#WHOM I ONLY SEEK IN GLASS AND MIRRORS AND EVERY KISS IS COLD AND I CSNT FEEL THE WARMTH U USED TO WRAP AROUND ME

[othercrossee]

Fuck u me and luca wedding NOW

[drarrylovebot-blog]

Who Are You?

Prompt: “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

It has started with some very simple, simple things. Harry doesn’t take his tea with cream anymore. He starts drinking it with sugar only. Once Draco tries to make him his usual tea, Harry refuses. And then it escalates to be worse.

At first, Draco ignores all the changes Harry has made, but then it becomes more ridiculous by weeks, and now Draco is worried. Harry stops putting fresh hydrangeas on their dining table. Harry stops taking his tea with cream. Harry stops giving Draco good morning kisses. Harry gets angry if Draco makes a simple tiny mistake, like dropping a mug. Last night, Harry gets angry when Draco tries to cuddle him – he just wanted to help Harry to sleep. Oh, Draco is hurt, so very hurt, but his concerns for Harry overpower every other emotion in his mind.

After a month, Harry becomes miserable, more miserable than what he lets Draco to believe. He closes his personal space, and doesn’t let anyone in, except for the occasional gentle coax from Draco, which he returns with curt one word answers. Draco knows a lot of side of Harry Potter, what scares him is this side looks awfully similar to Harry Potter three months after the war. Cold, calm, but vicious. You touch the wrong button, he’ll bite your hands off. Draco also knows there’s pain and sadness under that dull green eyes. Merlin, how he missed the twinkle in that eyes.

Draco has kept his silent for over a month, but when a shitfaced drunk Harry decides to get home after 2 in morning, then Draco cannot stay in silent any longer. Harry noisily slams the door open and closes it again gentler as the sound hurts his head. Draco is sitting in the sofa, being worried out of his mind, only to be surprised because his fucking boyfriend decides to get drunk without telling him anything. Draco is angry –no, he’s fucking furious he could bite someone’s head off, so he sits silently, watching Harry’s drunken antics with a murderous glare. Harry staggers a little bit, before tripping on his own feet, and lands with his bum on the floor, effectively facing a livid Draco. He has the audacity to grins.

“Hey…o, Malfoy!” Harry slurs his words while grinning. Draco is stunned for a second; Harry is back to calling him Malfoy, but there’s no malice in his eyes. “Youu.. look angryy.” Harry states.

“I am angry.” Draco mumbles as he stands up and walk to Harry, trying to help him stands up.

“Why?” Harry finally asks with his big green eyes, bearing innocent curiosity that almost gets through Draco’s anger. Harry stops walking before tugging Draco’s sleeve with his free hand so that Draco stops to. Draco sighs heavily before looking at the person whom supposed to be his boyfriend. Harry’s eyes stares deeply into Draco’s grey one. “Why?” he repeats in the same tone.

“Because you do this, and because you’re doing whatever you’re doing for the last month and a half.” Draco answers before tugging the hand that is around his shoulder to make them move again. They keep their silent, until Harry is safely tucked on the bed and Draco is leaving the bedroom. Harry catches Draco’s hand before he can move away from the bedside

“Where are you going? Why aren’t you staying?”

“I can’t, Harry, we both know I’ve been crawling out of this bed every midnight to sleep downstairs for the last week.” Harry looks utterly confused and sad.

“Why are you sleeping downstairs? We’re boyfriends, are we not?” Draco sighs again.

“Yes, we’re boyfriends –at least we were until you started pulling all of this stunts.” He mutters the last part. “Doesn’t always mean you want me by your side every night, Harry, and I don’t want to disturb your sleep, as little as it is every night.” Draco answers wearily, this whole thing is hurting him more than he will ever admit. He misses his Harry. “I’m going downstairs, okay, we’ll talk about this tomorrow, please?” he begins pleading –huh, he never thought he can be more pathetic than he already is, but Harry’s expression stutters and he finally lets his vulnerability shows. All Draco’s will to leave is dumped in the nearest bin. Harry’s lower lips start trembling and his green eyes start producing tears, sad eyes stare into Draco.

“I don’t want you to leave. Don’t leave me, please.” His voice cracks and Draco is already kneeling on the floor, holding Harry’s hand tightly while his other hand brushes away the tears. “Don’t leave me, Draco.” Drunken Harry starts to panic. Merlin, what happened to him?

“Hey, hey, shh… calm down, yeah? I’m not leaving; I’m not leaving you anywhere.” Draco tries to say in a gentle voice, fingers keep brushing the leaked tears on Harry’s temple. He moves to his side of the bed, and lies down before hugging Harry to his chest, fingers calmly stroking the black hair in a soothing pace. Harry immediately buries his head on Draco’s chest, tightening his arms around his lover’s waist. Right now, Draco can’t leave –no, he won’t leave. Not when Harry is like this. He lets his protective side to take over when once again he sees Harry as a young, vulnerable, lost little boy he once met in Madam’s Malkin when they were 11. This Harry is Draco’s to protect; he won’t let any harm tears Harry down until he is left in that 11 years old boy vulnerable state. They will have to kill him first before they can touch that boy.

“Stay, Draco, promise me you won’t leave me behind.” Harry finally whispers in his chest.

“I’m here, I won’t leave you until you ask me to do so, I promise.” Only then Harry lets himself be swayed by the gentle numbness of alcohol, let himself be consumed by the darkness, knowing with certain that his Draco will pulls him out and saves him.

*

Draco didn’t sleep at all that night. He waited until the sun rises, before letting Harry goes from his embrace. They need to talk, immediately, and knowing it’s Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, their talk could be the start of something chaotic. It could be the start of their end. So, Draco sits beside Harry on the bed, and waits until his lover wakes up with a glass of water and a hangover potion ready in his hands. Huh, he must have look like a fright right now.

After a few moments, Harry finally groans before slapping the pillow to cover his head. Judging from his state, he won’t remember anything from last night. Draco decides to be kind and closes the curtain on their windows –not much longer now it will be back to Harry’s windows, or Potter’s window. Draco shoves the phial of hangover potion into Harry’s hand, who finally decides to sit up and drinks the potions and water in a very quick pace until he’s coughing. Draco’s hand moves unintentionally to pat his back, but stops before it can reach anything, afraid that Harry will once again get mad at him, which in the end will delay their talk.

“You okay?” Draco still asks though. Softly, gently, in a careful tone. That’s when Harry’s eyes finally catch Draco’s figure.

“You look like shit.” Harry mutters before snapping his eyes into other directions beside Draco’s eyes. Draco actually smiles at that.

“Yeah, you should look in the mirror.” Harry stays silent, picking at the loose thread on their –Harry’s coverlet. “Harry, we need to talk. And I know your head is probably spitting right now, so please just hear me out. I love you, Harry James Potter, I do, but I cannot stay if you keep these stunts up. I don’t know what happened to you, I don’t know what has gone so wrong until you act like this, and you don’t explain. You shut me out for the last month and a half, you don’t talk to me, you changed your way of life, Harry, you worried me so much, but when I went out of my way to understand and try to fix it, you got mad at me. I want to understand your problems, Harry, I don’t want you to bear it alone, but I can’t do that if one day you just suddenly shut me out like I’m nothing! Who are you? I don’t even know who you are anymore! I am your boyfriend, aren’t I? Then talk to me, let me be a part of your life.” Draco finally stops talking and stares expectantly at Harry. After a few moments, it’s clear that Harry will keep his silent. Draco moves closer to him, forcing Harry to look at his eyes. “If you don’t want to talk, I’ll draw my own conclusion. Don’t blame me, if my conclusion is so far off the truth. I don’t know what happened to you, but I’m sorry if it’s because of me. You won’t let me in, you get mad at me, Harry, your behavior is scarily similar to the Harry Potter three months post war. I want to take off your burden, and judging by your actions, I am that burden. If you want this off, then we can call it off, Harry, I’ll understand, but don’t go so far to push me away and change the way you are. I am not worth for you to change your whole life. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want, but don’t hurt me more than it should have hurt. Stop this outrageous behavior, put cream on your tea just as you like it, put those fresh hydrangeas on the dining table just because it smells nice to you, eat your pancake with honey instead of butter, go to that small coffee shop every Saturday morning because of their heavenly Danish. Don’t ever change your life to push someone, especially me, away, I’m not worth it.” Draco stares deeply into the green orbs. He knows he’s crying, but tears be damned, he needs Harry to understand that Harry’s happiness is more important than anything, more than them being together.

For the second time that day, Draco saw the lost 11 years old boy inside Harry Potter. Now there’s no alcohol to excuse his behavior, but Harry still cries and hugs the boy in front of him. His sobs are filling the silent home as Draco crouches down and once again let Harry seeks shelter inside his embrace.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Harry keeps saying between sobs, Draco can only soothingly run his hand through his lover’s hair.

“It’s okay, Harry, it’s okay… I’ll leave before afternoon, and you won’t be bothered ever again by my presence, yeah? It’s okay, I understand.” Draco says softly while freeing himself from Harry’s tight grip. “Come on, don’t cry, I will pack my belongings, okay?” Draco wipes the tear out of Harry’s cheeks, but Harry’s eyes turns to panic, and before Draco can move Harry already has his arm circling Draco’s waist.

“No! What are you doing?! Don’t leave, please, don’t leave!” Draco sighs, emotional Harry is something you’ll rarely see but sometimes it can be a pain in the arse, especially when Draco is already hurting enough. Harry looks at the cerulean eyes before making their height equal, eyes to eyes, knees to knees in the bed. Harry cups Draco’s face in his hands. “You promised me you won’t leave me behind.” Harry pleads softly.

“Until you want me to leave, Harry.”

“I don’t want you to leave. Stay, please, I’m sorry, I’ll do anything, but please, stay.” Now Draco gets angry.

“Harry, if you want to play with my feelings, now is not the time. Let me go. I won’t accept your behavior without any explanations, you won’t give me any explanations, so then I took my own conclusions, and now you won’t let me leave? What do you want, Potter? Do you want me to beg so you let me leave? Is that what you need to see?” Draco challenges the green eyes.

“No, I’m sorry, I’ll explain everything, please, I just don’t want you to leave…”

“Fine! Talk to me, then.” Draco detangled himself from Harry’s palms and lands his bum on the bed, waiting Harry to do the same, waiting Harry to open up to him again.

“A month and a half ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, sweating, panicking, because this scar was once again giving me pain.” Harry sighs wearily, his defenses crumble down, and now Draco can see how exhausted Harry has been. His eyes are full of fear, and the bags underneath it give him a haughty look. “I got so afraid. I am still very afraid.” Harry pulls his knees to his chest and buries his face on them. Draco scoots closer, hand finally reaching to give Harry’s arm a squeeze. After awhile, he finally looks at Draco with haunted eyes. Draco hates it. “Then, I remind myself that I have responsibilities, and you are at the top of my priorities. You were right, I wanted to push you away from my life, making you fly far away from here, tucked safely on the other part of the world and not beside me. I need to make sure that you will not be here if Voldemort is actually back.” Draco looks at him with so much pain in his eyes.

“You do understand that this revelation hurts me more than what you have done for the last month, don’t you?” Harry refuses to look at him.

“At least you’ll be safe.” He mutters.

“Harry James Potter, I was a coward once, I won’t let you shaped me into that coward once again. You have no right to choose the battles that I want to fight. If that moment comes, I will stand beside you, righting the wrong decisions I had ever chose. You are never alone, and I won’t let you ever be alone in the war even if you ask for it. When I saw you that day, lifeless in Hagrid’s hands, do you know what thought that comes into my mind?” Harry shakes his head. “I thought what is the point living in a world without Harry Potter? So, I went back to Voldemort, knowing I’ll be dead anyway the next day.” Draco chuckles a bit, “but then you came back to life, so I throw you my wand and fight for the right side. I thought then dying when fighting on your side is worth so much more than dying on the mercy of Voldemort’s hands. So, I fought. And I won’t change my mind if he comes back again, I rather die by fighting him then die because of his mercy, even though you’re dead.” Now Harry looks at Draco with some sort of awe in his yes. Some sort of awe that Draco doesn’t believe he deserves, even until now.

“I thought I was strong enough to let you leave, you know? But yesterday you just looked so angry and so done with me, but even then I can see the concern behind your eyes. I knew then I won’t survive anything if you leave me behind. I cannot live without seeing that great concern of yours directed only for me, I cannot imagine how I would live if one day you look at me with actual hate instead of your concerns –hell I take your petty arrogance and sneer any day instead of hate. So, I beg you to stay, Draco, I’m still begging you to stay.”

“One, don’t choose the path for my life. Two, don’t push me away. Three, you need to make this up for me for the rest of your life. Seriously, you need to be grateful when I bless you with my presence, and you need to please me every day, and just –Merlin, just don’t do any of these stunts anymore or I will hang you by your bollocks from the ceiling.” Draco looks at Harry in half threatening half stern kind of way, and Harry can’t stop smiling.

“Your wish is my command, Your Majesty.” Draco finally smiles.

“Good, now kiss me before I die of your kiss deprivation. Seriously how could you live without kissing me for the last month, Harry, do you even love me?!” Draco starts asking with his dramatic flare, until Harry seals his mouth with a breathtaking kiss.

“You have no idea how hard it is, Draco Malfoy, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

. .

Drarry Drabble for @hogwartsschoolnet‘s Twenty Years of Harry Potter

My very first ship (Hufflepuff Member’s Content)

Also dedicated to @outtacuppa and @alphacentxuri for whom I owe a good story. Not that this one is very good, but it’s a progress from the shitty drabble that I made.