#WHY DID I WATCH THIS BEFORE BED
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Okay so with the line "the olive tree where we first met" we have two equal hilarious options.
When penelope was sassily like oh I'll marry you if you make a living bed out of this tree right here! Cue penelope stumbling over odysseus very very carefully digging up the tree "because how else is he going to get it to itacha we can't have a wedding bed out in the open in sparta duh"
Or
2. Penelope, knowing that Helen's suitors would soon be arriving to take over her home for a while. Snuck out and went on her own wacky shenanigan filled journey where she scoped out all the major players. Odysseus caught her spying in an olive tree. And when she got back she told Helen she had dibs on the cutie from itacha.
#epic the musical#epic spoilers#Itacha saga#penelope#Odysseus#Odypen#odysseus x penelope#Young odypen courting was filled with wacky nonsense basically canon confrimed#The line “....where we first met” implying that they first met under that specific olive tree#Which has to have some absolutely insane logistics that only odypen (and maybe Athena) could pull off#Odypen being 🥰 🤝 rat bastards in love#Option one odysseus Athena please please please helpppp me pen said she'd only marry me if I made a wedding bed out of this tree#Athena: once again I think you are praying to the wrong person but fuck it how do you think you're going to keep that tree alive#Odysseus: ....a large bucket?#Athena gimme a sec okay I need to go have ares bash my skull in before I watch something this stupid#Athena: checking in on penelope her chosen weaver only for her to be pulling her hair out#Penelope (to her cousins): why did I fucking say that! Beating fathers already an impossible challenge why did I say that#He's going to think I was making fun of him! He's not going to want to marry me now!#Helen: weren't you? Making fun of him?#Penelope: That's not the point!#clytemnestra: Hey he's digging the tree up and has the biggest bucket I've ever seen#Penelope: what?! Trips over every item in the room and gets tangled in her curtains blushing like crazy#Athena: ....it's been a while since I checked up on diomedes training. He'd never put me through this nonsense#Option 2#Helen's maybe a little nervous and wants to know more about who she has to potentially marry and penelope promises her she'll get rundown#Helen did not expect penelope to disappear but she probably should have....it'll probably be fine. Right?#Some kings penlope just straight up greets some she stays hidden and spies#Odysseus is the only one who catches her (he trains woth Athena in the olive Grove#She was not happy when odysseus nearly tripped onto her spear point face first when he saw the strange pretty girl)#And odysseus who's been king for a few years now knows every lady's face because he'll probably have to marry one of them someday
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Stay at home dad and artist on commission Keefe
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#keefe sencen#sokeefe#he watches him and sophie's 5 year old little boy and 11 year old girl (she's currently applying for Foxfire) while sophie works#he does his own art pieces along with commissions at home#and the little boy can teleport so he's constantly dropping in on sophie and fitz at their job#(it's related to them being cognates or something idk)#and keefe has a panic attack because he looked away for one second to add a detail to his sketch and now his kid's gone#their kid drops into sophie's arms (or right outside the door of the building she works at)#and sophie gives him an eye roll and a disappointed look for freaking his father out and interrupting her#(he has absolutely appeared when she was in a super important meeting)#this is all based on the assumption that elves don't have some kind of basic schooling before foxfire or other schools like it#when he appears back at their residence (their leapmaster floor has an open roof for teleportation)#keefe is standing there frantically ready to catch him#and their girl (im shit with names) is standing there giving him a look like “I thought you weren't scared of anything”#and he's just caught the kid and is trying to rock him to sleep cause teleporting is tiring for a 5 year old#but he humors her while walking down the hall to his bedroom#“who said i wasn't?” “i do” “why?”#“nobody who actually beat an ogre would be scared of their child teleporting away”#“you'd be surprised”#(she doesn't beleive he actually fought dimitar and thinks it's an elaborate inside joke between sophie him and queen ro)#so they keep going back and forth with him being vague about the details because while he did beat dimitar#he is absolutely exaggerating all the details#“keefe you can't tell our kids you punched dimitar and he immediately surrendered” “please” “no”#and then they get to his room on the second floor and he shushes her so he can place the sleeping boy in his bed#i have so many thoughts about future sokeefe actually
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Trying to get pics of your pets be like
#pets#animals#photography#snakes#reptiles#I can only do it when THEY decide to do it#It can only happen naturally#APPARANTLY#I did get an okay one#Posting that tomorrow :3#in their defense Scoria was tired and wanted to go to bed#And Sakura just got out and wanted to play#As tired as Scoria was she went in her little house and watched out the window to make sure her sister and I were okay for several minutes#before going to sleep#She knows Sakura feels safer with her around#and gets scared of me without her sister to comfort her#The fact they regularly comfort each other#and are much calmer and relaxed and happier#Is why I let them socialize as much as possible#However not all hognoses will like each other and some even eat each other#but that a whole can of worms that I think has a lot to do with husbandry#and a bigger topic than tagspeak secret messages
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ARCANE DAY
Episode 4 and 5 in the tags and:
SALO BEING A VIKTOS FOLLOWER??? CRAZY. ALSO BOTH VIKTOR MISSING JAYCE AJDHSKSJ also cait has kinda calmed down... and I am sure she misses vi so I KNOW this is going to happen to her soon.... we aren't getting much of her feelings yet... she's still too onto Jinx to catch up on where ambessa is going...
DID JAYCE JUST KILL SALO??? WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE
Also vander not recognizing vi at first until she gives up fighting.... incredible ALSO vander and silco being miners and vi wearing her gauntlets that were initially thought out for miners.... damn
This is my favourite episode so far....
Episode 6 here:
Sky really being there..... of course she is....
Ambessa training caitlyn.... of course thats her new daughter akdjskms Tunnels in your eyes.... GIRL!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T NEED RIGHT NOW also the guy outside is a mage... ambessa is such a hypocrite
Vi and Jinx vs ambessa and cait.... this was always about class war don't get it twisted SINGED!!! TRAITOR!!!!
ARE THEY GOING TO SEE VIKTOR???? I looove how viktors touch on their faces leave "scars" so recognizable
Did isha just take the gem from vi's gauntlets??? Omg I wasn't expecting viktor to build a hippie commune to be honest omg he looks so good.... with the blonde underhairs.... and I do believe that's the same blanket....
And of course viktor knows who vander is.... nvm he diesnt know omg viktor asking for Powder.....
We are getting viktor horsegirl montage.... omg the vander momtage I can't..... omg they wanna stay.... singed is gonna fuck all this up NOOOOO 😭😭😭 they are already there I am going to kms
CAITLYN STOP THIS MADESSS!!! ✋️ CAITLYN!!!!! VI KILL THIS MAN!!! OMG CAITLYN...... mongoose... yeah.... and fuck you too.... CUPCAKE!!!! ABOUT TIME!!!! CAITLYN I SAID STOP THIS MADNESS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! And jayce too 😭😭😭 we're never making it out of the fissures
It's such a shame the spit on here won't work like on challengers.... one can only pray I guess
Jinx experiencing the "there's nothing more undoing as a daughter" moment.... incredible
"Your absence provided a vacuum I was able to fill" TO VI???? I KNEW THAT HAND HOLDING IN THE COMMANDER SCENE WAS SUS AKDHKASJ maddie exists and ambessa knows that and still.... it was not filling her mother's void...
YES CAITLYN!!! YES!!!!! VI is so hot I am distracted... ambessa was right.... now what the fuck will jayce fuck up??? Thats the question... NOT ANOTHER CHILD!!! jayce is a menace... the guys smiling at jayce are viktor... maybe the child even....
JINX KILL THAT MAN!!! NVM VANDER KILL THAT MAN!!! JAYCE YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!! JAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEN I GET YOU JAAAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Isha what are you going to do omg 😭😭 did she kill vander... another powder... my god another week...
That was such a good fucking episode too.... and caitlyn didn't go insane when finding Jinx that is a step forwards but viktor can't be dead... no fucking way... he was giving himself away for the people and he was going to finally die by saving vander and look at what we got... no wonder viktor hates his guts. Jayce you were so good in act one.... what happened..... alright. Christ.... another week....
#FUCKING MADDIE?????????????? NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYYYYY#fucking maddie??? yes she is fucking her. christ. jinx was right vi should have hit before all of that.... maddie bet her to it 😭😭😭#i have tears in my eyes aldjaodjsk no fucking way what the heeeeeeell ooooh my goooood nowaaayyaaayyyaaaayyyy#and cait looks so pretty....... she is still focused on jinx.....#omg isha..... jinx gave up jinx??? what...... ambessa is making hextech... so jayce is still missing.... well she is trying#and mel is still missing too.... christ and ekkos friend is sympathetic to jinx... mmhmhmmmmm also ambessa clocks everything aldjakaj#cait has calmed down.... what is happening... she is now only violent towards jinx i guess. ambessa is opening that wound over and over oof#THE MIDDLE FINGER AKDBAKSBKANSKA sevika is unifying the underground i knew it!!! yes!!!! jinx show up!!!!#cait paying homage to her mother while rictus beats up some guy.... her suffering meking her an enabler to those actions... yeah#oh no..... they know.... isha lighting the fire like jinx did.... sevika getting her arm cut... ISHA BEAT HIM UUUP!!! JINX!!!! omg singed..#enforcer vi becoming part of her hallucinations... its so over... also silco... jinx kill this man. not ambessa... omg jinx run....#she likes iiiit yeeeeahhhh.... ekkos friend... . and THE BROTHEL LADY... SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!! SHE IS SO GLAD!!! WARWICK!! FUCK SHIT UP!!#OMG HE RECOGNIZES HER!!!!! HE SPEAKS!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING MASSACRE OUTSIDE BUT HE DOES RECOGNIZE HER!!!!#CALL VIIIII THROW A PARTY WE ARE A FOUR PEOPLE HOUSEHOLD NOW!!! FIVE WITH SEVIKA!!! COME ON AT LEAST TRY!!!#his eyes changing color... singed you are nothing compared to a fathers love... jinx complaining about not really having killed powder....#she didnt and vander recognises that.... amazing omg........#THE CAIT IN BED HALLUCINATION AND JINX THERE!!!! its so weird seeing them both like this.... jinx wanting to help him.... ofc...#THEY GOT VANDER???? also you know whats funny... the cape makes cait look like silco... it looks red even#why is singed based.... OMG MEL!!! HER BROTHER!!!!! OH MY GOD VIIII LOOKS SO GOOOD!!!! HER GAUNTLETS ARE PAINTED BLACK TOO AKDBAKS#bitch mittens (not even diy) damn vi she got you hard THE BITCH SLAP omg vi... your big sister duties...#singed actually venering vander.... do not help the opressor singed!! i just said you were based!!! IS MEL PREGNANT?!?!??!#she does enjoy her puzzles..... oh of course he is an hallucination.... the first time he appeared behind her....#silco and vanders old hq..... omg MORE DOOMED YAOI...... vander apologised but silco didn't read the letter 😭😭 as vi reaches for jinx omg#vi wearing her enforcer plaque without the plaque.... slay but why. no vander no loke he is a dog akdhaksj IS VANDER THEIR ACTUAL FATHER#NO FUCKING WAY A LOVE TRIANGLE AND EACH ONE GETS OME DAUGHTER AIDHOQSJOSAKL i need a fucking moment....#well its not vanders.... BUT THE SAME CUP AND STRAW FOR POWDER OMG!!! THE FATHERS THAT STEPPED UP!!!CONNEL GET RECKT!!!!#bedrock and blisters my fucking god. vander and silco wanting to build a better zaun for her daughters... AND JINX AND VI ARE GONNA MAKE IT#vander looking at the woman she likes whos hair is purple: ive always liked the name violet. im going to be sick!!!! my god!!!#MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!! VANDER HUGGING VI!!! THE SHOT OF HER OFFERING JINX TO JOIN WILL END MEE!!!!#watching arcane
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y'all i'm only on the second ep of s4 so don't say anything but five x lila is looking to be more and more canon with each slightly spoilery post i see on my dash
#y'all....#don't ask why it's taking me so long so finish a SIX EPISODE season#i'mma tell y'all anyway heheh#i'm watching with my sister so we only watch like one a day before it gets late so we won't go to bed scared#i'm actually not hating the first two eps but i did see someone say that it peaked in ep 2 so we'll see#trust this will be reblogged when i eventually get to the inevitable five x lila stuff#the umbrella academy#five hargreeves#lila hargreeves#umbrella academy#tua
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The weather was supposed to be bucketing rain today and I got lucky, while I was outside today it didn't rain on me, except for once. The bus had pulled up at the mall (where it starts its run) and let the previous passengers off. So I pull up my hood and go stand in the line.
The first few to get on had gold cards (In NZ if you are over 65 you get one, benefits include free public transport at off peak times). Then came a youngish dude who wanted to use his bus card. The driver told him he had to wait as he needed to change over the bus info (i.e. numbers on banners, data for card readers).
So he waited, as did the man behind him who technically could have gotten on with his gold card, as did me, my mum and another couple of people. It's maybe 3 or 4 meters (10-13 feet) between the sheltered seats and the bus. The driver obviously knew we were waiting and therefore would not leave without us. I amend my statement, young dude waited maybe 15 seconds before letting himself onto the bus and sitting down.
Driver asked what he was doing as he'd told dude to wait. Dude said he didn't want to stand in the rain. I repeat it's a mild drizzle, and did I mention we live in a place known for bad weather? Older gentleman that was behind the young dude asked what he was doing to, dude said getting out of the rain. Driver asked him who he thought he was. Dude said he was sick and didn't want to be in the rain. Older gentleman asked why wasn't he at home if he was so sick. Dude said he was on his way to the docs and was adamant he'd done the right thing. I repeat the sheltered seats are a hop, skip and a jump from the bus.
Anyway it took less than a minute for the driver to switch the system then, after letting the rest of us on, he went and had a smoke in the sheltered area so we were like 3 minutes late leaving. Tell you what, I have never been less annoyed by someone smoking. Why would you show a bus driver such disrespect? I mean I've seen worse but like, this individual is driving you somewhere that you can't get yourself.
Long story short, please be nice to your bus drivers and train conductors etc.
#ramble ramble ramble#before bed thoughts#all three guys were white for context#that particular bus driver has had some awful passengers that I've seen#and they wonder why there's a shortage of bus drivers#and when the guy got off he called out thanks to the driver#which we do in my city#but like why not sorry#did I do anything else today#not really#watched some classic Criminal Minds#queued a post#took cute photos of REDACTED
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and then no one said anything about the fact that if i watched ONE MORE episode tenax pulls a "i'm not angry i'm just disappointed i'm hurt" about scorpus signing with the white faction.
#do you see the vision here <- guy who has a watch rate of one episode per month#oh the implications of scorpus not being there for tenax in his time of need... the death of the child who is not but is symbolically their#is that a separate fic completely yes but it is ALSO in some ways a divorce fic. tenax like i needed you but scorpus also needing him#OH MY GOD THEY LITERALLY DO SAY FELIX WAS HIM and i can do SO much with the concept of a “stray”. oh please. please strays instead of rats#one knife to the ribs one fixed race one apartment board THAT'S A STORYLINE BABY RISE OR DIE THE ROMAN WAYYYYYY#i do see your calla/tenax storylines i do. i could be swayed but we are not here for that currently this is the same as the chariot racing#like i KNOW what i said about the gold faction representing everything that scares scorpus a dream he never thought they'd reach#and then to have it ripped away now he no longer even has the dream untarnished i do understand. which is why the “i'm disappointed”#kills me even MORE because it shows he gets it. like on some level he does understand why scorpus had to but it's his pride that's wounde#so to continue from what i WAS saying with:#sets the bar so low because how else would tenax love him (as if tenax would not do the same thing if he lost) and they have even MORE#questionable celebratory reward sex. yes i assigned scorpus a degradation/praise kink the world works in wondrous ways don't question it#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#tenax making sure to care for the kids is what's killing me too because i REALLY want to draw a parallel with scorpus making sure he takes#care of the prostitutes. yes he's a notorious hedonist yes he has a lot of sex but he always pays well doesn't he. over-well. he pays too#much and ends up in debt he pays enough to buy girls freedom. so that they only have to if they want to. it gets him a reputation sure AND#it gets whole houses of girls under his (and therefore tenax's) protection. you can't bruise her up; that's scorpus' favorite girl.#she can charge more for being favored. he can pay for massive parties where no one else is invited and if he falls asleep midway drunk#off his ass after a race the girls would never say. they still get paid. if tenax comes to watch and give instructions they'd never say.#if tenax tells them all to leave and it's just him and scorpus in the golden room and all the girls see before they shut the door#and latch it behind them is scorpus on his knees in the soft plush cushions with tenax offering him grapes one by one from his fingertips#like a favored concubine instead of the champion whose laurels are tilted on his head they won't say a word. not even when the noise#inside the room continues for long after the hour runs out the girls still stand watch until it's quiet and then crawl back in around where#scorpus is alone in the big wrecked bed with a smear of blood or wine on his mouth who could say. certainly they wouldn't.#no matter what they still get paid. whether they did the work to wreck him or not.#ANYWAY#they take care of the selves they couldn't protect is what i'm trying to say. for tenax it's the child he was/scorpus it's the body he sold#only he hasn't stopped having to sell it. & i guess as we're learning with the extortion tenax is still a child running from a burning hous
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first time ever fainting and it happened at 1am when i am home alone and on the other side of the house from my phone. dont especially love that for me!
#PLS DONT WORRY i am fine. i think it was standing up quickly while watching a lifeguard rescue video asdghk#my rescue career nipped in the bud!!#i was in the kitchen having just let puppy outside when my vision started greying out and i became dizzy#i was able to sit down and then lay down on the floor before i actually passed out#i was only out for a few seconds i think but i did actually lose consciousness bc for a moment i didnt know why i was on the floor :|#but it mustve only been a second or two bc puppy was still sniffing me#i broke out in a cold sweat and just laid there for a couple minutes (& puppy laying next to me) and now im completely fine#but that was a bit scary. i gotta say. that's never happened to me before.#ive had some close calls a couple times when getting blood drawn but this was so sudden slghjlskhgj#in the video i was watching they were rescuing a girl with a spinal injury :\ and she was screaming in pain :\#the other rescues in the video were mostly wholesome and then that suddenly happened :\#in case anyone was wondering whether i would be helpful in a medical emergency! pls do not count on me alsdghksdlg#my sisters know this already unfortch#ANYWAY i will not be watching those anymore. im going to watch some baby animal videos or smth now and go to bed
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Seeing the same people who perpetuated or sent vicious misogynistic hate to Hannah Schmitz, as well as disgusting racist abuse towards Yuki and Alex because of FUCKING CONSPIRACY THEORIES and those who just straight up ignored it, now up in arms regarding whatever the fuck is going on between the FIA and the wolffs is beginning to piss me off. Because now that it's not someone red bull affiliated involved, it's somehow now unacceptable.
#f1#formula 1#formula one#who knows wtf is going on not the fia and not the teams but anyways#i will say toto needs to be investigated because of previous info breaches#but I've been saying that for years long before F1 academy was ever a thing#there's just been too many instances of him having info he shouldn't and things quietly and quickly changing for his benefit#I'm tired and stressed with trying to finish everything up for the semester hence why I've been less active#but this is just pissing me off#i never forgot or forgave the bs and abuse hannah yuki and alex got and i won't ever forget or forgive#i remember after monaco 22 i saw the anti red bull gang were claiming toto fucked up by “allowing' alex the Williams seat#apparently it was alexs fault ferrari fucked up and red bull were turning the tide smh#the bullshit ted began about hannah and yuki he will never see heaven i swear#and i know not everyone calling out the situation partook in the aforementioned but I'm seeing certain people who did#and they don't seem to notice their hypocrisy or double standards#anyway i get my one annoyed post that I'll probably delete later but at least I've got it out and can now return to watching the clown show#and ignore those with doublestandards#anyways bed now because i think I'm slowly losing my mind#it's not a good sign when you hear the imperial march in your head when thinking of college work is it
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Finishing the Dark Knight and cannot stop laughing: Nolan's ability to finish a movie is like Sting's ability to finish a song.
#it just goes on and on and on with a slow gradual fadeout#it was the same issue in dunkirk#i get it finishing beloved things is so very hard you're like what last bit of preach can i squeeze in here? was it sufficiently hammered i#i have moments of *total* absorption and breathlessness then slammed in the face with this weird stiff dialogue; nolan does *so well* -#-in those mad sequences with next to no dialogue#kidlet has committed to watching the nolan back catalogue with me so expect random nolan commentary for a bit while we mother-son bond#even kid was going 'why are they still talking??? didn't this movie finishhhhh? i wanna watch tmnt'#i am attempting to build myself up to nolan's cm vehicle because it ain't my usual taste#you could parody a nolan film in a skit of a triumphal ending that just doesn't end. i feel like i've seen this before#load blown man you can't stay in there forever#makes movies instead of sex#such a sexless movie the dark knight. like the most physical chemistry was between joker and dent#even batman's weird idolisation of dent was so marble-statue pure of course the man could only live up to it while safely dead#the second-most physical chemistry was between fox and alfred and they don't even share a scene together#'not my diagnosis' what did nolan offer to get cm out of bed for that one
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Whaaat the fuck why did this episode make me feel physically ill 😭
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stumbles out of we solved fnaf and we're not kidding covered inblood
#i watched all of matpat's reactions to it and i agree with his thoughts on it for the most part#i LOVE that that video exists i really admire people who are willing to start from scratch and reevaluate info the fandom has considered#set-in-stone bcuz i think esp with something like fnaf thats really important. to just take a step back and be like#''we all consider this canon at this point but is it actually? is there really no other explanation?''#and yeah i really admire that ability to just totally take a big swing and go against everything that's been considered well and done#its literally um. almost 6am (insert fnaf joke here) and i still havent gone to bed so. im not gonna write out all my thoughts#BUT. i think cassidy being the crying child is rlly interesting and simplifies things in a way i like while also making other things#way more complicated. so i dont really know. the michael being the vengeful spirit part i do NOT agree with#i get where they were going but a lot of their evidence isnt great and additionally i just dont like the idea bcuz it turns the ending#of pizzeria simulator and UCN from a bittersweet conclusion to a far less satisfying and more bummer ending where its just mike#torturing his dad forever and never getting to move on himself. like no that guy is chillin in the afterlife playing cards with henry#they did point out a lot of other cool stuff too that i hadnt really thought about before like michael in sister location being#stuffed into the same fredbear suit that he put the crying child into. thats soooooo fucking good and makes a lot of sense#again im not gonna go into every little thing but the one thing i disagreed with matpat on which the comment section also#mentioned repeatedly is him saying that he doesnt think william would send michael to his death. as everyone has pointed out#like....... he definitely would. hes like the worst father ever and michael is the scapegoat child who everything is blamed on#yes theres the question of why he would wait so long to ''punish'' michael. but its moreso just that william didnt CARE if michael lived#or died sending him to circus baby's. i really don't think that was a stretch considering william's horrible abusive behavior and literal#status as a serial killer. yeah its fucked up but its definitely not out of the realm of possibility#ANYWAYS. holy fuck i need to go to bed. wild life tomorrow. good night everyone#infizero.txt
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I was pretty proud of myself for getting through this day so well (first time one of our cats had to have surgery), BUT it's 4am and it's really hitting me now 🙃
#feel like I would be sobbing if my anxiety meds didn't make that.. not harder exactly just. less likely#and I also remembered that I did take lorazepam before going to bed last night specifically because I knew I'd be a mess otherwise...#but yeaaah I just wanna cry now#it's been so hard. the cat is fine. but he's got 20 fewer teeth now and it feels bad#he's in pain and he's grumpy because he doesn't understand why we did that to him and also his brother wouldn't stop hissing at him all day#because he smells wrong and that's been stupidly hard on me#like. those are my babies. they can't be mad at each other??? it scares me. it's not the way it is. it's wrong and I don't like it#also... if I'm being honest I was also quite unsettled by how different he smells so I can understand that. I don't like it but I get it#that's still your brother though you big dumb guy 😭 be nice to him he has barely any teeth left 😭😭😭#I don't liiiike this#I hope they'll get along better again tomorrow bc seriously I can't take this. it's breaking my heart#well I wasn't a mess today but now I definitely am#AND I've got a fucking doctors appointment tomorrow 😭 so I can't even stay on the couch mindlessly watching YouTube all day#life is too hard and I am a big baby and I can't handle it#personal
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Bad day. Horrible awful terrible bad day
#there’s not even a reason. nothing bad has actually happened#it just FUCKING SUCKS#I want to walk into a lake and never come back#I want to take my brain out of my skull and throw it at a wall and watch it splatter#I know today sucks because I’m so tense and upset that my back HURTS so fucking bad#cuz when this happens I tense up and my back muscles decide to coil around my spine and squeeze like a starving snake#it’s spreading through my shoulders and even to my chest which is a first#I just 😭😭😭 I want to go home except home also sucks cuz roommate#and I know he’ll be out in a few days but that feels like forever#and I’m so tired and I’m so upset and I want to curl up in a ball and cry and hide from the world#but I’m working a 7 day stretch at my job#and I have to transfer the power and internet to my name sometime before Wednesday#and I’m so sick of takeout the idea of eating it makes me want to vomit but I can’t physically bring myself to cook while they’re there#and I just. ugh. UGH#I’m so sick of existing#why does my life only allow me small handfuls of months at a time#where I’m not living in some form of disaster and stressed to all hell and back and just wanting to lay down and die#what did I do so wrong. what have I done to deserve all this shit#in my short terrible miserable fucking life#whatever I’ll just go home and stare at the wall#and then go to bed and come to work and come to work and come to work there’s always going to work#I’m going to fucking scream I hate my brain#why can’t it just regulate itself in a normal way cuz that’s the thing I know I’m being insane and nothing is actually this bad#but man if it doesn’t fucking feel that way#and being aware I’m being batshit really doesn’t make it better actually I think it makes it worse#kaz rambles
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i am soooo good at getting emotional over children's media but not in a fandom way in like a. oh god i care about people so much way
#its shel silverstein this time kldfjhd#watched a good vid essay abt his work and going through the comments of the vid and oughh theyre getting me to tears actually#ive gotten this emotional abt dragon tales and fraggle rock before lol#idk man maybe im super sappy but i find myself so very touched by media made for kids that is made with a genuine care#whether its a desire to teach people how to deal with emotions. to “end wars” in fraggle rock's case iirc#or just having such a respect for kids to want them to have these profound messages that stick with them into adulthood#ogh. ogggh. maybe this is why im an education major lol#rando thoughtz#edit additions bc im thinking abt it now after i already hit post#silverstein's poem Whatif like. particularly hit me hard rn when i heard it now#bc im like. well not to divulge into in a public setting but ive been really struggling with anxiety lately#its been p fucking bad#and that poem was like. ah thats literally how its been for me so many times ive been left alone with my thoughts in my bed#and it was like that a lot as a kid too ngl. so it makes me a little sad that i dont think i ever read that one as a kid#or if i did i didnt remember it. but its here for me now and its. comforting to have what ive been going through be in text for kids
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This damn show is reminding me why I hate looking into mirrors
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