#Uhhh I think that's all the characters I mentioned...
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jayvik ficrecs đ¤şđ¤şđ¤ş
itâs long so. continues utc (also i tried to mention which ones had smut but i definitely forgot to mention some so idk proceed w caution)
The Pulse of The Machine by BringTheKaos (92k)
SOOOOOO INCREDIBLY GOOD!!! sorta a mixture of league and arcane lore which i LOVE, explicit sexual content and some (imo) mild body horror bc well, viktor, and the typical lovers to enemies to lovers arc that league jayvik generally embarks on
look out bellow by weatheredlaw (11k)
SO GOOD. very sad at the end lowk đđ but love it. again a mixture of league and arcane lore, just how i like it smirk emoji. one sex scene (bottom jayce supremacy tbh)
A shared detestation by oooohscar (2k)
the type of fic you wish was longer and never stop thinking about. league lore compliant, essentially meant to be viktor and jayceâs meet-cute at one of those piltie parties they both despise
Your Needs, My Needs by inoxske (23k)
post canon for arcane lore. Wow iâm still reeling actually. real tears were shed after i finished this but it hurt so good. basically jayvik learns to heal after season 2, posing as fake husbands until they become hmmm maybe not so fake husbands. one sex scene but vague af
Bookstreet by Elf_Writes (10k)
SO CUTE AND FUN. pure fluff and some second hand embarrassment because jayce + vi = flop duo. basically jayce takes viâs advice on how to woo viktor and things get worse from there. iâm obsessed
If This Is How It Feels to Be Broken by marttyyriroskis (21k)
a much lighter take on the usual hatred between machine herald viktor and defender of tomorrow jayce!! again, a mixture of league and arcane canons (my favorite shii fr đđ). basically, jayce is at rock bottom and viktor meets him there despite the grievances of the past. love the characterization, one sex scene but very brief and vague
love, letting go by theroyalsavage (13k)
once again the mixture of league and arcane canon, SOOOOO GOOD. hurts so good fr. miscommunication trope but in a way that doesnât make you want to kill all the characters. love the take on the hexcore. fic essentially operates under the assumption that season 2 of arcane did not occur đŻ. also jayce thinking viktor replaced his face and not knowing the mask is a MASK will always be my FAV. âi never thought iâd see your eyes againâ yeah so thatâs the gayest thing iâve ever fucking read
to swim through the fires â to stay in this world by theroyalsavage (20k)
just got finished reading this. wow i hope i die! so good. very little angst, lovely plot. AU where viktor never leaves the undercity and raises ekko and powder after that Awful Night â˘ď¸. i love you jayce talis i want to kiss your lovely forehead. what a baddie. anyway uhhh read it or iâll kill you
all this longing - ships left to rush by theroyalsavage (22k)
i love you jayvik divorce era maybe you could save me. Ok basically pirate au yet still vaguely canon compliant with arcane season 1. jayce gets captured by pirates oh no and whoâs that mysterious guy who vouches for him?? surely not his long lost ex (they never dated)âŚ. oh em gee how will it end
growing sideways by inkingbrushes (27k)
wow okay so this one is beautiful. modern au where jayvik are roommates, best friends, and a secret third thing (lovers in denial). the getting together takes a little while but is so so worth it. viktor pov, and you can tell the person who wrote jayce is a little in love with him too
Evergreen Out The Window by inkingbrushes (51k)
wow same author so crazy. Mage au? i guess?? idk just read it, itâs amazing and so beautiful and heart wrenching and UGH i love a good immortality magic fic. READ ITTTT!!!! also i love the rio representation here.
The Firelight Tree by Tempeste (58k)
amazing showstopping incredible. post canon arcane fic, i love the healing that happens between jayvik and ekkoâs inclusion is just top tier. also the lust jayvik shares is just đł. two sex scenes i believe, serving my vers jayvik agenda fr.
butterflies and hurricanes by ironcy (39k)
wow ok i might take my life! if you like jayce centric and jayce whump then THIS is the jayvik fic for you. wow ok the pain is endless iâm sorry i just got done reading this as iâm writing this. absolutely brutal, but incredibly well done and a satisfying ending. rip my girl ximena tho
Red Chrysanthemums by Finnicus_Gayicus (124k)
so good. SO GOOD. really gives satisfaction in a way i canât describeâyou get mad as fuck at the fic for a few chapters and then satisfied again, and again and again until the beautiful perfect ending. basically jayce is thrust into an alternate reality which takes place in the modern day instead of the hellscape he was sent to in arcane. 2-3 sex scenes. VERY well written and so incredibly beautiful honestly the bottle flew into my hand
youâre so handsome when iâm all over your mouth by HypnosTheory (39k)
ok ummm porn every chapter lmfao. REALLY well written, pretty intense bc itâs also a vampire/werewolf au. some abo elements too bc viktor is like my mate my mate for a while there. i pray every day that the author will finish the series bc i canât live with that ending. also a murder scene occurs đ
ok thatâs all for now but i will probably post another one of these at some point because iâm mentally ill
#jayvik#jayce x viktor#jayvik divorce era#vikjayce#jayvik fanfic#jayvik ficrec#ao3#fic rec#vikjayce fanfic#vikjayce fic rec
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AAAAA I FORGOT TO ACTUALLY SAY THIS BUT I BINGED LIKE 7 EPISODES OF THE 4TH SEASON OF BSD AND I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS I NEED TO SAY THAT I FORGOT TO ACTUALLY SAY
Younger Odasaku please I love him
I MET NIKOLAI!! MY SON!! MY SILLY GUY!!! THE SKRUNKLY!!!
He shot like 3 people in a single episode and killed several more, BUT HES SO SILLY??? LIKE I ALREADY HAD AN IDEA OF HOW HE ACTED BUT DEAR GOD???
ALSO I MET THE HUNTING DOGS!! (I think thats what theyre called-)
JOUNO??? HES SO??? PRETTY????
I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM YET BUT HE SEEMS COOL, SUSPICIONS WERE CORRECT
ALSO TETCHOU LOOKS AO PRETTY AND ETHERAL AND I LOVE HIM HE IS BEING ADDED TO THE BABYGIRL COLLECTION
FUKUCHI SEEMS SILLY TOO SO YIPPEE FOR NOW!!
AND TERUKO??? SHE SEEMS SO SILLY I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHH AAAAAA I REALLY HOPE WE GET TO SEE MORE OF HER CUZ SHE JUST SEEMS SO SILLY??
Now I just have to hope no one becomes a character I absolutely despise :3
Aaaa speaking of which, FYODOR?? HELLO???
HES SUCH A BITCH I HATE THAT MAN, STUPID MINIPULATIVE SMART ASS MAN
(Hes at top 3 now, Akutagawas still my favorite but Fyodors very high up on my favorite. Would let that man skin me alive with a dull stick đ)
Man I love having like 14 favorite characters cuz that means if any of them die I can just focus on another favorite character :D
Unless it's Akutagawa I really hope he stays alive I'd have to mourn for like 3 weeks
ASAGIRIS GOT NOTHING ON ME, HE CAN KILL WHO HE WANTS BUT IM NOT RUNNING OUT OF FAVORITES THIS TIME (Traumatized from jjba legit all my favorites died in that show)
ALSO POES EXTREMELY GAY BRO FYM RIVAL YOU GUYS ARE DATING
Also I felt like Jouno and Tetchou were gonna be shipped because of the whole "I hate you the most in this organization" And I was right, so I'm trying to figure out which one I should adopt
On one hand Jounos silly and adorbs, BUT TETCHOUS JUST SO PRETTY AND I LOVE THE LITTLE HEARTS/TRIANGLES/SHAPE THINGS BY HIS EYES AND AHDAKDSJD HES JUST SO PRETTYYYY
I KNOW FOR A FACT IM ADOPTING TEROKU SHES MY DAUGHTER AND I LOVE HER
ALSO THE WAY CHUUYA CAME BY IN THE HELICOPTER WITH THAT TWINK ASS POSE LIKE??? AGHHHH CHUUYAAAAAA
Also Nikolai saying Fyodor was the only one who understood him?? Sounds kinda gay bird boy đ¤¨đ¤¨đ¤¨
I do really like his analogies with birds though, they make me go yippee
ALSO I KNEW POE WAS RICH BUT I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS THAT RICH DEAR GOD
Also quick question do I get more content to froth at the mouth for when Fyolai?? Or am I gonna have to overanalyze every sentence and sound delusional?
#bsd#chuuya nakahara#bungo stray dogs chuuya#bungou stray dogs chuuya#bsd chuuya#bungo stray dogs ranpo#bungou stray dogs ranpo#bsd poe#bungou stray dogs#bungo gay dogs#bungo stray dogs nikolai#bsd nikolai#nikolai gogol#jouno bsd#bsd jouno#jouno saigiku#tetchou suehiro#bsd tetchou#teruko okura#okura#bsd teruko#bungo stray dogs teruko#birds#live laugh fyolai#bsd fukuchi#fukuchi ouchi#Ĺchi fukuchi#Uhhh I think that's all the characters I mentioned...#I was gonna say something but then I forgot#yapping
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also. tbh. a little disappointed it seems like taash is Also going to be from the qun, or at least a very recent defect. i was hoping weâd get to see more vashoth characters
#at this point it feels like a concept they made up for adaar/whatever qunari pcs for this one#this is something iâve noticed recently where itâs like. nonhuman cultures feel like theyâre being. whatâs the word#reducing them all down to one culture#seeing this especially with elves bc we havenât really spent time in an alienage since tabris#arianni and merrill are both dalish transplants. but alienages have their own culture#thereâs elves whose ancestors were never in the dales. thereâs elves who lived in the dales who never joined the dalish#but we donât really get a whole lot about that#like. itâs very cool to have two dalish companions but iâm a little disappointed theyâre the only elven companions yk#god. i could write a whole other post about elves#seeing this a little bit with dwarves too bc in hardingâs v&v episode she brought up the stone a bunch#which iâve already mentioned. could be an insight into surfacer culture that hasnât assimilated into the chantry#or it could just be that they went âuhhh dwarf so theyâre all the sameâ#iâm of two minds about varricâs beard for the same reason bc it was an intentional choice to have him be clean shaven#and maybe heâs gone through some offscreen character development. or it could be this again#it seems like a similar thing that happens to characters of color like#if theyâre not white itâs either them or their parents who came from rivain/antiva/tevinter (thinking vivienne duncan isabela etc)#everyone needs an excuse for why they are where they are. except for white humans bc that doesnât NEED an explanation. is how it comes acros#mine#taash
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guys ik that dios chariot is pulled by panthers and the sacred animal stuff but panther is an umbrella term for a genus of big cat so
#im thinking of drawing dio with the ears of whatever one wins#epic the musical#epic dionysus#estelleas pop quiz time#poll#actually#do we fw dio having animal ears#im thinking of giving him wood horn things too#so hed be a weird panther thing along with that#this poll is actually bc im doing character sketches of him to try to get a design down#im gonna redo hermes + apollo (who i havent posted abt yet sobs) too#spoiler for apollo; hes gonna be albino bc i want his color scheme to be very bright aside from the dark green prophecy snake stuff#im giving him sharp teeth like a wolf (hehe sacred animal mention) too#we could all use a little unsettling apollo in our lives#wait this post is meant to be about dio uhhh#dios gonna have a bit of pudge cuz like. of course he would#not much pudge but i want his muscles to be a bit less defined than his brothers but not skinny like apollo yk ?
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the duality of misao being one of the few psychiatrists in arkham that has actually made progress with some of their patients and treats them like human beings, but also someone who does a complete 180° later + EATS her patients and gaslights people who ask about them into thinking they were never committed there is currently making me go feral. like girlll why are you like this JSJSJ
#ALL POWER DEMANDS POWER AND SACRIFICE: musings.#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#and whenever i say it's making me go feral i mean it both puzzling as well as intriguing to me that misao seems to not be on ANYONE'S-#side even when it may seem like she might just care about her patients bc she not only gaslights any of the staff and patients who ask abou#them into thinking that the person was never there BUT also destroys records of them ever having been there which would take quite a bit#of effort on her part to do and that is just. wow but like i said here misao is probably one of the only doctor's throughout the years who-#have treated their patients with empathy (even if most of it is faked on her part JSJSJ) and even does thing's like keep a cupboard-#full of snacks in her office for them so that they could have something better to eat than the cafeteria food...#and that is why i believe that it honestly wouldn't be too far-fetched for misao to end up having a redemption arc because-#she honestly doesn't like a LOT of the staff there because they still advocate for the use of barbaric practices like ECT on fully-#conscious people and as a regular treatment when it should be done under anesthesia / while the patient is asleep and be a 'last resort'#kind of thing you know? plus she has heard them talk about her behind her back before bc they think misao's 'weird' sooo yeah.#she isn't COMPLETELY evil but she still does thing's like eat people which is heinous in and of itself but even more so when there's-#a power imbalance between you + the other person because some people in there i could imagine would probably grow to trust her-#as an authority figure buttt misao would fully intend to take advantage of that so she could eat. and that is uhhh TERRIBLE to say the leas#tw: mentions of cannibalism.#tw: mentions of medical malpractice.#tw: manipulation.#tw: mentions of a power imbalance.
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i'm normal now. lying also
#clai speaks#god. God.#a game hasnt made me feel despair like that since m/ther 3#i was so tense and horrified and just downright felt Awful through all of act 5. this RULED ITS SOOOOO SO SO GOOD!!!!! AAUGHHH#hehe. my favorite game is black and white and my second favorite game is in black and white#i think theres still a lot i need to look into. one of the posts i rbed mentioned a loop fight and uhhh What. Huh#i missed a lot in my game i think.... i had to look up walkthroughs a couple times and found out about things like--#--the ghost event or bad touch event. though tbh i'm very glad i didnt see bad touch event!!!!#but also i never managed to make the bomb i didnt open some rooms i couldnt sharpen the keyknife#so i'm wondering just how much i missed#i won't replay though i do wanna get through my backlog BJEVRJBFF#but just aughhh. isat. really really well done game. phenomenal showstopping spectacular#every single character is a delight!! everyone is so well fleshed out their interactions so good#siffrin..... man. i really saw a lot of myself in them a lot of things hit very close to home for me#god!!!! he loved his family so much he almost destroyed the world to keep them together!!!!!!! thats awful i love it!!!!!!!!!!!#i guess i will say a couple points of progression werent too clear. a couple times loop told me to do things i already did#and certain things you had to do in a specific order so i would just loop around pointlessly a couple times#but overall still very good i enjoyed myself a lot#if i ever play again. i gotta keep notes bc i Also have a terrible memory VJDVFJFB#i spent 10 loops trying to find the room with the craftology book it was EMBARRASSING#honestly. kinda adds to the experience does it not. just like siffrin i was forgetting things i should have known and--#--getting increasingly more exasperated with the constant looping for like One (1) thing i missed#really really Reeeeally good game. phenomenal game. please play it please play it please play it please play it
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Getting back into comics is fun. Minus the Getting Back Into Comics part of it all
#ramblings of a lunatic#fascinating opinions from everyone. truly every death threat over characterization is in proportion and within reason#sorry just. I've seen things#i think dc tumblr might be one of the only fandoms I've seen where it's equally as toxic as it's twitter counterpart#but on the other hand. funny and pretty drawings <3#I'm generally taking a ''its not that deep unless i feel like it'' approach to comics#not everything needs to be high art and i can excuse work where i maybe don't agree with certain aspects or portrayals#as long as i can find some kind of value in it#which i think you genuinely can in most comics#i think maybe we should all just drink some water. y'know?#anyway i read stargirl: the lost children (was very good! i didn't get most of the golden age refs-#-and also i. didn't know i had to read the sprinbreak special but! besides that! i enjoyed it!-#-todd naucks art is great (i have yj98 stockholm syndrome for it <3) and i like courtney and emiko being friends!-#-also SECRET MENTION WOOOOO GRETA HAYES STANS STAY WINNING(???do we???)#uhhh what else#ooh i read truth & justice no.6 which was a fun story w/ Damian and the batfam!#characterization was off but in a ''we're playing things fast and loose for comedy's sake'' plus they did great work w/ damian#i definitely get why some ppl are sad he's losing some of his surly and more formal edge in his character voice#but i think I'm cool with it tho I'd like if it was maybe casually addressed in story as part of his character development#he's let his guard down. he talks like a shitty teen and not an 18th century warlord now. he's picked up some nightwingisms#he's not crushingly insecure and by consequence violent and vicious anymore#but like again I'd like it acknowledged slightly but that's just me. i at least appreciate all the affection his current writer-#-Joshua Williamson has for damian. like i read adam glass' teen titans run (bad. btw <3) you don't know how comforting this is to me#he called Damian his little babyman on a podcast and i nearly jumped out of my seat thinking ''HES JUST LIKE ME FOR REAL!!!''#he clearly bases most of his work with damian off of tomasi's work with the character which is comforting i think#where was i going with this#anyway yeah. comics tumblr is WILD there is no way you guys are ever getting me to go there full time ever again#once I figure out how to draw dc characters (again... it's been so long) then it's OVER for you bitches
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[personal opinions about dunmesh op 1 vs op 2 visuals, mild namedrop spoilers below]
tbh while i liked the first dunmesh opâs song a lot, the visuals REALLY didnât do it for me in terms of establishing tone, character, overall plot or vibes of the storyâŚ
almost half of it is static or minimally animated images, and the first section of the giant characters standing stoically with eyes closed in various landscapes does very little to convey anything meaningful about them as individuals or their role in the story. like, i could see that imagery for a more low-key ED, and i think it would work really well. (i'd never replace Ryoko Kui's art from the EDs, but in a different universe where they had a more standard animated approach.)
but for the first op, thatâs supposed to set the tone and hook you on the world & charactersâŚ.ehhh. especially since Kabru, Namari, and Shuro/Toshiro are featured equally to the main party, but Kabru and Namari get very little screentime in the first cour, and Toshiro gets even less and is barely even mentioned. meanwhile, there's only one food/cooking-related shot right at the end. the biggest focus of the first arc is barely present in the op.
they spend a huge amount of time just kinda teasing characters that wonât be properly featured or introduced for a while yetâshots of the Canaries, Toshiro's party('s legs), Thistle, the Winged Lion, are all exciting to see *as a manga reader*, but they feel out of place for the first op. the first arc primarily focuses on our main party and their interactions with the dungeon itself and the monsters within it, and, you know, cooking.
the main party's personalities, monsters, and food. those 3 things were either severely underrepresented or completely absent from the op 1 visuals, and i really felt their absence more and more as time went on.
2nd op on the other hand......love love love. WAY better representation of the characters and what the show is actually about! there's so much more humor and personality, it showcases the camaraderie of the main party, it flips back and forth between the party hunting/gathering ingredients to cook and BECOMING ingredients that are getting cooked, there are so many more monster designs and interactions, it still manages to show off upcoming characters and designs without detracting from the overall feel or focus.....it's EXACTLY what i was hoping for from the op switch so i'm absolutely thrilled!!
i like the new song, but i have less to say about it specifically, other than the visuals being timed to it really nicely. i could be wrong but i feel like people who are "meh" about the new op maybe just care about the music part, or at least weigh it more heavily, whereas i'm somewhat the opposite. it's hard for me to imagine someone comparing just based on the visuals and thinking that this:
somehow matches the tone and vibe of the show better than this:
but, people have different perspectives on things, so there probably ARE people who genuinely prefer the more solemn and mysterious atmosphere of op 1 visuals to the more âcutesyâ op 2, even if i personally think they feel out of place for arc 1.
to be clear, none of this is to say the visuals are *bad*--i have the stitched image of Laios (& co) and Falin (& co) reaching towards each other as my phone background--just that i felt like they emphasized the wrong things for this first arc, and were maybe better suited to an ed.
i'm really, really happy that op 2 completely fixed every "issue" that i had with the first one!
#maybe there's something to be said for op 1 being understated in a way that lets you discover the world and characters#through the storytelling first? but idk. even in that case i think they just over-focused on showing characters too much.#i LOVE dm's character designs but the first arc is mostly Not About Them.#mypost#uhhh.....idk if i want this to show up in the main tag. but it will if i tag it for organization purposes.#even if i try to push it towards the back.#apparently the 'only the first 5 tags' count thing doesn't apply anymore#bc i check the dunmesh tag all the time and stuff shows up there if the full title is mentioned ANYWHERE in the post text#i should probably tag#dungeon meshi spoilers#for a couple vague-ish things anyway.#dungeon meshi#dm manga spoilers#oh well i'm organization tagging anyway.
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obsessed, btw, with the dynamic my lil guys have going on, which is "I will fight for you. I will die for you. I put my life on the line for you on the daily. You want someone dead, just say the word and I'm there. Anything you could possibly need I will give to you. No I won't tell you my real name or where I'm from. What are you, a cop?"
#the only two people who know eachothers names are city and poison#and this is including me im not giving them names they are purposely expressions of ourselves and NOT their own characters#for uhhh reasons#but in universe its because they all have issues#not to mention the uh. 5/7 nonbinary split. tbh if i found out i waa nonbinary while using a neutral nickname that suited me well id#tbh now that i think about it idk if city DOES know poisons name they might just think his name is 'dad'#ocs.exe
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love how the message of season 4 was that you have to have extremely good grades and have gone to parties to be able to successfully adjust to university
#nhie s4 spoilers#nhie s4#nhie#never have i ever#nhie critical#if you had mediocre grades or were too uptight might as well not even bother going since you're apparently fucked#like. devi ben and fab all got into an ivy and seemed to be enjoying university and doing well right away#meanwhile we have eleanor who gets 1 rejection and gives up on furthering her education entirely (why didn't she think about film school??)#and paxton who worked So Hard to get into college only to immediately drop out just because his roommate was shitty#& blair who was an excellent student but partied too hard and failed out and tried to keep it a secret because it was 'kind of humiliating'#like. blair mentioned that she was burnt out but then it was almost immediately reframed as her having been 'too perfect' in high school#the only character who never planned to go to college was trent who was so bad at school he had to repeat his senior year#why weren't there any students who had done well at high school yet struggled academically even though they were genuinely trying?#or students who hadn't done super well in high school but then thrived in university when they had more freedom to choose their classes#where were the top students who didn't get into their first choice school? or knew that they didn't want to go to college at all?#obviously the show couldn't cover every possible permutation of how people decide whether to go to college and then how they adjust to it#but it's uhhh not great that the 3 'smartest' main characters were admitted into ivies and immediately thrived at university#while the 3 who struggled with school or prioritized non-academic interests either didn't try to go to college or gave up extremely fast#the show has always had moments where characters will be elitist but it seemed much more prominent & tied into the narrative this season#my post#my meta#tag ramble
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RP:
Log 219
FTL: FTLR-3 has started moving around. I can confirm that it behaves similarly to a lizard, though nothing especially like a cyan lizard specifically. It's been moving about the chamber, but it hasn't yet made any attempts to break out. It knows that it won't work.
FTL: This type of learning is not something that lizards usually do. They keep going and going, even if it's to their own peril. Though they have learned of typical signs of threat - but that's through cycles of experience and reinforcement. They have also been recorded as able to be tamed, which once again, is heavily reliant on external reinforcement. Learning within a single cycle that attempting to escape is futile without any sort of external source providing reinforcement showcases a level of learning capacity above that of any other sort of Rot - and above that of any other lizard.
FTL: As curious as I am about FTLR-3, I am completely aware of the fact that this makes it highly dangerous - moreso than most other Rots. I would continue to research it, ignoring the danger, but I don't believe that that's possible right now. Unfortunately. I may not value my own life, but interacting with it is not a good idea. Mostly due to the fact that LIFEGIVER's shipment has arrived. FTLR-3 will be eradicated soon. I... I will not interfere.
FTL: I'm highly disappointed in myself that I didn't manage to get more research done, but I do not think there was much research that could be done. My interest in the project has long since faded, and while rationale dictates that that does not matter and I should have continued my study, that would have been fruitless. There were no interesting behaviours from it, and there wasn't much I could have done.
FTL: As for the corrosive substance I was attempting to develop, well. I've succeeded. It would not be effective against Rot though. Or well, against anything at all. The liquid is corrosive, but barely so. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not cut out for chemistry. Thankfully so, as it is dreadfully boring. And now I do not have to continue in my attempts, due to LIFEGIVER's cure being here, as previously mentioned.
FTL: The organisms carrying the chemical have made their way into my structure, which was slightly unpleasant. The feeling of creature crawling around on me is not one I enjoy. I just wish that the creatures get to FTLR-3 as soon as possible, and let me grieve the loss of high potential for research.
FTL: I never did figure out what FTLR-3 truly was. A Rot, of course, but the fact that it doesn't fit into any of the three sub-groups bothers me heavily. I'll leave it as an outlier for now, but a new group shall be created if another Rot similar to FTLR-3 is ever created. Which is highly unlikely.
FTL: That does lead me to remember a train of thought I had earlier on in the cycle. Will FTLR-3 escape the confines of the Great Cycle as other Rots do? I believe that some iota of intelligence is needed in order to be part of the Great Cycle, alongside being mostly organic. That first requirement is what bars all Rots (and while us Iterators definitely do fit the first requirement, the second one is the reason why we are excluded. We may be organic in part, but we still are majority mechanical.), would it do the same for FTLR-3?
FTL: ...Let's hope it does. But the more I think about it, the more I doubt it. While I am unsure about the level of intelligence necessary, I do know that lizards possess it. As established before, FTLR-3 goes beyond that. Well. If this worst-case scenario does happen, then I will know. I'll be on the lookout, just in case it wakes up where it was first created, though I think it's more likely that it would do so in the containment chamber where it's been for the past several cycles.
FTL: What will- ....should I do if that does happen though? I cannot keep relying on LIFEGIVER to continue eradicating it over and over, completely pointlessly. And while I do relish the opportunity to potentially research it more, and with time to do so. It... I cannot release FTLR-3 as I do with my other experiments I no longer need. That would permanently wreck my regions. Nor can I allow it to continue inhabiting that room. As I've stated before, it will find a way out.
FTL: I do not know what to do. If it gets trapped in the Great Cycle, does that mean that it has Karma? If so, is it possible for it to ascend via Void sea? Either way, I have no options. I have no way to ascend it or remove it from the Great Cycle somehow. It'd just have to remain in the containment chamber, growing more and more dangerous by the cycle. I do not want that.
FTL: I do believe that I have no proper way out of this situation if FTLR-3 does happen to be trapped in the Great Cycle alongside most lifeforms. If that is the case - which I am now almost fully convinced it is - then I am most likely doomed to die via Rot. A very volatile one that can and will spread out easily.
FTL: I... I am not going to record the other things I was going to talk about in this log. Apologies to future me (...if you even exist) but I have no time.
FTL: I need to think.
#ftl is trying to rationalise to venself abt why ve got distracted and didnt research ftlr-3 Ć\>#bestie you have adhd just accept it#accept that youre autistic as well while youre at it#but nope he wont#because those disorders dont rly exist in iterators#its the projection â¨#right imma get back to writing the log#ALSO IM SRY ABT LOG 218 I FORGOT THAT FTL DOESNT CARE ABT HIS OWN LIFE FUUUUCK#NVM LOG 218 WAS STILL IN CHARACTER ALL IS GOOD AAA#MAN I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA#uhhh so maybe well see ftlr-3 again after its gone (:#AND THERE GOES LIFEGIVERS HARD WORK#L#im waiting for ftl to realise that ea has mentioned that she traps modified creatures 'in a point of constant agony' (paraphrased)#cause sorry for using you as a major plot element eternal anomaly#but uh#its the only way i can think of to get out of this situation rn LMAO#BOOM#THAT TOOK A FUCKING HOUR TO WRITE#I WAS PLAYING FLIGHT RISING \:#THEN I HAD TO WRITE THIS LOG#AND I IMPULSIVELY CAME UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT#YEAH UH#FUN#also sidenote: par 2 is somewhat bullshit dont question it sry#i forgot that lizards DO learn#bcs ftlr-3 does actually get negative reinforcement via there being no results to its attempts but uh. IGNORE THAT PLS#rp#ftl logs#finely-tuned line
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if barton tried hard enough, he thought, imagining himself being literally anywhere else but the warehouse right then was easy. this place was never meant to be lived in for an extended period of time after all; despite the fact that it had appliances that you might see in an every day home like a fridge.
it put him on edge instead of at ease, and it certainly didn't better barton's mood when he stayed in it either, after all. but so long as he was allowed to dream within it to some degree... it was tolerable. plus, he had company here, courtesy of nico, jack, and barton also supposed jervis counted. nico had complicated feelings towards the doctor, though, and spending time around jack whilst in it thus far gave barton an unfortunate impression; which was that his own son was made nervous by him.
and the irony of it all was, barton only gathered that because he could feel cognitive empathy towards him. something that didn't include feeling but reasoning. therefore, the hopes of him somehow patching that up with jack someday were drastically decreased. barton vaguely listened to jervis respond to what he'd said about him being in the warehouse solely because of them; all of the words but one not quite having any actual impact on him, this being 'nightmares.'
the smell of the yuja tea that jack prepared for jervis, as fragrant in the air that it was, seemed to be the one thing keeping him from being sucked down a unpleasant train of thought. for someone who didn't feel human half the time, barton sure as hell experienced his own fair share of seeing 'ghosts' from the past and mourning the way some things had gone in his life. and regret, as well as sorrow, were practically intertwined in every single 'normal' person's life that he'd known.
speaking of regret, once he'd closed the curtains, something from the small cabinet hanging on the wall next to them fell to the floor. barton picked it up and was immediately reminded of why he kept this photo here instead of at his home. hiding it away helped alleviate the pain of not only loving someone and losing them, but also knowing that at the time it was taken, everything seemed fine.
'my 19th birthday party - spent right, with my handsome fiancĂŠ!' was written on the back in marcy's handwriting. barton felt like screaming and smashing something simultaneously. the photo was instead placed in his pant pocket, whilst he dragged his hands down his face and thanked his lucky stars that jervis wasn't exactly expecting any big conversations from him. barton's hand flexed by his side before he was changing his shirt, wondering just what the hell he was supposed to do after seeing that again.
grief was a thing he'd never been able to pend down how to deal with 'appropriately,' unfortunately. from marcy, to the momentary blink of an eye that felt like his bittersweet friendship with yves, to his son julien's death - barton thought he'd be destroyed by all of those losses for the longest time. but he supposed he was still here, god willing, or laughing at him more like if such a being did exist. barton noticed the fabric that was splitting on the blanket and how jervis very much appeared to be in his own world.
it was at that moment that he reached for something in that same cabinet he'd opened to change his shirt, finding that sewing thread and needle he'd stored in there long ago. barton kept it there because the shirt he was wearing had actually torn at some point and he'd fixed it. though, he had no use for it now, so he decided to put it on the edge of edge of the cabinet if jervis wanted it. but he didn't really know what he wanted. that night seemed to be a series of gut punches now as the other touched upon how jack was a good person and barton should be proud of him.
he blinked several times as he felt this sensation like something ugly was swirling within him. jack had always kind of gotten the short-end of the stick, and for what? â ahh. well, sometimes i've found myself practicing behaviors towards him that my father used to use on me... but i try to stop myself when that happens. jack has come a long way, as the first time i met him, he was a scared two year old who was on his own with his brother. but now jack's a young man and very brave, despite maybe still being scared sometimes. â barton cleared his throat then, â that's normal though. so yeah, i am proud of him. â
barton turned his attention back to jervis and tilted his head at the other's sluggishness. being vulnerable like that surprisingly didn't feel too nerve-wracking, as he added just a bit more to the equation. barton gave the iv bag jervis was hooked up to a good squeeze, â hmm. are you still in pain, jervis? or are you just tired? â he observed the other silently and looked down at the cards before the both of them. that is, before barton heard jervis approve of him reading his fortune.
he drifted a hand along the cards then. choosing one that felt 'right' came without much difficulty to barton, and when he did, the reversed 'wheel of fortune' card for jervis's past. the next card he chose was the reversed 'six of swords' for jervis's present. barton flipped the last one for his future and was greeted by 'the sun,' which made him let out a soft 'huh' and smile a bit. â well... i hate to start off with the past when you got this card, but i guess we have to. â he was about to start interpreting jervis's fortune when jack came back into the room with the breakfast he promised the other. well, talk about convenient timing.
Jervis merely rolled his eyes at Bartonâs remark, fingers biting into the fabric of the blanket as he pulled it around his shoulders like an old shawl. The plush material was a little threadbare at the corner; a tear disrupting the otherwise seamless fabric.
Sea-green and white plaid. Utilitarian, impersonal.
It sufficed perfectly; his thin frame was almost terminally intolerant to the cold. 27 years in Gotham had failed to inoculate him against the frigid rains and bone-chilling air sweeping off the harbor.
âTrust me, Iâm well aware where I would be, if it werenât for you both. I see enough of the place in my nightmares⌠so I donât require any reminders.â He flexed his fingers around the teacup, feeling the warmth seep into his hands as he cautiously tipped the liquid into his mouth. It had a strange, but not unpleasant consistency, like warm, thin honey that slid smoothly over his tongue in a tangy blend of sweet and sour. Tiny bits of softened citrus peel floated in the syrupy mixture.
Bartonâs IV pole scraped slightly along the concrete floor, a sharp metallic sound that mingled with the sudden rasp of the curtains being jerked shut. The room was clean and sparse, a sterile space designed to be free of clutter, yet a faint, telltale mustiness clung to the airâa lingering scent of damp fabric and stale dust that disinfectant alone couldnât quite mask. Beyond the makeshift partition, the rest of the warehouse stretched out in vast, dark emptiness. The floor was cold, unpolished concrete, marred with cracks that split like spider webs. Dim, flickering fluorescent lights cast a harsh, uneven glow, barely cutting through the haze of dust that swirled in the air.
But, of course, beggars couldnât be choosers when it came to hideawaysâespecially when youâve learned to take shelter wherever you can find it. Or when you were part of the criminal element.
How far heâd come and how little had truly changed.
Jervis glanced across the room at where his coat, shirt, and gloves rested neatly on the desk, carefully folded with almost surgical precision. He flexed his hands again around the teacup, feeling the phantom prickle of sensation where the wool-lined leather should beâan exposed vulnerability that gnawed at him, made his skin itch with invisible grime.
He sank his teeth into a particularly broad piece of yuja peel, the bitter tang releasing as he bit down; meanwhile, Bartonâs voice drifted in one ear, out the other like the static hum on a faulty wireless. He chewed slowly, savoring the rind as he turned his attention back to the small tear in the blanket. Nodded intermittently.
Jervisâ callused, scarred fingers found the frayed edge; the fabric was worn thin and splitting, and he traced it absentmindedly, feeling the uneven fibers beneath his touch. For a moment, his thoughts shifted to the sewing kit buried somewhere in his bag, imagining the small spool of thread and the thin, glinting needles; each one ready to pierce the fabric and pull it back together.
As if stitching this small wound would make any real difference, he thought bitterly; like it could somehow soothe the cold reality pressing in on them from all sides⌠It was a small, pointless task, a flicker of control in a situation that felt like it was slipping away, unraveling faster than he could sew it back together. He knew it wouldnât ameliorate anythingâwouldnât solve the problems looming larger than this tiny, frayed corner. And yet, his fingers lingered there, desperate for something tangible to fix; something he could make whole again, if only for a moment.
Jervis gave no reply as Barton moved to change his shirt; blinking hard as he gazed down at the floor, but the darkness behind his eyelids refused to stay empty. Flecks of indigo light bloomed in the black, shifting like dust motes that twisted with each beat of his heart. The room swam as he opened his eyes again, the ceiling blurred and murky like the styrofoam cup Alice stored her wet paintbrushes in. He scratched absently at the IV in his arm, feeling the tug of the thin plastic embedded in his skin but barely registering the discomfort. The bright pinpricks danced at the edges of his vision, trailing like little comets whenever he turned his head.
âYou ought to be proud of him, I imagine. Your son⌠he seems like a good lad.â Jervisâ voice was a wisp of silk, smooth and thin, like it might unravel into nothing if he spoke too loudly. He tilted his head slightly, almost resembling a marionette on a slack string, the hint of a smile touching his lips but never quite reaching his eyes. He ran a finger along the rim of his teacup, the motion delicate and deliberate as he pondered Bartonâs final query.
âHmm⌠can you?â Gray eyes blinked slowly, the lids heavy and sluggish, further dragged down by fatigue. The question lingered in the air, softly innocuous. He glanced over at the tarot cards Jack left behind on the deskâarranged in a rough, careless spread, but somehow feeling deliberate, as though the cards had fallen exactly where they were meant to. The edges were worn, curling slightly; the images esoteric, half-familiar symbols. Stars, sun, moon, cups and swords, animals and human figures rendered in faded colors.
He paused, gaze narrowing, subtly curious despite the exhaustion that weighed down his expression. For a moment, his hand tightened around his teacup; twitched like he might reach out and touch them, as if by brushing the surface he could glean some hidden answer buried beneath the painted ink.
âWhy, they're only a pack of cards, after all.â
His grip on the blanket slipped momentarily, fumbling at the worn edge before he reached for his collar instead. He dug beneath the charcoal fabric of his T-shirt, searching with a practiced motion until his fingers found the tarnished silver chain again. He drew it out slowly, the weight of it comforting against his skin as he absently ran his thumb over his and Sylvieâs rings, threaded side by side on the links.
The metal was dull, no longer shining with the luster it once had, but it carried a certain softness now, smoothed by years of worry. His eyes dropped for a second before he let the chain slip back beneath his shirt. âBy all means, if it tickles your fancyâŚâ Jervis gave a short, rough half-shrug, the motion stunted as though his shoulder couldnât quite decide whether to follow through.
#divingdownthehole#tw: grief.#tw: mentions of death.#tw: mentions of child death.#tw: negative thoughts.#OOH you used a quote from alice in wonderland in here? that is epic NGL though i don't think i know which one you used ahahhh#and AWW well gosh... you're going to make me blush now <33 but thank you so SO much for saying so + i just want you to know#that i enjoy writing with you a lot myself! but yeahhh i feel as if barton is a lot more quote unquote 'subdued' here than usual#but it kind of makes sense because this man hates being in the warehouse probably just as much as jervis honestly (': and with#everything that went on regarding the picture he found. all i can say to that is GAHHH but you're good!! don't even worry about it#i totally understand as i know i took a bit to reply to this one though that's just 'cause i want to give you the best quality reply#possible + sometimes i don't have much time to sit down and write but i did today tehe!!! but really? oh my gosh thank you VERY much-#for all of your kind words! it really means a lot to me that you not just like the little things i've put into his character but love them#;; like i don't even know what to say besides that makes me feel so happy!! but geezzz you're making me turn bright red like a tomato over#here now and simultaneously going to make me hashtag cry in the club. just the fact that he's fascinating to you is like... everything a#writer like me could dream of y'know? and i return the same feelings ten-fold because jervis is just SO interesting that i feel#like i can't get enough of roleplaying with your version of him (': but JSJSJ well alrighttt i'll try not to worry about the muse versus mu#thing then since you're being so sweet. and i thank you once more for that BUT đ THIS IS ME RN because you're also my bestie and-#being called a ray of sunshine is? possibly one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me?? so i'm giving you a big hug right now-#and letting you know i think you are an incredible human being. but yeahhh there's a UHHH whole terrible story behind that-#unfortunately but i'm just going to boil it down to: yves died and barton sought to essentially make him be a 'part' of him because#he actually has no idea how to healthily move on from... most relationships đŤ so he decided to do something TOTALLY normal-#and replace one of his arms with yves's (sarcasm) but TBH i have to say i wouldn't even blame you if you weren't joking about that-#because this man is seriously WILDING for that. like barton is absolutely 100 percent not okay no matter what he tries to tell other#muses đ
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ldr texts with head over heels enha hyung-line
heeseung - jongseong - jaeyun - sunghoon
warnings: not much, a bit suggestive, some profanity i think, uhhh mostly fluff tbh sjdfsk but always 18+ !!!
summary: texts with your long distant boyfriend who is just head over heels for you... some would say "down bad" for you.
copyright 2024 - present Š hoonieyun all rights reserved
all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.
if you enjoyed reading this please consider reblogging and following <3
#kiki diaries#enhypen#en-diaries#kpop#kpop au#kpop fic#kpop fanfic#kpop fanfiction#enha#fanfiction#enhypen au#enhypen fake texts#enha fake texts#enha x reader#enhypen x reader#heeseung x reader#lee heeseung#enhypen heeseung#jongseong x reader#park jongseong#enhypen jay#jake x reader#sim jaeyun#enhypen jake#sunghoon x reader#enhypen sunghoon#park sunghoon
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âDo you need something to drink?â
misao had been plagued with these terrible migraines for days. they always seemed to start in the same place, which was the base of her skull, and traveled up her head to her temples. and that wasn't even the worst part of it all. they had started to negatively affect her performance at work. so, now not only was she in physical stress, but mental stress as well. it had been taking a lot out of her just to listen to her patients and appear to give even the slightest damn about their issues whenever her head felt a bit like it was one of those pressurized instant cooking pots: prone to burst at any time given the right stimulus. thus, misao was taking the day off as per the warden of arkham's orders, despite the fact that she didn't want to.
and this was because the institution held her main food source within it. but she supposed she could survive on other things besides her patients themselves, for a few days. there was a time where misao had managed to survive on just insects after all. a sigh slipped through her lips, then, at the thought while she stared at the blaring light coming from the laptop screen in front of her. why was misao even trying to respond to work emails right now anyhow? the jorĹgumo knew that the only thing that she would get from it was an even bigger headache. the latest thing that misao had been dealing with in her workplace was another psychiatrist trying to get rid of his most 'difficult' patient by transferring them to her care, and she had found that to be pretty irritating.
it really was as if these out of network fellow doctors of hers thought that she was the person to dump treatment-resistant patients on when they got tired of them, rather than someone they should actually treat like one of their respected colleagues. misao was faced with the other just as she decided to close her laptop next and would've jumped up in surprise if she didn't stop herself at the very last second. gosh, did she wish people around here would announce themselves more often. a laugh that conveyed both a slight sense of nervousness and friendliness leaving misao's lips while her eyes focused on khare's, â oh, wow. hi â uhh, you were not just there a few seconds ago, were you? because i have to admit, you kind of scared me. i did not hear you at all. â
misao fixed the glasses she wore to sit atop her nose properly once more as she plastered the most well meaning smile that she could on her face. to be honest, she hadn't really thought too much about what she wanted to order yet, but misao supposed something simple like a water might calm that dreaded sense of nausea she was feeling along with the newfound pressure in her skull. 'now would be as good of a time as ever to start working, pain medicine,' misao thought to herself, â yeah. i'd love something to drink, actually. could you get me some water? you'd honestly be helping me a lot by just doing that, â keeping things short and sweet is just what misao preferred to do, especially around strangers, so that's exactly what she did.
although misao was hungry... attempting to eat someone like khare would be quite the risk since they were in public and that could mean that she could very much be potentially out herself in the process. so, once again, she supposed she'd just have to perform a little fast as she originally planned.
#oculusxcaro#AHH i'm still sort of getting used to portraying her if i'm being honest and she's quite different from both bunny-#mask + barton. BUT yeahhh i love how misao is basically like ' ehh i could survive on insects... but do i WANT to is the question?? '#like OMG. this girl is wildinggg LMAOO i mean the jorĹgumo in traditional japanese folklore were maneating creatures so it makes sense-#for her character to want to do that but the fact that she just thinks about it so casually is what does it for me JSJSJ like#alrightyyy then đ but anyhow... i know that this is a rather tame start to this all. however i promise you that things-#definitely have the capability to get more insane later on so uhhh stay tuned for that?? idk LOL but i hope you liked my reply to this!!#tw: cannibalism.#tw: mentions of insects.
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Yun Seo-yeon -â " ANIMAL CONTROL "
Every hunter has their origin story and most are steeped in the blood of a loved one-âand Seoyeon is no different. Born as the second eldest in what can only be described as a painfully average and healthy family, she had dreams of practicing animal medicine and had little worries save for juggling her studies and the social life typical of a young woman her age.
With the news of being accepted into a highly-regarded university, the family had decided on a celebratory trip abroad, well aware that once she began, there would be little time for much else.
One simple night was all it took to rapidly change the trajectory of her life. One wrong place, one wrong time and everything had come crashing to a halt, her old life and future ahead left as shattered pieces at her feet.
She couldn't tell you the creature the American hunter had been after, the creature whose life had been more important to take than her family's life had been to preserve. COLLATERAL, she'd come to know it as. The lives of her loved ones reduced to something as inconsequential as a meager word for this hunter to mumble later when recanting the situation.
She couldn't tell you a thing about the creature the hunter had been 'saving' mankind from, but she could tell you everything about HIM, about the monster slayer. His eyes, the curve of his nose, the way he had gripped the pistol he'd fired round after round from until both the creature and her family lay bleeding (SILVER bullets, she'd learned later). She could tell you the fleeting look he'd given her, how he'd fled (not like a brave hunter, but a COWARD). Most of all, she could recall the burning rage she'd felt in that moment. A clashing of grief and anger, hurt and unbridled fury.
Laid with the cooling bodies of her loved ones, so too laid her old life and the future she'd once strived for. The monster, the creature slain-ânow shifted into a mere man, another corpse amongst the rest. Here now resided who she would come to be.
She researched, she learned, she delved into a world previously hidden to her. She came to know every creature that went bump in the night and, more importantly, she came to know just exactly the sorts that hunted them. Many had noble intentions and many held their codes and had their systems in place-âbut some, far too many were reckless. Stricken with grief and rage like she and it had made them careless, made them selfish. They hunted without regard to anything else, blind to anything beyond their own violent goals, uncaring as to the corpses they left in their wake as long as the big bad monster was amongst them.
Dogs, she'd thought. Like hunting dogs gone rabid. No longer helpful, but feral and violent. They were like rabid dogs and someone needed to put them down. And so she did. In a world that held no checks and balances, she became them. In a world where these hunters played judge, jury, and executioner...so too did she become theirs.
She came to hold the reputation of ANIMAL CONTROL, a hushed and whispered and often spat moniker uttered like a cautionary tale to those who toed the line just a bit too closely. A reminder to hunters of the supernatural to keep their heads clear and their intentions pure and just and their hunts free of 'collateral' lest they have animal control on their trail.
#cw long post#uhhh god what else do i tag this#cw dogs#cw animal death#just mentions and like literary uHHHH whats the word. comparisons??? metaphors? not anything literal#(;npcs)#anyway i did it here she is i love her my little feral meow meow#she also hunts supernatural creatures often dont get it twisted#she's just a big supporter of innocent ppl above all else so if you fuck with that she's gonna fuck with you#but her primary uhhh lmao targets are idiot hunters who are like so revenge hungry they fuck up other ppls lives in the process#she hasnt interacted in universe with clark yet she's def more of a character in Liluthe's sphere (and not just#because i have them kiss eventually as end game ok)#anyway posts this and passes out#I'm thinking she goes by Ani for short#arachno stop making npcs challenge lmAO. IN MY DEFENSE SHE'S BEEN IN MY HEAD AWHILE GO AWAAAAY
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when the fratboy falls
fratboy!Jaehyun x tutor!reader
summary: Jaehyun is a fratboy with a notorious reputation for being a playboy, you have never heard of him. surely, he can use tutoring as an excuse to get close to you, right?
word count: 8.9k
warnings: swearing, fuckboy behavior, mentions of alcohol and weed, characters consuming alcohol, based on ages in this fic- underage drinking, mentions of sexual acts, a very brief scenario where a non-nct-fratboy verbally harasses/drunkenly flirts, confusing ages/age changes between members (just don't think about it :)), Americanized college described (I'm American), pet names (sweetie, sweets, sweeteart) in order to avoid using y/n, uhhh I think that's it, lmk if I missed anything!
a/n: oh my god this feels like it's been a long time coming, I hope you all enjoy the origins of Jaehyun and Sweetheart and grow to love them even more! Feedback is appreciated!Â
This fic is a part of my fratboy!jaehyun universe but can be read as a stand alone fic! (itâs the origin story)
dividers from plutism <3
taglist! @luv4jeno @vvx3 @mmjhh1998 @bluedbliss @soheendo
@lovesuhng @i4kt @johnjaesblog @sunghoonsgfreal @leemoonna
@cbgisland @yowmaman @cryingforjae @nanaissour @kongjjen
You should be in a club right now, you and all your friends should be getting drinks bought for you in the flashing neon lights of a crowded room. You should be dancing like the girls in all the college movies with your hands up, tangled in your own hair, and dancing to the beat of the music pulsing through the room.Â
But you werenât there! You were stuck in the godforsaken library being proactive by studying for your staggered midterms starting in two weeks. You hated your professors for giving horribly detailed study guides that actually required you to work on them this early on. It was as if they had all conspired to make them as detailed and long as possible and to make them span two weeks.
Your eyes were burning from staring at the screen in front of you, the books laid out around you had barely been touched since you found the information you needed, and your pencil was lost somewhere in the pages of your notebook where you had been taking notes. Right now, your fingers were itching to grab your phone and scroll through some sort of entertainment, but you knew you couldnât.Â
Youâd been doing so well studying for a good- wow, almost 3 hours, until the rowdiest group of guys came in and started making this experience even worse for you. Theyâd come in about half an hour ago and had been the worst examples of library goers since they took their seats two tables away from you.Â
âThose guys are such a pain in the ass,â your roommate, Ari, mumbled under her breath.
Your friend, Kira, shot a look in their direction and immediately rolled her eyes, âFrat guys, Nu Chi. Iâm not surprised.â
You peeked over at the group of guys catching the Greek letters on various pieces of clothing worn within the group. The âÎΧΤâ was was patched onto some hats, hoodies, and t-shirts- the bright green of the letters made it easier to see. You trailed your eyes over the guys in the group. Some look like theyâd just woken up, one was asleep, another two were actually studying, and one was looking right at you.Â
Your eyes widened in surprise, you hadnât meant to get caught staring. His handsome face fell into a smirk as you saw his eyes trail you up and down. Your face got hot and you snapped your head back to the half undone study guide on your screen. Fuck, fuck, fuck. How embarrassing!
Jaehyun smirked at your embarrassed state, biting his lip as he stared at your panicked return to your studying. Thank you Taeyong for getting this table. You were cute, messy hair, comfy looking sweater, and tired eyes. He liked cute.Â
You tried as hard as you could to focus on the study guide in front of you but the heat of this guyâs gaze was distracting you. You peeked up again, catching his eye and feeling your face get warm once again when his right eye dropped in a wink.
You looked away quickly, facing your friends and covering your mouth from his view, âdonât be obvious, but one of those frat guys has been staring at me for the past 10 minutes.â
Both their heads turned at the same time, catching sight of the guy. Ariâs eyes widened as her head snapped back to you, âthatâs Jung Jaehyun, bitch!â
You stared at her like sheâd grown another head, âdoes he play sports or something? Am I supposed to know who he is?â
��Heâs just one of the hottest guys at this university. My roommate knows like four girls who have slept with him and not a single one of them complained. Apparently, heâs pretty good in bed. You should get on it,â Kira explains in a conspiratorial whisper.
âDonât be gross, I don't want to be another notch in his bedpost or name on his roster. Iâm not like that,â you sigh as you begin closing up the books spread around you on the table.Â
âI know, Iâm just saying it could be fun for you. Donât let him use you, you use him,â Kira offers with a smug smile.
You chuckle, gathering your things, âwhatever, Iâm going back to the dorm. If I read another word my brain will melt into mush. Iâll see you guys later.â
You stood from the table, your arms full of the books youâd borrowed so you could take them back to the front desk. You heard a chair scrape against the floor as you left your area and passed by tables of scattered peers also studying or at least attempting to study.
âHere, let me help you with those,â a deep voice came from behind you.
You stopped, turning your head to see that it was Jaehyun, the guy from the table. âOh, itâs alright. Thank you though,â you smiled politely while continuing your journey to the librarianâs desk.
âHey, child development books. Now that I think about it your pretty face did look familiar. Do you you take it with Professor G on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 2? Iâm Jung Jaehyun,â He explained as he walked with you. Clearly, he wasn't at all put off by you dismissing him.
âThat class has like 200 people, how would you recognize me?â You asked Jaehyun, sending the librarian a kind smile in thanks before telling him your own name as you walked toward the doors of the library.
Jaehyun walked with you, holding the door open for you, âI never forget a pretty face. But hey, listen, I gotta say Iâve been struggling quite a bit with all the materials we need to know for the midterm. You always answer questions and Professor G compliments your work, would you be down to help me study? Like a tutor?â
You came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs outside the library. You bit the inside of your lip, contemplating whether or not you should help him. On one hand, you really understood the material and you would be more than capable enough to help him, and you had some time. On the other hand, did he really need help studying or was this one of his methods for getting you alone so he could work his charm to get you in his bed? âYou donât even know me, Iâm sure thereâs someone you know in the class that can help you.â
Jaehyunâs mouth opens quickly, âBut I know you know the materials. Come on, please.â
You shook your head, he was cute, you had the time to help him, but your pride was getting in your way.Â
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Any other girl would have jumped at the opportunity to spend time with him, time alone with him. You were different, making him work for it. And he knew you wanted him. He saw the way youâd been checking him out. He looked at the trees, his eyes brightening as an idea hit him, âhow about this. If you help tutor me, Iâll let you and your friends in to every Nu Chi party for free for the rest of the semester.â
You hummed, that was a pretty good offer, âbut Iâve never even been to any of your parties. Weâre not usually the party type.â
Geez you were making this almost impossible for him, âfine. You and your friends can still get into the rest of the parties for free and Iâll connect you with some of my older frat brothers who can help you with any other class you need help with.â
You hummed, that was a pretty good offer, âDo you have a math guy? I really need help in stats.â
Jaehyun, let out a quiet breath of relief, âYeah, Doyoung is a computer science major or something. Even if heâs not, heâs a genius and thereâs about 4 other guys who could help you. Weâre not all idiots, you know?â
âJust you?â You smile at him teasingly.Â
He chuckles deeply, âyeah, just me. So yes? Youâll help me.â
âFine,â you drag out playfully, âI can find you on instagram to set up the meeting?â
He nods handing his phone to you so you can follow yourself. You hand his phone back to him, âI guess Iâll talk to you soon.â
The next time you see Jaehyun is at 9:48 on the following Saturday. Youâve been sitting in a study room nervously adjusting and readjusting the position of your laptop, then your notebook, then your pencil. Your coffee sits untouched beside your phone, face up to see if, and really when, Jaehyun will decide to message you and cancel. The session was supposed to start at 9:30, but there had been very few people walking through the door. None of which were Jaehyun.
Youâd decided you would give him 10 more minutes and then youâd leave. You had better ways to be spending a Saturday than waiting in a study room alone like a mega loser for some guy you barely knew. A guy that was just trying to get in your pants no doubt.
With 2 minutes left you began to pack up your things. You knew it was too good to be true. Why had you even begun to think he was actually interested in studying? With the way heâd been undressing you with his eyes, there was no way he wanted to actually study with you. You were such an idiot! He was probably fast asleep, hung over, in his bed with a poor girl heâd managed to trick into sleeping with him. If you could even calling it tricking her- he was actually a good looking guy, charming, likable, and persuasive. Ugh! Why were you thinking about him like that?!Â
You closed your laptop and slid your chair out, reaching for your bag when finally the door to the study room opened.
There stood Jung Jaehyun, red cheeked, tired looking, and out of breath, âI slept through my alarm. Iâm hungover as a motherfucker right now, but Iâm here. Did you just get here?â
You were frozen, âIâve been waiting for almost 20 minutes. I was packing up to leave.â
âHow are you not hungover? Last night was a major rager.â
âI didnât go to the party,â You told him quietly, almost shyly. You pulled your laptop out again and pulled up the necessary tabs for the material for today.
Jaehyun stared at you confused, a slight hint of wonder, and another hint of admiration. âBut I gave you free entry for the rest of the semester. You and your friends. I can think of something else to make this more worth your while.â
You deadpanned, âIâm not sleeping with you Jung Jaehyun, have some respect. Iâm doing you a favor.â
Jaehyun flushed, his mouth falling open silently. He shook his head quickly, almost in worry, âthatâs not what I meant. God, Iâm sorry. I just meant that since you are doing me a favor and you havenât exactly used any of what I offered to your advantage, maybe youâd want something else more your style. You can still have access to my smart bros, but maybe you want some food instead of the parties? A couple of the ladies in the dining hall love me and they give me food for free. I can pass that along if you want.â
You bit your lip, contemplating your answer, âItâs fine, the parties seem cool. I mean- Iâve never been to one, but I didnât want to leave the wrong impression showing up hungover.â
Jaehyun flushed, suddenly very interested in the screen in front of him, he was embarrassed. Of course he made a bad second impression. He was the idiot that showed up hungover! âShould we get started?â he asked. It was clear you cared about school or at least doing well and wanted to make a good impression even when he was obviously thinking with his dick. Now, he felt like a total dick.
You nodded and began explaining what you had planned for this session. You had planned for the two of you would complete part 1 of the study guide, only a handful of questions and youâd review the slides used by the professor to help Jaehyun with anything he had trouble with.Â
Jaehyun began to zone out after the third level of the hierarchy of needs. His eyes were zeroed in on the plastic cup on the opposite side of the table. The writing was mess but he could make out the order, a chai latte, oatmilk, a double shot of espresso, and 3 pumps of caramel syrup over ice. Heâd never had a chai latte but it sounded really good. He wondered if the ice had melted own and ruined the coffee from making you wait so long. He did feel bad about that. He really didnât mean to oversleep. He was proactive, heâd set an alarm for 9 oâclock, just enough time to shower, throw up, and walk to campus to meet you in the library. But at some point in the party last night someone had offered him a shot and as Social Chair, he couldnât refuse. Well, he could, but he wasnât known to unless it was his weekend to be sober and it wasnât. Nu Chi Tau had a reputation to uphold, a reputation he upheld with pride.Â
âSo in the final level of the pyramid we have self-actualization, what this means isâŚâ he heard you say, then he got distracted again. This time by you. The way your mouth moved to form the words, your lips looked soft, he wondered what kind of lip balm you used, what flavor it was, did they taste like that chai latte- WHAT?! Who was this voice invading his head?! What was this about unity and understanding you were saying?
He tuned into what you were saying, again, hoping his brain would allow him to stay focused, âsince this is the highest level, not a whole lot of people ever get here. On the study guide make sure you add a note about only 2% of people ever reaching this level. I wouldnât put it past Professor G to ask a question like that on the midterm.â
Jaehyunâs pencil scratched against a loose sheet of paper youâd let him have. âThis is probably a really bad time to tell you I also forgot my laptop. Do you mind if I use yours, next time Iâll bring it. I promise.â
You sighed deeply, sending him a light-hearted glare, âHere. Let me know if you need help answering any of the questions. Letâs try to have part 1 done before we meet next time, some time during the week, if that works for you?â
âYeah, maybe we can do Thursday before class and then weâll see each other on Friday at the party?â Jaehyun asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could.
You bit your lip, mulling over his offer. His stare was intense, he was mentally crossing his fingers that youâd say yes. And god, why did you look so cute biting your lip?!
âHey, Iâll be your personal host for the night. You obviously wonât have to drink if you donât want to, I know all the areas that have more free space if you get overwhelmed, and I will see to it that you get back to your room safely. I promise youâll have a safe and good night. Thatâs a Nu Chi Social Chair guarantee,â he pledged, complete with a hand over his heart.
You rolled your eyes, he was such a dork. âFine, but donât show up late to the next study session or else I'm dropping you. You can fail for all I care.â
Jaehyun feels his heart skip a beat, not only would he fail the class without your help, heâd also fail you and for some reason that sounded worse. He was definitely going to show up on time.
True to his word heâd even gone as far as showing up early on Thursday. He had completed part 1 of the study guide, and even flagged some areas he needed help with. You had been thoroughly impressed, even a little surprised. So to keep your part of the bargain you were standing outside the Nu Chi frat house with Ari and Kira. The party was already in full swing. The music was so loud that you felt the bass beneath your feet on the road across the street.Â
âFinally! Iâve been waiting for this since our first semester to come to one of these parties!â Ari clapped excitedly.
You turned to stare at her with a look of pure confusion, âyou did. Literally the first weekend here at school. You came to the dorm that night and told me you had no interest in men after a man gave you the âamateur DJ special,â but you kissed a girl after and claimed to have fallen in love.â
âSo I came out to you twice? Why didnât you tell me?â She asked in shock.
Kira groaned, âboth of you shut up. Letâs go.â She grabbed your arm and led you and Ari into the chaos.
Upon entering, a wave of musky funk hit your nostrils. A nasty concoction of weed, alcohol, sweat, beer, and BO. There were people cheering in the center of the hallway playing beer pong, a crowd of people grinding in the living room to r&b music, the sliding door to the back yard was open and showed people doing keg stands before flipping into the pool. This was just above and beyond. Every other frat party in town had crowded living rooms with beer being sloshed around in plastic cups, but this was a full on experience. It was as if they had seen every college movie with parties and brought them to life. You might never admit it, but you were even a little impressed.
You all moved through the bodies to the kitchen to get yourself some drinks and you looked around to observe those around you. The kitchen was strangely more empty than you thought it would be, but the party had been going on for almost 2 hours so maybe people were already too drunk to care about getting more alcohol. There was a couple making out in one corner, a group of girls sipping on seltzers all gathered around a phone, and a few drunk people snacking on some chips.
You sipped on your drink, not even noticing that someone new had taken stance beside you, âhey, Iâve never seen you around here before. You a freshman?â
Your face turned into one of poorly-concealed judgement while you studied him. He looked like a freshman himself, probably fresh out of the womb. He had cute chubby cheeks, wide eyes, and a shaggy hairstyle that made him look younger than he likely was. You laughed as you thought about his tacky line and turned to him with raised brows, âIâm in the middle of my fourth semester here. Are you a freshman? You look like you just left 8th grade, little guy.â
He scoffed, huffed, and rolled his eyes, âIâm in my second semester, Iâm not some first semester loser. Iâm not some kid. Iâm actually almost 19. In 3 weeks.â
âCongrats,â you chuckle, taking a sip of your drink, âwhatâs your name?â
He flips his hair back with some weird swagger taking over him, âIâm Haechan, I hold the Nu Chi record for longest bender. Six whole days.â
Your eyes widen in shock and you almost choke on your drink, âthat canât have been healthy.â
Another guy stands beside Haechan with a can of beer in his hand, âit wasnât. He also spent âsix whole daysâ in the hospital right after. You canât keep bragging about it without providing more context. Normal people get concerned, not impressed, bro.â
âGod! Mark! You kill the vibe every time I try to make my move!â Haechan yells before turning to you and speaking softly, âyou should come to my birthday party.âÂ
The two continue bickering and you make your way back to your friends to refill your cup. An unfamiliar arm slings around your and Ariâs shoulders. You had expected it to be Haechan, a harmless kid, or Jaehyun who you knew and had promised to be your guide, but instead it was another guy completely. He smelled awful, a sick mix of weed, sweat, and Axe body spray.Â
His words were slurred and he was clearly using you and Ari to stay upright, âLadies, what brings you beauties to this shitty party? You know, Alpha Sig throws better parties, we got one goinâ on tomorrow night. You ladies should come by. Youâll get front of the line access, especially you.â He tugs Ari closer to him.
Ari cringes and tries to pull away from his hold, âyou have no idea how much that turned me off. Go away, you smell like a preteen boy.â
âI can be your boy,â he slurs, his hot breath hitting her face. She wretches and dry heaves with the scent of his breath.
âTyler, what the fuck are you doing here? You know youâre fucking banned. Get your ass out of here, and take any of your brothers that snuck in with you,â you hear Jaehyunâs voice. Itâs surprisingly loud and stern. He speaks with confidence and command and you hate that it makes you question how you see him. He was just hot before but now heâs even more attractive, protective, and strong. Shit, what was in this drink?
You feel a sense of relief at the sound of the familiar voice. Tyler turns and begins arguing, his words barely comprehensible before a taller guy in a Nu Chi Theta shirt drags him out of the house.Â
Once heâs out of sight Jaehyun turns to your small group with a much more relaxed voice, âIâve been looking for you girls all night. Come out back, itâs way more chill. I had a pledge in charge of keeping an eye out for you, sorry he sucks.â
You all follow him out of the crowded house to the backyard and past the keg stands and to a small circle of benches where it is way calmer. These must be the older members of the frat hang out. Jaehyun smiles and introduces his brothers and they all apologize for Tylerâs behavior.Â
Taeyong the frat president and Jaehyunâs Big, Johnny the Vice President, Doyoung the secretary, and Yuta the treasurer, which he was quickly explained he was forced to take up the role.
âI swear, the pledges get more and more useless every semester. The last good set was Mark and Haechan,â the one who had been introduced as Taeyong sighed.
Jaehyun goes to argue after rolling his eyes, but your snort interrupts him. Jaehyun turns to you as if to ask what was up. You shake your head, âHaechan tried to hit on me in the kitchen. Then Mark came in and they started arguing,â you explain.
Jaehyun laughs with a nod, taking a sip from his drink, âsounds like them.â
You all make conversation for a couple hours, laughing and getting to know each other. They share crazy party stories, embarrass each other with the occasional scolding to party-goers who are getting too rowdy out back or inside. They complain about their classes and upcoming finals, and in turn you and your friends complain about your own. Youâre even able to make some connections for help with stats like you needed or the opportunity to look at some other memberâs notes from similar classes.Â
Yuta turns to you with a look of realization on his face, âhey, were you in the library about a week ago?â You nod and he continues with a smug smile, âyou know, youâre like a living legend around here. You really knocked Jaehyun down a peg, first girl to ever not fall for his charm. Now, heâs actually studying. Itâs amazing!â
You donât see it because Ari suddenly falls from the bench, but Jaehyun punches Yutaâs shoulder with bright red cheeks. You and Kira help Ari up and begin saying your goodbyes, promising Yuta that you want to continue the conversation.
Jaehyun follows you guys out. He opens up the side gate and takes the brunt of Ariâs weight while you all walk back to your dorm building, which thankfully isnât far.Â
Ari nearly stumbles into a bush outside your building and plays it off with a, âI was getting you your favorite flowers, sweetie!â She pushes a crumpled pink azalea flower into you palm and you thank her while getting her upright and steady.
You and Jaehyun walk her into the lobby and from there Kira leads Ari into the elevator and she sends you a tipsy wink which is impossible to ignore.Â
You flush with embarrassment, shesâs so obvious. âThanks for walking us home, but you didnât have to do that. You have a party to return to, Mister Social Chair. Thereâs probably some girl you had your eye on tonight, you could have missed your chance.â
âIt was my sober weekend anyway and I promised to be your guide. No one else but you held my attention tonight,â he shrugs, âI just hope Tyler didnât discourage you from coming to any future parties. Or even Yuta.â
âI got a personal invite to Haechanâs nasty 19. Plus, I think the brothers of Nu Chi would love to have a living legend in attendance, Iâll be there,â you smile while tucking the crumpled up flower behind your ear to distract yourself from his offhand admission of you holding his attention
Jaehyun feels his heart beat a little faster. It had to be the single beer he had earlier, or were crumpled up flowers always this pretty on girls who teased him? Was it the flower or could it be your teasing? He blinked a few times, forcing his brain to work for one of its intended purposes- speaking. âThat one will be smaller. Iâm not sure about calmer, but smaller for sure. Before that though, we have a couple more study sessions right?â He asks, changing the subject.
âYeah, we need to finish off parts 2 and 3 of the study guide. The midterm is two Thursdays away, so letâs try to meet this Tuesday after class.â
âAye, aye, Captain. Iâll have notes and everything.â He salutes you like a dork.Â
You snort out a laugh, which he automatically files stores as a sound he likes hearing and wants to hear again. âIâll see you in class.âÂ
He leaves with a wave and his hands shoved in his pockets. He walked back with a nice pep in his step. The stars looked brighter, he felt a giddiness he hadnât felt in years. It was weird, but he liked it. He wanted to feel it more often. When he got to the party, he went right back to his room, alone, ready to bask in his new, light feeling. He liked this feeling, he wanted to feel it all the time.
You enter your room to find Ari passed out on the floor under a blanket from your bed and Kira happily cuddled up in her bed. You send Kira a raised brow, âyour room isnât even that far away.â
âHey, I worked hard to get her here. I deserve this,â she huffs, setting her phone aside before she sends you a mischievous grin, âyou and Jaehyun, huh?â
âKira, Iâm tutoring him. Thatâs all,â you sass back while changing into your pajamas.
She huffs out a humorless laugh, âsure, because Jung Jaehyun walks girls back to their dorms all the time.â
âHeâs a frat boy but heâs not an asshole. We donât even know heâs never done that before. Youâre starting shit, Drunk Kira.â
âAll Iâm saying is, everyone else has gotten an Uber home or a pledge to walk them home. He didnât even sleep with you and you got a personal escort while a party was still going on.â
You pull the sheets over your head, hating how youâre already over thinking an action that should be the bare minimum. She laughs drunkenly and youâre glad she canât see the blush sheâs put on your cheeks.
On Tuesday, you get to class before Jaehyun, like usual. You wonât admit youâre now keeping an eye out for him⌠but you are. You place your phone on the desk and pull your notebook out of you backpack and open to where your notes left off.Â
Someone takes the seat right beside you as your brows furrow, watching a dried azalea flutter out onto the floor from your notebook.Â
âWow, another one. Ari wasnât kidding when she said there were your favorites,â you head Jaehyunâs voice as he places the flower back on your desk.
Your face still shows confusion, reading the pink glittery note from Ari in your notebook. âSorry for making you drag my drunk ass back home :( forgive me sweetieâ. You chuckle, âAriâs version of an apology. Sorry, hi. Do you always sit in this row?â
âHell no, I usually slip in about 30 minutes late and find a spot in the back. Today, Iâm hoping that your smartness radiates off you and I absorb it. In other words, whenever you copy notes, Iâm going to copy notes,â he ultimately simplifies.
âGeez, no wonder you need tutoring for this class. Do you have a paper? Pencil? Laptop? Something to take notes?â
âIâm not dumb,â he states, pulling out a singular sheet of paper and a pen with no cap. God, he probably has nothing but those 2 things and a protein bar with his laptop in his backpack right now. Heâs like a kindergartner. All you can do is sigh before Professor G starts going through the slides of the day and lecturing. You can see him from the corner of your eye writing when you writing and fiddling with his pen, twirling it through his fingers. You try to suppress a smile, youâre a little proud of him right now. Just a little bit.
After class finishes you both make your way to the library and you force yourself to ignore the looks being thrown your way. In reality no one is really looking at you, more like looking at the infamous campus celebrity following you to the elevators.Â
Getting to the study room is easy enough with nearly every girlâs eyes on your study buddy making you feel anxious and self-conscious. Jaehyun doesn't seem to notice though, and goes about getting out his laptop as normal. For the first few minutes of your session you both input new material into the study guides. Then you get into his confusion on the questions.
You begin to explain some ecological something he had flagged and all Jaehyun can think is, âwhy does child development have so many shapes?â
Your eyes widen in shock, your mouth opening to respond before you burst into a fit of laughter, using your hands to muffle the sound. Jaehyun smiles at the sound, something about you is growing on him, making him feel things he hasnât felt since his high school girlfriend. Fuck.
You smile, simplifying this theory for him before you calm down. âCan I ask you something?â
He nods, âof course.â He finishes up typing his notes, writing them in the way you explained because you made it so much easier for him to understand.Â
âWhy are you taking a child development class? This doesnât really seem like your thing.â
âIt fulfills one of my general requirements. My first and second choice were filled up, and Taeyong is an education major. He convinced me to take it, so here I am.â
âSo you do have someone else to help you studyâŚâ you trail off, âwhy ask me? Taeyong is probably more knowledgeable about this than I am.â
He clears his throat, looking away from you, âheâs really busy. Making lesson plans and making us act like students.â He doesnât want to tell you that it was because you were cuter and prettier. That when he first met you he wanted to sleep with you, but now you make him feel feelings heâd buried deep, deep down. Plus, Taeyong was actually very strict when he tutored Jaehyun. He didnât let Jaehyun get distracted, snapped in his face, corrected all his work too closely. He scared Jaehyun when he was in teacher mode.
âOkay, one more question. So you told us on Friday that you had a pledge keep an eye out for me, Ari, and Kira. How would a pledge know what I looked like?â
Jaehyun blushes, his cheeks feel hot, he starts mumbling, âgave him a general description of you or whatever.â
You lean in, poking his cheek, itâs soft, âyouâre lying. Did you make him stalk me or something? Did he stand outside one of my classes? This has been haunting me.â
He laughs at your exaggeration, âhaunting you? No, he didnât stalk you or follow you. I uh, I sent him a screenshot of one of your Instagram posts.â
You tried and failed to suppress a smile, your own face getting hot now, âso you have a picture of me saved on your phone? Which picture did you pick? I have some pictures of me at the beach-â
Jaehyun perks up, âreally? I havenât seen those yet. Are they recent?â He pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens Instagram.Â
You snatch his phone from his hand, âdonât make it weird, pervert. I was just starting to like you. Seriously though, which picture was it?â
He shakes his head with a smile, âit was a picture of you with Ari and Kira, so he knew what all of you looked like. Is that a good enough answer? Give me my phone back.â Heâs choosing to save you the embarrassment by ignoring the fact that you had just admitted you liked him.
You slide the phone back with your eyes narrowed, assessing him. âFine. Letâs finish part two, we only have a few questions left.â
When you see him next, itâs one week before the midterm. Youâre sitting in your usual seat in the auditorium with your notebook out waiting for Professor G to come in. Ari is texting you about some cute guy she saw. Kira is sending you memes about dogs. Your phone has all your attention.
Jaehyun comes in, five minutes early, making his way down the aisle to the empty seat beside you. He smiles awkwardly and apologetically as people move their backpacks out of the way and send him enamored smiles.
He plops into the seat beside you unceremoniously and loudly. You send him a look that shows him you are far beyond unimpressed by his lack of decorum. Then he sets something on your desk.Â
âWhat is this for?â You ask with your brows raised.Â
He shrugs, keeping himself busy by pulling out whatever he needs to take notes. âItâs a flower, sweetheart. Isnât it obvious?â
âI know what it is, asshole. Why is it on my desk?â You ask bluntly. From anyone else âsweetheartâ would be condescending, but you like hearing his voice say it. Ew.
âI was walking to class and it flew in front of my face. I stomped all over it, danced on it, spit on it, and then I thought it would be nice to give to you.â He answers with a casual shrug of his shoulders, his eyes locked on the huge projector screen while everyone waits for the professor to set up the slides.
You push his shoulder playfully, preparing to reply but class starts. He lied again. The flowers donât fly off anything because the bushes they grow on are too low to the ground. He didnât stomp on it because it was perfectly in tact. It was round and the color was vibrant with no wilted petals. He had picked it just for you.Â
You study him in your peripheral, a soft look on your face which youâre glad he canât see since heâs busy taking notes. You force yourself to pay attention, tucking the flower behind your ear before catching up on the slides youâd missed.
Jaehyun catches a blur of pink, out of the corner of his eye he can see you tucking the flower behind your ear. He feels himself blush, and suddenly isnât so mad that he took the long way to class just to find you that flower. They might be his favorite flower now too.
Itâs the Tuesday before your child development midterm and Jaehyun is waiting for you in the study room heâs booked. Class was cancelled today, it was the least Professor G could do after giving you all so much material to cover. It was 10:16 and Jaehyun was feeling weird. You were always early or at the very least on time, and you werenât here yet. He scrolled through your DMs to be sure you had both agreed to meet at ten, and there it was, âSee you at 10 :)âÂ
He was busy typing out a message to you when you came into the room. You were panting, hair a mess, and an oversized, comfy looking sweater, and tired eyes. You looked just like you did the first time Jaehyun saw you and felt his breath hitch in his throat.Â
âIâm so sorry Iâm late. My 9 oâclock class ran over, because there was a surprise essay addition to the midterm. I didnât think I was going to take all the time the professor gave us because I studied all night for this midterm and I knew what I was doing, but the essay threw me for a loop. Iâm an anxious test take as is so the essay ruined all the calmness I had built up and-â your ramble is cut short.Â
Jaehyun places his hands on your shoulders. He squeezes them lightly, âBreathe, sweetheart.â He makes a show of breathing in and out until you nod, showing him youâre fine.Â
âSorry, I feel bad for running late. Are you good? Have you been waiting long?â You ask in a much more relaxed voice.
Jaehyun waves you off with a nonchalant wave of his hand, âIâm good. I only have a few questions for part three so this wonât take up much of your time and you can get back to your place and relax. But now Iâm wondering if I should give you thisâŚâ He holds up a familiar plastic cup, the contents looking like the perfect shade of brown you hadnât consumed this morning. Your mouth waters and you reach for the cup, but Jaehyun pulls it out of your reach. âPromise me, the caffeine isnât going to make you more anxious. I donât want to be held responsible if you have a panic attack later.â
âPlease, Jaehyun,â you whine, âI need coffee.â
He smirks, handing you the cup and watching as you take a drink from the straw eagerly. Your brows furrow in confusion. You expected some vanilla latte, or a caramel coffee of some kind. Instead, you taste your usual order. You taste your iced chai latte with oatmilk, double shot of espresso, and 3 pumps of caramel syrup.
âDid Ari tell you my order?â You ask with pure curiosity.
âI remember your order from our first study session. Itâs actually really good.â He tells you casually, taking a long drink from his own straw.
âYou remember my order from our first study session almost two weeks ago?â You can feel your heartbeat getting faster, and itâs not the caffeine.Â
âI was tired and hungover, and you were talking about the pyramid thing and my brain couldnât focus. So I focused on your cup instead. Are we studying or what?â
âAlright, yeah. Thank you, for waiting and for the coffee,â you reply.
He smiles at you, a soft smile that some part of your brain interprets as an affectionate smile for some reason, âno problem.â
You both get through the study guide, flipping through notes and making it easier to understand.Â
Before you know it, the study session is over and the midterm comes even faster.Â
Jaehyun sends you a wink, holding his knuckles out for a fist bump. His voice is a quiet whisper as the rest of the class gets the test and gets started, âyou got this, sweetheart.â
You feel your heart soar, you want to get up and do a happy dance. Thereâs just too much giddiness in our body right now. Instead you settle for, âyou too.â
This was supposed to be a smaller party? The music is louder, you can hear people shouting, cheering, and the sound of people jumping in the pool. Now the card you brought feels dumb. You barely know Haechan anyway. Why did you come?
âI can hear your thoughts, sweets. Weâre already here, weâre going to have a good time. Letâs go,â Ari tells you. She knows you too well.Â
You donât argue and let her and Kira guide you into the house. It is smaller, itâs less crowded than the first Nu Chi party you came to, but still full. Thereâs more room to move around the party, it smells less like BO and thankfully, no sign of anyone from Alpha Sig.Â
Ari leads you all back to the kitchen, a familiar routine of starting your night with some alcohol. Jungle juice probably. Some kind of mix of alcohol and juices that will give you an awful hangover if you drink enough of it.Â
âYou came!â A voice screeches before someone embraces you. âI knew, Mark hadnât ruined my chances. God heâs an idiot, but you came, for me.â
âGet off her, you little weirdo,â you hear Jaehyun before Haechan is pulled off you. Jaehyun holds him by the back of his shirt and Haechan tries to fight it.Â
You laugh, reaching in to hug Haechan, heâs a cutie. âYou invited us, I also,â you grab the card youâd set on the counter and hand it to him, âgot you this.â
âFor me?!â His eyes light up.
âItâs just a gift card. I wasnât sure what you liked but I donât like to show up on peopleâs birthdays empty handed. So uh, happy birthday,â you smile awkwardly, leaning in to give him another quick hug.
Jaehyun grunts, pulling Haechan back when he snakes his arms around you for too long. Haechan begins to whine and argue but quiets down when Jaehyun sends him a look of warning. Jaehyun loops an arm around your shoulders, âAri and Kira are already out back, come on.âÂ
You let Jaehyun guide you out of the house again, let his arm fall from your shoulders to your waist. You like him being so close, wrapped around you like this. You like him being protective, a little possessive, and shit- you think you might like him.Â
The same guys greet you in the same spot as last time. This time, Yuta and Johnny are drunker than the last party. âItâs Sweets!â Johnny cheers and you shoot your friends a blank look. That was a nickname from them, so heâd obviously gotten it from them. A nickname you felt neutral about in your small group since it was kind of cute. You were unsure of its origins but you were almost certain it came from a late night snack run you all made during your first hang out. Everyone got their own snacks that night, but you were the only one to leave with an armload of sweet snacks.Â
âItâs nice to see you again. With Jaehyun,â Yuta smiles mischievously.Â
Jaehyunâs arm drops from your waist and you miss the warmth it provided, the feeling of security, safety. You take a drink of the cup in your hand, hoping that the alcohol will help distract from the weird empty feeling you suddenly have. You sit beside Kira and join the conversation, letting the stress of midterms leave you while you vent and listen to everyone else rant about the tests, projects, and professors.Â
You eventually come to the bottom of your cup and get up, offering to get anyone else a drink too. Taeyong joins you on your way back to the kitchen. You reach for the ladle in the giant bowl of jungle juice, already feeling a slight buzz from your first cup. Taeyong stops and chats with some people on the far side of the kitchen. A group of girls come into the kitchen and begin talking while grabbing beers.Â
âI donât know, itâs kind of weird to be here and not be hit on by him you know? Itâs been pretty consistent at every party. Tonight I was going to finally give in,â one girl sighs.
âGirl, I think that ship has sailed. Heâs been seen with the same girl for a few weeks now. I tried to hit on him at the last party and he shut me down completely,â her friends responds.
âYouâre lying, bitch. Jung Jaehyun tied down? Thereâs no way!â A third girl exclaims after choking on her drink.
Suddenly you want to choke too. Your throat tightens up and fuck- youâd been so stupid to think that you could be anything special to him. Why would a guy like Jung Jaehyun go after you when he could have anyone else? Itâs not like you had ever shown him you were going to give into his flirting, of course he would be done with you now. He asked you to tutor him, you had tutored him and he got what he wanted. It makes sense that he got what he wanted, not the sex, and had someone else that matched him better than you. Why would he have wanted anything deeper than tutoring and maybe friendship with you?
Your hands start to shake and tears fill your eyes making everything hard to see. You leave your cup on the counter and turn to walk out of the kitchen, out of the house, away from him. You want to go home and forget you ever fell for Jaehyun and forget that you were ever stupid enough to think he could actually like you back. Fuck!
You make your way through the living room and out the front door, feeling only a sliver of relief when the fresh air hits your face again. You feel someone grab your wrist and go to pull away, but itâs Taeyong. He looks concerned as he studies your tear filled eyes. âYouâre not going home alone like this, just- wait here, Iâm gonna go tell the guys that Iâm taking you home,â he instructs. You nod, glad he didnât ask any questions because your throat feels tight. If he were to ask you anything else you knew you would burst out into tears.
Thereâs no one out front as you wipe your tears. You take a deep breath, closing your eyes as you exhale. You were fine. It was all going to be fine. You were fine before you even knew who he was, and you were going to continue being fine now, after him.Â
You can hear the side gate of the house open and shut, it must be Taeyong. You walk down the front steps and make it halfway to the gate before stopping, itâs not Taeyong. Itâs Jaehyun and he looks worried.Â
âWhatâs wrong? What happened?â He asks, looking the slightest bit distressed.
You roll your eyes and turn on your heels, not even gracing him with a response. You can make it home alone. Ari and Kira have your location, youâll text them when you get home. Itâs not even that far. Itâs fine.Â
âHey, sweetheart. Just- talk to me. Whatâs wrong?â Jaehyun asks, his hand wrapping around your forearm and turning you to face him.
You wanted to make this a clean break. You just wanted to leave and forget you ever met him. Leave and forget you ever fell for him, but since heâs asking. âWhy didnât you tell me? Huh?â
Jaehyunâs brows pinch together trying to figure out what youâre talking about, had one of the guys told you that he liked you. Those fuckers, fine, he could confess now, âLook, Iâm sorry they told you. I was trying to gather the courage and make sure my feelings were genuine before I told you. They are, of course, but I donât know- itâs been a while since Iâve felt this way for anyone and I was nervous.â
You can feel the tears coming back, âAnd she knows how you treat other girls? She knows that you walk them home, get the flowers, memorize their coffee orders, and introduce them to your friends. You could have at least been honest with me! I told you from the beginning! I told you from the very beginning I wasnât going to sleep with you. All I asked for was your respect, but I wonât be the girl you cheat on your girlfriend with. I deserve more than that. I donât even know the poor girl, but she deserves more too.â You hadnât even realized youâd gotten so close to him. Your finger was touching his chest and you breathed heavily, a few tears escaping your eyes.
His hand came up to hold yours, pulling your hand away from his chest while keeping your hand in his own, âAt the risk of sounding like a dick, who is she?â
You pull your hand out of his hold, before throwing them up in frustration, âyour girlfriend! Jaehyun, you have a girlfriend you didnât tell me about! I developed real feelings for you and you have a girlfriend!â
âYou like me back?â
âYouâre not listening! That doesnât matter! Youâre a major fucking asshole and your girlfriend deserves better than you. Fuck you!â
He steps forward, cupping your cheeks which makes you freeze. It was the last thing you expected him to do. You try to move way, wriggle out of his hold, but he keeps his hold, âI donât have a girlfriend. I like you. sweetheart, I like you.â
Your breathing falters, searching his eyes for any sign of deceit, âbut there were girls in the kitchen. They said you were tied down and seen with the same girl all over campus and you turned one of them down when she hit on you.â
âWell, it wouldnât very well make me look good to the girl I liked if I was sleeping around with random girls, would it? sweetheart, you were the one I was seen with. Didnât we study together a few times? I sat by you in class, I walked you home, I was with you at parties. Any of this ringing a bell or should we get you to the emergency room?â He asks with a playful smile.
âYou like me?âÂ
He laughs, itâs loud, unabashed, and happy, âyes, I like you! I have a crush on you. You make me feel things I havenât felt since I was in high school with my first, and only, girlfriend. I like hearing your snort, I like seeing your smile, your laugh. I like how kind you are. I like when you wear your comfy sweaters. I really like when you put flowers behind your ears. I like that you make me feel giddy and warm and liked and flirty and playful and I can be myself around you. I want to be smarter for you. I want to be around you more. I think youâre beautiful and funny and kind and perfect. I just- I like you, a lot.â
âI like you too, if that wasnât obvious. Youâre cute and funny-â
âWe get it! Kiss!â You hear Ari and Kira yell. You look over Jaehyunâs shoulder and catch them watching you along with the frat officers from the side of the house.
Jaehyun sends you a look as if to ask, if it was ok. You nod minutely and tilt your head up. Your eyes fall shut when his lips meet yours. His lips are soft as he kisses you tenderly. You can feel all the pent up affection youâve both felt for each other through the kiss. His hands cup your cheeks and yours rest on the back of his neck, holding him close. You lose yourself in the feeling of his lips against your own, fighting back the urge to smile.Â
He pulls away and your eyes flutter open, staring into his eyes that match your adoration and excitement in the moment. He presses his forehead against your own, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, âso, want to make the rumors true?â
Your face furrows into one of confusion, the rumors? He laughs, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips which makes you melt. âWanna tie me down, sweetheart?â
âKinky,â you wink, which makes him laugh out loud. A deep happy laugh, which makes you embrace him closely, âof course I do. As if my temper tantrum over you having an imaginary girlfriend didnât make it obvious.â
âGood,â he smiles. And it is good, great even.
âSimp!â Johnny and Yuta yell, before one of them drunkenly belches.
Jaehyun laughs, hooking his arm over your shoulder to lead you back to the party. So what if he was a simp? Who wouldnât be for you?
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