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vexedtonightmares · 4 years ago

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hey :) do you mind sharing some more about the skam austin panel today?

yeah for sure!! i’ll put what i remember under the keep reading tab for ppl who wanna hear about it :) i only went to the panel, not the rewatch (bc money lmao) so there are probably some other things they talked about that i missed, but i’m sure there are other ppl on here that can fill you in on any gaps that i miss!

it was valeria (jo), julie (megan), and lakeisha* (shay), and pedro (p jo) on the panel (he was the moderator, the other three did most of the talking), though they did mention other castmates throughout :,)

*lakeisha was the name they went by on the panel, and in the info before the panel it said they use they/them pronouns, so that’s how i’ll be referring to them throughout this

all of them started out by talking about what they’re doing currently, julie said she’s dropping out of school because her therapist told her “you as a person matters more than you as a student” which i thought was a great sentiment as well

lakeisha said they’ve been making a lot of clothes and music (also throughout the whole thing they kept showing us their shoes and they left to pee like halfway through something they were answering one time hfjskaj)

they then talked about their audition processes (val had the most chaotic series of audtions omg i would love to see her audition tapes)

val originally read for either jo or megan, and she had literally just moved there like right before casting and almost didn’t go to her audition

she said that she decided to be the loudest person in the room so that they couldn’t ignore her, and that carried her through most of the rounds of auditioning

she said that at the end she said “if you don’t choose me, which you should choose me, but if you don’t, please choose another latinx actress because you have no idea how much it means to see someone who looks like you on screen”

julie auditioned because she was hoping julie (andem) would bring lisa and tarjei and she basically wanted a free meet and greet djkfshk

she found out about skam og on tumblr !! she’s one of us 😌

she thinks julie andem is the coolest person in the world

they told her that she was pretty much everything they envisioned megan to be, so they cast her fairly early on and then had her partner with the marlon prospects

giovanni, who eventually played tyler, auditioned for marlon and they kissed during their audition even though they weren’t supposed to

julie went to high school with till who ended up playing marlon and people would always ask her what it was like to get to make out with him and she was just like .... we just working bruh

lakeisha found the ad to audition on instagram and decided why not because it said it was a paid job

they looked up a bunch of improv games the night before because they had no experience and had no idea what they were doing

in the audition julie asked what the tattoos on their hand meant (and also the one thing lakeisha was excited about being out of contract was that they could get as many tattoos as they wanted without asking for permission)

they all had a lot of love for julie andem and loved working with her

val said that she’d always try to make julie laugh and she said that julie is the reason og and austin are so good, because it’s her story and her vision

they roasted the shit out of fb too (as they should)

basically fb ghosted them and never renewed the show but also never cancelled it so technically they don’t even know if anyone else could get the rights to reboot the show somewhere else (lakeisha said ‘skam austin onlyfans’ lmao)

i don’t remember which one of them said it but they said fb is like an inconsistent dad lollll

they also think that fb sort of finessed julie/her team because they were under the impression that it would be like og where they had their own website for the show and everything, but then it ended up just being a facebook page

they also filmed promo for season 1 that never ended up being used but they don’t know why

lakeisha felt super disrespected by the fact that not only did they not get their season, but also the fact that they just dropped the show like it was nothing and none of them even found out that they probably weren’t getting more seasons until they saw that their instagram accounts were gone

everyone was upset about the igs getting deleted too because they put so much work into the content on there for it all to just disappear

val said “no one tells a story like the one that was about to be told” and everyone agreed

val said that if the show would have continued, jo would have been undocumented and they would have shown her trying to navigate college (not only were we robbed of a jo season, we were robbed of college seasons 😤)

jo x jo were definitely going to be a thing

val said that when they wrapped s2 she was like finally!!! because now they could get into the stories that they really wanted to tell and really knew would make a difference (everyone vehemently agreed)

they were proud of the fact that they’re the most diverse cast and that they don’t just treat the characters of color like sidekicks like the other remakes do

julie talked about how skam france was the only remake to have jonas not accept isak right away when he was coming out and how it was suspicious that he happened to be the only non white jonas and that was the choice they made

val said that druck is the only remake she’s watched but she likes it

they also talked about how, even though it’s great that the cast was so diverse, practically everyone behind the scenes was white

val said that she didn’t really think about it much at the time because she found it hard to speak up since she was very young and inexperienced but looking back she wishes jo’s body wasn’t so fetishized as a latina (she didn’t clarify whether she was talking on a production level or within the fandom, but she talked about costuming so i assumed she meant more on a production level)

they all wished there was more representation off screen as well as on

shay x megan was brought up and julie said that shay was going to have her own love interest (am!even !!!!) come season three, and that it wouldn’t have been megan

she also said that megan was mostly just confused and like ‘haha i kiss girls when i’m drunk’ but then she also said that megan and shay never had feelings for each other at the same time so 👀

she was upset that they made megan and marlon get back together at the end of season 2 because she wasn’t a fan of them together, but she said it also makes sense because a lot of teen girls go back to their toxic exes even when they know it’s not good for them

lakeisha said that they hated shay’s acrylic nails because it didn’t make sense to them for her to have them (especially since shay was a musician)

they also said that they’ve been pretty confident and open with their sexuality since they were around 12, and that one time in middle school they dated a boy because he had an xbox and then they were like oh no is this toxic am i using him because he actually has feelings for me?? hdskafja

they also said that the cfgc music happened because they heard that the boys from og also had a song and at first i was like wtf are they talking about but now i think they meant the penetrator song 💀💀

julie has a cfgc shirt :,) and they all stole a bunch of clothes and stuff from set, val said she took a bunch of outfits that jo never wore which makes her sad to think about now

val’s favorite scene to film was the car scene in s1 before the party (she said it was one of the best moments of her life) and julie said she liked that one as well (val said there’s a shot of her looking into the camera and flipping it off but they didn’t include it in the show, i feel robbed)

people asked how it felt for lakeisha to be the first lesbian isak and they said that they didn’t feel like they were, because they didn’t really get the chance :(( but they also said that the idea itself was very intimidating and there was a lot of pressure around it

they also said that they and gio were very very close both on screen and off, they said it wasn’t even like they were an extension of one person, that’s how close they got

there were a lot of improvised scenes, particularly with val, and she also said that incorporating spanish into jo’s dialogue was mostly improvised

julie, val, and pedro also all talked about how they’re all mexican, and how each of their life experiences vary so much from one another, on the show and off and julie said megan’s upbringing was a lot like hers

they all also said that they liked the music the show used and a lot of them have emotional attachments to a lot of the songs

val said she wishes they used more frank ocean and i agree

they also said they’re not sure if there are bloopers or anything, but they’d love to see them if there are

i’m trying to think of anything i missed ahhh i feel like they talked about so much but i think i’ve got the key points soooo

that’s all !!! hope this was interesting to ppl who still care about austin like i do :,))

#skam austin #asks

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i-am-just-a-kiddo · 3 years ago

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Fic Writer Interview Meme

tagged by dear @vishcount 💕 am sending you a lot of love because you are doing amazing, even if it doesn’t feel like it. don’t be so harsh on yourself. and thank you for the tag, I did my best.

tagging @cortue, @intyalote, @the-cloud-whisperer, @not-saying-revolution-but and every writer that sees this and wants to do it!

I was rambling again so there’s the usual cut

name: here just kiddo please - iamjustakiddo on ao3

fandoms: just for shits and giggles am gonna try and list all the fandoms i’ve written for? roughly chronologically speaking, my first fic was for Kuroshitsuji and the we go to Harry Potter, SKAM, Narnia, Sherlock Holmes (unpublished), Peter Pan (unpublished) - I don’t write for any of these anymore? except for Narnia which I might return to when the mood hits. I’ve written a ton for BTS and The Untamed, and still wish to write more for Nirvana in Fire. I’ve also written for Winter Begonia, Hwarang and YYY: The Series. Current WIPs are Word Of Honor, The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, Original Sin - none of those will probably see the light of day. I’ve also had thoughts of writing for Killer and Healer, Strangers from Hell and Avatar: The Last Airbender.

two-shot: hmm I guess my two oneshots for YYY could count as a two shot? am not sure, but I simply had different ideas and seperated them instead of writing one coherent oneshot.

most popular multi-chapter fic: my BTS Mafia AU Take Me Into Your Skin. I’m quite proud of this one because it was my first ever multichaptered story back when I wrote it in 2018 and it turned out to be over 160k words long, which is just wild? I guess I cringe at it a lot and I would change a lot about it now, but am still proud of it because I had a lot of fun and am still fond of the story. (Statistics - Subscriptions: 144 / Hits: 18319 / Kudos: 519 / Comment Threads: 83 / Bookmarks: 295)

actual worst part of writing: everything currently. I feel a little bit like an imposter doing these games right now, cause I haven’t written anything that I’m truly proud of recently (or like, this past year I guess). This slump is very hard to get out of. Under normal circumstances, the worst part of writing is when I know what I wanna write but it doesn’t come out? and when every sentence just sounds horrible and not at all how I imagined. Also the physical act of writing is difficult because I get tired so easily and when I don’t manage to get into hyperfocus and a nice flow, it’s just exhausting.

also coming up with summaries, fuck that.

how you choose your titles: i’m very basic and usually use some quotes or lyrics, but recently I’ve been trying to be more creative with my titles? I need to exercise that because I truly wanna learn how to come up with my own titles that sound nice. I suck at them so much

do you outline: absolutely. my memory sucks badly so I always try to keep an overview in my notebooks because I can’t trust my brain to remember all the important details I come up with. Working with notes is also so freeing because I’m free to do anything I want and don’t need to worry about actually writing it? I like having visuals for my stories so it feels like an anchor I can hold on to when I’m lost.

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: oh boy this is difficult, because I don’t have specifics for any of these ideas and that’s why I never get around to do them? I guess bringing my Wen Kexing and Wang Zhi character studies into shape is the most doable project rn. I would also love to finish my Original Sin fic because I really want to write a proper case-fic with actual plot but am just so stuck on that and too stupid for my own criminal cases so currently I’ve put that on hold.

An idea that I’ve had for years now is a Sokka/Suki/Toph future fic? I would ignore what happens in LOK and for some reason I’m stuck on the thought that I want to explore this OT3? I want to explore how in their adult lives, they would fit together and especially how Toph could work as addition to the relationship Sokka und Suki have? I would love to explore the individual relationships they have with each other but I’m also very nervous about it because I’ve never written for ATLA and I don’t know if I can explore this properly.

another idea that’s been on my mind ever since Singularity dropped is a taegi Dorian Gray AU? I’ve already done a little bit of research about 19th century Korea and Korean portrait paintings because of course, I would wanna make it as historically accurate as I can manage but honestly, I feel this project is quite hopeless. I think I also have very conflicting ideas about how I should do this and if it’s even a good idea to realise.

Recently I’ve been thinking about writing a slow-burn enemies to lovers adventure story because I have Cravings. I don’t know if this would be an original project or some type of AU for some fandom, but I just really want to write about two people on opposite sides clashing together and having to work together, forming a reluctant bond and just. exploring the progress of that? Maybe there would be horses, probably historical, or maybe fantasy? I have no idea, I just wish I could write something like this some day.

callouts @ me: stop being pretentious. not everything needs to be existential dread. don’t project all your issues into every character you write. not every sentence you write needs to be a Masterpiece and sometimes less is more. bring more structure to your stories instead of just aimlessly drifting. learn grammar for god’s sake.

best writing traits: i have no idea sorry. maybe that I heavily rely on my empathy? but i truly do not know.

spicy tangential opinion: I don’t have any spicy opinions I think? Just do what you enjoy. Write what you want, you can worry about what to with it after. If you want to get rid of thoughts just do it. Don’t think about how it looks to other people, because unless you show it someone, it’s your art. It’s okay if it takes time, even if it’s frustrating. Pressure doesn’t help with creating art so maybe allow it to grow organically. is this spicy enough yet? don’t let people tell you you are less of a writer because you do things differently. there are methods, ideas, guides, advice - but there shouldn’t be rules to what makes you writer. everyone works differently. and to everyone who struggles - i know it sucks but as long as you find joy in writing, it’s not hopeless. sometimes things need a break or sometimes it needs a different shape and that’s okay ❤ did I reach the level of spiciness required here?

summing up, I just wanna send strength to all writers out there because oh boy do we need it! and sending a lot of gratitude to all the fic-writers out there that have made my nights and days more enjoyable by sharing their passion.

#thank you dear #i know we are both frustrated lately but we will get there #i believe in you #and i try to believe in myself too #it's fine #and doing things like these might be motivating?#or bring things into perspective #anyway #here i go #tag game #personal #writing

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crowleying · 5 years ago

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Dirty little secret | f! reader

Date: 10.04.2020

Pairing: Christoffer Schistad x Reader

Reader's pronouns: she/her

Words: 2.205

Fandom: SKAM

Characters: Reader, Christoffer Schistad, William Magnusson, Noora Amalie Sætre, Eva Kviig Mohn

Genre: Romance

Length: Oneshot

Warnings: Angst and fluff

Requested by anon

Request: WOW you write for SKAM! 😭 could you write something like: Reader and Chris are dating but she wants to keep it secret because of his reputation and he's annoyed so they fight, he flirts with girls to piss her off, they're on and off, very good or terrible, constantly and then he leaves for army and they solve nothing so when he comes for break they want to reconcile and fix everything. With prompts: 142, 160, 167, 178. Thanks! ❤

Prompts: 142. “I’m lost without you.”

160. “Just smile. I really need you to smile right now.”

167. “Please tell me it’s going to be okay.”

178. “You’ve shown me what love can feel like.”

Summary: You don’t want to tell anyone that you are in a relationship with Chris. This annoys him and you’re always fighting about it.

A/N: I’m sorry for taking so long but I’m happy I was finally able to write it. I wrote it in one go, which is very unusual for me but I really needed it because all I’m doing this days is studying. So thank you for the request!

English is not my first language so feel free to correct any mistake and I would love to know what do you think about it. REQUESTS ARE OPEN. I posted a List of prompts, so check it out! Let me know if you would like to be tagged in my works.

IF YOU LIKE MY WORKS, PLEASE REBLOG THEM

Masterlist

Ao3

[ID: a black and white gif. Chris Schistad, with a Penetrators hoodie and his backpack on his shoulder, walking by Eva and looking at her. She is giving us the back, she has her backpack on and she turns to look at him. End ID.]

You were leaning against the wall enclosing the school while waiting for your friends and you couldn’t take your eyes off your boyfriend who was talking with the other Penetrators across the courtyard. He flashed you some of his charming smiles from time to time and you couldn’t avoid smiling back and blushing. You were so caught up in your interaction that you didn’t notice your best friend.

“You’re staring” she pointed out almost as a greeting.

“Hello to you” you shot back smiling at her.

“You know, I don’t understand why you want to keep it secret, it’s not like anyone could really miss you smiling to each other all the times with heart-shaped eyes” Noora commented.

You shook your head. “I’ve told you already. Chris has an awful reputation and you more than anyone else should understand” you replied giving her a knowing look.

“Should I?” she asked smiling and waving at William, her boyfriend and Chris’ best friend.

Your eyebrows shot up and she couldn’t ignore your gaze anymore. “What? I’m past that, now everyone knows we are together and we are happy” she said while you caught sight of William and Chris leaving their friends and making their way towards the two of you.

“Hey” William said before taking Noora by the hips and kissing her while Chris shot a look that screamed ‘we could be that happy’. You averted your gaze and cleared your voice. They both got the hint and parted but didn’t let each other go.

“Isn’t it a wonderful day to let the world know of your relationship so that you too can kiss each other without bothering us every time we do so?” William asked you with a cheeky smile. That earned him a glare from you.

Noora and William, being respectively your and Chris’ best friends were the only two to know about your relationship but you were regretting letting them know since they both pushed you to let everyone know. You suspected Chris was behind all of this.

Before you could say anything you were joined by your other friends who were completely oblivious of the whole situation.

“Just think about it” he said briefly before kissing Noora on the lips.

“Let’s go Chris, bye girls.”

You didn’t miss the wink Chris sent Eva’s way and she didn’t either. As soon as the two weren’t in earshot, she let out a cry. “Oh my God, he winked at me!”

You were fuming and Noora shot you a glance. You didn’t react but for the rest of the day you said two words at most and that dark look didn’t leave you. It grew even worse as Chris seemed to be flirting with every girl that passed by and especially with Eva. You didn’t know if you hated him more because he was hurting you or because he was leading her on when she actually liked him.

It went on for the whole week and you just couldn’t take it anymore so you decided you wouldn’t go to the party one of his friends would host on Saturday. You couldn’t watch him flirting with every single girl in the house for the whole night.

No matter how many times Noora tried to convince you to go, you were even more stubborn than she was.

When you heard the bell ringing at ten you thought it was her, both your parents and your brother had the keys so it couldn’t be them. Annoyed you stopped the film you were watching and got up from the bed.

“Noora, I’m not coming to that stupid party” you shouted while reaching the door but when you opened it you found Chris instead.

“What are you doing here? My parents could be at home!”

“Noora told me they went out.”

You cursed her.

“Are you already tired of Eva?” you asked rolling your eyes but leaving the door open for him to come in while you went to the kitchen to put on the kettle.

He entered and closed the door behind, following you inside.

“You know it’s not-” he started only to be interrupted by you.

“I know and it pisses me off because she really likes you and you’re playing with her feelings, just like you’re doing with mine, like you do with everyone’s” you lashed out turning to look at him.

He raised his hands surrendering.

“I know I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry” he said calmly.

“You’re sorry? You’re sorry? How many times have I heard it before?” you asked rhetorically turning to put the water in the kettle and putting it on the cooker.

“It’s just- I was angry, ok? I was angry because you want to keep me as your dirty little secret so that your good girl reputation isn’t stained by mine.”

“That’s not why. You know why and it’s not like you ever try to prove me wrong, is it?” you retorted facing him, your tone now calmer.

He pressed his lips together and inspired. You were right and there was no denying it. “Fine, you’re right. I’m sorry and I’ll try to prove you that I really am changed” he said taking a couple of steps towards you. You relaxed accepting it. You would have to do with it for the time being even though you knew it wouldn’t last long.

You nodded and he hugged you.

It was always like this between the two of you. It had begun almost one year ago. You asked him to keep it secret for a while and he accepted if you let him tell it to William. You agreed but after sometime he eventually became tired of the situation and started pushing you to let everyone know. When you refused he started flirting with everyone he laid his eyes on just to piss you off. That time you almost broke up but then he pleaded you not to and you decided to give him another chance and for some time everything was great but then it happened again and again and again. You had become so used to it by now that you were always ready. You didn’t know how it could still be working between the two of you but somehow it did.

The next couple of weeks were great, you spent almost every day together when you weren’t at school, he didn’t seem to have eyes for anyone but you, he had completely forgot about Eva.

She didn’t understand what had happened to make him change so suddenly and she was talking about it with the girls for the umpteenth time. You weren’t really listening.

“I need to go to the toilet” you stated getting up from your spot on the windowsill. They barely nodded before bringing their attention back to Eva.

You were tired of listening to her talking about your boyfriend. You were so lost in your thought about him that you didn’t notice a door on you left flying open before someone pulled you in and closed the door. You were ready to fight but you recognized Chris and give him a small push on the chest.

“What are you doing?” you whispered hardly keeping from smiling.

“I missed you” he said pulling you in a heated kiss you couldn’t resist. Your arms went around his neck without you even noticing.

He pushed you against a desk. You sat on it and he made his way between your legs and started kissing your neck. You knew very well where he wanted to go but you put a hand against his chest and pushed.

“Chris, we can’t, we are at school” you reminded him biting your lower lip trying not to smile.

“I don’t care” he muttered against your skin.

“I know but I do” you said giggling. He pulled back. “I know you do, you always do” he replied bitterly and you knew you were back to fighting.

“Chris, please” you whispered tiredly. You didn’t want to fight but he apparently did. “No Y/N, I am the one pleading you. We have been together for almost a year and you still don’t want people to know” he pointed out.

“Because you haven’t changed as you always promise me to” you retorted hopping off the desk.

“I have changed; I’ve been only with you this whole time, why can’t you see it? Why don’t you understand that since you’ve shown me what love can feel like I don’t care for anyone else?” he asked, a pained look on his beautiful face. The bell rang.

“Because you keep flirting with everyone” you replied shaking your head and feeling the tears coming to your eyes. Without giving him the time to reply you left, not wanting to cry in front of him.

After that you didn’t see each other for weeks. He had exams and you kept to yourself; even Noora didn’t see you all that much, you didn’t really feel like staying with the girls.

As hard as you tried, however, you couldn’t ditch that damn party at William’s to celebrate the end of the school. You knew there would be no avoiding Chris there. As soon as you walked in you spotted him but you were able to go unseen for a whole hour before he found you in the kitchen grabbing the third beer of the night.

“We need to talk” he said right away.

You hesitated.

“Please” he insisted and he seemed almost desperate. You nodded and left the unopened bottle on the counter following him out of the flat and then the palace.

You stopped only once you were in the street and waited for him to talk.

“I... I’m sorry for saying it now that we’re not even speaking but I didn’t want to leave without telling you” he began and a shiver went down your back. You didn’t know it was for the chilly air or if was for his words.

“Leave? What do you mean? Where are you going?” you asked bringing you arms around yourself to fend the cold off. You hadn’t thought of taking your jacket with you.

He took his off and put it on your shoulders.

“I decided to join the army” he said and the world around you started spinning incredibly fast.

You felt the words getting stuck in your throat and tears came to your eyes instead.

“Why?” you finally managed to whisper.

“I want to get my head together and take my time to decide what to do afterwards” he said getting closer to you and putting his hands on your arms.

“It is not your fault” he added guessing your thoughts. Your tears started flowing and he hugged you.

“When are you leaving?” you whispered.

“In two days.”

“Two days?” you asked faintly.

“I’m sorry” he whispered squeezing you to his chest.

“Please tell me it’s going to be okay” you pleaded him. You knew it wouldn’t change anything but you needed to hear that from him.

“It’s going to be ok, I promise” he said and you nodded.

He pulled apart and looked at you. “Please don’t cry” he said drying your tears delicately with his thumbs.

“Just smile. I really need you to smile right now. I will need to think of your wonderful smile when I will be away and missing you.”

You tried to do your best but only managed to smile weakly. He smiled back and pulled you back in the hug.

Months had gone by and you still missed him as much as you did the first day. You didn’t know how it was possible. Before he left you both decided it would be better not staying in contact but you regretted it now. Not knowing how he was doing was killing you; the only news being those William passed you through Noora. It was her who told you he was back. She barely had the time to finish the sentence before you ended the call and put your jacket on leaving the house without bothering telling anyone where you were going.

You ran all the way there and when you finally got to the door you were spent. Still out of breath you rang the bell. You didn’t need to wait too long for the door to open showing an extremely surprised Chris.

“How...?” he began but he was interrupted by William. “Oh, wow, that was quick” he commented seeing you. “I’ll leave you two alone” he said winking at you.

“Thanks” you whispered, a small smile on your lips.

“We’ll see soon, yeah?” he asked Chris who nodded, still a little bit confused.

William left and you followed Chris inside.

Chris closed the door and as soon as he turned you hugged him.

“Please don’t leave ever again, I’ll tell the world that we are together, I’ll put banners around the city if I can get you to stay” you blurted out making him laugh. He hugged you back.

“So we are back together?” he asked and you nodded without hesitation. “I’m lost without you” you admitted.

“Oh God, I love you and I’m not leaving again” he said looking you in the eyes before kissing you deeply.

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grapefrutjuce · 4 years ago

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The first thing is to do with Amira’s outing of Kasim. I don’t blame Amira for this - I blame the writers. The second is the delicate situation that Amira and Dani find themselves in. Tons of rambling, again.

Is there a realistic, plausible circumstance where she might have outed Kasim in some fashion? Perhaps. I generally tend to thing it’s a bit out of character, but let’s say it could happen. People make mistakes, and that is indeed a Big Mistake. My issue is with the way it was framed.

As many people have pointed out, the moment of her decision to implore Dounia to check on Kasim while he was at home with Lucas was basically tension-free. Dounia wasn’t being angry or wrathful, and her gist of the situation was basically accurate. What did Amira have to gain in that moment by choosing to STILL push Dounia to find Kasim, at that exact time? I mean, by that point Dounia was accepting of Dani and Amira and the tone was mostly conciliatory. Amira could have let bygones be bygones for the sake of the friendship. Case CLOSED.

Instead, Amira’s actions came across as quite vengeful and calculating. Maybe if it had been in the middle of a heated argument - we’ve seen her lose her temper before - and she blurts out more than she should have. She could insist on Dounia confronting Kasim immediately (she’s sick and tired of being used and blamed), and he might be outed as a consequence.

But how about as an unintended consequence of Amira lashing out in anger, instead of totally on purpose? Where Amira thinks again and instantly regrets what she’s done, once she realizes? Not to mention completely neglects to mention Lucas or Kasim in her prayers...don’t even know what that’s about.

Plus, this is after Amira specifically told Lucas he could trust and confide in her. After knowing what Cris went through. I’m just baffled at this choice. I can’t really make it make sense, so I’ll just...ignore it I guess.

Now with Dani and Amira’s relationship. After the conversation she had in the library with Viri and Eva, I was wondering what direction things might take. Amira mentions struggling herself, and that she can’t imagine how bad it is for Dani. She mentions her desire to not ‘pick and choose’ from the rules. Eva emphasizes how big a Sacrifice this must be for Dani, because no guy would bother to do the same for her.

With this things in mind, I thought perhaps Amira might go to one of two extremes. One, she might feel guilty about what Dani is ‘giving up’ to be with her and as a result push herself beyond her established boundaries in terms of physical interaction. I didn’t want that to happen because it’s cliche and reiterates the implication that Amira - just Amira, as Dani himself wrote - isn’t enough. Chaos ensues, and she appears weak in her faith.

Or, she might do the opposite and cut Dani out of things unceremoniously (sort of like what OG Sana did when she found out Yousef was atheist). She wants to stick to the rules she chose, why involve Dani at all? She doesn’t want to be this great temptation or struggle for anyone, so maybe they should quit while they are ahead and keep their own separate paths. Given the friendship that Dani and Amira are supposed to share above all else (this is pointed out in the few interviews I’ve read), this makes her seem cold and uncompromising, that she doesn’t believe Viri’s ‘love can conquer all.’ I’m not interested in that ‘hard, fierce, independent’ stereotype for a WOC character.

Now, after the context of their almost kiss and Amira’s conversation with Nora about the situation, it seems like they’re walking on thin ice with option number one.

The almost kiss itself, I didn’t really have a problem with. They are attracted to each other, things are still new. It will be something they need to focus and work on, if they want a future together - there will be times of uncertainty or weakness. Communication will still be the key. I appreciate that Dani did try to break the tension afterward. I can’t say I fault him for following Amira’s lead in that moment. But he didn’t pursue it or pressure her, or act passive aggressive or disappointed. I can’t take such things for granted.

And, others might disagree with me here, but I don’t know if I’d like him being the one to ‘correct’ Amira in that sense. Like, if she had leaned in and he responded by reminding her of the rules they agreed to or turning away or something. In real life, I think it would be fine for him to do so - if they were in a serious, mature relationship. It’s always important to support your partner and encourage them to be true to themselves, or not to do something they might regret.

But on SKAM (a fictional show about a bunch of kids), I think it would irritate me if Dani was suddenly the morality police who had to chastely rebuff Amira’s advances. To me it would read like Amira lacks conviction or agency or both, or that she’s toying with this poor white boy’s heart. Or it would make him seem like the pure damsel to Amira’s lustful villain lol - IDK, just bad optics.

But, Amira’s conversation with Nora? I didn’t care for it, honestly. I didn’t really understand it. When Amira was talking about her decision to wear the hijab to her mom, it was made very clear that it was just that - her decision. It made sense to her and was right for her. But the way she talked about her relationship with Dani, makes it seem completely different. As though she herself wants the same type of relationship her friends have, and doesn’t see why it might not be the best decision for her personally. I mean, if it was her parents who just forbid it - ‘no kissing boys’ - then her complaints would sound normal, that she would feel it isn’t fair. Because your parents have a lot of control and can enforce seemingly arbitrary rules that you disagree with.

Here, that’s not exactly the situation. Amira told Dani she eventually wants to raise Muslim kids, and her education is her primary focus right now. She genuinely didn’t seem interested, or like she would derive much from, a casual relationship. I’m sure she would like to be physically affectionate with him; I’m not questioning that. But the way she spoke to Nora made it seem like she wasn’t choosing to abstain, like she didn’t agree with it and didn’t understand it.

‘You can do it and I can’t, that’s not fair.’ I mean, anyone can do anything. Isn’t that the point? You’re just trying to be honest with yourself in your own soul when you make your choices. So when Amira says she wonders if it’s all worth it, what does she mean? Not worth dating if you can’t do anything physical? Or not worth refraining from contact if you are dating? If she genuinely sees no harm in kissing Dani, or can do so while having a clean conscience, then what’s stopping her? Is it really just boiling down to ‘rules are rules’ for her?

It’s not that she wouldn’t have doubts, all people do. Just the wording, I don’t know. It didn’t sound so much like Amira as it did someone who follows religion merely by rote, with no thought or heart in it. Then why do it at all? I’m not a very good Muslim by any means, but in my view that is not sustainable.

My wish is that the Dani and Amira relationship succeeds to show that being ‘different’ is still valid, and you can choose to express your feelings with your partner in the right way for you. It doesn’t make it any ‘less’ than anyone else’s relationship and it isn’t wrong or dysfunctional. I don’t think the execution is that great, but I still have hope in the message. I’ve seen more than enough Nadia/Guzman types to last a million lifetimes - for once, can we please have the Muslim character worthy of devotion and romance without changing a thing?

#skam españa #amira naybet #dani soto #damira #danmira

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yououghtaknow · 4 years ago

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skam brighton season 5 music analysis

hello :) i’ve gone through all the songs on previous seasons of skam brighton and explained why i used them and i thought i would do it for season 5 now that it’s over.

tw for disucssion of addiction, racism, pedophilia, transphobia and homophobia

trailer

we begin with a bang with “don’t blame me” by taylor swift. now it has been said about me that i am a swiftie and it is true. and nick braxton is a reputation era bitch. this song has quite literally it all for nick’s character - we got christian themes, reference to drug addiction and an unhealthy devotion to someone. this trailer has gone through many songs to find the perfect one, but i decided on this one because of the themes, and also because of the line “they say she’s gone too far this time” - which, in regards to nick, can be read in many ways. we got the nick going “too far” with his love for james in subtly trying to break liz and james up, nick and their drug addiction, and nick and their relationship with their gender identity - going too far in both the masculine and feminine directions. also it bangs your honour.

episode one

we!! begin!! with!! saturday night’s alright for fighting by sir elton john!!! because it is saturday night and, as we’vee seen, nick isn’t afraid to get into a fight or two. this song specifically was chosen because of the movie rocketman, which i drew a lot of inspiration from, with the themes of drug addiction and sexuality. also, once again, it simply slaps.

we then get “ymca” by the village people playing in the background over the rest of the party scene. i chose this song because it is a very stereotypically gay song, and a lot of what i wanted nick to deal with was self-perception in regards to stereotypes. he is very stereotypically flamboyant because it’s both the way he is and a defensive mechanism - leading to his bisexuality being erased and being seen as gay a lot of the time. he ‘s pretty much the opposite in regards to his asian identity, with him not being academically intelligent and outspoken and being very british in their speaking patterns. it’s about the balance and duality and all that stuff.

then, as we are formally introduced to nick’s devotion to james, we get “where dreams go to die” by john grant. thank you to my friend katya for recommeding this song as a nick song because it is just. crazy. every line makes me want to scream. especially “this is like a well-oiled machine / could i please see that smile again? / it's all that makes me feel like i am living in this world”. like that just shows the extent of nick’s love - because sometimes you’re just in love with the idea of being saved rather than seeking help. is that poetic or am i just pretentiously talking about my trauma? who knows.

we then get “overprotected” by britney spears - because britney has been a nick staple the whole series. i first heard the song in the musical & juliet and i was immediately like “oh nick core”. the song opens with: “ i need time (time) / love (love), joy (joy) / i need space (love) / i need me (action!) / say hello to the girl that i am / you're gonna have to see through my perspective”. because we are literally seeing from nick’s perspective. i also wanted to introduce the gender dynamics early - including in the trailer, where nick refers to themself with she/her pronouns - and her nick is referred to in the text of the song as a girl. it’s also a very sad song about not having any control over your life with a fun pop backing track, which is very nick braxton.

we then get another party scene, that opens with “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” (by ariana grande) covered by sam fender. i chose this song because 1) i love the cover and 2) god is it a nick song. literally nick has so many wants (to be loved by their family, to get sober, to succeed in school, to explore their gender freely) but he focuses on wanting james and wanting james to leave liz because there are less achievable and thus safer. also the song fucking slaps.

we close with “happy little pill” by troye sivan, a mlm classic. a staple of 2014. i chose this song because 1) drug in title, easy get, and 2) it’s actually a really good song???? it’s about the dissociation. it’s very similar to the scene with bree in season 4 episode 1 where “chandelier” plays as she’s clearly not doing well but she’s pretending for the sake of her friends. nick and bree are narrative foils and i love them.

episode two

the first song of episode 2 is “be great” by lolandre and jeremy pope after we see nick and his dad’s dynamic for the first time. and it’s really something huh. it’s about how christian does want nick to be great, but christian has a very narrow idea of what success and happiness looks like.

the next bit of media we get in this episode is nick watching the first episode of euphoria. when preparing to write various seasons of skam brighton, i watched a lot of teen dramas to get a good feel for the vibe i was going for. euphoria was one of them and it’s a show i have a lot of mixed feelings for - i think it’s very well crafted and extremely interesting but i also do have issues with the sexualisation of teenagers on screen, even if it is mostly realistic. i chose this scene specifically because nick and rue are very similar characters, in regards to their relationships with their parents (i believe nick is more of a jules kinnie but more on that later). they both just want to be a good kid and make them happy, but they can never seem to do it. gia, rue’s younger sister, is also a parallel to nick’s brothers.

we then get “old eden” by honeywater which is just simply a song i like very much that had the vibes of the scene. also the lines “i want love / but i don't just want love, i want you / i see the beach house, your sweet mouth / but the terrible news / is that love is not how it seems on the screen / yeah, real love has problems / but it's what's in-between that's the best” is simply just nick braxton huh. ambiguous disorder.

we then get “generation why” by conan gray as nick storms out of their house after a fight with their parents. i chose it very simply for the vibes because i only listened to this song once and thought “i do not wish to listen to this in my free time but it is a nick braxton time”. it’s just the angsty indie pop main character walking down the street vibes.

we!!! end!!! with!!! a song i love very much - “sex drive” by austin mckenzie of dwsa fame. this song plays over nick getting “rejected” by james and resorting to grindr to feed their want for human affection - which is where the parallels to ms jules euphoria come from. i chose this song specifically because it begins with the lines “who’s driving?” on repeat, which calls into question who is in control in the scenario. as seen on screen, nick is the one who initiates the “date” but, at the end of the day, nick is an underage teenager and the person he’s on a date with is an adult man. also the song is simply a fun bisexual time.

episode three

we open with “hurricane drunk” by florence and the machine, a song that has been decidedly nick core since 2018. like “i’m in the grip of a hurricane / i’m going to blow myself away”...... nick braxton you crazy little person

“yours” by greyson chance plays over nick and james driving out to the woods to skip school together….. it is quite insane. “no matter who i'm with, it's you that i adore / if you're not sure / baby, i'm yours” like i scream and shout nick braxton has always been in love with the concept of james cohen

“myrtle ave.” by mxmtoon plays as nick is feeling isolated from his friends…. like they just vibe with the song and the lyrics so hard. nick is just. i have no words other than i love them.

we close with “st jimmy” by green day because. goddammit isn’t he. like james just comes out as bisexual (just like st jimmy in american idiot the broadway musical) and nick is like “you are like a saint to me, i worship you, i will do anything for you”. like it’s a song about drug addiction but it’s also about being bisexual but it’s also about the performance of masculinity and the performance of being a “rebel” that james and nick both do i love them so much.

episode four

we begin with “lucy in the sky with diamonds” by the beatles. i do not listen to the beatles but i think the song is about drugs and the beatles is a james cohen band in canon so it has the connotations babey.

we then get “seventeen” by troye sivan as nick goes on grindr to seek out adult men. it’s genuinely such a nick song - once again, the fun poppy music in the background and the deeply upsetting lyrics. also, as in season 4, i chose this song to emphasise the fact that nick is seventeen and a minor and should not be doing these activities.

we then get “dancing on my own” by robyn as we’re at the vaguely halloween-esque party. it’s once again about the boppy music and sad lyrics and like. nick voice i’m in the corner watching you kiss her ohhhhhh i’m right over here why can’t you see me ohhhhhhh i’m giving it my all but i’m not the guy you’re taking home ooooh i keep dancing on my own. like he’s fucking insane (he is both me and nick)

and then!!!! we get a scene very personal to me. nick watching rocky horror for the first time at a shadowcast showing and watching “the time warp”. i first saw rocky horror when i was about 10/11 because i saw it on glee and wanted to watch the real movie and it made me so so transgender and homosexual. it is such a non-binary little movie and the time warp is just an absolute bop.

it’s followed by a brief showing of “sweet transvestite” because tim curry in that movie is such an experience for anyone involved. like oh to be gender questioning nick braxton and to see that. what a fucking experience. and also to be gender questioning 11 year old me and to see that and then find out my school is doing a kidz bop version of rocky horror. fucking insane transgender times.

we close with “cecily smith” by will connolly as milo and nick walk home together because. it is just such a sweet song. like life is not the things that we do it’s who we’re doing them with. and it is a very nickmilo song and i am the president of nickmilo nation. i love a non-binary romance i do i do i do.

episode five

we open with “halloween” by phoebe bridgers because it is literally halloween. insane. but it is also such a nick braxton song like come on man we can be anything…… nick braxton voice i’ll be whatever you want…… it’s about the people pleasing and the desire to be wanted and needed loved and goodness gracious. also nick braxton fig faeth kinnie for this song specifically.

and then!!!!! we get nick dramatically singing “girl crush” by the harry styles version in his bathroom mirror. because goddammit they do have a girl crush. it’s about the gender and the desire to both be with james and to be liz becausenick is non-binary babey……..

and then!!!!! in such a parallel!!!!! we get milo singing “inner white girl” from a strange loop on their instagram live. “a strange loop” was a big inspiration for this season, with very similar themes fo it (you should listen to it right now) and this song….. quite genuinely we have nick singing a song about wanting to be a white girl and then they hear this song….. like nick does cling to his inner white girl as a way of staying safe - they cling to the safe idea of mlm flamboyancy and humour to hide from their genuine emotions and gender……. like it is insane to me. also white girls can do anything can’t they!!!!!!!

we then get “the people who raised me” by gregory and the hawks after nick has a fight with their parents…. “but i won't mind no time spent to save me / just trying to be good to the people who raised me” literally nick is trying his best to be good but he can’t be and that makes him angry!!!!!! but that anger is born out of a deep, deep sadness that nick has no emotional language to express, but anger is a language he can speak and it is. insane. like it’s about masculinity, it’s about femininity, it’s about everything. fuck.

we then get "search your heart" by george feeny as nick sadly vibes at school…. also this scene does parallel with the liz/mary scene in season 2 where their parents fight. like liz is shitty to her friends but stays for her sister and nick is great to his friends but leaves his brothers behind….. the range.

and then!!!! we get phoebe bridgers’ cover of “friday i’m in love” because it is friday and nick is in love huh.

and then!!!!!!!!!! a moment i have been building up to!!!!! we get “back to black” by ms amy winehouse after nick finds out james has a crush on alistair thee fletcher. and just like. god. this song has everything for nick. it’s a song about depression, addiction, leaving your lover, anger, bitterness, second choice ness….. and also he is literally going back to black with his hair colour!!!!! because he thinks being more masculine is what will make people love him and he views pink hair as un-masculine!!!!! and he’s also going back to his family, so he’s going back to trying to hide himself to fit into their expectations….. like god it is an insane little time.

episode six

we open with “idk if i’m a boy” by blue foster - a song i got on my discover weekly and it was a deeply personal attack. like nick voice i don’t know if i’m a reject i don’t know if i’m a loser but i know that i’ve been feeling feminine since i’ve been teething…. and how the song uses humour as a way to cope with gender dysphoria like it’s nick bay bee.

we then get “green light” by lorde because god it is such a james/nick song i feel insane. like “did it frighten you / how we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?” because james and nick have canonically kissed many times before….. also lorde as an artist just has such intense nick vibes it’s so much fun

we then get "fluorescent adolescent" by arctic monkeys over a party scene because i’ve been told on the internet that it is a british teen party classic. unfortunately the rowdiest party i’ve ever been to is my cousin’s christening so i do not know if it is factual, but it does slap.

we then get vérité’s cover of somebody else by the 1975 because i just simply prefer this version. but like. oh nick braxton. oh it’s about the rori and the james and the nick being afraid of being open and committing to someone but still wanting to feel the sense of being wanted by someone and being the sole person they want….. literally it is very crazy.

and then we end with “sugar we’re going down” by fall out boy!!!!! like it it such a good song nick voice am i more than you bargained for yet!!! i’ve been dying to tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear!!!! because that’s just who i am this week!!!!! like it fits so well with his character but also it is so funny that sugar we’re going down plays as they faint at the party……. i am a comedian sometimes.

episode seven

the first song we get in this ep is “demi moore” by phoebe bridgers as nick is detoxing in the hospital. like quite genuinely “i don’t wanna be stoned anymore!!!!!!!!” they don’t want to be alone anymore!!!!!!!!!

then we get “bite the hand” by boygenius. just. like. “i can’t love you the way you want me to” is just. such a statement for nick’s season. like he can’t love james the way james wants to be loved by nick, they can’t love their parents, their parents can’t love them…… it’s all about learning how to love in a way that is felt by all parties involved in the relationship be it romantic, platonic, familial or otherwise. like. it’s so insane it’s all about love

and then we get “relay” by fiona apple - which was a contender for the trailer song at some point. like nick @ alistair is very “i resent you for being raised right etc.” because he knows liz is fucked up and has flaws, he’s seen them, but alistair is easy to project all of his hatred onto. also just like evil is a relay sport thank you ms apple.

we then get “girls just wanna have fun” by cyndi lauper and “dancing queen” and “mamma mia” by abba sung at the lgbt youth club karaoke night because. i mean of course they are. also they are very fun gender songs and i enjoy them :)

and then. my friends. the moment you’ve been waiting for. nick braxton singing alanis morrissette’s “you oughta know”. now this is gonna be a long one.

the you oughta know analysis

first things first, i got the jagged little pill broadway behind the scenes book for christmas and there’s a whole chapter about you oughta know being a song about the queer struggle of being unseen and unheard and i feel so validated like that is exactly what the song is about.

but for nick. oh baby. it is them singing to james, to rori, to al, to liz, to bree, to his parents, to his teachers, to everyone who perceives them wrong. it’s their moment of standing up and saying i am angry and i am serious about this and i deserve to be listened to as a young person. i will now give an in depth analysis of every line i want to.

“the perfect version of me” - bree and nick have had so many parallels throughout the series, which bree can be described as a “better” version of nick. they’re in therapy, she’s taking care of herself, they’re bisexual and it’s accepted by everyone, she’s a good partner to rori, she has parents who love her, and she can be gender non-conforming in a safe way. but this line also applies to al - because nick and al have also been compared this season, with al talking about how he’s comfortable with his femininity and james liking al, who, despite claiming to be more feminine, is still more traditionally masculine than nick. al, bree and liz are all very academically smart. they are all very creatively gifted. liz doesn’t struggle for money. nick, in their mind, compared to all of these people, is a failure.

“so she speaks eloquently / and she could have your baby / i'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother” - this applied to both liz and bree, who both try to be seen as very eloquent speakers, and who are both afab, so therefore can have james’s baby - something nick wouldn’t be able to do. but we have seen in liz and bree’s seasons that they both have sexual trauma, and bree especially is uncomfortable with having children. it’s nick having this idea of womanhood and femininity being something so unattainable and required for james - that it kind of segways into al. because al is also assigned female at birth and could, as he is pre-t, hypothetically have a child, which is playing into some transphobic notions, but nick sees al as both more feminine and more masculine than him - making al just perfect for james.

“and every time you speak his name / does he know why you told me / you'd be there until you died / 'til you died, but you're still alive” - nick changes to he pronouns here, now directly talking about al. we’ve seen james flirting with nick and we know they’ve kissed in the past, and james and nick are incredibly close friends. but james still, in nick’s mind at this point, chose al over him.

“it was a slap in the face / how quickly i was replaced / and are you thinking of me when she fucks you?” - the conversation about how all the skam brighton characters relate to the line between sex and love is so interesting to me. it is also the reason i do not allow my parents to read this show. but anyways - nick does feel so genuinely replaced by everyone in his life, like there’s always a newer, better version waiting just around the corner. what nick doesn’t know is that that is how everyone else around him feels as well. and the line “are you thinking of me when she fucks you” is such a pointed line because it’s not a line of confidence or a joke. nick knows that no one thinks about them like that because they feel repulsive but try to play it off as a joke.

then we get the “i” section, which is, in the script, more “ayes” and “nahs”, but i wanted to change it to be the word “i” specifically because so much of the season is nick existing for other people. for their parents, for their friends, for their clients, for james. in this moment, they are choosing themself. they are standing up and saying “what i feel is important and i fucking matter”

“'cause the joke that you laid in the bed, that was me / and i'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes / and you know it” - because nick’s sexuality and nick as a romantic partner is treated as such a joke throughout the show’s run, and james has been trying to turn every time he kissed nick into a joke that will go away, but it’s not going to go away because nick remembers it. even if james tries to deny his sexuality to nick’s face, nick is always going to remember that james was, at some point, attracted to men enough to kiss him.

“and every time i scratch my nails / down someone else's back, i hope you feel it / well, can you feel it?” - every time nick has sought out sex with strangers it’s because they feel rejected and insecure in themself. they seek out this sexual validation as a way to feed their want to be loved and noticed by people and he wants james and rori to feel hurt by it - he wants to have the power, he wants to have the control.

“and i’m here” - this line is just. so powerful to me. because it’s a line of defeat - after all this time, nick’s ended up at some crappy youth group with his little brother babysitting him, and he’s been dumped and cheated on and overdosed and everything is so awful. but then it becomes a line of celebration. of “yeah, all that shit happened to me, but i’m still here, i’m still standing, and no one can take away the fact that i am here and i am alive and i deserve to be respected” - something milo taught them when they talked about their tattoo

“to remind you of the mess you left when you went away” - nick himself is the mess they all left - because they feel so abandoned and alone and like they are just a mess to be discarded, but he’s here to remind everyone that he’s here. it’s a call for help.

“it's not fair, to deny me / of the cross i bear that you gave to me” - this line i always saw as directed at his parents - they gave him this cross of being the perfect eldest sibling that ended up crushing him, and they deny that it ever happened. but nick knows it did. the same way he knows james like guys. the same way he knows rori didn’t like only him. the same way he’s been denying himself of the cross he bears of being non-binary, the cross of being an addict, the cross of being a mentally ill neurodivergent person. this song is him finally letting go of that denial.

“you oughta know” - he’s talking to everyone with that line. everyone should know about his pain, about his emotions, about what he’s gone through, because he’s kept it so bottled up for years. it’s not fair for him not to share it because he deserve to.

they don’t call me isaac tumblr user yououghtaknowmp3 for nothing.

episode eight

we open with “seven” by taylor swift as nick reads a letter they wrote to their younger self. like. “i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted” is such a line about being neurodivergent as a child and then being forced to mask as you grow up….. also the bridge is just james and nick core…. you should come live with me and we could be pirates…..

we then get “nonbinary” by arca because i feel like at this point nick would be trying to listen to more nonbinary artists because they want to see themself reflected rather than running from it!!!!

we then get “heather” by conan gray as nick and liz accidentally meet at the local mentally ill teen zone. because i am just fucking crazy like that. and yes, i chose that song before it got big on tiktok. but i think it’s funnier because it is a famous song.

we then get “falling” by harry styles as nick is being emo in their bedroom because nick is just the type of person who will dramatically listen to harry styles in their bedroom whilst being sad. it also completes the full circle of sad taylor swift to sad harry styles, but with no vehicular manslaughter.

we then get “400 lux” by lorde after james and nick have their big conversation because like it is just a them song. like you buy me orange juice. it’s also about the james/nick having a gansey/ronan dynamic in the way that nick is devotedly in love with him and james is just being homoerotic for the jokes. but not most other ways. honestly i haven’t thought about the skam brighton versions of these characters in trc….. many thoughts head full

episode nine

we open with “pink rabbits” by the national as nick redyes their hair back to pink. and i’ll be honest. i only chose this song because it has pink in the title. but it does still vibe with nick though.

we then get “be your own 3am” by adult mom as nick is dealing with some bad cravings. it’s just a very pretty song for listening to alone at night in your bed in that weird space between sleep and awake. i love it.

we then get “i am not a robot” by marina as nick walks down the street because nick is a marina bitch!!!!!!! and “you've been acting awful tough lately / smoking a lot of cigarettes lately / but inside, you're just a little baby / it's okay to say you've got a weak spot” is such a nick @ james line it makes me insane

also rich’s entire character and backstory is directly lifted from skins gen 3 because i am niche and make content just for me

we then end with “rager teenager!” by troye sivan because i have listened to that song exactly once, decided it had nick vibes, and just stuck it in an episode somewhere.

episode ten

we open with “strange torpedo” by lucy dacus because it is just. such a nick song. it is insane. i am insane. like it is about nick wanting someone but not being sure who or what it is because he just wants to be loved and discovers that sometimes being liked is better than being loved…….

we then get “used to you” by mxmtoon and like….. “tell me what i can say / and i can say it / tell me what i can do / and i can do my best / tell me who i should be / and i can change it” is such a nick early s5 lyric…… and how the song is kind of a love song but the line “now i’m just kind of used to you” is very nick about his feelings towards james

we then get “gay street fighter” by keiynan lonsdale as milo gets their sexy slow mo that all of the love interests get at some point. they deserve it.

and then “to be alone with you” by sufjan stevens plays as milo and nick have their first kiss in the pool because i always wanted to include that scene and thought “hey here is good”. and like. they are alone with each other a lot and they like spending time with each other….. they are friends, they are teens, they are falling in love a little <3

we then get “creep” by lena hall as nick has a little gender moment at school. lena hall played yitzhak in the broadway revival of hedwig and the angry inch and she just has so much gender. creep has always been a nick song and this cover just…. it’s them.

we then get some ambient guitar music during the nick/rori scene and i chose some songs from “your city gave me asthma” by wilbur soot because it is a fucking great album and nick is canonically a mcyt stan so i simply had to. we end with “your new boyfriend”, which is a funnier, happier wilbur soot song and it is simply a fun time.

episode eleven

we open with “gender is boring” by she/her/hers which is just an absolute banger. like “gender never really meant that much to me / til' people started telling me how it was supposed to be” is such a great line and it is very nick braxton because. like. it’s just gender babey everything is about gender except for gender which is about having fun.

“dorothea” by taylor swift plays as james and nick have their final big scene together and like. it is such a homoerotic and fun song i love it so much thank you taylor friend of the show swift. “and if you're ever tired of being known / for who you know / you know, you'll always know me” is just……. god.

we then get “i do (end credits)” by kevin abstract as we open on the final scene of the season because a) it has end credits in the title and b) it is just another song i think nick would enjoy listening to.

we then get “they/them/theirs” by worriers as we get another little party montage because it’s a vibe time and like. i do love a they/them pronoun moment. it’s a very good and fun pronoun to use.

and finally we get “prelude” from next to normal as al comes in late to the party and awkwardly stands at the back. i chose this song because. well. you’ll see :)

thank you for reading my analysis that no one asked for, i just love having fun and talking about my silly little show :)

#skam brighton #skam brighton spoilers #isaac speaks #who wants my two page long essay on you oughta know but specifically for MY nonbinary comic relief character with christian trauma #i am fucking crazy BUT i am free :)

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inmyarmswrappedin · 4 years ago

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DRUCK reactions - s4 ep4

No, I haven’t forgotten about these! I’m a bit behind, but I’m still on track to finish before s5 starts. Although I hope to be done even earlier, because I don’t know if Amira N’s season is going to leave me with a lot of free time.

( @wodrueckts looked this over! 💛)

CLIP 1: Smooth operator

Amira is finishing up her prayer, when we get a quick cut to a picture of Amira and Sam pinned to Amira’s mirror. So, even though Amira and Mohammed had like three separate moments in the last clip of last episode, Druck wants us to think Sam is still in the picture (literally).

Amira gets a text from an unknown number saying, “Wow, Amira, thanks!” She asks who that is, but then checks her other messaging apps for good measure.

So last Friday, Mohammed sent himself a text from Amira’s phone, making Amira out to have for Mohammed the feelings Mohammed has for Amira. Specifically, “I really like you, but you make me really shy somehow.” I like you, but you intimidate me a bit, as Mohammed has been communicating to Amira pretty much since the start. Calling her the woman with the ice cold gaze and such.

I mean, since this is a fiction series and not real life, we know Mohammed is genuine about his feelings. He isn’t playing Amira, he’s her endgame. But this is such a fuckboy move, lol. I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me none of the Penetrator Chrises (or the Williams) would pull something like this.

Amira can’t believe this man, but she’s also charmed! Relatable.

It’s really cute that Amira is so incredulous that Mohammed asks her if texting himself from her phone is bad, that she actually says “Yes!” out loud before she texts it to him.

Mohammed can’t see how charmed Amira actually is, so he acts a bit more vulnerable and confesses he feels the same way. Or rather, that this is how he feels, since Amira wouldn’t necessarily describe herself like that. (I think Amira, rather than shy, is scared.) Of course, this too could be a tactic.

I think it’s interesting that Mohammed comes across as the biggest player of the Yousefs, certainly more than Sofiane in this early stage, but it’s Sofiane who ended up playing Imane.

Anyway, Mohammed sends Amira a song that he hopes she likes. And I think it’s cute that the song is in German. We don’t know how long Mohammed has been living in Germany, but I figure German the language didn’t hugely feature in his life back in Syria. So this is a song he heard in this new country for this girl he met in this new country.

Then Mohammed teases Amira about only listening to Arabic music, and she’s like, “yeah that’s the only music I listen to!” So Mohammed immediately sends her a voice message. Of him singing. In Arabic.

This is adorable, and Amira is obviously charmed as fuck, as am I. And if Mohammed had previously sent Amira a song to symbolize his new life in Germany, this is Mohammed sharing a part of himself from before Germany. It’s very significant and, for me, the most vulnerable he’s been in this clip.

Mohammed is also a bit embarrassed by his singing voice, but Amira clearly doesn’t care. Nobody cares, Mohammed. Keep singing!

CLIP 2: Essam does dumb things to fit in

Amira wakes up to the dulcet sounds of Essam screaming, and doesn’t get what time it is at first.

She and Mohammed were texting until 11 PM, and Amira fell asleep right as she was going to send Mohammed a song. Her last text was at 23:07 and Mohammed waited until 23:53 before wishing her a good night.

A reminder to renew her vaccines for the Australia trip comes in, and Amira first curls up with her phone. Just lost in the romance of it all, until Essam’s shriek cuts through the song lmao.

Amira checks the phone again and wakes up quick when she realizes the appointment is in 45 minutes. She swears a bit, and I’m very intrigued by this because Amira Naybet avoids swear words entirely, going for PG versions of Spanish swear words.

She’s in a rush now, but Essam has locked himself in the bathroom and refuses to come out. They have a bit of a back and forth (Amira’s threats don’t intimidate Essam at all, it seems) before Essam, having wrapped his hair in a towel, finally opens the door.

He asks Amira not to laugh at him and then reveals that he’s bleached his hair… badly. It’s not even yellow, it’s pretty much orange. Amira says he looks like Donald Trump. Trump wishes he had that much hair tbh.

Essam is actually really upset, and even hides his face in the crook of his elbow. But fortunately he starts laughing a little once Amira cracks up at him. I don’t think I could take sad Essam, it’s completely antithetical to who he is!

Amira asks Essam why he did that to his hair, and said she would’ve helped him if he asked. Essam is all, “no, you wouldn’t. You hate me. You don’t love me at all.” And he just sounds so sincere that I believe he believes that. Like he’s so used to Amira bickering with him (and probably complaining about him to their parents lbr) that he thinks his big sister hates him. It’s just another way in which Essam’s self-esteem is absolutely fragile despite his brash nature.

Essam eventually confesses that he did it because girls (the girls he’s attracted to, that is) only like blond men. The music indicates this is a vulnerable moment for Essam. He feels like he will never be attractive to girls because he’s not white. To Essam, Amira must seem like someone who doesn’t care to fit in with white Germans, because she’s not voicing any complaints that white German boys aren’t knocking at her door. But Essam does want that. Both the white German girls and to fit in.

Anyway, Amira gets this is Essam opening up to her, so she tells him she’ll help fix up his hair. She’s in the middle of sharing her game plan when Mohammed sends a pic, which briefly distracts her.

Essam also sounds sincere when he thanks Amira, and Amira in turn assures Essam she’ll always help him… Though she’s still going to take a picture of him looking like Donald Trump.

We break out of Amira’s POV for a moment, to follow Essam a little longer as he looks at himself in the mirror and tries a Donald Trump sneer. He’s too cute to really pull it off, I’m afraid.

CLIP 3: Everyone (except Amira) is having sex!

I’ll just get it out of the way and say I don’t hate the David/Matteo make outs, nor do I think they were unnecessary.

Like the split screen editing is a bit 🤪 🤪 🤪 creativity! 🤪 🤪 🤪, but the point of this clip is that Amira is surrounded by sexually active people. And David and Matteo have always kept their PDA at cuddling and pecks on the lips in front of people, so it makes sense to me that we’d need to be back on their POV to 1. Show they are into each other, without 2. Actually talking about it with Amira, which would come across as awkward and weird because they’re not that kind of besties.

Like yes, it’s fanservice, but it makes way more sense from a storyline and character standpoint to do it like this than how other Skams handled it.

Though I find it amusing that Druck stans are so vocally opposed to the scene lmao.

Moving on, Kiki and Carlos’ screams of pleasure not only wake up the whole neighborhood from their afternoon naps, but also put off David and Matteo from pursuing their own activities in the hallway.

Amira comes up to them while they’re listening to music and is like, “hey why aren’t you going in?” They’re like, “we don’t want to mention the S word in front of you.” But Amira gets the picture quick once she comes closer to the door.

Druck teases its fans mercilessly as Matteo prods David into admitting his application film is an alien movie with flying body parts. David tries to argue that it’s deeper than that, but lbr this sounds like some campy Z movie nonsense with terrible special effects AND I’M HERE FOR IT. How dare Druck deprive me of this?

Amira’s like, “Yeah that sounds terrible.” Then she starts bickering with Mohammed over text, which makes David and Matteo very 👀 👀 (not that they’re relevant in this season lol).

Then, Sam comes in, and asks why they’re all outside. Unlike Amira, she figures it out for herself and outright asks whether they’re fucking. But she says it in a very pleased way, like she might come in and offer them drinks or condoms, ah god love you!

Amira can’t even take this bit of discussion of sex and wants to come in and end it all. I guess it’s because she’s wondering if people are just going to keep arriving and talking about Kiki and Carlos fucking, although it might also be because she doesn’t know how to be around Sam right now. (Because Sam isn’t just comfortable with people having sex, but she’s sexually active herself.)

Sam grabs Amira’s arm and says not to interrupt Kiki and Carlos, because maybe they’re doing the Happy Baby pose… And like… That’s a yoga pose. I’ll just let y’all google that.

Amira is like, ENOUGH OF THIS! And Sam’s like Okay, miss Priss! Amira wants a second opinion from David and Matteo about this prissiness, and they both plead the fifth.

Right after Sam’s called Amira prissy and put her on the defensive, Sam then says that, in the middle of making out with Abdi, she noticed Amira and Mohammed having a Moment. She’s like, I didn’t know you liked him, I’ll back off. Amira denies being into Mohammed, but Sam doesn’t buy it.

And like… That’s it for this storyline. It’ll never come up again.

I know that doing away with the Skam love triangle pleased the fandom, but I mean, did Druck really get rid of it? They incorporated it, it features heavily in the first couple episodes and is one of the reasons Amira initially is unsure about the viability of her relationship with Mohammed… But it’s never explored in a meaningful way. It doesn’t develop Sam beyond being interested in boysssssss, it doesn’t develop Sam and Amira’s friendship or explore its nuances as well as the nuances of the hypersexualization of black women as opposed to the assumption that hijabis are repressed. Amira doesn’t even get to tell Sam she likes Mohammed onscreen, she tells Mia instead.

Again, this is a storyline that comes across as not something the writers particularly wanted to do, but they needed some filler for the first couple episodes. And the fact that the show then proceeds to decenter Sam after this, while Kiki’s role only increases, is just incredibly disappointing.

And speaking of Kiki’s presence becoming larger… With this subplot out of the way, Kiki now opens the door, looking very much like Noora when she got out of William’s car in s4. (Crazy idea, but what if it was supposed to be a reference to that? Lmao.)

She’s like, “I and Carlos just got done talking to the landlord, which was a conversation that involved no pants in my part!” Matteo calls shenanigans, Amira’s like, “right,” while Sam and David… Kinda look like they think Kiki’s never looked hotter tbh.

Like I said, I don’t have an issue with this clip, but showing Amira being surrounded by sex, yet not giving Amira the space to verbalize how she feels about this, while also getting rid of the Yousef kissing someone else angle, kinda makes this clip pointless tbh. Like the point of constantly surrounding Sana with sexually active couples was meant to make her feel like she couldn’t give Yousef what he supposedly wanted, i.e. a girlfriend who’d be physical with him.

Again, I’m not saying we have to make the Muslim main feel like shit for not being like a white German (we have enough of that with Essam), but at least give this joke a bit of depth by letting Amira talk about it. One issue with the season is that Amira gets thrown a mountain of microaggressions and ways in which she’s different, but viewers aren’t going to get the point that this adds to the pressures Amira faces unless you hit them over the head with it.

CLIP 4: Foreshadowing – the clip.

Amira is practicing boxing at home in order to have an excuse for her to be covering her hair. (Genuine curiosity, should Skams work this hard on coming up with reasons why their hijabi actresses are covering at home? Like I can see the benefit of not wanting to lead people to think hijabi cover 24/7.)

Mohammed texts her a picture of Angela Merkel doing Merkel hands on which he photoshopped a screenshot of Amira from Matteo’s season, along with the caption: Amira for Chancellor. Mohammed be like, I love this show DRUCK, love making shit posts for it.

Mohammed’s memes have put Amira in a great mood, and Mia chooses that moment to call Amira on Skype. Amira can barely get through the conversation, she’s giggling so much. Mia also comes off as really young in this chat, she acted like more of an adult in s3.

Mohammed keeps texting Amira flirty messages about Amira’s political career, and Mia notices that she’s distracted. She wants to know who’s making Amira smile so much, and Amira deflects and says it’s just her brother. Mia notes that Sam’s been raving about Amira’s brothers (so not just Mohammed), and she and Amira have a bit of a back and forth about Amira hiding Essam and Omar from them.

Then Mohammed sends Amira another meme in which he shops himself as Chancellor Amira’s spin doctor, which is both the cutest and saddest bit of foreshadowing. Amira, not being genre savvy, just finds it charming.

Mia wants to know what’s so funny, and Amira’s like, “can you keep a secret?” Mia, being a former Druck main and thus having seen some shit, is immediately alarmed about what this secret might be, and promises to not say a word.

But there’s nothing to worry about. Nothing! Amira’s secret is that she kind of likes Mohammed. Not too much because he’s so tall and his hair is so nice and his eyes so dark. His eyebrows are terrible and so is his moustache that makes Amira zero in on his full, soft lips. Plus his body is so nice because he’s always working out! Mia’s like, so where’s the catch?

Amira’s crush is gigantic, and Mia’s so excited for her, but there’s still something holding Amira back. Maybe it’s that it all seems so easy with Mohammed, or that Amira’s not ready to revise her position that all men are shit, or you know, maybe it’s as simple as Amira enjoying being the lovesick one for once and indulging in the giddiness.

At any rate, Alex is visiting Mia next week (in Spain, where Mia totally is), so that’s coming up.

CLIP 5: Famous last words

Amira and her mom sit down to watch a movie. Amira’s mom is happy to be spending time with her daughter, but Amira is on her phone because Mohammed has asked her, for the hundredth time now, whether she wants to go on a date with him. The man is running out of creative ways to ask Amira out, and she’s still all No ❤️

Amira’s mom wants to know who she’s texting, and Amira says it’s just Kiki. Because Kiki is Amira’s bestie now. Amira’s mom likes her though. She thinks she’s nice and also reminds the viewers of a potential Kiki storyline by commenting on her weight. In hindsight I don’t know why I ever thought s5 wouldn’t somehow deal with Kiki, because the writing is so clearly setting up a Zoë season about Kiki.

Amira’s mom says Amira never confides in her anymore, and eh. I mean, Amira did just lie about who she’s texting, but when Sana’s mom said this to Sana in Skam, it was more significant because Sana had been hiding her Russ plans from her for over three seasons. Amira has been pretty forthcoming with her mom in comparison. She knows about her friends (or about Kiki, at least) and about the trip to Australia. She doesn’t need to know about Amira’s delivery job because she doesn’t have it anymore.

Anyway, Amira bites her lip because she can’t hide this feeling anymore! She likes a boy! He’s nice and smart and cooks well, and Amira’s mom teases her that she’ll never go hungry then, as Amira just burnt the popcorn.

Amira’s mom wants to know whether the boy is handsome (of course!) and Muslim (of course! Famous last words). She wants to meet the boy, but Amira would like to get to know Mohammed better first, which is never going to happen if she keeps turning him down.

With that out of the way, they finally resume watching the movie, which seems to be a Bollywood one because the characters dance all the time. Is it a movie where the climax happens at a wedding, perhaps?? It looks like all the dancing helps Amira make her mind up, as she says, “You only live once.”

CLIP 6: Never leave the house

Amira meets Mohammed at a park, and they exchange a bunch of “Na?” because they’re dumb and into each other. Then Mohammed bravely asks Amira if she missed him, as if he didn’t know at this point that Amira is going to laugh at him. Which she does, because she says no.

They’re in the midst of some mating dance, when Amira notices a hijabi and (presumably) her daughter. She hides behind a tree, because she doesn’t want to be the hot gossip at the mosque, but Mohammed is all, “aw, I remember when I wasn’t traumatized by war and cared about trivial shit like this.”

Or maybe he doesn’t care because he never goes to the mosque. Okay, okay. I’ll stop.

At any rate, this is the first time that Mohammed says or does something that would actually pose a problem to Amira. This is quickly brushed aside because they get lost in each other’s eyes as soon as they make eye contact.

Kiki rudely interrupts this moment, but Amira’s like, “I’m busy, bye.” So she and Mohammed go on a musical montage where they box and push each other, and Mohammed sticks a flower in Amira’s hijab. Just enjoying the romance of it all! Until Amira notices Kiki’s called her three times, and I don’t want to say Kiki is the secondary love interest, but, you know.

It turns out that, while the parents were away, Essam decided to throw a rager. And he invited Kiki as he’s been working hard for her to notice him on insta. Kiki thought Amira would be attending this party when she got the invite, and has by now realized Amira wouldn’t approve of any of this.

Amira arrives at the party with Mohammed hot on her heels, and Kiki starts apologizing for thinking this was all on the up and up. Amira says her parents are at a wedding for the whole weekend, and Kiki gets distracted by Amira’s pretty lipstick. I don’t want to say Kiki is the secondary love interest, but, you know.

Amira confronts Essam, whose hair is looking a lot better than last time we saw it. Essam doesn’t seem to realize the seriousness of the situation, so Amira leans in and sniffs Essam’s breath. She asks Essam if he’s been drinking but he says no. However, he must be totally out of it because he wanders off, hypnotized by Kiki’s mermaid-esque beauty (or something).

Essam starts dancing with Kiki, who looks uncomfortable but goes along with it. At one point he puts his hand on her hip, and she grabs it and removes it from her body. Carlos (who has been blowing off his friends for weeks but is at this party, lol) notices this as it happens. Carlos shoves Essam and they start fighting.

Essam is bigger, or the German boy squad are lovers, not fighters, or Carlos was totally holding back, but either way Essam gets the upper hand and needs to be pulled off by both Amira and Mohammed. Kiki gets mad at Carlos for getting territorial over her. This is like, one of the most actually feminist moments to happen in a Skam that isn’t Skam España, I gotta say. Meanwhile Amira and Mohammed try to hold Essam accountable, but he starts feeling sick.

As this is all happening, Amira’s mom texts her to let her know that they came back because dad is, coincidentally, also sick (but not for the same reason lol). Amira tells Kiki, who takes charge of the situation and kicks everyone out. She literally shoves people out of the house, and I just think Kiki was born to do this, tbh.

If you think about Kiki’s mom being an alcoholic, it kinda makes sense that Kiki thinks of spraying some air freshener as she leaves. She also takes a crate of bottles with her, but because this is Sana’s season, a couple are left behind. Amira and Mohammed weirdly hide them under a cushion, even though they have time to fold a blanket and regroup.

Mohammed thinks the date didn’t go too badly!

As Amira’s parents walk in, Mohammed has to carry Essam from where he was previously sitting on the floor waiting for the bathroom to be free, to a couch.

Amira’s mom is surprised to see Mohammed in the house, and I’m like, “why though?” It’s not like his outfit screams date (whereas Amira totally looks date-ready), and he and Essam are friends. Parents are so annoying, bless.

But she gets over it, especially as she notices Essam in a fetal position. She comes over to greet him and notices he’s cradling a vodka bottle like a baby, and of course she asks Amira and Mohammed what that is, cause you know, as the older sibling and friend they should be looking after him!

And then, Mohammed, Amira’s self-proclaimed spin doctor, tells Amira’s mom that he brought the bottle (and it just fell into Essam’s hands I guess lol). Amira’s mom is angry and reminds Mohammed that they’re Muslims, which makes me wonder if she knows he doesn’t believe in Allah. She’s also upset at Amira, because you know, they were just watching a movie yesterday and suddenly Mohammed is bringing vodka to her house for Essam to consume excessively, as Amira supposedly watches on in approval.

Amira doesn’t even respond, she’s so upset.

I think Druck pulled off this storyline the best out of the Sana versions, including Skam itself. One of the biggest problems with this storyline in Sana’s season is that it affected characters Sana wasn’t all that close to. Like, best buds and everything, but at the end of the day, Isak and Sana rarely hung out. Because the show is ultimately about the girl squad, not Isak’s squad or his friendship with Sana. So in Skam this storyline affected a school friend of Sana’s, his boyfriend, and a friend of her brother’s. Druck instead made it about Amira’s brother, one of Amira’s closest friends and her boyfriend.

Druck also chose to introduce this storyline in a multi pov episode, so that we got a better understanding of Kiki’s and Carlos’ mindsets going into the episode.

This will be more debatable, but I personally prefer that Druck didn’t hide the fight from us. In Skam, we don’t get to see the fight because Sana is supposed to believe those islamophobic Pepsi Max girls (and Yousef’s interpretation of why Even transferred) over her own brother. And I’m sure part of Julie’s intention was to make Skam viewers examine their own assumptions as to what happened, but the thing is… If people don’t want to examine their prejudices, they simply won’t. There are Skam viewers who, to this day, are convinced that Julie bowed to political correctness or whatever the fuck. Druck makes all the characters’ motives clear and show us how the fight happened, and I’m sure there will still be assholes, but at least it’s not a “he said that’s what happened” situation.

It also doesn’t involve hypothetically homophobic Muslims, which was already dealt with in Isak’s (and Matteo’s) season. I personally don’t think this topic needs a rehash in a Sana season unless Sana herself is queer. Similarly, by making Amira’s brother the person to bring alcohol into the house, you don’t need to make the Sana bow down to the peer pressure of white mean girls.

Given that Essam is the one to bring alcohol into the house and to get handsy with Kiki, Druck did the absolutely correct thing and showed us Essam’s vulnerability before the fight. I would say, aside from Yousef, none of the Skam balloon squad was vulnerable in the same fundamental level that Essam is. Of course Elias is happy to hear that Even asked about him, and Mikael is quiet for a moment when he sees Even in his contact list. But ultimately, that’s friend drama. Essam changing his hair in hopes to fit in and be liked is about Essam himself.

I think Druck dropped Essam’s character arc right there because they intended season 5 to air in fall or winter last year. (Otherwise, why make Essam and Zoë Machwitz be the same age?) Now that both Zoë and Essam would be in their last year of high school, and Nora is slated to be the main instead, I hope they find a way to still fit Essam in there. So at least one Mahmood is done justice, you know.

On the downside, the focus on the Essam/Kiki/Carlos/vodka storyline means that Amira’s and Mohammed’s first date is not just cut short, but because of Druck’s time constraints, it also means that it’s mostly cuteness set to music.

Social media

Apparently Abdi heard that, without an insta, he just couldn’t match up to Mohammed, so he got one. Of course the first person he tells is Sam…

Mia posts a picture of a flamenca, because she’s in Madrid. Alex sends her a bunch of messages about arriving on Sunday, but Mia doesn’t respond to them (she did read them though).

Kiki posted a video of her workout, with Essam posting a similar video the day after to no response from Kiki. Kiki later posts a video of her yoga session, and when Essam does the same thing, he actually goes ahead and tags her in the story. The second hand embarrassment was felt across the globe.

After Amira tells Mia about her crush on Mohammed, she texts Sam to let her know as well. Sam takes it well (she’d pretty much figured it out after all). They agree to hang out later, and we get a couple pics on insta to commemorate the event. Which Abdi later copies to get Sam’s attention. Just a terrible week for thirsty men on Druck.

Meanwhile, Matteo takes David to meet his mom, and David later posts an evocative drawing to commemorate the event. And that’s all we’re ever told about that, much to the frustration of David/Matteo stans.

Abdi poses with a sleeping Sam and posts the pic to his insta and omg, Abdi! Just stop.

Before the party, Kiki and Carlos fight over text because Carlos has decided to get a Fachabi rather than an Abi (so, like, a kind of high school diploma that would make it harder for him to go to uni, and better suited for a trade) without telling Kiki. I gotta say, I know Kiki and Carlos have moved in together and everything, but I think Carlos’ tertiary education being a team decision is way too intense for two high school graduates, as far as I see it.

There’s this one pic from Kiki’s stories where Essam is posing with a bunch of white girls, and it just gave me the worst flashbacks to those sorority videos where everyone is scarily in sync.

Final thoughts

The boy squad and balloon fight is the turning point in Sana’s season, and by moving it up and combining it with the booze left behind storyline, Druck turned it into a side storyline about Essam, instead. As I said, I think they pulled it off much better than Skam, but it also means that this is Amira’s third episode and Druck has chewed through most of the storylines in Sana’s season (including the love triangle with Noora/Sam, which is tossed aside this episode).

At this point, the only storylines left are Yousef’s lack of faith, Noorhelm drama and… The cyberbullying storyline which ends up unintentionally hurting Vilde. Ideally, Druck would’ve focused on the former of the three, and would have still gotten four episodes to really deal with it in a nuanced way, but we’ll see how that worked out.

#druck #about druck

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elle-smells · 4 years ago

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STORYTIME PART 3 🏳️‍🌈🙋🤷‍♂️

Part 1

Part 2

(pretty sure this is the last one)

Now

My friends are accepting, I honestly don't give a crap of certain people at my school aren't okay with it bcs it's not like I'm walking around with a huge "HEY, I'M BI!" Sign on my head. Tbh I only want my friends to know and if it happens to spread then who cares?

And I truly mean all of that, really I do. It's just never felt like the right time. It kinda feels like over sharing atm, not something that will come up in conversation and the fact that I've started to grow a little self conscious about my sexuality doesn't help my case.

See, after I figured out I was Bi I didn't really think a lot about preference. I just wanted to love who I loved. But then came DUN DUN DUUUNNN Research. I looked up everything that has to do with bisexuality and even tried to educate myself on save sex with girls (which should honestly be taught in schools for LGBTQ+ youth but that's another topic of convo)

Apart from that, I watched a ton of videos of people coming out and explaining their experiences and a lot of them talked about preference. So I started to think about it and came to the conclusion that I have a preference for guys. That.....that scared the crap out of me.

All the ppl that I heard talking about preference said they either feel about 50/50 or they have a preference for the same sex.

That made me spend a lot of time feeling ashamed of not being "bisexual enough". I felt like if I told people about my preference then they would invalidate me by thinking I'm either "too scared to say I like girls" or "just trying to follow a trend by saying I like girls"

I knew neither of those things are true but I thought ppl would see it that way. And so, I didn't even feel comfortable enough to talk about my sexuality with the LGBTQ+ community, let alone the people that aren't a part of it.

Later on I found the sexuality spectrum and that felt so right to me you have no idea. And when I heard Alexia talk about it in Skam France OMG.... *Chef's kiss* it made things even better. Unfortunately, that didn't mean I stopped feeling self conscious sometimes.

All of that self consciousness now adds to my reasoning of why it's "never the right time" to tell my friends.

Until last week, when I started writing Part 1 of this story time.

Here's where the emojis come in btw

Outside of my main girl friend group, I have another friend that goes to my school. We've only known each other for almost a year but we've become close in that time. He's one of my best friends and he's seen me cry more times that I'm proud of tbh hahaha. However, recently, we've kinda drifted apart (it's a long story), and we're still friends and talk and have a laugh but we're not the same as before. Oddly enough, I still feel like I could tell him anything. ANYTHING. If I'm sad, I'd want to talk to him, If I murder someone, he's one of the first people I'd call. And If I'm happy, I'd tell him the reason why.

For a while, I had considered coming out to him first but, again, it never felt right.

Last week, I found out he's changing school's so he won't be with us for senior year. That really bumbed me out, so I called him for the first time in a while. We had a good talk, we laughed and it felt like the beginning of our friendship.

If you asked me, I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. I just knew. And it all lined up perfectly too!

It checked all the boxes.

• It came up in conversation - we were talking about how EVERYONE has little gay moments some times

• It was someone I trusted - Like I said, he's kinda my best friend

• It didn't feel like over sharing - the gave me perfect segway. He talked about "Bisexual check" tiktoks and how he's not bi but fits a few of the stereotypes (ie. Sweater weather, rolled up jeans, etc)

The stars were aligning and I just....said it

Well, kinda said it:

"hahaha omg dude, in that case, you're more bisexual than I am"

...... My heart started beating so hard I could basically hear it, I frees more anxious by the second so much so that I almost didn't realize he didn't stop talking.

Him: so yeah, and it's not like I only like sweater weather, it's more of-

Me: dude....did you-... are you not getting what I'm telling you

Him: uhh,no.....

Me: umm, ok nevermind then. I'll tell you again another time.

Him: oh, ok.

(hence the emojis 🏳️‍🌈🙋 <- I'm not straight. 🤷‍♂️<- friend doesn't get it)

After that I felt disappointed but it was very quickly followed by....relief. I really didn't expect to feel that. I thought I'd be more gutted that I had missed my chance. Instead I was glad the beating of my heart had stopped.

I realise now that I can't not make my coming out into a casual thing. And by that I mean, it's not something I can just brush off my shoulder, it's a part of me that I've keep deep in my soul for a while and getting it out in the open is a huge step for me. Even if I know ppl are going to be accepting, it's still a big part of my story and I can't just look past it.

Which brings me to right now. That conversation with my friend is what inspired me to write this all out. This is MY bisexual experience. This is MY story.

And it's not over yet. I'm still dealing with feeling not valid enough sometimes bcs of where I fall on the spectrum. I still haven't come out to my parents. I still have a bit of the way to go and I have no idea where that's gonna take me.

What I do know for sure is that I know where to go next. That's to that conversation with my best friend. I understand my situation a lot better now. And that's all I need to move forwards.

Today is the start of Pride Month. Love each other, support each other. I told this fandom my in progress, bisexual mess of a story bcs of how positive it can be. Please, Stand together, bcs our stories deserve to be told and heard. This was mine. And I hope you are able to tell yours ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

#bisexuality #bisexual #bi bi bi #bi mess #lgbtq #lgbt #pride month #pride 2020 #skam #skam france #skam italia #wtfock #druck #skam españa

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flying-elliska · 5 years ago

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Favorite clips of s5 :

Haven’t seen anyone do this so here we go :

Mardi 23:49 31/12 - 3, 2, 1...Entrancing and so much fun to watch. I just loved it so much that they dropped it on NYE and the entire fandom came back to life together in minutes. The clip itself was just thrilling - seeing Elu dance together so happy and free, seeing the whole gang and crew as a big family - and then brutal as this thing happening to Arthur was conveyed in such a clever but shocking way through sound and editing. Just wow. It made me so excited for the season.

Vendredi 20:45 - In the present moment : The housewarming party made me so incredibly happy, too, to see Elu’s little nest of happiness after all they went through, the inner jokes about the kitchen, the art and fairylights, Lucas supporting Eliott and being like ‘mon amour’...and it was so nice to see everyone come together, the last moment of calm before the storm.

Samedi 00:25 - The shock : That clip was very violent but the end of it was just extraordinary in terms of cinematography and sheer emotion. The presence of snow to indicate a muffled world, the sudden change of silence, and Robin’s lost gaze directly into the camera...gave me chills tbh.

Dimanche 15:02 - Something to do : the Graffiti session is probably the clip in the whole season that gave me the most sheer joy out of all of them and came closest to the highs of s3 for me. It was just a perfect balance of fun, heartwarming friendship, and the transformative power of art. I love that they gave Eliott this role. It was amazing.

Jeudi 20:59 - La nuit de... : the Asso Party. I have very mixed feelings about the ending of this clip definitely framing Noée as a love interest. But...the clip in itself is pretty extraordinary in the way it makes you feel Arthur’s drunken confusion being replaced by that incredible feeling of finding community - I’ve been there and it’s like nothing else. It shows the Deaf community as a wonderful, intriguing, beautiful environment, with the signing and the dancing, and the cinematography all blue like underwater immersion...wow. Magical.

Vendredi 13:12 - Bro check : Basile being a real one was one of the most heartwarming moments of the series and it was really like...toxic masculinity who ? I loved that he thought Arthur was gay and didn’t want to repeat the mistakes they did with Lucas, and I loved how emotionally open he was and how keen on making sure Arthur didn’t isolate himself. It’s really this clip that made me love his character.

Lundi 19:02 - Hearing : Deaf people talking about their experiences was so interesting and it felt to me like the first time that Skam really understood the importance of finding a community that go through the same thing as you. Loved the foreshadowing and learning about different issues and Arthur learning how to say goodbye in LSF. It was so real.

Dimanche 14:41 - Wanting nothing : Alexia's talk really gave us insight into her personality like never before, her talk about insecurities and her choice to move past them was so important both to the theme of the season and in general, it made me so emo. Also rainbows everywhere...so soft.

Vendredi 20:31 - Deaf Dating : this was such a rich clip. Funny, interesting, pissed off - like that dude who was apparently just there for the novelty factor - and really warm, as Arthur starts to own his deafness a bit more. I liked learning about Noée’s backstory too and why she is so guarded.

Dimanche 22:21 - Jeanette : Papy Savary is an icon. The bit where you have to hang on and wonder if he is going to say something bigoted but he doesn’t he just has an...old timey way of saying things rings very true to my experiences. I loved Lucas being ready to get angry (the growth!) but Papy talking about his army experiences was just so funny and I just love romantic elder stories

Jeudi 17:30 - You're not alone : I love the nurse and I think this is her most powerful clip. We had some comedy (the astrology lmao) but mostly it was so important to have non-related adults take notice of what was happening and validate Arthur’s experience and help him set himself free ; and loved the return of ‘you’re not alone’ as the series’ core theme

Vendredi 20:17 - Choose for you : Alexia's song was just so beautiful and it was what saved the season from the love triangle for me, allowing her such dignity and strength. I wish I had the guts to stand up for myself in such a creative, public, badass, graceful way and uuuuuhhh i love her. that’s all

Samedi 13:29 - Mom : Carole was one of the really good parts of the season and this clip, although bittersweet, was so liberating, them deciding to move on from that toxic asshole, and Arthur speaking his fears and his mom reassuring him with a ‘you’re like me’...meaning he also might go too far to please people, but he’s got a good heart. soft.

Vendredi 20:37 - Le meilleur des mondes : the end clip was fully cheesy in that breathtaking way that is extremely skam france. I thought the fresque clip was a bit out of nowhere and the handholding was too much...but i can’t help it, I’m just such a sucker for the symbolism. I loved the way Lola’s intro was done, even if it was a bit out of nowhere it was extremely intriguing, and I love that they gave this spot to Eliott. Him making a fresque incorporating space, Arthur’s thing but also this representation of endless potential and the shadow figures that represent the place of all these friends that they are going to step into and make their own...I’m emo. It was so beautiful.

I wanted to keep it to 10 originally but I found that a bit too hard, lmao. I think if I had to pick five, it would be the first one, the graffiti clip, the Asso party, Alexia’s song, and the last one. My least favorite clips would probably the one where they talk about cheating, the one where they show the dead Fifi, and the one with the car crash. Buuut I don’t really feel like expanding on that.

What are yours, and why ? Also just to get the ball rolling let’s tag 5 people in this I’m tagging @lucasthegerman @sublimena @smblmn @plvmour and @eliottdemmaury if you want to of course !

#skam france #skamfr s5 #arthur season

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lucidpantone · 4 years ago

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How is it divisional? There is exactly 0 bi men in the skam verse so since Sander is likely bi (they didn’t bring up pansexuality once in relation to the Even like other versions) is it so hard to let us have our representation and keep Sander bi like the show has left open

You’re avoiding the point of this conversation and what I have highlighted as the issue.You’re talking in circles.I already told you feel free to use labels however you want as they are personal to you. Its important you have agency and choices and that you be able to use labels however you want. Queer pioneers have fought to bless you with individualized freedom of queer expression but when expressing yourself please be aware that statements such as these are incredibly harmful to the community “So the ‘he sees people as people’ thing isn’t canon in this remake yet” it implies the actual opposite of fundamental queer values that stem from inclusive love versus exclusive love. If you can’t understand that please go read up on the queer movements of the 60′s and 70′s and why certain mantra’s were cultivated without labels because first and foremost it was about progressing queer love as a unified front to the world as the world at large sought to diminish and objectify it as something else but love for all.

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xfulldreamerx · 5 years ago

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Actors are real people: a revolutionary concept

When someone is passionate about something, and they're good at it, they want to make it their job. Thye manage to make it their job. This is the case, for example, of actors and singers and artists in general. The Willems and all the actors in the Skamverse are an example of that case. From the OG to España, becoming a performer in any way is something they had to work really hard for, and if it came naturally to them — well, the merit of it doesn't change.

Thing is, it's not bad to admire them. It's not bad to get marvelled by them, by their talent, by their ability to make us feel so much. It is their passion and their job, after all, and they give it to us with all the love and dedication, with the hope of make us reflect and become better people. They portray their characters with the knowledge of so many teens desperate for representation, and even though the responsibility that it entails is big, they do it anyways, possible and understandable fears aside.

Now, when they do it as beautifully as we've seen, it's natural for people to praise them, to want to know more about the actors who were capable of portraying Robbe and Sander, because yes, damn it, they're so freaking talented. And it's okay, you know? If you want to see if they have more projects, past or upcoming, you're rightfully free to do so. You just want to see those actors more, because you like their work, because you want back those feelings they gave you in the first place.

A here is the thing: these actors' work is not their personal life, because in a job like this it will never be. Acting exposes you to the world, makes the viewers have an opinion on your work and your development, an opinion they often mistake for you as a person, not as an actor. That's what is wrong. When you admire someone you don't know, you keep that admiration to yourself and share it with those who feel it too. It's your right as a human being.

What is not your right is going past the boundaries of privacy and the personal lives of the actors you admire. Again, you admire them as actors, you admire their work, but the real people behind those? Remember you don't know them. And guess what, even if you did know them, what makes you think you can post their private pictures without their explicit permission? "They never told me to take it down" — BULLSHIT. What kind of admiration is that, so careless and selfish you only think on how those pictures are cute and give you insight on something you have no right to?

This is no joke, we can't just chill about this. I know people can get excited and not think too much of it, but that doesn't make it right. That doesn't make acceptable or justifiable. We understand why you might have done it, but we will call you out anyways. It is wrong, it will always be wrong to, just for the sake of "admiration", cross the line and go to private accounts, friend's public accounts and other sources that didn't give you explicit consent to repost. That the pictures are in social media doesn't make them of public use automatically — they posted it on their accounts, not the actor's themselves in their own, for a reason. Or the actors' friends can't post insta stories now where the actor does something funny, as we all do with our friends, just because they're public figures? There's space for everything. Remember that.

This kind of stuff will, sadly, keep happening. If not in the Skam+remakes fandom, then everywhere else. Just, please, if you consider yourself a good person, don't be part of it. This is not an opinion or a perspective — this are FACTS. Respect for privacy is something we must always take in account when opening a fan account or another kind of fan content space in social media.

We've seen this happening a lot. We have to stop it as much as possible. You wouldn't like it if it was yourself, would you? And if you would've, that doesn't mean the actors like it as well. Actors are real people, and all people are different and deserve as much respect as they deserve admiration.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

#wtfock #wtfam #wtfam-insta #val on skam #skam #skam remakes

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vexedtonightmares · 5 years ago

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-it’s nice to have a friend-

for: 75 dates in the skam universe (sorry this is late oops)

@theskamlibrary

pairing: elu

prompt: rollerskating date

aka 5 times lucas and eliott were most definitely not on a date, and one time they were.

Platonically roller skating with your bro was cool, right? No homo or anything? Not that Lucas didn’t want there to be homo, he just didn’t think Eliott did. They weren’t on a date, obviously, but all of their other friends had bailed on plans last minute, so they’d adjusted the plans and it ended up being just the two of them. Roller skating like bros.

The lights cast a violet haze over them as they tied their skates up, illuminating Eliott’s smile like it was a work of art by itself. The little wheels on the bottom of Eliott’s shoes were a luminescent blue, the color of the sky, or the color of his eyes, depending on the way you looked at them. Lucas’ were yellow, which was whatever, yellow wasn’t his favorite color but it wasn’t his least favorite either. He’d argued with Eliott when they were picking them up, because the yellow used to be the color Eliott always wore when they’d skated there years ago, and blue was Lucas’ color, but unfortunately their feet were different sizes now and he was thus relegated to yellow.

The local roller rink only ever played the cheesiest music, and Lucas wasn’t disappointed that night, he was pretty sure “Dancing Queen” by Abba was playing at the moment. Cheesy, of course, but much better than what it could have been. Last time he was there they’d played Justin Bieber on loop for an hour. His ears were still bleeding when he thought about it long enough.

Eliott finished tying his skates before Lucas did, holding out a hand to help him up once he did finish. If Eliott felt the electricity when their hands touched, he didn’t show it. Still clasping Eliott’s hand, he was led across the carpeted area over to the actual roller rink where the swirling lights shone brighter than in the lobby area, casting unique designs on everyone and everything.

Just as they stepped onto the rink, the song changed, a somewhat melancholy tune he hadn’t heard before, transporting him into the feeling that he was in a movie, or somewhere he could pretend this actually was a date and that Eliott’s hand on his meant something more than it did.

They’d come to this same roller rink so many times as kids, their preferred place to be Eliott and Lucas, best friend extraordinaires. It was the place that Lucas, at age thirteen, had first realized what he felt for his best friend went a little beyond friendship. Maybe it was the way that the lights reflected off his unruly hair, the way that they were doing so now, or maybe it was Eliott singing the horrible cheesy music to him at the top of his lungs like they were the only two people in the world, but Lucas had fallen hard then and had never come back from it. He’d only gotten better at hiding it.

When Eliott got a girlfriend Lucas wondered if he’d bring her here, it’s where Lucas would have wanted to go on a real date, but he never did. Lucas had asked him about it once and Eliott had just shrugged and said Lucille didn’t like roller skating, she preferred ice skating. It made sense, but Lucas allowed himself to believe that Eliott never brought any dates here because it was a special place to the two of them. Of course it wasn’t true, but he was nothing if not effective at convincing himself their connection went deeper than friendship.

Eliott wore his heart on his sleeve, which was a beautiful and brilliant habit, but it did hurt when that heart never looked at him, not once. Lucas’ heart couldn’t keep its eyes off Eliott, he was just better at hiding these things. It was easier when he was only just realizing his feelings for Eliott, because no one knew how he felt about boys at that point, so he could easily pretend his moony expressions and mild avoidances were attributed to some nonexistent girl on his mind. Nowadays, things were getting harder, but at least Lucas had years of practice.

The dreamy atmosphere had Lucas closing his eyes, letting himself skate without looking, imagining that he was soaring above the clouds, and that the lights surrounding him came from the sun setting and casting colors on the clouds he floated through.

“I’ve missed this,” Eliott said, spinning Lucas around. Lucas opened his eyes, catching his balance on the end of the spin before he stumbled into Eliott.

“Missed what?” he asked, words as feather light as the eyelashes Eliott looked at him through.

“Me and you, the roller rink,” Eliott said, “You’re always different when we’re here, freer.”

Lucas supposed it was true, something about the atmosphere just made Lucas feel at home, reminded him of some of their best memories. He loved their other friends, he did, but some part of him had always hoped it would just be the two of them forever. He didn’t know Eliott felt the same way.

“It’s because we’re floating on the clouds,” he said, gliding past Eliott, turning around to watch as he followed. “When else do we get to do that?”

Eliott shrugged as he skated closer. “Every time I’m with you I feel like I’m floating in the best way possible.”

Lucas became intimately aware of how close Eliott was to him, their hands no longer tied together, but brushing with a purpose as Lucas skated backward and Eliott skated forward, side by side, strides completely in sync.

It was easy to pretend this was more than it was, that Eliott might take his hand with a different purpose and pull him close, that they might spin together under the cheesy and cliche disco ball hanging over their heads, spinning until they were dizzy and drunk in love.

Looking up at Eliott, seeing the corners of his eyes creased as he looked down at Lucas, smile on his face that Lucas fell in love with every night before he went to bed, Lucas was struck with a realization. He’d always thought Eliott was the sun, and he was the moon, but he knew it wasn’t true. Eliott was the entire universe, and he was just a star passing by, so grateful to be a part of it.

If he couldn’t have Eliott in every way, it was nice to have him at all.

The plan hadn’t been to go back to the roller rink, but there they were, skates in hand, watching the neon glow of their childhood together, all those memories, ready to make more. This time they hadn’t even bothered to ask their other friends, and Lucas wondered why. He knew from his end, but he didn’t know why Eliott didn’t protest. They’d hardly been alone together since their last day at the roller rink, and Lucas wondered if he’d done something wrong.

The rink was practically empty, as it always was these days, but Lucas preferred it that way. When they’d come as children the rink was always overflowing with people, old and young, and their parents would get mad at them for disappearing, only to be found in the middle of the rink, spinning each other until they got so dizzy they felt like they were going to throw up.

Lucas wondered if the rink might close someday soon, it was obvious their business wasn’t what it used to be, and he hoped to any god that would listen that wasn’t the case. This was the one place where he could let himself be free and in love and Eliott didn’t notice because he was free as well. Free to do what, Lucas never knew, but he could always tell the differences the roller rink wrought in both of them.

Their skates were the same as last time, Lucas with yellow and Eliott with blue. They had never even considered buying their own skates, even though they probably could have used them. Although, from the small number of people at the rink, it didn’t seem likely that many people other than them were using those particular skates.

Skating always required a lot more energy that Lucas thought it would, despite having done this activity more times than he could count, so he and Eliott took a break after a while, right as the trusty sounds of Justin Bieber filled the speakers.

They sat at a table, Lucas watching Eliott, who was focusing intently. He was drawing something on Lucas’ hand, a thing he’d done since they were kids and Lucas had only grown to love more and more as they both got older.

When Eliott was like this, working on a certain task with laser focus, Lucas was free to watch him all he wanted. It was perhaps one of his favorite things to do, to take in all the minute details that made Eliott Eliott.

Like this: the way one of his eyes squinted more than the other while he drew, trying to get his design exactly how he’d pictured it in his head. Or this: the way the roller rink lights only illuminated one half of his face and his hair from the way he was sitting, changing color every second or so from red to purple to pink to orange to yellow to green to blue and back again. The way one of Eliott’s hands held Lucas’ in place on the table so he could draw from all angles, and the way that even that simple touch could make all of Lucas’ nerves stand on end and his heart race in his chest.

Nearly everything Eliott did made Lucas’ heart race, but when they touched it was like someone had set off an array of fireworks in his chest and wouldn’t stop until they parted. Lucas didn’t ever want the fireworks to stop.

“Done!” Eliott said, clearly pleased with himself as he put the cap back on his pen and released Lucas’ hand. Lucas lifted his hand to see the design and grinned against his will.

Eliott was the absolute only person in the world that could call him Choupi or refer to him as a hedgehog and live to tell the tale. Arthur had called him Choupi as a joke, a total of one time, and had nearly lost both of his kneecaps.

These animals, the way that they served as an embodiment of who they were, were Lucas and Eliott’s thing. Eliott’s first, but Lucas had been his best friend as long as he could remember, and they shared everything, especially the things that meant the most to them. Eliott had known Lucas wouldn’t laugh when he talked about raccoons and how he felt a connection to them, and Lucas had known that when Eliott drew him as a hedgehog for the first time it wasn’t an insult, but a show of love.

The drawing on Lucas’ hand was of a hedgehog and a raccoon roller skating together, small hearts surrounding them as they smiled, the hedgehog looking in front of him and the raccoon looking at the hedgehog.

“I love it Eliott,” Lucas said, because he did. I love you, he meant, because he did.

Eliott’s answering smile, so big that it looked like it might actually hurt, made Lucas’ heart melt into a giant puddle inside his chest and made him forget how to breathe momentarily. What else was new.

They had to wait for the ink to dry on his hand before they went back to the rink, because Eliott had a tendency to pull Lucas by the hand or to catch him when he slipped, and Eliott was adamant about not letting the ink smudge. Lucas was just as adamant about it, but he would never admit it aloud.

“Why hearts?” He found himself asking as they waited, cursing his brain for allowing him to speak at all. Eliott went red and Lucas wanted to slam his head into the table. Way to be obvious, Lucas.

Eliott gestured to the rink, and Lucas nearly slammed his head on the table in embarrassment. Of course. The decorations were all heart shaped because Valentine’s Day was coming up. He was an idiot, an absolute idiot. “Forgot about the best holiday of the year?” Eliott asked, voice lilting and teasing.

“Of course you would think it’s the best holiday of the year,” Lucas teased right back, because he knew that Eliott loved cheesy holidays like that.

“Maybe if you had a hot guy by your side you’d like it more,” Eliott laughed, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. Lucas laughed instinctively, despite the pain stabbing into his chest.

Lucas raised his own eyebrows. “Right back at you.”

Did it hurt that, when Eliott had come out as pan a year after Lucas had come out as gay, he still never looked at Lucas as more than a friend? Definitely not.

“Who says I don’t have one?” Eliott said, grinning and nudging his side.

Lucas tried not to let his broken heart tear his insides too deeply. “I hope they’re worth it,” he said, because he didn’t know what else to say.

“They are,” Eliott said, touching his hand lightly before gripping it and pulling him away from the table and back onto the rink.

A ballad was playing, just like at middle school dances, but Eliott was undisturbed, singing the lyrics into Lucas’ ear while he did a dramatic display that he would argue should have put him in a world famous musical. Lucas fell in love again.

Somehow the whole gang had caught wind of their roller skating plans, so roller skating for two had turned into roller skating for five. It was probably a good thing, the last time they’d been to the rink alone had been a little too much for Lucas to handle. All the Valentine’s decorations were gone, replaced with their usual decor, magical in its own way.

Eliott hadn’t ever told him who he’d been talking about that day, and they’d ended up spending Valentine’s together watching a cheesy rom com Eliott had begged Lucas to come over and watch. He never asked why Eliott wasn’t out with someone like he’d done for the past five years of their lives, because sometimes he didn’t need all the answers. Sometimes he just needed his best friend to need him, even if it was on a holiday meant for lovers.

Eliott’s skates still had blue wheels, Lucas’ still had yellow, but their colors were joined by Yann’s pink, Arthur’s green, and Basile’s orange. Lucas had asked Eliott to come with him to the roller rink that day because it had been classic rock night, which meant the music would be good for a change, and they could enjoy it without making fun of it.

The first notes of Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” played as Lucas stepped onto the rink, four of his best friends behind him. If any of them were suspicious about Lucas’ feelings towards Eliott, they didn’t say anything to him or Eliott, so at least there were small miracles in the world.

The spirit of Freddie Mercury propelled Lucas forward, and maybe he was showing off a little bit, but all the trips he’d taken here over the years had paid off in some ways. Basile was fumbling along, and Arthur kept nearly falling only because he was laughing as Basile so hard. Yann knew what he was doing, but someone had to keep an eye on Arthur and Basile, so Eliott and Lucas did what they always did, blocking out everyone and everything else.

Lucas lapped Yann, Arthur, and Basile nearly three times before Eliott, laughing, told him to slow down, otherwise their friends would feel too inadequate. Eliott took one of his hands, one of Basile’s, pulling the two of them as Lucas scrambled to grab onto Yann who grabbed onto Arthur so they wouldn’t get left behind.

Classic rock night tended to bring out an older crowd than usual, so they got a great number of dirty glares from the other attendees as their five person line stumbled their way around the rink. Basile nearly took out a husband and wife, trying to sway and skate on their own, and Arthur ran into the barrier on the side of the rink more times than they could count. Everyone was laughing too hard to care about any of it, Lucas and Eliott in the middle changing things up every once and a while to throw the others off balance.

Perhaps it had been a long while, but to Lucas it felt like no time at all, so when Basile, Yann, and Arthur left to return their skates, out of breath and possibly nauseous, Lucas and Eliott stayed for one more song, letting themselves pretend it had been the two of them alone the entire time.

“This wasn’t what I expected,” Eliott said as they skated, looking over at their other friends.

“What?” Lucas asked, looking up at Eliott as he always was.

Eliott looked down at him, meeting his gaze. Piercing, bright, electric, everything. “I thought it would just be the two of us.” They kept skating, and Lucas was glad the lights were alternating between purple and pink, hiding the blush on his cheeks. After a moment, Eliott continued, ��Didn’t you?”

“I did,” Lucas said without thinking it through, panicking a second only to be rewarded by a brief but luminescent grin on Eliott’s end.

“Next time,” Eliott said, like he was certain there would be a next time. There probably would, but it was hard for Lucas to have that kind of certainty about anything, always expecting the worst to disrupt his life. The only thing he’d ever been certain of was loving Eliott, and some days it was hard to tell whether that was the best or worst thing in his life.

The song ended too soon, and Eliott’s smile went with it. Was it selfish to wish to pause time, just to witness Eliott’s joy for one more second?

But he couldn’t pause time, so the moment passed and Eliott and Lucas vacated the roller rink to go find their friends. Their friends, who didn’t understand the significance of a roller rink, or a hedgehog, and who didn’t make Lucas’ heart beat in irregular patterns every time they were together.

It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, to have people who didn’t understand, but sometimes Lucas wished that they would, that they would see that he was in love and there was nothing any of them could so about it. Yet it was always a relief and a curse when they would ask him who he had his eyes on, who he wanted to hook up with. On the one hand, they didn’t know, and on the other they didn’t know.

So Lucas reveled in his own melancholy, determined to stay that way until the day he either died or stopped loving Eliott, whichever came first. Given that these feelings had prevailed for almost four years at this point, he was pretty sure the former was more likely.

“Eluuuuuu!” Basile yelled as they met up, and Lucas rolled his eyes. He didn’t know when his friends had decided to combine their names and refer to them as such, but somehow it had stuck and didn’t seem like it would go away any time soon. Secretly, Lucas loved it. Not so secretly, Eliott loved it.

“Basyarthur,” Eliott greeted with a wide grin, combining the other three’s names in a similar fashion every time, but always a different combination.

Arthur nodded appreciatively. “I think that one’s my favorite so far.”

“Why thank you,” Eliott said with a mock bow, meeting Lucas’ eyes as he straightened up. Like a shot from a movie the light began to frame his face, circling him in a glow of neon light, spectral divinity dancing across each and every one of his features. Lucas knew he was staring, but he couldn’t stop himself as he did so.

“Lucas?” A nudge on his shoulder snapped him out of his reverie. Eliott was still looking at him, but the intensity had vacated his eyes and the lights had gone back to normal. Yann nudged him again. “Shall we?” he asked, gesturing to the entrance.

Lucas nodded noncommittally, following everyone a few steps behind them. Eliott hung back as well, brushing a finger across the back of Lucas’ hand, a grounding sort of gesture they’d used for years when the other person seemed out of sorts. The touch was sweet and gentle and said I’m here. The touch also set Lucas’ heart aflame, but that was something he was working on.

Someday, maybe, that touch would say you’re mine and I’m yours and this was the way it was always meant to be. Someday, maybe, that touch would set Eliott’s heart aflame as well.

But for now, Lucas looked up at Eliott, and Eliott looked down at him, and they smiled, always finding a way to be alone together in a room, no matter how big or small the crowd around them.

Lucas wasn’t sure which one of them suggested it, but going to the roller rink high off their asses was an entirely new experience. School was about to start soon and Eliott was anxious about going to university, so they’d decided they needed a way to relieve stress. The roller rink was the obvious solution, the weed was just an extra incentive.

He couldn’t stop laughing, and he was sure the rink attendees knew or at least suspected that they were high, but thankfully the rink was empty enough that no one said anything.

They were in the same skates with their yellow and blue wheels once again, and Lucas couldn’t stop spinning the wheels with his hands long enough to put the skates on his feet. Was it just him or were the wheels spinning faster than usual? He laughed, catching sight of Eliott through the wheels.

“Lu… cas…” Eliott stretched the two syllables of his name out long and slow, giggling. Lucas knew about Eliott’s bipolar disorder, knew that he shouldn’t smoke often, but it had been a very long time since either of them had gotten high, and Lucas trusted that if Eliott said it was fine, it was fine. Eliott was always so giggly when he was high, not that he wasn’t soft and smiley in general, but the effect of the weed took it to a whole new level.

Lucas hummed up at Eliott in response, a moment or so too late, as he’d been too lost in thought to make his mind or his body function at all. Eliott laughed again at his delayed response, tapping the tip of his nose. “You’re so cute,” he said.

Any other time, Lucas might have exploded right on the spot, but at that moment he was too relaxed to explode. All he could do was make a noise of contentment and whisper back, “The absolute cuuuuutessstttt.”

He was cute, there was no denying it.

Somehow the skates had gotten on his feet, though he didn’t quite remember putting them on, but Eliott held out a hand, Lucas took it, and they both immediately fell over on top of each other, earning a glare from the mother and child at the table beside them, but they were too busy laughing to care.

“Do you think we’re… too high?” Eliott whispered conspiratorially, moving lazily to unscramble their limbs.

Lucas screwed up his face as he stayed lying on the ground. “Pssh. As if.”

“Now get up, I brought you here to skate not lay on your ass,” Eliott giggled, attempting to pull Lucas up, who refused to be pulled up, leaning all his dead weight into the floor. The skates made Eliott slip again and soon they were both still lying on the floor, laughing harder than they had in a long time.

They did get up, eventually, mostly because the mom who had looked at them disdainfully had complained and one of the roller rink employees had repeated her spiel to them with a sigh that said, I am not getting paid enough for this. Maybe they’d been looking at each other and trying not to laugh the whole time, maybe Eliott’s hand had found Lucas’ as the employee gestured towards the rink and told them to enjoy their day. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Why had they never gone to the rink high before? This was a whole new experience. Lucas usually felt like he was soaring while skating, but at the moment he wasn’t even sure if his feet were on the ground.

Whoever was in charge of the playlist that day did an excellent job. It was calm, maybe too calm, but it was freeing. The music was embedded in the gusts of air that ruffled Lucas’ hair as he skated by Eliott in a blur, a form of art subtly akin to breathing.

There was a point right at the peak of a high when all the giggles subsided and all the dizziness went away where there was a certain clarity, sort of like a third eye opening, and it was like the stars aligned in the way they were always meant to align. There was a sharpness in Lucas’ vision that hadn’t been there before and there was a certain sense of rightness, like everything he had ever wanted could come true if he just pushed himself to reach for the things he wanted. What he wanted most in the world was Eliott. He already had Eliott, of course, but he wanted Eliott forever and always, in all the ways that mattered.

Something in Eliott’s eyes said that he wanted that too. Normally Lucas wouldn’t dare, so he made himself a deal. If the lights went yellow in the next ten seconds, and circled Eliott in a golden haze of light like the sun he was, Lucas would kiss him. If the lights went blue, surrounding them in an ocean of LucasandEliott and EliottandLucas, he would wait.

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine—

Lucas’ heart raced, then dropped. They were blue.

Eliott still looked beautiful, even in blue, but blue was the color of Lucas’ unrequited love, of the feelings that would never be returned, of the ocean that was LucasandEliott and EliottandLucas and then just Lucas. Just because he was accustomed to being alone, didn’t mean he didn’t still yearn inside at the thought of that changing.

Lucas was so lost in thought that he didn’t anticipate Eliott’s arms weaving their way around his shoulders, tucking Lucas into his chest and staying still in the middle of the rink. Or maybe they were spinning, it was sort of hard for him to tell.

“Thank you,” Eliott said.

Lucas tipped his head back and wrapped his arms around Eliott’s middle. “What for?”

“For being you. For this.” Eliott didn’t loosen his grip at all, but he lifted his head, casting his eyes to the ceiling and beyond.

“You never have to thank me for that,” Lucas said, “You never have to thank me at all.”

“I know. That’s why I want to.” Eliott’s grin was all encompassing, so beautiful and grand that when he lowered his head and pressed a kiss to Lucas’ forehead it took a moment to register, Lucas’ brain still focused on the blinding way his soul was lit by an infinite glow.

Eliott didn’t kiss him again, and they stayed like that for so long, the two of them tangled in a hug, that Lucas began to think it might all be a dream. If so, he didn’t want to wake up anytime soon.

None of their other friends had wanted to go to the roller rink, and Lucas was secretly glad. It wasn’t that he didn’t like their other friends, but he liked Eliott best. Everyone knew it, and everyone knew Eliott liked Lucas best.

Lucas’ thirteenth birthday had passed without fanfare, so when Eliott had suggested they go to the rink to celebrate, Lucas had been overwhelmed with appreciation for his best friend. He always knew the best ways to make Lucas feel special. Lucas wondered if he’d suggested the roller rink because he knew their other friends wouldn’t want to come.

They grabbed their skates at the front desk, tying them up giddily. The little wheels on Eliott’s skates were a golden yellow, a color that suited Eliott greatly in Lucas’ opinion. He was full of so much light, it only seemed fitting he’d skate on wheels that were somewhat of an embodiment of the sun. The wheels on Lucas’ skates were blue, an ocean blue that Eliott always said matched his eyes. He didn’t know if that was true or not, but it always made Lucas feel good, like Eliott had been paying as much attention to these things as he had.

Lucas was also glad it was just the two of them, because he had to tell Eliott something he wasn’t ready to tell everyone else yet. He just had to work up the courage. The ever changing rainbow of lights seemed to mock him as they skated, telling him to just say something already. He wanted to, but every time he opened his mouth the words stayed stuck in his throat.

Eliott, I’m gay.

He imagined Eliott smiling that trademark smile of his, taking his hands and spinning him around. Saying, That’s so great Lulu! because he was the only one allowed to call him Lulu and Lucas secretly loved it when he did.

He’d run through a script in his head of any possible reactions or questions Eliott might have, though none of those scenarios had ever included a poor reaction. He knew Eliott too well, he knew that whatever he might say or do, it would be tinged with excitement and acceptance, no matter what.

If Eliott had asked him how he knew, he might have blushed and muttered something about Troye Sivan, even if Eliott probably didn’t know who that was. Not only did Troye Sivan have great advice and insight, he was also very, very attractive, a fact Lucas had realized with the feeling of a lightbulb going off in his head.

Eliott might joke about Lucas having a crush on him, to make him feel less awkward and to make it seem normal as anything else, and Lucas would laugh, saying ew, never! just to make Eliott laugh in fake offense. Because obviously, Lucas would never have a crush on Eliott. Eliott was Eliott, that was all.

Sure, Eliott was really beautiful, and sure, it annoyed Lucas when the girls Eliott went to highschool with literally fell over themselves to try to talk and flirt with him, but that was normal. Lucas just didn’t want someone to steal away his best friend, especially when none of those girls seemed right for him anyway.

Lucas wondered if in another universe Eliott was thinking of him as beautiful, and Lucas was there skating alongside him, clueless as ever.

Eliott started talking to him then, bursting his bubble of thoughts and bringing him back to the roller rink. He was talking about some new art style he was trying, where he would draw people as animals instead of humans, try to match each person to the animal he thought suited them best.

“What animal are you?” Lucas asked, and Eliott thought about it for a moment, even though Lucas knew he’d just been waiting for Lucas to ask.

“A raccoon,” he said definitively, and Lucas giggled.

“A raccoon?”

“A raccoon.”

Lucas didn’t really understand. Eliott didn’t scream raccoon to him, though admittedly he wasn’t the artist here. “Why a raccoon?”

“Because they’re awesome,” Eliott scoffed, “Plus, they wear a mask.”

Lucas cast his gaze downward. “Do you wear a mask?”

“Sometimes,” Eliott admitted, “But never with you.”

Lucas felt his heart warm and flutter in a way that was uncalled for with such a simple statement. They said things like that all the time, this wasn’t special, so why was his heart racing like it was? “What animal am I?” he asked to take his mind off it.

Eliott lifted a hand and ran it through Lucas’ unruly and somewhat spiky hair. “A hedgehog.”

“Hey!�� Lucas protested, but Eliott interjected immediately.

“Don’t ‘hey!’ me, hedgehogs are amazing. Tiny, adorable, sweet to those they love but a little prickly when they feel uncomfortable.”

Lucas considered it. It was pretty spot on, if he was being honest. His heart took another leap at the thought that Eliott had taken so much time picking an animal to match who Lucas was, inside and out, and that he knew Lucas better than anyone in the entire world. Sometimes better than Lucas himself.

He had a sudden sensation in the pit of his stomach, like the drop on a rollercoaster, a feeling of falling. It hit him all at once, and it was so glaringly obvious that he ran through his earlier thoughts of denial with a shake of his head.

He was falling, most definitely, falling in love with Eliott.

Well, fuck, what was he supposed to do with that? He certainly couldn’t tell Eliott that he was gay now, not when he now knew what he felt and why he felt it. Maybe it was a harmless, crush, and it would go away, but Lucas suspected the crush stage may have started even before he knew it was a crush.

Never have a crush on Eliott his ass.

He was only thirteen. No one ended up with the person they had a crush on when they were thirteen, that kind of thing only happens in movies. All he had to do was pretend, as long as he had to, until he found someone else that made him feel like Eliott did, like a whole, undamaged human being. He could do that, it wasn’t like he’d still be pining four years later or anything.

+1.

A Troye Sivan song was playing, which brought a small smile to Lucas’ lips. After he’d chickened out in telling Eliott he was gay that one fateful day at the roller rink, he’d been determined to keep both his secrets until the day he died. But then Troye Sivan had released Blue Neighborhood. And Lucas had listened to every song more times than he could count. And he’d blurted out he was gay to Eliott out of nowhere the very next day after the album came out.

For some reason, they were back at the roller rink, and Lucas grinned with satisfaction as he finally got a pair of skates with blue wheels. Eliott’s were that beautiful golden yellow, just like when they were younger.

It had actually been quite a while since their last visit, both claiming they were too busy to make time. Lucas wasn’t sure if that was true for either of them, but it had felt like something had changed that day. They’d both blamed it on being high but Lucas knew that wasn’t the case. Maybe he’d been too forward and Eliott had gotten scared.

They stepped onto the rink like usual, Lucas’ hand in Eliott’s, steady and warm, and they let their other senses overtake them, leaving their thoughts to be lost to time and forget that anything existed outside that beautiful and unforgettable roller rink.

It was unusually crowded, which Lucas hoped meant business was back and booming again. He didn’t know what he would do if the rink closed, where he would go to feel alive. Then again, looking at Eliott, he realized he felt most alive wherever Eliott was. They could be at the bottom of the ocean, but if they were together Lucas would cherish every moment.

“Why do you always take me here?” Lucas asked, because he genuinely wanted to know. Sure, it was their place, but they could have found a new place at any time. Lucas loved the roller rink, he was just sure Eliott must be sick of it by now.

Eliott spun around, skating backwards to face Lucas while they spoke. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, we could go anywhere! I don’t want you to feel like you have to come here for me,” Lucas said, always terrible at articulating what he was feeling.

“I’d do anything for you Lulu,” Eliott said simply, “And besides, I love it here.”

Lucas smiled, and Eliott returned it, the softness emanating out of them so intimate and beautiful. “I can switch it up for the next date though, if you want,” Eliott continued, and Lucas tripped over his skates.

“Woah, you ok?” Eliott extended a hand to help him up and Lucas blinked a few times, trying to process what Eliott had said. For the next date. Maybe it was just a turn of phrase?

“The next date?” Lucas asked without meaning to, still sitting on the ground.

Eliott’s eyes went wide and they flicked away from Lucas’ face as his cheeks turned a bright red only emphasized by the neon lights overhead. “Yes?”

When Lucas didn’t say anything more, a look of comprehension dawned on Eliott’s face. “Wait a second. You know that this is a date, right?”

Lucas did not know that.

His silence must have spoken volumes, because Eliott retracted his hand, putting his face into both of his hands. “They’ve all been dates, Lucas.”

“How was I supposed to know that?” Lucas said indignantly. He wasn’t that dumb.

“I thought I made it fairly obvious! After last time, though, I thought for sure I went too far, scared you off,” Eliott lamented in a strained sort of voice.

Lucas made his way to standing finally, head a bit clearer, but still confused. “You went too far? You kissed my forehead because we were high.”

“I kissed your forehead because I wanted to kiss your lips but I was too scared to.”

“Well I hugged you because I was too scared to kiss you,” Lucas argued.

Eliott’s smile returned in the form of a small smirk. “So it’s a competition now to which one of us was more of a dumbass?”

“It’s not a competition, I didn’t even realize we’d been on multiple dates,” Lucas pointed out.

“You’re right. Why did I fall in love with such an idiot?” Eliott said with a laugh, before his face blanched.

Lucas took another moment to right his equilibrium. “Fall in love?”

Eliott could have backtracked, denied it, but instead he set his jaw and nodded. “Completely.”

“Well maybe you are the biggest dumbass then, if you didn’t realize I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen,” Lucas said softly, breathlessly.

There was barely a moment for Lucas to pause and regret his words before Eliott was right in front of him, pulling him close as possible and capturing his lips. In Lucas’ mind fireworks exploded.

Lucas kissed Eliott back the way he’d always dreamed of doing and when they parted he took in everything, from the way Eliott’s eyes crinkled at the sides, to the swollen appearance of Eliott’s lips, to the way the lights bounced off his hair and cast that same serene glow they always did. Lucas laughed to himself, pulling Eliott back into another kiss.

The lights were yellow.

#skam france #elu fic #75 dates in the skam universe #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant #elu

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reasons-to-chuckle · 5 years ago

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Modern Love & Skam

For anyone who loved season 3 of Skam and probably just finished season 3 of WTFock and feels like they want to know more about Sander (the Even character), I highly recommend watching episode 3 of Modern Love, which deals with the story of a bipolar woman.

I love Skam but after watching it, I always wanted to know more about Even and life with bipolar disorder (and dating with bipolar disorder). What would happen the next time Even has a manic episode? Even is still so young and still learning about himself and his MI. What steps does he take toward learning how to best keep his moods stable? What will his process be like when he is figuring out what works for him and what doesn’t? How will Isak react when he feels an episode coming? How will they prevent their relationship from going down the same path that Sonja and Even’s relationship did (being overprotective, controlling, and ultimately seeing the disorder over the person)? I know we are supposed to just take things minute by minute but for people that have (or want to have) close relationships with bipolar people, it’s definitely helpful to see more representation on how to live (and love) with it, especially from the perspective of someone who is bipolar.

I understand that season 3 is Isak’s story, not Even’s. Perhaps that is why the season leaves me with so many questions about Even. I have never been someone who absolutely needed an Even season because I felt like there were so many other characters that we saw even less that had potential for great storylines (Vilde, girl Chris). However, after watching the Modern Love episode, I can see how powerful a season from the perspective of the person with bipolar disorder can be. This will, of course, require talented writers who can truly capture of the voice of someone with bipolar disorder. The writers room should definitely have or consult with people with bipolar disorder and their loved ones. This season would deal with such an important topic that shouldn’t be taken lightly so if any remake takes this on, please do it justice.

Until one of the remakes has an Even season, you can get a taste of the Even perspective from the Modern Love episode! If anyone else knows of any other good media representation of bipolar disorder/mental illness, feel free to mention them in a reply. You’re the Worst (main character with depression) and Craxy Ex Girlfriend (main character with borderline personality disorder) are also amazing and show mental illness through a more lighthearted and comedic approach (while still showing the dark sides and more serious aspects). My Mad Fat Diary (main character with an eating disorder) is also a gem. These shows are so important towards taking steps to destigmatize mental illness.

Let’s all take a moment to thank Skam for giving us Even and this conversation around bipolar disorder. It is the first show I’ve watched that made me so curious about mental illness. It really has changed my perspective on a relationship with someone with MI (just like Isak did)!

TL;DR: An Even season has the potential to be very powerful. Until then, check out episode 3 of Modern Love.

#skam #wtfock #skam italia #skam españa #skam nl #skam austin #druck #skam france #modern love #take me as i am whoever i am

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skyking91-archive · 4 years ago

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the fallout || skam

Discord thread featuring: Sky & @samuelburton

When: October 24, 2020 - after the halloween party

Where: sam’s apartment

mentions: @ellicfm

Description: sky and sam fight, then they agree to take a break

Trigger Warnings: brief mentions of past trauma, arguing, feeeeels

Sky

Admittedly, sky was a little drunk. She had to be when she was around mat. Like. Damn. She was thankful thought that the Uber dropped her and Mat off at different places. The last thing she wanted to do was spend any more time with him. And he seemed a bit off after the party was over anyway. She hopped out of the car when it arrived at her boyfriend’s place and she went right up, opening the door with the key he’d given her not that long ago. “Hi baby.” She spoke like she had had the longest day at work. She had been thinking about the conversation she’d had with Sam all damn night and had a really hard time enjoying herself. The corn maze with Jess was definitely the highlight of her night though. Still, she couldn’t get same off of her mind.

Sam

sam had stayed at the party longer than he’d intended and while he’d thought ditching would be a good idea, sitting alone with his thoughts while he waited for his girlfriend arrive hadn’t worked out all that well either. especially after that conversation he’d had with ellie about what sam deserved in a relationship. it was a relief to be pulled from his thoughts when he heard a key turn in the door. “hey love,” he smiled tiredly at her. he was genuinely excited to see her but he was also exhausted and the unopened bottle of whiskey beside him hadn’t helped matters. he’d managed to stay relatively sober the entirety of the party but as soon as he was home and didn’t have to worry about out his girlfriend and her fake boyfriend’s pretend relationship, he’d felt free to indulge.

Sky

Sky found Sam sitting on the couch. He seemed relatively comfortable; like he had been there for a while. He looked sad, but just his presence alone made Sky smile. She sat her bag down and took her shoes off before she walked over to find Sam next to a bottle of whiskey. This...didn’t look good. The actress straddled her partner before sitting down on his lap, rubbing his tense shoulders out. Something was off. And it was more than just the conversation that they had had in the kitchen. “I’m really sorry about earlier. I know this sucks...” her dark eyes dropped as she spoke. “I’m sorry we couldn’t go together.” She said with a sigh.

Sam

sam’s hands landed on sky’s thighs as she sat in his lap. he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch, relaxing as her hands went to work on his shoulders. it was a comfort to have her home in his arms again, especially after things had been so tense earlier that evening. still, he couldn’t shake ellie’s words from earlier. “s’okay,” he shrugged lightly, eyes still closed. “it’s all part of the agreement, right?”

Sky

Sky wasn’t totally sure how to respond to that. Was he being sarcastic or...? Sky furrowed her brow in response and dropped her hands from his shoulders. “Im sorry...” she apologized again, looking away from him. Her heart sank. “Sam...I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t want you to be miserable jn this. I know you wanna take me out with you, and like...post pictures and stuff. Just...tell people about us.” She didn’t even know where she was going with that but it was something that had been in her mind for a while. She’d try to make up for it with presents, but that only went so far.

Sam

sam opened his eyes, his heart sinking a little when he saw the sad look on her face. he didn’t like making her feel that way. but this was a conversation that needed to be had or else they’d keep circling back round to this same shitty feeling. with ellie’s words fresh in his mind he looked at her questioningly. “can i ask... why are you doing this? because i thought i knew but i don’t really think that i do anymore.”

Sky

Sky was just now realizing how drunk she was when she felt like she was going to start crying. Fuck. She tried to hold it in, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to for very long if this conversation was headed where she thought it was. She rolled over his lap and leaned her head against the back of the couch and huffed, racking her brain for an answer to his question. Why was it so hard for her to come up with an answer that didn’t make her sound like a self centered bitch. “It’s my job.” She finally said after a few moments of silence. “I...it’ll really help me with my career. This’ll open a lot of doors for me.” What a self centered bitch. Still. It was true.

Sam

sam nodded slowly, listening as she spoke. he hadn’t been far off. “i guess i just feel like... i mean you’re so talented, love,” he told her, turning his body to face her on the couch. “i mean really, you’re brilliant. and i don’t understand why you feel that you need to do this to further your career.” sure it would get her a lot more exposure a whole lot quicker. but was it not more rewarding to come by it organically? sam truly thought she was talented enough to make it on her own.

Sky

“You don’t get it.” She said immediately, without really thinking about it. “It’s not just talent that gets you famous and successful. You have to have the right connections, the right exposure.” She stood up and huffed, pressing her hand to her forehead in frustration. She paced slowly because now she was getting frustrated. “Thank you, but there are a lot of talented people in the world and only a select few can actually make it.” Now she felt like she was lecturing him, which she didn’t do it on purpose — she was just so frustrated. “What do you want from me, baby?” She sighed.

Sam

sam knew that it took an awful lot of luck to break into the business. he wasn’t so naive to think that all you needed to have was talent and ambition to make it. it also took a lot of luck. if it hadn’t been for eevee’s wealth and connections, he doubted that the band would have made anything of themselves, as short lived as that was. but was it really worth all of this? we’re there not other ways to go about building status and gaining exposure? but her final question to him had sam furrowing his brow in hurt confusion. “i guess i just hoped that this was enough,” he said, gesturing between them, his own frustration as the situation creeping into his voice. “you are all i want, and i feel like i can’t even have that. at least not all of you. not the way i want.”

Sky

What Sam said next make her heart ache. They had agreed to this. Sure. But it was turning out to be much harder than what they had originally thought. Sky hated Mat. Sure, he was a dick. But she hated looking at him and knowing that he was the one keeping her and Sam from being happy together. Or was she the one that was doing that? “Sam...” she sat down next to him again. “I’m sorry. I want to be the one that makes you feel happy and loved. But...can I ask where this is coming from? Was it just what happened tonight with us? Or is there something else?” Sky empathized with how he felt, she tried to at least, but she still wasn’t sure where this was all coming from. “Please talk to me.” She begged, grabbing his hand with both of hers.

Sam

sam hesitated, looking away from her but allowing her to take his hand in hers. "i guess it started in the dining room," he began. "what mat said- it got to me. and i was starting to have doubts, not about us but about... i mean we really should have thought this through... and then i ran into ellie and we got to talking about what i deserve and i can't help but wonder..." sam's blue eyes met sky's. there was an apprehension there, like he was afraid that what he was about to say would change things between them, though he wasn't sure how. "am i not enough for you?"

Sky

She looked away from him, her heart skipping a beat once their eyes met. Sky took a sharp breath in at the mention of his ex. So that’s where all of this was coming from. What a fucking bitch. How dare she try to sabotage her relationship like that. But also why was Sam talking to his ex about their relationship. “Why the fuck were you talking to Ellie fucking Robertson about our relationship?” She deflected, standing up in a huff. “Sam, I love you. This is just a damn job. You are endgame. This job is not.” She said, pointing to Sam.

Sam

anytime sam mentioned ellie in the past to sky he’d gotten little short responses like “i like ellie” or some other noncommittal comment. while he didn’t expect the two to be best friends he definitely didn’t expect sky to be so pissed about sam talking to her. “what..?” he asked, kind of taken aback by her response. “she’s my friend, sky. one of the only friends i have left and the only other person in my life aside from my aunt who knows what the fuck is going on,” he said, standing as well. “if i can’t talk to her about us who am i supposed to talk to? nobody knows about us. and you know what?” sam asked, eyes growing dark with anger. “i think a lot of the things she was saying made a whole lot of sense.” he huffed at her response about the job, having a difficult time not rolling his eyes at her. “if this is just a damn job, why were you so desperate to take it? the day i come to you to talk, to see if we can get past what separated us in the first place, you tell me you want to take on another job! but i was so...” sam gritted his teeth, taking a hand through his hair as he tried to collect himself. he was having little success. “i was so stupid! so desperate to hold on to you that i said yes! only for this to happen,” he said, gesturing wildly around them. “and we’re right back to where we were the first time around.”

Sky

Sky was a big drama queen, so as one can imagine her reaction to what he was saying may have been a bit over the top. But sky was hurt. Mostly because she know that Sam was right. She hadn’t been fair to him, and he did deserve better but sky wasn’t ready to admit that even to herself. When Sky decided to take the job, she had no idea how hard it would be on him. On their relationship. Sky looked like a hurt puppy as he spoke, then let some silence fall over them for only a brief moment. “I...” she stuttered. “Why did you say something? Why didn’t you tell me not to take it? Why did you wait until you got pissed to say something? You wait til things blow up before you actually say something. You’re right. Now here we are. Back to where we started.” She huffed, trying to hold back those damn tears but the spilled over her eyes and down her cheeks. “What do you want me to do, Sam? I can’t lose you.”

Sam

sam’s jaw set and he gave her a long look. the anger had mostly faded into sadness because he really hated seeing her like this and he hated even more that he’d been the cause. “i wanted to be better. i wanted us to be better. and after losing eevee like that i-“ he looked down at his feet, heart heavy in his chest. “i couldn’t lose you sky. i would have said anything to be with you. i love you.” he looked up at her, his eyes pleading. he didn’t know how to fix this but he so desperately wanted to. his heart clenched at the sight of her tears and he wanted more than anything to take her into his arms and hold her. but he knew it would only make this harder. “you can’t quit... not now, not after signing a contract. i’d never ask you to do that. but maybe...” he sighed, feeling his own eyes prickle with the beginnings of tears. “maybe we should take some time?” he hadn’t meant it to come out like a question. but the words coming out at all had already been a struggle. and he knew that he had drink in him and that emotions were running high... but it was hard to see another solution.

Sky

That was it. That’s when sky absolutely lost it. Her stomach actually hurt and she felt like she was going to vomit. This wasn’t happening. He was right. She couldn’t quit. She’d be breaching her contract and she’s be our hundreds of thousands of dollars. As much as she wanted people to believe it, Sky wasn’t rich and there was no way she’d be able to pay that. She sat down across the room from him, looking anywhere else but in his eyes as she reminded herself to breathe. “You-you’re...breaking up with me?” The words coming out her mouth didn’t even seem real, and — fuck — they hurt so much. Sky loved Sam more than she had loved anyone in her entire life, and sky didn’t always know what to express that. Damn trauma. She cried into her hands for a significant amount of time, before wiping the tears off of her swollen face. She wanted to protest, fight for him...but she also wanted to save at least some of her dignity. “I don’t know what to say, Sam...I love you. I...don’t want this. But I also hate what this is doing to you...” she admitted. Sam really had gotten the short end of the stick in this agreement, and it wasn’t fair of her to ask him to suffer in silence for her sake. “Will it make you happier? If we take a break?” She rasped.

Sam

fuck. as soon as he’d said it he wanted to take it back for this very reason. but he knew that this was probably the best for the both of them or else they might make themselves so miserable that it wasn’t worth the fight. sam didn’t want to believe that was true but with each passing day it was getting harder and harder to cope. he crossed the room and knelt beside her, hesitant at first, though eventually he put a hand on her knee. “hey,” he said to her, his voice a small whisper. “don’t think of it like that. i love you so much, sky and i want to be with you. you make me so happy. but this...? this isn’t good for either of us. i mean look at us.” he was quiet for a moment. “how much longer until the deal is done..?” the last time sam had asked the question sky had told him it could take a year’s time. that seemed excruciating but sam knew that he loved sky so much that he could wait. “once this is over and done... maybe then we’ll really give it a fair chance.” this was probably one of if not the hardest thing sam had ever done. he was so used to people in his life leaving him and here he was, letting go of the thing that made him the happiest.

Sky

"A...A few more months." It didn't seem like that long, but she didn't want Sam to feel like this a minute longer. Sky hated that she ever made the love of her life feel that way. Had she really been so self centered that she didn't stop for a moment to think about what this was doing to Sam? She tried to covered it up with gifts and pretty words, but that only went so far. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry." She said between breaths. "Th-this is all my fault." Even though, realistically, they both agreed to this without really thinking twice about it. They were just so eager to call each other theirs again that they didn't think about the logistics of all this. She finally took her head out of her hands and looked up at him. "I love you so much." She did. She really did. Even though she had a real shit way of expressing it. No one, except Sam, had ever taught her how to love so she was really just winging this.

Sam

sam couldn’t hold back any longer. he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close, closing his eyes as he nuzzled her head with his cheek. “hey, none of that now...” though it had been good to get everything out there, he regretted being so harsh with his words. he cared about her so much. “we both agreed to this, yeah? a few more months isn’t bad at all. i’ll be working, you’ll be working, and before you know it i’ll be cheering you on at opening night for rent, okay?” and then hopefully things would be right between them and they could finally be happy with no conditions. “i love you too. so so much.”

Sky

Sky sobbed into his shoulder, probably getting his shirt all gross and snotty but she couldn't seem to find the energy to care about that now. "o...kay." she sobbed, her breath hitching. She hated this. She hated Mat. She hated Ellie. And there was a large part of her that hated herself for letting things get this out of control. She regretted ever taking that damn job in the first place. They stayed in that embraced for a while. It seemed like neither of them wanted to be the first to let go. At least that was Sky's interpretation of it. If they let go, then that meant that this was really over.

Sam

sam held her close to him, rubbing her back soothingly as he tried to calm her down. this all really sucked but sam wanted sky to know that this wasn’t goodbye. he quietly began humming her the melody of the song he’d written for her. he’d hoped the gesture would be both comforting and reassuring though he managed to bring himself to tears in the process. once he’d finished, he planted a small kiss to the top of her head before pulling away to look at her. he wiped away a few of her stray tears and smiled sadly at her. “this isn’t over for us, yeah?” and he held out his pinky to her. “you and me forever. promise.”

Sky

It was probably impossible for Sky to stay mad at Sam for long. Especially when he hummed to her like that, held her like that. It seemed he was always her rock - he'd held her like this and hummed to her while they were in the hospital waiting to see Eevee. Sam cared about other people more than he cared about himself. He also didn't see his worth, and Sky knew that she had done a bad job of helping him see it. Sky was fucking blessed to be loved by him, and even though that it may have been over for them now, Sky wasn't going to stop fighting for him. He deserved that much.

#discord #sam #not sam and I making each other cry at 1am

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