#WHERE ELSE am i gonna find ones that i want to absorb into my being like louis ironson and shiv roy. tell me that

[shivroy]

the problem with being into succession is that then other things are not as good as succession. (except angels in america)

[welcometomypersonalhell098]

Don’t Imagine with Jade Leech…

Warning: None! As far as I’m aware. Some weird mushroom? It does “bleed” but not much detail

author’s note: this is my first ficpost!! planning on a floyd ver for suresies >:) (god no one is gonna see this this is so self indulgent)

1.3k words, fluff, pre-relationship

DON’T Imagine…that for once you didn’t have to worry about overblots or whatever latest shenanigans your friends had gotten up to. Everyone was in their own little bubbles, even Grim who had pounced on the chance to attend a Heartslabyul tea party. For once, there was only peace and you couldn’t be more relieved. You decide to take a leisurely stroll through the halls of NRC. Why not? You could stand to learn more about the place that you call home now. (You wonder if it will be that way indefinitely.)

Don’t think about peering into the science classroom while being sucked into the vortex that was your own thoughts and finding Jade shouldering on hiking gear. The equipment was bulky yet swung across his back effortlessly as he took stock of his stuff. You spot a lantern peeking from the side of his overcoat and a compass on a backpack strap. You blink and realize this must be the “Mountain Lovers” Club that Jade himself had told you about in passing. You recall that conversation with a weird fondness. Jade Leech was most certainly a man to be wary of—that was a fact without question. But, in the moment you showed interest in his little club: you saw his eyes shine with a wholesome joy. That is not a passion a person could fake, you were sure of it.

“Prefect? Can I help you?”

Oh, certainly do not think about how you were caught staring. Jade’s eyebrow crooks upward with the beginnings of a crooked smirk creeping up his face. You clear your throat and ask where he was going. Try not to think about how you feel like you walked in on something intimate. Don’t, because your face is warm. You don’t miss the way his face brightens ever so slightly under the usual mask of cunning.

“Ah. I am heading to the mountains. It is a little ways from the school gate, and yet I have yet to scale it. I wish to correct that today.” You hum in response. It wasn’t like you had much else to do today, and Jade wasn’t bad company—to you at least. It was hard to tell with him; like any day now could be the day the other shoe drops. You know that. And yet, you ask to join him.

“You…Want to?” He says, the shock written all over his face. It shifts back just as quickly as it came into the Jade’s usual polite expression. “Fuhuhu…I would not want to turn you away after you asked so nicely after all. “

In a few hours, you and Jade were well on your way up the mountain. The journey was mostly quiet as the two of you walk side by side absorbing the peacefulness into your very bones. Sunlight streams through leaves above you and warm your skin, the chittering of woodland birds becomes the soundtrack, and the crunching of sticks accent your footfalls. Interspersed among beats of comfortable silence was Jade’s stops to examine mushroom specimens for his terrariums.

He halts you with a hand on your wrist for one of these stops(don’t think about how it stops your heart singlehandedly) and crouches to a mushroom though it looks to you much more like an open pomegranate. “A ‘Bleeding Tooth’,” Jade says with a hushed awe in his voice, “It secretes a thick red liquid—hence the name. Despite that, it is completely nonpoisonous. What a most fascinating specimen.” The name was indeed scary sounding. You crouch down next to Jade for a better look, and you can’t help but agree with wonder.

There is a pause. As you look at this most strange looking growth, Jade peers at you. “Creepy. Is it not?” He says nonchalantly. You blink up at him. He looks back with a glint in his eye that you feel as familiar. You just can’t quite recall from where. But it makes you feel wrong inside. “Mushrooms are a particularly extraordinary part of land ecosystems,” He continues, “They do not hunt or hide. But they will be the ones to dispose of all life eventually and make it anew. And if something, or someone, were to stop them…well there’s been enough proof of its power.”

Ah. You remember now. His yellow eye draws you in like an angler fish draws in prey. You cannot help but liken this scene to when you first met Jade in the Coral Sea—when he was swimming circles around you and merely toying with his food.

“It is a little scary, is it not?” Jade Leech says again. You stare. And Jade stares back. Something in the back of your mind supplies the nature of Jade’s unique magic to you. It does nothing to stifle the tension in the air that threatens to suffocate you. You wonder, if there was any part of Jade that wanted to make you bleed like the mushroom he so admired.

“Not really.” You reply as you turn back to the fungi. Jade makes a tilt of his head. “Really, now?” You nod. “I mean, that’s how they survive, right? They grow in bright colors and weird shapes to make sure they can live. It’s not like we can fault them for that,” You point to the oozing mass in front of you both, “Isn’t that what every living thing wants? And it’s pretty important that they decompose stuff, since it recycles nutrients. If anything, doesn’t it make them pretty essential?”

You look over at Jade again: “They don’t tend to hurt the living unless somebody decides to mess with it. And some don’t have any effects at all. It’d be weird to lump them all together like that.”

Jade stares. And you stare back. Something imperceivable happens within his mind and you find yourself wishing you could peer inside. He smiles. “I knew bringing you along would be most fruitful.” And he stoops down to take the Bleeding Tooth with him.

You’ve been walking for a few hours at this point. The two of you chat more freely now after that little pitstop. You find yourself slowing as you hike higher and higher up the mountain: apparently you severely misjudged the fitness and experience required for such a journey. Your hiking partner’s mirth in his eyes cannot be overstated and you shoot him a look. He plays it off masterfully with a faux offended look that you would even say such a thing. You nudge his side. He laughs. Despite his ribbing, he lends you his hand to pass the rougher terrain. Do not think about how your fingers lace perfectly against each other. Do not think about how when you make it across the felled tree in the way; Jade takes a few seconds longer than necessary to pull away.

At last, the you two make it to the top and the view was worth your pain and more. It was gorgeous: the sun casting hues of orange, yellow, and pink as it sets across the vastness of the mountain below you. Every tree and bush looked like strokes of a paintbrush on the ethereal work of art. You turn excitedly to Jade at your side to point out the way the clouds frame the scene—and are met with his expression examining your own. You dared not put a name to it, but it made your heart race in a way you didn’t know it could. Do not even think about classifying Jade’s expression as “fond” or god forbid “admiring.”

Because then, it would mean your heart would be as good as his.

[pet-pet-peet]

I don’t know if my request got through, I’m sorry in advance if it and I’m wasting your time reading this. I asked for some platonic headcanons for azul, floyd, and malleus where they visit readers school in their world for the event. (Malleus uses magic to hide his horns)

Omg wait this is super cute! The Malleus part gives me vibes to My Inner Demons (Aphmau)

I am trying to go through my drafts and post the ones I had done, this will not be inspired by canon!

Story: They visit your school in your world with you for a week

Tw: cafeteria food slander from personal experience; lmk!

Pairing(s): Azul, Floyd, Malleus x gn reader going to their school (separate) (platonic)

𝕬𝖟𝖚𝖑

He stands out a bit because of his hair, but otherwise everyone sees him normally

For the most part- he does have moments where he’s caught being confused over a piece of history everyone in your world has learned-

Very interested in seeing how different schools in your world function, even if the differences are slight

He’s a little bit thrown off when he learns there’s no magic at all, makes him overly aware of his magic and when he uses it

He likes to talk to your other friends to get dirt on you, just in case he ever needs it

Probably becomes really popular through the time he attends your school

Also picks up the academics really easily, which makes the teachers like him

You have to tell him not to set up his deals in your world- he probably does so anyway, though

Hates your cafeteria’s food, it doesn’t taste how he likes and feels unhealthy, so he convinces you to either bring him food from home or buy him more (but he does it in an Azul way that’ll end up with him not being in your debt, probably makes deals with you to help you with something)

Probably has a lot of fun, learns some things he’s definitely gonna find a way to incorporate into his business practices

𝕱𝖑𝖔𝖞𝖉

He’s very clingy to you, so even if teachers want him to go somewhere else he’ll stay with you or force you to go with him

On the chance he’s not feeling the classes, he’ll ditch them and just wander around and explore the school grounds

He doesn’t usually feel like learning things from your world, doesn’t really see the point in it, so he probably just distracts you while you’re in class together

Stands out immediately, probably one of the tallest guys in your school so everyone notices him immediately in the halls. That on top of his hair and eyes, he becomes very popular very quickly

Drags you around in between periods to show you places he thought were cool hiding spots from teacher (he confirms he used them when you ask)

Even though he’s only there for a week, he gets random love letters everyday and makes you read them to him because he can’t be bothered to focus long enough to do so himself

Doesn’t mind the school food, but probably doesn’t eat much of it anyway cause it’s still not the best

Doodles on all the paperwork he’s given instead of actually filling them out; that said, art is his best subject in your world (Unless you’re also in a music class, then that’s his favorite and best subject)

Probably antagonizes some of the staff because he thinks it's funny, doesn't end too well for you though

Mixed bag, finds it incredibly boring some days, finds it interesting for others

𝕸𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖚𝖘

He makes sure to stick by the strict rule: he isn't allowed to use magic except to hide his horns and ears

He towers over everyone and quickly becomes notorious for it, if he didn't actively seek you out you'd probably never be able to get through the crowds that always surround him

His high class vibe gets a lot of people's attention, so he gets invited to quite a bit of parties for a change. He's pretty prideful of it, but usually forgets or just doesn't go cause you aren't going

He absorbs your history relatively easily, but will still ask you for more details on the different subjects you learn

Definitely almost forgot to hide his horns one day and you had to panic remind him before he left the apartment

Gets lost when walking around your school sometimes since he's trying to find any sign of gargoyles that may have been removed

Sometimes he just wants to ditch with you, the history of your world is fascinating and all but he wants to see it more instead of just hearing about it

Pretty sensitive when people try to tease his eyes and fangs, but hides it behind snarky remarks and sarcasm

Absolutely refuses to eat food from the cafeteria, also refuses to call it food. You have to bring him lunch or buy it from somewhere better if you want him to eat

Remembers quite a few of the stories he learned, both real and fake, and made sure to recite them to the rest of Diasomnia (he never clarified which were real or not. Have fun explaining to the gang that the Wizard of Oz doesn't exist)

[goldfish-afterhours]

Realization Upon Termination

-- aka Diluc hunts down Childe in the mistaken belief he had killed his brother

Characters: Diluc, Childe x Kaeya

Type/genre: Bulleted headcanons, angst(?), comedic at the end i guess

Warnings: Not proof read at all

A/N: This is acc my outline for a fic I was gonna write but I still haven't written it 2 years later so I'm just posting it like this lol

Kaeya doesn’t come to the bar for a long time. Diluc is used to seeing his annoying face everyday, and despite how many times he’s kicked him out, Kaeya always comes back the next day, so Diluc’s given up 

Recently, he had been coming in with his boyfriend, Childe, a Fatui Harbinger deployed to Mondstadt. 

Childe was only in Mondstadt for a short period of time, and every time Childe would visit, Kaeya would seem a little brighter, his laugh would be a little louder

Diluc, of course, hates Childe. Not just because he’s a harbinger—but it’s a reminder that Diluc himself is alone, while Kaeya was able to move on and be happy with his life

Despite all that’s happened, this is when Diluc is jealous of Kaeya. Diluc has his money and family name, but he’s inexplicably tied down to them while Kaeya is free to do whatever he wants. It’s only when he’s roaming the streets at night does Diluc feel free from his chains of being the esteemed Ragnivindr Head. 

Childe and Kaeya visit the bar one night. Kaeya is as easy-going as always, but Childe seems off. He doesn’t drink the alcoholic drinks Kaeya buys him, and seems to be pushing Kaeya to drink more, drink more.

Diluc wants to step in, but he feels odd doing so. He never showed much care to Kaeya before, and it’d seem weird if he did now, so Diluc just watches it happen. 

The next night, however, Kaeya doesn’t come to the Angel’s Share. Diluc thinks that perhaps he’s on a date somewhere else with Childe, when Jean comes in, asking him if he’s seen Kaeya

Diluc says he hasn’t. It turns out Kaeya did not show up for work that day. She went to look for Childe to ask him, but Childe wasn’t in the Goth Hotel. None of the Fatui were giving her any answers either, and were being weirdly defensive about Childe

Rosaria, who was drinking at the counter, mentions seeing Childe just outside of Mondstadt, alone, bow in hand without his gloves when she was heading to the bar. She thought it was weird, but didn’t say anything to him, as he was leaving Mondstadt. However, she tailed him to Whispering Woods, where he just seemed to be going on a leisurely walk, so she left.

Diluc’s first thought is that Childe must have done something to Kaeya. He sets down the glass he was polishing and grabs his claymore. Jean asks him if he’ll need backup, and Diluc refuses, saying this is something for him to do

As a brother? As the Darknight of Mondstadt? He wasn’t sure

The sun was starting to go down. Diluc scored the Whispering Woods but found no sign of the harbinger. It’s only when the stars could be seen in the sky does Diluc find him, wading in Starfell Lake. 

“Ah...so the big brother’s found me.”

“What are you doing?”

“What am I doing? Well, you could say I’m erasing the evidence. You know, water washes away all sorts of things.”

“Where’s Kaeya?” 

“Hah, well…who knows?” 

Diluc takes out his sword. Surprisingly, Childe doesn’t want to fight him, saying he was tired and wasn’t in the mood for a fight for once. 

Diluc lunges at Childe, filled with anger, not only at him but at himself. 

Why is it only after everything is over does Diluc realize what he actually had?

Kaeya was trying to mend his relationship with him, but Diluc was too absorbed in what he had lost that he didn’t realize Kaeya was the only family he had left 

Diluc knocks the harbinger to the ground, water splashing as he falls. 

“Such a protective older brother, aren’t you?”

“You…you bastard…”

“Well, can’t say I blame you. If Tonia ever argues with her boyfriend in the future, I’d want to beat him within an inch of his life as well.”

That’s when Diluc stops, claymore above his head in mid-swing, confused. 

Suddenly, Kaeya appears from the woods, having been sent by Jean and Rosaria after he walked into the Angel’s Share later that night, wanting to be comforted by alcohol 

“Diluc, what are you doing?”

“...avenging your death?” 

Childe laughs, explaining that he was looking for calla lilies and fishing for Kaeya as an “I’m sorry” present 

“You thought he killed me? Really? I may only have one eye, but I certainly don’t have that bad an eye for men.”

“He’s a harbinger. There’s nothing about him I can trust.”

The night ends with Kaeya and Diluc helping Childe back to the cathedral for first-aid (for his hurt feelings)

Diluc and Kaeya’s relationship still feels a little strained, but perhaps Diluc has the Fatui to thank for helping him realize what he still had 

[giftedsupport]

I found out that I am profoundly gifted recently and have been struggling with an odd sense of guilt around it. Do you have any tips for working through this?

I understand feeling guilty about being gifted, and I'm trying to brainstorm all the reasons that might be happening. The culture often does not like some people to smarter than everybody else, so it could just be societal. But in my personal experience, I was kind of embarrassed about being gifted because my mom was a narcissist. (Sorry, this is gonna be a little complicated.)

My mom always had to feel superior. So on one hand, she was very proud of having gifted kids, because she could brag about us to other people (makes her feel superior). But on the other hand, she didn't feel she was gifted, which made her resent our giftedness (because it made her feel inferior). Even when I was identified officially as gifted in third grade, I remember having this talk with another gifted friend about how we could never ever ever make anybody else feel inferior and make it look like we were feeling superior about being smarter. Because I had already absorbed from my mother that to feel superior about being superior (to her) in any way was BAD.

That message kind of messed me up: I was subliminally taught that I was expected to Achieve (so mom could brag about me), but if I even felt a little proud of my own achievements, that meant I was Bad. It got to the point where people would be like, "Hey, remember when you won X award?" and I'd be like, "What are you talking about? I never won X award" and then I'd find out that I DID, but I suppressed my pride in that accomplishment so hard that I'd forgotten I'd done it.

I'm not trying to make this post all about me, but this is the best source I have to understand where feelings like this might be coming from. A lot of us are taught, either by jealous friends/family members or from society, that people who are gifted are therefore assholes about it, and that being gifted is therefore Bad and says Bad Things about your character. Which when you state it outright, is clearly absolute bullshit. But these messages sink deep into our psyches from early childhood, and they're hard to excavate.

The best I can do on the advice front is this:

Remind yourself frequently that there is nothing wrong with being gifted, and that you CAN be proud of your own accomplishments without being an asshole.

If it continues to really bother you, consider digging into your childhood and trying to figure out where these feelings may be coming from. This can be hard and the work of many years, because (for instance) kids never want to believe bad things about their parents: I didn't work out that my mom was emotionally abusive until I was in my 30s, and it was only after that that the puzzle pieces of my psyche started to fall into place.

So if you try to work it out for awhile and you can't, and either it's bothering you, or your guilt about your giftedness is negatively affecting your life, then I would recommend talking to a therapist about it so they can help you with a little expert outside perspective.

...

Congratulations on learning that you are gifted. I mean that. We're made to think that we aren't supposed to be proud of it, but you absolutely can be. Being gifted IS something to be proud of. And congratulations that you are learning new things about yourself, that you have the perception to realize when your feelings don't match the facts, and that you have the courage to face the mystery of your own mind and dig into the truth. The gifted community welcomes you.

[choliosus]

Happy one year to the QSMP!!!!

There’s a lot going on with the server right now that is being sorted out, but I just want to share my appreciation for every part of this project.

This server means so much to me. I used to watch DSMP and it will always hold a special place in my heart, but as anything does, it ended. It was already dwindling out but I think the thing that really did it was technoblade passing. And I’m gonna be honest I’m still not over that. I watched him more than any other creator, he means so much to me. The time in between his death and the start of the qsmp was especially sad. I was just missing a lot. Him, the server he played on, that community, etc.

I wanted to engage with the content from the people that he played with, but it was hard. Every update about him, such as technodad streaming, dream making the song about him, was a lot emotionally.

Also not to mention I was sooo hyperfixating on both him and the dream smp as a whole. So it left a big void in my life. I wanted to be wholeheartedly invested in something again.

Around the beginning of 2023, I started watching old Quackity vods and that became my new comfort thing. Just the silly ones where he was watching soap operas and stuff.

Then not so long after I had started doing that, he announced the QSMP. I cannot describe to you my excitement. That week or so before it started I was just so excited. And before that lmaoooo I was not thriving. School was crazy busy, I cut my own bangs and it looked terrible, and that pretty much exemplifies where I was at.

I remember switching to slimecicle’s perspective at some point during the first stream and I followed him, fit, roier, and Mariana as they went mining and were very silly. I smiled the whole time. And then, I watched more the next day, and the next day.

I had forgotten what it felt like to be a part of something that was actively taking place. It had been a while since that was how the dream smp was. I would go weeks or months without any updates, and I would just be by myself reading fanfics.

It felt really fucking good to be able to enjoy something new. Not to replace what I had before, but to start a new adventure. That’s what it feels like to me.

There was a lot to keep up with at first and luckily I had social media to sum things up for me.

Fast forward and the Brazilian members join, then the French. Each time I was a little hesitant to accept them with open arms into my mind palace but it wasn’t very long until I couldn’t imagine the server without them.

And from day 1 I was so impressed with the planning and story of the server, forcing people to stay interested. That’s something the dream smp didn’t have. I honestly don’t think I would need any of the events to have a good time, but oh my god do they make it so fun.

And the animatics???? Hello?????? I love it so much.

Now I’ve learned to accept any new members immediately. Korean members join? TIME TO DRAW THEM!

Quackity started this project with a clear vision. It is so clearly a huge passion project for him. I don’t doubt for a second that it will keep going no matter what happens.

This server has exposed me to so many creators I would never have even heard of and that’s the point. I only speak English. Without this server, I would not know half of my current silly little blorbos.

I can’t believe how creative and funny Roier is. I think about Cellbit Bagi’s lore all the time. I find myself saying “I am the best!” After Etoiles. I’ve tried to absorb as much of the fuga impossivel lore as I can. I adore Baghera’s chaos. Even some of the English speaking people I didn’t really watch that much, like jaiden, fit, even slimecicle, who I now watch probably more than anyone else.

The other day, I watched the stream of cellbit and roier playing hospital 666. In Spanish!! I don’t speak Spanish!!! I only understood about half of what they’re saying and I’m sure that half is because of QSMP. That’s incredible. This is something so much bigger than any one of us.

QSMP has given me so many people to start watching and drawing/writing/thinking about. It has given me hours upon hours of laughing and smiling. It has given me a new hyperfixation to occupy my thoughts before bed.

It means so much to me. Ever since it started, I’ve been so much happier. I could never have imagined something like this would come around. Honestly, there is not anything like this. It is the first of its kind, hopefully not the last 👀

A year went by fast. And I’m so glad to have been here since the beginning. But even then, new people join this community all the time. That’s so cool. This server has in just a year added so many more content creators, and by extension, fans. It’s insane.

And I am so, so excited for what the future will bring us 😊

[feelo-fick]

Scarab & Prismo & Snufkin & Muddler for the character bingo!

(doesn’t have to be all of these of course. But can be)

I NEED TO KILL SCARAB. ITS A NEED. I NEED HIS BLOOD (<- will weep at any angst including him). HES EVEYTHING HES HORRIBLE HES A WRETCHED THING I HATE HIM HES THE WORST I WILL KISS HIM. AUGH. what the hell.

anyways i find him relatable.. something something vulnerability hard and shit yada yada but ALSO i make weird squawking/squeaky noises when im annoyed and i like to imagine he does that with the chirping... its funny

ALSO THE FANDOM KEEPS MAKING HIM SUFFER AND I LOVE IT AND WANT MORE BUT ALSO OW FUCK THAT HURTS WHY OW OW OW everything about his - concerning - respect (kneel for your life.) for authority (he was only following orders.) and isolation (he was never invited to those parties.) from the rest of. well everyone (he doesnt need them. he enjoys being alone. he doesnt need anyone else. he doesnt want it, he doesnt want it, he promises he doesnt.) is just SO. augh.

and the self sabotaging aspect of it. no one will love you, youve accepted that, so you stop sanding down your teeth. you bite and claw at any attempt to soothe your aches and stroke your spikes down, theyre only trying to find a soft spot near your belly.

your worst fears come true. youll never let it happen again. youll stand straight, youll make yourself seem bigger to scare off anyone who tries to come close to you. which leads to anyone who couldve helped you being dissuaded and backing off. serves them right, you never needed fixing. you never needed anyone. ...the clycle begins again. it aches. why? it shouldnt. that isnt allowed.

they should stop that, stop poking at the weak spots. it hurts to feel. you KNOW its to help. you dont want to be helped. stop it, stop. everyones going to know. they cant know it aches. theyll use it against you. keep kneeling, head lower, arch your back. maybe theyll be amused enough to give you mercy.

...cough. well anyways. im gonna stop here before this turns into a full on character analysis and MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ONEEEE WOO

(youll start to notice a pattern that i express love for characters by wishing to kill them cough)

ANYWAYS MY SECOND HUSBAAND WHOM I WANT DEAD . hes. hes so. i cant.

i honestly love his aesthetic i dont know why. the tv/light/dream shit has a lot of potential methinks. i love the thought of a job swap au where prismo uses light/tech as a way to interact with the world while still being stuck somewhere else... and also the visual funkiness of him being projected onto many many tv screens brings me joy. i want that gender...

also. in general i love it when gods are depicted ss being really mortal-like... like, youre a cosmic being with power and omnipotence over the multiverses you watch over, and yet. you like sandwiches and pools and games and hanging out wih friends and its just. on every level but literal you are mortal and alive and wholly r e a l. but youre not. youre a dream, a projection, youre not even in the dimensions of the people you (love) watch. youre an outsider and its very clear. youre THIS CLOSE to being just like them. but youre not. and you never will be.

youre admired by those who are like you, but you dont really care for it. but those who you do care about either dont see you as anything more than a tool to manipulate the multiverse or see you as too grand to be able to connect with in a way that isnt "you are god and i am not". youre stuck in a prison you yourself control. but a prison is still a prison. people want what you have- how you wished they had it instead of you! maybe then, youd be loved. maybe then, things wouldnt be so ear-deafingly quiet. silence sticks out like a sore thumb in the yearning- the wish to not be alone.

OKAY AM I JUST GONNA DO THIS FOR ALL OF THEM. WHAT THE HELL. MOVING ON.

okay this time im not gonna intensely analyse his character. hopefully.

AHEM . SNUFKIN!!!! my best friend i love him so so much.......... i need to absorb his fucking vibes and gender so hard what the hell. LIKE BROTHER. HOW DO YOU PULL OFF THAT MUCH SWAGGER WITHOUT EVEN TRYING oh and also there are so many things wrong with you are you like okay bud...

i like to think that "omg hes just like me frfr" but the fact that i get so excited about that thought proves that I actually kin moomintroll nsnxjsjjsj WHICH MAKES SENSE. makes a lot of sense

i love how people interpret his personality... and i love seeing all the potential angst/drama/whatever you call it that could pop up because of how avoindant he is... and his relationships with the other characters... the way he so easily distances himself from others while (i know this isnt about him but once you talk deeply about one of them i suppose you cant leave out the other) moomintroll clings a little too hard onto him...

ill be honest im a bit rusty on anything moomin related, so forgive my poor memory + hesitation, but i do love em a lot still!!! no hyperfixation is dead, just dormant, as they say........... havent thought about them in a while but i should really brush up on everyones characters and the way they interact ... would be really helpful for some analysis and application to my own work and- YEAH WHATEVER YOU GET IT NEXT ONE

OKAY SO I HAVENT HEARD TOO MUCH ABOUT MUDDLER (aside from bloom's stuff - bless you bloom) BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT HES VERY RELATABLE AND FUNKY AND I LOVE HIM FOR THAT... button collector.... so me fr............

im quite neutral on account of the fact that (again) i havent seen much of him, but i think hes really neato and also(!) i actually used him as inspo for my sona design... ITS JUST THAT, his design fucks so hard so so hard its such a good design. PEAK. absolute peak...

IDK ! i think muddler is such a nice and cool little critter... i would love to have more content of him!!! i need to know more about him!!! honestly atp someone could tag me on muddler content id be happy to have it... i think id really really love him if i just knew more(!!!) but i dont unfortunately waaah..

[nokingsonlyfooles]

It follows you...

Yep. There it is. Bound to happen. This is still not as bad as Arizona - which, my followers should know, I fled due primarily to the concentration camps for tots, but this BS was ramping up as I got out and continued after I left. And, yes, the "children are identifying as kitty-cats" lie, baby-talk and all, has made its way here too.

Do you want to know why there's cat litter in some US classrooms, Canada? Because I know, and I'll tell ya.

It's so they can make an emergency bucket toilet in the event of a lockdown during a shooting. Children in the States go to school every day knowing they may die in any number of fun ways, and being shot is just one of them. To make them - and the rest of us - feel a bit better about that, ha-ha, we tried to make an absorbent material available for them to pee in while they're waiting for an active shooter to break down their door and kill them.

Now, you have much less of a gun problem, Canada, but that's a goal you can shoot for if you so desire! Ha-ha! I don't know what it is about the disintegration of American conservativism and the Republican party and democracy itself you find so attractive, but if you feel like you need that in your culture, you can have it! Your system has similar vulnerabilities to exploit! Adopt, adapt and improve!

We knew that, probably, we weren't going to find a safe place to land, just a relatively safer one. It's been good for me. I am finally getting healthcare - though it took a shitton of luck and perseverance. And I'm gonna need even more of it to keep fighting for a space for myself and others like me.

Canada, you are repairing the broken body of an anarchist who is willing to burn property and politicians to the ground to protect people. I don't want to show up to a protest and take attention away from others who need it by having a health emergency, so I'm relatively quiet right now. That will change (if my luck holds!). And, by god, you couldn't resist giving me a reason to get back out there, couldja?

Nobody is bothering to attack these "no gender or sexuality in school" liars on the basis of language. Which, inasmuch is they're trying to pen legislation, is the only way to go. If they get what they say they want, cis and het need to go in the trash right next to everything queer. That's... most of the curriculum. Everything referring to boys and girls, moms and dads, even the concept of children (where do children come from, again?). If nothing else, that should be rejected on the basis of how expensive it is.

But everyone in politics and the media seems willing to accept the comfortable fiction that cisgender isn't a gender and heterosexuality isn't a sexuality. It's implicit that we're only having a conversation about whether or not to teach the weird ones, but that is not what these people are saying. The protest signs and the rules and laws they write do not make exceptions. Well, that would look like discrimination! Because IT IS, motherfuckers.

I'm not ready to get out there and start making noise yet. I still got medication woes. Increasing the estrogen dented the amount of thyroid I'm able to absorb - as expected. I'm doing a little Flowers-for-Algernon and monitoring my symptoms so I can give the thyroid guy more information, probably I'll get back to him next week.

May I add that my hormone specialist does not deal with estrogen at all because, although it is a hormone, estrogen is gendered? I have to go to the lady doctor to manage my lady hormone, and then run back to the other guy for the rest of me. Conservatives, I would support a little less gender in society, if that was really what you wanted. I have a vested self-interest here.

Gotta make at least one more lap - gynecologist to endocrinologist and back - and then we'll see. Fingers crossed for a new angry NB in the new year! In the meantime, Godspeed to everyone out there trying to make a difference for the better.

[eucharistsamruby]

Ooo you think Dean is aromantic gay? 👀 If you want, can you share what made you come to this conclusion/headcannon? Because I love aromantic Dean myself!! ♥️💞

i’m wishy-washy on the gay part but i believe WHOLEHEARTEDLY in aro dean. also i have been relatively inactive in this fandom for like a year so my apologies if i am forgetting things

as far as i can remember he only ever expresses romantic interest in cassie and lisa, and i think it’s significant that he originally met both of them when sam was at stanford and the only reason he had any sort of long-term relationship with lisa was because sam was dead and had told him to go find her. i think he is motivated by family and companionship and belonging, and he ran to romantic relationships to find that when the family he already had collapsed. and as someone who’s really absorbed and internalized a lot of the patriarchal, heteronormative, amatonormative, capitalist, etc. messaging of our society of course if his birth family is gone he’s going to try to find family the only other socially approved way. his gf in what is and what should never be is a random model his psyche inserts bc it’s what he’s supposed to want and he basically ignores her the entire time in favor of family. maybe i’m just projecting bc i know sometimes i feel this pressure to find a romantic partner not because i want one but because i want companionship and commitment and my friends are all coupled up so where the hell else am i gonna find it but i do really see that in dean. i’ve seen the siren from sex and violence used to support wincest and bizarrely destiel but to me it just solidifies aro dean. platonic love is what’s important to him and what he feels strongly enough for it to be destructive and all-consuming.

for the gay part honestly i could go gay bi or even ace but i do lean gay or gray-ace and gay. his intimacy generally lies with men, and there’s a lot of repressed gay shit about him. dr sexy, benny, that guy whose name i can’t remember played by christian kane, ketch for a bit there, etc. he def had a high libido when young plus internalized homophobia which is why he was sleeping with a bunch of women but he mostly stops being interested as he gets older and once they settle in the bunker. he finds other sources of pleasure and comfort than casual sex, some healthier and some far less healthy. idk exactly where i’m going with this but i just don’t think he’s actually for real into women

[moved-to-piersgender]

I wrote out yet another infodump about my Fanonfell Mettaton on Discord, so I figure that I may as well post it on here too, cringe culture being dead and all that.

Begin copy-paste:

So the thing about Underfell is that it was just a bunch of designs (or descriptions of designs in Mettafell's case) that OP only expounded on with a "canon" later after people were thoroughly having fun making things on thier own, often hilariously edgy (and admittedly sometimes downright unpleasant) directions. Mine's more Horrortale lite than anything resembling Vic's ideas tbh but I don't care I Am Having Fun

But yeah, essentially mine is Mettaton from the eeevil mirror universe where Asgore became bloodthirsty after the deaths of his children instead of empty and dragging the rest of the resentment-filled monsterkind down a "kill or be killed" path right behind him. So a little ghost is still born full of wanting and craving admiration, but he hates humans just as much as everyone else does and REALLY wants to do something about it. He meets Alphys (who really is a total Mad Scientist who's only regret about the Amalgamates is that the experiment failed here) while she's scrounging for parts in the Waterfall rubbish tip (Human Fan Clubs aren't gonna be a thing here). Recognizing ambition, the two hit it off and he becomes something of a lab assistant for a while. Eventually, after yet another round of promises that Asgore is not going to keep, Alphys realizes he'd be the perfect host for a human-hunting robot, one designed to prey on the fear of humans (insects, things with big mouths full of razor-sharp teeth and hands with razor claws, things that look superficially human but are "off"…). Mettaton is delighted at first, and he merges with the body, celebrating both all the newfound sensations and the promise of purpose.

But of course, the barrier wasn't broken, and he quickly finds himself purposeless again. By the time we meet him he is…not doing well In an inverse of canon, Alphys ends up pulling away, completely absorbed in her work and desperation to get back into Asgores good graces, so he is quite alone. His body eventually becomes a bit of a clusterfuck held together by electrical tape and hope due to his often having to repair himself following violent altercations with other monsters. He starts blaming his appearance for the reason he feels so empty, wondering if his decision to become corporeal was a mistake in the first place.

His switch is jammed, so he no longer can switch to his oval-shaped power saver mode, meaning he has to recharge pretty often. But, Alphys often locks the lab while she's working as a safety precaution, meaning he has to scrounge for food and available electrical outlets like a man in an airport as an alternative. While I'm not 100% sure how they first meet, he strikes up quite a toxic friendship with Papyrus, captain of the royal guard. Papyrus is just as desperately lonely as he is in canon, but he fears showing weakness and his emotionality comes in the form of quite a nasty temper. Mettaton needs the protection of the third most powerful monster in the Underground, and Papyrus doesn't know how to keep a friend without having collateral over them, so while they both want the companionship they make each other thoroughly miserable. Papyrus ends up getting him a job as an actor in the capital… as the villain in bizarre and terrible propaganda films the crown produces, turning his face into an easy target for the public's resentment.

His fortunes begin to change twofold: he agrees to be the lab rat in an experiment of Alphys' that will apparently open up a door into an adjacent dimension, allowing the Underfell monsters to invade and hopefully impressing Asgore again. This apparently fails, but it establishes a mental link with the Mettaton living the adjacent universe, Lust Mettaton. The two end up hitting it off due to how similar they are under the surface and the way they both are dealing with skeletons they have mixed feelings about.

Concurrently to his growing relationship with Lust Mettaton, he hears from Papyrus that another human has fallen into the Underground, he and Alphys hatch a scheme that he plans to betray in the end. He will gain the human's trust as they are publicly menaced by the mad scientist, only to lead them to an execution point in the CORE and kill them in glorious and public fashion, handing the SOUL over to Alphys after. However, he goes rogue. He's just… done at this point and figures that leaving on his own to hunt humans on the surface is his only real chance to improve his circumstances at all. Unfortunately, the superpowered Frisk royally kicks his ass in front of the whole world on said soundstage and the infamous Underfell comic where he's viciously harassed until he ends his life nearly happens until the boundaries between realities finish breaking (causing cataclysmic damage) and his fellow tormented robot lands quite unceremoniously upon his head.

Thus begins his road to improving his self-esteem and kicking a lot of ass alongside his two companions (the aftermentioned Lust Mettaton as well as canon NEO from an aborted No Mercy run). He develops an interest in fashion, but if Canon Mettaton looks like an explosion at Claire's he looks like an explosion at a 90s hot topic. He looks like he took one look at Shadow the Hedgehog and went "you know what, this is my gender now". By the end he's become so fond of himself and the things that make him unique and monstrous that in the end, when No Mercy survivor Alphys offers to repair the accumulated damage on him and change him into something he likes better, the only cosmetic change made besides fixing the damage is a THIRD pair of arms.

Mettafell Stimboard by @shinekittenace

[1-talk-alot]

Alright imma be honest this might be one of the longest rants of mine ever and for bad reasons. Ive been putting off writing this because of the topic and also im not even sure how comfortable i am myself talking about and posting this entire thing but it’s literally on my mind 24/7. No one has to read this and also warning because im gonna be going into depth about eating disorders and body and a lotta that shit

Also im not proof reading this i literally never wanna see it again (and new phone means new autocorrect that doesnt know my common mistakes very well so its likely that theres a ton of spelling errors)

Why I say it’s going to be long for “bad” reasons, I mean the reason is that this fucking disorder has taken over my mind. Food is all I can think about, I constantly ask what’s for dinner so I can plan out what i can get away with not eating, ive lied about not liking certain foods so much that when someone offers me food it’s almost autopilot for me to go “im not hungry” or “sorry I don’t like ______.” I literally cant go on tumblr after I’ve eaten until I don’t feel full or else I’ll want to kms. What’s worse is that im 90% sure that the people I see daily are either aware or suspecting my ed, which makes eating in public feel like shit, but for some reason it also makes turning down food feel like shit? Its because I know saying “oh im not hungry” while others are eating sometimes makes the others feel like they shouldn’t be eating either, and I really really don’t want to be the reason anyone is forcing themselves to be miserable. I feel like an attention seeker whenever it’s clear that im the only one not eating and i hate it.

And also, when I say it’s “taken over my mind”, I don’t just mean that it’s all I can think about and manifest, I also mean its fucked with my ability to make proper decisions and take DEFINITELY made me a meaner person in my hate and oh my god I hate it so so so so so much. One thing I noticed like last year is how my whole life I just saw everyone as thinner than me, even if that wasn’t true?? I never saw other people for how they really looked, I genuinely just saw that I was fat and then saw everyone else as skinny even with people who werent (OBVIOUSLY not in a bad way please dont think im implying they were pretty before and werent after I promise I saw them as beautiful before AND after)

And it was only like last year that I realized I wasnt actually bigger than every single person I’ve ever met, and im being 100% genuine when I say I was surprised to find that out. Im not sure why, but I’ve unknowingly had body dysmorphia since I was a little kid. I think it’s gotten worse though, because I cant wear non-baggy clothing and look in a mirror without noticing anywhere on my body that has fat (specifically the arms. I hate my arms. The arms are the worst i cant wear tight sleeves or no sleeves anymore its just ahhewjsjajsjsk /vvvvvvvneg) and I’ve stopped wearing skirts / shorts recently because im too self conscience to wear them without tights and I dont like my thighs (not that I ever did, its just never been such an awful problem until now)

I dont know where this came from because there’s literally no proof and it’s all my imagination but it feels like no one would love me unconditionally unless i was thin. I sometimes wonder if people ever think im incredibly self absorbed with the way i look at my reflection in literally anything that has one when i walk by it, really i use this as a frequent and solid reminder not to eat if i can avoid it.

In general, the thought that I look big in literally anything I wear has gotten so much worse these past two weeks and idk what triggered it, especially my face shape. When I say I wish wearing masks (2020 reference) was normalized but not necessary I just mean I wish I had a good reason to cover my bottom half of my face. When I go on dog walks I wear scarves around my neck and I pull them up so it has the same effect but winter doesnt last forever and so I know I cant do that forever.

I think the whole calorie thing has 100% taken a toll on my energy, its hard to say if its also why im so cold all the time or if its just cold outside now that its winter, its definitely taken a toll on my memory which is why im even more scared of exams, and since im way more tired than i would be its also made me a lot more irritable which is why i wouldnt trust most of the rage driven posts i post on my other blogs.

Half related but learning about calories pretty much ruined my life. Mostly because theres so many in foods I used to eat all the time without knowing how quickly it adds up. Also because not knowing the amount of calories in something im eating is such a condescending feeling. When I say I wish I could recover, I dont mean I wish I could stuff my face without feeling guilty, I mean I wish I could eat normally in a normal way and feel normal about it. And not have to chew extra slow or drink water before meals so im too “full” to finish. Or not have to log everything I ate onto a calorie counter app of any time. Or not have to make my last mouthful really big, then get up to take my plate to the kitchen before I swallow it and spit it all out in the bin when I get there. Or not have to do that disgusting “chew and spit” method because im craving the taste of foods I miss. And not end up paranoid for no reason because what if the food I just ate had 1000 calories instead of 100 like google/my cal counter app said it did. And not avoid going out around lunchtime so I don’t have to eat out, or on the contrary, purposely go out around lunch time so I can say I already ate at home and no one can prove or disprove that. And not have Pinterest boards dedicated specifically to dresses Id wear if I actually lost that weight. But im not going to do that, probably not for a while now, because I feel Iike such a big waste of space above 50kg. I feel like no one will love me if im not pretty. I feel unwanted in public spaces if I don’t look good, even though 90% of the time im alone (dog walk) and 100% of the time no one really cares that much.

Idk this wasnt actually as long as I predicted earlier but I feel like I skimmed most of what I had to say because I felt like weird anyways. The point is I hate everything about my body and im not getting better until that statement no longer holds true

[youaremysunshiness]

entry #8

I've been struggling lately with friendships and I don't know if I'm overthinking things or if there is something wrong. Basically, my roommate and my friend, K, like each other and that's great and I'm supportive of them getting together and being happy, but ever since they started liking each other they have just been completely absorbed in each other, which is normal for two people crushing on each other and I don't mind it, but I used to be really close to both of them and now it's like I've just been pushed out or left out. They aren't even dating, either.

The reason they aren't dating is because one of our closest friends in the group is in love with my roommate and they don't want to hurt his feelings by dating each other. At least, that's what my roommate wants (L). K wants to date L but L feels guilty about it and it's just been causing a bunch of issues. They've been talking about telling B since January and they still haven't told him that they like each other. I told L to tell B that she likes someone else even though it may hurt him, it's better to hear it from her than someone else, and she put it off for too long. They wanted to keep it a secret for so long, but the thing is, too many people knew about it, which wasn't smart. Like, people that are our friends know about them liking each other and they aren't that close to us. So, why tell so many other people about your crushes on each other and then assume that B would never find out about it? People were making jokes about it in front of B because everyone knew about it, except for him and poor B thought he still had a chance with her because she lied and told him there wasn't anyone else to spare his feelings.

Now B found out through one of our friends who wasn't super close to us and it all came crumbling down. Poor B found out in the worst way because, and I hate to say it, but K and L were being a little selfish by keeping this from him for so long. Even though she rejected him and told him that dating would not be a good idea, she told him that she had a crush on him at one point and wasn't fully transparent about her feelings for K. I understand it's such a hard thing to tell someone you care about and love so deeply, but to keep it from them is very selfish because they deserve to know the truth. The truth always comes out and now that he knows that L has been lying to him for so long, he's heartbroken. I feel so bad for him. He's like my little brother. He's such a sweet little guy and the least selfish person I know. I wish he would open up to me about it because I've been in this situation before when I was his age and it sucks. (When I was his age? Am I a grandma?) He's just a sweet 19-year-old kid. I feel very protective over him like a big sister. He's like the little brother I never had and he's such a pure sweetheart. He doesn't deserve this :(

Anyway, that's not the only issue that happened. I feel like since everything came to light, things have just been rocky and K and L have been budding heads lately. They had an argument and K was upset about L feeling bad about them dating when B is hurting. I think K cares more about dating L because she just wants to stick it to the people that hurt her last year by being in a happy relationship. She told me this on my birthday. Before, she used to worry about B's feelings a lot, but she said something a long the lines of, "I think I'm just gonna take L out and start dating her. I'm at the point where I'm just like if B finds out, oh well, too bad. Sorry, man." I love K so much but sometimes she can be very selfish and lack consideration and empathy for others. She even told me on my birthday (in a lighthearted way), "Man, this is the nicest birthday ever. I wish it was my birthday. I'm not gonna lie, I love being the center of attention." At the time, I just brushed it off, but I don't know... it rubbed me the wrong way a little. I don't think she means any harm and that's the thing that kinda bothers me a little... she can be very selfish without realizing it.

Over time, I've noticed that K tends to only care about things that pertain to her or that relate to her. On my birthday, she told me that her favorite thing about me is that I'm a lot like her, which I also brushed off. Everyone else said really sweet and deep shit about me, except for K and L. L just said that she likes that I listen to weird music. I'm not complaining, I'm just noticing a pattern. I don't know. I feel like I don't like them sometimes. Sometimes I feel very insignificant to them or that they can be very shallow and self-absorbed. I'm not saying that's who they are, that's just how I feel.

I guess I just am more sensitive to certain things like that. I was talking to my mom about it and she always reminds me that I'm 4 years older than them, so there's most likely a maturity issue or something. I'm not saying I'm better than them or anything, sometimes they can be judgemental and inconsiderate and that bothers me. I'll never forget when I gave K her birthday present and she left to go to Lucifer's party with L and left me alone when I wanted to spend her last few days in Pittsburgh with her. Instead, they ditched me for a good time. To be honest, I don't know if I can forgive them for that. It still hurts, and their behavior hasn't really changed. They aren't friends with Lucifer anymore, but they still are very selfish and inconsiderate in their behavior.

Tonight, we were supposed to go to a concert and they asked me if I wanted to go with them on Wednesday and I said yes. We wrapped my film today and I was upset with them because again, they were late to my set and just weren't listening to me. K didn't have her camera with her so she had to drive all the way back to her house to get it, and this happened before. K wasn't prepared for my set. She forgot her camera and wasted a lot of time, so we were only able to get one scene done that day. She was prepared for everyone else's set but not for mine and it's really rude and inconsiderate.

Then, they kept asking me the same questions over and over when I explained to them several times where we were shooting. It's like, when I speak, do they immediately turn off their brains? Like, am I so uninteresting that you guys don't bother to pay attention when I give information or instructions? I'm so tired and fed up with them, to be honest. Sometimes, I just want to not talk to them for several days. I just want to hang out with friends who have nothing to do with them sometimes. I want to have my own thing, for once. Now I finally get the plot of those movies and tv shows where a group of friends is annoyed with the couple because they are so obsessed with each other.

[ninewheels]

It's now at the point where I actually have to start making decisions about how to handle myself with regard to FF7 Rebirth. I don't have a PS5 and I'm not gonna buy one in the immediate future. The questions, then, are: First, am I going to buy one in the foreseeable future? How much do I really need to play the game now/soon? Sure, I want to, but it isn't as though I don't have a million other things to do/media to catch up on. How much are my feelings about how soon I need to play it influenced by being surrounded by a fandom that will be playing it now. Do I avoid spoilers (as much as I can)? Do I let myself be spoiled, or even actively seek out the major spoilers, which is my default attitude towards most things these days because that "Thanos demands your silence" type culture bullshit has drastically soured me to the very notion of staying spoiler-free (for myself, obviously I have no business deciding for anyone else) and in any case I've always believed that as cool an element as surprise is, a good storytelling experience is one whose core is just as engaging regardless of whether you know what actually happens. But if I'm waiting an extra long time to play the game anyway, is it better to whet my whistle for knowing the things, or just to casually avoid spoilers as much as is convenient simply by focusing on other things--either way brings a different kind of anticipation into my life. If I do spoil myself, would it be best to just watch the entire story on YouTube, so that part is settled, and I'll get to the game part later? Meanwhile, I've watched the Chip and Ironicus LP of Remake so often that it's become difficult to extricate that from the game itself, which isn't a big deal, but I want to re-absorb the game on its own terms before moving to Rebirth, and I need a bit more time for the C+I LP to become hazy in the memory before I'm ready to replay the game with fresher eyes. (The selfish take is that all of these questions would be resolved by Rebirth not coming out for another six months :P)

I don't expect or need any of you to actively care about this, it's fine, but I'm venting, and hey, if you find value in it because this is a mood for you as well, that's just a nice bonus.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 348

Unity

Y’all (Mary (hi)), guess who has two thumbs and is forgoing the like four day break I had allowed myself because after last week, I can no longer fathom ever doing two episodes in one day. So. I AM still taking Christmas off, but every day other than that, I will be watching ONE episode (with the exception of NYE of course when I will watch over three hours of tv which will take me a stupid amount of time to talk about)

“Unity”

Plot Description: Chuck returns to Earth and debates with Amara about whether the world is worth preserving. As Jack faces a big test, Sam and Dean do not see eye to eye

Castiel BETTER BE IN THIS EPISODE. I will LOSE MY SHIT if the next time I see him is in THE episode, THE NOVEMBER 5, 2020 episode that out trended the United States presidential election

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I suppose no one died. All other universes were already killed off, and Chuck just returned to this one

Oh good. Castiel IS here. I hope this isn’t it for him for this episode

How many times has there only been one way to do something on this show and then they found another at the eleventh hour??

Dean. Dean, you know I love you, but for someone who’s hated living in another person’s story for so long, blindly following the orders in the death book Billie has on Chuck feels a lot like the same. It doesn’t MATTER how you feel, you say?? Boy…

You are one of his three dads, Dean. What, he’s not family because he came here later?? Come on…oooof, he heard you say he’s not family like Sam and Cas are (you’d think after however many months, my phone would have learned not to automatically capitalize the a in Cas)

Ugh, ew, Chuck is so fucking insufferable. He really only cares about himself.

Oh Amara. Oh sweet Amara (never thought I’d say that but here we are). You gave your brother so many outs, you brought him to a place where you could hold him captive til (I presume) Dean and Jack get there and then you’ll be betrayed for all your efforts. You deserve better

You know what would have been better than the entire British Men of Letters plot? Those twins where at least one was a witch, and one died and the other used necromancy to bring her back? What if something had happened with them after that??

Dean, you’ve met Eve. You think she’d still be hanging around Adam all these years if he’s like this?

EXCUSE ME WHAT?? Fine (not fine but we’ll go with fine), Jack passed your little test but that doesn’t mean you have to RIP OUT ONE OF ADAM’S RIBS IN FRONT OF THEM

Ugh…I hate that all Dean can say is thank you and you didn’t need to hear [Dean tell Sam that Jack’s not family] instead of ANY nice platitudes

Y’all are just gonna…FIND they Key of Death in all the shit in the bunker?? Do you even know how to use it. I understood a few of those words in Latin

It’s not a good sign to immediately see a—several dead reapers when visiting Death’s Library

Oh shit. The Empty is here.

You know, Castiel not being able to be on earth aside, Billie taking over as the new god is not the worst thing I ever heard

Chuck’s death book is so long comparative to everyone else’s

I’m so mad that Amara has to die if Chuck dies

Omg wtf. Like I know he’s omniscient and all but he orchestrated this whole Jack becomes a bomb to kill god and Amara?? To pit Sam and Dean against each other one final time, get the ending he wants

Oh it’s NOT just humans on earth, angels in heaven, demons in hell…people from other universes go back to places that no longer exist, Eileen just dies again…and what do you think would happen to the boys who should have been dead many many times over?

Just because you create new universes together in balance does not mean she’s gonna forget everything you’ve put her through, Chuck

I…hate that he just like…absorbed Amara

I can’t watch Jack die AGAIN. I feel like he’s just always doing that……..and Dean says he’s not family. That’s the most Winchester thing you can do

[malt-o-meat]

carbs is fuel, fast carbs (juice, soda, gatorade) burn faster, so if you feel exhausted and you haven’t had food in a while, fast carbs will give you energy to do more stuff like make more food. slow carbs (oranges, chocolate, pasta) take more time and give you fuel for longer.

protein repairs you, it’s like. building supplies. helps you repair muscles and fibers when they tear from regular use. if you go work out, having protein after will help some with being sore.

fats is oil. it makes protein and carbs do what they do. absorbs vitamins too. it’s sort of the road that protein and carbs build off of. if that makes sense.

vitamins are regulators and your body doesn’t make em

A: tells blood cell building machines what to do

B: precursor to other enzymes. holds their hands and moves with them to do stuff.

C: antioxidant, prevents your body from oxidizing (bad things happen when you oxidize)

D: tells your bones and organs what they need to do with minerals.

E: antioxidant. again. prevent that. don’t want it.

step one to eating healthy: it is better to have food you will eat than food you will not eat. if ranch helps you eat the salad, get ranch. it doesn’t take away the value of the veggies.

step two to eating healthy: think about what you’re doing in a day. i need more carbs in the morning so i can get to work and do job, and more protein and carbs at lunch because i need to repair from the stuff i do for work.

step three to eating healthy: it’s better to start with a little bit of change, even just noticing where you’re at now is good. if you eat mostly carbs, or mostly fat, or mostly protein, you’re not gonna feel too good. your body needs all of those things to work.

step four to eating healthy: cooking at home. find things you like about it. if you can’t but someone else can, ask them for help. if that seems impossible, then what’s the next step for you? what’s the smallest thing here you feel you can do? if you go grocery shopping, it’s ok to buy frozen stuff. throw it in a pan when it’s done microwaving and practice that. if you can’t do grocery shopping and mostly eat at fast food restaurants, clean your kitchen a little bit. spend some time in there, think about a recipe you would like to try.

step five to eating healthy: add, don’t subtract. cram in veggies where you can stand them, or learn to love them, either way, you need them. there’s a list someone made on this website about foods for sensory stuff? if i find it i’ll link it here. make sure you eat a bite a day, better than nothing. doesn’t have to be perfect but it’s a good starting place. i like the crunchy ones, and they’re good after work treats so. i do a bit of that and hummus. that’s just what works for me.

don’t go buying like 30 cans of green beans and then be mad at yourself when you still have all 30 even though you said you’d eat one a day. that’s ridiculous. try for a small goal that’s achievable and if you can’t do that, try something even smaller, till the first success hits.

i am not advising you eat like i do, cause i don’t know you or your needs. i have some slow and fast carbs in the morning, and something with protein mostly cause i like it, so like. a muffin and some milk and some cheese or salami, and if im still hungry, i give it 10 and then eat if i need to. i brought peanut butter to work, and some protein bars so i will do that for lunch, pb like ice cream, protein bar like protein bar, and then some fruit snacks cause i like them! sets me up good for the rest of the work day.

im not a professional, all of the sources for this are my brain and wikipedia. the only thing that i can say for a fact is true is that it is better to try and fail and try and fail than to stay in the same spot. net gain of failure is higher than net gain of not trying.

the typos are intentional and i’m sexier for it

Searching for nutritious food tips online is a nightmare I don't care about losing weight I care about feeding my body what it needs to feel good!! RAHHH!!!!

[imbonewary]

Shifting Sans Chapter 4 "Not in Kansas Anymore"

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Chapter 1 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 5

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"I don't pretend to know any details of why or how or whatever," I continued, sitting back down. "But it's the only explanation that makes any kind of sense to me. Who do you think I am, Papyrus?"

"I think that you're a clone of Sans," He said immediately, meeting my accusatory glare head on. "With false memories, though I don't know why."

"A clone?!" I reeled. That's a thing? "And why would I have false memories that are so inconsistent? It makes no sense."

"Perhaps it would help if you explained more about uh "where you're from" as you put it," Toriel cut off whatever response Papyrus was about to make. He huffed and leaned back against the banister with folded arms. "Maybe then we could understand a bit better why you think it's so divergent."

I cringed. I hate talking about myself, especially certain parts of my past, and I'm not sure I can skip those if my theory is right. God I hate this. 

"Fine, I guess I'll establish a baseline first," I said, mind going a million miles a minute. Where do I even start? "You said Asriel was King before Undyne; well, where I'm from, Asriel died when he was still a young Prince, so that seems like a good enough place to start. The royal family," no need to go into who his parents were just yet. "Had adopted a human child that fell into the underground and the two kids were inseparable. At some point, the human got really sick and died, convincing Asriel to absorb their soul and go through the barrier. I think the plan was to gather 6 more souls and break the barrier but Asriel came back empty handed and promptly died from his injuries. The King declared war on humanity for killing his son and the Queen left him in disgust, hiding in the Ruins instead."

"In more recent history, I was born with a fallen soul," I continued before anyone could interject. "My parents did their best to keep me alive until my little brother was born and I found the will to live. Fast forward a dozen or so happy childhood years and I was the protégé of the then Royal Scientist."

The sudden drop in temperature was almost palpable. What kind of reaction was this? I hadn't even said his name yet. Welp, gonna have to ask about that later. 

"One day, there was a terrible accident and my parents were among the casualties. The Royal Scientist was kind enough to take me and my brother in." There was a spike of grim anticipation. "I realized too late that it was a trap, just to get me and my brother under his thumb." I felt a strange relief, like the acceptance you might feel being proved right about something you wish you had gotten wrong. There was no other way to describe it. Boy, feeling other people's emotions was weird. 

"You don't have to go into the experiments right now if you don't want to," Toriel said softly. That was suspicious, I hadn't said I was experimented on yet. Was it that obvious what he was planning?

"Right," I breathed. Not gonna look this gift horse in the mouth. "Years later, I escaped with my brother and set us up in Snowdin, as far from the Hotland Labs as I could get us. That's when the real hell started." They didn't seem too surprised about the Labs, I wonder... "Does the term "reset" mean anything to you?"

It definitely meant something to Papyrus. 

All kinds of alarm bells were going off in his direction, from panic to fear to anger to god knows what else. I looked up at him in surprise, finding Pap frozen, his eyes pinpricks, staring blankly at nothing. I knew that expression all too well; he was neck deep in a flashback. Again, not the reaction I was expecting. I wasn't the only one who noticed but we all collectively agreed to ignore it for now.

"What do you mean by "reset"?" Toriel asked slowly, glancing at Papyrus before focusing back on me. 

"Oh boy," I sighed. "This oughta be fun. Imagine this: you're going about your day, as usual, when suddenly it's like the past hour never happened. Everything happens exactly like it just did in that hour but you already knew what was coming because you'd just lived it. Imagine the same thing happening but with days, weeks, months... years. Where time just, steps back a bit, like an intense deja vu but you can change things, not just live through it. You could tell someone a secret, then time would step back and they'd have never heard it before. You bake a cake then suddenly have to do it all over again 'cause it never happened. And you have no idea what's going to stick or how far back you'll step, how much living could just be erased at a moments notice. How many memories you will have that no one else will ever know, 'cause no one ever remembers but you and that god damn flower!" I growled that last bit before realizing I probably shouldn't have said that. Tipped my cards a little too much. 

"Flower?" Toriel cocked her head. I sighed. It was too much to hope that they hadn't caught that last bit.

"Yeah, Flowey the Flower," I said, staring back at the floor. No point denying it now. "I could never really confirm it, since I didn't want him to know that I could remember, but I'm pretty sure he was controlling it since everyone else would act the same unless he was involved somehow and all of his actions would have cascading effects. He was nice for a while, tried to get everyone a "happy ending" but... power corrupts. I mean, what would you do if you were above consequences?"

I let that hang in the air for a bit.

"Anyways," I changed the subject. "Another supporting point for my "alternate universe" theory is that each of you is similar to people I know but not quite. Like Alphys being the current Royal Scientist, not Toriel. You asked where I live in Snowdin; well I'm supposed to live here, in this house, with my innocent younger brother Papyrus. Undyne is supposed to be Captain and Asgore is supposed to be the King, not the other way around. Mettané is called Mettaton and has a robot body, not a wheelchair." 

"Well that," Toriel sounded out of breath. "Is certainly a lot to take in... Um, you mentioned Asgore being the King, does that mean he took over later?"

"Noticed that, huh?" Of course Asgore is what she noticed. "No, Asgore is a boss monster so he was still King after Asriel's death. Is Undyne a boss monster?"

"Yes, as was Asriel before his death," Toriel replied. I guess Boss Monsters work different around here. "Aside from the age difference, and Asriel adopting the human as his child instead of sibling, Asriel's story seems more or less the same. Who," she swallowed hard. "Who were your Asriel's parents?"

"As I'm sure you've already put together," I tried not to smirk. "Asgore was Asriel's father. But that's not what you're worried about, is it?" Toriel blushed and looked away. Silly goat. "Well, my Asriel's mother was indeed named Toriel. She's also a boss monster so she's still kicking too." Until the kid got to her but that's not important yet. "At least, where I come from anyways."

I didn't need emotion feeling to see everyone's amusement at poor Toriel's expense. 

"That also means," Papyrus finally seemed to have rejoined the conversation. "That your Toriel lost her son and quit politics, living in the Ruins. Sounds familiar." 

Way to kill the mood, ya wet blanket. He's referencing Sans, right? I think I remember Pap saying Sans was Asriel's advisor or something...

"W-well, relationship status aside," Toriel tried to reign in the conversation. "I believe it is your turn to ask a question, Sans."

Everything about her screamed Save Me.

"Right," I took pity on her. "Papyrus, why was cloning your go-to explanation for my existence?"

Papyrus and Alphys froze while Toriel and Mettané looked uncomfortable. Guess I'm the wet blanket this time. 

"Cloning was my first thought," Papyrus said slowly. "Because I'm a clone."

Oh. 

Wait.

"If you're a clone," I breathed. "Than where's the real Papyrus?"

"I AM THE REAL PAPYRUS!" he snarled, magic bristling around him, itching to form an attack. "I'm a clone of the former Royal Scientist!"