#WEIRD assumptions that a 1:1 literal translation would be better than a translation that people with a different language and culture will

[spitblaze]

>looking into the official English release of Japanese media

>fandom says the translation is horrible

>ask them if the translation is actually bad or if it was just localized

>they don't understand

>pull out illustrated diagram showing what is a bad translation and what is localization

>they laugh and say 'it's a bad translation'

>check it out anyway

>it's localized

[astronicht]

Heya, long time tolkien fan with almost no knowledge about old english writings whatsoever here.

Could you explain what the Iron House Motif is? Saw you mentioning it in one of your posts, tried to google it, found pretty much nothing?

I mean i can kinda see what you mean about that but if you have an explanation or any examples that would be great!

Also, i love reading your lotr posts, they add so much stuff and background knowledge :)

A few people asked this regarding this silly post, and yeah it appears "iron house motif" is not a super googleable concept (i ran into it in an academic publication from 1993). Fortunately @pethaucwiar has described what it is, better than I could!

To this I'd add two things, which is that it's also pretty common in Old Norse sagas, and that iirc it sometimes also includes a house literally made of iron, so instead of burning down around your enemies, you also have the option of sticking them in a giant forge and then closing the door. This will be important later. Though honestly, you can stop here, the rest is extras.

Regarding Eowyn, there are famous variants where a woman burns her husband/enemies in a hall for revenge, in an act of self-destruction. (So-- I know she doesn't! But you see a hall, you see a woman, you get told to leave your weapons--)

The problem is, the scene I was joking about in LOTR is very much set in Rohan, and any scene in Rohan is hitting you over the head repeatedly, yelling EVERYONE HERE IS SPEAKING OLD ENGLISH. WE ARE IN AN OLD ENGLISH STORY. And the iron house motif doesn't come up much in Old English. In fact, the general fan assumption seems to be that the hall of Rohan is supposed to mimic Heorot, the hall in Beowulf (Beowulf being, famously, a story in Old English involving a big pretty hall with a king who needs an outside hero's aid; pretty clear-cut) -- over here someone argued persuasively on the same post that it's supposed to be a 1:1 comparison, and thus doesn't suggest any burning halls or iron halls etc.

A little on that! First off, Tolkien braids together his storyworlds constantly, so I'm never going to be sure that he's not going to turn a Beowulf-y hall into a burning revenge hall. But even if you read Rohan's hall as strictly 1:1 Beowulf's hall, approaching it is still kinda a stressful moment. Especially bc Beowulf is actually a really really weird example of Old English stories, where revenge hall burning feels closer than in any other OE text. For lots of reasons! None of its stories are set where people spoke Old English -- they’re set on the Continent and In The Past, purposefully referring to Germanic and Scandinavian storyworlds (where people like Eowyn, lacking any other agency, might burn down everyone). Heorot is not a normal hall, either, bc most importantly for the defense of my earlier shitpost, Beowulf's hall is literally an iron house:

"but it was fastened within and without with iron bands, smithed with crafty thoughts."

(Rutgers transl. I was not joking about it being annoying to translate; unless forced I do not translate Beowulf)

Ac he þæs fæste wæs innan ond utan iren-bendum searo-þoncum besmiþod" (lines 773-4)

So that was the joke! And those iron-bands in the walls are actually being used to keep the monster in the hall so Beowulf could fight it. (Picture wattle-and-daub, but woven with iron rods instead of reeds. This was NOT a real thing archeologically)

Basically: even if Rohan's hall is Beowulf's Heorot, it can still be a medievalist horror film moment where you scream DON'T GO IN THERE if you try hard and love the game. But truly, it was just a silly little post at the expense of CS Lewis.

[beevean]

I studied Japanese to a comfortable level for translating it, and I studied theory of translation, so I want to add my two cents.

While including the original Japanese line to allow others to read it is a good practice, no, "guess I've got no choice" is a much better translation than "It can't be helped, after all".

If you break down the expression 仕様がない, it means literally "there is no way/remedy", with the implied "other". It's an expression that is roughly equivalent to "*sigh* fine". You say it when you're grumbling over doing something you don't want to do, but feel that you have to.

Which is how Sonic feels in this scene. He wanted to look for Tails, but Amy has suddenly run off to an amusement part with a robot chasing her. He doesn't want to leave her alone, so he sighs and reluctantly follows her.

I can perfectly see Windii's thought process when she wrote that line. "There is no way" -> "There is no choice" -> "I have no choice" ("there is" and "to have" are equivalent in Japanese) -> "Guess I've got no choice" (to make it sound more natural). There is no loss of nuance anywhere, and the dialogue sounds perfectly fine, unlike "It can't be helped, after all" which is 100% Google Translate and would take me out of the script if I saw it in an official translation.

Japanese and English are completely alien languages to each other, yes. This is why you have to bend the literal translation a little to make it flow, all while keeping the necessary implications.

How would you translate the Italian expression "arrampicarsi sugli specchi"? "Climbing on mirrors", that would sound incredibly weird in English because no one says it? Or "grasping at straws", which has nothing to do with the original line but keeps the same meaning of "trying hard yet futilely to defend yourself"?

Since I'm on the topic: Sonic also says "しょうがない、まったく" word for word when Tails crashes. In his case, it was translated as "What am I gonna do with you?", which is a perfectly fine way of translating it, even though it's not 1:1. It's once again a verbal equivalent of an exasperated sigh, because *sigh* Tails is up to his antics again, what can you do, alright let's go rescue him even though I wanted to nap here. It's with Amy that they went with the meanspirited way, by changing it into "That girl is such a pain!"/"I give up. She's so weird!".

This is an example of a faulty translation, that adds nuances that weren't there before. Sonic is not that annoyed with Amy to the point of talking badly about her. Which is why "guess I've got no other choice" works: it adds no more annoyance than what it's already there, and it sounds natural to the ear.

Yes, don't blindly trust fan translations, because no translation is perfect and people on the internet can't and shouldn't wave around their qualifications to offer their services. But you also can't expect people to either rely on the faulty adaptations that have warped the Western fandom's interpretations of the characters, or straight up study Japanese for years. I did it, because I had the chance. But for every instance of translation, yes, you have to accept that you have to trust them because they hold knowledge you don't hold, and that knowledge is not easy to acquire.

And you also have to accept that a 1:1 translation can work in a trivia way, but not in a serious adaptation where the script has to flow without sounding clunky or awkward or fake. "That girl is such a pain" flows well, but is not accurate, because the translator made an incorrect assumption of the context. "It can't be helped, after all" has zero extra nuance but it simply doesn't sound good, it's a very stock Japanese translation. "Guess I've got no choice" is a good compromise, and for those who don't know Japanese on a natural level, it has to work.

And by "look at the Japanese version" you mean "look at Windii's subtitles?" 🙄

THIS is the actual Japanese version

What he's saying could be translated as "It can't be helped, after all."

Don't say you're a Japanese purist if you don't know Japanese and you're just going off of someone's fan subs. Japanese is not a one to one language with English. The translations Windii chose to go with are not definitive representations of the Japanese version.

[a-queer-seminarian]

So sorry if this is breaking news to anyone, but: the Bible is ableist. Its pages hold some really shitty stuff about disabled persons.

...AND it’s also affirming of the goodness and wholeness of disabled persons, just as we are!

it turns out that among the many authors of the many texts collected into the Bible, there were differing views around what we now call disability!

so whenever disability comes up in a given passage, i can’t keep my brain from immediately trying to sort it: is it a Good Text for disabled persons, or a Bad Text?

i try to resist that easy binary, because the answer is usually somewhere in between. that certainly seems to be the case for this week’s lectionary reading from Mark 9.

there’s so much wild stuff in Jesus’s little monologue in this lectionary passage, but let’s start with verses 43-47 (my rough translation incoming):

If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it all the way off; it is better for you to enter into The Life impaired than, while having two hands, to go away into the gehenna, into the unquenchable fire.

And if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it all the way off! It is better for you to enter into The Life limping than, while having two feet, be cast into the gehenna.

And if your eye should cause you to stumble, cast it out; it is better for you to enter into the Kingdom of God one-eyed than, while having two eyes, be cast into the gehenna, where their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched. For everyone will be salted with fire.

oh lord, not the hell talk!! anything but hell talk!! this whole passage bristles with a million ways to misuse it. (homophobia cw: anyone else ever get told “if your sexuality causes you to sin, cut it off — this passage is proof gay people should be celibate!” just me?)

now, my focus is on what Jesus says here about disability, but as we talk about that, better ways of reading the text will come up. for instance, that last verse about how everyone will be salted with fire? to me, that suggests Jesus’ vision of this “gehenna” place does NOT = the standard Christian idea of hell. first off, it’s a place not of punishment, but purification — which is a word heavy with baggage these days...what if I say “reformation” instead? And if that’s the case, i imagine one’s stay there isn’t eternal — why bother reform people who are gonna be shut off in a fire-filled jail forever?

once those fires “purify” you, i imagine your stay is through and off you go into “The Life,” because you’ll finally be ready for it. so that’s one option for getting ready for The Life / The Kingdom of God — or, Jesus says, you can opt instead to get rid of the things that “cause you to stumble” in advance by......cutting off a limb or gouging out an eye??

now. i could be wrong but. if we start by taking this text as literally as possible, with physical stumbling and a physical limb-removal taking place......wouldn’t it be easier to avoid tripping if you’ve got two eyes to see obstacles with, two feet to step over potholes with?? even today when prosthetics are sometimes an option, there’s an adjustment period where you have to relearn walking.

so it seems that Jesus is making one of his trademark statements meant to subvert expectations -- the last will be first, the foolish are proven wise, and those with two feet are more likely to stumble. chances are, he’s not speaking literally. it’s not your literal foot or hand you should be chopping off -- it’s a metaphor for something else.

but before we consider what exactly it’s a metaphor for...where does this ironic little twist leave actually disabled persons? is it shitty of Jesus to be using disability in this way? is this like his “blind leading the blind” & “spiritually blind” comments elsewhere in the Gospels, where he stamps a disability with a moral judgement?

yeah, i do think it’s kinda crappy to use real disabilities for an object lesson, for hyperbolic effect, for shock value. “better to be impaired” (even tho, the subtext seems to be, It Sucks To Be Impaired) “than end up in Gehenna. Trade one terrible thing for a still bad but not as bad thing!” My impulse is thus to throw this passage right into the Bad Text box —except!

Except, i feel like this text holds some positive implications about how Jesus viewed disability, too. 

First off, there’s the implication that one can enter into “The Life” — abundant life, “the world to come,” God’s Kingdom — while disabled. (i wish that were just a given, but it’s not; it’s actually exciting to hear confirmed!)

In the Hebrew Bible (the “Old Testament,” the scriptures we share with our Jewish neighbors, the texts that Jesus would have read and known), the most common assumption about disability is unfortunately that disability = imperfection, and imperfection is something that should be kept out of contact with God.

Now, there are authors & stories within the Hebrew Bible that offer a counter-narrative to that assumption! Two quick examples: Exodus 4 establishes Moses as having a speech impediment, yet he has many close encounters with the Divine. Meanwhile, in Isaiah 56:1-8, God not only welcomes in eunuchs — whom Deuteronomy 23:1 forbade from entering God’s Assembly — but even gives them a place of honor there!

So Jesus’s perspective is not brand new; he simply continues the counter-narrative that other Jewish rabbis and prophets established before him. Still, it is significant that he takes the status-quo-subverting perspective that actually, disability and wholeness are not at odds!

While Jesus’s primary aim with this little passage is not about disability, his weird self-disabling metaphor does imply an attitude of welcome for disabled persons, in that he seems to take it for granted that disabled persons are not barred from The Life of wholeness and abundance he’s talking about.

It’s obvious to him that they don’t even need to be made not-disabled to get there! (Plus, there is no suggestion that once there, one regrows one’s lopped-off limbs or eye / becomes abled again.) This isn’t the only time Jesus expresses this idea of disabilities present in God’s Kingdom, either — my fave is the parable of the banquet in Luke 14 (i have a whooole video about that passage, if you’re interested).

Moreover, Jesus’s closing remarks about salt — which at first glance seem to be something of a non sequitur — can be linked to the Gehenna fire stuff when it comes to the theme of im/purity. Let’s look at that last verse of the lectionary reading, which follows right after Jesus’s claim that “everyone will be salted with fire”:

“Salt is good; but if salt becomes unsalty, with what will you season it? Hold salt in yourselves, and keep peace with one another.”

Another weird little riddle from our favorite riddle-master. unsalty salt? instructions to stay salty?

One way to read this is to focus on the purifying and preserving uses of salt — the way it can keep food from going bad, which was particularly important in a time before refrigerators. in the previous verses, Jesus told his disciples what to cut off — anything that impedes them on the way into abundant Life. Now, he tells them what to hold on to — the stuff that, like salt, clean out harmful things and preserve helpful things, thus enabling abundant Life.

So yeah. In naming something culturally considered an imperfection — disability — as something that can easily enter The Life, no problem, Jesus is making an argument for what is truly impure, what truly impedes wholeness. And it’s not disability! ...So what is it? What are these stumbling blocks that Jesus likens to feet, hands, and eyes?

To find out, we have to rewind to the start of the lectionary reading, a comment from the disciple John that actually kicks off Jesus’s whole spiel:

John informed him, “Teacher, we saw someone throwing out demons in your name, and we stopped him, because he wasn’t following our way.”

But Jesus said, “Do not ever prevent him! For there is no one who will do a powerful work in my name, and will be quickly able to speak evil of me. For whoever is not against us, is for us. Whoever might give you a cup of water to drink because you are in Christ’s name, amen I say to you, that one will not utterly lose his reward.”

The disciples have a certain way of seeing the world, and their actions against someone who is not one of them, but still using Jesus’s name to cast out demons, show us what that way is. They see the world in terms of us vs. them, in vs. out, one right way and many wrong ways. It’s this perspective that impedes them from supporting other people’s kin(g)dom-building work when it differs from their own.

But Jesus tells them they need to stop thinking this way, and start recognizing that there isn’t just one road to the Kin(g)dom, but many — and to quote Jesus’s words from other parts of scripture, you’ll know that someone’s work is good when it produces good fruit. This dude might be doing things differently from how they do it, but the fruits of his efforts are good — the casting out of demons, which frees people up for new life. So don’t stop him — support him! Be glad for his work!

To sum up the entire passage now that I’ve laid it all out and shown how the seemingly-disjointed parts of Jesus’s speech connect, I see his argument as something like this: “That dude you tried to stop is not against us; we can see that by the consequences of his actions, which are positive! His goals are the same as ours, so don’t hinder him just because his path is different from yours! Now, here’s an example of people/behaviors that ARE against us: people who cause little ones to stumble. And you know what you should do with such stumble-makers (or else the stumble-causing behaviors/attitudes)? Cut them off. Let go of anyone or anything that keeps you from abundant life, from the liberation God intends for all. Meanwhile, hold on to the things which purify you like salt — the things that liberate you to enter wholeness. Do it now of your own accord, or accept that it’ll happen later, and it won’t be very fun.”

To reiterate what all of that has to do with disability theology, I’ll share what my friend Laura said when I brought all these ideas to them. (Laura is the host of the Autistic Liberation Theology podcast, which i highly recommend for anyone who wants to hear more Bible stories told through a disability lens!)

Laura noted how common perspectives around dis/ability lead people wrong today, impeding our liberation. Our society teaches us that in order to function as whole persons, we need to be able-bodied (and neurotypical), and that the kinds of accommodations that disabled persons require limit their quality of life. When those ableist assumptions are the lens through which we view the world, that can “cause us to stumble” in the metaphorical sense — can impede us from loving ourselves and one another fully, and from fully participating in the diverse Kin(g)dom of God.

They offered two examples:

When a person with a mobility impairment that could be improved with a wheelchair avoids using that wheelchair because of internalized ableism, preferring the increased suffering that walking more than their body can healthily do over being “wheelchair bound,” that internalized ableism is a stumbling block keeping them from abundant life. Learning to let go of those beliefs, to use a wheelchair when they need to, will — contrary to that “wheelchair bound” language — bring liberation. 

Their next example imagined a parent who puts their autistic child through ABA therapy in order to get them to talk, make eye contact, and otherwise behave like a non-autistic person, due to the belief that autistic persons are missing elements of a full personhood, or that they can only live a happy life if they learn how to mask their autistic traits. However, in reality, ABA therapy brings the child pain and trauma — it impedes rather than enables their quality of life. Letting go of that need for your child to communicate through spoken language and otherwise behave like an allistic will make room for celebration of who they really are!

As Jesus’s comments in this passage imply, a disabled person can enter into “The Life” of wholeness and kinship that is the Kin(g)dom of God just as they are. To try to sever their disability from them would be the hindrance to that liberation. To deny that there are many ways to participate in the Body of Christ  impedes the incoming Kin(g)dom.

So let’s take this message to heart. Let’s consider what points of view, what assumptions about what is necessary for wholeness, are currently keeping us from abundant life, or causing us to stop others from their abundance-bringing work. It’s time to learn how to let those harmful assumptions go — and hold tight to the things that bring true wholeness.

For more on this text, check out my translation notes, which include a lot of commentary from D. Mark Davis’s own exegetical work.

For more on disability theology, you might enjoy my #disability theology tag on tumblr or my Disabled AND Blessed YouTube series. This video exploring the many different perspectives on disability found within the Bible is particularly pertinent.

Finally, what do you think? What good news do you hear in this Mark 9 text? What parts of it feel like a stumbling block for you, dredging up hurt or confusion?

[pinkhairedlily]

Alone With You

For #KakaSaku Month 2021

Week 1, Day 4, Same Age AU

Rating: G

Pairing: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi

Summary:

Kakashi was the misunderstood pariah, and she was the school’s takane no hana. He comfortably pined for her from afar until prom when all he wanted was – at most – a dance.

Note: Takane no hana is translated as flower on a high peak. It depicts someone as out of anyone’s reach. This AU is loosely inspired from Hibi Chouchou.

Maybe it was the long scar on the left side of his face or the atrocious beauty mark. Maybe it was the menacing way he looked at his classmates or the sarcastic quips he gave in conversations. It couldn’t be his hair – silver, smooth, and the length of a mullet. They should have loved him for that, but instead, they set him a level above eccentric bordering on deviant. Nonetheless, he was their school’s pariah.

And what can a pariah actually do to get close to a takane no hana? Haruno Sakura - pink hair, jade eyes, rosy cheeks, and plump lips. She was a cherry blossom tree growing in the highest mountain, and to get there one has to go through multiple quests and surrender treasured items. He would have set on this journey a long time ago if not for her making it clear that she didn’t intend to date. He remembered her announcing it in the middle of general assembly when a guy confessed to her on stage for the umpteenth time. So that was how it came to be, stealing glances and moments she doesn’t even know of.

He had this hiding spot in the shrubbery and the big camphor tree beside their building. No one bothered to go there because someone got bitten with a snake some years ago so he took advantage of its notoriety. He made it his sleeping abode, his reading nook, or his eavesdropping spot. That was where he also had his first interaction with Sakura.

------------------------

She just jumped out of nowhere and into his lap where a book was still open for his consumption. Red flush took over her cheeks, but she stayed where she was, and hands went to his mouth when he attempted to say something.

“I swore I saw her run towards this area.”

“You’re so stingy. Her actions were pretty clear that she didn’t want to hear your confession.” She was visibly annoyed, her brows furrowing and meeting in the middle, but even so, she was a sight to behold. Her hair was done up in a bun, but stray locks escaped during her unintended rendezvous, and they curtained her striking jade eyes and softened the glare on them.

“I don’t even want a yes. I just need a definite no.”

This other voice was mocking. “I don’t want a yes, but you kept on pestering her for weeks.”

“My pride was hurt. Everyone told me I was the most handsome and yet I got rejected? I had to make sure she wasn’t blind.” They heard further shuffling of feet and then several dejected sighs. “Yeah, she’s not here. Maybe I should set my eyes on another school’s muse?”

Kakashi eased down her hands still clamping his mouth shut and peeked at the retreating figures. “They’re gone now. Maybe you should also rethink what provocations this position has.”

Sakura slid down to the ground next to him and pulled her knees closer to her chest. “Thanks.”

“You don’t see me as part of your cult following?” He surveyed his already crumpled book – he was just getting to the good part.

“If you have, you would have kissed me by now.” She wasn’t pulling punches. She was straightforward as a line, and she startled him with a direct, unwavering gaze. “Hatake Kakashi.”

“Congratulations. I’m guessing you noticed my calling card.” He pointed to his scar, almost sure of his assumptions.

But she smiled at him – spring blooming in indian summer. “We ride the same train every day.” Shock must have been apparent on his face since she started to leave, but not without chuckling within his hearing.

After that, he finally noticed her – a pink blob in the morning crowd. Sometimes, she was far away from his seat, but more often than not, she was just on the opposite side. Earphones in, hair undone, and in joggers instead of skirts. The first time he saw her disguise, if she could even call it like that, he laughed out loud. The people around him shifted nervously, but it was her reaction that amused him. Her eyes widened, questioning him a few feet away what the hell did he see. Every time they reach their school’s station, however, he lost her, and he knew better than to loiter. She was the takane no hana.

Across the school terms, he made sure to keep her within his sights and out of the prying hands and attention of boomers and men with no self-respect. He intervened only when she would signal, but truthfully, he didn’t need those. He just needed to see her eyes. His attention during his morning train rides shifted from the books in his bag to the pink-haired girl bopping her head to music.

In the middle of winter finals, she sat beside him and shared her other earphone.

Isn’t it odd the way we try to tell ourselves we got limits?

You’re beautiful, but you just don’t see it sometimes

And I don’t know why, you’re the shape of my days

Oh, you’re my holy place

And I know everything’s good, everything’s just as it should be

When you’re alone with me

Everything’s good, everything’s just as it should be

When you’re alone with me

When I fall, I’m fine

All I wanted was your time

Everything’s good, everything’s just as it should be

When you’re alone, alone with me

“Hmm. You should stop doing this.” Kakashi took off the earphone and gave it back to her. A glimpse of disappointment flashed across her face. “Because I might just fall in love with you.”

He proceeded to move away from her and into the end of the compartment. He still got her in his periphery, and it didn’t escape his notice that she smiled, the red flush creeping into her cheeks, the winter cold serving as a good excuse. He hoped then and there if he could bet everything on that one expression.

She didn’t have her earphones on when they met again for the next school year, but she made sure to be within his proximity, the distance closing in every train ride – two seats apart, an arm’s length, and finally shoulder to shoulder.

“I wonder why I don’t see you in my afternoon train rides.” She also stopped wearing joggers.

“I work part time after class.”

“Is that why you try to catch some reading while traveling?” Her eyes pointed to the opened book on his lap, the passage swirling in his thoughts, and he read instead the many phrases in her eyes.

“You’re oddly distracting,” he murmured and shoved the book bag into his bag.

“Well, sorry. It’s because you’re not talking to me in school.” In all honesty, he heard the pout in her voice, and his heart only further melted into a pool of adoration. “I need some book recommendations though, and I’d appreciate it if you would pick them with me in the library.”

My God, she has become braver. Kakashi looked at her and saw the pointed lip and furrowed brows. “Are you serious?”

“Classics because I need more than a Romeo and Juliet.”

In the afternoon, they met in the library in between dusty shelves and long forgotten volumes of books. He gave her the usual – Pride and Prejudice, Tale of Two Cities, Wuthering Heights, Scarlet Letter, Little Women, and his favorite and definitely not a classic yet – The Buried Giant by Kazuo Ishiguro. Having done what he was asked to do, he took his leave, quietly and quickly, not wanting to associate with her in this open space.

The next few weeks she immersed herself in those books and did not enjoin him in conversation. When she finally did, he was caught offguard.

“Does that have a violent history?”

He gestured to his scar and she confirmed it with a short nod. “It was from a cat.” She laughed out loud when he gave that answer, earning weird looks from other passengers. “Aren’t you gonna ask me if that’s true?”

She was still reeling from his reply and gave herself a few seconds to calm down. “No. it’s very typical of you.”

“Huh?”

“I bet you just carried it and hugged it like you would a dog.”

“That’s why I’m a dog person now.”

“What’s its name?”

“Pakkun.”

Again, she laughed, unrestrained melody intertwining with the noise of the crowd, the screech of the rails, and the whistles of the train.

When summer came, she cut her hair short, but that only made her more beautiful. It emphasized her jawline and brought more focus to her eyes. But his hair was long, almost a mullet, and some strands were disrupting his vision. It didn’t help at all in this heat, but he’d rather maintain that odd reputation of his. She quietly tapped his shoulder and gestured for him to turn around. He did so within the limited space they were allowed, and she tied his hair up for him.

Before he could glance back and thank you, the train suddenly stopped, and she was pushed forward and against his back. He hoped several times now and yet he hesitated. What more certainty was he asking for when he could literally hear her heartbeat. For a moment, he imagined her arms enclose around his waist and pull him in, safe in the wall of the crowd, alone with each other’s feelings. But it was nothing more than a brief respite from a faraway dream.

Last year of high school, and he has yet to resolve his feelings, let alone confess. When prom season dawned, he wished he didn’t have to go to school. There wasn’t a day that she wasn’t being confessed to or invited to be someone’s date, but Sakura stood her ground and rejected all offers. That made his chances dwindle down to zero as well. After all, what did a takane no hana have to do with a school pariah?

------------------------

“Kakashi.”

He looked up from his book and saw her nervously twirling her fingers. “Sakura.”

“Are you going to prom?” she asked, her voice ladened with faint insecurity.

“Not my vibe,” he replied. He turned to another page, and another, and he finally finished it. Yet she still hasn’t reacted. “So do you have a partner yet?”

She smiled at him. “I guess I’m going solo.”

“Your suitors not up to your standards?”

She shook her head and scrolled through her phone. She opened a picture of her trying out her prom dress and showed it to Kakashi. “Too bad I really wanted to dress up.”

She embodied a princess with an agenda, the front almost a heart-shaped bralette with butterfly sleeves and the back with a low cut, ending just above her waist. The bottom was a mermaid’s tail with colors blending in shades of green. Dear God, please have mercy on me. “Have fun, Sakura.”

He should have just kept his mouth shut because when the prom day itself came around, he decided to go for it, especially after seeing the downcast look on her face when he told her to go have fun.

Indeed, she went alone, with a dignity like a takane no hana only has. She was distant even to her friends, and she put on an air of defense that drew everyone away from her sphere. He wondered what expression she’d wear if he closed in that gap.

And then, he heard the whispers, the gasps, and the not-so-subtle pointing fingers.

No use in hiding now. Kakashi stepped out from the back, donned in white, his silver hair tied like how she did it, and walked towards the still unsuspecting Sakura.

His steps fell in tune with the opening song – the one that made him bet everything on that tiniest possibility. At most, for tonight, he only wanted a dance.

“Is he serious?”

“That’s Hatake Kakashi, right? He’s that handsome?”

“Wait, I don’t want to see this. He’s gonna ask Sakura for a dance.”

“The secondhand embarrassment is real.”

All I want is your time. “Sakura.”

Her breath audibly hitched in her throat when she heard his voice. She turned to him with an intensity that almost made her fall, but he caught her in time in his arms. “I was just about to ask you for a dance. This saves me time, I guess.”

“About time, you slowpoke.”

Kakashi smiled at her and led her to the center of the ballroom, his feet and arms guiding her in the dance, amid the gasps of onlookers, and the conversations that spread like wildfire. But with every step, he pulled her closer to him, slowly muting the noise with the sound of her heels, the rush of her train, and his own loud heartbeat. “I wonder if this is all right.”

She closed whatever gap was between them and laid her head across his chest, her nose on his collarbone, and almost, almost, he could feel her lips on his skin. “What’s all right?”

“You, takane no hana and all. Me, pariah and all.”

“I made a plan in my head – that the next time I see you, I’m gonna confess.”

Kakashi chuckled nervously, almost choking on his own saliva. “There was a minute possibility of the off chance that you liked me.”

“Because I do. I really do. And you didn’t make it any easier. Avoiding me, only talking to me in the train? I shared my favorite song with you, for goodness’ sake. I don’t care about takane no hana. I don’t do half-hearted feelings, and I’ve been trying my best to meet you halfway.”

He brought her closer, not anymore dancing, but hugging in the middle of the room, unaware of anyone. “I mustered whatever courage I have to stand beside you today in this crowd. I’m sorry it took this long.”

Sakura briefly loosened from his embrace, and in the midst of those dim lights, and cacophony of shoes, glasses, shutter clicks, champagne pops, and gowns, she recited a quote off his favorite book. “It would be the saddest thing to me. To walk separately from you, when the ground will let us go as we always did.”

“That would make for good marriage vows.”

“That….escalated a lot more quickly than I expected.”

“Come here.” He pulled her in back to his embrace, and they danced with such abandoned happiness – so evident that the strangers backed off, and everyone started to accept as such.

And when the confetti fell and the dim strobe lights turned off momentarily to give way to the bright light, Kakashi searched for her lips and found them waiting just below his chin.

“I was aiming for the beauty mark.”

“You’ll get more chances later.”

[codetrainwreck]

Cs’ World, Geass fragments, and the ending of Re;surrection

Long post is long.

Reviewing Ragnarok

First off, let’s refresh what has happened in the anime with Cs’ World. During R2, CC says that ��Cs’ World is also called the Collective Unconscious, some call it God”. This definition has seemingly changed during the movie, but honestly the fact it changed isn’t really important, it just makes this line weird in retrospect.

The Collective Unconscious is made up of all of the people who ever lived, hence why Charles and Marianne keep telling Lelouch and Suzaku, “you can talk to the dead!” etc, and also explains why Charles has a line where he says, “past present and future, there has only ever been one person”. Charles’s plan in R2 was “kill God” by adding humans to God (like... they literally show chains of humans being shoved into Jupiter). For this plan, Charles required at least one Code, but two Codes to make it 100% successful. Lelouch called his plan stagnation and “a closed world”. Lelouch tries to prevent his dad from “killing God” by requesting a tomorrow and allowing time to continue ticking.

The result of asking for a tomorrow

During the movie, in the scene in the truck, CC’s dialogue reveals that when Lelouch asked for a tomorrow, he killed God. To phrase it backwards, Lelouch did the same thing his dad was trying to do, but in a different way. In her convo wKallen, CC also attributes Lelouch’s wish for a tomorrow as to why she can no longer enter Cs’ World. However, when CC finally enters Cs’ World, this assumption turns out to be incorrect and she corrects herself in her own dialogue and identifies the real reason why she couldn’t Cs’ World freely.

When CC enters Cs’ World for the first time during the prison sequence, she remarks on how everyone’s individual consciousness (this is honestly probably not how you’re supposed to use this word, but it’s 1am) is scattered around, but they aren’t moving anywhere or doing anything. So, when Lelouch killed God, he did the opposite of what his dad was trying to do. Charles wanted to kill God by adding humans to it. Lelouch killed God by requesting a future, and this caused the consciousnesses of the dead people in the collective to split apart. Since they were a collective before, this would make them individuals now, hence CC’s dialogue.

In the convo w/Kallen in the truck, CC attributes Lelouch’s wish and him killing God as to why she can’t enter Cs’ World freely anymore. However, when she actually gets to Cs’ World, she finds a spooky purple orb with the shadows of Marianne and Charles, and deduces that it’s actually Charles who was preventing her. In her dialogue, she likens him to a wall; a divide between the “meta” world and the “real” world.

Don’t leave your heart behind

While floating through Cs’ World, CC begs Charles, “don’t leave your heart behind”. Funimation I believe translated it as like, “stop this already”? For the context she says it in, there’s nothing wrong with this translation. I am noting this because this line comes up again later but Funimation translated it completely different when it comes up here.

Spooky clouds

During CC and Lelouch’s time in Cs’ World, there are spooky black-orange-gray clusters of stuff that come out and try to swallow Lelouch and separate him from CC. The pamphlet for the movie describes this sequence as, “Lelouch being surrounded by human consciousnesses in Cs’ World”. Putting 1+2 together, Charles’s influence on Cs’ World must give him the ability to move the consciousness around.

In Lelouch’s words, Charles’s wish was to stagnate time, so I think it makes sense that now that Charles has influence on the consciousnesses scattered in Cs’ World, he would choose to make them freeze in place (remember how CC saw them when she enters and she comments about consciousnesses not moving around? Lelouch’s wish was for a tomorrow, and I sincerely don’t believe people’s souls would be frozen in place in a post-Lelouch’s wish world). And, upon finding Lelouch, the source of all of this bullshit for Charles, Charles’s influence would also cause the souls to try and swallow Lelouch.

It all links back to what CC says - Charles just can’t let Lelouch go.

The shadows in Cs’ World

After CC flies through Cs’ World, she reaches her hand out to Lelouch, but seemingly can’t reach him. Suddenly, a sequence with shadows that take human shape also throw out their hands. Recall that Cs’ World was previously occupied by the Collective Unconscious, and the Collective Unconscious was made up of the souls of everyone who ever lived and died.

The shadows we see here are easily identified as multiple dead characters from Code Geass. The first one is Euphy, the second is Rolo. Others seen are executed members of the Kyoto group, OG BKs Inoue and Yoshida, Urabe and Senba from the 4 Holy Swords, and a last figure that doesn’t seem as recognizable (maybe it’s Clovis....... he waited for you, Lelouch). These figures all reach their hands out, as if they were symbolically reaching towards or helping CC reach Lelouch. The last shadow we see is Charles’s, and he doesn’t throw his hand out of course as he’s still trying to block CC.

As an aside: Was Lelouch accidentally breaking down the Collective Unconscious into individual souls a bad thing? Knowing that this work was made in Japan (a collectivist society), I would honestly say... no, I don’t think so. It actually appears to have been a good thing. Like, honestly, the movie itself enforces the idea that this is positive, both through the way the shadows representing individuals save Lelouch here, as well as another sequence later in the ending.

Shamna’s plot with Cs’ World

Shamna’s plot in the movie is that has kidnapped Nunnally. She says during her dialogue that Lelouch fucked up Cs’ World and that Nunnally has the same wavelengths of Charles.

What does this all mean? Well, recall that in the TV show, Charles needed 2 Codes to successfully do the thing and make the Ragnarok Connection happen. Or rather, there was a chance of success with 1 Code, but it was 100% success with 2 Codes. Shamna has one code (a lot of English viewers seemingly missed this, but Shamna has a Code on her lower belly...), and then she collects Nunnally because “she has the same wavelengths as Charles”.

Seemingly, while this is not literally said in the movie, I think the implication is that Shamna, like Charles, would require 2 Codes to do what she wants to do to Cs’ World, but she doesn’t have a second Code, so she’s trying to use Nunnally as a make-shift Code.

I think the movie also supports the idea of Nunnally as a “make-shift second Code” during the ending.

Shamna’s chat with CC in Cs’ World

When CC speaks with Shamna, CC tells her, “don’t leave your heart behind”. (Funimation translated this as something about regrets, which honestly is better than heart IMO. Regrets is a more contextual word, both in the instance w/Shamna and Charles.) Anyway, as we saw before, Charles warped Cs’ World and caused the souls there to freeze. So this line of CC’s to Shamna reads like CC is telling her not to fuck up Cs’ World like how Charles did.

And, as we see later, we’re led to believe that Shamna took this advice from CC.

The rainbow hands that save Lelouch and Nunnally

While CC talks to Shamna, Lelouch goes off on his own and finds Nunnally. As they stare at the gray ball in the distance, Lelouch calls it the hearts of many (smth like regrets of many in Funi tl).

After finding her, the orange-gray Charles stuff come out of nowhere and attacks him again. I think this just serves as a reminder that, again, these things are here to mess w/Lelouch because of Charles’s influence on Cs’ World. Like... Shamna used Nunnally to get in to Cs’ World and the Charles influence kept Nunnally there as a way to bait in Lelouch. Blah blah.

At this point, Lelouch and Nunnally are being swallowed, Lelouch calls his Geass his own sin (I believe the context for this is that Nunnally wanted to use FLEIJAs to “wipe away Lelouch’s sins”; perhaps her thoughts and guilt also warped Cs’ World?), and rainbow hands form around them. Nunnally has a realization of some kind that causes her to start crying, and Lelouch remarks, “Ah, so they’ve saved me again?”

“Again” as in, recall when the individual shadows reached out for Lelouch alongside CC. They were the shadows of Euphy, Rolo, and many others. Lelouch is saying that those people have all saved him once more. How do we know for sure? I mean, I think “Euphy is here now” gives context to Nunnally’s facial expressions during this part. Also Taniguchi was being coy about this at Sakuracon and said, “no comment about who helped Lelouch but hey Euphy miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight be part of it” as a person with a Euphy tattoo specifically asked about Euphy’s involvement.

So, erm, rainbows beat dad...?

What’s more is that this rainbow sequence seemingly dispels all of Charles from Cs’ World. But... what exactly does it mean now that the power of rainbows exercised Charles from Cs’ World?

CC said before that she can’t get into Cs’ World. She later identified this was because of Charles. If Charles’s bullshit is gone now, does this mean she can freely enter Cs’ World again? And since Lelouch has a Code, does that mean he can freely enter Cs’ World? And, furthermore, if people can freely enter Cs’ World, does that mean that immortality is back? After all, CC attributed her access to Cs’ World as being tied to her immortality in the conversation with Kallen.

I assume these things will be addressed in whatever Code Geass thing is next...? Or not.

How does one do things to Cs’ World anyway?

Why did the rainbows appear anyway? As we see in the movie, Shamna attempted to use Nunnally as a make-shift Code. In this sequence, we have Lelouch (one Code) + Nunnally (make-shift Code), and they seemingly affect Cs’ World once they are united together. Perhaps that’s why? Or is it more related to Lelouch’s dialogue about his sins?

In the anime, they don’t really define why Lelouch’s wish is accepted by Cs’ World either. For example, since he has there with 2 Code users (Charles + CC) and you need 2 Codes to do stuff, perhaps that’s why Cs’ World took the request for a tomorrow. I’ve always been a fan of the idea that Cs’ World willingly took the request because it’s a pile of dead people who probably died w/regrets, w/o being able to accomplish things, etc. But really, Code Geass really doesn’t touch on its metaphysical realm much.

Fragments of Geass

As CC chats with Shamna, Shamna expresses her desire to stay in Cs’ World and see Shalio when he dies. Shalio dies pretty shortly after, and immediately after his death, we see a sequence in Cs’ World (you know it’s Cs’ World from the setting) where Shamna screams after his death then turns into a black-gray orb.

Corresponding with Shamna’s body being blown up in the temple (recall Lelouch set an explosion), her orb in Cs’ World explodes as well, causing things to rain over the sky. When CC and Lelouch talk at the end, CC says she is going to collect the fragments of Geass left behind by Shamna. Based on the appearance, I think the “Geass fragment shower” is supposed to symbolic of tears, and represents Shamna mourning Shalio.

Recall that CC had also told Shamna, “don’t leave your heart behind” aka “don’t fuck up Cs’ World like Charles did”. This is seemingly the result of that - she wanted to stay and await Shalio, Shalio died, and then rather than staying behind in Cs’ World and warping it as Charles did, she heeded CC’s words, turned into an orb and then unleashed a bunch of Geass fragments in the physical world and is about to create a bunch of new Geass users which LL and CC will deal with for the next 10 years.

I... guess...? If there are this many Geass users, it’ll be like a Pokedex of Geass users or JoJo’s but a new Geass user of the week.

Why can she cry tears of Geass? Idk, but one would assume it’s related to Cs’ World. Perhaps it’s related to Lelouch saying that his Geass is his own sin. Perhaps the # of fragments / # of meta-tears is related to the # of people Shamna has sacrificed, or the # of times Shalio has died and she went back 6 hours to save him.

The post-credits scene

In the post-credits scene, LL seems to be offering someone a Geass contract, but with 2 differences from the speech CC gave him. He states that the power of kings MAY isolate you, and that if you aren’t prepared then your Geass will be taken from you.

Seemingly, this scene is set up so that LL and CC are looking down at a pile of corpses in a ditch. There are fans who think that LL and CC killed these people. However, as alch observed, there is actually a girl attempting to climb out of the pit. With this context in mind, LL is offering her a contract, mirroring the sequence where he too was on the verge of death and CC offered him one.

[m2mtl]

(ENG translation) Fake Cinderella - Chapter 8

Chapter 8 raw (click for link)

Previous chapters (1-7) link

t/n: Hiya, I decided to pick up the Fake Cinderella novel. This is just MTL so feel free to point out corrections and I'm not sure about some parts and just inferred based on context (MTL sometimes give out really weird translations lol). I'll try to do at least 2-4 chapters every month, but I'm not promising anything. So yeah, here goes~

(7/28/19) t/n: Edited some parts, for better understanding as well as some points that I realized weren’t translated that accurately. 

TOC - Next Chapter

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8. Report

The culprit - I was told that he was the cook of the soup at the kitchen.  

(I do not know if it's true)

As if it's a detective drama, it was "no charges due to the death of the suspect."

Really. That guy, he was dead.

He was there during the uproar about Ellelucia, but soon he was out of sight, and when he was found he was no longer breathing. 

They say it was the same poison as with Ellelucia.  

(The dead cannot speak...)

There was no definite evidence that he was the criminal, but according to this report which was handed to me, the Elsevelt justice officer had determined that it was suicide. And while the investigation will continue, there is a strong suspicion that he was the perpetrator.

We cannot prove his innocence, and it is easy to judge him as the criminal. Even if there is no solid evidence, the circumstantial evidence is sufficient.

With one word of the judiciary, he is considered as if he were the criminal already.

Like a lamb in a sacrifice.  

The dead cannot argue.  

After that, the people around him just piled up stories showing that he was suspicious.

Several testimonies from the people around him were included in the report.

It was poorly written.

He liked gambling.

He was in debt and needed money.

He always said that he wanted money.

He talked about having a profit... each and everyone of these stories are insufficient as evidence.  

These are often heard everywhere, and it's not particularly suspicious.

But when each of these stories comes together, it feels as if he were a criminal.

It is even more so because the judiciary has proclaimed it.

(The assumption is strong.)

Even if it was not the truth, it is considered the truth to those who believed it.

The weight of the real truth is automatically added there.

Whether the judicial officer really thinks he's the culprit or is trying to make himself think so, there's too little information to judge.

Another report was submitted by my escort.

As this is in Elsevert territory, this report is not an official document but only an informal one.

The name of the reporter is Count Najec = Rajé = Vera = Stasen (t/n: I just kept the name similar to the romanization).

He is the head of my escort and is a qualified judicial officer.

A judicial officer is a professional qualification who is given the authority of a judge and a police officer, and is called by the title "Vera", but "Judicial officer" does not strictly equal to "Vera".

"Vera" means a person who graduated from university, in a sense it's basically a "scholar."

Since all the people who graduated from university can become judicial officers, the judicial officers eventually became called "Vera."

Wherever you go in this continent, you can get a high-ranking official position if you have acquired the title "Vera." Really. Even if it is a former slave.

I hear that the prime minister of the Royal Roland Empire in the North is a "Vera" that was a former slave.

I was wondering why one could become an expert in law just after graduating from college, so I was determined to know how the mentioned university here works. Universities in this world are highly advanced and specialized academic institutions, it is difficult to enter and even more difficult to graduate.

Admission qualifications require that only those who have passed the entrance exam for under 30 years old, but the scope of entrance exams is quite diverse. The test subjects are three essential subjects: law, history, and language, but they must have knowledge in all fields because the history exam may ask about the zinc purification method of the unified empire era, and the language exam may ask about the economy of the second empire period.

Depending on the year, successful applicants may only total to a single digit.

Laws naturally vary from country to country. The basic law is the old Unified Imperial Law called the "Continental Law."  University students learn all the laws of the five major powers, including Dardinia. If you do not pass in the three essential subjects of law, history, and language, you can not advance to the specialized course nor graduate.

The Royal Academy exists as a senior educational institution, but in every country, it is regarded as belonging only to nobles. There are some famous private schools, but they are only recognized within their own countries.

An ivory tower with absolute authority, without swaying in status, position or power. That is the university here.

They are meritocratic, no matter how high your status, no matter how much money you accumulate, you will not be allowed to take a step in unless you pass the entrance examination on your own.

Incidentally, Prince Nadir has this "Vera."

At present, there is no other prince in the continent who has "Vera."  It is said that when he ascends to the throne, he would become the first king to have the title "Vera."

Let's get back to the report.

As a matter of course, the report of Count Stasen naturally differs in perspective from the Elsevert's judicial officer.  

So, even if the same fact is written, the impression is completely different.

The poor are all farmers in the villages, and it is common practice for the village men to play darts at the bar of the village, do dice betting and poker, and to lose at these games. Even if they lost three days in a row, it was possible to pay with the next month salary.  

People who want money, they're not uncommon for them, and the word profit can make you a little curious, but for instance, if you sell a new kind of sweet potatoes directly in the town rather than in the village market... it's a big profit for the farmers.

(There are two sides to things...)

Even if it is not the opposite of the two sides, just as the view changes depending on how the light is applied, the facts that come up from different perspectives are different.

(Even though there is one truth, what you see is different from person to person)

There is no more excuses from him.

There is no one to refute for him.

Now there is no evidence, but the suspicion of circumstantial evidence, and in time there may be a considerable sum of money, or some poison which he is said to have used, that will be discovered from his luggage.

Such a thing, I don't know if I can let it go afterwards.

(... or perhaps he was really involved)

Maybe I'm being too suspicious. It may be better to honestly believe in the circumstantial evidence.

If there is a lot of doubtful evidence, it's hard to say, because it was his turn to make the soup.  

That clam soup was a bit bad for acclaim. But I think it was technically okay.

The clam itself was deliciously processed. The thick, large clam was simmered without being too boiled. It didn't feel too firm and I didn't taste the rawness ... it was well cooked.

There is no gas. Nor do they have ranges or timers. I don't think he could have done anything but make soup on the open fire.

He should not have had the time of doing something unnecessary with the soup.  

(The soup is next to the oven, and the stove of the stir-fried dishes is beyond the bread-kiln...)

The report also describes the location of the kitchen seasoning shelves. The information attached to either report is quite detailed, but the information submitted by Elsevert's official is even more so - it includes the description of what is in the shelf. The name of the person who wrote it is blurred. (t/n: not sure about this, it was literally translated as “The character of the person I wrote is blurred.”)

If you were in the kitchen, you might think there are many chances to put poison in, but the corner where you made soup is far from the one where you made stir-fried dishes. Moreover, there is a bread kiln between them, and there are, of course, people in charge for that too.

There is no evidence that he approached the oven where the stir-fried dishes were being made.

It is almost impossible to put it after it is served. It is said that when he was done he soon served the soup, and there is no evidence of him approaching there.

There were more than ten people in the kitchen at that time. The chef, who oversaw all the work, testified that no one had done anything funny.

His skill may be inadequate, but his attitude to protect his men against a judicial officer who regarded him as the criminal is worthy of praise.

(I think I'm going to be confused...)

I had a lot to think about.

I don't think I've lived without thinking about anything, but I feel like I've been thinking a lot since I came here.

The position of the Duke of Elsevert is not very good, as the judicial officer considered him as partly the culprit... Rather, they are secretly regarded as the true masterminds.

(His family, for generations, was it a peasant of the Duke...)

The relationship between tenant farmers and feudal lords is similar to slaves and masters who follow voluntarily. Although peasants were not in the position of slaves, they could not oppose the order of their lords.

It is quite natural to regard it as having been done by the order of the duke.

The duke seems to have tried to come and explain many times, but my escort commander said that the excuse was useless, and it seems that even Lilia refused the offer.

(Well, he is naturally, suspected... in a sense, of course)

On the contrary, I doubt his involvement this time.

I don't think he'll use such an easy-to-understand method.

In the castle of Elsevert, poison is found in the dish made by the cook of Elsevert... The culprit deduced from this... it's too easy to understand.

(I don't think they'll use such a simple trick)

The Duke of Elsevert would come up with a situation in which he could prove that he was never the culprit, and a means in which he would never be doubted.  

That duke is paranoid and a perfectionist. That type should be very particular about details.

Of course, there are exceptions, but the duke is absolutely fine. Because, the list of seasoning shelves was probably written directly by the duke.

It was found in both reports that, as soon as Ellelucia fell, my bodyguards began to seize the kitchen of the castle to examine all the rest of the material which had remained for my breakfast.

The materials itself seemed to be perfectly normal. Seasonings too.

The poison was found only in the dish of 'fried green vegetables and soybean dishes' that was carried to my room.

The frying pan had been washed, so it was unclear if it was mixed during cooking or if it was mixed while being transported to my room after cooking.

It was Ellelucia who carried "green vegetables and stir-fried dishes" from the kitchen to my room. It seems that the lady has poisoned herself with what she carried.

(What is the form of the poison? ... Powder or ... Liquid? ...)

Is it possible to be mixed in the corridors or not?

The poison is still under investigation, but it is written that it is probably a poison of Rigis.

Rigis is is a medicinal herb that has analgesic effects in its flowers and a sedative effect in the leaves. It is widely used, and every home is planted with Rigis, and it is so common for girls to bring the potted plant as a bride's tool.

However, according to a book left by the famous alchemist, Trigias, about two centuries ago, it is possible to refine the root by a special refining method and produce a terrible poison. It is said that it can kill a dozen of adults with just one drop of liquid or with the powder amounting to only a tip of the finger.

The terrifying part of this poison is that it is not immediate. There is nothing for a while after taking it, and it is too late when you realize it. You can't vomit it anymore.

It dissolves in the internal organs and you die before long. It is said that the skin of the body is decayed and that purple spots appear over time.

(Well, all poisons that can not be identified are said to be Rigis poison.)

Indeed, this Rigis poison is a mystery poison. The 'special refinements' and the other information have not been recorded anywhere, only the efficacy of the poison and the observation that Trigius had conducted on death row prisoners.

The roots of the Rigus are edible when boiled. It tastes like a lily root, and I ate it a few days ago. By the way, it seems to be a medicine for bruises if you grind it.

It's a mystery how it becomes poisonous. Well, it's not that strange because medicine and poison are two sides of the same coin.

(...... Is there anything that Ellelucia aims at?)

Was there a reason for being targeted by Ellelucia? Now that I think of it.

She was a bright and pretty girl. It is said her swordsmanship skills were quite good. She was told to be my shield at an emergency.

However, it seemed to me that it had nothing to do with the fact that Ellelucia was my maid after all.

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TOC - Next Chapter

[nctsukashii-archive-blog]

Most disliked arc (chapter)? Why?

The saltiest cracker you know is me, Bepsi!10. Most disliked arc (in this case, chapter)? Why? 

I bet you saw this shit comin a mile away huh?

Chapter 2.

Now, it might surprise you, but Hoshi dying isn’t even the worst part of the chapter for me. That’s more emotionally gut punching me and my hopes and dreams that joke characters can live past chapter 3. Actually, Hoshi is without a doubt the BEST part of Chapter 2 even with his death, just because of how amazingly he’s written. 

Sadly, even Hoshi cannot save this chapter from showing just how RUSHED and UNPOLISHED it is. Because holy jeEZ THERE’S A LOT WRONG (albeit it’s personal opinion for the most part). So while you may know them, or may learn something new from my opinion, that’s all cool! Under the cut as Chapter 2 is dissected and torn into to learn why it is sadly, my least fav of V3.

- RUSHED.

Now, this is really easy to see, and I’m sure many others have noticed it as well, but it bears a lot of repeating because it’s a problem. Chapter 2 was rushed to high heavens, in the sense that it mainly serves to push the plot along and nothing more. Things happen too quickly in the story at that point, and while the rest of the game is better off for it, this is the ONLY chapter that REALLY does it so blatantly, and it feels very choking as a result of it.- Tenko’s attachment to Himiko needed to happen, absolutely, but I feel like more should have been done in Chapter 1 to show Tenko trying to talk to her more? Maybe, “OOO maybe himiko wants to be my friend??” and more interactions that show that Tenko isn’t just attaching herself to Himiko b/c she’s “the creepy gay” character. - Toujou becoming the fucking supermaid. This one is the most obvious, but mmm. Everyone relying on her suddenly feels super forced, as characters like Shinguuji and Hoshi and even Maki herself, all ask Toujou to do something for them. It feels out of character for them, and the fact that THAT interaction is the MOST she gets in Chapter 2 before the trial is fucking trash and I’ll explain why in a later point, but you can just TELL that they needed SOMETHING to give her ANY story relevance, and it hurts her character a LOT. - Kaito suddenly wanting to help Maki’s super fucking weird. Maybe if it showed Kaito like “sorry Shuichi maybe later, I wanna try talking to Maki” more in this Chapter to really see that he wants to help her, or even just him going more like “hey Shuichi wanna include Maki in our training? I feel like she could use it.” or ANYTHING that mentions Kaito reaching out to Maki more. Because as it is now, it feels like he’s suddenly placing an all or nothing bet and it makes him, p unlikable at that point b/c Shuichi just goes with it for seemingly no reason because “yeah I guess i gotta progress the plot”. - Those are the main points. Maki is done surprisingly well, actually, she’s really good here. Being sus like that and actually not letting you do FTE’s was cool, and i liked it a lot. Angie’s slow buildup was also pretty good as well, but I think they coulda put Tsumugi in w/ Himiko at some point so it’s not ‘suddenly everyone’s brainwashed!’ in chapter 3, as a slower buildup would do it good! Or at least, more buildup, I should say.

- CLUNKY.

This one is a bit harder to explain, and it goes in hand with the pacing issue, but lemme try. Some of the events and dialogue in Chapter 2 just feel, really clunky? Like, Shuichi’s an emotional guy and I totally understand that, but I don’t think he’d just spill his feelings to the guy that punched him for showing weakness not even 2 days ago? I dunno, maybe it’s just me. It feels like a lot of Chapter 2 was glued into the story as requirements rather than actually to tell a story. It comes in a lot of ways, as previously mentioned a lot of relationships are just ‘suddenly there’ rather than actually built up, IE Kaito and Maki, Tenko and Himiko, etc... and it makes the entire Chapter feel like it’s meshed together with ideas that Kodaka REALLY wanted to be in the game or knew would happen later on, but just couldn’t fit them in, so he shoved them in an early chapter and hoped for the best.

- TOUJOU’S ABILITY TO DO JACK DIDDLY SHIT IN TERMS OF STORY.

Somehow, they managed to make one of the stars of this chapter barely active in it. Can you fucking believe that? Like, no really, if you work off of fan translations I want you to open the translation you have, hit CONTROL+F and search for Toujou and see like, the 30 lines she has before the trial. It’s so MINIMAL, it’s so BASIC, and in those 30 sentences she’s treated like a PLOT DEVICE rather than a CHARACTER. I’m sure a bit of the reason as to why Toujou isn’t as popular as most of the other girls is just how hard the Chapter hits her in terms of not giving her any character development (even in the bonus interaction she’s just “i do this for my job” for fucc sake). Like, even if it was played for a laugh that she’s just so constantly work-focused, or the writing took it as a bit of a punchline for some dry humor (”hey toujou what’re ya doin?” “working.” and just have awkward eye contact and the ‘WOW this is awkward’ thought in Shuichi’s head after a few “...” between the both of them as it happens. easy comedy. see???) it at least would make her seem somewhat important compared to the cast. Honestly, it’s like the Tsumugi Effect but in 2 chapters instead of 6. By doing nothing in terms of plot, she basically puts on this huge fucking sign that says “HEY GUYS IM NOT STORY RELEVANT BECAUSE NOTHING IS HAPPENING TO ME SO I WILL PROBABLY DIE AS A KILLER OR VICTIM” Her trial behavior is really hit or miss as well, because some might find her ruthlessness to be really cool and makes her actually fucking interesting at any point in the story, while others might find it unlikable, excessively cruel, or just out of character for Toujou no matter how desperate she may be. Let alone that her US demographic prolly tanked quite a lot w/ her story focusing on POLITICS of all things (one of the three no-no’s in any conversation), making her very very hard to like, besides on an aesthetic level. Let alone her FTE’s are the worst in the game, as you still barely learn anything about her outside of “im a maid and im good at my job” or other points that the main story already tells you (besides that she once coddled a man so hard he became dependent and that her only weakness is not cutting konjac right ever). It just makes her feel like a barren and incomplete character.

- TOUJOU’S ABILITY TO DO EVERYTHING SO WELL SHE CAN EVEN FUCK HERSELF OVER AMAZINGLY.

Everyone has heard me go on and on about this, but if it doesn’t get said no one will know it so I keep repeating it until the end of time.By making her plan so complex, she basically fucks herself. By making a crime that only someone as competent as her could accomplish, it fucks her because only she can do it. XD. Literally, who do you think would have been able to do all that shit in one night? Saihara’s too weak to drown Hoshi. Don’t fight me on this, because if you seriously believe the detective in training with little self defense training (he worked on infidelity and missing pet/kid cases for fuck sake, his life isn’t really on the line all that often so he prolly wouldn’t know or have to train all that much to protect himself) can take the tennis player that killed over 200 people and has been playing tennis basically all his life (enough to go INTERNATIONAL in MIDDLE SCHOOL) in a fight, we’re gunna need to have a talk.Gonta’s too heavy to use the ropeway.Kiibo’s too heavy to use the ropeway and too weak to carry Hoshi’s body.Himiko’s too weak to drown someone and attempt to shove them in the staircase (which I will touch on real soon here on why even attempting to frame her the way Toujou tried to was dumb as shit).Angie’s... lbr here, prolly missing a few too many tools in her toolbox to really think of a ropeway to kill Hoshi with.Shinguuji’s too weak (and before I get arguments on this, if u think this underweight twig of a man can take out Hoshi when Hoshi’s prolly faster than him and could just run ur wrong)Maki who was the Child Caregiver at the time would be seen as too weak to do anything to Hoshi too (even if she lifts kids, again, Hoshi is fucking rIPPED and has killer legs)Ouma’s too weak (i mean he’s underweight and looks like a twig)Kaito’s a fucking moron when it comes to master plans and wouldn’t have been able to plain something like a ropeway murder (let alone his idol complex wouldn’t have let him kill Hoshi most likely... unless it was a Mondo situation but that’s a later talk)Tenko’s also a fucking moron when it comes to long term planning let alone she wouldn’t touch a man unless to flip him to death, which makes the ropeway seem almost pointlessTsumugi’s too weak to (i mean... rlly. u rlly think she could take him down? under the assumption she isn’t the mastermind ofc at this point in the story, but even then sneak murdering all the kills seems kinda.... eh? too hard for her to do.) Miu’s also a fucking moron that wouldn’t think of using a ropeway (actually, she prolly woulda done the smarter option and just pushed Hoshi’s body out his fucking window since a ropeway would be too much effort)By process of COMMON SENSE, only Toujou would make something so NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED in an attempt to murder a guy. 

- THE DUMBEST PLAN ON EARTH AND HOW YOU COULD PLAN A SIMILAR MURDER AND GET AWAY WITH IT EASY. 

Toujou’s plan is fucking dumb when you can think of SO many other ways to get Hoshi killed with more leeway as to who coulda done it. So I bring up the window in his lab, because literally you could just push him out of it and the fall would prolly splatter that midget cunt on the ground no problem. Hell, even handcuff him. Nearly anyone could have pushed Hoshi out of the window, meaning there’s a possibility that Maki or Kaito could have done it w/o that stupid fucking ropeway let alone anyone at night (or hell even during the DAY since time of death was obscured), and it wouldn’t LEAVE THE FUCKING GLOVE.MMMM OKAY RANT HERE REAL QUICK I MEAN IT THAT FUCKING TRASH BAG GLOVE IRRITATES ME. Like, hhh I know Kodaka wanted to make a case where something like the glove gets the killer caught, but HOLY SHIT was it poor to use in a case like this. It not only feels like it’s out of place for her not to just get it in the morning, but why the fuck would she use her gloves anyways?? Why not use Hoshi’s hat? Anyone could use Hoshi’s hat as hand protection down the moronic ropeway and since it’s a beanie it’s prolly made of more strong material than I guess whatever her shit gloves are made of, since they tore like fuckin trash when she went down the ropeway. As someone that wears cut and heat protection gloves because of my job, the gloves she uses are HORRIBLY inefficient (let alone if she’s cleaning before touching food w/ them on... like please don’t that can cause so many health problems) to try and stop ropeburn. She could have also just poisoned everyone, or killed them all in their sleep, to make her job easier on herself. Can’t have a trial if no one’s there after all right? No one would suspect Toujou working on her fuckin job to come and snap their necks during the night or w/e, or poison their food before the show. But also framing Himiko is really fucking dumb. Like, she expects me to believe that Himiko, who is only 2 more pounds than Hoshi mind you, managed to drown him and stuff him in that staircase, and pull him out during the show in under a minute. LOL no. Hoshi looks like he can break her arms like fucking toothpicks without even trying?? Let alone her laziness makes it look REALLY hard for her to have planned a fucking murder. The fact that like, the first hour of the trial wants me to believe Himiko could be the killer is asinine, just because of how basically fucking illogical it is.What Toujou could have done instead, was leave his body drowned in the sink. Yeah, it’d be harder because not everyone can drown Hoshi (ie. Himiko and Ouma and prolly a few others that are considered sticks or weak), but there are a lot of people who could, and drowning someone is a lot easier than the stupid ropeway piranha bullshit. OR PUSH HIM OUT HIS WINDOW. JUST KILL EVERYONE THAT WAY COME ON.Actually, she coulda killed two people easy. Just have someone gullible like Saihara come to meet her at night in the lab after she’s already pushed Hoshi out the window (or even just come running to his room with a bullshit excuse that she saw a shadow ‘running away�� and saw that something happened in the tennis lab) and push him out the window too. Boom, makes it look like a murder gone wrong, and the only alibi that’d be able to testify about the events is hers. Easy win, everyone else gets executed.I get it, in the end, it needs to be a solvable mystery in a mystery game, but it ends up making Toujou look like a complete moron as a result of it, which is unfortunate.

- MOTIVE VIDEOS ARE RIGGED AS SHIT.

Upon learning what hers and Hoshi’s are, it seems almost rigged that they would have to be the killer and victim respectively. Hoshi’s telling him to ‘kys’ and Toujou’s saying ‘lol go kill someone’ makes it like... even if everyone else saw theirs that they’d be like.. the only two to really act on theirs besides MAYBE Miu or POSSIBLY Angie. And then we also see Ouma’s?? And his is just actively “lol u don’t kill bitch but u should do it anyways” making it seem almost counter productive. Like, bitch it just said Ouma made a rule that no killing was a thing and u genuinely expect his ass to break that? ha. The odds were stacked against the two of them, which makes it only seem more forced in the long run. Which is great from a meta standpoint, but a story can be meta while still being fun, enjoyable, and flowing functionally and logically. Which this chapter isn’t really.

- THE SADLY NOT REDEEMING BUT STILL SUPER GOOD HOSHI FACTOR.

Now, the one thing that I can praise this chapter for really well despite all its shortcomings is Hoshi’s characterization and his story. For one chapter he really makes a hard hit at the time, and it’s easy to become engrossed in his little background story about him wanting to find a reason to live. The real cherry on top is his writing and his interactions with the few people he interacts with. with Kaito, it really shows the disposition that Kaito has against him and just how Hoshi is so understanding of others and like... nice. Even when he wants a goal that goes against everyone, he still respects them. “I won’t do something reckless to endanger everyone.”, and acknowledging that it’s an entirely selfish reason why he wants to find the videos and will still not hurt anyone to do it. He may have threatened to show Maki’s video to everyone in exchange for his own from her, but he never hits her or directly harms / threatens her w/ violence or anything extremely dirty. It’s respectable. Ohhh, and Saihara’s dynamic with him is just so sPOT ON HERE. Between the great advice and compliments in general he has for Saihara such as “the world can be bright for someone that’s looked down for so long, be careful” and “you’re confident compared to before, like a weight is lifted off your back. it’s a good look for you” and other such flattery, to Hoshi being a bit more open to Saihara about his feelings (feeling jealous about everyone else having a reason to live, wanting to find one himself, openly admitting he feels he has no purpose in his life and wants to find a reason to be happy like everyone else, etc.). But this dynamic goes both ways, as Saihara also can read Hoshi super fucking well. Like, seeing the Tennis Lab is a great example of it. When Hoshi states the past is behind him, Saihara thinks to himself ‘but then why are you looking at the court with such sad eyes Hoshi-kun?’ and it’s like, just really nice that Saihara’s not dense? Like, Hoshi expresses himself pretty poetically, with the way he talks and whatnot, acting like a wise sage type w/ endless wisdom all the time, so Saihara being able to read past all the flowery language to just hear “god i miss tennis” or “im depressed” is really REALLY refreshing, and a nice balance to see. If you do Hoshi’s FTE’s it personally makes it even better, but that’s not a requirement so moving on. Even just Saihara asking him things like “are you doing well?” or “Is this what you want?” or “or just the small but surprisingly deep talks they just seem to have with one another are tiny details that really complete the dynamic that they can both read each other and can react to one another super well. It feels balanced between the both of them, even in Chapter 1, and it’s a shame Hoshi had to die because I would have LOVED to see how far it could go and how much it could have been expanded on in the later chapters. 

Sadly however, no matter how great Hoshi is, it can’t save Chappie 2 from it’s endless faults and gripes that I have with it, that ultimately make the story less entertaining as a result.

[devsavesdaworld-blog]

So. I’m gay. That’s pretty neat.

Some people might be surprised by this, some others maybe not. It doesn’t really matter anyhow, because the way I am is really the way I am and there’s no changing that.

But even just a year ago, I wouldn’t have been able to talk about this so freely and candidly. A year ago, my life was entirely different. Two years ago, three, five, 10. So much has changed from that dorky kid who grew up in a small farming town where the cows outnumbered the people.

It was in this small farming town where I learned that “gay” was synonymous with “wrong” or “weird” or “broken.” Kids would throw gay around as an insult, and some of those insults were thrown at me for being a sensitive kid who would rather lend someone a pencil to make them like me than actually stand up for myself, even though I knew I was never going to get that pencil to come. I cried when the dogs in Where the Redfern Grows ended up dying. I didn’t want to be mean, and I loved hugs. I was skinny and not that athletic, but smart, and felt more comfortable around girls even though they made me feel like shit most of the time because most of my cousins were girls. But really, I was just always myself. I didn’t even know what “gay” was at the time, let alone sex or any of those R-rated concepts that were thrown around.

High school wasn’t much better, but I started learning. My friend groups shifted a few times, but I always more of an innocent kid. Still smart, but long and gangly after a growth spurt that left me a bean pole. My mom even thought I was going to die one day from being so skinny. Awkward, gangly, etc. But innocent and unaware of much outside of small farming town.

Then high school continued, and I started growing and maturing, and I started noticing more of these impulses and intrigues I had towards guys instead of girls, though I was so confused at the time because, well, guys were supposed to be in relationships with girls, right? I didn’t even know how that all worked, but I tried my best to do the typical teenage stuff. Tried going after a few girls, tried kissing a few, ended up kissing one. But it was never really exactly the most comfortable of experiences.

Still gangly. Still a dork.

Then I hit a major depression, and that sucked, but at least during that time I grew a lot and I learned more about myself. But I still never really understood the whole gay thing.

And then I became a Christian. I felt like God brought me into his arms, and I fell in love with Christianity and the Church and everything that came with having Jesus in my life. But there was one thing that was always off, and that was that I started understanding my sexual attraction toward boys instead of girls. When it finally hit me that I had the oh-so-sinful “same-sex attraction,” I was scared in a way because everything so far had reinforced this tainted image of what being gay meant. In college, I came out to a few people in the first couple of years, but I was so cared.

I even came out to the pastor of the church I was going to at the time. His first questions for me was “Were you ever sexually molested as a child?”

No, pastor.

“Have you ever heard of the Exodus program?”

Again, no. Looked into it. It was a “reparative therapy” program that attempted to make gay people become straight.

What it really did was make people want to kill themselves, which they did time and time again. It was shutdown for being inhumane, and I’m glad I never followed that pastor’s advice.

But I was stuck in a place of pain, of struggle, or having to put on a façade and lie constantly and not be open with myself and with others because I was afraid of how the world would react, especially the world of American Christianity. I heard the horror stories, and the pastor I came out to really didn’t help me feel comfortable with it either.

I was constantly praying for change, while at the same time feeling guilty for how I felt, and seeing and hearing Christians condemn homosexuality. I was confused, I was struggling, and I tried to repress so much but ended up just getting hurt more and more.

In my college Christian group, I had better support. People who were “praying for me.” Praying for me to change, for me to be delivered from this “sin,” etc. Proud of me for not falling into that “lifestyle.”

But then I left that college Christian group after graduating. I loved it, and I still do, and I had lots of love come from it as well. But I still always had to hide, and had to be ashamed of who I was. I had some hard, difficult things happen.

After the group, I found some friends who started showing me even more support, and a different kind of love. Not a love that asked me to change, but accepted me for where I was and who I was. These people I started hanging around – Christians and non-christians – helped me to understand that I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I was. But it still wasn’t enough for me to accept myself, to feel that freedom.

And then a group of pastors and other people came together to create the “Nashville Statement,” where 14 articles (without any scripture referenced) were thrown together to condemn not only gays, but gay Christians, transgendered individuals, and anyone who supported them, saying that they were all barred from heaven. But they said it nice. But it was still damaging, and completely tone deaf in the midst of Hurricane Harvey, as well as a complete blindness to all of the harm and damage that the church has done to people and to the mission of Christ, all of the people the lost their lives because of hatred and bigotry and ignorance from the church. All of the people they’ve pushed away, or made feel wrong, or drove to killing themselves.

I was close a few times myself.

But these articles were so bad, so dumb, so atrocious and ignorant that it motivated me to dig more into the Open and Affirming side of Christianity. Side A, they call it. Accepting of anyone, no matter the gender or sexuality. An open church, with open doors and open arms. Rachel Held Evans, in her book Searching for Sunday, wrote about it a lot as well, which honestly made me cry more than once because of how close to home they hit.

That’s when I decided to accept my sexuality, accept that I was gay, and own it. Nothing about who I was changed from that decision, though. I just became more confident, more comfortable, more in tune with myself. I’ve felt freer than I ever have before, and honestly more in touch with God than ever before as well. Because that’s the thing. I can be a Christian, and I can be gay, and it’s amazing and comforting.

“But the scriptures!” people will say.

But that’s for people who think that the bible is an inerrant, magical book without flaw, which is not how I see it. Sacrilegious, I know, but this “inerrant” bible hasn’t really been used in the best ways when interpreting it literally, without sense of context, translation errors, man’s influence, etc.

The truths still stand to me. God as creator, Jesus as savior. If we agree on that, then there may as well not be more conversation unless we come at it on the same basic assumptions about the bible and its nature.

Anyways, now that I’ve finally accepted this huge aspect of my life, I feel great. I came out to friends, parents, siblings, and I have a loving, supportive circle of friends who love me a lot, and I love them a lot as well. It’s helping me to be a better friend and family member as well because, well, now I don’t have to continue to hide, or be someone I’m not.

So the reason I’m writing this is…well, there are a few reasons.

1. I wanted to come out publicly so that people know where I stand and where I’m at, which will hopefully challenge a few people’s perceptions on the whole topic, and so I don’t have to be in the dark anymore.

2. Because maybe someone, somewhere, will see this and understand that there are people here for them, and that if there is something weighing on you like this, that me and a lot of other people are out there who will love and support you no matter what.

3. So I don’t have to be afraid anymore.

Anyway, if you made it to the end. Thank you for hearing my story. If you have any questions, feel free to ask over messenger, as long as you’re not some religious idiot who’s going to tell me I’m going to hell, or tell me I’m living in sin, or encourage me to turn from my sinful ways or whatever.

Those people are literally the absolute worst, and Jesus cries whenever they do shit like that.

But for everyone else, thank you. Nobody should have to live in fear or in the dark just for being themselves.

[taradreschner-blog]

tara dreschner + headcanons

1. Tara is judgmental. They can’t help it or at least have never tried. They quickly come up with an idea of what someone is and rarely change their mind, instead choosing to believe the role that they’ve cast everybody in. Their assumptions are often deeply cynical in nature; they look for the worst in people before ever finding the good. There are people Tara will never be friends with because of what they’ve seen in them.

2. They’ve only begun recently making friends besides the two they’ve always had. It was easy in high school to stay forever in each other’s company, to barely acknowledge anyone outside their band of musketeers. But with Denna gone Tara had no choice but to expand their horizons and, reluctantly, they did. Despite themselves they’ve actually enjoyed spending time with Gen and Leo, but it feels like a strange sort of betrayal. Not even to Denna, who doesn’t seem to mind with how busy she is with her fascinating new life, but to Tara. They aren’t used to talking to people who don’t know them in and out, who don’t instinctively know how to translate their rolling eyes and monotone into affection.

3. Most people think Tara is rude. They don’t blame them, mainly because they kind of are. They communicate primarily through blunt comments and long-suffering sighs, actual enthusiasm hidden behind a layer of armor. It’s a defense mechanism, albeit a horrible and often negative one.

4. As a child Tara had always been too much. Too bossy, too serious and sullen and prone to acts of mild melodrama like calling daycare teachers fascist ogres or “borrowing” every book in their family library one by one until their room became a fortress of bound leather and paper. They were terminally weird, the kind of kid that made adults chuckle and peers cringe. Their mother called it precociousness. Most people called it being a pain in the ass. They were, Tara thinks, both right.

5. Tara doesn’t have a father. Or, rather, they do and it doesn’t matter. Lea Dreschner, heiress to a family legacy of railway barons and stock market kings, had known a man once upon a time as a rich girl with nothing to do. Things ended, as relationships so often do, and she found that she was pregnant. She describes Tara as a happy accident, the thing that helped her decide what she wanted out of life. These days Lea works as a motivational speaker talking about finding your inner light and living as a summer breeze, listing sentimental declarations on life and love that Tara can’t bring themselves to believe. Lea is everything her child is not; optimistic, enthusiastic, extroverted and often naive. It’s easy to see that she was sheltered in a way that Tara never could have been. Lea sees life as a fairytale and, almost as a result, Tara sees it as all too real.

6. This is not to say that Tara dislikes their mother. They love her. Lea Dreschner was for a time the only one who stood by her child, who insisted that there was nothing wrong with a child that was a little serious and uptight and prone to lecturing about injustice. It was Lea, when Tara came out at fourteen, who made buttons and threw a party for two with streamers and cake frosted with pronouns. She’s silly and Tara needs a little bit of silliness just as her mother needs someone to bring her down to earth.

7. It was natural, when Lea began making friends in the neighborhood, that Tara would tag along. Spending time with Denna and Preston was always refreshing, kids of the same age who always seemed to understand that their lack of expression didn’t mean a lack of enthusiasm.

8. Tara hates their family home. It’s a McMansion monstrosity, all beige and spiraling staircases and tacky granite floors, that Lea had bought when she’d decided to settle down. Their childhood bedroom has been altered greatly over the years; walls are covered in posters of everything from 1930’s public health warnings to bands they haven’t listened to in years, polaroids and dried herbs hanging above their bed, colorful rugs scattered across the floor, and a shade over their light that tints the whole room green.

9. In Preston’s Dnd campaign, which Tara pretends to still not know all the rules to, Tara plays a wood elf bard named Madge (They insisted they couldn’t think of a more creative name). They insisted Preston let them create a spell and now “Wonderwall” is their go-to move. The rest of the time they do everything they can to avoid a fight, leading Madge to make many options that lean worryingly evil.

10. A word that could be used to describe Tara is particular. Another is exacting. Perhaps the most accurate would be control freak.

11. Tara looks way cooler than they actually are. They care about clothes and style in a very particular way and their mother has always indulged their whims. Many people say that Tara presents more feminine, but Tara thinks that’s kind of bullshit. Their hair may be grown out long, but it’s more 70s shag than anything else. A lot of their clothes lean retro- bell bottoms and crop tops and big ugly jackets with big clunky boots to top it all off. And if sometimes they wear a bitchin’ dress, well, that’s no one’s business but their own.

12. In their sophomore year of high school, Tara began selling their old clothes and their mother’s vintage online for petty cash. Years later their shop Despoena has achieved an impressive amount of popularity and has expanded into an online vintage store, as well as selling a couple indie clothing, makeup and skincare brands. Tara does not make clothing themselves, but they have a good eye for curating a specific image. The store’s official instagram has far more followers than their personal one, which is how they like it. No one except Denna and Preston even know they run the store, though others might know of it.

13. They know they’re hardly charming enough to be the face of the enterprise, so they keep it purposefully anonymous. The store’s official blog and social media is amiable in a way that Tara is incapable of being, seeming authentic and soft while still professional.

14. Tara recently found out that the amazing designs they’d seen around town are by Naia and they will walk over broken glass to get her stuff in their store. They just don’t know how to ask her.

15. It’s too silly and unsure for Tara to admit wanting it, but in moments where they’re truly honest about their goals they want to expand Despoena into something even bigger. They’ve started taking business classes, but they’re too nervous to talk about it with anyone besides Preston (Not Denna. It’s petty, but they like keeping something from her like how they know she’s keeping something from them). It feels ridiculous for someone as practical as them to be dreaming so big.

16. Imagine Despoena as a cross between Nasty Gal and Goop. There’s a focus on a natural minimalism with quirky touches. Down below I’ll link to some of the clothes and stuff I think would be on there. If I could do literally anything in photoshop I would make a logo, but I’m actually garbage sooo… sorry.

17. Tara was raised on health food and their deep dark shame is that they basically hoard circus peanuts. They’ve been vegetarian basically since birth in addition to being kosher and circus peanuts are neither. They taste like toxic bananas and are orange for some reason and they always have a bag hidden under their bed.

18. Tara and Heath would actually probably get along if Tara were able to talk to Heath without immediately hating them. If anything they could bond over starting a business anonymously or being ridiculously protective of Denna. This isn’t even a headcanon this is just something I realized while writing this.

19. Tara is more cold than angry. If they’re mad at you, you might not even know until a month later.

20. They don’t really look pretty. Or attractive or whatever, despite having the bone structure of an angel. And they don’t want to be attractive. When it comes to their personal look, Tara revels in the strange and interesting. They’re far more likely to wear a sweatshirt patterned with cockroaches than one of the simple and fun dresses you’d find on Despoena. It’s not that Tara dislikes that style- they love it, it’s why their store is the way it is. But for themselves they can only accept it in diluted doses; a simple blouse only feels right when combined with the most trashed thrift store jeans that they have and ostentatious costume jewelry. It’s with the combination of the staid and the bizarre that Tara can feel like themselves, rather than picking a side to stick to.

21. All of Tara’s favorite movies are campy B horror. They love the cartoonish performances and technicolor gore. Preston and Denna have, in their time, been forced to watch many. Tara has most of them memorized line-for-line. They often lament that their wardrobe could use more neon pink-orange bloodstains ala Suspiria.

22. Tara is guarded, but deeply protective of anyone they consider a friend. If someone hurts someone that they care about, they will hate that person for the rest of time. It’s a passion that they don’t have in regards to defending themselves. Tara doesn’t care about people who might have been cruel to them once upon a time, but anyone who ever pushed Denna or Preston on the playground better watch out.

23. Tara was raised Jewish, but doesn’t practice heavily. They still identify as culturally Jewish, go to the synagogue on Yom Kippur, and do their best to keep kosher, mainly out of habit. Since they’re vegetarian, it mainly means feeling weird about cheese made with animal rennet. One time they tried bacon out of curiosity and honestly? Not worth it.

24 At 6’1, they’ve always been one of the tallest people they know. Whenever they interact with someone taller they get grumpy. It’s not something they’re self-conscious about; rather, they see it as something that helps define them.

25. Tara does, in fact, know things about video and tabletop games. They just have horrible twitch reflexes and a bad habit of getting sidetracked on quests no one thought of making, like trying to break down the government of a fantasy world and replace it with a functioning democracy instead of doing fun things and killing dragons.

26. Sometimes Tara appears on Preston’s channel, often to fail horribly at Overwatch (they main Zarya because she’s cute, but have no idea how to play her). Their main appearances are on a very rarely updated series where Tara plays Grand Theft Auto with Preston and tries to accomplish a very specific task that isn’t actually in the game (i.e: buying a pizza, working out at the gym).

27. Part of the reason Tara likes to focus on other people is because it means they don’t have to think about their own problems and mistakes. It’s easier to help a friend than to help yourself.

28. Tara’s romantic history is… complicated. They’ve never been in an official relationship, just flings that occasionally seemed like they might be more. Sometimes when they’re too depressed for their own good they wonder if they’re incapable of anything more, if that’s the cost of seeing the complicated parts of people first.

29. I have a half-formed wisp of an idea that might be really stupid, but I think in high school Tara had a crush on one of Denna’s significant others and nothing happened but they still feel really guilty and gross about it.

30. Tara would rather be miserable than possibly hurt one of their friends.

31. For all of middle school and the first two years of high school, Tara had braces and (occasionally) headgear. It was horrible and part of the reason why they rarely smile or show their teeth.

32. Halloween is Tara’s favorite holiday. They would always give their candy to Preston and Denna as a kid, because their favorite part was going all out with costumes and decorations. Their costumes have only gotten more elaborate over the years and they rope friends into joining them. In the vague future where everything’s cool and they’ve accepted Denna and Heath’s relationship, they finally get to accomplish their dream of going as the cast of Scooby Doo with Pluto as Scooby.

[wyattm]

Looker is a Faller and how to stiffarm ORAS into the Pokemon cannon (BAD fan theory)

I'm embarrassed I wrote this and I’m more embarrassed to call it fan theory.

Looker as a Faller is a complicated theory.  It implies that Looker forgot literally everything that happened to him before ORAS, which no one realistically likes.  Let's not ALSO do that to Looker guys- Nintendo already took his daughter from him, killed his partner pokemon, and had him make a mistake that cost a teammate their life.  Seriously, Looker is a tragic figure without having lost his memories we don't need to go overboard Nintendo this is a children's game for the love of the deity of your choosing stop doing this to Looker.

Moreover, it makes placing UB-05 round 1 and ORAS in a timeline against each other fairly difficult.  Mathematically speaking, ORAS should have happened slightly before UB-05.  UB-05 happened ten years before the release of SuMo, so ~2006 in real years at the absolutely earliest.  Ruby/Sapphire was released in ‘03, so Looker falling in a wormhole should have been somewhere in the 2003-2006 time span.  If Looker lost all his memories at the latter part of that window, getting him back to speed enough to take on a wormhole ultrabeast supermonster would be... a little difficult, to say the least.  He’s implied to be a reputable agent when he goes up against UB-05 and totally not a Faller, since they already had one damn Faller.

HOWEVER

Let us consider, for a moment, a world with the following assumptions:

a. UB-05 happened prior to ORAS or at a point with slight timeline overlap.

b. ORAS is not a cash grab, and should instead be taken seriously and put in the timeline as a revision of the RSE events.

Obviously, B is something we should never consider.  Mega evolution should not have been anywhere in a RSE remake and I think we can all agree on that fact.  ORAS is not, under any circumstances, part of the Pokemon cannon.

But, if it WAS, an overview of these potential events...

Looker fucks up the first UB-05 mission pretty hard.  His teammate is dead, his boss is FUCKING PISSED, and there's no undoing his mistake.  What's the reasonable solution here? Well, take the next wormhole related mission that pops on the board obviously, because this is Looker.  While Nanu might be like 'fuck this we're going back to the terrorism and organized crime', Looker doesn't give up.  He's going to fight wormhole monsters and he’s not going to stop until he beats them all.

Except, he fucks that up too and falls in the wormhole instead.  It spits him back out in Hoenn with no memories of how he got there.  The International Police doesn't make an effort to recover him.  MC in ORAS finds Looker, and he lives out the next few years in total and confused anonymity, probably working as a maid custodian at the Battle Resort.  In the meantime, Anabel joins the International Police and gets sent to work with Nanu for a while.  Eventually Nanu quits and nobody hears from him again.

Then, sometime before Pt, another International Police member notices Looker bumbling his way around and realizes he's that reportedly-dead agent and probably needs collecting.  Time to shuffle our dear, favorite linguistically-gifted pseudo-detective back into the peacekeeping business.  The IP probably never makes the connection that he fell in the wormhole in the first place.  Maybe he doesn't actually emit any radiation?  Maybe he's being treated as a backup Faller?  Maybe he wasn't supposed to go chasing wormholes in the first place and they assume he AWOL'd like Nanu eventually did?  Who knows.  They clearly don't tag him as a Faller, because why waste two Fallers on the same UB mission?

Since Looker has no memories whatsoever, the IP hands him a file with all his old mission reports and tells him to study up.  Psychology is for assholes around these parts, you'll figure it out on your own, agent.  Looker probably can't reconcile with this 100kr fellow and winds up ultimately picking a new code name, but he effectively knows the straight facts of his life prior to the wormhole.  More of a past than coworker Anabel gets, so he shrugs it off and bottles it.  The IP unceremoniously ships him off to Sinnoh (GET BACK TO WORK) and Looker has to recruit MC into helping him, because honestly he has no idea what he's doing.  He can't really function on his own.

Reading up on his life vs remembering his life brings in some interesting ideas:

1. Looker would know UBs are attracted to Fallers, but he doesn't piece together just from the mission reports that they're bait.  An official report probably doesn't include that kind of fun fact.  Looker doesn't read between the lines on the matter- it's just one of a million other reports about his life that he needs to slog through and memorize.  

At the time of the mission, he probably did realize that the Faller only came to bait the UB.  Maybe he and Nanu even had a long, drawn out discussion about how fucked up this is and how they need to protect their Faller at all costs.  It would partially explain why Nanu is still disgruntled over it in SuMo while basically acknowledging she was supposed to die per procedure, as Looker is more "ah shit, ten years later and I finally figured out she was bait".

Thusly, Looker doesn't realize Anabel is actual bait until Nanu makes him think about it.  He only knows she's at higher risk on this mission.   As such, he doesn't really do anything to protect her until Nanu shows up, besides helpfully being all "oh no I'll get it" (which earns him a "sit the fuck down did you really forget you have no pokemon").

2. Nanu shows up to help because he doesn't think Looker remembers anything about the first round of UB-05.  On top of Anabel dying, Alola would be in actual trouble if the mission goes south... time to nut up and check that this asshole remembers how it's done.  Nanu certainly doesn't seem to have a different plan for all this anyway, besides volunteering a slightly better Faller.  Why does he keep showing up, if not to personally confirm Looker knows the facts of their last mission?  He's clearly got people to handle reporting UB locations, and yet, he's acting like the Kahuna he's supposed to be for some inexplicable reason.

3. Looker doesn't recognize Nanu and it takes him a couple minutes to piece together that the rando waltzing into his hotel room is THE 000.  His phrasing for that scene is a little weird, like he's trying to remember who Nanu is vs. 'holy shit it's my old partner' (I realize that translation issues are a thing... let's disregard).  Maybe one of the reports had a picture of Nanu?  Maybe Nanu's on a wanted poster? Maybe he has vague memories of Nanu

As far as remembering all the Alolan restaurants?  Let's be real... it's Looker.  He probably dedicates an entire page of his final mission reports to food.  It’s a little easier to say he read about it than explain he’s been here before and has no memory of eating here the first time.

... And for an alternate version of this theory, basing it around my previous 'Nanu-was-a-soft-neutral-evil-in-his-IP-days' theory:

Looker didn't intend to find himself in a wormhole in the first place.

Before they even left Alola, Nanu got pissed the hell off at Looker and threw him in one.  As far as Nanu cared to report about it, two agents died and one doesn’t have a recoverable body, which is why Anabel really doesn't realize they know each other (100kr is a field agent who died on 000′s Alola mission years ago, Looker is the really nice field agent with the awkward speech habits). The IP doesn't know Looker could be UB bait.  When they do recover a still alive but not exactly coherent Looker in Hoenn, Nanu cuts and runs from the IP before he's forced into providing an explanation (...which would explain why Nanu appears to be a persona non grata with the IP).

Anyway, if you read this far, here's a reminder to never, ever take me seriously.

Much credit to @medicalalucard for pretending to entertain this idea and also for trying to talk me out of it entirely.

[dawnajaynes32]

HOW Design Live 2017: A Recap (Part 2)

Editor’s Note: This is Part 2 of a full recap of HOW Design Live by Maureen Adamo. Check out Part 1 here.

HOWies, as conference attendees call themselves, share a language designers really don’t get to use all that often. Creative folks can work a little to get some of the design-speak to rub off in client communications, or maybe help a significant other understand a frustration with the Google clip art they used to make the logo for their Meetup group. Though there’s always a ceiling there, and you can really only expect a fellow designer to dig into the conversation about why you never ever use that typeface.

The HOW Design Live 2017 conference presented designers with a chance to use that language in a dialogue largely focused on four themes: honesty or authenticity, seduction or the role that love plays in communication, change and the technologies that can revolutionize design in the coming years, and the boldness designers can bring to their work and life to create bigger impact in the areas that matter to them.

Thursday

Design Thinking is Bullsh*t

Natasha Jen, Pentagram

“The ultimate operating system will be our minds.”

OK, so, as someone who’s dabbled in work with startups and played around the think-speak that comes with the territory, I admit there have been aspects of the design thinking philosophy that felt pretty good on the surface. Like, finally, people are beginning to see design is more than a pretty face! But there’s always been this tiny bit of unease with it that I couldn’t really pin down, and Natasha Jen helped put that to rest.

Design thinking is not design. It sounds a lot like it, though, with the ‘d’ word right at the beginning, so the confusion is understandable. Have you ever tried to ferret out the actual definition? It’s incredibly self-referential and circular and Natasha Jen throws out all the cliches and bywords that never communicate anything concrete: solutions, alignment, co-creation, traction, ideation, deep design (???), radical innovation and user outcomes, among others. Design thinking, she says, is literally trying to think like a designer. “Design thinking packages a designer’s way of thinking for non-designers in a strict methodology so that anyone can solve design problems.” 

Jen goes on to say that real designers surround themselves with evidence, since they’re always studying artifact and interaction. She says design is too complex to be distilled into a single methodology, and goes on to imagine some pretty radical futures for what design looks like when it’s actually designed, forecasting that the next great interface will be no interface.

5 Things Keeping You from Being a Great Creative Director

David Lesué, Workfront 

“‘A’ players hire ‘A’ players; ‘B’ players hire ‘C’ players.”

David Lesué immediately apologized for the assumptions baked into his conference title. A) Who says you’re not already a great creative director? And who says he can tell you how to be a better one? B) It’s not really what he meant to say anyway. A more accurate description for his talk, he said, would be something like “Five misconceptions about being a creative director and five replacement beliefs.” It’s not as sexy, but it’s real.

With such a straightforward premise, the question begs to be answered. What are these misconceptions and beliefs?

Great work speaks for itself
 Lesué says not so, that all work needs translation. Clients won’t naturally understand the work, because it wasn’t made for them, it was made for their audience. Concepts and ideas need to be explained so clients won’t pass on the best solution because it doesn’t feel right to them.

Process kills creativity
 Think this instead: Just enough process unlocks creativity. You can figure out how to automate what he called the “roadie work,” the drudge production and organizational tasks, with good habits (like consistent file naming and project/task intake) and task management so that you have more time to pursue higher level thought.

It’s my job to the best
 Nope, it’s your job to make your team better. You can’t be afraid to hire people who show more skill as a designer, or a whatever, than you have. The focus as a creative director is on building the best possible team.

The client is always right
 High five, yeah? Instead of deferring to clients indiscriminately, Lesué says you get what you put up with and that you’re constantly training clients on how you’d like to be treated. An example: Lesue’s team works in a consistent cadence, so clients are familiar enough with the group’s flow to know any project requests have to be made ahead of their weekly planning session to make it into the schedule in a timely fashion.

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right
 Instead of sweating every last detail of every project that hits your desk, be uncompromising when it matters. Another example: Lesué doesn’t ask his team to hit home runs with they’re asked to clean up the company dodge ball team logos that have been designed by other departments.

How to Cheat: Creative Domination Through Villainy

Stefan Mumaw

“We’re given a box to work in. We must learn to circumvent the rules and cheat.”

Stefan Mumaw donned a black ensemble, complete with mustache and eye patch to teach designers how to be wickedly creative. He presented three steps, with exercises. First, you need to think like a villain. “Villains know the rules so well, they know how to get around them.” Second, you should live in the leading, which can be translated as, “What does the creative brief not say we can’t do?” And third, you need to understand the end game. A simple way to cut to the heart of a project’s goal is to ask “Why?” And Stefan suggests asking it three times. When you get to the third answer, you’re probably dealing with the really important objectives and the hows and whats you started with can then be bent to your evil designs.

Make What’s Important to You Important to Others

Jeff Greenspan

“We need to steal back, and we need to steal everything.”

Jeff Greenspan was tired of the media monotone and lack of good questions around the Edward Snowden issue. He decided to create a conversation the media could pick up on by installing a 400-pound bust of the outlaw on top of a park monument. We, too, can provoke debate over issues that matter to us. Though Greenspan highly recommends you have a lawyer on standby; the guerrilla installation almost landed the stunt’s co-creators in jail.

Using his training in advertising and communications, Greenspan launched other projects — some with less serious ramifications to his freedom — to continue to challenge assumptions prevalent in mainstream conversation, including issues of privacy and white-collar crime, with art. (Not all his work of such enormous gravity, he’s also the originator of the Hipster Trap.)

When attempting cultural subversion on your own, Greenspan says you need to be clear about your project’s goals and not be beholden to how you think events will unfold. Some things will fall into place in fortuitous happenstance, as he described in his Snowden project, that would have been impossible to plan for and can strengthen your statement if you’re able to go with the flow.

Friday

Speak to be Heard: Communicating Your Best Ideas

Eleanor Handley

“We come into the world knowing how to use ourselves, and somewhere along the way we constrict ourselves.”

You’re already good at communicating. You just forgot how to do it. Kind of like how we were born weird and open and passionate and creative, and then life happened and we pretended to be different people. To help us start using our voices again, Eleanor Handley reminds us that how we sound is more important than what we say — a concept any Eddie Izzard fan would be familiar with.

Spoken communication is more physical than we allow for and she offers three rules: It comes from using more of ourselves, not less (don’t confuse being authentic with being small), great communication comes from focusing more on the other person, and you do not need to feel confident to project confidence. So there’s no reason to delay your public speaking career until you feel like a big enough badass, ok?

Handley says since we have most control over what we do, more so than being able to stop a particular thought or feeling in the moment it happens, we can work to improve communication with specific actions and habits. Do some deep breathing exercises before a presentation, make sure to warm up your vocal cords (you can pretend you’re talking into a cell phone to sneak this into your schedule, if you need), and remember to pause anywhere there is a natural stop in your speech, like periods or commas between lengthy phrases. The silence isn’t as long as it feels like it is to you, and it gives you a moment to breathe and think about the words that come next.

Saturday

Master the Art of Seduction

Pum Lefebure, Design Army

“Pum, don’t think of yourself as a designer. Think like a seducer.”

As a perfectionist in recovery, it took me a while to realize how true it is that our vulnerability is what allows us to connect. So, I was immediately pulled into Pum Lebefure’s talk when she described a scene in which she was watching an H&M ad she created and acted in. She was gazing into her own giant face on the glowing screens in Times Square, then looked at everyone around her and realized, “Nobody cares!”

The market is beyond noisy, so she told herself she needed to launch an all-out campaign of seduction. She says the journey to purchase has now become the journey to fall in love and brands should learn how to flirt, romance and seduce, because consumers are looking for more than a happy transaction. When it’s done, she says, good design has to entice all the senses.

Change. Change. Change.

Alina Wheeler

“He was always leaving the earth, always going other places.”

An obsession with David Bowie is a unique kind of gift, especially when you’ve studied the man and the magician to the extent Alina Wheeler has. The session she presented was an electrifying homage to his genius and his legacy, imparting his life and art as one who has gone before to show us the way. The musically-punctuated presentation rocked through Bowie’s many personas, encouraging designers to become masters of their image, inviting the continual reinvention of identity and passions. Possibilities are endless, Wheeler and Bowie say, and nobody does it alone. Build creative collaborations, and use them as fuel for your own fires. Always keep moving and know when to come, know when it’s time to go. And because the legend made what he loved up until he knew it was time to go, he lived it well: “It’s never too late to become what you could have been.”

What Happens Next

David Carson

“If you want kid art, have a kid do it.”

I wish I knew for sure what David Carson thought was next. I heard his presentation went 45 minutes over time, and I had to duck out at the 15-minutes-over mark. Without having the benefit of that last half hour or so, it seems the thru-line of his commentary, as he playfully walked through slides on his extremely unorganized laptop, was about the honesty, transparency and humor with which he does his work — which is also the way he seems to view the world. He shared found art he had captured and unabashedly enjoyed (a wide array of visual puns and tomfoolery) as well as his advice on how designers might have careers as long and illustrious as his (comparison mine). Every image was perfectly captured with philosophical design epigrams: 

“It’s important to put things where they don’t obviously want to go.”

“Just do it, but don’t always center it.”

“Never snap to guides.”

“My Helvetica poster was done in Franklin Gothic.”

And some of his direction was a little more … direct:

“Be open to things you’re not expecting while you’re working.”

“Don’t mistake legibility for communication.”

“The time you spend on the work is proportional to the time consumers will spend with it.”

It was especially amusing, as I listened to him describe his pieces, to remember all the conversations I’ve had in which the desired outcome was essentially the reverse-engineering of something David Carson has done. And when you hear Carson talk about his process and how he arrives at his destination, it’s just not possible to do what he does backwards, sideways, bent over or upside down. What he does is who he is, and that’s essentially what he’s asked us to do, too. Carson asks us to put ourselves in the work and get more personal. He says, “Nobody can pull from who you are like you can.”

Closing

This year was amazing and was again so much more than I could absorb with one set of eyes and ears. The Draplin pop-up shop returned to the exhibit hall mid-day Thursday to much fervor and excitement. The whole HOW community banded together to make sure Justin Ahren’s Wheels4Water fundraising campaign exceeded the week’s $10,000 goal, providing clean water for more than 250 Ugandans for life.

And when it comes to the big ideas, the message to take home, it seems like thoughts on strategy and technique, seats at the table (though we still want those, please), ROI, etc., were upstaged by a not-too-overwhelming, but sincere plea. At varying degrees of intensity, the experts, design leaders and visionaries I could cram into five exhilarating days of reconnection, was for more. Our design leaders and legends want more from us. They’re asking designers to be the more that we want to be. The more that has a voice, the more that gives and shares and grows, the more that boldly goes into the future designers are innately equipped to know how to get to when things get complicated. At the very least, it’s a vivid enough dream to wake us every day for the next year with the question, “What would be great? What would be amazing?”

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