#VERY LONG POST I APOLOGIZE...

[gotchibam]

Shiny Masquerain & Shiny Aggron ko-fi doodle for cyrus!

[cecoeur]

How do you sleep at night? No one to hide behind Betrayed every alibi you had You had every chance to make amends instead you got drunk on bitterness And you still claim that you're innocent, it's sad

[clownsuu]

Mini psa:

Please stop comparing my au to a preexisting au in the undertale fandom-- it's getting really tiresome and frustrating to constantly be compared to it

[doodleodds]

An "Akechi in a nurse outfit w/ some shuake" comm for @edenfire! (I'm sorry if this isn't what you were looking for lol but this is just what came to mind ^^;) AND I'M NOT DEAD I PROMISE- I HAVEN'T STOLEN YOUR MONEY AND RAN!! I am sorry this took so long to get to you though. My job got very busy recently with school starting up and I just kept coming home too drained to do anything but sleep. But we're back on it now!!! There's a bonus below the cut since this is.... two weeks late, oh god:

So when i initially started this drawing i was like "hm are there any nurse outfits in cannon" and i was like "you know what. I bet Maruki had some nurses that were shadows." and that lead to this! It's not polished AT ALL because i was drawing it for fun, initially, and then the sunk cost fallacy kicked in and i had to finish it to include in the post because it'd already taken me a hot minute to get to you + i'd spent too much time goofing off drawing this to just post your thing with no explanation aside from work, so. Here!

(Whats that saying about falling in love with sirens? Make sure they're saying “I love you” and not “you love me?”)

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I think for all the discussions we have of "everyone hears the jokes and the piano; after that, they stop listening" surrounding Louis, we tend to still simplify his connection to the piano.

Yes, it's very cute that he sings Clementine a little song when they first meet, and it's very cute that he plays a little prank on her while "tuning" the piano. It's super cute that they carve their initials into the piano and Clementine carves a heart around them. It's mega cute that he names his song he wrote after her when she confesses her feelings. Louis playing Don't Be Afraid at the party is, in my opinion, one of the best moments in all of TFS.

But here's the thing: That piano is Louis' heart.

I don't mean to go all metaphorical on you, but I'm dead serious—the piano is Louis' heart, and when you think about his arc and his romance route with that in mind...?

That piano is his one comfort in a world where the dead walk. It's been with him from the beginning of the outbreak. We know from his backstory that Louis wanted to take singing lessons so he could be a real musician, and his father denying him of that was what set him off to be a "vindictive fuckhead." Louis never got those singing lessons, and it's a very real possibility that Louis taught himself how to play.

Sure, others could've taught him; we know Minerva was musically talented, perhaps she showed him a thing or two. But learning piano, or any instrument, is brutal even with professional guidance. It takes hours of practice until numbness wears fingertips raw; dedication to memorize every key and finger placement to make music pleasing to the ear; self-discipline to keep going through every fumble, every failure, every single cruel thought of self-doubt; intelligence and a creative ear to write his own songs.

And yet, it's severely under-appreciated by everyone. It's annoying. It's distracting. It's unimportant. It's an excuse for Louis to mess around and not do any real work. He doesn't have any actual talent. The music and the piano are brushed off, unheard.

Yet, Louis keeps playing. He keeps singing. He keeps making jokes.

Creating music, the one thing he wanted so badly as a kid that he destroyed his parents marriage, was possibly the greatest comfort he had... a welcome distraction to disassociate from the horror and death happening around him.

It's bittersweet, like a purpling bruise that you can't stop pressing on; it hurts, but there's something else below the pain. The piano is out of tune and it's something that brings him joy... but will always act as a constant reminder of who he was and what he did, why he's at Ericson to begin with.

We first meet him while he's playing; Louis' heart is exposed, but is it really? Is he playing to his true potential? Louis hides behind the mask of a charming, charismatic goof. It's what is expected of him, so he plays a silly song intended to poke and prod at Clementine, to gauge a reaction. That's something we see him do at multiple points in episode one. In fact, we can consider a majority of episode one to be like the song he's playing when we meet him; it's mostly cheery or fast-paced.

Louis is able to soothe AJ with his "alluring" music after the kid bit Ruby is an indication that the two of them will share a bond. Louis is a natural at communicating and bonding with the younger kids [another talent that's overlooked] so it's interesting that he praises AJ for being a natural at piano, as well.

But the song stutters just a bit when Louis and Clementine are in the woods together, though; "There's only one guarantee: this moment. That's the only you got, only thing any of us got. Might as well enjoy it." ...Only for Louis to compose himself and send her away.

It's only when Clementine has a gun in her face, held by Marlon, that the music isn't fun anymore; it's rainfall and thunder and the words "I thought you were more than that" sung through the wind in a melody only Louis can hear.

Then Marlon's dead. The song is over, and reality has arrived.

I've talked at length about Louis in ep2 and his vote in the past. It's one of the most compelling things about Louis' arc and romantic route. It's a tragic mistake driven by trauma and guilt. It's people simultaneously telling him to shut up and telling him to be angrier than he is. Telling him to stop burying his head in the sand when he's never been more aware of everything happening. It's AJ peering up at him with pleading eyes that Louis can't stand to look at. It's Clementine wrapping his heartstrings around her fingers and tugging just enough to hurt, but not break.

Louis missed Clementine. He says as much when Clementine admits she missed him first. I don't even know where to begin with that! I can think of no other way to describe it other than they are half agony, half hope over this... and if you get that reference, you get a gold star. I just- the ache, the tension, the conflicting feelings of finally having a quiet moment to talk but Louis not being ready yet.

Y'know how someone carved "you suck at playing" in the side of the piano? It's something you might not initially notice while playing the game, just as Louis' insecurities aren't apparent at first.. but they're carved in him; never fully healed, still scabbed and bleeding... Until Clementine offers him a bandage.

She won't clean the wound for him, but she'll be there. She'll help him figure out how to do it himself so he can heal. She'll listen to him, not belittle his feelings or pain. She'll make an effort to know his keys and notes and practice playing his song until she understands.

When Clementine chooses him to spend time with him, it's a mirror of their first time meeting... but this time, Louis plays something real: a song he wrote, one that I believe he crafted during the two week time skip... a song he wrote with Clementine on his mind, for better or worse.

If the piano is Louis' heart, he literally asks her to sit there and try to tune it, which ends up being a joke but I say she's already tuned your heart, my guy. It's there before them, changed in the warm candlelight. He plays for her and opens up about how no one actually listens, but Clementine did.

And remember, this is the night of the raid. They don't know it's coming, but they know it'll be soon. Louis understands that he could very well die, so what does he do? He carves his initial into the one thing he's always had, and he asks Clementine to do the same.

I'm sorry, how are we NOT more feral about this? Prior to this scene, the only thing we see carved into the piano, into Louis' heart, is an insult. This thing that Louis cares so deeply about, this instrument that's become so intertwined with who he is... he wants to leave his mark on it just in case he dies. A reminder that it was his and he belonged to it just as much. Something so important, and he asks Clementine to carve herself into his heart where no matter what, they will be immortalized together in this moment.

And when Clementine carves a heart around their initials? Yes, his reaction is very cute and that's great... but she's not ashamed of him, or her feelings for him. She wants everyone who looks upon his heart to know that. She tells him how she feels and Louis is so giddy, and warm, and he names the song after her and I am going to start biting anything that moves, I can't-

Oh, and let's discuss the party scene in episode three, shall we? Y'know, where the heart covered initials are on full display? Where Louis tells the story of why he was sent to Ericson to everyone?

Louis is so... vulnerable. Sincere. Ashamed of what he did. This is the exposed nerve, the one he was so afraid of showing Clementine but there it is... and she doesn't reject him. Sure, she can say it's fucked up if you choose to, but she doesn't break up with him over it.

Also the fact that everyone sitting around him finally listens when he's at his most unshielded only for Tenn to ask him to play Don't Be Afraid for them after...? How do you not see the connection? Are you trying to make me cry? In that moment, Louis' heart was heard and appreciated and beautiful and strong and-

Listen. I am fine. I'm so normal about this. And fine. I'm fine.

But I also have to add that during the walk in episode four, if you let Louis choose what to add to the imaginary house, he picks a brand new piano because he wants a new heart to reflect the confidence and growth Clementine helped him achieve and because he loves her and AJ so much that wants the new heart to not just be his but also theirs and I am so fine with this, okay.

[insipid-drivel]

Toxins, Venom, and Poisons in Historical Western Medicine: How Are We Not Extinct From Doing Some Of This To Ourselves?

This piece is an involuntary piece inspired by @writing-with-sophia's awesome post "Poison list", which is an accurate and succinct list of commonly known (and ancient!) poisons, venoms, and toxins that have been and were used for causing poisoning in ancient and recent history. I wanted to write this because what struck me by their post crossing my dash was, the sheer number of poisons listed that were - and even still are - used as mainstays for healthcare around the world throughout the ages!

OBLIGATORY DON'T BE A DUMBASS PSA: If you're planning on incorporating these poisons into your HISTORICAL-era writing, it's also important to remember that many of them were used for medicinal purposes at one time, too, and it's great you're interested in learning about the subject! And also, you shouldn't try ANY of these! I will not tell you how to do it at home if you DM me, so don't! You are not appropriately trained to do it! You will harm or kill yourself and possibly your loved ones if you fuck around with any of these and it will be 100% your fault and you absolutely should feel bad bout it! I've seen some of you idiots believe 4chan posts about making home-grown crystals using recipes for actual mustard gas and seen you being wheeled into the ER on the news! I will not feel bad if you get yourself hurt if you screw around with any of these plants, elements, or animals!

Resource blog plugs and PSA over, now for the Hilariously Poisonous Medicines:

If you're writing something that's meant to take place prior to the advent of our more modern understanding of poisons, venoms, and toxins, factoring in "this is toxic to me NOW, but what about 500 years ago?" can add a lot of opportunities for interesting plot elements to your story.

These can include someone accidentally poisoning themselves with a toxic drug or substance that wouldn't have killed them if they'd handled it properly - like tansy? Grows all over the place in Europe and England? That'll kill you if you harvest it too late in the season, but it's good for intestinal parasites when it's harvested early in the year and processed right.

Did the lady's maid really kill her mistress with belladonna? Or was she trying to secretly help her mistress get rid of an unwanted pregnancy?

The protagonist's children can't survive to make it to weaning age! Is the wetnurse a poisoner, or does the milkman hide that he sells sour milk by pouring Borax into it so no one could taste it and has no idea he's killing his clients' babies?

Nuance and cultural mores regarding historical views about poisons and toxins can make writing even more fun, dynamic, and interesting! Explore 'em!

Just... please don't try any of this crap yourself. You will poison yourself, it will hurt, you will die, and you will hurt the entire time you're dying. Using OP's master list alone, here's the flip side of these lethal beasts through the eyes of our distant ancestors who believed illness was caused by "vapors", "bad air", and "imbalanced humors":

Hemlock:

Used across multiple different cultures in history. When properly administered to treat a disease, poison hemlock was used to treat asthma, whooping cough, bronchitis, joint/bone pain, muscle cramps, and insomnia. Hemlock was most often used as a sedative and antispasmodic.

Arsenic:

Arsenic is a heavy metal, and so has been used in everything from making specialty dyes for wallpapers (Scheele's green is the most infamous arsenic-based paint; Queen Victoria once had a guestroom in her palace redone with Scheele's green wallpaper. The first dignitary to stay there had to be carried out and taken to emergency care after breathing astronomical amounts of arsenic dust from the wallpaper's paint), to medicine. Arsenic was especially commonly used in history to treat skin ailments ranging from acne, to psoriasis, to syphilis sores. It was also sometimes prescribed for menstrual cramps, upset stomachs, colic, and arthritis, among many, many other things.

Cyanide:

Uh... I have literally never found any evidence of cyanide in medicine, outside of its use in modern medicine as part of certain chemical lab tests for measuring urine ketone bodies that involve no contact with a patient whatsoever. Cyanide literally works in less than a few seconds to render your entire body incapable of absorbing OR using oxygen in your lungs or already existing in your blood. Cyanide is really only good at making things that breathe not breathe anymore.

Nightshade:

There are a lot of different "nightshades", so being specific is essential here. Potatoes are nightshades. Tomatoes are nightshades. Calling anything a "nightshade" does not inherently mean it's lethally toxic. Belladonna is probably the most notorious of the "deadly" nightshades, but to this day, is still used medicinally, and would actually be seen as a health and cosmetic mainstay in historical fiction, especially if your setting is in Italy!

Belladonna is an Italian portmanteau for "beautiful woman", because tinctures (water-based drops) of belladonna were commonly used by Italian women as eyedrops to dilate their eyes and appear more attractive, aroused, and desirable. Today, belladonna's eye-dilating effects are still used by optometrists to dilate the pupils! Belladonna has been, and still sometimes is used as an NSAID, general painkiller, motion sickness treatment, asthma medication, and even as a treatment for IBS.

Ricin:

As OP said, Ricin is derived from the toxin found in Castor Beans, and is surprisingly new as an official "the only reason this is made is to make someone dead" poison. Not only is ricin a popular "nobody would think to test for this!" choice in mystery/thriller writing, but it has been used for political assassinations in real life before. Georgi Markov, a Bulgarian anti-Communist dissenter and writer, was killed in 1978 with a 1.7mm diameter ricin-coated pellet shot into his thigh muscle by an unidentified assailant using a modified umbrella as a gun. He died 4 days later.

Historically, castor OIL has been used for medicinal purposes, especially for treating constipation, inducing labor in pregnancy, and as a topical skin moisturizer. If you've ever watched the opening scene in Disney's "Peter Pan", when the childrens' mother is trying to give them a spoonful of medicine each, she's actually giving them castor oil! Castor oil tastes really bad (so much so that flavorings like cinnamon were often added to try to muffle the taste), so the childrens' reluctance and disgust at their mom making them take their medicine is very realistic for the era the movie came out in!

Strychnine:

Another lethal poison that started life as a medicine/food additive. Strychnine is no longer used medicinally at all today, but historically, it was used to stimulate the heart, treat bladder and bowel incontinence, and limb palsy. Strychnine is a deadly-powerful muscle stimulant that, as a poison, causes horrifyingly painful full-body strictures (spasms) and destroys the cardiovascular system. (Fun fact: Strychnine and hydrochloric acid were historically mixed into cheap vodka to make knock-off gin, especially during the Georgian Era in England if the brewer didn't have or couldn't afford juniper berries!)

Snake Venom:

Seriously, do your research before you write an actual, real snake species using venom they don't produce! The Big 3 Forms Of Snake Venom are: Hemotoxic, Neurotoxic, and Cytotoxic. Specific snake species exclusively generate the same kind of venom (so a hemotoxic snake will ALWAYS produce baby snakes that also make hemotoxic venom). Aristotle himself wrote in 380 BC that certain snake venoms could be applied for treating fevers, smallpox, and leprosy, and there is even some evidence in the historical record prior to the 1800s that different cultures have experimented throughout the eons with using venom for converting into antivenom, but I've never found a source citing anyone making a successful form of antivenom until around the 1850s.

Digitalis:

OP really nailed the important thing about Digitalis, and that is it's cardiac benefits for certain people - particularly for treating congestive heart failure. Vincent van Gogh was actually prescribed epilepsy medication that likely contained Digitalis, aka Foxglove, and there are some prevailing theories about van Gogh's love of bright yellow paint as being either caused or exacerbated by the symptoms associated with digitalis use, which can cause an attraction to and increased visual sensitivity to the color yellow. In several portraits, including one of his own psychiatrist, van Gogh shows subjects presented alongside foxglove flowers. Digitalis is absolutely lethal if consumed or taken without expert guidance, however, because it's the mother ingredient of Digoxin. Digoxin isn't used as frequently as it used to be a few decades ago, but it's still used and prescribed today for certain forms of heart failure and heart disease. Digoxin was also, at one time, was also sometimes used to induce chemical abortions.

Lead:

Dear god, lead. Not only is it so slow to kill you that you'll think that the only way to manage your symptoms is with more lead, but lead poisoning can be a life-long crisis for a person who is regularly exposed to it. Humans have used lead for everything from plumbing, to paint, to our cutlery, to cosmetics, to medicine. While yes, it is very possible to ingest enough lead in a single sitting to die within hours or days, most sufferers of lead poisoning experience it for years or decades before the symptoms become obvious. Some archaeologists believe that the Romans used lead cutlery because lead has a unique reaction when we lick it: when you have lead coating your tongue, it makes EVERYTHING you eat suddenly taste 10x better. I learned this myself from going target-shooting with my mom at a gun rage as a teenager, inhaled gunsmoke (which contains lead), and went for lunch immediately after. Even though I was just eating a $5 meal from In-N-Out, my burger tasted so good I thought I was gonna have to change my pants. When I asked the rangemaster at the target place about it later, he literally said, "Oh yeah, lead makes the worst cooking taste like heaven."

The ancient Romans ate a lot of rotten, spoiled, and sour food, and so lead would've made it easier to eat it back then. But the neurological effects of lead poisoning are nightmarish. It's suspected that, in America, the #1 reason we had so many active serial killers in the country from the 1940s-2000s was because of leaded gasoline. Ever since leaded gasoline was banned? Serial and random violent crime rates have dramatically gone down, especially in metropolitan cities. Ancient Rome, too, gradually became an increasingly violent city as its population went up and its reliance on lead did. We're only just now starting to figure out how toxic lead actually is, so go nuts with using it as a plot element regarding subjects like "Why Are You Like This?"

Mercury:

Mercury is also known as quicksilver, because in spite of being a heavy metal, the temperature at which it melts into a liquid is very, very low compared to most other metals. The first Emperor of China, Qin Shi Huang, was rumored to be so obsessed with the notion of immortality that he would send his doctors on doomed voyages around the world searching for a legendary substance that would, indeed, make him immortal. Legend has it that some doctors who were tasked with the job found out about the last guys, and produced mercury before Emperor Qin Shi Huang and cried, "Here it is! I got it!" so they wouldn't end up doomed to drown at sea. Qin Shi Huang became so obsessed with ingesting and medicating himself with mercury that, when his legendary tomb was being constructed, he had a small-yet-accurate-to-scale map of China+the known world about the size of a football field with every body of water full of fountains of running mercury in his burial chamber. His tomb was rediscovered in the last couple of decades after archaeologists found suspiciously high levels of mercury in the soil on top of a "hill" that had been sitting in the countryside untouched for thousands of years. It turned out to be Qin Shi Huang's long-lost tomb.

Since those days, mercury has closely been associated in early medicine as a sort of cure-all, since it literally kills anything it touches (including people). Captain Blackbeard himself, the most notorious pirate in Western history (Western specifically; google who Zheng Yi Sao was), was known or widely believed to be a syphilis sufferer, and desperately sought infusions of mercury from ships he'd capture (and the doctors onboard) to treat it, believing like everyone did that mercury could cure syphilis. It can't. They just didn't understand back then that syphilis starts off surface-level, and then eats your brain years after the initial infection.

Aconite:

Again, ridiculously toxic outside of specific medicinal applications that still aren't safe today! Aconite, or wolfsbane, has historically been used as a heart sedative (for slowing the heart), diuretic, painkiller, and even used to induce sweating. Evidence of wolfsbane being used for medicinal purposes has been spotted here and there over thousands of years throughout the Greek, Roman, and Byzantine Empires, but its original use came about in Ancient Greece for hunting and culling wolves by poisoning bait-food with it. That form of hunting died out long before the European Middle Ages, but the name "wolfsbane" stuck. Mostly because in the Middle Ages, a lot of people believed werewolves were a huge problem, and kept wolfsbane handy to deter said werewolves.

Thallium:

Today, thallium is mostly used in the production of camera and eyeglass lenses. Before its toxicity was known about, it wasn't strange to hear of thallium being used topically to treat fungal infections like ringworm. Thallium was also sporadically used in treating typhus and tuberculosis, along with a wide array of sexually transmitted diseases.

This list doesn't even touch the tip of the toxic iceberg when it comes to the sheer quantity of hilariously dangerous toxins people have, or still continue, to use for medicinal purposes! In a Victorian-era English London middle-class townhouse setting alone, there were dozens and dozens of ways to poison or otherwise harm yourself just by going about your daily life. So, if you've got a period piece you're working on, or are just bored, you can pick an exact date and time in our history and learn just how terrifyingly comfortable our ancestors were with upsettingly dangerous substances and home remedies. You can also watch a massive docuseries, called "Hidden Killers" and hosted by historian Suzannah Lipscomb, among other historians and archaeologists, which deep-dives into the hidden and unknown dangers of living in eras from Tudor-Era England, to the Post-WWII Reconstruction Age.

As a final note: I am NOT bashing Chinese or Eastern medicinal practices here, and in fact deliberately have gone out of my way to not include any references toward culturally-sanctioned medicinal practices in Eastern and Southeastern Asia. This post is specifically related to the history of WESTERN medicines and their associated history. I am not, nor have I ever been, a doctor of any traditional Eastern medicinal practices, and do not pretend to know better. Sinophobes are unwelcome in my blog space.

[raiiny-bay]

sleepy morning with the boys

[valdotpng]

[mizgnomer]

Hello :) What's your favourite David Tennant character?

Oooh, that's a hard one. I absolutely adore so many of his performances, but his Doctors (Ten, Tentoo, Fourteen - I'll take them all) are always going to be sentimental favorites for me. I've been a Doctor Who fan since I was a youngster during the Tom Baker era. When I started watching new Who in 2005 I figured no new-fangled Doctor would ever take the place of the fondly-remembered favorites from my childhood, but David absolutely shot to the top of my best Doctors list, then went on to become my favorite actor as well. My kids also became Doctor Who fans during David's time, so watching the show together became a fun family event! As much as I adore Crowley and Alec Hardy and David's Hamlet and Benedick and Richard II (and love to hate his Kilgrave), it's hard to top his Doctor(s) in my heart.

...but there are so many other characters I also love. So, so many. Objectively it's too hard for me to choose, so I'll stick with the sentimental Doctor answer. 😊

[wiltedrain]

what is he up to 🐾

[moeblob]

You know, I'm sorry for another story time but my life has been very stressed lately and today I got a huge boost. SO.

As some of you may know, I moved states at the end of July and have been here since August 1st basically. Social anxiety is a struggle but I'm making it. And there's this easy to reach by walking convenience store and almost every time I walk there I walk past a gem store. And I think to myself almost every single time "I love the store has a bouncer". I didn't say anything to him at first! But one day I got brave and proceeded to make an absolute FOOL of myself as I am on my way back from buying some sodas and ask him "are you like the store bouncer?"

The man looks at me and smiles and gives a little chuckle and says pretty much yeah? And then I say more awkward things and then promptly leave feeling very embarrassed. I purposefully AVOID that lil corner for a couple days and then finally feel brave enough to walk by cause it's ... like. Literally right by my destination. Man isn't even outside that day and I think phew! I can't be creepy if I can't talk to him!

BUT THEN I SEE THAT HE IS DIRECTLY INSIDE CHATTING TO A WORKER. And he sees me. And smiles and stops whatever conversation he's having and exits the store to say hi. (I am definitely beaming, like a normal person, because I apparently am NOT creepy enough to this man more than a foot taller than me who could easily kick my ass if he wanted) So we just chat. For maybe ten minutes? It's very nice! We have a Very Normal Conversation! I feel better about the first interaction because I had a second interaction.

So now............ today. I am once again wandering around and on my way to lunch when I pass the gem store and I'm like "hello again!" to the gem store bouncer. We begin to chat again and he mentions a pendant they recently appraised that he likes and I, thinking this entire time that the store was ONLY appointment only and I would never be allowed inside, am casually mentioning "yeah, I was born in June and we have three birthstones and like.... none of them are dark enough for me. I mean there's pearl which I'm not a fan of and then moonstone and another." And so he's saying they have a sheet inside to show birthstones so we walk in together to find out the mysterious third stone.

And the sheet only shows pearls. And I'm like "this is a crime against June babies" and then I somehow start talking to one of the female workers and I'm saying "yeah I just kinda like walking by here and seeing the bouncer" and she looks at him and is like "oh I like that." and I admit I have no other idea what to refer to him as (I don't know his name at this point anyway) and she's like "most often security guard."

Ah. Yes. Like a normal person would think. Security. Yes. Not "gem store bouncer". She then leaves to grab a coffee from across the street and I leave with the bouncer and somehow we get into talking about wearing mostly black and how he's pretty goth and then I mentioned a sweatshirt my aunt sent me once saying "I'm only wearing black until they come out with something darker" and he grins and says it's a life motto. Then the woman returns with her coffee and he tells me to tell her what I said, so I repeat it and she looks me dead in the eye and says "that was made for me. Also I love that you called him a bouncer it's hilarious".

I now observe that he (all black suit black shirt black tie) and her (black sweater with black/white striped pants n black shoes) are indeed somehow the gem store goth club. And then she heads back in and he says he's sorry they don't have any cookies to offer me, they normally have cookies in the back for employees, and I'm like "ah no it's fine thank you".

And then I left feeling like I was somehow allowed to join the Cool Goth Club at the gem store.

Anyway, sup, my new favorite person is the goth bouncer at the gem store and he makes me smile so much when I see him.

[starriesse]

[ID: A fifteen striped flag. The first and last four stripes all have small bumps facing inwards. The stripe colors, from top to bottom, are desaturated orange-yellow, pastel desaturated orange-yellow, desaturated orange-yellow, pastel desaturated orange-yellow, dull pink, light pink, pale pink, white, pale pink, light pink, dull pink, pastel desaturated orange-yellow, desaturated orange-yellow, pastel desaturated orange-yellow, and desaturated orange-yellow. In the center of the middle flag there is an icon of a halo with wings, while the other flags do not have said icon. End ID]

♡ ⁔⁔ IMPURANGELIC ... !!

[PT: Impurangelic. End PT]

— A gender related to impurity and angels. This gender is the feeling one may have of feeling defiled or impure, while wishing they could go back to when they were pure. This gender is also related to the song "Pure as a Lamb" by Baby Bugs, fallen angels, mourning over what could have been. It embodies mourning, melancholy, and a wish for a softer reality.

— This gender was created with trauma survivors in mind, and I would prefer if only trauma survivors use it. Despite the religious themes to it, it is not exclusive to religious trauma survivors. This term was not created to aestheticize, glamorize, or romanticize trauma; it was created for coping reasons. The use of the word "impure" is not meant to be derogatory, nor is it meant to promote or romanticize unhealthy mindsets. Once again, this is a term created by a trauma survivor to cope with feelings related to their trauma.

[tehcherrya]

I watched Umbrella Academy Season 4-- Let me talk about the finale. (And my writer's interpretation of how it should have ended)

As much as I love a 'doomed by the narrative martyr-dom' tragedy, that is not how you go about it.

I love stories with bittersweet "not everyone will make it out perfectly fine" endings. TMA. The Sandman. The Haunting of Bly Manor. Arcane. LotR. Not everything has a happy ending, and often it can be fairly satisfying in its own way. But for someone who likes tragedies, I am sorely disappointed in The Umbrella Academy.

Not in a 'oh I wished they lived happily ever after' sense-- no. No, it makes sense that the ending is sort of bittersweet because that's how the narrative was built to be. It was never going to be their perfect ending. Every season is just another apocalypse, another world-end scenario. In fact I appreciate the way they go out of their way to say it's just a vicious cycle every time they try to go back to being the same, there is no escaping the fates their destinies clearly have written for them, even if everything was quote unquote "normal". They were left without their powers. With a timeline where they are essentially human. And still-- the end of the world happened. Obviously something needs to be done, but it can't be all the way it was.

Here, is, personally, how I would have written the ending. Keeping the same tone, same aspects. But differently formatted.

Five goes through the same motions of realizing that he and his family are the one causing the apocalypses. Over and over and over. Not necessarily their existence itself breaking the timeline, but it's their existence as these marigold-fueled beings. Marigold was never supposed to go out into the world, let alone unto living beings. Timelines collide, and nothing ends well, as the universe can't handle its own essence being fused within living and breathing beings. It never has. So, it needs to be neutralized, so everything can fuse into one perfect timeline.

Five then goes back to the others. As a sort of veteran to the ideas of apocalypses, gives them their solution. And it's something that everyone doesn't expect. Do nothing. Let the apocalypse happen. Every time they've tried to stop it, it's only split the timeline into more apocalypses. So they need to let it neutralize itself.

But everyone is in disarray by this result, "Five, how can we just do nothing? We'll all die!"

And Five simply states that no. They might not. In fact there is a very likely change they won't. But they won't be the same. And everyone is silent as Five explains the situation. The Marigold, their father, the existence of the academy. It's all put them in these horrible timelines. Each one showing no resolve. If they neutralize the Marigold, they will restore the original timeline.

They won't die. More than likely their souls will still exist within this whole, original timeline. But those versions of themselves won't remember anything of each other. Living vastly different lives in different parts of the world, they might live their whole lives without ever meeting. They won't remember the times they've shared, their powers, their father, none of it. They will spend their whole lives not even knowing the words "The Umbrella Academy". They won't even remember there was ever any other timelines in the first place, nor that they were the ones who saved them. They would be no more special than any other ordinary people living their lives. No more apocalypses. No more despair.

And as the scene comes to a close and they all say their possible last goodbyes, and we have the sequence of all of the other timelines disappearing-- We are then met with our original timeline. We see all of the different endings for every character, living out their lives as they would have been if they hadn't ever been born with their powers. Each happy in their own individual way but the important part is that none of them have stories together. They are all living different stories, and have no memory of anything else. Obviously with "I Think We're Alone Now" playing over this montage.

And after our montage song ends with everyone else, there is one more person we haven't seen from-- bear with me on this last shot because it's a little cheesy, but in classic Umbrella Academy fashion. Our final shot is of a grown man in a suit, and it's not exactly said who it is, it's not a face we've seen before. Perhaps in a diner, as a call back to the famous seen from Season 1. The waitress with the name tag "Dolores" asks this man what he's to order. And with the snarky yet cool demeanor this man has always had he says 'I'll have the No. 5'.

And it is Five. Finally not trapped in the body he was. Finally no longer a slave to the apocalypses he's had to deal with ever since he was a boy. He gets to grow up. He gets to live. Once this man exits the diner, he takes his briefcase with him. Opens his umbrella to shield himself from the rain. Smiles. And walks away.

SCENE!

Am I a writer or am I a writer? Bittersweet, yet not horribly executed. Thank you for staying. I'd like to thank Umbrella Academy fans for taking your time to read this. I would also like to thank my regular followers who are wondering what the hell an Umbrella Academy even is. And if that is you, I promise you we will get back to our regularly scheduled program soon! But thanks everyone for sticking around this writers rant of a post!

[cry-ptidd]

I don’t really see Laura as evil, if someone was evil they wouldn’t ya know feel some remorse or feel terrible at the shit they done. They would move forward without a care. Laura to me was deeply hurt and took out it on the world with cruel force. She would have continued if she wasn’t stopped, but still. It really calmed her down just a tad bit and kills by orders now. Doesn’t feel bad about it but it does get to her at times. That I do love, i would probably tell her,”so after what happened to you-you just took it out on the world on innocence knowing you were innocent too?hypocritical aren’t we?”yeah i would be lunch.

Yeah she'd probably dislike being called out like that. I mean she's THINKING it but hearing it be said out loud always hurts and monsters are often immature in their ways of solving things.

I REALLY like this character analysis of her. I was a bit skeptical at the first couple words but I agree completely. She's not inherently evil, her mind was irreversibly fucked up by another's doing which broke her view of the world and herself and led her to either hurt herself or others. She chose both but moreso the latter.

When you think about it it's actually a bit hard to categorize her, like Alucard. Yes her crimes are countless and yes she fucking eats people and kids and innocents but she's also like... an animal. Her human instincts have been almost completely overtaken by her new werewolf ones and it's kind of a fucked up situation for her because she'd HAVE to eat human meat to keep her strength (in my werewolf lore hc). It's like vampires, their existence is inherently tied to hurting people, and especially to people (them) getting hurt and changing into something terrible. Seras is the only creature shown in the series that kept her morality because her mental backbone is made out of titanium and Integra rejected that altogether so we love them.

I just REALLY like "wounded predatory animal" type of characters. How much of your instinct is inherent and how can you fight it. Were you pushed to hurt or did you always have it in you and it has an excuse to let out. The aggression that comes with being a terrified creature with only your teeth to defend yourself. Delicious Give me 14 of them right now.

(.) Another note about Laura calming down after getting nearly killed is the realization that people can retaliate even when her attacks are justified in her mind. Yes she knew the concept of paper but never really understood it (like many people that don't even realize it). In her rage she had a "i got hurt, now I hurt them back and the cycle will stop" mentality that was kind of what happened in the abbey, with her killing her abusers and the physical harm stopping because their mangled remains literally inside her guts right now. It was a very childish attitude she had that made the silver bullet more a wake up call than an execution. It didn't really teach her that what she was doing was wrong (she knew it was wrong, all of it, and she still did it, which is very reprehensible and should be condemned), it taught her that hurting innocent humans (or rather, those with loved ones) will result in them retaliating against her.

[thedrotter]

One of my favorite things about how Re:Kinder is written and how it tackles its themes is the way that Yuuichi and Shunsuke can be seen as parallels to each other. Shunsuke could have easily ended up like Yuuichi, feeling trapped in his pain and eventually breaking down. And the knowledge of that makes Shunsuke choosing to be kind to him in order to be kinder to himself really meaningful. That could have easily been him, so despite how he did not owe that kindness to the kid who killed his mother, the kindness just goes to show the strength of his resolve to be kinder even to the person he could have ended up as.

Albeit in a different way I think Killer End also showcases it in a way as well, with Shunsuke murdering Yuuichi for all the pain he endured because of him. It showcases how he too, if broken over, could end up committing such acts...

This also works viceversa. Yuuichi, in a better world, might have managed to fool his pain and anger successfully and keep moving on. But his unfortunate circumstances only led him to fall deeper into that despair. You can see him attempt to lighten up painful situations through acting absurdly, but ultimately being unable to fool himself once he falls victim to the helpless belief that this pain was entirely his own fault.

[lyneytricks]

if i see another video making out scara's resentment towards ei to not matter and be wrong because of ei's intentions when abandoning him i'm going to literally throw something out of a window.

it doesn't matter what ei's intention was!! she literally abandoned him during the most important part of his life. idgaf if he looked the same as he does now, he was a child and he didn't know shit. ei just!! left him!! the fact that she had no ill intention doesn't dismiss the fact that it was harmful!!

(also let's not forget that she let him to sleep. for like. years. until someone found him. isn't that worse than death? how could you claim to "set someone free" when you throw them out as a lifeless corpse, not able to do anything until they are found? how could you say that?)

imagine using that logic on a crime dawg. yeah i killed them but it wasn't my intention so now their loved ones can't be mad at me for doing so, and they also need to forgive me. WHAT THE FUCK???

even wanderer says it in his voicelines. jesus christ. ("she completely neglected her own creation, and to add insult to injury, she said it was because she 'couldn't bring herself to intervene' in my fate..")

small p.d: i almost forgot about the feather ei gave him. (almost everyone does i'm ngl) yes, it was a way to, i guess 'protect him'? in a way? but, the fact that she gave him one thing (that does hold value, yeah, but god) while never even aknowledging his existence does not make her better.

(i can't remember the exact line in the HOOD set but oh my god. that "and she will not abandon you" someone says when seeing the feather, him knowing full well that she has done that. oh my god i need someone to hold me down)