#WHEW THIS WAS A BEAST!!! had to go back through dms for a while!

[cashandprizes]

5+1 Redacted Headcanons

thank you sooo much @ejunkiet you absolute darling for tagging me, this is so exciting!

Tagging my friends (hope you weren't tagged yet): @bratty-telepath, @penncilkid, @zozo-01, @latenightsleeper share your headcanons with the world (tumblr)

Uhhhhh since it's me we're just gonna put this bad boy under a cut, minors dni go away and as usual we take canon out back like ol yeller k thanks let's get into it

1.

In case you haven't noticed, I have a lot of thoughts about Lasko Moore. I'm gonna talk about the fact that Lasko gives off such repressed Southern Bible Belt energy, tgwgigitgwdd. I think it would be so funny if he got rid of his southern accent until he forgets himself and says some real southern grandma shit like "Jesus Mary and Joseph" or "Mother of pearl" or "Jesus be a fence". I feel like Lasko's storyline is pretty queer coded and I think you know why not just add in a little religious trauma to top it off? Not only is being the magical queer son of an unempowered family hard, there's definitely some bible thumpers who think it's demonic, it's a sin, you name it. And who does everything is about church and you are filled with sin better than southern Catholics am I right? like iykyk. That man was repressed as fuck and moving to Dahlia and being around magic users was obviously so life-changing for him.

2.

Which is where it gets spicy, cause it's me. Deep in Lexi (@autisticempathydaemon) and I's DMs is what I like to call the "Unholy Trinity" files, which is me just talking about various redacted characters and their hoe phases before canon started and this post features two different headcanons. When it comes to Lasko though, like I said that boy was REPRESSED and once he was on his own? Oh he went wild. I like to think it started with him going with his roommates or something to an unempowered frat party and he was like "I want to be this free. I want to not have to think" and it started with him just getting drunk but then he realized there's an even better way to shut your mind off that doesn't come with a hangover - getting fucked stupid. The most important part of this headcanon though was at the height of his hoe phase, he was at an unempowered frat party on a weekend after one of the local college sportsball teams won a championship. Lasko was like a little fucked up idk maybe he took some molly or something but he decided that since they won the game, there should be a reward right? Which ends up being him letting like 12 dudes on the football team run a train on him like some kind of hentai gangbang. He doesn't really remember it, but he's LEGENDARY at that college for years afterwards.

3.

And then there's Doll cause it isn't me if I don't talk about Regulus. I obviously looove Reggie and while I hear the Regulus has kidnapped his listener and they are struggling against him, hear me out. I think it would be so delightful if Regulus's listener was someone who was at such a bad point in their life that Regulus was a welcome change. Doll thinks they're going crazy at first, but it's so nice to not have to worry about things anymore. They don't have to go to work, they don't have to worry about making and keeping friends, they don't have to worry about money - Regulus takes care of all of it. Regulus tells them exactly what to do and makes them do it and it's suuuuuuch a relief for them to have someone tell them what to do and to completely give into someone. Regulus to me seems like someone who needs to be needed and by god I gave him a listener who is so grateful for him erasing everything in their brain but him. Also playing with the idea that Doll could be blind, but that's a whooooole other post.

4.

Sentencing your partner to three hours in silly jail for their silly crimes against humanity. love me a hot honey pizza So I love Guy and have been listening to him a lot and talking about him a lot. It's almost a problem. But I have this hilarious idea that after Guy and Honey got together, lived together for a while, really got into each other, they needed to get a new apartment. They're not super well off, but they weren't willing to compromise on the fact that they needed to be on a top floor and sturdy ceilings so they could have anchor points for suspension. Because Honey loves tying Guy up, gagging him, and sitting in a chair nearby with a cup of coffee getting some work done and their hoodie on while Guy... hangs out. get it, hangs out??? anyway there's also a sign in the room that says "Silly Jail" which Guy finger painted for Honey as a joke but is hung on the wall.

5.

Milo..... oh Milo. How I have mentally corrupted you. This is part two of the unholy trinity files. I think Milo used to be, and I say this in the kindest way possible, a bit of a fuckboy. He was a good guy, he was really polite, but he wasn't interested in relationships but definitely into sex. And Milo Greer got AROUND. Lexi and I were like "how many people in canon can we have made him sleep with and can we put them in a groupchat called 'raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized by milo greer' where they just trade stories about how buckwild he got before he grew out of it" and it's HILARIOUS. Somehow Vincent, Sam, and Alexis are in the gc and they HATE IT, Lasko and Gavin are in there, Hudson definitely is, and just a bunch of people. There's some HILARIOUS mock texts we made that I will share with you. “I didn’t know I could squirt until Milo Greer” "milo greer is all i can think about when people talk about men growling in erotic novels. i asked him for a demonstration for a book i was writing and somehow I ended up with my panties shredded, covered in bites, and dehydrated. my novel is doing really well now btw" "i cannot believe milo has fucked me and both of my siblings. good to know you're all here, say nothing about it ever" "when he said my size was not a problem he wasn't fucking playing. he deadlifted me because he thought it would make me feel better. this man had my ankles by my ears. no man has ever compared" "you know how guys like to say they can turn lesbians? if he got me, he could get others. lesbians are no longer safe"

+1

And last but certainly not least I have been a whore I am a whore I will continue to be a whore - If being a hot werewolf boy means you don't have a knot, I don't want it anymore untrue but my point stands. I love a/b/o, I love knots, I'm a monsterfucker, what can I say? I think all of the Shaw pack would really just be improved if being a wolf shifter meant you got a fat knot. I know can't be the only one, come on somebody.