#WHILE ENDEAVOR GETS TO LIVE??!??!
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if touya dies Iâm actually going to kill myself
#heâs going to die a second time???#WHILE ENDEAVOR GETS TO LIVE??!??!#this is the actual worst#heâs made it through with bad odds before Iâm hoping itâs a mistranslation or something I canât handle this bro#first shig now this??? the villains are being done so fucking dirty#like yes this scene was cute but like wtf how is this their endgame???#how come enji gets a second chance but not touya I genuinely do not understand if this is true#anyways#bnha leaks#bnha manga spoilers#Alex reads bnha#my posts#bnha 426
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leaks from the anime post bnha 430âŚâŚ. #REAL #NOTFAKE
#dabihawks#tododeku#bnha 430#mha 430#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#boku no hero academia#keigo takami#touya todoroki#shoto todoroki#izuku midoriya#now Iâm going to tag the fankid. the old art is terrible do not perceive it#kaito todoroki#hishiro todoroki#SO WHAT IM PROPOSING ISâŚâŚ#hawks goes to work with ochako on the quirk counseling business rather than wtf heâs doing on the ranking system#dabi lives and is reformed and gets plastic surgery (but wants to keep some of his scars as a statementâŚ) and he works with natsuo#he and natsuo have a soba shop. that only sells soba and boba#still trying to decide if Hishiro is a dabihawks kid or natsuos kid#hence why hawks doesnât say âsonâ#I also think endeavor isnât done with his bs and before his . UGH. âredemptionâ signed a quirk marriage pact for Shoto#shoto and his wife (havenât decided on a name yet but sheâs ballin) try to make it work but they realize it just. it doesnât#BUT OOPS SHE WAS PREGANTE. and she figures Shoto would. honestly be fine raising the kid thereâs danger out there in the states#shotoâs also winding down on heroism bc itâs really. honestly I think he would also like to work at a soba shop#he doesnât. but. I feel like thereâs a reason he just mainly goes on midnight patrols yk?#anyway he and deku raise the kid . the momâs involved as much as she can be while being the . yeah I think she would be the most famous hero#in the United States . good for her âŚ. good for herâŚâŚâŚ#if you wanna see me elaborateâŚâŚ u know what to do⌠hit up that inbox#or if u wanna know what happened to the rest of class 1-a in my future auâŚâŚ
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Damn so everyone was as starved for miryumi content as i was? Have another treat
#these are fresh out the oven#looking through my old miryumi doodles for the prev post inspired me again#the sillies#this is genuinely my canon#horikoshi has said nothing about it so its true#while stain was getting curb stomped by a high schooler miryumi were out buying groceries#fuyumi watches every single one of rumis fights btw#to be supportive and out of fear#even though shes generally not all that worried#cause lets be real#mirko could take on god and win on a good day#i headcanon that mirko will answer fuyumis calls live on air cameras be damned#and this is how fuyumi gets obscure celebrity partner status#people know she exists but not who she is#they definitely have a dedicated fanbase though#the day people find out 'yumi' is pro hero endeavors daughter theyre gonna lose their shit#the reveal in the previous post is my canon#anywaysies! self indulgent as usual#fuyumi todoroki#usagiyama rumi#mirko#miryumi#mha#bnha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#wlw#chiquilines draws
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actually i think in a post-canon world where shadow is "brought back" (aka made fully corporeal again because at the end of the manga he is Very Much still alive which i thought was Awesome) he should get the chance to actually make proper friends with link. i know popular fanon consensus is that link was never reformed at the end and green & red & blue & vio all remained separate but i think it would be interesting. there's a lot to be said for the friendship that i think would grow readily between zelda & shadow since it WAS her words and her capture by the dark cloud at the end that ultimately pushed him to aid the light (because he was scared FOR her, which is IMPORTANT) but for all that the friendship between vio and shadow was based on false pretenses there is absolutely no question that they DID grow attached to each other, enough that when vio attempted to smash the dark mirror shadow was very visibly upset and after the four links reunite vio is very much...i wouldn't say regretful, because he knew what he was going to have to do from the very beginning (because shadow WAS very much a threat and i don't blame him for it), but saddened. and the thing is! at the end, when shadow aids the four, they respond in kindâit's green who finds "vio" and instantly tries to get him to lean on him and offers him a hand to help him stand. it's blue that notices that "vio" is having trouble turning the sphere and turns it for him. it's vio that pleads with shadow as he lay dying to just hang in there, and it's green who ultimately tells shadow that he's one of them, which leads to shadow finally letting himself dissolve in the light. it is all the parts of link that surround him in death, and so i think it would stand to reason that if shadow were resurrected he should get to properly befriend the whole person whose parts all accepted him in the end. and honestly i think they'd get along great.
#like i understand where people are coming from when they say they don't like the ending of the four swords manga. i get it. i do#but ultimately link IS all four of them. they live in him because they ARE him just as they lived as him because they WERE him#& there's a lot of flexibility on how one can interpret link after being split by the four sword so maybe shadow actually CAN have#a conversation with vio about how everything went down even while link is one person. because. yknow. link IS vio!!!!!!!!!#the four were all their own people but they are also link. am i saying this in a way that makes sense#and he and shadow WOULD be friends. betrayal aside. if shadow was dead set on never forgiving vio he wouldn't have#pretended to be him and aided the others. he would've just tried to go after zelda himself#as useless an endeavor as that would've been because he was weak as fuck at the time#like. zelda was the one who pushed him to change for real with her genuine words of kindness. she was the first to REALLY offer him that.#but pretending that vio didn't feel some sort of attachment too is dumb and LITERALLY AT THE VERY END ALL THE PARTS OF LINK ACCEPTED HIM.#you can say whatever you want about the viz translation and how it differs from the original but it popped off when vio said#'he wanted to be with us...to be with his family.'#like bro they literally called him family. maybe it was too late to change anything. but it still matters that all four parts of link#acknowledged him as such. vio said that and nobody contested it.#anyway. i have so many thoughts about link&shadow&zelda post-canon. whatever#fsa#txt
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never would i have thought in a million years that i would get close enough to my boss that he would ask me to house sit for him
#chatterye#this is not incredibly uncommon in our dpt#i would like to stress this#but for me? insane#i think i was chose via process of elimination because i a. have no life (least likely to party out of everyone) and b. don't talk#which are both good for this endeavor#the way i asked no questions i was just like if you can get me there and back sure#whatever you want bossman idc#it was actually so funny but so awkward because we are the most awk ppl ever#n e ways that what i'm doing tmr and maybe seeing some dogs w someone else but isn't that crazy#that someone would get to know me and then trust me enough to sit in their house for them LMFAOOOOO#i'm lwky excited to see his house because like . that is so weird and foreign to me#i'm actually going to bet that he keeps his shoes on in the house i can feel it in my bones i hope not but i bet you#the fact that he literally went on a small hour long trip w me where i practically did not speak and then#went on to see me ditch him for 30 mins during work to grab coffee w my coworker the next day and still decided to ask me LMFAOOOOO#sorry i'm saying so much this is just so funny and surreal to me#now he has to write me the best rec letter of my life and of his career#you'll def see a nervous live tweeting here tmr while i'm over there#also i had the most fulfilling ubereats order in a while and it made me happy#i will never get ppl who don't enjoy burgers you're not better than the rest of us i promise#also i got their deep fried oreos for free and when i tell you those mfs were gas oh my god
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thinking about men in business suits. who's tired of their job that makes a more than a living. hardly getting a break from their day to day job and the overtime, it's worst and the only way that relieves them is coming to their chubby spouse who waits for them at home. waiting for their arrival who kisses them by the door and a warm meal waiting for them. their chubby spouse who looks so good in a apron tied around their plush waist and their round tummy poking out.
they can't help but to grab their fat wife while slowly untying the knot of their necktie and just hugs them from behind while peppering kisses all over their face and them your tired husband is burying his face to your neck and then, it's on the bedroom.
dinner forgotten and cold in the table while they feast on your fat cunt. warm and dripping in such wetness that they can't get enough. the taste of your fat pussy is better than the meals they have eaten. they do it as a thank you but mostly they want it. been craving it for the whole day and they can't wait to get their face buried to your pussy with your creamy thighs crushing them.
just been plagued with husband and his chubby wife.
Nanami, Shiu, Higuruma (JJK) Matsukawa, Daichi, Kuroo (HAIKYUU) Yoriichi, Giyuu, Tengen (KNY) Tsukauchi, Endeavor, Aizawa (BNHA) Obi, Benimaru (FIRE FORCE) Gen, Hoshina, Kafka (KAIJU NO.8) Ego, Noa (BLUE LOCK) Taiju, Shinichiro, Wakasa (TOKYO REVENGERS)
#⹠⎠shai's worksâ¸â¸#chubby reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#haikyu smut#haikyu x reader#jjk smut#fire force x reader#fire force smut#bnha x chubby reader#bnha smut#bnha x reader#tokyo revengers x reader#anime x reader#anime smut
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New Ryoko Kui interview dropped!!!
(This is a quick and dirty translation made using machine translation, and which I've lightly edited to add clarity. I'm not fluent in Japanese so I may have gotten things wrong. I'm sure others will do a better job later.
ADDITIONAL CONTEXT: This article is from a Japanese gaming magazine, like the previous interview in Famitsu, so they focus on video games and don't discuss other influences, even though they do get mentioned and are clearly pretty major.)
Kui was able to write "Dungeon Meshi" because she was not good at eating food and participating in human relationships. In this interview, we dig deeper into the influence of games, and how Ryoko Kui focuses on things she likes and dislikes while writing. [Writers of the Gaming Generation]
Dungeon Meshi.
This manga is attractive for its unique theme of "dungeons, defeating monsters in the labyrinth, and cooking them," as well as the unique characters, detailed human relationships, and deep worldview depicted in the labyrinth. It is currently being made into an anime, and adventurers from all over the world are fascinated by the world of "Dungeon Meshi."
So I thought , "I wonder if this work was drawn by someone who loves food and people." The depiction of such delicious-looking food and the construction of delicate human relationships and characters. Surely, it must have been drawn by someone who absolutely loves it.
However, in reality, the author, Kui Ryoko, says that she "is not good at either food or relationships."
So why was he able to continue drawing things she was not good at?
During the roughly 10 years of serialization, Kui has continued to confront "things she dislikes." This interview delves into Kui's unique creative techniques... and at the same time, it also delves into her "favorite things."
That's the "game"!
Those who are familiar with the subject may already know this, but Kui is also a big gamer. And it seems that "Dungeon Meshi" is heavily influenced by RPGs such as "Wizardry."
As a result, this interview turned out to be "I asked Kui a lot about her likes and dislikes." Likes and dislikes. They are the source of all interests and curiosity.
So how do we use this knowledge in our creative endeavors? How does this knowledge manifest itself in Dungeon Meshi?
How were those charming characters and the deep world created? We spoke to the original author, Kui Ryoko, and the editor, Masaru Hiroi, about things they could only talk about after the series was completed.
This is a game with the volume of a great labyrinth. I hope you will explore it all the way to the final floor!
Dungeon food. It's eat or be eaten. There is no superior or inferior, to eat food is simply a privilege of the living. Dungeon food. Ah, dungeon food.
First, I want to ask about how Kui first encountered video games.
--What are some influences from games in Dungeon Meshi? What was your first game, Ms. Kui?
Ryoko Kui (hereinafter referred to as Kui): I played traditional RPGs such as [blank?] and "Final Fantasy."
I think the first game console I ever played was a Famicom, which my parents won in a lottery . So before I knew it, we had a Famicom at home. I think my parents bought me the Super Famicom and PS1 after that...
After that, I took a break from games for a bit around the time of the PS2, but around the time of the PS4, I was finally able to buy games with the money I had earned myself .
--Why were you able to stay away from games around the time of the PS2?
Kui: I was too busy with exams, so I thought, "Well, I shouldn't be playing games," and left. When I started living alone after that, I couldn't play games because I didn't have a TV. My computer was also a Mac. [Macs aren't compatible with many games.]
--What was the trigger that made you think, "I want to play games" again?
Kui: I think the biggest thing was starting the serialization of "Dungeon Meshi."
Fantasy stories all have different settings, but at the same time, there are also things they share in common. For example, if you want to create a fantasy work, but you only know "Dragon Quest," it will end up resembling "Dragon Quest." It's scary to copy the setting of only one work.
So I just wanted to play a ton of different fantasy games and get an idea of ââwhat the most common general understanding of fantasy is.
--Did you start playing it while you were still developing the concept for Dungeon Meal?
Kui: That's right. If I'm going to talk about "eating food," I have to play a game that has a system for eating food .
So I was interested in "Dungeon Master." However, at the time there was no easy way to play "Dungeon Master" on a real machine, so I played "Legend of Grimrock", which can also be played on a Mac.
["Dungeon Master," is a computer RPG released in 1987. Time passes each time you take an action in the dungeon, such as moving, fighting, or resting, so its biggest feature is that the game progresses in real time according to the player's actions. "Legend of Grimrock," is an action RPG released in 2012. It has a game design similar to "Dungeon Master."]
Until then, I had felt that overseas games and games played on PC were too difficult, but I felt like I had overcome one obstacle there. I thought, "Oh, this is pretty easy," and started playing a lot of different games.
-- Those two games are quite heavy even among RPGs, I think, so did you actually have that much difficulty with them?
Kui: No...I would say that my impression is more that best-selling games are easy to play (laughs).
I'm not that good at games myself, so I usually play games that allow you to adjust the difficulty on a super easy setting. So, games that allow you to lower the difficulty are always a lifesaver.
-- I've heard that apart from RPGs , you also like games such as "13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim" and "Paranomasite FILE23: The Seven Mysteries of Honjo ." Do you have a favorite genre, Mr. Kui?
Kui: I guess I'm just not very good at games that require you to use your brain through trial and error.
But in RPGs, if you just level up and keep tapping, you can win and progress in the game. Also, in novel-type games, if you read the text, you can progress. By this process of elimination, I quite like RPGs and text-based games .
Personally, I like games like Disco Elysium the most, which are text-heavy, top-down, and have maps to explore.
...Even I think that's a pretty negative reason (laughs).
Everyone: (laughs).
Hiroi Masaru (hereinafter referred to as Hiroi): But, Ms. Kui, you have really played quite a lot of games, haven't you?
Kui: No, the reason I'm able to play so much is because I play in a pretty callous way ...
I often buy a game, play it, and then just don't play it. So there aren't that many games I complete... I only complete a few a year. I play around 40 games, and if I complete 5 or 6, that's good.
When I asked if I could draw at Comitia, I got scolded.
-- Have you had any exposure to fantasy outside of digital RPGs?
Kui: I think it's not just games, but also the fact that I've always loved foreign fantasy novels . I was given books like "The Neverending Story," "The Lord of the Rings," and "The Chronicles of Narnia."
-- Dungeon Meshi gives off an atmosphere of Western fantasy like gamebooks or tabletop RPGs, rather than the typical Japanese fantasy games like Dragon Quest.
Hiroi: I think I went to Kui's house before the series started. At that time, we were discussing the name of a sci-fi manga called "Drawing Inside the Brain," which I had rejected many times.
Ms. Kui said she wanted to serialize this sci-fi manga... and when he was on the fourth draft, he said, "No, this isn't going to work," and when I looked at the scribbled notes next to her desk, she had already drawn the original version of "Dungeon Meshi" ! (laughs)
Kui: âŚâŚâŚâŚâŚNo, I don't remember much (laughs).
Everyone: (laughs).
Kui: But I had wanted to draw a manga about exploring a dark dungeon, like Wizardry .
Since I was in elementary school, the manga I drew in pencil in my notebooks were all fantasy stories about swords and magic, so I had always wanted to draw a proper fantasy manga. However, there weren't as many fantasy manga in bookstores at the time as there are now, so I wondered, "Maybe fantasy doesn't sell."
Hiroi: At the time, there were a lot of people in their teens and twenties posting fantasy illustrations on online communities for artists, such as pixiv, and Kui was one of them.
I thought, there are so many people who want to write fantasy, so if she writes a fantasy aimed at this generation, it might sell.
And when I saw Kui's notes, I thought to myself, "Let's make a straight-forward fantasy manga, without making it weirdly twisted."
Kui: I originally thought of making this "dungeon exploration manga" as just a hobby... When I asked Hiroi if I could draw it at Comitia first, he got angry.
[Comitia is a comics convention in Japan for original self-published comics.]
Everyone: (laughs).
Hiroi: I said, "If you're going to draw at Comitia, then make sure you draw it as a proper serialization!" (laughs)
However, at that time, Kui had already published two collections of short stories, and they were being reprinted. In other words, she had a certain number of fans even before the serialization began.
So I decided, if Kui creates a pure fantasy for those fans, we can't fail badly. If it doesn't work, we'll just learn that fantasy is difficult to sell after all.
--By the way, were there any discussions between you and Ms. Kui about the fact that fantasy doesn't sell?
Kui: I remember vaguely talking about how fantasy manga doesn't sell well and how difficult it seems. I don't know much about light novels, so that might have been there for a while.
However, since a lot of fantasy manga were coming out around the same time, it was probably a "transitional period ." Maybe it was just when people started to feel more and more like they wanted to draw and read fantasy.
Not everyone is that interested in the things I like
-- I feel that "Dungeon Meshi" is a title that has breathed new life into the fantasy genre. How did you go about creating the setting and world when dealing with fantasy?
Kui: I try to think, "Not everyone is that interested in the things I like."
I like to think about pointless settings endlessly, but there are times when I think , "When this setting is actually made into a manga, people probably won't be interested in this story." So I try to include things that will make people interested, and cut out things that will distract people as much as possible.
For example, in "Dungeon Meshi" I initially wanted everyone to speak various languages. On top of that, I wanted to make the characters "only able to communicate with each other in one language"... but Mr. Hiroi said "Don't do that" (laughs).
Everyone: (laughs).
Kui: Even when I'm drawing it myself, I think, "It takes more than six panels to explain this setting...", and if I explain the setting more than necessary, it slows down the pace of the story.
Moreover, since "Dungeon Meshi" was a monthly serialization, unlike a weekly series, there wasn't much time for extraneous stories. Specifically, I had to draw one episode of about 30 pages per month.
In that case, there was no time to add in settings like "Actually, he was thinking about this behind the scenes" or "Actually, he can speak two languages." So, rather than there being any clear choices, there were quite a few times when "there was no time to do things normally." If it had been a weekly serialization, I might have included more.
--Does the scene where Chilchuck yells insults in his own language feel rather "forced"?
Kui: That's right (laughs).I thought, this only takes one frame...it's my chance [to include information about language]!
--So you haven't thought through all of these "fictional languages" yet?
Kui: If Dungeon Meshi were to be my life's work and I were to spend my whole life creating this world, I think it would be more fun to think about it...but initially, I thought that Dungeon Meshi would end in a few years.
Hiroi: Initially, I said, "It'd be nice if it continued for about five volumes" (laughs).
However, Kui's first draft really had a lot of material... so the editors cut out a lot of it. I understand that it's the parts the readers want to read, but I cut out the parts that deviate from the main story. So it's a battle between the "author who doesn't want to be cut" and the "editor who wants to cut."
--By the way, what kind of discussion took place between the "parts you want to cut" and the "parts you don't want to cut"?
Kui: There were a lot of them every time, but I can't remember them specifically now...it was just small, unimportant details that got cut.
In the scene where the hams made by the Red Dragon go back into the pool of blood, I remember saying, "You don't need these," and they were about to cut them off, but I remember desperately stopping them by saying, "We'll need them later!" I'm glad they weren't cut off.
But once I think of the setting, I want to include things, and then they get cut out, so at first I didn't want to expand the world too much.
I also wanted to complete the story within the dungeon. I didn't want to reveal the name of the country, and I didn't want to give the characters surnames. But in the second half, Hiroi-san told me, "The world is too small, so you should make it bigger," and I was like, "Are you sure?"
--Mr. Hiroi, why did you say that?
Hiroi: As the story progressed, it became clear that "Dungeon Meshi" was no longer just about saving a sister in a dungeon. So I decided that it would be unconvincing if the story had no involvement with the outside world, since what was happening in the dungeon was something that would affect the fate of the whole world.
For example, in real life companies, the more important a decision you make, the higher your superior's rank becomes, right? When I thought about it that way, I felt something was off about the idea of ââLaios and his friends deciding the fate of the world on their own. "How can they make that decision without anyone knowing about it?"
The fact that the Canary Team was there meant that there must have been a system of reporting, contacting, and consulting here, because that's how "society" and "organizations" work.
In short, I think we were thinking about the situation and asking, "If an organization were to get involved in saving the world, how persuasive could they make it given the society that exists in the story?"
Kui: Well, the plot hasn't changed at all.
From the beginning, I had intended to write a story about saving the world, but I also thought it was possible for the world to be saved by only a select few people in the dungeon who knew the circumstances. Changing it was what Hiroi-san thought would make it more persuasive.
When I was drawing the first half, Hiroi told me, "You don't have to decide anything yet." I was in a hurry to move the story forward and explain the world and story setting, but he told me, "It's better to limit it to introducing the four main characters until about the fourth volume." But in the second half, he said, "Introduce more people and expand the world."
Everyone: (laughs).
Hiroi: Kui-san was like , "That's not what you said originally!" (laughs) But both had meaning...
Kui: I was the one saying, "If we expand the world there, the story will never end, right...?"
After drawing it through to the end, I realized that the balance between holding back and expanding didn't work the way I had expected. I think this is one of the reasons why the serialization of "Dungeon Meshi" took so long.
-- But there are a lot of characters in "Dungeon Meshi," and the relationships between them are complicated. I heard that you also created the relationship diagram for "Taikaishu" [âť3] ...
Kui: No, I haven't made one [I didn't do that?]!
[Taikaishu is a full-color web comic by Funako Tsukasa that began serialization on a website in 2005 and is still ongoing. Its unique worldview has earned it a loyal fanbase, especially on the Internet.]
-- Eh? Is that not the case?
Kui: To be precise, I just created an account on the fan wiki.
When I started reading "Taikaishu," I struggled with the complex setting and the large number of characters...and I thought "it would be easier to read if there was an explanation or a list of characters."
So I searched for a bulletin board where readers were sharing their thoughts and asked if there was a summary, but they said there wasn't. So I thought, "Maybe if there was a place where someone with more knowledge could summarize it," and I just made a wiki account.
So I didn't actually edit it. It seems like I've been given credit for someone else's work, and I'm sorry about that...
Dungeon Meshi was created from a sense of guilt about food?
-- "Dungeon Meshi" started off with the catchy theme of "cooking monsters," but little by little the darker aspects and deeper world were revealed. Was the structure of "little by little revealing the darker side" something you had in mind from the beginning?
Kui: I thought I needed a theme to serialize it so I thought I'd try "food education." There were a lot of gourmet manga at the time, but I felt like there weren't many that focused on food education.
-- Considering that the theme is "food education," it makes sense that the nutritional value of the dishes in the story is clearly written down.
Kui: With the theme of "food education," I also thought up a rough outline of the story. Rescue the kidnapped princess, defeat the evil wizard, defeat the final boss, and become king... the framework is pretty simple.
But when I actually tried to proceed with the plan, I realized, "No, this story can't be done so lightly..." At first, I thought I could draw it in a more light-hearted manner.
Hiroi: At first, you were trying to finish the fight against the Red Dragon in one episode, right? I was like, "is that possible?" (laughs).
Everyone: (laughs).
Kui: When I tried to actually tell it in one episode, it ended up feeling like a very brief summary... In order to tell the story I wanted to tell, I had to tell it more thoroughly than I originally thought.
-- Did you have any special thoughts about the theme of "food"?
Kui: No... well... if I had to choose, I'd say I have a strong grudge against food.
Since I was a child, I was a very picky eater, and mealtimes were a pain for me. I hated eating in front of other people, and there was a time when I hated seeing other people eating, so I would look for toilets that were rarely used and eat my meals in the toilet.
When I was doing it, the word "toilet meal" didn't exist, so when the term actually appeared in society I was so happy, thinking "everyone was doing it!"
[Toilet Meals are a social phenomenon in Japan.]
Everyone: (laughs).
Kui: I was thinking, "This is so terrible, right...?" but it was a relief to realize that other people were doing the same thing.
--So what made you choose the theme of "food education"?
Kui: My parents, who were struggling with my picky eating, taught me many things, including the "triple eating" method, but it was no use and I continued to be a picky eater into adulthood. My parents had instilled knowledge about food education in me, but I was not able to put it into practice.
[Kui might be talking about Triangular Eating but I'm not sure.]
So the only thing that remains is that I feel an enormous amount of guilt when it comes to food and eating...
Hiroi: If you think about it objectively, the series starts off on a very negative note.
Kui: But now I've gotten over the habit of eating with other people... or rather, I've come to like it. My editor takes me to lots of delicious places.
--When I was a student, I was trying to leave my udon bowl at school, but my teacher found out and made me eat the packet of udon by myself. There was no soup, and it was really hard to eat the udon by itself.
Kui: It must be tough. I tried to hide it, but my teacher found out and I got really angry.
Hiroi: I've tried to hide it in a drawer before. Then, something dried up came out of the drawer... (laughs bitterly).
How can I draw things I hate?
-- Or rather, is it the fact that you're not good at it that gives you a higher level of insight into the food?
Kui: I think it's because you're interested in it that you either like it or dislike it. Inevitably, you spend a lot of time thinking about it.
Since "Dungeon Meshi" depicts a lot of food, one might think "Do I like eating?", but in fact there are many times when I draw it because I dislike something .
--Aside from food, do you also draw things that you dislike?
Kui: Maybe. For example, human relationships, modern times, fashion...?
-- Perhaps the relationships between the characters in "Dungeon Food" are portrayed so delicately because the author is not good at dealing with human relationships?
Kui: I've always been very curious about things like, "(This person is usually so cold, but has such a charming smile in front of other people)" ...
I feel the same way, but I think people are different in the way they show their true colors. I think it's strange that it stands out to me...
-- I have a simple question. When you draw something you hate, how do you feel? No matter how much you hate something, do you find it fun to draw it?
Kui: The events in the manga don't directly involve me, so I don't dislike the things I'm drawing as much. Also, when I draw while looking for the good parts, it can lead to new discoveries.
Also, I think it's scary to draw only what I like.
In my work, the important thing is "what to capture with the camera," and there's no need to go out of your way to capture filthy things, but at the same time, I think the world will look bigger if you keep in mind that "there are a lot of inconvenient, dirty, and unpleasant things outside the camera." That's the feeling I have when I paint/create manga.
When playing a game, if I have to choose between a game where I only feel like I'm in the world inside the game screen, and a game where I feel like there are lots of people living on the other side of the screen, and that the people in that world could travel anywhere they wanted, I think the latter is more fun to play.
I'm always thinking about how to express that "sense of the vastness of the world" ...and I personally like games that have "a world" to them.
-- Do you ever incorporate elements from the game into your manga?
Kui: On the contrary, I think that is a part that cannot be adopted .
The best thing about games is that each person has a different experience. Games that have lots of endings are also a result screen for what you've done up until that point. When I see something like that, I think, "That's so cool."
Personally, I think that's the game's greatest appeal, and something that could never be replicated in a manga that doesn't have players.
If you're so busy, when do you play games?
-- I'm personally curious, how do you find the time to play games? Even though you're busy with your work as a manga artist, you play quite a lot of games.
Kui: I often use the Steam Deck before going to bed or during breaks between writing manuscripts. In fact, I almost only use the Steam Deck now. I keep it by my pillow, so I can take it and play before going to sleep, or during breaks...
--Is Steam Deck really that convenient?
Kui: I recommend it. The screen is small, but it can run Cyberpunk 2077 .
Also, personally, I've gotten tired of having to turn on my PC to start up a game...with Steam Deck, I can just turn it on and it starts up instantly, even when I'm lying down. How do you writers usually play games? There are times when you have to play games for work, aren't there?
--When it comes to work, I calculate backwards how long I'll be playing before I start playing...If it's a game that can be completed in about 60 hours, I usually estimate that I'll play for 3 hours a day and complete it for 20 days in a row.
Hiroi: It's a lot of work!
Kui: That's amazing... You really are a gamer.
I've always thought that I have a talent for playing games ... but I'm not really good at that. If I'm given a game that's a little difficult, I get tired of it right away, and I'm not very good at trial and error. The range of things I can enjoy is very narrow.
I wonder if game developers around the world are also struggling with the question of "Should I make my games accessible to a wide range of people, even those who aren't particularly gamers?" or "Should I make games that are challenging and can be played deeply?" The same problem exists with manga, too.
When there's a game that I can't play well, I feel happy because it means the creator decided that there's no need to pander to people who can't keep up.
-- By the way, when you play games, do you do it as a normal "hobby"? Or do you play more often to find material for your manga?
Kui: Of course, a big part of it is that I play games as a hobby, but it is alleviated by the fact that playing games might be useful for my work (laughs).
Even if I'm not that interested in a game, if I think "it might be useful for work," I'll find the courage to buy it, and no matter how expensive a gaming PC is, I can still buy it if I think of it as a work tool. So the hurdles for many things related to games are lowered for the reason that it's "for work."
--So, when you read manga, do you feel like you're reading it for work?
Kui: In my case, manga has become my job, so when I read it I can't help but think of work.
However, I still enjoy gaming as a hobby . That's why I don't want to lose this hobby... and I don't think I'll be able to enjoy it as much if I get involved in games as a job, so I don't take on any games-related jobs.
Does the depth of the world come from the fact that it is "not decided"?
-- I heard in advance that "Dungeon Meshi" was written with a clear awareness of "what should be explained" and "what shouldn't be explained," so could you tell me more about that?
Kui: Having read a variety of fantasy novels and games, I thought that the "moment of discouragement" was the "repeated use of foreign words." When you write something like "XX of XX of XX," if there are three or more katakana characters, there is a high chance that it will be skipped over by Japanese readers.
That's why I try to refer to town names as "the neighboring town" whenever possible, and refer to characters who appear in flashbacks as "uncle" rather than by their full names, so that readers can understand without having needing exposition.
The magic used during battles in "Dungeon Meshi" is depicted in such a way that you can "understand what kind of magic it is just by looking at the picture."
-- What other aspects of Dungeon Meshi are there that you deliberately left out of its concrete settings?
Kui: Numbers and language are the settings I avoided touching. For example, just by deciding the month of birth, it is first determined that there is a moon in this world. From there, it is also determined that there is gravity.
What's more, just the concept of a "birthday" means that there is a division into a "year" and that the world is determined to have a 365-day cycle. It quickly becomes complicated.
But on the other hand, if I were to set the details and make it something like "This country's currency is 1 gold, which is worth 5 yen," it would be a burden on the reader. When reading the work, the reader would be forced to convert it into "1 gold = 5 yen" in their minds every time. That's why I try to write it with "readability as a priority" as much as possible.
However, if you're creating a "fantasy" in the truest sense of the word, it would be better to create something that corresponds to that world's calendar or metric system in order to really immerse yourself in that world, so it's difficult to get the balance right...
-- I think that style of "deliberately not giving explanations" is quite amazing.
Hiroi: I think that 's definitely partly because "Dungeon Meshi" is a silly title.
The "mindset" of the reader is a little different...I think that from the very beginning, the reader is made to recognize that "this work isn't going to say anything too difficult."
Kui: Also, we had to give a bit of thought to coming up with the character names.
For example, the main characters in Wizardry are given names that correspond to their professions, such as "Warrior" or "Wizard." The "Senshi" in Dungeon Meshi was taken from that ... I named him after thinking, "I want that person to play an active role."
That's why I wanted the overseas version of Senshi's name to be "Fighter", but I was worried that overseas readers would be like, "What does that mean...!?" so I kept it in my head.
--The character names in "Dungeon Meshi" tend to be around 3 or 4 letters long and fit nicely.
Kui: If the name gets too long, it won't fit in the speech bubble...It's generally said that a line in a speech bubble should be about 7 to 8 characters long to be easy to read.
So "Chillchuck" is really long... I actually thought that the abbreviation "Chill" could be used more, so I named it that way, but it didn't work out so well, so in the end I just kept calling it "Chillchuck". Even I was thinking "that's long" while drawing it (laughs).
Everyone: (laughs).
Kui: Anyway, there are quite a few manga-like circumstances where "maybe four characters would be enough."
--By the way, are there any rules for naming the characters in "Dungeon Meshi"?
Kui: It's not detailed, but there are "settings within the story" and "meta-settings that are just for my own enjoyment."
For example, [if Dungeon Meshi was a game] the Shuro party has names that would be given by a certain type of player. When playing a games, some people give their characters themed names that follow self-imposed rules. In that sense, meta-wise, the Shuro party is played by a player who names their characters with a plant-based restriction.
Also, since the player likes girls, the party members are all girls, and so on... (laughs).
Hiroi: Oh, I didn't know that!
Kuon: ...While it's fun for myself, I also create characters by asking questions like, "Why is the party mainly made up of women?" or "Why do they all have similar names?"
However, even if I revealed these settings in the story, it wouldn't have made the story any more interesting, so they are merely "settings that only exist in my own mind."
-- What are some specific examples of "settings that you deliberately didn't reveal"?
Hiroi: I still remember when I said, "I want you to depict the elven kingdom in more detail," Kui replied, "That's going too far."
The dwarven country was depicted quite a bit, so I personally thought it could have been shown a little more...
Kui: I felt that if I depicted that, it would limit the reader's imagination.
There are definitely "lines that suggest something might happen," and when it comes to parts that are better left to the reader's imagination, I often choose not to draw them.
Also, even when we present settings that readers think they can just skim through, they often try hard to remember them...
It all started with the manga "Eating soba through your nose."
--Let's go back to the topic a little. How did Ms. Kui and Mr. Hiroi meet?
Hiroi: I think we scouted her.
I saw a short story that Kui had posted on Pixiv and sent him an email asking if I would like to draw a manga. I remember that he had a really funny four-frame manga called "Eating soba noodles through your nose ." It was about a character eating soba noodles through his nose and crying out in pain... I think I was drawn to his drawing ability, which made me feel like "Wow, that looks painful" when I saw it (laughs).
And from that point on, we have come to this point.
[This may not be the exact comic that Hiroi is talking about, but it's a comic Kui posted on her blog about someone eating soba through their nose.]
Kui: Oh, is that so? Isn't it something like "Shugaku Tenshi" [âť4] ?
Hiroi: No, that's not true! The manga about eating soba noodles through the nose was made before "Shingaku Tenshi". By the way, that manga was planned to be published in "Rakugakihon" , but when I asked Kui-san "Can I publish this?", she was very against it...
Kui: No, that's fine, but... I didn't think other people would find it that interesting.
Everyone: (laughs).
Hiroi: But that was more than 10 years ago...
--By the way, was Mr. Hiroi the first publisher to contact you?
Kui: Before that, an editor at East Press had contacted me. I was originally publishing fantasy manga that I had drawn as a hobby on my personal website. I compiled them into a self-published original comic and exhibited it at Comitia, and they asked me, "Would you like to publish this long manga as a book?"
However, after the editor asked around to various people, it seems he was told that "this will be hard to sell"... so the plan was dropped. Instead, it was decided to release a "short story collection" of short manga that had been published at the same time . This is "The Dragon's School is on the Mountain: A Collection of Works by Ryoko Kui" published by East Press.
I was contacted by a few other people as well, but the two people I still keep in contact with are Mr. Hiroi and the editor at East Press.
-- When you went from drawing short stories and web comics to starting a commercial serialization, did you study anything like "how to draw a serialized work"?
Kui: I learned almost everything about how to draw manga from Mr. Hiroi and the editors and writers at Harta .
I had absolutely no understanding of whether panel layout was good or bad, so up until the middle of the serialization, I would rearrange the storyboards one panel at a time, and I would get lectured like "Don't put a panel like this here."
I was also impressed when I was shown original manuscripts by other artists. They look beautiful in print, but the real thing is even more impressive. This is what it means to be good at drawing manga.
It didn't finish as I expected
-- Speaking of "serialization," you mentioned earlier that you initially intended to end it at about volume 5. Did "Dungeon Meshi" continue longer than you had anticipated, Ms. Kui?
Kui: First of all, I didn't really understand what a "serialized" comic meant, so I didn't even know how much of a story I could get done in how many pages. So, I thought I could wrap up the story nicely in about five years, in five volumes.
But I never quite got around to finishing it. It was so hard... (laughs).
Hiroi: To be honest, when I first heard "Volume 5,"I thought to myself, "(Are you kidding me...?)" I didn't say it out loud though (laughs).
--Honestly, even as a reader, around the time of the fight with the Red Dragon in volumes 4 and 5 I was starting to feel like, "Huh? It seems like it's coming to an end soon..."
Kui: From the beginning, my goal was to "defeat the Red Dragon at the halfway point." However, I was supposed to fight the Red Dragon in Volume 4, even though it was supposed to be 5 volumes. So I thought, "Huh? It's not over yet," and I gradually lost interest.
By the time I got to around volume 10, I felt like no matter how much I drew, it would never end. I didn't want to drag it out, but no matter how much I drew, it just never seemed to finish.
Hiroi: Even from an editor's perspective, it seemed like Kui was getting very anxious from around volume 10 onwards.
-- Having finished the long-running serialization of "Dungeon Meshi," did you experience any changes in your mindset?
Kui: I think it was great to have the experience of learning that it would take 10 years to draw a story of this scale. And when I think about my lifespan and how many more works I can draw... it makes me dizzy.
Hiroi: I feel like I'm constantly fainting...
-- Ms. Kui, are there still any works you want to draw in your mind?
Kui: Not that much. But I love drawing manga, so I want to draw a lot. I don't know if I'll have the stamina to continue for another 10 volumes, but I want to continue working as a manga artist somehow.
But maybe... I don't think it will sell that well next time...
Hiroi: Stop! Don't say that!
Everyone: (laughs).
Kui: In that respect, "Dungeon Meshi" sold well, so I was able to draw what I had imagined to the end. Next time, I think it would be better to consider the opposite scenario of "if it doesn't sell" and make it shorter.
That's the next new challenge.
-- In addition to the expectations for your next work, do you feel any pressure?
Kui: In my case, the first collection of short stories I published was fairly well received. For a manga I drew for the first time, that's about it.
That was a relief, but at the same time, I felt that "Ideally, the reputation of my next work will also steadily increase, but there will definitely be ups and downs." If the reputation of the next work is bad, will I be able to continue drawing without getting discouraged? I realized that the "battle with myself" had just begun , and I was terrified when I read the first volume.
What game has cute illustrations, in your opinion?
Kui: This is a completely different topic, but you 've played SaGa Frontier 2 , haven't you? Aren't the pixel art in SaGa Frontier 2 really cute?
--The pixel art in SaGa Frontier 2 is...the best!
Kui: The illustrations in "SaGa Frontier 2" have such exquisite balance... if you try to express that in a picture, you can't reproduce that cuteness. It's like "exquisite head-to-body ratio."
-- In your opinion, Ms. Kui, are there any games that have cute illustrations?
Kui: The first one that comes to mind is definitely SaGa Frontier 2. Also, I still remember how cute the character designs were in Final Fantasy Tactics.
But back in the day, I used to trace characters from FF7 . I thought, "There are so many cool designs in the world..." (laughs).
Hiroi: Nomura (Tetsuya)'s drawings are amazing, aren't they?
Kui: I traced Cloud and Aerith on tracing paper and quietly said to myself, "So cool..." and got really excited. I noticed something while I was working on the "Dungeon Meshi" anime...basically, games and anime are made by many people, aren't they? So I always thought, "Many people must be giving various opinions to make them."
But when I got involved, I realized that one person's power is quite large. This was quite surprising. I thought that there were multiple people who wrote the script and storyboards, and that each person had their own responsibility, but... the power of one person is quite large.
ââNo matter how much the work is divided up, it's important to have a director or supervisor who brings it all together.
Kui: Yes, in the end, it depends on the power of the person who takes the lead ...
However, at the same time, I think that the division of labor between scriptwriting and storyboarding is something that would never be possible with manga. In the end, you have to create everything in one person's mind, so "bias" inevitably arises. So personally, I don't like the idea of ââit becoming a "world created in one person's mind."
Hiroi: However, not only in manga but also in novels, the individual author's personality is strongly expressed. I wouldn't go so far as to say "ideology"... but the person's way of thinking is strongly expressed.
Kui: Speaking of which, people who create games alone, such as indie games, are amazing.
It's often said that manga artists "come up with everything, from the art to the story, all by themselves," but I don't think they can compete with independent game creators who create the music, programming, and art all by themselves.
Moreover, even more than manga, no one can give their opinion until the game is completed. If you think about it that way, making a game by yourself is really a "one-man battle." At the same time, what I like about games is that there are quite a few "works that are not made with much consideration for cost" ... I enjoy it a little bit.
-- Do you ever think, "I want to make a game?"
Kui: I once bought RPG Maker , but it ended up being a complete failure... (laughs).
Everyone: (laughs).
Love for "classic RPGs" was a major influence on "Dungeon Meshi"
-- I'd like to ask you, Ms. Kui, since you play a lot of titles on Steam and other platforms, have you ever had any problems playing a game?
Kui: Simply put, a "game that doesn't work" is a problem (laughs).
This sometimes happens with games made by individuals on Steam... they don't have any reviews, so there's no way to deal with it other than contacting them directly. There have been a few times when I've been stuck and wondered, "What should I do?"
Other times, I'll buy a title that just happens to pop up at the top of Steam's rankings. Sometimes I'll play it thinking, "The graphics are kind of cute, so I'll give it a try," only to find that it's incomplete beyond the framework.
--So now people are playing titles that aren't that major.
Kui: Also, when I played Planescape: Torment, which is said to have influenced Disco Elysium.
While playing, I came across a character who was suffering from a terrible curse that made his whole body smell and become sticky. A quest was triggered to ask the NPC who had cast the curse to lift it, but when I asked them to lift the curse, I ended up being cursed with a curse that made me have constant hiccups ...
So when I was walking around the town, the "hiccup" dialogue started popping up all the time. What's more, every time it happened, I would freeze up for about 0.1 seconds. All the dialogue was filled with "hiccups." Anyway, it was a troubling curse.
I had no idea how to deal with this either, so I decided to just kill the NPC who had put the curse on me. The NPC also challenged me by saying, "Maybe if you kill me, the curse will be lifted?", so I tried killing him, but... it didn't lift the curse at all (laughs).
Everyone: (laughs).
Kui: I thought maybe the quest would progress in other places, so I walked around here and there, but the curse was not lifted after all. I was really curious, so I looked back at overseas information exchange thread online, and I found someone had written a lecture that said "You know what happens if you kill an important NPC without thinking about it, right?"
So I realized that this curse can never be lifted again. Even if I wanted to rewind, it was an auto-save, so I had to go back almost to the beginning... I was really... in trouble!
-- But "Planescape: Torment" hits a pretty impressive spot. Was it something that just happened to catch your eye while you were browsing Steam?
Kui: I originally liked games in the same genre as Baldur's Gate, so I think that's how I got into Planescape.
Also, I saw information that a huge amount of text in Planescape was translated by one person... I'm not very good at English, and games like Planescape have a lot of text to begin with, so I'm at a loss if it's not translated into Japanese .
However, when extraordinary people like those who make Planescape use their precious time from their lives to accomplish great things, I feel very grateful.
-- So, Ms. Kui, do you prefer games that are closer to the classics?
Kui: That's right. The first game I played was The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, and it was so much fun that I searched for "games similar to Skyrim" and played a lot of the games that came up.
All of them were completely different games from Skyrim, but they were fun. However, I don't like "old games". I think that newer games are generally more polished and well-made.
-- Wizardry, which influenced Dungeon Meshi, is also a classic work.
Kui: When I was a child, I saw my father playing Wizardry V : The Heart of the Maelstrom. As time passed, I remembered that there was a game called Wizardry. The game I played at that time was Wizardry VI: Forbidden Pencil.
I also played Wizardry V , but it was hard to see the map unless I chanted a spell. I was directionally challenged, so even though I had a guidebook at hand, I couldn't progress.
--By the way, were you more interested in making a manga out of "Wizardry" than the tabletop RPG "D&D" ?
Kui: When I was researching fantasy, "D&D" was often mentioned... but I had never even heard of "TRPG" before. First of all, you can't play it without friends, and I was shocked to find out that lots of people have friends they can play with like this...!?
Everyone: (laughs).
Kui: So when I looked up TRPGs on Wikipedia, I couldn't imagine that people actually played this kind of game. I was more confused and thought, "How can people really role-play in front of other people?"
After that, I watched replay videos on YouTube and it was only then that I understood how games like D&D worked.
Games, manga, novels. What is the purpose of all creative works?
-- What was the last game you played?
Kui: Recently I played a school management game called "Let's School." It's made by a Chinese company that also made "My Time at Sandrock."
Hiroi: You really like that kind of game, don't you? (laughs) Oh? Haven't you played "FF7 Rebirth" ?
Kui: I'm thinking about playing the remake of FF7 once it's completed.
Hiroi: No, no, if we don't do it now, we'll never finish it! It'll be a long time before we do it!
--Honestly, I also thought it would take about 10 years for FF7 Rebirth to be released.
Hiroi: I thought it would take about that long too... I really wanted it to be completed while I could still see. So, please do it!
Kui: Once it's finished...I want to play it all at once (laughs).
--Do you and Ms. Kui often talk about games?
Hiroi: Ms. Kui sometimes says, "I want to talk about this game, so I want you to play it." I played "Red Dead Redemption" because of that. Also, a long time ago, Ms. Kui recommended "13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim."
Kui: Whenever there's a game I want to discuss with someone, I always recommend it to Hiroi.
But maybe I haven't been playing games as much lately. Until now, I've been playing games because I thought of it as "for work," but now that the serialization of Dungeon Meshi has ended, I've been playing less games.
Moreover, I'm not the type of person who gets that into one game...I don't generally play through a game in repeated playthroughs, and I'm usually satisfied once I've finished the story.
Hiroi: Then we have to start [a new ] serialization soon.
Everyone: (laughs).
-- I'd like to ask you personally, do you have any "recommended indie games"?
Kui: I highly recommend "Papers, Please" and "Return of the Obra Dinn."
First of all, "Papers, Please" is a simple "spot the difference" game, so I didn't have high expectations at first. But when I played it, I felt like there was a proper "world" to it . Also, I was curious to see how the story continued.
And "Return of the Obra Dinn" had a great atmosphere. There were hints to solving the puzzles if you looked closely, but there was also a good balance of being able to force your way through, and the music and production were cool.
Hiroi: Come to think of it, you read quite a bit of the novel after the serialization ended, didn't you?
Kui: Ah, you mean "1984" by George Orwell? That was good...
I've always thought that creativity isn't necessary for life... It's entertainment, so it's not essential to life. But after reading "1984," I thought, "I guess creativity is necessary after all."
Humans need stories to experience things that should never come true, to prepare for bad things, and to prepare for understanding other people... You might think, "You should have already learned that when you were younger," but I was deeply moved by this realization.
Anyway, I feel that it would be great if people could learn things they didn't know before through this work.
Hiroi: ...Overall, it just felt like we had a fun time talking about games (laughs).
Kui: We just used the interview as an excuse to talk about the game (laughs).
-- No no, thank you very much for sharing your valuable story! (End)
I think I can understand a little bit about being interested in things you hate.
It's easy to analyze "why do you like something?" when you like it, but it's surprisingly difficult to analyze "why do you dislike something?" When you understand the reason, it seems that "why do you dislike it" is often more meaningful.
Perhaps creative works exist in part to help us understand the things we dislike.
I was able to hear a lot of deep "creation stories" that made me think about such things. Also, Ms. Kui is a huge gamer. Mr. Hiroi also likes games quite a bit. Since serious talk and game discussions alternated, the content may have been emotionally confusing. But I feel like "Dungeon Meshi" has a similar atmosphere.
If you haven't read "Dungeon Meshi," please take this opportunity to read it. It depicts a fun adventure. On top of that, it may help you prepare for difficult things that might happen in your life someday. Of course, it's also extremely interesting as a manga. I think it's definitely one of the best "entertainment" of our time.
Why does the body want to live? What does the mind want?
This is because we have a "desire" to pursue what we like and dislike. In fact, "things we dislike" are just as important as "things we like." By understanding our own "likes and dislikes" through creative works and entertainment, humans can prepare for things that happen in their future lives. Food and creative works are equally important for human growth.
...That said, I'm not sure if it has a nice punchline, or maybe not.
To eat. To experience creative works. These are truly the privileges of life. In order to live, we must continue to eat.
Now it's time to eat. What shall we eat today?
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pairing: matt sturniolo x reader summary: where matt tucks you in while on stream - little did he know the fans could see every part of it. warnings: none just fluff & established relationship, pet names (just sweetheart) !! a/n: requested !! <3
your breath was beginning to slow and your eyelids began to feel heavy.
you had been burrowed in matt's sheets scrolling through instagram for the last hour (you started on tiktok but matt threw a tantrum about copyrighted music).
"chris, please-" he pleaded, before a sigh of defeat left his lips. "dude, come on."
you chuckled as you heard chris screaming both through his headset, and from downstairs in his room.
they had been running fortnite for the last hour or so while matt streamed on twitch, his eyes occasionally shifting to glance at you and shoot you a soft smile.
the fanbase had been fully aware of the presence of yours and matt's blossoming relationship. it took a lot of considering, but after conversation between the two of you and his brothers, you decided to go public.
most of the fanbase took it well. of course there were going to be people who didn't support you two, but that didn't mean anything to the two of you.
"guys, give me one second," matt stated softly while he peeled his headset off of his head, gently nudging the camera to move it over.
your eyes shifted from your phone to your boyfriend approaching.
"you getting sleepy, sweetheart?" you cooed, kneeling down on the side of the bed to smile warmly at you.
"somethin' like that," you replied, a soft smile on your face as you felt his palm reach up to gently hold your cheek. his thumb gently caressed your cheekbone, his blue eyes not once leaving yours.
you both sat there for a moment before he sat up and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "get comfortable," he stated softly, walking around the bed to get you an extra blanket.
he returned a few minutes later and pulled the blanket over you, gently caressing your shoulder and upper arm. "comfy?" he asked softly, and you nodded with pink cheeks. "here," he gently grabbed his pug stuffed animal. "mr. wrinkleton will keep you company while i stream, is that okay?" he asked.
you couldn't help but smile widely at the gesture. "more than okay." you gently took mr. wrinkleton and pressed your lips to his nose with a soft kiss. "thanks for keepin' me company, lil guy." she smiled before she smiled at matt, who couldn't help but admire her and her every move.
matt gently tilted your chin up with his finger and pressed a soft kiss to your lips.
you gently smiled against his lips.
"hellooo? matt, where the hell are you?"
matt gently pulled away and rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "chris is calling," he pulled the blanket back up to cover you before he made his way back to his desk and plopped down. "yeah yeah, i'm here." all you could really hear was chris's shouting on the other end, but you didn't mind.
"guys, come on." matt scoffed while reading the chat.
"not our fault you left your camera on and went to kiss your girlfriend," nick protested.
"dude, don't even say it like that." chris shouted in response, his tone one of disgust.
and with that, you somehow managed to fall asleep to the sound of your boyfriend's keyboard and mouse, along with the occasional battle cry in his fortnite endeavors.
the next day rolled around, and you and matt were in the living room while nick and chris sat in the kitchen.
matt had been scrolling through his phone before his cheeks turned into a pinker shade.
"what?" you asked, scoffing and turning his phone towards you to see.
an edit. of you and matt. last night.
"damn, they're quick with it, aren't they?" you smiled and leaned your head against matt's shoulder.
"dude, are you talking about the edits of you guys? yeah i might have to uninstall tiktok." chris spat, the corner of his lip raised in disgust.
"what? i think they're cute, and they can make whatever they want," nick started, before his expression fell, "as long as they don't come up on my page anymore."
you scoffed and waved your hand. "whatever."
the two left to go to nick's room, and matt turned to you with a soft smile. "the edit.. it's not that bad."
you raised an eyebrow. "yeah? you like the edits?"
matt shrugged and looked away. "i mean. it's got you in it."
"matthew," you smacked his shoulder and giggled softly before he wrapped his arm tightly around your shoulders. he pressed a kiss to the top of your head and sighed with content.
"i love you." he sighed out with a soft smile.
taglist;; @sturnsxplr-25 @vampiree-555 @wh0resstuff @jetaimevous @sturnioloshacker @lovesturni0l0s
#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fluff#matt x reader fluff#matthew x reader#matt x reader
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37 Minutes [pre-outbreak!Joel x f!reader]
Read on Ao3
Fandom: The Last of Us
Ship: Joel Miller x you/f!reader
Tags/warnings: Cunnilingus, multiple orgasms, (kind of) forced orgasm, squirting, PiV sex.
Summary: You wake up one morning needing Joel, and he comes as soon as you let him know that. And while his life may be busy, he takes the time to thoroughly satisfy you.
Words: 2,092
A/N: This is inspired by this post by @swiftispunk. It came across my dash around Easter and it's been living rent-free in my head since then. Finally had time to write it. Enjoy!
Itâs just one of those mornings when you wake up with that itch that your own hand or your box of toys canât do anything about.
Getting out of bed and pulling on a t-shirt, you grab your phone and go out to the kitchen to put the coffee on. You send Joel a text, short and to the point: Got time?
He calls you immediately. You smile as you press the green receiver.
âThat was fast.â
âYou read my mind,â he tells you in a muffled voice. âI woke up thinking about you.â
âThen come over. And you couldâve texted me that.â
âTexting takes twice as long, I ainât got time. See you in fifteen.â
You barely get to finish your coffee before you hear Joelâs truck on your driveway, and youâre not even by the front door when he knocks on it. As soon as you open the door, heâs through it, arms around your waist, lips on yours. Heâs in a hurry, you can tell, but you love these hurried meetings, if only because he wants you so much. You love being wanted this much, this hard, this desperately.
He tastes of coffee, same as you, and a little sweat on his upper lip. Itâs early, but the temperature is already in the mid-eighties. Your AC is keeping your home nice and cool, though.
You shove the door close and wrap your arms around Joel's neck, kissing him back and groaning when his hands slide down to your ass, fingers digging into the soft flesh as he pushes you up against him. He is already stiff, and you wonder if heâs been so during his entire drive here.
"Don't have long," he lets you know between the kisses. "Gotta get to a building site across town in an hour, and - "
"Then make it count," you cut him off, and Joel reacts immediately, grabbing the hem of your t-shirt, and pulling the garment off of you. He presses his lips on yours again, hands on your tits as he walks you backwards to the bedroom. The kiss breaks only for as long as it takes him to get rid of his own clothes before he pushes you down on the bed. He immediately kneels before you and pulls down your panties before leaning in to kiss your cunt. You sigh out the first little hint of pleasure, but that sigh turns into a moan as Joel wastes no time teasing you. His tongue, quick and agile, starts to work your clit.
âJoelâŚ!â you keen, legs opening wide to give him better access between your thick thighs. Heâs sloppy and loud, but not aimless in his endeavor. His hands travel up your thighs to your belly, then to your breasts, where he rolls your nipples between forefingers and thumbs. You buck against him, keening to encourage him to go on, take hold of his hands and push them against your tits to make him grab them. He hums against your clit, looking up and grinning at your enthusiasm. How he can smile and have his tongue do that to you at the same time is beyond you, but you do not dwell on it as Joel puts it into a higher gear. Tongue on your clit, he pushes you quickly towards your peak, and when the pleasure turns more intense, you start to grind against him, your fingers plaiting with his and holding on, head thrown back to your Yes, yes, yesyesyes! until his tongue takes you over the edge. Your legs twitch as you try to catch your breath, but Joel doesnât give you much of a respite.
âânother one, beautiful,â he murmurs, licking his lips and letting go of your hands. âYou taste so fuckinâ good.â
He attacks your clit again, licking, pushing, and prodding. Your hips buck up but are immediately locked down to the mattress by one of his strong arms placed across your lower abdomen. Your pussy clenches when you feel his fingertips at your opening. The second after, he slides two fingers inside you, his tongue and lips still on your clit as he finds that magical spot on your front wall. You shout out, back arching off the mattress, hands digging into the sheets as he massages that spot.
âGod, Joel, oh God, donât stop, fuckfuckfuck!â
Heâs breathing heavily against your folds, but his tongue doesnât stop, and his fingers are insisting on drawing a second orgasm from you. Itâs almost too much, but you woke up wanting him, needing him, so you let your mind go blank and surrender, your moans turning more and more breathless the further you go. When you come, there is no sound, only a momentary stiffness in your entire body before you fall apart. Youâre trembling all over, but Joel still goes on licking you. Your clit is on fire, your pussy is clenching, but goddamn him, he doesnât stop.
âJoel,â you cry out, âstop, I canât, I need a rest!â
âOne more,â he tells you gasps, letting your clit be for just a moment. âI know you can, baby, be good for me now, gimme one more.â
You shake your head and press your thighs together, trying to crawl away, but Joel exhales sharply and grabs your waist.
âJust stay where you are, sweetheart, itâll be over soon.â
He pries open your legs again, and this time he plants his mouth on your clit, and sucks. Your upper back shoots up from the bed but Joel already has his arms around your thighs, holding them open, locking his head firmly between them. The pleasure is almost painful in its intensity, shooting through your entire body, and youâre desperately trying to hold onto his head, the sheets, yourself, anything to relieve the force with which heâs sucking your overstimulated clit. But Joel doesnât budge, and when you start to kick, he gets up onto the bed and lifts your lower body up into the air. Never once does his lips leave your clit, and you feel his scorching, labored breath on you, but nothing else suggests that heâs having any trouble lifting half of your heavy body off the bed. You kick, and he growls, finally letting go, but only to grab he backs of your thighs and bend you double. Your swollen pussy is obscenely on display, and you donât get to ask him to wait before he slots his lips over your clit again.
Youâre helplessly trapped, bent double and held in place by Joelâs strong builderâs hands, moaning and cursing until the pressure becomes too much. You hear a splash, Joel who hums and slurps, and you laugh without knowing why. Warm liquid is running down between your ass cheeks, and Joel latches back onto your clit, this time gulping the wet before getting a hold.
The third orgasm finally tears through you, and Joel releases you to tremble before him. You want to close your legs, but your hamstrings are so intensely stretched that you have to roll over onto your side to press your thighs together. Your clit is throbbing painfully, the skin around your pussy is grated raw by Joelâs facial hair, but heâs already nudging you to return onto your back.
âYou did great, darlinâ,â he praises you thickly, his tongue stiff after its service. âJust lemme grab a rubber, and Iâll fuck you good, okay?â
You whimper in return and blink your eyes open. Joelâs face, blurry at the edges, is somewhere above you, smiling at you before disappearing out of sight. You can dimly see the ceiling fan rotations, but truth is you can barely see at all, so you rub at your eyes before drawing your fingers through your hair.
Joel returns next to you, and you dimly hear the rustle of the condom wrapper. He takes his place between your legs, opening them gently.
âBe a good girl for me, or Iâll eat you out again,â he asks you sweetly, and you know you wonât survive that, so you let your knees fall to the sides, even if your hips are getting tense.
He slides into you slowly but surely, one inch after the other until heâs fully sheathed. Bending over to kiss you, his tongue slow now, he gives you a moment to adjust before he straightens his back, takes you by the waist, and starts to pump into you. Itâs fast and shallow, and he gets breathless quickly, huffing out each quick breath before sucking in new air in time with his thrusts. You donât even know if youâre breathing at all anymore, but youâre catching up with him now, and raise your hips slightly to meet his thrusts. He growls and comes down onto his forearms, getting in deeper. You embrace him, pull him down and into you, guide his head right next to yours where he hides his face in your neck as you pant your encouragement into his ear. You kiss, bite, and suck his neck, scratch your nails down his back, and slap his ass.
âHarder, Joel, harder, I need it harder!â
He snarls, his head snaps up from your neck as he gulps air into his lungs. His arms curl around your head as he picks up the pace. His cock is so deep, so hard, filling your pussy to the brink of annihilation it seems, and he doesnât stop, he just goes on and on fucking you, his body slick with sweat that rubs off on you, his breaths growing increasingly audible for each thrust.
âFuck!â he finally grunts before pulling out. âRoll over, baby.â
You obey, getting on all fours, and are immediately shoved down onto your chest as he slams into you. Hands on your hips, he goes hard and fast, groaning now as he breaths, one hand scrambling for a grip on your lower back without finding. His cock keeps assaulting your pussy, you are in heaven, and you still keep asking him to go harder. He pushes you down, hands pressing into your lower back as he goes on fucking you, reaching impossibly deeper each time, until youâre screaming and have to muffle yourself by pushing your face down into the sheets. Joel swears, his hips start to move erratically, and then he drives himself deep inside and stays there as he roars, pushing even deeper.
He slumps down next to you, panting like after a marathon. You turn your head to better breathe, but you canât turn move your legs. Joel lies next to you, eyes closed, mouth open as he draws shallow breath after shallow breath, skin glistening with sweat. You want to say something but have to lick your lips several times before you can form words.
âFuck, but youâre good.â
He blinks, and slowly turns his head towards you.
âWhat?â
âYouâre so fucking good at this.â
âAm I?â
His cluelessness is adorable.
âYes, you are, Joel!â
âI donât knowâŚâ He makes a move that resembles a shrug. âI just enjoy you.â
Like this is just any ordinary fuck. You smile widely, a new kind of warmth spreading inside you. Joel just is that kind of humble person.
He now draws a deep breath, sighs it out, and then sits up. He leans over you to kiss your back, shoulder, neck, and finally mouth.
âI gotta go.â
âSure.â
He leaves the bed, throwing a glance at the bedside clock radio.
â37 minutes. Thatâs a new record.â
âJesus Christ.â
You hear the rustle of clothes and manage to roll over onto your back. Everything hurts so good, and youâre grateful you donât have work today.
Joel sighs. âYou look so fucking pretty, baby.â
You hum, smiling at him. As he picks up his t-shirt, you remember something.Â
âPut it on the right way.â
âHuh?â
âYou had your t-shirt on backwards and inside out when you got here,â you giggle. âMake sure itâs the right way now.â
âBut then Tommy will notice, and heâll know where Iâve been,â Joel points out pragmatically, still putting the t-shirt on the right way. It immediately gets dark spots in the front.
âI think heâll know either way,â you yawn. Joel returns to bed for one last kiss.
âFuck, I wanna stay.â
âI want that too.â You cup his cheek to keep his lips on yours for a moment longer.
âMmmâŚâ he hums into your mouth. âSee you this weekend?â
âAbsolutely.â
He presses one last kiss on your mouth before leaving you to your boneless rest.
#joel miller#joel miller fanfic#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x f!reader#pre-outbreak!joel#young joel miller#my fic
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I fucking hate Kinzo so much this man made a deal with a witch for like 10 tons of gold and is mad that his kids couldn't go out and start their own businesses and make as much money as he has. Motherfucker you made a deal with a WHOLE ASS WITCH for all that and used it for influence to make MORE!! You had the biggest and only supernatural head start! Bitch I'll shoot you.
#and like i had a thought. Krauss's failure was his ego. he just wouldn't stop and kept building up debt from failing endeavors#Eva or rather Hideyoshi's 'failure' was that he gave a shit about his workers. he cared about these people but his investors don't#and these greedy bastards are trying to kick him out of the company#Rudolph as far as I know is in some copyright infringement mess and the company suing them seem greedy too#so it sounds like he got careless and ran into the wrong one though corporations are greedy anyway so...hay in a hay stack#and Rosa's fashion company is just not getting business idk too much there and she's off living it up with some man while not inherently#wrong she is leaving a whole 9 year old to fend for herself and will beat her if the neighbors find out so community/babysitter is just#nonexistent for this poor child. literal neglect and abuse hello
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teach me
pairing: frank castle x fem!reader
summary: you want frank to teach you self defense, but it doesn't quite go the way you expected.
warnings: swearing, some angst, mentions of guns, explicit sexual content (minors dni)
word count: 8.3k
a/n: what better way to end this year and start the new one than with our favorite hot bodyguard. don't ask me how many times I watched that scene with him and amy. it was for science. as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!
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âYouâre being a dick.â
âHey, you said you wanted to learn.â
âYouâre still being a dick.â
âYeah yeah, you ainât gettinâ no sympathy from me, sweetheart. Now câmon, try again.â
It was a good thing the cabin was isolated in the middle of the woods, because if anyone had been looking in the living room window at that very moment, they wouldâve definitely called the police in horror. Frank had a gun in his right hand that was trained on you, and while he wore a neutral expression on his face, your brows were furrowed in pure annoyance and there was a faint scowl on your lips.
Letting out a huff of irritation, you kept your eyes focused on the gun in Frankâs hand, getting back into somewhat of a fighting stance again. Clenching your hands open and closed a few times, your teeth sank down into your bottom lip before you suddenly rushed forward in an endeavor to take the gun out of his hand.Â
But just like he had done the past seven times you tried this, Frank easily managed to block your attempt. He grabbed your wrist in his free hand and spun you around swiftly, pulling you back firmly against his chest while a deep chuckle sounded right next to your ear.
âThat was real cute.â
Letting go of you, Frank took a step back and lightly pressed at the back of your knee with the heel of his boot, sending you down to your knees below him. He decided to take it a step further and used the toe of his boot to gently shove at your ass, causing your hands to fly out to catch yourself, rendering you on all fours in front of him. Turning to narrow your eyes at him over your shoulder, the smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth let you know that was very intentional.
âYou know, if you wanted me on my knees, all you had to do was ask.â
âThat right?â
Grumbling a string of curses under your breath, you pushed yourself back up onto your feet and turned around to shoot a death glare in Frankâs direction. His plush lips instantly parted into a crooked grin while he looked at you, cocking his head to the side slightly while his eyes twinkled in amusement.
âAw, whatâs wrong baby, hm?â
âI already told you, youâre being a dick. Youâre supposed to be teaching me-â
âThen why donât you quit actinâ like you know everythinâ and start askinâ questions, yeah?â
âHow the hell am I supposed to know what questions to ask? I asked you to teach me. Teach me means tell me what to do.â
âAnd when have you ever done what I told ya to?â
As you opened your mouth to protest, Frank arched one of his thick brows and shot you a pointed look, and your rebuttal quickly died on your tongue. You did have a history of ignoring his instructions completely and doing whatever you wanted anyway. With that in mind, you let out a deep exhale through your nose and crossed your arms over your chest.
âOkay, thatâsâŚfair. But this is completely out of my area of expertise. I have no idea what Iâm doing. Iâve never even held a gun until four days ago. And for the record, when it comes to something serious, I do listen to you. This is serious, and Iâm listening.â
Originally when you asked Frank to teach you self defense with a gun, he was completely against it. He made the argument that with him around, you wouldnât have to worry about that, to which you reminded him of the incident where two people tried to kill you in your own home where you had nothing to protect yourself with and no knowledge of how to in the first place.Â
The two of you went back and forth about it for at least an hour. He made the case that it was a one time incident that would never happen again, and argued that nothing was ever going to happen to you in the first place anyway because he showed up to take care of it. You argued back that Frank wouldnât be by your side twenty-four seven anymore and would eventually be assigned to someone else, possibly taking him far away for extended periods of time.
In the end, you wore him down like you usually did until he gave in and you got your way.
Frank took in the impatient and stubborn expression covering your features, the one he had become all too familiar with and grown to adore. You were a force to be reckoned with when you wanted something, just as much as he was. Even though he didnât want you to ever have a reason to use a gun, he would rather know you were safe and could handle yourself in his absence if it came down to it.Â
âAlright, alright. Wipe that pout off your face and câmere.â
Doing your best to conceal your tiny smile of victory, you went to stand in front of Frank, but he held his large hand out to stop you and motioned for you to move back a little.
âKeep your distance, okay? You donât wanna be too close. Now, step one.â
Frank reached out to grab your wrist and brought your hand up towards the barrel of the gun, placing his large hand on top of your own and squeezing gently to signal for you to grab onto it. Once he felt your tight grip on the barrel, he slid his hand over to grab onto your forearm and pushed against it, which caused the gun in his right hand to shift directions. It was no longer aimed at you, but pointed at the wall to your left.
âYou wanna take the gun offline, yeah? Look.â
Glancing up at him briefly, you nodded to show him that you were paying attention. When he pulled your arm back in the position it was before, aiming the gun at you once again, you quickly redirected your focus back to his large hands. To reiterate what he was trying to explain to you, Frank repeated his demonstration two more times to make sure you understood.
âOffline, right? Offline, right? And push hard, as hard as you can.â
While Frankâs eyes were locked on you as he demonstrated the first step, you were studying his movements, committing every detail to memory. It seemed simple enough in theory so far. Keep your distance, grab the barrel of the gun, and push it away from yourself hard. When he let go of your arm, you let go of the gun, and you looked up to see that Frank was already watching you.
âShow me.â
Without hesitating, you swiftly reached out to grab the barrel of the gun and forcefully pushed it to the left. Frank let you redirect it to a certain point, and then pushed back to hold the gun in place. His strength was something you couldnât combat, and as you kept pushing at the barrel, his resistance made the gun almost wobble in your hands.Â
âAttagirl. Easy, easy. Relax.â
Frank reached out with his left hand and grabbed onto your wrist, gently squeezing it to steady your hand.
âAlright, now step two, you go for that wrist, yeah? You get control. Go.â
Immediately you reached out with your right hand to wrap your fingers around Frankâs wrist to grab onto it tightly. Giving a slight shake of his head, Frank pulled your hand off of his wrist and guided it underneath his wrist instead.
âLook, underneath, yeah? Underneath. Go for the joint. Joints are weakest.â
Everything Frank was showing you seemed so simple that it filled you with a false sense of confidence. With your right hand under his right wrist, you gripped onto the barrel tightly with your left hand and took a step back as you tried to tug it away, thinking it would spring loose. Frank let out a grunt of disapproval and pulled his right arm back, easily slipping the gun out of your grasp completely and causing you to stumble forward a bit. He had a somewhat stern look on his face as he wagged the gun in your direction twice.
âEasy, bang bang. Donât ever pull a gun towards you. You push it away.â
Letting out a huff of annoyance as your previous overzealous confidence fizzled out, you looked up at Frank as he held his left hand out towards you to signal for you to stay in place. He wasnât teasing you anymore like he had been earlier. This wasn't Frank that had made you strawberry pancakes and caressed your legs while they sat in his lap as the two of you shared breakfast this morning. This was Frank that nearly sent your ex to the morgue instead of prison. He was back in full protective bodyguard mode.
âListen to me. Use your legs, get underneath, and twist. Donât pull, twist. Yeah? Câmon, show me.â
Taking a deep breath, you gave a slight nod and went over the steps in your head. Grab the barrel of the gun, shove it away from yourself, slip your other hand under the wrist joint, and twist the gun away. Your lips faintly twitched as you silently recited the steps to yourself three times for good measure. Frank didnât make a move to rush you. He kept his eyes on you and waited patiently until you were ready to give it a try.Â
Sucking in one more deep breath, your tongue darted out to wet your lips, and you sprung into action. Taking a quick step forward, you reached out to tightly grab the barrel of the gun with your left hand, and while you pushed it away to the left, you simultaneously slipped your right hand under Frankâs wrist. Twisting the barrel of the gun forcefully to the right caused Frankâs wrist to twist with it until he was forced to let go, and in that short window of weakness you were able to pull the gun out of his hand with a hard step backwards.
Glancing down at the gun in your hands, your eyes went wide with surprise and your mouth hung open as you let out an incredulous laugh.Â
âHoly shit, that actually worked!â
Frank held his hands up like you had just made a touchdown, and he started to clap as a proud tooth bearing grin stretched over his lips.
âLook at that, huh? Who got a gun, huh?â
Looking up at Frank, your lips parted into a huge grin of your own while you held it up like a trophy and spoke in a proud voice.
âI have a gun.â
âAttagirl. Youâre goddamn right you do. You did good, sweetheart. Real good. Feels good, yeah?â
Biting down on your bottom lip, you let out a soft laugh while admiring the gun in your hands. Well, more so admiring the fact that you were able to actually take it from Frank. The only reason you felt comfortable holding the gun right now was because Frank had shown you the clip was empty before he started demonstrating the basics earlier.Â
Pointing a loaded gun at Steven had been different. You were blinded in a fit of rage, not thinking clearly, but deep down you knew there was no way you would have actually pulled the trigger. However if you had been level headed, you probably wouldnât have taken it from Billy, even if he offered.Â
âYeahâŚyeah it does.â
And it did feel good. It made you feel strongâŚless helpless. Frank was giving you back a sense of safety and security that had been stolen from you when you were first threatened by the Defenders of Freedom. Even if you never used this lesson, and you genuinely hoped you wouldnât have to, you felt a surge of confidence knowing that you were at least capable of protecting yourself in some capacity.Â
âOkay, step three.â
A pinch of confusion settled between your brows as you looked up at Frank when he mentioned a third step, and you noticed that he wasnât smiling anymore. A grim look had settled over his features that sent a chill of unease down your spine.
âYou just took a gun off someone that wanted to use it on you. What dâyou do.â
The delight of pride had disappeared from his face and was swiftly replaced by a shadow of severity that was now coveting his sharp features, and the elated grin that was on your own lips had slowly fallen from grace. It was a rhetorical question you both knew the answer to, but you hadnât factored in a third step. It hadnât even crossed your mind, and Frank could see that in your eyes.
âYou use it on them. Donât matter who they are, you do not hesitate. You got that?â
Looking down at the gun in your hands, the weight of it was suddenly too heavy in your palms. Step three was a reminder that step one and two werenât just to boost your confidence in protecting yourself; they were steps to defend yourself. Swallowing thickly, you nodded your head in silent understanding.
âGood. Show me.â
Frankâs voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. It wasnât a command, but it wasnât a suggestion either. Placing both of your hands on the gun the way he had shown you to properly hold it, you took a deep breath, slowly raising it to aim in Frankâs direction. You werenât sure if it was the fact that he knew the clip was empty, or that this most likely wasnât the first time he had stared down the barrel of a gun, but he looked completely unphased. The canvas of his face was expressionless, but his eyes were what you had learned to read. Only right now, you couldnât understand what they were trying to tell you.Â
The gun trembled slightly in your grasp, as if every cell in your body knew exactly how wrong it felt to point a gun at Frank, loaded or not. The self defense lesson you wanted for a possible yet highly improbable scenario had quickly become too heavy and realistic, and you were quickly regretting even asking for it.
âShow me.â
âIâm not doing that-â
âIt ainât loaded-â
âFrank, I donât want to-â
âWhatâd I say, huh? I donât care who it is, you do not hesitate. Ever. Now, show me you understand.â
Frankâs tone was a little more forceful, but the volume of it was still even and somewhat soft. You knew there were no repercussions if you didnât pull the trigger. He had learned early on that he couldnât make you do anything you didnât want to, and you trusted him enough to know that he would never try to force you. Frank never demanded anything of you, he always asked.
But you had asked for this, and he wanted you to follow through with it.
Clenching your jaw, you let out a shaky exhale through your nose, and you slowly squeezed the trigger like he had taught you to yesterday when you were out in the woods using cans as target practice. The click that sounded caused you to flinch, and it seemed to echo loudly in the living room. Frank on the other hand didnât visibly react to it at all.
Without another word, you placed the gun down onto the coffee table a little too forcefully and headed towards the back door, wanting to put as much distance between it and yourself as possible. Frank caught your wrist before you could get too far and gently tugged you back towards himself.
âHey-â
âIâm going for a walk.â
âNo, you ainât. You ainât runninâ away, youâre gonna stay here and talk to me. We ainât doinâ that not communicatinâ shit. Why are you upset?â
âI told you I didnât want to do that-â
âYou asked me to teach you. I said no, but you kept on begginâ. What did you think this was gonna be, huh? You think you get a gun off someone, and it ends there? No. As soon as you get control and take it, you use it. No negotiatinâ, no questioninâ it, you do it-â
âAnd what if I canât, Frank?â
The distress in your voice made him pause and clench his jaw. He could see that you were visibly upset, and for a moment he wondered if he was being too hard on you. You said it yourself, this was not your area of expertise. It was his. Frank had years of professional training under his belt. Pulling a trigger was something he didnât even have to think twice about. It was an automatic response. The aftermath of what followed didnât even make him bat an eye. There were always casualties in war.Â
But you werenât a soldier, and having to actually pull the trigger on someone would be something that haunted you for the rest of your life if it came down to it.
Letting out a deep exhale through his large nose, Frank stepped forward and wrapped one of his arms around your waist to pull you into his embrace while using his other hand to slip his fingers gently into your hair to brush it back before cradling your face in his right hand.
âListen to me. If it comes down to you, or someone else, you do whatever you gotta do to save yourself, you got that?â
The rational part of your brain knew that Frank was right. If you had taken a gun from Cavella or Walker, you wouldâve had to shoot them. Thereâs no way they wouldnât have missed the opportunity to kill you if they had it. But the emotional part of your brain was struggling to figure out if you could handle the consequences of taking someoneâs life, justified or not. Frank could see the internal conflict in your eyes, and he lightly brushed the calloused pad of his thumb along your cheekbone as the rough timbre of his voice broke the tense silence.
âHey, no oneâs sayinâ you gotta shoot âem point blank, alright? Iâve seen your aim, and it ainât all that great anyway. Youâd be lucky to scare âem off with firinâ a terrible shot just so you could get away.â
Rolling your eyes at his comment, you let out a dry laugh. As much as you wanted to be annoyed, he was right. You were terrible. You didnât hit a single can yesterday, even at close range. You did manage to scare the shit out of some crows in a tree though.
âYou are such an ass.â
The edge of Frankâs mouth twitched up into a light smirk while giving your waist a gentle squeeze.
âAnd youâre cute thinkinâ you could actually do some damage. I know a blind guy that can hit targets better than you. Look, you gotta stop gettinâ upset âbout things that might not even happen, alright? If it ever comes down to it, remember that youâre the one controllinâ the gun, yeah? It ainât controllinâ you. Wherever you aim, the bulletâs gonna go. You can shoot âem in the leg, foot, shoulder, hell shoot âem in the dick for all I care. Thatâll keep âem down for a while. You just promise me youâll pull that trigger. You get âem down however you want, and then you get the hell outta there. Thatâs all you gotta do, yeah?â
Frank dipped his head to catch your eyes, staring intently into them. Letting out a deep breath, you bit down on your bottom lip and nodded while placing your hands on Frankâs biceps. You could do that. Injuring someone just to get away was a lot more manageable for your conscience. Frank lightly grasped your jaw in his large hand, his bottom three fingers wrapping around your throat while his index finger and thumb held your jaw. He tipped your head back so that you had no choice but to look up at him.
âLemme hear you say it.â
Staring up into his warm brown eyes, you gazed up at him silently for a moment before speaking.
âNo hesitating. I promise.â
âAttagirl. Câmere.â
Frank leaned in to capture your lips in a soft and sweet kiss. Sometimes it amazed you how easily he was able to talk you down from the ledge. Frank was a man of few words, but he somehow always knew exactly which ones to say to ease whatever anxieties were weighing on your mind. And the distraction of his plush lips against yours also certainly helped.
Ever since the other night by the fireplace, every kiss between the two of you that started out soft and sweet had a way of evolving into something more passionate and insatiable. Maybe it was the months of denying your feelings for one another, or maybe there was just some magnetic pull between your souls, but whatever it was, neither of you could get enough.
Before you could even register that you were moving, Frank was lifting you up by your hips and setting you down on the dining table, his hungry kisses leaving a searing path along your jawline and down the column of your neck.
âDid good today, sweetheart. Did real goddamn good, made me so proud.â
Frankâs gravely songs of praise in your ear only further ignited the flame of desire that was burning in your lower belly. Despite the warmth of his large palm touching your bare skin as he slipped it underneath your shirt to caress your lower back, a shiver teasingly tumbled down your spine from the contact.
âI had a good teacher.â
âNah, I think youâre just a natural, baby.â
âI thought I had terrible aim?â
âDidnât say you were perfect. Everybodyâs got their strengths and weaknesses.â
A soft laugh escaped your lips before you could stop it, and you could feel the rumble of Frankâs deep chuckle vibrating in his chest that was pressed against yours.
âWow, you really know how to sweep a girl off her feet, Castle.â
Frank pulled back slightly to look down at you, his eyes traveling over your figure to drink in the sight of you sitting on the edge of the dining table before they slowly wandered back up to meet your gaze. He arched one of his thick brows as a smug smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.
âYours are currently danglinâ, sweetheart.â
Before you could retort with a smartass comment of your own, Frankâs mouth was back on your neck, leaving open mouthed kisses along your sensitive skin. Feeling his tongue gliding along your collarbone and giving it a delectable love bite, you closed your eyes and let your head fall back, granting Frank all the access he wanted to your skin.
The feeling of his lips on your neck was so heavenly you almost didnât notice that he had popped the button on your jeans and tugged down your zipper until he was lifting you up slightly with one arm around your waist and pulling the denim down your hips with his free hand. As soon as your jeans were completely off, your own hands were reaching for Frankâs belt buckle, but he grasped your wrists and halted your attempt. A soft noise of protest quickly slipped past your lips.
âFrank-â
âShh shh shh. Spread your legs for me, baby.â
A rush of heat pooled in your cheeks at his request, but you obliged immediately. Frank leaned in to kiss you deeply, swiping his tongue along your bottom lip and nipping at it softly while his thumbs hooked into the waistband of your panties and slipped them off too slowly for your liking. The sudden contact of the crisp autumn air coming in through the open windows hitting your slicked folds had you gasping, and Frank used that to his advantage by slipping his tongue into your mouth to caress your own sensually.Â
âSpread âem wider for me, sweetheart. Câmon.â
Frankâs deep voice was quiet, but it nestled in your ears as comfortably as it did between your thighs. He pulled you a little more towards the edge of the dining table, and when you spread your legs further for him, he sank down to his knees in front of you and let out a low groan of appreciation at the sight waiting for him.Â
âAttagirl, thatâs it. God, look at you. You should see how fuckinâ pretty you look right now, baby.â
His large hands gripped onto your soft thighs, kneading and squeezing your flesh with his thick fingers. Frank didnât waste a second before diving into your cunt face first. As soon as his warm and wet tongue began to strum your clit like chords to his favorite song, your eyes nearly rolled into the back of your head. He brought your legs over his broad shoulders, burying his face so deep into your core, you werenât sure how he was breathing.
Your hand quickly found a fistful of his slightly grown out hair that you gripped onto to steady yourself, and when you gave it an experimental tug, the vibration of his groan against your clit had your thighs trembling more than any toy you had ever gotten for yourself before.
âFuckâŚFrankâŚâ
Frank let out a loud grunt as he pulled back for just a moment to stare at your glistening pussy almost in awe, his hooded eyes briefly meeting your own for a second before focusing back on the display of your desire for him.
âTaste so good sweetheart, so fuckinâ good. You got no idea how long Iâve wanted to do this.â
He dove right back in, this time slipping his tongue inside of you to explore while using his large nose to bump against your clit repeatedly. The stimulation had your back arching off the dining table and a loud moan echoed throughout the cabin. Tugging harder at his dark roots, you pushed your hips up against his face, desperately and greedily searching for more. None of your exes had ever eaten you out like this before. Most of them didnât even know what the fuck they were doing, and the rest gave up after a few minutes because it âtook too longâ, but still expected you to suck them off until your jaw ached.
But FrankâŚGod, Frank knew what he was doing. His thick fingers were digging into the soft flesh of your thighs, following your hips wherever they went. The groans that continued to vibrate against your clit not only turned you on because of their stimulation, but because you could tell that Frank was genuinely enjoying eating your pussy. The fact that he was getting just as much pleasure out of it as you were had you on the brink of an orgasm alone. Frank had a way of making every experience feel brand new, and it made you realize just how much you had been missing out on in your previous relationships.
That familiar bubbly feeling was building up inside of you, cresting slowly like a tidal wave ready to wreak havoc on an unsuspecting beach. Your breaths were coming out in short staccato variations, and at this point you were roughy tugging at Frankâs hair with both hands while essentially fucking his face. Not that he seemed to mind at all. If anything, it just seemed to make him more feral.
âYesyesyesyesâŚplease-fuck, FrankâŚIâŚIâŚâ
Frank pulled you even closer towards the edge of the dining table to where your ass was basically hanging off of it, and the jolt of his large palm smacking against your ass was the only indication you got that he understood what you were trying to tell him.
You thought you had more time, but your climax suddenly crashed into you without further warning, and your hips were stuttering as Frank continued his incessant assault on your pussy with his tongue. It seemed like he didnât want to let a drop of your essence go to waste, and while you appreciated his enthusiasm, the way he was flicking his tongue rapidly against your overstimulated clit was riding that very thin line between pain and pleasure, and you were weakly shoving at his broad shoulders.
âOkay okay okayâŚFrankâŚfuck, please! JustâŚgive me a second, God-â
Frank dragged his tongue up your entire pussy from your entrance to your clit one last time before granting you mercy with a low growl. While you panted heavily laying back against the dining room table, he was pressing featherlight kisses to each of your inner thighs, but due to your body feeling like a live wire, they felt like faint shocks that had your body jolting every time his wet lips met your heated skin. He chuckled deeply watching you respond to his touch.
âYou alright there, sweetheart?â
Lifting your hand, you gave him a weak thumbs up, and Frank just laughed even louder in amusement at that. The sound of his laughter combined with your own blissed out post orgasm state had a lazy grin stretching over your lips. You felt his large and rough hands slipping underneath your shirt, gently caressing your bare skin and grabbing your waist while he leaned over you, kissing your lips deeply. The taste of your own sweet tang on Frankâs tongue had your head spinning, and a soft hum sounded in the back of your throat. Even though you were still recovering from your first ever oral orgasm, the feeling of Frankâs hard cock straining against his jeans and rubbing against your inner thigh reignited your greed.
Brushing your hand slowly down his chest, you palmed him firmly through his jeans, and Frank let out a grunt while pushing himself further against your hand. He broke the kiss momentarily to nuzzle his large nose against your throat.
âIf ya need a minute-â
âNo. Now.â
While you unfastened his belt in record time, Frank placed his hands on the table on either side of your head and pulled back to look down at you with a soft chuckle at your impatience. He lightly cocked his head to the side, his brown eyes darkened with lust as they roamed over you shamelessly. His tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip, and a crooked smirk caressed his mouth.
âAnybody ever tell you what an impatient lil thing you are?â
A smirk of your own tugged across your lips while you slipped your hand into his jeans, stroking his thick cock through his briefs, earning a quiet grunt from Frank.
âApart from you every day since we met? Maybe a few other people. Is my lack of patience really what you wanna talk about right now, big guy?â
The sultry tone of your voice did not go unnoticed by Frank, and in fact, it only made his cock swell even more in your welcoming hand. He slowly moved his hips back and forth as you teasingly stroked him and leaned down closer towards you, nuzzling his nose along your throat before whispering huskily into your ear.
âGot somethinâ better in mind.â
By the time Frank had carried you down the hall to the master bedroom, the two of you had left a trail of forgotten items of clothing strewn like breadcrumbs along the path from the kitchen. He let you push him back against the mattress and grabbed your hips to pull you on top of him, his lips moving in sync with your own, but when you felt the swollen head of his cock bump against your clit, you suddenly pressed your palms firmly against his chest and pulled back while breaking the kiss.
âWait.â
Frank immediately paused, loosening his grip on your hips, his lust clouded eyes clearing a bit while searching your own and wandering over your figure for the source of the problem.
âWhat? Whatâs wrong, sweetheart?â
The concern in his rough timbre combined with the worry in his soft brown eyes made your heart melt. A gentle smile covered your lips while you reached out to delicately hold his strong jaw in your hands, and you leaned in to kiss his lips softly.
âNothingâs wrong. I just donât think itâs fair you get to have all the fun.â
Frankâs apprehension morphed into confusion, and a few creases nestled between his thick brows.Â
âHuh?â
Letting out a soft laugh at how adorable he looked when he was confused, you decided to explain with actions instead of words. When you moved backwards off his lap to settle between his legs, Frank raised himself up on his elbows, following you with his eyes as he watched you intently.Â
âWhat are you-holy shit.â
Frankâs jaw went slack the second you leaned in and wrapped your lips around the head of his cock, swirling your tongue around it once before beginning to take a few inches into your mouth. Placing one of your hands on his left hip, you teasingly moved your lips up his length until he was out of your mouth with a satisfying pop. Pursing your lips, you let a string of glistening saliva slowly drop onto his tip and used your free hand to spread it down the rest of his thick cock for lubrication, and after wrapping your fingers around his girth, you began to twist your wrist up and down slowly.Â
You could feel how tense he was through your hold on his hip. Glancing up at him through your lashes, you noticed that he was staring directly at you, completely mesmerized, and was gripping onto the sheets so tightly you thought he might rip them. Moving your hand from his hip, you reached out to caress his hand, and he slowly loosened his grip, his knuckles no longer stark white. His plush lips were parted, and he was breathing hard, his thick brows knit in complete focus. You allowed him to slip out of your mouth for just a moment to smile softly up at Frank.
âJust relax.â
The sweet sound of your voice seemed to reach his ears, and after a few more moments of hesitation, Frank finally laid back against the mattress and let his head rest on the pillows. He moved the hand that was underneath yours to grab your wrist, turning your hand over so he could slot his fingers between yours to hold it. His other hand slowly came over to card his fingers through your hair before cradling the back of your head. Giving his hand that you were holding a light squeeze, you continued to hold eye contact with Frank while slowly sucking him off, using your hand that was around his base to work over what wouldnât fit in your mouth.
The sound of his quiet grunts and low moans sent a thrill through you, and you wanted to know just how vocal he could get. Letting go of his hand, you placed both of your palms firmly on his hips and relaxed your jaw completely, taking his entire cock into your mouth until his tip hit the back of your throat. A guttural groan ripped from the depth of his chest and his lower abdomen instantly tensed up as he gripped onto your hair.
âGoddamn-fuckâŚfuck, sweetheart. DoâŚdo that again. PleaseâŚplease baby, do it again.â
Taking in a deep inhale through your nose, you prepared yourself to deepthroat Frankâs thick cock again, and this time you held him there until your eyes started to water. He let out a louder moan of your name, and that caused the throbbing between your thighs to evolve from dull to downright unbearable. You thought about sneaking your hand downwards to get a little relief, but Frank had been so unselfish when he ate you out, only focused on your pleasure, and he deserved that same treatment.Â
All of a sudden, Frank roughly tugged at your hair, and that made you moan around his cock. You heard him let out a quiet fuck under his breath in response. He gave your hair another tug to get your attention, and his cock slipped from your lips as you licked them and tried to catch your breath while staring at him, noticing that he had sat up.
âCâmere.â
He didnât give you a chance to protest before he grabbed your throat and pulled you in close to kiss you fervently. Frankâs large and rough hands grabbed your hips and pulled you onto his lap again, and you let out a soft whine against his lips when the head of his cock rubbed against your sensitive clit.Â
âFrank, I didnât get to finish-â
âAs much as Iâd love to come down that pretty throat, I need ya baby. Need ya now.â
Grabbing the base of his cock, Frank positioned himself perfectly with your entrance and pulled you down slowly, letting you feel every single inch of him. Your mouth hung open at the sensation, and your body instantly tensed up. You thought Frank had been deep the other night, but he was reaching an even greater depth inside of you right now if that was possible. There was a slight burn as your walls stretched to accommodate his size, but your brain barely even registered it, because Frank was slipping his tongue into your mouth and kissing you sensually as if he wanted to steal the very essence of life from your lungs.Â
Once he was fully nestled deep inside of you, a high pitched cry left your mouth, and he wrapped his arm around your waist tightly.
âShhâŚsâalright. Just relax for me, sweetheart.â
Wrapping your arms around his neck, you clung to Frank as he wrapped both of his strong arms around your waist and held you tightly against his chest. Both of you sat there for a moment, your foreheads pressed together as you panted. He rubbed his large calloused hand up and down your spine soothingly, his teeth grazing along your ear lobe and biting down gently to distract you from any discomfort. Slowly, the tension in your body melted, and you gave an experimental roll of your hips that had your eyes rolling into the back of your head.
âThatâs itâŚattagirl. Take your time, sweetheart. Mâright here. I got you.â
This felt right. It feltâŚperfect. Those three little words almost slipped out right there. Grabbing onto the back of his neck, you pulled Frank in for a passionate kiss, trying to pour every ounce of emotion you felt into it. He groaned quietly against your lips when your nails lightly scratched at the back of his head where his hair was shaved closely to his scalp. Moving your hips in slow circles, you grinded down onto Frankâs cock, and he flexed his hips upwards to match your rhythm. The other night by the fireplace had been the best experience of your life, but thisâŚthis was something you couldnât put into words.
Placing your palms against Frankâs firm chest, you pressed lightly and he followed your silent instructions, allowing you to push him onto his back. His large hands gripped firmly onto your hips as he gazed up at you, and you kept your palms flat on his chest while slowly riding his cock. Neither of you could tear your eyes away from each other. The feeling of his warm hands leisurely moving up your bare skin made you shiver, and a soft gasp left your lips when he groped your breasts and squeezed gently. The calloused pad of his thumb gingerly brushing over your peaked nipple had you arching your back, pressing your chest further into his eager hands.
âYouâre so goddamn beautiful.â
The sincerity in Frankâs vulnerable whisper nearly brought tears to your eyes. He wasnât saying it because he thought it was what you wanted to hear, he was saying it because he felt it, and he was making you feel it too. The way he was staring up at you like you were the only thing that mattered had your heart swelling inside your ribcage like a balloon about to burst. It had been a long time since you mattered to someone, and you felt lucky it was Frank. The look in his eyes was almost too much to handle.
Letting your head fall back, you closed your eyes for a moment as you writhed on top of Frank, getting completely lost in how good it felt to be connected to him in such a raw and intimate way. One of his hands traveled up from your breast towards your throat, and he wrapped his fingers tightly around it almost entirely, forcing you to face him again. He pulled you down over him so that your forehead was pressed to his, and the two of you stared deeply into each other's eyes.Â
âFrank-â
âI wanna see you. Wanna see those pretty eyes when you come for me. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?â
Being this close to him, you noticed for the first time that there were scattered flecks of honey in his deep brown eyes. They looked so warm and inviting, like two melted pools of chocolate you wanted to drown in. The eyes that could say so much with a single look. You thought you could see itâŚthat flicker that he felt it too. You wanted to tell him so fucking badly, but you didnât want to ruin the moment, and the way he was hitting that spongy spot inside of you that could cause supernovas to appear behind your eyelids was making it hard for you to speak at all.
Holding his face in your hand, your eyes drifted back and forth between his own as you stared down at him in complete devotion, your lips parted as you nodded your head frantically while short and breathy moans escaped you. Frankâs eyes were focused solely on you, one of his hands holding the back of your head while his other remained around your throat. It was getting harder and harder for you to keep your eyes open, but you didnât want to miss a single second of this moment.
It was also getting harder and harder to not voice the sentiment that was overflowing from your ribcage.
âFrankâŚIâŚI-â
Frank cut off your words by capturing your lips in a heated kiss. The softness of his lips against yours, the heat of his bare skin pressed to your own, his thick fingers wrapped around your neck and tangled in your hair, his pubic bone rubbing just right against your clitâŚit was all too much. Breaking the kiss, you buried your face into the crook of his neck and let out a sharp cry of his name. Your nails raked harshly down his chest when your climax finally peaked, and a white hot cloud of hedonistic desire blinded your vision.Â
Your entire body seized up, and you could faintly hear Frank whispering sweet nothings into your ear as he gripped your hips and repeatedly thrust up into you, fucking you through your orgasm while barreling towards his own. The sensation of that alone was enough to nearly send you free falling into another. The intensity of your orgasm had rendered you an incoherent and moaning mess. Frank dug his fingers roughly into the flesh of your hips and came with a deep grunt that nearly sounded like a growl, letting out a loud groan of your name.
The room felt like a sauna. Your face felt overheated, and your hair was stuck to your cheeks and the back of your neck with sweat. Frank had his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, hugging you against his chest. The feeling of his strong heartbeat thundering against your own chest kept you anchored to the moment while your body trembled with aftershocks. You couldnât move, and you didnât want to.
As soon as Frank made a move to sit up and pull out of you, a desperate and high pitched whine of protest fell from your lips while you gripped onto his shoulder and dug your nails into the muscle.
âNo no no no no, pleaseâŚdonât move.â
Frank instantly stilled, bringing one of his hands up to brush the sweaty hair stuck to your forehead and neck away. He pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead and gave your body a gentle squeeze in his strong arms.
âOkay, we donât gotta move yet.â
Letting out a soft sigh of relief, you buried your face further into Frankâs neck, letting the comforting scent of his cologne calm you. He gently carded his thick fingers through your hair and kept holding you tightly to his chest while resting his head against your own.
âI just wanna stay like this for a while.â
âWe can stay like this as long as you want, sweetheart.â
When you started to regain your senses, you started to wonder just how true that statement was.Â
How long could you and Frank stay like this before reality came knocking?
Your home wouldnât always be a crime scene. Eventually the two of you would have to go back to work. Now that everything had changed between the two of you, what would a new normal look like? Frankâs job required him to be with someone constantly. What happens when he gets assigned to someone else? What if itâs another woman? Even though Frank was broody and unapproachable initially, you had still found him attractive, and all the time you spent together over the past few months led you right here to this moment.
What if that happened with someone else? What if the next woman he was assigned to found him just as attractive? What if she wanted him? You and Frank hadnât really established what this was between the two of you. Were you together? Did he want to be together? Would he still want to be together if the next woman was prettier and less stubborn and actually-
âQuit it.â
The sound of his deep voice breaking through the silence interrupted your spiraling.Â
âWhat?â
âWhatever youâre overthinkinâ right now, let it go.â
Removing your face from the crook of Frankâs neck, you pulled back slightly to peer down at him in pure curiosity.
âHow do you even-â
âI can practically hear the gears turninâ in your head, sweetheart. You keep thinkinâ so hard, smokeâs gonna start cominâ out of your ears.â
Giving him a pointed look expressing you werenât amused, he let out a quiet chuckle and gently brushed the calloused pad of his thumb along your cheekbone.
âCâmon, you ainât got nothinâ to worry âbout right now. Just relax, yeah?â
Letting out a soft sigh, you nodded and laid your head back against Frankâs shoulder, nuzzling your nose against his neck as he hugged onto you tightly. For a while, you two laid there wrapped up in one another, and you were able to let some of your anxieties go. The afterglow of your shared euphoria was peaceful, and you couldâve even fallen asleep at that moment, but something Frank said earlier suddenly popped back into your head.Â
âHey Frank?â
âHm?â
âDo you really know a blind guy that has a good aim with guns?â
Frank let out a quiet snicker at your question.
âHe donât use guns. Heâs tooâŚCatholic.â
That did nothing to answer your question and only fueled you with more inquiries.
âButâŚyou said he could hit targets better than I could.â
Frank simply grunted in response. You stayed silent waiting for further explanation, but when one didnât come, you continued your questions.
âHow?â
âHell if I know.â
Sitting up a little bit again, you stared down at Frank in complete puzzlement.
âButâŚheâs blind. That doesnât make any sense.â
âNo it donât.â
âSoâŚheâs-â
âAn asshole. Go to sleep.â
Letting out a soft laugh, your eyes widened slightly as you gently smacked his chest.
âFrank!â
âWhat? Cause heâs blind he canât be an asshole?â
âWellâŚno. ButâŚhow does he do it?â
âYouâll have to ask âem yourself.â
âI thought Billy was your only friend.â
Frank pulled a look of faux offense at that, his thick brows knit as he let out a puff of air through his lips.
âOuch. I got other friends, smartass. And I never said he was one. Heâs more of a pain in my ass.â
Frank gently pinched your ass which made you squeal before erupting into a fit of laughter.
âHey!â
A huge grin split across your lips as he suddenly flipped you both over, managing to keep himself nestled inside of you while he pinned you beneath his large body. As he leaned in to kiss your lips, you brought your index finger up and pressed it against his mouth.
âIâm not done. I have more questions.â
âCourse you do.â
âI wanna know who this mystery blind man is with good aim, and your other friends that you suddenly have that youâve kept from me. While youâre at it, is there anything else youâre hiding, Castle?â
While your question was intended to be teasing, a dark look flashed across Frankâs eyes, and it made your breath hitch in your throat. He stared down at you silently for a moment, and it made you wonder just how much more there was to Frank that you hadnât uncovered yet. As soon as you removed your finger from his lips, Frank leaned in closer, caging you in with his large hands on either side of your head. As he loomed over you, he slowly thrust his hips against your own, pulling a sharp gasp from your chest. His breath was warm against your lips while he nuzzled his large nose along your own, his rough voice coming out in a husky whisper.
âThink I liked you better when the only thing you could say was my name, sweetheart.â
tags: @thyme-in-a-bubble @day-dreaming-goddess @messymissy @itwasthereaminuteago @strawberry1042 @queenofthenoobs @wanda2themax @xcastawayherosx @avengerstower-houseplant @stevenknightmarc @ponyosmom35 @babygal-babygal @wellwwhynot @oldermenaremyreligion @combustiblemeow @tired-night-owl @fairykiss32 @danzer8705 @calkissed @fxckahs-blog @lemon-world1 @polskiperson @imperihoe @v4leoftears @harperdoodle @spideyvibez @joalslibrary @cherry-berry-ollie @sorrowfulfragmentation @kdogreads @sumo-b98 @blackhawkfanatic @gloryekaterina @whistle1whistle @starbritestarlite @callmebrooklynbabes @hallway5 @scarletfvckingwitch @bifuriouslatina @soupyspence @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @wonwoosthetic @linguist-breakaribecca @nerdytreeflower @mrs-bellingham @smhnxdiii @s3riou2 @slavic-empress
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Zodiac Signs Mod
⨠Zodiac Signs have minor effects on personality and can affect Social Compatibility & Autonomy between any two Sims!
**Base game compatible.
**Compatible with all my other mods.
The social compatibility pairings and sign descriptions originated from Sims 1 and 2
Addon to assign Zodiac Signs based on current Seasons/ randomly when a Newborn Baby aging up to an Infant
Cheat to pick Zodiac Signs manually (All Ages)
Cheat to let the game determine a Sim's Zodiac Sign based on their personality traits (Child+ Ages)
Social interactions to share Zodiac Signs info/ learn other Sims' Zodiac Signs (Child+ Ages)
Addon to pick in CAS mode and display as Personality Traits to show up in other Sims' info panels.  (Child+ Ages) Please notice that using this addon will take up a personality traits slot (out of six default personality traits for adult Sims if not using mods to give more personality traits slots.)Â
Without the addon, zodiac signs are by default GAMEPLAY traits that won't take up a personality traits slot and won't display in other Sims' info panels.
Gives occasional low-intensity +1 moodlets relating to zodiac personality.Â
Signs Descriptions & Minor effectsÂ
Each Zodiac Sign can have minor effects on moods, autonomy, and relationship gain rates. No intrusive buffs. Sims now get occasional low-intensity +1 moodlets relating to zodiac personality. (Only available to Child+ Sims & when Sims are not in very negative moods)
âď¸Â Aries (March 20 - April 20)
Dynamic and confident, most Aries never shy away from the opportunity to strike up a conversation with anyone. However, they can be somewhat impulsive and quick-tempered.
Mood:Â Angry x1.2; Confident x1.2
Autonomy: Social autonomy x1.25; Angry autonomy x1.1; Hotheaded autonomy x1.2
Buffs:Â Angry/ Confident +1
âď¸Â Taurus (April 20 - May 21)
The typical Taurus is strong-willed and determined. That can often mean being determined to have a good time.
Mood: Focused x1.25; Uncomfortable x0.9
Autonomy: Fun autonomy x1.05; Focused autonomy x1.1; Foodie autonomy x1.2
Buffs:Â Focused/ Happy +1
âď¸Â Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
Youthful and lively, many think Gemini has enough energy for two. Also energized by conversation, it isn't surprising to find them bouncing from one topic to the next at parties.
Mood: Energized x1.25; Inspired x1.1
Autonomy: Social autonomy x1.2; Fun autonomy x1.1; Energized autonomy x1.1; Inspired autonomy x1.1
Funny social priority +1; Romance social priority +1
Buffs: Inspired/ Playful +1
âď¸Â Cancer (June 21 - July 23)
There is nothing extreme about Cancersâthey are very balanced. They can also be very changeable which can be good or bad depending on the situation.
Mood:Â Angry x0.9; Fine x1.1; Tense x0.9
Autonomy: Family-oriented autonomy x1.2
Social Buffs decay faster x1.2
Buffs: Fine/ Happy +1
âď¸Â Leo (July 23 - August 22)
The ultimate "people" people, Leos are complete extroverts. Unfortunately, this makes them deficient in other areas.
Autonomy: Social autonomy x1.3
Friendship gains faster x1.15
Skills gain Social x1.1; Creative x0.95; Mental x0.95
Buffs: Confident/ Energized +1
âď¸ Virgo (August 23 - September 23)
Modest and shy, introverted Virgos take pride in their meticulous and practical approach to life. Unfortunately, these same traits can result in a very fussy individual.
Mood: Focused x1.25; Tense x1.2; Uncomfortable x1.1
Autonomy: Social autonomy x0.8; Neat autonomy x1.2
Funny social priority -2
Buffs: Focused/ Tense +1
âď¸Â Libra (September 23 - October 23)
Romantic and charming and incredibly sociable, it's hard not to like a Libra. However, their social pursuits leave them little time for more practical endeavors.
Mood: Flirty x1.2; Focused x0.8
Autonomy: Flirty autonomy x1.1; Romantic autonomy x1.1; Social autonomy x1.1
Romance gains faster x1.15
Romance social priority +2
Buffs: Confident/ Dazed +1
âď¸Â Scorpio (October 23 - November 22)
While somewhat withdrawn from social activities, Scorpios are forceful and determined in more practical pursuits.
Mood:Â Fine x1.2; Focused x1.2
Autonomy: Social autonomy x0.85; Focused autonomy x1.2; Bookworm autonomy x1.2
Buffs: Confident/ Focused +1
âď¸Â Sagittarius (November 22 - December 22)
Jovial and carefree, Sagittarians are also blessed with boundless energy. Unfortunately, this combination can make them restless and careless.
Mood: Energized x1.2; Embarrassed x0.9; Tense x1.2
Energy needs decay x0.95
Autonomy: Fun autonomy x1.15; Energized autonomy x1.2; Hotheaded autonomy x1.2
Buffs: Energized/ Happy +1
âď¸Â Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Armed with a dry wit, Capricorns can often be found telling a good joke. Also being very practical, they strive for order and discipline.
Mood: Focused x1.2; Playful x1.1
Autonomy: Focused autonomy x1.1; Playful autonomy x1.2
Funny social priority +2
Buffs: Fine/ Focused +1
âď¸ Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Friendly and amusing, Aquarians are excellent companions. Being well-balanced in other areas helps to make them the most agreeable sign.
Mood: Playful x1.2; Happy x1.1
Autonomy: Happy autonomy x1.1; Good autonomy x1.1
Funny social priority +1; Friendly social priority +1
Buffs: Happy/ Playful +1
âď¸ Pisces (February 18 - March 20)
Selfless and kind, Pisces are one of the nicest signs. They're active too. However, this combination can make them emotionally restless and indecisive.
Mood: Sad x1.2; Energized x1.1; Inspired x1.2
Autonomy: Gloomy autonomy x1.2; Sad autonomy x1.1
Friendly social priority +2
Buffs: Happy/ Inspired +1
Social Interactions
Sims with any of the Zodiac Signs can "Ask About Zodiac Signs". Located in Friendly ---> Small Talk. Actor Sim will learn about Target Sim's Zodiac Sign.
Sims with any of the Zodiac Signs can "Enthuse About Zodiac Signs". Located in Friendly ---> Interest. Target Sim will learn about Actor Sim's Zodiac Sign.
How to give Zodiac Signs to Sims
Four ways to add zodiac signs to Sims:
1) Auto-assign Zodiac Signs based on Seasons/ randomly when a Newborn Baby aging up to an Infant
2)Â Assign Zodiac Signs based on a Sim's personality (vary greatly) (located in Action menu, Child+)
3) Pick Zodiac Signs in GAMEPLAY mode (located in Action menu, All Ages)
4) Manually Add Zodiac Sign in CAS mode with Addon (Child+)
When you click on Randomize Likes and Dislikes in CAS mode, it will generate one Zodiac Sign. It won't be saved after you exit CAS mode if you have already picked Zodiac Sign for your Sim.
With chingyu_addon_ZodiacSignAutoSwitchVersion installed, it will auto-turn the infant/toddler version into the child+ version when a Toddler Sim aging up to a Child.
Autonomy:Â More social autonomy towards compatible signs; Less social autonomy towards incompatible signs
x2.3 toward attracting signs; x1.5 toward the same sign
x0.5Â towards incompatible signs
Compatibility (Main Module):Â Attracted To +3/Â Complementary (The Same Sign) +2*2/Â Repelled by -4
Compatibility (Stronger addon):Â Attracted To +5/ Complementary (The Same Sign) +2*2/ Repelled by -6
Compatibility (Subtle addon):Â Attracted To +2/ Complementary (The Same Sign) +1*2/ Repelled by -3
đ Â View Zodiac Signs Compatibility Chart HERE
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Public Access: Sept 3
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đšList of IDs for creators who want to refer my traits to their own modsÂ
đšÂ List of Chingyuâs CC Traits Name and Descriptions for mod users
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ľâŹ â˝ đđśđđ
đžđđ âž
đđđđš đ¸đđđđ âĄď¸Â : âËââ Ëâ¡âĚłÍÍÍâĄ
đđśđđđžđđđ âĄď¸ : mdni----- unedited, cringey, NSFW, explicit content, teratophilia, vampire/human, unprotected sex, creampie, whiny vampire, overstimulation, spit kink, sloppy kisses, aphrodisiac, blood, dubcon, reader is lowkey at fault but not at the same time. ââ
á˘..á˘â
૮ Ëâ°Ë á ĘłáľĘˇĘł âżáľáľáľË˘ : ya'll this is so rushed, m'sorry-- i rlly just wanted to get this out, probably won't be as good as the others but enjoy.
đđđđđśđđ âĄď¸: home for winter break, you find yourself with the house to yourself, right?
ę°subby male!vampire ââš dom afab!readeręą
 â Thanks, Jaime, Iâll see you later. âÂ
đfter bidding farewell to your best friend, you stand there, gazing at the car as it swiftly disappears into the night. With your trusty suitcase in tow, you make your way up the dimly lit driveway, carefully sifting through your bag in search of the elusive house key. A sense of relief washed over you as your fingers finally closed around the icy touch of the silver key. Clutching it firmly, you navigate the treacherous icy surface, mindful of each step to avoid any slips or falls.
  Finally making it to the porch stairs, you exerted all your strength to hoist your suitcase up the steps, narrowly avoiding a couple of near-slips along the way. With a sigh of relief, you conquered the last stair, feeling a surge of triumph as you stepped onto the snow-free porch. With ease, you maneuvered your luggage towards the door, unfurling your hand to use the key. It takes a few attempts, but you eventually manage to insert it into the lock and turn the doorknob.
   As you enter the house, darkness envelopes you, with not a single light illuminating the space. However, the comforting warmth enveloping the space indicated that your mother had considerately left the heating on for your arrival. Leaving your suitcase by the entrance, you closed the door and secured it with a lock.
   As you flick the switch, the overhead ceiling light floods the living room with its warm glow, casting away the shadows that had shrouded the space. Eagerly, you venture further into the house, calling out for your siblings who were supposed to be there to welcome you home. However, the silence that greets you is deafening, and the absence of any movement from the game room basement or upstairs is disconcerting.Â
   With a sigh, you kick off your shoes and settle down, making yourself comfortable in the unfamiliar solitude. Unlike your siblings, who seem to constantly rely on your mother's support without contributing much themselves, you have always been driven and focused on your education. Your hard work paid off, as you graduated high school with an impressive GPA and secured a spot in your dream college. Now, during winter break, you find yourself back in the comfort of your childhood home, enjoying a well-deserved respite from your academic endeavors.
 The urge to change overwhelms you, especially with the discomfort of your clothes clinging too tightly and irritating your skin. With each step towards the staircase, you flick on every light switch within reach, flooding the house with light. You silently prayed that none of your siblings had invaded your personal space while you were away, either napping or snacking.Â
  The creaky ascent up the stairs quickened your heartbeat, the loud squeaks echoing through the otherwise quiet house. A sense of unease washed over you, unsure of who might be lurking around. Finally reaching the top, you let out a sigh of relief upon seeing your room to the left.
  Astonishingly, the room appears exactly as you had left it, save for a few garments strewn about, most likely belonging to your sister. Other than that, everything seems to be in order. Closing the door behind you, you proceed to delve into your drawers, hastily extracting an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts.Â
  In a swift motion, you discard your jeans and let out a grunt as you struggle to remove the turtleneck that has somehow become entangled around your head. Finally freeing yourself from its clutches, you toss it aside with a frustrated huff, swiftly replacing it with the shorts and shirt you had chosen.
  A sudden pang of pain and the rumbling noise emanating from your stomach causes you to grimace, prompting you to clutch your abdomen tightly; evidently, you were famished. Your plans of drifting off to sleep were quickly dashed as you reached for your phone and descended the stairs.Â
   Unsure of the fridge's contents, you toyed with the idea of ordering food through DoorDash. Fortunately, to your relief and your wallet's delight, a couple of chicken breasts and broccoli were found in the freezer. Taking the frozen items, you hesitated at the thought of waiting for them to thaw. Without delay, you knelt down and retrieved a silver mixing bowl from the nearest cabinet.
  You get up with a groan, muttering to yourself that youâre getting old. As you twist the faucet handle, you wait for the water to run hot, capable of scalding your skin upon contact. Placing a bowl beneath the gushing stream, you watch as it gradually fills up, before finally turning off the flow and submerging the chicken and broccoli within its liquid confines. Although it would require some time, it was certainly preferable to enduring hours of waiting for the ingredients to thaw.Â
  Finding yourself in the living room, you idly scroll through the vast expanse of social media, feeling an overwhelming sense of boredom engulfing your very being. Your attention is not truly captivated by the screen of your phone; instead, your mind wanders aimlessly, causing your vision to blur as a whirlwind of thoughts race through the corridors of your consciousness. Your mind is practically blank, lost in a daze.
   A sudden sound from the basement catches your attention, causing your ears to twitch and tingle. You snap back to reality, leaping off the couch in a heartbeat. The recent reports of vampires breaching human borders and the rising death toll flood your mind.
 The Creatures of the Night, or maybe even Leeches, as they were sometimes referred to- didn't bother you all that much. They were just a tad different from the general population and usually didn't target humansâ except for the rare cases highlighted in the news. You had never encountered one personally, but you weren't about to form an opinion based on how the media depicted them as monstrous beings.
 Before you know it, your internal monologue has whisked you away from the sounds in the basement, the thought completely vanishing from your mind. You slowly make your way back to the kitchen, dragging your feet with each step. To your surprise, the chicken is already thawed when you inspect it, bringing a smile to your face as you remove it from the now lukewarm water.
While you may not be a master chef, you can still whip up a decent bowl of cereal or a tasty peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The concept of cooking has always been a bit intimidating for you, but the Air Fryer in front of you is a game-changer.Â
  You carefully line the inside with foil, place your seasoned chicken inside, add a dollop of butter, and close the lid before hitting start. As the chicken cooks, you decide to skip heating up your broccoli for now. A sudden chill makes you shiver, causing you to furrow your brows as the cool breeze brushes against your exposed legs.
A sudden blast of icy wind makes you shudder and you instinctively turn around in search of its source. Your heart skips a beat as you catch sight of the slightly ajar back door, allowing delicate flakes of snow to sneak their way inside the cozy home. Taking a deep breath, you try to calm your racing thoughts, considering the possibility that your mischievous siblings might be behind this chilling surprise, as they often are.Â
   You list off their names, telling them that youâre not in the mood for whatever game theyâre playing, and then add that if they want something to eat, then come to the kitchen. However, to your dismay, there is no sign of movement or even a faint giggle, which sends a wave of unease coursing through your veins. The absence of their usual inability to keep quiet when plotting a prank fills you with a sense of foreboding.
As you stand there, your body tenses up, your muscles rigid and your palms sweaty. Reacting swiftly, you reach for a knife from the drawer, gripping it tightly until your knuckles ache. With cautious steps, you make your way towards the basement stairs, carefully descending the first four steps and finally reaching the landing where you promptly shut the door.Â
  The frigid cold that once assaulted your skin is now left behind, but before you can proceed any further, an unsettling wetness seeps into your sock â warm and thick. Instantly, you freeze in place, pressing yourself against the wall for support, and slowly lift your foot to investigate. A wave of revulsion washes over you as you discover a bloodstain on your lilac-colored sock. Overcome with disgust, you swiftly remove the tainted sock and discard it.Â
As you descend the basement stairs, your eyes fixate on the blood trail that stretches all the way down, staining the carpeted flooring. A lump forms in your throat, causing you to swallow heavily, as you carefully navigate your way down, avoiding the blood.Â
 The basement is not completely devoid of light, thanks to the LED lights left on by one of your siblings, but the crimson hue they emit adds an unsettling aura to the eerie atmosphere. The knife in your hand feels slippery, the perspiration on your palm evident against the black handle. Swiftly switching hands, you finally step onto the carpeted surface. In front of you lies a disheveled basement, with clothes strewn haphazardly and gaming consoles still powered on, emitting warm air.
 No one is there, you canât see anyone. Your mind drifts away, causing your eyes to lose focus and your senses to become more acute. Suddenly, a sound breaks the silence - the sound of labored breathing and faint, barely audible whimpers. Your attention is immediately drawn to a dark object on the floor, which you had mistaken for a bean bag chair.
Against your better judgment, you begin to cautiously approach the injured person. Theyâre obviously injured, and badly so. Without even realizing it, you release your tight hold on your weapon. Slowly, you lower yourself onto the carpeted floor and start crawling towards them.
   The person appears disoriented, with their head swaying from side to side and their hand resting loosely on their injury. You carefully set your knife aside and move closer until you can hear their breathing clearly without any difficulty. Your hands automatically reach out towards their face, softly resting on their cheeks.
 As you carefully tilt their head upwards, you find yourself staring at a pair of wispy lashes, set in a devilishly attractive face with pale skin. The sight of fangs delicately touching his full bottom lip doesn't escape your notice. Fear is not your immediate reaction, though there's a hint of it lingering in the background, it doesn't overpower your growing fascination with the scene unfolding before you.
 With your left still hand resting on his cheek, your other hand moves down his body, and you suddenly gasp as you feel the presence of a large stake piercing through his stomach. How could you have missed such a significant detail earlier? Nevertheless, you choose not to dwell on it any further.
After careful consideration, it became evident that his current predicament could be attributed to a group known as the Hunters. These individuals, predominantly middle-aged men, harbored an irrational aversion towards coexisting with Vampires. Their actions were nothing short of despicable, as they embarked on a merciless killing spree, sparing no one, not even innocent children; they were sick bastards.
 Despite your firm pat on his cheek, he stays incoherent, lost in a world of pain, you're sure. Although filled with trepidation, you understand that it's necessary to remove the stake, it isnât doing him any good to keep it inside. With a surge of determination, you grasp the wooden object and swiftly extract it, allowing it to drop onto the floor, quickly placing your free hand against his wound. Tenderly, you caress his cheek with your thumb, providing solace as he emits a loud groan and breathes heavily. "It's alright, shh."
The sensation of his blood gushing past your fingers sends a chilling shiver down your spine, as it saturates the carpet beneath you without any signs of slowing either. A momentary wave of panic washes over you, prompting you to swiftly retract your hand and grasp the knife nearby. Trembling with fear, you bring the blade up to your neck, carefully making a shallow incision, the slippery blade adding to your unease.
Despite the struggle, you manage to pull his body closer to yours, your right hand, stained with blood, finding the back of his head and guiding it towards the column of your neck. It takes a moment, but eventually, he stirs, his lips parting and his tongue darting out to taste the crimson liquid trickling down your shoulder.Â
A shiver runs through your entire being, and you attempt to calm yourself. The warmth of his tongue against your skin is a soothing sensation as it leisurely glides over you, diligently lapping up the spilled blood. Your body tenses as his fangs graze your flesh before finally piercing it, yet surprisingly, there is no pain, only a mild discomfort that quickly dissipates.
You jolt when he wraps his arms around your waist, pressing you closer to his body, his face nuzzled against your neck. You find yourself gripping his hair, fingers intertwined in his tresses. Time seems to stretch on endlessly as he continues to drink from you, leaving you feeling lightheaded. When you manage to break free from his hold, he surprisingly allows you to step back, though he keeps a firm grasp on your slumped body.
As you gaze at him you notice your blood adorns his lips like a peculiar shade of lipstick, and the sight of his tongue darting out to taste it causes the bite mark to throb, sending delightful tingles coursing through your entire body. Despite the gentleness with which he holds you, his verdant eyes are filled with unadulterated horror and fear.Â
  You steal a quick glance at his wound, only to find that the bleeding has ceased completely, suggesting that the injury is already healing itself. Swiftly, he rises from the floor, effortlessly lifting you in his arms and laying you on the basement couch.Â
Your body quivers and becomes drenched in sweat, gradually sinking into the softness of the couch. What kind of bizarre scenario is unfolding here? You want to reassure this stranger that you're okay, even though he almost drank you dry. Perhaps it's the genuine concern and remorse in his eyes, but as soon as you hear his voice, you find yourself forgiving him effortlessly. His voice is gentle, and sweet. As the LED lights gradually fade from your vision, so does the presence of the vampire intruder.
You awaken to find yourself disoriented, unsure of how much time has passed. As you regain some form of consciousness, you notice the vampire boy beside you, his green eyes bright and attentive. His cheeks and eyes are red from crying and rubbing the tears away, you notice. His lashes are wet as well, his lips pouty and his knees tucked underneath himself. The red glow of the LEDs cast an eerie light on the scene, illuminating his features as you turn to face him, watching as he perks up.Â
   â Youâre awake! âÂ
You remain silent, feeling the stiffness in your neck and the overwhelming urge to return to sleep. However, he prevents that from happening by placing his hand on your thigh, gently prodding you to wake up. Reluctantly, you open your eyes, questioning why you are so composed in such a strange scenario. As you reach up to touch your neck, you recoil at the two, very deep holes left in your skin.Â
Blushing furiously, the vampire boy fidgeted with his fingers, his eyes avoiding direct contact with yours. "M'sorry, didn't mean to-- really." he stammered, his voice barely above a whisper. After a brief pause, he mustered the courage to meet your steady, stoic, and sleepy stare, his ears now tinged with a rosy hue. "I-I can make it go away if you want? My saliva has healing properties, b-but it's also, um--." The boy's voice trailed off as he struggled to find the right words, too flustered to realize that you had tuned out his words completely.
Upon returning his attention to you, he offers yet another apology, his voice cute and soft. Feeling too weary to reply and not particularly inclined to elaborate on the injury to your loved ones, you emit a grunt of agreement towards his proposition. Although this turn of events was somewhat underwhelming compared to your initial expectations, you chose not to voice any grievances.
"My name is Elias, by the way," he reveals abruptly, his bottom lip finding refuge in his mouth as a sign of his nervousness. With wide green eyes, he hastily scans your face, his heart skipping a beat as your gaze meets his, seemingly uninterested. This lack of enthusiasm from you triggers a swarm of butterflies in his stomach, creating a whirlwind of emotions within him. You emit a soft hum and tilt your head slightly. He looks worried for a moment, but then, he leans in, resting his head in the curve of your neck, his warm tongue gliding smoothly across your skin like silk.
The sensation of your skin repairing itself is undeniably peculiar, and it's not something you'd willingly want to go through again. He pulls away slowly, swallowing nervously. "H-how do you feel?" Your eyes meet his, and a faint smile graces your lips, though it appears drowsy and unsteady, it still manages to make his cheeks blush. "I feel fine." The sound of your voice causes his breath to catch, it's both gentle and resolute, igniting a warmth that spreads through his chest.
A searing heat rises from underneath your skin, causing a scorching sensation to travel from your calves to your thighs, you can't help but furrow your eyebrows in response. The calmness that enveloped your heart mere moments ago is now replaced by a thunderous pounding, almost reaching a level of pain, within your ribcage.
Elias gazes anxiously as your skin becomes shiny with sweat, your lips parting to release warm, shallow breaths. Your face is flushed with warmth and a twitch starts in your eyebrows. The blonde sniffles and dabs at your forehead with the sleeve of his shirt, frowning softly. "M'sorry, I-I told you that this would happen." His tone carries a hint of accusation, but your sharp, unfocused stare prompts him to apologize softly. "Didn't want this to happen, sorry." You brush his hand from your face and let out a shuddering breath, your breast tender and achy. "Shh, you're so loud. What the hell is happening?"
The vampire with blonde hair appears momentarily perplexed, but then his attractive green eyes gradually widen, displaying a look of regret. "My saliva can heal people, but it also acts as a... s-stimulant," Elias swallows thickly as you sit up slowly, your shirt becoming sheer from the copious amount of sweat you're drenched in. ".. an aphrodisiac."Â
"Why didn't you say anything?" You rasp, allowing your head to rest heavily on the couch cushions. Elias pouts, tears stinging his eyes. "I did! It's your fault for not listening!" Tilting your head, your face contorts with anger, causing Elias to tightly squeeze his thighs together. "Huh? My fault?" Your words taper off slowly before you let out a soft, disbelieving laugh.
 Leaning in, you grasp his cheeks firmly, pulling him closer until your breaths intermingle, feeling a shiver run through you as he places his hands on your thighs for support, his cheeks flushed with color. "Regardless, you'll help me, won't you?"
Before he can question what you mean, he lets out a yelp when you pounce on him, lips pressing against his in haste. He lets out a soft whimper, gripping onto your shirt tightly, surrendering to your dominance. Elias savors the flavor of your kiss, finding it both sweet and familiar. You are completely in charge of this encounter, dominating him with your mouth effortlessly. Your tongue sliding against his own in a violent dance, your saliva is as sweet as your blood and pools down his cheeks. You are absolutely captivating.
With a gentle pull, you withdraw, your eyes hooded and your lips swollen, causing a flush to spread across his face. He lies there, surrendering to your touch, as your hands caress his body. A breathy, hiccuping moan escapes his lips when you firmly grasp him through his pants, while your mouth explores his neck, kissing and sucking on his pale skin. It seems effortless for you to mark him as your own.
"W-wait, you're not thinki-" In a moment of hesitation, he halts his words, captivated by the sight of you retreating, gracefully slipping the oversized shirt over your headâ breast spilling out from the cotton. The vampire lies there, his breaths coming in ragged gasps, his face adorned with a cute expression. Unable to resist, you lean down and kiss him silly again. You love the way he eagerly searches for your lips, moaning into your mouth and clenching his eyes shut.Â
 Lost in the fog of your drugged state, you clumsily distance yourself from him, regaining your balance and enticingly sliding your shorts down your legs, with your panties obediently following suit. The vampire stares at you with pure awe in his eyes, begging for you to do something to him.Â
By now, heâs slightly sat up, looking up at you with expecting eyes. You nonchalantly approach him, barely able to contain your laughter as he attempts to guide you onto his lap. You proceed until you reach his craned neck. You confidently straddle his face, sensually lowering your dripping cunt onto his parted lips.Â
You run your fingers through his tousled blonde locks, gazing deeply into his eyes. With a condescending tilt of your head, you tighten your hold. "You'll behave for me, won't you? You can manage that, especially after what you did to me." Elias whimpers against your pussy at your accusation and nods eagerly with wide, teary eyes and flushed ears. Your pleased smile makes his cock throb within his pants and he instinctively squeezes his thighs together once more.
 The vampire eagerly laps at your pussy, moaning at how good you taste on his tongue, his free hand gliding up your legs to settle on your hips softly. He adores the way your fingers entwine in his hair, gripping tightly, as your hips sway and gyrate against his mouth. Youâre using him like heâs a toy, seemingly unconcerned about the possibility of causing him pain ( which you arenât. )Â
 The intoxicating sound of your moans fills the air, a tantalizing melody that captivates him completely. They aren't high-pitched or forced, but a velvety resonance, deep and alluring. The occasional hitch in your breath and the graceful tilt of your head let him know that heâs doing good.Â
As he takes your puffy clit into his mouth, a fang gently scrapes over your, the potent aphrodisiac intensifying the already heightened sensitivity. Elias whines as you cum, his mouth and chin drenched in your release. With quivering thighs you press against his tongue, grinding against it with increasing urgency, while a soft mewl escapes your lips, your pussy fluttering against his eager mouth.Â
   With shaky legs you wiggle off of him, straddling his waist and claiming his lips in a sloppy kiss, groaning at the sweet, musky taste of your arousal on his tongue. Elias' cock throbs. It's thick and hard in his pants, and he needily rubs his bulge against your pulsating cunt, with desperate whimpers.
Heâs moaning at the sound of your voice, it's mocking and patronizing. He looks up at you through bleary, pussy drunk eyes, drooling over himself. You giggle at this and wipe it away with your thumb, smearing it across his lips. His tongue eagerly darts out to kitten lick your finger. âSuch a good boy, d'you like eating my pussy?â The vampire is nodding fervently, cock twitching in his pants when you snicker, brushing your lips against his teasingly. âI want to hear you say it, say you liked eating my pussy.â
He doesn't hold back, eager to please you. âI loved eating your pussy s'much. You taste s'good.â His cheeks flush at his explicit words, but the dark pleasure that resides in your eyes makes up for it. âGood job, was that so hard puppy?â Elias' cock jumps at the sound of your praise and he shakes his head, biting his lip, "Mhm mhn." He jolts, startled as you undo his jeans, pulling the zipper down slowly.
Your eyes stay glued to his as you drool onto your hand, hand slipping down his boxers. He's stiff, pulsating in your warm, slick grasp. He's long and thick but you think nothing of it. Your hand moves deliberately, rolling down his shaft in a slow, fisting motion, his green eyes blurry and locked on yours. Your thumb caresses his sensitive tip, gathering the glistening droplets of precum and using it as lube. Elias whines and bucks his hips, eyebrows furrowing and chest heaving.
You grin at his fucked out face and speed up, focusing your hand on his sensitive, leaky tip. "Does it feel good?" Heâs nodding quickly, leaning forward to kiss you sweetly, sucking shyly on your tongue. He almost cums in your hand when you pull away, tongue lolling out.Â
With fervent kisses and fervid praises, you leave a trail of marks upon his body. His cock throbs with a delicious ache, his orgasm building slowly as you unknowingly edge him, tears prick his eyes as you swipe across his overly sensitive tip again. His moans are like symphonies, whining and begging for you to make him cum.Â
 â N-no more, I canât, please, let me c-cum, please. Iâll do anything, just p-please.â His words stumble out, his hips jerking involuntarily. You pause for a second, then give in, planting a tender kiss on his lips. You press him down against the velvety carpet, positioning your sloppy pussy over his cock, and swaying your hips, sliding him through your swollen folds, his mushroom tip catching on your clenching hole.Â
Smiling at his tortured face, you slowly sink onto his cock, your thighs shaking as he stretches you out in the most delicious way. Elias buries his face into the carpet, a deep groan leaving his lips. Your gummy, slick walls squeeze him in a vice grip, reluctantly yielding to his thickness. "Mmph--!! You're too tight, wait, s'too much."Â
    Ignoring his prattling you bring your hands up to rest against his stomach, lifting from his cock before dropping back down to take the rest of him inside of you. An overwhelming tingling causes your pussy to flutter around him, your cheeks flushing and a whine escaping your lips. "You're so big...you feel s'good." You halfheartedly snicker when he twitches inside of you at the praise.
Without waiting, you start a bruising pace, bouncing on his cock and grinding your engorged clit into his pelvis. His cock bullies your cervix, his hot and slick precum coating your womb. He whimpers, hands gripping the fat of your hips, you look absolutely stunning. Your breasts sway temptingly in front of his face and he can't help but draw a stiffened nipple into his mouth, sucking and nibbling, careful of his fangs against your skin.
Your hips are moving quicker now, your moans getting louder as you shower him with sweet words and adorable nicknames, pushing him closer to the edge. When you stop right on his sensitive tip and grind, heâs seeing stars. Heâs cumming hard and long, thick, copious amounts of cum flooding your womb in hot spurts. He unlatches from your nipple, his head gently thumping against the carpet softly and back arching, his hips bucking and griding deftly into your spongey nerves, your pussy creaming around him. "M-mhmn! Cumming, m'cumming!" He whimpers, grip tightening on your waist.Â
Elias whines softly as you continue to bounce on his overly sensitive cock, his thick cum dripping onto his thighs. He tosses his head back and cries out, your cunt squeezing his member affectionately. âSuch a good boy, you did so well.â The praise makes him flush and your lips slant over his in a kiss, your back bowing as your thighs shake, convulsing around him as you cum. You pull away, chest heaving.Â
"Are y-." He pauses as your eyes flutter closed and you collapse against him. Catching his breath, he let himself lay there, holding you close, the aphrodisiac mustâve worn off. His eyes start to slip shut after a few minutes but he tenses when he hears footsteps from upstairs.Â
"Honey! We're back!"
#monsterfucker#monster fucker#monster smut#monster headcanons#terato#monster lover#monster nsft#monster x reader#monster x human#monster x you#monster romance#tw monsterfucking#fantasy#female writers#possessive#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#female reader#monster imagine#male monster#monster bf#submisive and breedable#vampire#vampyr#vampire x reader#vampire x human#deunmiu dessie
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Iâm late to this whole debacle but for the record, I have been messaged by people in Gaza who thought that I was involved in the fundraiser vetting process and sent me photos of their government IDs and documentation. I know a little of what Hussein, Nairuz, Ahmed, Ibtisam, and others use to vet people and make sure that theyâre legit, and thatâs part of why I confidently cite them as a source. To try and discredit them and smear them as scam artists, along with the genocide victims that theyâre trying so hard to help, is fucking beyond the pale.
The reason Iâve been inactive on this blog and focusing instead on compiling resources in order to bring more ppl onto the fundraiser blog is that the work I was doing was spiraling into a 12-hour a day endeavor with just myself, and it was making me so physically and mentally ill that I could barely move or think, so I had to step back and figure out a better way to organize things. And Iâm not even doing the actually hard part of this work. I do not vet people. I do not have any skin in this game as a white USAmerican. Itâs not my family who are dying in Gaza. I also have not been targeted for harassment or account bans. I literally cannot fucking fathom the physical and mental strain that Palestinian bloggers on this platform have been going through nonstop for nearly a year now.
I still remember being shocked when I saw that Hussein had come back to tumblr after having to take a break due to having a heart attack. Ibtisams, who vetted people and organized all sorts of fundraising efforts all while grieving her father and little sister killed in Gaza, was forced to come back to tumblr to make a statement about how she was in an inpatient facility because people had the gall to impersonate her in order to scam people. Ahmed literally escaped Gaza because of a very well documented fundraising effort here on tumblr, no thanks to the cunts at GoFundMe who made things as difficult as possible every step of the way, and has since spent time and effort helping other people who had hopes of sharing his success. Calling these people scammers is fucking unbelievable. Some of you wouldnât know solidarity if it bit you in the ass.
If getting messages in your inbox from people trying to escape a genocide makes you uncomfortable, fucking suck it up. Or disable your inbox, I guess. Do literally anything else besides using your platform to direct harassment and slander at people who are trying to survive a genocide. This website is already quite literally engaging in tech apartheid by targeting users in Gaza so constantly, you donât need to gleefully join in by tagging staff and asking them to terminate people. Fucking unconscionable behavior. I hope that it will follow everyone involved for the rest of their lives.
#palestine#idk what else to say. other than sorry for not coming on here sooner#my inboxes are still stuffed too full for me to really answer messages on here until im done with my spreadsheets#but ill try to be better about coming on here once a day or so to reblog anything that iâve been tagged in
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MORE HUSBAND!SUKUNA PLSSSS (not forcing TvT) (not modern-)
tough love â ryomen sukuna x gn!reader
a/n: okay but like imagine living in a palace with this guy
your husband is sweet, but not in the traditional sense.
when you think of sweet, you think of nights spent with hushed whispers and mutual giggles, you think of flowers at your doorstep every single day.
you donât think of a 7 foot something man, with the biggest scowl on his face, staring at you in the early morning and scaring the heebie-jeebies out of you.
but he is still sweet.
despite the blood staining his hands and his manic grin doing such acts, the same hands have the ability to hold you as gently as one would stroke a flowerâs petal.
theyâre able to cradle you and carry you to bed and tuck you in. sure, there is no goodnight kiss, but thatâs because he doesnât leave. when you rest, your husband stays awake on the look to make sure that no harm comes to you.
he is rough with what he does. still, you feel happiness about to overflow when, for example, he gets you jewelry he believes would suit you.
add to that, the fact that he personally puts them on you. you remember that one time he got back from his endeavorâterrorizing yet another villageâand he greeted you with a box painted with gold and wrapped in velvet.
you took the box from his hands and opened. it revealed a very exquisite anklet with jewels of your favorite color. they are organized in a matter that you distinctly remember telling your husband about and how pretty that is to you.
you looked up to him giddily, âso you do pay attention!â
he takes the anklet from the box, grumbling, âshut up,â and despite his harsh tone and words, he kneels and puts the anklet on you. itâs a bit hard, considering his big hands and long nails, but he manages. he pulls back with a smirk, and you examine the anklet on your leg.
âI like it.â
âof course, you do; I chose it.â
he is an ass, but that same guy takes care of you when youâre sickâsomehow. when news had spread that youâve fallen ill, you expected that your husband would simply send the maids to your aid and the doctors to ensure your rapid and swift recovery.
instead, what you saw was the figure of yourâscaryâhusband stood at your door. you peek from under the covers, a cough escaping your lips, âhow can I help you, husband?â
he frowns down at you, âyou look like shit.â
you start laughing, but it quickly turns into a coughing fitâhis frown deepensâ, âwellâobviously! I am sick,â you try to get a look of whatâs behind him, âwhere are the maids and doctors?â
he sits on the bed, right by your side, and rests a hand on your forehead, âI am not letting their filthy hands touch you,â a sigh threatens to escape him, when he feels your temperature, âyouâre foolish.â
you huff, âI canât control how sick I get, you know!â
âwell, you couldâve avoided this, if you had listened to me when I told you not to play in the rain.â
the memory brings a dopey smile to your face.
the rain was falling freely but gently. the wind was blowing just right. and your husband was watching you, under the door frames so he doesnât get wet. he called for you, of course, but youâre a free spirit and wanted to enjoy the outdoors a bit more.
youâre never confided in the walls of the palace, but itâs nice to feel like a rebel every once in a while even if it ends up with you being sick in bed.
he sees the little kick of your feet, âbut, it was fun, right? I even managed to get you to stand in the rain with me!â
yes, he did, in the end and after much whining, go in the rain with you. he was simply standing there, but itâs the thought that counts, right? and because he is the king of curses, he didnât get sick, but he did get stuck taking care of you.
itâs a win in his bookâeven if he hates seeing you all frail like thatâbut he would never tell you that.
he shoves a cup of water to your lips, and grumbles, âshut up and drink.â
your goes up to hold the cup, but his glare makes you slowly lower them back down. you get the memo that he wants to take care of you, to the fullest. he slowly helps you drink all of the water.
so you relax the entire night, letting him nurse you back to health. he is a bit clumsy throughout it, and you understand itâs because he never truly cared for someone before nor did someone care for him in a way so tender and gentle.
you think itâs cute: his determination mixed with a hint of roughness and cluelessness.
you want to giggle and chuckle at some of the things he does like how he was confused about which medicine you were supposed to take and at what hour.
or like howâdespite his enormous strengthâhe was unable to take the cover of the bottle of herbs off, but youâre sure he would either glare at you or leave you to suffer alone for an hour.
so yeah, he stays with you the entire time youâre sick, night and day, never leaving your chambers. even when he needed something like medicine or a wet cloth, he would send the maids.
he stays by your side till youâre back to your feet with a smile on your face.
and when youâre dinning on the very long and gigantic table, you look intently at your husbandâs face. he reminds you of something with his permanent scowl and grumpily attitude.
he notices your gaze and groans, âwhat is it now?â
you gasp as you finally come to the long awaited realization.
a tiger.
your husband is a tiger, one hell of a grumpy tiger.
âyour face looks stupider than usual; whatâs up with you now?â
an asshole tiger.
taglist: @magenta-cat-drawingss @pompompurin1028 @scul-pted @requiem626k @nameless-shrimp @shinys-bsd-world-1 @sonder-paradise @ravenina14 @jessbeinme15s-notebook @todorokichills @ginneko @missrown @shrynkk @simplyxsinned @beautiful-is-boring @starlostlaiba @izukus-gf @irethepotato @thekaylahub @dazaisbloodybandages @aeanya @sweetcloudsimp @moon-catto @the-midnightskies @pianopuppygirl @gojosblackqueen @kryscent @kunikida-simp @whoami-72 @mx-0-child @fiona782 @kisakitwister @imjustasimpxd @psychopotatomeme @dreamcastgirl99 @watyousayin @doobiebochana @laylasbunbunny @hojicha-expresso @4sat0ruu @nineooooo @chuuyasboots @alekssashka7 @rieejjyubi02 @wemma67 @nothisispatrick300 @fallencrescentmoon @etheviese @ho34gojo @the-mom-friend-dot-com @the-weeping-author @stray-npc @libbyistired @anon1412 @anakalana
copyright Š tender-rosiey
do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported
#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#sukuna ryoumen x reader#sukuna ryoumen x you#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna x you#sukuna ryomen x you#sukuna ryomen x reader#jjk sukuna x reader#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#sukuna fluff#sukuna fanfic#ryomen x reader
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Simple Math / Part 8
Simple Math masterlist
Ghost/Soap/female reader 4.2k words - AO3 Warnings-tags: 18+ MDNI. No smut. Graphic domestic violence, physical abuse, choking. Non consensual kissing. Hospital setting, nurse!reader, medical inaccuracies. Drowning metaphors. Strong feelings of self loathing, despair, fear, anxiety. Suicidal ideation. Crying. Panic attacks. Bun is unraveling. Comfort. Protective Simon and Johnny. Things are happening.
The girl in the mirror hates you.
Itâs easy to tell, by the way she stares, how her eyes glow in the yellow fluorescents of the staff bathroom.
You make her sick.
Your weakness, your stupidity, has cost her, again. As if it hasnât cost her enough at this point, as if it hasnât drained her dry over and over until she thought she would die.
Until she thought she wanted to die.Â
Someone knocks on the bathroom door.
âOccupied.â You snap, and they huff, turning away to go who knows where.
You peek back over to the girl in the mirror. She still stares at you in disdain, but now itâs more expectant, more⌠intrigued, like sheâs asking, well⌠what are you going to do?
âWhat are you going to do, sugar?â Phillipâs hands tighten around your neck, white teeth gleaming in the afternoon sun of your apartment. The sound of your windpipe being crushed echoes inside your eardrums, and you flail uselessly, struggling, kicking and hissing and crying to no avail. âWhere are you going to run next?â Black spiderweb strings along the outside of your vision, and your palm slaps against his forearm, a pathetic endeavor, as always.
Heâs too strong. Too determined.Â
Youâre an ant. Heâs a shoe.Â
Youâre an early high school grad, on an academic scholarship at school your mom couldnât afford, and heâs the charismatic grandson of a Texan oil tycoon, the son of a judge, living in a fancy house without roommates in the city.
You want to be a doctor. He wants a housewife.Â
You want to be a mother; he promises to beat them out of you.Â
You want a life in the sun. He wants to become a shadow himself.Â
âPhillip.â You wheeze, air snaking through your teeth. He lowers his ear, like he canât hear you, a mocking bow that you know he relishes.Â
âWhatâs that?âÂ
âCanât- breathe-â The sigh that answers you is what you imagine a disappointed father sounds like, followed by a tsk, an over developed dramatic show that youâve come to know so well, and he throws you to the ground in one motion, shoulder smacking against the hard wood floor.Â
Thereâs a tear of muscle. An immediate soreness. Stars dance in your vision.Â
âGotta hand it to you, princess. You were hard to find this time.âÂ
You donât have an answer for the girl in mirror.
Even with the turtleneck and the very good makeup, itâs bad. There is no doubt, someone will notice.
And then there will be questions. Nonstop questions, personal questions, private questions. Questions from your boss and an HR rep behind a closed door somewhere, invasive, mandated reporting, logical questions that you must have answers for.
You chew your lip.
Itâs not so obvious, maybe, with the turtleneck. The long sleeve under your scrub top covers the tender flesh on your neck, your shoulder, your forearm. Itâs second nature, how easily you hide, how perfectly they tuck away, little stories beaten into your skin for no one else but you to feel.
Except for your orbital and cheek bones.Â
These are blatant. The ball cap pulled down over most of your face hid them well enough on your way in but now... inflamed, angry skin swells beneath your eye, and while it looks okay, you guess, when you get close, itâs obvious that something is wrong. The foundation and failed attempt at contour can only do so much.
Itâs shocking to realize youâre actually mad at him for it.
For being so impulsive.
So sloppy.
But then again, wasnât that your fault?Â
Youâre bold. Bolder than ever before. Closer to the top of your breaking point now, angry and beaten down and dying in the black of a bottomless pit. Unable to escape. Unable to climb out.Â
Youâve been falling inside it for years, and itâs all you ever do.Â
Fall.Â
And youâre so, so tired. All you want, is for it to end.Â
âThat was sick, even for you, Phillip. What are you, some kind of freak? Jerking off all over your ex girlfriendâs-â The backhand is swift. It rockets across your face, combination of itâs force and the sting making your head spin, and you stumble.Â
When you lurch, he presses close, chest to your side, strong fingers digging into your forearm so tight it hurts.Â
âDonât say that.â His lips drag across your cheek, insult to injury where he struck you. They press together in a kiss, a foul, rancid piece of affection, making your stomach turn.âYou know I donât when you call yourself that. I donât like when you lie, sweet thing. Itâs not very nice.â
âItâs not a lie, you Texarkana hillbilly fuck, itâs the tru-â Youâre up against the wall in a single movement, arm twisted so hard you cry out, and he shoves you into place until heâs got you where he likes, face to face, nose to nose.Â
âThereâs my spitfire. Knew she was in there somewhere.â The nickname almost makes your retch. Itâs a flicker of a memory, of yourself before the grave of your now life, the fateful twist that is Phillip Graves.Â
âI hate you.â You spit. His eye twitches, and he looks every bit the insane man you know him to be.Â
Because this... this is Phillip having fun. This is Phillip playing with his food. Phillip and his toy.Â
This is not Phillipâs crazed rage. This is not suit and tie Phillip, rip your hair out from the roots Phillip, beat you until youâre unrecognizable Phillip.Â
This isnât the Phillip who slaughters innocent people. Who murders entire towns for pleasure.Â
For a very short moment, your mind drifts to Simon and Johnny. You wonder what theyâre doing right now, if theyâve already had their lunch, if Penny visited today. If maybe she napped with her Da safe and snuggled, sweet and asleep dreaming of sugar plums. You think about the light in Johnnyâs eyes from last night, the way he looked at his daughter, and Simon, and even you. You remember the press of Simonâs mask covered lips on your forehead, a sweet, comforting piece of affection that youâve already locked inside your heart.Â
You float there. In those feelings, those memories.Â
You wish they were here. You wish they could help you.Â
The acknowledgement is terrifying. It happens so fast, hardly a second, but in that time, horror shivers down your spine.Â
Youâd put them in danger, for yourself. Your selfish, stupid self.Â
Phillipâs mouth hovers over yours, and you swallow the gag rising in your throat.Â
âI canât stay.â He whispers, pseudo-gentle kisses adorning your nose, your cheek again. âItâs really rotten luck, honestly, you showing back up here today. I was just saying my see you laters.â Youâre not religious, but the thoughts come easily regardless. Oh god, thank god. Thank fucking god. You have a chance.âI know youâll be here when I get back, wonât you? Iâm tired of chasing you around the world, sugar.â He gives you another wet, closed lip kiss, and your jaw trembles. âIf youâre not, itâll be that much worse for ya.â
You can do this.
Itâs not anything you havenât done before.
Deep breath. You can do this.Â
Stepping outside the bathroom is like taking your first steps as a child. Youâre slow, pushing through the burn in your side, the sore agony in your shoulder, the torn cartilage youâre sure is the cause the of the pain in your shoulder.
You can do this.Â
Get it together. Get yourself together. Youâre not going far.Â
You make it down the hall without running into anyone, and once you reach the on-call room, youâre breathing long sighs of relief, sliding the lock into place after the door shuts behind your back.
Two black duffels sit on the floor, staring at you. Mocking you, just like the girl in the mirror.
What are you going to do?Â
The receptionist is calling your name.Â
You ignore her, trying to make it to the elevators, almost breaking into a run even though youâre in pain, your face throbbing, neck sore beyond belief.Â
âSorry, can you-â Intercepted on your path, she gasps. âOh my god, what happened?âÂ
âI was mugged.â Itâs a point-blank response, even though you sound like a frog or a piece of roadkill, and it brokers no argument. You look at her with the flattest gaze imaginable, dissuading her from saying anything else.Â
âI- Iâm sorry. Weâve been trying to call you.â The hair on the back of your neck rises.
âFor what?âÂ
âWe need your room. Thereâs been a block reserved, and it includes the floor you're on. I'm... sorry.â Youâre not able to contain your shock, mouth dropping open, heart cracking into tiny pieces.Â
On top of everything. Now this.Â
The receptionist peeks at you nervously, waiting on pins and needles for a response.Â
âWhen?â
âTomorrow morning, Iâm afraid. Iâm so sorry. The hotel apologizes, the block is paying for a higher rate and-âÂ
âItâs fine, really. I needed to check out anyway.â You know itâs not her fault. Hell, youâd be surprised if it wasnât the hotelâs fault either. Itâs not like Phillip wouldnât move heaven and earth to force you out of hiding. He's more than capable of finding out where youâre staying.Â
She gives you another apologetic look before scurrying away, and the elevator doors finally enclose around you, a tidal wave of despair swelling in your heart, dropping you to your knees with gut wrenching sobs.
Youâre crying again. Curled up in the on-call bed, your shoulders shake in hysteria, tears and panic overwhelming everything you have left, swallowing you until you canât see the surface anymore.
Your throat burns. Breathing is like rubbing sandpaper down the back of your tongue, and you wheeze when you try to take deep breaths, shoulder shrieking in misery every time you shift.
You have to get it together. You have to work in an hour.Â
But you canât. You dig deep and try, desperately working to pull something forward, something sane and controlled, but thereâs nothing to be found, only acid in your throat. The hysteria mounts. It catches the wind and flies down the hill, crashing into you over and over until your hands are clenched together so tight, even they hurt.
You fucking idiot. You waited too long. You ran out of time.Â
Youâre dead.Â
âOh my god.â Nia covers her mouth, eyes wide. You hold up a palm.
âIt looks way worse than it actually is.â Another nurse peeks around her shoulder, and gasps.
âWhat happened to you?â
âI was mugged yesterday, getting off the train.â
âOh my god!â
âIâm fine. Really.â
âDid you tell the police?â
âYes, I did.â You assuage them to the best of your ability, reassuring their worry. âI filed a report, and they didnât get anything important. Iâm okay. Really.â And then the kicker: âI would tell you if I wasnât.â You glance at everyone, four or five now, gathered around, and lay on the final piece of the puzzle. False familiarity and the ever present desire to be relevant. âWouldnât I, Nia?â You gesture around to expectant faces as if to say, tell them, and she readily agrees.
âYeah, she totally would.â
Everyone pretty much leaves you alone after that. Patients need checks, meds, all of the usual stuff. You assure Nia once more in private, promising that youâre okay, and she reluctantly leaves you alone too, once you swear up and down.
The only thing that doesnât leave you alone, is your cellphone.
>Hey, just wanted to check in, see how your day off was yesterday?Â
>Bunny :)
There are a few others, alternating like above, Simon first, then Johnny. Asking if you got some rest, if youâre okay, and then a promise not to push.
You ignore them.
You ignore the feeling in your chest at the sight of their incoming text messages, the proof of their care.
You ignore the way it feels to know theyâre only a floor below you.
You ignore the fact that when you got here today, all you wanted to do was run to Johnnyâs room and settle in that chair next to his bed, curl up close to them, where thereâs love, where thereâs warmth.Â
You ignore it at all.
Get it together. You have a job to do.Â
Simon appears at the pit three hours into your shift. Thereâs no one around, everyone trying to take breaks, cover breaks, or deal with whatever emergency is happening in the moment, except you.
And when you round the corner and spot him, waiting, it takes your breath away.
Half of your reaction is pure fear. The last thing you want is for him to see you like this. Beaten. Broken. Ugly. Â
The other half is⌠something pure. Something enamored. He came up here, why? Is he worried because you didnât answer? Do they care?Â
Still-
You start to turn on your heel, eyes flipping wide and panic startling your heart. Youâre barely a shadow, a clip of a person on the other end of the hall and yet-
âHey, there you are.â
Fuck. The acid starts to rise all over again. You keep your face tilted down towards the floor.
Maybe you can pretend you donât hear him. You leap back around the corner, practically running towards the on-call room, where your life sits in two black bags, waiting.
You canât do this. You canât face them, let them see.Â
Something desperate gnaws in the pit of your soul, a howl that begs you to turn back and let him in, let them both in, tell them everything.
Itâs selfish, and cruel.
Itâs unfair.
He calls your name. You still donât answer. Your scrub pants swish together as you jog, trying to get away, but the effort is in vain. Heâs too quick, long strides overtaking yours at a brisk walk, and just before you reach the door, he positions his body in front of the handle, an immovable wall.
Thereâs a long moment of silence. You stare up into his face, wide eyed, horrified.
You know what heâs seeing. A failure. A moron. A mess.Â
To his credit, his expression does not change. His brow does not furrow. He only stares at you, frozen, slow thawing fury finally glowing in his eyes after a centuriesâ long minute.
He reaches, time standing still, the back of his fingers stroking the lightest touch against your tender cheek, and his voice is almost unrecognizable behind the mask when he snarls,
âWho did this to you?â
The tears come in a flood. You donât understand why the breakdown comes in this moment, why everything crashes into a million little pieces, until you feel a strong, careful arm around your shoulders, pulling you into a broad, warm chest, face tenderly nestled into a black hoodie. It feelsâŚÂ safe. Like a home you havenât had in a long, long time. Like something you never thought youâd feel again.
Maybe itâs a moment of weakness. Maybe itâs your downfall, another thing for the girl in the mirror to be angry with you about, youâre not sure. Youâre not sure about anything except this feeling, this feeling that lights up your heart in an explosion of fireworks, fear and panic and anxiety soothing into sadness, into a homesick feeling for a love, a life youâve never had.
Maybe itâs a moment of weakness, when you sob his name, when you go limp against him and he holds you steady, a cheek atop your head, soft words washing over you in a whisper.
Maybe itâs a moment of weakness, but right now, you canât seem to care.
Johnny is distraught.
Simon brings you into his room, still tucked into his side. Heâs careful with you, telegraphing all his movements, letting you know where heâs going, reverence rich in his touch like heâs handling glass.
âWhat in the-â
âBun says she was mugged.â Simon tells him, and you miss whatever is happening over your bowed head, hands shaking with nerves all over again. âShe assures me sheâs not hurt but-â
âIâm fine.â You croak, and Johnny jerks, mouth half open in disbelief. The light is dim, casting short shadow across his face, his sweet eyes drenched in worry, and you stand at the foot of his bed, tears waiting on your waterline. âIâm okay, they didnât really get anything, and I-â
âCome here.â He cuts you off, raising both arms, extending them as wide as he can manage, scooting his hips to the side. Itâs a feat, but he hides the grimace of pain well. When you don't budge, he repeats himself, firmly the second time. âBunny. Come here.â
The shame burns, entrenched in you so deep, you know youâll never be able to cut it out, and your tears fall unbidden, encouraged by the hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach, your heart, an ache that you need soothed so desperately.
Youâre out of control. Youâre losing your grip.Â
You had a moment of weakness but this⌠this is too much.Â
âPlease, pretty girl.â He whispers, reaching you where no one else can. Speaking to you through the fog of your doubt, your hatred, your fear.
Your hands shake as you reach for his, and when you sit beside him, hip to thigh, he looks at you like heâs staring at someone other than the person who used to be his nurse. Heâs looking at you the way you catch him looking at Simon sometimes. Bright gaze full of love. Of worry.
âIâm okay.â
âNo, yeâre not.â He shakes his head. âYeâre not. This is not okay.â The way he says it feels like he knows, like he understands, and you swallow dry, breathing ragged and shallow. It turns frantic, and he squeezes your knee gently, redirecting your attention. âHey, shhh. Itâs okay. Yeâre safe with us.â Simon sits on the arm of the chair, directly next to the bed.
âDo you need to count your breaths?â He cuts directly to the quick. Will this provide you relief? Will this stop the pain? The agony?Â
No.Â
âN-no.â You gasp.
âOkay. Just try to breathe, everythingâs alright."
Iâm s-sorry. Iâm sorry. Itâs just this- this happened and then I found out I had to find a new place to stay, and I st-still havenât, so I have to sleep in the on call room, and I donât-â
âWhoa, okay. Slow down.â Simon soothes, hand slowly sliding up and down your spine. You relax into it, marginally, clocking the subtle upward tick of Johnnyâs lips, firm line shifting into a small smile, and then turning cross.Â
âWhat do ye mean, ye dinnae have a place to stay?â
âMy apartment-â is trashed. Is a scene of a crime. Is a hollow rib cage housing a dead heart. âis being renovated so Iâve been living in a hotel,â Johnny nods, like he knows. Of course he does. What secrets do they have between? Probably none. âBut someone reserved a whole block and thereâs no vacancies, so I had to check out this morning.â Itâs pathetic, the way youâre crying over this, the way you feel, but itâs all so forlorn in this moment, and you can't stop yourself from falling deeper and deeper into a well of despair, hopelessness dragging you to the bottom, trying to drown you. âItâs not a big deal but-â
âIt is a big deal.â Johnny declares. âYe had somethinâ horrible happen to ye, and now this on top of it?â Simon shifts, flat palm and fingers pushing down through the air, and you barely catch it from the corner of the eye. Itâs the same kind of sign you give someone when you want them to slow down, and you blink.
Whatâre you doing? Â
âI⌠Iâm fine.â You wince at the croak in your voice, last menthol infused cough drop wearing off, bringing back the raw pain in your windpipe, the gravel grit of bruising in your voice.
âItâs okay to be upset, bun. Anyone would be.â You wipe your face, chasing away the tracks of tears and trying not to wince when you straighten your back.
âI know, but Iâm okay. Really.â
âYe cannae stay in an on-call room.â What?
âOh⌠itâs fine. It,â wouldnât be the first time. âItâs not a big deal.â Simon is watching you, focused with that same blazing intensity that feels like heâs digging around inside your skull.Â
âWhy donât you stay with us?â
âWhat?â You blurt. âNo. No, I⌠I couldnât. Itâs not-â
âAppropriate?â Simon finishes, head cocked. âJohnny isnât your patient anymore.â
âAnd we have plenty oâ room. Pennyâs still staying with Priceâs a lot, because Simonâs here all the time, so itâd be nice and quiet for ye.â Say no. Tell them no.
âI couldnât. Itâs⌠you hardly know me. Youâd invite me to live in your house?â Incredulously, you stare at them, flicking back and forth between two expectant, understanding faces.
âWe know ye. Ye try to hide yerself from us, bun, but⌠ye cannae. Ye light up every room ye step foot in, and I dinnae think we would have made it through this without ye. Yeâre special to us, even if ye cannae accept it.â He winks. âYet.â
âWe want to help, sweetheart. Let us help you.â Youâre between a rock and a hard place. An immovable force, and object. Two wills, locking in around you.
But instead of a cage, itâs warm. Itâs gentle. Itâs⌠safe.
âI couldnât encroach.â Youâre on autopilot, mouth making sounds that your heart protests. Simon sighs.
âYouâre not encroaching. Weâre inviting you.â
You would be putting them in danger.Â
âI⌠I canât.â
âWhy?â Johnnyâs still got his hand on yours, and he squeezes, carefully. âTalk to us, bunny.â
âTell us whatâs really going on.â Simon is grave, and for a second, air gets stuck in your lungs, fighting to escape.
You cannot tell them. No matter what. You canât. The turtleneck is too tight, cotton and polyester scratching at your sore skin, and you shiver.
âThere⌠thereâs n-nothing going on. What if the people that mugged me,â come back to finish the job? Track me down? Words die on your tongue, the lamest attempt to push them back withering away. Simon is having none of it.
âWeâre special forces, love. No one is going to get to you while youâre with us." He pauses, trapping you, holding you in stasis, and when he repeats himself, it's a dark vow, a promise. "No one.â
If you do this. You have to tell them.
You can trust them. Theyâve proven that so far, havenât they?Â
You hardly know them.Â
But isnât that better?Â
âIâŚâ Your hand raises instinctively to your throat, and Johnnyâs eyes narrow.
âBunny.â He leans forward at the waist, slow as to not hurt himself, and you sit, frozen, bug eyed, transfixed on his hand that are stretching towards your turtleneck.
You should stop him. You should tell him to back off. You should do something.Â
You can't. You don't. You sit there, waiting for the discovery. Waiting for the shame.Â
Once he hooks his pointer finger in the top and tugs, itâs over.
Your heart stops in your chest. Johnny burns, dragon flame and rage, incineration boiling over in his body.
âBleedinâ christ.â He hisses.
âFucking hell.â Simon echoes, and you close your eyes. You know the tender skin looks bad. Swollen. Angry.
âPlease.â You whisper, lower lip quivering, floodgates trying to burst into pieces. âPlease I⌠I canât talk about it. I c-canât, I canât-â
âOkay, okay. Shh, itâs okay. Youâre safe now, sweetheart. Youâre safe.â Youâre crying violently, unable to see, trying to rasp out apologies, and Simon stands, tucking you back into his chest, big hand on the back of your head. Johnny keeps his touch at your back, consistent, reassuring pressure that rubs from the top of your spine down, and he hums delicate, affectionate phrases lilting in heavy Scotsâ.
The girl in the mirror screams at you inside your head. She calls you a fool. A coward. She tells you the truth, that youâll only get them hurt, that you know better.
You donât disagree with a single thing. You know all this to be true.
But for a moment⌠would it be so bad to indulge? To have one- two good things in your life, even if itâs fleeting. Even if you know how it will end, can you not just have this for yourself, in this suspended moment of time, this chance?
You want it. Them. So desperately, it swells and aches and tugs at you, just as they do.
Time ticks forward, and you do not pull away. You don't try to hide, or evade. You just... exist. Between them. The rock and the hard place.Â
âAlright?â Simon murmurs, your tears now stopped, only delicate sniffles sounding from his chest. You nod, shifting backward to take them both in.
âI⌠if youâll have me, Iâll⌠Iâll stay, until I can find a place.â Inky dark shadow flickers across Simonâs face, but sunlight chases it away, happiness crinkling at the corners of his eyes.
âAre ye sure?â Johnny is hopeful, bright, and beautiful, and you tighten your grasp on his hand, holding it like youâll never let go. You take a deep breath-
You take the plunge.
A moment in the sun.Â
âIâm sure.â
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