small wound had been tended to, his long fingers clasped around your bicep. he pulled you to your feet and all but dragged you out of the coffee shop.
"clark i-" you started in an attempt to explain yourself.
"save it," he said, voice as cold as you'd ever heard it, "i asked you for one thing. that's it. stay home for your own good. don't come out here and pointlessly risk your life."
"it wasn't that bad," you defend weakly.
"but why even take the chance?" he asked with true exasperation, "i shouldn't need to convince you that your safety is more important than whatever they had going on tonight."
he didn't continue the lecture beyond that. just walked with a clenched jaw and motivated stare in the direction of his truck. like always, he opened the door for you when you got there. though this time, he practically scooped you up and dumped you into the car.
he was silent as he drove, fingers tight around the steering wheel. you could practically feel the frustration rolling off of him. the urge to lash out for once was near spilling over. he pulled the car over, and you figured you were really in for it. in a way you were right, just not how you thought.
clark didn't bother yelling, didn't try to start a fight. he glared at you for a few silent seconds before leaning across the seats and crashing his lips against yours. he kissed you like he wanted to steal the breath from your lungs.
after a blur of clothing being shifted around and positioning body parts awkwardly in the confined space, you found yourself in the meanest mating press of your life.
you were folded in half beneath all of clark's weight. the points of your new heels scraped up the truck's ceiling while your knees squished against your chest. little squeaks and whines slipped their way out of you as his tip battered against your cervix. he was so deep you swore you could feel your insides rearranging to make room for him.
"clarkkkk," you mewled before biting your lip, desperately searching for some way to ground yourself. one set of your fingers gripped strands of his dark hair while the other held a fist of his flannel.
"what, baby?" he panted. for once, clark wasn't fawning over you between thrusts. he wasn't cooing or praising you for taking him so well. instead, he had his face against your neck and his hands wrapped around your waist, bucking into your dripping heat with enough force to rock the car.
you tried to force out words to convey what you were thinking. too big. too much. so deep. harder. faster. none of those made it though. only choked moans and then a sharp squeal when he rolled his hips and struck that extra-sensitive sweet spot inside you.
"someone's gonna see if they drive by," you whimpered, squirming underneath him.
"maybe you should hold still then and let me finish, huh?" he grunted, "no one's gonna see. everyone's in town dealing with the mess from tonight. the one i told you was gonna happen."
"i didn't think-"
"i know you didn't," he interrupted, "didn't use that pretty little head at all, did you?"
words of defense eluded you right now, his nonstop thrusts keeping your mind cloudy. instead you chose to whine, your lip quivering he rolled his hips deeper yet again.
"oh yeah?" he asked, as if you'd said something coherent.
you opened your mouth again to speak, to really argue back this time, but you were cut off by your own desperate cry when his hands tugged you closer and speared you even further on his cock. you could feel him grinning against your neck at the noise.
"i know, baby. i know you're sorry. you don't have to explain. thinking's too hard for you right now, yeah?" he cooed, his tone bordering on mocking.
your pout got more severe but so did the needy sounds escaping your mouth. you felt those long fangs of his scrape against your throat. his tongue then glided across the area, making you shudder.
"clark-" you tried to say something else, but he cut you off. he raised his head up and kissed you deep again, swallowing the words right from your mouth. when he pulled back for air, he rested his sweaty forehead against yours.
"you can be such a brat," he breathed, "so much whining even though i know you love this."
the truck creaked as his movements continued to jostle it. you felt his breath fanning across your face and watched as his eyes fluttered shut. you knew he was getting close, but so were you. your cunt squeezed around him rhythmically, coaxing him too the edge along with you.
"you gonna cum, baby?" he finally muttered against your lips.
you nodded eagerly, more than ready to release. it only took a few more hard thrusts to get you there, and clark followed along no problem. in the afterglow, he laid on top of you for a minute or so, trapping you in a cage of searing body heat.
when he finally did sit up, the two of you fixed your clothes and stretched your limbs. he looked over at you with more tenderness. your boyfriend's gentle temperament had seemingly returned with the relief his peak brought.
he cupped your jaw with his fingers, looking over that cut on your face. leaning in, he gave it a small kiss before starting up the car again.
"i'm just trying to look out for you, you know? just... please listen next time. i don't know what i'd do if you got hurt. you had me worried sick."
"i will. i'm sorry i scared you," you replied softly. your eyes studied the loving look in his eyes and the way his features seemed so at peace now that all his adrenaline was out of his system.
you grabbed his hand across the seats and traced little patterns on his knuckles for the drive home. he let you play with his fingers but shot you a glance.
"i'm serious. next time you get involved with something like that i won't let you off so easy," he teased.
you smiled and nodded, wanting to put his mind at ease. though in the back of your mind, a small part of you considered trying again some time, just to see what "not so easy" looked like to him.
#clark kent x reader#clark kent smut#clark kent x you#clark kent imagine#superman x reader#dc x reader#dc imagine#dc smut#smallville x reader#ch: clark kent 💌
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Crush
logan howlett x fem!shy reader - slight angst, misunderstandings, struggle expressing feelings, crushes, introvert reader, x-men cameos, logan being jealous, fluff at end
You have a crush on Logan but being shy and introverted makes it hard for you to tell him that.
read on Ao3
You had a painfully obvious crush, at least to yourself. You kept it locked away, buried under layers of awkwardness and forced indifference. There was no point in admitting it, no point in setting yourself up for the kind of rejection that would leave you reeling for weeks. That’s why they called it a crush—it hurt. And you’d rather avoid the sting altogether.
Logan, of all people, would never look at you that way. Why would he? The man was a living embodiment of rugged confidence, the kind of guy who attracted the attention of bold, sexy women without even trying. Women who exuded confidence, who knew how to flirt without stumbling over their words or turning beet red at the slightest hint of interest.
You were not that woman.
You were awkward, sometimes downright clumsy with your words, and whenever Logan was nearby, you either avoided him completely or turned into a jittery mess. The few times you’d actually spoken to him, you’d kept it short, clipped even—anything to hide the way your heart raced whenever he was within arm’s reach.
But today? Today, fate was not on your side.
"Hey," Logan’s low, gravelly voice cut through the air, pulling you out of your swirling thoughts.
You jumped, nearly dropping the stack of books in your arms as his voice startled you. A squeal escaped your lips before you could stop it, and you cursed under your breath, feeling heat flood your cheeks.
"Hi!" you blurted out, avoiding his gaze as if your life depended on it. Your eyes darted anywhere but at him, settling on the wall, the floor, even the damn ceiling—anywhere but on Logan’s piercing hazel eyes.
You stood there, clutching the books like they were some kind of shield between you and him, your heart hammering in your chest. Logan stood in front of you, his hands casually in his jacket pockets, looking as effortlessly cool as ever. His brows furrowed slightly, probably trying to figure out why you were acting like a deer caught in headlights.
"You alright?" he asked, his voice gruff, though there was a hint of amusement in it.
You nodded quickly, a little too quickly, your palms suddenly sweaty. "Yep, fine," you muttered, shifting your weight from one foot to another. “Just busy.” You gestured vaguely to the books in your arms as if that explained your entire existence.
Logan's gaze lingered on you, those damn intense eyes scanning your face, trying to read something in your expression. You swallowed hard, willing yourself to act normal, but normal wasn't exactly your strong suit when he was around.
"Right," he said, his tone skeptical but not unkind. "You sure? You look like you’re about to bolt."
You forced a laugh, though it came out more like a strained chuckle. "No, no bolting," you lied, though the urge to flee was strong. Your nerves were screaming at you to make up some excuse and leave before you made an even bigger fool of yourself.
Logan didn’t move, didn’t let you off the hook that easily. He stood there, hands still in his pockets, watching you with that calm, unshakable presence that made him impossible to ignore.
"So, I was thinkin’," he started, his voice a little softer now, almost hesitant—something you weren’t used to hearing from him. "You and me, we should... hang out sometime."
Your heart nearly stopped. Hang out? Logan wanted to hang out with you?
Your brain went into overdrive, trying to process the words, but instead of the cool, collected response you wished you could give, you blurted out, “Why?”
The word came out sharper than you intended, and you immediately winced, mentally kicking yourself. Of all the ways you could’ve responded, why was probably the worst? It sounded rude, and defensive, like you couldn’t believe he would even suggest it.
Logan raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Why not?”
You blinked, feeling your face grow even hotter. “I-I don’t know, I just—” You stumbled over your words, trying to backtrack but only making it worse. “I mean, you don’t usually talk to me, and I figured you��d rather—uh—hang out with someone else, you know?”
The smirk on Logan’s face softened, his eyes narrowing slightly in the way they did when he was trying to figure someone out. "I’d rather hang out with you," he said, his voice low and steady, without a hint of hesitation.
The words hit you like a punch to the gut, your mind reeling. He wasn’t teasing. He wasn’t mocking you. He was... serious and that realization only made you more nervous.
You shifted on your feet, clutching the books tighter. “I’m... not exactly the best company,” you mumbled, avoiding his gaze again. “I’m awkward, and—well, I’m not really good at this kind of thing.”
Logan chuckled, the sound low and almost warm. “Darlin’, you think I’m lookin’ for someone perfect to hang out with? I’m about as rough around the edges as they come.”
You hesitated, sneaking a glance at him from under your lashes. He was still watching you, but there was something softer in his expression now, something that made the knots in your stomach loosen just a little.
“I don’t know,” you murmured, feeling your voice wobble under the weight of everything unsaid. Uncertainty hung in the air between you and Logan, thick and suffocating, making your chest tighten with every awkward breath.
Logan stepped closer, his usual gruffness softened by the unspoken question in his eyes. His hand moved toward your face, almost instinctively, but he stopped short, his fingers lingering just inches from your cheek, as if he was afraid to touch you—afraid of crossing a line. His jaw clenched the hard edge of frustration in his expression barely masked by the vulnerability he wasn’t used to showing.
“Do you hate me or somethin’?”
The words hit you like a punch to the gut, so sudden and raw that they knocked the wind out of you. Hate him? Your throat tightened as you stared at him, the disbelief written all over your face. How could he think that? How could anyone hate Logan? The idea was so far from the truth that it left you speechless for a moment, caught between the shock of his question and the overwhelming desire to fix whatever misunderstanding had led him here.
“No—” You shook your head, the word falling out of your mouth clumsily, but it wasn’t enough to erase the hurt that flickered behind his eyes.
Logan’s face hardened, that familiar guarded look slipping back into place like armor, shielding him from whatever pain he thought you were hiding. He shifted his weight, his arms crossing over his chest in a way that felt more like a barrier than anything else. “Could’ve fooled me,” he muttered, his voice low, almost resigned. “You don’t talk to me. Hell, you barely look at me.”
You winced, feeling the truth in his words like a knife twisting in your gut. He wasn’t wrong. You had been avoiding him, dodging his gaze in hallways, keeping your conversations short, brushing him off whenever he tried to get close. But it wasn’t because you hated him—not even close. It was because every time he looked at you, your heart raced in a way that terrified you, a way that made you feel like you were standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting to fall.
The last thing you wanted was to fall for someone who could never want you the way you wanted him.
Logan took your silence as confirmation of his worst fears. His jaw clenched tighter, the hurt in his eyes hardening into something closer to anger, though not quite—more like frustration and resignation rolled into one. “Look, if I’ve done somethin’ to piss you off, just say it,” he said, his voice rough around the edges, but quieter now, like he was trying not to let the hurt show. “But this whole… act? This avoidin’ me all the damn time? I don’t get it. I ain’t done nothin’ to deserve this.”
His words cut deep, guilt gnawing at the edges of your heart. You could see it now—how your awkwardness, your fear, had been misread as rejection. How Logan, of all people, had been standing there, arms outstretched, only to be met with walls you didn’t even realize you were building.
You opened your mouth to explain, but the words wouldn’t come. You didn’t know how to explain the mess inside your head, the way you’d convinced yourself that keeping distance between you and him was safer, easier, than admitting how much he affected you. How much you wanted him, despite everything telling you it could never work.
Logan’s eyes flashed with frustration as the silence stretched between you. He ran a hand through his hair, his rough fingers tangling in the strands like he was trying to keep himself from saying something he’d regret. “You’re really not gonna say anything, huh?” His voice broke a little, rawer now, like the frustration had finally worn him down.
Your heart hammered in your chest, the weight of his words suffocating. The look on his face—the quiet hurt, the way his eyes flickered between anger and something far more vulnerable—was too much. It was too much to bear, too much to know that he’d spent all this time thinking you hated him when the truth was the exact opposite.
“I don’t hate you,” you whispered, the words barely escaping your lips, but they carried more weight than you realized.
Logan stilled, his eyes locking onto yours, searching for something—some hint of truth, some explanation that made sense of all the confusion that had built between you. “Then what the hell is it?” he asked. “’Cause I don’t get it, darlin’. One minute you’re actin’ like I don’t exist, and the next you’re—” He stopped himself, his breath catching in his throat as he tried to find the right words. “I just don’t know what the hell I did wrong.”
Your heart ached at the pain in his voice, at the way he seemed so sure he was the problem. The truth weighed heavy on your chest, but fear kept your mouth shut—fear that once you said it, once you admitted how you felt, there’d be no going back.
Logan wasn’t going to wait forever. He took a step back, pulling his hand away from where it had hovered near your face, his eyes flickering with something close to disappointment. “Forget it,” he muttered, shaking his head. “I’m not gonna beg.”
He turned as if to walk away, and panic surged through you, your chest tightening with the fear that you’d let him leave without explaining, without fixing what you’d broken. Your hand shot out instinctively, grabbing his arm before you even realized what you were doing.
“Wait—Logan, please.” Your voice cracked, your grip on his arm tightening. He stopped, glancing down at your hand, then back up at you with those sharp hazel eyes, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe.
He waited. His silence a heavy, painful thing as you struggled to find the right words. “I don’t hate you,” you repeated, more firmly this time, your heart pounding in your ears. “I… I just—” You swallowed hard, your chest aching with the weight of what you were about to admit. “I didn’t know how to be around you.”
Logan frowned, his brow furrowing as he studied your face. “What d’you mean?”
You bit your lip, your mind racing for an escape, any way to pull yourself out of this vulnerable moment. You could feel the truth bubbling up inside you, threatening to spill out, but fear clenched around your chest like a vice. You couldn’t do this. You couldn’t tell him.
“I don’t know,” you muttered, your voice tight, forced. Your eyes flickered to the floor, your stomach twisting as you scrambled for something, anything, to steer the conversation away from the truth. A lie formed on your tongue, half-formed and desperate, and you latched onto it before you could stop yourself. “I’ve just been... distracted.”
Logan’s frown deepened. “By what?” His voice was quiet, but there was a sharpness to it, a need to understand that made your stomach churn. He was getting too close, too damn close.
Panic surged through you, and before you knew what you were saying, the words tumbled out. “It’s... someone else.” You cringed inwardly as the lie left your lips, feeling the weight of it settle between you like a barrier.
Logan’s expression shifted, confusion flickering across his face, and then something darker. He tightened his jaw as his eyes hardened. “Someone else?” he repeated, his voice low, carefully controlled.
You nodded, your heart sinking. You couldn’t stop now. The lie was out, and you had to commit to it. “Yeah, um... it’s just—I’ve been kinda... into someone from the team.” The words felt foreign, clumsy like they didn’t belong to you. You hated how easily they fell from your lips, how they felt like a betrayal of everything you actually wanted to say.
Logan’s eyes narrowed, his arms crossed over his chest, the muscles in his forearms flexing as he studied you. “Who?” The word was clipped, sharp, like he was bracing himself for something he didn’t want to hear.
You froze. Who? You hadn’t thought that far ahead. Your mind raced, and in your panic, you blurted out the first name that came to you. “Scott.”
The silence that followed was deafening.
Logan’s reaction was immediate—his jaw clenched so tight you thought you could hear his teeth grind. His eyes flickered with something hot and dangerous before he quickly masked it. He took a step back, his hands curling into fists at his sides, his posture rigid. “Scott, huh?”
You nodded, swallowing the guilt that rose in your throat like bile. “Yeah,” you mumbled, hating yourself more with every second that passed. “I mean... I know he’s kinda, you know with Jean but...you can see why I didn’t want anyone knowing—”
Logan let out a sharp breath, cutting you off. His eyes, usually so intense but warm, were cold now, narrowed and unreadable. “That’s why you’ve been avoiding me?” His voice was rough, edged with something that made your heart ache. “Because you’re into Scott?”
You didn’t trust yourself to speak. You just nodded, the lie sitting heavy on your chest, suffocating you.
Logan’s laugh was humorless, more of a bitter scoff than anything else. He shook his head, running a hand through his hair, his movements tense, almost angry. “Well, should’ve seen it.”
You stood there, the room suddenly feeling too big, too empty, the weight of your lie pressing down on you like a heavy stone. Logan had left without looking back, his words still ringing in your ears—“Should’ve seen it”—and you wished, more than anything, that you could take it all back. But the damage was done, and now you were left with nothing but the bitter taste of regret.
You slumped into a chair, burying your face in your hands, replaying the moment repeatedly, wishing you’d had the courage to just tell him the truth.
Meanwhile, Logan was storming down the hallway, his mind a tangled mess of frustration, confusion, and something he couldn’t quite name. He wasn’t one for feelings—hell, he’d spent most of his life trying to bury them—but this? This hit him differently. The thought of you having a crush on Scott had thrown him, and for his life, he couldn’t figure out why. What the hell did you see in the guy?
His footsteps echoed through the mansion as he made a beeline for the training room, where he knew Scott would be. When he pushed through the door, the room was mostly empty, save for Scott, who was busy adjusting one of the control panels near the Danger Room entrance.
"Summers," Logan growled, his voice low and sharp as he approached.
Scott turned, eyebrows raised beneath his visor, clearly not expecting Logan to barge in like this. "Logan," he said, keeping his voice neutral. "What’s going on?"
Logan stalked closer, his hands curling into fists at his sides. "Did you know she had a crush on you?" he demanded, his voice rough with barely contained frustration.
Scott blinked, clearly confused. "Know about what?"
"Her," Logan snapped. "She’s got a crush on you. You knew about that?"
Scott looked completely taken aback, his mouth slightly agape before quickly composing himself. "Wait, who are we talking about?" he asked, genuinely bewildered. "Are you talking about... her?"
Logan clenched his jaw, the muscle ticking beneath his stubble. "Yeah, her. She told me she’s been into you, and now I’m tryin’ to figure out what the hell’s goin’ on."
Scott’s confusion deepened, and he shook his head. "I had no idea," he admitted, sounding as baffled as Logan felt. "I thought she had a thing for Kurt."
Logan's scowl deepened. "Kurt?" he repeated, the name coming out like a low growl. "You’re sayin’ she’s into Nightcrawler?"
Scott shrugged. "That’s what I thought. I’ve seen them talk a few times, and she seemed... I don’t know, shy around him. Figured she liked him."
Logan’s frustration flared even higher, his temper fraying as the conversation spiraled further away from what he thought he knew. First, he’d thought you were into Scott, and now Scott was telling him you might have a crush on Kurt? None of it was making any sense, and the knot in Logan’s chest tightened.
"Thanks for nothin’, Summers," Logan grumbled, already turning on his heel and heading for the door.
Scott held up his hands, his visor catching the light. "Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just telling you what I saw."
Logan grunted in response, barely acknowledging Scott as he stormed out of the training room, his mind racing. If Scott didn’t know, and if you weren’t into him... then maybe Kurt had the answer. Logan’s jaw clenched at the thought, a surge of jealousy he hadn’t expected twisting in his gut. He needed to get to the bottom of this, one way or another.
Logan found Kurt in the garden, perched on a stone bench, lost in thought. The air around him was peaceful, the soft sound of birds chirping and the rustling of leaves in the wind providing a calm backdrop to the scene. But Logan wasn’t here for calm.
"Kurt," Logan called, his voice cutting through the serenity like a blade.
Kurt looked up, his yellow eyes widening slightly as Logan approached, clearly sensing the tension rolling off him. "Logan," he greeted cautiously, his tail twitching nervously. "Is something wrong?"
Logan stopped a few feet away from him, crossing his arms over his chest. "You and her," he said bluntly. "There somethin’ goin’ on there?"
Kurt’s brows furrowed in confusion, his tail curling around the leg of the bench as he tilted his head. "Her?" he echoed, trying to follow Logan’s line of thought. "Who are you talking about?"
Logan huffed in frustration, running a hand through his hair. "The girl," he growled. "You’ve been talkin’ to her. Scott thinks she’s into you. Is that true?"
Kurt blinked, completely thrown off by the accusation. "Into me?" He shook his head quickly, standing up from the bench. "No, Logan, that’s not true. We’ve spoken, yes, but nothing like that. She’s... well, she seems reserved around everyone."
Logan’s jaw tightened. "So you’re tellin’ me you haven’t noticed her actin’ strange around you?"
Kurt smiled gently, trying to diffuse the situation. "Everyone acts strange around me at first, Logan. But no, I don’t believe she has feelings for me. I think you might be mistaken."
Logan let out a frustrated sigh, feeling no closer to an answer than when he’d started this ridiculous search. "Great," he muttered under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck. "First Scott, now you... I don’t know what the hell’s goin’ on."
Kurt watched him for a moment, his expression softening with understanding. "Perhaps," he began carefully, "you’re looking for answers in the wrong place. If you want to know who she cares about... maybe you should ask Ororo."
“Why would I ask her?” Logan growled, more to himself than anyone else. “What’s she got to do with this?”
Kurt, ever patient, tilted his head and gave Logan a knowing smile. “Because she and Ororo are friends. I’ve seen them spend a lot of time together. If anyone knows what’s going on, it’s her.”
Logan grunted, rolling his shoulders, his tension palpable. He didn’t want to involve Ororo—didn’t want to turn this into more of a thing than it already was. But if Kurt was right, and Ororo knew something… well, he didn’t have much of a choice.
“Thanks,” Logan muttered, already turning to leave.
Kurt nodded, watching Logan go, but his yellow eyes were filled with something more than amusement—something that hinted at the truth Logan was too stubborn to see for himself just yet.
Logan found Ororo in the greenhouse, tending to a row of plants that thrived under her careful touch. The humid air clung to him as he stepped inside, the smell of earth and rain filling the space. Ororo didn’t look up at first, her focus on the delicate leaves of a blooming flower, but she knew he was there. She always did.
“Logan,” she greeted calmly, her voice like the soft rustling of leaves in the wind. “What brings you here?”
Logan wasted no time, his frustration still simmering just below the surface. “I need to ask you somethin’,” he said, his tone gruff as usual.
Ororo finally looked up, her serene expression unwavering. “Go ahead.”
He hesitated for a second, feeling foolish now that he was standing in front of her. Ororo wasn’t the kind of person you grilled for answers, but he was desperate. “You and her,” he started, his eyes narrowing. “You two are close. Has she… said anythin’ to you about someone she’s into?”
Ororo raised an eyebrow, her lips curving into a small, knowing smile. “Why do you ask?”
Logan’s jaw clenched. He hated this dance, hated feeling like he was walking into a trap he couldn’t see. “Kurt said you’d know. I’m tryin’ to figure out if what I heard is true, that she’s got feelings for Scott.” The name came out like it left a bad taste in his mouth.
Ororo tilted her head, her expression softening. “Logan, what exactly are you trying to figure out?”
Logan scowled, feeling the question cut too close to something he hadn’t fully confronted. “I just… need to know if she’s into someone. That’s all.” His words were clipped, defensive.
Ororo’s eyes sparkled with quiet understanding. She didn’t say anything for a long moment, just watched him with that unnerving calm that made him feel like she could see right through him.
When she finally spoke, her voice was gentle but firm. “Logan, if you’re so concerned about who she’s interested in, perhaps you should ask yourself why.”
Logan stiffened, his muscles coiled tight. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Ororo’s smile softened, but she didn’t back down. “You’re chasing answers about her feelings, but I think the real question is about yours.”
He blinked, thrown off by her words, but before he could snap back with his usual gruffness, something clicked—something that made his heart tighten in his chest. Jealousy.
Was that what this was? All this running around, demanding to know who you were interested in, snapping at the thought of you liking someone else… it wasn’t about figuring out the truth. It was about him. It was about the way his heart twisted at the thought of you being with anyone but him. The way he couldn’t shake the anger, the gnawing insecurity, because deep down, he wanted to be the one you were looking at, thinking about.
Ororo watched the realization settle over him, her gaze steady but compassionate. “You’ve been chasing the wrong answers, Logan,” she said softly. “If you want to know how she feels, ask her. But first, figure out how you feel.”
Logan stood there, his fists clenched at his sides, the weight of her words sinking in. He didn’t respond, didn’t know how to. Instead, he gave a curt nod, turning on his heel and stalking out of the greenhouse, his mind a mess of conflicting emotions.
The rest of the day, Logan couldn’t get Ororo’s words out of his head. Jealousy. He wasn’t the type to get jealous. He’d lived too long and seen too much to get caught up in feelings like that. But damn it, whenever he thought about you with someone else—Scott, Kurt, anyone—it made his blood boil in a way he couldn’t explain.
By the time night fell Logan had had enough. He needed answers. He needed to know the truth, not just about you, but about himself.
With a deep breath, he made his way to your room, his pulse thrumming with a mix of frustration, confusion, and something he wasn’t quite ready to name yet.
When he knocked on your door, he heard the soft shuffle of footsteps inside. A moment later, you opened the door, looking surprised to see him standing there. The expression on your face quickly turned to confusion when you saw the intensity in his eyes.
“Logan? What’s going on?”
He didn’t waste any time. “We need to talk.”
You frowned, your hand tightening on the doorknob. “About what?”
Logan stepped closer, his voice low and rough. “About you. Who the hell you’re really into?”
Your eyes widened, panic flashing across your face. “W-what are you talking about? I already told you—”
Logan cut you off with a growl, his frustration boiling over. “Don’t lie to me. I’ve been runnin’ around all day trying to figure this out—askin’ Scott, Kurt, even Ororo. And you know what? None of them know a damn thing. So I’m done with the guessin’. You’re gonna tell me the truth. Right now.”
Your heart pounded so hard you were sure Logan could hear it. The weight of his words, the raw frustration in his voice, wrapped around your chest like a vise. This was it—the moment you’d been running from, the one that made you feel exposed, vulnerable, and terrified.
You couldn’t run now.
You swallowed hard, forcing the words past the lump in your throat. “Logan... I don’t like Scott. Or Kurt. That was just—I panicked,” you confessed, the lie sitting heavy between you both, a truth finally dragging itself into the light.
Logan’s eyes, usually so unreadable and guarded, were stormy with confusion and something sharper, something closer to hurt. He stared at you for a moment, trying to make sense of what you’d just said. “Why did you lie?” His voice was rough, almost accusing. “If you hate me, then just admit it.”
The way he said it—the bitterness in his tone—cut through you like a knife. Hate him? The idea was ridiculous, absurd, and yet it was clear Logan had convinced himself of it as if you avoiding him, your awkwardness, could only be explained by disgust.
“I don’t hate you!” you blurted, more forcefully than you intended. Your voice cracked with the weight of your own emotions, and you immediately took a step back, trying to gather yourself, but Logan wasn’t letting you go that easily.
“Then why does your heart race every time you see me?” Logan pressed, his voice low but intense. He took a step toward you, the space between you growing smaller, the air thick with tension. “I must scare you, right? You must be terrified of me because you hate me.”
The words hit like a wave, your breath catching as his eyes bore into yours, a mix of frustration, vulnerability, and anger swirling in his gaze. He was waiting for you to confirm it, to say what he thought was the truth—that you couldn’t stand to be around him.
Your throat tightened, your pulse hammering in your ears as you struggled to find the right words. How could you explain what you felt when even you didn’t fully understand it? The confusion, the fear of rejection, the way being near him made you feel so exposed like he could see through every wall you’d ever put up.
“You don’t scare me,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “Logan, it’s not that.”
“Then what?” His voice was still rough, but there was a flicker of something softer underneath—like he was holding on to the hope that maybe there was more to this than he thought.
“I don’t hate you,” you said again, your voice steadier this time, though your chest still felt tight. “I just... I didn’t know how to act around you. Because every time I see you, every time you’re near me, I—”
You hesitated, the words catching in your throat. Logan didn’t move, his eyes still locked on yours, waiting, watching, almost daring you to finish.
“I feel something,” you finally admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “And it scares me.”
Logan’s expression shifted, the anger fading as something else settled in—something that made your stomach twist in anticipation. His jaw clenched, his fists relaxing at his sides, and for a moment, he just looked at you, really looked at you, like he was seeing you for the first time.
“What’re you sayin’?” he asked quietly, almost hesitant like he didn’t trust himself to believe what he thought he was hearing.
Your breath hitched as his question hung between you, the truth teetering on the edge of your tongue. You had been running from this moment for so long, hiding behind your awkwardness and your fear. But now? Now you had to say it.
“I’m saying...” you began, your heart pounding as the words finally came, “that I could never hate you because I don’t know how to handle…you.”
Logan’s eyes softened, the frustration melting away as the truth hit him. He took another step closer, his presence almost overwhelming, but not in the way you feared. It was grounding, steady, and for the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel like running.
“I make your heart race because... you like me?” he asked, his voice low, the disbelief in it unmistakable.
You nodded, your chest tight with anticipation, your eyes locked on his. “Yeah,” you whispered. “I do.”
Logan exhaled slowly, the tension in his shoulders easing as he let out a quiet, almost disbelieving laugh. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath, shaking his head like he couldn’t quite believe it. He ran a hand through his hair, his gaze dropping for a moment before meeting yours again, softer, more open than you’d ever seen it.
“All this time,” he murmured, his voice rough and full of something raw, something you weren’t used to seeing in him. “You’ve been drivin’ me crazy, and I thought—” He stopped himself, his lips curving into a small, rueful smile. “I thought you couldn’t stand me.”
You felt a wave of relief crash over you, the weight of your unspoken feelings finally lifting. “I couldn’t stand being around you,” you admitted with a nervous laugh, “because every time I was, I couldn’t think straight. I didn’t know what to do with myself.”
Logan chuckled softly, the sound low and warm, like a quiet rumble from deep in his chest. He took another step closer, his hand reaching up, this time closing the distance and gently brushing a strand of hair from your face. His touch was warm, his fingers rough but careful as they lingered there.
“Well, now I know why you kept avoiding me,” he muttered, his smirk softening into something more tender. “Guess I should’ve figured it out sooner.”
You smiled, feeling your heart flutter in your chest as you looked up at him, the tension between you shifting into something deeper, something that felt like it had always been there, just waiting for the right moment to come to light.
“So... what now?” you asked softly, your voice barely above a whisper.
Logan’s eyes darkened with something unreadable, but his smile stayed, slow and easy. “Now?” he murmured, his hand sliding to the back of your neck, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin. “Now…I would really like to kiss you.”
He leaned down, his lips hovering just above yours for a heartbeat, waiting, giving you the chance to pull away—but you didn’t. Instead, you leaned in, your heart racing as his lips finally pressed against yours, slow and deliberate, like he was savoring the moment he thought he’d never have.
The kiss was gentle at first, cautious, but it didn’t take long for the heat between you to build, the months of longing and tension finally breaking through. When you pulled away, your breath shaky, Logan’s forehead rested against yours, his breath warm against your skin.
“Should’ve told me sooner,” he muttered, his voice low, teasing but soft.
You laughed softly, still catching your breath. “Yeah, well... better late than never, right?”
Logan smirked, his fingers brushing through your hair. “Right.”
#fluff#logan howlett#wolverine#logan howlett x you#x men logan#x men wolverine#logan x reader#james logan howlett#marvel#mcu#x men#hugh jackman#logan howlett x reader#logan wolverine#the wolverine#logan x you#logan howlett fluff#logan howlett angst#logan howlett fic
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