#WE'RE NOT THRIVING OVER HERE THATS FOR SURE

[leyyvi]

after being blonde for a while i think i’ve decided i look better with darker hair KJHFDJKGHKSJFD

[evie-sturns]

𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙜𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 - 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙩 𝙎𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙤

summary: you and matt had previously dated for a few years until him and his brothers grew famous, where matt became arrogant and self centered. fast foward to to present, a couple years later. you have moved on from matt completly until you run into him at an influencer party, what will unfold when you approach him? will you two rekindle or will the wall stay strong between you two.

contains: angst, arguing, swearing, fluff, making out.

—---------------└─── °∘❉∘° ───┘--------———

(2 years ago)

i lay on the couch next to matt, my head resting on his shoulder as the tv rambles. hes invested in his phone, typing every few seconds.

hes been filming videos with his brothers, chris and nick, for the past year or two, and they've just hit 3 million subscribers.

matt clears his throat before moving my head off him, "i gotta talk to you, yeah?"

my eyebrows furrow, i look over at matt who has an unreadable expression on his face. I nod slowly with a hum, "i don't know how to say this, but uh-... nick chris and i have decided to move to l.a with laura."

what?

"what?" i instantly reply, my stomach drops to my knees.

"gotta chase them dreams." he shrugs casually, picking up his phone.

anger starts to bubble inside of me, why the fuck is he being so nonchalant about moving across the whole country? what am i gonna do, just be left here and forgotten about?

"what the hell matt!" i say, raising my voice and slamming the phone out of his hand, he throws his hands up defensively. "are you being fucking serious right now?" i yell, "calm down bro?" he mumbles, picking his phone back up.

i stay silent, waiting for matt to speak, or atleast a solution. he just stays silent, looking around the room. "matt, what am i gonna do." i sigh, trying to contain myself.

"uh.. not sure?" matt leans back on the couch. "like you can come with if you want but i won't really.." he pauses for a few seconds

"have time for you..? i mean we're staying in lauras apartment which doesnt have enough space anyway but you could always sleep on the couch or something."

i scoff, "so this is it?" tears start to roll down my cheeks. "if you can't handle my fame and me moving then thats not my problem." he runs a hand through his hair before standing up.

without another word I'm upstairs and packing my suitcase, I'm leaving.

(Current time)

ever since matt and i's messy breakup ive been moving around alot, i spent the first month or so living with my parents, where i started content creating on various platforms. i would be lying if i said i didn't get popular, over the past 2 years ive gained a few million followers.

a year ago today i moved to l.a, where i've been thriving.

9:38pm

"y/n come on!" i hear yolanda, my roomate, shout from downstairs, today i've been invited to a party for influencers, i think. i run downstairs in my baby pink stiletto heels. yolanda is wearing a long shimmering black dress with a large slit up to the mid thigh. "hottie" i tease as i walk past her.

"shush" she replys with a wide grin, i walk outside to find our uber waiting patiently "yoyo!" i yell back to her as she scrambles around to find her purse.

i climb into the uber, "my bad, my friends coming now."

yolanda comes running outside, swinging open the door to the uber and crawling over me. i laugh slightly at her, she glares at me while applying lip gloss.

"you okay?" i ask her, "just nervous, its weird being a plus one to a party where i know famous people will be." she replies with a breath.

"you'll be okay gorg, i have no idea whos even going so we'll just stay together hm?" i say comfortingly, watching the lively streets of l.a outside the window.

the uber comes to a stop outside a large beachside mansion, i give him a quick thankyou before grabbing yolandas hand and approaching the house. the blaring music is audible from outside the house.

we walk up the stairs together, our heels clicking in sync on the marble steps. the doors to the house are wide open, the first person i see when i come inside makes my heart drop.

christopher sturniolo

my breath hitches in my throat, theres thankfully no sight of matt, i mean hes never really been one for partys. i feel physically sick when me and chris lock eyes, i guess i look different since the last time i saw him, 2 years ago.

I haven't really thought about matt since i moved to l.a, the last person i wouldve expected to see here is his triplet brothers.

i shoot yolanda a look, she looks equally has disturbed as me.

i decide to keep navigating through the various bunches of people, i look back and yolandas gone, flirting with some random instagram male model. i scoff with a smile.

i turn my body back around, an audible gasp escapes my mouth as matt sturniolo stands infront of me,

alone.

he smiles awkwardly with a wave, he looks me up and down while he clutches the cup in his hand so tight his knuckles go white. "you look different." matt says, his voice shaking from nerves

"charming." i roll my eyes.

"no!- no i meant in a good way, i mean in a platonic way, but you look different, sorry-.. how are ya doing.." matt rambles, stammering over every word.

a small smile forms on my face, which instantly drops when i remember the events of what happened the last time i saw him. "i've been doing really good actually." i reply, nodding my head slowly.

"yeah, i saw !thats awesome you got selected for that peoples choice awa-rds..." matt says before stopping himself, i laugh slightly.

has he been stalking me? that got announced an hour ago.

"thanks matt, how have you been?" i ask, he takes a small breath "i've been good, yeah.." matt says, he clearly doesn't think the world revolves around him like how he did 2 years ago.

another silence fills the air between us, but he breaks it. "do you wanna come with me?" matt asks abruptly, my eyebrows furrow "sure?"

he reaches out a hand subtly, i take it.

he guides us through hundreds of people, yolanda eyes me down with her jaw slack, i shrug my shoulders with a smile back at her. the night hair hits my revealed skin as matt lets my hand go slowly.

"should we go sit on the sand?" i ask quietly while we walk side by side on the footpath.

-

10:12pm

matt and i have been walking side by the shoreline for a few minutes, catching up on the past 2 years of no contact

"wait so you're at 6 million?" i laugh in shock, he shakes his head with a smile "shut up!!"

"no like, congratulations matt thats really awesome."

he shrugs it off with a playful nudge to my shoulder,

the past 30 minutes or so neither of us have brought up the last time we spoke, our last interaction, the final fight. i think we both don't want to ruin what we have going on right now.

a silence forms as the ripple waves crash onto the shore, my palms are sweating from the warmth from the night. "wanna go sit up there? in the dunes?" matt asks, pointing up the beach. "oh-..oh yeah!" i agree chirpily, snapping out of my somewhat 'trance'

he leads us away from the water up into the sand dunes, the mound of sand and grass behind us acting as privacy. he flops down onto his back, laying down on the sand. I lay down close beside him, our legs touching against eachother.

"i want to talk to you about what happened that night." i blurt out softly, just from the plain moonlight i can see matts cheeks are a deep maroon. he nods "yeah." with a shaky sigh.

"i was an asshole, like proper crazy." he says in a serious tone.

"honest to god i think the fame was making me go insane, i thought i was so much better than.. everyone? i never shouldve told you like that, or moved in general" he rambles, guilt painted in his voice.

"matt, moving was best for you." i cut him off, but he instantly snaps back

"i don't think it was? i miss you so much."

i sit up, the loose sand falling off my back "and i never really moved on, i'm so grateful i found you tonight 'cause the guilt has been eating away at me, and im so sorry, i am so fucking sorry." matt mumbles slightly.

i nod understandably "i think we needed the break, i can see you've changed a lot, for the better."

matt sits up too, sand grains scattered in his brunette locks as his tongue pokes out quickly to wet his lips. his eyes stare into mine before he reaches out a hand to grab my jaw, right under my ear.

"can I kiss you?"

i nod frantically "yeah-of course"

matt leans in, his body shifting on the sand while the calm waves crash onto the shoreline.

his lips meet mine, a distant familiar feeling that i hate to admit but ive really missed, even though ive forced myself not to.

his tongue asks for enterance, which i quickly allow. his tongue slips into my mouth,

i move my hair to one side before hooking one leg over his thigh, moving my body to straddle him while keeping our lips connected.

our kiss turns from gentle, to desperate. craving what we've missed for the past 2 years.

after a well-needed few minutes, we finally pull away from each other to catch our breath. panting fills the air before he pulls me into a tight hug his arms moving over my back as i stay seated on his lap. leaning onto his chest.

"i think we should retry, everything." he matt says into my hair as i rest my chin over his shoulder

"gotta agree with you on that one matthew." i laugh, joy overpowering me.

-

"matt there you fucking are!" a familiar voice yells from a few meters away. i look up, breaking matt and i's hug.

chris and nick are standing side by side with a shocked expression on their face. "holy shit!" nick laughs,

nick used to be one of my closest friends, but after the breakup with matt and i we were forced apart, i think after his brothers caught me ontop of matt it gave them the all clear to interact with me again.

i climb off of matts lap, running across the sand towards nick before leaping into his arms, the long fabric of my dress drowning nick.

"someone please fill me in" chris says cluelessly.

matt walks over to us 3, nick puts me down "uh yeah, we are retrying stuff after a chat, a really good one actually." he says, scratching the back of his head.

"oh my god thank you y/n, matt has not shut up about you for the past 2 years holy fuck." chris says after a dramatic gasp.

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this took so long to write i hope u guys really like it!

[theremustbeabear]

Erm hi. I'm unfamiliar with plurality so I just want to ask a few questions if thats ok... I feel like this is too long for discord.

1. How similar are your introjects (is that the appropriate way to say it? Your introjects? Or this system's introjects?) To the source material? Are they influenced by fanon? If the source material character/person is talked about, do they take it personally? Be it shipping, character crit, etc... OK sorry this is many questions at once.

2. When did altars start popping up, and when did you guys become aware that "oh here theres lots of us around"? Any particular formative events/memories that are associated with the development of your plurality?

3. Are hosts usually the "original" altar? I'm sorry, idk how to say this.

4. This is more for talking on discord and the such but do memories and conversations carry over? Would it be inappropriate to go like "we (me and an altar) talked about xyz" to another altar?

of course, happy to answer any questions anytime! and an obligatory disclaimer that these are own opinions/feelings and that other systems may not see or experience things the same way.

"your introjects" is perfectly fine! "you" is a singular or plural pronoun, so it doesn't matter. our introjects tend to start out quite close to the source material, and then develop naturally from there. we like to think of our source character as a sort of foundation, which we then build our own house on top of—it's important, but it's not the only thing, and the more of the house that's built, the less of the foundation you see. some folks end up changing a lot, over time, and others don't, it just depends on the individual. influenced by fanon also depends, sometimes we are, sometimes we aren't, sometimes our brain decides to go off in a wild uncharted direction and drag us through a hedge and spit out an introject that feels like the source character has been put through a paper shredder and reassembled into some weird half-recognizable paper mache sculpture. as for taking source talk personally, we generally don't experience anything more strongly than what the average person would feel upon seeing talk of their favourite character. we view our source characters quite separately from ourselves, especially once we've taken on a different name, but we do thrive on making jokes. it's very common for us to see character crit, and if it's from a friend, the relevant introject to pop up and go "what did i ever do to you :( why do you hate me :( /j" without actually meaning any of it. it's all in good fun. if we ever do feel too strongly about something, we remove ourselves or the introject in question and handle it privately.

early 2021 was our system discovery (often shortened to syscovery)! late may, i believe? a lot of systems tend to struggle with their discovery, spending a long time doubting and unable to fully interact with their headmates, but that wasn't us. our old host was dragging up unpleasant memories one night, and our brain got sick of it, and decided to make her stop by dumping an entire person directly on her head, which caused her to freak out and flee into the back. lalna, the new person, was utterly clueless, but knew she wasn't the host, and so poked around in the brain until she found johan, who had been there for a month or so previous, and johan took over to sort things out. so, it was a very jarring and sudden transition, because prior to that point, our existing headmates had been trying very hard to keep themselves hidden so as not to make problems for the host. we're still not exactly sure how old our system is, due to the size and construction of our headspace, but the oldest we've found so far is sable, who is at least from 2018, perhaps earlier. we're a traumagenic system--a system formed from trauma, that is--so we'd prefer not to disclose the details of that, but suffice it to say our old host was simply having trouble dealing with life on her own, and so the brain attempted to fix that problem by making it so that she, well, wasn't alone. in all fairness, it did work! three years on, we're much happier now than we were before, and wouldn't return to singularity for a million dollars.

hosts are often the "original" alter (or headmate, as we prefer—the term alter is standard, but also viewed as a little too clinical by a lot of systems. we don't mind it, we just prefer other terms), but not always. the generally-accepted term for an "original" alter is the "core", and our core is not our current host. she used to be, but mike took over about a month after our syscovery, and has held the position ever since. the exact definition of host is fluid between systems, but for the most part, it's simply the "main" headmate that is around most often and is sort of viewed as being "in charge". big shoutout to mike, by the way, he's incredible and a big reason why we're so functional and problem-free these days.

for us, they do! we're an osdd-1b system, so we have very little amnesia between alters, if any at all. the best way to explain it is that the front, where we have to be to interact with the outside world, and the body, have their own memory bank, of sorts, that's accessible by any headmate who is in the front at any time. right now, i can remember what angus was doing when we were playing video games this morning, and the jackbox games night two weeks ago, even though i wasn't entirely present for the first and completely out of front for the second. however, once i leave, i'll have no access to the knowledge of what's happening outside until i return, and the gaps will be filled in. it's a little odd at first, but once you're used to it, it's completely seamless, and is the reason why we often struggle to remember who was fronting for a past activity, and/or simply refer to the past vaguely using i/we without specifying. things are generally a little bit clearer when it was you, specifically, though—for example, i have no idea who started writing the hickgib fic in our drafts, even though i remember writing it, but i know that it wasn't me, particularly. this is because we also have our own personal memories that encapsulate source & things we might get up to in headspace outside of the front. all this to say: no, it's perfectly fine to mention talking to another alter, and honestly, we'd be glad for the reminder, lol, we've probably completely forgotten who was participating in the conversation and might want to drop them a line to jog our memory more clearly.

hope this helps! thanks for asking <3

[yolothh]

Chances are that it's because I've known of Hazbin Hotel and the Hellaverse for years now, but I refuse to believe that fans /or people who watch it are THIS dense.

The serie shows things and tells stories people just choose to ignore and at this point I'm convinced it isn't even in favour of aus and un-canon ideas, but the point totally flies over every body's head.

Starting off strong with the FUCKING AGE RATING because I've seen and heard too many kids (not 15-16 teens but legit 10/11 KIDS) singing the songs from the show.

[Boohoo I'm no prude and I used to watch stuff not age appropriate (porn/violence related) as a kid too, I know many people my age did, and what do we think of it? Yup, not that good.]

Anyways, here's a list of things that are literally stated in the pilot, the damn series and old comics but all that seem difficult to understand:

Alastor's aromantic and asexual

Heavily implayed from the start of times, said by the author, said by a character, to him, IN THE SHOW. And I'm not bothered about the fanarts and shipping cause thats no one's buisness honestly, but just...canon wise. plot wise. he Is Not Heterosexual.

It always seemed like a consistent part of who he is as a character, honestly. Which also brings me to point two:

he's not an angel

I was impressed by how Literally people take the songs lol. When he says he wants to unclip his wings or he has his "tail between his legs" (song with vox) it's not literal, but a figure of speech guys. He wants freedom and ran away scared. that all. Also it's known that he's a sinner demon, a cannibal and all the canon things.

Valentino hate

I get it he's toxic. But uhm...we're in hell. This serie really is a breath of fresh air honestly, cause morally ambiguous characters thrive in it. Nope, you don't have to have him as a favorite character, but we're in Hell. What did you expect? Schweppes?

Vaggie and Charlie are a couple and it's been obvius and canon since pilot

Yup, I've seen too many comments going "I thought they were sisters! Hate this kind of lesbian representation" or sum and honestly? Yall mad about nooothing, cause it really shows that they're a couple

VaGgIe Is An AnGeL???

Duh. I quote miss Carmine on this

Pretty sure there's more stuff that bothers me but now I can't remember lol

Anyways, after years of loving Helluva Boss and waiting on Hazbin, Vivienne really didn't disappoint. Neither did the Love and Attention this first season got. But stoppp being stubborn over canon eventsss

[mysterionrisez]

i admittedly have not watched most of, or even half of south park (new fan/little free time/poor attention span) so im sure there are MANY more examples to choose from.. but i feel like butters' bottom bitch is pretty representative of butters' autonomous control over his actions without really having full, conscious control. his internal motivations and external behaviors are clearer here than in his other Situations because 1. hes not in any way being puppeteered by cartman, so he does in fact have full control ("dude, we've created a monster.") and 2. he truly does not know what he's doing. we know already that butters is very emotionally immature, and has little understanding of himself or the world around him. throughout this whole episode, he's parroting the exact words and actions of others. it's clear by his permanently innocent tone of voice that his actions are never intentionally malicious. but at the same time, it's not because he was forced to make the decisions but because he can't pick up on intention, so he sees no issue with what he does. he just chooses whatever has the best outcome (money + a positive reputation) and at the same time minimal punishment.

because like.. the thing is that cartman doesn't really fear much. he doesn't fear punishment or anything. he finds ways to work around punishment, and of course much of this has to do with being raised by liane cartman, vs butters who is raised by the stotches. but he considers each factor of every Ruse he carries out, including the aftermath. and as weird as it is to say... cartman does have some form of empathy, he's TERRIFYINGLY good at understanding where people are coming from and working from whatever angle they're at. so everything he does is intentional. he never accidentally goes overboard. he knew what he was doing every step of the way in the scott tenorman episode. he knew what he wanted, and he got exactly that, as fucking deranged as it all was. and in many ways, this makes him worse than butters. because he's just like... an implicitly evil and disgusting person. who does bad things, and thrives off of that. but he never really does much more than he needs.

however, in a lot of ways butters is a lot scarier! because he DOESNT have empathy, he DOESNT make conscious choices, and he DOESNT know when he went overboard. when butters is "intentionally evil" we end up with professor chaos, who is more or less, in the show at least, shown to be harmless. even though thats his "evil persona", he doesnt actually know which actions are EVIL and which aren't. all of his self perceived "evil" actions, like in professor chaos & the ungroundable, are just things that lead to punishment. he doesn't do anything "immoral" in super fun time but he was TOLD to stay with cartman and he KNOWS that being told to do something = being punished if he doesnt. but all that's to say, he doesn't seem to understand what's wrong with pimping girls out on the playground, despite that being like.. an actually way scummier thing to do than ditching a school trip. like, in the scene where hes trying to recruit wendy and bebe into his whole mission, despite the fact that they're both clearly like hey! we're uncomfortable! and with stan telling him off, too, he only takes it as "oh, they don't want to do this. but i can convince them why it'd actually be the most beneficial option." like.. he CANNOT wrap his head around why they wouldn't wanna be whored out yknow, lol.

and i just thought of this now.. but this premise is made especially clear in post covid. cartman grows into a better person... behaviors wise, but from what we can tell all of his motivations are the same. he just knows that starting fresh, being nicer, starting a family, presenting as a jewish convert... will give him more credibility than everything he did as a kid. he just like, actually KNOWS these things. but who ACTUALLY grew up to become a classic supervillain was BUTTERS. and then we meet him, and he still fucking acts like that. literally a manchild!!!!

[bidaryl]

need u to know that while i've written various words about this in my google docs, i woke up the other morning needing a slight break but also wanting the same world, and so naturally my brain was like.

oh. daryl wakes up at the start of the end. again.

for the second time.

and his first thought is fuck no. we're not doing this again.

but then he actually takes stock of the situation, using all his senses and his insticts that have grown so sharp over the years, and realises, it's different this time.

this time; his throats fucked, forever hoarse, after that run he went on that turned out to be an ambush, and denise and hershel told him he was lucky he could still talk, that he was lucky he even survived, after how deep the wire cut.

he's still got the scar on his hand from the fight with the claimers, when they stumbled upon him in that house in the woods and had him at knifepoint, and he's sure if he was to check, he'd have the scar of his back from them, too.

his entire body aches, feeling every bit of his fifty four years, and then some, and, his hair's long, a complete mess falling in his eyes.

finally stretches his awareness to the rest of the tent and realises–he's not alone. that there's an entire body basically on top of him, weighing him down, except it's a breathing pattern he knows and a heartbeat he takes comfort in, something so familiar and so ingrained into his body and brain–his heart–that he doesn't even think to register it as danger.

looks down at his daughter asleep on his chest and curls his arms around her protectively, breathing her in.

as long as she's in his arms, she's safe. he'll die making sure thats certain.

focuses back on the tent–the shitty, measly, bullshit tent that he pitched all the way back at the start–and thinks, fuck.

anyway! just the idea of the first time daryl woke up in the apocalypse, it was after losing almost everything, after he had so little left; that when he woke up, he looked around and saw it for the second chance it was, and took it.

that he never, not once, tried to go back.

like, sure, there was the occasional thought, especially at the start, when he was missing judith and rj. dog. the few other pieces of his family that had survived alongside him, that he'd left behind. but when it came down to it, he never put any real effort into trying to find out why he was there or how to get back. never figured out why him and carol and maggie and a few others got to start again, with all their memories still intact.

they just took it for what it was and used every memory to their advantage. built every bit of their future with the knowledge they had, and created something.

and it was good.

not perfect, some smaller disasters getting lost in the chaos of the wars, but for the most part, it worked.

it was as close to perfect as they were ever gonna get.

they saved so many of their nearest and dearest, and their family lived.

not just survived–lived.

the second chance was everything they needed to thrive.

except now, he's here, in his stupid fucking tent–again–and he's lived a hundred different lifetimes, or at least two more than he ever thought he would, and his daughter–his daughter–is in his arms, and he needs to go back.

needs to go back to before.

he doesn't want a third chance.

they got it right the second time.

he doesn't want to build everything from scratch again, lay the foundations of their future brick by brick just so he can hopefully, eventually, maybe, one day, get his family back.

doesn't want to have to fight and claw and beg and wait for his future, doesn't know if he could live through it all again.

just wants to wrap his kid up tight and take her home, where their family is alive and happy and thriving, their community so fucking warm and full, everyone having a job to do and everyone having a place to call home.

thinks, not for the first time, time travel is fucking bullshit.

time travel fix it au's are done to death in this fandom but also they're my favourite thing in the world so au where the entire show happens as is and it's heartbreaking and inspiring etc but then. restart button. waking back up at the start of the end except only the people that lived remember

wanna think about what would happen when daryl and carol wake up at camp, remembering everything that happened; carol stronger, knowing in her gut that everything that she remembers is real, and daryl fucking terrified, because if everything in his head actually happened, then what the fuck is this

wanna think about a rick dragging a hostile merle and a wide-eyed glenn back to camp, memories completely intact, and running to reunite with his family. not letting daryl go and hugging carol so so so tight, collapsing to the ground with carl in his arms

wanna think about them dragging the atlanta group to the farm, maggie leaving the front porch light on for them, and everyone reuniting. rick seeing hershel again, daryl seeing beth, carol pulling sophia close, and maggie being unable to even breath, looking at glenn

wanna think about them tossing up whether to even go to the prison, but they met important people there, and alexandria's a long way, and if they're gonna survive this time–if they're gonna live–they're gonna do it right

so they go to the prison so they can figure out their next step, and michonne's there and waiting, andre on her hip, and they deal with the governor before the governor deals with them, and sasha and tyresse finally show up, they find the prisoners, and then one day they get a knock on the front gate, and it's negan

negan showing up, no baseball bat in hand but his leather jacket still in place, a sick but alive lucille by his side, laura and doctor franklin behind him, and all he's got to say is at the end of the world, i know which side i wanna be on

the fallout of that, of maggie being against it, of rick never having gotten to see negan at the end, not knowing the choices he made, the good and the bad. daryl and carol looking at glenn, seeing him alive and in love and having no memory of his last moments, and never wanting anything to ruin that, but negan saved judiths life, helped save all their lives. he chose, in the end, and now it's their turn

wanna think about a future where beth doesn't die, but they go on a rescue mission to get noah anyway. a future where tara turns up with her niece, led by eugene with abraham and rosita following right behind him

wanna think about how they'd handle terminus, how they'd handle the claimers. wanna think about them trying to find father gabriel, except gabe made it the first time around, and he wasn't wasting his second chance. he saved his flock, and he led them to alexandria, and he's waiting

wanna think of connie's group searching for hilltop. not finding maggie, or alden, but finding jesus. wanna think about lydia, being a fucking child, and watching her mother kill her dad, and remembering aaron telling her how loved she was

wanna think of the growing pains of them being able to save so many more family members this time, but god, a larger group is harder to keep alive

daryl trying to run interference with merle and everyone else, getting the jack of it one day and telling him he's already mourned him once, and he won't again. if merle wants to stay–to live–then it's up to him. daryl's not gonna babysit him anymore

rick trying to find his footing between lori and shane and judith, with carl, with michonne and andre. michonne looking at a weak but alive lori grimes holding a screaming and crying newborn in her arms, and knowing that she's never gonna be her daughter the way she was before, but knowing she'll always be something to her

carol struggling to be the mother sophia needs her to be, emotions too sharp and constantly fucking terrified. doesn't know how to hold onto someone like that anymore, either gripping too tight or not at all

maggie trying to exist in a world where she has everyone she's ever loved back, so close and so fucking dear, except it cost her her son. not knowing if she'll ever get him back at all. doesn't know how to live with the grief of losing someone she never technically had in this world

they make it to alexandria and it's aaron opening the gate for them, waiting to welcome them home

[1111jenx]

Placements that like to cuddle a lot? :)

Hey you,

This is so cute haha. Yes I have for sure seen some trends when it comes to this! While some people are so reluctant to physical touches others seem to love it, we'll talk about the latter for this post;)

Love language astro:

Physical touches

Taurus rising/ Libra rising: I have never met a Venusian child that don't like physical touches from their loved ones (assuming they don't have any other placements that cancel this out). Taurus rising especially, LOVEEE cuddling and holding hands it's honestly adorable. I'd say that while some of these natives don't enjoy PDA everywhere everytime, they do love a lil spice here and there in public. But in private, they're the sweetest most wholesome people ever. Venus is love. So these people love love, they live for that affection, for that heartwarming moments. Being surrounded by Venusian people, I have now got used to this habits of theirs. My friend would try to hold my hands everytime we're crossing the road and my s/o (also a libra rising) honestly give me butterflies simply by playing with my fingers😭 Y'all are that flirty huh. ( OH also this is why they're great flirts too, they're not that afraid of physical flirtations like brushing others arms or touching their faces LOL)

All earth moons: Lemme elaborate, I'd put a warning here before y'all go off on me about Capricorn moon🤣 earth is physical, it is the material world, it is what concrete and real and the moon-our emotions, our inner feels and basic foundations -> earth moons in general THRIVE off physical affections with their loved ones (literally only their loved ones don't come to them and start hugging them if y'all just meet, please.) in my opinions, earth moons can come off so so so cold? like they just look unfazed and unimpressed sometimes, so dry tbh💀 HOWEVER, they're not. thats the thing. most earth moons i know really really really like it when their loved ones curled up with them and give them hugs and kisses. even if they acted all grossed out and unbothered, trust me they love it. These people are most likely to crave your attention physically once they're used to it. Taurus moon, Venusians right here, so not much of a surprise when they ask you to come over and cuddle on the sofa while ordering takeouts huh, such sensual people tbh. Virgo moon, more harsh than taurus moon in terms of it can seem a lil awkward here and there with them, but they will show love in multiple way, they will hold your hands tighter as you cross the road, will hug you before you leave for work, will kiss your forehead and make a sarcastic comment after a fight, truly cuties. Capricorn moon maybe is the least obvious out of the three, their faces would literally look shocked if someone start hugging them or opening up to them ( its rly funny im sorry i love yall tho LMFAO). but they will accept it and get used to it so fast, believe it or not they're the one that needs physical reassurance from their s/o all the time HAHAHAHA capricorn moons yearn for closer connection but they hate people (true story) so they just don't look for it and expect it to come to them LOL. give your cap moon friends a hug for me!

Leo Venus/ Leo Moon/ Leo Rising: To be fair I put Leo Rising here without thinking much because I have Leo Rising, but when I think about it critically I think Leo Rising can be extremely similar to earth moons when it comes to physical affections, they secretly love it but can be a bit shy about it (cancer 12H). But Leo Venus and Leo Moon on the other hands😌 Their need for attentions is insane. Gonna ask you every 5 minute is it true that you don't love them anymore because you didn't look at them for a sec💀 Kiss them in public and watch their eyes brighten in happiness and awe. Squeeze their waist tight and intertwined your fingers with theirs and watch them fall in love with you even more. PDA kings and queens. If its not extra they don't want it. I'm not gonna lie, Leo Moon/Venus is the one who wants to keep cuddling for hours and keep jumping on their s/o bones💀 Also they're that annoying couple that can't stop kissing HAHAHA. Me and my s/o literally have separation anxiety and boundaries issues LOL (both Leo Venus).

Cancer Venus/Mars: secretly lowky, they know they get attached and needy fast when they let loose so they put up a front. VERY AFFECTIONATE.

Mars in the 4th house: They are honestly such softies. They love love loveeeeeee physical attention and thrive in their blankets🤣

Libra, Aries, Pisces, Scorpio, Leo Mars: Libra Mars might seem the most detached but similar to Cancer Mars, its just the front:) They require a lot of cuddles too.

Taurus/Libra Venus/Scorpio Venus: Scorpio Venus the type to ask you whats your deepest darkest secret and will fall for you when you open up to them. they like constant attention (surprise) and physical attention is greatly appreciated. may be very shy sometimes but so lovable and adorable. Libra&Taurus Venus on the other hand is very relaxed and can come off as easy going, but they're HELLA demanding in love, very forgiving but need as much of attention as Leo placements haha💓

Mars conjunct Moon, Mars sextile/trine Moon too ( Bonus points if they're in house 2,4,7 haha )

Ceres(our second moon sign, show what we need to feel nurtured ) conjunct/trine/sextile Mars

Moon sextile Venus: the Moon and Venus are both very soft and unique planets, they both require A LOT of attention

4H ruler harmonious aspects to ASC/ Moon/ Mars

Up here are a few I can think as of right now:) I'll keep you updated if I do come up with more!!💖

love,

saint jenx🖤

[pokefanbri]

If I move on, even if we're not together anymore...it just feels like a betrayal & i dont know if I can bring myself to do it, Idk if I can! 😭 I was left like an unexpecting pet or even pokemon lol wondering where its owner went after it was abandoned without knowing why...i know that sounds silly...but it makes me wonder if I was left hanging in such a way with no closure...am i like left on a back burner or some shit. Its ridiculous I know, i shouldn't wait for a return when there's none deserved...but in my eyes, we both must work on ourselves including with self love & evaluating our faults etc, b4 jumping into something serious...like jumping the gun b4 we're ready..& I know he knows that too. He doesn't realize how awesome of a person he really is, fuck the bruised ego or what have u after everything, he doesn't like showing weakness i know him well...thats also a guy thing 😅 it doesn't make him less of the great person ive known for months.

But i don't know what to do, im at a loss, id be giving my heart to someone else when it was wide open for him if he wanted it...and the more I learn & understand by putting myself in his shoes, somehow my love grew even more so after the fact....which makes it even more of an agonizing pain. I don't need his validation, I would just like to speak 😔 It may or may not be painful for him to, but it is for me to not.

The whole relationship, all the events, everything karma,God or even Satan ffs is giving us thereafter....its all piling up without release. Right now at this moment as im sobbing again, id do anything for a proper chance to be redeemed in some way & maybe truly experience the relationship the way its meant to be 😭 but I know deep down its probably not likely even if granted we were brought together for a reason like fate for self growth for example. All I know is that I'd rather hear it from him, that everything is gonna be okay, & that he prays for me just as much as i do for him 😭😭😭 I don't care about the era of our relationship, I can move past the downs without forgetting the great positives.. id put that shit aside if it means i can just get my best friend back 😭 cuz losing both at the same time is whats killing me rn, i can't handle this shit, I just dont want to think about this anymore...it just hurts too much. I hope with time, things change & we're cool again if that would ever be a possibility.

Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, im so confused & scared its harder to trust with everything out to get me..this was not supposed to be how my life turned out..Im a hot broken mess. I ask myself everyday why, why did it have to be like this after all the good, what was it worth...was it worth losing someone in a blink of an eye to avoid dealing with it rather than confront & becoming better for eachother, was it worth sacrificing it all including our well being!? And why, why was i unwanted for a whole half a year!!!!! No, if anything especially MY time & energy was wasted, I did everything right, I damn well know what it takes to be in a relationship I thrive on long term...he made his choices & it ended up costing us both. If I knew the end result would ruin me in certain areas, I would've risked it to have gone in the 1st place...😔 Who chooses to close themselves off even more, not want to fix whats broken for greater things within, & instead runs away from it 😭 Who guards themselves from vulnerability so much so, as if they've locked themselves up from any1...makes me think who tf fucked his heart up in his past where he thinks he can't be close? Am I crazy or in the ball park I have no idea, me trailing off to theories is exactly why im confused, my mind is literally working overtime to figure it all out & i can't stop it...actually gives me a headache. Im not sure ill ever get my answers 😔 I just know Its harder to move on without knowing how I ended up here. A small part of me thinks its a cruel joke just to put us in a position to get our shit together on our own merits & everything would be fine between us again..but at what cost. I just don't know anymore.

Though i grew fond of him & my heart grew 3 sizes bigger..over time his became less & left cold, but throughout...we were still homies til the bitter end, that ill always cherish.

You will never know how to truly love someone & be given the glory of that life, if you're unable to love yourself first. Nobody is perfect, but when u look at the one u love...they're perfect to you. When i looked at him, I thought he was the most amazing person...flaws & all I didnt care, I accepted him for who he was. Like "see that person right there..their face brings me joy & is why I get outta bed just to see it in the morning" All i wanted was for him to feel the same 😔

Theyll always have a piece of my heart, the bond connects even if by a thread, it will always be there. The pieces of the past are a puzzle to my heart & it searches within those pieces for what it needs.. it will be sewn or put back together eventually & may swell again, by who I do not know. Idk if ill ever feel that way again or find someone who'd measure up to that same level as I again. Only time will tell, all i can do is pray...for them & myself that we find peace, to forgive & forget so we rest a little easier to better face today's challenges as they come. I pray they're alright & send any strength they may need to fight whatever battles they face as well. Thats all i can do

[sweeeteas-blog]

hi tea! do you think we could possibly get a full review? we're a brand new exclusively-lgbt appless rp that focuses on the lives of the employees of one of manhattans most exclusive restaurants-the trouvaille. the employees of the trouvaille live all over nyc, which gives rpers the whole city as their playground, as well as the restaurant itself! we are hiring for a wide variety of jobs at the restaurant, from pastry chefs to dishwashers to bartenders, so come check us out! thank you so much!!

HELLO DARLING! I would LOVE to give you a full review! I haven’t done one of these in years and honestly they give me so much life. Friendly reminder! This is just my opinion / advice and you can take it all with a grain of salt! I already give you all the kudos because I know how much work goes into making a rpg and how close the admin feels to the concept so PLEASE! If I say anything to offend you hit me back because I do not by any means mean to offend you!

FIRST GLANCE.

url: okay real life my basic ass can’t sound this out and I’m not even gonna try but i TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A URL especially with all the dead rpgs that tumblr refuses to get rid of even though they’re like 4+ years old it’s ugly behavior but I dig it!!!! I just have no idea what’s happening ( i refrained from reading your small lil bio you sent so I can get the full effect of finding you in the tags! )icon: LOVE IT, red is such a good look. At first I didn’t know what it was because I’m a basic ass bitch but now I see it’s two wine glasses. CLASSY, I’m already getting the vibe this might be a super like, classy-esk group am i right i hope so it’s still hella cute and I’m here for ittheme: Okay I dig it, like, it is a little bright for me because after looking at the icon I thought we’d maybe have some deep reds and maroons but LISTEN IT’S COOL IT’S STILL A LOOK !  Okay your sidebar graphic, I think you maybe made it 500px so it does this lil weird thing where it makes the texture on it a little wonky? That might just be me and it still looks good I’d maybe change it to be the face of the building? Well that’s the side bar, no I like the graphic that’s there just YEAH THE TEXTURE WHATEVER Im so picky with graphics and stuff and yet look at my theme it’s a trash can so like, take everything I’m saying as just like thoughts of my own you might think they look excellent and that makes me THRIVE your group is your child and I’m not trying to tell you how to raise it. Moving oooonnnnnnnn, I definitely dig how you’re using the same psd for your icons and the theme itself I feel like everything blends really really really nicely together and I NOTICED OK I SEE YOU it is a WHOLE AESTHETIC okay navigation: Very straight forward, very to the point. Just want to let you know that on your little sidebar nav you have the hover as /plot so YEAH IF I was lookin for a full review I’d want to know everything if thats what you were going for MORE POWER TO YA just letting you know bug! I don’t see a face claim page which is just extra work but sometimes people like to see those because then it lets them know if their fav face claim was taken without havin to look through all the characters, just so you know! I’m sure you do but y’know you FEEL me okay anyway! I love that you have an available jobs section I feel like that’s incredibly important and will be a huge help to everyone!other comments / thoughts: It’s a great look! The reds are a little harsh, I’d maybe take your background picture and slide it into THIS WEBSITE RIGHT HERE to get a few different softer hex codes and maybe swap that up a lil but that’s literally all! Oh, and the sidebar graphic! BUt like otherwise it looks great I love it!

DIGGING DEEPER.

plot: Okay I really dig the way you approached the biography, but it felt more like a character biography than a plot bio. BUT LIKE I SEE YOU, I see you stepping outside the box and trying to put people in he mindset that Michael was in because that might inspire muse but you know what I think you should do? Scrap Michael and write it from third person. I feel like writing biographies that sort of like force the reader to feel and experience it as if it were them is really cool. Like, an example would be “you inherited the shape of her nose and her love for the culinary arts” and like take them on Michael’s journey then keep the last two paragraphs the same. But that’s an entirely personal preference!rules: Straight forward, to the point, gorgeous! Only suggestion I have is probably put a little enter beneath every rule to space them out a little better. I’ve noticed it makes things easier to read and it’s not so congested? I love that is a lgbt+ rpg it is honestly a beautiful concept and lights my heart up with joy.characters: characters aren’t available but I’ll look over your available jobs instead, I am 100% here for you making various jobs only have so many roles or else you’d get like 600 of the same thing and that’s how you have a BAD TIME lmfao no but seriously no complaints no critiques this is gorgeousadmin attitude/vibe: Ugh, I fully support asking for verification with anons questions, sometimes they just spit the weirdest stuff? Like? Sometimes I don’t even know what they’re trying to ask me either so it’s always good to just check. You definitely give off a very welcoming vibe! I love it! I love the fact you ramble too! DO NOT EVER HOLD BACK! I love it. Everything. Just flawless.other comments / thoughts: The plot is interesting and the jobs are gorgeous and you just seem like an absolute dream, I’ve got really no other comments!

DIAGNOSIS.

I love the group, it definitely seems like it’s gonna be a good time and you seem to have a pretty tight grip on it! I am personally not a fan of contained themes for rps but yours looks cute! With the plot, though, considering it’s so like, wealthy and expensive I definitely expected a deeper / darker theme, like maybe some blacks and deep maroons? BUT THATS JUST ME! I am still here as fuck for your psd matching your whole theme so I totally don’t want you to change the whole color scheme or anything. I really hope I helped and I wish this rpg nothing but the best!

[hobbygoblin]

If anyone wants to take this and run with it and make it like.. an actual STORY, id be honored lmao, go nuts-

"So this next one coming up is the easiest one, I've looked over every description I can find and basically we just need to tell it some things that are true and it will give us the stone."

"That... sounds remarkably unlikely. Magic doesnt generally work that way, kid. Plus I don't remember a stone like that at all. "

"You dont remember the Truth Stone?? But we have stories about you and the others collecting it and returning it and using it to prove things and..."

"Im telling you, I think I would remember a magical fact checking... oh." As they turned a corner, he trailed off and groaned, even as the kid ran forward in excitement. The wall in front of them was as intricately carved as the others had been but with flowing motifs of swirling rivers and creeks, culminating in small bowls of water that seemed to be the source of the fog they had seen. The old man looked mournfully at the various plants thriving in the little circles in front of the wall, turning at Amta's surprised shout.

"Its hot!" He gasped, with his hand still in the pool.

Jemta sighed. "Yeah, kid. It's-"

"Wait that.. that should have started the thing because its true... isn't why the water is here?" He started searching the wall more closely, throwing out rapid statements of fact as he went and not letting his companion get a word in edgewise.

"The sky is blue! Wait maybe that doesnt count because color is a human label-"

"Kid."

"Rocks- uh.. are hard? No"

"Kid that's-"

"People dont like to get hurt usually?"

"Kid."

"People are- uh wait I'm afraid of dying?"

There was a chiming tone, like an unfathomably giant bell beneath their feet, and the fog coalesced into a blue ring on the ground.

"Oh... well that makes... sense?"

Another chime, this time discordant and grating, as the fog ring turned violently red, before dissipating.

"Oh so you're admitting that you make no sense! I'm talking to a wall..." Amta muttered, frustratedly.

The old man sighed again, and began digging through his pack for cups.

"Look kid, magic doesnt work that way. There isn't a universal rule for whats true and what isn't. Sure there are some things that naturally will always follow certain rules but magic works.. outside and around that, sometimes, I think. Anyways..." he groaned and rubbed his forhead with the palm of his hand. "God, how long did we decide it had been?"

"800 years give or take?"

"Yeah. Yeah so... I guess details of the story got lost along the way. Alright." As he spoke he began examining the plants and pulling leaves off of the ones he still knew, dropping them in the cups. " 'Truth' implies a whole lot that isn't really... well like you thought it was. it's more like, well we called it the Honesty Stone-"

"Thats the same thing!" The kid wailed.

"No, no, it's really not. It's... it's more like emotional honesty. God I hate this stone."

Jemka walked over to the wall and dumped the leaves from his cups into the pool that looked the hottest.

"What are you doing?" The kid asked.

"Oh I'm making tea. We're definitely going to need it." He eyed the swirling leaves suspiciously. "Although without drying the leaves first it's gonna be more like leaf broth. Or soup. Or something. Anyways," he began, sitting against the wall with a grunt. "Honesty is more like... what you tell people versus what you tell yourself versus what you actually feel, and the stone hiders or whatever only wanted people who were actually honest about how they felt to be able to collect all the stones I guess so this one," he said, waving his hand vaguely in the direction of the wall at his back, "you gotta demonstrate 'communication skills'"

if the grimace on the old man's face hadn't expressed his distaste enough, the mocking tone of voice he used to explain certainly did. Amta looked thoughtful, and hesitantly went to sit down beside him.

"So- do we just..."

"No please do not just start saying things you feel strongly about."

"Ok."

Jemta looked at the boy sitting next to him, staring awkwardly down at his thumbs, and huffed "alright just ask me a question kid. Thats always how it ends up going anyways. Drinking tea and sobbing about our fear of the unknown" he grumbled, stretching up to dip a cup in the "tea" in the pool. Amta mirrored him and immediately took a sip, only to wrinkle his nose in distaste and put his cup down.

"I've been wondering actually... why are you... why did you bother coming along?"

That... wasn't what he had been expecting. "This is pretty important, kid. And as much as you think you're an expert, this stone kind of proves that there's only so much detail that can last a thousand years of storytelling."

"800-"

"Yeah I- I was rounding up, kid."

"Oh, yeah. But thats not what I meant I mean, ok so if you had to go, why did you have to bring me when you clearly hate me!?"

Jemta jerked back in surprise. "I dont hate you, kid" he muttered.

A soft chime and a blue ring drifted up from the ground. Amta looked at them in shock, and then his face crumpled.

"Well then why are you always- you always ignore me and you're always upset and-"

"Upset?" The old man's brows furrowed, his lips pressed to a thin line. "Upset!? Kid I think I'm allowed to be upset, I wake up centuries after I fucking died only to find out that everything I died for is happening again and I'm probably going to go through everything all over again, and for all I know it could happen again after! So i don't think 'upset' or 'cranky' or whatever word you were actually thinking of quite covers how I'm feeling!"

Amta flinched, and Jemta noticed he had stood at some point during his tirade. Sighing, he slid back to the ground. "I'm sorry for yelling at you, kid." He said, sounding deflated. "It's not your fault."

"But you act like it is." The boy hissed.

"...excuse me?"

YOU ACT LIKE IT'S MY FAULT" now Amta was the one yelling. Whipping around to face him with tears streaking down his face. "You came along to help but all the time it's like I'm presponsible for every inaccuracy in the texts I brought, for everything I don't know, and for you being here at all! You ignore me, and you leave me behind, and I just want to help you fix things but you make it seem like the worst part of all of this is that I came along with you! And I hate it! And I hate you!"

The jarring, discordant tone of a lie drew their attention to the stack of blue rings rising halfway up the canyon. With the top one turning red and vanishing. They looked back at each other and Amta just couldn't hold it together anymore, it seemed. With a choked sob he fell beck to his knees and covered his face. "I don't hate you..." he whispered. "I just wish you didn't hate me" the old man sat there a moment, startled, before he noticed the moisture on his own face.

"Damnit, kid-" he huffed, dropping his head back against the hard stone wall.

"Do you even know my name?"

"Damnit, Amta" he corrected. Turning to look at the boy who was slowly raising his head from his soaked, hands, sniffling.

"I don't hate you, kid." He whispered. "I hate that I'm back here again and the people i left behind are not. I hate that not all of those people were lost to time but my own stupidity. Sometimes I think I hate that you look a lot like-" he choked, cutting himself off, an image of his son imposing itself over the crying child in front of him. "I miss them and I dont know how to keep going. So I just keep it to myself and I end up keeping everything to myself and then I'm alone again and convincing myself it's better than losing everyone a second time." He stares down at the cup in his hands for a moment in silence, before downing the whole thing and wincing. "Oh god thats gross" he mutters, tossing the cup to the side. "See this is why you always dry your lea-" Amta throws his arms around him. After a moment he lets his arms settle around the boy too. He hears a soft voice from the face scrunched into his shoulder. "I would miss you, if you were lost too." A final chime and a glowing blue light from the wall, sent them scrambling back, as a diamond shaped azure stone formed from the fog. Looking at each other, they reached out to wrap their hands around it, and tug it free from the strands of mist holding it aloft. As the glow faded they stood there, staring at it, and each other.

"So." Amta, started, entirely too casually, Trying to wipe the tears from his face. "Thats... eight down, one to go?"

The old man chuckled, putting the stone into the bag with the others.

"Yeah kid... Amta." He looked as the boy smiled at the mention of his name.

"Almost done."

So sometimes i will think of just one scene for a story, and i want to write JUST that scene but not the rest of the story. So i jave decided that instead if being depressed and not writing at all im just gonna write my scenes with absolutely no context and yall can just deal with it i guess.

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #9: "we're here for the messy bitch game play right" - Annabelle

Tribal was f*ckin wild. Like didnt see that coming and Nicole we literally never talked so dont come for me. 👏

So far Nicole’s attempt hasnt affected anything. And plus Sharky took more of the heat and more blood on his hand and I did for coming up with the Nicole vote. Like im scream team to the end but like it works better for me if people dont see me as a huge threat right now unlike Sharky. I think i might be in a good spot and with an advatage with this immunity hopefully i can win.

Well... I refuse to be booboo the fool right now. I have conflicting information currently about who voted me so guess what? I am not gonna trust anyone LMAO. Everyone is denying and pointing the fingers at others and its fucking pissing me off. Like just own up to voting me so i can have a clear target my fucking god. Like goodbye see you soon!

from my confessional cause i just went off in it LOL about the last tribal: i know brian and sharky did not vote me nate and bryce are being fishy maynor seems non exsistant keaton is literally opening his big mouth and getting himself in more trouble i trust anna enough and nick thinks he is "iconic" for an idol play like boi con-fucking-gratulations that you can do something many have done before you

Like, im so done with these people, just let me play my idol in peace smh

So I basically threw this challenge. I just put myself for most of the positives and I put Keaton for most of the negatives. With a few random answers sprinkled in. I get so nervous about really trying on Touchy Subjects because Im worried about revealing my alliances and stuff. This way I just look cocky. And Keaton and I are already on bad terms so me putting him for the negatives might piss him off but probably not anyone else. Ugh

ok so me snapping and voting matt is really annoying KJFHDSAKJFDHS idk why i did that! i was crazy back then... so current thinking is that me/matt/keaton voted matt. and then nicole did keaton and everyone else did nicole. i dont think anyone suspects me but like they woudlnt tell me if they do FJKASDHFKJ apparently matt thinks that nathan did it and anna thinks that it was keaton and maynor and im just like :| FSAJDHFKD. also this comp is about to ruin me like my answers are def gonna make ppl hate me and plus i wrote myself for some good ones which i never do but idk im just really feeling myself so cant wait for the crushing weight of reality to knock me down a peg or two when i get like "next voted out" "doesnt deserve to be here" AFJKSDFHKAJ but maybe not... anyways i recently got obsessed with shakira again like.. im thriving

https://i.imgur.com/5o6sz3j.png when i tell u i screamed JKDFASHKJAD

Okay so Touchy Subjects ALWAYS blows up my game. Like I got all the ones that make people target you. Running the Game. Biggest Snake. Physical Threat. I even somehow managed to get "Trust the Most" and "Best Liar". HOW!? And now I'm super worried because if I wasn't on everybody's radar before I sure am now. And I have no idea who I can trust after those rogue Matt votes. I even feel slightly sketched out by Nick. He's acting...weird. And he keeps telling everyone there is a war between me and Keaton. Which I guess is sort of true because Keaton is throwing my name out there. And obviously I would rather him go. 

everyone is so extra JKDAHSKFJ matt making a post about how the ppl who are lying and saying they didnt vote him are personally effecting him are terrible like.. ok sorry for not exposing myself get over it u got 3 votes one of which were ur own and maybe if u were more active and didnt reply with one word responses no matter how hard i tried to get u to speak i wouldnt have thrown the vote on u. im just like so over his entitledness that ppl confess to him like who do u think u are KJFHADKJFDH. i feel like maybe im being too mean so if matt reads this after the game im sure ur just in ur feelings or w/e and u did say u had personal stuff going on but like thats not an excuse to go on tirades in the tribe chat when no one but u cares.

keaton is the worst person ive ever met (and i know zach :s) weird of him to choose white ppl saying the n word as his hill to die on but um i got the cannon ready to aim and hes going :airplane: to jury.

OK, so basically Annabelle wins immunity!  Good for her, but she's literally not doing enough for me to feel beyond happy for her kjHD... like she's nice and I like her, but at the end of the day, I really don't think she's doing much to propel herself and she's just getting kinda lucky... considering the first and now second immunity have been somewhat luck based... ya....

Keaton's the name being thrown into the mix already (it's only 9:11pm), and I really am fine with that this time around!  I like him, but I think he's just someone who can easily go now and it not be bad for me in the future.  He's already thrown out Sharky's name and basically called out Sharky to his face, so I'm kinda shaking in my booties.  As long as it ain't me, I'm happy enough to listen, but I just don't want any big surprises like the Matt votes, again.

Sharky has been thrown out as the biggest threat in this game right now, and while I think it's very apparent to everyone, I can't have him going anywhere right now.  No fucking way.  I love the shark man.  He's my favorite... he cannot go anywhere... I need him!!  So buh-fucking-bye, Keaton!  I may like you, but it's not enough to keep you.

Keaton is trash.

Let me elaborate on my previous confessional. So first Keaton tries to call me out for mentioning his name which I didn't do (I did admit to it to save the drama so thats partially on me) but he tries to call me out in public after the vote. Gross. Then after the challenge he starts gunning for me hard. He wants to claim I was doing the same but I wasn't gunning for him very hard. Because i didn't care if he went. He wasn't an ally but he wasn't a threat either. until he started trying to tear me down. Also let's be clear this all started because EVERYONE thinks he's rude and annoying. Then he tries to come for me in pms calling me out for spreading lies. Which again I NEVER DID. So I straightened him out on that. Then he tries to do the "If I don’t get you out now I never will and then we all lose." which is BULLSHIT. Don't get mad and angry with me just because I'm playing better than you. CHILDISH. Then in the tribe chat he says "As a player he can burn. As a person he's enjoyable." IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME HATE HIM!? First of saying I can burn makes me want to really drag him. Also bro you and i don't talk you don't know shit about me as a person. You did that just to feed this "Feud" thats going on. STFU. Bye. Whichever one of us goes I'm glad I won't have to talk to his KIRBY LOOKING ASS anymore. I wish Marie had stayed.

Okay I can't lie I'm super nervous about this vote. I just don't trust anyone. I'm talking to Annabelle now and was like "I'm down to vote for anybody" because I'm not sure where she's at and I want her to know I am a vote for her.

Well. Good thing is that i wasnt dragged with with what Nicole said which is good with me. I didnt get any touchy subject which is also great. My two best allies Sharky and Keaton both did which means they’ll be targeted before I do. Which is awesome. Me and Nathan dont want to see Keaton go so we got Annabell and Bryce to be with us for a 5 person voting block thats going after Matt. Thats right, Matt is going home. Keaton plan was to try and distract Sharky and fight with him and have both of their names on the chopping block. This means that Matt wont see this blindside happening. And if Sharky has an idol, he’ll waste it cuz he won’t be getting any votes. Its gonna sbe wild af. Be ready.

Its been very quiet this morning. The plan has been set so im hoping that nothing else shatters the plan. The idol search doesnt like me as it likes Nick. Only thing i found was an advantage for next immunity which was an extra point butnit was touchy subject so i kinda threw it cuz said my name for the ones i felt where really bad. And i want to give a shout out for host Drew. You are an amazing and cool person.

OK, so Nathan has been going behind me and Sharky's back to target Matt... and I'm just shook to my fucking core.... bless Annabelle's big heart for telling Sharky because it gave us some room to snap hard.  I know Matt has an idol, and I cannot wait for him to pull it out at tribal.  I think that Nathan is thinking very short term and thinking him not telling me and Sharky is just some move he can make on his own, but as the Touchy Subjects' results showed us, Nathan thinks he's running the game but Sharky is actually doing it.  Getting this info... what a fucking legend...

Annabelle doesn't want to be screwed because of this whole situation so Sharky wants to avoid voting Nathan out but I lowkey don't care.  Nathan keeping me out of the conversation makes me lose all trust in him.  I know I'm not the target, but it doesn't change the fact that he's trying to run the game behind my back.  It's not going to work, sir.  It won't.

Ok... I'm angry, but I'm going to have to control that anger and turn it into making the best decision for my game and that will be to work with Matt and Sharky till the end.

Brace yourself this is going to be a LONG ONE. So last night I basically went to Anna and tried to save my ass because I really haven't been sure how genuine our alliance was because of our history together. She basically kept saying she was in a tough spot and this and that and so I outright asked her if she was considering voting for me. And she was like absolutely not. Which is such a relief. HOWEVER! She confesses that Nathan has created a secret plan to vote out Matt. He specifically told everyone not to tell me and Brian about it. EXCUSE ME? Aren't we in an alliance dude? So thats really pisses me off. But supposedly they have the majority for this plan. So that means I don't have to worry about myself as much. But I don't want Matt to go. Especially after this proved that he's one of the only ones I trust. So I'm thinking out of 9 votes we have 3 we can maybe use the steal a vote or something to try and get a majority. CUT TO THIS MORNING. I tell Brian about this secret plan and Brian tells me Matt has a freakin idol!!! So now we can use his idol and even if there are 5 votes left Matt/Brian/Myself control that vote then. Now the tough part...I need the vote to stay on Keaton because if it goes to anybody else Anna is going to think I screwed her over. And I promised her that her telling me wouldn't bite her in the ass. I also need this to stay TOP SECRET because if anyone finds out I leaked the plan they are going to come after me and I love Matt but I don't want to destroy my game to save him. So we need to have Matt use his idol and all 3 of us need to vote for Keaton.

God these people. I am VERY sure I am getting votes tonight and it's ok. Why? Cause I have an idol fuck these cunts. If not the WOOO love a minority!

i'm playing a super dangerous game right now but it's ok hopefully it works out we're here for the messy bitch game play right and i also just like play better in chaos so let's keep it that way once the game gets boring people will think of me.

Y'all I'm feeling real shitty about this week. I still feel super in danger. i feel like everyone is lying to my face. But I'm also worried for Matt. Luckily he has an idol so he'll be safe but the fact that he's catching votes at all is concerning. I hope it's Keaton going out but you just truly never know. This could be my time.

So it seems Matt might be an option for the vote but the questions I have are: Do I trust Matt enough to tell him he’s getting votes? Am I willing to make an early move? How will this will effect me moving forward? And when thinking between Keaton and Matt... I think I know my decision…

The shit hit the fan. Somehow Nick knows the hidden real plan that it was going to be Matt tonight. Keaton keeps lying to Bryce that he’s doing Sharky but Bryce is the number we have to have majority over Matt. Keaton is being sketchy kinda. Hopefully the plan goes according and Matt goes because last time he was doing a witch hunt for those 2 votes. Im going to be drinking at tribal tonight. Shit is too stressful.

Keaton is idoled out in a 6-3 vote.