#WHATEVER. im going on an angry walk in the dark | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ferigrieving · 5 months ago

Text

when hell freezes over.

⊹ ࣪ in which touya todoroki finds himself.

a.n sorry this took so long i rewrote it like ten times because it wasnt going where i wanted to and it still lowkey isnt but i think this is the best ill do and im too excited to get to the later chapters so i might just rewrite them all to be better when im done ! i dont know im just really passionate abt this fic i literally got a writing notebook just for it...

tag list ; @itgetzweird08 !

⤷ masterlist ; requests open ; two – 2006 ; four – 2010 ; 4.4k words

touya todoroki was eight when his hair began to turn white.

his father had given up on him. said there was no point in training him. not when his quirk began eating away at his body everytime he used it.

every night, you would find more, and more burns. some more severe than the others, the skin peeling and rotting in ways you didn't know was possible. and every night, you’d place your cold, cold hands on him, and heal him as best as you could.

sometimes, you wanted to stop. your quirk made you feel like you had been plunged in an ice cold bath, hands holding you down as you struggled to breath. you could feel the ice creeping into your veins, threatening to freeze you from the inside out. but you kept on pushing. for touya. for the boy who couldn't give up, even if he wanted to.

“enji went to the doctor’s today.” touya spoke, leaning against the trunk of the big oak tree. “said i cant use my quirk anymore. ‘parently i have my mom’s body or… whatever.”

you could hear the anguish in his voice. his dream, no. his father’s dream was now a lost cause. all the hours, all the blood, the sweat, the tears, down the drain in an instant. all because he lost the genetics lottery.

“what… what now?”

touya pushed away from the tree to look directly at you as he waited for his answer. the sun was beginning to set, casting an orange glow on both of you. you two never met in the daytime. afraid your parents would find out, that endeavour would find out. you were both on edge, and today’s news didn’t help at all.

“i dont know, toy’.”

"you don’t know?” touya responded in disbelief. he was angry at the situation, and angry at himself. “of course you don’t know. you don’t know anything. do you even care?”

touya’s voice was harsh, cold. he didn’t mean to hurt you, he really didn’t.

but when you’re an eight year old child who just had your dreams snapped away from you days after your birthday, it was a normal reaction. or as normal as one can be in a situation like this, anyway.

he began pacing, hands tugging at his hair with so much force you were afraid he would rip it from his scalp. touya’s hair had begun turning white in some places, and you didn't know whether it was from his mother, or from stress. you don't know which one you would have preferred.

you didn't know what to do. your parents never trained you on how to use your quirk at all. sometimes, selfishly, you wished you had a father like endeavour. a figure in your life that would help you hone your quirk the way enji did to touya. you could take it, the harsh words, and the unforgiving regime, if only it meant you could relieve the pain touya seemed to feel in every waking moment.

“i’m—” he mumbled, stopping to look at you.

touya looked like a mess. his skin was littered with burns and scars you couldn't heal all the way, his eyes bloodshot from tiredness and stress, hair messy and greasy. his voice was soft, and if you really listened, you could hear him trembling.

“i didn’t mean that. i’m sorry.”

touya slowly walked over to your spot and sat down wordlessly. his shoulders slumped, and he brought his knees to his chest. he didn’t say anything for a long time. the sound of cicadas surrounded the two of you, and the last of the sunlight faded away. the sky was dark, and a few stars had already begun to appear. the moon was half way dark, peeking out from behind the clouds in the night sky.

as touya rested, you slowly inched closer to him until your shoulder touched his. he didn’t flinch away, and instead slowly rested his head on your shoulder.

after a few moments, he spoke softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“what am i going to do?”

touya was a just a kid, but sometimes you forgot that. you forgot that he was just a child, not some grown adult that could handle the pressure of the world on their shoulders like endeavour had made him out to be.

“have fun.”

touya’s head moved from your shoulder to look at you.

”have fun?” he responded in disbelief. “i can’t really have fun when my quirk— when my whole life is falling apart, can i now?”

"your whole life doesn't have to revolve around your quirk, touya."

“how is it not supposed to revolve around my quirk?”

touya sat up straighter, putting distance between the two of you. he looked at you with an incredulous look, like you had just suggested he run away with his tail between his legs.

“all i’ve ever done is train, train, and train. train and work my butt off for a quirk i never even really wanted. and now it’s all going down the drain like i’m nothing more than trash.”

touya sat back against the tree again, leaning his head back and looking up at the stars, emerging from their cocoon once more.

”this is all i’ve ever had. without my quirk, i’m nothing.”

he was bitter and resentful. at his father, for lighting this fire under him. at his mother, for giving birth to him. at himself, for not being enough.

to touya, the idea of suddenly stopping everything he knew seemed impossible. being the number one hero was the only thing on his mind since the day he was born. it was engraved into his brain, and all he knew to do.

so now that he was stripped of that, where did that leave him? what was he supposed to do? who was he, if not the less than perfect successor for his father?

“what am i gonna to do now, huh? play outside? play with others? run around like a freakin’ kid?”

“yeah, actually.. you should play with me.”

“play with you?” touya responded sceptically, raising an eyebrow at you. “what are we supposed to do? have a tea party?

the idea of playing, especially in his current state of mind, seemed like a foreign concept. you two played sometimes, yes, but touya sometimes felt like he was going through the motions, if anything. he never really found anything in playing house with you, or pretending he was a villain and you, a monster. at least thats what he told himself, anyway. he’d rather keel over and die than admit he enjoyed spending time with you.

“if you wanna.”

touya looked dumbfounded. like you had just sprouted a second head. he knew you could be a little slow sometimes, but this was too much.

“seriously? we’re like… eight. we’re too old for that. we’re basically teenagers. ‘n’ you want to spend your time playing tea party? ” he said, making a face. “when we could be doing something actually fun, like skipping rocks or something? don't you have anything else in that head of yours?”

“...we could go to the park?”

“the park?” touya repeated, staring at you, a sarcastic lilt to his voice. “why do you wanna go to the park? so we can sit and spin around on the roundabout till we fall off?”

“i mean.. no one's gonna be there. its late, so we’ll have it all to ourselves, touya.”

“that’s…” he began before stopping. it actually sounded kind of cool. the idea of sneaking into an empty park at night with you. the idea of getting caught… excited him.

he let out a grumble, looking away. “fine. let’s go to the park.” he relented.

touya slowly got up from the ground and dusted off his pants before sticking his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

“this better not be stupid,” he muttered as the two of you began making your way through the park.

it was late, meaning there was basically no one out except the occasional night-shift worker or the local drunkard. the only sounds to accompany you were the cars driving past, or the songs of the crickets. as the two of you walked, touya glanced over at you.

he noticed the way you walked confidently, almost with purpose. he would often catch himself stumbling as he walked, still not used to his gangly limbs. you, on the other hand, seemed to move so flawlessly. he was premature, and as a result, was shorter than fuyumi, and probably natsuo when he becomes of age. he was taller than you, sure, but that wasn't a feat by any means considering your height.

he kept his gaze on you for a few more seconds before looking away.

“hey,” he spoke suddenly, breaking the silence. “how come ya’ never play with other kids?”

it was a question that was bothering him for a while now. you never seemed to want to go hang around other kids, opting to stick by his side. touya could never really figure out why. maybe he didn't want to. he couldn't tell.

“why would i, touya,” you grinned, stretching out his name and slinging an arm around his shoulder, relishing in the way he recoiled. “when i have you?

a scoff.

“don’t say that,” he said in a deadpanned voice, but there was a light flush beginning to spread across his face.

he wasn't used to receiving praise from anyone, but when it came from you… it made him uncharacteristically embarrassed. touya didn't particularly know his emotions very well, especially not one that made him so flustered he wanted to throw up. not one that only ever seemed to show its face whenever he was around you.

“seriously, though. i’ve never seen you talk to anyone else like you do with me. how come?”

touya continued walking, casting an expectant glance in your direction. you didn't know what to say.

he had no idea why he wanted to know so badly. why the idea of you talking to other kids bothered him so much. and he knew it was stupid. you were allowed to make other friends. hell, he was the one not letting you make friends with other people. but the thought of you talking to anyone else other than him sent a sharp pang to his chest.

he shook the thought away, forcing the feeling of possessiveness down.

after a few moments of silence, he spoke again, keeping his gaze straight ahead.

“...what makes me so special, anyway?”

“shut up, touya.”

touya let out a surprised huff of air at your response.

he stopped walking and spun around to face you so suddenly, that you nearly ran into him. there was a scowl on his face, and his eyes were narrowed.

“don’t tell me what to do,” he replied in a low tone, trying to sound intimidating the way his father seemed to be so effortlessly.

he wasn’t quite sure why. maybe it was the thought of you giving your attention to someone other him, or maybe he just wanted some sort of response from you.

he leaned closer, using his barely-there advantage of height to loom over you. he watched your face, trying to figure out what was going through that dumb head of yours.

touya’s face inches closer to yours, close enough that you could feel his warm breath fan across your face. his eyes were locked onto yours, watching intently as you began to shift uncomfortably.

your hands began to feel a lot colder than usual as your fingertips began to turn white. the warmth in your veins was quickly replaced with a chill that you were all too familiar with.

your heart was beating quick and fast. you hadn’t realised how hard it had been beating until you felt your heart thump against your chest. you were sure touya could hear it, with how close he was.

you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks as he leaned in even closer, his eyes still locked in onto yours. there was a determined look in his eyes, like he was trying to figure you out.

“whatever. i wanna go on the seesaw.”

touya’s expression soured at your nonchalant reaction. instead of the nervous stammering and stuttering he was hoping for, you had calmly responded, not giving him the slightest show that he had any sort of effect over you.

he watched as you looked away, avoiding his gaze. there was a faint redness to your cheeks, and a part of him felt satisfied at the sight of it. but there was also an undercurrent of annoyance at the idea of being dismissed like that.

he let out a scoff and backed away, putting some distance between the two of you.

“the seesaw?” touya repeated, raising an eyebrow. “what are ya, five years old?”

he wasn’t quite sure what he had been expecting you to propose, but it certainly wasn’t that. the thought of standing on a children’s toy, awkwardly swinging up and down and up again, was laughable.

you, on the other hand, seemed completely serious as you nodded. “yeah!”

he stared at you for a moment, contemplating whether or not you were messing with him. but your expression was as deadpan as always, giving no hint that you were anything but sincere.

he let out a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes as a look of resignation crossed his face. “fine. let’s go on the damn seesaw.”

you grinned, bounding over to it with way too much energy someone should have in the dead of night. touya rolled his eyes again at your excitement. he was not particularly enthusiastic about going on a child’s toy, but he begrudgingly followed you to the playground. you practically dragged him over to the brightly painted seesaw, eagerly taking a seat on one side.

he reluctantly took a seat on the opposite one, the metal frame of the seesaw creaking under his weight. he glanced over at you, a frown on his face. "this is stupid."

you, on the other hand, were having the time of your life. you bounced up and down on the other end of the seesaw, giggling as the metal frame made squeaking sounds. touya sat on the other side, arms crossed, but you could tell by the way his shoulders were squared that he was trying not to fall off without giving in and actually play.

"come on," you said, gesturing for touya to bounce as well. "it's more fun when both of us are doing it."

"having fun yet?" you called out, still bouncing up and down like a hyperactive child. the metal frame between the two of you was starting to groan in protest.

touya let out a huff. "this is dumb," he repeated. "i'd rather be doing literally anything else right now."

he continued to bounce, but his movements were more restrained than yours. the whole thing seemed so childish, especially with you gleefully giggling away on the other end.

“fine! lets go on the swings then.” you frowned, peeling yourself off the seesaw sadly and trudging over to the swingset.

touya let out a scoff, his hold on you reluctantly loosening “of course its the swings,” he said with a roll of his eyes, shifting his hands to rest on your hips. “you always wanna go on those stupid things.”

“yeah i do. they're the coolest!”

you quickly regained your composure, however, and looked back at touya with a raised eyebrow. "slides are lame. swings are where it's at. you can go up and down!"

he let out a scoff again, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. "slides are better. they're faster. there's more adrenaline. now c’mon,” he murmured, walking side by side with you, absentmindedly matching the way you walked. left, right. left, right.

touya watched you closely as you sat down, his hands resting gingerly on your shoulders until you were safely seated on the swing. he stood there for a moment, his heart skipping a beat as your hair blew softly in the wind, framing your face with a few strands of hair.

he quickly brushed the feeling aside, shaking his head as he walked around to stand behind you.

“im gonna push you now, alright?”

“‘mkay!”

touya positioned himself behind you, his hands wrapped around the chains of the swing. his heart felt like it was trying to beat out of his chest. he took a deep breath, praying silently that you didn’t notice how nervous he actually was.

“okay, on the count of three…”

he began to count down, softly at first but gaining momentum as he reached the end. on three, he pushed you gently, propelling the swing forwards.

as you began to swing, touya let out a long exhale, his breath leaving him in a shaky whisper. he stood behind you, watching as you soared through the air, a smile on your face bigger than the moon.

he couldn’t help but notice how… carefree you looked. how your hair would sometimes brush against his knuckles as he pulled you backwards. how you would throw your head back in laughter every time you reached the peak of the swing. touya pushed you again, watching as you ascended even higher this time.

the sight of you swinging back and forth, your hair blowing in the gentle breeze, made his heart flutter. touya couldn’t tear his gaze away from you, his eyes fixated on your figure as you gained momentum.

he swallowed hard, trying to steady his breathing. he didn’t know why he felt so flustered, he had been pushing you on the swings for years.

this time felt different though. maybe it was the way the moonlight shone on your skin, or the way your shoulders shook with quiet giggles.

“push me touya! higher!”

touya let out a scoff of mock annoyance, though he knew he couldn’t deny you.

“you’re such a pain in the ass,” he muttered under his breath, pushing the swing with more force.

watching you go higher and higher, your laughter filling the air, touya couldn’t help but smile to himself. he wanted to know what it was like to be up there, to see the moon, and the stars. to feel free, even for just a moment.

and touya never understood why in movies the main characters always seemed to be ‘stuck in place’. stood there, looking like an idiot as something that could have easily been prevented from happening in front of them. he was old enough to understand that it was for the plot, but he couldn't help but feel frustrated when a character wanders back into the house with a killer in it for the nth time.

but now, he was frozen, his whole body seizing as the you swung up, and up, fingers slipping from the chains and your body falling, encapsulated by nothing but the light of the moon.

time seemed to slow down at that moment. he could hear the thumping of his own heart in his ears, like a primal drum, beating in time with the seconds ticking by.

he tried to call out to you, to warn you about the impending fall, but no sound came out of his agape mouth. he could only watch, feet glued to the ground, as you came back down towards the ground at an increasingly high speed.

touya’s heart skipped a beat, his blood turning to ice as he saw you slip from the swing. he wasn’t sure what overtook him in that moment, but he felt his body moving on its own.

within seconds, he found himself darting forward, arms outstretched as he tried to catch you midair. panic surged through him like electricity, his thoughts racing a mile a minute.

touya had no time to think, no time to weigh the risks or the consequences of what he was about to do. he acted, pure instinct taking over his body.

he moved with an almost superhuman speed, his long legs covering the distance between you and him in the blink of an eye. touya felt his adrenaline spike as he stretched his arms out towards you, his eyes locked onto your falling form.

he knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that this was a terrible idea. that he was putting himself in danger too. but in that moment, all he cared about was saving you.

time seemed to stretch on into infinity as he caught you, his arms encircling around your waist. he held you tight against his chest, the force of the impact causing him to stumble backwards.

he fell onto the ground, landing on his back with a thud. the air left his lungs in a sharp exhale, his body tense as he tried to process what had just happened.

for a moment, touya laid there, his chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. his arms were still wrapped around you, holding you impossibly close against him.

“....touya?” your voice was small, eyes blown wide and terrified of every little thing that went bump in the night. you were always so strong, never wavering or faltering whenever you were around him. but here, right now, there was nothing you needed more than him.

"i got you," he breathed out, his voice shaky and ragged.

he held you closer, his hold on you tightening almost possessively. touya didn't know why his heart was pounding so hard, why his whole body felt like it was on fire.

he inhaled deeply, savoring the faint scent of your hair. it was a subtle, sweet fragrance that reminded him of wildflowers and sunshine.

"you're okay. i've got you," he repeated, more for his own reassurance than yours.

he sat up slowly, the movement causing him to wince slightly. his back was definitely going to hurt later, but he didn't care about that right now. all he cared about was making sure you were alright.

touya's eyes trailed over your form, searching for any signs of injury. he lifted a hand to gently cup your chin, tilting your face upwards so he could look at you properly.

he didnt know a single thing about taking care of others. didnt know how to put on a bandage, didnt know what medicine was what. didnt know how to comfort anyone, if at all. all he knew was what he saw his mother do, time, and time again.

his gaze softened as he looked into your eyes, taking in the sight of your tear-stained face. the sight tugged at his heartstrings, but he tried his best to keep his emotions in check.

he held your chin a little tighter, his thumb gently rubbing over your skin in a comforting motions.

"you're crying.”

“shut up. no– no ‘m not.”

touya couldn't help but roll his eyes at your reaction. even in moments like these, you were as stubborn as ever.

he let out a huff of amusement, shaking his head slightly as he used his thumb to wipe away the tears from your eyes.

"yeah, yeah, whatever you say," he said in a sarcastic tone. "because your tears are definitely just sweat, right?"

you nodded, shutting your eyes tight as you willed the world to stop spinning. you didn't know how people stomached going skydiving or riding rollercoasters, and you didn't think you ever would.

touya chuckled, his hand moving from your chin to pat your head fondly.

"you're an idiot, you know that?" he teased, his voice softening at the sight of your tear-stained face.

he hated seeing you cry. more than he knew he should.

the butterflies in his stomach stirred as he continued to hold you close, his hand still tangled in your hair. he tried to shake the feeling off, reminding himself that he was just being a good friend. that's all.

but as he sat there, with you in his arms and your tears staining his shirt, he couldn't ignore the fluttering in his chest.

he sat there for a moment, his fingers gently threading through your hair as he tried to catch his breath. he knew he should make sure you were actually okay, that your little stunt didn't actually get you hurt.

but right now, all he could focus on was you. the way your eyelashes fluttered against your skin as you blinked back tears, the way your lower lip trembled ever so slightly.

it was driving him crazy.

“can… can we go home?”

touya's heart ached at the sound of your soft, shaky voice. the way you looked so small and fragile in his arms right now made his chest tighten with an unfamiliar feeling. it was nauseating. you were always so strong around him, but seeing you like this was like flipping a switch in his brain.

he gently patted your head once more, his fingers lingering on your hair for a moment, before nodding.

"yeah," he responded, his voice quiet and hoarse. "yeah, we can go home."

he’d have to sneak you through the window again. as much as he wanted your parents to check you out now, it’d be too much of a risk.

touya's mind raced with thoughts as he helped you up onto your feet, his grip never loosening from your waist.

he knew the drill by now. he would have to sneak you back into your room through your bedroom window, without getting caught by your parents. he took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. he could do this. he'd done it several times before.

touya always walked you home after the first night. it was the least he could do, anyways. his father was cruel, but not cruel enough to not raise a gentleman.

and touya didn't mind walking you back home. in fact, there was a secret part of him that actually relished in the time alone with you. the comfortable silence, the gentle brush of your hand against his, the way the dim street lights illuminated your face.

he could pretend, even if just for a moment, that it was just the two of you in the world. no parents, no rules, no responsibilities.

it was a foolish dream, but he clung to it like a lifeline, nonetheless.

#⊹ ࣪ ˖ greywrites #⊹ ࣪ ˖ when hell freezes over #dabi #dabi x reader #touya todoroki #touya todoroki x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #boku no hero academia #mha #mha x reader #my hero academia #todoroki x reader #todoroki

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deadsetromance · 2 months ago

Note

literally anything with gerard way please im begging

FORGET ME

not my gif!

gerard way x gn!reader

summary: you can’t tell if you’re unwelcome in the band, or if you’re reading too much into things. maybe it would be best if you just left…

warnings: angst! , language, non edited writing. a happy ending if you read between the lines.

note: thank you for the request!!! i hope you enjoy ! i’ve seen several ideas like this and i finally thought i’d try my hand with a band scenario :)

you wished things were simpler.

you wished gerard wouldn’t toy with your feelings the way he did. you wished there was more to it all then holding hands in the darker corners of the backstage lots. you wished you could show more than shy glances and quiet whispers when you were wrapped together in hotel beds. you wished you actually knew what you had with him.

you wished he wasn’t the lead singer and that you weren’t just the drummer.

for once, you wanted to be selfish…to put your foot down and scream, and say that it wasn’t fair. you wanted to be able to have it your own way, to finally be able to breathe.

but you were never really good at sticking up for yourself.

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

you never particularly liked the way you looked in magazines. maybe it was the poses, or the fake blood, or…. it didn’t matter though, you promised your mother you’d send her one. you did it with every magazine you’d find in convince stores, you’d write her a note and have the guys sign it for you before you posted it off to her.

the issue you were flipping through boasted an “exclusive” interview with the members of my chemical romance on page thirteen, and you smiled thinly. at least the pictures they used were nice.

the man at the register cleared his throat, and you looked up. “you gonna pay for that?” you looked around, to find the store empty. he gestured at you again, and you quickly walked up to the counter, pulling out your wallet. your shoes squeaked against the linoleum.

you stood awkwardly as he rang you up. was he looking at you funny, or were you just imagining it? you didn’t speak much as you paid, handing over a five dollar bill. you would have bought a pack of cigarettes too, but frank had borrowed money from you, and all you had was whatever change you got from the five.

you banged your elbow on the way out of the market. it was colder outside compared to the store, perhaps because of the morning rain. hopefully they had the heater on in the bus.

if only the bus had been in the parking lot.

like the inside of the store, the parking lot was empty. they had left you behind. again.

you used the payphone behind the gas station to call gerard. when he didn’t answer, you called frank, then mikey, then ray. no one answered. you should have expected it, really.

you had no money for a taxi. it seemed as if you had no choice but to walk to the hotel, though you didn’t know where that was. you walked away from the store, guessing which direction the bus went. it was a shot in the dark, and all you could do was hope that it wouldn’t start raining as you walked.

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

the cuffs of your jeans were soaked by the time you made it to the hotel. it was late, and the hotel staff looked mildly worried at your arrival.

they told you that the others had arrived earlier, and already settled into the room. they had headed out to a restaurant without a care as to where you were.

you had your pick of bed, though your choice was limited to one or the other.it was a sort of roulette to see who you would be sharing with. you’d go to bed angry tonight, bitter, and fall asleep long before they came back from dinner.

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

you had a headache. the lights in the interview room seemed too bright, and the arm of the sofa wasn’t very comfortable. gerard woke you up earlier than you would have liked. it was fine though… you just had to finish the interview first and then you could sleep on the bus. you tried not to think about the morning, when you had woken up curled into gerard. maybe you should have slept on the couch, saved yourself the trouble of whatever inner turmoil you had going on.

you didn’t speak much, with most of the questions being directed to gerard and frank. not that you minded, because the interview would go by faster that way.

the journalist was a guy you knew from kerrang! you couldn’t remember where you met him though…maybe at a gig or…

“i hate to make you pick favorites, but for this next question you’re gonna have to.” now you remembered. he did a one-on-one a few months ago, backstage before a festival. “let’s start with gerard.”

you didn’t really want to answer the question, so you listened instead. you’d make something up when it was your turn, and hopefully you were last to answer.

“well, thats hard… i mean i love all the guys, and mikey’s my brother, and frank and ray are so talented…i dunno” gerard laughed, sliding down the couch.

frank looked like he was about vibrate out of his seat as he beamed at the camera. “well, ray is just an amazing artist and he get’s so fuckin’ into what he does.”“i mean i, guess he’s my favorite, because i’ve just learned so much from him, really.”

ray was next. “well i mean i get along with them all, but i think i’d have to say gerard, just because i’ve known him for the longest.”

you wanted to yell at the interviewer for asking the question. you felt like you were going to puke as you waited for mikey to think about it. “uh…i don’t… i mean maybe my brother gerard?”

you pretended not to care that you hadn’t been mentioned once. was it because you were a drummer? because you hadn’t been with them since the start? because you were replaceable?

“y/n? what about you?” you’d pretend their answers didn’t hurt, and so you smiled just as bright as before. you just had to get through this interview and then you could take a nap on the bus.

“i don’t really think that’s a fair question,” you just had to answer a few more questions and then you could get back on the bus. “y’know i don’t really think i have a favorite. well, i mean…can’t i say that they’re all my favorites? guess i love them all the same.” hopefully they wouldn’t ask you to elaborate, because you didn’t know if you could.

you felt like it was too quiet when you finished talking. maybe it was shame…maybe you should have kept your mouth shut and picked someone.

the interview felt like it dragged on after. you tried to stay on your best behavior, but as every minute passed by you felt the life drain out of you.

the interviewer didn’t notice the way your smile dropped every time you were ignored, or spoken over. he didn’t notice, but the fans watching the interview would.

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

you felt drained. interviews always made you stressed, and added onto the poor nights sleep you had last night, you felt awful.

the interview went terribly, so you smoked by the dumpster behind the building. hopefully you could forget about everything.

frank had been talking to one of the producers, but they should have wrapped everything up by now. you put out your cigarette and headed back to the bus.

you would have been worried about keeping everyone waiting, but it was clear that you hadn’t. they had left without you. again.

never in your life had you felt so small. you wanted to scream, or, cry, or do something. you didn’t. it was instinctual, the phone number you dialed was second nature.

your voice was calm as you told gerard to turn the bus around. you didn’t care to hear his explanation, if he gave one at all. you waited for them to come back and pick you up.

you didn’t understand how they forgot about you again, and again, and again. fuck, this time you had been sitting right next to them for nearly an hour. yet you were gone for less then five minutes, and they had forgotten about you.

you didn’t understand how gerard could be so sweet to you, only to act like you didn’t exist. he was gentle when he woke you up, when you found yourself wrapped in his arms. so why did he forget about you so often? why did he ignore you, and speak over you? he made everything so much harder.

the bus pulled into the parking lot before you could think about anything too deeply.

you ignored them and their pleas and apologies. you didn’t care, and you were far too tired to put up with their bullshit.

frank followed you to your bunk, but you pushed him away, pretending to read the magazine on your bed. it took time, but in the end he got the hint and left you alone.

irony was bitter on your tongue when you looked at the page you had opened to. it was the magazine you bought from the convenience store the day before, opened to your interview.

you could hear a whispered conversation coming from the front of the bus, and you grit your teeth. still, your eyes scanned over the print, intrigued, because you couldn’t remember that particular interview for the life of you.

“…oh yeah, touring with my chem is just an amazing experience! i mean i’ve only been with them for a year maybe? it’s just great. i wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

sure touring has its ups and downs, but i love it. okay…so i’ve been left behind a rest stops a few times, and it does get hard, but i have so much respect for the guys.

you can tell they love what they do, and i love being a part of not only the creative process, but just…being able to do what i do?! its awesome!! the fans are amazing, and i wouldn’t be where i am without them, seriously!

really i wouldn’t want to be doing this with any other band.”

you wished you hadn’t read it. you looked so happy in the picture they printed, smiling and crammed into the group photo. what happened?

a part of you wished you never joined the band. it was nothing but heartache, just like what you felt now. you were angry, and so tired, and above all confused.

your picture beamed up at you from the page, and you felt nothing but white-hot anger. with a scream, you hurled the magazine out from your bunk, not caring where it landed.

it wasn’t until your breathing became uneven that you realized you were crying. the conversation in the front of the bus stilled, and you heard worried footsteps.

while you couldn’t stop your crying, you still rolled over, and did your best to pretend you didn’t notice them. someone was standing outside your bunk…you could feel it. but you ignored them, and cried yourself to sleep.

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

you wanted to pretend yesterday had been a bad dream. the magazine sitting on the table, opened to page thirteen, let you know that it wasn’t.

the second you crawled out of your bunk and to the dining area everyone’s head snapped up. you hated it.

you didn’t know what to say or where to look. so you looked at the cup of coffee on the table. you knew it was meant for you, the mug was your favorite, and whoever had prepared it made it just the way you liked your coffee. you wanted to cry.

the “i quit,” spilled out of your lips before you could stop yourself. you were met with protests, and apologies, and pleads, but you didn’t listen. “i hope you can find a drummer, because i’m done here.”

deep down some twisted part of you enjoyed their reactions.

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

you had started to pack your shit and call in a few favors. your apartment seemed so empty when you thought of it, so you’d couch surf for a while.

no one had talked to you since you ‘quit’. not that you minded entirely…it made things easier. thursday’s show would be your last with the band you decided. you refused to let them treat you the way they did, refused to listen to any of their reasoning. maybe you were jumping the gun...but you didn’t care. right?

the air was crisp, and you could near see your breath when you stepped out to stretch your legs. it felt too early to be at a rest stop, the sun barely peeking above the horizon. you leaned against the bus as you smoked, a habit you’d come upon after being left behind more often than not.

it wouldn’t really matter if they had left without you this time, you were already on your way out.

it was strange, the way that you could pick gerards footsteps from the rest of the guys. you could tell it was him coming down the steps before you even caught sight of him.

“hey.” he sounded shy…and it all felt so unnatural. you almost felt bad. “i just wanted to say that we- i’m sorry.”

“okay.” couldn’t he see that the apology had come too late? you wouldn’t lie…wouldn’t say it was okay and then act like you were one big happy family again.

“you have every right to leave. we’ve treated you like shit.” it was all starting to sink in. it all seemed so final…so foreign. you were leaving and that was it. this whole time you hadn’t even stopped to think…jumping at chances before you even weighed your options.

“why?”

“i don’t know. and i know i can’t speak for the others. it’s just weird…being on tour. it takes its toll y’know? and i just get in my head. some days i feel like i’m still asleep. but that doesn’t make it okay.”

“i know.” listening to him bear his soul like that was hard, but he still left you feeling like you were buried in questions. “leaving me behind and all that wouldn’t have hurt so much. but i never knew where we stood. what we were…” he took a sharp breath, and you flicked the ash of your cigarette away. “keeping it a secret–hiding in dark corners and trying not to get caught–that’s what hurt the most.”

“i really do care about you. i know i didn’t do the best job at showing it and… fuck i was keeping you at arms length.” his shoulder brushed against yours and for a moment the both of you fell into tired silence. “you can hate me, but i’m putting it all out on the table. i really really like you. and i want to fix this. i don’t want to lose you.” maybe you were stupid for loving him, even though he left you behind at rest stops and hurt your feelings so often. but your chest squeezed, and for once you stopped to think for a moment.

is this really what you wanted? cutting it all short so abruptly like this? a part of you mourned what you knew would never come to be. but somewhere inside you…this little coil of something you couldn’t understand slithered around. you were moving so fast, and you didn’t want to let go.

you knew what you were going to do.

“we can start over. make it real…if you want.” you couldn’t seem to help but squeeze back when his hand found yours. “we’ll keep in touch okay? i’ll sit the rest of this tour out…take a breather. and then we’ll see how it goes from there.”

you talked well until the sun came up…about the new drummer replacing you—tucker—,about plans for the future, about stupid mistakes, and whatever else you could think about. they would go on with the tour and do good and play music. you knew that.

he wished you luck, and you kissed him. it felt like a goodbye and new beginnings all in one.

you wouldn’t take back your resignation…you wouldn’t forgive, at least not for now. but you would look at things a little differently now.

you’d climb back into the bus, the guilt that had been bubbling in your stomach dying down a little. you would play your last show, and then climb into a taxi and head back the way you came. this time…with four less people.

#gerard way x reader #gerard way #reader insert #x reader #my chemical romance #my chem #mcr #mcr fanfiction #fanfic #angst #deadsetromance

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christinarowie332 · 1 year ago

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stupid fucking kid

part 2 of “stupid horny fucks”

chris sturniolo x reader .

angst .

warnings : language , talk of sex . angst . depictions of depressive episodes. regret .

not proof read cuz i don’t have time for that. 😀

———

it’s been a week . seven days of avoiding conversations with him , seven days of “oh sorry i’m busy” messages to nick when he asks to come over . i cant even think straight .

one week ago .

“he flops down next to me , his chest heaving and loose curls wet slightly around his neck with sweat .

“what the fuck just happened” i say looking over to him

he just stares at the ceiling .

what the fuck just happened .

“i’m gonna go-“ i try to continue but the sight of chris’s eyes closed and soft hums of sleep stop me .

my mind races with scenarios and past conversations. he doesn’t want a relationship. i don’t even know if i do . i just fucked my best-friend. how the fuck did that even happen . the same kid that i see allmost everyday , i’ve known him for years , what the fuck have i just done .

“chris i’m gonna go .” i whisper to his sleeping body , while getting out of bed and grabbing the sweatpants and tank top from the floor , and leaving the room . as i walk downstairs my vision gets blurry as regret and guilt sets in . i can hear nick and matt ask questions but before i know it i’m in my car and speeding home .

what the fuck just happened.

now.

the ceiling seems to move as i stare into the white space, shadows curve and shift with stars before i blink them away and look towards the notification lighting up my dark room . i notice the time . 2.36 , jesus . not bothering to read the notification i silence my phone and turn over in my sheets . the cold kisses my face as my cheeks slide over my pillow , fingers numb at the temperature as i place them both under the cover and curl the duvet up to my neck . closing my eyes allows the thoughts to run wild , my estranged relationship with the triplets , the fact i haven’t left my house in days , my plants are wilted as i’ve neglected them. chris .

i open my eyes and see the mascara stained bedding from last night . grey droplets seeping into the fabric left marks . a physical reminder for everyone to see . well. that’s if anyone bothered to check on me . it’s not their fault , the moment matt called me to check if i was ok i changed the subject, called him stupid and laughed , deciding to let him talk instead of me . it worked the first two days , then the missed meetings rang alarm bells for nick , he showed up at my house , ringing the doorbell to which i ignored . i shouldn’t have done that . the thoughts that were once plaguing my head were cut off as i hear a car pull into my driveway . the sound of my dogs nails tapping into the wooden floor confirms it , she knows the sound of matt’s car .

as i reach the door i take a breath before opening it , gripping the handle for stability , nuckles whitening at the force . i’m met with shy blue eyes and stubble , his hair flowing around his hat and vivien westwood necklace swaying on his chest .

“hi”

his voice is hourse , it allmost sounds deeper, my lips twitch at his nervous tone but it never quite meets a smile as i know why he’s here . “hi chris.” my eyes focus on the car and i notice matt behind the wheel looking angry , probably at being dragged out the house , but his eyes soften when he meets my gaze . i shift out the way for chris to enter the house , it’s only now i realise the state im in and cover my body with my arms .

i close the door behind him and turn to look at him sheepishly. he looks nervous, his hands are in his pockets and he won’t meet my eye contact . i’m not sure if it’s embarrassment or anxiety but whatever it is , it’s not chris .

“look y/n i’m-“

“does matt know?” i cut him off unintentionally, something changes in his features. this is something he can answer . an easy thing to talk about . “no , i figured it’s up to you to tell him.” he answers confidently, like he’s doing me some fucking favour . quickly the pain turns into anger , and i feel adrenaline fill my chest , as much as i wish it was a different feeling i’m happy to feel something.

“what the fuck does that mean? u give me the job to tell him ? what are u too embarrassed to tell him?” i snap at him . i subconsciously curse myself , knowing this is not what i wanted to say . but this is easier then watching him walk away all together. this he’s good at , this he knows how to do . argue .

“what ? no of course not? y/n i just-“

“you just what ? too embarrassed to say we fucked and u ghosted me ?”

“ghosted you ? i didn’t fucking ghost you , you just left ? u literally fucked then dipped ? what am i supposed to do tell him hm?” he raises his voice , his calm demeanour slowly melting away . he takes a step towards me and i take a step back , my back hitting the radiator attached to wall and i wince at the pain . he notices and takes a step back again , taking a shakey breath in and bites the inside of his lip . “look y/n , im sorry okay ? i don’t know what i did or how to fix it but i’m sorry . i thought u wanted it as much as me but i’m sorry if you-“

“no chris i did, i thought i did , but i just don’t think it should have happened, i feel wierd . i cant believe i fucked you literally minutes after u meant to send a dick pic to another girl” i calm myself down now , matching his energy, my neighbors did not want to hear two teenagers shout about dickpics at 2 in the morning . “ i feel disgusting , u took my fucking virginity and-“

“what” he cuts me off confused , looking away in thought i watch as his shoulders relax and eyes glaze over for a second . “i’m so sorry i didn’t even know , i didn’t think , that picture was stupid , it was a mistake in itself i don’t even know that girl . she just looked like you so-“

what .

———

yikes y/n seriously needs some therapy

tag list:

@mangosrar @soursturniolo @biimpanicking @kvtie444 @kenzieiskoolaid @cabincorematt @urmyslxt @chrisenthusiast @mattsd0ll @iheart2021chris @recklesssturniolo @lovingsturniolo @loveesiren @paper-crab @lustfulslxt @daddyslilchickenfingers @strniohoeee @ermdontmindthisaccount @sturnphilia @bluesturniolo333 @lea0518 @chrisolivia4l @its-jennarose @freshlovehacker @kitaysworld @littlebookworm803 @liz-stxrn @rac00ns-are-c00l4

————

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vodika-vibes · 11 days ago

Note

*slams red button like im on the voice* ill take all of those care prompts pls lol. But seriously, any of those with reader whos friends with the guard and got kidnapped on Coriscant by like, flesh traffickers or slavers or something and found by their bf Captain Fordo pretty pls with whipped cream, sprinkles and a cherry on top?

You're Okay

Summary: When you get kidnapped by slavers while walking home from work, you think it’s game over for you. You should have known that Fordo would come for you.

Pairing: ARC Captain Fordo x F!Reader

Word Count: 866

Warning: Reader is kidnapped by slavers

A/N: Sorry that this is so short, I didn't have many ideas for it, and I'm struggling today.

Click HERE to be added to my taglist

It’s cold.

The room you’ve been locked in for days now is freezing. Or, well, maybe it wouldn’t be so cold if you were dressed properly, rather than just in your underwear.

The men who snatched you off the street took everything before they tossed you in here. Your clothes, your purse, your shoes…all of them have been removed and tossed, most likely.

You pull your knees to your chest and wrap your arms around them. No one knows where you are. Sure, people are going to look for you, Fordo being the first person on that list, but if there’s no evidence as to where you are, then he’ll never find you.

And you’ll be sold into slavery.

And that’s it. Story over.

You drop your forehead to your knees and swallow your tears, crying won’t help. In fact, the only thing that crying will accomplish is making your face blotchy and swollen.

Which will only make the people holding you angry, and probably get you hit. Again.

There’s a schedule that your captors have. You get two meals a day, breakfast and dinner, and sometime around dinner you’re brought to a separate room where you’re allowed to shower and change into a new set of clothing (a clean set of bran and underwear that they have in dozens of different sizes) and then you’re allowed to sleep until breakfast the following morning.

Or, what you assume is morning.

But today seems to be a little different.

Your breakfast was late. Late enough that you were awake when someone finally delivered the meal, and they didn’t even come and take your empty tray after you finished eating.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that they were worried about something.

It’s later, though you're not sure how much later, when you hear something strange coming from the facility upstairs. It almost sounds like blaster fire.

Nervously, you slide to the back of your cell and eye the door. Whatever is happening upstairs, you want no part of. Of course, if the person, or people, who are attacking your captors are rival slavers, the odds of you remaining unseen down here are non-existent.

So, when the sounds of blasters stop upstairs, you can’t help but shift nervously and try to curl even tighter into the corner. And when you hear other cell doors slamming open down the hall, you have to clamp your hands over your mouth to keep yourself from sobbing.

Then the door to your cell slams open, and you flinch.

And then you hear a familiar voice, soft but rough, “Cyar’ika,” the familiar pet name comes out in a sigh, “I found you.”

Slowly, you drop your hand from your mouth and squint at the man standing in the door, “Fordo?”

He enters the cell and kneels before you, “It’s me,” your boyfriend, ARC Captain Fordo, replies as his dark eyes scan your bruised face, “You’re hurt.”

“I cried and they got mad,” You explain as you touch a heavily bruised cheek, “But that’s the extent of my injuries.”

“That’s for the medic to decide, not you.” Fordo corrects as he gently helps you to your feet, a scowl on his face when he notes just how barely dressed you are, “These aren’t yours.”

“No.” You agree as you tightly cling to his arms, “They aren’t.”

“Alright,” Fordo lightly brushes his fingers against your cheek, “That’s alright. Here,” He pulls a blanket from the bag that you hadn’t noticed him carrying, and wraps it snugly around you, and you’re warm for the first time since you’ve been taken.

“Fordo,” You mumble, as you tighten the blanket around you, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He pauses from where he’s making sure the blanket is secure around you, a confused look on his handsome face, “Why are you apologizing?”

“I should have been more careful,” You say quickly, “You always tell me that I need to pay more attention, and if I had then…then I wouldn’t—”

He sighs softly and lightly pulls you into a hug, “It wasn’t your fault.” Fordo tried to reassure. “There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.”

“But—”

“No. No buts. It was just a freak situation that you couldn’t have prevented.” Fordo tightens his hold around you, and drops a kiss to your forehead, “For a bit there, I didn’t think I was going to find you.” He admits quietly.

You release a shaky breath, and lean into him. “Can I go home now?”

“Not yet, cyare. Hospital first. And then I’ll take you home.”

“Yeah, alright.” You suddenly realize that you’re crying, and Fordo tightens his hold around you once more, “Thank you,” You say through your sobs.

“You don’t have to thank me for coming to get you, cyare.” Fordo soothes, “I’ll always come for you.”

You’re unable to speak because you’re crying so hard, and so you cling to Fordo and allow him to comfort you. You know that Fordo is going to stay close to you for the next couple of weeks.

You know, in the end, you’ll be alright. But for now, you allow yourself to be weak.

Fordo has you.

@imabeautifulbutterfly

@n0vqni

@bad4amficideas

@justiceandwar98

@mira-loves-star-wars

@tiredbi-peach

@dukeoftheblackstar

@trixie2023

@kimiheartblade

@padawancat97

@falconfeather23435

@etod

@bb8-99

@kiss-anon

@continous-mistakes

@yoitsjay

@liz-stat

@cc--2224

@adriennelenoir

@cdblake1565

@sweater-sloot

@heidnspeak

@wax-birds

@silly-starfish

@lonewolflupe

@maniacalbooper

@rebell-ious

#star wars #tcw #arc captain fordo x reader #fordo x reader #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction #f!reader fic #answered asks #vod'ika replies

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cutestbow · 6 months ago

Text

Notes: this blurb is apart of an au if anyone is confused

:Hi guys thank you so much for all the likes and follows, and I am so grateful to tell you that im going to be uploading a lot more frequently I have a lot of ideas in mind!!!!, also remember that my requests for this au are always open so if you have any ideas pleaseeeeeeee request themmmm!!!<33

It had been a week since they had all been at the lake house, and usually around that time the boys would invite their friends and have little get together parties.

So there Penelope sat on the back patio watching all the interactions around her, her eyes roamed before they landed on Luke

He had been talking to someone with a beer in his hand, she couldn’t quite make out who exactly due to people walking in front of her, she sat up attempting to get a better view ignoring marks confused remarks.

Once the crowd dyed down and she got a good view her movements stilled, he was talking to a girl, she was blonde with these ocean blue eyes, penny had never seen her around before but she thought she was beautiful.

She sat back grabbing her water and slumping in her chair before turning her head towards a smirking mark

“What?” She Said furrowing her eyebrows

“Her names grace I think Luke’s been talking to her for like two weeks now” he spoke suddenly

“I wasn’t looking at them” she tried to laugh off bringing the bottle to her lips

Mark just rolled his eyes in response deciding to drop the subject

The more later it got the more people left, the sun had set and it had just been the three brother and couple of their friends sitting at the patio, and grace.

Penny watched as she easily laughed at whatever unfunny joke Luke had told her, she watched as grace would hold his arm Every time she laughed

Penelope was quickly snapped out of her thoughts when mark tapped on her arm, “here” he said handing her a blanket that she wasted no time wrapping her self in

She sat there taking in the warmth before looking up and locking eyes with Luke.

She managed to give him a tight lip smile before looking down again suddenly finding fascination in the blanket she’d been wrapped in

But really it was just an excuse to look anywhere but the way Luke held grace, penny wondered if they’d been dating, it didn’t matter if they were she didn’t care she told herself

Penelope sat in silence muting all conversations around her and letting her thoughts take over before she was snapped out of her thoughts for second time that night,

“what?” She responded harshly at the person, annoyed in that moment

She quickly grew embarrassed as all eyes landed on her, “I just asked if you were ok?” Quinn spoke lowly making penny feel bad for the way she responded

“Oh I’m sorry, yes I’m fine” she apologized , penny rarely got angry or frustrated at anyone so she didn’t understand what’s gotten her so irritated now.

She watched as everyone went back to what they were originally doing and penny saw that as a sign to leave, she quickly got up bidding quiet goodbyes to some of the umich boys and mark before walking inside to the kitchen, sitting at the island resting her head on the cold surface closing her eyes

She had let her thoughts take over again making her enter a tired state, before she knew it she had fallen asleep.

It had been three in the morning when luke suddenly woke up, walking down the stairs after deciding he wanted water

Luke’s steps faltered as he walked into the dark kitchen seeing a very much asleep penny, Luke sighed at her state, had no one seen her down here?, why did no one come and get her?

He walked over to her, hesitating before gently shaking her, seeing that she didn’t wake up he shook again getting the same reaction he did before.

He sighed “what am I gonna do with you” he spoke quietly rarely above a whisper moving a loose strain of hair from her face

gently he picked her up from her position and left the kitchen, walking up the stairs and into her specific room in the house

He softly layed her down on the bed pulling the covers over her, turning the lamp next to her bed off

Luke turned around once to glance at her before leaving

#✫彡✧⍟ 𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐗 𝐋𝐔𝐊𝐄 ✫彡✧⍟#luke hughes fic

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lovinkiri · 2 years ago

Note

Hi, I really like your work! Also your page is so prettyyyyyyy💛

Can I request some headcanons (sfw or not, I'll leave it up to you!) for Tokoyami, Sero and Monoma (separately) with a chubby rader.

It's okay if you don't want to write this, also, if you don't want to write for all of these characters.

Have a nice day!

Hands All Over You

Author's Thoughts: You have no idea how happy this made me. I've been gone for a bit but I'm pretty sure it's cause I don't feel as inspired. This made my day though, I literally gasped 💕 AND OMG YOU ARE MY FIRST MONOMA IM TOO EXCITED—

Warning: NSFW-ish (what we called a lime back in the day), Groping, Cussing, Etc.

Fumikage Tokoyami

All this man wants to do is hold you and snuggle, I swear!

He'll intertwine his fingers and rest his palms over your tummy, pull you on top of him with his hands on your hips.

He slides his hands over your skin, appreciating and making himself aware of every curve and dip.

Dark Shadow can often be found winding himself around your waist, nuzzling your plush figure.

When you guys make out, his hands are roaming.

While he's occupied with you, Dark Shadow's talking all sweet in your ear because I swear he has a dirty mouth, and I'll die on that hill

"C'mon, take it off for us. You will, won't you?"

And when they switch, Tokoyami loves to praise his darling

"So beautiful. I can't believe I have you all to myself. "

"Ahem!"

"... Sort of."

Hanta Sero

Like Tokoyami, he loves touching you, but this man cuddles and gropes you anywhere. And I do mean anywhere.

Grocery store, work, your parents' house, anywhere.

Whenever you guys hang out with your friends, his head is on his shoulder and he's hugging you from behind.

He prefers to have you on his lap too, and brushes away any concerns you may have of being "too heavy".

Just assures you that you aren't, and that feeling your weight on his lap is sexy ;)

They poke fun at his clinginess, but he just sticks his tongue out a grins.

"You're just mad I get to hold this cariño all the. Mantente enojado."

He loves seeing you dress up. One of the few men who love going shopping. Not only does he like clothes in general, but he wants to see you try on everything.

Buys whatever you like, doesn't matter.

"No te preocupes por eso. You're already doing enough, looking all pretty for me."

Don't be surprised when he wants to join you in the dressing room. I promise you won't regret letting him in though.

"Shhh. We don't want that nice lady outside to hear us, do we?"

Cariño = Honey

Mantente enojado = Stay mad/angry

No te preocupes por eso = Don't worry about that.

Neito Monoma

Neito can be pretty self-involved... Except for when it comes to you.

Because Neito thinks you're stunning, curves and all.

When he has a bad day, he's burying his face in your soft skin and holding you close again.

"Mm... You feel so soft against me, My Love..."

He loves your pretty thighs, loves laying his head on them, rubbing them as you lay in bed together.

Loves to see you in skirts and shorts. I'm telling you, the man is secretly pervert.

As soon as you walk in, he's looking you up and down with that sexy smirk.

Pulls you between his thighs and admires you.

"Such pretty hips..."

When you get intimate, he kisses all over your pretty body, praising you the whole time.

"Perfect. All of you, every inch of you, is perfect. Don't you ever forget."

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #x reader #hanta sero x reader #fumikage tokoyami x reader #neito monoma #fluff #smut #x chubby reader

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breezybangtanbebe · 1 year ago

Text

God Damn : Changkyun❤️‍🔥

A/N: (i wrote this like over a year ago and never edited it🙃) Changkyun x reader (1st person), toxic breakup, drinking, angst, raw sex, rough sex. Emotional and smutty...I apologize in advance. 🌚

6.6k words

"I'm really worried about him."

"He hasn't been himself since you left..."

"He's so lost without you..."

"He's not responding to any of us and we can't find him..."

"Please Mira.....you're the only one who knows him like us..maybe even better than us. He'll talk to you."

That last text from Kihyun was the hardest one to ignore because it was true.

I did know Changkyun better than his friends and that was one of the reasons why I left him in the first place.

I was done with him and this fucking city, already packed and in a hotel until the day of my flight came. This place held too many memories for me to remain here after our separation some months ago and the wounds were too fresh to risk the temptation to go back.

It hurts but I can't keep living like this.

Neither can he.

I knew I would find him here though.

He was such a creature of habit that it annoyed me that his friends wouldn't think to look here first.

It never fails.

He was always so easy to predict and sometimes I wish he'd prove me wrong.

Just once.

Maybe this is a setup.

Hmm...

The smoke was thick and blinding in the crowded basement and the bass shook the walls as I descended from the final step. The rain and thunder outside were drowned out immediately by the music and I have to squint my eyes to see through the haze as I stepped through it.

It was a typical Saturday night and the mutual acquaintance and owner of the house was hosting one of his usual boozed-up functions that I admittedly used to look forward to. But we all have to grow up sometime.

I moved through the swaying crowd of people too drunk and high to care about making way for the angry curly-headed brunette searching the crowd. All of them were lost in the rhythm of the music.

And whatever else they were on...

I hoped he would be among the many in the small sea of stoners. Make my life easy just once would you, Im Changkyun.

Fucking pain in my ass.

Eventually, I made my way to the furthest corner of the party which was illuminated by beaming red LEDs. Several booths lined the back wall where a single light bulb glowed above each table. All of them were littered with paraphernalia, hookahs, empty liquor bottles, and ashtrays filled to the brim with roaches (not the bugs) and cigarette butts. The stink of smoke was even more potent here since it was the source and it burned my eyes the closer I got.

That's when I saw him.

I know it was him immediately by the sway of his long unkept hair hanging in his face. His black leather jacket is draped behind him and the bulge of his tattooed bicep flexes beneath his loose white v-neck tee. He sat with his head down, his elbows resting on the table and his hands running through his hair.

He's alone. Thankfully. Or else this would have been thrice as awkward. It was at that moment that I questioned my intentions as I lingered a few feet away.

Why am I here?

I should just call one of his friends and tell them he's here.

Jooheon would be happy to pull up with Hosoek more than likely to take over.

Kihyun would march straight up to him and yank him up by his collar.

Minhyuk would most likely do something similar after cussing him out for worrying everyone.

Hyunwoo would sit and talk some sense into him, convince him to pull himself out of this ditch he'd buried himself in.

Hyungwon would drink with him for a little before convincing him to quit and go home.

They were his friends. They should be the ones to handle him in his ruins. Not me.

I should just call one of them.

I should walk away now.

I should...

I'm about to step back into the darkness of the dance floor but suddenly go stiff when Changkyun lifts his head and for the first time in what feels like forever I see his face.

He seems thinner, his jawline sharper than I remember, and there is a red smudge staining the corning of his bottom lip. That's when I noticed the redness on his knuckles.

The scrapes, bruises, and scars.

What had he done to himself after we went our separate ways? Drinking himself into a stooper aside. What demons had he been battling that I couldn't bear witnessing any longer?

Without thinking about it anymore, I approached him with a fast beating and heavy heart. I'm gonna get him out of here and be done.

For good.

I stand beside where he's seated and wait for him to notice me, hoping he isn't too far gone in the glass of what I presumed to be some form of cognac with no ice.

It only takes a few seconds for Changkyun to lift his head to look up at me with blank eyes. It's as if I was just some random girl blocking the light. But after a few seconds of exaggeratedly slow blinking, his expression changes from indifference to annoyance.

"Amira?" I catch on his lips. Changkyun looks me up and down, studying me in my jeans and coat before lazily locking eyes with me again.

"I'm here to take you home." I raise my voice and the look of irony on my ex's face gives me pause.

"Home...." He slurs with a tsk as he drags his eyes back down to the swirling liquor in his glass.

I furrow my brow at him but choose to dismiss the look of disgust on his face.

"Get up," I say with more urgency, not even bothering to raise my voice. Changkyun scoffs lightly before picking up the short-cut glass set before him on the table.

My face hardened as he ignored me to take a sip of the amber substance, his Adams Apple bobbing as he swallowed.

"I am home so.......Fuck off...." He mumbles, gesturing towards the glass as he sucks in another sip.

He was so stubborn when was drunk.

Definitely NOT going to miss that.

Losing my patience, I reach for the glass before he can take another sip and Changkyun's lightning reflexes seem well intact judging by how quickly he moved the cup from my reach. But in the process, he also underestimates the strength of his grip and the small glass shatters in his grasp.

Broken shards fall over the tabletop, spilling the alcohol all over its surface. No one around reacts to the scene though, leaving only me to witness the frustration in Changkyun's expression.

"God dammit..." I hear him huff and my eyes go wide at the steady stream of blood tricking from his palm. He doesn't seem to notice it though and is staggering to his feet like a drone. I already knew what he was after, a drink to replace that one and I wasn't having it.

"No," I say as I grabbed him by the wrist. Changkyun looks down at my hand then at me and scoffs.

"What are you doing?" He furrows his brow with an arrogant smirk.

"You can barely walk. No more drinking. Let's go." I yell over the music.

"Go home, Mira..."

"I'm not leaving here without you!"

"For fucks sake..."

Changkyun drunkenly scoffs at me again before snatching out of my grasp. I quickly grab his other and it turns into an obnoxious game of snatch and grab on the dance floor.

If I weren't so annoyed and pissed, I would be embarrassed at how childish we must have looked. Standing there playing tug of war with each other. Of course, I was no match for Changkyun's strength but I was sober. This meant my reaction time reflexes and persistence were bound to have him relenting to my will eventually.

It took some convincing and a bit of manhandling on my end to get Changkyun to leave the basement. Thankfully, there seems to be a break in the storm and I glance up at the sky with relief.

At least we wouldn't have to walk in the rain on top of me dragging this drunk ass.

My mood plummets once we reach the sidewalk. Because the moment we're outside and the humid air hits him, I flinch at how Changkyun suddenly moves out of my reach to double over a random trash can.

Ugh.

I rolled my eyes even harder as he wretched into the metal bin, resisting the urge to go to him. To rub his back and stroke his hair. To comfort him through the inevitable.

I don't though.

That wasn't my job anymore.

We stumble up the sidewalk for a few blocks until we reach his apartment building and I get him inside using the code I'd memorized from frequent use over the years. It was now pouring again and we were drenched by the time we stepped inside the building's lobby.

I get him inside and shiver at the chilling temperature from the doorway. As if being soaked to the bone with rainwater wasn't enough. It seemed as though just to vex me, my thoughtless drunk of an ex kept his heat off all day.

"Ugh..." I exhale again. Standing here cussing him in my mind wouldn't get us warm so with me supporting most of his weight, we enter.

A trail of wet shoes and outerwear lay abandoned by the front door and the hum of the heat filling the old vents of his apartment swirl around us as I sat in the living room.

I kept his lights dim and left the TV off as I listened to the rain pattering against the windows.

Changkyun snored softly in the spot I allowed him to plop down on the couch and he'd fallen asleep immediately, his hair and shirt still damp, leaving me on the armchair opposite of him.

There Amira. The job was done.

You can leave now.

Leave him and all of this torment behind you.

I said that to myself as I rose to my feet. Changkyun remained still and sleeping with his face mushed against the cushion, his wet hair fanned out over his head.

Why did he have to be so cute AND such a disaster all at once?

Lightning strikes, spooking me to sit back down on the indented sofa. Then another chill ran over my body despite the warming air, reminding me of the weather I'd be facing again once I stepped outside.

An Uber or cab would cost a bit.

And the metro station was too far to walk to in the rain.

Perhaps I should have thought this through, instead of allowing Kihyun's worrisome ass to convince me to do this.

"Dammit.." I sigh, ultimately deciding it would be best to stay put. Hopefully, Changkyun remained asleep by the time the storm let up enough for me to sneak out of there.

So I stayed, reluctantly, and leaned my head back against the cushion of the sofa.

Between the thunder, the buzzing hum of the heating system in his apartment, and the soft sound of Changkyun's muffled snoring, it wasn't long before my eyes began to roll back sleepily.

"Hey...."

I flinch and my eyes pop open to find Changkyun standing before me in the living room, shirtless with his wild mane sitting messily atop his head.

It looked as if he'd awakened some time ago and taken a shower since he's in different clothes and the clean scent of his shampooed hair is detectable from his proximity.

I gulp as my eyes travel down his body of their own volition but blink away any inappropriate ideas before they can form. I lift my gaze to find him staring at me with the same dark interest.

"You're still here..." he states calmly as I sit up in the seat and he regards me just as soft as his voice as I glance around the room with mild confusion.

It was still dark outside but the storm had eased up significantly.

Damn...

How long was I asleep?

His eyes seemed more sober than they were before he passed out and I looked up at him speculatively.

That's a relief.

"Um...yeah. Must have dozed off.." I mutter, grimacing as I shake the sleepiness away.

Changkyun makes a noise that could have either been a scoff or a snort of humor.

"Yeah. Me too.." he chuckles, but his smile doesn't touch his eyes as it trailed off.

I can't imagine the headache he must have right now.

At his pause, I take it upon myself to continue.

"I stuck around hoping that the storm would let up a bit and dry off. I wasn't trying to..."

"Naw it's cool. You don't have to explain...Shit, to be honest...I don't even remember how I got home. Glad you had something to do with that and not some random..." he chuckles shamelessly and although I know he saying it in a joking manner, I know he is serious.

There's no telling how many women he's brought back here after getting shitfaced.

The thought makes my stomach turn.

"Yeah well...Since you're awake, I should probably get going..." I concede amid his nervous chuckling, preparing to stand and Changkyun immediately lifts his hands to stop me.

"What? No...I mean... it's still raining and it's late. People drive like dick heads over here when it's wet..." he says, his choice of words always colorful.

"It's fine...I didn't drive. I took the train." I said truthfully.

Changkyun frowns at my response.

"You took the train? What happened to your car?" He asks and I go tense.

Oh boy.

"I.......sold it," I answer him, tucking my lips between my teeth as I wait for him to digest the answer.

The two of us hadn't spoken in a while which meant I hadn't made him aware of me moving away, let alone me selling the car he'd spent countless hours working on for free.

Other than it being in my name and me being financially responsible for it, Changkyun put just as many miles and effort into it as if it were his.

"You sold your car..." he deadpans and I nod affirmatively.

Bravely.

Awkwardly.

"Yep. For a really good price to a guy I knew from uptown. I.... can't afford to take it with me so.."

"Oh right! Because you're moving out of the city." Changkyun interrupts me.

The sluggishness in his voice was no longer present, telling me he was for sure sober. But that same hint of disdain and disgust presented itself as he spoke. I open my mouth to respond but he cuts me off.

"Yeah....I know. Kinda saw it on Instagram. The whole "going away party" threads on your friend's stories gave me the clue. Sucks that I couldn't hear the news from you but...ya know." he shrugs sullenly.

I stand there quietly for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"Yeah." is all I can muster and Changkyun scoffs.

"Yeah.." he chuckles breathily, turning away from me as he runs a hand through his hair. I watched him begin to pace slowly, rubbing at the back of his neck and flaunting his bare upper body to the neon glow of the street lights just beyond his apartment window.

"I get it though. Of course you sold it. I mean...why not? You could always just get a replacement. Since that's your way of doing shit anyway. Commit to something, get it all fixed up, and just...walk away from it." He turns on his heel to throw in before turning his back to me again.

His statement stuns me and I'm left speechless as he continues away from me.

I watch his back and the shadows cast against his muscles from the dimness as he walks over to his array of liquor bottles lined up against the back wall of the kitchen counters. He reaches for a half-empty Hennesy, twisting the cap and tipping it back for a hefty sip that's swallowed down like water.

I furrow my brow at the way his shoulders sag in relief as he turns to me.

"You could have told me, you know? Thought we were better than that," he remarks stiffly before he lifts the bottle back to his lips, gazing over its body at me as he takes another sip.

His eyes are expectant and I just stare back, too tired to indulge him.

I sigh heavily and begin patting my pockets to make sure my phone and wallet are still there before spotting my keys on his coffee table.

"The only reason I'm here was because Kihyun reached out." I snatch them up and they jingle loudly as I step around the table. Changkyun frowns at the sound of his friend's name on my lips and narrows his eyes.

"Why the fuck would he hit you up?" he asks and I snort at the bitterness of his question.

"I asked myself the same thing. But he figured I was his last resort in getting in contact with you, seeing as how you've been avoiding everyone and missing work. Believe me, though, I'm starting to wish he hadn't..." I respond honestly breezing past Changkyun in the direction of his guest bathroom.

The only reason I'm able to move so comfortably around his apartment was that Id damn near made it my second home in the duration of our tumultuous relationship.

I wouldn't be surprised if I still had a toothbrush or a box of tampons here.

I flip the light switch, not at all surprised to find Changkyun following close behind and my disheveled reflection staring back at me in the mirror. My curls had dried only a little and my makeup was smudged a tad but not ruined.

"Right..because I'm not your problem anymore." He chuffs, taking another sip and I roll my eyes at his antics as I try to tend to my appearance. I run my fingers through my hair roughly before snatching a paper towel off the roll, dampening it before wiping just below my eyeline.

"You were never my problem Changkyun. The only one here with problems was you." I mutter distractedly, frowning at how difficult it was to wipe away my mascara. My response seems to amuse him and an ironic smirk crosses his face as he leans against the doorway.

"And I'm guessing that's why you left? Me and my problems? Just me though, right? Since you're so perfect..." he asks with a cheeky tone and I hiss irritably as I abruptly turn to face him.

"What choice did I have? What choice did you give me? All we do is fight. It's not healthy for either of us and I'm exhausted. YOU are exhausting. I never claimed to be perfect but you..." I go on and Changkyun nods cynically as I speak.

"Yeah...c'mon. Lay it on me. Tell me how horrible I am despite all the shit I've done for you...I'm the fucking worst right?" He chortles and I can't help but laugh.

"Like I haven't done shit for you! Don't act like that negates the fact that you can't change or that...I don't know...We just aren't compatible anymore. That we've grown apart..."

"I'm not changing for somebody who doesn't know what the fuck they want. Ok?" Changkyun cuts in, jutting his forefingers into his sternum emphatically.

"You're impossible to satisfy Mira! You want me to be someone that I'm not. At least not yet...You put pressure on me to do shit how you want and when I fall short, I'm the bad guy. I never cheated on you. Never put my hands on you..."

"Gee, thanks for the bare minimum of common decency Kyun. I appreciate it." I mumble amid his rambling...

"..when you suggested seeing a shrink, I was open to it.." he continues.

"But did you go?" I tack on and he rolls his eyes.

"That's not the point. You gotta give me time. This shit here? Talking about my feelings...this is new territory for me. You never cut me any slack. You just criticize and jet like you're doing now.."

"Because I'm tired of cutting you slack. I'm tired of waiting...I wanted us to evolve and be better together. I wanted us to live together officially and live healthier and get married and..." I trail off, the words clogging my throat as the heartbreak of feeling rejected by him swell.

For a while, we were fine.

But eventually, I wanted more than what he was willing to give. And he tried to appease me and distract me from the fact that our relationship had hit a plateau.

It took us having a pregnancy scare for me to really see how unprepared he was for us moving forward.

"...but you've made it explicitly clear that that's not what you want." I nearly choke on the sob threatening to break through.

We'd been through this too many times and rehashing it was the last thing I wanted. Changkyun blinked a few times as if he needed to gauge my demeanor before responding.

Then he looked away painfully, grimacing a bit as he rubbed at the back of his neck with a troubled sigh.

"I know...I'm just..not ready.." he mutters, his eyes now on the floor. His jaw tightened and shifted as he contemplated something and I remained in front of the bathroom sink patiently.

The silence between us was deafening and the longer I gazed at him and his conflicted state, the stronger my urge to cry became.

I love this man.

So much that it hurts to even say it.

Changkyun lifts his head suddenly at the sound of me sniffling and I curse myself for letting a tear escape.

I turn my back to wipe it away with a shaky huff.

"I know. And I'm not waiting for you to be. I can't. I'm just done." I shake my head, avoiding the searing look in his eyes I knew he was giving me.

I sniffle again, scanning his bathroom for the tiny waste bin to discard the charcoal-streaked paper towel and Changkyun stands unmoved in the doorway as I brush past him.

Before I'm clear of him, I feel his hand gripping me by the wrist.

I pause, anticipating the inevitable. Another condescending remark to get a rise out of me, provoking me to engage in more back and forth. Feeding his selfish need to drain me until I was as empty as he felt.

But to my surprise, he says nothing.

At his silence, I turn to find him staring at our now intertwined fingers sadly.

His brow creased painfully and the muscles in his jaw tensed as he bit back the urge to cry, the urge that glistened in his hooded eyes.

"You can't be angry at me for not wanting what you want when you want it," he repeats and I roll my eyes, pulling my hand from his with little effort. He doesn't try to stop me from withdrawing despite us moving like magnets. He drags behind me to the living room mindlessly.

"I'm not doing this...." I mutter as I scan the room as if I'd forgotten something.

"You're here, so you are. We..are doing this." He grits, his tone making me turn on my heel to face him with the full intention to cuss and give him exactly what he wanted.

But the way he glares into me with broken eyes and his sullen shoulders, I'm rendered silent.

"We could have worked this out but instead you did what you always do when shit gets tough. Run away.." he closes the distance between us tentatively, his voice shaking as he spoke.

I shake my head at the conviction in his voice, knowing we were at an impasse.

"Right.." I chuckle before wiping my eyes one more time. I lift them to match his glare intensely.

"And you go and do what you always do when you can't take accountability for shit. Go and find solace at the bottom of a liquor bottle until you're painting the floor with it."

I know the words a daggers to him when he narrows his eyes.

"And you're such a saint." Changkyun tuts his brow arrogantly at me.

Yes. There was a time when getting black-out drunk and high was considered a good time. And those horrible habits were the reason Changkyun and I bonded. Mutual interests evolved as did our relationship and loving him made being under the influence less necessary.

"Well, it's a good thing we ended things right? Since we're so different..." I shrug and Changkyun scoffs, looking away with his tongue sticking through the skin of his cheek. When he looks back, it's with a look that always used to make my core tighten.

"I didn't end shit." he insists, narrowing his eyes at him darkly.

"I know."

"Exactly. So stop acting like I wronged you in all of this. Stop acting like I'm the one who broke your heart, Mira."

The tears were flowing freely by now and I neither had the will or strength to resist them anymore. Eyes rimmed red and shining, I let out a laugh that morphs into a muffled sob.

"I had to. Don't you understand? For the sake of my sanity, I had to walk away because I was not going to sit back and watch you destroy yourself. To watch us destroy each other. I loved you too much to continue this. I tried but I just couldn't. I had to be done."

"What if I'm not?"

"Kyun..."

"I don't wanna be done."

He stares at me blankly for a moment, his eyes reading the way I avoided his with a melancholy smirk.

Suddenly Im inhaling the malted mix of cognac and mint as he grabbed me at the back of my neck, pulling me forward so that he could rest his forehead against mine.

His eyes bore into mine, dark as obsidian and just as hard. The tip of his nose brushes mine and he tilts his head so his words are painted against my lips in an exalted exhale.

"And neither do you.." he mouths, our parted lips sharing a desperate breath for a moment before one of us gives in.

And it's him.

It's always him.

The darkness in his eyes was sinful when he pulled away and I'm ashamed to have been the one chasing his lips a little when he did.

His presence was more intoxicating than any liquor I ever consumed.

The way neon lights from beyond the window blinked against the side of his face, highlighting his chiseled features as he walked me back until I was pressed flat against the wall of his living room.

"Kyunnie?" I stammer as he pressed against me, pinning me to the concrete grey-painted wall, kneading my nape as he tipped his head back just enough to see my face.

His eyes danced with mine for a moment, both of us hesitating and searching for something in the other.

"You hate me, don't you?" He asks.

"I never said that..." I attempt to respond but he shakes his head.

"You never had to..." he cuts me off, his eyes falling to my lips. Without a shred of hesitation, he leans in and kisses me again.

Harder.

More fervently.

Hennessy and desperation lingered on his tongue but he didn't kiss me as if on a drunken impulse. He kissed me as if his life depended on it. Sloppy and frantic. Our teeth clashed at moments as our tongues fought and our voices melded into a melody of muffled moans.

What the hell was happening...

A few minutes ago I was ready to walk away from this part of my life. Ready to end this chapter and close the door on the man who knew better but wouldn't do or be better.

Toxic wasn't even the word.

His mouth parts from mine and he trails sloppy desperate pecks down from my lips to my neck.

My weakness.

The moment his lips grazed my skin, chills ran over my entire body, and Changkyun wasted no time in taking my flesh between his teeth. His hard body felt hot against mine and I wasn't sure if it was his heartbeat I felt through my clothes or my own. But what I did know was that I needed him.

In more than just a physical sense.

I needed him all over me.

On top of me.

Inside me.

His tongue swipes over the series of love bites he placed on my skin and I moan his name needingly. I feel him smile against me and chuckle softly before sucking a mark over my pulse.

He knew he had me the moment he sunk his teeth into my skin. Im putty in his hands and anything he desired was his as long as he was willing to fulfill mine.

Seconds later, we're falling back against his couch with me straddling his waist and him ripping my clothes off. It was not long before Im naked and gazing down at the length of Changkyun's dick standing up in his grasp.

He bites his lip, dragging his hooded gaze up my body as if he'd never seen it before.

Or as if he believed he'd never see it again.

He squeezed my hip with his other hand, encouraging me to grind my hips against him a few times before rising to my knees.

Wordlessly, he guides me down to sink into me slowly. A slow hiss blows between his teeth before his jaw goes slack and my eyes flutter shut in ecstasy at the slight sting.

It felt like forever since I'd had him inside me but it couldn't have been long enough for me to forget how he stretched me. I moan shamelessly with my head thrown back, my waist already whining against him and Changkyun reaches up to tangle his fingers with the hair at my nape.

He pulls me forward, forcing me to look at him as he buries himself as deep as I'll allow him.

"Fuck me baby...fuck me like you fucking hate me.." Changkyun demands, the growl in his deep raspy voice driving me wild with emotion and lust.

I obey immediately, placing my hands on the back of the couch for better support. I slowly roll my hips back and forth to find my rhythm, using my lower body strength to bounce on him. Every movement pushes him deeper and I soon lose myself completely in how good he felt.

Like he was made for me.

My moans soon drowned out the sound of our skin slapping together, the wetness and stimulation pushing me closer to climax.

It never took long for Changkyun to make me cum. He knew my body that well and at times I resented it. He was arrogant with the power he held and it's shown in the amusement written all over his face right now.

His brow is perked and his eyes are fixed on my face, relishing in the painfully pleasured expression of my impending orgasm as he bucked his hips to drive himself exactly where I needed him.

When my legs begin to shake, he smiles and fucks into me faster until a rush of release spurts out and around his dick. My warmth and wetness surrounded him like a waterfall, and he fought against the current effortlessly as I cried out.

"Oh my god.." I drawl out and Changkyun silences anything else I might have said by pulling me in by the neck to kiss him sloppily.

He hugs me against him, holding me in place as his hips continue to roll upwards and stroking me slowly as we kiss.

"I changed my mind..." I mutter against his lips and he hums questioningly.

"I do hate you..." I finish, his only response being a cruel chuckle that makes my walls clench around him.

"Fuck, Mira..." he whispers, taking my bottom lip between his teeth. I pull back slowly, allowing the flesh to stretch before he releases it with reluctance.

I attempt to untangle myself from him but his embrace only tightens with resistance.

Before I can question him, Changkyun grunts as he stands with his arms hooked beneath my legs. My eyes widen in surprise to find his hardened gaze fixated on where were still connected, biting his lip and bouncing my body against his dick.

This angle was even more torturous as it not forced him deeper, but the constant feel of me pounding against him had my clit throbbing from the friction. Not to mention the fact that he held me up and fucked me like this for a while, reminding me of how strong he was physically.

I almost feel like I can't breathe and my voice is hoarse from moaning. I most likely came again. Or a few times. I wouldn't be able to tell. I can barely see since tears still blurred my vision from before and I had no choice but to be at the mercy of my ex and his determination to prove a point.

Though, I had no idea or care of what it was.

"You hate me? Hmm...you hate me?" He grunted in time with his hard strokes, still holding me up in his arms.

I mumble his name endlessly and amidst a string of breathy moans.

I do hate him.

Hate him for ruining all men for me after this.

Hate him for always fucking me..making love to me..like his life depended on it.

Hate him for branding himself on my damaged soul so that every time I closed my eyes, my heart projected his face against the blank walls of my mind.

Hate him for giving me no choice other than to love him.

Fuck, I love him.

Changkyun pauses to step briskly with me still in his hold, nudging his already open bedroom door away for us to enter.

A chill ran over my skin as he stepped deeper into his room. The scent of his cologne and bed sheets trigger memories I fought to forget and I gasp when the softness of his them grace my back.

He doesn't waste another second.

He spreads me wide, keen eyes on where his dick still split me and a thick stream of saliva drips from his tongue and onto the point where we met.

As if it was needed.

I just think he got harder at the idea of stuffing me with as much of his DNA as he could.

And I hate to admit how hot it was.

"Kyun.." I sigh and his eyes snap up to my begging eyes as he sinks into me.

His hips rock my body higher on the mattress and his solid arms cage me against his chest as he fucked me.

Slowly.

Purposefully.

It wasn't hurried and frantic like before.

He curled into me and stroked my warm velvety walls with a gentleness I'd missed from him.

He savored me.

On his lips. On his tongue. In my sex.

Changkyun made love to me like a man stroking against a current, fighting his way to shore.

He fucked me as if it pained him not to.

I felt his lips kissing the shell of my ear as he whispered my name.

Over and over.

I can tell he's unraveling and that the moment is limited.

I held him against me, my nails scraping over his back as he rocked into me faster and harder, making me gasp.

I needed him.

Maybe not beyond this moment or these four walls.

But I needed him now in any way I could.

He'd barely pulled out in time before he spurts himself all over the face of my pussy, hiccuping my name against my throat as he came.

He strokes himself slowly, squeezing the final few drops of cum over my pink folds before pressing his dick back inside of me.

He's still rock hard and my slicked walls welcome him in with zero resistance.

I brace my hands against his hard biceps as he sank deeper inside of me to the hilt, the tip of him pressing as far as it would go. He flexes his hips and pushes himself impossibly deep.

So deep that I can feel our pulses throbbing between us.

So deep that it was as if he was yearning to touch a part of me that he never felt. A part of me that would be our saving grace and keep the withering connection between us alive.

But all I felt was pain.

Sweet.

Somber.

Sobering.

Pain.

"Changkyun...." I whimper beneath him and he eases back an inch with a heavy sigh as he lays his full weight over me.

He rests his face in the crook of my neck and I feel his warm touch caressing my face. His thumb swipes over the apple of my cheek, sweeping over the trail of tears that still flowed from my eyes.

For a while we just lay there, leveling our labored breaths and staring into the sepia tone of his darkened apartment bedroom. I feel myself drifting asleep until the deep vibrations of Changkyun's tired voice pull me back up.

"Hmm?" I rasp and he sniffs and swallows the hard lump of emotion in his throat, hugging our naked bodies tighter together.

"I don't blame you...for hating me." He says shakily, sniffling again. If it weren't for his grip on me and my fatigue, I would have pushed him away just enough for me to see his face.

I furrow my brow and contemplate what I could say to him in response. Just to ease the pain in his voice a touch because I did love him that much.

But...

"I hate me too..." he adds on, squeezing me again.

Changkyun turns his face so that that his nose brushes against my nape and his shuddering breath against my skin makes me shiver.

He cries there for a moment and the weakened tone of his light sobs pull me down into the abyss with him. I say nothing though. Knowing anything I could say would either sound patronizing or enabling.

Or a like a lie.

And I just couldn't do it anymore.

But God Dammit if it didn't hurt.

"I'm sorry." He whipsers after his silence sets a pause in his tears. The words sound painful for him to say and for some reason, my heart ached.

This changed nothing. He was still who he was and so was I. As much as we loved each other, it would never be enough.

"Me too. " Is all I can manage to say and I tangle my fingers in the sweat-damp hair at his nape, stroking his scalp with my fingertips soothingly as we both lay motionless.

Still connected in the only way we could be.

🥵

#monsta x smut #changkyun #changkyun smut #jooheon #wonho #hyungwon #minhyuk #kihyun #hyunwoo #shownu #monsta x #monsta x fanfic #monsta x imagines #monsta x changkyun

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kaycode1999 · 4 months ago

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hi heard you were doing some match ups and i was wondering if u could do me one

For starters, im a demisexual girl, still debating if im bi or simply a straight ally(in that case i'd kindly ask for a male counterpart), i don't want to be shipped with mk, mei, sandy, tang,pigsy bc i only see them as friends, and ao lie bc i already got him two times

i struggle with anxiety, abandonment, self worth and attachment issues and am currently working on my insomnia

Im a really sensitive person(tho not to the point of crying)my familly calls me a litteral drama queen

I sometimes feel like a useless third wheel, i rarely get angry at anything and always get along with anyone, my friends to confuse my goofy,friendly and open minded behavior for naivety and stupidety and i really hate it

For my aesthetic: i guess im a bit of everything depending on my mood, i like it when it matches, tho i do prefer hardcore colors like fushia, purple and dark blue, i also wear some moon and star themed jewelry i make myself

Im an ambivert, i socialize pretty well but prefer alone times

My love languages is physical affection(im not too clingy since i value personal space and boundaries more), words of affirmation, flirting lots of flirting and quality time and for me communication is the key, i don't really have a type but i am looking for someone loyal, who will love me and my insecurities and will accept that im badly crazy sometimes

i like drawing, mythology, reading, writing poems, painting, listening to music depending on my mood, studying dark entities(wich freaks my parents out), walking in the city(during night time),and i have a weird habit of collecting bird skull

I match you with

Macaque

The good thing is he knows first hand what its like to deal with anxiety, abandonment, self worth, attachment issues and feeling like a useless third wheel. Which means he has special knowledge of how to help you through it and/or do what he can to make sure he's never the cause of those feelings

With everything that's happened in his past, he actually views your demeanor as strong and intelligent. In his mind it takes no effort or intelligence to be cynical and mean, it's easy to do- but being friendly and kind shows your strength of character. ( Don't let him hear your friends putting you down for it or protective mode is ACTIVATED)

It simultaneously makes his heart swell with pride and makes him super flustered to see you wearing moon-themed anything because he compares himself to the Moon and Wukong to the Sun. (Please make him some matching ones he would love it😭)

Poor Monkey is honestly affection starved so he's not used to any of it. He's so thankful that you want to give him affection even though it makes him flustered. Its so cute though, his face gets so red with any kind of affection its adorable

Person B: what is this?

Person A: affection

Person B: disgusting

Person B:

Person B: do it again

This has actually happened before 😂😂

He never imagined he'd be lucky enough to be with you, so trust me once he is he's never leaving

He loves going on walks with you at night, he also finds the skull thing interesting

If you’re having trouble getting to sleep he’ll do whatever you want to help, just talking about random stuff or humming or just generally being there for you

#lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk matchup #lego monkie kid match up #macaque x reader #lmk macaque

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lewkwoodnco · 1 year ago

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Heyy:) I just wanted to request a George x fem!reader one shot :P I totally understand if you don't want to write it or if you don't like the idea or anything but I was thinking a fic inspired by "wildest dreams" by Taylor? Just some silly teen romance vibes you know🤭 (and please no Angst or anything, I can't take that shit atm😔)

Wildest Dreams - George Karim x Reader

A/N: going to be taking a break from the requests in my inbox to work on my 12 days of fics series! (but will get back to them after im done heheh) I might have completely butchered this ask im so sorry BUT I made it as fluffy as I think it gets (w George at least), just had to do the 77 thing i have no self-restraint, also this poem is soso beautiful one of my absolute favesss but idk whats up with the formatting :(((, wc 3.3k!

TAGLIST | MASTERLIST

Subtle Bridges

Walking with me, you'd once pointed to the fragility and ingenuity of a spider's web. Subtle bridges, you said, On bridges some men hang. A warning that has stayed While I read history traced in blood and tears of men. I was caught in the end with a nest of books. They burned anyway, and now I bend to build an emperor's endless wall. Like a thread of longing the border runs in loops and bends, and along it we root the gravestones of nameless men. A king's metaphor, This is, history raised from ash and bone -- a symbol Of its vast futility, or of eternity. Which it is I do not know, But since leaving home some things have come clear. No one literally breaks from loss, not even here. And some ties won't give. I sometimes dream of you, and walking, in gardens where love and knowledge hang.

By Yvonne Koh

She was at the Kensel Green Cemetery with the rest of her team from Fittes, after being called down by DEPRAC because of a robbery. They had spread out over the building, looking for any sign of the missing relic or the culprit, when she heard a slow, grinding noise from inside the hall. She quietly crept in to the silhouette of a shadowy figure bent over the casket.

"Can I help you?"

The boy's head snapped up immediately, painfully slamming against the stone shelf behind him. She let out an involuntary gasp, briefly wincing at the hollow thunk.

"Didn't do it," he groaned, steadying himself against the wall. "...whatever it was that...someone did."

She squinted at him using the little light spilling in from the corridor. He couldn't have been more than a year or two older than her. Against her better judgement, she kept her voice down.

"This is a crime scene!" she hissed at him.

"I - what?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm not a thief, or a relic man. I promise."

Her eyes swept his scruffy appearance critically. "Why would I think that?"

"Ms L/N?"

She turned, momentarily speechless, barely registering the rustle of the boy stealing away into the darkness. She blinked against the brightness of Inspector Barnes' torch, glancing back to check that he really was gone.

"Everything alright?"

She paused for a moment longer, as if willing him to rematerialise in the corner he had been crouching in just a moment ago. Nothing. Her eyes narrowed. Interesting. Very interesting indeed.

"Must have been the wind."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

George was staring out the kitchen window glumly, lazily stirring his mug of tea. The weather was as pleasant as it got, and Lockwood had roused them all at the crack of dawn for a breakfast picnic, to 'boost morale.' Of course, George should have known better than to hold his breath, especially when loud angry voices had started to shake him awake when he had been halfway through groggily packing their picnic basket. Now, he sipped his cold tea through thin lips, listening to the slow, steady footsteps approaching the kitchen and the wan face belonging to them.

"Let me guess. You and Lucy are no longer in the mood for a picnic?"

Lockwood sombrely shook his head. George sighed, picking up the picnic basket. Seemed like a shame to let his slaving away go to waste. And he was still very much in the mood for the strawberries and cream he had packed inside. Which is why George had been heading out for a solo breakfast picnic with enough food for three when he heard a foreign voice stop him.

"George Casper Karim."

He looked up from the doorknob in alarm. It was the girl from Kensel Green Cemetery. He hesitated, trying to gauge her expression.

"Ex-employee of Fittes Agency, fired after six months for insubordination, currently a researcher at Lockwood & Co."

"Brilliant. Astonishing, really, how you've repeated my own job history back to me."

She frowned. He relished the stab of satisfaction. He'd had a shitty morning and was likely going to have a shitty day, so really, having a go at someone was probably going to be the highlight.

"There's no need to be rude."

"I think I'd know where I've been the past couple of years, thanks very much. Forgive me for not being more impressed."

Still looking a little disgruntled, she pressed on, firmly clutching the waist-high gate. "I've got a bone to pick with you, if you don't mind."

He eyed her warily, and decided against approaching her any further. "You can pick it just fine from over there."

She looked mildly peeved, but he didn't trust her as far as he could throw her. After a few long, tense seconds, she relented, not that she was happy about it..

"So...you were right. You're no relic man."

That was quick. "Thank you. Have a nice day." He closed the distance between him and the gate in a few quick strides, pushing against it, but she pushed right back with a steely look in her eye.

"Don't know about the other bit, though."

He didn't like the look in her eye; the look of someone knowing something he didn't. His mouth went dry.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Might be more convincing if your associate hadn't mentioned a talking skull. Awfully difficult to contain a visitor without a ghost jar, wouldn't you say?"

He swore under his breath. "Fucking Lockwood can't keep his mouth shut."

"I don't expect DEPRAC takes kindly to thieves or hooligans-"

He let out a bark of laughter. "Hooligan? Me?"

"-or strange boys who break into places they shouldn't be-"

"You can't prove it was me."

"Wanna bet?"

A challenge. A dare. His mouth was already open to call her bluff when the self-satisfied smirk curling at the corner of her lip gave him pause. Lockwood wouldn't be much pleased if he gave DEPRAC another reason to steer the agency dangerously close towards closing. He wasn't like Lockwood or Lucy - he was careful, very careful. Too late George wished he had been a little more careful all those years ago in covering his tracks - but, to be fair, he had no reason to think anyone at Fittes would have been capable enough to put two and two together.

Until now.

"Look, why don't we...talk about this, like civilised people? I've got strawb - you like strawberries and cream, don't you?"

She sneered again. George was beginning to think that was just how her face looked.

"You want to bribe me with...strawberries...and cream?"

"It's not bribery. Just...a friendly chat. Agent to agent."

Which was how they ended up on a grassy hill at one of the meadows at the outskirts of London. He had never been there before, but Lockwood had remembered it as a prime spot for cosy family picnics.

"So what else do you know about me?"

She chewed a bite of scrambled eggs thoughtfully before responding.

"You're obsessed with the Problem. An obsession that made you an asset, initially."

She had heard that he was the one who had identified the visitor, Edmund Bickerstaff, but what she had had difficulty wrapping her head around was how he had managed to do it with only the vast yet imprecise volumes of the Archives at his disposal. Imagine what he could do with the carefully curated library at Fittes. She stared at him, trying to figure him out. There was a gentle breeze blowing and the slight movement made him look marginally more affable but not any more comprehensible. She let out the breath she was holding.

"You must have really screwed up for Fittes to have let you go."

He shrugged. "It was a long time coming. Fittes never really was the type of company I was interested in working at, and I was never the type of employee Fittes was interested in keeping."

"What about now? Have you ever considered leaving?"

"Why would I?"

"I've taken a glance at Lockwood & Co's financial records. You can't be making much, if anything at all."

"And go from being broke to being broke and homeless?"

"Homeless? What about your parents?"

"I visit them, occasionally, but they're a right piece of work. Last time I saw them was my grandmother's 77th birthday. I think there was a row but I can't be completely sure because I was a little, er, sloshed. The party ended, and I expect the champagne went flat, and my aunt was the last to leave. She was sitting on the floor with a merlot in her hand, and her voice was ringing through the halls. The curtains were burnt, my parents didn't talk to each other for a week, and one of my brothers had broken his hand. But I could never forget sitting in that empty dining hall, holding those sodden, scorched curtains, listening to her saying nothing lasts forever, nothing lasts forever."

The sunlight had a diffused quality to it, at least the little of it that managed to pour through the layer of clouds blocking the sky. The ashy light threw a powdery glow on George's face, and for a moment she felt as though she was in that dining hall with him, listening to those same laments. He glanced at her, and she felt a sudden, foreign uncertainty grip her heart.

"Now I feel really bad about lying."

His hand slipped, missing his mouth by a good couple of inches, nearly sending the contents of his glass down his shirt.

"Lie? What lie?"

"I kind of haven't, not really...actually spoken to any of your associates."

He chokes on his laughter, and when he throws his head back she wonders if she's ever seen anyone laugh as freely as him. It's a ridiculously enticing sight.

"Touché. Touché."

He looks at her in the eye, unabashed, with an unnaturally casual intensity. It almost feels impolite.

"So...yeah. Maybe I was suited to be a Fittes agent, once upon a time, but not anymore."

"That's a pity."

He looks at her weird, and she hastily changes the subject.

"Do you do this often?"

"What, taking strangers out for breakfast?"

"No. Bring a girl out here, feed her some strawberries and cream, maybe a Shakespearean sonnet or two..."

"I don't set much store in Shakespearean sonnets. I'm not...I'm not much of a poetry person."

There's something reserved in his face that makes her feel terrible for asking.

"I've really only read one worth remembering. Subtle bridges, you said, on bridges some men hang. Some ties won't give. I sometimes dream of you, and walking, in gardens where love and knowledge hang."

He bites into a strawberry, which stains his lips a bright red. She looks away a second too late.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After reluctantly agreeing to keep the matter of the stolen ghost jar between the two of them, she never expected to see him again. And yet, as fate would have it, they crossed paths again roughly a week later. She and one of her teammates had been assigned to a Church to handle a relatively weak Type Two, when she heard a scuffling sound from one of the rooms whose door was ajar. Her teammate froze, and she didn't feel much braver either. They approached the room cautiously, rapiers at the ready.

"Hello? Anyone there?"

"Y/N?"

The glare from their flashlights blindly darted over the room before it settled on the floor, illuminating a bleeding George looking the worse for wear, hissing at the harsh florescent light.. She visibly relaxed.

"Oh. You again."

Lockwood and Lucy exchanged a look.

"Do you two know each other?"

A silence followed. George looked to be at a loss of words and she, too, couldn't quite find the right answer.

"We've...met."

They helped George up while Lockwood smoothly explained the situation, and how they would never dream of intentionally From the derisive eye rolls of his remaining, uninjured associate, there was clearly more to their presence than he was letting on, but she wasn't paid nearly enough to go through the trouble of finding that out. Apparently, they had already dealt with the Type Two, so she filled out her report as vague as she dared to be, while they wandered out to flag down a cab.

George lingered behind briefly, dabbing at his nose experimentally while she put the finishing touches to her file.

"We can't keep meeting like this, you know."

"Like what?"

She shook her head, surprisingly having to bite back a smile. "You're incorrigible. If you keep sneaking around for much longer I'll have to report you one of these days."

He pulled his face into an exaggerated sulk and ducked as she tried to smack him with her case report.

"Alright, alright!"

True to his word, their less-than-ideal meetings came to an end. Instead, they continued to occasionally meet at that serene, refreshingly Edenic sloping hill. She'd return from a client meeting or from scoping out a location and the front desk would have a message waiting for her, from one vaguely snippy anonymous man. Sometimes he'd be waiting at the hill with snacks, which she'd ravenously dig into, though he was less generous on the biscuit front. He tells her about the happenings of 35 Portland Row and his research and bounces his latest theory on the origins of the Problem off of her. She tells him about her week, and the bothersome, inept people she works with, and on their joint cases he's snarky towards all the right people. It makes her feel special.

On one such evening, they were lazing on a picnic blanket, and a pleasantly warm breeze was toying with their hair. George was looking at the severe, fragile branches encroaching on the powdery blue sky through heavily-lidded eyes. She was absent-mindedly fiddling with his surprisingly soft fingers, distractedly breathing in the faint, antiseptic smell of ammonia that clung to his clothes. She was thinking about how sharp he was and how quickly he picked up on details on their joint cases. No matter how many times she saw him pick apart a case with a carefully perfected elegance, she felt like a part of her would forever be in awe of his beautifully intricate mind.

"Sometimes I feel like your talents are so wasted here. Imagine what you could do with access to all of Fittes' resources."

"i don't need Fittes's resources to be a good researcher."

She watches the yellow daffodils tossing their heads back just inches in front of them through her eyelashes.

"i know you don't. It can't hurt, is all I'm saying."

"Why do you care?"

She paused. Why did she care? She cared about him, sure, but it was no different from how she cared about her teammates, her friends, but with George...it somehow felt more personal. She sighs irritably, releasing the bubble of frustration lodged in her throat all week. She just wanted what was best for him. It takes her a minute to come up with her hesitant response.

"I...don't know. I don't care. But sometimes I can't help but wonder...what if this was what you needed to uncover the root of the Problem?"

He half-laughs, but stops short at the sight of her face as she lifts her head off his chest. "You can't be serious."

"Why not?"

"Y/N...statistically speaking -"

"All I'm saying is the answer could very well be in the Fittes library and you might be the only one who'd know where to look."

She lies down again, and whispers to the trees rather than George.

"Just...something to think about."

As time went on, their relationship began to bleed into more public spheres. She dropped by Portland Row occasionally, and they even had tea at her apartment once. On this particular afternoon, they were in George's room at Portland Row. She was looking through the titles on his alarmingly tall bookcases while he was at his desk, copying some runes from a book while telling her about his latest experiment with the skull. Her eyes roved over the titles restlessly, unseeingly, in a futile attempt to distract herself from her upcoming assignment. She let George's voice wash over her, pleasingly varied in tone and comfortingly familiar, soothing the itch in her brain. After a moment or two, she realises he's stopped talking, and looks up to see him staring at her with a frown on his face.

"Er, sorry. Drifted off there for a while."

"I guessed."

He studies her with an inscrutable expression and she's been caught too off-guard to come up with anything other than the letter burning a hole in her desk.

"You alright?"

She sits on a chair next to his and rests her chin on her knee, feeling oddly wooden. After getting to know George, she had taken the comfort of being able to somewhat predict his mannerisms for granted, and the thought of heading into this blind made her nervous.

"My team's been assigned a case outside of London."

"Oh. When?"

"We leave this weekend."

He looks too stunned to ask the question weighing on both their minds.

"It's for a month."

"A month," he echoes distantly, as if not quite sure what to make of that piece of information. His face remains impassive and she waits for a reaction which never comes. "What about that celebratory dinner?"

"We leave after it."

"Oh."

For someone who usually always had so much to say about anything and everything, his current conversational skills were desperately wanting. Say something. Be affected, she begs internally. She needs to hear him say it. She needs the sickness in her chest to be real, to be founded.

"It'll be...different without you." The careful look on his face makes her feel like he's picking out her emotions from her face and engineering an optimal response. "I'll miss you."

It doesn't comfort her in the way she expected it would. Suddenly, she can't even bear to look at him.

"You don't have to."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Either George had decided that she needed some space or he was just as pissed as she was, because she didn't see one sign of him over the next few days. Good. She hardly noticed. The thousand times a day he crossed her mind were only out of relief, and nothing else. But as much as she pretended otherwise, by the time the celebratory dinner rolled around, his absence had taken a toll on her. She couldn't tell if she was hoping or dreading seeing him again.

She was on a balcony on the upper floor, looking miserably into the radiant foliage of the gardens below, where unfamiliar faces flitted with a lightness of heart she envied. Their shadows are tall and intertwine ceaselessly, making her dizzy. Her bags were packed, her ticket was waiting on her mantle, and all loose ends were tied up. Even her one chance at happiness for the rest of her life.

There's a rustle behind her and she turns to see George standing a considerable distance away from her. He's only marginally closer than the first time they met, properly, when he was standing outside their front door and she was pacing behind the garden gate. She wants to cry in relief. Instead, she finds it in her not to look away. Maybe it's the confusing lighting, but there's a soft edge to his face.

"I thought I saw you come up here."

She doesn't say anything; she's too happy to. And yet, a part of her is still deeply unhappy with the sight in front of her.

"Have you...tried the food?"

"...it's not as good as yours."

"You must be leaving soon."

"Tomorrow." The thought makes her want to rip her face off.

"You'll be back in a month."

She drummed her fingernails against the marble railing, carefully choosing her words.

"What if things change in a month?" What if, she wanted to say, you meet someone else who loves you better than I can?

"It's only a month."

"A whole month."

"I don't understand. Why are you so afraid?"

"Because - because you'd forget me. You'd forget me, and our memories would sink six feet under, and you'd move on and my heart would break and...you wouldn't care."

She's never felt this way about anyone before, and she doesn't know how to express how badly she needs him to stay.

"I don't want to go back to not knowing you, George."

The setting sun burns into her neck and all of a sudden, she feels unbearably hot. Her hair is plastered to her forehead and her hands feel clammy. Her face is flushed and she feels ridiculous in her dress. But he's here, and she's said it, so she lets herself dream, if only for a moment.q

"I think about you every day. One month, two months, three months...I'll wait."

TAGLIST: @avdiobliss @dangelnleif @elenianag080 @mitskiswift99 @mischivana @houseoftwistedspirits

#lockwood & co #lockwood and co #lockwood and co netflix #fanfiction #fanfic #george karim x reader #george karim imagine #george karim x you #george karim x y/n #taylor swift #wildest dreams #1989 tv #1989 era #1989 taylor's version #1989 #taylor swift 1989

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seriesxwriting · 2 years ago

Note

I have a request for rafe!!

basically reader was in a toxic relationship before rafe and still don’t know how to act bc he’s good to her?? like she asks if he’s ok with her clothes and if she can use one specifically bikini … rafe just notice theses things and ask her why she always do that and if he did something for her to feel that way and she tells him everything ( english is not my first language so I’m sorry if it’s confusing)

Omgg!! Thank you so much for this request i love your idea and i hope i can capture it in my writing how you imagined it!! (also your English is really good, don’t worry <3)

Forhead kisses

W rafe cameron

Series- outer banks

Warnings- talks about a previous toxic relationship, kissing, swearing, mentions of fighting.

Summary- request ❤️

Phone call-

Rafe-“Hey gorgeous im outside, are you ready?”

Y/n-“Um- no not really im so sorry, could you come in please i need to ask you something?”

Rafe- “Don’t apologise hun, ill be up in a second”

Y/n- “Thank you rafe- ill see you in a sec”

Rafe stopped the engine on his jeep and stepped out going towards my house, walking up the brick steps. He let himself in as my parents weren’t in and came straight up to my room where i was waiting for him.

“Morning gorgeous” he smiled pushing the door open and walking over to me. “Hey handsome” i smiled brightly feeling Rafe embrace me in his arms, he placed a soft kiss on the top of my forehead. I loved when he did that, i felt so safe. “What did you need to ask me” he wondered taking a place on my bed hugging one of my pillows, while watching over at me standing in front of the mirror.

“Can i wear this today like- like what do you think of this- is it okay?” I stuttered awkwardly, turning my body towards him. “You look amazing hun like always, you can wear whatever you feel comfortable in” rafe gave up a simple smile. He was so cute. “Really? -I really like this bikini I brought it last year but i haven’t worn it yet” “i like it, red suits you”.

“Thank you- let me grab some shorts and then we can get a move on” i smiled feeling all warm inside. Rafe did that to me. I collected my things for the beach and we left the house getting into the car. Rafe opened the car door for me, my stomach felt like butterflies were fluttering around in a frenzy anytime rafe did something like that for me. It was just so thoughtful, I wasn’t used to the princess treatment.

“I also wanted to apologise for not texting you back last night” i looked over at him sitting in the drivers seat he was concentrating hard on the roads. “You’ve already done that hun, its okay you were with family i get it” “so you wasn’t angry I didn’t text you all night?” I questioned biting my lip. “Well i missed you but of course not, you were busy your allowed to have a life” rafe moved his hand to my thigh rubbing it softly with his thumb.

“Rafe” i voiced lowly after he’d finished parking up the car, he looked over at me staring into my eyes. “I love you” i placed my hand on top of his. “I love you too” he smiled across to me moving over to kiss my forehead again. There were them damn butterflies again.

Seems my parents were away with family today therefore me and rafe had planned to spend it together by going to the beach first and then out on a date when it got dark. The whole thing was Rafe’s idea I would have just suggested watching films all day in my bed. He got out the car picking up both our bags on the way. Then we made our way down to the sand. We laid our towels down leaving our stuff there and spontaneously ran into the big blue sea splashing about with each other like children.

“Oh my god Rafe! i cant believe you just soaked my hair like that” i giggled splashing him back with all my force. “You splashed me first” he laughed swimming towards me, i swam away best I could in fits of laughter but of course the boy caught me pulling me towards him. My legs wrapped around his waist and my arms, his neck. “Got you” he whispered pecking me on the lips. “Hm, im okay with it” i shrugged leaning in to kiss him softly.

One of his hands was fastened to my waist while the other move to my cheek. “So, where do you want to eat later?” Rafe smiled pulling away to ask his question. “We don’t have to go out if its too much hassle we can get a takeaway, your staying around anyway” “making you happy isnt a hassle y/n, besides i want to take you out”. I smiled an involuntary smile, i couldn’t help it he just made me feel so content.

“I was thinking the high cotton in Charleston, i’ll drive” “thats fancy” I smirked raising an eyebrow. “Have you been?” “no but my parents went for their anniversary, apparently its hard to get a reservation” “Not if your friends with the owner” rafe winked making me chuckle. “Sounds perfect, i cant wait” “me too, cant wait to see your outfit” Rafe wiggled his eyebrows at me.

My heart dropped. Shit what was i going to wear. It was a fancy restaurant so I couldn’t be under dressed and i had to look sensible too. I had to cover up a bit so I looked modest but i wanted to look good too. And rafe has to like the outfit obviously, he had to approve first.

“Come on, lets go get dry so we can pick up an ice cream” rafe nodded at the shore. “Only if i can choose the place” I bargained with him. “What ever you want beautiful” rafe told me shrugging.

Later on that evening-

“Y/n, hun are you alright you’ve been in there for like half an hour” rafe knocked on my walk-in wardrobe door. “Um- yeah, two seconds” i called out to my boyfriend while looking in my mirror fluffing my hair out over my shoulders. I opened the door, Rafe was standing at my dresser wearing a suit, he turned around to look at me. His eyes automatically widened.

“Can i wear this dress? Does it look okay” “sit down gorgeous” rafe nodded at the bed, my heart dropped with fear but still i did as he said. Rafe wondered over, perching next to me. “You look stunning, your perfect everything about you is” rafe told me looking into my eyes.

“Be honest, h- have i done something to make you think your not?” He asked me softly “what! No rafe- not at all you treat my like im an actual princess” i smiled weakly knowing what was coming.

“You can wear what ever you want, you know that right? You don’t have to get my permission i would never tell you that you cant- ill never be angry if you don’t text be because your busy” rafe took my hand rubbing his soft thumb across it. “Its not you rafe-its me” i looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

“Whatever’s bothering you, you can talk to me I’ll always listen to you, i love you y/n” “I want to tell you- but im so scared you’ll think im being stupid” “stupid would be the last thing id associate you with” he shook his head vigorously.

“Before you- before i even knew you i was dating this guy, he was like the complete opposite of you he was mean and selfish and he didn’t trust me and i was so blind to it all back then” i half laughed while wiping a tear away. “He would tell me I couldn’t wear things like- um the red bikini i wore today because I looked too fat or- or he’d get piss at me if other boys looked at me, or if I didn’t text him back, when he got angry he would just- degrade me”

“He called me stupid and ugly and shallow- and other awful words rafe and i still stayed with him because i was so fucking blind even though it hurt me every time. I didn’t think i was really effected after we broke up but when i got into a relationship with you i didn’t know how to act, i just became scared that I wasn’t good enough i just wanted to make sure that you were happy because I can’t lose you and I couldn’t go through that again” i ranted completely crying my eyes out now. Rafe opened his mouth but I needed to say one more thing.

“I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to think i was comparing you to him because im not I promise, i think i just have some major trauma” i laughed at the end to help myself feel better.

Out of nowhere rafe leaned in to hug me. And i just broke down even more, crying on his broadshoulder. “Im so sorry you went through that” he whispered in my ear, his hand held my head safely in his shoulder. “You don’t deserve that y/n your beautiful and your body is perfect, you light up any room you walk into and if he couldn’t see all of that in you then he didn’t deserve you” rafe told me.

My crying slowly came to a stop and i dried my eyes looking back at his face now. “You don’t need to be sorry rafe” i shook my head. “You make me feel special every day, you make me feel loved and like im enough, you make me feel happy but most of all you make me feel safe” i raised my hand to his face.

“I mean i didn’t even know what a forehead kiss was until i met you- there my favourite” i confessed laughing quietly. “Its not your fault you know that right, some people just aren’t brought up right- how someone could do that to someone as bright as you i don’t understand” he told me softly.

“Your feeling are valid and i will help you get over this because you are enough y/n. And i will never ever treat you like that, whatever happens” rafe shook his head “i love you rafe, so much” “i love you too y/n, so much” he smiled pulling me close to kiss my forehead. He knew now.

“What was his name” rafe asked me after a few seconds. “No rafe” i shook my head smirking, knowing exactly what he was getting at. “y/n what was his name” rafe asked me again seriously. “It doesn’t matter” “of course it matters he cant get away with talking to you like that, putting you through that toxicity”

“It doesn’t Because he’s my past and your my future i don’t want to remember him or anything that happened” “fine, you don’t have to tell me but if we run into him or if he sends you once little message even if he fucking likes your insta photo i will kick the shit out of him” rafe told me with closed fists and no hint of a joke. He wasn’t joking i knew he wasn’t. “Okay” i nodded rubbing his cheek trying to calm him down.

“Im so glad that weights lifted and we’ve spoken through it” “so am i hun, so am i” rafe held the hand that was on his face.

“Do you still want to go out? We can still get that take away” “no way I didn’t dress up this hot to just take it off again” i shook my head smirking standing up now. “Thats the spirit” rafe joined me standing now. “You sure your okay?” He checked once more.

“Of course i am im with you, im safe”.

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moonlightdancer26 · 7 months ago

Note

HELLO!!! okay so i’ve recently gotten my severus obsession back and i’ve been writing fics nonstop lol, i was wondering if you could give me some constructive criticism on this fic im planning to publish about eileen and severus accidentally on purpose killing tobias and fleeing to greece.

this is the first part of it

P.S trigger warning for some religious imagery and abuse

ONCE UPON A TIME, when the marks on his back were still fresh, Severus had told himself that he was growing wings.

After all, his mother thought he was an angel, even if his father said he had the devil in him. Severus had never done anything to make his father think that, but the man claimed he could see the shadow in the boy’s eyes. And whenever he caught a glimpse of it, he’d take Severus by the arm and lead him out to the private chapel that sat beside their clapboard house.

Severus used to love the little chapel—it had the prettiest picture window, all red and blue and green stained glass, facing east so it caught the morning light. The floor was made of stone—cold beneath Severus's bare feet, even in summer—and there in the center of the room lay a metal cross, driven straight down into the foundation.

Severus remembered thinking it seemed violent, the way the cross broke and split the floor, as if thrown from a horrible height. The first time his father saw the shadow, he had kept one hand on Severus's shoulder as they walked, the other clutching a coiled leather strap.

Severus's mother watched them go, laid in her own pool of blood. “Tobias,” she had whispered shakily, just once, her own body tattered in violet, blues, greens and reds, but Severus's father didn’t look back, didn’t stop until they’d crossed the narrow lawn and the chapel door had fallen shut behind them. Tobias had told Severus to go to the cross and hold on to the horizontal bar, and at first Severus had refused, sobbing, pleading, trying to apologize for whatever he’d done.

But it didn’t help.

His father tied Severus's hands in place, and beat him worse for his defiance.

Severus had been nine years old.

Later that night, his mother had treated the angry lash-marks on his back, and told him that he had to be strong. That Magic tested them, and so did his father. Her sleeves had inched up as she draped cool strips of cloth over her son’s wounded shoulders, and Severus could just see the edges of old scars on the backs of her arms painted over by the newest ones as she told him it would be okay, told him it would get better.

And for a little while, it always did.

Severus would do everything he could to be good, to be worthy. To not let the magic, the darkness, inside him out. He did everything to avoid his angry father’s gaze.

But the calm never lasted.

Sooner or later, his father would glimpse the magic in his son again, see the darkness pooling in those unnatural black eyes of his, and lead Severus back to the chapel. Sometimes the beatings were months apart. Sometimes days.

Sometimes Severus thought he deserved it. Needed it, even. He would step up to the cross, and curl his fingers around the cold metal cross, and pray—not to God, not to Magic, not at first, but to his father.

He prayed that his father would stop seeing whatever he saw, while he carved new feathers into the torn wings of Severus's back. Severus learned not to scream, not to let his magic lash out, but his eyes would still blur with tears, the colors in the stained glass running together until all he saw was light.

He held on to that, as much as to the steel cross beneath his fingers.

Severus would chant the words his mother taught him, to silence his mind and block out the pain.

Nothing is good or bad without first being determined so by the mind.

Pain cannot touch the mind.

Fear is subservient to the mind.

No wall can imprison the mind.

The body is the vessel and the anchor of the mind.

The mind is both one and multiple.

The mind has many rooms.

Memories half-forgotten and secrets long locked away.

In these natural protective barriers lies the power of the Occlumens.

The Occlumens must divide himself from his weaknesses.

The Occlumens must divide himself from unfulfilled desires.

The Occlumens must not permit a thought that could become a weapon to his enemy.

The Occlumens must place his trust in the strength of his mind.

A scarred mind is a protected mind.

Severus could never truly understand how he was broken, but he wanted to be healed.

If it meant that he would never have to endure such pain again.

He wanted to be saved.

And at last, his liberation came in the form of his father's lifeless eyes.

I’m so insanely and horrifyingly sleep-deprived and I’m on the brink of dying from exhaustion (this is a draft so now I’m in a much better state 😭) but AHAHHSHDJEHRJXKWKNRKFKSD I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE BACK !!!!!!! I MISSED YOU SMMMM I REMEMBER BEING HEARTBROKEN WHEN I REALISED I COULDN’T FIND YOUR ACCOUNT. Welcome back to the Snapedom 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

also WOW I literally read this with half-opened eyes and I still got chills all over my body 😭 I knew you were a great writer but DAMN. plus I LOVE fanfics where Tobias is a religious fanatic and considers witchcraft to be a sin, and he takes it out on Severus. It’s scarily realistic and it very much gives me Claude Frollo and Quasimodo/Esmeralda vibes. I love when people include these kind of themes in their stories/fanfics, so props for that! I genuinely don’t think I have any criticism to give you, I legit got chills all over my body as I was reading this. I think it’s a great idea and I enjoy the details you’ve added. I am not bluffing when I say you have EXTREME potential. If you publish any of your fics, I want you to RUSH to my inbox or DMs as soon as humanly possible 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Again, so glad you’re back!! Your writing is spectacular as per usual 🩷🩷🩷

#severus snape #pro snape #pro severus snape #snape #harry potter #hp #ask #asks

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psych0-str1ngs · 1 year ago

Text

Izzy Stradlin x reader- Kids

Authors note: I think this request was a great idea, so im getting on right quick, so anon, when you see this i hope you enjoy it!!!!

Warnings: not many just crying and kind of sad topics.

You were laying down in bed, reading a romance novel, particularly a chapter where kids were involved. You had always wanted a kid, that was for sure, and you knew that you wanted a kid with Izzy. You and Izzy had been dating for quite awhile now, so you thought it was time to mention kids to him. The idea of having a little one running around the house warmed your heart, you couldnt even count how many nights you day dreamed about seeing Izzy holding your baby, or seeing him teaching your kid how to play guitar.

It plagued your mind completely. You felt ready, and you thought he was too. You hear the door open and run downstairs to greet your boyfriend.

“Izzy!!” You giggled running up to him and hugging him.

“Hi sweetheart,” He smiled brightly at you.

“How was work?” You asked, staring up at him with a sweet smile.

“Stressful,” he sighed. “But its okay cuz im home now”

I nod and kiss his lips.

“I have something to talk about when you’re ready,” You said quietly.

“Let me take a shower then we can talk yeah?” He responded, pushing a stray piece of hair from your soft face.

“Of course,” you smiled and sat down on the couch watching Izzy walk up the stairs and to your shared bathroom.

Your legs shook, as you zoned out, slightly nervous. Zoning out you stared at the floor, not even realizing how much time was passing. Izzy’s heavy footsteps broke you out of your hypnotic state and you looked at his wet hair, smiling at how untamed it looked.

“Hi honey,” you said, playing with the gold ring on your middle finger.

“Hi babe,” He sat down next to you on the long couch. “What’d you wanna talk about it”

“Well,” I turned to face him. “You know how we’ve been together for pretty long”

He nodded in response, his dark eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“I…” you trailed off, being way more nervous than anticipated. “I want to start thinking about having kids?”

His smile dropped, and he looked at me.

“Kids?” He said quietly. “I uh”

Your heart had dropped to your stomach. “Y-yeah kids”

“I don’t know Y/n,” he started.

“You dont want kids?” You stood up, sounding hurt.

“No no its not that I just” he started, you cut him off.

“Are you serious?” Your eyes welled up. “You really dont want kids with me?”

He stood up

“I do!” He stopped for a second. “I dont? I dont know y/n.”

A tear rolled down your cheek.

“I thought you loved me,” you bottom lip quivered as you spoke.

“I do y/n” He grabbed at your hands, looking offended when you pulled them away.

“Then why wont you think about it” you snapped.

“Because we’re so young y/n! I mean, we’d make horrible parents,” He said, getting just a little bit louder.

“You dont even know that!” You yelled at him. “I cant believe you’d say that Jeffrey.”

He looked sad, and confused, he looked angry, but not at you. He sighed.

“I gotta go,” He said turning on his heel and grabbing his car keys.

“Wow,” you said. “Real mature izz, real mature”

“Whatever,” He slammed the door shut.

You ran up to your bedroom and slammed the door before sitting on your bed and sobbing your eyes out.

Meanwhile, Izzy was driving to his bandmates house, Steven. If anybody had romance advice it’d definitely be him. Izzy turned into Steven’s drive way before walking up the doorbell and ringing it.

“Dude hey!” Steven said, opening the door immediately.

“I need advice,” Izz looked at him sadly.

“Oh come in,” He said confused, walking to the couch. “Whats up?”

Izzy looked down at the floor before speaking.

“Y/n told me she wants kids,” He started.

“Anddd?” Steven sat with his fist pressed against his head, holding it up. “What’d you tell her?”

“I told her i didnt know,” Izzy looked down at the floor again. “Its not that I dont want kids, and its not that I dont want kids with HER. Im just so terrified of being a bad father you know?”

Steven nodded, intently listening.

“I’d love to see you/n as a mother to my children, god she’d be amazing at it. But the last thing I want is to ruin her and our kids life. You know what if the band goes on more tours and U have to leave for extended periods? Or what if i slip up and drink too much. Im so scared of hurting her or our future kids”

“Well first of all, you can always bring them with us, and secondly, you’d be a great dad, and besides, do you really think she’d mad for one tiny mistake? I mean dude have you seen the way she looks at you?” Steven replied.

“I’ve noticed, and I really adore her. Im just… totally scared” Izzy sighed.

“Have you told her that man?” He asked, looking at Izz.

“I dont want her to judge me,” He shook his head.

“Trust me, i dont think theres a single ounce in that woman that could judge you.” Steven laughed, patting his shoulder. “Go home and try again”

“Yeah yeah you’re right man,” izzy got up. “Thanks I really own you one dude.”

“You sure do,” Steven walked Izzy to the door.

They said their goodbyes and Izzy left for home.

—-

You lied your shared bed. You had put your hair up, mascara staining your cheeks, your nose was seven shaded of red. You had been crying the whole time Izzy was gone. The nights events’ replaying continuously replaying in your head.

You heard the front door open and close, but chose to ignore it, simply rolling over and facing the wall away from the bedroom door.

“Honey?” Izzy’s soft voice spoke out.

“Fuck off,” you said, curling into a ball.

Izzy opened the door and sat behind you, removing his shoes before laying down and turning to face your back. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the back of your neck. You pulled away lightly.

“Can we please talk?” He asked quietly, his strong hand on her shoulder.

You turned around and sat up, sitting in front of Izzy.

“What.” You said.

“Im really sorry,” He looked deep into your eyes. “The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, you mean the world to me. Truth is i’ve always wanted kids with you, it’d warm my heart so much to see you pregnant with our baby, and stuff. Im just so scared of messing it up”

Your eyes softened as your right hand reached out to his face.

“What do you mean?” You pouted. “You’d make an amazing dad.”

“What if i have to go on tour? Or if i drink too much, i dont want to make any mistakes and hurt your or our child.” His eyes slightly turned red. “I love way too much to let that happen”

“Never in a million years would I think you’d hurt me or our future kid. It’d make me so happy to see you as a dad, you be amazing at it. I think you’re the perfect guy, and making mistakes is okay, especially as first time parents,” Your hand stroked his cheek.

“I want to try y/n” He spoke.

“Really?” Your eyes widened.

“Yes,” his eyes found yours.

You jumped on him and pushed him down to the mattress, pressing soft kisses all over his face.

“I love you izz,” you looked down at him. “A lot, no matter what”

“I love you too y/n” His eyes sparkled up at you.

#izzy stradlin imagine #izzy stradlin x reader #izzy stradlin #izzy gnr #guns n roses imagines #guns n roses fic

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nickscodthoughtsblog · 15 hours ago

Text

To Understand (König/Nikto)

The inevitable followup to Shot in the Dark. this time they get to talk a lot more and Nikto helps his new friend understand his situation. i did some research to understand dissociative disorders myself, but if there's some stuff that's not right, i apologise, im still learning. enjoy!!

He didn't get a lot of chances to speak to Nikto again after the first time. He was either busy, or Nikto was gone. Two days later, Krueger was back, safe and victorious. It was kind of nice to see the Russian not sitting alone. But König couldn't figure him out. He referred to himself as we. He could understand they and them, but we? Outside of a group setting, it didn't work. He was missing something.

He was walking towards the gym when he ran into Krueger, only stopping when he felt his hand on his shoulder. “King. One moment.” He stopped him, pulling him to the side of the hallway. König let him distract him from his thoughts, practically welcoming it until he spoke. “Nikto said you tried talking to him.”

“I didn't try.” König was a little put off by the wording. “We talked for…not very long, granted…”

“Exactly. You tried.” Krueger replied, a hint of smugness mixed with his accent. “Not my point.”

“Did I upset him?”

“Nein, nein…he was the smallest bit happy when he told me.” He paused, putting his hands on his own waist. “What the hell did you say to him?” It was like he was imitating an angry mother telling a child off for being a bad influence.

“Almost nothing. I got his name, and said it was good to meet him.” König explained. “Is it wrong he's slightly happier?”

Krueger huffed a little. “You're misreading me, and you know it. I'm just wondering how you do it to everyone you talk to.”

That was…almost concerning, actually. “Do what?”

“Scheiße, King, you have got to notice it by now. You always have a good impact on everyone in KorTac. Even Nikto. He said his system kept thinking of you after you talked.”

König was about to quote his own mother in that “kindness goes a long way”, but that word caught him out. System… “His what?”

Krueger shrugged, his arms settling crossed across his chest. “It's what he calls it. Whatever it is. Haven't got a straight answer out of him.” So, Krueger doesn't even know everything about him either. God, did anybody besides the top brass know a damn thing about him!? “... you still there, King?”

He blinked, getting his thoughts in order. “Ja, ja. Do you know where Nikto is?”

“If he hasn't moved yet, he's…probably outside, near the training field?”

“Danke. See you later, Krueger.” And he left, nudging him accidentally as he walked past. Krueger had no time to ask what got into him.

It was cold out, but it didn't stop König from going out and finding Nikto sitting on a bench, by himself. “Nikto, there you are.” He greeted him as he came to a stop next to him. “Mind if I join you?”

Nikto looked up at him, studying his face for a moment. “... feel free, König.” He watched him sit, not uncomfortably close, and not awkwardly far. “Did you need something?”

“Oh, nein, it's just been a while since we talked.”

“It's been two days.”

“Ja…that is while, isn't it?”

A small huff. Amusement, he thought. “Mm. You're right.” It was strangely relaxing to hear.

But then it went back to quiet between them. Kὅnig wasn’t really sure how to bring up his questions about this system of his. Not yet, at least. “Say, Nikto.” He caught his attention, those distant eyes turning to him. “It’s pretty cold out, isn’t it?”

“A little.” He took a moment, looking up at the cloudy sky. “...do you think we’ll get snow?”

“I don’t know.” Kὅnig joined him in watching the clouds slowly drift above. It was quite calming to sit here and watch them with him. “Would you want it to?”

“...да. We like snow.” he replied, only pausing for a moment, like he was thinking. Maybe he was seeing what his system wanted him to tell Kὅnig. “It’s…calming. Like a gentle blanket. I like it undisturbed, smooth…это нас расслабляет.” A few seconds go by, before he glanced over, noticing the slightly confused look in the Austrian’s eye. “You don’t know russian, do you?”

“Ah, nein…” he rubbed the back of his neck under his sniper hood.

“Neither does Krueger.” Nikto looked back up at the sky. “Helps to…hide things from him.”

“Hide things?”

“Things some of us don’t want him to know.”

“You mean your system?” Kὅnig couldn’t hold his tongue fast enough.

Nikto’s eyes snapped over to him. “...did Krueger tell you about that?” He nodded a little, slightly nervous he overstepped. “...сука…”

“I’m sorry, should I have not said that?”

“Not your fault.” Nikto grumbled, adjusting and sitting up a bit more. He held out his hand. “Your phone.” He was a little annoyed, but was glad Kὅnig didn’t resist, taking out his phone and unlocking it before placing it in his hand. He sighed, and typed something into the browser before handing it back.

Kὅnig read over the page. “...dissociative disorders?”

“I was diagnosed a few years ago. Acute, as they put it.” He didn’t watch him read the information. “Don’t expect me to tell you how or why.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Good.”

It was a lot to take in. He spent a bit of time just scrolling and putting things together in his head. “...you didn’t have to tell me, you know.”

“Да. But better I tell you than Krueger.”

“So…he knows?” The Austrian looked back over to Nikto, curiosity in his eyes. “He said he couldn’t get a straight answer…”

“Of course. We told him not to tell anyone.” he huffed. “He missed the part where we meant any of it.”

“Ah. Well, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.”

Nikto paused, looking over to him once more. “...thank you.”

“Of course.” He didn’t want to make him uncomfortable after all. “So, do you like winter then?”

“...it brings some comfort to us.” Nikto replied, not taking his eyes off the tall man. He only nodded a little in return, not pushing it but seemingly open to hear more. “One of them finds peace in the cold. Comfort.” He settled, letting himself be a bit more open.

“I can see that.” Kὅnig replied, nodding. “It can be nice to watch the snow fall.”

“Да. She thinks so too.”

Kὅnig thought for a moment. “Would you mind if I…ask some questions about your, uh…system?”

“Why?” was his immediate response.

“So I can avoid offending you.” He didn’t expect him to respond so…genuinely.

“Go on.” He didn’t see the harm, though he was tentative.

And they sat there, not minding the cold as Nikto answered some of Kὅnig’s questions. Things like “What do you call the others in your system?” and “They have different genders?” were simple to answer, and he was more than comfortable to. There were more sensitive questions he was unsure about, but the big man didn’t try to coax anything out of him. As soon as he saw the uncertain look in his eyes, he stopped, giving a small apology and changing the topic for a bit. Krueger had mentioned he had an odd talent for getting on everyone’s good side. He had thought he was just forcing everyone to be his friend. But just from how he didn’t press hard topics, it…didn’t seem that way.

Nikto didn't bother to keep track of the time on a good day, but it felt like it was flying by. Questions and answers between brief pauses, information not only given, but received. It seemed like every answer he gave paid for a small story in return. For telling him about the therapy he went through after his diagnosis, he received a description of Kὅnig’s own sessions for his social anxiety - how a man bold enough to approach him for conversation could have anxiety was strange, but he was in no position to judge. A short explanation of how his alters work, for a more light-hearted story of the cookies Kὅnig’s mother made for his birthdays. It was nice to hear that he had a family life that wasn't in tatters.

Ten minutes ago it didn't even seem like he was fishing for details on the disorder. He focused more on how Krueger became close to Nikto, and went on to tell him about his friendship with the others in the PMC. One long tangent. Even now, he was recounting the times Horangi had placed bets with him over seemingly random things. Unfortunately, his phone buzzed, an alarm reminding Nikto to get something to eat. Kὅnig stopped when he saw the masked man close his eyes and sigh. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing is. I have to go get food.” He stood up.

“Have you not eaten yet?” He seemed pretty shocked, checking his phone. “It's six in the afternoon, Nikto!”

“We lost track of time. It's fine.” He dismissed it. “One thing, though.” He stepped closer to him, staring him in the eyes. “Do not tell anyone what we have told you. Да?”

“I promise.”

He kept staring into his eyes, just to see if he was lying. He didn't seem like he was. “Good. Just making sure.” His hand came up, solidly patting his shoulder twice as he walked past him. “See you, Kὅnig.”

Even as he left, he was glad the big man had decided to try. He was almost, in some way, disappointed the talk ended.

Maybe it could go on longer next time they spoke.

#owls blurb #call of duty #cod #konig #könig #könig call of duty #könig cod #cod nikto #call of duty nikto #nikto cod #mwii nikto #nikto

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gay-dorito-dust · 2 years ago

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Part 7 of deadweight, please?? It’s such a good series!

Vax, Vex, Keyleth and Percy were quick to abandon the original plan in finding the vestige in the hopes of finding you and so far they weren’t so lucky.

Every dark shade that they’d believe to be you was a mere fluke in a realm where it felt like you were on some strange LSD acid trip 24/7. They didn’t know how you could split off from them when you were right next to them through the journey here.

Keyleth believed that it might’ve been the realm, taking offence to your position as the raven queens champion. It was a plausible reason seeing how everything reacted negatively towards you lately.

Vax, Vex and Percy however collectively agreed that their Druid party member just had a bad spell casting capabilities. She was making an attempt which is what counts.

“Do you think they’ll ever forgive us?” Keyleth asked the question that was truly on everyone’s mind but they all knew the answer to that too.

“No.” Vax answered bluntly, “they’d be pissed if our method of reconciliation with them was to sweep all the shit we’ve done to them under the rug.”

“That’ll be the equivalent of kicking a man while he’s down.” Percy pitched in, “We’d be disregarding their feelings and experiences if we did that.”

“So our only option in making it up to them is to acknowledge that we were cunts and promise to be better for the future.” Vex finished as they continued to delve deeper into the woods. “Wherever they are,” she continues, “I hope they’re alright.”

[with you]

“VAX, VEX, KEYLETH, PERCY! IM GOING TO KILL YOU! AND THEN KILL YOU AGAIN!” You screamed as you ran further into a dense, dead forest to escape from the murderous vegetation that had been trailing you. All you did was step on some weird looking flower! You apologised afterwards! What more could they fucking want!

When you didn’t hear the rampaging horde of angry plants did you dare to look back to see that they had seemingly lost sight of you and gave up the hunt in order to head back home. “Weird.” You said to yourself, sheathing your daggers but before you were about to continue trekking the foreign land for your party members.

a voice called out to you from deep within the forest, causing you to become in some sort of trance as though your body was no longer yours to control anymore as you could only watch yourself walk through the dead forest, through some sickly looking swamp of thick black goo like substance as though it were water.

“You’re friends aren’t coming to save you my dear,” the voice said. “They’re too preoccupied with the vestige to worry about your well being.” It then chuckled before continuing, “your need for companionship is quite pathetic. You feel alone whenever you in a room with the rest of your party. Alienated, ostracised, outcasted from the group of outcasts.”

“I, however, can provide you all the companionship you will ever need, all you need to do is come to me. Come to me. Come to me. Come to me.”

Your body did as this voice told you as you watched it reach a dead tree trunk that opened up with an ominous red glow. As soon as you stepped inside, the tree was quick to close up behind you, sealing you in with whatever monster laid inside.

“That’s not good.” Warned a horned mystery figure with fiery hair sat upon a rock. “I must tell their friends that their little warrior mate is in danger, grave danger should they hear out Saurndor terms and conditions.” With a blink of an eye, the figure had dissipated in thin air.

[back to vox maxhina]

They’ve searched

And searched

But they had yet to still find evidence that you weren’t dead in a ditch somewhere but Percy, Vax, Vex and Keyleth believed that they were getting close, though how close was close was still up for debate.

“Ugh! They could be anywhere by now!” Vex cries as she and the others crossed a riven, annoyed at the lack of progress. How could they miss a armoured figure with black feathered shoulder pads in a realm of eye straining, migraine inducing colour?!

Either you were trying to find them also or…Vex didn’t want to think about the other option. They’ve lost you once, they were determined to never loose you again. They still had unresolved problems to put to rest.

“They couldn’t have possibly gone to Syngorn?” Percy asked, looking back they way they came as though waiting to see your silhouette encroach in on them but nothing. The gunslinger sighs in disappointment and dissatisfaction as he pinched the skin between his brows.

“Fat chance.” A unknown voice told them.

Percy, Vax, Vex and Keyleth turned to look who it was only to see a fiery haired being with horns sat not too far from them, notebook in hand.

Vax was quick to pull of his dagger, “who are you and what have you done with y/n?” He threatens but the horned male merely laughed as though he was threatened with a stick rather then a sharpened piece of forgery.

“I haven’t done anything to them, but Lord Saundor will should you fail to reach them in time.” He muses, still drawing in his little notebook.

“What is that meant to mean?” Percy said gutturally, holding his gun at the being who seemingly knew your whereabouts. “Who’s Saundor?”

“That’s for you to know and for you to find out.” The figure cheeked before pointing towards the dead forest that Keyleth, Vax, Vex and Percy seemed to somehow miss in their mission of searching for you.

“They’re currently under his trance. I should’ve told them to not listen to him but by the time I got to them, they were already walking right into his trap. Poor thing, whatever ails them must take a heavy toll on them.”

Vax, Vex, Percy and Keyleth looked to each other in shame and sorrow. Whatever this saurdon did to you, must’ve been using your most deeply desired against you, they had indirectly made you dispensable to him and now this was their chance to make up for everything by saving you.

“Lead us there and we’ll think about letting you live.” Vex said.

“VEX, VAX, KEYLETH, PERCY! IM GOING TO KILL YOU! AND THEN KILL YOU AGAIN!”

“VAX, VEX, KEYLETH, PERCY! IM GOING TO KILL YOU! AND THEN KILL YOU AGAIN!”

“VAX, VEX, PERCY, KEYLETH! IM GOING TO KILL YOU! AND THEN KILL YOU AGAIN!” You screamed as you ran into a forest area with weird looking plants trailing you with murderous intent.

“VEX, VAX, KEYLETH, PERCY! I WILL KILL YOU! AND THEN KILL YOU AGAIN!” You screamed as you ran deeper into a weird looking forest area with even weirder looking plants tailing after you with murderous intent.

“VEX, VAX, PERCY, KEYLETH IM GOING TO KILL YOU! AND THEN KILL YOU AGAIN!” You screamed as you ran as fast as your legs could carry you deeper into the woods as weird freaking plant fucks were tailing you

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a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire · 9 months ago

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Hellow, i just reblogged that post about the cauldron loving elain and I have been seized with a need to figure out what the hell is going on with that so I shall read one (1) chapter if acomaf to bring me closer to my goal. For the record, I did know about the cauldron loving elain and hating nesta because idk, nesta was angry and annoying when she was dunked into it but elain was just so sweet and demure about it probably, i did not think it was. romantic love. but this is a sjm book so I was foolish to assume there would be a male character whos not insanely horny. Actually, is the cauldron even male? He is in the german version but thats just bc the word cauldron is masculine grammatically. Quick someone draw like, a tumblr sexyman humanized version of the cauldron. actually no, tumblrsexymen are traditionally twinks and sjm hates those. Quick someone draw like, a super buff shirtless man with golden hair, or whatever the color of the cauldron is

anyway, PREVIOUSLY ON: THE FLAMES AND DARKNESS LIVEBLOG we had the Court on Nightmares Under The Mountain Reenactment Scene as I like to call it and can we talk about how Feyre has known Rhys for like a year and only liked him for like half a year and yet she was perfectly fine sitting in his lap nacked and letting herself be sexualized by him. Like, I dont even have any kind of sexual trauma, you would still need to build up sooooo many years of friendship and good will for me to do that for you and you would NOT be allowed to jerk me off!! whatever, lets get on with this, its time for chapter 43

I hate that Rhysand is being all like "i shouldnt have brought you, i didnt want you to see this side of me" when its like, buddy you didnt have to do all this shit you couldve just walked in an been like "Im your high lord and demand your orb" and they wouldve given it to you because youre their high lord and youre demanding their orb. And if he thought they wouldnt have given it to him, he couldve easily come up with a different distraction he just went with the one that sexualizes Feyre because hes weirdo. Like, if hes so cruel on every other day then he shouldve acted really nicely, greeted Keir by giving him the biggest hug and being like "uncleeeee!! :D long time no see :)" and Feyre should have been dressed up as like, the embodiment of spring in pastel green soft shades of pink and but Rhysand still treats with the utmost kindness and respect, now that would throw the Hewn City for a loop

Okay so the reason Rhys broke keirs arm is because the word 'whore' triggered him which is understandable but like, Feyre thought of herself as the Highlords Whore in a very deliberate parallel to Rhysand being known as Amarantha's Whore and Im pretty sure she even straightup thought something about being in the position he had for so many years but she was like, horny about it and the narrative just isnt acknowledging it. Like, theyre not talking about it even though their mindlink was presumably open the whole time bc I remember them flirting through the link, and Feyre isnt even like "oh man, I feel bad for thinking that when its so upsetting to him" its so weird

Rhysand basically said "I will never try to protect you by locking you away, instead I will protect you by killing anyone who upsets you, even when they dont actually upset you and they just upset me" like he and Tamlin are not fundamentally any different from each other, its just that Rhysand is a coldblooded murderer. but its fine cuz he wears black leather i guess

I just realized. Rhysand had a boner when Feyre was sitting in his lap. did that go away when he broke Keirs arm or did he walk out of that meeting with his dick fully hard

Listen, maybe its just because its 3am and Im a little sleepdeprived but this conversation barely makes any sense, these bozos are just completely talking past each other at this point

Rhysand just said something about how Tamlin just locked Feyre up and let her waste away and almost die and Feyre was gonna say "He was trying his best" but Rhys interrupted her like "Dont compare me to him, stop comparing us" when she didnt say anything about that ??? my guy is projecting so hard rn he thinks theyre having a conversation that theyre not even having

And like i would argue that Feyre doesnt even compare Rhysand and Tamlin that much, the narrative definitely does it a LOT, but Ive been reading Feyres thoughts throughout this whole ordeal and I feel like she barely even thought about Tamlin since she sent him that letter

This scene is supposed this big turning point for their relationship and its clearly meant to be really emotional but the only emotion i can feel rn is annoyance with Rhysand because its like, he did have genuinely traumatic things that happened to him but not only is he barely affected by any of them, those are not even the things that the narrative brings up whenever its trying to get me to sympathise with him instead its always just "whaaaaaaa everyone thinks Im nasty and evil just because i keep doing nasty and evil things T-T"

Feyre is being very cruel but in a kinda funny way because its directed at Rhysand rn, i would insert the quote but I am in no state to translate anything at the moment but shes basically like "of course you have to hide your true self from your friends, they wouldnt wanna hang out with otherwise, you burden"

Idk why but the prose being like "my arrow struck him too deep" is so funny to me, it has the same energy as the vampire fics i read where the weird gay one gets his heart broken and he goes "it wouldve hurt less if he staked me in the heart"

Feyre is like "i cant believe he was so vulnerable and shared his sorrows with me and just threw all of it in his face" and I could not give less of a shit, but ive been on a big emotional abuse kick lately so now Im thinking about what if Feyre was just faking having feelings for Rhys in order to make him fall in love with her and be vulnerable with her only to then tell him the truth and reject the mating bond and make him completely break down as revenge for UTM. now that would actually be empowering

Now Feyre is thinking about how shes been using Rhysand for a long time now and come onnnnnn there is such a big power difference between them, I genuinely think its basically impossible for her to do that. Like, hes the most powerful guy in the history of guys or whatever, if anything you were doing bothered him that much he could simply make you stop doing it. hm. now Im thinking about what if rhysand was actually a huge masochist. Now that would actually be hot

Feyre is talking about how all the members of the inner circle suffered and are traumatized and theyve all learned to live with it and, not to extend too much sympathy to Rhysand, but all of the ICs major traumatic events happened centuries ago, his traumatic event happened one (1) year ago and it lasted 49 years i think its gonna take a little more time till hes all better

ughhhhhhh dont remind me of Amrens stupid romance subplot im gonna kill myself

Starfall is called Die Nacht der fallenden Sterne [the night of the calling stars] in german which is so much cooler and more whimsical, shoutout to my gal pal Alexandra Ernst for attempting to reinsert atleast a little bit of whimsy into this joyless world

Also, apparently its expected that Rhysand spend the first starfall in fifty years with his people, his people in this case referring to the Verlarians in the city that no one knows exists and not the people living in his courts actual capital. then again, i guess those bozos are all trapped under a mountain and wouldnt be able to watch it anyway so who cares

Amren said "hes not lucky to have us, we're lucky to have him" like yeah, hes paying you all exorbitant salaries just for being his buddies

God, amrens jacking rhys off so hard rn I cant believe she didnt wanna have sex with him when he asked

btw Im not even gonna dignify all that vaguely meta bullshit about how Tamlin is the golden prince and rhysand is the villain in the stories but the villain in stories is the guy who locks maidens away in towers and rhys freed her with anx kind of commentary because its just stupid, its just sjm bashing you over the head with how subversive she is when Tamlin and Rhysand are basically the same guy with different aesthetics at this point, like Feyre is not making a choice between the goodboy hero and the badboy villain, shes making a choice between a Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold (green) and a Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold (black)

#anti acotar #anti acomaf #anti rhysand #anti feysand #flames and darkness liveblog

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