#UR A SHIT FRIEND SOLLUX-

[conceptofjoy]

part 1: preface/things that arent affected by gender

gendah fluid. it/its for referring to it as a whole, he/him or she/her when you know what its gender is atm (and boy you Will know). idrk the terminology but it switches about once a month

quadrants: kismesis/moirail vacillating with karkat, matesprit of jade, friend with benefits of june and jane, unknown situation happening with terezi. tried to start something with sollux but it kinda fell flat

tyler the creator (who exists on earth c) superfan. tells people its favorite album is cherry bomb to be contrarian but in reality its fav is call me if you get lost

uses time powers to recover stuff from un-sburb'd earth a. current favorite thing that it has recovered is the 2016 pink drink recipe

Vibrant red eyes. you know that meme of the most gorgeous brown eyes you've ever seen vs staring into your soul. its on the staring into your soul side of the spectrum

part 2: dave

stereotypical early 2010s gamer boy. worked with jake to bring the xbox 360 servers back up so that he and his friends could play bo2 zombies

avid hate-reader of homestuck beyond canon (in my post-canon au caliborn wrote hs:bc as some kinda weird escapist fanfic about his friends lives. he's setting up a huge twist ending where it turns out that ult dirk (and thus everyone else) is secretly being controlled by ult caliborn)

had a ttrpg phase once. tried to homebrew a black ops 2 campaign in 5e, realized that 5e sucks, then found an indie rpg that accomplished what he wanted perfectly

part 3: dana

ping pongs between "motorcycle butch" and "preppy white girl with polaroid camera, heart shaped glasses, and a bucket hat w plastic strawberries on it"

part 3a: motorcycle butch

this. all of this. apologies if the link doesnt work i had to manually copy it from my computer screen to my phone

would KILL INDISCRIMINATELY to live in a cyberpunk au. she doesnt care about the living situation or how corps have practically taken over the world, she just wants to have cybernetic implants and call her friends her choombas

raves about d&b and techno acts you've never heard of

part 3b: preppy white girl with polaroid camera, heart shaped glasses, and a bucket hat w plastic strawberries on it

pretends to be a taylor swift fan. it is all a ruse, do not fall for it

avid birdwatcher, descending from her love of crows as a 13 y/o. has a binder full of polaroids of various birds

dainty little herb and fruit garden on the roof of her apartment building. gifted by jade

shed sooo have a motorcycle bc its just the coolest thing in the world to have. has to shoo dirk off with a bat to keep him from adding some “extra features” on the house. theyd be adorable as shit bonding over vehicles. i absolutely see the cyberpunk thing. does not know how to deal with electronics regardless LMFAO.

trying her absolute best to keep that garden ALIVE. she would also have a ton of fun fucking with people based on how shes dressed true. picks up and drops various hobbies, true. the time powers anthropology ✅✅. jadedavekat lets fucking go. i fuck w ur hcs o7

[alfiely-art]

Act 5 act 1 is done ! Thank goodness. This took me a couple days so some notes may be outdated (ie: karkat birthday)

Also I finished this last night but. Yk.

Act 1 reaction here

Act 2 reaction here

Act 3 reaction here

Intermission reaction here

Act four reaction here

Notes:

NOOOOO JADE'S DREAM SELF IS DEAD FUCKKKK 

Did Jake write this

Hrrrrngggg this is so. Jade just wanted to hang out with him :( 

Man give the kid some time to cry his friend's dream self is dead!!!

I. Okay. Grieve how you need to grandpa. That makes me so uncomfortable but it's okay 

Oh Morse code. I'm not whipping out the decoder sorry I'm distraught over Jade. I'll download the Pic and translate later 

Hussie idgaf about your recap. What the fuck is happening I thought this was act 5 a few pages ago. Are we NOW At act 5???

Is this trollian

Yaaaaay alternia I've heard of this one. Looks kinda dead though

Yaaaay Karkat birthday. Apparently his bday was yesterday irl!!!!

Emooooo lmaooooo

Troll Sander. Oh Karkat. You and John can and should be besties forever. Kiss now /j

BAHAHAA IVE SEEN THIS PANEL BEFORE. I REFERENCED IT WHEN I DROPPED MY MATH BOOK AND IT MADE A DENT IN THE FLOOR. “I'm karkat-ing it up” I SAID. NO ONE UNDERSTOOD ME

“You were meant to be a bigshot” HAHA SPAMPTOB!!!! Nows ur chance to be a big shot, be a big, be a big, be a big shot 

Omg is this gamzee. Or some other purple guy 

Faygo mention!

AHA YES it's gamzee!!! I know because :o)

Oh gamzee <3 Silly guy. Sure hope he doesn't do anything horrible and violent later (i know a bit of what he does. lord english <333)

The juggalos….

NEPETA AND EQUIUS USERNAMES SPOTTED!!! oh yeah karkats doing stuff. That is what I am supposed to be focusing on

Karkat you're such a drama queen oh my godddd

Terezi you're so cute 

Wait I wanna know the password thing…

CAN WE PLEASE GET TEREZI INTO ACE ATTORNEY. THIS IS SO CUTE I LOVE HER 

That's less cute actually why are you hanging your stuffies. Oh well. Girls can have hobbies I don't mind

YAY NEPETA YAY NEPETA YAY NEPETA

Adorabloodthirsty!!!

Oooo this is Aradia right

That's Eridan methinks

No strife….

This is kinda moving fast ? I mean I don't mind but also I liked the slowness of the previous acts. Oh well. Maybe it's cuz we gotta introduce more characters rn

Sollux!!! I have been told he is not an Eridan lover. Oopsie. The fandom lied to me

HI NEPETA

Aradia what are you doing 

Hey. Is this code how Lord English us born. Isn't it

Oh hi girl! I don't know your name but I've seen you!!! 

Hi tavros! I didn't know you were in a wheelchair. Why do I never see art of you in a wheelchair. All your art is of you smooching gamzee.

HAH REFERENCE… alien reference…

Equius is just Standing There.

ALSO I DONT THINK THATS THE PROPER PROCEDURE TO GIVE SOMEONE PROSTHETIC LEGS

Is that Vriska

Aww… shitty rap offs <333

Ohh yess your name is Aradia!

BAHAH OUIJA BOARD 

Vriska it's you ! I will finally know who you are other than Nagito's daughter. Yippee hurray

Woah baby boy calm down what's in that honey that's making you blast lasers out of your eyeballs

HI SILLY CAT GIRL

OH MY GODDD. The cave in… : (

Autistic girls in caves ftw!!!!

Meowrails… nepeta bite him now 

Team scourge?!?!?! Like warrior cats?@?!?@?@ i never read warrior cats I just know scourge 

Slur count: 13

Vriska what the fuck are you doing

OH MY GOD VRISKA WHY DID YOU DO THAT

Karkat bite her. Vriska that is unhealthy for you to do you cannot control others 

HI EQUIUS what uh. What's that stuff in your horse paintings. Equius. Boy. Theyre public everyone can see them

Oh the girl!! Fish girl!!!! uhh.. f… Ferrari. No wait Guy Ferrari is in this. F something

Me too Nepeta. Me too. Idk what's happening I'm just here for jokes and references and Hal when he shows up

DUN DUN DUN!!!! 

Ribbit

Be the huge bitch

Bitch autocorrected to bitcoin. Phone you will perish in a day

Oh. You gotta feed your parent other kids… not great 

Slur count: 14

Holy shit dude I can't read this

Anyway EQUIUS TIME!!!

Lusus Milk. Ummm. Did he milk himself 

Equius never play video games you'd get so much gamer rage

Yaaaay Equius and Gamzee are chatting!!!

Gamzee why are you so cute. I know you do silly things later!!!!

Awww is he talking about Aradia. Buddy just forget the troll racism 

HAH. Yeah that's fair Equius I'd slap someone who was trying to read my mind. Although can he just. Do that any time?

Yaaaay Aradia bot!!!

Equius kill yourself now /j you're so fucking weird. Can your lusus curb your weirdness a little 

JELP EQUIUS YOU KILLED HER LUSUS

NOOOO AURTHOUR!!!!!!

Okay I kinda like the drama Terezi and Vriska are having. they're both kinda bitchy and conniving but Terezi seems to have good intentions. And vriska. Uh. Spooder

Aradia nooo don't listen to the voices trust me

Waaaait wait wait. Is this white guy Doc Scratch. I know Hal hasn't even shown up yet but is this Doc Scratch. Is he doing time shenanigans. Please let this be doc scratch I need lord english stuff 

Vriska. Vriska what did you do to sollux. Also aw him and aradia are dating??? Sweet

FUCK YEAH I WAS RIGHT!!!! DOC SCRATCH!!!! I LOVE YOU MR SCRATCH

Mr Vanilla Milkshake

Isn't that Jade's cue ball. I knew it was related to doc scratch

“I will explode in your face’

I fucking love Doc Scratch. Yeah Vriska I don't care that your spider mom died I'm busy being a Homosexual 

BAHAHAH EQUIUS. You're such a fucking nut. I mean a fiddlesticks nut. No that doesn't hit the same way

This a hilarious dynamic actually. I love you Aradia

EQUIUS IS DOING THE MEME POSE

But anyway. Fuck yeah Aradia. Equius you freak. Aradia bite him

This makes me realize a pair of my homestuck ocs are like this but yk. Toxic and codependent. There's like four people who know they exist 

Huh

Nepeta cucked… jk I know moirails and the heart thing are different. Silly though. “This my boyfriend equius. And this is equius's girlfriend aradia. And this is aradia's boyfriend sollux.”

SHIPPING WALL WOOOOO

Yesss karkat. “you will never find love or hate” YOU TELL HER!!!! 

Also ooo jack

Yaaaay red blood. Actually I forget what red blood means its low isn't it 

OHHH wait he's got mutant blood. Dangggg

Jack is metal af. What a way to earn a kids trust

Cahoots!!!!

WOOO DOC SCRATCH!!! GIVE JER NEW PURPOSE YAAAAA

Man I sure wish I could have learned all of this in a natural way instead of jusy being told in a couple panels. Haha. Sure would be a fun experience methinks !!

Yaaaay kanaya

Glub glub glub

Slur count: 15

THATS NOT THE PROPER SURGERY PROCEDURE

Troll blood tastes bad. Got it

Yo wait she's moirails with Vriska??? Girl get outta there. Actually wait I love toxic yuri please continue 

Holy shit I didn't think eridan would be so boring to listen to. Snoreeeeee. Eridan do something funny pls poke poke

Funny that Karkat was wrong about Vriska getting bitches though. Why do you guys want her

Where did that last line come from. Eridan you emo. Real though

ROSE'S GAMEFAQ!!!!!! 

Ong troll rose lalonde… kanaya imagines her as a highblood it seems that's cute 

VRISKA YOU CANT SAY THAT actually you technically Can but VRISKA DONT BULLY TAVROS!!!!! 

Vriska girl please go to therapy. Tavros kill her

Scurry!!!!

Someone needs to have Vriska read the You're Not A Real Gamer post

Stabby hatefriend <33

Alright we are doing Peter pan now

Tavros just kill her already. She's scary 

WOAH VRISKA YOU CANT JUSG KISS HIM!!!! 

TAVROSSSSS NOOO DONT FALL FOR HER!!!!

It's kinda funny she hates his guts and he likes her. Can they please get a room

KANAYA GOT CUCKED :(

Poor Kanaya actually… she has horrible taste in women but I feel bad for her

Rose's mom and John's dad are matesprites… man this incest pile is getting crazyyyyy

Oh they are in love!!!!! Hate love!!!!

I love incest!!! the pail Has come 

The rammies… sorry I can't hear ramifications without thinking of the rammies…

Aradia and Equius's little gif matched the beat of the music I'm listening to

FAYGO also I think I completely forgot that Eridan isn't fuschia. Oopsies. Thought he was 

HI JOHN!!! I wish I was reading about your adventures currently 

Okay what's up with Eridan and the fishy girl. This is the second time we've cut to them during this explanation

Hi Eridan. WHAT DONT KILL THE WHALE

Okay hi fish

Ohhh Feferi… that's your name… okay

I don't think that was adorable but okay

Poor orphaned troll : (

Genocide complex… okay sure buddy why don't you get back to larping Harry potter. I'm canceling you babygirl

Aw :> I kinda like Feferi it's sweet she wants to change things for the better

COWBOY X WIZARD FUCK YEAH

Feferi really does have a lameass bi boyfriend

I'm just gonna call them all boyfriend and girlfriend btw. The quadrants don't sound yummy to me. Except pitch. I like that word. Sounds like bitch 

Do u not fw faygo

Just like Dave's fridge…

Can we peleeeease get back to good stuff I'm so sorry I.dont care about these guys. Maybe I will later but I wanna know what's going on with John and the other kids. Maybe focus on Karkat. Maybe on WV and the gang. I don't. Want to see them have a will-they-wont-they… 

Okay real talk. This act has been. Kinda a drag despite them going SO fast with plotpoints. People say that acts 1-3 were slow but I was so entertained by them!!! Is this a lame take. If they just slowed the fuck down I would like this a lot more. Hussie let me enjoy your fucking comic I don't want to speed through it 

Anyway. That aside.

she's in a fish bowl that's not good for her :(

HELP WAIT I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT NOT CARING ABOUT FEFERI AND ERIDAN. OH MY GOODNESS. SHES BREAKING UP WITH HIM KINDA THATS SO

FEFERI KEEPS DOING FISH PUNS WHILE BREAKING UP WITH ERIDAN OH MY

I love Feferi I think. My opinion has changed. Get Fucked Eridan

WHAT HAPPENED TO SOLLUX also why are Gamzee and Jack just. Standing There. Menacingly

SOLLUX NO EHAT COME BACK

I LIKED SOLLUX NOOOOOOOOO GAMZEE STOP HONKING

Feferi kissing Sollux's corpse would be so fucking weird if I didn't know what happens when you do that in homestuck

Sollux back <33 

Oh I forgot uh. That guy is watching. Legit can't remember his name ! Guy without an arm is watching !

THE NEVER ENDING STORY REFERENCE 

Oh hi audience insert !

Hussie. I don't care actually

I think you should be going SLOWER 

DONT THROW CAL also. I don't care!!!! 

:/ :/ :/ this makes me want to *remembers I'm not supposed to make jokes about killing myself*... cull myself 

Thank God we're back

Oh cool! Sollux gets two dream selves!!!

DEUCE?!?!?!?!?!

Terezi is so cute btw. I adore her

FUCK YEAH GO NEPETA

Theyre so cuteeeee I love meowrails

Slur count: 16

VRISKA'S FUTURE USERNAME SAYS FAG BAHAHAHAHA

I'm not including these in my Slur count these are funny

Okay hold on I thought these guys were dead… whag

Whoaj What are you up to Snowman… 

What the fuck

OHHH KICKAAS WINGS TEREZI. What the fuck was happening with the last panel though

Karkat stop calling things schizophrenic honey. I'm grounding you

I love Terezi and Karkat. My babies

Again??? I don't know the Password but I wanna look at what it is…

Is this troll sweet bro and Hella Jeff

I don't understand what really happened in that animation but YEAHHH FUCK HER UP ARADIA FUCK YEAHHHHH

Alpha timeline mention!!! I'm assuming that has to do with the alpha kids

A scratch… LIKE DOC SCRATCH!!!!!

Oh thank God that act is over. Kinda. Friend told me act 5 act 2 has more of the stuff I like. Act 5 act 1 gave me such a fucking headache I did not enjoy it very much!!!

The ending had that same sorta flair as usual homestuck but. The rest. It was like reading bullet points. Like you're doing now except I'm not telling a story I'm telling you my reactions to the story

Idk. Yeah. Not A fan Of act 5 act 1. Here's to hoping act 5 act 2 is better !!!

[angel9theye]

My friend knows shit ab Homestuck, she knows only what I told her and I'm a shitty storyteller and she has the memory of a gold fish, so basically she knows nothing.

But she remembers a few names! And those are:

John and June (she thinks those are different people lol)

"That bitch you always complain people ship with kitkat" (A.K.A. Dave)

"That bitch you actually ship kitkat with, was it called Sollux??" (yes it's Sollux)

Kitkat (I've NEVER called him Karkat with the others for some reason and that's the consequence lmao)

"Ur mom" (A.K.A. Porrim)

"Ur wife" (A.K.A. Terezi)

"The leo one, the one that's cute, u know" (she doesn't know Meulin and Nepeta are different people)

"The one with the same zodiac sign as (our friend)" (A.K.A. Feferi)

Spider bitch (A.K.A. Spider bitch Vriska)

And she doesn't know anyone else basically lmao

[redshcdes-archived]

“YOU PLAYED FORTNITE .... WITHOUT ME?

You bitch.”

[2twopiid]

{{ ALL OF THE TEXTS :EYES: }}

Send ‘drunk’ to receive a drunk text from my muse. 

lmaoo!!gue22 what ii ju2t fell out of.

Send ‘sad’ to receive a sad/down text from my muse.

ii’m 2orry iim alway2 puttiing 2hiit on you.iidk why you put up wiith me, or why you iin2ii2t on beliieviing iin me.

Send ‘mad’ to receive a mad/angry text from my muse.

THII2?? YOU’RE ROA2TIING ME OVER. T H I I 2??

Send ‘happy’ to receive a happy/excited text from my muse.

ok, lii2ten two thii2 one.ju2t lii2ten.iimpetwoou2.lmao!!

Send ‘tired’ to receive a slow/sleepy text from my muse.

[3:27am] hey, are you 2tiill up?[12:46pm] lmfao. ii pa22ed the fuck out, nevermiind.

Send ‘busy’ to receive slow texts from my muse. 

[12:22pm] you want my coord2?[12:22pm] uh, 2ure. hang on..[1:36am] oh... oop2.[1:37am] 2orry, ii forgot about thii2...[1:37am] next tiime?

Send ‘bored’ to receive a disinterested text from my muse.

hey, aa. ii’m 2orry, ii ju2t. really do not care about dog food liid 2pelled backward2.

[candyredterezii]

also you know i cant believe ppl who will defend vriska and then still shit all over eridan like im sorry

i mean granted vriska did have more screen time and chance to expand her character unlike eridan but they both in terms of being pieces of shit are kind of on the same level at the time they were alive together

im so tired of ppl thinking eridan to be just an incel and wanting fef to love him and he’s just a sad boy and killed sollux out of jealousy

when literally eridan, when sollux is like: lmao ur just jealous, he replies “what? no. i don’t give a fuck about that.”

he and sollux fought cus eridan was like: hey maybe we should join jack noir i think. because he knows that he’ll kill them and this is, in his eyes, the only chance of living through this and wanted fef to join him cus he still cared about her as a friend regardless  and sollux said he was insane so they fought.

like eridan did a lot of awful n horrible shit and was v awkward and did push himself onto rose when she wasnt interested but its also good to remember he was still just a 13 year old boy who is incredibly lonely and doesnt have good social skills due to being rather isolated - his only real friends were fef an arguably kanaya and he was under the propaganda of alternia

which people love to use as an excuse for vriska’s shitty behavior when she was this age and around that time in the comic but with eridan its just  no fuck that guy LMAAAOO

idk anyway im an eridan apologist and think he couldve had a great character arc if hussie didnt just kill him like he did

[pikminbleu]

ur anti-collage AU is fucking amazing n the dumb shit i live for, u mentioned u had reasons for different people not wanting/being able to go r u able to share?

oohh man im glad you asked!! god this is going to be so long hjkGHJKL heres the reasons for the ones shared until now:

Dave ==> i know its anticlimatic to start with the one i can’t really elaborate on but the jist is ==> he’s got a bad home situation and he’s kind of stuck with raising his brother until they can both leave ==> the details on what exactly goes down in his house remain blurry because he hasn’t shared it w everyone except karkat and also because he, just doesn’t ever share it, even June doesn’t know the full picture all she knows are like bits and pieces but she does know it’s incredibly bad even if he never talks ab it

Terezi ==> deception in the world has led her to give up on her dreams because “what’s the point” and “if i can’t make a difference then why try” she’s actually part of the ones who did go to college but dropped out!! i can’t pick what she’d be studying, maybe something on humanities? or law, which is kind of the obvious choice, ill be honest i know bat shit about american college fghjklGHJK ==> she talks a lot to vriska about the state of the world and how horrible it is and how blah blah blah blah and vriska tells her who cares get a job for money not for useless ideals ==> it’s also possible studies just stressed her out, and she dropped out from exhaustion, if you ask her about it she’ll probably draw a blank but that’s the case of most people in this au don’t ask them why they aren’t/didn’t go to college most of them will cry or laugh

nepeta ==> okay nepeta is just plain weird, she doesn’t abide to human rules ==> she doesn’t want to study because she wants to eat squirrels and sleep ==> i don’t have much to say other than she’s a cat stuck in a human’s body and its not in a catgirl way but like in a literal i am a cat reincarnated in a human’s body and i guess ill have fun in it since now i can talk and walk and have thumbs and shit ==> so why would she waste her time in college?? whats the point of college? humans are only advantageous when they do cool human things like talk about feelings or use their hands to make pretty things otherwise they’re so boring

Aradia ==> honestly i dont know i think she just got a job at marshalls and stayed there? because its blank and enough to live off of ==> i think she’s just keeping to this job because shes got nastier things to take care of in the dark ==> like magic, demon kind of shit, catch her at midnight with a shovel and a knife ==> so shes part of the ones who don’t really care to go: a club which now has nep and aradia in it!!

Sollux ==> hahaha a mess ==> another one in the club of ‘i dont want to go’ ==> he could go to college and leave behind all his friends and have to do things because they’re due ==> or he could work a shitty job for the rest of his life ==> everyone’s frustrated he doesn’t go honestly but his brain just!! doesnt vibe with it

Gamzee ==> im happy hanging out forever in this shop with my motherfuckin bros :o) ==> i dont think they could go into college even if they tried its one of these things they just dont think about because its blatantly obvious ==> the sky is blue, clowns are rad and im not going to college ==> come to think of it they probably didn’t finish high school either?? i dont know what are the requirements to be a GameStop employee ==> hopefully very very low

OH AND I FORGOT TAVROS MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD ==> life hasn’t been kind to him!! but he’s also kind of mediocre honestly ==> not very smart, not in full capacity of his body, not very confident in his abilities to do it either ==> i mean hes part of the most normal ones so college should be a default but ==> someone said he wouldn’t really make it, and even terezi dropped out, and he doesnt want to leave his friends even for a few years since hes kind of dependent on them ==> hes a disappointment to his family but yeah he lives w it }<<:)

[thewebcomicsreview]

Oh shit, Homestuck 2 is back! Looks like the art team problems are getting worse, but maybe the writing’s good? Quick, recap of the story so far, since there was a hiatus

Previously, on Homestuck 2:  DIRK: I’m evil now and we’re on a new planet where we shall create our own lifeforms and rule them as gods ROSE: I’m making memes and vaginas DIRK: NOOOOO ROSE: Jade got me preganté and we named our kid Yiffy and I kept it a secret from everyone this whole time, including my wife but inexplicably not the dictator I’ve trying to overthrow, who kidnapped her JOHN: NOOOOO CALLIOPE: I’m in ur bod drinking ur juice JADE: NOOOOO CALLIOPE: Oh, like you’re not used to having weird people inside you, skank JADE: Wow, rude, I’m kicking you out of my brain for that  CALLIOPE: NOOOOO JOHN: Man, I love how my son tells me everything and keeps no secrets  KARKAT: John! Vriska’s alive and she murdered the clown pope and your son is hiding her because he and his friends are wanted for treason  JOHN: ...... KARKAT: You’re supposed to say “NOOOOO” John: Why would I? That fucking rules!  We now return to Homestuck 2

Yay, we’re finally seeing Davebot, Aradia, and Calliope. Fun fact: In a comic with like ten billion retcons and timeline splits, this Aradia is still the definitive “real” Aradia in a way no other character can claim to be (except Sollux), which is a fun endgame for a character who was introduced has having hundreds of thousands of duplicates.  I can not wait to see how the HS2 writers ruin her. (Also, where did they get a rocket ship?)

Also it it me, or is there something a little off about this art?

DAVEBOT: beep boop ARADIA: i have told you several times that i was a robot before and i know for a fact you dont have to say beep boop DAVEBOT: hm that sounds fake does not compute ARADIA: david DAVEBOT: mom

“David”? 

This is the first indication in the entire series that any of these kids’ names are short for anything, something Hussie explicitly said wasn’t the case but which was never actually addressed in the comic proper so I guess it’s not a plot hole. Still, it feels a little....wrong? 

ARADIA: well we are both an infinite number of years old living countless lifetimes at once but thats no reason to waste any of our...

Wait, what?! Aradia is Ultimate, too? When did that happen?! Why does she not need a robot body? 

DAVEBOT: time DAVEBOT: say time ARADIA: ... DAVEBOT: time then make a weird face

There’s a fine line between “callback” and straight up recycling a joke. 

ARADIA: would you say you are hung up on leaving your wife and friends behind DAVEBOT: are you ARADIA: am i hung up about leaving your wife and friends behind ARADIA: i do not think that i am no DAVEBOT: arent you even a little guilty about ditching your boyfriend ARADIA: what ARADIA: oh fuck

I do like the implication here that Aradia flat forgot about Sollux. Poor dude can’t catch a break. .

Ooh, an [S]. An extremely basic one, but still. Also, from this scene in the epilogues:

The distant sounds of war travel above the canopy of a forest. The artillery fire fades to a series of muted knocks and thuds as the sound waves cross beyond a thinning patch of the forest and arrive in a clearing of grass and shrubbery. Above, the sky is dramatic, colorful, menacing. The way it looks when a storm is coming. The clouds are wild, whipped into a sort of spatial frenzy, as if they know what’s imminent is no earthly phenomena. Aradia stands in the field, her mouth gaping wide. But not at the sky.

Probably the starkest example of how the epilogues presented Earth C has falling about and doomed and stormy and scary like the system crash in Reboot and Homestuck 2 has it all sunny and bright. I kind of wish HS2 kept the semi-apocalyptic feel of the epilogues, even if it made Aradia’s spurious decision to leave Sollux behind way more dickish. 

Oh hey, God’s back, and back in the body of the OG pre-Retcon Jade Harley. There’s something very Shoujo about this posing.

DAVEBOT: thanks JADE: They sit in each other's presence, the silence between them as meaningful as any words they could exchange. DAVEBOT: its always really cool to hear how meaningful my silences are DAVEBOT: especially while DAVEBOT: CALCULATING DAVEBOT: CALCULATING DAVEBOT: especially while i am attempting to experience them

I think Calliope, and possibly Aradia, is shipping Dave/Aradia right now, which is a pairing that has some comedic appeal were it not for Dave’s gayness.

ARADIA: i think she looks quite lovely covered in the viscera of the all-powerful enemy she consumed ARADIA: floating lifelessly in our periphery

We just established that this is months after they left Candyland. Has Jade’s body been covered in the blood and guts of Lord English this entire time? Take a goddamn shower, Jesus. 

Oh, there we go. Much better. Also, the one thing I heard about this upd8 was all the discussion of jorts, and then Dave references jorts, but no one is actually wearing them, unless Aradia’s got a pair on under her cultist robes? (Also, is Calliope’s Jade body healed from the shard of reality that killed it originally, or is there just a huge hole under her shirt)?

JADE: As a point of curiosity- ARADIA: oh shit!!!!

The dead Cherub possessing the body of an equally deceased Goddess of Space pauses at the interruption. Were she to voice her opinion, it would be that --actually-- it is not unusual for those whose primary concern is The Grander Scheme to have a passing curiosity about the insignificant. So when one really thinks about it, any annoyance with the attendant’s small mindedness is both understandable and warranted.

ARADIA: :(

Given how much time was spent on how Terezi can sense Dirk’s narration, I like how Calliope’s narration is literally just her talking out loud and everyone can clearly hear it and just assumes it’s like a troll quirk.

ARADIA: in this form our bodies stop aging once we reach maturity i think ARADIA: the god tier keeps our physical form locked in a state of undying ARADIA: even in death the bodies do not decay ARADIA: only lay dormant DAVEBOT: no thats boring DAVEBOT: like how long have you been alive JADE: yes, that one.

One of the things I don’t fully get about Calliope is why there’s stuff like this she doesn’t know. Another thing I don’t get: How come John and Jake are visibly middle-aged? They’re gods, too. 

ARADIA: you were there too i threw your air conditioner into the sun DAVEBOT: wow thats fucked up DAVEBOT: thats not where that goes at all JADE: these events are not-canonical. ARADIA: rude

I believe this is a reference to Pesterquest?

DAVEBOT: is that the trope of being hundreds of years old but looking young forever patently sucks ass DAVEBOT: a plot device an asshole would write ARADIA: :( JADE: that is not what i am trying to say at all. DAVEBOT: hmm wow yeah thatd really be a sort of pot/kettle situation i guess DAVEBOT: i cant believe im the only woke one here DAVEBOT: its hard being such a visionary AND such a fine metallic specimen

What the fuck is David even talking about? What? 

DAVEBOT: but can she see why kids love the sweet cinnamon taste of cinnamon toast crunch JADE: i do not know, or care, what that means. ARADIA: neither do i :)

I like the “Best Narrator” mug, and with this sudden headache to interrupt the laughter comes the end of the chapter and presumably a lead in to the next one when we’ll learn what’s blowing Calliope’s mind 

[ceabu]

Me, still thinking about your Cardcaptor au cause it's very good : Sollux as Kero is good cause he wouldn't... Really help Karkat... Like he would just tease him and give him shitty advice and basically being useless while Karkat does all the work, but he's still very loyal to Karkat and they like each other very much... Plus, like Kero he's technically super powerful but never really uses his powers to fight... And Gamzee would have been sent by his clan (the purple church??) to retrieve the cards cause they're powerful and then he gets there and "oh there's already some motherfucker doing all the work :oD" and the church is like "fight him to get the cards!" "noooo he's too cute :o( and also looks like he needs to relax, like, a motherfucking lot..." Kanaya is just here to make sure that Karkat is well dressed + make sure he doesn't dies + record it all to lightly make fun of Karkat afterwards. They're best friends :D also would there be a Touya and Yukito? Hmmm Signless could be Touya! Protective of his family and just. Knows things (I am fairly sure that Touya is actually some kind of Seer in canon?? It fits) like when his little brother is in danger and such. Maybe the Psiioniic could be Yukito! (cause if Sollux is Kero, it would make sense since Kero and Yue are kind of brothers!) cause hm it would be fun? Don't know about who would be Yue tho... Mituna. Oooooh that would be gold. (what do you think of my ideas?)

6┌╏ º □ º ╏┐ᵒᵐᵍᵎᵎᵎ

I LOVE UR IDEAS HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

oiasdghdasg cute round bee sollux with his tiny fucking wings lmao being useless and teasing karkat....yes...thats exactly how i imaginated it

I like how gamzee was sent by the clown church!!! yeah yeah that fits so well!!!!!!!!! and then when gamzee gets there hes like (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄  ‘’well shit’’ i mean he’s already very good with his magic, the cards where like a bonus plUS this other cute motherfucker seems real determinate to get them all, and whats a brother supposed to do? get in his way? nah man, that aint cool. ( hhhhhhh maybe karkat will fight this tough enemy that was really powerful n gamzee got there late because idk plot things n helped karkat finish him off n then!!!!!!!!!!!1 WOUNDS HEALING TIME!!!!!!! TIME TO PATCH HIM UP!!!!! HURT/COMFORT!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaa thats the good stuff lol (*ꈍ꒳ꈍ*) )

asifhasoidgh kanaya hiding behind bushes keeping an eye on karkat while he fights God Knows What...Hmmm That Bow Needs Fixing...Ah, His Long Socks Aren’t Sitting Right...Okay...D-Did He Took Off The Hat I Made For Him?!! uasidhdsa she yells over by the spot shes hiding, giving away her position like ‘’Karkat Please Be Sure To Not Stain The Dress With Blood! You Know It’s Very Hard To Clean It Off!’’ 

signless as touya!! now yaya that could fit! i though kankri could fit too! uknow cuz touya has this thing where he pretends hes all cool n shit but actually really cares about sakura. kankri being a prick to karkat n talking his ear off with his fucking stories bUT hes actually really protective of his dancestor and knows he goes out to fight monsters...in fucking dresses really karkat...that’s triggering

yukito mmmmm i mean yeah he could be the psiioniic ( DAMN IM ALL @.@ WITH ALL THESE NAMES JUMBLED OUT LOL AAA ) 

kankri is touya, so mituna can be yukito and in his real form is the psiioniic!

╭( ･ㅂ･)و ))) YEAH THAT MAKES SENSE LOL

[notedchampagne]

hey! im so sorry if this sounds stupid and u def dont gotta answer if ur uncomfy w it but i was wondering... is solkat abusive?? i saw this post a while back hurricaneclouds(.)tumblr(.)com/post/76164504871 and i literally cannot stop thinking abt it. i mean , thats a total misread of karkat and kismesissitudes right??

i dont see it as abusive? but thats a lot so ill go bulletpoint my thoughts

> like ive read posts before on how karkats a jackass to his friends and i am in no way arguing against that because he is! hes fucking shitty!! hes jealous and defensive with a whole bowl of hypocrisy sprinkled in but thing is that that is his entire front because he has feelings (ew gross) and its been made clear before that karkat pretty much wears his heart on his sleeve so whenever i imagine him spewing insults it just kind of appears in my head as karkat looking panicked or wounded while trying to redirect the topic towards someone else because the bastard cant handle self reflection. additionally at that time hes 13 you cant expect a 13 yo boy raised in funmurder society to act kindly when hes extremely aware everyone probably wants him dead, and hence has to go hemoanon and likely pushes people away/projects that tough persona in order to keep distance and fit in. and again hes 13 like gd i was shitty when i was 13 and he Grows and thats the Point like i feel like a major hs theme is that... people grow and change etc for karkat over time its that his anger and defense mechanisms simmer down over the course of the meteor and when hes 19-20 hes just kind of grumpy. base setting mildly pessimistic but far from the kid he used to be, and the one he would have then been ashamed of and hated as is karkat past self routine. so yeah hes a dick but like, a translucent dick thats easily seen through and is over time less of a dick

>but that being said, i perceive sollux and karkats relationship as to the point where they Are best friends and theyre close enough with each other that they can just fucking insult each other all they want and itll fall off like water because at that point its just mild banter (looking towards the wow i hate you, not as much as you hate yourself, i hate you more than you and i hate ourselves combined conversation like were playing with self hatred and pitch hatred wording here and thats something i could delve into on another day but moving on) UNTIL it doesnt, and one of them pushed through a line, and thats when the remorse happens because i feel like they figure out pretty easily that they were in the wrong and they want to apologize but like. theyre 13-16 year old boys who live in a society i doubt theyre gonna easily work up to heartfelt conversations so they go the lighter alternative- to ask if theyre still friends and that signifies the step that they still want to be together and has the implication that they recognized it was hurtful and could have hurt their relationship. maybe im looking too far into that but anyway i see solkat as two dudes who care about each other but are absolute shit at expressing it (80-20 karkat to sollux bc sollux actually says things pretty straightforward thats just karkats deal) but over time they Are willing to grow and change in order to better each other in calling out each others shit while also you know, motivating them being there for each other etc etc

[edwarddidntdeserveher]

((I’m gunna be real with you I’m soft for Karezi in exactly specific scenario and that is humstuck with transkat. They’re both lorge. And have be friends since preschool. Terezi was the weird dragon girl and Karkat was othered for no seemingly no reason (kids can smell the ur different. I’m convinced) so they were always together and terezi as a dragon would keep picking him up and kidnapping him. This is only worsened when nep gets into school a year later and continues into high school. Cue insanely funny scene where karkats bitching at Dave or sollux and terezi swoops in like “THE MIGHTY DRAGON SWOOPS DOWN AND GRABS THE PRINCESS. THROWING HIM OVER HER BACK AND RESCUING HIM FROM THE SHITTY ASSFUCKER” and throwing him over her shoulder and running off. Anyways they’d get to college before one of them gets hurt by someone else or something. Bonus points if it’s just over weight and like they’re venting and someone leans on someone and someone says I love you a little too strongly. And it keeps escalating like gay chicken until someone’s trying to kiss every part of the body the other one hates. There is at least one instance where terezi tries to ro a fucking dragon in bed and karkat leaves the whole damn dorm building. Just fuck it. He could’ve went to his room but it wasn’t dramatic enough. Karkat would be a total simp though she’s not in his league like I can’t stress this enough. He’d still cuss her out and banter but he’d like grab her the last quiche in the dining hall and bring an extra hoodie for her and shit. It’s be good THATS all I’m saying. ))

[alfiely-art]

FINISHED ACT 3!!! Technically finished last night but I'm scheduling this for the morning

Act 1 reaction here

Act 2 reaction here

Notes I wrote while reading:

“I hope your father keeps you well fed” OH THATS WHY THERE WAS ALL THOSE BAKED GOODS OHHHH

Anyway. How thr fuck did Nanna know this. Did she hoo hoo in life as she does in death

OMG JADE

Is that an onion on ur shirt farmstink

Squeal like a piglet and fertilize some plants

OMG SHE DID IT I LOVE U JADE

Huh. Her room is. Just her friends interests. And their parents interests. Other than the furry I know that's all her. I know

Guns!!! Yayaya!!!!!! Doesn't Jake like guns too

Oh girl. Yoare so otherkin

She's really otherkin my goodness

PROBLEM SL- oh. Sooth

HEY THAT CUE BALL IS PART OF DOC SCRATCH AINT IT. THATS THE THING. THE TH HAL EQUIUS GAMZEE CALIBORN STUFF.

I do wonder what the magic 8 ball is for. If Jade has a bad feeling about it

Slur count: 4

Huh. Okay she has like… VR??

Slur count: 5 but I think Dave can reclaim this one

DAVE FURSONA YOOOO

What are you talking about tho

Omg they're fucking killing the felts…

Dave oh my god you're losing so bad. But yay bro!!! Yay cal!!! I'm so sorry Dave

john you're getting your ass whooped

Oh hello… Is ur name Sentry. Are you buddies with Vagabond

Oh. He's got mummies in his house

What is that thing

Who thr fuck is this. Who is CG

I'm assuming a troll ??? But whomst…

Slur count: 6

THE CAT

oooo what're you up to sentry…

IM GONNA PISS MYSELF I FELT SO BAD FOR DAVE AND THEN THE. I WARNED YOU BRO!!!!

HOLY SHIT JOHN IS GOING CRAZY

Aww yay he's having fun I think

Woah that place sure is purple!!!!

FUCK YEAH GET THEM DAD

???? Who is this clown watching them

Oh your name Isn't sentry. Hi peregrine medication!!!

Autocorrect that's not their name

PM I love you. I love mail

Yo wait PM you know Jade??? What

WHAT THE

IT EXPLODED

Omg rose horse… I know there's a animation of her with the horses. Like the arquiussprite one.

The fuck is in the teapot

AWWWWWWW THATS SO CUTE

Is that a picture of Jade in godtier. They Know….

HELP she napping

Oh. he's dead. Girl…

PM IS ALIVE!!!!!

Awwww baby rose….

Meow

Da fuck

Dad is… boring…? Lies

Jack's fourth wall : ( it was stolen…

IS THIS BETTY CROCKER!!!!

Put the hat on Jack. Put it on

Womp womp

FRUIT GUSHERS YAAAAAA

Awwww he looks so cute in the suit

THE HEINOUS BATTERWITCH

Boy you're so extra

BAHAHAHAH HE JIST WANTED TO DETCH THE BULLET… WHY ARE YOU DANCING W YOUR DEAD GUY…

Oop she napping

OH MY GOD SOMEONE GET ROSE OUT OF THERE

ROBOT?!?!?!?!

Dreambot…

So wait did she already Godtier…

Her room is lesbjan colors I think

Slur count: 7

Twelve… there's twelve Trolls I'm pretty sure

Gamzee Equius Nepeta Karkat Vriska Aradia. Uhh. Tavros. Eridan. Sollux. Uhh… the fish girl… uhhh….

Hi Vodka Mutini

How does John feel about Dave's bro kicking his ass btw. Very casual way of saying it

Oh John : (

VAGABOND IS BACK FUCK YEAH

Gasp… the blue box…

REALSTIC GUN!!! Hi renagade… like the dance

So John's the guy who likes clowns… not his dad…

His dad is so sweet though. he just wants to take care of his son. What has john repressed

OH PROSPIT IVE HEARD THAT!!!

This place sure is yellow

Omg WV has company :3

WV AND PM SHALL MEET!!!!

Take the shot /ref

JOHN!!!! He is also yellow !!!!

Ohhhh he's looking swaggy… Teal is a good color for him

Slur count: 8

WRINKLEFUCKER

NOOOOO DAVE… LIL CAL… THE KATANA… POOR BABY….

Giving him a forehead smooch

OH MY GODD THE JADE SILHOUETTE…

I like this like. “Fuck you timeline let's jump around” type of way thr story is being

Poor Cal….

GA… who are you

“Spread your wings” LIKE WHEN HE BECOMES A BIRD

Hi Dave I love you. I have no idea who you flirted with but you did such a good job you're such a good troll

YAYAY RENAGADE

Yo that box has Jade's dead relative on there…

PM is a girl?? the more u know

BAHAH AR'S A JUDGE… they're making a whole town… mayor, mail carrier, and judge…

INCONCEIVABLE

Butterfly : D

BABY JADE!!!

WHOP

HEY WAIT JACK DONT KILL HIM!!! I LOVE JOHN'S DAD!!!!

Oh my god I love them

That was a cool animation!!!! I have no idea what was going on. But hey I know that song…. Sburbian Jungle…

That sure is a fucked up planet WHAT HOW IS THAT THE END OF ACT 3

Okay so. Does this mean I'm. Halfway done with homestuck. This feels so short. Are the other acts longer

[turntechgodbeheaded]

86 and 63 for the ask game?

Favorite Broadway Homestuck song?

THERES THIS GUY THAT COMES TO TROLLBUCKS, AND I KINDA WANNATAP THAT, I KINDA WANNA TAP THAT, BUT IS HE DTF,

HE COMES IN AT 4:13, AND I SMILE AND SAY SUP SEXY! YUP I SMILE AND SAY SUP SEXY! BUT BEFORE I BLINK HES LEEFT

SO TODAY AT 4:13 I DECIDED I SHOULD CHANGE THIS! I DECIDED I SHOULD CHANGE THIS

so i spiked his drink with gin.

SO TODAY AT 4:13, WHEN I SMILED AND SAID SUP SEXY! HE SAID “did you put something in this” and i was liiiiiiike

yeah dude, ur fucked

cha ching!

score one for roxy lalownde

also, did you know,

These doors can lock from the outside?

Friends in low places buddy, we’re about to get to know each other.

Have you played Friendsim? Do you like it?

I think I watched someone play five minutes of the hiveswap one and got bored. Obviously i loved the troll one though, nepeta, terezi, equius and eridan the most. I think feferi has some shitty endings though. Sollux’s was also good and provided a bit of insight to his character— i hated gamzee’s a lot and it gave me nightmares. That’s not how him going sober works. It’s just fucking withdrawal. It sucks he has to keep eating sopor cuz the writers forgot that being possessed by caliborn and being shown ICP was the catalyst for his murder mode.

I never watched Jake’s, because I Hate Jake, but I loved Dirk and Dave and Roxy’s. Jane’s endings suck shit. Clearly whoever wrote that one doesn’t like Jane. Jade’s surprised me and it made me quite happy to see her and dave having a sleepover with nepeta. Sure the conditions were bad, but it was fun to daydream about

[cherryredblack]

Okay I promised I would post this but I kept forgetting

Here it is! My comparison of The Adventure Zone Amnesty characters and Homestuck characters (under a readmore cuz its really long lmao)!!

Duck Newton and Dave Strider-

forced into the role of a hero that they reject due to personal reasons (duck believing hes not really supposed to be the chosen and dave bc of his bros abuse and how he looked up to him as a “hero”)

also compare ducks “im just a regular dude” speech to daves “dave of guy” speech

also are heavily headcanoned as trans due to their stories seeming to be a metaphor for being trans (duck lives as a regular guy his whole life before realizing hes not a “regular” guy v daves problems with trying to live up to an impossible standard of masculinity set by his bro thats a #transthing)

honorable mention- cant lie for shit, sword

Indrid Cold and Karkat Vantas-

hide a very important part of themselves bc of fear of harm or death that would come as a result of it (mothman v mutant blood)

also have regrets that come from not being able to do anything in times of death even as they tried to stop it (point pleasant v gamzee vriska and eridan), leading them to be reclusive and only trust a few people or even nobody

honorable mention-red gay, obsession with a famous male celebrity (ryan gosling v troll will smith), alien, part insect

Aubrey Little and Rose Lalonde-

mothers death was a catalyst in powers coming to light

meets a girl and impresses her with magic (i dont have much for this sorry :pensive: )

Dani and Kanaya Maryam

meet girl with magic powers, fall in love

vampire

can pretend to be sensible but shes like >:3c inside (i also dont have much for this :thumbs_down:

ill do ships now because ned and boyds kinda go into that anyway and also neds is really complicated to write out lol

Indruck v Davekat: the story of a man who tried to save the world but failed and a man who didnt want to save the world but had to

Idk how indruck actually started out but i can imagine it was bc someone saw an interesting dynamic and ran with it

thats what happened with davekat too iirc!

it started as a crackship bc they didnt get along at first and were “fighting” over terezi

but then it got popular

and then they were friends, etc etc

Rosemary v Vampfire

one of the first actually canon relationships (rather than just crushes or flirting)

girl meets alien girl

human girl has magic??

source of magic also connected to alien girl (doc scratch v sylvain [possibly])

alien girl is also VAMPIRE lesbian alien girl

its cute and good and we need more

also theres a connection with aubrey and kanaya as well, to connect aubreys sylvan magic

important heirloom passed down from mother figure right before/after her death

heirloom is lost/destroyed

must find a way to recreate/find heirloom as a part of characters story

ok. now the complicated one. this will be messy and probably hard to understand but its coming from my head so it was gonna be anyway

Ned Chicane and Vriska Serket (also Boyd Mosche and Terezi Pyrope)

they both did nothing wrong ON PURPOSE

we’ll get into that

they both go on heists with a partner in crime (boyd v terezi)

causes harm to partner in some way (ned leaves boyd to get caught, vriska causes terezi to go blind)

partner gets their revenge later (boyd takes all of neds stuff, terezi literally stabs vriska in the back)

sees partner dead, causes them to go after villain (in vriskas case this happens before shes stabbed but a) time stuff, b) she lets it happen so terezi doesnt die)

thats all for ned and boyd, what about the rest? ok.

causes character to die/be hunted after (aradia v barclay) by their apparent counterpart (sollux v stern)

ned doesnt delete the video and agent stern comes to town v vriska is coerced into mindcontrolling sollux

BUT WAIT

ned didnt post the video

ned didnt show agent stern the video

vriska was still coerced by someone to second hand kill aradia

WHO DID IT??

kirby=doc scratch

kirby posts the video and shows it to stern in full (was it already cut down to erase barclay changing?? i dont remember)

doc scratch manipulates vriska into sending sollux to kill aradia

they both get blamed and get full responsibility pushed onto them for it evn though a) ned didnt know kirby did that and b) vriska was a child

THATS WHY NEITHER OF THEM DID ANYTHING WRONG ON PURPOSE. ITS NOT THEIR FAULTS BUT THEY STILL GET THE BLAME PUSHED ONTO THEM

also thacker=gamzee, billy=mayor, jake coolice=nobody because hes too wonderful to be compared to anyone in homestuck and also i love him, pigeon=nepeta (pete=equius?)

if you read all this ur a real one. yes i am an intellectual thank you.

[gho2ty]

(( HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! ur sollux is my absolute favorite... also i love that g2 and nyx are up in arms together and talk shit and... also gushy friends it makes my heart warm... i love also how realistic g2 feels like, i really enjoy portrayals that come off so sincerely and wholly formed that one could question it being a rp blog or literally that character.. feels wholesome, feels organic thank you 💞💛🌟✨💕💫☀️💖

THANK U 4 MY LIFE !!!!!! hhhhh i love hearing ppl say g2 feels realistic & well rounded ……. esp when i worry not all of his sides show very well or very often? mostly due to how Careful he tries to be w his less logical/neutral/‘nice’ sides … thank you i luv their interactions as well what good friends ready to Fight The Worlds

[carcinoaquarium]

alright kk, don't say i didn't warn you lmao: Dearest Karkat, I am the anon whom you blessed with that dragon age tangent and i was bettered for it bc that tangent was great. When I played da:i I knew jack-all about the characters and literally only chose to be an elven female bc she had the most romantic options and I was going in thinking 'hell yeah imma romance the first available qunari of the series, you kidding me?' (1/7)

And then i chatted w solas and the literal first 'flirt' option w him is to tell him you aren't going to harass him for being an apostate and that was so /sad/ to think about, like he's so...lonely? Not to mention his greatest fear is dying alone?? Also he was hella intelligent and had interesting conversations and was suave as fuck, and I ended up being like "iron bull who?" and got my hEART RIPPED FROM MY CHEST, OW because solas has gotta be one of my fave villains in media to date. (2/7)

Also loghain, whom I didn't really appreciate until after I'd beheaded him. Whoops. Actually, I'd love to keep talking to you about dragon age?? i haven't been able to chat w a new(ish) fan in ages and these games have such depth. (also, dorian was absolutely my inquisitor's moirail, too, tbh. Although that's technically a romantic relationship, and Dorian is gay...? They're def BFFLs, tho, once Dorian was less racist against elves. Everyone in dai was kinda racist against elves.) (3/7)

Actually, elf Inquisitors kind of got a really fucking short stick in da:i. Not only did all of thedas hate them for being an elf, but there wasn't a single elf in that party that didn't challenge and beat on their religion (which is worse if they weren't already questioning it, as my inquisitor was), and even the people you can date don't seem to comfort you once your entire understanding of the world comes crashing down around your eyes. (4/7) (shit, i might hit the ask limit)

To a lesser extent this happens to the dwarves, too! Like, idk if you played the Descent dlc, but spoiler-free the dwarven religion is kind of picked apart and in the Tresspasser sequel we find out the ancient elves did a lot of shitty subjugating of the dwarven race, and not to mention the qunari are implied to be a race made through scientific genetic SPLICING of human and/or elven genes with fucking /dragons/, and it's like?? Man, give these fantasy races a break. (5/7)

Humans were the only ones who weren't really fucked with, they just kinda showed up from the north and invaded thedas while all that other political stuff was going on. But playing as a human's always seemed so boring to me, lmao. Did you play DA:O and DA2, too? (6/7) I feel like 200% nerd power right now,but the amount of effort and heart bioware put into these games is fascinating and i can't help but love dissecting it. Feel free to respond in private if u don't wanna clog ur blog w DA. (7/7)

--

YES. LET’S DO THIS. PROBABLY GOING TO BE A LONG REPLY SO I’LL READ MORE THIS SHIT.

ALTHOUGH I ONLY PERSONALLY PLAYED THROUGH ONE ROMANCE I OF COURSE HAD TO WATCH ALL OF THE COMPILATIONS ON YOUTUBE BECAUSE THAT’S JUST THE KIND OF GLUTTON I AM. SO YEAH. I AM FAMILIAR WITH SOLAS’ ROMANCE ARC. AND MAN I HAVE TO SAY YOU HAD TO BE MASOCHISTIC AS HELL TO RIDE THAT ONE OUT AND ENDURE THE MOST HEARTBREAKING OUTCOME OF THEM ALL. BLACKWALL WAS BAD ENOUGH, BUT AT LEAST, YOU KNOW, IT GETS BETTER IF YOU CHOOSE IT TO. 

DON’T GET ME WRONG, IT PLAYED OUT BEAUTIFULLY. BUT SADFPSDHFHSDF I WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE SEE THAT THROUGH. 

AND I SERIOUSLY DID NOT SEE SOLAS’ TURN COMING. IT WAS AMAZING. HE WAS SO CONVINCING THE ENTIRE TIME. JUST THE BOOKISH APOSTATE ELF WHO LIKED TO PAINT MURALS AND FANBOY OVER THE FADE IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER. FUCKING. IAMBIC. PENTAMETER. THAT WAS PRETTY AMAZING. ERIDAN APPRECIATED THAT. ALTHOUGH IT WAS HARD NOT TO THINK OF SOLLUX WHEN WE SAID HIS NAME. ESPECIALLY ERIDAN. 

fuckin sol

BUT HOLY SHIT. I NEVER SAW IT COMING. AND YET WHEN YOU PLAYTHROUGH A SECOND TIME YOU SEE ALL THE LITTLE HINTS. MY SECOND PLAYTHROUGH WAS FULL OF ME SCREAMING AT THE SCREEN 

“OOOOOH, SUUUUUUURE. TELL ME YOUR VAGUE ASS REASON FOR BEING HERE AGAIN, YOU LYING PIECE OF SHIT.”

“I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, DREAD WOLF. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE.”

“YOU KNOW WHAT? THE FADE IS BORING. SPIRITS ARE BORING.”

“MAYBE I SHOULD SKIP THESE ELVEN PUZZLES THIS TIME, EGGSPONGE. OR MAYBE PISS IN THIS WELL. OR FIGHT THE IMMORTAL ELF DUDE. HMMMM??"

“I’M RUBBING MY BULGE AAAAALLL OVER THIS FEN’HAREL STATUE. YEAH. THAT’S RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT??”

“WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO GIVE YOU A *HAND* WITH THAT QUEST??? OH I BET YOU WOULD.”

SERIOUSLY THOUGH I THOUGHT THE WAY SOLAS’ CHARACTER ARC UNROLLED WAS MASTERFUL. THE WAY HE PULLS THE INQUISITOR ASIDE NEAR THE END OF THE MAIN GAME TO TELL THEM THAT THEY EXCEEDED HIS EXPECTATIONS AND THAT HE TRULY VALUES THEM AS A FRIEND... I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER REALLY KNOW IF HE MEANT IT BUT I LIKE TO THINK HE DID. AND THAT IT GENUINELY SURPRISED HIM THAT THE PERSON HE WAS OUT TO MANIPULATE NEARLY CHANGED HIS WORLD VIEW IN THE END. THAT’S HOW YOU WRITE A THREE DIMENSIONAL ANTAGONIST.

FFFF. THE RACE SHENANIGANS. DRAGON AGE AND SKYRIM REALLY LIKE TO PLAY UP THE DISCRIMINATION AND OUTRIGHT PERSECUTION OF ELVES, WHICH STANDS IN SHARP CONTRAST TO THE TOLKIENIAN LORE IT ALL STEMS FROM WHERE ELVES ARE (MOSTLY) POWERFUL AND RESPECTED AMONG HUMANS. I LIKE IT THOUGH. IT’S AN INTERESTING SPIN. THE DWARF HATE TOO. I FUCKING LOVED THE WAY THE ORLEASIAN COURT NOT-SO-COVERTLY THREW SHADE AT YOU IN THE WINTER PALACE FOR BEING A DIRTY LOWBLOOD INFERIOR RACE. IT MADE PUTTING THEM ALL IN THEIR PLACE A WHOLE LOT SWEETER. AGAIN. WISH FULFILLMENT.

I HAVE TO AGREE THOUGH THAT THE GAME SOMETIMES KIND OF DID A SHITTY JOB OF ACKNOWLEDGING THE ELF AND DWARF INQUISITORS’ PERSONAL STRUGGLES WITH THEIR RACE, AND I GUESS THAT COMES DOWN TO THE SHIPLOAD OF DIALOGUE CUSTOMIZATION THE DEVS ALREADY HAD ON THEIR PLATE. I REMEMBER BEING ESPECIALLY PISSED OFF TALKING TO DAGNA WHERE SHE FUCKING SEEMED TO FORGET NELLIE WAS *ALSO* A DWARF HALF THE FUCKING TIME. 

AND THEN OTHER TIMES THE GAME WAS RANDOMLY REALLY GOOD IN THAT REGARD. IT WAS HIT AND MISS. ERIDAN DID AN ELF PLAYTHROUGH THAT I SAT IN ON AND I REMEMBER HOW COOL IT WAS BEING ABLE TO INTERACT WITH THE DALISH CLAN IN THAT INSIDER KIND OF WAY. BUT IT’S TRUE THAT PRETTY MUCH NONE OF THE ROMANTIC INTERESTS GIVE YOUR RACE MORE THAN *ONE* PASSING MENTION. CULLEN’S ROMANCE WITH A MAGE PLAYS WAY MORE HEAVILY INTO THINGS THAN SAY THE FACT THAT MALE LAVELLAN CAN DATE A GODDAMN *TEVINTER* ALTUS AND THE SLAVE THING IS BROUGHT UP A GRAND TOTAL OF ONCE.   

AND AS A SIDENOTE THE FACT THAT IF YOU CHOOSE THE NECROMANCER MAGE SPECIALIZATION, DORIAN-THE-GOD-DAMN-NECROMANCER HAS FUCK ALL TO SAY ABOUT IT. EVEN IF YOU ROMANCE HIM. WHICH AMPORA DID. AND HE WAS PISSED. 

SPEAKING OF AMPORA, HE ACTUALLY DID ROLL A HUMAN AT FIRST, BUT FIVE MINUTES IN HE WAS SO BORED WITH HIS CHARACTER HE ALMOST GAVE UP THE GAME FOR GOOD. SO YEAH. I FEEL YOU THERE. 

BUT YEAH. THE SUGAR COATING ON THE CONFECTIONERY ITEM IS DEFINITELY THE FACT THAT THE GAME HINGES ON BASICALLY SOLAS DESTROYING DALISH LEGITIMACY. AND AS A DALISH INQUISITOR IT’S LIKE. OH. OK. SURE. MY LIFE WAS A LIE. NO BIG DEAL. NOW WHO’S READY FOR A VACATION IN TEVINTER BECAUSE BOY HOWDY ME AND MY QUNARI FRIEND ARE DOWN FOR SOME FIRST CLASS NORTHERN HOSPITALITY.

AS MUCH AS I CAN COMPLAIN ABOUT A LOT OF IT I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I NEVER PLAYED THE PREVIOUS GAMES BUT I ABSORBED THE DRAGON AGE WIKI AND I THINK I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT WENT DOWN. I HAVE DA:O AND I DO PLAN ON PLAYING IT SOME TIME.

THE SADDEST PART IS THAT IT SEEMS PRETTY CERTAIN THAT THE SERIES IS PERMA-DEAD. AND I ACTUALLY WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WHERE THEY SEEMED TO BE TAKING IT. IT’S A FUCKING SHAME.