#WAIT ITS CALLED IMPOSSIBLE MINECRAFT NOT IMPOSSIBLE SMP whered i get that from

[eloscore]

impossible minecraft more like. um. uuummmm........ uhhhhhh

[mirinda03]

A MURDER OF CROWS

@inkytrinket-irii

Or, a fic about Phil’s crows/chat and the resulting effects on his family

Philza Minecraft.

Many tales were known about the man. Some said he was an immortal, nicknamed the Angel of death, who spread death throughout the lands. Others argued that actually served death as the most fateful of angels. Some suggested he was just a really old man, while others knew better. With black wings spanning on his back that carried him across both earth and sea.

People knew a lot about Philza, be it because of legends or tales.

What was not as well known about Phil was his murder.

And no, not as in Phil was secretly a murderer who got away with a crime in the middle of the night by escaping out of the third floor window and taking flight so as to not be seen by any passerby.

… anyways

Murder as in a group of crows, reminiscent of Phil’s crow-like black wings, that followed the Angel in mass.

Not many people knew about the crows, not from a want of secrecy but rather a lack of asking. If you were to ask Phil, he’d simply tell you that’s ‘chat’, but if you were to remain silent and assume Phil just.. had a bunch of domesticated birds then that was what you were left with.

There were only three people who really knew about Phil’s crow.

The second best kept secret of the angel.

His children.

————

Crows were a constant in the Minecraft Household.

Wherever you walked, it was almost a given that you’d come across a crow sitting by the window or on the beds.

Sometimes they brought trinkets of coins (which Tommy was more than happy to try to steal) and even though they couldn't communicate with the three younger members of the family, they all knew they were Phil's.

If they were ever in trouble, they could know their dad was watching by simply spotting one of the crows from the murder flying high.

However, it was almost impossible to discern the difference between Phil’s crows and normal crow’s.

Not only that but most people were unaware of the crows, or even that the angel of death was a father to three kids (two of which he found inside a refrigerator. Don't ask)

As expected, chaos ensued

———-

Tommy was almost outside his window, ready to sneak out of the house. He’d been grounded after he’d tried to claim one of the birds as his own and named it ‘Puss Boy’ (resulting in the bird now being permanently tagged as such.)

The murder, bunch of snitches they were, hadn’t been very happy about it and they snitched to Phil about it which earned Tommy a scolding and a grounding.

Which, fuck that. He’d promised Tubbo the two would go explore the nearby cave to try and find some bats. He wanted to name one Bartholomew, it was a pogchamp name for a bat after all.

How was he supposed to get a bat named Bartholomew if he was fucking grounded huh? It made, in his oh so humble opinion, no fucking sense.

So, he decided on the most obvious choice of course.

Sneaking out of the house.

He waited until his family members were asleep to climb down his window and across the roof of the porch, getting ready to jump and make a run for it when he heard a ruffle from behind him.

Slowly, he turned around to look at the big tree which leaves covered part of the roof.

Crow eyes stared back, a name tag around its neck standing out from its silvery color.

‘Puss boy’

. Ah fuck

He’d ended up getting ANOTHER scolding from Phil for trying to sneak out and even more days grounded. However apparently Puss Boy had spammed hit Phil with small pebbles on his head so it was grounded too, and alongside tommy to top it off.

“You are the most annoying fucking bird in the world” Tommy said, trying to get the crow to stop picking up his stuff from its bookshelves “Fucking DIE already”

The crow squawked, dropping yet another small object on Tommy’s head.

“I fucking hate you you fucking pussy bird i am going to get phil to cook you for dinner” Tommy warned as he tried to swat off the bird by jumping high.

The crow squawked again

“Dont you say that to me you absolute fucking bitchass bird— i dont actually know what you say BUT IM SURE IT WAS FUCKING STUPID”

Puss boy ended up sticking around Tommy even after the grounding was over, for some fucking reason.

Tommy, despite his increasing protests and remarks against it, kept the bird.

——-

The day the spirits appeared, Techno was actually having a pretty normal day. He’d woken up, tried not to step on too many crows and ended up stepping into some anyway, had stolen the last piece of bread right before Tommy could eat it and he’d started up with reading a brand new book from the family library.

Then, the spirits came.

It wasn’t a gradual thing that he realized as hours passed, no.

The voices were loud and sudden and brash

‘BLOODFORTHEBLOODGODBLOODFORTHEBLOODGODBLOODFORTHEBLOODGOD’

Who the fuck was the Blood God?

Techno shrugged, flipping another page on his book

‘EEEEEEEBLOODFORTHEBLOODGODETECHNOTECHNOBLADETECHN—‘

Techno ignored the spirits currently crowding him that demanded blood and focused on his book.

He didn't find this all that weird anyway. After all, Phil had birds that also spoke to him right?

Same thing

—————

Wilbur smiled as people came forward to praise him for his singing. The young 12 year old had just gotten done with his first recital.

His music teacher frowned

“Oh Wilbur, i’m sorry your dad didn't show up” The teacher said, patting him on the shoulder as the other kids excitedly talked to their parents.

Wilbur simply shrugged, a ‘what can you do about it’ gesture. His dad, as the angel of death, was honestly busy.

However, he certainly noticed the almost dozen crows watching the recital from the rooftops.

His dad wasn’t here physically, but he was certainly gonna hear all about it.

—————

“What the fuck are you doing?” Tubbo called out from the ground, staring at the level of altitude Tommy was up on “Are you planning to jump up from the branch? Cause if so, do a backflip!”

“No, you bitch, i’m not” Tommy said like it was the most ridiculous thing before turning back to where he was trying to hold a conversation with a bluebird.

“Call philllllll you stupid pussy” Tommy said “Cmon go fly back to dadza, you little snitch. Ill even give you something to gift him so hell pay attention to you”

Tommy threw a small coin at the bird, watching as it stared at the coin in confusion before ruffling its feathers and flying away coinless.

“OII. YOU FUCKER. ANSWER TO ME, CALL PHILLLL. PHILLLLLLL”

Tubbo stared at his friend in the tree, rolling his eyes and beginning to shake the tree

“Will you get down already, Tommy? Its almost curfew!”

“STOP SHAKING THE TREE IM GOING IM GOING—“

——————

Wilbur was having a staring contest with a crow.

Well, to be exact, Wilbur was planning to win a bet thanks to this crow.

“Wilbur just give up” Techno said boredly from his place on the ground “You’re never gonna guess it, can i go back to reading?”

The twins were sitting in their shared bedroom, sitting on the carpet floor.

One of them was being a ridiculously obstinate bastard wanting to win a stupid bet.

The other just wanted to read his book, thank you very much.

Neither of them were getting what they wanted it seemed.

Wilbur tired his gaze from the crow, glaring at his twin

“I’m telling you techno, I can guess whether it's one of dad’s or not. Just give me a couple of minutes”

He went back to his staring contest.

Techno sighed, putting his hands over his face

“Bruhhhhhhhhh”

————

The crows were a constant in the boy’s lives, following them around and telling them that no matter what their father was there. They just had to look for a crow nearby.

They were also very fucking annoying, in the youngest opinion.

However, he found himself looking for the familiarity of the crows as he walked into the new SMP Land. He found a trio of crows sitting on the branches of the tree and rolled his eyes, keeping eye of the following crows.

“Come on Puss boy” Tommy said to the crow, which was smuggled inside his backpack because of course it fucking was. The annoying bird was so clingy, ender “We’re gonna dominate this fucking Dream Smp Land!”