#WAS i thinking about how my tbi makes it so that i'm a lot more eloquent in my head/writing than i am out loud?

[casualnepotism]

It is a strange thing, for a fighter to be so full of words. Having known a fuck ton of them, they’re usually either too quick-witted or too damaged to have any. But I have so many.

Chock full, some would say. I’ve stored them up for years, months, weeks, days. Hours. All the moments it was expected to say them, I missed. All the moments it wasn’t, I seemed to grasp onto and yet- still- they remain. Even when I manage to get them out of me, they’re the wrong ones: excess that built up over time and spilled out before I could fix them into what they were supposed to be. Cataloging the moments where I could have. Should have. Said anything at all and I couldn’t.

When Maelo said he had it, When Wol decided to leave, When Cog tore out her heart, When Clay made his choice, When Nilos first floated joining the board, When Adiane leaned into her godhood, When Cog destroyed the church, When I killed Wol, When Jack killed Dennis, When Jack died, Again, again, again, When Nilos did leave to join the board,

So many times I’ve written speeches in my head to match you all, discarding them back down to where they could live safely. Knowing they could never match what any of you say without even thinking about it. Knowing that none of your goals align to my own, not really. I kept thinking the time would come, the stars would align, the world would sit still long enough for me to explain. Long enough that you would have time to listen and parse my plodding inanities to hear the point that I hide.

Clumsily. Easily visible to anyone listening, I know. I am not skilled in words the way y’all are, so I have to assume you choose not to hear, and I understand. In your shoes, in the end, given the selfishness of what I ask, I would make the same choice.

My words will never match the ones you all spill forth so easily, handing them to the rest of us like they’re grains of sand and not precious gifts to be hoarded and turned, over and over, until they lose definition with love. Not the ones I hand over, not the ones I hide and perfect, and perfect again and again and again.

I supplement instead with what I can give: a hand, a shoulder, a punching bag, a presence, a whetstone, a shield, a pillow. All of my words, folded and compressed, and shaved of their edges until they can be handed away in a bomb that you will never recognize.

Not a bomb, perhaps. You see? Even now, my words cannot compare.

Allow me to rephrase.

We all know what a milkshake is. We could easily describe it. But there is so much more, for us, held inside the word that we could never describe. For me, anyway.

I hope that you have always understood my actions for what they are. A milkshake for the words I was never able to say. I hope you know that I would never you are so I have never I could never if you were to s I hope you know it’s a milkshake for only one word, really, that you can and should interpret in all its forms.

Stay.

[juicedaloe]

Mithrun and brain damage

I'm not sure if anyone is interested in this, but I wanted to make a post talking about why I think that Mithrun has brain damage from a traumatic brain injury instead of him being a representation of other neurological disorders or mental illness. I'm not that involved in the dunmesh fandom so I don't know how common this headcanon is, though I've seen a few people mention it here and there.

This is just my own opinion so if you disagree then that's fine. Some of this is just speculation and I can't say what Kui's intentions were. This post isn't meant to be that serious. I just wanted to talk about it and hopefully inform about how brain damage can affect some people in a way that I hope is interesting and relevant.

This will be kind of long because I like to talk so it will be under the cut. Apologies for the length and how much I ramble. Feel free to give input especially if I got anything wrong or if this is too confusing.

Okay let's go

Traumatic brain injury (TBI) is incredibly complex. The long-term effects of a TBI include a wide array of symptoms. Each injury is different, and some people can completely recover rather quickly while others can become permanently disabled, even for seemingly "minor" injuries. What I'll cover here isn't a definitive representation of the experiences of all those who have long-term effects from TBI, nor do I speak for everyone with brain damage.

Here are some long term symptoms relevant to this post:

Alexithymia (inability to process and name emotions)

Inability to process and name physical perceptions

Mood swings and emotional regulation difficulties

Communication difficulties

Social impairment

Apathy about caring for oneself

Lack of motivation

Alexithymia and inability to process physical perceptions

This one is rather obvious. While Mithrun is shown to feel emotions and have physical sensations (for instance, describing his location when he gets lost in the dungeon as "a cold place"), he is also apathetic to how this affects him. This means that his physical and emotional perceptions are reduced in some way. He says that becoming lord of the dungeon will leave someone "empty", showing he is aware of his dulled emotional state.

A good example of this is can be seen here in a bonus comic where he doesn't give much of a reaction to burning his mouth on hot food.

(I love these two a lot, by the way. Pattadol is really under appreciated.)

He is also not able to recognize bodily signals, such as hunger or when he is tired. Despite collapsing from exhaustion and not eating for long periods of time, he still insists he is not tired or hungry.

Mood swings

Mood swings in combination with alexithymia can be an especially disorientating experience. Those who struggle to perceive their own emotions can still feel them even if they don't know how to recognize it.

Individuals with brain injuries often experience drastic mood swings, particularly anger. To those around them, they can appear to go from 0 to 100 in an instant.

This is more speculation/headcanon on my part, as the strongest emotion Mithrun has for most of his appearances is anger. However one could interpret this as being unrelated as he is seeking revenge for a traumatic experience.

Communication difficulties and social impairment

Not only can naming personal experiences be incredibly difficult with a brain injury, but other areas of communication are often affected as well.

Mithrun is not able to set boundaries for himself even if someone is doing something he would not actually want them to do, which can leave him in a vulnerable position.

People with brain injuries can sometimes have a paradoxical experience when it comes to communicating with others. They can go from being very quiet to speaking at length about one topic, seemingly without regard for the importance of each bit of information. (I see it like Newton's first law of motion. It is hard to start speaking and it can be just as hard to stop.)

I really like this aspect of Mithrun's characterization. Usually, he is very quiet because he has no reason to speak. However, once he starts talking he is shown to be overly specific and goes on for long periods of time. Kabru has to spend multiple days figuring out his story.

In a side comic, Kabru tells Mithrun he should condense some of the personal details that Kabru finds irrelevant to the topic of the dungeon.

Mithrun shares many details about himself because his desire not to do so is gone. This mirrors the experience of many people who have brain damage to overshare and not understand how their words will come across to others. Sometimes they say or do things that are insensitive or inappropriate for the situation.

Caring for oneself and motivation

In the dungeon, Mithrun becomes reliant on others for self care. He also seems especially incapable of motivating himself to take care of his body when he is particularly focused on his goals.

In these panels, thus far he had been fairly receptive of Kabru trying to take care of him. However, he could sense that the demon was close and was too focused on that to care to eat.

Refusal of care and treatment is often an effect of traumatic brain injury. This can be for seemingly no reason, even if the person knows that this will help them. Sometimes people will lie about receiving treatment or doing things to take care of themselves, either so they can avoid it or avoid having someone take care of them.

He knows that eating regularly and not pushing himself too much will help him - he's been told multiple times on-screen - but he still has to be continuously told by others to give him that motivation to take care of himself. He's very apathetic to his physical state, even if it seems his only desire is for revenge and he should be doing anything he can to achieve that.

Other things of note

I wasn't sure where to put this, but while Mithrun's sense of direction is speculated by Kabru to be left over from his time as lord of an ever-changing, confusing dungeon, having poor sense of direction in the way he does could also be indicative of brain injury as well.

While the dungeon is confusing and illogical, he is known to have a poor sense of direction and to get frequently lost by those around him, even trying to exit an entrance he just came through. He is shown to be very intelligent, but memory is greatly impacted by brain injuries which affects a person's sense of direction and location.

Something that really stands out to me about Mithrun is how much the things that help him are particularly helpful to those with brain damage. He is physically capable of performing tasks, but he needs an outside source to remind him and get him started. He relies entirely on routine, and when that regularity is taken away he shows extreme difficulty taking care of himself.

Sometimes, the care that some people need is simply someone else to encourage them or to tell them when to do things. The care that he needs is pretty consistent with a person with a brain injury who does not need a full time caretaker and would prefer to have some independence.

Also, healing magic is specified to not work with brain injury unless the person is killed and revived. Mithrun had not been revived after his injuries, so it is entirely possible for him to have sustained a TBI. I don't think this matters that much because one is still allowed to have headcanons even if there is a magical explanation or isn't really possible in canon, but I thought it was an interesting detail.

In conclusion

Because of all this I don't believe that his lack of self care is due solely to mental illness. While mental illnesses like depression or PTSD can cause a decline in self care, the reasons why the affected individual is avoidant of these tasks differs. These disorders can also cause cognitive difficulties and emotional regulation issues, but not to the same extent or in the same way that brain damage would. I think that he does have both depression and PTSD (both are common after a TBI) but those are not his only disabilities.

And on a personal note, I just think that having a character with brain damage is really cool. Most of the time I've seen it the characters are not given very much respect and they are treated as comic relief and a joke. Regardless of whether you agree with this post or not, it is still nice to see a character with a disability like this.

Thank you if you read all of this. I hope it was easy to understand and I did not ramble too much. I don't have anything else to say but I've been wanting to write this out for a while.

Okay bye

[hopepunk-humanity]

I'm teaching my disabled boyfriend how to read more effectively & how to figure out word meanings when he can't ask someone or google (like for exams.) I just don't think anyone's done that in a way that matters to him - he's delt with autism, adhd, dyslexia, and TBI since he was like 12

Helping him makes me feel like I can do it too. We're both disabled, we both hate ourselves, we want to watch the world burn. It's not the supercrip "if he can outgrow his disabilities so can i!" myth but it's moreso like. "if i can motivate myself to help him, then i can motivate myself to help me"

I just find a lot of hope in him. Everything doesn't get better once you get a support system, romantic relationship or not, but it does feel less stressful

For sure. We are an incredibly inter-dependent species. The problems don't go away, but they do get easier with a support system, even a small one. We're almost hard-wired to feel that way.

It's not about "overcoming" who we are. It's about learning to live in tandem with yourself, finding a way to respect it. And sometimes, it's just about getting by.

[cripplecharacters]

Probably not an ask you'd likely get I assume, but...what re your thoughts on people using the word "delulu"? What exactly does it mean to say that?

I'm asking because it almost feels like a slur, but most people who use is are disabled, so idk what to personally think of it

Hello,

Okay, so before I get into answering this, warning for uncensored use of ableist slurs, though briefly and to compare histories.

Objectively, yes, "delulu" is a slur. A slur is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as an insinuation or allegation about someone that is likely to insult them or damage their reputation or a derogatory or insulting term applied to particular group of people. When using the firts definition, the word "delulu," derived from delusional and meant to act as though someone is merely delusion rather than being worthy of being listened to, using the misrepresentation and incorrect public image of people whoe experience delusions to discredit the person they're attacking. In calling someone "delulu," they're basically using a medical symptom as an isult. It basically says "This person is severely mentally ill with delusions that make them paranoid (or other things,) so they have absolutely zero valid points and we should not listen to them at all." They compare people they don't like to a stigmatized group to both drag the person they're arguing down and to further perpetuate the stereotypes around delusions and thus impacting the lives of people who have them.

When using the second definition, it's a bit more complicated. My research has showed that, while some people who have delusions are fine with the word or even use it to refer to themselves, it's generally seen as an ableist insult when used by an abled person against them. For example, like how the term cripple is regarded by the cripplepunk community- we can use it, maybe even to describe ourselves, because we know the weight and struggles behind that word. When someone who isn't physically disabled uses the word, they don't ususally, if ever, understand the history behind the word and what it used to be used for, as a weapon against the physically disabled.

"Delulu" is a slur, yes, but it's not yet a major one. It's a very new thing and, while it certainly has done damage to the community, doesn't hold the same weight in innocent blood as a lot of the bigger slurs do. Cripple and retard have some incredibly disturbing history and a horrific amount of innocent blood spilled using them because they've been around for so long. "Delulu" is only one of many pop psychology terms that are becoming slurs when used by those to whom they don't apply (for example, the term brain-damaged is quickly becoming a word used against people with TBIs, and is slowly becoming something people without TBIs are learning they shouldn't use, but those of us in the TBI community can use it should we so choose.) I don't know if they could progress to the same severity as cripple and retard due to how different medical science is today, but I think everyone would rather not take that chance.

Anything that uses a sign, symptom, or name of a mental disorder as an insult is a slur. Such as the word autistic in certain contexts. It's very much not a slur on its own, but when used by one person to insult another, it becomes a slur. If you see a weird word like that, or a psychology term being used like that, it's probably being used as a slur.

Other things you might want to look out for are the context behind people using words like narcissist, psychopath, sociopath, deranged, psychotic, compulsive/pathological liar, etc- those are the ones I see most often being used in ableist ways (at least the only ones I'm allowed to say,) because they're easy to villainize. If they're basically anyone other than someone with the corresponding disorder who's using the term to refer to themselves or the comunity should be considered untrustworthy until you can find a legitimate, science-backed reason for them to say what they did, and as long as they aren't misusing the terms and speculating on what shouldn't be speculated about, like the mental health of people they don't know and can't possibly accurately diagnose. It's best to avoid using signs, symptoms, and conditions as insults, even when replaced by cutesy terms (delulu, restarted, aucoustic, etc.) Tha's basically turning that word into a slur and one really shouldn't do that.

When in doubt, take a step back.

Mod Aaron

[nekropsii]

asking you this since you’re the only person who understands mituna in the entire fandom in my perception of the hs fandom

is it okay to headcanon mituna as autistic? sorry if you get this type of ask a lot/have already answered this type of ask

Instead of answering this question, I will give some food for thought: Mituna has a TBI. He has Brain Damage. This is a core element of his character. Probably the biggest one. In fact, it's so important to him that it's an injury that has remained with him in death. His TBI is a huge, huge part of what makes him... Well, him. It's why he's interesting.

So... Why is a need felt to also declare him as Autistic? Assuming this is a projection thing, since it tends to be most of the time - if you relate to him for his already canonical Neurodivergency, which is Brain Damage, why does one need to give him Autism as well?

Oftentimes when people headcanon him as Autistic, they tend to minimize or even outright erase his TBI. Oftentimes, people say he's Autistic as the reason he's canon Neurodivergent representation... Even though he's shown no real signs of it, but instead is fully written as a character with a Frontal Lobe Injury, and is constantly stated to have Brain Damage.

TBIs and other Neurodivergencies are often seen as less palatable than Autism. On Tumblr especially, it's far more "acceptable" to be Autistic or ADHD or headcanon a character as such than it is to have Brain Damage or literally any other Neurodivergency or acknowledge that a character is written with those. Autism and ADHD are seen as cute and relatable - even though they're very complex and at times devastating disabilities that do have the potential to seriously fuck up your livelihood, much like Depression and Anxiety, and I'm saying this as someone who has and struggles with all 4 - and are often used to erase the presence of other Neurodivergencies. Hell, it's to the point where people use "Neurodivergency" as a synonym for ADHD and Autism.

Again, I'm not going to answer this question for you. I think there's a way someone could potentially make the narrative of Mituna having Autism prior to the TBI compelling - the TBI has essentially stripped him of his ability to mask, after all, so one could make it be a situation where some of these symptoms are ones he already had, but is only just now really getting shit for because he's no longer able to hide it, and part of that tragedy is knowing that had he never been good at masking, his "friends" would have never accepted him. You could get some interesting questions about that. Was the repression worth it? Would it have been better if he'd just been himself the whole time? I think it's extremely valuable to ask yourself why you see any character as any specific minority - necessary, even - and how that affects not only the character's writing in its original text, but also your relationship with said character. Consider optics. Consider the way in which this character is meant to function in the source material. What purpose do they serve, and what is the driving force behind this character? Is Occam's Razor applicable? Are there other explanations as to why they are the way they are? Perhaps ones that are more succinct, and cover more ground?

Yesterday, I watched a film that has provoked a response in Tumblr that I think is applicable. I Saw The TV Glow. It's a film about a Trans Girl who never finds the strength to accept herself or come out. It's an incredibly gut-wrenching watch. It made me cry several times, and there are parts that made me feel a deep pain in my chest. I sat through 95% of the film with a pit in my stomach. I had to lay on the floor in the dark for a while after I finished. There's a scene where the main character is asked whether she likes girls or boys. She says she thinks she likes TV shows, and elaborates by saying that every time she tries to think about that kind of thing, it feels like someone's cutting her open and shoveling out her insides until there's nothing left. Not that there was anything in there to start with, of course - she says she knows there isn't, but she's too scared to look for herself and see.

That scene was about how Gender Dysphoria can completely disrupt your sexuality and repulse you from the thought of that level of connection with others, because it is, in essence, a deep disturbance with the nature of who you are as a person. Many people who are Asexual, or Aromantic, or both, related to that scene because it, on the surface, depicts discomfort with romance and sexuality. What they failed to understand by chalking it up to its own sexuality, is the fact that that scene wasn't depicting a Sex-Repulsed Asexual, or a Romance-Repulsed Aromantic, it was depicting a Trans Girl who is at such deep odds with herself and her identity that she cannot grapple with the concept of loving or being loved.

What, functionally, is the purpose of slapping an extraneous label onto a character that is meant to depict a certain thing? What is the purpose of assigning the label of "Autistic" to a character meant to depict the tragedy of a loss of support after gaining a disability, or "Aromantic" or "Asexual" to a character meant to depict a deep internal struggle with unresolved Gender Dysphoria?

Ask yourself these questions, and carry on from there. See where your mind takes you.

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Do you think you’ll ever write for other ghouls like Hancock or Charon? I would love to see how you write them!!

110%. I've got quite the backlog of requests and already-extant ideas, currently (obviously most of them Fallout TV show based, since it seems like a lot of people are currently watching/finishing it), so I've been sort of planning to approach things in waves.

I've been making my way through some drabble and headcanon-type stuff, since it's easier to get out, and I've got a couple long-form pieces after that, but I've got multiple requests for other ghouls (Which I am stoked to see! Welcome, fans of the games!) and will definitely be getting to them ASAP. For several, I have half-cocked pieces of various lengths that I've had gathering dust on my computer for a while, but since I wrote them just for my own funsies, they need finishing/redressing before they go up.

After my current batch of fics is done (which should include pieces for Prewar!Cooper Howard and Norm Maclean), I'm planning to have pieces out for:

Gob (headcanons/eventual long-form, request)

Charon (long-form, request)

Hancock (long-form, request)

Edward Deegan (headcanons/eventual long-form...no request, but *I* love that big, underutilized motherfucker)

Raul Tejada (headcanons, request)

Nick Valentine (headcanons were requested, so I'll post some, but I also have a secret long-form piece I wrote about Nick ages ago that I feel like unleashing onto the world because I want to Fuck the old robot man as well)

Also, as weird as it feels to say it...upon rewatching season one of the Prime show...why is Chris Parnell's Overseer Benjamin weirdly fuckable??? Do I have a TBI?

Thanks for reading, and thank you SO much for 500 followers! I can't wait to get more stuff out for you guys!

[pineappleciders]

Hi Cider!!! Do you think you write about a poor y/n (gen neutral) with Tolkien, Kyle, Kenny, and Clyde? 🫶

(on another note, I absolutely love your writing glad to see you're taking requests lol ❤️)

tolkien, kyle, kenny, and clyde with a poor reader

platonic G/N reader

A/N: hii !!! this is based off of my experience of growing up lower class and such, though i was never poor to the point of like kenny so tbis might be inaccurate!!! also thank you so much :))

tolkien black

at some point after meeting your family/going to your house, it makes him feel a little bad so he talks to his parents about organizing some sort of food donation

like him and his parents make food for your family and make sandwiches and stuff, and he claims it's the least he can do

always inviting you over for dinner!!!! you two spend a lot of time playing baseball in his backyard or watching shows on his racecar bed and he lets you take all the food you want

always coming up to you during school asking if you want to hang out at his place!!! sometimes the other dudes hang out with you too and it just becomes a full blown party if his parents aren't home

at lunch he always brings a little something for you; whether it be a little snack or a drink or something he'll always think of grabbing something for you while packing his lunch

he does feel bad, so he generally tries to make everything easier on you. little things like picking up your dropped books or holding a door open for you. they're small little gestures, but it's how he shows his care!!

kyle broflovski

he doesn't really think about your financial situation often, but if you mention something to do with it or it becomes apparent or something he might think about it for awhile

he knows he can't really do anything, and it isn't his place to really feel bad, but he can't help but contemplate it, esp if it's got you feeling down

i can see him being the type of person to anonymously give you things, like if your stomach rumbles in class and you mention you didn't have a good breakfast, he might buy something from the vending machine and leave it on your desk

or he asks his mom if he can send you money in the mail (his mom thinks it's adorable that he cares) u two also have lots of sleepovers and his mom makes snacks for you!!

other than that, he doesn't treat you differently. though he does get upset when cartman harasses you over it

"dude, at least i'm not as poor as Y/N's family! their mamas so poor she puts a penny in a gumball machine and asks for change!"

kenny mccormick

he understands more than anyone!!!

it makes him comfortable to know that someone else is struggling like him,,, as his friends (cartman) always downplay his situation and make fun of him for it, it makes him happy to have a friend who gets it

he might just deadpan at you whenever someone cracks a joke about you or him being poor. he is sick and tired

sometimes you two go to the forest and skip rocks at starks pond just to get out of the house, especially if your home situation is like his.

always coming up to you once school gets out to see if you wanna go hang out with the guys or just take a walk with him or something. you two hanging out is like a win-win-win, you get to hang out with him, he gets to hang out with you, and you both get out of your homes for a bit!!

you two use puppy dog eyes to get the others to pay for your shit when eating together and then giggle mischeviously about it

clyde donovan

he doesn't really think much of it at first, like he hears people joking about you being poor all the time but he never really gave it a second thought

although he might think about it when you ask to stay at his place for the night, and suddenly he feels kinda guilty

lets you eat as much food as you want from his pantry & fridge, and he lets you take stuff home sometimes. not all the time though because even he can't afford you sneaking around his kitchen all the time (but he lets it slide more often than he'd like to admit)

probably pokes fun at you with the other guys except he's just joining in with them and has no idea what they're making fun of you for💀

he actually really enjoys sleepovers, especially with all of his friends!!! so you and him end up having a lot of slumber parties with the rest of the dudes. cartman's group refers to your sleepovers as "their gay orgy night" or "circle jerk sesh"

he forgets a lot like he never really pays your situation any mind unless it becomes apparent or you bring it up. like if you haven't washed in awhile he wonders why you stink and then he's like oh yeah and offers to sleepover so you can finally shower

[heliswife]

jake x a reader who hates him and avoids him because he reminds them of someone they hate but when they are forced to hang out they realize that they actually have a lot of chemistry…..,,. take ur time btw no rush

TBIS IS A FIRE IDEA ACTUALLY!!! TY POOKIE!!! those following for pjsk fics sorry but the brainrot is taking over <3 plus writing for other fandoms is a nice break from pjsk :3 this is a non-idol au thing ig 🤭

@onthat611beat hope you like it ♡

Your ex-friend used to have a massive crush on Jake. She would rant about him all the time, saying stuff such as "we were meant to be!" or "he looked at me, he wants me bad!"

You were sick of it, and by the time you cut contact with her, you didn't want to hear anything about Jake again. You avoided him in the halls and in your classes, memories of that friend coming back whenever you looked at him.

"Y/N! There's this guy I'm sort of interested in, and he wants to have a study group with us and some of his friends!" Your best friend and roommate grinned.

"Who is it?" You asked her, secretly praying it wasn't going to be a repeat of what happened with your ex-friend.

"His name is Riki, look!" Your friend showed you a picture of the guy she liked. He didn't seem bad. And your friend seemed normal enough about him.

"Yeah, he's cute. Sure, I'll go to the study group with you."

The next day, when you walked in the café you guys decided to meet up in, you saw Riki, your bestie, and...

"Y/n, this is Jaeyun. He's in the grade above you, right?"

"Mhm, nice to meet you, y/n. You can call me Jake." He flashed a warm smile at you. It made your stomach churn with how nice he was to you.

Memories of your ex-friend and her toxicity flooded your brain, yet you pulled yourself together and held your hand out. "Nice to meet you, Jake!"

His hand was warm. You were sort of understanding why your ex-friend liked Jake now.

The study group went surprisingly smoothly, with you exchanging numbers with the two boys and leaving with a stomach full of sweets.

You explained to your bestie the situation between you and your ex-friend, how she was in love with Jake and how she was a huge asshole towards you.

"Is that why you looked shocked when you saw him?" She asked.

You nodded. "Was it that obvious? God, I really hope I didn't give him a bad impression of me..."

"Don't worry, y/n, it wasn't that obvious." Your friend said before being interrupted by the ding of your phone. An unknown number.

hey y/n this is jake from the study group i just remembered i had your number lol

"It's Jake. Whenever I think of him, I think of my ex-friend and then I start feeling sick. Should I answer?" Your finger hovered above the message icon.

"Yes, duh? Forget about that shitty girl, that's in the past. It's time to move on and forget about her, y/n."

"Hm.. You're right. I'll respond. I know it's been half a year, but it's hard to get over it." Your fingers rapidly typed and backspace until you found a response you would send to him.

hi jake!! dw abt it, im glad you texted me

"I literally can't do this bestie, what if he hates me? Fuck, that message sounded so cringy." The worst case scenarios flashed in your eyes.

"He doesn't. Read the message he just sent, I don't think anyone who hates you would send that."

do you wanna go get lunch with me tomorrow? i wanna talk to you more, you seem chill 😄 also your friend likes riki right? she makes it obvious

"I DO?" Your best friend gasped. When you agreed, your friend threw her head back, landing on one of the soft pillows of your bed. "It's fine, I'll deal with it later. Back to you, y/n~"

"Oh lord."

"You should go with Jake! He's asking you out on a date!"

"He is?" You reread the message. "Oh shit, he is."

"Y/n l/n, you are a total loser. Your life is so boring, like, you've never been in a relationship? You should go. It'll make your life interesting."

"Geez, you're such a nice friend." You rolled your eyes.

yeah ofc!! where & when?

is noon at the pizza place near the cafe alright with you?

mhm, see u there :)

You turned your phone off and let your brain process what was happening.

The only knowledge you've had of Jake prior to this was from your ex-friend, and she looked at him with rose-colored glasses. You were going on a date with the very person your ex-friend was head over heels for.

Fast-forward to the next day, you put on an outfit you deemed worthy for an outing and exited the house. You hoped your bestie wouldn't blow up the house.

Once you arrived at the pizza place, you spotted Jake waiting outside, scrolling on his phone.

"Jake!" You called, and his head perked up, smiling wide as he waved to you, "I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long!"

"Y/n! Don't worry about it, I just got here anyways, let's go in and order, 'kay?" It wasn't even a sort of anymore. You were definitely understanding why your ex-friend was obsessed with Jake.

Your eyes couldn't leave Jake as he ordered a pizza and drinks for you both, and you didn't even process the question he asked you until he pointed out your lack of response.

"Sorry, I just feel... I don't know, out of it? Could be nerves," You awkwardly laughed.

Jake only cocked his head his face painted with a confused expression before giving you a small grin. "I get it, nerves do that to me too. So, um, what do you like to do?"

"I- I like writing?"

"That's cool, do you think you could ever show me one of your stories?" When he noticed your eyes widening, he laughed, "I'm kidding, you don't have to show me if you don't want to."

The pizza came, and you two chatted about anything you could think of. You talked about your friends antics and he talked about his. He even showed you a picture of his cute dog.

"Y/n, if you don't want to answer this, it's fine, but why did you ignore me before you were forced to see me at the café. Did I do anything wrong?"

Shit. Now you were forced to talk about your past with your ex-friend. "I had a friend who used to like you. You were all she would talk about, and it was getting annoying. She was an asshole too. After we stopped being friends, I didn't want to be reminded of her, and you happened to be one of the things that reminded me of her. I feel bad about ignoring you, since you're a great guy."

"Oh, it was *****, yeah? I remember her." Hearing her name made you feel lightheaded. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that. If it makes you better, I never liked her much."

"Seriously?"

"Yup, you want to head back to my dorm? I could show you my lego collection?"

"Sure," You giggled, getting up out of your seat in the booth, Jake following suit. You felt a sense of relief knowing that Jake didn't like your ex-friend.

As you two were walking back, gray clouds started to gather. A few rain droplets fell on your face before the downpour began. You and Jake looked at each other before Jake took your hand and started running to his dorm, dragging you along.

Once you guys made it, you were both soaking wet and panting. "I wasn't expecting it to rain, sorry.."

"It's okay. I really enjoyed your company..."

Silence filled the room. Jake's hand was still holding yours. "Y/n... may I..?"

"Please, Jaeyun."

His lips pressed onto yours, and even if it was for a second, it felt like time stopped. It was just you and him in this little world.

"Tomorrow, I'll take you on a real date, when it isn't raining. We could go wherever, just tell me," Jake told you when the kiss ended.

"Let's hope it isn't raining tomorrow, promise we'll go wherever?"

"I pinky promise, dear." He held out his pinky, and you intertwined it with yours.

This was the start of a new chapter, a chapter without her, and you had someone, who although gave you bad memories from the previous chapter, would be by your side.

[bakvrue]

For the people who have never seen Snow White with the red hair (aka me) how would you describe ruepold’s relationship dynamic? 🌚

Omg first of all you should watch!!! It's such a cute little romcom!!! But it's like.... they both carve out as much time as they can for each other even when they're both super busy, and zen especially is so in love with her. He can't hide his feelings at all, and neither can she.

Their relationship is a little different because he is a prince and she's a royal herbalist, where as leopold is a royal, and I'm a noble, so there's a different power gap between us. But there are so many instances I can think of where it's just what me and Leo would do.

(LOL I kinda just word vomited so a read more)

Like LOL I'm just gonna tell you one if my favorite episodes. So shirayuki saw tbis girl on her way to her job in the castle, and this girl had a beautiful blue trained bird that she could give commands to with a whistle. In her villiage on the outside edge of the kingdom they use these birds for fishing and they have many other uses, like retrieving items. But these poachers want to kill the birds for the feathers and completely take them from these people. And this girl is going to prince zen to make a plea to protect their birds. But ofc one of the asshole poachers is also at this meeting being loud and talking over her. I don't remember exactly how it happens but shirayuki comes up with an idea to prove the usefulness of these birds. If the bird can fly to a lookout post that is an hour one way and back in 30 minutes then they can prove their usefulness. And zen thinks it's an excellent idea, mostly because it is but also because it's her idea. So zen signs a piece of paper for the bird to bring back and shirayuki goes to the lookout point. And they release the bird, and at the same time the poacher asshole decides to take matters into his own hands. He goes to attack shirayuki in the tower and to throw the piece of paper into the water below it so the bird fails. Amd when zen finds out....... the way he races there ready to defend her... man I don't even remember the order of events but I know when zen gets there he destroys this man. And then zen, in his worry, let's his feelings take control and he kisses her...... and it's so skfkfjwjshdj let me find a clip.

Okay this is when he comes to get her.

lol I guess I could have explained this without the whole episode talk LMAO. BUT they are just so intense about each other but in such a soft way. And he's absolutely obsessed with kissing her

And in that it's like Leo and I have this passion about eachother where every look we give eachother you can just feel the love flowing from us. Amd we would do anything for the other. He listens to me and I listen to him and we're such a team together that it's so easy being together. And the way that he's so earnest in everything makes my heart hurt and my knees weak and if he kisses me too much with so much passion I will pass out....

This one is really long but god. Even the first 40 seconds or so dhrjrkwjwh I just.

Leo is so earnest and real with his emotions. It's just love pouring out of his eyes and love pouring out of my eyes and being completely infatuated and obsessed. And a little (a lot) of secret kisses and stolen moments because there's never enough time in the day for how long we want to spend together......

[crimeronan]

I love political and tactical fantasy shenanigans so I'm very 👀 over that appearing in the princess luz au in some way. There's so much you can play around with, like the public opinion, who gets supplies for not just the castle but the civilians, or runs this or that, and how the different coven's are run (i read a v neat theory that the abomination coven has more opportunities because of Darius, for example), any new covenhead will have to untangle the mess and horrors of their predecessor, and bringing in new people to run a section or help support a coven that's surprise surprise being held together by string and luck because the previous head was incompetent or didn't care enough. Or both.

Like the plant coven's plantations that are mentioned once in Hunting Palismen that guard the remaining palistrom trees. That'll need to be dealt with so more witches can recieve palismen, and then they'll need someone to carve them(possible lead in to Hunter getting intrested in palisman carving? ovo CLAWTHORNE CLAN APPEARANCE MAYBE??). Not to mention the overhaul of the education system, of which TERRA is apparently in charge of, which explains a lot, actually. How many buildings on TBI aren't built to sustain the boiling rain and rely on magic or pure luck to stay standing because the construction coven either didn't bother to do their jobs or they simply couldn't because they didn't have the resources and time, so those who have the most money get priority?

Not to mention taking care of monsters! The empress coven can't be too different from the emperor's coven yet, so they're not very efficient(because they're a cult and that's how they function) and someone has to address that and Lilith is too used to the system to recognise the problems by herself. Maybe Luz makes it law that all coven's now must have a head coven and a vice head of sort, so all the power and decision making doesn't rest with only one person?

Sorry, I'm rambling, I just love this kind of stuff, I go a little insane over it. Adding on all the characters being very stupid or very crazy or both makes for a funny time.

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!! THIS IS ALL SO GOOOOD these thoughts are all so good. at first i didn't want to plot a big long story about what exactly luz does to solve some of these issues, bc watching and dreaming addressed everything so well... but the circumstances of this AU have changed enough that i'm getting invested anyway. like. how DO you dismantle an empire when you also have to pretend that that empire is normal and fine and that your fragile allyships with power-hungry coven heads are fine and that your so-called "divinity" isn't based on the bullshit lie of a genocidal colonizer. HOO BOY.

i love love love political worldbuilding fic that explores things like infrastructure and different political dynamics and schisms in fantasy worlds, that was ALSO one of my fave things when i would write homestuck ancestor fic. plotting out what a galactic war might look like and how resources were distributed and how empire weaponry could be commandeered and how propaganda on both sides would function.... MMM. my bread and butter

i think the thing i've put the Most thought into toh-wise is the abomination coven, simply because i am a darius girlie and think about darius All The Time. like i think that the abomination coven has opportunities because there's a lot of capitalist stuff going on, because darius has taken a very libertarian-seeming hands-off approach to running his coven. but you can't apply 1-to-1 real world politics to it because actually, darius """small government""" deamonne is letting people get away with having fake abomination coven sigils and repeatedly break the law and game the empire's systems... all under the guise of "i don't know anything about that. i'm just lazy"

i had Extensive palistrom tree lore (and tragedy) planned in the darius & prev gg fic i outlined, i don't know if i'll ever write it in full but MMM the palistrom trees and the bat queen are on my mind Constantly. also tucking these construction coven thoughts into my back pocket for later use because i hadn't thought much about the infrastructure of the isles' buildings but you're RIGHT. living in portland oregon there's CONSTANT vicious local debate about rebuilding our bridges and older buildings and coastal evacuation plans for when cascadia ruptures, bc most of that wasn't built with a 9.0 earthquake in mind. could definitely pull from. All Of That. LOL

[moon-bun-bun]

I'm gonna ramble about my creepypasta AU from like 2012-2014ish I used to rp with a friend over my flip phone bc we where GENUINELY just insane <3

Some key things to keep in mind: we didn't really watch marble hornets at this time so masky and hoodie where (unfortunately) very much old fanon the rare few times they showed up. A lot of this AU was influenced by old deviantart web comics, mainly Pasta Monsters and The Seer. And lastly, we where like 12 when we made this so don't expect high art 💀 you're allowed to laugh bc genuinely it's so awful

This AU MOSTLY was centered around our OCs (of course). Mine was Banana, a repurposed warriors OC 💖 of course in usual middle schooler fashion, she was immortal and couldn't die, and she knew every single creepypasta amd everyone knew her and she was some special proxy y'all know the deal, if I remember to draw her again I'll rb or something with her bc I still love her dearly <3

Some key things abt this AU that I can remember off the top of my head in no specific order:

- Slenderman didn't have a mansion, he instead had an entire castle?? I have no clue why we decided a castle but that's what he had

-no one but slenderman lived in this castle. Not even his proxies, everyone else has their own houses, except Banana who has a big tree that grows diamond fruit

-how do people not fond a massive castle out in the forest? Easy. It's not in the forest, there's an entirely seperate realm they all live in and you access it by a random portal in the woods

-we genuinely deligated Masky and Hoodie to just sorta babysitting this portal. Actual proxy work? Never heard of it, they just watch a portal for days on end. Expect Masky sometimes, he got to babysit Banana because she caused ✨️problems✨️ constantly. We very much characterized his as the shy uwu nervous Masky the entire time

-proxies got their special proxy names Via warriors cats naming ceremony, we had a moment with another OC that was an extended rp of this moment. I do not know how we talked abt it like it was the most serious and genius thing in class the next day

-Jeff was one of the most prominent characters, he did not like Banana what so ever and she at some point made it her life goal to be the most prominent nuisance in his life. Multiple times as some form of punishment for both of them causing some issue or just fighting in general, Slenderman would make them go live together in the human world as normal people in suburbia or some shit. This happened VERY often and I choose to still use this plot point as the set up for conversations and jokes about them to this day

-the neighborhood they lived in was completely oblivious to the fact that these where two known serial killers, EXCEPT one of their neighbors who was hell bent on exposing them. No one believed her ever.

-how do they live as normal people? Tbis is where the pasta monsters influence comes in, I believe it was called an illusion form in that comic? Whatever it was called, that's the logic we used. Jeff looked like a Normal Guy and Banana instead of being a cat, was in fact a human girl, who for whatever reason we decided kept getting mistaken for some random orphan girl named Daisy

-despite this AU taking place in (at the time) modern times, old times orphanages and asylums where still in operation and was another very prominent plot point we used (to the extent of the knowledge we had as 12 year Olds of these places) banana and Jeff ended up in the asylum in padded rooms and straight jackets a lot

-this has no bearing on the plot what so ever but I know we referred to the police as "the popo" and ONLY the popo for the entire duration of the rp. All 2 or 3 years of it.

That's all I can think of at the moment, there's. A lot more that I'm missing here and whenever it crops up I'll just rb with more details or smthn bc I genuinely rlly like just putting whatever the hell we where on into words 💀💀

[prismatoxic]

re-reading chapter 61 in the hopes of finding more info on the communication faries (there doesn't seem to be much) and oh look! that's also the "kabru and mithrun get stuck together" chapter

u want some kabumisu thoughts

kabru is trying to pick mithrun apart to best ingratiate himself so he can then sabotage the canaries' attempt to retake the dungeon before laios can defeat the lunatic magician. typical kabru solution to a problem; he knows he's not as good of a fighter as he is a manipulator. he also doesn't trust mithrun, nor does he think mithrun trusts him. the best course of action is to get mithrun as close to trust as he can for a good chance to strike.

...but he's finding it hard to do. it's not compelling him the way this sort of task usually does, even if it's his only plan.

even so, when they run into a shapeshifter, kabru's version of mithrun is physically identical and its personality seems the same as well. kabru's skills of observation are not to be taken lightly.

(mithrun is not even remotely skilled in this department. i imagine the way his trauma has changed his view of the world is also involved though)

besides being a funny gag, mithrun's evident disinterest in picking kabru apart as a person calms him down. this is when he starts to see mithrun less as a threatening enemy and more just... a kind of strange person.

i don't have much to say about this one, it's just really fucking funny. he doesn't even realize that scribbly version of kabru is wrong. i assume his vision isn't the issue here; like yes it must be limited with only the one eye, but that's not limited vision, that's "my brain doesn't parse the world the way other people's do". mithrun TBI real. anyway

(i'm trying to talk about kabumisu so i'm not gonna post all the fucking hysterical panels of kabru lamenting turning into laios if he has to cook monsters, but. go re-read chapter 61 if you haven't recently, it's very good)

not to read too much into an adorable smile, but i think seeing mithrun eat like a child is endearing kabru to him a lot. it's getting harder and harder to view him as an enigmatic adversary. sure, there's plenty of mysteries surrounding him, but he's also just... not a very scary person, nor does he hold ill will towards kabru. he's not an enemy.

mithrun saving kabru from nightmares after they eat is probably another point in his favor (even if he smacked kabru to do it). kabru doesn't know yet exactly why he's been told to tend to mithrun--why mithrun needs tending at all--but mithrun being willing to protect him in turn certainly implies he's not resentful of the arrangement.

mithrun you are so baby

talk about ship fuel... but on a more serious note, i really love how kabru jumps into action here. it's very in-character for him, but also it's just a good show of what that character is--he's already pushing himself to go above and beyond for a man he didn't want to be stuck with in a situation he didn't ask for. i think he's already fond of mithrun to some degree by this point, but even so... his concern is evident, and it's not self-serving. kabru isn't trying to keep mithrun alive to further his own goals... he's trying to keep mithrun alive because he's a person and he deserves to live. we know kabru has no qualms with murdering people if they're "bad" (and what that says for him and his perceptions about when it's okay to choose life or death for someone else is surely an entire post on its own), but he doesn't want mithrun to die nor does he think mithrun is worthy of death in general.

anyway this is why i stopped reading and started making this post. kabru wished to care for mithrun so bad that the dungeon answered his call. the way mithrun says this, it implies this isn't just a normal desire; the dungeon would be granting wishes all the time in that case. (however, through his lens, we for sure can spot the many times it has helped the touden party). the desire here was just that strong.

haha do you remember when mithrun reveals his true remaining desire at the end of the manga. remember how he didn't know before the fight was over. that he thought it was revenge he wanted. but actually it was for the demon to finish him off. haha. i just think

anyway kabumisu good. and this is only the beginning of their dynamic!!!

[practically-an-x-man]

⭐⭐⭐

Oooh alright thank you!! I think instead of discussing just one fic this time, I'm gonna give you the director's commentary on roughly how I come up with new OCs, since I think that's kinda cool to think about and compare

Okay so obviously I write a lot of OC x canon, since I really like using OCs to explore the canon characters' personalities and character development over time. Some of what I decide about an OC is at random, or just based on vibes/what I find interesting, but I also try to come up with some solid themes when coming up with the OC and core conflicts of the fic. I mainly use a lot of opposites to accomplish this, since it gives a good amount of both internal and external conflict to work with

Here, have some examples:

Billy (6 Underground) moves fast, and it's canon to the movie that he was betrayed by his ex-girlfriend in the middle of a high-stakes mission. So I give him Quinn: someone who once could move as fast as him, who knew him so well they were practically chained to the hip, but who was affected mentally and physically by the same betrayal. Billy hates luck, but Quinn's injuries make it clear that he was the lucky one for walking out virtually unscathed.

Peter Maximoff is impatient and impulsive, he can't slow down and gets bored easily. So I give him Robin: someone who he loves dearly, but who he couldn't be with unless he changed his habits, learned to slow down, and pushed past his immediate boredom. She's Deaf, which meant him learning ASL and changing some of his habits (like talking with his mouth full or starting a conversation without getting her attention first) in order to communicate effectively with her. Then she gets a TBI on a botched mission, and recovery can't be sped up, so he has to learn how to be patient and steady as she recovers.

Alex Summers is prickly and hostile, and keeps people at a distance. So I give him Madison: who doesn't at first seem like his opposite, since she does the same thing, but it's growth for both of them. She's not comfortable with a fast-paced fling or relationship, so he has to learn to let those walls down and prove she can trust him before pursuing romance. They're definitely a "behind closed doors" couple, though - in public, they tease and poke fun at each other to no end.

While he's caught in the fighting ring, Warren Worthington feels like he has nobody to rely on, and no future to strive towards. So I give him Rae: who would risk her own life to save the people she cares about, who will claw towards her future with everything she has, who's filled with so much fire and vitality that it gives him a reason to keep fighting, who won't back down from a fight even if she's horrendously outmatched.

Even Kyle and Jasper: obviously they get along well from the beginning, and they end up sharing a lot of interests, but visually they're very different people. It's a play on college stereotypes, seeing the straightlaced frat boy with the queer nonconformist punk. Most of the play on opposites here is less with Kyle vs. Jasper and more Pre-Death Kyle vs. Post-Death Kyle (at this point he's basically an OC too lol, the show gave us so little to work with for him). But there's still a lot of roots that I've laid down for that, particularly in how gentle and patient Kyle is in the early parts of the story.

This is true for pretty much all of my OCs, actually - including the ones like Eris and Nikoletta who I haven't fully written about yet. It's not quite "opposites attract" since usually they've still got a lot of similarities to bond over too, but there's almost always some core trait that drives them both to evolve as characters.

[tealcaste]

hi tumblr time for my daily licorice rambles /hj

anyways so ive been looking at those character playlists recently, and decided to look at licorice ones because how. how bad could they be? (spoiler alert: they were bad. i saw that one "Cause I'm a Liar" aka that one kokichi song on a licorice playlist. A FUCKING LICORICE PLAYLI)

Anyways, ever since i've decided to look for silly little songs that. ACTUALLY relate to licorice (or just songs that remind me of him for some reason), and decided to share it here :33333

(get ready for a massive wall of text)

(also prepare for a lot of grammar + spelling errors fireemoji)

(but then again i wrote most of this at 3am so bear with me plea)

disclaimer if youve never heard of any of these songs just. just listen to them and you'll understand what i mean when i say those songs fit Licorice Cookie plea

i think tbis is the firsr post im actually using capitals yahoo!

alsp ypu xan. feel free to disagree on some songs fireemoji

ok first of all without a doubt, anything from the "People Who Can Eat Are The Luckiest People In The World" album by AJJ can. justifyably fit licorice cookie. SPECIFICALLY Brave as A Noun and Survival Song. I dont know how to explain it but.. the lyrics just.. sorta scream licorice cookie?? Mostly in Survival Song but i added Brave as A Noun since theyre basically just a long song split unto two parts if that makes sense...

BUT HEAR ME OUT ON LICORICE WITH TGE SONG RANDY'S HOUSE. PLEASE. the line "And I hope that our candles flicker and die, so that our hearts don't burn to the ground. Down, down just like Randy's House." jusr fits licorice so muxh i donr know how to explain it... just tge whole aong in general is just so. licorice cookie.

OK next song is "The U & I in Suicide" by That Handsome Devil. Maybe its cuz this song is about death?? But just the whole tone of the song is sorta off putting which imo just.. fits soso much, and this song fits Licorice. The. the lyrics n title r sorta slef explanitory so erm

ok next songs may b a little biased or smth cuz i am a massive Will Wood fan but you cannot deny that. That some willwood songs just.. fit Lico.

I have no idea why but the sonf "BlackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA" by Will Wood just... heavily reminds me of Licorice?? For no apparent reason?? Maybe its just cuz of the energy of the song if that makes sense??

also one of my friends recommended me this (ty E you're a cool pookie) but "Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal, NY (Bones)" by Will Wood and The Tapeworms is just. Licorice Cookie i dont think i need to explain this one

There are a bit more Will Wood and The Tapeworms songs but they sorta jjst follow. the sssame reasons as BlackBoxWarrior -- OKULTRA so errmmmmmmm

aNYWAYS I'd. id like to mention that j feel like "Kiss Me, Son of God" by They Might Be Giants sortaa fits him... liek tthinj abt it... id like to imagine tbag lico sometimes wondee what it would be liek if. he had been taken seriously aand so hed sorta imagine just. being above everyone abd i feel like that song sorta.. helps explain that??

I also think "Losers" by The Cardigans would sorta fit him..LIKE THE LINE "You were that you were special ; I'm just like you." JUST.. OH KY GKD??? THATS SO???? I dont know how to explain it but its just so... licorice cookie for me i dont k ow how to epxlain it.... sksnakdmaknd

there are some other somgs but like. they sorta follow the same reasons as the songs I've mentioned soooooo

anywyas as mentioned earlier.. feel free to disagree with any songs!!! and also if you have some songs tbat reming you of lico feel free to share :333

[thelastspeecher]

Having a really terrible time rn so I'm here to distract myself with thinking about your stormchaser au because my job training today had us do 3 separate "severe weather" information and response trainings.

Anyways I've been thinking a lot about the implications and consequences of a head injury severe enough to give amnesia and I think this was a plot point and not supposed to be like something backed up by giving Ford medically accurate symptoms and disabilities but that's what happens when you're a disabled gravity falls fan in the medical field.

So a severe traumatic brain injury on that level is gonna have some things that are what you'd expect (vision changes, delayed reactions and confusion, issues with decision making and starting tasks and all that fun executive function stuff long term as well...) but also a common symptom, especially if there's damage to the right hemisphere in general, is impulsiveness as well as personality and mood changes just being a thing.

And I imagine for a while after he wakes up and is treated and even after he's released from the hospital and staying with Jack that's really tough - because I imagine at checkups they're gonna ask repeatedly if there's been any significant changes to his mood, functioning, abilities, and "Bill" and Jack have no clue at all. They have no idea who he was and if it's different.

So when Stan and Ford reunite I imagine it's a relief in you can tell me who I was kind of way but also hard bc Stan definitely sees that Ford's changed. Significantly. But is it because of time? Is it because of new influences? Is it because he didn't know who he was so he became someone different? Or is it a fucking symptom?

I got ahead of myself this ask was supposed to be about imagine "Bill" and Jack going to the grocery store soon after Bill gets out of the hospital and is convinced yes he actually should stay with Jack for the time being and they have a grocery list but Ford/Bill is putting pretty much everything in the cart because he's having a really hard time with impulse control and 20 bananas is not excessive we could need them what if I wake up feeling like eating 20 bananas and Jacks like. This man's a mess. Compels me though

Aaaaaaaaaa Anon I loved getting this monster beast of an ask, esp because I myself have also been Going Through It this week.

What you were saying about the personality change and the doctors asking if "Bill's" personality changed after the accident and neither Jack nor "Bill" knowing how to answer it, that's something that I've actually addressed in a different AU. Because I am a hoarder of AUs and I have one where STAN lost his memory in an accident and that's something that was brought up in stuff I wrote for it because I am a Scientist and I do my Research.

Anyways

Idk if I've addressed the personality change thing much in Storm Chasers AU (which, btw very glad that my little AU is on your mind, it makes me happy people are thinking about and enjoying my stuff), but I have set that up! At least in my head. The biggest thing: "Bill" is remarkably chill. Like, he's just an easygoing kinda go with the flow type of guy for the most part. He's very sweet and gentle and just sort of accepts things and takes life slowly. The taking life slowly is partially due to, as you pointed out, some function being lost from the traumatic brain injury, but it's also partially due to said TBI causing a personality change.

Some aspects of the Original Ford do pop up every now and then. He still gets all Researcher Excited about things, particularly the weird and magical things of Gravity Falls. But he has a different perspective than canon Ford. He treats the magical creatures with more respect and viewing them almost as peers. Once he's calmed down from his initial reaction of "omg omg OMG!" Even with his respect for them, many of the magical creatures don't really like Ford, just bc he goes overboard excited with them so much.

Another thing that sticks around, sorta burned into Ford's DNA at this point, is his, ah, "difficult" relationship with his father. When "Bill" and Jack adopt their first son (the Shapeshifter, whom they name Forrest), "Bill" is constantly fretting about whether he'll be a good father or not. He's paranoid and scared and confused and Jack has never seen this side of him. Jack eventually gets "Bill" to calm down by promising that he'll help keep "Bill" in line and let him know if he does anything wrong. And then he says that he won't need to step in at all bc he knows his partner.

(And then a few times Filbrick's parenting shows up and Jack does need to step in.)

Uhhhhhh I got sidetracked just like you lol.

I agree "Bill" has some impulse control issues. Arguably, canon Ford has those already (as does Stan, in some ways, worse than Ford), and those just get dialed up to eleven for "Bill". "Bill" constantly trying to throw things into the shopping cart is just a sign of what is to come. Luckily, Jack has the patient of a saint. Jack also finds "Bill" incredibly attractive, which definitely helps with his tolerance for the odd behaviors lol.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I'm really interested to hear your thoughts on Flowers From the Storm. I had mixed feelings about it. I liked how problematic the hero was, it felt very real for him as a rake to be a shitty person (even if I don't love the evil baby mama plot trope). I just found that the heroine did not work for me. But that plot was absolutely wild, and having just read Kleypas' Prince of Dreams I'm kinda missing the truly bonkers plots of old school historical romances.

I finished it last night, and I hope you don't mind me publishing this because while I get that it isn't for everyone (though I'll be real, I don't get the absolute haters for this book--I literally had someone on GR comment "don't read it, it's horrible" when I put this under Want to Read, unprovoked, and I'd never spoken to this person before lol) it is pretty undeniably a huge book on a genre level, imo. To do the shit this book did at the point in time that it did is kind of massively daring. And I do think that while there are some big swings and BIG MISSES from older historicals in terms of plot, I personally feel like part of the reason why the subgenre is going through such a slump in terms of popularity is that it doesn't swing as much anymore. Trad is trying to make historicals feel smaller, safer, more homey, like a lot of popular contemporaries.

The thing is that the audience for contemporaries wants those contemporaries. Just going outside of those small scale books (no shade, it's totally fine if that's your thing) is too much for a lot of people who consider that their niche. The readers who do NOT want those contemporaries don't want a book just because it's not a romcom. The books have to embrace their genres. If I'm going to read a fantasy romance, I want it to take big swings; same for historicals, paranormals, sci-fi romances. Even books that I consider fairly safe and homey for their subgenre, like Ice Planet Barbarians, are still so much wackier than those safe contemporaries. So HR, imo, is not going to pick up again until we see more of those BIG SWING books.

Anyway, onto Flowers from the Storm.

--I get why Maddy is a frustrating heroine to many, but I think I really liked that about her. She felt very authentic. Often, we see heroines who ostensibly have these "of the times" convictions in historicals, but then really don't follow through on a big level. I fucking love Scandalous Desires and I see no issue with this take, but Silence is a heroine like that--she's a Quaker, and it basically translates to "being good and a little sanctimonious". She caves without regret when she gets with Mickey, and she's letting him eat her out against a wall in no time.

I liked that Maddy's religious (and social) convictions as a Quaker MATTERED to her, and it made the moment towards the end feel a lot bigger. It made the act of her falling in love with Christian, essentially against her will, much bigger. She would have done basically ANYTHING to avoid loving him, because to her, being in love with him meant not only displeasing God and her community, but giving up what she'd always known and what she believed was the morally right thing. But she literally couldn't help falling in love with him. The feeling was too immense.

--I've never suffered the kind of TBI Christian suffered, and I don't have a lot of (close) people in my life who have, but based on things I've heard and read it felt like Kinsale made a big effort to accurately (or as accurately as possible) portray the immense frustration and confusion he felt during recovery. It was genuinely horrifying to read his early perspective--still the same person, stuck in his own mind, with all this knowledge right at his fingertips while being unable to grasp it. He knew what he wanted to communicate, he just didn't know how, and that is... terrifying. And devastating.

At the same time, I think the book (and his POV specifically) could've been a suffer-slog that would've ended up being more condescending than helpful, if not for the way that Kinsale so brilliantly made it clear that Christian WAS still himself. Like, yes, he was being horribly abused in this awful institution, but also... He was a haughty duke who thought himself better than the people abusing him, wanted to wear fancy clothes, and pretty quickly was devising ways to fuck this Quaker.

--Even though the sex is relatively light (I mean, pretty solid for the early 1990s in a historical, and in my opinion hotter than For My Lady's Heart but of course nowhere near my beloved Shadowheart) I found this book immensely sexy. And I want to say, I do think this was a really progressive move for the era in which the book was written. Christian is disabled, he is most definitely a fully grown adult man who can consent (whether or not he can verbalize his consent is another thing for much of the book), and he wants to, and very much can, FUCK. He can and does seduce--for a lot of the book, lol.

When we consider not only the depiction of disabled people in romance at the time (practically nonexistent) but the depiction of disabled people onscreen... Especially when the disability was related to the brain and communication the way Christian's is--there is such an infantilization, and there really still is on a very real level. The idea that because someone is disabled, they can't consent, they can't want sex and romance, they can't take an active role in procuring those things for themselves. It's so condescending and dehumanizing, and I really loved that the book didn't do that to him.

I mean, the cultural perceptions surrounding these issues are so real that I still see multiple reviews on GR saying that they felt uncomfortable with the sex scenes because they saw Christian as "infantile". At no point in this man's perspective is he EVER infantile. He's frustrated at points, which causes him to lash out in anger, something I doubt I would be able to resist in his position. He has a hard time getting words out, something he progressively improves upon over time (though, I did appreciate that the book ends with Christian still not having the exact same speaking style he had before his stroke, and the reality that some functions are just probably never going to be the exact same). He's fully an adult man.

But because there is that PERCEPTION, people just override that and somehow find him having (mutually enjoyable, loving) sex with Maddy uncomfortable. I mean, all the books where the hero kidnaps the heroine or basically forces her to have sex with him are fine, I guess, but a disabled man fucking hard is apparently distressing.

Anyway, long and short of it is, as someone who considers sex in romance novels to be incredibly important................... I thought that bit where he talked Hamlet to her before yanking her skirts up while she was all "BUT WE CAN'T FUCK NOW!!!!! IT'S DAYLIGHT!!!!!" was so.... delightful. I also really liked Maddy's sexual journey; it's a great awakening arc, and it obviously is such a huge metaphor for her very literally becoming a woman of the world and earthbound in a way that I don't think she allowed herself to be prior.

--Great cast of supporting characters. Love Durham and his dipshittery. Love Fane being like "you know Maddy I would fuck you if you wanted me to" in front of Christian. Loved Maddy's dad who clearly wanted her to get with hot math duke from day one. Loved Christian's aunt, who like, sucked on a lot of levels but was also hilariously and dumb practical in a way I appreciated. Walked in on them making out on the floor and went "well at least you're not gonna have an issue with getting her pregnant :/".

--I actually don't have a big issue with the baby mama plot, tbh. Could Eydie have been a more dimensional character? Yeah, but I find certain character types to be like... really symbolic of the era, and I don't mind them. She's very daytime soap, and I personally like those characters. To be honest, a lot of her behavior made sense to me, as a woman of the era and in her situation. Was it like, great behavior? No, but I didn't find a lot of it inherently evil so much as it was asshole-ish, but in a way in which I understood why she was that kind of person. I don't think that girl had much of a chance, and I appreciated that Christian even inwardly acknowledged that he basically led Eydie on. She was desperate for him to propose, it seemed like he might, and then she got stuck with this shitty husband. Popped out a couple of sons for that husband, finally got the guy she'd been pining for since before she was married into her bed, he got her pregnant and then maybe DIED??? Came back from the dead, doesn't want her or (in her perspective) their child. Now she's doing really poorly financially, with a kid she has a lot of mixed feelings about..........

Honestly, it was all kind of worth it to me for the scene where he looks down at his own baby like it's a kitten he's told the kids he's NOT keeping, and then slowly is like "fuck it I'm keeping it". Like, he really loves that baby, as much as he very much doesn't want to. This is really a book about loving people you don't wanna love, lol.

--The ending was fabulous, no notes, what a moment, couldn't even begin to handle that shit. "I WILL WAIT OUTSIDE FOR FIVE MINUTES AND IF YOU AREN'T THERE IN FIVE MINUTES I'LL BE GONE FOREVER" and then it cuts to him like "it had been over an hour and he was still there".

So yeah, 11/10, I loved it/