#Visual Novel: Apartment Dinner Show

[aestheticallypleasinganimeboys]

Lu Hayashi - Visual Novel: Apartment Dinner Show

[roo-bastmoon]

Remembering Nana today...

Interestingly enough, it was my 93-year-old grandmother who sort of led me to BTS. Today is the second anniversary of her passing, and my rambles about that are under the cut.

So, just to give you a visual: my Nana was a lot like Rose from the Golden Girls but, like, not in any way a ditz. She was a very practical Capricorn, but she looked and spoke a lot like Betty White from that show.

Nana practically raised me. I spent literally every weekend with her, from the day I was born until my parents divorced and we moved away when I was 13. Every Friday, my folks would drop me off at her apartment, and she'd make me homemade mac and cheese for dinner and vanilla ice cream for dessert (I did NOT like to try new things). Then we'd watch Full House, Perfect Strangers, Golden Girls, and Empty Nest on TGIF. After that, it would be bath time and bed.

Fun side note: I was an extremely independent and stubborn only child. So I always insisted on bathing myself. Not wanting me to drown on her watch, Nana would sit in the bathroom with me and read me poetry while I played with my Tub Town toys. But the poetry would always be the most macabre stuff--like The Spider and the Fly, or The Wreck of the Hesperus. I am not saying I was scarred for life by this, but I'm also not saying I'm normal, either.

Anyway, those were our Friday nights. On Saturdays we'd get up at the crack of dawn to go flea marketing with her two younger sisters. She would give me $1 to spend on my "trashy treasures" -- but it was the 80s, so I could make it stretch. After that, we'd all go to a buffet lunch. Then she'd take me in the afternoons to the local library, where I would pick my books for the week.

Another side note: My parents were not big on buying toys, but I could have any books I wanted. As a young kid, I used to take a flashlight and hide in the bathtub at night so I could read past bedtime. I figured I was being super sneaky because they couldn't see the light coming from that room. But we lived in a tiny house with only one bathroom, so of COURSE they knew. Mom told me years later that they thought it was funny I was being rebellious by secretly reading YA novels in the bathroom when I was in elementary school. Nana, of course, let me stay up as late as I wanted to read. I digress.

As the years passed, even when I went out of state and the country for school, or moved across America to take jobs, Nana and I emailed every day, called once a week, kept in constant touch. When I moved back to my home state 13 years ago, I sort of became her caregiver and weekend companion.

This time it was my turn on the weekends to make her food, take her shopping, drive her around, get her books from the bookmobile. She raised me, and then for 10 years, I took care of her.

I loved my Nana. She was funny and soft-hearted and well read, but she grew up *dirt poor* and never got to see the world except through books and the TV, so she was always very humble and a bit shy. She loved me so much--she was the only person in the world who would listen to me drivel on about anything, and still be interested.

At 93-years-old, she died of a sudden heart attack on August 30, 2021. Emergency personnel were with her in her apartment, so she wasn't alone or in pain very long, but I couldn't get to her fast enough to say goodbye. Mom and I identified her later, at the hospital.

I am grateful she had a long life, and didn't suffer, and wasn't alone. But my family is very, very small. Just Nana and Mom and me. And after the whirlwind of taking care of her funeral and packing up her apartment and donating everything, suddenly there was just all this free time--these empty hours I usually filled taking care of Nana.

I just was so lost.

I started trying to read, or quilt, or watch movies. I got into some K dramas for a bit. Nothing really interested me. Then I started watching dance compilations on YouTube before bed.

And one snowy December night, I found a Steezy video where Brian Puspos was reviewing Jimin's dance style. I had no idea what it was. It was like this weird impulse--as if someone moved my finger to hover over and click that video...

You cannot imagine how every nerve-ending woke up. My brain suddenly came online. (I was a semi-pro ballet dancer as a kid, and I knew the absolute second I saw Jimin that he was a master who trained relentlessly--nobody had to point it out to me.)

For the first time in months, I FELT something other than grief.

I watched every single video of him I could. I had no idea who BTS were, didn't know anything about Kpop. But eventually I found more videos, I listened to their songs, and later I discovered Jikook, and I made online accounts and I watched RUN episodes, and I got to go see Yoongi as my first-ever concert, and now I'm making my way through In the Soop and Bon Voyage.

In fact, pretty much every day since I discovered Jimin, I've been thinking about, learning about, and trying to support Jimin and the people Jimin loves.

Jimin and BTS got me through the grief at losing the person I loved most in the world. They saw me through uterine cancer, and the surgeries, and mourning the fact that I can never be a bio mom now. They got me through the medical tests and the chronic fatigue and pain I've had for the last 4 months.

I really love our boys. I may not understand or love everything about them or their company or their industry, but loving someone doesn't mean thinking of them as demi-gods; it means being loyal even as they grow past any flaws.

To be honest, I feel like I owe Jimin my life, in a way. I was in a really, really dark place a year and a half ago. Jimin was the only joy, the only reason to keep going (besides my mom and kitties, of course).

Now I own every digital release BTS has put out--the whole discography, even the skits. I try to vote on all the apps whenever I can, and stream on premium family bundle accounts for Spotify, YouTube, and Pandora; I also do free trials for Tidal and Qobuz. II've never done any of this stuff before, never been a fan of any musicians, but I really, truly do try to return the favor.

It's a bit hyperbolic to say they "saved me" because lots of people cope with grief and illness and loneliness and it doesn't mean they just throw in the towel.

But BTS helped me stop surviving, and made me want to really live.

Plus, even when I'm too sick to go out or call up my friends, I can always get on my phone and come here, to chat with my fandom friends. I don't know most of their real names or faces or anything about their real lives, but we all love BTS; we all talk about and work together for BTS.

Nana would have loved that. (She also would have let me talk her ear off every day about Jimin and Jikook and the Tannies because that was her love language.)

Is BTS a replacement for real, genuine human interaction? No. Of course not. It is, at the end of the day, a band. Not a life.

But it also feels like getting to know 7 people I'd be honored to be friends with, if we ever met. People I want to support so they can achieve all their dreams--because they always pay it forward, too.

I sometimes wonder if Nana guided my hand to click on that video that day. Maybe she was looking down at me and thought "Ah, this will be good for her. This will be healing."

Probably not, but still, I'd like to think that. I'd like to think it was Nana who led me to the Magic Shop.

I miss her. I love her. I still can hear her voice in my head every day.

But I'm gonna be okay. (The future's gonna be okay.)

There's still so much to look forward to and work to be done. Fighting!

[fallloverfic]

Solo Leveling Episode 11 Thoughts

This episode had me screaming in joy! Spoilery thoughts for the anime, novel, and manhwa below:

The job-change portal opening effects were so pretty. Did not expect it to be that neat! Also still love that it's purple (that's a manhwa thing). It's a nice little hint of what's to come >:3

Sung Jinwoo's fights were also really amazing! Just the movements all looked gorgeous. They were fun to watch! Him ripping apart the knight with his hands was amazing. Also really loved the animation on the archer.

And we finally get character art of Yoo Jinsung! Yoo Jinho's shitty older brother at last. He shows up a little in the novel, but doesn't appear at all in the manhwa (other than in reference), so it's neat to see him. Poor Jinho at this terrible meal with people who are awful to him. Jinho looks so sad seeing his brother, with how much is on the line and how awful their relationship is and how their father pushes them to do well. This is really a miserable time for him. I like the extra anime expansion here. It's fun to see more to these characters. I'm wondering if they're moving up a novel-only event (Jinho goes to a dinner party later, where Jinsung also shows up), or if they'll have both? It'll be interesting to see, anyway, particularly given if this is replacing that, it's removing one character who does show up in the manhwa, which is odd, given the anime's tendency to expand on characters.

It'll be cool if we meet Hunters outside Europe, North America, and central/east Asia. So Jinsung's useful for something, anyway.

Yoo Myunghan just watching his older son being a dick to his younger son and doing nothing about it. Great father, there. /end sarcasm

It's fun to see Jinwoo thinking about the pitfalls of his choices in stat placement and what this or that stat might do. Yeah, intelligence might be important <.< For someday <.<

I really love that we get to actually see the investigation for Jeju. They only talk about it afterward in the novel and the manhwa. Also always appreciate more Choi Jongin time XD And we get to see the team early (hey Son Kihoon)! And the women in all their still shitty manhwa outfits :D Like just... why with Gina and Lee Bora's outfits (mostly Gina, Bora is... whatever)? And is there a reason y'all can spend bank on Igris and aren't able to properly draw boobs in shirts (or give Gina actual pants)? (That was rhetorical, I know why.)

I do love the reminder that Jinwoo is still wearing a literal dog collar. We just can't see it cause it's invisible. Bless. Truly, bless. If only any of his husbands knew

Igris' introduction is just -chef's kiss-. The train of his helmet, the slow sweep. His armor is gorgeous. He looks amazing.

The fight is incredible. Words don't do it justice. The sound design, the sudden dash forward, the slow-mo, the destruction after attacks emphasizing just how strong Igris is and what kind of hits Jinwoo is taking/avoiding... It's visually gorgeous. Just the way Igris moves or even stands is beautiful.

The anime kind of switches between very clean and shiny and close-ups that are kind of gritty (not sure how to better explain it), and I like to think it's a nod to Dubu's art (this is volume 3, chapter 8 in the Ize Press release). Igris in the manhwa has that kind of gritty visual look to him.

I think it's just the difference of close-ups and farther away shots, because overall the anime just did this really lovely blend of the manhwa's style and its own thing that just looks truly incredible.

And we get another anime-only scene with Go Gunhee and Woo Jinchul, and some chat with Choi Jongin!

The colors in these outside shots are just really pretty. Choi Jongin looks lovely.

Jeju never ended for Choi Jongin, poor man T-T Love all this extra anime angst, bless.

Meanwhile, the fight with Igris and Jinwoo continues to be amazing. The sound design, the art, just ahhh. It's so good. Love the emphasis on Igris' legs and hips. He leggy boi.

Igris ripping out part of the floor to throw at Jinwoo is my everything. I just love when characters do that lol

For all my criticisms of Dubu's art (and I don't hate his art, he drew wonderfully, he just wasn't perfect), I prefer how Jinwoo sitting on the throne here looked in the manhwa. I think the anime makes it more understandable for why Jinwoo didn't break the armrests/his legs when falling onto the throne, because the chair is wider, and given who was supposed to sit in the chair, it makes sense it's bigger, but still.

(I flipped the anime shot horizontally for better comparison). (Though thinking about it, it's funny to imagine this again as a parallel universe with one Jinwoo leaning to his right, and the other one to the left... so Igris can sit between them aldkjlajda)

Igris just looks so good. I could take a bajillion shots of him standing.

I also love his belt. Just admiring all the little details on him in this art style. He looks amazing.

It's interesting we get these moments with Sung Jinah and Park Kyunghye (Jinwoo and Jinah's mother). Another anime addition, which isn't bad! It highlights just how much Jinwoo has on the line, and that people are waiting for him. Also still love how much Jinah loves her brother T-T She made him dinner!

The music for the attempted beheading is so nice. The soundtrack for this series is incredible, and it's used really well. I love how soft it is initially, and then how it explodes with Jinwoo fighting back (I could barely hear it first watch initially, and that was almost neater, effect-wise, but listening with the volume up, it's also just a lovely track).

There's something really compelling about Jinwoo shoving Igris across the floor, making the metal of Igris' armor heel scrape over the ground. Top/bottom discourse in action aldkjalj

The rest of the fight was also really amazing! The way the style changed during the kill shot is always really fun :3 It works wonderfully here. Igris defeated!

And now... the trial of stamina. While the time for his daily quest ticks down. XD And again, Jinwoo thinking about using something rather than just doing it lets someone knock the teleportation stone out of his hand. >.< Ah well.

This episode was amazing. Just phenomenal overall. Loved it. We finally have Igris, best boi XD So happy.

Looking forward to the resolution of this and the season next week!

More episode thoughts:

S01E05

S01E06

S01E07

S01E08

S01E09

S01E10

S01E11 (you are here)

S01E12

[cryptidplays]

Y'know, since it's 🎃spooky month...💀

I want to share with you all some horror games/visual novels that I greatly enjoy.

(Recommendations under the cut. This will be Part 1 of my recommendations)

Emerald Wasp is a very interesting game. The story takes place in the 1980s and revolves around two men who get trapped in a supposedly abandoned bunker. They discover the horrible truth of what went on there after it was no longer used by the military, and they have a run-in with a former soldier who was thought to be dead after a military operation in the 1960s (I think?) ended in the disappearance of everyone in his squad.

Anyways, my description can't really do this game justice. But I wanted to recommend it for the spooky month. There is a lot of disturbing imagery, so take the time to read the content warnings if you do decide to play it. I highly recommend that you be 18+ to play because of this imagery.

The only thing that I found difficult with this game was the walk controls, which are a little fidgety sometimes (and there is a mechanic where you have to manually use a lighter in your inventory to see sometimes, but things like that are common in RPG maker games, so I didn't find it bothersome.)

Fatal Focus (by the ever awesome Catsket!)

is a psychological horror visual novel (with an emphasis on the psychological aspect) where you move to a small town and you have a hobby in photography. One day you look up some photography events that might be happening in the near future and end up noticing that there will be a photography walk on that day. When you go to the meeting place, you end up being the only person that shows up besides the walk's host: Adonis, who shows you a side of the town (and yourself) that is more disturbing than you might expect.

This is yet another fairly disturbing game, although it is more in the descriptions than in the imagery. There are descriptions of rot, maggots and even cannibalism, but the atmosphere of this game is immensely creepy and beautiful. It's perfect for a late-night spooky story session.

If you like yanderes and spooky atmospheres, then I recommend A Date With Denial

It's another visual novel, and this time you awaken in a restaurant across from a charming, yet oddly terrifying man who calls you his "muse" and claims you accepted a dinner date with him. But you can't remember anything. Depending on the choices you make, you can get one of three endings and even discover how you ended up where you are. Although, the strange man who calls you his muse continues to remain a mystery. (Hey, at least he's cute and shows off some nice cleavage... that makes up for it, right?)

This visual novel is a prequel/spinoff to Batter-Sempai's other visual novels: Be My Muse and Let Me Remind You(this one doesn't have a demo yet). All of which feature the handsome Zecharias Mnemosyne as the yandere love interest.

While I've only played A Date With Denial so far, I really adore Zecharias and I found the concept behind him and these stories to be a lot of fun.

My Ange is still a demo at the moment.

It is another yandere horror visual novel, in which you have lost your job and moved to another city to get away from everything for a while. Unfortunately, your new apartment comes with its own troubles. It's rundown and the previous tenant had seemingly run away, if you are to believe what you've been told. There may also be something very wrong with your neighbor. He seems nice enough, but there's something off about him.

I just really liked the idea behind this one. The feeling of isolation is so good, and Noah is fucking adorable even if he is creepy. I love character designs that include too-large and very dark eyes, especially with the creepy little smile Noah gives. Plus, depending on your choices you can get one of three endings... and all of them really will leave you with a sense of dread. This VN has a lot of potential, so I'll be keeping an eye on it.

Domestic Dread is also a yandere visual novel demo.

It is another VN that centers around having lost some of your memories. Except, this time, it is due to an accident you seem you have gotten into the night prior. Your best friend, Marcelo, claims that your boyfriend had nearly killed you and he must pay for it.

The manipulation in this one is very well done. Marcelo is charming, and handsome, and you can't fully remember him or your boyfriend... so it's very difficult for you to make sound decisions.

This is also another VN with multiple endings, and at least one of them is pretty damn gruesome. I recommend reading the content warnings. But this was created by the amazing Epykslion and their partner Leo, who make an excellent team. Leo's art is gorgeous, and Lion has wonderful knowledge of the yandere genre. So if you love yanderes and are 18+ (for the disturbing/violent imagery), then you're in for a good time.

Anyhow, that is Part One of my spooky/horror games recommendations for October. I will mostly try to recommend indie games, although I may let nostalgia take over and pop in a couple of old PS1/PS2 games in there, too.

[osakesstuff]

The First Time Having Sex with Baxter (step4)

our life: beginnings & always

Tags:Baxter Ward/Reader; Step 4 (Our Life: Beginnings & Always); Vaginal Sex; Vaginal Fingering; French Kissing; Sex in a Car; First Time; Car Sex

Fandom:Our Life: Beginnings & Always (Visual Novel)

【Summary:

"Let's have car sex." You looked at him and said it, word by word.

"..." He made a rare non-response, which would normally seem very unseemly and impolite to him.

Even though it was very dark, you were sure you're catching a little shiver in his breath.

Ten seconds later, he nodded 'Yes'.】

Although it took him very five years to walk from the other end of the stream to your end along the broken tree trunk, it would only take two weeks for him to reunite with you from the far two sides of California.

That's right. Baxter Ward--your boyfriend finally came to you on his vacation.

He purposely didn't tell you the exact time of his arrival, 'as a surprise', he said. Though somehow you knew which was also some of his occupational habit, to always wait for whatever was coming with grace and ease, instead of showing obvious nervousness about anything, whether good or bad.

It was Friday. You've been busy all day in the marine protection enterprise which you co-owned with Cove. So even if you knew Baxter was coming today, it's still a nice surprise to come downstairs and see him leaning against his car door.

Deliberately dyed black hair, the white and black, decent without the wrinkles of the suit, fair skin in the sunset showing a little pink. It's him!

You rushed toward him, and he turned his head at the sound of footsteps, naturally opening his arms to hold you tight.

"It's nice to see you at work."Baxter combed a stray strand of your hair with his hand,"Your tired look is also very attractive." His natural, pleasant-sounding, sincere praise, which you adored very much.

After Baxter saying hello to Cove, you set up the GPS, drove his car, and headed back to your apartment. In fact, you've only just moved back, from where you used to share a flat with Cove, to another floor in the same neighborhood, as this many years of you living in another same neighborhood, the Sunset Bird.

So while entering your apartment, he was in front of your suitcases and closets all opening their big mouths,looking a little helpless and funny. Just like the same day you were attending Jude and Scott's wedding, except this time it's not the morning but the evening, and your clothes were completely on.

"I've made up my mind," you explained apologetically, "I've booked a hotel room for you today, so you can have a good rest. And if you don't mind, you can stay at my flat tomorrow."

"Thanks for your thoughtful arrangement." He said with a smile. His brown eyes glittering like waves in the orange sunset through the French windows.

"Do you need rest now? Or are you hungry? I can drive you wherever you go." You changed into your slippers and wanna quickly wash your face. Meanwhile, making eye contact with the cow-print slippers you prepared for him. Still black and white.

With a smile in his eyes, he picked up his slippers and studied them carefully for a moment. "Still, thank you for your very nice consideration."

You two decided to drive to the seaside hotel you have already booked. After a very nice dinner and refreshing shower, you pulled up to a slightly remote coastal road and started walking along the coast.

Your boyfriend was still wearing his shoes, and you were holding his hand with one hand and your strappy sandals with the other. Your skirt rose and fell with the sea wind, forming a gentle barrier of dark blue under the night, between him and the sea.

Baxter talked about what he had done in the two weeks before he came to see you, what interesting things he had seen on the drive, and you talked about what you had done in the office today, what delicious food would you like to try with him in the next few days. And everything else.

Finally, you raised your hand to do a watch action, a pretend-to-have-a-watch game.

"Wow, it's late." you said, pretending to be surprised.

"How time flies." he replied and chuckled, pretending to be surprised too.

"So, do you have any ideas?" you affectionately squeezed his hand, a deliberate hint.

"What about you, my dear?" He asked you back, but at the same time he was already pulling you back towards where your car was parked.

"Are you tired now? Just for sure." When you finally got to the car, you asked again.

"No, I've eaten and showered and walked with you, now I'm in My Best Night Mode." He smiled, his fair skin obvious in the dark air, with a typical cheshire cat smile.

"I've got some champagne for you," you whispered close to him.

"I guess you have some bold ideas. Please tell me." He began to be curious.

"You guess." You raised one eyebrow, the smile was more obvious.

"A drink, a dance hall, and a king size bed?" He watched you putting on your shoes and meanwhile beginning his brainstorm. But the options were so few that even as a "professional party planner", his speculation was limited.

"Let me ask you one more question. What level of shame can you do?" You finally began to throw out the answer.

"That's an odd question," he said, the cheshire cat's smile fading as he smoothed the nonexistent crease in his jacket collar, "well, that depends."

You put out your hand and made a sign for entering the car, as if he was a gentlelady and you were a gentleman.

Somewhat surprised, he cleared his throat, nodded, and took the passenger seat.

Ten minutes later, you drove to one place.

It was the deeper reaches of the coast, the boundary between the coast and the forest. The trees that should have been dark green by day were a little dark blue at the moment, but the coastline that was barely visible was a little bright blue against the sky. A great many stars twinkled overhead, but at eye level it was almost pitch black.

"I'm a little confused, I have to admit. Are we in the location of a horror movie or a romance movie?" He joked, but it was clear he didn't know what you were up to.

"Let's,have,car sex." You looked at him and said it, word by word.

"..." He made a rare non-response, which would normally seem very unseemly and impolite to him.

Even though it was very dark, you were sure you're catching a little shiver in his breath.

Ten seconds later, he nodded.

By the time Baxter finally began to regain his composure, you two were already in the back seat. You're watching him unbutton his suit jacket one by one. He unlocked a few, when looking up at you, smiled, and you had to admit it's actually a exquisite picture.

And you're wearing a beach dress, so you could watch him take off his suit, then took a few seconds to unzip your skirt and slided it into the driver's seat. And he, of course, carefully hung his jacket from the front window with a jacket hanger that had come out of nowhere to prevent wrinkles.

Now he was face to face with you in the backseat of the car, half-naked. He was unusually hesitant. He was at a loss to stroke the folds of his nonexistent shirt.

"So, here we are." He said.

"Would you like some champagne?" You asked, half thoughtfully and half mischievously.

You saw him as he was five years ago, frowning over the ice cream truck, thinking, the kind of long-lost contemplation.

"That's a life saver." he paused, his long-lost sincerity exaggerated by gratitude.

You picked up the champagne that had been prepared, poured a glass and handed it to him. The bottle was still cold, and the mist slid down it.

After pouring, you quickly tossed the bottle to the front seat. He looked up and drinked with a smile on his face as he watchesd you.

And as soon as he did so, you kissed the standard-Baxter-mole on his neck. You felt his Adam's apple paused as he rolled down the champagne.

Gave him a little peck on the mole, and then you stopped and watched as he gracefully emptied the champagne--not a small one--and putted the empty glass in the front seat.

When he finally started kissing you on your lower lips, it's not nearly as slow as when he putted his glass down. First a touch with a faint smell of champagne, then a nibble, then a suck.

At the same time your bra became redundant to him, you kissed and held his back, his hand had begun to touch your bra buckle. The truth was, you didn't normally wear a bra, but for fun or practical mischief, it's a rare occasion.

Baxter wouldn't lose his mind over a glass of champagne, you knew his self-discipline and control. His movements were entirely for other reasons -- you knew it very well.

Baxter confirmed your permission before proceeding with unbuttoning. After untying it, he said politely somehow you didn't know his object of praise, "That's just, flawless." though the polite words were out of place at the moment.

Few minutes later, your thighs were already in his laps, and your back was between you and the car door, against the pillow on his car(thanks for that). He methodically (you wondered if he rehearsed it in his head) kissed your lips, neck, collarbone, and breasts, while one hand caressed your thigh.

"You have nice legs," he said out of the blue, well, not so out of the blue, because he said that about you at the club ten years ago, still less today, you're NAKED now.

The man in front of you had almost regained his former grace and order. This was certainly not what you want to see right now.

So you grabbed his length and started stroking and sliding without rhythm. His breathing was finally getting more labored.

"Miss, I didn' t know you are wild like this." He said,with somewhat embarrassed and flustered.

You smirked a little wickedly, and suddenly gained strength, but after a few seconds you let go. You wanna see his eagerness.

He lived up to your expectations.

Next thing you knew, you're lying on the backseat of the car, your head resting on his cushions and pillows, his fingers on your clitoris and your nipples.

He then copied your action--he jerked to a halt.

That sparked a dissatisfied mutter of you, and he smiled triumphantly, as if cheshire cat had lifted his tail and rubbed it lovingly around you.

Then he blocked your breath with kisses and continued his action on your clitoris. His fingers slowly slided into your vagina as he heard the rising liquid noise. You could't help groaning a little. After a while, he putted in another finger, and then another, and you feel yourself filled with soreness and pleasure.

Then his fingers began to bend in the direction of your belly, at different angles and with different forces. And before long, he found your point.

He took his time pressing his fingers deep and shallow against it, while carefully watching your reaction, you could not help but straighten the waist each time. But you could feel the heat and love in his gaze. You could also hear him swallowing and breathing as you were being touched.

But instead of just letting him caress you gasping for breath, you 'stroke back'. You also deepened your kiss with him, and you held his length again with more force, though you were kind of unable to exert strength. Finally, you heared the liquid sound Baxter's body made.

That's when you whispered in his ear, using your sexiest tone (you must admit that you had practiced a few times for this moment, for his reaction) , "Baxter, FUCK me."

As you wish, he froze.

Or more, he only froze for 0.1 seconds, at the same time his breathing became loud, you did not know where the original condom was quickly putted on him.

The next second, inside your body was full of him. You couldn't help making a gasp with slight pain, he seemed to have just woken up and kissed you on the forehead apologetically. "May I go on? I can stop whenever you need, you know."

You got used to his coming in for a while, and then you let out a movie villain laugh, "I did THAT on purpose."

He was a little surprised, even though your bodies were still in very close contact, he stopped and asked, "Which part, if you mind?"

"The fuck me part." You're smiling again, this time smug and satisfied.

"Wow, that's absolutely impressive." He admired from the bottom of his heart, and then he went on his motion.

His movements gradually increaseed in strength, your upper bodies and lips pressed together, you were surrounded by his cologne, the sweat and breathing of both of you. The empty but ultimate pleasure in your mind and the smell made it harder to breathe, whether for the purpose of a prank of 'fight back' or thoughtfulness of your boyfriend, you heard the side-door window roll down as the sunroof was opened.

The brackish sea breeze rushed into the small space where you and Baxter were, washing away some of the white haze in your brain. Your breathing and his became clear.

In the gently rushing sea breeze, the twinkle of the stars fell through the sunroof. His eyes gazed at you with warmth and affection in the movement and amplitude. This physical closeness and the embrace and caress of the sea breeze made you feel as if you two were on a boat. Under your body in the waves was your hometown where you have lived for more than ten years. All the seas were like your hometown.

After a few orgasms, your hugs gradually became more intimate and tender from the initial irrepressible intensity. The rhythm of your bodies was more like an aftertaste, because neither of you wanted to leave the other. So you just held each other in silence, and the body movements and whispers in each other's ears made the night quieter and gentler.

This is the beach, the same but different from the other beach you're used to and love, Sunset Bird. The same thing is that your favorite friends are still with you; the different thing is that this is another beach right now, with strange stars overhead, strange forests and waves looking up, right now, in front of only him, you lost and find again in five years your friend, your boyfriend, who will also be your life-long love and partner.

Your boyfriend, Baxter Ward, his brown eyes flickering into you, his arms holding you, his scents embracing you, and though you're pretty sure there's no bonfires burning around you, maybe the stars flicker? The fire of stars was right reflected in his eyes.

[ronniethemoonandsun]

Love Unholyc Walkthrough

Season 3 | Destiny.

William Route

Day 11

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0:32

Silent night

Visual Novel: Eater, William

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I have no intention of letting Liam go either. +William

I´m sorry I can´t embrace you sadness. +Eater

|

(But I havce to be cool-headed at times like these.) +William

(I should speak nicely so Eater doesn´t get hurt...) +Eater

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That I can´t believe everything in this situation.

That Liam and I are finally... In that... Relationship. +William

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You´re not just going to go, are you? +William

I don´t want to sleep alone tonight.

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07:00

I can´t understand

Visual Novel: William

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Is it perhaps because you want to spend more time with me? +William

No way, Liam. Did you fail to sleep all night and came to wake me up at this time?

|

(Thank William.)

(Tell William off.) +William

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Hi! Are you with Leo and Sol? +William

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It´s a relief you all don´t look different from usual!

How are you all? +William

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Nothing happened. Nothing. At. All

It´s just... Apart from feeling a bit disturbed, nothing happened. +William

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I´m the one that´s anxious...!

Anxious, about what? +William

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Okay, I will. Thank you guys! +William

Liam has three new friends that think about him like this...!

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08:52

A poor man

Chat room: Jung Hi, Sol, Leo

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11:28

Visit VS Interruption

Chat room: Jung Hi, William, Leo, Sol

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13:44

Dirty room

Visual novel: William

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I was thinking about Liam.

Because William is more good looking than usual today. +William

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You couldn´t because you were up all night worrying about me?

Did you think of something scary at night? +William

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Crying in front of the door?

Finding a way to save me?

Housework? +William

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14:26

Why did she do that?

Chat room: William

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No, I´m just thinking.

It´s something Liam doesn´t need to know about. +William

What was Liam doing.

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How did you know?! +William

Don´t you dare try to read my mind.

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Maybe she didn´t want to miss him again.

Maybe she wanted to show him pretty self? +William

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Dinner already?! +William

Uhm... Roasted fish!

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16:39

Belated realization

Visual Novel: William

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I was thirsty.

...I think I´m a bit nervous. +William

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We both like each other. +William

We´re both Unholycs.

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(Run to William and apologize.) (any option is fine)

(Send a message to William.) (any option is fine)

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18:40

The man named William

Visual Novel: William

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I think there´s too much and I should organize...! +William

No... Nothing...!!

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18:43

What was that just now?!

Chat room: William

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What was that just now?!?! +William

No! Liam can go first!

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No way! +William

Uhm... A little?

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There was so much dust in my room, and it went into my eyes. +William

...How did you know that I cried?

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I do have something to say... (any option is fine)

You call this enough?! (any option is fine)

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My heart isn´t ready...!! (any option is fine)

I´m planning to say that tomorrow! (any option is fine)

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Okay, I promise. +William

You never know what happens.

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20:11

I´m here, my dear

Visual Novel: Eater

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You should have told me if you´re here...! +Eater

How did you come here? +William

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I´m sorry, Eater. Please go back now. +William

Eater, I think this is different from what we promised. +Eater

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What are you talking about? I´m not going anywhere! +William

Where´s the house for the two of us? +Eater

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No, I know. +William

I´m sorry, for not knowing. +Eater

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22:23

The smell of respiration

Visual Novel: William

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Yeah, he came to see me. +William

Nothing happened!!

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Why, why are you smelling my hair? +William

I-it tickles...! Stop it...!

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(Nod.) +William

(Resist.)

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S-stop...!! (any option is fine)

W-wait...!! (any option is fine)

[zv5x]

Hey guys! An anon requested some Yandere ABC'S with Sen, but I had to reupload cause the formatting was wrong!!! I hope it works this time, and I hope you find it anon! Let me know if you did!

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Original text ...

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Hey Anon! Don't worry, requests are open permanently! So feel free to request as much as you want! I'm so glad you enjoy my writings, that makes me feel so happy! I hope you enjoy the ABC's prompt and I hope I did a good job! (*´ω｀*) Stay safe and take care of yourself, you're valid and loved! ( :̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get? - Sen is a major giftgiver. So, expect him to really paint his love for you with lavish spending. Also, along with that, he's a hopeless romantic. So be sure to expect love letters and love notes to be littered around your apartment (whether or not he had permission to be where he placed them...that's up for debate). You met Senpai when you stumbled across his game, and were there to play it before you discovered a way to get him out. So, he was just as affectionate as your average visual novel character. Meaning, he's basically infinitely affectionate. He's very gentlemenly as well: kissing the top of your hand and brushing his lips against the tips of your fingers, helping you get ready each morning (he has to, considering you're literally restrained and rendered unable to do so), and other things. Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling? - I always imagined Sen to be more of a yandere "stereotype" considering his source (a cheesy Japanese romance game with pretty pastel colors and overly sweet and cheesy dialogue). So, Senpai would in that case be willing to make his murders messy. Their lives don't matter to Senpai, and he'll gladly paint a pretty picture of romance with their blood. He'd do anything to emphasize the fact that you belong to him and him alone. Not to those filthy, impure worms. Cruelty: How would they treat their darling when they're abducted? Would they mock them? - Senpai has a bit of an ego problem. So, if he feels it necessary, he'll gladly make you feel inferior to him. "Out of the hundreds of people in the school, you're the one that I long for so strongly. Shouldn't you be greatful for that? I'm sure there's people willing to eat themselves alive just to be in your place." Among other similar statements. Senpai isn't physically cruel unless giving out punishments for "bad behavior", so that's something to be greatful about I suppose. Even with the taunts and reprimands he speaks to you, he doesn't really mean them. Especially the ones about you being inferior in any regard. You're the definition of perfection in his eyes, to the extent he doesn't even really see himself being worthy of your love. But, nobody else is either. While he's not 100% worthy of an angel like you being by his side, he's more worthy than the people that surround the two of you. Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will? - Just like Spirit, the only other things he'd do against your will is take away your rights to freedom, family, friends, along with some other similar things. He doesn't want to traumatize you, and as much as his actions contradict the idea that he's far from a monster, he's truly not. He just wants what's best for your love. Is that really something that's worthy of him being called a monster? Senpai doesn't think so, not one bit. Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? - All of it. His heart is an open book. Senpai wants to woo you, he wants you to know how adored you truly are. He wants you to know how much space you take up in his heart, and he'll do anything to show that to you. Whether it be by taking you out to a nice dinner after you've been on your best behavior for a while, or by murdering past enemies or foes, Sen will do virtually anything Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back? - Completely and utterly heartbroken. How could you, (Y/N)? Here he is, your precious and beloved Senpai, just wanting to take care of you, and this is the thanks he get's? Senpai's little heart will be absolutely crushed, and he'll be sure

to let you know that, even while he's angerly punishing you. Being the main love interest is literally in his code, basically the A.I. equivalent to DNA. He's not used to not winning a person's heart the minute he expresses interest, especially the heart of someone he's putting all his effort into romantically seducing. Senpai will go ballistic after such a rejection, throwing the closest thing to a toddler's temper tantrum that you'll be able to see in an almost full grown adult. Screaming, stomping, crying tears of pure rage, Senpai will display all of it right for you to witness in absolute fear and horror. Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape? - Is this a game to Senpai? Well, yeah. But only considering he's literally a game character himself. He still sees this as the silly dating mechanics from his own game. Even if this is real life, and even if this is completely against your will. He's not used to anything else, so he'll continue living his life and gaining your love the way he's been built to. Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them? - You're not really in the position to cheat on him considering he's holding you in complete isolation, but if you were to cheat on him? Whoo boy. Sen would react in a similar way to Spirit would, only 100x worse. The psychotic laugh yanderes are so infamous for, the brutality, the murder, and then the confrontation of you. A cheater, a liar, a betrayer. You'll pay for what you've done to Senpai, you won't get away with thinking you could pull him around like a toy. He loves you, but now he sees no other option, you must die for what you've done to him. It won't be quick either. No, you're going to feel exactly what you made him feel the moment he found you cheating on him. It's only fair, after all. An eye for an eye. But don't worry, your body will be in good hands! Senpai will still take care of you, and he forgives you for what you've done! Now the two of you can be happy together once again! No more distractions this time! Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling? - The usual...marriage, honeymoon, perhaps some kids or pets (but only if you want them, of course!). Senpai is really up to any kind of future, as long as it's with you, his beloved Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope? - Senpai is EXTREMELY jealous. He's suspicious of basically everyone you come into contact with, and you're always having to deal with him wrapping his arms around you from behind and gently laying down some boundaries for whoever you're just trying to talk to. Expect a few statements like/similar to, "Hey, worm! They're mine!", considering Sen is always trying to show people just how much you belong to him Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling? - Like some kind of flawless prince, but you know damn well that it's just a facade. He tries very hard to keep his yan tendencies hidden from you, but his emotional instability makes him fail miserably at that. But, that doesn't take away from the fact that he's *usually* acting very cool and charismatic Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling? - The usual things you'd see from a hopeless romantic...love letters, cards, poems, hand kisses, dinner dates, and everything else lovey dovey that people do to show a certain person how much they love them. Being a dating game character, Senpai is VERY good at courting anyone he seems romantically compatible Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else? - His true colors are different from the way he tries to appear, but they come out so much that the people closest to him (specifically meaning you, and only you, as all of his other friends are just a.i. in the game that he once took residence in)) consider it apart of his actual personality Naughty: How would they punish their darling? - Probably just by breaking things around the two of them as he screams at them

for whatever they did to anger him. Senpai is very childish, especially when he's rejected, but he's still able to be calmed. You just need to know exactly what to say and when to say it. Which...is shockingly hard, considering how unpredictable Senpai can be Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? - Just like Spirit, he won't really take away any. But, he'll take away all of it if he feels as if he has to Patience: How patient are they with their darling? - Senpai's patience is quite literally in the lowest of negative numbers, so tread lightly, (Y/N). The slightest and smallest things can set Senpai into hour long rages Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on? - No. Not at all. Senpai would be absolutely devastated. He wouldn't be able to move on, you were his absolute everything. He can't imagine living a life without you, and he won't. Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go? - Regret? No! Absolutely not! Why should Senpai feel any regret? For loving his darling angel? No. That's nothing but foolish. There is no room for regret or shame in Senpai's heart, only love for you Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)? - Rejection is against Senpai's code. You weren't supposed to not want him romantically. Because of this, Senpai quite literally doesn't know how to react. So, he acts...insane? Obsessed? Call it what you want, but make sure its definition doesn't neglect his love for you. Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves? - Senpai would probably just get angrier. Why are you so upset?! Just love him, for fucks sake!! He just wants to take care of you, why won't you just let him? Stop being so difficult, let him take over, and things will be so much better for you! Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere? - Not really. Senpai is pretty much a walking stereotype, with a few small changes here and there. Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape? - His lovesickness, probably. Escaping Senpai would be hard to say the least, but not impossible. Just do the usual, try and act like a sufferer of Stockholm Syndrome and maybe you'll have a good chance at getting away from him Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling? - Without hesitation. If he needs to do it to get his point across, Sen would do it without hesitation. It's all for you, that fact alone removes any chance of hesitation or remorse Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over? - Senpai practically treats you like some overglorified love deity, the definition of a perfect partner. Perfect for him, at least. His entire heart is like an open book, but one that only you can read clearly. It's all for you, after all. Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap? - He's good up until he witnesses even the slightest sign of distance or rejection, then he snaps Zenith: Would they ever break their darling? - Like hurting you, he'd do it without any hesitation. It means nothing to him, unlike you. You mean everything, and he'd do everything and anything for you. This is basically nothing to him. He loves you, after all! More than anything else in his world.

[admiringlove]

I: like you do; joji.

❝ADMIRINGLOVE HITS 100 CUSTOMERS.❞ — a very special occasion organized with a cordial invitation to all of my followers to visit my café once again to check out the special menu in celebration for hitting 100 followers.

+pairing: akaashi keiji x reader.

+genre: angst, sadness, you know the deal.

+word count: 1.7k.

+usual customers(taglist): @babyworld @renee1414 @anotherhydrangea @seita @tobiosnoelle @weebslxt @tsukkiwaifu16 @loveusandoor @kozumebri @sarawrz @crackheadsara @kyuudere @cultsax @supernovaa-a @akaashikeijisan @b3llo-there @sugasloverr @kagebunshiin @iwaizoom​ @velvetfireworks​

+navigation: special menu; main menu. 

+author’s notes: content under the cut, i hope you enjoy. i kinda left the ending for you to interpret. 

It comes in waves. It was grueling, really, stealing appetite and sleep alike. If you were the pine tree, then your relationship with him was the Christmas ornament; something that used to bring you such joy—joy that was your whole world. But now?

It feels like he simply took the ornament in his elegant yet firm hands, and smashed it in your gut. The shards instantly prick into your body, gradually making you bleed from the inside as you lament your pain out. You just hope that time erodes the edges of the shards that prick into your organs, but you know it's a lost cause.

Akaashi Keiji was your whole world. What was once whole is shattered; where once was peace is a void, and echoes of the love you put your everything into. His insouciance became too much for you, but you still kept sweeping the dust under the rug—not wanting to make him leave.

But he still did, didn't he?

The first harbinger was his slender attitude change. He'd stop wishing you "good morning's", or brewing coffee before leaving your shared apartment; you didn't think much of it, so you continued to shower him with as much love as you could.

The next was ghosting you on library dates. Every Saturday morning, the two of you would get coffee from your favorite café and then spend some time in the nearby library—whether it be suggesting one another new books, or just reading together. Now? He didn't even bother to show up anymore. You'd call him, and he'd make up an excuse about how much work he had, or a new manuscript being assigned to him.

Akaashi Keiji didn't work on Saturdays. Again, you didn't want to anger him, so you kept all the pain to yourself as you continued your journey to the library alone that first morning.

The night it happened, you were waiting for him. In your bed at 4 in the morning, as you heard the swallows and sparrows chirping outside. But the air felt different when he walked into the apartment. He took his time finishing up his routine, then finally walked into the room you were in.

Christ, it was so painful. The lilt in your voice that was always present was gone—he noticed it the second he stepped inside but didn't say anything. You had questioned him something as he laid down and pulled the duvet above his chest. He had ignored you, and you had lashed out.

You felt yourself falling apart—layer by layer—as the argument progressed exponentially. Small built-up emotions were being released all at the same time as you pointed out every single thing he had been doing for the past months. He could feel the tension as well, but he simply fueled the fire even more, knowing that it was wrong to do so.

You were sick in the head for him, but the cure for your disease hadn't been discovered. And it will never be.

And then he said it. He said that he didn't want to be with you, and then said he didn't want you anymore. Apparently, you bored him. You knew that it was bound to happen sometime, so you quietly left the apartment at 4 am, heading towards the nearest place you could find comfort.

"Ko," you breathed out when the owl-headed man opened the door. His shoulders had immediately perked up as he noticed your desolate expression. He quickly engulfed you into a tight embrace and helped you move out the next day.

In your lassitude, Bokuto would try to spend more time with you. All you wanted was for Akaashi to return to you. To come knocking at Bokuto's door, because all you wanted was to see him just one more time, you wanted to wish him goodbye.

But he didn't show up even once.

What hurts most is when you give your all to someone. You're there for them through thick and thin, and then one day, they just lose interest. They do the one thing you would never do, and they do it without hesitation.

Akaashi Keiji did the same thing to you, so why did it hurt every night when he went to bed? His sky wasn't blue anymore, it was violent rain. It felt like he could see you everywhere he went, whether it be his workplace, or at home, or in the library.

In the workplace, he'd be reminded of you whenever he read a romance manuscript. At home, it hurt because he couldn't smell that perfume you used to wear or just the scent of your shampoo on the pillows. He missed the way you cooked him Nanohana with Karashi dressing. He missed how he'd see you reading on your bed at night before going to sleep(this was when things were okay). Whenever he's at the library, he'd indecisively eye the sofa the two of you used to sit on together and read together.

At times, he'd wonder to himself. What happened? What caused him to be away from you? Why did he spend those nights away from you? Why did he bury himself in more work just to avoid you?

Why? What was the cause, anyway?

He remembers the night he broke you. Your relationship with him felt like an unfinished book—just waiting to be completed, as the bookmark taunts him skeptically.

He'd sigh as the sleepless nights became more and more familiar to him. The thoughts of you, your cries, and your broken expression clearly imprinted into his memory. He'd wince whenever he could visualize that memory. Your knees on the floor as you sobbed, then after picking yourself up, left.

The next day, he thought you'd still be there when he got back from work. The only thing is, you weren't. He got home, and instantly began apologizing to a you that wasn't even there. He had bought you a book and dinner from your favorite place to make it up to you, but when he walked in, he saw that every single one of your belongings was absent.

The coffee-maker in the kitchen was gone, and so were all of your clothes, your toothbrush, your lotion, your face-wash, and your books.

Everything was missing. Even your bunny-slippers were gone.

That was when he had realized that he had told you that he didn't want you anymore. He had said you were boring, he called you so many names that you never expected from him.

The pain never faded. Rather, it was exponential. Slowly but surely, he started to realize that he needed you more than you needed him. He missed your embrace in the mornings, he missed the scent of your homemade breakfast, he missed the way you'd wake him up on the weekends, he missed the way you'd run your hands through his raven hair like no one else could. He did try to talk to other women and men, but none of it seemed to interest him. He felt no interest in anyone else, because every time he met someone new, he'd notice something about them that'd remind him of you.

Everything reminded him of you.

Every time he'd walk past the coffee shop, his gunmetal blue orbs longed to see you sitting in one of the booths so he could go in and fix it all. He just wished—no, prayed—that he would find you every time he walked in and ordered a black coffee.

He'd leave you voice-mails but didn't think they'd do much. He got alone occasionally and he'd miss you so much that he'd re-read your favorite novels.

How did he end it? How could he bring himself to do something like that?

Sometimes, the pain reached such a limitless peak that his chest would physically hurt. He'd get up in the middle of the night, and his eyes would prickle with tears. He'd find himself in front of the bathroom mirror, crying uncontrollably as his hands wiped away the salty water from his cheeks.

He couldn't even remember the date when he had broken up with you. All he saw when he tried to remember was you. Your broken expression, and your tears and your sobs echoing in the bedroom.

It felt like so long. How long had it been, anyway? He wanted to visit you, at least. He wanted to try one more time; he wanted to get you back if he could, but if not, he wanted to say goodbye.

He chose the shirt you loved on him the most. It was a light-blue dress shirt that faded into a titanium white. You had said it reminded you of the high-school days you had spent with him walking home. And he had playfully ridiculed you, saying that you were a silly person if a mere shirt could bring forth such a memory.

As he buttoned up the shirt, he understood why you had said that about it. The light blue really made his eyes pop, and you had confessed to him the very last time the two of you had walked home together. Indirectly, you were hinting towards your confession and he had looked past it.

He scoffed at himself as he called Bokuto, knowing you were in his apartment.

"Bokuto-san?" he said into the phone. He was met with a whisper coming from the other side, "Akaashi, now is really not a good time."

"Wait, is something wrong?"

After Bokuto had explained the problem to Akaashi, was when he actually realized how long it had been. A year. How the hell had it already been a year since that disastrous night?

He couldn't stop himself from running to his car in a hurry. The next thing he knew, was that he was knocking on Bokuto's apartment door.

"Where are they?" was all he had asked Bokuto.

When he saw you sitting on the bed, in the same position as you had on that night, his shattered heart seemed to be turning into a thin powder. He sucked in a small breath as he sat down next to you.

"Hey."

Dry tears stained your cheeks, and your sniffs were so apparent. He let out a shaky breath as he held out a hand towards you, trying to caress your cheek.

You flinched at his touch but then leaned in.

"I-I'm really sorry, [Y/N]."

"I know."

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

Thank U, Next | Poe Dameron x Reader (1/2)

Prompt: High School AU

Fandom: Star Wars (Sequel Trilogy)

Words: 2791

Warning: Mentions past Armitage Hux x Reader, Ben Solo x Reader, Finn x Reader, and current background Finn x Rey.

A/N: I’m super late with the last three Writer’s Month prompts, but I ended up making this one longer than intended, like many of my fics, lol. Inspiration from the song Thank U, Next by Ariana Grande.

-

How long has it been since you’ve moved away from your hometown? Too long, apparently. There were some stores that closed down with new ones taking their place, buildings renovated and even a new road was added to cut travel time. Everything felt familiar to you, but also distant. You were born and raised here, but this was no longer your home.

When that invite for your high school reunion arrived at your apartment in the city, you debated whether you should go back. You had a lot of bittersweet memories there, but you were curious of what happened to your classmates. You’ve changed a lot since you graduated from high school and you hoped that certain people had changed for the better as well.

You went a week before the reunion, staying in a spare room of your mother’s new house. It was spacious and homely, filled with everything that your mother had always wanted, including a garden and a greenhouse in the backyard. Your parents had divorced a year after you graduated, something that had been a long time coming and they still remain friends. You could sense a heavyweight leaving your mother’s shoulders when the paperwork went through and you had helped her move out.

Throughout the week, you got situated in the spare room, making it your own for the times that you plan on visiting, as well as helping out with the garden. You always wanted one growing up, but your father was against the idea, claiming that it was too much maintenance that he didn’t want to do. It was peaceful in the backyard with fairy lights hanging around the patio. Oftentimes, you and your mother would drink a warm beverage and talk on the patio, catching up with each other and reminiscing. She had heard that some of your classmates stayed, some went to the military, and some even she hadn’t heard about in a while.

-

You were lounging in the backyard, reading an old book that you had in high school when an orange tabby hopped the fence and meowed. You bookmarked your page and sat up, seeing the orange tabby sit a few feet ahead of you, licking their paw.

“Hey, there, little one,” you said, reaching a hand out.

The tabby paused their cleaning, tentatively leaning forward to sniff your hand. When they realized you were good people, they rubbed against your palm and stepped towards you. Once they got closer, you realized the cat was female, her name tag reading Millicent Hux. Huh, you knew a Hux in high school. You had a crush on him for a year, and you remembered the whole school found out and he never spoke to you again because of all the teasing.

“Excuse me!” someone called out.

You turned away from Millicent and saw a tall and pale ginger man waving from the other side of the fence. He paused his waving when it registered just who he was waving to. You stood up with Millicent in your arms and made your way towards the fence.

“Armitage?” you asked in disbelief.

He smiled. “Yeah, that’s me. Lanky Armi,” he said with a shrug, “I didn’t know you were in town. Here for the reunion?”

“Yeah. I assume this is your cat,” you said, raising Millicent up.

“Yeah, I was about to take her out to the vet when she ran out of her carrier. Thank god she ended up here instead of hanging out by the road.” He grabbed Millicent from you, carrying her like a baby. “You look good.”

“You, too.”

He scoffed, shrugging off the compliment. “Still lanky and pale.”

“Are you going, too?”

He nodded. “I’ve seen a few of our classmates that had arrived earlier this week,” he said, hesitating to continue, “I, uh, saw Ben, too.”

“Oh,” you said, surprised.

From the way that Armitage said that, it meant that he knew or at least had an idea of what happened between you and Ben. They were close friends, after all. You never painted Ben as someone that cared for such gatherings. Sentimentality wasn’t his best trait. You weren’t sure how to feel about his presence in town.

Armitage cleared his throat, regretting about saying anything. “Well, I’ll see you around, then. Would love to stay and catch up, but this one needs her shots.”

“Alright, it was nice seeing you again, Armi,” you said, smiling, “And nice to meet you, too, Millicent.”

You walked back to your reading spot and sighed. Given the size of this town, you were surprised you hadn’t ran into anyone from school before now, and it was a pleasant surprise. Armitage was always tall and lanky, but he looked more mature and had a more lean build. He had always been a good kid, he was just easily influenced by others around him and you were disappointed that he had succumbed to it. He seemed to have gotten over that and you were glad that you could talk like friends, possibly making up for lost time. There was a classmate or two that you had ran into as adults that still maintained their immature personalities from school. You wondered how everyone else turned out.

-

Your mother had gone on a cooking spree on the first two days you were there and needed to restock the fridge. You volunteered to go grocery shopping but had to use google maps to find the address that the store had relocated to. Once there, the layout was relatively the same, just in a slightly bigger space.

While looking for a specific cereal brand that your mother insisted on eating, you heard someone clear his throat nearby. You wordless moved to the side, thinking you were in the way of something. You heard a soft chuckle before he spoke.

“(Y/n),” he said.

Your head shot up and you were met with a grinning Finn. “Oh, my god! Hi, how are you?” you asked excitedly.

“I’m good. Real good,” he said, pulling you into a hug. It was then you noticed a young woman around your age standing next to him with a sweet smile that showed off her dimples. “Rey, this is my old friend (Y/n). (Y/n), this is my fiancee, Rey.”

“Nice to meet you,” you said, turning to Rey.

She pulled you into another hug. “It’s nice to meet you, too. Finn told me a lot about his time at high school. He only has good things to say about you.”

“Well, that’s nice of him,” you said, raising an eyebrow at Finn.

He shrugged, wrapping an arm around Rey. “What can I say? I’m a nice guy.”

“I expect to hear all the embarrassing stories of him,” Rey whispered to you.

You smiled and said, “Oh, I have an arsonal full of those. Maybe we can meet up later. I’ve gotta get these groceries back to my mom first.”

Finn looks down at your cart, seeing beef, tomato sauce, vegetables, and other miscellaneous items. His eyes widened in excitement. “Is your mom making her famous beef stew?”

“Hell yeah!”

He groaned, thinking back to those times he used to come over your house for dinner and that first time he tried your mother’s beef stew. Ever since then, he always requested that she make it, or at least pack a container that he could take home and share with his family who loved it as well. His father would joke that two of you should get married once you two graduate, but marriage had never been a priority for you, and Finn knew that. You had different ideas of the future and respected the other’s decision for it, which was why your breakup was amicable and the two of you remained friendly and supportive of each other. 

“I’ll see if my mom can pack some for you and Rey,” you said as you walked towards your cart.

Finn grinned, patting you on the shoulder. “I knew I could count on you. Rey, you gotta try it! It’s so good.”

“Alright, I look forward to it,” Rey said, “It was nice meeting you.”

“You, too,” you said, then asked Finn, “Are you staying over at your parent’s house?”

“Yeah, same house, too. I’ll be showing Rey around for the rest of the week, but you can stop by anytime to see my folks. I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you,” Finn said.

“Alright. I’ll see you when I see you, then,” you said before walking away.

You smiled to yourself as you left, having seen the way that they spoke and looked at each other. Their happiness was infectious and you couldn’t help but be happy for them. Your worries that you had before coming back slowly seeped away after pleasantly running into Armitage and Finn. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. You’re all adults now, surely it won’t be like that Romi and Michelle movie, though flying away in a helicopter looked pretty cool.

-

The park that you used to frequent seemed to have an upgrade with an added baseball field, more restroom facilities, an area with exercise equipment, and even a water fountain near the clearing away from the fields. You sat near the water fountain where there were painted picnic tables shaded by trees, a new journal and fountain pen sat in front of you as you brushed off the leaves from the table.

With your headphones on, you tried to get back into the writing zone that you’ve been hoping that your trip back to your hometown would help you with. When you left town, you went off to pursue your writing career, entering writing contests and having short stories published. Your new goal was to finish a novel. You would always start a story, but always got stuck on something and never finished it. Writing contests and published short stories could only get you so far and unless you wanted to keep churning out new short stories at a time, hoping that they’ll get through and be published, just to pay your bills, you needed to finish that novel.

You started small, writing down ideas, hoping that visually having them on the page instead of floating in your mind would help. Then, you took some of those ideas and jotted down plot points that the story could have. You continued this until you got into the flow of writing a rough draft for one of them.

Your timer went off, reminding you to head back home before it got dark. You finished your last thought before capping your pen and packing your things away. The sun hung low in the sky, a cool breeze rustling the trees, making you wish you brought a light jacket.

You got to your old car, you tried to open the backseat door that wouldn’t budge. It had always caused you problems like this, but you kept it because it at least got you where you needed to go. You sighed, yanking the door handle again before giving up. After years of forcing that door open, the handle looked like it was going to fall off.

“Still haven’t fixed that door, I see,” a voice said with amusement.

You turned to face the source of the voice and froze. Poe freaking Dameron stood in front of you, dressed in gray sweats with his military camp printed on the front and the side, dark spots stained near his armpits and his neck from sweat. He became impossibly more handsome since the last time you’ve seen him. He gave you a wide smile, one that made many of your fellow classmates swoon in infatuation at him and glare in envy at you, showing you the Poe you knew from school.

He briefly turned to open the backseat of his truck, taking out a hand towel to wipe himself down. “Back in town for the reunion?” he asked.

“Yeah. You, too?”

He nodded. “Everyone’s happy that I’m finally taking time off that’s more than two to three days. Apparently I’m a workaholic? Don’t know why,” he said with a shrug.

You raised an eyebrow. He definitely knew why. For as long as you’ve known him, once he got into something, he put his all into it. Joining a sports team? He’d practice during any free time that he had and become an mvp or team captain. Getting into music? He’d started a band that played during homecoming week and at school events. He even composed and wrote his own songs. It was his strongest and weakest trait. You loved his passion, but that passion would sometimes make him forget everything else.

“Huh, what’s your new obsession now?” you asked, leaning against your car.

Poe mirrored you with his truck as he wiped excess sweat from his hair. “Flying… it’s something that I picked up when I was in the military,” he said.

“Oh,” you said, looking down before clearing your throat to try and appear unphased, “What kind of flying?”

“After I left the military, I missed flying and travelling, so I got into doing helicopter tours in a few countries. Just a couple of years ago, I started to fly commercial airplanes. There’s a whole process with that one, but it was worth it.”

“That sounds cool. I know you’ve always wanted to fly those airplanes,” you said.

He nodded. “Yeah, funny how life works, right? You plan something, you end up doing something else, but if it was meant to be, you somehow end up where you had always wanted to go.”

“Yeah, I’m still waiting for that to happen to me,” you muttered.

“You got published, though,” he pointed out, “They’re short stories, but it’s a start. Your writing is amazing, (Y/n). I know you’ll get there.”

The corner of your lips turned up. There goes his award winning pep talks again. You didn’t know that he was even aware of the work that you’ve done. It didn’t do much for you personally, but you were glad that he hadn’t changed too much,

“Thanks, Poe,” you said, opening your driver’s seat door.

“Hey, can I say something before you go?” he asked before you could climb into your car. You paused, turning to face him. “Look, I know I should have told you that I enlisted, but I don’t regret going. I only wished that we had the chance to work it out, maybe take you with me if I could, if you wanted to. Or at the very least, parted on better terms.”

You avoided his eyes as you tried to find the right words to say. There were so many things you wished you had said on the day he told you about his enlistment. It was all too late to bring them up now. It wasn’t going to change the fact that you two broke up over it. You should at least clear the air, so there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings, though, but you were stubborn. You never wanted to admit it, but while your break up with Finn had been easy and painless, breaking up with Poe was one of the hardest things you had to go through.

“I… I understood why you did it,” you said, “And I should have stopped to think about your perspective instead of getting angry and I’m sorry. It’s my fault that we ended things like that.”

Poe sighed, knowing that there was more that you wanted to say. Another thing that you loved and hated about him was his ability to read you. When there was no reply from him, you climbed in your car, shutting the door harder than you intended. While you were turning the engine on and fiddling with the radio, Poe stepped closer, leaning a hand on the roof of your car.

“Could we meet somewhere?” he asked softly, “You know, just to catch up?”

You leaned back in your seat, drumming your fingers on the steering wheel. “I’m running some errands tomorrow. Does lunch at the usual diner work for you?”

Poe smiled. “Sure, yeah. I’ll meet you there tomorrow, then.”

That night, you sat on your bed, wondering why your heart was racing while thinking about tomorrow. It had been so long since you and Poe sat down and talked. Meeting him tomorrow meant that you would have to eventually address all the things that were left unsaid, all the questions that were left unanswered, and all the things that had happened after going your separate ways. You doubt that the two of you could start over, given your different career paths, but maybe you could at least be on speaking terms.

[ahiddenpath]

hi, new follower here!! i hope you'll get better soon :"D mind if i ask your headcanon about what the digidestined will do under the lockdown? thanks!

Hi there, thank you for following me!  I’m alright, I just have GAD and am struggling with it right now.  I imagine I’m in good company now, though, what with the pandemic...  Which is an appropriate segue into your ask!

I’m sure there are folks who don’t wanna hear about lockdown and pandemics, so I will throw this one beneath the cut :D  I will assume that the kids are their 2020 ages (ie, Koushiro was born in 1989 ish, so he’s about 31), and I will try not to be depressing.  I’ll also assume the digimon are currently in the Digital World, just for my sanity.  I’m also assuming the Chosen are okay economically, and that the lockdown is enforced (ie, none of them are allowed  to report to work or go out, with few exceptions).

Thanks for the ask <3

Taichi

Chilling out at home, reading manga, watching TV, and being lazy is fun... for a few days.  Very soon, Taichi is pacing his apartment, doing at-home workouts, and wishing his cooking was better.  He can only eat so many omelettes!!!  

The social isolation hits hard at some point, even though he Facetimes people.  And even though he finds ways to move in his apartment, staring at the same four walls is rough for someone who prefers stimulation.  He temporarily moves back in with his parents or with a friend at the first opportunity!

Probably gets pretty buff during lockdown.  He loses his tan, and his hair grows back to its incredible childhood proportions, which makes his friends and family laugh!  

Yamato

Does a lot of cooking/baking, and takes the opportunity to study and work out.  Being an astronaut requires top mental and physical condition!  He’s pretty used to being isolated to a degree, because...  Again, astronaut.

He’s worried about his loved ones, especially Takeru and his dad.  When he can, he temporarily moves in with one (or both?).  He says it’s “to take care of them,” since they’re so “hopeless,” but he’s full of shit.  He’s lonely and worried.

If he’s in space, then he’s even more frantic, due to the distance from his loved ones.  The astronauts frequently look at earth and wonder what the hell is happening down there.

If he’s with Sora at this point, then he fares better for her companionship and reassurances.

Sora

She checks in with her friends and family over Facetime.  They think she’s worried about them, and they’re not wrong...  But doing something for the people she loves helps Sora find purpose and connection in difficult times.  She experiences worry for the world and her friends, so she tries to keep busy.

Sora has a lot of hobbies, so she spends the time working on outfit designs and sewing.  She finally makes a dent in her fabric supplies!  Still, she’s an active person, and she starts to feel pent-up before long, even though she’s exercising.  When she’s not sewing or talking to friends, she cleans and escapes into online art galleries.

If she’s with Yamato at this point, she probably fares better.  If not, I imagine she might temporarily stay with a friend when she can.

Koushiro

What lockdown?    

Just kidding!  Still, Koushiro feels a little guilty because...  He’s enjoying working from home instead of reporting to the office, and his work productivity has skyrocketed.  He’s not particularly lonely, since he can use Facetime, and he doesn’t feel pent-up at home.  

But he soon finds that he relies on the routine of reporting to work and moving through the day more than he realized.  During lock down, it’s easy for him to forget to eat, bathe, sleep, and take breaks without his routine!  He also lost a lot of his food options, and he can’t cook...  

Luckily, Taichi often calls in the evenings to play online games.

He temporarily moves in with his parents ASAP.  

Mimi

THIS IS THE WORRRRSSSSTTTTTT!  Mimi can’t deal with lockdown.  Hopefully, she was able to move in with friends or a romantic interest for a bit beforehand.  If not, I think she might actually pop.  And even with friends, she’ll crave stimulation.

She tries to spend the time thinking of new recipes, but her ingredients are limited...  Which means that she digs deep into the supplies that have sat, unused, for a while...

She probably has a lot of board game nights and virtual dinner parties with her friends.

Jyou

If he’s a human doctor at this point, then he’s an essential employee.  He’s working himself to the bone to help people.  He won’t allow anyone to live with him for now, because of the risk of exposing them.  He’s on top of covid-19 research and news, and how little is known about the virus and the changing information terrifies him.

His friends start ordering food to be delivered to him, fearing that he isn’t taking care of himself.  He mostly sleeps when he’s at home, since he spends so long working so hard.  I hope other people will support him, because Jyou will set himself on fire to help others.

Takeru

Uses humor to cope, but on the inside, he’s afraid.  Calls his family and friends a lot, and tries to be nonchalant...  But they know he’s scared and wanting to check in.

Takeru reads and writes constantly during lockdown, and watches shows and movies that he’s always meant to watch.  He usually takes walks for inspiration, and the lack of visual stimulation/change of scenery is rough on him.  He’s also pretty social, so lockdown is rough on him.  He probably takes up a random hobby to cope, something really weird, like ventriloquism.  Is he doing this to mess with people, or because he’s losing it?  Who knows!  

Blogs about everything.  Everything.  Prank calls his friends, and pretends that they’re buying it when they clearly are not.

Probably comes crying to live with Onii-chan for a bit ASAP.

Hikari

Hikari keeps herself occupied well, but she’s worried about her friends and family, and she gets lonely.  She calls everyone often, especially Miyako when she’s feeling really down.

Hikari holds online learning sessions for her kiddos, both group and individual.  It’s a ton of work, but she’s glad to see her students and have even this much normalcy.  She probably couldn’t cope without it.

She does a photography light study during lockdown, and probably adopts a cat, if she doesn’t have one already.

Daisuke

Spontaneously combusts by day four.  I’m kidding!  Mostly!

I’m not sure if restaurants operate during a lockdown, but ramen isn’t a good delivery option, I’d imagine?  Well, if he can work, at least he can get out and do that.  If not, he spends most of lockdown experimenting with food and drinks, and researching for his business.  He joins Taichi for work outs- they follow the same videos together.  Constantly calling his friends, especially Ken and Miyako.  Probably drinks more than he should.  Watches lots of movies and TV, plays video games.

So like...  You know, he keeps busy as best he can, but Daisuke is an active, social man.  It’s rough on him!

Miyako

I imagine she has kids by now...  She probably throws herself into keeping them busy and entertained.  The good news is that she has Ken and at least one kid at this point, so she’s not alone.

Being pent-up is hard for her, so she tries to put together novel experiences for herself and her family: crafts, games, cooking challenges, forts, and competitive cleaning.  Even though they’re inside all day, everyone is pooped by the end of the day!

She winds down in the evening by talking to Hikari or Ken with a drink.

Iori

He’s grateful to live with his mother and grandfather at this time.  I don’t know if he’d still be able to do lawyer work- maybe he can study cases that are on hold?  Would he be a lawyer at this point?

Iori has a steady, grounded personality, so I think he’d fare alright.  He would practice kendo, maybe participate in online training, and spend time with his aging grandfather.  Maybe he’d take the opportunity to record his grandfather on camera, asking him questions about his life.

Iori would probably check in on people intermittently, but I think his primary focus will be on his family at this time.  

Ken

Hmm, this is hard...  I imagine police are essential, but is Ken more of a... detective?  I’m not sure if he’d be working or not?

If he is, well, he’d be busy with that.  If not, I’m sure there’s a lot to do at home, with young children.  The good news is that he isn’t lonely, unless he has to live elsewhere in the event that he’s working and doesn’t want to potentially expose his young family.

Basically, this one depends on circumstances.  I could see Ken doing alright, or doing really... not alright if he’s separated from his family.

[wetheanecdocheuniverse]

An Infinitude

She envisaged every details of her first Sunday in Paris like she would rehearse the lines in her treasured novels. It’s the weekend and she likes spending her free time inviting a few friends over and listening to podcasts until she falls asleep and it's Monday again. She takes pride in dressing up well and making sure that she does not overdo her hair. She wears her leather shoes in such a way that she would take her classic roller blades into a spin.  As an aesthetician, her eyes can be compared to a dagger. She look into art with such fidelity, the same way she imagines what its artists were thinking and feeling when they first lifted their paint brushes to create the strokes that will later on become a masterpiece to the world. There's no simple answers for her, she likes her words spread out onto the table and told in stories that makes her connect more with her audience.

"Simple is an art of telling people your point of view," she said one afternoon at a museum tour she presented on.

"...but not really about making them understand the why, the how, the where, the when. I don't want people to remember me with simple answers and tell me later on that 'you could've said more' you know? I want people to learn, and you can't do that if your statement don't intrigue them enough so this is why I am answering in 3 sentences now.." she laughed, looking at the young and curious art students that respectfully nods and smiles at her

Tonight, she stopped by at Le Grenier à Pain to look for Pain a l'Ail and Ficelle to go along with what she will be preparing for a home dinner with her friends, Sarah and Cassidy. She took a few stops to grab a bottle of 1998 Masseto Toscana IGT and ingredients for her version of the Onion Chicken Pasta. While she was driving, Sarah made a quick phone call to remind her about dinner and that she and Cassidy will be bringing their favorite macaroons. When she got home, she was greeted by two mails which she hurriedly read and realized that it was from her art professor back in New York, Martha Davis--which she grew close to, and who sends her weekly mails about what to work on and to create a personal-professional critique into different art pieces. Basically, to keep her mind running. This time, it is about looking into Edvard Munch's well-known painting "The Scream". She thought, "C'est agréable," and continued to the kitchen.

The dinner with her friends went well, she received compliments about her pasta and drank the bottle of red wine religiously while catching up on life. Sarah talked about visiting Southeast Asia and how she enjoys reading comments on her travel blog, while Cassidy talked about her newfound love for pottery making. When she was asked, she told them about how she likes meeting new people and being at new places while constantly being able to do what she loves. 

"I wouldn't have thought that these beautiful cities will listen to what I have to say about their greatest artists, and I couldn't be more in love," they toast to that.

Later that night, she was back to the quiet. She placed Edvard Munch's "The Scream" printouts to her bed neatly and carefully, as if not to make a single cripple. There were four versions of the painting dated at 1893, 1895, and 1910 which all looks similar with minimal differences between the figures represented and colors used. Back to when she visited Neue Galerie in New York, she will take a moment to look from different angles of the painting, moving left and right, front, and back. She would do this to see if the painting "speaks" to her, she will close her eyes and presume the setting from when the painting was being created. With all she knew about Munch, she saw a man who went opposite from realism to show what his agonized mind looked like. He aggrandized the colors reds and oranges to lay out the sunset, the macabre distorted figure who appears to have his elongated hands placed at the side of his face and temples depicted the anxious screaming, completely terror-stricken expression, altogether with the swirly lines in the background that exhibited a stirring movement.

After looking visually into Munch's work, she went to the balcony and watched the sleepless city end and meet another day. She thought about the immeasurable beauty of mind and soul that makes a person sensational and how the abundant experiences that someone has come up against become enough to make them fear losing themselves. For her, being able to create art is one thing, but allowing people to look from your eyes through an imaginary moon gate--to open up without speaking, and inviting to touch hands even from centuries apart is what makes this lifetime singular. Her eyes moved to the midnight sky that made indistinguishable sounds.

"Like the painting that speaks," she then took a gaze upon the few people at the high end of the streets

"...what do they ponder about when they look at us?"

[aestheticallypleasinganimeboys]

Nao Unoha - Visual Novel: Apartment Dinner Show

[a-man-for-hire-and-his-archives]

AN INTERVIEW WITH LUKE ARNOLD

Many people know actor Luke Arnold from the Starz TV show Black Sails where he plays the character, John Silver. But, to add to his extensive acting credits is his debut novel, The Last Smile in Sunder City. The first novel of the Fetch Phillips Archives series. If you haven’t had a chance to check out Sunder City, you should fix that ASAP. (Our review can be found here.) Sunder City is a little bit of fantasy, a little bit Sam Spade, and a whole lot of good writing. GdM got the opportunity to sit down with Luke and talk to him a bit about his writing, and what is happening in the future for Fetch Phillips.

GDM: Hi Luke. Thank you for agreeing to chat with me a bit about your writing, life, and The Last Smile in Sunder City.

LA: My absolute pleasure. Thanks for having me.

GDM: For the uninitiated, could you tell me a little about yourself and how you got into writing Sunder City? Have you always been a writer?

LA: I’ve been working as an actor for most of my adult life. When I started out, all my creative paths were intertwined. I’d write things, act in them, direct them, and collaborate with anyone on anything. Then I was lucky enough to have some success in the acting world, most notably on a show called Black Sails, and gave that all of my focus for a few years. After that wrapped up, it felt like it was time to dig back into my own writing, so I put away some time and punched out the first draft.

GDM: I know with acting, you must pull character creation and visualization from a creative space. How does that differ from character creation when writing novels?

LA: In some ways, they couldn’t be more opposite. When you act on film, you really have to trust everyone around you and hope that you’re in safe hands. You work off someone else’s material on a set that someone else built, in a costume that someone else made, while you listen to direction and hand your performance over to an editor at the end of it. It’s about doing your homework, preparing properly, and then committing to this brief window of time when you try to be in the moment and deliver a performance worth capturing.

GDM: With a novel, you are the entire crew, and the window lasts as long as you need it to. For the most part, there is no collaboration, no outside input, nobody rocking up with a ready-made set or a beautiful coat to put on one of your characters. For better or worse, it’s all you.

LA: To be honest, being able to bounce back and forth between the two makes me enjoy each of them even more.

GDM: The Last Smile in Sunder City was a remarkable story. I loved how the story is told through a series of interactions, both now and in the past. It was a compelling narrative device in describing how a character can change once crossing a pivotal moment in their lives. In Fetch’s case, it was the before and after the Coda. Did you plan for the story to be told in this fashion, or did the story change organically as you wrote it?

LA: When I started writing this story, it was only the present-day part of the story: a man-for-hire searching for a Vampire in a broken fantasy world. I thought maybe I would do a bunch of these short cases, stick them together, and then do an origin story one day.

I shared the story with some friends in the publishing world and while they really liked it, they informed me that collections of short stories are nearly impossible to sell, and suggested that a novel would be a better path. Thankfully, I took their advice.

I think the scars of that process can still be seen on this story, but I kind of like that. It’s the same thing that happened to Raymond Chandler (my biggest influence when it comes to this book). Chandler wrote short stories for a magazine called Black Mask. Most of his novels were an amalgamation of those shorter stories, tied together and padded out.

My second book, Dead Man in a Ditch, is more tightly constructed, but for the first story about a hopeless, wandering gumshoe who only begins to find his way, I think the creative journey added to the tone.

GDM: How did you create the after Coda world? What was the inspiration?

LA: A lot of the pre-Coda world (the magical time) was planned out before I started. I tracked the beginning of magic and thought about how it would seep into the world and create versions of all the magical creatures we’re familiar with. But in the post-Coda, a lot of it comes to life as I take Fetch around the city and see who he stumbles across. Rather than being inspired by any particular time or place in history, it’s more about a feeling. A bit of guilt. A touch of depression. A regular spoonful of self-loathing. Sometimes it’s about growing up. Sometimes it’s about living in the aftermath of mistakes. It all depends on where Fetch’s mind is at. He’s always struggling with some internal dilemma, and I love to make him bump into the perfect creature that will make things even worse.

GDM: Are you a big fantasy and science fiction reader? Which books have you been inspired by?

LA: I’ve always been a big reader, but I only dabbled in fantasy before this. I’ve been doing my best to catch up over the last few years. Most of the fantasy worlds that influenced me would have come from video games, anime, and film. I’ve been going through Final Fantasy 7 recently (remake, and replaying the original), and realized that it probably influenced Sunder City more than any book.

There’s plenty of Pratchett in my world, and I’ve stolen fantasy creatures from everywhere, but you’ll find more elements of Humphry Bogart than Hobbits.

GDM: One of the take-aways I had From The Last Smile in Sunder City was even under all the dark, the ominous, the despair, under the constant struggle to live, there is always a small shiny kernel of hope. As a reader, I am drawn to stories that have this; it helps me connect and want more as a reader. Was this always the intention?

LA: Sure. I love playing with the expectations we have of fantasy characters versus what we expect of ourselves. In worlds with magic spells, evil villains, and ancient prophesies, we want our heroes to find the special sword, kill the baddie, and restore peace to the land. When you’re younger, our world seems so different to the ones in books that it feels like escapism. But as you get older, you realise that there are actually these looming threats coming to destroy the us and villains who cause suffering for their own gain, but the bit that we struggle with (at least I do) is what we can do about it. Could we be better? Does anything we do matter? Or could we wake up tomorrow and actually make a difference?

I don’t know how to fix the world (yet) but I do know that a shared moment with a close friend or a perfect cup of coffee will help me get up tomorrow and keep searching.

GDM: Can you tell me a bit about Dead Man in a Ditch?

LA: The first book hints that the magic might not be completely gone for good. Of course, Fetch isn’t ready to believe that, but word has gotten out. Folks start arriving at Fetch’s door, asking him to find a way to fix things. That includes the police department, who invites Fetch to a crime scene where a guy’s face has been blown apart by a fireball.

With the stage set by the first book, Dead Man in a Ditch makes some big moves forward, though the shadows from the past are still hanging around.

GDM: Finally, I always like to end on a light-hearted question. The Dinner Party question. If you could have dinner and conversation with three figures from real life, alive or dead, or fiction, who would they be and why?

LA: Jim Henson. I think Sesame Street is the most important television show ever made and everything Jim brought into the world has made it a better place. Maybe I’d get to learn a couple of things but maybe I’d just get to spend a couple of hours in his presence.

David Bowie (Similar reasons to Henson, really) and Nina Simone (because she seemed really disappointed at Montreux that Bowie wasn’t there, so I’d die to see them hanging out). And there would be a piano tucked in the corner, as if by accident, but I’d never ask anyone to play (until the second bottle of wine, when I absolutely would).

I know they’re all creative, but then I would at least have a chance of joining in the conversation. If it was Nelson Mandela, Marie Curie and Martin Luther King, I’d be outed as an imbecile immediately.

- Grimdark Magazine (x)

[dweemeister]

The Little Colonel (1935)

Whenever I watch older films with black actors in subservient roles, I have a habit of pausing the film, and scrolling through their filmography. For the African-American actors and actresses that worked at Hollywood’s major studios before the emergence of Sidney Poitier, Harry Belafonte, and Dorothy Dandridge in the 1950s, they toiled in stereotypical roles that read repetitively – servant, maid, busboy, slave, villager, savage, African chief. Like many black moviegoers in the early twentieth century, I am glad these mostly-unknown actors found work, but am sick to see the buffoonish, stereotype-adhering characters they play on screen (this raises questions about whether no representation or bad representation is better, but that is for another day).

Bill “Bojangles” Robinson was the highest-paid black entertainer of the 1930s: a masterful tap dancer (tap dancing is an innovation from the minstrel show, where Robinson’s career began) idolized by Fred Astaire, the Nicholas Brothers, and Gene Kelly. His birthday, May 25, is National Tap Dance Day. Robinson’s vaudeville and Broadway career had long made him a national celebrity, and Hollywood studios looked to procure his services for bit and supporting roles. While in Hollywood, he quickly learned that he could not escape the restrictions Hollywood executives had set for non-white actors – casting directors, whether by a lack of imagination or naked racism or somewhere in between, could not envision black actors beyond certain roles.

Another American cultural fixture in the 1930s was an adorable, curly-haired girl named Shirley Temple. Months before its merger with Twentieth Century Pictures, Fox Film Corporation cast Robinson in a Shirley Temple picture, The Little Colonel. Shirley Temple movies often relegated A-list actors to supporting roles – disgruntling those actors to some extent, but mollifying their frustration with the dependable profits made at the box office. Seen today, The Little Colonel is problematic in its depiction of race relations and portrayal of its black characters. And yet, it is also groundbreaking. The film features the first interracial dance couple in American film history, and spawned a close intergenerational friendship between Temple and Robinson that lasted until the latter’s death.

It is the early 1870s in Kentucky, and life has changed little since the American Civil War ended. White landowners retain their plantations and black subordinates. Those subordinates are no longer slaves, but racially-coded relations remain. Though Kentucky remained in the Union, there are numerous veterans and supporters of the defeated Confederacy within its borders, including Colonel Lloyd (Lionel Barrymore). The colonel has learned that his daughter, Elizabeth Lloyd (Evelyn Venable), has married a Yankee, Jack Sherman (John Lodge). Furious, the Colonel disowns Elizabeth – forcing her and Jack, an American soldier, to accept a posting in the West. There, they raise a girl, Lloyd Sherman (Temple), before moving back to Kentucky six years later. Before leaving the fort with her parents, Lloyd, the outfit’s darling, is made an honorary colonel of the United States Army. Elizabeth, Jack, little Lloyd, and housekeeper Becky “Mom Beck” Porter (Hattie McDaniel) settle in a household near Colonel Lloyd’s plantation without his knowledge. Colonel Lloyd eventually learns that the happy-go-lucky rapscallion bothering him and his head servant Walker (Robinson) is his granddaughter, and continues to exile Elizabeth and Jack from his life.

The Little Colonel, shown in black-and-white, ends with a brief two-strip Technicolor scene (Walt Disney’s monopoly on three-strip Technicolor would end later that year) – a “pink party” that marked the only time Shirley Temple wore makeup in a Fox film.

Adapted from Annie Fellows Johnston’s novel of the same name by screenwriter William M. Conselman (several Shirley Temple films, including 1934’s Bright Eyes and 1936’s Stowaway) and journeyman director David Butler (another Shirley Temple regular, 1942’s Road to Morocco), The Little Colonel sees Temple play a hallmark of her characters: a precocious troublemaker whose very charm melts hearts and inspires others to do what is just, despite their personal prejudices and historical biases. Only if the real world could be like that, audiences must have thought – packing movie theaters to see escapist fare like this, to forget momentarily the Great Depression. Like any Shirley Temple picture, the film is at its best when it concentrates on its young star. Most of the G-rated humor on display is gentle, ribbing others’ sense of self-importance and their absurd, absolutist behavior (especially Barrymore’s Colonel Lloyd, who looks as if he is about to sell me fast food served in a red-and-white tub). Not even little Lloyd is spared:

LLOYD SHERMAN: Aren’t papas supposed to love their little girls? MOM BECK: Yes, honey, they should. LLOYD SHERMAN: It seems might funny to me. MOM BECK: It’s ‘cause all the Lloyds are stubborn. The old colonel is, your mama is, and you is. LLOYD SHERMAN: I’m not stubborn! Don’t you call me that! MOM BECK: Don’t you stomp your foot at me. That don’t change it, that just proves it!

Elsewhere, too much of The Little Colonel’s humor is premised in racial stereotyping. That Lloyd Sherman befriends two black children in May Lily (Avonne Jackson) and Henry Clay (Nyanza Potts) might be enough to spark outrage among millions of American moviegoers in the 1930s. As much as this decision should be commended, that commendation is tempered by their appearance – inspired by minstrel shows – and by the fact they are eating watermelon in several scenes. Barrymore’s Colonel Lloyd is not only a misanthrope, but a racist misanthrope. Where little Lloyd sees an old man who needs to be taken down many notches, few others who see this film would probably be as disarming towards him. Colonel Lloyd refers to May Lily and Henry Clay as “pickaninnies”, threatens physical punishment towards Walker and Mom Beck at the slightest mistake, and indulges in Lost Cause rhetoric that glorifies the Confederacy as righteous. He is the sort of person that many Americans on tumblr would rather not speak to over Thanksgiving dinner. For Mom Beck and Walker, the two black servants in this film are understandably undereducated. But though the film paints them as self-aware and quick-witted, it mocks their lack of education during a scene where their poor spelling and grammar is apparent.

The Little Colonel is less of a musical than other Shirley Temple films, but it is obviously not devoid of musical moments. Its one notable musical scene is without lyrics and is best known for its fancy footwork. The staircase dance between Bill Robinson and Shirley Temple is transcendent cinema. This sequence is set to an original rhyme before transitioning into “My Old Kentucky Home” (Robinson mimics a trumpet to provide the melody) and follows a late-night confrontation between little Lloyd and Colonel Lloyd. Lloyd Sherman, who has been sent away from home because her father must be quarantined due to illness, wants to see her parents – ironically, this is for the good of the film, as Lodge and Venable’s performances are indifferent. She has never been away from her parents this long, and finds herself unsettled by living with her cantankerous grandfather. But there is Bill Robinson, as Walker, to provide comfort and solace.

In this complicated, potentially dangerous dancing scene, they showcase their agility and technical ability together. Robinson was Temple’s sole tap dancing teacher; she was a quick study, soon learning how to feel the beat rather vocalize or visualize it. Without hyperbole, Robinson would later claim Temple to be one of the best dancing partners he ever had. Depression-era audiences of all races witnessed their mastery on-screen. The scene celebrates and implies that blacks and whites can address and overcome hardship together. Robinson holding Temple’s hand proved incendiary to many Southern theater owners, as many requested prints that edited out the hand-holding.

During the years after The Little Colonel’s release, Robinson – fifty years Temple’s senior – became her most frequent co-star and a dear friend (best described as a close uncle-niece relationship). Nevertheless, unlike his white co-stars, he could never embrace or kiss Temple on-screen. Robinson also stayed in and used different facilities – giving the young Shirley Temple an early, though, understanding of the racism blacks faced in America. She recalled how, on the set of The Little Colonel, Robinson was the only person in the cast or crew to treat her as an equal, never patronizing her. The two sent telegrams when apart, encouraging and motivating the other to do and be their best. This meeting of two cultural giants, their careers constrained in their respective ways, continues to provide the inspiration and joy that audiences in the Depression sorely needed – even if the films themselves reflect the most unsavory aspects of American attitudes towards race.

My rating: 7/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found in the “Ratings system” page on my blog (as of July 1, 2020, tumblr is not permitting certain posts with links to appear on tag pages, so I cannot provide the URL).

For more of my reviews tagged “My Movie Odyssey”, check out the tag of the same name on my blog.

[mydearsaddiary]

Neil Season 3 part 5

Trigger warning: +16. This chapter includes mention of drug use and sexual harassment. The topics may be sensitive to some people!

Hey! For those of you who don’t know I am writing a Speakeasy Tonight fanfic about how I imagine Neil Season 3 would look like! The visual novel and original story is on the Lovestruck app! This is chapter 5, here’s a link with all the other chapters: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/NeilSeason3Fanfic

Little curiosity notes: Hello, everyone! Thanks for reading my fanfic! This chapter is a bit longer so it’ll be divided in two parts! It covers Problems with Vera, the gang has a new enemy, Hazel coming over and the wedding planning is moving forward! Enjoy! Don’t forget that if you have anything to add, you can always contact me! I always respond to messages!

Candy, My Dear Diary (6/2/20)

Chapter 5- All’s fair in love and war (PART 1)

1926

When I told Uncle Charlie I’d take over the Ice Box for him, I had the common sense to know it’d be dangerous, but I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. How could I know?

Regardless, I did my job. I have faced dangers and sometimes I wasn’t sure if I could do it. But if there’s one thing Poppa told me is that you don’t show that. A leader keeps doing whatever he has to do and he never shows insecurity, he never lets doubt grow in those who depend on him. So even though I wasn’t sure if we were going to beat Vera once more, I’ll be darned if I let her win.

That’s what I was thinking about that morning. Neil and me were wrapped up in last night’s sheets, but at some point I had to get moving. Neil now ate more than me and woke up later than me, so he was still sleeping. I didn’t complain, how many sleepless nights and meals he skipped in the years since the war? He had some catching up to do.

I laid on his bare chest, noticing the details on his face. His brows furrowed in his sleep, his slight frown that made him a cynic even when he was unconscious. Part of me wondered what it was he dreamt about.

I got up, leaving him peacefully and putting on my robe. I arranged his clothes that were thrown on the floor last night on the bed and went down to whip up us some breakfast.

Before I did so I went to get the mail, and surprisingly found a letter from Lucille. I assumed Neil gave her my address in case she wanted to reach him somewhere else, but it startled me that it was addressed to a “Miss Granger”.

I sat on the dinner table opening the letter

Dear MC Granger,

I couldn’t help but feel guilty about how we ended things with you. It was an unfortunate turn of events, and I wanted to be sure to let you know my mother heard her share about it from me. I also wanted to notify you and my brother Neil about the birth of my daughter, Cornelia. I wish to visit you both in Chicago and I’d love for Neil to meet his niece. I’d be delighted if you’d allow me to introduce you as her aunt as well. My mother shall come with me if you accept, she’s ready to make amends. Please reply to my letter as soon as you can and let us know when it is a good time to visit you. I am thrilled to have you as a new addition to our family

Hope to see you soon,

Lucille Branford of Boston”

It was sweet of her to have written me after I stormed out of Boston without even saying goodbye. Lucille was so understanding, too much for her own good. I wrote her back immediately, letting her know I was sorry for disappearing and that I’d love to have her in Chicago next week. Hazel would be here these days, so it was better to separate things for now.

I finished breakfast and was about to wake Neil up when he came down the stairs. I smiled at him for a second. His disheveled hair that was usually in pristine shape and his slightly swollen eyes from having just woken up made me warm inside. We were truly domestic now, all that stood in the way were the days until I walked down the aisle

-Morning, my dear fiancé- I put emphasis on that last part

He chuckled looking at me- You’re in a good mood

-Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve got the most handsome man in the world right in front of me

He gave me a sarcastic smile in response , the one you gave to your mother as a kid when she forced you to be photographed, and it made me laugh- Go throw some water on your face, will ya? You’re giving me the heebie-jeebies- I said running my fingers through his hair to fix it up, after a few seconds I got his attention again- Hey, your sister wrote me

-Lucille?-He looked at me now sitting at the table after washing his face- What did she say?

-She wants to come to Chicago, Cornelia is born. I told her she could stay here for a couple of days next week. She’ll bring your mother and I’m sure her husband will come if Cornelia is

He raised an eyebrow-Are you sure you can handle all that right now? Your schedule is full

-Well, she asked and it’s only for a couple of days, next week Uncle Charlie will still be in Columbus so we’ll have extra rooms. Besides… I was hoping you’d stay here those days to help me out too- I looked at him pleadingly- After all, we need to start planning the wedding. I have to go to a boring temperance meeting this morning and I’m pretty sure Vera is gonna make an appearance at that one, so I’ll be plenty stressed after. Buuut… After that we have appointments at different venues for our wedding and I hired a planner, she’ll talk about some of the decorations and the reception

He sighed, obviously overwhelmed at the amount of stuff I had just said- We should’ve just eloped.

-C’mon, we have to make this a wedding to remember! It’s our only one!-I pouted holding his hands

He looked at me for a few seconds, pondering his options- Fine, fine! I can’t fight against those cow eyes. But there’s something else

-What is it?- I said in bewteen my eating and drinking coffee

-You know my family will make sure they’re all here for the wedding, right?

-Well, I imagined so

-This makes our wedding a high society wedding, and they have their own customs. I’m sure my mother is coming to Chicago because if she couldn’t stop it, she wants to have a say in it

-That’ll make my parents happy as a clam. I’ve never been to any high society weddings, only seen them on the newspapers. They always make such a big deal about them

-Yes, exactly-He continued- I’m bringing up my offer to elope again, because a high society wedding means we’ll be on the newspaper. Both in Chicago because it’s where we’ll marry, and in Boston because it’s where my family is from. It’ll say something like “Boston bachelor snatched: Heir of the Dresners marries sweetheart in Chicago” or something as corny as that

-Nice try, I’m still gonna go ahead with my plans

-It’s your funeral

-No, buster, it’s our wedding!-I went around the table, sitting on his lap- And I’m determined to make it the best wedding Chicago has ever seen

He looked up at me smiling- Then I can’t argue. Once you decide something, trying to get you to change your mind is like trying to take food out of a bulldog’s mouth.

-You’re sleeping with this bulldog

-Don’t say that phrase, ever again- He looked at me incredulously and I couldn’t help but laugh as I leaned in to plant a passionate kiss on his lips

-I love you-I whispered into him

-Yeah, I know- He looked at me with a smirk and I poked at his ribs- Ow! I was just- Ow, stop that! Alright, I love you too, MC- He said and I stopped satisfied

-Alright-I kissed him one more time before getting up- I need to get ready and leave for the temperance meeting. Should I come over to your apartment after? It’d be easier if you just picked me up and we went to the venues together from there, you know?

He agreed he’d pick me up and I made my way to the kitchen, putting the dishes in the sink.

Then I don’t know what came over me, but I started thinking of everything that I had to do. Temperance meeting speeches, Ice Box, deal with Vera Peters, Hazel, Uncle Charlie, Wedding planning… It’s like everything became a spiral of disconcerted thoughts inside my head that made me anxious. I felt this sudden dizziness take over my head. Suddenly the smell of the kitchen was bothering me and I felt like I had to sit down. But before I could do anything it was like my body gave up on me and regurgitated everything I had just eaten into that sink and I coughed everything out.

I stayed there for a few seconds trying to recompose myself. First thought in my head was shallow: “I can’t believe I just puked, that’s gross!”. Then I turned the water on washing it away and grabbing a paper towel wiping my lips

-MC?- Neil stood leaned on the doorway, a worried look on his face

-Ugh… You didn’t just watch that, did you?

-No… But I heard it- This time he walked towards me as a filled a cup with water

-Don’t drink all that. Just a sip. You shouldn’t drink or eat much for the next few hours- He started taking care of the dishes himself- Sit down

I did as he told me- I must’ve drank too much yesterday- my eyes itched

-I don’t think that’s it-He washed our plates- You have a habit of working until you can’t handle it anymore. You did it a few months ago when you passed out due to exhaustion- He turned to me once he was done- And you’ve been working and working nonstop and Cleo mentioned you were tired last night. Throwing up is also a sign of overworking… Means your body is overwhelmed, MC- He walked towards me, kneeling down and touching my knees gently- Which means: Take care of yourself. That advice is not only for Charlie, either. If you don’t want me holding you captive again- He joked around- Take it easy.

I sighed and then nodded- Alright, doctor. I’ll take it easy

After I promised Neil I’d watch myself, I dressed up and took a cab to the most stressful event of all: Temperance meetings with Vera. She wasn’t showing up to them in a while but I knew that getting married to Mayor Adler would bring her enough courage to show her face again. And right I was. I sat down in one of the couches as she rose to speak to everyone

Vera still had that charm about her. The same grace in her movements, the same poise in her manners. The finesse present in her clothes and her cakes that made people roll their eyes with pleasure, everything was there to gain the hearts of the temperance people back. She was the same elegance as before. However, her piercing eyes told a different story, one everyone was unaware of but me. Vera Peters lived to rule and to ruin, she had the mind of a dictator. In other circumstances I would’ve admired a strong woman, but strong doesn’t always mean good. In Vera’s case it meant havoc.

-Dear Temperance comrades- She started and I already wanted to throw up again- As you know I have discovered that my former husband was involved in criminal activities and directly entangled with the infamous mob boss O’Sullivan. As reported, they are both in jail now where they should be- In her words I could see the lack of loyalty, the deception, the cruelty. Even so, I used to be as blind to it as everybody else in this room- …And I of course, have divorced Peters. I had no idea of his vices and the crimes he committed- Lies, just lies! I just want to call her out- And have now found a partner that shares my drive in the temperance movement, former Prohibition officer and mayor of Chicago: Richard Adler. I will forever support our cause and we will raise again, together- She looked at me this time, glaring with a wicked smile- Every time someone tries to put us down.

As expected, by the end of the temperance meeting everyone was greeting Vera Peters, now Vera Adler and talking about how sorry they were she had to go through all that and how strong she was. I stayed away from the action or I’d puke again on her face. However, Vera seemed to be one of those people who wanted to have everyone under her spell, and she knew I wasn’t in on it. So she came on walking right towards me with her band of loyal followers

-Miss Granger, I hear congratulations are in order-She spoke in that voice that made me want to eat up lead- You’re engaged to that handsome doctor of yours. It’s such a noble profession- She said teasing me, since she researched Neil’s past and knew of his morphine addiction

-Thanks, Vera- I said in that fake friendly tone- I must congratulate you as well on your marriage to Mayor Adler- I hated the fact I had to go back to being civil with her

She smiled even more, since she knew I wanted her to be everything but the Mayor’s wife. Ditch one Mayor and go to the next one… She’s like a Black Mayor Widow- Oh thanks, dear! Won’t you eat one of my cakes?

-I can’t. I’m sick, shouldn’t eat much. Doctors’ orders-I smiled so no one would notice how much I wanted to slug her in the face if I could

-That’s a shame, dear. I hope I can convince you to tea after this?- She played her move.

That was the last thing I wanted. She was smart, if I refused again with no excuse it’d make me look bad and less respectable. Lucky for me I had a perfect excuse- I’d really love to some other time, Vera. But you got me at a bad time. After this, me and my fiancé have appointments with our wedding planner. See, we have so much to do!- I tried to put on my best upper-crust action- Then we have family from other states coming to visit. It’s a busy time for me

-You should hurry up the wedding if you’re already feeling sick… No respectable lady should be with child out of wedlock- She smiled and her friends all gasped with the gossip

That witch! She knew that wasn’t the case, she just used my indisposition to make me look bad. I almost slapped her face right then and right there, but she looked back at me as if she said “I dare you”, so I breathed profoundly and smile at her again- You should be more careful with misleading gossip, Mrs. Adler. I’m not expecting

-It must be the extra weight then, I’m sorry dear!-She laughed like we were old pals.

As if he had read my thoughts, Neil pulled up to the house- Oh look, my ride is here. Until next time, Vera Adler.

-Oh yes, we’ll see each other very soon-She said before I left

When I got into the car I just threw myself on the seat sighing

-That bad, huh?-Neil asked driving

-I might puke again, all over your car- I said dramatically

-It’ll be a cold day in hell when I let that happen! Roll down your window!

I did as he asked. I wasn’t really going to be sick, but the air felt good on my face-Well, to the church then-I pointed forward

Once we were there I looked around. It was a huge church, taller than everything in Columbus. I bet it could fit everyone we knew there and then some. I walked around in red carpet, tried to imagine myself walking down it and see Neil there, waiting for me at the end

-Don’t like it?-He asked seeing my reaction

-Do you?-I looked at him, my arm tucked in his

-To be honest I’m not good at deciding this stuff. I was just gonna go with whatever you thought was good- He shrugged- As long as it’s you walking up to me, it doesn’t really matter where it happens

I smiled. He could be sweet when he wanted

-But- Neil continued- I know women do imagine this moment more than us and I’m sure you have an idea of what you want. So if it doesn’t feel right, then it’s not the place

-Yes, I guess so. Thanks, Neil

With that I knew that wasn’t it. It’d probably satisfy both of Neil’s family and mine. However, that day wasn’t about them, it was about me and Neil. I just had to go with my instincts.

Along the way there was a chapel that I liked the most. I thought about it for a while and I could imagine everything in it. I could see the car parking in front of it. The stairs that led up to its doors. It was built out of wood, but it was entirely white. It had beautiful pink and salmon roses on the outside. The inside was a caramel color, the seats were brown, in a traditional church fashion. The sides of the seats were decorated with the same roses as the outside. The big windows left everything naturally lit and the red carpet led to the altar, where I could see Neil standing, waiting to take my hand. For convenience, it was big and charming enough so our families wouldn’t be opposed, but not so extravagant that I felt scared by it.

-What do you think?-I asked him

-It seems to be away from all the action of the city. Closer to the residential area, not likely we’ll be hearing any disturbances from the outside. If you like it, then I’m all for it

-Well, that’s ducky, because I think it’s the bee’s knees!

I did want to wait until the cold was mostly over so we settled for a date in early May. About five and a half months from now. Seemed enough time to do everything without worrying everyone about taking too long. Since we had a venue and a date, the rest of the planning would rest on the reception, invitations and dresses, tuxedos and fitting. Seeing it coming along was really exciting

We were driving to La Salle station to pick my little sister Hazel up and I decided to strike up a conversation

-Did you go through this before, you know, the wedding planning… With Lillie?-I looked at him

He seemed pensive for a moment- No, not really. Our families were traditional, they always told me how much of a great girl she was and I went along with it. I met her and she seemed nice enough. Lucille loved her, it’s her best friend, and you see she made Lillie the godmother. Then there’s Alton who never said much about it, but didn’t seem opposed to the idea. I trusted their judgment better than anyone else. When we enlisted in the war I was convinced I wanted to marry her so I proposed. This way when I came back she’d be waiting for me. So I was really in France while they planned everything. They wanted me to marry her as soon as I came back but you knew how in shambles I was. So I convinced them to wait until I was done with Med school… And then I left. So, no… I wasn’t really involved in it

It seemed dark and gloomy. Most things with Neil seemed that way- Do you like being involved in it?

He chuckled- I can’t say party planning is my calling. But… I can’t say I hate it either- He smiled at me in a comforting way

Once we were at the station, my sister waited with a small bag for us, she recognized Neil in the driver’s seat and got in the back of the car- There’s so many people over here- That was the first thing she said

-Well, hello to you too-I answered

-Hey MC, hey doc- Hazel said

-You didn’t bring any of the heroin with you, did you?-Neil asked

-No, it’s just like you said-She replied

-Good, it’ll be harder that way, but you’ll sweat yourself off it- Neil was not one to calm anybody’s nerves or sugarcoat anything- I was thinking of taking her to the infirmary but, I think she’ll be better around someone familiar.

-Of course she can stay at Uncle Charlie’s- I turned around to face her- By the way, Hazel, how is Uncle Charlie?

-Old- She said- And he and Poppa stay the whole night talking and playing poker and when they wake up in the morning, they go into the woods to hunt or fish or whatever. Can’t pull ‘em apart. Even Momma’s been around him. I mean, they all grew up together

It was nice to know he was doing fine- That’s good. I told him he needed a vacation from the store and let me watch over it

-Yea… Hey doc, how does this work? This whole getting off the dynamite thing?

-Simple. In about 24 to 48 hours you’re going to want to die. You’ll sweat, feel pain, won’t be able to control your movements, you’ll probably cry, throw up, it’ll feel like all your bones are being shattered at the same time… Then after that it gets better.

-Sounds perfect- She said sarcastically

-After the initial stress, we’ll send you back to Columbus. I’ve got a contact in Cincinnati who agreed to come up to Columbus, owed me a favor. From there he’ll take it over for us. Just play it out like you’re going out with the man.

-Yea, then my parents will send her to a convent for going out with two fellas at the same time- I added

-Teddy Denby? I dumped him. You were right, he’s a bust

I laughed, not surprised- I was there once too, sister.

And for the next few days the only eventuality that took place was what Neil called detox. The good side was that Neil stayed over at Uncle Charlie’s with the both of us. The bad side was that Hazel did feel like she was going to die like Neil said, and she looked like it too. I never heard her cry so much in my life.

I didn’t mention anything to Neil though, I trusted him enough to know that he knew what he was doing. Not just because he was a doctor, but because he went through something similar.

It had been five days since she had been there with us. I hadn’t gone to the Ice Box much and neither had Neil, but I had to wait until Hazel was home to update myself on hurricane Vera. On that fifth day though, Hazel had stopped crying. It seemed like most of the physical symptoms faded or were almost completely fading away. Neil said something about having to continue the process, but that the worst was over, however the cravings or long-lasting effects would be there, so that’s what the contact, I’m assuming another doctor, from Cincinnati was for.

I was sitting on the bed with her that day when she said- I think I might be carrying a torch for him, MC- She faced me- Will you cancel your wedding?

I laughed. She probably had a little crush but I knew she was pulling my leg- Hands off! I worked hard for it!- I hesitated about saying the next part, but said it anyway- By the way, it’s not unusual for a patient to develop a crush on her doctor. Psychiatrists call it transference!- I imitated Neil’s tone of voice

-I think you’re spending too much time with him

-You noticed we’re getting married, right?-I laughed with her and updated Hazel on the upcoming plans of the marriage from then on.

I gave her a letter to give to Momma for everyone and then a separate one to Uncle Charlie. Before she went home I made her swear she would follow up with the plan and stay clean, watch out for herself and cooperate. Her treatment was long from over but it seemed Neil had started it well.

Once we dropped her off at La Salle station I turned to him- Did you flirt with her?- I asked as a joke

-I am the flirting type- He teased back- Besides, I couldn’t resist her vomiting, diarrhea and the excessive sweating. My type of girl

I laughed, feeling wrong about it a few seconds after- You are one inappropriate son of a gun

-You laughed anyway-He got into the car and I followed him

-Thanks, Neil… For doing that

-I didn’t do much to be honest- He started to drive- Just got her through the initial stages of it. She’s still going to feel everything, just not in the same intensity

-Well, I imagine the beginning is the worst, just take the gratitude, will ya?

He smiled, softly- You’re welcome

After that I decided it was time to go back to the Ice Box. I needed updates on how everything was going, so I scheduled a meeting. Everyone had a few days to work on everything, so it seemed like the right time

-Alright-I said looking at Gerald- How’s everything going at The Broiler?

-We’re being friendly with each other. I can’t rush it but… I gave her the impression I was amazed at her skills and thought she had a good business head and gave tips, so she thinks I’m warming up to the idea- He sighed- And we shared a few drinks, got a date tomorrow- He blushed, obviously hating his role in all this

-Ooo… Excited, Gerry?- Vince teased and O’Fallon turned even more red, I just didn’t know if it was out of embarrassment or anger

-Can it, Vince!-I glared at him, then turned my attention to Gerald again- You’ll just have to keep at it. The sooner she trusts you the sooner we’ll be rid of her

-I know, I just hope it works-He said frustrated with Vince’s comment

-It will. Anyone have anything to add?

Vince started- Oh, those documents you wanted me to find at O’Sullivans warehouse… They’re not there. Nothing there incriminates the Broiler from what I can see

Cliff followed- How do we know if she’s just saying all that and in reality she’s got nothing?

-No- Gerald said- She has documents. Waived them right in front of me, they exist.

-Alright-I said next- Vera invited me for tea and I refused, maybe if I accept next time she’ll take me to her house. I could try snoop around a bit

-Don’t think she’ll let you out of her sight- Cliff said

-Well, I’m going to try anyway. If it doesn’t work we’ll just have to try something else

And so the plan unfolded. Vera Peters did invite me for tea the next time I was at the temperance meeting again. She wanted something for being so insistent, and so did I

When I went into her house though, it wasn’t what I was expecting. A white mansion stood before my eyes, and the biggest living room I had ever seen in shades of green expanded its way in an unquantifiable immensity. Mayor Adler sure had a deep pocket. Her servants set the table and Vera waited, a cup in her hand and her legs crossed. She didn’t get up or greet me, she just kept looking and motioned the cup towards the other seat. I made my way sitting across her. A silence took over for a second as she flipped a page on her magazine. I didn’t take her for a magazine kind of woman, but it seemed like it was on purpose.

After she ignored my presence for a few minutes, I started talking- You invite me for tea, have the table set. Why exactly am I here for, Vera?

-My name is Mrs. Adler, wife to the mayor- She gave herself the title- And you shall refer to me as such

I almost laughed, but I had to hold it in. It seemed like she had called me here to institutionalize fear and respect. I thought at first it was because she wanted me to treat her like the other ladies at the temperance meetings did. But then I realize she didn’t see me that way. It gave me a bit of satisfaction to realize she wanted my respect as a business woman, as a gang leader. She had Gerald’s and now she sat me down, trying to force her way into my head

Vera was danger, alright. I knew I had to play just the same game as her as I did before. The problem is: Was I smarter than her? I urged myself to think, what’s the best thing to do here?

I breathed in and out recomposing myself-Alright, Mrs. Adler. What is it you want?

-I want what I first offered you a month ago, MC-She sipped her tea- I want to have you under my wing, do as I say

-What makes you think I’ll do what you say?

-I don’t know if you’ve heard but I got control of The Broiler recently

-I did hear some rumors you’ve been hanging around there-I crossed my legs sipping my tea- But what makes you think we’re as stupid as everyone in O’Sullivan’s gang?

-On the contrary, you’re smarter. I appreciate a woman with a head for business. However, my husband has documents in his office I handed to him incriminating Charles Granger as a mob boss and your sweet fiancé’s illegal medicine practices, with the addition that he’s still using morphine. Of course I added that myself- If I could I would jump on her right now- The only reason why an arrest warrant hasn’t been issued yet is because I told him not to, but the moment you stop cooperating with me they’ll be wearing stripes.

I glared at her in fury, she had the upper hand for sure, but in me I knew we already had a plan against her. I was confident enough, but I needed Charlie and Neil to be safe. So I remembered all my acting classes from Elliot and Sofia’s classes on deception and I looked at her- Alright,Ve- I stopped for a second- Mrs. Adler- I saw her smile of satisfaction. It’d be good for us if she thought we had nothing on her

-I’ll call you for tea next week again. I have grand ideas for the Ice Box- She smiled- Now I’m done with you for the day. You can find your wait out, right?

I left in a hurry, made a bit of scene too, might convince her I lost. I slipped into the Studebaker and drove away. However, I stopped in the corner. I know I needed to get her out of the house to snoop around. Which is why Officer Gallagher would call her for a meeting with the coppers, since Sofia found out Mayor Adler would be there. After, I knew her plans were dinner with a certain Irish fella.

Soon enough, she was being driven away from the mansion. Knowing my ways inside the big house and having my trusty pins in hand, it wasn’t hard to slip into the house and start going from rooms to rooms as I needed. There were so many, it took me a while to find one interesting locked room. I picked the lock and when I opened I realized it was an office. It was definitely Adler’s.

I looked around and soon there it was. Incriminating documents. Not just about The Broiler, Neil, Uncle Charlie or even the whole Ice Box. But documents about everything and everyone in Chicago and what they had done. Mayor Adler was definitely a worse option than Mayor Peters. Vera wasn’t the only problem, Adler was a maniac. I grabbed what I needed about the Ice Box and hit it in the concealed holster under my leg. Then, I couldn’t stop snooping around to see if there was anything that compromised anyone else I cared about. Looking about documents on The Broiler kind of fell on the side

Adler was bonkers, that was the best word to describe it. I found pictures, pictures of ladies and flappers in compromising situations. Documents signed unwillingly, creepy telegrams about the people he’d controlled and those who he couldn’t so they were dead. Donovan said he’d kill for his family, but that’s too generous for Adler. He’d kill anyone he wanted if it suited him.

I backed away from everything. The energy of that office soon suffocated me. If I didn’t leave I felt like I could be sick again just from all that. I breathed more heavily before leaving the office, locking it again and soon making my way down the stairs. Once I got to the middle of the immense living room the front door suddenly opened to reveal the man itself.

Mayor Adler

____

Link to part 2: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/post/619859613321494528/chapter-5-alls-fair-in-love-and-war-part

[twistednuns]

November 2019

A spontaneous overnight trip to Salzburg with Lexi. The Austrian supermarket. Peach toilet paper. Way too many calories (Kaspressknödel, Spinatknödel, meringue with whipped cream...), a spa night at our hotel (sauna, steam bath, watching the neighbours in their fancy penthouse, selfie session with fruit), crisp sheets, the BEST Sunday breakfast, interesting exhibitions at the modern museum (items dipped in the Dead Sea so they'd crystalise; art to commemorate the moon landing).

Watching Un plus une with Jean Dujardin. It's set in India. They filmed in some of the exact spots I visited, too. Weirdly triggering. I loved learning about Amma, too. And the female lead in that moving is fascinating, too.

Alice Boman - Waiting / an old favourite I came across in Toni Collette's Wanderlust television series.

Combining sweet and savoury taste. The best snacks. Like my Nidar Smash substitute: eat some Bugles and a piece of milk chocolate at the same time. Basically the same thing. But obviously I appreciated the two bags Lena and Obi brought me from Norway!

A plant order from the Netherlands. Syngonium Clavinervium and Dragon Scale. I hope they won't die on me.

Lemon cola / apple flavoured lollies.

Taking a really good train selfie. And a second one using a butterfly wing lash filter. Gorgeous.

A sleepover at Lexi's place in Freising. Taking a long walk, trying to find mushrooms. Taking pictures of the sunset, walking along the river. A playground. Slipping in the mud with white trainers. Semmelknödel and creamy mushrooms at Huber Weisse. Pizza date. Sunday breakfast. King of Tokyo. Oh, and the Unstable Unicorns!

Borrowing the first Buffy seasons from Yanic.

Early morning subway thoughts at Odeonsplatz: "Gerade stieg ein Mann mit Weintrauben und Panzertape in die Ubahn. Ganz nach meinem Geschmack. Ein Romananfang?"

Schafkopf. Online via phone app and offline - with Lena, Obi and Frank at an actual Wirtshaus in Schwanthalerhöhe. I lost but gosh, I love card games.

First place at the pub quiz! For the first time ever. We won 167€... Well, the picture round was on celebrity cats so go figure. I love being the Natural 20s' substitute player.

Burlesque Night with Margit at Drehleiher (That unicorn costume? The Doomsday Stripper? Aurora Galore? OMG.) and late night shopping at Ostbahnhof dm.

Tapping on the unopened NYX opalescent jelly tub. Nice ASMR sounds.

Learning about tropical circles.

A super luminous sunrise on morning in all shades of yellow, orange, pink and red.

An extra big cup of unsweetened, chilled coffee to go. And the 1€ coffee they sell at my subway stop. I don't know what makes it so tasty. I've even started bringing my reusable mug again.

Listening to Loredana - a tip from my students; that's Deutschrap I can actually listen to. Occasionally...

Making a list with ten recommendations for female authors #autorinnenschuber

Finally responding to Lena's letter. Eight handwritten pages in red ink. Dramatic.

The scenes with the Twisted Sisters in Macbeth, as usual. This time in a graphic novel.

Reading about climate change, diet, toxic masculinity, consent.

Plum Tuxedo lipstick. A green cardigan. The Buffy T-shirt. A new necklace from &otherstories.

Opening a new box of coloured pencils. So pointy. Still in rainbow formation. Yesss.

Playing DrawSomething with Lexi. She's really good at spot-on verbal and visual communication, especially when it comes to out-of-the-box thinking.

Sweet and savoury waffles at bean batter with Lena.

Memes. Talking cat videos.

Being so engrossed in a trashy YA book (the Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy...) that I missed my stop one morning on my way to school.

TEDxTUM - unfortunately not as interesting as it could and should have been. They addressed important topics but they only talked about the surface of the issues and frankly I just didn't like most of the speakers. Still a really great opportunity to learn about new ideas. I talked to the woman who works with mental health issues; perhaps we can get her to work for PI Munich to offer teacher training there.

Marks recommending The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle to me. He's 16. He actually read a book. That book. Ha.

Sash making pasta, bruschetta and sugared lemony oranges for us as a b-day dinner. Lena and Obi picking me up because #MVVapocalypse

Frank trying to cheer me up by inviting me over to bake cookies and drink spiked tea (I actually had spiked cocoa with rum). Which didn't entirely help and didn't prevent me from being a bitch either but was a nice enough gesture.

Discussing important stuff with Jonathan. Real talk about being a victim of one's own feelings. Him opening up about that was actually quite nice because I often feel like I'm the only one having issues. Oh and I met his wife and son and he even showed me his apartment before we went to the workshop together.

Cooking, baking, making. Crisp bread, salad bowls, banana bread. Eating more greens, less trash. Shopping at the health food store more often. Actually lighting a candle (and almost burning down the house when I accidentally threw a piece of paper over the candle). Starting with yoga again, slowly. I feel so immobile and stiff. It's kinda scary how quickly your body loses its form and shape when you're having a hard time.

Having a super bad day (too much coffee on an empty stomach triggers my beast mode), being super depressed, lying awake at 2am. Starting to sing along to songs from the Grinch movie. So there IS something I still feel passionate about. My green spirit animal!