#WHY IS BEING A WILLING SACRIFCE SO EASY

[selfshippinglover]

Looking at pictures of demon Alastor got me acting UP

(Horny in the tags so ignore just needed to scream lol)

[cleaserene]

Inner Self ; Self Worth (12-23-2019) #12 PART 3

In life there will be people or a certain someone that could change your life completely, it either it can make you or break you.

In the most chaotic state of my life i meet the someone that change me and my life completely, brought color to my world, he found me broken but he took me as I am. He understood me. He cared for me. He loved me. He made my fantasies into reality. He made me stop writing because he's i saw in him all the things i restricted myself to. He taught me to enjoy my life, He taught me to be happy. He was my happiness. He gave me the attention that i didn't even felt before. He loved me and took care of me. He choose me inspite of how broken I am. I was ready to end my life. But he stood beside me. Pehaps i was so overwhelemed of the attention and love he gave me that i was so selfish of him that i was afraid that if i'd share him i would lose him. And i can't for the past seven years from the becery start up to this day i can't loose him.

After all these years, Seven years and Five months we have ecounter countless of trials , challenges, enless fights, doubts , trust issues, foul words that me us hate each other, hate, anger , dreams ,plans and happiness. I could say that we have been there. But either of us let go of what we had. We loved each other dearly, and he became a part of me, I love him to the point that i could sacrifce my friends and family for the sake of us. ( Which today i don't even regret)

I am a broken from the start of our relationship and i never one's told him that i am perfect that i am the ideal partner for him. Iam always doubtfull, I am always jelouse, I always said No to him, I never told him verbaly that i supported him. In short i caged him to myself . I caged him because i taught i was enough for him and i thought he was okay with it i thought he'd choose me that i choose him. I created this blog because of him. Words that i am afraid to tell him. Words that i couldn't tell him.

He because my pillar, my strenght i was a worrior because he made me one. He taught me to stand up but he didn't taught me to stand up alone. I was used to be his center of attention. I was so selfish. I was so selfish that i didn't even notice that i needed support not just emotionally but verbally. I thought my hugs and kisses were just enough I thought being with him personally is enough. I supported him in silence because i was so afraid that someone may took him from me and i cannot afford that. I'm sorry if only i wasn't so selfish of you.

Everyday life is changing, we cannot control time and situations. And it came to a point that my fear of losing him is slowly coming true. I made a stance for himself and everysingle day i'd lose him, i'd lose a piece of me attached to him. he was slowly detaching from me and i caged me more. I held him to much because i can see that i was loosing the person who i love deeply and fixed me. I became i disaster. Looking back i couldn't even ponder why i became like that. Why i because a toxic person for him and for us.

And one faithful night. One year and five days ago i lost the Man that made me a woman. I lost him becuase of the word i didn't even mean. I didn't even have the intention of breaking him. Im so sorry my moon I am so sorry. Im sorry. You were the one who fixed me and yet i broke you. I was hurt too. I lost myself fixing all the things I broke this past years. I lost everything in me making things like what the used to before. I lost my self worth. My confidence, I was so insecure. I blamed myself every single day why we became like this. I couldn't move forward for us. And for even myself. I wanted to hate Him but i can't. I wanted to be angry but i can't because it was my fault in the first place. I know forgiveness is not easy. But believe me or not I started to forgive you and all the people around you that i hurted and hated. With no apologies. I forced myself to be okay to stand up alone but niether all knew that every night i broke myself down. I couldn't even count how many times i creid my self to sleep. Because in my mind i hurted you i should hurt myself too. Twice Trice and how many times. I doesn't matter because my love him is mote greater than any pain and anger. I let myself love you even more despite of everything. I love you more than i give importance to myself.

Time and Changes. No one would ever understand me why i was so stubborn in giving time and embracing changes. I was loosing him. I lost myself. I just don't want to give up without give fight. I fought for us I know he to too fought his battles. But i fought for us. Up to my limit. I sucked every harsh words for him and other people. I was willing to be the bad one in front of everybody. I was only focus of how i can fix things between us. Of how i can let you choose me again. Of how I can let you love me for who i became. " na mawadat ko nmo kong unsa ko" I know that i wasn't a priority but i hoped that i was still there.

Seven years and 5 months ago, you taught me how to pray you introduced me to Papa God. It came to a point that i also loose my trust to God. I became suicidal again. There was i time that i couldn't contain every thing anymore. I so sorry for all the pain i have cause you. I love you so much This maybe the first christmas that I would truly treasure. I don't know if this would be the last I hoped not.

Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me feel happy. For making me feel that i am important. I love so much i love you before I love you even if you changed. i love you still.

I miss you so much i miss you tight hugs your kisses I miss you so much. I miss you so much

I told Him that I was so afriad of risking myself again. That is true. I was so afraid. I am still afraid But i am still holidng on to the hoped that you will still choose in the end. I am still fighting battles this time silently. I only prayed one constant thing this year that is to us being okay again. That we would be happy again. Happiness that doesn't come with a price in the end.

I love you so much my moon. You were my reality in my world full of fantasies.

Your Ann