#WAAAAY too much to read

[harkingspot]

Heyo it’s me, I’m here to ruin ya day

Thoughts on Mitzi and Mordecai’s parallels and how desperate they are to find answers about Altas’s death?

mordecai heller and mitzi may: a piece on grieving.

FIRST of all, i apologise that this response took a very long time to cook up. i wanted it to be as fleshed out as possible because i do have a lot to say in this regard. the train of thought initially departed because of the widespread misunderstanding around mitzi’s character. to which i thought to myself: well it’s strange that people can easily extend their empathy towards mordecai, who (to me) has undoubtedly done worse. but what’s even worse is that, if you really look closely— if we made a venn diagram for these two, there’s a large chunk of overlap between them.

(p.s. now that i am proofreading all of this i realise its a bit different from what you asked but nonetheless i hope it captures the complex nature of grief as a theme in lackadaisy, especially when discussing the parallels between mitzi and mordecai)

so let’s break it down.

if someone wanted to read lackadaisy and asked me if there were any main themes that circled around the story— i would say: grief. more specifically, the consequences of untapped grief. mean the story itself starts off with the mysterious and brutal death of atlas may, who was THE big cat behind the lackadaisy. atlas himself was an enigma, and i have mentioned this before in another post. his position within the story bears a lot of similarities to rose quartz as they play the ghastly spouse that haunts the narrative.

however, this is not about atlas, but instead the two people that served as his vessel after his passing:

his wife, mitzi, and his right-hand man, mordecai.

instead of dissecting this theme individually, finding the differences between the two, i thought it would do the analysis more justice to extract it directly from the source material itself. initially i wanted to talk about how this grieving bleeds out onto others around them (e.g. mitzi forging a check from wick, mordecai kneecapping viktor).

let’s take “hamstring” and “monomania” for example, as they both converse over asa’s claims at their lunch. but if you really think about it, it was never about that.

this scene embodies a power struggle between the two. for one, mitzi’s mentions of mordecai’s “obsession” as a deflection. she sees his rigid loyalty as both a flaw and a threat. by framing mordecai as overly fixated, she’s able to position herself as the more pragmatic party who is trying to keep afloat. which is true and mitzi, rightfully, views mordecai as a “relentless former associate.” his meticulous nature, his refusal to let go of the past, and his allegiance to ideals that no longer align with business’ survival paints him as the wildcard to her. then again, it’s hard to take empty words from someone that had abandoned the very concept he claims to protect.

that’s not to say mordecai doesn’t return the sentiment, because he very much does. to him, mitzi’s pragmatism looks more like opportunism, evident in her willingness to bend rules, and in his perspective, betray atlas’ vision to keep the business alive. while she plays the capable leader, that imagery clashes with his perception of her as someone who lacks discipline— possibly bred by the history that mordecai knows her to be atlas’ wife and nobody more. he sees mitzi as culpable in the lackadaisy’s downfall and he makes sure she knows this.

but at the end of the day, they are having this conversation inside the same car. while one might interpret this being the main divergence between the two, we can see a striking commonality in which they are failed actors starring in roles they never wanted.

what do i mean by this? while the dont outwardly acknowledge it, grief survives in this scenario as a subtext. you can tell by the use of dialogue. mitzi’s sarcastic tone and pointed remarks, almost shoving the spotlight towards mordecai, suggests a stage of denial and pain that comes with her grieving over atlas. remember what mordecai said to mitzi in response?

“losses are endemic to this business. you’ve brought them on yourself in your persistence… as though you could bring the remains of atlas’ estate to anything but further disgrace.”

his crticisim of mitzi isn’t just about the state of the lackadaisy, in fact, mordecai subconsciously targets himself for his own inability to move on. mordecai and mitzi are different people, that is no question. but this scene serves as a great analogy that this conversation could very much be happening in their heads. this is a conversation not between two people but between one and oneself.

here’s also another thing to note: their seating arrangement.

whether or not tracy meant for this to be intentional, there’s a lot you can take in this scene in regards to their character. mitzi sits in the passenger seat at the front, where the light is more prominent. it symbolises her active role as the current face of the lackadaisy and the one taking on visible responsibility for its perseverance. however, note that she is still in the passenger seat, not the driver’s— mitzi is losing control, she is struggling to move forward in the wake of atlas’ passing. but she’s still not fully in charge of its trajectory, think of how asa and mordecai looks down on her current position.

occasionally, she’d glance back at mordecai to speak, which definitely shows her discomfort and mistrust towards him, she’s unwilling to fully confront him. and in my opinion, not only does this reveal her vulnerability, this also shows her internal discontent.

mordecai, on the other hand, is sitting behind her (literally AND metaphorically) in the shadows. he sits in the back, detached from the lackadaisy but not completely. he observes mitzi from behind, his direct vision fixed on the back of her head, almost as if he’s reflecting on her choices and her struggles— perhaps… confronted with his own betrayal.

plus, if you’re thinking: what about the holes in the windows? GREAT question. despite how they want to present themselves, be it independent (mitzi) or calculated (mordecai), they’re both incredibly vulnerable individuals.

as they sit in this confined space together, they breathe in the air of their inescapable bond and mutual dependence. their dynamic equal parts antagonistic and deeply intertwined.

[osamusriceballs]

24 hours of Christmas <3

Different haikyuu characters x reader

Warnings: None

Words: ~ 2,8 k

A/n: 24 different haikyuu characters and each will get a ~100 words drabble about how they spend Christmas with you! All soft and gender neutral I think (tell me if I missed something though), no warnings here! <3

5:00 am - Ushijima

"Toshi?"

You sleepily reach for him and grab his shirt. He pauses and turns to you, just a dark silhouette in the dimly lit room.

"Go back to sleep, y/n. I'll be back when you wake up." He talks lowly, but his deep voice still fills the room in a comforting way. Reassuringly, he grabs your hand, and his thumb rubs circles on the back of your hand. "I thought you'd stay with me. It's Christmas." He hesitates and thinks about this for a second. Then, you feel the bed dip under his weight, and he pulls your body against his. "You're right. I should take a rest day. And it's Christmas." He maneuvers your body until your back presses against his chest, his warmth making you feel comforted instantly. His body entangled with yours, that's how you fall asleep again with a content smile on your face.

6:00 am - Yamaguchi

Craftsmen start their days early.

And craftsmen also work on holidays.

Two things that you had to get used to after dating Yamaguchi Tadashi for years now. Your boyfriend has to work the early Christmas shift today, which is not surprising to you.

What you didn't expect, though, was to find a fully decorated table with breakfast and a sweet note when you wake up too. "Merry Christmas! I'll miss you today, my love! Enjoy your present and breakfast and wait for me until I'm home - I want to spend the day with you <3"

7:00 am - Tendou

"Babe," he grins while he presses a kiss against your lips. You can taste the chocolate on his lips; he probably stole a bit or two while preparing all the Christmas cakes at work. "Satori, why do you still have so much energy? You probably worked 8 hours non-stop." You sleepily smile back and grab his shirt weakly to pull him in for another kiss. "The thought of coming back to you filled me with energy. Wanna spend the day with you and watch cheesy Christmas movies. I have a list of the most trashy romances. Wanna get started now?"

You groan and rub your eyes. "Maybe just a short nap? And then we can get started?"

"Okay, babe. But I might eat your special Christmas cake while you sleep." He grins mischievously, and you gasp while you hastily push back the blanket and chase him to the kitchen.

"Don't you dare!"

8:00 am - Hinata

"Shoyo," you giggle while he buries his face in the crook of your neck, feeling his soft hair tickling your cheek. "I don't wanna get up, y/n. Let's stay in bed a bit longer."

"You told me that there is a Christmas volleyball match. You told me it's a great idea to go there." You softly laugh when he whines while he keeps you from getting up. "I know. But maybe it's a bad idea. Maybe we should just stay here." You know that he's not serious, so you decide to play into his game. "Yes, Tobio can tell us about it later, huh?" Hinata raises his head instantly. "No way! Y/n, we need to go. Come!" He gently grabs your hands and directs you to the bathroom, and you let him lead you with a smile.

9:00 am - Nishinoya

"Look at this!" He excitedly points towards a dolphin, and you quickly snap a picture with your camera. "I got it, Yuu!"

If somebody had told you that you would spend Christmas in the middle of nowhere in the ocean, you would have laughed. But here you are, with only Nishinoya Yuu and more fish than you could ever count around you- and you actually couldn't be happier. "Do you want to go diving later? I have all the equipment for us." You grin and nod enthusiastically.

"That sounds great!"

10 am - Tsukishima

"Did you see my glasses, y/n?"

"I didn't- wait, I got them." You fish for them on the table, and he stands perfectly still while you place them on his nose. You smile and press a quick peck to his lips, ignoring his playful snicker after the action. "I should probably get a new pair anyway. My eyes got worse lately." He sighs, and you grin mischievously.

"Maybe you'll get a new pair from Santa tonight? Do you think you've been a good boy?"

He rolls his eyes, and you whine when he squinches your cheeks. "Careful, or else you will not get anything from Santa this year too."

You freeze at his words, thinking about the beautifully wrapped gift that you have spotted under the tree.

"I'm sorry, Kei! Please forgive me! Hey, don't walk away. KEI!"

11:00 am - Sugawara

"Did you-"

"Yes, I put the salad in the car already. We're ready, y/n, don't worry." He looks fondly at you, and you embarrassedly rub the back of your neck. "I just want it all to be perfect."

"I know." He caresses your cheek and looks into your eyes. "And it will be perfect. As long as we're together, it will always be." You nod and place your hand over his, feeling his warmth against your cheek. "Let's go then?"

His hand moves to your hand and grabs it gently.

"Let's go."

12:00 pm - Oikawa

"How does it feel?"

"How does what feel?"

"Knowing that you'll get the perfect present tonight?" Oikawa smiles, and you pretend to think hard for a second.

"I don't know. You tell me?" His eyes widen, surprised, and then he laughs happily. "I can't even fight with that. You always have the best presents for me."

You playfully puff your chest, and he laughs even louder.

"That's why I love you, y/n."

"I love you too, Tooru."

1:00 pm - Kageyama

"Tobio, can you help me with the dress?"

"Yes." You hear him yell, and after a few moments, you find your handsome boyfriend in a suit right behind you. He is quick to move behind you and to close the zipper of your dress, his hands warm and skillful as he makes sure not to twist the zipper in the process.

He looks at you when he finishes, and his gaze softens.

"You look amazing, y/n."

"You too." You smile, and he leans down to peck your lips quickly.

"Let's go then?"

2:00 pm - Bokuto

His hand grabs yours firmly, and you thankfully scoot closer to him. He wraps an arm around you, and you feel warmer instantly. "You okay, baby?" You nod and smile at him, and he grins almost blindingly at you. "You look so cute, baby. With your cap and your scarf." He pecks your lips, and you grab his hand a bit tighter, already getting flustered.

"We have to hurry, though. Or else we'll be late at my sister's." He pouts cutely, and you quickly peck his lips to cheer him up - successfully. "Don't worry. We'll be on time for the Christmas dinner."

He nods at your reassurance and wraps his arm around you, and you cuddle against him while you both enjoy each other's near.

3:00 pm - Akaashi

"Keiji?" "Hmm?" he hums and raises his gaze. "You're reading a Christmas story, right?" He nods, his eyes following you curiously when you simply lay down on the couch and rest your head on his lap.

"Do you want to read it to me?"

He smiles and caresses your cheeks lovingly. "It's a funny Christmas story, actually. It needs a bit of proofreading, that's for sure, but it has potential."

You smile at him, leaning your face into his palm.

"Sounds good. Read to me then?"

"Yes, my love."

4:00 pm - Osamu

His arms wrap around you, and you smile when you feel his chest pressing against your back.

"What's my lovely wife doing here? Smells delicious." He buries his nose in your hair, and you smile while you pat his hand on your stomach.

"Just some Christmas cookies. Do you want to help me with the frosting?"

"Hmm." He nods but makes no attempt to move but continues to hold you. "Samu?"

"Just a little bit longer. Missed ya all day." He tilts your cheek and presses a slow, loving kiss against your lips, and you happily return it.

5:00 pm - Aran

"Have you seen the-"

He stops mid-sentence when he sees you with his Christmas-themed tie. You shake your head with a smile while you come closer to help him with it. "I can't believe you're actually wearing it. It's a fashion crime."

He sighs, his eyes closing for a short second while he probably regrets ever having met the Miya twins. "I'm sorry, love. It's just one night. I'll never wear it again. We can burn it after that."

You softly laugh and rest your hands on his broad chest after you finished fixing the tie. "It's okay. I will not leave you because of a piece of cloth. No matter how ugly it is." You scrunch your nose when you look at the atrocity adorning your handsome boyfriend's chest, and he laughs softly at your words.

"That's why I love you."

6:00 pm - Suna

"You're just like the Grinch." You scrunch your nose and look at your husband. He just rolls his eyes and darts towards the Christmas tree. "If I'm the Grinch, then why are there multiple presents for you under this tree?" You cross your arms in front of your chest and pout.

"Why don't you want to watch the Grinch then?"

"Not wanting to watch the Grinch makes me a Grinch?"

You quickly realize the holes in your argumentation and make an attempt to leave the room in silent shame, but Suna is quick enough to catch you and to wrap his arms around you.

"Nah-uh, no escaping from the Grinch. Come on. Let's watch it then."

7:00 pm - Matsukawa

A lazy grin is on his lips when he bites into the last cookie, his eyes rolling back at the exquisite taste.

"Don't you dare to finish this one alone! I swear to god, I'll leave you! I'll hand in a divorce, Matsukawa Issei! No more Mrs. Matsukawa, just imagine how lonely and cold your bed will be without me!" You playfully throw your hands and give him the most intimidating glare you can manage, and he is quick to surrender.

"I give up. Come here, Mrs. Matsukawa. I saved a whole cookie for you." He grins even wider when he shows you another cookie that he hid in his other hand, and you smile and sit down next to him.

"I actually love you, hubby, you know that, right?"

“Are you only saying that because you want the cookie?“

“…is it working?“

8:00 pm - Asahi

"Come here." He opens his arms, and you quickly join him on the couch and allow him to wrap his arms around you. You rest your face against his chest, and he presses a kiss to your head.

"That was a great first Christmas together." You nod and turn your face to him, only to see him watching you with soft eyes. "I think it was great too." You glance down towards the Christmas sweaters that both of you are wearing, the ones that he actually designed himself and feel your heart swell with affection and love for this man.

A great Christmas indeed.

9:00 pm - Hoshiumi

"I can't believe you beat me at golf." He sighs and falls dramatically back to the couch, and you move around the humongous Christmas tree to follow him. "It was literally Wii Sports. I don't even think the console is properly working." You lay down next to him, and he wraps his arms around you energetically. "No, babe. I just have the best partner ever. Someone who is able to beat a professional athlete at Wii Sports? That's either a Christmas miracle or pure talent."

You giggle and allow him to press a kiss to your lips.

"Maybe both."

10:00 pm - Sakusa

You place the last plate in the dishwasher and finally turn on the machine. "I'm done with the kitchen, Kiyoomi!" You yell and grab a bottle of mulled wine and two mugs.

"I finished the living room too." You hear Sakusa answer, and he suddenly appears behind you in the kitchen while you set a pot on the stove and empty the bottle into it.

He raises an eyebrow and looks at you. "Do you want to drink a glass with me?" you ask, and he nods. "I definitely need it after today." He groans, and you softly laugh. "I'm just glad that I got to spend the day with you. No matter how stressful it was." He smiles and pulls you against his body, and you happily wrap your arms around him.

"I love you too."

11 pm - Atsumu

"Not to be that person, but there's a mistletoe above us."

"And?" You put your hands on your hips and look at your blonde boyfriend with a pout. "And that means we have to kiss." He taps his lips with his finger, and you softly laugh at his cute pouty face.

"No, I meant, and why aren't we kissing already?"

You giggle when he eagerly places his hands on your hips and leans down to connect your lips with his, and you wrap your arms around his neck while you kiss him back.

"Merry Christmas."

12:00 am - Kita

"We should go to bed." You yawn and look at the fireplace in front of you, already dreading to leave the warm spot. "We could also sleep here? I can get the blankets and we'll just stay here?" You look at him with stars in your eyes at his words, and he can't suppress a fond smile at your reaction. "Sounds good!"

It doesn't take Kita long to come back with enough blankets and pillows to make you feel like you're in your actual bed. "I think that's enough, Shin. Just come here, please?"

He nods and quickly joins you under the blankets.

And that's how you fall asleep - wrapped in each other's arms while the room is softly illuminated by the fire.

1:00 am - Kuroo

You frown upon noticing that the light in the living room is still on. Slowly getting to your feet, you move towards the living room, where you spot your husband on the couch, softly snoring despite the brightly lit room. He was probably quite tired after the Christmas party at work that, unfortunately, you could not attend. Quickly dimming the light, you go back to the living room to grab a few blankets before approaching him. You set the blankets down and gently work on his tie- and he suddenly blinks tiredly at you.

"Y/n?"

"Shh, it's me—just let me remove your tie, then we can go back to bed." He hums softly, and when you caress his cheek, he turns his face towards you and kisses your palm.

It doesn't take long for you to get under the sheets with him comfortably, and he instinctively wraps his arms around you, pulling you close.

"Good night, Tetsu."

"G'night, love."

2 am - Kenma

"Merry Christmas, everyone. I'm gonna go now."

He skims through some comments, and his eyes linger on one.

"Where is y/n? Y/n will come tomorrow. If y/n's up for it, we might stream together."

He smiles at the prospect of seeing you tomorrow—finally. It's been way too long. "Y/n and I will just stay at my place tomorrow. Nothing special planned. We haven't seen each other in a while, so we just want to relax and catch up."

His eyes suddenly spot one comment from a user that is well-known to him, and he feels a blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Miss you, my kitty. See you tomorrow! <3"

3 am - Makki

"I can't believe that we played Monopoly till 3 am."

You try to hide your yawn, but he definitely notices. "It was a great gift from me then, right? We should get some rest, though; you can barely keep your eyes open."

"You're right." You yawn again, and he gently grabs your hand, helping you get up. "Come on, y/n. Enough Christmas Monopoly for today. Let's go to bed."

You nod, and he says, "I don't know if you have enough money to pay for a night with me. My cuddles are expensive." He looks at the non-existent amount of money on your side, and you playfully smack his arm.

"Hey! Careful, or you can sleep on the couch!"

"Please, no!"

4 am - Daichi

"Sawamura?" You yawn when the bed dips with his weight, and a rather cool body presses against yours. "Sorry, love. I didn't mean to wake you." You blindly press a kiss where you suspect his lips are but only find his cheek, and he softly chuckles. "Let us catch some sleep, and then we'll have our fancy Christmas dinner, okay?"

You nod and press yourself closer against him, happy that he is finally here with you in bed.

"Sounds good."

[zombiekillerbiceps]

The First, Good Birthday

Note: this was so sweet and romantic to write. /I am ignoring resi6 and it's existence it's supposed to be fluff just work with me here/

Content: 2.3k, 18+, SFW, slight angst, fluff, mentions of drugs (a joint) and alcohol, between re2 and 4, Leon x Reader, gn reader, no y/n.

Reader gives Leon his best birthday yet.

"That is... The saddest fucking story anyone's ever told me," you say, genuinely shocked.

"No, no, it was great cause the socks were really well made," Leon insisted, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Yeah, Jesus, I wouldn't celebrate my birthday either."

Leon snorted his amusement, raising his eyebrows as if to say I told you so.

What he told you was that he never really got to celebrate his birthday in his foster home. It was usually half-forgotten and rushed, gifted things likely found around the house or picked up at the gas station with the price tag still on it. The best birthday he ever had as a child was his 13th birthday. His foster parents had just gotten a huge donation, which meant he got fun necessities like... An electric tooth brush and good, wool socks.

"What about your best birthday as an adult?" You ask, hoping the story will lighten the mood. You expect some drunken, coming-of-age quest that you can make fun of him for later.

"My 18th birthday," he says. "I aged out of foster care. It was my first day in my own apartment and I went out and got a steak dinner."

"With friends?" You ask.

He doesn't answer.

"Babe, with friends, right?"

Still no answer.

"You understand we have to throw you the best birthday anyone's ever been thrown, right?"

-

When his birthday rolled around, you really did go all out, right from the minute you woke up. You made pancakes using the dinosaur-cookie cutters you were gifted as a gag one year. They were metal, and you definitely burned yourself a few times trying to flip the flap jacks. But, the result was vaguely dinosaur shaped pancakes that were too thick to cook through fully. So, that was... good.

When Leon finally padded out to the kitchen, he found you running your hand under cold water, butter burning in the pan, and a Jurassic Park-level dinosaur pancake massacre as the pancakes lost their shape and broke apart under their own weight.

He rushed over to turn off the stovetop. He pulled the spitting, smoking butter pan off the element and moved towards the sink where you were leaning, quickly avoided disaster, and put the pan on a different element. He was then at your side assessing the burn.

"I'm fine, really, I get worse burns at work," you tell him.

"What were you even trying to do?"

"I don't know, make you a cute breakfast."

His eyes drift over to the graveyard of dismembered dinosaurs.

"Nothing says cute like uh. Shapes."

"They were triceratops," you inform him as matter-of-factly as possible. "And a T-Rex."

He laughs, a surprised bark of laughter that makes the burned hands and messy counters worth it. His eyes squint up and he throws his head back as he laughs. His hair falls out of his face and catches the early afternoon light, illuminating him like a halo, and for a moment you just appreciate how beautiful he is.

"Why don't we just go out for breakfast?" He offers.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," you agree.

The two of you wind up at your favourite local coffee shop. It was a bit expensive, but their lattes truly were something special. Plus, their breakfast sandwiches were better than the under-cooked flour waiting for you at home. You take the morning slowly, sipping coffee on a warm patio, watching the world go by.

"Alright, what time is it?" You ask, stretching your arms above your head. Leon checks his phone.

"Noon," he tells you. "Have something else planned?"

"Not until later," you say. "I thought we could hit that independent book store down the street."

"When you said this was going to be my best birthday ever, I really expected more fanfare," he teased you.

"Can it, or I'm getting the socks."

He laughed with you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you walked. It was a beautiful day out. Bright sun, clear skies, and a cool enough breeze to fend off the heat. Leon smiled easily, his body relaxed for once. Even if it wasn't a big, flashy birthday, you thought that giving him an afternoon where he could just relax with you was good enough.

The bookstore was inside an old house. Doors were taken off hinges so former kitchens and bedrooms could be turned into the Paranormal Mystery and Erotic Thriller sections. Bookcases overflowed with worn paperbacks, books cluttered half-open across tables, and novels spiraled up the staircase until there was hardly enough room to go up and down. A kindly old woman manned the check out counter with her bespeckled face buried in an Agatha Christie mystery. Her wife, a sturdier old woman rearranged a stack of scientific non-fiction. A big golden lab with a white muzzle laid on the porch and happily thumped his tail in greeting, licking Leon's hand as he passed. A fluffy, one-eyed cat stretched out across an open copy of Moby Dick like she was reading it.

You and Leon took your time picking through books, occasionally picking one up and dramatically reading the back or a choice passage to one another. You got to learn a lot about him. He liked poetry books, but pretended he didn't. He hated thrillers. He was interested in architecture, hovering around their section for longer than you anticipated, but you didn't mind. Least surprising was his love of classics.

In the end, you two left the store with only a few books. One by Trevor and Chamberlain titled Eastern European Castles and their Effect on the New American Rich, as well as a copy of Don Quixote, and an annotated pocket poetry book from the 1800's that you pretended not to see. You wouldn't judge him for it, but if he wanted to keep his love of poetry secret, you'd let him.

"This was a really nice birthday," Leon said, kissing your temple as the two of you left the bookstore feeling undeniably a little dusty.

"Was? It's not over yet!"

You insisted on getting some food that you could eat while walking on your way home. Dinner wouldn't be until late. You settled on vegetable kebabs and fresh squeezed lemonade.

"Go shower," you told him almost as soon as you got home.

"Are you planning on joining me?" He asked, hands playfully pulling at your hips. You blushed, giggling while you swatted him away.

"I've got a few more things to do. Hurry up, we don't want to be late."

You cleaned up the kitchen and sent off a few, final texts verifying everyone would be there. You prepped up a few things for dinner, and then since there was still time, you hopped in the shower with Leon for just a few minutes. Not long enough to do anything fun, but you cherished the quiet intimacy of washing his back and shoulders for him. Kissing the freshly clean skin when you were done.

The next hour or so happened in a blur of responding to texts and getting ready and playfully teasing Leon about the upcoming night he knew nothing about. Finally, wearing accidentally matching black button ups, you and Leon left the house. He insisted on taking the motor cycle. And he insisted on taking the scenic route, meaning he showed up late to his own birthday party.

The venue was a semi-upscale whisky bar. It struck a balance between modernism and industrialism, giving it a cool (but kind of snotty) vibe. You led him in by the hand. When the door swung open, you were greeted by a live jazz band and, almost immediately, a cheering chorus of voices.

Most of Leon's coworkers leaned over at the bar, raising their glasses in greeting of him. Leon left you to greet them, grinning and laughing with them immediately. One of them raised a glass to you, and you gave a lazy two finger salute back.

"Hey! Kennedy!" Emerging from the bathroom was an absolute behemoth of a man, Chris Redfield.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Leon cried. The two hugged tightly, patting each other on the back the way men did. Not too many men could make Leon look small, but Chris sure did.

A feminine hand gently touched Leon's back, and you watched him light up for the third time that night as he recognized Claire. Leon wrapped her up in a hug that lifted her off the ground. You smiled to yourself, watching as the three of them immediately get swept up in reminiscing. Leon's coworkers surrounded them, loudly talking and joking amongst themselves.

It was about an hour before another woman joined Leon at the bar, earning a surprised cry from Leon and his coworkers.

"Hunnigan!? Who got you to leave the house?!" One of them asked. Hunnigan shrugged, then tilted her head over to where you sat, half watching the party and half listening to the band. Leon beamed at you from across the room and you instantly got butterflies.

You got a text about twenty minutes later.

Meet us outside.

You approached the crowd to take Leon by the hand. He immediately turned and kissed you so passionately it took your breath away. You stepped away from him to a wave of oooooohs. In front of all his friends? Embarassing. And flattering.

"One more present," you tell him. He looks at you like he doesn't believe you.

"What more could you possibly give me?"

"Well, Hunnigan is the one that pulled this one together. You owe her big time. C'mon." You led him outside by the hand.

The cool night air was a welcome reprieve. You didn't realize how warm the bar was until you stepped into the night. Waiting outside was a nameless suit in front of a rich black car. He held a letter.

You gestured for Leon to take it. He did, cautiously, his eyes quickly serious and observant. You didn't miss how his hand hovered over his empty hip. You wondered if he was even aware of doing it. When he took the letter, the suit got back into the car and they drove off.

Leon read the letter. Then again. Then again. Tears started to well in his eyes and your heart dropped into your stomach.

"Babe, I'm so sorry, I thought it would be a nice-" he cut you off with a crushing hug. He buried his face into your shoulder and held you until your hands went numb.

"I don't know how you pulled this off," he said. "But, thank you."

You kissed him on the cheek and separated yourself from him.

"Why don't I go get Claire?" You offered. He smiled at you, and you took that as good enough.

You went back inside to get Claire. Leon showed her the letter, and her eyes widened, looking between it and Leon in disbelief.

"A letter from Sherry?" She asked. Leon nodded, and you headed back inside to let the two have a private moment.

You took the opportunity to get to know Leon's friends. Hunnigan complained about his attitude, his friends told embarrassing stories about him, and Chris alternated between praising Leon and solidifying some sibling-like rivalry between them.

Leon and Claire eventually came back in smelling like good weed. You assumed Claire brought a joint with her, as she was known to do at parties. All of you drank and chatted and joked. Laughter came often and in great, thunderous roars. At one point Leon dragged you onto the dancefloor, and when he got tired, Claire happily took his place.

-

Chris received a text from Jill and had to excuse himself to "tend to the missus." His leaving signaled the beginning of the end, and slowly the party thinned out until it was just you and Leon again. You two decided to walk home, too intoxicated to drive.

You two chatted the whole way home, gossiping about this person and that event. Leon was practically bursting with energy. His stomach growled and you had to soothe him with promises of one last present.

"Hey," he stopped in front of the door of your shared home. He took your face in his hands, gratitude plain on his face. "Thank you for tonight. Especially Sherry's letter, I have no idea how you-"

"Again, Hunnigan. I think I owe her a life debt now."

"You." Leon insisted. "You had the idea. You made it happen. You made everything happen tonight, and I don't know how to thank you."

"It's a birthday party, you don't have to thank me."

He kissed you, slow and gentle. He held you close in his arms while he did. You felt how much he loved you then, maybe more than any other kiss he'd ever given you. Eventually he pulled away, the affection in the softness of his gaze making him look like a younger, more hopeful man.

"One more present," you insisted.

You lead him inside the house and set him up in front of the TV while you cooked dinner. It went off without any of the prior disasters, luckily. Then you set up the table with the fanciest tableware you had. When you called Leon in, he could only chuckle in disbelief.

"One fancy steak dinner for one Monsieur Kennedy," you announced with quiet bravado, pouring a glass of Malbec.

He sat down at one end. You sat at the other. The two of you were starving and the meal went down pretty quickly, but not unsavoured. When you were done, Leon took your hand in his.

"A nice steak dinner shared with the love of your life," you said, gesturing with your free hand. The dying candle light warmed Leon's complexion, capturing his blonde hair in an orange glow. The flame danced in his blue eyes. He looked at you with nothing but love and appreciation. He looked beautiful. "Happy 25th birthday, my love."

-

[captainfairygodmother]

Okay, I don't know if this has been said before, or if it's just like a basic idea that everyone knows and I'm very late to understand it, or maybe I'm just looking in places that don't need to be looked at, so forgive me (ha) if it is, but...

"You know, the current word from upstairs is that we'll be shutting this all down again in about 6,000 years."

Is this foreshadowing? Like, not just for Armageddidn't in S1, which was obviously what Aziraphale was referring to in this scene. But maybe, just maybe, it's foreshadowing whatever is to come in S3.

Obviously, by "we", Aziraphale meant Heaven/the angels as a whole, because they were the only ones around back then.

But what if it has a double meaning? Will Aziraphale and Crowley (inadvertently, I'd presume) shut down not just Earth, but the universe? Will it be just Aziraphale? Just Crowley? I mean, surely if Crowley and Aziraphale were the ones to start up the universe, they can be the ones to end it, too...

[and-i-like-youuu]

Queerness and I Want To Hold Your Hand

Lately, I've been thinking about the potential queer themes in I Want To Hold Your Hand. The only reason I started thinking about it was because of this quote I saw on one of amoralto's posts where John Lennon said:

"It’s a plus, it’s not a minus. The plus is that your best friend, also, can hold you without… I mean, I’m not a homosexual, or we could have had a homosexual relationship and maybe that would have satisfied it, with working with other male artists. [faltering] An artist – it’s more – it’s much better to be working with another artist of the same energy, and that’s why there’s always been Beatles or Marx Brothers or men, together. Because it’s alright for them to work together or whatever it is. It’s the same except that we sleep together, you know? I mean, not counting love and all the things on the side, just as a working relationship with her, it has all the benefits of working with another male artist and all the joint inspiration, and then we can hold hands too, right?"

— John Lennon, interview w/ Sandra Shevey. (1972)

There's so much to unpack from this quote, but I'm going to focus on the last bit of it which really caught my attention. Whilst talking about his creative and romantic relationship with Yoko, John consistently compared it to the kind of creative relationship he had with male artists and how his relationship with her was a lot like the relationships he had had with other male artists except that he was allowed to be in love with her.

If we deconstruct the quote and bullet point each of the qualities he listed as positives with his relationship with Yoko this is what we get:

"A best friend who can hold you without..." I don't want to speak for John or twist his words, but I think the word "fear" or "disgust" can fit very naturally at the end of that thought. And while he doesn't finish that thought, it's pretty clear where he was going with that because he cuts himself off by claiming "I mean, I'm not a homosexual."

"An artist – it’s more – it’s much better to be working with another artist of the same energy..." My take on the "same energy" means same wave-length or same creative chemistry. Or, his equal.

"It’s the same except that we sleep together, you know?" as opposed to him and other male artists.

"just as a working relationship with her, it has all the benefits of working with another male artist"

"Joint inspiration"

"And then we can hold hands too, right?"

If we take away any sense of pronouns and just look at the way John looks at the kind of creative/romantic partnership he valued so much, he placed a lot of emphasis on the creative energy of the relationship as well as the physical aspect of that kind of relationship. There's this sense that he has had a relationship a lot like the one he had with Yoko except that he had wanted a lot of romantic things he could not have because the other artist was male. But with Yoko, he could have it all because she’s a woman.

And that last bit where John said he could hold hands with Yoko struck me as a bit of an odd example to give, but then when I remembered I'm queer I was like OH.

Because, in the heteronormativity of back then, wouldn't a man and woman holding hands be okay? It would've just seem perfectly natural. But why would he have phrased it like a question: "And then we can hold hands too, right?" unless he had, at one point, thought of the alternative: holding hands with another man.

Just so it doesn't seem like I'm beating around the bush here, I think John was thinking about Paul in that entire quote. Which then leads me onto the song I Want To Hold Your Hand.

"We wrote a lot of stuff together, one-on-one, eyeball to eyeball. Like in ‘I Want To Hold Your Hand’, I remember when we got the chord that made the song. We were in Jane Asher’s house, downstairs in the cellar playing on the piano at the same time. And we had, ‘Oh you-u-u… got that something…’ And Paul hits this chord and I turn to him and say, ‘That’s it!’ I said, ‘Do that again!’ In those days, we really used to absolutely write like that – both playing into each other’s nose."

John Lennon, 1980 All We Are Saying, David Sheff

I included the above quote because it exemplified the kinds of qualities John liked in a creative/romantic partner. He didn't say it directly, but based off that quote you could tell John thought he and Paul had a lot of creative energy together, "We wrote a lot of stuff together, one-on-one, eyeball to eyeball." You could tell that songwriting with Paul was an incredibly intimate and special activity with him. And he emphasized their closeness again at the end of that quote when he said, "In those days, we really used to absolutely write like that---both playing into each other's nose." (Okay. They totally kissed ahfjkdhas I'm only joking...but am I?).

As I said, there's a sense of physical closeness to his description, but if you'll notice, there's no actual touching involved. Just a closeness that borders on an invasion of one’s space. "Eyeball-to-eyeball" and "into each other's noses." And then, the "one-on-one," this was something only they did with each other. All their focus on each other.

So, compared with the quote about Yoko about how John could have all that physical and open affection with her. I believe this quote exemplifies John's desire to have had more with Paul.

Okay, so I keep saying I'm going to talk about the song, and I am! But first, some context. I Want To Hold Your Hand was written in 1963; homosexuality remained illegal until 1967 in England. Given that backdrop, if John had had feelings for Paul he wouldn’t have been able to act on them even if he wanted to. Assuming, that is, he was aware of his feelings.

So, to the song!

This was a song both of them wrote together; therefore, it’s hard to say who wrote what lyrics, but I’d like to look at it with a queer lens.

If you look at the lyrics as a whole, there are no pronouns. The song is directed at “you.” Which, in general, is brilliant because it means it could be anyone. Fans could imagine it was them they were singing about or they could imagine someone they wanted to hold hands with too. And also when you think about how John and Paul wrote it “eyeball-to-eyeball” and “into each others noses” … well. It could very well be a confession disguised as a song.

The “let me hold your hand” is one or both of them asking for permission to hold hands. Given the backdrop of criminalized homosexuality, an act like that would’ve been considered “gross indecency” and punishable by law. And to sing that in front of millions? Everyone would’ve assumed they were singing about a vague/general “you,” but if John for instance had had Paul in mind, it would’ve been like asking him in front of the whole audience, the whole world, for permission to hold hands with him. Alongside that it also would’ve been like asking for the audience’s permission to do it as well, in a way. Because the only thing that stopped him from doing that or asking that, I’m sure, were the laws and the homophobia of the time. So, it very well could’ve been let me hold his hand.

The “I wanna hold your hand” is the same as the above except it’s a confession not a request. I want to do this, but the I cant goes unsaid. Which begs the question of why? If we look at it from a hetero perspective, the likely explanation would be “oh, because she doesn’t feel the same way” or “she doesn’t know his feelings” or whatever. But from a queer lens, well, we know why.

Given what John said about his thoughts about creative/romantic partners and how much he valued physical closeness, the lines “And when I touch you / I feel happy inside” serve as a reflection of that. Which I can’t help but recall when Paul said John told him:

So, with that lyric, the act of touch would’ve felt especially significant during that time especially since physical affection between men, even if it was platonic, would’ve been seen as taboo. But the “happy inside” is a private feeling, which is being confessed about in the song.

In queer literature, there are often themes of “hiding” to be found. So, I find the inclusion of the lyric “I can’t hide” very interesting. Because the song itself is the opposite of hiding, in a way. It was putting feelings out there without outing oneself.

In a nutshell, I believe I Want To Hold Your Hand is a veiled confessional love song with queer connotations.

[aholefilledwithtwigs]

hi. do you like furries

i do 😸

[airawisteria]

[ID: A digital drawing of Sora from Kingdome Hearts wearing a black hoodie with red and white accents, a black shirt with a white butterfly in the upper centre of the shirt, white and grey headphones and black jeans with silver chains hanging from them. He has his signature crown necklace and is lying down in a green, grass filled place with some of the grass ending up on his body. He has his eyes closed and his hands are behind his head as tears fall down his eyes. There is some generic warm shading done to the drawing. The drawing is set in Quadratum in some grassy area.]

[randomnumbers751650]

I'm finally playing Hutao's character story. I haven't been able to see her in any event, so it's my first contact with her. She's really...passionate, but the jokes of comparing her with Ai Hoshino just write themselves. She's her cosmic sister or something.

[kyliafanfiction]

Like, I love Xander. He’s one of my favorites on Buffy. Depending on how you count it, he is my favorite on Buffy (Cordy having half her development split over to AtS, kind of doesn’t count. Kind of. And the Amy Madison I love isn’t really the one that exists on screen).

And I’ll even read the occasional Xander!Harem fic, because despite the absurdity of it all, they can be fun. 

But so many of them rely on this... notion that like, Xander exudes some sort of dominance about him, or a fic will have him do something super manly or even just, save a person’s life and immediately the girl is creaming her panties for him or something.

Like, yes, it’s a smut fic, and yeah, it’s a harem fic, and I’m not saying Xander couldn’t be dominant in the bedroom, especially if that’s what his partner(s) wanted. 

But just...

It is always so laughworthy when they write him as some, natural Alpha Male Super Dom or whatever. 

Like, at least when a fanfic gives Xander some kind of super power that allows him to do that, or reveal that he has Incubus heritage (something more than one fic has done) or whatever, there’s an excuse to do that.

But when it’s just... normal Xander? Like, I’ll be the first to say even as normal Xander, he has positive character traits recommending him, quite a few (though I can’t speak to his attractiveness or lackthereof), but he’s never gonna give off like, Alpha Male™ vibes that just make every woman submit or want him desperately. Even in a smutty harem fic, that just...

I dunno. :shrug:

[ebbarights]

currently reading what stephen king himself says is his worst novel (the tommyknockers) and i still have goosebumps and am sooo invested in his twentieth fucking alcoholism storyline i am just such a slut for mr king

[crowtits]

song in question

i've died on smaller hills, so i can't judge. but i do think it's funny whenever posts about the proper definition of a poor little meow meow circulate, considering none of them mention that the origin was a kpop fan's absolutely bonkers tweet about not being able to protect a full grown man who was getting backlash for including audio from the jonestown cult leader jim jones in one of his songs

[assholeoutlaws]

i just think clowning can be fun and harmless yall stay safe though

[twilight-owl]

Sometimes playing games with other people is genuinely baffling for me.

Last night in FFXIV I said use the healer lb in the chat. Half our team was down, Athena was nearly dead, like screw it, let's just rez everybody and not do this fight again when we're so close.

(To clarify however, the dps lb still wouldn't have killed her, we were down to the 4th or 5th of health or so.)

One healer was my SO who I was playing with in the same room. He thought my suggestion was fine. Half the team was down, at least at the point I'd suggested it. And he used the lb.

The other healer jumps in the chat is like, "We were fine."

Sure, maybe we would have been fine either way but we didn't have any other dps that could rez and again, I didn't want to have the redo the entire fight, better safe than sorry imo.

But like.... I'm baffled by this response? Even if you were like meh, we would have been fine and shrugged it off I'd get it. But instead, they took the time to type that comment out.

Were they offended? If so, then why???????

I play healer a lot nowadays (er, not right, right, now because of leveling jobs up to 100, but you get what I mean.) I wouldn't be insulted in that situation if someone suggested the lb even if I could have gotten them all up because it's a heck of a lot faster to just use the lb.

(I would have been way more insulted if I'd been playing red mage, honestly! lol)

And if they took offense at not having a DPS use it, then.... well, we were going to do a lot more damage while everybody was up then while the healers were slowly rezzing everyone :/

I dunno man. People are weird. I get not agreeing, I grumble at other people at lot, but I just don't usually do it in chat. As long as we succeed then there's not point in being a jerk because *insert thing here* personally irks me, you know?

[trustrage]

gonna ramble about my muse and people's perceptions of him, namely concerning the nsfw side.

I really don't see him as all that sexually active or promiscuous. I also don't see him as really kinky. Over the the last year or so, I've noticed some people tend to think of him as this very sexually aggressive, very dominant person and I don't agree with that.

I think if he were to take on that role, it'd be just that; a role. At the very most I think it'd be something he might feel he has to live up to if that makes sense, considering the hyper masculine culture he was raised in.

I also tend to think he might lean more on the submissive side but it'd take a lot of getting close to someone and letting his walls down for that to happen, even just sex in general is a very intimate thing for him and I don't see him sharing that with just anyone.

I don't think that person would have to be 'the one' or love of his life, but I do think they'd have to be someone he trusts very much.

[apocketfullofmuses]

(( I decided to rewatch all the Twi/light movies, and I'm done now but like, I know people (sometimes rightly) shit on them and the books, but I really miss the feels I had back then. ))

[greenlanterns-light]

mello wears a cross a lot so I am Curious on his stance on religion and what religion he connects to if any……I’m not religious myself but it’s just very neat thinking of him believing in a god considering you’d think he wouldn’t based on how he is (until he realizes shinigami are real and kira kills with what’s basically a god of deaths diary but like. I mean before he finds this out). He was literally raised to be the potential successor for the worlds greatest detective it’s instinct for him to question everything and dig deeper into things and because of that I think him being religious and the topic of religion regarding him is incredibly fascinating